Open Wounds
by beaner008
Summary: AU: The past is the past. Puck, Santana, & Rachel Corcoran have moved on from theirs, but when their mother decides to take in a teen, old memories resurface. Also, new scars are made as they navigate through adolescence, ones that might not heal.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**A/N A big thank you goes out to sdmwd1115 for helping me weave this tale. Couldn't have been done without you **

**I was inspired to write this initially from Turn the Tables by Sweetdreamer94. I work closely with families in these situations and I was so interested in telling a story about the past and its impact on the characters' future. Thank you for allowing me to branch off your idea, sweetdreamer94. Please let me know what you think. **

_ The room was dark. The house creaked as if it had its own voice. She passed the familiar bedroom that gave her a shiver. Her head snapped up. She heard it. The scream. Her blood froze and her heart ceased to beat in that moment. _

Santana Corcoran's eyes snapped open. She looked around her. The sky was barely beginning to light up. Another day was about to begin. She shifted slightly in her bed. She couldn't get comfortable. She could never get comfortable after that dream. She gave an internal huff. She couldn't do it. She was sixteen years old for Christ's sake. She bit her lip and snuck a glance at the clock. 4:34am. She wasn't going to be this weak person. However, she had to check.

Quietly, she threw off her covers and made her way across the cold wooden floor. She opened her door quietly cursing it for creaking. She imagined herself as light as air as she walked briskly and silently to the door across the hallway. She opened the door and thanked it for not creaking. She released the sigh she didn't realize she had been holding. Rachel was sound asleep in her bed. Okay, she's fine, Santana told herself. You can go back to your own room now. Her feet however had minds of their own. She found herself sneaking quietly into her younger sister's room. She paused for a second watching the young girl's back rise and fall with her breathing. She was curled up into a fetal position in her big queen sized bed. Santana smiled. One could fit an elephant in that bed and still have room. Santana's instincts led her to lay down next to her in bed. She shook her head. She was Santana Corcoran. She didn't need to sleep with her eleven year old sister. This was ridiculous. She had to stop doing this. She continued to accost herself until she was asleep.

Rachel rolled over in bed and stretched out. Her eyes popped open when she felt an arm draped over her. She glanced down at the well-manicured hand. She gave a small smile.

"It's just, Santana, baby," she heard her mother say gently.

She looked up to see her mother and watched her pulled open the curtains. The sun shined on Santana's and Rachel's face.

"Gah! Mom!" Santana groaned as she pulled the pillow over her head. "Turn off the sun!"

Rachel laughed and sat up. "Get up lazy bones," she said pushing at Santana.

"Stop that," Santana said as she snapped her arm out from underneath the pillow to shove Rachel in the shoulder. "Gah. It is too early!" she moaned.

"No, it's not," Shelby laughed as she sat next to the girls. "Rach, why don't you go hop in the shower, okay? I have yet to drag your brother out of bed so you have a good ten minutes before he will start stealing your hot water."

Rachel looked over at Santana with a question obviously at the tip of her tongue. Shelby gave her youngest daughter a kind smile. "Go, Bug," she said poking her nose gently.

The young girl looked at Shelby suddenly remembering an important line-item she had to share. "I think that we should institute bucket showers in our house," she said with a smile. Santana let out a groan underneath her pillow. Rachel went on. ""I'll demonstrate that while we live in an affluent neighborhood, we should really think more about the environment. Mom, do you realize that our house is one of the biggest ones not only in the neighborhood but in all of Lima. The amount of energy that we waste because of our decadent lifestyle is rather outrageous. Do you know how much water a ten-minute shower uses? I saw a documentary that—''

"Go, Rachel!" Santana moaned under the pillow. "Or I'll bucket you!"

"It'll be the fastest shower ever. Time me, Mom!" Rachel said kissing her mother on the cheek.

Santana propped herself up on her elbows and watched after her. "We really need to re-evaluate what she's watching."

"Santana," Shelby started as she took Rachel's place and laid next to her eldest daughter. Santana nestled back into the bed.

"I know, I know. Let you be the Mom and I'll be the kid," Santana said rolling her eyes. She had heard that too many times. "It sucks to have a therapist for your mother." She shook her head. "I was just saying we should give her something better to watch. Like Blue's Clues. Isn't that age appropriate?"

Shelby cracked a smile. She wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter. A comfortable silence blanketed them. "So are you going to tell me why you're in here?" Shelby finally asked.

Santana tensed in her mother's arms.

"Come on, Sanny talk to me," Shelby whispered.

Santana was silent. She leaned back against her mother, but didn't say a word. She felt her mother's chest take in a deep breath.

"Did you have that dream again?" she asked knowingly.

Shelby felt her daughter relax in her arms. It was as if she needed someone to say it. Santana had barely managed to tell her mother out loud when the dreams first began. Her eldest daughter could tackle anyone with witty and well-exercised words and, much to her mother's disapproval, her fists, but to discuss her own feelings was another challenge. For all of her children, it was a whole new language that they seemed to forget everyday. It was a struggle, but one that Shelby would never cease fighting. Too much had happened and she swore that she would never abandon the promises that she made to her children years before.

The young girl was still facing away from her. "Sweetheart, she's okay. I'm glad you came in here to check on her. She likes it when you come in here—''

"But she knows I'm in here because I'm scared," Santana said shaking her head. She rolled over and faced her mother as she sat up. "And I hate that."

"That she knows that you're scared or that you're scared?" Shelby asked leaning against the headboard.

Santana looked at her mother as she searched for her answer.

"Both," she finally said. "It was eight years ago," Santana whispered with a shake of her head. "I shouldn't be having that dream anymore."

Shelby looked at her daughter carefully. She had had discussions like this with her clients time and time again. However, having this discussion with your daughter made things more difficult. The lines were blurred.

"There's not going to be a miraculous moment where all of it just slips away and you become this brand new person. You're you and that's okay. It's okay to be scared, but you're safe now. Okay? Rachel's safe. Your brother is safe. What do I tell you guys?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Life's just a work in progress," she said in a sing song voice.

"And you're doin' a great job," Shelby whispered pulling her daughter to her into a soothing hug.

"Did you time me?" Rachel ran into the room wrapped in a towel.

Shelby raised her eyebrows and her elder daughter mirrored her look. "Of course, we did, baby," Shelby said untangling herself from Santana. "Six minutes eighteen seconds."

Rachel smiled. "Not too bad," she said. "Not too bad at all."

The younger girl walked proudly to the closet and disappeared as she looked for something to wear.

"Did you really time her?" Santana asked heading toward the bathroom.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Shelby said with a wink.

….

Puck pulled his shirt over his head as he rounded into the kitchen. Rachel was climbing the counter reaching for a glass. Without a look at her, he casually retrieved the glass and set it on the counter. Then he grabbed Rachel gently around the waist and set her on the floor.

"Noah! I'm perfectly capable of getting it myself?" Rachel huffed.

Noah Corcoran didn't look at his youngest sister as he opened the refrigerator door and grabbed the milk carton. He took a swig of milk and set it on the counter. He chose to ignore his sister's disgusted face.

"Milk?" he asked.

"I don't drink milk," Rachel said with a look of utter abhorrence.

Puck shrugged. "What do you eat again?" he asked.

"I am vegan, Noah," she said with a heavy sigh. "That means I don't eat any animal products."

Noah nodded. "Oh alright. Do you eat bacon?"

Rachel scowled. "Noah, I just said that I don't eat any animal products."

"So no bacon?" he said patiently, trying his best to look genuinely surprised and confused. He gave a smile. "It's alright. I'll make you some eggs." He gave a smirk as he looked in the refrigerator and pretended to grab the eggs. He could see that Rachel was getting annoyed. It was too funny of an opportunity to pass up.

"Noah!" Rachel said in frustration.

"Sweetheart," Shelby said coming into the room. "What's all of this yelling about?"

"Mom, Noah is not respecting my vegan life style," Rachel said with a heavy sigh.

Shelby looked at her eldest child with an arch of her eyebrow knowing full well that he had antagonized his sister.

"I don't get it, ma," he said shrugging. "What does she eat?"

Shelby just sighed and handed Rachel a bowl of vegan cereal and soymilk. "Eat, Bug," she said. Rachel narrowed her eyes at the older boy and climbed onto the barstool and began eating at the counter. Shelby sighed when she spotted her son emerge from the refrigerator. She reached across him and took away the slice of pizza that Puck was eating and replaced it with a granola bar.

"Ewww," he sighed.

"What?" Santana asked as she came into the kitchen in her Cheerios uniform.

"Nothing, Noah wants to eat dinner food for breakfast," Rachel sneered.

Santana arched her eyebrow and leaned against the counter next to Rachel as she ate her cereal out of the box.

"Santana," Shelby called.

The girl looked over at her mother and came face to face with a bowl. She rolled her eyes and poured her cereal into it.

Shelby looked at her kids as she unloaded the dishwasher and handed her son plates and the older girl glasses to put away. "Alright. So I have to work a little late this evening. And—''

"On that case, you've been leaving to talk to your boss on the phone about all the week?" Rachel asked.

Shelby looked at her daughter. She was always surprised by how much Rachel took in. However, she remembered how observant she was as a toddler. She was quiet, but her eyes were always so aware. She smirked at the memory. When Rachel did speak, she had always been so precise. She shook her head remembering how a three year old Rachel would take out her pacifier and say a clearly articulated sentence and then put her pacifier back in. She shook her head again. Getting rid of that pacifier had been such a challenge.

"You do not know, young lady that I'm discussing a case," Shelby said closing the dishwasher. "We've talked about why these things are private."

"I know," Rachel said looking at her bowl. "I'm sorry." She looked up at her mom. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean -''

"It's alright, baby," Shelby said pulling Rachel into a hug noticing the first signs of a meltdown. "It's just a reminder. I'm not angry. You're alright."

Rachel nodded and looked down at her cereal. Santana sat next to her attempting to offer some comfort with a small nudge of her shoulder.

"So you're working late tonight?" the older girl interjected. She saw that her mother was looking regretfully at Rachel. She needed to distract them all. "Puck, can pick her up. He has senior privileges."

Puck glared at his sister. He then caught sight of Rachel's staring up quietly at him. He gave in. "Sure, I'll pick her up, but she has to watch our practices."

"It's okay, I don't mind," Rachel said quickly. "I'll be fine. I can sit there and do my homework and –''

"Alright," Shelby said rubbing her youngest daughter's back. "I have something that I need to talk you guys about." She watched their faces carefully. "Do you remember me telling you that I'm licensed as a therapeutic placement?"

"For foster care?" Puck asked as he took a bite of the granola bar.

Santana stopped her spoon in mid air. "Someone's moving in with us aren't they? That's why we cleaned up the guest room last weekend."

"It's not set in stone, but I'll know more about it tonight. We'll talk more about it tonight. I want you guys to think about your questions and we'll talk this evening."

"Is he younger than me?" Rachel asked.

"We don't know if it's a he," Santana said to her sister.

"This is something we need to discuss as a family, but I know that we have talked about the possibility several times and those chances fell through, but I think that this will end up happening. You guys can be upset about it if you want but I need to let me know and -''

"No, we told you when you first told us that you might do this that we support it, Mom," Puck said. "We get it."

Shelby looked at her kids. She hated how much they did get it, but she was simultaneously proud that they did.

"Santana? Rachel?" Shelby asked.

"I'm with Puck," Santana said with a reassuring nod.

Rachel looked at her cereal. "Rach?" Shelby leaned over the counter and looked caught her youngest daughter's gaze. "Rachel?"

"I'm good, Mom," she said quietly with a forced smile.

Shelby released a sigh and looked up at the clock. "You guys need to get going. Rachel, Noah will pick you up after school and take you to practice and then we'll talk more about this, all of us, tonight."

"Sounds riveting, ma!" Puck said as he grabbed his keys. He gave Shelby a quick peck on the cheek. "Let's go!"

Santana took one last bite of her cereal. "Bye, Mom! Love you!" And with that she headed out behind her older brother. Rachel climbed off of the stool and started after them.

"Rach," her mother called out.

"Yeah?" she asked turning to face her.

"I love you so, so much. And I'll still love you if you're not okay with this, but you need to tell me okay?" Shelby said gently.

"I'm okay, Mom," she said with a small smile. "I promise."

Shelby kissed her on the forehead. She heard the car honk. "I'll see you tonight, baby."

"Bye," she said and headed out the door.

…

The school day had gone fairly fast. She had basking in the absence of the captain for a week. Sue had called Santana into her office last week to tell her that she was filling in while Quinn had some sort of bird flu or something heinous. The absence of the captain had allowed her to true embrace the power that was available. She was only a sophomore but she was at the top of the social food chain. She gave a satisfied smirk as her presence intimated a freshman and caused them to scurry. This was her territory or at least it could be. Don't get her wrong she liked Quinn? She frowned and reconsidered. Perhaps 'like' was too strong of a word. She respected her in the silent-no-compliments-i-don't-want-to-boost-your-ego way.

However, she was back and bitchier than ever. They shared a few classes together and she had made sure to reassert her authority with an iron fist. The head bitch had slushied more than a handful of freshman and had ordered Santana and Brittany to force two of the weaker Cheerios to cry in order to snap them back in line. The bitch was back. There was no denying that.

To Quinn Fabray, Santana Corcoran was always second best. They were both sophomores. They were both at the top of the social chain. They were both Cheerios. However, Quinn was always ahead. She was always better and while she hated that and she wanted that spot in the back of her head she knew that Quinn was better. A small part of her, one that would never admit it out loud to a living soul, accepted it.

School was now over. Puck and she had had a silent conversation across the cafeteria saying that Santana would be responsible for the hobbit during practice. She wanted to get into the locker room and out to the bleachers before practice started. She stepped into the locker room and spotted the head bitch. Santana gave her a smirk and started to walk toward her. There was something slightly different in those fiery eyes. Sue Sylvester stepped out.

"Gather the girls on the field and start them with suicides," Sue said casually. "I need to talk to the captain. Also, mini you is already out there."

Santana gave a tight mouthed smile and headed outside. She spotted Rachel immediately sitting quietly on the bench. Her best friend was sitting next to her.

"Hey Britt," Santana said greeting her friend with a small smile.

"Hi," she replied. "Well looks like the lady in charge is here. It was nice to talk to you, Rach."

"Bye, Brittany," Rachel said with a small wave.

Santana watched after her before she turned her gaze back to Rachel. Her look hardened slightly.

"I'm going to say this once. Stay here. I don't want you wondering around the school," Santana said quickly. She turned her back to Rachel and barked at the Cheerios on the sidelines. "Girls! Suicides! Go!" A sea of red and white uniforms ran on to the field.

"What if I have to go to the bathroom?" Rachel asked. "I'm not a dog. I can walk and talk and take care of myself."

Santana rolled her eyes and looked over her shoulders. "Are we really going to argue about this now?"

Rachel retreated and shook her head.

Santana scowled and pursed her lips together. "If you need to go to the bathroom, just wave to me okay?"

Rachel nodded.

Santana returned her attention to the practice and started marching onto the field. "You call those suicides? Those would be if they were for crippled blind people!"

Rachel shook her head at her sister. She certainly yelled a lot.

Santana started running lightly with the girls jeering them on if they weren't fast enough.

"Brittany, I need your eyes. Come help me," Santana called out.

THe blonde ran out of the formation and stood next to Santana breathing hard. "What's up?"

Santana shrugged. "I just didn't want torture you any longer," she whispered. "So the Head Bitch in Charge is back. I was so grateful to not have her in my face for a week. Do you think Coach would notice if I put anthrax in her Gatorade?"

"Oh stop, San," Brittany laughed. "You and I both know you don't hate her as much as you pretend to. You just are threatened by her power."

"Because she keeps taking away mine," Santana argued. She pointed at a freshman. "Campbell, what is that running? You look like a retarded antelope." Santana smirked and folded her arms. She turned her attention back to her best friend.

Brittany shook her head. "You two are so much alike it's ridiculous. Quinn's a softy and she's private about her home life. You are a total softy especially with that munchkin over there." Brittany motioned her gaze back toward Rachel on the bleachers.

Santana followed her gaze and saw that Rachel was no longer even watching the practice but had neatly spread her textbook out next to her and was doing her homework. She hated how obedient Rachel was sometimes. Sometimes she wanted her to argue. She wanted her to break the rules. Don't jinx it, she scolded herself. She turned back to Brittany.

"I just don't get her deal, B," Santana said. "Are you slugs, move it!" she yelled at a few girls slowing down." she took a deep breath and looked at her best friend. "I just hate taking orders from her. We can be a great power team if she recognized it, but noooooo."

"Oh, San," Brittany laughed. "I don't think it's you giving your heart out. You're no saint."

"I sure ain't a crusader," Santana laughed. "Let's go. We should warm up."

Brittany laughed and followed her out onto the field.

….

He walked into the locker room with ease and confidence, but his eyes demonstrated something else. You didn't have to know Noah "Puck" Corcoran to know that he was pissed. His eyes narrowed as he scanned the locker room. He pulled on his gear and his practice jersey as he spotted the product of his wrath. He gave a tight smile. He narrowed his eyes even more. He hated that he took so much pleasure in this.

"Corcoran," Coach Beiste yelled. "Gather the offensive linemen and get out on the field." The coach looked toward the other part of the team. "Karofsky, lead the defense out onto the field. Let's run some drills, girls!"

Puck pulled his helmet over his head. He caught a glance from his sister on the other side of the field. She had noticed it. She had seen that glint in his eye. He had spent his whole life trying to control his anger. Some how along the way he learned to control it. However, there were three things that someone could threaten in his life that would make him lose it. Those three things meant too much to him to ever let go of that possessive anger.

He yelled out a play and the offense lined up on the yard line. He locked eyes with his target. He gave a grin when he saw the boy's already bruised eye. His sister packs a punch when she hits. He was eager to blacken the other. Puck looked at his team.

"Ready, set, hut!"

Puck used every muscle in his body to pass the ball to his buddy Finn and charge at Karofsky in front of him. The guy didn't know what hit him. He was down on his back moaning in pain from the brut force of Puck's tackle. He could hear Beiste yelling obscenities from the sidelines. He bent down slowly pretending to offer the boy a hand up. Karofsky fell for it and took it. Puck pulled the boy up and leaned close to his ear.

"We have so many more drills to go through. Get comfortable down there, bitch," he hissed.

Karofsky pushed against him. "What the hell, man!"

Puck set up the line again and he yelled out the play. "Ready, set, hut!"

He threw the ball and slammed into Karofsky again. He tried to give the boy credit for trying to get away but he was too satisfied as the boy groaned in frustration and pain. Puck grabbed the front bars of Karofsky's helmet dragging him. He ignored Beiste's calls from the sidelines.

"You touch my sister, you deal with me," he barked in an eerily low tone. "Your ass is mine."

"Corcoran!" Beiste yelled into Puck's ear. How long had she been standing there?

"What the hell is your problem?" Coach Beiste asked.

Puck shook his head and gave a charming grin. "Nothing, Coach. Bad day. I was just apologizing to Karofsky here for pinning him so hard."

Beiste narrowed her eyes and watched her captain carefully. "Go a bit easier on him, Corcoran."

"Sure thing coach," Puck smiled.

The rest of practice didn't go well for Karofsky. Puck was agile and tactful and was able to pin him quickly and with more ease that went unnoticed by Beiste. He wasn't captain for nothing. He would be aching tomorrow and that's exactly what Puck wanted. No one messed with his family.

His mind drifted to the night before.

"_What's that?" Puck asked as he shoved his food in his mouth. _

_Santana looked down at her arm. "Nothing," she shrugged. "Just a bruise from Cheerios."_

"_You're Varsity and first in command to the captain…. YOU don't get bruises. You give the bruises," Puck argued as he scooped around bite of cereal into his mouth. _

"_I took care of it," she said with a shrug. "Don't worry about it." _

"_What do you mean?" He took a swig of milk from the container. _

"_The rest of us drink out of that too, you know," she hissed. _

"_What do you mean you took care of it?" Puck said arching his eyebrow and taking another drink from the milk container. _

_Santana shrugged and grabbed the container from her brother to pour herself some milk. "Karofsky thought that he could touch me and I—'' _

"_He what?" _

_Santana glared at him and then looked toward the door to the living room. "Keep it down!" She calmed. "Just forget it. I took care of it! You never think that I can take care of myself!"_

_Santana looked at him with a small smirk. He knew that smirk. _

"_Don't you dare! I want an answer Santana! You can't just dismiss this," Puck said moving closer to her so that he wasn't shouting. _

_She ignored him. _

_ "Santana, we're still talking here, don't you dare—'' Puck tried to say. _

_ She gave him one last look before she called over her shoulder "Rach, can you come in here please?"_

_ Puck shook his head. "You can't keep calling her into the room when you want to avoid a question," he whispered. _

_ "I can. And I do because it works," she smirked. _

_ Eleven-year-old Rachel walked into the kitchen with a perplexed look on her face. "I thought you guys were talking about stuff you didn't want me to hear," she said casually with a shrug. _

_ Santana looked at her brother accusingly. "We were," she said. "But we're not anymore. We're done." _

_ "We're far from done," Puck said quietly to Santana. _

_ "I took care of it," Santana said. _

_ "Took care of what?" Rachel asked taking a seat on the counter._

_ "A jerk," Santana said casually as she took a sip of water. _

_ "Santana," Puck said with a sigh. "Really?"_

_ "What did you do?" Rachel asked in interest. _

_ "I punched him in the face," the older girl said with a shrug. _

_ Rachel gaped at her older sister. "Mom's going to kill you," she said in shock. _

_ "You wanted to be included on the conversation. I included you. Now, don't say a word to Mom." Santana tilted her head and raised her eyebrow at her younger sister. _

_ "Why did you hit him?" Rachel asked propping her chin on the palm of her hand. _

_ "Yeah, San, why did you hit him?" Puck said mimicking Rachel and looking at Santana tauntingly. _

_ Rachel slapped her brother. "Don't be a douche!" _

_ He gave her a light shove back. _

_ "No reason to continue to discuss it," the older girl dismissed. She turned to Puck. "Drop it." _

Puck returned to the present. He had dropped the conversation last night but he sure as hell wasn't going to allow Karofsky to get away with being a dick. He walked out to his car and saw he sister waiting there with her arms folded. God, he hated that she was a Cheerio. Of all girls in this school, his sister shouldn't be wearing a Cheerios Uniform. Too many guys oogled their eyes at her. He didn't like it not one bit.

…

Rachel waved at Santana and motioned toward the school. The older girl gave a quick nod and Rachel wandered. She spotted the auditorium. She just wanted to look. She remembered seeing videos of her mother perform on that stage. She remembered dreaming about singing on it.

She wandered into the auditorium and stared at the stage with fascination. She found herself walking onto the stage and playing the piano quietly. She let her fingers glide across the keys.

"You're pretty good at that," a voice called out from one of the wings.

She jumped. She gave a small sigh of relief.

"Hi Mr. Schuster," she said standing up politely to greet him.

"Hello, Miss Corcoran," he said with a grin at her politeness. She was surely different than her siblings. "You sounded pretty good. Do you take lessons?"

"No, you know Mom's just Mom," Rachel said with a shrug.

She knew that her mother and Mr. Schuster had been friends growing up and he knew about Shelby's incredible musical background.

"Well you should take lessons," he said sitting down on the bench. "Do you like to sing?"

Rachel nodded. "Yes, but we all do."

"Do you want to run some scales?" he asked as he shifted so he was sitting properly at the piano.

"You wouldn't mind?" Rachel asked with a surprised smile.

"Why on earth would I mind?" he said with a warm smirk.

"You might have something better to do," Rachel said.

Will laughed. "I certainly do not."

…

"You think this is hard? Try sitting in the electric chair! That's hard!" Sue bellowed over the mega phone. "Hit the showers and get out of my sight!"

Santana looked breathlessly toward the bleachers as she wiped her sweaty brow. Why the hell wasn't she back from the bathroom? She started to gather her things.

"Corcoran!"

She rolled her eyes know that her fellow Cheerio was screaming just to reassert her authority.

"Fabray," she sneered back. "Just because you missed a week doesn't mean you can be a total bitch."

"Shut it," Quinn hissed. "The drills you ran before practice were sloppy and disgusting. No wonder you're still under me."

"Is that some sort of pick up line?" Santana countered. "And for your information the drills were what Sue ordered."

Quinn looked over her shoulder. Santana followed her gaze. There was a taxi in the parking lot.

"Are you too weakened by your black plague to drive your car home?" Santana spat. She looked around the parking lot. "Where is your car?"

"Fuck off," Quinn parked. "Get your ass in gear and step in line unless you want to be at the bottom of the pyramid."

Santana scowled. "You wouldn't even know what hit you if you did that."

"Try me," Quinn hissed as she pushed past her toward the taxi.

Santana watched after her with her arms folded. She shook her head she wasn't going to deal with her now.

"Where is Rachel?" Puck asked interrupting her thoughts.

Santana glared at him. "I'm taking care of it. Get her stuff!"

She stomped into the school. The dumb blond bitch thought she knew everything. She marched down the hallway toward the bathroom, but stopped when she heard singing coming from the auditorium. Rachel's singing.

She approached and opened the door with a loud bang.

"Rachel!" Santana scolded. "Let's go! Now!"

"Hi, Santana," Will said standing up putting his hand on Rachel's shoulder. Santana gave an internal growl. "Sorry, we were just practicing."

"Well, she was supposed to be outside where I can see her," Santana said.

Rachel gave Mr. Schuster a small nod and climbed down to her sister, who took her hand. "I'm sorry, San," she whispered.

Santana softened, but said seriously. "We'll talk about this later."

She turned and looked at the Spanish teacher. "Don't you have something better to do than hang out with eleven year olds?"

"Santana, I—'' the teacher began.

"Forget it."

Santana stormed out with Rachel trailing behind her.

…..

**Please let me know what you think. Don't forget I'm not giving up on **_**Changes in the Tide, Courage on the Wings. **_**I'm just searching for my muse with it and it's slowly coming back. **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"So, how was school?" Shelby asked as she turned down the aisle of the grocery store.

"Dumb," Santana scoffed. "I ran into your bosom friend."

Shelby grabbed the milk from Rachel and placed it in the cart. "Thanks, bug," she said. She turned back to her sullen teenage daughter next to her. "My what?"

"Will Schuster," Santana said rolling her eyes.

"Santana Corcoran, I hope you show that man a little more respect than that," she scolded. She turned to Puck. "Can you go to the deli and get these things? Don't dawdle and don't eat anything until we've paid." She handed her son part of the list. She turned back to her girls Rachel looked up at her and Shelby gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head.

"He was singing with me," she said quietly.

Shelby looked at Rachel in surprise and then glanced at her older daughter who had her arms folded and was scowling.

"He was?" Shelby asked grabbing an assortment of cereals off of the shelf.

"Yeah, he was," Santana scowled.

Shelby studied her daughters face and then turned to her youngest. "Rach, why don't you go help Noah and make sure he doesn't eat anything from the deli."

Rachel gave a sigh and looked at her sister and then back at her mother. "You can just say, 'Rachel, we want to talk about things we don't want you to be apart of.' You can say that."

"Thanks, Bug," Shelby said kissing her again. "Why don't you go vent your frustration of this unjust world to your brother?"

Rachel trudged away with a pout. Once she was around the corner, Shelby looked at Santana.

"What is going on?" she asked.

Santana was still leaning slightly so that she could see that Rachel made it to Noah's side at the deli counter. Shelby followed her gaze.

"She's fine, San," she told her daughter. "Your sister can walk to the deli counter by herself."

"Mom," Santana grumbled grabbing Cinnamon Toast Crunch off of the shelf and throwing it in the cart. She didn't want to get into it here. And no, Rachel shouldn't walk anywhere by herself.

"What happened at school?" Shelby tried again.

"I'm just fucking pissed because –'' she began.

"Language," Shelby warned. "Why are you pissed?"

"That stupid Quinn Fabray came back with a fire under her ass—''

"Santana," Shelby reminded again as they entered the produce section.

"She is so self-righteous. I have been on Cheerios with her for almost two years and she's such a – '' Santana shook her head. "I don't know. She comes back after a week and she's just gah! I don't know! I just can't stand her."

"What makes you think she is angry with you?" Shelby began.

"Of course, it isn't about me," Santana said. "But I still feel her wrath." She looked over her shoulder again to make sure that Rachel was at the deli with Noah. She had wandered away slightly and was poking at the cheeses as if they were foreign. "And you know what? Your friend is a creepier and I don't want him hanging out with Rachel."

"Who now? Will?" Shelby said as she bagged half dozen apples. "Grab a bunch of bananas please."

Santana grabbed them and threw them in the cart. Shelby glared at her. "Sorry," she mumbled. She looked over her shoulder again and Rachel was now looking at the selection of refrigerated pastas and pizzas and idly kneading the prepared dough. She saw an older man come up next to Rachel and reach over her short frame and grab a package of raviolis. She felt her body tighten. He was talking to her casually and she couldn't hear what he was saying. Enough, she thought and she started toward the youngest Corcoran.

She barely was able to take a step before she felt a hand on her arm.

"She's fine, Santana. He's just talking to her," Shelby said watching her youngest talk to the man with a smile.

"You have no idea what he's saying!" Santana said with annoyance.

"She's not a baby, Santana. You need to let her have some freedom. The trick here is that she thinks that she's wandered away from Noah and that she's not with us, but we're watching her. If you don't give her that freedom and you smother her instead, her outbursts and her search to do more adventurous things will be drastically worse that touching everything she doesn't like in the deli area." Santana glared at her mother, but softened her gaze when she let her words soak in.

"I still don't like it," Santana said.

She watched as Noah approached them with an arm full of deli meats and cheeses. He called to Rachel and the tiny brunette smiled at the man and followed Noah to the cart.

Rachel looked at disgust at all of the meats and cheeses. "Do you think the new boy moving in will be a vegan? Perhaps I can inspire him."

Santana's eyes grew wide and she gave a scoffed smile. "You're joking right? And remember it might be a girl. Right mom?"

Shelby nodded quietly and Santana knew that she knew who it was.

"Bug, no one wants to be vegan. People are made to eat meat. If people weren't supposed to eat meat, they wouldn't have made animals out of meat."

"Noah, if there were dinosaurs roaming the earth still, WE would be considered meat," Rachel argued back as she stood on the end of the cart.

"Rach, Noah, please go grab some oatmeal and Rachel's milk," Shelby instructed.

"Why do we always have to go off and get things?" Noah whined.

"Because you have the attention span of horse fly," Rachel said grabbing her brother's hand. "Let's go. I'll tell you all about the joys of soymilk."

The older boy groaned but let himself be dragged away.

"Santana, I get that you're mad at Quinn. However, you need to really think about what she might be mad at. And as for Will and Rachel. I will talk to him about him spending time with her. Perhaps he can come over to the house and spend time there with her where you can hear them from the other room, okay? He's an old friend," she sighed and looked at her daughter. "If you continue to hold onto this anger all the time, you'll get premature wrinkles." Shelby cupped her daughter's cheek and kissed her on the forehead.

Santana sighed and followed her mother.

"So the person moving in with us is a girl," Santana said trying to break the mood.

Shelby began unloading the cart. "Yes," she said quietly.

"Is she younger than Rach?" she asked as she put the items from the cart on to the check out.

"No," Shelby replied. She paused as she unloaded the cart. "Let's talk about this at home okay?"

"Okay…." Santana said darting her eyes uncomfortably.

"I promise that I'll give you more information at home. It's just in this aisle really isn't an appropriate place," Shelby said gently. She began unloading the cart. "Can you please go find your brother and sister and make sure that they haven't strayed from the list?"

Santana nodded and went to look for her siblings. A feeling in her stomach about this person moving in with them reawakened old feelings, but she couldn't put her finger on it.

…..

When they arrived at home, Puck was more than grateful. His sisters were both moaning about something and his mother was attempting to rein them in. He took one bag of groceries in one arm and then he grabbed Rachel around the waist and put her on his shoulder with his other arm.

"No more bickering," Puck muttered as walked into the house.

"Put me down, Noah!" she hollered. "I am not a child! Mom!"

"Noah, she asked to be put down," Shelby said with a smile as she came into the kitchen.

Noah sighed and sat Rachel on the counter top.

"While I recognize that you're threatened by the large degree of estrogen in the house, Noah, does not mean that you can interrupt a discussion by just removing me from the conversation," Rachel ranted as she smoothed out her skirt and swung her feet over the edge of the counter. "We are getting a new member of the family tomorrow. She will be great and I expect you –''

"It's a girl?" he paused in surprised.

Shelby nodded and finished putting a bags' content of groceries away. "Alright, this girl goes to school with you and San," she began.

Puck felt a lump in his throat what if he had made out with this new girl? His mind began to sift through all of the possibilities.

"What do you mean their school?" Rachel looked at her mother. Shelby looked at her youngest. She watched at the girl deflated. "I thought she was younger than me." Rachel's voice became quieter. "I wanted to be a big sister not GET another big sister."

Shelby straightened and stroked Rachel's hair. "We don't get to choose. This girl is a little sister, Rach. You'll have something in common."

"I already have a big sister," Rachel said looking over at Santana. Shelby followed her gaze. Santana leaned against the opposite counter with her arms folded.

"Well no one is replacing San," Shelby assured. She searched her eldest daughter's face. "What's the matter?"

Santana stared at the floor as if it were going to decipher her thoughts. "It's just… It's just." She shook her head. She caught her mother's eye and continued. "I thought it was going to be someone from Carmel…. Or hicktown, USA…. Not McKinley…" She trailed off.

"But aren't you guys the most popular kids in school?" Rachel asked honestly looking between Puck and Santana.

"That's the problem," Santana whispered. She saw Rachel's questioning look. "I'm different at school than I am at home, bug," she said honestly.

"Why? Why would you be different?" she asked as her legs continued to kick innocently from the top of the counter.

"I just am," Santana said avoiding her mother's eyes.

"Speaking of, Santana," Shelby said seriously. "Principal Figgins called to inform me that you punched David Karofsky a few days ago."

Santana straightened and waved her hands. "He thought my ass was his to touch!" she screamed.

"Santana, language," Shelby scolded.

"No, my ass is my ass, mom! So I put him in his place," Santana said.

Shelby took a deep breath. "Why on earth would you think that hitting another person would solve your problem?" she asked finally.

She watched as her daughter physically deflated.

"I was mad, Mom," Santana said as if it was most reasonable explanation.

"Well, the way you dealt with your anger has landed you detention. However, you're not serving it until the day after tomorrow. You and Puck aren't going to practice tomorrow," Shelby said.

"What? Why?" Santana asked.

Shelby looked at her son who seemed to be counting something in his head.

"Noah, are you paying attention?" he heard is mother ask through his haze of memories.

"Sure," he said nodding.

"As I was saying. This girl is moving in tomorrow and I want everyone here. She's been through a great deal. And when she's ready she'll open up to you, but do not push her. She's been in a group home for the last week. She's already tried running. This has been really difficult for her. I don't expect you to like her, but I expect you respect her," Shelby said. She folded her eyes and looked at her children.

Santana was seething slightly and Shelby was sure it wasn't just about missing practice. Puck was frowning as if he was trying to answer a math question. Shelby smiled when her eyes fell on Rachel. She was thinking deeply too. However, her face was still so young she looked the same as she did when she was a baby.

"Did her parents hurt her?" Rachel asked quietly.

Puck stared at her. She was still sitting on the counter. He bit the inside of his lip as he watched the young girl wait eagerly for an answer. He turned to his mother when the answer did not arrive right away.

"Yes," she finally said.

"Who? Her dad?" Santana asked with her arms folded tightly across her chest.

Puck watch as his other sister embraced her own personal anger through the question.

Shelby nodded. "Yes, and her mother emotionally."

Puck watched as his mother licked her lips. "This girl is apart of our family beginning tomorrow. I want you guys home as soon as school gets out," she said.

"But Mom—''

"Santana," Shelby said in a fiercely low voice. "Do you remember when you in this situation? And how scared you were?"

This remark caught Santana off guard and Puck saw that. They all remembered what happened.

"Of course, I do," Santana whispered glaring at the ground.

"So find it in you, please figure out how to get over missing practice," she said carefully and she started toward the stairs. She turned around for a quick moment. "I love you, guys, and we need to be honest with each other every step of the way on this okay?"

"Yeah," they all replied quietly.

"It might be really hard, but she is a part of the family."

It wasn't until moments after his mother left that Noah realized that he still didn't know who the girl was.

...

Santana sat around the island slowly eating her dinner. Puck was talking about something and Shelby was talking about something else. Rachel was kicking her periodically next to her from her own stool to ask her if she was listening. She goes to McKinley? she asked herself. Fuck, she groaned. What if it was some Lima Loser who wanted nothing more to tag than to around and be her popular-wannabe. She gave a sigh. She knew in the back of her head that she was being ridiculous. And she knew most importantly that having a groupie wasn't her biggest issue. She had done so well up to this point to keep this secret safe. When they had discussed this as a family a long time ago, she and Puck were one hundred percent on board. It had been a few years after their own experiences with the foster care system. And Santana remembered exactly how strongly she felt about supporting other people in the system. However, now that it loomed over her head as a reality. It wasn't necessarily a top priority anymore.

She felt a finger poke her arm. She looked over at saw Rachel staring. "Are you done with your plate?"

Santana nodded.

"I'm gonna... go and uh… do my homework," Santana said heading up the stairs.

"Nope, sorry," Shelby called after her before she was able to reach the kitchen. "You need to come down here and do your homework with Puck."

"Why I am in trouble?" she asked indignantly.

"Did you forget that you punched another human being in the face?" Shelby asked with her hands on her hips. "You know that doing your homework in your room is a privilege. It requires trust. You don't have that privilege at least until the weekend."

"Mom, this forced study hall rule in our house is kinda ridiculous," Santana said with a sigh.

"Would you like to extend it into next week too?" Shelby asked.

The older girl gave a huff and sat down at the counter with her bag moments later. This rule had been instated ever since they went back to living with Shelby. Normal parents grounded their teenager. Shelby Corcoran did her own way of grounding. They had to be in her sight at all times. Even when they went to the restroom, they had to give her a heads up. Although, Santana and Puck griped about it ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, there was a small comfort of knowing that their mother was around and she wasn't going away.

Rachel of course was never in trouble and left the room to head upstairs.

Puck sat in silence looking at his papers and then over his shoulder at his mother who was reviewing something on her computer. Without even looking up, she would say something like "Noah, focus on your work and not the wall." Or "I suggest you put more energy into your work."

His mother had asked if they remembered when they were in that situation. How could they forget? How could they forget any of it? He ripped a piece of paper from his notebook and wrote on it. "We should talk tonight." Santana looked up from her homework and read the note. She scowled at her brother. "Thanks but no thanks, Oprah," she wrote back. "I'm serious, lard butt," Puck wrote back. Santana shook her head but nodded.

"Fine."

A couple hours later, Shelby went upstairs to tell Rachel to go to bed. Santana saw her mother walk out and turned to her brother.

"What?" she asked.

"Who do you think it is?" he asked.

"How am I supposed to know?" Santana grumbled turning to her work.

"Come on. I 'm trying to talk to you here," Puck said frustrated.

"I don't know okay" she said with frustration but more softly. "Either way, I plan on making it clear from the start that who were are at home is not the same as who we are at school."

"I don't think they'll need to be told," Puck said with a scoff. He shook his head. He looked over his shoulder to make sure that his mother wasn't coming and then leaned closer to his sister. "I know that you're scared and I know that you're going to be too chicken shit to admit it."

"Admit what?" Santana sneered.

"You and I both remember when were separated," Puck said. Santana lowered her head. "Well, think about it this way. We had each other to miss and want to be with even though we felt alone, but this girl whoever she is, has no one."

Santana was silent for a few moments. She finished a problem on her paper and slammed her book shut. "We're done talking about this," she remarked and left the room.

Puck shook his head and watched his sister leave. He understood. After years of family therapy sessions and countless hours of Shelby talking to them gently in the middle of the night after a nightmare, they were both still angry. It was simply that they had learn to hide their anger more. However, with this knew girl coming into their lives, Puck knew that the anger was beginning to resurface. Or, he thought quietly it never went away.

_ Nine year old Puck sat quietly on the police station bench. He was hugging his elbow to his side as he tried to tame the bleeding on his forearm. _

_ "How's the arm, son?" a police officer asked. _

_ "I'm not your son," he barked quietly. He scanned the room. "Have you called my mom? Did you get her?" _

_ The officer took a deep breath. "We did, but—''_

_ "I want to go home with her, I want to get my sisters and go home," Puck said quickly. He slid off of the bench and started toward the door._

_ "Whoa there," the police officer said kneeling down to Puck's height. "Even though we found your mom, she's not here. She's on a plane back from the city." _

_ Puck's heart began to beat faster and faster in his chest. "Hasn't she been looking for us? Why isn't she here?" _

_ The police officer looked at the young boy. "She has been looking for you, but you and your sisters have been hard to find." _

_ Puck shook his head. He wasn't going to cry. "Well, what am I going to do? What are we going to do? Where are my sisters and I going to go until she gets here?" _

_ The police officer looked like Puck was asking him the hardest questions in the world. These weren't hard questions, he thought. This was like daycare right? Puck could just hang out here until… his mind trailed off. He looked around him. _

_ "Where are my sisters? Did you get there in time?" he asked with a hitch in his breath. "I ran here as fast as I could." _

_ He stared at the police officer in shock. His eyes were getting watery. He almost looked like he was going to cry. Men don't cry, Puck thought to himself. A woman came rushing in where jeans and a t-shirt. Puck looked up at her hopefully. He deflated. It wasn't his mother. _

_ "Where are they?" Puck asked again more forcefully._

_ "Noah," the woman whispered as she knelt down in front of him. _

_ "I don't know you. So unless you are going to take me to my mom, get the HELL out of my face!" Puck screamed. He turned breathlessly back to the police officer not noticing the other officers that had come closer to him to watch the exchange. _

_ Why wasn't anyone telling him anything?_

_ "Where are my sisters? I want my mom!" he screamed grabbing the first lamp he could find and slamming it against the floor. _

_ The woman reached out and picked the child up. He struggled in her arms. "Let me go, you bitch!" _

_ "Noah," she said in a calm voice. "Breathe. Your sisters were taken to the hospital, okay?" Puck stopped struggling and sat quietly on her lap, but wouldn't look at the woman. "Your mother is on her way. However, until she gets here you need to go and stay somewhere safe. You'll get some good meals and a good night's rest."_

_ "I don't want that! I want to go to the hospital! I need to see if they're okay! San, hates hospitals. Our dad died at the hospital." He looked at the woman desperately. "I need to see her. I need to see them both." _

_ "Your sister will probably join you at the place you're going in the next couple days," the woman said. _

_ "What about Rach?" he asked._

_ He saw a flicker of something in the woman's eyes. Her breath became hitched for a moment before she answered. "Rachel, needs to stay there for a little while and then we'll probably put her in a special place where someone can take care of her." _

_ "I can take care of her!" Puck said. "It's only for a few days, right? Until my mom gets here? And then we're going to go back to house in the city. Right?" _

_ The woman looked at him sadly. Puck knew at that moment that it was not that simple. "Puck, we need to make sure that your Mom is ready to take you kids back. What your father's partner-"_

_ "My stepdad," Puck corrected with a sneer. _

_ "What he did was wrong, very wrong, but we need to make sure that your house is the safest it can be with your mom. Okay? And that might take a little while." _

_ Puck felt his heart drop. "The safest place is with my mom." He frowned as he heard her words again in his head. "What do you mean a little while?" _

_ "I mean a little while," she said. "Let's take you to where you're staying okay?" _

_ "Who are you? Why should I go with you?" Puck said defensively pulling away. "I want to go see my sisters." _

_ The woman knelt down. "Natalie and I work for Child Protective Services. We try our best to protect kids." _

_ Puck scowled at her. "You're too late." _

…_._

"Noah?"

He was brought back from the memory. He looked up at his mother. "Yeah?"

"It's almost eleven," Shelby said. "Head up to bed okay?"

"Fine," he muttered as he headed toward the door.

"I love you, sweetheart," she called after him.

"I love you too, mom."

…

Santana looked up at the ceiling in the dark. She didn't want to think about this anymore. She turned to try to find a comfortable position.

"San?" she heard a small voice in the darkness.

She propped herself on her elbows and looked toward the now open door. The night light from the hallway silhouetted Rachel's tiny frame. Damn, she's tiny for twelve, Santana thought to herself.

"Come on. Come here," Santana said quietly.

Rachel's feet patted along the floor and she hopped into Santana's large bed. Santana pulled the blankets over her and turned on her side to face her. "What's up?"

"I got scared," Rachel admitted into the darkness.

Santana gave a sigh. "Well, I'm right here."

"Who's going to protect her?" Rachel asked moments later.

Santana didn't want to think about this new girl and what she had been through. She didn't.

"We will, okay, bug? Go to sleep."

Santana wrapped her arm around her sister and pulled her close to her body. She allowed sleep to take over. She was almost far away in dreamland when something interrupted her.

"San?"

"What, Rach?"

"Never mind," she whispered.

Santana closed her eyes and instead of drifting into a dream, she shifted into a memory.

_Natalie had picked her up from the hospital and drove her to the home. She called it a group home. The woman tired to explain it to her as they drove over there. From what eight year old Santana could understand was that this place was a home for children. It wasn't necessarily an orphanage. It was a big home were lots of kids hung out until their parents were ready to take them home. _

_ "You ready?" Natalie asked as she opened Santana's door. _

_ "Where's my brother?" Santana asked for almost the millionth time in the last fifteen minutes. _

_ "He's probably inside waiting for you," Natalie assured. _

_ Santana pulled the woman along with her. She needed to see her brother. They rang the doorbell and went through two gates that required them to be buzzed in. "Where's my brother?" Santana asked again. _

_ They entered the building. It had bright colors everywhere and high ceilings. There was an indoor playground and work spaces that she could see. Another person came up to her and was talking about her room, or her pod, and wanted her to meet her roommate. Santana shook her head. "Where's my brother?" _

_ The grown ups talked for a few minutes, but Santana didn't hear them. She wanted to find her brother. She finally spotted him waiting outside a room which oddly had her name on the door. _

_ "PUCK!" she screamed and tackled him from across the room. She didn't care that there was a cast on her wrist. She actually forgot. She hugged him tightly and he hugged her back. _

_ "I'm so sorry that I wasn't fast enough," he whispered. _

_ Santana hugged him tighter. _

_ "Is Rachel okay?" he asked. _

_ Santana felt her breath stop and all she could do was nod as the memories came flooding back to her. _

_ "We're going to be okay," he whispered. "I promise." _

_ Santana didn't answer right away. She wanted to argue with her brother. They were at a children's zoo, she thought. They were far from okay. _

_ "Santana?" Puck asked still hugging her. "Santana?" _

…_.._

"Santana time to wake up," Rachel said quietly.

She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. She realized in that moment that she wasn't afraid of knowing this new girl. She was afraid that this new girl would find her out.

…..

"What do you mean you aren't going to practice?" Brittany asked at the end of the school day.

Santana watched a group of girls go by. She had been looking for her new live-in sister all day.

"I have this family thing," Santana said with a heavy sigh.

"Is Rachel okay?" Brittany asked immediately.

She smiled warmly at the question. Her best friend may not know all that had happened. However, she had an instinct to protect her too, and Santana was grateful.

"She's fine," she said. "It's something else." She gave a sigh when she looked at her watch. "I gotta go. Puck's going to have a cow if I'm late. Make sure Q doesn't run the practice."

"I don't think that," Brittany began but was cut off.

"Corcoran, aren't you supposed to be somewhere?" Sue asked coming from out of no where.

"Yes, coach," Santana apologized. "Bye."

Santana ran out to her brother's car. He was beeping his horn like crazy. She noticed a taxi waiting on the other side of the parking lot and scowled. She shook her head. Only Quinn Fabray would have her own personal taxi because of the touch of the bird flu.

"What a spoiled bitch," Santana mumbled as she got into the driver's seat.

"What?" Puck asked as he put the car in gear.

"Nothing," she whispered back.

….

When they arrived at home, their mother didn't strategically place them around the front living room and the foyer. They all seemed to gather there. They were all eager to see who it was. They were eager to meet her.

"Again, I want to remind you guys not to bombard her with questions. I'll explain to her some things. You may stay in the room but try to be quiet and -''

Shelby was interrupted by the doorbell. She opened the front door and the three Corcoran siblings leaned closer to the door to take a look. A middle aged woman stood there.

"Hey, Jackie," she said. "These are my children, Noah, Santana and Rachel."

"Hey guys," she said casually.

"Where is she?"

Jackie took a deep breath and looked behind her. "Will you please come to the door?" she asked to the person out of eyesight to the rest.

There was some shuffling and finally the girl came to the door. The first thing Santana saw was the red and white uniform. And her heart stopped when she saw the girl as the front door closed behind them not allowed any of them to escape.

"Quinn?" Puck asked.

"You're fucking kidding me!" Quinn said dropping her bag.

"Oh hell no!" Santana said staring at her and then volleying her glare between her mother and this social worker.

Rachel looked up at her siblings. "What's wrong?"

"It's Quinn Fabray! That's what's wrong!" Santana said gawking at her mother's audacity. "Did you know it was her?"

"Santana Corcoran, room now," Shelby said in a fiercely, calm but chilling tone.

She shook her head angrily. "Gladly!" And she stomped up the front stairs to her room.

"Why don't we sit in the living room," Shelby guided them.

"I'd rather stand," Quinn said holding her duffle closer to her body.

"That's fine," Shelby said patiently. "As I said when we met before last week, my name is Shelby."

"You forgot to mention your last name," Quinn hissed. She turned to Jackie. "I never would have come here if I knew it was the Corcorans!"

"Yes, you would have," Jackie said sternly. "After the fiasco you caused at the group home, you needed a placement right away. One that could give you more attention."

"She has three children," Quinn snapped. "I'm not going to get more attention."

"There were more then twenty girls at your group home. The numbers were higher there don't you think?" Jackie challenged.

Quinn huffed. She noticed the small brunette leaning against the doorframe watching her.

"What are you looking at?" she asked.

"You," Rachel said without hesitation. "I'm Rachel." She extended her hand.

"I don't care," Quinn said.

"Quinn," Jackie began.

"Hey, don't talk to her like that," Puck said from behind her.

"Puck, shove it!" the blonde snapped. "Jackie, I would rather be at the group home." She started toward the door. "Let's go."

"Not an option, Quinn" Shelby said. "You're placed with me."

"Yeah, you're my therapeutic placement. What the hell does that mean? I'm not a nut case," she said quickly.

"You're right, you're not," Shelby said in an annoyingly calm voice. Quinn hoped to push her buttons and so far she wasn't budging.

"So what? Because you're therapeutic placement does that mean that you're my therapist."

"No," Shelby said. "It just means that I have some experience and qualifications for children more so that typical foster placements."

Quinn narrowed her eyes and looked up the stairs. "Like what? You specialize in angry teens? I mean you're the mom to Puck and Santana so I guess that makes sense."

"Sort of," Shelby said. "Do you want me to explain it more to you?"

The blond seethed and she didn't respond.

"Well, I'm going to leave you. Shelby, call me if you need anything," Jackie called as she opened the door.

"You can't leave me here!" Quinn said. "I don't want to be here."

"I'm sorry, Quinn, but this is where you're placed. If you stop for one second and stop being angry you might enjoy yourself."

"Doubtful," she grumbled as she glared at the Corcorans.

Jackie left the house and everyone seemed to just stare at each other in frustration. Well, perhaps it was just her and maybe Puck.

"Would you like to see the house?" Shelby asked.

"I want to see my room," she demanded. "Jackie told me I would have my own room."

Shelby nodded. "You do. Let's show you then."

Shelby led her up the stairs. Rachel and Puck stayed down in the foyer. Quinn could hear Rachel ask Puck, "Noah, do you know her?"

She shook her head. Know her?

"This is your room."

The room was nice. It was simple with a bed, dresser, nightstand, desk and vanity. "You can decorate it anyway you want just ask permission to paint anything or drill any holes in the walls," Shelby said casually.

"There's no lock on my door," Quinn said incredulously.

"There's only locks on the outside doors. There are also alarms on the windows."

"Why am I a flight risk?" she scoffed.

"Well, actually you are," Shelby said honestly. "And also, I had them installed a long time ago. Believe it or not, I have other children who used to enjoy opening and climbing out windows."

"You probably still do," she barked back.

"I will let you settle in," Shelby said. "Dinner is eaten as a family. I'll let you know when it's ready."

"I'm not hungry and I am NOT a part of your family!" she yelled. "Get out of my room!"

"Alright, I will allow you to skip dinner this evening, but starting tomorrow, we're going be enforcing all of our rules," Shelby said with her obnoxiously calm voice.

"Whatever," Quinn said. "Get out!"

**please review and let me know what you think. Also let me know if you have questions and I will answer them. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you everyone for the reviews. They really mean a lot. I hope I answered your questions in this next chapter. **

**Yes, Shelby is Puck, San, and Rachel's biological mother and they have the same father. **

**A huge shout out to sdmwd1115 for helping me practically every step of the way with this. Hold on tight folks, it's a rocky, rocky ride ahead. **

**Thank you to my beta, threeltlbirds. **

Chapter 3

Her mother had been scolding her for the better part of fifteen minutes. She hadn't heard much of it. She knew for the most part what was being said. Her behavior was inappropriate. She was out of line. Blah blah blah.

"Santana! Are you listening to me?"

She looked up to see her furious mother.

"Not really," Santana said honestly.

Shelby gave a heavy sigh. "I can understand that you're angry, but –''

"No mom, I don't think that you do," Santana sneered. "You knew and you didn't tell me."

"Would it have made a bigger difference, Santana?" she asked honestly. "You know her that might be true, but the fact that she is here in this situation don't you think that indicates that you don't know her?"

"I don't want to know her," she barked. She stood up and paced. "I don't want to know her like this! It's too much."

"Is it?" she asked. She stood and walked up to her. "Is she really what you're angry about?"

"Don't shrink me, Mom!" Santana said with frustration. "I'm mad that there is someone living in my house who is a mega bitch and you knew that I didn't like her. I'm mad because she's here. It's not rocket science."

"Santana, that's it. You need to calm down," Shelby said.

"No, Mom," Santana said as she began to lose it. She needed her mother to see her side. "Can't you see what this might do to Rachel?" She saw her mother frown. She had her hooked. "You brought an abused girl into the house." Santana didn't give herself an opportunity to hear her words. "This might screw everything up."

"Are you sure we're just talking about Rachel here, Santana?" her mother said gently, but seriously. "You're upset. I get that. You have a right to be mad, but I'm not making her leave. Please be the daughter I know and love, be mad, be angry but don't try to tell me that this is just about one thing." She sighed. "No computer, no phone, you're doing homework with Puck, no TV. You are grounded. Two more weeks."

Shelby grabbed her laptop and iPhone from the dresser. Santana sighed and frowned, but didn't look at her mother. "Whatever."

"Are you going to join us for dinner?" Shelby said as she started for the door.

"I would rather not," Santana muttered.

"Well, that's not really an option," Shelby said.

"Then why did you ask?" Santana shot.

"You are bouncing on my last nerve right now," Shelby said. "Straighten up and come down to dinner in five minutes."

"I'm not hungry. I lost my appetite," she sneered.

"I didn't say you have to eat. I said dinner is in 5 minutes," Shelby responded.

Santana frowned and her mother left her room.

…..

Quinn sat on her bed. She was shaking with indignant anger. Of all places she was at Santana Corcoran's house. Hadn't life kicked her enough? There was a faint knock on her door. She turned to see that it was ajar already.

"What!" she growled.

"Don't get your scrunchie in a knot," Puck said leaning against the doorframe.

She shot up and glared at him. "Don't for one second think that you had any effect on my scrunchie. You didn't. And don't get used to me being here, I'm out of here. You can have your little leave it to beaver lifestyle."

Puck frowned. "What?" he asked.

Quinn glared at him. "What the fuck is this? I don't want to bond with you. If you think that we're going to –''

"Shut up, Quinn, if I remember correctly not even two bottles of wine could get us to enjoy making out with each other. So I don't think your bitchness will turn me on. Don't flatter yourself," he snapped. He stepped closer to her and closed the door. "You know nothing about us. So I suggest you pack it in. I get it okay?" He said the last thing more quietly.

"No, you don't. You couldn't possibly know," Quinn glared.

"You'd be surprised if you pull your head out of your ass," he replied.

"Get out of my room," she snapped.

"I thought you said you were leaving. So isn't it my room?" he asked cheekily. He stopped at the door. "We're better than the group home. Trust me."

"Doubt it," she mumbled.

She stared at the window. How the hell was she going to get out of this? She didn't want to be with the perfect Corcoran family. They moved here six years ago. They live in one of the biggest houses in the entire town. They were some kinda of New York City royalty. Puck drove a Mustang. Why on earth was she here? Why was she in this problem at all?

…..

Dinner had been sullen. Rachel sat there quietly watching her sister seethe, her mother contemplate and her brother drift aimlessly in and out of a conversation with her. She didn't even want to know what was happening in his head.

"Are we done here?" Santana asked from her sulking position as she sat slouched in the chair.

Shelby turned to Rachel. "You may be excused. You can do your homework in your room." She turned to her two older children. "Santana, it's your turn to clean up. Noah, grab your work."

"I can't concentrate," Santana said with a shake of her head.

"Do I look like I was suggesting that?" Shelby asked. "Get to work please."

Fuckity Fuck Fuck Fuck! Santana was more furious that she couldn't grin and bear this. She could handle a loser. But not her. Anyone but her. She cleaned up the dishes and loaded the dishwasher. This was absurd. What did it all mean? She needed to clear her head. She needed to sort things out. She turned next to her and saw that her brother was pretending to read his history textbook but was drawing in the margins.

"Noah," Shelby said from the kitchen computer. "I expect to see those chapter review questions by the end of the evening."

Santana sneered at her brother. She told him when they were younger that she had eyes in the back of her head. Still true.

"Santana, you're not fooling anyone," Shelby said still not looking up at her two eldest. "Please at least pretend to read."

She huffed and sunk deeper into her chair. She grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled discretely "give me your phone." "No," her brother wrote back. "Give me your phone or I will tell Mom where your porn stash is."

Puck sighed and nodded. His eyes told her that she would get it once their mother left to put Rachel to bed.

Speaking of the devil, Santana spotted the tiny brunette wander into the room.

"Hey, bug. All done?"

"No," she muttered. "Just taking a break."

Santana narrowed her eyes as she watched her sister open the refrigerator and grab a bottle of water and an apple. "You just ate, bug," she said from the table.

"Leave her alone," Puck interjected. "You know that she eats like a five year old and basically snacks through the day. Lay off."

"Someday, you'll go through puberty, babe," Santana said with a squint of her eyes and tilt of her head.

Rachel's size had always been a sore subject. She had been born two months early and in combination with her father Leroy's very short mother, she was told she wouldn't grow to be more than five feet. When your sister was five-five and your brother was six feet, you didn't really have a prayer. She was always babied and her size didn't sway in her favor. "Shut up, hippo!" she shot back at Santana.

"Hey!" Shelby interjected. "Rachel Corcoran! We do not attack each other's size and weight. Santana, please knock it off! Do not give her a hard time because she's slightly smaller than you."

"Slightly, Mom? She can fit in my pocket," Santana scoffed.

"Santana!"

"Only because your pants are fat pants!" Rachel yelled back.

"Girls, I mean it!"

Rachel looked at her mother. "Sorry," she muttered.

"Don't apologize to me," Shelby corrected.

"I'm sorry that I called you a lard butt," Rachel muttered loud enough for Santana to hear but hoping that it wasn't loud enough for her mother to hear.

Santana shook her head. She's eleven. She's eleven. She repeated in her head. She watched as the small brunette headed back up the back stairs.

"Rachel," Shelby called out without looking up from her computer. "Apologize to your sister again please. And Rachel, you know that you cannot eat in your room."

She stopped mid step. "I know I changed my mind. I put the apple back." She turned to Santana. "I'm sorry."

As she headed up the stairs she heard Santana ask, "Why doesn't she have to do homework down here?"

"Did she punch someone in the face? Was she incredibly rude to a houseguest in front of a colleague of mine? Would you like me to continue?" Shelby asked.

"No," Santana recoiled.

…

Rachel climbed the stairs and walked quietly down the hallway. She saw that the guest room door was slightly ajar. She gave a soft knock and went in.

"What?" the older girl growled.

"Hi," Rachel said and without hesitation sat on the bed.

Quinn scowled at her. "What do you want?" she asked with annoyance.

Her frown faded slightly when Rachel held out a bottle of water and an apple. "I would have grabbed you more, but my sister was watching. Plus I barely got it past my mom." Quinn stared at the two objects. "Aren't you hungry?" Rachel asked.

"No," she muttered and turned away.

"Liar." Rachel grinned. "I can get you more later, but I have to wait until they finish their homework."

"Why do you have to do homework downstairs?" Quinn asked grabbing the apple.

"You're welcome," Rachel frowned. "Because that's the rule. When you're in trouble, you have to spend more time with my mom. Alone time is a privilege."

"Great," the blonde muttered. She took a bite of her apple and examined Rachel's appearance. She looked like her mother and had a spark in her eyes that she had seen in both Puck and Santana. "How old are you? Nine? I've seen you at practices a lot."

Rachel stared at her indignantly. "I'm eleven years old. Thank you very much."

"Excuse me," Quinn replied with a shake of her head.

"I'm sorry my sister was such a witch to you," she said quietly. "She's like that a lot, but if you get to know her she's not that terrible."

"Oh, don't worry, I know her," the blond said with a glare.

"I really don't think you do," Rachel whispered.

"What do you know?" she barked.

"Well, I've known her my whole life. I'd say that I know her best. At least better than you!" she argued with equal passion.

"Whatever," she mumbled and took a bite of the apple.

"I'm glad you're here though," Rachel said sitting up taller on the bed.

"Well, that makes one person," she snapped.

"You don't have to be so angry. I understand that you are though. Noah and Santana were," Rachel informed her.

"Noah?" she gave a smile and arched her eyebrow.

"He likes to be called Puck at school. When we lived in New York, he played hockey and they started calling him Puck because he hit it so hard. He was their number one scorer. Santana called him "balls" for a bit because she thought his logic behind his nickname was ridiculous."

Quinn tried not to smirk. "Yeah, sounds it."

Rachel kneaded her bottom lip in between her teeth. "We're not that bad if you give us a chance. I won't even talk to you about veganism for at least two weeks."

"I don't think I'll last that long here," she replied.

"Why not?" she asked shifting on the bed.

"Because my mom's going to get me," she said with a matter-of-fact tone.

She studied her face carefully before she finally could form her words. "I thought your mom hurt you," Rachel said.

Quinn narrowed her eyes. She glared at the girl trying to look in her eyes to see what the girl knew. "No, she just... She just drinks a lot. She'll stop so that I can come home and then I'll be home."

"I don't think it works like that," Rachel said carefully.

"What do you know?"

"Like I said, more than you think," she replied as she looked at her hands.

Quinn shook her head and stood up. She had had enough of this. Having an eleven-year-old midget tell her what was going to happen pushed her over the edge. "Well, I'm out of here."

"Where are you going exactly?" Rachel said with a frown.

"Anywhere but here," she grumbled as she started for the window.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the young girl said tentatively as Quinn reached for the window. "I'm serious. I wouldn't do that," she said again as Quinn gripped onto the latch.

"And why not?" she asked. Quinn pulled the latch to open.

The alarm sounded. Quinn' eyes bulged. "That's why," Rachel said as she put her hands over her ears.

…..

"What the hell is that?" Santana asked bolting from her seat and rushing up the stairs. "Rachel!"

"San?" Rachel yelled over the beeping noises.

Santana spotted her sister at the top of the back stairwell with her hands over her ears. She marched into the guest bedroom and saw Quinn desperately trying to close the window.

"You're an idiot!" she shouted.

She reached past the girl and slammed the window shut. Once it was closed, Rachel ran down the stairs yelling at her mom that it was closed. Santana glared at Quinn with folded arms. Neither one of them broke their gaze until the alarm finally stopped. She could hear the steps of Shelby coming up the stairs.

"Didn't believe me, Quinn?" Shelby asked.

Quinn snapped out of her glaring contest with Santana. "Is this jail? Because it sure as hell feels like it!"

"Language," Shelby corrected. "Santana, take Rach to bed please."

"I can put myself to bed," Rachel protested.

"Sure you can," Santana said as she shot Quinn one last glare before she led Rachel down the hallway.

"Quinn, did you not hear me before?"

"This is ridiculous! This is jail!" Quinn said again.

"Or maybe it's a place that encourages the use of doors instead of second story windows," she replied folding her arms.

"Maybe you should reconsider why your children are trying to sneak out of second story windows!" Quinn barked back.

"Get ready for bed, Quinn," Shelby said. "Remember having your own room is a privilege. Either straighten up or you're moving in with Santana. And I'm serious about that.

"I'm not staying here for long, you know!" she called after her angrily.

Shelby turned with her hands on her hips. "Is that what you think?"

"I know," Quinn said folding her arms. "This is just temporary."

"We're going to talk about this in the morning," she said gently turning away from the girl.

"No, damn it! We're going to talk about it now. You don't know anything about me!"

The older woman put her hands on her hips. "You want to test that theory?"

Quinn's face faltered a little.

"It's late," she replied. "Go to bed."

"I'm not sleeping here!" Quinn yelled as Shelby walked out of the room.

She huffed and collapsed on the bed. She wasn't going to admit how exhausted she was using all of the energy.

"Spas-tastic," Santana called from the doorframe. Her arms were folded and she had her patented scowl. "Don't talk to my sister."

"She talked to me, McTits," Quinn said as she settled inches away from Santana's face. "I may be in your house, but remember I'm Captain. And you are OFFICIALLY on the bottom. Get ready."

Santana shook her head. "You fu—''

"Room now!" Shelby barked from the top of the stairs.

She looked at the blond and then back in the direction of her mother.

"I don't care what happened to you. All I care about is you getting the fuck out of my house," Santana whispered close to Quinn's ear.

"Don't worry. I'll be out of here!" she hissed.

Quinn watched her leave. She sat quietly on the bed and heard everyone go to bed for the night. There was something about being in other people's houses that hurt. Mainly because you knew it wasn't yours.

…..

She slammed the door behind her. What had happened? Quinn Fabray was down the hallway. What? She heard something beep in her pocket and suddenly remembered that she had bribed the phone from her brother. She had one lifeline left.

She dialed the familiar number.

"Britt? I need to talk to you," Santana said quietly going into the closet to muffle her call.

After explaining the whole situation, there was silence on the other end.

"So she's living with you?" Brittany asked again.

"Yes," Santana said with a heavy sigh.

There was a long silence on the other end. "You know I'm always on your side, S." Brittany took a deep breath. "And you're undoubtedly my best friend.—'''

"Of course, I am," Santana grinned with a shrug over the phone.

"But you and Quinn are more stubborn than those goats who lock horns on the top of the mountains," Brittany said.

"What?"

"You just keep fighting and fighting until you're both tangled up," she said quietly. "Maybe you should give her a chance."

"Not a chance in hell, Britts!" Santana yelled trying to muffled her anger into the phone. "She can't move into my house, into my life. I can't have that."

"How long have we been friends?" Brittany asked. There was a change in her tone.

"Forever?" Santana said. "Okay, since I moved here."

"And how much have you shared with me?"

Santana paused. She hadn't shared a lot with Brittany. She just shared enough to know that there was something there. Something that Santana didn't want to say.

"Exactly," Brittany said to the silence. "You're not mad at her. You're freaked out because you might have to be vulnerable."

Wait, Santana thought. How did this happen? How did this conversation suddenly turn on her?

"That's not true," she hissed.

"San, I've know her a long time, and not once was she ever allowed to host any of the sleepovers. Her parents have never been to the games or the competitions. There's something going on there."

She thought about her friend's words. No, she shook her head. She wasn't going to feel bad for her. It wasn't going to happen.

"No way, Britt. I don't –''

Suddenly, the door to her closet opened.

"Are you kidding me?" Shelby asked with her hands on her hips.

"I gotta go, Britt. Mom-zilla, just made an appearance."

"Tell her I say hello!" Santana heard Brittany say as her mother tore the phone away from her.

"Good night, Brittany," Shelby said into the phone and hung up. "You my dear, have now accumulated a month of grounding. Bed now!"

…..

The house was silent. Rachel continued to go over scenarios in her head as she watched the fan circle above her. She was trying to figure out the girl down the hallway. Her memories weren't as vivid as her siblings'. However, she remembered that people were scared, even if they never admitted it.

She heard a soft knock on her door. It had been an hour since the house's chaos settled. Her mother and sister stopped screaming. She grabbed a book on her nightstand so that it looked as if she was previously doing something.

"Yeah?" she called out setting the book open in her lap.

"Hey pumpkin," her mother said coming over and sitting down on the edge of her bed. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," she said carefully. "Why?"

"A lot of things have happened this evening," Shelby said carefully.

"You're not going to ask me about my feelings are you?" Rachel asked with a slight frown.

"Actually, I am bug," Shelby said moving a stray piece of Rachel's hair off of her face. She searched the girl's eyes for an answer. "Did you take your inhaler after the alarm went off?"

Rachel looked away and played with the edges of the pages of her books.

"Rachel," Shelby said with a shake of her head. "Sit up and take a deep breath for me please."

"Mom," she protested.

"I'm serious," Shelby said.

Rachel sat up reluctantly. Shelby leaned closely to her youngest daughter to hear her breathe deeply.

"You sound okay, but I asked you before when the alarm went off to take it," she said sitting back up.

Rachel settled back into her bed. "I hate taking that thing. I don't like it."

"I don't care. I love a daughter who can breathe," she said with a smirk.

"You wouldn't love me if I couldn't?" she asked with a slight grin.

"Don't be a cheeky bugger, bug," Shelby said kissing the top of her head. "I love you so much."

"I love you most," Rachel said with a grin. Shelby winked at her daughter and headed out of the room. "Hey, Mom? Will she be okay?"

"Which one?" Shelby asked with a sigh.

"Both of them," she replied after a moment.

"I think so. They're just really mad right now."

She watched as her eleven year old daughter thought carefully for a few moments. She knew that look. The girl was constructing her words carefully.

"We need to be patient like we were before. San and Noah got better. The anger melted away." They were less than sentences and more hopeful statements.

"Absolutely. Good night," Shelby said closing the door.

Rachel took a deep breath and settled into her bed. She didn't remember much about when she moved away from the shelter before, but she remembered one thing. When she was back in her mother's arms again she felt safe. She hoped that Quinn would feel that too. She didn't have her brother and sister's memories of what it was like before their father, Leroy, remarried to Hiram. She didn't have the memory of what it was like when it was just her, San, Noah, Mom, and Dad. She didn't remember that.

She did remember her father. Vaguely, but she remembered him. He had been her only entertainment. He stayed home with her. It was only supposed to be until she was ready for preschool. However, he never saw that. Hiram lost his job and everything seemed to crumble after that. However, when you're barely three years old, you don't realize how badly things crumble until you're on the other side. Her happy moments were the transition back to Shelby after it had all happened. She remembered once telling Santana that. That was one of the few times that Rachel had seen her cry. She didn't intent for what she said to be sad or cause sympathy. It had just been a statement. How were you supposed to miss something you never had? Her eyes began to get heavier. They were almost closed when there was a knock at the door.

"Hey, are you asleep?" Puck asked coming into the room.

"No," Rachel mumbled rolling on her side to look at her brother. "What's up?"

"I just….. If ... "

She watched as her big brother dug way into the back of his brain for his words.

"If either one of those girls give you a hard time, you tell me, alright?"

She frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"They're both pissed. If they give you a hard time you let me know." He sighed. "Did that alarm scare you earlier?"

"Seriously, Noah. I'm not five years old," she said with a frown that looked very similar to Santana's.

He gave her a smirk. "Yes, you are. You'll always be my baby sister. Always."

…..

Shelby emerged from the hallway and saw that Quinn had finally forfeited and changed into some sort of sleepwear.

"You're not going to sit in here and watch me sleep are you? Because that's a whole new level of creepy," Quinn said as she crawled under the covers.

"Do I need to watch you all night? Your behavior hasn't demonstrated that you do well alone," she countered.

Quinn scowled.

Shelby thought she would take a dive. "Did you have a bedtime routine at home with your parents?"

She watched as a wall that the girl had been holding up crumbled completely. Quinn bit of her lip and rebuilt the wall almost immediately.

"No, I didn't," she said quietly. She looked down at the sheets.

"Well, I'll let you go to sleep. I'll wake you up in the morning. I might come in and check on you in the middle of the night. I do that for the other three too. I won't wake you up, but in case I do." Shelby watched carefully as the girl nodded and turned over in bed. "Well, then. See you tomorrow, Quinn. I'm glad you're here."

Shelby turned off the lights and walked out of the room leaving the door slightly ajar. She watched the girl for a moment in the hallway. The blonde tossed in her bed trying to get comfortable. She watched as the girl peaked over her shoulder to make sure she was out of sight and crept quietly out of bed and dug around silently in her duffle. Finally, she pulled out what Shelby guessed to be an old stuffed white lamb. Noticing how much more relaxed she was, Shelby felt a sense of relief as the angry girl settled into the bed. She walked down the hallway and out of sight.

….

Santana tossed in the darkness of her room. She glanced at her clock. It was one in the morning. She hadn't slept a bit. She was too angry. She was seething. She was so mad she was shaking. She could feel her rage building to an uncontrollable level. She needed to settle. She needed to calm. She remembered all of those stupid breathing exercises that her mother and her therapist tried to reinforce into her daily routine. However, one thing worked. One thing only.

She crept across the hallway to her sister's room. She saw her curled up like she always was. The side lamp was on. She gave a small sigh. She knew that Rachel wouldn't say a word to anyone, but the alarm freaked her out. It was loud and abrupt and aggressive. She leaned close to her tiny body and immediately felt herself relax.

"San?"

She heard the girl mumble.

"Yeah, bug, it's me. Go back to sleep."

Santana watched as Rachel's tired eyes turned and looked at her.

"I'm glad I have you," she mumbled as she snuggled into her sister's arms.

Santana released a chuckle. "I'm glad I have you too."

She closed her eyes and let her body relax. She felt Rachel stir in her arms again. "Rach, go to sleep."

She propped open one eye to see that Rachel had both of hers open and was thinking hard.

"Hold on, there's something I need to do," the younger girl muttered as she sat up and crawled out of bed. "Don't move," she instructed.

Santana won't. "Don't worry. I won't."

…

Around one o'clock, Shelby crept out of bed to check on the children. Traditionally she was a night owl. At the height of her career in New York that was the only way she functioned. She poked her head into her son's room. He was sprawled out in his bed face down drooling into his pillow. She shook her head. What a stud.

She opened Quinn's door next and saw that the bed was empty. She was about to go into panic mode when she saw a small body curled up in the far corner of the room. Quinn had dragged her pillow out of the bed and pulled the comforter of and was now out like a light on the floor in the corner of the room. Shelby walked over to the far side of the room near the adjoining bathroom with Santana so she could see the girl better. She saw that the angry blond now looked slightly peaceful in her sleep. She wanted to know what was wrong with the bed. However, she suspected the reason. She reached behind her and was about to turn on the bathroom light, when she heard the familiar pitter-patter of footsteps.

She hid herself quietly in the bathroom as she watched her youngest daughter tiptoe into the room. She watched Rachel sneakily from the bathroom as the girl looked at the bed with a perplexed look. The moonlight that shone through the window etched her confused brow. Her brow calmed when she saw Quinn curled in the corner. Rachel walked carefully over to her. Shelby poked her head out and watched with curiosity as Rachel set her stuffed monkey next to Quinn's sleeping form. She felt something clench in her chest with pride and heartache as her youngest daughter kissed the stuffed monkey with innocent tenderness and tiptoed out of the room.

Please Please please review.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey everyone, thank you for the love and support you give this little story. I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to update. In order to make up for it, here's a kinda long crazy chapter. Hold onto your hats, kids. **

**Thanks again to sdmwd1115 for helping me practically every step of the way with this.**

**Thank you to my beta, threeltlbirds. **

**This chapter is pretty long. I'm sorry for those of you who don't like long chapters. Please let me know and I'll try to break it up. Hoever, for those of you who read **_**Changes In the Tides, Courage in the Wings**_** know that those chapters were HEINOUSLY long. P.S. I'm still thinking about that story. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about those girls. **

* * *

><p>When Quinn woke up, she didn't open her eyes right away. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to be reminded that this was her life. She listened to the noises around her. The house was quiet. After living in the chaos that was the group home, the Corcorans' house was so quiet. However it wasn't the eerie quiet of her parents' house. It was different. She shook her head. She wasn't going to be happy here. No way. She needed to embrace her anger again.<p>

She turned and sat up. She had crawled and slept on the floor because it felt safer and more comfortable than the bed. She searched around for her lamb. She needed to put her away before Santana saw her. She didn't need to give that girl more fuel to use against her. She felt something unfamiliar and she scowled.

There was an old, but not tattered stuffed monkey next to her. I looked very similar to the cartoon character Curious George. It was well taken care of but clearly it had seen better days. She looked around. She would bet that Santana's little sister gave it to her in the middle of the night. What was her name again? Rachel. She shook her head. She was going to refuse to recognize the cuteness of the gesture.

"You're awake," said a voice at the door.

Quinn scowled in response. Shelby was leaning against the open bedroom door. She gave the girl a soft smile. She expected Shelby to ask her why she was on the floor, but the question never came. Quinn shook off her own surprise and focused more on her frown.

"If I were you, I would take a shower now," Shelby said. "The rest of the kids aren't up yet."

She continued to frown but stood up and started toward the bathroom.

"That's George," Shelby said nodding to the monkey as Quinn quickly stuffed her lamb in her duffle. "Maybe Rachel will tell you the story of how she got it."

"Great," she sneered. Quinn put the monkey on the bed that wasn't slept in.

"George is pretty special to Rachel. I'm surprised that she gave him to you," Shelby said folding her arms.

"Well, now I feel super special," she hissed.

"Knock it off with the attitude, Quinn," Shelby said straightening and handing Quinn a fresh pair of towels. "You've been in this house less than twenty four hours and clearly Rachel adores you. Please don't be a little snot."

Quinn stared at Shelby. She couldn't remember the last time she was scolded for her bad attitude.

She shook her head. "Fine. Whatever."

"We're leaving in about 45 minutes. Get ready. Get dressed and come downstairs."

Quinn huffed and went into the bathroom.

….

Santana heard the door of Rachel's room creak open. Her eyes popped open immediately. Rachel was still cuddled into her. She needed to get out of here before Quinn saw her. She spotted her mother at the door with a look on her face that only Shelby could wear.

"Hi Mom, I need to shower," she said hurriedly as she popped out of bed, waking up her sister.

"Santana," Shelby said bringing her sprinting daughter to a halt. "Quinn is in the bathroom. And the three of us will talk about this later."

Shelby watched as her eldest daughter frown and then look back quickly at Rachel before walking rushing down the hallway. She heard who she suspected was Quinn enter into the hallway.

As Santana closed Rachel's door behind her, Quinn emerged from her room toweling her hair. "I thought you had your own room," the blond sneered.

"I thought you just got in the shower. Did you even bathe?" Santana barked back. She saw a slight falter in Quinn's face. "Whatever. I need the bathroom anyway."

When she heard doors close, Shelby turned her attention to her youngest child who sat up in bed and was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She sat down on her bed and rubbed her legs.

"Morning, sweetheart," Shelby said gently.

Rachel blinked a few times and looked at her mother. She spotted George.

"Why do you have George?" Rachel asked. She looked at her mother with a genuine look that she never quite outgrew. "I gave that to Quinn last night."

"I know," Shelby said after a pause.

"Oh," the young girl deflated slightly. "I was trying to be nice. She's my new sister right?"

"Yes," she said watching her daughter carefully. "In some ways yes, but in some ways no."

"She needs to adjust, right?"

Shelby nodded as she wondered how this precocious eleven year old understood this. "She's had a really hard time, Rach."

"I know. And she doesn't want to be here. And she hates Santana and Santana and Puck are angry and you're stressed. I'm …. I know she's not my sister, but I just feel badly for her…." Rachel looked into her mother's eyes. "She had no one. I've always had San."

There was something in Shelby's eyes that Rachel couldn't comprehend.

"I'm just… I thought George might help her…." She trailed off.

Shelby regained her composure. "I know, Rach, but I don't think she's ready for it. I think she appreciates George, but I don't think she'll admit to it. Maybe you can try to give him to her again this evening."

Rachel gave a small smile and looked at her hands. She suddenly looked at the door. "Is Santana okay?"

Her mother followed her gaze out the open door. "She's angry but she'll be okay."

"You hope she will," Rachel interjected.

"Yes," Shelby smiled. "I hope."

…..

Puck entered the kitchen and was met with an uncomfortable silence. Rachel and Santana were sitting at the breakfast table munching on cereal. Santana was pushing hers around more than anything. Quinn was sitting as far away as she could on a bar stool at the counter with her hear buried in her own cereal bowl.

"Hey," he said cautiously.

Living in a house with his mother and two sisters had been bad enough. Now, the house was not only overflowing with estrogen, it was combusting with angry estrogen.

He watched the women continue to glare. He decided to talk to his safest bet.

"Rach, are almost done?"

She tore her attention away from the old girls whom she had been staring at back and forth and nodded at her brother.

"Yes, I am almost finished," she replied crisply. "Mom, may I walk to the high school with Kurt?"

Quinn's head shot up. "Kurt Hummel? Finn's little brother?" she asked in surprise.

"Yeah," Santana said dropping her bowl in the sink. "The midgets are friends. Do you have a problem with that too?"

The blonde shot the girl a death glare and then noticed Rachel looking at her also. "No," she finally said. "I just…" she watched Rachel's face carefully. "I just used to date his brother. I didn't realize you were friends. Kurt is … a nice boy."

Santana and Puck chuckled. "He's obnoxious as hell," Puck laughed. "But… 'nice boy' is a alright."

"You and Hudson dated all last year, what happened?" Santana asked.

The girl shook her head. This wasn't something she wanted to discuss in the kitchen of the Corcorans. She reconsidered. Or ever with the Corcorans.

"We weren't going anywhere. And it's none of your business. It's over," she said sliding off of the stool.

"Whatever," Santana muttered. "Come on, Rach."

Santana started toward the door.

"Freeze," Shelby commanded. "Quinn, I'm taking you to school. I need to sign a few papers with Mr. Figgins." Santana gave her signature glare. "Santana," her mother scolded getting her attention. "You are super grounded which means that you have the pleasure of catching a ride with your mother to school. Congratulations. Puck, you and Rach can go ahead."

"Bye," Rachel mumbled and barely had time to respond before Puck practically ran with her out the back door.

"Mom!" Santana yelled.

"Look at me, both of you," Shelby commanded. "You're both in serious trouble. Your behavior toward each other is ridiculous. It's childish and tiring. Not only are you both grounded for the next month, but you will spending time together."

Quinn tried to refrain from cowering, but she saw that Shelby noticed her reaction.

"Grounding in this house means your privileges are eliminated. You are to spend most of your time with me. Errands, homework, you name it," Shelby explained. She was trying to convey that they did not physically punish in this household. She wasn't sure if the young blonde understood her. She made a mental note to discuss it later.

"I'm not going to be here that long," Quinn barked.

Santana beat Shelby to respond. "You have no idea how the system works. Nothing with CPS gets solved in one month. NOTHING! You're with us for at least six. So suck it UP!"

The words caused both girls to pale as the realized their meaning.

Shelby cleared her throat. "Get in the car."

Both of the girls were sullenly in the car, Quinn wasn't going to take it. They were about half way to McKinley. She needed to regain some sort of control.

"I heard that you moved from New York," Quinn said. "I thought you were on Broadway….. how are you a therapist? Are you a fake therapist, like Dr. Phil? Because that makes me feel tremendous."

"Hey, don't talk to my mother like that!" Santana barked from the backseat.

"Santana, calm down," Shelby instructed. "Quinn, I expect more respect from you. Now, to answer your question. While my parents were supportive of my Broadway career they knew it wouldn't last forever. I received my undergrad from Columbia. It took me a year longer than most because I was doing eight shows a week, but I did it. When I was married to Santana's father and even while we were divorced, I was able to take some time and earn my PhD in a few years." She caught her daughter's eye in the backseat. "We were a good team. We were able to balance our work and our children. Some how. But we did it."

Quinn noticed that Santana had become terribly quiet in the back seat. Shelby looked at her daughter in her rear view mirror.

"I thought you went to London to tour with Wicked when it opened," Quinn said looking at Shelby.

"I did," Shelby said with a clenched jaw. "But that was a mistake. I was there for too long."

"How long?"

"Shut up, Quinn," Santana hissed. "Stop interrogating my mother unless you're ready to take it too, because I have more than a few questions to ask you."

Quinn huffed but silenced and stared out the window.

Shelby let the tension embrace the car again as all that was left unsaid blanketed them into silence.

….

Quinn sat silently through the meeting with Principal Figgins. She didn't want to be here. Six months? Six months with the Corcorans. She didn't want to let the tears to fall, but they were threatening to. She sucked them back in. No, she wasn't going to do this.

"…And here is her schedule," Quinn heard the principal say.

Quinn spun to glare at this woman. Who did she think she was? "Are you kidding me?" Quinn asked looking between the principal and this woman who seemed to be taking over her life.

"I know what courses Noah and Santana are taking. I will know yours," Shelby said. She turned back to the man. "Are we finished?"

"Thank you for coming in, Mrs. Corcoran," he said politely standing. He looked awkwardly at Quinn. "Best of luck."

"Whatever," Quinn mumbled and walked out into the hallway. " She heard Shelby's heels clicking behind her. She turned and faced her. "Please don't walk me to class too. My life is already humiliating enough." Even though she sneered, Shelby could see that she was pleading.

"I'm not. Just be prepared after school. I'm coming to pick you up. You have your follow up doctor's appointment," she explained quietly.

"Are we done here?" she asked with a sigh.

"Yes," Shelby said. "I expect a better attitude when I pick you up."

Quinn shook her head and started her day. She wasn't going to pick her up, she thought as she rounded the corner. She spotted Karofsky holding a slushie. She grabbed it from his hand and threw it at a random freshman. She took a big sigh. She felt so much better. She was Quinn Fabray. She was head bitch. And no one, especially a Corcoran, would tell her what to do.

…

Santana arrived in the locker room early. She had stolen a freshman Cheerio's phone and texted Brittany earlier to meet her before practice. Thanks to Puck's idiocy, he too lost his phone. She sighed. Perhaps it was because he gave it to her. She shook her head. No, she wasn't going to think about that. The day had been long. She shared three classes with Quinn. She had spent the whole period glaring at the blonde. However, Quinn shot her the infamous evil smirk that she had come to trademark and didn't say a word. It was a smirk that gave Santana the chills. After being on the Cheerios with her for so long, she knew without hesitation that she was up to something.

"Hey," she heard a voice behind her and smiled.

"Hey, B," Santana said with a weak smile. She felt more relaxed she saw her. She wrapped her arms around her best friend. "I hate that bitch," she whined into her friend's shoulder.

Brittany chuckled. "That bad huh? You're never in a hugging mood. You do know this means your hugging quota is now expired," she said with a laugh. "You all right?"

"I hate that fugly bitch!" Santana said pulling away. "I want her out of my house."

She straightened when she heard the door open to the locker room. She learned a long time ago that she could be more herself around Brittany. However, Santana Corcoran was not like that to everyone else. She wouldn't be weak. Her tan face scowled more deeply when the blonde that she was just loathing walked around the corner.

"Make yourself comfortable at the bottom of the pyramid," Quinn said with a cock of her head.

"You better shut that trap a'fore I ends you," Santana barked as she inched toward the blond.

"Please," Quinn replied with a roll of her eyes. "What are you going to do? Aren't you grounded?" Her voice was taunting.

Brittany held Santana back as she stepped close to the blond who gave her a smug look. Santana wanted so desperately to wipe that look off of her face.

"San, calm down," Brittany whispered into her ear.

Santana ignored her. She couldn't break her gaze from the alien in her guest bedroom.

Quinn walked towards the door. She turned on her heels and gave Santana another smirk. "I won't be needing a ride to your spoiled house. I'm out. Tell your family that they can fuck themselves."

That was it. That was fucking it. She ripped herself out of Brittany's arms and tackled Quinn to the ground. The locker room seemed to erupt in screams. Santana gained the upper hand and flipped Quinn over by her hair so that Santana was straddling her. Her palm flew sharply and connected with Quinn's perfect face.

"You bitch!" she screamed.

Quinn screamed in anguish as she shook off her stinging cheek, found her footing, kicked Santana off of her and they tumbled on the floor, crashing into the lockers. Quinn grabbed Santana's pony and held her head in place as she brought her own open palm back and slapped her across the face.

"Fuck you, bitch! Take your Yankee tatas, and get the hell out of my face!" Quinn screamed.

Santana rolled onto her side and pushed herself up to standing. She scowled and ran at the blonde. Pinning her against the lockers, she brought her face closer to Quinn.

"These are 100% real you crazy cock sucking Lima Loser," she barked. She slammed Quinn into the lockers.

Quinn forced her off of her and slammed the brunette's body into the opposite aisle of lockers.

"You crazy fucking bitch, I will-''

Throughout their fight they did not see the other Cheerios enter in awe and interest. They did not hear Brittany's yells of protest. However, what brought them both to a halt was a whistle.

"SHUT UP!" Sue Sylvester screamed after she blew her whistle so loudly that Quinn was sure her eardrums were vibrating.

"Brittany, take everyone out to the field," she ordered. She pointed at the girls with annoyance and frustration and a bark that had both of the girls plummeting back to reality. "You and you. My office!"

…..

Kurt chattered away next to Rachel as they walked up the street to the high school. Lima was a small enough town that the two schools were nestled in the same corner of town. Rachel pulled her backpack tighter to her body. She couldn't stop thinking about Quinn. What had happened to her? Had it been the same as what had happened with them?

"Rachel? Rachel?" Kurt's voice finally made it into her head.

"Yeah?" she asked looking at him curiously.

"Isn't that your mom?" Rachel looked over her shoulder and followed her friend's gaze.

"Yes, it is," she said with a frown.

Shelby pulled her Range Rover next to the two children on the sidewalk. She rolled down the window.

"Want a ride?" she asked with a smile.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" Rachel asked with confusion.

"Quinn has an appointment and I'm meeting with Coach Sylvester," Shelby said glancing down at her Blackberry.

The eleven-year-old girl frowned. "What did they do?" she asked with curiosity.

"Did they have another down throw?" Kurt asked as he leaned against Shelby's car.

Rachel frowned and looked at her friend. "It's a throwdown." She turned back to her mother. "Please say no."

"Rachel, this doesn't concern you. Do you want a ride or not, kids?"

She looked at Kurt briefly and ignored her friend's pleading eyes. She sighed and shook her head. "We're fine, Mom," Rachel said. "It's only four more blocks."

"Alright, sweetheart. Behave for Noah. I'll be home with the girls around dinner time," Shelby said with a wink. "Thank you for walking with her, Mr. Hummel."

Kurt shrugged in embarrassment. "It's fine, ma'am."

"Bye, kids."

Rachel watched her mother drive away with a frown. Kurt continued to blabber next to her.

"Rachel, are you even listening?" She heard Kurt ask.

"Not, really," Rachel whispered.

"Why not?" Kurt asked as they approached McKinley High School. He looked at her curiously.

"Never mind," Rachel muttered. She looked at him was more conscious attention. "What were you saying?"

…

Quinn looked around. Santana was seething next to her. She couldn't be here. She couldn't be sitting in Coach Sylvester's office. She couldn't go back to the Corcorans'. She couldn't go home. She couldn't even sit here. However, she knew one thing: She was getting out of here.

"I need to go to the bathroom," she said standing up.

"Bull shit," Sue called from her desk.

Santana scowled at her. "You can't be serious."

Quinn hardened her face. "I will pee on your floor right here."

Santana scoffed. "Bull shit!"

"Santana!"

The brunette froze as her mother rounded into Coach Sylvester's office.

"Sit down, Quinn," Shelby instructed.

The blonde did not have a choice as Shelby closed the door of Coach Sylvester's office.

"Ice queen," Sue nodded to the woman.

"Lucifer," Shelby offered and took her seat. "Why am I here?"

"I tried to send for one of your flying monkeys, but I guess the message got lost in the storm."

"What's going on, Sue?" Shelby asked annoyed taking in the girls' postures.

"It seems like your eldest daughter Tweedledee," Santana glared at Sue indignantly. The woman continued. "And her newest live-in sibling, Tweedle-dumb." Quinn scoffed loudly and folded her arms tighter. Sue ignored her. "Got into a little rough-n-tumble today."

Shelby shook her head. "Do you ever speak like a regular human being?"

"No, I'm part god," Sue said with a shrug.

"Like Hercules? I knew you were kicked out of the heavens. They wouldn't be able to contain you," Shelby said smugly. "Welcome to the world."

"Your wit astounds me. Thank you for your warm welcome. I hate it here already." Sue sighed and looked at the women. "We need to discuss a few things."

…

Rachel sat on the bleachers watching the practice idly. Kurt was talking quietly next to her about something again. She wanted to not be watching practice. She wanted to be helping Quinn. She wanted to be included but instead she was ostracized to the bleachers.

"We need to make our year great," Kurt said. His words had finally made it through her thoughtful barrier. "They're doing a musical at school?"

"Oh right," Rachel said as she cringed and watcher her brother scream at another player. He was pulling another player by the cage of their helmet.

"Rachel? What's wrong with you? You're not paying attention at all," Kurt said more upset that he wasn't getting attention that the fact that his friend was so distracted. Rachel wasn't paying attention. Her mind was all over the place. She kept glancing over at the Cheerios practice and noticed that Quinn and Santana weren't over there.

"I apologize, I just have things on my mind. Are you trying out for the musical?" she asked.

"Of course," he said. "And so are you!"

"I'm really busy, Kurt," she muttered. "My training has been lacking and I don't have a strong skill set."

"You're kidding right? It will be great! You have plenty of time until auditions anyway," Kurt said encouragingly.

"Hey guys."

Rachel jumped at the new figure who stood below them on the bleachers.

"Hi Mr. Schuster," she said politely relaxing a bit. "This is Kurt."

"Hello, Kurt," he said just as courteously.

"Hello," Kurt said as he watched Mr. Schuester carefully. "You're the music Spanish teacher right?"

The young man laughed. "I don't teach Spanish music but I do the choir program here at the high school as an extra curricular and teach Spanish during regular hours."

Kurt's face lit up. "That's perfect! Do you teach private lessons?"

Will Schuester gave a smile but shook his head. "No, I don't." He gave the kids a wink. "But maybe we can work something out."

…..

Sue leaned forward in her chair. For the last few minutes she has been silently staring at the three in front of her.

"Please, Sue," Shelby said with annoyance. "I know you enjoy keeping us in suspense, but we have a day to get to."

"These girls were hurling each other to the ground and into the lockers like they were fighting for their lives at the coliseum," Sue said casually. Shelby's face hardened and glared at both of the girls. "While I admire your fight club level of aggression, I prefer for it to be on the other team or ugly people."

Shelby cleared her throat angrily and glared at Sue.

Sue ignored her. "I'm announcing at the end of today's practice, which the two of you aren't at because you decided to throw this hissy, that starting next week three of our five practices will be in the morning instead of after school." Her tone was casual as if she was announcing the obvious.

"What? Morning practice?" Santana barked. Her eyes darted around the room. "Our practices are over two hours long…. That means we'll need to be here at—''

"5:30am. Nice adding, Santarini." Shelby opened her mouth to scold but Sue finally stared at everyone. "You're my leaders of this team. Get it together. I win. And I can't win with you like this." Sue looked at Quinn. "We've talked already and I want you as my head cheerleader. Start acting like it."

Quinn held her breath hoping that Sue wouldn't air all of Quinn's dirty laundry in front of the Corcorans. Sue turned to Santana and Quinn released a sigh of relief.

"You, Corcoran, have exercised such a leadership that you are second in command. We've focused your energy and skill," Sue said. Quinn couldn't help but notice the same panicked look on the brunette's face that she had just felt earlier. She rolled her eyes. As if Santana Corcoran had anything to worry about. "Don't go rogue on me yet."

"The three days that you have morning practices, you will be spending the afternoons with me. You will have your appointments without exception," Shelby said crisply. "This bullshit fighting stops now."

"You are the leaders of this team so unless you want to be the leaders of some snot snorting loser team, get in line!"

Shelby looked at the girls. "On those days that you do not have practice after school you will be with me going to your appointments."

She made eye contact with each of the girls and watched their faces as the realizations of what appointments dawned on them. "If you do not attend any of the doctor's appointments, therapy, or case manager appointments, you will then miss a Cheerio practice."

Santana caught a glance at Sue's tightened face, but the cheerleading coach gave a nod.

"Get things in line, ladies," Sue said with a nod.

Quinn wanted to run from all of this. She didn't feel well. She wasn't going to admit it, but Santana had hurt her when they fought. She couldn't be here.

"Anything else?" Quinn heard Shelby ask.

Santana didn't hear the rest of the conversation. She was fuming. Her day felt so out of control. Her mother was leading them out to the football field.

"Mom, where are we going?" Santana asked with her arms folded. She snuck a glance at Quinn. "We both don't need to be reminded that we're not at practice."

"Too bad," Shelby said.

Santana watched her mother scan the bleachers. She started walking with a brisk pace. She watched as Quinn also followed. She was trying to distance herself from them, but she hadn't run. Maybe, she had won, Santana thought to herself. Her satisfied smile turned into a frown.

"Why is he talking to her?" she said as they moved closer to Rachel, Kurt, and Mr. Schuester.

"Santana," Shelby whispered. "Please behave." She turned to Will. "Good afternoon, Will."

"Shelby," he said with a smile.

"You've found Rachel, my youngest, I see," Shelby said giving her a wink.

"Of course," Will beamed. "She's a great little girl."

Santana's frown deepened. "Rach, you're going to come with us, okay?"

"No, Santana, actually she's staying here and Puck will take her home," Shelby said quietly. "Rachel, you wait here for Noah please. Mr. Hummel, do you need a ride home?"

He shook his head. "No, ma'am. My brother's taking me home."

"Alright," Shelby nodded. "Bye, Rach. See you at home."

During the whole exchange, Quinn never felt more out of place. They doted on Rachel. She wasn't a child. Quinn felt a surge in her chest. No one had ever doted on her like that. She gave a sigh. No one ever would. She didn't want to be around with the family as they pretended to care about her. They knew nothing about her. She was being pulled from practice for meetings with people who wanted to "help" her. She had been in a group home for a week with people who wanted to "help" her. Her case manager wanted to " help" her. Her therapist that she was forced to see wanted to "help" her. And now her rival's mother who happened to be new foster mother, thanks to a serendipitous joke, wanted to "help" her. Screw their help and screw this.

She looked up and saw that they were now headed into the parking lot. She needed to get out of here, she couldn't be here anymore. It was then that the fire in her soul and the anger in her head gave power to her legs and she ran.

Santana looked up just as they approached her mother's Range Rover.

"Shotgun," Santana called out.

Quinn didn't seem to hear her because suddenly all Santana saw was a blur of red and white race past her.

"Mom—''

"Santana, car now!"

Santana watched in slight amusement but mostly shock as her mother sprinted after Quinn. Her mother was many things. However, the way her mother was so agile, graceful and classy as she sprinted across the parking lot after an increasingly distressed blond, Santana was reminded of the tenacious fire that her mother had. It was a fire that allowed her always to win.

Shelby did a lot of things growing up. She wasn't just a singer. Her children didn't have athletic ability from just their father. She sprinted after Quinn. The younger girl had almost made it to the road before she looked over her shoulder. Shelby was chasing after her. Why was she even trying? At that moment she wasn't sure if she slowed down or if she tripped, but either way she fell. Slamming against the sidewalk with a thud she felt the lingering aches of her fight with Santana along with old injuries that she forgot that she needed to nurse scream pain throughout her body.

She felt far away when Shelby helped her up. She had given up. She couldn't run from her. She had to find another way to bring the Corcorans down.

"Are you alright?" Quinn didn't respond. She winced slightly as Shelby put her arm around her back. "It's a good thing we're going to the doctors today, huh?"

Quinn scowled but folded her arms and let herself be led to the car. Shelby helped her into the back seat and Santana turned to her. Santana gave her an unreadable smirk.

"Not a word, Santana," Shelby warned as she climbed into the driver's seat. "Face forward."

…

Rachel watched her brother tackle someone else on the field. Kurt was still talking.

"I don't understand why we can't just stay home by ourselves," he complained with a sigh. "Well, I kinda can, but I would rather hang out at your house rather than the garage." He turned and looked at his friend with confusion. "Why is it that you always need to be babysat? We're eleven for Christ's sake. We should do that babysitting."

Rachel rested her hands on the cold metal bleachers and leaned forward. She teetered her weight on her hands looking around. She didn't want to answer her curious friend's question. She knew the answer, but she didn't want to provide it for others. She looked at her suspicious friend. She needed to prove that she wasn't a child.

"Come on," she said standing up. "Let's go roam around."

"I thought you had to stay here," Kurt said with a cheeky tone.

"Are you coming or not?" she asked as she walked down the bleachers.

…..

Santana watched with a frown as they pulled up the doctor's office.

"What are we doing here?" she asked incredulously.

"Quinn has an appointment and you're grounded. That's all you need to know," Shelby said she opened the driver's seat. The brunette saw that Quinn tried to open the door in the backseat and couldn't.

"My mom put on the childproof locks, Forrest," Santana scoffed as she climbed out.

Quinn scowled at her as Shelby opened the doors for Quinn.

"That's ridiculous," she mumbled.

"Do you blame me?" Shelby asked as the three of them walked in.

They checked Quinn in and sat quietly in the lounge.

Santana looked around. She studied the blonde. She started realizing that perhaps it was more than the plague that cause Quinn to be out for a week but she wasn't going to admit that. Quinn Fabray wasn't going to get her sympathy or friendship. It just wasn't going to happen.

"You're not going to all come in with me are you?" Quinn said looking at Shelby and then eyeing Santana.

"Quinn," the nurse called.

The blonde gave a heavy sigh when both Shelby and Santana followed her. She gave an even heavier sigh when the first stop was to get her weight. Being on the Cheerios it wasn't a secret that all of them were weight obsessed. Although Sue made the girls do weigh ins, she and Santana never had to do it in front of everyone. Quinn looked over her shoulder at Santana before she stepped onto the scale and was surprised and thankful that Shelby had made Santana stand around the corner out of sight where Shelby was pointing a warning finger and then gave Quinn a reassuring nod. The three of them went into an examining room.

Quinn sighed, one without a window that opened. The nurse took her vitals and she sat idly on the exam table. She avoided Santana's eyes. She didn't want to be there. She didn't want Santana to know.

The doctor came in.

"Hello, Quinn," she said with a warm smile. "Hi Shelby." The doctor extended her hand.

"Nice to see you, Dr. Wiseman." she said. "This is my eldest daughter, Santana."

"That's wonderful," the doctor responded nodding at Santana. "I see you are both on the Cheerios. That must be nice."

Both girls echoed the same uncomfortable and disgruntled growl.

"Yes, well, Doctor Wiseman," Shelby began looking at the two girls. "Quinn and Santana got into a little fight today. Actually girls, what exactly happened during the fight?"

Santana looked at her mother with her mouth open waiting for an explanation to fill it. Quinn arched her eyebrow.

"Well your daughter slapped me, and slammed me against the lockers," Quinn hissed.

"You did the same thing! Plus you told my family we could go fuck ourselves!"

"Do we want to add another week onto the grounding?" Shelby asked in a calm voice that somehow could be heard over the girls' screaming.

The girls both mumbled back into silence.

"Well, let's get this started so you all can get out of here," Dr. Wiseman said. She held out a gown to Quinn. "I need you to undress completely and then I'll be back in a few minutes to look you over."

Santana looked at her mother.

"We will wait outside the room, Quinn," Shelby said leading Santana out the door and following the doctor.

Quinn gave Shelby a thankful nod and Santana fell onto the bench outside the room.

"Why are we here, Mom?" Santana asked once the door was closed.

"Santana, she needs a follow up appointment. It's not my story to tell," Shelby said. "Now, let's talk about what happened today."

"I'd rather not," Santana muttered as she slouched in her seat.

"Santana, this needs to stop," Shelby said. "I've made an appointment with Dr. Goodwin for next week."

"Why?" Santana sighed.

"I don't know, Santana," her mother said sarcastically. "Why do you think? You don't think I know what having Quinn here might bring up? And apparently I'm right because it already has. Hasn't it?" Santana looked away. "Also, you slept in Rach's room again last night. Why?"

Santana didn't answer.

"Was it because you couldn't calm down?" Shelby asked with a sigh. "Sweetheart, you can't keep using Rachel to help you calm down."

"Why?" Santana asked in frustration. "All she needs to do is be there. That's it. And –''

"Santana, you need to try to discuss what bothers you not cling to her in silence hoping that it'll calm you," Shelby said. "I'm glad she does but—''

"Are you scared that I'll hurt her?" Santana asked in shock.

"No," Shelby said without hesitation. "I'm just worried that you don't know how to tame your feelings and Rachel has questions for you and doesn't understand what's wrong. And you won't talk to her. You won't talk to anyone. I can see it building, San. And I don't like it."

Doctor Wiseman returned before Santana could respond. "I'll let you know if she needs you," she said quietly and opened the door.

A muffled grunt was met on the other side. Santana leaned forward and saw Quinn rub her temple. Santana shot a scowl at the girl before the door closed. That bitch was listening to them. She shook her head.

"I'm not living with her, Mom," Santana said as she folded her arms.

"Santana, you need to sort this out because there's no way I'm kicking her out."

Santana continued to sit there in silence. "It's a bad idea, Mom."

"Shelby," Dr. Wiseman said as she poked her head out. "Could you come in here for a second?"

"Stay here," Shelby said with a warning look.

The curtain was pulled around the examining table. Shelby pulled it back and saw that Quinn was sitting with her legs hanging over the side of the table and the back of her gown was open and her back was exposed to the doctor.

"Can you come around here please?" Dr. Wiseman asked.

Shelby gave Quinn's hand a squeeze and followed her around.

Santana watched as the door closed. She looked down the hallway it was almost abandoned. There were few nurses at the nursing station but that was about it. She stood up silently and leaned her ear against the door.

"See this right here," she heard the doctor say. "When the belt sliced her back it cut deep. The others have healed rather nicely. However, this one right here, it's infected. Quinn, did you have anyone help you tend to these at the group home?"

Santana heard Quinn muffle a response. "No," said the blond who didn't sound like her normal self.

"Well, you'll need someone to clean these out. This infected one in particular," Dr. Wiseman said. "Let's check one last thing and then we'll be finished." Santana heard shifting in the room. "Would you like Shelby to leave?"

Santana pressed her ear to the door. She didn't hear a response.

"Alright," Dr. Wiseman said gently. "Scoot toward the end of the table okay? And put your heels in there." The scraping of the paper on the table could be heard but nothing else. Santana scowled. Were they doing an exam? "Alright it's going to be a little cold… Hold on….. okay…..You're doing great, Quinn."

Santana froze when she heard Quinn muffle a small sob.

"Things are healing better, sweetheart," Dr. Wiseman said quietly. "Alright, I'm going to take this out. Deep breath."

Santana stared at the door. She backed away from it slightly. It couldn't have happened to her. Not Quinn. Santana shook her head. A scowl formed. It couldn't have happened to her too.

* * *

><p><strong>Again sorry for the long chapter. It was actually supposed to be longer… but then even that felt too long. Sorry, it took me so long to post. Work got in the way. Please send me a PM with any questions. <strong>

**Also, please let me know what you thoughts of this chapter. I've been working on it for so long I feel very blah about it.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**A/N thank you again for those of you have contributes to this story. You know who you are. **

**This chapter is a little angsty. Get Ready. Some questions are answers and other questions are presented. **

Puck pulled off his helmet and wiped off his brow with his arm. He squinted his eyes and scanned the bleachers. Where the hell was she? He gave an internal huff. He packed his things up and started for the school.

"Hey, man."

Finn Hudson came up next to him. "Hey, dude," Puck replied. "What's up?"

"Have you seen Kurt?" Finn asked as they entered the locker room. Finn looked around. "Maybe he walked home."

"Dude, you need to watch him better," Puck said with shake of his head.

"Yeah, they're probably just wandering," Finn said. "It's fine."

"Whatever," Puck said. "That might be okay for Kurt, but it's not okay for Rachel."

"Whatever, man," Finn replied. "Listen, they're probably together, do you mind sending Kurt to the car. I want to shower quick."

Finn veered off from Puck. The captain continued down the hallway. It didn't take a scientist to figure out where she was. However, it still took Puck about fifteen minutes to find her. And he didn't exactly find her, she found him.

...

Rachel led Kurt down the hallway.

"Where are we going?" he asked, following her curiously. He had known her long enough to know that she had a mind of her own, but her adventurous side rarely made an appearance.

"Mr. Schuester said he could give us lessons," Rachel said in a matter of fact way. "We're going to talk to him about it."

Knocking on the choir room door, she opened it slightly without waiting for an answer.

"Hello?" she asked.

She spotted Mr. Schuester sitting at his desk in the back room.

"Well, hello, Miss Corcoran," Will said with a smile as she entered. Kurt entered behind her and his smile faded slightly. "Hello, Kurt."

"We were wondering if you could help us," Rachel said carefully.

"Anything," he said with a smile.

"We want voice lessons," Kurt interjected.

Will gave a nod. "Of course. Rachel you're here during you brother and sister's practices, why don't you come then?"

Rachel gave a nod and a thankful smile.

"Can Kurt come too?" she asked.

"My brother, Finn has practice at the same time," Kurt informed.

Will gave a nod. "I'm glad that you've considered this, Rachel."

Rachel smiled but then it fell. "I … I don't know how to pay for these lessons," she said dejectedly.

Kurt looked at her with an encouraging nod. "We will pay though! We can figure something out."

The young boy watched as the teacher reached out and rubbed Rachel's back.

"Don't worry," he said with a smile. "I won't charge you. We'll figure something out."

Mr. Schuester looked over at Kurt and smiled. He ruffled the boy's hair. "Do you want to start tomorrow?"

Rachel smiled. "We would be delighted."

"Fabulous," Kurt clapped and then he reacted up to fix his hair. "We have a school musical coming up that we would love your help with. When we get the parts we'll need all the practice we can get."

Will gave the boy a smirk. "That sounds great. Why don't you bring your audition pieces tomorrow?"

Rachel looked up at the clock. "That sounds great. We really must be going, though." She motioned toward the clock. "Practice is ending any minute."

"Sure," he said with a smile. He led the two young kids to the door and opened it. "I look forward to working with you both."

Rachel nodded.

"Thank you, Mr. Schuester!" Kurt exclaimed.

Rachel started out the door and caught sight of her brother walking through the hallway. She gave a heavy sigh.

"Come on, Kurt," she muttered.

"Rachel?" She looked up at her new voice teacher. He rested a hand on her shoulder and another on Kurt's. "I'm glad that we're all doing this together." He gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Say hello to your mother for me."

"Rachel," Noah called out to her.

"See you later," she said to the older man and walked toward her brother.

...

Quinn pulled on her Cheerios uniform. She wiped her tears with the palm of her hands. She didn't want to have any traces of her tears on her face when she saw Santana. She knew that Shelby knew what had happened. She felt as if everyone with her case knew. She rolled her eyes. They had to. Quinn chewed the inside of her lip. It was worst to have everyone know and tip toe around the subject. It was worst because it felt like a big elephant in the room. A big fat elephant.

"Well, it says here that she has a mild fever," Dr. Wiseman said gently as she looked through the chart. "You need to take it easy Quinn. Please try not to get into anymore fights." She gave the girl a weak smile. Another sympathy smile, Quinn groaned. "I'm giving you two kinds of pain medications, daytime and night time. The one you take in the evening will help you sleep through the night. You need to let someone help clean your back in the evening. We don't want this infection to get any worse. I am also giving you antibiotics to ward off a minor infection that was clear in your exam." Dr. Wiseman sighed. "You need to take care of yourself, Quinn."

Shelby gave Quinn a small smile. Quinn shook her head again. It was a sympathy smile.

"We will make sure of it," Shelby said with a smile.

"I'll call over those prescriptions so they're ready to pick up within the hour," she said with a smile. "Take care. Let's schedule another follow up for next week."

Quinn nodded and watched as Shelby opened the door. Santana was standing on the other side leaning against the opposite wall. The brunette looked away and followed quietly.

Shelby watched her daughter carefully as they walked out to the car. She didn't need her maternal instincts to tell her that her daughter had been listening at the door.

…..

Puck looked down at Rachel. He knew that she knew that he was mad.

"Go and find your brother, Kurt," Puck said not breaking his gaze from Rachel.

"Um…." Kurt said quietly.

"Kurt, please just go," Rachel said quietly.

The boy leaned close to his best friend. "Are you going to be alright?" Kurt asked.

She gave a weak smile. "He's my brother, of course I will."

He scoffed. "Finn's my brother and he doesn't hesitate to beat the shit out me."

Rachel tore away from her brother's watchful eyes and looked at her friend. "Well, that's terrible. Noah wouldn't hurt me." She looked at her older brother again.

"Alright, whatever," Kurt said walking down the hallway. "See you tomorrow."

Rachel turned and looked at her brother. She shrugged one of her shoulders up and pushed her lips her opposite cheek. "So, on a scale of 1 to 10, how mad are you?"

Puck sighed. "Pretty mad, Rach," he said without raising his voice.

"San would have yelled. Could you just yell?" she begged. She hated when her brother was angry.

"Rachel, we have these rules for a reason. We need to see you at all times," Puck said as he leaned against the wall.

Rachel leaned against the wall next to him. Her shoulder brushed against his elbow. She looked at her feet.

"You and Santana never had the same rules," Rachel said folding her arms. "I'm not a baby, Noah. And you have to stop treating me like one."

"Me and San, Rach?" He sighed. "It's not the same and you know it."

Puck watched as she bowed her head and said so quietly he could barely hear her. "Bad things just didn't happen to _me_," she whispered. "Why does everyone always act like it was just me?"

Puck set down his bag and knelt in front of her. "Because in a lot of ways it was just you." He searched her eyes. "And Rachel, I don't like it when San gets into trouble. Never." He sighed. "Santana has always fought back. Always." He bit his lip as he looked for his words. "And you—''

Rachel lowered her head. "I never did." She bit her lip. "So you made these stupid rules because you don't think I can take care of myself?"

She had angry tears welling up in her soft brown eyes.

Puck gave a heavy sigh. His honesty was strangely gentle and hard to accept. "Yeah, bug. We did." He watched as the tears fell down Rachel's cheeks. "But you know what? Maybe I can talk to Mom. Okay? Because you're right, you're old now."

She gave a tearful smile and wiped her face with her hands. "I'm older, Noah. Not _old._"

"Whatever," he said standing up. "You ready to go home?"

She nodded. She walked next to him quietly. He looked down at her. He hated seeing her sad. They had spent so long trying to pull her out of that place in her head. Fear had always been her initial instinct. Eight years, therapy and a safe home still couldn't undo that. And he knew way in the back of his mind that it never would. However, he was never going to stop trying.

"You want a piggy back ride to the car?"

She looked up and him and gave a smile. "No, thank you. I'm wearing a skirt. That's not very lady-like."

He chuckled. "Alright."

"But you could let me sit shot-gun," she said with a smile.

"When you're twelve. Sorry it's the law," he gave her a little nudge as they went out to the parking lot. "Plus Mom would kill me."

"She wants to anyway. At least this way it would have been for a good cause."

"Nice try, bug," he said with a grin.

…

The pharmacy had been a whole gift basket worth of awkward. Santana wasn't sure how to be mad. She wanted to remain mad, but she couldn't get what she had heard out of her head.

"Will that be all?" she heard the pharmacist ask.

Santana noticed her mother watching her. "Yes that's it," Shelby said. "Quinn, come over here please where I can see you."

Santana heard a heavy huff from the aisle to her right. She looked at the blond. It was the first time she didn't scowl at her. It was the first time she tried to really see her. She had known her for almost two years. She didn't know anything about her.

"What are you staring at, Whopper?" Quinn sneered.

"Just your ugly mug, Barbie," Santana hissed.

The blond looked over her shoulder and saw that Shelby was still at the counter. She strode over to Santana.

"Don't for one second think that you know _anything_ about what you heard today," she barked. Santana's eyes became bigger but she didn't back down.

"Calm yourself, Gump," she said with a grin. "I do know a lot more than you think." She wasn't for one second going to allow Quinn Fabray to get the upper hand. She felt her animosity toward the girl rise to the surface and drown her empathy. "You're nothing but a weak little girl pretending to be a cobra." Santana shook her head. "So calm yourself, because you have no power anymore." She gave the blond a demeaning up-down look. "And from what I overheard, you can't even fight back."

Quinn was shaking in fury.

"Girls, let's go," Shelby interjected. "Quinn, I mean it."

Santana followed the girl to the car. She kept her smile on her face until she sat in the front seat. It was dark outside, she saw Quinn hop into the backseat and slam the door shut. As they pulled out of the parking lot and heading toward home, Santana's scowl faded. The anger that embraced her in a tight, unforgiving hold released itself. She was bringing Quinn down the only way she knew how. They only way she was taught.

_ Santana leaned up against the foyer wall of their Manhattan Brown Stone. It had been the worst day. Her father had died on Tuesday and today they put him in the ground. She was eight years old. Weren't funerals for old people? And worst of all her mother hadn't been there. Hiram, her stepfather, was taking care of them. Where was Mom? _

_ Suddenly the man in question went storming past her and out the door. _

_ "What are you doing?" she asked as Hiram returned in the house. _

_ "Where's your brother and sister?" he sneered. _

_ "I don't know," Santana said. "Where's my mom?"_

_ "Shut up, Santana," he hissed as he grabbed one last suitcase and threw it into the beat up Chevy. "Go get your brother and sister."_

_She looked out the window. Where did he get that ugly car? They could just call a driver. Couldn't they? _

_He stomped back up the steps. _

"_What did I just say?" he yelled slamming the door behind him. _

"_What are we doing!" she challenged. "Where is my mom?" _

_He bent down so he was at her level. He gripped the shoulder of her black dress in his palm. "Shut up, Santana! You know where your great mother is? She left you. She went off to London because she doesn't love you. –''_

"_You liar!" Santana screamed trying to loosen his grip. _

_He lifted his free arm and his backhand slammed against her cheek. She whipped her head around and glared at him as she held her cheek. _

"_You are a little piece of shit, Santana. No want wants you. No one ever will love you! You're a failure! People will always be better than you! People you thought loved you will abandon you! They will betray you! And then they will die!" Hiram was shaking in fury and ultimately was shaking Santana. Santana had never seen him like this. _

"_Let go of my sister," Puck said pushing at Hiram's side forcing the man to loosen his grip. _

"_You little shit!" Hiram screamed holding his side. He pushed the boy down and kicked him in the stomach. "I get left with you little scums! And she gets everything! God damn it." _

_Santana knelt down by her brother. Silently asking him if he was alright. _

"_You two, listen and you listen good. Say goodbye to this house. We're leaving," Hiram barked as he started out of the room. _

"_I would rather die than go with you," Santana hissed._

_He stopped at the doorway. "That can be arranged." _

_Santana turned to her older brother and helped him to his feet. "You okay?" He gave a nod as he held his stomach. "Where do you think he's going?" she asked. _

_She received her answer when a scream echoed through the old brown stone._

"_Rachel," she whispered. _

Santana was jolted back into reality when her mother touched her leg. She looked around. They were in the garage. She unbuckled and made her way quietly in the house.

…

The five of them sat around the table in silence. The clanging of the forks and knives seemed to amplify in the silence.

Rachel watched everyone carefully. She was waiting for someone to say something anything. She took another bite of her food but didn't tear her eyes away in case something happened. Her mother wiped her face off with her napkin and set it carefully on the table. Rachel straightened. Something was going to be said.

"Alright, we have some things to review as a family," Shelby began.

Quinn huffed and shook her head.

Shelby saw. Santana scowled at the disrespect and Puck looked between the girls in annoyance.

"Rules. You and you," she said pointing at Santana and Quinn. "Grounded until further noticed."

Both girls rolled their eyes but weren't surprised by the sentence. Rachel watched them with a young but fairly neutral face. Her mouth open, slightly ajar. She kicked her legs slightly as her mother continued to look around the table. Rachel noticed her sister's glare was different. There was no doubt that Santana was still angry, but there was something different about her glare. Quinn seemed different also. She looked genuinely uncomfortable. Her face reflected a discomfort that was greater than that caused by the air of the room. She looked physically uncomfortable. Did her sister hit her that hard?

"You," she pointed at her son. "Grounded for a week for your role as accomplice to Santana in her no-phone heist. No phone. School, practice, home, unless otherwise instructed."

Rachel watched her brother shrug with an absent and complacent look. As much of a big shot as he pretended to be, he seemed to care very little about his social life.

"Bug," her mother called getting her attention. Shelby looked at her youngest. "You're grounded for the evening. You will be doing your homework with this motley crew." Rachel's face fell.

"What?" the youngest brunette asked in disbelief.

Santana even took a break from glaring at Quinn to look at her sister in surprise. Rachel was rarely in trouble.

"Were you where you were supposed to be today?" Shelby asked with a rhetorical air as took a bite of her salad and waited for a response. Rachel looked at Puck with a look of betrayal. He looked at her and gave a confused shrug. "Don't blame him, Rachel. Mr. Schuester called me to discuss your lessons."

Rachel deflated. Santana looked at her sister with narrowed eyes. "Excuse me?" she asked with an arch of her brow. "Your what?"

She looked at her older sister with a cringe. She knew Santana didn't like Mr. Schuester. She watched her sister's angry face. Santana rarely liked anyone, she realized.

"My lessons," she said with a sigh.

"Mom, you can't be serious?" Santana asked in annoyance.

"They're with Kurt, San. Don't get your panties in a wad," Rachel grumbled.

"Rachel," Shelby warned.

"Why is this such a big deal?" Quinn asked.

"No one asked you," Santana barked.

"Santana," Shelby warned.

Quinn felt so out of place. She watched as Santana and Rachel spat about Mr. Schuester, the Q-Tip Spanish teacher. She stared down at her plate. The placemats were in place. The glasses were on the right side. However, the things weren't how they should be placed. She shook her head slightly. Everything always had its place. While she basked in the ridiculousness of the "grounding" she was now experiencing, she knew that unquestionably she was the one out of place.

_Quinn leaned against the antique table trying her best to pay attention. She knew she was going to mess it up anyway. It was an inevitability. _

_ "Quinn, are you even listening to me?" her father's voice broke through the barrier of her thoughts. _

_ "Yes, sir," she said quietly standing up. _

_ "When I asked you to set the table, I meant for you to set the table," he barked. "What the hell does this look like? I gave you clear instructions. Are you an idiot or just plain stupid? It's not that hard, Quinn. Why do you make things so hard? Dinner parties are supposed to have something nice to present. You have managed to make our table look like a mess. People will think we're poor, God-less, hobos."_

_ Quinn looked at the table. She had placed the cloth-napkin wrapped silverware to the left of the plates instead of in the center of all of the plates. _

_ "Quinn." _

_ She looked back at her father. She took a deep breath. She knew what was coming. _

_ "Go upstairs and wait for me." His tone was icy. It always was. _

"Quinn? Quinn?"

She looked up and Rachel was staring at her.

"Are you finished with your meal?" Rachel asked.

She gave a slight nod. She looked up and saw Santana glaring at her as she loaded the dishwasher in the adjoining kitchen.

"San?" Rachel called. "San?"

Santana continued to exchange a harsh look with Quinn for a few more seconds before she broke her gaze and took the plates from her sister. Santana watched as her mother called Quinn out of the room.

Quinn rolled her eyes and scowled at Santana, but followed Shelby up the stairs.

Santana watched her leave the room. "Why do you hate her so much?" she heard her sister ask. She looked down at her briefly and then looked away to rinse the plates.

"I don't, Rach," she said quietly. "Go get your homework, okay?"

"San," Rachel started again.

"Rach, go," she scolded. Rachel jumped and cowered back. Santana squeezed her eyes shut in regret. "I'm sorry. Just go, okay?"

"Kay," she said quietly.

….

Shelby closed Quinn's bedroom door.

"I don't need you to help me," Quinn said going into the adjoining bathroom and closing the door.

"I highly doubt that," Shelby said gently handing Quinn a glass of water and a handful of pills. "This medicine will make you tired remember. Please try not to fight sleep tonight."

"Whatever," Quinn said taking the pills in her palm and looking at them for a moment.

"Do you have a reason not to take them?" Shelby asked as she sat next to her.

"Stop trying to be my friend," Quinn barked. She slowly took the first few pills.

"I'm not your friend, Quinn. And I'm not trying to be. I'm trying to be a parent. You are taking this medicine. Now, are you going to let me help you?" Shelby asked. "You're looking flushed. And I know you must feel like crap."

Quinn refused to look at her. She didn't want to hear this. She didn't remember the last time she had been coddled. Her mother was never nurturing. Caring parents were fictional. They were as realistic as the old black and white movies on television

Shelby tried again. "Do you want to tell me why you slept on the floor?"

Quinn didn't reply but she tensed.

"Alright," Shelby said. "Do you want to let me help you?"

"Not really," Quinn said quietly.

"Quinn, are we going to fight like this all night?" Shelby asked honestly.

"Probably," the blond grumbled. "You don't know anything about me."

Shelby chuckled. "You're going to pull that card again?" She sat on the bed next the girl. Quinn shifted away from her. "Well, Quinn, you might think that I don't know anything about you but I know that you know that you're safe here, you just don't want be vulnerable here. Can I tell you a secret?"

"Whatever," Quinn muttered.

"You're not the only one who doesn't want to be vulnerable," she said gently.

"Your daughter isn't as great as you think she is," she spat.

"She pretends to be a lot of things," Shelby said with a smirk. "Just like you."

A silence fell over them. Quinn shook her head and still avoided Shelby's eyes. Shelby watched as the girls hazel eyes examined her hands. Finally, she spoke. "As heartwarming as this moment is, can we move on?" she finally said quietly.

Quinn peeled off her top and silently handed Shelby the antibiotic cream.

"Thank you," Shelby whispered.

"Whatever," she replied.

"Quinn, the attitude needs to stop," Shelby said gently. "I get that you're angry.—''

"You really don't," Quinn said shaking her head. "That never should have happened. I'm here because…." She trailed off.

Shelby continued to rub the ointment on Quinn's infected wound. She nodded silently and waited a few beats before she spoke. "Quinn, what happened never should have happened—''

"I'm not talking about this," she snapped. "Are you finished?"

Shelby sighed. "Yes."

Quinn pulled on a loose t-shirt and a McKinley High sweatshirt. She reached for her yoga pants and noticed Shelby still standing there. "Are you just going to stand there?"

"Attitude, Quinn," Shelby corrected. "You're grounded remember. You have five minutes to change and then come downstairs with your homework."

"I don't have any," she snapped.

"Quinn, every time you use that attitude of yours you get an extra day of grounding," Shelby warned.

"This 'grounding' that you punish me with isn't a punishment," Quinn retorted.

Shelby tilted her head. "Trust me, little girl, it is. You haven't even been here a week."

"I'm not going to be here long," she said with a frustrated say. "How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Quinn, five minutes. Homework downstairs. I will be looking over every answer," Shelby said. Her voice was still calm.

"I don't have any," she said folding her arms.

"Santana has homework. You share classes. You have some." She started for the door. "Every time you lie another day is added on. I'm getting tired of this, Quinn."

The blond shook her head as Shelby left the room. Who the hell did that woman think she was? She couldn't even keep track of how many times she had asked herself that question.

There was a knock at the door. She pulled on her yoga pants.

"WHAT!" she screamed as she threw the door open.

She released a frustrated sigh when she saw a tiny brunette outside her door. "Hi," Rachel said quietly.

"What do you want?" Quinn huffed as she began rummaging through her backpack.

She gave an even louder sigh when she saw the smaller girl sit on her bed.

"Was it your dad?"

Quinn froze at the question. Why was this child asking her this?

"Shut up, Rachel," she growled. "Please leave."

"It was, wasn't it?"

"What would you know about it?" Quinn barked.

Her façade deteriorated when she noticed the silence that she met. She stopped searching in her bag and looked back at the girl on the bed. There was drooping in her posture as if she was concealing. Quinn looked back at her regretfully.

"I'm sorry," she whispered sitting next to the girl. "I….um….." She honestly didn't know what to say. As she looked at the tiny brunette, it sunk in. Where was their father? She received an answer without asking for it.

"My….. my dad died," Rachel whispered. She looked at her hands.

Quinn felt her sympathy falling away. The girl's dad was dead. She knew nothing. Quinn felt an inkling of betrayal at her own instincts to sympathize with her. The girl couldn't know. She just couldn't.

"So what would you know about it?" Quinn asked with only a slightly less harsh tone.

She finished gathering her books. She returned her gaze to the girl. She watched as Rachel carefully chose her words. Finally, silence was broken.

"Sometimes people are already monsters and you just don't want to see it…. or you can't." She sighed. "And other times people aren't and some how they become them without even their knowing….And then you get to a point where it's too late and you can't come back from it."

Quinn stared at her. She just stared at her. So much from the entire day started to erupt in her. The move in. The new jail she was in. Her body aches. Her fight with Santana. Her anger rose to top.

"Rachel, you have no idea what you're talking about," Quinn hissed. "Do you want me to talk to you about monsters?"

"Back the fuck off, Fabray," Santana yelled from the door. Neither girl had seen her pass by.

"No! No! NO!" Quinn screamed as she stepped toward Rachel. "Fuck all of you and your fucking shit!"

Santana stepped in and pulled Rachel to the door. "I said back off!"

"Look around you, Santana!" Quinn screamed. "Look at this house. Don't for one second think that you know me."

"Oh shove it, Quinn," Santana barked back. "Don't act like you weren't born with a silver spoon in your mouth. I've seen your house."

"Don't you dare!" the blond screamed throwing her books in frustration.

Santana moved out of the way.

"Oh right, poor innocent Quinn!" Santana mocked. She continued with her mocking voice to say, "Daddy did it, didn't he?"

Quinn froze. Her anger rose. It more than rose, it exploded in her.

"Shut the fuck up!" Quinn screamed after about a minute of silence. She grabbed a nearby lamp. This time she threw the lamp at Santana. Shattering the ceramics to the floor.

"You fucking bitch!" Santana screamed lunging at her. "Don't fucking break our stuff."

The brunette pushed her hard against the wall and grabbed Quinn's duffle and ran it to the window. She ripped open the window. She barely flinched at the alarm sounding, nor did either girl notice the tiny brunette in the corner sob harder at the sound.

"No!" Quinn screeched.

Santana tackled Quinn to the ground. Quinn attempted to push her off of her. She slapped Santana across the face with her open palm. Santana flinched but barely long enough for her to bring her arm back and slap the blond hard. The two of them rolled on the floor screaming. Santana gained the upper hand again and started to stand up. Quinn reached and kicked the back of Santana's knees causing the girl to fall face first. The girls' anger now took the reigns and embraced them. The flying arms, the open slaps and the screaming increased the noise. Both girls seemed unphased by the alarm still screaming around them and they also didn't notice the shaking and sobbing little girl on the floor who now managed to sink into the corner. Both girls managed to get back to their feet and started to launch at each other again. Quinn ignored her body's protests. She felt like she was losing the battle, but she wasn't going to let this girl win. She couldn't. She let her intense anger lead her as she brought another hand back to slap Santana down. However, her palm never made it in contact with the girl's face. She felt an arm wrap around her waist. She tried to scramble out of it.

Quinn's eye came into focus as she watched Puck slam the window shut and then run back out the door. She heard Shelby's far off voice trying to get Santana's attention as she was held in Shelby' s arms. Santana was breathing heavily. Her breaths were almost strained. She knocked everything off of the desk with a scream of fury. A blur ran past her and she watched Puck wrap his arms around Santana's mid section.

Santana was shaking out of control. She couldn't breathe. All she wanted to do was kill Quinn Fabray. If she couldn't kill her, she wanted to throw every punch and every object. She needed to relieve the pressure in her chest. She needed to just explode. She felt an arm wrap around her mid section from behind and another wrap around her shoulders and pull her body close to him.

"Calm down," she heard her brother's voice. "You're scaring her!"

"Let go of me," Santana hisses wanting to smack Quinn into next week.

Her brother shook her lightly and turned her body. "Look at her, Santana! Stop it! Now!"

Santana looked in the direction that her brother directed her gaze in. Rachel was shaking. She was sobbing in the corner, shaking. Her knees were pulled up to her chest. She was staring at Santana in fear.

Santana instantly relaxed as guilt washed over her. She tried to get out of her brother's grip.

"Rachel, I –''

"NO," Puck whispered into her ear. "You caused this, San. Back off. Go to your room and cool down."

Quinn couldn't struggle very much in Shelby's arms. Her body was giving in. The medicine was wearing her down.

"Quinn, breathe," she heard Shelby whisper into her ear. She watched as Puck led Santana out of the room. She noticed Rachel in the corner and before she could ask. Puck returned to the room and scooped her up and carried her out. Shelby watched her son leave and then turned to Quinn. "You need to go to bed. This was not okay."

"What happened?" Quinn asked motioning toward Rachel.

The blonde watched as Shelby looked sadly at Quinn and then back behind her toward the door. Finally, she spoke. "Things have happened to Rachel. To all of them, Quinn. And Rachel can't cope with the kind of behavior that you and Santana just displayed. It's not okay on so many levels. Do you understand?" Her voice was gently but still firm.

Quinn nodded.

"Are you hurt anywhere? Did you open up your back more?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so." She felt her exhausted body giving in.

"Go to sleep. I will check on you in the morning," Shelby said.

Quinn eased against the pillows and watch Shelby leave. Her body ached. She squeezed her eyes shut remembering her lamb was all the way across the room. The door to the bedroom reopened and she instinctively held her breath. Shelby gave her a weak smile and went over to her bag. She dug out the lamb and handed it to Quinn.

"I don't want you getting up," Shelby said quietly kissing Quinn on the forehead. She motioned toward the bathroom door. "I'll be in Santana's room. You can get there through your bathroom."

Quinn barely had time to wrap her mind around all that happened as sleep overtook her body.

…

Puck rocked Rachel softly in his lap in the big glider chair in Rachel's room next to her bed. She was still crying into he shoulder. He could feel her body shaking. He could feel her breaths hiccup in her chest and strain her breathing. He rubbed her back soothingly.

"You're okay, bug," he muttered. "I'm right here."

"I w-w-want, Mom," Rachel whispered. Her tears were soaking his shirt.

"Mom's with San," he told her. "You're stuck with me." He cracked a small smile.

"I wannnt, Sanny," Rachel whispered her breaths still caught in her chest.

"She's too angry right now, babe," he said softly. "You need to calm down and breathe."

"No-o-o-oah," Rachel sobbed. "P-p-please."

"Shhh, Rach," he tried to sooth as he rubbed her back.

She pushed herself up with her small palms pushing against his shoulders. She looked at him as tears cascaded down her face.

"P-p-pl-'' the small girl tried to get out but her breathes became more hitched in her throat. She could barely suck in enough air to breathe.

Puck frowned and gave a heavy sigh. He picked her up and placed her back in the chair. He opened Rachel's closet and spotted the nebulizer on the top shelf. He turned back to Rachel and started to set it up on the small side table between the wooden glider and her bed. As he finished up and plugged it in, he looked down at Rachel. Her entire torso heaved with strained breaths, but she shook her head. She hated using the nebulizer. She always had.

"N-n-n-noo," she managed to get out. He looked down at her and ran his hand over her head.

"Be right back," he whispered.

"No-o-o-oah," Rachel sobbed. "P-p-please."

He left the room and closed the door behind him. He saw Santana laying against their mother across the hallway. Santana sat up slightly at the sight of her brother. Her face was clearly distraught and the tracks of her tears were evident.

"Is she –'' Santana asked sitting up, but Puck cut her off.

"Mom, are her meds for the neb in the medicine closet?" he asked refusing to look at Santana.

Shelby nodded. "Twenty minutes, Noah. We can hear her from across the hallway. She needs to take the whole thing."

Puck nodded and left from sight. He opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the medicine and returned to the room. He glared at Santana once last time and went back into Rachel's room closing the door behind him.

She was right where he had left her. Her sobs and breaths still looked trapped in her chest as she heaved with greater intensity. He gave her a soft kiss on the forehead and loaded the nebulizer. He lifted her up for a second and settled back into the glider and pulled her into his lap. He handed her the mouthpiece of the nebulizer. She weakly pushed it away.

"Rachel," he said in a serious tone. "I'm not fighting you on this tonight. I'll hold it for you but you need to let me help you."

She gave in and settled against his chest. He rocked her silently in the glider

The arm that wasn't holding the nebulizer for her was wrapped gently around her middle. She rested her hands on his. She felt so small in his arms. He closed his eyes and felt her breathing against his chest. Her back heaved against her chest. He wanted to scream at Santana but he knew that wasn't what Rachel needed. He began humming in her ear. He began humming the only song that could calm her ever since she was little.

He remembered the first day that Rachel came home from the hospital. She had had to spend more time there than normal babies because she was born too early. He remembered hearing that song all through the house. After everything that had happened, no one had wanted to hear it. However, after Rachel got out of the hospital, it was one of the first things she had wanted to hear. What had become a haunting reminder of what no longer was, continued to be a comfort for one person.

_ He adjusted his guitar in his arms. It was way to big for him. However, his father helped to adjust the instrument's position so it fit his body with ease. He placed his fingers on the stings for the right cord and strummed. He looked up at his father. _

_ "Was that it?" he asked. _

_ Leroy gave a hearty laugh. "Sure was, buddy." _

_ "Do you think I can learn all of the song?" he asked. _

_ "Noah, you may be a seven year old genius son of mine, but learning how to play an instrument and a Beatles song in one day is a bit of a high expectation don't you think?" Leroy laughed._

_ Noah rolled his eyes. "I guess so." _

_ "We can sing the song though," Leroy said. "Your mom will be home any minute." He looked around the kitchen of their Manhattan apartment. "Sanny, where are you, pumpkin?" _

_ "I'm hiding, Daddy," Noah heard his sister yell from the cabinet. _

_ "Daddy, Sanna's in the cupboard again," Noah tattled. _

_ "Don't give it away!" Santana yelled from the cupboard. _

_ "San, come out and help us sing the song. Rachie needs to eat," Leroy said._

_ He watched with a smirk as Santana emerged from the cabinet like a sleuthing cat. Leroy picked up Rachel from the playpen and set her in her high chair. _

_ "How does it begin?" Leroy asked with a grin as he buckled Rachel in. _

_ "Close your eyes and I'll kiss you," Santana sang with a smile. _

_ Noah watched his father watch Santana with pride. He smiled and opened his eyes and began to sing. Rachel loved this song. He was going to sing it better than Santana. He was sure of it. _

Back in the present, Puck finally let the lyrics take over and he sang softly to her as he held the nebulizer for her.

"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,  
>Tomorrow I'll miss you<br>Remember I'll always be true.  
>And then while I'm away,<br>I'll write home ev'ry day,  
>And I'll send all my loving to you."<p>

He leaned his cheek closer to her forehead and felt her breaths soften. Things hadn't been perfect then. However, it had been great enough. At seven, he had an illusion that his parents were happy, but they weren't. The entire family had been together at that time. Rachel stirred in his arms and she tried to push the nebulizer away.

"No, Rach," he said. "Ten more minutes."

She sighed and he continued to sing softly as she gave in to the treatment.

I'll pretend That I'm missing  
>the lips I am missing<br>And hope that my dreams will come true.  
>And then while I'm away,<br>I'll write home ev'ry day,  
>And I'll send all my loving to you.<p>

All my loving I will send to you.  
>All my loving, darling I'll be true. <p>

Puck felt her body relax slightly in his arms. He shifted and brought her over to the bed. He eased back against her pillows and laid Rachel on top of his chest so that he could still hold the nebulizer's mouthpiece. He rocked her gently and continued to sing.

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,  
>Tomorrow I'll miss you:<br>Remember I'll always be true.  
>And then while I'm away,<br>I'll write home ev'ry day,  
>And I'll send all my loving to you<p>

All my loving I will send to you.  
>All my loving darling I'll be True.<br>All my loving All my loving ooh  
>All my loving I will send to you<p>

He finished the song and saw that the treatment was finished. He put the Nebulizer away.

"Rach?" he asked quietly. "Are you asleep? Rachel?" 

Noah silently tried to stand up. He felt a steal grip on his shirt.

"Stay," she whispered tiredly.

"Okay, bug," he muttered. "Okay."

…..

Santana continuously stared at the door with regret. She looked at her mother apologetically.

"Please let me go and see her," Santana pleaded.

"I cannot, San," Shelby said. "You're too upset."

"I didn't mean it, Mom. Please. I need to let her know she's okay," she begged.

"No," Shelby said again. She wrapped her arm around her eldest daughter. "Breathe, Santana. Your heart is beating too fast. You need to calm down."

Santana shook. She couldn't grasp that she had done that. There was so much that she couldn't say. She couldn't breathe. She hadn't felt like this in years. She couldn't function. She had broken her own sister. She had been responsible for that fear. That was even more paralyzing.

"There we go, San," Shelby whispered. "Just relax. Breathe." Shelby soothed.

"Mom, I didn't … I didn't mean it," Santana muttered her breaths were still ragged.

"Santana, we'll talk about this more in the morning, but nothing was okay tonight. I see that you're mad. I see that. I am going to call tomorrow morning to see if you can get in and see Dr. Jacobs tomorrow okay? This anger is coming from somewhere and –''

"It's her, Mom, it's living with her," Santana said through her teeth.

Shelby sighed. "I'm going to say this once, Santana. I know it's just not her. It's okay to be angry, but this is absolutely unacceptable. These fights are not okay. You understand what she's going through, but you're not allowing yourself to." Shelby took a deep breath and lifted her chin so that Santana was looking at her. "She wants someone to hit her, San, that's all she knows and you're not helping."

She watched her daughter as the words settled in.

"Mom, please let me see Rachel," Santana said after a few minutes.

"No, baby," Shelby said. "Not until the morning."

Shelby rubbed her daughter's back. She knew a thousand things must be going through her mind, but right now she just wanted to get her asleep.

The house was finally quiet. Shelby could hear the soft snores of Santana against her chest. With the bathroom door open she could hear Quinn's gentle breathing from her room. She squeezed her eyes shut. What was she thinking? When she was growing up, she never thought that this would be her life. When she said yes to marriage and to Leroy, she never thought that this would be her life would be. When she said yes to her career, when she decided to go back to school, when she had sleepless nights of writing her dissertation as she rocked one of her babies back to sleep, she didn't think her life would be like this. She wasn't sure at what point she became so oblivious, but she knew the point over the past eight years she had been working to fight her way back.

She looked down at her daughter. Her dark hair and her soft breathing. People had their pre-conceived notions about Santana. Most every parent was biased to their own children. However, very few people knew Santana like Shelby knew her. Shelby combed her hand through her daughter's hair unconsciously. Most people probably never would, she realized in the darkness of the room. However, that was a challenge that she faced. She couldn't help but feel responsible for that. She always would.

_Shelby paced around the CPS office. They were in a playroom. It was surrounded by toys and games. There were a few comfy couches. It was meant to mimic a home environment but it surely wasn't home. She sighed. She hadn't seen her children in months. She hadn't been allowed to. She looked up at the clock for the millionth time. _

_ "They will be here," Natalie told her. "The case aide is picking them up now." _

_ "Is Rachel coming?" Shelby asked._

_ Natalie shook her head. "No, she's still not able to get around. Next week maybe two weeks."_

_ Shelby wiped away a tear. Focus on the other two, she reminded herself. Just breathe. She heard the door to the visitation room open. She stood up. She felt her heart catch. _

_ "Mom!" Noah screamed and ran to her. Shelby knelt down and opened her arms. He hugged her tightly. At nine years old, he had a strong grip. Her strong boy, she thought to herself. She let him hug her. She held him tightly not wanting to let go. She looked up at the door and saw her Sanny. She felt her heart stop. Her eyes were so different. While the eight year old had always been tough as nails, there was something different in her eyes now. Shelby felt Noah loosen his grip. With his arm, still around his mother's shoulders, he looked at his sister. _

_ "Come on, San. It's Mom," Noah said. _

_ Santana scowled and looked at the case aid and then again at Natalie. Shelby watched as angry tears formed in Santana's eyes. She sprinted at her mother. Shelby never felt so terrible. _

_ "You left us," she screamed. She hit Shelby with her tiny fists. Shelby barely had time to register that her hits were actually hurting her. "You left us!"_

_ "Santana," Shelby said gently. "Santana, I'm so sorry." _

_ Shelby wrapped her arms around her daughter's body despite the hits from her. Santana continued to punch her chest for a few more seconds before she collapsed into her mother allowing her anger and sorrow to overtake her as she sobbed. _

_ "I didn't know, baby," Shelby hushed into Santana's ear. "I'm so sorry." _

**Please let me know your thoughts. Please review. Thank you all for following **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**A/N This chapter is somewhat very Rachel focused. I apologize for those of you would wanted greater depth. It was intended to be longer and we're going to find out more about Quinn the next chapter and maybe even Santana. Let me know if you do or don't like this chapter. I just thought I'd give you something because I'm not able to post again until Friday at the earliest. **

**Thank you. **

* * *

><p>Shelby opened her eyes and turned to look at the clock. She groaned. Three o'clock in the morning. Santana was asleep next to her. Her tear stained cheeks were evident in the evening light. She leaned down and kissed her lightly. Throwing the blankets back silently, she walked through the bathroom and into Quinn's room. The blonde had thankfully stayed in bed. However, Shelby was sure it was only because of the drugs. She sat on the edge of the bed and felt the sleeping girl's forehead. Shelby gave a sigh. The girl was still warm. She knew that the girl would protest about not going to school, but Shelby didn't care. Her body needed rest. Standing up, Shelby closed the curtains to block the sun and closed both the bathroom door and the bedroom door.<p>

Once in the hallway, she heard quiet sobs coming from Rachel's room. She gave a saddened sigh and walked quietly into the room. Her son was rocking Rachel Her tiny body was heaving in his arms as he tried to sooth her. Her arms were wrapped around him and her cheek rested against his shoulder.

"It was just a dream," Noah said quietly.

Rachel spotted Shelby enter the room. She pushed herself up from Noah and leaned against his arms that rested on her back now.

"Hey bug," she said gently.

She ran her hand over Rachel's hair. She gave Noah a kiss on the top of his shaved head.

"Mom, I don't mind," he said as Rachel crawled into Shelby's arms.

"Go to bed, Noah," she said. "You haven't gotten enough sleep."

"Mom, I'm fine," he said. "I really don't mind and I—''

"Noah," she said more sternly.

He sighed and stood up. He put his hands in his sweatpants pockets.

"She'll probably need another neb treatment," he said quietly at the door as he shifted his weight from one side to another. "This is the third time she's woken up tonight." He looked at her with a sad frown. "She slept in my arms for a bit but she kept waking up." He rubbed her back gently. "Bye, bug."

"T-t-t-thank you, Noah," Rachel muttered into Shelby's shoulder.

"Of course," he said kissing her softly on the temple.

"Thanks, sweetheart," Shelby called after him.

She watched quietly as her son left. She could feel Rachel heaving into her chest. She rubbed her back.

"What were you dreaming about, sweet girl?" she asked with her cheek pressed against Rachel's forehead.

Rachel continued to heave against Shelby's chest. Shelby knew that she knew the answer.

"H-h-h-he was after me," she whispered finally.

"You're okay, Rach," Shelby soothed. "I'm right here."

"Is Sanny o-o-okay?" Rachel managed to ask.

"She's okay," she assured her still heaving daughter. "Can you hum with me? Sing a little? It'll help you breathe."

Rachel shook her head. "I want to see, Santana."

She gave a heavy sigh. "Alright," she whispered. "Alright."

Rachel crawled from Shelby's arms and started for the door.

"Sweetheart," she called out. "Do you want to change out of your clothes first? You're still wearing what you wore to school yesterday." She gave her a soft smile.

Rachel looked at her seriously and shook her head. "I want to see, Santana."

"I know you do, bug," Shelby said. "But you need to get out of those clothes. Come here."

Shelby helped Rachel change from her tights and skirt. When she pulled Rachel's top from her tired body, she saw the scars that still lined her back. Eight years later they still made her blood boil. They were faded, but Shelby could always spot them. She helped guide Rachel's arms through her nightgown. She gave a small sigh. She had bought Rachel the nightgown almost two years ago. She still hadn't outgrown it. It actually still looked too big.

"See? That took no time at all," she whispered as she kissed her daughter on the forehead. Rachel's breathing still hitched in her chest.

"Can we see her now?" she asked.

"She's sleeping, bug," Shelby said as she followed her daughter across the hallway.

"I don't care," Rachel said as she opened Santana's door and crawled into bed next to Santana.

Shelby watched as Rachel relaxed. Her chest was still heaving from her sobs earlier. Her cheeks were still wet from tears. Nevertheless as Rachel lay as close as she could to Santana and wrapped her arm around her, her body seemed to release a pressure and anxiety. Shelby eased and laid next to Rachel on the other side. She rubbed Rachel's back as she tried to calm her breathing. She knew that Rachel would need the Nebulizer in the morning, but she also knew that she needed Santana now in the moment. They depended on each other in a way that Shelby was still learning about. Shelby grabbed her phone from her pocket. She herself was still wearing her relaxed clothing from the night before. She set her phone to vibrate in order to wake up in time. She eased next to her daughters and closed her eyes as she hoped tomorrow wouldn't be too chaotic.

…..

Rachel woke with a start. She was curled up next to Santana and had her arm wrapped around her. Even though she knew that she was safe, she was still scared. She couldn't escape those paralyzing feelings that were still caught in her chest. Her face fell still. Her heart was beating faster and faster by the second. She moved her head around in a rocking motion on the pillow. The tears started before she had a chance to register that they were coming.

"Rach?" Shelby asked sitting up when she heard her daughter whimper. "Honey, you're okay."

Santana opened her eyes at the sound of Rachel's sobs.

"Bug," she said softly. "What's wrong?"

Rachel continued to cry but allowed Santana to pull her into her arms. Santana rubbed her back. Her breaths became strained again.

"Rach," Shelby said rubbing Rachel's back. "You need to breathe."

The small girl opened her mouth to try to say something but only strained breath sounds came out.

"Come on, bug," Shelby said reaching out for Rachel. "Let's get you on the neb."

Rachel shook her head into Santana's shoulder.

"I can hold her, Mom," Santana said pleadingly.

"No, San," Shelby said gently. "You need to get ready for school."

"Mom," Santana said looking at her with desperation.

"Santana, we are not arguing about this," Shelby told her firmly. "Come on, Rach."

"I w-w-want...I don-n-n't," she wasn't able to finish her sentence as another hiccup fit off labored breaths interrupted her.

"Come on, bug," Shelby said as she pulled Rachel easily from Santana's arms into her own. She set her on the floor. "Let's go." Rachel leaned into the Shelby's side as they started to walk out of the room. "Get ready, San."

"I'm sorry, Rach," Santana called after her as Shelby led her from the room.

"It's o-o-o-o-kay," she heard her call back.

…

Santana stared at herself in the mirror. She was wrapped in a towel fresh out of the shower. She could still hear Shelby humming quietly to Rachel across the hallway. Her self-loathing had reached a new level. She had caused this breakdown. She did.

"Santana, you need to get dressed?" Shelby said fro the doorway.

Santana jumped. She hadn't realized the humming had stopped.

"I don't want to go to school," Santana said turning to her mother. She motioned towards Rachel's door across the hallway. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine," Shelby said. "You and I need to talk about last night. You have an appointment with Dr. Jacobs this afternoon."

"Mom, I don't want to see her," Santana said with a huff. "I'm fine. Last night…. Last night I was mad but I won't do that again. –''

"Santana," Shelby said closing the bedroom door most of the way.

"Mom, I swear," she said. "Now, can I please stay home? I'm sure you're letting Rachel stay home."

"Santana," Shelby began again. "You're going to see Dr. Jacobs. No arguing. What happened between you and Quinn will not happen again."

"I just said it wouldn't," Santana said waving her arm.

"Santana, cut the attitude. You're going to school. This is more than just Quinn. You know it. I knew that this wouldn't be easy for any of you and you told me that too. Remember? You need to meet me halfway."

"Mom, I'm fine. I just need to rest. Please let me stay home with her," Santana said. "She needs me."

"And she has you, Santana. You're not missing school. You will get to rest. You don't have Cheerios tonight. Noah will bring you straight home."

"What? Why?" she asked with a frown.

"Sue, sent out an email this morning. Apparently all practices are cancelled tonight for field maintenance and whatnot."

"Mom, Sue has a running practice she was going to lead," Santana started.

"Well, she isn't anymore," Shelby said with a sigh. "It doesn't matter anyway you're weren't going to go. You're going to school and coming home."

"Mom," Santana started again.

"San, knock it off," Puck said from the doorway. "Put on your uniform and let's go. We're going to be late."

Santana scowled. "Butt out, Puck."

He looked over his shoulder at Rachel's door. He stepped closer to Santana. "Get ready, San. Stop this," his voice was calm and eerily serious.

"Noah, back off," Shelby instructed. "Go downstairs."

Shelby watched her son leave. She turned back to Santana. "Get ready now. I'm not arguing with you. Do you want me to stand here to make sure you get ready? Or can I got back to your sister?"

Santana shook her head. "Fine." She frowned and went to grab her uniform from the closet.

Shelby reentered Rachel's room and saw Noah kneeling next to the glider that Shelby had left her youngest in.

"You have a good day okay, bug?" he said

Rachel nodded and started to taken out the nebulizer's mouthpiece.

"Leave it in," Noah said. "I have to go anyway."

He stood up. Rachel reached out and grabbed his hand.

She took it out again. He frowned and reached for her hand. "Rachel, I said leave it—''

"Don't be mad at her," she said quietly.

"Fine," he said. "Now put it back in."

She rolled her eyes. "Please?"

"Alright, bug," he said with a smile. He guided the mouthpiece of the nebulizer back into her mouth. "I'll see ya."

He turned and nodded at his mother and started toward the stairs.

"Noah," she called out to him. He stopped at the top step of the stairs and turned to look at her. "Don't yell at Santana."

"She needs someone to tell her she was out of line," he replied with a hushed huff looking over at Rachel's still open door.

"Yeah," Shelby said putting her hand on his shoulder. "That's my job, not yours." She sighed. "Also, Quinn is staying home today." She saw her son frown. "She's running a low fever and recovering from an infection. That's all you need to know."

…

Shelby watched as Santana and Noah climbed into Noah's car and pulled down the driveway. She hated that she had to remind them so often to be children and not adults.

"Mom, I'm all finished," Rachel murmured quietly from the chair.

Shelby turned to see Rachel looking at her tiredly from the chair. She gave a sigh. She turned of the nebulizer and rested the mouthpiece on top of it. Rachel crawled slowly back into her bed. Shelby leaned next to her silently running her hand through her hair.

"How are you doing, bug? Do you want talk about last night?" Shelby asked carefully.

"I'm okay," she responded quietly.

"Can you tell me what you dreamt about?" the mother asked softly.

Rachel paused for a few moments before she finally spoke. "I dreamt that I was back at the house," she whispered. "I was scared. He was screaming and throwing things. I was hiding and he found me."

Rachel looked up at her mother. "Why did he hate me so much? Why did he hate all of us so much?"

"I don't know, sweetheart," Shelby answered trying to reign in her own emotions. "He was a very angry man. He was hateful. You three didn't do anything wrong except exist for all I know." She lifted Rachel's chin to look at her. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Oh," she said quietly looking at her hands.

"Do you want to tell me what you and Quinn talked about last night?" Shelby asked.

"I just asked her about what her dad did and told her that Daddy is dead," Rachel said barely abuse a whisper.

She gave a deep sigh at her daughter's words. "Rachel, you need to let Quinn have some time. You need to give her a chance to come to you. When she's angry especially, you need to back off and let her be angry."

Rachel thought about this for a moment. Her brow furrowed. She shook her head. "No, Mom, she needs someone. She's all alone."

"But she needs that chance to be mad too, bug," she said quietly. "You shouldn't have been around what happened last night. I know your sister is very sorry and –''

"I know San is sorry. I wasn't mad at her," Rachel said quickly as she sat up to look at her mother. "Does she think I'm mad?"

"I don't think so. She's mostly upset with herself. She's seeing Dr. Jacobs this afternoon. You and Quinn will wait outside with me during the appointment. You can bring that book you're reading for your book report. When is that due?"

"Why is she upset with herself?" Rachel asked. "I'm the one that freaked out. She didn't mean it."

"You need to talk with her about it, but I think she thinks she could have stopped it," Shelby said carefully.

She watched as her youngest daughter frowned. "No, Mom, it's my thing. I'm the one who's broken. The school has to tell you when there's a fire drill or else I panic. I couldn't do the school fair because it was too loud. We had to leave remember? You have to pack me small lunches so that I don't have to stay in the cafeteria for a long time. I feel like a freak. I can't do things other kids like to do. I can't do them because I'm scared."

"Rachel Corcoran, you are not broken," Shelby said firmly. She lifted her chin. "Do you hear me? You are not a freak. You are not broken. You are remarkable, caring and we love you more than you will ever know."

"I just want to be normal, Mom. I'm getting older. This should go away, right?"

"I don't know, bug. I hope so, but if it doesn't that's okay," she said. "You've been doing fine in school, Rach. More than fine."

"Can I go to school today?" Rachel asked.

Shelby gave a smile. "No, bug. You're breathing is still strained. We'll have to do at least one more neb treatment." She poked Rachel's nose. "What do you say? We'll put on some comfy clothes and go watch a movie?"

Rachel gave a slight nod.

…

The ride to school was silent. Neither of them said a word. Santana wanted to pitch a fit about Quinn's absence, but she knew that she had caused the fight so she wasn't going to dig her own grave. His mustang pulled into the parking lot of McKinley and settled into a parking space.

"I'll see you after school," Santana said quietly as she reached for the door.

"Hold it, San," Puck said calmly. "We need to talk."

Santana gave a heavy sigh and rolled her eyes. She knew that this was coming. She knew it.

"Santana, what happened last night," he began quietly.

But she cut him off. "I know. Okay? I know," Santana said refusing to look at her brother.

"No, you don't, San. I was up with her all night. You triggered so much for her." He looked over at his sister with desperation in her eyes.

"You don't think I know that?" Santana murmured trying to hide her misting eyes. She looked at him. She shook her head and licked her top lip as if it would subside her guilt. "I mean seriously, Noah. You don't think that I know that I scared her?"

"What is your problem with Quinn?" he asked point blank. "You and I both talked about how we would be better in this situation if Mom ever took someone in. You remember what it was like staying at the shelter and then staying in foster care, and being with out Rach. You remember. We promised each other that it would be better."

"I know," she murmured. "I just….. It can't be her. Okay? I found out some stuff yesterday about what happened. And it's too much. If it were some stranger that I didn't know, I could do it but…" Santana turned away.

Noah shook his head. "So let me get this straight, because you know her, makes you want to hate her more? Because you didn't know what was happening to her at home?"

Santana wiped a stray tear. She looked fiercely at her brother. "Are we done? I'll try to be better, but I'm not doing this with you anymore. Like you're the one to talk."

His look hardened. "Hey, I have never hurt you or Rachel.—''

Santana tried not to flinch at his rarely raised voice. He never did that with her. "But you tortured Karofsky. I'm not the only one who is mad, Noah. You just do a better job at controlling it."

"Don't," he said shaking his head. "Please. You know it's different."

"You know that's crap," she muttered. She reached for the handle of the door.

"Santana," his voice was calm. He was looking seriously at the steering wheel. He turned and looked her in the eye. "She's going to be scared of you now. She won't think so, but she will be. You better fix this."

"I will," she assured.

"San, you know I love you and all that, but you need to let me in, okay?" he said. He gave a small smile. "We're the Mario Brothers, right?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Right." She looked at him. "See ya after school?"

He nodded. "Don't get caught getting into any trouble. Mom, will kill you."

"Of course," Santana smirked and headed into school.

…

Quinn opened her eyes. She looked at her surrounding. She shot up in bed remembering what had happened. The house was quiet. Fuck, she thought to herself. She was late. It had to be past seven. It had to be. Fuck, fuck. She ran into the bathroom and pulled up her hair and threw on her uniform. She ignored the ache in her body and the tiredness in her bones. She wouldn't be late. That would be unacceptable.

She threw open the door and ran down the stairs. She slowed when she saw Rachel and Shelby curled up on the couch watching a movie.

"I need to go to school," Quinn said with her hands on her hips.

She heard her newest mother figure sigh and stand up from the couch. "Can I speak with you in the kitchen?" Shelby asked her politely.

"No," Quinn said annoyed. "I need to go to school." She looked at the clock. "Crap, seriously? It's already 11:00am? I need to go!"

"Quinn, you're staying here and resting. You have a fever. You're fighting an infection. You're staying. Now, let's go back upstairs and tend to your wounds." Shelby tried her best to keep her voice down but she saw her youngest look at Quinn in her periphery.

"No, I'm fine!" the blonde barked. "Trust me I've been to school feeling much worse than this!"

"You can't argue with her, Quinn," said a gentle voice from the sofa. "Mom's mind is already made up. You might as well give in."

Shelby watched with calmed interest as Quinn's face deflated and even softened at the comment.

Quinn shook her head. She wasn't going to feel bad for the girl on the couch. She wasn't. Sure she looked exhausted and Quinn was sure it was due to her and Santana's scuffle the night before, but no. No sympathy. She bit her lip and shook her head.

"Gah! I'm walking to school. I'm not dealing with this," she yelled.

"If you walk out that door, Quinn," Shelby said, but was surprised that she was cut off.

"Quinn, it's over five miles to school," Rachel said again from the couch. "You know you wish to stay here, but you just don't want to give in."

Quinn huffed and stared at the girl. She shook her head but adamantly closed the door. "Fine, but I'm only giving in because we're meeting Jackie in four hours, right? I've already lost most of my school day anyway. And I don't need your help."

Quinn stalked up the stairs. Shelby looked at her daughter in surprise.

"Maybe I should have you talk to her more often," Shelby laughed quietly and followed the blonde up the stairs.

She closed the door behind her and watched the blonde grab clothes to change into. She glared at Shelby.

"I said I didn't need your help," Quinn said.

"Too bad," Shelby said. She motioned toward the duffle. "This afternoon Jackie should have a plan to get the rest of your things. I understand you've only had the duffle for a week." Quinn looked at her but then returned back to the duffle. She wasn't going to say thank you. Shelby continued, "We need to discus last night."

"I said I don't need your help," Quinn said as she grabbed a Q-tip from the bathroom. She pulled up her Cheerio's top and attempted to apply the medication on her back. She couldn't reach it. "Damn it," she bit at herself.

"Are you read to stop being stubborn?" Shelby asked from the bed. "Come and sit over here please." Quinn gave in and sat down next to her. "If you fight again with Santana like you did last night you're off the Cheerios."

"What?" Quinn asked pulling away.

"This isn't a discussion," Shelby said. She handed Quinn her sweatpants. "Why don't you change first." Quinn huffed and gave in. She went into bathroom and changed. "You will be resting for most of the day. I'm glad you remembered the appointment with Jackie today. I will be telling her about your and Santana's fight. You have the choice to leave if you would like to."

Quinn emerged from the restroom with a perplexed look on her face. "What? Seriously?" Shelby saw hope.

"There's no guarantee that you could be placed in the district though, but yes, Jackie will need to know about it."

Quinn scowled and opened her mouth to ask another question but the door crept open.

"Is that…." Rachel started. "Is that what we used to use?"

Quinn pulled away at the question. She scowled at Shelby. "Did you hit her?"

"No!" Rachel said suddenly. "My mom never hit us. Never."

The blonde narrowed her eyes and glared from Shelby to Rachel.

"Rachel, please leave," Shelby said firmly but gently.

"Sorry," they heard the youngest Corcoran whisper and the door close.

"What is she talking about?" Quinn said with a frown.

Shelby looked at her. "I told you last night, Quinn, a lot has happened to them, but it's not my story to tell, just like it's not your obligation to tell them yours. But you do have a lot of things in common. Now turn around so that we can finish this."

…

Brittany spotted her best friend immediately standing with her arms folded against the wall.

"Bad night?" the blond asked leaning next to her best friend.

"You have no idea," Santana said with a sigh. "I have no idea where to begin."

Brittany gave a small smile. "Maybe the beginning? You weren't at Cheerios where did you go?"

Santana tried to form words. She wanted to spit it out. Brittany was her best friend for goodness sakes. She should have been able to just burst all of the information she had learned about Quinn Fabray, but in that moment as her best friend waited for her patiently, it wasn't as easy.

"Quinn had a thing and then we…. We all went home and Quinn and I got into a fight….." Santana pretended not to notice Brittany's scowl as she moved her head and eyes around to avoid her eyes.

"Okay….." Brittany said as she looked at her best friend carefully. "What was the fight about?"

Santana face hardened again. "She got in Rachel's face."

Brittany gave a soft nod. She knew that any threat toward Rachel was a step over the line for Santana. She continued. "Okay," she said. She knew that the brunette was clamming up. She needed to get something from her before she was completely closed in. She needed to bring it back to just her and San. "Are you not talking to me for a particular reason? You always talk to me."

Not about everything, Santana thought immediately. She kneaded her lip in her mouth as she worked on her answer. "I know. I'm sorry," Santana began as she gathered her thoughts. "It's just having her in the house and bringing up so much for me and we fought last night. I went ….. I lost it last night and …" Santana took a deep breath and watched a group of students pass them. She shot them a glare before returning to her best friend. She took a deep breath. "I….um…. I scared Rachel. I scared her because I was so mad."

Brittany released a deep breath. There it was. It wasn't just that there was a nemesis down the hallway, it was that her presence was causing Santana to become a person that she didn't want to be.

"I can't stand her, Britt," Santana said trying to hold in her tears. "But I …. I'm just realizing why and I can't….. I can't let that be the reason why. My family is kinda made at me—''

"Rachel can't be mad at me. I'm sure your mom isn't either and Puck is probably just grouchy," Brittany leaned her head on the top of Santana's. "I think you're mad at yourself more than anyone. Maybe instead of working from hate to why. I would start to focus on where that's coming from as much as you don't want to."

Santana searched her eyes. She shook her head. "I guess so."

"I know so," Brittany whispered. She hooked pinkies with Santana. "And I'll be here every step of the way."

…

Quinn sat up in her room for awhile before she finally wandered downstairs. Shelby was working in the kitchen on what looked to be some lunch. She was surely very domestic and she worked and she was single. There were so many issues that Quinn shook her head and decided to concentrate on the tiny brunette.

"Do you want to watch this seminal Broadway classic with me?" a small voice asked from the couch.

Quinn folded her arms and examined the small girl. She finally sat down next to her. However, she made sure to leave about two feet of space between them.

"So what is this?" she asked with her arms still folded.

"Les Miserables," Rachel said casually. "My mother brought me the original cast DVD for Christmas last year."

"Looks fascinating," Quinn said with an air of annoyance. "Why are you home?" She wanted to know more about the Corcorans and it looked easiest to find out through Rachel.

She tore her eyes away from the screen. "I was sick," she said quietly. Rachel turned back to the screen.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked after a moment's pause.

"I'm fine," Rachel said still focusing her attention on the screen.

Quinn froze as the younger girl leaned back into the couch and rested her head against Quinn's arm.

"This is a classic," Rachel informed. "Do you watch musicals?"

"No," Quinn said with a frown wondering how the girl would react if she pushed her off.

Rachel coughed a few times. Quinn could hear the wheezing in her chest.

"Are you alright?" she asked still stiff with the girl leaning against her.

"I just have asthma," Rachel said quietly. "I'm fine."

Quinn chewed her lip and didn't realize she relaxed into the back of the couch. "Did something set it off?"

Rachel tore her attention away from the television and looked up at the girl.

"Yeah," she said looking away from the girl. "I got scared last night. Yelling and loud noise…. I get scared. It's really stupid…" She trailed off.

The older girl chewed her lip more aggressively. "I'm so sorry about that."

"I know," she muttered back in response as she let out another wheezing cough."

Her attempts to get information suddenly became less menacing. She was just curious. She opened her mouth to ask another question, but was interrupted.

"Quinn, you're still grounded. No TV. Please come in here and help me with lunch," Shelby called.

Quinn rolled her eyes. Rachel sat up.

"Bug, come in here please," Shelby called out.

Rachel turned off the television and walked into the kitchen. Shelby was standing at the stove heating what looked like soup.

"Come here, bug." Rachel walked over sheepishly to her mother. "Deep breath." Rachel took a big breath of air. Quinn noticed that she hid her eyes from Quinn. She was embarrassed.

The older girl paced away from her. "I can…. Um… get the …. Bowls…."

"Go get the neb upstairs please," Shelby said quietly.

Rachel's shoulders sagged and her face fell. "Mom," she said quietly looking at Quinn.

"Rach, I'm not arguing," Shelby warned.

Quinn watched as Rachel swayed from side to side. She finally saw the swaying girl tug on her mother's arm and whispered something in her ear. The mother gave a sigh.

"Sure," Shelby responded. "I'll get him for you." She turned to the older girl. "Come on, Quinn help me get thing upstairs."

Shelby turned off the gas on the stove and walked up the stairs. Quinn continued to watch her. Didn't she just tell Rachel to go upstairs and get the Neb-thing? "I meant it Quinn. You're grounded. Let's go."

Quinn sighed and followed. At the top of the stairs she opened up with the question on the tip of her tongue, "What are we doing?"

Shelby didn't answer until they were in Rachel's room. "We're getting her neb and her monkey."

Quinn looked around the room. She took in all of the Broadway posters on the wall and the pictures of her little friends and the family. Most of the pictures were recent for the most part. "Wait, I thought you said Rachel should get it."

Shelby looked at Quinn. "She needs this. She's embarrassed. She asked for help," Shelby said simply.

"You baby her too much," Quinn said not realizing that she said it out loud until Shelby paused with the stuff monkey and the nebulizer in her arms.

"Well, it might look that way," Shelby said with a deep breath.  
>And maybe we do, but she needs this. She needs us and constant reassurance—''<p>

"That might be true," the blond continued to stick up for her verbally vomited challenge. "But it's also true that you baby her."

Shelby sighed. "You don't know what she's been through and –''

"You're right. I don't," Quinn said as she took the nebulizer from Shelby. "But I know I wouldn't want to be babied. I don't want to follow you around like some lost duckling."

"You're grounded, Quinn," Shelby said again. "I told you before that it was a privilege to be alone."

"Is that you answer to everything?"

"Yes, especially when it's the answer. You've added yourself another week. Let's grab your homework that I know you didn't finish. We have about a half hour to finish up and eat a late lunch before the kids get home. Before we head to yours and Santana's appointments."

"Santana's?" Quinn asked.

"Yes, Santana's." Shelby wouldn't say anymore. All she said was. "Let's go."

**A/N I promise the next chapter will be better. I'm sorry. Please let me know what you think. **


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**A/N Thank you everyone for your really mean a lot. Thanks again to s and k who are helping with the story, yes i mean you.  
><strong>

**This next chapter dives into everyone's past. For those of you who have asked, I do work closely with CPS. I supervise visits of families who have been separate by CPS. **

**Sorry that this wasn't Friday's posting guys. I am rocking the antibiotics and they are kicking my ass. **

**Warning: This chapter depicts some pretty intense child abuse and incest. **

* * *

><p>…<p>

When Santana walked through the door with Puck behind her, Rachel sat tiredly on the couch with her monkey tucked in her arm and the nebulizer in the other. Santana spotted Quinn was still working on her lunch in the kitchen as she worked on another problem set. She rolled her eyes and focused on the one person she had wanted to see all day.

"Hey there," Santana whispered as she dropped her bag and herself next to Rachel.

Rachel looked up at her and gave a smile. "Hi," she said around the nebulizer mouthpiece.

"Hey," she muttered kissing the top of Rachel's head.

"Santana," Shelby called. "Please come in here you're grounded."

Santana rolled her eyes and stood up and she felt a hand grab onto hers. Rachel stood up and followed dropping the nebulizer next to her stuffed monkey.

"Rachel, stay in here. Put that back in," Santana said from the doorway to the kitchen.

"I'm finished," Rachel said.

Santana frowned but allowed Rachel to walk in front of her into the kitchen.

Shelby looked up at the girls. Puck was standing at the refrigerator searching for a snack.

"Rachel, come here," Shelby said gently.

Santana watched the routine unfold as Shelby listened to Rachel's breathing as Rachel rolled her eyes. "Alright let's get ready," Shelby said.

"Ready for what?" Santana asked glaring at Quinn.

"Quinn and your appointments," Shelby said. She looked at Santana in her uniform and then saw that Rachel was in her sweatpants and Noah's old jersey. "Now let's go change girls. Quinn and Puck let's go."

"Why do I have to go? I don't need to change," Quinn huffed.

"You're grounded," Rachel shrugged. "It's like Follow the Leader, but all the time. Follow the Mom."

"She's not my mom," Quinn muttered as they all trailed up the stairs.

….

Quinn held her breath as they approached the CPS office. She hated it there. She didn't like it one bit. She had even been tempted to stay in Shelby's Range Rover after the most awkward ride of her life. Santana was glaring at her. Rachel was trying to break the mood as she sat in the middle seat. Puck had been a douche and called shot gun so all three of the girls were crammed in the backseat. At least Rachel was the size of a pea-pod so that had helped. However, Quinn didn't want to be near Santana not one bit. Sharing the backseat with Santana was surely not at the top of the list.

She arrived at the office. She felt as if Shelby practically pulled her out of the car. She threatened her again with having to share a room with Santana . That threat worked and got her out of the car. The eleven-year-old child kept looking at her. She was trying her best not to look back. She wasn't going to look at her. She would be leaving soon. She would tell Jackie she was leaving. It would be a command not a request.

Shelby sat her children outside of the office. There was a very quick greeting between Jackie and them. Quinn stood back with her arms folded. She would simply tell this woman she wanted out. She wanted to go home. She wanted to leave the Corcorans now. She would go somewhere else just to bide her time until she could go home. She was going home. There had to be some other crazy group home in Lima that would take her. She hadn't really meant to set off the fire alarm at the last group home. She sighed as she was suddenly brought back to reality. She was in Jackie's office with Shelby Corcoran. She barely let Jackie sit down before she opened her mouth.

"I want out," she barked. "This sucks. I can't live here."

"Quinn, let's calm down," Jackie said. Quinn noticed Jackie look at Shelby.

"Don't look at her," Quinn said with a sigh. "This is about me. I want to go home. Why can't my mom pick me up?"

"Quinn, how many times have I explained this to you?" Jackie asked with a hint of exhaustion.

"Not enough apparently," Quinn snapped. "My mother has done nothing wrong."

"Two days in the Corcoran residence you can't possibly think that," Jackie said. "You're an honor student and – ''

"Don't call me stupid because I don't understand," Quinn said with a sigh. "You don't understand my mom has always been like this. So what if she has a few drinks. I can take care of myself. I always have. And…." Quinn trailed off. She hadn't realized she was ranting. Without thought she began to speak. She wished so desperately once the minute the words were out of her mouth that she could put them back in. "Now that he's gone, I'll be fine."

Jackie took a deep breath and looked at Quinn squarely. Quinn noticed that she didn't look over at Shelby.

"Quinn, you are a ward of the state now. Your parents do not have their rights as parents anymore. All of that was taken away once we, as Child Protective Services, started our investigation. Your parents demonstrated reasons for the police to believe that night that they were hurting you. And when we took you to the hospital to get you checked out, you were hurt. You told us it was him.—''

"And it was! But it wasn't my mom! Why can't I see my mom?" Quinn asked in frustration.

"Quinn, your mother had an alcohol level way over the limit. On top of that she's dropped dirty for prescription drugs," Jackie said with another sigh. "She hasn't been to a meeting with me where she hasn't been reeking of alcohol. We're investigating her as a parent. While you might be used to her behavior, it's not okay. And the fact that it has been sixteen years before anyone has made an accusation is beyond me." She looked at her carefully. "Do you understand? You can't go home, Quinn. You need to be safe."

"I am safe at my own house! This woman is smothering me!" Quinn yelled in frustration. "What about my sister? Can't I go live with her?"

She hated that she asked that but she had. She needed to exhaust her options.

"She's hard to find, Quinn. We're still looking for her." She saw Quinn frown and continue. "Lawyers are contacting her. She's in New York and….." Jackie trailed off.

"She's siding with them isn't she?" Quinn asked exhausted.

"I can tell you more later when I know more, but I think it's a little more complicated than that." She sighed. "So Shelby's that bad? And what is she doing?" Jackie asked.

"She's taking me to doctor's appointments. Forcing me to have her put on my infection medicine stuff. Grounding me by making her be her lackey. I just gah!" Quinn threw her hands up. She shook her head. "What are we talking about here like a month with this lady?"

Jackie looked at her and paused. Quinn knew that the pause was a bad sign. However, she didn't seem to care because she still had hope inflated in her chest. She needed someone to actually pop her bubble. She just wasn't sure if she could handle it.

"Quinn, we are in the process of establishing a case plan for your mother in order for her to get her rights back. We have to do a minimum average of three months of supervised visits and then if she demonstrates improvement we move to unsupervised visits. You case is reviewed ultimately in six to twelve months to see if your mother has followed the case plan and been able to re-establish a relationship with you. It's going to be awhile."

She had done it. Quinn sunk back into her chair. A minimum of six months? Quinn shook her head. She never should have left that night. She never should have left.

"Now," Jackie started again. "I was able to get the rest of your clothes. They're in those suitcases over there." Quinn didn't look. She continued. "I've set up your therapy appointments beginning next week. Now, you know your father will be put on trial right? " Quinn refused to look at her. "From the accusations that you made at the hospital that night –''

"I didn't accuse him! You asked me a question and I was….. scared and tired and….. I just …. I said it I want to take it back," Quinn said with fluctuating volume. She stared off silently at her hands caught in a memory.

_"Did you think I was kidding?" fourteen year old Quinn watched as her father slammed the door to her bedroom. "Answer me, Quinn." He never yelled. She always wished that he yelled more. The icy fury of his voice horrified her more. _

_ "No, sir," she said with her head held high. _

_ "Then why on earth did you believe that your behavior at school would be tolerated?" _

_ "I thought you wanted me to be better, sir," she said quietly looking at her feet. _

_ "Look at me, Quinn," he ordered. She did. "You thought because you were on the varsity cheerleading squad that you can pull whatever shit that you wanted? You think that I would be proud? You need to do better than this. You have four more years of high school to succeed. You messed up. Did you think that climbing the social ladder and becoming perfect is what you needed to do because that's what Frannie did? Do you think throwing that humiliating that scum kike Israel into the dumpster with your lackeys would be enough? No, Quinn, wrong. You are supposed to not get caught. People are meant to be in their place. Aren't they?" _

_ She nodded. "Yes, sir."_

_ "And it's our job to put them there," he continued to lead her. _

_ "Yes, sir."_

_ He began unthreading his belt. "It's not our job to get caught by the idiots who think we're doing wrong. Now is it?" _

_ "No, sir." She swallowed her fear and tried not to tremble. _

_ "Now," he said with his belt off. "What would you like to do first? Make it up to me or be punished?" _

_ She tried her best not to tremble. She knew if she made it up to him, maybe he wouldn't belt her for so long. She looked up and they locked eyes. Slowly, she lowered herself to her knees._

"Quinn, Quinn," Jackie said gently. "You don't want to go down that road. What your father did is a felony whether you are pressing charges or not. The state has a case against him. The lawyer will be in contact with you soon. Shelby will be with you every step of the way."

"I don't want to do that," she muttered.

"I know," Jackie said again in a mockingly gentle voice, or at least that's how Quinn heard it.

"Shelby, could you tell me about how Quinn is doing in your home?" Jackie asked.

Quinn looked over at Shelby ready for her to say how useless and a pain she was.

"We're adjusting. There was a fight between her and Santana last night. There were things thrown. It got out of hand, but we settled pretty quickly. I will let Quinn tell you about it in a few minutes when I step out, but," Shelby looked at the surprised blonde. "She is grounded for her constant attitude, but I think we're working on it. She went to the doctor. She has an infection. She's on antibiotics. I think she would do well at our home if she allows herself to. She is always welcome."

Quinn frowned and looked at Shelby and then back at Jackie. Shelby nodded and left the room.

"Quinn, what do you think?" Jackie asked once the door was closed. "Tell me about this fight."

"I want out. Where's the nearest group home?" Quinn asked quickly.

"If you want out you can," Jackie said. "However, you haven't given Shelby a chance. And honestly, I think you might really learn a lot from the Corcoran kids and Shelby for that matter. I don't know what you know, but their experience in New York was a tough one." Quinn looked up with a frown. The older woman shuffled more papers on her desk. "But if you want to move group homes, you're going to have to move districts, change schools."

"Are you kidding me?" she asked with indignation. She shook her head. Wouldn't anyone take her?

"No, I'm not. Tell you what. You and I meet again next week," she handed her a card. "You call me if you have any problems. You'll get through this, Quinn. You just need to try."

….

Puck sat across from the girls as they sat cramped in the hallway outside of Jackie's office. Rachel watched as her brother flipped through a magazine.

"Do you….." she started but trailed off. "Do you remember having to come here?"

Puck looked at her for a bit. Santana looked at her and looked away returning to her own magazine. "We didn't come here," she said quietly. "We were in New York."

"I mean," she said as she caught Puck's eye as he gazed up slightly from the magazine. "I mean…. The office. Does this…. Never mind."

"Rach, what are you going to ask?" he asked gently closing the magazine in one hand and leaning both forearms on his thighs.

She looked at her brother. "Does this make you think of what happened?"

Santana looked at her brother and then looked slowly over at Rachel. "Of course, it does," she finally said. "But we were different."

"How?" Rachel asked quietly. Puck leaned back and watched Santana, knowing that she knew something. "I don't think we are."

"What do you know, bug?" he asked carefully.

"Enough," she muttered.

Rachel leaned against the wall and looked at her hands. The three of them let the silence fall on them again. Santana was lost in thought but was pretending to read the latest issue of _People_. Rachel saw it and took her chance.

"I saw her back, San," she said quietly. "No one was there to protect her."

Santana looked at her. "Rach…."

"San, she needs support right now," she looked up at her with big eyes. "Why can't you do that? When it was me…."

"You're different," she said quickly. She sighed.

The fact was she didn't protect her. She hadn't been able to fight hard enough for her. Santana looked away from Rachel as the door suddenly opened.

"You guys just about ready to go?" Shelby asked. "Quinn is almost finished."

….

Santana was silent when they all loaded into the car and headed to the familiar office of Dr. Jacobs. She had been there since she could remember. She didn't hate the woman like she used to. They had a strange and mutual respect. However, she knew what it meant to be there with her, especially before her regular monthly check in. It meant that she had lost control. Rachel's face echoed in her mind. She always expected so much of Santana. Even though Santana let her down time and time again.

_Eight year old Santana watched the ceiling fan creak around in circles. She hated the damn fan. This was supposed to be summer. Her father had promised the Hamptons. Instead, they were in this shit hole. She wasn't sure what a shit hole was, but she had heard her father say it about the Bronx once. She was pretty sure she must be in the shittiest Bronx there was. She looked down next to the bed. Puck's makeshift bed was on the floor. When Hiram had told the three of them that they were sharing a room and a bed, Noah had not been happy. Needless to say, Hiram shut up him fast. His bed was empty. Santana felt a tear escape from her eye, because she could hear the belt hitting his bare flesh from behind the closed door. She couldn't even remember what he had done wrong. She turned to her right and saw baby sister sound asleep. She leaned over and put her hands softly on her ears trying her best not to wake her. _

"_Shhhh," she whispered as Rachel started to stir. "It'll be over soon." _

_Rachel's eyes fluttered open and she jumped. She used to be one of the most energetic two year olds in Manhattan. Now, she jumped when she woke up. _

"_Close your eyes," Santana whispered using her hands that were just holding her sister's little ears to hold her sister's cheeks. "Sanny's here. Close your eyes." _

_It never occurred to her that eight year olds should do this, but it was her job. She was the big sister. The more that she thought about it she was sure that Puck was being hit because of something Santana did. It was almost something she did. But Noah never cried out. Santana was sure that fueled him more. As she lay there trying to coax Rachel back to sleep, all she heard was the belt. She never heard him cry. He was stronger than she was. She always cried eventually. She bit her bottom lip. She had cried when she had had her turn before Noah. She always cried._

_ The door flew open and both of them jumped. Noah came stumbling into the room. His face was tear stained but his eyes were angry and determined._

_ "Get in there, you little shit," Hiram said pushing the boy into the room. He spotted both of the girls on the bed. _

_ Santana frowned instinctively at the man. They had barely been there a week and she was pretty sure that he had found an excuse to beat both Santana and Noah at least once a day. However, she and Noah deemed themselves successful because other than occasional slam, Rachel had escaped his wrath. _

_ "What are you looking at, you fucking cunt?" he spat. _

_ Santana frowned deeper. She had no idea what that was but she knew she should be offended. She looked away at him and then back down at Rachel who had scrambled into her arms at the man's scream. Santana could feel her trembling in her arms. She held on tighter. _

_ "I asked you a question!" he bellowed. He grabbed the back of Santana's nightshirt. She flinched at the still healing welts. _

_ Rachel let out a sob in her arms. _

_ "What the fuck are you screaming about?" he barked at the youngest Corcoran. _

_ Santana's eyes widened in protest. "No." Her voice came out barely as a whisper as she realized what he was going to do. _

_ "I'll fucking give you something to scream about," he yelled as he yanked Rachel up by her forearm and dragged her out of Santana's arms. _

_ "No!" Santana yelled. "She's too little. No!" _

_ She even saw her brother from the side push himself up and try to go after him. "Please! No," he yelled after them. _

_ He held Rachel up by her arm as she sobbed. "She hasn't gotten her turn yet." Santana saw him look between her and Noah. He shook her. "She's not too little. Are you, Rachel? Are you too little for a spanking? Maybe the belt?" _

_Santana jumped off of the naked mattress and ran toward him. "Please, please. I'll do anything let her go," she pleaded. _

"_No," Noah sighed with pleading eyes. "I will take it again. Please not her." _

_Hiram gave a slight smirk. "After a week of hell with you kids, why didn't I see this before? This is how I get you to behave." He shook Rachel with his words. Her teeth shattered around her sobs. He yanked off her pull up and her nightshirt, leaving her naked. He threw the items at Santana. "She won't be needing these. Don't worry. I'll do it loud enough for you to hear it." _

_Santana ran after him but before she or Noah could get to the door it was slammed shut and locked. _

"_Good job holding still, Rachel," he beamed on the other side of the door. Santana could hear the spanking begin. "You're not a fighter like your brother and sister."_

_Santana slid down the door with defeated, angry tears. Puck banged on the door as if Hiram would let him in because of his knocks. For what seemed like a lifetime, all Santana heard were Rachel's screams and the Hiram rained down on her exposed flesh. _

Santana opened the familiar door and sat down. It was at that moment, she remembered that he stopped hitting her and Puck as much and started going after Rachel. He had recognized her as a pawn. He had seen her power over them. Santana closed her eyes in her memory as the vivid nature caused Rachel's screams to echo in her head. She never fought back against him. She barely even moved. All she had done was cry.

"Santana? Santana?"

The teenager shook her head. She hadn't been able to protect her at all.

"Santana, wherever you are, come back," Dr. Jacobs said gently.

Santana looked at her.

"So…. Tell me about Quinn," Dr. Jacobs began.

…

Quinn looked up when she noticed Shelby at the receptionist counter. She saw her chance. She was hating herself more than anything. She needed to either affirm her self loathing by comparing her life to someone else's or reaffirm how other people suck more than she did by comparing her life to someone else's.

The tiny brunette was sitting next to her reading her book report book. She noticed Puck sitting next to her. She just needed to wait for her opportunity. When Puck stood and went to use the restroom she took her shot.

"So, Rach," she began. The tiny brunette looked up at her as if she had called her the queen of France. "When your dad died, you went to live with your mom?" She met another shocked look. Rachel looked at her again in utter confusion.

"Um, I'm not sure if you are aware of your complete lack of subtly there or not, but…." Rachel trailed off. She looked at her mother and then back at Quinn. "Well, that really isn't how …. I …." Quinn watched as she searched for words. "My stepdad took us ….. I don't remember all of it…. Just," she took a breath. "…some…"

"So he was the one that hit you?" Quinn asked pointedly. She spotted Puck return but was relieved when he stopped to talk with Shelby.

She watched as Rachel struggled with her answer. Finally, she responded, "Yes." It came out like a tiny whisper.

"Did he hit Santana and Puck?" she asked hurriedly. If she had taken a moment she may have noticed Rachel retreating quietly into herself.

"Quinn," Puck called from across from her. "Can I speak with you over here please?"

She sighed but followed under Shelby's watchful gaze.

Puck looked at her with harsh eyes.

"You want to know about our past you ask me. You do not, do NOT, interrogate her," his voice was calm but harsh. Quinn hated that.

"Oh, come on," she said. "How else was I supposed to find anything out?" She glared at him. "Besides it's not like you were going to tell me anything."

He huffed. "Like you're going to tell me something," he said with a laugh.

To her surprise, Puck didn't bark back. She looked at him and he was staring at Rachel.

"What do you want to know, Quinn?" he asked begrudgingly.

"I want to know what happened," she said straightforward.

He sighed and said quietly as Shelby sat next to a withdrawn Rachel. "Our stepdad took us for a little over the summer. No one knew where we were. My mom couldn't find us."

Quinn looked at him. She knew that there was more to the story that he wasn't saying. She watched him watch Rachel. "Why are you so protective of her?"

Puck looked at her. She felt suddenly vulnerable and exposed under his stare.

"What?" she asked irritably.

"Did your dad do more than hit you?" he suddenly asked.

She frowned. Where was this coming from? He shook his head at her absence of an answer.

He gave a soft nod and looked down at his hands. "You're not the only one, Quinn. I get how hard this is for you. I do, but you're not alone."

"How would you know?" she asked.

"After all that had happened, social services took us…..They had to evaluate my mom as a fit parent. She didn't know where we were or …. And after everything, they wanted to make sure we would be 'safe.' We were separated. You're not alone in this Quinn."

She looked away from him. She didn't want to know anymore. His honesty ached in her chest. She gave a sigh. It felt like she was alone.

….

Santana folded her arms tightly across her chest. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"You got into a fight, didn't you?" Dr. Jacobs asked.

"So," Santana challenged.

"Are we really going to play that game, Santana?" she asked with a hint of annoyance.

Santana sighed. She looked at her hands. "All that she remembers is that I saved her. That isn't what happened."

"Quinn brought this up? That's what you fought about?"

Santana shook her head. "No, that's what she made me think of." She sighed. "Rachel told me that no one was there to save Quinn…. I wasn't able to save her." Santana refused to look the doctor in the eye. "…. I got mad at Quinn that night because at her doctor's appointment I realized that it had happened to her… and … and that…. I don't know…..something happened….. and I broke. I messed up. And I can't….. stop being angry. I don't…. I don't understand where this is coming from….."

Dr. Jacobs looked at her. "Alright, Santana. Alright. Let's focus on that then, shall we?"

…..

**Please review. **


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 –

**A/N again this was supposed to be a little longer but I decided it needed to be split up. Let me know what you think please**

**Thank you again to my patient beta and my wonderful muse. **

* * *

><p>The car ride home was practically silent. They all seemed too caught up in their own memories. Shelby continued to glance at the kids through the rear view mirror trying to gauge where they all were. As soon as she pulled into the garage, the four of them were out of the vehicle like lightning.<p>

"Santana, Quinn," she called out to them. They both stopped at the door. Santana looked at her. Quinn did not turn around. "Help with me with dinner please."

Santana sighed but went into the kitchen and began to fill a pot with water. Quinn watched with a slight frown. She felt the smaller girl move past her.

"What are you making?" Rachel asked as climbed up on the barstool.

Santana shrugged. "Pasta?" She looked at Quinn. "Do you eat pasta?"

Quinn searched for Santana's voice for mockery and manipulation but found none.

"Yeah," she said with a shrug. "Whatever."

"Well, get over here and help me," Santana said annoyed. "There are vegetables in the fridge that need chopping and whatnot."

Before she could protest, Shelby walked in. "Bug, what are you eating?"

Rachel shrugged tiredly. "Fruit?" Shelby arched an eyebrow at her. "Can I have a shake?"

Shelby nodded and turned to Quinn. "How are you feeling?"

Quinn was staring at the vegetables idly rather than chopping them. It took a few moments before she looked up at older woman and with a shake of her head responded, "Yes, of course."

"That wasn't a yes or no answer," Rachel said with her chin rested on her palm.

Shelby handed her youngest some fruit. "Please wash these and cut them up. Make enough for two."

"I only want one." Rachel said quietly.

"The other isn't for you." she replied just as quietly.

A half an hour later, the five of them sat in silence at the table. The silence was different than the silence from the previous night because there were no glares this time. They were all in their own separate worlds. Santana was sat quietly staring at her burnt garlic bread.

"It's fine, Santana," her mother had assured. If had just been her family, Santana wouldn't have cared. However, because Quinn was present, she was mortified.

Quinn didn't mind the burnt bread. It wasn't too much of a problem. She was simply grateful that she wasn't the only one that burnt bread. The only other household that she had visited for dinner besides the Corcorans had been the Pierces. They had seemed perfect too. She had only been able to go to the Pierces. She had always been grateful because she had always enjoyed her visits. They kept her sane in a way that took years for her to fully comprehend. Sometimes you don't realize that you need to be kept afloat until you're drowning. That's how it had been with the Pierces. They had been pre-approved of by her parents because of the Pierce's social elite status. Apparently, being a surgeon in Lima and having good standing at the country club was enough to get in the good graces of Russell Fabray.

Santana and Brittany's friendship should have made things more complicated for Quinn. She should have been more jealous, but she wasn't. Santana was able to offer something Quinn could never offer: normalcy. Quinn frowned and thought more deeply, at least that's what she thought. Nevertheless, burnt bread meant that Santana wasn't perfect. She needed more burnt bread.

Puck found great interest in his plate of pasta or at least he pretended to. He kept glancing up at Quinn periodically. He wanted so desperately to ask her more questions, but at the same time he didn't. He had convinced himself that he was respecting her space. The more he thought about it, the more he reminded himself that he hadn't been one to answer himself and that he couldn't push her. Suddenly, he felt the table move slightly and he looked up and around at the women at the silent table. He chuckled internally when his eyes finally rested on Rachel who was leaning on her chin on the palm of her hand as she pushed her fruits and vegetables around her plate. Her elbow had slipped when she started to fall asleep, causing her arm and head to fall. He watched with an amused smile as Rachel straightened and rested her chin on her elbow.

Shelby reached out next to her and rubbed Rachel's back. Quinn's glance at Shelby's actions didn't go unnoticed by the mother.

"Wake up, pumpkin," she whispered. "Finish your meal please."

"You don't like it?" Santana said looking at Quinn's untouched pasta.

"I'm not hungry," Quinn said quietly.

Shelby looked at the blonde girl. She arched her eyebrow. With a gentle but maternal tone she said, "Either you eat the pasta or you eat the rest of the protein shake in the refrigerator."

Quinn looked over at Rachel's shake.

"It's made with soy milk and fruit. It's very delicious," Rachel assured.

Quinn nodded quietly. "I'll take the shake."

Santana scoffed as Shelby stood up and started back toward the kitchen. "Santana, enough. Finish up, guys. Then homework."

"Noah is the only male here," Rachel said sitting up.

Shelby rolled her eyes and went into the kitchen and retrieved the rest of the protein shake for Rachel.

…..

After the meal was finished, Quinn and Santana had been called into the living room. The clanging of the plates, Puck's low rumbling voice and Rachel's giggles echoed into the room. Quinn looked back at the noise hoping to escape the impending parental speech. Maybe someone would drop something; maybe something would break. Quinn nodded. Yes, that would allow her to at least postpone this conversation. Her plans were thwarted when she felt the couch move as Santana fell into sofa with her arms folded across her chest in indignation.

"Alright girls, here's the deal," Shelby began quietly. "This stops now. I know you've both had long past few days, but we need to get to some sort of compromise."

"We both know that we're grounded," Santana said. "What more do you want from us?"

"Civility," Shelby said as she looked at both of the girls. "If you have a problem, you come to me. Got it? You both will be going to therapy, but school and Cheerios and then home. That's it. This behavior will not tolerated. If it continues, no Cheerios. You will stop antagonizing each other. Got it?" She didn't wait for an answer from the girls besides acknowledgement from their eyes. "Santana, go help them finish up in the kitchen and take out the trash. Tell your brother that you and him are going to do homework in the kitchen. Quinn will be joining you in a few minutes."

Quinn watched Santana leave. She had never wanted Santana not to leave as much as she did at that moment. She turned reluctantly back to Shelby. She didn't want to talk. She wanted to hide.

"Let's go upstairs, Quinn," Shelby said. "Come on."

"I thought that Puck and Santana are grounded. Don't they have to come? Isn't this breaking your rules?" she countered. There was an unmasked hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"Do you prefer that they all come with us to clean your back?" Shelby asked with a challenge.

Quinn sighed and conceded as she followed Shelby up the stairs. They settled on Quinn's bed, no, the guest bed, Quinn reminded herself. She settled in front of Shelby and once she lifted her own shirt, she felt Shelby start to clean the wound on her back with an antibacterial spray. She flinched at the coldness and the sting. Shelby then began putting the ointment on.

"What was dinner at your house like?" Shelby asked gently.

Quinn looked forward with a scowl.

"It was dinner," she said quietly.

"So, I heard that you were good friends with Brittany Pierce growing up. Did you go over their house a lot for dinner?" Shelby tried.

Quinn frowned again. "Yeah," she said quietly. "When my parents were at the club…. or somewhere. She was my best friend growing up. How do you know that?"

"Jackie mentioned it," Shelby said lightly. "Did you like going over there?"

"I don't really want to talk about me," she said quietly.

"Okay," Shelby said. She thought she would try another approach. "You mentioned yesterday that we baby Rachel too much."

"Yeah," she said reluctantly. Stick to your guns, she reminded herself. "You do. She's going to suffocate."

"Like you?" Shelby tried again. She sighed. "I know you feel that that might be the case with you. However, you're a part of this family at least for a little while. I'm sure that this day was hard for you. I expect you to help with chores and be respectful, but I don't expect you to like the situation."

Quinn didn't want to talk about this anymore. She would return back to her conversation of choice: One that wasn't about her. "Why do you baby her so much?"

"Because." Shelby gave a heavy sigh that she could actually feel on her back. "Alright, sit up." Quinn changed and watched Shelby carefully as she changed from the bathroom. "A lot has happened to her."

"Well, from what I gather, she's not the only one," Quinn fired back as she came out from the bathroom. She saw Shelby's face. "Sorry, but… why is she so special? You have two other children."

Shelby watched Quinn's face. "Watch the attitude. And yes, she wasn't the only one who has been through a lot. Quinn, it's not my past to tell. Maybe some day when Rachel is ready." The young girl turned to the mother and looked at her. "She trusts people, Quinn. Too much. And it scares us. On top of everything that's happened she still trusts people. It continues to shock me to this day. Santana and Puck keep people as far away from them as they can as if they're always ready for a fight. But Rachel… Ever since she was little, even after it all happened, she had a hope that the others of us didn't have. Even when she was in therapy, at CPS, and in the hospital, she trusted people. Santana and Puck are more like you. They're impulsive and initially distrustful. You put up walls. When they had meetings and visits with CPS, they would throw chairs, shoes and lamps. Rachel would trust their gentle words. She was frightened and cautious but she needed people to be good. She hoped too badly for them to be good... and when they weren't…" Shelby searched her eyes and realized in that moment the necessity of an explanation, even it if was only going to be a partial one. "Someone tried to take her once at a grocery store. Not long after we moved to Lima. She was about six. This man convinced her to go out to the parking lot and look for us. We were all frantically looking for her. Santana spotted her outside and called out to her. The man ran off. We never figured out who it was. Santana didn't see him, but it didn't matter because she was safe. Too much has happened, Quinn and we're all on the edge of our seats with her. She still doesn't really understand what happened." Quinn watched as Shelby shook her head with a chuckle. "She just thought she got lost at the grocery store. All that she remembers is that we found her." Shelby straightened. "Maybe they will tell you if you start listen."

Quinn shook her head. She still didn't have her answer. She didn't know what happened before. She didn't understand what was so bad. In the back of her head, a voice was whispering the answer to her, but she didn't want to hear it. Shelby started talking again before Quinn could figure out something to say.

"Well leaving her in the dark isn't helping her," Quinn responded. Shelby gave Quinn a look that the girl couldn't read. What she didn't know is that the girl had spent her whole life taking in the world around her and realizing what others did and did not deserve. If she overanalyzed others, she didn't have to focus on herself. Quinn recovered. "What I'm saying is that she's only eleven, right? Predators won't stop because you watch her like a hawk. You have to give her the tools to watch out for herself."

Shelby watched her carefully. She searched the aged eyes of the young girl for an answer. She finally nodded. "Like you had to?"

The blonde looked down at her hands.

"This is hard for you, Quinn. I do see that," Shelby sighed. "But I want you here. Okay? You need to give us a chance. I know that this house isn't like your own. –'' She looked up at her and saw her face. "Not that we want it to be."

"I don't," Quinn replied. "I don't want it to be. I just… This isn't where I belong."

"Where do you belong?" Shelby asked carefully.

She looked at her for a moment. "I don't know," she finally said.

"Well," Shelby said as she stood to her feet. "Maybe you don't think that you belong here. I don't know. But I will promise you this. If you give me a chance, I promise you I will do my very best to make sure that you find it." She sighed. "Now get your books. I know you have plenty of work to do."

…..

Santana looked around the breakfast table at Puck and Quinn. She looked over her shoulder and saw her mother deeply engaged on the computer with her own work. She turned back to the pair at the table. They were concentrating so hard on their homework it made her want to throw up. She peeked around the corner and saw Rachel tucked into the ottoman in the living room reading a book. She had talked with Dr. Jacobs about her anger. However, she had given move specifics on what she wanted to throw instead of why she wanted to throw them. While she had felt calmer through dinner, in that moment, sitting across from the blond Cheerio captain that she loathed, she wanted to snap back.

"So, captain, my captain," Santana hissed across the table in a low whisper. "How exactly did you get around your heinously strict parents and sleep with Finn Hudson?" She tilted her head and threw the girl a smirk as she whispered, "Where on earth would you have the time?"

Puck jerked his foot underneath the table and hit his sister in the shin.

Quinn slowly lifted her head and gave the Cheerio a look that could cut glass.

"Shut up," she hissed trying to keep her voice low. "I would shut your pie hole, slut."

"Don't call me a slut. You're the one who puts out for Jesus," she snapped back still attempting to keep her voice down.

"Really, San? Why are you starting something?" Puck asked with annoyance.

"Because this is my house," she whispered.

"Oh, right," Quinn said throwing down her pen. "You only put out for one. Right? One woman?"

"Don't for one second think that you know me," Santana hissed. "You slept with that man-boobed giganta-saur and expected love. Admit it, you were with that doe-eyed big bird for what, a year? A new level pathetic if you ask me, especially because he has the brain of roadkill."

"Fuck you," Quinn barked causing even the stone-faced brunette to jump. "I'm done. I'm out of here."

"No, you're not," Shelby said standing up and glaring at her eldest daughter. "I will talk to you in a second." She turned back to the blonde. "Let me see your homework."

"No," she said. "It's mine."

"I'm not arguing with you," Shelby said sternly.

Quinn moped back over to the table and handed Shelby her papers. "See? Now can I please go to my room?"

Shelby arched her brow and sighed. At least she was referring to it as her room.

"Wait in the living room with Rachel and I'll bring you in a glass of water to take your medicine," Shelby finally conceded.

"Whatever," the blonde girl said as she strode out of the room.

When Shelby turned back to Santana, Santana knew that she was in trouble. Shelby looked at Puck. "Noah, can you go get your sister ready for bed please?"

"I can do it myself, Mom!" Rachel called out from the other room.

Puck pressed his lips together into a frown and strode into the living room with a shuffle. "She's just trying to get rid of me so she can yell at Santana in private," he said rolling his eyes at his youngest sister.

"I would like to hear please," Rachel said with optimistic interest.

"Yeah, right," he laughed as he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder causing her to catch her breath in her chest.

"Be careful!" Santana hissed from the other room.

"I'm fine," Rachel said with a cough. "Have a lovely night, Quinn. I'm sorry my sister was a witch to you. It was a pleasure spending the day with you."

Santana scowled as the blond gave a small smile that immediately turned into a frown when she realized she was being watched.

Shelby watched as her son carried Rachel up the stairs. She turned back to her daughter and held her gaze. "Quinn, come in here please," Shelby said clearly and distinctly.

Santana watched as the blonde shuffled in.

"I'm going to say this once," Shelby said patiently. "If you have one more of these spats, here or at school or anywhere else, you're sharing a room."

"Mom!" Santana barked.

"That's all I'm saying," Shelby said in a calmly quiet voice. "Quinn, pour yourself a class of water. Santana, give me your homework."

The power of her mother's cold and commanding voice seemed to force the animosity to rest. Santana didn't even turn away from her mother to glare at Quinn. She didn't dare.

….

Another half hour later, there was an uneasy tension that blanketed the house. Quinn tried to ignore Santana's stares as Santana glared at her from her vanity table.

"I don't know what you're staring at, but I'm not into that," Quinn hissed.

"I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole," Santana said marching into the bathroom and grabbing her toothpaste. "Plus, I'm not into girls."

Quinn scoffed. "Sure you're not."

"Shut up," Santana barked. "Listen, it's bad enough that I have to share a bathroom with you, so I'm sure as hell not sharing a room. No, fucking way. So we need to work something out here, Barbie."

"Whatever," Quinn barked. "I'm already dying. Sharing a room with you would be hell."

Santana walked away from the blonde and climbed into bed. After their chilling conversation downstairs, Shelby told her and Quinn that they had to go to bed early because it had been such an exhausting day. At that point, Santana knew well enough not to argue.

"Get in bed, Rach," Santana heard Shelby say as she poked her head into Rachel's bedroom. Her mother looked at her. "I'll be right in, San."

…

Puck meandered up the stairs as he toted the two suitcases. They weren't heavy, but holding suitcases always made him remember.

_"Alright, Noah, you're doing great," the woman, Ellie said reassuringly. _

_ "Can I help you?" the man Bryan asked. _

_ "I got it!" nine year old Noah said as he hauled the suitcases up the brown stone steps. "I'm not going to be here long. My sisters and I are going to live with my mom again." _

_ Bryan smiled. "Alright." His voice was gentle and deep like his father's had been, Noah remembered. "Well you'll have your own room here." _

_ "I don't care," Noah hissed as he walked up the steps. "Where are my sisters?" _

_ "They're not here, son," Bryan said gently. "Rachel just went to the shelter that you just left from and Santana is still waiting for a foster home." _

_ "I'm not your son," Noah hissed. "Why couldn't she come here?"_

_ Ellie looked at Bryan and knelt down in front of him. "We're working with Natalie to get both your sisters here too. But your sisters need some more medical care more than we can give. And we originally just thought we were getting you, so their rooms aren't ready. We're trying, Noah." _

_ He frowned. "No you're not. No one is. They just…. I want to go home to my mom." _

_ "You can't, not yet at least," Bryan said softly. "I'll tell you what. Me and Ellie we'll work really hard to get them here and until then we'll try our best to work out with the shelter and Natalie a time where the three of you can get together and play okay?" _

_ "What do you need from me?" Noah asked after a beat._

_ Bryan thought for a second. "Patience and honesty. You can be as mad as you want, but you need to let us know." _

_ Noah frowned. "Fine." _

Quinn watched Santana settle in her room. She was reminded that she wasn't apart of the family. She walked back into her room. She was about allow herself to give in to her own exhaustion and escape from her new found hell. There was knock her door. The guest room door, she corrected herself.

"Hey," Puck said quietly from the door. "My mom asked me to bring these up for you." He set down two suitcases on the floor. "These are yours right?"

"Who else's would they be?" she hissed.

"You don't have to be a bitch," he sneered. "I can throw your stuff out the window."

"I heard you're great at throwing things," she muttered.

"Shut it, road runner," he said sitting down next to her. "Listen, I just…. I was thinking about what we talked about earlier." He turned and caught Quinn's frown. "People suck, Quinn and I'm sorry that it took you this long to get out of there."

"You don't know what you're talking about," she said quietly.

He met her gaze. "I don't?" He sighed and looked at his hands. "I get that you're mad okay? When I first moved here, I started at Franklin Junior High, first week mind you, I threw Michael Hartland through a Plexiglas window in the cafeteria."

Her eyes widened. "That was you?"

Puck shrugged. "Yeah," he said casually. "He pushed Santana. So I pushed him." He sighed. "So my mom, our case manager here, and Dr. Jacobs made a deal with the judge. – ''

"You see Dr. Jacobs, too? Shouldn't you all not see the same person?" Quinn asked.

"Nah, she's the family therapist. We were comfortable with her." He found his train of thought again. "So anyway, I had to go away for a bit." He saw he had Quinn's attention. "It was to this boot camp basically. It kinda kicked my ass."

"Well, that's nice, Puck, but I have nowhere else to go," Quinn said with a hint of sadness underneath her hard exterior. "This is my last stop and I'm out. You had your family to come back to after boot camp. People are so fed up with me." She looked at her hands. "I have a minimum of six months here and then what? I don't know." She looked at him as she reformed her frown. "Thanks for trying to make me feel better with your own pity party, but go throw your bash elsewhere."

"It gets better," Puck said quietly.

"Whatever," she muttered.

He left the room.

…

Shelby sat gently on Rachel's bed. She could hear her youngest wheezing from the door. She set up the nebulizer next to the table and grabbed the mask from the counter. Rachel shook her head.

"No," she muttered. "I don't want to use the mask. It's for babies."

"No, it's for when you're really tired," Shelby assured.

Shelby arched an eyebrow as Rachel frowned. "I'm not a baby, Mom. You treat me like a baby."

"I know," Shelby said quietly. "I'll try better not to." She looked up at her daughter who was staring at her in shock. "What?" she asked.

"…. You… you admitted it," Rachel said.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Shelby said. "We just worry."

Rachel looked away and leaned her head into the pillow. "I know," she murmured. "I simply want to be grown up."

"Don't push it," Shelby smirked.

Rachel gave a small sigh and reached for the mask. She held to her mouth as Shelby helped to put the band around her head. Her mother went to press the on button. Rachel put her hand on hers to stop her.

"Can…" Rachel began quietly. "I know she's in trouble, but can San come in?"

…..

Santana peaked out of her room. She was waiting for her mother to leave.

"Hey, loser," her brother muttered from the doorway.

"Leave me alone, Puck," Santana frowned at her brother.

"Why did you start that tonight?" He asked curiously. "Every time you let your guard down, you act dumb again."

"Coming from dumbest, himself," she sneered climbing out of bed.

She started toward her open door as soon as the door across the hallway opened. Her mother looked at her and her brother carefully.

"Rachel is asking for you, San," Shelby said finally. "Sit with her, but you are not sleeping in there. You all need your rest."

"I sleep fine with her, Mom," Santana protested. "Plus she needs me."

"She has you, too, but Santana I am not arguing," Shelby said with a stern but quiet voice. "And if your behavior continues, I'm serious keep your anger in check or your time with Rachel will be limited."

Santana nodded and walked past her mother. "Only for a bit, San," she heard her mother call out. Rachel looked up at Santana's entrance. She gave a small smile under the mask.

"Hey," Santana whispered as she climbed into bed next to her sister. She wrung out her hands and stared at them intently as she gathered her thoughts. "I haven't had a chance to talk to you about last night and tell you that I….." She caught her sister's eyes. She shook her head with emotion as she locked her gaze with hers. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to… I didn't mean to scare you."

Santana felt emotion building in her chest like a cannon ready to explode. She then felt a quiet hand on hers.

"I know." Rachel's voice was muffled under the mask. "It just scared me. I was never mad at you. I just…. I get scared, but never of you." Rachel took in another deep breath of the vapor from the nebulizer as she leaned her head on Santana's shoulder. "You don't have to keep apologizing."

Santana shook her head. Yes, she did. She would spend the rest of her life apologizing.

She felt a nudge in her side. "San?" she heard a small whisper.

"Yup, bug?"

"Lay off Quinn, okay?" Rachel asked. Her voice was still muffled by the mask and covered with tiredness.

"What?" She was genuinely surprised.

"I like her. She's our new sister." Santana let out a loud scoff. "Seriously," Rachel whined. She looked up at her older sister with big eyes. "She needs us. You need to stop, okay? At least just a little."

"Fine, but only for you," Santana muttered. "No one else."

Rachel gave her a satisfied smile. She leaned back into Santana. After about a beat, she sat up again. "One more thing." Santana couldn't help but chuckle at the seriousness of Rachel's voice despite the mask. "You need to let me have my voice lessons in peace. I don't know what your problem is with Mr. Schuester. I am a woman. I have talent and he is going to help me grow as an actress." The older girl really did try to conceal her laugh, but failed. "Seriously," Rachel continued. "I will never succeed with you like this." Her voice calmed. "Please just let me go at least for a bit?"

Santana watched her. The young girl always was so convincing. She looked at her silently with an arched eyebrow. She exhaled deeply. "Fine," she whispered. "Lean back now and sleep."

"I have to finish this," Rachel mumbled indignantly as she motioned toward the nebulizer.

"Whatever," Santana replied.

Rachel leaned into Santana and closed her eyes with a deep breath. Only a few more minutes of this and she could take it off and sleep. This had been the longest day in the existence of the human race, Rachel thought to herself.

Santana felt Rachel snuggle into her side. She counted to five slowly in her head as she combed Rachel's hair back with her hand. At five, she took a deep breath and looked down. Rachel was sound asleep.

…

_ "Sweetheart, can you pass me the juice?" Leroy asked. Shelby looked at him. His Puerto Rican and African American features mixed together gracefully. Sometimes she was caught off guard. "Babe, the juice." _

_ She sighed. Focus, Shelby, she instructed herself. She passed Leroy the juice. _

_ "Hey, Mom," almost seven year old Noah called from Shelby's side. "She's moving again." _

_ Shelby looked over at the rocker in the living room. Rachel's tiny fists were raised in the air above the lip of the rocker. _

_ "She's waking up," five year old Santana informed walking up the edge of the rocker. "She's only four weeks old. All she knows how to do is sleep." _

_ "And poop!" Noah sighed. "When can she be fun, Mom?" _

_ "Give her a few more months, Noah," Shelby assured as she picked up her tiny daughter and cooed her quietly. "Good morning, my sweet girl." _

_ Approximately eleven months ago, Shelby came home with a big bottle of white wine. She had prepared herself to talk to her husband about the reality of their marriage. Most specifically she needed to talk to him about his apparent sexual disinterest in her. Now, she was happy with a newborn. She looked over her shoulder at her husband with a smile. She needed to keep pretending. She wasn't ready to be the woman whose husband left her. She wasn't ready to be that. She wanted to stay in the oblivious bliss. She held her baby close._

_ She felt a gentle hand on her back and soft kiss land on her cheek. _

_ "You want me to take her?" he asked with a smile. "She looks just like you." _

_ "No, I've got her," Shelby replied with a smile. _

_ "Come here, my little rascals," Leroy smiled scooping both Santana and Noah in his arms. _

_ Both of them squealed with laughter. "Daddy!" He set them down and raised his arms above his arms above his head. _

_ "I think I need to get a Corcoran sandwich!" _

_ Shelby chuckled as she held her baby close. "Look at those silly people. Do we know them, my little bug?" _

_ Leroy chased Noah and Santana around their Manhattan Brown Stone. "I'm going to get you. Where are you?" _

_ Santana screeched with laughter. Noah exploded with screams of joy. Shelby shook her head. Yes, she needed to be apart of this world a little more before she realized who she had become, before she became that woman. _

_ "Come on, Mom!" Noah said. _

_ "Yeah, you have to protect Rachel from the Daddy monster," Santana said as she ran around the corner. _

_ "Mom! Let's go!" Noah yelled again looping again through the kitchen. _

_ "Come on, Rachel," Shelby said bouncing the baby on her hip. "Let's get 'em." _

Shelby awoke with a start. That had been a moment that she had always wanted to preserve. It was a moment that she knew even as she lived it that she didn't want to let go. She realized eventually though, she had to. Leroy loved her and she loved him. However, he didn't love her like a husband could love a wife. After long talks and respectful goodbyes they were left with three beautiful children and a friendship, but not love. At one point, she thought that was the worst thing that could happen to her. She learned how wrong she was.

She rolled over to check her clock. She looked up when she didn't see the clock looking back at her. Her clock always sat to the left of her bed. She sat up and felt a weight on her side. She opened her eyes. She was in Santana's room. She looked next to her and saw a sleeping Santana. The rest of the evening came running back to her. She had checked on Rachel and Santana and both of them had fallen asleep. She had carefully walked the sleep ridden Santana back to her room. Apparently, she herself had fallen asleep with Santana. She had been caught up in a memory that eased her into sleep.

Shelby re-tucked Santana in. She peeked into Puck's room. He was sprawled out on his mattress. Rachel was still lying still and peacefully in her bed. Finally Shelby opened Quinn's door. She wasn't surprised to find the blonde in the corner. She had hoped that the medicine would knock her out again. However, medicine couldn't ward off nightmares.

The blonde was curled up in the corner crying more softly than Shelby had heard a child cry.

"Quinn," she whispered approaching the girl.

"Go away," she whispered.

"I'm going to sit with you, okay?" Shelby sat next to the girl and wrapped her arm around her.

"I said go away," Quinn muttered weakly. To her surprise, the girl leaned into Shelby.

"Shhh," Shelby whispered to the heaving girl in her arms. "I'm right here. You're safe."

She leaned into the older woman and sobbed. Shelby rubbed her back.

"I-I-I-I never meant for things to happen this way," Quinn muttered.

"I know, sweetie. It's not your fault. None of this is your fault," Shelby soothingly whispered as she combed through Quinn's hair. She had wondered when the day and all of the events would hit the exhausted girl. Reality hit the hardest at night.

The girl continued to cry for what seemed like hours. Finally, Shelby felt her heaving subside. The girl allowed herself to remain relaxed in her arms.

"Thank you," Quinn whispered.

"Do you want to stay on the floor?"

"Yes, please," the blonde whispered in a vulnerable voice that Shelby had not heard from the girl.

"Alright," Shelby whispered as she reached out to the bed and grabbed a pillow from the bed.

Quinn looked up at her in the dark. "You don't need to…" she began.

"But I want to," Shelby whispered. "Close your eyes. You have morning practice."

Quinn sank into Shelby's arms pretending that she hadn't let her guard down. She would allow the coverage of the early morning cover her vulnerability and bury it in yesterday as if it didn't happen.

….

**Please review.**

* * *

><p>WittyNinja – Thank you for your kind review. I hope you like this chapter. Let me know what you think.<p>

Chickabilly – There will be many more meetings with Jackie. I am interested to see what you think. There is a lot coming up. Also, more will be revealed about rachel's past.

Bueller – You will find out later, but I've been dropping hints for a bit. Bigger ones will be dropped soon.

sweetdreamer94 - Thanks for the review! Can't wait for your next chapter

ArmyOfWuh - I hope this answered more questions about the kids' past. I know there are probably many more. Can't wait to see what you think.

Gleek1990 I hope you liked this chapter. Quinn will learn more about the Corcorans and they will also learn more about her.

carebearpasq – I'm glad you're enjoying it. Quinn and San have a long way to go.

OTHangels – I'm glad and honored that it made it onto one of your favorites. Thank you. Quinn and Rachel will have a special connection on a lot of different levels. No, they won't be romantic because Rachel is so young, but they will certainly continue to strengthen their bond.

w1cked – it is very sad and I'm glad that you caught it. I hope you like the update. Let me know what you think about the reveals. A lot happened.

NayaFan – Thank you! I'm so grateful that you're reading. I really appreciate it. Let me know what you think.

broadwaybound2016 – thank you so much for the humbling review. I'm sorry I brought you to tears though. I hope you like the update.

val-cb – Thank you for reviewing!  
>marinka4 – I hope you enjoyed the update. It will be a semi-slow reveal. Please let me know what you think.<p>

**I will try my best to reply to all of your reviews in the future. I know a lot more of you reviewed before. Thank you and I'm sorry for not posting a response. Please let me know what you think.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**Thank you for the reviews. **

**You all seemed to really like the last chapter. I hope this one doesn't disappoint. Don't worry. If you don't like this one, please let me know. I have already outlined chapter 10 and wrote some of chapter 11. Things will get crazy….. hold on tight. **

Twilight2892- Thank you for the review. It's important for Quinn to break down these barriers, but she's certainly going to put up a good fight.

NinjaGleek21 – I'm taking the fifth on that for the most part except, I'm impressed. I should have done a better job at writing it, or you're just that good.

NayaFan – Favorite chapter so far? What a compliment! Thank you! Quinn definitely needs Shelby, but I'll take her awhile to figure it out.

Queen Nan - ….. don't kill him…..yet…. but breathe. ….. it might be a bumpy ride.

Gleek1990 – We're definitely going to see more of Puck's past. He has a big story arch coming up soon and his past will be unavoidable. Rachel and Quinn will certainly have many more cute scenes to come, maybe not this chapter but very soon.

Broadwaybound2016 – Jumped for joy? I'm so happy that this little story brings you happiness thank you. It's an honor. I'll let you in on a secret, I like it when they baby Rachel too. It'll be a bit of slow reveal as Quinn finds out what Rachel went through, but she'll find out. Don't worry it'll be an ongoing theme. We'll find out soon how badly Rachel was hurt. Thank you for reading.

marinka4 – thank you for your support. I like your idea. I will try to weave it in.

val-cb – Thank you! on man you just set the bar…. I hope you like this chapter. Thank you for reading.

ajunebuga – Thank you. I loved your review. I'm glad that you appreciate the care and the effort I put into it. So much of this happens everyday. I'm grateful that you are able to enjoy it and I hope you continue to. The long term effects of child abuse really interests me, especially in my line of work. Thank you for your comments. I appreciate it.

w1cked – I hope your heart is able to rebuild itself. I'm sorry I make it melt each time, but I'm grateful that you enjoy it. Quinn and San do need each other but it'll take awhile for them to realize it. The road certainly is long, I hope you stay along from the ride.

OTHangels - Better and better? I hope you enjoy this chapter. You and many others keep setting the bar higher and higher. We have so much more to uncover and reveal. I hope you enjoy and stick around.

Mia – Thank you. I just write how my fingers tell me. I'm happy you enjoy the premise.

Jennifer0912 - I hope to finish changes too! It'll happen! I just needed to regather my thoughts and this was the product. I'm glad you found this story and I'm happy you're enjoying it.

TheTBone – I always look forward to your reviews. I'm sorry for making you cry. Rachel certain does have everyone wrapped around her finger. I hope that this chapter meets your standard and if not, I will make sure the next one does. The vulnerability Quinn showed at the end was so essential but only a tiny step. It'll be a long road. All these kids have a lot a head of them.

Chickabilly – nothing? Seriously? There must be something! Thank you. I love your reviews! Haha. Oh I'm glad you mentioned forced family togetherness….. there may be a family getaway in the future, which everyone will be THRILLED about. Oh Santana and Quinn as roommates will certainly be interesting if and when Shelby has to enforce it. Wicked Witch of the west in a bubble bath! That made me laugh. Thank you. It was necessary. There will be more breakdowns to come. It's a long road.

Amanda - Thank you for reading! I hope you like this chapter

Banjojd – thank you so much for your kind review. I love that you love the story so much. It means a lot.

Anon – thank you so much for your review. You will see more of when the kids went to first live with Shelby. It was a challenge for everyone.

Emma – thank you for review. The relationship with quinn and Rachel will surely develop. And Santana will certainly not enjoy it.

Ffi – thank you for review. I hope you enjoy the update.

* * *

><p>Santana opened her eyes and reached out next to her. The bed was empty. \ Where was Rachel? She then remembered her mother walked her back to her room. Where was her mother? She looked over at the clock. There was about thirty more minutes left before it was time to get up. Maybe she could have some time with Rachel. Rachel was the only one in the family who was a morning person.<p>

She went to use the bathroom first. As she finished and was washing her hands, curiosity got the best of her. She opened the adjoining door to Quinn's room.

She scowled in confusion and disapproval when she saw her mother asleep curled up with a sleeping Quinn like she usually did with Santana and Rachel. And they were on the floor. She frowned. This wasn't going to happen.

She went back into her room and slammed the door loudly. She shrunk back wanting to take it back. She grabbed her pillows and threw them across the room. She was breathing heavily in frustration. She needed to rein it in.

She went across the hallway to Rachel's room.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to wake her up, but the tiny girl was still tucked around the pillows as if Santana was still lying with her. She took a deep breath and crawled under the covers next to her sister.

Rachel shifted in her sleep and cracked open her eyes. "Hi, Sanny," she whispered. She scooted next to Santana and laid her arm over her.

"Hey bug," she whispered.

Santana felt herself instantly relax and sleep take over her again.

…

The door slammed shut causing Shelby to jump. She felt Quinn jump in her arms. The blond suddenly shot up. She avoided Shelby's eyes.

"Um… thanks… uh…," Quinn stood up and started toward the bathroom. "Um…. I … I need to get ready."

Shelby watched Quinn close herself in the bathroom. Sighing she walked down the hallway to Santana's room. She was the primary suspect to the door slamming. She wasn't surprised to find her pillows tossed and her bed empty. She turned and opened Rachel's bedroom door and saw her youngest curled up in Santana's arms. She sighed and decided she would talk to her later. So another day begins.

…

An hour later, Puck wandered into the kitchen searching for something to eat. Rachel was on the counter trying to reach a glass. He set her on the ground and gave her the glass.

"We got you a stool for a reason, munchkin," he said as he opened the fridge.

Santana came into the kitchen as she tightened her ponytail.

"Have you seen my letterman jacket?" she asked.

"It's in the closet under the stairs," Rachel said as she poured herself some soymilk.

"Why?" Santana asked with a frown.

"Because that's where your jackets are supposed to hang," Shelby said as she entered the kitchen with Quinn behind her.

Santana turned and rested her arms on the counter and glared at Quinn. She was sporting the same uniform. She hated that they were on the same team. She hated that she was the captain, but most of all she hated that she was still in her house. And now she was taking her mother. The blonde locked eyes with her and glared back.

"Quinn," Shelby asked attempting not to see the tension she was trying to break. The blonde looked at her. "Would you like a shake or some toast?" She knew the girl didn't feel well and she wasn't saying anything. She would talk to her later about the appointment that she scheduled. The cuts looked worse this morning.

"Toast," Quinn said with a mumble not breaking her glare with Santana.

"Sleep well, princess?" Santana asked with a smirk. "Was the bed comfortable?"

She felt a hit in the arm. She looked over with frustration and Rachel was looking at her with disapproval. She rolled her eyes slightly. She was about to think about apologizing when her mother spoke.

"Santana, a word," Shelby said in a voice that meant that she meant business but also maintained the causal air.

The brunette climbed off of the stool and followed her mother into the living room. Her mother turned and looked at her. She knew that she was searching for her words and that she was frustrated. She looked at her daughter and said carefully.

"Leave Quinn alone, Santana. Do you want her to know that you still sleep with Rachel?" Santana's face fell. Shelby continued. "Then don't antagonize her for needing someone to stay with her. I know you might be jealous and –''

"I'm not," she hissed. She faltered and deflated slightly.

"Either way, Santana," Shelby said folding her arms. "If I hear that something happened at school today, don't ever expect to go to another party, another game or over to Brittany's for the rest of season. Your choice."

Shelby left her eldest daughter with her look of indignation and returned to the kitchen.

"Are you okay?" she heard Rachel ask. "You don't look very well."

Shelby looked at Quinn when she re-entered. Her face was flushed and her demeanor as a whole was rather deflated.

"Quinn," Shelby started.

She put up her hands as Santana returned to the room. "I'm fine," she said.

"Let's go," Santana said from the door as she pulled on her jacket that she grabbed from the closet. "We're going to be late for morning practice."

"Are we still having our coffee date?" Rachel asked Shelby as they all were ushered out to the Range Rover.

"I'm going to have coffee, you can have decaf tea," her mother corrected as Rachel climbed into the back.

….

Quinn shoved her things into her locker. She had been able to avoid Shelby for most of the morning at the Corcorans. The woman drove them all to McKinley for the early morning practice. Rachel was able to go out and grab coffee and a bagel with her mother before school instead of hanging out at the school. Quinn was simply eager to escape. She didn't want to be a part of it at all.

"Hey," a voice greeted interrupting her thoughts.

She looked up and Brittany was standing next to her locker. She expected Santana to be there to, but she couldn't see her. She had just seen her when they climbed out of Shelby's Range Rover. She didn't want to deal with Santana quite yet. She had been too mortified by her childish behavior the previous evening. Although a realistic voice in the back of her head told her that Shelby wouldn't tell. She had a paranoid feeling that Santana knew anyway.

"Earth to Quinn," Brittany said again.

"Where's Santana?" Quinn asked slamming her locker and heading toward the locker room.

She felt a hand on her arm pulling her back.

"Hey, don't do that," Brittany said. "You're my friend too, Quinn."

"Sorry," she mumbled. "I'm just …." She looked around her at the empty hallway. "I'm just tired."

Brittany nodded. "You and I need to hang out. Maybe like we used to?"

"I'm grounded." Quinn shook her head. "Name the last time we've hung out."

"Well, I can't, so that's why we should," the other blonde said in a matter of fact voice. "You're my friend, Q. And I'm here for you. At least to distract you." She sighed. "I know Santana can be a little much and you two don't get along very well, but just give her a chance."

"I'm not giving her chances," Quinn said carefully and quietly. "I'm just going to survive living with them."

She began to storm away from Brittany.

Brittany sighed. "If you need a break, you can come and sleepover at my house."

She stopped in mid stride. She slowly turned back around and looked at her friend that she spent most of her childhood hiding secrets from.

"What would Santana do? Aren't you guys a thing? Wouldn't she be jealous?" Quinn asked with trepidation.

"Why would she be mad?" the other blonde asked. "We're friends."

"Don't pull that with me. You're more than that and the entire school knows."

Quinn was trying to pick a fight with her. She was being aggressive and trying to make a point. She wasn't going to be someone's sympathy game.

"Quinn," Brittany said stepping closer to her. "You're not this mean person. I know you pretend to be, but you're not, so stop." She sighed. "Listen, I know that… Before when you were in trouble and I'm still here for you…."

Her gaze shot up. "I'm not in that kind of trouble." She gave a heavy sigh and closed her locker. "I'm tired, Britt. Please, just leave me alone." She saw Brittany's hurt look. "Come on," she said with a forced smile. "We have a practice to run."

…

Kurt spotted Rachel getting ready for class. She had a to-go cup of tea in her hand.

"Rachel!" he called out to her.

She smiled and reached into her locker. "I brought one for you. Ginger-mint." She held out a hot to-go cup of tea to the boy.

He nodded and smiled.

"Don't think this means that I forgive you for ditching me without notice yesterday," Kurt said with a tilt of his head.

"What?" she asked confused.

She was rummaging through things in her locker and she stopped at the accusation. He looked at her in disbelief.

"Rachel, I can't believe you didn't come to the lesson yesterday."

Rachel rolled her eyes. Was that really what he was upset about? She returned to her locker. She couldn't get Quinn off her mind. She looked so sick. "I'm sorry, I was sick."

"Mr. Schuester couldn't stop asking about you." Kurt took a sip of his tea and rolled his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked as they walked down the hallway.

"Well, not all of us come from Broadway legends. He couldn't stop referencing your technique which of course, genetically is your mother's technique and how I need emulate it," Kurt said with an air.

"I'm sorry," she said with a shrug, unsure if an apology was what was needed.

"I don't know if I want to be a part of a Corcoran fan club. I just want voice lessons," he said with a sigh.

She put her hand on his arm. "And we'll get them. Come on it can't be that bad."

He raised his eyebrows. "It was bad," he said. "Trust me."

"Well, we'll go today. It won't be bad today."

They stopped at his locker. As he gathered his books he noticed the tiny brunette was silent.

"It's not that big of a deal," he said as he attempted to recover from his attitude before. "I'm sorry."

"It's not that," she said as she chewed her lip. "I need to tell you a secret."

She shook her head with a smile as he immediately perked up.

"Yeah?"

…

Santana slammed her Cheerios locker shut. She wasn't going to admit it but Quinn ran a decent practice. She glared over at her. And she was looking worse by the second. She shook her head. She wasn't going to think about that.

"Hey."

She grinned. "Hey, Brit."

"That wasn't that bad," Brittany said as they walked out of the locker room.

Santana nodded and followed the blonde, leaving her worries about Quinn Fabray behind.

"So Quinn," Brittany began. Santana deflated, or at least she thought she was leaving her behind.

"What about her?" she asked heavily.

"She alright?" Brittany asked.

"I really don't want to talk about her, Britts," Santana said as she opened her locker. She met Brittany's gaze. It was curious and wanting. "She's alright. Why do you want to know anyway?"

"Because I'm worried about her," Brittany said. She saw Santana's frustration. "I worry about you too."

Santana frowned. "Why?"

"Because I care about you," Brittany said with a smile.

Santana dropped her books in her arms. "What?" she asked and she started to collect them.

She didn't read Brittany's look because she quickly collected her books.

"You're my best friend and …. Yeah," the blonde smiled.

Santana gave a nervous smile. "Yeah."

"You're a good friend, San, and a good sister, but you seem to only let one friend see that," Brittany said nudging her shoulder. "Quinn isn't all bad."

"She's pretty bad though," she said with a sigh. "I'm sharing a bathroom with her. She's taking my mom."

Brittany arched her eyebrow at her. "Taking your mom?"

"Never mind," she said. "I just….I'm having a hard time getting used to it."

Brittany put her hand on Santana's, causing the brunette to get a warm chill run through her.

"I know. And we'll get through it," Brittany said. Santana smiled. "We're all friends' right?"

Santana let her smile fade. Yeah, she thought. Friends.

….

Quinn sighed. Practice was over. Now she just needed to hide. She just needed to …. She rounded the corner and she immediately frowned. She didn't want to hide. Or, she reconsidered, throw something at someone. The person she spotted when she rounded the corner made her want to throw something.

"Finn," she said with a sigh.

"What's your deal?" he asked leaned aggressively up against the locker next to hers.

She opened her locker and rolled her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"I saw you this morning," he said with a sneer.

She rolled her eyes again and wondered what she ever saw in him. Oh right, he was the quarterback. Popular by association.

She grabbed her books and slammed her locker shut.

"Saw me what, Finn? Running my practice?"

"No!" He said throwing his hands in the air. "Getting out of Puck's Range Rover."

She thought back to the morning. She had ridden shotgun and Puck was behind the driver's seat. It probably looked like he was driving, or at least to an idiot like Finn. She rethought, especially to an idiot like Finn, because Shelby drove off after that. She sighed. She wasn't going to deal with this.

"It's none of your business, Finn, especially not anymore," she said walking past him.

"Hey," he said chasing after her. "It is my business."

"It's really not, Finn," she said turning to face him. "Get over it."

She started to walk away from him.

"Just because you're a whore, doesn't mean that you were any less my girlfriend," he called out to her.

She stopped mid-step and turned to face him.

"Just because you are the weakest man I know, doesn't mean that you ever were or ever will be anyone that I'll care about," she sneered. "Leave me alone, Finn."

She continued down the hallway with dignity and stoic grace until she heard him storm in the other direction and she turned the corner. She wasn't going to lose her cool, even though it felt like she had lost everything else.

…..

Santana watched Quinn and Finn fight from the far end of the hallway. She didn't care. She didn't. She didn't care.

"Miss Corcoran?" she heard someone call behind her. She turned and then immediately frowned. She attempted to recover.

"Mr. Schuester," she said tilting her head.

"I know you're uncomfortable with me hanging out with your little sister," he said casually.

She squinted her eyes and nodded her head up. Crossing her hands over her books in her chest she said, "I really don't think you do."

He put his hands up in surrender. "You're right," he said. "I'm sorry. I really don't know what you have all been through."

The way that he said that didn't make Santana feel any better. While he said it was a casually, she heard it as a threat. She continued to stare at him. She heard Rachel in her head begging for her to trust her. She sighed.

"Well, my sister likes you, so don't you dare mess with her," Santana said fiercely. She made an effort to calm down when she realized she was threatening a teacher. Oops.

"I know you're all overprotective, I mean, protective of her," he said. "Why don't you come to rehearsal? I know you don't have Cheerios this afternoon." He saw her accusatory look. "Sue announced it in teacher's lounge. Everyone has to know what you Cheerios are up to. Stop by. You're always welcome." He sighed. "Though, I know Rachel wants to feel more independent, but if it eases your anxiety stop by."

He started to walk away. Her mouth was open in disgust. What had just happened. She frowned.

"I'll be there," she finally said.

He turned around and continued to walk backwards. He smiled. "Can't wait!"

…

Puck was leaning against a locker grinning at a junior girl. They were talking casually about something and he was thinking about kissing her. And then he heard it.

"—Whore, doesn't mean that you were any less my girlfriend."

He looked up with a frown. The girl he was still talking to, or more specifically was still talking to him, continued to stroke his arm. However, he wasn't focused on that. He watched as Quinn turned the corner. He looked down at the girl and stroked her cheek.

"Call me," she said handing him her number.

"Sure," he said with a smile. "Gotta go."

He hardened his look as he followed Finn down the hallway.

"Hey, man, what was that about?" he asked.

"Dude, listen, you get a lot of ass in this school, but I would think you would go after someone less loose than Fabray," Finn spat.

"I'm warning you, buddy," Puck said curling his fists. Quinn and he might have a very confusing relationship, but no one called her that. No one said those things.

Finn shook his head and sighed. "Oh my god! You are sleeping with her!"

"I'm not," he said calmly.

"Oh, give me a break Puck. You're the biggest man whore I know and she's –''

Finn never finished his sentence. Puck slammed his fist into the side of his face. "I warned you," he said shaking off his fist.

Finn slammed with force against the lockers.

"Jesus, Corcoran," he screamed. "You and your slut sister and your slut girlfriend think –''

The hallway echoed with the slams of Pucks fists against Finn's face. After two punches to each side and Finn screaming in agony, Puck stopped. He stood up.

"Don't talk about them like that," he said. "It's rude."

"Corcoran!" Principal Figgins yelled. "Hudson-Hummel! My office! Now!"

….

After second period, Quinn could barely keep her eyes open. Her body ached. She was hot and she was cold. Wasn't menopause supposed to hit later? She pushed open the door to the locker room. She had a free period and then it was lunch. She just needed to sleep. She spotted a wooden bench in the back of the locker room and she relaxed. Finally, she thought to herself. Quiet.

Her body was aching. She would just sleep here until fifth period and then she would be golden. She needed to be in a place where people weren't trying to rule her life. She just needed to escape. She laid on her stomach on the wooden bench. She just needed to escape, she thought once more as her eyes closed.

…

"So he hit a fellow student?" Shelby asked gaping at her son. She couldn't believe that they were in the principal's office again.

"Not only a fellow student, Mrs. Corcoran, a teammate," Principle Figgins said with disapproval. "Your son is supposed to be leading our team to victory not beating up his fellow team members."

"Noah, what caused this?" Shelby asked watched her son stare angrily at the ground.

He didn't look up for a few beats. Finally, he did. Shelby saw something in his eyes and she wasn't sure how she felt about it being there.

"He called Quinn a whore and slut. And then he called Santana a slut," the boy said icily. "I don't really love having Quinn in the house, but no one should be called that."

Shelby watched her son for a few more moments before looking back at the principal. "It sounds like he was standing up for his sister and Quinn. I am eager to hear how you plan on punishing him for defending the honor of these two girls."

Principal Figgins sighed. He could never seem to win with this woman, because she had an annoying tendency of being right.

"We do not allow violence, Mrs. Corcoran," he began.

"I understand that, but are you allowing the disgrace of other women?"

The conversation continued in circle and ended with Noah only being forced to serve extra detentions at a later date. However, Shelby assured Figgins that Noah wouldn't start his detentions that week. Figgins didn't really have much choice in the matter. Other than that Noah had to be suspended per the district rules against violence. However, his suspension, thanks again to Shelby's hot, fiery words would only last the remainder of the school day.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened?" Shelby asked as they walked out to the Range Rover.

"He was being a dick," Puck shrugged. "So, I shut him up."

"Noah, I really disapprove of violence," she said as they climbed in the car. "You know that, but I'm glad you stuck up for Quinn."

"And San," Noah corrected. "I mean…. Quinn's …. I don't know if we're friends but I respect her. She's practically my sister now, and I'm not going to put up with Finn's crap. I hate the way he treats girls. It's just…. It's crap."

"Very descriptive dear," Shelby said with a sigh. "If there's another incident like this, Noah, I'll have to ground you. Your birthday's coming up next week. I would rather it not be one that you have to experience grounded."

"I know, Mom. I'm sorry," he said looking out the window. "It sucks you know?"

"What does?" Shelby asked.

"That I can fight back now," he said quietly.

She gave a heavy sigh. "I know," she whispered. "I know."

….

"Hey."

Quinn jumped awake. She yelped when she saw the clock on the wall. It was 2:45pm. She had slept through the rest of the school day.

"Oh my god!" she said scrambling to her feet. ''

"Calm yourself, Fabray," Sue Sylvester said from behind her. "I covered for you. Your teachers thought you were meeting with me."

"Why did you do that?" Quinn asked still flustered. She shakily re-did her ponytail.

She was not feeling better. Not at all.

"Because you're my captain," Sue said. Her gaze softened. "You need to rest, Quinn. You look like death."

"Well, I feel like it," she spat back. "I'm sorry."

"Don't sweat it," Sue said. She shrugged. "Next time you decide to camp out in the locker room. Let me know. Make sure to bleach down that bench. I could hear you snoring from my office."

Sue disappeared into her office. Quinn sighed. What was this day?

…

Kurt and Rachel walked up the hill to the high school. Rachel watched her best friend careful. He had the same face on since she had told him.

"What are you thinking?" she asked finally.

"First of all, where did you get all of those tootsie pops?" he asked with a sly grin.

Rachel laughed. "My mom bought them for me to give to the class…. I guess I didn't use them wisely," she smiled. It faded. "Do you think Miss Jenkins will call her? About what I did I mean."

Kurt tilted his head. "Probably. Are you going to be in trouble? Will you be able to come to voice?"

"Calm down," Rachel said. "I'll let you know."

Silence fell on them again.

"So…." Kurt finally began. "Quinn's living with you."

"Yeah," she nodded.

"But you can't tell me why?" he asked.

"Nope," she said as they entered the school.

"But the secret was that she's living with you?"

"Yup," Rachel said. "What's your point?"

"I don't know," he muttered. "I'm still thinking about it."

"Hi, Mr. Schuester," Rachel smiled as they entered the choir room. She frowned when she saw Santana at the doorway. "What are you doing here?"

"Watchin'," Santana said casually.

"Why?" Rachel frowned.

"Because I can," Santana said back.

"Let's get started, shall we?" Kurt asked trying to break the tension as he clapped his hands together.

Most of rehearsal was hellish. Rachel kept looking at Santana with annoyance. Santana kept stiffening every time Mr. Will Schuester smiled or congratulated Rachel. She swore that he caught her look each time and was only congratulating Kurt for that reason, but she wasn't sure. She sighed. It was all just exhausting. Rachel's heart fell when Quinn wandered into the room. She didn't need more of an audience. Mr. Schuester must think so little of her, she thought.

Barely halfway through, Santana announced that they were leaving.

"Our mom's outside," she practically hissed at Mr. Schuester, much to Rachel's embarrassment.

"Santana!" Rachel said mortified.

"Sorry," Santana sneered at the teacher as she led Rachel out the door. Quinn followed quietly. Kurt ran after her.

"Rachel?" Kurt asked. He looked at her with confusion.

"We can give you a ride home, Kurt," Rachel said, jabbing Santana in the ribs when she started to hear a protest.

Santana looked over at Quinn as Rachel pulled on her backpack. "Do you have the plague or something?"

"Kurt, you ready?" a new voice asked.

The girls turned and scowled at Finn. Santana's face relaxed and she raised her eyebrows with a smirk.

"What happened to your face?" Santana asked. "I mean other than the obvious."

"Shut up, Satan!" Finn hissed.

"Don't talk to my sister like that!" Rachel barked walking toward the giant.

"Hey now," Santana said as she halted the tiny brunette by grabbing her backpack. "Let me worry about, piss-pants limp dick."

"Let's just go," Quinn muttered as she brushed past Finn ignoring his sneer.

The three of them walked silently down the hallway.

"Rachel, I don't know about this show choir stuff. You don't want to be a super-freak," Santana said as she lead her down the hallway. "I know you love music, but you need to find a more …. Socially responsible activity."

Rachel looked up at her sister and then over at Quinn. The blonde shrugged. "Like what?"

They all neared the car. Shelby climbed out of the driver's seat when she spotted them. Puck got out of the front seat and leaned against the car.

"Rachel!" Shelby said walking up to the girls with giant strides. "I just got a message from your teacher."

The youngest Corcoran grimaced. "Yes?" she asked attempted not to cower.

"So you did it?" Shelby asked with a mixture of disbelief and shock.

Rachel nodded and looked at the ground.

"Why?" Shelby asked ignoring the confused looks of the rest of the children.

The tiny brunette shrugged. "She was rather rude and terribly mean to me."

"Who was?" Santana asked with a frown.

"Jeanie Marks," Rachel said.

"That does not merit what you did, Rachel. Your behavior was very inappropriate and scarily thought out and executed," Shelby said with a shake of her head.

"What did you do?" Puck asked in interest. He seemed to radiate with pride already.

The three old siblings looked at her with interest.

Rachel looked at her feet. "Well,…. Like I said she was mean…. And …. She told me that I …. Looked like a munchkin from the lollipop guild….. so I ….. licked twenty-three tootsie pops, one for every classmate of mine…. And ….. stuck them in her backpack….. It was somewhat of a sticky mess…"

Quinn snorted in order to contain her laugh. Santana didn't even try to. Puck looked at his sister with pride.

"Do not laugh," Shelby said trying to conceal her own smirk. "That was a bad move, Rach. You're grounded for a week."

Santana watched with amusement as Rachel gave a satisfied smile. "You're not supposed to want to be grounded," she whispered in her ear."

"I don't like doing my homework alone," Rachel whispered back with a smile.

…

Quinn sat quickly on the exam table. When Shelby told her that they all had to go back to the doctors, she had not been happy. Santana has especially not been happy when they were told they had to wait at yet another doctor's office. They were all waiting outside her door. Quinn saw the doctor speaking quietly to Shelby. This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all.

Finally they turned to look at her.

"The infection got worse, Quinn," the doctor told her.

"Great," Quinn sighed. "Is that why I feel like death?"

The doctor gave a slight grin. "Yes," she continued more solemnly. "We're going to treat it but we're going to have to do a simple surgery. We can get you in later tonight and –''

"No way," she barked. "I'm not doing that."

"You don't really have a choice, Quinn," Shelby said nearing the girl.

"This is ridiculous! Just give me some medicine and be done with it," Quinn said rather frantically.

"I'm afraid it's not that easy. Your skin has grown over the infection. We need to me more aggressive. We need to remove it and then give you some strong antibiotics through an IV." The doctor looked at her casually.

"No, I'm not doing this," she muttered.

Shelby exchanged looks with the doctor. "I'll write out what needs to be done."

Quinn watched as the doctor left the room.

"I haven't been to the doctors this much in my life," Quinn said with a sigh as Shelby helped her get dressed.

"Well it's the first time for everything," Shelby said leading her out to the hallway.

**This really isn't the best chapter. I was going to end it differently but this seemed like a better place.  
><strong>


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

**A/N: Thanks for everyone who reviewed. They really make my day. I really appreciate every word and commentary you're able to offer. I'm sorry for the typos. I wanted to get this up. Hopefully the next update will be Monday or Tuesday. **

* * *

><p>This Range Rover was more cramped than ever. Quinn was sure of it. She was squished into the window. She sighed. Maybe, she wouldn't be as squished if she hadn't scooted as far as she could from Rachel in the middle seat. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to go to the hospital. God, she didn't want to do any of it.<p>

"Are you alright?" Rachel asked quietly.

Quinn looked up and realized that the car had stopped and no one was left in the car besides Rachel and herself.

"I'm fine," she said with a weak smile.

Quinn folded her arms across her chest and tried her best to maintain her composure as she made her way into the hospital. She was shutting everyone out and most importantly their looks. She didn't need their sympathy.

They walked through the automatic doors. She followed aimlessly through passage ways. Shelby was asking directions. She suddenly felt a hand on her uniform. She glared next to her and saw that Rachel was clinging to the side of her skirt. Her face softened. Rachel was looked around with a frown. The blonde guessed that the tiny brunette didn't even notice that she reached out to cling because she was too busy scanning the hallway and its inhabitants in front of her. Quinn opened her mouth to say something, but Santana wrapped her arms around Rachel's shoulders and as she shot Quinn a look, she walked with Rachel a few steps in front of them. Quinn wasn't sure that the look meant.

Finally, they arrived.

"Quinn Fabray is here to check-in," Shelby said to the nurse at the counter.

"Absolutely. Please fill out this paper work."

Quinn looked around. She didn't want to be here and she didn't want anyone to be here because of her. She sounded like a broken record.

"Quinn." She looked up at her name being called. She deflated. This couldn't be happening. "Hey Quinnie," Dr. Pierce smiled. "Your doctor told me you were coming in. We'll get you out of here in no time."

The young blonde looked over her shoulder to make sure that the other three were out of earshot. They were all sitting quietly in the waiting area. She didn't seem to notice their anxiety ridden faces.

"You know?" she asked with a tired whimper.

He gave a small nod. "I do, pumpkin. You know your father and I didn't get a long very well." His voice surprisingly wasn't coated in sympathy but instead was subtle with understanding.

Quinn shook her head with a tearful nod. She looked down at her feet. "But he liked you. Always did."

"He liked what I did, Quinn, not who I am," Dr. Pierce said with a smile. "And who I am is the best surgeon here. So let's do this."

"It's really not necessary, Dr. Pierce," Quinn tried again. "I would prefer just to sleep."

"Sleep isn't going to make this go away," Shelby said gently.

"Let's get you admitted," Dr. Pierce said.

Shelby turned to Santana and Puck. "Stay here, alright?" She pointed down the hallway. "I'll be right back."

Rachel stood up and went to her mother. "Can I come?"

Shelby poked Rachel on the nose. "No, bug, stay here please. Keep Sanny, company. You know how much she hates hospitals." She saw a look of muted panic settle on her face. She leaned down and kissed her daughter on her forehead. "You're alright."

Shelby walked the silent blonde down the hallway. She watched with a worried frown as the soft eyes of the girl began to become more weary.

Quinn looked at the gown folded on the bed. She couldn't do this. She wasn't going to.

"Quinn," Dr. Pierce said. "We need to take a look at what this looks like and what I have to do." He saw Quinn's look of hesitation. "I promise you I will look at it and see if you really do need surgery." He sighed. "Listen, I know that things have really sucked lately. Actually, I don't know. I can only imagine. But you trust me, right Quinn? I wouldn't steer you wrong."

Quinn bit her lip and gave a nod. Dr. Pierce cast one more glance at Shelby and he lifted Quinn's top. He frowned slightly as he examined the girl's back. He looked over silently at Shelby and nodded.

…..

Santana watched with her arms folded and her legs crossed as she stared down the hallway. She wondered how long she was going to be here. She kept having to remind her frown to return to her face each time curiosity about Quinn's situation surfaced in her mind. She was supposed to not stand her. However, she was starting to forget about why that was.

"I'm hungry," Rachel said quietly. "Do you have any money?"

Santana looked at her. She shook her head with a smile. "I doubt that anything in the vending machines are vegan."

"Candy is," Rachel said with a smile.

"Rachel," Santana said rolling her eyes.

"Do you have any money?" Rachel asked again.

"No, but you know what?" She stood up. "I'll go ask."

Santana walked carefully down the hallway to where she saw her mother and Quinn disappear down. She saw a handful of doors. She wasn't sure which door Quinn and her mother were behind until she heard Quinn's voice.

"I'm not doing this!" She heard the blond scream.

She jumped at a crash inside the room.

A nurse walked out of the room leaving the room slightly ajar. Santana looked carefully through the crack. Quinn was sitting with her back facing the door. Her Cheerios Uniform top was pulled up. Another nurse and Shelby were trying to calm her. Shelby was stroking her hair and trying to calm her. Santana spotted the tray that Quinn had knocked over on the floor.

"Sweetheart, we just have to take your vitals," the nurse said gently.

"I'm not doing this!" Quinn yelled. "Please. Please," she whispered. Santana could hear the tears in her voice. She was looking at Shelby. "I'll be good I swear. Just let me go please. Please let me go home." She didn't need to imagine the pleading in Quinn's tearful eyes. She could hear it.

It was at that moment that Santana noticed through the open door that she saw Quinn's back because her top was still pulled up. Santana froze as her breath caught in her throat.

….

_The ambulance doors flew open and brought in a great light. Even from where she was lying on the gurney on her stomach, she knew that there was a change. She wasn't in the dimly lit cabin of the ambulance. She wasn't moaning in pain with every bump in the road. She had been so grateful to get out of that house and that room, but she hadn't seen if they got to Rachel. Being out of the ambulance was one more step closer to finding her. _

_She breathed shallowly into the mask that the EMT was holding for her. Doctors and nurses bustled around her. She couldn't concentrate on anything. She couldn't remember how long she had gotten the belt. She barely remembered when her arm felt like it was being cracked in two. All she wanted was to make sure they got her sister. Where was she? She couldn't hear her. Why couldn't she hear her? _

_ "What do we have here?" she heard a doctor ask over her. _

_ "Eight year old female. Brutal beating with what looks like a belt and her arm is broken in at least two places….." Their voices faded into the background. _

_ She blinked through her body's pain. Santana, get up, she told herself. She pushed herself up on the table with her one strong arm. _

_ "Whoa, there," she heard a doctor say. She saw a young female doctor sit next to her where she could see her. "What's your name?" the doctor asked. _

_ Santana frowned. "Where's my—Where's my sister?" she rasped as she pushed breathing mask aside. _

_ "She's coming in behind you," the doctor said looking up to the other attendings who were examining Santana's wounds. _

_ The girl winced at the contact to her back. "I need," she swallowed back some tears. "I need to see… I need to see her. She wasn't awake when I …. When I saw her." Santana felt her body start to heave as the memories flashed back to her from just hours before. "I need to make sure she's okay. P-p-please." _

_ "You need to be okay," the young doctor said. "You can't help her unless you're okay." _

_ "I don't care," Santana said icily. "She's …. " she winced in pain again. "She's not even three years old yet. She's going to be in a few weeks." Santana wiped her tears. "I need to see her." _

_ The doors of the ER flew open and a group of doctors huddled around another gurney rushed pasted them. _

_ "Two year old female. Unconscious at the scene. Extensive damage…. It's bad," the EMT informed. _

_ "We can see that," a doctor said in frustration as they ran past Santana's gurney. "Someone get me a damn trauma kit!" _

_ A doctor moved away from the new gurney thereby opening up a view shot of the child on the stretcher. Santana lifted her head to look. The tiny body was lying on her back. She could barely see her bruised, tear stained face. However, the tiny limp hand that lay next to the unmoving body was still gripping the beaded bracelet that Santana had given her. She knew immediately who it was. "Rachel," she whispered. _

_ "You need to lay down, sweetheart," the young doctor said. "What's her name?" she asked frantically. "Do we have any information?" _

_ "These are two of the missing Corcoran kids." An older doctor approached Santana blocking her view of Rachel. "Santana? You're all right. We're going to take good care of you." _

_ She couldn't see Rachel anymore. "Fuck off!" Santana barked. She didn't really understand the weight of her insult but she knew Hiram would yell it to them all the time. She pushed herself up. She needed to get to Rachel. _

_ "What is she doing?" an attending asked. "Get her back on the gurney!" _

_ Santana pushed the others off her and walked with a slight limp as fast as she could toward Rachel. Suddenly, there was someone else in her way. _

_ "Come here, kiddo," a male nurse said trying to pick the eight-year-old girl up. _

_ "Don't touch me!" she screamed kicking him in the kneecaps. She felt another arm around her and she began to thrash and scream despite the pain that jolted through her body. "She needs me! Let me go!" She was screaming so much she didn't even feel the needle go into her arm and then blackness took over. _

Santana returned to the present with jolt. There were at least six lash marks on her back. Santana was all too familiar with those. She noticed that one was clearly infected. Probably the reason why they were here. The blonde was thrashing about. She was not the head bitch that people knew. For the first time, Santana allowed herself to see the scared little girl, the scared little girl that Santana still felt like she was at times.

"Let me go!" Quinn screamed. "I want to go home."

The blonde tried to stand up. "I can't do this. Let me go!"

"Quinn, you need to be prepped for surgery," Shelby tried. "Please listen to me."

The woman cupped the girl's face. "This isn't an option, sweetheart. You're hurt and sick and we need to fix this. I get that you're scared but I will be here every step of the way."

Quinn paused for a moment locking her tear-rimmed eyes with Shelby. No, no, she told herself. She wasn't going to allow herself to need this. She pushed her away.

"Please let me leave," she said. "I'm not getting undressed! I'm not doing this! Just let me go!"

Quinn started to shove one of the nurses off her. Shelby went to intercept, but something, or someone stopped her. Someone beat her to it.

Santana wasn't sure what took over but something did. She walked into the room with giant strides and not hearing her mother's calls. She put her hand on Quinn's. The blonde stopped struggling more in surprise than in shock. Santana leaned close to Quinn's face.

"You need to calm down," Santana whispered in a tone that almost sounded gentle. "Listen, I get it. You don't want anyone's help but we both know you feel like shit so just let them help you. If you don't, they'll sedate you and take away that one ounce of control you have left. You have to calm down."

"Santana," Shelby's voice finally broke through Santana's barriers.

Quinn gave a weak nod as she identified something different in Santana's eyes, something familiar. She reprocessed her words. Realization hit her like a train. Santana had done this before.

"I want all of you to leave while I change," Quinn said as she looked at the women in the room.

Shelby nodded and she and Santana started to leave behind he nurses.

"Except Santana," Quinn said.

Santana looked at Quinn for a moment. She wasn't sure what she was getting herself into. Shelby looked between the two girls.

"We'll be outside. Quinn you have ten minutes," Shelby said.

The door clicked closed and Quinn stood up from the examining table. Santana took a step forward to help her.

"I'm fine," she said quickly. "I don't need your help."

"Then why did you want me to stay?" Santana fired back.

There was a moment of silence. Quinn started unfolding the gown.

"Turn around, sicko," she hissed.

Santana did. She wasn't sure what was happening. She stared desperately at the doorknob wanting to open it and not be in here. It was too much.

"If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you," Quinn said with familiar venom, but was unusually weak.

Santana shook her head. "I don't really want to advertise that you're my newest extra curricular, thank you very much."

Another silence blanketed them.

"When did they sedate you?" Quinn asked as she tied the back of her gown with a wince. "You can turn around now."

Santana turned around but didn't look at the girl. Quinn waited for her to answer her question. She was watched the brunette with new eyes. The familiarity was getting to be too much but her curiosity was almost too much.

A knock interrupted her thoughts.

"All set?" she heard Shelby ask from the other side.

"Yeah," Santana said looking up to meet Quinn's eyes. "She's all done."

She turned away and started for the door. Quinn gave up hope for an answer. She looked at her hands. Maybe she didn't see what she thought she saw in Santana's eyes.

"When Rachel and I were brought in." Santana's voice cut through the silence and brought the room to another still.

Quinn watched the girl look over her shoulder. She didn't meet her eyes but she looked in her general direction. "I was eight," Santana said quietly. "I just wanted…. I was trying to get to her…..And I kicked a male nurse in the kneecaps."

Quinn smirked and Santana met her eyes.

"I was a hazard to the staff," she said with a staff. She sighed. "Listen, I know you don't want to do this, but you have to get well or else it'll just get worse." She gave her a small grin. "So stop being stupid."

She turned and opened the door. Santana briefly met her mother's eyes.

"Santana?" Quinn called back from the bed. She turned. "This doesn't mean we're friends."

Santana scoffed. "You would have to pay me more money in the world to be your friend."

Quinn shook her head and watched as the brunette left the room and for a brief moment she didn't feel as alone. However, a nurse walked back in with an IV kit and she was back to being angry.

…..

Rachel watched as Santana disappear down the hallway. She felt an anxiety build in her chest.

"Where is she going?" she asked still watching the hallway.

"She just told you, Rach," Puck said not looking up from the magazine.

Rachel didn't respond. There was something about all hospitals that was the same. A gurney with people dressed in scrubs went rushing past her.

"Move! We need to get up to the ER," the doctor shouted.

She stepped out of the way and watched after them as the gurney disappeared. She felt a familiar burning in her chest. Was Quinn going to die? Where was Santana?

"Rach," he said from behind her.

She watched another team of doctors sprint past her.

"Rachel," Puck whispered in her ear. She turned and his six-foot frame was kneeling behind her. She looked at him with soft and young eyes. She was getting upset. This was too much for her. "Will you come and sit with me, bug? This place is whiggin' me out."

She bit her lip and nodded and followed him back to the chairs. She sat as close as she could to him. She rested her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beating as fast as hers. The smells of the hospitals were the same. The sounds were the same and they looked the same. She felt his arm that was wrapped around her back pull her into his lap.

"Noah," she began. She didn't want to be a baby.

"Please?" he whispered into her ear.

She gave a nod. She knew her tough brother would never admit it but he needed her just as much as she needed him. She rested the back of her head against his chest. She was still gazing down the hallway waiting for Santana.

"Is she with Quinn?" Rachel asked.

"Probably. Mom, too," Noah said as he rested his cheek against the side of her head.

"She can't be alone," she whispered looking down.

Puck felt an ache in his chest and he wrapped his arms around Rachel a little more tightly. He knew she wasn't talking about Santana anymore. "She won't, bug. I'll make sure she won't."

Another gurney ran by. Puck felt Rachel tense in his arms. He hissed the side of her head gently. He could feel her breath hitching in her chest. He needed to get her out of here. It was too much.

_ He walked next to Natalie into the elevator. He heart was beating so fast in his chest that he thought it would fall out._

_ "So do you want to tell me what Santana did?" Natalie asked casually as she pressed the elevator button. _

_ He looked up at the tall woman. He may be nine, actually almost ten. He wasn't going to rat out his sister even if it was her own fault that she was grounded from seeing Rachel. Noah shook his head. She shouldn't have thrown that chair. They both agreed that they hated the rules at the group home. However, Santana seemed to not care about them as well as hate them. She was breaking them left and right. And this visit, this was the only thing, besides time with Noah that they could take away from her so that she saw that the rules weren't just there for fun._

_ "Noah?" she asked seeing that the boy had become quiet. _

_ "Will I be able to hold her?" Puck asked quietly as the elevator dinged. _

_ "I think so, but you'll have to be very gentle," Natalie said. _

_ He looked up at her with indignant eyes. How could she think that he wouldn't?_

_ "I've never been anything but gentle with her," he said with a frown. "She's my baby sister." _

_ "I know, buddy," she said. "Your mom told me that, you know? I guess I just needed to hear it from you." _

_ He nodded, satisfied. He had made sure to be on his best behavior. Even when Luke O'Neal tried to push him at breakfast he didn't throw his cereal in his face. He was sneaky and spit in it instead. Either way, he made sure not to get caught. He needed to see Rachel. _

_ The hallway had animals everywhere. Noah scowled. He knew that this was the baby wing but why did everyone assume babies loved animals. They paused outside of a door. He glanced up at Natalie realizing something for the first time._

_ "Has she been alone this whole time?" he asked looking the woman in the eye._

_ She didn't respond right away. She was looking at him the same way that all of the other adults had been looking at him: Like they couldn't tell him the truth. _

_ He didn't wait for his answer. "You should have got me here sooner." _

_ He didn't wait for her. He opened the door in front of him. Rachel was laying in a large crib like hospital bed, except it had sides that weren't wooden like she had when she was little, they were metal. He reconsidered maybe they were a hard plastic. Her face was bruised. She had a black eye. She was wearing an ugly hospital gown that looked too big for her. She had a yellow pacifier in her mouth and she was clenching a beaded bracelet in one hand and a stuffed bear in another. _

_ There were so many machines hooked up to her. She had a weird thing on her finger. She had monitors beeping. There was an IV line. Noah hardened his face. She shouldn't be here. _

_ "She hasn't talked to anyone since she's been here. We're all really worried about her," he heard Natalie say behind her. He turned and looked at her. She was kneeling behind him. _

_ "She'll talk to me," he said. _

_ He walked over to the bed quietly. Rachel opened her eyes with a jump. She instinctively recoiled. _

_ "Bug, it's me," he whispered. _

_ She let go of her bear and looked up at him. Her eyes grew wide. With her free and bruised are she tried to sit up. _

_ "No, sweetie, you need to stay laying down," a nurse said. _

_ Noah put up his hand. "I got it." Without another word he climbed into the bed with her. He was a little taller and stockier than everyone in his class, but he would do anything for her and he knew that she needed him. He lay down next to her and let her crawl into his arms. _

_ "Her heart rate is going down. She's calming," a nurse said looking at the heart monitor. "She's been so on edge since she was brought in, but considering the circumstances…."_

_ The nurse trailed off when the boy glared at him. The boy returned his attention back to Rachel. She reached out and took his hand. _

_ "Do you wanna take your binkie out and talk to me, bug?" Noah asked gently. Rachel looked at Natalie and the nurse. "Don't worry about them. It's just me and you." _

_ Rachel took out the pacifier and moved close to her big brother. _

_ "Sanny?" she asked quietly. Her voice was rough from lack of use. _

_ "She's okay," he said with a smile. "She wanted to come today but she couldn't." _

_Her tired eyes searched his. "She's okay," he said again. _

_ "Sing the song?" she whispered into his ear. _

_ He hesitated. It hurt so much to sing that song now that his dad was gone. However, her big brown eyes made him reconsider. He pulled her gently into his arms and hummed softly in her ear. After a couple beats, he finally began singing. _

_ "Close your eyes and I'll miss you…." he whispered as sang the song softly in her ear. _

_ A silence fell over them. Rachel put her pacifier in and leaned back against him. She was trembling slightly but she felt safer and so did he. Natalie approached the bed and suggested that they watch a movie. She whispered into Noah's ear and told her that Rachel hadn't been eating. Two hours later, a movie had finished and he had convinced Rachel to eat half of the meal that they brought her. He had only growled lowly at a male nurse that had tried to take Rachel's vitals. Natalie looked at the boy immediately and shook her head with disapproval. Other than that things felt almost normal, besides the fact that they were in hospital and she was hurt. _

_She finally fell asleep gripping onto Noah. _

_ "Noah, it's time to head back," Natalie said. _

_He sat up quietly and he was careful not to wake her. With ease and gentleness, he climbed out of the bed. He started to walk away quietly but he stopped at the door. He turned back and looked at her. She looked so tiny and alone in that bed. He couldn't leave her like that. _

_ "I can't leave her. She'll wake up alone," he said. "I have to wake her up. I have to tell her." _

_ "Noah, I don't think—"_

_ He leaned close to her ear. "Bug, bug," he whispered. She stirred and with a jump, she opened her eyes. He brushed her hair away gently. "I have to leave." Tears began to pool in Rachel's eyes. _

_ "No," she cried around her pacifier. "No." She began to sob. _

_ "I'm so sorry, sweetie, but he has to go," Natalie said gently. "I'll try to bring him back tomorrow." _

_ "Can't I stay?" Noah asked holding onto the bars. She watched Rachel begin to hyperventilate._

_ A nurse came in. She removed her pacifier and put a breathing mask over her mouth. _

_ "I'm sorry, Noah," Natalie said. "Let's focus on her." _

_ He looked back at her tiny body. He didn't want to leave her. He couldn't, but he had to. _

_ "I'm here with you this whole time, bug. Deep breaths. I'm here " he whispered. "Be brave." He reached up and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you big." _

_ Rachel continued to cry as a nurse tried to calm her and Noah was led away. He wanted to struggle. He wanted to kick. He knew that would be what Santana would do, but he couldn't do that in front of Rachel. Instead he had to do the hurtful thing, he had to walk away from her. Natalie stopped at the elevators and they waited silently. The boy was staring at his feet. The elevator doors opened. _

_ "I should have gotten help sooner," he said as the elevator door closed. _

_ He didn't see Natalie looking down at him. "If I had she wouldn't be alone." _

…..

Puck was pulled out of his memory as Rachel's breaths hitched more in her chest. She could feel it in her back as it pressed against his own chest. While her tiny seventy pound frame barely cause him any disturbance, her heaving was becoming too stressed.

"Rach?" he muttered trying to get her attention. Rachel turned and leaned her side against him. She couldn't be here. She was starting to freak out, because she was starting to remember.

He gave a small sigh of relief when he spotted Santana and Shelby walking toward them.

…..

"What happened in there?" Shelby asked as she and Santana started back toward the waiting room.

"Nothing," Santana shrugged as she purposefully quickened her pace back to her brother and sister.

She was worried about her daughter. She was worried about Quinn. She was hoping they would get back to the waiting room before Rachel saw a gurney of some guy heading to surgery or she heard a heart monitor. She needed to feed three children and put them to bed, but she also need to put another child on a gurney for surgery. She took a deep breath as she coaxed herself. She needed pull it together and most importantly she needed a plan.

Shelby saw her youngest huddled into her eldest and she knew that they needed to get out of the hospital. It had been so long since everything had happened, but any hospital brought it all back. It always did. She spotted her daughter's chest beginning to heave.

"This looks like it's going to be awhile," Shelby said gently as Rachel stood from Puck's lap and leaned into Santana's side. Santana instinctively started stroked Rachel's long dark hair. "Go out and get some dinner. I'll text you." She looked down at Rachel. "Do you still have your inhaler in your backpack?"

Rachel nodded as she looked around Shelby down they hallway that they came.

"You should go back to Quinn," Rachel said quietly.

"We'll see ya, Mom," Santana said quietly taking Rachel's hand. She gave her mother a soft look. "Let's go, bug. If you're lucky I'll you pick the restaurant."

Santana started down the hallway with Rachel. Puck kissed his mother gently on the cheek and followed after them.

Shelby watched them until they disappeared on the elevator. She needed them just as much as they needed her. She started back down the hallway back to Quinn, hoping she could convince the girl to go into the surgery.

"Shelby," she heard her name behind her.

She turned and gave a smile. "Valerie," Shelby said with a smile. She reached her hand out to her daughter's best friend's mother. "What brings you here?"

"Just stopping by to give Tom his dinner," she said. She gave a small sigh. "I heard that Quinn is living with you now."

Shelby nodded. She wasn't sure that extent of the situation that her friend knew. She chose to honor Quinn's privacy.

"She and Brittany have been friends forever. Once the girls started high school she came over less frequently." Valerie Pierce shook her head. "I should have seen the signs…I should have…."

Shelby took her friend's hand. "We can bury ourselves in what we should have done. God, don't I know, but it doesn't help anyone."

"Is she in surgery?" asked the blonde haired woman.

"Not yet," Shelby said with a sigh. "She's putting up a fight. She's scared. And I don't blame her."

"You're doing a good thing, Shelby," Valerie said with a soft smile that told Shelby that as incredible as the woman was she was relieved that Shelby had taken in the girl. It relieved her of that burden. However, Shelby saw it different than Valerie. She was used to fighting for her children. To most people it seemed like heartache, and in a way it was, to Shelby it was a necessity. It didn't make Valerie a bad person. It was better in a way because in her line of work, Shelby saw people take kids on out of pity and their own need. It failed more often times than not.

"Thank you," she nodded. "She was over your house a lot growing up. What were the things she enjoyed?"

Valerie thought. "She was such an easy child. She was quiet and obedient and polite. She spent a great deal of time with Brittany's grandmother before she passed. They had a very special connection. I remember telling a very intoxicated Judy that it didn't matter what she thought that Quinn was going to the funeral." She shook her head again. "There were so many signs. I just didn't know it was that bad." She met Shelby's eyes. "She's a tough cookie. She means a lot to us and I can see that she means a lot to you. If I know her like I think I do, she'll calm when she realized you sent the other kids away. Rachel is looking so grown up by the way."

Shelby gave a proud smile. "I know. It's hard to believe, but she's still my little girl."

"She always will be," Valerie said with a grin. "I'll let you get back to Quinn. Send her my love."

Shelby nodded and started down the hallway. She opened Quinn's door. A nurse was at her side trying to find a vein to put her IV in and was clearly struggling.

"Ouch! Are you really looking for a vein or are you digging for clams?" Quinn barked.

"Quinn," Shelby scolded.

She saw the girl recoil. "I told you I don't want to be here," she said. "I bet Rachel wants to go home. Can't we leave?"

"I just sent the kids away for a bit," Shelby said.

"Why?" she asked as her face fell slightly.

"Because we'll be here for awhile," she responded quietly. "The longer you struggle the longer we'll be here." She caught Quinn's eye. "And I don't mind."

Quinn frowned. "Well, I do." she looked at the nurse. "Did you find it yet?"

She didn't want everyone to be waiting because she was being stupid. She started rethinking Rachel's clinging to her earlier. She hated hospitals just as much as Quinn, she inferred. She frowned. Santana had said she was eight years old when she and Rachel came in. That would make Rachel three right? Quinn bit her lip. She was scared in the hospital now. She couldn't imagine being three in the hospital.

"I don't want to do this," Quinn said looking Shelby in the eye.

"Quinn—"

"But I want to get out of here," she finished. "And I have a feeling that getting through this crap is the only way I can."

Shelby sighed and gave her a smile. "Thank you."

"I'm not doing it for you," she said glaring at the nurse again as she continued to dig around for a vein. "I'm not even doing It for myself. I ….." She looked away for a moment. "I'm doing it because Puck and Santana know nothing about vegan food. I mean who does? And …. You're her mom and I'm taking your time."

Shelby leaned down and kissed Quinn on the forehead making her jump in surprise.

"Thank you," she whispered. "You're not taking my time. I want to be here with you. The kids understand that."

"Doubt it," Quinn muttered.

"I guarantee it," she said.

It took about twenty more minutes but she finally was ready for surgery. Dr. Pierce came into the room.

"Alright, Quinn," he said gently. "We're going to take you in now. Soon you'll be back at Shelby's relaxing."

"It's not really relaxing," Quinn mumbled.

She looked anxiously around the room.

"I'll be here when you wake up, Quinn," Shelby said kissing her on the forehead again.

Quinn flinched away. She wasn't going to get close to this woman. She wasn't her mother. She rethought, not that her mother was ever a comforting type.

"We'll take care of her," Dr. Pierce told Shelby.

She watched as Quinn's gurney disappeared down the hallway and felt a familiar pang.

…_.._

_She stared aimlessly out the window of the waiting room. _

"_She's going to be fine, Shelby," Natalie assured. _

"_You don't know that," Shelby said not looking up from the window. She shook her head trying her best to hold in her angry tears. "What that bastard did to her, to them….. You know it'll leave its mark. I'll spend the rest of my life wondering what their lives would have been like if I hadn't left them." _

"_Shelby, you thought they were safe with your husband. You couldn't have predicted that this would happen," she assured. _

"_I should have," Shelby muttered. "Seeing San and Noah today broke my heart. She's so angry with me. She has every right to be. I saw the guilt in Noah's eyes. How do I fix this?" _

"_You take it one step at time with patience and grace," Natalie said softly. _

_Shelby shook her head. She needed to focus on the moment. "What surgery is Rachel having?" _

"_It's to repair some of the damage," Natalie informed. "They're taking little steps at a time." _

_Shelby sighed. "I just want to hold her. That's all I want." _

"_Corcoran?" _

_She turned toward the doctor. "I'm Shelby, the mother." _

_The doctor smiled kindly. "She flew it like a champ. It looks like she'll only need one more surgery next week and then she can leave the hospital." The doctor exchanged looks with Natalie. He was careful not to say home. The case was too complicated to be that easy to go home. _

"_Can we see her?" Shelby asked. "Can I hold her?" _

_The doctor nodded and led them down the hallway. The animal wall paper felt like it was taunting her. _

"_We put her in a special adult bed in case you want to lay with her," he informed as he opened the door. _

_Her tiny baby girl was laying quietly on the gurney. Shelby walked over to her and stroked her hair gently. _

_ "Hi my baby bug," Shelby choked back tears. "I'm here. Mommy's right here." _

_ She gripped the small hand in hers. She tried her best to ignore the tubes and the monitors. She saw the bruising on her face and it brought such fury to her heart. The tiny body stirred and jumped as she felt someone's hands on her. _

_ "Shhhh," Shelby whispered. "It's just Mommy. I'm right here, sweetheart." _

_ Rachel's bruised eyes opened. She looked at Shelby in shock and awe. _

_ "Mumma?" she whispered. _

_ Shelby gave a sob. "Yeah, baby, I'm right here."_

_ She rested her hand on Rachel's cheek and leaned her forehead close to hers and gave her a trembling kiss. Rachel reached up her hand and put her hand on her mother's cheek. _

_ "No cry, Mommy," Rachel whispered. She was so unphased by the IV on her hand. "You came. I knew it." _

_ Shelby let out another sob. "I'm so sorry, Rach." Rachel's eyes were getting heavy again. "Can I snuggle with you? Can Mommy get her snuggles?" _

_ Rachel nodded. Natalie shook her head. She may have been two and she may have been through trauma beyond any explanation, but there in her mother's arms, she was home. _

…_._

"Shelby," Dr. Pierce called. She looked up and wiped away a tear at the memory.

"Is she alright?" she asked as she stood up.

Dr. Pierce smiled. "She did great."

* * *

><p><strong>Please review everyone. I know I sound like a broken record but this chapter was supposed to span longer. I hope you all enjoyed it. And don't worry, you'll learn more about Quinn next chapter. <strong>

**Please Please Please review. I work today and it'll get me through my day. **


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

**AN: I'm so overwhelmed by the reviews. I mean seriously everyone. Thank you. I have a lot in store for this family. I'm already received some requests for particular paired flashbacks that people want to see. Please sent me your requests I'll try to accommodate. **

**Thank you thank you for the reviews. **

**Chickability: Your reviews make me laugh and make my day. They're full of whit and greatness. Thank you. I hope you like this update. Don't worry, Puck's storyline will develop more in the next few chapters. **

**Amanda: I'm sorry I gave you a headache. This chapter is a little longer. Maybe pull over this time. thank you for sacrificing your head for the story. **

**WittyNinja: You'll find out more about the Corcoran children as we go. I promise. I hope you enjoy the chapter. **

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**A: The only Faberry you'll get is sisterly Faberry. I am a huge fan of Faberry but Rachel is 11. She's too little. Don't worry, I'm a huge Brittana fan. There a few scenes here. There's going to be a fairly big focus on Brittana in future chapters as their "relationship" develops. **

**Emhsdogs'12: Thank you. I am always humbled by your compliments. Serioiusly thank you. the relationships will surely be bumps. Unquestionably, get ready, it'll be a ride.**

**dragonrider94: thank you. I'm glad you're liking the fic so much. I hope you enjoy the chapter. **

**Fdlans: Thank you for the review. Quinn and Rachel will definitely form a bond. Rachel was very scared at the time. You see more of her experiences a little here.**

**broadwaybound2016: best chapter yet? Whoa! Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying this story so much. I hope you enjoy the update.**

**TieMeDownToYourSoul: I actually just opened Changes and have started to work on it. I won't be doing Quinntana. Other than sisters. Brittana all the way. ….. Yes, you learn a little more about Will in this chapter. Brace yourself. Thank you. Let me know what you think.**

**ajunebuga: Thank you. Made you cry? On the bus? I'm sorry. Thank you for your acknowledgement on my attempted sensitivity on the subject. I'm really trying my best. **

**Rosetta288: Thank you. I try to write the different character's POV. Its essential for the chapter. There are a few Quinn/San moments and Shelby/Quinn moments that you may love. Let me know what you think. Thank you.**

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**Marinka4: I'm sorry I made you want to cry during all of the flashbacks. One of my editors started to cry during one of these flashbacks. Let me know what you think Thank you for the review. **

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**w1cked: I'm sorry I'm straining your heart. I hope you see more light . I'm sorry I make you so sad with the flashbacks. Please let me know what you think with this next update. Thank you **

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**HIsland429: thank you. Quinn and Rachel's friendship will increase. There will be more flashbacks. Let me know what you think. **

**a: thank you. I hope you like this chapter. **

* * *

><p>Shelby stood and looked at Dr. Pierce with a tilt of her head. "When can I take her home?" She rethought. "To our home."<p>

Dr. Pierce looked at her with a small smile. "Once we got in there, we noticed that the welts went lower down her back, buttocks and to the tops of her thighs. They, for the most part, looked like they were healing well, but there were a few that needed to be drained of infection. She'll have to wear the drains for the weekend and Dr. Wiseman can take them out Monday. While we have the infections covered for the most part, we're still giving her a full IV of antibiotics. I want to make sure we get it all out." He saw Shelby's look of confusion. "Go home to the kids. She'll be out like a light for another twelve hours at least."

Shelby frowned. She had just been pulled out the memory of seeing her two year old in the hospital. She didn't want to leave Quinn alone here. Even if she was unconscious, she couldn't do it. It hurt too much

"I can't leave her here," Shelby said wrapped her arms more tightly around her coat that was draped over her arms.

"Shelby," Dr. Pierce said softly. "She has you. You'll be here before she wakes up. She'll be sleeping all night." He sighed and looked over her shoulder as he gathered his thoughts. "Your kids look exhausted."

She followed his gaze and saw her three get off of the elevator. She gave a heavy sigh. She couldn't leave them alone tonight. She knew that at least one of them would have nightmare tonight. She especially knew that all of them were stuck in their pasts because of the hospital. However, she was still torn. She couldn't leave Quinn alone.

"Yes, well they are," Shelby said with another sigh as she looked at her watch. "It's almost ten o'clock." She shook her head. "I don't understand. Why can't I take her home? Why can't she get those meds at home with me?"

She looked over her shoulder and caught Puck's eyes and silently told him to take the girls into the waiting room.

"Because they're more aggressive and effective this way. She has a terrible infection, Shelby. We're fixing this." He gave her a soft smile. "Valerie is still here. She's really bothered by all this especially because we've known her for so long….. I'm really bothered by this whole situation. Brittany doesn't know the details of course, but she's worried too. Listen, let's have Valerie stay with Quinn so that she's not alone. Melanie is home for Fall Break at Yale and is at home with Brittany now. I know Valerie would love to stay." He watched as Shelby considered and looked over her shoulder again. "Is Rachel alright?" he suddenly asked.

Shelby turned and saw that Rachel sitting sideways on Puck's lap with her head resting on his shoulder and Santana was rubbing her back. She could see from across the room that Rachel's breaths were hitched. She sighed.

"She's been on and off the nebulizer all week. She probably needs another treatment. Plus they're all not fans of hospitals. They've spent too much time in them. I need to get them home." The woman rested her hand on her forehead. "Be honest with me, Tom." She met his eyes. "Quinn's okay. She's going to be fine, right?"

"Yes, Shelby, she will be. There are always minor, minor risks of complications, but she pulled through. All she needs is rest and these aggressive antibiotics," Dr. Pierce assured her. He pulled out his phone. "Let me call Valerie. We'll have her sit with her. Okay?" Shelby conceded and gave a small nod. He looked up at the kids. "I'll let you tell them and if you want to I can take you back to her room." He put his hand on her shoulder. "It'll be alright."

She gave her old friend a smile but it came off more as a grimace. "Thanks, Tom."

He had his phone to his ear as he waited for his wife to pick up. He nodded. "Of course." He looked in the direction of the kids. "If she can't wait for the neb before you get home let me know."

Shelby gave a small nod and started toward the kids.

"Is she awake?" Rachel asked as continued to lean into her brother, but sat up a little. Shelby gave a smile to her daughter's tired face.

"No, sweetheart," Shelby said as she sat across from the kids. "She's going to stay the night here.-''

"What?" Santana asked.

"Why?" Rachel asked leaning toward her mother.

"She needs to be hooked up to an IV of antibiotics for the night. Dr. Pierce took good care of her. The infections are being taken care of, but she can't have the IV at home. She's going to be sleeping for the rest of the night." She allowed the kids to soak in her words.

"Is she alright?" Noah asked tightening his grip gently on Rachel.

"She is. And she'll be better once she has all of these meds in her system," Shelby assured.

"She's going to hate being here," Santana said putting her hand reassuringly on Rachel's back.

"I know," Shelby said. "But she needs to get better." She watched her youngest carefully as she processed the information.

"You shouldn't leave her," Rachel whispered. "You can't. We're her family now."

Shelby bit her lip. "She'll be with Valerie, bug. She won't be alone. And we'll be back before she wakes up." She saw Rachel's trepidation. "I promise."

"Can I see her before we leave?" Rachel's question was small and barely above a whisper.

"Bug, it's late. She's sleeping," Santana said gently.

"I just…. I need to make sure she's okay," she muttered.

Shelby gave her a small smile. "Alright, bug." She held her hand out to her youngest and she took it. "Would you like to come?" Shelby asked looking at her two eldest children.

Noah shook his head. Santana folded her arms.

"No," she said distinctly.

Santana watched as her mother and sister disappeared down the hallway.

"This is fucked up," she said to her brother.

"Do you think of her as family?" Noah asked leaning against the back of the waiting room chair.

"What do you think, Sherlock?" Santana asked.

"It's just…. Weird…" he said as Rachel and Shelby finally disappeared around the corner. "I mean she's Quinn Fabray."

Santana looked over carefully at her brother. "Yeah, I know."

"Family," Noah said with a chuckle. He shook his head and watched another doctor walk past. "We need to get out of here. I hate this place."

She looked back over at her brother. She gave a sigh and looked at her hands. She felt her hands getting clammy. She hated hospitals too but eight years ago she wasn't there as much as Rachel nor was she able to visit as much as Puck. "You got to see her more than I did at the hospital."

"That's because you were a pain in the ass," he said with a small grin as he nudged his shoulder.

He regretted his words when he saw his sister's fallen face.

"I …. I hated that she was here alone. That's what she's freaking out about," Santana said. She shook her head. "I was so ….. I just didn't …." Santana gathered her thoughts. "I was mad… and I -''

"You had every right to be angry—'' Noah started.

Santana glared at him, but softened. "She needed me."

He sighed. "You were eight."

"You weren't much older and you knew not to throw chairs or destroy your room," Santana said folding her arms tighter.

Noah shrugged. "We all have our skills." He gave her a soft smile. "You have her now. That's all that matters."

"Yeah…. And instead of being grounded at the home for throwing crap now I'm scaring the shit out of her instead. So much better now to be the cause of her anxiety."

Puck watched his sister battle with herself internally. He reached his arm up and wrapped it around her shoulders pulling her into his side. The normally tough girl sank into her brother.

"What happened wasn't your fault," he murmured. He kissed the top of her head gently. "You're my sister and I was never mad at you. Rachel was never mad and neither was Mom. So," he paused and met her eyes. "You need to stop being mad at yourself about what happened."

"Easier said than done," Santana grumbled as she leaned against her brother.

…

Rachel took her mother's hand and walked with her down the hallway. She felt her heart threatening to beat out of her chest. She was scared for Quinn. She didn't want to leave the girl she had come to accept as her sister alone. She couldn't do it. Her mother gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I promise she won't be alone, Rach," Shelby said leaning down close to her daughter.

They stopped at the door and Rachel could see Quinn through the window. Shelby gave a sad sigh as she watched Rachel go quietly through the door. Rachel examined all of the machines connected to the sleeping girl. She gave a small stifled sob. She turned to her mother.

"She's going to be alright, bug," Shelby whispered leaning down and wrapping her arms around her tiny daughter.

"Rachel, I'll be with her the whole night, okay?" Valerie said from the doorframe.

She had known the little girl since they had moved to town. She watched as Rachel looked at Valerie and then back at Quinn.

"She can't wake up alone," Rachel whispered. "It's scary."

"She won't, bug," Shelby whispered as she kissed her softly on the temple. "Come on, let's go home. We'll be back before she wakes up."

Rachel looked at her mother and gave a small nod. "Bye, Quinn," she whispered into the older girl's sleeping ear.

Shelby walked over to the bed and gave Quinn a soft kiss on the forehead. "We'll be back in the morning."

As she and Rachel walked away from Quinn, she felt a familiar guilt creep into her chest. She went back to that same day she thought about before.

_Shelby rocked Rachel in her arms around the room. Soon after Rachel had allowed her to crawl into the hospital bed next to her, the nurses allowed her to pick up the tiny toddler. With all of the machines she was hooked up to, it was not as easy as Shelby remembered to pick up her baby. She gave a heavy sigh. She used to be able to easily pick her up. She gave a soft smile. She remembered when she was still with Leroy and how every morning she would greet her baby bug. She would always be standing in her crib waiting to begin her day. _

_ Now she couldn't lift her daughter as easily. She wasn't even sure if Rachel could lift herself. To get her from the crib-like bed, nurses had to help Shelby maneuver around the heart monitor cords, the weird oxygen thing on her finger, an IV on her tiny hand which could only pump medicine into her body if her hand was stable beneath a stiff board, and other cords she didn't know. However, when she finally settled her youngest was curled up in her arms looking up at her, Shelby was never more content. She had her Rachel in her arms again. _

_She was rocking her gently for over an hour when Natalie said that it was time to leave. She wasn't sure at what point Rachel dropped off to sleep. Shelby knew it was exhaustion but she wanted to also give herself credit that she was safe in her arms again. Shelby gripped the little girl a little more tightly in her arms. She couldn't leave her here. She reminded herself that this wouldn't help her get her children back. Arguing with CPS would not help. _

_ "Goodbye for now, my baby girl," Shelby whispered as she moved back to the bed._

_ Rachel started to stir in her arms. "Mommy?" she asked quietly. _

_ "I'm sorry, bug. I'll see you later, okay?" Shelby whispered as she lay Rachel down in the bed. _

_At that moment, the toddler woke up and realized the loss of contact immediately._

_ "No," Rachel wailed as she reached her arms up for Shelby to lift her again. "No, no, no leave." _

_Shelby scooped Rachel into her arms. This was never how she pictured leaving her and most particularly it was never how she pictured seeing her children again. _

_ "She did this with your son yesterday," Natalie said quietly. "We had to leave her crying with the nurse."_

_Shelby shot Natalie a glare. "My son is nine. I am her mother. I'm not going to leave her sobbing." _

_Rachel gripped tightly to her mother. Shelby felt her little chest heaving against her own. _

_"Breathe, bug. Shhhh, Mommy's here," she said quietly into the small girl's ear. She turned to the intern in the room when the heaving continued. "What's going on? Why is she doing this? She's never done this before." _

_ "She has developed some pretty intense anxiety because of what happened….." the intern trailed off. _

_"Well of course she would," Shelby whispered kissing the top of her daughter's head. She rocked Rachel and rubbed her back. _

_"Shelby, your time is up, it's time to leave," Natalie said a little more sternly. "I know that this is hard." _

_"No, actually you don't!" Shelby said loudly. She squeezed her eyes shut in frustration as Rachel released a screeching sob. "Shhh, bug. Mommy's sorry. I'm right here." _

_"Shelby, either you lay her down in her crib or the nurse will take her from you, but it's time to leave." _

_"She can't breathe and she's hurt. She's in pain and she's here all alone." Shelby felt her own chest heave. _

_"It's time to go," Natalie said again. _

_"I'll take her," said the nurse as she reached for Rachel. _

_Rachel only clung tired. "I'll be good. I sorry. I sorry," she sobbed. _

_ Shelby felt her tears wet from her own sorrow. She stroked Rachel's hair and kissed her one last time and handed her to the nurse. "I'm sorry, bug. Mommy's so sorry." _

_She walked towards the door trying to block out the sorrowful wails. She turned again and watched as the nurse tried to calm Rachel. "I love you, baby bug," she called out. _

_She watched as a nurse tried to hold her gently and put a mask over her face. "It'll help you breath, love," said the nurse. _

"_No," Rachel shook her head and tried to sit up. Her tiny hands tried to grip the bars to stand up. "I wanna be good. Mommy, come back." _

_ Shelby stood frozen at the door. Rachel could still see her at the door. She sobbed harder and shook her head trying to push the mask off. _

_ "I'll be good, Mommy," Rachel wailed. Shelby licked her upper lip as tears fell without control. "Don't l-l-leave." _

_ Another nurse brushed past Shelby causing her to step forward into the room. She ignored Natalie's calls and went back to the bed and held Rachel's hand that wasn't stiff around the IV board. _

_ "I'm sorry, bug. It's just for a little while," she whispered. _

_ Rachel gasped and heaved as she struggled to sit up and get back into her mother's arms. _

_ "We're going to sedate her. She needs to calm down," an intern informed as a nurse injected medicine into the IV. _

_ "You can hold her until she falls asleep," Natalie guided from the door._

_ Shelby immediately lifted her daughter into her arms and rubbed her daughter's back. The mask was pushing into her shoulder but she didn't care. _

_ "Shhhh, sweet girl," she whispered as she pressed her cheek into Rachel's head. "You never did anything wrong. Not ever." _

_ "Close your eyes, and I'll kiss you. _

_ Tomorrow I'll miss you_

_ Remember I'll always be true," Shelby sang quietly into Rachel's ear. _

_ She felt the tiny toddler relaxed in her arms._

_ "I love you so much, bug," Shelby whispered as she laid her daughter down gently. _

_ The limp sleeping form looked less distressed. Shelby stood and watched the nurse replace the mask over Rachel's face. She had left her. She had left her and this is what happened to her to all of them. _

_ She felt a hand on her arm. _

_ "It's time to leave," Natalie said softly. _

_ Shelby shook her head and followed her toward the door. _

_ "I'll be back, bug," she whispered to her sleeping baby. "I promise."_

"Mom?" Rachel asked tugging on her mother's hand and ultimately bringing Shelby back to the present. She spotted tears in her mother's eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she muttered. "Let's get you home, bug."

"And Santana and Noah," Rachel corrected.

Shelby smiled. "Them too."

….

The kids weren't in bed until 11:15pm much to Shelby's own exhaustion. Rachel fought against having to wear the nebulizer mask again. She finally was able to get her bug to comply when she promised her that she could sleep in Shelby's big, comfy king sized bed. Santana burst into tears out of exhaustion about her failure to find her favorite sweatshirt. Noah didn't even bother to change into his sweats. When Shelby went in to ask him if he was ready for bed, he was sound asleep face down on his bed. And when she returned to her own bedroom to make sure that Rachel still had the mask on, Santana was sleeping next to Rachel's sleeping form in Shelby's bed. Thankfully the nebulizer was still going. She waited until it finished and carefully and silently removed it, careful not to wake either of the girls. It amazed her that they could sleep through the loudness of the machine.

Shelby sighed and retired to her bathroom to change quickly. She washed her face trying to relieve the exhaustion from her body. She went downstairs and locked all of the doors and turned off the lights. Quietly, she walked tiredly back upstairs. She went into her bathroom one last time to brush her teeth. She heard the soft creek of her door. She peeked over at her clock over the sink. She sighed. Twelve-thirty. Just enough time to get five and a half hours of sleep, get the kids up, ready and fed and get to the hospital by seven. She gave an exhausted smile and walked back to her room. She remembered the soft creek of the door. On Rachel's other side was Noah, sound asleep. She shook her head with a smile. At least he changed into sweats and a t-shirt she thought as she snuggled in next to Santana. She closed her eyes and let sleep take over.

About two hours later, Shelby's eyes fluttered open to the darkness. Her ears perked when she hear whispers.

"You're okay, Rach," Santana soothed tiredly.

Shelby smiled quietly at her daughter's sincerity and love in her simple words.

"Do you think Quinn's alright?" Rachel whispered into the darkness.

She smiled again at her younger daughter's compassion and grace. "She's fine," she heard Santana reply. "She's safe in the hospital."

"I was safe," Rachel murmured. She gave a little sigh. "But I didn't feel safe. I felt scared and alone." She paused for a moment and Shelby waited allowed the girls to have their moment. "That's what I remember. I remember being alone. I remember people coming to visit and then leaving me….. that's what I dreamt about."

"No one is ever going to leave you, bug," Shelby heard Noah mutter.

"What if something goes wrong?" Rachel trembled slightly. In the darkness, Shelby could simply see that bottom lip shuttering as Rachel attempted to hold it steady.

"Bug, it won't," Noah said. Shelby heard him shift. "I promise you. Nothing will go wrong."

"You can't say that, Noah," Rachel said. Shelby smiled she heard the grin in her voice. "You'll jinx it," she finished.

"I'll jinx you, if you don't be quiet. It's late," Santana said snuggling instinctively back into Shelby, assuming her mom was still sleeping.

"I don't want to sleep," Rachel muttered.

Noah let out a heavy sigh. "Rach, you don't have to sleep."

Shelby smiled as Santana scoffed. "However," Noah continued. "You need to recite your favorite movie _Crazy Lady –"_

"Funny Girl," Rachel corrected.

"In your head," Noah finished. "Ready go."

Shelby laughed because silence fell over them once again. She closed her eyes. Three more hours.

….

Shelby wasn't surprised that she woke up to both Santana and Noah telling Rachel to be quiet the next morning. When she opened her eyes three hours later, Shelby was greeted with a smile from her youngest.

"Get up please," she whispered loudly. "I made you coffee."

Shelby gave a small smile and Santana gave a groan. Whenever Rachel tried to help and make coffee she always overdid it and made it so strong it was almost sludge-like.

When Shelby was finally able to drag Noah and Santana out to the car, Rachel was rummaging upstairs for something and was the last one to come barreling down the stairs. She shook her head when she realized how anticlimactic it all was when they arrived at the hospital because Quinn was still sleeping.

Shelby watched Rachel watch Quinn carefully. The youngest Corcoran pulled on her backpack straps with thoughtfulness.

"She slept through the night just like Tom said," Valerie said as she nursed a cup of coffee. She lowered her voice and leaned closer to Shelby. "She's been doing great."

"Can I have some time with her?" Rachel suddenly asked breaking her pensive stare from the sleeping blonde.

"Why?" Santana asked rather harshly.

"I just….I want to, okay? She's my other sister. Don't be selfish," Rachel muttered.

Santana gave her signature eye roll. "We can go raid the cafeteria," Noah suggested as he followed Santana out of the room.

Valerie watched the kids wander down the hallway. "I'll follow them," she said quietly to Shelby.

Shelby nodded in appreciation and watched her daughter carefully. "Rach?"

"Mom," Rachel said meeting her eyes. "I said alone please. I'll be quick. I promise."

Shelby shook her head. "Okay." She gave her daughter a confident grin. "I'll wait outside, but this door remains open alright?"

Rachel nodded. She watched as her mother disappeared from sight. Quietly, she shrugged her backpack off of her shoulders.

"I brought you something," she whispered, unaware that her whisper was loud enough for Shelby to hear from the door. "I think you can hear me, wherever you are. I hope you're just sleeping." Rachel carefully pulled out the stuffed lamb that she found in Quinn's duffle. "I …. I thought you might need this. I don't really know her story…. I assume it's a her. She looks like a her, but….. I thought you might need her." Rachel pulled herself onto the end of Quinn's bed. Shelby had to try her best to restrain herself from going in there and telling Rachel to be careful. Rachel set the lamb next to Quinn's sleeping form. "When I was three, I moved back in with my mom and I had a binkie….. Well, a pacifier, but I called it my binkie. And I looked rather silly with it. Three was unusually old for a binkie…. I mean a pacifier. And…." Rachel rung out her hands. "But…. Stuff happened and I needed it…. It made me feel safe. Well, anyway, the binkie fairy came, I mean the pacifier fairy, who I later found out was really my mom, she gave me George. I would have brought him…. But Mom said you needed time before I gave you him, so I thought I would bring your lamb. George keeps me safe when I'm scared and I … I figured your lamb does too. Don't worry, I made sure that Santana didn't see it. I …. I saw the lamb when I gave you my monkey on your first night at my house. I mean our house." Rachel climbed off of the bed. "I hope you feel better, Quinn."

Rachel pulled her backpack back on her shoulders. She started to walk back to the door and paused and ran back to the bed. "I'm glad you're in the family, Quinn. I'll see you after school." She paused. "And even if San finds out, she won't make fun of you she's not that cruel."

Shelby watched from around the hidden corner as Rachel readjusted the lamb and then headed back to the door. Shelby hid from sight and looked at Quinn through the window into the room. She gave a small smirk when she saw the older blonde crack her tired eyes open and watch Rachel leave. Quinn caught one last glance at Rachel and cuddle the lamb closer as she eased back into the sleep.

"Mom, you were supposed to go down the hallway," Rachel said. She lowered her gaze. "You won't tell anyone. Will you?"

"Tell anyone what?" Shelby asked with a grin.

Rachel tilted her head slightly and gave a small smile.

"Let's find your brother and sister."

….

Santana looked over her shoulder and checked to make sure that Rachel was buckled.

"Thank you for giving us a ride, Mrs. Pierce," Santana said politely.

"Any time," Valerie said from the front seat. "I have to pick up Brittany anyway."

"Why did you want to sit in the middle, Santana?" Rachel asked in a not so quiet way. "You always make me sit in the middle."

Puck looked over his shoulder and frowned. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Santana said with wide eyes.

Valerie pulled into the familiar driveway and Santana couldn't help be smile. Brittany ran out to car.

"Hi," she said as she climbed in to the empty seat in the back.

"Hey," Santana said with a goofy grin.

"Are you alright, San?" Rachel asked pushing her sister.

Santana frowned. "I'm fine." She turned forward and tried not to look at Brittany for the rest of the ride to school.

…..

Quinn woke up to the sun shining in her room. She blinked a few times and allowed her eyes to adjust to the room. She didn't remember it being this bright. She searched her memory. She didn't remember going back to the Corcorans. Her mind stopped when she heard the faint beeping.

Fuck, she thought.

"Good morning," Shelby said quietly.

"Please tell me I didn't stay here," Quinn groaned as she leaned over.

Shelby arched her eyebrow. "You didn't stay here," she gave a grin. "But that would be lying. How do you feel?"

"Tired," Quinn said as she tried to sit up. She tried to tuck her lamb down quietly next to her. She saw Shelby watching her. She bit the side of her lip. "I'll thank her. Later….. " She met Shelby's questioning eyes. She sat the lamb in her lap and adjusted its ears. "There was this really nice woman that gave it to me. She …. " Shelby watched Quinn remember. "She understood me, but never questioned me." Quinn smiled. "Not ever. When I was little, she gave me a lamb. She told me I was like her lost sheep that she finally found." Quinn laughed in a way that Shelby had never seen her laugh. It was genuine. "Her name was Mary. Isn't that funny? Mary's lamb….." She shook her head. "That's the story." Her smile faded. "Kinda stupid….." She exhaled a shaky breath. "I'm glad she never saw me like this….."

"Was this Mary Pierce?" Shelby asked carefully. She watched as Quinn began to cry silently, allowing her tears to fall silently onto the hospital bed. "She was a really great lady. She watched Rachel a lot when Rachel was little. Melanie, always got to watch Brittany, Puck and Santana. But Rachel and Mary spent a lot of time together. Mary watched a great deal of musicals with Rachel when I couldn't." Shelby shook her head. "I'm glad we both knew her, Quinn."

Shelby watched as Quinn wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "Me too," she whispered.

…..

Once they arrived at McKinley after they dropped Rachel off, Noah immediately morphed into Puck and disappeared into the crowd. Santana walked next to Brittany with confidence into the school. She understood that it was her job now that Quinn was out to be ahead of the game and the official queen B. She needed to be on top. She shook her head. On top yes, but … not that …. She shook her head again, Santana snap out of it, stop talking to yourself. She shoved a freshman for good measure to reset her internal imbalance.

"Tweedles! My office," she heard Sue Sylvester summon her.

She felt Brittany hook pinkies with her and together they went into the Coach's office.

"So, Corcoran," she began as the girls settled in their seats. "Fabray is down for the count?"

Santana paused. She frowned. Why was she pausing? Why did she pause? It wasn't as if she cared. She didn't. She didn't care at all.

"Hesitation, eh? Interesting, Corcoran. Freeze up that heart. I wanted you to get along, but I don't want you rolling around in flowers like mindless Teletubbies. Work on that. Rediscover your competitive edge. Let me know on Monday how she is. We have a lot of work to do."

A pause settled over them.

Sue looked up from her desk. "Goodbye," she said more forcibly.

Brittany and Santana stood cautiously and moved down the hallway toward their first class. They stopped silently at Brittany's locker.

"So, speaking of," Brittany said as she opened her locker. "How is Quinn? I know she had minor surgery last night. She's alright though, right?"

Santana frowned and met her friend's eyes. "What?" She shook her head and opened her own locker next to Brittany. "Yeah, she's okay. She's ….." Santana searched for her words. She regained her confidence by glaring at a loser passing by causing them to cower in the other direction. "She's fine…. I think we're taking her home later this afternoon after practice and stuff."

Brittany gave a smile. "Do you think I can come over and see her this weekend?"

"Her?" Santana asked without thinking.

The blonde laughed. "Yeah," she shrugged. "She and I have been friends since we were babies."

Santana couldn't control her fading smile. "I don't know," she muttered. "We're all kinda grounded."

Brittany closed her eyes and turned to look at her. "I wouldn't just be visiting with her." She gave a smile. "You and I can hang out." Brittany rolled her eyes playfully. "But if you're grounded that's cool."

"No, I think Quinn will be the perfect excuse. Leave it to me. I'll let you know…." Santana frowned again. "But I'm not sure how….. I have lost every form of communication born to man….."

Brittany laughed and took her pinky and leaned close to her ear. "Don't frown so much," she said quietly into Santana's. "You'll get wrinkles." She smiled. "But I'm sure I would love them anyway."

Santana watched Brittany carefully and took in her scent in the crowded hallway. They were just friends, right?

"Come on, San" she laughed. "We'll be late."

…

By mid-day, Quinn was three-quarters of the way through her antibiotic. Shelby sat with her the whole day. And when Quinn said the whole day, she meant the whole day. The blond tried to search her memory of when she was sick last. She couldn't remember. She knew for sure that no one ever sat with her.

"Do you need anything?" Shelby asked for the millionth time.

"Dolphins," Quinn answered. "Do you need anything?" She retorted.

"Salmon," Shelby answered. They had been playing back and forth for the last hour or so listing random items to pass the time.

She wasn't going to admit it but she found comfort in Shelby, but as usual she spoke too soon. She always ruined it. She spotted another blonde standing outside of her hospital room.

"Could you go grab me a muffin actually?" Quinn asked quickly.

Shelby looked at her in surprise. "I can eat can't I?" Quinn asked again.

She felt a pang of guilt as her new maternal figure shot up from her seat. She set her files that she had been making notes through and grabbed her wallet. "Muffin? That's it? Are you sure you don't want some juice? Apple juice?"

"Whatever you think is best," Quinn said as she tucked the lamb as subtly as she could underneath her sheets.

"I'll be right back."

Quinn sat up with a wince and lay against her pillows and braced herself for battle. She watched Shelby disappear from sight and as if on queue she entered.

"What the hell are you doing?" she hissed as she door slammed shut so hard that it bounced open a few inches.

"Frannie, nice to see your eye lift and nose job have held up," Quinn said icily.

"What are you doing, Quinn!" Frannie hissed again. "Do you have any idea how much this is ruining our family?"

"What family?" Quinn asked trying her best not to falter.

"Shut your ungrateful mouth, you fucking piece of shit," Frannie hissed as she drew the blinds. "Your accusations are out of line!"

"Look around you selfish pig," Quinn said with her signature frown. "I can't make this shit up!"

"I wouldn't put it past you," Frannie barked. "Mom is a wreck—''

"When hasn't she been?" Quinn retorted. "You can't come back here after four years of doing wherever the fuck you've been during and think you have some say here. Go away!"

"Who do you think you are, Quinn? You are a Fabray." Frannie gave a cackle. "You're going to move in with that single, whore piece of trash and her mixed children. I mean what are they? Kikes or Niggers or Spics? I mean what the hell are they?" She laughed again. "We are Fabrays. Or at least you used to be! You aren't this person you're making our ENTIRE family line out to be. Who the hell would that make me? You are a selfish, lying little bitch. You are doing this singularly for attention because no one loved you. No one will EVER love you, Quinn! EVER! No amount of this stupid and exhausting performance of yours will fool anyone. So drop the charges."

_"What the hell do you think you're doing?" her father barked as the front door slammed shut. _

_ Ten year old Quinn bit her lip and looked up toward the stairs. Her mother and sister stood on the landing staring down at her. She felt like the tiniest bug. _

_ "Don't look at them, you piece of shit," Russell bellowed as he grabbed Quinn's arm and led her into her room. "Where in Christ's name did you get the idea that you were good enough for Cheerleading? I mean seriously." _

_ "Daddy, I…" _

_ He grabbed her by one arm the front of his belt by the other and started unthreading it. "You're not good enough, Quinn. You never will be. And I will make sure that you understand that." _

_ Quinn tried to back away. "Daddy, please. I'll be good. I'll prove it to you!" _

_ Russell Fabray paused as he unthreaded his belt. "Prove it how, Quinn?" _

_ "I'll be the best!" she pleaded. _

_Russell chuckled. "The best, huh, Quinn. We'll see about that. But you'll never be the best. Not ever." He finished unthreading the belt. "Bend over." _

Quinn has slightly deflated into herself. She no longer sat up straight. She no longer even held her older sister's fiery gaze. "I didn't…. I'm not the one pressing the charges. The state is," she whispered.

"Drop them!" Frannie screamed in her face. The youngest Fabray continued to look away. Frannie reached out and grabbed Quinn's chin with one hand and her arm with the other. She shook her roughly. "You fucking bastard's whore! Do you hear me, Quinn? You drop these charges now and maybe, just maybe I can convince mother to not kill you. You are completely useless! We will have nothing left if this continues. I will make damn sure of that and I will certainly make sure that—"

"It's time for you to leave, Francis," a chilling tone came from the doorway. Shelby stood at the doorway with Dr. Pierce and a security guard. Quinn didn't even try to meet Shelby's eyes but she continued to look down. She knew her sister was still watching her. She was afraid to look up. Frannie tightened her grip on Quinn's arm as a warning, but then straightened and released her grip. "I said, it's time for you to leave," Shelby said again.

Quinn watched as Frannie turned back into her public self as she straightened her posture and gave a polite smile.

"Think about what you are doing to this family, Quinn," she said calmly as she walked toward the door.

Shelby continued to watch Quinn despite Frannie's exit. However, Quinn still refused to meet Shelby's eyes. She couldn't do it. She just couldn't do it. She tensed her shoulders as she felt the familiar ache of her sister's grip on her arm. She let her tears fall quietly, hoping to disappear. No, one will ever love you, Quinn Fabray, she heard echo in her memory. She was told that her whole life. However, the most recent time her father told her was what pushed her out. It was two weeks ago. Almost three.

_It was a night like most nights. Her father and mother were drunk and she was hiding desperately in her room hoping to silence their laughter. It had been the worst year of her life and she still had over two more years of high school before she could get out of this hell hole. _

_ "Quinnie," her father slurred as he sauntered into her bedroom. "Why are your clothes on? I'm ready for you." _

_ She shuttered as he closed her bedroom door offering her no escape. She slowly removed her clothing with her trembling hands. _

_ "Quinnie, you know we only do this because I love you. I'm the only one in this world who will ever love you. No one will ever love you," he hissed as he climbed on top of her. _

_ "Please I—"_

_ A sound of a slap echoed around the room. "You'll be paying for that later." He shoved into her at that moment. "Remember, Quinn, this is the closest you'll ever get to love." _

"Quinn?" Shelby said lightly touching her hand.

Quinn flinched away. "I'm fine. I just…. I …. I need a second."

Shelby gave a nod and kissed Quinn softly on her forehead.

"I want to tell you something," Shelby said gently. "I don't know that much about you. But from what I know, Quinn Fabray, you are a kind and tough young woman. You are tenacious with fire and a will that would challenge any army. You're loving, but you rarely show it because you question its value. I care about you, Quinn and I will fight for you and with you. I am proud to have you as a daughter whether for a long time or a short time. But I will always care about you and I will always love you no matter what you do. Do you hear me? No matter what you do."

Quinn looked at her with a shaky breath. "Please don't. Please don't even try. I'm too damaged. I'll screw everyone one up. I'll screw Rachel up, and Santana and Puck."

"Sweetheart, you're not screwed up. You're not contagious. You simply need to be reminded of how incredible you are. And that's my job. Do not listen to that girl who was just in here. She is sad and hateful and lonely. She is scared because you had the courage to stick up for yourself. Something she never did or will ever be able to do."

Shelby cupped Quinn's face gently in her hands. "I know I'm not your mother, but I will love you like my daughter, whether you think you deserve it or not. It doesn't matter. Alright?"

Quinn sobbed quietly and nodded. She didn't believe her, but it felt good to the tiny girl inside her that told her that she might. Shelby kissed her again and stood up.

"And you know what?" Shelby asked from the door. "I'll remind you every day. Now take that second. I'll be right back."

…_.._

Frannie looked at the elevator in frustration. What was it about elevators?

"So damn slow," she hissed.

"We need to talk," Shelby said suddenly in her face.

"I have nothing to say to you," Frannie said with a heavy sigh. "Leave me alone."

"Actually, I have something quick to say to you," Shelby said with an even tone. "You will be receiving a restraining order tomorrow afternoon. I'm filing the papers now. You will never talk to her again. If I see you looking at her from a distance less than one hundred feet of Quinn or my children, I will make sure you're arrested."

"You have no right—''

"Actually, I have plenty of credentials. Would you like to see, little girl?" Shelby asked with a grin. The elevator dinged. "Your elevator is here. Watch out for those papers."

….

Kurt and Rachel walked up to the high school later that afternoon. Rachel's head was down. She was normally a chatter box and she was silent. Rachel Corcoran was rarely silent.

"Are you alright?" Kurt asked as they headed toward the school. "You're walking uncharacteristically slow. Usually you're a strange speed walker, did you pull a muscle?"

Rachel gave a small smile. "No, Kurt, I didn't do anything. I'm just tired," she said with a sigh. "Quinn had a hard night and so did we. I'm just tired."

"We're also kinda late," Kurt said as they continued to dawdle down the hallway. He shrugged. "Not that I'm complaining. We all know that Mr. Doodlehead likes you more than me, but….just saying we're fifteen minutes late because you're dawdling. So why exactly are we dawdling?"

"Fifteen minutes!" Rachel asked with exhaustion. "Are you kidding?"

She grabbed Kurt's arms and yanked him down the hallway toward the choir room.

"I'm sorry we're late," Rachel said breathlessly.

Will was leaning against his desk with his arms folded. He stood up straighter as the young eleven year olds sprinted into the room.

Kurt watched as the young teacher stood straighter and smile. He frowned.

"You kids are really late," Will said with a shake of his head.

"She's having a bad day," Kurt said.

"We'll in the business they don't care about bad days," Will reminded as he handed the kids music.

Kurt watched Rachel's face fall.

Will smiled. "Despite your disappointment, I'm sure we can still have a good rehearsal." He knelt down in front of Rachel so that he was eye to eye with her. "Do I have your undivided attention."

She nodded vigorously. "Absolutely, sir," she said with a smile.

Kurt frowned as he watched Will's hand stroke Rachel's arm reassuringly. It was as if the room moved in slow motion for the rest of rehearsal. It was as if Kurt was seeing something for the first time. Something that wasn't good.

…

Puck was annoyed. He was more than annoyed. After a long night with barely any sleep and his eleven-year-old sister kicking him in the knee caps, he didn't need his giant teammate annoying him.

"I don't like her, man," Puck said as he took off his helmet.

"What do you mean?" Finn asked taking another drink of water. "I saw you with her. I see you with her".

"I'm seeing someone, remember?" Puck said annoyed. He nodded in the direction of the Cheerios.

"Senior Whitney Richards, I know," Finn shrugged. "But aren't you just hooking up?"

Puck shot him a threatening glare. Finn put his hands up in a defensive stance. "No offense intended, man, but I mean you and Whitney have never even really done couple status. You know. When I was with Quinn—''

"Tell me about that," Puck said turning to him. "Listen for the millionth time I'm not into her nor will I ever be. She's basically my sister now. And I have two of them. I know what that it feels like. I don't know if you know what it feels like to have a sister, but my dick sure as hell knows the difference and I'm NOT interested in Quinn Fabray in that way. However, I heard rumors that you guys went through a lot of shit while you were together. I want to know about it."

Finn looked at him with a frown.

"Dude, I forgave you for the punch, but that's kinda private," Finn said backing away slowly.

"You kinda deserved the punch. And no, it's not private. Not when you're still calling her names in the hallway." He paused. "I'm waiting."

"Waiting for what?" Santana asked walking over. She put her hands on her hips and glared at Finn. "Hey douche-wad."

"Hey San—'' Finn was about to add something else to the end of his statement but caught Puck's glare.

"I'm delivering your brother to you since you tend to misplace him," Santana said with a frown pushing Kurt in Finn's direction.

"Santana, he's not a marble," Rachel said shaking her head and looking apologetically at Kurt, who had been acting oddly during all of rehearsal. "I'm sorry, Kurt."

"It's fine," he said with a sigh. "Come on, Finn. What are you talking about?"

"Quinn Fabray," Finn said casually.

Rachel's eyes widened. "What? Noah, why?"

Santana looked at her brother and put her hand on Rachel's back. "Let's talk about this in the car please." She caught Puck's eyes and glanced down at Rachel.

"We have to go. See you on Monday, Finn."

"Whatever," he grumbled. "Come on, Kurt."

Kurt started to walk away with his brother but stopped. Puck grabbed his duffle and walked quietly to the parking lot.

"Hey, Rach," he called out. She turned. Santana still had her arm wrapped around her shoulders. "Can I call you this weekend? I want to talk to you about something."

"I'm grounded," Rachel said walking back over to him. "Can we talk now?"

Kurt looked at Rachel for a moment. His brows were knitted in confusion and turmoil.

"I …. I … I don't think I can come to rehearsal anymore. I don't like Mr. Schuester. And I don't think you should go either."

Rachel frowned. "What are you talking about?"

He shook his head. "Never mind. I'll …. I'll talk to you more about it on Monday…. It's no big deal." He shrugged and swallowed the lump in his throat. "Forget it."

Rachel gave a nod and walked away from her friend. "Alright. I'll see you."

She paused and looked over her shoulder one last time as Kurt and Finn walked away before turning to join her brother and sister.

…

"You look terrible," Santana said from the doorway.

Quinn gave a weak smile. "I'm sick. What's your excuse?" she shook her head.

Santana smiled and pulled up a chair. "Rachel's down the hallway. She's eager to see you."

"Why?" Quinn asked.

"I don't know," Santana shrugged. "She's a weirdo."

"She certainly isn't like the rest of you," the blonde said rolling her eyes. The blonde paused before she formed her words. "She was little when all the stuff happened to your family, right?"

Santana narrowed her eyes slightly and leaned back in the chair with a sigh. "You don't even know the half of it."

"Well you don't know anything about me," Quinn said back and turning away slightly.

The tough brunette took a breath. "Yeah, she was little. But like I said, she's a weirdo. She has a memory like some super fast computer. Even though, I wish she didn't." Santana looked down at her hands. "She remembers a lot of it, and what she doesn't remember she gets in flashes thanks to the wonders of therapy." She rolled her eyes.

"Well I wish I didn't remember," Quinn whispered.

To her surprise, she felt a hand on hers. "No, you don't." Their eyes locked. Santana went on. "If you didn't remember, you would only be left with confusion and anger and no memory of why. And that's harder. Being all dressed up and having no place to go."

"This doesn't mean we're friends," Quinn said.

"Hells no," Santana said shaking her head. "We're most definitely not friends."

A nurse entered. "Are you ready to go home?"

Quinn gave a small nod. She wasn't going home and she was grateful.

"I'm ready to go to her home," Quinn said sitting up.

**Please Please Please review**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

**a/n thank you all for your support and reviews. I will keep all of your requests in mind. This is a long and angsty chapter. Please let me know what you think. Also I was inspired by Sarah's Key in the chapter. If you get a chance read the book and or see the movie. there is one scene that was really easy to write because of a scene in the movie. Please review**

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><p>It took about twenty minutes for the intern to explain to Shelby how the infection drains worked and how they would be cleaned. It took another ten to convince Quinn that she couldn't walk out to the car and that she needed to sit in the wheelchair. It all made Santana annoyed. It was seven and she was hungry.<p>

"Quinn," Shelby said. "Get in the wheelchair."

Santana rolled her eyes. Apparently they were still arguing about it.

"I want to walk," Quinn said with a tired air.

"That's not really an option," Shelby said with a look that Santana knew meant that it surely wasn't an option.

"Sit in the damn chair," Santana said with a sigh.

"Santana!" She heard her mother scold her.

Santana felt a nudge into her side and looked down. Rachel was looking at her with disapproving eyes. She gave a sigh.

"Please?" she asked with an eye roll.

Quinn shot her a look. Santana recognized it. The bitch is back, she thought. Santana arched her eyebrow and glared at her. She could hear Rachel's head turn from side to side as it ruffled against her coat.

"Enough, Quinn," Shelby finally said. "Get in the chair."

Quinn frowned but conceded. Santana watched as the blond sat in the chair that had been prepared for the girl with a donut pillow. She could see the irritation on the captain's face.

Santana nodded and decided to take the credit for the girl's forfeit. Her brother had been sent out to retrieve the car. She has desperately wanted to go with him, but her mother gave her a look telling her to stay. Santana felt a jealous surge in her chest as she spotted Rachel's hand on the arm of Quinn's wheelchair as they made their way out of the room. However, her unruly jealousy tamed, as soon as they all started following Quinn down the hallway. At that moment, Santana realized why her mother asked her to stay. Rachel wrapped her hand tightly around Santana's hand even though her hand was tucked and hidden in the side pocket of Santana's letterman jacket. She gave a small smile; it was always funny how Rachel's tiny hand managed to squeeze itself into the smallest places. She gave an even bigger smile as she squeezed Rachel's hand. The tiny girl had let go of Quinn's wheelchair and was gripping onto her hand. Her smile faded slightly as a medical team walked past them pushing a hospital gurney. She felt Rachel move closer to her. She held her tighter.

Santana felt her own heart clench as she approached the sliding doors of the hospital. She hated those doors. It wasn't coming into hospitals that made her despise them, but leaving them, that surfaced a degree of insecurity that she couldn't fathom, one that she was never able to shake.

_ Santana pulled her laces as tightly as she could. She gave a frustration. It was hard to tie her shoes when her arm was broken. She frowned. The Natalie lady was outside her room. She was supposed to go and see Noah. She was eager to see him but she hadn't seen Rachel. She gave a small sigh and looked at her hands. She hadn't seen her since they had both came in last night. She had only seen her tiny form briefly amongst the chaos of the ER and the fury of her own heart. However, at eight years old she couldn't articulate any of that. She couldn't even feel all of that. It was too much. _

_ Natalie has told her that she might see her mother. She squeezed her eyes shut. She had wanted her mother every night since she was taken away from everything she thought she knew about the world. She looked around, but she needed to see Rachel. At that moment she felt so alone, but she knew that Rachel needed her. Rachel was all that got her through this. Noah too, in his own way, but Rachel saved her because she physically needed Santana to do something. Noah needed Santana as a sister, but Rachel needed her to hold her and whisper that she was okay. It gave Santana a purpose. _

_ Santana stood with a grimace from her bed. Pumpkin-Poops, it hurt to move. She saw Natalie still talking to the nurse. She needed to get out of there. She spotted a gurney being wheeled past. She strategically, quietly and painfully hid herself beside it and down to the Pediatric ICU. That's where a nurse told her she was. She looked through five doors, when finally she spotted her inside the fifth room. _

_ Rachel was laying flat on the bed. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was amplified by the mask that was covering her face. Monitors seemingly blared in Santana's ears. Rachel had a giant bruise on her eye. She had gotten that when she had tried to get up and run to Santana before all of it started. Santana wanted to look away, but couldn't. There was a thing on her finger but it looked like it was taking up her whole finger when on a normal person it just would have been the tip. And there was a bag on the side with a little bit of yellow liquid. Santana sighed. Her father had been so close to having Rachel potty trained. And then he died. And everything happened and Rachel struggled with the lack of consistency. Santana and Noah had tried but they couldn't. The bag was a reminder of that failure. Of all of her failures. _

_ Don't cry, Santana told herself. She could feel as bottom lip and chin trembled as she took in Rachel's tiny form. She was clenching a bear and holding onto something else in her other fist. Her fists were so tiny and there was something colorful peaking out of the end. Santana then let out a tiny sob. It was the bracelet she had given her. _

_ She gave a shuttering breath. She just needed to hold her. She still heard her father's voice in her head. "You can always come back to each other, Sanny. Always. All you have to do is touch to realize that you're not alone." She was without him now. And in this hospital at this moment as the monitor's loudness surrounded her, she never felt so alone. She knew she needed to move forward. She was only eight years old, but she knew that was what nature required of her. However, she was stuck. She was stuck in the moment as she witnessed the evidence of her failure. _

_ She let out a sob. _

_ "Rachel," she whispered. She took a step toward the bed, or that was her intention, but instead she crumbled on the floor. Her sorrow masked her pain that rippled through her body as she fell. _

_ "I-I-I'm sorry," she sobbed. _

_ She suddenly felt a pair of arms around her picking her up. They were taking her from the room. "I'm sorry, Rach! I'm sorry, bug! I'm so sorry!" _

_ Her sobs took over as she was carried from the room. She tried to kick her legs to get to her. She couldn't leave her. At that moment, she realized if she was leaving, she was alone. "No!" she screamed as she tried to elbow whoever was holding her in the face. "No! I can't leave her!" She turned and looked at the young male intern that was holding her and then looked over at Natalie. "She needs me! I can't leave her alone! I can't leave her! She needs someone to hold her! She needs me!" _

_ "Santana, please breathe. Please calm down. You will be able to see her in three days. You and your brother," Natalie attempted to assure. "She's too heavily medicated. "Listen to me. You need to breathe." _

_ But she couldn't. She couldn't hear any of it. She scrambled out of the arms that were holding her. She ran toward her sister. She grabbed the bars of the bed. _

_ "I'm so sorry, Rach," she sobbed. She reached up and kissed her on the forehead. "Please wake up. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Please wake up." _

_ Her hysteric screams were loud and seemed to distract her from her anger as she hit a nurse approaching her. She didn't realized there were so many people trying to get her attention. She didn't realize that she hit two nurses and kicked another. Finally a pair of arms grabbed her sobbing form and rocked her gently as they carried her out of the room. She gave in to all that she had been feeling and crumbled. All she knew was that she was letting Rachel down again as she was carried away from the unconscious form. _

"San?"

She was brought out of the memory with a tug on her hand. Rachel was still holding her tightly. She looked down and saw Rachel looking down the hallway behind them at a gurney that just passed.

"Will they be okay?"

"I hope so, bug," she said quietly. "Come on. Let's get out of here."

She grabbed Rachel's hand tighter and led her down the hallway. She needed to get out of there. They needed to walk away for all of that.

….

Quinn looked down at her food. She didn't want to eat this. She was sitting on an inflated pillow, called a donut. She was in a house with people that she felt so hot and cold with. She couldn't really focus. Every moment she felt like pinching herself. This couldn't possibly be her life right now. This persistent denial with her own situation was annoying her, she was sure she was annoying everyone else. However, sixteen years couldn't be undone. What she knew was abruptly taken from her. It wasn't as easy as waiting for her prince to come in and save her. Why hadn't anyone put that in the children's books? Rapunzel certainly couldn't easily live happily after once she got everything she wanted. She had been the girl that had been locked up in the tower from the rest of the world for too long. Happiness didn't miraculously take over with a savior. Happily ever afters were over rated.

She looked up from her food and watched as Santana pushed her food around on her plate. Quinn felt a pang in her chest. Knowing that she and Santana and even Rachel had something in common didn't provide comfort to Quinn. It didn't make her feel less alone. It made her shoulders feel heavier. It made the world seem less appealing. She didn't want to know that more people were hurt especially people that she knew.

"Aren't you going to eat anything?" Rachel asked, interrupting Quinn's thoughts.

She gave a small shake of her head. "I'm not very hungry."

Rachel reached for her smoothie. "Would you like the rest of this? You need to eat something to keep your strength up."

She gave a small sigh at the girl's offer. "What will you eat?"

"The stir fry is vegan," Rachel said proudly. "Mom just puts meat in it for San and Noah. I have plenty of nutrients." She offered her the rest of the shake with an outstretched hand. "Please take it. You need to strength. I don't want you going back to the hospital."

Quinn frowned but took the shake. She told herself that she wasn't taking it for herself but for the girl who wanted so desperately to be needed.

Santana watched her sister's care and tenderness toward the girl. It made her feel oddly jealous, but she couldn't really understand why. Rachel was her sister, not Quinn's.

…

Quinn winced later that evening as she pulled on a loose pair of sweat pants. She hissed back the pain.

"Are you alright?" Rachel asked from the doorway.

"How long have you been standing there?" Quinn asked standing up straight and turning to look at the young girl. She scoffed internally. "Are you sure you're not a midget?"

"No," Rachel shot back. "I'm just small for my age," she said indignantly. "Do you need anything?"

"No," Quinn said as she rummaged through the suitcases.

"You can unpack you know," Rachel said as she sat casually on Quinn's bed.

"Why would I do that?" Quinn snapped.

"Don't be angry at me," Rachel said quickly trying not to cower. "We're better than any group home. You know I'm right."

"What would you know about it?" she asked quickly barely looking up.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Rachel asked quietly. Quinn looks up and watches the tiny girl wring out her hands. "Why do you….. why do you keep trying to push us away?"

Quinn searched the girl's face, her postures, anything. She needed to find something so that she could lie to her. Her vulnerability struck her too hard though. It hurt too much.

"Because, Rachel," Quinn said quietly. "I don't want get to know you. I can't."

She finally met Rachel's eyes. Instead of the hurt that she expected, she saw something different. She saw a bravery that she hoped for in herself, but was never able to obtain. And she saw understanding something she never thought could be so full in someone's eyes, especially in an eleven year old's eyes. The girl looked away and began to speak.

"I….. I know that you're scared, Quinn. I … I get it….." Rachel's voice was very quiet. She looked up from her hands and met Quinn's eyes again. "You don't have to let me know all your secrets. You just…. You have to know that I … I'm good listener. And I'll be here, when you're ready to tell me. I know…" She swallowed and her eyes began to mist. Her tiny palmed wiped them. "I know what it's like to feel scared and alone. I really… I want you to know that you have me." She watched Quinn's face carefully. She began to talk very rapidly. "I know that I'm young. And people baby me. I just…. I want you to know that…. I'm here. I already think of you as my sister. And … I just.. I don't want you to be alone. You might feel like if but you're not. You don't have to be and—''

Rachel stopped speaking when Quinn placed her hand on hers. "Rachel," she said with a slight tremor in her voice. "I've known that you were on my side since you gave me your monkey. And….. I wanted to thank you for my lamb. I'm just afraid of you getting hurt by all this."

"You could never hurt me," Rachel said quietly. "Trust me…"

The look in the girl's eyes broke Quinn's heart because it told her simply that someone already had hurt her.

Rachel looked at her hands. "I just. You're my friend. And I care about you like I care about San, and I …. I don't want you to be alone. You don't have to get to know me…. But I hope….. I hope you'll let me get to know you."

Quinn watched the small girl. She searched her eyes.

"Rachel, I….."

"Bug, it's time to get ready for bed," Shelby said from the doorway.

Quinn looked up and saw Shelby leaning against the doorway of door that led to the hallway.

"What are you doing?" Santana asked from the adjoining bathroom.

Rachel nodded and stood from Quinn's bed and started for her mother.

"Rachel," Quinn called out to her.

The tiny brunette stopped and turned to Quinn. The blond gave her a small smile. One could barely see it but Rachel knew it was there, hidden under the armor.

"I'll try," Quinn said. She gave her a serious look. "But no promises."

Rachel gave a nod and smiled enough that it met her eyes.

Shelby came into the room and closed the door behind her.

"Santana, please get Rachel ready. I really want you guys to all go to bed early," Shelby said with a slight arch to her eyebrow.

Quinn watched from the corner of her eye as Santana disappeared into her room.

"How are you feeling?" Shelby asked as she stood and closed the bathroom door.

"Stop asking me that," Quinn said as she stood up.

She walked with an obvious discomfort to her bags.

"Well, I need you to tell me," Shelby said. "You need to get your rest and take care of yourself."

"Stop," Quinn said with a fierceness in her eyes. "Please just stop."

"Tomorrow morning we'll need to change your bandages," Shelby began.

"We are not doing anything," Quinn said facing the woman. "I have it under control. I can do it myself." She threw up her arms and turned away from the woman. "I will do it after my shower."

"Calm your attitude, Quinn," Shelby said. "Plus, you can't shower with your bandages."

"What?" Quinn practically screamed. This couldn't be happening. "No! I can take care of it myself!"

"Quinn, the drains cannot get wet. I can help you with a sponge bath or you can wash your hair in the sink. It's just for the weekend –'''

"No!" Quinn yelled. "No! This is not happening! And we're not…. You CANNOT tell me this now!"

Shelby searched the girl. She could see was on the brink. Now? She thought to herself. She kicked herself internally. Of course, she thought.

"Quinn, you are safe in this house," Shelby began.

"Don't try to shrink me!" Quinn hissed lowering her voice. She ran her hands over her face. Her breathing was shallow. "I…. I need to do this myself! And you're telling me that I can't bathe?"

"It's only for two days and you can wash in the sink or in my shower, but you can't get the drains wet," Shelby said gently.

"Get away from me!" Quinn said backing up from the woman. "I need …. You don't understand. I need to….. stay clean!"

"I understand that you—'' Shelby began.

"No! No! You don't understand!" Quinn said with a yell. She threw her clothes down. She looked angrily at her door. "I need a lock on my door. I need one! I don't know you! I don't …. I don't know what can happen."

Shelby put her hands up. "Calm down, Quinn. You are not getting a lock on your door. No one has them."

"What if something happens!" She asked as she pushed her chair over. "This chair won't protect me. You won't let me do anything. I can't….. I'm trapped here. And now you're telling me that I … I can't … bathe." She looked at her with tears in her eyes. "You don't understand! I need to!"

"Quinn!"

The blond girl couldn't handle this. "No! Don't! You can't protect me. You can't make me better!" Quinn shot her hands up and walked very closely to Shelby. She pointed toward the door and said in a very low voice, "Look at your own children! Look at Rachel! They are broken! I am broken and we're not fixable!"

Quinn breathed deeply into her chest. She was breaking so heavily that it took her a couple seconds before she realized that Shelby wasn't saying anything. She looked up and saw that the woman was pacing slightly away from her. The first thought was that she hoped Rachel didn't hear what she said. Quinn wasn't able to get to the second.

"Quinn," Shelby said calmly. "You are not broken." Her voice was steady. "And neither are they. Your outbursts are expected but they are unacceptable. Your grounding has been extended by two more weeks. We might be able to negotiate if your behavior improves but—"

"Stop being so damn calm," Quinn hissed. "Your quote unquote punishments are full of crap! Just hit me!" She took a step closer to Shelby. She didn't realize that she was shaking in front of the woman. "Go ahead! Hit me."

Shelby watched as the girl got closer to her. "I said hit me! I know you want to. Hit me! Hit me!" Quinn reached out and tried to push Shelby. "Hit me!"

Shelby tightened her jaw and wrapped her arms around Quinn. "Hit me," she heard the girl sob into her chest. She felt the girl try to push her away with her weak body. Shelby held her closer. "Hit me," she sobbed. "Please."

Quinn's legs buckled under her. "Please."

She felt Shelby's arms around her. The comfort seemed so foreign, but she sank into it.

After a few moments, she sat up away from the woman. She looked at her apologetically, but she didn't say anything. Shelby helped the girl sit on the bed. She handed her a couple pills.

"It's the antibiotic and something for the pain," Shelby said handing her a glass of water.

Shelby watched as the girl drank the water and took the pills. She took the glass of water and set it on the dresser.

"Let's get you under the covers," Shelby said gently.

"I would rather….. I would rather sleep on the floor," Quinn said quietly.

"No, Quinn," Shelby said calmly. "It's not good for your body. Plus you have wounds that are healing. In bed. Now."

Quinn was starting to lose it. Exhaustion was taking over. Tears began to flow again. "Please no. Please."

"Quinn, this isn't up for discussion, sweetheart," Shelby said gently. "You're safe in this house. Would you like me to stay here until you fall asleep?"

Quinn frowned. "No," she said quickly.

Shelby watched her face. She met the girl's eyes.

"Well, I'm going to stay for a bit," Shelby said quietly. "Alright?"

Quinn didn't respond. Shelby laid back against the pillows. "Lay back. Come on. How about this? I'll lay here for twenty minutes. If you're still awake in twenty minutes you can sleep on the floor."

"I'm not stupid," Quinn said as she lay on the bed with a smile. "You just drugged me with sleepy pain killers." Her smile faded. "I just….I really hate being in beds."

"I know you do, Quinn," Shelby said. "And that's alright, but we need to work together to help you not be afraid of them." She met your eyes. "You're safe here."

Quinn shook her head. However, with a sigh she let herself relax against the pillows and gave into sleep.

….

An hour later, Shelby crawled out of Quinn's bed. The girl had let sleep give in. She removed herself from the covers and tucked the girl in. She gave her a soft kiss on her forehead and slowly crept out of the room.

She looked in on Noah who was sound asleep as always. However, he hadn't always been easy to go to his own room. None of them had. Shelby opened Rachel's room. Her heart naturally leapt out of her chest when she saw that the bed was empty.

She walked across the hallway and gave a heavy sigh. Rachel was sleeping soundly in Santana's arms in Santana's bed. She gently and quietly lifted Rachel's sleeping form from the bed. She was thankful that Rachel's natural instincts where to wrap around Shelby in her sleep.

As Shelby made the walk back to Rachel's room, she thought about this battle of the beds. It was one that she had been fighting since the day the kids came home. After endless tears, groundings and restrictions, and eight years, Shelby was still fighting this battle. Quinn's words echoed in her brain. They weren't broken. They weren't sleeping independently because Shelby hadn't put her foot down earlier. She had been lenient in that department. She had hoped that they would grow out of it, grow out of that need. She didn't realize how unrealistic she was being, but the girls were now sixteen and eleven and they were more than dependent on each other.

She carefully laid Rachel down in her bed. Her youngest daughter stirred slightly. Shelby soothed her back into sleep by humming quietly as she tucked Rachel under the blankets. She kissed her forehead. No, she thought to herself. They weren't broken. None of them were.

…..

Quinn awoke the next morning with a groan. God, she felt so uncomfortable. She only had two drains but still all she wanted to do was to rip them out. She crawled out of bed and went into the adjoining bathroom. She spotted Santana still sleeping in her bed. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. She closed the door and turned around. Slowly she removed her sweatpants and looked at her wounds. She winced at the sight.

She could take care of herself. She always had been able to. Her ability to control that felt as if it was taken away. She was always able to take care of herself.

_Fifteen year old Quinn looked at herself in the mirror. She had her nightgown bunched at the waist and a tube of cream in her hand. She winced as she made contact with her backside and back. She couldn't really reach where she needed to. He had really laid it to her. _

_ She heard the creak on the loose floorboard. She jumped when she saw her mother at the door. A blink of hope urged her to ask her mother for help. She had a vague memory of her mother holding her. She blinked quickly. She looked at the crystal glass in her mother's hand. Her hope was gone. _

_ "You deserved what you got, Quinn," her mother slurred. "You always do." _

_ Quinn looked at her. She stood there vulnerable as she watched her mother walk away. _

_ She knew that. She knew that she always deserved it, but it didn't make it hurt any less._

"Quinn?" she heard a knock on the door. The girl carefully pulled up her sweatpants and opened the door.

Shelby stood there with a small basket of supplies.

"What's that?" she asked motioning for a tube that Quinn was holding.

"Something that Coach Sylvester gave to me," Quinn said quietly.

Shelby set the things on the counter. She looked at the girl. "Coach knew?"

"She never said anything. She just…"Quinn looked down embarrassed. "Once after a late practice she caught me putting cream on in the locker room. She uh….. She never said a word, but she threw me this tube of cream instead and said it was better because it had come aloe in it. She never said a word though." Quinn looked down. "Or at least I thought she didn't, until right before I came here, she called me into her office….She was the one that called CPS once…. That got me one hell of a beating… well, she uh… she apologized and…. She always put a new tube of this stuff in my locker every month. I didn't really understand why until that moment when she told me that she was the one that called. It wasn't guilt over not telling, it was pity that she couldn't fix it."

"She's been a great advocate for you, Quinn," Shelby said. "More than you know." Shelby paused. "See you're not alone." She took a deep breath. "How do you want to do this?"

"You're not touching me," Quinn said quickly.

"Can you reach back there to clean and change the bandage?"

Quinn looked at her defiantly. "Yes."

Shelby arched an eyebrow. "Would you like to try or would you like me to get it done in five minutes and then be done with it?" She saw the girl examine her face at the possibility. "You can time me if you would like."

"This is humiliating," Quinn grumbled as she turned around.

"Imagine how much worse it would be if they got worse," Shelby replied as she cleaned the wounds.

If Shelby thought that she had made a giant stride with Quinn that morning, her accomplishments were snuffed as soon as the rest of the family woke up. Santana and Quinn were practically ready for battle once they saw each other. The girls continued to bicker around the breakfast table about everything from cereal to the routines in Cheerios. Noah begged to be dismissed from the table, but because rules of grounding, he was forced to stay. Rachel watched with interest. Noah tried to distract her from the craziness but he was failing.

"Girls, knock it off," Shelby said with frustration.

The phone rang and Shelby started toward the phone. "I'm serious," she said as she picked up the phone. "Hello?...Oh, hi Valerie… Yes…. "

Santana and Quinn immediately looked toward Shelby. Shelby caught their eye and turned away.

"Yes. Well, everyone is grounded. ….. Yes….." Shelby looked directly at Quinn. Her eyes indicated interest and hope. Shelby was surprised. She was expecting hesitation. She nodded into the phone. "Actually, yes…. Let's do…..I think that's a good compromise… Yes, ….. I will let them know… Yes…"

"What's happening?" Rachel asked as Shelby hung up.

"Brittany's coming over for a short visit with Quinn," Shelby said sitting back down at the table.

"But we're grounded," Rachel said. She almost fell out of her chair when Santana nudged her.

"It'll be a quick visit," Shelby assured.

Quinn watched as Santana immediately became more tolerable. She and Puck began arguing about his own lack of friends and how that was the reason why Puck wasn't allowed to have anyone over. Rachel was attempting to mediate but failing. Quinn used the argument as her cover as she walked over to Shelby at the sink.

"Yes, Quinn?" the mother asked without looking at her.

"How long will they be staying?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. However long you want them to," Shelby said drying her hands and looking at her. "Brittany does not know about your situation or the details. Mr. and Mrs. Pierce have been respectful of you to answer those questions when you are ready. Do you want to see Brittany?"

"Well she knows I was in the hospital and living here she knows something," Quinn said with a growl.

"Yes, she knows you're living here and that you had a minor surgery at the hospital," Shelby assured. "You do not have to answer any questions if you don't want to. She is your friend still isn't she? And she's worried. Make it casual, light."

"I want Rachel there," Quinn suddenly blurted out.

Shelby gave an amused smirk. "You want her there because she's a distraction?"

Quinn didn't respond at first, but finally, she added. "Santana can come too."

"You don't need them as diversions," Shelby said quietly. "But alright." Quinn gave a nod of appreciation. "This is a quick visit though, Quinn."

"I know."

…..

Santana was grateful for Quinn because of her ability to hang out with Brittany. She had previously thought of using it to her advantage, but Brittany beat her to it. She felt her heart skip a beat when she answered the door. She gave Brittany a grin as she let her and Valerie come in the door.

"Because we're grounded we have to stay in the family room," Rachel announced.

"Rachel," Santana hissed.

The tiny girl shrugged. "What? It's a factual statement."

"Doesn't mean it needs to be announced," she replied.

"Why are you grounded anyway?" Brittany asked Rachel with a smirk as the three of them joined Quinn on the couch.

Rachel sighed. "It's a long story."

Quinn interjected. "You should tell it."

"Really, Quinn?" Santana asked somewhat annoyed.

"Guys," Rachel muttered.

Santana took a deep breath and settled next to Brittany in the family room. She met her mother's eye in the kitchen quickly but then looked away. She settled.

"How are you?" Brittany asked breaking the silence.

"Fine," Quinn said folding her arms. She looked fine, didn't she? "Are you sure you don't want to talk about that thing that you did that got you grounded?"

"I'm glad you're here," Santana said to Brittany with a smile.

"Me too," she said with a smile. She turned back to the blond. "So do you like living here?" Brittany tried again.

Quinn was about to throw out an insult about how it was one of the worst places she had ever stayed but she caught the eyes of the eleven year old.

"It's alright," she finally said. "But I won't be here for long."

Brittany nodded trying to pace herself carefully. "Okay."

"Wait, where will you go?" Rachel asked looking up at Quinn.

Quinn looked over at Rachel and struggled to find an answer.

"I … " She suddenly lost her words. She had been so careful never to let anyone in. And here was this kid with her frank optimism sneaking her way into her life and forcing her to care.

"Yeah, Quinn, where would you go?" Santana sneered. "Are you sure there are any other people in this town who would take you in?"

Brittany shot Santana a glare and the brunette immediately recoiled. "I mean," she attempted to cover. "Don't you not want people to know you were living here? You can't bounce from place to place. You'll blow your secret."

"Shut up, Santana," she hissed.

"Don't tell me to shut up," Santana barked.

"San," Rachel said pleadingly.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"Santana, why don't you help me with some tea please?"

"Mom," Santana began to protest.

"Santana," Shelby said more sharply.

Shelby watched as her eldest daughter stood and went into the kitchen.

"Can you get the mugs please?" she asked.

Santana was watching Brittany talk with Quinn. She watched Rachel lean against Quinn's shoulder. It was bad enough that the night before Rachel and Quinn had a long intense conversation and then on top of that when Rachel fell asleep in Santana's bed, Shelby took her away. None of it seemed fair. Now Brittany was here and Quinn was not even answering her questions.

"Santana," her mother called. "The mugs?"

She nodded and started to bring out the mugs.

"Rachel, have you been giving Quinn a hard time?" Brittany asked with a smile. Santana didn't need to face the blonde to know that she was smiling.

"I have attempted to be the best host that I can be," Rachel said.

Santana slammed the cabinet shut. Rachel's smile faded as she looked over the back of the couch and into the kitchen. She met her mother's soft smile. The older woman gave her an assuring smile. Rachel looked back over at Quinn. Brittany looked back over at the mothers and Santana. She heard Santana slam another drawer. Brittany looked at her mother who gave her a small nod asking her to continue.

Brittany continued with her small talk with Quinn as she hoped to find a glimpse of the friend that she grew up with.

Santana handed a mug of tea to Mrs. Pierce.

"Thank you, dear," Valerie said with a grateful smile.

"You're welcome," Santana muttered.

Shelby poured the last four mugs of hot water into the mugs with tea bags. "Here you are," she said quietly. She held onto the first cup for a moment as she scanned her eldest daughter's eyes. "If you need to," Shelby said quietly, "take a breath. Alright?"

"Fine," Santana said with a whisper.

Santana handed the three girls a mug of tea. Brittany gave a small smile trying to ease her frustrations.

"I don't drink tea," Quinn said setting the mug loudly on the table.

Santana opened her mouth. She was about bark something at her but she caught sight of Rachel looking at her with pleading eyes.

"Fine," Santana said sipping her own tea. "Suit yourself."

A silence fell over them. Rachel looked between the three girls.

"I'm glad you're here," Rachel said breaking the silence.

"I am too," Brittany said quickly and with a genuine air. "The Corcorans are good people." She met Santana's eyes. "They might be tough, but they're good."

Santana felt her cheeks redden. She looked at her hands that were wrapped around her mug.

"Like I said," Quinn said, breaking Santana's thoughts. "I won't be here for long."

"Listen," Santana said setting her mug down with a clang. "We have been more than hospitable. My sister is more than kind to you. And you keep throwing it back in our faces."

"I didn't ask to be here," Quinn spat. "I thought we've been over this. Why are we talking about it again?"

Rachel looked between the girls. Their anger seemed to have formed an imperishable wall around them.

"I know you don't want to be here, but I'm glad that you are," Rachel said quietly.

"Guys," Brittany began. "This is ridiculous. Calm down."

"No, Britt," Santana said. "She has been so rude since she's gotten here."

"Well, consider what she's been through," Brittany began but then immediately regretted it.

"What I've been through?" Quinn repeated. "What the hell do you know? Don't you dare think that you know anything about me."

"Quinn, that's not what I –''

"Don't yell at her!" Santana interjected.

"I think it it's time that we go home," Valerie said exchanging a look at Shelby and Brittany.

"I'm sorry, guys," Brittany said as she stood up.

"No!" Santana said. "This was her!" She pointed at Quinn. "Why are we all being punished."

Shelby watched Santana on the verge of a breakdown. They were too tired for this. She took a risk and they weren't ready for visitors.

"Say goodbye, girls," Shelby said in tone that left no room for interpretation.

Rachel stood and looked up at Mrs. Pierce. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "They're just mad. I know they're happy to see you."

Valerie pulled the girl into a quick hug. "I know that they are too, sweetheart. Thank you for having us."

"This is such bullshit," Santana said in a hushed tone as she glared at Quinn.

"I know, but you need to stop biting each other's heads off. There will nothing left," Brittany gave a small laugh. She let her smile fade. "But seriously."

"Thank you, Quinn," Valerie said with a smile as she put a hand on Quinn's arm.

Quinn stared at the hand as if it was a foreign object. "Uh…. You're welcome. But I don't understand why you're thanking me." She measured out her words carefully. "I want to apologize for Santana and my snappy behavior."

"Always had such great manners and grace," Valerie said. "If you need anything, let me know."

Quinn searched Valerie's eyes. As soon as the words fell out of her mouth, Valerie knew the trap that she created for herself. She knew that she had just opened up a can of worms that she wasn't able to truly open. She and Tom couldn't take the girl. They weren't as strong as Shelby. It was one of those situations where the choice that you hoped you would make was the opposite of what you were actually able to do.

"I'm sorry," Valerie said suddenly.

"I know," Quinn said quickly. "It's fine." She met Valerie's guilt ridden eyes. "It's fine."

"Well come for a visit again," Valerie said finally.

Quinn looked down at her feet. "Yeah that's fine."

"Bye, Quinn," Brittany said as she pulled the other blonde into an unexpected hug. She felt Quinn stiffen in her arms. "I'll see you later, alright?"

Quinn gave a small smile. "Yeah. See ya."

"Thank for the tea," Brittany waved once more from the door.

Shelby let the silence of the room settle on them. Santana was shifting her weight aggressively from side to side. Quinn was looking defeatedly at her feet.

"I don't understand why I can't go home," Quinn said suddenly. It was argumentative. It was deflated and weak. "My mother is fine. I just don't—''

"No, you don't," Santana interrupted. "You don't get it. They didn't remove you for fun, Quinn."

"Why did they remove you from Shelby then huh?" Quinn asked.

"Mom?" Rachel asked quietly.

"Bug, please go out to the basement. Your brother is working out down there. You can watch a movie."

"But we're all grounded," Rachel protested.

Shelby gave her a small smile. "You're being let off for good behavior temporarily."

"And because you want me out of the room," Rachel said as she went down the basement steps.

Once she disappeared from sight, Shelby turned to the girls. Quinn shook her head and started towards the stairs. She opened her mouth to speak but Santana beat her to it.

"What could you possibly think would happen?" Santana erupted. "Your mother is a drunk! You are here because she allowed your father to beat the shit out you and I don't know what the fuck else he did!"

"Santana!" Shelby scolded.

"No," Quinn said as she gritted her teeth. "Let her finish."

"I mean it, Quinn," Santana burst again. "What the fuck could you possibly think! This is not the ideal situation for me either! But I would appreciate it if you would stop pissing on everything that my mother is doing for you."

"What do you know, Santana?" Quinn challenge.

"Quinn, don't start," Shelby said.

"No!" the blond fired back tearfully. "If she can dish it out, she can handle it! Can't you, Santana? Who are you to criticize me? Look at you! Look at your family. You pretend to be all whole and healed. Well, let me bring you down from your high horse!" The three of them looked toward the basement door. The music that was humming slightly in the background was cranked up. They all knew that Noah was attempting to shield Rachel from this argument.

"Quinn, stop," Shelby said stepping between the girls even though they were yards apart. Their venom seemed to bring the room to a stand still.

"NO!" Quinn said again. "NO! NO!" Her body was growing weak and exhausted. She shook her head and looked away to regain her momentum. She finally found her words again. "Your family thinks you're all high and mighty for taking me in, the abused run away.—''

"Quinn, stop it!" Shelby said. Santana's hardened face was beginning to fall.

The blonde continued thanks simply to her own rage. "Don't look at me like I'm the fucked up one, Santana! You're just as fucked! Mine happened recently….. You! Look at you! It happened eight years ago!" She took a step toward Santana. With a shaking breath and a pointed finger and met the brunette's eyes. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare! You're just as fucked up as you were then!"

"That's enough!" Shelby screamed. "Upstairs, now, Quinn! Come on!" She turned to Santana, who was frozen in place. "Go into the study and wait for me." The girl didn't move. I'm serious! Go!"

…..

Shelby walked up the stairs behind Quinn. The girl stormed into the room, but still Shelby knew that she was fighting exhaustion. They entered the girl's bedroom that she was so determined not to call her own.

"Quinn, lay down," Shelby said. "Or at least sit down."

"Leave me alone!" Quinn barked through her tears. "Please just leave."

She saw the rage melt from the girl. She was giving in to exhaustion. She just couldn't fight it anymore.

"Quinn," Shelby started again.

"I said leave me alone."

Shelby stood up. "I don't love you any less," she said as started out the door. "We will be talking about this later."

Shelby gave a sigh as she walked away from the room. She could hear Quinn's muffled sobs as she descended towards the stairs. When she reached the bottom of the stairs she saw Santana standing at the front door with her arms wrapped tightly around her body.

"San?" Shelby asked carefully.

"I can just walk out, Mom," Santana said. Her mother could tell that she intended the statement to be snappy, but it came out more defeated.

"I know you can, Taz" Shelby said with a small sigh as she carefully approached her.

"You can't call me that!" Santana barked. "I'm not that little girl anymore!" She released a shuttered breath. "And Daddy gave me that name! Don't! Don't use it! Especially now! I'm upset! Can't you see that I'm upset!"

Shelby finally reached her and wrapped her arms around Santana. "I know, San. I'm sorry."

Leroy had nick named Santana Taz because of her determined nature. She could still hear her ex-husband's voice in her head. "She is a Tasmanian Devil that one," he had said with a laugh. "It doesn't matter if it's physically impossible, that girl of ours will get it done." Shelby had laughed. "That she will."

She returned to the present and felt her eldest daughter shaking in her arms.

"Don't," Santana said quietly as she tried to push Shelby away. "Just don't."

Shelby allowed her daughter to pull away from her. She felt her heart shatter. She wasn't sure at what point in the past eight years that Santana pushed her away. However, in that moment, as she watched Santana sit as far away from her on the study sofa she knew that Santana was the furthest she had been. Even further than she was eight years ago. When had she built that wall? Why hadn't Shelby seen it?

"Let's do this quiet time," Santana said with a huff.

_Toys were scattered everywhere. The chair was overturned and the coffee table was tipped over. Shelby surveyed the damage with exhaustion. Eight-year-old Santana sat sullenly with her knees pulled up to her chest on the couch. She had just thrown one of her massive tantrums. Shelby had asked Noah to take Rachel downstairs to watch one of her many movies. She knew that Santana felt guilt about that, but she needed to be consistent with the kids. Quiet time. It was basically time out, but instead the parent sat with the child. They both had to sit there. No talking, no toys. Nothing, but silence. Remarkably, it worked. It calmed Santana down. Shelby watched Santana carefully. The girl hadn't had a tantrum like this since they did their visits at CPS. She wasn't sure where this was coming from. However, she reminded herself that it has still only been a month since she got her kids back. _

_ "Santana," she said finally. "Your quiet time is over. Can you please come over here?" _

_ Santana stood in front of her mother. _

_ "I'm sorry," she said with a sullen tone. _

_ "It's okay to be angry, San," Shelby said. "But it is not okay to throw things. Do you understand?"_

_ "Yes," she muttered. _

_ "We need to clean all of this up and then you can go and play," Shelby said. "When you get angry, remember that your safe space is always there. Remember we talked about it?"_

_ "When I get upset, I go there," the young girl said quietly. "I remember." She sighed. "I just…. I got mad." _

_ "I know you did," Shelby replied. "You can be upset about things. Sometimes we know and sometimes we don't. Can you tell me why you were angry?" _

_ "I didn't want her to be alone," Santana said quietly. "I could have just laid with her. I would have let her sleep." _

_ Shelby watched her daughter carefully. "Was that the only thing?" She searched the girl's dark eyes. "I felt as if you were upset when I took her to the bathroom earlier. I also felt that way when I took her binkie. What were you feeling then?"_

_ Santana looked at her hands. "It's my job. All of that is my job." She met her mother's eyes. "I didn't want you to take her binkie. She needs that. She was upset too." _

_ "Santana," Shelby started. "I'm your Mom. Yours, Noah's and Rachel's. You're my daughter and I want you to enjoy being an eight year old kid as long as you can. If you take my jobs, what would I do?" _

_ Shelby grinned trying to relax the girl. She held her hands in front of her expecting Santana to take them. Instead she stared at them quietly. _

_ "San?" Shelby asked quietly. "San?" _

_ "What if it has to be my job again?" Santana asked quietly. "Daddy said that we needed to keep things the same for her so she doesn't get confused…. And you left….." Shelby watched her form her words. "What if you leave again?" _

_ "Look at me, San." _

_ Her daughter looked at her with big eyes. _

_ "I will not leave you again," Shelby said._

_ Santana wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and rested her head on her shoulder. _

_ "But you will," Santana whispered. _

_ "What?" Shelby _

_ "Some day you will," the girl whispered again, almost lower. "Like Daddy." _

_ Shelby gave a deep breath._

_ "Yes, Santana," Shelby said carefully. "Some day I will leave you like Daddy but hopefully not for a long time. Not until way after you grow old. Maybe you'll be married. Maybe you'll have beautiful children. But I promise you, Sanny, that I will never leave you by choice. You're stuck with me. I'll stick around as long as possible. I would give you forever if I could." _

_ "Forever?" Santana muttered into Shelby's neck. _

_ "Forever." _

…

"Are we finished?" Santana finally asked. "Mom?"

Shelby looked at her. "It's been ten minutes," her daughter said.

She took a deep breath and looked at the beautiful young woman. However, all she could see was a sad young girl.

"San," she started.

"I'm sorry," Santana interrupted. "Okay? I was upset."

"Talk to me, sweetheart," Shelby pleaded. "Is having her here too much?"

Santana looked at her. "You're not going to just drop her because it's hard for me," she said almost furiously.

"Of course not," Shelby said. "But I need you to talk to me. It's okay for this to be tough. It's bringing up a lot. Stuff that while we've worked on for the past eight years doesn't mean that it's not just as hard."

"I know, Mom, okay?" Santana said shaking her head. "Okay?" She bit her lip and gathered her thoughts. "I just need some time. Okay? I …. I am upset, but I just…. I can't do this…..I can't do this with you. I can't talk to you about this.….. Not yet at least."

Shelby nodded tearfully.

"What do you need?"

"I don't know, Mom," Santana said exhausted. "I need for people to be better and for me to have a handle on my verbal vomit. I just…." She sighed. "I need for people to be better." She shook her head. "I don't want to talk to you about what I feel because you're just going to try to convince me that it's not true. That we're not broken and fucked up, but we are, Mom. I can barely let Rachel out of my sight. Noah can't let anyone get close to him besides us. Rachel can't cope with fire drills. I mean really, Mom. I'm happy that you took in, Quinn." She met her mother's eyes. "I never said that by the way." She took a deep breath. "I just….I can't hear you tell me that it's not true. That Quinn was wrong, because we both know that she was right." She stood up. "I'm calm, okay? I'm sorry for my attitude and my behavior in front of the Pierces." She met her mother's eyes. "Can I go?"

"We're not finished with this," Shelby said calmly. "But I won't push you." She watched her daughter turn to leave. "Santana?" The girl stopped. "You need to find some kind of compromise with Quinn. I am not going to have these screaming matches every other day with you two. It's just not okay." Santana gave a nod. "Also, San I know that you believe all the things that you just said. However, it's harder to feel all of that. It's hardest to follow through on it. And it's okay if it's too much."

"It's not," Santana said quickly as she straightened. "I can handle it."

"Okay," Shelby said. She looked at her daughter one last moment before she gave a nod. "Thank you for calming down. Let your brother and sister know that it's time to do homework."

Santana nodded silently and left the room.

..,…

She needed a distraction. She needed something to focus her energy on. She busied herself with Rachel as they sat down to work on their school work. Noah even huffed to his seat. He looked over at his sister. Santana caught his eye. She was expecting disapproval. Instead she saw worry. What on earth was he looking at? She frowned.

"Stop staring at me," she hissed as she looked at her history book aggressively.

"San?" Rachel asked quietly.

"What?" Santana asked with a sigh.

"Never mind," Rachel said quietly.

The doorbell echoed in the house.

"I'll get it," Rachel murmured as she stood.

Santana listened to Rachel leave the room and watched as her brother looked after the girl's exit. She met her brother's eyes again.

"What?"

…..

Shelby watched her eldest daughter leave the study. She gave a sigh and headed back up the stairs. Fucked up, she repeated in her head. Were they all just fucked up?

She opened Quinn's door quietly. The girl was curled in the corner of the room in another make-shift bed. Her eyes were closed and she was sleeping soundly. Shelby was thankful she remembered giving her the pain killers. The girl's body was exhausted and it was clear. It was all exhausting.

She pulled the comforter off of the bed behind her and tucked it around the girl. She leaned forward and kissed her.

She heard the doorbell ring. Who could that be? She stood and looked once more at the sleeping girl. She sighed.

….

Santana looked at the brother as she heard Rachel approach the door. He gave her a look that he always gave her telling her to get her act together and fix it. She gave another heavy sigh and stood from the table and walked toward the front of the house.

"Rach," she called out as she entered the foyer.

When Santana rounded the corner all she saw was the figure at the door with Rachel pinned up against the wall and her feet dangling in the air, and in that moment, Santana felt her blood reach its boiling point.

**As always this chapter was supposed to be a little longer, but I realized that it needed to end where it ended. Don't hate me because of the cliff hanger. I've already started on Chapter 13. I hope to have it up asap! PLEASE REVIEW!**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Val-cb – Thank you so much for your review – I hope you like this chapter just as much

Sparkleinthe sun – I am very happy you found this fic as well – thank you for reading! Stay focused

AcexofxSpades - Shelby does make a great mom – but it hasn't always been easy – you'll find out more about dad real soon – never "shut up" - I love reviews

NinjaGleek21 – what would be the fun in leaving it – Santana and Quinn are keeping their hands to themselves right at the moment though – Shelby would never condone that type of behavior – although the two have been close to it – Finn will get what is coming to him – don't worry

broadwaybound2016 – All will be answered in due time my friend ! Rachel is helping Quinn so much – and Santana and Quinn will challenge each other because neither likes to let down their guard – thanks for the review

Hail the Wolves – Thanks – I hope this was soon enough for you

OTHangels – Thanks for the review !

Chickabilly – Your reviews ALWAYS make me laugh – I hope you have no weapons near – but Rachel has plenty of people in her corner to keep her safe – I hope –

bueller – Lima Heights ADJACENT is more like it – Santana and Quinn will find common ground soon but it can't come too fast for these two – they are too alike – More Puck and Rachel coming up so hold on – thanks for reviewing

anon - Thanks for the review – Shelby is a strong woman so keep the faith and you shall see how Mama Bear responds

twilight2892 - sorry twilight- didn't mean to be evil – I'm glad you like it and thanks for hanging with me

Gleek1990 – Did you guess right? Thank you so much for your kind words – I aim to please - - We don't know how Leroy died yet – but we will

Mia – thanks for reviewing – sorry for the suspense

JackyKay – Don't worry Rachel is not in too much danger – Thanks for reading

amandaes417 – Sorry to freak you out – Thanks for reviewing

HIsland429 – It's a long process for the girls but I think they are strong enough – and with Rachel and Shelby helping them I believe they can work through anything - thanks for the review

I-taylorlautner – sorry wrong guesses but thanks for the review – Quinn's dad is locked up tight right now!

RainbowGleek – oh no – but I am afraid you maybe shedding some more tears real soon. Thanks for coming for the ride with me

marinka4 – I don't know who you think it may be but ….. thanks for reviewing and I hope I surprised you – thanks

NayaFan – your reviews mean so much to me! Thank you for your nice words. I hope I can continue to feel the emotions of the characters so deeply.

FacingFuture – thank you so much for your review – I am glad I touched you so emotionally

w1cked – I am sorry for putting your heart in your throat – I hope this chapter came out quick enough for you and thanks for the review

TheTBone – Thank you. I always look forward to your review. I'm not that amazing. I'm just emotional. This chapter though was draining. I wrote the first sequence of scenes that amounted to about 3000 words and I had to take a break because it was too much. I'm so happy you commented on Quinn being begged to be hit. It's heartbreaking and her turmoil will only continue. You'll like Sue more and more I guarantee. She'll save the day more than once, but it will be awhile. Shelby is an incredible woman. She is a pleasure to write. Santana's jealousy will continue but in different forms. Thank you. I hope you like the flashbacks in this chap. Thank you again for the review.

**Warning a/n: This is an emotionally exhausting chapter. Please be aware that it contains discussions about child sexual abuse, neglect, and incest. **

* * *

><p>When Shelby neared the top of the stairs she heard shouting. Quickly she made her way down the stairs and the sight before her made her freeze. She felt her anxiety, fear, and rage explode within her. She was ready to lash out. She was ready to scream, but she saw the panicked look of her youngest daughter and the body language of her eldest daughter. All of this told her that she couldn't scream. She could hear her son's frantic footsteps approaching. She needed to pull it together. She had to.<p>

…

Rachel opened the door and stared at the woman.

"Can I help you?" she asked with narrowed eyes.

The woman frowned at her. "I'm here to pick up my daughter." Her tone was so matter-of-fact and almost belittling that it made the tiny girl pause.

Rachel frowned and looked at the woman. Those eyes and that blonde hair. From far away, she would have looked put together. At one point she may have been considered beautiful. However, in that moment on the Corcoran's front step, she looked like an angry, sad woman playing dress up. Rachel knew exactly who this was.

"Quinn's not going anywhere with you," Rachel said trying her best to muster up all of her bravery from the very tips of her toes.

"What?" Judy Fabray hissed.

"Please leave," Rachel said as she started to close the door.

A white-gloved hand stopped the door from shutting. "Excuse me, little girl, but do you have any idea who I am?" Judy Fabray staggered slightly as she spoke.

"Yes, I do," Rachel said still attempting to maintain her composure. "You don't deserve her. You're a terrible person!"

"Listen to me!" Judy hissed. She bent over and looked into Rachel's eyes. "We do not need your help. My daughter is full of lies. Get her for me now!"

Rachel frowned and clenched her fists. "No!"

Judy stood up and looked at the girl with a scowl. She removed her glove carefully and put her into her fancy coat's pockets.

"I'm not taking no for an answer," she said quietly. And leaned over and looked Rachel in the eyes once again. Rachel let out a small gasp when she felt Judy grab her arms from either side. "And I think that you need to be taught a little lesson."

Rachel let a slightly trembling breath release as she was pushed back into the foyer.

…..

Santana spotted her sister breathing erratically against the wall. This figure had her pinned up in a position that didn't allot the girl the room to move or struggle. Not that she would, a small voice said in the back of Santana's mind. She never struggled. The rage exploded within her heart.

"You crazy bitch!" Santana screamed as she pushed the figure away and caught Rachel in mid air from falling. She immediately pulled her behind her. "Don't you dare fucking touch her. Get out of my house!"

"What the fuck is going on?" Noah asked stepping in front of his sisters. "Get out!"

"Where is she?" Judy screamed from the doorway.

Santana felt Rachel wrap her arm more tightly around her waist and Santana saw the other tiny arm grip to the back of Noah's shirt.

"You and your family are disgusting! Quinn needs to get away from your nonsense before she's infected. She's already corrupted as it is. She needs to be sent away and straightened out. Something Russell and I should have done years ago." She straightened against and looked down at the three Corcorans as if they were beneath her. "I said where is she!"

"You're not going to see her!" Rachel suddenly yelled surprising everyone and stepping up next to Noah.

Santana and Noah weren't fast enough as the woman reached out and grabbed Rachel again. Her fist clenched the front of Rachel's shirt. A feeling that was all too familiar for the littlest Corcoran.

"Listen to me, you little shit!" she screamed into the trembling eleven year old's face.

Santana and Noah were trying to push her off her Rachel without pushing Rachel with her. They were screaming at the woman and trying to pry her hands off of Rachel's thin arms.

"Let go of my kid," an icy tone said from the top of the stairs. The screaming stopped and the four of them looked up at the stairs. "I said, let go of her. Now!"

The woman let Rachel go as if she was molded bread. She scowled at the three kids.

"If you ask me, Mrs. Corcoran, you're children need to be taught some lessons. I can show you that the belt works best."

Santana felt Rachel's head whip around to look at her mother in panic.

"Shhh," Santana hushed as she pulled Rachel closer to her. "Mom would never let her do that."

"Thank you, but you will never touch my children or Quinn again," Shelby said as she came to the bottom of the stairs. She met Judy's gaze and held it. In a calm voice she continued. "Noah, go stand at the door upstairs and make sure no one comes in or out. Santana, take your sister to my room and stay with her please."

"Mom," Santana started.

"Now, San," Shelby said not breaking her gaze from Judy.

…

Shelby watched her children disappear around the landing. She turned to Judy.

"Get the hell out my house," Shelby said again. Her voice was calm and even but not even close to a shout.

"No," Judy pushed as she folded her arms tightly across her chest.

Shelby tilted her head and looked at her. "Are you drunk?" She shook her head. "Look at you. Are you serious?" She shook her head again and reached for her phone in her back pocket. "I will call the police if you do not leave my house now."

"Where is my daughter?" Judy staggered toward the stairs.

"Keep your voice down!" Shelby hissed in a low voice in a way that only a good mother could. "Listen to me, Judy, this will not help you get her back," Shelby said stepping between the belligerent woman and the stairs.

"Bull shit. I did nothing wrong. It's called tough love," she hissed.

"Tough love?" Shelby said in disgust.

"Quinn is a liar," she looked toward the stairs. "Aren't you, Quinnie!" she screamed. "You're the biggest liar! You just tell lies because you want attention." She looked at Shelby. "She's a whore that is trying to blame her destruction on us. We did nothing but love you, Quinn!" She yelled at the stairs. "Nothing but love you!"

…..

Noah followed his sisters up the stairs. He felt his heart beating against his chest. He needed to keep his cool. His mother expected him and needed him to keep his cool. He watched as Santana walked past him with her hands on Rachel's shoulders. He watched Santana's back as she stilled mid-step in the hallway. He allowed his hurried and full mind to listen to the yelling downstairs. He watched as Rachel looked up at Santana and then over at him.

He could see that Santana was tense just by staring art her back. He was mad too. He was furious. He wanted to give that woman a piece of his mind. However, Santana had been right before. He couldn't put Mrs. Fabray in her place the way he had done with Karofsky. It just wasn't the same. He couldn't do that.

"Santana," he called to her. His sister didn't turn around. "Take Rachel to Mom's room."

He shook his head. Santana never listened! He knew his sister. He had known her his whole life and when she set her jaw, her mind was made up. Her eyes darkened and they let the anger take over. She was standing with her back facing him but he knew that if he looked in her eyes that he would see that she was debating. He knew that eight years ago changed them. He was given greater reason to hope and to fight and she was given reason after reason to distrust people around her. That pivotal difference frequently had them at odds. He wished it didn't, but he couldn't change that. He couldn't change what had happened. The primary difference was that he accepted that. Santana still struggled.

And for all of those reasons, he was the one that didn't question standing at Quinn's door and Santana was the one who ached to be downstairs.

"Santana!" Puck yelled out to her. "Get Rachel out of the hallway!"

He watched as Santana looked over her shoulder at him. Her mouth was open as she tried to process his words. He could tell that her own internal battle and the words from downstairs were forcing her feet to stand still. He looked over his shoulder at Quinn's door and the stairs. He took too long strides and put his hand on Santana's back.

"She doesn't need to hear this," his whispered harshly in Santana's ear. "Focus on her."

He met Santana's dark eyes. She gave a slight nod and he watched as they disappeared into his mother's room. He gave a deep sigh as the crazy blond lady's yells increased in volume.

…

Shelby toyed with her cell phone in her back pocket. She kept resisting her urge to look at the stairs. She was hoping beyond hope that her children would stay upstairs. However, she knew her children. She knew that Judy needed to shut up and leave before things got worse and one of them came running down the stairs behind her.

"Get out of my house," Shelby said again. She was sure that Judy had been saying something insulting but her brain was too full.

"You think that you're such a good person for taking my daughter in, don't you? My child is nothing but a piece of shit not good enough to step in. And here you are trying to tell her that she's good enough. You are only encouraging her to become a weaker person. However, look at your miraculous parenting skills. Your children are fucked up."

"Don't you dare, fucking talk about my kids," Shelby hissed in a low voice.

"I will do whatever the fuck I want to," Judy shouted. "Look at you, Shelby Berry. Back to Lima because New York kicked you out?"

"We're not in high school anymore, Judy." Shelby laughed. "Or at least I'm not."

"Oh how coy," Judy hissed. "We're always in high school. Always. You ran away because you couldn't handle it."

"You speak of this town as if it's the gold city," Shelby laughed. She leaned close to Judy and whispered. "At the end of the day, you're still a nothing, Judy. A sad, lonely, weak little girl just like you were before. Except now you're apparently a drunk too." Shelby straightened. "Get out of my house!"

"Sad and lonely? Shelby, you are worthless trash! You're the one that failed. Not me!"

"That's debatable," Shelby shot back. "I have a family that loves me. What do you have, Judy? A drunk husband who's in jail and daughters who don't even know what it means to be happy? What it means to be loved? You don't deserve to call Quinn, your daughter. You lost that right long ago. You failed, Judy. If I remember correctly that's what sixteen year old Judy wanted. She wanted someone to love her, but you became a pathetic whore to achieve that." Shelby made sure to keep her voice low.

"Don't lecture me on parenting! Look at your children. You'll be lucky if your son won't land his ass in prison. And Santana, she lacks any poise. All she has to offer are her exotic looks, if she hasn't started whoring herself out.-"

"Shut up!" Shelby barked. She tried to decrease her raging heart.

"Don't even get me started on Rachel. That ugly little girl will surely get what's coming her. If someone hasn't I bet they are-''

"Shut up!" Shelby screamed. "You do not talk about my children! Ever!"

She kicked herself internally. She had lost her cool. Judy laughed at her. Shelby knew that she had seen that she got to her. The woman staggered into Shelby's personal space. Shelby saw the finger point in her face.

"Listen to me," Judy hissed even more loudly. "I know all about you. I know what brought you back here from New York."

Shelby looked at the woman more intensely than she did before.

Judy cackled triumphantly. "Oh, that got your attention, didn't it?"

"Step outside," Shelby said clenching her jaw.

"No," Judy replied. "I would rather not."

Shelby clenched her jaw and gave the woman a cold stare, one that push Santana's to shame. "It wasn't a request."

Shelby watched triumphantly as Judy took a slight step back.

The blond country-club wanna-be queen took another step forward. "I am not leaving without my child!" She gave a sly smirk. "You think that you're so tough with your New York background. Well, let me tell you how we do it in Lima!"

"I said," Shelby said quietly. "Keep your voice down!"

"Absolutely not! You're children need to hear this!" Judy spat. "Don't pretend that you've protected them from anything! You're children are bastards! You were out violating the ancient laws of motherhood. Working? And clearly," Judy's arm flew out. "You couldn't deliver in the bedroom. You're husband turned fag because you weren't enough of a woman!" Judy's laugh echoed in the foyer. "I'm sure he's burning in hell for his sins. Your faggot children will burn too."

….

Shelby's bedroom was the furthest away from the foyer. Santana groaned internally. Their house was large but they could still hear every word. Rachel squeezed her hand tighter. Santana pulled her close and cupped her hands over Rachel's ears. "Shhh," she whispered. "I got you."

"San?" Rachel asked looking up her.

"You're alright, Rach," she whispered.

"How did she know where we were?" Rachel asked.

Santana's ears perked up. She heard Judy snarl the following words. "You think that you're such a good person for taking my daughter in, don't you? Quinn is nothing but a piece of shit not good enough for a dog to step in and you are only encouraging her. However, look at your miraculous parenting skills. Your children are fucked up."

Santana felt Rachel tense in her arms. She could care less what Judy thought, but she was reinforcing their insecurities. Santana bit her lip. She heard Hiram's voice echo in her memory. "You're a worthless piece of shit, Santana. You hear me. You're only good for one thing. And that's all you'll ever be good for."

"Sanny?" Rachel whispered bringing Santana out of her memory.

"Shhh," Santana hushed. "I won't let anything happen to you."

Santana was rocking Rachel in her mother's bedroom, but she wasn't there. She was downstairs listening to the screaming. She was back in that darkened room.

She heard Judy's voice echo from downstairs. "Look at your children. You'll be lucky if your son won't land his ass in prison. And Santana, she lacks any poise. All she has to offer are her exotic looks, if she hasn't started whoring herself out.-"

Santana felt a tremble in her icy heart. _Hiram hissed in her ear. "You're good for nothing! Nothing!" _

"San," Rachel whispered.

Santana couldn't see that her little sister was watching her retreat into herself. All the older brunette could hear were the screams. _"For the rest of your life, Santana, no one will love you. Ever."_ Suddenly, she was brought back to the present when Judy shouted and Rachel jumped in her arms. "Don't even get me started on Rachel. That ugly little girl will surely get what's coming her. If someone hasn't I bet they are-''

That was it. "Stay here," Santana whispered unconsciously prying Rachel's arms from her body.

"San, no," Rachel yelled after her. "Please stay."

Santana didn't see Rachel grab the cordless phone. She turned to her and knelt to her level. She cupped the tear stained face. She kissed her forehead. "Stay here."

"No, no," Rachel sobbed. "San." She dropped to her knees in the hallway as Santana walked away from her.

…

Shelby heard the familiar creak of her bedroom. Judy's words still echoed loudly in her ears. Her initial instinct to reach out and slap this woman was gone when she heard Rachel sobbing. Fuck, she cursed herself. She knew that Santana was going to come down the stairs any minute.

She heard her son call out to her. She heard Santana say something and then she heard her daughter freeze. Judy's words about Leroy must have been heard because she heard her daughter's steps turn into a sprint.

"Get out of my house," Shelby said again.

"Where is my daughter? Quinn, get your ass down here!"

…..

Noah looked up when his mother's door swung open. He watched his sister storm out of the room. He saw Rachel crumble onto the hallway floor.

"Santana!" he shouted. "Don't!"

He knew that simply by the look in her eyes that she didn't hear him. And in that moment as he knelt down to Rachel he was angry at her again. He tried to get Rachel's attention but she was talking into the phone.

…

Santana heard Judy's words and ran down the stairs. No, no. She couldn't deal with this. She wasn't eight years old anymore. She wasn't going to handle having this bitch in her house. She couldn't talk to her mother that way. She would not talk about her brother and she certainly would not insult her sister like that. It wasn't going to happen. Her heart was pounding so hard that she couldn't hear anything else. All she saw was the blonde at the bottom of the stairs and all Santana wanted to do was to push her to the curb and that was what she was going to do.

Shelby saw her daughter push past her and toward Judy. Thankfully, Shelby caught her around the middle. Santana waved her arms and began to reach toward Judy. She knew to expect this from Santana, but she didn't need it. She could only imagine what Judy was triggering in Santana's mind. However, as she had to plant and replant her feet to keep Santana from lashing out, she wished so desperately that her head strong daughter had listened to her and stayed upstairs.

"Santana," she hissed.

"Get the fuck out of our house, you crazy bitch! Don't you dare talk about my family like that! Fuck you! Don't you fucking talk about my father! Don't you fucking dare!" Shelby felt Santana fight in her arms. " You and your fucking husband are going to hell for the shit you did to your daughter - my father was all about love, you fucking idiot."

"Santana! Santana!" Shelby attempted as she tried to hold Santana back.

"Oh what are you going to do, little girl? Go on, Shelby let her go."

Shelby shot Judy a look. "You just shut up!" She pulled Santana closed to her with all of her strength and put her hand on her angry face and brought Santana's far off eyes back to her.

"Go upstairs, now!" Shelby scolded. "I mean it."

Shelby watched her daughter deflate. She watched her become the scared and tough little girl that she met eight years ago. She kicked herself and mainly wanted to kill Judy for doing this.

"Go," Shelby said again.

Santana shot Judy a look as she settled in her mother's arms. "Get the fuck out of our house."

"Santana," Shelby hissed. "Go!"

Santana shot one more look at Judy and walked up the stairs.

When she arrived at the top she was breathing heavily. She just needed to hold Rachel. She just needed to escape from this. She needed not to hear the voices in her head. Her brother was holding a crying Rachel on the floor at Quinn's door.

"Rach?"

"No," Noah said with a glare. "You left. I got her."

Santana looked at Rachel. Rachel was holding tightly to Noah's forearm that was wrapped tightly around her chest. Santana hated herself more. Rachel wouldn't even look back at her.

…

"I said get out," Shelby said as soon as Santana was out of sight.

"Not until I have my daughter," Judy hissed. "Quinn! Quinn! Get your ass down here!"

Shelby pulled out her phone as Judy yelled and dialed 911.

"I want to report a public disturbance and assault," Shelby began. Judy was so oblivious as she continued to scream at the stairs that Shelby was blocking. Quickly, Shelby explained the situation.

"Ma'am, someone is already on their way. A little girl called just minutes ago." Shelby barely had time to process the situation when the police cars pulled up to her house. Shelby bit her lip. Damn it. Rachel already called. Fuck, Judy for doing this to them.

Shelby felt so far away as she watched in awe as Judy was forced into the police car. She only faintly heard Judy screaming about how she wanted to press kidnapping charges against Shelby. "She kidnapped my kid!" she faintly heard Judy scream. She talked idly to the police officers about the circumstances.

"I would call your case manager. We'll need you all to come down to the station to submit a statement," the officer said to Shelby through her fog.

Shelby gave a nod. "We'll be down as soon as we can," she replied weakly. The adrenalin that pumped through her veins moments ago was settling into her exhaustion from all of this as she soaked in the damaged she would have to repair.

"We'll see you at the station, Miss. Corcoran."

She looked at him with a hard look. Yes, her husband was dead. Yes, they had been divorced, but he had been her best friend.

"Mrs. Corcoran," she corrected. "I never changed my name. We'll see you at the station."

She didn't wait to watch the police car drive away. She turned toward the house with deep breath. She needed to pick up the pieces that Judy shattered.

…

Santana leaned against the wall feet from where Noah and Rachel were huddled. Noah could feel Rachel against his chest. He was mulling over what he was going to say to Santana. All of this was out of control. Santana shouldn't have added her anger to the mix.

"Rach?" he heard his mother's voice. He looked up and saw her kneeling in front of him.

"Is she gone?" Rachel asked quietly.

Shelby nodded. She stood and cupped her eldest daughter's face. "Are you alright?"

Santana gave a shrug. "I'm fine."

Shelby pulled her daughter close and rested her forehead on her daughters. "Santana - its okay, but you need to come back, focus." She met Santana's eyes. She knew she needed to catch her. She needed her to stay in this moment. "Breathe." She took a deep breath and was relieved to see that Santana was following her. "Why don't you take Rachel, okay?"

"No, Mom," Noah interrupted. "She can't. Look at her."

Shelby looked at her son. "Noah!"

"What, Mom? She fucked up!"

Shelby leaned down to her son and took his angry eye trying her best not to scare her youngest who was still in his arms.

"You need to calm down, do you hear me?" she said gently. "You're not helping right now." She looked at her three children. "We need to go to the police station. I need to wake Quinn up. Please go get ready."

"Mom," Noah said. "Can't I stay here with Rachel?"

"Rachel has to come to give her statement," Shelby said from the door. "This isn't a discussion, Noah."

Shelby took a deep breath and went into Quinn's room.

She was still sleeping soundly on the floor. Shelby gave a sigh. Thank God. It was bad enough that her children had to hear that lunatic. She didn't need this girl breaking down more at words that Shelby was sure she had heard her whole life. She gently sat down next to the sleeping girl and shook her shoulder. "Quinn," she whispered. The girl didn't move. She tried again. "Quinn?"

The girl gave a groan. "Yeah?"

"I need you to sit up," Shelby said in a tone that conveyed so much that it brought Quinn out of her blissful stupor. Those pain meds really knocked her out.

"What…What happened?" Quinn asked looking at Shelby with a vulnerability that one has when one first wakes up.

Shelby searched the girls face as she rummaged through her head for the words that would be least hurtful.

"Your mother stopped by," Shelby said.

Quinn shot up. "Oh my god, is she still here?" She saw Shelby shake her head. A strange relief washed over her. She began hurriedly, "I know how she can be but…." She trailed off when she was met with silence. She soaked in Shelby's body language. "Oh God, what did she do? If I just talk to her things will be fine. Just let me speak to her. I can be out of your way."

Her ears suddenly perked up to the quiet crying outside her door and Noah's failed attempt to keep his voice down.

"God, San!" she heard him say. "Why can't you just listen? You scared her?"

Shelby stood and opened the door. Quinn caught view of everyone. They weren't the same people that Quinn had seen earlier. While there had been a despair and rage in Santana's eyes before, she now looked more shattered than Quinn had ever seen her. Rachel was practically in a catatonic state and Puck was livid.

"Come here, bug," Shelby whispered to Rachel and led into Quinn's room and into the bathroom. "Wash up please."

Quinn watched as Shelby returned to the other two. "You're not helping, Noah. Go cool off."

Noah stomped away and Shelby looked at her daughter silently. "San?"

"I'm fine," Santana whispered as she headed down the hallway. "I'll get ready."

Quinn watched her leave and caught her eye briefly. What had happened? Shelby turned to look back at Quinn.

The blonde was trying to go over everything in her head. She had gone to bed devastated. She had been crying. Santana's words were echoing in her head. She was fucked up. She knew that. However, now she was awake and apparently her mother came by the house. What impeccable timing. She gritted her teeth and swallowed her regret. Her mother always knew how to take a shitty day and make it worse.

"What happened?" Quinn asked.

Shelby took a deep breath and sat on Quinn's make-shift bed on the floor. "Come sit with me, please."

Quinn folded her arms. "I would rather stand."

"Your mother wanted to see you," Shelby said after a few beats. "She yelled a great deal of things and everyone heard it. Santana yelled at her also and tried to physically remove her from the house –''

"She did?" Quinn asked with a frown. "I-I-I-…. You should have woken me up. I would have just gone with her."

"That's absolutely not an option, Quinn," Shelby said seriously. "Absolutely not."

Quinn looked away. "So…..Where is she?"

"The police arrested her." Shelby let the words soak in. She watched a panic rise in Quinn's chest.

"She's going to kill me," Quinn muttered, clearly more to herself than Shelby.

"She will not come near you. Jackie is meeting us at the station. We need to file a complaint, a restraining order, and charges for assault."

"Assault?" Quinn asked with urgency. Shelby knew from the girl's eyes that she knew what her mother was capable of.

Shelby hesitated. The anger in her own heart was still surging. She needed to pull it together.

"What did she do?" Quinn asked.

Shelby took a deep breath. "This is not your fault. None of this."

"What did she do?"

"She grabbed Rachel," Shelby said finally. "Pinned her against the wall."

"Oh god, is she okay?" Quinn asked looking at the bathroom door.

"Yes, she's shaken up but she's okay."

Quinn fell to the bed behind her. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening, she repeated in her head. Her thoughts were broken when she felt two tiny arms snake around her mid section.

"I care about you. You're my family," Rachel said into Quinn's stomach.

Quinn winced slightly because the hug was so hard, but she didn't care. She looked down at Rachel, she could see finger-bruises on the outside of both of Rachel's arms. Her mother did have an iron grip.

"I'm sorry, Rach," she said hugging her back.

"Don't be."

Shelby noticed Rachel's back rising and falling with hitched breaths. She placed her hand on the tiny girl. She looked at Quinn. "Please be ready to leave in about twenty minutes." She turned to her baby girl. "Come on, Bug."

Shelby led her down the hallway to her room. She hears her son step frantically after them. Rachel sits quietly in the big glider in her room. Shelby knelt down to Rachel's level. The nebulizer was still on the side table. Rachel gave a small groan with tearful eyes.

"It'll be really quick, bug," Shelby said as took the mask attachment from nebulizer. She saw Rachel protest. "The mask is still attached. I know you don't like it as much, but I want to get down to the police station as soon as possible, alright? Rachel gave in settled in the chair as she watched her brother pace into the room.

"Noah, please get ready to leave," Shelby asked as she looked at her son briefly while she pulled out an outfit for Rachel to wear. She hated this. Saturdays were supposed to be lazy. The kids were all still dressed in sweats and relaxed clothing. And now they needed to go down to the station.

"No, Mom," Noah said. "I'm not going and neither should Rachel. Look at her."

"I'm right here," Rachel said under the mask with frustration. "Mom, I can pick out my own clothes."

"Noah, get dressed. I need you there. I need Rachel there. I need San there. Go get dressed. I am not arguing."

Something fell down the hallway and Quinn's frustrated groan echoed down to them. Shelby put her hand on her son's back. "Go." She turned and looked at Rachel. "Finish that whole thing, bug," she instructed as she walked down the hallway.

As she walked into Quinn's room, she caught a glimpse of her eldest daughter in her room through the open bathroom doors. She was sitting quietly on her bed looking at her hands.

"Gah!" Quinn yelled bringing the attention back to her. The girl was frantically throwing things in the suitcases. One of them had apparently fell off of the bed.

"Quinn, Quinn," Shelby said wrapping her arms around the girl.

"No, no," she said. "I'll just leave. I'll leave. I've caused so much trouble. Please just … I'll go home. I'll leave."

Shelby cupped the girl's frantic face and forced her to look at her. "No, no. Focus on me, Quinn. This is not an option. You belong here now. You did not cause trouble. She did." She looked intensely into Quinn's eyes. "Do you hear me?"

She gave a small nod even though she knew her heard didn't believe it.

….

They arrived at the station. Lima wasn't a big city or even a bustling town. However, the police station still had a feel, a universal feel of anxiety. Noah hated coming here. It didn't matter if it were the police in New York City or in Lima. They lie and say that they're going to protect you, but they don't. Eight years later he still hadn't been able to get over the disappointment that he felt. The shield had let him down and had made his and his family's life more complicated. He shook his head and then they tried to say that they were helping him when he was an angry pre-teen. No, that's not how it worked. Perhaps he had been uncontrollably angry then. He stood by his family. Michael Hartland deserved to be pushed through that window. He had pushed Santana and called her a name. He believed that John Brandwyne deserved to have his jaw broken when Noah caught him pushing Rachel into the mud when she was eight. The police had told him he was wrong. Perhaps he had been angry, but he hadn't been wrong. The police told him he was wrong.

"Noah?" he felt a tug on his hand.

"Is Santana okay?" she asked as she looked back over her shoulder.

He shook his head. He frowned taking in Santana's appearance. "She's fine." He convinced himself. He took her hand and led her into the station.

_The glass of the window shattered with a loud crash. Scraping his arm again the sharp edges, he managed to climb his way out of the window and onto the fire escape. He ran as fast as he could down the stairwell and onto the busy streets of New York the air filled his lungs. It was like he could breathe again. They had been stuck in that studio for months. He knew exactly where to go. He was going to get them help. He was going to do it. _

_ He sprinted down the sidewalk and wove through the crowd. He remembered exactly where the police station was. All they needed to do was go in there and shoot him. They would shoot Hiram and then he and his sisters could go back to their brown stone. He was nine years old. That was how it worked, right? It was like a reset button on the Super Mario Brothers Game. He just had to get to the police station._

_ He ran through the doors frantically. _

_ "Help! Help! I need you to shoot him!" _

_ Suddenly the whole station was staring at him. A man in a suit approached him. _

_ "Calm down, son," he said. "How can we help you?"_

_ "My sisters!" he said breathlessly. "He's hurting them! Please!"_

_ He saw other officers exchanging looks. _

_ "What's your name, son?" _

_ "Noah Corcoran." _

_ His head was down as he tried to catch his breath. He didn't see the look of realization fill everyone's eyes. _

_ "Give me the address," an officer said._

_ "It's at my dad's old studio," he said. "We were supposed to sell it years ago." He took a deep breath. "We've been there forever. Please," he said as he searched the officer's eyes. "My sisters are screaming. I … I couldn't get in. Please!" _

_ He heard officers talking. He barely got the gist. "….. I thought we checked that….. It said it was sold… Get units over there now….."_

_ Noah finally caught his breath and stood up straighter. _

_ "You're going to bring them here and they'll be fine, right?" _

_ An officer looked at him honestly. "No, son, that's not how it works." _

_ "What do you mean?" Noah asked. _

_ "You did the right thing coming here," he began. _

_ "Not if you're not going to bring them here," he shouted. "You're supposed to save us! You're supposed to help us!"_

Noah felt a tug on his sleeve.

"Watch them please," Shelby said to him. He gave a nod as he looked over at Quinn and barely glanced over at Santana. He watched as Shelby led Rachel into an interview room.

…

Quinn sat quietly on the wooden bench in the hallway of the police station. Her shoulders were tensed and raised. She couldn't believe she was back here.

She chewed her lip unconsciously as she stared at the dirty floor. She squeezed her eyes shut. Her mother had showed up at Corcorans. She had made a vow long ago when her and Brittany were closer that no one would ever see the terrible reality that was her family. She didn't need the pity but most of all she couldn't cause that hurt. She had failed.

She looked up when she heard the familiar footsteps of Jackie entering the station. She met the woman's eyes but at the same time felt herself sink deeper into her thoughts. For sixteen years, she tried her best to simply survive and get through her days. She never expected a better life. She simply wanted to survive. She felt so out of control but keeping this secret of who the Fabrays were was something she never wanted to be saved from. She never wanted anyone to know. Now she was here, three weeks later and everyone knew. Everyone.

"Please," she said to Jackie as Jackie came up to her. "Just let me take her home. I'll try to get Shelby to drop the charges. This is my fault. I did this. She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me."

Quinn saw the interview room open from the corner of her eye and Shelby and Rachel step out. She didn't break her gaze from Jackie. "Please. This is all my fault."

Jackie knelt down to the sitting, exhausted girl. "No, Quinn. It's not. This is not your fault. It's mine for not doing something sooner."

The blond girl chuckled and shook her head. "You can't keep saying that. It was never your job to do anything."

"Actually, Quinn. It is."

Quinn shook her head and leaned back against the bench. She pressed her palms together and squeezed them between her knees. She was trying to release the tension and the pressure she felt in her heart. It was all too much. If she had just stayed in the damn house. Her mind drifted to a few weeks earlier.

_ Quinn felt the cold fall air embrace her and hide her in the darkness of the park. The stale sweat and the sticky blood the saturated her clothes an hour ago was now at the bottom of her hamper. And the shame of arousal was concealed in the darkness of her room, but lay exposed on the sheets of her bed. _

_ She shivered at the thought. Two years. Ever since she became a woman had her father felt the necessity to treat her like one. She squeezed her eyes shut. She thought that it was worse once Frannie left, but it wasn't. That wasn't the worst part. She felt silent tears slip down her cheeks. She could still feel him on top of her, grunting and moaning. Even when she had been with Finn to try to escape her father's scent and touch….. she felt him. She felt him everywhere. _

_ But there had been something different about this night. Even though her father's words and actions were the same, for the first time, she froze in the fear that this was her forever. As her body betrayed her for the countless time, she asked herself tearfully if this would be forever. Would this be her life in five years? Ten years? Her parents had never been like the Pierces and she had never expected them to be. She knew that they simply couldn't. However, there was a moment as Quinn lay trembling naked in the bitter darkness next to her snoring father where Quinn wanted out. She couldn't remember when she wanted that. She couldn't remember when she wanted any of that. She knew despite the brightness of the moon against the contrasting darkness that enveloped the small town that she needed to get out. She needed to regroup and remind herself that she didn't deserve to want more. _

_ Now she swung on the swing in the park. She wasn't afraid of the dark. She knew was what out there. People as individuals were much more unpredictable. She couldn't trust anyone. At least with her family, she knew what to expect. _

_ Suddenly she felt a light shining in her eyes. _

_ "Miss?" _

_ Her head shot up. Two police officers were heading toward her. Shit, she thought. Shit. _

_ "I'm heading home," she said quickly. "I'm sorry." _

_ "We'll drive you. Do you have any idea how late it is?" _

_ Fuck, Quinn thought. "I know. 'm sorry. I'm fine. I live just over there," she lied. _

_ "I'm sorry, Miss, but you're clearly a minor and ….." The female officer trailed off. "Are you alright?" _

_ Quinn looked down at her appearance. How could she have been so stupid? She looked horrific. She was in baggy clothes. Her face was tearstained. Thankful her bruises were covered. _

_ "Have you been crying, Miss? Is everything okay?" The officer reached for her and she flinched. She watched the officers exchange a look. _

_ "I-I-I'm fine," she said. She watched the officers exchange looked. She needed to think fast. "It was my boyfriend. We had a fight. I'm fine… Please, just let me walk home." _

_ "Can't, kiddo," the officer said. "Why don't you tell us where you live so we can talk with your parents about this boyfriend?" _

_ "No!" she shouted immediately. Think, Quinn, think. "Please. Please just let me take care of it." She started to jog away slowly. "Please leave me alone."_

_ She tried to pick up speed but her body was too exhausted. She barely got a few yards before she felt a hand on her arm. _

_ "You're not going to run off. We can take you home." _

_ She looked at the two of them. She looked into the darkness of the park. _

_ "You won't get far. What's your address?" the officer asked. Quinn stared at them. She needed to accept defeat. It would make it easier. _

_ Her heart was in her chest the whole ride home. She told herself that if she hit the police officer they would arrest her and she wouldn't have to go home. She wasn't sure what would be better: Being arrested or going home. She was still debating when she pulled up to her house. Her home. She shuttered. _

_ She walked up to the front door and waited in anxious fear for someone to respond to the doorbell. She watched the lights flicker on. Please be my mother, she hoped. Please. The front door flew open. Her father opened the door. Shit, she thought. _

_ She was frozen as the officers talked to him. She couldn't even hear what they were saying as he plastered on his public smile. All the Fabrays had it. All she could focus on, though, were the two scratches above his eye. She had forgotten that she had done that. Shit. Shit. Shit. _

_ Her father caught her eye. Her ears opened to the conversation. _

_ "I apologize officers. She caused a lot of trouble for you." Russell reached out to take her hand. Up until that point he had held steady, but he was about six inches off. Quinn knew he couldn't see straight when he was drunk, he normally just felt his way around. _

_ "Sir, have you been drinking?" _

_ Quinn instinctively took a step back and an officer caught her back so she didn't fall. She let out a gasp of pain. She kept her eyes shut. Her heart pounded. Shit. _

_ "What's going on here?" the female officer asked. "are you hurt?" _

_ "No, no," Quinn said quietly making an effort to step toward her father. _

_ "She's fine," Judy said coming to the door. Quinn noticed that she staggered. _

_ "Ma'am, have you been drinking?" _

_ "I'm in my home. I'm not driving," Judy said. "We were all sleeping." _

_ The officers exchanged another look and Quinn held her breath. "It seems," one of them finally said. "That your daughter is hurt. Wouldn't you want to get that checked out?" _

_ "She's fine," Judy said grabbing Quinn's wrist. _

_ An officer was trying to catch Quinn's eyes and Quinn was trying her best to avoid it. _

_ "Do you feel safe here?" the officer finally asked. _

_ Quinn met her eyes and made the biggest mistake. She hesitated. That seemed to be all that the officer needed. _

_ "Sir, Ma'am we'll need you to step outside please. I will not release your daughter to you."_

_ "Because we were drinking in our own home?" Judy argued. _

_ "Because you're drunk and I have reason to believe she doesn't feel safe here," the officer clarified. "Please come to the vehicle and we'll do a breathalyzer test." _

_ "Officer, this is unreasonable. We didn't do anything wrong. My daughter is out of control," Russell explained. _

_ "It will be better if all of you come down to the station," an officer began. _

_ "Absolutely not," Russell said stepping out of the house. "Quinn, get into the house." _

_ Quinn looked at the officers and then her father. _

_ "I apologize for the inconvenience. This is my fault," Quinn said evenly. _

_ "See?" Russell asked as his put his hand on Quinn's back. "She's fine. _

_ Quinn coiled in pain letting out a sob. _

_ "You're daughter needs medical attention," an officer said. _

_ "The hell she does," Russell spat. "Look for yourself," he spat. Judy saw what he was doing. He was trying to call them on their bluff. _

_ "Don't listen to him. He's drunk," Judy spat. _

_ The female officer met Russell's gaze and said gently to Quinn, "I'm just going to take a quick look, Quinn. Okay?" _

_ "Please don't," Quinn said. _

_ "Do it! I did nothing!" Russell announced. "She's a minor she has no say! You'll find nothing." _

_ "You're an idiot," Judy hissed as the officer looked under Quinn's sweatshirt. _

_ "They won't look, Judy! They-'''_

_ Russell Fabray had been wrong. Quinn froze. Here it was four o'clock in the morning. She was standing with her drunk parents on her front step. Her past and present exposed for everyone to see. _

She was back in the present. People had misunderstood. She hadn't been running away from her family. She had been trying to repave her path back to them, back to the only life she knew.

"Noah, take Rach and San out to the hallway please," Shelby asked kindly. She watched as her children silently left. All of them lost in their own thoughts. "What does this mean?" Shelby asked looking at Jackie and then back at Quinn.

"Well, Judy didn't pass the breathalyzer test. She will be held here probably until Monday. Unless someone can pay her bail," Jackie shook her head. "She'll have a bail hearing Monday that will also set her trial date. I do have to say, though, Quinn, this doesn't help her in getting you back."

Quinn shook her head. "I don't…. I don't know."

….

Rachel watched her sister from Noah's side. She was thinking terribly hard.

"What's wrong with San?"

"I don't know and I don't care," Noah said with a frown.

"Why are you being so mean to her?" Rachel asked.

Noah shook her head and gave an annoyed chuckle. He hugged his baby sister closer. "Why are you never mad at her?"

Rachel gave him a small side smile that showed her dimple. "Because she's San and I'm Rachel."

Rachel climbed off of the bench and walked over to Santana who was sitting on the bench down the hallway by herself. She pulled herself up on the bench and looked at Santana. She then looked away as she tried to father her words. She looked at her again trying to figure out how to say them out loud. Then she looked away again.

As always, Santana beat her to it and spoke first.

"I'm so sorry, Rachel," Santana whispered.

Rachel looked up at her with big eyes. "For what?"

"For leaving you," she whispered as her tears fell.

The tiny girl shook her head. "You didn't….. you never have."

"Rach," Santana said turning to her. "I left you today…. Upstairs. And I….''

"No, you didn't," Rachel shook her head. "I just…. I didn't want you hurt. I know you wouldn't leave me. You never have." Rachel searched her eyes with worry. Santana turned away from her.

"That's not true," the older girl said with a distant look.

Rachel reached out and took her sister's hand. She felt Santana flinch. "It is, San. You were always there….." Rachel looked at her hands. "Even when…. When….. he did it to me."

"Rachel," Santana whispered painfully. "It wasn't the same."

Rachel looked up at her sister with a furrowed brow and a trembling lip. "That's not true, San," she muttered. She scanned her sister's face. "….He did it to you, too…"

Her voice was so small that Santana felt like her last bit of strength slipped out of her. The older girl shook her head and pressed her lips together. Her brow furrowed as she failed to withhold her tears. "You …... You don't understand….You won't." She couldn't contain her sob and she leapt to her feet.

Rachel felt her breaths hitch her chest. "San! San, wait!" she finally managed to say. She felt tears cascading down her cheeks. She frowned and scanned her memory. Her chest heaved. What did she mean?

…..

Shelby watched as Jackie talked quietly to Quinn. She suddenly saw a Styrofoam cup shoved in her face.

"You look like you could use some coffee," said a voice.

She looked over and a tall man with soft eyes and dimples that made her think of her children.

"Thank you," she smiled.

He held out his hand. "Inspector Baker." He smiled. "But you can call me Gus."

Shelby gave a nod and a slight small. She looked over her shoulder and watched her son scowl more deeply and her daughters chat.

"We've worked together in the field before," he said casually. "With the Conner case awhile back."

Shelby was barely listening. She could see something in her eldest daughter's eyes. Something was wrong.

"We appreciate the work that you do," Gus said with a nod acknowledging that she wasn't paying any attention.

She watched as Santana's face began to crumble. She felt a pang in her heart. Something was most certainly wrong. She watched as Santana ran crying out the front of the station.

"I'm sorry," she said with a shake of her head. "Please excuse me. Jackie, I'll be right back."

…...

Santana ran outside. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. It felt like her brain was exploding and her heart was crumbling all at once. She felt the tears sting her eyes and the lump ache in her throat. She wasn't going to do this. This wasn't happening.

"Santana," she heard her mother call.

The burning in her eyes and the ringing in her ears only allowed her to see a blur of her mother.

"What's going on, sweetheart?" Shelby said as she caught Santana's arm.

Santana shook it off. "No," she sobbed. "Don't. Leave me alone."

Everything that she had built, all the promises that she had swore to keep, and the past that she so desperately wanted to leave behind was all tumbling. Noah's words rang in her mind. _**"You left. I got her.**_**" **She had left and she had failed. In the back of her mind, the tiny sane person was reminding her that she was just trying to protect her family, but she couldn't hear it. Quinn's words rang in her ears. _**"You're just as fucked up as you were then!"**_ She wasn't that brave, tough person that she tried so desperately to be. She was weak. She was so weak. Judy's words pounded in her head. _**"I'm sure he's burning in hell for his sins. Your faggot children will burn too."**_ She wasn't good enough. She never would be.

Santana couldn't breathe. Everything that she had screamed at Quinn felt like nails in her heart as a reminder of what a terrible person that she was and always would be. She had been caught in the echoes of what had been since the ride home. It all ached. It had been eight years ago, but it felt like an open wound. She was safe in Lima with her family, but her anxiety was so high she felt like she was being chased again, only to be caught and pulled back under.

One top of all of it, the way Rachel looked at her. The hope and the care in her young eyes brought Santana to her most guilty point. They were the same eyes that begged to be saved during the dark evenings. Santana never could.

"San," Shelby tried again. The woman pulled her daughter into a tight embrace trying her best to calm her. "Breathe, kiddo. Mommy's right here."

"I left her. I left her," she repeated into her mother's chest.

Santana tried in vain to push her away. She couldn't be held. She couldn't. She turned and saw Noah, Quinn and Rachel standing at the steps of the station.

The mother squeezed her eyes shut knowing exactly what had been triggered in her daughter.

"San, you never left her," Shelby said lifting her chin. She paused and scanned Santana's eyes. "You fought, my darling girl. You always did. You have never left her."

"I did," Santana said managing to release herself from her mother's arms. She waved her arms as her wet eyes grew wide. "Can't you see? It's me! It's always been my fault!"

"No, San," Shelby tried again to reach for her daughter. Santana was too fast and began to storm away.

Shelby's heart broke as her eldest daughter's giant, angry strides halted and she sat dejectedly in the middle of the parking lot.

Santana turned to her mother tearfully. "She thinks….. She thinks that we…." She trailed off and shook her head. "I can't do this, Mom," she whispered. "I don't ever want to talk about it. Why is this coming up? Why am I feeling this?"

If she wasn't already kneeling in the parking lot at the police station, Santana would have crumbled to the ground.

"I can't," she repeated as she shook her head and looked at her mother. "I can't." Shelby knelt down in front of her and pulled her into her arms.

Shelby suddenly felt a tiny body wrap itself around Santana and lean her head against Shelby's arm. Breaths hitched in the chest of this new person. Shelby loosened her grip. Rachel was then able to move in and hug Santana tightly.

"I'll never leave you, Sanny," Rachel whispered into her big sister's sobbing form. "I got you."

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><p><strong>Please review. It would make my day because I have to work today and tomorrow. <strong>


	14. Chapter 14

Rhettlee- Thank you for your review !

SuzQQ – Thanks for the review – Noah and Santana will work on their differences I promises. Noah will always protect his sisters ! All of them – which at the moment includes Quinn – they will be more like siblings – no romance between them. You may be seeing where Shelby gets some of her strength from shortly – thanks again for the review

wintergirl123 – I am glad you love the story – We'll see where we go with Britt and San but Puck and Quinn are going to stay more as siblings

I-taylorlautner – How could you not like Judy – she is so maternal (haha) – Puck and Santana will work out their differences – Santana is just so sad right now –

w1cked – You will have to get in line to kick Judy's a$$. Do you really think a few months in jail will help poor Judy? Something tells me it may take more than that – I am glad you are enjoying this and I hope to continue to please you!

RainbowGleek – Judy was a surprise to everyone! She has shaken things up quite a bit. It will take a while to get over some of the damage she has done. Thanks for the review.

FacingFuture – Yeah – Judy is a boatload of crazy and you will get a little more insight on Quinn's upbringing real soon. Thankfully she slept through mothers visit – she lived it so seeing it live in front of other people would have been awful! Puck and Santana will work it out I promise – siblings have their issues. Rachel will always be the optimist! Thanks for taking the time to review my story – it keeps me going!

Chickabilly – Your reviews are epic. I cannot get over them. Hold on tight, your level of hatred of Judy may increase, but don't worry….I have something planned. Puck's flashback is so sad and funny. I agree. However, this chapter too is filled with paradox. They're gut punching if you know what's coming. ;) Rachel is very sweet. Well, I revealed a great deal in this chapter. Though I'm still teasing, hopefully I answered some questions. I hope.

Gleek1990 – I am honored that it is your favorite fic – you will find out what Santana was talking about sometime in the future. I don't think San is ready to reveal that – Thanks for your kind words. I hope to keep you entertained.

val-cb – Thank you!

dreamchaser888 – Your review was beautiful. Thank you for the kind kind words. Shelby is a very strong woman and she has had to be. She is going to turn each one of these kids into strong adults trust me on that.

Twilight2892 – Quinn parents love their alcohol! What a way to be raised. Hopefully we can keep her away from the parents of the year – Puck's past will be revealed more and more and I am glad you liked it. All the kids have a lot of guilt they need to work through – thank you for your review – they always make me smile

OTHangels – There is plenty more to come with Brittany and Santana! Santana needs it. Quinn and San will be a bumpy ride – they are just so much alike in so many ways! Thank you for taking the time to review my story – I am glad you are enjoying it.

AcexofxSpades – Don't get me started on the show! I am not a fan of how they portray Shelby or any of the ladies actually – I am not sure how long this story will last – but it wont be ending anytime soon – as long as my readers keep wanting more. Thank you for reviewing!

cpasq9 – Poor Santana is a bit lost right now but with Shelby and some therapy I am sure she will be finding her way – Thank you for the review.

WittyNinja – I aim to please ! Keep reviewing it makes me very happy.

ArmyOfWuh – Good torture? I don't mean to kill you or tease you – its just that Santana has to let things out in her own time. It's a process and there are some things right now that she just can't let out yet. But soon I promise. I hope you stay with me! Thanks for your review, I am glad you are enjoying it – I think?

marinka4 – I don't think the Fabrays are on anyone's Christmas card list. They certainly aren't on Santa's good list! I am thinking things for the Fabrays are not going to get better anytime soon I just hope the youngest Fabray can be saved.

Random Dice – Noah has his issues too and trust me with Shelby as his mom – he will work out his issues with Santana – they have just hit a rough patch. This was certainly wasn't one of Judy's finest moments. Thanks for the review.

othlvr16 – There will be some happy moments – how can there not be when we have Rachel being Rachel - - but this family has a lot of work to do but trust me – there will be some joy. Thank you for reviewing.

NinjaGleek21 – Stand in line to hit Judy – I don't think if Shelby let Santana reach her we would have much left of Judy – Santana will work it out sometime too and she will get happy again.

Renata – I promise you I try to get these chapters out as fast as I can! I hate making my readers wait but these take time I promise you! All of your questions will be answered in the upcoming chapters too! Thanks for the review.

TommyH – Thank you!

jennifer0912 – yes it is a slow unravel – I am glad you are feeling better – Thanks

amandaes417 – Your review almost made me cry. Thank you so much. I try to do my best to capture everyone's emotions. There will be plenty more Shelby/Rachel moments too. I am really happy that you love this story so much. Thank you

SparkleInTheSun - Rachel is very adorable – thank you for reviewing. The reviews keep me focused and I want to get the chapters out faster for my dedicated readers.

broadwaybound2016 – Thank you so much for your review. I am trying my best to keep everyone entertained with my tale ! I think Rachel is the one that is going to keep everyone connected together – she is just that kind of person. I do my best trying to get all of these chapters out as quickly as possible. But I only want to give you the best and this family has been through a lot so hang in there and we can take this ride together!

Cissy Black Malfoy – Santana is so complex – she will show her vulnerable moments too. She has had to be so strong for so long it is harder for her walls to come down right now. Thank for the review

TheTBone – haha. First of all thank you, I always look forward to your reviews. I have a feeling that this might be a hard chapter for too. Santana's anger is surely a breaking point. As you will see by the end of this chapter, Sanny has a lot to deal with. Rachel is unquestioningly the strongest in a lot of way because she's eleven and possesses an innocence that not all of them have. However, time makes you older and children get older. Just to warn you, you may, just may, need a box of tissues for the last scene. Don't skip ahead, but your heart may break again for San. I loved your favorite parts. There's a lot that Quinn is coping with. You will see. Shelby is fantastically wonderful in mama-bear mode. And I'm super happy you caught onto her and Gus! let me know what you think.

NayaFan – Oh Puck never forgets that he has another sister – he just knows how different they are! Don't worry – Puck and San will find their way – I hope you enjoy this chapter and I always look forward to your reviews. Thank you so much for your review – Santana and Puck are closer in age so he feels he can care for Rachel more- I am glad you are enjoying it

Miriam – Thank you so much for the kind review. This was a very emotional chapter but there are more to come for this family – Stay tuned and I hope to keep you entertained.

Wentzie72 – More flashbacks are coming – I am glad you liked the chapter.

Anons – I know you want updates and I try to update as quickly as I can but I only want to put out my best work and tell the story the way it should be told. Thank you for sticking with me and thank you for your patience.

**PLEASE READ: this chapter was all sorts of trickery. I revealed some but not all. You all really set the bar for me this last chapter. I'm starting to think that the only direction I can go is down. I haven't watched last night's Glee yet. I hope you like the chapter. Thank you all for your support. I am continuously humbled. PS. a certain someone who has done so much for me, mentioned to me that in this part especially she kept picturing the gorgeous Taye Diggs as Leroy. Once that was said, i couldn't help but agree.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Chapter 14<p>

Shelby folded the kitchen towel after she finished washing her hands. The house was so silent it was strange. Four children and barely a noise. Things had been silent with the drive home from the police station. Things were silent when they picked up take out for dinner and dinner itself had been brutally silent. Noah kept glaring over at Santana, who seemed to have Rachel permanently snuggled into the older brunette's side. Quinn picked at her slice of pizza as if it were a delicacy.

She had barely been able to coax some food into the kids. Even Noah only ate half of the large pizza that he normally ate. She gave a small scoff. Perhaps it was an upside that her son wasn't vacuuming up the obscene amount of food that he normally consumed. The older three had left the table without a word. Shelby caught Noah glaring at Santana. She had a feeling that he wasn't just mad at Santana for leaving Rachel distraught with him. He was mad about the same thing he was always mad about with Santana.

Shelby had been looking out the window after dinner trying to gather her strength, when she felt a small tug on her side.

"Mom, can I help you?" Rachel asked quietly.

Watching her baby girl help her wash and dry the dishes, she remembered the pang deep in her chest. Shelby never felt so helpless. She felt terribly because Rachel kept looking at her with her dark questioning eyes. She wanted too badly to tell her daughter that things weren't complicated. She wanted to tell her that they were all going to be alright. She wanted to tell her that what happened eight years ago wouldn't affect their future happiness. However, Shelby could only give her youngest daughter a sad smile, begging her to be patient.

Now everyone was up in their bedrooms and Shelby was sure that they each were staring off into space left only with their own turmoil. She heard a little rustle. She gave a smirk, maybe all except for one. She took a breath and climbed up the stairs. She had just hung up with Jackie on the phone. They talked about Quinn's therapy. They were originally scheduled to only meet with Jackie. However, because of the surgery and now because of the most recent Fabray family member exchange, she had to rearrange the schedule so that Santana and Quinn could go to their therapy appointments.

She peeked into Quinn's room first. The girl was pretending to read a book from her make shift bed on the floor.

"Could you please start on the bed tonight?" Shelby asked. She knelt down to the girl's level. "Is there anything that I can do to make you feel safer in our house?"

Quinn's mouth opened as she tried to process Shelby's words. She knew that she must have given it away; her make-shift bed was clearly a textbook example of "child who does not feel safe in bed." It was clear why she couldn't sleep in a bed. That safety was violated too long ago. She saw that Shelby was trying. How do establish a safety when feeling safe feels more foreign than feeling threatened? She chewed on her bottom lip and gave a shrug. Shelby motioned for her to stand.

Quinn shook her head. "You should be with Santana or Rachel…..My mother ruined this day. She ruined everyone's day. I'm the one to blame, not the one you should be …." Quinn paused. "Whatever it is you're doing."

She was silent as Shelby examined her drains and the wounds. She heard her faintly mutter that they looked all right.

"Quinn, look at me," Shelby said gently. "You're here because I want you here. Your parents have let you down in so many ways because they are weak and unhappy people. They always have been. You, my dear, are an exception. You are strong, brave, and incredible." She paused for a moment before continuing. "In more ways than you know. So I am thankful that your parents made a mistake and made a beautiful girl that is nothing like them. Do you hear what I'm saying?"

The girl searched the woman's eyes. "Are you going to say stuff like this to me every night?" She gave a tiny smirk.

"Absolutely," Shelby said. "Get used to it."

"Is Rachel alright?" Quinn asked as she sat on the bed. Shelby handed her the antibiotic and a pain pill. Quinn took the antibiotic but shook her head at the other pill. "I don't need that. I'm feeling better."

"Are you lying?" Shelby asked without hesitation.

Quinn was taken aback by her honest question.

"No…." she said swallowing the antibiotic.

"Taking this doesn't make you weak," the mother told her. "Please just take it until the drains come out and then you don't need to take them anymore".

"Well, it makes me feel like I am," she whispered. "Can you…." She searched for her words. "Can you tell Santana that I'm sorry?"

Shelby took the glass from the girl. "You can tell her yourself in the morning."

Quinn groaned internally. "I would rather not," she muttered.

"The two of you need to swallow your pride," she said leaning down and kissing Quinn on the top of her head and handed the girl the small lamb. She locked eyes with the girl. "Not your pain. I'll see you in the morning, sweetheart." She stopped at the door. "Come get me if you need anything. Okay?"

Quinn gave a small nod. She watched Shelby disappear from sight. She wouldn't, but the fact that the offer was presented was enough. She tilted her head and softened her gaze. She pulled her legs up to her chest and settled against the headboard of the bed. She gave a smirk. Sweetheart, she repeated to herself as she rested her chin on her knees. She gave the tiniest of smirk that one would need a microscope to find. That was nice.

Shelby closed the door most of the way and made her way down the hallway. Rachel's bedroom door was open and she could see her youngest rummaging around her room.

"Bug, please get ready for bed," Shelby said peeking her head into the room.

"I'm looking for George, Mom," she said quietly as she continued to look. Shelby reached over Rachel's bed that was snug against the wall. Leroy had always insisted that the kids' beds started out against a wall. Like a lot of things, Rachel never grew out of it. George was wedged up against the wall between the mattress and apparently keeping two other stuffed toys.

Shelby gave George to her daughter. She watched as Rachel shifted her weight from foot to foot.

"If you want, after you've gotten ready for bed, brushed your teeth, combed your hair, maybe you can come snuggle with Sanny and me," she said quietly. She traced her fingers over the bruises on her arms. "How does your arm feel?"

Rachel shrugged a single shoulder in the arm that wasn't coddling George. "Does San want to see me?"

Shelby gave a small chuckle. "She always does, bug."

She closed the door leaving her daughter and went down to her son's room. She gave a gentle knock.

"Yeah?" she heard her son answer. It was important if you had a teenage son to knock.

"Hey there," she said as she entered the room. She gathered up a pile of her son's clothes. "You really need to clean in here, buddy," she said with a smirk.

She sat on the bed and looked at her eldest, her boy. "You know, you need to talk to her," she said carefully.

"She's so damn irresponsible, Mom," he spat. "She doesn't listen. She just… Does whatever she wants. She doesn't think about Rachel. She just doesn't think."

"Noah," Shelby said with a soothing breath. She watched her brave boy who sported that ridiculous Mohawk. "We need to let our children express themselves," she heard Leroy whisper in her memory. She remembered laughing at him. "Wearing purple and orange every day may be expressing themselves, but drawing on the wall with peanut butter is not a form of expression as much as it is a headache," she remembered telling Leroy when one of the kids was looking at them with a sheepish grin covered in mess.

She returned to the present. That was a long time ago. Shelby looked at her son. "What are you really angry about?" she asked.

He shook his head angrily. "She doesn't listen. She doesn't listen." His voice was low and uncharacteristically distant. "She doesn't… I'm supposed to …. I'm supposed to protect her and she never lets me. S-She never even lets me get close."

There it was. Shelby sat up straighter. There was the issue.

Shelby watched her son. She had seen him like this many times before, but the one that came to mind was at the park six years ago, soon after they moved to Lima.

_Shelby propped Rachel on her hip and ushered her son through the emergency room doors. _

_ "She's an idiot!" Almost twelve year old Noah said with a frustrated sigh. _

_ "Noah!" Shelby scolded. _

_ "She was trying to push that bigger boy away from me," Rachel whispered loudly into her mother's ear. _

_ "I was going to take care of that!" Noah said with a stomp. _

_ Shelby looked at her eldest with a sigh. She spotted Santana on the exam table. A doctor was stitching up her arm. The five year old scrambled out of Shelby's arms and ran over to Santana. _

_ "Are you okay?" she asked carefully looking at the stitches in awe. _

_ "She's fine!" Noah huffed. "Always are, right San?"_

_ The ten year old narrowed her eyes and glared at her brother. "Why are you being such a spitwad?" _

_ "Santana!" Shelby said with a sigh. _

_ "You're the one who is acting like a selfish idiot," Noah barked back. _

_ "That's it," Shelby said as she lifted Rachel on to the exam table. "Bug, stay here. Noah, come with me. Santana, watch your sister." _

_ "Careful, Mom. She might punch the doctor," Noah spat._

_ "Come on," Shelby said as she pulled her son into the hallway. Once down the hallway she looked at her angry boy. "What's up, dude?" _

_ "Nothing," he huffed. _

_ "Really? That didn't seem like nothing."_

_ "Well it was," he sighed. _

_ "Noah, look at me. Focus," she said gently kneeling down to his eyelevel. _

_ He sighed and his frown softened. "We made a promise." _

_ "What type of promise?" Shelby asked carefully. _

_ "She was…. She was supposed to let me help her. I'm the big brother!" He looked at his mother. "I'm the big brother!" _

_ She gave a nod and realized what this was about. "You're not a bad big brother." _

_ He leaned against the hallway. "I'm the big brother," he repeated. _

_ "You are," Shelby said as she combed her hand through his dark hair. "And right now they need you to be in there and not yelling back here. Can you do that?" _

_ He shrugged. _

_ "Noah, you're a good big brother," she said trying again._

_ She watched him soak in her words. _

_ He frowned. "She needs to stop acting like the big brother. I'm the big brother." _

_ She realized she wouldn't get far with this conversation. "I know, Noah, but you have to let San be the big sister. And plus none of you should be punching anyone." She gave him a small smile. "That's why Daddy nicknamed San, Taz. Remember why?" _

_ Noah smirked. "Because she's crazy and destroys everything in her path?" _

_ Shelby tilted her head. "Not exactly, but kinda." She laughed remembering her best friend and ex-husband. Her son interrupted her thoughts. _

_ "Even if they hurt Rachel?" he asked defensively. He sounded angry but she saw her son's trepidation._

_ She searched his eyes. This was such a difficult topic. "I'm the grown up. You're the kid. You come get me." _

_ "What if you're not there?" he asked honestly. _

_ She looked at him honestly. "I will be." She sighed. "Your sister punched this kid instead of coming to get us. She should have walked away." _

_ Noah gave a smirk. "We're Corcorans, Mom. We don't walk away without a fight, remember?" _

_ "That's a phrase," Shelby said with a smile. "I mean in theory."_

_ He frowned. "So you lied?" _

_ Shelby laughed. "No, but that doesn't mean that we fight with our fists." _

_ Noah frowned deeper. "Then what do we fight with?" _

_ Shelby laughed. "Let's go check on the girls. Talk to her later please?" _

_ He gave a shrug. "I guess… but only because she's my sister." _

_ Shelby nudged her son. "Especially because she's your sister." _

"Mom?" Noah asked forcing her to come out of her memory. "Promise me something?"

She looked at him carefully. "Quinn can never go back and live with them. Okay?" He shrugged. "She's practically my sister now… and ….. It can't happen. Okay?"

"I'll do my best," she said with a smile. "I'm proud of you, buddy."

He shrugged. "Whatever."

She watched him cautiously before saying, "Your dad would be proud of you."

His reaction didn't change. He shrugged again. "Whatever."

"Talk to your sister tomorrow please and apologize for being a punk?" She smirked when he gave a small smile at her words.

He smiled and said, "Only because she's my sister."

"Especially, because she's your sister," she corrected.

…..

Shelby took a breath outside of Santana's door. She put her hand on the wooden door. She took a moment to bring her strength together. Santana had always been so tough. Shelby knew even eight years later that she didn't know all of the nasty things that Hiram had whispered in her daughter's ear. She didn't know all of the damage he had really done to her, but she had never been able to push her to tell her. Santana did what she wanted in her own time, or, Shelby thought with a chuck, at Rachel's time.. She knew that all of her children had endured so much, but she didn't know the side remarks. She was always on the outside of that experience. She didn't know what had happened. She had only been able to gather the pieces that they had left scattered like breadcrumbs over the past eight years.

She knocked gently and walked into the room. Santana was curled up in her bed in a fetal position. She had her back turned away from her. Shelby could see her back heaving with shaky breaths. She bit her lip. She had been afraid of this. She wondered how her tough girl was really handing Quinn's insults and Judy's bitter fury. She knew unquestioningly that Santana would never back down from a fight. She felt it when she was trying to hold the girl back from Judy and she heard it in the daggered words Santana was always so quick to fire off. Santana's continually fortifying shell was not something that she questioned. It was what she was really feeling. It was all of those whispers and the insecure, little girl that lay beneath the tough skin that she wondered about.

Shelby walked across the room and peaked through the slightly ajar door that led into the bathroom. She saw Quinn through the bathroom sound asleep on the bed. She gave a small sigh of relief. She closed the door most of the way and turned to her daughter.

"Oh, Taz," she whispered.

She crawled into bed next to her eldest. She saw Santana's shoulder droop slightly. She knew that Santana must have shifted her eyes slightly, realizing her presence. She wrapped her arm around Santana's middle with one hand and with the other she gently brushed her hair out of the girl's face. There were so many reasons why the girl would be upset, but a feeling deep in the pit of Shelby's stomach told her that she didn't really know what had pushed Santana over the edge.

"Shhh," she soothed. "Shhhh."

Shelby didn't hear the door creak open. She didn't even hear the tiny sock-clad feet tip toe across the wooden floor. She only realized that Rachel was in the room, when she crawled onto the bed. Her light weight barely shifted the mattress. She watched with a slight smile as Rachel crawled with George's hand gripped in her own palm. Her youngest snuggled in front of Santana and the older girl instinctively pulled Rachel close. Shelby continued to gently run her hand through Santana's hair as the girl sobbed.

Rachel rolled over slightly and looked up at her sister. She reached her free hand up and wiped away her sister's tears. Her hand lingered and cupped her sister's cheek. She gave her big sister a soft smile and snuggled into her chest. Her sister was wearing one of their father's old sweatshirts. Rachel didn't remember much about her father, but she knew that smell. She associated the smell of the cologne that Santana sprayed periodically into her father's old sweatshirt not just with the man she never truly got to know but with her sister that never left her. She felt Santana's sobs heave into her as she gripped on tighter to her trying her best to convey that she would never leave too.

Shelby was reminded in that moment all that she didn't know about the girls: all the secrets that they shared and kept hidden. Santana rolled onto her back and allowed Rachel to settle her head on Santana's chest. Shelby continued to comb her hand through Santana's hair as she watched two of her three girls succumb to sleep as she heard the gentle snores of her third in the other room.

…

_ Leroy poured the coffee into his mug. He brought it up to his lips and watched as his ex-wife stared at him across the island. The giggles and squeals of their three children seemed to offer suitable background music. _

_ "What?" he asked with a chuckle. _

_ "Marriage, already?" she asked with tilt of her head and an arch of her eyebrow._

_ "Hey," Leroy said with his charismatic and hardy laugh. "I thought you weren't going to judge. Plus isn't this conversation a little late? The wedding was yesterday." _

_ Shelby shook her head and took a sip of her own coffee. "Have you met me?" _

_ He shook his head with a smirk. "Oh, Shell. I mean come on. What do you expect? We're in love. We care about each other." _

_ She smirked. "Don't give me all this love crap, Leroy. Anyway a blind, deaf mute could see you're in love. However, I don't know …. He just seems….." As she searched for her words, she caught his weary eyes. "Don't get me wrong. I think you deserve every happiness." She went back to frowning. "But there's something that seems off. I don't want you to get hurt." _

_ He set down his mug and put his hands gently on her arms. "We're best friends aren't we?" _

_ She rolled her eyes. "Yes."_

"_I mean I think only best friends can somehow made a marriage work after almost ten years—''_

"_Nine. Almost nine," Shelby said with a chuckle. "Don't be a hero." _

"_And three beautiful children," he said with an arch of his eyebrow and another grin. _

"_What's your point?" Shelby laughed. "By the way, I think those beautiful kids of ours are up to no good. I don't hear them." She frowned and strained her eyes. "Kids?" She shot her ex-husband a panicked glance. "Do you think they put Rachel in the dryer again?"_

_Leroy shook his head. "Nah, I talked to them about that." He saw Shelby's frown of worry. "Taz?" he called out._

"_Yeah, Daddy?" They heard a tiny voice from down the hallway. _

"_Why does she always answer you without question?" _

_Leroy smiled with pride. "San's my girl. Noah and Rachel love you more. You have two. Let me be San's favorite." _

_Shelby laughed. _

_ He continued, "Are you and Noah being nice to your sister? You didn't package her up in a box to send her to Grandma or put her in the dryer again did you?" _

_ "No, daddy," Santana hollered back with a giggle. _

_ "What are you doing, sweetheart?" Shelby called out. There was a long pause. "Santana," Shelby repeated. _

_ "Paintin'!" Rachel chirped. _

_ She heard the hushed whispers of Santana and Noah._

_ "Guys," Leroy called out with his warning tone. _

"_We're cleaning it up," Noah's voice assured from down the hallway. Shelby and Leroy exchanged looks. "And Rachel too!"_

"_Do not put her in tub until we get there," Shelby said carefully. "You have two minutes and your father and I are coming back."_

"_You guys were supposed to be getting ready to go to your Mom's," Leroy warned. "Two minutes beginning now." Leroy turned back to Shelby. "Where were we?" _

_ "Something about having beautiful children," Shelby said. _

_ "Right." He took a deep breath. "Shelby, Hiram won't change anything." _

_ "That's crap and you know it," Shelby said her smile fading. She looked down the hallway to make sure no little heads were peaking around the corner. "I'm not upset about the changes. I want you to be happy. I really do. I just….. Something is off with him. I can't explain it." She met Leroy's eyes. "The kids don't like him either you know." _

_ "Because they are afraid that they'll lose you," Leroy said. _

_ Shelby shook her head. "I can't do this London thing, Leroy." _

_ "You have to!" Leroy said with a grin. "It will be incredible for you career!" _

_ "I'm a child psychologist," Shelby said with na arch of her eyebrow. _

_ "With a two Tonys," Leroy said forcing Shelby to grin with pride. He shrugged. "London's what? Three months? Just in time for Rachel's birthday." He laughed and looked at her seriously. "You know you're just getting cold feet about London because you're afraid you'll come back in three months and the kids will like me better." _

_ Shelby chuckled. "You would be too. I've never left them for that long." She bit her lip and gathered her words. "I trust you with my life and our children, but I don't know, Leroy. Hiram …. Is….." She saw Leroy's look of betrayal and agitation surface in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I know. He's your husband and the love your life. But we made a promise not to lie to each other and I don't trust him." _

_ The smile was gone from Leroy's eyes. He shook his head slightly. "Well you need to figure out how because he's the kids' stepdad now." He started to walk down the hallway toward the kids. _

_ "Leroy, don't be mad." _

_ The man stopped mid step and took a beat before turning around. "I'm not mad. We'll be fine, Shelby. I promise." _

Shelby's eyes snapped open in the darkness. Leroy had lied. She looked over at the girls and could see that they were both sleeping soundly. Santana's arms were wrapped tightly around Rachel and the tiny girl curled into them as if they fit perfectly as the old monkey hung, neglected by the bedside. Shelby kissed them both lightly and pulled the comforter up around them. She glanced at the bedside clock on Santana's night stand. 1:09am. The side lamp was still on. Shelby reached behind the clock. Several photograph frames littered the dresser. Mostly of Santana's friends at school. However, there was one in the back that Shelby knew that Santana never had the heart to put away nor the strength to bring out front with the rest. It was a picture of the five of them. The kids, her and Leroy. It was before the divorce, before Hiram, and before everything felt like it was falling apart.

Shelby carefully pulled it out and held it in her hands. She looked at it with wistful silence. Rachel about eighteen months. It had been a trip to the beach to look at the ocean. Rachel was sitting on Shelby's lap. She wasn't looking at the camera though or, if Shelby remembered correctly, was holding still. The baby girl was looking up at Shelby with a grin. Noah was standing no the ledge that Shelby was sitting on with his hand resting on Shelby's shoulder. She remembered that he had been so proud because he had climbed it by himself. Nevertheless, the arm that wasn't holding Rachel still on Shelby's lap was clamped around Noah's middle. Her eyes settled on Leroy and she felt a lump in her throat. She missed him everyday. Everyday she wondered what life would have been like if he was still alive. She shook her head. In the photograph, he was smiling his goofy, open-mouthed smile. He was mid-laugh. Both of his arms were holding Santana steady by her knees as she sat on his shoulders. He was leaning against the wall right next to Noah. Shelby felt herself pause as she took in Santana's frame. Santana had never looked so happy. She was laughing and staring down at her father. Shelby shook her head remembering why. In Santana's left hand was an ice cream cone. It was dripping on Leroy. Shelby laughed. As soon as the photo had been taken, the ice cream tumbled onto Noah. What a mess.

She silently put the picture back. It was a picture of what was and what never would be. She stood up and walked quietly down the hallway. Noah was sprawled out on his bed more than usual. A restless sleep for sure. She climbed over the obstacle course that was his room and pulled him limbs all back onto the bed and covered him gently with his blankets.

She stopped last as always at Quinn's. As she entered the room, she noted the suitcases in the corner. She needed to help Quinn unpack those again and she would be sure to put them with the other luggage in the basement.

She gave a sigh. Quinn, of course, crawled onto the make-shift bed on the floor. Shelby helped the groggy girl back into bed after checking her wounds making sure that things hadn't come out of place. She tucked the girl back in and lingered at the door before she turned back to her own room. Things might feel shattered and broken and perhaps they were in a way, but they weren't going to break. She closed the door and went quietly to her room. She settled in her own bed trying not to remember all that she could have done better. She took one last glance at the clock 1:42am before she closed her eyes.

…

"Mom?"

Shelby opened her eyes. So much for lazy Sundays, she thought to herself. She cracked open her eyes.

"Yes, bug?"

"Can I lay in here?"

Shelby sat up. She looked over at her clock. Seven-thirty. She sighed and looked at her little morning bird.

"Of course," Shelby said as she sat up. "Did you come in here because Santana's still sleeping?"

Rachel nodded. "I don't understand why we have that rule."

"What rule? The no waking up teenagers on Sunday until ten AM rule? You'll see someday, Rach," Shelby said wrapped her arms around Rachel. "Hopefully you will discover the luxuries of sleeping in." Shelby gave a sigh. "Listen, bug. Your sisters and brother might be really exhausted today. So at ten am you're not going to pounce on any of them. We're going to let them wake up on their own."

She looked down at the girl in surprise when she didn't hear any protests. "What?" she asked.

"You said sisters and brother," Rachel said.

"Oh," Shelby said, not realizing it. "So I did."

"I like that," Rachel muttered as she lay on her mother waiting for the day to begin.

At eleven-thirty, Shelby was still in the same position. Rachel was getting hard to contain. Much to Rachel's confusion Shelby finally suspended her grounding restrictions and allowed her to go to Kurt's for the afternoon. Rachel needed to get out of the house and Shelby needed time with the three older kids.

She checked on Santana first and saw that she was still sound asleep. She didn't even need to look in on Noah because she could hear snoring down the hallway. She stopped at Quinn's door and saw that the girl was sitting up in bed.

"Morning," Shelby said gently coming into the room.

"Hi," Quinn grumbled as she sat up.

Shelby promptly grabbed the supplies she needed. "This won't take long. Okay? I promise."

The blonde searched her eyes. She knew the trust was there. She laid silently on her stomach and allowed Shelby to left her shirt and clean the wound on her back. Her heart beat in anticipation of second drain the one just below the cleft of her ass. She wanted all of this to go away, to just go away. She heard Shelby talking to her quietly attempting to distract her but it wasn't working. They finished with drain on her back and there were a few beats of silence before Quinn felt the lump in her throat as she removed her sweatpants. She turned her head away and rested her cheek on the mattress. She let a silent tear trickle down her face as she let herself sink into her memory.

_Seven-year-old Quinn felt her breath hitch in her throat. She stared at the shattered glass. She knew what was coming if her parents found out. _

_ "You're going to get it," Frannie said as she scurried out of the kitchen at their mother's approaching steps. Too late._

_ "Quinn!" her mother screamed staring incredulously at the broken glass. She reached out and roughly grabbed her arm. She shook her by her arm and pointed at the glass. Quinn could barely make out what her mother was saying as her teeth shook in her head. "Glass, Quinn! … No! …. Bad! You're such a klutz! …. Wait until your father gets home!...I can't believe you!..." _

_ She focused her thoughts of her mother's words as she felt a sting on her backside. She barely had time to register as her mother dragged her down the hallway and into the study. She hated the study. She was only in there if she was in trouble. She felt her mother push her into a kneeling position and then bend her over the automan. _

_ "Hold still," she muttered as she lifted Quinn's dress and yanked down her underwear. Her mother stood again. Looking down at her with disapproving eyes. "Now, what do we do when we're bad, Quinn?"_

_ "We count and apologize," Quinn whimpered. _

_ She hated this. They never told her how many she was getting. They didn't want her looking forward to the end. Her father said, "You need to be grateful for all that you are given." She knew she deserved this for breaking the glass. It was her fault. _

_ Her whole body surged forward as her mother brought down the paddle that taunted Quinn's every existence. _

_ "One—I'm sorry."_

_ The paddle came down again forcing Santana forward. _

_ "Two—I-I-I'm sorry." _

_ Her mother continued until she got to ten. She grabbed Quinn's arm and dragged her to the corned. She tucked the bottom of her yellow dress into the back collar of her shirt so her reddened backside was on display. _

_ "Stand here until your father gets home," she hissed as she brought her open palm onto Quinn's burning rear. "Do not move from that spot, Quinn."_

_ Her underwear pooled around ankles and her bottom seared in pain. Her father barged into the room later and grabbed her by the arm. Hitting her repeatedly with his palm forcing her to swing in the air. _

_ "You're useless, Quinn!" her father said repeatedly. "Breaking everything!" _

_She simply cried out as what was burning became raw, simply because of a shattered glass._

"Quinn?" Shelby asked bringing her back to the present. "Quinn, sweetheart, we're finished."

She hadn't realized it but she was sobbing on the bed. She lay with her cheek still pressed against the mattress letting out the anguish in her heart.

Shelby reached out and put her hand on the girl's back. She frowned sadly when the girl instinctively flinched.

"Quinn, let's put your clothes all the way on okay?" Shelby said to the sad girl. "Quinn?"

She let out a shaky sob. She was humiliated and shattered. She needed to maintain some level of dignity. She allowed Shelby to help her adjust her clothing and she sat on the bed and stared ahead. She felt numb. She suddenly heard shuffling and she returned to her reality. She spotted Shelby opening and closing drawers and laying her clothes neatly into them. She even began opening up the closet and hanging her dresses.

Quinn wipes her tears. "What are you doing?"

"Helping you unpack, of course," Shelby said with a wink.

"This isn't my home," Quinn replied with a bite.

"Yes, it is if you want it to be," the mother replied casually. "I won't have you living out of a suitcase."

"Please, I've done enough," she said sobbing.

"Quinn, you're not to blame," Shelby said gently kneeling in front of her.

Quinn looked at her for a moment and then shook her head. "I can't do this_,_" she whispered.

"Do what?"

"You need to stop being so nice to me," she muttered. "I …. I don't what to do."

Shelby smiled. "You'll learn to figure it out, wont you?" She returned to her task and started folding her clothes.

Quinn set her jaw. She stood and walked over to Shelby. "I can do this," she said barely above a murmur. "They're my clothes. I don't want to be totally useless."

"You're anything but," Shelby said with another kind smile that Quinn was afraid of growing accustom to. "I would love you to tell me where you want your things to go. We can do it together. It'll go faster."

The blonde gave a small nod. "Sure." Puck rolled out of bed around noon. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sauntered down the hallway. He peaked in Rachel's room and it was empty. He looked across the hall into Taz's room and she was still sleeping. He frowned. Without Rachel.

He didn't even bother knocking. "Ma," he called out. Quinn and Shelby turned and looked at him.

"Noah, knock please," Shelby scolded.

Quinn arched and eyebrow at him.

"Sorry," he muttered. "Where's Rach?"

"Get off her tail," Quinn said surprising Shelby and Noah equally. "She's fine. She's eleven years old for Christ's sake. She's not some helpless turtle lying awkwardly on her back in the middle of the highway."

Quinn deflated slightly when she caught Noah and Shelby staring at her. Noah looked at his mother with a laugh. "I'm surrounded by extagen."

"Estrogen," Shelby corrected still staring at Quinn. "Feel better?" she asked the girl.

Quinn stuffed more clothes into her dresser and began again. "I'm telling you. You're going to suffocate her like crazy if you don't knock it off."

"Whatever, Roadrunner," Noah shot back with an eye roll.

"She's at Kurt's," Shelby said still watching Quinn aggressively put away her clothes.

"At Hudson's?" Noah said annoyed.

Quinn frozen slightly. She chewed her bottom lip. "I changed my mind," she said hurriedly. "Bring her back here."

"I agree, Ma. Hudson is a dick," Noah said.

"Language," Shelby corrected.

Quinn was staring at Noah. She had always thought they were best friends. He threw her a sweatshirt from her piles of clothes, bringing her from her thoughts.

"Come on, Speedy Gonzales," he said. "We'll go pick up her up."

She laughed and took the sweatshirt and followed him down the hallway.

"You're still grounded, you know," Shelby called out.

"We know," Noah muttered.

"You'll still be grounded when you get back," she said a little louder.

"Yeah," Noah yelled back.

…..

Kurt pretended to pour Rachel more tea in his play tea set.

"Thank you for allowing me to come to your tea party event," Rachel said making sure her pinky was up high.

Kurt sighed and looked at his best friend. "Do you think we're getting too old for pretend?"

Rachel shrugged. "Probably but when have we ever conformed?"

He arched an eyebrow. "The fact that you asked the question clearly shows that we haven't." He looked at the tea set with care. "Do you trust Mr. Schuester?"

Rachel was surprised at his question. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that," he looked at his friend. "I have a feeling."

She laughed. "You had a feeling that Funny Girl would tour with The Lion King last season in Cleveland."

"I'm being serious, Rachel," he said carefully.

She shook her head. "Please don't do this, Kurt. He's a good teacher. I promise. I need you there you're my best friend."

"Rachel, I don't know," he said.

Rachel grasped her best friend's arm. "Please, please. Take that feeling that you have an at least put it on hold." She searched his eyes. "He's just looking out for me." She looked at her hands. "I don't have a dad, Kurt." He didn't understand how much she needed a positive male figure. "He's helping me." She smiled her million dollar smile. "He could help us become stars."

He shook his head at his best, and in a lot of ways, his only, friend stared at him with desperation. He shook his head and laughed. "Fine, but if I get too tired of him doting on you. I'm out."

Rachel smiled. "Deal!"

A car honk interrupted their thoughts. They stood up and looked out the window.

"I guess they're picking you up?" Kurt asked with a shrug.

Rachel frowned. What were Noah and Quinn doing here?

…..

The first block was excruciatingly silent. He chewed his lip trying to figure out what exactly he invited her for.

"I heard you punched Finn," the blond said in a matter of fact tone.

He shrugged. "He was talkin' trash."

Quinn caught a glance at the guy she was starting to accept as a friend. "About who?" she asked carefully.

He was silent for a moment and gripped the steering wheel tighter.

"San," he said quietly. "And you."

Quinn frowned. "Me?" She turned and looked at him directly. "Let's clear something up. I don't like you that way, Puck. I will never like you _that_ way!" She shook her head in disgust.

"First of all, cocky much?" he said with a sneer. "And secondly, you said it yourself before. Bottles of wine couldn't bring us together. I don't think being sober will." He shook his head. "Plus, you're practically my sister." He scrunched up his face in horror. "Actually in my head you are. I know for _sure_ that there is no way in _hell_ that Puckasaurous is attracted to you."

"Ouch," Quinn said was a scowl. "The feeling is mutual, pal. Not to worry."

Silence fell over them again. He continued to drive. His brow relaxed.

"You know, Quinn," he said with a tilt of his head. "I can punch Finn and defend your honor or whatever without wanting anything in return. It's called dignity or somethin'."

"Whatever, Corcoran," she muttered folding her arms.

He softened his gaze and snuck a glance at the girl he now regarded as his sister.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked without introduction.

"I don't see you making posters about your life," she spit.

He looked at her honestly. "We were supposed to be friends. I thought we were friends"

"Friends?" she scoffed. "I knew nothing about your home life and I made sure you knew nothing about mine. We just hung out in the same circles." She paused. "But we're friends now." She half glared at him and half smiled. "And that's it."

He laughed. "Ewww, Quinn." He concentrated on the road and let his face relax again. "If anyone gives you a hard time, you let me know."

"Thanks, Robin Hood," Quinn said with a shake of her head. "I'll be fine."

"Sure, you will."

They pulled up to the house and they both frowned.

"He's such a dick," Puck said with a sigh.

"You have no idea," Quinn muttered.

He looked at her for a second before asking. "Should we be polite and go to the door or honk?"

"Honk," she said without breaking her gaze from the house.

….

Santana opened her eyes and stared out the window in front of her. She hoped that the day before didn't happen. The familiar smell of her father and she knew that it had been real. She gave a small sigh and rolled over.

"Rach?" she called. Her room was empty. She looked over at her night stand full of pictures. She knew exactly which photo was out of place. She looked at it hidden in the back but she didn't pick it up. "Rachel!" she scolded.

"Rach, didn't move it, San," Shelby said from the doorframe. "I did."

She frowned but relaxed slightly. "Whatever."

Shelby sat on the bed. She combed the girl's hair out of her face. "We need to talk about this, Santana."

The girl pulled away from her mother's reach.

"No," she hissed as she willed her pooling eyes to dry. "No." She pushed a sob down.

Shelby looked at her daughter and sighed. She licked her lips and sighed. She had a feeling that her fighter would put up the biggest fight here.

"I changed your appointment with Dr. Jacobs from later this week to tomorrow," she informed.

Santana scowled. Her brow furrowed and her mouth hung open indignantly. "I'm not talking about this." She shook her head. "I never wanted to bring this up. I am NOT bringing this up." She looked at her mother. "It was eight years ago. I'm not talking about this."

She started to storm from her own room. Typical Corcoran.

"Santana!" she scolded. She grabbed her arm. "You need to talk about this. Clearly you haven't and not talking about it is eating you alive. It's not healing you. We can work through this."

She scoffed. "Yeah, Mom, that easy, huh?" She pulled her arm away from her mother. "I'm not your patient. Don't talk to me like one."

"Santana!" Shelby scolded. She rarely raised her voice. Santana stopped but she didn't face her. "You're going. There's no choice."

"Whatever," Santana said. "I'll talk to her if you force me too, which, oh wait, you are."

"Santana," Shelby growled.

"I'm not talking to you, though," she said with her back still turned. She peaked slightly over her should at her mother. "Not about this."

Shelby sighed in frustration but allowed her daughter to storm out of the room.

…

Rachel came storming into the kitchen through the back door.

"What's your problem?" Santana asked from the counter. Her mother had banned her grounded ass to the kitchen to do homework after her door slamming and screaming extravaganza.

"They honked for me!" she said in disbelief.

Noah closed the door behind his as Quinn walked in front of him. He arched his eyebrow.

"I'm your brother not some gourmet valet service," he said opening the refrigerator.

"That was wrong," Rachel said. "Valets aren't gourmet. You don't eat them."

"Whatever, I don't speak Italian," Noah sighed.

Quinn finally spoke up. "Get over it, Rachel."

Santana frowned and looked at Quinn. The blonde gave a shrug. The brunette looked over at the pouting girl. "Suck it up and go get your homework."

Rachel looked at her mother for help.

"You heard 'em," she said.

The girl stomped out of the room. "The injustice."

…

Quinn sat next to Shelby in the waiting room the next morning. Everyone was in school. The rest of the previous night had been filled with lighter tension, but still tension. For a few brief moments, Quinn almost forgot. Almost. And then she remembered.

"You ready?" Jackie asked coming out to greet them.

They followed the woman into the office.

"How did things go earlier?" Jackie asked as she pulled out a file and shifted things around her desk.

Shelby glanced over at Quinn. "Fine, I think. They took the drains out. The doctor says that Quinn only has to finish the antibiotics and everything is looking good. She should be all healed by the end of the week."

Jackie nodded. "Good." She folded her hands and looked directly at Quinn. "How's it going?"

"Peachy," Quinn said with a tight smile. "I really shouldn't be missing school to meet with you."

"Thank you, Quinn," Jackie said leaning back in her chair. "I know you shouldn't but Shelby already booked this doctor's appointment for you and so we thought we would squeeze this in."

"Whatever," Quinn said.

"Quinn," Shelby said with a frown.

The blond girl seem retract her claws and Jackie saw her immediate reaction.

"How are things going with the Corcorans?"

"Fine," she said without hesitation.

Jackie narrowed her eyes. "So…. You would be fine with staying there a little bit more on the permanent side." Quinn's head snapped up. Jackie went on. "What I mean is permanent as your placement through this entire….." she waved her arms. "Whatever this is."

Quinn thought for a moment. Her mother had already caused a scene at the house. She wanted to keep fighting. She didn't want give in this easily, but somehow it seemed like the most logical thing to do. Staying at the Corcorans.

"I know that this isn't an easy decision," Jackie said carefully.

"Whatever, I'll stay. I mean you said it before, right? Where else would I go?"

Quinn folded her arms in front of her. "So what does this mean for my mom?"

"Well," Jackie said bringing out her calendar. "Shelby, your mother and I have a meeting later this week and –''

"WHAT?" Quinn asked sitting up. She turned to Shelby. "My mother will murder you. But seriously. Is this a good idea?"

"Quinn, this is procedure. Essentially, the three of us plus your cheerleading coach and Therapist and you, when you're ready, we all act as a team to work for you."

She frowned. "What?"

"It's not our job to work against you. We all come together for you."

"I don't think you understand," Jackie said carefully.

Quinn shook her head. "I don't think you do either." She licked her lips and tried to gather her thoughts and build them as carefully as possible. "I don't think you understand my mother. She won't fight to get me back. She's going to fight to keep my father out of jail. She hates me."

Jackie and Shelby exchanged a glance.

"Don't look at each other," Quinn hissed. "If this is about me, listen to me. You are wasting your time. Just drop the charges and let me go home. This is dumb."

"I told you before Quinn," Jackie said. "It's not that simple. As CPS we're in the middle of an investigation of your mother as a fit parent."

The young blond shook her head again. "You're wasting your time." She looked at Jackie. "I'm sixteen. Can't I be emancipated or do independent living or something?"

Jackie looked at her for a few moments before answering. "The likelihood that a judge will emancipate you is slim, very slim, especially with your circumstances. Perhaps we can reconsider applying to have you released as an independent minor, but you still need some sort of adult guardian." She pointed at Shelby. "Get cozy, Quinn. I think she's the best bet you got."

"I have," Quinn said quietly leaning back in her chair.

"What?" Jackie asked.

"Best bet I have. You should not use 'got' in that context."

Jackie shook her head. "Thank you."

…..

Santana leaned against her Cheerios locker. They were having a shortened running practice also known as death.

"You've been so quiet today," Brittany said as she tied her sneaker.

"What?" Santana asked as she unfolded her arms.

"Quiet," Brittany paused. "And mad. You slushied eighty-six people today."

Santana smirked. "We both know that that's a slight exaggeration."

Brittany linked arms with her and led her out to the field. "Barely." She gave a sigh. "You know you can talk to me about stuff, you know?"

Santana took a step back breaking their connection. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you always seem to have so much on your mind but you don't say any of it," she said with a shrug. "And…. We've been friends forever." Santana looked over her shoulder. No one was around. They were always the first to arrive. Brittany continued. "It's just…. I've been thinking about Quinn's whole situation and I've realized I don't know anything. I've known her my whole life. And then us…."

Santana frowned. "Us?"

"Yeah," Brittany continued unphased without taking note of Santana's multi-layered frown. "We've been best friends for six years. I don't know why you moved here. I don't know a lot…. And ….. I just…." She met Santana's eyes. "I'm here. I'll listen."

Santana gave an unusually warm smile. "I know. I just…. It's not about trust, Britt. It's about opening a can of whoop-ass emotional baggage that I would rather put to rest." She paused. "Does that make sense?"

The other girl shrugged. "I guess." She heard the rest of the team start to filter onto the field. "Just don't shut me out in the process."

One of the younger girls called Brittany away, leaving the tan girl standing alone wondering if she should take the bold step and let someone in. She heard Judy Fabray's words, Hiram's words and even Quinn's echo in her mind. She wasn't going to let Brittany into her vicious, self-hating circle. No, that was for her to stand-alone.

…

Quinn hated that she was missing school. She was going to lag far behind. She was going to fail. Shelby pulled up to McKinley. Quinn looked at the school with a sigh. She could see the Cheerios wrapping up practice at the far field.

"I'm going to run in and get, Rachel," Shelby said as she put the car in park. "If you wish, you can make sure that San and Noah don't dawdle."

The blond watched from her seat as Santana started walking over except someone must have yelled something but there was an untamed fury in Santana's faced that brought her feet to a stop.

Santana threw her bag over her shoulder and started walking toward her mother's car.

"Hey Corcoran! Are you in bed with the Captain?"

She turned on the balls of her feet and came face to face with Whitney Richards.

"What's wrong, Whitney?" Santana asked. "Did your vibrator break?"

"I am your superior, Corcoran," she hissed.

"You wish," Santana chuckled. "I'm the second in command and a sophomore, but here you are a big bad senior and nothing to offer in terms of leadership. Get out of my face. I'm late."

"For what? Your date with Fabray?" Whitney countered. "I know that she's staying at your house? Why is that?"

"None of your damn business," she fired. She did not need this.

"San, what are you screaming about?" Noah said wrapping his arm around Whitney. He kissed her quickly. "Hey."

Whitney smiled in satisfaction. "Hi."

"Excuse me," Santana sneered. "I need to stab out my eyes."

Santana turned and walked toward the car. She saw her mother and Rachel walking out of the building from the corner of her eyes.

"I didn't tell Mr. Shue I was leaving twenty minutes early," Rachel whined to her mother as Santana threw her bags in. "Now he AND Kurt are upset with me."

"They'll get over it," Shelby said as she went to the driver's side. "Goodbye, Miss Richards."

"Hello, Mrs. Corcoran," Whitney waved.

"Brownnose," Quinn muttered from the front.

"Bitch," Santana sneered as she buckled up.

"What?" Shelby asked as they all watched Noah kiss the Cheerio goodbye.

"I think she's nice," Rachel said kindly.

"You also don't think horses should pull carriages in Central Park," Santana said causing the younger girl to pout.

"Don't even get her started, Santana," Shelby warned. She looked at her youngest. "We respect your humanitarian efforts but please do not start arguing about that now."

Rachel deflated as Noah climbed into the car. Shelby started the car and tried not to bask in the silence of the car. First stop, San's appointment.

…..

Santana had been sitting in the big armchair with her arms folded tightly across her chest in silent indignation for about ten minutes. She was here, but she wasn't going to talk.

"Why are we here, Santana?" Dr. Jacobs asked breaking the silence. The girl didn't answer her. She was silent. "Your mother told me that Judy Fabray said some pretty awful things on Saturday. And that you and Quinn had a fight before that." Dr. Jacobs watched as Santana shifted uncomfortably but her arms loosened. "Am I getting warm?" She didn't wait for an answer. "Can I tell you something?"

"No, but I have a feeling you're going to anyway," Santana said with a smirk.

"I've learned a lot, but the most important thing that I've learned that time doesn't heal all wounds, Santana. Especially the ones that are buried so deep within us that just the whisper of them in the back of our brains makes us feel so broken." The doctor paused. "That's what' I've learned. And," she continued as she watched the girl's dark eyes look at the floor with anguish as she debated with herself. "I learned that every time I push those feelings back down they surge to the top with more force than the time before. And it hurts more every time."

Santana shook her head and wiped away a stray tear. "I can't," she whispered. "I won't."

"Why not?" Dr. Jacobs asked.

"Because," she whispered as she tried her best to swallow the lump in her throat.

"I think you might feel better once you share this," Dr. Jacobs urged.

Santana glared at the woman. "I'm pretty sure I won't," she growled. "This can't be fixed with a hug and a kiss. I'm not doing this."

"Santana…."

"No, don't," she hissed as she stood and walked across the room.

"Santana," she called out gently.

"Some people have nightmares," she said quietly. "They wake up in a cold sweat and they can't breathe. I get those sometimes. But do you know what's most paralyzing? Those moments where everything seems safe and okay, because you know that that's not real." She lowered her voice. "And that your life will never be that way again."

There were several long moments of silence. Dr. Jacobs knew to be patient with this girl. She couldn't push her. Santana Corcoran could be anything but pushed.

"If you don't tell me, San, who are you protecting?" she asked cautiously.

"Me," Santana said without hesitation. She turned and met the doctor's eyes with tears in her own. "Me."

Once she locked her eyes with the woman she had known for six years.

"If it wasn't for me Rachel wouldn't have been in the hospital."

She looked at her carefully as the confession hung in the air. "What do you mean?" She searched the girl's face. She had been seeing her since the family had moved to Lima. However, she hadn't seen the girl look like this. Not once. "Santana?" She took a breath. "What aren't you telling me?"

"I left her," Santana whispered.

"Left her how?" She waited for a moment and watched the girl let her tears fall. "Did you leave the house that day?"

Santana shook her head. "No…."

"Santana, I'm not going to guess," Dr. Jacobs said leaning closer to the girl who she had built such a trust with over the years. However, in that moment she felt as if she was losing her and they were back to square one. "Do you want me to get your mother, San?"

Santana bit her lip and shook her head. "She doesn't know."

"Know what?"

Her chin quivered and tears glistened in the dull light. "She doesn't know that it was my fault."

When Shelby came into the room, she spotted her daughter with her arms folded tightly over her chest. She looked at Dr. Jacobs who simply motioned for Shelby to approach the girl. Santana remained silent for a few more minutes.

"Santana has something to say," Dr. Jacobs announced.

"Don't say that," she growled. Santana looked at them with dark, angry eyes. "This isn't me trying to shoulder the blame of something that wasn't really my fault. This was my fault!"

"What was?" Shelby asked evenly.

Santana shook her head. "I changed my mind. I want to leave." She looked at her mother. "Can we leave?"

"Santana," she said again.

Shelby looked at her daughter and gathered all of the breadcrumbs of hints that her daughter had been leaving for the past eight years. "Is this about Hiram? About what he did?"

Santana shook her head furiously as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Don't do that! Don't say that like you know! You weren't there!" She pointed her finger shakily at her mother. "You weren't there."

"I know, Sanny. I know I wasn't," Shelby whispered.

"No, no! You don't know!" Santana barked.

Shelby was thankful that at that moment Dr. Jacobs's office was furthest down the long hallway from the waiting room.

"Santana," she said gently. "I love you. And…. Seeing you like this kills me."

"I can't," Santana whispered. She slammed her hand against her chest as she fell to the floor. "I did it! I left her. I left her when she needed me."

"Santana," Shelby said evenly. "You were locked in a closet. You didn't have a choice."

There was a pause in Santana's sobs that forced Shelby to freeze. At that moment, everything in Shelby's world stopped. No, she told herself. The police and the paramedics that arrived on the scene told her that they found Santana in the closet of the bedroom. They had found her in the closet, she repeated. Santana heard it. She just heard it.

"Santana, you weren't in the closet, were you?" Dr. Jacobs asked.

Santana's mouth opened and closed as she tried to form words.

"I …. I …."

Shelby's brain was going a mile a minute. She had said that she had left her. Left her? Shelby's eyes returned to her daughter. She remembered seeing her. She tried to remember every detail. Santana had a badly broken arm and she was beaten with a belt…..

Shelby frowned. She had to ask that question. "Santana, what happened?"

She had always thought he beat Santana and went after Rachel. That's just…..what he did. He went after Rachel. That's what Noah always told her. She never fought back. That's what he had told her. Noah had told her that. He said that Hiram always said that Rachel never fought back.

Then it hit her. It hit Shelby like a ton of bricks. It was right in front of her. She had always known, but she never wanted to put the pieces together.

"Santana," Shelby said carefully kneeling in front of her crumpled daughter, who refused to look at her. "He went after you first didn't he?"

"That's not really new information," Santana scoffed.

"I'm not talking about that part," Shelby said quietly. She felt Santana tense. "I'm talking about the part you never talk about. The way that he touched you." Shelby paused as she watched her daughter's eyes glaze back into your memory.

"Was there a reason that he went after Rachel?" She searched her daughter's eyes. "Was there a moment when things changed?"

Santana knitted her brow together. "The moment that I fought back." She shook her head and she sobbed. "You always thought that I fought to get to Rachel. But …. I …. I …. She … she was on the bed ….. she was… there….. and he…" She met her mother's eyes. "I fought back that night. I got him off of me. I … I … left her on the bed. …. And then he….. I …. I was so relieved… And ….. then she started crying….. and ….. I looked up… he was… he was…. And I ….. He stopped with Rach and he grabbed me and told me that this was my fault." She shook her head as the tears took over. "He told me …" Santana couldn't say. She met Shelby's eyes. "Don't you get it? He wanted me. He always wanted me. But I fought back and so he went after her."

"Santana," Shelby sobbed. She cupped her face. "That's wasn't your fault, honey. That was—''

"You weren't there!" Santana sobbed. "It was me! I left her there. I left her there for him! He never touched her before that night!"

"That you know of," Dr. Jacobs said gently. "You were eight years old. What that man did…."

"Shut up!" Santana hissed. "Neither of you were there!" Her sobs took over. "You didn't hear him. You didn't hear her. I kept trying to reach her. He kept kicking me….. He became frustrated so he told me he would shut me up….Then he went back to her. He did it again and again. And then… she stopped making noises….. but I couldn't….move. I couldn't get to her…." She met their eyes. "You weren't there!"

Finally, her sobs took over. Shelby pulled her to her and rocked her gently on the floor of Dr. Jacobs's office. No, she hadn't been there.

It was in that moment that Shelby realized the burden her daughter had been carrying for eight years. It all clicked in her head at that moment. Everything that made sense before became even clearer. She pulled Santana's sobbing form to her.

…..

After what seemed like hours, Santana calmed in Shelby's arms. She pulled away from Shelby fast as if it was bad dream. She stood up quickly and wiped her tears. She pulled back her pony tail tighter and used the mirror for guidance. Shelby knew what her daughter was doing. She was hardening her heart.

Santana walked toward the door and stopped just before she reached the knob. She looked at her mother and Dr. Jacobs with such conviction.

"Rachel never knows," she commanded. "I will go to my grave with this. She will never know. She's already traumatized over what little she does know."

Santana didn't even wait for an answer she left the room.

Shelby regained her strength after a few beats and followed her daughter down the long narrow hallway. When it opened up to the waiting room, Rachel was leaning on Noah's shoulder propped up on her knees. She was playing with his hair and talking about how dumb it looked. She was laughing, but everything seemed like a far off fog.

Rachel spotted Santana come in. Shelby watched as the girl's smile faded. She walked over to her sister and looked at her carefully.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

Shelby felt her heartbreak again as Santana cupped Rachel's face in her palms and kissed her gently on the forehead.

"Yeah," Santana said with a smirk. "Everything's fine. Don't worry about it."

At that moment, Shelby reminded herself that Rachel didn't remember any of it. She had been three weeks shy of her third birthday. Years later after the ordeal, a therapist told Shelby that Rachel's young brain protected her because she barely remembered very much of "the incident." However, her night terrors told Shelby differently. The doctor reassured her that her brain would keep the small details hidden. Only another trauma would bring them to the forefront. They hadn't been protecting Rachel from every other evil as much as they were always trying to protect her from herself and the horrors that had happened deep in the past, which lay hibernating in her memory. Perhaps it was ignorant and even foolish. However, it was all Shelby could do. Seeing Rachel in the hospital so broken and torn apart, broke her even eight years later. A grown man … she shook her head. Rachel had barely been twenty-five pounds. Shelby took a breath. Barely twenty-five pounds. As she watched her eldest daughter envelop her youngest, she hoped with every fiber of her being that nothing ever happened to Rachel that would make her remember.

* * *

><p><strong>Please review. It'll be the best pick me up for humpday even though I work Tues-Sat. haha Again, if you have any questions or concerns please don't hesitate to PM me. <strong>


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

**AN: Hi everyone, I know that this chapter is a quite a bit shorter than the last (only about 6,300 words). I apologize for that especially because it took me so long to get it posted. However, I became side-tracked and wrote roughly about 3000 words of a huge climax of the story when things happen later down the line (much more drama to come). I could not get it off of my brain. Brace yourselves everybody. And I hope you like this chapter. …..**

**Also, for those of you who read **_**Changes in the Tides, Courage on the Wings**_**, I know that I am terrible and haven't updated that in a VERY long time. I still am in love with the characters and am committed to the story, but I'm in an obvious rut. However, the year anniversary of when I first began posting the story is coming up and I promise, I vow, to post a new chapter on that date: January 6, 2012. I've already started outlining folks. Somehow, some way it'll happen. **

whenwordsfail –I am glad this is one of your favorites. I try my best to make sure that the story is paced correctly. There are going to be lots of twists and turns in this story so I hope you enjoy what's in store. Thank you for the review.

Hypegurl- Thanks for the review. I hope this was quick enough.

Renata – Thank you for your kisses from Brazil! I love that you are reading and reviewing my story and I look forward to keep entertaining you!

Welsh – I try to get my updates out as fast as possible – thank you for reading!

dreamchaser888 – I am so glad you have this as one of your favorite stories. Rachel is a special little girl. And you are correct Santana and Quinn do have so many things in common but they are both unwilling to see that at this point. Thank you for your review.

dragonrider94 – I am very glad you are enjoying this story – I try my very best to avoid typos and grammatical errors – I apologize and promise you strive to do my best to get the updates out fast and the chapters out as error free as possible

TheTBone - It's alright to be emotional. Appreciate you being amazing and supportive. Really, you need to stop boosting my ego. It'll only lead to disappointment. Haha What happened to Quinn is devastating and I have only revealed part of it. Hold on to your hat. Santana and Shelby scene was difficult to write but necessary. Thank you for not skipping ahead. I'll be mean again and tell you there is another Santana sequence that had my editors upset. Thanks as always. Don't skip ahead.

Anon – This story will have lots of flashbacks so you will be able to see what all of the kids have gone through and how Shelby has endured and helped them all through it – Thanks for your review.

miriami –Thank you for your review. I try my best to update regularly and I even hope to update to two a week but life and this delicate story dictate how quickly I can update but my readers and reviewers like you keep me going! Your words challenge me to put out my best and I thank you for that – There is a lot of guilt going around in this story and hopefully the true guilty ones will be the only ones to continue to pay.

A – Shelby and Santana have a lot of love and respect for each other and will continue to work together to get through their challenges

mariska23fan – Well don't get into trouble with your family – family is very important as you can see from this story – but thank you for your kind words and I hopefully will continue to entertain you – thanks for your review

broadwaybound2016 – please get off your hands and knees I don't want to hurt you! I am trying to get the updates out as quickly as I can but I don't want my readers and reviewers to get hurt in the process! Thank you for reviewer- seriously I work on the next chapter as soon as this chapter is posted. Quinn is starting to see but she has been through a lot so it is going to take some time. But with lots of encouragement from Shelby and Rachel I think she will get there. Thanks again.

rachelfabray - I am glad you are loving this story. I love your reviews!

Ryoko05 – I am sorry I am making you cry! Thank you for your review. I am glad (I think) that I have touched you so deeply with the story. I am doing my best to get all of the characters their equal opportunities – however, so much has happened to the girls that they are the focus but big brother Puck gets his share.

Marissa – Thanks for your review. I am trying my best to get the chapters out as soon as possible – Puck will continue to try and be an amazing big brother!

Chickabilly – Again you make me laugh with your witty reviews for my tragic tale. Quinn always remembers her grammar no matter who she is talking about. Ahhh Frannie is a piece of work but being raised by Russell and Judy and not as strong as Quinn how could she not be as evil as she is. I am proud of you for ringing your mom and telling her that you love her – I hope this chapter allows you to do the same because everyone should have a mom like Shelby and tell her that they love her. Keep the reviews coming – they make me strive to give you the best that I have to offer. I hope not to let you down. Hang on because I think a couple more chapters you will be calling your mom every day!

carbygurl05 – I am flattered by your review – thank you so much! Reviews like yours bring tears to my eyes. There is a lot more happening on the horizon for these kids and hopefully it is not all bumpy. But since Shelby is there to help all of them I think they will make it through – at least I hope so!

twilight2892 – I hope I continue to excite you ! So many things happened to this family that it is not easy to get them all out – and poor Santana – always feeling guilty. I hope you like this next chapter – thank you for reviewing

NayaFan – I am glad you still love this fic. You will get to see what has happened to everyone but it is a slow process because they are just getting it out themselves – thank you for taking the time to review my story

Random Dice – Thanks! I'm trying!

w1cked- Sometimes love is blind and in Leroy's case it was! Russell and Judy are not up for any parents of the year awards but their fates are still up in the air. Hopefully they get what each deserve. Thank you for reviewing. Reviews help me so much!

val-cb – Thank you! I aim to please

SuzQQ - Wow that was a novel but I loved every word you wrote. Thank you so much for putting the time and effort into a review. I feel so touched by your fabulous review and now I feel compelled to get my readers only my very best work. I love how you pick up on every detail – Shelby is a strong person but she has a strong support system that we will soon see – Thanks again for the awesome review!

AcexofxSpades – Keep up with your finals and I will make sure you have the right amount of updates to keep you going! I love reviews – the longer the better – so thank you for taking the time to do one at any length.

amandaes417 – I am glad I was able to make your day. Poor Noah, his eleven year old sister has to correct him - but he is trying so hard. Thank you for reading.

marinka4 – Unlike the show, Finn is not a hero here. Its too bad because I like Cory but Finn – he has a lot of growing up to do! - Thank you for the review.

NinjaGleek21 – Thanks for the cookie ! Hold on because there will be more flashbacks and things to come – Hiram was not a nice man and unfortunately these kids need to work it all out to heal more.

TommyH – Thank you Tommy ! I appreciate you reviewing all the time

ajunebuga – Hiram is a sick sick man – No more swearing though – because in the next couple of chapters you may be swearing a lot more! Thank you for the review

OTHangels – I try to update quickly because I hate to keep my faithful readers like you waiting. Thanks for your patience though! Your reviews make me try to go as fast as possible.

Gleek1990 – Thank you for noticing the horse carriage tidbit. Quinn is starting to learn that families don't have to be cruel – they can be loving – the poor girl has been through a lot. Now if her and Santana can just realize that they share common emotions because of trauma it would be a lot easier for the two of them. Thank you for reviewing

SparkleInTheSun – Thank you for reviewing ! I am honored that it is your favorite story. I will update as fast as I can – and I appreciate all my reviewers so so much. You guys make my day.

…..

Quinn looked over at Rachel and Puck or Noah, whatever his name was. The little girl had previously been leaning against her brother and now she was sitting on the backs of her heels and propping up occasionally on her knees to poke at the hideousness that had become her brother's hair. Sympathy was something she didn't do; pity was certainly something she didn't do; and finally weakness was something that she refused to do. Not that they were weak….. she trailed off on her internal rant. A smaller voice with a stronger tone in the back of her mind whispered, but they aren't they?

"Noah, I believe that you would look more presentable without this hairstyle," Rachel told him. "It makes you look like someone dropped a dead animal on your head. Minus the blood of course."

"Thanks," Noah said with a confused frown.

Quinn's rolled her eyes. Her ears perked up when she heard a door open at the end of the hallway. She heard Shelby's heels clicking and Santana's Cheerios sneakers walking at a brisk pace. Naturally, she furrowed her brow and pinched her lips together at Santana's appearance. Something had happened in that room because the Santana that just stepped into the waiting room wasn't the same as the one who had left previously. Yes, over the past couple days the girl had become different in her eyes, but something was even more drastic about her fellow cheerleader. The girl had looked lost and broken before, but now Quinn could see something had indeed broken.

The blond scowled even deeper. She watched as Rachel went immediately to Santana to check if she was alright. She watched as the shattered pieces she was sure that she saw before were quickly glued back together for the sake of the wise, eleven year old. Quinn knew at that moment that she wasn't going to be Santana. She wasn't going to go into that room and come out looking as vulnerable as Santana did now. Ever.

"Ready?" Shelby asked.

Quinn continued to frown as she watched her family as she coached herself to stay a part from it. She snapped out of it when Rachel suddenly stepped into her line of vision.

"Quinn?"

The girl shook her head. "Sure, yeah, um….Let's go…."

As they walked down the hallway, Rachel continued to talk. "Elyse is a very nice woman."

"How would you know?" Quinn asked quickly.

Santana shot her a warning look.

"Because I used to see her on Tuesdays and Thursdays," Rachel said with a shrug. "Her office is just downtown."

Quinn scowled. "What?" Could this be anymore incestuous? She not only shared a house with them but she was now sharing a therapist.

"I don't see her as much anymore," Rachel said as the five of them walked out to the parking lot.

Quinn didn't see Shelby watching her cautiously. "Rachel," Shelby whispered as caught the youngest girl and led her a few steps of the others to the car.

They were at the Range Rover. Quinn was still frowning. "Drop it," Santana hissed as she opened the door and Rachel climbed in. Quinn paused outside of the car for a moment, trying to soak in that tidbit of information. Should she surprised? The town was small, but still she couldn't help but hate the coincidence of it all.

….

They all waited outside Quinn's therapist's office. It was a familiar office for all of them. Shelby was speaking behind the receptionist window and filling out papers. Rachel looked over at Santana for a moment. Although Santana was looking causally through a magazine, Rachel was searching for a sign that Santana wasn't okay. She could see that something had changed, but she knew not to push her, but she couldn't help but want to know.

"San?" she asked carefully.

Santana looked up from her magazine briefly and met the girls' worried look. She looked back down at the magazine.

"I'm fine, bugs," she said quietly. "Stop looking so worried."

"You're lying," Rachel said straightening.

Santana put her magazine down. "I'm not." She locked eyes with the girl. "If you go ask Mom for money, I'll go downstairs to the coffee shop and I'll buy you coffee."

Rachel gave a sigh. "Technically, Mom would be buying," she said with a roll of her eyes. "Why do I have to ask?"

"Because she says no to you once in a blue moon," Santana laughed. Rachel gave a slight frown as she hesitated. "Rach, I'm fine."

Santana wasn't sure if Rachel gave in because she believed her or if she realized she wasn't going to get a full answer, but either way the girl walked over to their mother. She watched as the girl waited patiently to ask about money. As usual, Shelby was talking up a storm.

"You're a terrible liar," Noah said interrupting her thoughts.

She folded her arms. "Shut up," she said.

She saw him set down his magazine out of the corner of her eye. "Man, you are feeling down. What kind of comeback was that?"

She gave a tiny smirk. "Yeah, whatever."

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked carefully as both of them continued to watch Rachel and Shelby at the counter.

"When have I ever been one to talk about it?" she asked with a sneer.

He leaned back in his chair. "Is this like the time when David Bulter insulted Dad?"

He watched her quietly mull over the question. Finally she shook her head. "No," she replied. "It's not."

"Listen," he said leaning over toward her. "I don't know what I said, but I know I said something. And I'm sorry." She wasn't meeting his eyes, but he knew that meant that she was listening to him. She hated eye contact. It required too much vulnerability. "But you need to control your anger—''

"What? Like you?" she hissed.

"I don't know, maybe." He watched her. "I know I don't know everything, okay?" He watched her brow soften. "I know that. And I hate it….." He looked over at Rachel and their mother. "But we're here now, okay? I'm not….." he bit his lip. "I'm not telling you to get over it. That's not fair or even possible." He looked at her. She met his eyes briefly and then looked away. "This has to stop."

He waited for a beat and she finally responded.

"You don't think I know that?" she asked, looking at her cuticles. "You don't think I want to not think about it and accept that things are better now?" She chewed her lip and caught a stray tear before it fell. "I'm exhausted, Noah. I'm angry all the time and I didn't… Quinn helped me realize that…Just by …. I don't know being here….. It was if I put all that happened on mute. Somehow I numbed it, but now…I ….. I'm angry and I can't….."

Noah watched her. He had known her her whole life. "Are you sure it's not just what happened?"

"What happened seeps into everything in my every day." She looked over at Rachel who gave her a small nod and smile letting her know that she was about to ask. "I can't escape it," she muttered while she didn't break eye contact from the girl.

"I know," he mumbled.

She shook her head. "No, you don't," she whispered back. She straightened as Rachel came walking back to them. She looked at Noah briefly. "I'm sorry, too."

Rachel held up a five dollar bill and a grin. "Look! Success!" Her smile faded when Shelby came up behind her and rested her hand on her shoulder. She gave a heavy sigh. "But Mom says no coffee….. even decaf. She says it'll stunt my growth."

Santana smirked. "And that certainly doesn't need to be stunted anymore, Frodo." Rachel frowned. The older girl laughed. "Don't get worked up. You know it's a compliment. Frodo saved the world."

Rachel frowned deeper. "Amongst other things," she grumbled as Santana led her out of the office.

"Did you apologize?" Shelby asked sitting next to her son.

"Sorta," he said watching them leave. "I think there's something wrong, Ma."

Shelby watched the door shut behind the girls. "I'm already on it, bud."

…

Quinn sat with her arms crossed across from the woman. She had just introduced herself as Elyse Hart.

"So," the woman began. Quinn frowned as the woman in her mid forties stood and opened a cabinet. She pulled out a pile of games from the closet. Quinn also spotted a fair amount of arts and crafts. "What would you like to do?"

"What?" the blond girl asked with a shrug. "I thought this is therapy."

"Is it," the woman shrugged. "No one talked to you about what to expect? Especially the little chatter box?" Quinn frowned. Elyse clarified. "Rachel and I used to hang out frequently."

"She told me just before I came here," Quinn said still sporting her frown. "Do you have a specialty or something?"

Elyse was carrying a few games out of the closet. She paused and looked at Quinn's eyes.

"I specialize in many things," the woman finally said. "However, we're here to talk about you and not Rachel." She watched the girl. "But that's a good segway, how's it going at the house? When we talked at the hospital you hadn't moved in with them yet."

Quinn watched her set up a game of checkers.

"It's ….I don't know…..Are we really going to play games?" Quinn said with a frown.

Elyse looked at her. "Would you rather sit and not do anything?" She paused for a moment but not long enough to receive a response. "I don't know about you but I find comfort in multi-tasking. It helps make the situation less awkward."

"Well, that sucks for you being that this is your job," Quinn spat.

Elyse arched her eyebrow but didn't respond as she set up the checker game.

"So, Quinn," the therapist started. "You want to tell me about your week?"

She moved the first red piece.

Quinn hesitated for a moment but then moved a black piece.

"Not really," she said with a huff.

"I know that this isn't easy, Quinn," she started as she took another move.

"Of course, you don't," she spat.

"Hey, you don't have to like me. You can be mad at me," she said. "However, I will respect you and expect the same in return."

"Fine," she said with a huff. She shook her head. "Do you really think me coming in here and talking to you about my _feelings_ will make things better for me?"

"No, I don't," Elyse said. She opened her mouth to speak again but was interrupted.

"So if you think it's hopeless, why am I here?"

"Is everything really that black and white to you?" Elyse asked. She was keeping up with the tempo of Quinn's questions. It was impressive.

"Isn't it to you?" She tightened her jaw and narrowed her eyes. "Every action has a consequence. This is mine."

"You think you're being punished?" she asked again with an even tone.

"Aren't I?"

"No," Elyse said.

Quinn shook her head. "This is ridiculous. I don't think you get that _fixing _me isn't going to happen like this. It probably won't happen at all. So you all just need to back off."

"Well, Quinn, believe if or not, but one session isn't going to lead to miraculous change. Not even ten or twenty. Or even ever."

"Well, aren't you a ball of sunshine," Quinn muttered.

Elyse leaned over and looked at the girl. "I don't want to 'fix' you. I'm just here to help you process it all."

"I don't want to _process _it. This isn't real. This isn't supposed to be happening!" She was screaming.

"It's not?" Elyse challenged.

"No! That was my life! My life! I deserved it. It was what I knew. And you all took it away because you thought I would do better in the system. Gee thanks! I feel so much better."

"You don't?"

She narrowed her eyes but didn't answer the older woman.

Elyse went on. "Do you sleep better at the Corcorans? I remember when I first met you at the hospital you said you wake up frequently at night. Do you anymore?"

Quinn stared at her for a long time. She was processing the question. She finally gave a slight shake of her head as she conceded. "It's better," she whispered as she looked away.

"Well that' something, right?" Elyse asked sitting up.

The blonde looked at the woman. She looked at her hands. Her voice was quiet at first. "I just want it all to go away. I don't want to fight with her. I don't want to fight any of this. Make it all go away. Can you do that?"

"Fight with who?" Elyse asked as she took another move.

"My mother," she responded. She moved the checker and jumped over Elyse's piece. "Can you please just make them stop all of this?"

"No," the woman said without hesitation. "You're not here because the system made a mistake, Quinn."

"No, I did," she replied.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I messed up," she whispered.

"How?"

"Are you kidding?" she asked. She pushed the pieces off the game. "I've fucked up everything with my family and now I'm doing it with the Corcorans."

"Do you feel badly about that?"

Quinn shot her a look of distain. "Of course I do! I don't hate my family."

"You don't?" her tone was even.

"It wasn't perfect….." she said barely above a whisper. " I know that…. But it was what I knew."

"Did you hope for something more?" Elyse asked.

"I guess, but there was never any point," she said. "You know, wishing for something you don't have."

"What do you think about that now? Do you wish for anything?"

"I'm sixteen," Quinn retorted.

"Yes, so?" she challenged.

"When you were sixteen, did you wish for anything?" she snapped.

"Actually yes," Elyse replied. "I wished to be happy."

"Were you a loser?"

"Do you have to be a loser to be unhappy?"

Their banter was beat around the room like a well-measured drum beat.

"No," Quinn shrugged. "I guess not." She took a breath. "I'm just staying with them because it's my last option."

"Tell me about living with Rachel," Elyse suddenly said.

"I thought you said we're not going to talk about her," she said more with surprise than hostility.

"Well, Shelby tells me you've made a bit of a connection with her," Elyse said carefully as she picked up the pieces from the floor.

"I don't know why she would say that," Quinn said as she folded her arms more tightly over her chest.

"Rachel's a very special little girl," Elyse began.

"Go tell her yourself," she snapped. "She's out there."

Elyse went on as she ignored her outburst. "She's persistent. She doesn't really allow you any space."

"You're telling me," Quinn mumbled.

"But she does it because she's so unceasingly kind," Elyse said carefully. "I don't know about you but I always felt a little undeserving of it."

Quinn squinted at the woman. "Is this some reverse psychology shit?"

Elyse stood up and grabbed a jar from her desk. "A dime for every swear."

"I don't really carry change with me," she said squinting trying to mask her disbelief. Elyse didn't respond but continued to look at her. "Well," Quinn began again. "I'll start an IOU."

Elyse smiled. "Good!"

"Do you really feel that way or are you trying to trap me into how I _feel_?" Quinn asked with a huff.

"I really feel that way," Elyse said honestly. She gave a shrug. "My relationship with Rachel was different because she was my patient, but I still felt that her kindness was," the woman shook her head. "It was surprising."

"Well, whatever, she shouldn't be that nice to me because not everyone is as accepting. People are selfish and mean," Quinn said casually.

"You're not accepting or people aren't?" Elyse asked.

"I just said people," she replied.

"Yes, but you also talked about yourself," Elyse informed.

The girl frowned. "Well…. I didn't mean too…. I meant people." She looked around and spotted the clock. "We're finished right?"

"Yes," she nodded. "We are. But I have one last thing that I want to give you."

She stood and handed Quinn a moleskin notebook. "I want you write for every session."

She shook her head. "Write what?"

"Write, draw, whatever you're feeling," Elyse said sitting back down.

"Will you read it?" Quinn asked contemplating the idea.

"Only if you want me to," she replied. "Think of it as a safe arena to discuss how you feel. It's a stepping stone."

"To what? Campfires and hand holding?" Quinn snapped.

"To learning how to express yourself," Elyse said. "One thing I want you think about over the next couple days, Quinn, is how you feel about living with the Corcorans in relation to everything."

Quinn expected herself to know. She expected a snap or a witty remark, but she had none, because in all honesty, she didn't know how she felt.

"Whatever," she muttered.

"Thank you for coming today, Quinn. I appreciate you taking the effort to be here," Elyse said with a smile.

"It's not like I had a choice," she muttered.

"There's always a choice."

….

Santana watched in amusement as Rachel stood at the counter waiting impatiently for her green tea.

"Rachel," she said finally. "Calm down."

She felt a hand over her eyes. She felt her entire body tense. She breathed heavily in her chest and gripped the hand and then the arm that trapped her in darkness. She removed it harshly.

"What the hell!" she practically screamed. She turned around to see who was behind her and immediately felt her cheeks redden in embarrassment. "Sorry," she blinked. "Bad day."

"No, I'm sorry," Brittany said quickly. She gave a nervous laugh. "Hey Rach," she said nodding to the little girl.

"Hi," Rachel said with a wave and returned to looking incredulously at the counter as if it wronged her from her drink.

She gave a yelp when she felt two hands incase her ribs and lift her up in a hug. "Don't look so cross, munchkin," said a new voice.

Rachel looked over her shoulder and frowned. "Melanie, put me down this instant," she demanded. "I am a lady!"

The older girl listened to her. "What are you doing here?" Melanie asked roughing up Rachel's hair.

"We're waiting for—''

"Our tea," Santana interjected. "How about you?"

"Getting coffee," Melanie replied with a shrug. "I'm going to order, Britts. You want the usual?"

Brittany nodded. Despite Santana's personal anxiety, the blond stepped closer to her. "Are you sure you're alright?" she asked trying to stay out of ear shot of Rachel. "You're acting even more distant than usual."

Santana shook her head and took a step back. "I'm fine. Rachel, we gotta go."

"I'm still waiting," Rachel said with a huff.

Santana stomped over to the barista behind the counter. To a portly girl sporting an "Alice" name tag and a thick pair of glasses. "Hey, Wonderland! Have you disappeared down the rabbit hole? While your days seems bogged down with the moronic choices of non-fat versus soy, I recommend non-fat by the way, the rest of us are waiting in impatient fury as you try to piece together everyone's order at the speed of a retarded sloth. My sister here asked for a tea and the last time I checked that took less than five hot seconds to put together. So pick up the pace. I've been waiting so long that I'm positive that several species have gone extinct." Santana leaned forward toward the girl. "I heard yours is next." She straightened. "I'm going to count to ten and I best be having my cup of tea in my hand. One."

Before she could get to two, the woman scampered off. She looked down at Rachel who was glaring up at her.

"That was rude," Rachel said with a bit of annoyance.

Santana looked over at Brittany who gave her a bit of a smirk. "It was kinda funny." Rachel glared at Brittany. Her smile faded. "And slightly rude also." Rachel turned back to the counter and took the tea. As she apologized for Santana's behavior. Brittany nudged Santana. "But mostly funny."

Santana gave a smirk. "I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked as she started to follow Rachel out the door.

"Definitely," Brittany smiled. "We can't chat online right? Are you still grounded indefinitely?"

The brunette gave a smile. "When am I not?"

Brittany gave a smirk and watched her leave. She had known the girls for almost six years now. She didn't know very much about the brunette, but she knew that she was the only one besides her family who knew her best. And with everything that happened with Quinn, Brittany couldn't help but want to get to know Santana better. She didn't want to feel like she was searching in the dark anymore.

….

Later that evening, they were all quietly getting ready for bed. This was one of quieter times of night, Quinn noted. Homework and dinner had been rather uneventful Shelby tried to get her to eat more and as usual. Rachel gave her a talk about the benefits of veganism. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy the food or even eating. Like everything else in her life, it was complicated. A lifetime with her family taught her not to eat a lot before dinner. Activities in the darkness also caused her to lose her food. Old habits die hard.

She shuffled around upstairs as she readied for the next day. Remember that she forgot her notebook on the table the Elyse woman gave her. She headed back downstairs. It was there that she realized that Shelby was talking with someone. She lingered on the stairwell and peaked around the corner listening. The woman was on the phone.

"Yes, I know I haven't called," Shelby said as she moved about the kitchen. "Yes, yes. We're all doing fine."

Shelby sat at the table.

"I'm sitting now, okay? I'm sorry you have my full attention…Yes, yes…. I just told you we're all doing fine….Noah is doing well. Santana is also and Rachel too…" Shelby laughed. "Her name is Quinn and she's doing well." Quinn peaked around the corner and saw her brow furrow. "I'm not sugar coating this. We're all adjusting." The person on the other end continued to speak. "Yes. Trust me. Okay? Yes, you will meet her soon enough." Quinn froze. Was Shelby speaking about her? Shelby nodded at the table as she doodled on a piece of paper that she had used to help demonstrate the quadratic formula to Puck.

"Yes, I know….. Yes….. I already have. The tickets are all booked….. We will see you in a few weeks…It'll be a nice surprise… Yes….I know….. Clearly. I know this…. Mother!" Oh, Quinn thought. She was talking to Shelby's mother. Where are they all going? Quinn's mind wandered. Where will she be? "We're all doing okay. It's a challenge. I think some things are coming back for the kids, especially Santana. You and I called that though. We're helping her through it. She will be ecstatic to see you. I need to get them all to bed, okay? I'll see you soon. ….. Yes, I love you too."

Shelby hung up and Quinn barely remembered to scramble back up the stairs. She walked briskly into her room to hide.

So they were going on a trip? Where would she be going? Quinn remembered vaguely in the group home another girl talking about being on 'respite.' Basically it meant that her foster parents went out of town on vacation and they were dumped for the weekend. She shook her head. She should have known that they were going somewhere without her.

Her thoughts drifted off when she heard Shelby and Santana talking. Their voices were muffled through the slightly opened doors of the adjoining bathroom.

"Santana—''

Quinn could see Santana pacing in her room. At that moment, Quinn realized that she hadn't been in Santana's room, or at least long enough to take a look . "I said I'm fine, Mom."

Quinn watched through the cracked door as she pretended to be engrossed with washing her face. Santana was collecting clothes and tiding up what looked to be a rather messy room.

"I didn't ask you anything and you didn't have to say anything about being fine," Shelby said gently.

"Well, you're hovering," Santana said. "It's ridiculous. Please… just… back off."

"San," Shelby started again.

"Mom, just don't okay?" She put up her hands. She met her mother's eyes. "I can't do this with you now."

"Santana," Shelby said firmly. "I simply came in here to ask you if you had any whites. I'm doing a load of laundry."

Santana became very quiet. "I'm fine," she finally said. "I'm sorry. I just feel like you're crowding me." She lowered her voice even more. "What I told you isn't going to change anything. So please, don't act like it will."

"Mom?" Rachel called from across the hallway.

"We're going to talk about this later," the woman said quietly. She headed toward the door. "I love you so so much, San."

Santana looked at her hands that still held her bundle of clothes. "I love you too," she whispered.

Quinn watched as Shelby started out the hallway toward the door.

"Rachel, I'll be right over," Shelby said. Quinn jumped back from the door when she realized the mother was heading toward the bathroom. Look busy, Quinn told herself as she closed her eyes and continued to wash her face.

"Your face must be very clean," Shelby said quietly with a soft knock as she entered.

Quinn nodded as she dried off her face. "Yes," she said with a nod.

"Do you have any laundry? Lights or whites?" Shelby asked.

"I can do my own," Quinn said quickly as she followed Shelby into the bedroom.

"Quinn, we have a very big washer and dryer and it doesn't make sense to do several small loads when we can do one big load," Shelby said as she entered the room.

Quinn sighed. "I really can do it on my own."

"I didn't say that you couldn't," Shelby replied. "Quinn, I am not going to argue about this now. Check your hamper please."

There was little room for arguing. Quinn didn't want to lose, but she could see the struggle on Shelby's face and she had a feeling that it wasn't just from her.

"By the way," Shelby said with a small smile. A peace offering, Quinn noted. "Your room is impeccable. Cleanest in the house. Thank you for taking the time and effort to demonstrate that you respect this house and your space."

Quinn frowned. "Thank you?" She handed Shelby a few shirts.

"You can do a small load of your own later, but I would prefer if you washed everything with the rest of the family," Shelby said as she started out of the room. "Oh and you are going on the vacation that you heard me discussing on the phone." She caught the girl's eye. " You're a loud lurker. You're a member of this family. Not only does that include laundry but that includes the joy of visiting the grandparents. So good night, Quinn."

"Night," she said quietly.

…..

Santana pulled on a pair of sweats and her sweatshirt and looked around her room quietly. She was trying her best not to stare at the photo that she purposefully hid behind all other photos. She thought about Brittany for a brief moment. It caught her off guard. She didn't want to see her. Not today. She loved her…. She trailed off. Like a friend but….. It was just hard to see her then. She released a shaky breath and stood up. She walked across the hallway quietly.

She gave a gentle knock of the star decorated door.

"Rachel?"

She opened the door and Rachel was lying in bed and gave a big yawn as Santana walked in. Her sister's big bed was pushed up against the wall and Rachel lay so that her back was flush against it. The little girl always found comfort in small spaces. Something that Santana could not relate to.

"Hey," Santana whispered as she pulled up the glider next to Rachel's bed.

"Hi," Rachel said tiredly as she pulled George tighter in her arms. "Are you going to sleep in here with me tonight?"

Santana gave a small, closed mouth smile with tired eyes. "No, I don't think so."

She regretted her words when Rachel looked at her with confused and questioning eyes.

"I just don't know if I'll stay in here long," Santana said quietly. She shrugged. "I just wanted to see you. I'll stay until you fall asleep," she said with a reassuring smirk.

Rachel's face didn't change. Her tired eyes looked at Santana as she pondered her words.

"What happened today?" she asked quietly. "Why won't you lay with me? You always lay with me."

Santana looked at her sister. She looked so confused. The truth was Santana wanted to lay with her. She wanted to protect her and hold her and drift somewhere where they were safe and happy. But the problem was she didn't know if she could do that without losing it. She didn't know if she could control her tears.

"San's right," Shelby said from the doorway interrupting Santana's tumbling thoughts. "She needs to sleep in her own bed tonight, Rachel, but I want to lay with you tonight. You always let Sanny lay with you. It's my turn," Shelby said with a grin. She met her eldest daughter's eyes. "San, I'll stop in afterward. I'll be right back."

Rachel looked at her mother for a second before her eyes returned to Santana and she continued to watch her. She couldn't hide the hurt in her eyes. "Why don't you ever tell me when something's wrong?" she whispered as Shelby left the room.

Santana shook her head. "Because you're Rachel and I'm Santana," she said with a smile.

"Don't joke," Rachel said quietly.

"I'm sorry, Rach, I just can't."

"No, you just won't," Rachel whispered.

Santana deflated slightly as she watched Rachel snuggle into the sheets away from her.

"San?" Shelby asked from the doorway.

"Would you like to lay with us?"

Santana stood up quickly. "No," she said hurriedly as she left the room.

She walked across to her room and shut the door fast behind her. She leaned against it and squeezed her eyes shut trying to escape. She walked quietly over to her bed and shut the light off. She sat against the headboard staring out at the evening. She wanted so badly for the next day to come so this one could be over.

_ She woke up the room was dark. She could hear a faint cry across the hallway. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. Turning on her night table, she saw that her room was barren. Nothing was there. Everything was gone. Her pictures, her clothes. Her furniture. She was in her room in Lima but it felt like the room in New York … in the studio. _

_ She shook her head. She couldn't be there. She was in Lima. It was eight years ago. That was all gone. It was all gone. _

_ She walked toward the door quickly. The hallway was empty. There was no table and mirror that sat between Santana and Noah's room. There was no artwork on the wall. She frowned. What was going on? _

_ She ran quickly into Rachel's room. She didn't even knock. She needed to make sure that she was okay. Her bed was empty. The sheets were bunched up at the bottom of the bed. George lay rejected and alone. Santana frowned deeper. There was a binkie in the bed. _

_ "What?" she asked as she picked it up. _

_ Rachel was eleven. She never had George and her binkie at once. _

_ She dropped the item and ran down the hallway. "Mom!" she screamed. _

_ The hallway was getting longer and narrower. She looked around her suddenly the paint started to chip. It didn't look like the Lima house anymore. _

_ "Where are the fucking stairs!" she screamed. The house suddenly gained a bend and she ran down it. _

_ Finally meeting the stairs she made her way to what looked like the living room in Lima. She was back there. Everything was fine. _

_ "Rachel?" she called out. _

_ She heard a muffled noise. She ran toward the noise and through a door into the study. She slammed the door behind her and almost instantly the room she entered darkened. She was in another room, a smaller room. She frowned as her heartbeat raced. A closet. She turned around and tried to get out the door she just passed through but it was being blocked on the other side. _

_ "Let me out!" she screamed as she banged against the door. "Let me out!" _

_ Suddenly she froze. Her heart plummeted. Rachel was screaming on the other side of the door. But I was just in there, she thought. I was just in there! She wasn't there. She would have seen her._

_ She began pushing harder at the door again. "Rachel," she screamed. "Rachel!" _

_ "No more, please," Rachel begged from behind the door. Santana frowned. That was definitely the Rachel from her present. "No more…. Please, stop!" _

_ "Rach, I'm right here," she said as she pounded on the door. "Let me out, you miserable bastard!"_

_ The door suddenly yanked open and she froze. Hiram stood before her. He was cowering over her, just like he had when she was eight years old. I'm sixteen, she reminded herself. I'm bigger and stronger. She felt him grab her arms and slam her against the door. His face was a blur. She couldn't focus on him. She tried to look around him for Rachel. She couldn't see her. _

_ "Where is she?" she screamed. _

_ "Santana, be a good little girl," he said like he always did. Didn't he just hear her? She yelled at him. He would have never been so calm. _

_ "Where is she?" she screamed again. She looked around the room. They were in the studio. She spotted Rachel's binkie again lying deserted on the bed. "WHERE IS SHE?" _

_ She looked up and he was gone. She was alone in the room. She breathed erratically in her chest. Where was she? Where was she? She walked around the unmade and barely sheet covered bed. She froze. She saw a tiny socked foot sticking out from the far side of the bed. The tiny body was lying on the floor. No, that's not her, she told herself. It wasn't her. Rachel was eleven; she was bigger than that now. Somehow her feet managed to walk toward the un-moving body. Her heart was practically out of her chest. She neared the body and the more she saw the more she felt everything fall apart. _

_ "Rachel?" _

_ She got to the other side of the bed and there on the floor was a two-year-old Rachel lying unconscious in a pool of her own blood. _

Santana shot up in bed with a scream. She was surrounded by darkness as she let the tears take over. She barely registered as her mother came rushing into the room. She engulfed her in a hug.

"You're okay, sweet girl. Shhhh, Mommy's right here."

Shelby rocked her daughter quietly. The light from the hallway seeped in enough for their rocking forms to be seen.

Quinn opened her door to the hallway and saw Rachel standing in her nightgown peering into Santana's room. She knew at that moment that the whole house must have heard the scream. Despite what her brain was telling them, her feet walked to the girl. Rachel instinctively reached out and clutched at Quinn's side. The blonde followed her gaze with trepidation.

Santana was sobbing in Shelby's arms. In all of her life, Quinn had never seen anyone cry like that. She especially never thought that Santana Corcoran would or that she would ever be witness to it. She had never seen anyone look so broken.

Quinn tore her eyes away from the broken, sobbing girl and looked around the room. She couldn't see a lot of the detail because of the dim light from the hallway. There were pictures and clothes. Posters and more pictures. However, what made Quinn's gaze stop was that there was no door on Santana's closet. The door had been removed. The hinges were exposed. She frowned. Why would they have removed the door?

She felt Rachel's hand extract from hers. She watched as the small girl, who looked, even younger in the nightgown slowly made her way toward Santana and Shelby. Without hesitation, Rachel softly put her hand on Santana's back. It was a simple gesture to demonstrate that she was there, even Quinn could see that. Still sobbing, Santana sat up slightly from Shelby and pulled Rachel into her arms and continued to sob into the girl's neck.

Quinn continued to stand there awkwardly and didn't notice Puck walk up next to her.

"Shouldn't you be in there?" Quinn asked.

Puck watched his sisters and mother sob without abandon. "No," he said quietly with remorse.

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't there," he whispered. "I'm not a part of it."

Quinn frowned as she watched him disappear down the hallway and back into his room. She had now peaked past curiosity. She had to know.

…


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

RosalieTheBeautyQueen – Thank you for taking the time to write the review and loving my story. Sorry for making you cry though – better keep the tissues handy though – I love Santana too!

Claire – Thank you for liking my story – here's the latest

val-cb – As always – thank you for the review

T-Bone – thanks for the marvelous review. Again stop jinxing it. you may come across a chapter you don't like maybe even this one! This chapter is much more mellow than all the rest. I love all of the characters and am excited to put more interactions in. cannot wait! But yeah this chapter is a little blah thank you for your continuously humbly support and gracious words. They mean more than you know.

Marissa – That's ok thanks for reviewing!

broadwaybound2016 – I am glad I made you do the happy dance! They all have so much more to go through and process – too much is still in their heads but hopefully it will all come out the right way – Grandparents are coming up soon!

I-taylorlautner – Puck does feel a little helpless right now but hopefully we will fix that soon. Thanks for your review

SuzQQ – Wow – I love your reviews – you take so much time to write them and I appreciate them so so much ! Trust me it keeps me going to write this story! The grandparents are coming soon and I think you will see where Shelby gets her strength. Santana is trying to work on opening herself up more but like Quinn their walls are very thick and they are very cautious in letting one in – I hope I can continue to entertain you!

NayaFan - Thank you so much for your inspirational words! More flashbacks to come I promise! You are so kind!

OTHangels – Thank you for your review once again – all reviews keep me motivated to keep telling this story.

IxHeartxGlee – Thanks

marinka4 – Thanks for the review – the Corcorans past will be revealed more and more I promise

bueller – I am doing my best to get the story out but to do it justice it needs to come out when it comes out – too much all at once is never good! Thanks for the review

FacingFuture – Thanks for the review. Puck is a big part of this story too but the girls story had to be told first – you will be finding out more and more how Noah became the man he is real soon!

dragonrider94 – No problem - thanks for the review- the Corcorans are a hard bunch of people to crack so it may take a while to hear the whole story but we'll get there – I am glad you are enjoying it.

AcexofxSpades – - Yes Melanie is Brittany's older sister – she used to watch Santana and Puck when they were younger – Britt's storyline may increase soon – so hang in there – thanks for the review.

Renata – Sweetness is all you! Thank you for your reviews - trust me Shelby is very different in this story than the show so I hope she doesn't frustrate you when you read this story!

NinjaGleek21 - - No diva fits please! Shelby is trying to break Rachel of those so I can't have my readers have them. Grandparents are coming I promise you ! Thanks for the cookie!

hypegurl – Thank for the review – Quinn is slowly becoming more comfortable but it will be awhile. She has a very thick wall up right now!

Gleek1990 – thank you for being so observant! More to come I promise – thanks for the review

Ryoko05 – She doesn't but she does – she needs to – she needs to see she is not alone. Thanks for reviewing

othlvr16 – Quinn has a lot more issues than most! But she will soften – she has been hurt by most adults her whole life so its really tough to just all of a sudden trust someone. But she's trying – thanks for the review.

SparkleInTheSun – Santana's story is very sad but hopefully once she opens up she can start to be the happy snarky girl that she was made to be – Thanks for your review

TommyH – Thanks for taking the time to review! Keep them coming!

**AN good morning everyone. Sorry this took so long. I was actually sidetracked by everything that was going to happen in Chapter 17 that writing this took awhile. And no what happens in 17 isn't what distracted me before from the last chapter. So I'm sorry if this chapter is blah. I promise it'll get better, but the things that happened in this chapter needed to happen. they weren't fun filler like some **cough** RIB *cough** tend to do.**

** Please review. **

* * *

><p>Quinn gave a heavy sigh as she slammed her locker shut. The morning had been all sorts of awkward. Santana would barely even look at her. Everyone acted like the screaming sobbing mess didn't occur. It baffled her. Ignoring things that happened under the blanket of night was only a Fabray thing.<p>

However, watching Puck and Santana at school was like watching different people. Their confident, fierce attitudes were beyond her. Again, she thought that she was the only one that pretended. It made her wonder if anyone was who they said they were outside of the walls of McKinley. Her thoughtful rant was interrupted with the sight of McKinley's finest and her least favorite person.

"What do you want?" she asked turning away from Finn.

"Can't I just say hi?" Finn asked with an attempt to be casual. He failed.

"No, you can't." She slammed her locker shut. "You always have some sort of motive."

She arched her eyebrow in impatience. Finn's frowned.

"Fine," he groaned. "I just need to know why you're living with Puck."

"Why do you need to know?" she sneered. "I would say you don't _need_ to know anything about me. You gave that up last year, remember? When we broke up?"

"We're still friends aren't we?" he asked shifting his weight.

"No," she said looking at him with a frown. "We're not."

"You're head cheerleader and I'm quarterback and –''

"That's your reason for us being friends?" she asked with a roll of her eyes as she slammed her locked shut.

She started walking away from him. His long legs didn't allow her to get far from him. He was like a fly that she was constantly trying to swat away. She knew at one point she may have seen something in him, but like many things related to ex-lovers it's difficult to remember when things were great because they are suffocated by everything that went wrong.

"Stop following me please," she told him as she walked down the hallway.

"You never answered my question," Finn said slouching slight to look Quinn in the eye.

"Stalking again, I see," Brittany said walking between Finn and Quinn.

Quinn gave a small sigh of relief. Brittany didn't know all that went on between Quinn and Finn the year before but she knew that Quinn had been left in shambles. The head cheerleader had made sure that her childhood best friend was left in the dark. However, not dark enough because the other blond and her brunette bestie, who was also now Quinn's housemate knew that something terrible brought the reign of the prom king and queen hopefuls to a bitter end. The animosity was still in the air over a year later. Whenever Brittany saw Finn next to Quinn, Quinn noticed that the blond took the roll of indignant avenger. It was a rather funny role on the normally relaxed blond.

"Get lost, tyrannosaurus-stupid," Brittany said linking arms with Quinn.

"Hey, Pierce, go wave your pom-poms somewhere else. This isn't your business," Finn said with a huff.

"Actually, it is when it concerns you and your empire state of mind that over compensates for what I can disgustingly only imagine is a tiny penis," Brittany shot back without looking at the tall boy.

Finn Hudson shook his head in frustration and was about to fire back but was interrupted.

"Hudson, you should get to the gym," Coach Beiste called out. "I know it's your free period and you need a little more practice after the last game." She gnawed on a chicken leg as she continued. "And you and me both know that Puck saved our ass and I need a QB that is focused in the game."

Finn sighed and stalked down the hallway toward the gymnasium doors. He looked over once more and glared as Quinn, as if to say, "I'll figure it out."

"What was that all about?" Brittany asked as he walked away.

Quinn shrugged and shook her head as they rounded the corner. "Nothing. Just drop it," she told her.

Brittany shook her head slightly. "Always do," she muttered.

The other blond squinted her eyes. "What?" she asked.

Brittany shook her head and put on a smile. "Nothing." She thought that she would attempt to change the subject. "Have you seen Santana? She's been avoiding me all morning."

"You're not the only one," Quinn said as they went into their next class together. She met Brittany's look of confusion. "Let's just say that Santana had a long night."

Quinn took her seat.

Brittany opened her mouth to ask a second question, but class started too soon for her to be able to. Again, Brittany felt like she was on the outside. She wanted more than anything to be a part of it.

For the rest of class, Quinn couldn't help but notice her childhood best friend getting rather antsy. Brittany kept staring at the clock every five seconds as if it would miraculously jump eighty. They hadn't exactly drifted apart from one another intentionally, it had just happened. Puberty, popularity and pride frequently does that. They were still friends in school and they talked almost daily. However, it was on the surface. The innocence, grace and freedom of childhood slipped away quietly when neither one of them was looking. It happened even after Brittany and Santana became close friends. It happened when Quinn made a secret vow to keep everyone she knew as far from her personally as possible. The Pierces were warm and welcoming people. Brittany needed someone warm and welcoming. Quinn always believed that that was why she gravitated to Santana Corcoran. Now that she lived with her, she was starting to believe that Brittany was attracted to her for more than just comradery.

Finally the bell rang, interrupting her thoughts. Quinn made a weak attempt to get Brittany's attention before she sprinted from the room. She failed.

…..

Santana stood at her locker. She stared at the back of it as if it would allow her to just escape for a moment. The house had been filled with a weird tension before they all left. Her mother was attempting to 'respect her space.' Puck and Quinn acted like she had the plague. And the eleven year old kept trying to talk to her but she usually ended up running away or making up a lame excuse about towels or breakfast.

Santana frowned when she remembered overhearing something as she was putting on her mascara in the bathroom that morning. Rachel had gone into Quinn's room and spoken to her. It wouldn't have been that that really irked her, it was what Rachel talked to Quinn about. She pretended not to be listening on the other side of the door as Rachel sat on Quinn's bed and played nervously at the sheets.

"She always dreams about me….." Rachel had said. Santana's eyes grew wide and she had to really concentrate so that she didn't drop her mascara brush in the sink.

"What?" Quinn asked in a voice that indicated to Santana that the HBIC wasn't really paying attention.

"Her nightmares…." Santana peaked through the crack of the bathroom door. She saw. Rachel's head shoot up. "Don't tell her I told you though." The young girl shook her head and looked back at her hands. "I don't remember very much. ….. I remember some….. but it's pieces. Santana remembers more and it haunts her." The tiny girl gave a shrug. "Do you have bad dreams like that?"

Just thinking of that conversation made her stomach churn. Rachel knew that the dream was about her and now Quinn knew. Santana continued to stare at the back of her locker. Maybe no one would notice if she just crawled in.

"San!"

Santana gave a small sigh. Too late.

She put on a small smile and turned. "Hey Brit, what's up?"

The blonde approached her with the urgency of an emergency. Santana grinned at the rhyme in her head.

"Um….. how are you?" she asked clearly attempting to tame the energy.

"Fine," Santana said slowly. She tilted her head. Finally, she saw it. She saw that something was at the tip of the blonde's tongue that she didn't know how to say. "What?" she asked with an eye roll.

Brittany chewed her lip. "What's going on with you?" she finally asked.

"Nothing," Santana said quickly lowering her voice. "What are you talking about?"

"Things have been weird lately," Brittany began.

Santana frowned. This conversation couldn't be about her. It wasn't. Things were weird because of Quinn. The brunette nodded. That was it. "You know that Quinn moving in with me hasn't been the highlight of my year. It's barely even been a month and I'm—''

"It's not about Quinn," Brittany said. "But Quinn helped me realize something." Santana squinted her eyes and waited for a response. Brittany went on. "I don't know you."

Santana's face fell without control. What was happening? It's not about Quinn; Brittany was talking to her about her.

"I want to," Brittany said. "I've tried to show you that for the last six years." She shook her head. "You have come over to my house since you moved here. You know my favorite band. You know what makes my sister really pissed. You know what all of the light switches go to in my house. My dad still doesn't know. He has to turn every one on to see where they go. You know that I get scared that I'll never make it out of this town. You know that I hate sitting near big windows….." She trailed off. She squeezed her eyes shut. "The point is that you can name my deepest darkest fears and keep my most sacred of secrets. I know something terrible has gone on in Quinn's life. And I didn't see it before. That kills me. And that made me realize," she locked eyes with Santana. "You have the same look."

Santana shook her head and broke eye contact with Brittany. She couldn't deal with this. She just couldn't. "I'm sorry, Brittany," she said. She looked at the girl. She could see the plea in the girl's eyes. She wanted to give in. She couldn't; it hurt too much. Was this what love was? Was this what it felt like? Her heart fluttered when Brittany went by, but in this moment, she was not only too scared to take the plunge but her head told her that she needed to protect herself. She tightened her jaw, heartened her heart, but the softness in her eyes refused to deflate. "But I don't know what you expect me to say.—''

"I expect you to say something back," Brittany said raising her voice and consequently attracted some stares from passing students. She shook her head and walked a few steps closer to the girl. "I could have done things better with Quinn, but I have put myself out there with you and gotten nothing in return."

"We're friends. We're best friends, Brittany," Santana said hurriedly. "I don't know what more you want from me."

The blonde looked at her and with an even solemn voice she said, "I want you to need me back." She started to walk away from the now stunned brunette, but turned and said "You've been more than just my best friend for a long time." She paused. She leaned closer the girl. "And I think you know that, but you're just too afraid to admit it. The balls in your court, San."

Brittany walked away without turning back. Santana was left with an ache in her heart. Now she wanted nothing more than hide in her locker. She would have given anything to be able to escape.

…

After school Puck stood on the sidelines. His face was scrunched up in deep concentration. His mother had picked up the girls and he was able to stay at practice, thankfully. The Cheerios didn't have a scheduled practice anyway. The fields were deserted. Maybe he would be able to concentrate.

"Hey man," Mike said coming up behind him. "Your birthday's coming up. Will we be having ourselves a little par-tay?"

Puck laughed and shook his head. "I don't know man," he said with a laugh as he adjusted helmet and surveyed the field. "I don't know if we can throw that bash at the bonfire. My ma's got us on a tight leash."

"It's not a party without you there," Mike laughed. "Especially if it's your party."

Puck shook his head. "I'll see what I can do."

"Hey," Sam said walking up to them.

"Are you here to watch our practice again?" Mike asked. "I don't see what Coach Beiste just doesn't bump you up to varsity. You're an amazing quarterback."

Sam sighed. "Tell that to Beiste."

"You're better than Finn for sure," Mike said with a sigh. "He's just cocky because under the shining loser star Ken Tanaka, Finn made varsity when he was a sophomore because the only other quarterback here was Terri Jackson and he had a broken leg and a really bad sleeping disorder."

Sam frowned and looked at Puck for back up. The boy laughed. "It's true. Finn looked like Tom Brady in comparison to this guy. And being that Finn certainly isn't even close to Brady…. More like his crippled half cousin…. You see where we're coming from."

The blond boy smiled as they headed onto the field. "Recruiters are coming for you soon, huh, Puck?"

Puck shook his head. "I don't really care about that. I don't want to play after high school."

Sam shot Mike a look, who just shrugged.

"What?" Sam asked. "Are you kidding?"

"It's been fun, but college ball is a whole other level," he said with a wave of his hand.

"Well, what about scholarships?"

"I don't really want to go to school, Sam," he said with a hint of annoyance. "I need to stay here. Plus….. I can barely get through high school. Why bother suffering through college? Let's just get on the field okay?"

….

Dr. Julie Jacobs sat quietly across from Santana. "So," she said, noticing the girl was deep in thought. "Do you care to share what's going in that head of yours?"

"Circuses and spaceships and cowboys," Santana said with a sigh. She locked eyes with her therapist. "Clearly you're missing out on the party."

"Your wit has always astounded me," Julie said with a grin. "Have you always been so quick and smart with your words."

"Not always," Santana said standing and wandering around the room. "I've had a mouth on me since my mother popped me from her womb. However, the most notable time that I can remember was when I told my mother's director that he had shit for brains. Well you see, Shelby Corcoran doesn't believe in time outs, never did. She believed in learning from our mistakes."

Julie looked at her with a tilt of her head. "Go on."

"My _mother_," Santana said with a shake of her head, "Made us do a report and oral presentation as to why the word was bad and shouldn't be used. We also had to write 'I will not say' fill in the blank 'again.'"

Julie laughed. "So you being you figured out how to get around it."

Santana nodded with pride. "She can't make me do a report if no one has said it. But I still wrote a lot of lines."

The young girl gave a shake of her head. Julie gave a small smirk.

"When was the last time you wrote lines?"

Santana laughed and looked at her hands. "Three weeks ago."

Julie watched as the girl sat quietly and looked at the ground.

"So," she started again.

Santana looked up. "You're going to ask me about yesterday, aren't you?"

"Yes," Julie Jacobs said carefully. "Are you going to tell me about it?"

"No, there's really nothing to say," Santana said quickly.

"Do you really think that?"

Santana looked at the woman and searched her eyes. "What good would it do me to talk about any of it? It's not going to change what happened."

"You're right," Julie replied. "But it might change how you feel about it."

Santana huffed. "I doubt it."

Julie leaned forward and looked at the girl. "Remember when you started coming here?" Santana looked at her with a squint of surprise. She gave a nod. "You didn't want to talk to me then. Do we really need to go back to square one. You haven't told me everything. I've always known that, but telling me some means that you're not the only one in this world who knows it. It takes some responsibility off those your shoulders of yours."

Santana shook her head. "What do you want me to say? It sucks. It's hard. It hurts. All of that's true. I don't feel any different."

Julie folded her hands and rested her forearms on her legs. "Have you ever opened up to anyone else about what happened in New York?"

"No," she spat in reply. "Why would I?"

Julie seemed to ignore her question. "Have you ever wanted to?" She must have seen the hesitancy in Santana's eyes. She went on. "What stopped you?"

Santana shrugged. "I didn't… I don't want anyone to know."

"Why?"

"No one needs to know," Santana whispered. "I don't….I don't need anyone else to see me like that."

"Anyone else?"

Santana looked at Julie with a vulnerability that rarely graced the girl's dark eyes.

Julie continued. "It's not about people seeing you differently. It's about letting someone else in." She examined the girl's features carefully. "You don't really talk to your family about what happened. About how you feel, I mean. And you only do some with me. There must be someone out there you trust." She paused and caught the girl's eyes again. "And that trusts you."

Santana licked her lips and stared at the ground. "There is," she whispered. "It's just….."

"It's just what?"

"It's so hard," Santana whispered as tears pooled in her eyes. She looked at Julie. "What if she blames me too?"

The woman looked at girl with the aged eyes and the old soul, but a young heart. Julie knew that words wouldn't heal years of the girl's own blame.

"Not everyone is going to disappoint you, Santana," Julie finally said. "And I don't think anyone will blame you. What happened wasn't your fault. What happened to Rachel wasn't your fault." She paused and watched as Santana looked silently at the floor as she allowed her tears to fall without shame. "And what happened to you wasn't your fault."

Santana wiped her eyes quickly. "No amount of you saying it makes it anymore true. Not to me." She stood. "Are we done?"

"I want you to talk to someone this week. Tell them something that you haven't told them before be it something big or something little."

"Why?"

Julie looked at her and stood also. She had known the girl for six years and it was time to take a few more steps forward. "Because you can't possibly want to be stuck where you are forever."

Santana looked at her. She knew that Julie didn't mean Lima.

"You can't be angry forever, San," Julie said breaking the girl's thoughts. "It's too tiring."

….

Quinn stared around the waiting room. She watched Shelby carefully as the woman paced on the phone on the other side of the glass wall in the hallway. She felt a surge in her stomach. She knew that she was talking about her.

"She's not talking about you," a small voice interrupted.

She frowned and looked at the eleven year old next to her. "How would you know?"

Rachel put her magazine down with a sigh. "Because I do." The girl folded her hands with ease and purpose in her lap. "How are you?"

"Who are you now? My shrink?" Quinn asked as she grabbed a magazine.

"I'm being serious," Rachel said with a softer tone. "Are you okay?"

"Peachy," Quinn said.

"You're probably going to have your first visit with your mom soon," Rachel said beginning to ramble. "Are you nervous?"

"How would you know?" Quinn said rather harshly.

"Because that's what they do. They let you see her, but don't worry the visits will be supervised," Rachel said nonchalantly.

"Same question," the blonde said slightly more sharply, but Rachel didn't seem to notice.

"It's just what happens. When bad things happen, CPS snaps in line, but they tend to over compensate." Rachel shrugged. "Even when we were taken away, we could only see my mom for short amounts of time every week."

"What why?" Quinn asked her interest now peeked. "I thought your mother was like the saint of all messed up children."

Rachel frowned and looked at Quinn. She paused before she answered. Her look made Quinn regret her words. Before she could apologize, Rachel went on. "She's great," Rachel said quietly. "She's the best, but….." her voice was small. "After everything that happened, they needed to make sure that my mom could handle us." Rachel looked up. "Just like they need to check to see if your mom is a fit parent."

Quinn scoffed. "Fit parent?"

Rachel frowned. "Why are you in such a bad mood today?"

The blonde softened slightly and looked at the younger girl. She looked away and back at her magazine when she finally replied. "Just a bad start."

"Did something happen at school?"

"Rachel," Quinn said with a slight hiss as she set her magazine down. The girl jumped. "Sorry." She rubbed her temple. "Why do you want to know so much about me?"

"Why won't you let me get to know you?" She countered.

Quinn sighed. "Rachel, I'm not in the mood right now."

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because," Quinn said looking back at her magazine. "I am just not."

Rachel sat silently for a few moments and Quinn felt relief. However, she only felt it for a few minutes, more like a few seconds.

"Well whenever you're ready, I'm here."

"Rachel," Quinn said with a groan. "You don't talk about what happened to you. Why do you think I would talk about it with you?"

She was still looking down at the magazine when she asked the question. When she didn't get an answer she looked up and saw Rachel deep in thought.

"I don't know how to talk about it," Rachel whispered. "I don't know what to say."

The conversation was getting to heavy for Quinn. She needed to change the subject and she needed to do it fast. She wanted to know desperately what happened to the Corcorans. However, in that moment as she watched the vulnerability on Rachel's face, she knew that she didn't want to find out through confrontation. She needed to find out another way. And in the meantime, she couldn't have this conversation with Rachel.

"Okay," Quinn said. She attempted to lighten the air. "Let's talk about something else. For instance, that smell. I thought it was something in the car, but it's in here too. What is that?"

Quinn expected Rachel to laugh or make a comment. She knew that's what Santana would have done, but instead she saw a sadness fill her eyes. She looked at the eleven year old in shock. Great. What had she said?

Suddenly the door opened and Shelby came back in. Rachel seemed to force the sadness away and look up at Shelby.

"Hi, Mom," she said with a big smile. Where does she hide that smile? Quinn asked herself.

"Hi, Bug," Shelby said with a laugh. "Santana should be done in a few minutes. Then we'll head home."

"What about Noah?"

"We will pick up Noah," Shelby said with a smile and a sigh. "So detailed oriented." Shelby settled and looked at her magazine. "Do you guys smell that?"

Quinn looked over at Rachel.

Rachel gave a closed mouth smile that still showed her dimples and shook her head rapidly. "No. No, I don't."

Quinn narrowed her eyes. There is so much she needed to learn.

…

Later that evening after homework, everyone seemed to be stuck in their own world again. Quinn watched the family from the counter as she pretended to do her homework. Puck was sitting at the table with frustrated eyes staring at his work.

"Mom," he said in frustration. "Can I go over to Whitney's please? She can explain this stuff."

Quinn and Santana scoffed. Like Shelby was going to say yes. "Are her parents going to be home?"

The three teens looked up in shock.

"Mom, are you serious?" Santana asked.

"Yes," Shelby said with a shrug. "Your brother has been grounded. He's been patient." Shelby dug around in her purse and handed Noah back his phone. "If you let the girls use it without my permission, it's mine again. Got it?"

Quinn frowned as the boy smiled in satisfaction. How was this fair? She wasn't the only one with a concern.

"Mom, how is that fair?"

Shelby turned and looked at the girls. "Do you two really need a presentation? You girls are in trouble for disobeying and attitude and fighting. Or do we need to discuss those events?"

Both of the girls seemed to cower, but their frowns stayed in place.

Shelby continued and returned to her son. "While your birthday is tomorrow you can still –''

"Go to the movies," Puck said quickly.

Santana and Quinn both laughed. They knew better. The whole school knew about Puck's trip to the "movies." It was the bonfire. The epic bonfire party in the woods. Good old fashioned high school fun.

Shelby looked at the girls with a frown and then back at Puck.

"The movies," Santana said with a nod.

"Yes, the movies," Quinn replied.

Quinn wasn't positive as to why she was sticking up for Puck, but she knew that she needed to keep a little leverage. She watched as Shelby went on.

"Tomorrow. You can go to the movies and hang out with Whitney, but curfew by 11pm. Got it?"

The boy smiled. "Okay," he replied. He looked smugly at the girls. "I'm going to Whitney's then." He grabbed his books. "For help… With homework."

Santana squinted her eyes and shook her head.

"Home by ten," Shelby called out.

Puck left the room. Quinn heard the front door slam and the car pull out. She scribbled on a piece of paper. "We're not saying anything?" she wrote to Santana.

Santana read the note and wrote back. A single word. "Leverage."

"Girls, stop writing about Noah," Shelby said with her back at the sink as she cleaned up from dinner.

Quinn needed something to distract her. She needed to figure out more about the Corcorans.

"Can I write up my paper?" Quinn asked holding up her notebook. "I've hand written it already. I just need to type it up."

Santana frowned at her. "Why does she get computer privileges?"

"You do too for writing up homework," Shelby reminded. "Go on, Quinn. I'm already logged on."

Quinn shot Santana a smug look.

"You're writing, Quinn," Shelby reminded. "Not being smug." She frowned. "Why is it so quiet upstairs? Rachel?" She turned to the girls as she dried her hands. "Did you girl's smell that smell in the car? Do you think Puck left something rotting under the seat again?"

Quinn looked up. "No, I smelled it at San's shrink's office."

Santana looked up with a frown. "What? Julie's office never smells."

"Rachel?" Shelby asked again toward the back stairs.

"Yeah, Mom?" Rachel's distant voice from upstairs.

Shelby and Santana exchanged looks. They knew that voice. It was a voice that told them that Rachel was up to something. Like the time that Rachel snuck in a litter of kittens and hid them in her closet for six hours.

"What are you doing, Rach?"

"Nothing," Rachel called from the top of the stairs.

"Rachel, please come down here," Shelby said.

Quinn pretended to watch Shelby talk to Rachel who looked like she had been caught red handed. She typed up a sentence or two and then didn't change her gaze as she carefully moved the mouse to open up a Google browser. She opened a new search and carefully type in Shelby's name. She gazed over at her notebook and pretended to write another sentence as she opened a link.

_Shelby Corcoran, Broadway Star Says Goodbye To Broadway After Family Trauma_

The blonde kept her cool as she finished the story that did not go into much detail. The main sentence that made her want to search more thoroughly was, _"Details of the abduction have yet to be released. It is known that Santana, 8, and Rachel, 2, are still in critical condition at New York-Presbyterian University Hospital."_ Quinn flipped back to the Word document and typed casually another sentence as the browser found another article. She used the keyboard to flip back to the menu. _Music Royalty, Shelby and Leroy Corcoran Call it Quits. – Three-Time Tony Award Winner, Shelby Corcoran and Six-Time Grammy Award Platinum Recording Artist, Leroy Corcoran have filed for divorce, ending their nine year marriage. The two explained that they are grateful for their time together and the family they have built. They have three children, Noah, 8, Santana, 6, and Rachel, 1. Rumors of Leroy's relationship with local Wall Street hotshot, Hiram Irving, have still yet to be confirmed. Shelby told _PeopleMagazine, _"I will always love Leroy and we will always be friends. He and I have shared almost ten years together and three beautiful children. I am grateful for that." _ Quinn rolled her eyes and clicked to another article. _Hiram Irving Gets Life Sentence for Corcoran Children Case_ _Hiram Irving, 40, is serving 25 years for three counts of kidnapping consecutively, 60 years for on each of two counts of child rape. The sentences will run concurrently, and 40 years for three counts for child abuse and neglect. Judge Kyle Morgan said during sentencing that Mr. Irving's actions "were heinous and unforgivable. Mr. Irving will spend the rest of his miserable life in prison. He will never be a free man." Noah Corcoran, 9, offered an emotional testimony last week in court. Santana Corcoran, 8, who suffered a severely broken arm as well as other injuries, testified via video testimony last week also. While their testimonies were pivotal to the case, Judge Morgan assured the court at sentencing last Wednesday that Mr. Irving's "violent and brutal ways" demonstrated how guilty he was. Rachel Corcoran, 2, was in critical condition because of Irving's brutality for over a month. The extent of her injuries are too terrible to go into detail here." _ Quinn took a deep breath. She gazed over her computer screen. Rachel was sitting in the living room with Shelby shrugging her shoulders and looking at her hands. Santana had moved from the dining room table to the doorframe. She was leaning against the frame not even trying to look subtle as she listened to Rachel and Shelby's conversation. The blonde took a deep breath. She wondered at that moment if she was famous what the newspapers wrote about her. She typed another sentence of her paper and clicked on another link. _Healing from Trauma: A Birthday and New Beginning – Rachel Corcoran, 3, was released from the hospital today. After a month of recovery, Miss Corcoran who celebrated her third birthday on Tuesday, was finally released. The trauma of last months events are still very present. Hiram Irving is accused of kidnap and rape in the first degree and is currently on trial for his crimes. Child Protective Services continues to investigate the safety and welfare of the Corcoran children. The children are currently in care. CPS Supervisor, Vincent Graham explains, "We are still investigating. Ms. Corcoran may not have committed the crimes, but we want to make sure that we are absolutely certain that no more harm comes to these children." _

"Close that," a voice suddenly hissed in her ear. Quinn looked up and Santana was leaning over her shoulder, inches from her ear. Quinn didn't dare look over her shoulder. She spotted Rachel and Shelby coming into the kitchen.

"What are you doing?"

"She needs help on this assignment," Santana said with a grin.

Quinn could hear the lie in her voice and she was almost sure Shelby could too, but Shelby just smiled. Quinn heard Shelby faintly tell Rachel to go upstairs and get her nebulizer. A question flashed in her mind as to why she needed it, but she was brought back to the present of Santana hissing in her ear. She closed the browser window but still didn't turn around. "Don't you dare look at our family like that. Don't look at Rachel like she's some kid on the milk carton."

Still without turning around or breaking her gaze from a watchful and coy looking Shelby across the room, Quinn asked, "Our?"

Rachel came down the stairs and watched the girls with a frown.

Santana continued. Quinn snuck a gaze over her shoulder and looked at the brunette. Her brows were furious and her eyes were intense. She shook her head, "Yeah... whatever," she whispered. "Don't. Don't you dare Google this shit again especially with Rachel or Mom in the room."

The brunette stood up and walked over to Rachel and sat next to her.

"What are you doing the neb?" Santana asked as if she hadn't just hissed threats at the blonde.

Rachel shrugged.

"Liar," Santana whispered with a smile and kissed her gently on the temple. "You wanna do my history homework?"

The tiny girl gave a little smirk and shook her head under the mask. "No," she muttered.

"You sure?" Santana said with a grin. "It's riveting."

Quinn watched from afar, wondering if Santana had been right.

…. Puck reached over and stroked Whitney's cheek. He had lied, her parents weren't home. They were at the country club. He leaned over her and kissed her again. They had been dating because of convenience since last year. She didn't require much personal attention. He needed that. He needed not to get attached. "What's on your mind, champ?" she asked with a smile. He gave a grin. He liked a lot of things about Whitney, but mostly he liked that he could relax with her. He didn't have to try, but he also didn't give anything. "Nothin'," he said with a shrug as he let her run her soft hands along his back as he leaned over her. "You just help me escape." He gave a chuckle. "You're pretty great." She gave a wink. "I know it." She kissed him again. "So, boyfriend, it's your birthday tomorrow. What can I give you?" He grinned. "I just like hangin'. We'll bring some beers. It'll fun. Just like a regular night." She nudged him. "It's your birthday, silly. It has to be great." She tilted her head and gave him a seductive grin. "You know I can always deliver." He leaned down and kissed her. "I know you can," he whispered between kisses. "You've always been incredible."

"So, what's the deal with Fabray living with you," she asked when they broke apart.

Puck gave a scoff. "I thought I came her to fool around and not talk about Quinn."

He sat up. Whitney propped herself on her elbows. "I'm sorry, Puck. I'm just…..What am I supposed to think?"

"Nothing," he said with a huff. "I told you not to worry about it. It's personal. It's a family thing."

Whitney pushed herself up into a sitting position and shot her hands up as she leaned against the headboard of her bed. "Right, a family thing!" she said with a huff. "Because your family can do no wrong, Puck!" She shook her head in frustration. "I have invited you over for dinner countless times with my family. You have NEVER invited me over for dinner with yours."

He frowned. "What are you talking about? It's dinner."

"You're my boyfriend!" she practically yelled.

He shook his head. "I'm NOT doing this with you. I had a shit day. A shit week actually. I came over here to escape with you not get yelled at." He stood up from the bed.

"You're supposed to talk to me!" she said. "Not freak out. I'm your girlfriend!"

"Whitney, we have fun together, but you don't know anything about me," Puck said.

"Newsflash, Corcoran," Whitney said sitting up. "I've been trying to. But again, you put this crazy ass wall around you. And what…. What the hell for? Your sisters and your mom? And now Quinn? "

He tightened his jaw and glared at her. "Don't you dare! We're not having this fight. You were the one who gave us labels! Not me! I came over here to have fun! I'm out!"

He grabbed his letterman jacket and started toward the door.

"Wait," she called out after a few seconds. He stopped but didn't turn around. "Forget it. I'm sorry." Her voice was now sincere.

Puck couldn't count the number of times they had had this fight. A voice in the back of his mind told him that he was doing with her wrong. He wasn't treating her like a boyfriend should treat her. But, another voice reminded him, he never said that they were dating. That was her. They had these fights but they always made up. She always asked to forget about the argument. He didn't mind, because he didn't have anything to lose. And if she lost along the way that wasn't his fault.

He turned to her and shook his head. "Let's forget about this and have fun. I have to be home in an hour."

Whitney smiled. "I promise I'll make it worth your while."

He grinned. Things were back to normal.

….

Quinn shuffled around her room for a moment as she gathered her things for the next day. She could see Shelby in Santana's room lecturing her about something and she could hear silent shuffles across the hallway. She frowned. She never did figure why Rachel was on the neb she sounded fine at Dr. Jacobs's office….. What are you doing Quinn? Snap out of it, she scolded herself.

She changed for the evening and tried her best not to focus on what she had read thanks to the power of Google. She failed. Had she been surprised? She paused at what she was doing. What she hated was that she wasn't. She knew the truth in the back of her mind. It lingered there simply waiting for confirmation. However, she thought as she looked through the bathroom to see Santana talking to Shelby about something all while her hands moved wildly, it didn't ease her need to ask more questions. She felt sick inside for wanting more details. They had been kidnapped and…..raped. She almost couldn't say it in her mind. She tried to grasp the trauma of that violence at such a young age. A tiny voice in the back of her head tried to remind her that she shared that with the Corcorans. She shook her head of the thought. It had been different with her. It had started when she was older, the sex did at least… her mind trailed off again in a hurry away from the topic.

A knocked interrupted her thoughts. She looked up and Rachel was standing at the door. "_**Rachel Corcoran, 2, was in critical condition because of Irving's brutality for over a month. The extent of her injuries are too terrible to go into detail here," **_flashed in her head.

"Can I talk to you?" Rachel asked quietly.

Quinn sighed. She wasn't going to get close to this girl, who had too many caretakers already. "I'm kinda tired, Rachel, but quickly."

Rachel was already in her nightgown. She looked sad and she was quieter than usually. Quinn, she warned herself, you don't care.

"Do you know how to do laundry?" the girl asked thus interrupting her thoughts.

"Of course," Quinn frowned looking at her with confusion. "Why?"

"If I tell you something, you have to promise to keep it a secret," Rachel said seriously.

"This isn't an after school special, Rachel," Quinn said folding her arms and looking at the girl. "You can't have that phrase be your lead in."

"Oh," she replied. She rung out her fingers more. "I….I ….. need to get something out of my backpack."

"Go ahead," Quinn said motioning toward the door. "But be quick about it."

"No," Rachel replied. "I mean…. Something got in my backpack."

Quinn frowned and nodded slowly. "Like a stain."

"…Remember how I was grounded last week? Because of the lollypops?"

Quinn nodded.

"Well….. Jeanie Marks didn't take it well."

The blond tightened her jaw. "Did she do something to you?"

Rachel chewed her lip. Quinn gave a heavy sigh. Laundry. ….. Then it hit her. The smell. It wasn't the office or the car that had smelled. It was something the Rachel carried around. The older girl frowned. Rachel had looked clean then what was… Quinn shook her head. Duh. An eye for an eye. Or in this case a backpack for a backpack.

"What did she put in your backpack, Rachel?" Her tone was serious and low, but not harsh. Rachel looked at her in surprise as if she was a mind reader. Quinn didn't have the heart to tell Rachel that she was 99% sure that Jeanie Marks was simply a younger version of an angry, vindictive Quinn Fabray. Rachel looked at her hands. "Rachel?"

"I told you I was a vegan, right?"

Quinn smirked. "Once or twice."

"You can't tell okay? It'll just make things worse." There was a plea in her eyes that Quinn tempted not to give into.

"Do you want my help getting out that stench or not?" Quinn asked with an unconscious snap in her tone.

Rachel looked at her in surprise, but finally went on. "They put eggs in my backpack," she whispered.

Quinn frowned. "What?"

"Eggs….. They cracked them into my backpack….. All two dozen of them….." Rachel whispered.

The older girl felt a burning anger in her chest. These eleven year olds cracked twenty-four eggs in Rachel's backpack….in exchange for lollipops. There had to be more to this story. As disgusting as it was it didn't make sense.

"But last time your teacher called," Quinn said. "Why doesn't your mom know about this?" Rachel didn't look up from her lap. "Does your teacher not know?"

"She knows," Rachel replied suddenly. "It's complicated."

Quinn folded her arms. "Explain it to me."

Rachel looked at her hands. "They don't like me very much."

"Who doesn't? The kids at school."

"Them and my teachers…." Her voice trailed off.

Quinn frowned. She may have been hated at home, but she had made sure that she was worshiped at school by her peers and her superiors. "What do you mean?" She searched the girl's eyes trying her best not to picture the home photo that had been on the newspaper archive website.

"They just….. I'm not an easy person to like, Quinn," Rachel said looking up to meet the older girl's eyes. She gave a shrug. "My mom makes sure that I get to do stuff that other kids don't get to do. I get out of things." She chewed her lip. "Because if I don't….. I get scared….It's hard to explain. Teachers hate me because of what Noah and San put them through and what I'm doing to them now….."

Quinn watched the young girl thought more deeply with a knit brow and a defeated gaze. "Mrs. Aarons told Mr. Paul that she thinks my anxiety is a myth and I'm a waste of their time….." Quinn then watched sadly as the girl's mind ran quickly and exploded out of her mouth in panic. "I can't help it, Quinn. I swear. But, I try. I try to have all of the answers right. I try to challenge them and myself to do better. I try to be what I think is best and it just keeps blowing up in my face."

The blond at that moment felt her heartbreak into even smaller pieces when she saw in Rachel everything that she saw in the people she teased. It wasn't weakness that she went after, one that taunted her because she wanted so badly to break it. It never occurred to the blond that they might be little girls and boys trying to be better too. She looked away from Rachel. It should have occurred to her before, because Quinn herself has been that little girl that tried.

"I deserved it you know," Rachel whispered. She saw Quinn's head snap back to her. "I was the one that put lollipops in her backpack."

"Rachel, she should have never put eggs in your backpack," Quinn said firmly. She stood up. "Do you have something else you can bring to school tomorrow? I will take care of it." Quinn followed Rachel across the hallway. The girl gave her the backpack in embarrassment.

"I got most of it out of my books and things, but ….." she trailed off. "Apparently not enough. Since you guys smelt it this afternoon…..I tried to get more of it out earlier."

"Does your mom know? Is that why you were on the nebulizer?"

Rachel shook her head frantically. "I didn't tell her. You can't tell her anything. She'll storm into school and embarrass me and get my teachers to hate me even more. And you can't tell San or Noah. Their tempers get them into such great trouble. I was on the neb because…. I was just very anxious about the whole thing and it got caught in my chest."

"It?" she asked.

"The situation, I guess," Rachel answered.

Quinn frowned. "So you told me…. Because?"

"Because you'll help me without questions right? Like a secret?"

Quinn frowned. She had told her because she didn't think Quinn would do anything about it?

Rachel interrupted her thoughts. "Can you wash lunch boxes?"

"What?" she asked with a confused frown.

"Billy Meyers put his sister's dead gold fish in mine yesterday….."

Quinn never wanted to kill another eleven year old until that moment.

"Girls?" Shelby asked from the door. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Rachel said quietly looking at Quinn eagerly.

"Just helping her," Quinn began.

"Pick out clothes for gym tomorrow," Rachel said.

Quinn nodded. "Yup."

"Well, Rachel, it's time for bed," Shelby said. "You can pick out your clothes in the morning. Quinn, can I speak with you for a second downstairs?"

The blonde nodded. "Of course." She looked over her shoulder one last time at Rachel as she followed Shelby out of the room. "I'll take care of this," she said just loud enough for Rachel to here. She smirked as she followed Shelby. She most certainly would.

Quinn's smirk faded when she and Shelby sat down at the computer. "Now, Santana is also grounded, but I asked her to stay upstairs so I could talk to you. Normally, you're always with me unless you're in the restroom or getting ready for bed, but I wanted to talk with you privately. Grab a chair." She pointed to a bar stool. Quinn did as Shelby turned to the computer and opened up a web browser. "Now, Quinn. You didn't have a chance to delete the browser history. Do you want to talk to me about what you were looking for?"

The question felt like a stab. Quinn felt like she wasn't just a deer stuck in the headlights. She felt as if she had already been hit by the truck.

"I understand that you're curious, Quinn. But you're grounded and you cannot say you're going to do one thing and then do another. The next time that you need to write a paper, I'll be supervising the whole time," she explained.

Quinn groaned. Shelby leaning over her shoulder was not something that Quinn looked forward to.

She watched as Shelby pulled up a story and turned the screen so Quinn could see. "I know that you read a lot and again. I can understand that, but this is what I remember."

Shelby had a story open of her holding a tiny Rachel in one arm and holding Santana's hand with her other as the Noah walked beside them. They were under the headline. _Family Reunited After Long Trauma. _

"This is what matters to me, Quinn. A lot has happened. It was terrible, but this... me leaving with them. That's what I need to remember." Shelby sighed. "I'm not saying you need to sweep bad things under the rug. No one should ever do that. But you should talk about them, face them. You know? Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if you were Googled?" Shelby let the question sink in. "It doesn't feel great. Just think about it next time." She grabbed Quinn's notebook from the counter. "Now, let's finish typing up that paper you told me you were working on before when you weren't."

Quinn nodded and began to work. Santana joined them a few minutes later.

The blonde wasn't sure if she was sorry. She barely even apologized, she mainly just took the lecture. She wasn't sure about how she dealt with it. Was it right or wrong? She was sure of one thing. She was Quinn Fabray. Maybe Googling was wrong, but while she decided on that she knew one thing was sure. Eggs and dead fish weren't right. She was going to make sure those kids knew that.

…..

When Puck came home Santana, Quinn, and Shelby were still doing homework in the kitchen.

"How's Whitney?" Shelby called from the kitchen.

He passed through and nodded at everyone. "She's fine." He say Santana and Quinn both staring at him. He couldn't tell if they were hating him or they were trying to guess what was running through his head. "I'm wiped. See you tomorrow."

"Night," Shelby called after him as he quietly made his way up the stairs.

He stopped at Rachel's door. He always stopped there. Peaking in, he saw that the room was filled with a soft glow because of the night light in the corner. He could see Rachel's tiny silhouette in the darkness. George lay on the floor slightly abandoned and her arm reached out in her sleep toward the edge. Silently, he made his way into the room. He picked up the stuffed monkey and put it in Rachel's arms. She stirred.

"Noah?" she asked the darkness.

"Go back to sleep," he whispered as he pulled her comforter up to her shoulders.

"Oh okay," she yawned.

He bent down and kissed her gently on the forehead.

"Noah?" came another tired whisper.

"Sleep, bug," he said again.

"Good night," she yawned again.

"Good night."

He watched her drift back to sleep from the doorway. He checked on her often enough. She woke up occasionally. He had let her down in so many ways. She was still behind in a lot of ways. No one in their family talked about how small she was still. They made fun of it but not really talked about. No one discussed her constant anxiety. He watched her body breathe. No one talked about how she was still scared of so many things. The scars ran deep. He shook his head remembering Sam's words. He needed to stay here. If he left, who knew what would happen, not just to Rachel, to any of them.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Anon – Favorite story I am honored – thank you – I try to update as fast as I can but this is going to get pretty intense for here on out – Please hang on tight for me I would hate for you to leave me!

MaJorReader619 - thank you so much for your kind words! I am humbled. Thank you so much for reviewing – those kids are big brats! But Rachel has some protectors in her corner once she opens up and lets everyone know.

TheTBone- Don't ever apologize for the timing of you're review. They're perfect. I appreciate them so much. I'm happy you loved this chapter. I adore how you specify you favorite parts. I love sneaking in little details about Rach when she was little. There was at least one in here that was one of my first inspirations for the story. Thank you for the newspaper headline attention. I give some more information away in this chapter. I'm interested to see what you think as always. Santana is definitely letting Q in more…. She might demonstarate that it upsets her if Q runs. The egg this was purposefully. There's also a call back in here to "lion quinn." It's completely unrelated. I felt like ryan Murphy when he put in the unholy trinity reference: I know about the tumblr and I use it but I ont. Also, I used one of Rachel's lines to from "Original Songs." I sneak a lot of thos little things in there, but being the rockstar you are, you already know that. I also like this line: "Quinn herself has been that little girl that tried." It's so important, because essentially, Rachel is Quinn in a lot of ways, Quinn just doesn't realize it yet. Thank you as always. So much.

NayaFan – Thanks for coming back to review! Thank you for calling my work brilliant!

vballa13 – I am so happy you discovered my story. Thank you for such a beautiful and kind review. There is a lot more to happen to everyone so I hope you enjoy!

amandaes417 – Thank you so much for your review. They really keep me going! And thank you for reading Changes – I am planning to update that soon as well. (I got a little distracted) Both stories though are pretty intense.

Random Dice – I am happy you like the characterizations. I work hard to get everyone right. Brittana is a slow build but it will happen. I think with Shelby as his mom – Puck will eventually make the right decision for himself. Whitney is a sweetheart don't you think! Thank you for reviewing.

broadwaybound2016 – Quinn being Quinn will do what's right. I think Rachel has found a little piece of Quinn's heart. I love Rachel and those people that are bullying her will get their due. Thanks for reviewing. I love that you do it all the time.

AcexofxSpades –Thank you for calling me awesome! I love your reviews and they are not disorganized. I think Quinn is going to make those 11 year olds think twice. And I don't think she is too afraid of the teachers! I hope I don't disappoint you with this chapter! Thanks again.

Shauna – Thanks for the review. This whole matter sickens me as well and that it happens too many times in real life is what makes it all worse. Shelby is very strong but I think you will see where she gets that in the next couple of chapters. She has worked very hard at being her kids rock and it is a daily thing but she wouldn't trade it for the world.

SuzQQ – Loved your review once again – Noah will find the right place that he should be – trust me – Brittany will be helping all the girls out – she is an important piece of this story so she will be coming in more and more. Shelby's parents are coming soon!

w1cked – Thank you so much for reviewing. I did not mean to make your heartbreak but these characters make my heart break too! Quinn may take matters into her own hands to make some things better for Rachel – you'll see.

ajunebuga – Seriously – not lying when I got your review I loved it! Thank you

creativemee – Thank you! Reviews keep me alive.

marinka4 – We all want to kill Rachel's teachers! Poor Rach – Let's see how Quinn handles them – remember Quinn has a lot of anger in her. – Thanks for your review.

IxHeartxGlee – Rachel is a very accepting little girl. She always wants to see the best in people and I think Quinn needs more people like Rachel in her life. Thank you for reviewing

Karissa – Some one will have to hold Shelby back from those teachers when she finds out what they are doing or not doing to her baby girl! Thanks for the review.

Renata – a lot more to come for Britt and San – its just the beginning! Rachel and Kurt are only 11 in this story so NY is a long way off for those two but they will have their dreams. Thanks for the review – hugs from the states.

SparkleInTheSun – Poor Rachel is right – mean kids in that school but Rachel's family I am positive will come to her rescue soon! Quinn/ Rachel's bond is getting stronger and stronger! - Thanks for reviewing

eryn117 – I am so honored that you have made this story your favorite! I am trying hard to make sure I portray these characters correctly and with as much emotion as possible. Thank you for your review.

sillystarshine – yes kids that age are very mean- puck will do what's right for him and his family trust me – Thank you for the review.

OTHangels -I think Santana is always up to something. Thanks for the review I appreciate them!

val-cb – Rachel is very very cute! How could anyone be mean to her? Thanks for reviewing.

ritagarcia45 – I think Shelby will found out but not sure how long it will take. And thank you for taking the time to review – all reviews keep me going and let me know there are readers out there.

NinjaGleek21 – it was definitely a no no from those kids and I think I have something in store from them so I hope I can earn a whole batch of cookies from you – thank you for the review

Ryoko05 – As long as I keep getting reviews I will keep updating so thank you very much.

Gleek1990 – Rachel has been very good at hiding things but Shelby will catch on soon enough and watch out when she does. Quinn may help Rachel but she's impulsive so she may be getting herself in a little bit of trouble. Thanks for the review

Fdlans – Thank you so much for your review. Quinn and Rachel will continue to bond – Puck will make the right choice.

**AN: Alright everyone. This chapter is a little over 11,000 words. Get ready. If we're lucky, and no promises, I'll post again before Dec 25 or on Dec 25, but no promises. Please let me know what you think. A lot happens here. **

* * *

><p>Shelby took a seat in Jackie's office. She had dropped the kids off at school. She had made sure to keep an extra eye on Quinn. There was a look of mischief in her eye, one that Shelby was all too familiar with. She thought about the morning in general. She woke up the kids. Everyone seemed to be dragging, either in spirit or literally. She was sure that Noah didn't actually pick up his feet from the floor as he meandered around the house. Even her little morning bird, who was always so peppy, seemed rather under her normal degree of perky excitement. Shelby frowned. Something was going on, she could feel it. It was an instinct, a mother's instinct.<p>

The door opened. She groaned internally or at least she thought she did because Jackie shot her a look. Judy Fabray walked through the door. Mother's instinct, she growled to herself. A pang punched her in the gut. What about Hiram? The devil's advocate whispered in the back of her mind. She had messed up too. Maybe Judy was the same. Maybe she just messed up.

"So what are we looking at here?" Judy said with a sigh, ultimately interrupting Shelby's internal rant.

Shelby looked around. Elyse Hart sat across from her. Jackie sat on Shelby's other side. Sue Sylvester was sitting with her arms folded smugly across her chest next to Elyse. And Judy chose a seat furthest away from the four women, and in an effort to move away from them all she unintentionally positioned herself in the middle. It almost looked like they were surrounding her. She was already establishing a dichotomy simply be moving her chair away from the four women. She never accepted help. That in the least was the Judy that Shelby remembered.

"We're all here to support you and Quinn," Jackie began.

"Well, excuse me for finding that hard to believe," Judy said with her arms folded.

"I understand that you must feel frustrated," Jackie said again. Judy scoffed but the woman ignored her. "We're going to try our very best for you to get Quinn back."

Judy shook her head. She folded her arms more tightly around her jacket that she had sitting in her lap. Shelby frowned. It was as if the woman thought she could pop in and out of the meeting without any problem. It was as if she didn't think that there was something important to discuss.

Judy Fabray gave a heavy sigh that Shelby noted was similar to her youngest daughter. "I need to get Quinn back in the house so my Russell can come home to me."

The women all exchanged looks. Jackie gave them all looks of warning and began speaking. "Judy, your husband will not be coming home for awhile. We're going to help you through this, but you need to allow us to support you."

She shook her head and she was still able to maintain her posture. "What do you mean?" She looked at the women. "My husband is coming home."

"Judy, your husband has in the very least beat the shit out of your daughters," Sue said suddenly surprising everyone.

"What did you say?" Judy asked icily.

Sue shook her head and laughed. "Don't look at me like that. I saw the welts and bruises on that girl. I'm here to make sure Quinn gets what's best for her."

"Like you would know? You know nothing about us," Judy spat. "You're a single, lonely dyke!"

Sue jumped up from her seat. Shelby and Elyse stood up also to hold her back.

"Judy!" Jackie yelled. "Enough! This is not helping you!" She took a deep breath.

Sue pushed the other women off of her. "I'm here for Quinn. Not for this drunk piece of washed up, unloved, pathetic, weak trash who let her husband beat the shit out of and fuck his children."

Shelby winced at the words and she squeezed her eyes shut. This wasn't starting well. Quinn, we're here for Quinn, she reminded herself internally.

Judy laughed. "The lies that she's telling you are atrocious. The fact that she's pulled all of you into this is embarrassing."

"Judy, we're going to help you get through this," Elyse began.

"Get through what?" she laughed again. "My daughter is a liar. What is there to get through?"

Shelby watched as the women exchanged looks.

"We're going to arrange supervised visits, but you also need to agree to other things in your case plan that we'll discuss today. Substance abuse classes, a psychological evaluation, therapeutic—''

"Please stop talking," Judy hissed putting her hand up. "How many times do I have to tell you my daughter is lying. And my husband—''

Shelby shook her head. With her arms still folded and her voice still calm but icy, she said, "Your husband, what, Judy? We're here to talk about Quinn, your beautiful little girl. What is wrong with you?"

Judy pointed at Shelby. "Don't you dare pretend that you know me."

"I thought I did once," Shelby replied quickly. She shook her head with a frown that looked similar to her daughters'. "The girl I knew wouldn't just throw her daughter away like this."

Judy scoffed. "The girl you knew? Really, Shelby? You know nothing about me. Never did. You were a wannabe. You were a loser."

Shelby stared at her. "We're mothers. Are you telling me that you looked at Frannie's young face and Quinn's beautiful smile and you don't love them? You must see that they need you, that Quinn needs you. You need to fight for her."

The women in the room stared at Judy waiting for her to respond. "Like what?" Judy finally asked. "Like you fought for your children? You don't win the mother of the year award. Look at your children—''

"Actually, Judy, we need to discuss that," Jackie interrupted. "You going over to see your daughter, drunk, and assaulting Shelby's youngest daughter was not only illegal and out of line, but hurtful to your case."

Shelby allowed her colleague to continue to talk. Mothers. There was an innate feeling right? One that all mothers had? Right? Judy must have loved them once. They all had a feeling. The feeling when something was right and a feeling that something was wrong. Mothers had that right? Her mind drifted back.

_Shelby had settled in London. The flat they provided for her was cozy, but it wasn't home. She needed her home. She didn't realize how much she would miss the kids. She just wanted to hold them. She wanted to fight with them over bedtime. She wanted to wake up at two a.m. when Noah needed a drink of water. She wanted to be the one that listened to Santana when she had dreams she just had to share with her at one-thirty in the morning. She wanted to be pounced on at five in the morning by Rachel because she was ready to start yet another day with a smile. Those things that she had rolled her eyes at were the things that she wanted. Quiet nights and mornings weren't as luxurious as she expected them to be. _

_She had been calling every day for the last two weeks. The kids always had something to tell her but also always had somewhere to go. They had just arrived in the Hamptons. She always hated the Hamptons and now that's where she wanted to be. In London, rehearsals had started and she was getting to know the cast, but her mind wasn't in it. Cameron, her manger, had given her several pep talks, scolding her to get her head into her work. However, she wasn't in London. She wanted to know if Rachel had successfully not had an accident. Potty training had been a chore with the other children. Rachel wasn't any different. She was too busy to take a break. Shelby wanted to know if Noah was enjoying the football team that she and Leroy found in the Hamptons. She was curious if Santana had made any new friends, or any new enemies. _

_She raced back to her apartment late. She hated the time difference. It was a five hour difference. She glanced at her watch. It was three in the morning. Shit, then that meant that it was eleven in New York. Crap, she thought. Rehearsals had run late again. There had been so much to go over. She had been trying to get a hold of them yesterday and couldn't. They were still settling in the Hamptons. They must be busy. Shelby pictured Leroy and Hiram chasing after the children. They certainly had their hands full. No one made a better team than Leroy and Shelby had. She gave a joyful smirk. Suck that, Hiram. _

_She collapsed into bed and allowed sleep to take over. Her exhaustion masked her ache for her children. Three months was too long. She didn't care what Leroy said. She couldn't do this. _

_Shelby's eyes popped open the next morning. She glanced at the bedside clock. _

"_Fuck!" she screamed. She was late. She was late. She glanced at her cell phone. "Damn thing." The battery died. Fuck! _

_She finally arrived at the studio down in the theater district. She only got lost twice. Damn it! She cursed at the sign. "Closed Rehearsal," it read. She grimaced and flung the door open. Her pompous costar from Ireland, the director, and the producer were the only ones in the room. _

"_I know I'm late," she said apologetically. "I'm here. I'm sorry." _

"_Well, let's get started __**again**__," the director said with annoyance. _

_Shelby sighed and gave another forced smile. Could this day get any worse?_

_For the next six hours they were on lockdown. They tore apart the music. They rebuilt it. They redid scenes again and again. Shelby hadn't remembered the last time a rehearsal went for so long. There had been several knocks at the door but the director refused to open it or answer any of the secretary's questions. _

_Finally, a break came. She sighed and took a look around the studio. Why did she decide to take this job? She had three Tonys. She had the kids. She had a life. Why was she here? She took a sip of her tea. Before she could give the thought any more time, her manager and friend, Cameron ran through the door looking flustered, pissed and devastated. _

"_Shelby!" Cameron practically screamed. "I've been trying to get a hold of you all day!" _

_Shelby looked at the man she had known for years. She knew at that moment something had happened. She saw it in his eyes. Something was wrong. Everything in that moment slowed down. She felt her body tense and fall apart at the same time. She didn't realize that she let go of her mug. She had dropped her tea to the ground. She didn't even hear it shatter. _

"_What happened? Is it the kids? Are they okay?" she asked hurriedly. _

"_Did you watch the news last night? Your phone?" _

_Shelby shook her head. The world still moved like molasses. She felt it coming and it was something bad. She sensed that her world was about to fall apart but she didn't know how. She just knew it was going to come. There was a storm brewing and it was just going to start pouring and there was nothing she could do about it. _

"_Leroy died yesterday." _

_There it was. _

_She felt her legs crumble. The words seeped into her pores without question or hesitation. The truth penetrated her like a knife. Everything seemed to shatter in that moment. _

_She shook her head. She needed to get home. Santana must be devastated. Noah must be in pieces. And Rachel, she shook back tears. Rachel must be so confused. _

"_How? How?" she asked repeatedly. "How?" She sobbed and shook her head. _

"_He had a stroke," Cameron said quietly. Shelby searched his eyes. There was something else. What wasn't he saying? _

"_What? What else?" Shelby practically hissed. Cameron searched her eyes. "Cameron!" she hollered._

_Finally, he found his words. _

"_Sanny was with him," he said quietly. _

_Shelby shook her head. She wiped her tears. She needed to be there. _

"_I need to get home," she said standing up. "I need to get home." _

"_I already booked you on the next flight," he said helping her to her feet. _

_She gave a nod. She just needed to get home. She needed to get home. _

_It felt like a few seconds, as if she was floating on air. Everything was still moving in slow motion. Nevertheless, a few hours later she was waiting with Cameron at the airport. With a charged phone in her hand, she looked indignantly in frustrated sorrow at the departure board. __**DELAYED DELAYED DELAYED**_**. **

"_How is this happening?" she asked no one. _

"_I don't know," Cameron responded. _

_She barely had any information. It had been a stroke. That's what the news was saying and that's all the news was saying. Even Leroy's manager didn't know much. No one was releasing any information. Shelby growled internally. She knew exactly who that 'no one' was. Hiram was not cooperating. He wouldn't listen to Leroy's coworkers. He wouldn't listen to anyone. He wouldn't even let anyone into the house. Shelby understood mourning but this. No. No. This was not okay, especially since the last time she checked, her children were with this selfish, mourning bastard. _

_The phone in her hand vibrated. She looked down and let out a sigh of relief. _

"_Kate," she said with a heavy sigh. "I'm stuck in London. I can't get back." _

"_He's having the burial tomorrow, Shel," Kate said with desperation. "How the hell can he do that?" _

_Kate was Leroy's sporadic younger sister. She adored her like she would any little sister. Shelby was talking her down. She didn't realize until later that someone should have been talking her down. _

"_We'll get home," Shelby said. "Hiram's a jerk but he's not-''_

"_No! He is," Kate screamed through the phone. "He won't let anyone see the kids. My parents got to the apartment and he won't answer the door. Your mom got into town earlier today and went over and she said that she couldn't hear a thing in the house. She even called the police. Hiram then threatened to charge her with trespassing. I don't know what's going on, Shelby. He said that they are burying him in some Jewish cemetery. Leroy's not even Jewish! This is all happening tomorrow. I can't even bury my brother and he is ruining it." _

_Shelby pinched the bridge of her nose. "I know that, Kate! I'm trying to get home. I will call my parents. I want my kids out of there." _

"_Your mom has tried that," Kate said. "My mother told me that she called the police over. And the police checked things out and then came out and said the kids were fine, but that custody fights weren't their job. We need to contact the lawyers." _

"_Jesus fucking damn it!" she screamed. She took a deep breath. "Wait, so he's not waiting for anyone for the ceremony and he's not letting anyone see MY KIDS, MY KIDS damn it!" She took another deep breath and didn't even see the entire terminal gawking at her. She opened her eyes and refocused on the phone call and tried to ignore that her body was shaking with a heart broken rage. "Where are you?" _

"_Denver. I'm waiting for my flight to leave," Kate responded. "How will we do this?" _

"_We're going to get through this," Shelby said calmly. "Just focus on getting on that plane and getting to the house. I arrive tomorrow evening. I will get into that damn house. I will get there." _

Shelby had her eyes shut when she came out of the memory. Judy was screaming about something. She felt an aching pain in her heart. She hadn't made it in time. When she had finally arrived at the brownstone almost eight years ago, there were police already there. Her mother was standing outside shaking her head as she talked to the police. Shelby had collapsed at that point. She couldn't handle any more heartbreak. The kids were gone. Her mother had called the police again and insisted that the children be looked in on. The ceremony had been held and they all missed it. No one had seen them leave the house or return, but Leroy had been buried and no one had been able to mourn him. The kids apparently were the only ones that attended with Hiram. When the police looked in, the place had been stripped. There was nothing. They were gone. Shelby didn't remember everything about that day. She remembered seeing her mother. She remembered feeling as if everything she knew would become even harder. She knew that in that moment everything had been broken and gotten even worse.

Shelby frowned and glared at Judy. Shelby had fought for all that she was worth. She fought for months looking. There were flyers, news interviews, radio interviews. She had even been on Dateline on NBC. Not only was the entire city looking for his kids, but the entire country. She didn't sleep. She didn't eat. For two months she looked. And then when they finally found them, it took over a month to get them back, almost two.

She watched the blonde beauty queen across from her. She had instincts and they failed her. She looked at the woman in front of her. She needed to know. She had to know.

"Judy," she said not realizing that she interrupted Jackie's description of the situation. "Do you love your daughter?"

Judy scoffed. "Of course I do."

"Then fight for her," Shelby said. "She has been through trauma after trauma and you need to be there. You need to love her."

"Love isn't enough with her," Judy hissed. "She needs help. She ruined everything. I will make sure that she knows that."

"No, you will not," Sue interjected.

"You cannot threaten her," Jackie said at the same time.

Shelby watched Judy's face as the women continued to argue. She looked deep into the woman's eyes. She once saw hesitation there. She once saw a fighting passion for something more. It was gone. All she felt was cold when she looked into those eyes. And Shelby knew at that moment that Quinn could never be left with her.

"I have Quinn's best interests at heart," Shelby said interrupting again with a calm tone. "Quinn needs a loving home. She can't even sleep in a bed, Judy. Do you know that?" She didn't wait for a response. She saw a faint and fleeting flicker of something in Judy's eyes. "She sleeps on the floor. That's safer to her. Your other daughter came and ripped her apart with hateful words at the hospital. I have a restraining order against her also. What have you created? What have you allowed to happen? Are you truly this unhappy? So unhappy that you ruin everyone else around you?"

"Shelby," Jackie interjected.

Shelby shook her head. "What happened to you? How did you become this terrible person?"

There was no rhyme or reason though. Shelby realized that in that moment. Sometimes people make small decisions and in those moments they lose themselves. That's what had happened to Judy Fabray. She was lost. And the worst part was, she didn't even realize how terrible she had become. She didn't realize she had destroyed the girl she once was. She had drowned the person that she hoped to become. Now she barely existed in the world as the worst person she could be.

Shelby shook her head. "You'll never get Quinn back. Not like this. I'll make sure of it."

"Shelby," Jackie snapped.

"She won't even follow her case plan," Shelby argued. "Will you, Judy?" She looked at the woman with fierce eyes. "You won't go to AA. You won't listen to anyone at the parenting classes. You'll refuse to go to therapy. You won't listen to anyone unless they have a glass and a bottle of liquor or their name is Russell."

The women looked at Judy who seemed to hold Shelby's gaze. They waited for her to respond. They waited for an answer.

Judy straightened in her seat and held her jacket closer to her body. "My husband did nothing wrong. We're good people. You're all against us. "

Jackie bit her lip. She had seen more cases like this. She had seen parents who would point the finger at everyone in the world before they would ever even consider pointing it at themselves.

…..

….

Quinn walked into study hall. She looked up at the clock. Study hall and then lunch. She could get away and no one would notice. Mr. O'Leary was sitting at the desk.

"Excuse me, sir," the blond said politely. "I'm going to work with Coach Sylvester during this period."

"Whatever as long as you have a pass." He waved his hand in her direction. She gave a nod and walked out of the room. She stopped at her locker in the still busy hallway. She didn't seem to notice the brunette watching her from her own locker. Quinn closed the locker and walked down the hallway toward the exit.

Santana slammed her locker and shook her head.

"What's wrong?" a voice asked her. Santana looked over her shoulder and saw the blonde. She looked forward again.

"She's going to run," Santana said pointing in the direction that Quinn just went.

Brittany followed her gaze. "No, she won't."

Santana looked at her with genuine surprise. "How do you know?"

She leaned against the locker. "Quinn won't do anything unless someone tells her. Unless someone makes her."

Santana squinted her eyes at her best friend. "Are we talking about the same person?"

Brittany gave a smile and rolled her eyes. She took the girl's hand and brought her to the locker room. They too had study hall, but unlike Quinn, they never even bothered to check in. Brittany sat down in front of the girl.

"Quinn won't run from Shelby or from any of you," Brittany said simply.

"She has tried," Santana said with an edge. She deflated slightly under Brittany's soft gaze. "She opened our window on her first night and she ran from my mom after we got into that little thing…. And I heard she ran from the group home."

Brittany gave a deep breath and took Santana's hands. "She's the captain of the Cheerios, right?" Santana nodded with trepidation. "She danced with me growing up. And she's the head bitch in this school." The brunette gave her a look. All of these things were true but what did they have to do with the conversation. And, Santana thought, she was a head bitch too. Brittany seemed to read her mind. "Other than you, of course," Brittany covered.

"Yeah," the brunette finally said. "I don't get what you are saying. She still ran."

"If Quinn Fabray wanted to run, she would have by now. She can outrun any girl on the squad." Santana gave her another look. "Besides you, of course." The blonde continued. "She won't run. I don't…." She trailed off. "I don't know all that happened with her father, but wouldn't she have run from that?"

Santana looked at her with her eyebrows knitted. Quinn would have run, right? Who wouldn't? Santana thought about herself suddenly. She shook her head. They were talking about Quinn, not her. "It just doesn't make sense to me. Why wouldn't she run?"

Brittany chewed her lip. "Quinn's always been the most obedient person I know?"

She frowned. "Really? Again, are we talking about the same person?"

Brittany tilted her head and looked at her. "Quinn may be head bitch here, but it's because it's the only place she has control. She has control of her peers." Santana gave her another look. "Besides you, of course." Santana watched as Brittany sighed. "But when it comes to adults, Quinn never questions. You know? She needs that approval. She always has. She will threaten to run. I'm sure she did when she opened the window, but she would never do it. Quinn doesn't want to let anyone down. Once I heard her father yelling at her when we were little. He was screaming at her after dance about how worthless she was. She just looked at him. She looked him in the eye. She wasn't scared. I was horrified. We were like ten or something. She looked at him. She was soaking in his words. It's not … simple. She took the hand she was dealt, San. I would tell her all the time how great she was. Every time I complimented her or anyone did she would look at us with such distrust. But… when she looked at her father when he yelled at her... She took it. It's… I don't know… It's hard to explain. I think that everyone in the world needs approval. However, sometimes the people we need approval from aren't people that are able to give it, you know?"

Santana felt Brittany's eyes watching her. At some point during the blonde's speech, she looked down at her hands. She chewed her lip.

"Yesterday, what you said..." Santana began.

"Yeah," Brittany blushed. "I'm sorry. It was a lot."

"What I mean is….." Santana dug for her words. "What I mean is… If you see Q like that... How do you see me?" She met Brittany's eyes. "You know her. You know her by watching her." She wrung out her hands nervously. "We do this thing, you and me. We scream and yell and then we don't really talk about it…. and we start over like nothing happened… I feel that you probably do that because of me…. But… " She shrugged and continued to wring out her hands like a soaked rag. "Am I the one?" she asked quietly. "Am I the one that doesn't give you the approval you're looking for?"

She finally met the blonde's eyes tentatively. She was holding her breath.

Brittany searched her eyes. "In a way, I guess you are." There it was. She had said it.

Santana looked away. Julie Jacob's words rang in her ears. _"It's not about people seeing you differently. It's about letting someone else in…There must be someone out there you trust_…. _that trusts you."_

She looked at the blonde. "So Quinn won't run because she's afraid of disappointing people?"

"Sort of but mostly she needs someone to love her. It's not about not having a place to run to." Brittany watched Santana's face. "In a way," Brittany rethought. "In a lot of ways, Quinn's not as strong as you." Santana frowned. What did she mean? "I ….I don't know all that happened in New York, San. I'm not judging. I never did. We've never talked about it. And I know that it was different from Quinn. I respect you and care for you and it has nothing to do with what happened." Her words were so careful and so soft. She could see Santana was on the verge of confused tears. "And in a lot of ways, San, you've run. I know you." She gave a slight smile. "You've always had this fighting spirit." Santana bit her lip. Her father used to say that. She looked at the ground. "Quinn doesn't. She's been beat down so many times that she expects it. She won't run because it's not an option. She fights instead for approval and for love, but I don't even know if she realizes that. You know? It's not about taking it. It's not about her being weak. She's so, so strong. It's not as easy as weak or strong, flight or fight. You know?"

She watched the floor more intently afraid to look up. "I know that it's not simple," she whispered.

"I know you do," Brittany said taking the girl's hand. "She won't run. Trust me."

Santana finally looked up and wiped away a stray tear. "I do. I trust you…."

"You just don't trust you," Brittany said. She still held tight.

She remembered Julie's words. _"You can't be angry forever, San." _

"Brittany, I….I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For not being, I don't know," Santana shrugged. "For not being enough for you." She chewed her lip. "I have all of these feelings that I don't really understand …. But I ….I…." She met the blonde's eyes. "You're more than my best friend too. I just am afraid of losing you. I know I don't tell you a lot, but…. You know me better than anyone." She straightened. "I'll try harder. New York was really hard. And It's still hard and Quinn …. It just brings a lot of it back."

Brittany squeezed her hand. "I figured. I'm here if you want to talk about it. Always."

Santana looked at the ground, but kept her contact with the blonde. She watched from the periphery as she ran her thumb over Brittany's hand. "I'm scared of losing everything and everyone that I love. My step-dad …" Santana shuddered. "He broke us. And…. I miss my dad every day." She swallowed a slight sob. She held Brittany's hand tighter. "The pain just aches all the time. I think about him and I miss his laugh. His smile. And I don't know how to be in this world without him. Sometimes I forget that he's gone." She gave a tearful smiled. "And something happens and I want to tell him. And then I remember." She bit her lip. "But you know what? What I want to tell him, I tell you. And we always laugh. I need you just as much. I just…. I don't know how to let you in."

Brittany reached out and put her hand on Santana's cheek. Santana leaned into the touch. "You are. You are right now."

Santana took her hand and reached over and pulled her into a hug. She needed contact. She needed something. She needed to hold her. She didn't know why. She just needed to be held and to hold. She needed to escape into that, into the pressure and safety of someone's arms. She rested her forehead on the blonde's and closed her eyes as she allowed herself to escape. She felt her breath on her cheeks. She wasn't sure what happened. She didn't know. She didn't even notice her heart beating like it was about to explode. All she knew was that the world had allowed her to escape. With her eyes still closed, she reached out and allowed her lips to touch the one person that she had ever let in that wasn't related to her. She didn't even have time to think about rejection. She closed her eyes and took the leap.

She felt Brittany's lips kiss her back and she fell. She fell into them. It wasn't messy or sloppy. It was the best first kiss in the history of kisses. Not because of the passion and the wanting, but because of the mutual hope that was exchanged. Finally, Santana pulled away breathlessly. She leaned her forehead against Brittany's. She never felt so safe. However, in that moment, when she lost contact, the reality crashed into her like a train. Her eyes flew open. She looked at Brittany's eyes with fear and confusion.

"I'm sorry. I …. I'm sorry. I ….." She broke her contact with the girl and stood quickly from the bench. She continued to stutter. "I can't…..I'm sorry. I ….."

She shook her head and ran out of the locker room. She couldn't. It … no…. She…. She couldn't even form a sentence so she ran. She ran as fast as she could.

….

Rachel looked around the locker room with a frown. Kurt was ignoring her. It was fall. She had finally moved up to Warren G. Harding Junior High. There was something about naming the schools in Lima after presidents the general public didn't approve of. Harding was fifth grade through eighth grade. She had just turned eleven at the end of the summer. This was supposed to be her year. Except, it wasn't. She just turned eleven and was in fifth grade at a new school. She was practically an adult. She frowned, except no one treated her like one. She was a child in their eyes. Her mother had given her a choice to go to Harding Junior High where Santana and Noah had gone or attend a private performing arts school. All she ever wanted was to feel special and to feel chosen, but she also wanted more than anything to blend in.

She sighed. She had felt none of that. Her only friend was ignoring her. She shook her head. He was ignoring her on the worst day. It was PE day. Physical Education was never her forte. She looked around the locker room uncomfortably as she pulled her shirt over her head. It didn't help that every girl had gone through puberty already. She looked down at her own body. She looked like she was nine years old. Everyone knew it. She was the smallest one in her class. She gave a sigh and frowned. Maybe she would grow boobs someday. Her mother and sister were gorgeous. They had perfect everything and here she was underweight and underdeveloped. If it were survival of the fittest she would have been eaten by all of the lions. She frowned as she walked as confidently as she could out to the gymnasium. In a way, she already had.

She folded her arms and tried not to stare at Jeanie Marks and her henchmen. If Rachel didn't hate her she would think she was pretty and cool. But, Rachel thought as she tightened her arms, she hated her. She snuck a glance over at Kurt. He was actually dressed for gym. He actually looked ready. She was positive that he wasn't speaking to her because her mother had pulled her early from rehearsal a few days ago.

She frowned as she watched Coach Carter line the center line of the gym with balls. Bologna, she thought. Dodgeball. She groaned. They played a couple weeks ago. There was an unspoken rule that if you didn't want to play you were tagged out first….. by everyone. Everyone threw the balls at you. Coach Carter explained, "You don't want to play then you're on a team of your own. Either you tagged out fairly with your own team and participate or everyone tags you out." Last time, she, Kurt and Miles Cornfeld were on that team. Rachel looked around. Miles wasn't there. Kurt looked ready to play. The thing is Rachel hated team sports and she especially hated dodgeball. It wasn't that she wouldn't play. It was that she couldn't.

She couldn't throw balls at someone else. She bit her lip. She never told her mother about dodgeball at school. She was already hated by everyone. She didn't need another reason. She didn't remember much about Hiram, but she remembered a few things. One of the things that stuck out in her memory was his anger. She remembered him taking it out on her. Her therapist had used those words. She had been told he "took it out on her." But when you're little and all you remember are things being thrown at you… and him on top of you… Dodgeball really wasn't something she could do.

"Corcoran!" Coach Carter yelled. "Are you participating or are you going to cop out?"

The entire class turned to look at her. Her mouth tried to form words. "I…. I …. "

"Spit it out, Corcoran!" He shook his head. Once he had told her that Santana and Noah were never as terrible as she was. Well, he hadn't said it to her. He had grumbled it to the ground during their flag football unit, which for some reason had become the let's-see-how-many-times-Rachel-and-Kurt-could-be-'accidentally'-tackled unit.

Rachel frowned. Coach Carter really hated her. She finally just shook her head.

"Anyone else going to bow out of this epic American game?"

She looked around. There was no one. She swallowed. She was alone.

Quinn walked into the school. She gave a signature smile at the school receptionist. "What a lovely surprise, Miss Quinn!"

"Hello, I was just going to say hello to Coach Carter."

The woman nodded and she made her way toward the gym. She heard Rachel say that she had gym at this time. She just wanted to look in on her. She was angry with herself when Rachel told her that she only told her about the kids at school because she assumed that Quinn wouldn't do anything. Quinn hadn't ever stuck up for anyone but Brittany. She thought about it more deeply. She had never had to stick up for someone or it was that she never wanted to. However, now that Rachel didn't expect it, she felt a need to be there for her.

Quinn stood in the back of the gym. She saw Coach Carter screaming about something. Then she spotted Rachel. Her heart dropped a little. The girl was clad in a t-shirt and gym shorts. She looked even smaller and younger than she normally did. She was standing by herself on the one side of the gym with a look of dread on her face. Her arms that had been tightly folded over her chest slowly loosened. Wait, she told herself. She remembered this. When the kids didn't want to play, Coach Carter allowed—

She didn't finish her thought. Suddenly twenty-three balls were chucked at Rachel. Quinn couldn't even see the girl for almost fifteen seconds. When the balls finally settled Rachel was cowered on the ground with her legs tucked underneath her and her arms over her head.

"You're out, beaker," Jeanie laughed. The other kids laughed. Quinn caught Kurt looking regrettably at the girl.

"Walk it off, Corcoran. You're fine."

Quinn watched as Rachel stood slowly. She wasn't fine. Rachel was little and she was just caught in the battlefield of dodgeballs. She watched the girl wince and walk briskly to the locker room. She watched as everyone else readied for the game. She watched with anger and frustration as Jeanie and her friends laughed.

_The pool at the country club was the busiest place to be on the weekends in the summer. Five years old and Quinn wanted to be a good swimmer. She stared at the pool. She however didn't know how to go under without plugging her nose. She really wanted to—_

_Her thoughts were cut off when she felt herself being picked up and thrown into the pool. She let out a shrill shriek as she was pushed in. She clawed her way to the top only to feel a hand push her down again and again and then a third time. Finally, she was able to sputter to the surface. She coughed the water out of lungs. It was burning. She blinked her eyes. They were on fire too. She looked up and Claire Browning was laughing with her friends as they watched Quinn struggle to get her breath. _

"_I thought you could swim, Fabray," she laughed. _

"_I can," Quinn spat through her coughing fit. She looked up and her sister was one of Claire's people. She was laughing with them. Maybe, Quinn thought as she caught her breath Frannie will stick up for her. Maybe, she'll—_

"_I think she needs another lesson," Frannie sneered. "How else will she learn?" _

_Claire pushed Quinn back and she fell back into the pool. She could hear the girls laughing as she struggled under the water. She kicked her feet and pushed up with her arms. It was getting harder. They allowed her to come up for air and then as soon as she thought she almost caught her breath they pushed her back down. _

_Suddenly she felt a pair of gentle arms on her. She felt herself being pulled out of the water. Someone was rubbing her back as she coughed up the water. _

_ "What the hell do you think you're doing?" _

_Quinn blinked back the water and hugged the warm body that was holding her and rubbing her back. She looked at the nice pearls and the blonde hair of the woman holding her. For a second she thought it was her mother, then she heard the voice more clearly as her ears cleared up._

"_That was dangerous, girls! Claire Browning, your father will hear about this. Get out of here! I will be talking to each of your parents!" She waved her arm in their direction. "You should be ashamed of yourselves! Go find your parents." The girls started to disperse. "Frances, you stay here," she called out. _

_Mrs. Pierce set Quinn on the ground. Quinn looked the beautiful woman in the eye as she caught her breath. "Are you okay, sweetheart?" She gave a quick nod. Mrs. Pierce redirected her attention to her sister next to her. "You should be ashamed of yourself, Frannie! Go get your sister a towel and meet me by your mother at the bar over there. Shameful!" _

_Quinn followed her sister quietly as they retrieved a towel. Frannie tore it from the towel boy's hands and threw it at Quinn. She almost fell backwards. Frannie caught her by the front of her suit. She wrapped the towel around her roughly and pulled Quinn towards her. Her ears were still ringing but they rang louder when she felt her sister's palm hit the side of her head. _

"_Thanks a lot!" she hissed. "This is all your fault!" _

_Quinn didn't have time to respond when she felt Frannie grab the towel and drag her toward the bar. _

She sighed as she watched Rachel disappear. Frannie never stood up for her. Claire Browning had been mean to her until she finally pushed her in the pool. She had a sore bottom from that but she remembered how it was worth it. She knew that Santana and Puck stood up for Rachel but not how she needed. Certainly not how Quinn thought she needed.

The blonde squared her shoulders and walked into the gym with her signature smile on her face.

"Fabray," Coach Carter smiled. "What are you doing here?"

"Just visiting. Running an errand for Coach Sylvester," she said with a shrug. She nodded toward the locker room. "Shouldn't you do damage control?"

He shrugged. "You mean Corcoran?" He waved his hand. "She's a cry baby. I know she has it in her. Her brother and sister were brutal. She just needs to toughen up."

Quinn kept her game face. "I see. Yeah, I know them," she shrugged casually. "However, you don't want a lawsuit? At least make sure she's not going to go cry to her mom, you know."

Coach Carter laughed. "She won't. This is the third time this year. Though this is the first time she's been alone." He shrugged. Quinn gave an arch of her eyebrow. He reconsidered. "I guess I should check, huh?"

"Maybe even bring her girly friend too," the blonde suggested casually. "Can't be alone with a student and all."

He nodded. "Always thinking." He pointed at the other kids. "Whip them into shape, will ya?"

She gave him a smirk. "Of course."

She watched Kurt eye her suspiciously as he was called over by Coach Carter and then pulled into the locker room.

She looked at the kids. "Let's play. On my count."

The dodgeball game began. She pulled over the bin of balls and loaded up. She continued to wear her game face as she pitched a ball with all her might at Jeanie Marks's head. It slammed against her with force. She smiled.

"New rule," Quinn announced. "If you're tagged out by me, you get an extra five lives. You can stay in until you are tagged out five times." She gave a smile and a tilt of her head. The kids looked at her with frowns of confusion.

Quinn continued to use every muscle in her body to pound the balls against Jeanie and the other girls. She spotted Billy Myers when someone cheered him on from the sidelines. She aimed and fired and watched him fall clenching his family jewels. It wasn't long until the kids were all moaning in pain wanting to be tagged out.

"Please tag me out," Jeanie whined.

Quinn smiled. "Sure thing!"

She brought her arm back, even though the girl was barely two yards away from her and hit her straight in the face. The sound echoed around the gym.

Quinn smiled. "Anyone else?"

The kids all looked at Jeanie's form on the floor and shook their heads.

"Well continue," she laughed. "The game is still going on."

She proceeded to chuck balls at random kids. Each of them groaned in relief when they were tagged out.

"How's it going?" Coach Carter asked as he emerged from the locker room.

"I hate dodgeball," Jeanie whined. Her face was red already from the last hit Quinn delivered.

"Nice work, Fabray," he nodded in approval.

"How's the girl they pummeled?" Quinn asked casually with a steel face.

He shrugged. "She's fine. She told me she doesn't even need to go to the nurse. Right, Hummel?"

Quinn hadn't noticed Kurt follow the Coach out. Kurt was too busy surveying Quinn's damage.

"I must be going," Quinn said with a shrug. "Thanks for letting me play."

Quinn grabbed a ball in her hands as she walked toward Jeanie and her friends.

"You're Quinn Fabray," Jeanie said with awe. "Head Cheerio."

"Sure am," Quinn said with a grin. She bent close to Jeanie's ear. "Being a bitch doesn't get you far. Lay off the weak kids, because you'll be a weak kid when you get to high school. I'll make sure of it."

She stood up and started to walk away. She turned suddenly. "Catch!"

She took the ball she was tossing and put all of her strength behind it, using both of her hands. She pitched the ball overhead and straight again at Jeanie's face. She didn't wait for it to land before she walked away. The slap, groan then the slam of the body against the floor didn't phase her as she exited the gym.

"Walk it off!" Coach Carter called out as Quinn left the gym.

Rachel made sure to wipe her tears and swallow the ache in her body before she exited the locker room. She had assured Coach Carter she was fine. She was fine. She took a deep breath and exited. She frowned at the sight. Everyone was groaning in pain on the ground. She looked at Kurt who just shook his head with a mixture of horror and confusion. She arched her eyebrow and watched as Jeanie Marks stood up cradling her face.

"I have a bloody nose, Coach," she called out.

"Lean your head back and don't drip on the floor," he yelled. "That, kids, is how you play dodgeball."

…

Brittany watched as Santana ran from the room. She felt a heavy burden on her head. She hid her face in her hands. What had she done? Fuck.

"Well, well," a voice taunted behind her.

She looked up and hardened her face. She stood to her feet.

"What do you want, Shitney?" Brittany asked with her hands on her hips.

Whitney scowled. "You really need to get new material."

The blonde scowled. "You need to stop taking big shits at the Corcorans."

The senior frowned. "I was sick!"

"We all know," Brittany said with mock sympathy. "We all heard you."

"You really need to stop being so proud of that," Whitney said. "I have this over you now." She smirked. "McKinley's Cheering Lesbos. Great ring to it, don't you think? God, I mean no one would really be surprised with you, Brittany. You practically scream 'whatever-I-can-take.' But Santana." Whitney laughed and shook her head as she circled Brittany. "What would people say? Head Bitch herself. A Lesbian in Lima. What a cliché."

Brittany scowled at the girl. Whitney wanted her to break. She couldn't show this bitch that her heart was beating out of her chest. She couldn't let this girl win. She gave a smirk. She wouldn't let her. She learned a lot from being friends with Santana. One of the things she learned was leverage. She had saved this for a rainy day.

"I don't think you'll say a thing," Brittany said casually.

"And why is that?" the senior laughed.

Brittany gave a smirk and giggle. "How long have you been with Puck?"

"Over a year," Whitney said crossing her arms.

The blonde laughed this time and watched Whitney shift uncomfortably. "And when did they entire hockey team get syphilis?"

Whitney's face hardened as she took in an angered breath. "That wasn't me!"

Brittany laughed. "Really?"

The older girl shook her head. "Puck and I were together."

The blond crinkled her nose with a smile. "If I remember correctly, you were fighting. It was winter. It was cold. You needed something to keep you warm. I remember very well. It was last February. We went on Winter Break. You and Puck got into this epic fight in the garage about something….What was it?"

"Valentine's Day," she said with a grunt.

Brittany smiled. "Right, Valentine's Day." She let her smile fade. "You then spread your 'love' to the hockey teams. I wasn't positive until I saw you at the hospital when I went to pick up my dad. You were getting your penicillin shots. I snooped. And I have kept my mouth shut until now." She watched as the information sunk in. "What would Puck think if he knew?" She stepped close to the girl. "Imagine at this moment me telling the school that you gave the hockey team syphilis." She paused and let the possibility become a reality in Whitney's imagination. "What you think will happen, what you expect to feel, if you tell anyone about what you just saw in here will hurt Santana a million times worse. Don't be a heartless bitch." She watched the girl's eyes register the information. "Puck would never forgive you. Ever."

Whitney folded her arms with a glare. "He can't know."

The taunting smile on Brittany's face faded. "Then shut up and get out of here."

She frowned but left the locker room.

…..

Rachel's body ached for the rest of the afternoon. Kurt still wouldn't look at her. Her only satisfaction was that Jeanie Marks had an ugly bruise on her face.

"It matches her insides, don't you think?" she asked Kurt lightly after school.

Kurt gave a tiny smirk but didn't look at her.

"Are you mad because I had to leave rehearsal early?" He didn't respond but Rachel could see the confirmation in his eyes. "Please don't be mad," she began hurriedly. "Please. It's not my fault. My mom forgot that my sisters had an appointment." Kurt snorted. "What?" He didn't look at her. "Listen, thank you for asking me if I was alright after class today."

He stood from his seat to go turn in his paper. "It was gym, Rachel. It doesn't matter."

She frowned. "Why are you so angry with me?"

He stopped and turned to look at her. "I just…..You and your family Rachel you think you can do anything. Even Quinn thinks that now –''

"What are you talking about?"

"You let people just fall at your feet. I tell you that Mr. Schuester freaks me out and you leave me alone with him," he said with sadness. "I mean really, Rachel? Can you be that oblivious?"

"Kurt, I really don't think—''

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter what you think. It matters how I feel and you just ignored that. And it sucks. I'm sorry. I just need a while to be mad. Leave me alone, Rachel."

She frowned after him. This day really sucked.

….

Santana sauntered out to the parking lot in front of the school. Just as Brittany predicted, Quinn was waiting there. She frowned as she realized that Brittany had been right: Quinn wouldn't run.

"Hey," she said casually.

"Hi," Quinn said smugly.

Santana frowned. There was a reddened stain on the back of Quinn's uniform. Before Santana could ask a question, one of her least favorite people was suddenly invading her personal space.

"Hi Shitney," she said with a grin.

Whitney frowned and folded her arms.

"As your brother's girlfriend and a senior, you owe me more respect, you never know what I know, what leverage I have," Whitney said with an arch of her eyebrow.

"Back off, Richards," Quinn said annoyed. She was exhausted. Chucking balls at eleven year olds was a tiring task.

"Oh right _Captain_," Whitney hissed. "Because you have graced us with your presence, clearly I'll follow your orders."

"Back off Richards," Santana hissed. "She's still your captain."

"Correction," Whitney counters. "Actually she's posing. She hasn't been at any practices really, and if she has, she doesn't do much. Therefore, at most she's supposedly the captain. Also, she's staying at my boyfriend's. So _Captain, _tell me again to back off."

Quinn looked at her and smirked. She shook her head. "Back off, Richards."

Santana waved her arm in frustration. "Like she said, back off. Calm your lady balls, Shitney. Stick them back up your ass and walk away. And you know what, my brother has never called you his girlfriend. You know why?" Santana didn't wait for an answer. "You're a desperate idiot and he's not your boyfriend that's why. He just sees you as a long term fuck buddy," she sneered. "And secondly Quinn is your captain because she can do this."

Santana dropped her bag. She ran and did a round off back handspring into a full twisting double layout and then landed it perfectly. She looked at the smug senior who was trying her best not to look impressed.

"We can do that and you? You're still mastering somersaults." She looked at the girl with disgust.

"What's happening?" she heard her brother ask.

"You're timing is impeccable," Santana forced a smile.

"We'll be waiting over here," Quinn said as she practically dragged Santana away. "Aggressive much?"

"Oh, thanks, Mother Teresa," Santana scoffed. "And you're welcome."

"Whatever, we know you don't like Shitney, but put your fangs and claws away."

Santana frowned. "Again, you're in a good mood. What's up with that?"

"You're in a particularly _bad_ mood, what's up with that?" Quinn fired back.

"Touché."

A silence fell over them. Santana snuck a glance over at the girl. Finally, Quinn broke her thoughts.

'We don't need to have a moment, do we?" Quinn asked with a sigh.

Santana folded her arms as she waited for her mother to pull up. She paused and looked forward. "Nope, this is as close as it's going to get to a heartwarming moment. Take a picture. It'll last longer.."

…..

Noah watched Quinn and Santana head toward the edge of the parking lot.

"What was that about?" he asked with a nod as he wrapped his arms around Whitney.

"They're just being dicks," she said with a sigh leaning into the boy.

"Yeah, they do that."

"So Santana," Whitney began.

"What about her?" Noah asked tensing a bit.

Whitney shrugged. "Nothing, baby. Just…. She dated Gavin Coleman last year right?"

Noah frowned. "Yeah," he said with a growl. "And he was a dick. Why are you asking?"

"I'm just asking," Whitney said, noticing that he was getting upset.

"Don't ask, okay?"

The girl frowned. "What? Why?"

"She's my sister. It's not your place." He relaxed and didn't seem to notice Whitney's dissatisfaction with his answer. He gave her a grin. "We're still on tonight. Bonfire?" She nodded and leaned in for a kiss. She was trying to ignore his dismissal of her questions. She needed him. "Perfect. Pick me up?"

"Absolutely, birthday boy," she smiled.

Santana felt bile in her throat rise as she watched them kiss. Her brother could date a cereal box and it would gross her out less. She felt a nudge on her arm. She followed Quinn's gaze. Shelby waved at them from the Range Roover.

Quinn sat quietly in the backseat. There was a stinging in her back that indicated that something has split open. Fuck those eleven year olds she cursed at as they pulled up to the junior high school. She watched with a pang of a minor degree of guilt as Rachel climbed into the backseat with her and Santana with a wince. The girl's head was down and she was practially silent. She reached behind her for her seatbelt and grimaced.

"Why are you taking so long?" Noah asked from the front seat.

"Lay off," Quinn scolded. She reached over and grabbed the seatbelt for Rachel. However, the girl looked at her in frustration and grabbed the buckle herself.

"I got it."

Santana didn't pay attention to the exchange until the end. Her mind was elsewhere.

"You okay, bug?" she asked over Quinn.

"I'm fine," Rachel whispered as she went back to looking out the window.

Santana studied her for a moment, knowing that she wasn't, but knew she would take care of it at home. She turned back to her window and let her mind wander.

The rest of the evening seemed to glide in uncomfortable, distracted silence.

While they picked up after the meal, everyone's eyes seemed to be focused on each other. Quinn watched Rachel with caution and Rachel searched Noah for answers of his bad mood. Noah continually glanced over at Santana and finally Santana was watching Quinn. Shelby watched the kids dance carefully around each other as they searched for answers to their days. Her own mind was still caught up in her morning meeting.

Santana allowed herself to sitting at the bar and spread out her work. She just wanted this day to end. Therefore, she chose the homework that required the most brainpower. She needed not to think about the things she confessed in the locker room, or the person she confessed them to. She sighed. She also couldn't think about the kiss that had been exchanged. She wasn't that person. As she tried to soak in the words of her textbook, she couldn't escape Brittany's words that still echoed in her head. Approval. Whose approval did she need? She shook her head. No ones.

She tapped her pencil on her books. Acceptance. She wasn't gay. There was no way. If she was….her thoughts trailed off. She wasn't going to let Hiram do that to her. He had already ruined everything. She wasn't going to let him shape her life and especially her future and who she loved. What he had done to her wasn't going to destroy her…. Right? Santana snuck a look over at Rachel, who seemed rather out of sorts. She was oddly quiet and she almost looked sad. Making a mental note to talk with her later, the older brunette thought on. As much as she loved Rachel, what Hiram did penetrated and shaped Rachel's entire being. He had drastically altered who she was supposed to be. However, with Santana, he had just left a deep wound that wouldn't heal. She was raised by two very open and liberal parents and she knew in her heart that her mother would love her if she had been born with an ostrich wing and a giraffe's head. It was everything else that shook her and scared her: the talks and the whispers, but even more achingly, she was worried about what being gay meant to her and for her. It would require her to open up to honest feelings that frightened her simply to think about. She wasn't ready to be gay. It just was never the way she planned for it to happen. There was no doubt in her mind that she cared about Brittany, but she wasn't ready to love and certainly not ready to be loved. She wasn't going to do feelings, Santana Corcoran stopped doing feelings a long time ago. It's not as easy just to love. Chick flicks lie. It's not about a long speech of accepting who you are and crap. It was a constant battle, one that Santana wasn't ready or even willing to fight.

The phone rang interrupting her thoughts. She stood up to get it.

"Nope, you're grounded. Sit back down," Shelby said standing up from her seat, where she was helping Noah with his work.

"I can still go with Whitney in twenty right?" he asked as Shelby grabbed the phone.

She waved her hand at him with a nod and picked up the phone. "Hello?" Santana watched with a frown as her mother stepped into the other room with the phone, but she could still hear her mother's responses. "Yes…. Yes, well- I know my daughter and I …. Yes… I will be speaking with her…..yes. Okay, Thank you."

Santana felt eyes on her. She looked over and Rachel was looking at her with accusing eyes, asking her what she had done. The older girl simply shrugged.

"Rachel," Shelby said with concern and surprise. "Can you come speak to me in the other room please?"

The smaller girl slid out of the chair. Santana noticed for the first time that Rachel was wincing.

"What's going on?" Santana said quickly.

"This doesn't concern you," Shelby said. "Rachel, come in here please."

Quinn couldn't control her heart that beat rapidly in her chest.

"No, Mom," Santana said standing up. "This is my concern. Come here, Rach."

"Rachel, come in here please," Shelby said again. "Santana, I mean it. Let me talk to Rachel."

"Find out why she's wincing," Santana hissed.

Quinn had a foreboding feeling in her chest. Shelby doesn't believe in hitting her children right? She, Puck and Santana quieted even their breathing so they could hear the conversation in the other room.

"That was Mrs. Marks on the phone," Shelby began. "Do you want to tell me what happened in gym class today?"

Quinn could barely see, Rachel's face but she saw the girl frown and shake her head.

Shelby continued. "Apparently, Jeanie came home with a black eye. She told her mother that you threw a ball at her face."

Quinn froze. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! She squeezed her eyes shut in frustration. She heard Rachel's panicked voice from the other room. "I didn't, Mom. I swear! I didn't!"

"Rachel, we know you didn't do this. You literally cannot hurt a fly," Santana said gently sitting next to Rachel.

"Santana," Shelby said with a frown. "I asked you to wait in the kitchen."

"Technically, you didn't," Santana challenged. Her mother shot her a look. "I need to know."

Quinn watched from the kitchen as Shelby chose her battle.

"What happened today, Rachel?"

"Nothing," Rachel muttered. "We just…. We played dodgeball."

"You hate dodgeball," Santana said. "You couldn't even play soccer with the kiddie league when you were five. When the other kids asked you to pass to them, you thought they were chasing you so you picked up the ball and ran in the other direction. You don't do dodgeball."

Noah suddenly realized something. He felt a pang of guilt because he was never on the receiving end; he had been the kid throwing the balls.

"Rachel, you chose not to play didn't you?" Noah asked from the doorframe.

Quinn poked her head around the corner. Rachel was looking at her hands. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. "Mom," Noah said with his arms folded and his brow furrowed. "Look at her back."

Rachel stood up and pulled away. "No."

"Noah, what's going on?"

"Coach Carter allows kids to sit out during dodgeball, but they have to be tagged out by everyone else," Noah explained. "It's fun for everyone except the kids who don't want to play."

"I'm sorry, what?" Shelby said with her bitch-in-charge voice.

"I'm serious," Noah said. "Everyone throws balls at the kid who doesn't want to play."

Shelby looked at her kids in shock.

"Rachel, come here," Santana said reaching out to her.

"It's just dodgeball. It was just … It was just a game. I didn't touch Jeanie and …. It's just a game." Her words were hurried.

"Is it?" Quinn heard herself ask.

The family looked at her and Quinn swore that Santana narrowed her eyes.

Rachel shook her head and continued. There was a clear panic in her chest. "I don't know why Jeanie would tell you that. I didn't touch her."

"Wait a minutes, Jeanie Marks. Isn't that the girl whose backpack you put lollypops in?" Santana asked.

She looked at her big sister in shock. Every time she thought Santana wasn't listening, apparently she was.

"Yes, but that doesn't matter," Rachel said finally as she looked at Santana in shock. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Rachel, come here," Shelby said noticing that her youngest was starting to get flustered and panicked. "It's okay. Just tell us what happened." Her voice was soft as she held out her arms.

"It's nothing. Just a fun game."

Quinn felt an anger flare in her chest. She shook her head and pretended to concentrate on her homework.

"What do you know, Quinn?" Santana suddenly called out to her.

"Nothing," the blonde said. "Why would I know anything?"

Rachel reached out and pulled Santana back to the conversation. "She knows nothing. Can we please drop this? Please?"

Rachel's desperation was past sad. Quinn could see that her eyes were glistening. She was freaking out. Noah knelt in front of her and took her hands. "You didn't want to play, right? So they all threw the balls at you in the first round, right? Let us see, Rach."

Rachel shook her head and pushed her brother away. "It was just a game. It's no big deal."

"If it's no big deal, let's look to see if you're alright. You should not come back from gym class with bruises," Shelby said reaching for Rachel.

"No," Rachel said pulling away. "I'm fine. It's no big deal. I'm fine. Don't treat me like a child!"

"Rachel, come here," Santana tried again. They all didn't want to grab her. She panicked if she was grabbed. They needed to do it right.

"No, please just drop it. I'm fine. I didn't touch Jeanie." Her tears were now falling.

"Rachel, honey, we're not mad at you," Shelby said gently. "Please just let me see."

Rachel struggled and looked at her family. She knew she was trapped. She couldn't get out of it. She knew she had to give in. She always did. Shelby watched as her youngest daughter gave in and sat with her back facing Shelby as she looked at her hands. Santana took her hands. Shelby gave a vocal gasp when she saw the bruises that freckled Rachel's back.

"What happened?" Shelby asked. "Coach Carter permits this?"

Rachel pulled away. "It's fine. Please just drop this. It's just a game. That's all."

Quinn felt her blood boil. Something about hearing Rachel shrug it off for the millionth time broke her patience. She remembered seeing Rachel get attacked with the sea of balls. "It is a big deal, Rachel!" She didn't realize that she had screamed it until the words left her lips.

The family looked at her. Rachel was shaking her head with wide eyes. "Please," she begged. "Please, don't."

"What is she talking about, Quinn?"

Rachel looked at her the tears were falling again. "You promised."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

NayaFan – Thank you so much for reviewing – Shelby is getting very protective of Quinn now – I think Shelby learned so much on how Quinn thinks by knowing Judy. Rachel may not see it now but she will eventually see that Quinn only thought what she did was her way of helping Rachel. The flashbacks are key to this story.

Gleeks09 – A simple thank you to you is not enough! You are so right when you say it takes time and energy to write this tale. I love your review and love that you see the passion I have put forth in this story – your review really lifted my spirits and I thank you so much!

Blank – While I do love and appreciate EVERYONE that comments and reviews my story, I did my very best to get this chapter out around Christmas – However, I was blessed with being able to spend time with my friends and family during this holiday season. I will never post a chapter just to post a chapter – I need to make sure that it is the quality that my readers have come to expect from me – so if it takes a little longer – trust me it is not for a lack of effort or energy. Thank you for liking my story and I hope that you will continue to enjoy.

AcexofxSpades – If I were the school I would certainly fear the wrath of Shelby Corcoran. Picking on her little Rachel. Quinn tried but ….sometimes even though the right intention is there her tactics may cause her a little bit of trouble. Shelby will set her in the right direction. Thank you for your review

TheTBone – Your fav parts are always mine. I love that you see little lines and pull them out. It means lot that you read so closely. Kate will def be coming in later. Don't worry. I cannot write Brittany dumb. I just can't. She plays such an important role in Santana's life in the show and she's undermined. Her and I do whatever I want with her and make her the strong young woman she is. Oh Shitney's storyline get's a little more humorous in bad and good ways here. Get ready. The dodgeball stitch wasn't just in there for character fun but it's an essential component for all their development and I didn't realize it until I was writing this chapter. Let me know what you think. The "You promised" line was added seconds before posting. I have actually been struggling with this chapter to really grasp Rachel's heartbreak over what she thinks is Quinn's betrayal for a long time. I hope this chapter conveys that. Let me know what you think, it means so much to me. Thank you. so so much.

vballa13 – 11,000 words and I have so much more to tell! I always want to keep going but – somehow it gets the best of me!.. Santana and Quinn have a way to go because they are alike but it is moving in the right direction. Thank you so much for reviewing I truly appreciate it!

broadwaybound2016 – Favorite story? I am so honored ! Quinn is trying but she has not had much of an example for a big sister since hers is rotten but hopefully with Shelby's guidance she will get there. Thank you so much for the review.

FacingFuture - Where I come from middle school is 5th – 8th grade – and I know it changes from school to school so Rachel just started middle school. It is fall because they are still playing football and that is done in the fall. Judy is a complete nut who thinks her husband beating her daughter is appropriate unfortunately. Unfortunately even if the teachers knew the story of Rachel's past they also taught Puck and Santana and they have different personalities than Rachel and I myself have experienced teachers that should not be in the profession but somehow still are. Because of evil Hiram – Shelby did miss Leroy's funeral. The only reason she found out he died was because they were famous and the news got a hold of the story or it could have been weeks before she knew. Thank you for the review and keep them coming. I hope you are enjoying the story.

OTHangels – Thank you for the review. I promise more Brittany /San moments and Rachel /Quinn moments –

w1cked – Sadly there are still teachers like Coach Carter teaching today – Thank you for your kind review I try my best to make sure my readers know just what each character is thinking.

marinka4 – you need to get in line behind, Quinn, Santana and Puck before you get to kill Jeanie! I think those two will make sure Jeanie does not have any more issues with Rachel

IxHeartxGlee – Thank you for your review. Quinn will learn that it wasn't the correct way to handle the situation but she is a work in progress with so much to learn because she truly has rotten parents – she just thought it was best for Rachel – at the same time Rachel has to stop letting herself be bullied.

RainbowGleek – these kids are in high school and middle school so these are pretty tough years in general – these kids are not living in the past but their pasts have molded them to be the way they are and to act the way they do and these events are horrible – with the right love, guidance and support around them – they will learn to heal and move on to their futures. Thanks for reviewing

Gleek1990 – I absolutely love your review! Quinn taking matters into her own hands though might land her in a bit of trouble but I think Jeanie Marks deserved it. And yes the coach is an a- hole but Shelby will show him his place.

Renata – That is how I picture Rachel too – so so cute. Best story ever? Thank you so much ! Keep sending your love from Brazil because I love to see it!

sillystarshine – Happy Holidays to you as well. Thank you so much for you review and your patience! I do my best to get these chapters out as fast as I can!

val-cb – Thank you for the review – hopefully now that the holidays have past I will have more time to update ! We will see.

ajunebuga – Throw caution to the wind – the next couple of chapters will hopefully amaze you more. Thank you for the review!

othlvr16 – In due time Santana will come around and find out who she actually is – she is bottled up with emotion and there is no one more qualified than Brittany to help her along the way – thank you for reviewing

Ryoko05 – well here is the next chapter of your book online. Sorry for the delay – thank you for reviewing my story!

LebaneseForNayaRivera – unfortunately for you there will be more angst this chapter – but you guessed right when you say Quinn and Santana are sisters – pain in the ass half sisters – because they are getting there but there will certainly be plenty of angst along the way. And Shitney – well stick around in the next few chapters we shall see how Shitney is doing. Thank you for reviewing.

SparkleInTheSun – Quinn is trying to do what she thinks is best but….. her thinking is a little off. She is really only trying to help. Kurt needs to support Rachel more than not doing anything for her but we will see where that goes. Thanks again for the review.

amandaes417 – It makes me smile to know that you smiled! Changes update I am working on and trying to get that one out too. I wished this was out by Christmas but the holidays got busy for me and I can only update when I am focused so thank you for your patience. Thanks for the review

Everlane – Thank you so much for your review. It truly made my day. I'm sorry that this issues hit close to home but I'm grateful that you appreciate my portrayal of the situations. Rach is extremely mature in a lot of ways but young in a lot of others. We will see how the school situation is dealt in the next few chapters and I'm not sure if Rachel will like it one bit. San is one of my favorite characters. I am able to do so much with her without straying from what we were given with in the show. She's awesome to work with. Same with Quinn. Thank you for noticing and affirming the hard work I put into this. It truly invokes such humility and grace and I am grateful. I'm sorry that I made you cry but I'm appreciative that you're as connected with the characters as I am. Stephen King, I don't think so. I don't wing it as much as I get to know the characters and then try to tell a story. I like telling stories of people you know as if it were a conversation. I want my readers to be there every step of the way with me. So take your story in your head and describe it to the best you can. That's all I have to offer and I hope it helps.

Jennifer0912 – Thank you for your well thought out review! I love Mama Shelby and yes she may not approve of Quinn's tactics – she will teach Quinn the right way to respond in time. Quinn has had 16 years of parenting that was pretty awful so Shelby has a little work to do but she will get there. Brittany is a smart one and we love the Pierces.

NinjaGleek21 – All those cookies I got ! Wow – that's what took me so long between updates I was enjoying my cookies. Thank you so much – I hope you like the latest!

WittyNinja – Thank you – Kurt is fine right now with Mr. Schue – but… we shall see

**AN: I'm sorry it took so long to post. I was visiting my friends and family in my small home town. Most of them I hadn't seen in a year. I hope the wait was worth it. I will try my best to post as soon as I can. Thank you for your support. **

Rachel stared at Quinn. The tears fell without control. She promised she wouldn't say anything about the eggs or the fish. Rachel could see it through her tears in Quinn's eyes. Disapproval. She had promised. Rachel felt a new wave of tears coming. Her breaths hitched in her chest as the reality of the situation set in. She had been so careful to make sure that her family didn't know what happened at school. Her family pitied her; she was babied. It wasn't even Halloween yet and the bullying had already started. She was hoping people liked her more as the school year went on. Maybe people would like her better if they knew Noah scored the winning touchdown or Santana led the Cheerios to a National Championship. However, her teachers didn't like them and her classmates believed she was too much of a loser to be associated with them. She confided in Quinn and now she knew that the trust that she invested had been misplaced. The blonde must have inferred from this latest incident during gym that Rachel lied and down played everything

"What did you promise?" Santana asked.

Rachel's tears took over as she gasped for air.

"Sweetheart, you need to calm down," Shelby said kneeling next to her daughter trying to have her comforting touches graze her daughter's body as lightly as possible. The bruises that littered her back looked like they throbbed. But the girl's heaving was becoming too much.

Rachel's teary eyes still locked with Quinn's. She had trusted Quinn and thought that Quinn didn't see her as a child. However, she did and even worse, Quinn saw her as weak. She didn't believe that Rachel could handle it. Rachel's dark eyes darted to her family. Their looks all radiated with concern. It ached. She didn't need concern. She had been protected her whole life. She wanted to be let go.

Quinn saw the panic and distress in the girl's eyes. Her cheeks were flushed and stained with tears. She wasn't sure what the girl was thinking, but at that moment, Quinn never felt closer to the tiny girl. And also, in that moment, Quinn never accepted how wrong she had been. No one had ever looked at her in the way that Rachel was looking at her in that moment. Rachel believed in Quinn and she had let the tiny girl down. In the heat of the moment as she smacked child after child in the face with a dodgeball, she thought that she had been doing the right thing. It wasn't though. In reality she knew that she had presumed that Rachel's problem was fixable. She thought she would just show those kids who was boss and Rachel would be fine. However, staring at the shattered eleven year old she saw that the scars ran deep. It wasn't about eggs, dead fish and balls nor was it about revenge and the good and the bad. It was so much bigger than that. As Rachel heaved in another breath, Quinn saw how she had truly made things worse.

"Rachel," Quinn began.

She wanted to tell her that she wasn't going to tell. She wanted to tell her that she was going to fix it.

Rachel shook her head rapidly, causing her tears to fall more quickly down her face. "It's just a game," she said with an angry furrow of her brow. "I'm fine. Please just let me deal with it."

Shelby reached out for Rachel again. The girl's chest heaved, but pulled away. "Rachel—''

"You think that I can't handle _anything_!" Rachel cried.

"Rachel, that's not what we think at all," Santana said gently taking a step toward her sister.

The youngest Corcoran backed away. "No," she hissed with the tears still falling. Her breathes hitched again in her chest. "I-I-I'm fine. Let me…. I'm fine."

Quinn took a step forward much to her own personal hesitation. Rachel saw her step forward and looked at her with frustrated tears. "How could you? I trusted you." She shook her head trying to hold her tears back as she locked eyes with Quinn. "I just needed someone to talk to! It doesn't need to be this big deal! I told you!"

"Sweetheart, this is a big deal. You're not supposed to come home from school bruised," Shelby said with her hands up in surrender trying to hold her daughter, knowing that she needed to calm down.

Rachel's breaths heaved in her chest more and she tried to catch her breath like a fly away kite. She managed to grab it, but barely. "N-n-n-n-no!" She looked at Quinn. "I told you they would o-o-o-o-overreact!"

Santana's gaze dodged from Quinn to Rachel. What the fuck was happening?

"I didn't," Quinn shook her head slowly, also visibly upset. "I didn't know it was this bad."

Rachel continued to heave but her face fell. "W-w-w-what do you mean? I told you….. I-I-I-I told you that it was just…" A realization settled on her face and she shook her head furiously motioning at her back. "N-n-n-no. It looks worse than it is. I promise."

Quinn locked eyes with Rachel. She didn't see Santana's confused furrowed brow or Puck's worried eyes. She didn't hear Shelby's pleas for Rachel to calm down. Simply instead in that moment, Quinn knew that she needed to convince Rachel that what was happening wasn't okay. Hearing a child's pleas echo in the same tone and desperation that she silently whispered to herself, tore something in Quinn that she couldn't comprehend, but had never felt so deeply. "It's not. It looks how it is."

Rachel at that moment knew that she couldn't stay here. She couldn't be in this conversation anymore. She looked around at her family once more and then ran.

Shelby watched Rachel run out of the room. Crap, she thought to herself. Crap, crap, crap. She turned to Quinn and took a deep breath.

"Wait here," she said trying to mask her anger. "We're going to have a talk in a few minutes." She walked out of the room after Rachel calling her name.

Quinn watched after Rachel with confusion and regret. Suddenly Santana was in her line of vision.

"What the hell do you know?" Her face was icy but her eyes showed their concern and worry.

Quinn shook her head. "It's not my story to tell."

"This isn't a joke," Santana said with a rare show of vulnerability. "She's hurt and she told you something important and you didn't say anything."

The blonde tightened her jaw. "Don't ask me. Ask her."

"Well, she's not in a sharing mood right now," Santana hissed.

"Guys!" Puck barked.

The three of them looked up when there was a slam. A door. "Shit," Santana muttered. She knew that sound. It was the sound of the closet under the stairs.

"Rachel?" Shelby called. "Honey, please come out."

There was a moment of silence as the three of them stared at the door that Shelby had just run after Rachel through. Santana remembered the last time that Rachel locked herself under the stairs. It hadn't gone well.

"Noah?" Shelby suddenly called. There was urgency in her voice that caused the boy to move swiftly out of the room.

Santana swallowed some of her anxiety as she watched her brother leave. She turned to Quinn. "I don't know what you know, but you need to tell me." She watched the blonde's eyes search her. "She can't handle as much as you think she can."

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "She's tougher than you give her credit for."

The brunette scoffed. "I know that better than anyone. Certainly better than you."

They stared at each other. Both were unsure of what they were expecting from one another but both refusing to surrender. However, in that moment as Santana searched for answers, she was willing to compromise. She needed to. It was Rachel and Rachel was worth more than her pride. She had already suffered enough.

"Quinn, please," she said. "I don't beg. But this is Rachel and …" She looked at her with a frown. "I need to know. Please."

Quinn stared at the girl. She wasn't the Santana she knew or even close to the Santana that she thought she knew. The reality of the impact of what had happened to the family and what the bullying meant at that point was never more blatantly obvious. She could hear hushed voices from the foyer and Rachel's far off sobs.

"It not for me to say," Quinn replied with surprising sincerity.

Santana shook her head. "We already know something happened. And I'm going to find out." She stepped closer to her. "The only reason I'm walking away from you is because she needs me. We're not done here."

….

The closet under the stairs could barely be called a closet. It was about four feet wide and six feet long. When Shelby was a child, she and her sister played in the closet constantly. It had been a source of joy. However, since she inherited the large old house from her parents, the closet was nothing but the bane of her existence. She used to find solace in the small crawl space, but now so did Rachel. And it was a place where Shelby had the most difficulty getting her out from.

_Shelby followed ten year old Santana as they waked through the front door. They had been running errands for the upcoming holiday season. Melanie was babysitting Noah and Rachel. Shelby could see the eager look on her eldest daughter's face. She was sure that Santana was aching to find Noah and taunt him about how she knew what he was getting for Christmas, despite the conversation they had just had in the car. _

_ "We're home!" Shelby yelled as she helped usher Santana into the house while balancing a few large bags in her hands and a grocery back in the crock of her arm. _

_ "Oh my god! Thank, God! God, am I glad you're back," Melanie said breathlessly. _

_ "You just said 'god' three times," Santana said with a frown. "You sound like an idiot." _

_ "Santana, that was rude," Shelby said unloading the items in her arms on to the front stairs. "Is Nanny Pierce still taking Noah to practice? You've been alone with Rachel for about an hour?" _

_ Melanie Pierce was new to the babysitting world so the Pierces decided with Shelby that Melanie could babysit only if Mary Pierce was also available. She and the older woman were supposed to watch the kids together until Noah needed to go to hockey practice. The test run allowed Melanie to have solo babysitting times without being responsible endlessly for the children. _

_ Shelby grabbed her coat and grabbed Santana's before the child threw it on the couch where she tends to throw most things, as long as it wasn't the closet. _

_ "Where's Rach?" _

_ Melanie grimaced. "That's the thing," the teenager began. _

_ Santana hardened her face. She put her hands out pushed Melanie in the stomach causing the girl to fall back a few steps. "What do you mean?" she exclaimed. _

_ The teenager caught herself before she fell to the floor. _

_ Shelby grabbed her daughter. "Hey, hey! Santana, we talked about pushing." The mother held the girl back and continued in her even calm voice. "Not okay. Take a breath. When you're ready please apologize." Santana relented. Her face relaxed and she leaned into her mother's side. Shelby gave a smile of triumph. Pushing others and leaning into her side, Shelby knew that they had come a long way over these past few years. She was no longer throwing lamps at Shelby and most importantly strangers who looked at Rachel. Explaining the broken jars of pickles to the store manager had been messy and expensive experience on so many levels. _

_ "Melanie, is Rachel in the house?" Shelby asked. _

_ "Yes, but –''_

_ The woman went on. "Is she hurt?" _

_ "No, but –"_

_ "Do you know where she is here in the house?" _

_ "Of course, but –"_

_ "Is something broken?" _

_ The teenager frowned. "No.—"_

_ "Did someone call?" Shelby asked more seriously. She felt Santana look at her from her side. She pulled her a few inches closer to her._

_ "No, no one." Melanie realized she would let the woman continue and she would eventually get permission to speak. _

_ "Did someone stop by?" _

_ The girl shook her head. "No one. Plus I would never let anyone in." _

_ "Is she wheezing?" _

_ Melanie nodded frantically. "She didn't want to go on the neb though. I was just about to call you when I heard you pull up." _

_ Shelby gave a small sigh. "Where is she?"_

_ The teenager gave a grimace. "She's under the stairs." _

_ Shelby turned behind her and knelt in front of the small door. She hadn't heard her baby girl sobbing since they had been talking. Any silence in the house was always worrisome. _

_ "Rachel?" she called as she opened the door. _

_ "Mommy?" her five year old cried. Her sniffing had been masked by the door and was now exposed to Shelby's ears. _

_ "Hey, bug, come out okay?" Santana said in a gentle voice as she knelt next to her mother. Shelby gave her daughter a smiled before turning back to her youngest, who she could barely see tucked in the crawl space under the stairs. _

_ Rachel made a face and began to start crying again. "Would you shoot me if I w-w-w-was sick?" _

_ Shelby shook her head with a little laugh. "No, bug, never. Why would you say that?" She asked looking up at Melanie questioningly. _

_ "She kind of watched Old Yeller today….." Melanie said with a grimace. _

_ Shelby squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and turned back to Rachel. "My sweet girl, come out here please and we will talk about Old Yeller." _

_ Rachel turned slowly and looked at her mother. Her tear stained face broke Shelby's heart. She reached out her small arms. All she needed was her mom. Shelby gave a sigh of relief as the small girl walked on her hands and knees to her. Shelby held her in her arms, wrapped her daughter in them and allowed her hug to convey to the girl that she would be okay._

Shelby leaned against the doorway and she could hear Rachel. This was so much worse than when they had accidentally let Rachel watch the old movie. This time Rachel was hurt.

"Sweetheart, please come out so we can talk about this," Shelby encouraged.

"N-N-n-n-," Rachel couldn't even say words because she was heaving too much.

She gave a sigh. "Bug, either you come out or I'm going to come in and get you."

"N-n-n-n-," Rachel cried again.

Rachel was young in so many ways and older in so many others. Her eleven years had offered her such turmoil and confusion, but such creative and unique insight. However, her biggest struggle was the uncertainty that she had in her surroundings and the apprehension that it invoked. All three of Shelby's children dealt with their loss of control differently, all sporadically, but all differently. Noah and Santana were reckless and sometimes she could see it coming and other times she couldn't. However, eight years allowed Shelby to be able to bring them back from it, for the most part. However, Rachel was more drastic. When that security was taken away, the eleven year old retreated even more greatly than the other two. Sometimes even after almost eight years of stability, Rachel still questioned people around her. She needed constant reminding. Her anxiety forced her to retreat. When she got overwhelmed she needed to feel safe again. Shelby caught herself searching for clues that she missed. She watched her children so closely because of all that happened. She knew that her youngest felt the urge to feel independent but she didn't realize she was so desperate to be on her own. She had missed that. She had messed that up.

Shelby moved into the closet. She wasn't a big person, but crawling into the small space made her feel like a giant. Rachel was tucked into the tiniest corner underneath the stairwell.

"Rachel, come on please, you can't speak to me like this. I know it must hurt your chest," Shelby said calmly as she reached her hand out and tried not to bump her head.

"L-l-l-leave me allloooonne," Rachel said scooting further into the closet.

"I will once you're on the neb. You need to come out. That is your only option."

Rachel shook her head and turned her back to her mother. Shelby felt a pang echo through her. She wasn't what her daughter needed now. Rachel was no longer five. She couldn't fix the situation with a hug. Despite the absence of a solution, Rachel struggled to breathe under the stairwell. Shelby needed to get her out of there.

She looked over her shoulder. "Noah?" she called.

"D-d-d-on't," Rachel said. Shelby could hear the frown in her daughter's plea.

"Rachel, you are coming out of this closet and going on the nebulizer," Shelby said sternly.

Noah rounded the corner and Shelby maneuvered herself out of the space. She turned to her son. Although he was bigger than she was, with his tall frame and his strong shoulders, he had greater strength than Shelby and would be able to pull Rachel from the closet a lot easier than Shelby would be able to. Shelby barely had to raise her eyes are her son.

"I got her," he said as he crawled into the closet. "Come on," she heard him say gently.

"N-n-n-noah!" Rachel cried.

Shelby heard footsteps behind her and saw Santana. "Get the neb please?" she said quickly. Santana nodded and ran up the stairs to ready it.

Noah emerged from the closet with Rachel in his arms. She was crying still and hitting his shoulder with her fist but not doing much else.

"Rachel, look at me," Shelby said with her stern mom voice. The girl's eyes shifted to look at her mother from Noah's shoulder. "I'm not fighting with you. I will leave you alone once you're on the nebulizer but we're not fighting about it."

Rachel sighed and heaved into Noah's shoulder and looked at her mother. Shelby could see her concede with her eyes but not without a frown.

"Quinn," Shelby called. "Come upstairs with us please."

Quinn followed the family slowly up the stairs. She mumbled that she would wait in her room. Shelby nodded and made eye contact with the blonde girl.

"I'll be in in a few minutes," Shelby nodded.

Santana put the mask over Rachel's face and turned on the machine. Rachel started to protest at the sight of the mask. Shelby shot her daughter a look. Rachel folded her hands and looked at her lap trying to avoid everyone's eyes.

A honk interrupted the silence. "That's Whitney," Noah said softly sitting on Rachel's bed. The girl turned away from him. "Hey," he said gently. "Rach."

"Go away, Noah," she said from under the mask with her back facing him. She turned to him sharply. With tired eyes she said, "You didn't have to tell about dodgeball."

"Rach," Noah started again.

"Get out," Rachel said with fresh tears.

Noah looked at her in confusion. Who was this girl? Where was the Rachel he knew?

Shelby knelt in front of Rachel who tried to turn from her again, but the mother held her gaze gently. "I understand that you're upset and I'm sorry that you feel betrayed but that does not mean that you are allowed to be rude. I promised you we will leave you alone and we will, but Santana will sit in here with you, and" she locked eyes with her eldest daughter. "She will not ask you thing. Got it?"

Rachel nodded and looked back down at her hands.

"Noah, go have fun with Whitney."

He stared at Rachel one last time. Shelby caught a look in his eye that made her want to catch him. However, he walked out of the room with giant strides. She looked at her daughters and gave Santana another warning look before she left down the hallway quickly.

"Noah," she called after him. He turned and gave a huff as he put on his jacket. She saw the distress in his eyes. "She's not mad at you."

"I know," he said with a shake of his head. "It's fine. I don't care."

"Go have fun at your movie," Shelby said. "Behave in the theater please. Home by eleven. It's a school night."

He nodded and walked away from her.

Shelby heard the front door slam. She turned and walked into Quinn's room. The girl was facing the window.

"What's going on?" Shelby asked a she sat on the bed.

Quinn could hear the attempted tamed edge in her voice.

"It's not my story to tell," the girl replied without looking at the woman.

"I understand that Quinn, but I need to know what you know," Shelby said.

Shelby sighed and looked at the ceiling and looked over. She then noticed a hint of blood on the back of Quinn's uniform.

"What happened today, Quinn?" Shelby said standing and grabbing Quinn's big nightshirt and handing it to the girl. "Go into the bathroom and change we need to clean your back." She looked at the girl who just stared back at her and then back at the nightshirt. "I want answers, Quinn, and I want them now."

The woman's calm, even voice was as threatening as her father's screams. Quinn stood and reached for her suitcase.

Shelby took the suitcase from her. She looked the girl in the eye. "That's not what I said." She held out the nightshirt. "Now go change."

The blonde sighed and walked into the bathroom. She reached to close the door and Shelby caught it. Her back was still turned away from her, but Quinn could still picture her face. "Privacy is a privilege. Door open."

Quinn turned and tried to change as quickly as possible from her uniform. She turned toward the door and caught a glance of herself in the mirror. She frowned and headed back into the bedroom. Her reckless spontaneity had never conjured as much regret as this one did. The uncertainty of her actions before were dealt with in a harsh manner by her father. However, Shelby was a horse of a different color. Quinn didn't know what to expect or how to function. Despite all of the changes, she noticed her conscious was becoming louder in her head instead of the mute that it normally was. She no longer was complacent and silent.

She allowed Shelby to clean her wounds not because she wanted to but she knew she was already in trouble. Even though in her head she knew that Shelby wouldn't hit her, she still had foreboding building in her chest. She still expected it. It had been the only consistent thing in her life.

Shelby looked at the girl's back and let the silence settle her anxiety. She was angry, but the more she considered the situation, she wasn't surprised The compulsive behavior she was used to. Not only in her own children, but with the children she worked with. It was a survival mechanism. She knew in her heart of hearts that Quinn's poor judgment call signified that she was accepting her youngest, in the least, as someone to trust and protect. She could see her struggling even though her face was turned.

"This doesn't change anything, Quinn," Shelby said as she gently cleaned the wound. "I still care about you. I still love you. I don't want you to leave. That doesn't mean that I don't expect that you'll make mistakes. You kids can have your secrets, but not ones that are harmful. You're not expected to be the adult. I won't allow it. It's my job to take care of things, not yours." She took a deep breath. "What did Rachel make you promise?" Shelby asked.

Quinn remained silent.

"Quinn—'' Shelby warned.

"Do you know what Rachel deals with at school?" Her question came out more sharply than intended.

"I know it's hard for her but I didn't expect this," Shelby said honestly. "And I still don't know what all of 'this' entails."

Quinn winced as Shelby put the disinfectant on. The mother went on. "Is what happened with Rachel and the reason why your back has opened related events?" The girl didn't answer. "I know you feel the need to protect Rachel in your own way—''

"I didn't protect her from anything," she said quickly. She hadn't. She had made a mistake. She didn't know how to admit it, but she had. However, the concept that she recognized this by her subconscious and how vastly significant that change was from the person she was a few months ago went unnoticed.

Shelby gave a nod and stared at the back of the girl's head for a moment. She looked around the room and spotted Rachel's backpack peeking out of the closet. Pieces starting to slowly come together.

"Did you leave school today to go to Rachel's school?" The question was simple but Quinn's head shot up.

"Yes," the girl's quick answer surprised them both.

"Sue called me and told me that she saw you walking up the street when she came back from the meeting," Shelby explained. She lowered the gown. "All done. Look at me, Quinn. We need to talk." The girl turned and faced Shelby. "Did you see anything? Did you do anything?"

"Yes…" Quinn said looking away.

"Quinn, do you realize that you're not allowed to leave school?" Shelby asked. The girl looked down. "You're grounded. You have been grounded for a while. Cheerios, Therapy, School, home. Nothing else. I will make a sheet every day for every teacher to sign. You will get it signed when you show up to each class. If this does not work or if you breach this trust, I will be going to all of your classes with you." Quinn looked up in shock. The look told Shelby that Quinn was thinking if this was the punishment for leaving school she was scared about what would happen when Shelby found out what she did. She went on more gently. "You're safe in this house, Quinn. I will never hurt you in any way. However, you are already in a whole lot of trouble. Now, why is Rachel's backpack in your closet and why does Jeanie Marks have a black eye?"

Quinn looked over at her closet and back down at her hands. Her heart was beating. She wasn't sure what to say. She didn't know how to say it. Various words muddled on the tip of her tongue. Finally, two words fell out.

"I'm sorry," she said looking up.

"For being caught or for what you did which you still haven't told me?" Shelby asked.

Quinn furrowed her brow. "I'm sorry because of Rachel."

"That didn't answer my question," she warned. "I need you to tell me exactly what you know and what you did today," Shelby said.

Quinn looked at her. An honesty and trust looked back at her and somehow, Quinn began her explanation. She stared at her hands as she told Shelby about the eggs and the dead fish. She began to wring out her hands and lower her voice in a mixture of shame and confusion as she described what she did in gym class. She refused to look at Shelby as she spoke. She had never confessed with such genuine honesty in her life. She was never given a chance, and she realized as she spoke, she never knew she wanted that chance.

"Quinn," Shelby said with a sigh. "I'm going to ask you again. Are you sorry for what you did or because you were caught?"

"I'm sorry I left school," Quinn said honestly. "And I'm sorry for hurting Rachel."

"Look at me," the mother said carefully. With trepidation, the girl looked up. "You bullied kids into not bullying, Quinn. That's not okay." She gave a small nod. "I know you think you're protecting Rachel but violence cannot be solved with more violence. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

She gave another small nod.

"You're going to apologize to the gym class as well as give a personal apology to Jeanie Marks."

Quinn frowned. This was not what she expected. Apologies were like take backs. She didn't regret what she did to Jeanie. Not one bit. "What? No!"

"That wasn't a question or a request," Shelby said. "I will not tolerate that behavior in my house, Quinn."

"Well, I will just leave," Quinn said as she stood.

"You won't," Shelby said standing in front of the girl.

The girl's face hardened. "I am not going to apologize! Rachel doesn't stand up for herself. She gets overwhelmed when Santana or Puck do something idiotic. I stuck up for her and I did it without her knowing! I just told you what those kids do! What those teachers say. She doesn't deserve that! Someone needs to be there for her."

Shelby looked at the girl. She was yelling but she was seeing something different.

Quinn paced. "You don't understand! She tries! All she does is try! I'm not going to apologize because I stuck up for her." She shook her head. "No."

The older woman watched the girl provide an explanation. In that moment, Shelby realized that Quinn saw herself in Rachel. Perhaps she saw it and perhaps she didn't. Either way, the blonde's instincts were dictating her actions. Fight or flight. She frowned as she realized that Quinn needed more tools to fight back that didn't include pummeling children with dodgeballs.

"Quinn, was what you did the only thing you could think of to do?" The girl looked at her in confusion.

"What?" the girl asked.

"Did you think that there weren't any other options?"

The question is simple. However, as Quinn looked for an answer she realized that she acted on instincts. She frowned. There had been no other option.

"There wasn't was there?" Shelby sighed. "Quinn, I know it's hard to believe but even though you're sixteen it doesn't mean you have all the answers." She looked at Quinn. "I should have dealt with this. You should have come to me. I'm not angry at you as much as I am your actions. They are not okay. You cannot hurt other people even though that's what you've been taught." She remembered something that she had heard Russell say at a school event years back and knew that statement must be engrained in Quinn's mind as it dictated her moral compass. "Quinn, it's not about 'putting people in their place.' Okay? Wrong thing done for a right reason is still a wrong thing."

The blonde was soaking in the woman's words. While a small portion of the girl recognized their validity, the rest of her knew that Jeanie Marks wouldn't have left Rachel alone.

Shelby saw her turmoil. "Quinn, if you were in Jeanie's place would you have backed down from Rachel?"

What was it with these questions? Her brain was in such overload it was exhausting.

"No," Quinn realized honestly. Her answer hit her hard. She frowned. Fuck. She looked at her hands. If she was Jeanie she wouldn't have backed down from Rachel, she would have gone after her harder.

"Get in bed, Quinn. You've earned yourself an early bedtime." She leaned down and kissed her softly on the forehead. "I still love you. I will see you in the morning."

….

Puck sighed and tucked his hands in his pockets. He threw open the door of Whitney's Lexus.

"Hey, babe!" she said with a smile. She saw his face and pouted. "What's wrong? Is Santana being a bitch again?"

"Hey," he snapped. "Let's just go to this thing."

"Don't be grumpy," she said. He continued to frown. "Come here," she said reaching out to him. He sighed and allowed her to take his lips with hers. She reached in the back of her Lexus. She gave him a grin. "I brought you a present." He arched his brow. "Me, of course and," she held up a long necked paper bag. "And some Jack Daniels." She saw his still sad look. "Look at me," she said with a husky voice. "Forget them. They don't matter. We'll go and have fun."

He looked at her with tired eyes. He could still hear Rachel's words in his ears. He would never admit it but they hurt. He certainly wasn't going to admit it to her. He looked at the alcohol. This was the next best thing.

He gave her a small smirk. "Let's do this."

….

Santana watched her mother leave. She looked back and Rachel had settled as far away from Santana as she could. She was leaning up against the wall. Her mother had told her not a word, but she had so many on the tip of her tongue. Rachel must have sensed it because she scooted even closer to the wall and thereby away from the older brunette. Consequently, the nebulizer shifted to the edge of the nightstand and teetered off the side.

"Rach," she said grabbing it before it fell off.

The girl didn't turn and said with a tired huff. "You're not supposed to talk to me."

"Hey," Santana said with an annoyed snap. Rachel met her eyes and then looked back at the wall. The quick glance said, "I'm sorry," but in the most silent way. The older girl looked down at her hands. "Why didn't you tell me? You can tell me anything."

In so many words, the question that Santana was really asking was "why did you tell her and not me?" However, she was sure the reason that Rachel hadn't confided in her was her own fault.

There was a silence. Santana anticipated that Rachel would snap at her again. She was used to her being pouty but not unpleasant.

Rachel's voice surprised her though. "I just …. wanted to fit in," the voice said quietly beneath the mask. "I didn't want you to come in and beat everyone up for me." She still had her back turned so she didn't see Santana's smirk. "I'm not five anymore. I was handling it."

"Clearly, you weren't, Rach," Santana said gently.

"But, I needed to," she said still underneath the mask. She turned and looked at Santana who sat closer to her on the bed.

"There's no shame in asking for help," Santana said quietly as she rested her chin on her sister's shoulder.

"You don't," Rachel said honestly looking over her shoulder at her sister.

Santana frowned and her mouth opened slightly. Rachel sat up and leaned against her, breaking her from her concentration.

"I'm still mad at you," Rachel muttered. Her voice was still muffled under the mask. She leaned her head on her sister's shoulder and her arm across her lap.

Santana examined the mask to make sure it was still in the right position. She readjusted it despite Rachel's protests and rested her cheek against the side of the girl's head.

"I know," she whispered. "Rachel?" she asked after a few moments. "You need to tell me when things are bad. I can help."

"No, you would just throw a conniption," Rachel mumbled under the mask.

"What was that?" Santana asked.

"Nothing," the younger girl mumbled. "That's why I told Quinn. She didn't flip out, did she? She just…. outted me."

Santana frowned. She had known Quinn longer and better than anyone in the family. The girl skimmed through what she knew in her head. Quinn left school in the middle of the day, her back reopened, and Jeanie Marks had a black eye. Santana frowned deeply. She would bet her pom-poms that Miss Quinn Fabray did much more than 'flip.' She gave a scoff.

"What?" a small voice asked quietly.

"Nothing," she replied as leaned forward and looked to see how much more medicine remained. "You're done, bug." She removed the mask and Rachel settled back against her. She gave a sigh. "So are you going to tell me what you told Quinn but you won't tell me?"

"No, because you'll be mad," Rachel said as she pulled the covers up.

"I'm already mad," Santana replied.

The younger girl looked up at her with sadness. "Oh," she mumbled. She leaned into her pillow and pulled slightly away from Santana.

"Rachel, I'm not mad at you as much as I am the situation."

The girl frowned. "So you're jealous?"

"What?" Santana asked. "That is not what I said."

She chewed her lip. "Are you made that I told her instead of you?"

Santana thought for a second. "Not mad as much as sad."

"Oh," the younger girl mumbled. "I'm ust a little stressed out that's all. "It was never my intention for you to know anything."

Santana laughed and tugged Rachel back toward her. "Never your intention? Are you sixty years old?"

"San," Rachel moaned in frustration. She settled back into her sister after throwing her an indignant frown.

She allowed her laugh to settle. She thought more seriously. "I just don't understand," she said quietly. "Why are you so upset over this? Why is it such a secret?"

She sighed and looked up at her big sister. "You treat me like a baby."

"You are a baby," Santana said without hesitation.

"No, I'm not," Rachel snapped, sitting up. "I know stuff. I know that you all do this because of what happened…." Her voice trailed off and she tried to pretend not to see her sister's new look of surprise. "I know. I'm not dumb….. I needed to feel like I could take care of something….." She shrugged and looked at her hands. "So what if people don't like me that much at school….. it doesn't mean you coming in and giving everyone a hard time really isn't going to make them like me more."

Santana frowned at her words. "How exactly do you know they don't like you, Rach? I will go down there and-"

"Did you hear what I just said?" She frowned. "The rest of it?" She watched Santana think. Her sister had the worst selective hearing. "I know that you all act like this because you don't think I can take care of myself, like I'm some sitting duck."

The older girl's eyes softened. "Rachel, that's not…."

"Yes, it is," she interrupted. "Noah told me."

Santana narrowed her eyes. "What?" she said with an accusatory look.

Rachel frowned and rolled her eyes. She lowered her voice and bowed her head. "He said that….. he told me that it's because I don't fight back."

"Rachel," Santana tried again.

"I know I don't fight like you and him. I know I'm not loud and aggressive, but that doesn't mean I want to be rescued all the time….." She met her sister's eyes. She expected to be interrupted but saw that the older girl was actually soaking in her words. "I need to fight my own fights," she said more confidently. "In my own way."

Santana took a deep breath before speaking. Rachel looked at her with such a raw hope for approval that it broke her heart. "Rachel, you're not fighting your fight though. You're being bullied."

"Doesn't mean that I'm going to come crawling to you to save me." Rachel laid back against the pillows. "You're not going to be here forever, you know? Noah, Quinn, and you will go to college. I'll be here alone. I need to learn to be alone."

"Alone? Rach, you'll never be alone."

She settled into the pillow with a big yawn. "Someday I will."

Santana calmed her hand through Rachel's hair. Alone? Santana herself avoided change like the plague. She didn't look forward to it or dread it. She just avoided it. She lived in that moment as if it would never cease Rachel was thinking ahead and of the future, but not in excitement, but in dismay. Rachel never handled change well. While Santana avoided it, Rachel expected things to crumble. Santana kicked herself. Of course, Rachel had been panicking about her and Noah's departure to college. Her futile attempt to be alone was actually Rachel's desperate attempt to coax herself into adulthood so that the anxiety of Noah and Santana leaving, though years away for Santana and months away for Noah, were less traumatic.

"Rachel," she said quietly. "Being grown up doesn't mean you pretend that things are okay when they aren't."

"But you're not scared of anything," Rachel whispered with a yawn. "You're so tough and you're so perfect in everything that you do."

Santana would have laughed if she hadn't had the day she had. "You can't possibly think that."

Rachel yawned again. "I do."

Santana knew she wasn't perfect. She knew Rachel had an ideal of her, but she didn't think it was perfection. Santana didn't know anything about herself because she didn't want to. It hurt too much. It hurt to think. It hurt to breathe. So she drowned her feelings and buried them so deep inside of her. She could barely let Rachel love her. Her mother worked so hard with her and letting her in took years. Rachel expected her and Noah to go to college. She knew her mother expected them to also, but leaving meant so much. In a few ways they had moved on but in reality they hadn't. She knew her mother knew that. That's why they were all still in therapy. Santana realized in that moment that Rachel expected that at some point things might get better and in that state of being she would be alone. Santana on the other hand expected that she would remain the same forever because it was too painful to move on.

"Rach?" Santana asked.

She didn't get a respond and she looked down and noticed that she was sound asleep. She gave a gentle sigh and leaned into the pillows too. She let her eyes shut and ease into sleep.

"Santana," she heard her mother's gentle voice and a hand comb over her head. She opened her eyes and look at her. "You need to go to your own bed."

"No," Santana frowned.

"Santana," Shelby said quietly. "This is not up for discussion."

"But Mom," Santana began.

"Do not wake her up," Shelby said. "Let's go."

Shelby settled Santana into her bed and watched her eldest daughter sleep. She looked back over to the picture of her and Leroy with the kids when they were younger.

…

_Rachel entered into the gym quietly. There was now one in there. She turned and stared at the wall of banners. "Dodgeball King : Noah Corcoran." Rachel frowned. That had not been there earlier. She looked at another banner. "Santana Corcoran: Perfect and Beautiful." Rachel frowned deeper; she hated when her dreams worked with her insecurities and taunted her. _

_ "Hey, beaker!" _

_ She turned and now the gym was filled with not only her class but the entire school. They all held dodgeballs. _

_ "On my count," someone screamed. _

_ "Please don't," Rachel whimpered as she backed away. _

_ Don't cry, she coaxed herself. Don't cry. She fell to the floor and covered her face. She brought her knees up to her chest as the first balls hit her. She whimpered. She squeezed her eyes shut and heard a door slam. She opened her eyes to darkness. She wasn't in the gym anymore. She was in a small familiar place, but one that gave her chills more than comfort. _

_ The door yanked opened and all she saw were long legs and dirty shoes. That's what she remembered. She began to shake and then she felt an arm grasp hers. She was dragged from the closet. She felt her body being thrown into a corner. She put her arms over her head. Sanny had told her to protect her head. _

_ "Ahhhhh," there was a scream of anger in frustration. She peaked through her fingers and watched him push over desks and shelves. "Your fault! Your fault!" he screamed as he threw albums and any object at her. It hit her with a blow after blow. _

_ She began to cry and she felt herself being dragged up to her feet. His hand flew through the air and hit her face. She cradled her cheek and sobbed more. He shook her. "Stop crying, Rachel! Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" The hand of the man with the big boots crashed into her face again and she fell to the floor. _

_ Her fingers gripped the floor and she sobbed as she heard the clanking of his buckle. She felt a rise in her chest because she knew what that sound meant. She cried into the floor before he yanked her up. He breathed heavily in her ear. "You worthless piece of shit," he said as he shook her with each word. "I told you to stop crying!" _

Rachel's eyes flew open as she jumped awake. The darkness of the room surrounded her. She hated dodgeball. She knew that her dream had turned into a memory, a memory of him and what life was like with him.

She rolled over to where she remembered Santana being and realized that a pillow had replaced her. Grabbing George in her small fist, she slipped from her bed and went across the hallway.

…..

Shelby watched Santana sleep. She knew that if Santana knew what the kids have done to Rachel, Jeanie marks would have more than a black eye. She and Leroy never endorsed violence, but violence had become there only means of protection. They were alone with that crazy bastard for two months and those two months had changed everything. Shelby looked toward the bathroom door that led to Quinn's room. Sixteen years she had endured so much and Shelby still didn't know the details. She knew she couldn't let the black eye go, but a part of her wanted to.

"Mom?" a small voice asked from the door. Shelby was broken from her thoughts. She looked up and Rachel was looking at her with tired eyes.

Shelby took a deep breath and walked toward her youngest bringing her back to bed. Rachel talked tiredly about how she wanted Santana to stay. Shelby coaxed her back into bed and she was asleep in minutes. She stared at the stars on the ceiling. She looked over at the clock with a heavy sigh. Her mind was too full to sleep plus Noah wasn't home yet. Her thoughts trailed off. She looked at the clock.

1:43am.

SHIT! Curfew had been at eleven.

…

Noah raised the neck of the Jack Daniels bottle up and let the liquid burn his throat. He was swimming in a drunken state.

"Baby," Whitney moaned into his mouth. Everyone had left the bonfire hours ago. They were alone together in the car fogging up the windows. "Like Leo and Kate!," Whitney had giggled hours before.

He kissed her again. He needed to escape. He was sure he had an hour left before he had to be home.

"Let's have sex!" Whitney laughed as she leaned into his chest. If they weren't both highly intoxicated, he would have been disgusted by her stage four clingy behavior. However, his drunken state saw her as playful and sexy instead of sloppy.

He grinned. "We gots to do it quick," he slurred. "I gotta go home."

He leaned back her seat and they spread out even more on the soft interior of the Lexus. He kissed her slowly but she pulled him to her hungrily causing the space between them to disappear. Her giggles and moans drowned out the faint vibration in his coat pocket that lay on the floor of the front seat.

…

Shelby tucked Rachel in kissed her gently when the tiny girl whimpered at the loss of contact. "You're alright," she whispered. With Rachel asleep, she walked quickly to the zoo that was Noah's room.

It was empty. She ran furiously around the house making sure he wasn't there. She grabbed the phone and furiously called his cellphone. The rings didn't cease; he didn't pick up. She realized she didn't know what theater he went to or even what movie. Crap. She would have normally been on top of those details. She flew back up the stairs. She hated doing this but she needed details. She needed them fast. Noah could be in a ditch or murdered.

She sat down next to Santana's sleeping form.

"Sweetheart," she said gently as she ran her hand through her long hair. "I need you to wake up, okay? I need to know what theater Noah is at."

Her eldest daughter looked at her bewildered with tired eyes. "Whatare youtalkingabout?"

"Theater. I just need to know the theater," Shelby said with urgency. She watched Santana wake up a tiny bit more and frown. Then it hit her. How stupid can she be? "He didn't go to a movie with Whitney did he?"

Santana woke up a little more and tried to form words. "He's probably- Maybe the movie ran-''

"We both know he wasn't at the movies," Shelby said dryly. She shook her head. The plan would have probably snuck past her. However, it was Rachel's comment that surely sent her son into a reckless rage. "Spill Santana."

Santana knew that tone. And at almost two in the morning, it was a tone that couldn't be argued with. "Bonfire. There was a bonfire."

"Where?"

She knew she was betraying her brother but under the harsh gaze of her mother she really didn't have a choice. Plus he was three hours late for curfew. She could have covered for him if it was thirty minutes maybe even an hour, but three?

"It's over near Harper's Ridge. Near that old barn," she said quietly.

Shelby frowned. "Where is that?"

"I can show you," Santana said to her hands that told Shelby that Santana had snuck off to the location more than once.

"Crap, Santana," Shelby said with a sigh. "I cannot leave Rachel and Quinn here." The mother stood and handed Santana her Ugg boots and a jacket. "Please go get Rachel and I'll get Quinn and meet you at the car."

Santana groaned internally. This was not good.

….

Shelby combed her hand through Quinn's hair. She knelt down to the sleeping girl on the floor.

"Quinn, we need to go for a bit. I'm sorry. I need you to wake up," she said gently.

She kicked herself as the girl jumped awake and her eyes popped open in fear. Shelby wondered how many times Russell woke her up in the middle of the night.

"Noah's not home yet and we need to go get him," Shelby explained as she helped the tired girl sit up.

"He and Shitney just got caught at the bonfire," Quinn said with a yawn.

Shelby's head snapped up and Quinn grimaced as she met the woman's surprised and furious gaze.

"We will be talking about this later," Shelby said leading the girl to the hallway.

Rachel's door was open and Shelby could hear her eldest daughter gently murmuring to her youngest.

Santana wrapped a blanket around Rachel and picked her up. The girl instinctively rested her head on Santana's shoulder.

"Ihadabaddream," she mumbled into Santana's ear.

"Okay, I know," Santana whispered as she carried Rachel into the hallway. She exchanged a quick look with Quinn. So much for leverage.

They piled into the Range Rover. Shelby had Rachel and Quinn sit in the far back of the large Land Rover Discovery. Rachel fell asleep against Quinn and the girl tried her best not to care.

The ride was bumpy for most of the way. Rachel kept waking up periodically and moving away from Quinn with lingering indignant frowns, but as soon as she fell back asleep she was back on her shoulder. Quinn stared at down the familiar road. Nights at the bonfires were not meant to be shared with the whole family.

There at the end of the road was Shitney's Lexus. Quinn felt her heart drop for Noah. However, her sympathy didn't linger for long because there in the back of Lexus was Shitney's fat white ass sticking in the air. Her eyes widened. Rachel stirred next to her.

"What'sgoingon?" she muttered.

"Cover her eyes!" Shelby and Santana screamed from the front seat.

Quinn didn't need to be told twice.

Shelby stomped out of the big vehicle and ripped open the Lexus door.

"NOAH! Put on your clothes and get out of this car now! BOTH OF YOU!"

The mother walked back over to the car fuming. Santana saw her mother was beyond upset. She hadn't seen her mother this upset before. Yeah, he had broken curfew. Yeah, he probably had eighty-six STDs from the monkey whore known as Whitney. She knew her mother would be made, but shaking and fuming wasn't what she expected.

She climbed out of the vehicle.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly leaning up against the car next to her mother.

"No, I am not," Shelby said with a deep breath and she put her head in her hands. Exhaustion was hitting her. She didn't need it. She had one child beating up other children. She had another accepting bullying as 'no big deal.' And now her eldest was drunk, given the stench of the car, and having sex at two o'clock in the morning.

"He's just blowing off some steam, Mom." Santana's voice was soft and reassuring.

Shelby shot her head up and met her daughter's eyes. "What?" she said shocked.

She shrugged as she folded her arms. "I mean it's just sex and it's Shitney. It doesn't mean anything."

Shelby looked at her daughter in shock. And apparently her daughter thought sex was meaningless.

**As usual this was supposed to be longer but I hope this is enough to tide you over ... please let me know what you think. **


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

**AN this chapter was difficult in a lot of ways to write. Please be aware that there is a graphic sex scene between two minors and then also a rape incest scene. They may trigger things for people. Also, you may be upset with a flashback of Santana's and or Quinn's. Never hesitate to PM me or ask any questions or voice concerns in reviews. They will be addressed. Please read carefully. I reveal a lot here, but not obviously. I hope you enjoy.**

TheTBone – I always love your reviews! You make me smile so much! I loved that you mentioned my ole yeller reference. Please refrain from drinking anything while reading so I don't end up losing one of my best reviewers. Therapy will be coming and ongoing for all – they all need so much of it. Thank you for giving me your highlights as I said before I love your reviews – please keep them coming.

w1cked- Thank you for your review. A very embarrassing situation for Noah, being caught by your mom and your sisters with your pants down! Very bad. Shelby does have her sister.

ReadingTakesYouAway – Thanks for the review.

SparkleInTheSun – Poor Shelby is right. Thank you for review.

amandaes417 – Thank you – I tried to get it out as soon as possible. Poor Noah – he just needs some attention too but I am pretty sure this is not the attention he is seeking. I am working on the update for changes and it should be out soon. Thank you so much for your kind words

piecesofyourheart – thank you so much for your review – I am really glad you are enjoying the story and I am sorry it is pulling you in so many directions. With subjects like these the process to heal is very slow but through love and the right guidance in their lives these kids will see that that can truly grow.

anyonebutpatrick – that statement does say a lot. Shelby does need lots of hugs and she is a very strong woman. I am trying to show how the same trauma can affect people different ways and people have different ways to handle things. They will all be in therapy – therapy is a must for all of them.

IxHeartxGlee – Thank you for reviewing my story. It means a lot.

MaJorReader619 - Happy New Year to you too. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. Thanks for the review.

Ryoko05 – you will see how Shelby is dealing with the stress more in this chapter. Thank you for reviewing this chapter

OTHangels – oh those three are in for a big talk with Shelby – let's see how they all handle it! I think unfortunately because they are all teens with strong personalities Shelby is going to have her hands full. Thank you for the review.

Gleek1990 – Shelby certainly does have her hands full but she is a trained therapist so with the years of training and the support she has from others I am pretty sure she can handle things. Thank you for reviewing! It definitely keeps me going!

AcexofxSpades – You're right Puck is pretty much going to be grounded for a long while. Santana has had her issues but as soon as Shelby hears her feelings and attitude towards sex she will help her with that – trauma can do a lot to ones attitude. Thank you so much for your kind words.

sillystarshine – well in some respects Rachel is right and she thought she was doing the right things by handling it by herself but she will have to learn that she will never be alone again. Thank you for reviewing.

tcathing – Thank you for reviewing my story! I am glad you are loving it.

FacingFuture – you are so right – they are all in a boatload of trouble. While apologizing to Jeanie is not easy it will have to be done because it will show Quinn you can't do that to other people. Shitney will get what's due to her. Thanks for your review. I loved it.

broadwaybound2016 – Thank you so much for reviewing. Quinn does think of Rachel as a sister even if she hasn't fully realized it yet.

Renata – I love my Brazilian reviewer! Thank you so much! Shelby will talk to the 3 older ones first because they are old enough for the talk but Rachel will get a talk from Shelby separately because she is only eleven.

NinjaGleek21 – Shitney will get it from all ends so her life just became a little more difficult. Dodgeball was not my favorite game. Thanks for reviewing.

marinka4 – thank you so much for your review and I love that you love this story. I hope you had a happy new year and thanks for continuing to read and review.

TommyH- Thanks for the review

val-cb- sorry for the delay – thanks for the review.

SuzQQ- Thank you for reviewing – Shelby will blame herself for trusting Noah – but she has her hands full with the girls so as good as Shelby is – she is not perfect. Trust me Noah will soon find out that he shouldn't lie to mom. Therapy is definitely a must for this family and it will come.

HIsland429 - thanks for reviewing. They will all be in therapy for a while so they will continue to learn.

dragonrider94 – Dragon- thank you once again for the review! - Shelby really loves Quinn and hopefully Quinn will finally get a loving parent – Noah is the only man of the family so he unfortunately is dealing with everything a little different than the girls but he will come around with therapy too.

Shelby looked through her fingers at the hood of the car that her elbows were resting on. She frowned for a few moments and then gathered up her strength to look at her daughter. What did she just say? It had been a discussion that she was ready to have for some time. She frowned and thought back to her last attempt to have a conversation with Santana and realized what Santana said and what the girl had meant had been two different things.

"_Bug, please put that away," Shelby called over her shoulder at her nine year old, who was dragging something out of the pantry. Her youngest had been begging her to make vegan cookies. "We are not making cookies, Rach."_

_ She heard her youngest give a frustrated groan._

_ Shelby looked over her other shoulder from the sink to see her eldest daughter playing idly with her phone. Santana was turning fifteen next week. She was in her freshman year of high school. Suddenly memories of her experiences in high school and its hormonal craziness flashed before her eyes. She gave a sigh. Shelby needed to buck up and do it. Parents never looked forward to having sex talks with their children. However due to the sex education in school, or the lack thereof, the talks were necessary._

_ She watched as her son picked up Rachel and swung her around the room. She already had the talk with her son since he started dating that bimbo, …. Shelby grimaced….girl, Whitney… but Noah seemed to like her. The conversation had been awkward but they talked about how he never wanted to bring a child into the world when parents weren't ready. She remembered feeling proud of her son in that moment._

_ Their pasts all made things like angsty, teenage hormonal drives more complicated. She knew she needed to be aware of that. She finished the dishes she was working on._

_ "Noah," she said as she dried her hands. She watched as Rachel squealed when Noah threw her into the air. She laughed at her kids, but finally sighed. "Please don't get her riled up. It's almost nine o'clock she needs to get ready for bed."_

_ "Mom! Don't talk about me like I'm deaf. I'm right here! I'm the one being swung!" Rachel pouted as if her life depended on it and stomped her foot on the ground._

_ Santana eyes became wide and she raised her eyebrows. She turned back to her phone as she said, "Whoa! Someone's tired."_

_ "Then go upstairs and get ready for bed, Rach," Shelby said acknowledging her youngest daughter's frustration. Rachel looked at her family with a huff and left the room. Noah followed her. Shelby took a seat next to her daughter_

_ "What's up her butt?" Santana asked looking up from her phone._

_ "Santana," Shelby said with a sigh. Her daughter returned to her phone. "Hey, I wanted to talk to you quickly."_

_ "Kay," Santana replied still gazing at her phone. She was chatting with Brittany about something for sure._

_ "San," Shelby said taking the phone._

_ Santana gave a sigh, turned and searched her mother's eyes. The older woman continued. "You started your freshman year this year and I think that this conversation is long overdue and –''_

_ "Oh, god," Santana said with her face dropping. "This isn't the sex talk is it?"_

_ "Yes, it is," Shelby said with a smirk at her daughter's look of dread._

_ "Please, Mom. I know how to be safe?" The teenager rolled her eyes._

_ "Excuse me?" Shelby asked with an arch of her brow._

_ Santana saw her mother's serious look. "I … I mean… about condoms and stuff…. You don't have to talk to me about that."_

_ The mother looked at her carefully as she nodded slowly. "That's not all I wanted to talk to you about." She bit her lip. "It is a very sacred thing. It's something that you talk about with your partner." Shelby thought for a moment thinking about her first time. "It might not be perfect the first time or even wonderful, but it's sacred. Because you make a promise to that person. You know what I mean?"_

_ She looked at her daughter. She couldn't read her. The almost fifteen year old girl looked back at her with a mixture of sadness and confusion._

_ "Santana?" she said carefully._

_ The girl's mouth was slightly open and her brow was furrowed. "Sacred yeah….." She shook her head avoiding her mother's eyes. "I'm not ready for a relationship. For that… for it to be special….."_

_ Shelby gave her a soft smile and ran her hand over her daughter's cheek. "And that's okay, sweetheart. When you're ready, you will be. You don't have to rush it." She took a deep breath and watched her daughter avoid her. "Santana, you deserve to be loved. So so much."_

_ "I don't want to talk about this anymore, Mom," Santana said in a rushed voice. "I'm sorry. I ….. I can't."_

_ "Okay, that's fine," she said gently._

_ "Can I go?" Santana asked with pleading eyes._

_ "You know that you can come to me if you need anything. Birth control or a trip to the clinic. No judgment," Shelby said searching her daughter's eyes._

_ "Mom, I told you I'm not ready for a relationship." She stumbled over her words. "I'm not ready for that."_

_ "Okay," Shelby said quietly. "I love you."_

_ "Love you too," Santana said hurriedly as she practically ran out of the room._

Shelby stared at her daughter remembering that conversation. At that moment, it hit her. Santana hadn't said she wasn't ready for sex. She had said that she wasn't ready for a relationship. Santana was saying she wasn't ready for love. Shelby squeezed her eyes shut. How could she be so stupid?

…

Inside the Range Rover, Quinn felt like her heart was about to explode. She didn't want to be there. Quinn envied her peers and the ability to have casual sex. She knew that Noah was a flirt but….. She didn't want to think of him that way. She didn't want to think of anyone that way. It wasn't just that it was Shitney or even that it was Noah. It simply was that it was sex. She didn't have that fanciful luxury of seeing its joys and beauty. Sex was nothing to like to her.

Rachel stirred against Quinn. "Where are we?" the tired voice asked.

Quinn didn't want Rachel to be in this moment either. She didn't force herself to really delve into it. Nevertheless, she was too into the moment to even begin to think of how Rachel would react. She knew that it wouldn't be good.

"Nothin'," Quinn said, surprising herself with the maternal tone of her voice. "Go back to sleep okay?"

Rachel rubbed her eyes. "Where's Sanny?"

Quinn gave a sigh. "She's okay. She's talking to your Mom." She looked at Rachel's eyes. She knew that she wasn't what the girl needed now. "I'll get her for you."

….

"Santana, what?" her mother asked her.

The girl looked at her mother. She looked at her mother with a furrowed brow. "What?" Why did she look even more upset?

Shelby put up her hands. She squeezed her eyes shut. "Santana, it's not just sex and it's not blowing off steam." She tried to keep her voice steady but because it was approaching two-thirty in the morning, she was not holding up well. "We will be talking about this more later but how can you….? Do you really think it doesn't mean anything?"

Santana stared at her for a moment. Sex didn't mean anything, it never really had. Ever.

_When you're thirteen and caught between childhood and young adulthood, you feel like you can rule the world. She was at her first sleep away camp, Cheerleading camp at Ohio State University. She was going into eighth grade and she and her friends were the most 'developed' in the class. Beth Marsden had lost her virginity to Todd Baker. Marilyn Cote had lost it to Joshua Perry. Everyone who was anyone at junior high had already lost it. Granted they were all in 'relationships.' Santana sighed. She didn't want love. Love was so much work and required so much of everyone, especially herself. She just wanted to get it over with before she got too old._

_ She looked around the college dining hall. It wasn't about fitting in, she thought to herself as she pretended to laugh at Tommy's Olsen's joke. She realized it was about what had happened. She knew that she wasn't like the other love struck girls in her class. She didn't want to wait to be in love. She couldn't do that in the least. She had been scarred by what had happened; she knew that. She just…. She couldn't lose it like everyone else. She wanted it to be someone she wouldn't see at school. She wanted it to be someone who didn't and couldn't matter._

_ "You're not listening," Tommy said in her ear. He was the cutest boy here. He was at the football camp that ran on the fields across from the cheer fields._

_ They all stayed in the dorms together and did a lot of the same evening activities. Tommy was fun. Brittany thought he was a tool bag, but she tolerated him for Santana. He wasn't in their school district and Santana knew that was the only real reason Brittany tolerated him. It was only one week out of the year they had to see him._

_ He grinned at her. "Sneak out tonight."_

_ "Sure, Tommy." Santana laughed. "Easy as pie."_

_ "No, I'm serious." He smiled and took moved closer to her. Santana laughed nervously and shot Brittany a look, who seemed to be scowling._

"_It'll be fun." He put his hand on her cheek. "I promise._

_Santana narrowed her eyes. It was Friday. Camp was ending tomorrow. One last night. One last night and she would never see him again. Maybe this was her chance to get rid of it. Maybe it was her chance to take that meaningless label away. She said yes._

_ She decided not to tell Brittany. Later that night, she wrapped her coat around her more tightly. There was a patch of woods back behind the door that Tommy told her to meet her. She made her way through the bushes to a slight clearing. She knew what was going to happen. He hadn't said it, but he had been giving hints all week. And like her Aunt Joey said, "Women always know before men." However, she was sure Aunt Joey wasn't talking about sex in the woods._

_She took a deep breath when she saw him. He gave her a grin. She felt small butterflies in her chest. However, she felt something else. This seemed too real. Reality was much less tranquil than those movies like The Notebook make it out to be. She frowned. Perhaps it was the absence of the music. In the darkness of the woods, all she felt was dirt. She felt dirty. The movies had lied. This was in no way romantic. It felt out of place and strange._

_She tried to refocus on Tommy. He pulled her close into a kiss. She knew how to kiss. She was a great kisser. She kissed back easily. She smiled internally; she definitely could just make out. Maybe they would just make out._

_ "Come on, take off your clothes," his whispered with an eager grin as he began undoing his belt._

_ Spoke too soon, she thought. However, she shrugged and reminded herself it was just a physical act. It didn't matter._

_ She gave a weak smile. She felt a strange nervousness in her chest. She liked him, but she didn't. It was hard to explain._

_ Once they were off, all she felt was cold._

_ "Come here," he said pulling him to her. She let him draw her into him arms. She felt exposed but not naked. Again, it was hard to describe. He kissed her softly and she kissed back. His hand ran up and down her bare back. "Lay on the ground," he said suddenly still with his boyish grin._

_ She scoffed, "I'm not laying on the ground. We're in the middle of the freakin' woods."_

_ "Fine," he groaned impatiently. He sighed. "Just let me look at you." He took her arm and pulled back slightly but still held her close to him. "Whoa!" he grinned. "You look amazing. You're boobs are awesome."_

_ At thirteen Santana wasn't one for romantics, but 'you're boobs are awesome' certainly turned her off._

_ "Can I touch them?" he drooled. _

_ "Whatever," she shrugged as she looked around quickly making sure they were alone._

_ He fondled her in the darkness. She felt more like she was fruit at a fruit stand than a lady. She let out a gasp when she felt his palm grope her sex. No one had touched her there since….. Her thoughts trailed off._

_ He smiled so wide at her that the white of his teeth glittered in the darkness. "This will be fantastic. I promise," he said with a smile. "Here I'll get you ready, if you do me." She could hear the grin in his voice._

_He reached in between her thighs and began to probe his fingers around. She let out a soft moan. He chuckled. She reached out and took his shaft as she felt him cup her more deeply. It was physical, that's all it was. Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt a finger enter her._

"_You're wet already," he grinned. "See, I knew you would like this."_

_She grimaced slightly and forced her concentration back to her hand as she moved it up and down his shaft. She suddenly felt a gurgle in her stomach. Even though this was only physical, imagining him inside her seemed scary all of a sudden. Her thoughts were interrupted again when she felt a tingle in her lower abdomen. It felt good…. Maybe good wasn't the word…. It felt…. It felt like she didn't want him to stop but she didn't think she would miss it if he had to stop. Did that make sense?_

"_I love your pussy," he said huskily. Santana rolled her eyes. What a way with words. He palmed her breast with his other hand. "Your boobs too. Soooo hot!"_

_The tingle was increasing in her abdomen. She realized she was moving her hips, grinding into his hand. She did like it, she realized. Right?_

"_I'm ready," he said suddenly. "You're ready, right? You feel ready."_

_She looked down. His hand was still buried between her thighs. "Do you have a condom?"_

"_Of course!" he smiled. "Real men have condoms."_

_Santana gave a frown. She didn't know that she would realize later that most 'real men' didn't have condoms and that they were also her job to provide. He removed his hand from her sex and managed to put it on._

"_Okay," he said with yet another grin. "Bend over."_

_She frowned. "What?"_

"_You don't want to lie on the ground so how else are we going to do it?" he said, his grin still intact. "Here, over here. Hold onto the tree."_

_She frowned but allowed herself to be led over to the tree. As if on autopilot, she bent over at the waist and held onto the tree in front of her. She stared at the dark ground. It was physical. That was it. She felt his shaft at her entrance._

"_Ready?" he asked._

"_Uh… yeah," she said with a frown._

_And without any grace, skill, or warning, he pushed inside of her. While she was wet, her body tensed. She gasped when she suddenly felt a barrier break. He was moaning behind her. This did not feel good at all. He started moving._

"_Wait!" she hissed. "Let me get used to….just hold on!"_

_He held still but he groaned in frustration._

_Santana took a deep breath. It's just sex, she told herself. She allowed her body to readjust. She needed to feel this. She needed it to feel how it felt before. She took his hand that was on her hip and brought to her core in front so that his fingers touched her clit._

"_Okay," she breathed. "Go."_

_It wasn't magnificent. It certainly wasn't great. But it was done, she thought. She was losing her virginity. She was losing that terrible thing that loomed above her head. She didn't have to think or feel about it anymore._

"Santana?"

She looked over her shoulder at the car. Quinn had propped the door open.

"She wants you." The blonde looked at her pleadingly.

She turned back to her mother. "I'm gonna go see what's up," she said slowly and turned away from her mother.

"Santana, answer my question," Shelby said rather sharply.

Santana stopped walking, looked over her shoulder but didn't meet her mother's gaze. "Yeah, Mom. It really doesn't mean anything. Only if you need it to."

Without allowing her mother to reply, Santana walked briskly to the car. She opened the back door and saw Rachel leaning with tired eyes on the back middle seats from the far back.

"Sanny, what's going on?" Rachel's voice was a mixture of an exhausted pout and a nervous whine.

"We're picking up, Noah," Santana said gently leaning in over Quinn.

"I'm just gonna…." Quinn said uncomfortably. "Sit up front….." She climbed over the seat to the door where Santana was. "You can um…. You can sit with her."

The blonde reached for the front door but Shelby stopped her.

"Quinn, would you mind sitting in the middle with Whitney? I want a few words with Noah."

At that moment Noah and a still staggering Whitney rounded the front of the car. The boy's hands couldn't be any deeper in his pockets. Quinn could tell that he knew he was caught. She turned back to Shelby and gave a slight nod.

"Sure," she said quietly. She climbed in and saw that Rachel was asleep against Santana.

Quinn moved to the seat near the door as far from the loud sloppy Shitney.

They started back down the road in silence.

"Noah and Whitney, I am very disappointed. Whitney, I will be talking with your parents," Shelby said.

"Both of them?" she slurred.

"Yes," Shelby said as she looked over at her son. She thought for a moment when she looked back at the road. Maybe not at the same time. Whitney's parents were notorious for fighting in public.

"Mrs. Cooooorcorraaaannnn." Whitney's voice was a whine. "I'm reeeeallll sorrrrrrrry."

"Shut up," Quinn and Santana simultaneously hissed.

"No, reallllyyyy. I ammmm," she said leaning forward to the driver's seat.

"Sit back, Whitney and buckle up," Shelby said dryly. "I know you're sorry, but I think you're simply sorry for getting caught."

"Nooooo, I—''

"Whitney, shut up," Noah hissed. "Just shut up."

He caught Santana and Quinn's eyes briefly. He asked them silently with a tired glance if they told. Quinn shrugged. Santana shot him a look that said, 'What the hell was I supposed to say?' He turned back heavily in his seat.

"Please tell me Rachel's asleep… That she slept through this," he said to the silent car.

"She's asleep," Santana said without emotion.

"I'm reallllyy—'' Whitney started again.

"Shut up!" the four said together, but not loud enough to wake Rachel.

When they pulled up to Whitney's house, Shelby gave a heavy sigh. The teenagers waited patiently for her to make the first move.

"Stay here," Shelby said to the car. "I will be right back. Let's go, Whitney."

Quinn watched out the window as Shelby marched the still swaggering girl to the front door. Shelby rang the doorbell repeatedly and the lights slowly flickered on.

Santana watched her mother yell short sentences at Whitney's father. She didn't need to hear what she was saying. She knew by the man's look that he had no idea that Whitney wasn't in her room, nor did he seem to care she was drunk. He simply looked too tired to deal with it all. She pulled Rachel closer and combed her hand through her hair. She looked at that back of her older brother's head. She attempted to lighten the mood.

"I can't believe Mom's freaking. I mean it's just sex."

Quinn tensed slightly. She looked over at the boy in the front. Noah frowned deeper. His jaw tightened. He shook his head. "Don't say that kind of shit, San." He frowned in a low voice. He turned to her suddenly. Aware that Rachel was sleeping against her, he looked at his sister and said quietly but accusingly. "You didn't say that to Mom did you?" He met his sister's eyes in the dimly lit car. His eyes widened. "Are you kidding? San!" He tried to keep his voice down. He shook his head again and turned to look forward. "I know I've turned a blind eye to a lot."

Santana said lightly, "Liar, pretty sure you've pummeled every guy I've ever slept with." She was confused by his anger.

He shook his head. "What I mean is, San, I know you and you can't possibly think it is just sex."

Santana's face faltered in the back. No one saw because of the darkness. "It is, Noah. That's all it is."

He shook his head and folded his arms. "Stop lying to yourself, damnit."

Shelby walked to the side of the car. "We will be speaking to her and her parents tomorrow."

The mother put the car in gear and they all drove silently home. When they pulled into the garage Shelby was still fuming. Her hands hurt from gripping so tightly onto the steering wheel. She finally forced herself to take a deep breath. She looked over at her son. He knew he was in trouble; that was clear on his face. However, what was even clearer was his regret. It was as if he had a secret life that was just now being exposed. He climbed out of the car and walked slowly into the house before she could stop him.

Shelby took a breath and climbed out of the car. Santana managed to lift Rachel out of the car without waking her. As Shelby rounded the car, Santana was lifting Rachel into her arms. As the tiny girl moved her head on Santana's shoulder, she let out a quiet whimper. Shelby squeezed her eyes shut. Dodgeball. She had almost forgotten.

"Let me take her," Shelby said reaching for her youngest.

"Mom," Santana started.

"Bed, now," Shelby said taking the girl from her arms. Santana frowned but went into the house.

"Ihadabaddream," Rachel muttered into Shelby's ear.

"Okay, bug," she muttered. She was about to close the door when she noticed that Quinn was still in the vehicle. At first she thought she was asleep but then she realized that Quinn was simply staring ahead. "Quinn?" The girl didn't move. "Quinn, sweetheart, it's late. Please get out of the car and go to bed," Shelby said readjusting Rachel on her shoulder.

Quinn seemed to snap out of her thoughts.

"Sorry, um…. yeah," Quinn said as she climbed out of the car.

Shelby carried Rachel into the house as she followed behind Quinn. "Ihadabaddream," Rachel muttered sleepily again as they walked up the stairs. Shelby glanced at the clock. 2:54am. Jesus Christ, she thought. "I know, bug," she whispered.

Santana watched her brother disappear into his room and she did the same. What just happened? The whole night had been crazy. She walked idly into the bathroom and Quinn was standing there staring at herself in the mirror.

"Oh, sorry," Santana said backing out.

"Oh, um…. you can use it first. Sorry…" Quinn walked into the other bedroom.

"Quinn, I …. Gah," Santana said with exhaustion. She watched Quinn close the door behind her.

…...

Quinn left the bathroom quickly. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think about any of this. It just …. It just hurt. Some people talk about it as fun. Some recognize it as sacred and meaningful, even special. It was never that for her and it never would be. Since she saw Noah and Whitney, she couldn't get that night out of her head. Hearing Santana talk about the absence of its meaning, made her want so badly for the simple mention of sex not to remind her about that night.

She sat on her make shift bed in the corner. She always thought that losing her virginity would be special. It wasn't. It was anything but. And now in the darkness of this late night, the only place her mind was was in the darkness of that night.

_Quinn couldn't sleep. She didn't feel like something was bad was going to happen or that she forgot something. She simply couldn't sleep. Her mind wasn't full and mulling over some important world issue. She lay in the darkness of her bed staring at the ceiling. Being a freshman at McKinley hadn't been too hard, especially because she was on the Cheerios. It was February and the school year wasn't too bad. She could make it through high school. She was now dating the starting quarterback, Finn Hudson. She was a shoo in for head cheerleader next year. She could make it through. Her parents weren't perfect, but whose were? She would be out of Lima. She would escape and be happy and her childhood would be a distant memory. Childhood was the first eighteen years. There were at least sixty to seventy more to live. Her philosophy said you don't even remember the first three to five years and so you're only left with thirteen to fifteen years. She had convinced herself that those first years didn't matter. She was fifteen. She only had three more years._

_ Her door creaked open causing her to stop her thoughts. She looked over at her close 2:34am. She frowned and stared at the figure in the doorway. They were silhouetted by the darkness of the room with the soft, gold glimmer of the hall light._

_ "Quinnie," her father said huskily._

_ She tried to steel her face in the darkness. Her father had been coming to visit her in the night since she was thirteen. It was right after she started her period and Frannie left for school. He always touched her, caressed her or had her touch him. It made her sick, but if there was a sick comfort in the consistency that she knew she could never quite explain, not even to herself._

_ However, this moment was different. There was something in his voice and the way that he approached the bed that she knew tonight was going to be different. He closed the door bringing the room to darkness again safe the moonlight that shown through her window. He approached the bed quietly. She shivered as she felt his hand run through her hair. She could smell the alcohol on his breath as he kissed her forehead softly. He allows his hand to wander as his lips lingered on her forehead. She was wearing her button up night shirt and matching pants, a present that had been given to her last year for Christmas. He undid the top too buttons and groped her braless chest. She whimpered slightly under his touch._

_ "Be a good girl, Quinn, and hush," he ordered before his lips met hers. She didn't kiss him back but she didn't struggle. "Stand up," he said suddenly as he simultaneously dragged her off of her bed. He sat down and had her stand in front of him between his legs. He rubbed her shoulders softly. "My pretty girl," he whispered as he unbuttoned the top. She shivered as it fell open. He didn't remove it right away, but allowed it to drape loosely over her body as he felt her breasts again. Her head was bowed, ashamed._

_ Suddenly, his rough hands were removed and she felt him loosening the draw string on the front of her pants. They fell and pooled around her ankles leaving her in her underwear in front of him._

_ "Rub yourself, go on get wet for me," he order quietly._

_ She looked at him in the eye. She trembled. He had never told her to touch herself. Ever. Her brow knitted together and her stomach clenched. Everything that they had done together had been terrible and wrong, but this felt even worse. This felt like a sentence. She felt his hand grip both of her shoulders and bring her face close to his._

_ "Do it," he ordered menacingly._

_ "Daddy, p-p-p-please," she begged. She just realized her cheeks were wet with tears._

_ "Fine," he said roughly. "I'll do it myself."_

_ "No!" she whimpered._

_ She suddenly felt her underwear being ripped off and her shirt being pushed to the ground. She almost even felt like she was flying through the air as her father lifted her and pushed her back onto the bed. She was pinned, naked beneath him. She heard him unbuckle his belt. He ground into her body roughly. He brought one hand to her breast and another to her core._

_ She whimpered as she felt his fingers probe her folds and his thumb knead roughly against her clit._

_ "P-p-please," she begged. "D-don't."_

_ He palmed all of her in his hand, his fingers still moving vigorously. "It's time for you to become a woman, Quinn." She shuddered and felt her tears fall as she felt a familiar tingle in her stomach. No, please no. "See? You're already wet for Daddy."_

_ "P-p-please," she cried. She didn't manage to finish when she felt two fingers enter her._

_ Shamefully, her father had done this before a few weeks ago, but this was the first time that Quinn ever thought he would go further. He pumped his fingers into her as his thumb continued to stimulate her clit. She hated her body. She hated everything about it._

_ "I think you're ready," he whispered with his other hand still squeezing her breast. "Hold still."_

_ She let out a gasp as he removed his hand. She heard him slamming his hand down his length readying himself. She barely had time to catch her breath when she felt the tip of him at her wet entrance. With one hand clamped over her mouth, the other guided his shaft into her. She screamed at the intrusion but it was muffled. She felt something break inside her and something seep out. Blood, she thought. Once he was in he brought his other hand back to her chest where he continued to fondle her now betraying erect nipples. He pumped into her with forceful grunts. The sharp pain became a dull ache as he moved in and out of her. She only was crying softly now. He moaned into her and increased his pace. She hated herself and sobbed harder into his hand as her body reacted more. The build in the pit of her stomach taunted her._

_ "Don't until I tell you," he ordered. He didn't say what, but they both knew and Quinn hated herself even more. She hated herself for being pleasured by this. Losing her virginity was supposed to be magical and with someone she cared about, who would save her. But this moment, in the darkness of her bedroom on a cold February night, was far from that. It was dirty, ugly, and naked. There was no magic or hope. It was just bodies smashing together hoping to find release. It was shame married with detest and hatred. Skin on skin felt distant and not her own, but at the same time it was blaring and in her face._

_ The feeling deep in the pit of her stomach pressed against her as she let out a moan into her father's hand. His pace quickened._

_ "Good girl, good girl," he said hurriedly with sweaty pants. "Alright," he moaned and then said huskily, "Go ahead."_

_ She let her body go in that moment as the shame ran out of her, hoping she could fly away from that moment. She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt pressure inside of her and she knew he had also released. She kept her eyes pressed shut. She didn't want to open them to this moment; she didn't want this moment to be real._

_ He rolled out of bed without a word. He fastened his pants and walked silently out of the room leaving Quinn exposed and naked on the bed, trembling and sobbing for all that she just lost._

…...

Santana went to the bathroom quickly and washed her hands. She wanted to open the bathroom up for Quinn. It was just an evening of awkward and she realized that Quinn must be feeling something. Sex was more to her than just physical. Santana was different like that. She wasn't like other girls. Quinn was one of the others. Santana rethought. Or maybe she wasn't… Sex might not even be physical to Quinn… it might be terrible.

She opened the bathroom door slowly and peered in.

"Quinn, I'm finished," Santana said quietly. "The bathroom's open."

She spotted the blonde tucked into the corner of the room on the floor. Her knees were pulled up to her chest. She didn't hear Santana come into the room. The brunette stepped forward and the blonde jumped. She wiped her tears furiously. Santana could see though that she was shaking. She didn't need a crystal ball to tell her that Quinn was thinking about her father.

"What?" Quinn asked with an angry frown.

Santana chewed her bottom lip and watched Quinn tiredly try to steal her face away. The brunette wanted to comfort her. She could still see that the girl was shaking. She didn't know what to say though. Santana never had a way with comforting words.

"I said, 'What?'" Quinn asked as she shot her one of her patented glares.

"You're shaking," she finally said as she grabbed a deck of cards from the bookshelf.

Quinn's angry brow faded. "No, I'm not." She looked at her hands. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Yeah..." Santana said. She didn't want to talk about it and she knew that Quinn wouldn't either. So she offered the only thing she could: Comfort not in words, but in company. "I can't sleep," she said quietly as she sat next to the girl on the floor. "Do you know how to play Poker?"

Quinn scowled. "What?" she asked heavily.

"Poker," Santana shrugged. She caught Quinn's confused look. "Sleep's overrated."

Quinn watched her for a few moments and then took the deck of cards. "Fine." She started shuffling the cards. She chewed her lip for a moment. "Thanks," Quinn said.

Santana met her eyes quickly and then looked away. "Yeah…." she mumbled. "Five card stud?"

The blonde gave a slow nod.

"Sure..." Her eyes lingered for a moment on Santana. She knew that the moment wasn't about poker or even about comfort. Instead it was about forgetting. Quinn watched the brunette deal. It was for both of them. They both couldn't be in that moment. They played because they were both trying to forget about their pasts, their present and future. They couldn't be the people they were. So instead they played poker because sleeping and thinking was too scary, but gambling was easy. Gambling was all they knew.

….

Shelby walked quietly into Rachel's room. The girl had fallen asleep from the car to the walk upstairs. Get her in bed and then done. Shelby thought. Then this day would be over. She carefully laid Rachel down in her bed. The girl stirred and Shelby squeezed her eyes shut. Damn it, spoke too soon.

"Mom?" Rachel said clinging tighter to her mother.

"Shhh," Shelby said soothingly. "Go back to sleep." She rubbed the girl's back instinctively.

"Mmmmm," Rachel whimpered. "Ihurt…"

Shelby sighed. The light on the nightstand was already on from when Santana woke Rachel up. She sat on the bed with her daughter on her lap. The tiny body was draped on her, exhausted. Tomorrow wasn't going to be pretty. She lifted the nightgown and looked at her daughter's back closely. Bruises and reddened marks peppered her back. God she hated dodgeball. It looked like it ached. She sighed and lowered the nightgown again. "I'm sorry, bug," she whispered as she carried Rachel into the hallway to the medicine cabinet. She managed to get the girl to take some junior Tylenol before heading back into the room. She laid her down and was about to let her go when Rachel said again in a tired voice, "Ihadabaddream."

Shelby's mind seemed to trigger. Rachel had a bout of bad dreams the last time she said she had been injured in dance about a month ago. She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. It had probably been dodgeball and not dance that had triggered the injury. Goddamnit, she thought to herself. She felt like an oblivious failure. She refocused, what was dodgeball triggering?

It's three in the morning. Her tired brain screamed.

"Sweetheart, tell me about the dream in the morning. Nothing will happen to you," she said as she laid her into the bed. "Mommy's right here."

"Staywithme?" Rachel asked gripping onto Shelby's hand.

Shelby gave in. She was too exhausted to fight and in that moment she needed to be there. Rachel needed her; she was hurt and tired. Shelby had realized in the past eight hours how she had messed everything up by not looking. She had missed vital pieces and hints that her children were hurting. She wouldn't walk away from them. She couldn't let the four of them down.

…

Rachel woke up the next morning and her mother was in her bed. She wasn't sure but she felt more tired when she woke up than she did when she went to bed. Her eyes flickered open. She looked over at the other warm body in her bed. She frowned in surprise. She was never awake before her mother unless it was Christmas… Or… Rachel couldn't think of another time.

"Mom?"

Shelby groaned slightly in her sleep. Her arms were draped protectively around her youngest daughter. She rubbed her eyes and put her hand on her forehead. She felt as if she was hung over. She was exhausted and just wanted to stay in bed. She didn't want to think about the previous night. She rolled onto her back and pulled Rachel close and ran her hand unconsciously through her hair. She took a deep breath. Today was beginning and she had a feeling that it was going to be worse than the day before.

"Mom?" Rachel murmured from her chest.

"Yeah, bug?" she muttered with her eyes still closed.

"Shouldn't we get up?" she asked quietly.

Shelby's gaze shot to Rachel's alarm clock. 7:07am.

"We need to get up and go," she said hurriedly. She sat up quickly and swung her legs over the side as she stood up… She heard a whimper, the tiniest whimper. She stopped. She turned and took in her youngest. She hadn't seen her look so tired, alert, and weak for years and she knew that it wasn't just the dodgeball. It was all of it; it was being exposed. She listened quietly to Rachel's breathing.

Shelby frowned. "You should do a quick treatment, bugs."

"Mom—''

Shelby already managed to pour the tiny bottle into the mask and put the mask's strap around Rachel's head. "Mom," Rachel tried again.

"Not now, bug," Shelby said sharply but gently. "We're going to be late." She met her daughter's eyes. "You're finishing all of this."

Rachel frowned, but leaned back as Shelby turned on the machine and left the room.

Shelby burst into Santana's room and was surprised to find it empty. She walked through the bathroom and into Quinn's room. She was shocked to find the girls leaning against the bed. Santana was leaning against the wall and Quinn was across from her leaning against the bed. They were asleep in upright positions that told Shelby that they would be sore and exhausted today.

She clapped her hands smartly, before she could really wonder what they were doing there.

"Girls! Girls!" she said. "We're going to be late. Quickest showers on earth please. In the car in twenty. No ifs, ands or buts. Go!"

The girls looked tiredly at her. "Girls! Let's go," she said. She helped them up and ushered them into the bathroom. She turned on the shower. She handed both of them their toothbrushes as they continued to look at her with dazed looks. Shelby put toothpaste on Santana's and then ushered the girl and her toothbrush out of the bathroom. "Quinn, hop in the shower. Quickly, please. Santana go brush your teeth in my room and then check on your sister. Quinn you have six minutes to be in and out of that shower."

Shelby rushed out of the bathroom. Santana caught a glance at Quinn and smiled as she began brushing her teeth. "She just hasn't had her coffee yet."

….

Down the hallway, Noah sat up in bed. His body told him that he should be awake. However, his aching brain had been screaming at him for the past hour. He had been awake, mulling over his indiscretions. It felt like a bad dream coated in dread. It just wasn't something he wanted to be a part of.

"Noah," Shelby said quietly with a barely-there knock. "Get up please—Oh, you're awake. Great. Can you shower please. I know we'll have three back to back showers, but I think if I can convince Rachel to let me do her hair we'll be good and…" She sighed. "Just get ready. We're going to be late."

"Is that all you're going to say to me?" he asked with a frown as he sat up on the bed.

Shelby sighed and didn't turn around right away. She put her hand on her forehead and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"For now? Yes, Noah," Shelby said with a sigh. "However, I will have plenty to say this evening but now isn't the time to get into this. I'm disappointed in you but I have a feeling not as much as you're disappointed in yourself. Right? I just…" She waved her hands in the air. "I just can't believe you. What could you possibly be thinking? That girl was inebriated! She was your ride home, Noah! What in the name of everything sober could you have been thinking?" Shelby sighed. She put up her hand on her forehead. "Don't answer that. You have crossed the line mister. This is unacceptable. I don't care that you are eighteen, you are my son and what you did last night was not only irresponsible and reckless it was stupid. We don't have time for this, Noah. But don't worry. You'll be making up plenty of time with me starting tonight. Things are going to change!"

She started out of the room.

"Why did you bring them?" he asked incredulously. She stopped in her tracks.

"Really? I had no idea where you were. Santana knew. I didn't know how to get there. I was not going to leave Quinn and Rachel here. No, absolutely not. What did you expect?" Shelby suddenly frowned when she read his face. "Oh," she said with a dry laugh. "You think I should have left them here. Well, let me inform you about something, young man. Being an adult and being a parent means that you can't just leave your children at home. You can't forget about responsibility. And what you did so irresponsibly last night can lead to children." She shook her head furiously. "You know what, Noah? I'm not arguing with you about this." She continued to shake her head. "No, I am the mom. End of discussion." She looked at her son. "Now hurry up and get ready because we need to leave."

Without another word, she left the room.

Noah stomped around the room. This was ridiculous. He grabbed his clothes and began to get ready.

…

Shelby reentered Rachel's room to see her youngest had quietly lied back down with the nebulizer still on her face. She gave a sigh.

"No, sweetie, you can't go back to sleep. You need to wake up," Shelby said pulled Rachel up to a sitting position. "We cannot sleep right now. We need to leave."

Shelby saw that the medicine was almost finished. She looked at her daughter's tired eyes. She grabbed her favorite skirt and shirt combination that she knew of, some underwear, and a loose training tank top. Rachel murmured underneath the mask. She turned as she set the items on the bed.

"What, bug?" she asked as she removed the mask and turned off the nebulizer.

"I don't want that. I want to wear the bra. The training bra," Rachel said insistently.

"No," Shelby said. She combed her hand through her daughter's hair and began to put it up. She knew it would hurt her back. Her daughter wanted to grow up too fast and she didn't want to aggravate her back.

"But Mom," Rachel began.

"No, Rachel," Shelby said seriously forcing Rachel to look down in defeat. Shelby somehow managed to pull Rachel's hair into a French braid. "End of discussion. Now get dressed and get down stairs please. We are late."

Rachel watcher her mother leave the room then looked into her vanity mirror. Her braid was lopsided.

She pulled on her clothes. She wasn't sure what her mother was going to do today, but she had the face on. The face that Santana called: the war face. It was never a good sign. She could hear hairdryers going in her mother and sisters' rooms. Meandering down the hallway she walked into her brother's room as he pulled his jersey over his head. She forgot; it was game day.

"Noah?" she asked quietly.

"What, bug?" he said with annoyance.

She frowned. "Are you still angry that you missed curfew?"

The older boy turned and looked at her with a confused look. "Yeah, something like that."

His head was pounding. He was so hungover and dealing with this wasn't what he wanted to do.

Rachel watched him. She remembered waking up slightly in the car and having Quinn cover her eyes. And in the car…her brother smelled like the smells in New York. She frowned in realization.

"Were you drinking?" she asked. "Is that why Mom is so mad?"

"Rachel, I'm not talking about this with you," Noah said storming past her.

Her little legs managed to keep up with his as she followed him downstairs. Why would they cover her eyes? She watched her brother bang cabinets shut in the kitchen. Whitney was in the car she realized… She smelled too….

She frowned in horror and confusion. "Oh my god, were you having sex?" she asked him with a horrified look.

Noah froze with the cereal cabinet open.

When he didn't answer Rachel went on. "Why would you do that? … You were drinking and having sex?"

Being Rachel and being eleven she didn't see that as compelling or tempting in anyway.

Noah slammed the cabinet door shut and turned to his sister. "We're not doing this, Rachel." He started to storm out of the kitchen.

"But Noah—''

She followed close behind him. He turned sharply and cowered over her, looking her straight in the eye, accidentally knocking over one of the bar stools. "Rachel!"

When it clanged as it hit the floor, he seemed to snap out of his tantrum. However, the noise and the look he flashed at her still lingered in his face and caused her to jump back from in, afraid. The boy immediately knew his mistake. He reached out to her. "Rach, I'm sorry," he said gently. His heart broke more because when he reached out, she flinched.

Rachel looked up at her brother with trepidation and then quickly looked away. She knew it was her brother and she knew she was safe, but her instincts, the ones that she was forced to build were telling her otherwise. They were screaming. She chewed her bottom lip as she unconsciously took a step away from her brother. She didn't want to look at him. She couldn't. She just... couldn't. She squeezed her eyes shut and she could hear her heart thumping against her chest as if it were about to explode. She didn't know what to say or how to process.

"Rachel?" she heard her brother whisper.

She felt a hand on her arm. She flinched away.

She squeezed her eyes shut as she remembered Hiram's big shoes and her arm being grabbed and being pulled into the room. She hated that room. It was dark and it was where she hurt. She could hear echos of his screaming in her ear.

"Rachel?" Noah said again gently. She felt him bring her into a hug and she tried to push him away. Again her instincts were kicking in. Her shallow breaths forced her eyes to remain shut. She wasn't in the moment. She felt a hand clamp down on her arm. She didn't realize that she was remembering instead of actually feeling it.

"Bug," Noah whispered in her ear. "I'm sorry. Okay?"

Rachel bit her lip and her eyes flew open. She looked at her brother who was now kneeling at her level. She backed away from him. She failed to see the distress in her brother's eyes. She didn't feel as if she was in the kitchen anymore. She felt stuck.

Noah stared at her. He knew what was happening. She was not just panicking. She was remembering and he had forced that on her. He was responsible.

_Nine year old Noah rubbed his eyes. His back hurt from the beating the night before for doing something that he couldn't even remember, all he knew was that it was wrong. He needed to get up. He needed to get up before that carpet muncher woke up. He and Santana realized that Hiram tended to sleep late and it was the prime time to use their skills to take food. However, it had to be sneaky. They could only take a few slices of bread at a time and some stale crackers. They wanted to take a sleeve, but they learned the hard way that that was too noticeable. He sighed because for awhile now, Rachel stopped eating. He sat up and watched his sisters sleep soundly in the bed. She didn't talk much anymore either. He frowned. Both of them were different. _

_Noah stood up and looked at his youngest sister. He found the binkie laying on his make-shift bed. It must have fallen off the bed during the night. He picked it up. His father had been a weird germ person, but he remembered how Rachel used to drop her binkie all the time when they were out running errands at the store or the studio. His dad had said, "Your germs are better than the ground's germs." Noah then remembered watching in utter horror as his father put the binkie in his own mouth before giving it back to Rachel. "See?" His father had said. "Germs be gone." Noah knew that germs didn't work that way and had made sure to tell his father so. However, his father was gone and he was here. He stared at the binkie and put it in is mouth. Noah germs were better than floor germs. _

"_Here, bug," he murmured as he took out the pacifier and put it to Rachel's mouth. Even in her sleep she sensed it and opened her mouth, took it and moved closer to Santana, who wrapped her arm around her possessively. _

_He rubbed his hand over his face and walked quietly from the room. He made his way silently into the kitchen and his heart fell. He hadn't woken up early enough._

"_What are you doing up?" Hiram growled. He looked even rougher than usual. There was a glare in his eyes that told Noah that he meant business._

"_I just... woke up," Noah said quietly heading back to the room. His heart speed faster. He heard the footsteps behind him. Crap. He was following him. Could he run ahead and shut the door? No way. That wasn't an option. Why was he following him? Noah went into the room quietly and tried not to open the door all of the way. However, Hiram wanted the door open apparently._

_The man put his hand on the door and swung it open with so much force that it slammed against the wall behind it. Noah saw both of his sisters jump awake and scoot toward the head of the bed. Rachel's binkie fell to the floor. Noah frowned; he would have to clean it again. Santana wrapped her arm around Rachel, trying to hold her close. _

"_I just need to change her diaper," Hiram said gruffly. _

"_I can do it!" Santana and Noah chirped. _

"_No," he barked. "Rachel, come here!"_

_Rachel looked at Santana then Noah and up at Hiram. She gave a slight shake of her head. "I dry. Don't need," she said to Santana. There was a tremor in her voice. When she spoke the gripped tighter to Santana as she looked down. _

_Hiram seemed to roar like an old car engine. "You're a baby. What do you know?" He reached across the bed and clamped his hand around Rachel's upper arm in a way that even caused Noah to flinch. "Come on," he urged as Rachel practically flew in the air and onto the floor. Noah frowned he wanted to stop it but he was afraid of making it worse. It was just a diaper change, right?_

"_Rachel!" Hiram screamed as he practically dragged her to the door. "What did we say about being a good girl!" The tiny girl didn't answer she just bowed her head trying to hide her tears. His large hand was still clamped on her upper arm. He shook her with one hand and took his other hand and slapped the side of her head with his open palm. "What did I say?" he barked. His voice shook as he shook her because he was moving so much. _

"_Good girls listen," Rachel whispered._

"_That's right," he barked and started to drag her down the hallway. Her tiny miss-matched socked feet could barely keep up with him, so her body was literally being pulled down the hallway._

_Noah saw Santana move out of the corner of his eye to follow them. He stopped her. "Don't," he said. He gulped as they disappeared into the room at the end of the hallway. "It's just a diaper change. Don't make it worse."_

_He looked over at his sister. She was frowning. "He always takes a long time."_

"_Well, he doesn't know what he's doing..." Noah said._

_His sister turned her frown to him. "No, shit!" she said angrily. He could see that she was breathing heavily. She was nervous. They both were, but Rachel never made a noise when she was in the room. He frowned. It was just a diaper change, he told himself. Otherwise, she would make a noise, right?_

"Let's move it," Shelby said grabbing a box of granola bars from the kitchen cabinet. "Quinn, Santana!"

Noah watched his sister for a moment and tried to approach her again but she backed further away.

"Rach, take this," Shelby said holding Rachel's bag. She saw her youngest daughter's head bowed. She frowned and looked at her son. "What happened?"

Noah stood up but didn't break his gaze from Rachel.

"Nothing," Rachel whispered as she took her bag from Shelby's hand and walked past them to the car.

Shelby turned to her son and arched her eyebrow. "Explain."

"I yelled at her," he muttered.

Noah didn't think his mother's face could get any tighter with anger. "You yelled at her?" she asked with frustration.

"Yelled at who?" Santana asked as she and Quinn rounded the corner

"Car. Now," Shelby said. She turned back to her son. " Noah you are lucky I am even allowing you to play in that game tonight. You will apologize to her." Shelby shook her head. "I know you're pissed. I get it. I really do, but she can't take this. And quite frankly neither can I."

The car ride was silent. Rachel was tucked in the very back seat staring out the window. A river of guilt ran through Noah even deeper than the one before it. His mother was barely talking to him. His sisters wouldn't look at him. It was just a mess.

Shelby put the large vehicle into park in front of the high school.

Noah, Santana, and Quinn all reached for their respective doors to escape the tension of the car.

"Now," Shelby's voice said with an eerie cheer that reminded Noah of the Stepford Wives movie that Whitney made him watch. "Enjoy this last day at school to its fullest, kids." She tilted her head to the side and met the eyes of three older kids in the car. "After the game tonight, you are all indefinitely grounded. I'm your new best friend."

Quinn arched a brow and gave a snicker as she got out. Santana smacked her on the arm. "It's not that funny because it's true," the brunette hissed as they walked toward the school.

"Oh Quinn!" Shelby called from the car. The girls looked back and Shelby had a paper in her hand. "This is for you."

Quinn walked back to the car and looked at the paper. It was a grid with all of her classes on it and a space for her teachers to sign. There was even a column for comments. The blonde gave a deep breath. She met Shelby's eyes. The woman was giving her a smug look.

"Thought I forgot, huh?" Shelby straightened in her seat and looked into the rear view mirror. "Rach, come sit in the middle please. I'm not a limo driver." She turned her attention back to Quinn. "Don't worry. I faxed Figgins a copy. Your teachers will have extra in case this one gets lost for some reason, but I know that won't happen, will it?" Shelby smiled. "I love you. See you at the game. Please behave today." The woman gave one last wave and drove off.

Quinn watched in surprise. She turned and Santana and Brittany were beside her. One on either side.

"Mom-zilla?" Brittany asked.

"Oh yes," Santana said as they watched the Range Rover disappear, not really registering that it was Brittany, the same Brittany she kissed the day before standing next to her.

"Unquestionably," Quinn said with a shake of her head.

Brittany looked at the blonde.

"So what did you do?" Brittany asked as they headed into school.

"Oh you know," Quinn said as they walked into the busy halls. "Gave some she-bitch eleven year old an accidental black eye during a clean game of dodgeball."

Brittany looked forward and continued to walk. "Classic."

Santana frowned. "Classic?" All of yesterday was flooding back. She didn't want it to. She needed to block it out.

Brittany smiled and nodded. "Classic."

Santana turned away from Brittany. Don't smile at me. She's so distracting. She couldn't face her. The brunette turned to her new poker mate. "So…. What exactly happened?"

Brittany snuck a glance at Santana trying to catch her eye to signal that they needed to talk. Per usual, Santana refused to look at her. For most people, it was forgive and forget. Brittany watched the brunette talk casually to her new housemate. The one thing that Brittany learned about Santana was that she focused more on the forgetting part. She chewed her lip and lowered her gaze as the three of them walked down the hall.

…...

Shelby pulled up to Warren G. Harding Junior High. She looked into the rear view mirror and Rachel was still looking quietly out the window.

"Rachel, we're here," she said tiredly. She hadn't even had time to grab her morning coffee.

The tiny girl continued to look out the window. Shelby unbuckled and turned to look at her daughter.

"Rachel?"

"Thanks for the ride, Mom," Rachel said quietly as she reached for the handle.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Shelby said. "Stay there please."

The woman climbed out of the drivers seat, walked around to the opposite side of the car and opened the car door to the back seat. Rachel watched her with a frown.

"Mom, I-" Rachel looked around the parking lot. Her peers were being dropped off by the bus and their parents near the entrance and here her mother was getting in the backseat with her? Could she get any weirder? "What are you doing? I need to go."

"Rachel," Shelby said gently. "In a few minutes, I'm going to go in with you. If you want we can wait until after the bell rings." Rachel nodded. "But first I wanted to talk to you." She caught and held her daughter's gaze. "What's going on?"

She looked at her mother with hesitation. She didn't want to be rescued. She didn't want to be a victim. She looked down at her hands. But here she was, still scared, and still in the backseat being taken care of.

"Why are going in with me?" Rachel asked.

Shelby frowned. That wasn't the response she had been fishing for. She was hoping the dam would break. Instead it was building higher.

"Rachel, what happened during gym wasn't okay," Shelby began. "And..." She trailed off as she suddenly remembered what Quinn had said. Rachel didn't know. She didn't know that Quinn had defended her. "We need to sort this out. And before we go inside, I need to know what's going on in that head of yours."

"Nothing," she muttered.

Shelby gave a sigh and lowered her gaze to try to catch her daughter's bowed head. She squinted her eyes and allowed herself to really rewind over the last twenty-four hours. Something stuck out more than the other things.

"Can you tell me about your bad dream?" Shelby asked.

Rachel shook her head. "No, I don't need to," she whispered. "I don't want to anymore."

Shelby frowned. "Anymore?" She watched her daughter look up with the bravest face the tired girl could manage to put on. "Rachel, we're going to go into school and I'm going to talk to your principal about what's been going on. I would really like your perspective first. Here's your chance."

The small girl smoothed out her skirt and played with its pleats. "People don't like me because I'm different Mom."

"You're special, Rachel," Shelby said in the mom tone.

Rachel frowned. "Noah, knocked over a stool this morning and I froze up. I can't handle that and he's my brother... You can't possibly think my classmates are full of support." She seemed to recoil slightly from the outburst. "I don't want to be special, Mom. I want to fit in. This was me trying to fit in and not have my head-bitch-in-charge-Mom come strutting in-"

"Excuse me!" Shelby said in shock.

Rachel's jaw dropped slightly. "I didn't say it. People say that. It's a common phrase... like 'Bless you.'"

Shelby shook her head in confused shock. "I'm sorry, who exactly is calling me a... "

"A head-bitch-in-charge isn't the same thing as a," Rachel leaned forward and whispered, "Bitch." The girl frowned. "It's what Sue Sylvester is. You know? It's someone in command. Quinn's a -"

Shelby put up her hands. "Okay... Maybe you can explain to me the derivations of that colloquial term later."

Rachel searched through her vocabulary words to decipher what her mother just said. She shrugged. "It was just dodgeball, Mom."

There it was. The heart of the matter. "Rachel, it's not just dodgeball or just a game. It's the fact that you accept this that I don't like."

Rachel took a deep breath and wrung out her hands. "I'm not big, fast, strong, or witty. I don't want to stand out. I want to be in the crowd."

"That's not true, Rachel. You want to go to Broadway. You're one in a million."

"No I'm not..." she whispered. "There's one of me every ten seconds." It came out as a whisper.

Shelby frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"I read it somewhere." Her voice faded slightly as she turned from Shelby forcing the mother to lean closer.

"What?"

"Every ten seconds in the United States a child is abused, raped, or killed." Shelby felt like her heart was beneath the car at the moment. She watched her little girl look up at her with tired eyes. "I don't want to stick out, Mom...Someone came to school and did a presentation...They asked if we knew anybody...Please don't go in there, Mom. Please just let me cope with this."

"Rachel, there's no one out there like you, not every ten seconds, not ever." Shelby steeled her face and forced her tears back in. "You are strong and incredible. That's determined by your unceasing love and you contagious laugh. You're not a victim, my darling girl. You're not a number and neither is anyone else you know or will know. You are you and they are them. What's happened to people doesn't define them." She saw Rachel's brow furrow in confusion. "What I mean is it helps them become who they are." She took her daughter's hand in hers. "You're growing up. You're learning how to get through. Please don't try to blend in when you're meant to stand out."

She looked down at her hands and away from her mother's affectionate gaze. "I don't want to be strong. I don't want to be incredible. I want to blend in."

Shelby squeezed her eyes shut. "Why?"

"Because I already feel like I stick out."

Shelby realized in that moment that she wasn't getting far. "Well, Rachel. I'm the Mom. And I'm going to say this again and again until you get it. You deserve better and this is not okay. I will be civil but this is not okay."

Rachel's shoulders sagged. She felt like she wasn't being heard.

Shelby sat with her jaw dropped. Just ten minutes prior, she was coming in to the office ready to have a conversation with the administration. She managed to send an email demanding a meeting with the principal, Rachel's teachers and the superintendent. They all responded. However, this conversation was not in any way what she expected.

She put up her hands up. "I'm sorry. Let me get this straight. You're all aware of this policy and you tolerate... No! Accept it?" She was beside herself.

"Yes, that's correct," one of the teachers said.

"We have you sign a waiver at the beginning of the year," Coach Carter said.

"The one titled, 'Ping Pong is a Professional Sport'?" Shelby asked with confusion. She shook her head. She pointed over her shoulders. "My daughter is out there in the hallway, covered in bruises from that damn game!"

"You didn't seem to have a problem when it was your other two children throwing the balls," Mrs. Kamm, the vice principal, said with a cheeky grin. "What do you think we told the other children's parents? Same thing we are telling you right now."

"You're kidding me," Shelby scoffed. She looked at the faces before her. "My daughter -''

"Has been given so many free passes. We have been more than generous in accommodating Rachel's needs," the principal said.

"Accommodating?" Shelby asked with an arch in her brow. "You're joking, right?"

"Her not eating with all the other children. Notifying her and then removing her before the fire alarm goes off. Having her sit by herself on her little machine if-"

"Excuse me, I don't appreciate your tone," Shelby interjected. She shook her head. She was not only being met with a bit of resistance but a wall. "If my child chooses not to participate, I do not want her flogged with balls. End of story. It's not happening."

"Ms. Corcoran," the principal interrupted. "We have gone above and beyond for Rachel."

"I have to disagree," Shelby gritted her teeth.

"We are aware that Rachel may have some issues." The room seemed to still.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"It's no secret to not just this town but the country that your children have faced some hardship back in New York. However, you have failed to ever provide information about it to us."

Shelby's heart was furiously beating in her chest. This school had put up a fight when Noah and Santana attended. She was always able to find some sort of compromise, but this was low. They had never brought in what happened especially in such a malicious way.

"Because it's never been any of your business," Shelby spat. "Has it ever interfered with her learning?"

"That's what we're trying to explain, Ms. Corcoran. I believe it has."

There it was. She went in her ready to demand that this bullying stop and they were basically telling they wanted more information about Rachel's past because it was interfering with her. Why were they putting up such a resistance now? It was as if they read her mind.

"With your two older children, we had our hands full, but socially that didn't provide as much constant attention as Rachel." Shelby frowned. "Have you ever considered alternative schooling for Rachel?" Shelby squeezed her eyes shut.

"I'm sorry. Let me get this straight. My child comes home with bruising and you're telling me not only will you do nothing about it, but you want her to go elsewhere for school?" She was met with silent nods. She closed her eyes in frustration. She remembered the calls she received about Jeanie Marks.

Shelby turned with an angry brow to Rachel's teacher who had called her about the lollipop incident. "Did you fail to tell me about how Jeanie Marks treats my daughter on a normal basis?"

"I didn't believe it was necessary to -"

"Yes or no?" Shelby hissed.

"Yes, Jeanie and Rachel do not get along. However, I was not made aware of the egg incident until -"

"What?" Shelby's voice froze the room.

The teacher looked at her colleagues and then back at Shelby. "The incident where the class placed eggs in Rachel's backpack," she murmured.

"And what, may I ask did you do once you found out about this 'incident?'" Shelby asked through gritted teeth.

The woman visibly gulped. "I allowed Rachel to rinse out her backpack during recess."

Shelby gave an icy laugh. "You 'allowed?' How generous of you." The woman stood from her chair. "We are finished here. Rachel will be collecting her things now. I'm withdrawing her from this school. You will be hearing from my lawyer."

With that, Shelby left the room and looked at her youngest with a heavy sigh. Rachel was sitting outside the office with her head drooping hugging her bag to her chest. She looked up at her when she heard the door open.

"Can I go to class now?"

…..

Noah charged into school. He was sure he pushed more than his normal quota of losers into lockers in his hunt. He spotted Whitney at his locker. Waiting.

"What the hell!" she scolded. "Do you have any idea how much trouble I'm in?"

Puck took her hand and pulled her into the empty gym.

"You told me last night that I would be home by curfew. To trust you since your damn clock was broken," he said in a low, frustrated tone.

"Oh, please," Whitney said. "It was your birthday celebration. What's the big deal?"

Puck slammed his hand against the wall. "The big deal is my family saw us having sex, you idiot! You think you're in trouble. Let me guess you can't what? Go to the mall after school? Give me a break, Whitney!"

"Don't yell at me," she screamed. "This isn't just my fault."

Puck shook his head. "My sisters saw us."

"Oh, tough shit," Whitney scoffed.

"Hey!" he scolded. He leaned closer to her. "This isn't okay. This isn't about getting privileges pulled. This actually has thrown them all for a loop."

Whitney laughed. "What? Seriously? Like Santana and Quinn, have any reason to be 'thrown' after walking in on some hot sex we were having."

She leaned forward and stroked his arm. He pushed her away. She was surprised when she met his eyes. They were furious.

"Are you even sorry?" he shook his head. "You know what. Fuck this shit. We're done."

"Excuse me?" Whitney scoffed. "We have built something for over a year, Puck!"

"Really?" he asked with a glare. "What's that? Name one thing? Because I'm pretty sure I've never given you a thing?"

She shot him a furious look. "I know and I forgive you for that. Nothing on anniversaries. Rarely any phone calls that aren't asking if I'm up for sex, a party, or a make out sesh. You gave me a cupcake from the cafeteria for my birthday. It's like you don't care."

"I don't, Whitney," Puck sneered. "What we had was just casual. I never hid that from you. You're the one who gave us labels, not me!"

"Are you serious right now, Puck? Are you telling me what we've been doing has barely even been a fling? You've never had feelings for me?"

"It was fun, Whitney, but we're over. I'm done with this," he said walking away.

"Don't you dare, Corcoran. You and your family -"

"Stop," he said. "We're done."

He walked away.

"We're not over! You hear me?"

…...

Shelby looked in the rear view mirror. Rachel chose to sit in the far back. She had looked at her in shock when Shelby told her. She helped her daughter in silence collect her things. She hadn't said a word.

"Did I do something wrong?" Rachel asked quietly from the back seat.

Shelby turned and looked at her. "Sweetheart, no."

She looked up with tears running down her cheeks. "Then why are you punishing me?"

Shelby pulled over to the side of the road. She turned and looked at her daughter. "Honey, what they did and how they treated you wasn't acceptable. It was terrible."

Rachel looked at her angry. "I hate you."

Shelby looked at her shocked. "Rachel..."

"I'm sorry...I just... I'm mad."

"It's alright to be mad," she assured. "Do you want to talk about what happened? We can go for lunch somewhere? Get something to eat and -"

Rachel looked at her hands. "Are Aunt Joey and Bear going to be at the game?"

Shelby frowned. "Of course, they always are."

"I want to stay with them tonight," she said quietly.

"Rachel, we're going to talk about this," Shelby said.

The girl wiped her tears. "I don't want to." She looked at her hands. "Are we going to your office? I have a book. I can read."

Shelby was confused by her daughter's stand-offish attitude but she wasn't surprised.

"It's okay to be angry, Rachel. When you're ready to talk, let me know."

….

Brittany spotted Santana at her locker at the end of the day. She knew that the girl had been avoiding her for most of the day. Literally avoiding her. Brittany was sure she saw Santana do a duck and run at one point.

"Can we talk?" Brittany asked as she leaned against the locker.

"About?" Santana asked.

"Don't do that," the blonde said quietly.

"Let's forget it happened," the brunette whispered. She caught Brittany's eye and looked away. "Please?"

"I can't forget," Brittany said. "I really -"

"Hey whores!" Whitney said marching up to them.

"Hey, Shitney," Santana scoffed. She was thankful, she needed a pick-me-up. "I knew your ass was huge but man oh man."

"You would be still remembering my ass wouldn't you?" Whitney hissed stealing a look over to Brittany.

Santana laughed. "Yeah right. I'm pretty sure I would catch the clap from just touching your car."

"Careful, Corcoran. I could make your life hell especially now that I don't give a fuck what your brother thinks."

She laughed again at the bimbo's attempt to intimidate. "Really? He finally saw you as a fuck carpet." She gave a mock pout. "Bummer."

Quinn walked past the group of them. She caught Santana's gaze and then broke it and continued to walk. Something was up. Santana turned to Whitney again.

"Get out of my face, Shitney. See you on the field."

She gave a quick nod to Brittany and followed after Quinn. Brittany watched her leave before turning to Whitney.

"I don't have to remind you what I have on you," Brittany told the senior.

"I don't care anymore now that I lost Puck," Whitney said. She smiled. "You should be worrying more about what I have on you."

Brittany's eyes narrowed. "I'll tell Coach about the crabs and the hockey team. You'll be off in a heartbeat I guarantee it."

"You're bluffing," Whitney hissed.

"Care to test that theory?"

Brittany turned and walked away from the fuming girl.

…...

Quinn walked quickly to her locker. She hated having history with Finn. She shook her head. Literally, she had US history with him. He was still badgering her. The class had been brutal he had been trying to write her notes all day. She had been ignoring him. She had been trying to avoid him, but couldn't. Her day was already obnoxious because of that stupid paper she had to get signed. Her teachers all looked at her with this weird sympathetic glare when they signed it. In those moments, she studied her pencil. Now that her last class was over, she knew every curve, crack and mark on that damn pencil. Finally, she reached her locker. The day was over.

"Quinn!" he heard him yell from down the hallway. She deflated. She hated talking to him. She couldn't be around him. Not after last night. She tensed.

"Can we talk please?" Finn asked leaning against the locker next to Quinn's.

The blonde tried to put on her head-bitch-in-charge face but even that was weak today.

"About? Finn, we're not together and haven't been for awhile. The only reason you're talking to me now is because I'm living with Puck," she hissed as she retrieved her books.

"Yeah, explain that. I saw your mother at the store while I was with my mom and she looks -"

"Franken-stalk!" Santana's voice suddenly rang. "A word!"

"Well, I'm busy," Finn said standing closer to Quinn, who winced.

"Doesn't look like she wants to talk to you," Santana hissed as she stepped in between them.

"How would you know?" Finn spat.

"Because I have eyes," Santana barked. "Now get lost. Shouldn't you be practicing for the game tonight? You might forget how to walk and you're required to run."

"Fuck you, Santana," he barked as he moved away from the girls.

"Ewwww, I would stab myself in the eye," she sneered. "Get lost."

He stomped down the hallway like a petulant child.

"I don't need you to stick up for me," Quinn barked slamming her locker shut.

"I didn't," Santana shrugged. "I just don't like him. And tough shit, because I will."

The blonde tried not to look surprised at Santana's relaxed grin. The brunette shrugged. "I mean, I have to. You and I share a bathroom. It's required that I stick up for you. It's under the same clause that says you're required to change the toilet paper roll when it runs out." She looked at her hands. "Plus... I didn't thank you earlier about what you did for Rach...I would have done worse."

Quinn shook her head with a small grin. "No, you wouldn't."

"Yes, I would. My game wouldn't have been dodgeball. It would have been how many punches can you take?"

Quinn smiled. "Sure, Sanny," she mocked in a baby voice.

The two of them walked toward the locker room to ready for the game, somehow relaxing into a normal exchange.

…...

Shelby spotted her older sister on the bleachers typing furiously on her phone as she held a small puppy in her lap. She looked at the sidelines. Her brother-in-law, Lawrence or "Bear" was pacing already. The man's obsession with football was borderline ridiculous. She ushered Rachel over. He smiled immediately at them.

"There they are!" he said as he walked over to them. He picked Rachel up and threw her in the air before either could protest. Rachel gave a small cry. He frowned and set her down gently and immediately knelt in front of her. "What's wrong? Are you okay? What happened? You're hurt? Who did this?"

Rachel looked up at Shelby and then at her uncle and then at the ground. "I don't want to talk about it," she murmured.

"Go up and see Aunt Joey," Bear said kissing his youngest niece gently on the head. "Take that darn phone away from her okay? She brought Charlie with her, see?" Rachel nodded and walked up the bleachers. Bear watched her just as closely as Shelby. "What happened?" he asked still watching the girl.

"Something happened at school and I went to talk to the administration. They were terrible and cold, so I pulled her out of school."

Bear frowned. "Did they beat her up?"

"Twenty-three kids threw dodgeballs at her," Shelby said with a sigh.

"Are you kidding me?"

"I wish I was."

A few minutes later, Bear was still pacing on the sidelines cheering at Noah and yelling out plays the game hadn't even started yet. Rachel was sitting quietly next to her aunt and mother.

"Can I go walk the puppy, Mom?" Rachel asked.

Shelby frowned. "Twenty minutes," she said. Rachel looked relieved and climbed down the bleachers with the little pug.

Joanne turned to her as soon as Rachel was out of ear shot. "What's going on? I got your texts."

Shelby looked at her older sister. "This has been the longest twenty-four hours of my life."

When Shelby finished filling her in, about everything from Quinn's dodgeball to Noah's drunken night plus Rachel leaving school, her sister just looked at her.

Joanne was sighed heavily and shook her head. "I'll make some calls tomorrow. We've been wanting to get that superintendent fired for awhile."

Her sister was one of the most respected women in the community. She was one of the few lawyers that people didn't hate but instead went to for advice. She represented anyone who mattered in Lima.

"Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to take Rachel tonight?"

Shelby frowned. She didn't want her daughter to feel as if she was abandoning her. However, she thought about the only conversation she had with her tiny girl today. She sighed and looked over at Joanne. "She knew you were coming tonight. She asked if she could go over tonight."

"She did?" Joanne laughed.

Shelby shrugged. "Yeah? She said that with the new puppy that you and Bear needed her...and ….."

"... And the fact that she's pissed at you because you pulled her from school," Joanne finished with a grin.

Shelby grimaced. "Is it bad that it's convenient because I need to have a sex talk three different times tomorrow morning with the other kids." She put her head in her hands.

Joanne shook her head. "Lucky you."

…...

The game was about to start. Santana spotted Finn getting a drink of water and she thought she would take the opportunity.

Finn took a swig of water. His heart beat fast in his chest because he had heard there were recruiters here. It didn't matter that they weren't there to see him, because he was sure he would win them over with his skill.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to you earlier," a voice said behind him.

He turned with a grin, but it instantly faded when he saw it was Santana.

"Go away," he barked.

"No," she said standing in front of him. "I have something to say to you so listen up." She stepped close to his face.

"You're nothing. What you make Quinn feel is exactly who you pretend not to be. You act like a big man, because you can't help it, because you're the beanstalk. Sometimes I get distracted and think I see a small boy trying to climb you in search of a hen that lays golden eggs, but that's beside the point. Let me chop you down, gi-gantasaur. You're a loser. You'll always be a Lima Loser. Quinn is not only too good for you, but so is that rock over there. Deep down you know that too in the roots of your stalky being. You need to back off and settle in, because you're here to stay, homeboy. Maybe your stepfather will let you lick the floor of his shop. But that's only if you're lucky. So don't talk to Quinn anymore because you've already wasted not only her time and energy but you've also scarred her simply with your foul stare and jutting jaw, which make you look like you're passing gas. So hunch down, Quasimodo and look around you. This right now, you as a barely mediocre player, and that's being nice, this is the HIGHLIGHT of your life. Don't talk to Quinn. Ever. Maybe if you're lucky, she'll wipe her feet on you later." Santana plastered a smile on her face. "Bring it home, quarterback! Go Titans!"

She walked away from him. He was stunned. He didn't want to admit it but she had gotten to him.

"Hudson!" Beiste yelled. "Get on the field."

He shook his head and ran out. He told the play to the line and they got in position. He snuck a glance over into the stands at the recruiters and then somehow Santana's face on the sidelines popped out at him. The play ran. He fumbled the snap.

After the fourth snap that he fumbled, Beiste pulled him out of the game and put in Sam. He was furious. How had she gotten to him? How had he...

"Ahh!" he screamed kicking the bench over. "Damn it!"

"Angry, much?" a voice said behind him.

Whitney stood there in her Cheerios uniform with her hands on her hips.

"What would you know about it?" he yelled.

She scowled. "More than you know."

…...

Rachel rounded the corner. Charlie was the best distraction. He was cute and soft and snuggly. She frowned. And now, he was pooping. She looked around. She didn't have a bag, but she just couldn't leave it there in the parking lot.

"Here," said a familiar voice and a plastic bag came into view.

She gave a small smile. "Hi, Mr. Schuester."

"Hi, Rachel," he grinned. "Who's this cutie?"

"This is Charlie," Rachel said as she picked up after the dog and threw away the bag. "He's my aunt's dog."

"Oh, Joanne?" he asked curiously. Rachel nodded slightly confused. "I went to school with them, remember?"

"Oh yeah. I need to go wash my hands," she said quietly.

"I'll come with you," he said. "I haven't seen you in a few days and I miss my favorite student."

Rachel smiled. "Thanks, Mr. Schuester."

They walked down the quiet hallway together.

"You seem kind of down, are you alright?" He put his hand on her back and she flinched at the contact on her bruised skin.

"I just...I just had a bad day," Rachel said.

"Yeah?" he took a turn down the hallway. "Here let's use the one down here. No one else will be here." Rachel frowned. "The dog," he said casually. "Most people don't like dogs in restrooms with them."

"Oh, that makes sense," she shrugged.

"So tell me about your bad day," he said as they washed their hands next to each other.

"It was just kinda bad..." Rachel said. Somehow the damn broke and she began talking about the kids at school and how she was taken out this morning because of her mom. "I don't think she understand how upset I am."

Rachel dried her hands.

"Do you mind if I look at your back?" he asked her.

She looked at him. "Why?"

"Because as a teacher I can see if your mom was over reacting," he said casually.

Rachel bit her lip. She wanted someone to listen to take her side. Wasn't that what he was doing?

"Okay," she said quietly.

She turned and stood in front of him. She jumped when he felt his hand untuck her shirt and undershirt from her skirt in the back. His hand grazed the waist line of her skirt.

"Shhhh," he soothed. "Just a quick look."

Rachel nodded and he lifted up her shirt and undershirt. "Man, Rach, these look pretty bad," he said quietly as he ran his hand down her bareback. For some reason her heart was beating rapidly.

"Here why don't you tuck your shirts back in. I'll hold the dog."

Rachel took a step away from him and tucked in her shirts. That wasn't weird, right?

"Rachel," he said seriously. "We're friends right?" Rachel nodded silently. "Well, I'm gonna say that I have to side with your mom here. They're pretty bad. She's just trying to protect you. And …. well... she has to..."

The girl looked at him as they continued back into the hallway once her shirts were tucked in. "What do you mean?"

"Well, everything that happened to you guys-"

His causal air caught her off guard. "You know about that?"

"Of course." He continued. "She needs to make the right choices Rachel, because if you get hurt in any way or your siblings do. You will be taken away again."

Rachel stopped walking. "What?"

She was grateful that he was talking to her like an adult, but this was news to her. "Don't you see, Rachel. Your mom can't let bad things happen to you. If the police found out about something, they would take you kids away."

"Really?" she asked quietly.

He gave her a playful nudge. "Would I lie to you?"

She smiled as they returned out to the field. "No," she admitted. "And I appreciate that. No one talks to me like you do. You don't treat me like a kid."

He laughed as they walked to the bleachers. "And I never will." He smiled. "I'm here for you, Rachel. Always"

She smiled. "Thanks. I have to go back. I'm sure my twenty minutes are up."

"Good plan," he smiled. "See you next week for lessons!"

She waved and pulled the puppy with her. "Bye."

**Alright everyone, 38-pages in Word and 15,000+ I hope this chapter tides you over until I finish the next Changes chapter. Don't worry, I hoping but no promises that the next one will be up in a week**. **Please review.**


	20. Chapter 20

Fangirl44 – Finn and Whitney are not to be trusted! Poor Shelby – she has a tough road ahead of her. Thank you for reviewing my story.

Gleeauthor11 – Thank you so much for your review too! I am glad you are spreading my story!

Random Dice – Spike - Thank you for reviewing. Sorry the story is stirring up painful memories for you. I appreciate you reading even though this was painful for you.

Renata – I am sorry to hear that your cousin was bullied but I am happy that she is in a new school. Unfortunately even here in the States there are some teachers that let this behavior continue. Never apologize for the length of your reviews – I love any reviews! I hope this update was in time for your Birthday but if not Happy Birthday!

TieMeDownToYourSoul – Quinn has been through a whole lot and she is unfortunately going to continue to have flashbacks that are heartwrenching. Well Finn is not going to die anytime soon but I think if the kids band together they will give Finn what he deserves. Thank you for loving my story and reviewing. Reviews make me very happy and keep me going.

internationalgleek786 – Thank you so much for reviewing. These chapters are a bit intense to write and I like to get it right before posting. I am happy that you enjoy my other stories as well.

amandaes417 – Thank you so much not only for the review but also your kind words for the effort that I put into each chapter. It is not easy writing those scenes and I always hope I get it right – everyone has been through so much it has to be done correctly.

SparkleInTheSun – Thanks for the review – sometimes the length of the chapters surprise even me. Thank you for continuing to read. Mr. Schue may get creepier though

RainbowGleek – Thank you for the review – there are a couple more peaks and valleys for these kids but things are going to get better soon. Shelby is strong and so is her support so the kids will find the right way.

M4A3E8 76W – Shanking Russell in prison would be too nice to him! The administrators have not seen the last of Shelby that is for sure. Thank you for reviewing.

SuzQQ – I think you will continue to like Bear and Joey – they are able to step back and view with a little more objectivity than Shelby but they help Shelby and the kids tremendously. San and Quinn will continue to grow I promise. Rachel sometimes has to learn from her mistakes but she has a lot of support so … Thank you for your review as always.

Tcathing – Thank you for your review. Brittany is wonderful but San has to let her allow herself to let Brittany be wonderful. Rachel will be starting back to therapy soon. Shelby will see that she is remembering more so it essential for her to grow.

hersheysforever – Holy heck I really loved your review! Thank you!

piecesofyourheart – oh no, I have upset you – hold the torture until we sort everything out and then I wont stop you from doing to any of the nasty people in this story. Thank you for being so passionate while reading my story. I loved the review.

Gleek1990 – Shelby is going to let several of the school board remember her name before she is finished. They won't know what hit them. Santana and Quinn will continue to bond but they may still have their rough patches. Thanks for the review.

sillystarshine – I am sorry I depressed you so much with this chapter. It is tough to read and I understand why people may just want to skim through the rough parts. They are needed though so everyone can get an idea of where these kids come from and why they are like they are – thanks for the review.

anyonebutpatrick – you are right when you said it was the tip of the iceberg. You are very good at reading the subtle things in the story. Not sure about the other geeks making an appearance – we will see – Thank you for your lengthy review I enjoyed it!

Bueller – Quinn and Santana bonding will continue but it will be slow – these tough girls can't change overnight. Thanks for reviewing.

marinka4 – People will get better I promise. But it may not be too quickly because that wouldn't be realistic. Thank you for sticking with the story and your review.

btvscharmedgirl – Well you are correct - Will is an ass. Thanks for reviewing

ArmyOfWuh – Thank you for your kind words. The flashbacks reveal only some of what happened to these kids. More and more will come out for everyone – Quinn's father is still in prison and hasn't been tried yet so her situation will come to light more and it is sure to stir up memories with the other kids.

Elphaba Tropp Menzel – Not a Schuester fan I see – thanks for reviewing.

Ryoko05 – You'll have to see if Kurt talks to one of the Corcoran kids – the problem is they are all grounded so he has limited access to talking with them. Thanks for the review.

Stacey – hold on he may get creepier. Thanks for reviewing!

OTHangels – I loved your review! Thank you

Rogue-Z – You have to see what happens – remember though there many peaks and valleys to this story so I hope you will ride the wave with me. Thanks for the review.

Ajunebuga – we shall see but it sure was a crappy comment to make to poor Rachel – Thanks for reviewing!

FacingFuture – you are right – Shelby needs to have actually 4 sex talks. One together and 3 separate because they all look at sex completely differently. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes. The school has not heard the last from Shelby Corcoran – trust me. And who doesn't love a strong Brittany! We shall see what will happen to Shitney and Finn! Thank you for taking the time to review.

dreamchaser888 – Thank you for your thoughtful and kind words. They will continue to grow as a family. The kids may be a little messed up but they will learn from it – I promise you.

Kimberlli – I am so happy that you love this story. I try so hard to make sure that I get the right emotions and support so my readers can feel what these characters are going through or went through – thank you for reviewing.

Stepheyy – I am sorry that this story is hitting so close to home for you. Shelby is strong – but please remember that in the end this is a story and things can happen much differently in fiction. Real life is much tougher – I hope that your Godchildren get the support, love and encouragement that every child needs and deserves to grow in this world. I also hope that your cousin too find their way. Thank you for reviewing the story.

w1cked- Thank you for your beautiful words. Please don't get in trouble for reading this while at work! I am glad you liked it. The flashbacks are pretty tough but you need to know where the characters come from and how they became who they are today. Thank you for reviewing I hope to not disappoint you.

LebaneseForNayaRivera – Well if you love angst – then you will probably love the upcoming chapters because as much as they are starting to heal there is still so much more that they need to do before healing completely. Shitney and Finn will not be killed but hopefully they learn from their indiscretions as well. Thank you for reviewing!

hpfan96 – I am honored by your words! Thank you for reviewing my story. Reviews keep me on my toes and let me know there a people out there that really want to read my story.

NayaFan – Wow – thank you NayaFan! I do enjoy writing this story but when I get reviews – it makes it more worthwhile. But when I get reviews like yours it really makes my day! You are correct about the girls having a warped sense of sex that Shelby is going to have to address with the both of them. When I get reviews from fellow writers I am especially honored because I know that you know what kind of work it takes to put out a story. I am always enjoy reading yours! Keep up the great work.

NinjaGleek21 – put down the lighter – you can't light Mr. Schue on fire just yet please. And thank you for the review and the cookie!

broadwaybound2016 – I hate to see begging - I promise you I get this out as fast as I can put it together and type it. As always though – thank you so much for your review – they make me smile.

TommyH – Thank you for reviewing

val-cb – I aim to please ! Thank you for enjoying my story and reviewing every chapter. I hope to continue to please you!

dragonrider94 – I feel that I should take the time to acknowledge my reviewers – you took time to review my story and let me know how you feel. Without that – I am not sure that I am getting things right. My reviewers like you are a very important part of this story. You keep me on my toes. So thank you! The flashbacks were graphic but what happened to these girls is graphic as well so I like my readers to get into the girls heads and feel a little bit of what they felt

Hail the Wolves – Genius? Please – thank you but wow! I am so honored that you allow me to share it with you. Thank you!

rippedjeans – Thank you for liking my story. It is pretty deep and I hope I do it justice. Thank you for the review.

HIsland429 – The girls will learn more and more about each other and learn from each other. Britt and San will talk eventually but San has been through a lot and is dealing with a lot of issues so it may be slow but that is what how it may have to go to last. Thank you for the review. Keep them coming!

…...

Bear watched with a frown as the curly haired man waved at his youngest niece. He gave a nod in Will's direction. The teacher gave a smile and wave to him also. He frowned and nodded in his direction.

"Who's that, bug?" he asked pulling the tiny girl to his side.

She leaned her head against his side. "Just Mr. Schuester."

Suddenly a sea of players ran past them along the sidelines. They were following an intense play. Noah had taken the opening kickoff and was racing down the sideline eluding tacklers and driving for the endzone.

Bear took Rachel's hand and took her down the sidelines. "Noah, go! Go!"

The announcer's voice echoed around the Titan's stadium. "Corcoran has only the kicker to beat. He's at the 40, the 30, the 20, the 10 - TOUCHDOWN!

Rachel picked up the puppy pug and tried her best to keep up with her uncle.

"Yes!" Bear screamed. He picked Rachel up. "Touchdown! Touchdown!"

Rachel let out a little scream. "Bear, I hurt."

"Sorry, bug," he said with a grimace. He knelt down. "So you want to tell me what happened?"

"Not really." She met his gaze. "Oh. That was a rhetorical question, wasn't it?"

He gave her a look with a tilt of his head. She sighed.

…...

Joanne looked down at her phone. She received a text from her guy. She smiled. "Bear has Rach," she said as she texted him back.

Shelby followed her sister's gaze. She had been semi-frantically looking around the crowded bleachers trying to decide if she should go look for her. Then Noah scored a touchdown and she was distracted. She was worried about her baby girl. She reconsidered; she was worried for all of them.

"She'll be fine," Joanne said as she put her phone back in her pocket. "They all will be."

Shelby shook her head. "San thinks sex is meaningless, Joey." she looked at her older sister. "What... How am I supposed to..." She trailed off. "I don't want to know how many meaningless times she's been with someone..."

"Shelby," Joanne said taking her sister's hand. "I know you don't want to think about this, but that's the way that San can protect herself."

"Joey, I know that," Shelby snapped as she pulled her hand away. "You think that I don't know that? I should have seen what she was doing. We caught her and Noah at that party last spring.-"

"Shelby, how many parties did you and I sneak off to," Joey asked with an arch of her brow.

"You're my sister. You're supposed to make me feel better here. Remembering how much trouble you and I got into in our youth is not helping me process any of this information." Shelby shook her head. "Coach told me there are recruiters here. I've thought about his future for so long..." Shelby shook her head again. "I'm worried for him."

"Both my kids have left the nest. One's graduated from college and the other one is in his sophomore year and I still pray I don't hear that he's done something stupid. It never ends Shelby. You just have to give them their space. That's why I got a puppy." She laughed but then her smile faded when she saw her younger sister thinking thoughtfully.

Shelby chewed the inside of her lip. "You know it's different," she said quietly. Her voice almost drowned out by yet another good play by the McKinley Titans. She met her sisters eyes. "I'm not saying that you don't worry about your children and it's not legitimate, but …. right now... my heart is in my chest. I don't know where they'll be if they're already thinking so little of themselves."

Joanne looked at her younger sister. "Of course they're different from the average kid, but they know that more than anyone." She locked eyes with her sister. "They don't need their own mother looking at them like that too."

Shelby shook her head and looked at Joanne. "I don't know what to say. I don't know where to begin. I'm a freaking trauma psychologist, but when it comes to my own children..."

"You know exactly where to begin," Joey said with a small smile. "It's simply the fact that they have a long way to go that scares you."

Shelby rolled her eyes. "You really aren't making me feel better."

"It's not my job," Joanne grinned.

"Yes, it is. You're my sister." Shelby turned back to the game. She caught a glance of all of the kids. Noah was breathlessly yelling in the huddle. Santana and Quinn where shouting out cheers and getting the crowd riled up. Rachel was leaning against Bear on the sidelines in the middle of a long rant. That man could always make Rachel talk.

"Well, when we were little my job as your sister was telling you which crayon to eat," Joanne laughed. "Maybe you should interview for a new sister."

She shook her head. "I'll do that."

"Shelby," a voice said from beside her. She tried to ignore it. People tended to call out her name frequently during the game. She was here to watch her son not to talk to some washed up Lima Loser.

"Shelby?"

Her sister nudged her. "Shelby, someone is talking to you."

She scowled at Joey and then looked over her shoulder. Soft eyes and dimples, she thought to herself. She searched her mind. She was great with names. She was awesome with names. She knew peoples names. Then why could she only think of soft eyes and dimples.

"Hi," he said awkwardly. "Gus Baker."

Shelby nodded. "Right," she blinked with embarrassment. "Gus Baker."

He grinned. Shelby smiled back. She watched him lean slightly to the side to look at Joanne. "Hi Jo," he said with a grin.

"Staying out of trouble, inspector?" Joanne asked.

"Naw," he laughed. "Just causing it. Same as you I've heard."

She laughed. "Always."

"You know each other." Shelby said with a mixture of question and realization. Of course they knew each other.

"We've worked on a few things here and there," Joanne laughed. "Gus and Bear know each other better. They have poker night together."

"Poker night?" Shelby asked with an arch of her brow. The man nodded. "Do you have a son on the team?"

"Not at McKinley. We're playing you guys. My boy's the tight end for the other team. Your son's been kicking our asses." Gus laughed. He teetered his weight from one foot to the other. Joanne stifled a laugh as Shelby couldn't help but feel like she was literally in high school again. "Are you free this weekend?"

Shelby laughed. and then received an elbow from Joanne. "No, my kids are grounded. Massively."

Gus grinned as his eyes widened.

"Too bad. Mine are with my ex. Maybe when they're not grounded.-"

"They wont be," Shelby said. "For a very long time."

"She'll meet you for coffee at the Lima bean on Sunday."

"Excuse me?" Shelby asked looking at her sister with a glare.

"Gus, she'll be there. 1pm," Joey said.

"Jo!" Shelby hissed.

"See you later, Gus," Joanne said with a dismissive look.

They watched the man retreat.

"You're an asshole," Shelby said. "Firstly, worst timing ever. Secondly, Quinn has her first visit with her mom at 12:30pm on Sunday."

"And with visits, you drop off and go back to pick them up," Joanne said. "I'm sure the case manager has it covered. You're going. He likes you. So suck it up. I'll stay and watch the trolls."

"They're all bigger than you," Shelby said with a glare.

"Not Bug," Joanne reminded. "Plus, I can take 'em. You're going. Also, after your riveting sex talks, I'm sure they'll need a dose of me. I'm more fun."

"You're something alright." Shelby laughed, but she couldn't help but wonder if she was making a mistake.

…...

Noah looked at the stands. His mother and aunt were in deep conversation. Santana and Quinn were talking with a group of girls on the squad who all seemed to stare at them with respect. Cheerleaders.

"Alright," he said to the huddle. "We are down to 25 seconds and a field goal is not going to win this game - only a touchdown. Sam, it's up to you. We are going to try the play we have worked on all week. Don't fuck it up. Hike on three."

Noah leaned into the line. He knew that this wasn't the last game he was going to play. He knew that it didn't really matter for the championships if they won this game; the season had a long way to go. However, he needed to win this for him. He needed to win this to prove that he didn't suck completely. And most importantly, he needed to run. They lined up for the final play of the game. Sam as quarterback, Noah as running back, however, instead of the ball being hiked to Sam, Noah took the direct snap and started running crushing any of the would be tacklers in his way. Noah ran the final 10 yards dragging two lineman hanging on to his ankles trying to drag him down. Noah did not even stop when he got in the end zone. He was in such a zone that he kept running directly into the locker room.

The crowd roared. Another victory for the Titans. Just what he needed. The team pulled him back out and onto their shoulders. They chanted his name in excitement. He looked around him. Noah shook his head, because as his team screamed in excitement, as the cheerleaders jumped for joy, as the crowd in the stands erupted with delight in the win, Noah spotted his youngest sister kneeling on the ground playing quietly with the dog. She could care less. He frowned and he could see from her face, even though she almost disappeared in the crowd, that she was lost in that moment. He had run play after play and even scored. However, the first person he looked for didn't care. In all honesty it didn't matter to him either. He felt worst in that moment. Surrounded by happy people, all Noah could see was the lingering frightened look in Rachel's eyes from the sideline, the same one that he put there that morning.

…..

The crowded thinned out. To say that the kids looked exhausted was an understatement. They had had no sleep. Noah had played a game; the girls cheered and performed an elaborate halftime show. And Rachel had just been tired; her exhaustion from the day from school, to nightmares and especially all of those things that marinated in the back of her mind kept her silent and her eyes heavy. The kids looked at Shelby waiting for the next move. They hadn't seen her since the morning when she dropped them off. Joanne and Bear seemed to just soak in the awkwardness.

"Congrats!" Mike said coming up behind the family.

Noah turned. "Hey," he smiled.

"Hi Mike," Santana said as Quinn gave a nod.

"Your routine during halftime was pretty awesome," Sam smiled at the girls, but mostly at Quinn.

Santana narrowed her eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be huddling in the locker room discussing how not to suck in the second half?"

Sam shrugged. "Maybe..." He seemed to have forgotten the entire family was watching him because he kept sneaking glances at Quinn. He had asked Puck why Quinn was living with them and he got a gruff and non descriptive answer. "Because she is," the senior had said. "And it's none of your business," he told him gruffly.

"You ran a good game tonight," Quinn nodded.

"Thanks," Sam said. "It was mostly Puck."

He shook his head staring at the ground.

Santana smiled. "I told you that Beiste would put you in!" She rolled her eyes with a laugh. "I may have put in a good word for you."

Quinn nodded. "You're the best quarterback."

The brunette scoffed. "Unquestionably. That ogre giant is a waste of space."

"Santana!" Joey and Shelby hissed.

Quinn nodded and stared at the ground. Santana simply shrugged as if her statement was a universal fact.

"Coming to the party?" Sam asked with an awkward degree of bashfulness.

Santana's eyes darted to her mother and then back to her friends. "Uh..."

"Nope," Shelby said. "You played a good game, Sam. You should be proud. I assume your parents will be at this party."

Sam straightened and Mike followed suit. It was as if they had just remembered that Shelby was standing there. Her rare 'cool-parent' status allowed her to blend in with them so frequently that Sam and Mike tended to have a frequent occurrence of verbal vomit when she was around. "Yeah, totally," Mike replied in an attempt to recover.

Shelby gave them a grimace. "Wonderful. They'll see you on Monday, boys."

The two of them gave a few weak waves and headed into the direction of the locker room.

"Hi, I'm Aunt Joanne and this is Uncle Bear," Joanne said after the boys left.

Quinn stared at the outstretched hand for a moment before she took it. She gave a weak squeeze. "Nice to meet you," she said quietly.

A blanket of awkward fell on them. Quinn was too tired to be rude and was also attempting to make a good first impression.

"Let's get out of here."

Shelby ushered the kids to the Range Rover. "We're over there," Joanne said as she pointed over her shoulder.

"Oh, alright," Shelby said as she shuffled in the back of the Range Rover as Noah, Quinn and Santana climbed into the car. Shelby handed a duffel to Bear. "Her neb is in there just in case. I don't know if she'll need it." Shelby leaned down and hugged Rachel. "Bye, my baby bug. See you tomorrow for dinner." She cupped her face. "We'll talk more about today tomorrow. You have fun, okay?"

Rachel gripped on the leash around her fist and hugged her mother. She gave a tired nod.

"Wait, what's going on?" Santana asked as she rounded the car.

"Your sister asked to stay with your aunt and uncle tonight," Shelby said. "She'll come back with us tomorrow."

Shelby unconsciously stroked Rachel's cheek.

"Wait, what?" Santana asked. "I want to go. That's not fair."

She met her mother's questioning gaze. The gaze then turned into one that meant no-nonsense. Shelby kissed the top of Rachel's head. "Say goodnight to your sister."

"Night, San," Rachel said quietly as she still held Charlie's leash in her hand. She waved quietly to Quinn and tried to get her brother's attention but he wasn't looking.

"Night, bugs," Santana said as she combed her hand through her hair.

"See you tomorrow for dinner," Joanne said as Santana climbed back into the car.

Shelby gave a deep breath and an exhausted grimace. "I love you, sweetheart," she called out to Rachel who was walking Charlie while leaning tiredly into Bear.

"I love you too," she said quietly over her shoulder. Shelby could tell that she was still angry. Tired, yes, but still unquestioningly angry.

"You didn't even say goodbye to her," Santana said with a huff as she turned to her brother.

"I said enough earlier," Noah mumbled from the back seat.

Santana turned and looked at her mother. "Mom, I don't understand why Rach is staying with them."

Shelby began the drive home. "Well for one, she asked to. And two." Shelby paused and met the eyes of everyone in the car. "We have some things to talk about tomorrow morning that I didn't want Rachel around for."

The mother watched from her periphery as Santana sunk into the passenger seat. She could see realization in her daughter's brow.

"And three," Shelby continued despite her daughter's silence. "You're all grounded and Rachel isn't."

"And why is that?" Quinn asked from the back. She recovered. "I mean...Hasn't she done something too... to be grounded... I dont know..."

"No, she hasn't," Shelby said. "She had a rough day today."

"What do you mean?" Santana asked sitting up in her seat.

"Never mind. You're all grounded," Shelby said again. "Santana and Quinn you're still grounded for your behavior awhile back. Santana, you're grounding has been extended for a series of reasons. Namely the comment you made to me last night as well as the fact that you covered for your brother's indiscretions. Quinn, your dodgeball incident has prolonged your state of grounding. Noah, do I need to go into the specifics of last night for your grounding?"

"No," he mumbled from the back.

"When we get home, straight to bed. I'm tired. You're tired, which makes me extra tired. But get a good night's rest. We're starting early tomorrow morning."

Santana sunk further into her seat and glanced over. Her mother had her game face on. Fuck, she thought. tomorrow was going to suck and she didn't even know what they were doing.

…..

Bear sat at his computer in the study. He could hear his wife talking quietly to Rachel, trying to get her to sleep. He shouldn't do this, but he couldn't help himself. He had a feeling. He opened up the database he used at the station. He tapped his fingers on the keyboard as he debated. He began his analysis. He had two sons; he knew that boys were abused also, but San and Rach had a special place in his heart. He frowned as he realized that it was separate from that of his sons because of the innocence that had been stolen from them. Innocence eventually always departs, but not in that way. What had happened to them invoked such an indescribable rage that he always found himself staring at this database in trepidation before he did an extensive background on every teacher and other adult they came in contact with. He hadn't stared at the computer since he did the background on the Fabrays a couple weeks before. As the chief of police, he hadn't known about the Fabrays or all of the specifics of the case. Because of the clarity of hindsight he saw the signs, but he wish they had acted sooner.

Amidst the decor, the alcohol, and the holiday cheer, he remembered meeting the Fabray's at a Christmas party a few years ago and the look in Quinn's eyes made him pause because it mirrored Rachel's look after a bad dream. It stuck with him. His gut had been right, but it had taken a few years to pull her out of that house. He hadn't even realized how much of a necessity it was until after the damage had been done. However, he couldn't do anything legally based singularly determined by his gut, but he couldn't name a time when his gut had been wrong. He needed his gut to be wrong this time. He didn't want his baby sister-in-law's childhood friend to be the person his gut was telling him he was.

"What are you doing?" a voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked over his shoulder.

He combed his hand through his hair and wrapped his arms around his wife pulling her into his lap. "Nothing."

"Liar," she smiled as she pulled him into a kiss. "Who are you going all FBI on now?"

He laughed. "No one. Now where are my kisses."

"Being held hostage," Joey said sitting up. "What are you doing?"

"Just... being … forget it," he said.

"Are you sure you're the chief of police?" Joey laughed. "I'm pretty sure the job requires you to have a better game face than that."

Bear sighed. He loosed his arms around her waist. "I just... Something's off about that Schuester guy."

"Poodle-head?" Joanne cackled. "He's harmless. He was a weirdo in high school and he's a weirdo now. I know that most people grow out of that phase, but I think he just... He's just weird. I don't think he would hurt anyone." She searched her husband's eyes and nodded upon seeing her husband's concern. "You think he would." She nodded as she received confirmation for her suspicion in her husband's sheepish response. "Really? Will Schuester? Shelby told me Rach is taking lessons from him but …. I think you're over reacting."

He frowned. "Name a time when I've been wrong."

Joanne put her hands up. "You will not let me live that down. I'm sorry, Lawrence if I can't see the bad in people. You were right about Santana's middle school's coach being creepy. However, she never knew anything about it. You had him fired and in jail before Santana even got to that middle school."

"Well it was my first niece going to middle school," Bear said. "I did an extra check on everyone." He looked at her. "Listen, I know you know him from your time here in Lima, but there's something about him, Jo."

"He wouldn't be working in the school if he had a record, Bear," she said.

"There's something about him, Joey. You gotta admit it," he pushed.

His wife stood up and kissed him softly. "If this matters so much to you, do it. But instead of filtering through everyone the kids come in contact with, maybe we should talk to the kids about what to look for." She sighed. "Either way, can you start this crusade tomorrow? I would like to get my snuggles on before Rachel decides to crawl into our bed."

Bear laughed. "She's sleeping with us?"

"Shelby said she's been having nightmares plus she rarely stays here alone. I'm sure she'll get freaked. So get your paranoid stalker self on and then come upstairs."

Joey stood and gave her husband a grin that only twenty-six years of marriage could produce. He sighed as he watched her disappear.

He tapped his fingers on the key board. Should he? Did he misplace his suspicion? Was he being over protective? He frowned. He had to be, he realized. There was no other option. He sighed and typed the name into the database.

Nothing.

Nada.

Nothing on a William Schuester.

The man didn't even having a parking ticket.

He narrowed his eyes as he starred at the computer screen. That didn't mean he was innocent, it may simply mean that he hadn't been caught. He shut his computer with a thoughtful gaze. He would talk to him the next day. Curiosity didn't sleep easy. He chuckled; he probably wouldn't either. Rachel kicked.

Bear turned off the lights and locked up the house. He made his way up the stairs and stopped outside the kids' door. It was the room Rachel and Santana stayed in while they were over. He could hear the television still playing in the background. He opened the door quietly to shut it off. Once the television was off and only the dim light near the bed remained on he turned to sneak out of the room. He paused.

Rachel was curled up around the sleeping pug. He looked over and noticed that she was frowning. He bit his lip. Should he leave her or should he stay? She's eleven years old. She wasn't awake. She was just frowning. He nodded, people frown when they sleep. He walked over to her careful not to wake the yap-monster his wife called "her darling" and kissed his youngest niece on the forehead. Her frown smoothed slightly. He breathed a sigh of relief. Okay, he thought now sneak out quietly before she wakes up.

…..

Santana spit the toothpaste into the sink and watched it swirl around. She was exhausted. She was eager to hit her comfy bed and sleep. It would feel great she thought to herself. She opened the door to her room and started to her room to her beloved bed. She paused. She forgot to open the adjoining door to Quinn's room. It was a common, subtle courtesy that Quinn started. If the door was open, neither of them had to do that awkward knocking to see if anyone was inside. She turned and reached to open the door. She noticed Quinn's light was still on. She peaked in. The blonde was sitting in her pile of blankets with her knees pulled up to her chest. She was leaning against the corner with an open book in her hand but she was gazing beyond it. Santana rolled her eyes.

"If you're going to pretend to read you should do a better job," Santana said

Quinn looked up with a weak smile. "You look like death. You should sleep."

"Thanks," Santana said narrowing her eyes. She studied the girl from the door. She could see that she was shaking slightly and her eyes indicated that she wasn't really in the moment. Santana bit her lip. This was Quinn Fabray. They weren't best friends; they certainly weren't sisters. However, there was unspoken respect; it was quiet, but it was there. Santana took a deep breath and grabbed the cards. "It's your turn to deal."

"You don't want to play cards," Quinn said looking at her as the brunette sat next to her.

"Not really, but I don't want you sitting here all night looking how you look shaking in the corner," Santana said as she shuffled the cards and avoided the blonde's eyes.

Quinn watched her. "Why are you doing this?" she asked after a few moments.

Santana straightened and looked at her thoughtfully for a moment.

"Because," she said quietly. "I know what it's like when you can't get something off of your mind ….." She trailed off. "And when that something makes you too scared to close your eyes."

Quinn frowned. She was ready to fire something defensive. "What do you know about it?"

Santana hardened her face. "Rachel gets scared a lot and can't sleep," she said quickly.

"You can't hide behind your kid sister," the blonde spat.

"You can't sleep in the corner forever," Santana fired back.

"Just deal," Quinn said unwilling to admit that she was thankful for the girl's company.

"Deal nothing," Shelby said suddenly from the door. "Was there something confusing about 'go straight to bed?' Do I need to be more clear?"

Santana set down the cards quietly. "Maybe," she mumbled.

Shelby took in the scene before her. She could see her daughter's exhaustion but she saw something else in Quinn's eyes.

"Santana, go to your room," Shelby said not breaking her gaze from Quinn who seemed to be avoiding hers.

The brunette pushed herself to her feet and walked past her mother trying to avoid her eyes. Shelby reached out and kissed her daughter lightly on the top of her head. "You're still in trouble. I love you," she said quietly.

Santana nodded. "Love you, too." And she disappeared into the room.

"What's going on?" Shelby asked.

Quinn shook her head. "Nothing."

"I'm too tired for games, Quinn, and so are you," the mother said gently. She watched the girl look at her hands. "Is this about your father?"

"No," she snapped. "You don't know anything about me. Please don't pretend to know what's going through my head."

"Well, tomorrow we're going to work together to try, but right now," Shelby said. "You need to sleep." She grabbed a blanket from the bed. She was about to drape it over the girl but then she paused. She was so stupid. "It's not that you don't want to sleep, is it? It's that you're afraid to." She watched as the words that she offered soaked in. Quinn didn't look up. Shelby couldn't see her eyes but she saw a tear coast down the girl's face. She took the blanket in her hands and draped if over the two of them as she sat next to Quinn. "What do you usually do when you can't sleep?"

Quinn shrugged. "Nothing... I can just sit here," she mumbled.

Shelby sighed, her own exhaustion was getting to her. "I'll lay with you tonight, okay?"

The blonde snapped her head up. "What? No, I don't need you to do that."

"Well, actually," Shelby said as she pulled a few pillows as well as the comforter off of the bed. "You do." She laid on the makeshift bed. She made sure that Quinn had her lamb. She took the book that the girl had been holding and set it aside and then reached to turn off lamp on the night stand. She stopped, realizing the lamp should stay on. With a slight sigh, Shelby leaned into the little nest they had created. "It's quite comfy down here," she said with a smile. Quinn stared at her with her lamb loosely in her hands. "Lay down, Quinn."

The blonde hesitated but laid down.

"Now," Shelby said as she closed her eyes. "When you wake up and you're scared, you wake me up okay?"

"I'm not going to do that," Quinn scoffed.

Shelby nodded. "You're right you don't have to, but you can, because I'll be here all night. The light will stay on. And those things that you dream about however scary or uncomprehensable. You'll open your eyes and you'll be in this nest with me, safe on the floor, with your lamb and the light on. And when you do wake up, I want you to soak all of that in and then close your eyes and go back to sleep." Shelby opened one of her eyes and caught Quinn's glance. "Got it?"

The girl leaned into the sea of pillows and blankets that felt enough like a bed to be comfortable and enough not like a bed to feel safe. "Okay," she whispered. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. They popped back open as thoughts and images began to hit her.

Shelby then began talking again; it was as if she knew her brain was a mess and she needed to focus elsewhere because the older woman began to speak again. "I'm going to tell you a story," she began quietly. "But I need your help. I'll say a sentence and then you. Okay?" Quinn turned on her side and stared at the woman with tired eyes. She folded her arm and laid her head down on it with a yawn. "Ready?"

The girl nodded and looked at the older woman with gratitude. Before she could say anything Shelby began, "Once upon a time, there was a bear named Arthur looking for an adventure and he thought he would start by renting a motorcycle."

Quinn yawned. "Arthur was going to go to the moon on this motorcycle to discover …." She paused. "This is dumb."

"Keep going," Shelby nodded with her own yawn.

By the fifth sentence, Quinn Fabray was asleep.

…...

Rachel frowned in her sleep. She unconsciously pulled the tiny pug tightly causing it to murmur slightly.

_Someone was picking her up. She was sleeping and now she was being dragged to the room. She hated the room. Her heart was beating out of her chest. She hated that room. _

_Her perspective suddenly changed. Someone was carrying her and that someone was running. A door opened with a creak and then a bang as it hit the wall on the opposite wall. She felt her eyes widen in fear. _

_Miraculously her fear was calmed and she felt safe. She felt protective arms around her. "No, noises," said the gentle voice. Noah? "Or you'll lose. It's just a game." _

_The door shut and it was dark. The gentle and safe feeling was gone. She was back to being scared. She was shaking. Where did he go? _

_The door flew open and the light was too bright to see. _

_Now she was in a dark room. She felt a big hand on her bare back. The hand was gruff and pushing her pants down and covering her whole bottom._

_Suddenly she was back in darkness. _

_Then a door flew open again. _

_Then she couldn't see. _

_Everything was dark. _

_Then she heard a sob. _

_Santana?_

_Her heart was beating so rapidly it felt like a ticking bomb. She felt an arm clamped around her upper arm. Where was she going? _

"_Come on, you little shit!" screamed a voice. _

_The door at the end of the hallway was getting closer. Why could she see the door again? Wasn't it just dark? _

_Her breaths were shaky and fast. What was going to happen? It was getting closer. She was practically there. What was going to happen?_

_Her heart stopped beating at its intense pace as she was dragged into the dread room. The door sprung open._

Her eyes shot open and she felt like she had landed from a fall. It was as if she had been falling through the air in her dream... She squeezed the puppy tighter, but she hadn't been falling...

She pushed the blankets down the bed and sat up. Her heart was still beating in an out of control tempo and she realized as she stood with the puppy in her arms, she was shaking.

…...

"Did you check him out?" Joey asked as she put lotion on her face. "Find any stuff on the creeper-base?"

Bear scoffed as he folded the heavy comforter on top of him. "No," he said. "Don't rub it in."

Joey rolled her eyes. "That you didn't find out that my sister's weirdo friend was a child molester. Yeah," she said with a frowned. "I don't think that's something you 'rub in.'"

"Whatever," he mumbled. "I think you have some kisses of mine."

She smiled as she reached over and climbed on top of him straddling his strong upper body. "You're going to have to come over here and get 'em."

He leaned in and captured her lips.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Bear practically pushed his wife off of him and caught her, but not before she hit her head on the headboard.

"Bug," he said sitting up straight. Joey glared at him; he was wearing the same look he wore when Rachel caught him hiding Easter eggs in the backyard five years ago. "What's up?"

"Charlie needs to go out," she muttered.

Joey looked at the pug. "Charlie is sleeping, Rach. What's up?"

"Ihadabaddream," she said after a few beats. "It's okay... nevermind..."

"You wanna sleep in here with us?" Bear asked with a practically eager tone.

She shook her head. "I'm not a baby."

"We know you're not," Joanne said. "It's okay to have bad dreams." She looked at her husband. "He had one last night. Come over here and tell me about it. You can even bring Charlie." She tried not to see her husband's look of disbelief and she moved the comforter aside so that her niece could crawl in. "Come here, munchkin."

…...

Noah opened his eyes.

"Get up, Noah," Shelby said. "Come one, bud, wake up."

He closed his eyes again. "Mom, we really don't have to do this," he groaned.

"Sit up, Noah. We do and we are."

He groaned and rubbed his eyes as he sat up. He didn't need to open his eyes to know his mother was shaking her head. "I know you're disappointed in me," he said. "I know. It just... It happened. And for your information. I broke up with her. I know you never liked her. Don't pretend that you didn't."

Shelby arched her brow. "Where to begin, Noah? Yes, I may not have thought she was the best fit for you but you thought she was fit enough for sex."

"Gah, Mom, can we not? Sex talks at," he looked at his clock. "7:30! Jesus!"

"Noah!" she scolded.

"Sex isn't something to throw around," she began.

He looked at her tiredly. "You're just saying that because of what happened to the girls."

"Noah, don't you dare," she snapped.

He put up his hands. "I didn't mean it like that..." he said more gently. "What I mean is …. It's different for a guy. Yeah, it's ….. special... but in a lot of ways it isn't. I can't explain it to you."

"Well figure out a way to," Shelby said quickly. "You may think it's physical, but it's not. It's so much more than that, despite what the media says. It's an offering of vulnerability."

Noah put his head in his hands. "Please, Mom," he groaned. "I don't want to talk to you about my vulnerability at 7:30am!"

"Suck it up," she said. "Fine. We will be talking more about your behavior. Firstly, you will clean this pig sty you call a room until it's spotless. Get excited, I rented the carpet cleaner. You and the girls are not only doing your rooms but the whole house. Windows, bathrooms, the works. And when that's finished you're writing reports."

"Mom," he groaned into his hands from his unchanged position.

"Your report young man will be the importance of safe sex and the hazards of vehicular sex."

He looked up. "Are you kidding?"

"Do I look like I'm kidding? 5,000 words by dinner. Happy birthday, Noah."

…...

Santana felt a hand combing through her hair. She moaned in frustration. Damn it, morning did come.

"Mom," she said without opening her eyes.

"Santana," her mother replied. "Get up."

"I don't understand why I'm getting a lecture just because of what I said." She said with her eyes still closed as she leaned against the headboard.

"I know that can't possibly be true," Shelby replied.

"Is it because I triggered Quinn?" Her mother's lack of immediate answer forced her to realize that her mother might not have thought of that yet.

"No," Shelby said finally. "How many boys have you slept with?"

Santana's eyes flew open. She looked at her mother and then looked at her clock. "This is how we're starting this conversation? With that? Seriously?"

"Yup," Shelby said popping the 'p.'

Santana shook her head in disbelief. "You're joking? Please tell me you're joking."

"Answer the question."

Santana stared at her mother. If she was smart she would have known this was coming. She could have had an answer, and a plan. She felt a stinging in her eyes and a lump in her throat. This wasn't a plan, this wasn't even intentional, but it would do.

Shelby watched her daughter crumble, literally, crumble. Her shoulders sagged and she sunk into herself. There was no grace or control. It was just a loss.

"Please don't make me tell you," Santana sobbed.

Shelby forced herself to stand her ground. She refrained from pulling her into a hug. She needed to know.

"Santana," Shelby said.

Santana never thought she would share this part of her with her mother. She never thought her mother would ask, but here she was asking at seven thirty in the morning. Santana's hair was a mess and her eyes were exhausted. The ability to put on a game face wasn't even an available option. And crying wasn't even a choice. It was simply happening. It was as if her body felt cornered and her mind and heart were frozen in panicked fear. Her tears and exhausted heaves were all she had to offer, they were all she could summon.

"Santana," Shelby said again. "We're talking about this. Not just now but many times after this. So right now this panic that I know you're feeling because I know you, you best be letting it out, young lady, because these discussions won't end today. We're in for the long haul, sweetheart." She leaned down and met her daughter's tired eyes. "So right now, I'm going to let you sit here and cry. You're going to take a breath, calm down and then start cleaning your room. Bathrooms, windows and carpets will be done today. You'll also be writing a 5,000 word essay whose topic I have yet to decide. You're one of the smartest people I know, Taz. I love you and you deserve something so much more than what you think you do and you most certainly don't deserve anything meaningless. So go ahead and cry, honey, but you will be answering my question today."

Shelby stood as steadily as she could and kissed her daughter on the forehead. "I love you."

She walked away from Santana as the girl sobbed harder in her bed as she tried to coax her own tears back in and the urge to hug her daughter. Santana needed to cry it out. She was here for her, but she needed to see that it wasn't okay. She would hug her. She would assure her, just not yet.

Shelby took a deep breath and made her way back into the blonde's room. Quinn was still curled up on the floor. Her body was exhausted. However, this conversation couldn't be avoided with any of them, despite how uncomfortable.

"Quinn," she said softly as she sat next to her. "Quinn?"

The blonde jumped awake and sat up. "Um, hi," she said quietly.

"We need to talk, Quinn," Shelby said carefully.

"About the ...events of last evening... or that I beat up eleven year olds?"

Shelby arched a brow. Do not smile. do not give her the upper hand, she coached herself. "Both." She took a deep breath. "I don't know all that happened to you but I know generally what happened."

Quinn lowered her head. "Too many people know what 'generally' happened." She said the word with a strange mixture of venom and despair. "Do you know what it's like for people to know that about you? To try to speculate you at your most vulnerable moments?" She shook her head. "Nevermind." She looked up. "Listen you don't have to talk to me about... being safe... or …. whatever because I never will... do it …. not ever again. Not after..." she wrung out her hands. "I've made mistakes." Shelby frowned. "I trusted the wrong people." She shook her head. It was early she was rambling. "All I'm saying... is that you don't need to talk to me about it because... for the rest of my life I would be okay without it..." She met Shelby's eyes. "Please tell me what to do." The mother looked at her. "I'm in trouble right? So please...yell at me... Do something."

Her speech with her other children suddenly seemed not as hard. Stay strong, Shelby scolded herself. "5,000 words," she said quickly. "We're going to do the bathrooms, carpets and windows... and wash the linens." Shelby searched Quinn's eyes. 'I've made mistakes,' the girl's voice echoed in her head. Shelby frowned; it was never Quinn's mistake. She suddenly felt her stomach drop. Was it that she blamed herself for Russell or in her guilt over the circumstances of her situation she made choices to mask her self-loathing? She had seen too many cases to not know the answer, but when the girl was living in your house instead of a patient you see once a week, it was different. It just felt different.

"Sure," Quinn said standing up quickly. "I'll get started on that. Do you want me to clean Rachel's room too?"

The girl's immediate response and obvious need to please made Shelby hesitate. She knew she needed to treat Quinn like the others, but it was clearer, now more than ever that she needed greater attention.

"Quinn," Shelby said gently. "I'm sorry for what happened to you but I promise that it will get better and I will be here every step of the way."

The girl froze. "I don't need you to be sorry for me," she said quickly.

"I'm not sorry for you," Shelby clarified. "I'm sorry about what happened."

"Well, right now, I can't see the difference," the girl suddenly glared. "And quite honestly, I don't think you do either, especially in how you all look at and act toward Rachel. She's not broken." Quinn straightened. "And neither am I."

"Well, I don't feel sorry for you, Quinn. I do not pity you. Not in the least. So the answer is yes, we need to do Rachel's room too. Like yours, it's spotless..." She sighed and watched the girl start out of the room. "This conversation isn't over Quinn. We will talk more throughout the day and for a long time after this."

The girl didn't turn. "Sure we will."

And without a word she walked out of the room, hoping to conceal her tears.

…...

The phone rang and Joey groaned. Maybe she could ignore it and it would know to shut up. It rang again. She groaned. She opened her eyes and Rachel was curled into her and her husband had his arm draped around them both. Joey frowned. She liked her nest this better be good.

She extracted herself and picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey," Shelby said from the other end. "Did Rachel sleep?"

Joey rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and she still is and so was I," she hissed quietly as she watched Rachel stir and turn to curl into Bear.

"Really?" Joey could hear the frown from the other end. Joey huffed and crawled out of the bed and went into the hallway.

"Fine, she had one nightmare," she said once the door was closed.

"About?" Shelby said urgently.

"I don't know, Shel. She and I were both too busy sleeping to talk about it. She slept with Bear and I." She heard her sister sigh on the other end. "Things going that badly?"

Shelby sighed. "Well, check in with her please," she replied, clearly avoiding the question.

"I will," Joanne said tiredly. "Always do." She paused. "Are you okay?"

"What do you think?" she spat. She took a deep breath. "Just...I am worried about Rach. I need to know she's okay."

She gathered her words. Finally, she said, "They'll all be fine."

"I don't need a pep talk right now, I need to know if my daughter is okay."

"Hey no need to be snappy. We'll take good care of you. Why don't we go out for dinner tonight okay? you're clearly just going to burn everything. You shouldn't cook."

"Whatever, Jo," she replied. "Call me if anything comes up."

"Take a breath. You've got this," Joanne said carefully. "We'll get through this."

For some reason, Shelby didn't feel better, not in the least.

…...

"Good game yesterday," Santana said as she scrubbed the rim of the toilet with a gag. "So much better once that giraffe was kicked out of the game. I think I freaked him out."

Quinn paused from scrubbing the bathtub... "What?"

"Nothing," Santana said shaking her head. "Sam's a better player. I've been talking to Beiste about him forever. His arm accuracy is so much better than Finn's. He knows the plays better and can execute them much better than the giant idiot. The team rallied around him today because he is so poised in the pocket." She saw Quinn's puzzled look. "My uncle loves the game. Noah and I grew up on it. Even Rachel knows about football. However, she'll pretend she doesn't."

Quinn nodded. "Whatever," she said. "I mean Finn can do whatever he wants, but I agree Sam is a better player, but I didn't have all of the ...uh … technical knowledge you have." She shook her head. "But if I know him he's throwing a hissy right now. And if you're the one who threw him off of his game he's going to let you know on Monday."

Santana cackled. "Finn Hudson? That boy may be a ginormous senior but I can take him with my eyes closed. He has nothing on me. Don't worry about me. He should be worried if he tries to mess with you."

Quinn stiffened. "I don't need you sticking up for me, Santana," she said seriously. "I never have. I'm the head cheerleader. You're not even my co-captain. I'm still above you."

Santana looked at her with a frown. She arched her brow an stifled a yawn. "Are you really pulling rank on me right now?" She shook her head. "I'm not the one who should be preaching about letting people be their friends, but ….. " She locked eyes with the blonde. "I see the way you are around him. I dont question it. I haven't asked you a damn thing about it. I've seen it since last year. Don't you dare pretend that he doesn't bother you. Yeah, you might not have been my favorite person before, but we share a damn bathroom and I'm pretty sure you ate my Cinnamon Toast Crunch yesterday, but you're here, Quinn. I'm not defending you for kicks. I just... am..."

The blonde narrowed her eyes. "I never asked you to do anything for me. I don't want you to."

"Well," Santana said. "Tough shit."

"Girls, enough talking, more scrubbing," Shelby said as she passed the door with an armful of laundry.

…...

Rachel woke up with a cold, wet nose nudging at her ear.

"Good morning, pumpkin," Joey said as she pulled on a sweatshirt and sat next to her niece.

Rachel looked around. the bed was empty, save her and Charlie. Before she could ask, Joanne answered her question.

"He's downstairs," she said. "Sleep well?"

The young girl gave a nod and sat up.

"Did my mom call?" she asked as she rubbed her eye to remove the eye boogers, as Santana called them.

Joanne nodded. "Yup. She called to check on you. We were all asleep. I was a bit grumpy." She watched Rachel's face. "Are you still angry?"

The tiny girl chewed her lip. "Not at her really... but..." She shrugged. "No one gives me a chance. I know that she let me come because they're talking sex and they don't want me there." She hit her fists on her thighs. "I know about sex!" She deflated slightly. "Why is it that people forget that?"

The woman gave a sigh. "Rachel."

The girl shook her head. "I know people don't forget... I know..." She shrugged. "How am I ever supposed to grow up?"

Joanne looked at her. She didn't know where to begin. She didn't know how to begin. She knew what happened. She and Shelby had talked it into the ground. She saw the pain and sadness in Rachel's insecurities and the scars that had been left from it. Maybe they were tip toeing around this. Maybe they were going about it wrong.

Before Joanne could capture her thoughts, Rachel began again.

"I know I'm only eleven. I know that I look like I'm nine." Rachel sighed indignantly. "But I'm not... just eleven. You know? I see how people act around me. I see stuff...I've seen some stuff... I'm not just eleven."

"You're not 'just' anything," she said quickly.

"What I mean is." The girl continued with her rambling. "No one trusts me. They can trust me... I mean I know about sex. All my classmates look like models. They've gone through puberty and here I am years behind when I..." She met her aunt's eyes. "I'm pretty sure I'm ahead of them all..."

The older woman felt herself freeze. Did she just say what she thought? "Rachel, what happened isn't the same as..."

"But either way I'm not a virgin," Rachel said quickly and quietly. "I know that." She nodded convincing herself. "I do..." She furrowed her brow and looked at her hands. "I can handle things... and people don't think I can... That's what I'm mad at."

"It's not that we don't think you can handle them," Bear suddenly said from the door.

"Yes, it is," Rachel fought back. "Noah told me. No one thinks I can fight back."

"Well can you?" Bear asked gently. Rachel turned away with a huff. He went on. "You're right, Rach. Maybe you can't handle them now, but do you know what to look for? I've seen you talk to complete strangers..." He looked at his wife for guidance.

"It scares us," she said simply. "But you know what, you're right. You're not just eleven. We need to teach you what to look for."

"Look for creepy people?"

"Not look for necessarily," Bear said. "But know when situations aren't safe. For example, your singing lessons with Whatshisname." He received an elbow in the pit of his stomach. "You should never be alone with him. The doors should never be closed. Things like that."

"Why? I trust him" Rachel asked. There was a glint in her eyes as if she was concealing something.

"Well..." Bear began. "It's not appropriate. Not just unsafe but it's not okay." He locked eyes with her. "If anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable, intentionally or unintentionally, it's not okay. and you need to go to me, Aunt Joey or your Mom."

Rachel frowned. "I was handling school," she said with fortitude.

Joey looked at her. "That may be true," she said calmly. "But you shouldn't have to."

"Haven't you ever been picked on?" Rachel asked with a sigh. "You don't go tell the teachers!" She looked at her aunt and uncle and realized something as she rolled her eyes. "Of course you haven't. You're the cool kids. God, is anyone a loser in this family besides me?"

"You're not a loser," Joey said.

"Pretty sure I am," she scoffed.

"We're all losers, Rachel," Bear said.

"I'm the biggest," she sighed.

Joanne kissed her on the top of the head. "In this family we make sure we're the best." She winked at her. "It'll get better, Rachel. I know deep down you know that what was happening at school wasn't right you just weren't sure if you should say anything. Well, we'll all teach you when it's time to. okay?"

"This conversation isn't going to fix anything," Rachel murmured. "I'm still a schoolless kid."

"I think pancakes can fix that, don't you, Jo?"

"Vegan pancakes," the girls corrected.

…..

The upstairs carpets were done. The windows and the bathrooms shone bright. It was exhausting. They sat staring at one another in the living room.

"We'll get started down here in a few minutes," Shelby began. "But first we all need to talk."

The three of them seemed to cower slightly. Shelby went on. "I know you don't want to talk about this, but we need to." She took a breath. "The act of sex any kind of sex is sacred. It puts you in a vulnerable moment and if you throw it off as casual, you disrespect yourself." The kids squirmed. "Respect for yourself is not something you're born with. You learn it and work with it for the rest of your lives. However, it's the actions you take that determine its growth. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Quinn felt a knot in her stomach. She couldn't hear this. She didn't need a 'respect yourself' talk. Any dignity she ever had was far gone. It had moved on and so had she.

"I can't do this," the blonde said. She didn't want to soak in Santana's ashamed downward gaze. She couldn't recognize Puck's regret. She just needed to leave.

"Well, we're going to have a talk. Noah and Santana, go start on the kitchen. I want every pot scrubbed."

Quinn watched as the two left the room; what she wouldn't give to leave. "Quinn," Shelby began.

"I'm not doing this with you. I'm just not."

"Quinn, what your father did wasn't sex." She had decided to come out and say it.

"Please shut up," Quinn shouted at the bold statement. She turned to her with a steal jaw. "You're not my therapist. You're not my friend and you're not my mother. So please. Give us all a break and stop acting like it.

"You're right," she said, causing the girl to freeze. "I'm not." She took a breath. "However, I'm right. And you don't have to talk about it, but don't pretend that this isn't affecting you. It's okay to be angry, Quinn and I'm here."

"What are you an after school special?" Quinn gawked. "Leave me alone. We're not talking about this!"

"We are, Quinn, we need to," Shelby said.

"Please leave me alone," Quinn begged.

"I need you to know I'm here if you need anything and we wont talk much more about it today, but the topic isn't over. I'm not going to forget this." She sighed at the girl who had now pushed herself deep in the corner of the room and into herself. "I promise, Quinn. It will get better."

"Really?" she shouted with a sneer. "Is that what you tell Rachel?"

Shelby looked at her in shock. She took a deep breath and recovered. "Getting me angry isn't going to work."

Quinn wasn't there. She couldn't hear Shelby's concern. All she felt was a heavy, sweaty body. _"You're going to like this," the voice hissed. "Open your legs." "Bend over" "That's it. Good girl." _

She felt a surge in her stomach. She grabbed the small trash can in the corner and threw up.

"I can't do this with you," she said wiping her mouth and avoiding the woman's eyes. "I won't." Quinn looked at her honestly. "Some people say it's sacred and magical. It wasn't any of those things. Not then, not ever. Not with him and not with anyone else. All it is is a fantasy. It's like God. The sanctity of it as an act isn't beautiful. People simply gave it meaning over time because without it it would be ugly. It's ugly. People need to believe in better things. They need to believe that it's not messy and sticky and sweaty. So they put love in. There's no such thing as special. All it is is sweaty bodies aching to get off."

The raw emotion in her face was almost unbearable. Shelby didn't know what to say. She reached out and wrapped her arms around Quinn.

"Let me go!" she screamed as she pounded against Shelby's chest. "I don't need you." She continued to hit her but the grip only got tighter. "Leave me alone!"

"I love you so much, Quinn," Shelby whispered.

"Fuck you!" Quinn screamed into Shelby's chest.

"I love you, Quinn," she whispered. "I'm here and I believe in you."

"Fuck you!" she screamed again but her hits became softer. "Fuck you," she whispered weakly as she realized the irony of her words.

She let it sink in; she let her legs crumble and she fell into Shelby's arms. In that moment, she gave up and fell into the embrace. It was the only thing she could do.

…...

Santana heard Quinn's screams die down from the other room. She tried to catch her brother's eyes but he was intentionally not looking at him

"This is your fault," she hissed. "We wouldn't be going through all of this if it weren't for your sexcapade with that bitch! Are you listening to me? This is your fault! Quinn wouldn't be throwing up in the other room and Rachel would be home."

"Shut up, Santana," Noah hissed. "I know that!"

"Do you?" Santana said throwing down a pot.

"You know what, San?" Noah asked regaining his strength. "Back off."

"No, Noah," Santana scolded. "This is-"

"Finished," Shelby interrupted. "Santana, come in here please."

Santana felt her heart in her throat. She didn't want to talk to her mother. Based on their conversation this morning, she knew that this wasn't going to be good. It wasn't just that she knew her mother would be disappointed and angry. It was that a part of her that was being exposed that she never wanted her mother to know about, the part of her that even she was ashamed of. More than that, it was the part of her that she even hid from herself, because if she admitted all the things that she kept locked up inside of her then she would crumble. If out in the open, she couldn't avoid this piece of her anymore. They would be in ruins around her, reminding her that it was all a lie.

**This chapter as was supposed to be longer, as usual. Hopefully, again no promises, the goal is to have another chapter up by Wednesday morning. Please let me know what to think. A lot is happening and there is a lot more to come. There are many twists turns and greater hardships coming up. Get ready. **


	21. Chapter 21

Kylana - Thank you for the review. Rachel will continue to have more flashbacks as they come to her. Hang on to your seat thought there is a whole lot more to tell.

BMontague - WOW - how do I respond to such a beautiful review. I am grateful, touched and humbled that you appreciate it. I too work in the field and what made this story so close to my heart is that i wonder everday where the children and families I work with will be in five years, ten years or even twenty. I am so glad that you can see the depth that I put in each week in each character to have them stay believable. They will all continue to have struggles with their pasts but know the girl she will get what she wants. I know my response it limited but I am blown away by your words. Thank you so so much!

TheTBone – I won't lie – I missed your review! Thank you for coming back and posting an epic review as always. You always capture some of my favorite moments in your reviews and I love that – I am hoping I don't disappoint in this chapter because this chapter offers little comic relief – pretty angsty and emotional stuff so hold on – and I will await your loving review.

dogsrock7699 – Everyone is hurting and the hurt will continue but there will be healing and happiness I promise. Thank you for reviewing.

Renata – My sweet Brazilian – thank you for always reviewing! Addiction is never a good thing but when it comes to my story its ok with me! I hope you like this one! Santana is going to have to talk and she will fight Shelby tooth and nail but Shelby is up for it. Rachel will start to open but she will also unfortunately have to learn some lessons the hard way.

Cookie – If you love Santana there is a lot more for you to love especially in this chapter. It is very hard for her because she has built so many walls but she will come around because deep inside she is a very lovable girl. Thank you for your review.

MaJorReader619 – Rachel knows bits and pieces of what has happened to her but she was only 2 ½ when it happened so she only knows what she has been told and what she is piecing together for herself. She will continue to learn more though. Sorry for making you cry for Quinn – she has had it rough. Thank you for your review.

broadwaybound2016 – it is gut wrenching what Rachel knows. You are right not to trust Will let's hope Rachel guards herself. Thanks for reviewing my story.

dragonrider94- Well get the tissues ready before reading this chapter. Thanks for reviewing.

NayaFan – Thanks for reviewing as always. Shelby and Quinn have a long way to go but they will continue to work – it won't change overnight. I love Bear too! He will help all of them and try to keep creepy Will at a distance.

Sarah11650 – Santana and Shelby have a strong relationship but because of who Santana is she is very stubborn she knows her mother loves her. Thank you for reviewing.

endlessdreamer13 – Lots of Santana in this chapter but it is angsty. It is still a bumpy ride for sure for her but Brittany is patient and strong so if you stick with me I hope not to disappoint you. Thanks for the review.

Stevensone – Thank you for dedicating a weekend to my story. I am glad that I pleased you. I hope you are just as excited about the rest of the story.

Tcathing – you are right everyone does need an uncle like Bear! Santana will open up a little but she has many walls to breakdown so she will be working with Shelby a lot. Rachel will try and listen to Uncle Bear but she wants to do a lot on her own so we will see. Thanks for reviewing

FacingFuture – unfortunately what happened to Quinn will be out in the open more than she will want but the people that love her now need to know and will help her through it. Shelby is exhausted but she is strong and with Joey and Bear around she will need to lean on them a little more again. Judy is a piece of work and she needs lots and lots of parenting classes before anyone is going to allow Quinn back with her anytime soon. Thanks for the review I love them!

w1cked – the sex talk is so needed for all of the kids and it will be an ongoing thing even though it is not a comfortable topic of conversation to have with your mother. Thank for your support with your continued reviews.

Gleek1990 – Shelby has a very strong heart she will be ok but she will probably be keeping a closer eye on Santana – although her and Quinn are grounded for like forever so it should stop it for a while. Rachel wont run away because that is not who she is but she will have to adjust to it but she will have people there to support her. Thank you for reviewing.

SuzQQ – Thank you my faithful reviewer! I always like your reviews. Not sure if we will see Bear and Joey's kids anytime soon but they were raised by Bear and Joey without the trauma of the Corcorans so they are great kids. Sam and Mike are good for the kids too but with the Corcorans and Quinn being grounded it may be awhile for them to hang with them. Quinn will begin to share more and more whether it is by choice or not. Her story will be told as well as Santana opening up more. They need to allow people in again.

amandaes417 – Your words are so kind! I am glad you liked my changes update. I am sorry it has taken so long to post. Thank you for sticking with it. Rachel is awesome and I hope to continue to have her grow the way a healthy eleven year old should.

Chris – Sorry I did not mean to confuse you – things will be pointed out more clearly in later chapters I don't want to spoil anything. Thanks for reviewing.

btvscharmedgirl – I think you will see why she has the alarms on the window in this chapter. Even though they scare Rachel they serve a double purpose. Thanks for reviewing.

piecesofyourheart – I will give you a heads up when you need to start torturing some of the people in this story. Bear will keep a close eye. Thanks for the review.

LebaneseForNayaRivera – They are all getting talks including Noah and they will continue to talk about it because lets face it one talk is not going to help these girls in the least. Quinn has been hurt a great deal by her family and while she knows it is completely wrong – she needs to know none of it was her fault. Thank you for your kind words – I hope you enjoy this chapter.

NinjaGleek21 – you are correct Mr. Schue is a creeper ! but I will give you the heads up when to get that lighter back out – Thanks for your reviews!

OTHangels – I love Joey and Bear too and there may be more coming! - thanks for reviewing

HIsland429 – I am glad you love the length – I am always amazed because I outline what I want in the chapter but I never seem to get to all of it because of the length – I am afraid people don't like long chapters. Rachel will learn and maybe with the help of Quinn but Quinn needs to process it herself so I don't want her giving Rachel bad advice because they have both been through so much. Finnocence and Shitney should go away but …. Soon trust me soon.

marinka4 – ok sorry you want to hurt people and there maybe some in this chapter as well but they will all be getting better. It is a long process though. Thanks for sticking with me.

TommyH – Thanks for the review. Puck and Rachel will be good again real soon!

ddbddb123 – I am so happy that you love my story and took the time to let me know about it. I love the bug nickname too. Thank you for reviewing the story.

**AN: Finally for all of you who have sent me PM's recently – thank you so much and I am in the process of responding to all of you – thank you so much for your interest and kind words – the reviews and the PM's are ALWAYS welcome.**

**ON TO THIS CHAPTER: …. Please be warned that this chapter may trigger. There are intense discussions and flashbacks. Please read with caution.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 21<p>

Shelby watched her daughter walk slowly into the room. She knew she was ready for a fight. She had just sent Quinn upstairs to clean up for dinner and take a nap. Even though she was grounded, she knew she had to give the girl some space. She knew that these kids weren't the same as most children. However, just because they weren't conventional didn't mean they weren't good. Most children had pre-established foundations that associated between right and wrong, safe and dangerous and were responsive to a firm scolding and grounding. However, she was realizing that her children, while they have come a long way, still had cracks in their foundation. They still questioned it all. And Quinn, her foundation needed to be rebuilt completely. Progress, Shelby knew didn't happen overnight. She knew that her children weren't going to respond immediately. They weren't going to change overnight. She saw that Quinn was triggering insecurities even if they didn't. They were reverting back to old behaviors. She needed to help them take those integral pieces that so many took for granted and emphasize them with greater focus. It wasn't simple and it surely wasn't easy or produce fast results.

And now Shelby needed to focus her energy on Santana. She took a deep breath as she watched her eldest daughter collapse on the couch trying to mask her anxiety about the situation.

"Santana," Shelby began

"I don't think we need to talk about this anymore," Santana interrupted. "I won't do it again."

The mother narrowed her eyes. "Do what again exactly?"

The girl's face faltered. She waved her arms. "There's nothing more to say, Mom."

"Clearly, there is, Santana. Our conversation this morning demonstrates that there is so much to say."

Santana shook her head. "No, Mom, there isn't."

"I asked you a question this morning, Santana and I expect it to be answered."

She stared at her mother in disbelief. This wasn't happening. It just wasn't. "You can't asked me that."

"I'm pretty sure I can," Shelby said firmly.

"No, you can't!" She stood to her feet and started to walk away.

"We're not done here!" Shelby said quickly.

"You know what?" she screamed. "Let's talk, but let's not just talk about me, shall we?"

"Santana," Shelby said in a voice that aggravated her in its calmness.

"Don't talk to me like that. I'm not a child!" Santana turned sharply on her toes and swiftly knocked the side lamp over with intention. Shelby didn't jump. This behavior was all too familiar. At least she wasn't climbing through windows anymore, she thought to herself avoiding the broken ceramics.

"I've coped!" Santana pointed to her chest. "I have made mistakes. I know that I'm not a perfect person! But I'm not a perfect person because of you!" She screamed. She turned her finger back at her mother. "I'm dealing with my shit. Yes, I may be a slut but I'm a slut because of you! Because you left us!"

Shelby tried her best not to tremble at her daughter's words. She heard her. She understood it. She knew though that her daughter was looking for a reaction so that she could take the focus from her. She knew what buttons to push. She was pushing them. And, Shelby knew, she was pushing them because that was her instinct. What Shelby hated most of all was that her instincts were coming out. It wasn't that they were making an appearance as much as the reason that they were coming out worried her. Santana felt the need to protect herself, and that hurt most.

"Santana, you're not a slut. You're a strong, incredible girl, who deserves so much more than-"

"Fuck that psychologist SHIT, Mom!" Santana screamed. "I'm not that little girl you left. You need to stop seeing me as her. I will never be her again."

Santana collapsed on the stair. She squeezed her eyes shut. She never thought about it until that moment. However, as she stared at the back of her eye lids and heard the echos of the nasty things she had just screamed at her mother, one memory stuck out. It was one she would rather not remember, but one that she realized was a moment that changed something in her that she could never get back.

_She screamed in pain as the belt hit her exposed flesh for the millionth time. The pain radiated all over; it felt as if her whole body was throbbing. She whimpered out a cry when she felt his hand on the hot flesh of her bottom. Her face was turned to the side on the mattress and the tears from one eye were stinging the other eye. _

_She heard the clanging of the belt. Fear muddled in her heart. She knew she couldn't take much more. "Please," she whispered. "Please stop. I'm sorry." She actually didn't remember what she did. However, she was still more sorry than ever. They had been living with him for barely two weeks and her life had turned out to be a nightmare._

_She gave a grunted moan when she felt him sit on the backs of her knees. He bent down and ran his hand along her bare spine and then along her beaten flesh of her bottom. He always insisted on taking her clothes off. She knew it was the same for Rachel, but she wasn't sure about her brother. He shifted above her and she groaned in pain._

"_I'm going to make you a woman one of these days," he whispered in a husky voice. "But for tonight," he said as his hand parted her legs and cheeks beneath him. "We'll just have a little warm up."_

_She screamed and kicked her legs as she felt his finger enter her. He used another hand to spank her as he reached underneath to get better leverage as he pumped his single digit into her. She kick against him. She didn't want this. She didn't want this at all. She felt him pull out. He slammed his other hand against her inflamed cheeks and she screamed as she felt him enter her with two fingers. He plunged in and out of her roughly with grunts as he slammed his free hand repeatedly onto her reddened bottom. Her wails morphed into screeches. He pinned her more furiously against the mattress as she struggled, the heels of her still-socked feet dug deep into his lower back as she fought against him. _

_She felt something hard pushing against the underside of her bottom alongside the pain of his fingers inside of her. He was moving fast and hard on top of her, grinding against her. She screamed and moved trying to get away._

"_No! No! No!" she screamed. He lifted her by her shoulder and slammed her into the mattress, hoping to silence her._

"_Shut up, Santana! Enjoy this! Shut up!" he yelled, but his movements never stopped. His grunts turned into moans. He continued to move roughly between her aching thighs but she never stopped kicking. Her body was throbbing but she wasn't going to give into him. Not now. Not ever. Finally, with a sudden jerk he stopped. _

_He climbed off of her and she could feel the weight shift. She grunted at the release. "Fucking cunt," he muttered and he left the room. _

_She wasn't sure but she thought she was crying. Her cheeks were wet with tears but she wasn't sobbing. It was as if she herself forgot to cry but her eyes remembered. It was still light out, but she continued to lay there. She had no where else to be._

"_Santana? Santana?" She shifted her eyes and saw her brother standing next to the bed. She was still in the bed. She looked up. The room was dark save the light from the lamp next to the bed. Had she been laying there that long? "Do you want me to help you?" Her eyes were still wet. _

"_No," she mumbled. "I... I... I'm okay."_

_She watched as her brother's eyes scanned her body. He worried about her and Rachel enough. That's what big brothers do, especially when they were as old as Noah. He would be ten soon. A girl at school told her that once brothers hit double digits they went into a weird protective mood. Santana was worried because her brother had always been too protective way before he hit double digits. _

"_You're- You're bleeding..." He stuttered. _

_She groaned and sat up. "I'm fine." She looked down. She was, but it was only a small amount of blood, like a bad paper cut..._

_She pulled up her underwear and pants and avoided her brother's looks. She wasn't sure what she felt. She wasn't sure if it was shame or hurt or sadness. It felt like all of that. Could you feel all of that at once? After a few moments she met his eyes. However, he wasn't there. He was shaking, angry. _

"_Noah? Noah?"_

_He was still staring at where she was just laying. "He touched you there..." he said. It was more of statement more than anything. _

_She looked down at her hands in a mixture of shame, anger and resentment. "Yeah..." she said quietly. Suddenly her body and mind caught up with one another and she released a sob. "Yeah..."_

"_I'm gonna kill him!" he screamed. "I'm gonna kill him!"_

"_Shut up," she hissed, looking at the door in fear. "Just shut up." She licked her lips and started stripping the bed. "Where's Rachel?"_

"_I'm gonna kill him!" he screamed._

"_Where's Rachel?" Santana snapped. _

"_He's changing her diaper," he said still shaking his head angrily._

_She reached out to her big brother. When you're young, big brothers were always big brothers. They always seemed stronger and wiser, even when they weren't even ten yet, but sometimes you had to reign them in. "I'm fine," Santana said. She wiped away her tears furiously. _

_The door slammed open. "She won't stop crying," Hiram hissed pushing a sobbing Rachel into the room. Santana picked her up with ease and avoided Hiram's glare. "Shut her up," he shouted. "Or I will."_

_Santana could feel her sister shaking in her arms but as soon as she was able to make two soothing circles on her back, the tiny toddler seemed to calm. "Sanny's got you," she whispered. That's what their mother used to say. Santana wanted her mother to hold her right then. "Mommy's got you," she remembered her mother saying quietly in her ear. She closed her eyes and imagined her arms engulfing them, protecting them. _

_Hiram started out of the room. _

"_I'm going to kill you," Noah hissed barely above a whisper. His fists pounded against his stocky frame. _

"_Noah, please shut up," Santana kicked him in the shins. She wasn't sure if she said it out loud but she said it loudly enough with her eyes. He needed to be quiet. The man just needed to leave. Noah looked over at her. His eyes softened. _

_Hiram stopped. "What did you say?" he growled._

"_Nothing," Noah said as his eyes still locked with Santana. _

"_No, I'm pretty sure you said something," he barked._

"_I just wanted to know if I could make them something to eat," he said with his chin up. "She might be hungry. Maybe that's why she's crying. They haven't eaten yet today."_

_Santana held her breath as she watched the man stare her brother down. She gripped on tighter to Rachel and she was sure the tiny girl felt the tension because she felt her thin arms grip tighter around her neck._

"_You have five minutes to find something in the kitchen and make it," he said. Santana released a sigh relief. Hiram glared over at Santana. "I'll be counting."_

_Noah followed him quickly out of the room, knowing not to waste time. He exchanged a look with Santana. She shook her head silently. That had been close. Santana held on tighter to Rachel trying to drive away her own fear and anxiety. She still ached all over. _

"_Sanny?" Rachel muttered into her neck._

_No, she was a big girl now. She was eight years old. She wasn't going to cry. She was going to be strong, just like her big brother. _

"Santana?" Shelby said putting her hand on her shoulder.

The older girl pulled away. "Leave me alone," she hissed.

"Santana, I need you to answer the question. And you will," the mother said clearly. "It's not an option. I've made an appointment for you early next week. We're going to get you tested. I don't care how safe you are. I'm almost certain you cannot look at me and tell me that last time you were checked for STDs."

Santana looked in her mother's direction but avoided her mother's eyes. She was right. Her 'screening' had been a question, not anything medical. Mostly it had gone like this: "You good?" "Yeah. You?" "Yup."

"So you can either tell me the number now or do it in front of your doctor." Santana frowned and looked at her mother with a scowl.

She looked away. She wasn't going to answer.

"Fine," Shelby said. "You can be mad at me all you want. I love you. And I'm sorry, Santana."

"For what?" Santana hissed.

"You don't think that I wonder every day of what things would have been like if I never went to London." The sincerity in her mother's voice could have caused her to emerge from her hardened shell, but she refused the opportunity.

"No, I know you do," Santana said dryly. "But you're not thinking about 'what things would have been like." You think specifically about how we wouldn't be as fucked up as we are."

"Santana!"

"Don't Santana me!"

"I get that you're angry," Shelby said. "I get it. But your rudeness is out of line."

"Back off, Mom!"

"You're angry because you didn't want me to know," she said. "You don't think I know that. I do. I get that you're just building this angry, mean wall in hopes that I won't break it down. Well get used to it, little girl. You're my kid. I love you and I'm not going anywhere. I'm not disappointed in you, Santana. I'm disappointed in your actions but never in you."

Santana deflated. No, she scolded herself. Not going to happen, she wasn't going to give in.

"Well you need to be," Santana scolded as she took a picture frame off of the wall and threw it down the stairs. She started to run from Shelby. Shelby grabbed her hand.

"Couch now. You're going to sit there until you're ready to clean up after yourself. You can be mad but you have to clean up. And because it's glass, you need to make sure you mop the area too. I'm sure your aunt is bringing her small rat-dog this evening and I don't want to hear about it ingesting glass."

Santana frowned, but let her mother lead her to the couch. She felt like a child again. Shelby sat across from her. "I'll be here when you've calmed down."

As much as Santana didn't want to sit with her mother, somehow throwing things prompted her to sit with her mother. It was a familiar pattern. As much as she wanted to break it, it was her immediate response and she wasn't ready to fight it. So she did all that she could do: sit.

…...

Quinn leaned against the back of her door. Shelby had sent her up and she was eager to get away. She took a deep breath and then realized she was breathing heavily, as if she just sprinted across the field. She couldn't focus. She couldn't think. What had just happened downstairs? She wasn't sure in the least. She sighed and stared at her room. She paused. "Her" room?

She looked at her makeshift bed in the corner and then over again at the bed. She just told the only person in the world who had ever said "I love you" to her to go fuck themselves. She was pretty sure apologies weren't going to be enough. She wasn't sure words were even enough . She bit her bottom lip. Shelby had told her to lay down. She wondered if she was fighting everyone and making mistakes as they pushed her under the metaphorical water. Maybe the water was inevitable; maybe instead of waiting to be pushed she should just dive. She walked over and grabbed her lamb and with a breath, she apologized the only way she knew how: in silence. And slowly, Quinn laid down on the bed and fell asleep.

…...

Shelby stared at Santana as the girl set her jaw and was wringing out her hands. She took a deep breath. There was so much that she wanted to say and know but badgering Santana couldn't get her anywhere. She knew her daughter and she wasn't in the mood to listen, talk or communicate. It would be destructive, rather than constructive.

She glanced over her shoulder and spotted her son still scrubbing dishes in the kitchen as if he hadn't heard the yelling. She looked back at her daughter. They had been sitting there for almost twenty minutes. Santana was still sitting there. However, Shelby noticed her brow had softened.

"Santana?" The girl shifted her head but didn't make eye contact. "When you're ready, you may start picking up."

She nodded like she always did but continued to sit there. She wasn't going to give in. Not on her mother's time. She would decide when to get up. She always decided. With her lips pursed, after about five more minutes of sitting she stood up and tightened her jaw and walked over and retrieved a broom that was still at the bottom of the stairs from when they used it in the upstairs bathrooms.

"Thank you for taking the time to yourself," Shelby said calmly.

"Your psycho-babble doesn't work on me," she mumbled.

"Santana, consider yourself lucky then. Because while I haven't decided the topic of your other essay. Tomorrow you'll be writing one about the history of glass."

Santana groaned but began to clean up. She grabbed the trashcan and started disposing of the glass. She had broken so many things that she was an expert of cleaning up sharp edged objects like glass. She sighed and and swept it up around the shattered frame. She heard her mother walk into the kitchen. She wasn't sure that it was the adrenalin of the moment was gone, or that she was relieved that she didn't have to say anything. She felt calmer. "Sometimes you just need to yell," her father told her when she was younger. She didn't yell as much when he was around. She knew what she had said wasn't very kind, but she realized it had been true. Right? she thought more intensely. She squeezed her eyes shut. It was true for her, not for her mother. Mothers don't choose to see their daughters that way. She looked up the stairs. Maybe all but Quinn's. She paused. there were a lot of bad people out there who didn't fit the standard of a good parent. Who was she kidding? She should know that.

She took a deep breath before she started moving over to the lamp but she stopped when she realized she didn't know what the picture was. She turned it over and she softened. It had been taken about five or six years ago, shortly after they moved to Lima. The three of them were curled up and sleeping on top of each other. Rachel was sitting in Santana's lap and leaning her head against the crook of the older girl's neck. One hand was in her lap while the other was caught in Santana's then longish and messy hair. Santana slept with her head resting on Noah's shoulder. She had one arm securely around Rachel and then another laying limply in her lap next to the tiny girl, their fingers entangled. She was sporting a blue cast on her arm. She gave a tiny smile that was before he got that stupid mohawk. His hair was big, thick and wavy. Santana inherited her hair from her father, it was dry and even curly-messy when she was young, and it showed in this picture. Meanwhile, Noah and Rachel got their wavy locks from their mother.

Her smile had faded slightly. They had all fallen asleep because of a bad day at school. She frowned remembering. She had threatened to run away and attempted to climb out the window for the fourth time since they moved to Lima, except this time, she missed the tree and fell, thus the cast. She frowned. Not long after that her mother had the alarms put in. It had been a long time ago. She had been angry then, and she was still angry. She frowned; she just didn't have any windows to climb out of anymore. She extracted the photo from the broken frame and put it in her pocket.

….

"_We're royalty Quinn," Finn said with a smile. "We're meant to be together forever."_

_She was a freshman. He was a junior. They went pretty well together. She had to admit that, but it wasn't because they were powerful or good, it was just for what they stood for. She chewed her lip and forced a smile. Last night her father had taken something from her so sacred that she felt like she was floating around in pieces and there was no way she could put herself back together. She stared at her dumb boyfriend. She noticed his mouth moving. Shit, Quinn, she told herself. Listen. _

"_... And someday I'll have the shop and we'll have awesome kids and you'll make great mac and cheese..." _

_Quinn may have frowned at the ridiculousness of his statements, but after the night she had when her father climbed on top of her and covered her mouth and for the first time... Her thoughts trailed off. Children, he had said children. She felt bile rise in her throat. Oh my god, what if she was... _

_She looked up at Finn with determined eyes. "My parents are at the club tonight. After school you're coming over." _

"_What?" he asked with a face that looked more like he was trying to poop but couldn't. _

_She tried her best to relax and smile. "You've been wanting something from me. And tonight, I'm alone. You have to come over." _

_She watched him smile in realization. She needed him to come over. She didn't want him to; she didn't know mentally how she could force herself to grin and bear the situation. She felt dread boiling in her stomach. However, as she forced herself to smile and kiss him on the lips, she reminded herself that she had to. She had to for so many reasons, but for the most important one: her father didn't use a condom. _

Quinn awoke with a start and stared around the room. The sun was low, but it was still out. She realized where she was and looked down at the bed.

She got up and climbed into the blanket pile on the floor. She had tried. She really had.

…..

"Noah?" Shelby asked as she entered the kitchen.

He was scrubbing a pot vigorously at the sink. "Yeah?"

"Noah," Shelby said walking to him. "The pots were clean... you're just giving them another wash. They don't need to be scrubbed."

"Mom, this is what you asked us to do," he said throwing down the pot. "I'm sorry." He shook his head. "But no amount of cleaning is going to fix any of this crap."

"Noah," Shelby said with a deep breath. "I know you're upset."

"Actually you really don't, Mom," he said with vigor. "This is all... This is just..." He waved his hands in the air. "This is just... I don't know. It's just not going well..." He shook his head. "I can't talk about this with you. I'm sorry. I am. You …. must know that I am. but... I …... I can't scrub clean pots, Mom. I just... I can't."

Shelby looked at him. "Noah, I need you to hear me. I need you to understand why this isn't okay and not just because you were caught."

"Fucking scrubbing pots won't teach me that!"

Shelby put her hands up. "Noah. Calm down. If you need to go and bang some pots or have some time with the punching bag downstairs, you-"

"Mom!" he yelled. "I can't talk to you about this!"

"I know this seems overwhelming, Noah."

He was leaning with his arms on the sink. He looked up at her slowly. "Mom, this whole day... and yesterday and the night before were all overwhelming by themselves. Together... they're unbearable. So please, I'm not talking about this with you."

Noah stormed out of the room and down into the basement. Everything was just too much.

…...

Joanne finished rinsing off the plates as Rachel loaded them in the dishwasher. The phone interrupted their quiet routine. The woman dried her hands and leaned over her niece to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Shelby said with a tired sigh. "Is Rachel alright?"

Joey looked over at her niece who was now laying on the couch with Bear and the dog. "She's fine. What's up? How's the cake coming? Or should I not even ask? I told Melody over at the bakery that we might need a cake she's saving us a sheet cake for us to -"

"That last thing on my mind right now is cake, Jo," she said quietly. "I need to talk to Bear."

"What's going on?"

"Bear. phone now." Shelby said.

Joanne sighed and handed the phone to her husband. She watched as a pensive look draped on his face and then how was disentangled himself from Rachel and went into the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'll be over," she heard him say. He hung up the phone and looked at his wife quietly. "I have to talk to Noah." She frowned. He continued. "Apparently things aren't going well and she needs me to try before Noah breaks his hand again on the punching bag." He looked back over at Rachel who was touching Charlie's ears and watching them twitch. "Maybe you should have a girl talk with her."

"About Charlie?" Joanne asked as she peered around the corner to have a better view of her niece.

"No, about i don't know. Stuff." He frowned. "We always have known that there was a lot going on in her head, but I've never been this worried about it. So...yeah."

"Get out of here," Joey said with a smile. "You're the best father, husband and uncle I know. And tell Shelby I'll bring over the cake and dinner. Clearly she doesn't have it together."

Bear frowned. "I'm not getting involved in that."

"Bear! Bear!" Joanne called after him. When he disappeared from sight, Joanne noticed Rachel frowning at her from the couch. "He's a cop-out."

"He's the chief. So of course he's a cop," Rachel replied and returned to the dog.

…...

Noah punched the bag with vigor. He needed to get out. He couldn't do it. He just -

"Noah."

He looked up and his uncle was standing there. He gave a sigh and wiped his brow. "She called you because I flipped, didn't she?"

The tall man nodded with pursed lips. He raised his eyebrows. "Pretty much."

"Well, I'll tell you what I told her," Noah said simply. "I don't need a lecture. I know I screwed up."

"Well, man, you kinda did. And I'm glad you know that, but we're still talkin'," Bear said. He held the punching bag steady. "Go on, take a hit."

Noah frowned. "Stop," he said finally after a few moments of searching for something in his uncle's eyes. "I don't need this from you either."

"Need what?" Bear asked. "I just came here to listen. Noah, I get it. Sex is a good way to blow off steam."

He put his hands on his head and groaned. "Please! I can't talk about this! I won't get caught again. Jesus. I won't even have sex again, but I sure as hell can't talk about it with you or anyone."

"Noah, this isn't about sex. is it?"

"Why does it have to be about one thing or that or this or whatever," he said. "It's about all of it. It's about me trying to break the balls of every guy that looks at San funny. It's about me trying my best not to burn down the prison with Russell in it. It's the fact that I scared Rachel. It's all of it!"

"I get that this is hard. I get that this is not what you expected on your birthday, but your family loves you. I love you. You played fabulous game last night. You're going to get out of Lima and do wonderful things and we're going to support you 100%. The weight of all of this doesn't have to be on your shoulders, son."

"It doesn't have to be but it is. And who said I wanted to leave Lima."

"Noah you are not just a good player – you are an all American player. Haven't you been paying attention? The scouts and recruiters that came to the game have been drooling over the chance for you to come visit their programs. Now when you turned down the opportunity to even listen to Michigan State when they called recently, I didn't say anything, but Noah, Ohio State, Notre Dame, Vanderbilt and Michigan, all schools in the top 10 rankings for college football have their eyes on you, bud-"

"I don't care," Noah said with a quiet shake of his head. "Don't you get that. It's not that I think I can't leave. I don't want to. I made a mistake with Whitney. I know. I've made a lot of mistakes. I can't talk about this with you."

"Well then who are you going to talk about it with? Huh, Noah?" Bear asked as he leaned close to him. "You going to go out and have sex with some other girl?"

"Shut up," Noah screamed. "Just shut up! I'm not... I was with Whitney for over a year. Over a fucking year! Don't make me out to be that guy! Don't make me out to be that guy!"

Bear wasn't sure if the boy knew that he repeated himself or not. "I tried my best with Whitney. I didn't love her and I didn't want to. Yeah we did it, but she's the one that always asked. I never pressured her."

The man frowned. "I never said you did, bud." He bit his lip. "You're not him. Okay? Do you hear me? It's okay to have urges and even without being evil."

Noah stared at him. He held his gaze for an eternity. Finally, without breaking it, Noah spoke. "When you're the man in this house, with sisters who have..." He shook his head. "I can't have those urges. Because I am him if i do... People talk about teenage boys not being able to control themselves like some crazy rabid, animal." Noah pointed at the ground with an angry frown. "That's who he was. He couldn't control himself! He couldn't do it!" He hit the bag with ferocity. "Do you know what it's like to have your little sister tell you that sex is casual? She's hurt so much that she can't even see it. I can't protect her. I never could." Noah shook his head. "She …. I don't know." He walked closer to his uncle. "Urges? San says it's just physical. It gets you by. But when you're a man, in this house, urges aren't just urges. They're not punch lines to dirty jokes or funny storylines in the sitcoms, they're the tip of the iceberg of how it all fell apart." He looked at the floor, suddenly realizing his cheeks were wet with angry tears. "That bastard had sex with Rach until she couldn't move, breathe or stay awake." Bear watched as she boy crumbled in front of him. "Santana won't tell me what he did to her," he shook his head. "But I know..." He pointed harshly at his chest, banging on it with his index finger. "I know..." He shook his head again and punched the bag. "And Quinn... I …... I know no one has said anything about that either but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what dear ol' daddy did to her. She's going to Rachel's therapist for Christ sakes, who specializes in that shit!" Noah combed his hands through his hair. "So you cannot come down here and tell me that my 'urges' are normal." Noah pointed toward the stairs. "Because the same urges, those same FUCKING URGES are what ruined everything for them." He kicked the chair in the corner. "And that's why I can't talk to about this."

Bear looked at the boy. He took a deep breath. He had been in that courtroom when they showed the damage that had been done. He had been there when pictures of his youngest niece were handed to jurors like school handouts.

"Noah, just because you feel some way doesn't make you a bad person. Yeah, a lot of men have sex urges but what separates men from anything is the choices they make."

"No," Noah said shaking his head again. "It's not about choice. It's the same in all men."

Bear reached out and pulled the boy to him and cupped his face. Noah was tall but Bear was taller. "Yes, it's the choice and you will never be that man. What you feel isn't wrong, Noah. It doesn't make you the monster."

Noah continued to shake his head even with his uncle's hands cupping it. "It still feels like it."

…...

Rachel opened the back door of the house and wandered in. It was quiet. It was always quiet when people were in trouble but this was even extra quiet for that.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Rach," Joey called behind her. "Please help me here."

The eleven year old looked over her shoulder and her aunt was balancing take out bags, a pizza box, her Mary-Poppins purse, it was full of neverending things, and a covered cake pan.

"I'm holding the dog," Rachel said seriously. "I shouldn't touch the food."

Joey narrowed her eyes. "You're your mother's daughter," she said as she put things on the counter.

"Shelby! Kids! Dinner!" Joey screamed. She saw Rachel grimace. "What?"

"What did you bring?" Santana asked as she wandered into the kitchen. Quinn and Shelby followed behind her with similar exhausted looks.

"You know," she shrugged. "Called the place on the corner. I got a couple deep dishes, three large salads, wings, because I had a craving." Rachel shot her a look. "But not after a lecture about chicken mills; however, we all know these are the best wings in town. And pasta, because clearly we also need us some pasta."

Shelby shook her head. "This is ridiculous as is your insane metabolism because I know you and Bear eat this crap at least five times a week."

"We've cut down to three," Joey admitted as she motioned the girls to help her take things out of the boxes. "Let's get these in the dining room okay?"

Santana gently pulled Rachel to her side as she rummaged through the bags with one hand. She began asking her quietly how her time was, even though Rachel could sense the tension in her sister's body. She glanced over at Quinn who seemed to be lost in space.

"Where's Noah?" she asked quietly.

"He'll be up in a few minutes," Shelby said catching her sister's eye. "Girls, carry this stuff to the dining room please."

Slowly the three of them sauntered out of the room.

"What?" Shelby asked looking at her sister.

Joanne sighed as she grabbed three beers from the refrigerator. "I know you have a lot on your plate right now," she began.

"But?" Shelby said annoyed.

"Rachel's been saying some stuff that you really need to talk to her about."

Shelby frowned. "What do you mean?"

"We were baking this afternoon and she was rambling about Quinn and how much she liked her but she was mad at her still but she knows how much they have in common." Joanne locked eyes with her sister. "And earlier this afternoon she was talking about how she's not a virgin and how she was ahead of girls in her class. I dont know what's happening in that tiny head of hers, but I think we need to." She took a deep breath. "I'm starting tho think she remembers more than we have assumed."

Shelby looked over her shoulder at the girls as they set the table. Crap, she did not need this.

…...

Plates and silverware clanged together on the table. Rachel kept staring at her brother and he kept looking away. Santana kept looking over at Rachel. Quinn was staring at her food as if she was having a conversation with it.

"Well, what a game on Friday, huh?" Joey tried to break the tension. Fail.

"I'm kinda full," Noah said looking at his pizza.

Shelby sighed. Of course they wouldn't eat.

"Noah?" Rachel said quietly. "We made you cake." She said it in such away that it almost sounded like a question.

He forced a weak smile. "Thanks."

"I'll get it," Bear said as he stood and went to the kitchen.

"Happy Birthday, buddy," Shelby said with a smile as Bear put the cake in front of him. "We can sing if you want."

Noah stared at the candles. "No," he said quietly. "It's fine."

He blew them out. They continued again to silently sit there and eat cake.

"See you can't even tell it's vegan," Rachel whispered to Quinn who tried her best to nod with a piece in her mouth.

"Can I be excused?" Noah asked suddenly. "Are we done here?"

Rachel looked at his barely touched piece of cake. She frowned. He looked away and back down at the cake. He shoveled the rest of it in his mouth and gulped it down with a glass of milk.

"Excuse me," he muttered. "Thanks Rach for the cake."

"Noah," Shelby called. "You need to stay here. I'm sorry. You're still grounded. You're not excused."

Another blanket of tension fell on the room. Noah was still standing behind his chair.

"Are you kidding?" he asked.

"Sit down," Bear said in a voice that rarely appeared. It was his cop voice. "Now."

Noah shook his head but took a seat. Happy birthday to me, he thought to himself.

Rachel watched him sink into himself. She had thought cake might make it a little better. She realized she was wrong.

About twenty minutes later, Rachel and Santana were clearing off the table in the dinning room. Quinn was in the kitchen with Noah, Bear, Joey and Shelby. Rachel left a slight streak on the table as she wiped it off.

"Rach, you missed a spot," Santana said as she gathered the last of the placemats.

"Why do you care?" Rachel asked with a frowned.

Santana chuckled in amused surprise. "Because I spent the whole day cleaning this stupid house."

"That's not my fault," Rachel said with a frown.

Santana set the mats down. "Okay, what's wrong?"

"Nothing!"

"Is this about your cake?" Santana asked gently.

Rachel pushed her. "Shut up! And no! It's not my fault that you're in trouble for something I don't even know what you did this time!"

The older girl put her hands up. "Calm down, Rachel. You're just mad because he didn't eat his cake!"

Her frowned softened with she saw Rachel's fierce eyes fill with tears. "It's not the cake!" the girl screamed. "Mom pulled me out of school!-"

Santana frowned. "What?"

Rachel didn't seem to hear her. She went on, "And then I'm excluded from whatever happened here because you all messed up! I'm never given the opportunity to do ANYTHING! I'm just like Charlie!"

Santana frowned. "How are you in anyway like the dog?"

"Never mind. Leave me alone," she said. "You just don't get it."

…..

Joey watched Quinn move carefully around the kitchen. Her pacing was so familiar.

"Jo, can you pass me those plates?"

The arguing from the dinning room made its way into the kitchen. The family seemed to look on. Shelby gave a sigh and walked in.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"What don't I get?" Santana asked.

"Everything!" the girl said.

"Rachel, you're tired, just go and sleep," Santana said waving her hand.

"Then what's your excuse? Huh? You're mad at everyone but never me. Get mad at me, San!" Rachel's fists curled at her side. "You're mean and you don't tell the truth and you bribe me with things to keep me happy when you're not happy at all."

Santana could just stare at her. She wasn't sure who this person what that was yelling at her. She didn't understand where this was coming from.

"Yell at me!" Rachel said. "Come on do it! You yell at Quinn! You yell at Noah! You yell at Mom! You scolded the lady at the coffee shop. Why never me?"

Santana looked at her with a frown her mouth slightly open. Rachel was pleading with her. She was begging and all Santana could do was stand there.

"Rachel, that's enough," Shelby said. "Go upstairs please. I'll be up in a few minutes."

Rachel shook her head and let her indigent tears fall as she left the room.

"Santana?" Shelby asked. The girl had her back to her. "Santana?"

"I'm fine," she hissed as she grabbed the place mats and headed back into the kitchen.

…...

Bear walked Noah up to his room.

"Are you going to watch me sleep too?" the boy asked in a frustrated tone.

"Hey, don't be a smart ass," Bear said with an annoyed cock of his head.

"Why did you follow me up here?" he asked.

"Would you rather me get your mother or Joey?" The boy didn't respond. "Have you been safe?" he asked finally.

"What?" Noah asked.

"When you're with girls have you been safe?"

"Of course," he replied.

"For real?" Bear asked.

Noah nodded. "Yeah."

"Have there been a lot?" he asked folding his arms and leaning against the door frame.

"Why, does it matter?" Noah hissed.

"Yeah, actually, Noah. It does. I know you party. I know you have sex. Every kid has those moments when they're sloppy and it's... well... SLOPPY! But you, Noah. You have so much anger in you that I don't want that anger to become a child in nine months that you need to love and care for for the rest of your life." Noah looked at his uncle for a moment and then looked away. "You're allowed to be angry, son. But you can't allow your need to express your anger become that big of a problem."

"I know that," Noah said. "I'm careful. Trust me. Whitney and I even went to the clinic to get her on birth control and I even..."

He trailed off. Bear frowned. "You even what?"

He looked up at his uncle. "It's not my thing to tell."

"It is if you were involved," he retorted.

Noah chewed his words and then finally spit them out. "I made sure San was safe too." He looked at his uncle. "You don't need to give me the baby lecture. I gave it to San."

Bear chewed his lip. He gave a heavy sigh. He hated that he wasn't more shocked.

…...

"Rach?" Shelby said as she sat next to her daughter in bed. Her daughter looked at her and then turned back away from her. "Rachel."

"I'm sorry about what I said to Santana," she muttered.

"Don't apologize to me. You need to apologize to her." Shelby sat next to her. "Aunt Joey told me about a conversation you had with her and Bear."

Rachel turned on her back and looked at her mother. "About what? Why?"

Shelby sighed and looked at her baby girl. She tried not to see how young she looked with her hair sprayed over her pillow and her tired eyes looking up at her. She took a breath and laid down next to her daughter. She wrapped her arm around her and Rachel instinctively rolled into her side. Shelby gave a soft smile. Rachel always let her snuggle.

"She said you had a bad dream but she also said that you're upset because you believe I wanted you out of the house for the talk I had with the other kids."

"The sex talk," Rachel said casually into her mother's side.

Shelby nodded. "Rachel, I need you to tell me about your nightmares lately."

"I don't want to make you sad," Rachel said quietly. "I know I'm okay once I wake up."

Shelby felt her heart break a little. "Sweetheart, the fact that you're having them makes me sad. I want to hear about them."

Rachel searched her mother's eyes. Finally, she spoke. "They jump around a lot, but mostly they're of him taking me to the room."

Shelby frowned. "The room? Who's taking you there?"

"Hiram," Rachel whispered. She moved closer to her mother but sat up slightly and pulled her knees to her chest. "There was a room where we stayed. He used to tell Noah and San that he was changing my diaper." She paused. "I...I …. remember that room."

Shelby froze. She had had long talks with Elyse. They had concluded long ago that Rachel hadn't remembered that. Noah had told Shelby and then later the court about how Rachel would always comeback from that room in tears and later they discovered she had bloody diapers. Hiram had been raping Rachel in that room. He admitted in court that it was "just with his hands or other things." At that moment when he admitted that on the stand, Shelby had to leave the courtroom. She had to leave not only because it was unbearable to hear but because she had to throw up and she did in the hallway. He had stuck things in her baby girl while she lay there sobbing, begging for him to stop.

The mother looked at the back of her now eleven year old daughter's head. She sat up and pulled Rachel to her kissing the top of her head as she combed her hand through her hair.

"How much do you remember about that room?" Shelby managed to ask.

"He was mean to me," she said quietly. "He would yell at me and throw things at me. Then he would come for me and lay me down on the coffee table."

Shelby came into the conversation knowing it would be hard but her heart and stomach were in knots. She hadn't been expecting this. Buck up, she told herself. Her daughter had lived it, she could bear to hear it.

"He would hit me and then he would push me down and he would hurt me...down there... a lot. It always hurt down there," Rachel said still in a soft, distant voice. "I've been dreaming about that room lately."

Why hadn't she said anything about this before? Why was this coming out eight years later? Rachel had told some about what she admit some about living with Hiram but mostly about how he was angry and hit her and how she was scared, but she never talked to them about the "other stuff." They knew she knew about the rape, but only knew, not actually remembered it.

"Is something different that I need to know about, Rach? Anything that you think might prompt these dreams?"

Rachel was silent for awhile. She was looking at her hands. Shelby couldn't see her eyes. "Rachel?" she asked after a few moments.

"Did it hurt so much because he...he went inside?"

Shelby felt a bile rush up in her throat. Rachel looked up and saw her mother's look. Her head immediately snapped back to her hands. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she said hurried. "See? This is why I never say anything. You get sad. I'm sorry."

Rachel climbed over her mother and ran toward the door. She flung it open and saw Santana standing on the other side of it with a similar haunted look. She cried harder and pushed her sister away.

"I'm sorry," Rachel cried as she ran down the hallway. Bear walked into the hallway from Noah's room and Rachel practically ran into him. "I'm sorry," she said again. He carefully picked her up and she didn't struggle in his arms. "I didn't mean to," she whispered as she buried her face in Bear's neck.

"It's alright," he whispered. "It's alright."

Rachel felt a two hands under her arms. She flinched.

"It's just me, bug," Shelby whispered. "I'm sorry. I was just wasn't prepared for that question. I will answer it and we can talk more about this if you want to."

Rachel turned and reached out for her mother and Shelby carried her back to her room. "I'm sorry," she murmured to her mother.

"Don't be, bug," Shelby said. "I'm sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for."

She carried her daughter back to Rachel's room but not before sending her older daughter a faint smile and her older sister a pleading look. Joanne took her queue and approached the girl.

Shelby laid back down with Rachel and hugged her tightly back into her so that her cheek was flush against the side of her head.

"I'm sorry I reacted like that, bug," she said softly. "It's just that I wasn't prepared."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Rachel murmured repeatedly. Shelby couldn't help but wonder how many times the girl had sobbed that when Hiram told her she "had been naughty."

Shelby rocked her gently. "You have nothing to be sorry for. It was my mistake. You can talk to me, bug." She frowned. "Is this the reason you've never said anything before? Because you're afraid of how I'll react?" Rachel half shrugged her shoulder. "Sweetheart can you look at me for a second?" Rachel looked over her shoulder and then looked up slowly at her mother. "You need to know you can come to me when you're scared. Whenever you have bad dreams is this what you dream about?"

Rachel nodded. "I'm okay when I wake up," she said searching her mother's eyes. "I do come to you when I'm scared or San. I know I can talk to you... I just..." she frowned and looked at her hands. "I just don't."

"Why didn't you talk about it with Elyse?" Shelby asked.

Rachel shrugged. "Because I …. I was..." Shelby saw tears cascading down her cheeks. "People know... what happened... I'm... I'm on Google...I see how people look at me. I thought maybe I wanted to process it in my head first... and I …. I'm still processing."

"You don't have to process alone, bug," Shelby said as she combed her hair back with her hand and wiped her tears with her thumbs.

"but... I do..." she whispered. She looked up at Shelby with teary eyes. "Everyone... knows but me... and I want to figure out... what I…. what I know. Does that make sense?"

Shelby watched Rachel look at her with fear and worry. She kissed Rachel on her forehead. "I love you. And It does. But I would really like if you share with me what you're processing. you don't have to, but I would love for you to give me a chance and we can work together."

Rachel looked away and back down at her hands. "I... I didn't realize it until recently... I don't know...I always...knew, you know? but,...it comes back in bits and pieces ….I don't know what to say... I just... " She looked up at her mother. "I remember him on top of me...I think...I think that's when it was... but I remember crying and he was... on top of me..." Her glossy eyes looked up at her mother. Shelby held onto every fiber of her being not to look away and cry. "That really happened, right?"

Shelby looked at her tiny girl and took a deep breath. Her daughter needed her to be strong. "Yes, Rachel. It did."

She looked up at her with her big eyes. "Oh," she said looking at her hands. "I just... wasn't... I wanted to check."

She leaned back into her mother and Shelby took her safely into her arms. She never thought that she would have this conversation like this. Shelby knew that she would have to eventually. She could prepare for it, but she realistically couldn't. Based on what she has talked about with Elyse in the past eight years, they concluded she didn't remember a lot and they weren't going to push it. They knew that she remembered some but not all. But against, hindsight was 20/20 and as Shelby lay in the bed holding her baby girl she realized that she and Elyse didn't factor in Rachel's feeling, not about the trauma but about others. Even as a baby she was the most observant one in the family. She would sit on the floor, in the playpen, or in someones arms, just watching. She was quiet and she just soaked it all in. Shelby leaned down and kissed the top of Rachel's head as she combed her fingers through her long thick hair. Rachel never said anything because of everyone else, because she saw how they already reacted. And Shelby once again felt like a bad mother. How could she not have seen that? How did she miss what was going on in Rachel's head? You knew, she scolded herself. You knew that her nightmares should have been discussed, but you were too scared to push her. Eight years may seem like a long time to people on the outside. Time brought change in so many areas, but it also stood still in a majority of them. Their problems were still there, waiting for their turn to be addressed. This was only the beginning. Maybe Quinn had been right. She had been treating Rachel like she was broken. Perhaps she should give her more pace.

…...

Santana stared at her sister's door. She could hear the murmuring of their voices.

"Santana, let's go to your room," Joey said with her hand on her niece's arm.

"I don't want to talk to you," Santana said. "So please. Don't try."

"Santana," Joey said. "Let's go to your room."

The brunette walked ahead of her and sat on her bed. She could see Quinn sitting on the floor through the open bathroom doors.

"What do you want?" Santana asked. "Because honestly, I'm too exhausted to care."

"Cut the attitude," Joey said. "You need to get some sleep."

"I don't want to be in here talking to you. I don't..."

"Let your mom have some time with her," Joey said gently.

"No," Santana said. "I belong in there too."

"Santana," Joey said. "Stay here please."

"Don't you get it?" Santana said with a shake of her head.

"Actually, I do. I've been here," Joey said.

"Bull," Santana said brushing past her and into the bedroom across the hall, to where she was actually needed.

Santana opened her sister's room and saw Rachel laying sleepily on their mother. Shelby looked at her with understanding. "You sleep here, San, but that's it."

The girl gave a smile of thanks and crawled into her sister's bed.

Joanne gave a heavy sigh and looked over at the adjoining bathroom. Quinn was sitting on the floor with her hands folded with a look that said she needed to escape.

"Quinn?" Joey asked as she walked into the room. The girl jumped.

"What?" she said with a mask of fierceness.

"It's time for bed."

"Well I'm not tired," the blonde replied.

"Fancy that," Joey said sitting next to her. "Neither am I."

The blonde teenager looked at her in disgust. "You're not going to sit with me are you?"

"Maybe," Joey said with a shrug.

"I changed my mind," Quinn replied. "I'm tired. Please leave."

Joey tried to conceal her smirk at the girl's demand. She stood up. "Well, then good night, Quinn."

…...

Quinn laid in bed for a purposefully long time. She pretended to be asleep when Shelby came in to tuck her in. She pretended to be asleep when Joey peaked in a little while after that to confirm that she was 'asleep.' Quinn waited until the house was completely silent, until she was positive that people were asleep. She stood up and silently crept down the hallway. She made her way down the stairs and out the front door, not noticing the figure laying awake on the couch.

She wandered through the streets of Lima. They were familiar. The darkness of the night didn't scare her. It never did. there were far more scary things out there. She let her feet carry her around the neighborhoods until she found the place that she felt safe. The one thing that had been consistent. She took a seat and dove into the darkness of the old swing and allowed herself to escape.

"You shouldn't have left," a voice said gently.

Quinn looked up. Her heart was out of her chest by nature.

"Hi," she said to Joey. "I was going to come back. Are you going to tell?"

"I have to," Joey said. "But I knew you were going to come back. Also... I might tell Shelby we just went for a walk." She sat next to the girl on the swing. "Did you know Shelby and I grew up in Lima?"

She said it so casually.

Quinn nodded. "Yes, actually I did."

Joey laughed. "Your mother didn't like me," she said.

Quinn nodded. "Oh I know. She said a lot of terrible things about you and your husband."

Joey nodded. "Did she ever tell you we were friends?"

Quinn frowned. "What?"

"We were friends... Your mom and I." Joey said. "She and Shelby never got along, but your mom and I," Joey laughed. There was something about this brunette woman's laugh that lit up a room, or a dark park. "She and I got into so much trouble."

Quinn frowned. "I know she hates you. She always talked about what a disgrace you and your liberal ideals were to this community."

"They were once hers too."

"Well people grow apart. Get over it," she grumbled.

"I know," Joey said seriously.

The blonde teenager shook her head. "You're not going to give me some heartwarming hallmark channel lecture about how life and bad choices just caught up with my mother and that she'll come around, are you?" Joey looked at the girl, but Quinn couldn't read her. She went on. "Because I'm pretty sure that woman that I know and the woman you think you know, are two very, very different people."

"But in reality they're not Quinn," Joey said. "The Judy I know is in there somewhere."

"I'm pretty sure my mother's 'goodness' died a long time ago," she frowned. She shook her head. "I told her."

Joey stopped swinging and looked at her. "What?"

"I told her. I told her what he did. She knew. She knew about how he would beat me with the belt and sometimes she would even do it. But I told her that he..., I told her what he did when I was fourteen..." She looked at Joey in the pale moonlight. "Do you know what she did?" Quinn shook her head. "I thought that she was going to slap me. But instead, she laughed and then she beat the shit out of me. Those marks that that police report talk about? My father didn't give me those. I might still have some hope for my mother about other things, but...don't make her out to be some lost school girl, some Lima loser who got washed up in a bad situation. I don't need you to fight for her."

Joey watched the girl. Millions of thoughts collided in her mind. She knew where the girl would be and that she would be coming back because the look in her eyes was too familiar to the friend that she lost decades ago. Quinn looked at her waiting for a fight.

"Okay," Joey said. "I won't, but I'll tell you this. You have me. I know you don't know me and I don't know you, but I promise that I will fight for you."

Quinn shook her head. "Why?"

Joey looked at her softly with a smile that was more genuine than Quinn had ever scene. "Because I'm the best god damn lawyer around and," she said with a little sigh. "Why not?" She looked up at the moon. "You don't know this yet, but you deserve for people to fight for you. Not just me."

Quinn watched her in he darkness unsure of her intentions. The older woman stared up at the moon and remembered the last time she made the promise and how it had been misplaced. She had made the promise to a young Judy Garner who later became the infamous Judy Fabray. This time, Joey told herself. She would fight harder.

"I don't need you to," Quinn said standing up. "I'm not someone to save because you couldn't stay friends with my mother. I won't be your second chance. Can we leave please?"

Joey looked at her and to the girl's surprise she smiled. "Yes, we can leave. And whether you want, need, or bought it, you're getting my support, Quinn."

The girl frowned as she watched the older Corcoran walk to the car. She stood still. "Are you coming?"

"I guess, I am," Quinn mumbled and she followed Joey through the dark of the park toward the car.

**A/N: This was a long one, again. Let me know what you all think. **


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

M4A3E8 76W – Thank you for the review. Russell, Judy and Hiram all are awful people but these kids have a lot of good people fighting for them now and I am confident that they will all start to grow and heal – however, there are still some very rocky times ahead for them.

gleefanatic14 – you are not lazy in my eyes because you wrote a review. Rachel is going to start slowly remember what happened and Quinn is slowly realizing what a family is all about. Quinn was punished for her dodgeball incident. Plus Quinn and Santana are actually punished for a while. They just keep adding to it. Thank you for loving my story.

Gleek1990 – We will learn more about young Judy and why she is the why she is – but it is still very unacceptable. Unfortunately these kids are going to go through some more rough times before getting better but they are going to get better trust me they will. Thank you for such kind words about my writing, I am truly honored.

dreamchaser888 – Thank you so much for your review. I love my little family as well. Bear is a great role model for Puck and will help him tremendously as the story moves forward. They are all lucky to have Bear and Joey in their lives. Shelby is a very strong woman but even the strongest of people need support.

threeltlbirds – Thank you so much for your review! There is a lot more building so hold on.

Renata – Thank you so much for your review! It made me smile. And you review every chapter which I love. I am glad you agree with the way I am writing Rachel. No need to apologize for any grammatical reviews. I am grateful for your reviews and I love them. Hugs from America!

Shauna – Be lazy all you want – I don't consider it lazy because you reviewed! It is not wrong to want to hurt Hiram – I would think it quite the opposite. This whole family needs hugs and the girls really really need lots of hugs. Shelby will teach Santana the right way to feel. And you will hear more about Quinn and Finn in the next couple of chapters. Thank you

SuzQQ – Wow what a review ! Your wish is my command with Noah and Rachel and they weren't so much fighting as it was more like a disagreement. But don't worry they have their talk. It will be a long long time before Judy gets unsupervised visits with Quinn let alone custody back – and Russell will never get her. Everyone is going to go back to regular therapy with trained therapists that handle these types of trauma so that will help the family. Puck's decision on school wont be made anytime soon but he will have advice from his uncle and possibly some other strong men in his life. Rachel's schooling is still up in the air but Shelby will do what is best for her I promise you. You will hear more about Leroy in this chapter and what he brought to his family that he loved. As the kids get older they will want to remember Leroy more and hopefully the memories won't be too painful. I am so blessed that you review all the time and I can't thank you enough.

Fangirl44 – It is sad that she has to remember but for her to heal she has to do it. Thanks for the review.

Cookie – Thank you so much for reviewing. It is sad but they will eventually get better – just hold on because it is still very rocky.

NayaFan – Well hold on because the next couple of chapters are really emotional and lots are going to come out. Their stories have not fully unfolded yet and trust me you will hate the fictional characters some more. So grab the box of tissues for the next couple of chapters. But as bad as things get – the healing will come I promise but not for a while so I hope you will stay along for the ride. Thank you for your kind words. Again they mean so much coming from a fellow writer.

FacingFuture – Thank you for your review – unfortunately there are despicable people in this world but thankfully this is just a story.

TommyH – Thanks

btvscharmedgirl – Thank you I hope to keep explaining it.

TheTBone – I am not going to tell you if you are the 500th reviewer I am just extremely impressed by your reviews all the time. You also seem to pick out the pieces that I have written that were favorites of mine too. We will learn more about Judy's past but to be honest I don't think it will redeem her character in any way. You make me smile when I see that you have taken the time to review and then length of your reviews amaze me. So thank you so much ! Keep them coming.

val-cb – there are more intense chapters coming so hold on. Thanks again!

Tcathing – Brittana is going to come I promise but Santana has to sort out some of her feelings that are going on right now in her head before she can accept Brittany's love. She has to start loving herself first. Joey will be around a lot because Quinn needs to know everyone is in corner. Thank you again for your review.

marinka4 – Noah and Rachel will talk it out in this chapter. There is too much love between these two to have a little disagreement keep these two apart. Thanks for reviewing.

OTHangels – Bear is not going away anytime soon so Puck will get lots of man to man. The next couple of chapters are really emotional. Thank you for the review.

WittyNinja – I am sorry you have so many questions about the last couple of chapters and I hope to answer them in this chapter and the upcoming chapters. I have actually been thinking of a sequel but first there are many many more chapters before there is any sequel. Thank you for the review and please if you have any more questions, they are always welcome!

amandaes417 – Thank you for screaming but don't get yourself in trouble. Rachel is strong and she will have to stay strong while she continues to remember what happened to her. But she will have help but she will have to remember. Here is the next installment – I hope you enjoy – and reviews are always welcome.

NinjaGleek21 – the orders may be coming soon for the lighter. Real soon. But I will let you know. There is always hope! Thank you for reviewing as always.

pcall006 – I am glad I didn't offend you and I put the warnings in the beginning because they are intense and emotional. I feel honored from words regarding my writing. Thank you so much.

broadwaybound2016 – Thank you so much for the review. I hope you like this chapter – sorry for the delay in this chapter – I was sick and my body told me to get into bed.

HIsland429 – You will have to wait and see. Thank you for your review and hopefully some of your questions will be answered in the next couple of chapters.

**A/N: I know it might be hard to believe but these next few chapters will be a whirl-wind. this is one of the big story arcs that I've been planning. I've been building up to this for awhile... well, technically it's a few things... It's a big punch in the gut. I've already written the "explosion" for next chapter. Basically the point of this author's note is to prepare you. EVery scene I write serves at minumum one purpose and lately most scenes have served many. I've been dropping bread crumbs and in these upcoming chapters your close reading will be rewarded .**

**Also, sorry for the delay in the update. I was hit with sickness this week that confined me to my bed. I tried to write but my body wanted sleep. Blame my body and the sick child I had to hold. okay sorry, this chapter is a bit shorter than others. As always it was meant to be longer, but something is better than nothing right? Please let me know what you think. **

* * *

><p>Shelby opened her eyes when she felt a foot jam into her shin. Fudge-muffins, Shelby groaned internally to the early morning haze that shown into her daughter's bedroom. She turned to her right and Rachel was curled around George and her head was tucked in the crock of Shelby's arm. Shelby looked down. She shook her head with a silent scoff and her little foot lay newly ricocheted off of Shelby's ankle. Shelby turned and looked over Rachel at Santana who was laying ungracefully with her arm wrapped around Rachel while she rested her head on the other. Shelby was about to roll over and go back to sleep when Rachel shifted and her elbow knocked her in the ribs.<p>

She sat up and brought the comforter up around the girls and slowly left the room. She walked down the hallway with quiet feet and stopped in her son's room. He was laying similarly to Santana, with an absence of grace and exactly how he laid as a child: sprawled out. She closed the door and made her way to Quinn's room. Her heart skipped when she saw the bed was empty; it always did. It was out of habit,but she should know that Quinn was safe in her blanket nest.

She gave a sigh and walked down the hallway toward the backstairs. CoffeeCoffeeCoffee, she repeated the mantra in her head.

"Hi!" the loudest voice in the world boomed.

She hated that her sister was a morning person. She glared at Joanne; actually she was just a 24-hour person. She never slept; Shelby was still convinced that she was the energizer bunny. She had to be because she was perky all of the time. Well, Shelby rethought in her exhausted haze, not 'perky' as much as always going. she always had the energy of a small child on Christmas morning, whether it be while she's on a vendetta against "the Man" or making sure that she got the last M&M cookie at May's Cookie Haven downtown. She was tenacious, but she was also obnoxious, Shelby concluded.

"Coffee. Coffee. Coffee," she repeated the mantra as found her beloved coffee pot and fresh ground coffee.

"Shel-"

Shelby put her hand up. "No speaking until this coffee is brewed in a mug and in my hand."

"Shelby," Joey said.

"Shhhh," Shelby hissed.

Ten minutes later and five more scoldings from Shelby, the woman was content with her beloved coffee was brewed and in her hand in her favorite mug.

"Okay what?" Shelby asked. "What couldn't wait until the damn sun came up?"

"Guys, shut up," Bear called from the study. "Can you not fight until at least I'm not trying to sleep in the here?"

"Close the door," they both called out to him.

"I need to talk to you about,Quinn," Joey began quietly.

Shelby took a breath and almost rolled her eyes. "I knew this was coming."

Joanne frowned. "Knew what?"

"Nothing," Shelby muttered.

"No, spit it out, smartass," Joey hissed. Shelby felt like a child again with her big sister pinning her to the ground commanding that she say, "uncle" before she could receive her doll back.

Shelby sighed and took a sip of her coffee before answering. "You are bias about Quinn because of what you had with Judy."

Joey steeled her jaw. "I'm not bias. I'm a lawyer for Christ sake's."

"And bias therefore by nature about which side you are arguing for," Shelby argued. "Listen. I expected it." She sighed at her older sister's look. "And I know so did you once you found out who we were taking in."

"Does Mom know about Quinn?" Joey asked.

"Of course," Shelby replied taking another sip of her coffee.

Joey hesitated and then finally asked. "Does she know that it's Judy's kid?"

The question hung in the air slightly.

"Yes," Shelby finally answered. "She's very eager to meet her."

"I'm sure she is," Joey replied. "She loved Judy."

"Loved. Past tense," Shelby replied. "You and Mom had a weird infatuation with Judy Garner. You believed in her too much. She's not that girl. That woman is Judy Fabray." Shelby looked toward the door that headed back to the stairs. "You should know you have been playing like children in the community forever. Do not look for Judy in Quinn. Do. Not."

Joanne looked at her younger sister with a frown. "Shelby that's not what I was going to say," she said carefully.

Shelby shook her head. "Sure. It wasn't." She sighed. "It's not like some Lifetime movie where there's going to be a happy ending and Judy is going to emerge from her fog of selfish-crazy. She's not just some lost soul, Jo."

Joanne looked at her with her hands on her hips. "I know. This whole situation has made me see that."

"I know that it's what you're thinking. You always hope too much in people."

"Now that's the pot calling the kettle black," Joanne said with a laugh.

"Now let's get down to business." She took a sip of her coffee. "So where was she?" Shelby asked and grinned as Joey looked at her in surprise. "I know you know," she said. "I have ears like a hawk. I heard you two coming back last night."

She hesitated but finally spoke. "She was at the park... You know..." Joey said. "And you know what? She was fine. And we talked and..." Shelby looked at her with a cocked eyebrow. Her sister was ranting. "You can't punish her."

"I'm sorry?" Shelby said with a frown. "You don't really have a say, Jo."

"She's been through too much," Joey said almost ignoring her younger sister.

"Don't pull that sympathy pity shit, Jo," Shelby said returning to her task at the sink. "I can't let her get away with things. She can't up and leave the house in the middle of the night." Joey saw her look and started to say something. "Don't even try that lie you were going to tell me about how it was your idea to get ice cream or something and Quinn just happened to tag along."

"No, Shelby. She needed space. And I know you. You are "giving her space" but she's Judy's kid. Space for her is... the moon isn't far enough."

"You're ranting. And I'm her parent and you are not who you were in high school. I'm not. Judy definitely is not. So you need to let go of that illusion."

Joanne took a breath. "I know that. I mean no one is ever the same person. Everyone grows and all that crap. But... You can't ground her because I already know that she's grounded until next year for sure and...Well, you and I both know that Mom is going to punish the kids when you all get to Florida with all of her crazy chores and bologna." She looked at her younger sister. "I'm putting my foot down, Shel. It's not happening. Today, she's stressed because of all of the billion reasons she should be stressed. What happened with Noah is triggering things in her. And to add a cherry on top of her super terrible cake, she's seeing her mother today for the first time. Past or none, that wont easy for her."

Shelby stared at her, search for a reason for her to be wrong. "Fine. but when I tell her -"

"You're not," Joey said casually. Her sister glared at her. "You're not because she needs to think that she has something because we all know you're winning."

"It's not about 'winning,' Joey," Shelby said with a frown. "Parenting isn't about keeping score."

"Yes it is," Joanne interjected. "That's how Quinn sees it. She needs a win." She looked at her sister with directness and hope. "Come, give 'er a win."

Shelby took a breath and shook her head. She looked at her sister with the same frown that she gave her when she threw her favorite cassette tape out the window on the trip back from Columbus.

"Fine," she said drying her hands. "Quinn's not Judy. Not even close."

Shelby started out of the room.

"I know that," Joey said in almost a dry tone. "I've known that for awhile, but I realized it for real when I talked with Quinn." Shelby looked at her with narrowed eyes. "Quinn told me a few things you should know."

…...

_She was in the dark again. She had her knees pulled up to her chest. "Don't make a noise, bug," Noah had told her. She wouldn't. She would be quiet. She could hear Santana crying on the other side of the door. She put her hands to her ears and began to cry. The door flung open. She shook as the big-booted man reached out and grabbed the front of her nightshirt and dragged her out. _

"_Rachel!" he screamed as he shook her. He was still gripping so tightly onto her baggy nightshirt that her chest was exposed. "What the hell do you think you're doing in there?" he screamed inches from her face. He shook her and she felt herself give a shirl cry. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" _

Her eyes popped open and she felt like she had been falling and her body landed with a jolt. She was breathing heavily. Was she going to have a bad dream every time she slept?

"Shhhh," Santana said quietly.

Rachel turned and her sister was laying next to her like she used to. She felt herself relax. Santana was always there. Always.

"We should get up," Rachel murmured rolling on her side and looking at her sister.

Santana huffed and her eyes remained closed. "Rachel, it's the crack of dawn. Go back to sleep."

"San," she said with a small huff and a smile. "It's almost nine thirty. There's stuff to do." She trailed off as she remembered the details of the last two days and particularly why her sister was sleeping in her bed. She looked around; she was almost positive her mother had been there too. She reached out and grabbed George who was tucked behind a pillow.

Santana didn't move or open her eyes. "Like I said, bug, crack of dawn," she said.

Rachel sighed with a frown. Events from the last few days flooded back and she remembered that she should be mad. With a thoughtful frown she crawled slowly out of bed.

"Rach?"

She turned and looked at her sister, who was now sitting up slightly and looking at her. "I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who yelled at you," Rachel said quietly. Santana sat up and looked at Rachel intently. The younger girl shook her head slightly and she realized. "Oh...That's not what you meant," she realized out loud. "I'm fine."

She watched as her older sister played intently with her finger tips with a deep set frown. "I didn't mean to leave you," Santana whispered.

Rachel wasn't sure what she said at first. She couldn't quite hear it. she scooted back onto the bed and knelt back on her heels. "Why would you say that?" There was a brokenness in her voice. "I never thought that and you never did." Santana remained silent. "What aren't you telling me?"

Santana gave a deep breath and forced her tears back. She waited to look up until her eyes were dry before she put on a small smile. "Nothing, Rach," she said quietly. She looked at her eleven year old sister. She wasn't a brave person; she couldn't tell the little girl that in an effort to save herself she destroyed her; she couldn't tell her that Rachel had nightmares because of her. She wasn't brave enough to say that and she knew that because she was barely brave enough to feel it.

She looked at her with sad eyes. "You're never honest with me because you're afraid it would hurt my feelings."

Santana couldn't respond; she could only look back at her in silence. She couldn't shake her head or find it in her to tell Rachel she was wrong and to lie to her like she usually did about the hard stuff. Instead, all she could was sit here and look at her as she sat there with her mess hair and her nightgown. And all Santana could see an even younger Rachel in those big brown eyes, hoping for someone to save her.

"Nevermind, San," she mumbled.

"Rachel," she called after her weakly. "Rachel, please don't be mad."

The girl turned and looked at her with a tearful smile. "I'm not," she said quietly. "I'm just..." She swung George in her arms slightly. "I'm just... full."

She turned and headed out of the room. Even though she may look like a child, even though she slept with her sister and her mother, she wasn't a child. Their pasts had tainted that too deeply. It was too scaring. It was too much had happened. Rachel left the room wondering if the only relationship she was going to have with her sister was the same one she had when she was two years old. Would they be stuck forever in that time?

Once in the hallway, she paused when she heard a door open. She watched as her older brother saunter out of his room tiredly. His eyes were barely open. He paused when he saw Rachel standing there. He gave her a small smile.

"Thanks for the cake, Bug," he said quietly.

She looked at him and then looked down at her hands. She couldn't move from one sibling to the other treating like that. It was just too much. She looked down at George and fiddled with the edge of her nightgown.

"You're welcome," she mumbled. "I'm sorry your birthday wasnt what you expected," she said after a few moments.

"It's fine," he said.

She looked up at her big brother. He was so tall. "I got you something," she said quietly. She shrugged one of her shoulders. "But I …. It's not ready yet."

He chuckled. "You didn't have to."

She gave him a small smile. "I wanted to."

He knelt slightly. "I'm sorry, bug." She looked at him. "You have every right to be angry with me."

She looked up at him with a frown. "I'm not mad at you."

"What?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes. "I mean I was when you told but then... I wasn't. It's about how I reacted."

"Rachel," he began. "You did nothing wrong."

"I do things wrong all of the time," she said quietly. "You guys just wont see it."

"Can we talk please?" He saw that she was looking at him with a deep set frown. "Come on, please? I was rude to you. And I scared you. That's me not you."

Rachel frowned. "I told you I'm not mad you don't need to apologize," she said.

"Fine," she said quietly.

"Wait a sec, okay," he said as he shifted and adjusted his sweatpants and himself.

"You're so gross," she said with a sigh. He rolled her eyes. He had once told her that he didn't talk to them about boobs so they couldn't judge him as he adjusted himself.

"Whatever," he laughed. "I have to pee and then we'll talk. Meet me in my room?"

"Your room smells like feet," she said scrunching her nose.

He stopped on his way to the restroom and laughed. "We had to clean yesterday." He sighed. "It's so clean in there you won't even know what to do with yourself."

Rachel sighed and went to her brother's room.

…...

Quinn rolled over and stared at the ceiling. Everyday seemed longer than the next. Normally she wanted most days to end so that the next one could begin. However, she hoped primarily because she wanted to be further away from where she had been, further away from him. But not today. Today was different. Today she was seeing her mother. She gave a heavy sigh. It was the last thing that she wanted to do. Her mother certainly wasn't Mother Teresa. She wasn't even close to the ground that Mother Teresa may have spit on. She frowned. Mother Teresa probably didn't spit. She had heard things about who her mother had been and who the community thought she was. However, Quinn knew the woman. She knew the woman she knew and that woman was angry and pathetic. What hurt the most is that person that she hated and that person who she looked down upon was supposed to be her mother. She was supposed to be the person that helped her when she was upset; the one that reassured her; the one she was supposed to want to be. Judy Fabray was none of those things. Quinn didn't care. She couldn't.

A heavy sigh interrupted her thoughts. She looked up and could see Santana was staring at herself in the mirror through the bathroom door that was left ajar.

"No matter what you do, you'll still look like that," Quinn called out

"Shut it," Santana scolded. "Enjoy this new family life. Grounded and all?" she asked with a roll of her eyes as she came into Quinn's room.

"I'm not grounded," Quinn said.

Santana scoffed. "You're kidding right?" Quinn continued to look at her with an amused frown. "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint Barbie, but in this house groundings can go on forever. The minute you think she's forgotten she has a lovely way of reminding you." Quinn scoffed and shook her head. "You laugh, Q, but my mom is nuts."

"Have you met my mother?" Quinn said with a shake of her head.

"Maybe not that nuts," Santana said. "But..."

"Close," Shelby said suddenly from the door. "I'm glad to see the two of you are up. I haven't given you your assignments yet. "

Santana groaned. "Please, sweet baby jesus, no," she mumbled into her hands that now covered her face.

Quinn frowned and looked at Santana and then back at Shelby. "What assignment?"

"5,000 words by Monday at 7pm," Shelby said simply.

The blonde gawked. "You're joking."

"Do I look like I'm joking?" Shelby asked with her hands on her hips. Shelby looked at Santana. "Santana, 5,000 words on the meaning of sex."

Santana's head snapped up. "What?" she looked almost wounded. She looked embarrassingly at Quinn, who also felt like a deer in the headlights. "Mom."

"You can start it after breakfast if you want," Shelby said. "Go wash your face and brush your hair. I want to talk to you in your room afterward. I'll be in in a few minutes."

Quinn watched as Santana left. She couldn't help but see the confusion and exhaustion in the girl's frown.

Once the water was running in the bathroom, Shelby turned to her. "Quinn," she began.

"I dont want to write anything," Quinn said quickly.

"Well, too bad that's the rule. You might find it cathartic. You'd be surprised to see how many essays the kids have written. Mostly San and Noah, but the prize few by Rachel have been interesting. I have to say her essay 'Drivers of Horse-Drawn Carriages Are Not Evil, But They Are Working for the Devil' was my all time favorite of Rachel's." Quinn continued to stare at her with trepidation. "These are meant to be not just punishment but you're to get something from it. Even if that something is just an outlet for your frustration."

"Punishment?" Quinn laughed shaking your head. She looked at her hands and mumbled, "You know nothing about punishment."

"Quinn." The blonde looked up with a glare, daring Shelby to counter her and give her a lecture. However, Shelby continued. "You see your mother today."

Close enough to a lecture, Quinn scoffed internally. "Don't remind me," she said standing up.

"Did Jackie explain to you the details of this visit?"

Quinn looked away with a shake of her head. "Probably but I dont remember. Mostly because I wasn't listening."

Shelby nodded. "Well, you wont be alone with her. She can't talk to you about your father or the case in any way." The girl just continued to nod and stare at her hands. "She can't threaten you. She can't hit you. Jackie will be there the whole time." The mother gave a slight nod watching Quinn's body language. "You can just have fun."

"I'm pretty sure that my mother and I have never had 'fun,' Quinn said with a frown.

"Well, this is a perfect time to try."

Shelby continued to watch her. She knew she shouldn't say this. She knew it was wrong. She knew she shouldn't tell Quinn this and that she should wait for Jackie to tell her. However, Joey was right. She needed power. Shelby knew the system; she worked in it. Normally teenage clients didn't get this information unless something came up. Unless there was a reason for it be told. However, Shelby argued with herself, Quinn needed this piece of information. She needed to know, even though Shelby knew that it would not help Judy get her daughter back. Shelby thought again, Let's be honest, she told herself. Judy didn't have a prayer. It didn't matter that Shelby was going to tell Quinn this.

"You know, Quinn," Shelby said. Quinn looked up at her. "You have the power to cancel any visit that you have with your mother."

The blonde looked with her with wide eyes. "What?"

"Yup," Shelby said. "Children over the age of twelve can chose not to go." The blonde girl looked up with big eyes. "I'm serious. That doesn't mean you should cancel frequently, but you always have the choice."

"Seriously?" Quinn asked with a frown. Shelby nodded. "So if I don't want to go today if I don't have to."

Shelby nodded. "Sweetheart, this whole situation is about you and what's best for you." She emphasized each word carefully. "A lot has happened and if you don't want to see your mother. You don't have to."

"She'll be mad," Quinn said shaking her head.

Shelby looked at her softly. "That's the thing, Quinn," she said gently. "The change starts here. You shouldnt be doing anything because you're scared that you're mother will be angry or punish you." She watched the girl's eyes flicker up. You're not supposed to earn your mother's trust back. She's supposed to earn yours and earn the right to be your mother again."

Quinn laughed and shook her head. "She's not going to change."

"that might be true," Shelby said quietly. "But how will you ever know if you dont give her a chance." Quinn watched her.

"So what's my assignment?"

Shelby nodded. "I want 5,000 words about where you see yourself in five years."

"Could you be anymore cliche?" Quinn scoffed. "Plus isn't this a punishment?"

"You're right," Shelby said straightening. "But it's also supposed be a gate way to express yourself. Now I could ask you to write an essay about your relationship with your family." She saw Quinn's eyes widen. "But I wont," she continued. So how does the topic sound now?"

"Fine," Quin said. "It's sounds just fine."

"Alright, go down stairs breakfast is ready," Shelby said standing up. The girl started out of the room. "Wait," Shelby said. The girl stopped, sighing in defeat because she was so close to escaping. "I've noticed you dont eat a lot."

"I'm not a big eater," Quinn said quickly.

"Well, I simply want you to know that I've noticed. And, I'll continue to watch. You need to eat more, Quinn," Shelby said. Quinn rolled her eyes. "Do you want to go downstairs and try or do you want to continue to discuss this more?"

The blonde frowned. "Fine. Can I go?"

Shelby nodded and watched the girl practically bolt from the room. She bit her bottom lip. Please, Judy she begged internally, be on your best behavior. Your daughter needs you. She sighed hoping her foreboding feeling wasn't right.

She turned to the bathroom and saw Santana in her room sitting on her bed with her arms folded.

She sighed and walked across the hallway. "We need to talk."

"I would really rather not," Santana whispered. However, she didn't have the venom in her.

Shelby watched her daughter carefully and took a seat next to her. "I'm grateful that you and Quinn are getting along better."

"Whatever," Santana muttered.

"But," Shelby said, causing the girl to look up slowly. "You dont need to put on the same face for her as you do for Rachel. And you shouldn't for Rachel either."

"I didn't put on a face for Quinn," Santana said with a frown.

"Yeah, you did," Shelby said gently. "You put on your Taz Face."

"I dont have that face anymore."

Shelby chuckled. "As your mother, I can can definitely say that you do."

Santana sighed and looked away from her mother. Maybe it had been a face. However, she hadn't put it on intentionally rather than she just suffacated her emotions into a pause to deal with something else. She squeezed her eyes shut. Completely different, she told herself.

"IThat's different," she whispered. She felt tears fill her eyes. Something that she had purposefully tried to forget was rushing into her present.

_Santana held onto her father's hand as they walked out of the recording studio. He had to just listen to a set with his coworker. Santana had waited as patiently as possible. Well, she frowned as patiently as an eight year old could. However, Noah was the ansty one and Rachel well, while adorable in her toddler state was loud. Santana, she smiled with a little shake of her head. SHe knew her dimples were showing. She scrunched up her nose and gave another firm nod. She was the best Corcoran. Of course. _

_Her father had been feeling slight tired. She gripped onto his hand tighter. _

"_Thanks for waiting, Sanny," Leroy said with a grin. "You're my best oldest daughter." _

_Santana rolled her eyes. "I'm your only oldest daughter." _

_They headed toward the elevator. He was walking slower than usual. Normally, Santana was trying to catch up with him. Today, she was practically pulling him. When they walked to the studio two hours earlier, he was acting funny. He had even asked her to hold his other hand because he said that his left was falling asleep. They stood at the elevator waiting. She was thankful because her father had told his partner he had to go because he felt the flu was coming. _

"_I'm sorry, Jim," Leroy laughed. "I'm just feeling really run down today. Let me pick up my other kids and i'll be back. Also I need to grab some Advil. You gave me a headache buddy!" _

_Now they stood at the elevator. Santana frowned at her father as they hand not holding onto hers rubbed his eyes tiredly. Her dad was always high energy. Seeing him sick was like seeing another person. _

"_I can make you soup, Daddy," she said with a smile. She shrugged. "I'll even change Rachel's diaper. She tugged on her father's arm so that he looked at her. "But only if it's pee. Noah can change it if she poos. Daddy, she should really be potty trained." _

"_She's... She's …. uh," he stumbled on his words. The elevator dinged. "Wor-kin... She's trying."_

_He had a funny look on his face.  
><em>

"_Are you alright, Daddy?" _

_Leroy took a breath and shook his head trying to shake off the feelings. "I'm fine, Taz." He sighed and got onto the elevator. "You're a good kid. You dont have to suck up to me." He sighed leaning against the side of the elevator. He took a deep breath. _

"_I'm not sucking up," Santana said with a smile as she pushed the button. The fancy studio was on the 45th floor. It was a long ride down; it was always her favorite part. He gave her a weak smile. "Fine. Maybe a little. But I promise you, for reals, I'll always look after them. Rachel, of course, but Noah only sneakily. He doesn't think he needs looking after but he does." _

_Leroy gave a weak chuckle. He was breathing heavily like he did after a run. "Are okay, Daddy? You look like you did that time when me and Noah had the flu and we both threw up on you. Are you going to throw up?" Leroy didn't respond. "Dad?" _

_He fell to the ground. Her eyes grew wide. She hadn't even realized that he needed help standing up. She would have helped him. _

"_Dad! Daddy?" she screamed falling to him. They were only at the 39th floor. _

Santana hated her eight year old self for so many reasons. However, the biggest one was because an eight year old in a moment of panic, shock, and horror, wouldn't realize that she could have pressed the 37th Floor button instead of riding all the way down to the lobby. A smarter person would have known that. She should have known that.

She remembered how he took her hand at the thirtih floor and looked at her, but he couldnt respond. And she remembered how by the fifth floor there was barely any grip back and he was no longer looking at her. His eyes had closed. She remembered chasing after him to the ambulance and being carried by a police officer, away from him. She remembered screaming the dumbest thing. She hated that she screamed this. She had said, "I'll change all the diapers! I promise! I promise I'll look after them! Please just come back!"

He never did. And she had failed.

She looked up at her mother with sad eyes.

"San?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she looked down at her hands. "I'm sorry I said those things to you. I …. I didn't mean them."

"San," Shelby began.

"No," Santana replied shaking her head. "I made a promise. And I broke it. I promised him that I would look after them and..." The girl stood up and put her head in her hands. "She remembers, Mom. I heard her."

"Santana," Shelby tried.

The teenager tried and failed to shake back her tears. "I heard her. I heard her just now tell you. I heard it happen then. I heard all of it." She let her legs crumble beneath her. "I hear the rumors around town about …. about Russell Fabray. I …. I hear... Quinn cry at night. I hear all of it. I hear Rachel when she wakes up scared. I … I …. "

Shelby pulled Santana to her and just let her cry. The police told her that when Leroy was taken away from Santana that she screamed after them and promised to take care of her siblings. The burdens that Santana bore were never more obvious to Shelby in that moment.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Santana stopped crying. She calmed and stayed for a moment in her mother's arms, willing her problems away in that moment.

"Santana," Shelby whispered. "I love you very much." The girl smiled against her mother's arm. "I will always love you. No matter what you do. On Monday at the clinic, I need you to be honest with the doctor. And I would really like it if you tell me."

Santana pushed herself up and looked at her mother. Exhaustion radiated from her eyes. "I can't, Mom."

"Santana, this topic won't be dropped, but I want you to tell me because I need you safe. And I need you to know that you telling me doesn't make me love you any less. You think of that number and you think shame. That's why you don't want to tell me. And shame is okay to feel, but not from me. I'm not ashamed of you." She cupped the girl's face. "Not now. Not ever. I am your mother and I will love you forever. And there's nothing you can do about that."

Santana trembled as she released a breath. She looked at her mother. She bit her lip and looked at her hands. "Okay," she said quietly.

When the number came off her lips, Shelby tried her best not to tear up, but she couldn't help it. She pulled Santana to her and rocked her gently. "I still love you, sweetheart. Thank you for telling me." She thought about the number in her mind as she held Santana. A question flashed. "Did they ever force you?"

"No," Santana said quickly. "No."

Shelby pulled her to her again. "You're so much more than the person you think you are," she whispered. "You deserve to be loved by someone with as rebellious of spirit and a kindness of heart as you."

Santana felt tears sting her eyes. She didn't know what love was. She didn't want to feel it. The fullness of her heart scared her. The possibility of love scared her; Brittany scared her. She was just too full. Her mind was racing as she lay there in her mother's arms.

"I want you to think about something, San," Shelby said. "I want you to do this for me." Santana pushed herself up and looked at her mother. Shelby continued. "I want you to think about the choices that you make today and as you think about them and as you're about to make them, I want you to think about me and Rachel." Santana froze. "I want you to remember that I love you and that you're more than this. But most of all I want you to think, when Rachel is sixteen, do you want her to make these same choices?"

"Mom, that's completely different," Santana said quickly. "Rachel will never go to parties or kiss boys or do anything with anyone!"

Shelby nodded slowly. "She will. Someday she will and do you want this for her?" The mother saw the confusion and the panic set on Santana's face. "What you're feeling at this moment, is fraction of what I feel for you all the time. For all of you. Rachel is your sister and you are my daughter. My panic, worry and concern is at minimum one hundred fold what you're feeling." She took her daughter's hand. "You might hate yourself and think that you dont deserve good things, but you do. You are incredible," Shelby said slowly. "Everything that you think Rachel deserves at sixteen so do you."

Santana leaned back. Now not only was her heart full but her head was combusting. Leave it to her mother to permanently curse her to think about Rachel during sex, if she was ever going to have sex again... She thought about it more. Rachel at sixteen seemed like a horrifying idea.

"Okay," she whispered.

….

"Your room does look rather nice," Rachel said once her brother returned.

"Thanks, bug," he smiled. He sat down next to her. ˚So I'm sorry, okay? About...scaring you and getting mad."

Rachel gave a nod. "It's alright. You had every right to be mad at me." She picked at her hands. "I think part of me wishes that you were mad at me more."

"What?" he asked confused. "You and San don't yell at me, but you should. I should be …."

Noah watched Rachel carefully. "No," he said quietly. "You do know that you shouldn't be yelled at for something just to make it matter."

"You yell at people you care about," Rachel said quietly.

He frowned. "Where did you hear that?"

"A play, I think," Rachel said. Noah nodded, baffled. "I just want to be normal and normal people yell," she whispered. "I know that sounds dumb and childish and even naive, but ….. Haven't you just wanted to be like everyone else?"

Noah frowned. "I guess so, but … not really." He sighed and looked at her quietly. "Rachel, I'm sorry. I was mad."

"I was never mad at you," Rachel said again. "I'm not. I ….. can't be. I know you were just trying to protect me by never yelling but... I dont want you treat me different."

The boy frowned. "Wait? And if I yell then that means you're normal?" He sighed. "I know fights for us aren't normal."

"You're all afraid I'll remember if you do things... but... Maybe." The gilr muddled over the words. "Maybe I'm meant to remember?"

He watched her carefully. "I'm …. I dont want to be the one that scares you, Rach. I reminded you of him and that kills me."

She shook her head. "Little sisters are supposed to annoy their brothers. It's a law. I'm not supposed to get scared of you because you knocked over a chair." She looked up at him. "Those things shouldn't scare me."

He gave her a soft smile. "But they do, Rach." He met her eyes gently as he pulled her gaze to his by tilting her head up. "And that's okay. That doesn't make you any less normal." He sat up and looked at her. "We do act different about you. That's true." Rachel looked up at him with wide eyes; she was surprised at his honesty. "And in all honesty, Rach, that might not change. I promise to try to stop babying you. I promise that. However, you'll always be my bug. And I'll always feel like crap if I make you cry or scared."

"I'm going to grow up someday, Noah," Rachel said with determined eyes. "And I need people to see me as Rachel and not the baby. I just want people to see me as me. Does that make sense?"

He nodded. "I'll always see you, Rach." He sighed. He needed to give her an inch. "You're not a baby. I promise I'll try to give you more credit." She grinned. "But." She paused. "You'll always be bug to me."

She released a sigh and rolled her eyes. "Fine," she said. She stood up and grabbed his old jersey. "I'm going to wear this okay?"

He arched his brow. "Rach, that's like a million years old."

She laughed. "It fits me better than you," she said as she started out of the room with it.

"Whatever," he said. "Take it."

She stopped mid step and turned to him. "Remember when we used to play hide and seek?"

He nodded. "Yeah. You were always the worst to find. You squeezed into small spaces and fell asleep."

She bit her lip thoughtfully and walked toward him. "I had …. I remembered that..." she thought more deeply. "Thanks for hiding me, Noah."

He looked at her. There was a huge pressure in his chest and he was sure there was a piece of sand or a twig or something in his eye.

"Well, see yeah," she started out of the room. Her hands shot up. "Wait! I forgot!"

He frowned and watched her sprint out of the room with his old jersey. Just as he finished wiping his eyes she was back and she had changed out of her nightgown and into a pair of spandex and his jersey. Man, that girl was fast.

"I have your present." He frowned. "For your birthday, peabrain."

She handed him a small box and he laughed. Rachel always gave him the best gifts. They may have always been the most ridiculous but they had always been the best. One year she gave him a crayon sculpture. Legitimately, she had dumped all 500 Crayola crayons out on the dining room table and hot glued them together. Granted, being the 'smart' and 'creative' eight year old that she was, to protect her hands she used their mothers $50 gloves. The sculpture, Rachel explained was meant to be a trophy, because that year Noah lost a big game. He couldnt remember in what sport. However, he had a crayon trophy to prove that he won something that year. Noah smiled at his now eleven year old sister, wondering what she would give him.

"Open it," she said proudly.

He laughed and opened it. He smile faded slightly. In the little box was a guitar pick. He hadn't seen that in years.

"I found it," she said. "I know it used to be his, but... I thought well... You're eighteen and you're therefore legallllllllly, a grown up. Maybe you should have it."

He looked at it carefully. "Where did you find it?" He knew that most of their father's things were either out on display or in storage.

Rachel shrugged. "I have to have my secrets." She laughed. "I just...I dont remember much about him, but I know he played and you played...And I realized well... I didn't play." She grinned. "So, I thought you should have it." She bit her lip looking carefully in his eyes waiting for him to say something. He was still staring at the pick. "Fine," she sighed. "I'll tell you."

He put up his hand. "No," he said gently. "You're right. Every girl needs her secrets." He touched her nose. "Especially you. This is the best gift ever, Rach. Thank you."

She shrugged bashfully. "You're welcome." She tried to break her brother from his trance. "What did everyone else give you?"

"Nothing as good as this."

…...

Quinn mandered down the stairs and into the kitchen. What was that smell? Oh sweet mother of all that is holy, she thought. Someone found their sanity and made bacon. She turned the corner and frowned.

"What are you doing here?" she frowned. Bear was at the stove range and Joey was cutting fruit.

"We said last night that we were staying that night," Joey said casually.

"I thought that was a joke," she responded dryly.

"Well, it's not," she said. "Pick your poison. Breakfast buffet. Waffles, pancakes, eggs-"

"Rachel's vegan," Quinn said.

"Well, no one else is,"Joey said. "I'm vegetarian but Bear here is a carnivore. Plus. we made something special for her too. She doesn't eat a lot."

"Why?" Quinn asked as she grabbed a pancake by instinct and a pile of bacon.

"Well, she's vegan and she's growing and she needs her nutrients," Joey said. "Simple. Eat up, Quinn."

The blonde looked at her food and paused. She told Shelby she wasn't a big eater and that was true. However, pancakes and bacon were her weakness. She stopped though after she poured syrup on her plate. She couldn't eat all of this. She hadn't been able to eat a big meal since... Her mind drifted. She stared at the pancakes and bacon. She bit her lip. She liked to eat ….It was just... Her mind raced. She couldn't even form words other than one simple statement: Her father always came to her after dinner. After that time when she was fourteen, she almost always threw up. It wasn't because she didn't like eating. It was simply because she couldn't stomach it, any of it. She continued to stare at her plate.

"Quinn? Are you alright?"

"I think I took too much," she muttered.

"We have plenty here," Bear said casually.

Joey watched the girl. It wasn't about the pancakes. "One bite at a time, Quinn," she said gently. "Eat whatever you want."

Quinn nodded slowly and picked up her fork and slowly began to eat. Why couldn't every problem be solved with pancakes and bacon?

About a half in hour later the whole family was gathered in the kitchen eating. Quinn had managed to eat a pancake and two pieces of bacon. She was trying not to see Joey's face. Quinn distracted herself when she saw Shelby ask Rachel to speak with her in the living room. This may have meant to be subtle. However, it caught almost everyone's attention, even the dog that seemed to putter around the room looking for fallen scraps.

Rachel followed her mother into the other room.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I was wondering how you want to tell them that you're not in school anymore," Shelby said gently.

"Why do they have to know?" Rachel asked. She looked distressed. "Mom, it's embarassing."

"Rachel, they need to know. And they'll notice when you don't have to be picked up at school." Shelby sighed and took her daughter's hands. "Do you want me to tell them or do you want me to?"

Rachel stuck her bottom lip out and bowed her head. She didn't want this to be a family discussion. It was humiliating. "Do I have to be in there?"

Shelby looked at her daughter in concern. "Yes," she said. "Rachel, this isn't something to be ashamed of."

"Yes, it is," Rachel muttered and she ran back into the kitchen. Shelby followed her and as she entered Quinn was scraping her plate into the trash.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing," Rachel grumbled as she walked toward the backdoor.

"Bug, come here," Noah called out. Rachel sighed and went to him. He pulled her close. "If you want to stop being treated like a baby you can't storm out like one. Tell us what's up?"

Rachel gave a nod and looked at the family. She sighed. "Mom pulled me from school. I'm schoolless."

"Good," Santana scoffed. "That school sucked."

"Rachel, we will find something for you when we all come back from break," Shelby said.

"All of us?" Quinn asked.

"All of us," Joey grinned.

"We're leaving for Florida to visit my parents -"

"Our parents," joey interjected.

"Our parents," Shelby continued. "We leave on Friday."

"You're joking?" Quinn asked in disbelief. She hated her grandparents. She certainly didn't need anymore.

"Nope," Shelby replied. "Not kidding at all."

….

* * *

><p><strong>AN For those of you who don't remember, Leroy died of a stroke. Also, I purposefully didn't say Santana's number. You will never know it because my idea of big and your idea of big is different. No judgement. I wasn't going to put a number for fear of offending or causing any shame in any of my readers. What we do and the choices we make shouldn't be dictated by another. We all make mistakes and no one knows more deeply than us how severe they are. There's not need for other's judgement. Again, sorry for the delay. I had a terrible head cold. **

**Again, this chapter was meant to be longer but sickness interfered slightly. Please let me know what you think. The next few chapters will be a whirlwind. Please please please review. They really help me. It means so much. **


	23. Chapter 23

TommyH – Thank you for your consistent reviews – it keeps me going – this chapter is not as fluffy so hold on.

OTHangels –Brittany and Santana will be in it more I promise but as I said before Santana has to deal with some really deep emotions right now so be patient but it will come. Thanks for the review.

sillystarshine – thank you I am feeling better. Yes whirlwind chapters are coming so hang on – this story is about to get more dramatic so hold on. Thank you for reviewing.

NayaFan - Leroy and Santana had something special and there is so much that Santana keeps holding in – she is just a teen trying to process some really heavy adult stuff but now that she is opening up more Shelby and others can help her process things better. Thank you for your awesome review.

NinjaGleek21 – The grandparents trip will be an adventure for all. Kurt wasn't enough to keep Rachel in that school – Shelby will find something much better for her little bug! Thanks for the review.

Random Dice – Thank you for saying you would wait for eternity for me to update but I promise I will never make you wait that long. Leroy and Santana had something very special and poor Santana has held so much in – she will always be daddy's little girl. I am starting to feel better as I type this so thank you. Reviews I think make me get better faster.

Mia125 – I am glad that I could make your day. Your words are so kind about my stories. Your reviews make my day. Thank you.

Stepheyy – I hope you get to see your Godchildren again as well. Thank you for reviewing.

broadwaybound2016 – All caps you must have been excited. I had hoped to get this out sooner and for it to be longer but my body said no – I am glad you liked it. Thank you for reviewing.

HIsland429 – Thank you for your review. I had hoped to cover so much more in the chapter but I saved it for this one. Joey was only holding out hope for a long lost friend but I think now she realizes that her old friend is beyond saving. This chapter will let you know about how Judy is pulling herself together for her daughter.

hersheysforever – Oh no – you must be in my head ! Haha – Hang on!

sophielovesglee – Puck will always take care of his little bug – but he knows that he has to give her space and he will. Thanks for the review.

Ryoko05 – Thank you so much for my hug! I am starting to feel much better – there will be more and more family moments trust me. Thanks for the review it is really appreciated.

AcexofxSpades – Thank you for calling me awesome. I loved that line myself and it is so necessary for Santana to believe it. Thanks for the review.

banjojd - Never apologize for not reviewing every chapter – trust me I love when people do it but I know that it is hard. I appreciate more than you know your kind words. Rachel is trying to gain more independence and she will struggle as she remembers more. Quinn has so many walls to break down that it is not that easy for her to accept people who are showing her love. Imagine rarely ever getting that. Santana and Leroy were very close and that is part of the reason that her walls are still very much intact. But even though it is a daily struggle for all – they will slowly process – albeit in different ways. Thank you for sticking with my story and I hope I continue to please you.

Hail the Wolves – Thank you for your review. I am feeling better so I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint.

marinka4 – Noah and Rachel will be fine. I hope you like the meeting with Judy in this chapter. Florida is coming soon but they still have loving grandparents so I am sure there might be a little bit of fun and relaxation for Shelby and the kids. Thank you for reviewing.

piecesofyourheart – Thank you for your review. I am glad you liked the idea of no number. Will Quinn meet the grandparents, not so sure, Quinn is not really up to meeting more people, she is having enough trouble processing the amount of new people right now.

md09 – Thanks for the review – there is lots more of Santana coming – although since it is a family's struggle – I am trying to make sure all the characters are done right.

Cookie – I am so glad that my story inspired you to write. Please don't put yourself down, you took the time to write a review and I am so thankful for that. If someday you chose to share your writing I look forward to reading it.

Renata – Thank you for the reviews and hugs, they are much appreciated. Rachel's storyline will continue to develop trust me – although I am not too sure how much Kurt will be in it – he sort of disappointed us all last time by not standing by Rachel.

w1cked – Thank you I am feeling better. It is a pleasure building each of these characters and I am hoping to show where and how Shelby gets her strength. They have been through a lot but even though some horrific things have happened Shelby and the rest of the family are hopefully showing them that it is not their fault and that they are loved. As always – thank you for your review!

Gleek1990 – Thank you ! Sorry for being mysterious but I can't give away everything. This chapter addresses Quinn and Judy's visit. I hope I don't disappoint you.

val-cb – more bonding for S and Q to come I promise but they are becoming more like siblings so it won't all be wine and roses. Thanks for reviewing.

SuzQQ – Wow your review was so thorough! So many points to address but I am hesitant because I don't want to give the story away. To address some points though – Joey and Judy grew up together and it is important for Quinn to see that there may have been a different side of Judy but Joey is smart enough and wise enough to see that Quinn is not Judy so ….. I promise there is so much more to come for all of these characters and I am glad you are invested in my story so much. Thank you for taking the time to review every chapter.

tcathing – Thanks for reviewing.

dreamchaser888 – Hold on because there is more to come. Thanks for reviewing.

FacingFuture – Thank you for your review. Quinn is still undecided about Florida but we shall see. She has a lot to deal with right now. But yet she thinks she can handle it all by herself – their essays will be interesting.

Anna – I am sorry I caused you to lose sleep – thank you for reviewing. I can't make any promises though about the characters – sorry.

Anon – I am glad you saw what I was trying to say about the number – thank you for the review.

lifegoeson95 – Sarah – thank you so much for your kind words. I am glad you are enjoying it. I love writing and I am so happy that people are enjoying it. So thanks again.

amandaes417 – I think all of us wish that we had a brother like Noah. Thank you so much for the review – they keep me going and let me know that people are enjoying my story even with all the angst.

gleefanatic14 – Top 2 ? I am honored – thank you ! With reviews like yours I am feeling much better.

hypegurl - Thank you !

Abby – I am sorry it is bringing back painful memories for you but the next chapters are really filled with lots of angst so if it is too painful I understand. Thank you for the review.

Fangirl44 – Thanks for reviewing – Florida will be coming soon I promise just a couple more days and they will be headed that way.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 23<strong>

Santana turned in her seat and looked at her mother. "Wait, we're still going."

"Of course we are," Joey interrupted.

"Are you even in this family?" Quinn asked with a degree of annoyance.

"Hey," Shelby scolded.

"No, I agree, Mom. Q has a point," Santana interjected. "I love you Aunt Joey. I do, but what we do as a family-"

"She's just as much apart of our family as anyone," Rachel argued. the eleven year old frowned. "And who's Q? Do you mean Quinn?" She looked between the two older girls and then at her brother. "I thought they didn't like each other."

"Quinn is too long to say. I call her Q at school," Santana said with an eye roll trying to get back on topic.

Rachel frowned and continued to look at three teens. "But you said you're a different person at school than you are at home."

Santana waved her hands in frustration. "Rachel," she said with an exasperated sigh. "Can we get back on topic please?"

Shelby looked at her eldest daughter, wondering what fight she was trying to pick now. Shelby watched her with her indignant frown and her mouth ajar. She knew her daughter wanted Joey out. She knew that Shelby was going to ask her sister advice about Santana's situation, and, Shelby knew, Quinn's. However, Santana's defense derived from her need not to have her business discussed. While Shelby understood in the girl's heart that Santana adored her aunt, it was just the fact that she was a topic of discussion that killed her, even if she knew that was what families did best.

She also took in the drastic progress between the two older girls. It had been as if a secret promise had been made, a pact or a compromise. They weren't best friends but there was a mutual respect.

"I'm not going to Florida," Quinn said casually as she washed her plate with subtlty in the sink.

"If she's not going, do we all have to go?" Noah asked. He saw his mother's face of annoyance. "She can't stay alone."

"Actually, I can," Quinn replied.

"You can't," Shelby said. Quinn turned and stared at her with scorn.

"What do you mean?" Rachel frowned. "I would like to see Nana and Pappy but I would be okay driving." She looked at the people in the room. "That's possible, right? To drive."

"We're not driving, bugs," Bear said.

"Dex and Griff are driving," Rachel said with a slight plea.

Bear picked up his niece and set her on the stool next to Noah. He smiled at the thought of his sons. "Dexter is in Atlanta and Griff is at the University of South Carolina. And we are in Ohio, do we need a geography lesson?"

Rachel folded her arms and said with a pout, "No." She glanced over at Noah who arched is brow. She lowered her arms and forced the frown from her face. "I just really hate flying," she mumbled.

"I can stay at respite," Quinn said with her hands on her hips. Shelby looked at her with a shake of her head and a questioning look. How did she know about that? "A girl at the group home talked about it. I know that you can send me there."

"What's that?" Rachel asked.

Noah looked at Santana who looked at Rachel.

"Nothing," Santana muttered.

"No, San," Noah said quietly. "It's where foster parents send their foster kids when they want to do stuff without them."

"Noah," Santana hissed.

"Noah, that's not exactly what it is," Shelby corrected.

"Pretty sure it's exactly what it is," Quinn said quietly.

"It's not," Joey assured.

"Yeah, it is," Santana said challengingly.

"No one is going to respite," Shelby said calmly. "Quinn, your ticket has already been purchased. Everyone's tickets have been purchased. We're going."

"I'm not!" Quinn argued.

"This isn't up for discussion. You're welcome to be angry about this. However, this is a family trip and you're a part of this family,"

"Actually, I'm not," Quinn fired back, trying her best not to see the hurt in Rachel's eyes.

"You are," Bear said.

"I'm not going and that's it," Quinn said as she started out of the room.

"Do not leave, Quinn," Shelby called. "We're not done here."

"Fine," she replied. "Well, you wasted your money."

"I didn't," Shelby assured. She turned back to Rachel who was now leaning against Noah. "For this week, Rachel, you will not fall behind on your studies. I'll come up with some work for you. You and I will see what other schools you can attend it will give us some time to look at them."

"We can really go back to discussing Quinn's chagrin about her attendance in Florida," Rachel said.

Noah scoffed. "What does that even mean?"

"Your sister has a big vocabulary list she works on andshe enjoys challenging herself on daily," Joey shrugged and gave an eye roll that mimicked her eldest niece's.

"Can I still go to my lessons?" Rachel asked hopefully as she sat up.

Shelby thought briefly and nodded but not without noticing her brother-in-law's look that was thrown at her. One that made her want to ask him about.

"With Mr. Schuester? Yes. However, you will be going back to see Elyse. We might even find someone new for you," Shelby muttered the last part mostly to herself as she considered the fact that both Quinn and Rachel would be seeing the same therapist.

"I don't want to see someone new," Rachel argued. "I can't. I dont... want to..."

"I can stop going," Quinn offered as she watched Rachel struggle. "I don't need to go."

"No," Shelby said. "We will figure it out. We have this week until Fall Break. I want all of you on your best behavior." She looked at the three eldest. "You're already grounded and that won't be ignored in Florida."

Santana groaned. "You're kidding."

"Santana, when I say grounded indefinitely, I mean it. You breaking things and fighting is something that I do not forget." She turned to the still sullen blonde, who suddenly looked like a hit deer. "You know why you're in trouble." Finally her gaze settled on her son. "Do I need to even say it?"

"Nope," he said popping the 'p.'

"What about me?" Rachel asked quietly.

"Do you want to be grounded too?" Bear asked with a chuckle.

"Well, I dont know. No... but...I did things too..."

Shelby looked at her daughter. Her daughter was asking for punishment, even though she was already punishing herself. "You can write an essay. You'll have plenty of time being out of school." The girl visibly deflated.

"I changed my mind," she muttered. "I don't want to be punished." She had wanted to be grounded like everyone else. She didn't want to write while no one else was around.

"We will discuss essay topics later," Shelby said. "Quinn, you and I have an appointment." The girl paled slightly. Santana tried her best not to make it obvious that she noticed. "The rest of you. Joey and Bear will be with you today. Best behavior, but that goes unsaid."

"They always are," Joey said.

"Are we seriously being babysat? We babysit," Santana argued.

Shelby ushered Quinn out of the room. "Really, San? Do we need to review the terms of grounding?"

Santana sighed and muttered an apology.

Shelby continued. "Chores need to be done. Joey, don't forget Rachel has dance at 2pm." She headed behind the blonde hoping to try to get her to relax for what she could only beg to be an unstressful visit.

"Shelby!" Joey called. The woman turned. "What about the thing during the thing that you were going to do with the thing?"

Shelby frowned. "The thing will not be done. Consider it forgotten. I have plenty of other things to deal with and that's not your thing to concern yourself with."

"You're so strange," Santana frowned.

Noah watched them as he took another bite of pancake. "I see that they're talking but I don't understand it."

"San, that'll be us when we're old," Rachel said as loaded the dishwasher.

"Honey, I'm not old," Shelby called as she went up the stairs behind Quinn.

"She's old," Joey and Santana whispered at Rachel.

"I heard that!" Shelby called.

…...

Quinn stared out the window a they rode in silence to the appointment. She didn't want to go. Shelby told her she didn't have to go. However, those two things didn't mean that she had any choice of going. This was her mother. Logic and reason went out the window when her mother was involved; despite the incredible severity of the absurdity, what Judy said went. And Quinn knew that not going to this appointment was unacceptable.

"Visits are two hours." Shelby's voice said suddenly from out of no where.

She looked over at the woman but she didn't respond. She wasn't going to have this conversation. She just wasn't.

"I really hope that you have a nice time," Shelby said as she gazed at the road ahead. "Are you nervous?" No answer. "You can call me. If anything comes up you just tell Jackie that you're ready to leave and-"

"I don't want to go to Florida," Quinn said evenly barely even acknowledging that she interrupted.

"Quinn," Shelby began.

"I'm not going," she said with a determined stare.

"We will discuss this more later," Shelby said with a slight shake of her head. "However, I want you to focus on your visit. This will be regular visits, Quinn." She glanced over at the girl, who seemed to sink in her seat.

"It's not about not wanting to go or enjoying myself. It's not that simple," the girl said dryly. "It just is."

"You have a say in what's best for you," Shelby replied gently.

Quinn turned to her sharply. "Then let me not go to Florida. Let me have a say."

Shelby pulled into a parking space out front of the familiar CPS office. "Do you really want to talk about this now? I would really rather we waited until later. You need to focus on this"

Quinn shook her head and was about to retort something but then she spotted her mother's car in the corner of the parking lot. She stared at it. It was a silver Cadillac. It had been a gift from her father to her mother. She hated that car. It was 'RF3.' No one questioned it's meaning; the other cars that Russell Fabray owned carried the same stamp, practically like the women in his life.

"Whatever," Quinn muttered as she reached for the handle.

"I need to walk in with you. Sign you in."

She didn't care, not about any of it. The office was like how she remembered. She wasn't watching Shelby and Jackie watch her or talk about her nor did she hear her talk to her. She was looking for her mother.

"She's not here yet," Quinn heard Jackie say.

She turned. "What?" She shook her head. "She's here. Her car is here." She kicked herself internally. Her father's car.

Jackie and Shelby exchanged another look. Shelby knew the drill. She hated it, but she knew her say was minimal. This needed to naturally run its course. She walked over to Quinn and pulled the girl into a hug. The girl was stiff but sunk into it. They weren't friends but Quinn respected her and trusted her, even though she wasn't ready to admit it. It was now as her mother's arrival impended over her, she had a new familiarity of what motherhood looked like. While Shelby seemed like a supermom, Judy Fabray still looked insignificant and lacking.

"I'll see you in a few hours," she said. "Try to have fun."

Shelby looked at Quinn and gave a small wave.

"Bye,"

"Take a seat," Jackie said. Quinn complied. "How are things going?"

"Fine," Quinn shrugged looking at the floor. "She's here I know she's here."

"Well she has to come in," Jackie said. "Do you have any questions?"

She frowned. "We can't talk about my dad, right?"

Jackie nodded. "Nope, this is just time for you to get and know each other."

"I already know her," Quinn glared. "I just... I don't know what you expect us to do. She's furious with me."

"That may be," Jackie said. "But she's your mother and she's supposed to be the adult."

Quinn shook her head. She knew that the normal standards didn't apply to her mother. She was a bitch and played dirty.

"I'll be here the whole time, Quinn," Jackie assured. "You have nothing to worry about."

The blonde girl gave a sigh. "Nothing to worry about."

_Eleven year old Quinn sat quietly on the bench outside of the junior high. All of the after school programs had finished. Her own cheerleading practice finished about twenty minutes ago. No one was here. Her mother had told her to wait at school. However, it was fall and there had never been a moment when her mother was on time picking her up. Not once._

"_Quinn?" she turned and saw Brittany standing there. She too was alone. _

"_Hi," she replied. _

"_What are you still doing here?" Brittany asked sitting next to her. _

"_What are you still doing here?" Quinn asked back. _

_Brittany gave a small smile. "Santana Corcoran and I are hanging out tonight, but her brother got in trouble for something. So they're inside talking to him. I thought I would step out." _

_Quinn laughed. The Corcorans were known for being slight trouble makers. Her father had said so repeatedly. He called them an... she thought for a few moments. What had he said? Oh, that's right. He had said that they were an abomination. She wasn't sure how one became one of those but she knew that they were. She sighed and looked up at the school's doors and the family came out. Puck, the boy, was walking next to Shelby who was still talking to him lowly and with a disappointed glare. There was a tiny girl on the woman's other sister who was walking as briskly as she could and it was bordering on a run. Her mother was holding her hand and she was having trouble keeping up. Quinn watched as the woman seemed to notice the girl's stressed face as she ran to keep up with her and mid-step in the highest heels Quinn had ever seen the woman lifted the petite girl to her hip. The girl must have been four. _

"_How old is she?" Quinn asked with a frown._

"_Six," Brittany shrugged. Quinn noticed Santana emerge from the school and run to catch up with the family. They all had the same class together. "I know she doesn't look it. Santana and I put her on the teeter totter at the park. For her to balance and not be up in the air all the time, Santana and I had use our arms. We weighed her last week. Thirty-seven pounds. San and I tried to feed her steak and chicken and she just cried." _

"_Hey," Santana said, interrupting. She ran up and looked at Brittany then at Quinn. "Fabray." _

"_Corcoran." _

"_You ready to go, Brit?" Santana asked. _

_Brittany nodded. "See you later?" _

"_Hello," Shelby said stopping at the girls. She shifted Rachel on her hip. The tiny girl leaned her forehead against her mother's shoulder. "I'm Santana's mother, Mrs. Corcoran. You're Quinn, right?" _

_The blonde smiled and stood up. She learned that manners were important even if you were being polite to abominations._

"_Yes, ma'am," she said with a nod. She saw Brittany gave a small smile and Santana rolled her eyes. _

"_Would you like a ride home?" She looked around. "Is anyone waiting with you?" _

_THe blonde shook her head and gave a smile. "She had an errand to run. She will be here any minute." She met Mrs. Corcoran's doubtful gaze. _

"_Mom, we should get home," Santana insisted looking at the little girl in her mother's arms. _

_Quinn frowned. The girl's eyes were getting heavy and she was shaking slightly. Even in those few minutes of them standing there, Quinn was sure that most of her color had drained._

"_Is she okay?" Quinn asked with frown._

"_Don't worry about it," Santana barked. _

"_Santana," the mother scolded. "She's okay. She just needs to get home and on her medicine." Quinn watched as the woman looked around. "I really don't want to leave you here alone." _

"_Don't worry," Quinn assured. "The principal knows I'm out here. My mother should be here any minute." _

_The woman nodded. She pulled out a business card from her pocket. "You call me if anything comes up or when you get home okay?" _

_Quinn frowned slightly at the card but nodded. "Okay. Thank you. I assure you, I'll be fine." _

_She watched as the woman ushered the children to the car. They were talking about something. The boy and Santana were arguing about something. The tiny girl started to cry. Brittany was trying to calm her. It simply looked chaotic. Maybe that was what her father meant. _

_The woman gave a wave as they left and once they were out of sight, Quinn sat back down. Her mother had told her under any circumstances not to take a ride home with anyone. She was to wait. Her mother explained that if she remembered to pick her up and found that Quinn wasn't waiting for her then she would have to assume that Quinn had been kidnapped. Mrs. Pierce offered to bring her home once and she took the ride. Her mother had not been happy when Quinn woke her up to inform her that she was home. Quinn frowned at the punishment that she received for that. She knew her mother would forget her until around six o'clock when she called for Quinn to fetch her ice for her evening bourbon, but she broke her rule so she was to be punished. Quinn's mother always knew what she wanted and when she didn't receive it, everyone felt her wrath. _

_Quinn sat back and watched the traffic of Lima disappear as everyone went home. Even the principal asked her if her mother was coming. He apologized for having to leave Quinn alone, Quinn assured him that her mother was on her way and that she would call him if the woman didn't show up. _

_She bit her bottom lip as she watched the sun go down. That meant that it was almost seven o'clock. She had been waiting for almost three hours. Just as the street lights flickered on she watched as a Cadillac pulled up in front of the school. She grabbed her bag and walked toward the car. She frowned when she saw who was inside. _

_She bit her lip as she opened the back door and climbed in. _

"_Hi," she murmured. "Thank you for picking me up." _

"_Yeah, you better be!" her father scolded. "Do you think this is what I want to be doing? Do you?" He shook his head in the front. Her mother was sitting silently next to him and Frannie was sitting sullenly next to her "I get home and finally sit down to dinner and you're no where in the house! Are you kidding me?" _

"_Mom told me not to accept any rides home," she said quietly. "I will next time if it's easier." _

_The car roughly skidded to a halt on the side of the road. He turned roughly to face her. "Come here!" he screamed. She bit her lip and leaned forward toward him. He grabbed her roughly by the back of her neck. She squealed as he pulled her close to him. "Don't blame this on your mother! She will be dealing with you when we get home. Won't you Judy?" _

_The mother gave a tight smile. "Yes, I will," she said icily. _

_Quinn didn't really understand what she did wrong, but she knew that logic didn't apply to her family. When they arrived home, her father and sister went to the dining room and sat to eat dinner. Quinn's mother took her by the arm and dragged her to the study. _

"_I did what you asked and waited," Quinn said quietly once the door was closed. "I didn't mean for you to get in trouble with him." _

_She knew her mother was under her father's thumb as much as she was. However, the woman just glared at her. "You are so ungrateful! Do you think we enjoy having you as a daughter? Do you think we wanted another mouth to feed? We didn't. You were not in the plan." _

_Her mother had said some terrible things to her,but she had never told Quinn that. She tried her best not to look hurt. _

"_Don't look so surprised, Quinn. You have been nothing but a constant disappointment," Judy hissed. She staggered slightly. "Constant. You're not as pretty as your sister. You're not as talented as she is. You are constantly asking for help. It stops now, Quinn." She leaned close to her face. "You're on your own as of this moment. I want you to make yourself as nonexistent in my life as possible. You bring yourself to school. You come home from school. I don't want to deal with you." _

_Quinn nodded quickly. She continued. "I don't want to have to worry about you. If I don't see you, if you're not in my way, you have nothing to worry about. And I will do you the pleasure of allowing you to continue to stay here. When I call you, you better be here. When I need you for ANYTHING you better come when I call, or there will be a price. But other than that. I don't want to see you. I don't want hear you. DO you understand?" Quinn nodded. She watched her mother raise her eyebrow. _

"_Yes, Ma'am," she said quickly. _

"_Because I'm a good person, I'm going to let you off with a warning," she hissed. She brought Quinn's arm close to her. "But the moment you break these new rules, I won't be as kind." _

"_Yes, ma'am," Quinn nodded. _

"_Good I'm glad we have an understanding. Nothing to worry about, right? Now go to bed," she said. "I don't want to see you for the rest of the night." _

Quinn remembered how she had been confused about when and how she would be home in case her mother needed her. However, she learned that quickly.

…...

Santana had insisted on coming with Joey to drop Rachel off at dance class. She kept glancing at her oldest niece the whole ride there. The girl had never been interested in Rachel's dance classes before. She always preferred time with Bear and Puck, and when Joey's sons were around, the boys too. This was a new development.

"Are you going to stay for the whole class?" Rachel asked from the back seat.

Joey shook her head as she looked at Bug. However, Santana interrupted her.

"Probably," the girl shrugged, causing Joey to throw her a glance.

"Santana, I-"

"We're here, Aunt Joey! Don't drive past it," Rachel practically screamed from the back seat.

"Rachel," Joey scolded as she pulled in sharply into the dance parking lot. "What did we say about screaming in the car?"

Rachel shrank into her seat. "Don't do it?" she grimaced.

Joanne nodded.

"I'll walk you in!" Santana said quickly before Joey could protest.

"Santana," Joey groaned. She climbed slowly out of the car. While Shelby said she had endless energy, she didn't really. She had just finished a gigantic breakfast-lunch, brunch, and chasing after an uncharacteristically eager Santana wasn't a high point.

She walked into the building and was practically trampled by girls in dance garb. Damn it why did Rachel have to be so small? She thought to herself. Look for Santana, she coached herself. The girl was the same height as her. She scanned the crowd. Every child in Lima must be here for their class. All of the studio doors were open. There were girl's in pointe shoes. Tap shoes clacking in her ears. Then there were girls dressed like Rachel in tights, a leotard and jazz shoes. Joey groaned internally. Bringing the kids to practice was always easier than bringing Rachel to her things. They were always so complicated. Joey much preferred sports tournaments and practices than this. Finally, she spotted Rachel taking off her coat and draping it over a chair in the corner.

She frowned. There was no one with the girl. Jesus, Santana, she grumbled.

"Bugs, where's Santana?" She asked as she looked around.

"Probably with my dance teacher," Rachel asked as she grabbed her water bottle. "Are you really staying?" she asked with big eyes that Joey was sure could cure some incurable disease.

She gave the girl a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, bug. San and I are going to run some errands."

Joey watched as Rachel bit her lip and they formed into a frown. "You mean you're going to yell at her for being rude."

She was her mother's daughter. Joey sighed. "We are going to have a discussion, yes, but that's none of your concern." She straightened. "Now show me where your teacher is."

"Come on," Rachel sighed. "It's Brittany. You've met her right?"

"Brittany Pierce is your dance teacher?" Rachel nodded as if the question was absurd and redundant.

"Yeah," she said slowly. "She and San are best friends."

Joey gave a little chuckle. "I think they're more than that, bugs," she muttered.

"What?" Rachel asked as she looked over her shoulder.

"Nevermind," Joey said as they walked into the room. Rachel nodded and walked over to a small group of girls in the corner.

Joey spotted her eldest niece immediately. She was laughing in the corner with Brittany as the blonde stretched against the wall.

Santana looked at Brittany. Just seeing her made her feel better. Yeah they were in a weird place right now. However, she just felt better about seeing her. She had forgotten about dance on Sundays. She was happy because now she had the opportunity to just watch her and pretend that things were how they used to be. Yes, they had kissed. Santana paused as she watched Brittany continue to talk to her. The kiss had offered so much and that's what terrified her. That's what made her freeze: the possibility. If it could just be the two of them forever, Santana knew that she would be happy with her. It was being with her alongside everything else that was scary. It wasn't just that she was a girl, even though that was scary in itself. It was admitting her love for anyone hurt. Because if you loved someone they eventually left you, Santana didn't know if she was ready for the loss of a lover, a loss of a loved one had been hard enough. She paused in her thinking as she continued to still hear Brittany speak to her with a smile about dance or volcanos or dolphins or something. She loved her? She had just said that in her head. She had just said she loved Brittany. She frowned even deeper because she didn't feel shock or awe or even surprise. It was simply an unspoken truth.

She smiled at her. She loved her. She noticed that Brittany was looking at her and talking. She was speaking and pausing and then speaking again. It was like she was waiting for a response. Idiot, Santana kicked herself. She was speaking to her.

"What?" Santana asked.

"You were doing that thing," Brittany laughed. "That thing were I talk and you stand there not saying anything because you're not listening at all." She shook her head. "We'll work on that. We'll have this conversation later."

Santana laughed nervously. "What were you saying?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Brittany said with a smile as she finished pulling her tights around her feet and pulled on her jazz shoes. She talked to Santana and grabbed her hand causing a chill to run through them both. Santana stared at the hand for a moment and then met the girl's gaze. "We need to talk. Seriously."

Santana nodded. "I know," she said as she looked at the floor. "I'm kinda grounded though. Can we do it at school tomorrow?"

The blonde smiled. "Of course." She squeezed her hand tighter and looked closely into Santana's dark eyes. "I'm not mad or worried about our friendship. I know that's..." She looked at the ceiling as if it had her words. "Safe." She smiled at Santana as if they weren't in a classroom of chatty eleven year olds, one of them being Santana's sister. "We're a duo."

"A pair of lonely ones who were meant to be a two," Santana said with a smile as she quoted one of their childhood movies. Her smile faded as she realized the significance of the lyrics.

Her hand was squeezed tighter. "We'll talk later?" She quietly. "Hey," Brittany said as she started to walk away. Santana looked up at her. "You've got me and I've got you," she said with a wink. Those stupid lyrics Santana thought.

"Santana?"

She watched Brittany gather the girls up. She smiled slightly at her sister. She gave her a nod. Rachel started toward her. Santana was sure that she saw a look on her face and Rachel wanted to check on her. She shook her head at the girl and motioned for her to join the group.

"Santana?" She turned and her aunt was standing there looking at her.

"I'm just going to-"

"Nope," Joey said taking her hand. "We're doing errands."

"Aunt Joey," she said with a huff, not seeing her sister's look of sympathy and her aunt pulled her from the room.

"I was going to stay and watch Rachel," Santana argued once she took her arm back and they were in the parking lot.

"Bull," Joey said. She shook her head and laughed. "Are you kidding me, San? You didn't come here for Rachel you came here so you could see Brittany."

Santana put her finger up and pointed it at her aunt. "Don't put that on me! That's not what I did. I love Rachel more than anything."

Joey ran her hand through her hair. "I know that. That's not what I..." She sighed. "Can we please not do this in the parking lot?"

The girl huffed and climbed into her aunt's BMW. She sat there for a moment in silence.

"San," Joey began with a sigh. Their relationship was tumultuous but she knew that they were so much alike. It was just a fact. "I'm sorry. It's just. Did you want to come with us with the expectation that you would get to hang out with Brittany?"

Santana didn't answer. "You don't understand."

"Try me," Joey offered.

"I don't want to talk about it," she muttered quietly.

"Can I try?" Joey offered. Santana looked at her briefly and then looked away again. "You're right I don't know everything about what goes on between the two of you." She watched her niece look at her hands. "But I know that if things changed and if they got more serious I wouldn't love you any less. You wouldn't change in my eyes. You would be the same Santana to me."

Santana didn't look. She felt tears in her eyes. She shook her head and looked out the window. It wasn't just that. It wasn't that easy. "Nothing's simple like that," she said finally.

"I know that. It never is."

Santana shot her a look and then looked away again. "You don't know anything."

Joey laughed. "I know some."

"What makes you think it's about Brittany? That any of this is about Brittany?" she snapped.

Her aunt smiled. " I see the way you look at her, especially over these past few months" She shook her head. "I don't want to push. You're right. I didn't come to talk about that. I came to talk about something else."

Santana frowned. Apparently her aunt knew she felt something for Brittany. She looked at her hands. Was she that transparent? Who else knew?

"Hey," Joey said turning to her and running her hand over the girl's head. "I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about it. Not until you're ready, but when you are I'm here."

Santana sighed. Joey had been there for everything. She had supported her without judgement. It just was almost a let down knowing someone else knew something about you that you still didn't understand yourself. She felt exposed.

"What did you want to talk about?" Santana asked quietly.

"Your crappy attitude," Joey said still playing with her niece's hair. "What the hell is going on between you and your mom? You love going to Florida." Joey scrunched up her nose. "Even though you never will admit it. You and I both know you love it."

"Mom... um..." Santana continued to play with her hands and glance up at the dance studio's quiet parking lot. "... She uh... She knows that I sleep with guys..."

Joey nodded silently. Santana chewed her lip.

"She's taking me to the doctor tomorrow..."

The older woman nodded. "Did you tell her?" she asked.

Santana met her eyes. "No... not about you..." The young brunette put her head in her hands. "She's going to feel like such shit."

"Hey now, language," Joey said with a smirk. "She'll be mad yes."

Santana shot her aunt a look. "Not at me … well she's mad kinda at me," she said. "But you."

"I can take her," Joey laughed. "I knew this would come out anyway." Santana looked at her with confusion. Her aunt gave her a reassuring smile. "San, I didn't make you get tested and bring you to the clinic as regularly as we went thinking that I'll be doing it forever."

Santana looked at her in awe. "What?"

"Someday when you're a little older you'll understand, but I knew she would find out eventually. And she's going to be pissed as hell that I knew before she knew, but she'll also understand in her own way. I've known her her whole life." She watched her niece's face. "I know this isn't how you wanted her to find out about you..."

"Wait..." Santana looked at her hands. It was in that moment that she realized that because her aunt found her birth control and then later had her go get regular STI testing that she realized that her aunt's lack of questioning or prying didn't mean that she didn't know. It was something that Santana had always known but she was only just admitting to herself. She had convinced herself that this was her own secret, her own issue. However, the truth was she knew. She must have; Santana just wasn't ready to admit that. "You knew..." Santana whispered.

Joey smiled. "All I know is you, San." She continued to stroke her hair. "And I know that no one can push you when you're not ready. My sister will always be my sister and she will always be your mother. I know that you think you're tough shit." Santana gave her a frown. "Yeah, yeah. And you are. But, you're more than that, so much more. All I did was talk to you about birth control and made sure you got on it and took you for regular tests."

Santana gave a small smile because she knew that wasn't "just" something. She didn't want her mother to know. It was bad enough that her aunt knew things.

"Could you talk to her?" Santana asked.

Joey shook her head. "Santana, you know that you should."

"Please. You know she's going to talk to the both of us but if she talks to you first she'll be calmer."

She sighed. "I'll think about it." She turned and buckled her seat belt. "We need to go get Charlie some food and then come back to pick up Rachel and at this rate we're going to be late."

…...

Quinn had realized that they had been sitting there for a while until she saw the time on the clock. They had been here for over almost twenty minutes.

"Quinn?" Jackie asked. "Are you alright?"

The girl nodded. She was just fine. "Yes," she said quietly. "You have nothing to worry about."

Jackie sighed. "Well, unfortunately, Quinn. Your mother was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago. Our policy requires that we cancel an appointment after fifteen minutes, but I was hoping she would come."

Quinn shook her head. She had a feeling her mother was sitting in her car finding reason to even come in. She wasn't surprised at her mother's absence, but more she was surprised by her own disappointment. Shouldn't she have learned by now?

"I'll call Shelby and ask her to come back and get you, alright?"

The phone rang suddenly at the same time as some commotion happened outside. "Excuse me," Jackie said quietly. "Hello?...Yes... Yes... Okay... Well... you know what to... Oh... okay, I will be right out." She looked at Quinn. "I want you to stay here." She looked her intensely in the eye. "Do not leave this room. Okay?"

"Is everything alright?" Quinn asked.

"Nothing for you to worry about," Jackie said gently. "Just do as I said please."

She opened the door and closed it quickly behind her leaving Quinn alone in the office.

Quinn stared at her hands wondering what else she could do for the day and if she would enjoy Florida. She thought about the essay she had to write and groaned.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY KID!" A voice screamed from outside the office.

Quinn squeezed her eyes shut. Her mother was falling apart. She had never seen or heard her mother lose it before unless it was directed towards her or her sister. She always kept her icy appearance together. Always together. Quinn felt an odd pang of guilt knowing that she was the cause of this mental break, even though she rarely felt anything else for her mother other than despair of who she never would be.

"Ma'am, you need to leave," someone said.

She went to the door and opened it slowly. The sounds intensified.

"I said," she screamed. "WHERE IS QUINN? I'm bringing her home this is nonsense."

"Judy, if you would like to see her you need to come back next week." Jackie's voice was even. "You're late. We talked about this. You can't be more than fifteen minutes later or I have to cancel."

"I'm here. Aren't I? I've been here. I..."

There was a crash.

"Look what you made me do!"

"Ma'am," another calm voice said. "You need to leave or we will call the police."

"This is my kid! My kid!"

"Judy, have you been drinking?" An additional calm voice asked.

How many calm people were there? Quinn wondered.

"No! I haven't and the fact that you accuse me of that is offensive!"

"Judy, you need to leave. Your daughter cannot see you like this," Jackie said again.

"She's here?" Judy said suddenly. "Where is she? Quinn? Quinn! Get out here this instant!"

Quinn remained hidden in the office. She knew she should go out there, but something was telling her not to. For some reason she wanted to listen to Jackie.

"She is my daughter damn it! So what if I'm fifteen minutes late! What good does that do?"

She saw a few people rush by the door mumbling something about the emergency process or the button. She shook her head. This was all about her. All of this was because of her. She walked out slowly around the divide that had been blocking her from her mother's view.

"Quinnie," her mother said with a satisfied smile.

Jackie looked at Quinn with a deflated look as if she had been hoping that Quinn wouldn't come out of the office.

"I can just go with her," Quinn said quietly. Suddenly she realized that the entire office was looking at her.

"You won't," another woman said. She had a sterner look than Jackie's. And seemed to enforce some kind of authority. "Quinn, please go into Jackie's office."

"I'm not a child," she said with a frown. She looked at her mother. "She's not a terrible person."

"I didn't say she was," the woman replied. "However, you are no longer in your mother's custody. Not only will you not be leaving with her today but you legally can't. Go back into the office. Now."

Quinn looked at the woman, unsure of what to do.

"Quinn, this is absurd. Don't be selfish! Come on," Judy said holding out her hand. "Let's go."

She didn't move. There were too many adults telling her what to do. "Quinn!" her mother scolded through her teeth. "Get over here! Don't you think you've screwed up enough?"

"Excuse me!" the woman supervisor said. "You will not speak to her like that." She turned to another person and said something quietly to her. Quinn watched as the woman walked toward her.

"Let's go back inside Quinn," she said.

Quinn shook her head looked at her mother. "No."

Judy smiled. "See my daughter wants me!" She took a step toward Quinn and the woman supervisor and another male supervisor stepped in front of her. "Get out of my way."

"The police have been called. I recommend, if you want to see your daughter again, that you leave. You being removed by the police is not a good thing. Please leave."

"My daughter is a lying slut!" Judy laughed. "The fact that all of you are protecting her from me!" She laughed and put her hand on her chest. "ME! Are you kidding! My husband and I have provided for her her entire life!" She turned and looked at Quinn. "You are ruining everything! Again! You miserable piece of shit!"

The woman supervisor put her hands up. "I've had it. Please remove Quinn."

Quinn just stared at her mother. These things weren't new things. Then why were her eyes stinging? Why did she feel hurt? She felt someone's arms on her shoulders leading her into another room.

"Quinn! If you do not leave with me right now, you will regret it! I PROMISE YOU!"

"I told you that you cannot threaten her," Jackie scolded.

The door was closed behind and Quinn felt her body sit in the seat. She felt numb. How could it be that things you heard regularly were so much worse when they were said in front of others? She didn't know what to think. She didn't know how to feel, because all she felt was empty.

…..

Rachel pulled on her coat.

"Hey, kiddo," Brittany said as she sat next to Rachel.

"Hi," Rachel said quietly.

"You alright? You seemed kinda of out of it today. You didn't do the turn sequence that you normally land and," Brittany chuckled. "You yelled at Stacy McPherson twice when she messed up the timing that leads into the jump section."

"Well we both know that she is terrible at syncopation and we need her to be able to count the music she is dancing to for the competition. She needs to do the kick on count five, the swivel on six and be done with it on time to hit the three poses on seven-and-eight. If she doesn't then we will lose. It will look like a train wreck," Rachel said with a huff.

Brittany sighed. "That might be true, but it'll come together. We still have a while." She nudged the girl. "So what's up?"

Rachel looked at her carefully. "If I tell you, you can't tell Santana... or Quinn."

"You know I can't make that promise until you tell me what it is," Brittany replies seriously.

"I was asked to leave the school," Rachel said quietly. She sighed. "Well my mother pulled me out... I don't know. I don't have anyone and …"

"Rachel that's not true," Brittany said quietly. "You have me."

"All my friends are in high school then or they're grown ups. Mr. Schuester is even my friend." She scoffed not seeing Brittany's look of confusion. "Probably my best friend now that Kurt doesn't talk to me." Rachel looked around. "The girls here never really want to talk to me." Brittany looked around. Rachel put her hand on hers. "And don't you dare say anything to them. I don't need their sympathy. or your pity" She sighed.

"Are you sure that's it Rachel?" Brittany asked.

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know what you know about us...What Santana has told you...Things are coming back" She chewed her lip and looked up at her sister's friend and realized that Santana hadn't said much. "It's just been a hard week," she said quietly back to her hands.

Brittany nodded. "Rachel, I might be Quinn and Santana's friend but you can tell me things."

The tiny girl shook her head. "People worry too much about me already. I don't need you to worry about me too."

"People worry because they care."

"Well then they care too much," Rachel said quietly. "I'm just... why can't I just feel sad? Why can't anyone just leave me alone without …. asking me what's wrong. …. Or punching someone who was mean to me... or," she whispered. "Pulling me out of school."

Brittany shook her head. "Rachel..."

"You ready, Rachel?"

The girls look up and Santana's standing at the door.

Brittany turned back to Rachel quickly. "I'm here for you if you want to talk, Rach."

Rachel nodded and stood up. "Thanks," she said quietly.

Santana walked over. "Talk more at school?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah, definitely," Beittany muttered.

…..

Shelby sat quietly in the booth in the corner. She had some her her work spread out in front of her. Thankfully her own caseload was a little lighter recently since she went to part-time. She ordered a piece of her favorite pie and tried to concentrate. She had to. She needed to escape from it all a bit.

"Is this booth taken?"

She looked up. Those damn soft eyes and boyish dimples.

"What are you doing here?" The question came out more accusatory than she meant.

"I got this text from your sister." Shelby frowned and looking at the phone. Damn it, Jo. The text read "if she cancels because she will, she'll be getting a slice of pie alone at this diner. She'll say she wants to be alone. She lies."

"You need to ignore her," Shelby said.

Gus laughed. "Have you met her?" He was still standing.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I have a lot on my mind and I don't know if I can really plunge into this thing that we have." Shelby replied trying to avoid eye contact.

"I know," he said quietly.

"You really don't," she replied quickly. "I'm sorry that was rude." She rolled her eyes. "Fine, sit down."

"Pie huh?"

"Yes," Shelby said as she began to exam her work. "Pie."

"While the apple crumble here is fantastic," he began. "I know a place..." He trailed off and reached for his belt. "I'm sorry." He took out his cellphone. "Baker... Yes... I'll be right there." He hung up and his stare lingered on his phone for a little while. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

Shelby shrugged. "It's fine."

He stood up and looked at her for a moment. "I'll see ya," he said.

She gave a weak wave and then felt silly with her hand in the air. She was also sure she had pie on her face. Ridiculous, she thought. She was acting like a school girl. She sat there quietly lost in thought. A date. She thought. When the hell was the last time she had been on one of those? Her stomach gurgled and what the hell would her kids think? She gave a shake of her head. The last man she dated left after about two months. Santana also superglued his socks to his shoes, thinking he would never stay over again. All he had done was fall asleep on the couch to a movie with Shelby, but leave it to Santana to make sure he never took his shoes off again. Shelby sighed. She couldn't date Gus. Nope. She would date maybe when Rachel left for college. Shelby groaned and put her head on the table. Fuck, that was an awfully long time.

Her phone interrupted her thoughts. With her head still on the table, she dug it out of her purse.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Shelby, it's Jackie."

Shelby's head shot up. Shit.

She was at the office as fast as she could. It was only across the street and Shelby had thrown her things as fast as she could into her bag. She had gotten over there as fast as she could, but when she saw Gus breathlyzing Judy, she cursed her legs for not being faster. She didn't make eye contact with Gus but went in search of Jackie. She spotted her talking with her supervisor, Gloria Hayes.

"Hi, is she alright?"

The women looked at her. "She's fine," Jackie assured her. "A little shaken up because of all that her mother said, but physically fine."

"I know that you're scheduled for a team meeting tomorrow. I will inform Judy that when and if she ever shows up at this office she needs to be Breathlyzed. Also, I will be present at the next few meetings," Gloria explained. "We're going to monitor her closely. Furthermore, if she arrives tomorrow, I'll explain to her that her visits are put on hold until further notice. I don't want Quinn seeing her like this again."

Shelby nodded as she looked around. "Can I see Quinn?"

"Of course."

When Shelby saw Quinn sitting there in Jackie's office, she wanted to kill Judy. She was sitting there staring at her hands.

"Quinn?" Shelby asked kneeling in front of her.

The girl looked up at her with a look that Shelby had only seen in those rare moments they had together when Shelby talked to her late in the evenings. Her hazel eyes were brimmed with tears. Shelby pulled her into a hug and for one of the first times, Quinn actually fell into it.

…...

Rachel watched Quinn carefully from across the dining room table as they cleaned up. All that her mother had told them was that the visit didn't go well. Clearly, Rachel wasn't the only one having a bad week. Dinner had been practically silent. It had been strange. Even with her aunt and uncle there again, it had been silent. Everyone had something on their mind. Quinn had picked at her food the whole time. She barely ate anything. Rachel heard her mother tell Quinn quietly that she would need to drink a shake afterward.

Rachel watched as everyone filed into the kitchen to clean up. She lingered for a moment with Quinn as they collected placemats.

"I'm sorry about your mom," Rachel finally said.

Quinn froze with the placemats in hand. She didn't want to discuss it.

"You dont have to talk about it," Rachel said quickly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to … Listen, I just...It sucks."

Surprising even herself, Quinn cracked a smile. "Yeah it does." She stood up and looked at Rachel. "Sit down for sec. I want to tell you something."

Rachel's brow furrowed. "Okay..."

Quinn took a seat next to her. She took a deep breath. "I need to tell you something." The brow remained furrowed. She continued, "I was there when you were hit with all of the dodgeballs."

Rachel stared at her in shock. "What?"

"And when you went into the locker room... I ….. kinda made the kids play a more intense game of dodgeball."

The eleven year old gaped and put her head in her hands. "That was you?" she groaned. "Everyone was talking about some blonde girl that was in gym." She shook her head. "I ignored it because...well... i was thinking about myself... and..." Rachel shook her head. "Seriously?"

Quinn nodded.

Rachel looked at her in realization. "That's why you're grounded. Mom found out?" Quinn nodded.

She shrugged. "Well one of the many reasons."

Rachel looked at her hands. "Why did you do that? I didn't ask you to..." She looked up at her. "I didn't want you to."

Quinn stared at the table. "Honestly, I don't know …. It just... It felt like the right thing to do..." She looked over at Rachel. "I don't really get close to anyone, Rachel, but you're persistent. And... it killed me knowing someone was giving you a hard time."

"I can handle myself," Rachel said.

To her suprise, Quinn laughed. "No you can't." She saw the girl's solemn face. "You handle yourself in you handle your own emotions about everyone being mean to you, but you don't handle the people being mean to you part directly. You know?" Rachel looked at her hands. "I know you don't want people sticking up for you, but it's not going to go away anytime soon."

"Aren't you being a bit hypocritical?" Rachel asked with a glare.

"Aren't we proud of our big vocab words," Quinn retorted.

Rachel cracked a smile, but faded slightly. "You shouldn't have done what you did."

"I know," Quinn said.

"But I'm flattered," Rachel said quietly. Quinn looked at her in surprise. Rachel frowned. "But still appalled. What I mean is... no one has ever stuck up for me besides my family..."

Quinn laughed. "I thought I was your family." It came out as joke but then faded into an honest question.

Rachel looked at her with a genuine smile. "You are." She looked up at her. "And … well... thanks for finally accepting it."

"I haven't," Quinn said quickly.

"I have," she replied. Rachel stood up. "I don't know what your mom said, but she's a big liar."

"That was eloquent," Quinn said with a smirk.

"Who's using big words now?" Rachel asked as she headed toward the kitchen.

"Hey Rach?" Quinn called; she turned. "I am sorry."

Rachel nodded. "I know. It's okay." She frowned. "Just please for the love of God don't do it again."

Quinn gave a small smirk. She was all over the place. Her emotions felt like they threw up on the wall after today. However, she felt grounded. She had fixed one thing.

…..

Shelby dried the last of the dishes and turned to see her sister staring at her.

"What?"

Joey looked over at Santana who was pretending not to notice she was being watched.

"Can we talk?"

**Hi everyone, I know this chapter was a little blah and more disconnected than usual. I as usual got slightly distracted by a story arch way way way way down the road and wrote about 5500 words of it. I've been laying down a lot of pieces for awhile. This next story arch will reveal itself in the next few chapters. No one has really put anything together about what's coming, so I have a slight feeling you'll be shocked, but there will be a little explosion of crazy before they leave for florida. Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews. They keep me afloat in more ways that you know. Please let me know what you think. It would mean so much. If we're lucky we'll get another chapter up this week, but no promises. I dont want to get your hopes up too much. **

**thank you again for all of your support and love. **


	24. Chapter 24

Chickabilly - Where to begin? Let's start here, you made my day; you gave me a burst of inspiration that somehow drained from me. You allowed me to laugh and start my day anew. Thank you. You gave a perfect weaving of compliments and constructive criticism that inspired me and made me feel better about myself and helped me produce what is below. Your comments were extraordinary. The simple fact that you took the time to review every chapter you missed was... sigh... humbling and incredible and I am so so so grateful. There aren't enough words. Your wit and close eye made me miss seeing you review. I am so happy that you're back. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (P.S. not an avid Lord of the Rings fan... but I threw in a little thing for you. I hope you like it)

FacingFuture – Judy is a horrible person and you will see more of that in this chapter. It gets better for San and Joey. Brittany is going to be in this story more and more. Thank you for reviewing.

gleefanatic14 – Quinn is not really trying to get back but she feels she has no where else to go – Thanks for reviewing.

Fangirl44 – Oh they are going to talk alright but will they make up – we will see. Thanks for reviewing.

Renata – Shelby will makes sure Noah gets his future plans in line. Rachel is remembering more and more but for a number of reasons. The trip the grandparents is a couple of chapters away but it is coming. Lea was fantastic in glee last week wasn't she? I'll share a little tidbit: I had the pleasure of meeting her and J. Groff and see both of them live in Spring Awakening. twice and Lea three times. Sigh... so so so so so incredible. As always – thanks for the review!

Gleek1990 – There are serious arcs coming up I promise you! I actually was so slow in updating this chapter because I was too distracted by a certain someone's arc later down the line (WAAAAAY later). I'll give you a hint: It was heartbreaking to write, but I had to get it out of my head and into a doc before I lost it. I throw out the teasers but they are real. I promise you. Judy is a complete nutcase. But not to worry...I have plans for her. She will be in this chapter – thanks for your review.

JustHoldingOn – Thank you so much. I loved your words and I am in awe of all my readers! I would be no where without you. I appreciate you true dedication to my stories. Thank you so much for your review it makes my heart melt. It's melted on the ground right now... I'm trying to vacuum it up.

SuzQQ – Wow what a review again! I am thinking you want me to spoil things for you? Introducing more and more characters get tough because I don't believe in just throwing them in a story just for the sake of throwing them in – I believe characters in depth and want them to bring something to the story – does that makes sense? But that doesn't mean that new characters won't appear – I just make no promises. Judy and Russell are the poster children for how parents should not be – they have _almost_ ruined Quinn's life – she has to relearn so many things. Santana and Joey have a strong relationship – they are kind of similar to each other so at times it may seem cantankerous but it is all done out of love from the both of them. Your reviews are always well thought out and helpful and I thank you for them – I cant promise anything but I always love to hear them.

OTHangels – Thank you I tend to be hard on myself and I appreciate the reviews! Thank you

Claire - Thank you so much for you review. You are correct though it is not one of those fics that something happens and then it is all better in the next chapter or two – that is not realistic and I am trying to make it as realistic as I can. You may not be able to reach in and hug the characters but your review felt like a hug to me so thank you! It was needed! :)

marinka4 – you are right something is brewing but it is not just one thing – it is many. Kurt may be back but to be honest it is a small role. Brittany however will be in this story more and more – thanks for the review.

Abby – Thank you for saying that. Quinn is near and dear to me and I am hoping that I portray her accurately for my story.

MaJorReadaer619 – Quinn and Rachel will def have more scenes together. (I may have just written one for a huge arc later down the line...which distracted me from this chapter). If you want to be spoiled more send me a quick PM and I will answer any questions you have. I don't want to spoil here for my other readers. Thank you!

Kylana – Other glee people are kind of tough to bring in but I am not saying that I wont bring them in – I just want them to fit the story correctly. Thank you so much for the review.

Cookie – Thank s for reviewing! Please don't die on me! I appreciate you too much! Plus I think you want to be alive to see where these characters go... Thank you!

Glitter96 – sorry about the cliffhanger – hope it clears it up ! Thanks for the review. I hope you like this chapter...

Tcathing - I am glad you loved this chapter! Slowly and surely these kids will get better and Shelby and Quinn will continue to grow. Thank you for the review

TommyH – I love you reviewing ! Thank you – More Quinn coming up!

BMontague – Thank you for the review. Much more will happen and some will happen before the trip but in the end goodness prevails.

Anna1234 - Well you shall see! :) Thank you for the review.

broadwaybound2016 – Thank you for reviewing once again! I hope you like this one.

HIsland429 – unfortunately Rachel has to learn on her own or she will never survive. Leroy and Shelby are family focused so they will all get there. Judy is def psychotic. Thank you for the review. there is a lot in store. I hope you stick around :) thank you!

Piecesofyourheart – Please no tools not approved in torture techniques. We will get more Shelby and San but I can't include everything. Quinn and Rachel will form a bond for sure. There is craziness coming. I hope you have your hard hat on and stick around. Thank you for your kind review – keep them coming.

ArmyOfWuh – ahh my Santana fan – You and I both know you know some of what's coming. Thanks as always for the review and I hope that you are willing to stick around. It'll be a wild ride.

NinjaGleek21 – Hope is all well with you. Knock on wood – thank you for your review! Haha no lighter on Judy. Don't scroll to the end. Even though I know you'll want to now that I've said that, but at the end of this chapter my answer is the same: No lighter for Judy... at least not yet. Thank you as always for the cookies. They make my day. I loves me some cookies.

Ryoko05 – Thank you for the lovely complements. With such a big ensemble as this it does get hard at times, but this is a story I'm committed to. I'm determined to tell this families' story. you learn a little of their past here too...everyone's past. The explosion of crazy isn't her but soonish. and I haven't had any correct guesses of what the soonest one is. not yet. Santana will be more involved she just has to get out her issues then she will fight for what is right for you tooth and nail! However, I did write a scene for a few chapters down the road between Santana and another character where she really steps up to their aid... Santana's incredibly strong, she just doesn't realize how strong she can be yet. She's lucky to have you in her corner and so am I. Thank you for the review.

**Hi Everyone, I know I keep teasing. Some incredible reviewer actually told me that I was "all about the teasing and not about the pleasing." I would like you to know that I apologize for the delay with this chapter because I'm meticulously laying out the pieces for later chapters. This story is complex and I want to make sure that everything is in place perfectly. (Can you tell i'm a bit of a perfectionist?) I was actually distracted with the explosion of a story arc waaaaaaay down the line that I had to get this out. Don't worry. Florida is coming, however, this chapter is Sunday/Monday and the family is not leaving until Friday. Quite a few things are going to ensue before the crew gets on a plane... (BTW that will be a funny adventure to look forward to. For anyone, who has traveled with their family or a big group, you know :) ….. ) I hope you all like this chapter. It took awhile for me to find my flow and refocus. **

**Chapter 24**

Shelby walked quietly into the study. She knew this look from her older sister and she didn't like it. Not one bit.

"What's going on?" Shelby asked quietly as she closed the door.

They heard the front door slam. Joey looked down at her now glowing phone. She stared at the unread text that blinked on her screen. "Bear took the kids out."

"They're grounded," Shelby sneered.

Joey ignored her and took a deep breath. "I have to tell you something."

Shelby narrowed her eyes. "Okay...Spit it out. You look like hell."

"Have you looked in the mirror lately?" the older mother replied back as she looked at her closely. "You're going to be upset," she said with such conviction. She sighed. "It's an inevitability."

"Joey!" Shelby practically screamed through her teeth at her big sister.

"You can cancel the appointment with the doctor on Monday for Santana," Joey said with a set jaw.

Shelby's eyes scanned her older sister. She opened her mouth as she searched for her words. "What?" she asked in a low tone.

"You don't have to take her." Shelby watched Joanne look at her hands and around the room.

"Joanne!" Shelby said annoyed.

Joey looked Shelby in the eye. She released a breath. "You don't have to take her because I took her a month ago."

She watched her younger sister's face turn from confusion to horror to furious in about five seconds. She watched as Shelby tried to form words but all she did instead was shake her head and make the sounds of syllables. Finally, she spoke.

"What?" she asked.

Joey licked her lips. She looked down as she folded her arms tightly across her chest and then looked back at Shelby, but only slightly. "At the beginning of Santana's freshman year, Griffin came to me about Santana."

Shelby put her hands up in front of her. She shook her head. "I can't... I'm sorry...what?...Griffin came to you? About Santana? Griffin and Santana don't get along. She said they never talked at school"

Joey scoffed. "There's a reason for that. Griff did his own thing and let San do hers... but...

Shelby shook her head. "Your son came to you about my daughter. I don't see it, Joey. Doesn't make sense. Rachel mediates them for Christ's sakes. "

"Okay," Joey said. "You're my sister and I love you so I will ignore your crazy use of possessive pronouns there. Don't even try to treat me like some crazy distant relative. I have been here every step of the way and you know it. Griff and San might not get along at all, but from what I understand last year they came to a new understanding."

Shelby pinched the bridge of her nose and collapsed into the love seat. "I know I'm sorry...I just...Griff came to you about Sanny?"

"Yeah," Joey said with an empathetic frown. She took a deep breath and sat across from her sister on the ottoman. "He had heard rumors about Santana and apparently he confronted a few guys about it."

A look of realization spread across Shelby's face. "Was this when he broke Zane Bolton's nose?" Shelby asked. She scowled as she scanned her memory. "Yup that was last year. He told me at Thanksgiving that his hand slipped into the boy's face."

"Well, Zane was ….one of the first guys Santana slept with apparently," Joey said carefully watching her sister. "He was bragging about it in the locker room. So my son, your nephew, broke his nose." She took another deep breath. "I went to Santana and told her that she should talk to you and that she was better than sleeping around with guys..."

Shelby shook her head and gawked at her sister. "But because you were a slut in high school-"

"Shelby!" Joey scolded. "Don't you dare bring up my past because you're pissed about the present. Yes, I slept around in high school but that does mean in any WAY, SHAPE, or FORM that I would tell my then fifteen year old niece 'go ahead, I did it! No problem!'" She pointed her finger. "God, you're being such a bitch right now!"

"You kept secrets from me about my child's health!" Shelby fired back. "For over a year!"

"Listen, mama bear," Joey scolded. "You can be pissed. I knew you would be, but I also KNOW that you get it!" She shook her head. "Think about it, Shel. Santana was scared and starting high school. She barely made it through junior high without a fight or being caught making out with someone in the locker room every other week. I told her I disapproved but I also told her that she needed to be safe." Joey shook her head. "So we made a deal. She would take her birth control regularly and go to check ups with me and -"

Shelby put up her hands. "I'm sorry. What?" She gawked at her. "You put my daughter on birth control and didn't tell me?"

Joey stared at her sister. "I know I was wrong and I know I should have told you. However,-"

"No, however! No! No! No!" Shelby stood up and paced. "I can't even."

"Shelby, Santana and I agreed that we would tell you when she was ready. She wasn't ready to tell you anything," Joey replied.

"She never is! God!" Shelby stared at the ceiling. "I can't...I just... She's my kid! Who's been sleeping around and sad and ….. " She looked at the her sister with such defeat. "And you knew."

"Yeah, I did," Joey replied quickly, not even attempting to shy from it. She knew she was in the wrong.

"And never said anything to me, ever!" Shelby put her hand up. "I'm not doing this with you right now, Joey. I can't." She walked to the door.

"Shelby, if I told when Santana wasn't ready, if I breached that trust," Joey paused and she watched as Shelby stood at the door. "What do you think she would have done?"

The question hung in the air. Joey waited a few moments. Shelby's heart was beating out of her chest. She was shaking with anger, resentment and betrayal.

Joey continued. "I know it was wrong of me not to tell you. I know it was. And I knew that this conversation would happen like this when I told you, but Santana needed to make this choice and you know it."

She spun on the balls of her feet to face her sister. She pointed a finger at her. "You should have told me when Griffin came to you and I, me, her mother, would have talked to her," Shelby fired back.

"Think back to a year ago, Shelby," Joey said dryly. "What was going on then that _may_ have made me decide to make this decision without you?" It was a rhetorical question. She looked at her carefully.

Shelby looked down. "I … I know she had a hard time with that. And she was scared but-"

"Shelby! Don't down play it. Yes, we eventually knew that Rachel would be fine, but it was scary and we didn't know what was going on for the longest time. With the tests and everything," Joey shook her head. "And all that time in the hospital was hard on everyone."

"It was a bad UTI. She used to get them all the time when she was little after... ," Shelby trailed off with a shake of her head. They both remembered how tough emotionally everything had been after Hiram, but physically Rachel took the brunt of it. Years after the dust of the trauma settled, Rachel was still getting UTIs. Shelby had been sure that they had been done with all that. However, last year Rachel developed an extremely bad one but kept it quiet, for fear of going back to the hospital.

"Don't blow it off, Shelby," Joey said quickly. "Rachel was a mess. You were a mess. Noah and San were so freaked out that Rachel was in the hospital again. Rach knew something was wrong, but she didn't say anything so she waited until it spread so badly to her kidneys that she woke up in the middle of the night sobbing. And then she had to stay hooked up to an IV for five days and that was after twenty-four hours of testing to figure out what the hell was wrong with her." She watched as her sister replayed that time in her head. "You remember all of it. I know how scared you were." She exhaled deeply. "It triggered so many things for them." Joey paused for a moment. "Just like what's happening now."

"What are you talking about?" Shelby asked with offense.

"Shelby, the kids are all dealing with their own things," Joey said carefully. "I'm scared that something's going to happen."

Shelby scoffed. "What? What are you talking about?"

Joanne laughed. "Are you kidding me? Shelby, I love these kids. All four of them. I do, but they are hurting. Their heads and hearts are full. I see it in their faces and eyes." She stepped closer. "And in yours."

"What do you want me to do, Jo?" She shook her head. "I mean seriously. You know just as well as I do that this stuff isn't going away." She looked her sister straight in the face. "I'm never letting Quinn leave with anyone else. This is her home."

Joey shrunk back. "I never said that Quinn would have to leave. I see her as a part of this family. I've already started Christmas shopping for her. There's never been any question in my mind that she isn't staying.-"

"But Judy," Shelby interrupted.

"Was my friend almost thirty years ago," she finished. She shook her head and continued. "And Judy has been hating me with that dirt-licking-fuck-face of a husband for her entire adult life." Joey shrugged. "She's not going to change." She sighed. "When you and I talked about Quinn this morning, when you were so chipper with your coffee," Joey added in. "When she told me about what her mother did," Joey sighed. "The last drop of hope that I had for Judy had evaporated." She put her hand on her chest. "I don't see people as good or bad or evil. Bear hates that I see things as gray. What Judy did was wrong. Everything that she's done doesn't ….." Joey looked at her sister. "Sometimes people do terrible things and so you look for reason to argue their sanity and explain why they chose to make those choices." Joey sighed. "While other times, reason doesn't matter because the action itself is so heinous that even if you knew the reason it wouldn't change your mind." Joey looked at her hands. "She was my best friend." Shelby watched as tears ran down Joey's cheeks. "And became an angry, drunken coward … who beat the shit out of her daughters, especially Quinn... and who let... who let her husband rape her daughter. She became _that _person." Joey wiped her tears with the back of her hands. "It's not about forgiveness or reason. Those things don't matter. It is what it is and it's wrong and you can't take that back." She looked at her sister. "I know I can't take back that I didn't tell you, but I hope a tiny bit of you sees why I didn't."

Shelby put her head in her hands. She groaned. Her sister was right. It was more complex than right and wrong. It was what it was.

"You said she told you to tell me?" Shelby asked looking up.

Joey nodded. "There's something going on with her." She shook her head. "With all of them." She took her sister's hand. "And I need you to know that I'm here to help you."

"Help me?" Shelby laughed. "Thanks a lot, Jo."

"Shelby, you're exhausted. I'm not saying that you're doing a bad job-"

"By telling me I need help, you are," Shelby hissed.

"Pride aside, Shelby, how the hell are you going to get all the kids to their appointments?" She watched her face as it fell. "Bear and I have nothing to do..."

"You're full of shit. You're crazy and he's the chief of police," Shelby shook her head.

"Let us help you. We'll follow your rules, always have." She sighed. "It can be like before."

Shelby shot up and slammed her hands on the desk. "I don't want it to be like before!" She screamed. She looked at her sister. "Before the kids were a wreck. Noah was fighting. Santana was trying to run away. Rachel hid in every small space she could find and we could barely get her potty trained before she started kindergarten. Santana was so...devious. I don't want it to be like before." She sighed. "It can't be."

Joey looked at her. "I meant that we were here helping more then. We carpooled. We came over to dinner more. We helped out."

"You're already over her at least once a week. I talk to you practically every day," Shelby scoffed

"You know what I mean," Joey said. "Let us help. We can be here supporting you."

"I'm not going to ask you to parent my children," Shelby said with an exasperated sigh.

"You still will be the parent, Shel," Joey said gently. "Asking for help doesn't mean you're a failure. It means you have people."

Shelby sat their quietly for a moment. "I can't fail them again."

"Parenting is all about failing, Shelby."

"I know that more than anyone," she muttered.

Joey looked at her sadly. "I know. I'm sorry, but all we can do is try to do this the best we can."

Shelby looked at her. "I have to get it right this time."

"You haven't done anything wrong with them," Joey told her. "You've poured your life into them."

Shelby looked down. "Then why does it feel like everything keeps falling apart."

There was a soft knock on the door. Bear peaked in. "We're back." The women nodded at him.

…...

Santana wrapped her arms around Rachel as they sat together at the counter. Rachel was standing and Santana was sitting on the bar stool, her arms draped over her. She stared at the door waiting for her mother and aunt to come out. Waiting for her shame to be real.

She looked over at her brother. He had a furrowed brow. He looked pissed or deep in thought. She made a mental note to talk to him later.

Her mother emerged into the room and she felt her heart constrict in her throat. She gave Santana a soft smile. Santana didn't know is she should smile back. She was at a loss.

Santana opened her mouth to say something, but her mother beat her to it.

"Guys, go upstairs and bring your work down here please," Shelby said calmly. She watched them all frown and exchange looks. "Go on." They all started toward the stairs quietly. "Santana stay here for a second."

She sighed. She knew she wasn't going to get away that easily. Joey led the others into the living room to the foyer and up the stairs. Shelby waited until their voices died away before she turned to look at her daughter. Santana chewed her lip unsure of what would be said.

"Hi," Santana said her eyes darting around slowly.

"Hi," Shelby said quietly. Santana could see the exhaustion in her mother's eyes and could not help but feel more guilty.

"I'm sorry," Santana said honestly as she looked at her mother and then at the floor. "I know you're mad and disappointed and angry and..."

"Santana, look at me. I love you," she said simply. "More than I know that you love yourself." She shook her head. "I wish that you could see how much I love you."

Santana shook her head. Her mother was always saying shit like that. She looked at her mother with a tilt of her head. "Don't do that. I …. Please... just... I hate that you know... And I …." She shook her head. "I …. I didn't want anyone to know. This was me... and then last year...I realized that... I just... I couldn't." She bit her lip. "I just needed something for me...I know I failed but I thought... I thought... I could fail it would just be me... Just me..."

Shelby cupped her daughter's face. "There's nothing you can do to fail me," she whispered. She looked into her eyes and saw Santana look away. "Please look at me." Santana continued to look away. "Santana." She finally looked up. "I know that you blame yourself for what happened. I know that. And I hate that man every day for allowing you to think that, but you are so much greater than that."

Santana shook her head. "Mom, an Oprah speech isn't going to fix it." She looked at her quietly. "Please don't try." She looked at her with tears clouding her vision. "It's not that... I always knew that you loved me..."

Shelby gave a nod as she understood what her daughter couldn't say as she trailed off. "You don't think you deserve it," she finished.

Santana shook off her mother and wiped her tears. "You know now. I know that you know... and I won't... And I don't …. I can't talk about it with you anymore."

She looked at her daughter honestly. "Me neither. I'm exhausted. And you're exhausted. We won't talk about it anymore." Shelby soaked in her daughter's shock at her statement. "Tonight," Shelby clarified. "We will talk about this. You will also talk about this with Julia. I get that this wasn't about the men, San."

"Don't try to shrink me, Mom," Santana flared.

"Santana, tell I'm wrong," she challenged.

Santana silenced at that. They heard footsteps coming down the front stairs. She looked at her mother.

"Can we please not do this? I can't -"

"Fine," Shelby said. "Do you have any questions on your essays?"

"I have other homework too," Santana interjected.

"Good thing it's only seven-thirty then," Shelby retorted. "Plenty of time for you to get your work done. Santana, I want one of those essays finished tonight."

Santana groaned. "You can't be serious."

"Do I look like I'm joking?" Santana huffed and sat at the counter. Rachel entered a room with her backpack and Quinn and Puck trailing behind. Shelby frowned. "Rachel, you don't have work. Go sit in the family room and watch a movie."

Rachel shot her mother a look and shook her head as she climbed into the stool next to Santana at the counter. "Rachel, go into the other room. Quinn and Noah start on your essays first. I want the first one finished tonight along with your other homework."

"This is bullshit," Quinn muttered as she pulled out her math text book.

"Please let me stay," she begged.

"Rachel, you talk too much when you have nothing to do," Noah said honestly.

The tiny girl frowned. "That's not true."

"It kinda is," Santana replied as she pulled out a notebook from her bag her brother brought down.

Rachel looks at Shelby. "Fine," she hisses and she hopped down from the stool with a huff.

"Rach," Noah warns.

"Don't, Noah! Just don't!" Rachel started toward the family room.

Joey entered the room just as Rachel stormed out of it. "I'm going to go home for the night and take Charlie and Bear. I'll be back in the morning to get Rachel."

"Why?" Santana frowned.

"Because she doesn't have school," Shelby said quickly. She talked over to her sister. "Thanks... I'll see yeah."

There was an awkwardness between the two of them. Joey nodded. "Call if you need anything."

Shelby shot her a tired look. "I think I can handle it for twelve hours, Joey," she said annoyed. Joey sighed and pulled her into a hug.

"Whatever you say."

Shelby gave a chuckle. "Damn straight."

Joey nodded and hugged Noah. "See you in the morning." She combed her hand through his mohawk and a shake of his head. "Love you. He nodded.

She walked over and pulled Santana into her arms. "Everything will be fine," she whispered into her ear.

"You always say that," Santana whispered in the hug. "Nothing's ever fine."

"Well, thank you, Debbie Downer," Joey said kissing her temple. "We'll talk about this later."

"Can't wait."

Joey stopped at Quinn. "Don't hug me," the blonde said quickly with a sneer.

"Fine," Joey said with a smile. "I love you and I will see you tomorrow."

"You don't know me how can you love me?" Quinn asked.

Joey shrugged. "I don't know. Just do."

She walked out of the room. Quinn shook her head. "I don't like her."

"She's something." Shelby shook her head.

She peaked around the corner and saw Rachel sitting on the couch hugging Joey. She returned to the older three. She noticed Quinn working on her other work.

"Quinn, you can work on your other work beginning at eight thirty. I want at least one thousand words written before then."

"You're kidding," she scoffed. She shook her head and pulled out a piece of paper. "None of this matters. I don't understand why you think it does. All it is is crap to me."

"Quinn, cut the attitude or you're going to get two essays like Santana," Shelby warned. "And if they're not finished on time you wash everything in this kitchen by hand as well as the windows."

"You're serious?"

"I am and because there will be so much to do. You wouldn't be going to Cheerios either." Shelby sat down at her desk against the wall. "So I suggest you begin writing unless you want to see how serious I am."

Quinn sat there an stared at the woman with deep indignation. She continued to sit there staring at her paper until Shelby announced that it was eight-thirty. She looked down at her paper. "Where I see myself in five years? Far far far away from here." That was it. That was all she wrote. She counted. Thirteen words. Crap. She looked up at Shelby. As much as she argued, she hated disappointing people. It was a sign of failure, of weakness.

"Well, Quinn," Shelby said looking over her shoulder. "I see you put some effort in here, but I expect something better tomorrow."

"Great," Quinn murmured.

Shelby peaked around the corner and Rachel was no longer sitting up watching the movie. She was sound asleep in the most uncomfortable looking position. She sighed. "Stay here," she instructed. "I am looking over your problem sets when I get back."

She went into the living room and picked Rachel up with ease.

"No," Rachel whined. "I'm not tired."

Shelby scoffed. "Okay," she said as she went up the stairs.

"Cansansleepwithme?" she muttered into Shelby's neck and she entered Rachel's room.

Shelby sighed. "We'll see."

She felt Shelby lay her down in her bed and started to change her. Rachel's body was practically limp. "Mom, noonelikesme," she mumbled with her eyes closed.

"What?"

"." Shelby pulled the nightgown over her head.

"What, sweetheart?"

"Schoolalonenoone," Rachel mumbled.

Shelby tucked her in. "We'll talk about this more tomorrow," she whispered as she kissed her on the forehead. "Go to sleep, bug."

"I'," she muttered.

"Yeah, okay," Shelby said as she closed Rachel's door most of the way.

She made her way back downstairs with tired steps and was surprised to not hear bickering. She rounded the corner and everyone was in the same position. To her surprise, Santana and Noah were actually writing. Quinn had moved on to her own problem set.

"Guys, move on to your homework please," she said as she took a seat back at her desk. "And hand me what you have."

She leaned back in her chair and started to read what the kids had written. She stared at them. She should read them. However, in this moment she felt as if she were splattered on the wall. These days had been exhausting. She looked down at the essays, she needed to wait. She turned to her computer that was situated at the desk so that she could glance up and look at the kids and they didn't see what was on her screen. She double clicked a folder that she saved for occasions like this when she felt too exhausted to think.

"You have another hour, guys and then off to bed, okay?" she called out as she opened the folder.

Shelby returned her gaze to her computer screen and managed to put an ear bud in. She opened the first video. It was a series of home videos that she and Leroy had compiled when they were together of her and the kids. They had originally started because she was whining about missing moments with the kids when she was late at rehearsal or in school. He went above and beyond, like always. He had even arranged some of the music and put it together.

She pressed play.

**Leroy's face came into video. He smiled holding the camera unsteadily at their old Brown Stone in Manhattan. **

"**Okay," he said with a wide smile. "Welcome to the craziness, Shel. You are off being busy and important." He walked down the hall in a way that she always told him that made her think of an cracked-up version of the Blair Witch Project. "Okay, we're waking up the monsters now." He smiled at the camera and opened a door with a big spaceship on the door. Leroy pointed to it. He whispered, "He said he is too old for rocket ships. Being eight is hard." **

**The camera tilted and an eight year old Noah was sprawled out on his bed. "Noah," Leroy sang. "Wake up, lazy bones."**

"**Dad!" Noah groaned. He covered his eyes and then peaked through his fingers. "No camera! No camera!" **

**Leroy chuckled. "Come on let's wake up your sisters." **

**Noah slowly uncovered his face and a mischievous smile. "Okay." He climbed out of his bed and Leroy followed him as he ran out of the room and down the hallway to a large door with a big picture of on Buttercup from the Powerpuff Girls on it. He ran in. Leroy whispered in the background, "Oh, man. This is not going to end well. Sorry Shel." **

**The camera watched as Noah ran into Santana's room and pig piled on top of the sleeping form. Six year old Santana groaned. "You suck!" she screamed. **

"**Santana, watch your language," Leroy said. "Noah, get off your sister." **

**Suddenly a cry was heard off camera. "Looks like you guys woke up your sister." **

**Santana sat up. "Daddy, can I hold the camera while you get Rachel?" Shelby remembered scolding Leroy for letting their six year old hold the camera. The camera then teetered after Leroy as he went back into the hallway and landed on the last door at the end of the hallway with a music note on it. He opened the door and Rachel was sitting up in her crib looking through the bars. **

"**Hey there, bug," Leroy said picking Rachel up and resting her head on his shoulder. "Did you hear all that noise? Look at you sitting up on your own." **

"**At least she's not falling like a domino," Noah said with a chuckle. The camera turned in a way that Shelby could tell that Santana looked at her brother, most likely frowning. "Hey, it was funny. We would sit her up and she'd fall over..." **

"**Noah, go get on your swim trunks, you guys have lessons this morning." **

"**Is Rachel swimming too?" Santana asked as the camera sagged as her hand came into view as she reached up and took Rachel.**

"**No, Taz," Leroy said with a laugh. "Not yet." **

**Shelby laughed to herself as Rachel reached out and began to grip onto Santana's face. Leroy took the camera and aimed it at the girls. Rachel giggled as she grabbed at Santana's nose. **

"**Daddy, she's picking my nose," Santana said with a laugh. **

"**She's not. She's just... getting to know you," Leroy laughed and the camera moved with his chuckles. **

"**I don't pick other people's noses to get to know them," Santana said with frown. **

"**Well you're six. She's six months," Leroy chuckled. "Go on and get changed."**

Shelby watched the film stop and her mind drifted as she thought about the life she used to live.

"_Shelby," she heard Leroy's voice. "Shelby?"  
><em>

"_What?" Shelby asked with annoyance. _

"_What is up your butt today?" he asked with a smile kissing her on the cheek. _

_She shook her head. "I don't know. I just... I don't know." She bit her lip. "We need to talk." _

_His smile faded and he nodded. "Yeah... I know..." He chewed his lips. "San and Noah are asleep and..." He licked his lips. "I know that these past few months have been weird with us and..." _

_Shelby looked at him. She couldn't let him say it. She had a feeling that he was going to state the obvious: Their friendship wasn't enough for this marriage. They weren't enough for each other. The thing was she knew that. However, she wasn't strong enough to handle this alone. She couldn't. So without grace, care of consideration she spit it out._

"_I'm pregnant," Shelby said. _

_He frowned. "What?" _

"_That night... St. Patrick's Day," she chuckled at the irony. "Remember? When you and I pretended that everything was okay?" _

_He put his hand over his eyes. "What?" He shook his head. "Shelby, we already have two kids. I love them. So much. But..." He shook his head. "I didn't know that …. You...you know..." He looked at her. _

"_Well, quite frankly Leroy, you and I haven't done it in awhile... So no, I wasn't on birth control," she said with a sneer. She looked at him with a frown. "God! I didn't want this either. Did you think I wanted to trap you? My career is just starting again...and I …..." She licked her lips. "Do you want me to get rid of it?" she asked honestly. _

"_God, no," he spat. "I just..." He shook his head. "This just wasn't in the plan..." _

"_No shit," Shelby hissed. She leaned on the counter and put her head in her hands. "If you don't want to do this with me..." She shook back tears. "You don't have to." _

_He looked at her. She searched his eyes. She was afraid he was going to turn away from her. She was afraid he would leave her and not just as a spouse. He was thinking, deeply. She knew he too was holding on desperately to this. "No matter what you're my best friend," he said finally. "I'm not ready to give up on us." He wrapped his arms around her and put his hands on her stomach. "She'll be brilliant." _

"_It's the size of my thumb. You don't know it'll be a she." She arched her brow but leaned into him. _

_He laughed allowed her to break her frown. "Of course. It's a she." _

"_You're so pompous. Someday you'll be wrong," she laughed leaning her head back against his shoulder. _

_He shook his head. "Nah. I won't be wrong." He kissed Shelby softly on the neck. "She's our chance to start over. And you know what?" She looked at him. "I'll bet she'll be exactly like her mother. Beautiful." He kissed her. "Smart." He kissed her again. "And a huge, loud pain in my butt." _

"_I'm going to laugh when this child comes out all hating music and crazy and a he," Shelby laughed. "Because you'll be wrong." _

_He kissed her again. "Don't talk about Rachel like that." _

"_Leroy, you can't name her. She's a size of a pea. Jesus. Now you have me thinking it's a girl. It's too early." She turned and looked at him seriously. "Are we really doing this? We've been having problems. We can't fix it with a little tiny life-"_

"_Rachel," Leroy corrected. _

"_I'm not calling her Rachel," Shelby said. She shook her head. "The only reason you want to call her Rachel is because you have an obnoxious obsession with Jennifer Aniston. Friends is over-rated." _

_He laughed and kissed her. "Rachel's already mad that you're making fun of her name." He leaned forward and looked at Shelby's stomach. "Aren't you Rach?" _

_Shelby groaned and pulled Leroy back up by his collar. "We were just fighting two seconds ago and now you're talking to our child... who has no sex yet... and naming it..." Shelby shook her head. "I don't want this to be just some fantasy game that we play to cover up our problems." _

_He chuckled. "Well, I know what kind of fantasy games you like to play." _

_Shelby smacked him in the arm indignantly. "Inappropriate!" She sighed. "I'm being serious right now. Can you please be serious?" _

_His smile faded slowly. "We can do this. We can be old and grumpy together just like we said in our vows..." He looked at her hands as he held them. "I'm not going to give up on this family. We'll be okay." _

_She frowned and looked at him. _

"_I don't want you regretting this in two years, Leroy," she said. "I refuse to be that person for you." _

"_You won't, but I'm not going to give up on what we built without a fight," he said looking at her. "and I realize that I haven't been fighting enough. And I will." _

_She stared at him. She knew in that moment as a best friend she should tell him no. She knew that she shouldn't allow him to stay with her, but she also know that she didn't want this to end. She pulled him into a kiss. It was then that she allowed herself to live the fantasy._

"Mom?" Santana asked looking over her computer. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Shelby said. "What are you doing?"

"It's ten o'clock." Shelby sighed and turned off her computer. She looked at her daughter with a weak smile. "Rach wants you to sleep with her." Santana looked at her in surprise. "You can. Go upstairs." She nodded. "I love you a lot."

Santana nodded and headed up the stairs.

…...

Quinn blinked and stared at the ceiling. Shelby had tried to get her to stay in bed. That lasted for about five minutes. She felt her stomach gurgle. She was hungry. She just needed something little. Also she needed more than anything to get out of there. She needed to go for a walk and swing at the park. She wasn't running away but she needed to clear her head.

She climbed out of bed and pulled on jeans and a tshirt. She remembered seeing Shelby push the buttons on the alarm. She knew the code. She would slip out and then...

What was that smell?

No... She was imagining it...She opened the door to her bedroom. Nope. There was no imagining. Someone was cooking bacon.

She walked down the stairs. It was one o'clock in the morning. Who the hell was - She cut her own thoughts off. There at the counter was Puck. He was flipping what looked like pancake number ten.

"You're such a pig," she said from the doorway.

He looked up in surprise. "Thanks." He held out a plate. "Want some?"

"I came for the bacon," she sneered sitting at the counter.

He scoffed. "For some reason I'm not surprised." He laughed. "I remember after that night of wine you demanded in your angry-scary Quinn voice that I buy you a bacon cheeseburger. You were very specific."

"That surprised you?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said honestly handing her a plate. "Because you never seem to know anything else that you want. But you like bacon..." He thought. "You're such a weirdo."

She nodded and looked quietly at the full plate.

"Heard your thing with your mom didn't go well," Puck said casually.

"Well... yea... but I have a feeling you were expecting that..." she said with a glare.

He shrugged. "The first meeting is always hard."

"How would you know," Quinn said taking a bite of bacon.

"When San and I first saw Mom after everything... San was a wreck. She spent most of the time throwing things and hitting her... I think we had to end early that time. I didn't start to cause trouble until we moved back in with her," Puck said before he shoveled an entire pancake into his mouth. He caught Quinn's look of confusion. "I told you right? That you know... after my …. uh... after... Hiram, CPS had to do an investigation on my Mom so... all three of us were in care for a few months." Quinn frowned deeper. "What?"

"Are you serious?"

"It wasn't really a secret," he said with his mouth full. "I knew you were googling our family... so... You just need to ask..."

She looked at him. "Are you kidding me?"

He shook his head. "Rach was in the hospital most of the time. San and I were at the shelter for a little before I got moved to a family and-"

Quinn was so confused. Since when was Puck this talkative. Was he drunk? or high? "Shelter?"

He nodded and another pancake disappeared into his mouth. "Yeah... it's like a holding place for kids before they get foster homes." Quinn couldn't help but feel guilt in her stomach. While she and Santana had arrived at a new understanding, she just assumed that Santana had no idea what she was going through... or at least not that much. "Santana didn't get placed. She was too... She threw too much. And Rachel didn't either. Rach joined her at the shelter. There was a full nursing staff there... and Rachel needed that..."

"But... you have relatives that like you," Quinn said with a frown. "Why didn't they just ride in on their white horses?"

Puck frowned. "They all were out of state and they wanted us to stay together. We found out later that CPS knew that they were going to reunite us back with our Mom... I mean were were only in the system for a few months. Most of the cases last for a minimum of six months to a year. I don't know it's complicated because they were out of state and the case was such a high profile..." He shook his head and gobbled up another pancake. "Why are we talking about this?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"I'm …. just saying, Quinn," Puck looked at her with a small smile. "Maybe your mom will come around."

She looked at him with glossy eyes. "My mom isn't your mom," she said. "She never will be." She looked at her hands. "I'm glad you dumped Shitney-"

"Don't call her that," he groaned.

"You can do better than that," she said. "Like maybe you can date someone human next."

"We weren't dating," Puck interrupted.

"Yeah you were," Quinn said taking another tiny bite of bacon.

"What are you guys doing?" a voice asked from the door.

They turned and saw Shelby with her hands on her hips.

"Hey," he said sheepishly. "Just... um... I was hungry?"

"Noah, was that a question?" Shelby asked tiredly.

"No?" he asked again as he shoved pancakes into his mouth.

"Noah, no need to rush. Finish chewing and go to bed. I'll wake you up early so you can come down here and clean up this mess." Shelby examined Quinn as she spoke. "Why do you look like you're going somewhere?"

Quinn looked at her and straightened. "I just wanted to go for a walk."

Shelby groaned. She looked at Quinn's plate. "You really need to try and eat something. You hardly touched your dinner."

The blonde girl stared at the food. It wasn't that she didn't want to. It was that she couldn't eat a lot. She got enough to keep her alive, but a meal was just too big. It was too much.

_Quinn stared at her plate. It was her favorite meal. She refused to tell her parents though. She was sure they would stop serving it if they found out she liked it. _

_She was in the kitchen washing dishes when she felt an arm snake around her middle. She looked down. It was her father's. He had buttoned up his work shirt and cuffed it. She swallowed. He had been acting so strangely with her, touching her more, lingering his hand on her bottom after he punished her. She was twelve years old. She knew what that meant because of the whispers of sex amongst her classmates, but she wasn't sure why her cruel father was being like that with her._

_The arm tightened around her and he felt his other hand rub her back over her dress._

"_You certainly enjoyed your meal this evening, Quinn," he said into her ear._

"_It..It was delicious," she whispered trying to continue washing as his hand slipped under the back of her collar onto her bare back. "Daddy?"_

"_Hush, Quinn," he hissed. "Your mother is in the other room."_

_His hand wrapped around her middle fisted the front of her yellow dress and began to slowly push it up._

"_Daddy, please, I'm sorry. I … Please," she cried softly still holding the plate in the sink. _

"_Hush, girl," he hissed. He slipped a hand under the waist band of her tights. "You'll like this."_

_He began to tease her opening with his fingers and his thumb grazed back and fourth over something that caused her body to shiver and jump and drop of her place. She felt tingling and the need to pee at the same time._

"_Told you," he chuckled. He pulled his hand out and clamped his hand around her arm and pulled her into the study. _

_He put her hands on his desk. "Bend over," he ordered._

"_She had no choice as he bent her over and lifted her dress and yanked down her tights and underwear. _

_She let out a sob. He brought his hand down hard against her exposed bottom._

"_Shut up or I'll belt you," he scolded. "And I promise you won't sit for weeks."_

_She bit her lip as his hand ran over her bottom. "Spread your legs." She shook. His hand came down again, thrusting her whole body forward. "Spread them!" _

_Quinn followed. Suddenly she felt his fingers enter her. She cried out. He reached his other hand around front and began to massage the place that made her tingle while his other hand thrusted in and out. She bit back a moan. Did she like this? Suddenly her heart caught in her throat. Oh, God, did she? His pace continued. Suddenly, she started to get a weird feeling. She started to feel as if she needed to pee. A fear froze in her heart. If she peed on her father she didn't know what she would do... what he would do. _

_She trembled because she couldn't hold it. She couldn't. She was going to get beat. She squeezed her eyes shut hoping to hold it a little more, but she couldn't. _

_Then it happened. She felt as if she exploded. She trembled in her father's arms hoping that he wouldn't hurt her too much. _

_He chuckled. She froze and frowned._

"_That's my good girl," he said with a smile in his voice. "I knew you would like it." _

_He wiped his hands on her dress. "Fix your clothes."_

_She nodded. Her tights and underwear now felt wet. She wasn't sure what her body did, but whatever it did, she was left with its memory. _

_She bowed her head and looked at the floor._

"_Look at me Quinn," he ordered. She looked up. "Anything we do is our secret. You got it? You know what I'll do if you go against me." He grabbed her chin. "Do you hear me?" She nodded and he squeezed tighter. "You're my daughter. I can do what I want with you. You enjoyed that because you're a slut and so I'll continue to treat you like one." _

_Quinn nodded as she felt a sense of foreboding in her heart knowing that she and her father had crossed a new line and there was no going back. _

"_Go finish up the dishes," he father ordered._

_She nodded and returned to the sink with the dampness remaining between her thighs. She stared at the soapy water and the traces of the last favorite thing. As the bubbles began to disintegrate, she realized she couldn't remember why it was her favorite and now, it certainly wasn't. _

_She felt a surge in her stomach. She leaned over the trashcan and ejected it from her body. She stared at her vomit amongst the trash. She couldn't like it. Not anymore._

That had been the first time he had touched her like that. Games and touching like that continued until she was a freshman at McKinley. When it all first began, he didn't do anything while she slept. It was always after dinner, always in his study. Quinn frowned. She didn't remember the last time she had a whole meal. She ate enough to get her through the day and especially practice. Little bars. Sue's drink. That was it. Meals... She couldn't do it. Not anymore.

"No thanks," Quinn said. "I'm fine."

Shelby put her head in her hands. The girl had never seen the woman look more tired.

"Please, Quinn," she said. Quinn braced herself. What was she going to ask of her now. "I know that you want some space, but at two in the morning isn't the time." She sighed. "I know you're used to being alone and I know that this is a hard adjustment." She shook her head. "You're a smart girl. I know you are. Straight As." She looked at her honestly. "What is it that you want from me? Other than space?"

Quinn looked at her. She never felt so conflicted before with Shelby and especially never this guilty. "I appreciate everything that you've done for me …. but..." She looked at her hands. "It's not... I can't go to Florida... not because I don't want to." She looked at Shelby. "It's not my place. This is not my family."

"Then who is, Quinn?" Shelby asked with exhaustion.

Quinn looked down at her hands. "No one," she said as tears fell.

Shelby stood up and pulled Quinn to her despite the girl's quiet protests. "I know you don't think that you deserve good things, but I love you. And if you walk out that door, I'll still love you and I will chase you down and bring you back. If you start another fight at school, I will still love you. If you start another fight at home, I'll still love you." She looked down. "There's nothing that you have ever done or ever can do that will make me stop loving you as exactly who you are." Quinn's teary eyes searched Shelby's.

"You don't know," Quinn sobbed. "You don't know what I've done."

Shelby hugged her and kissed her temple. "That's true, but I know who you are and you're incredible. I will fight for you and love you."

"Please stop saying that," Quinn said pushing her away. "I am a lying slut. I know that." Her body shook. "You pouring all of this love and energy and time into me and pretending that I'm one of the family hurts. It hurts!"

Shelby watched the girl fall to the floor. "I've never pretended with you, Quinn."

"Haven't you? You treat me like I'm a part of this family like I deserve to be!" Her hands flew up as she talked. "I don't! You have your own children to focus on and you bring in dear old me."

"Do you know why I brought you in, Quinn?" Shelby asked.

"Because of who you think my mother used to be!" she spat.

"No," Shelby said shaking her head. She took a deep breath. "Because one day a file came across my desk at work, they needed me for a consult."

"I'm a file to you?" she hissed pushed her away.

"No," Shelby said clearly. "I didn't open it at first because I saw the name at the top of the file. Your name. I knew that I wanted to help you through whatever was in that file. I knew I wanted to help you before I opened the file, before I knew anything."

"You're lying," she said. "You don't know me! You don't know anything about me! Don't pretend that you wanted me because of me and because of just looking at my name on a stupid file that came across your desk."

"I remember Quinn, when we first moved here you were always the last to get picked up from school. Always. I even gave you my card once, remember?" Quinn looked at her as she took deep, exhausting breaths. "You and my daughter may have never been friends growing up. I knew that. Whenever I saw you, you had such old eyes. It's not pity. It never was. I just...I wanted... When your file came across my desk, I thought to myself, maybe this will be a chance for her."

"You felt bad for me," Quinn sneered.

Shelby shook her head. "No." She looked at her honestly. "I wanted to give you a chance to not have to be so old. I wanted to help you find that spark, maybe regain some innocence."

Quinn pushed her away. "I lost that a long time ago," she hissed.

Shelby took her hand. "It's never too late to start over and get some of it back."

"I need you to stop," she whispered.

"Too bad," Shelby said with a tiny smile. "I can't and I won't."

…...

Santana walked down the hallway and looked around wondering what people thought of her. She threw daggered stares at people who looked at her too long. She wasn't in the mood. The house had been a mess that morning and everything that weekend had been too exhausting for words. She felt so full and confused. Brittany was Brittany. She sighed. She knew that they weren't gay; she definitely wasn't. She knew that. But she loved her. It was an unspoken truth. She frowned deeply as she stopped at her locker. But it wasn't as simple as that. It never was. It wasn't about being who you were and shit and having it rain puppy dogs and rainbows with a side of dancing singing penguins. Life didn't allow absolutions. It kinda … she thought hard as she stared into her locker... Life just kept hitting you in the head. She frowned. Was that it? She shook her head. It was true. Things just weren't simple. It wasn't about accepting herself and skipping along down a happy free-to-be-you-and-me path. Instead she felt like she was falling into a neverending dark cavern surrounded by crazy fire whipping assholes trying to remind her of how much she could never get it right and never would. She shook her head. Clearly, she was losing it. The conclusion was still the same though: She didn't... She couldn't... Everything that had happened seemed too exhausting to absorb. It wasn't easy to love. It wasn't even easy to like. It wasn't easy to be loved. None of it was easy. And it certainly wasn't a battle that she wanted to fight.

She sighed and stared into her locker. Enough of this self-introspection Oscar Mayer Bologna. She reminded herself to thank her butt-head brother later for causing her to think too hard about herself just because he decided to do the horizontal mambo with dip-shit Barbie. She shook her head angrily. Fucking, dip-shit Barbie. She was such a royal pain in the ass. At least her brother could date someone who wasn't a moron. She frowned and made another mental note: Teach Noah the difference between moron and human.

She stared at her locker. Focus, Santana, she scolded herself. It's only Monday. She looked at her locker with a relaxed and satisfied smirk. There was a picture of her and Brittany and the squad winning Nationals last year. There was a picture of her and Brittany after a meet when they were younger. Tucked on the left side of her locker wall was a picture of Rachel when she was eight doing her obnoxious pouty face. Santana put that picture up reminded her to suck it up and pack it in. There was another of her family. On the door of her locker was a drawing that Rachel drew of the two of them. She scoffed. Rachel was a lot of things but a portrait artist wasn't one of them. There was a button from her father's jacket that fell off on the elevator that day taped into the corner of her locker. Several pictures of her and Brittany and other Cheerios confettied the walls of her locker. The Cheerios kept her sane and focused. She looked closely at a few of the pictures with a squint. Quinn was even in a few of them. It was funny how things turn out. She sighed and reconsidered. It wasn't actually. Nothing about it was that humorous at all.

"Hey," a voice said interrupting her.

She smiled and turned to the the group next to her, five of her closet friends and senior Cheerios smiled at her.

"You've been staring at your locker for so long, we were afraid you were going to fall in," Sophia Davis said with a grin.

Santana shook her head. "Don't worry about it," she said with a laugh. "Just a long night."

"Yeah?" Lys Niles, another senior asked. "Everything okay?" Santana laughed. That girl was always ready to talk about feelings.

Santana nodded. "Nothing to worry about."

"You sure, because we were starting to think you were going to fall into that rabbit hole you call your locker," Dani Keller interjected.

"Seriously," she assured. "I'm fine."

Kelly O'Malley frowned. Santana knew that frown. She swore that as soon as her friends became seniors they became all sorts of sentimental and Kelly was the worst. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? I know that you're emotional levels are paralyzed like that Superman guy in a wheelchair-"

"Pretty sure he's dead," Maribel Vasquez interrupted. "And I'm sure that that was remarkably rude."

Kelly quirked her eyebrow and turned her gaze back to Santana and the others. "But incredibly true. Right, San?"

"Yes, I'm emotionally frozen in time," Santana said in a singsong voice with a roll of her eyes. "What's your point?"

"Well... we're here if you want to talk. You've seemed especially... " Kelly shrugged. "Emotionally retarded lately. -"

"Still rude," Maribel interrupted.

"Hush," Sophia said. "Is it because of Q?"

Maribel leaned forward in a whisper. "All of us know about her dad..."

Santana's face hardened. "You don't," she snapped. She loved her friends but they were the worst at gossip. "I told you guys not to talk about that."

Dani rolled her eyes. "We don't..." She rethought. "Only to each other."

Santana frowned. "Seriously. Q might be a lot of things but I think of her as my family now and I know you girls do too."

"Yeah, yeah," Lys said. "Hos over bros or whatever."

Santana nodded, surveying the crowded hallway. "Thanks for the concern girls, but I'm good." She gave a smirk. "I appreciate it though."

"We gots your back, San," Kelly said. "You may be second in command or whatever because you can do that thingy in the air but we're seniors." She draped her arm around the brunette's shoulders. "We have our own power."

Santana rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know. You remind me all too often."

"There's a reason we're going to bring home another national's title," Sophia smiled. "And it's not Sue."

Suddenly a girl went sprinting by covered in slushy. The girls chuckled. "Isn't it a little early to be throwing slushies?" Santana asked.

"Haven't you heard?" Dani asked. "Your newest family member is on the war path this morning."

Lys shook her head. "That girl is the third girl this morning to get slushied."

Kelly nodded. "I don't know what type of family activities Mama Corcoran is leading, San, but the HBIC is back and thirsty for blood."

Santana groaned. "Lovely."

"Hey," Brittany said walking up to them staring after another freshman slushy victim. "Quinn's on the prowl I see."

"Apparently," Maribel remarked.

"Speaking of prowl," Kelly said with a hint of mischief in her eyes. "Whitney is being especially pissy lately. What's going on there?"

Santana smirked. "Well," she said with a glint in her eyes. "She and my brother got caught having sex at the bonfire... by my mother..."

Maribel scoffed. "You're kidding!"

She shook her head and folded her arms over her chest. "Nope. I had the unlucky displeasure of being present when they were caught. It was like that tenth dimension of hell." She looked at her friends. "Seriously."

Dani laughed. "That girl is one hot mess."

"I don't even know why she's on the squad," Sophia said.

"She's clearly terrible," Kelly remarked.

"Well, no one likes her not only because she sucks," Lys said.

"But because she's a McBitch," Maribel finished. She looked at her friend's who were staring at her in surprise. "Well she is."

Brittany nodded. "She's definitely a bitch." Santana watched Brittany closely after the comment, wondering if the girl knew something she didn't.

The warning bell rang interrupting them.

"Get to class kiddos," Kelly said with a smile.

"We're sophomores, Kelly," Brittany said. "Not five."

"But sophomores nonetheless," Lys laughed.

"Bye, bye, babies," Sophia waved.

Santana rolled her eyes as the five seniors disappeared into the crowd and turned to Brittany. "Hey."

"Hey," Brittany smiled. "Can we talk?"

"Now?" Santana asked wondering if she was actually suggesting skipping class.

"Yeah," the blonde smiled. "Now."

…...

"You look like crap," Mike said with a grin as he took a seat next to Puck.

"Thanks, man," he frowned.

"Long weekend?" he asked as the class began.

Puck sighed. "You have no idea."

"Well you're nutso ex is out in the hallway trying to get your attention," Mike said motioning toward the door.

He groaned. "She's not my problem anymore."

Mike shrugged. "Do whatever you want, but she has something to say." The two of them looked at the desperate girl at the window. "And I don't think she'll go away until you let her say it."

Puck huffed and asked for a bathroom pass. "What?"

She reached out to take his hand and pull him into an empty classroom. He yanked his hand back, but followed her.

"What do you want?"

"I'm going to give you one last chance to get back together," she said as if she was doing him an enormous charity.

He put up his hands and started out the door. "I don't need this right now," he said.

"Puck!" she yelled out to him. "Please."

He groaned and looked at her. "What do you want from me?"

"Us. I need us. It's our senior year." She was looking at him with more genuine emotion than he thought was possible.

"Whitney," he said with a shake of his head. "I can't. You and I had fun, but we're not... There was never an us."

She looked at him with a frown. "You're a dick," she scorned.

He kneaded his lips together with a slow nod. There was the Whitney he knew.

"There was something between us. You cared about me."

"Because you were my friend," he said.

"Who you fucked!" she shouted. "You are the worst boyfriend!"

"I never said that I was your boyfriend," he said again. "We didn't do labels. I told you that I wasn't into that."

She shook her head. "I can't believe I let you lead me on for this long."

He scoffed. "Yeah, I don't know. I never promised you anything. I never even tried."

"Don't blame this on me, Corcoran."

"You're the one who just called me out of class to YELL AT ME!" He waved his hands in the air. "Forget it, Whitney." He started for the door. "Whatever this is. We're done. Yeah I might have been a shitty boyfriend, but to me I was never your boyfriend."

She glared at him as she left the room. She was going to have the last word. And she knew exactly how to get it.

…..

Skipping wasn't hard. Brittany and Santana had done it before their freshman year. It was amazing how easily it was to just walk out of school. As much as it felt like a prison, you could still come and go with leisure as long as you walked around with a pass in your pocket.

Santana turned to Brittany. They were now sitting in the always silent auditorium balcony. "What's up?"

Brittany sighed. "What are we doing?"

She laughed nervously. "What do you mean?"

The blonde girl shook her head. "Clearly, we're more than friends." She looked at her hands. "I … I need to know where you stand." She chewed her lip. "It's confusing and I...I just need to know where you stand."

Santana looked at her. She started to shake her head. "I don't... I don't think I can do this with you."

She immediately saw the girl's face fall and she regretted her words. She needed to explain.

"It's not because of you," Santana said quickly. "It's just too much has happened and I don't... I don't know how to do this."

"And you think I do?" Brittany asked honestly. "They haven't really made a handbook on how to be gay in Lima, San, because I'm pretty sure everyone is stuck silent in their flannel closet." She sighed and began to pace. "But I know that I care about you. You're my best friend."

Santana watched her pace. The unspoken truth was on the tip of her tongue. It was there. It was right there. "I'm not gay," Santana said quietly. "I just love you." The blonde paced and was talking. Santana realized her words weren't heard because the paces and the cadence of Brittany's voice echoed in the watery cloud that filled her head. She forced herself to push through and listen.

"...I need you to explain it to me, San," Brittany's voice filtered back into her radar. She looked at her straight on. "I just... I need to understand."

"This weekend sucked," Santana deadpanned.

Brittany frowned. "What?"

"It fuckin' sucked," she said dryly. She licked her lips and took a deep breath. "My aunt told my mom about taking me to the clinic...about the guys..."

Brittany frowned knowing that her friend's history. "Okay..." she said slowly.

"I never liked any of those guys," Santana said lowly. "I never... felt …. anything...I never even tried."

Brittany shook her head. "Santana, I don't..."

"There's a lot that I haven't told you. There's a lot that I'm afraid to tell you." She frowned. "It's not that I don't love you. I do." Santana was too busy looking at the ground to see Brittany's look of shock. "That's always been true... and I realized that this weekend. That's not why I can't do this. I'm afraid of the looks and the whispers... but I'm also afraid of what we could be. You mean so much to me and I ….. I hope so so much," she squeezed her eyes shut still unaware of Brittany's loss of words. "I hope that you love me back. Too much has happened though, Brittany. I can't breathe. It's not just about accepting who I am …. who we are... I can't... I can't breathe...without you... But I can't let you in because I love you too much. You're too... I just... I can't... I can't do that to you and I can't. …... be with you because I'll ruin everything. You are my best friend. I don't want to bring you into this. I can't. I need you not to love me back. I want you love me... God! I'm not making any sense."

"Santana-"

"I'm scared and I can't do this. I love you but I can't do this. We cannot do this. We cannot be a we. Those guys never mattered to me... I just needed to fix... I just needed to understand... Do you hear me? We can't do this. We just can't. It's not an option. It's not a discussion. We just can't." Santana didn't realize that she couldn't stop talking. It was flowing out of her like an open drain.

"Santana-"

"When you know me, when you see how fucked up everything is, you'll want to leave. You'll have to. I can't love you..." She was like a runaway train. Her words and her explanation made sense in her head. Brittany couldn't love her. They couldn't be together. She couldn't be with anyone. She just couldn't. "I need you to see that. I need you to see that I have nothing to offer you. You don't want me. And I -"

"Santana, shut up!" Brittany shouted.

Santana frowned and looked at her with confused eyes. "What?"

"You said that you love me?" Brittany chuckled. "I was just... I just thought we would...I thought maybe this conversation would end with a date... but leave it up to you to skip over a few pivotal steps." Santana cracked a small smile. Brittany refocused. "Santana, I've known you for...forever... since you moved here. I know your past is complicated."

Santana shook her head. "You really don't," she said quickly. .

"Don't tell me you think I can't love you because you think you're too screwed up," Brittany said with a sharp tone.

Santana looked at her with fiery eyes. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

"I do!" Brittany yelled back and took a step forward. "I've been here! I've been at sleepovers when my mother puts your coat in the closet and you can't go get it! I've been at your house when I dropped a bowl and Rachel literally can't breathe and she has to go on that machine. I know you can't sleep without Rachel or without checking on her at least once and that you pretend that it's her that needs you when it's really you needing her. I have been there! You just have blocked all that from your memory." The blonde breathed heavily. Santana could feel her breath on her forehead but she refused to look up. "I've never pushed you to talk about anything and I never will. But that doesn't change my feelings about you." She felt Brittany's hand on her cheek and she tried her best not to lean into it. She leaned in, but she quickly pulled away.

"Well, it should," Santana hissed taking a step back. "You don't want to build something with me. You can't. How will we build a life? Have friends? Children?"

"Santana! We're sixteen fucking years old! All I want it to figure out how to graduate and get out of here. Why are we talking about children?" Somehow they were screaming. It always escalated until both of them were screaming. "I just... I want a chance to figure it out with you." She shook her head. "Why are you a million steps ahead?"

Santana looked at her tearfully. "Because I need you to see why this won't work...why it can't."

"Are you that desperate to sabotage your life?" Brittany asked quietly. Santana's silence was her answer. She cupped her face. "I don't know what happened but I know it was terrible but you can't let it ruin your life."

"It's not that easy to just put a band aid on it with words," Santana sneered backing away. "It's so easy for you to say sweet things. To want to fix it, but not everything can be fixed!"

Brittany reached out again. "Well, fine," she said. "Then let me be broken with you."

Santana looked at her in shock. Brittany was right. They were sixteen fucking years old; they didn't need this. "No, fucking way," she said quickly. "No."

Brittany leaned down and rested her forehead on Santana's and bushed the back of her neck. Neither of them noticed a new pair of eyes watching them because they were so caught in each other's touches. "It wasn't really a request." She licked her lips and felt her nose touch to hers. "If that's what's holding you back, San, then I will not give up on us."

"There is no us," Santana whispered.

"You already began the us when you said you love me," Brittany said pulling her closer.

"I can't," she whispered again.

"You think that now, but you will because I can't walk away from you." Brittany looked up and met her eyes. "I won't." Santana shook her head, but didn't pull away. Brittany leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. She kissed her back with such promise and hope.

"Please can't we try," Brittany asked breathlessly. "It might be a clusterfuck. It will be fucking hard because of all of it. Everything that you said. The whispers, the talks, the huge weight that you carry on your shoulders." Brittany chuckled and nudged Santana, kissing her softly in the corner of her lips. "I'm scared and confused. I don't know if I'm a …. I don't know about labels but I know that every confusing feeling fills me up and empties out of me all at once when I think of you."

Santana tearfully looked at her. Their breaths still on each other's faces. "Please, Brittany."

"All I'm asking is for you to try," Brittany whispered. "So stop thinking about how you're going to fail."

Santana looked at her and leaned forward. She took a deep breath and looked into Brittany's eyes and as she drew her forward into a kiss, she let go and for the first time, she truly let herself fall.

…...

Shelby pushed open the doors to the CPS office. She was exhausted. It took her another hour to get Quinn to sleep. She ended up staying with her. She was then woken up by her alarm to remind her son to get up and wash the dishes. The morning turned chaotic. Rachel had a meltdown over something. Santana was pacing and acting strangely. When Joey finally arrived to get Rachel they were all running out the door. Then dropping the older kids off at school was an uphill battle. Quinn huffed about having to get her paper signed by her teachers, but took it. Shelby swore she saw a slight look in her eyes. Maybe she had gotten to her. Maybe. Noah and Santana bickered most of the way to school about everything and anything. By the time, they arrived at McKinley, Shelby just wanted them all out of her car. Now here she was at CPS, sure and ready for another fight.

She hadn't told Quinn that she knew about what Judy did, but she had managed to send an email to Jackie explaining the situation. It changed the case. It changed a lot. Shelby walked in, coffee in hand into Jackie's office. Gloria Hayes, the unit supervisor was already sitting there with her morning coffee in hand.

"Are we ready for this?" she said with a chuckle.

Shelby scoffed. "Nope."

She and Gloria went way back. They had dealt with several cases, but this had been the first where Shelby was the foster parent instead of a professional colleague.

"Is our ray of sunshine here yet?" Gloria asked.

Elyse took a seat next to Jackie. "I saw her pull up."

"Hold on to your hats, ladies," Gloria said catching Jackie and Shelby's eyes. "This'll be a long morning."

Shelby sighed and took a sip of her coffee.

Judy sighed and came into the room. She looked at the women. "I'm here," she sneered.

Gloria stood and held out her hand. "Gloria Hayes. We met yesterday."

Judy didn't take her hand. "I left a message on your phone. Let's step out and take care of that."

"I'm not doing that," Judy snapped.

Gloria nodded and said evenly, "If you don't, you can't stay here."

The blonde woman frowned and followed the older woman out with a huff.

Shelby looked to Jackie. "Breathalyzer?" she asked.

Jackie nodded. "I'm going to tell her about the trip you're taking to Florida this weekend. I don't want you to tell her." Shelby nodded. "She's already not going to like what we have to say."

Shelby scoffed. "Never does."

Judy reentered. "Good to go," Gloria said taking a seat.

"I told you," Judy snarled.

"Alright," Jackie said sitting down. "Let's talk about your behavior yesterday."

"I was having a bad day," Judy said. "Can't people have bad days?"

"They can," Jackie replied. "However, your behavior was not only inappropriate but harmful to your daughter."

"I never touched her," Judy hissed.

"Not yesterday," Shelby mumbled.

"Shelby!" Jackie warned.

"Sorry."

Jackie went on. "Your visits will be supervised here. We were going to try to outsource you to our other company that does visits in a more home-like environment instead of this office one, but you haven't been able to prove that you're ready for that."

Judy shook her head. "This is outrageous. She is my daughter."

"We understand that, Judy, but right now, she is a ward of the state. You have no parental rights here," Gloria explained. "If you hope to, you need to start cooperating and at least start showing your daughter some respect."

Judy scoffed. "Respect. You do not know Quinn."

"And you do?" Shelby asked. "Give me a break, Judy. You're not here for her. You're here for Russell you said it yourself."

"Shut the fuck up, Berry!"

"Hey!" Gloria scolded. "Enough! You two are acting like teenagers! Stop it!"

"But honestly, we're supposed to have a case plan here," Shelby continued. "Quinn was so shaken up after yesterday. I don't think she wants to come and see her. She's more afraid of what Judy will do to her if she doesn't. This is not okay for her."

Gloria and Jackie exchanged looks. "We know that this is hard for Quinn."

"I don't think any of you do," Shelby said putting her hands up. "I'm here to fight for Quinn. I know that ultimately so are the rest of you. But she lives with me. I have fallen in love with that little girl. Fight for her! She doesn't need this!"

"Shelby," Jackie said gently. "Calm down."

"This woman clearly is abusing my child," Judy sneered. "She just said she's in love with her."

Shelby leaned forward to shout something and Jackie pushed her back. "Judy, she is your daughter's parent right now. I haven't heard you ask one question about how Quinn is doing."

Judy tightened her lips. Jackie went on. "This woman has gone above and beyond for her. Actually, I will take the time to tell you now that Quinn will be going to Florida with the family over fall break."

Judy laughed. "No, she is not!"

"She is," Jackie said. "While you have no right as a parent, I wanted to let you know."

"She's not going," Judy said again.

Shelby smiled. "She is. And she'll have a marvelous time." Gloria shot Shelby a look. "Sorry."

"She's not going," the blonde woman said again.

"It's not a discussion, but perhaps you can discuss it in therapy. How's that going? Did you start that?" Gloria asked.

Judy shook her head. "This is bull! I don't need therapy."

"Your daughter is accusing your husband of sexually assaulting her," Gloria said calmly. "Professionally, I recommend that you speak to someone about that."

"My daughter is a liar."

Gloria looked at Jackie and nodded. Jackie licked her lip and took a deep breath, preparing herself for the storm. "The police are going to be asking you some questions," Jackie began. "Quinn has made some accusations about you. I wanted to prepare you for that."

"What the hell did she say?" Judy hissed.

"Please refrain from raising your voice. We won't talk to you if you raise your voice."

"I'll fucking raise my voice if I want to," she shouted. "What the hell did she say?"

"We're going to have to ask you to leave, Judy," Gloria said. "This meeting is over."

"No! No!" Judy shouted. Shelby watched as Gloria pulled out a panic button and pressed the button. She laughed and shook her head. "This is all crap!" She walked toward the door. "She probably said I hit her! She's a lying, selfish bitch!"

"Judy, leave right now," Gloria said. "The police have been called. I recommend you leave."

"No!" she shouted. "I want to know what she said!" She turned to Shelby. "What did she say? What did she say?"

Shelby narrowed her eyes at the woman. "Get out before you get arrested."

"Bitch!" Judy said launching herself at Shelby. Shelby immediately put her hand up and held Judy's forehead.

"Oh, lady, I would like to see you _try _to hit me," Shelby said as she pushed Judy away from her. A security guard stepped in and held Judy around the waist.

"Let me go, you imbecile!" Judy breathed heavily. "Fine," she shouted. "I'm leaving! Don't believe a word that lying bitch says.." She shook her head and started for the door but stopped. She turned with a chuckle and faced the team of women. "I bet she never told you she was pregnant." Judy watched with satisfaction as all of their faces looked back at her with a mixture of varied emotions. She looked Shelby in the eyes. "That's what I thought. Not only is she a liar, she's a killer too." She turned. "Have a good day."

…...

**Your reviews keep me going and I'm so grateful. Thank you. There aren't enough words. I appreciate you all taking this journey with me. Please let me know what you think. **

**An off topic question: Did anyone catch the song that Brittany and Santana quoted in the last chapter right before Rachel's dance class started? If you know it, you and I will be best friends... because that song makes me smile... from ear to ear. **

**Also, this chapter is partially a result of no sleep because I tried a local coffee place's "power coffee" and then was offered a free bonus shot. At least 3390 of these words resulted from the all nighter from that coffee. I really hope you can't tell which... if you can... I'm sorry.**

**One last side note, i had a parent client who disliked me and was always rude during my visits. Right before he left, he always told me, "Have a good day." Yeah... bugged me.**

**Thank again for your endless support. It means a lot. **


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

HIsland429 – you are correct in the song – thank you. One of my favorites. Shelby will be listening to Rachel more but she has had an incredibly awful weekend but she knows that she has all week with Rachel at home and she plans to talk to her a lot throughout the week with her feelings. Will is not her only friend and you will see it more and more – she has friends but they are in dance class so she does feel lonely at times – it's just at school she has felt alone. Quinn is not near any point to standing up to Judy – she has had 16 years of being yelled at by that woman – so unfortunately for Quinn it maybe a long road. Thank you for always reviewing the chapters. I hope you like this one.

piecesofyourheart – I am glad you were surprised. Brittana is going to keep going in this story – it may not always be happy but it will be there. This is a major hurdle for Quinn and Shelby and we shall see where it goes – it is a lot and a very sensitive matter so we will see. Sorry but this chapter will have some of the Schuester in it so do not have any sharp instruments near.

btvscharmedgirl – Santana and Quinn are the hierarchy of the Cheerios for a reason and they have friends on the Cheerios, lots of them and you will see in the next couple of chapters. More Brittany to come. Thanks for the review.

amandaes417 – More Rachel in this chapter and definitely coming up in the future chapters. Brittana is strong and will be coming up more and more. Thank you for reviewing.

TommyH – Be very nervous about Whitney! She is bad news. Poor Quinn – to have a mom like Judy and to then be pregnant – terrible. Thanks for the review and I hope you like what is coming next.

broadwaybound2016 – Thank you for saying that you loved the video. I am doing my best to fit in the kids pasts and showing a little piece of their lives before everything bad happened. Leroy was a great man so the kids need to remember pieces of him. Thanks for the review as always.

NinjaGleek21 – You are correct where the song came from – great job! Trust me Russell will get what is coming to him – but it wont be for a while. Trials take a while and he is not going to admit to anything so there might be a fight for justice – but it will come – trust me.

Renata – Yes I was lucky enough to meet both of them and see Spring Awakenings. I am honored by your words regarding my story. You are correct it is a very big secret that Joey kept from Shelby and Shelby is/was furious but in the long run it was for Santana's best interest. Imagine if Joey found out and told Shelby and Santana denied and clammed up – she would do it anyway and not be safe about it. Joey did not agree with Santana and did not approve of what she was doing she was just trying to make sure she was safe and in hindsight she should have shared it with her sister. The bond between Shelby and Joey is strong enough so that Shelby trusts Joey with everything in her life and vice versa. As always thanks for your reviews and never apologize for the length of them.

val-cb – As always – thank you for the review!

BMontague – Thank you for reviewing. I love the Disney classics too. Joey and Shelby are siblings so they share a lot and parenting ways is one of them. So for Shelby to have Joey in her corner all the time – it gives Shelby strength. Quinn's whole family life is filled with vomiting moments and now that she experiences what a true family is like she will begin to grow and see how bad her parents really were to her. Because this is the only family she has known so she needs to be shown love and support and not hatred and rage. I don't think a two week spa trip is in the near future for poor Shelby but maybe a day or two of drama free can be worked out for her. Britt and San are working it out. You may found out in this chapter who was lurking in the background!

bornthisway0201 – Please do not apologize for not reviewing. My heart goes out to you and your family for your tragic loss. May your nephew rest and peace. I am truly honored that you have found solace in reading my story during this horrible time for your family.

Charley Quinn – Quinn's walls are up very high. I mean she has been living her whole life with those crappy people so she is extremely guarded but hopefully as you can see they are starting to crumble ever so slightly – Thank you for reviewing the story. As much as I hope to get a chapter written faster I don't think I could possibly get one done every day though but thanks for checking!

Glitter96 – Well it will be bumpy but it will be end game. So thank you for reviewing.

Cookie – Rest assured – Santana is NOT going to try and kill herself – she has terrible things happen to her and she has had difficult times and will have some more but in no way is she going to try and commit suicide. She is too strong for that and she would never leave Rachel. Now I wont spoil it anymore but I wanted to make sure you knew that I am not going there with her character or any others for that matter. She may not love herself but she knows there are a lot of people that love her. Thanks for the review. I will possibly put in a flashback of devious little Santana but I have to find the right spot- maybe while in Florida (I already have one in mind. It made me giggle when i thought of it). Not sure about the essay, probably only pieces of each of their essays.

ArmyOfWuh – I would never try and get rid of you! I don't know was that a review? Thanks for your kind words.

marinka4 – I did not mean to be evil! Sorry about that – it just seemed like the best spot to close that chapter and I was at 15000 words so… More Brittany moments and Quinn hurting Schue we shall see – Thanks for taking the time to review.

OTHangels – More Brittany/San moments are coming trust me. Joey knows that San has a special look for Brittany – not so sure she thinks its all girls yet. Thanks for reviewing.

Ryoko05 – Thanks! hope you enjoy this chapter!

Stevensone – I am so glad you can appreciate the pace of the story and yes because I get an idea in my head I have to jump and write down that scene but then most of the time I have to go back and fill in all the parts that build up to the scene so it is done right. If I don't go back and rebuild then the story wouldn't make sense – so thank you very much for seeing that.

SuzQQ – Again – love the review. Your observations are great and I won't spoil the latest Quinn development for you just yet but you will find out soon I promise you. Brittany is very strong in this story and Santana needs that she cant have her run away from her. She shots straight and to the heart and Santana needs her. Joey and Shelby will always support each other they are very close sisters and always have each others backs. Noah is a great guy and he will learn from the ladies in his family – he is the guy that every girl wants to date and take home to their parents. He just has to believe in himself a little more. The Corcorans are considering Quinn as family but she is going to take a little more time to consider them family because to Quinn family is an evil word. Thank you for always reviewing.

Dave Green – The reason I have Rachel and Santana listed main characters and not all is because they only allow 2 to be listed. Rachel is one of the main characters and a lot will happen or has happened to her but she is part of a larger family. So I am sorry to disappoint you. There are major arcs coming and because this story is a work in progress sometimes to get to these arcs takes time. I have most of the arcs written already but it does not make sense and the story would not be very good if I just threw them in there. I build around them and sometimes to get to them takes longer than I anticipated. Trust me I would like to get them in the story as fast as possible but I also like to write characters properly. I appreciate the review and I hope that you will continue reading the story.

NayaFan – Don't apologize – I read your stories and I can only imagine how busy you are because you are writing so many at once. Puck is a guy and sometimes I think they are way more straight forward than females so yes – he would just tell Quinn the story – she is family to him now so sharing is not a problem for him. Brittany is much more observant than Santana has ever given her credit for and with Santana being so guarded she needs Brittany in her life and Brittany to act the way she acts. Thank you so much for your review. It means the world to me.

Gleek1990 – No offense taken – do not worry. More Quinn is coming – although she does have a tough road ahead unfortunately. You may find out who was listening this chapter!

FFfree – Puck and Quinn NEVER slept together – they barely got through a date – so there is no way that the baby was ever his baby. You will find out whose it was in the next chapter though. I will update changes as soon as I can – I don't want to just throw in a filler to the story just to update it – it is not fair to my readers to do that and that story is still very near and dear to my heart so I am trying – thank you for your patience! Thanks for the review.

Abby – Thank you for the review. I am glad you are enjoying it.

Anon – I really enjoyed writing the video scene. I wanted to show a little more of Leroy. Yes Quinn being pregnant and there is nothing innocent about it – thank you for reviewing.

banjojd – Shelby will always reassure Santana and that is what Santana needs because she beats herself up so badly. Quinn tale is heartbreaking and we will find out who the father is soon enough and we may even find out Judy and Russell's reaction but don't hold any hope of them being caring in the least. The family vacation is coming but it is a few chapters off – only because when I sit down to write I always feel that I need to take the scene that I have in my head a little further than expected – does that make sense? I do have quite a few future arcs and sometimes it takes me away from writing the present chapter but if I don't write it as I think about it I may lose it so – thank you for appreciating that. Thank you for reviewing too.

Random Dice – More Brittana coming your way this chapter! I hope you like it. Unfortunately with the family Quinn has been raised in – her flashbacks rarely have joy in them. Thank you for reviewing.

KatyVixen – Thank you so much for your kind words. I try to make sure that the chapters flow nicely and I am constantly checking and rechecking to make sure. Thanks

dreamchaser888 – Here's the next chapter – thanks for the review.

TheTBone - your reviews always warm me up and inspire me. I missed you so much you have no idea. So thank you. You catch so much that even I forgot that I wrote. It warms my heart. Thank you. I have missed your reviews and always get paranoid that I chased you away. However, do not let you feel badly. We all have lives and we must live them. Never apologize for that. :) Quinn has a lot of stuff going on and coming up but so does San, and Rach and even Noah. We will see. Thank you so much for your reviews. I cannot thank you enough.

Theilliterate - Wow Chile Hello! - I think from your review you will be pleased with the progress in the chapter - lots of Brittana, more Rachel and more Quinn. Noah has his moments too. Thank you for reviewing and welcome Chile.

**Hi everyone, so as always, this chapter was meant to be shorter and not have a few scenes in here. however, the characters got away from me. Therefore, I'm sorry this chapter is so long, but I hope you can understand why it is. We will be going to FL, trust me I won't forget. They need to go to FL for a lot of reasons, but also for something big to happen... I apologize if you are getting frustrated with me teasing you all with what is to come. Again, you are all always welcome to PM me with any questions or concerns and I'll do my best to answer. Thank you all for your continuous support. **

**Sidenote: This hit me like a ton of bricks. For anyone who has ever read, **_**Little Women**_**, I realized that I named the two characters unintentionally: Joanne "Joey" and Lawrence "Bear" Carlson... Sorry... If anyone read, **_**Little Women **_**you may see that connection... Anyway... onto the story with over 17,000 words. **

****Warning** This chapter may trigger somethings. There is discussion of abuse.**

* * *

><p>Rachel looked over at her aunt and back down at her book. She looked back over at her aunt slowly again and then back at her book. The third time Joey had had enough.<p>

"Rachel, for someone who wants to be an actress, you might want to work on your subtly," Joey said as she put down her file she was grazing through.

Rachel nodded slightly. Joey went over to the love seat in her large office and sat down next to her niece.

"What is it, munchkin?" she asked quietly. "I promise I'm almost done here and we'll leave."

Rachel shrugged and shook her head. "Nothing," she said quietly.

"Clearly, we need to teach you how to lie... I mean act better." Rachel looked up at her aunt with a tiny smile and then returned to her hands. Joey nudged her. "I know this has been kinda a hard couple weeks." She sighed. "Whenever I see you, you seem a little down." Joey laughed. "I mean I haven't been told lately that I was a terrible person for wearing Uggs."

Rachel scowled and looked at her aunt. "They're made of sheep skin. Sheep's skin! You're wearing a dead animal."

Joey beamed. "There's my sweet girl," she said with a smile. Rachel returned to being sullen.

She shrugged. "I'm just... I'm just sad."

She nodded seriously. "I see that, sweetie," Joey said. "Is this just about school?" She paused. "Or Quinn?"

Rachel looked up suddenly. "Why would I be sad about Quinn?" She shook her head. "Quinn didn't do anything."

"It's okay to still care about her, Rach and be stressed about the different arrangement," Joey said.

"It's not that," she whispered. Rachel looked up at her. "Please can we go?"

"Do you wish you were still at that school, Rach?" she asked carefully.

Joey watched as her niece thought carefully. "I wish... " Rachel began but trailed off. "I wish that …. I wish that people let me handle things myself. But Noah reminded me that I act childish." She looked up at her aunt. "Don't you think that's because they still treat me like a child?..." She bit her lip. "I know that I'm... not like normal kids but I just wish that I can handle things myself without people... I dont know butting in."

Joey nodded. "Okay, how would you have handled the situation?"

The frown melted off of the young face. "Um... " No one had asked her that before. "I just would have coped."

"Would you have ever told an adult?"

"About what?" Rachel asked. She saw her aunt look at her harder. "Oh. um... I don't know. I dont think so."

"Why?" Joey encouraged.

"Because I want to make my own mistakes." She nodded at her answer.

"Mistakes?" her aunt asked with a frown. "Rachel, do you think you deserved to be treated like that?"

"How else will I learn how to be tough?" she asked. She paused, gathering her words. "I can't expect everyone to come in and save me all the time."

Joey chuckled. "Well, you're eleven so you have some time." She turned her body to face her niece. She could see that the girl needed a distraction and most importantly she needed something to look forward to. "We're going to do something today. You and me."

Rachel frowned. "Yeah... You've said that already when you picked me up." Rachel rolled her eyes. "Right now we're sitting in your office you and me... Are you counting that?"

Joey scoffed. "No," she laughed. "You want to start over right?"

Rachel nodded. She did more than anything. The school year had started out terrible and now she was stuck in the mud of her funk. She blamed the Annual Thirty-Second Lima Musical Celebration this past summer. That's where she met Jeannie Marks. That's where she beat Jeannie and that's where she made an enemy. Starting over sounded like a perfect idea.

"Have you ever heard of Gable School for the Arts?" For the first time in so long that Joey almost forgot what it looked like, she saw Rachel grin so widely that her eyes sparkled.

"Yes! Yes!" she said sitting up. "My mom said okay to that school?"

Joey laughed. "She and I talked about it being an option. It's not going to be the only one. We're going to take a tour though. There and Kennedy School for Girls and maybe even St. Mary's Academy."

"We're not Catholic," Rachel said with a frown. She leaned close to her aunt. "Won't I burn in the fiery pits of hell for eternal damnation if I go there? I don't know how to draw the cross's sign," Rachel said hurriedly.

"First of all, you're not burning in any pits ever. And secondly, it's the sign of the cross." Joey frowned. "Who's telling you you're going to go to hell? Where did you learn that?"

"There was a program on PBS," Rachel shrugged. She frowned. "PBS doesn't lie."

Joey shook her head. "We might need to have you rewatch that with someone who can decipher the actual information that they're rattling off for you. Even though we're not Catholic, it doesn't mean I want you thinking that they think we're just going to spontaneously erupt in flames once we die."

Rachel frowned deeper. "I don't need you to translate PBS for me, Aunt Joey."

Joey stood up. "Alright, my little know-it-all, let's go look at schools."

"The documentary was extraordinarily clear, Aunt Joey," Rachel said with a thoughtful frown. "Really...It was part of a mini-series, the Unholy Trinity. It was actually fascinating and talked about the corruptions of the Catholic Church. It was about …..." Joey rolled her eyes and Rachel continued to prattle as they walked out the door.

…..

Shelby sat in the office with her head in her hands.

"How can this be happening?" she asked the floor. She looked at her colleagues. "And how did I not know about this?"

Elyse and Jackie stared back at her. "It wasn't in her file," Jackie said.

"Well, there really isn't a place to put it, is there?" Shelby hissed as she stood up. She waved her hands in the air. "Judy is vindictive. Maybe she's lying."

Elyse and Jackie looked at each other. "Even if she is," Jackie said finally. "We need to know."

Shelby squeezed her eyes shut. "Why?" she asked, even though she knew the answer. She put her head back in her hands. Her colleagues looked at one another again. "Whatever you're not saying because of me, just say it." She looked up at the women.

"We need to know who the father is...or was," Elyse said sitting down. "We need to know what happened here. If she really is or was ever pregnant. If this baby is alive. If it's dead how it died."

"Why?" Shelby asked. She knew it was an idiot question but the idea of having to go home and ask Quinn these questions made her feel as if her heart was on the floor.

Jackie chewed her lip. "If," she began slowly. "If this baby was..."

Shelby put her hand up and stood up as she put her hand to her mouth. She shook her head. "No," she said. "No...No..."

"Shelby," Elyse began. "We barely know anything that happened in that house. We know nothing. We can't help her heal if we don't know at least some of the pieces-"

Shelby continued to shake her head. "No... I just... No."

"Shelby," Jackie said seriously. "We can't get Russell without knowing anything... We can't get him without Quinn."

"We have been careful not to push Quinn on a lot," Elyse said carefully.

"So you're going to start on this. Oh, hey, heard you might have been pregnant?" Shelby shook her head. "Over my dead body. You're not going to get to her like this, by pushing her."

"Shelby, you know why we need to talk to her about this," Jackie said. "You know just as much as we do. Judy made an accusation. She told us that Quinn had a baby and killed it. That could mean a number of different things. If that little girl handled this by herself..."

Shelby watched as she trailed off. "I hate Judy Fabray." She looked at the two women. "Quinn isn't a violent person."

Jackie took a deep breath. "According to her file she is, and if she hid a pregnancy had a baby and killed it... well, it wouldn't be the first time we've seen a case like this."

Shelby put up her hands. They had all heard the stories. They had all worked with those kids who had had children too early and became overwhelmed.

"No, no. I... no... She had an exam. Didn't she?" She looked at the women. "The three of us know that a birth would have been detected. Quinn was scared and incredibly so. If she had a secret baby, there would have been physical signs of that. That girl is smart, but she can't hide that."

"Are you suggesting that she have another exam?" Jackie asked.

Shelby looked at the floor as she heard Judy's words over and over in her head. She shot up her gaze suddenly. "Quinn may have murdered her baby," Shelby said. "But it's not murder to all." The women looked at her with confused frowns.

Suddenly Jackie realized what Shelby was saying. "An abortion," she stated.

"I saw that they were deeply conservative," Elyse remembered reading the file. "Judy would think that... But where? When?"

Jackie pinched the bridge of her nose. "There's a clinic. Seventy miles from here." She shook her head. "I can't tell you how many of my clients have been there."

They all sighed and allowed the blanket of silence to settle on them.

"I think she had an abortion," Shelby said with more fortitude. "I think that's what happened."

Elyse looked at Jackie. "Well, we're going to have to ask her."

"I'm going to have to write a critical incident about this," Jackie said. Shelby groaned. "You know I have to Shelby."

Shelby grabbed her coat. "I know you have to because you have to protect this department's ass in case something ridiculous like a murder charge was filed." She shook her head. "But I know my kid." She licked her lips. "I mean Quinn." She shook her head again. "No, you know what. She is my kid. I see her as my daughter. And I know her. And I know she would have been scared and I know... She had to have had an abortion."

"Shelby," Elyse called. "Want me to come over tonight?"

"Yes," Jackie said quickly. "This conversation must be facilitated, Shelby. Do not say ANYTHING to Quinn until Elyse gets there. You need to protect your ass too."

Shelby huffed. "I know," she whispered. She did know, all too well, but that didn't mean that she ever had to bring it home, especially not like this." She shook her head and laughed at the absurdity of it all. "I'll be seeing you in a few hours," Elyse." Jackie frowned. "My youngest, Rachel, sees Elyse."

"I recommend that your daughter get a new therapist," Jackie said carefully.

"No," Shelby said. "Do you know how long it took to get Rachel to talk to her? Really talk to her?" She looked at Elyse. "I'm sorry, but I'm begging you, Rachel and Quinn need to keep you."

"Professionally, you know that this is a terrible idea," Jackie said carefully.

"Well, Jackie, this is Lima, Ohio. There are two trauma therapists. One of them is Elyse and one of them is me," Shelby said slowly. "And professionally, I know that I can't be my kids' therapists. And Julia doesn't have the specialty that Elyse and I do. Plus Julia sees my other two kids...So unfortunately, we're all going to have to deal with it."

"Shelby, I'm-" Jackie looked at her apologetically.

Shelby put up her hand. "Don't you dare be sorry for me or my family." She took a deep breath. "Yeah, so what if my kids monopolize the only trauma therapist that isn't related to them. So what? Quinn is not broken. She's figuring it out because she's been wading in her parent's cow dung for God knows how long." She looked at them carefully. "We are her team. Be on her side and fix this. And by this, I mean making sure that Judy never gets custody of her."

"Shelby," Jackie began again.

She shook her head. "No, Jackie, I'm sorry. I've been to plenty of these meetings. I don't need to be level headed anymore. You know why? I'm not the therapist on this team." She paused. "I'm the mom. The mom." She tightened the coat in her arms. "I have to go pick up one of my kids, feed her lunch and then take her to therapy. I will see you later."

"Shelby," Jackie called again. The woman turned. "Thank you."

Shelby nodded. "Yeah."

It didn't matter that she was going to see Jackie later that afternoon for a client. It didn't matter that she emailed Elyse on a regular basis for consults. All that mattered was that she was in there for Quinn, her kid.

…...

Quinn held her slushy in hand. It was third period. She still didn't feel better. She had been bribing freshman with glares all morning to fetch her slushies. She had had a sufficient number of victims. However, she hadn't found the satisfaction she sought. A grin suddenly spread across her face. Perfect, she thought to herself. She needed someone to torture. She needed to erase her own feelings. Suzy Pepper. She was a freshman and unquestionably one of the most awkward people that Quinn laid eyes on. She was weak; she hugged the walls and kept to herself but still managed to have a look that got under Quinn's skin. Whenever she saw the girl with her ugly glasses and her terrible haircut from 1992. Causing a look of despair on Suzy's face always brought a smile to Quinn's. It was instant gratification...

She squeezed the Big Gulp tighter. She was about throw it. Suzy was just strides away. Why the hell did she stop? She couldn't count how many people she had slushied already that morning. She didn't hesitate before. She never did. She stopped because in her crazy, vindictive mind, amidst the anger that made her shake, all she thought about for one brief moment was one thing: Rachel. Her frown and her hard gaze softened. Then she frowned again. Why the hell was she thinking about Rachel? She screamed in frustration. She didn't notice the hallway turn slowly, and fearfully at the blond. She stomped down the hallway. She couldn't think about Rachel right now. She couldn't. Her sister wasn't-She froze midstep. Rachel wasn't her sister. She had one sister and her name was Frances and she was a crazy, crazy bitch.

She turned the corner sharply. Suddenly, she heard it. That damn laugh. She knew that laugh. She formed another smile. All was right with the world again. She knew that high pony anywhere. As usual, she was alone. No one on the squad liked her. The only reason she was a Cheerio was because her father was a booster. Her back was turned to Quinn.

"Hey, Shitney," Quinn hissed.

"What do you want, Fuck-bray," Whitney asked as she turned from her locker.

Quinn smiled as the slushie flew midair and hit Shitney in the face with such precise accuracy that if there was a slushy shooting range, Quinn would have hit the bullseye. Her smile was so wide with satisfaction. She felt better. Rachel would approve of Shitney getting slushied. She thought as the Cheerio wiped the cold, icy beverage from her eyes. Perhaps Rachel wouldn't approve, she thought as she stared through Shitney, but Rachel would if she knew better. Quinn nodded. Definitely, Rachel would if she knew better. Either way she felt her anger melt away.

She turned on her heels.

"What the hell!" Shitney screamed.

"Quinn, while we applaud your efforts," Sophia said coming up behind her. "Why?"

Quinn folded her arms across her chest and said. "She ruined my night a couple nights ago."

Lys raised her brow. "Really?" she looked at their other friends who surround them. All of them somewhat oblivious to Shitney's screeches of upset. "It was that bad?"

Quinn nodded. "We were all there. Even Rach-"

"Baby Corcoran was there?" Dani asked.

Kelly frowned. They all knew Rachel because she had been sitting in on practices for over a year. It was an obvious secret that the girl was fragile in ways that weren't talked about. Kelly remembered meeting Rachel for the first time. There was something about that little brunette that made her not want to swear or punch things as frequently. And that was saying something. She looked around with an angry fire. "Someone find me another slushie," Kelly called. "I'm going to -"

"Do nothing," Quinn finished with a satisfied grin. "I already did it. Get out of here, Shitney."

"You can't slushie me!" she yelled.

Quinn and the girls laughed. A group of other Cheerios gathered around them.

"Pretty sure that she just did," Maribel said with a snicker.

"I'm a senior and a Cheerio!" Whitney said with fury.

"So are we," Kelly said stepping up. "But here you are covered in slushie and..." She laughed and looked at the other seniors. "We're not."

"We are well-aware that you bad mouth all of us," Dani hissed. "That comes with a price."

"One that you're already paying," Quinn said. "Thus that's why you're at the bottom of the pyramid." The blonde took a step closer. "Better go get that out of your uniform." She took another step closer. "Hurry. The bell's going to ring."

Kelly stepped up next to them when Whitney didn't move. "You heard your captain," she hissed. "Move."

Quinn gave a small grin, but one only small enough for her to know it was there. These girls always had her back all of them did. However, she rarely let them in. She couldn't, but still they defended and supported her.

Whitney stomped her foot and took a step closer to Quinn.

"I'm going to -"

"Get that damn corn syrup out of my uniform," Sue barked from behind.

The group of them snapped to attention when their coach walked close to them.

"Go, Richards!" Sue snapped at Whitney. "You're already killing my brain cells with your presence. I see that it's soaking in already. Get out of here!"

"But Coach, Quinn-"

Sue cut her off. "I will take care of Quinn." Whitney skidded away with one final glare from Sue. The coach looked at the crowded hallway. "GET TO CLASS!"

The hallway didn't need to be told twice. The five seniors continued to stand next to Quinn. The six of them were well-aware that they weren't dismissed yet.

"Well, well," Sue said with a frown. "It's my captain and the Spice Girls."

Kelly frowned. She hated that nickname, but mostly because none of them could figure out who was who.

Sue sighed. "Get out of here. I'm getting a headache. Go spice up someone else's life."

The girls nodded and headed down the hallway. Sue stopped Quinn. "My office, captain."

The five of them started away from Quinn. Sophia noticed Quinn's look of apprehension. "Should we tell San?" she asked as they walked down the hallway.

Kelly shrugged. "I don't know. I actually haven't seen her and Britt since early this morning."

"Are we surprised?" Maribel scoffed.

"Pack it in," Sophia hissed.

Kelly nodded. "We're a team. We stick by one another."

"But we just slushied, Whitney," Dani asked.

"She's basically the mascot," Lys informed. "She doesn't count."

"Santana and Brittany are the team. They are carrying our legacy and they are the best," Kelly said as they all went down the hallway. "We need to protect that."

…...

Santana laid on the catwalk in the auditorium. She stared at the lights of the stage. "The bell had rung," she stated. "Eight times." She turned her head and looked at Brittany.

"That means we've missed most of the morning," Brittany said dryly. "Do you want to go to class?"

"Hells no," Santana said moving closer the blond. They were now laying side by side. The brunette wrapped her fingers more tightly around Brittany's. Their hands just seemed to fit. She sighed and continued to stare at the ceiling. If she could lay here forever, she would, but she knew that that option was not available.

"What are we doing?"

The question hung in the air.

"I think we're skipping," Brittany finally said.

"You know what I mean," Santana said sitting up.

Brittany followed suit and sat up. She watched the girl carefully.

"What do you want?" Brittany asked carefully.

Santana frowned. "What you mean?" She searched the girls' eyes. "You mean us? Right?" She looked at the ground. "I dont know, Brittany. I need time. I don't know..." She shook her head. "What this is..."

"This is us. This is you and me," Brittany said carefully. We dont need labels."

The Corcoran girl laughed. "I know..." She bit her lip. "I just... A lot's going on right now."

Brittany watched as the girl lowered her gaze. She lowered her own to meet her eyes. "I know and if you'd be willing I'd like to listen."

Santana smiled a tiny smile. "You need to stop doing that," she whispered.

"What?" Brittany asked moving a stray piece of hair out of the other girl's face.

Santana felt so exposed at that moment. She didn't feel tough, or brave or big. She felt small and lost, but oddly enough she felt safe. However, still above the school on the catwalk of the auditorium and far away from the life she knew, she felt small and lost.

"Talk to me," Brittany whispered. Santana continued to stare at her feet. She didn't know. She didn't know how to do any of it. "Do you want me to tell you what I think we should do?" Brittany attempted.

Santana nodded quietly, radiating with a vulnerability that she rarely permitted to the surface. She wasn't sure if she was ready to allow that part of her appear.

"Well," Brittany said as she drew gently with her finger tip on the back of Santana's hand. "I think that right now we are figuring out what we want. I know that I'm not ready to announce us to the world, but I know that I love kissing you. I want to know you better. I want to know all of your house's light switches."

"Is that a euphemism?" she asked with a smirk.

"Maybe," Brittany whispered back. She continued, "I dont need things to be perfect, but I thought we would start with a movie or maybe dinner." She gave a grin. "And if you're lucky we can go to that diner you and your family obsess about and I'll buy you a slice of pie."

Santana grinned. She did love her a good piece of pie. She looked at her hands.

"I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed," she began quietly. "I want you. More than anything...I just... I'm not put together right now."

Brittany gave a small chuckle. "I know you might not think you are," she began. "But you are for me."

Santana sighed. "I feel as if we've already had this conversation," she whispered.

"And I'll continue having it if we need to," said the blonde. "I'm scared about what this means," she said quietly.

"So am I," Santana replied. "But you're the person I want to be scared with." She looked at her with a silent plea in her dark eyes. "Please love me back."

"I do already," she whispered as she leaned her forehead against Santana's and cupped the back of her neck. "So proudly so."

Santana leaned in and captured the girl's lips in gratitude for the present and hope for the future. Brittany pulled her closer and moaned into the kiss. Santana wasn't ready for a relationship. She wasn't ready for labels. She wasn't ready to be a stereotype. She wasn't ready for the whispers and she wasn't ready for the assumptions.

But this kiss...

She lost her train of thought.

She wasn't ready to be gay. She wasn't ready for that. She wasn't ready emerge from the closet and present herself to the world.

But this kiss...

She lost her thought again as Brittany pulled her closer.

She wasn't ready for a lot of things.

But this kiss, she realized, she had always been ready for.

She pulled away breathlessly and searched the girl's eyes. She was pulled back into reality. Perhaps this wasn't as scary. The weight of all of those things that she wasn't ready for felt lighter. They were still heavy, but not as heavy. She licked her lips and exhaled.

"So what does this mean?" she asked quietly.

Brittany smiled. "I don't know, but I think it means that I need to buy you a piece of pie."

"Was that a euphemism?" Santana giggled.

"Probably," the blonde replied and pulled her into a kiss.

Santana felt the weight getting a little lighter with each breath.

…...

Rachel couldn't stop smiling. The tour at Gable had been mind blowing. The stage, the classes, even the people. All of it had been perfect. She smiled when she saw her mother standing in the street outside of cafe.

"Mom!" she called running ahead of Joey with a smile. She had to convince her mother that Gable was the best.

She slowed with a frown when she noticed her mother staring at the ground with a frown looking far away. her smile faded slightly. "Mom?"

Shelby turned to her quickly. "Hi, my baby bug," she said tiredly.

"Are you okay?" Rachel asked cautiously as she stopped and looked at her mother.

She watched her mother nod gently. "Yes, bug, I'm alright." She pulled Rachel into a side hug. "Are you hungry?" she asked as she reached in her bag and pulled out an Odwalla smoothie and an energy bar.

Rachel shook her head. She smile widely. "We have to tell you about the school!" Shelby gave Rachel another weak smile. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine," Shelby said pulling her youngest into her side and kissing her gently on the forehead. She avoided her sister's questioning gaze. "Tell me about the school."

"We went to Gable!" Rachel said with a bright smile.

"And," Shelby laughed. "What's the verdict?"

"I must go," Rachel beamed. "The classes are amazing. It's a small school. I would be the youngest in the whole school and then it feeds right into their arts high school that's attached, Carmel!" She smiled. "I have planned my future. Or at least the next seven years."

Shelby laughed. She knew that Gable ran fifth grade through eighth grade. Then there was an audition process to get into the high school, Carmel Advanced School for the Arts. It would be competitive, but Rachel was a Corcoran. When Shelby had talked to the principal she was impressed to find that the small student to teacher ratios as well as individual attention and focus around each student's needs. At that last school, Santana and Noah had thrived in a large group setting, Rachel seemed to disappear. At times, Rachel even cowered at all of the noise. Gable offered small tutorials and Shelby smiled at her daughter's pleading look. "Gables is my first choice for you too - I knew you would love it."

Rachel grinned. "You did?"

Shelby nodded. "We have an interview this week to talk to someone about the audition." Rachel squealed and hugged her mother. Shelby held her tightly. She couldn't remember the last time that Rachel had hugged her with such enthusiasm and joy. She didn't want to let the small girl go;, she needed to keep her in her arms. Finally she felt Rachel pushing against her. "Sorry," she mumbled. She forced a smile again. "I wanted to surprise you. We still have to look at other schools though. Explore our options."

Rachel nodded. "Of course."

Shelby unconsciously ran her hand through Rachel's hair. "You have you appointment with Elyse now. Why don't you take these in with you. Have you eaten yet today?" Shelby handed Rachel the bottle of the smoothie and the bar and frowned with Rachel pushed it away.

"I'm too excited to eat," Rachel said shaking her head. "I don't want it. Let me tell you about Gable! We -"

"Rachel," Joey said. "Listen to your mother."

Shelby sighed. "It's alright," she said with a sigh. "She'll take them in. Tell me about the school."

Rachel walked with her mother and aunt up to Elyse's office talking a mile a minute about the school. Shelby continued to stare off into space. She needed to get it together. She had to.

"... And then the dance studio was amazing!" Rachel finished. "They're having auditions for the next quarter when we get back from Florida. I'll have to rehearse with Mr. Schuester every day. Can I, Mom?" She put her hands up in front of her face.

Shelby put on her Mom face and nodded. "I'll need to look into it more, but I'll definitely think about it" She looked down at her youngest and ran her hand through her daughter's hair. "Remember what we talked about a couple nights ago?" Rachel's sparkled eyes faded slightly. "About trying to process with others?" The tiny girl gave a slight nod. "Try, okay?" Rachel looked away and at the ground. Shelby hated herself for taking away that excitement in her daughter's eyes. "Rach?" The girl nodded. Shelby kissed her softly on the cheek. "That's my good girl. I love you."

Rachel nodded quietly. Shelby handed her the shake and bar. The girl opened the door and Shelby gave Elyse a brief smile.

"Hi, Shelby," Elyse said with a wave. "Hello, Joanne."

Joanne nodded but frowned at the looks being exchanged between the two woman. "Hi," she said slowly. Still watching them Joey leaned down and gave Rachel a hug. "I love you so much. Have fun. Don't lie.-"

Rachel smiled. "I don't lie, Aunt Joey. That's Sanny."

Joey shrugged and rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah." She kissed Rachel on the head. "See you in an hour." Rachel nodded and headed into the familiar room. "And eat that snack please."

"It's my lunch, Aunt Joey," Rachel said with a heavy sigh.

"Well, to the rest of the world it's a snack," Joey called out.

"Bye, Mom," Rachel said quietly before the door closed.

As soon as the heavy door shut, Joey turned to her sister. "What's going on?"

…...

"What do you want to play today?" Elyse asked as she stood behind Rachel. Both of them stared at her game closet.

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know." She grabbed a deck of cards. "Can we play poker?"

Elyse frowned. "Poker?"

Rachel nodded. "My brother and sister taught me. It's how we divvy up our Halloween candy... Well now, it's just mine. They think I don't know that they're tricking me but I know."

Elyse laughed. She shouldn't be surprised. She had heard many stories about Santana and Noah from Rachel. The most memorable had been when Rachel described a time when Santana and Noah wanted to play hockey in the house, but the floors weren't slippery enough. Therefore, they convinced Rachel to help them "clean" the floors extra well with Pledge. The floors were more slippery than ice. They soon gave up on hockey and were simply running and sliding across the floor. Elyse laughed remembering that it was funny until Melanie, their babysitter came to check on them and broke her leg slipping on the floor. Needless to say, when Shelby came home, Noah and Santana made sure to have Rachel holding the Pledge bottle. But of course their plan backfired, primarily because Rachel was four. That was only one of many schemes the two of them tried to frame Rachel in. She was cute and they knew how to use it. "There was a lot you could get away with if you couldn't scold a child," Rachel had once told Elyse.

She took a deep breath. "Do you want to talk to me about your week?"

Rachel dealt. "I'm going to Gable," she said casually.

Elyse looked at her in surprise. "Yeah?" She picked up her cards. "What happened at your old school?"

The girl paused. "Nothing," she finally said.

"Rachel," Elyse said. "We both know that that's not true."

Rachel looked at her cards carefully. "My mom pulled me out of that school. It's no big deal."

"It isn't?" Elyse asked. Rachel shook her head and drew three cards and made a bet.

"You need to bet too," she informed.

"Oh," Elyse said looking at her cards. "Do you really think that switching schools is no big deal?"

She nodded. "Yes, I'm going to Gable. It'll be better. My voice teacher will help me and -"

"Who's your voice teacher?" Elyse asked.

"Will Schuester. He works at the high school," Rachel said casually. "You still have to draw cards too."

Elyse did. "Do you like him?"

Rachel nodded. "He's practically my only friend," she said casually.

"He is?" Elyse asked.

Rachel nodded. "No one really likes me," she said it with such a casual air.

"Really? Why do you think that is?"

Rachel frowned. "I don't know. I want things how I want them. I'm too aggressive maybe."

"Aggressive how?"

She set down her cards. "People do things wrong. So I tell them when they do. Then they get angry with me. I can't help it that they're wrong right? I mean clearly when you outline something the Roman numerals come before the capital letters."

Elyse nodded slowly. "Who were you correcting, Rachel?"

"My teacher."

Elyse nodded. "Do your classmates like you?"

Rachel answered quickly. "No. They think I'm a know-it-all."

"What do you think?"

Rachel shrugged. "I do know more."

"But you're not a know it all. You're a smart girl, but you are a nice one too."

"I don't want them to know me," Rachel said barely above a whisper as she picked up another card.

Elyse nodded. It had been the response that "Why?"

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know. I know them and they're mean. I don't want them to know me."

"Are you scared that they're going to hurt you?" Elyse asked carefully as she picked up another card.

The girl stopped and looked up at her. "They did," she said quietly. "Why would I want to be friends with them then?"

"Will you tell me how they're mean to you?"

Rachel set down her cards and looked at her hands. "It wasn't what they said and did as much as what they didn't do," she said after a few moments. "Does that make sense?" Elyse nodded. "They way they look at me when I talk... They way they look at me when I don't say anything or when I come into class late because of something dumb like a fire drill or something..." She squinted her eyes. "I tried really hard to be like everyone else, but I think they knew I was pretending." She looked at Elyse. "Maybe at Gable I could be a little more normal."

She picked up her cards again.

"Why is it so important to be normal?" Elyse asked quietly.

"Because I'm not," Rachel said simply. "Sanny and Noah can do it. People like them... I can't do stuff."

"Like what?"

Rachel shrugged. "People look at me differently because I can't... the point is that they see. I don't want them to," she said looking up at Elyse.

"What don't you want them to see?" Elyse asked taking another card.

"Did you know I'm on Google?" Rachel asked quietly. Elyse wasn't surprised that Rachel didn't answer her question.

"What do you mean?"

"If I tell you something will you promise me that you won't tell my mom," Rachel said quietly.

"Rachel, you know I can't make that promise, especially before you tell me what it is," Elyse said putting down her cards.

"Okay," she said quietly.

"However," Elyse said. "You can tell me and then we can decide when and how to tell your mom together, but either way we'll probably have to tell her." She watched the girl carefully. "And the fact that you don't want to tell her shows me that you know you should."

Rachel bit her lip. "We had to do a report in school about someone famous and write a biography." Elyse watched as the tiny girl began to cry. "Jeannie Marks picked my mom."

Elyse took a deep breath. Rachel had mentioned a couple times before about how Jeannie wasn't kind to her, but Shelby had filled her in and informed her that Jeannie had really gone after Rachel. She was what caused Quinn's out burst with the dodgeballs. She returned her attention to the sad girl "What happened?"

"The day the assignment was due, she came up to me during lunch and told me that she chose to do my mom. She said that she knew all about me. She told me that I was dirty and messed up. She said that it's the price to pay because my daddy was gay. That's all she said and she walked away from me." Rachel wiped her tears. "It was a really long afternoon after that my teacher selected a few of us to read our reports out loud." Rachel looked up with tears streaking down her face. "I knew my teacher was going to have her read it. She stopped and looked at me and I started to cry. Everyone was looking at me...but then after about forever she had Kurt read his report instead." Rachel wiped away her tears. She snuffled back a few hiccups. "After class that day, she...she gave me a folder." Elyse narrowed her eyes, knowing this wasn't going to be good. "It was all of her research on my mom. Pictures and stuff... Articles..." Rachel looked at the ground. "You know what the meanest thing is?" she asked quietly. Elyse shook her head silently. "Also in the folder was her report. She never said a word about me, or Sanny or Noah or my Papa Hiram and what happened. All she said was, 'Shelby Berry-Corcoran is now retired in Lima, Ohio with her three children.' She just wanted me to think that she was going to say something..." Rachel wiped away another batch of fresh tears. "All the articles she gave me were about what happened in New York, the trial... everything. When she gave it to me she said, 'That's what happens when you have faggots in your family.' Then she told me that she was being kind by not writing the real truth about my mother and I should be grateful to her."

Elyse wanted to kill this kid. No one deserve that, certainly not Rachel. "What did you do? Did you respond?"

Rachel shook her head. "No." She stared down at the floor.

"Why not?" Elyse asked.

She looked up at her with big eyes and with such subtly and a small, but sure voice and said, "Because I had to go shred the articles before my brother picked me up."

Elyse sighed. There it was.

"Rachel," Elyse said sitting forward. "Do you understand what she did was wrong?"

She nodded. "What she did was wrong, but she was right too."

Elyse tried not to release a heavy sigh; she had been afraid of that answer. That little eleven year old brat had undone so much that Elyse had built with Rachel with that cruel and heinous prank.

"How was she right, Rach?"

"I am dirty and messed up," Rachel said quietly.

"Rachel, look at me," Elyse said gently. "You are not dirty. You are not messed up. You are so much better than that. You are courageous. You are kind. And you are beautiful."

Rachel started to cry. "No, I'm not."

"Say it with me, Rach." She shook her head. "Come on, sweetheart. I am Rachel Barbara Corcoran." Rachel looked at her with big eyes, tears still dampening her eyes. "Come on, honey, you can do this."

"I am... Rachel Barbara Corcoran," she said barely above a whispered.

"And I am courageous," Elyse said with a small smile.

Rachel looked at her. "I am courageous."

"I am kind."

The tiny girl stared at her but said, "I am kind."

"And I am beautiful," Elyse finished.

She paused and looked at her hands. "And I am beautiful," she whispered.

Elyse smiled. "Good job, Rachel. You did so well."

Rachel looked at the floor. "I wanna go," she said quietly.

Elyse nodded. "Okay," she said. "Can we finish our game?"

The girl nodded slowly and picked up her cards. "You're going to tell my mom, aren't you?" she asked hiding behind her cards.

"Yes," she said picking up a card. "Do you want to tell her with me?"

Rachel shook her head. "No," she said quietly.

…...

Sue sat down in her chair heavily.

"What do you think that you're doing, Quinn?"

Quinn continued to stand and stare at Sue. "You encouraged me to establish my reign before, now you're telling me not to."

"The janitor cannot keep up with your mess, Q," Sue said with a sigh. "You know I encourage the social order, but..." She shook her head. "You also can't be slushing Whitney. I know you don't get a long but..."

"You don't know what she did," Quinn argued.

"I don't care," Sue snapped. She rethought. "Well I do, but if you want to bring her down you are sneaky and mean you know that. You don't slushie her in the hallway. Take a seat."

Quinn sat down heavily.

"You're off, Q," Sue said.

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "What do you expect from me?"

The coach leaned forward. "Your best."

"Well, if you haven't heard I have some shit on my plate right now," Quinn hissed.

"I know that, Q," Sue said in an uncharacteristically softly. "You need it together. Yes, things are falling apart but you are stronger than that Q. You aren't my captain because things fall apart. You aren't my captain because of your gymnastic skills. You're the captain because you get things done."

"I am," Quinn hissed. "I'm getting it done."

"You're not," Sue said. "You're all over the place, and while you have every right to be, you have people here supporting you and instead of coming in here or going to Shelby you slushie everyone...Let me tell you something."

Quinn scoffed.

"You've been dealt a very crappy hand," Sue began.

"Thanks," Quinn scoffed.

"And you have choice, Quinn."

"Be angry or be happy?" she asked in a sing song voice.

"No," Sue said leaning back in her chair. Quinn shook her head and looked away. "You can fall apart in front of everyone or you let that people who support you catch you."

Quinn looked at her in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

"Life sucks, Quinn," Sue said standing up. "You know that. I know that, but the way you're doing it right now, you're going to live a long lonely bitter life and everyone will know it."

"You don't know anything," Quinn said looking up.

"I do," Sue challenged. "Quinn, I'm not telling you to share everything or even anything, but you need to let someone catch you. Because it's clear as day that you're falling. You're a strong girl. And you and I know more than anyone that you don't want to fall apart in front of everyone else. But here's the kicker, you don't have to."

"Easy as that, huh?" she hissed.

Sue stood up. "Yes, actually easy as that. Shelby has more patience and grace that Mother Freakin' Teresa and you're running away from her." She sighed. "You're sixteen, Quinn. I know you've been to hell and back, but you're still only sixteen."

"I don't need her help," she said to the ground.

"Keep telling yourself that, Q, because I'm pretty sure no one believes you." Sue leaned against the front of her desk. "She's a good thing. That family is a good thing." She paused. "And I think you know that."

The blonde shook her head. "What do you expect me to do?"

"Be the girl, I know. That I promoted to captain and focus." She looked at the girl. "You don't have to let anyone else in, Q, but you need to let them in. They're a good thing."

Quinn stared at her. "Can I go?" she asked. Sue nodded. "I have to have you sign my paper," Quinn said with a roll of her eyes. "Since I'm not missing my other class."

Sue gave a tiny smile and walked her to the hallway. "No more slushies today," she called out as Quinn walked away.

"Fine," she said as she was about to turn down the hallway but the sound of the auditorium door opening caught both hers and Sue's attention.

Santana and Brittany emerged together hand-in-hand. Quinn quirked her brow. Santana followed her gaze to the adjoining hands and immediately let go.

"Crap," she whispered.

"Crap is right, Corcoran," Sue said. "Quinn, class, now."

Quinn gave the girls a rare sympathetic glance, but one that Santana missed.

…...

Joey handed her sister a cup of coffee. "She said that?" Shelby just finished telling her about the meeting over at CPS. Joey shook her head. "I can't believe this."

"I know," Shelby whispered. "I can't wrap my head around how that conversation is going to go," she said. "I mean where do I begin?"

Joey looked over at her sister. "You start with 'I love you, Quinn.' You'll figure it out. I know you will."

Shelby reached over and squeezed her sister's hand. "I think I need you there."

"When you talk to Quinn?"

"No, at the house while I talk to Quinn. Elyse is coming over to help facilitate."

Joey nodded. "Absolutely. I'll wrap up some stuff when you go get the others. Do you have any more appointments?"

"No, San has therapy tomorrow. I need to run back to work while the kids are at practice. The kids have practice and Rachel has her meeting with Will this afternoon so-"

"FYI", Joey said. "Bear doesn't like him."

Shelby shook her head. "I know. He talked to me briefly about it." she sighed. "I don't know."

"We told Rachel that she should never be alone with him and doors always should be open." Joey took a sip of her coffee.

"Good," Shelby thought quietly, her phone interrupted her thoughts. She picked up not recognizing the number.

"Oh, hello, Sue,... What?...What?..." Shelby raised her voice. She took a deep breath. "Thanks for letting me know. I'll talk to them both tonight."

"What?" Joey asked when she hung up.

"I will most definitely be needing you tonight," Shelby said putting her phone in her bag as the door opened. She knew immediately by her daughter's exhausted eyes and bowed head that something has happened.

"Can I speak with you?" Elyse asked quietly.

Shelby nodded and knelt down in front of Rachel. "Bug?" Rachel wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and pulled her into a hug as the girl rested her head heavily on her mother's shoulder. Shelby rubbed her back. "You okay?" she whispered. Rachel nodded silently. "I love you so much, bug." She feels Rachel nodded into her shoulder. "I'll be right back."

Elyse handed Shelby Rachel's uneaten energy bar and unopened smoothie. Shelby turned and looked at her youngest briefly. Doctors had said that it was Rachel's anxiety that discouraged her from eating. They had said that basically she was too distracted to focus on the basic human instinct to eat. After all of the surgeries, shakes, juices and smoothies were all Rachel ate. Shelby felt her stomach clench. Not only had the doctors have to do a handful of surgeries to repair the vaginal damage, but they also had to do a couple bowel and rectal surgeries. For almost six months after that, Rachel could only do meals in liquid form. The smoothies were a reminder of that; she never really grew out of it.

"Shelby, I'll take this," Joey said. "We'll eat." Shelby watched as her sister pulled Rachel gently away from her mother.

Shelby closed the door behind her and eased herself into the chair in Elyse's office. "What happened?"

Elyse took a deep breath. "I know you have your hands full right now-"

"What happened?" Shelby asked again.

"At last months session, you told me her nightmares started up again." Shelby nodded. "You and I talked about what possibly could be triggering them to start up."

"Yes," Shelby said. "And I think now it was the dodgeball incidents."

Elyse leaned forward. "I think that's part of it, but Rachel told me about an assignment that she had to do at school. Writing a biography of someone famous?"

Shelby frowned. "That was right after school started..." She thought back. "I think her nightmares started then, but that's also when her first dodgeball incident was...but what does that assignment have to do about anything? She did it on Barbra Streisand."

"One of the girls did her report on you and played a very cruel joke on Rachel." Elyse proceeded to explain what Rachel had revealed during the session. She watched sympathetically as Shelby physically deflated. "I think that all of this started it..." She searched Shelby's face. "I think she's going to start remembering soon."

Shelby put her head in her hands. "I think she already has." She went back to her conversation with her youngest daughter a few nights ago, about how she poorly reacted as the mother.. She briefly filled in Elyse about her concerns about what else Rachel had been hiding. "I mean what do I do? You and I both know that if something was to happen if she takes one touch the wrong way or anything, those memories can come flooding back to her." Shelby looked up. "We have to try our best to help her not remember like that..." She combed her hand through her hair. "She can't remember like that."

"We both know at this point that her remembering is inevitable, and she's going to ask questions and she's going to need answers," Elyse said carefully. "I know this is hard. And it's going to get harder. She's going to be okay, though because you're going to help her through this."

Shelby nodded and stood up. "Okay," she said quietly. "I should schedule her back to twice a week again shouldn't I?" Elyse nodded. "Thanks," Shelby said. She started for the door and then turned. "What time are you coming over this evening for the talk with Quinn?"

"Probably around seven, is that too late?"

Shelby shook her head. "No," she said as she looked at her hands. "We'll be ready. Just to warn you she's in a mood already. Sue called me and told me that she slushied a handful of people at school."

Elyse nodded. Shelby started for the door.

"You're doing a good job, Shelby," she said quietly. '

Shelby nodded but didn't turn around. "Thanks." She looked at the ground. "You too."

She opened the door and stepped out to continue on.

…...

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Santana knew that she was in trouble. She felt like she was walking on air as she entered the hallway. The second last bell of the day had just rung. One more class. However, she knew she wouldn't be able to concentrate.

"Shit," she said out loud.

"She didn't penalize us for skipping like i thought she would," Brittany said reassuringly.

"No, she just said that she would contact our parents..." Santana groaned. "I would much rather ran suicides... in the rain... freezing rain...in a bikini..."

Santana looked with defeat at Brittany who had a thoughtful look on her face. She smiled and swat at the blonde. "Hey now... mind out of the gutter."

"You put it there," Brittany laughed. She let it fade slightly. "Don't worry about it so much. Yeah, you'll be in trouble, but …." she looked around to make sure no one was watching. She pretended she was leaning into her locker, but instead grazed Santana's ear lobe. "I think it was worth it." Santana could hear the smile in her voice.

Santana nodded slightly and Brittany leaned back up. "Yeah..."

"Hey," Sam said coming up behind them.

"Hi," Santana greeted with a smile.

"Missed you like all day in class," Sam chuckled. "Why didn't you let me tag along?"

Brittany smirked. "You wouldn't be interested."

Sam sighed. "Probably not..." He scanned the hallway. "Where's Q?"

Santana shrugged suddenly remembering that her former-enemy now live-in sister had seen them. She squeezed her eyes shut. They had just built a new bridge of understanding. Santana was sure that Russell and Judy hadn't raised their daughter to believe that love transcended genders. She felt a strange pang of diappointment in her chest. Why was she disappointed. There was another pang. It was because she had actually grown to like Quinn.

"You okay?" Brittany asked. Santana gave a nod.

"So, are you guys excited for fall break?" Mike asked as he joined the group.

Santana nodded. "We're all going to Florida. It's a thing we do every year."

"That's cool," Sam shrugged. "Is Quinn going too? She can always stay at my house if -"

"No, she won't stay with you," Santana said cutting him off. "She's a part of the family. She's going with us." She looked down the hallway as she searched for the blonde. "Whether she likes it or not."

…...

Shelby pulled up to the school. Rachel sat their quietly they hadn't talked much since they had left Elyse's. Rachel saw that the high school student's weren't milling around outside, which mean that they were early. Thereby indicating that this was the time that Shelby wanted to talk. Shelby climbed out of the front seat and into the back with Rachel.

"Rachel," she said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you tell me about what Jeannie did?"

"Because I didn't want you to be mad and do something crazy like pull me out of school..." Rachel gave her mother a look. "Oh wait..."

"Hey," Shelby said softly but sharply. "Calm your attitude please."

"Sorry," Rachel said quietly as she looked at her hands.

"Rachel, you need to tell me when things get bad. I know you're trying to be a grown up and you're going to do so well as a grown up when you get there. However, being an adult doesn't mean doing everything on your own."

"You do," Rachel said quietly. "You do everything on your own."

Shelby looked at her daughter. Her eleven year old daughter was not telling her when little brats at school were being cruel to her, because of Shelby's independence.

"I don't, Rach," she finally said.

"You do, Mom. You do everything on your own. You're strong and no one ever questions you. Ever."

Shelby took a deep breath. "If I'm so strong do you see why you need to tell me things and let me handle them and not try to bare them yourself?"

Rachel looked up at her mother. "I can't have you rescuing me all the time."

"I'm your mom, it's my job," Shelby said with a small grin.

"No," Rachel said seriously. "I wanted to handle this."

Shelby watched her daughter. "Did you want to handle it because you wanted to be the adult or you wanted us not to know how much this bothered you?" Shelby watched her daughter deflate. "Talking about this... about what happened Rachel isn't something you should avoid if you want to talk about it."

"Yes, it is..." Rachel said. "Have you seen how you guys react if I ask questions?"

"Rachel-"

"How Santana reacts?"

Shelby took a deep breath. "But that doesn't mean you can't turn to me."

"I just don't know how," she whispered.

She leaned over and pulled Rachel into her arms. She kissed her lightly on the head. "Rachel you need to stop worrying about our reactions to your questions and start asking them because i know you want answers and you need answers."

"I dont want to know," Rachel said quietly into her mother's side. "But at the same time I do..."

"And that's normal and okay. And it'll hurt, but...it might help you move on?"

Rachel chewed her lip. "Do you think I'll ever be normal?"

"No," Shelby said blankly. Rachel looked up. "You can never be ordinary and normal, Rach. Did I tell you your dad knew you before you were even born. He knew how extraordinary you would be. You're talented and gifted and incredible. Normal is beneath you."

Rachel gave a small smile. "I just...Someday I want to be at least kinda normal... Like maybe go on a date or go to a party or meet a boy."

Shelby pulled away slightly. "Bug, you're eleven. There will be no partying for you for a very very long time. Your brother and sisters have ruined that for you"

The girl gave a tiny smirk. "I really like Gable, Mom."

"I know you do, honey. Did you pick out what you wanted as your audition song?" Rachel nodded. "Make sure to go over that with Will today."

"I met a friend today at Gable," Rachel said. "He helped the woman showing us around."

"Yeah?" Shelby asked.

Rachel smiled at the memory. "Yeah, he's in my grade. His name is Jesse St. James."

Shelby smiled. "Well, maybe I can meet him." She sighed. "But in the mean time, can you and I work on this? You need to talk to me. Okay?" Rachel nodded. "Alright, bug, go see Mr. Schuester. One of your sisters will come get you. Okay?" Rachel nodded and hopped out of the car. "Hey Rach?" Shelby called. "Let's not tell them about Jeannie Marks quite yet okay."

Rachel nodded hurriedly. "I don't like Jeannie but I don't wish her anymore bodily harm."

"Alright, bug, have fun."

…...

Rachel wondered into the school. The bell had just rung she was weaving in and out of the students. A few of them stared down at her as if she had the plague. She pulled her backpack closer.

"Rachel," someone called behind her. She looked over her shoulder and spotted a familar Cheerio.

"Hi, Kelly," she said smiling at her.

"What are you doing in here by yourself?"

"I'm heading to my voice lesson with Mr. Schuester," she said casually.

"Okay," Kelly said. "I'll walk you."

"I'm okay," she said as she went ahead with a few steps.

"I'm walking you, Rach," Kelly said. "Come on. It's on my way."

Rachel sighed but allowed her to walk her to the classroom. She saw that Mr. Schuester was talking to a girl with big rimmed glasses and out of date haircut.

"Who's that?" Rachel asked.

"Suzy Pepper," Kelly said with a shake of her head. "You know you shouldn't be wondering around her without someone with you."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I would have been perfectly fine."

"Maybe," Kelly shrugged. "I'll catch you later."

She started away from Rachel. "Kelly," Rachel called out. "Don't tell Santana."

Kelly quirked her brow. "No promises."

Rachel sighed and turned to the door and saw Mr. Schuester smile and wave at her to come in.

"We're just finishing up, Rachel," he said. "Why don't you wait in my office in the back, okay?"

Rachel nodded and went into his office. She looked around. It was much smaller than offices like her mother's or her aunt's or uncles. There were no pictures of any of his family on his desk. It was just... a desk... She looked at the ground. He had a nice carpet.

"Hi, Rachel," he said wiping his hands on his pants. "Sorry about that." He looked around. "Let's rehearse in here today." He didn't wait for her to respond as he reached over and started to close the door of his office in the back on the choir room.

A little alarm went off in Rachel's head. "No!" she said quickly. He looked at her questioningly. "Sorry," she muttered. "My uncle says it's a rule. Doors have to be open."

Will smiled wide. "Well, that's a good rule. You should listen to him, Rachel. There are a lot of bad people out there."

She nodded. She knew that.

"I'm auditioning at Gable in a week or so after fall break." She dug in her backpack and handed him the sheet music. She watched him carefully, trying ton contain her excitement as he looked at the sheet music. "Can you help me?" she asked.

"Well, Rachel, this is a very hard song," he said looking at her, trying his best not to find amusement when her face fell. "You can do this," he went on. "But it's going to take a lot of work. Are you willing to work on it?"

"Of course," she said jumping up.

He sighed. "Okay," he said. "Let's run through. Can you sight read?" She nodded. "Good." He pulled out a pitch pipe. "Ready?" She nodded. "Good."

…..

Santana entered stepped on the field. She saw Quinn looking at her. She knew what the girl was going to say and she didn't want to hear it.

"Can I talk to you?" Quinn asked approaching her.

"No," Santana said. "We need to get this practice started."

"Santana," Quinn called. It was too late Santana was walking away. Why was she angry at her? Quinn searched her brain about it. She was mad at a lot of things but she wasn't mad at Santana. Crap. She didn't need this today. She spotted Kelly sprinting onto the field.

"You're late," she scolded.

"I know I had to drop Baby Corcoran off."

Quinn frowned. "What?"

"She was wandering around the hallways after the first bell. She looked like she was going to crap her pants. So I walked her to Schuester's."

"Whatever," Quinn said with a wave on her hand and turned to the group. "Let's do the routine from the top! Coach is looking for perfection and so am I. If I don't see it, we're doing laps."

….

Rachel finished singing the song through for what seemed like the fourth time. Will was looking at her funnily. Maybe she was just imagining it.

"I think that this is possible, Rachel," he said. "But we certainly have a lot of things to work on before your audition."

Her face fell slightly. "What do you mean? I will work on it. I need to get into this school."

HE stood up from the desk he'd been leaning on. "Well first you need to fix your posture."

"My posture?"

He sighed and folded his arms over his chest. "There are a couple things I want to work on with you, but it requires some trust. That and you're a little too young."

"I'm not," she said quickly. "Please, what did I do wrong?"

"Two things. Mainly one," Will said gently. He saw Rachel's confusion. "There's one thing that you can improve on and one thing that you need to fix."

"What's the difference?" Rachel asked eagerly.

He laughed. "Calm down, Rachel. It's alright." He rubbed her back. "We're friends right. I don't want to put this much pressure on you. That's why this is something small. You can work on it later. When you're older….You're in fifth grade, you're not even twelve yet. Seriously, forget I said that."

"No," she said. "Please tell me. I'm going to make it to Broadway someday. I may be eleven but I'm not a child. And to get there I have to get into Gable." She looked at him with big eyes. "I have to."

Rachel searched his face hoping that he heard her. She wanted to grow up. She had to. Couldn't he see that? She would never make it on Broadway if she didn't. He still hadn't responded. Finally, he did.

"Alright, the two things are your posture, like I said, and your use of your diaphragm," he said watching her closely. "I'm going to touch you alright?"

She gave a cautious nod.

He walked behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. She needed to grow up. She took a breath. He brought his other hands to her lower back. His fingers were facing down as his palm covered the small of her back. He pulled her shoulders slightly and pushed in at her back but she couldn't help but feel a shiver at his finger tips against the top cleft of her bottom.

"See, posture. If you stand up straight like this," he sighed. "It'll be better."

She felt a slight relief when he removed his hands. He knelt down in front of her and grinned in approval as she continued to hold the position he just put her in.

"And then," he said lastly. "Is your diaphragm. It's the most important thing. It's the power behind your singing. You use it, but not as well as you can." He put his hand on her rib cage. "You use it here, but you need to feel it in your entire mid section." He lowered his hand. She was wearing a high waisted skirt. His palm rested right blow her belly button and traveled lower. "All here. Here you can muster up the power and let it fly."

Rachel searched his eyes. She felt uncomfortable. She didn't want him touching her like this, but she felt uncomfortable. She wanted to be gown up. She wanted to succeed. However, her heart was beating out of her chest and the only sound that was coming from her mouth was a shakey breath. Why was she so scared? It wasn't him. He would never hurt her. It was because of Hiram. It was because of what he did. It wasn't her teacher. Teachers don't do that.

"See what I mean?" Will asked standing up but not backing away from her. She looked up at him trying her best to breathe normally. She was okay. He wasn't going to hurt her. This was just her. She nodded silently.

…...

Practice was grueling and Santana noticed her mother at the sidelines looking rather unhappy.

"Your mother looks like she has a stick up her ass," Whitney hissed. "Oh wait, I would too if you were my kid."

"Fuck off," Kelly hissed.

The girls turned and watched Whitney grumble away from them. Kelly turned and looked at Shelby. "Mama Corcoran does look pretty pissed," she said.

"I know," Santana grimaced. She sighed and ran over to her mother. "Hi," she said breathlessly as she looked at her mother.

"Quinn, go inside and get Rachel please," Shelby said with frustration.

Quinn looked at Shelby and then back at Santana.

…...

"Rachel?" Quinn asked coming into the choir room. Rachel pulled away from the teacher and hurried out of the office to greet Quinn.

"Hi..." Quinn said slowly looking at Will with narrowed eyes.

Will laughed and looked at his watch. "Cheerios practice done already?" Quinn didn't answer him but continued to watch him as he looked at his watch. "Whoa. I guess so."

"Yeah, I guess so," Quinn said still with narrowed eyes. "Come on, Rach." She looked around. "Where's Kurt?"

Rachel opened her mouth to say something and looked over quickly at Mr. Schuester. "He already left," Rachel said. "Right, Mr. Schuester?"

The teacher looked at the young girl. "Yeah. You literally just missed him," he said with another grin. He tilted his head back at the office. "You forgot your sheet music back there and your backpack. Here let's go grab them."

"She can get them herself," Quinn said quickly with skeptical eyes. "She's a big girl." She looked down at Rachel. "Go on. Everyone's waiting for us."

Rachel nodded and started out back. Quinn took a step toward the teacher. "These doors remain open at all times. She shouldn't be practicing with you alone in your office." She spotted Rachel pulling on her jacket. "And I want Kurt to wait with you guys."

"Quinn, your suspicions are misplaced," Will said quickly. "However, I can understand based on your circumstances-"

"You don't know anything about my circumstances," she hissed, but softened with Rachel came back into the room.

"Is everything alright?" Rachel asked looking up at the two.

"It's fine," Quinn grimaced. She tried her best to tame her frown. "Come on." She shot one last glance at the teacher before she led the girl out of the room.

….

The brunette watched Quinn disappear into the school.

"Sue called you didn't she?" Santana asked.

"Yes, she did," Shelby said with her hands on her hips. She shook her head. "Seriously, Santana? Not just one class... all of them!"

"Except one," Santana said meekly.

"Whatever," Shelby snapped. "Do you think that I need this right now?"

Santana looked at her feet.

"You need to get your act together, Santana! I mean it!" Shelby scolded. "You're walking a thin line. With this you're still going to be grounded come the New Year." Shelby put her head in her hands.. "What do you want me to say, Santana? I mean seriously?"

The brunette looked at her mother. "I don't know."

"Why did you do this?"

Santana looked at her mother. "I needed to talk to Brittany, Mom. You cut that off."

"So cutting class was your only alternative?" she asked with a shake of her head.

"Yeah, it actually was," she hissed. "What did you want me to do?"

"Santana! Cut the attitude! I don't need this from you right now! Grow up!"

"You grow up!" Santana screamed. "I needed this! I needed to talk to her! I needed my best friend because my mother has been breathing down my neck!"

"Well, let me tell you something, little girl," Shelby barked. "You better get used to it. You could have had some priveledges back but you blew it! Again! Santana, I know you need your friend but do it the old fashioned way. We have stamps and paper at home. Write letters. You need to earn my trust, San. Not keep breaking it."

"Mom!"

"Santana!" Shelby mocked.

Neither of them saw Rachel, Quinn and Noah approach them.

"Santana! You punched a boy in the face. You fought with Quinn. You've been rude and made rude comments. You took your brother's phone. You broke things...You kept something from me, something important and you didn't tell me. You allowed your aunt to be your keeper for you. Now your cutting classes? Your actions have consequences, Santana. Before you were grounded indefinitely. Don't expect it to end anytime soon."

Santana turned and looked to look at the others who were waiting silently.

"Get in the car," Shelby said quickly as she approached the car.

Santana felt Rachel's hand slip into hers. "She's mad because of me," Rachel said quietly.

She gave a scoff. "She's mad because of me, bug." She glanced quickly at Quinn and then back toward the car. "Let's go."

The drive home was awkwardly silent. When they finally arrived back a the house, there was just more silence. They all filed into the kitchen.

"Homework now," Shelby said. "Quinn, can I speak with you please?"

Quinn felt a new sense of dread. She followed Shelby into the study.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Elyse is coming over at seven. We're going to discuss something that your mother talked about today during the meeting."

Quinn frowned. "What did she say?"

"We'll talk about it later," Shelby said calmly. "You're not in trouble for what she said."

"What did she say?" Quinn tried to get an answer. "Am I going back with her? What did she say?"

"Quinn, we will talk about it tonight," Shelby said.

"I want to know now," Quinn said sharply. She scanned Shelby's eyes quickly. "Should I go pack?" She didn't wait for a response. "I'll go pack now."

"Quinn, you're not leaving this house. You're not going back to your mother anytime soon." Shelby even surprised herself with how calm she was. "However, you and I do need to discuss your use of frozen beverages."

Quinn growled. "Are you kidding?"

"Nope," Shelby said. "You're grounded. Again."

"You need to tell me what we're discussing tonight! You can't just ambush me!" she yelled in frustration.

"We're not ambushing you Quinn," Shelby said. "So for now, go out there please and finish your homework."

"You're not my mother," the blonde fired. "I would appreciate it if you would tell me what MY mother said and stop pretending that you are mine."

As soon as the words left Quinn's mouth, all she could remember were Sue's words about Shelby. Shelby was trying. Quinn could see herself pushing Shelby away, but she couldn't stop. If she didn't it would hurt. It would hurt too much. She tried not to see the woman's hurt.

"I know that I am not your mother," Shelby said finally. "I also know, though, that no matter what I still love you and I do consider you my daughter." Quinn scoffed. "We will discuss this this evening. What we discuss isn't going to change your living arrangements. Nor will it change the fact that you're grounded." She looked at Quinn with gritted teeth. "So get back in the kitchen and start you homework." Quinn stared at her in surprise. "NOW!" Quinn looked at her.

She shook her head. "This is bull."

Shelby watched the girl leave. She heard the door close and leaned her head against the wall of the bookcase and pounded it. Gah! this is the worst day.

"Mom?" Rachel chimed. "I think there's someone at the door."

"Rach, I think she's just banging her head against the wall," Shelby heard Noah murmur from the kitchen.

"Why would she do that?" Rachel asked. Quinn must of entered the kitchen because Rachel then asked, "Did you say something to make my mother want to bang her head against the cabinet?"

Shelby straightened and headed toward the kitchen. "We all want to bang our heads, Rachel," Santana grumbled as Shelby entered the room.

"Mom, were you banging your head?"

Shelby looked at her daughter. Suddenly the backdoor opened and Joey entered with take out.

"Nope," Shelby said. "It was your aunt getting things out of the car."

The kids all looked at Joey to follow suite. "Yup. Yup," Joey nodded as she set the bags down. "All me." She held up a box. "I brought pasta!"

Dinner was silent and mostly a working dinner. Everyone worked on their homework, except for Rachel who lay in the living room curled into her aunt's side as they watched a PBS documentary. Quinn stared anxiously at the clock. What has her mother said? She rolled in her memory. What had her mother said that would make Shelby need to bring over the therapist? Quinn looked down at her homework. She had rewritten over the same word so many times it looked bolded. She frowned. Her mother knew nothing about her. She bit her lip, probably anything that her mother said would be grounds for a call to a therapist.

The doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" Rachel called.

"No, bug," Joey said as Shelby passed through the living room. "Let your mom get it. Come on, let's move into the kitchen. You can look up the other schools that we talked about."

Rachel rolled her eyes but followed Joey into the kitchen where Santana and Noah sat with funny looks on their faces.

"Why does your face look like that?" she asked Noah.

"Why does your face look like that?" her brother mimicked in a high tone voice.

"Enough," Joey said. "Homework. Let's go. Rachel, come over here. Make a pro-con list between the three schools."

"Okay," Rachel said quickly. Joey rolled her eyes. This girl was so Type A.

…...

Quinn watched as Shelby closed the study door. She hated being in the study. Fuck studies...

"I bet you're wondering why we wanted to speak with you, Quinn," Elyse began.

"Well, mainly I'm wondering what my mom said," Quinn said quickly.

Shelby looked over at Elyse and gave a nod. "Today your mother told us something that we need you to talk with us about." She took a deep breath. "We're not judging you."

"Yeah, right," Quinn barked. "It's your job to judge."

"It's not," Elyse said. "It's my job to listen."

"Well listen to this," Quinn replied. "This is crap."

Mean things seemed to be exploding from her mouth. She was scared. She felt cornered. She could tell by their eyes that what her mother had said was big.

"What did she say? Huh?" Quinn challenged. "Come on tell me."

The women looked at each other. "I'm over here," Quinn said. "What did she fucking say? Just tell me!" She watched as Shelby tried to form words. "Spit it out!"

"She told us that you were pregnant," Elyse said.

Quinn stared at her. She had no comeback. She had nothing else to say.

"She told us," Elyse continued. "That you are a killer."

Quinn just stared at her. She didn't even try to form words.

…...

"I'll be right back," Joey said standing up. "Can you guys behave while I run to the bathroom?"

"I think we can handle it," Santana said with a roll of her eyes.

Joey nodded. "You better. No funny business."

Noah leaned across the table as soon as she left. "Rach, put your headphones on and listen to your audition song."

"But-"

"Do it," Noah said not breaking eye contact with Santana. Once he heard the faint buzz of music her looked back at Santana. "I heard something at school today."

"Congratulations, you have one of your five senses," Santana said looking at her work.

"Listen to me," he said carefully. "There's a rumor going around about you and Brittany. It's not a nice one."

Santana looked over at Rachel and then back at her brother. "You know nothing." Santana narrowed her eyes. "What are they saying?"

"Is it true?"

"Well, idiot, I don't know if it's true if you don't tell me what's being said," she hissed.

Noah looked at her and then checked over his shoulder again to make sure that Rachel was still swaying to the music. "They're saying that you guys were paid to hook up in the auditorium."

Santana frowned. "What?"

"I don't care if you're with Brittany, but-"

"You don't know anything about me," she said more loudly.

"Actually, I do," he said with equal volume. "I will support you no matter what. You know that."

"I'm not talking about this with you, Noah," she said turning to her books.

"The last rumors that went around about you, San, were true...Griff and I really had to -"

"You and Griffin didn't have to do ANYTHING! No, you butted into my life!" Santana hissed.

"Are you really pulling that, San?" He asked. "You needed us to butt in! It got out of control!" He shook his head. "I don't care who you love, San. I'm grateful that you have Brittany-"

"Shut up, Noah!" she screamed. "We're not talking about this."

"Guys, what's going on?" Joey asked reentering but neither seemed to notice.

"This is my business," Santana said heavily. "I …. This is..." She put her hands up. "This isn't yours!"

"It is," Noah said with a heightened voice. "I can help you. You need to know that these rumors are going around, Santana."

"I don't care!" she yelled. "I don't care!"

"Bull!" Noah challenged. "You care more than anything."

"Guys!" Joey scolded.

The two teenagers looked at her with exhaustion. "What?"

"Where's Rachel?"

…...

Quinn stared at them. What? No, she squeezed her eyes shut. She had been careful. She...

"My mom doesn't know about that..." Quinn shook her head. "She …. No..."

"Quinn, you need to tell us what happened," Elyse continued. "This is very serious."

"You don't think I know that? I know that..." Her voice was at an eerily low tone. "I was fifteen." She shook her head. "It was last year..."

"What happened?" Shelby asked gently.

Quinn stood up. "I'm not talking about this." She started for the door not seeing that it was opened a crack, nor did she see the tiny brunette on the other side of it.

"Quinn, the accusations that your mother made -"

She stopped at the door. Her whole body was shaking. "I'm not TALKING ABOUT THIS!" she screamed. "My mother knows nothing!"

"Quinn," Shelby started.

"No," she said pushing her away. "Leave me alone!"

"We certainly cannot do that," Shelby said. "What happened, Quinn."

"NOTHING! NOTHING!" she screamed. She turned and faced them. "I got knocked up. It's dead. That's all you need to know."

The women stared at her in shock. "Now leave me the FUCK alone!"

"Quinn," Elyse said as evenely as possible trying to cover up her own anxiety. "Did you have an abortion?"

"What?" Quinn looked up from the pattern in the carpet she was staring at. "Why would you need to know how it died..." It sunk in. "My mother said I killed it... She means...You think I murdered my baby?"

"Quinn," Shelby said not even trying to cover her tears. "We never said that. We just need to know what happened."

"What?" She asked. "Come on," she challenged. "You already know! I know you do!"

The women watched Quinn fall back into the wall. Quinn went on. "You already know that my father fucked me and my mother beat the shit out of me … so sure, let's also talk about the fact that Quinn Fabray can't even carry a child." She glared at them through her tears. "Come on... let's talk about it!"

"Quinn," Shelby said with a trembling voice. Tear cascaded down her cheeks. They had pushed her and now they knew.

"Leave me alone!" she screamed slamming her fist against the door, shutting it with force, a small scream echoing from the other side.

The three women looked to the door. Quinn's furious brow relaxed and she fell against the wall. Fuck, she thought. Her angry tears continued to fall without shame. She couldn't do this. She knew exactly who was on the other side of that door listening in. Fuck, she thought. How much more of a failure could she become?

The women all stared at each other. The room had exploded.

"I think we've had enough for tonight," Elyse said looking at Quinn who was staring at the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest. "We'll talk tomorrow?" Shelby nodded. Elyse looked at Quinn. "Try to get some sleep, Quinn."

"She doesn't sleep," Shelby murmured.

The seemingly sedated girl shot up. "Shut up! That's not for you to tell!" Quinn screamed. Shelby held her back. "Fuck this!" she screamed and ran out of the room. Shelby shot an apologetic glance up at Elyse and ran after the blonde.

Quinn ran into her room not noticing the tiny brunette standing in the hallway.

"Quinn?" Rachel asked quietly watching the older girl.

"What?" she barked stopping but not turning.

"Are you scared?" she asked.

She frowned and looked down at the girl who had tears welling in her eyes. "What?" She shook her head. "Go away, Rachel," Quinn said with a shake of her head.

"Quinn," the girl said going after her.

"I said go away," Quinn snapped pushing Rachel away from her causing the girl to slam into the table in the hallway. The blonde couldn't look at her. She couldn't. She just had to walk away. Shelby ran past them.

"You alright?" she heard Santana ask Rachel as she followed Quinn into her room.

Rachel nodded and looked up at Santana. "San, something really bad happened to Quinn."

Santana didn't look at her sister, but she watched Quinn disappear down the hallway. She sighed. She had a strange feeling, one that she couldn't explain. Nevertheless a strange calm settled over her; she didn't want to know.

She pulled Rachel closer to her as she exchanged a look with her mother before she watched the older woman disappear into Quinn's room. She looked down at Rachel with a weak smile.

"I know, Rach, but we don't push her, okay?" Rachel nodded. "Come on. I'll stay with you okay?" Rachel continued to stare at Quinn's door. She nodded. "Okay. Go get ready for bed. I'll be in in a second."

Rachel nodded and disappeared into the room. Santana stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. This whole day had been exhausting. She could barely think. She had heard the screaming from the study earlier. She knew her mother was going to have a long night. She could still hear loud voices across the hall in Quinn's room. She peaked into Rachel's room as she pulled one of Noah's old jerseys over her head. She tilted her head and watched her baby sister quietly. She could see the faint scars still on Rachel's lower back. She knew that she had similar scars, but they didn't matter as much. She couldn't see her own.

She noticed her brother staring at her.

"You're being creepy," she said with a snap.

"You're being a bitch," he retorted.

"Go in your room and leave me alone," Santana said heavily.

"I'm coming to say good night to Rach," he said with a roll of his eyes.

"So do it," Santana replied. "You have until I finish washing my face and brushing my teeth. Go."

Noah rolled his eyes. He turned his attention to Rachel's room. He had noticed that she had been quiet. He had heard his aunt and mother talking about something that happened at therapy. He also know that look in Rachel's eye. There was something on her mind. He watched her climb into bed. He needed to distract her. He watched her quietly from the doorway. He needed to distract her; he had to. she was also the only sister that let him in. That let him be there for her.

"Hey, bug," Noah said from the door.

Rachel turned and smiled at her big brother. "Hi," she said quietly.

"Can I tuck you in?" he asked.

Rachel shrugged. "I'm old. I'm eleven." She saw her brother's skeptical look. "Plus... San's sleeping with me."

He frowned when he saw a look again. "You alright?" She nodded. "You sure?" She nodded again. "Okay..."

"So, Aunt Joey told me that you went to Gable today." Rachel climbed into bed and Noah handed her George. He rested his chin on his hands on the edge of the bed. "And I heard you met a boy."

Rachel giggled. "I did."

"Tell me about it," he grinned.

…..

Shelby walked into Quinn's room and saw her packing frantically. "

"Get out," she said without turning around. "I need to get out of here! I need air! I just..."

"You want some air?" Shelby asked. "Okay... then let's go."

"I don't want to go with you!" Quinn hissed.

"Well that's too bad, you're grounded." Shelby sighed. "Let's make a deal, okay? We'll go on a drive. We'll go get some air and I promise I won't say a word but you can't go alone."

"I'm not going to run away," Quinn hissed.

"I know that, but you still can't go alone," Shelby said calmly.

"Let me go!" Quinn screamed throwing her bag on the floor.

"We can go together," Shelby said calmly.

"I don't want to go anywhere with you." She panted in frustration. Everything seemed like it was crumbling … She rethought. No, it felt like it was already shattered and she was naked and exposed in front of everyone. "I need some air."

"Like, I said, we can go for a drive and just drive and..."

"I don't want to go with you," Quinn said quickly.

"Well, -" Shelby started.

"I want to go with Joey. Isn't that why she's here? I want to go with her."

Shelby looked at her in shock. She finally spoke. "The rules will be the same with her," she said quietly trying to mask her hurt.

"Whatever, I just need to get out of here. I don't want any of you. Any of this. I need to get away from it all. At least for a bit."

She couldn't be with Shelby. She couldn't do any of this. She needed to be with someone who didn't know her. She needed someone who didn't know anything about her. Joey thought she knew her. Joey had the idea of her one that Quinn felt so foreign to, but here was Shelby with her open arms, and her motherly instinctly. She just couldn't do it. She couldn't at all. There were very few things that Shelby knew. She need was air. that's all she needed was air. Joey had made promises to her.

"Joey," Shelby called down the hallway. Joey came in and felt the tension between the two.

"I want to go for a drive. I need to get out of here and you can't speak to me," Quinn said ripping her coat from the closet and looking at her with determination.

Joey narrowed her eyes and looked at the girl and then studied the girl's face. Shelby looked at her after she realized that her sister didn't say anything.

"Joey?"

"I need to stay here," Joey said with a shrug. "Quinn, you need to go with Shelby."

"No," Quinn hissed.

"Well then, you're going to have to stay here." Joey looked at her simply. "That's the deal."

Quinn looked at at the women and then back at her hands. "No, talking?"

"None at all," Shelby assured.

"Fine."

…...

Santana looked at her face again in the mirror. She could hear murmurs in the hallway. Like someone was getting ready to leave. She opened the door and spotted her aunt and mother standing with the blonde.

"What's going on?"

"Go to bed, Santana," Joey said.

"But," she began.

"Bed."

Santana frowned but walked quietly into Rachel's room. Noah was sitting on the floor listening to Rachel. He met Santana's eyes and Santana shot him a glare. She didn't need her brother's crap right now. He didn't know anything about her. IT wasn't about being accepted... It was so much more than that.

"Say goodnight, Rach," Santana said climbing over her brother, interrupting their conversation.

"Night, Noah," Rachel said with a yawn.

Noah leaned over Santana who glared at him with disgust. "Night, bug," he whispered as he kissed her softly on the forehead. He stood up. "Good night, Santana."

"Good night, PUCK!" Santana hissed as she turned over and spooned her body around Rachel.

"You don't have to be so rude," Rachel said with another yawn.

"I'm not," Santana replied. "How's that head of yours?"

"It's fine," Rachel said with her eyes closed. "It just startled me when the door slammed against it. IT didn't hurt very much."

Santana chuckled. "Okay."

A couple hours later, Santana stared up at the ceiling. She couldn't sleep. Rachel was snoring softly next to her. She had a girlfriend? Was that what Brittany was? The watched the street lights dance on the ceiling. Could she do this? Could she really? She raised her arms over her head to shift. She couldn't do this. There were rumors already about her?

A whimper pulled her from her thoughts. She looked over and saw Rachel's small hands squeezing her stuffed monkey tightly. She leaned over and combed her hand through Rachel's hair. The girls' brow was wrinkled. She kissed her brow gently. "Shhh, bug. I'm right here." Rachel whimpered and buried her head in Santana's chest. "Please," she trembled in her dream. "I'm sorry... No more."

Santana pulled Rachel closer. This is why she had said no to Brittany. She said no not because of Rachel but because all of those things that lingered under the surface and continued to haunt them. She kissed Rachel's forehead. "You're okay, Rach. Sanny's here."

_Eight year old Santana sat on the bed quietly. Her palms pressed against the mattress and allowed her body to lean forward slightly. Rachel had been gone so long. She wasn't going to give up on her. Yes, she had noticed how much quieter that Rachel had become. however, she wasn't going to lose her. She... She was going to be okay. The door at the end of the hall swung open. Rachel trembled out of the room. Hiram had his hand clamped around her upper arm. "Get in there, you piece of shit," he hissed. Rachel ran into Santana's arms and the older girl pulled her closely to her. "Keep her quiet," his hissed slamming the door. Santana looked around the room. Noah was sound asleep on his make shift bed on the floor. Santana looked at the blinking clock. It was past ten o'clock. Rachel shouldn't be up this late. She thought for a moment. Neither should she. _

_The toddler was whimpering against her chest. "Let's get you changed and to bed, okay?" Santana whispered. She pulled off her clothes and noticed the welts on Rachel's back were fresh and red. "Shhh," she whispered. "It's okay. I've got you." She grabbed her own t-shirt and put it on her sister. She kissed Rachel gently on the forehead. "There we go," she muttered. She laid Rachel down on the bed. She noticed the tab to Rachel's diaper was loose. She reached for it and Rachel flinched. "It's just me," she whispered. She sighed it wouldn't even still back to where it should go. She reached under the bed and into her backpack. She and Noah hid spare diapers just in case. _

"_I'm gonna change you real quick," Santana whispered. Rachel began to cry softly. Hiram obviously didn't know how to do it right if she comes back from the longest diaper change ever and she still wasn't properly in her diaper. "Shh," Santana whispered. "We need to be quiet..." She gave RAchel a weak smile, hoping to calm her before Hiram came in. She opened the diaper and froze...She realized in that moment that she hadn't changed Rachel in weeks. Hiram had been doing it... She looked down a the diaper and her sobbing two year old sister. All that was in the diaper was blood._

Santana returned to the present with she felt Rachel move into her. "Shhh," she whispered. "Wake up, bug." She ran her hand through her hair. Santana watched as Rachel jumped awake in her arms. She looked around frantically. "I'm right here," she told the young girl. Rachel turned and buried her head in Santana's chest. "Don't ever leave me," Rachel said between sniffles. "Promise," Santana said as she wrapped her arm around the trembling girl. And Santana didn't break her promises.

…...

The ride had been silent. Quinn kept glancing over at Shelby wondering if she would keep her word. She had. They drove and drove. Quinn rolled down the window and let the cold night air slip around her fingers. She kept thinking that she was alone and then remembering that she wasn't. She closed her eyes and let her arm lazily drape out the window. She needed to be somewhere else.

They knew. They all knew. They knew... She shook back her tears. It was bad enough that they knew that her father had sex with her. It was bad enough that they knew her mother was a drunken bitch... But now they knew this. She squeezed her eyes shut and remembered that night. Then remembered that moment that she realized …. She felt a surge in her stomach.

"Pull over," she said. Shelby looked at her and pulled over. Quinn opened the door and vomited.

She couldn't do this.

A bottle of water tapped her on the shoulder. She looked at it and then up at Shelby. She felt the tears welling in her eyes.

"I didn't go through with it..." she whispered. "I lost it...It died inside me..."

Shelby watched her. Quinn looked at her and then back at the bottle of water. She reached out to take it, but her hand lingered on Shelby's. The touch was what did it. The touch made her lose control. She let the sobs engulfed her. She remembered that day. She remembered the miscarriage. She remembered how empty she felt afterward. She remembered how much of a failure she felt like. She remembered it all. She was surprised that Shelby wasn't hugging her. Therefore, out of instinct, out of need and out of hope, she wrapped her arms around Shelby's neck and cried. She had nothing else to hold on to. She sobbed into the woman's arms and to her surprise, Shelby hugged her back.

She stayed there until she ran out of tears. She was done fighting, at least for tonight.

…...

Santana walked into the school. The morning had been exhausting. No one spoke to each other. When she woke up, she discovered that her mother and Quinn laying together on the couch in the family room. She hadn't even heard them pull in. She didn't need to know how they got there, but at least Quinn was sleeping. Nevertheless, the morning was still painfully awkward. It was silent. However, apparently things weren't that different at school. When they arrived Quinn and Noah immediately went in opposite directions. Santana walked into the main corridor herself. Immediately, she knew. There was something different; something was off. .

The first thing that she noticed were the stares. Why were people staring? They should be running from her. They never looked her in the eye. They knew better. What was going on? Then she noticed that everyone had hand outs. They were looking at them and laughing at her. She steeled her face and continued forward.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen!" A voice bellowed over the intercom. The hallway froze. "Finn Hudson here. As you might see, we're doing some new advertising here at McKinley. Santana Corcoran likes long walks on the beach, cheering, being a bitch, and oh wait..." He paused and Santana froze. Her heart was beating out of her chest. "Not only does she like partying, alcohol, and sex, but she likes sex with women." Santana blinked in shock. "As you can see, a very reliable source was able to document..." Santana looked a stray the flyer; there were so many that there were flyers scattered on the floor. It was a picture of her and Brittany in the auditorium with their foreheads rested on each other. She felt herself panting to catch her breath. Everone's eyes were on her. "So, I guess Santana and Brittany are off the market, everyone. Let's make sure to congratulate them on coming out."

Santana looked at the ground. She felt the tears stinging her eyes but she wasn't going to let them fall. So she turned against the busy hallway and the heavy stares and she ran.

* * *

><p><strong>I knew that I was doing this storyline a bit before the show did it. However, once I saw how the show did it, I knew that I really needed to keep this story arch in. <strong>

**Please review. It would mean the world. Thank you. **


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

amandaes417- Thank you for reviewing and re-reading the chapters. I take your review to heart. Thank you so much.

Cookie - I am checking into a 12 step program for you! I have contacted Dr. Drew. He should get back to me any day now. Thanks for reviewing.

FacingFuture – Sorry about making you dizzy – but it is going to continue to a roller coaster ride for a while – there are a lot more things to come. Everyone does have their own story but they are all there for each other. You will see this chapter what happens with Finn and how Quinn feels about this relationship. Jeannie should have a mother like Judy – they seem to be cut from the same cloth. While Sue has some qualities from the show, she is also a stronger woman in the story. Than k you for reviewing and I hope you are sitting down reading this chapter.

Marauderette96 – Thank you so much. I appreciate your words. I hope you like this chapter.

hersheysforever – Thank you. You will see a little what is happening to Santana in this chapter but it will be a lot longer for her storyline.

Anon – what story are you reading? Judy and Russell will be lucky to see Quinn again! Thanks for the review.

TheTBone : Your review is something i always look forward to. I catch myself always going back and rereading your favorite party. They are always mine. I am so eager to see what your favorites are this time around. Thank you so much. This chapter was hard to write. I was trying to make everything how it should be while also building what is to come. I hope you enjoy it. I'm still figuring out Jesse in this story but I'll let you in on a little secret: I've been thinking about his role in a sequel with him in it when Rachel is older. The bombs might keep on dropping...There's something planned for the end of the week in the story (not in actual life) that's going to really rock a character's life. Please continue reading.

Renata- don't apologize for delaying your review I love them and you do it all the time so I thank you very much for them. All the cheerios know "baby Corcoran". And you may see more of St. James in future chapters. Quinn needs to let someone in or she will burst so I am happy that Sue pointed that out to her. Santana and Brittany do have a lot going on and it is ongoing I just hope I do it justice. I am so happy that you shared my story and overwhelmed that she has so many kind words. I always love your kisses and reviews from Brazil – Thank you so much

gleefanatic14 – you will find out who is the daddy this chapter. Mr. Schue is really creepy and hopefully all the warnings out there will help. Brittana is around for awhile and while it may not always be smooth – it is real. Finn and Whitney will get what is coming to them I promise you. Thank you so much for being a faithful reader! You keep me going and inspired.

Tcathing – Shelby will need a hug and a rest when she gets to Florida that is for sure. But she does what does out of love and devotion to her kids. And you are correct Finn is a complete A-HOLE. Thank you for your review.

piecesofyourheart – ok please don't be so angry – most if not all will get what they deserve coming to them – trust me. Florida is going to happen trust me and a spoiler for you the Corcoran grandparents are strict but nice and fair. Thank you for reviewing as always.

SuzQQ – Mr. Schue is not leaving anytime soon sorry. Quinn may or not speak up but Quinn is starting to come around and think the Corcoran way so there is hope. Rachel will be trying out for Gable so we will see – is this the right time for her – lets see. These kids will be talking it out with a lot of people and hopefully the two that aren't that good at using their words will find its ok to use them when they are talking to people who can really help them. Thank you for always reviewing and providing your insight, its definitely something I look forward to always.

Chickabilly - There are no words for your reviews. It wasn't a masterpiece but it was certainly exhausting, as was this chapter. You're going to see a lot of ups and downs for Rachel, especially this "week" in the story. They leave on Friday and it's currently Tuesday. You will see what's coming and it's going to be a ride. She is tough, but she's still only eleven. Thank you for recognizing the challenges that Shelby faces as a therapist and a parent and a coworker. It was subtle and I'm happy you picked it up. Shelby will discuss Will with Rachel in this chapter, but there is a subtle (or not so subtle) point in the conversation where there is no turning back. You will see. Quinn and Santana's relationship is also subtle. They've built a mutual respect for one another. They are learning how to be sisters and friends. Shelby also sees that grounding is losing its effect and she has a plan. You will find out soon. The whole study scene was hard for Quinn. It's going to be a hard ride for her and this day at school in this chapter isn't going to help. Thank you for catching the Quinn and Shelby moment. It was definitely tough. You get some insight about what happened that night and how they ended up on the couch too. They're getting there, slowly but surely. Santana's struggle... There are no words. You are ahead of me and hitting the nail on the head. That's a HUGE role in Santana's struggle with her sexuality. That is part of the reason this chapter took so long to write because I was trying to make it perfect because this issue is so important and I wanted to give the storyline justice (unlike RIB). Many people will be sobbing for their mothers. You will see this chapter morphs McKinley into absolute chaos. Thanks as always.

dEep-hEavEn – I am sorry that I am depressing you. I try and be really honest with the warnings but I have this story to tell and I need to tell it this way. Thank you so much for continuing to read the story even though it is so emotional for you.

broadwaybound2016 – Hold on to your seat – there is a lot more to come. Thanks for review.

NinjaGleek21 – there is going to be a lot of pain inflicted on Finn this chapter. Thanks for reviewing!

Cookie – You are right the grounding has not been too effective and Santana is going through a great deal right but Shelby will rein it in soon. She still has to parent and she still has to teach that lashing out and doing what she wants to is not the right way to do things. It is a challenge for all of them.

Kimberlli – The Florida chapter is a little way out because of the events that just happened – they need to be told correctly and fully. But trust me they are going to Florida. Thanks for the review.

Shauna – I certainly accept your apology. Rachel has been through a lot because of Hiram but she really needs to relearn to eat again because Quinn is around it is really making Shelby have to start to fix it so it is not a lifelong problem. Slowly but surely Quinn will let people in but trust me it will be very slow. Thank you for being patient – Will will be around more in the next few chapters unfortunately.

MaJorReader619 – Florida is still a little way off but lots to happen before then, Thanks for the review.

marinka4 – Finn is a super big ass. Judy ass is too nice of a word to describe her. Jesse is a few chapters out but I love Jon Groff so Jesse will always be a great guy. But remember in this story he is only as old as Rachel so its just may end with puppy love.

Cookie – Santana and Noah see a different type of trauma specialist – Thank you so much for reviewing. If you would like to know more about the difference you can PM me.

val-cb – Thanks! As always!

OTHangels – I hope you enjoy this chapter – Thanks for the review.

Hail the Wolves – No withdrawals please ! Here it is I hope it pleases you! Thank you

Gleek1990 – Santana and Quinn will certainly have their moments! And they will talk a lot more! Trust me – thank you for reviewing.

Cariboo500 – Thanks for the review.

TommyH – Its coming I promise! Thank you

Ryoko05 – There is a happy moment coming soon I promise but I don't think it will make the final cut of this chapter but it will in the next one I promise. Brittany does have patience for Santana but Brittany is going to need help through this too – lets hope they can be there for each other. Finn is beyond and ass. Thanks for reviewing.

HIsland429 – I promise you Jesse is not Will son in this story. Never. Santana will revert some but now that its out it is harder to escape and it is for the better. Quinn and Rachel have a lot in common and they will learn more and more about each other. Thank you.

Theilliterate – Thank you for your kind words. I am with you there is not much love for Finn. Jesse may or may not be Rachel's boyfriend because they are only eleven in this story but it will be a cute little storyline for the two of them. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

emms 56 – I don't like to give any spoilers but if you would like to PM me then I would be more than happy to let you know what is going to happen to little Ms. Rachel. Thanks for the review.

**I'm sorry this chapter took so long. Things got a bit stressful personally... but whatever. Also got hit by another plague and work was having me pull my hair out (not really, i like my hair.) **

**I invested a lot of care and effort into this chapter because Santana's outing is something that was very important for me to explore. This is just the beginning of that whole process, but I wanted to especially lay the foundation correctly. I wanted to get it right and give that story justice. Please let me know if I don't. Especially with the most recent episode I found myself feeling simultaneously indignant for Santana as well as heartbroken for Karofsky. Santana on the show was outed nationally and it was barely addressed and I couldn't help but feel so betrayed by that. Therefore, part of this delayed update was because I went back and added parts to Santana and Brittany's internal monologues. **

**Also, used a few gem quotes from the actual show from glee. if i could hand out prizes, I would. They're pretty obvious quotes to die-heart fans. yes, i changed who said a few of them because of the story, but still there nonetheless. There were a lot of ways that i really thought about dealing with and approaching this chapter. Please let me know what you think. A few people have read some bits and told me it packs some heft punches.**

**Thank you everyone. Your support means the world.**

* * *

><p>She ran. She ran as fast as she could. She couldn't breathe. Everything felt so heavy on her chest. That shit-cock had taken something so complicated and extraordinarily delicate, something even she couldn't even articulate in her own mind and heart, and reduced it to something easy and crude, a punchline. She felt her breath hitch in her chest. She heard the bell ring and she looked ahead of her at the empty hallway. People were going to come flooding around the corner any minute and she wasn't going to let them see her face. She couldn't. She ran faster and grabbed the heavy door, slamming it behind her.<p>

…...

Noah slammed his gym locker shut. Why did everything in the guys' locker room always smell like sweaty feet? It was the only thing he liked about living with women. Nothing ever smelled in the Corcoran house. Everything always smelled like flowers, or cookies, or fresh things, like that potting soil in the garage. Nothing in the house smelled like feet. The music was blaring. At least it wasn't show tunes... or something...

He sighed. He turned to leave the locker room when he spotted a group of of laughing underclassmen come in. He recognized them as players on the JV team.

"Oh man, did you see this?" one guy laughed. They passed a flyer around.

Another guy looked at it and laughed with his fist to his mouth trying to tame his laughter. "Shit man."

The laughter simmered as Puck came around the corner. He frowned at them. If there was one thing about Puck Corcoran he hated not knowing. He used his tall, bulking frame to assert his authority. He was also told once that he had a piercing gaze. He used that, too. And often.

"What are you doing?" It came out more as a growl than a question.

One of the guys frowned and snatched the flyer behind his back.

"Nothing," one guy tweaked.

He scanned their faces and knew there was something up.

"It's about some girl, dude," one guy said trying to act calm.

"Don't call me, dude," Noah snapped. "Tell me now or I will make sure you're scrubbing varsity jock straps for the rest of the season."

"Just some girl on girl action," a guy laughed in the back.

One of the others in the front elbowed him in the gut, attempting to shut him up. The laughing hyena looked at the other, confused.

Puck scanned over them again. He glared. "Give it," he barked.

They looked at each other for a moment, but it was a moment too long. Puck pushed them backward and sent them tumbling into each other. Noah barely glanced at the flyer. All he saw was his sister. He felt in stomach clench. Fuck.

He looked at the JV players. "My advice for you," he started slowly. "Is to find the nearest dumpster and throw yourselves in it." They looked at him. "Because you all know that that would be better what will happen when I get my hands on you." He watched the boys' faces fall slowly one by one. "It might not be today or this week or even before break, but you are now on my list. Go put on your diapers because I'll make you shit you pants. that's not a threat that's a promise."

He took one last opportunity to shove them back to the floor.

He stomped out of the room with one focus. One focus only: Finding his sister.

…...

Quinn rinsed off her face. Her entire evening had been exhausting. She wanted to throw up. Shelby wasn't a person she wanted to disappoint. She never felt that before, not without fear of punishment. It felt strange. She felt some of that with Sue and even the Pierces but... not like she felt about Shelby. She sighed and rubbed her flat stomach. Shelby knew. She felt every muscle tense in her stomach. Shelby knew, she repeated in her head. she stared at herself in the mirror. Shelby had kept her promise. She had remained silent for the ride. Quinn shook her head and then Shelby had to go and let Quinn sleep on the couch. Quinn remembered distinctly saying that she wouldn't sleep in her room. She flat out refused. She was rude and snappy. She shook her head. And what had Shelby Corcoran done? She wasn't mad. She should have yelled because of Quinn's attitude or simply because of the fact that it was one in the morning when they finally returned to the house. No, instead, Shelby fetched her a blanket and then that woman went into the kitchen and emptied the dishwasher. Sue had been wrong, she wasn't mother Teresa, she was Super Woman. She shook her head. When Quinn had thought she was safe, she had given into that weight on her chest that seemed to be squeezing every emotion out of her life the juicer in her parents' kitchen. Her mother had lived by the juice diet. Quinn gave into those emotions and in the darkness save the light that Super Woman had left on, she let go. When she thought she was safe to let her guard down, Shelby decided to make what Quinn now labeled the 'evening rounds,' where she checked on everyone. And again, with grace that seemed so unique and barren for every time before this in Quinn's life, Shelby remained true to her promise and sat silently with Quinn. She didn't reach out and hold her like Quinn expected. The girl remembered Shelby quietly promising to give her her space before their car ride began. Shelby was keeping to her word and using trickery to make Quinn need a hug and be held. Stupid reverse psychology. So somehow with the humility in her left toe, Quinn uncurled herself from her blanket and laid her head on Shelby's shoulder. and then that's how she awoke the next morning: Leaning on Shelby Corcoran, Super Woman.

The blonde stared at her stomach and sighed. She shook her head and for those reasons, alongside her own shame, she drank the stupid protein shake that Shelby placed in front of her at breakfast. She had even taken a bite of toast.

"What are you staring at, blondie?"

Quinn didn't turn around but just looked at her reflection. "Nothing," she said as she turned to face her coach.

"Long night?" Sue asked.

"You have no idea."

Sue opened her mouth but was interrupted.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen!" A voice bellowed over the intercom. Quinn frowned. Finn? "Finn Hudson here. As you might see, we're doing some new advertising here at McKinley. Santana Corcoran likes long walks on the beach, cheering, being a bitch, and oh wait..." She frowned so deeply it was as if her brows were sticking out the end of her nose. "Not only does she like partying, alcohol, and sex, but she likes sex with women. As you can see, a very reliable source was able to document..." Quinn ran to the hallway and saw that every student had a flyer in their hands. "So, I guess Santana and Brittany are off the market, everyone. Let's make sure to congratulate them on coming out."

The announcement ended and Quinn felt a scream erupt from her lips. She froze. Maybe Santana didn't hear. Quinn and Noah (Quinn shook her head, Puck) had gone in before her. Shelby had held Santana at the car to give her a lecture on not skipping classes and explain the teacher signing grid. Maybe she was still in the parking lot. Could Quinn catch her? Don't be an idiot, Quinn scolded herself. She had taken the last ten minutes staring at herself at the mirror and then before that she had walked into school. Santana would certainly be in school by now. She had to find her. She had to -

"Quinn," Sue said with her ordering voice. "Go find Brittany and Santana." Quinn searched the woman's eyes. "Go. Just find them and bring them back here. We need to grab that firecracker called Corcoran before she breaks any bones."

The blonde nodded. She did well with instructions.

It wasn't until Quinn made her fourth turn down the now student-empty hallways that were littered with flyers about Santana and Brittany. She realized in that moment that she had no idea where to look. She had known Brittany almost her entire life, ever since she could remember. Where would Brittany go? She shook her head. This was pointless she thought as she slammed her body against the lockers. She didn't know where Brittany was because Brittany would be looking for Santana and Quinn had no idea where to start with Santana. She never did. That girl was as mysterious as the contents of hotdogs.

"Fuck muffins," Quinn suddenly heard a familiar voice sound out. Could things be that convenient? She looked up and Brittany was rounding the corner, cursing. "Shit stones!" Quinn saw that the blonde was still clenching a flyer in her hand.

"Brittany," Quinn called out forcing herself to move.

"Quinn, Quinn," Brittany said hurriedly.

Quinn noticed the tear stains on the girls' cheeks first.

"Have you seen Santana? Please tell me you were with her when..." she trailed off. She must have seen Quinn's face of regret. "Shit. Shit. Fucking ass shit mother fucker rat balls!" Brittany said as she stomped her foot.

Quinn was sure that she hadn't heard any of those words uttered by another human being out loud; they were usually instead echoing in her own head or vomiting out of her mouth. They certainly never exploded from Brittany S. Pierce. Suddenly, Brittany dropped from Quinn's line of vision. The girl collapsed back onto her heels on the linoleum floor. She looked so defeated in that moment. Quinn looked around nervously. What... What was she supposed to do? How did normal people handle sobbing best friends? In all of her life, Quinn had never seen Brittany like this. She blinked at the girl on the floor. However, the girl crying quietly on the floor had seen her like that. Her mind drifted back to last spring, almost five months ago.

_Quinn stared at the back of her locker. Everything was falling apart. She couldn't do this. This coudn't be a possibility. She wasn't going to even try. She couldn't even-_

"_Quinn?"_

_She brought her gaze out of her locker. She looked at her childhood bestfriend, Brittany. She wasn't going to do this. Not with her. _

"_What?" Quinn snapped as she put her HBIC face back on. _

"_Are you alright?" _

"_Go away, Brittany," she replied nudging her shoulder as she stormed past her. _

"_Hey," Brittany said grabbing her arm. "I know we haven't been super close in awhile, but I know you well enough to know there's something wrong." _

"_Well, I hate to burst your bubble." Quinn said with a glare. "But things have been wrong for awhile." _

_She paused at her words. Fuck. She had promised that she would keep that to herself. She would survive high school and get out and no one would ever have to know what her father behind closed doors. She had just given Brittany more amunition. _

"_What do you mean?" Brittany asked with concern. _

"_None of your damn business," she huffed. "Where's your actual best friend? Shouldn't you be with her?" _

_Brittany shook her head in confusion. "Santana?" she asked. "She's still at the hospital with her sister." She saw a flash of Quinn's concern. "She's fine. She's in recovery. She just had a bad infection or something. I went and visited yesterday." She shook her head. "What's going on, Quinn?" _

"_Back off, Brittany," she snapped again. _

"_Quinn, come on talk to me, please," she said quietly. _

"_I can't and I wont," she said with a shake of her head. _

_She suddenly felt yet another surge in her stomach. She had already vomited twice already. She didn't need a third. She felt the bile in her throat and she sprinted to the restroom. _

_She emptied the barely there contents of her stomach. Fuck. She thought. She leaned against the side of the stall. Fuck. Fuck. She put her head in her hands. She couldn't help it; she couldn't stop them. She simply began to cry. _

_Suddenly she felt someone embrace her. She tried to push away. _

"_Shh," Brittany whispered. "We'll figure this out." _

_Quinn stopped fighting her but she didn't hug her back. She couldn't. She was just too tired. _

Quinn watched Brittany stare at her hands on the ground. She knelt down in front of the other blond.

"I love her, Quinn," she said simply. She looked up and met her eyes. "I can't imagine my life without her. You know? I just...There are some people in your life that you know are only there for a short period but... She isn't one of them. You know?" Quinn actually didn't know. Not at all. Brittany saw her hesitation. She shook her head and cracked a small smile. "You're the other one, Q. Despite what you may think, I picture us causing trouble for a very long time." Her smile faded and she wiped her tears. "I don't know if she can take this. And... I can't lose her." She looked at Quinn with a pleading look. "This will crush her."

"I won't let it," Quinn responded without hesitation, srprising even herself.

"I dont know what you know about her," Brittany began. "But I really don't know how to cope with this, to help her cope with this.. I know... I know that high school isn't everything, but right now, it is. She hasn't even told you guys yet."

Quinn frowned. "You guys?"

"Her family, dumbo," Brittany said with a hint of annoyance. "I'm going to kill Finn Hudson when I find him."

"Me too," Quinn growled.

She watched as Brittany returned to thoughtful silence. Finally the girl spoke again. "You know what it's like to feel exposed because people know something about you, a secret." Quinn frowned. How were they talking about her again? "I dont know how to take that pain away for her...I don't know how to escape for me..." She straightened. "I'm... freaking out. I'm scared. I'm so nervous I'm going to throw up, explode and punch someone at the same time. but I know I need her. I don't want to run from her. I want to …. I need to find her." She became silent again. "But I'm afraid... I know... that she's not looking for me." She looked at Quinn tearfully. "She's running from me instead."

Quinn stared at her. She had never thought of that. Never in her life has she considered the feelings of the people that had people run from them, not that she ever had anyone who wanted her not to run from her. Brittany looked up at her.

"I don't know what you think of us, Quinn, but I'm not ashamed and you need to know that."

What? she thought. Was that why Santana was avoiding her? She searched Brittany's eyes and watched them almost become defensive. She sighed. "That doesn't mean she doesn't love you too," Quinn said finally. She watched Brittany breathe a sigh of relief. Quinn went on. "Normal people, Britt, aren't as strong as you. Santana is a strong person and I'm sure that she needs you but her fear of how you'll react and everything else in her head took over. Hiding is safest." She looked at up at Quinn, soaking in her words. "But I don't think that she doesn't love you. It's the fact that she does that makes this all so hard."

Brittany looked at her for a moment. "You're okay with this. With us?"

Quinn nodded and looked at her hands. "I don't know anything about love and what if feels like," she said quietly. "But I know that what you and Santana have is real." She paused for a moment. "It's the only real thing that I've ever scene." She gave a small smirk. "I'm starting to realize I've known longer about you two than you guys have known about it."

Brittany gave her a small nod. "Maybe," she said quietly. "I'm just...I don't know what to do. I can't find her."

Quinn held out on her hand. "Let's go find her then." Brittany took it and they headed down the hallway.

…...

Puck ran through the hallway. Think, he coached himself. Where would she go? Where would she go where she wanted no one to find her? She wasn't Rachel she wouldn't be in a small space. She would be somewhere small. There's no way. He looked around and took a breath.

_Shit. Shit. Shit. He thought. This was the first and probably the only time that his mother would ever let him babysit the girls again. Ever. Crap. Crap. He would never earn money. He would have to take a job like cleaning pools or flipping burgers while wearing an ugly paper hat. He was months away from his sixteeth birthday. He needed the car. Losing his sister wouldn't be in his favor. Shit. Shit. Shit. He looked around. His mother said that she would only be two hours. on the dot. Two hours and still he managed to lose one of them. Rachel would have been the obvious choice to wander off. She was infamous for it and she was eight years old. However, for his thirteen year old sister to run for the hills. Really, San? Sometimes he believed that his sister was trying to sabotage him. He honestly did. He wasn't sure what her problem was. She just returned from cheer camp. Didn't they put happy pills in their food? _

_He peaked into Rachel's room. At least she was asleep and where she was supposed to be. Jesus, San, he thought to himself. _

_Suddenly he hear a thump above his head. He looked up. Santa? He shook his head. Santa is clearly not real. Reindeer and sleighs are too heavy; proven. He shook his head and thought for a moment. They had lived in this house, his mother's childhood home for almost three years. He had never been to the roof, let alone the attic. He thought for a moment. Where would he begin? How would he get there? Because that would be something stupid Santana would do. If you don't like small spaces, pick the biggest one you could find. He sighed and began to search. Where would she go... Because of her insanity before, she couldn't have gone out the windows... maybe there was a window int the attic or a hatch? This was such an old house there was even one of those mini elevator things for food, dumpweight or something. However, very soon after they move in, his mother blocked that off. _

_He opened every door upstairs. Nothing. Nada. He needed... He went back to his mother's master closet. It was large. There was a string hanging from the ceiling. He pulled it. Stairs fell from the ceiling. He walked up them slowly. _

"_Santana?" he hissed into the darkness. "Santana?" _

_He made his way to the top of the stairs. He was used to the mess that was his room, but other people's mess he didn't enjoy. The attic was dusty and full of boxes. He was sure many of them were his grandparents. There was a small light coming in at the end of the room. Low and behold there was a window. _

_He peaked out. _

"_Santana?" _

_There was his sister sitting. Sitting on the fucking roof. Her legs dangling on off the edge, swinging like she was just sitting on one of the bar stools in the kitchen. _

"_Jesus fucking Christ, he-whore!" she screamed. She put her hand on her heart. "Are you trying to kill me?" _

_She turned to face him. _

"_How the hell did you get out here?" he asked peeking out the window but still deciding if he was going out to get her. _

"_I asked the attic gnomes to drill me a window," Santana said with a roll of her eyes. "You're such an idiot." _

"_How did the alarm not go off?" he asked inching out of the window. _

"_I dont know, Noah," she said with a frustrated sigh. "The alarm fairy turned it off." _

_He sighed. "What are you doing out here? You freaked me out, you know." _

_She shrugged and turned back and looked at the neighborhood. "I just needed some space," she said quietly. _

"_I haven't been crowding you," he said with a thoughtful frown. _

"_I know," she said quietly. "But I still needed some space." She looked at him after a couple moments. "Did you need something from me? I know you didn't notice I wasn't with Rach until you went looking for me."_

_He looked at her guiltily. "Nevermind," he said. "It wasn't important." _

"_What is it?" she asked with a sigh. _

"_I just...Never mind." _

"_Noah," she said putting her head in her hands. "What did you want?" _

_He was now leaning his elbows on the sill. "I just needed help on some homework... but... It doesn't matter it's just summer school." _

"_I can help you," she replied. _

"_Nah," he said as he forced himself out the window depite his trepidation. He really didn't like climbing out window in high places... especially since New York. _

"_Noah, you don't-"_

"_Shut up," he muttered as he sat next to her. "This is fucking high." _

"_Yeah," she replied as she leaned against the roof. "Yeah, it is." _

He looked around the deserted hallways. There was no roof access to the school. Well... there was... but ever since the incident during Noah's freshman year when the senior class had a massive slushie battle that includded pummeling everyone who passed beneath them with slushies. The school board paid for a keypad, alarmed thing. Earlier some freshman thought they could sneak up to the roof and the whole school had to be evacuated. His sister was a lot of things, but Santana wasn't stupid.

What was the next highest place? What was a place where no one could find you but you still be high and far away from everyone below you. Where was that place? There was the courtyard outside...No, too open. Santana would want somewhere high...Someplace hidden, but open where would...

He stopped walking. Of course. Stupid.

…...

Santana lay there staring up at the ceiling. She didn't hear anything. She couldn't She knew she needed to stay silent, not to remain hidden, but to keep her thoughts at bay. She needed sielnce. She didn't want to think about it all. If she did, she would stop breathing all over again. She felt like a peanut that had been crushed up and and made into butter, spread on some little punk-puke face's sandwich and spit out. Her enitre world had changed and she felt like she was ground up into the soil. This had only happened at school. What if it were on television? She began to tear up at the idea. When her seventh grade teacher who hated her found out, would she laugh? She thought about everyone who had ever played a role in her life. What would they think? They would talk over coffee. Did you hear about Santana Corcoran? Would they be surprised? Would they expect something "like that" from her? Santana was well-aware of the stigma about gay men. She had a gay father. While his partner ended up being a life-destroying, sadistic bastard... she trailed off... She couldn't think about him...Her brow frowned even more...She just... No, she needed silence. She couldn't think about what happened. She couldn't think about who she had become. She couldn't think about who she was in that moment. She couldn't think about any of it. She wiped her tears. None. There was just be silence. That's all. Therefore, if she stared up at the ceiling and focused just on the ceiling, its every crack, its every detail. She would be fine, perfect even. Just perfect.

She suddenly felt the catwalk move. Someone else was up here with her. She shot up.

"Santana?"

"Jesus fucking Christ, he-whore!" she screamed. She put her hand on her heart. "Are you trying to kill me?"

She turned to face him.

"How the hell did you get up here?" he asked as he walked out to her.

"Same way you did, idiot," she spat. She rested her head in her hands. "Please leave me alone."

"Are you okay?"

"What do you think?" she asked with her head still down.

"San-"

"Go away," she whispered.

He walked toward her.

"I said leave me alone," she muttered a little more loudly.

He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. She collapsed into his chest but continued to try to push him away.

"Go away," she wept as she covered her face in his chest.

"You're alright," he whispered.

She stopped fighting him at that moment. She just gave in. She gave in because she didn't have any other choice. Yes, she was grateful that she had people, that she had arms to fall into and sob. However, that didn't make her feel any less alone. Then there was Brittany. She was a casualty on this crusade. She sobbed harder into her brother. Being outed wasn't something that they were doing together. Yes, happened to both of them, but it wasn't together. She knew that. She knew that Brittany had her own mind, her own feelings, and her own heartbreak. They may hold one another if Brittany was ready for that, but they would still be apart. They were shoved out of the closet, but it wasn't the same closet.

….

Shelby looked at Rachel from across the table in her office. She had been catching up on work and Rachel had been unsuccessfully pretending to read. She had so many questions, about all of her children. However, as she stared at her youngest over her computer screen, one seemed to echo the loudest: Who would Rachel be in ten years? Where would any of them be?

She took a deep breath. She honestly didn't know. She couldn't.

Her phone ringing interrupted her thoughts. "Shelby Corcoran?" she answered.

"Shelby, it's Elyse."

"Hi," Shelby greeted. "I'm almost finished with the Fitch report. I'll send you over my assessment in a few minutes."

"I was actually calling about Rachel," Elyse said. Shelby sighed into the phone. "I'm sorry to call you at work."

Shelby looked at her youngest who was gazing off at the table.

"I really can't talk about that topic right now," she said lowly.

"I promise this will be brief," Elyse said quickly. "I want to double check that you knew about Will Schuester, Rachel's voice teacher. She mentioned him yesterday during the session."

Shelby paused and frowned. "What?" She shook her head. She lowered the receiver and looked at Rachel. "Bug, can you please get me some coffee?"

"What?" Rachel asked coming out of her daze.

"Coffee?" Shelby requested again. "Pretty please?"

Rachel gave a small nod and stood up and left the room.

Shelby brought the receiver back to her ear. "We only have about five minutes, so make it quick."

"I was just reviewing my notes and she mentioned his name. And I wanted to make sure you were aware that he played a role in her life," Elyse said causally.

Shelby nodded into the phone. It was a formality. With cases like Rachel's, new names were usually mentioned to the parent or guardian. It was just a formality, she reminded herself.

"Yes," she said. "He's giving her voice lessons. He went to school with me and..." She trailed off.

"What?" Elyse asked.

Shelby shook her head. "People are really hesitant about him...and now that you bring it up..." She trailed off again.

"What is it?" Elyse asked.

"He was the one that brought up the offer," Shelby said more to herself thank anyone else.

"Really? Well what's the arrangement. What are you paying him and-"

Shelby frowned. "I'm not..." she muttered.

"What?" Elyse asked.

"I'm not paying him," Shelby said more loudly.

"It does sound suspicious, but it doesn't have to be," Elyse assured. "She doesn't go alone right?"

"No," Shelby said confidently. "She knows I wouldn't allow that."

"If you're concerned, Shelby, take the necessary precautions," Elyse said. "She didn't say anything alarming. Just that she takes lessons and that he was her only friend and..."

"What?" Shelby asked. "Kurt's her friend. The one she goes with."

"Well, talk with her about it," Elyse said. "She doesn't lie to you."

Shelby nodded. "She doesn't lie to anyone." But, she finished internally, she conceals the truth when she thinks that she's protecting people. She sighed. "Thank you. "I'll look into it."

"Alright," Elyse said. Again, it might not be a big deal. I don't want to plant a bad seed."

"I understand," Shelby said as Rachel walked back into the room. "We'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright. I look forward to the Fitch report," Elyse said with a clear smile in her voice.

"Yes," Shelby laughed. "Always entertaining. Reminds me that things can be worse."

Elyse laguhed on the other end before Shelby hung up. Shelby stood up and took the coffee from Rachel.

"Thank you, sweetie," she said gently. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Rachel looked at her with a frown.

"Okay," she said quietly.

"How are lessons going with Mr. Schuester and Kurt?"

Rachel looked at her carefully, but quickly said. "Fine."

"Really? Kurt still enjoying them?" she asked carefully.

"Yes, very much," Rachel said with a nod and a smile.

"Okay," Shelby nodded. "You would tell me, right? If anything was wrong with him?"

Rachel frowned. "What do you mean? With who? Kurt?"

"No," she paused. "With Mr. Schuester. Just if you ever felt uncomfortable with him," Shelby said not breaking her gaze with Rachel.

Rachel nodded slowly. "What is this about, Mom?"

"It's just really important to be cautious, Rachel," Shelby said. She took her daughter's hand and traced a pattern on the back of it. "Because I know that he's your friend but he's also a grown man that offered to give you guys private lessons for free. To protect him and yourself, it's important that we make sure that if anything seems weird at all you tell me. Okay?"

Rachel nodded. Weird? she thought. He wasn't being weird. It was just her. She looked at her mother who was still tracing the back of her hand, trying to calm her. She used to do that a lot when she was little.

"You need to be with Kurt the whole time you're there, Rach," Shelby said clearly. "If he's sick, you can't go. I don't want you alone with any adult, especially a male adult."

Rachel frowned. "Why?"

"Because, bug," Shelby said with a frown. "It's not safe. You're too young. It's inappropriate. Think about it this way. He may not hurt you, but on the off chance that you may take a touch wrong, it'll be he said she said. And I don't want that. It's not just for you but for him."

"Why would I take a touch wrong?" Rachel asked with a hint of frustration.

Shelby licked her lips and looked carefully at her daughter. She took a moment too long.

Rachel pushed her away. "Because of what happened you think I'm going to take him touching me casually in a wrong way?" She searched her mother's eyes frantically. "That's what you're saying?"

It didn't matter that Rachel heard a voice in the back of her mind that told that her mother was right. Or the fact every time Mr. Schuester tried to help her, she felt confused and hesitant. It didn't matter that her mother might be right about Rachel. What mattered was that her mother didn't believe she could handle it. That's what mattered because it hurt too much.

"Rachel," Shelby tried to reach her daughter. "That's not what I mean."

"That's exactly what you mean!" she yelled as tears started to pool in her eyes. "Don't you think I deserve anything normal?"

"Of course, I do, Rachel!" Shelby said. "Settle down!"

"Fine, not deserve but you don't think I'll ever get it, not ever! I will not settle down!" Rachel said in frustration. She shook her head and looked at her mother. Tears cascaded down her face. "I'm mad! I'm mad! Don't talk to me anymore. You will let me go to those lessons because you have ruined EVERYTHING else for me!"

Shelby looked at her in shock. "Rachel," she said quietly.

Rachel softened her gaze. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Rachel, I know that things feel like they're falling apart, but I took you out of there because it wasn't emotionally or physically safe for you and you need to understand that."

The girl paused for a moment looking down at her hands, trying to catch her breath.. "Please," she said finally. "I need something that's just mine. Something that makes me think that I'm special. Being a part of something special makes you special . . . right?"

Shelby watched her for a moment before answering. "You are special, Rachel."

"Not in a good way," she whispered.

"Okay," Shelby said quietly. "But the rules remain the same. You don't go alone. Ever."

Rachel looked up at her slowly. She looked into her mother's dark eyes, the same as hers. She took a deep breath.

"I promise."

…...

A sea of cheerios rounded the corner and practically ran over Brittany and Quinn. They all started to speak at once when they saw the two girls.

"SHUT UP!" A voice clearly belonging to a one Sue Sylvester rang out. She looked at Quinn as she made her way through the crowd. "Any luck-" She spotted Brittany. "Well clearly, you got half of the duo."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Yes, I found her."

"Where's Santana?" Sue asked turning to Brittany.

"I don't know," she said quietly.

Quinn surveyed the group of Cheerios. Most of them were all there. Only a handful were missing. She frowned what were they doing?

"They're here because I summoned them out of class to look," Sue said as if she read Quinn's mind.

"We're all pissed as hell," Kelly barked.

Dani squinted her eyes at Zoe Nichols and her lift partner Kaitlyn Morgan. "Some of us more than others."

"I don't see what the big deal is?" Zoe argued.

Sophia turned to her with her hands on her hips. "How would you feel if everyone knew a secret about your life?" She took a step forward. "Because that can be arranged."

"Down, grumpy-spice," Sue ordered.

"Let's keep looking," Maribel insisted.

"Who we should really be looking for is Richards," Kaitlyn pointed out.

"Why?" Sue said with a frown. "The girl gets lost in a paper bag. But she pays for your jackets..."

"Shit," Brittany mumbled as she remembered all of the conversations she had. Of course. She was such an idiot. She looked at Quinn. "She told Finn. She tried blackmailing me before..." She turned to Kaitlyn. "How do you know?"

"Because yesterday she said she had something that would bring you and Santana down. Granted it took me about five minutes to realize she was talking to me... but yeah..."

Sue looked at her. "Are you serious?"

Kaitlin nodded. "I swear."

Sue took a deep breath and then looked at the squad. "What's my rule about catfights?"

The group looked at her.

"Keep them clean, quiet and concealed," Kelly said.

"Exactly," Sue said. "You will all fight. It's inevitable. But we keep it to ourselves. No one likes dirty laundry. No one wants to see it. It doesn't matter what anyone tells you, life is about appearances, and congratulations: Richards ruined it. Now you need to understand I don't give a raccoon's left ball who any of you are off the field. I do not care! You don't have to like each other. But you will respect each other. If you can't be respectful on this team, you're off."

The group looked at her a rumbling murmur settled over them.

"Are you forcing us to accept Lesbians?" someone whispered in the back.

Quinn held in a growl and started toward the voice. Sue and Brittany stopped her.

"No," Sue said. "And I won't ignore who said that. I know exactly who you are. The world is full of millions of people. The world SUCKS. And I guarantee you that not ONE of those MILLIONS thinks the same way that you do. I demand respect on this squad. Again, you're not required to be friends. I don't care if you down right hate each other, but you are here to cheer. And if you want to go the rest of your life commanding your environment with only people that you APPROVE of. I wish you the best of luck. There are plenty of people that I hate in this world. There are plenty that I cannot STAND on this squad, but look at yourselves. You're all wearing a uniform. I demand respect. Nothing else. So if you can't figure out how to grow up and accept that the world doesn't revolve around you. TOUGH SHIT." She looked at the team. "Do I make myself clear? You're not friends. You're just a team. So act like it." She took a deep breath. "If you can't figure out how to suck up your opinions and work as a team you're welcome to leave. I'm not asking you to accept anything or change your moral freak-flaggin' compass. I'm challenging you to figure what's more important to you: Cheering for the best squad in Ohio or someone else's relationship that's NOT yours." She looked at the girls. "Your choice."

She turned and looked at Brittany and Quinn. Brittany gave her a grateful smile. Sue turned back to the squad. "I hate each and everyone one of you. I'll decide at the end of the day if I'm going to make you all re-try out for Cheerios. You're all irritating me. I need a laugh."

Brittany frowed her brow and looked at Quinn. "I think I know where she is," she whispered. "But they can't all be there when we find her."

Quinn nodded. She looked at the group. She needed to distract them. "Santana finds comfort in small spaces," she announces. "Check every nook and cranny."

Brittany shook her head slightly as she watched the Cheerios scatter. "You're such a good liar."

Quinn gave a tiny smirk at the irony. "I know," she whispered.

…...

Puck looked over at the clock beneath them on the wall of the auditorium.

"We've missed lunch," he said laying back down on the cat walk.

Suddenly something crummy hit him hard in the face. He picked it up. He smiled. "Cookie!" He inhaled one in the first bite. "Where did you get these?" he asked with his mouth fall.

"Bertha, the lunch lady let me steal them because I gave her my cigarettes," Santana said with a shrug.

"Give me another cookie and I'll pretend that you didn't say that," he said reaching his hand over his head. Santana's head was next to his. He didn't need to turn when he heard her grab another cookie. He gave a grunt. She hit him square in the nose with it.

He chewed it quietly. "Are you okay?"

"Shut up, Noah," she spat.

"No, I get to ask questions," he said. "You snotted all over my shirt. So at least one. Are you okay?"

"No," Santana said dryly. "Your quota is up."

"Santana-"

"Noah," she said with a sigh. "I like you being here. It feels like when we were kids but-"

"You never talked to me then either," he said quietly. "You know part of me was jealous of Rachel because I thought you talked to her... I realized quickly that you never did." He took a deep breath. "This never should have happened to you, Taz."

Santana tilted her head slightly and looked at her brother. He hadn't called her that in years. He continued to stare up at the ceiling.

"I don't know what to tell you," he said quietly. "I don't know how to make this better."

"You don't have to," she whispered. "Turning her head back up to the ceiling. That was never your job. Shit happens. It just... It just does...We both know that."

"It's always been my job," he said tightening his jaw. "I'm the big brother." he shook his head. "I could never..." He trailed off. Santana turned and looked at him. "I wanted to do right by you guys."

In that moment she didn't feel sixteen anymore. She felt like she was four years old and her big brother was sticking up for her.

"Noah," she said quietly.

"I'm going to break his face," he said nonchalantly.

"Well, I was going to do that," Santana said just as casually.

Noah laughed. "You never let me do anything for you."

She looked at him. "That fact that you want to is enough." She turned her head and looked back at the ceiling. "I just... I can't breathe. This all hurts so much. I didn't even...It's not about happily ever afters and being with the people you care about and love conquering all crap." She frowned. "The world is too complicated for that luxury. It's all the stuff besides that. You know? Loving is hard enough. Accepting and all that crap...and then …. I don't know... It's not the love I'm afraid of it's the relationship... It's the …..letting someone in." She rolled her eyes. "Oh... and all the other shit that goes along with having some idiot make posters about a secret you couldn't admit to youself. Other than that, I'm peachy."

"I know," he whispered. "But would you rather be alone?"

She shot him a look. "It's not that easy."

"I know..." he muttered again. "Maybe it could be though."

"It's not just the who-I-am crap and the free-to-be-you-and-me horse shit," Santana said quietly.

"Then what is it?"

She sighed. "Like I said. It's everything else." She stared up at the ceiling sadly. "It's all of it."

Suddenly the catwalk shook slightly. Someone was walking on it.

Santana shot up to a sitting position. She froze.

"Brittany."

"I've been looking all over for you," she said quietly not breaking her gaze.

Santana stood up practically stepping on her brother in the process. She never broke eye contact.

"I'm so sorry," Brittany whispered.

"Why are you sorry?" Santana said with a tearful laugh. "That limp dick outed us. Not you."

"But I knew what Whitney had on us," Brittany said quietly.

Santana frowned. "What?"

"She saw us in the locker room and she threatened to tell," the blonde said. "I'm so sorry..."

"You don't get to feel guilty," Santana whispered. "You did nothing wrong." She took a deep breath. She went to reach out and touch her, but then pulled back, unsure.

Brittany watched the hand fall back and pull away from her. "You can't do this. It's too much." The statements came out almost as questions.

"Brittany, I..." Santana started. "It's not that I don't want to."

"Then what is it?" Brittany asked.

Santana shrugged and shook her head. "It so hard to explain. I can't... I don't even..."

"I'm scared too. This is just as much about me as it is you," Brittany said.

"I know that," she said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"I don't know how to do this either," the blonde girl said. "I don't want to be another stereotype like on television, like that stupid station _Lifetime_-"

Santana laughed. "_Lifetime -_ Oxygen with low self-esteem."

Brittany smiled tearfully. "_Lifetime_ - where child stars go to die." She smiled slightly. "I don't know what to do with the rest of the world knowing...I'm still trying to figure out what to tell my family."

Santana nodded. "I know...Everybody here at school knows."

"I'm not ready to wear plaid or wave a rainbow flag either," Brittany said. "I just need to know where we stand...I know this is hard for you."

"What does that mean?"

"I know it's scary," Brittany said. "It's hard."

"For me though," Santana asked. "What do you mean for me?" She took a slight step back.

"Don't be all defensive," Brittany argued. "You know that it's hard for you. I mean that it's hard because you were called out. You're the one the announcement's about." She walked toward her. "I care about you and I will do anything for you. I will stand by your side if you say no to this, because you're still my best friend." Brittany looked at her feet. "I hate to put you on the spot but I need you to know that I have meant everything that I've said. I care about you more than words can describe and you're the first person I want to tell things to. I love you so much. I have for so long. I just want you. Please say you love me back. Please."

Santana looked at Brittany. She didn't answer right away. She soon realized her mistake as Brittany's eyes teared up in disappointment. "Of course, I love you," she said quickly. Brittany looked at her in surprise with a glimmer of hope. Santana went on. "I just don't know how to do it right."

Brittany looked at her with a small smile. "You won't ever have to worry about that."

"I think I do. I'm one hot mess, Brit, you don't know the beginning of it...I don't think you want to."

"Hey," Brittany said taking her hand, thankful that Santana didn't pull away. "It all sucks, but I want to do this with you."

"You can back out anytime," Santana whispered. "It's okay if you do."

Santana searched her eyes. She expected her to. She shook her head. No, she wanted her to, because then it would be easier not to feel so hurt. Then she would have been right about the illusion they call love.

"Maybe some days I'll want to," she said quietly. "I'm scared...I'm scared that on top of everything else you're going to be constantly questioning me..." She shook her head. "Running from me."

"Brittany..."

She went on. "But... I love you."

"I know, but love is rarely enough," Santana argued. What Brittany said before was true. It wasn't just a fear. It was true.

"That's why we have each other to fill in the rest of the gaps," she offered.

Santana gave a smile and shook her head. "You know that talking about this is much easier than living this."

She looked at Santana's hand. "I know."

They looked at each other in that moment. They knew that a new promise had been made. It didn't make things suck any less. However, it secured where the other stood. Santana searched her eyes and saw that hesitation, but also she saw the fear. The fear of rejection was something that not all hearts could recover from. Brittany always hoped that Santana would be something more and Santana couldn't help but feel that what she had to offer wasn't good enough. The brunette took that moment to reach out. She took her hand and gripped the back of Brittany's. She was scared; she was crumpling; she was alone. However, she knew if she was going to be alone, she would rather be with her; she would rather be alone together.

She looked up and smiled at the blonde. Her smile offered a small step to hope for something better not only from each other but from themselves. However, being alone together would seem like a walk in the park next to being together, while alone, in front of the world, far away from the sanctuary of the catwalk.

Santana finally asked. "How'd you find me?"

"Quinn and I have been looking all over and-"

"You and Quinn?" Santana asked. She searched Brittany's face. "Really?"

"Yeah," Brittany said. She nodded with an arch of her brow.

"Apparently she gave me this speech about how we were the only healthy relationship she'd seen before."

"You're kidding?" Santana looked around. "Where is she?"

"Downstairs waiting. She wanted to give us some room..." Brittany peaked around her shoulder and spotted the cookies. "Did you bribe Bertha for all those cookies again?"

"Noah and I were eating them," Santana said with a nod and a shrug.

Brittany looked around. "Where is he?" Suddenly something flashed in her eyes. She looked over the cat walk. Crap. Quinn was gone too.

"Fuck muffins," Brittany murmured. She looked at Santana. "We should go find them before they do something stupid. She started off the catwalk. She looked back when she realized that Santana wasn't following. "Come on. I'll cover you," she smiled. She held out her hand.

Santana took a deep breath. She chose to scold Brittany for quoting a musical later. She chewed her bottom lip. Her eyes filled with tears. She shook her head.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I can't."

Brittany ran to her. She cupped her face gently in her hands. "You can. You can do anything."

Santana laughed tearfully. "You don't know what I've done. Who I really am..."

The blonde kissed her softly. "But I will. And you know what? I'll still love you. I believe in you. More than you know." The brunette looked at her hesitantly. "I know that you want to stay up here and hide. However, I know that there is a side of you ready to fight. I promise you, we can hide later."

Santana cracked a smile. "This isn't easy."

Brittany nodded. "It won't be. You're right." She watched as the brunette shook her head and more tears fell. "You're incredible. You are brave. I don't know what you've been through. I don't know all that you're feeling about this. I feel alone and I'm sure you do too. Please. Be alone with me." She squeezed her hand.

Santana searched her eyes. How was it that since she had known this girl that she always knew what was in her head, even when she said she didn't.

Brittany took her hand. "Come on."

Santana bit her lip and took a step. "Okay."

…...

Quinn entered the auditorium behind Brittany. She heard voices. "Told you," Brittany whispered. "They're in the catwalk."

"Go on," she whispered. "I'll wait here."

Brittany looked at her for a moment. "Go, dumbo," Quinn whispered. She tried to push her slightly in that direction.

The other blonde laughed. "Hey." Brittany laughed. "I grew into my ears."

Quinn motioned to the catwalk. "Go get your girl."

The blonde smiled thankfully. Quinn watched as she disappeared up the steps. Finn did this. He did this. She heard the murmurs of the girls above them. Suddenly she felt a body slam into her.

"Hey!"

"Sorry," Noah murmured. "I need to find Whitney."

"No one can," Quinn scoffed.

"I know where she would hide," Noah said still walking toward the exit.

"I'm coming with you," she said following him.

"Really, Quinn, don't," he said as he went into the hallway. He grabbed one of the flyers. "This is me. She did this because of me. Because I broke up with her."

"You're an idiot," Quinn said.

"What?" he asked, slowly slightly.

"She did this because she hates Santana. Always has. You breaking up with her probably didn't help, but it wasn't the cause," Quinn spat as she continued down the hallway. She paused for a moment. "Where are we going?"

"To where she hides," Noah muttered.

"Where's that?"

Quinn followed Noah out to the courtyard outside. She arched a brow when she spotted Shitney emerging from behind the bleachers as if she was the sneakiest person since the Cheshire cat.

"BITCH!" she screamed.

Whitney jumped but then frowned when she saw it was just the two of them.

"What do you want?" she spat as she strut up to them.

"How could you do this?" Noah screamed holding up the flyer.

Whitney's frown faded. She grinned as she folded her arms. "Come on," she laughed. "I mean you aren't really surprised are you."

Noah screamed in frustration, causing Whitney to jump.

"You're a fucking bitch and I will make sure you pay for this," Quinn hissed.

"What are you going to do about it, Abraham?" Whitney asked with a smirk.

"Abraham?" Quinn asked with a frown.

"You're Santana's beard, aren't you? Abraham Lincoln had a beard." She deflated slightly.

"You do know that you're not cleaver if you have to explain yourself this much," Quinn explained.

Noah shook his head. He was shaking with fury. "Do you have any idea what this will do to her? To Brittany? She's my sister, Whitney!"

"You were my boyfriend!" she shouted.

"No, I wasn't!" he bellowed. "I just fucked you!"

Whitney didn't hesitate and slapped him across the face. Suddenly, she felt herself being pushed.

"Don't touch him," Quinn hissed.

"What are you, his new fuck buddy?" she spat.

"No!" Quinn said, trying her best not to flinch herself. "Listen to me and listen good. You are off the Cheerios."

"You can't do that!" Whitney screamed.

"Just did," Quinn spat. "You're nothing, Whitney!"

"Fuck you, Fabray! You can't kick me off!"

"I am CAPTAIN!" Quinn screamed.

She didn't seem to notice the group of Cheerios and others running out. Nor did she hear the bell ring releasing everyone for lunch. She just saw Shitney. She saw the person that brought down the only family she knew. She took a step forward.

"Get out of here before I kick you out," she threatened.

"Leave, Whitney," Noah said. "I don't hit women, but I sure as hell want to smack you into next week. I'm glad I never loved you." He smiled triumphantly as her face fell. "I never even tried."

"Noah," she croaked. She looked angrily at him after a second. "You're a coward, Puck! A fucking-"

Whitney never finished her sentence. She never finished it because Quinn Fabray punched her straight in the nose.

"You bitch!" Whitney screamed falling to the ground holding her face.

"No, pretty sure that's you," Kelly scolded coming to Quinn's side. She raised her hand and snapped. "Ice someone get me ice." Whitney looked up at her hopefully. "Not for you. For Quinn's hand."

"He's anything but a coward," Quinn bit as she stood over the screaming Cheerio. She didn't see Noah looking at her in surprise. "You're the coward."

"What the fuck, Quinn?" Finn yelled parting through the crowd. He knelt down next to Whitney who was sobbing like a blubbering cow. Finn barely had time to comfort the girl because his entire hulking frame went crashing into the ground.

"You fucking piece of shit! How could you do that!" Noah screamed tackling Finn to the ground. "She's my sister!" He punched him in the face repeatedly as he sat on top of him. "She doesn't need this! You fucking bastard shit!"

"I'm not a bastard!" Finn screamed trying to push Noah down but failing.

"Noah! Noah!" Santana yelled. The crowds practically parted for her. "Get off of him!"

The boy rolled off of the ape and continued to kneel on the ground panting.

Finn stood rockily holding his bloody face. "Well isn't it that ladies of the hour," he chuckled.

"You son of a bitch!" Mike suddenly yelled out of no where tackling Finn down again.

"Jesus," Kelly muttered. "This is getting messy." She raised her arm again. "We need more ice please. Hot Asian will need it." A few Cheerios scattered in search of ice.

Sam ran into the crowd and pulled Mike off.

Finn frowned holding his already swollen jaw and managed to sway to stand again. "Fuck! That fucking hurts!"

Santana walked up to him. She shook her head as she frowned with anger and disbelief. "I..." She stared at him. She wanted to say that she hated him. That she hoped his penis would shrivel and fall off. However, the only she could find the strength to do was lean back and slap him across the face. The echo sounded around the courtyard.

"You are beneath me," she spat. "I meant every word that I said to you. You will be stuck here fore the rest of your miserable life excelling in what you do best: Being a deadbeat loser. You are a miserable piece of man."

"Like you would know what a real man looks like," someone shouted from the crowd.

"Fuck off, Charles!" Sophia screamed.

Santana turned back to Finn. "I'm going to say this once. But I hope when someone in your life, someone you care about, comes out that you act like a better human being than you are acting now. Right now you are miserable." She sucked back her tears. "I hate for that and I hope someday that you pull your head out of your ass. I hope you don't end up alone but you're about as sexy as a Cabbage Patch Kid. It's exhausting to look at you. So that may be hopeless." Santana shook her head. "You know what you look like you're trying to poop so clearly you're not listening. So listen to this." Before anyone could stop her she reached up and grabbed his shoulders and kicked Finn Hudson in the balls.

"LEAPING LIZARD!" he screamed in agony. "BITCH"

He rolled on the ground.

"I wish you, your hand, and your tiny, tiny dick all the happiness in the world. Blessings," Santana hissed.

"Take your whore and get out of here, Finn," Quinn spat looking at the boy and the bloody sobbing girl. "You're nothing."

"Look who's talking," Finn spat managing to stand. Santana turned and started to lunge at the boy. She knew that Finn and Quinn had a history. She wasn't going to let him bring her down too. She swung out at him but Brittany stopped her. The oaf went on. "Don't preach to me, Quinn. This trash thinks they know you -" Brittany held Santana tighter as she went to toward the giant boy.

"Let me go! I will beat you into next week! I'll show you trash." Santana was practically foaming at the mouth. She went from no words to too many.

"Santana," Brittany attempted.

Sam was having similar luck holding Puck back. Thankfully Mike had joined the fold, but still they were barely holding the boy back. Puck was ready to explode. He must know about Russell. HE couldn't announce that at school. Puck wouldn't allow it "Hudson, I'll break your arms and legs! Fucking-"

Quinn didn't hear the rest of the profanities. She stared at Finn. She saw his anger. She saw that it was now just him and her. She couldn't feel the dull ache in her hand from breaking shit-me-a-river's nose. Now, all she saw was him.

"Don't act like you're some fucking good person, Quinn! We all know better!" Finn screamed. He still cowered slightly as he ranted, holding one hand to the side of his face. He reminded Quinn of Quasimodo. "You and I both know what you did."

"Shut up, Finn," she hissed; her voice was barely audible.

"I've kept this fucking secret for so long," he hissed. "It's not like you have any dignity left."

"Big word for you, Hudson, do you need me to CASTRATE it for you?" Brittany barked still holding Santana.

Finn looked at Brittany but then glared back at Quinn. He grinning in realization. "No one knows."

"Shut up, Hudson, or I will cut you like melted cheese, spread you on toast and burn you!" Brittany screamed again.

The brunette stopped struggling in the girl's arms. They were talking about something that Santana didn't know and she hated not knowing. Brittany didn't know about Russell. What were they talking about?

"What the hell is going on?" Santana asked.

Finn was still staring at Quinn as if he had already won. "I would say that you and your dyke friends get out of here."

"You bitch!" Quinn screamed lunging toward him surprising everyone. She clipped his jaw and just as he looked up to fire back she hit him with a left hook.

Both Santana and Puck paused and stopped struggling in awe. "Shit," Santana mumbled.

"Don't you dare," she yelled pushing the overgrown boy to the ground. "Don't you dare reduce them to those vicious names. You're nothing, Finn. You just want to bring everyone down to your pathetic level when you will be stuck here doing nothing but licking grease from your stepfather's garage drains."

"Fuck you, Fabray!" he screamed. "I mean are you even a Fabray anymore. I'm sure you won't be after everyone finds out what you did!"

"Don't you dare!" Santana flared as she launched again at him only to be held back. He was not going to announce that at school. However, Sam and Mike weren't as fast as Brittany. Puck fired from the side and threw the tall boy to the ground. He punched the boy repeatedly.

"That is not your story to tell! That is none of your damn business!" His punches punctuated his statements. Mike and Sam managed to pull him off of the wailing, wounded dinosaur.

"What the fuck, man!" Finn whined as he managed to stand. "Of course, it's my story to tell. It was my FUCKING KID!"

Santana froze. "Oh my god," she muttered.

She wasn't the only one. The now hundreds of students froze. Everything was silent. Just as the murmurs began the beanstalk stood up.

Finn turned to Quinn. "You don't get to yell at me. You don't get to do anything!" He pointed at her. "You are in debt to me! You killed our kid!"

"Fuck you!" Brittany screamed as she ran and jumped onto Finn's back. Once one arm was wrapped around the front of Finn's neck, she used the other arm to tighten her fist and begin ramming it into the boy's face. However, she didn't have the vigor behind a punch instead she was basically hammering her fist his head. "Fuck you, Finn!"

Santana stared at Quinn. She watched the girl stare at the ground. The brunette could see that she wasn't there. She was in the web of her own guilt. She was lost.

Santana steeled her jaw. She didn't see Brittany or her brother or her friends harassing Finn. All she saw was Finn. "Stop!" she screamed. She marched up to the boy and grabbed his collar.

"Santana Corcoran!" Sue Slyvester scolded. "What in all things golden is going on?"

Santana didn't hear her. She grabbed Finn's collar and pulled it close so that he was at her left. "She was never in debt to you scum. Not now. Not ever. And I will make you pay for even thinking that!"

"Corcoran, stop!" Sue hissed as she gently pulled the girl away. Sue began to berate everyone present but Santana's gaze fell on Quinn who had now fallen to the ground. Her steeled jaw loosened. She watched Quinn carefully. Her eyes were hallow and distant. Santana's jaw dropped on instinct. She walked over to the girl and knelt in front of her. She took Quinn's hand in hers and then with her other hand she lifted Quinn's chin so that her eyes met hers. She let out a quiet sob at the truth that was saturating those hazel eyes that looked back at her. She shook her head softly; she didn't want it to be true. Quinn didn't deserve this; no one did. The emotion that seemed to explode from her was met with a muted ache that radiated from the blond girl.

Maybe she should say something, do something, tell Santana, but she couldn't. All Quinn could do was look back at her.

Santana searched the girl's eyes. Quinn stared back with a hollow look, as if she was retreating to the last safe place she knew.

However, she wasn't in that place for long. She could never escape for long. Santana pulled her from that place and back to reality with one terrible question.

"It wasn't his, was it?" Santana asked barely above a whisper, only loud enough for Quinn to hear.

Quinn continued to stare at her. While her gaze was unwavering, her insides had turned to must. Still though, all she could do was stare. That's all she could do because words seemed so insignificant to all of the emotions she was feeling. Santana instinctively pulled her into a hug, but Quinn couldn't hug back. All she could do was stare. She could only stare because if she blinked it would be true. Every secret and every darkness that she felt about herself that she could barely even utter in her mind would be out in the open; if she blinked it would all be true; if she blinked she would be kneeling next to her former enemy, now practically sister, in the rubble of all of her truth's carnage.

…...

Shelby was furious. She was called and told there was a fight at school. One with blood. Lots of blood and her children. All three of them were the cause of it. She took Rachel's hand and practically sprinted toward the entrance of McKinley trying to wrap her brain around all of this. She frowned when she saw Finn Hudson and Whitney in the back of the ambulance. She quickened her pace. She couldn't. She couldn't. She just couldn't. She felt Rachel's hand slip out of hers as she stomped down the hallway. What in God's name were they thinking? Were any of them thinking?

"Rachel, come on," she said with frustration when she didn't hear her daughter's steps behind her.

"Mom?" Rachel asked.

"What?" Shelby asked. "We don't have time for -"

She turned and saw her youngest stare at one of the flyers from the floor. There were hundreds and still somehow Shelby didn't notice them before. Shelby paused and picked one up.

"Oh my god," she muttered. She shook her head in disbelief. Her daughter was outed at school. With flyers. She gave Rachel a weak smile. She held out her hand. Her children weren't the only one's now out for blood.

Rachel took her hand and let herself be led down the hallway. The noise got progressively louder.

"Sue!" Shelby called.

"They're all in the gym," Sue pointed over a crowd of about thirty students arguing outside Figgins office.

Shelby weaved her way through the crowd. She was sure to hug Rachel tighter to her body so that the girl didn't get lost. Finally she spotted the four. Santana was holding Quinn's hand and Brittany's. Both of Quinn's hands were bloody as were one of Santana's and one's of Noah's and one of Brittany's.

"Are you alright?" Shelby finally asked.

"No," Santana muttered.

They all looked so defeated.

Shelby sighed. "Look at me, guys," she said. They four teens looked up hesitantly. "I'll take care of this." She said fiercely. "You hear me?" They all nodded quietly. "Okay." She took a deep breath. "Rachel, stay with them please."

Rachel nodded and immediately hugged Santana. As the older girl let the younger one fall into her arms, Shelby bent down and kissed Santana softly on the cheek. Santana paused and stared in horror at the flyer in her mother's hand. Her mother knew. Rachel's hand that was near her ear held one too. Santana sobbed. This was not how she wanted her family to find out.

"I love you so much," Shelby whispered.

Santana nodded tearfully as she held Rachel closer. Shelby stood and squeezed Quinn's hand whose gaze returned down trained to the floor.

"Hey," Shelby whispered. "I love you too. So so much."

Quinn didn't look up at her. She just nodded. Shelby wondered in that moment what else had happened. She kissed Quinn softly on the head and then shifted to Noah.

"You alright?" she asked quietly.

"Whatever," he whispered. "And I love you too. Now go and fix this so we can leave."

Shelby smirked. "Alright, tough guy." She smiled at the kids once more. "I'm going to fix this."

She walked back into the crowded hallway and spotted Valerie. She made her way over. Valerie held up a flyer. "I see we have a problem."

Shelby nodded. "We certainly do."

"No, you certainly do," Carol Hudson-Hummel frowned. "Your son practically broke Finn's jaw straight off."

Shelby narrowed her eyes. and threw the flyer at the other mother. "Well, your son outed my daughter."

Carol looked at the flyer in surprised. "He wouldn't!" she screeched.

"Would and did," Sue interjected holding out a small tap recorder. "Care for a listen."

"Sue!" Principal Figgins scolded. "Let me handle this. You and Coach Beiste are needed in the gym. The crowds are getting a little too jungle like in there."

Sue gave Shelby the tape recorder and left toward the gym. "Come in, please."

The parents all scowled at each other. Shelby recognized Whitney's father right away. She looked around the room. Parents of Whitney, Finn, Brittany, Mike and Sam were present. She frowned Judy never would have shown up for this. She straightened. She was Quinn's parent as much as Noah's and Santana's. And she was ready to raise hell.

…...

Rachel leaned into Santana and held Quinn's hand quietly as they watched the sea of students in the gym. Apparently another fight had broken out about something else. The number of students being held just kept climbing. Rachel looked around frantically.

"Shh," Santana whispered in her ear and pulling her closer to her. "You're okay."

Rachel shifted and looked at her and then over at Brittany. "I'm sorry we don't live in a world where this isn't accepted as acceptable."

Brittany looked at her tearfully. "Me too, Rach," she said.

Rachel leaned her head on Santana's shoulder. Santana looked down at her in surprise. Her sister was so profound it surprised her on an everyday basis. "Thanks, bug," she said into her ear and kissing her temple.

The tiny brunette reached out and put her hand on Quinn's arm. "Are you okay?"

Before Quinn could answer, the doors to the gym opened. Another group of about fifty students came in.

"I don't know why we're here!" Ruth Marks screamed. "Protesting is a right! We had every right to voice our opinions."

"You were not protesting!" Mr. Jordan argued. "You were questioning everyone's sexual orientation as they tried to enter the cafeteria. And if they refused to answer you told them they were going to hell so there was no point in eating. BLEACHERS NOW!"

Santana felt Rachel move into her. She followed her gaze at the group known Christ Crusaders. They were terribly obnoxious. Last year they demanded that the school change the mascot from the Titans to the Angels. It didn't go through. They made everyone's lives miserable. This wasn't going to go well.

"How does it feel to have blood on your hands?" someone spat from from the crowd.

Santana frowned. She looked at Brittany and Quinn. "I am not in the mood."

"Christ Crusaders," Kelly groaned. Most of the Cheerios were gathered around them. They were accomplices, Figgins had told them. They were to stay put until he could sort out their punishments.

"Jesus," Brittany moaned in frustration.

"It feels good," Santana spat to the crusader that asked the first question. "Want me to add some of yours to my hands too."

"Santana," Quinn hissed motioning at Rachel. The older girl backed down. Santana looked over and Quinn was looking at Rachel who was looking at the girl.

"No, thank you. You're impure. Don't touch me," the girl sneered.

"You do know Harry Potter isn't real, right?" Quinn hissed. "Just go away, Ruth."

Quinn then tilted her head and looked at Ruth, the leader of this little "God Squad." "Wait a minute."

"What is it, now, Quinn? Everyone knows now that you had an abortion thanks to Finn," Ruth said with a laugh. You're just as impure."

"Brittany, stay with Rachel," Quinn said. She looked at Santana. The girl stood, following her lead.

"Who is this Quinn?" Santana asked as she looked at the blonde as she stepped closer to Ruth and the rest of the Crusaders.

"This is Ruth Marks, San. Ring a bell?"

Santana's eyes flared. Marks. Of course. "You bitch! Your sister made my sister's life hell," she scolded and then regretted hoping that the gym noise drowned her out.

"Wait," Ruth laughed. She looked around the girls at Rachel. Santana followed her and saw that Brittany was trying to talk to her, to distract her. However, she couldn't hear what they were saying because of the distance. She turned back to Ruth who had a pleasant scowl on her face. "That's Beaker? That's right," the girl laughed. "My sister told me all about you and your trash family," she said taking another threatening step toward the girls. "Trash."

Santana saw nothing but red.

"Take it back!" she bit as she pushed the girl back.

"Don't touch me! I'll catch all the diseases that you have!" Ruth brushed off all her shoulders. "You're kidding me," Ruth laughed again. "You're going to burn in hell. You and your dyke girlfriend. I'm glad you were outed! Maybe someone can cure you."

Quinn and Santana launched at her but were held back. Noah held them around the middle. "What's going on?" Noah asked.

"This bitch is the sister of the one that gave Rachel a hard time," Santana hissed.

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Ruth, before I do it for you," Quinn spat.

Cheerios began to close in behind them. Other groups also surrounded them. Bickering was all around. Everyone was screaming at each other. "She said what?" one asked. "None of your damn business!" another replied. A push. A shove and the chaos was just beginning.

"Get moving, Marks," Noah hissed.

"Talking to my girl, Corcoran," Clyde Fabian asked coming up behind Ruth and the Crusaders with members of the hockey team.

"He's was simply telling your Jesus-jacking freakos to back off," Mike interjected coming behind Noah.

"What the hell is going on here!" Beiste asked but was unable to get an answer.

"Nevermind. I'm better than you all. I know all about you," Ruth laughed. "About your family. Google is very informative. Too bad my sister didn't go through with what she's was going to do." Ruth tilted her head and made eye contact with Rachel. Santana pushed her to look back at her. She was thankful that the tiny brunette was yards back from them and couldn't hear anything. She herself could barely hear a word. Then that bitch spoke and what she said was the last straw to one of the worst days of her life. Ruth grinned. "Sodomy is truly a sin and your sister is dirtier than trash."

Quinn and Santana lunged. There was no going back. "You bitch!" The two lead Cheerios tackled the girl the ground with all their might. Ruth landed with a thud. Screams and punches went flying. Everything became a blur.

Sue couldn't make it through the crowd. Who was she kidding? There were over 200 students in gym and almost all of them were fighting or cheering on a fight. She looked and most of the Cheerios were fighting the Christ Crusaders. The football team was fighting the hockey team. She looked over at Beiste. "Call the police! We need back up!"

…...

Rachel watched Ruth Marks watch her carefully. She knew exactly who that girl was. She was terribly mean and unkind. She felt the girl's glares but the chaos still screamed around her. The sea of students seem to be closing in. She felt her heart beat pick up. There were too many people in here. She looked over and watched one boy in a Varsity jacket punch a boy with a camera and a big Afro to the ground. She looked to her right and saw a pair of Cheerios yanking each other's hair out. It was practically a war zone.

"Rachel!"

Brittany suddenly was kneeling in front of her. She looked at her with a frown.

"Go find your mom."

Rachel looked up frantically in the cluster of people. Where were they?

"Rachel," Brittany said shaking her slightly. Rachel looked at her with wide eyes. "Go!"

A scream broke out . "You bitch!" she knew that it was Santana. She looked up and went to move toward her sister.

"No," Brittany said. "Rachel, go find your mom." Rachel looked up at the normally gentle blonde. "Go," she urged. She caught a flash of Quinn rolling on the floor on top of Ruth yanking her hair and screaming. She saw her brother raising a boy with a Jesus is my Homeboy t-shirt on in the air and screaming. Finally she saw Santana lean back and hit Ruth in the face. Then as soon as she saw them, they were gone amongst the sea of chaos.

"Brittany," she called. She looked around frantically. Why were high schoolers so big? Rachel tried to spot her siblings. She couldn't see any of them anymore. She turned to look for Brittany but Brittany was now gone. She felt her heart racing. Someone pushed her and she fell back. She pushed herself into a standing position. She just needed to get out of here. She couldn't breathe. Therefore, she ran.

…...

"I …. I ….I can't believe he did this," Carol whispered.

"Well, he did," Shelby spat.

"That doesn't mean your son had the right to break his jaw!" Carol scolded.

"We cannot tolerate any physical violence, Mrs. Corcoran and Mrs. Pierce. Miss Pierce, Mr. Corcoran, Miss Corcoran and Miss Fabray are suspended for a week," Principal Figgins said carefully. "All work has to be made up during that week. They are not allowed on school grounds until after that week."

"Figgins!" Valerie hissed. "These kids were sticking up for themselves!"

"Let me finish," he said. "I will not allow this school to be one that accept hate crimes. What Mr. Hudson and Miss Richards did was not only inappropriate, cruel and out of line, but unquestionably unacceptable. I am requiring them to go through sensitivity training and issue a public apology to the students of this school. Furthermore Coach Beiste and Coach Sylvester have informed me they no longer want Mr. Hudson or Miss Richards on the football team and Cheerios, respectively.–''

Shelby grinning in satisfaction. She hadn't even had to argue.

"My son is depending on that scholarship," Carol argued.

"Your son is off the team," he said simply. "Finally, they're suspended for the next two weeks-"

"Principal Figgins!" the secretary screamed rushing in. "The students have gone mad! There are now over forty fights in the gym-"

The small Indian man shot Mr. Richard and Carol look. "Make that three weeks!" he said standing up. "Your children turned my school into a war zone!" He stood up. "Get me my megahorn!"

They all followed the principal out to the gym. It was chaos. Teachers and now police were trying to separate all the kids. She spotted her children immediately rolling around with some girl. She somehow easily pried Quinn and Santana off with the help of Noah whom she grabbed off of a boy on the way in. Santana fought in her mother's arms back toward Ruth. She leaned back and spit on the girl.

"Who's dirty now, bitch?" Santana hissed.

"Santana!" Shelby screamed in disbelief.

It was at that moment that she realized the person holding her was her mother. Shit, she thought.

A loud beep when off and the entire gym froze as they covered their ears. "Attention! Attention!" Principal Figgins announced. "SIT DOWN!" He turned to his side and that's when Shelby noticed Bear standing there. He took the mega phone from the man.

"Everyone sit down!" Bear said more forcefully. "Where you are sit down!" Slowly but surely everyone took a seat. "I'm Chief Carlson. You will listen up. This is out of control! My officers are coming down and taking each and everyone of your names. Do not lie! I will know. You will be written up. Consider yourself warned by the Lima Police Department. This behavior stops now!"

The sea of people that became the gymnasium was practically unmanageable. Shelby looked at the kids. They slowly retreated. She barely had time to sit down before they were called.

"Corcorans, Pierce, Fabray." Shelby watched the four of them stand.

"Dykes!" A Crusader hissed.

"Fuck you!" A cheerio screamed

"Trash!"

"I'll give you trash, you little bitch!" a football player screamed.

"I DEMAND SILENCE!" Bear screamed. "You!" He pointed to the Crusader that called out first. "Here now!" He pointed to the Cheerio. "You here, now!" He brought all of them one by one to them. "Speak and you will see me."

"You're just doing that because you're related. You believe in their heinously sinful deeds," Ruth spat.

"YOU!" Bear shouted. "Here! Now!"

Shelby shook her head as the gym doors closed behind them. She froze. Noah. Quinn. Santana. Brittany. "Where's Rachel?"

The three of them looked at Brittany. "I sent her to you," she said quietly.

Shelby felt a wave of panic. She went back to the gym and scanned the crowd. Her brother-in-law was screaming at the kids about respect for each other.

"Lawrence!" she hissed. He turned.

"You think about what I just said!" he shouted. He walked to Shelby.

"Rachel's gone."

Gus walked up to him. "Go," he said. "I'll take care of this."

Bear put his hand on Shelby's arm. "She's fine. She's just scared and hiding somewhere. I'll find her." Shelby nodded frantically. "Go take care of the others."

Shelby turned and the kids were arguing.

"Did she hear?" Santana asked carefully. "Did she hear?"

"Hear what?" Shelby asked walking up to them.

Brittany shook her head. "I'm so sorry. I just wanted to get her out of there. It was too much for her and -"

"It's alright," Shelby assured. "Hear what?" The girls all exchanged looks. Noah stared at the ceiling. "Hear what?" She frowned. "Who was the girl you spit on in there Santana?"

The brunette steeled her gaze. "She called Rachel trash, Mom. That was Ruth Marks. She told me that 'Sodomy is truly a sin and your sister is dirtier than trash.'" Shelby's jaw dropped. Since when did she send her children to such a terrible school.

She held up her hands. "You don't think Rachel heard that. Please tell me she didn't. Does she know who that girl was?"

They shrugged.

"Mom, did Jeanie tell Rachel that before?"

Shelby looked at the kids. "In so many words. I believe so." She took a deep breath. "Bear will find her. We need to get to the car and -"

"Mrs. Corcoran," Principal Figgins said. "Your children -"

"Have been wronged," Shelby interrupted. "While I am disappointed in the violence, I am appalled by the school you're running here. What the hell are you thinking? You have cultivated such a spirit breaking environment that you should should truly question your role as an educator! While I understand the necessity to suspend them, I expect a full and detailed letter to every college they apply to that explains the reasoning behind it. I also demand a transcript of Mr. Hudson's speech be attached. This is outrageous! And you WILL be hearing from my lawyer."

"I understand your frustration, Mrs. Corcoran-"

"I'm quite certain you do not," she spat. She handed Noah her keys. "Go to the car. I'm going to look for Rachel. We are done here, Principal."

"Mom, we can help," Santana interjected.

"I know you can, San," Shelby said gently, "but I need to know that the three of you are in the Range Rover waiting for me." She glanced over at Brittany and took both their hands. "I know that this has been a terrible day." They looked at each other for a moment. "But I love you both. I hope you know that." They nodded. She took a deep breath. "Straight to the car."

Valerie rounded the corner. "Brit!"

Santana looked at the blonde girl. "Bye," she whispered. Brittany nodded. She wanted to kiss her. She wanted to hug her, but in that moment when everyone was splattered on the wall. She didn't know how.

"Bye."

"Straight to the car," Shelby said more forcefully as she ran in the direction that Bear went.

She caught up to him. "Bear! Bear!"

"Shelby, I'll find her, okay."

"I know this is mess. This is all a big fat mess. Where could she be?' Shelby felt a wave of tears. Everything with Quinn. Then now with Santana. Of course the fates would allow Rachel to run off. Of course.

"She's scared. She probably can't breathe. Where is she? What if she needs her neb and-"

"Shelby!" Bear scolded. "You're not helping me right now. Take the kids home. I will find her. I will bring her home. She'll be okay. But you, here, freaking out is not helping. Please. Take the kids home and breathe."

Shelby nodded shakily. "Home."

Parents were already trickling in. The hallways were thinning. Classrooms were empty. Shelby nodded. She would just drive the kids home. Things would be fine. She walked out to the parking lot and was thankful that the kids had actually done what they were asked to do. Things were going to be fine. They had to be, she thought as she climbed in.

She picked up her phone and dialed one of the most reliable numbers.

"Hello?"

"Jo?"

Shelby stepped out of the car and away. She explained the situation as quickly as she could. Santana. Fights. Something in Quinn's eyes that told her something was said. Rachel missing. She was panicking. "I need you to come here. I need you here now. I need to help Bear. She could be in a locker for all I know. We need to search. She -"

"Shelby!" Joey screamed. "He will take care of her. He will find her. You need to relax and not distract him. Look around you. How many more cars are there?" Shelby noticed for the first time that the parking lot was almost empty. Cars and buses were pulling up and bringing the kids away from the school. "They're almost finished in there. Then the whole squad can help look. They don't need the mother and the family freaking out. Get in your car and go home. I will meet you there."

"Joey, she-"

"Get in the car," Joey instructed. "I'll see you in fifteen minutes. You better be at the house when I get there."

With that Joey hung up. Shelby took a breath. Get in the car. Go home. Everything will be fine.

…...

Rachel breathed deeply. She was so tired. She had been scared before. She ran to the quietest place she could find: a side closet and just sat there. She had been trying to catch her breath. She just wanted to go home. She turned the handle slowly. Everything was silent. When had everything become silent? She looked down the hallway. No one. Oh no, she thought. She went quicker down the hallway. No one. She turned around another corner no one. This school was so damn big. She didn't know how to get out and there was no one here and-

"Rachel?"

She turned around and there was a girl with glasses and a ninety's bobcut walking away from her. She looked up at the voice.

"Hi Mr. Schuester."

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I need to find my mom," she said quietly.

"Everyone's left, Rachel," he said gently.

Her eyes pooled with tears. "What?"

"Yeah, everyone cleared out." He sighed. "Come into my office for a second. I can take you home."

Rachel shook her head. "Can't I just call my mom?"

"Nah," he said grabbing his coat and briefcase. "I'll just take you home. Remember you don't want to make a scene Rachel. Scenes can get your mom in trouble."

She frowned as she followed him out to a parking lot she had never been to. The teacher's parking lot?

She looked around. There were no cars here. They had left her. They had actually left her.

He walked over to the passenger side of his car. "Don't worry about it. It'll be fun. You'll be home in no time." Rachel frowned. "Get in."

"You'll take me straight home?" she asked.

"Where else would I take you?" he laughed. "Get in," he said with a smile.

She bit her lip and climbed into the car. Will grinned and walked to his side of the car. He threw his briefcase into the back of the car and began to climb in.

"What are you doing?"

Will looked up and there was Lawrence "Bear" Carlson was glaring at him. Rachel spotted him and hopped out of the car.

"He was going to bring me home," she said. Bear knelt down and pulled Rachel into a hug. He glared over her shoulder at Will.

"Glad you came," he smirked. "I would have been happy to take her home."

"Don't ever be alone with her," Bear said calmly. "Come on, Rachel. Your mom is worried sick about you." He leaned closely to Will. "I will be talking with you later."

"Sure thing," Will said with a shrug. "Anything I can do to help!"

Rachel took her uncle's hand and went back into the school. It was just a ride home. He had been right. Where else would he have taken her?

…...

Santana felt terrible. Terrible didn't even come close to describing it. On top of everything, amidst the chaos and crazy, Rachel had gotten scared and was now missing. No one knew where she was. And again that was because of her.

Her mother's phone went off. The ringing on the bluetooth echoed on the stereo. She watched her mother ignore the bluetooth and just pick of her phone as if it were her last lifeline and pull the car over on the side of the road, effectively pissing off the person behind them. Her mother had been on edge. She had been gripping onto the steering wheel as if it had the answers. She could see the unshed tears in her mother's eyes. Again, she had played the staring role in causing those tears.

"Bear, hi, did you find her?" She asked frantically. Santana knew she could breath again when her mother's body instantly relaxed. "Oh thank god... Okay. Where was she?..." Santana frowned as her mother frowned. "What... He was what? …..." Santana tensed. "What do you mean?..." Shelby sighed and put her head in her hand. "I'm sure he was just trying to help... I know...I'm not going to argue with this right now. Just get her home please... Yes...Okay...Alright, see you soon...Can I speak with her really quickly?" Shelby paused and Santana watched a tiny smile cross her face. "Rach? Do you have any idea how much you scared me?...I know, bug. Don't cry...I know you were scared... We'll talk about this more later, but I love you very much...Okay...Alright, give me back to your uncle..." Shelby sighed. "Thanks, Bear...I know... Okay... See you soon. Alright, bye."

**Let me know what you think. **


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

amandaes417 – I don't care how long it takes you to review – the most important thing is that you did review and I am very grateful for that. Finn a complete jerk and I was glad they beat him up too. I would never end it on a cliff hanger like that so don't worry. Thanks again for reviewing my story, Always appreciated.

GleeLovex3 – I am so happy that you found my story. I have no words for your kind words in describing my writing. Quinn is such a fun character to write, she has been through so much and will continue to go through so much, thankfully this family with similar issues can help her through this. You are right that Santana and Quinn have bonded like sisters and you are also correct when you say that it won't be all sunshine and daisies – they will continue to have their issues and fights but that's what sisters do right. Thank you so much for reviewing my story and I hope that you continue enjoying the ride.

banjojd – I am glad you can see that this chapter did solidify the growth of the older kids. They are truly coming together as a family and Brittany. Mr. Schue is a creep and his choice of words to an already fragile little girl are terrible. Shelby is super woman and Quinn is already deep rooted in her heart so someone will have to rip her out with all their might to get her away from the Corcoran family. Thank you for commenting on the pace of the story, I worry all the time that sometimes I am going too slowly but everytime I reread I think what I am writing is necessary so, thank you for putting some of my worries at ease. Thanks again for your review.

dreamchaser888 – Kids are very very cruel but I have to wonder if the Mark's parents go to the same church as Quinn's parents – the kids just didn't grow on trees they had to learn it from somewhere. Bear is a great uncle for all the kids. Thank you for reviewing.

theluckyclover – Thank you for finding my story. Thank you for continuing to read. While there will be a little romance in this fic – Rachel is only eleven so if anything with her it will certainly be G rated as it should be for an eleven year old. She has already had more than her share of X-rated stuff happen to her so I need her to deal with those issues first. Thanks again for reviewing.

Anon – Stuff did go down in this chapter and it did get intense. Unfortunately for this clan I am pretty sure that there will be more stuff coming up.

needscoffee – Thank you. Thank you. I hope you like this chapter.

Weezbegoing-tobreadstix – Woah – Thank you so much! Greatest story ever told – wow –

Iuterpi – Fantastic review. Thank you so much. I try my best to describe each character in depth and because they are so different they will all have different reactions to the same things. Rachel and San will always have a special bond – they have been so so close to each other they know what the other is feeling most of the time and to the detriment of themselves sometimes. I felt Santana's outing on the show was handled poorly and I wanted to make sure that I give it the proper respect and attention it deserves. It will not be just a one day thing either it will be a lifetime of work as it is in real life until everyone is treated equally. Quinn's secrets are out for some but not all and she will have to learn to adjust but at least she will have people who love her help her through it. A tip of my hat to you for your excellent review.

Fdlans – Thank you – as long as they stick together eventually the Corcoran family including Quinn will work things out – but it will take time it doesn't happen overnight and without a few more bumps along the way.

Fangirl44- Stupid Finn is right! There is a lot of pent up anger that needed to get out and some of it did during this fight! Thanks for reviewing.

Marauderette96 – Quinn and Santana have found common ground and I think deep down they always knew it was there but there will still be rocky times ahead for these two. However, now it is done out of love and respect and more like sisters fighting than arch enemies. Thanks for your review.

SuzQQ – Wow – I think if I respond to each one of your points in your review it will be a chapter in itself. Thank you so much for your continued support in my story. It always amazes me that you take the time to send me such detailed reviews and insight into my story. I am thrilled. I am sorry to hear about your own personal experience and am glad you have learned to deal with it in your own way. I think that there is no set way to deal with terrible things like this because all people are different and depending on the age of the person, the time and place it happened and who was involved. I am hoping to give that impression through this story by showing how even though it happened to family members they are all effected differently and respond differently. Especially with Rachel she has a very unique experience because of her mom. As always thank you so much for your reviews. I thoroughly enjoy them.

Gleek1990 – the Quinn / Santana bonding will continue in this chapter but they will have their spats trust me. As far as I know the leaping lizards response is not from the show. Thank you for your review though.

Cookie – Thank you for reviewing. Oh mama Corcoran is going to have a lot to say but she will do it in a gentle loving stern way. She is the best and she will do what is best for all of the kids.

MaJorReader619 - Ok as I said before, this is still a roller coaster of a ride so if you have a bad heart, please read the warning signs before continuing to read. We made it up hill number two but I think this rollercoaster still has a little further to go so hang on. Thank you for being one of the first to tell me to write a book – if I ever do I promise you my friend will get a signed copy. Thank you for reviewing – they keep me going and let me know if I am doing things right.

Kimberlli – I hope you never go near that former teacher! Thank you so much for making my story one of your favorites. It makes me so happy to hear that. Finn and Shitney and the Marks family are nothing but trouble – have we heard the last of them ? I don't know but stay tuned. At least this has no commercial interruptions right?

hersheysforever - One of my favorite lines too! Love my Santana- I thank you for your longest review ever, I feel honored. The siblings all stuck up for each other and will forever stick for each and that now includes Quinn.

Ryoko05 – ok well hold on and don't die because I love your reviews. Santana does know about Quinn but no one else so keep it quiet. Brittana will get there slowly but surely. Thanks for reviewing.

Once-upon-a-mind – Thank you so much for the review – terrible things have happened to these kids but things will get better I promise – its just not going to happen overnight.

muzak – Thank you so much!

marinka4 – Whitney, Finn and Ruth are a few of the many hateful characters in this story. Jesse will be in again but it may be awhile because there is so much more going on. Thanks for reviewing.

val-cb – Thank you for your review as always!

Renata – Thank you Ms. Brazil! Rachel did not hear what Ruth said but at this point it doesn't matter because it is clearly out where everyone can read it. She now has 3 siblings to protect her though and yes they are all going to be protective of each other. Thank you for saying such nice things about my work – it makes me so happy.

Mai.29393 – in some ways it is a Brittana fanfic – I mean it will have them in it it is just not solely about that – there is so much more but trust me they will be in it. Puck is far from a jerk in my story and he will continue to protect all his sisters.

Theilliterate – Well Santana and Shelby are going to have lots of little talks – one talk does not solve all the issues and certainly does not get them even out in the open. Santana has held a lot in and for her to get it out is going to take some time but this is progress. I love Bear as well.

Thank you for your review.

OTHangels – you asked for it, I give it to you this chapter and don't worry it will continue I promise. They are growing closer as a family everyday. And there is a little Brittana happening too. Thank you for the review.

piecesofyourheart – Loved your review! Thank you so much. I love hearing the readers favorite parts and when then pick out the parts that I loved writing it makes me so happy. Bear is not going anywhere anytime soon. He will continue to keep his eyes on creeper and we will see where it takes him. But Schuester will be watched.

HIsland429 – Santana and Quinn attacked Ruth. Santana is going to work through this with Brittany I promise. It is not going away. Puck and San have been through so much together there are many more of these moments coming. Thank you for reviewing.

TommyH – Less fighting and this chapter but it was all needed in the last chapter. Thank s for you dedication and review.

Mia125 – Thank you! I am glad my readers feel the emotions that I am trying to convey. It makes me so happy so thank you for letting me know.

sachiiko yuri – Thank you so much – Finn and Whitney are made for each other. They now will have 3 weeks to bond together.

NayaFan – As always I love to see your reviews. Quinn and Santana have truly bonded and Puck will now be another person in Quinn's corner and trust me she needs that. The show never dealt with Brittany being outed as well but the show also did a horrible job with the whole Santana piece of it too in my opinion. And with that said it is still a work in progress – this is not a one time thing unfortunately we live in a world that is not very accepting of others. Thank you again.!

btvscharmedgirl - The Cheerios are going to support their captains and are there for them. And thankfully Whitney is no longer one. Sue was right in her speech you don't have to love them but act like a team mate to each other. Thank you for reviewing.

Bowlofcereal – He did indeed almost have Rachel! Thank you for the review.

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for all the cookies. 47 days is a long time to wait for Glee to get back on the air – I agree and let's just hope Quinn is all right. It should have been Finn in that car! I will try and get a nice update out to you as soon as I can to keep you from missing it so much.

WittyNinja - Sorry there is at least two more chapters before Florida but I promise you it is needed and they will get a little bit of vacation when they get there. But their problems aren't ones that go away just because they change locations. They will have some fun though trust me! Shelby will get some much needed time off from being super mom too! And I agree the show did not do Shelby justice one bit! - Thank you for the review.

broadwaybound2016 – How do you really feel – haha ! Rachel will be in this chapter a lot more and more to come but I needed to give Santana's story line the focus it deserved. Thank you for reviewing

sillystarshine – Thank you – the show did not do the whole Brittana thing correctly in my opinion. How is it ok for her to be outed on national television and the guy that outed is made to look like a hero – ridic. I hope you continue to enjoy!

**This chapter was a challenge to write. I obsessed over perfecting so frequently it was a constant state of being. Ridiculous! :) I am incredibly humbled and grateful for the outpouring of support for this story. I am still in utter shock that it has over 701 reviews as well as over 300 story alerts. Seriously, unreal. Thank you for that. Thank you so much. **

**Also, some of you may know where this story is going. I've had it planned like this from the very beginning. Brace yourselves. Additionally, as we drown in the state that is the hiatus from Glee, I have meticulously planned the next six maybe even seven chapters. I have an idea of where I want to be in this story when Glee comes back. So for those of you that have noticed I tend to update most on Tuesday or Wednesday mornings. Please know that a schedule has been made and outlines written. It's going to be a ride. I hope you all take it with me. Thank you for coming this far. **

They walked quietly into the house. Not one word. Santana was starting to wonder if it was because no one had anything to say. She herself didn't realize it was silent until they walked into the house; it had settled too comfortably around them for her to notice. She heard someone pull into the driveway before she closed the door. She looked out, hoping that it was Rachel. It was just Aunt Joey. Sighing she looked over at her mother.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Shelby frowned at her daughter and pulled her into her arms. "This isn't your fault."

Santana sighed into her mother's chest. "Which 'this' are you talking about?" she grumbled as she felt tears prickle her eyes.

"All of it," Shelby whispered.

She looked over Santana's shoulder and saw Quinn going up quietly to her room.

"Would you like to talk now?" Shelby asked Santana pulling away slightly.

Santana scoffed. "No," she said quietly. "But... maybe later."

Shelby nodded. "Quinn?" she called out. Santana followed her mother's gaze and watched as the blonde turned and looked to look at them. She wasn't rolling her eyes or giving an attitude. She simply looked exhausted. Santana searched her eyes. She looked defeated.

Shelby wanted to ask her what had happened. If she was alright? However, she didn't need to ask that. It was already obvious that she wasn't. None of them were. She looked down at their hands.

"Come here," she called to Noah and Quinn to stand next to Santana. "Hold out your hands. Stretch them. There we go. Other than soreness, nothing feels broken? Everything can still move." Each of them gave quiet murmurs of confirmation. "Go wash up in the kitchen alright?"

They started for the kitchen. She watched them quietly disappear. She caught Santana and Quinn exchanging a look as they disappeared around the corner.

"Shel," a voice called as the door opened.

Shelby sighed and looked at her sister as she came through the door. Before she could stop it her eyes began to tear up.

Joey put up her hands and looked around the corner. "Guys," she called as she took Shelby's hand. "We're going to grab dinner from the car. Don't burn the house down, please."

Shelby wiped her tears in frustration and walked out to the car hoping that her sister didn't pick up pizza again. She didn't know if her stomach could handle it. She was thankful that the newest element of the grounding required her to move around more, too. Shelby trudged behind to her sister's Prius.

"Did you leave the rat at home?" she asked crossing her arms over her chest. She looked into the dark windows for what her sister brought for dinner. When she didn't get an answer, she looked up. Her sister was looking at her.

"You okay?" She asked in a way that made Shelby want to scream and cry all at once.

"Peachy," Shelby said leaning against the Prius. She shook her head. "I just... I …. I … I don't know."

"How are they?" she asked motioning toward the house.

"A wreck. I'm a wreck. I can't handle any of this. Clearly, Rachel went missing!" Shelby threw her hands in the air. "Something happened with Quinn. I don't know what to ask. I heard whispers while I was in the gym, but I don't know for sure. She's shutting down... And Noah and San..." Shelby sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Oh, San..." She looked up with glossy eyes. "I don't know what to say. Honestly, I think I knew in the back of my head about her and Britt, but I …. I don't know... I just didn't know... I'm not mad at her. Not at all. I just... I just don't know... and... " She looked at her sister as her memory scanned the day. "She spit on a girl."

"She what?"

Shelby thought as she remembered. "God damn it! That stupid Marks girl antagonized her and said something terrible and Santana and Quinn lost it."

Joey arched her brow. "And Quinn?"

Shelby nodded as if that was a tiny detail. "I walked into the gym and the three of them were rolling around on the ground like girls gone wild. When I saw that movie Mean Girls I thought, phew good thing this is a movie and this could never happen. Lies! It can! Mean Girls is real."

"You're on crack right now," Joey said. "But who wouldn't be?"

Shelby leaned back into the car and stared up at the sky. "This whole day felt like the world exploded. Everything went wrong." She shook her head and stared back at the house. "And now they're going to have to deal with what all of this means. Secrets are out."

"All of them?" Joey frowned.

"I'm guessing with Noah and Quinn but for San and Rachel, yes."

"Rachel?" she asked again.

"Apparently that girl that caused Santana and Quinn to turn into rabid animals said 'Sodomy is truly a sin, your sister is dirtier than trash.'" Shelby waited a few seconds as Joey's face went from shocked to furious. "That means she knows. That means the Jeanne knew when she was mean to Rachel at school." Shelby shook her head again. "There's something with Quinn too. People were whispering about her as I walked past. I just... I just don't know. Everything just went wrong."

"Shelby," Joey began. "Everyone is safe. No one is in the hospital." She tilted her head. "And clearly, Quinn is fighting for her new family, whether she'll admit it or not." She looked at her sister. "Everything is okay. Rachel is on her way home. No one was physically hurt... for the most part."

"But they could have been!" she screamed. "I just... I can't... I'm sorry..."

"You need to breathe. You need to sleep. None of this will be miraculously fixed tonight. " She sighed. "You are doing the best you can and your best is so much greater than what anyone else can do in their whole life. You need to stop focusing on what you consider to be you failing as a mom. You have been an amazing mom to each one of those kids. Your "failures" have nothing to do with you or your actions Shel, they have to do with other evil people's wickedness and shortcomings. So stop thinking that you can't because you can. You can do this. Get inside. Bear and I will eat and help clean up and then you guys need to hang out and relax. I stopped by the video store and picked up some movies." She reached into her car and pulled out a bag. She missed her sister's look of confusion.

"When did you have time to do this?"

"I'm awesome," Joey shrugged. "Okay. So I picked movies for you and the older kids as well as ones that Rachel would be able to watch with you all without the rest of you wanting to rip out your eyeballs." Shelby nodded and took the bag. She reached in. "I picked up burritos and tacos. I got Rachel the only vegan thing on the menu, oh wait, there was none. But don't worry, I called ahead and talked with the owner. He and I go way back-"

"Of course you do," Shelby muttered.

"And so he made her a vegan rice bowl thing," Joey said. She sighed. "Not that she'll eat any of it."

"You need to stop picking up food. I owe you so much," Shelby said.

"Stop," Joey said shoving a take out bag into her hand. "We need to get Rachel to eat more. Quinn too." She noticed Shelby's face. "Not that you don't have anything else to focus your energy on." She paused. "You can do this."

Shelby shook her head. It didn't feel like it.

…...

Rachel looked out the window of her uncle's big SUV. She was sitting in the seat behind the passenger's side trying her best to hide her face from her uncle. She couldn't control the tightness in her chest or the tears pouring down her face.

"Rach," he called from the front. "Bug, look at me." She continued to keep her head down. "Rachel, I'm not going to yell at you."

"I know," she said quietly and then almost immediately regretted it when her voice cracked sadly.

"Look at me, Bug." She looked up after a few moments. His heart broke at her tear stained face. She licked the tears off her upper lip and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Bug, you never should have gotten into that car."

"What?" she asked. "He was taking me home." She frowned. "They left me." The tears started again. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Rachel," Bear said patiently. "When have we ever left you. You know we would never do that. You know when you need time alone that we always will come and find you, but that's only possible if you stay in place. "I don't want you alone with him."

"Why? He's my teacher," she said confused.

"Exactly why. He's your teacher, Rachel," Bear said. "And I thought we talked about this..." He trailed off as he watched her in the rear view mirror. "Why are you upset, Rach?" She frowned. The tears continued to fall silently. "Rachel?"

"You're mad at me?" she asked quietly.

"You're upset because you think I'm mad?" he asked turning toward the neighborhood. "I'm not mad at you, Rachel. I'm disappointed that you decided not to listen to me."

She looked at him in confusion. "But... They left me and I needed to go home." She looked at him in confusion. "He was taking me home."

"Bug, no one left you. You ran," he said looking at her carefully. "I know you were scared in the gym. It was scary, but then you ran." He sighed. "When you get lost, what do we tell you to do?"

Rachel deflated slightly, realizing where this might be going. "Call and try to stay put."

"And you know everyone's numbers right?" She nodded knowing that they both knew the answer. Rachel memorized the numbers when she was five after the man tried to leave with her. "Why didn't you call?"

"He said he was taking me home." She shook her head and frowned. "I don't understand."

He sighed. "I said not to be alone with him."

Rachel shook her head. "I don't understand. He was just giving me a ride home." She looked at him. "How are you mad at me when they left me?"

"Rachel," Bear said stopping at a stop sign and turning to look at her. "Is that what you think? That they left you?"

"I ….I..." she felt too put on the spot. "I couldn't find anyone... No one was in the hallway and then Mr. Schuester was there."

"He was there?" Bear asked.

Rachel nodded. "Can we go home?"

"Rachel," he said carefully. "Promise me you won't be alone with him." He watched her face. She wasn't responding. "Rachel."

"Okay," she said quietly.

"Honey, we would never leave you, okay? Not now not ever. We were all so scared when we couldn't find you. My heart was in my chest the whole time. I would never walk away from you. Not ever. Your mom and your siblings were so scared they couldn't really help me look. I asked them to leave and calm down. Do you understand why I did that? So you can be mad at me. Okay?" Rachel nodded. He reached back and wiped her tears and kissed her softly. "I love you very much. We would never leave you. Not in a million years." She nodded.

He nodded and started to drive home wondering if he had already made a mistake with Rachel. They pulled up outside the house and Rachel saw her mother and Joey heading into the house. She unbuckled and ran up the drive.

Shelby set down the food and pulled Rachel up into her arms. She felt no control over her tears.

"You scared me," she said quietly into her ear. "You scared me a lot."

"I know," Rachel murmured into her mother's neck. "I'm sorry." Shelby set her daughter down and looked her in the eye. "You know you should have never accepted a ride from him, right? You should have called me."

Rachel frowned. "But …. He wasn't a stranger."

Shelby looked at her daughter. She had a point. "Rachel."

"Why are you mad at me?" She asked.

"We'll talk after dinner, Rach," Shelby said kissing her on the cheek. "I'm glad you're back. I'm not mad."

Rachel frowned and looked at her aunt. "I don't understand."

"You're home safe and we're all hungry," Joey said. "We'll talk about it later."

Shelby watched her youngest look up at her with confusion. "I'm not mad, Rachel," she said again. "I was scared and worried. And now I need to think about this before we talk." She caught her brother-in-law pacing up the driveway. "Go in the house okay?"

Rachel started into the house. "Mom?"

"Yeah, bug?" she asked turning to her. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are, sweetheart. I'm sorry too."

She watched as Rachel turned inside again. She turned to her brother-in-law

"Mom?"

She turned back to her youngest. "Yeah, bug?"

"They're going to be okay, right?"

"Unquestionably," Shelby said kissing the top of Rachel's head. "Go inside."

Shelby turned to Bear as soon as the front door closed. "Okay," she said with her arms across her chest. "What?"

…...

Quinn stared at her reflection in the mirror. What had just happened? Seriously? Everything felt like it threw up. It all just felt like too much. She shook her head remember in that one moment where she thought her life wouldn't be terrible. Last year. It was a fleeting moment, but it had been a moment.

_She leaned against Finn's truck outside of school. Yesterday she had gone to the clinic with Brittany. They had told her the news. They had told her she was pregnant. The way they looked at her they might as well have told she had terminal cancer or they had to amputate a limb. She thought about what she would do when she couldn't hide it anymore. She thought about having to feed it. She thought about having to explain how messed up she was to it. However, none of her thoughts were ever completed. They all seemed to put themselves and come to an end in the most incomplete way. However, in that single moment as she waited to tell Finn a fleeting but complete thought came to mind: What if this was her happy ending? What if this is the best thing? What if this was all there was to offer? What if the only good thing in her life would be to be the mother of this baby?_

"_Hey." _

_She looked up and Finn was talking toward the truck. She gave a weak smile. What if this was it?_

_He threw his duffel in the back and leaned down kissing her. Man he was a terrible kisser, she thought to herself. Would that improve with time or was that something she was stuck with? She searched his face again catching herself wondering what he would be like in ten years, twenty years. Maybe this is where things got better. Maybe this was her ticket out. _

"_I need to tell you something," she said. He looked at her with a frown. As she began to tell him, she felt oddly relieved with the fact. She felt free; she felt as if this was right. She finished saying what she needed to say, the brief, true statement that brought an ironic sense of solace. She looked up at him. That moment of relief and of hope that filled her just seconds before was gone. _

"_WHAT?" Finn practically screamed. He shook his head. "No. No. No. No way." _

"_Finn," Quinn began and started to walk nearer. _

"_No," he said pushing her away. "I didn't sign up for this. I didn't. I'm going to get out of this town not be bound to you for the rest of my life. No! No!" _

_He was waving his hands like there was a giant fly. This was the father of her baby. Scenarios began to run through her mind. Could she support a baby by herself? Could she feed it? Could she even afford a carrier? Again, no questions didn't complete themselves enough to even allow answers to develop. She looked up at Finn and found herself drowning again in worry that she couldn't be the mother that she hoped she could be. As if fate wanted to kick her once again while she was down Finn spoke again. _

"_You can't handle this," he spat. "You would be a terrible mother! I mean look at you. You're fifteen with more parent issues than anyone I met and you want to bring a child into this world? You'll just ruin it." _

_Once those words were said she couldn't help but feel her heart crumble slightly. she didn't think she wanted the baby but she thought it was the one thing that she could do right. However, apparently that wasn't true. _

"_Finn, I really-"_

_He shook her head. "I'm not doing this with you, Quinn. I'm not. It was only one night. I'm not going to let that ruin my life." He reached for the door handle on truck. "As far as I'm concerned, it's not mine." _

_With that, he got in drove away. Quinn felt the empty parking lot engulf her. She was alone, again. She watched the truck disappear and his words echoed in her mind. She kicked herself for even feeling any excitement over the baby. Her baby wouldn't love her. She was such an idiot for thinking that. _

_Then it hit her. It hit her like a punch in the gut. _

_His words echoed in her head. "It's not mine." _

_She felt a surge in her stomach and she threw up in the parking lot. _

_There was a whisper in her ear. It caused her to shiver and heave again. There's a chance it's not his, it said. _

"_Quinn?" _

_She looked up. Jesus. Did the world hate her? _

"_Go away, Santana," she hissed. _

"_You're standing in the parking lot in a puddle of your own puke," she sneered. "I'm a bitch but I'm not heartless." _

"_Just leave me alone," she spat pushing past her. _

"_Fine, whatever," Santana sneered. Quinn stomped away from the girl. She didn't need this. Not at all. She looked around the parking lot. Fuck! Finn was her ride. _

"_Hey," the girl she couldn't stand called out to her. "Do you need a ride?" _

"_No!" Quinn hissed. _

"_Don't be an idiot," Santana yelled out. _

_The blonde turned on her heels and stomped back toward her teammate whom she hated with such vigor she found herself forgetting why she did in the first place. _

"_Leave me alone. I don't need you. I don't need anyone," Quinn hissed. _

"_Suit yourself," Santana spat walking away from her toward her brother's car. _

_Quinn shook in frustration. She watched them drive away. She felt her frustration drain. She was left alone again. She didn't need anyone. She squeezed her eyes shut. She needed to figure out if she could do this. she had to. She pulled out her phone and called her last lifeline. _

"_Brittany?" She took a deep breath. "I need to go back to the clinic. I changed my mind. Tell Melanie we need her." _

She was pulled out of her memory when a tiny brunette walked past.

"Hey," she called out going into the hallway. She realized once in the hallway that she wasn't sure what she wanted to say. She had this strange urge to hug her, but she wasn't going to, that was too strange. Instead, her question stumbled out of her mouth. "You okay?"

Rachel nodded. "Are you?" Quinn felt her head bobble in respond. Rachel reached out and took her hand. "Come on."

She frowned as she walked behind the small girl who was practically pulled her into Shelby's room. It was at that moment that she realized that she hadn't been in Shelby's room before. Her moment of shock was fleeting as the girl pulled her into her mother's massive master closet. And before she could get over the shock of being in there, she was pulled up the staircase that was pulled down in the middle of the crowded, but organized closet. With Rachel still holding her hand, another thing that invoked shock to her already shocked mind, she was led up the stairs. In the corner of the attic was an open window. Wasn't there something about window alarms?

"Sanny?" Rachel asked.

"Rachel, I told you that you're too little to come out here," Santana's voice echoed.

Is she on the roof? Quinn suddenly wondered as she looked out the window. The Corcoran house wasn't a small one.

"Are you insane?" Quinn asked as she looked out the window.

Santana was in fact perched on the roof. She turned and looked at her. She climbed back into the attic and pulled Rachel into her arms. "You scared me." Rachel nodded into her chest.

"I got scared," Rachel muttered.

"I know," Santana said, hugging her tightly. "I'm sorry."

"Are you seriously just perched out there?" Quinn asked leaning out the still open window.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Either you come out here or go away," she said. Quinn gave her a slight smirk but climbed out the window.

"Me too?" Rachel asked.

Santana sighed. "Fine." She helped Rachel out onto the roof and held her securely around the waist as they three of them settled.

"So what are we doing?" Rachel asked as she leaned into Santana.

"Sitting in silence," Santana muttered rested her head on Rachel's head. "Don't move. Concentrate on not falling off." She kissed the top of Rachel's head.

Quinn wasn't sure why she was out there with them. But it felt comfortable and for the first time in her entire time there, maybe even her entire life, on the roof of the Corcoran house after one of the worst days of her life, she didn't want to run away. She felt comfortable and she felt strangely at ease.

…...

Shelby crossed her arms and watched her brother-in-law pace.

"What?" she asked.

"We need to talk about Will Schuester," he said.

"Okay," she said with a nod looking back at the house. "Just keep it down."

Bear stopped pacing. "I ran all over that school and I stopped and looked at the window and she was getting into the car."

Shelby nodded. "I know you said that." She shook her head. "I know that she knows better, but she knows him.-"

"We told her not to be alone with him!" Bear interrupted.

"I know you don't trust him, but she does," Shelby said with frustration. "And that's my fault." She shook her head. "I see what you're saying. I agree. Honestly, I don't understand why she didn't call us." She shook her head. "You know what? I know. Because we don't let her have her space..." She shook her head. "I see what you're saying but..." She shook her head again. "He's a Lima loser. Rachel doesn't see him as a threat. I know you do. I think yes, his behavior is strange, but I didn't think strange enough to stop communication, but-"

He interrupted her. "Rachel doesn't see anyone as a threat. That's how six years ago some rando creep just walked out of the store with her!" He ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Shel. I'm not saying you're wrong. I just...When it comes to San and Rach, and now Quinn...I just go on high alert. I know that might make me a sexist pig. Joey tells me that all the time, but …. In what I do, girls like them are the number one target." He saw Shelby's look of confusion. "Girls with a history," he said lowly. He watched her face.

"I see what you mean. I do, Bear. I've actually been considering it. He is a weirdo. But Rachel doesn't lie to me. She's never been with him alone and the door's been open." She watched his face. "She is driven but she doesn't lie."

He shook his head and looked at the house. "I have a feeling, Shel. I don't like it." He put his hands up. "For instance, she cried all the way home about us leaving her. Who do you think put that idea in her head?" He ran his hand through his hair. "I have a feeling about this guy. When I saw him putting her in the damn piece of junk car of his, I wanted to kill him. The look on his face was so... triumphant.. And then he had the audacity to charm me. I can't... I... I can't even, Shel. No more. She doesn't see him anymore."

He put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath. He watched his sister-in-law.

"I'm exhausted and I don't know. I've been thinking about it too, but," she sighed. "We haven't told Rachel yet. Gable is the only thing she has been looking for and she's happy." She looked at him with a shake of her head. "I just pulled her out of school. She's bullied. She's upset. And now the only thing that she looks froward to you want me to take it away." She shook her head. "I don't know if I can do that...Yes, he's a weirdo, but he's a theater weirdo. I think she needs a better teacher anyway. His credentials are not up to par. I've been looking into other teachers. That's the real reason she likes him so much. There are better people out there. She has one more lesson this week and then we'll move her."

He sighed. "I know, Shel." He shrugged. "Still with one more lesson, I don't know. Do me a favor and don't tell him it's the last-"

"What?" she asked with a frown.

"I have a feeling and if you threaten him by pulling Rachel then he might act on something," Bear explained.

"You're really serious about this?" she asked. "I'm not going to lie to him, but I'll listen to you, but if you think he's that much of a threat then maybe she shouldn't even go on Thursday."

"No," Bear said. "You're right maybe we shouldn't pull her yet. I will do my part to check him out fully but I don't want them alone with him its not right. However, that doesn't mean we pull her right away. I don't know."

"I agree," she nodded. "Maybe.-"

She was cut off when a beat up blue car pulled up in front of the house. She steeled her face as Will Schuester climbed out.

"I came here to apologize," he said putting up his hand in surrender as Bear glared at him.

She put up her hands. "Now's really not the time," she said with a shake of her head.

"I know," he said with a sigh. "Just please, give me five minutes."

"I'm going to speak first," Bear said. "You had no right to put her in your car today. Let me ask you something. Have you ever been alone with her before this idiotic and inappropriate stunt you pulled today?"

Will looked Bear straight in the eyes. "Of course not."

Bear held his gaze for a few minutes. He chewed the inside of his cheek. He sighed and looked at Shelby. "And it will never happen again."

"You said you had an explanation," Shelby said with a heavy sigh.

"Yes," Will nodded. "With everything that happened at school today, I didn't want you to worry about coming to get her."

"Calling her mother should have been your priority!" Bear said with frustration.

"Back off," Shelby scolded. She turned back to Will. "While I appreciate it, Will, Bear's right. You should have called me."

"I'm sorry," he said with a strange frown of sympathy.

"Rachel doesn't go to lessons without Kurt," Shelby said. "He's been enjoying lessons too?"

"Absolutely, I mean I hope so," he said with nod. "He's been rather quiet lately."

"And why do you think that is?" Bear shot.

"Kurt and Rachel are great students. I hope you continue with their lessons," he said lightly.

"Would you have given Kurt a ride?"

"Absolutely," he said without hesitation.

Bear watched him closely for a few seconds. Finally, he spoke. "We're watching you. I'm watching you. But I'll give you another chance."

Will smiled a charming smile. "Wonderful. I'll see the two of them on Thursday." They nodded. As the teacher headed toward the car, he knew that his time was running out and he needed to move fast.

Shelby watched the beat up car drive away. Without breaking her gaze from the car, she said, "Okay. I'm on board. Thursday's the last day with him."

Shelby ran her hand through her hair and walked into the house. She was exhausted. She could hear Noah in the basement. She opened the door. She could hear her son hitting the punching bag. She sighed and walked down the stairs. Her son's face was frozen in anger and frustration. His wrapped pre-injured hands were already bleeding through.

"Noah," she said as she walked over to him. "Noah."

He continued to kick and punch at the bag without stopping. She held the bag and tried to catch his eyes.

"Look at me, buddy," she whispered. He breathed heavily but didn't meet her eyes. She saw the helplessness in his eyes. He didn't move. "Noah."

He snuck a quick look at her, but then looked away. "I'm fine, Mom."

She stepped forward and took his hands and began to slowly unwrap them. "Clearly, you aren't." She gave him a weak smile. "I'm grateful that you came down here to focus your energy."

He huffed. She used to say that kind of stuff to him and Santana all the time growing up. Every good choice or even every kinda-not really good choice was affirmed.

"Whatever," he muttered. "Is Rach home?"

Shelby nodded looking at her son's hands. "Noah," she said with a sigh.

"Let me do this," he muttered, pulling away. "I'm fine."

"Clearly," Shelby scoffed.

"Just... let me be, Mom," he said. "Let me feel this way."

"And what way is that?" she pushed.

He looked at her. "Like a waste."

"Noah," she said quietly. This was something that Noah had always had a problem with. He in so many ways had been the bystander to all that had happened. The burden and all that had accompanied that seemed to only get heavier with time.

"Don't Mom," he said. "Just let me be upset. Okay?"

"I don't blame you for anything, Noah. Neither do the girls." He stopped on the stairs.

"Doesn't matter, Mom," he said. "I do."

"Noah, you are just as important to me as the girls. This has affected you too and I need to know that you are okay. We need you, Noah. We need you more than ever. The girls adore you and so do I." He stopped on the stairs but didn't turn to look at her. "You show us everyday there there are still good men."

"Mom, don't," he said with a shake of his head.

"I love you."

"I know," he said quietly.

"What do you want, Noah?" she asked quietly.

He stopped and turned to look at her. He swallowed his thoughts. He looked at his mother. He couldn't say it out loud. He wouldn't tell her that what he wanted more than anything. What he needed was to get those eight years back. What he wanted was for her never to have left for London. However, he knew that you couldn't change the past. He needed to focus on what was going on now. He remembered that stupid therapist saying that. He needed to work out his feelings about what he can and cannot do. However, it just seemed as if all he could do was fall short.

"Nothing," he responded. He looked at his mother. "I don't need you to worry about me. I'm sorry about today. I lost it, but I'm not sorry about why. She doesn't need that. She didn't deserve it. I know you want me to apologize to Finn but I'm not. I won't. I'm sorry. I will apologize to Whitney but only because I didn't hold back Quinn when she hit her. That's it." He shook his head. "But not him. I'm not going to pretend to be sorry about something I'm not." He looked at his mother with greater intent. "Does this whole town know about Rachel?" When Shelby didn't answer right away, he knew he had his answer. "We need to fix that. We need to fix that before she can't recover. And uh... Quinn's coming to Florida. She's not going to run. CPS is going to give you a hard time, but she belongs here and she's starting to realize it.-"

"Noah," she said interrupting him. "Thank you. But you're not my husband. You are my son. I don't want you co-parenting with me."

"Well, he said looking at his mother. "That's what I need."

"No," Shelby interrupted. "That's what you want. I need you to focus on you. On schools, football."

"That's not what I want," he said.

"Well, we'll work on it," she said honestly.

He shook his head. "Is Rachel okay?"

"She's fine," she said calmly. "Again, Noah, I see that you're frustrated, but let me be the Mom and you be the kid."

"I'm not a kid anymore!" he said looking at her.

"Tough shit, Noah," she said. "You're my kid." She walked up to him. "I know you grew up way too fast but that doesn't mean you have to be the head of this family. I know you feel like it. And I know that's my fault but you're barely eighteen and you have so much more living to do."

He shook his head. "This is where I want to be, Mom. I'm sorry. I'm fine. Promise me you won't worry about me."

"I can't promise that," she said with a small smile. "Your my son. I'll always worry."

"You shouldn't have to," he said with a shrug. "You have a house full of estrogen that you need to focus your energy on."

He looked at her briefly and headed up the stairs. Shelby sighed and watched him disappear up the stairs. What was she doing? Was she messing everything up? She walked up the stairs and spotted Bear, Joey and Noah warming up the food in the kitchen.

"Here," Joey said offering Shelby a glass of wine. "Come get some air with me."

Shelby sighed. She really wanted to talk to the girls, but allowed herself to take a sip of wine and be dragged out to the backyard with her sister.

"Okay."

She walked out into the backyard. Her sister was ranting about something about taking deep breaths. And in that serendipitous moment with the glass to her lips, she looked up. What she saw caused her to spit her wine out all over the grass.

…...

The girls looked behind them. Bear was screaming about something, but they couldn't hear exactly what because they were at the front of the house. The noises eventually died away though. Rachel leaned into Santana. Neither one of them had said much. Each was stuck in her own thoughts and allowed the soft breeze to carry them away. The backdoor slammed bringing them from their thoughts. Rachel leaned forward slightly to see, but Santana and Quinn yanked her back. Joey came rushing out to the backyard with a glass of wine in her hand and Shelby followed. Santana snuck a look over the edge and caught Shelby's eyes as she spit her wine all of over grass. Oops, she thought. Somehow over the past six years since living in Lima, she hadn't been caught on the roof. She heard her mother's ranting screams from below about staying put and not breaking their necks. She realized that now wasn't the time to explain that she had been up here countless times. She looked over and saw Rachel's neutral face.

"We should go down before Mom poops her pants."

Santana gave a smile and led Rachel into the attic. She peaked back out and saw that Quinn was still sitting there.

"I don't really want to move," she said quietly.

"I know, but you need to," she said reaching out her hand. "Come on."

Quinn sighed and climbed back into the attic. "Can we find another roof to climb on again soon since clearly she's going to board this place up like it's a condemned building?"

"We'll find another one," Santana said with a roll of her eyes.

After about twenty minutes about the dangers of roof sitting, they finally sat down to eat for dinner. Noah lifted Rachel into his arms and murmured clearly in her ear about how she never should have run. She apologized and almost started to cry again, but Santana scolded him to leave her be. Dinner was practically silent. Shelby persistently told Rachel that she couldn't leave the table until a minimum of half of her food was eaten. Quinn was quietly told the same. Again, Santana was sure that no one had anything to say because they were too busy having conversations with themselves in their heads. The clanging of the dishes brought her back to reality as they all piled into the kitchen.

"We need to talk," Shelby said. Santana tried her best to keep her groan to herself but it released with an eye role. Rachel elbowed her in the stomach. "Clearly, it's been a long day and I'm not going to force us to talk, but you need to know that starting tomorrow things are going to change. Clearly, your groundings before weren't working. So beginning now, you're all grounded."

Santana looked at Rachel. "What did you do, bug?"

"Rachel, you're being punished, granted not as long as everyone else because you accepted a ride from Mr. Schuester-"

The three old kids looked at her in surprise. "What?" Rachel bowed her head in embarassment.

"It's been discussed and -"

"I don't understand," Rachel interrupted. "He's my friend and not a stranger and how else was I suppose to call."

Santana who had her hands on Rachel's shoulders pulled her closer. "You're kidding right, Rach?" Rachel looked up at her in confusion. "The only people you go home with is us."

"But he's an adult and my friend and I don't... what's... What's the difference? Who can I trust? If Kurt's mom offers me a ride home I can't take it?"

"No, you call us first. First and only thing you do," Bear explained.

"Until I say you can accept a ride from an adult that even I know you need to ask me first. You never get into a car unless I have given you permission for that person to drive you - never." Shelby looked at her. "Do you understand?" Rachel nodded. Shelby continued. "That's the same rule for the three of you. You are my kids. I say who drives you and right now the only ones that have permission are myself, your uncle and your aunt. That's it." She saw the older three look at her in utter confusion. "I'm sorry, guys, you're grounded. No rides with friends unless I say so."

Rachel leaned back into Santana, a place where she always felt safe. This was all so confusing.

"Starting tomorrow, we're going back to the old ways," Shelby announced. She saw Quinn wince. "What I mean by that is we're doing bootcamp again."

"You're kidding," Santana gawked.

"Nope," Shelby said. "We're going back to strict schedules and bootcamp, meaning the mornings will be all about getting out your energy. Bootcamps will be led by Sue Sylvester beginning Thursday, but you'll have an abbreviated version with me tomorrow."

"I would rather die," Noah said.

"Well, too bad," Bear said.

"She's going to run drills with you. You're then going to go to your appointments. Your days will be planned down to the last minute. You will all have an individual hour with me everyday."

"Really?" Rachel asked with a smile.

"Yes," Shelby said unable to conceal her own smile. "I know that things have been extraordinarily difficult today so I'm not going to push you, but we are spending some time together."

"We're not singing, are we?" Quinn asked with a heavy sigh.

Shelby laughed. "No," she assured. "We're going to lay back and relax though."

"Relax?" Noah asked.

Shelby nodded. "Yup."

Bear and Joey said their goodbyes soon after dinner. Santana found herself alone in her room. The weight on her shoulders and heart hadn't eased. It just became comfortably numb. A faint knock brought her back.

"Hey," her mother said coming in.

"Hi," Santana said.

"I'm so sorry about what happened today," Shelby said sitting.

"I thought you said you weren't going to push us," Santana said quietly. Nevertheless, she allowed herself to lean into her mother. "I just feel so full that I feel empty."

Shelby rubbed her back. "I'm sorry."

"I just don't know... I don't know how this is happening." She bit her lip. "You know what this feels like?"

"What?" Shelby asked knowing that Santana's desire to share came at such rare times that this moment needed to be cultivated.

"It feels like when the we had the trial," she said quietly into her mother's shoulder. "It feels like someone splattered our personal lives on the wall...Noah and I got into a fight then too, remember?"

"Oh, I remember," Shelby said.

"Why can't anything be private?" Santana asked, not paying notice to her tears running down her cheeks. "It's all smoke and mirrors. Secrets are. He wanted to expose me because I hit a nerve. I told him the one thing that he knew was true..."

"Which was?" Shelby asked.

"That he was a Lima loser. The truth hurts. I know that...He exposed mine..." Santana shook her head. "But I...It doesn't feel like a truth as much as it does carnage." She shook her head. "I think he's a loser that will never amount to anything but a balding, lonely idiot. It's just...It's hard how much the truth hurts when you're not ready for it to come out. I just don't understand...I don't get it...and he made it so cruel and simple." She looked at her mother tearfully. "I'm now some cliche of a stereotype. There for everyone to see."

"You're not that," Shelby whispered. "Not in the least."

"It's not something sacred I wanted to hide, something that I wanted to protect like in New York...I don't even know what it means. I don't know what's true. All I know is that...with Brittany I feel like the world doesn't suck as much. With her," Santana softened her gaze. "Things feel right. I don't even know what it means to be... gay. I mean it's not like I don't think women are beautiful and men make me want to throw up. You and daddy raised us to see how beauty transcended beauty." She shook her head. "I just don't know. I'm so full that I'm empty."

"Can I ask you something?" Shelby asked knowing she was taking a risk. Santana nodded into the side of Shelby's shoulder, but didn't look at her. "When you were... with those boys...what did you feel?"

"Nothing," Santana said without hesitation. "But I never feel anything." She sat up and looked at her mother. "I mean I know I love you, and the family, and especially Rach, but... that's it. I don't ever feel anything else. Brittany's the only one. She made complicated things simple."

"Can I ask you one more thing?" Santana nodded. "When you slept with them, were you trying to escape those feelings you felt for Brittany?"

Santana looked at her mother. "Yes... and no... mostly I was trying to escape everything else too...It's not just loving and disappointing Brittany that I'm scared of," she said lowly. She shook her head. "I don't want to talk anymore."

"Okay," she said gently kissing her daughter. "You know that I'm here and I love you."

"I know..." Shelby stood. "Mom?" She turned and looked at her daughter. "I know we don't tell you enough, but you're a good mom."

"Thanks, sweetheart." She looked at Santana seriously. "Just because you had a right to punch Finn and Ruth doesn't mean you should have."

"I can't apologize for Ruth, Mom." She shook her head. "I don't think I can for Finn either."

"I'm not going to ask you guys to."

"You're not?"

"No," Shelby said. Before, she could respond, Shelby held out her hand. "Come on. You can have first pick at the movie."

Santana arched her brow. "We're having a movie night?"

"Yup," Shelby said pulled her daughter to her feet.

Santana allowed herself to be pulled into a hug. She stood there for a moment nested into her mother. "Mom?" she said quietly.

"Yeah?"

To her surprise, with a very hardened voice, Santana said, "I don't want Rachel alone with Will Schuester."

She took a deep breath. "She has her last lesson Thusday. We won't have to worry about it anymore."

There was a feeling that Santana couldn't tame. One that made her think her mother was wrong.

…...

Rachel heard what everyone was saying. She truly did. She also felt the ache and the pull deep in the pit of her stomach, whispering to her conscious. She paused because her conscious was always so loud. She was trying to listen to her own voice in her head: one that said that not everyone was bad. However, her entire life had been rebuilt by the bricks of one monster and she fought hard to conserve the idea, perhaps it was an illusion, that not everyone was. She knew that so many thought she was too trusting, and idyllically hopeful. However, that was all she had. She felt like this was a big moment in her life. In all of her eleven years, she felt as if this decision was one, if not, the greatest. And she couldn't mess it up.

"Hey."

She looked up and Quinn was standing at the door. "Hi."

"I want to talk to you," the older girl said coming in.

"Okay," she whispered.

"I know that I don't know a lot about your history," the blonde began quietly. "I've been... trying to think of how to say this, but I need you to hear this from me before your sister goes all weird and protective on you-"

"You're my sister too," Rachel interrupted. She looked at Quinn briefly and then looked away. "To me at least."

Quinn gave a small smile and couldn't help but feel awkward. "Yeah, you too," she said quietly. "I want to say that I agree with everyone and that you shouldn't have gotten into that car."

Rachel looked up at her sharply with a baffled frown. "They're all angry with me," she said quietly.

"Well, yeah," Quinn said nonchalantly. "I'm angry with you." The eleven year old looked at her surprised and hurt. "You're a smart girl. I don't understand why you're mad that we're mad." She sighed. "Rachel, people are worried."

"Why?" she asked. Rachel shook her head. "I know about stranger danger, Quinn," Rachel said with a frown. "He's not a stranger. He's my friend."

"Well, you know as well as I do Rachel, that the people we are supposed to trust are the ones that can be the most dangerous." She looked at her. "He's a weirdo and he wanted to give you a ride home tonight. He's already freakish, but the fact that he wants to spend time with an eleven year old-"

Rachel looked at her with a tearful frown. "The fact he wants to spend time with me."

Quinn sighed. "Rach," she said quietly. "It's not you. It's the concept. He freaks me out." She watched Rachel face carefully. "And I think he freaks you out too."

Rachel bit her bottom lip. "It's not him though. It's because of what happened..." She rung out her hands. "I can't... I ….I don't want to be scared for the rest of my life that everyone might be bad."

Quinn looked at her. "But that doesn't mean you over-compensate with situations that make you feel uncomfortable."

She chewed her lip more intently. "It's not him, Quinn. It's me. And I... I can't let it be me."

"Rachel," Quinn said turning to her. "What I'm telling you is that it's clearly not just him. We all have a bad feeling."

Rachel bit her lip. "I can't help that. But I don't."

"Seriously?" Quinn asked.

Rachel bit her lip. "My entire life has been dictated because of what he did. And yes, I'm scared of people sometimes... I clearly don't know how to socialize with my peers."

"When you say it like that, that's obvious," Quinn said.

She shook her head and continued. "I … I want to be normal to blend in." She looked up at the blonde. "You figured it out."

"I don't think that's a good thing, Rachel."

She looked down at her feet. "People know about me... about what happened and I can't... I have no way of being normal. I can't even pretend... and I just... the only thing I have control over is how I see people." She looked up at her. "My mom told me when I was little that not everyone in the world would hurt me. After...um... well,... when I got out of the shelter I had a hard time meeting new people. My mom worked with me on that... but then... Then she said I became too friendly. I just... I can't get it right." She looked at Quinn. "I just know that I can't live my life thinking that everyone who cares about me that's not in my family is going to hurt me... but that's my instinct. I'm trying to rewrite that."

"You let me in," Quinn said quietly.

"Yeah, well...That's because..." Rachel trailed off.

"Because why?" Quinn frowned.

She paused for a moment before looking up. "Because we're the same," she finally said. She held the older girl's gaze for a second before turning away. "I'm sorry, Quinn." The blonde shot her a quick frown. For what? her look said. "I think ….." Quinn watched as she chewed her lip. "I know that... I don't understand a lot... but … I..." She looked up at Quinn and bit her lip. "I think you would have made a good mom."

Quinn froze. "Rachel," she managed. She shook her head and felt her mouth drop open as a tear fell gracelessly down her cheek.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Rachel said repeatedly.

The older girl felt like she was choking on her heart. It was literally lodged in the back of her throat. Her instincts were telling her to literally push Rachel away. They were telling her to run. However, it wasn't simply like that. Rachel looked like the apologies were consuming her alive. Quinn somehow managed to swallow her heart, unclench her fists, and for the probably the real first time in her life she saw how much someone could care about someone else. She wanted to be selfish. She wanted to run and bury herself in the corner and throw things across the room. She watched Rachel shower her in apologies. She wanted to leave her. She wanted to walk away from her, but somehow she was planted. She was torn because in that moment she realized it wasn't just about her.

"I shouldn't... I was listening... in the study... I'm sorry. I just... I'm sorry," she stuttered. "I just...I'm sorry."

Quinn frowned and pulled her toward her. It felt awkward; it felt out of place. However, Rachel leaned in. Just like Quinn had seen her do with Santana countless times. She took a deep breath and rubbed Rachel's back lightly. She had seen Shelby do that. That's what she was supposed to do right? Comforting? She couldn't help but still feel uncomfortable holding someone else, but she knew that this wasn't about her. She chewed her lip and formed words.

"Okay," she finally managed. "It's okay."

Rachel leaned more into her and stopped allowing the apologies to consumer her. She looked up at Quinn. "Things will get better," she whispered. "I know I'm only eleven, but I really think that."

"You do, do you?" Quinn laughed, sitting up.

"We should go downstairs," Rachel said quietly as she headed toward the door grabbing her monkey.

"Rach," she said quietly. She was going to try. She was going to leap. Maybe the words weren't true completely, but they were true enough. The tiny girl looked up at her, expectantly. "I'm glad you're my sister too."

Quinn couldn't help but smile when Rachel's face seemed to glow. She shook her head. "Don't tell Santana though," she said quickly.

Rachel nodded, grateful for a secret. "I promise." She smiled.

…...

After about an hour, Rachel was asleep. It took an hour and seven minutes before Noah was snoring. Santana watched as her mother fought sleep. She was out after an hour and fifty-four minutes. She looked over Rachel's snoring form on the couch. Quinn was still awake watching the movie, absently.

Quinn didn't need to look at Santana to know she was looking at her. "I don't want to talk. Go away. I clearly want to find out what happens."

The brunette scoffed. "Well, I don't want to talk either," Santana said.

Quinn looked up. Santana continued to surprise her. When your secrets are posted and photocopied around school, one usually assumed you hid in your room, apparently not Santana Corcoran.

"Sorry," Quinn mumbled.

Santana shook her head and shifted the sleeping girl in her lap. "They're all sleeping. Trust me. They can't hear us." She looked back at the movie. Silence blanketed them for a few moments. "Okay, I lied. I do want to talk." The blonde snapped her head toward Santana. The brunette continued. "But not about what you think." Santana sighed. "You need to come with us to Florida."

"Santana, I'm not-" However, she didn't get a chance to finish.

"You are. My mom never cancelled your ticket and she never called the group home." Quinn looked at her in surprise. "And it's a good thing, because there's no chance you're not going now."

The blonde huffed. "So why even bother to convince me?" She shook her head. "Shouldn't you be dealing with your own shit?"

Quinn immediately regretted her words, but as always she couldn't take them back. "I didn't mean-" She braved a glance toward the brunette. Santana was staring at the ground with a frown.

"Some dick said something to me today," Santana said to the ground and to Quinn. "He said, 'How does it feel to have all your secrets out of the closet, dyke?'" Santana shook her head. She gave a small, but confused smile. "You know what?" Quinn looked at her. "What's terrible is that I thought... If... if this is what this feels like..." She gathered her words with a frown and glossy eyes. She chewed her lip and then she continued, "Then how much worse would it feel if everything else was out there." She looked at Quinn as she wiped away a stray tear. "You know?" Quinn could only nod in silence, because she most certainly knew. "I wanted to talk to you about Florida because you need to give it a chance."

"Why?" Quinn asked breaking their moment and returning to be huffy.

"Because sitting in a dingy house with twenty other teenage girls is so much worse than where we're going." Santana turned her body to face her. "They live on a farm." She met a deeper frown and the girl put her hand up. "Hear me out. I can't describe it to you, Quinn, but there it feels like nothing else exists. It's the best escape. I know that you don't think of yourself as part of our family and it's probably hella awkward. And to some degree I get that. But you can sulk the whole trip or swallow your pride and actually let yourself come with us without wallowing." Santana looked at her hands. "I get that you think that we're going to ditch you if you do bad things or whatever..." She looked up and met her eyes. "And you are a pretty damn big bitch sometimes." Both of them smiled. "But I'm not going to let anyone force you to leave. I might want to kill you a lot …and in some ways I'm still figuring out where you stand or whatever in this family too, but I know this. This house is your house and you never close the shower curtain when you're finished. You always turn that stupid bathroom fan on whenever you're in there. Like it or not Quinn, I accept that you're here. And I don't know what the hell that means if we're related or whatever, but I know that you're here." Santana stood up. "So...do what you want but you should come to Florida without a fight."

"I don't do grandparents well," Quinn said causing Santana to pause. Santana turned and tightening her arms around Rachel and looked at her. "Mine used to visit and they ….. I didn't like them and they didn't like me."

Santana frowned. She never pushed Quinn for information but for some reason after this day, she needed to. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing extravagantly big or even shocking... They were just...When my mother's parents got too old and frail to spank me or Frannie, they screamed at us and told us what was wrong with us and made us repeat it." Quinn shrugged. "I know that my life is everyone else's nightmare … but I just... I don't want to have something better."

Santana sighed and looked over at Quinn. "Just because you think you deserve bad things doesn't mean that you do."

Quinn scoffed. "Shouldn't you practice what you preach?" She met Santana's eyes and was surprised to see a slight grin.

"Probably, but it's easier to preach than do," she told her. "Listen, I don't know all that's happened. But I know you're not stupid and I know that you know it's wrong and shouldn't have happened, but I also know that doesn't mean that you don't question if you deserved it. It's hard to let people care about you. I get that. My grandparents are going to be pissed when they find out what we did." She shook her head and smiled. "We're probably going to have to do really gross chores around the estate." She looked over at Quinn, who surprisingly wasn't wearing a frown. "But I don't know how to describe them. They're not just good grandparents they're good people. And I think they'll like you."

"I think your grandma knew my mom," Quinn said quietly.

"Knew? Your mom's not dead, Q," Santana said.

"Well, that part of her is," she replied.

Santana shifted. "People change, but they don't miraculously turn into terrible people. There was someone there to begin with. And I'm sure my Nana knew that part of your mom, too."

Quinn looked up at Santana. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Not excusing her."

Santana nodded. "Trust me," she said with a glare. "If my stepfather called asking for forgiveness from his tiny prison cell in upstate New York, I certainly wouldn't say 'I forgive you.' It's not about redemption. It never is. People make bad choices. Everyone does and you can never take them back. It's living with them that's the bitch. I'm living with mine and so are you. But your mother and that piece of a man can suffer with theirs and grin and bear it."

Quinn nodded quietly. "Fine," she muttered. "Now shut up. I want to finish this."

Santana shifted back into the couch and leaned her head on her mother and ran her hand unconsciously through Rachel's hair. On the other side of the couch, Quinn relaxed into the couch. She wasn't going to lean on anyone, but she let her eye lids get heavier. Neither of them noticed Shelby's satisfied smile.

…...

The next morning felt so sluggish. There were no alarms besides the Rachel alarm. She bounced away in Santana's arms at eight fourteen.

"Are we sleeping in?" she stage whispered into Shelby's ear.

"Yes," Noah and Santana groaned.

Quinn opened her eyes. There was something about this couch.

"We're getting up. Let's go," Shelby coached but didn't seem to make any movement to leave.

"Mom, you're not moving," Rachel announced.

"Thank you, Rach," Shelby said. "Upstairs, please. Let's go."

The four of them groaned. Santana held onto Rachel tighter and tried to curl back into the couch.

"Santana, let me go," Rachel squealed. "I am not a pillow pet!"

Santana smiled in her sleep. "You are so a pillow pet. Shhhh, pillow pet."

"Santana, your sister isn't an object," Shelby said helping Rachel stand.

The older girl sighed. "Pillow pet, come back."

"Santana!" Rachel sighed.

"Santana, knocked it off," Noah said throwing Rachel over his shoulder. "She's not a pillow pet."

"Noah! I'm not a sack of potatoes either. Put me down!" Noah ignored her and carried her up the stairs.

Santana sat up groggily. She rubbed her eyes and looked at her mother who was staring at her intently. She looked around her and over at Quinn. She licked her lips awkwardly. "Well, uh... clearly, you need to talk. I'm just gonna... uh...Bye."

Quinn watched Santana disappear into the kitchen and she couldn't help but feel like she was standing on a naked stage. She gave Shelby a tight-mouthed smile.

"What?" she asked after a moment.

"I had to call Jackie late last night," Shelby said quietly.

Quinn felt her heart drop for what seemed like the millionth time. She frowned. "What?"

"It's policy that for any incidents that occur I have to explain the situation to them," she explained.

"What?" she asked again.

Shelby took a deep breath. "We have a meeting at eleven today. You're going to speak with Jackie as well as Elyse."

"Why?" she asked shaking her head.

"Because we need to check in with you, Quinn." She took a deep breath. "We need to see what you want."

"What do you mean, 'what I want?'"

"If you want to stay here," Shelby said. "If you want to go to Florida."

"You don't want me to go to Florida? You don't want me to-"

"That's not what I'm saying, Quinn," Shelby interrupted.

"That's actually what you just said," Quinn interrupted back.

"I want you to come. To me that's where you belong with the family, but we need to check in. See if things are okay. What happened at school isn't going to be ignored."

"What happened at school?" she asked with another frown.

"Do you want to talk about it with me?"

Quinn shook her head. "You don't want me here."

Shelby could see she was losing her. "Quinn, I'm going to go into that meeting telling them that I think you're where you need to be. Your home is with me. I think of you as my daughter. I want you here more than I think you know. I don't want you to leave, but from an outsider's perspective, your …... " Shelby swallowed. She continued hesitantly. "Your violent ways might be seen differently... as a cry for help."

"I wasn't acting out!" Quinn said. She wanted to stay at the Corcorans. She didn't realize how badly until that moment, until the moment that it was questioned. She wanted to be here. She frowned. So much had changed when she wasn't looking. Suddenly she was caring.

"Do you want to tell me what happened yesterday?"

She looked up at her. What was she going to say? How was she going to explain?

"I …. " she trailed off.

"Quinn, what you say won't change my mind. I still want you here. I'm still going to tell them that today at the meeting." She leaned down and met Quinn's eyes. "And I'm going to fight tooth and nail for that."

"That phrase makes no sense," Quinn muttered. She took a deep breath. "Finn … ummm..." She shook her head. Was she really going to say something? Was she really going to have this discussion? Was she really going to say the truth.

"You guys dated right?" Quinn looked up at her, baffled. "I heard you mention it once. I think actually, Santana mentioned it."

She shook her head. "He ….. He um..." She seemed to stumble over her words. She bit her lip. "That thing... that we talked about... that you and Elyse talked to me about... Well, he decided to have the discussion with me in front of the whole school..." She let the information sink the older woman's ears.

Shelby was silent for a second. As Quinn expected, she was drawn in for a hug. "Are you alright?" she asked for a moment.

"No," Quinn whispered. "But... uh... I didn't hit him because of that... he called Brittany and Santana something terribly rude..." She shrugged. "Brittany's the one that hit him after he and I had that … um... discussion..."

Shelby sighed. "Do you want to talk to me about it?"

"Not really," she said quietly.

"Okay," Shelby sighed. "I want you, Quinn. I love you. I want you in this house. I want you to come on this trip. You are home here. You need to be honest with Jackie and Elyse today. You don't have to tell me what you're going to say, but you need to be honest with them."

Quinn nodded. She wasn't sure at what point she showered, dressed and arrived in Elyse's office. All she knew was that was where she was now. She felt like she was drugged. Her mind felt splattered. There was too much to think about. There was too much to say. However, she knew what she was going to say. She knew exactly what.

…...

Shelby sat anxiously outside of the office. Jackie had spoken to Quinn. Elyse was finishing up with Quinn. She wasn't sure what she was going to say. She really didn't. She was still reading Quinn. However, based on the conversation she heard between Santana and her the night before. She wanted to be here too. Right? She felt her heart in her chest as the door opened. Quinn walked out and looked at Shelby. She couldn't tell if it was a look of regret, apology or exhaustion.

Shelby stood. "Aunt Joey and the kids are waiting for you in the coffee shop downstairs," she said. Quinn nodded and gave a weak smile. She walked toward the door, but paused. "You're alright," Shelby called out. "I'll be down in a few minutes."

Quinn glanced back once more and exited the room.

Shelby took a deep breath. "Alright."

Jackie sat down. "I'm going to say it, Shelby," she began. "It feels as if you have your hands too full. Quinn might be too much for you."

"Jackie," Shelby began in an argumentative tone.

"Hear her out," Elyse advised.

"Everything that happened at McKinley was crazy. Too much. The police were called in," Jackie said. "I know that you love Quinn. I'm not questioning that, but you need to focus on your own children."

"She is my child, Jackie. As fast as I'm concerned, she's my child," Shelby said. "I know it seems like a lot. It is, but I'm not going to fail her. I'm not going to fall short. If you take her from me, it'll do more harm then good," Shelby argued.

"She needs special care and attention, Shelby," Jackie argued. "That's why we chose you as placement. However, if you're up to your ears in your own children's issues, someone is bound to fall short. You are a single mother with four children and …..."

"And what?" Shelby challenged.

"I mean no offense, Shelby," Jackie began.

"And what?" Shelby pushed again.

"Your kids need more attention," Jackie said carefully. "More attention than normal. And with Quinn in the mix, I just don't want things to fall through."

"Quinn's home is with me, Jackie. Please don't question the placement. I know it seems like a lot right now, but it's not."

Jackie sighed. "What if something happens?"

"Then it happens, and we deal with it," Shelby challenged. "She is a part of this family, Jackie. I know that it might seem like things aren't going well, but please give this chance. She's sees it too. She may not see it but I do. The way she is with Santana and Rachel. She stuck up for them at school. This may not be the progress were were expecting but it's progress."

Jackie combed her hand through her hair. "Elyse?"

"I agree, Jackie. I know that this isn't what we hoped for, but we knew she was a bit of a wild card. The simple fact that her aggression at school instigated not because of herself but from the need to protect them, is so so essential."

Jackie sighed. "I see that. I do. But I'm concerned. I don't know that going away on a family vacation is what she needs."

Shelby opened her mouth again, but was interrupted. "I think that it's exactly what she needs," Elyse pushed. "Let's be honest. Judy Fabray isn't getting Quinn back any time soon. Certainly not until the trial is over and dates for that haven't even been set yet. Quinn needs consistency and she's getting it at Shelby's. She fought because she was sticking up for this family. She didn't tell me all that happened, but …. She punched Finn because he called Santana a dyke. She broke Whitney's nose because she called Noah a coward and she wrestled Ruth Marks to the ground because she said something terrible about Rachel." Elyse shook her head with a smile. "This is more progress than I can describe."

"I see what you're saying," Jackie said. "I just. I worry about her."

"So do I," Shelby interrupted.

"I just don't know if this is what she needs. A family vacation?" Jackie asked again.

Elyse nodded. "This is exactly what she needs. They leave Friday. They're only gone for four days. The key is Jackie that I guarantee if you transfer her to a different home, even if it's just for Florida, she's going to regress. She expects it. She expects that people will let her down and she feels responsible because she did fight. She and I talked and she wants to go. She wasn't begging to go. It's not what Florida could bring. It's what it represents. This is a huge step for Quinn. I've never seen that girl look forward to anything. I know we're all bias because we know each other and clearly we're emotionally invested in this case, but this is what she needs."

Jackie signed and looked at her coworkers. "I know. She told me."

"So what's the issue?" Shelby asked.

"The issue is that I don't want to fail her."

Shelby sighed and looked at Jackie. "Neither do I."

"Fine," she sighed. "She goes. She shook her head. I will be on call for you though. ANYTHING happens. I want to know."

"I will send you daily reports if you want, Jackie," Shelby said.

"This will be good for her. She'll be able to have a real vacation," Elyse said.

"But everything will be waiting for her when she gets back," Jackie said.

"All the more reason to go," Shelby encouraged. She stood up. "Thank you." She nodded. "We'll see you tomorrow for the visit?"

Jackie nodded. The woman headed for the door. "I appreciate all of your passion, Shelby. I'm sorry I meant nothing in offense to your family."

She nodded. "I know." With that, she left the office.

Shelby walked downstairs and allowed herself to take in everyone in the coffee shop. Joey was telling some animated story about one of her clients. Rachel was leaning against Santana. Quinn even cracked a smile at the story. Rachel as always spotted her first.

"Hi, Mom," she said from Santana's arms, unaware of the tension.

Quinn's smile fade and she looked over at Shelby. Santana watched Quinn for a moment and then looked at her mother. Shelby took a deep breath and gave Quinn a gentle glance. "Let's go home."

Quinn searched Shelby's face. She gave her a small smile. "Okay."

…...

Rachel swung her legs over the edge of the chair. She watched her brother carefully. Her mother had just told him to watch her as she and Quinn talked outside. Noah was looking through a magazine silently.

"Noah," Rachel whispered.

"Yeah?" he asked without looking up.

"Noah?" she asked again.

"What, Rach?"

"Noah?" he sighed and put down the magazine. "What's up, Rachel?" he asked looking at her with all of his attention. She chewed her lips all of sudden unsure of her question. "Spit it out, bug."

"Did you..." she asked quietly. "Did you know about, Sanny?"

He looked at her. "She's still the same person, bug."

She chewed her lip. "I know that. I know her and Brittany like each other like that..." she looked at her hands. "I'm not scared or anything about that." She looked up at her big brother. "I just... did you know?"

"In a way, yeah," he said with a nod. "But it was her thing. It wasn't our job to tell her what to do-"

"No one tells Santana what to do," Rachel replied.

"That's right," he responded.

"Does that mean... she dosen't like doing things with boys?"

Noah froze. This conversation was diving into a place where he was very unfamiliar. "What... What...What do you mean?"

"...I …. I was thinking about the room." Noah wanted to throw up. Keep focusing on Rachel, he coached himself. He knew exactly what room she was talking about. She was talking about New York. "I wasn't the only one that went into that room." He bit his lip and took a deep breath.

"Rachel," he said, finally finding is voice. "Sexuality is not determined by what happened to you or what you think you can or cannot do. It's part of you."

She frowned. "Who told you that?"

"Dad," he said. "I was a little younger than you when he left Mom, remember?" He nudged her. "You don't think I had questions?" Rachel shrugged. "Look at me, bug." She looked up at him as she bit her lip. "Santana is still Santana."

"I know that," she whispered. "I know that she loves Brittany."

"But," Noah pushed.

She shrugged. "Mom says that love is love and it doesn't matter." He nodded. That was never a question in their house. "Will I ever love anyone?"

He looked at her with a tilt of his head. "Absolutely, Rach."

"You never loved Whitney."

"That's different."

"What if we can't love? What if that part of us is..." she searched for her words. "Paralyzed."

"This is isn't about Santana loving Brittany is it?" He shook his head. "Labels, Rach, are crap. They try to simplify things in a complicated world. Dad said that a lot. I mean, look at me." She looked up at him after a few moments. "Don't ever worry about being or not being a label."

She frowned, confused. "What if I want a label?" She stared at her brother. "I know that I shouldn't be worried about labels but if the world is full of labels shouldn't I...want one...?" She watched. "Isn't that what Whitney wanted? You to be your boyfriend?"

Noah looked at his sister. How were they talking about that again? Thankfully the door opened and Santana stepped out.

"Why do you look like that?" she asked folding her arms.

Rachel shrugged. "We were just talking."

Noah looked at his sisters. He never felt so confused as he did in that moment. He had no idea what had happened. He stood up and he looked over at Rachel. Santana pulled her into her arms. Was his dad full of crap? He frowned and went into the room for his session, his mind full of Rachel's questions and ones of his own.

…...

Santana never felt more awkward than she did in that moment. She had spent a good portion of her childhood with the Pierce family. However, as they sat across from her in the living room she couldn't help but feel out of place.

Valerie rummaged through Shelby's papers and handouts. She looked over at Tom. "I think this is the best way that Brittany can spend her week of suspension." He nodded. "Don't take this as a victory, Brit, just because you are spending it with San and Quinnie." She looked up at Shelby. "It looks like you have a lot cut out for you."

Brittany nodded.

"They're right, Brittany," Shelby said. "It's a lot of running. Suicides, push ups, all of it. It won't be social hour." She looked at her own daughter. "We need to clear that up right now. However," Shelby said looking at the Pierces. "We recognize that situation as it is and while we certainly don't approve of your violent behavior, we think you should be together." Shelby exchanged a look with Valerie and Tom.

Valerie nodded. "While you are grounded from the computer, cell phone and all other forms of electronic communication, your father and I, along with Mrs. Corcoran have decided to approve one form of communication between the two of you: Good old fashioned letter writing. We will respect your privacy, but we will be delivering the mail between you two."

"Seriously?" Brittany asked.

"Your mother is being very lienient with you, Brit," Tom encouraged. "Especially after what you did to Finn Hudson's face, deserving of that as he may be." He tried his best to conceal a smile thanks to a nudge from his wife. "We just simply can't encourage you to uh... fight your battles like that."

"Tom," Valerie hissed. "You're not helping. We're supposed to punish her for her behavior."

"

The parents moved into the other room. Santana looked at her quietly. She hadn't said a word directly to her since the Pierces had arrived.

"I think that maybe," she began quietly. "I would have been mad. Before I mean... Before I got to know Quinn. I could have been mad... But now." She searched Brittany's eyes. "I...uh...I'm glad she had you." Her voice was soft and genuine. She shook her head. "She certainly didn't have me as a friend to turn to."

"She didn't want to be friends with you either," Brittany reminded. "But that doesn't matter, now you are." She looked at her hands. "I'm really sorry about what happened with Rachel in the gym. I never should have sent her off."

Santana nodded quietly, shifting her weight. "I know."

Noah came out of the house followed by Quinn and Rachel. "Let's do this," he muttered.

Brittany looked at him as she finished tying her sneakers. "I mean how bad can it be?"

"You'll be surprised," Shelby said emerging from the garage on the bicycle. "We're going to do a little jog around the neighborhood."

Rachel looked up at Santana who only rolled her eyes. Shelby snapped her helmet in place. "The only rule is when I move, you move. Let's get going." The five of them looked at her with a sigh but all eased into gentle jog. Quinn eased into a pace. She looked around. She dealt with Sue Sylvester for two years. How bad could a jog be?

However, after about twenty minutes, Quinn was starting to reconsider. Shelby hadn't had them do a gentle jog. It was a sprint-jog. It felt like a cruel, cruel game of musical chairs. She never knew when Shelby was going speed up. It was exhausting.

"This feels like punishment," Brittany moaned as they ran around the block for twenty-fifth time.

"It is," Shelby responded from her bicycle.

Quinn looked over breathlessly at Rachel. "How are you keeping up?"

Rachel shrugged. "Barely."

"She doesn't have exercise induced asthma," Shelby commented from the bike. "I'm not that cruel Quinn.

"I don't understand the point," Noah said trying not to show his own exhaustion as Shelby sped up.

"It's to exhaust us so we don't cause more trouble," Rachel said with a crest-fallen look as they passed the house for the countless time. "Mom," she whined.

"No whining in boot camp, Rach," Shelby announced.

"I hate bootcamp," Rachel moaned. She caught her mother's eyes. "I'm not whining. I'm expressing my opinion in an elongated tone."

After a never ending jog-run-sprint around the neighborhood, Shelby finally stopped in front of the house. Brittany collapsed on the ground. Santana fell next to her.

"That was awful," she muttered.

Santana turned her head and looked at her. She gave a weak smile. Her smile faded when Rachel practically fell on top of her. "Oof," she moaned.

"I think this is effective," Quinn growled into the ground.

Noah laid down next to them as the five of them watched the light disappear from the sky. "That was just Mom," he complained. "Tomorrow is Sue."

The old three girls moaned. "What?" Rachel asked.

Brittany's parents pulled up to the house. "Say goodnight, Brittany," Shelby said emerging from the garage. "Everyone else. House now."

They pulled up each other up to their feet. Brittany looked at Santana. They didn't speak she just looked at her. Santana had no idea was she was thinking.

"Girls," Valerie yelled from the car.

"I um... Tomorrow," Santana said. "See you then?"

Brittany nodded. She leaned in and rested her cheek on Santana's. "I'm happy we're suffering together."

Santana smiled. "Ditto."

Brittany pulled away and started for the care. She smiled. "Write me?"

Santana smiled. "Okay."

None of this made sense, but somehow it fit. At least for now.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

amandaes417 – it doesn't matter how long you take you review – I just love that you review. They are on their way to Florida at the beginning of next chapter but because of events happening in this chapter it may not be as happy as it was meant to be. Please brace yourself for this chapter a lot is going on in this one as well. Thanks again for the review.

Emily - Thanks so much for your review. Puck is certainly not an afterthought in Shelby's mind trust me - she does not want him giving up his dream to make sure his sisters are safe. And that will be explored more in Shelby's one on one's with him. However, there are some things that Puck will accept better when coming from another man's point of view and if Leroy was alive he would have a "mans" point of view. Unfortunately, he is not so it that task belongs to his uncle. I am certainly not saying that single parents can't raise a child of the opposite sex properly because my sister is a single mom with a son however, when it comes to talking about sex with him I think my nephew would benefit by both a female and male point of view. And since Shelby has a brother in law that can step into that role, she will use her whole family to help guide her kids to grow into healthy loving adults. The trauma that his sisters endured is bad and when it happened so early in their lives it has affected all aspects of how they see and interact with people. Puck being the oldest and not sexually assaulted could handle things better - although he has been through lots of therapy himself. Puck has taken it upon himself as the big brother to try and help fix their lives and not think of himself much - this will be addressed as well. As much as the bad people have been uber bad - I think I have shown also there are good people in this world. Unfortunately there are kids every single day in high school as bad as Ruth, Finn and Whitney. High school is a very very rough place to be sometimes. Judy is an alcoholic that hates her own life and is intent on destroying it as well as her childs - to let your husband rape your daughter and not do anything about it is beyond awful and it unfortunately happens in real life way too often.

Lulu - Amazing that you read it in one sitting! Thank you - Shelby is an amazing mom and she will constantly be tested but she will prevail. It may be rough but these are real things that do happen so she will tackle them head on. thank you for reviewing.

Fangirl44- Thank you for your review. Shelby's punishments are great and she could see that the "groundings" were not working as of late. She will certainly go back to them at some point but at this moment all the kids need structure and she needs to be able to keep them in line to move forward. Rachel's opening a little will most likely shut a little in this chapter for obvious reasons but it is a long story and with the love and encouragement from her family it is one that she will overcome.

needscoffee – thank you so much – San and Quinn are more alike than they want to admit so they will be bonding a lot more in the coming chapters too.

w1cked – If you hated Will that chapter you are going to really hate him this chapter – but this has been planned from the beginning so please hang on and stay with me. Shelby finds out this chapter that Kurt has stopped going to the lessons – but the question remains if Rachel will tell about what is happening. She may go to a dark place but please remember this story is not over anytime soon – Thanks for the review and grab yourself a box of tissues.

Shauna – Shelby does need lots of hugs because there is lots of drama and issues going on with her 4 kids right now. As much as she is a trained therapist – she is also the mom so her heart breaks for these kids. She has a lot of support and that is what they need. Rachel is an eleven year old trying to figure out what is going on and how she can grow up and not be treated like a baby – she is on the fence on what to do – hang on because things get bumpier for her – Thanks for reviewing

NayaFan – Sitting on the roof was a favorite thing of mine – time for me to think about things away from everyone else so I felt like Santana would love that – Although they are turning into sisters Rachel and Quinn's relationship will be different than Rachel and San's because of what they went through and I am enjoying the different aspects of them all. I have to say I love it when I get a review from a fellow writer because I know you know the need to make the characters feelings expressed in different ways. Thank you so much for reviewing.

Iuterpi – Thank you so much for your review. The family is bonding nicely but there are bumps and will continue to be bumps because the stuff that they have all gone through is not small. Noah is going back into regular therapy because Shelby notices this and needs him to start focusing on himself more. As much as he is there for his sisters and his mom – he needs to be an 18 year old kid and realize that making himself better will make his sisters better. The Rachel alarm is one of my favorite parts as well. I am happy that you are enjoying this story so much I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. As I said the chapters are already planned out so barring illness or an increased workload the schedule so hold.

Cookie – Thank you so much for reviewing. I am so glad that you like Santana – she is a challenge to write but one that I am more than willing to take. Santana is learning to love all over again and with Brittany and to some extent Quinn is now is going beyond her family – although she does consider Quinn her family now. She now will have to accept that she is worthy of love but that will take her time to figure that out.

SuzQQ – Please don't think that I don't love your lengthy reviews because I do – a lot. Mr. Schue is going to have another meeting with Rachel but this part of the story was planned from the beginning and as was most of what happens in this story so as hard as it is for me to write – it is where the story must go to have the ending that was planned. You are correct the interactions between everyone is always different because the abuse, the trauma, their personalities are all different so the way they express themselves is all different. Boot camp will be torturous and it will continue even after FL for awhile. Thank you for your continuous support!

.there – this chapter will definitely Santana and Rachel moments and as they bond more and more you will see all the siblings (which includes Quinn) bonding more – with maybe a few arguments because who doesn't fight with their siblings. Changes is still very near and dear to my heart. I am continuing I just don't when I can post a quality chapter and I don't like to put out a date and miss it. Thank you for reviewing.

broadwaybound2016 – Thank you for your love! I am very happy that you liked it. I used to do it when I was a kid so I pictured it for Santana. I promise more Rachel and Quinn moments too.!

Kimberlli – Well if there really is a Mr. Schuester type teacher in your area run far and wide from him. I am hoping that this story will get all of us through this long hiatus – but it will be filled with lots of angst so I hope people will enjoy the ride. It will be a tough one but I am doing my best to show continued growth as well as a well written story. Thank you for your kind review.

Gleek1990 – Hold on to your seat and have a box of tissues ready because your feeling is correct. It is more evident in this chapter that Quinn is one of the family now more than ever. Thank you for reviewing.

MaJorReader619 - Well hold on because the Thursday meeting is in this chapter and it is filled with all sorts of drama. Then off to FL next chapter.. Thank you for the review.

piecesofyourheart – Well he is not going to die anytime soon if at all – unless one of my readers jumps into the story and kills him. Shelby is the ultimate mama bear in this story. The show did not do her the justice. Wasted Idina's acting ability in my eyes but…. She now feels she is truly Quinn's mom and will do anything for her new daughter – no matter how much Quinn fights it – she is her mom. They are leaving for Florida in next chapter but unfortunately events leading up to Florida may not allow them to have the happy time that they want to have in Florida. Your words regarding my writing made me so happy. Thank you so much.

marinka4 – please be sitting down when you read this chapter then. Things are going in the direction you think they are. Florida may not be a happy time for all. Thanks for your continued support.

Tcathing – more epic heartbreaking I am afraid. Rachel is eleven and very stubborn sometimes. So read with caution. I promise in the end of this long story – we are not close to the end – things will find a way of working out. Thank you for reviewing and I hope you continue reading.

Abbie – Take care of yourself. I am sorry you are having a rough couple of weeks. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my story.

OhhsnappitsTashaa – you cannot wait for the drama well here it is – and it is dreadful. Shelby will need all her supermom skills for this chapter and more. But she will do it and so will her mom, sister, and other relatives. She is a great mom but she also needs her support to get them through this – thanks for your review. I am honored that it is your favorite story.

NinjaGleek21 As much as you want to set him on fire – not yet – he has a little longer to go trust me and then I think I can unleash my readers on him. I will leave you to dispose of the body ok – Thank you for your support with this story but hold on – this chapter is going to make you hate him more.

Renata – The other cheerios will not be joining in on bootcamp. This is shelby's new form of grounding and these kids need it. Even though they hate it – their minds need to escape the trauma and drama that they are living. It is an outlet for them and if Shelby chose to stop punishing it would look like a sign that she is giving up which is something that she would never ever do. Florida may be rough after this chapter but they are going and there will be some happy moments. Thank you for continuing to review.

HIsland429 – Brittana is strong in this story but it is all new to them and they will have their struggles. It's definitely an aspect I'll explore for awhile. Nothing bad happened to Kurt – except his ego was hurt. Thanks for reviewing.

Ryoko05 – Ok please read this chapter in a calming place. You are not going to be happy but I have to go here. So no heart failure – please I cant be held responsible. I hope you like it. Thank you for reviewing.

thisisnutz – I am glad you enjoyed this chapter – please hold on for this chapter. It is a crazy one. Thank you for reviewing.

OTHangels – Brittana will work things out and the parents do notice that they need to communicate but at the same time – they can not condone their behavior and Santana has been acting out a lot and it is not in Shelby's nature to let Santana get away with things. She needs discipline because her and Quinn are wild cards that act impulsively before thinking it out and that would not be good later in life. Thanks for reviewing.

TommyH – you can definitely picture Rachel as a pillow pet! Thank for your review.

**This chapter is whirlwind, and a difficult one at that. It's difficult for more than one reason. Some of you since chapter 1 have been talking about Will and Rachel. It all really **_**begins**_ **in this chapter. Some of you expected something to happen and you all need to be prepared that this chapter is triggering. However, I don't think anyone predicted what happens. I'm very nervous about how you all are going to react to this chapter. **

Santana glanced around. It was six in the morning. Santana hadn't seen the sun rise in ….. She couldn't remember when. She didn't remember the sunrising, let alone be outside in running clothes and her sneakers. Rachel had her sweatshirt hood pulled up over her head. She tugged the strings on the hood of her sweatshirt with nervousness. Sue Sylvester arrived. Santana could see Rachel look up at the older girls and leaned in to her side as she simultaneously slipped her hand into Quinn's, who stood on the other side. She tilted her head from side to side in the most childlike ways. Quinn looked exhausted as if she had been up all night debating. She still looked pensive. Santana narrowed her eyes when she spotted her brother. He looked like he was hungover. Not just tired but as if he was in physical pain. His eyes were slightly closed. She scowled. Was he sleeping? Finally, her eyes stopped on Brittany who was standing next to her. She felt her face relax. She and Brittany had barely spoken since she arrived about five minutes prior. They simply kept looking at each other. At countless glance number unknown, Rachel finally asked them what they were doing. She wasn't sure what she was thinking, but her neck seemed to come unhinged and look over at Brittany. She had questions, concerns, and then she had nothing other than a desire for a reason to ask her something. They hadn't spoken about anything real since the cat walk. She felt she was a lost balloon; she was flying, but she was full of air.

Santana didn't know what to expect. She bit her lip; she lied. She had been practicing with Sue for two years. She knew exactly what to expect. She knew how Sue could push her. She was worried.

"Morning, sloppy babies," Sue said with her hands on her hips. Rachel looked up at Santana. "Don't worry, baby Corcoran. I don't bite hard."

Santana felt Rachel tug on her arm. "Does she really bite?"

"No," Quinn and Santana said immediately.

"Yes," Brittany and Noah said honestly.

"Alright," Sue said raising her whistle. "Let's get started."

Santana felt like she was going to die. She wasn't in terrible shape. She was in the best shape of her sixteen years. She had abs for Christ's sakes. However, it was now seven am and they were still in bootcamp and she was dead. Sue had them do a run sprint similar to what her mother had her do the day before. Rachel started to slow down behind the others. Santana shot Sue a warning look.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, Tweedle Tits" Sue said casually. "Baby Corcoran, grab a bike on the next lap past your house."

When the run- sprint finished. Sue had them start on a race-relay of suicides, up downs, and push ups. Rachel had to do two minute-five minute bicycle sprints around the block. Countless suicides and push ups later, the five of them were back at the house sprawled on the lawn hoping for death to take them away.

"How's it going?" Shelby asked emerging from the house to greet Valerie with a cup of coffee when the other mother pulled up.

"I've died. I'm dead," Santana announced.

Quinn turned on her side on the lawn. "I think my heart's under the car or in the drive way or maybe in that tree over there."

"I feel like sh-" Noah felt a tiny fist slam in him in the gut. "Gah... I feel like poo. Poo that has been reprocessed and then thrown up..."

Brittany frowned from the ground. "That means someone ate poo."

"Who ate poo?" Rachel asked propping up on her elbows. She winced immediately. "Oh my body."

"Okay, guys," Shelby said. "Thank you, Sue."

"I do not thank you," Santana growled standing up and helping the others to her feet.

"Oh, just you wait," Sue smiled. "I'm just getting started. We are all lucky that these are only one-a-days, but we will take a break since you're going to slack off in the sunshine state."

"Oh, they will not be slacking," Shelby laughed. "We'll definitely keep them busy."

"I think I fell apart," Rachel moaned as she stood up. "It's like I'm Jell-O, which is made of animal bones and-"

"Come on, bug, walk it off," Quinn muttered leading Rachel in, with her back to the family who all seemed to stare after her.

She looked up at her as the rest of the family slowed and watched her. "You never call me that," Rachel said everyones thoughts out loud.

"I'm trying it," Quinn shrugged with her back turned to everyone else briefly with a shrug. "Whatever."

Rachel looked back at her mother who simply gave her a reassuring smile.

Noah ushered them into the house. "Move it. Let's go. I'm starving."

Santana watched Quinn lead Rachel in. She didn't realize she was frowning, but she was because it faded when Brittany stepped into her line of view.

"That was brutal," Brittany laughed. "I um...My mom said she would talk to your mom about me coming over tomorrow to say goodbye."

Santana gave a smirk. "It's only four days."

"But we can't text so... It's forever... And quality time with my parents makes it even longer..." Brittany shifted her weight. Clearly, there was something on her mind.

"What?" Santana asked.

Brittany pulled out a piece of paper. "Your mom said I could give it to you." Santana looked at the piece of paper.

She looked at the piece of paper. "Oh..." Her mouth tried to get around her words but she felt like she resembled a fish. "Thank you," she murmured. She reached out with trepidation and took the folded note. "I …. I don't have anything for you."

Brittany smiled. "I know." She reached out and took Santana's empty hand. "You don't need to. You can just respond."

Santana nodded. All of the sweaty looks they had been exchanging seemed like enough. Santana bit her lip. How was she supposed to come up with words? She was clamming up. "I should go..." she said quietly looking at her feet and taking her hand back. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

Brittany's face was slightly deflated. "Hopefully," she said quietly.

The brunette nodded. She lifted her hand with the letter. "Thanks again." She turned quickly and practically ran into the house, leaving Brittany unsure of her words, said and written.

…...

Showered and still exhausted, Quinn laid her head on the counter. She looked at the clock and groaned. She had to see her mother in seventy-three minutes. She felt too comfortable here because of that she felt like everything was going to fall apart. She could feel it. It was impending. She shook her head. Ever since she let 'bug' slip out when talking to Rachel, the youngest Corcoran had been permanently attached to her side like a parasite. Things were too perfect; if anything was ever close to being good she felt like it was going to crumble.

"I'm finished," Rachel announced rinsing out her smoothie cup.

Santana was still eating her food. She and Noah were starving because of the long workout. Quinn toiled with her own shake, but Santana noticed the blonde actually finished it. Rachel never ate a lot so the fact that she finished the entire smoothie was an accomplishment. It amazed Santana that she wasn't hungrier after that workout, but she was also aware of her history. Rachel didn't eat a lot. She didn't look malnourished, but she did look skinny; it was something they were used to. They didn't push her. They never did in that area. It had taken too many years for even solid food meals to make their way into her diet and then she began a vegan thanks to that field trip theme day: Where Do Hotdogs Come From? Farm to Bun. Santana smirked. Shelby along with most of the other parents had not been happy because most of the kindergartners went on strike at every meal. Santana continued to eat. and gave Rachel a soft smile as the girl approached her.

"Rachel, you did well but you need something else," Shelby said opening the pantry. "You too, Quinn."

"I'm full, Mom," Rachel said leaning against Santana's right side as the older girl continued to eat her eggs and finish her oatmeal and fruit with her left hand. Rachel pointed to the sink. "I drank the whole shake." She pointed to Quinn. "So did, Quinn."

"And it's not enough. You all burned a minimum of nine hundred calories. The workout was two hours. It's not even noon yet. You need more than that four or five hundred calorie shake. You're not starting the day out with negative calories."

Santana felt Rachel's eyes on her as she took another bite of oatmeal. She knew that Rachel was looking for some sort of support. Santana reached out and pulled Rachel closer. However, she remained silent, because Santana knew that her mother was right.

"Mom," Rachel whined.

"Enough, Rachel," Shelby said handing Rachel a box of vegan rice cakes and organic peanut butter. She reached into the pantry and also grabbed two Cliff Bars. "Both of you, two rice cakes with peanut butter and a bar."

"Mom," said a quivering voice.

Shelby looked at Rachel. The girl was tearing up. "I drank my shake like I always do... like I always do...Why are you... You've never pushed me like this."

She looked at her crying daughter. She had to push though because now more than ever she seemed to notice that Rachel was not catching up with the kids in her class. She was barely seventy-five pounds. It never stuck out more than this year when everyone seemed to be developing at a rapid pace and Rachel was still, as always, behind. She made sure that Rachel had her nutrition but it was a battle and it was done in small spurts and mostly in vitamins. Santana and Noah had fit bodies and always ate like starving animals after a practice. Rachel's "binging" was finishing her shake after a long dance rehearsal. It worried Shelby, but it never worried her as much as it worried her in this past week. As she started to map out her approach with Quinn's eating, she realized that the main advantage that Quinn had was that her tiny meals allowed was that she had greater protein sources that Rachel. Quinn ate chicken or cheese or yogurt to revive her body. Rachel at most had peanut butter as a protein source.

"Rachel," she said looking at her. "I know this is a change and that it's scary but you need to eat more. We can work together and do it. You can make charts. There can be options, but we need to increase what you eat. That's not up for discussion." She turned to Quinn. "You need to eat more. We've talked a little bit about this, but starting now, the two of you are going to have an eating plan."

"Why?"

"You know why, Quinn," Shelby said. "You don't eat enough. You know you barely skimp by and we need to have you eat more."

"I'm not going to turn into some kind of hippo!" the older girl spat.

Rachel looked at everyone with wide eyes. "We're going to be hippos?"

"No," Shelby said rolling her eyes. "It's not about gaining weight, Quinn and I think you know that."

Quinn steeled her jaw and looked down at the bars. It wasn't. It wasn't about being fat. She knew she was too active for that. It was that she couldn't do it not that she didn't want to. It reminded her of too much. Why eat when you were going to throw it up? How could she change a survival skill that she had practiced for sixteen years.

She shook her head at Shelby. "I'm fine," she insisted.

Rachel watched her. "Me too," she said with a nod.

"This isn't a debate, girls." Shelby looked at them.

The kitchen seemed to come to an awkward still.

Quinn looked over at Rachel as the tears fell silently down her young face. She was sure that it was because the girl was tired. However, Quinn didn't have tears left in her. She felt like had achieved her tear quota for the week. She watched Rachel and realized she wasn't sure about why the girl was upset. Then it hit her: Ruth had said something about sodomy. While her father had put her through hell, she hadn't had to experience that. She remembered reading online that Rachel had been in the hospital for over a month and she recalled Noah telling her that Rachel had stayed at the shelter because she needed medical assistance. She looked over at the eleven year old. That must have been why.

"It's my body," Rachel whispered.

Santana and Noah both paused mid-bite. Santana looked at her brother. Rachel hadn't said that in years. It was something that they heard during Rachel's meltdowns. It was a phrase that Shelby would whisper her to help calm her down. Santana slowly chewed her oatmeal. She looked over at her family. Rachel was crying. Shelby looked at her. Santana could tell in her eyes that she's replaying the long nights where Rachel woke up crying or the unforgiving and endless doctor's appointments that had Rachel begging to go home.

"Rachel," she said quietly. "It is your own body, but you need to take care of it and you're not. You're eleven and you're starting to go into puberty-''

"No, I won't," Rachel whispered moving closer to her mother so that the others wouldn't hear. "I'll always be like this..."

Shelby tried to suck in her chuckle. "You will not, honey. I promise." She signed. "And in order to grow and get stronger and be better you need to eat better."

"Yeah, Rach you'll be a better Cheerio if you eat," Santana said. "Right, Q?" She arched her brow.

Quinn frowned, but didn't answer.

"Who said that I would become a Cheerio?" Rachel said with an angry frown.

The older kids looked at her with a mixture of frowns. Shelby held up her hands. "We will discuss Rachel in high school later. Thank you." She turned back to the fact of her indignant youngest. "You, Quinn, and I will sit and eat together."

Quinn looked up and said, "I didn't say that I wanted to."

"I didn't say you had a choice," Shelby responded as she placed the food on the counter. "Let's eat." She reached over and wiped Rachel's tears.

Shelby handed Rachel the bag of rice cakes. The girl took one and gave it to Quinn. She paused and looked up at her. Quinn hated that look. It was probably the first time she received that only kind of look and she hated it. She sighed and took the bag. She hated that look so much.

An hour later, Quinn sat quietly in her room. So much had happened. Too much had happened. School, the Corcorans, her father. She hated investing in feelings; she hated feeling. And here she was, getting comfortable. She shook her head slightly; here the world was reminding her not to be comfortable by serendipitously scheduling a meeting with her mother. As usual, she wanted to stay from the visit. However, also as usual, she didn't have a choice. She had a shred of hope because maybe her mother wouldn't show. She chewed her bottom lip. She knew that that usually came with a high price.

"You ready?"

She looked up and Shelby was standing in the doorway. Of course she wasn't. She didn't want to go.

She gave a small, tight smile. "Yeah."

The ride was strange. Shelby kept talking about how the other kids were at home doing their essays and what the rest of the day would look like. She kept gazing out the window trying to predict what person her mother was going to be today.

"Are you listening, Quinn?" Shelby asked as they stopped at the light.

"Not really," she muttered.

"I wanted to thank you for this morning," Shelby said. "I know that the food thing is hard..."

"You kinda don't," Quinn said in a natural, defensive tone. She bowed her head. "Sorry."

"Well, if you could tell me your favorite food we could cook that," the woman offered as the light turned green.

The blonde frowned. "I don't have a favorite food." She folded her arms. "I don't see that there is anything wrong with what I eat. Like Santana said, you can't be a Cheerio and make it through all those workouts unless you eat right."

"It needs to improve, Quinn. You know it does. I am tracking Rachel's food and calories and I will also track yours. If you improve this next week while we're in Florida then I will leave you alone, but until then I'm doing it."

Quinn shook her head. This was all just crap. Her frown faded when her mother's Cadillac came into view as they pulled into the parking lot. In all honesty, she knew her mother never backed down from a fight. Nevertheless seeing her mother's car made her back down from fighting with Shelby over rice cakes and instead made her want to fight with the rice cakes as they tumbled in her stomach. She never realized that the first sixteen years of her life she had been so tense until she lived in a house where she could feel relaxed. However, it seemed the only indication that she was relaxed at the Corcorans was the fact that she felt so anxious in her family's presence.

"I'm going to walk you in and sign you in, but then Jackie's going to walk you back to your mom," Shelby said as she put the car in park and unbuckled her seat belt. She took a deep breath and looked at Quinn. "You remember what I told you about your visits?" Shelby didn't give her long to answer or maybe she did, Quinn thought, but she was too distracted by the rice cakes. "You don't have to do this unless you want to."

Choice was never something that Quinn had with her family. It was a foreign concept.

"I'm fine," she assured.

She felt Shelby staring at her for a few extra moments before finally she climbed out of the Range Rover. Quinn looked around as Shelby signed her in and talked quietly with Jackie.

"I'll see you in two hours, Quinn," Shelby said gently pulling Quinn in for an expected hug, but still the girl only barely hugged back. While she now accepted the hugs, it didn't mean she gave them. "Have a good visit."

The blonde nodded and watched Shelby leave. She couldn't help but feel more somersaults.

"Let's walk back," Jackie said.

The visitation room was decorated like a comfy playroom packed with toys for younger children and shelves that were full of games and books for all ages. Her mother was sitting at the dining room table that was set up near the mini kitchen area.

"Hello, Quinn," Judy said as she remained seated on the couch. .

Quinn snuck a look over at Jackie, who pulled a chair up about six feet from them and settled into it with her notepad and pen. She looked down at the pen and paper. "It's alright. Ignore me. I'm just going to sit here and write down what happens and what is said," the case manager said as casually as possible. Quinn sighed and turned to her mother.

"Hello," Quinn said quietly.

"Well, aren't you going to give me hug, Quinn," Judy said standing up. "I haven't seen you in awhile."

The blonde stared at her. Her mother was really putting her best face forward. This surely wasn't her. Nevertheless, she took a step forward and gave her mother a loose hug. Quinn watched Jackie take a seat a few yards away from them. Judy sat next to her on the couch. She had no idea what to say to her mother. She was surprised she showed up, let alone passed the breathalyzer test. Shelby explained to her that her mother had to come an hour early to take the test to see if she could even stay for the visit. She watched-from the corner of her eye as her mother looked at Jackie and then looked at her.

"I was told you're leaving for Florida tomorrow." There was a tone in her mother's voice that Quinn didn't recognize. "How lucky are you." Suddenly, Quinn recognized it. It was her mother's tone that she used at the club. It wasn't as threatening to others, but it was meant to be a threat. Every word of it. "We had a marvelous time when you visited your grandmother." Judy turned to Jackie. "My husband's parents estate. His father died a few years back. His mother is generous and kind. Respectable and graceful people." She turned back to Quinn. "Isn't that right Quinnie?"

Quinn bit her bottom lip. They were anything but.

_It was the summer before her thirteenth birthday that they spent in Charlotte, North Carolina. They were only there for a week. However, it had been the longest week of Quinn's short life. They lived on a marvelous estate. It was just as Quinn pictured the south: tidy, clean, and classy. It was where her father grew up. All she new about her father was that he was tough and harsh. Imagining him as a child was an impossible task. _

_She stood outside, a heavy wooden door stared back at them. Quinn's heart was in her throat. She didn't know what to expect. The door finally opened. A large woman stood there staring at her. _

"_Our things are in the car," her father huffed pointing at the car. "Come on," he barked. The family followed him into the house. It was large and looming. Pictures of people, and probably dead people, Quinn assumed, lined the walls. They had her father's harsh stare. _

"_Russell," a growl echoed into the foyer, where they all stood. _

_They entered what Quinn later found out was the drawing room. In a tall-backed chair was a grouchy looking woman. A cane leaned against her chair. Quinn took a half step back, bumping into her sister who pushed her forward. Her father grabbed her roughly around her arm and shook her. _

"_Manners, Quinn," he hissed. She bowed her head trying not to flinch at his iron grip. _

"_I've heard a lot about you, Quinn," the woman said with a sneer. Quinn looked at her with big eyes. "And all the failure you've brought on our family." _

Quinn looked at her mother. Her grazed the back of her teeth trying to stay calm.

"Well, that woman-" Judy began.

"Judy," Jackie warned from her seat.

The older blonde gave a grimacing smile. "Shelby is taking you to Florida and so she requested some of your summer clothes." She looked at Jackie. "Jackie is holding them for you for some reason."

"You'll get them after the visit," Jackie said with a small smile.

Quinn nodded.

"I hope you have a DEAR time," Judy said with a smile. "Eat all of your meals. Don't want to be rude, right?"

Quinn stared down at the table. She felt her heart beating rapidly in her head. She knew exactly what her mother was referring. Perhaps to Jackie it sounded pleasant. However, their time in Charlotte had been terrible for Quinn.

"_Your food isn't finished," the woman known as her grandmother announced to the table. _

_All of them sat gathered around the decadent dining room table. Everyones eyes fell on Quinn. _

"_I'm sorry," Quinn said. "I'm just very full." She tried her best to avoid her father's eyes. She couldn't eat. She didn't know if he would be visiting her in the evening like he did back at the house in Lima. She didn't know what he did here. However, either way, she couldn't eat big meals. She threw them up. She simply couldn't. _

"_I won't stand for this disrespect," the woman said sitting up. "Come here, child!" _

_Quinn folded her napkin in her lap and stood. It was such a long walk to where her grandmother sat. She held her head high. If that was the only thing she learned from her family that she truly embraced, it was pride._

"_I'm sorry, ma'am," she said trying her best not to break eye contact. _

_She didn't expect it so she couldn't prepare herself. A hard, harsh, and loud smack echoed through the room and whipped her head to the side. She had slapped her. She had slapped her so hard that Quinn felt as if her teeth were shuddering in her mouth still. She kept her head down, scared to look up. The woman grabbed her chin roughly and brought her eyes up to meet hers.  
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"_You know by now you're a disgrace to this family. I will not have you disgracing me at my own table. If your grandfather was alive he would take you out back and make sure you know you feel the raw sting that all the rest of us feel having you in this family." She looked down the table. "But he's not here. So, Russell," she said as she gripped tightly onto Quinn's upper arms. "That's your job to discipline your daughter." _

_Quinn was still holding her cheek when her father took her roughly and led her down the hallway. _

"_You know where the belt is, Russell," she heard her grandmother call. _

_She didn't look at her father. She knew what was coming and there was no escaping it. _

Her heart was beating so fast in the visitation room that she didn't realize that Jackie was calling her mother's name. She didn't realize that Jackie had been calling her name. She didn't realize that Jackie scolded her mother.

"Quinn, you're going to Florida with this new family. They don't want you.-"

"Judy, you need to stop. That's enough. You need to leave," Jackie said.

Judy didn't to want hear her or she was ignoring her. "You don't belong with them. Stop pretending you do. You remember what happened in Charlotte? It won't be anything compared to what you will experience in Florida."

Quinn broke her her gaze. She broke her thought about how for the entire Charlotte visit she couldn't sit. She couldn't be near her grandmother without being told how worthless she was. She looked at her mother here in this happily decorated visitation room. She looked at her and knew that her mother was right. She didn't belong to them. She shot up from the chair. "Excuse me," she said hurriedly and ran into the bathroom. She lurched over the toilet. She couldn't even hold a rice cake.

"Quinn?" a voice asked. "Quinn?"

She wiped her mouth and stood up. She flushed the toilet and opened the stall. Jackie and Gloria stood in the restroom.

"Charlotte wasn't a happy memory was it?" Gloria asked carefully.

Quinn looked at her and then back at Jackie. She took a deep breath. "No." She was simple and short. "Am I leaving now? You sent her away didn't you?"

Gloria nodded. "Yes. She violated our guidelines. She shouldn't have said what she said to you," she said. "Let's talk in my office."

Quinn frowned but dried her eyes and followed her. She sat down in her office.

"I've been reviewing your file, Quinn," Gloria said. "Straight A student. You are in the National Honor Society as well as Cheerios. Truly impressive."

"So?"

"I realized that perhaps Shelby might not have explained this whole process to you and I realized that a smart girl like you might want to know more about this process." Quinn looked at her with a frown. "We here at CPS are here for you. Shelby talked about your team with you? Made up of Jackie, Elyse, and your placement, Shelby, and Sue. We're all here for you." Quinn shook her head. They didn't know what was best for her. "Your mother is given a case plan. Recommendations that are put together for her to get you back. She goes to court and it's reviewed by a judge and then she has six months to accomplish the plans we set. All of your visits are documented. Everyone involved reviews what happened in your visits. There are rules that she has to follow during the visits. That's why you've never had a complete visit with her. Rules have been broken." Quinn nodded. "There's one person you haven't met. We're all fighting for what's best for you, but there's one key person that fights for you."

"Your lawyer?" Quinn asked.

"No," Gloria said with an impressed smile. "Your lawyer."

"I didn't hire a lawyer," Quinn replied.

"I know," she replied. "You're assigned one by the state. You see in court there is your mother, her lawyer, Jackie, then CPS's lawyer, and then your lawyer. We fight for you as CPS, Quinn, but we don't fight directly for you. Every child that comes through here has a representative in court."

Quinn frowned. "I have my own lawyer?" She shook her head. "I don't even have a job. I can't afford a lawyer."

"It's state assigned. You don't pay for it," Gloria explained. "What I'm trying to say, Quinn, is you have a choice. It's not just our choice and our opinion. Ultimately, Quinn, it's yours. We are all involved in your case. We all talk. You need to know that we're all here for you." She gave her a soft smile. "You don't have to be so stoic all of the time." She took a deep breath. "You have an opinion here. It might not feel like you do, especially with so many people talking at you and about you, but you do. I'm the supervisor of this unit and so if you have a problem you come to me. Jackie's here for you, too, as is Shelby and your therapist. Am I making sense?"

She looked at the woman. She had had the worst forty-eight hours. She had arguably had the worst sixteen years, but she was receiving something that she didn't know how to receive: Genuine free will. and it provoked a strange synthesis of three distinct feelings: hope for something more and confusion about what that something was and doubt if she actually wanted this new found free will.

…..

Santana leaned against Rachel's door watching her carefully. She hadn't said a word since Shelby had left. On top of being forced to eat more than normal, Shelby told her that after today's lesson she was no longer taking lessons from Will Schuester. Now she was in room finishing up getting dressed. She had on a button up dress and tights. Her mother was right. Rachel was no where near where Santana was developmentally at eleven. She was putting things in her backpack like her sheet music and papers on Gable when she noticed Santana standing there. She looked at her but turned away slightly

"You'll find a better teacher, Rach," she said finally from the door.

"It's not just about him being a good or bad as much as it is that no one believes in me." She looked at Santana. "No one."

"That's not true," Santana said coming into the room.

"Well, it feels like it," she whispered. "I know you're trying to protect me … and …. I get that... but... I just need someone to have faith in my decisions and -"

"Rachel," interrupted the tiny brunette. "You're determined and stubbornly so."

"I'm tenacious, Santana," she corrected.

"You're stubborn though, Rach. and even when you know things are wrong, sometimes you do them anyway," Santana bit her lip as she mauled over her words. "And that scares me. I want you to make your own decisions but-"

"You're impulsive, Santana, you fight and you NEVER think about the consequences," she lashed out. 

"Yeah, I know," she said simply. "But I'm working on that, Rach. You won't admit when you're wrong."

"Neither do you," the tiny girl said quietly.

"But I don't go against what I feel to prove a counterpoint," Santana said carefully. "You went on that crazy hunger strike last year to prove something that I dont even remember what-"

"That it was was socially and morally terrible to eat meat. I'm telling you, San, the chicken farms and -"

Santana put her hand up and continued, "But you knew at one point that you should stop, but you didn't. You were so scared about going to the hospital when you had that infection that you didn't say a word about it, because you knew you would. And then it was unavoidable. And-"

Rachel looked up at her sister with angry tears. "What's your point?"

"My point is that I'm scared of what you're not telling me," Santana said.

"I'm not," Rachel said quietly.

"Rachel, I've known you your whole life," Santana said. The tiny girl looked up at her. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Rachel said standing, purposefully avoiding her sister's eyes. She started for the door.

"Rachel," she called sharply. "I know you're starting to remember stuff." She said carefully. "That doesn't mean you need to pull away from me."

She watched as Rachel stopped but didn't turn around. Was that it? Was that why she felt so weird about Mr. Schuester? She was remembering? In all honestly, she felt all over the place. She didn't understand any of it. She had no control at school. Voice lessons were the one thing, the one place where she felt accomplished. She didn't understand how she felt about her teacher, other than she didn't want her family to be right.

"I'm not," Rachel said quietly.

"Come here," Santana said from behind her.

Rachel conceded and went to her sister who was sitting in the gliding chair. Santana took her hands and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

"You mean the world to me," Santana whispered looking down at their adjoined hands. "I know that... a lot of things have changed for you in the past month. I know that you're growing up and getting older, but you used to talk to me …. and you're not anymore... It just stopped." She chewed her lip as she searched Rachel's eyes. "I need to know when you're not okay." She gave a smile. "I want to know when you're okay, too... but...You never lied to us before this year, Rach..."

Rachel looked at her with wide eyes. "I … I didn't..."

"You didn't tell us how bad things were at school," Santana said. "You didn't tell us what that bitch-"

"Don't swear," she interrupted.

"What Jeanie did," San finished. She frowned deeper when Rachel breathed more easily. She was relieved. "Rachel," she said sternly. "What aren't you telling me?"

She looked at her big sister. Santana had protected her her whole life. How was she supposed to describe a feeling she didn't understand? Her sister glared at people if they looked at her sideways. Rachel wanted too badly to be grown up. She even knew that her obsession was childish in her head, but it was all she had to look forward to. She needed a future. She gave up trying to be Santana a long time ago, but she couldn't help but look up to her. She was everything that Rachel wasn't and wanted to be at the same time. She just wanted to be brave. It wasn't just about being independent and wanting something of her own. It was that she knew she had to. In her mind, adulthood seem to loom over her head; it was impending. She knew that she was only eleven, but as she looked around her she knew that everyone was miles ahead of her. How else was she ever going to catch up? She was older now. She wasn't going to have her sister fight her battles and feel her feelings for her. It was her turn to do that. It wasn't just about being independent, she repeated to herself. It was so much more than that. If she couldn't deal with her innate discomfort that she was sure derived from her heavy, complex past, she would never be able to deal with anything. She was going to some day be alone; she wasn't going to be lost alone, too.

She looked at her big sister and into her dark eyes. "I just need to figure some things out on my own first..."

"You don't have to do it alone, Rach," she whispered resting her forehead on Rachel's

"Yeah, I do..." Rachel pulled back slightly. "I'll be okay...You gotta let me do this...I'm practically an adult."

Santana frowned and searched Rachel's eyes. "You're not," she said. "But you need to feel safe and you need to come to me or Mom or Quinn or Aunt Joey or Bear or even Noah. Promise me. Promise me you'll come to one of us."

Rachel nodded. "I promise." She chewed her lip.

"What?" Santana asked.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

"What do you mean?" she asked in the most-Santana way that Rachel knew.

Rachel searched her eyes. "You know what I mean."

"No," Santana said slowly. "I don't."

"People made posters of you and Brittany..." Rachel said quietly. "I know you don't tell me a lot but I know enough that you're not okay."

"Rachel-"

The girl looked at her harshly. "Don't do that. Don't pretend that everything is fine."

Santana looked at her sister carefully. She had muted those feelings despite the fact that there was a piece of paper burning in her pocket. However, she still refused to open it.

"I don't know," she finally said honestly. "I don't know how I feel about any of it."

Rachel looked at her and sat next to her. She leaned against her side. "That's not true," she whispered.

"What?" Santana asked with a frown.

"You don't want to feel anything. It's not that you don't know," Rachel responded quietly.

Santana took in her sister's words. She pulled her Rachel more snuggly into her arms and rested her chin on the top of her head.

"Do you love her?" She looked up at Santana. "Brittany, I mean."

What was it with Rachel and all these big questions? "Of course, I do," she said. "But sometimes love isn't enough."

Rachel sat up. "What? That's not true."

"Rach, what was said …. what those posters said..." Santana couldn't even gather her thoughts.

It wasn't that she was just shoved out of the closet. It was that she was pushed into the closet and then yanked out. She was still discovering who she was and who Brittany was to her when she was branded with a label. It wasn't about emerging from the closet and waving her rainbow flag. She hated the damn color guard anyway. She didn't know how to acclimate to this label. She didn't know how at all. She felt like an empty drain before; now she felt like a mislabeled tin can.

"San?" Rachel asked looking up at her again. "You're didn't finish your sentence."

"Rachel," Santana began.

"Sanny," she said quietly. "That's not fair."

She took a deep breath. "I get that," she muttered. "I need to figure it out first before I talk about it." Rachel looked up at her in surprise in her arms. Santana laughed. "Don't look so surprised." She let her smile fade. "I'm trusting you. So I get it."

Rachel rested aginst her. "I always trust you."

Santana smiled again. "and you always should."

…...

Shelby pulled up outside Ming's Italian-Chinese Bistro Sandwich Shop. Quinn looked at the restaurant. It was easily the strangest establishment in Lima. She always frowned when she went past it. She was sure it was the only restaurant in the country where you could chicken parmesean with a side of order of teriyaki. Shelby snuck a glance at the young girl. She had been told what had happened at the visit. Jackie handed her a bag of clothes that Judy had sent. There had been a few hate letters in the pockets that Jackie had found, but she still advised Shelby to recheck the pockets again before she gave the clothes to Quinn. They were used to this sneakiness, but it was harder when it was this close to home. Shelby sighed at the thought of how much longer this day was going to be. They were going to grab a quick bite to eat and then she was going to take Noah and Santana to their sessions and Joey was taking Quinn to hers and Rachel to her voice lesson. Then home, then the chaos of flying, which despite all the preparation always morphed into a nightmare.

"You ready?" she asked turning to Quinn.

"For what?" she asked looking around. "You don't think I'll ever go back with her, do you?" Quinn asked suddenly. "That's why you're pushing this... This family thing. Isn't it?"

Shelby took a moment before she responded. "None of us know what the judge will decide, Quinn, but your mother has yet to do anything in compliance with her case plan." She looked at the girl honestly. "At minimum, you'll be with us through the rest of the school year."

Quinn frowned. "Really?"

"Yeah," she nodded. She turned and faced her more directly. "You have done so marvelously so far. I am so proud of you for more reasons than I can say. I want to thank you for that."

"For what?"

"For letting us in," Shelby replied. Who said she had, she asked herself. "I would appreciate it if you were a part of family therapy with us. We're going to discuss what happened at school and check in. You don't have to participate if you don't want to, but I would really appreciate it if you were there, because you're a member of this family now, Quinn. And you always will be whether you live with us or not. It's not scheduled until we get back but I want you to think about it."

"I dont know..." Quinn began. "I don't know how to do this or even how to thank you for what you're doing for me."

"You don't have to. Not now. Not ever. You are not in debt to me," Shelby assured.

"It feels like I am."

"You're not," she said again.

The girl looked up and saw Joey pull into the parking space next to them with a Prius full of the Corcoran kids.

"They adore you, Quinn," Shelby said watching the kids get out of the car. "and the rest of the family that you'll meet in Florida will too." She saw Quinn hesitate. "I know it'll be a change, but think of it as a real vacation. One that allows you to escape." She sighed. "Joey will take you to therapy after this and you guys will pick up and drop off Rachel with her lesson with Will." She watched Quinn for a moment. "I'm glad you're here."

"I know..." Quinn said, even though she didn't.

"Let's head in."

…...

Rachel had been mulling over what Santana had told her and replaying what Quinn has said to her the night before. She couldn't get her draining conversation with her uncle out of her head. Even her brother looked at her just before she left after lunch. It said, "We'll talk later."

She bit her lip. She could see Quinn looking at her in the side-view mirror.

"I'll walk her in," Quinn said as they pulled up.

Rachel pulled her backpack on her and put her hands securely in her jacket as she walked slightly behind Quinn. She had a strange foreboding feeling.

"Rachel," Quinn said.

"What?" she asked quietly as she walked next to her.

"Did you think about what we talked about?" Rachel nodded, but avoided Quinn's eyes. "Did you spend all morning pouting because you're not going back to him?"

Rachel frowned. "What?"

"I know I haven't known you for long, but you remind me of some crazy mini diva fit. Like Mariah Carey or something."

Rachel frowned further. "Why are you being so mean?" Quinn looked at her blankly. "What happened with your mom?"

She softened. "It ended early." She saw Rachel look up at her. "She kinda...She uh...She tried to intimidate me."

"Did it work?"

Quinn frowned at Rachel. "Kinda of..."

Rachel watched her. She wasn't sure how visits went or what it meant to have so many bad ones but she knew she couldn't imagine. She always looked forward to her visits with her mom when they were in in New York, but she didn't have the same memories as the other two. She chewed her lip. Quinn was home to her now.

"She reminded me a trip to my own grandparents," Quinn said quietly, surprising herself with what she was revealing. Rachel looked up at her and knew that it was bad. Quinn went on because she didn't want to hear Rachel's sympathies. "So it was ended early."

"Quinn? " Rachel asked quietly as they turned down the hallway. She saw her look at her. "Do you want to go back to your mom?"

Quinn crossed her arms over her chest. She was battling with the new found knowledge that she had a choice. Now she was being asked what she wanted. Rachel must have seen her trepidation and unsure look.

"I don't want you to go back there," Rachel whispered. "I want you with us." She shrugged. "You belong here with us."

Quinn shook her head. She wasn't sure if she was ready to dive in to that. They neared they classroom.

"Have you thought about what I said?"

"About you being insulting?" Rachel asked.

"Rachel," Quinn said sharply. The girl looked at her in surprise. "You shouldn't be something to try to prove something." She stopped. "Hold on a second. Look at me." Rachel stopped. "Think for a moment why you're going. I don't think you should go. Your family doesn't think you should go, but why are you going?" Her lack of answer offered Quinn her. "You know what you're going to sit outside during my session. You're not doing this."

Rachel looked at her. "I'm doing this for me!" she said. "Please. It's not like there's anything more. You're so against this and -"

"I am because I have a feeling, Rachel. He freaks me out." She gave a heavy sigh and looked at the ceiling. "I don't have a lot of experience with relationships... with anyone. You know why?" Rachel shook her head quietly. "It's trust. The closest people you know can hurt you just as badly as a stranger. If things don't feel right, Rachel, they usually aren't. I don't know how many times we all need to tell you this for it to get through. You need to learn to be cautious, Rachel."

Quinn had never been this harsh with her. Ever. All Rachel could do was look up at her and nod.

"Do you want to stay?" Again a small nod. Quinn gritted her teeth. "Call if anything happens. And if you can't call run."

"I don't think that anything will-"

"I don't care," Quinn said. "Just listen to what I'm saying."

Rachel nodded slowly. "Okay."

Quinn opened the door of the classroom. Suzy Pepper was in there. Again why the hell was the door closed?

"Hi, Rachel," Mr. Schuester said with a grin. "Hello, Quinn."

"Why is this door closed?" Quinn asked.

"It's music," Suzy said. "We don't want to disturb everyone."

"I want it open. And where is Kurt?"

"He's just stepped into the restroom," Mr. Schuester said. "He'll be right back."

"Good bye, Quinn," Rachel said turning to her with big eyes begging her not to embarrass her.

"I'll stay until Kurt comes back," she said casually.

"Aunt Joey is waiting," Rachel said. "You can't be late to your appointment."

She searched the girl's eyes. "Kurt is here, correct?"

Will Schuester laughed. "Absolutely!"

Quinn put on her HBIC look on and pointed to Suzy. "You! Stay here with her until that prancing child gets back."

"I really don't think that's necessary," Will said.

"I don't care," Quinn snapped. She turned back to Suzy and leaned in closely. "If you leave, I will make your life miserable." Suzy looked up with her with wide eyes.

Rachel watched Quinn. She was out for blood. She needed Quinn to leave because then she would realize Kurt wasn't in the restroom. The tiny girl looked at her teacher for guidance.

"Alright, Quinn, back off," he said with a chuckle.

"Quinn, please, just go," Rachel pleaded.

Quinn glared at Suzy and pointed her finger at her. The girl nodded. "I'll see you soon, Rach," she said more gently.

She shot a glare at Will and left the room.

…...

Santana rolled the piece of paper around in her hand. She wanted to open it but she didn't. She knew she had to but she didn't want to. She wanted to open it because she needed to get an idea about what Brittany was thinking. Her brother and her mother were in the front seat. This was her moment to do it. She took a deep breath and opened it.

**Dear Santana, **

**Hi. I'm writing this while I sit in the living room with my parents. This family time is getting so exhausting. I'm so grateful that I have this "bootcamp" thing to look forward to. Not because I like feeling like my insides have exploded on the pavement, but because I get to spend time with you. **

**I need you to know that I'm scared too. I don't know what this means. I'm not even sure if we're... in a relationship...I don't know what you're thinking and I feel so far from. Now that I just wrote that though, I realize I'm far from myself. I don't know what any of this means. My parents are supportive. They told me they love me no matter what... but I think they said it in the same way that they said it after we washed the roof of my father's car. Remember? It's like... they would prefer I chose differently, but they know I won't, but love trumps it. I don't know. It's like... they love me but not my choice. I can see them trying to get their heads around it. My mother even bought a book. **_**Supporting Your GAY Child. **_**Legitimately "GAY" is highlighted. However, she isn't outwardly disowning me or kicking me out. However, the slight confusion and the hesitation is hurtful. She looks at me differently. So does he. Even though they say they know. It's kinda like when Melanie went to school with the lie that she was going to be a doctor. And then she went through that whole big thing when she lied and pretended she was in pre-med when in actuality she was a special studies major with a concentration in women and gender studies. It's not that our parents don't love us and support us. It's that we're so different than who they thought we were. But love isn't the issue. Does that even make sense? How's your mother taking it? **

**I'm scared about when we go back to school. And... I know I've said this, but I'm scared that you'll push me away because you're too scared. I know you Santana. I see you. And I'm so scared that you don't see me too. Maybe my doubt in you is hurtful. It's just that you're so much to lose. **

**Remember when we made that promise to each other. When we became best friends? You're still everything to me. I've been thinking about that day a lot. Mainly because on that day I wanted to kiss you. Don't get me wrong. The pinky promise was great! :) But even at ten years old I knew that you were different. I just... I need to know how you feel. I know your tough. You proved that to me the first time my sister babysat and you tried to push her down the stairs because she scolded Rachel for something. I realized I never wanted to push someone down the stairs for my sister. I love Melanie, but I never wanted to push someone down the stairs for her... Anyway, I've digressed. **

**I am exploding with all these feelings that I don't understand. They make me want to laugh, cry and throw up all at once. I miss you. I miss talking to you. I knew that things have changed. They were different even before what happened on Tuesday. I don't want to go back to how we were, because I think we were dancing around each other. You know? Like there was a big elephant in the room. I want and I hope we can figure out how to do this. **

**I hope you have a wonderful time in Florida. I know you always do. You always talk about how great your Nana and Pop-Pop. Please try not to kill Griffin. You're just a lot a like that's why you hate each other so much. **

**I adore you. I miss you already (even though I see you in the morning for bootcamp). **

**With love, **

**your bestie, **

**Britt**

Santana folded the paper up quickly. Her mother and brother were staring at her. "You alright?" Shelby asked.

She nodded. She was fine. She was okay. She was good. She gripped the letter more tightly. She was good.

"Santana?" She looked up. Julia Jacobs was looking at her carefully. She was not sitting in her office. She wasn't sure when she made that transition, but she was no longer in the car. She was inside and in her session. Clearly, her mind was elsewhere.

"What?" Santana asked. She rolled her eyes. "Please don't ask me how I feel."

"What do you want me to ask you?" Julia asked with a smirk.

"I don't know," she sighed. "Nothing?"

"Nice try," she laughed. "Tell me about Brittany."

"She's my best friend," Santana said, but it came out like a spat.

"Okay," Julia said.

"Tell me about Finn Hudson."

"He's an overgrown, beanstalk who's life is clogged in a garbage disposal," She said with her arms folded across her chest.

"Okay," Julia said again. "I'm proud of you."

"For punching him?"

Julia laughed. "No for letting Brittany in."

Santana scoffed. "Well, I'm not doing that very well," she laughed. She thought about the letter. "I don't know how to do this. You remember how long it took me to even be friends with her...I just... I don't know how to do this right... but I don't even know what this is."

Julia nodded. "What do you think it is?"

"I don't know how to ….. I don't know if I'm …. you know... I don't know what it means." Santana smiled softly. "I realized something. You know when you think about your life? And your future. I don't think about getting old with some hairy old man... I think about Brittany and who we could be... and I don't understand that...I don't know what that means. Am I just attracted to her? Or is it blondes who dance?... I don't know. I just don't know."

"And that's okay, Santana, not to know. You're just figuring this out. Exploring your feelings and figuring out who you are."

"That's the problem, I don't want to feel any of this," she said quietly. "It's too much."

"It's not the problem, San," Julia said. "It's the challenge. You have tackled so many hurdles with such admirable strength. Letting someone love you is hard."

"I know that," she said quietly. "It just hurts and I don't know how to be that person. I don't know how to be gay. I don't know how to be a lesbian. I like shaving my legs and I don't want to go to an indie rock fest and sleep in a tent."

"You think lesbians don't shave their legs?" Julia asked. "Santana, I know you're not bound to these stereotypes and I know you know you're wrong."

"I don't know how to do this..." She frowned and blinked back tears with a shake of her head. "The things that have already been said to me. The things at school. It's not about me accepting myself and all that horse shit.-"

"Jar," Julia held out a glass jar labeled 'Corcoran swear jar.' Santana dug out a quarter.

"I don't know who I want to be or who I am. Or any of it."

"Well, my darling girl," Julia said leaning back. "That is the challenge of life. You are anything but a stereotype. Don't try to make yourself one because it seems simpler than tackling who you are."

Santana rolled her eyes. "Dr. Phil, are we finished? I think I've had enough heart-to-heart today."

Julia smirked. "Fine. but is there something else about this that you're not telling me?" Santana searched the woman's face. She could tell that there was a part of this that Santana wasn't ready to face. "When you're ready. We can talk about it."

…...

Rachel watched Quinn leave and slowly peeled off her jacket and backpack.

"Suzy, you can go ahead and leave," Mr. Schuester said. "And make sure to come back in fifty minutes on the dot. I want you to sit out here."

Out here? She froze and looked at her teacher. She felt like this wasn't a side of him she had seen before.

"But Quinn just said - "

"I'm well-aware what Quinn just said, Miss Pepper," he said with an edge, one that Rachel hadn't seen before. However it faded quickly. He looked at both girls with a smile.

"I wouldn't mind if she stays," Rachel said quietly.

"No!" he screamed causing both girls to jump. He slammed his hand down. He took a breath. "No." His voice was calmer. "Your Gable audition is coming up, right?" Rachel nodded. "So we need to perfect your song. And I don't need any distractions." He looked over at Suzy. Rachel followed his gaze. Suzy looked ill.

She could simply prove that it was fine to be alone with him if someone was there with her. He wouldn't care if he was really the bad person he thought. There were good people and bad people in the world. They were distinct and obvious. Right?

"I don't want Quinn to get in trouble, Mr. Schuester. I really don't mind.-"

Suddenly he was close to her face. "Don't you trust me?"

She frowned and backed away slightly. "Well... yes," she said.

"Then show it." His statement came out as a bite. She was confused. He smiled at her and seemed to come back to normal. "Relationships are about trust, Rach. I'm looking out for you."

Quinn had said that. Did she trust him? She did. Right? She watched him stand up and turn back to Suzy.

"Rachel and I have an arrangement. You're not needed here." Suzy looked at him with wide and betrayed eyes. "Miss Fabray is suspended. Isn't that right, Rachel? So you won't have to worry about her." He looked at Rachel with a smirk and the tiny girl couldn't help but feel guilty. He was right. Quinn was suspended.

"Will I have my lessons as normal?" Suzy asked. He smiled.

"Absolutely," he said gently. "You know you're always welcome here."

Rachel frowned. She had a feeling they weren't talking about voice lessons anymore and she couldn't escape a feeling in the pit of her stomach telling her to beg Suzy not to leave. She watched with a heavy heart as Suzy walked out the door.

"Don't worry. She'll be back."

She looked back up at Mr. Schuester. In that moment, she never wished so badly that she hadn't lied to her mother.

…...

Quinn looked in the side mirror back at the high school. There was something off. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something didn't feel right.

"What's wrong?" Joey asked as the school disappeared from sight.

Quinn sighed. "I don't know. It's nothing."

"You sure?" Joey asked as they made their way downtown.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I'm sure." She nodded. Rachel doesn't lie. Rachel wouldn't. She sighed and turned forward. "Things are fine," she muttered more to herself as they pulled into the parking log outside of Elyse's office.

…...

Shelby looked up at her son and set down her magazine in a deliberate way. Santana has just gone in for her session and she wanted to speak with Noah alone.

"You want to do this one on one now?" he asked with a sigh.

"Yes," Shelby said. He set down his own magazine.

"Alright, what?"

"Cut the attitude," she said. "We need to talk about the scouts that have been calling the house that you keep lying to when they request to set up a meeting."

He looked at her in confusion. "How do you know about that?"

"I know, Noah," she said. "I have been waiting for you to confess, because you usually do." She laughed a little. "But I realized that you aren't afraid of not succeeding, you don't want to leave." She leaned forward. "We're going to be alright."

"You can't promise that," he muttered.

"You can't feel guilty for the rest of your life," she said. "You were a boy then. You're still a boy and you have so much more to do."

"Can't I?" he asked quietly. "I have every right to be guilty. You just don't have it in you to blame me."

She looked at him with shock. "Noah," she whispered. "I don't blame you." She looked at him. "Let me tell you something. I feel guilty. I get guilt, Noah. I will feel guilty for the rest of my life, but it is not your place to do the same."

"I don't want to leave Lima, Mom," he said. "I won't." He shook his head. "I'm not pushing you away. I told you this last night. I'm trying to grow up. I'm trying to be a man, but you just see me as a boy. I have helped raise San and especially Rach. I stopped being a boy so long ago."

"In a lot of ways yes, you have," Shelby admitted. "But in a lot of other ways no. I won't stand and let you punish yourself for something that HE did!"

Noah shot up. "I knew what happened in that room, Mom! I knew! I knew what he was doing to Santana too! I couldn't do anything. I'm not going to leave them. I'm not. Something could go wrong."

"Something could go wrong with you right here, Noah," she whispered. "You protect them the best you can, but you cannot control the world."

"Neither can you," Noah responded. "This is what I want. Why can't you accept that? I can build a suitable life in Lima."

"That's true, but you can build an incredible life outside of Lima." She watched her son. "What are you going to do when the girls leave? Hmmm?"

"I'll be here waiting for them, or I'll follow them where they go," he said simply.

She sighed. "I need you to think about what you want, Noah besides to be here for them. For you. What do you want for you?" She shook her head. "I know you haven't sent in those applications on your desk. They're completed why aren't you sending them in."

"It's not what I want," he muttered.

"Okay," she said. "Then we need to figure out what it is you do want. I think you would do marvelously in college, but maybe there's something else you want to do." She looked at him. "We'll figure it out, but I need you to at least try."

He looked at his mother. "Fine," he said finally. "But you have to know that what I decide might not be something you want."

"But promise me that it'll be something you genuinely want."

HE shrugged. "I'll do my best."

She grinned. "That's all I ask." She nodded. "Genuine."

…...

Rachel chewed her lip and frowned. The feelings that had been rolling around in her stomach were now tumbling with full force. She stood behind the music stand and watched Mr. Schuester watching her in the choir room. She swallowed her anxiety. Everything that was said finally made sense. She looked at the clock. The lesson wasn't supposed to be over for another forty-six minutes. Suzy was due back in thirty-six. She chewed her lip. She wasn't sure if she could cope with her uneasiness for another six minutes. She would rather sit on the bleachers and watch the rest of practice, even though no one from her family was there. She could learn something. Right? Maybe she would be a Cheerio.

She mustered up her strength and began to grab her things. "I need to go. I'm sorry. I promised I would watch the rest of practice since they're missing it. You know..."

"Are you alright, Rachel?" he asked gently walked toward her.

"I'm fine. I'm fine," she said hurriedly. "I just need to … I need to go. I'm sorry."

"Rachel, is this about what happened last time?" His voice was kind and gentle. He shook his head. "I knew you were too young for that kind of critique. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. With your past and all... It's hard to deal with stuff normal kids deal with. I should have thought about that." Rachel looked at him. All hopes of being normal were slipping from her grasp. He leaned down and looked her in the eye. He smiled. "Will you forgive me?" He rubbed her arm. She stared at his hand. The feelings weren't going away.

The girl shook her head. She wasn't going to let her own insecurities ruin this. This was her. Not him. He had made her uncomfortable but he hadn't done anything wrong. However, she couldn't look at him. She couldn't.

"I … I …. No, of course it wasn't that," she said as she grabbed her bag and coat. She glanced over at the open door from the choir room that led to the deserted hallway. She just wanted to leave.

"Rachel, come on, talk to me." He looked at her with a smile.

She couldn't talk to him. She felt so strangely around him now. She felt almost scared. She squeezed her eyes shut at the thought. No, this was her. This was her past scaring her present.

"I can't. I'm sorry," she said as she opened her eyes. "I just need to leave."

She started for the door and avoided his eyes. She was almost there, almost out of the choir room. The choir room door that led into the quiet hallway suddenly closed. It more than closed. It slammed shut. She paused for a moment staring at the door before she looked up at her teacher. She looked at teacher in shock. There was definitely something different. He had slammed the door.

With his hand still on the closed door, he looked down at her with a smile. "We're not finished here, Rachel."

…...

"Hey," Shelby said sitting quietly next to her daughter.

"Mom, I just got out from therapy I'm not ready for round 2," Santana said not looking up from her magazine.

"I need to check in with you," Shelby said casually.

"Well, I'm here," Santana said leaning back. 

"Please cut the attitude," Shelby said with a pointed look. "You wanna tell me how long you've been sneaking through my closet to sit on the roof?"

Santana paused and looked at her mother. She licked her upper lip and finally spoke. "Since we moved there."

Shelby tried to pretend that she was calm at her daughter's admittance. "Santana, I -"

"Mom, I wasn't going to jump," Santana responded. "I just... needed space. Rach finds comfort in small spaces. Quinn likes being held, even though there's no way she'll admit it. And Noah hits things." She sighed. "I like being up away from things." She looked down. "I'm fine, Mom."

"You're not, San," she said quietly. "That's okay."

"No, it's not," she whispered. "I feel so far from myself. I just I don't know." She shook her head. "Don't tell me that you love me. I know that. I just need to wrap my brain around all of this. I can't even form thoughts." She took a deep breath. "That being said, don't tell Nana and Pop-Pop yet. I don't even know what to say."

"They're going to want to know why you're suspended," Shelby said.

"Blame it on Quinn," she smirked. She let her smile fade. "I don't know how to form thoughts, Mom. Don't expect me to tell Nana. If I just say, I like girls, I don't even know if that's true. I need to be comfortable with this in my head before I say it out loud."

"I would never tell Nana for you," Shelby said. "This is yours, San. It's for you to share not for anyone else." She gave her a soft smile. "Are you excited to go?"

Santana offered a grin. "Yeah," she said with a laugh. "I love flying to Florida. Seeing Rachel all doped up."

"You can't keep making fun of her," Shelby said. "You know she hates flying."

"It's funny, Mom," Santana said.

"While it's slightly humorous, San, I don't want to catch you recording her again on this trip," Shelby said with a warning glare. "She and I were both not happy when you posted her last flying experience on YouTube."

"But more than ten other people liked it," Santana argued.

"Not the point," Shelby muttered. She looked at Santana carefully. "We need to find an alternative to you needing space." Santana sighed. "I don't want you on roofs."

"I know," she muttered.

"I'll think about what we can do," she said. "But tell me when you need space. Maybe we can find a good compromise."

…...

Rachel didn't know what to think. She was frozen.

"Why don't we go back into my office and have a little talk about what's really bothering you?" he asked as he took her coat and then her backpack. She felt numb and outside her body. She stared at him. Her chest heaved in fear and confusion.

"I want to go," she said finally.

"That's not an option, Rachel," he replied. He walked around her and all she could do was look at the floor. She jumped when she felt his hands on her shoulders. He chuckled. "You need to relax. I'm going to give you a massage." She opened her mouth and heard her shaky breaths escape as he aggressively massaged her shoulders.

"I want to go," she whispered again with a tremble.

"Remember a while back, Rachel," he said instantly, as if not hearing her.. "When you had that dodgeball incident? Nothing bad can happen to you because if it does, your mother will be put in jail and your siblings and you will all be split up. And Quinn," he gave a sympathetic chuckle. "Well, let's just say that she will have to live probably far away at some girls rehab program."

Rachel felt tears trickling down her cheeks. She hadn't realized she was crying. All she knew was that she was shaking. He continued to massage her. He rested his chin on her shoulders.

"We wouldn't want that to happen?" he asked kindly. "Would we?" His voice suddenly turned venomous. "You remember how it happened before, don't you? You remember being in that home. You remember feeling alone?" He paused. "All those long nights you spend in the hospital without your mom to hold you?"

"How do you know about that?"

He smiled. "I know everything."

Rachel felt a tear drop to her cheek. "How?"

"How do I know that you were in the hospital for over a month? How do I know that you and your sister lived in that shelter for kids and that neither one of you were ever placed with a foster family like your brother was? How do I know that you were stuck in the system and could only see her when someone was watching you? How did I know that your mother moved back here because your brother and sister were kicked out of their schools for fighting? How do I know that your big brother had to go to a special school after the move to because of his anger fueled him to throw another student through a window? Or that your mother doesn't let you out of her her sight since that incident at the grocery store? Or perhaps how do I know that your stepfather left you practically for dead," he whispered the last part. He paused and continued, "After he had his way with you, which, I also know was practically a daily occurrence..."

Rachel let out a sob. She needed to get out of there. She shook her head. She didn't understand how he knew all of that. She didn't... 

"How do I know all of that?" He laughed. "I just do." He circled her. She was scared to move. "If you tell anyone about this," he continued to say lowly from behind her. "Do you know what will happen?"

She was afraid to ask the question on the tip of her tongue. She was afraid of what "this" could turn into.

He walked in front of her and looked her in the eyes. "All of you are older than you were in New York." He ran his hand through her hair. "Your mom will be charged with neglect. You'll get separated. Your brother is now aged out of the system. Your sister will think that she can live with him. They would never let her." She stared up at him. What about- He finished her statement. "You would never be able to live with any of your other CARING relatives because they all hate you. Plain and simple, Rachel. You will have destroyed your entire family. Simply by telling. They wouldn't tell you directly that they hate you but seeing your face." He paused and used his hand to cup her chin and bring her downcast gaze up to him.. "Would kill them." He searched her eyes. He gave a chuckle. "And Quinn... Gosh that girl is a tough cookie isn't she? She likes you." He laughed still holding onto her chin. "She will have no hope anymore and you will have taken that away." He let go of her chin. "This whole town knows what her father did to her. And you took away that last glimmer of hope if you told. You're selfish and thoughtless and alone." He stood up and towered over her. "Look at me," he commanded. She trembled and looked up at him. "Do you understand?" She didn't respond other than continueing to look at him. "You will ruin EVERYTHING."He grabbed her roughly so she was facing him. She let out a sob. "Do you want that?" He shook her shoulders at the last question. She let out another sob as the teacher in front of her transformed into the monster from her childhood.

_It was dark. She could feel a heavy pressure on her chest. She feels a heavy panting on her face. It's hot and smells like a bottle that was on the floor in the kitchen. She blinks her eyes and tries to focus. There's a soft, warm light in the corner of the room. She couldn't breathe. She saw her tiny hands push at his chest. She couldn't breathe with him on top of her. She felt her shoulders shake as his hand gripped them. "Hold still, you cunt!" his hissed. "Do you want the belt?" she lay still in fear; she didn't want that at all. _

"Don't cry!" Will snapped. Rachel was back in her horrific reality. He clamped his hand around her arm and dragged her into his office slamming the door behind him.

…...…...

Rachel couldn't stop shaking. She couldn't control it. She was laying on her back on the floor, hidden by his big, old wooden desk. He had dragged her back there and pushed her onto the floor. Her button up dress and tights used to be her favorite outfit. It wasn't anymore. She cried and tried to sit up, but he pushed her back down. He had unbuttoned the dress and had it open and exposed her to him. He had pulled her tights and underwear down to her ankles and had her training bra pushed up over her barely-there breasts. He was sitting with his knees on either side of her hips, muttering and mumbling to himself as his weight seems to crush her pelvis He ran his hands up and down her exposed body while she cried quietly. She couldn't form words as his rough hands lingered on her chest. They wandered across her ribcage and lower, lingering more. All she could do was shake beneath him. Nearly naked and completely exposed under him. All she wanted was to be home and safe.

He too had removed his tie and shirt and was only sitting on top of her with his undershirt and slacks on. He leaned down. She heard his pants in her ear and felt his hot breath on her skin. She squeezed her eyes shut. It felt too familiar.

_She was laying on her back on something hard. Hiram's smile came into view as he leaned over her. He was panting in her ear. One hand slammed her body down against the hard place. A table? He held one hand to her mouth. "No noises, Rachy," his hissed. She watched him lift his other hand and hold up his index and middle finger. "No noises." His fingers disappeared from view as she felt his hand holding her mouth tightly and then all she felt was pain as she screamed into his hand._

She opened her eyes with a whimper as she felt a hand in her most private area, an area that was touched last year when she had to have an exam because of a bad infection. Her mother had to hold her during the entire exam. She would give anything for her mother to hold her. She could give anything not to be underneath him, trapped. He laughed in her ear. She felt another hand grazing up and down her naked front. She shook her head. "Please don't. Please." She sobbed as she watched him fumble with his fly. "I won't tell anyone. I-I-I promise."

He shot her a look and leaned down on top of her exposed form. She felt his skin on hers. "It's not about you telling, Rachel! This is about me. You're mine now! This is something special that WE have. That we have ALWAYS had!" His eyes were big and his words were terrifying her. He kissed her aggressively on the lips as she cried into his roughness. "Me and you," he hissed as he ground his hips against her.

"I don't understand," she sobbed. "I thought... I don't. Please..."

"Shhhh," he said with a gentle voice. "You'll learn not to cry. You'll learn to like this." He sat up. "I'll make you feel like a woman. I'll make you feel good." He released himself from his pants and ran his hand along the ridgid length.

Beneath him Rachel screamed at the sight, trying to push him off of her. "No. No. No. No!" she sobbed.

He grabbed his tie that he discarded and quickly and effectively gagged her. "Shhhh," he said gently once it was in place. He ran his free hand up and down her exposed body. "Don't worry. Today's not the day. I won't put it in, but today is going to be about me." Rachel sobbed and tried to get up but his knees on either side of her hips held her in place. He ran his hand along his length. "Now," he said gently grabbing her hand and bringing it toward him. "Either put your hand on it or I'll put it in your mouth."

Rachel sobbed into the tie. She wanted to leave. She didn't want to, but she had no other choice but to let her teacher guide her hand to where he wanted.

…...

Shelby stood outside the house. She never did this. She never arrived without calling ahead but she needed to. She needed to do this...

The large white door swung open.

"Shelby?" Carol asked as she opened the door.

"I'm sorry to drop by like this, but I would like to talk, if we could."

Carol frowned but stepped out onto the front yard. "I'll be right back," she yelled into the house. She turned to Shelby. "What is it?"

"How is Finn doing?"

"His jaw is broken. He's supremely uncomfortable," Carol huffed.

"What they did to your son shouldn't have been done, but your son also shouldn't have hurt my daughters that way," Shelby retaliated.

"Daughters? Listen, did you just come over here to antagonize me?" Carol ran her hand through her hair. "I'm sorry. It's been a rough day. I didn't realize how much I didn't know my son."

"I get that. And I'm sorry. I just...I wanted to apologize about how I handled things with you and I hoped we could touch base and figure out maybe a way to move forward."

Carol sighed. She shook her head. "My husband and I aren't talking."

Shelby's eyes darted. "What?"

"Don't look at me like that, Shelby," Carol said. "Kurt likes a boy in his writing class. He doesn't think I know that I know." She trailed off with a shaky smile. "He lights up when the boy comes in." She signed. "Ive been married for Burt for almost ten years. I've watched that little boy grow up. He is my son and Finn and Burt's son." She shook her head. "But with what Finn did... It's now 'my son' 'your son' conversations with my husband." She shook her head. "Burt and I talk about how we will support Kurt..." She looked at the ground. "But now, Burt wants to know if _my son_ will brutalize _his son_. Kurt is incredible. I love him...Burt and I have been waiting quietly for him. We don't treat him any differently than we always have since I first started watching this boy in writing class. He actually goes to Gable. Maybe Rachel knows him. He has a weird name. What is it?" She thought for a moment. "Blaine, Blaine Anderson." SHe thought for a moment. "We want him to make his own choices I didn't realize that..." Carol trailed off. "I don't know how to talk to Finn anymore."

"I have some friends who might be helpful," Shelby suggested. "However, if Kurt hasn't come out to you, you can't assume..."

"I know," Carol interrupted. "Burt and I try to do best by our kids and some how along the way we royally screwed up one of them."

"Maybe that's why, Finn, just needs more attention," Shelby said, realizing quietly that she was putting on her work hat. "What he did was wrong.-"

"I know that and I am so sorry and -"

"I need to know, Santana and the family needs to know that he's wrong."

Carol nodded quietly. "He will apologize and he will be more respectful, I can promise you that."

Shelby didn't realize that she was going to mention this. "From what I observe, Finn isn't comfortable with himself not just as a friend but as a lover."

Carol frowned. "I ….. What? With that Quinn girl? It was puppy love."

Shelby frowned. "You can't be serious..." She shook her head. "First of all, Quinn is living with me now. She in my heart is my daughter." Carol opened her mouth to ask a question. "Anyway, they were together for almost a year. I know that they were sexually active and it wasn't a healthy relationship."

Carol looked at her. "Did you just come here to tell me how much of a terrible parent I am?"

"No, I wanted to have a conversation with you," Shelby sighed. "I'm sorry. Parenting is hard. I know. Trust me." She took a deep breath. "I came over here because our children are friends. Noah and Finn were friends. Kurt and Rachel. We're adults, but we can't fix everything. that being said we need to try to fix this."

"And how do you suggest I do that?"

"You tell Finn how you really feel about what he did," Shelby said. "And how it affects you and how you and Burt feel about it."

"About how it's destroyed something scared in our marriage and made things VERY uncomfortable in the bedroom and-"

Shelby put her hands up. "Maybe not that part." She looked at Carol. "You can spend the rest of your life wondering where you went wrong and you might, but what you need to do is figure out how to figure out the next step. 

"We know that," she sighed. "We will figure out. I'm still upset about what he did, but if you want to talk, I be happy too."

Carol nodded. Shelby started to walk away. She turned. "If Kurt ever needs a ride to his lessons, I would be happy to take him." Shelby felt a panic in her chest at Carol's confused look.

As if on cue, the door opened and Kurt popped out. "Mom, Finn is whining because his milkshake is gone."

…...

He had kept his promise. He hadn't put anything inside. However, this felt worse. Rachel was still trembling on the floor, on her back, behind his desk. He stood up and buttoned up his pants and his shirt. He looked down at her like a happy man. He scrunched down next to her and ran his hand through her hair and she flinched. He chuckled. He reached over her and pulled her up to standing. Her tights were still around her knees, her dress open and her training bra pushed up.

He pushed down her training bra and pulled up her tights. She let out a whimper because the stuff that had exploded from his body was still coating her front. When he moved her bra down and her tights up, the slimmy, cold feeling settled uncomfortably underneath her clothes. She cried out as he rubbed her belly and chest to spread it out more. He squeezed her tightly and made her face him as she tried to turn away. She felt the tips of his fingers digging into her ribs.

"No," he said fiercely. "Hold still like a good girl."

She bowed her head. He buttoned her dress up and rubbed the loose fabric over her stomach and lingered on her chest and lower area, forcing the stickiness to spread. He pulled her into a hug and kissed her temple. "You're mine now," he whispered. He untied the tie gag and kissed her softly on the lips. "That's my girl," he said with a kind smile. Her tear stained face was exhausted and it showed. He grabbed a tissue and dampened it with his own spit and she flinched away as he cleaned her tears. "Who do you belong to Rachel?" She looked at him with a trembling breath. He brought his hand to the back of her head and tugged her hair roughly. "Who, Rachel?"

"You," she sobbed.

He shook his head and released her. "That's right. I marked you." He wiped more of her tears with his thumb. "No more crying. The mark on your arm." They both looked at her arm where he had dragged her into the back. It was bruising. Her short sleeved dress barely covered it. "Listen to me. They're going to ask you questions. You are going to tell them that you fell while dancing and I caught you. And in your fall you spilled coffee on yourself." He chuckled. He grabbed his cup from the desk and spilt some on the back of her dress. It was cold, but it was still another damp feeling Rachel didn't want. She now smelled like coffee instead of …. her thoughts trailed off. "And I have a feeling that you're not going to be a good enough actress to deal with my newly confessed love." He sighed and looked at her confused, tear-filled eyes. "So, you're going to tell them that you're starting to remember because of an innocent touch that you took wrong."

Rachel sobbed. "You know about that too?"

He chuckled still holding her around the ribs. "I know everything." He leaned forward. "Do you understand? That is what you will tell people." She nodded. He wiped her tears again. "No crying." "Now, do we have talk about what will happen if you tell, Rachel? If you tell anyone about our special time together?" She shook her head as the tears started again, knowing she was trapped. "Don't cry now," he coaxed. "You just need to keep our secret. When you go home wash your clothes, okay? You're a big girl and can do your own laundry." She just stared ahead blankly trying not to feel the cool substance drying on her body. "Not a word, Rachel. You put that beautiful smile on your face and you act like nothing happened." He made her look him in the eyes by pulling her chin up with his fingers. "Because what will happen if you say anything?" Rachel started to cry again. "I said no more crying!" He went gently again. "Answer me. What will happen?"

"My mom will go to j-j-j-jail and we'll be separated," Rachel mumbled.

"That's right," Will said triumphantly. "And you will be all alone." He stood up with a smile. "Let's go get your coat on. It's almost time for you to leave."

He guided her out to the choir room. He pulled on her coat and buttoned it for her. Rachel spotted Suzy siting at a desk silently. Had she been there the whole time? Had she heard? She felt her heart racing. What if Suzy told? Everything would fall apart. Her thoughts were interrupted as he tightened her coat around her. Rachel felt the dampness between her dress shift and she frowned in discomfort. "I'll see you next time, Rachel and don't forget to smile." She looked at him with worn eyes. "I said smile." She gave him a weak smile.

Suddenly a noise made her jump. The door opened.

"Why is this closed?" Quinn asked with a concerned look. She looked between Rachel and the teacher. There was something off. She shot a look at Suzy. She looked into Rachel's eyes. Something had happened. "Rach?"

Rachel looked back at Mr. Schuester whose smile hadn't changed. The girl looked back at Quinn. She smiled.

"Nothing. I'm fine. We were just having a loud rehearsal."

Rachel looked back at Will who nodded in approval. "It was a good one."

Quinn frowned. Something was up. "Well, let's go, okay?"

Rachel nodded and walked over to grab her backpack. She bent over to get it and Mr. Schuester looked down at her with the same smile. She took a hold of the strap and slowly made her way back toward Quinn, who was holding her hand out for her.

"Rachel," he called out.

She jumped and Quinn noticed and frowned even deeper. She spotted the look of concern and gave the older girl a reassuring smile. She turned and looked at her teacher.

He waved. "See you next time."

Her face fell. She saw Suzy's look of confusion. She straightened when she saw a flare in his eyes and her smile miraculously regained its strength.

"Come on, bugs," Quinn said putting her hand gently on her back. "Let's go."

Rachel allowed Quinn to lead her out of them room. She looked over her shoulder one last time at her teacher. He had a smile on. He put his index finger to his lips and said barely above a whisper, "Shhh."

…...

"I'll be right in," Carol called to her youngest son.

"Rachel has been telling me that he's been going with her," Shelby said not able to break her eyes from him. Her voice was quiet. She couldn't believe it. "She lied to me."

"I guess we're not the only ones who have problems," Carol said sympathetically.

"I told her I wouldn't go with her," Kurt said suddenly appearing next to his mother. "He liked her too much and hated me and my talent."

Carol and Shelby both exchanged a look. Carol looked at her son. "What do you mean 'liked her too much?'"

"He never even looked at me or helped me like he helped her," Kurt said folding his arms over his chest. "But I also had a weird feeling when i was with him so I stopped going."

Carol gawked at her son. She took a deep breath. "Why didn't you tell me about your weird feeling?"

"I told her," Kurt said relaxing slightly noticing the tension.

Shelby felt like someone hit her in the stomach. "What did she say?"

"She didn't believe me," Kurt said with a frown.

The mothers exchanged another look. "You need to tell Shelby's mother everything that you know, Kurt. Down to the last feeling."

Kurt looked at his mother and then back at Shelby. "He touched her back all the time and smiled at her in a way that made me think about those cheesy romance movies. IT was definitely not the way that he looked at me. It was different. It was weird."

Carol and Shelby looked at each other. Carol could see the woman's panic.

"Kurt, if you ever have this feelings you should always tell an adult," Carol told her son.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"I need to go," Shelby said looking at her watch. The lesson had ended. She needed to get home. "Thank you."

…...

Quinn followed Rachel down the hallway. The girl had her hands gripping tightly onto the straps of her backpack as she gazed at the floor.

"Rachel," she called out quietly. The tiny girl remained the same and continued walking. "Rachel?" No response again. "Rachel?" she asked reaching her hand out touching the back of her arm.

The girl flinched away with a jump. She watched as the tiny brunette squeezed her eyes tight in regret. "What?" she asked quietly.

Quinn walked directly in front of her. She looked at the girl with her bowed head. "Rach, what happened?" she whispered.

"Nothing," she muttered.

"Look at me," she said sternly.

Rachel looked up with big, tear-filled eyes. "Nothing happened."

"Rachel," Quinn whispered. "Tell me what happened."

"Nothing. He didn't do anything," Rachel said. Her tears fell. "It was me...Coffee...I got scared... We were dancing and... He didn't do anything."

"Rachel-"

"Please, Quinn," she said as the tears escaped her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks. "I wanna go."

She wasn't going to let this go, but she wasn't going to do this in the hallway. She needed to do this right.

Rachel stared at her hands. She was trying her best not to move her body because the more she moved the more she felt the dampness underneath her clothing. There were some places that felt less cold and damn and more like dried Elmer's glue. He had rubbed it everywhere on her front. She shifted her legs apart slightly. Below her bellybutton was where it was beginning to harden. He had spread so much of it down there. She didn't see her aunt or Quinn looking at her through their mirrors. All she heard was his threats. She could feel were his hands had been and feel his breath.

The car finally came to a halt. "I need to go to the bathroom."

Rachel sprinted up the stairs, ignoring the calls from Santana, Bear and Noah from the kitchen. She just needed to shower. She just needed to get clean. She turned on the water and let the shower warm up. She shut the adjoining doors to the two older girls' rooms, hating at that moment that her mother didn't believe in locks. She stripped off her jacket and her clothes. She needed to hide them. She couldn't put them in the hamper. She spotted the linen cupboard. It was one that she and Noah used to hide in when they were little. Santana always hated it. She pushed her clothes into the back of it vowing to return to them but not yet. Not yet. She looked at her hands as she pulled from the closet. She was shaking. She squeezed her hands tightly. She couldn't make it stop. She returned to the shower. It was steaming up fast in the bathroom. Hot water kills germs, she thought to herself. Kills germs. She let out a small sob as she climbed into the shower trying her best to will herself to stop shaking. She stepped under the water. She let out another sob. She washed the front of her body vigorously. She just needed to get clean. How did he know? How did he know all that he knew? How did...she trailed off. She couldn't tell anyone. She felt trapped. She felt stuck. She sunk down in the tub of the shower. The water ran over her. She pulled her knees up to her chest. She was so stuck. She was so scared of being alone that to avoid it, she was alone anyway.

…...

Quinn sat in the passenger seat for a few minutes. This felt too familiar. She was going over again and again in her head where she messed up. What had she missed? Walking with Rachel, all she could think about was her father. She wasn't sure why but there was something there and she couldn't put her finger on it. She felt her stomach clench. What if he had done something to her? She had left her with him and- Joey's phone went off. She hadn't realized they were both still in the car.

"Hey, Shel," Joey answered. "Yeah, we just got home and -... What? ….. No, Quinn walked her in..." Joey's face dropped, she looked at Quinn. The two exchanged glances.

"Shit," Quinn hissed. She ran into the house and up the stairs taking the steps two at a time. She could hear the shower already going. Her mind was racing... She had always taken a shower afterward... "Rachel? Rachel?"

"What happened?" Santana asked as her and Joey came to the door.

Quinn met the brunette's eyes. The blonde shook her head frantically as she tried to catch her breath, "She was acting weird. I think something happened."

Santana felt her heart rate pick up. She looked at the door. "Rachel?" she asked knocking on the door.

"Rachel, sweetheart," Joey called knocking on the door. "Can we come in?"

"What's going on?" Bear asked coming up behind them with Noah.

"Let's go to one of the other doors," Noah suggested. There are three entrances to the bathroom.

"We can't barge in on her," Quinn said. "She's scared."

"Yes, we can," Santana said. "Especially if something is wrong."

"Hold on a sec," Joey said as she starred at the closed door. They all waited for some response. They could heard the water running and slight sobs. She turned to Bear. "We're going to need the neb." Noah disappeared down the hallway hurriedly.

"I want Santana," a sob murmured from inside the bathroom.

"Rachel, baby, what happened," Bear asked. There was no answer.

On the other side of the door, Rachel heard the chaos outside. She needed to get out from beneath the water. She needed to get something on before someone came in. She looked at her arm. The bruise was darkening. She slipped while dancing and he caught her. She nodded and repeated it in her head. That's what happened. She wiped her tears. She heard her uncle say he was going to come in. She couldn't... He wouldn't... She needed to get out. She let the water continue running and climbed out.

"I'm coming in." she heard her uncle say.

She sobbed. He couldn't come in here. She didn't know how to lie to him yet. She didn't know how to because he knew what questions to ask. Not that Santana would ask, but San was safe; she always has been. "No!" Rachel screamed. "I want Santana!"

Bear looked at the older girl who already had her hand on the doorknob ready to go in.

"I got this," she said to her uncle. Santana glanced at Quinn for a moment. Worry highlighting her features.

She walked into the bathroom. It was so steamy because of the hot water. She could barely see. She stood close to the shower curtain. "Rach?" she said softly. "Rachel?"

She didn't get an answer. "Bugs, talk to me, what's wrong?" Without an answer again, she peaked in. There was no one in the shower. Jesus. She reached in and turned off the water. "My god, Rach! This is scalding!" She turned away from the shower and looked at her bedroom door that was slightly ajar. She went quietly into her room. Her heart beat fast in her chest. She opened her bedroom door slowly. Rachel was curled up on her bed, dressed in one of Santana's sweatshirts and running shorts that were way too big for her, clenching Santana's pillow.

Santana gave a sigh and walked over to Rachel and pulled her into her arms, rocking her slowly. "I've got you," she whispered. "I'm right here." Rachel sobbed into her neck as Santana heard the front door slam and Shelby run up the stairs. "Are you hurt?" she whispered into Rachel's ear. The crying girl shook her head into her neck. "What happened?"

The door to the hallway opened before Rachel answered. The family looked at the girls. Shelby walked over to them. Shelby looked at her eldest daughter and Santana nodded trying to give the small girl to her mother.

"No," Rachel sobbed.

"Rachel, I need to see you. I need to talk to you," Shelby said gently taking in her daughter's reaction. "I spoke to Kurt's mother. I know he hasn't been to any of the lessons in a very long time."

Santana's frowned deepened. "What?" she asked in shock. She looked at Quinn. "What?"

"N-n-n-n-n-no," Rachel said with tears.

"He told me that Kurt was in the bathroom," Quinn said watching Rachel. "Suzy Pepper was in there when I left and I made her promise to stay until Kurt got back..." Quinn trailed off. "She was still there when I got back..." She looked at Rachel and shook her head. "Rachel..."

Rachel cried into Santana's shoulder, heaving. Shelby's arms were around her ribs trying to take her, but Rachel held tight.

Quinn shook her head. "I …. I … I..." She felt her breath hitch in her chest. She couldn't be in here. She ran out of the room from the mistake that she made. Joey rushed after her.

Shelby sighed and turned back to Santana and Rachel. "Here, Mom," Noah said handing Shelby the nebulizer after plugging it in. Bear nodded and headed out of the room, letting Shelby take care of it.

"Rachel," Shelby said putting the mask over her youngest daughter's face. "You need to tell me what happened. Do you want your brother and sister to leave?"

Rachel shook her head. She sobbed and shook her head. She reached out and took Noah's hand. She was already starting to calm down her breathing. She traced the back of her brother's bruised hand.

"Nothing happened," Rachel murmured under the mask. "I just … I-I-I remembered. "

Santana and Noah exchanged a glance. "You remembered?"

Rachel nodded into Santana's shoulder. Shelby took a deep breath.

"What caused it? Why did you rush into the bathroom to take a shower?" she asked her youngest daughter quietly.

Rachel turned her face into her sister's neck. Shelby looked at her son.

"Rachel, we need to see if you need to go to the hospital. You need to let me look at you," she said gently.

The girl avoided her mother's gaze while turning her head out to look at her brother's hand again.

"Rachel," Santana whispered. "What happened?"

"Nothing," she mumbled. She was crying more silently now, but still enough to heave slightly. "We were dancing and I slipped and he caught me and it scared me. And I remembered."

"Remembered what?" Shelby asked.

Rachel sat up slightly and looked at the three of them. She had to lie. She had to lie. She realized there was a way not to lie, not completely. However, as she began forming the words on her lips she began to cry again, because the truth of remembering that was confusing and hard in itself. She buried her face in Santana's neck.

"The room," she murmured. "I remembered what happened in the room."

Shelby watched the color drain from Santana and Noah's faces. She didn't realize it was draining from her own.

"What did he do? What did he do to make you remember that?" Noah asked trying his best to stay calm.

"He caught me," Rachel whispered. Lying was becoming easier in Santana's arms, as a reminder of what she would lose if she told the truth.

Shelby took a deep breath. "Rachel, I need to look at you. I need to look to see if you're hurt."

"I'm not," she whimpered holding onto Santana more tightly.

"Rachel," Santana said rubbing soothing circles on her back. "Either you sit up and let Mom look at you or I am carrying you out to the car and we're going to the hospital."

Shelby looked at her daughter with pride and heartache, hating that her daughter knew the seriousness of this situation. Rachel sat up and looked at her mother. She turned in Santana's arms and leaned against her big sister's chest so that she was facing her mother.

"Want me to go get George, bugs?" Noah asked gently. He chuckled. "And maybe your own clothes because these clothes are waaaay too big for you. Rachel looked up at him as she bit the corner of her lip, allowing her tears to fall down her cheeks and around her mask. She nodded. "Okay," he muttered. He leaned down and ran his hand over the top of her head. She flinched. Santana looked at her mother over Rachel's head with a flare in her eyes. Rachel reached out and grabbed Noah's hand.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's fine," he muttered. "You want your sweat pants?"

"And your old jersey," she said quietly searching his eyes to see if he accepted her apology.

He gave her a soft smile. "You got it."

"Thank you, Noah," Shelby said to her son. He nodded and exited. Shelby turned back to Rachel.

"He didn't hurt me," Rachel muttered. "You don't have to do this."

"Rachel," Santana said.

"How do you want to do this? Do you want your sister to hold you?" Rachel nodded. Shelby reached and took the mask off. ""Bug, do you know why we need to do this?"

Rachel shook her head. The tears were starting again. "Because you... Because you don't believe me."

Shelby looked at her sadly. "I guess that's part of it, but I know you're scared and I don't know if you remember this but how you're acting right now, this is how you used to act." Shelby felt Santana's dark eyes on her. She knew she remembered. "You used to cling to Santana a lot and just cry. You wanted to take baths a lot. Do you remember that?"

Rachel looked at her mother and looked over her shoulder at her sister. She looked back at her mother. "No."

Shelby took a deep breath. "Rachel, I need to check to see if you're hurt because you lied to me." Shelby caught Santana's eyes and knew that the older girl felt betrayed too. "You lied to your sisters, to your brother and your aunt and uncle. You lied for a reason and I need to check if you're okay."

"I-I-I'm okay."

"You're not," Shelby said. "And that worries me. Something happened and maybe you're telling the truth but you need to understand why I don't believe you."

Her heart broke as her Rachel's chin began to quiver. Rachel bowed her head. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

"Okay,"Shelby said. "Stand up a little, Rach." Rachel stood up slightly but continued to lean against her sister, her safe place. Shelby gave a slight smirk when Santana's running shorts immediately slipped off of Rachel. Rachel grabbed them before they fell down her legs.

Shelby searched. She searched her daughter's young body as she cried silently. Shelby tried her best to be fast, but she was afraid she would miss something. Scenario after scenario was playing in her head. Did he hold her down? Did he hit her? Her mind was blurry with possibilities.

Rachel pulled her arm through the sleeve after her mother looked at it. One last one, she told herself. She felt Santana holding her. She had to prepare herself. She had to. The anxiety of lying to her mother and Santana again were no where near what she felt about having to leave them. The thought of that made her heart stop.

"Rachel, what is this?" Shelby asked.

She followed her gaze. The finger marks were sinking more into her skin.

"That's...where he caught me," Rachel said trying to stare at the bruise and not her sister or her mother. They had to believe her.

"Rachel," Santana muttered tracing the bruise.

Shelby looked at her, searching for something that told her that it was a lie.

"He caught me..." She said. She heard his words echoing in her head. _"You will ruin EVERYTHING."_ She looked at her mother and sister. She put the sweatshirt back on. "He... He caught me. He saved me from falling. " She couldn't be alone. She wouldn't survive it.

There was a gentle knock at the door. "Can I come in?" Noah asked from the other side.

"Yes," Rachel called out. Noah walked in. "Can I just lay down?" She looked at the family. "I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm just... I ….Where's Quinn?"

"She's downstairs," Noah said handing Rachel her clothes.

Rachel bit her lip and slipped out of Santana's arms. "I'm going to change..."

They watched after her as she slipped out of the room wondering if what she said was the truth.

…...

Quinn collapsed at the bottom of the stairs. This couldn't be happening? This just couldn't be-

"Quinn?"

"I messed up," she whispered. "I left her there. I left her there and now she's a different person. She...Now... now I … I did that."

"Quinn," Joey started.

There was a creak on the stairs and Bear appeared. Quinn shook her head and looked at him with regret.

"I told Suzy not to leave until Kurt got there. I told her that she had a choice to leave." She shook her head. "You can fix this right? Right? You have to?" She was so hurried. "When I got there …. he just smiled, but something was different about Rachel. So so different. I don't know how to describe it." She felt tears in her eyes. She tried her best to hold them in. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"You did everything you could," Bear assured. "She lied to us. I'll figure this out." He sighed. "This isn't you."

"It feels like it."

"It's not," Joey reinforced. "This is not your fault. You did what you were supposed to. And if Rachel's telling the truth, he just triggered something."

Quinn pointed up the stairs. "That's not the girl we dropped off. You're telling me that him catching her triggered THAT?"

"I'm going to go over and talk to him," Bear said starting for the door.

"Lawrence Carlson! Absolutely not!" Joey said standing up.

"Why not?" Quinn asked. "He's the chief and he can do what he wants."

"No," Joey said. "You're too emotional. You can go over first thing tomorrow morning with Gus. Not now. Absolutely not!"

"I'm calling the station to have someone check on him," Bear said taking out his phone.

"As long as it's not you. You will kill that man," Joey said. "And we need you here."

"But what if he runs," Quinn asked.

"He won't," Joey said.

"How do you know?"

"Because then he'll look guilty," Joey said thinking carefully to herself. "And I don't think he will want that."

…..

Noah leaned against the door frame from outside of Rachel's room. He could hear his mother, aunt and uncle talking down the hallway. He shook his head. He didn't know what was going on.

He spotted Quinn at the end of the hallway. Santana emerged from the bathroom. The three of them exchanged a look. "I don't believe this," Noah said crossing his arms. "I don't believe that he just caught her."

"There's nothing they can do if that's all she says," Santana said.

"But your uncle will still question him right?," Quinn asked.

"If he doesn't, I will," Noah hissed.

"Maybe she's telling the truth," Santana muttered. She knew she couldn't take it if something else happened. She couldn't breathe thinking about eight years ago. To add something else, felt too much. It was all too much.

There was a muffled sob from Rachel's room. Santana stared at the door. She remembered the room. A lingering chill trembled through her body. She couldn't think about any of this. She just...

"I don't know," Santana whispered. "But I'm not leaving her in there."

She opened the door quietly and moved slowly toward Rachel's bed.

"Come here," Santana whispered as she pulled Rachel into her arms, rocking her gently. She didn't want to remember all that happened in that room. She had spent the last eight years hoping that those memories would never return for Rachel, but now those expectations were shattered.

"I promise that h-h-he just caught me," Rachel heaved into Santana's ear. "Don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered. "I promise."

…...

The house was quiet. Shelby laid her head on the table.

"I dont know what to do," she said as she sat up. "Do you think she's telling the truth?"

Bear paced in the room. "I dont think she is," he said. "She's reacting-"

"Like she did when I first got her back," Shelby finished. "Elyse and I talked about this. The slightest touch could have triggered something." She put her head in her hands. "But I can't be sure."

"There's nothing we can do about it until she says something or until he does something that's more than catching her when she slips," Bear said.

"I've already scheduled an emergency session before we leave for Florida tomorrow afternoon." She looked at her sister. "Should we even go?"

"We need to now more than anything," Joey said. "I don't know what's going on in her head, but we all know she's been off before today. It's been building."

"Bear, we can't go banging down his door because of a lie that we think Rachel is telling," Shelby said. "You and I both know that."

"I have a feeling," he said. "And I think he said something to her to make her want to lie. He's scaring her into silence and I'm not going to put up with it."

"Well, your feeling isn't enough," Shelby said. "You think I like seeing her like this? She won't let me hold her. She won't let go of Santana. I can see that this is hurting both of them. And Quinn and Noah too." She ran her hand through her hair. "We have the session first thing tomorrow. Maybe Elyse can get something out of her."

She squeezed her eyes shut. She could only hope.

**What happens to Rachel is loosely based on a case that I have dealt with. Sexual abuse is about control and possession as well as everything else that it involves. So for those of you who suspected, you were right. **….. **For those of you who are furious... or have your hearts in your throat, take a deep moment to be furious, cry, or catch your breath. I planned the Rachel/Will storyline very meticulously. I have been really considering a sequel to the story regardless of the fact that this story is no where to its end. What gets me through is that i've already written the ending and beyond in my head. **

**I am worried and holding my breath to see how everyone reacts. Legitimately, have almost deleted this whole thing multiple times in fear of your reactions. Thank you again for all of your support with this little story. I know that I cannot please you all, but I'm trying my best to do so and tell a story, one that it very close to my heart and in my opinion so essential to tell. Your faith in me and this story has been so miraculous. I hope this chapter didn't force you to lose faith in me or this story. **


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Filmaddict - I am sorry for making you cry. This chapter is not as depressing but yes unfortunately these things are true. I thank you for sticking with the story even though it is depressing. Thank you so much for your review.

Hazelstar - Thank you for reviewing and taking the time to read this heavy fic in a three-day sitting. Exhausting. :) There are a few good Puck moments here and coming up. It's going to be a long road for all of them. Brittana has a long road. Their cuteness is adorable but they certainly have a long road. Thank you again.

Anon - Thank you for reviewing. I don't plan on stopping this anytime soon but some chapters are more difficult to write than others.

Sally - It is a challenge for Quinn to ask to be held - and she desperately wants it. I have a friend who can relate to this so much - there was no hugging in her family and she struggles with it everyday. Shelby will help her with this as will all of the Corcoran family. Thanks for reviewing.

dixxxiiejane - Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am sorry those awful things have happened to you. I am glad you are finding some comfort in my story. Thanks for the review.

JustHoldingOn – First I am totally impressed that you wrote your fabulous review on your phone! Now that is impressive. I am sorry this chapter was a tough read for you. It was a tough write for me. I do not feel the show did or is portraying the Brittana scenes properly and I wanted to do it the way I think is more natural so I am glad you like it. The flashbacks from NY will San/Rachel and Noah will happen periodically in this story because they are important to show how everyone evolved. Quinn's guilt is a killer and Elyse and Shelby will help her more and more to release some of it. Finally, Shelby on the show was portrayed wrong in my eyes. She came back looking for Rachel but then one sentence by Rachel's glee teacher and everything changes and she walks back out. Not realistic. Then she adopts a baby from Rachel's classmates comes back to have them in the baby's life and then abruptly leaves again – again not realistic in my eyes. She was portrayed as a strong leader one minute (with VA) but yet a very weak woman the next (can't make up her mind what she wants so she runs). Hated it so I changed it and I am glad you like it. Thanks so much for the review. It means a lot.

Filmaddict – I hope you are still enjoying it – 20 more chapters and you will be caught up. I hope you also got some sleep though. Thanks for taking the time to review.

Iuterpi – Your review was tremendous. Thank you so much. This chapter and the coming chapters are really difficult ones for Rachel. She is so torn about what to do – she knows she should tell the truth but at the same time being threatened that she will lose her family if she does tell the truth. And on top of that to be physically assaulted by the creep. Yes it is intense. These kids do have a lot of times when they are "normal" teenagers – they just have had so many bad things happen to them so they struggle with some real adults issues as well. I am glad you are taking the Corcoran ride with me. I hope you will enjoy it even though it does get really bumpy sometimes.

hypegurl- Thank you for reading every update. Unfortunately you are correct these things do happen in every day life. Thank you so much for your kind words. I am striving to make this story as real as possible.

Tcathing – There are many reasons why people didn't listen or trust their instincts and hindsight is always 20/20. I will tell you that she will not be going back for any lessons with Will. They don't believe what she is saying. Quinn will be a help with Rachel but they are two very different people and while she will offer her advice and love and protection, she needs to also deal with her abuse and trauma. Thank you for your praise, this story will continue for awhile and it may get more uncomfortable but there is justice in the end.

theluckyclover – at first I was confused by your review but then I realized it was after chapter 19 so I know you must continue to read on to see what happens. I hope you continue to enjoy. Thanks for reviewing and Finn is somewhat different than Finn in the actual show.

Random Dice – Thank you for saying that. I do worry a lot about my reader's reactions. This story is far from over but there are some very heavy and emotional chapters. I put the warnings there for a reason and I really do want my readers to use caution. This is a very angst filled story however, I hope to also relay the message that people can also heal. Thank you for your review.

– Thank you.

Jay-Leigh17 – Your first line – made me chuckle – thank you. I am humbled by your words. I do work with children that have suffered trauma and who think they are broken. It is very sad that there are so many in this world. While all these kids have had horrific things happen to them – I also try to show that they have love and while this story has quite a way to go before coming to an end – I hope I can show that there is always hope.

Shauna – Sorry for the punch. Unfortunately the hate letters that Judy Fabray left for her daughter are based on real life experiences in my field of work. People are cruel and selfish sometimes and Judy is one of the most selfish cruel people there is. Yes the letters are kept as evidence. Regarding Will – it remains to be seen what will be his reaction but if you would like I can PM you and give you the insider scoop. As much as the older kids would like to hurt Suzy – they all know that it is not her fault so no harm will come to Suzy from them. And thank you for noticing all the good people in this story – each one of them brings something to each other. Thanks for reviewing.

B Cruce – Thank you so much! More Bear and Joey this chapter.

Gleek1990- It was an awful thing for him to do to Rachel but it shows how low he will stoop to get her to listen to him. He is playing with her mind in such an evil way. Thank you so much for your review. I am glad you enjoyed the chapter.

rachelfabray – I try to update as fast as I can but it seems it is on a weekly basis so I make sure that I cover all the facts – and make sure all the emotions and reactions are realistic. Thanks for your review.

Drea LuRuiz – He is playing some harmful tricks with her mind as well and he has also let it know to her that he knows a lot about her so she may continue to keep up the lie for as long as she can because as much as she wants to tell she doesn't want to break up her family. Florida will bring some happy moments but not as much as there could have been had this stuff not been happening. Thank you for reviewing.

j1020 – Sorry I made you sick. There is light at the end of the tunnel but it is a long tunnel. I am just putting that warning out there. I hope you stick with me but I do have an ending to this all prepared its just not for a while. Thanks for reviewing and sticking with this story.

Cookie – Writing this story has gotten me through this ridiculous hiatus as well. Brittana has a long road ahead and it will be bumpy but in the end I hope I do it the justice it deserves. Flashbacks will come for the kids – so that you see a little more of how they got to be who they are today. Thanks for reviewing.

OTHangels – Glad you liked it. There has to be a little more evidence for Mr. Schuester to get arrested. Hope you enjoy this chapter – thanks for reviewing.

Kimberlli – Well I would say that I am sorry that you will look at Mr. Schue in a different light now on the show but I am not really a fan of his so – my mission was accomplished. Quinn is finally seeing what the word family means. Noah is an amazing brother so it will be interesting to see what he will do. Thanks for the review.

missingviolet – that's the plan. Thanks for the review.

krbutler98 - Well Mr. Schue is a person to hate. It was intense and hold on – Thanks for the review.

hersheysforever – thank you my goal was to handle it with sensitivity because it is such a delicate matter. Thank you for reviewing.

kristine24 – I am sorry that you hate it. It is a harsh scene. It has quite a while to go though so if you would like to PM me I can give you the ending that I have envisioned.

marinka4 – I will let you be one of the first to decide will's punishments ok. I don't know the theories in your head but there are several more things for this story. This story though isn't finished by any means, I have no idea how many chapters are left but it is not ending anytime soon, but I have ideas for a sequel. Quinn is a lovely addition to the Corcoran family though.

sillystarshine – I am glad you recognized the control Will has over Rachel. Is will be extremely hard for her to tell the truth right now as much as she really wants to – and trust me she does but she is so torn. Yes I have thought about a sequel but this one is not over for a while. Thanks for the review.

Wentzie72 – Thank you so much for your kind words. Its reviews like yours that make me keep going and make me want to only post my best work. It is very heartbreaking.

WittyNinja – While the threat is there to Rachel that they would separate the family it would not happen because the abuse is from outside the family and Shelby is a trained professional. However, Rachel is eleven and already been through so much so these threats are very real to her. The sequel is down the road a bit but yes I want to do one. Thank you for the review.

amandaes417 – yes Rachel will take something to calm her for the flight – because of her anxiety around loud noises they have found that best to sedate her so she doesn't freak out during the flight – you will see that in this chapter. Rachel is going through a very very tough time and sometimes Shelby has to be a little harsher than she likes because it will eventually make Rachel grow. Brittana is a slow process but with the right approach should grow into a healthy relationship. As much as I want the updates to come out sooner – I need to be satisfied be with what I write before I post. Thank you so much for loving my story.

Gleeauthor11 – Please do not punch anyone. I do love my job. And I do think that it is not for everyone because the stories that I see in my job are heartbreaking and beyond explanation most of the time. Idina would have done a fabulous job as this Shelby but unfortunately the writers of glee wanted to take it in a different direction. Thank you for always reviewing.

crackship-queen – I will always give you the ending if you really really want it but only if you PM me. But it would be like reading the last page of a good book. Do you want to do that? Hmmmm. I hope you are back to being able to speak in sentences again. I think Quinn would add a couple more people to her hitlist too. Thanks for the review –

GLEE5678 – Thank you so much for the review and the nice words. Again I get humbled by the reviews. They mean so much to me and make me want to do my very best. I feel besides telling a good story – character development is so important. I am sorry look differently at Mr. Schue now.

SuzQQ – They are not going to let her near him again but that scares her just as much because he has already threatened her in so many ways that she wont know what he is up to – in one way she will be relieved but in another way she won't if that makes sense. She and Santana will always be close but some of that is from an unhealthy need – Shelby sees this and it will be addressed. Noah will get some quality male bonding in the next chapter or two as well. Judy is a piece of work but I think as much as Quinn now sees that her mother is rotten – she is still her mother and does feel a sense of obligation to visit her. Santana is anxious about telling anyone about her relationship with Brittany – she is not comfortable with it herself so having it known to more people and especially to people she loves, is frightening to her. It is the fear of the unknown. She has no idea how her grandmother will react but she would prefer not to face that right not with everything going on. And as always – I look forward to your reviews.

NayaFan – Awe Nayafan! Thank you so much – I read your stories all the time and love them. I am amazed that you can write several of them all at once. I have trouble keeping two stories going at the same time. I always love seeing your reviews so thank you!

val-cb Thank you for the review

piecesofyourheart – I am sorry that that chapter made you so sick. It is my intention to tell the story with passion and to make sense and to make you feel the characters and their actions. A sequel has been on my mind for some time now. I have so many things that I would love to explore when Rachel is in high school but this story has a ways to go before that happens but it is definitely something that I want to explore. I can assure you that this is the last session with him. From now on the family is not going to let him alone with her. As always, thanks for your review, they are always appreciated.

Dave – Thank you so much for your review. You are correct there are millions of real life children that endure this every day. I see it in my field of work all the time. If this story in any way helps people out there identify signs of things happening around them then it makes me truly happy.

sachiiko yuri – Its ok that you skipped parts – that's why I put the warnings in the beginning. This story will be a hard read for some and I completely understand that. Rachel is in a very tough position and she is only 11 so she is definitely confused so her telling someone is not that easy for her. Rachel is one of my favorites too. Thanks for the review.

needscoffee – Thanks so much for your review. It is dramatic and that part will not end yet.

NinjaGleek21 – I have put you on the list of people that want to kill him and when the time comes, if the time comes, I will get a hold of you. Please do fail your tests for this story. Thanks for the review and the cookies.

Stevensone – Thank you so much for the review. I love this family too and I always hoped that my readers love it as much as I do.

JackyKay – Quinn does have a lot on her plate right now – she has so much going on with herself and her new found feelings. Will is a very vile man who apparently stop at nothing to get what he wants. Thanks for reviewing.

Marauderette96 –Your welcome – I understand that it is a hard read for everyone but you are correct it does happen to a lot of people out there and I wish I could get it to stop. Thank you for your review.

othlvr16 – will and Judy do need to go into a hole together and die but that is not going to happen anytime if ever. Noah will figure things out I promise. Thanks for reviewing.

Ryoko05 – Wow – thank you so much for your review. Yes I do get nervous on how my readers are going to respond to a chapter. This was a very emotional chapter and I want to make sure that I get all the characters reactions correct. Abuse does affect people differently and it is not that easy to have a blanket fix – life doesn't work that way. People don't work that way. I am humbled by your words for me. Thank you so much – reviews like yours inspire me to do more and to only put out my best work so thank you so much for that.

Renata – I am sorry I made you a hot mess- Thank you for sharing my story with a co-worker though. It is a very difficult read and is not for all. You will not like Will in this chapter either he is a predator that will stop at nothing to get his prey. I love my Brazilian reviews! Thank you

HPbookfan – Thank you for the review. I try not to leave cliffhangers but I do try to keep it suspenseful.

Hmm – Yup it is

Survivor – I was reading your review and I was sad to hear that you have heard those words said to you but then I saw your name and I thought to myself – yes you are a survivor! I am so happy to hear that you are a survivor and will never be a victim again. I am glad you can see the realism in the story that even with the knowledge it can still happen. There are people out there that twist everything to get what they want. In my story – they will be survivors and the evil people will not prevail. So thank you again for sharing a piece of your story.

broadwaybound2016 - Will is a sick man. Quinn is learning and while it is slow – I think it is natural. Thanks for your review.

Old Man Panda – I am sorry for your family's history. It is terrible what people do to others in this world. I hope that they have learned to deal with their abuse and have moved on. Thank you for your review.

HIsland429 – men like the 3 you named are evil but as you can see – Bear, Gus, and Noah are 3 strong men that makes us all believe that there are good ones still left in the world. Rachel will not be going back to lessons with Will – but that won't make her anymore comfortable because she knows that he will be angry with her. They will be going to FL this chapter but unfortunately it will not be as happy as it could have been because Rachel's head is so full of doubt. Thanks for reviewing.

banjojd – Judy is an awful human being. Quinn will become a much better person getting as far away from them as possible. She is having feelings that she never has experienced and they are good ones so that is so confusing to her right now. Eating is an issue for poor Rachel and for Quinn and I think Shelby is going to use the both of them to help each other through it. It is hard for the both of them. Brittany's letter is only the beginning of this relationship – Santana is going to struggle with it – she wants it but she doesn't understand it. It is frightening for her as it is for Brittany too. As the story progresses you will see more flashbacks for the kids. The story has a long way to go so there will be plenty of opportunity for the flashbacks to happen. I do worry that I may lose readers because this is a hard read for people so that is why I put the warnings out there. I want to make the characters as real as possible so thank you for letting me know that you enjoy my work.

Bueller – I want to hug Rachel all the time. Will is evil and if the family has anything to do with it he will never be around Rachel again. Thank you for reviewing

GleeFanatic1988 – Thank you for your review. It is hard to write a scene like that for one of the characters that I love so much – Brittany's letter was one of my favorite things to write.

thisisnutz – I tried to be as realistic as possible in the scene. It is a very hard write but the hardest thing about it is knowing that in real life it does happen. You are correct, I also wish there wasn't a need for people to have such jobs. There will always be evil but I hope show that there is also hope and triumphant over evil. Thank you for years of work in the field. And Thank you for your review.

Stepheyy – I have to say I am totally confused by your review. I am glad you are watching out for your friend.

J.A - Thank you for finding my story and reviewing. More is going to happen – unfortunately with people like Will they rarely just walk away.

Lammy – Thank you for taking the time to review. I appreciate all my reviewers !

Karissa – There are many reasons why it will be hard for Rachel to tell on Will. But you are correct – Will is a bastard. Thank you for reviewing.

* * *

><p>Chapter 29<p>

**First of all, I want to thank you all for supporting this chapter. I am blown away that we got such a HUGE response from this chapter. Over sixty reviews, whoa... my mind is still in shock. Thank you! I feel badly because now that we have hit such a high level of responses, I can't help but think it can only go down. You know what they say, once you hit the top, the only way to go is down. haha Thank you all. I am humbled everyday for your support for this story. You continuously inspire me to tell this story with a greater grace and care. Thank you. I was fearful about posting that last chapter and all of the support eased my fears. Thank you thank you**

**Not as dramatic, heavy and exhausting at the previous chapter, but still slightly so. Please be aware that this chapter maybe slightly trigger-ish toward the end. It's a long journey. **

* * *

><p>Santana's eyes fluttered open. She felt a weight on her chest. She looked down and Rachel was curled into her side and resting her head in the crook of her neck. She reached over and instinctively ran her hand through Rachel's hair. The girl jumped away and effectively broke Santana's heart. it was all happening again.<p>

Rachel rolled onto her back and looked up at her sister. "Hi," she whispered.

"Hey there," she said kissing her softly on the temple. She searched the tired brown eyes. She licked her lips and paused. "You wouldn't lie to me would you?" she asked finally. She took care not to break her gaze from Rachel's dark eyes, but instead of revealing an answer, they bulged in fear and looked away.

"I told you," she whispered.

Santana wanted nothing more than to silence her instincts. She wanted nothing more for that not to be true. She watched Rachel closely and shook her own head slightly in the dawn light as the tiny girl attempted to hold in her tears. The Rachel in front of her wasn't the same as the one who she had talked to yesterday afternoon. She bit her lip. Maybe she could get an idea about what happened with creepy-curly Q-tip man if she knew what Rachel was remembering. She took a deep breath.

"What are you remembering Rachel..." She sifted through her words. "A-about the room."

"Santana," a new voice said the from door. Both girls looked up and Shelby was staring at them with gentle, but stern eyes. "Rachel, we need to get ready to leave." Santana watched her mother come into the room and handed Rachel some clothes. "I'm not sure what you wanted to wear."

Rachel looked at her clothes. "These aren't for bootcamp."

"You're not going to bootcamp this morning," Shelby said sitting at the end of Santana's bed. "Elyse was able to get you in for an appointment at seven-thirty."

Rachel looked at Santana and then back at her mother. "I don't want to go," she finally said. Her eyes began to pool again. "I'm not lying. I'm just …. I'm just having an extra bad... day. Couple days."

Shelby searched Rachel's eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. We're going."

"Come on, Rach," San began and reached to pick up Rachel off of the bed.

"No," Rachel said, snapping away. "I'm not," she said with ferocity. "I'm not going. I don't need too."

"Either you get yourself dressed or I'll do it for you," Shelby said.

"No," she said with a frown. "No," she said; this time it came out more softly. She crawled back onto her bed and scooted into the corner. She turned her back away from her mother and sister.

Shelby swallowed this felt all too familiar.

_Shelby opened her eyes. First Day of school. First day of school for the new year and most importantly: First day of school with her. She now had her children living in her house. This was going to be just fine. They had celebrated the new year and this year would be great. It would be okay. She walked down the hallway. Noah was still snoring in his new room. They had redecorated all the kids rooms in her apartment; she wanted them to start over. _

"_Noah," she said shaking him slightly. "Noah, it's time to get up." _

"_Mmmm," he groaned. "Isleepingsleepingisgoooddd," he grumbled into his pillow._

"_Alright," she said pulling off the comforter. "Get up and get dressed. Breakfast."_

"_Mommmm," the ten year old whined_

"_Noahhh," she echoed. She kissed him softly. "Please get up." _

"_Kay," he grumbled sitting up and trudging toward the bathroom. _

_One down two more to go, she thought to herself. She opened the door to the girls' room. They had been sleeping together lately it was a battle she wasn't ready to tackle quite yet. Baby steps, she reminded herself. She looked over at the bed that they shared, despite the fact that there was another bed in the room made just for Rachel that was always untouched. Her still physically fragile and emotionally reserved three year told told her a few days prior that she loved the new princess bed that her mother bought for her but that the stuffed animals preferred to sleep there and that Santana's big girl bed that stood across from it needed her. _

_Shelby sighed and made her way into the room and looked toward Santana's bed. _

_It was empty and made her heart skip a beat. _

"_No, I don't like it," Rachel said with a clear frown in her voice. Shelby turned and her daughters were standing outside the large closet. Rachel pulled at the overall strap and shook her head. _

"_You look nice, Rachel," Santana said standing up admiring her work. She noticed their mother standing behind them. "Look, Mom. We're up and dressed and ready." _

_Shelby looked at her eight year old with a smile trying her best to show that she was proud but not too much. Santana had been forced to care a lot for Rachel while they were living with that man and regardless of what Shelby told her, Santana was always still taking care of Rachel and here she had dressed, done her hair, and Shelby was sure Rachel had on a fresh diaper. On top of all that, Santana was dressed and ready herself. Shelby tried not to remember how her older daughter would sleep too much like her brother. Now she was waking up before everyone and playing the role of Mommy._

"_Thank you, Sanny," Shelby said. "You didn't have to do this. I could have -" _

"_I wanted to!" Santana said quickly, forcing a smile. _

_Rachel looked up at Shelby with a frown that revealed eight layers of distaste. "Mumma, I don't like this," she said pulling on the overall strap. "I no wanna be a farmer." _

"_Rach, overalls are cool," Santana said with a sigh._

_The tiny toddler frowned and shook her head pulling at the straps more in an attempt to release what looked like confusing, pinching contraptions to the three year old. "No farmer...Mumma, I don't like." _

"_That's alright, baby," Shelby said as Rachel reached her arms up to her mother in a request to be picked up. Shelby scooped her up willingly. "We just need you to wear these clothes long enough to bring your brother and sister to school and then if you still don't like it, we can change." _

_Shelby rested on the side of the bed with Rachel in her arms. The girl looked up at her in panic. "What?" She looked back at Santana. "I wanna go with Sanny." _

"_You can't, baby bug," Shelby said gently. "Sanny has to learn and I need my Rach to help me here." _

"_I wanna go with Sanny," Rachel repeated. _

"_It's okay, Rachel," Santana said. Shelby noticed that the girl also looked slightly deflated and she wondered if both girls thought that Rachel would be going to school with Santana. _

"_No," Rachel said shaking her head and reaching out for Santana. Shelby watched the eight year old take the toddler into her arms with such care that it was clear that it was a habit. She was sharing her role as the mother with her eight year old daughter. _

"_Rach, I gotta go to school and you get to stay here with Mom," Santana said gently. _

"_Don't leave," Rachel murmured. "Don't leave." _

"_Come here, bug," Shelby whispered some how managing to pry Rachel from Santana's arms. "Let's go downstairs and make breakfast."_

_Rachel reached back to Santana from Shelby's arms. "No," she cried. "I wanna stay with Sanny." _

"_I'm sorry, bug," she whispered as she straightened as she carried Rachel out of the room. "San, needs to have her own space too." _

_She hated the look that both girls were giving her. She felt as if she was prying them apart. however, she knew she couldn't keep encouraging the behavior Santana acquired simply out of necessity to survive. Shelby was told by CPS, the employees at the shelter the girls stayed at and the therapists that Santana's relationship with Rachel was beyond over-protective in the case of a sibling; it had transformed into something almost on maternal. And it clearly restrained Santana's own ability to play and interact with her peers. She had alienated everyone at the shelter from wanting to be her friend. Everyone was working with Santana on it and she had made noticeable strides since the children had been removed from Hiram. However, Shelby couldn't encourage this. Santana needed to know that it wasn't her job to take of Rachel. The eight year old didn't need to be the mother anymore she needed to have a normal childhood. They all did. _

Shelby returned to the present. "I'm sorry, bug," she whispered as she crawled behind Rachel. "We're not arguing about this." She pulled Rachel from the bed and stood her on the ground. "Go get changed please."

"Mom," Rachel began again.

"Rachel, enough," Shelby said. "You know why you need to go. I am still trying to wrap my thoughts around why you think it was okay for you to lie to _everyone_ about Kurt attending these lessons with you. I'm not arguing with you about going to see Elyse. You're going. I love you, bug, but this lying stops now." She cupped Rachel's face gently and brought her gaze up to hers and searched her daughter's eyes. "Do you understand?" She saw a minor flash in Rachel's eyes. "You're okay," she whispered gently. "We're going to make everything all right."

"I'm fine, Mom," Rachel murmured, sneaking a glance up at Shelby and then over at Santana. She opened her mouth to promise that she was, but saw her mother's eyes. They all know she wasn't; she couldn't even pretend. Mr. Schuester was right. She was a bad actress.

Santana watched from her bed as Rachel disappeared into the bathroom. She stood up next to her mother. "This is bull, Mom," she said with a shake of her head. "And you know it. He didn't just grab her. He … He couldn't have."

Shelby looked over at her daughter. "We're not going to assume one way or the other, Santana." She took a breath. "I'm going to sit you older three down later, but I will tell you now that you cannot push her. This needs to come out organically whatever it is. She honestly might be remembering. We don't know." She searched the girl's dark eyes. "She's going to be okay because we're going to help her through this. We're all going to be okay."

Santana took a step back from her mother. "We've never been okay, Mom," she said quickly as she rummaged through her things. "We were just trying to survive and now we're back to square one because we missed something!" she slammed her dresser drawer shut. "WE missed something and because of that she's broken. She's broken and we can't fix her!"

"Santana, stop," Shelby hissed and pulled Santana into her arms. "Just stop," she whispered. She knew that Santana wasn't talking about Rachel completely. She knew that. She knew she was mostly talking about herself. However, her instincts told her that the shadow of the tiny girl on the other side of the door wouldn't believe the same thing.

…..

Quinn watched with her hands on her hips as she watched the Range Rover back down the drive way. Noah had such a deep set frown that the blonde was sure the skin between his brows had been super glued.

"Start the laps, sloppy babies," Sue commanded. "You all look terrible! Move it!"

They started to jog and Quinn found herself jogging behind the power not-sure-what-we're-calling-ourselves couple and next to frowny-face.

"I'm sorry," Quinn said as they ran around the corner.

Frowny-face turned to her. "For what?" he asked.

"Leaving her with him," she said.

He shook his head. "I'm not mad at you. She lied to all of us." If she thought it wasn't possible, he proved her wrong by frowning even more. "I'm not mad at you."

"STOP TALKING!" Sue screamed through her megaphone surely waking the whole neighborhood.

Santana ran around the block. Her head was so full of doubt and there seemed to be no promise in sight. She could feel Brittany's eyes on her. The letter she had written as she sat on the floor next to Rachel's bed had been less directly written to Brittany and more of a verbal vomit of words. She couldn't sleep; so instead she wrote.

"Are you okay?" Brittany whispered after they lapped Sue.

"I'm fine," Santana said with a shake of her head.

"Really? Could have fooled me," she said.

"I'm just... something happened and I... I don't know," Santana said picking up speed. However, Brittany kept up.

"Talk to me," she said as she kept the pace.

Santana shook her head. "we've been best friends for a long time, Brit." The blond nodded. The brunette kept her attention forward with a stoic gaze. "And I haven't told you a lot about my family."

"I know that," Brittany said. "But I also have been your best friend for a long time." She looked at her softly. "and while you haven't told me a lot, I still have been around."

"I don't know if you're ready for all of my baggage," she said, still refusing to meet her gaze.

"Won't you let me be the judge of that?"

"Tweedle Barbie and Tits McGee, shut it!" Sue bellowed.

"I guess," Santana whispered and continued to run out her anxiety as the note burned in the pocket of her zip-up.

…...

Rachel finally was in the car. Her heart was racing. What was she going to tell Elyse? She leaned against her mother who decided to sit with her in the backseat. Lying was exhausting. They pulled into the office and she slowly climbed out of the car. Her big sister thought she was broken and what Rachel hated about that was that she knew that Santana was right. However, she knew though that she wouldn't allow her brokenness to break her family apart. She needed to do something right.

She walked a step or two behind her mother and aunt as she walked into the familiar building.

Suddenly, it was like everything was going in slow motion. Looking around casually and simply be chance, she spotted him.

Will Schuester was sitting outside the cafe attached to the building, concealing his torso with a newspaper. The paper was lowered enough so Rachel could see his face; he was watching her. He was grinning at her. She moved instinctively closer to her mother and aunt. He smiled and shook his head and she felt her breath get caught in her throat. She wasn't an idiot. She knew he was warning her, intimidating her; he was reminding her to be quiet. She shuddered in defeat as they walked through the door and she took one last glance at him. It was working.

"Rachel?" Shelby asked pausing inside the door. "Are you alright?"

She nodded. "I'm fine."

Shelby waited anxiously outside the office. Joey had driven them. Rachel had finally curled into Shelby's side. Her need for comfort and assurance scared her. Primarily because she knew that could mean that all sense of security had been taken away. She kept wondering if she was catching Rachel almost offer a confession or burst, as if the truth was aching to get out but the girl's look always disappeared back into her. Shelby squeezed her eyes shut; she hated that she was so sure that her daughter, her baby bug, was lying. It was just too instinctive. She was just too sure that it wasn't true.

She never felt so off as a parent. She missed the part where Rachel was lying; she missed when Noah gave up for wanting more for himself; she missed the silent pleas for help over the years from Quinn. Her thoughts surged at the thought of Santana. She missed the part where she thought that Santana had it together. She knew that her eldest daughter always struggled. She definitely knew that. However, she knew that the girl was tougher than nails, even though the armor was just to protect how fragile she still was. She knew all of that and in all honesty she'd always known her daughter's sexuality. However, that wasn't her biggest concern. It was everything in addition to her daughter's own internal struggle with accepting herself. If Shelby could control the world around her children, she would, but she knew its impossibility. She worried more for Santana and what more she'll face: the questions in her head and the doubt in her heart as well as the hatred of the ignorant.

Shelby felt like a failure all over again not only because she couldn't protect her four children from world, but she couldn't protect them from themselves.

"You're thinking so loudly I can't concentrate on this article," Joey said. "Brad and Angie might be preggers again. Clearly, newsworthy."

Shelby turned to yell at her, but the door opened and Rachel stepped out.

"Hey," she said smiling weakly at Rachel. She looked past the girl to Elyse, who looked at her with a heavy sigh.

"Thank you for talking with me so early, Rachel," Elyse said as Rachel stood with her head bowed slightly. Rachel didn't respond. "Shelby, can I speak with you?"

Shelby watched Rachel for a moment wondering how she could be so blind. She leaned down and kissed Rachel on the forehead and tried not to grimace when the girl flinched.

"Sorry," Rachel whispered.

"It's okay," she said swallowing her anxiety. "I'll be right back."

Shelby closed the door behind her and sat across from Elyse. "What can we do? What can I do? What do I do?"

The woman looked at her with sympathy. "Shelby, I have to call the hotline," Elyse said finally. Shelby knew which one she was talking to. They were all mandatory reporters because of their jobs; they were required by law to report any case of suspected child abuse or neglect.

"So you think she's lying." It wasn't a statement, but it wasn't a question.

"I think someone shut her up to be quite frank." The woman looked at her colleague. "She's not speaking to me. She spent most of the time crying about how her family doesn't believe that she's not lying. Her story is shaky and it's not her."

"How do you know?" Shelby asked putting her head in her hands.

"The same reason you do," Elyse said after a few moment's pause. "I don't know if he did anything to her, but I have reason to believe that her story isn't accurate."

Shelby caught the air of the woman's words. "You're going to call. That's what you're saying to me." She put her head in her hands.

"You should still go to Florida. I'm going to recommend it. However, we are both bound by law to call if we have ANY suspicion," Elyse said.

Shelby stood up and shook her head. "I know that. I know what it means to be a mandatory reporter!" She gave a heavy sigh. "But it's one thing about clients, it's another when it's my kid. I know how to file a critical incident. I know how to call the CPS hotline."

"I know that it's not going to threaten the custody of your kids, Shelby," Elyse said. "That's not what they're going to investigate and you an I both know they probably won't even look into it. She'll go to the bottom of the pile because there are more immediate and obvious reports of abuse or neglect." She searched Shelby's eyes. "You and I know how this works." She took a deep breath. "I just wanted you to know."

Shelby scoffed. "Well great." She sat down and looked at Elyse. "What do we do?"

"Go to Florida. Rachel needs to get away. Don't push her. None of you can. Just like with Quinn." She saw a flash in Shelby's eyes. "It's not the same. I know but the approach should be. She's not going to see him again but clearly things are going to come back to her and some have already have." She took a deep breath. "This is going to wait for you until you get back. Take a vacation. You all need it. I'm sorry, Shelby."

"I told you," Shelby said with a weak smile. "Don't be sorry for me."

"I'm not," she replied. "I'll be on call the whole time while you're gone. Don't hesitate to call."

Shelby nodded. "I know."

…...

Santana lay breathlessly on the ground. Her mind was racing and she was so unsure. One second she was thinking about her words that she put in her little note to Brittany; mid second she was thinking about Rachel and the whimpers in her sleep. She stuck her hand in her jacket pocket and rolled the piece of paper in her fingers. A car horn honked interrupting her thoughts. She tilted her head up and looked at the street. From the ground everything looked upside-down. It felt like a metaphor, and, her baby sister told her that metaphors were important. She saw Mrs. Pierce's car at the curb. She lay back down and tilted her head and looked at Brittany. She gave a weak smile. She received a weak smile in turn.

"Hi," she said finally pushing herself to a standing position. She held out her hands. "Here," she said. "I don't really even know what you wrote," she began to ramble. "But there's so much that I didn't say... And you need to know that...You need to know what's not in there." Brittany looked at her with a look that Santana could never read. For some reason, she went on; it sounded like her own voice, but she didn't feel as if she had any control. "I want you to know that I want to tell you things …. you know those things that aren't in there... and I want to to tell you... i want you to know that...I hope that means something."

"It does," Brittany assured. "San, I-"

"I'm going to miss you while I'm gone," Santana went on. "I know that I made fun of you and said that it was only four days... but...I'm going to miss you. I miss you like you miss me...I just... I'm not good at saying it."

"Santana," Brittany tried again.

"That's all I think... well, not really. I just wanted you to know that there's more that I want to say I just don't know how to say it."

Brittany leaned forward and pulled her into a hug. Santana wasn't sure what that hug meant.

"Good thing we have more letters," the blonde finally said.

"Good thing," Santana replied hugging her back.

Brittany pulled away slightly and looked at Santana. "So I'll see you in four days?" Santana nodded taking a step back slightly. "Will you write to me while you're gone and we can exchange letters?"

Santana hated that she was not as hopeful as Brittany was. She hadn't thought about writing in Florida, maybe she would. She frowned, but what if she had nothing to say, she thought to herself. She gave a slight nod. "I'll try my best."

The blonde looked at her for a second and looked back at her mother waiting on the curb in her Chevy Malibu. She took a breath and stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Santana. She felt the brunette hesitate but finally hug her back, tightly. She leaned her ear on Santana's shoulder.

"I miss you already," she whispered. She pulled away and ghosted the lightest kiss ever offered on Santana's cheek.

The brunette paused for a second not even sure if the kiss actually happened.

"I'll see ya," Brittany said quietly. She smiled and walked away from Santana. She threw Santana once last smile over her shoulder before she climbed into her mother's car. Santana watched her drive away, hating that she would have so much to lose.

"Santana?"

"What?" she asked with a sigh turning to find Noah and Quinn on the ground.

"We've been calling you for the last few minutes. You even missed Sue saying bye in her own cheerful way," Quinn said from the ground.

Santana sighed and silence fell over them. They stared at the sky.

"I'm sorry," Quinn said quietly.

"What?" Santana asked propping up on elbows.

"I shouldn't have left her," the blonde said quietly.

"Quinn," Santana said with a gentle sigh. "This isn't you."

"How would you know?" she snapped.

Noah looked up at Santana and watched his sister's face fall.

"Quinn, we get guilt. We do," Noah said.

"This isn't you," Santana said. She frowned. "This just... why is she lying to me?" She sat up. "She wouldn't do that. Rachel wouldn't lie to me...She talks to me. She always has."

She frowned and paused. Remembering when she did.

_Santana looked at toward the playroom. She could barely see her baby sister. There were so many police in the hallway. The woman sat down across from her. She worked at the shelter and she had been nice to her, but Santana was rarely kind to her. Nevertheless, she was always kind. Now in the hallway full of people she didn't know, Santana couldn't help but look at her and want to thank for for being nice, but she couldn't find the words and didn't seem like it was the time. _

_The eight year old looked over at the police. Her mother was inside but she couldn't see her. All she heard were the grown ups' mumbles. That wasn't what she was listening for though. There was a lady in there talking to Rachel. Rachel just turned three. What was she going to say? _

"_Santana?" _

_She looked up and her mother was standing there. Shelby walked over to Santana and knelt down in front of her. _

"_Rachel's asking for you," Shelby said holding out her hands. _

_Santana stood up immediately. "I'll go," she said quickly. _

"_Santana," Shelby said quickly. "We're trying to ask Rachel what happened. You can't talk for her. She needs to talk on her own." _

_She laughed. "Mom, she's a baby." _

"_She's not, Santana," the lady that was talking to Rachel said from the door. "But she would like to talk to you." _

"_I'll talk to her," Santana said. She started for door. She paused and turned to the lady and her mother. "If she talks to her will you leave her alone. She's little and she has nap time soon. It takes them awhile to get her to sleep...Do you think they'll let me help her sleep since you guys clearly messed up her schedule?" The detective gave a soft smile and looked at woman that worked at the shelter. _

"_Can that be arranged?" _

_The woman nodded. _

_The lady detective turned back to her. "We need Rachel to tell us what she can remember." _

"_Ask me," Santana said puffing out her chest. _

"_But we need Rachel to tell us because you've already told us," the woman explained. "It's important to get everyone's story." She sighed and held out her hand. "My name is Ellen." Santana looked at the hand and shook it with trepidation. She sat down in a chair nearest Santana and went on. "She won't talk to me. She just keeps playing with her bracelet and asking for 'Sanny.'" _

_Santana smiled. "I gave her my bracelet. I made it before..." she looked at the ground. "I told her that the beads were made of magic." She gave a sheepish smile. "I know it's dumb but...it made her feel better..."She gave another shrug, trying to avoid her mother's eyes. "She hasn't let go of it since …." _

_Ellen smiled. "I know," she said quietly. "What I'm saying Santana is that she's not holding on to the bracelet because the beads are magic. She thinks you're magic." _

"_I'm not," Santana said quietly. _

"_You are," Ellen said. "To her you are." _

_Santana looked at her carefully. "This is dumb," she said. "You said you wanted me to talk to her. Why are you telling me that I'm magic when we all know that's a lie." _

"_San," Shelby said quietly. Santana looked at her mother with a frown. She hadn't been sure about her mother. She was so freaked out that her mother would leave. She didn't understand why they were still in the shelter and she hated herself for being okay with the fact that they were. Because they were still in the shelter and her mother kept coming back, meant that she wasn't leaving. "Rachel needs you. I love you so much. We're telling you Rachel thinks you're magic because you're the only one she trusts right now." She saw her mother's eyes water. She had only seen her mother cry one time before this: when she saw her first and this moment. _

_Perhaps if she wasn't eight she would feel the weight of the situation and would understand why her mother was crying and why all the adults were staring at her. However, she didn't because she was eight. _

"_Of course she does," Santana said shaking her head feeling herself frown. "You guys are scaring the shit out of her!"_

"_Santana," the woman from the shelter and her mother said at once. The girl looked at her mother and the woman from the shelter with a scowl as they both looked at each other in surprise and exchange another look that Santana didn't understand. _

"_No! You're scaring her," she said simply. "You gotta leave her alone. So when I get her to talk to you, you'll leave her alone." _

"_Santana, I can't promise that people will stop talking to her," Ellen said._

_Santana searched the woman's eyes. "Promise me that you will talk to me first or even my brother. Talk to her last." _

_All the adults were looking at her funny. She wasn't sure why they were looking upset. She was the one that was angry. _

"_I promise to do my best," Ellen said after a few moments. _

"_Fine," Santana said starting or the door. She stopped and turned and looked at the grown ups. "Nap time is soon. So go quick when I get her to talk." _

_Santana walked into the playroom. Normally there were tons of babies running around but Rachel was the only one in there, even though she couldn't see her. There was a plastic playhouse in the corner. She knew exactly where Rachel was. _

"_Rachel," Santana said. _

"_Sanny?" a little voice said from inside the playhouse. _

"_Can you come out of the playhouse?" _

"_No," she said quietly._

"_Rachel, you need to come talk to the lady." _

"_Dont wanna," Rachel said quietly. _

"_Rach, I'm right out here," Santana said sitting outside the door. "Come out here please." _

_The plastic shutter opened slightly. Rachel's soft brown eyes looked back at her. _

"_Hi," Santana smiled. "You gotta stop running into this thing, Rach. They're going to put it away if you keep hiding in here during playtime." _

"_I'm not," Rachel whined. _

"_Come out here and talk to me, bug." _

_Rachel bit her lip and slowly emerged from the house and paused. Santana followed her gaze. Ellen, the lady from the shelter and her mother were staring from the door. Santana rolled her eyes at them and turned and pulled Rachel into her lap. She watched as her mother and the lady from the shelter put their hands up in protest. So what if she still had her cast from her broken arm. She was still strong enough to hold her baby sister. Someone explain to her that it wasn't the cast but that Rachel was still fragile. Santana didn't understand why that mattered. She knew how to be gentle with Rachel. _

"_She's fine!" Santana said with a sigh. "The nurse said I can pick her up and hold her." She looked at Ellen. "They think I'm going to drop her." Rachel looked up at Santana from the older girl's lap and leaned into her. _

"_Look," she said to Santana showing her the beads with pride. "I have them." _

"_I know," she said rolling her eyes. "I've seen them." _

"_Rachel, you need to talk them and then nap time," Santana said. _

"_No nap," she said shaking her head. _

"_Yes," Santana said. "If you talk to the lady Rachel, I can help you at nap time." _

"_Sanny, look," she said holding up the beads and a bright smile despite her still bruised face._

"_Rachel, I see the beads," Santana said again withe a heavy sigh. She always thought Rachel was weird because she talked obsessively about one thing over and over, but now living with a whole bunch of other babies in the shelter, she knew that that was the norm for all kids her age. It was exhausting. She looked at Rachel. "You need to talk to the lady. Will you do that?" _

_Rachel looked at the women and then back up at Santana. _

"_Santana can stay, Rachel," Ellen assured. _

_Rachel looked up at Santana and leaned in more. She smiled at the beads._

"_Sanny, the beads are magic?" The three year old said it in an up-tone. It wasn't really a question but it was. _

_Santana sighed. "I know, Rachel," she said tiredly. "Will you talk to the lady?" She shook her tiny head. "Why?" _

_Rachel shrugged and looked at the beads on the bracelet. _

"_Rachel, can you tell me what happened with Papa Hiram?" Ellen attempted. _

_Rachel's dark eyes began to pool with tears and she shook her head. _

"_No," she said burying her head into Santana. _

"_Are you scared?" Santana whispered. The tiny girl in her arms sobbed and continued to look at the beads. "Know what's so great about those beads?" Rachel sniffled and looked up at Santana patiently. "They make you brave." Rachel looked at the beads. _

"_Really?" _

_Santana nodded. "He's not going to hurt you anymore." She bit her lip. "See, Mom's here." Santana knew that night after night Rachel wished on those beads for their mother to come back. "Magic works." _

_Rachel looked up at Santana and then over at her mother. "Kay." The tiny girl held up the beads to Ellen. "Magic," she said quietly. "Here. hold them?" _

_Ellen sat down the the girls. "You can keep them, Rachel, but thank you." She sighed. "Can I ask you a few questions?" _

_Santana felt Rachel look up at her for the millionth time. "It's okay," she assured. "You can do it. I'm right here." _

Santana didn't have any magic beads to bribe Rachel with anymore. Rachel realized they weren't magic when she tried to make herself disappear while standing in the middle of the street. Shelby had to explain that while the beads once had magic they didn't anymore and cars' magic was too strong for bead magic. However, she knew that they were still in Rachel's jewelry box in her room.

She frowned. Rachel wouldn't lie to her unless it was a good reason. She couldn't even lie when she took Santana's Power Puff girl and played who-can-sing-the-loudest-while-being-flown-over-the-banister. Needless to say the doll did not make it. However, Rachel always told the truth unless it hurt the family.

"She's lying," Quinn said interrupting her thoughts.

"No, she's not," Noah said. "She couldn't do that. She couldn't hide kittens in her closet."

Santana looked at Quinn, with a frown. "Unless she thought she needed to," she said to herself. She may not have magic beads to confuse Rachel with but she was Santana Corcoran and she had a way with words.

"We're going to talk to him," Santana said. "We're going to McKinley." She stood up. "Let's go."

…...

Bear hung up the phone. Gus would meet him at his house and …. He lost his thought. Sue told him goodbye when he picked up the phone to call Gus. Three teenagers and the house was silent.

"Guys?" he called out.

Suddenly he heard the garage door opened and the car started up.

"Crap!"

He ran out to the front and out the front door hoping to catch them in the drive way.

"Santana!" he yelled seeing her in the driver's seat. She would be in the driver's seat and backing down the driveway. "SANTANA LOUISE CORCORAN! PUT THAT CAR IN PARK NOW!"

He watched as the girl looked over her shoulder as if she was going to continue backing out but then stopped because Shelby's car started to pull up behind her. He couldn't hear her but she saw her groan in frustration and bang her head into steering wheel in frustration. He looked over his shoulder and watched Joey lead Rachel into the house. He felt a surge in his stomach. There was something different in Rachel's eyes. She wouldn't look at him. He didn't see his niece; he saw another victim at the station.

Shelby walked over to car with her hands on her hips. "All three of you, out, NOW"she ordered.

Minutes later the three of them were in family room. The kids sat down and she paced.

"What are you doing?" she asked. "You were going to talk to him weren't you?"

Noah and Quinn's eyes wandered over to Santana.

"Mom, you know she's lying," Santana argued not denying it.

"Santana, that is not the point and that does not mean that you go over there and confront him!" She shook her head and sat across from them. "It's not your job, Santana. Any of you."

"It is my job, Mom," Noah said. "There's something wrong and you expect us not to do anything?"

"Yeah, we do," Bear said from the door. "I know you guys think you can get something out of him, but it just sounds like trouble."

"So why aren't you doing anything?" Quinn asked looking at Bear. "I mean isn't that your job?"

"Quinn," Shelby said in surprise.

"No, she's right," Santana said. "We all know there's something going on. We can see it."

"Rachel needs us right now," Shelby said. "But she doesn't need us pushing her. You cannot push her. We're leaving in a few hours. We're driving to the airport and we're going to fly out."

"We're still going after all of this?"

"We all need to get away," Shelby said.

"We're running away," Santana said. "We need her to talk to us."

"We're not running away," she assured her daughter.

Santana put her head in her hands. "We need to fix this" She looked up at her uncle. "You can't possibly think that he's going to just sit here and wait. He's going to run." She sighed not waiting for an answer. "I know we don't know what happened, but we cannot deny that something did and we need to-"

"Give Rachel her space," Shelby said again.

"She's scared. He scared her," Quinn said with a slight shake of her head. "You think space is going to make her less scared?"

"This is not an option," Shelby said. "We have been predicting this would happen for awhile, that things would come back to her." She watched and Noah and Santana's gazes went down. She looked at Quinn, realizing she didn't know what happened. "While living with Hiram, the kids' stepfather, he took Rachel into a room, telling the other two he was changing her diaper and -"

"I don't need to know about that," Quinn said quickly, putting her hands up to stop Shelby from speaking. "You don't need to tell me I mean."

Shelby searched Quinn's eyes and felt badly about not realizing that this is a topic that no one, certainly her children, would want to talk about. "I'm not saying that I don't understand what you're saying, I'm scared too, but there is nothing we can do until Rachel is ready. I know the three of you don't like being pushed. Until Rachel comes out with it on her own, if she does, there is nothing that you can do about it. She is not going to see him again alone. You can not do anything to him just because he scared her - I appreciate your protectiveness but leave it to the adults right now." She gave a slight warning look to her brother-in-law, telling him in silence that same went for him. She looked back at the kids. "Also, you cannot badger her. I know you want to know what happened, but something as little as a touch or a feeling can cause Rachel to remember. You can support her by not questioning her or prompting her to tell you." She looked particularly at Santana. "Rachel will come to us when she's ready."

"No, she won't," Noah interrupted. "She always comes to us after someone pushes her."

Santana shook her head. "I don't know what you want us to do, Mom? I can't just sit here. And we're flying out tonight and you don't want me to ask her."

"She feels safe with you, San. With all of you, just spend some time with her and not push her. It's not that hard. She needs you guys to not act like the rest of the adults are acting." Shelby's tone was careful. "Now like I said we're leaving here in a few hours. Why don't you guys go upstairs and get packed. Quinn, I set your clothes from your mother on your bed."

The blonde nodded and looked at her hands. "Kay," she said quietly. Suddenly, she remembered everything her mother had said to her. She looked up and caught Santana looking at her. She knew she was thinking about their conversation from the night before.

"I know this may go without saying, Shelby said. "However, it only 'may' so just in case I wanted to tell you three that if Rachel says anything to you about what she remembers or what happened, you tell me immediately. You cannot promise her that you won't tell me."

Santana searched her mother's eyes and spotted something. "What aren't you telling us?"

"We're figuring things out, Santana and -"

"What happened at Elyse's?" Quinn asked.

Shelby felt suddenly like she was under fire. "She didn't say anything different."

"But," Santana said.

Shelby straightened and put on her work-face. "But we are concerned and we're being cautious."

"Cautious how?" Noah pushed.

"We're being cautious," Shelby said standing up. "That's all you need to know."

She didn't want to worry her children. She couldn't. She didn't want to tell them that CPS might step in and do an investigation. She especially didn't want to have to explain that due the the absence of any accusations from Rachel or proof that Rachel's case would probably be put ranked with a low priority. It would upset them that there were ranks; it would upset them to know that Shelby alongside Elyse, as a mandatory reporter had made reports that were never investigated. Those reports were filed. There were too many reports coming in and sifting through which accusations were the priority was not always a fool proof system. It was anything but. She didn't want to get into that. She knew that Sue had reported to the hotline when she suspected Quinn was being abused and the person they sent over to investigate dropped the ball. Shelby didn't want to admit how many times she had seen that happen.

"Mom," Santana started.

"Go pack, guys," Shelby said dismissively.

…..

Gus and Bear pulled onto the street.

"Thanks for coming with me on this," Bear said.

"What exactly are we doing here anyway?" Gus asked as he looked around the quiet street.

"My niece had a lesson with the guy and she came home different ….." he trailed off. "I think something happened." He saw his friend frown and look at him. "She's acting how she did awhile back when we got her back."

Gus paused. He knew some about his friend's niece, but it was something that no one talked about so he didn't push it. Gus searched his friend "You mean hurt her?"

"She came back acting like a traumatized victim," Bear said, staring straight ahead. He pointed at the house. "Here it is."

He frowned immediately. Will was in his driveway washing his piece of crap car. Bear felt his blood boil at the sight of the man. He instincts were never wrong and they couldn't help but explode.

"You want to question him?" Gus said watching the man as they continued to it in the car.

Bear nodded. "I need you to help me warn him. I'm just going to talk to him but I have a feeling that I haven't been able to control about this guy. Something's off and Rachel's behavior is pushing me to believe that more and more. I have no proof, but I need you to come with me because I don't trust myself alone with him. He needs to stay away and he needs to know that I'm watching him. But that's it. I'm afraid that I'll want to do something."

"You know this is a bad idea," Gus said. He looked at his old friend. "But I also know that I can't convince you out of it."

Bear nodded. "Yeah," he said. He climbed out of the car and watched Will stand up.

"How can I help you, officers?" he asked with a smile wiping the soap off his hands.

"We need to talk to you," Bear said.

"Sure," Will shrugged with a smile. "Is this about what happened during the lesson yesterday?"

Bear felt his fists tightened. He frowned at the man.

"Why don't you you tell us what happened?" Gus said stepping in.

Will shook his head with a sympathetic smile. "We were dancing and she slipped and she fell. When I caught her, she became jittery. Knocked over coffee even."

Bear glared at the teacher. He wasn't telling them he was taunting them. He shook his head remembering their last conversation. He pointed his finger at him accusingly. "We asked you! We asked you if Kurt was coming. You lied to my face. You lied to her mother!"

Will kept on his smirk. He laughed heartily. "I understand why you're upset, but i think it's less at me and more at Rachel's unfortunate reaction. -"

"Shut up!" Bear screamed. "You're not fooling anyone with the story." He took another step closer to the man

"Does Rachel say something different?" Will asked gently.

Bear caught a glimmer in his eyes and took a step closer to him. "I'm going to-"

"What are you going to do?" Will smiled and shrugged. "I may have lied about that boy coming but I did it because she begged me. I was being sympathetic to a needy child and I'm pretty sure lying isn't a crime..."

"If I find out you did something-" Bear said stepping forward but Gus stepped in front of him.

"Now I know threatening is kinda on the iffy side in terms of crime," Will said with a casual shrug. "No one could have predicted how Rachel reacted and for that I'm sorry. I should have known though with her history and all."

Bear couldn't hold it in anymore. He launched at the man, but was pulled back again.

"Enough," Gus said yanking him back. "We're done here. We're watching you, Schuester."

"I look forward to it," Will said.

Gus pulled Bear by the arm back to the car. Bear shrugged it off but continued for the car.

"Oh and tell Rachel hi for me," Will called after them.

Bear stopped mid-step. He took a deep breath.

"Get in the car," Gus pushed. Bear didn't move. "Get in the car, Bear!"

Bear turned and looked at the smiling teacher. He took a step forward but was stopped when Gus placed a hand on his chest.

"He's not worth it," he hissed into Bear's ear. "Get in the car."

Bear took a step back. "Stay away from my family," he said pointing at him. "Watch yourself."

"I don't take kindly to threats," Will said with a chuckle.

"You're not seeing Rachel again. You are no longer her teacher. I'm going to make sure you don't have any of the other kids in class either. None."

"Bear, that's enough," Gus said. "Get in the damn car."

"I'm so happy that you lead our police force," Will called again.

"Hey, knock it off and shut your mouth," Gus yelled. "Bear, in the car!"

Bear climbed into the passenger side. Gus drove away fast down the road and pulled over a few blocks away. Gus looked at him; he didn't need to ask him if he was upset. That was clear.

"Remember when we were called down to Columbus, Baker?" he asked finally. Gus looked at him. How could he have forgotten. "That case..." He trailed off and shook his head. "After we got back from that case- Remember we were in Columbus for over a month?" Gus nodded. "My boys were older then. You know the age when they wouldn't let me hold them. Noah and Santana too... But Rachel..." He shook his head. "That case was about a boy her age and it freaked me out."

"It freaked the whole state out.. Country even," Gus said.

"I didn't let her out of my sight. I was always offering to pick her up and check everyone out." He shook his head. "Shelby had to tell me to stop hugging her so much and asking the other kids where she was. She said I was freaking her out." He looked at Gus. "I don't want the squad from Columbus to run this case."

"Bear, it's not a case," Gus said.

"If something happened," he said steeling his gaze, "It will be." He became quiet again. "My family can't handle that, Gus."

"Go to Florida," he said. "I'll look around here."

Bear nodded. "What do you think?"

"I think he's a creep," Gus said. "But we can't do anything just thinking he's a creep."

Bear nodded.

…...

Rachel looked at her closet. She hated flying. She hated going to Florida and coming back from Florida, but being there wasn't that much of a problem. She enjoyed her time there, but now she didn't feel like she was enjoying anything. She looked back back over her shoulder. There wasn't anything in her suitcase except Noah's jersey and Santana's sweatshirt.

"Rach?"

She looked up at the door and her mother was staring at her. Shelby looked over at bag.

"Bug, we can save on money if you and I share a bag," she said sitting down on the bed and peaked into the bag. "You need to pack more than this, sweetheart."

Rachel shrugged and stood in front of her mother and leaned onto her shoulder, slowly hugging her mother, resting her head on her shoulder. Shelby wasn't surprised but wrapped her arms around her daughter enjoying the embrace.

"I don't wanna go," she whispered.

This didn't surprise Shelby. Rachel was usually like this before they left for Florida. "We'll have fun, Rach. We normally do."

"I don't wanna go," she said again. "Can't I stay here?"

"With who, honey?" Shelby asked quietly.

Rachel shrugged still hugging her mother. "Please, can't we stay. Please?"

"I know you don't want to fly, Rach," Shelby said.

"I don't want to take the pills... I don't want to not feel..." Rachel pulled up and looked at her.

"You don't have to take the pills if you don't want to, Rach," Shelby said searching her daughter's eyes.

Rachel looked down at her hands. "I don't know how to do that..." she said quietly.

"We'll help you, Shelby said cupping her cheek and kissing her lightly. "Let's get you packed okay?"

"Mom, I don't want to go," Rachel said again.

"You're going, Rach," she said opening the closet. "Now, let's take look for what to wear."

…...

They arrived at the airport with plenty of time on their hands. Shelby had made sure of it. She had learned long ago that traveling with her children, especially her children, required a lot of time. After about two hours of driving and only three and a half bicker fights about stop signs, music on the radio, and Noah's snores.

They piled out of the car. Bear and Joey were taking a later flight and were getting in the next morning. It was only the five of them. The only highlight about having all the kids grounded, meant that their carryons were practically nonexistent. There were no computers or phones to worry about. When discussing carryons the only things that the kids wanted was a book or two, but that was only after failed negotiations for all other desired items.. Shelby reconsidered as she looked at the kids' solemn faces at the house as they crossed the street in the present. They wanted at least an iPod, but the negotiations of grounding didn't allow any iPods. Therefore, Shelby only carried a couple books, a package of ear plugs for Noah, Rachel's medicine, and sunglasses for the older girls. Santana explained, "We don't want people to know we're sleeping." She didn't understand but she catered to it. It was the lightest her Longchamp had ever been.

"Stay together please," Shelby said as they walked from the parking garage and into the busy airport. She looked over her shoulder. Santana was sporting a hoodie as if it was the crack of dawn and holding Rachel's hand. Quinn had her arms folded across her chest. Noah was teetering in the back frowning at people as they looked in anyway at the family as he hauled the couple suitcases. His and Santana's; Santana always managed to bribe him to carry it. Shelby pulled the large suitcase as Quinn carried her duffle on her shoulder.

Rachel looked around. Santana's hand seemed fit perfectly in hers and wouldn't let go. Columbus was much bigger than Lima and the airport presented a greater chaos than the small town. She leaned into Santana's side as she looked around. Noah and Shelby were checking in at the counter and getting their bags checked and weighed . She, Santana and Quinn stood next to them like idle posts. There were lots of people in line. She looked at all of them wondering who would sit in their row or in front of her, wondering what their stories were and fearful if they could guess hers.

"Excuse me," a man said walking past the girls with his rolling carry-on. He was in a hurry and pushy. They cleared a path.

Rachel moved back and looked up at Santana, who gave her a weak smile.

"No, we all need to be in the same row," Shelby said to the woman behind the desk. I clarified that."

"I understand, Ma'am, but-"

"No, buts," Shelby said. "Make it happen please."

"Mom," Noah began. "I really don't mind-"

"She'll make it happen," Shelby said dismissively. She looked over at the girls. "You alright? Quinn?"

Quinn gave a nod. Rachel reached her free hand out and took it. "I don't like to fly either," she said quietly to the older girl.

The blonde chuckled. "I don't mind the flying part. It's getting on the plane that I hate."

Rachel looked up at her and realized that she didn't know what she was thinking.

"Are you mad at me?" Rachel asked quietly.

Quinn looked at her for a moment. "Not really," she replied.

Rachel looked up at her. "Yeah?"

Quinn looked at her again and paused as if she was about to say something else. Rachel watched her as she exchanged a look with Shelby, Noah, and Santana.

"Yeah," she said quietly.

"Alright, we have our boarding passes. Security and then food," Shelby said walking them toward the long, winding line. Santana's hand still hadn't let go.

People were chatting to the front of her and side of her. Everyone was taller than her and it was hard to see. She caught of someone waiting near the doors. There were hundreds of people, but the person standing near the doors to the street made her pause. It was a man. His sweater vest and his leather sachel over his shoulder made him look normal. He was speaking to someone with his back to her, but even a few hundred feet from him, she knew who he was. She felt her heart beat faster. The line moved and Santana pulled her gently with her. She turned and looked over at door, searching for him. She froze. He was looking at her.

Will Schuester smiled at her and waved.

She heard his voice in her ear. She felt his hands on her body as he told her what would happen if she told. She felt no sense of control. He had told her that he was his now. He was everywhere, simply to remind her of that.

"Rachel," Santana said quietly.

She jumped and looked at old brunette. "What?"

"You okay?"

She nodded ansiously. "Yeah."

She looked back over her shoulder as the line began to move again. He was gone. Maybe she was imagining it. He wouldn't have driven all the way to Columbus. Right?

"Come on, Rach," Shelby guided. "Alright, shoes and things in here," said the mother pointing to the bins. "Santana, you're going to have to take that sweatshirt off. Noah, don't forget that belt and to empty your pockets. Quinn, make sure to take off your rings too." Shelby turned to her youngest. "Alright, Rach, ready?"

Rachel looked back over her shoulder and through the crowd at the door. He wasn't there anymore; he was gone.

"Come on, sweetheart," a man said waving Rachel through the metal detector. Santana, Noah and Quinn were at the metal detector next to them and Shelby and Rachel were at the other. She looked over at Santana, who gave her a reassuring nod.

Rachel walked through the detector and felt a sense of relief when nothing went off. She was fine. She could put on her shoes and her jacket and -

"Step aside please. Follow this woman," the man said pointing to a tall bulky woman. Rachel looked back at her family, but she couldn't see them.

"You're not in trouble," the woman said with a calm smile, but wasn't able to ease Rachel's quickened heartbeat. "You were just randomly selected." The woman touched her back and she flinched but followed the woman behind portable wall. "I'm going to pat your legs and then your middle then arms okay?"

Rachel didn't respond. She bowed her head and couldn't control the tears that slipped from her eyes as she felt the woman pat her leg. She started at her ankle and made her way up her leg. As she approached the top, Rachel released a sob.

"You're going to do what?" Santana voice echoed from the otherside. Rachel looked up tearfully. She could see on the other side of the barrier another pair of boots like the woman who was patting her was wearing and then she recognized Quinn's gray socks on the other person's feet.

"Quinn, you're going to be okay," Santana said from the other side.

"Miss, I need you to step back," Rachel heard.

"Random my ass," Santana began.

"Santana!" Shelby scolded. There was a paused and mutterings. "I'm sorry," Rachel heard her mother say in her HBIC voice. "You pulled my eleven year old daughter and my sixteen year old daughter both for pat downs. RANDOMLY? This is ridiculous."

"Ma'am, we need you to calm down. You're welcome to stand between the partitions. You'll be able to see both of the girls, but you cannot interrupt. They're almost finished.-"

"You don't know anything about these girls and what they've been through," Shelby growled lowly, but Rachel could still hear her.

Rachel jumped as the woman patted her abdomen and sides. "Lift your arms please." Rachel did and felt the tears begin again.

Shelby walked into the enclosed area to where she could see both of the girls. It broke her heart. Both girls stood, separated from each other, their arms out, legs slightly parted and heads bowed to hide their tears. For rich ironic icing on the cake, Shelby noticed that the woman patting down Quinn looked vaguely like Judy. Crap, Shelby thought. This is not what they needed.

"Alright finished, Quinn," the woman said on Quinn's side. "Are you alright?" the woman asked.

Quinn frowned and frantically wiped her tears. "I'm fine," she said storming out.

"Wait for me on the other side please," Shelby called catching Santana's eyes before Santana ran after Quinn. She turned to her youngest. "Rachel?" The woman had left but Rachel's chest was still heaving and her tears were still rolling down her cheeks.

"I wanna go home," Rachel whispered.

"I know, bug," Shelby said. "I'm sorry." She held out her hand to Rachel. "Come on," she said quietly.

"Mom?" she asked with her head still bowed. "I think...I think i might want to sleep during the flight..."

"You sure?" Shelby asked, knowing that the sedative would knock her out which was better than the alternative. Rachel didn't fly well. There was too much noise and chaos to get lost amongst. It caused her to panic. "Let's get settled at the gate first."

"Excuse me, miss," an officer said. "This dropped from your pocket."

Rachel looked up at the young officer. She didn't have anything in her pockets. She was about to protest but was interrupted. The officer clarified. "A man in the line said he saw this drop from your pocket. Would you like me to throw it away?"

She shook her head and took the note from the officer. She saw her mother's look. "It's silly."

"Can I read it?" Shelby asked. Rachel shook her head, frantically. "Let's get to the gate."

Rachel lingered behind her mother and opened the note. Shelby was speaking to Quinn, or trying to, as Santana stood in arms length of both Rachel and Quinn. Rachel turned her back to her family and opened the note.

"**Miss you-I will be watching. Be a good girl. :)" **

Rachel looked back through security. She couldn't see him at the windows. She balled up the note in her palm not noticing her brother's eyes. She was shaking. She saw him; she hadn't been imagining it. Her heart beat out of her chest. Was this what it would be like from now on? She felt herself losing control.

"Rach?" Noah started.

"I need to go to the bathroom," she said hurriedly, not noticing that Quinn had just sprinted in followed up by Santana or that Shelby was going after her now.

Rachel ran quickly into the rest room. She saw a flash of Santana in an open stall next to Quinn. She heard someone throwing up as she raced into an empty stall. She slammed the door shut and locked the door. She squeezed her eyes shut and threw the note in the toilet and flushed it. She leaned against the stall door and continued to squeeze her eyes shut hoping for it all to go away.

"What happened?" she heard Santana ask and her mother's quickened footsteps.

"Santana, let me stand up," Quinn grumbled. Rachel heard the water running. "What's wrong with Rachel?"

"Rachel?" Shelby knocked on the stall.

"Mom?" she whispered.

Shelby looked over her shoulder when heard Rachel snuffling. "San and Quinn, why don't you wait out there, okay?"

"Mom?"

"San," Shelby said again.

"Come on, Quinn," Santana said and headed out of the room.

Shelby exchanged a look with Quinn, who only looked away. She caught Quinn's arm before the girls headed out of the room. She searched her eyes. Quinn gave her a reassuring nod but pulled back her arm.

"I'm fine," she said. Shelby narrowed her eyes slightly watched the two older girls disappear. She took a deep breath and adjusted her bag on her shoulder.

"Rach?" she asked. "It's just me and you. please open the door."

She watched the door open slowly. Her little girl looked up at her tear stained cheeks. She watched as Rachel released a shaky breath and looked back down at her feet.

"I-I...I...I had an accident," she stammered.

Shelby looked at her daughter. Her jeans were wet in the crotch. She hated to admit to her but she expected this. She had a change of clothes for Rachel in her bag. Ever since Rachel said that she didn't want her pills, she knew that Rachel might be jumpy. For the same reason they didn't go to crowded places like the movies or fairs often was the same reason why they didn't fly often. It was too much for Rachel.

"I brought some yoga pants and a change of underwear," she said quietly coming into the stall.

"Y-y-you knew this would happened?" Rachel sobbed.

"I was just being prepared," Shelby said gently. "Let's get you changed."

"It was the …. lady...I didn't like being checked by the lady," Rachel stuttered as her mother helped her out of her clothes.

"What did the note say?"

Rachel searched her mother's eyes. _Be a good girl_, she heard echoing in her mind. The lie tumbled out of her mouth. "It was phone number. It wasn't mine. I flushed it down the toilet."

Rachel watched her mother's eyes wondering if she believed her. Shelby watched her daughter from the corner of her eye. "Okay," Shelby said as she kissed her gently. "Okay."

Shelby put the clothes in a plastic grocery bag and tied it up. Rachel put her hand on her mother's arms. "Mom?" Shelby looked at her daughter. "I don't want to keep those," she whispered.

"Rachel, you used to wear these jeans all the time. It's just an accident. We can wash them at Nana's and Pop-Pop's." She searched Rachel's eyes.

Rachel shook her head frantically. "No, I don't like them anymore."

Shelby watched Rachel carefully and sighed. "Let's wash up and go find the gate, okay?"

She nodded and followed her mother.

Santana and Quinn stopped around the corner at the sinks.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Santana asked finally as Quinn washed her hands meticulously.

"What do you think?" The blonde said with a frown.

"Sorry," the brunette mumbled.

"Is Rach okay?" Quinn asked reaching for a few paper towels finally.

Santana looked around the corner. "She will be," she said finally.

The two turned when they saw Rachel and Shelby round the corner to wash their hands. Santana tried to be subtle, but noticed that Rachel had changed. She felt her blood boil. Random selection, my ass, she thought as she unconsciously washed her hands again. Rachel finished washing and drying her hands and leaned into Santana's side.

"Let's go."

Noah watched as the woman exited the restroom. He stood up straighter. "Hey," he said as casually as he could.

The five of them walked quietly to gate. Rachel was leaning into Santana's side. She looked up quietly at Noah, who was looking down at her, but trying not to be noticed. Rachel felt badly because he felt guilty because of something she caused. She looked down at his still bruised hands. She wondered if he would break the bones in his hands if he ever found out about Will. He couldn't play football if he didn't have hands. She slipped her hand into his as gently as she could. He looked down at her with a soft smirk.

"Alright, here we are," Shelby said managing to find an area where there were five seats clustered near each other at the gate. "I'm going to get us something to drink." The four kids settled into the seats with heavy gazes. "Santana, Quinn, come with me please."

"Mom," Santana side with a furrowed brow and a scowl painted with indignation.

Shelby ignored her. "Rach, you want to go with us or stay with your brother."

"Stay," Rachel said leaning into her brother's side in the uncomfortable seats.

Quinn followed Shelby down the wide hallways of the high ceiling, sky-light lit airport. Like she told Rachel, she didn't dislike flying. Being above the world made her feel like her problems were on earth and not in the sky. Looking down on the houses below, reminded her that something might be going on in them, something similar to what went on in hers, and it made her feel more from them and less for herself. However, while still here on earth, her problems remained present.

"Are you alright?" she heard Shelby ask once they stopped at a drink and snack kiosk. Santana was browsing candy and chips. She looked over at the woman who had the patience of the saint and a body of a graceful athlete. She didn't look like a woman who had been to hell and back and back to hell again. "Really," Shelby said again. "how are you really?"

Quinn shook her head on instinct. "I'm fine." She saw Shelby's eyes watching her closely, wavering slightly in concentration. "I just... that was unexpected."

"After we get these drinks, let's talk about it," Shelby said still watching her.

"What is there to say?" Quinn whispered, watching Santana weighed her options between a snickers bar and Swedish Fish. "I felt uncomfortable. I got upset." Quinn shrugged tearfully. "What else is there?"

"Santana, no candy," Shelby said. She looked at Quinn. "There is more if you want to say more."

"I don't know," Quinn whispered.

"Well, you and I can walk through the airport after this. We can leave the three misfits alone for a bit," she said with a small smile.

"Don't you need to talk to Rachel?" Quinn asked.

Shelby shook her head. "No," she murmured. "Santana, grab a bottle of water please and I'm serious no candy." Santana shot her a look and Shelby gave her a look back. "Careful, Santana. You and I both know that your Nana's going to feed you all enough crap until God knows when. No candy."

"Why don't you need to talk to Rachel?" Quinn asked as Shelby rang them out.

"Because she's going to drug her," Santana smirked but it faded when Shelby shot her a look. "It shouldn't be funny, but it is."

The blonde frowned. "What do you mean drugs?"

Santana chuckled. "You should see what Noah and I do and it is -"

"Santana," Shelby said sharply. "I'm not going to warn you again. You know that Rachel does not need that right now and -"

"But she won't really remember because she's sleeping and -"

"Santana," Shelby and Quinn said simultaneously.

She shrunk back. "It's kinda funny," she mumbled. She looked at her mother. "Not funny..."

Rachel leaned against her brother. Noah was trying his best to not push her. He knew she was grumpy. He knew that she was upset. He was afraid to push her. Particularly, he was fearful of being responsible for that. He didn't. As they watched the other three walk away she nestled into him more ultimately breaking the barrier she didn't intend to build before. He pulled her closer and kissed her lightly on the forehead. They sat there in silence watching the people go by.

"Noah?" Rachel said suddenly.

"Yeah, Rach?"

"Where will you be next year? Will you meet us in Florida like Griff and Dex?"

Her head was leaning against his upper arm. "What do you mean?" he asked with a frown.

"Where are you going to be?" she asked again as if it was a simple question.

"Rach," he began, but it came out more as a question. Why was she asking him this? She had been so quiet lately. Ever since yesterday, when everything felt like it was falling apart again, he was reminded that he needed to be here, failure or not. What was she asking? She spent all night crying with Santana. He heard her down the hallway. He heard Santana have to sooth her back to sleep again and again. Then she freaked out in the airport. None of it make sense. They were all falling apart. How could he be expected to leave?

"Who said I was going anywhere?"

Rachel sat up with a frown. "What?"

He gave her a soft grin. "I'm not leaving, Rach. College isn't for me and -"

"What do you mean?" she interrupted.

"I mean I'll probably still be here," he said with a light smile. "I'm never going to leave you, Rach."

Rachel pulled back and looked at him. Noah felt like he was under the light of scrutiny. He didn't understand what she was thinking. He could hold Rachel and comfort her until the end of time. He just wanted to support her, but now, looking at her. He felt far from her again. She was supposed to be the easy sister to support. Santana and Quinn required getting past an army of emotional security guards. Rachel and him were buddies. He would do anything for all of them, but now watching Rachel watch him he realized that she would do the same for him and he was horrified because she was eleven years old.

"I don't want you to," she said quietly. She shook her head looked at him. "You're not staying because of me. are you? Because... because I'm incapable?"

He looked at her in shock. "What? Rachel, you're-"

"You have to do something, Noah," she whispered. "You can do anything."

"I'm doing what I want," he said gently. "You never have to worry about my being happy."

She frowned up at him and leaned back into his side. Noah above her was looking around in confusion.

"Noah," she whispered.

"Yeah?" he asked quietly.

"We can't be those kids," she whispered.

"What?" he asked with a frown.

"You know... those kids on tv," she muttered.

"What kids on tv?" he asked with a frown.

"You know, the ones they do specials on..." She trailed off again. "I... don't want this to change my life."

Noah sat up, still holding her in under her arms. "What 'this,' Rachel?"

"You know..." she said looking down. "With... um... uh... Papa Hiram..."

He frowned and looked down at her. Don't push her, he heard his mother again in his mind. There were questions on the tip of his tongue that he knew he shouldn't ask.

"Noah, you're going to do good things," she shrugged. "I don't know. I just imagine us all coming together in ten years with lives as grown ups." Noah chuckled. "Well, you're already a grown up, but you know. Maybe you'll get married and have children and Santana and Quinn will be obnoxiously successful. I'm sure Santana will be arguing with someone, so maybe a lawyer. Quinn, I don't know about yet, but she's so smart and caring even though she pretends she's not. I just don't want..." she looked up at him. "You're not meant to stay here and rot away."

"What about you?" Noah said trying to avoided the topic of him.

"I don't know," she whispered.

"You are one in a million, bug," he whispered. "Just sometimes you all need a reminder."

"Who tells you?" she asked.

"You," he shrugged.

She frowned. "No, I don't."

"In your own way," he said, hugging her again.

…...

Rachel was knocked out against Noah about forty minutes later. Santana was lounging with her legs across the seats. Quinn and Shelby were making laps around the gate area. Santana frowned and noticed that they weren't chatting. She frowned, maybe their mouths weren't just moving.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Santana asked her brother setting down her book she wasn't pretending to read.

He shrugged. "I dunno." He motioned down to Rachel. "I'm freaking out."

She shifted and looked over at them. Rachel's mouth was open and she was snoring slightly.

"She's going to drool on you," she chuckled.

He shrugged. "Whatever. I don't care." He shot Santana a glare. "At least, she's not vomiting all over me."

She frowned. "That was a bad case of the flu," she said with a scowl.

He smiled. "You were exploding like Old Faithful. Dex and I were sure you were going to vomit on the stewardesses. Wait, did you I don't really remember?"

"Shut up," she grumbled. She shrugged. "Anyway, the whole trip back I think you, Dex, and Rachel had it on the way back."

Noah huffed. "Yeah, thanks for that." He searched Santana's eyes. "I'm kinda freaking out."

She looked over at Rachel. "I know," she said quietly. She looked over her shoulder and Quinn and Shelby were still walking. "She's lying."

"We all know she is," he said back. "But why?"

Santana shook her head. "I..." She bit her lip and shook her head as the looked down at the floor. "I can't... She can't... remember the room, Noah." He saw her eyes stinging. She shook her head and looked down at the floor again trying to suck in her tears with a shaky breath. "She can't remember that."

He watched her carefully. He wasn't sure what he could say. He learned a long time ago that his words were at most empty in an attempt to comfort Santana. He was never in that room and Rachel and Santana spent a lot of time in there. He sighed, pulling Rachel closer, he remembered telling the court how he had heard the screaming in the room and that's when he managed to break the window and run out. He didn't stop anything from happening besides the girls from bleeding out from injuries. He rested his cheek on Rachel's forehead. He lied to himself for so long before the trial. He didn't want to think about it,, but in that moment all he could think of was think about it.

_The lawyer lady in her tall, pointy shoes and wrinkle-less skirt walked around him. She had been trying to be his friend. He didn't need a friend. He was ten years old and he was tired of all of this. Grown-up after grown-up had asked how he felt. He had been asked that so many times that now he just felt tired._

"_Noah, do you know why we need to talk?" the fancy lady asked. _

"_Because of next week," he said. _

_She nodded. "You nervous?" _

_He shook his head. She sat across from him. "I need to know if you haven't told me things," she said. "They're going to try to throw you off your game." _

_He nodded. "Like fake me out," he said. "You want to know if there is something I didn't tell you." _

_She nodded. "I know that you've talk to a lot of people and -" _

"_Santana can't play softball. Did you know that?" He looked at the woman. "Not anymore. The doctors said that...At least she can still do gymnastics." He shrugged and looked at the floor. "Rachel doesn't smile anymore." He felt his eyes sting and he wiped the stray tears. "I can't be faked out by that guy." _

_The woman smiled at him. "Okay." _

_He watched as she watched him. She didn't speak for a long time. _

"_I need you to tell me what you know about your sisters and what happened in that room," she said carefully. _

_He gave a shrug. "I told you," he said. "I...told you...When I heard what was going on I went for help." _

_She looked at him for another moment. "Noah, you lived with him for how long?" _

"_Too long," he spat back. _

"_And you never heard anything else from that room?" _

_He looked at her. He had been asked again and again about what Hiram did but he didn't know. He had only told them what he knew, which was practically nothing. Now she wants to know things that he didn't know for sure. _

"_I need you to know that I am blown away by your courage and your bravery," she began. _

"_Stop," he said. "Please." _

"_Noah, you're not in trouble," she pushed again gently, but he didn't see her catch his mother's eyes behind him. _

"_I know that," he said tearfully. "But I should be." _

_She looked over at the one-way mirrors. He shook his head and looked down. _

"_I didn't tell the police before," he said quietly. The mask of his bravery seemed to be slipping away behind all of the tears. _

"_Tell the police what?" she pressed. _

_He looked over his shoulder and looked at his mother. "I can't do this while you're in here," he muttered. "I'm sorry." _

_Shelby choked back a sob and left. Noah started losing count at how many time he had made his mother cry. _

"_There were always noises," he said quietly. _

"_Noises where?" the lady with the pointy shoes asked. _

"_From that room..." he whispered. "And from the bed." _

_She frowned, but Noah didn't see it because he was staring at the floor that had become blurry with his tears. _

"_I didn't want to sleep with them... they're my sisters. I'm ten …. I wouldn't share a bed with them..." he trailed off. He looked up at her and wiped his eyes. "I pretended to be asleep... He would take them out of the room..." The tears stung his eyes. "Sometimes together... Sometimes separately … " He shook his head. "Is this what you want?" _

"_Yes," she said after a few moments. "I need you to tell what you remember. We're trying our best to make sure that everything your stepfather did is brought to justice." _

"_I just want him to go away forever," he said simply. _

"_That's what we're trying to achieve, Noah," he said nodded. "I'll tell you what you want to know." He said wiping his tears. _

"_Why didn't you say everything to police before?" the lady asked. _

_He looked at the floor. "I didn't know how to," he whispered after a long moment. "I didn't want to tell them how many times I didn't do anything." He wiped his tears. "Do you know what it's like when your little sisters are braver than you?" He looked at her carefully. "I ruined it." He looked away and then back at the ground. "Maybe if... Maybe if I did something earlier, San could play softball. She was the pitcher. Best one too... even though she was the youngest on the team... I never told her she was the best... didn't want to boost her ego. It used to be really big." _

"_Noah, you can't blame yourself. You said that wasn't the first time you tried to escape-" she began. _

"_It's doesn't matter," he said quickly. "Now what do you want to know?" _

"Noah?" Santana asked bringing him back to the present.

"Yeah?" he asked shifting Rachel's weight.

He watched as Santana bit back tears. "Do you think she'll only remember some and... and not all?" she finally asked.

"I hope so," he replied after a moment.

Quinn wasn't sure if this was originally how the seats were assigned but somehow it's how it was managed. Rachel woke up briefly to get on the plane. The rows were five across. Three on one side and two on the other. Santana and Rachel would surely be together and Quinn assumed the Shelby would take the third and Quinn and Noah would sit and banter the whole way there. However, the semi-comatose eleven-year old gripped onto Quinn's hand and had her sit with her and Santana. As soon as Rachel was in the seat she was out like a light.

"Good thing," Santana said buckling and lifting the arm rest between her and Rachel so that Rachel could rest on her. "When she was little, we didn't get her to sleep before take off. If the plane wasn't in the sky, they would have asked us to leave."

The blonde nodded with a slight frown. "What's the big deal?"

"She just really doesn't like loud noises," she said simply. "She used to panic and we and had to used to the Neb." She took a deep breath. "Are you nervous?"

"No," she spat. She looked at Santana's challenging look. "Of course, I am."

**Sorry for the delay on the chapter. I have the plague again; it just keeps on giving. I hope this chapter isn't too disappointing. I know you all had expectations based on the seeds that I planted in the last chapter. Again, I have an idea of exactly where I want to be in the story when Glee comes back... and I have a feeling that you won't see it coming. Please review. It means to world to hear what you think. **


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Filmaddict – Wow your words. I am honored. Thank you so much for your review. It is a dark story and I know it's not for everyone but I am thankful that my writing allows you to picture and feel the characters.

Iuterpi- The bond between Santana and Rachel is strong but was also different when Santana had to be the mommy for Rachel. Quinn and Santana will most likely get into plenty of trouble even though are now older. Its just not the time – these girls have so much to sort out but trouble will find the both of them. Thank you for your review.

sweetdreamer94 – I am glad you caught up. Sorry for draining you and a little warning that there is more to come so read it sitting down. I was thinking of using a stump grinder on Will when he is caught ! Just kidding. Thank you for your kind words they are always appreciated.

A Fan – Thank you for reviewing. There will be more of Quinn's back story because Russell has not been dealt with yet. He is still sitting in his little jail cell waiting to try and explain his and Judy's behavior so yes you will see more flashbacks for Quinn. Shelby will help her through all of the transitions as well.

amandaes417 – TSA can be rough sometimes but they have a job to do also and they don't know peoples backstories so it was unfortunate. Will is a huge creep and asshole in the story and he will be in it a lot because I know the Corcoran family is not going to allow him to just scare the crap out of Rachel and let him get away with it. Thanks for the review but hold on – there are big things coming.

Fangirl44 – Thank you for reviewing. I can say though you will hate Mr. Schuester more and more.

Drea LuRuiz – This story has a long way to go but yes unfortunately you are correct pedophiles do play with their victims minds in a huge way. The family is not going to shy away from each, this will bring them all closer in the end. Thank you for your excellent review.

Gleek1990 – If you think he is super creepy now – hold on because he still has a whole lot of creepiness in him – he will stop at nothing and he is so cocky he thinks he can get away with things. Thank you so much for your kind words on my writing. I try to give my readers my best work and try not to put anything in the story that is unnecessary.

Renata – Hi Ms. Brazil – Right now Mr. Schue is in Rachel's head big time. He is a master manipulator so even the distance of her being in Florida poor Rachel is going to have a hard time adjusting to acting normal. Unfortunately also they don't have any evidence that Will did anything to Rachel yet because she hasn't spoken up and they haven't found the clothes so something has to give soon. It's building so hold on. Thanks again for the review my sweet Brazilian.

missingviolet – Sorry but I will warn you now – prepare yourself for more stress. Thank you for reviewing.

broadwaybound2016 – Will's sickness is not going away anytime soon. Hold on ! Thanks for the review.

SuzQQ – Shelby is a very very strong woman and will continue to be. In this chapter you will see a little more of where she gets her tenacity from. Will is very cocky at this point and the longer he goes at not being caught the cockier he will get. He has complete control over his eleven year old victim right now so he will stop at nothing. San and Quinn will make quite the duo – they will still fight but the bond is getting tighter and tighter. Santana has no idea how to take her relationship to the next level with Brittany but she is trying and I think with Santana the letter writing is going to be the best way to get things out. As always thank you so much for reviewing. It is always appreciated.

Cookie – Thank you for the healing vibes. That and my antibiotics that I finally got are very much appreciated. Noah is a fantastic older brother and he needs constant reminding that he did everything he could possibly do to protect his siblings. Unfortunately in Rachel's present state Shelby will keep a watchful eye on Santana and Puck teasing her so right now in this story their teasing of their sister is on hold but trust me depending on how far the story goes – they will continue to do things like that. Thanks for the review and the healing vibes.

OTHangels – Thanks for reviewing! Always appreciated.

marinka4 – He is not dying yet – or ever – we just need to get him caught first – but we are working on it. Trust me – you are going to hate him more in the upcoming chapters. Thanks for reviewing.

Kimberlli – Until he gets caught we don't really know how many victims he will have but he is going to remain creepy and get creepier. He thinks he can't be stopped. Thanks for reviewing.

TommyH – Puck and Rachel have a very special bond. They will continue to bond and they will always be there for each other. Thanks for reviewing.

Cappsy – It is not ending anytime soon. Sorry. The next couple of chapters are going to be brutal for you. Hold on if you can. Thanks for reviewing.

piecesofyourheart – Unfortunately Florida is not coming at a very happy time for these kids but they may relax a little but poor Rachel just wants to crawl up in a little ball and be held. Thanks for the review.

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for passing your math test. Bear can be on your team I promise. Thanks for the review.

HIsland429 – Bear has to be careful and do things right because the worst thing to happen is Bear does something impulsive and the whole case against this ass falls apart. If their case falls apart because of something stupid it could ruin the kids so even though it is painful to wait and watch – it has to be done that way. Thanks for taking the time to review.

Ryuen – The 3 kids will want to go ape shit but they will be told to wait – but will they ? That remains to be seen because they know Rachel is not acting right. Thanks for reviewing

ShutUpAndSmileeez Thank you for reading my story – it is filled with a LOT of angst but after there will be happiness but it has a way to go before then I hope you stick around. I will say that this story will show hope and triumph in the end.

Ryoko05 – Some of the bonding will happen in Florida and it will be needed more than ever especially when one of them is so so wounded right now. They will rally around and support each other even when they themselves have big issues going on. While it won't be the most joyous of trips it will certainly bring this family closer. Thank you for your review.

**Sorry for the delay. Here it is. Let me know what you think. Your continuous support humbles me to no end. Thank you for believing in me and this little story. **

Chapter 30

Quinn didn't sleep; she just sat there. Rachel leaned over onto her at fifty-thousand feet. She and Santana then proceeded to antagonize Rachel's sleeping form. Santana insisted. They were only tickling underneath her nose and behind her ears as Rachel muttered and smacked her face lightly. Shelby didn't permit it to last for long. They had to sit there and write lines on the back of the vomit bags until there was no room left. When the plane finally landed and Rachel jolted awake, Quinn looked around and deflated. She was back on earth.

After what seemed like the slowest line ever, they finally made it off the plane. Rachel, again for some reason, was holding onto Quinn's hand. What Quinn hated was that she wasn't surprised by Rachel's reach for her anymore. She hated that she didn't want to run out of the airport. She hated that she wanted to be here. She was on auto-pilot and didn't know what she wanted, but she wasn't sure if she ever did.

When they finally made it out into the ramp to walk up, Quinn watched as Noah scooped Rachel up into his arms and they walked the endless walk to baggage claim. It had taken them about thirty minutes to finally get to the ramp and the plane arrived twenty minutes late. Quinn heard Shelby mention that it was another hour to the "farm." Rachel did move slower in her drugged state. It made sense that Noah would carry her, baby or not, she thought to herself. She watched as Rachel rested her head instinctively on Noah's shoulder. That was the big difference between her and Rachel. She didn't have a shoulder to rest instinctively on. She shook her head. She passed exit after exit and every time she informed herself that she missed her chance to leave. Her thoughts were broken when she felt a nudge in her side.

"What?" she asked with an eye roll.

"Just getting your face unstuck," Santana said casually. "You looked funny."

Quinn rolled her eyes at her. Santana was never her favorite person and she still wasn't, but now she couldn't really imagine her life without someone like her worrying about her face. They made their way down the fourth or fifth escalator of their endless trek to the baggage claim when finally Quinn spotted the carousels of luggage. She felt like everything was moving in slow motion as she descended down. There was a woman with dark hair and features that reminded her of Shelby and the girls. She was older but she reminded Quinn of the "old" features like Meryl Streep, which weren't old but more like a rare form of graceful aging. She suddenly thought of her mother and grandmother and wondered if alcoholism was a requirement for her to retain the "Fabray beauty." The older Shelby-looking Meryl Streep smiled and laughed with such joy and charisma that Quinn almost felt annoyed. It was a strange initial feeling; witnessing someone else's family felt as if she was trying on a wrong shoe. She reconsidered as watched the woman known as Nana who looked like a mixture of Grace Kelly, Shelby, and Audrey Hepburn. Clearly, this was where all the Corcoran woman inherited their high cheekbones. Quinn tilted her head. This didn't feel like trying on the wrong shoe on the wrong foot. It felt like trying a shoe on your hand.

Then there was who she assumed was 'Pop-Pop.' He was stocky. If Quinn ever imagined what Noah "Puck" Corcoran would look like when he was...Quinn pondered …. very, very old, she concluded. This would be what Noah would look like. This man had broad, muscular shoulders, a sharp jaw and a piercing stare that was softened by his dimples. He also had that charming but mischievous smile, like he was up to no good. He smiled the same grin that Quinn had seen Noah show when he smiled at Rachel. He drew Santana into a long hug. Quinn frowned. Santana never struck her as a hugger, but in that moment, Quinn was fooled. He then gave Puck a gentle pat on the cheek. He reached his arms out and took Rachel's sleeping form.

"My baby bug," he said with a chuckle and smile with that charming smile. Rachel instinctively rested her head on his shoulder and continued to sleep. Quinn wondered if that smile would ever fade while they're here. She felt herself wishing she too were drugged.

"You must be Quinn," Nana said as she stepped in Quinn's line of vision and suddenly interrupting her thoughts.

Quinn gave a weak smile. "Hi," she said.

Nana opened her arms. "Mom!" Shelby called from the baggage claim. "If she doesn't want to be hugged, don't force her."

"Can I hug you?" Nana asked with a smile.

Quinn searched her eyes. "Sure," she heard herself say in a long drawn out tone.

The rest of the evening seemed like a blur. The drive out to the farm was long; it was dark so there was nothing to see. Again, she felt Rachel against her in the ride out. When they arrived she was almost too tired to be nosey, but as usual, she was sure that she wouldn't sleep. There were more short conversations and instructions. It was almost ten when they were finally settled. The house was larger than the Corcorans's or the Fabray's. Quinn frowned as she looked around. While larger, the house still managed to be cluttered and fuller than any house that Quinn had ever seen. They walked up the stairs.

They were sharing rooms.

If the meet-and-greet wasn't exhausting enough, this was just another tiring blow. Apparently as big as this house was, it wasn't big enough for everyone. It was an old farmhouse that reminded Quinn of an episode of Smallville. She remembered seeing hay bails. She peeked up into the attic loft as they were shown around the second floor. Pop-Pop pointed up to the attic and explained that the boys would be staying upstairs. on futons amidst the pool tables. Joey and Bear would stay in the bedroom at the end of the hallway and Shelby was staying in the bedroom next to that one. Nana and Pop-Pop's bedroom was at the top of the stairs.

Finally, there was Rachel, Quinn, and Santana's room. The three of them were sleeping in a large bedroom. Quinn looked at Santana with a glare of fury and indignation.

"You're kidding me?" she asked.

"We're not going to make you sleep with Rachel..." Santana said with a shrug.

Quinn glared at the bed. It was a bunk bed, a twin over full bunk bed.

"We have a cot for you too," Shelby said pointing toward a pulled out futon in the corner. Quinn shook her head and sighed. This couldn't be happening.

"Well, Puck's rooooommates aren't coming in until tomorrow," Quinn began. She didn't get to add, 'Can't we switch?'

"No switching, Quinn," Shelby said. "Noah is not staying in here. Either you stay with me, Quinn, or you stay here."

Quinn shook her head, unaware that the reason why they needed to share a room was because it insured a built-in alarm system for all of them. If they were all together, there would be less trouble or at least that was the theory. Additionally, the attic had roof access and as much as Shelby hated to admit it, she trusted the boys more up there. She wanted the girls closer to her. She could hear if they were having nightmares more easily than she could if they were upstairs.

The blonde shook her head. "Fine," she muttered, glaring at Shelby. She put her hands on her hips and shot a look at Santana. She didn't understand. She knew that the three Corcoran kids had shared a room before at...Her thoughts trailed off. She watched as Shelby grabbed some pajamas and moved over to the larger bed where Santana laid the tiny narcotic.

"Girls, go get ready for bed," she said non-chalantly. Santana left the room while Quinn rummaged through her suitcase roughly as if it too had made the decision that resulted in her having roommates.

Shelby reached out and gently and carefully hooked her thumbs on Rachel's yoga pants. At the contact, Rachel jumped awake, whimpering. Her body instinctively recoiled up and she moved away from Shelby. Shelby saw her daughter's chest heaving. She had watched her look at several people in fear before, but very few times had she ever looked at Shelby like that. And every time, Shelby's heart broke.

"Please, no," the previously sleeping girl cried out with her hands in front of her desperately, pushing Shelby away.

Shelby stared at her frightened daughter with an initial shock that didn't wear away fast enough because Rachel's frightened eyes turned to panicked ones.

"I'm sorry," she stammered as she noticed Quinn on the floor next to her bag staring at her. "I … I had a bad dream... Can I have George?"

Shelby stared down at her daughter, trying her best to gather her words. Everything was pointing in one direction and it was one that shook Shelby to her core. She put her game face back on.

"Sure, I can get George. Why don't you change yourself, okay? Now that you're awake." Shelby kissed her on the forehead and left the room.

Rachel sat up and looked at the clothes her mother retrieved for her. It was all so exhausting. She saw Quinn staring at her from her suitcase. She wiped her tears furiously with the back of her hand and went into restroom, pushing past Quinn as she went.

Feeling as if she witnessed another intimate family moment that she shouldn't be apart of, Quinn felt the thoughts tumbled out of her mouth.

"I shouldn't be a part of this," she mumbled as Shelby came back into the room.

"You are," Shelby said setting the stuffed monkey on the bed. "You are a part of this family." She pulled the blonde into her arms. "If the top bunk or the floor isn't okay, come down the hallway okay?" She whispered quietly, "I know it's hard being in another new place." She pulled away from Quinn and handed her the small lamb. "Santana is saying goodnight to her grandparents. You have time to hide it wherever you decide to sleep." Quinn looked at her. Shelby cupped her cheek gently. "I love you. Thanks for coming to Florida."

Quinn saw her vision blur. Damn it, she thought. "I'll sleep on the top bunk," she heard herself say, surprising again that she cared so much about disappointing Shelby.

…...

The kids were asleep. It wasn't until the sixth time that she checked on the girls that Shelby felt a little bit of relief. However, it was minuscule compared to what everything else she felt. Her heart felt like it was splattered everywhere. She now knew what it meant when the tales said that Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. She couldn't get the pieces back.

"Shelby?" she looked up and her father was looking at her. "Come downstairs. Your mother made some tea."

Shelby stared at her parents as she hugged the cup of tea in her hands. She just explained and now she was waiting for a reaction. Her mother looked at her in shock.

"You're sure?" her mother asked again.

"Well, no," Shelby explained. "That's the problem. She's not talking."

Her father pushed his chair out roughly and wiped his hand over his face. "You think this because... because she was scared of you?" he asked, struggling to form his words.

Shelby bit her lip. "It's documented and it's known, Dad," she said at a measured pace, as much for herself as if was for her father. "That bastard only always had Rachel in diapers..." She looked at him with tear filled eyes. "He never put her in anything else below the waist," she said with gritted teeth. She watched "This trigger is new."

She put her head in her hands. She couldn't do this. She had suspected before but now it was real; now she couldn't avoid it. It was staring her in the face.

"Damn it," she said. "Damn it!"

"Shelby, we don't know if -" her mother began.

Shelby shot up. "No," she shouted. She recoiled and combed her hand through her hair. "No," she repeated more quietly. "I know he took off her clothes. He scared her. He..." She shook her head. "I don't understand." she looked at her mother. "Why would he do that? And why won't she tell me?" She panted and put her hand on her chest. "How could this happen?"

"Wait a minute," her father suddenly said, standing up straighter from the corner of the kitchen where he was standing. "You know who he is?"

Helen Berry looked up at her husband and then back at her youngest daughter. Shelby could tell that her mother wasn't just shocked. She was stunned.

"Yes, Mom," she said quietly pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Shelby," her father said heavily.

"Don't talk to me like that," Shelby hissed. She began to tear up. "I didn't …. I …. "

"Shelby, you knew that he was a threat?" he asked again raising his voice.

"Michael, keep your voice down," Helen snapped. "Shelby, you knew?"

"Of course, I didn't know," Shelby snapped. "Rachel trusted him. She needed to trust him and -"

"Damn it, Shelby!" Michael scolded. He covered his face and screamed into his hands. He walked over to his daughter. "She is a child abuse victim and -"

"Don't you dare," she yelled pointing at her father. "They are not victims."

He leaned against the counter. "This is what I did. This is what you do," he said evenly. He looked at his daughter. "Knowing what we know when we work how did you miss this with Rachel?"

Shelby shook her head and tears cascaded down her cheeks. "Because she's my child," she said. "I spent so long protecting her and I suffocated her. He was a guy from high school that offered to give her lessons." She looked at her father. "You don't think I'm retracing all of this? You don't think I'm thinking about this?" She released a sob. "She was in the hospital, Dad. I couldn't hold her all of the time. Only for parts of the time." She put her hand on her chest. "I couldn't hold her because she was in so much pain." She shook her head and the tears wouldn't stop. "Why would I ever want to do that again? Put her through that. Put Santana through that or Noah." She collapsed in the chair. "Oh, god. Their going to..."

"I'm sorry," Michael said. "I … I know this isn't you. I know that you do everything.-" He shook his head. "She's the baby and I …"

"That's why …." Shelby said tearfully. "She wanted so badly to be grown up that it blew up in her face. It's hurt her."

"Well, I have a feeling, you've known this for a long time, but it's now just hitting you," Michael began sitting down back at the table. "And it started when Bear started telling you he didn't like him."

"Don't shrink me, Dad," Shelby hissed, but then frowned when she realized that she had become her father.

"I know you are doing your best," he said. "Start from the beginning. What happened? What is she acting like?" She took a breath and began. She told them everything and two cups of coffee and a pint of Ben & Jerry's later it was all on the table, exposed and ready for evaluation. "Well, I think Elyse is right. It's a mixture of new triggers as well as memories coming to the forefront." He took a deep breath. "We need to act as natural as possible."

"I'm sorry, what?" Helen said, who has been quiet for the most part. "My baby bug was touched by another - pig-bastard," she continued carefully, "and you want to act as casually as possible? I do NOT understand, Michael!"

"She's scared. That's why she's not talking and once she talks," he said carefully and paused to look at his daughter.

"She'll clam up," Shelby finished. "Especially if we have her talk here. She'll be scared again on the flight back."

"She might change her story again," Michael said.

Helen stood up. "I'm sorry. You're not making sense. We're not saying anything? We're not pushing her because you want a genuine confession. I know I'm not a shrink like you guys-"

"Mom, I'm a therapist," Shelby said pinching the bridge of her nose. "And Dad's a forensic psychologist...It's different. You've been married for almost forty years and -"

"Shelby!" Helen scolded. She took a deep breath. "Is there a chance...any chance at all that she isn't lying...and that she is just remembering?"

Michael looked at his wife. "If she was really remembering...she might act like this..but she would talk to someone. If not Shelby then at least Noah or San, and if not them then at the very least...she would talk to her therapist. But she isn't...she hasn't said anything about anything..."

"Maybe she wouldn't," Shelby thought out loud. "She told me recently that she had been remembering for awhile but she didn't tell us because she was scared about how we would feel."

"So there is a chance?" Helen asked volleying her gaze between her daughter and husband.

"There's not," Michael said watching his daughter. "Her trigger. The act of Shelby trying to take off her pants is clear."

Helen shook her head. "So what?" She shrugged. "What do we do? Nothing?"

"We need to make sure she knows she's safe," Michael said.

Shelby bit her lip. "Because right now she doesn't," she realized out loud. "He took that from her." She looked at her mother. "We can't force it out of her."

Helen took a heavy breath. "I don't like this. I don't."

"And we do?" Shelby countered sharply. She shook her head. "I'm sorry."

Helen looked at her husband and sighed. "Okay. We'll do this. We'll get her to trust herself and us again."

"She's fragile now, more than any of us can comprehend. Even though there were no physical traumas, we know that something happened and it's pushing her back to the beginning."

Helen looked at her daughter. "Okay. But we will not let her out of our sight." She took a deep breath. "So, do you want to explain to me why all three of the older kids are suspended?"

Shelby shook her head. "Mother, it's late." Helen arched her brow. "Fine. But I need another pint of Ben and Jerry's."

Michael put another pint onto the table. "Spill."

…...

Quinn opened her eyes. It was light. The sun was in the air. High in the sky...She scowled. She had slept. She popped up in bed quickly.

"You're fine, sleeping beauty," Santana groaned from beneath her.

Quinn felt her body in the middle of her back lift. "Santana!" she scolded. Her body fell hap-hazardly back onto the bunk. She looked furiously over the side. "Did you just push my bunk with your feet?" she asked in disgust.

"No," Santana shrugged. "It was Rachel."

Quinn looked over and saw that Rachel was still sleeping into Santana's side with her arm wrapped around her monkey.

"Seriously?" she asked.

"Totally, Rachel," Santana muttered flatly.

Quinn huffed loudly and laid back. She retraced her chest. She couldn't remember closing her eyes last night. She remembered staring at the ceiling. She remembered hearing the creaks of the house and the silence of the night. She remembered being in deep thought and she even remembered Rachels' whimpering in the darkness of the room. However, she didn't remember falling asleep and now she was waking up and it was morning. The last time she had slept had been with Shelby. She slept alone and in a bed and through the night. How did that happen?

"Morning," Shelby said coming into the room.

"Hey," the girls said looking at her. Quinn noticed Shelby's eyes linger on Rachel's sleeping form.

"You sleep alright?" she asked looking at the girls.

Quinn sat up and nodded with a frown unsure of what it meant. She honestly couldn't remember when she didn't wake up in the middle of the night or when she slept soundly for more than four hours. She had somehow allowed Shelby to become her crutch as much as she hated to admit it. She had spent her whole life exhausting her body to the point where she didn't even realize she was tired. She just laid there when she was tired. Resting wasn't sleeping, it was laying there forcing her mind to not yell and instead just whisper. For the first time in her life, without being drugged or leaning on someone, it actually went silent. It was as if she didn't understand that she was missing it; she never understood that she was so tired before, because in this moment she never felt more relieved and relaxed as she did on the top bunk in a room with the Corcoran girls in Florida.

"You alright Quinn?" she nodded.

"Yeah," she whispered more to herself than Shelby as she climbed down.

"Rach," Santana whispered.

"Let her sleep, San," Shelby said.

"It's Rachel, she doesn't sleep," Santana said not even trying to whisper.

Shelby knew that; they all knew that. Rachel had always been the first one up. She never wanted to miss anything. Now she was laying there. It was almost ten in the morning. The kids had all slept almost eleven hours. Rachel was still asleep. She frowned as she watched Rachel shift slightly, but only slightly, her grip around George. No one saw it; Shelby was sure Santana didn't even feel it.

"San, leave her be," Shelby watched Rachel carefully. "Her medicine is still in her system. You know she needs to sleep it off."

"Mom, she took it yesterday at four o'clock because you always have us get there so early," Santana said looking at her mother. "That means she has been asleep for almost twenty hours..."

"Santana," Shelby hissed. "Please get up. Leave her. Brunch is ready."

"Mom," Santana started again.

"Santy," Helen said from the door.

The older girl looked at the woman. "Nana, Rachel has been -"

"Rach is tired," Helen said. " Come downstairs. Breakfast is getting cold. You know how your Pop-Pop feels about cold meals."

"Thank you," Quinn nodded and avoided Shelby's eyes. "I'm going to shower and -"

"Quinn-" Shelby said interrupting her.

"We don't eat alone," Helen said. "We need to go downstairs. There's no option here."

"Really, I -"

"No option," Helen said quickly. "We eat as a family. You're family. Let's go."

Santana looked at Rachel and opened her mouth to protest. "Besides Rachel," Helen cut them off before she even was able to get the words out. "Let's go."

Quinn trudged down the hallway behind the family. She didn't want to be here. She looked around. There were pictures lining the wall. However, they weren't as evenly and carefully placed as the ones at the Corcoran house in Lima. These ones were covering the walls and the frames weren't even all the same. She frowned. Didn't they move here less than a decade ago? Why did the house look so cluttered and lived in only after five years.

"Gah, blah, ugh, morning," Noah said emerging into their cattle herd from the stairs that led to the attic.

"Hmmm," he grunted. "Where's Rachel?" he asked as he rubbed his eyes. He looked around and started back towards the girls' room. "I'll get her-"

"Let her sleep," Nana said casually.

"Is she in a coma?" he asked with a frown looking at Nana and then back over at the closed bedroom door and finally settling his gaze on Santana.

"Pretty much," Santana muttered.

Shelby lingered and watched the kids go down the hallway with her mother. She turned back and when she opened the door to the girls' room, she knew Rachel had been awake. However, that wasn't what worried her. What worried her was that her normally energetic child wanted to stay in bed. Further, as demonstrated by the fact that she tried faking her slumber when the older girls were there, she wanted to be left alone. Shelby slowly opened the door and she hated that she wasn't surprised at what she saw. Santana had put a pillow down next to Rachel to replace her body before she left and the tiny girl was now crying softly into it. The mother took a deep breath and went into the room laying quietly next to her daughter.

"Shh," she soothed as she combed her hand through her hair. Rachel looked up at her mother, slightly embarrassed and recoiled. "It's okay to be upset, bug." Rachel reached up and wrapped her arms around her mother and released a sob.

"Mommy," she whimpered.

Shelby frowned at the moment forgetting that she was holding an eleven year old, but she felt as if she was holding her toddler again. Rachel gripped on tighter and cried into her mother's neck. "I'm right here," Shelby whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."

…...

The back stairwell spit them out into the kitchen.

"Morning, sunshines," Bear said from the stove next to Pop-Pop as he flipped another pancake onto the stack.

"I thought you were flying in later today," Quinn said curiously but it came out somewhat as a sneer.

"Nice to see you too, Quinn," Joey laughed.

There was a huge island in the middle of the kitchen similar to that of the one at the Corcorans and a large breakfast nook area that reminded Quinn of a restaurant booth.

"We arrived early this morning," Bear said casually. Quinn watched as he and Santana exchanged a look as the girl poured herself some orange juice.

"She's upstairs with Mom," Quinn heard Santana whisper. The two continued to look at each other as if having a silent conversation.

"Eat up everyone," Helen said sitting at the breakfast table. "We have a lot to do today."

"This is tiring enough," Santana said grabbing another pancake and quietly eyeing Quinn.

"I'm good," Quinn said sitting at the bar stool with empty chairs surrounding it. She needed to remind herself that at most she was a visitor. She wasn't a part of this.

"You're not," Shelby said from behind Quinn.

The girl didn't even bother turning around. She saw Rachel slip into the empty stool next to her.

"Bug, do you want a shake?" Helen asked as she pulled out the blender not waiting for an answer.

Rachel shook her head and bowed her head, ignoring all of the looks from her family.

"She'll have one," Shelby said placing her hand on both Quinn and Rachel's back. The small moan that instinctively released from Quinn's lips as she deflated from being caught. Both Shelby and Quinn frowned when they saw Rachel flinch at Shelby's gentle touch. "Please come join the rest of us at the table," she whispered. It wasn't really a request.

Both girls went over to the table. Santana was feeding herself pancakes when Rachel slipped under her arm and somewhat interrupted the process. She frowned but simply switched hands and wrapped her arm around Rachel .

"So, we have plans today," Helen announced.

"What plans?" Noah asked with his mouth full.

"It's come to my attention that we have chores to do," Helen said causing the three older children to pause. Helen continued casually as if she didn't notice their faces. She was standing at the counter preparing shakes. "We do not tolerate fighting in this family. The barn needs some work and -"

"I'm sorry, what?" Quinn asked and soon looked down with disgust as Shelby placed a plate of food and a shake in front of her and another shake in front of Rachel.

"The stalls need cleaning out and there's some repair work," Helen said loudly over the blender.

Quinn scoffed and looked at Santana who was trying to focus on eating with an eleven year old leaning into her side.

"What? Are we on a farm or something?" she asked to anyone who would answer.

"Yes," Helen shouted over the blender. She continued to shout. "In our retirement, Michael and I-"

"Honey, it's done," Michael said turning the blender off.

"Anyway," Helen said in a casual tone. "We bought this farm awhile back. We help fund it."

"What?" Quinn asked again.

"Eat, girls," Shelby said pushing the shakes closer towards the girls' plates.

"It's a rehabilitation farm. Kids come here for programs and whatnot," Helen said.

"Of course they do," Quinn mumbled as she pushed her food around her plate. What was it with this family? She felt someone kick her underneath the table. She looked up and glared at Noah. "Are you retired?" Quinn asked Helen.

"Quinn, don't be rude please," Shelby said sitting next to the girl with her own plate of food as Joey scooted in next to her.

"It's a genuine question," Joey explained as she cut her pancakes in the messiest way Quinn had ever seen.

"We are," Michael said with a laugh. "But we have a hard time keeping still."

"So, I have a list of chores for you kids," Helen continued, patting Michael's shoulder ultimately telling him to be quiet.

Santana grimaced. "What kind of chores?"

…..

About forty minutes later, the four of them were in the barn Quinn looked around. She had never worked in a barn with animals. And at that moment as she wore high rubber boots that weren't hers to shield her from poop splattering, she regretted not investing greater energy into not wanting to.

"Rachel," Santana said with a slight annoyance. "You need to put the bails like this. We're never going to get this done if you're not stacking them right."

"Santana!" Noah barked. The brunette looked at Noah and then back at Rachel who now had her head bowed slightly and was pretending to adjust her gloves.

"I'm sorry, Rachel," she said quietly. "Come here. I'll show you. We can do this together." Rachel looked up at her big sister apologetically. "It's not your fault the bails are big," Santana said. She shrugged. "Quinn is really the one that needs to pick it up."

The blonde frowned. "I'm feeding these gross things," she hissed.

"That should have taken you no time. Just dump it in," Noah said.

"Gah," Quinn said as she made a conscious decision to hate farms and eat more bacon.

"So what did you do?" a tall boy with broad shoulders asked as he swaggered into the barn. Quinn rolled her eyes. Didn't the Corcorans have ugly people in their family? This guy had soft eyes like Joey's and dark thick, wavy hair like her too. It was cut short and maintained without looking as if he spent a great deal of time on it.

Next to him was another tall boy but he wasn't as stocky as Noah, Bear, Michael aka Pop-Pop or natural-fancy-haired man. He looked familiar. She had seen him before. She felt her mouth tighten into a frown and her nose scrunch in disgust. Griffin Carlson: Soccer Douche Bag Number One. She remembered meeting him during summer practice before her freshman year and his senior. She thought he had potential to be someone honorable, but she wasn't sure, even at that point, if boys like that existed. She found herself searching for men unlike her father. She didn't even realize she was looking until she found herself judging. She remembered looking at the soccer star and thinking maybe he was tolerable and that high school would offer new promise, but then he opened his mouth. He set the standard for her that summer and for some ways for the rest of her high school career. She knew at that moment the highest she could ever achieve was Finn Hudson. She frowned. She didn't want to see him in person let alone waste her time on him in her internal monologue as she judged Griffin.

Santana stood up with a huff, interrupting Quinn's thoughts. "What makes you think that we did something?"

The girls exchanged a look. It was almost as if they had each silenced the fact that they were each other's secret-keeper. Quinn gave her a small smile realizing that she forgot to be more grateful for the brunette that she realized she was most close to. She made a mental note to talk with her later.

Griffin laughed and caught Quinn's eyes with a slight frown trying to place her. "No one comes and cleans horse sh-"

"Griff!" Rachel said smacking the older boy in the gut. She leaned into him slightly and looked up at him. "Are you going to help us?"

"No, squirt, of course not," he said with a laugh.

Griffin's attitude is what Santana hated the most about him. He was the one that throughout their childhood always asked, "Why?" or "So what?" when it came to things that Rachel could or couldn't do. His clear carelessness echoed in his every decision. Granted she wasn't the most responsible person herself, but Rachel came first before anything and he put himself first.

"Did you come out here just to be a dick?" Santana sneered.

"San," Rachel said with a look.

"Sorry," Santana huffed.

"But seriously," Dexter said folding his arms. "What happened?"

Quinn looked hesitantly over at Santana and was met with the same hesitation.

"Hudson was being a douche so we put him in his place," Noah said casually surprising them.

Santana nodded. "Also, Shitney was being a slut and talking smack so..."

Griffin looked at Quinn. "That's where I know you from. You're Finn's girl."

"She's no one's girl, asshole," Santana spat.

"Santana," Rachel said looking at her with accusing eyes.

Dexter put his hand on his brother's chest. "Can you put your jerk on hold for the first few hours that you're here?" he asked with annoyance. "Please?"

"Whatever," he said rolling his eyes with his hands up in surrender.

"Boys, I asked you to come out here and help," Michael said coming around the corner with Shelby and Bear.

"No, you didn't, Pop," Griffin said starting out of the barn.

Dexter grabbed the back of Griffin's collar. "We're here to help."

"We're vacationing," Griffin huffed.

"And we've vacationed like this for almost six years," Dexter said with a look. "Shut up, man and grab a shovel."

"Can I at least change?" he asked with annoyance.

"Five minutes, Griff," Bear said in a strong tone. "I mean it."

Quinn watched the boy swagger away and she shook her head. Yup, still a douche. She watched him disappear into the house and shook her head.

"Plenty of work still to do, guys," Michael said.

They finished stacking hay when McDouche came back. They all moved outside. All Quinn could think about was how if she ever retired this would not be her idea of retirement. She would rather something different. Relaxing. Her mind began to wander. Retirement. That would mean she would have survived adolescence and accomplished something she never thought she would survive in the long term. She knew that there would be a moment, subtle or extravagant where she would realize that what happened in Lima was a forgotten life. Quinn she knew she had to survive Lima so that she could leave it behind. However, she looked around wondering for the first time if she wanted to.

"Alright," Michael announced. "Fill the troughs and then we should be good to go. Oh and, Griff, water those plants too."

If someone was thinking, which no one was, that someone would have realized that putting a water hose in both Santana and Griffin's hands was a terrible idea. However, hindsight was twenty-twenty.

The brunette watched from the corner of her eye as her mother, uncle and grandfather helped Quinn carry the rest of the equipment. Rachel was reaching into the pig pen to pet the baby pigs while pretending to be putting more food in their trough with slop as Santana filled the watering hole. In order to reach them a little better she crawled into the pen. Thanks to her tall and too-big rubber boots she was staying clean and dry.

"Dex, come help me with this fence really quick," Michael said and the two rounded the corner.

"Quinn, grab those buckets and then put them in that shed," Shelby said. "We're going to head inside to finish lunch." She looked around and spotted Rachel in the pen with the piglets. "Rach, don't forget you need to feed them not just pet them. I'm heading inside okay?"

"Kay," Rachel murmured.

Santana watched her mother disappear into the house. She spotted Griffin looking at her with narrowed eyes. She had known her cousin all her life and he was a jerk ninety-four percent of the time so she made sure to be a jerk ninety-five percent of the time back at him. She saw him lift the hose he was using to water the plants and aim it at her. Just like cowboys ready to draw, she lifted her own hose, too drenching him. They both screamed in anguish as the water shot everywhere.

"Knock it off!" Griffin yelled.

"You started it!" Santana spat.

Neither one of them moved but turned their faces the best they could to avoid the spray of the water.

Santana heard Griffin yell in anguish as a bucket of water was thrown at him. He opened one of his eyes and saw Quinn Fabray throwing water at him. No way was he going to tolerate that. He waved the spray at both of them, ultimately spraying the entire area. He was able to see better when Noah tossed a bucket of water onto Santana forcing her to lower the water for a few seconds.

He chuckled.

"Noah!" she screamed but laughed slightly. She adjusted the spray on the hose so it shot harder at both boys. Quinn filled up another bucket and drenched the boys with perfect aim surprised at the huge smile that spread across her face.

"What the hell?" Santana heard her uncle yell, but it was muffled by the sound of water.

Suddenly the water stopped. Santana looked over an Shelby had turned off both of the hoses.

"Are you kidding me?" Shelby asked. Michael and Dexter rounded a corner trying to mask their smirks of amusement.

Quinn was pretty sure it was a rhetorical statement, but Santana still answered. "He started it," she said as if would explain everything.

"That's crap," Griffin huffed as he wiped off his face and then waved his hand accusingly at Santana. "You're so..." he trailed off. He anger morphed into confused worry. "Rach?"

All of them turned to her and she was still crouching in the pig pen even though all of the tiny piglets had moved to the other corner because of the sudden rain. She was trembling. She was still sitting back on her heels on the ground covered in mud and just as drenched from the water as the other four were.

"Rach," Griffin continued. "It's just water, bug."

His voice was gentle in a way that Quinn never thought Griffin Carlson capable of.

"Rachel?" Santana asked walked toward her.

The tiny girl stayed where she was but flinched away slightly. Her left shoulder shrugged slowly as if protecting herself. She shook her head as her brow furrowed and she began to cry softly.

"Rach," Shelby said quietly as she knelt next to her. "Noah, go get me a towel please.

Rachel looked down at her hands and the tears continued to flow. "I need to go change, mom."

"Stand up, sweetheart," Michael guided. "You'll dry. It's just water..." he said trying his best to stay calm while searching for any missing pieces that Rachel might offer.

She shook her head frantically. "No, I can't. I wanna be dry..." she muttered. She continued to look at the ground. "I wanna be dry. I need to be dry." She stood up slowly and Shelby reached her hands out to support her but the girl only pushed her away. Rachel didn't watch everyone looking at her. She kept her head bowed slightly. "I just... I need to be dry," she muttered and she walked briskly inside.

"What's going on?" Griffin asked.

Dexter soaked in everyone's sullen glances. He frowned. "What happened?"

Shelby looked over at Bear who only took a deep breath. She stood to her feet and walked after Rachel.

Bear put his hands on his hips. "We all need to have a talk."

…...

Michael walked quietly next to his youngest granddaughter. He wasn't a man of few words, but he was a watchful man. He hated seeing her like this. However, he knew what he was seeing. He had seen those eyes countless times in offices across the region when he worked in Lima. He just couldn't bear seeing Rachel like that. Rachel had gotten changed and Michael guided her back to the barn to help sort out a few more pens. He had told her he needed to show her something even though they mainly just needed her out of the house. He wasn't sure how Shelby and Santana helped her change, but she was calmer now. However, she remained sheepish and distant.

"What are you going to show me?" Rachel asked looking up at him as they walked the path.

"It's a surprise, bug," he said with a smile.

"You know you could just say that you had to get me out of there because I freaked out," Rachel said crossing her arms. "And everyone needs to talk about how I'm... broken now," she finished quietly looking up at her grandfather. She remembered Santana's words before she left.

"You're not broken," Michael said stopped in his tracks. "Rachel, stop for a second and look at me."

She turned, but before he could speak she continued. "everyone's going to grow up and get a life and I'm going to be _that_ girl in the family."

"What girl?" Michael asked as he guided looked at her carefully.

"You know the one who is stuck with her family because she is so stuck..."

"What do you mean?"

"The one who is stuck in the past that she can't move forward. She can't stop being afraid." She let the last part trail off and she met her grandfather's eyes slowly. the tears watered in her eyes. "I don't know what I'm doing..."

"Rachel," he said softly pulling her into his arms. "You're doing just fine."

"Don't lie, Pop-Pop," she whispered into his neck.

"Do you want to talk about it? Maybe I can help," he said casually.

He noticed immediately that she tensed up. He watched as she sunk quietly into herself. "You don't have to do this," she whispered.

"You're saying I didn't want to spend time with you?" he asked with a chuckle.

She looked up with him with a slight glare. "Don't do that, Pop-Pop." She looked back down at the ground. "I'm not dumb. I'm a lady."

"I didn't say you were, bug," he muttered. "You wanna talk about it?"

"No," she said. She stomped slightly in her step. "If you had water dumped on you, you would want to change!"

He arched his brow. "That's true. I would. Santana and Griff are sorry, Rach."

"I know," she said quietly. "Santana told like a million times … in her San way of course. And Griffin well he nodded and mumbled. But I was never mad at them..." she trailed off. It was true. She wasn't. She was angry at herself.

They rounded the corner and he threw some extra hay into the pen for the goats. They continued and he sighed, trying to ease into the conversation. "Can I talk to you about something?"

She looked up at her grandfather. "Sure," she said carefully.

"You've told me countless times you're going to be a star," he said with a smile as he stopped near the horses. She climbed up onto the fence and watched the horses. She was now at his height level.

"Yes, I have," she said.

"Rach, what your stepfather did was really wrong," he said as she continued to watch the horses. He noticed her lower her head. "I know no one really talks about it, especially with you." He shook his head. "It never should have happened. I'm sorry." She looked up at him as his voice wavered. "People do bad things Rachel. Not just your step dad or maybe Quinn's dad." She turned away again and watched the horses. He went on. "But there are different kinds of bad just like different kinds of good."

"I didn't think that, Pop-pop. I think people are bad or they are good," she said holding on to the fence.

"Do you really think that?" he asked.

The watched the horses gallop, knowing the truth. "I hoped it..."

"You don't now?" he asked watching her.

She frowned. "I don't know. Good people make bad choices but can bad people make good ones to right their bad ones?"

He looked at the sky for his answer. "I don't know. I think it depends on the situation." He took a deep breath. "I know you think everyone treats you like a baby. Have you ever wondered why?"

"I know why."

He looked at her waiting.

She continued. "Because of what happened."

"Some of it and some of that is because you will always be the baby in the family," he said. "You can't get past it – It's just the way families work." She huffed. "But also as you grow older – You grow to be smarter about trusting people. If something doesn't seem right – it probably isn't."

"Everyone's talking to me about trust lately," she muttered, knowing she had been wrong. "I wish you just said what you're not really saying."

He chuckled. "Rachel, we're not trying to trick you. I am telling you this because even though you are my baby bug, you are growing up and you need to know things. You are a strong little girl growing into a strong woman." He looked at her. "Rachel, people had instincts around you because of what happened. You need to trust your family members that have always been there for you. They are not doing or saying things to you to baby you Rachel – They are asking you because they love you and would do anything and everything to protect you."

"I can protect them too," she whispered hugging the top rung of the fence she was resting on.

"Yeah, you can," he said carefully. "But you don't have to burden everything."

"We've been through enough, Pop-Pop," she muttered.

He looked at her more and took a breath. "You know why people have been talking to you about trust?" SHe looked at him expectantly. "They don't trust your instincts. Sometimes, Rach, people become trustworthy so that they can hurt you."

"Sometimes if you tell, things can change for the worst way and people get let down and they leave." The words poured out of her in a soft whisper that was so soft that Michael almost missed it.

"Rachel, no one will ever leave you. We love you," he said trying to catch her gaze.

"They wouldn't on purpose," she whispered again, avoided his eyes.

Michael frowned soaking all of this in. He tried not to stare at her as he wondered if this situation was a transparent as he thought it was.

Rachel glanced at her grandfather but looked away. "Can I tell you a secret?" she asked.

Michael straightened. Had it been that easy?

"You know I can't keep secrets if they hurt you," he said honestly.

"I'm mad at my dad," she said quietly. Michael frowned but she continued. "He left." She shook her head. "And because he did..." She felt the tears wet her eyes. "But he didn't mean to. I can't be mad at him for dying, but I am." SHe swallowed. "I'm mad at him for choosing him. Everything fell apart. I can't be alone again. I can't. He left me."

"Rachel," Michael said gently. "Come here." She climbed off of the fence and looked up at him. "As long as we are all physically on this earth, Rach, you won't be alone - and when Nana and I go up to see your dad - just like him we will be watching over you."

Rachel looked at him. "I wish I remember him better, but I don't. No one is ever mad at him." She searched her grandfather's eyes. But sometimes I get mad and then I feel badly because I don't remember him and he didn't mean to die..." She looked at him. "Don't you wonder what it would be like if he was here?"

"I'll assure you, Rach, you're not the only one who's upset that he died."

"Not upset, Pop-Pop, I'm mad at him," she said quietly. "It's different and ….. I just want to get it right."

"You're afraid people would be angry at you for something?" he asked.

She didn't respond. She bit her lip staring at the ground.

"I don't know how to be grown up, but I'm trying, Pop-pop." SHe looked up at him with big eyes. "I know someday I need to go off and be alone. I'm not ready yet though."

"You're not alone, bug," he said hugging her. "You'll never be alone." He rubbed her back as she laid her cheek on the top of his shoulder with an exhausted sigh. "Rachel, you know he's always with you," he said softly.

Her head shot up and her eyes widened , but then lowered her head again. "I hope not," she whispered.

…...

The family sat there quietly.

"Wait," Griffin finally said. "We're not supposed to talk to her about it?"

"No, you're not Griffin," Bear said. "Nothing."

Santana looked over at Quinn, who looked uncomfortable and out of place. She realized they hadn't truly spoken. She wasn't sure if they needed to. They weren't the chatty types. However, she needed to assure Quinn that she wasn't going to tell.

"You're going to catch him, right?" Dexter asked shaking his head.

Santana looked over at her eldest cousin with a frown. He had started his senior year of high school when they moved to Lima. Rachel was barely five years old and still dealing with repairs and frequent infections. Dexter was the most level headed out of the other three kids and was usually the one helping Shelby with Rachel. It had broken his heart every time but also ignited a fire in him to pursue pediatric medicine. He could never imagine, however, having to ever help Rachel like he did before. She should never ever have to go through that again.

"We are trying, Dex," Joey said softly.

"Well, try harder," he said abandoning his normally casual tone. "She cannot take that again."

"You don't think we knew that?" Santana hissed standing up. "We know that, Dex. Really, I think we do."

She stalked out of the room, daring anyone to follow.

Quinn watched Santana leave and wondered in that moment if it was about Rachel or if it was about something else. She looked at Shelby as if asking the question.

"I'll be right back," Shelby said quickly as she left the room. Quinn looked around. She really doesn't belong here. She looked around her. Noah was sitting next to her with his head in hands. Griffin looked like a mixture of constipated and confused. His lack of a filter on facial expressions reminded her of Finn. She leaned back in her seat asking herself for the millionth time: What was she doing here?

"Go wash up," Helen said with a bit of a nod. "You're all getting the place messy. Then come back down. We have pots to scrub and windows to wash."

Quinn glanced over at Noah. "Are you-" before she could finish her question he shot up.

"I don't understand," he said. "She's a minion."

"Minor," Bear corrected.

"Whatever," Noah said with a shake of his head. "Can't you do anything?"

"We're trying," Bear said. He looked at the boy. "But honestly there's nothing we can do unless she says something."

"Well, make her say something!" Noah said waving his arms up in the air.

"We can't," Dexter said quietly. Quinn could tell that something clicked in his head. "I saw this at the hospital during my internship last summer. You can't report...If you don't know." He looked at his cousin. "It's up to other people to investigate."

"Well, let's report then. I'm eighteen," Noah said with new determination. "I can sign."

Joey looked at Bear asking if she could tell her nephew. Bear took a deep breath through his nostrils.

"Noah, I have it under control,." Bear said gently. "She's here. She's safe with us."

"What about people who don't have anyone..." Quinn heard herself say. It came out as a question but it was a statement. She looked at the family. "Men like that don't just stop..." She met Joey's wide, tear-filled eyes. "It's about control..."

Bear looked over at his wife and reached out and took her hand, but she pulled away. "If he did something, we'll catch him."

The blonde stood up and shook her head. "We all know he did. You're just stuck because you don't have proof."

….

Shelby rounded the corner and Santana was standing in the bedroom with her hand on her forehead and her other hand on her chest.

"San," she said gently going to her.

"No, "she said. "Go away."

"San," Shelby said again trying to get her daughter's attention.

"Leave me alone," she whispered. "Just... I need a moment."

Shelby went behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist and rested her chin on her shoulder.

"Where are you?"

"Not here," she said so lowly that it made her whisper seem loud. The sixteen year old felt tears trickle down her face. She gripped her mother's hands that wrapped around her. "She can't remember, Mom."

Shelby hushed sweet nothings into santana's ears. "Shhh."

"She can't..."

Shelby knew that this just wasn't about Rachel. The situation was so tightly woven together the strands almost looked as one. Yes, Santana hadn't been raped like the court defined rape eight years ago. However, the sexual abuse ran deep. Shelby felt herself beginning to shake in rage as she held her sobbing teenager. Shelby remembered sitting behind the camera as her strong Sanny testified. They had allowed her record her testimony before hand. Her testimony was so heart wrenching that most of the jury was in tears. One woman even threw up. She clearly wasn't cross examined; it wouldn't benefit their case if they put a traumatized eight year old on the stand.

She knew that there were so many small details that she didn't know. She knew that there were so many moments of panic and fear that Santana refused to feel. She knew that so much remained unsaid and after years of therapy with Julia, Santana was still only dipping her toes into the water. Julia had once told her that this might be a constant battle for Santana. However, Shelby knew her daughter. Even when she was learning to walk, Santana couldn't be pushed. She needed to do things on her own time. No one could push her. However, then Rachel was born. The pre-mature baby pushed Santana from the beginning and it amazed and confused Shelby at the same time. All that had happened ripped them apart and brought them together all at once; Santana separated herself from Rachel at that point. Shelby saw the difference.

They both knew that Shelby wasn't the one on the outside. Rachel was the one. Never as much in that moment did Shelby regret trying to protect Rachel at that point until that moment. How did she not know that it was going to come crashing down on them. Rachel didn't know all that Santana went through. There were undertones that were wrong and she had allowed that.

"Mom, I can't do this," Santana whispered. "...She can't know..." She turned and looked at her. and shakes her head rapidly. "He did something. He had to..."

Shelby cupped Santana's face. "We don't know. We just need to support her."

Santana stepped away and wiped her tears. "Of course," she said steeling her face.

"How are you? Really?"

"I can't, Mom," Santana said putting up her hands. "I'm not doing this with you. I'm not talking about me or my crappy feelings and crap. I'm just..." She shook her head. "We have more chores. I …. I have to go."

She grabbed Santana's hand. "We really need to talk, San. I know you don't want to, but we need to talk," she said carefully.

"I'm not talking about me," Santana started.

"I'm not just talking about you either," Shelby said softly. "Your sister is going to have questions, whether it be today, tomorrow or next week, but we can't keep not answering them."

"She thinks the wrong things, Mom," Sanana spat, taking her hand back. "And I'm not going correct her because they're not even conversations that I want to have. I'm …." she put her hands up. "I'm not doing this." She shook her hand. "Just let me go."

Shelby gave a sigh as Santana moved further away and started to rummage through her bag. She chewed on her top lip wondering if it was too late to step up. She watched her daughter; it wasn't.

"Santana," Shelby said walking over to the door and closing it. "We need to talk."

Santana stayed near the suitcase looking in as if she looked in long enough she wouldn't be with her mother.

"I know that this last week has sucked," she began.

"You really don't," Santana said fiercely as she stood up. "You don't know. You don't know what it's like to have things fall apart after you build them so careful. You don't know how it feels for everything to be out of your control. You don't know. I guarantee that! You don't know what it's like to have your sister come home and it feels like she has regressed eight years." Santana shook her head and said in a dry tone. "You don't know."

"You might think that I see you different but I don't," Shelby said, taking a risk and diving in. She searched her daughter's angry eyes. "But I have a feeling that it's more than that."

Santana shook her head. "Of course, it is," she hissed turning away from her. "Just leave me alone. We need to focus on Rachel right now," she said as she grabbed her sweatshirt. She met her mother's eyes. "We need to focus before we make another mistake."

She walked past her, ignoring her mother's gaze. She couldn't look at her; she couldn't deal with her own guilt, let alone her mother's.

She walked down the stairs with almost an angry stride. She couldn't do this. She really couldn't. She needed to hit something, anything. Her nana saw her look and told her that wood needed stacking. She didn't even to stop to thank her and headed to the sheds. She let her anxiety and fullness focus her as she moved the piles.

She needed to focus on Rachel. She needed to focus on Quinn. She needed to focus on anything but the fact that Rachel would remember, or that Brittany may hate her because of what she wrote in that letter, or that she had been knowingly putting all of her desires on mute so she didn't have to feel and how a kiss and one girl unmuted all of that. She knew... she always had, but she knew it was so much better to give into the person you hoped you could be than the person that you knew that you actually were. She wasn't ready to be honest and in so many ways it wasn't about honesty. It wasn't about bravery or courage or being herself; it was so much more than that cliche. That was only its shell; it was the simple knowledge that she knew she wasn't ready to handle it. She wasn't afraid of who she would become; she was afraid of who she already was.

"I heard something," Griff said carefully coming up behind her.

She huffed. "Fuck what you heard, Griff," she hissed as she continued to stack wood.

"Are you okay?" he asked in an uncharacteristically soft term.

"Stop it! Just stop it!" she yelled throwing a block of wood at him, which he managed to duck. "Butt out, Griffin! I don't need you in my business and I never did! Just butt out! You don't even like me!"

"You're right," he barked. "I don't like you, but I care about you. You're my family and people are saying some crap."

"I don't care, Griffin!" she yelled again. "I really don't care!"

"Clearly, you do," he said. "And you know what? You should."

"Gah! Griffin! Leave! Me! ALONE!" she screamed.

"Griffin, finish the wood please." Santana looked and her nana was standing there as she stood there furiously trying to catch her breath. "Santana, come with me."

Santana took the bundle of wood that she was holding and shoved it roughly into her cousin's arms. She followed behind her grandmother avoiding her eyes.

"I want to talk to you, Santana," the woman said. the teenager deflated. She did not want to do this. As always, her grandmother always knew what she was thinking. "I know you don't want to talk to me about any of this." She shook her head. "Do you remember when you first came to Lima. You didn't trust me. Remember?"

"Of course I do," she said as they rounded the corner. She folded her arms over her chest, suddenly feeling exposed.

"You and I need to talk." Nana's voice was more of a truth than a statement. Santana slightly deflated and folded her arms over her chest. "But," the older woman said. The girl looked up. "Not now. Now, you need to calm down." Santana frowned. "You think I don't know you, Santy, but I do." She sighed. "We need to change some things around here. Your anger scares me and I think it scares you too. Know this, we're going to talk about this." She looked at her before they rounded the corner. "You have operated a certain way about what happened." She watched her granddaughter flinch. "And it's not going to work anymore. Clearly." Santana looked at the ground. She took the girl's hand. "You know I love you, right?" Santana gave the tiniest nod. "I need you to get it though, San." The girl licked her bottom lip as if the tiny action would control her tears. "But for now, I think you need the only thing that we know will calm you."

Nana looked up as they rounded the corner.

"Sanny, look kittens!" Rachel yelled from across the barnyard. Rachel was kneeling with Pop-Pop surrounded but a litter of kittens.

Santana looked at her grandmother. "I know that you're scared for her, San, but you need her as much as she needs you. You've always known what to do with her. However, she's not little anymore and she needs you to be her sister and her friend just as much as she needs you to hold her at night. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She gave her grandmother a sad nod as she watched Rachel smile softly at the kittens as she crawled in her lap.

"I get it," she nodded.

"Sanny, come look at the kittens. I've named this one Snix. Come name one," Rachel called.

Santana gave a deep breath and savored the moment because she was able to put her thoughts on hold again. She nodded thankfully at her grandmother as Rachel came running over to her with a kitten in her arms.

…..

After dinner Quinn sat awkwardly in the living room pretending to read a book as the family bustled around her in the same way that she suspected that they had for years. She and Shelby had a one-on-one as permitted by her grounding. However, when she had entered the room Shelby was staring wistfully out the window at Santana and Helen as they rounded the corner. Quinn knew her mind was with her real family. However, the mother had put on a good show talking to Quinn about how she was settling in Florida. She was sure that there was more of the conversation, but she became distracted. She gathered that the family had been living in this house off and on for years but it wasn't until about six or so years ago that they moved down here permanently.

Quinn Fabray was smart and she knew how to snoop if she wanted to. It was during her conversation that she got a glimpse of something that she made a note to come back to. She and Shelby were dusting in the library and amidst the clutter on the window seat was a stack of old photo albums. Perhaps it was at that moment that Quinn stopped listening to Shelby, but she knew at that moment she became focused on those albums.

Now was her chance to look through them. Everyone was off doing something. Perhaps Rachel was showing them the litter of kittens she found, but she wasn't sure. She knew that her sleuth skills were weak because she had no idea what they were doing, she just knew she was free for a bit.

She eased into the library and sat on the floor behind the tall-backed chair. She just wanted to look. She opened the first album. She was expecting pictures of Noah and Santana and the family from before they moved to Lima. She wasn't prepared for what she found. The food that Shelby had shoveled onto her plate at dinner was now doing flips.

It was pictures of her mother and Joey.

It was an entire album dedicated to Joey's entire junior year of high school. Quinn's mother... No, she shook her head. This wasn't her mother. This was Judy Garner. After the eighth page of laughing candids, Quinn started to feel a deep hatred toward Judy Garner as much as she did for Judy Fabray. People change; people grow apart. However, this felt so different. Before Quinn thought of them as two different people, but at that moment, she realized that they weren't. That's what made her ache. This smiling young, charismatic beauty was the drunk who told her regularly that she was worthless were the same person. Before she was letting her off of the hook, now she wasn't; she refused. She took a picture of her and Joey caught mid laugh out of the album and looked at it. Her mother's smile was the same. There was nothing less haunting in her eyes. Those were still the same. It was the same person.

Quinn felt a lump in her throat. She hated that person, she thought as she ripped up the picture. She ripped it into smaller and smaller pieces. This wasn't just in hatred of her mother, but of herself and what she threw away. Was this her future too? Was she doomed to a life of such bitter angry unhappiness that in a few decades her own daughter would be ripping up pictures of her? Quinn frowned deeper grabbing another picture. Would there even be anyone in that picture? There we so many things that she hated about her mother, but in that moment on the floor of this Florida plantation with a family that wasn't her own, Quinn realized she hated her mother most for being happy. There was an entire photo album dedicated to her mother's happiness. She reached up and grabbed another picture, ripping it in the tiniest pieces possible.

She didn't hear anyone come in behind her or hear them call her name. All she was able to concentrate on was the hatred that burned in her heart for her mother. However, when she felt a pair of warm, gentle arms wrap around her in a hug she leaned in and released the lump in her throat, allowing the tears to flood from her eyes. She didn't see Joey at the door watching tearfully as her mother wrapped her arms around her newest grandchild. They weren't just mourning the loss of who Judy used to be. They were recognizing the sorrow in Quinn's acceptance of everything Judy never was and never would be.

It all lay there scattered in pieces on the floor of the library in the shape of memories.

…..

Noah laid sprawled out on his futon, staring at the ceiling. He had been like that for the past twenty minutes. He was trying to de-stress. He felt a book land on his stomach with a thud.

"Your mom said to give this to you," Griffin said. "And do your chapter review questions."

The other boy plopped down on his futon as Noah sat up and looked at his history textbook. He fanned the pages. This was the last thing that he wanted to do. A letter fell out of the pages and onto the floor. He frowned as he completely forgot to open the letter. He had originally stuck it in there for storage. He wanted to read it when no one was snooping but it was too late. It didn't have a return label and it simply told Puck it's wasn't just a birthday card with money. It was stamped with postage from New York. So many questions and the boy wanted the chance to ask his questions on his own.

"What is that?" Griffin asked looking over at his younger cousin.

"Nothing." He stared at it. He wasn't sure who it was from but he wasn't in the mood to deal with it. So he put it back in the textbook, deciding to let history keep it safe for another day. "It's nothing."

"Noah?" a small voice said from the top of the stairs. He sat up and saw Rachel standing there with George.

"What's wrong, bug? What is it?"

Rachel shrugged. "I just... Can I hang out up here for a bit?"

"Why?" Griffin asked.

"I don't know..." she mumbled. "Nevermind."

"Hey, Rach, forget it come here," Griffin called. "You can hang out."

She walked over to Noah and climbed into his futon and laid her head on his stomach. Noah was trying his best not to show his surprise; this was normally Santana's department.

"You wanna talk about something?" Noah asked carefully.

She shook her head and leaned into her brother's side. "No," she mumbled. "I just wanted to stay here with you."

"Okay," he said soothingly. He felt her small hand on his.

"Does it still hurt?" she asked sleepily as she traced his bruises.

"Nah," he said with tender chuckle. "It's kinda a dull ache. I can kinda feel it but not really."

"Oh," she said still looking at his hand as she allowed herself to relax into the rhythm of his chest, forcing herself to feel safe with him. "I get that."

"You do?" he asked.

She yawned. "Yeah... I do a lot."

…...

Shelby sat with an exhausted sigh in the living room. Everyone was asleep. The house was quiet and the day was over.

"Shelby?"

She let out a groan. "Yes, Mom."

"We need to talk."

Shelby opened her eyes and her brother-in-law, sister and parents were all taking seats casually near her. She couldn't help feel cornered.

"What?" she asked as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"You need us," Joey said.

"Gah," Shelby said not wanting to dive into this conversation.

"Subtle, Joanna," Helen said with an eye roll. "Shel, you have three very angry and confused teenagers right now and a very depressed little girl - I think we need to come up and spend some time in Lima-"

"Mom," Shelby said shooing her head up. "That's really...Joey and Bear have -"

"They work full time or at least they're supposed to," Helen said.

"We don't think that you're incapable as a mother, Shelby," Michael said.

"Well, clearly you kinda do," she scoffed.

"You need to accept some support from us," Helen assured her daughter.

"I am," Shelby said quickly but then recoiled as if she felt as though she were whining like one of the kids. "Joey and Bear help with rides and-"

"We need to..." Helen began.

"You need to, we think," Michael continued. "The kids are on the verge of something big, particularly Sanny. I know you've worked closely with her therapist for years and have established a careful approach to what she endured from that man. However, like Rachel triggers might start going off again. Same with Noah."

"Additionally, with Quinn's trauma being so fresh," Helen said catching her eldest daughter's eyes.

"I get that," Shelby said. "I know they're going through a lot but I just...I'm trying to do best by them."

"We know that, Shelby," Helen said. "We all need a support system and if something happened to Rachel then we really need to create a strong front."

"Go back to how it was before?" Shelby asked quietly.

"No, because things are clearly different, but we want to step up," she said.

"They're not just coming for you," Bear said. "We all need some support right now, Shelby. Think about if it was us." She looked up and sighed knowingly.

"Okay," she whispered. "What are you thinking?"

Michael stood up. "We need to figure out how we're going to approach this. How we really are because this is all going to come out. I can feel it."

They frowned and looked at him.

"What do you mean?"

He paused and looked at the family. He took a deep breath. "My conversation with Rach this afternoon makes me think, allows me to know that something happened."

Shelby felt herself deflate but knew in that moment that she needed the support around her to catch her when she fell.

…...

Quinn looked up at the ceiling. Shelby had checked on them multiple times and she was almost too tired to pretend to be sleeping. She finally heard her descend down the stairs. She felt the bed shift slightly after a few minutes and she heard the window open. She shot up.

"What are you doing?" she whispered into the darkness.

"Calm yourself," Santana whispered and climbed through the window.

Rolling her eyes, Quinn climbed out of bed and followed her. To her surprise, she didn't see Santana descending down the terrace; the girl was just sitting on the roof.

"If you want to come out here you can," Santana said into the darkness, "but you're not going to stare at me like some dead fish in a fish bowl."

Quinn sighed and crawled out onto the roof. "What about Rachel?" she asked after a few seconds.

"I can hear her from here," Santana said with a chuckle. "Trust me. I've done this before."

She leaned back and stared at the stars. Being in the country allowed them to pop so brightly in the sky.

"Have you ever looked at the stars?" she asked the blonde.

"No, not really something that I do," Quinn scoffed looking out onto the moonlight countryside.

She felt Santana yank her back so she was laying back. "Look at the damn stars."

"Why?" Quinn frowned.

"Because it clears your head of everything else... It makes you think your problems are little."

"Well aren't we the poetic one," she murmured.

"I will roll you off this roof," she spat.

"Sure, you will,"she challenged back.

A silence settled over them as they stared up at the sky.

After a few minutes, Quinn heard Santana speak up.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked quietly. Quinn knew Santana saw her emerge from the library earlier that night. They made eye contact but they didn't say anything. She also knew that Santana knew; she knew something no one else in the world knew. And she felt safe and comfortable with that face alongside being terrified.

"No," she whispered. She looked over at her sister in the dark, silently smiling at the unconscious admittance of who was laying next to her. "Do you want to talk?"

"No," Santana said quietly. "But thanks." She said with a small smile in her voice.

"Yeah, you too. Thanks," Quinn murmured.

And so the girls laid there and allowed the omnipotence of the stars carry their unspoken truths away, at least for the night.

**Sorry this took so long everyone. Antibiotics. Yuck. Also, I was again distracted by a later story arch and was writing that. Thank you so much for your patience and continuous support. Sorry this was a little shorter than usual. **

**Please let me know what you think of this chapter. I would greatly appreciate it. **


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31:

Piper – my user name is a childhood nickname that diverged and grew from "bean." …. I'm five feet.

lovecanbesostrange – wow super epic review! What could I possibly say! I am blown away by all that you wrote. I am so happy that you enjoy my story. I am not sure that I can address all that you wrote in your review. Just a couple of things – first and foremost the nickname bugs that I call Rachel is because it is a nickname I have for a very close friend of mine and I just wanted to incorporate it in the story. That being said, you are right child abuse is a very serious topic and I am trying to write this story as truthful and real as possible. This story is NOT for everyone. As you can see in the story even though the same events happened people's perceptions are completely different. They are not right or wrong just different because of what is happening, age of the person it is happening to and a host of other reasons. So much more will be revealed and everyone will see just how much these 3 girls lives are parallel to each other and how they will lean on each other to get through some of the most horrific things and still grow and become well-rounded wonderful adults. I'm glad that Santana is one of your favorite characters. She has had a variety of influences on her that has shaped her and made her who she is. Not just one. Her father being gay didn't "make her gay" but I will be exploring more of her storyline later. Thank for your careful eye to all of the details that I sneak into this story. I try very hard to develop my characters in the most organic way possible. I know that this barely touches your review but I wanted to get this chapter out and your review was really one that I need to dive into and digest. So thank you so so much again. I am truly honored!

needscoffee – They will still try to bond but things get a little rocky in this chapter for poor Quinn. Thanks for reviewing.

Iuterpi – Big step forward for the both of them but there may be a couple of steps back in this chapter and unfortunately it is not anything either of them did – but sometimes other people can get people thinking differently. Thanks for reviewing.

Amandaes417 – I am feeling better – thank you. I am glad you enjoyed this chapter and while it still contained the angst there were some light moments. Unfortunately for Rachel she is going through so much it is going to take her a while to really enjoy herself again. Thanks for reviewing.

BRO – It has only been about a month that Quinn has been living with the Corcorans. Right now I can't honestly how long it will be because the case against her father has not been tried yet nor has her mother complied with anything that she has supposed to be doing to get her daughter back. Basically Quinn is in foster care until these things happen and as long as the Corcorans home is an approved placement for her she will be there for the foreseeable future. There will be many many more Rachel / Santana moments as well as Quinn / Shelby moments. Thanks for reviewing and your question was not silly.

MaJorReader619 – Ok – please sit down and read this chapter as well as the next chapter in a safe place. There is lots more to come out and I do not want to lose one of my dedicated readers. As always, thanks for the reviews.

Scout – You are correct there are many many real life children suffering through this everyday. And in my line of work I see it too much. Even though this happens in real life I hope as a whole my story will show that people are strong and can survive terrible things. Thanks for reviewing.

Tcathing – Sometimes it does take a pair of outsider's eyes to see what is going on but Shelby is on top of things, Rachel just has to open up. But she is 11 in this story and she has been scared into thinking she will lose everything so this is hard for her. Mr. Schue is so cocky right now it could be his downfall. Thanks for reviewing.

Fangirl44 - They are amazing grandparents and they have helped Shelby so much in the past – you will start to see this more and more. Thanks for the review.

MissLauraKinney - This story is really not going to be done anytime soon – I can't have all these things happen and not give proper follow through. Thanks for the review.

SuzQQ – I am not sure that a kitten will come home with Rachel right now. Even though it comforts her she is really not in any position to take care of it and Shelby has her hands full right now so we will wait and see on that one. Nana and Pop-pop may come to Lima but we need to work out the details as to when and for how long and where will they stay now that Quinn is there. Lots to work out but they will try and make it work. Rachel will be close to confessing some of it but she is scared of losing everything – plus now that she doesn't see him anymore she is hoping that it will all go away on its own. Leroy's family is still in the kids lives but it is hard to put them into the story just to put them in if you know what I mean – they need to have a purpose and if the story warrants it – they will. As always – thanks so much for taking the time to review.

Renata – Once again thank you so much for your kind words! Griffin is probably not the best of cousins but he still cares for them he is just all about himself so he has some growing up to do. The author of Noah's letter will be revealed soon. Thank you as always!

broadwaybound2016 I am glad you liked it. Thanks for the review.

Cookie – If you really want to know – please PM me because I don't want you to be confused. More will come out this chapter but they were abused differently and Rachel was 2 ½ so her memory is not the same as Santana's memory and they have never corrected what Rachel thought happened and what actually did happen. All of it was too painful. You are right it has been about not triggering Rachel but Santana has always wanted to just not talk about it and forget about it and now they know that while it was the best approach then it is not the best approach now. The problem is Santana does not want to change that but she really has to. Thank you for your review. I hope this has cleared it up some but if not always feel free to PM me and I will let you know all the details.

Drea LuRuiz – Quinn is starting to finally feel what it is like to have a sister so I don't think she will turn back now but they will always have their feuds – but it will be sisterly feuding now. Thank you for reviewing.

Kimberlli – Yeah it is hard to picture any of the Corcoran / Berry clan as ugly. The antibiotics helped and I am feeling better finally I don't want to go through that again. Thanks for the review. Sit back because while Rachel reveals some it will be a while if at all before she reveals all.

Stevensone – Well I am glad you can feel sorry for Quinn – even if it is a little. I am guessing she is not one of your favorite characters. I myself think it is the way they have ruined her character on the show. How much can you torture one character? Anyway, I do unfortunately see too many of these things in my line of work and it is a extremely sensitive subject but I hope to portray it where even faced with the horrible – anyone can overcome things as long as they have love and strong people around them. Thanks for the review.

Abbie – Dexter is too level headed than that and I think Griffin cares too much about himself to do anything about it so that won't be happening. Thanks for reviewing.

Hazelstar – I promise the author will be revealed soon. It is another added twist. Thanks for the review.

val-cb – There will definitely be more Rach/Quinn/Santana moments – they all share something and need each other desperately. Thanks

Gleek1990 – They still have mischief in them so there will be funny parts throughout and sometimes I find it difficult to write it in because I need to make sure where it will fit. Thanks for the review.

marinka4 – I think you can review as many times as you want but I love it that you take the time to review. Rachel is almost talking but she is not there yet. Thanks

NinjaGleek21 – There will be a day or so that they have no chores but they still are grounded somewhat so they couldn't go a whole vacation without it. But they will have time to relax and unwind a little. Thanks for the review.

Brittana Fan – There will be more and more flashbacks in the chapter and the future chapter because Rachel is remembering and Santana is remembering and while they are recalling the same event – it is seen through different eyes so perception of what happened is different. Thank you for making this one of your favorites. And thank you for the review.

piecesofyourheart – I am glad I have calmed you stomach but hold on because the next 3-4 chapters may cause it to twist and turn again. Shelby has a lot of support and she will need it and depend on it. Thanks for the review.

TommyH – I am glad you like. I love my faithful reviewer and reader!

AcexofxSpades – After feeding these animals Quinn is all about more bacon and more beef! I hope to clear up some of your confusion in the next couple of chapters. If not, please PM me and I will do it there.

btvscharmedgirl – A smiling happy Judy is not something Quinn should ever see – she has made her life a living nightmare. Thanks for reviewing.

OTHangels - I am glad you like the new characters. I enjoy writing them. Thanks for the review.

HIsland429 – I will reveal more what Santana wrote to Brittany in this chapter but it will take some time to reveal all but sometimes people get more confused than anything when things are written but not said. What Santana is trying to say and the way Brittany is interpreting it may be different. You made valid points and while we know that Shelby wouldn't go to jail and even if that happened Bear and Joey would never allow it but looking at it from a scared eleven year old – she does not want to take the chance. Thanks for the review as always.

Ryoko05 – There will be more and more family moments while in Florida and while Nana and Pop pop are not going back to Lima on the same plane they will be there at a minutes notice when needed by Shelby. Thanks for the review.

Filmaddict – I have now added you to the list of the people who want to do bodily harm to Mr. Schue. And when the time comes – you will be free to do whatever you like to him. Thanks for the review. Rachel is trying but she is scared.

Finally to the two Anons that wrote a review that was not really so nice. While I appreciate ALL reviews and never ever expect them all to be complementary everyone has a right to their opinions I am asking you if this story offends you that much, please do not continue to read it. To the one of you that was negatively affected by it – it amazes me that you read the entire story so far. If this was a book, it would have been over 900 pages. I wish it was only my imagination that I was using when writing this story, however, I have unfortunately had to witness some of these horrific events from real life experiences. I have a job – and it deals with helping people overcome these types of events. So at this point – since this story offends you so much – please do not continue to read it.

Chapter 31

**Sorry this took so long everyone. This chapter is very cause and effect, every action has a reaction. **

**Please note that the abuse for Rachel, Santana and Quinn started at different ages and was different types of abuse even though in general terms it was sexual abuse for all the girls and it was done by a parent.**

**Please be aware that this chapter has a HUGE trigger warning. We dive more into the Corcoran's past. Please proceed with caution. This chapter contains several references to child abuse and I cannot stress enough that this chapter and the next couple of chapters are very difficult. I hope this clears up some questions. However, not everything is answered here. Again, please PM me with any specific questions. Further, this chapter and the next are pretty tough and emotional. Thank you again for all of your support. Let me know what you think. **

The next day, they piled into the car. Rachel opted to stay at the farm; however. it was more passive than direct. Quinn rethought the morning. Long story short, Rachel didn't get out of bed. Nana assured Shelby they would have fun. Therefore, they all piled into two cars and were heading somewhere "fun." Because Rachel was home, Santana was grumpy. The more Quinn thought about it she never would have considered that the tough brunette was so attached to her sister. Quinn snuck a glance over at her as they pulled up. Before Quinn never took the time to care about anything Santana related. If she had she would have maybe talked to the tiny girl who always sat in the stands watching practice. Quinn couldn't gather her thoughts as the car came to a stop. She paused and looked around.

She frowned. Seriously? This is what happy families did? For the first time, she didn't feel like she was missing out.

They were at Dinosaur World. Quinn frown. They didn't even have a baby there to be the excuse of them being there. Her eyes narrowed and her eyebrows almost touched because they were furrowed so much. She looked over at Santana, who only shook her head and shrugged. There were large fake dinosaurs everywhere. Quinn shook her head. How did this place make money?

"Let's start over here! I want to look at the Pterodactyls!" Noah said with big eyes.

"No way," Griffin said. "T-Rex is this way."

Noah frowned. "Pterodactyls are SO much better than T-Rex man! They can FLY! And they have razor sharp claws! So they can swoop down and tear a bitch up then waBAM disappear."

Griffin shook his head. "T-Rex will snatch that little bird out of the sky so fast and eat it up!"

Noah shook his head. "Not if they fly super high up!" He sped his voice up and Quinn almost thought the tall tough boy was going to jump to prove his point and exert his excitement. "The Pterodactyl could snatch out the T-Rex's eyes! He'd never even see it coming!" He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "Plus T-Rex has midget arms."

Griffin arched his brow. "Not a chance. T-Rex's are smarter, the dumb bird flies too close." He scoffed and said, "And besides the birds have no hearing, so they wouldn't even hear T-rex coming."

Noah paused, frowned and thought for a moment. Quinn noted that the boy thought too visually. "Pterodactyls have hearing," he finally concluded with a frown. "They screech super loudly to each other."

"I just made that up to see if you were paying attention," Griffin said with a smile.

Dexter walked up behind them. "Alright you two shut up, this is leading nowhere fast. Besides, you are both wrong the Velociraptor is obviously the best." He playfully smacked them both on the back of the head and continued walking past them. "We're going this way. I'm older. Let's go kids." With that the boys led the way deeper into the park.

"What's happening?" Quinn asked out loud as she shook her head.

Clearly this was why they were here. She sneered as they all made their way into the park. Shelby had her arms crossed in front of her as she stared at the plaques in front of each station. Quinn nodded, kicking herself. Of course, there was going to be a test later. She followed close behind Shelby and read each little sign. Why the hell was there so much information about dinosaurs? She read the first one cheap and dirty plaque. 'The heaviest dinosaur was Brachiosaurus at 80 tons. It was the equivalent to 17 African Elephants.' Was that true? 'The smallest fully-grown fossil dinosaur is the little plant-eater Lesothosaurus, which was only the size of a chicken.'How would she remember that? There was no way she could even pronounce that. She looked at another plastic stand thing. 'So far 108 species of dinosaurs have been discovered in Britain. Britain was an important area during much of the Mesozoic Era acting as a 'land bridge' between North America and Eurasia. It became a hotspot for dinosaur evolution and migration.' Wait, what? Quinn never hated something dead and gone as much as she did in that moment.

She looked up and saw the boys taking turns at hitting each other in the back of the head. Santana was trailing slightly behind them and in front of Quinn and Shelby. Joey and Bear were whispering about something a few yards next to them. She wished that Rachel was there to distract her. Mainly because she was the one that always filled these empty pockets of silence; Quinn didn't realize what she was missing until the silence returned. She looked forward and watched the family.

It hit her in that moment. Shelby was alone. Shelby didn't have a Bear. Even her mother in her endless state of miserable unhappiness that only translated in cruelty and ugly bitterness, had her father... She let her thoughts refocus on Shelby. Shelby had no one.

Quinn suddenly felt herself being looked at. "You know you don't have to hang out with me and read these plaques? You can go have fun."

The blonde frowned and looked at her with a confused stare. She laughed uncomfortably. "Have fun?" Her smile faded. "Wait, so you aren't going to quiz us later? We're just here to -"

The boys ran past her arguing about the importance of Velociraptors.

Shelby turned her gaze back to her daughter. "Yes, Quinn, fun." She smiled. "I know it seems kind of silly but it could be fun if you let it."

Quinn looked at her. "But aren't we in trouble. And this place while," she looked around her for non-offensive descriptive words. "Unique. It is educational... Sort of. This should be a learning experience. My father thought that everything had a purpose. When we would go to the zoo or aquarium, it wouldn't be for fun. He used to quiz us afterward on the way home and if we didn't get something right..." Her face fell. She suddenly realized her casual rant had become too revealing.

Shelby shook her head at that absence of Quinn's childhood. "Well, my dear," she said with a smile. While you kids are still in trouble, we're also still on vacation." Santana passed them with her arms folded shouting snarky comments to the boys. She gave Quinn and her mother a slight smile. "Go on." Shelby nodded in Santana's direction.

Quinn bit her lip and looked at Shelby and then looked back at the ground. "I'm sorry about Rachel," she said quietly.

"Quinn, you didn't do anything wrong," Shelby said clearly. "Rachel's the one who lied to us. She didn't want us to know."

"She's eleven," the blonde murmured. "It was someone's responsibility to watch out for her."

"And that's not yours, sweetheart. It's not your burden," Shelby said.

"She's not a burden," she whispered. Quinn sighed and looked around them as they walked ahead silently. "She's going to be okay, right?"

Shelby smiled. "She will be." She took a deep breath. "And so will you, Quinn. You and I have a lot to talk about that we haven't been able to talk about yet."

The sixteen year old girl looked at the ground. "I'm sorry about the pictures," she mumbled.

"It's okay," Shelby said genuinely. "But you and I need to talk, okay? We can't keep waiting for you to have these outbursts. It's okay to have them, but we can also try to prevent them most of the time."

Quinn remained silent. She understood the woman's words, but she didn't want to take the step to live them out.

"Okay," she mumbled.

"But now is not the time," Shelby continued. She watched the girl with a smile as she relaxed. "Go and catch up with the others and relax."

Quinn looked at her and hesitated as if to ask, Who would be with you?

Shelby saw the girl's questioning stare. "Go on," she said. "I'm fine." She looked up. "Santana, Quinn's going to walk with you."

The brunette turned and hollered something after the boys about how there was a reason dinosaurs were extinct.

"What, Mom?" she asked.

"Wait up for Quinn. I want to read some of these things," Shelby said pointing to the signs.

Quinn looked at Shelby one last time before walking ahead. Santana frowned in question. The blonde simply rolled her eyes slightly and shrugged telling the other girl to forget it about it. The two walked quietly together. Each of them knowing that they had too much on their mind to concentrate any energy on being fake.

…..

Nana pulled out of the driveway in the large 1989 Dodge Ram.

Rachel yawned. "Why couldn't I stay home with Pop-Pop?" she asked quietly from the front cab.

"Because you need to get out of the house, bug," she said casually as she turned the corner.

"Mom doesn't like me riding in this," she said in a very Rachel tone. "She really doesn't like any of us riding in it. It's too old and unsafe."

"Well, I'm your mother's mother. I can veto her," Helen said as she drove into town.

"Why didn't we take the SUV?" Rachel asked turning to her grandmother.

"Because I like the truck," Helen said. "Do you want to ask me more questions to distract me from your behavior this morning?"

Rachel looked out the window sullenly. It had been a hard morning. She didn't want to get up and go to Dinosaur World with the other kids and ultimately began to cry about getting up. When Santana was finally able to get her up and into the bathroom to shower and get ready to leave, Rachel grabbed George and ran ahead of Santana. She locked herself in the bathroom. After a lecture from Shelby about how it was important to remove locks from the doors and she should know by now that it was essential, Helen was finally able to calm her youngest daughter down long enough to figure out how to get Rachel out of the bathroom. Ten minutes of silence from the bathroom door, resulted in Bear and Pop-Pop removing the doorknob and lock from the outside. Then it took another twenty minutes for Helen to convince the other children, particularly Santana and Quinn as well as Shelby to continue on their small day trip. The main reason why she was able convince them to leave was because Rachel crawled into the linen closet and fell asleep clutching George.

Rachel avoided her grandmother's gaze. She was embarrassed; she was doing things she didn't quite understand but they seemed to be instinctual.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "But I didn't want to go." She began gaining momentum. "I told everyone that I didn't want to go and no one would leave me alone."

"Rachel," Helen said with a warning tone. "That did not mean for you to act the way you did." She sighed turning into the farmer's market and putting the truck into park. "If you want to be treated as an adult, you need to stop acting like a child."

She chewed her lip. She lifted her head and looked at her grandmother with an indignant front. "I don't want to talk about things and everyone keeps asking me." She looked at her grandmother. "So please, Nana don't do it, too. I agreed to accompany you-"

"You actually did not agree to come," Helen corrected. "You wanted to lay in bed more. I told you you were coming because your grandfather could not watch you while he did his work."

Rachel frowned. "I don't need anyone to watch me."

Helen turned off the ignition and turned to the eleven year old. "Rachel, the big difference with this behavior is it is NOT you."

Rachel turned her head and looked down.

Helen continued. "You know it and I know it."

The tiny girl continued to avoid the woman's gaze.

"Bug, we're worried about you," she said quietly. "Why won't you talk to us?"

"Because," she whispered.

Helen looked at her granddaughter.

"I know that something is wrong and I -"

"Do you love us?" Rachel whispered interrupting her.

"What?" She frowned. "Rachel," she began.

"I know that was...childish...I just... it... seemed right at the time, even though I knew it was wrong," she said quietly.

Helen nodded. "Yes, that's true," she said carefully. "But Rachel, I will always-"

"You love Quinn right? And Sanny? And Noah?" She looked up at her grandmother. "No matter what?"

"Rachel, I love all of you unconditionally. I may not always approve of your choices but -"

"Did you know that... Quinn's daddy hurt her … and Sanny...Something terrible happened to her at school..." Her big brown eyes looked up at her grandmother. "Do you disapprove of those things? What they've had done to them?"

She frowned. Shelby had told her what had happened to both Quinn and then most recently Santana.

"Sweetheart, I love you all so much. I will love you for you. The choices and the decisions you make are your own and while I might not approve all the time of every -"

"So you do," Rachel whispered with a tiny sob. "You disapprove." Her panic parallel with her panicked tone. "You don't love us unconditionally because that's who we are and -"

"Rachel, Rachel," Helen tried to catch this runaway train of a conversation before it crashed. "I love you. I mean I disapprove of your behavior like throwing tantrums or being rude or -"

"But everything is bigger than that! If you don't love Quinn because of how she is now because of her father or love San because she loves Brittany then you certainly won't love me if I-"

Rachel stopped herself and put her hands over her mouth. Her eyes darted back and forth in front of her as if she let a secret slip. She was breathing rapidly.

"Rachel," Helen said. "Rachel."

The tiny girl continued to breathe rapidly as panic seeped from her pores.

"Rachel, look at me," Helen said. "Look at nana." Rachel looked up at her. "Can you take a deep breath for me?" Rachel took a deep breath. "I love you. I love you all so much. Santana and Quinn and Noah and Dexter and Griffin. I love you all for who you are because I know you, whether you guys know that or not." Rachel looked down again. "Rach? Bug? Look back at me. There is nothing you can do that will make me not love you. Do you understand that?"

"You might always think that you love me," Rachel whispered. "But you'll hate me...You'll be disappointed... I can't... I can't..."

Rachel looked up just as an old beat up blue car drove past them. Helen watched her youngest granddaughter and the car and then back at her again. It was as if she was seeing a ghost. If Rachel wasn't panicking, she would have known that that wasn't his car. She would have remembered that his car was different. But she wasn't in that moment. She had accidentally almost told her Nana what happened. She began to cry. She couldn't lose everything. Her grandmother would disapprove of her. That would feel worse. She couldn't do that.

"W-w-we need to go home now," she said with a sob. "Please... Please... I-I-I.. We... need to … we have to go home..."

"Rachel, we just need to run in and get a few things and … "

"No, please," she pleaded. The tears began again. She moved closer to her nana and sat up on her knees, wrapping her arms around her neck. "Please."

Helen looked at where the car just was and tightened her hold. "You need to calm down, bug," she muttered. "Please just breathe, baby." Rachel sobbed. "I just wanna go. Please. Everyone needs to come home. I wanna be home."

She frowned. What was going on?

…...

Santana watched as Noah and Dexter disappeared around the bend with Bear, Joey, and Shelby close behind.

"This is dumb," Santana said as she rounded the corner. "Are we finished yet?"

"No, Buckwheat, we're not," Griffin said with a glare as they entered the Herbivore area.

Santana narrowed her eyes and scowled at the boy.

"What did you call her?" Quinn asked with distaste.

"Buckwheat," Griffin shrugged. "Childhood nickname. You wouldn't understand."

Quinn frowned.

"Listen, she can understand anything," Santana barked. "Stop being a dick."

"Calm yourself, Buckwheat," he hissed with a roll of his eyes. "Back off Fabray. You're not the head bitch here."

"Griffin, I'm serious stop being a dick," Santana said.

"She's a part of the family so I'm going to treat her like it," he said with a casual shrug.

"Clearly, also living up to your reputation," Quinn sneered. "You're a douchebag even to your family."

"You would know about douchebags in your family, wouldn't you, Q?" he asked with a sneer.

"Hey!" Santana scolded pushing him in the shoulder.

"Hey!" he scolded back pushing Santana causing her to lose her balance and fall to the ground.

"You cannot push her!" Quinn yelled pushing Griffin to the ground in front of the Brontosaurus exhibit. She smacked him across the face. "Of all families, you should know that you cannot push your own!" Quinn was losing it. The sane part of her was trying quietly to reel herself back in. However, clearly that part of her was losing out.

"Quinn!"

"Griffin!"

"Quinn, stop," Santana said quickly jumping up to her feet and placing herself between Quinn and Griffin. "It's fine."

"It's not fine," Quinn hissed.

"It is," Santana pushed the stray hair that fell from the blond girl's pony out of her face.

"You're crazy," Griffin said stepping away from the girls.

"Don't call her crazy," Santana yelled as she turned around and slapped him across the face.

"What the hell is going on?" Bear asked as the rest of the family returned. "We could hear you around the corner!"

"He started it," Santana said pointing to Griffin who was gently holding his red cheek.

"I don't care," Shelby said. "Split up please."

"I'm fine," Quinn said with a loud huff. "I just want to walk."

"That's fine, you will and you will walk with me," Shelby clarified. "Let's go."

Shelby walked toward her and Quinn walked ahead, but Shelby stopped her.

"I need to be alone right now, Shelby," she practically spat.

"Well, that's not an option. Your choices are walk with me or sit with me on this bench," the mother said. "Either way you're with me."

Griff gave her a triumphant glare. His mother caught it, but not before Quinn.

"Oh, fuck yourself!"

"You would know wouldn't you!" he yelled back.

The adults glared at Griffin as Quinn deflated slightly and Santana launched toward her cousin.

"You asshole," the brunette barked but was stopped by her mother.

"Griffin!" Joey shouted. "Enough! That was out of line. Apologize now!"

"No way!" he yelled. "I don't trust her! She's Quinn Fabray for God's sake!"

"Griffin, enough!" Bear barked loudly, his deep voice echoed across the park.

Santana was breathing haughtily as she glared at her cousin. She broke her gaze for a moment to notice that Quinn had gone from fuming to silent. She shook her head.

"Griffin, you know nothing," Santana hissed getting back in her cousin's face.

"I know who she is," he began pointing at Quinn, who stood behind them with her arms folded. Shelby was trying to get her attention.

"We taught you better than that," Bear barked. "Apologize!"

"You taught me to protect the family," Griffin argued. "I don't trust her. I don't. I know Quinn Fabray-"

"Bull-shit," Santana said.

"I just..." the blonde whispered. She didn't finish as she stormed off, but Santana didn't miss the tears in her eyes. She started after her but Bear stopped her as she noticed her mother already on the girl's tail as she stormed off. They all watched as the two retreated.

Griffin shot his hand out at Noah. "Come on, man. You know what she's like. Don't tell me you trust her."

"Shut up, Griff," Noah said finally. "I get what you're saying but you're wrong. So shut the hell up."

He looked at his cousin in shock and started to walk away but his mother stopped him.

Joey looked at her son with fuming eyes. "You will be apologizing to Quinn and to Shelby and Santana." She pointed her finger at her son. "You may be in college but you are still my son and I will not put up with that kind of behavior! Ever! Do you understand me, Griffin?"

He gave a slight nod. "Yes, ma'am."

"You need to get off your high horse and learn to treat people with respect!" She shook her head. "Your father is right. We didn't raise you like this. You don't know everything, Griffin, believe it or not. You certainly do not know everyones back stories and how much simple words can hurt. Look at me," she barked at her tall son. "She is now part of this family and you needs to adjust the attitude. Do you hear me, Griffin Michael Carlson?"

He gave a smug but embarrassed look. Not only was his father, brother, and cousins watching him being scolded by his five foot five mother but he spotted quite a few passer-byers eagerly watching the scene unfold as well. "Yes, ma'am."

Santana looked over her shoulder at her brother and they exchanged a knowing look. She shook her head and started toward the direction that Shelby and Quinn went.

"San, come with me please," Bear called. Santana looked at her uncle and walked in his direction as he turned to his youngest son. "We'll talk later," he said to Griffin. He shook his head. "I can't right now, Griff. I …" He shook his head again. "Yeah, later. We'll talk later."

He walked toward his niece. "What was that about?" Bear asked Santana as they left the group.

"Your son was being a dick," she hissed.

"I know," he said. "But...you were being perfectly nice?" he asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.

"He can't say those kinds of things," she hissed.

"I know, San," he nodded. "We will talk to him about it." He took a deep breath.

She interrupted him. "Please don't ask me if I'm okay." She put up her hands. "I'm not doing this right now."

"Sanny, you know how much I love you but we are. We're talking about this," he said in a gentle tone.

Santana shook her head and frowned, but remained silent.

"Rachel needs you-"

"Then why did you drag me out there?" she asked as she leaned in with a frown with her hands in the air.

"She needs you," Bear continued. "And that means you can't be like this. You're not here for her."

"Are you kidding here?" she asked. She put her hand on her chest. She shook her head as her brows furrowed. "How can you say that? I have always been there for her."

"You have also always been there for her to protect her," he said patiently. He had been trying to put together his words for awhile. "She doesn't need that."

"Isn't the the pot calling the kettle black?" she asked.

"She needs you to be her sister and her friend not her protector," he explained.

"I don't understand," she said. "This … God, this just doesn't make any sense. Can we just go back to the farm?"

"No, San," he said. "This needs to come out."

She stopped and searched his eyes. "What?" she frowned, narrowing her eyes. She shook her head when she realized what he was talking about. "We're not... No. She's eleven years old. I'm not talking to her about that. I'm not talking to her about any of that. If she remembers... well... then... yeah... but..."

"She's worried about you," Bear said. "She knows what happened at school and you won't talk about it."

"Well, I'm worried about Quinn and you don't see me holding hands with her asking her about her feelings," she said looking back in the direction that Shelby and Quinn went.

"They need you as much as you need them," he said bringing her attention back to him. He gave her a grin. "I know you do. You may not be ready to talk to her, but she needs you to take that step."

Santana looked away and down at her hands. "I want it all to go away," she whispered. She shook her head. "It's been long enough. Hasn't it?"

Bear looked at his niece. He licked his lips and said, "You spent these eight years trying to forget and Rachel has spent it trying desperately to remember." He saw her eyes fill with tears. "It's not going to go away, Sanny." He ran his hand through his thick, short hair. "She's scared."

"I know that," she said cutting him off. "Wait, which one?"

He gave a tiny smirk. "Both of them." He took a deep breath. "What Griff said was wrong.-"

"No shit," she murmured.

"You're lucky that we don't have your swear jar here," he said but continued. "I don't need you to be perfect, San, I just need you to try."

"I don't even want to do that," she said quietly.

He wrapped her in a hug. "I know," he whispered kissing the top of her head. "Do you think you can lay off my son for a bit?"

"Only, if he's not a jerk," she said leaning into him.

"Out of all of us, you are the best one to make Rachel tell us what is going on," he said.

"I know something happened," she said more to herself than her uncle.

He went on. "You are older and you need to approach this differently. Its not working anymore and we all know it." He searched her eyes. "We're all here for you. You know. I know you don't want to talk about things but -"

"I really don't," she whispered.

"We love you. So so much," he said.

She gave a nod. She knew that, but for all her problems that seemed to way weigh her down in that moment, being loved or not loved wasn't the issue.

…..

Shelby followed Quinn as fast as she could and watched with heartache as the girl collapsed onto the bench.

"Leave me alone," she hissed.

Shelby ignored her and wrapped her arms around her. Quinn tried to push her away.

"Don't listen to him. He's scared for reasons that don't have to do with you," Shelby said hugging the girl.

Quinn pushed her away more aggressively. "Go away," she said. "He's right. I'm not a part of this family." She looked at the mother with tears running down her face. "I told you that." She frowned. "Why didn't you listen to me?"

"Quinn, he's wrong," Shelby said cupping her face. "It's not true."

The blonde girl frowned and pushed her away with more force. "Why would you want me? I'm just some damaged charity case, remember? They make Lifetime movies about kids like me!" She shook her head with anguish and she pushed Shelby away again. "Just leave me alone! Please! Just stop trying so hard." She looked at her fiercely. "I'm embarrassed for you!" She scoffed. "I mean really. What are you trying to accomplish?" She scoffed as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I mean really? Who are you really trying to save? Rachel's at the farm and you're here." She shook her head. "I'm not your kid!" She put her hand on her chest. "Stop pretending that I am."

Quinn used the back of her hand to wipe her tears.

"Quinn, you are just as much as my daughter as Santana and Rachel," she said lowering her gaze to meet her eyes.

"Griffin was wrong and he will apologize," Shelby said.

"I don't need an apology from him," she spat with worn eyes. "I need an explanation from you. He was the one that spoke the truth. You're the one that's still living a lie." She shook her head.

Shelby didn't hate her nephew. However, in that moment she felt so angry and mournful for the loss of what his simple and indirect words had done to the foundation that she had built. It may take months to build something but it only takes seconds to destroy it.

"Quinn," Shelby started again. "You're not a charity case. You are just as much my child as Noah, San and Rachel." She took Quinn's hands. "I didn't need to learn to love you. It's not a chore or a task. It just happened. You can't earn it or take it back. It just happened." She brought Quinn's chin up so that she met her gaze. "And I know that you don't believe any of that. I know that this isn't want normally happen with foster placements, but stop comparing because this is you and me. And I … I can't imagine my life without you." She pulled the girl into her arms. "So, I'll do everything I can to help you believe that."

Quinn collapsed into Shelby's embrace. She didn't have the fight left in her; however, it didn't mean that she believed her. Not one bit.

…..

They arrived back at the farm about an hour later. Griffin offered an apology to Quinn but Quinn just nodded, clearly not caring. Like she told Shelby, she didn't care. Santana walked through the door first and noticed Rachel asleep sitting up on the sofa in the family room with the nebulizer mask on as the movie continued to play quietly in the background.

"What happened?" Shelby asked as she and Quinn entered the room. Santana wrapped her arm around Rachel.

Helen entered the room. "We had a bit of a day, too," she said.

They all looked at each other as the others trailed in. Shelby looked at her mother with an exhausted sigh as Quinn started toward the stairs.

"Quinn, stay down with everyone else please." The girl frowned, but conceded as she sat in a s sofa chair next to the couch where Noah had taken a seat in the family room. She watched wistfully as Griffin and Dexter followed their mother back out to the farm as Joey explained about the importance of respect.

Shelby turned to her mother as she followed her into the adjoining kitchen, leaving the kids in the family room. She kept glancing over her shoulder as if expecting to miss something. However, she remembered her mother's words and how they caught her off guard. "Explain, please."

Helen sighed and looked over her shoulder as Noah and Quinn began to watch another movie as Santana turned off the nebulizer and took the mask of Rachel's sleeping form. Their attention wasn't on them and that's what she needed.

"First of all," her mother said quietly to her. "Do you know anyone who drives an old blue sedan?"

Shelby Corcoran frowned and turned her attention back to her mother. "Yes... why?"

Helen took a deep breath. "Let's sit down."

After a cup of coffee and a thorough explanation, all Shelby could do was sit there with her head in her hands. Her brother-in-law and father stood against the old wooden cabinets, caught up in their own thoughts. She glanced back into the family room and watched her four kids sit together idly, all exhausted in their own world. She caught sight of the monkey in the crook of Rachel's sleeping arm. She never thought that eight years later that would still be there.

_Shelby trudged around her upper east side apartment. This was it, the moment of truth. A tiny part of her missed the brownstone that she and Leroy used to share with the kids. However, as soon as it became his and Leroy's home, and especially now months after the events that shaped their lives, she wanted her children to have nothing to do with it. _

_She rounded the corner. Her mother sat with the kids as they watched a movie on television. _

"_Rachel?" Shelby asked as she motioned for her youngest to come and see her at the table in the kitchen. _

_The toddler looked up at her and gave a grin with her pacifier still in her mouth and then looked back at Santana who sat next to her. _

"_Rachel, come here for a second," Shelby said. "Today's the day." _

_Shelby smiled and her baby girl stood up and walked toward her with a slight trepidation. Shelby forced her smile to her eyes as she picked Rachel up and sat her in her lap. She was still so gentle with her, even though the doctors said that she was fine. _

"_So, baby bug, do you remember what we talked about yesterday?" Rachel smiled around her pacifier again. She nodded. "Will you tell me about it?" The toddler's smile disappeared and she shook her head. "Well," Shelby said still with a slight smile. "I told you that today was Binkie Day." _

_Rachel nodded. Shelby watched her three year old carefully. It had been six months since the kids had been rescued. They had been in the system, through the system and out again. Still, Rachel had her pacifier. It practically limited Rachel's talking. She and Leroy talked about how they were overdue on weaning her off of the pacifier before Shelby left for London, but they didn't get to that. _

"_So," Shelby explained. "The Binkie Fairy is going to come today." _

_Rachel's eyes widened in surprise. She looked around from where she sat in Shelby's lap. _

"_You can't see her though," Shelby went on. "You need to say goodbye to your binkie and put it someplace safe and then the binkie fairy will take your binkie to where all the other binkies go." _

"_They -" Noah started from the couch. _

"_Hush," Helen said from the living room. _

_Shelby went on. "So you need to put your binkie on your bed and then we have to let the fairy come into the room and take it." Rachel looked up at her with a frown and a tilt of her head. "Fairies can't be seen or else they can't do their magic." The toddler nodded and looked over at the couch at Noah and Santana for verification. Her big brother and sister nodded. "So are you ready to say goodbye to binkie?" _

_Rachel bit her bottom lip and looked up at her mother she slowly took her pacifier out. "Here," she said quietly. _

_Shelby smiled. "Let's put it on your bed together and then we'll take a walk and come back and see what the fairy left." _

_Rachel took her hand and they walked down the hallway. Rachel put the pacifier back in her mouth for the short walk as if to say one last goodbye. When they got to the girls' room, Rachel looked up at her mother for instruction. Shelby knelt down in front of her. "This is a very big girl thing to do. I'm very proud of you. I think you are ready for the Binkie Fairy to come do you?" Rachel gave a hesitant nod. "I think you are. Okay, so if you put your Binkie right here when we walk down to my room and back it'll be gone. Do you understand, Rachel?" _

"_No more, binkie," the three year old explained around the pacifier in her mouth. _

_Shelby chuckled. "That's right." She kissed her softly on her forehead. "You ready?" _

_Rachel nodded and frowned as she took her pacifier out and laid it on her bed that she never slept in. She took her mother's hand and allowed herself to be removed from the room. Shelby walked her to the end of the hallway. She snuck a glance down at the girl. She looked so pensive as if she was unsure of her choice. She was so used to seeing Rachel with her pacifier in her mouth that she looked different without it. They returned to the girls' room and Shelby had to muffle her chuckle when the three year old gasped at the wrapped present that lay where the pacifier had been placed. _

"_Mumma, she came! The fairy came!" _

_Shelby led Rachel over to the bed and they opened the gift together. It was a Curious George monkey. Its size was big enough for Rachel to snuggle but not too small for her to lose. _

"_Look," Rachel said with a smile as she held it up. _

"_What a lucky girl, bug," Shelby whispered. Rachel crawled into her mother's lap with her monkey close in her arms. "What will you call your Curious George?" _

"_George," Rachel said with a grin as if that was obvious. _

_Shelby laughed. "Of course." _

That darn monkey. Rachel had been so careful with it for the past eight year, but the fact that it was still around made Shelby ache.

"Shelby?"

The mother looked up at her own mother and forced herself to resoak in the information she was just told. She looked at her brother-in-law who was on the phone talking to someone. Then she looked over at her father who was staring at her expectantly. She knew that Rachel needed to feel safe.

Rachel looked around. She had woken up about five minutes ago. She was leaning into Santana's side and Noah and Quinn were sitting there as they all watched a movie. She could see her mother, uncle and grandparents talking in the other room.

"Rachel?" Shelby asked coming into the room getting everyone's attention. "Can we talk to you?"

Noah and Quinn stood up. "I want them to stay," Rachel said. "I don't need to talk."

"We need to talk about what happened before while you were with nana," Shelby said. Rachel deflated. "Do you still want your sisters and brother to stay?"

"Actually," Quinn began.

"I want them to stay," Rachel said. She shook her head. "I was tired... I just... I … I was tired."

"That may be true," Shelby explained, "But we want you to know that you have nothing to be worried about." She looked over at Bear to step in.

"Bug, I called Gus and we checked Will's car is still there in Lima," Bear explained. "You have nothing to worry about."

Rachel shook her head frantically. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Rachel, you started having a panic attack when you saw that old beat up blue car," Helen said from the kitchen.

"No, I didn't," Rachel said quickly. She looked at everyone's look of baffled confusion. "I'm fine now."

Bear looked at her gently. "Rachel, he's not going to hurt you here or ever again."

"I-I-I didn't say that he hurt me," she said looking at everyone in the room. "I didn't."

Santana, Noah, and Quinn exchanged looks. Quinn shook her head and opened her mouth to say something but Shelby stopped her by exchanging a look with the blonde as well Bear. She took a deep breath.

"Rachel, we're just going off based on what Nana said," Shelby said. Rachel looked over at her grandmother and bit her lip.

"I … I … Um..." Rachel felt weak as she tried to gather her words. It was Sunday... Mr. Schuester had... she trailed off in her head. It had happened on Thursday. She hadn't even lasted a week. How was she supposed to keep this us for the rest of her life? She felt her chest clench. She frowned. The rest of her life? Would Mr. Schuester do that to her for the rest of her life? She felt an arm around her hold her more tightly and she flinched.

"It's just me," Santana whispered next to her.

"I feel safe here," Rachel said looking at everyone. "I … I do..."

Shelby looked at her father and gave a glimmer of hopelessness.

Michael stepped forward. "Alright, Rach," he said. He could see that Rachel was clamming up yet again. He knew there was only so far they could push her before she clammed up completely.

…...

Quinn had been given the task of washing vegetables. Shelby kept giving her things to do. It was as if the woman knew that Quinn just wanted to roll up and hide alone and because of that knowledge Quinn was kept in Shelby's eyesight. She understood that perhaps she was the girl on the edge and appreciated that Shelby was allowing her to get out of a heart-to-heart. However, in exchange, she was on high alert. She was being forced to keep busy instead of being forced to talk and she was having a hard time appreciating it.

"How's it going?"

She looked up and Helen next to her. "Fine, ma'am," she said casually.

"Quinn, you don't need to call me -"

"I beg your pardon," Quinn interrupted, barely looking up from her task. "But I am a guest and you are my host and I-"

"You are not a guest. You are as home as much as the others," Helen started again.

"This is not my home," the blonde interrupted. "I appreciate your hospitality, but -"

"It's not -" Helen began again.

"Mom," Shelby called from across the kitchen, where Rachel and Santana stood next to her. "Leave her be please."

Helen sighed and walked away from the girl. Quinn knew that woman was trying, but she was tired of people trying. She just wanted what she expected. She wanted them to give up on her. As if on queue, Griffin walked through the kitchen with his father behind her. She concentrated on the onions she was chopping as if was a difficult task. She never thought in her life that she would be hiding in Griffin Carlson and Santana Corcoran's grandparents' kitchen. However, here she was. As her mind began to overflow again, she was interrupted. Rachel pulled the counter stool up to her.

She gave a slight smile. "Hey, bugs," she whispered. She was now starting to get how this kid lightened up Santana's face.

"Hi," Rachel whispered. "I'm supposed to help you."

Quinn nodded and handed Rachel an onion and a knife.

"Sanny told me what Griff said to you," she said suddenly. Quinn felt off-guard again. Concentrate on the onion, she told herself. "You are my family," Rachel said quietly, pretending to concentrate on her own onion. Quinn hated how much she had let Rachel in but she couldn't push her out, not even if she wanted to. She watched from the corner of her eyes. Rachel looked down at her onion. "I need you here," she whispered.

The older girl took a deep breath. She set down her knife and stopped pretending that her onion had her attention. She turned to Rachel. "I may not be here forever," she said and hated herself a little bit more as Rachel's face fell. She went on. "But I will always protect you, okay?" She gave her a little smirk. "You're like the kid sister I never knew that I wanted." She took a deep breath. "But you need to know that you need to worry about yourself because I can't guarantee I am always going to be here." She took a deep breath as Rachel started making that face again. "I know you're afraid of being alone, but in some ways we all will eventually. People won't always be there to catch you." Even though Rachel's eyes were watering, she couldn't stop herself. "You need to know that. I will do my best but there are only so many things out there that I can control." She tried not to feel terribly as Rachel looked at her with big tear-filled eyes. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Rachel nodded tearfully. Quinn couldn't read the eleven year old, but she could read Santana's look across the kitchen.

"Rach? You okay?" Shelby called.

"I understand," she muttered.

Crap, Quinn thought realizing she messed up with the one of the few people in this world she didn't want to fail.

"Rach," she said. "I'm -"

"I get it," Rachel muttered.

"Rachel?" Santana called from across the room.

Rachel looked down at her onion allowing the onion to be an excuse for her tears. She wasn't going to be the one that broke up her family; she wasn't going to be the one that pushed Quinn out.

…..

They always did a barbecue. The family was settling in the backyard around the fire pit. Everyone was clearly caught up in their own minds, but the cookout served as a kind of relief from that. However, hours later besides the relief, they were all back in their heads.

Santana lay in the darkness staring up at the top bunk. Everything from their days seems like so much heavier. Everyone was telling her the truth had to come out while the irony of her life was that part of her secrets were already exposed. She felt split out everywhere. She was lying if she said she was torn. She didn't want to put out the truth. Her uncle was right. She has spent the past eight years just trying to forget while everyone was just trying to cope.

The small body in her side shifted.

"No, no," she murmured. "Please. Please. No."

She maneuvered so that she could soothingly move Rachel's sweat-matted hair off her face.

"Rachel, wake up," she whispered. "Come on, bug."

"Please, let go," she whimpered in her sleep.

_Rachel felt trapped. She was trying to push out of Mr. Schuester's office. She couldn't get out despite how much she pushed on the door. She sobbed when she saw that there was no door handle. She felt herself being yanked back and pushed onto a table. She could hear a belt being removed. She tried to push herself away but she was held down. She heard the belt swing through the air, but she didn't feel its sting. She felt herself being yanked around again. She couldn't escape the grip around her. She was being pulled down the hallway in New York _

_She shook her head and tried to escape. All that room brought was pain. She didn't want to be in there. She couldn't. _

_Suddenly she was pulled back in again to the music office. She let out a sob as she was pushed down. She saw him on top of her. She tried to push him away. She couldn't...It was just like before. _

"_How's my good girl?" he said with a smile as he released himself from his pants. "Now, it's time for you to be mine," he whispered as he leaned down. She tried to push him away. There was a pressure on her chest. She sobbed. He leaned up but it wasn't Mr. Schuester anymore. It was Papa Hiram. She shook her head. His face changed again. It was both of them. They were one. _

"_Please," she begged. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please no." She tried to push on their chest. The person on top of her was now Mr. Schuester. He smiled and leaned down and all she could do was sob. _

Rachel jumped awake. Instantly, she began to cry. Instantly, she felt arms hold her.

"No," she sobbed pushing them away causing her to fall off of the bed. She scrambled across the floor on her hands and knees. "No, please," she sobbed.

"Rach," Santana called out to her and started toward her as the bedroom door swung open.

Rachel then cowered away from the door. "No, no," she whispered.

Santana saw her mother at the door. "Come on, bug," Shelby said taking Rachel's hand. "Come on," she soothed.

Santana stood and started to follow. Shelby shook her head, noticing that Quinn was fast asleep and even snoring, wondering how the blonde was still asleep. "Go back to sleep, San," she whispered as Rachel clung to Shelby's side. "Go to sleep," Shelby said taking Rachel out of the room.

She watched as they disappeared out the room leaving her alone with a snoring Quinn. She squeezed her eyes shut wondering what Rachel was remembering. She leaned her head back against the pillow. She knew exactly what she could remember.

_Hiram closed the door with Rachel still in his arms. He set her roughly in the chair. _

"_Stay," he said. Santana couldn't help but frown at him. She wasn't a dog. _

_The tiny toddler sat but looked at Santana desperately for some kind of sign that it was okay. Santana gave her a soft smile, hoping to calm her own nerves. Santana looked back at him, unsure of what to expect. It had been a week. He hadn't touched her since … that first time. She didn't even know how to describe what he did. She didn't know what it meant. She shivered as he began to unthread his belt. _

"_Santana, you're the one being punished," he said in a low tone. "You need to learn your place." _

_She told herself before that she was going to be strong and she was. She looked over at Rachel. She had to be. _

_Hiram nodded in Rachel's direction. "Take off her clothes and then take off yours."_

_With shaky hands, she complied. Rachel looked up at her with such trust that she could only smile back. She was thankful that the tiny girl remained quiet. However, even Santana's eight year old mind, realized that her silence wasn't a good thing; Rachel had gotten used to this process. It had been barely a month since they were left with him and she was used to having her clothes removed. _

"_Come back over here," he ordered the moment she was finished. _

_She turned around and felt tears instantly sting her eyes. He had released himself from his pants. Santana had seen her big brother naked but she had never seen a man. Hiram's eyes looked hazy because they were half closed as he touched himself. Santana shook and looked and him, unsure of how she would protect Rachel from that. _

"_I said, get over here," he barked. He reached out and grabbed her arm swatting her on the backside, forcing her to lift from the ground slightly. _

Santana's eyes popped open. She swallowed back her fear. She wasn't going to remember that. She wasn't. She couldn't be there and she refused to let Rachel be there. Crawling out of her bed she opened the window. She needed the stars; she needed to be far away. She crawled out of the window until morning.

….

Quinn pulled the bail of hay into the barn and tossed it unceremoniously into the stall. The whole morning had been a blur. She had awoken rested and the sun was high in the sky. She had slept again. She had the same feelings she had the morning before. It felt alien and strange and she wasn't sure how to take it. Why was she sleeping? Was it Florida? Was it the grandparents? What was going on?

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked looking up at her.

"Nothing," Quinn said shaking her head.

"You're lying," Rachel said instinctively with a small smirk.

The older blonde looked at her and paused. Rachel understood the irony of her own words. Quinn was looking at her as if to ask who the real liar was.

"I … just... um... I mean... " She trailed off.

"Rach," Santana called out from behind her. "Go get another bail. The sooner we finish with this the better."

The smaller girl nodded and exited the barn to fetch another bail.

"You gotta stop doing whatever it is you're doing," Santana said as she moved down the ladder from the hay loft.

Quinn shrugged. "I … I don't know what I'm doing." She frowned. "You seem grumpier than usual. What's your dish?"

"Nothing," she frowned.

The blonde bit her lip. This wasn't her home; this wasn't her family. Nevertheless, she was in debt to them.

"Listen, I …." she began as she looked over her shoulder to make sure that Rachel wasn't coming. She was still outside at the truck talking with Dex and Noah. "I never... thanks for … not telling anyone about... what happened at school.

Santana gave a nod and shook her head. "Don't worry about it." Quinn watched silently as the brunette peeled off her gloves, gathering her words. "Mom didn't forget about …. you know...," she moved closer to the girl. "The pregnancy thing," she finished. She regretted her words as she watched the blonde deflate. "I just...She doesn't forget anything... She's worried about you."

"Well, I'm not her problem," Quinn said sharply. She looked up and watched Rachel drag in another bail of hay as if it were made of cement. "I'm not the one she should be focusing on," she said more quietly.

"Do you want me to help you bring it up to the loft?" Santana asked.

"Let her do it," Quinn encouraged. "You got this, right, Rach?"

Rachel looked up at Quinn. Perhaps more years would have allowed Rachel to see that Quinn was helping her become more independent. However, her confused eleven year old brain felt like the blonde was trying to push her away. She nodded and continued the task of bringing the bail up to the loft.

Quinn pinched her eyebrows and looked back at Santana who was still staring after Rachel. "I mean clearly she has her own daughters to worry about."

Santana turned ninety-five percent of her attention back to Quinn while the other five still perked her ears up for Rachel.

"What?" she asked with a frown, jutting her head forward. She saw Quinn's eyebrow arch and nod. "Oh," Santana murmured . "That. I didn't expect your approval, Quinn, it's just-"

"I don't disapprove," Quinn said cutting her off.

Santana frowned and looked at her. "Rachel, stay up there for a sec," Santana called. She kept her eye contact with the blonde. "I hid four kittens up there."

"San!" she whined and began to search through the hay loudly.

"Listen," Quinn said shaking her head. "I told Brittany this... but... you two are the closest things I have to friends." She took a deep breath. "You're the closest thing I have to anything." She gave a small nod of her head. "I may have been raised to believe that that's wrong, but honestly, I was told everything was wrong. They screwed up because I don't think that it is. It just... it is... You know."

"You make no sense," Santana said shaking her head. "But yeah," she chuckled. "I think I get it." Santana looked up at the loft and then back at Quinn. "I don't know what I'm thinking... or feeling or whatever. But thanks..." She frowned. "Also, I see what you're doing. You're letting my douche cousin get to you and you're pulling away." Quinn searched her eyes, confused. Santana went on. "Knock it off. Seriously. He's stupid and wrong."

"It's not about right or wrong. It's how he feels. It's his instinct," Quinn said refocusing on shoveling out the stall.

"Well, if we go on first impressions," Santana said with a smirk. "I threw a lamp at you and look where we are. Happy and shit."

Quinn shook her head and scrunched up her nose as they cleaned out the horse stall. "Yeah, and shit."

Santana chuckled. "She wants to worry about you," she said quietly as they continued to shovel. Quinn looked at her. "My mom that is. She's not going to stop either. She's worried about you and what happened." They avoided each other's eyes. "I won't tell about …. who the …." Quinn shot her a look telling her she didn't need to complete her sentence. Santana went on. "You'll need to, though. Eventually."

Quinn felt a weight on her chest. No one ever knew the truth about the pregnancy and the father. Now Santana knew and here they were literally shoveling horse shit talking about it.

"Can we please not?" Quinn snapped.

"I'm just saying that you can't …. I know that this is hard.-"

"Bull shit," Quinn hissed. Santana had no idea; she didn't live her life; she hadn't been the one that was pregnant and then not pregnant by the man that was supposed to teach her to ride a bike. Quinn bit her lip. She still didn't know how to ride a bike. "I said we're not talking about this." The blonde shot her a look. "Either shut up or we'll talk about you."

Santana frowned. "Fine," she said, giving in.

"Santana?" Rachel called from the loft. "There are no kittens up here."

"Are you sure?" Santana asked.

"Yes," the younger girl called from the loft.

Santana shrugged. "Maybe I just dreamt that I hid them up there. Sorry about that, Rach."

"Santana!" Rachel whined from the loft.

Quinn shook her head. "That was mean," she said trying to conceal her smirk.

They continued quietly with their chores. Santana kept watching Quinn carefully wondering how sixteen years as a Fabray allowed her to be so stoic. Perhaps it forced her to be. However, Quinn Fabray wasn't one to crumble; she wasn't one to give in. She spent a lot of energy her freshman year hating the blonde, but Santana realized in that moment as they shoveled shit together that what she had been really trying to do was shut herself off like Quinn had been able to. She just didn't see it like that. Instead, she actively disliked her.

Watching Quinn struggle had been a series of hard, inarticulated experiences. How could anyone cope with that? How do you relate to that? Can you find connections through brutality? It wasn't about being better or healing. It was a club. And you can't be in it until you're in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize. But until you feel it, you were on the outside of it. She looked up and Rachel was pretending to not look for kittens. Her uncle had been right. Rachel had spent the past eight years trying to remember and she tried to forget.

She frowned and looked at Quinn.

It hit her. It hit San like a punch in the gut.

She was the one on the outside. Not Rachel. Santana and Quinn were left with the burden of remembering and that set them apart, but Rachel and Quinn had a connection that Santana didn't.

They were both used repeatedly by their 'fathers.'

Santana only knew some about Quinn. However, she knew her experiences. She knew Rachel's experiences, even though Rachel didn't. It hurt too much to think about but still she couldn't stop the memory invading her mind.

_Eight year old Santana peaked around the corner. There were visitors from the police station here to talk to her again. She had not been in the home for more than a few days. She hadn't seen Rachel yet. Noah had but she had messed that up because she threw a tantrum and missed her ride. Maybe the police were going to bring her to her favorite and only sister. _

"_Hi, Santana," a woman said rounding the corner. _

"_Hi," she said quietly._

"_My name is Ellen. I'm a police officer." She showed her her shiny badge. Can you and I talk?" _

"_I guess so," she shrugged. The woman sat down next to her. _

"_I have a few questions about Rachel," the woman said. "Can you tell me about your sister?" _

"_She's a baby," Santana frowned. "Sort of," she shrugged. "She'll be three next week. She's really smart but she doesn't talk very much anymore." _

"_Yeah?" the woman asked. "Do you know why?" _

_Santana bit her lip. She did but she didn't know how to explain it. "He hurt her and she stopped talking." _

"_Hurt her how?" The lady asked gently. _

_She frowned and looked at her hands. She didn't know how to tell the lady about what she had been forced to do or how she found blood in Rachel's diaper... or about that last night. She didn't understand it. _

"_He took her to the room," she heard herself whisper. "To change her diaper." _

"_Do you know what happened in there?" _

_Santana shook her head. She remembered hearing Rachel's cries in that room. She always cried in that room. _

"_She cried," she said quietly. _

"_Do you know how often Rachel went into that room?" Ellen asked carefully. _

"_Every day," Santana said without hesitation. "Sometimes twice a day." _

_Ellen took a deep breath but went on. "How often did she cry?" _

_Santana frowned and watched the older woman. "Every time," she whispered. _

_She felt her breaths in her chest hitch. She had only been in that room five times. She had counted. She remembered each time vividly. She stared at the woman and felt her heart beat faster. She finally understood what the woman was saying. Rachel had gone in that room and cried every time. They lived with him for almost two months. Rachel cried every time. Santana felt tears flow down her cheeks. She couldn't count that high in her head. She didn't know how to do multiplication in her head. _

Santana stumbled back. Rachel couldn't remember that. Rachel knew she had been severely hurt. She lived that part, but her brain had protected her from the daily occurrences. He admitted in court that he hurt her more than Santana. The older girl remembered reading what he had said in newspaper article that someone left laying around. She wasn't supposed to read it, but she did. And the line had stayed with her.

"_Rachel was my prize. Santana was my game," Irving explained with lost eyes. _

Santana looked over at Quinn. Quinn and Rachel had to deal with this daily. She knew that Rachel had been held down and brutalized daily. She knew she didn't realize it was bad until she found the diaper full of blood. She knew she was stupid to think it was the same injury when everyday after that there was blood every time she checked. She knew now that she was older that Hiram had used objects and his hands to 'ready' Rachel. He didn't use...Santana felt bile in her throat... He didn't take her completely in every sense of brutality until that night, until he tore her apart. Santana squeezed her eyes shut as she gripped the shovel harder. But interweaving what you initially understood when you were eight years old with what you finally allowed yourself to see at sixteen took so much that she couldn't help but feel raw, exposed and more confused. Santana never had their experiences. Not even close. She shook her head. This couldn't be her internal monologue. She couldn't think about this. She couldn't think about what was or what happened. She picked up her shovel that she hadn't realized that she dropped.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked. Santana felt like she was in too much of a fog to hear it.

Just shovel the shit, Santana coached herself.

However, it didn't work, her mind went back to the same moment that she was trying her best to forget the night before.

_Santana bit her lip to keep in her cry. Hiram had large, rough hands and they hurt as she was hit. _

_He used both of his hands and put them on either side of her head, lacing his fingers behind her neck. He bent down so he was at eye level with her. _

"_You're going to do what I tell you, you hear?" he said shaking her head. She looked back at him but didn't answer. He shook her head again. "You hear?" Santana's teeth rattled slightly. She wondered if Rachel's and Noah's did too with Hiram shook them. _

"_Y-y-yes," she stuttered. _

"_Good," he said straightening back up to standing. "Open your mouth." _

_She looked up at him in fear and didn't move. "Fine," he hissed. He pushed her away and went over to Rachel grabbing her from where she sat while simultaneously picking up the belt he just took off. "Every time you don't listen, she gets ten." _

_Before Santana could say anything, before she could move, Rachel was pinned face down over the chair silently crying as he rained the belt down on her backside. _

"_I'm sorry, okay? Please stop!" Santana begged as Rachel bore the tenth lash. "Please."_

_He pushed the toddler to the ground and threw the belt at her before he stalked back over to Santana. He grabbed the back of her neck again and bent her over so her mouth was at the tip. She swallowed her fear and opened her mouth. Tears began to flow like a running faucet as he pushed himself in and out of her mouth. She gagged and sputtered and the tears just continued down her face. He was moaning and muttering and taunting her, but she couldn't really hear it. Her eyesight was blurry from all the tears, but she managed to catch a glimpse of Rachel on the floor looking up at the two of them with horror and fear. She felt his fingers dig the back of her neck as he forced her to quicken the pace. He let out a moan and then pushed her away from him causing Santana to fall to the floor. _

_She scrambled back and over to Rachel who immediately crawled into her lap. Both of their exposed bodies shaking. The tears still poured from Santana's eyes but she felt her brow furrow as he grabbed Rachel's nightshirt from the floor and began touching himself with it. Soon after he screamed and smiled. He had his back turned to them. He was doing something then he threw the nightshirt in the corner. It looked wet. When he turned back around his pants were fastened. He sauntered over to them with Santana's clothes in his hands. _

"_Stand up, Santana," he hissed._

_She moved Rachel out of her lap and stood. He lifted her chin roughly. "You better get better at that." She nodded and the tears began again but she didn't know what she was agreeing to. "If you don't, I'll use her." He gave a tiny look in Rachel's direction. She nodded more frantically; she hated that but he wasn't going to do that to Rachel.. He shoved her clothes into her arms. "Get out of my sight, you little slut." _

_Santana gratefully took her clothes and turned to take Rachel's hand._

"_She stays," he said. Santana looked up at him. "She needs a new diaper," he said simply. "I'll send her down when I'm done with her." She swallowed and looked at Rachel unsure of how she could stay. The toddler began to tremble slightly on the floor. "Go on now, Santana," Hiram said opening the door to the hallway. "She'll be done in no time." _

_Santana looked back once more at her tiny baby sister and then she left her. _

"Santana?"

She felt a hand on her shoulder and stepped back.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked looking at her.

Santana licked her lips and dropped her shovel. "I … I need to... uh... I need to go..."

"Santana, what's wrong?" Nana called from the entrance of the barn where she was handing the boys bails of hay.

"Nothing," she called back. "Nothing... I … Nothing. I'm going to bathroom."

Quinn watched as Santana quickly retreated into the house, wondering what she didn't know.

…..

Shelby lay on the bed with cucumbers on her eyes. There were vegetables on her eyes. Why was she here again? Other than the obvious reason that her mother pushed the two of them out to get air earlier that morning. She wasn't 'relaxing' by choice.

"You're supposed to relax," Joey called out.

"I am," she replied tightly.

"Pretty sure, you're not."

The mother frowned. "I don't know how to handle this," she said quietly. "Everything just seems wrong."

Joey sat up and looked at her sister. "You can spend your energy worrying about how you could have prevented this or you can focus on how to get through this."

"Gee thanks, fortune cookie," Shelby scoffed. "It's not that easy."

"It could be," Joey offered.

Shelby shook her head. "Not when your whole life is determined by your biggest mistake."

"We're going to get through this," Joey whispered reaching her arm out to rest on her sister's arm.

"Maybe," Shelby whispered. "But this feels like it's just the beginning. As if it's about to fall apart."

"Because you're always worried about that," Joey clarified.

"And I'm always right." And she hated it.

"Please try to relax. Just for a bit."

"Impossible," Shelby scoffed. "I can't stop thinking about how I haven't talked to Quinn about the baby, or to Santana about what happened at school, or Noah about school, or Rachel," she trailed off.

"Well, please try," Joey ordered. "You need to take care of yourself and let yourself rejuvenate or else you'll burn out at that moment when they need you."

"They need me now," she said.

"They need you to take care of yourself," Joey said.

Shelby leaned back as she realized she needed to give in. It was something that they said at work. If parents didn't take care of themselves, no one would be able to take care of the children. It was a balance. On the airlines, the emergency details explained that you must put your mark on before your child's. When parents understood the essential nature of that simple instruction they were closer to understanding their role and getting their children back. You couldn't take care of the children if you were trying desperately to survive. Shelby was surviving but barely. She needed to reboot. She need to put on her mask so that someone was there to put it on her children. Simple. Right?

…...

Rachel watched as Santana walked briskly into the house.

"What happened?" Noah asked calling across the barn.

The youngest looked over at Quinn who just shrugged. She looked back at her brother and walked toward him.

"Is she alright?" she asked looking at her brother.

"She will be," Noah whispered. He leaned down and hugged her into his side.

"Go check on her, okay?"

Rachel nodded as she followed into the house.

Helen watched Santana walk into the house and started after her.

"Santana?" she called after her.

"I'm fine, Nana," she said without turning around and a bit of a sob. "Just please let me be."

"San," she called out again, but Santana closed the door of the restroom.

Rachel was trailing behind her. "She wants to be alone, Bug," Helen said gently.

The girl shook her head. "No, she'll see me." She knocked on the door. "San? San, let me in."

The water was running. "Rachel, I'm just washing up. I'm fine. Go back outside," she called from the other side.

Helen watched Rachel deflate. She put her hand on her youngest grandaughter's back. "Let's go back out okay?"

Rachel nodded and followed her grandmother down the stairs.

Santana stared at herself in the mirror for a moment. She needed to clear her mind. She leaned over and rinsed off her face in the sink. When she stood up, she looked back in the mirror and suddenly she wasn't the only one staring back at her.

"Jesus fucking mother holy hell rat shits!" Santana screamed putting her hand on her chest. She turned and looked at the other face that was staring back at her. "Fuck, Noah!" she screamed. "How the hell did you get in here?"

He shrugged climbed the terrace.

"I could have been naked or something," she looked at him with a frown of disgust.

"Good thing you weren't, eww," he said as he leaned on the window sill of the window he just climbed through. He folded his arms arms and looked at her with a tilt of his head. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry," she said shaking her head. "I came up here for privacy and instead of breaking down the door you just climbed through the window. Butt out, Noah. Take the hint."

She turned away from him and leaned against the sink.

He watched her for a moment before finally asking, "What's going on?"

She didn't look up but after a few moments, she spoke. "This is the first time I really feel out of place here," she whispered.

"Why?" he asked with a frown.

"I just feels like everything is going to fall apart."

She took a deep breath and folded her arms tightly in front of her as she face her big brother.

"I'm remembering a lot from then," she said staring at the floor. "I don't... I don't know what to think Rachel is thinking..."

She bit her lip and sucked on the inside of her cheek for a moment trying to bridge that divide between her and her brother.

"She had a nightmare last night," she said quietly. "She was scared of me..."

She shook her head, but it didn't help the tears flowing. "I don't know how to do this."

Noah frowned and wrapped his arms around her. She balled her fists and hit his chest trying to push him away. "I'm fine. I'm fine..." she said as she began to cry. "I'm fine..."

She gave in and let him hold her. She collapsed to the floor and let her tears roll. She wasn't sure when she stopped sobbing like a rabid animal but she did and she was just leaning on her brother's chest.

"I'm scared of how she'll remember. Of what..." She trailed off "I wasn't even there for most of it..." She was thinking out loud and there was no filter.

"Maybe you need to think about that," he said quietly, still rubbing her back. "She wants you to tell her. I know you don't want her but..." He frowned. "I wasn't there. You were."

"For for most of it," she corrected.

"Well, right now you're remembering it on your own and you're getting snot on my chest," he said quietly. "She wants that too." He sighed. "I know you don't want her to be alone in that."

She squeezed her eyes shut. She had to face it.

….

Shelby started out the door and then came back in.

"And then don't forget," she began.

"We'll be fine," Dexter explained putting his hands up. "You're just going to dinner. Go to dinner."

Shelby narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure?" she asked for the millionth time.

"Yes," he said with a laugh. "Bye."

"Bye, Mom," Rachel waved.

"See you guys in a few hours," Shelby waved as Joey and her mother dragged her out the door. "Be good please."

Quinn watched them back down the driveway. Dexter had a list of instructions. An actual list. They were going for a few hours, but Shelby left a list of activities for all the grounded kids to do, a list of Rachel and Quinn's dinner. Noah wandered up the stairs. Rachel was attached to Santana's side.

Night descended fast on to them. Rachel pulled Noah's old jersey over her head.

"Hey," Santana whispered knocking on the door.

"Hi," Rachel nodded climbing into bed. "Are you okay?" Santana nodded weakly. "What's wrong?"

"Do you … do you have any questions?" Santana asked sitting next to Rachel.

"About what?" Rachel asked.

Santana took a deep breath. "About what you're remembering."

She looked up at Santana. "Um, uh... I don't know..." she shook her head.

The older girl looked at her with pleading and exhausted eyes. "Please tell me the truth."

Santana watched as her eyes tear up.

"I really don't know, Sanny," she whispered. "He hurt us a lot. I know that." She looked down at her hands. "I dream of him hurting me... but not really. It's like I'm being chased. Then it's as if I'm being grabbed or held down. But we're in the same place." She looked up. "Is that right?"

Quinn wandered down the hallway. She was looking for something but she immediately forgot what she was looking for when she stopped at the slightly open bedroom door that she and the other two girls shared. She heard Rachel trail off. She shouldn't listen to this conversation; she also didn't know if she could handle it.

"But he... he raped me right?" Rachel's young eyes looked up Santana and she never felt so paralyzed. The girl lowered her head at Santana's absence of an answer. "I mean I knew that...That he... he left me for dead that night..." Mr. Schuester's words echoed in her head. "But...I just don't …. I don't know...But the room... I just remember being scared and that you were there holding my hand." Santana didn't realize she had tears running down her cheeks until Rachel reached up with wipe them. She remembered holding Rachel's tiny hand but the only time she did that was that last night. She didn't know how to tell her that no one held her hand when he 'changed her.' Seeing her big sister frozen Rachel went on. "I knew I wasn't alone because I had you."

Santana could control any of it. She just released a sob.

"Sanny, I'm sorry. Please don't cry," she begged. She looked up at her with big eyes. "Oh," she whispered. "But... well,... it happened to the both of us...he did stuff to both of us..."

Santana bit her lip. There it was. There was the lie that she never corrected. As she felt the weight on her chest increase, she remembered why. It hurt too much. But she had to. Santana knew that. While she as comfortable living with a lie and hating herself for needed that lie, Rachel needed to know the truth. She always had. "Rach," she muttered as she bit her bottom lip and tears fell freely. "He was different with the two of us... He never..."

Rachel looked up at her with a mixture of shock and betrayal. "No," she whispered. "We were... He did it to you, too. You just... You just fought back harder."

The older girl shook her head. "No, Rach," she whispered. "He...uh..." she bit her lip. "He touched me," she whispered. "And made me... But he... I never …. He never did to me what …. he did to you..."

Quinn told herself on the other side of the door that this was not her conversation; she shouldn't listen but her feet had lost all ability to move.

"Rach, he...I …." Santana looked up and steeled her face. She didn't notice the blonde at the other side of the door notice her. "I went to that room five times, bug," she said with unexpected strength. "You went every day."

She was able to get those words out but a sob escaped her once they left her mouth. Somehow with teary vision she was able to continue. "I'm so sorry."

Rachel looked at her with big eyes. "But..." She shook her head. "I thought... I thought..." Tears pooled down her face. She began to breathe heavily. "You lied to me."

Santana reached out to the girl. "I didn't, Rachel," she said desperately. "I just... I just didn't correct you." She let out a sob. "I'm sorry, Bug. Please."

The younger girl looked at her and shook her head. "I thought... I thought... I should have known." Tears streamed down her cheeks. "I'm so stupid. That's why I was in the hospital for so long and you weren't..." She let out a sob. "You...I'm not …. I'm selfish." she sobbed. "I … wanted it to be you too..." She looked at Santana with wide eyes. "I … I …. I needed it to be you too because then I wasn't alone...How could I want that for you?... I'm so stupid."

Santana watched her baby sister battle her emotions. She understood completely, but still she couldn't just reach out and comfort her. She couldn't do that. She knew that Rachel hoped Santana was brutalized in the same way as she was so she could better understand it herself while Santana needed to leave Rachel's questions unanswered because she didn't want her to feel alone.

"Rachel, please listen to me," Santana said attempting to regain her strength as she wiped her tears furiously. "You're not stupid and you are NOT alone." She cupped her sister's face. "I'm so sorry."

"No," she whispered pushing out of the place she felt safe. "No." She shook her head. "I don't... I don't... I get it... but I... I just … I … don't..." She looked at her with big, tearful eyes. "I'm not mad... I just …. I …" She met her sister's eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Rachel," Santana sobbed trying to grab a hold of her, to bring her back to the bond that they had both spent their lives building. This was not going as planned, but then Santana realized at that moment that she didn't know what she was planning.

"It's too much," she whispered. She shook her head.

She swung the door open and Quinn was standing there with a look of shock on her face. Rachel ran past her but Santana met her eyes and for the first time since she could remember, Santana truly gave into her emotions, and crumbled.

…...

Noah laid in the attic starring at the letter rolling it in his hands. Dexter and Griffin were outside shooting hoops. He was supposed to be doing homework but wasn't. This was the time. He had to look.

He opened it.

**Dear Noah,**

**Happy birthday, son! You're finally a man. Eighteen. Whoa! How the time flies. I can't contact any of you until you turn eighteenth and here you are. I'm writing you to ask for forgiveness. I can't begin to -**

Noah's head suddenly shot up when he heard scrambling feet running down the hallway and then up the attic stairs. Rachel ran up the stairs and instantly to him. He sat up and pulled her into his arms

"Hey," he whispered as he rubbed her back. "What's wrong, bug?"

"Everything," Rachel whispered as tears fell down her cheeks.

Noah reached his free hand over and tucked the letter under the pillow. He didn't even see who it was from, but he didn't need to.

…...

Quinn didn't know was to do. Santana collapsed on the bed with her head in her hands. She hadn't seen her like that since the night that Santana had that bad dream. Hesitantly, Quinn approached her and sat down with her. She reached out with the intention of offering a hand of comfort but instead her arm wrapped around Santana as the girl cried and to her surprise. Santana fell into it.

The phone rang, but it didn't phase them. They let it ring and ring and ring. Santana pulled from Quinn's arms and wiped her tears.

"God, is anyone going to answer that?" she asked as she stood up and went into the hallway. "Hello?"

"Hey."

Santana wasn't sure how she didn't drop the phone. "Brittany?"

This was not the moment. She couldn't talk to her, not now.

"Hey, I … Your cousin texted me and told me I could call tonight and we could talk since your mom was out," she said from the other end. Santana couldn't feel the warmth of her voice because her emotions were still splattered on the floor of the bedroom.

"I …. Brit..."

"I wanted to say I read your letter and I'm kinda confused," Brittany said on the other end.

Santana pinched the bridge of her nose. That was so far from where she was right now. "Brittany, I really can't right now," she said quietly into the receiver.

"I'm sorry, San, but you need to. I need to talk this out. I need to tell you-"

"You really don't, Brit. I really can't do this right now," Santana said leaning against the wall.

"Well, you need to, San," Brittany said, not budging. "I read the letter and I am confused because I don't want to talk about the past I want to talk about the future – I was at my dads office the other day and I saw so and so and they asked me if we were officially a couple –"

SHe couldn't think about that now. She was so far away from that dilemma of her life. Brittany just reminded her; Santana had to figure out how to cope with what everyone else thought when she got home. She shook her head. She couldn't do that.

"I'm sorry, Britt, I can't," she whimpered. Why was she calling? Why was she calling _now_?

"San, please listen to me," Brittany pleaded and for some reason, Santana didn't interrupt her. "You said in your letter, 'The past doesn't allow you to love me.' How does that make sense? San, I know that things have happened, but I don't care, okay? It doesn't matter to me."

"It should," Santana said her vision getting blurry again.

"Well, it doesn't," Brittany said; Santana could almost hear her smile at the other end. "I don't care about what happened. I just care about you here and now."

She shook her head. "My past is my present, Britt," she muttered. "Trust me. It's not as simple as just moving on."

"Why can't it be?" Brittany asked. "I … I love you and I don't care about what happened, whatever it is. I promise it doesn't matter to me."

"Well, it matters to me, Brittany," Santana said with a surprising sob.

"Santana," she said sadly from the other end. "We can do this. We're best friends. We love each other and ..."

"Loving you isn't this issue," Santana said with a blank tone. "It never was. It's just not enough." She could hear Rachel crying upstairs. "I'm sorry," she said evenly as she wiped her tears.

"Santana-" Brittany said from the other end.

She didn't hear the rest. She hung up. She had to cut it off because the weeds of her life were already ruining Brittany's tranquil life.

"How'd it go?" Griffin asked emerging from his room.

Santana shook her head and pushed both of his shoulders so he lost balance. She felt a pair of arms wrap around her middle.

"It's not worth it," Quinn whispered in her ear.

"How could you have Brittany call here?" she asked with frustration and anguish. "I don't... How..."

Griffin physically stepped back and swallowed. "I …. What? I thought I was helping."

"Helping? Helping?" she scoffed. "Well, go help someone else!" She stepped out of Quinn's arms but took her hand. She looked at Griffin and shook her head. "You just don't get it." She scowled. "You can't."

"Come on," Quinn coaxed her pulling her gently by the hand. Santana shook her head one last time at the older boy.

She gave in and followed her sister out of the hallway back into their room and then onto the roof.

Quinn laid down and Santana followed suit.

"Just look at the stars," Quinn whispered.

"Kay," Santana whispered and she didn't pull away when she realized that her sister hadn't let go of her hand. She was too tired to fight it.

**This chapter was exhausting to write. It's shorter than normal, but it packs a punch. At least it did for me. Get ready too... the next couple are exhausting too. Please let me know what you think. Again, thank you for all of your support. There are no words to describe how grateful I am. 865 reviews? 330 alerts? 202 favorites? I am so humbled by words and support...And to think, I majored in government... haha **

**Thank you! **


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

BMontague – Thank you for your review. I am sorry you have to witness first hand that this stuff really happens to people. This chapter really packs a punch and things start to move very fast. The kids are learning and as much as everyone wants them to get better quickly I am trying to be as realistic as possible. I am glad you continue to read and enjoy this story.

Anna – They are strong individuals that lean on each other – they have years of first raising their children and now watching their grandchildren grow so they lean on their family and the experience. Thanks for the review.

Iuterpi- Don't be mad at Bear – he may be pushing them but it is the only way he can get Rachel to talk. Also he knows that Santana is starting to unwind and he really wants her to recover from what has happened. For so many years she has kept it in and now it is time to let it out and finally get to moving on. And honestly – there will NEVER be a good time for them to talk. It will always hurt. The letter is concerning but will Noah share it is the question. Thanks for reviewing and this chapter packs a punch!

Hazelstar – Yeah Griffin isn't a fan favorite but he will redeem himself a little. He tried with Brittany but was very bad timing. Shelby find out about the letter but probably not this chapter she has way too much on her plate right now for Noah to share it with her. Thanks for reviewing

Manly – Well sit down when you are reading this chapter. This is something that has been in the works since the story originated. I knew it would be intense – and I hope it works well. The kids still feel – they may have had a lot to have happen to them but they still feel and they would feel broken bones. You are correct Quinn does have an issue where she tends to keep quiet so that she is not a burden but they will work on that. Thank for the review. And no question is silly.

amandaes417 – Yes that chapter packed a punch but this chapter is the knock out punch. Brace yourself. There is a lot that is happening in this and it will leave them all devastated to a point. But they will survive and they are all survivors and they will ALL help each other. Dex and Griffin know all that happen to Rachel, Santana and Noah. They were both old enough to know the details and Dex helped Shelby with Rachel's after care when she needed it. Thank you for all your messages! I do love them.

MissLauraKinney – Santana will always look as her trauma being less than her baby sisters and now Quinn shares a bond with her sister that she doesn't want to have but also doesn't know how to handle it. Noah has a bunch of emotions but one of his emotions is that he feels some guilt because he didn't help his sisters more. Thanks for reviewing.

Ryoko05 – Thank you for the review. Let me just clear up one thing right away though – Santana will always be Rachel's safe place. She had to adjust to what she just learned but as you will see in this chapter – Rachel understands it and will take comfort in Santana as always. Santana will actually have the harder time with it because she has known it forever – I hope that makes sense.

piecesofyourheart – Its ok that you only skimmed through the italic parts but I warn you this chapter is a hard read. Please read with caution. It is very very intense. Take your time and I understand if some of the parts are too hard. Thanks for the review.

val-cb – This one is more intense. Thanks

needscoffee – Thank you so much! Here is the next chapter and its intense.

broadwaybound2016 – Thank you so much. This chapter is intense so please sit down and read with caution.

Kimberlli – The letter will be read in due time. Thanks for reviewing and squealing!

TommyH – Awesome review!

Abbie – Shelby is a licensed therapist herself so even though these are her kids she uses both her motherly instinct and her professional training to help the kids. Thank you for the review.

Cookie – Sorry for making you a mess. Santana does have a lot on her shoulders and the family wants her to unload some of it. They have watched her hold it in for 8 years and now it is just as raw and has created so many more problems with her that its time for her to change her ways a little and see if she can truly begin to fully heal from this trauma. It is such a burden to hold so much in – she is so angry and she needs to let it out and get back to acting like a teenager. Brittany is confused with Santana's actions but it wont be solved overnight but it also won't be ruined either. The nickname Buckwheat is from the Little Rascal's show and how Santana's hair used to look. Santana does NOT have a borderline personality disorder. She just has been through some awful trauma and plus her stubbornness is a family trait. Thank you very much for your review. Keep them coming

Renata – you are right – the connection with Santana and Rachel can not and will not be broken. Thank you for liking the binkie fairy – one of my friends had to do that with their child. Never apologize for a long review. I love them! Thank you .

Readerlove – Thank you for telling me how much you love this story. I have felt a little trapped with Changes in Tides and this story right now is taking my focus but I will not abandon that story I just don't want to throw out a chapter just to get one out there. Carrying 2 stories is difficult when I have to make sure my characters are where they need to be.

Fangirl44 – Frannie was an older sister to Quinn is was basically a jerk to her her whole life. Her father wanted a boy and got Quinn so from the minute she was born Quinn was a burden to her family. They loved Frannie and probably "spanked" Frannie but in no way were they abusive to her. Thanks for reviewing

Filmaddict – Ok here is your warning – THIS – chapter REALLY packs a punch. By the end of this chapter you will really want to punch Griff and a bunch of others I think. You have guessed correctly who the author of the letter is and again I have put you on the list of people who want him off this earth. Thanks for reviewing.

SuzQQ – There is no way that Santana's trauma or anything is going to be brushed to the way side – in fact therapy is increasing for her. She has held too much in for too long and it is now going to come out and the family will be there every step of the way to help her through all this. Quinn has built a nice bond with Shelby, San and Rachel and Noah too but it will take time for her to build it with the rest of the family and Griff's words did not help at all. Noah is not going to share the letter yet – he wants to handle things on his own and not burden his mom. I try to fit in flashbacks as they come and they will but it has to be in the right place – but you will see more of them. Thanks as always for reviewing.

Gleek1990 – Everything is crumbling but it will be rebuilt stronger and less likely to ever crumble again. I think you know who the letter is from. Thanks for reviewing! And hold on to your seat for this chapter.

btvscharmedgirl – Thank you for noticing that it has to come out so that they can heal. Thanks for the review. This is a very hard read coming up.

marinka4 – if you are mad at Griffin now you will not like him very much in this chapter either. Sorry Nana rubs you the wrong way – she is just more blunt when talking about things with the kids. She does her very best with them and they know that. Thanks for reviewing.

NinjaGleek21 – This chapter is intense – close the door of the cage and sit down because I can't be held responsible for your actions. Thanks for reviewing

HIsland429 – I promise you this is a more intense chapter than the last. What Quinn said to Rachel was both for Quinn's sake as it was for Rachel's. Quinn is afraid of getting too close and having it all ripped away from her. That would destroy her and she also sees how dependent Rachel is on her and she doesn't want to hurt her if she is forced to move back to her mom's house. Griff is an ass but not as big as the Marks' sisters. Thanks for reviewing.

lovecanbesostrange – Santana was Leroy's girl and she took her father's death the hardest. She has not even really had time to mourn his death properly. There has not been any self harm identified as of yet but for Rachel and Santana were immediately placed into therapy and they have a strong mother and lots of family support and while they still have issues obviously I don't think they will do any self harm. Quinn's trauma is recent with no therapy until now so only time will tell with her. Griffin does speak before he thinks but he is also in his own way protecting his family. You are right about Noah's letter, he is not going to share this for a while if at all- he feels like he is an adult and wants to handle it as an adult. Hiram will not see freedom in this lifetime. Thank you for your in depth review. I really enjoy them.

**Chapter 32**

**Hi everyone. This chapter is... well... A lot happens. Please be aware that there are a few flashbacks and scenes that may be very difficult to read. DO NOT READ AT WORK or BEFORE AN IMPORTANT CLASS. This may distract you...**

**Please let me know what you think.**

**ALSO, this has been in the works since the beginning. Long before the episode of Glee aired. **

**I will do my best to have the next chapter up by Tuesday night my time of next week, but it might be Wednesday. However, I have a rule that I cannot watch the new ep until I've posted**

Shelby took another sip of wine and took a deep breath.

"I don't really know where to begin," Shelby said as they continue to eat their dinner. "I mean I haven't had a chance to really talk to Quinn and Santana."

"About what happened at school?" Joey asked as she ate a bite of her salmon.

Shelby nodded as she leaned back slightly for the waiter to refill her ice water. She continued. "I just... I took Quinn in. I love her. To me she's my kid," she looked at the family. "Honestly, I'm ready for Jackie to start the severance plan. That's where this is going. We all know it, but we're trying to wade out the waters to make sure that we give Judy the opportunity."

"Perhaps she'll step up," Helen offered. Shelby looked at her sharply and Joey gave a defeated sigh.

"She won't," Joey said. "She doesn't see that she's done anything wrong."

"How is that possible?"

"It is," Bear said quietly taking a gulp of his red wine as he leaned back in his chair. "People see what they want sometimes. The cost of admitting you were wrong is too high for them. They would rather not pay the price."

"It's not that simple," Michael said looking at him.

"Isn't it?"

Bear sighed and looked back down at his meal. He realized he didn't have an appetite anymore.

"We need a game plan," Michael said as he wiped his face and put his napkin on the table.

"Something happened. We know that," Helen said.

Shelby put her head in her hands. "I...I don't understand why though... I think and I agree that something did.. but I don't want to go on a witch hunt while my children need me."

"Well, I'll talk with Kurt and the girl that Quinn said she left with Rachel," Bear said leaning forward. He shook his head. "I just... We need to be prepared for what we find." He looked at the family. "I know that we think this bastard hurt her..." Bear searched his mind. "But if something happened, and then if and when we catch him... it's not just going to be hard on Rachel."

"That is what I'm trying to say," Shelby argued. "It's not just her. It's all four of them and all of us. We need to... We need to figure out how we do this...Because when they fall, and they will and part of me knows it has already started... we need to be ready to catch them."

Helen sat up. "Well, Michael and I will bring on our manager more full time and let him know we're going out of town. We already have a temp we've been wanting to also hire full-time as well as promoting our intern. We should be arriving in Lima early next week."

Shelby bit her lip. She was grateful but hesitant. She didn't know if she could deal with her parents and her four children under one roof. "Listen, Mom, I -"

"Don't worry," Helen said. "We're not staying with you." The older woman waved at her older daughter. "Your sister and her husband have plenty of space and we will -"

"Excuse me what?" Joey interrupted choking a little on her water. She shook her head. "Mom, you know I love you but-"

"Anyway," Helen said. "We will be staying there."

"I think that's a good idea and - oww" Bear began but was interrupted when he felt a heel in his shin.

"We will talk about that later," she hissed. She sighed. "You can stay as long as you need to, Mother." She said with a cheeky grin. She put her finger up. "I am not cooking for you."

"No one wants that, dear. I raised you I know your cooking skills," Helen said turning back toward Shelby.

"That's because you fed us cereal and cold cuts for dinner," Joey said with a quirk.

"Joe," Bear said.

"Can you please not do this?" Shelby asked. She sighed. "Well the older three are suspended and Rachel is school-less so I'll probably have you stay with them. Sue mentioned to me that she's trying to work it out so that the kids can still attend practice. But they'll need to focus on their studies. You can help me with dinners I need to keep them all on strict schedules when we get back. Therapy is going to increase for all, I have to work with Noah on college applications, I have to get rachel into a school and I have to keep Quinn and San in check because their anger is still out of control."

"Understandably so," Bear said.

"Rightfully so," Michael said with a quick of his eyebrows.

Shelby glanced at her watch. "We should get home. Kids need to go to bed." She gave a sigh and started looking around for the waiter to wave him down.

"Shelby we are here for you - you make the schedule and we will follow it - you are the boss."

The family looked at her and she sighed. She nodded. "Okay."

…..

Noah held Rachel. He was pretty sure that she was drooling on his sweatshirt. However, her grip was still tight. He was able to get out of her that Santana finally told her. She finally told her that one thing that Santana had once told Noah never to tell anyone. His eyes kept wandering over to his pillow where he tucked the letter. It was hidden, but he knew it was there. He heard shuffling downstairs.

He sighed. "Finally."

He stood up with Rachel still in his arms and walked down the attic steps. Santana was emerging from the roof window with Quinn when they entered the room. Santana gave a heavy look at her brother and then looked back at Rachel.

"She okay?" Quinn asked finally.

Noah gave a tiny shrug. "Doubt it." He looked at the girls. "Are you guys?"

The blonde glanced over at Santana and frowned. "Doubt it," Quinn answered.

"You should get her ready for bed," Noah said walking toward Santana.

"She wants you," the brunette said with exhaustion as she starts toward the bathroom.

Noah knew that Rachel didn't. She had repeatedly called out for Santana at every little noise while they were upstairs. And just as he assumed Santana's voice woke her up.

"San?" Rachel asked lifting her head. She looked at her tiredly.

She scrambled out of Noah's arms and went to Santana's side and pulled her into a hug. Santana hesitated but hugged her back.

"Let's just go to bed, okay?" Santana whispered.

"Areyoumadatme?" Rachel mumbled into her sister's stomach.

"Of course not," Santana whispered. "Come on. Let's brush your teeth."

They started toward the bathroom. Quinn watched them, again feeling out of place. Santana turned and looked over her shoulder at Quinn. "You comin'?" she asked.

"Come on," Rachel said as she rubbed her eye.

Noah watched as the girls disappeared into the bathroom and then meandered into the hallway.

"Hey." He looked up and his mother was walking down the hallway with a soft smile.

"What's going on?" Shelby asked as she took off her coat and laid it on the banister.

"You need to talk with Santana," Noah said, turning his body to walk down the hallway.

"What happened?" she asked again.

"San told Rach," he said quietly.

Shelby narrowed her eyes as she searched her son's eyes. She leaned back slightly when she realized what he means.

"What?" She folded her arms. "She really... San... San did that?"

Noah nodded. "Don't act so surprised. Everyone was kinda pushing her to do it the last few days." Shelby looked at her son carefully. "I know you don't mean to... but... Rachel isn't the only one."

"I know that," she said heavily. She frowned. "Does she think that... That I think that."

"No," Noah said quickly. "But... I know that you don't push her to talk and you've done that for eight years and let her ….And I really do see that she needs this... that it wasn't working I mean. But..." He looked at his mother. "I just... I didn't realize it would be so hard."

The door to the bathroom swung open.

"Where's George, Rach?" Santana asked as the three of them emerged. Santana's face tightened up. "Hi, Mom."

"Hey," Shelby said as she exchanged a look with Santana. "I saw George downstairs, Rach."

"Let's go," Quinn said. "We'll get it."

Rachel looked back at her mother and sister as she followed her other sister down the hallway. Santana and Shelby gave her a reassuring smile. Once they descended down the stairs and out of sight Santana walked into the bedroom and past her mother.

"I don't want to talk about it," Santana began.

"Santana," Shelby began.

"I just... I don't..." Santana said again folding down the sheets on the full bed bottom bunk. "Listen," she said sharply. "I know you told me not to push her but... I …. She needed to know." Santana frowned and looked at the ground. "She needed to know."

"Santana," her mother interrupted. "I'm not mad. Not in anyway."

Santana looked at her with a frown. "Really?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

Santana teared up and exchanged a look with her brother and then looked back down at the ground. "I... I …. I just...She needed to know..." She shook her head. "I can't... I just..." Shelby pulled her into her arms, but Santana went on. "I wanted to protect her. I wanted to …. I didn't want her to know... and … What he did to her... It was so much worse and I couldn't let her -"

"Santana, the fact that you remembered for the both of you was hard in itself. It's not about bad or worse."

Santana shook herself from her mother's arms. "It is. It is now that she knows. I can't-"

"Okay," Shelby whispered into her daughter's ear, pulling her back in to her.

"San, she needed to know," Noah said quietly. "You forget how brave you were."

"I had to be," Santana murmured into her mother's chest.

"Maybe tomorrow you can show me," Quinn's voice echoed into the room, purposefully louder to indicate that they were approaching the door.

Santana wiped her tears furiously and started pull away from her mother. Shelby hugged her and kissed her temple. "You don't have to be so tough all the time," she whispered.

The young brunette smiled and Rachel took her hand and they crawled into bed. Quinn climbed onto the top bunk and closed her eyes, reminding Shelby to talk to her the following morning about her sleeping so soundly since they got there.

"Mom?" Rachel asked from the inside of the bunk bed with a yawn.

"Yeah, bug?" she asked as Noah snuck out of the room. She grazed his arm gently, thanking him.

Rachel yawned and leaned her head into the crook of Santana's arm. "How was dinner?"

Shelby chuckled. "We'll talk tomorrow, bug."

…..

Noah leaned back. Dexter and Griffin were downstairs talking with their parents. The letter was burning through his pillow, He knew. There was no question. He sat up and pulled his shirt off when he remembered it was still covered with Rachel's tears. He changed and still felt the letter staring at him. He had a feeling that it would come out. He sat back down and allowed himself to retrieve the letter.

**Dear Noah,**

**Happy birthday, son! You're finally a man. Eighteen. Whoa! How the time flies. I can't contact any of you until you turn eighteenth and here you are. I'm writing you to ask for forgiveness. I can't begin to explain how sorry I am. I know that my behavior cannot be excused. I made a mistake and I know that. They've helped me see-**

He groaned. He couldn't do this. He couldn't read this crap. He didn't even want to take the time to consider what he was asking. He didn't. He couldn't. He crumpled up the letter and reached for his cousin's lighter for the cigarettes Griffin pretended he didn't smoke. He was going to burn this; it didn't exist. The fact that he was asking for forgiveness forced a boil in his chest. Eight years later. Eight years, he hissed. Everything was still fresh and his sisters were testament to that. He couldn't. He never would forgive him. He wouldn't even try.

_He felt them lead him out of the courtroom. He was wearing a tie. He hated ties. He felt like he was being choked. Why didn't girls have to wear ties? What was the point of them? He raised his hand to loosen it. He just wanted to watch him go away. Why did he need to wear a tie to watch? However, that morning when they were getting dressed didn't seem like the time to ask. Even though, they knew he was going away and it was over. Finding out for how long was there was important too or at least that's what Noah thought. However, he was ten, maybe he was missing something. He didn't have to talk about it anymore. He was going to jail and they never had to see him again._

"_Noah! Noah!"_

_He turned and looked over his shoulder and Hiram was passing down the hallway being hauled away. _

"_Don't talk to him, you piece of -" Noah looked up at his angry uncle. _

"_Bear, calm down," Noah looked up at his aunt. _

_He looked up at his mother for what to say. She gave him a weak grin, but she was trying to not look mad. Noah knew that look. She was trying not to scream. _

"_Noah!" he called out. "Tell them I was good to you, okay? I never -" _

"_It's over," his mother said with her angry eyes. _

"_Noah, what did your father used to say?" _

"_Shut the hell up!" Shelby screamed. _

_Noah looked up from his mother and moved away. He had never seen her that angry. She was even angier than she was when he hid the towels in the oven after he spilled his mother's coffee on them. Apparently, that hadn't been the best place to hide them. She had been been so upset that he never thought he would see his mother angier. He was wrong. _

"_Don't speak to my children," she said stepping forward as Noah felt himself being pulled behind his mother. "Ever." He felt himself being led down the hallway. Suddenly, he heard her speaking again. "You will never see them. Ever again." Noah looked up and she was pointing at him. "You sick son of a bitch. Don't you dare speak about Leroy. You didn't know him and he certainly didn't know you." _

"_That's enough, ma'am," the officer said, leading the man away. _

_Noah slipped his hand into his mother's. She calmed and looked down at him, pulling him closer to her. He looked back up and watched the man be taken away. He knew exactly what he was trying to say. Noah remembered a lot about his father, but the one thing is that he believe in forgiveness. He believed in it not as an idea, but a philosophy. Noah frowned as he tried to process that big word. His father just believed it was possible to forgive anything. _

_He watched as the man disappeared around the corner. Noah spent his whole ten years trying to be like his father. He tried to be the best musician. The best brother and the best friend. However, in that moment he realized he didn't know if he could forgive like his father. He just didn't have it in him. _

"What's that?"

He looked up and his mother was looking at him. He still had the letter fisted into a ball in one hand and the lighter in the other.

"Nothing," he said. "They asleep?"

Shelby nodded and leaned against the banister. "Out like a light. Even Quinn."

"You sure, San's asleep?"

Shelby nodded. "I'm sure." She looked at him carefully. "You okay?"

He gave her a smile. "I'm fine."

"Noah," she said sitting down next to her son. "Despite everything that's going on, you need to know that things will be okay."

He frowned and looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"When you graduate, it doesn't mean you leave," she said. "Trust me when I went off to college, while different, it wasn't just me leaving. I went all the way to New York, but I was still very much a part of my family's life-"

"But you weren't here, here," he corrected. He shook his head. "I don't know. I might not be there but you never know what will happen. Who will come along-"

"Noah, what are you talking about?" She shook her head. "You can't put your life on hold. You can't give up on a future because of what ifs."

"What?" he shook his head. I … I don't know... I just... I don't know." He looked at her. "I don't want to talk about this. I'm tired. "

"Whatever that is," Shelby said as she looked at the letter. "It doesn't matter. Okay?"

He nodded. "I know. It doesn't." He nodded looking at the crumpled letter.

She kissed him softly on the forehead. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

He stared down at the letter. It didn't matter what that man thought.

…...

_She opened her eyes and reached out. Nothing. She sat up. _

"_Rachel?" _

_She looked over the side of the bed and her brother was still snoring. He was just in his basketball shorts. She could see the welts on his back. It hurt too much for have a shirt grazing them. She looked around. The bed empty. It was dark and the city was quiet. She opened the door quietly. She had been in the room twice so far. She had an ache in her chest because she knew that was probably where Rachel was. _

_She froze mid step when she heard his groaning and the shriek and sob from Rachel. She felt tears water in her eyes. _

"_Relax, you little cunt," he hissed. "Be grateful!" _

_She walked closer to the door. Rachel was crying softly now and his grunting was increasing. She felt her breath hitch her chest when she realized the door was already partially open. Rachel was laying on her back on the bed. His back was facing the door but Santana could see his hand stroking in between his legs as he moved his other hand between Rachel's tiny legs. Santana saw that Rachel was naked and crying and there was blood speckled on the bed. _

_She wanted to stop him. She wanted to fight him, to grab him, to hit him. _

_But she tried that once. She tried that when she first found that blood. and she and Rachel both suffered the consequences. Neither of them could move comfortably after that for a couple days. _

_So all she could do was stand in the hallway and sob silently. _

_Rachel's eyes that were screwed tightly as tears poured down her face suddenly opened. She trembled and saw Santana standing at the door. She relaxed slightly and stopped crying as hard. Santana was ignoring her own tears and taking deep breaths, showing Rachel silent from the hallway. The tiny toddler mimicked her while the cruel man above her continued. Santana just had to keep Rachel calm. She might be in pain and hurt, but Santana knew she had to keep her breathing. She had to keep her breathing. _

Santana woke with a start. Her eyes were wet from the memory of the dream or in this case, the memory that she dreamt. She pulled Rachel closer to her. She never could really say how many times she had seen what Hiram did to Rachel. However, she knew even at eight years old that hyperventilating wasn't good. once she heard Rachel crying so hard she was gasping for breath when they were in the room together. THey didn't have the nebulizer back that; Santana was the nebulizer. She looked down at Rachel quietly. Would she remember that? Would she remember Santana being outside the room never rescuing her?

"I'm sorry... please... let me go," Rachel whimpered. Santana looked down at her. "You'rehurtingme. Please."

"Bug, I'm right here," Santana said gently. "Wake up. You're okay. Wake up."

"Nononono," she whimpered.

The door that was already ajar, opened wider and SHelby entered.

"No!" Rachel said bolting up in bed.

"Rach, come on," Shelby said.

Rachel look at her mother and shook her head. "No," she whispered. She laid quietly back down on the bed and nestled into Santana's side.

"You okay?" Shelby asked Santana who laid back down. Santana gave a small grimace.

"Fine," she muttered. "Yeah." She nodded. "We're fine, Mom."

Shelby nodded and straightened up glancing into the top bunk. She frowned, Quinn was sound asleep again.

"I know, it's weird right?" Santana said to her in the darkness.

She smiled at the brunette. "Night."

…..

Shelby nursed her coffee the next morning with a tired sigh. Last day in Florida.

"Morning," her mother said coming into the kitchen.

"Hey," she replied quietly.

"The kids still sleeping?"

"Yup." She looked at her mother. "It's nice that Florida has allowed Quinn to sleep." She shook her head. "Must be being away from him. I never would have guessed." She shook her head and went on. "She is far overdue for rest and clearly all she needed was get away from him."

"Doubt it," Helen said absently taking a sip of her own coffee. Her daughter looked at her with a confused frown. "What?"

"Nothing," she muttered, wondering what her mother knew and she didn't.

"Good morning," Joey said entering the room. "Breakfast!"

The boys filtered in. "The girls are sleeping," Griffin said with sigh as she grabbed a pancake and a piece of sausage and syrup and rolled it into a roll and ate it with his mouth open.

"Griffin," Joey said with a frown of disgust.

"What?" he asked.

Noah looked at him in horror. "Do I do that?"

Shelby looked at her son as she stood up. "Yup." She headed towards the stairs.

"I'll get them, Shelby," Helen said walked ahead of her daughter.

Shelby didn't get an opportunity to dispute.

Santana curled herself around Rachel and slept soundly. Rachel was curled into the crook of Santana's torso. For the first time in so long, they were asleep, they were relaxed and they weren't stuck in the past. They were lost in their own dreams in a small attempt to escape it all.

Quinn was doing the same. She was above them, far away from the world she knew.

"Girls, come on," Helen said quietly, coming into the room.

Her heart ached as the relaxed looks of slumber on their faces disappeared and the girls' jumped

"Come girls, get up. We have to eat breakfast and get ready to leave," she said.

"No," Rachel mumbled into Santana trying to avoid confronting her reality.

"Come on, girls," Helen pushed. "You can relax and sleep by the pool again after we get things ready."

Quinn frowned and sat up. Realizing she slept through the night again, her brow softened. She put on her game face again. "May I asked why?" She conceded and climbed out of bed anyway.

"Because the day has begun," Helen said simply. Quinn looked over at Santana who rolled her eyes and mouthed as Helen said, "And you need to be a part of it." She continued to look at Quinn, but continued. "Don't roll your eyes, Sanny. Up. Let's go. It's late."

"It's nine," Santana groan.

"It's late," Helen said. "Let's go. Come on."

Santana groaned and sat up. Rachel continued to grip onto her.

"Let's go, Rach," she said pulling the girl to stand.

"I wanna stay," Rachel whispered.

"Can't, baby bug," Helen said approaching her. Rachel leaned into Santana.

She sighed remembering that that was how she used to be.

_Santana held Rachel's hand and the tiny girl was in her body. Shelby was upstairs still getting ready. She left Helen with the girls. Noah was already outside waiting for the bus with Michael. However, the girls were still in the kitchen. _

"_Santana," Helen encouraged. "You need to go out to the bus."_

"_No," Rachel said into Santana's side. "I wanna go" _

"_No," Helen said quietly. "We need to get going. You'll have fun at school, San." _

"_No, no, no," Rachel said again. Helen could see that the toddler was crying. She had been with the family for only a few days in the city and first school days had been rough for everyone. Rachel had had at least two accidents a day. She was scared when someone dropped something. She wet herself when the toilet flushed or slammed a door. _

_The doctor said Rachel's injuries and her psychological trauma forced her to have trouble holding it and making it to the restroom on time. When Helen changed her on the changing table, Rachel was crying, begging Helen_

"_No, sizzars," she had cried. Helen's heart boiled in anger and anguish, not wanting to think about what that bastard did to her baby bug. Medically, they had ruled out scissors because she had cried about it so much during her diaper changes. The therapist at the hospital was able to conclude that scissors were the only sharp object that the tiny toddler was able to guess that was entering her. _

_Rachel tugged on Santana's arm and Helen spotted her look of fear and shame. There was a wet spot at the seat of Rachel's pants and down her legs. Helen discovered earlier that morning a pile of soiled clothes in the back of Rachel and Santana's closet. Shelby spoke to her and explained to Helen later that they were scared of being in trouble because of Rachel's accidents. Old habits die hard. _

"_Rachel, sweetheart, come here," Helen said kneeling down. "It's okay. We'll go and see Mumma." _

_Rachel shook her head. Helen sighed and opened the side door. _

"_Michael, Santana will be right out. Come here, Rachel," HElen reached to pick up the toddler. _

"_No!" Santana burst. "Go away! Don't touch her!" She screamed. "She doesn't want you!" _

_Helen felt like her heart was spit out again. _

"_She's not in trouble," Helen said, unaware that that was what he used to say. _

"_No, no," Santana hissed taking Rachel's hand and backing away. _

_Helen looked at Santana as said in the same even tone. "She's not in trouble. She needs to be cleaned up." _

_Rachel sobbed. _

"_What's going on?" _

_Santana frowned and backed away. "No, no, no! She doesn't want to! Leave her alone. I'll take care of her. I'll change her. You don't know how!" _

"_Mom, I got it," Shelby said stepping in. _

"_No, Shelby, we can't keep allowing this," Helen whispered. She turned back to her granddaughter. "Santana, if you would like, you can come with me while I change her. Mommy can come too. But you are not changing her. It's not your job. Those are your choices. Come with me and Rachel or go with your mother." _

"_I'll go," Santana said stealing her face. "I'll change her." _

"_No, you won't," Helen said. "This is not a discussion. This is not an argument." Helen could see her granddaughter was confused about her even, calm tone. "Now, let's go, Rachel. Come on." _

_Santana finally gave in. They watched carefully. She watched every step. By the time it was finished, Rachel was almost late for her therapy appointment and Santana had missed the bus. A broken lamp and raining storm of baby wipes later in addition to some screaming, Helen convinced Shelby to leave Santana with her and take Rachel to her appointments. _

_So here Helen was sitting with her still livid granddaughter surrounded by the rubble of her tantrum. _

"_Is my time done?" Santana asked. _

"_You're quiet time isn't timed with me," Helen said. "Whenever you're ready you can start cleaning up." _

_Santana folded her arms. "No." _

_Helen knew Santana was her granddaughter. She had the Berry-stubbornness. _

"_Okay," Helen said leaning back. "No, big. I'm retired. I have nowhere to be." _

"_Me neither," Santana snapped. _

_A silence settled over them. Helen broke it. SHelby always yelled at her about how she wasn't good at being quiet for quiet time. _

"_So, San, how did I do? Do you think Nana did a good job with Rachel ?" Santana looked up at her with wide eyes and a frown. She tilted her head and looked up at her with the same look of pensive confusion as she did when she was little. "With changing her diaper," Helen explained. "I know you're the expert. Can you show me some other things to help me with Rachel?" _

"_Of course," Santana said, straightening. "Well, the lady at the shelter use to warm the wipes." _

"_Warm the wipes?" Helen asked. _

_Santana shrugged. "Yeah, she held them in her hands in her fists. So they're not cold." _

_Helen nodded. Santana went on. She explained Rachel's favorite book, favorite song. She explained everything. After about twenty minutes, Helen asked again, "Are you ready to clean up?" _

"_No," Santana said, her face hardening in indignation. She folded her arms. "No." _

"_Okay," Helen said calmly. "We'll wait here." _

"_Fine." _

"_Fine." _

Helen remembered that she sat there with Santana for almost four hours. She had never met anyone eight years old or not, who could sit for four hours. Santana had just risen suddenly and picked up. But four hours? Insane. She looked at the now sixteen year old. They had come a long way. However, she knew that Santana was still the girl who would sit for four hours refusing to do something she didn't want to do.

"Let's go down stairs,"

Rachel conceded and followed after them holding on tightly to Santana.

"So," Helen said as she walked the girls down the hallway.. "How did you sleep?"

"Fine, ma'am," Quinn said casually.

Helen noticed Rachel look back at her with confusion. "Quinn, you really don't need to-"

"I insist," the blonde pushed and turned into the bathroom shutting the door behind her.

"We'll see you downstairs then?" Helen asked.

"Yes, Ma'am," Quinn said from the other side of the door.

"So we're leaving in a few hours," Shelby said as soon as they all entered the kitchen. "I want bags packed and beds stripped and linens put in the laundry room. Other than that though, go relax and enjoy yourselves."

She set a breakfast plate in front of Rachel and noticed the girl was molded into Santana's side as the older girl attempted to eat around her.

"Rachel, let your sister eat please," her mother said. The girl sat up slightly Shelby went on, releasing Santana's arm. "Nana and Pop-Pop are coming to Lima next week to -"

"Why?" Santana frowned looking at everyone.

Shelby looked at her with an arch of her brow and continued. "To get ready for the Thanksgiving holiday and see their grandson finish up the football season."

"Will you stay through Christmas?" Rachel asked as she took a bite of her fruit.

Michael gave her a weak smile. "I don't know. Depends if your aunt and grandmother kill each other."

"You never did that my senior year," Griffin said.

Michael put his lips together and shrugged. "I know... but your team was also losing... and it was soccer," he said.

Griffin huffed.

"Where is Quinn?" Shelby asked.

"She's in the bathroom," Rachel said quietly picking at her food. Santana nudged her and she took a bite.

"She's just showering," Santana said finishing up her pancakes.

Shelby sighed and stood from her seat. "Eat up, guys," she said. "I'll be right back."

She climbed the stairs and knocked gently on the bathroom door. "Quinn?"

"I'm..." The shower water turned on. "I'm showering, Shelby."

"No, you're not. You just turned on the water. Please open the door," Shelby asked.

After a few moments the water turned off and after another few moments, the door opened. Quinn looked at Shelby for a split second and then looked away.

"Sorry," she whispered. She shook her head. "I just... I'm ready to back to Lima." She looked up and saw Shelby looking at her skeptically with surprise. "I know that you think that I liked it here...And it's not that I didn't, but ….. I just... I really want to go back to Lima. I don't want to be here anymore."

"Why?" Shelby asked.

"Just because," Quinn replied. "Because it's just …."

SHelby saw it. She saw that moment in Quinn's eyes. She saw the truth that she wasn't speaking. "Griffin was wrong, Quinn. He's scared. She says stuff he doesn't mean when he's scared, because he doesn't know how to be scared any other way."

"I get that," she whispered. She frowned. "I get that he's scared of what it means that I'm here." She shrugged. "I don't know why I'm here."

"You're a part of the family. Griffin is scared because we have fallen apart before."

"I'm not ready to be a part of this. It's too real."

"But it's real," Shelby said pulling her into her arms. Quinn surrendered into the hug. "Some things take time. You just need to give them time."

Quinn sank into her arms. Finally, Shelby extracted herself and took her hand. "Let's go."

She took it.

They reentered the kitchen. "Guys, let's wrap this up."

"I don't understand why you're leaving," Griffin said. "I mean aren't you guys suspended all next week?" He looked at his family with his mouthful. "I mean. Why not be suspended in Florida?"

Bear looked at his son. "Griff, we always only have this long here. Plus, Shelby needs to get back to work and all of the kids need to get back to their appointments."

"However, while still grounded," Shelby continued. "You're getting some privileges back. Noah, you're getting your car back. Cell phones too. Quinn, we'll get you one tomorrow. Sue informed me that she was able to get you guys off suspension from the sports teams. You can all attend the sports practice tomorrow afternoon. But one slip up and they lose them again."

"Do I get one?" Rachel asked.

"Who are you going to call?" Griffin laughed. Santana glared at him. "I mean.. you're eleven. Does other eleven year olds have phones. You have lots of friends, Rach."

"Griffin," Joey hissed. "Stop talking."

A couple hours later bags were packed by the door. SHelby was looking around trying to organize themselves.

"Rach," Shelby called. The girl stood up from Santana's arms and walked toward her.

Noah watched his baby sister walk from the back bumper of the car over to his mother. They come to Florida so much that they didn't feel like they were saying goodbye, even though they were.

"Hey."

Noah looked up and Dexter was shutting the trunk of his Jeep. "Can I talk to you?"

The eldest Corcoran stood and walked over to his cousin. "What's up?"

"You're doing a good job, Noah," he said quietly. "You really are."

"You're giving me a pep talk?" he asked with a chuckle.

He nodded. "Why not?" Dexter leaned against the side of the car. "Listen, I get that you're scared to leave. I felt the same when I was a senior."

"No, you didn't," Noah said.

"Yeah, I did," Dexter nodded. "I know... I know that I wasn't in New York when... when all that happened." He gave a shrug and took a breath. "But it still changed me," he said quietly. He nodded in Griffin's direction as he threw gummy bears into the air and tried to catch them in his mouth. "I know it changed him too. He's just not sure not sure how to talk about it." He sighed. "What am I'm saying is … just because it changed us, doesn't mean we have to get stuck."

"People need to stop telling me that I'm stuck and giving up," Noah said. "I'm not... That's not what I'm doing."

"Yeah, it is, man." Dex said. He looked over at Noah. You can care for them while still thinking about you. You're much better than that. If you want to be a grease monkey, be a grease monkey. But you don't want to work on cars. You barely like it." He sighed and folded his arms tightly. "When you're eighteen, it's okay not to know what you want for the rest of your life. Hell, Griffin is nineteen and he doesn't know. You can graduate and not know."

"This is not a very motivational speech," Noah said with a nervous chuckle.

"What I'm saying is that you try. You try to look and figure out how to get to there. To get what you want," Dexter said quietly.

"I don't get it," Noah frowned.

"You haven't looked. You've never tried to move ahead."

He shook his head. "I don't..."

"It's okay to be stuck, but it's not okay to be frozen," Dexter said. "I was mad. I was so mad. I still am. I was fourteen when everything happened. I remember better than anyone."

"I know that," Noah snapped.

"I sat by her side. I helped her," Dexter said. "I remember how everything just fell apart. I was here in Lima when you guys were wards of the state. I just... I remember."

"What does this have to do with anything?" Noah asked.

"It has to do with the fact that you can be pissed and scared and get stuck here, in Lima, whatever," Dexter pushed.

"I'm not getting stuck," he said with frustration.

"You are."

"I'm not smart enough to be you. And be a doctor."

"I'm a nurse," Dexter said. "And you know why?" He frowned. "Because I didn't want to be some stuck up doctor. I want to be by patient's sides helping them with the hard stuff. Remember we went to to visit her and it was the nurses that made her day better because family wasn't allowed there as much." He shook his head. "All I'm saying is that you're a good man, don't settle and be a good loser."

…

Santana watched her brother follow her cousin and her sister go to her mother. She gave a shaky, heavy sigh when she saw Griffin approach her.

"What, fishhead?" she hissed.

"Calm yourself, buckwheat," Griffin huffed.

"That nickname is old," Santana hissed. "My hair is tame now. It's pretty. You can't call me that because I now have pretty hair."

He scoffed. "Whatever." He sighed. "Listen, I'm sorry... about...Whatever..."

"You're awesome at apologies," she said with a sigh. "I'm not mad at you."

"You're not?"

SHe shook her head. "Well, I've been mad at you most of my life, but... that's only because you're a natural douche."

Griffin frowned. "Uh... You suck at apologies too." He sighed. "Well, I'm sorry for being a douche, but I'm a douche."

"No, you're not. You're just an idiot who doesn't know any better," she huffed. "This sounds stupid but I'm not mad at you because you... you're the one person that never treated me any differently. You were a douche to everyone. I needed that." She sighed. "But Quinn doesn't. Get your act together because she's a part of this family now."

"San, you know who she is," he began.

"Yeah, I do," Santana said with a nod. "And she's someone that deserves so much more than another change. So get your shit together. I don't like you."

"I don't like you," he replied. "But youre my family."

"So is she," Santana said.

"Santana," Helen called out.

She straightened and walked toward her grandmother. "Hi, Nana," she said quietly.

"You and I haven't talked much since you came," Helen said. "You bought some time, but we'll talk back in Ohio. I love you."

"I know, Nana."

She looked at the ground.

"Well, you haven't talked to me at all," Helen said. "And I hope you do."

"I will," Santana said. "Soon..."

Helen pulled her into a hug. "I'll see you later." Santana nodded into her shoulder. "Sometimes it might not feel like love is enough," she whispered. "And it's not, but it's with all the other stuff that makes it enough."

"Nana, you don't know what you are talking about," Santana whispered into her shoulder.

"That's true," Helen whispered back. "But it's true for me. Maybe it is for you."

Santana nodded. "Kay."

"Ready?" Shelby asked as they all regathered.

…..

The baggage was checked. Rachel was asleep between Noah and Santana and Quinn was asleep on Shelby's shoulder. The captain just announced they were approaching their descent. Quinn jolted awake. Shelby hushed her quietly.

"Welcome to Ohio," the pilot announced.

They walked off of the plane and down the baggage claim.

"Mom," Rachel whined as they walked through the busy airport. "Can't we ride on one of the inside bench trucks?"

"No," Shelby said. "We're almost down here. We will get our car and you can fall back asleep."

"No," Rachel stomped as they went down the escalator.

"Rach, calm down." Santana whispered.

The exhausted eleven year old deflated as she lagged behind the family. SHe looked around frantically. Was he here? Was he waiting for her? Shelby told them about standing on the far side of the carousel as Quinn and Shelby retrieved the bags.

"I wanna go home," Rachel said folding her arms over her chest.

"We're working on it, Rach," Noah said.

Rachel looked around. The airport was bustling. He must be there. He must be.

"Bug, what's wrong?" Santana looked around them. "What are you looking for?"

"I wanna go home," she whispered.

Santana noticed tears running down her sister's cheeks. "Noah," she whispered.

Noah knelt down in front of Rachel. "Look at me, bug." Rachel breathed heavily as tears fell. "Look at me, bug."

She looked at her big brother.

"Nothing will happen to you. We're right here," Santana whispered.

She nodded.

"You're okay," Noah whispered.

"I just wanna go home," she whispered.

"We are, Rach," Quinn said as they walked up with the bags. "Come on."

They found their car in the parking garage, loaded it up and started heading out. Rachel leaned against Santana in the far back. She turned and looked over her shoulder one last time. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe it was forgotten and her anxiety about it all was misplaced.

She frozen.

There he was behind the car in parking space seventy-four.

Nothing was forgotten.

She shivered and curled into Santana. This was her life.

Two hours later they pulled into the driveway. Noah carried Rachel inside. The drugs knocked her out again. They slowly unloaded the Range Rover when a car pulled up.

"Brittany?" Santana asked.

"I'm really sorry," Brittany said to Shelby first after she exchanged a quick look at Santana and Quinn. "I just really need to talk to her.

Shelby nodded. "Alright." She gave her daughter a quick glance before going inside.

Santana turned to Brittany with a bit of dread once the other two were inside.

"I'm sorry I hung up on you," Santana finally said.

She saw Brittany waiting for her with a look of shattered hope. She was worried of what she would say. So much had changed in a week and Santana was starting to realize she would never get any of it back.

"Hi," Santana began quietly.

Brittany looked up and her and tears brimmed in her eyes. She shook her head and pulled out the letter.

"You left me with this?" Santana frowned and looked at the piece of paper in Brittany's hand. The letter. "And then I called you and you hung up." She shook her head. "I've replayed everything you said over and over in my head." She raised the folded piece of paper. "But this, San. I realized you've been saying it from the beginning." She shook her head. "My mom doesn't look at me the same. I see her looking at me as I eat my fucking cereal this morning. I'm fighting not for her love, but for something normal and something that doesn't feel like such a battle. I'm fighting for you but-" She frowned and swallowed in anguish. "You're fighting me." SHe shook her head without control of her tears. "You don't even give me... give us a chance. What happened at school isn't just about you. It's not." She put her hand on her chest. "This is about me and I can't breathe just trying to cope with it all. I don't know how to. I don't know where to begin." She shook her head again. "I need something from you. I need. I need my best friend."

"I don't know how to be that person for you right now, Britt," Santana whispered.

"Yes, you do," Brittany said with a plea in her eyes. "You're just scared to mess it up."

"I can't do this! Don't you understand?" Santana asked. "This isn't about you."

"I'm sorry, I have a hard time believing that this isn't about me," Brittany argued. "It includes me. I'm involved in this. You can't just count me out because you think I can't hack it."

"This isn't me telling you that Santa isn't real or something," she said putting her hand on her chest. "This is my life. This is me."

"I don't care about what happened or anything, Santana," Brittany whispered taking a step forward. "I just need you."

"This is me," Santana hissed. "I'm not asking you to accept my past. I'm asking you to see me. It is me. And you don't. You don't see it."

Brittany let out a sob. "I don't see it? I love you and I know you better than you have ever given me credit for!"

Santana wiped her tears. "You're figuring out how to live in this world with this new identity?" It was part question, part statement.

The blonde nodded. "Yes, and so are you."

"I can't," Santana said. "It's not just about the whispers and the talks and feeling exposed and naked in front of everyone as they wonder and take bets on if they knew about it before Finn Fucking Hudson announced it. It's about me and what this means to me just as what it means for you. I don't feel relieved or panicked. I'm tired and I can't... I can't do this with you."

Brittany started to sob.

Santana watched her. "At least not yet," she whispered. Their eyes met. She surprised herself. "I don't know if I'm ready to do anything. I know I've let you down. And I know I'm not helping." She took Brittany's hand. "But I know that I need my best friend. Tears filled her eyes. "Maybe we can't really forget about all the other stuff. I mean... I know we can't... but..."

"I need my best friend too," Brittany whispered. She shook her head. "Fuck the labels."

"I don't know how to love you." Santana took her hand back.

"I don't need you to," Brittany replied. "I just need you to be my friend again."

"I don't know how to do that," she said quietly. She took Brittany's hand back. "But I'll try."

Santana watched Brittany's car drive away. They didn't kiss. They barely hugged, but they touched. She closed the door behind her.

Her mother was looking at her.

"Is Rachel asleep?"

Shelby nodded. "Sound asleep in her bed." She searched her daughter's. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"No," Santana whispered allowing her mother's arms to wrap around her.

Santana herself didn't know what happened. However, she felt like she bided herself more time to figure it out.

….

Quinn woke up with a start. It was dark. She couldn't be in this bed. She glanced over at her clock with exhaustion. one-fifteen in the morning. She had slept for two hours. two hours. The sunshine state allowed her to sleep. Now she was back. Now she was awake. She crawled out of bed and curled up in the corner. She stared up at the ceiling and before she knew it, it was morning.

"Did you sleep at all?" Shelby asked as she opened the door.

"Not really," she muttered.

"Can I talk to you about today?" Shelby asked sitting down.

Quinn squeezed her eyes shut. "Sure."

"We need to go down to the station today."

The blond looked at her with big eyes. "What? Why?"

"They have some questions about your father's case..." Shelby paused for a moment. "And your mother's involvement."

Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Her exhaustion restrained her, but in that moment she froze. She was frozen. She had escaped. She had slept and now she was wide awake in her reality again.

She felt like a zombie moving in slow-dead motion. She missed the part when San and Noah left for their therapy appointments with Joey. She missed driving to the police station. She even missed Rachel's panic as they walked in. She missed seeing Jackie in the station office. She missed Elyse asking her basic questions. he missed all of that. She was just frozen.

"Quinn? Quinn? Do you know where you are?"

She looked up. She didn't. She looked around. Rachel was sitting with Shelby outside in the main office area. She was in a room. She was in a small office with Jackie and a female detective.

"Yeah," she lied. "Of course."

"We need to talk to you about the marks on your back and how you got them," the officer said.

Quinn squeezed her eyes shut. Everyone thought it was her father. She had slipped and told the truth. She remembered exactly how she got them.

_She shuddered and stared up the ceiling. She was naked. He had been rough with her. The slickness between her thighs reminded her of her filth. She tried retracing her life so far in her head. How did she become the girl whose father came into her room at night? How did that happen? She remembered the first time that he took her virginity, the first time all of it had gone away. She lost count of all the times he felt her breasts or groped her ass. But the times that he had sex with her. She gagged. She felt another panic surge, before it had been four times. Four. Four in all of her sixteen years. She let out a sob. Now it was five. A whole hand. Five times too many. _

_She needed to get out of there. She needed to escape. Five times. She pulled her shirt over her head. What if... what if before she got out of there she could count the times on two hands...What if she had to count it on her toes... What if she ran out of toes? _

_No, she needed to get out of there. Silently, she slipped down the hallway. She felt relief as she made her way down the hallway and stairs. She was almost out. Almost to the door. _

"_Where the hell do you think you're going?" her mother slurred behind her. _

_She didn't turn around to face her. She knew she was in trouble. _

"_I don't care what the hell you do, but," her mother hissed and Quinn saw the glass of bourbon in her hand. "I care who you fuck." _

_Quinn felt her mother's hand clamp around her upper arm and drag her down the hallway to the study. Despite her drunken teetering, Judy managed to yank Quinn's pants down and her shirt up. _

"_Fucking whore!" she screamed as the belt slammed against Quinn's broken flesh. She felt another lash. "I'm the wife! I am!" Another. "But he chooses you. He always does." Another. Quinn was sobbing so loudly she could barely hear her mother was breathless. "Five seems to be the number tonight." Judy leered back and brought the leather against Quinn's bare bottom The belt fell. _

"Yes," Quinn said absently.

"It wasn't a yes or no question."

She looked up at them. She gave a slight nod. "What was the question?"

"We have DNA evidence against your father," a woman told her. "Did your mother ever hurt you?"

Quinn looked at the ground. She shouldn't be here.

"Quinn," an officer stepped up. "Your mother is saying that she believes you are lying about what your father did, that she didn't know. However, we have evidence against him." She took a breath. "Is there anything else we need to know?" Quinn remained silent. "You'll never have to be with them again. They won't hurt you."

Quinn bit her lip. "She knew. She might not remember because she drank so much but she knew."

The officers exchanged looks. "Did she ever hurt you?"

"When didn't she?" she mumbled. "My father wasn't the only one that used the belt...She knew...She knew..."

Jackie entered the room with Shelby. "Quinn?"

She looked up and felt like she was far away. "What?"

"You're done here," Shelby said kneeling in front of her.

"Already?" she asked.

Shelby looked over at her colleague. "You need to go to therapy, Quinn. Just for a bit. Okay? Joey's going to pick you up."

"I don't need it," she said quietly.

"I think you do."

"Whatever," she mumbled.

They all walked out of the station. Rachel was silently holding her hand. All of them were too stuck in their own thoughts to notice the person across the street watching them with increasing frustration that had now reached an out of control boiling point.

….

They walked into the studio together. They had just dropped Quinn off. Shelby knew her youngest saw the vacant look in Quinn's eyes and was worried, but she hadn't asked the questions yet. Dance, then meet the kids at home from practice, meeting Quinn at home, then their day was done. That's it. So close.

Shelby noticed Rachel's head was still bowed as she headed quietly toward the changing room.

"Bug?"

"Yeah?" Rachel asked pausing and looking up.

"You don't have to do a class if you don't want to. You can just watch," she said gently.

"No," she said quietly. "I want to do this."

Shelby searched her eyes and nodded. "Okay," she whispered. She started to follow her.

"You're not following me, are you?" Rachel asked. "I'm changing. I'm just changing. I don't need you to follow me."

"I know that, but I -"

"No, buts," Rachel interrupted. "I'll be okay, Mom."

She took a deep breath. Rachel took that as her queue.

"Be right back," she muttered and disappeared into the changing room.

Rachel walked quietly into the changing room. It wasn't very loud. Most of the girls had already changed. She walked over to her locker. Each locker was decorated and had their names on it. She looked sadly at hers. Everything that used to be fun seems strangely far away.

"Hey Rachel."

She looked up and Molly Horn was looking at her with a soft smile. "Hi," she said.

"You almost ready? I can wait for you," the girl offered.

"No, it's okay," Rachel shrugged. "I need to change and everything. I'll be out in minute."

Molly smiled. "Alright, see you out there."

The girl disappeared around the corner. Rachel still had her bag on her shoulder. She lifted the strap over her head and began to unbutton her peacoat. She jumped at a shuffle behind her.

"Molly?" she asked looking up and around the corner. She heard the shuffle again. "Hello?" She stood up with her coat only half unbuttoned and looked around the other corner. "Hello?"

"Hello," said a voice behind her.

Rachel knew that voice. She felt fear clamp her body and lose control of her bladder. She couldn't move; she could barely breathe. How was he in here? She was frozen. She couldn't turn around. Suddenly she felt a hand on her mouth. She realized there was a cloth in his palm as her vision faded to blackness.

"How's my good girl?" she heard him whisper before darkness surrounded her.

…...

Bear sat in the Hummel-Hudson living room. He stared at the little boy in front of him.

"Do you understand why I'm here?" Bear asked.

"Yes, sir," Kurt said with a nod.

"I want to ask you about about Mr. Schuester," he said carefully exchanging looks to Burt and Carol who stood behind the sofa couch.

The boy nodded. "Yeah, I didn't like him. I stopped going."

"Why didn't you like him?"

He paused and looked at his parents. "Because he made scared."

"How so?"

Kurt bit his lip. "You know the house on Mill Ave? The creepy one? It's like that. I just had a feeling." He took a deep breath. "I'm not the only one who felt that way?"

"What do you mean?"

"The other girls he had lessons with felt like that too,"he said casually but slowly realized what he was saying.

Bear looked at him with a deep frown. "What other girls?"

Bear's phone suddenly rang. "Hold on, Kurt," he said noticing it was the office. "Carlson," he answered. The officer on the other end told him the news. His heart stopped.

…...

Quinn looked at her hands before unbuckling her seatbelt. She hadn't been able to stay there. It was as if she woke up as soon as she was dropped off. She didn't want to talk about it. She couldn't even feel any of it. She wanted to be distracted. She needed it. Joey hadn't been there. She took out the cell phone that Shelby had picked up for her earlier and called the one person in her phone book that wasn't the Corcorans or Brittany, hoping she could catch him before his practice began.

He picked up and they drove in silence.

"Thank you," she finally said looking ahead of her.

He gave a shrug and a smile. "Yeah of course." He gave a sigh. "There's no shame in going, Q."

"I didn't call you for a pep talk, Sam," she snapped. "I called you because you're my friend and I thought you weren't going to berate me with questions."

He looked at her with a smug grin. "We are friends and this is why I'm telling you this, Q. Life's hard and I know that you know that more than anyone, but it doesn't mean that it's not hard for everyone else."

Sam climbed from the car and started walking toward the school. Quinn shot out of the car and stormed after him. "Don't you think I know that? I mean really, Sam?" Sam stopped in place and looked at over at the blond.

"You're my friend, but sometimes I don't think you really do. We've been friends for a long time, but only when it's convenient for you." He gave a slight shake of his head. "Have a good practice."

She frowned as she watched the door of the school close behind him. He had no idea what he was talking about. He didn't; he couldn't.

She sighed and shook it off and walked onto the field. She gave a smirk and ordered the first freshman she could find back to the school to fetch her a bottle of whatever. She spots Brittany and Santana on the field stretching. Santana is lecturing a junior about her lack of care in her appearance. She saw the brunette falter when their eyes met. The junior was barked away.

"What are you doing here?" Santana asked getting to the chase.

"Knitting," Quinn said as she peeled off her letterman jacket. "What do you think?"

Santana released an annoyed breath of air. She folded her arms over her chest. "You know what I mean."

"I didn't feel like going, okay?" Quinn snapped. "Please don't be the poster child for therapy because I know you hate it too."

"Mom's going to kill you," Santana said as the three of them walked over to the bench.

"I don't care what _your_ mom does," Quinn replied. "I just needed to be here."

Santana looked over at Brittany and then back at Quinn. "You can't practice with us."

"You're joking," the blonde gawked.

"She's not," Sue interrupted walking over to them. "You're not supposed to be here, Quinn, so at most you can sit and watch, but that's it."

…

Shelby stared at the door. Okay, Rach, anytime she thought to herself. It had been exactly ten minutes since Rachel went in there. Molly Horn just passed her after Rachel has been there for about two minutes and told her that Rachel said she would be out in a few minutes. Well, it had been a few minutes and Shelby felt her heart in her chest. She had counted meticulously in her head every moment Rachel wasn't in her sight, every second. Screw it, she thought. She was going in.

"Rachel?" she asked as she entered the room. She walked over to the aisle where Rachel's locker was. Her bag was there, but Rachel wasn't.

"Bug?" she called.

She went over to the bathroom stalls pushed open every door with vigor. Empty. Empty. Empty. She ran through the locker room. "Rachel!"

Nothing

She rummaged her phone out of her pocket with a shaky hand. As she was about to dial she heard a banging. She followed the noise. The back door emergency exit door was banging against the outside wall in the wind. It was wide open and no alarms were going off. Someone had disconnected them. She frantically began to dial.

"911. What's your emergency?"

…...

Rachel woke up and her vision was blotchy. There was carpet beneath her. She looked at the ceiling. She knew that ceiling. She felt a panic in her chest. She was back in his office.

"Hi, Rachel," he said above her. She looked up in fear and Mr. Schuester was standing above her. He pulled her to her feet. He reached forward and unbuttoned her coat. She flinched. "Don't pull away from me," he hissed throwing her coat into the choir room and slamming his office door shut. "I am not happy, Rachel."

She shook in front of him in her. He bent over and brought her chin him so that their eyes met. "Do you know why?" he asked. She shook her head frantically. "Because you didn't tell me our last lesson was our last. He said carefully. He shook his head. "I'm upset," he said clearly as he stood up. She cowered in front of him shaking wondering for the first time how she would survive this and if he would even let her. "I noticed you had an accident in the changing room," he taunted. Rachel felt tears of shame pour down her face. "Take off your panties, Rachel." She sobbed, but didn't move. "Okay I'll do it for you." She let out a whimper as he reached for her.

…...

Bear rushed into the studio. He saw Shelby's panicked face.

"Shelby!" He ran to her. "What happened?"

"She... She … she went into change. She was there for ten minutes and then I went in, Bear... Ten minutes," she said shakily. "She's gone. She's...gone..."

"We'll find her," he assured. "He turned to Gus. What do we have?"

"Nothing, but a bag. No huge sign of struggle," Gus said.

"She's barely seventy-five pounds," Bear said. "Clearly, if an adult took her there would be no struggle." He looked around at the other officers scanning the room. "Who was the last to see her?"

"I was," Molly Horn said quietly. A female officer stood behind her. "I swear Chief Carlson. I didn't know."

"It's not your fault," he assured kneeling down. "Tell me what happened."

…..

Rachel let out a sob. He had removed her underwear. He had untucked and unbuttoned her blouse. He had ripped open her undershirt exposing her. He was huffing and muttering and whispering strange things. She could barely hear him though; she felt as if she was sobbing underwater. No one would hear her. It was still spring break. Her siblings were outside at the one practice during spring break. However, she let out a sob. No one could hear her; no one even knew she was there. She felt her body being roughly turned around and him shaking her.

"I said, bend over!" He pushed her over the desk, forcing her face down onto the top of the desk. .

She sobbed as he forced her over. She felt him grinding in the back of her bottom. "I'm going to make you feel good. Now hold still."

He reached his hand to the front of her skirt over her now bare flesh as he continued to grind against her. He reached his hand down and found what he was looking for and began to rub. Rachel let out a sob at his rough fingers.

"You'll feel good just hold on," he hissed as he slammed her body into the desk. She sobbed as he rubbed more vigorously. She felt her skirt flip up in the back and he brought his hand forcefully on her backside causing her thrust forward into his other hand. "I said, shut up!" He ground harder with his hips and also with his fingers. It was burning and it hurt. He reached his fingers lower and she felt him at her entrance. "Why the hell aren't you wet?"

She frowned as she sobbed. What was he talking about?

"Get wet, damn it!" he yelled grinding hard with his hand on her front and hard against her bottom with his hips. "You should have gotten wet. I can make you feel."

She sobbed. It was all hurting too much.

"Well, I tried. Open your legs," he hissed. She didn't move. He hit her again. "I said open."

She widened her legs more. He pushed her forward roughly and pulled his hand from the front of her and clamped it around her mouth. "Because you didn't get wet, this will hurt," he hissed. She furrowed her brow and a panic rose in her chest. Without warning, he pushed forward and used his other hand to shove three fingers into her. She screamed into his palm. He worked them in and out of her tight, dry channel. "You deserve this. You're the one who didn't get wet."

She screamed. It hurt inside as he moved. He was not only stretching her but scratching her. She squeezed her eyes shut.

_Rachel's eyes snapped open. She heard struggling. She reached out next to her. Santana would protect her. There was no one there. All she felt were sheets. The bed was empty. _

"_Sanny?" she called out. _

_The pants and the muffled scream stopped. _

"_Sanny?" she asked the darkness._

"_Looks who's awake, Santana," she heard her scary Papa say._

_Then she heard him scream. She heard him scream like she had never heard him scream before, like someone had hurt him. Rachel heard his big boots stomp on the floor. She grabbed her blanket next to her and pulled if over her body and hid her head. She had to hide. _

_She felt the blanket being yanked from her and his body smashing hers. "You can't hide from me, Rachel." He was laying on top of her. _

_She felt his hands. He was moving her body around like a rag doll. It was dark she kept reaching out for Santana. She put her hands on against his chest to make it not feel as if he was squishing her, but she felt squished. She sobbed. He pressed her into the mattress and it scared her._

"_Sanny!" she screamed. _

_She felt her body slam into the mattress. "Shut up, you little shit! Stop crying."_

_Then she felt it. She couldn't move. He was stabbing her. Right? That's what that was. She couldn't see, hear, or breathe because it hurt so much. It hurt worse than when he changed her diaper. So much worse. _

…...

Shelby heard Molly speak. Rachel would have never changed in front of Molly. She felt stupid.

"How-how-how..." She couldn't find her words.

"Shelby," Bear said after he sent Molly back to her mother. "I'm going to have an officer drive you to the school and pick up the kids. Joey is already on her way to get Quinn. Go home. I'll meet you there. I'll tell you if I hear anything."

"I-I-I-I can't," she said. She looked at her brother-in-law. "This can't happen, Bear. It can't happen to her again. I can't … we can't. She won't survive." Shelby sobbed and put her hand over her mouth. "Oh, God."

"Donnelly!" Bear yelled. "Bring Shelby to McKinley, get the kids and take her home."

"Bear, I can't-"

"Go, Shelby," Bear said frantically. "I'm not arguing with you."

Bear watched his distraught sister-in-law disappear into the crowd. He turned to his partner. "I want a warrant for Will Schuester's house ASAP. We are heading over now. It better meet me there."

…...

She felt as if she was in a daze. She opened her eyes. She didn't realize that had squeezed tight. Her body slowly began to register all that she was She felt his panting breath on the back of her neck. Then she finally allowed her body to feel it. She felt her knee socks bunched at her ankles. And then she felt his hand at the tops of her legs and his fingers pounding into her.

She let out a sob. "No," she cried. "No more, please."

He leaned closer to her ear pressing her into the wall. "Shhhh, you like it."

He slammed into her harder and harder. She sobbed into him trying to push him off of her. The pain was throbbing like she was being stabbed. She paused for a quick second, like she felt before. She could feel a warm liquid trickling down her legs. She looked down and blood was staining the carpet.

She squeezed her eyes shut.

She wasn't in the office anymore. She was in the dark again, but she hadn't escaped she was on the bed.

_She could hear Santana crying and a pounding on a door. Was someone knocking? Noah? She still felt squished. She could still feel the stabbing. She didn't know that he had a knife. She cried out as her knife shifted. She reached her arms out in pain. She screamed. Suddenly she felt a hand engulf hers. It was smaller and gentler. _

"…_..I got you….. I'm right here…"_

_Her tear-filled eyes tried to look in the darkness at the hand. _

"_Sanny?"_

"_You little bitch!" the scary Papa yelled. The knife suddenly went away. She felt an ache and throbbing where her diaper normally was. She sobbed. She heard muffled screams as she tried to cry her pain away. Everything was dark. She couldn't move. However, in that moment she realized that the wasn't squished anymore, but the hand holding hers was weakening. She blinked more. The tears calmed. _

"_Sanny?"_

_Suddenly it felt like her ears opened. She heard Santana crying out and she heard her papa hitting her. Rachel tightened the fist that she remembered the hand was in. It was gone._

She was brought back to the present when she felt her legs being opened more. She opened her eyes that were squeezed shut. Mr. Schuester was on top of her panting. She couldn't do this. She couldn't. Everything from that room was coming back. She looked at her teacher's face and kept seeing flashes of her papa.

"Please," she sobbed.

"Shhhh, Rachel," he said as he ground her into the linoleum floor with his hips. How did she get on the floor? "You'll like this."

He sat up and undid his pants. "Time for you to become a woman." She felt it. She felt the bulge at her entrance. She couldn't do this. She wasn't going to.

"N-n-n-no," she sobbed. She shook her head and kicked her legs and arms. "Please," she begged as she pushed against him. "Please, stop! Please!"

She struggled beneath him. His knees squeezed her hips in place. He flipped up her skirt.. "Too bad you didn't get wet. Are you yet?" he asked as he felt the skin he had just made raw. She felt him touch her and go inside. She sobbed trying to push him away. "Not yet," he whispered leaning down and kissing her softly on the lips. She tried to push him away, but she was too little. Her hands weren't doing anything. He wasn't moving an inch.

She thought back to what her sister always told her. "Go for the eyes, Rach," Santana had whispered to her. She had told her if anyone ever grabbed her. "Their weakest point was their eyes."

Rachel looked up at him with her tear-stained face. She reached up and used both her fists to hit in the eyes. He groaned in pain lifting up slightly. Breathing heavily she slipped out from underneath him. She scrambled across the floor. She was sobbing and she clawed across the floor to get away. She felt her heart shoot to her throat when she felt a hand clamp around her ankle and yank her back toward him.

…..

Quinn marched off the field. She wasn't going to take this bullshit. She needed something, anything to distract her. Rachel. she had been acting so weird. She had a feeling in the pit of her stomach but she didn't want to admit that. Rachel would say something; she was braver than Quinn. However, she was also brave enough not to say something if he threatened them. She knew he had done something; he had shut her up. Santana and Noah had talked about confronting him, but Quinn knew better. She wasn't going to wait. She was told not to ask Rachel, but she was never told not to ask him. She felt an anger surge through her veins as she marched into the school and down the hallway in search of an answer to someone else's problem so that she could ignore her own.

…...

Rachel felt her half naked form being dragged back to him. No, she wasn't going to do this. This wasn't going to happen. She rolled over on her back as he dragged her toward him by one ankle. When she got closer and reeled back and kicked him in the face causing him to let go and scream in pain. She then ran. She ran as fast as she could. Not caring about anything but getting away.

….

Quinn got to the music room and the door was closed and it was quiet. She opened it without knocking.

"Quinn, hello," Will said with a smile as he tucked in his shirt. "What a surprise?"

"What did you do to Rachel?" she asked not beating around the bush.

"What?" he asked casually.

"Changing in here?" she asked with a scoff.

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Had to change my shirt. Damn coffee."

Quinn stared at him with a deep frown. "Whatever." She looked around that room. "Why's Rachel's stuff in here?"

She frowned. Rachel's jacket. Rachel was supposed to be at dance. She looked around the choir room. No one. Quinn saw for the first time that his cheek was bruised. "What happened to your face?"

She didn't wait for him to answer as she walked into the room further looking around. "I don't know what you're looking for," Will said as he followed her.

"Rach?" she called out. She went to his office and went behind the desk.

It was a mess, but there was no Rachel. Quinn froze. There was blood on the carpet. She looked closer. There was a pile underneath the desk. It was Rachel's underwear.

Quinn turned to face him sharply. "Where the hell is Rachel?"

Will glared at her. "You can't just barge in -"

"I can," she hissed. "Where is she?"

"I don't know," he said honestly.

She walked close to him. "When I find out what you did," she paused and looked into his eyes. "I'll kill you."

He frowned but didn't say another word or have the chance to because Quinn raced past him. She grabbed Rachel's coat and started toward the door.. She stopped and turned to him. "You better start packing your things because once I find Rachel and make sure she's alright, I'll be coming for you."

"Is that so?" he taunted. She saw a hint in his eyes that was never there before. She took a step back. "You think you're so damn tough, don't you?"

"Get away from me," she hissed starting for the door of the choir room.

"You're not going anywhere, Quinn," he laughed. He shook his head with a cackle. He put his body in front of her to stop her. "I heard all about the fun you and Daddy had," he said with a smile as he stroked her cheek. She flinched away, but he grabbed the back her neck. He brought her face close to his and she tried to pull away. "You're going to ruin that family. You already have. Rachel's so damaged and they're going to look at you as the cause of that. They'll split the whole family up if you tell anyone. I won't tell anyone about this if you give me what I want. I can't ruin everything for you. You must keep this quiet. You owe me now. You owe me for silence." She looked up at him realizing that's how he must have threatened Rachel. He threatened to take her away. He leaned closer to her with a smile. "I will fuck you like your Daddy did," he hissed. She let out a sob as he pushed her against the wall. Her father used to be rough with her. She felt like she was a helpless child again. She felt stuck. He grinned in satisfaction. "You're a woman. I can't wait to feel you. Rachel struggled and cried too much and didn't even get wet," he taunted.

She froze. She saw her father. She felt the fear in her chest that she felt night after night living in that awful house. However, it has always just been her; just her. He looked at her with a rabid rage and that's where Quinn ironically regained her hope. Rachel got away, she realized. He was freaking out because Rachel got away.

She screamed in anguish letting her fury fuel her strength to push him off of her.

"Son of a bitch!" she screamed.

"You like it rough, huh?" he hissed as he pushed her back against the wall. "I can give you rough."

She felt a panic in her chest again. This wasn't going to happen to her. She couldn't. Night after night with her father, she wanted nothing more than to fight back. Somehow though, she never did. She saw the same hunger in Mr. Schuester's eyes as he tried to regain control of her while he pushed her against the wall.

"Bend over like the slut you are," he fired trying to turn her around.

She fought. She fought and waved her arms and jutted her elbows. This wasn't going to be her story. Suddenly, as she struggled in fear for her own safety, Rachel flashed in her mind. She was somewhere alone and scared and brutalized. Quinn looked at the man trying to push her into the wall. Her panic was still paralyzing her chest, but she gained a new strength.

"I'm not a slut!" she fired and shoved him away.

She managed to get him off of her long enough to get to the door. "I said you're not going anywhere!" he yelled from behind her. She spotted a music stand and grabbed it. she swung it back clocking him beside the head. He fell to the ground with a moan with his pants around his ankles. She ran down the hallway in search of Rachel, hoping she wasn't too late.

She was panicked. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest. She didn't know what just happened. She didn't know how to wrap her head around it. All she felt was a strange surge of anger, accomplishment, fear and anxiety lift her body. She needed to find Rachel. She had to. She ran down the hallway at full speed.

About five minutes later she was at a loss. She didn't know where to look. She hated that there was no way to contact her. Rachel didn't have a cellphone. She was eleven for Christ's sake. Quinn felt her heart in throat and she squeezed her eyes shut. She was eleven.

"Fuck!" she screamed. She remembered Santana saying Rachel liked small spaces. She could be in a science cabinet for all Quinn knew. She needed to tell Santana. Santana would know. She paused. Santana would go postal. She shook her head, but Santana would know.

She rushed back into the locker room and toward the field. She didn't care that she was mad at Santana. Rachel came first and -

Quinn froze.

There in the corner of the locker room aisle on the floor was Rachel.

Her cheeks were tear stained. She was shaking. Her blouse and skirt were disheveled. Her knee socks were down. Quinn hated when her gut was right.

Quinn walked slowly over to her. "Rach?"

The girl flinched. "Rachel, it's me Quinn." Rachel looked at her and immediately latched onto her neck. "Let's go call Mom."

Rachel began to sob. "No, no, no, please." She wrapped her arms more tightly around Quinn's neck into a tighter hug causing the older girl to tumble to the ground. "Please just take me away from here. P-p-p-lease."

Perhaps she should have called Shelby. Perhaps she should have called the police. Maybe she should have run and gotten Santana. However, in that moment, Quinn was holding Rachel. She was sixteen and she knew exactly what Rachel was feeling without the girl telling her. She herself had gone to the park for a reason. She couldn't find rationality in her to force Rachel to do something she didn't want to do.

"Okay," she whispered. "Okay."

Quinn managed to help the girl straighten her clothes. She soothed the withdrawn girl who became glued to her side. She didn't want to take her straight to the hospital or straight to the police because she knew how scared Rachel was in that moment. It didn't matter that it was the right thing to do, but Rachel needed Quinn to be there. Quinn knew all too well. She promised herself she would call Shelby after practice. They would be back by the time practice ended. She would take care of it then, but right now this little girl needed her not to bombard her. Not yet. She managed to sneak into the boys locker room and find Noah's car keys.

Quinn took Rachel's hand and walked her out to the student parking lot. The climbed into the car. Quinn thought about protesting when Rachel climbed into the front. Rachel shouldn't sit in the front. However, they needed to get out of there. She wasn't going to argue. Quinn would drive five miles under the speed limit if she had to, but she would get her out of there.

…..

Noah looked up from where he and the team were standing on the sideline. Beiste was hollering at someone about protecting the quarterback's blind side. He heard an engine rev up and the noise drowned out. All he heard was the engine.. No... That couldn't be... He heard the gear stall.

"Oh fuck!" he screamed. He dropped his helmet and water bottle and sprinted toward the end of the field that bordered the student parking lot.

"Corcoran!" Beiste telled. "What the hell are you doing?"

Santana was avoiding Brittany's eyes. She didn't know what to say besides "I'm sorry I suck at this." However, she was trying to come up with more than that before she responded, so she chose silence instead.

"Corcoran!"

She turned at her last name and realized it was the football coach calling after her brother who was running like his ass was on fire toward the student parking lot.

"Noah! What's going on?" she yelled dropped her pom-poms and began running after him. "Noah?"

She suddenly heard the engine of her brother's Mustang. She quickened her run into a sprint.

"Damn it! Damn it!" he screamed as he ran into the parking lot to see his car pull out into the road. "FUCK!" he screamed. "I didn't even see who was driving!" He kicked the trashcan over. "Fucking hell!"

Santana frowned after the car. She wouldn't. She shook her head. She couldn't. No, she told herself. Quinn would be mad but she wouldn't take Noah's car.

"Santana, your phone's ringing," Brittany called out from the field. "It's your mom."

"Let it ring," Santana shouted back turning her attention back to her brother. "Noah, I -"

"Santana, she's calling my phone now," Brittany said walking toward them with her phone to her ear. Her pace slowing and her face losing color.

Santana turned to her ready to tell her that her mother could wait when she saw Brittany's face. "What's wrong?" she asked.

Brittany handed her the phone. "Something happened at Rachel's dance class."

Santana looked at her big brother with concern, desperate for guidance.

…..

Once on the road, with both hands at ten and two, Quinn turned to Rachel.

"Are you hurt?"

Rachel shook her head. "Not really." She wiped her tears. She was shaking and Quinn could see it.

"He told me what he did to you," Quinn said hurriedly. She swallowed and let a silent tear drip down her cheek. "I saw the blood, Rach. I know you're hurt."

Rachel began to sob. "I'm so sorry," she quivered. "I'm so sorry."

She stopped at a stop light and looked over at the girl. "I'll make this right, Rachel. I promise you."

The tiny girl looked up at Quinn. Suddenly there was a honk as someone from the opposite direction ran a red. Both of the girls looked up. The last thing they saw was the other car heading towards them.

…...

Shelby pulled up to the school with the young officer and Santana ran toward her in tears.

"What's going on? What's going on?" she looked at her mother desperately. "What's going on?" She looked around. "Where is she? WHERE'S RACHEL?"

She looked at her daughter, frozen and unable to speak.

Suddenly, there was a call over the radio on the young police officers chest. "Donnelly, come in."

"Yes?" the young officer asked stepping away from the family. However, they watched him closely listening for every detail.

"Meet us at Lima General."

Santana felt a sob escape her lips.

"Yes, sir," the young officer replied.

…...

Quinn's eyes flickered open. Ouch. Her entire body hurt. They were sitting at a light. They were sitting at a light, she repeated to herself. She shot up.

"Rachel!" she looked to the passenger seat.

She looked over to her right. How were they upside down. When had the car flipped?

"Rachel!" the tiny girl was next to her but her eyes were closed and she wasn't moving. "Bug," she said as she put her hand on her. "Wake up! Please! Rachel, wake up!"

"We're going to get you out," someone said suddenly.

Quinn turned and there was a paramedic next to her. "Help her! Please!"

"We'll get you both out," he said. "Just stay calm."

"I won't be fucking calm until she's awake and okay!" Quinn screamed. She felt her hand move. "Rachel?"

Rachel opened her eyes. She saw the tears immediately fill them when she realized where they were.

"It's going to be okay," she whispered. "Just stay awake." That's what the medical shows say, Quinn told herself forcing herself to remain calm. She took Rachel's hand and felt thankful when Rachel squeezed back. They just had to stay awake.

**So... a lot happened in this chapter. Like I said before it was the plan all along. I really hope you continue to take this journey with me. I know that this chapter was tough and dramatic. Please let me know if your feelings. I hope you stick with this and this chapter didn't scare you away.**


	33. Chapter 33

Sharkfin - Judy is not Quinn's emergency contact. Quinn just had surgery a couple of weeks ago and it was updated back then. Thanks for the review.

Qwerty – You are so right – Rachel should have been in the back seat! There are lots of rules broken by Quinn but she had to get out of there. Thanks for the review.

lovecanbesostrange – Quinn's feelings are not going to change over night and even though she is starting to feel somewhat part of this family when more of the family is introduced she would naturally shy away. Family to her is a four letter word and it is painful and just as she was starting to feel more comfortable she gets thrown into more family. In the long run what Santana has been holding from Rachel is actually one of the things holding Santana back. She has blocked it out for so long or tried to that she never dealt with it. They are recognizing this and will deal with it. Santana's pain and issue will be addressed more and trust me that have not been overlooked. She will get intense counseling and it will be changing as they see that it should. Also Brittany will help Santana through this a lot in the next coming chapters. The letter is very troublesome. We will have to see how Noah handles this. It was good that Quinn skipped her appointment and with all that goes on I am sure that Shelby will have more on her mind than scolding her for this but later on that matter maybe addressed. The accident is NOT Quinn's fault at all – they were stopped at a light and the cars hit them. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. We shall see how quickly Will is caught because this accident has strained the police department at the moment. Thanks for reviewing.

Manly – Thank you for reviewing and taking my advice about sitting down. You are right, Quinn will forget about her injuries and focus on Rachel and it is typical Santana behavior. Mr. Schue is a creep but he is a teacher and he had access to the school files so that is one way that he found out about poor Quinn.

Tcathing – Mr. Schuester posed no threat to the 3 oldest and he shouldn't have been at the school because it is still school break so there was no threat there for Shelby . The school, specifically Figgins and Sue knew about Quinn and what was happening to her – all of the teachers were notified that her parent was now Shelby so Schuester being the creep that he is would have gone into Figgins office and snooped some more to find out anything he could on the Corcoran family. Thanks for always reviewing – I love having such dedicated fans.

Cookie – Santana is very complicated and complex. She does want to control things but can't always and that gets her into more trouble. More things will come out now that this has happened and Santana is forced to remember just so she can process it all and Quinn still needs to process her things and get through a trial. Right now I have no plans at all to have Santana ask for a boob job but I also feel that Shelby would never let her get one anyway. Thanks for reviewing.

Piper- This is going to be a really rough chapter for Shelby and the family. Things are really starting to crumble again and she needs to stop them. Thanks for the review.

carbygurl05 – Rachel is hurting so much and it hurt me too. She is a fighter and she will come back stronger. The 3 older kids will have to be watched closely now that their kid sister was touched again. With Quinn it does show growth to care for someone as much as she cares for Rachel. There will be lots of hospital scenes this chapter. Your rambling did make lots of sense and thank you!

GreenPenguin – Thank you for sticking with this story and powering through. It is a difficult read for many and I hope I can show growth of each of the characters.

Drea LuRuiz – Thank you – 2 am to read this – wow – not something that I would have imagined but. Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope to continue to awe you.

Anna – I can tell you right now that it was not Mr. Shue who hit them. He would definitely get caught if it were. The accident was just that an accident – no new characters. Thanks for reviewing.

qwertyuiop1234 – Rachel was running on adrenaline. She would have been in tremendous pain but she was fighting for her life so no matter what it took she was getting out of there. Yes Rachel is now hurt from the abuse and from the car accident but they will see at the hospital that it doesn't add up to a simple car accident. Sorry for the cliffhanger – Thanks for the review.

Gleek1990 – Nope it wasn't Shue that hit them. Lots of drama in this chapter though. Thanks for the review.

Scout – They all will blame themselves a little and the girls will need extensive therapy to realize it is not their fault. Hindsight is 50/50 and Quinn did what she thought was best for Rachel at the time. Thanks for reviewing.

piecesofyourheart – There is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. I know it looks rough right now – really rough – but it will get better I just don't know how quickly yet. Thanks for hanging in there though.

Stevensone – Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate them more than you know.

Ryoko05 – Thank you for your commitment! I truly appreciate it.

SuzQQ – It was a really hard read but it was needed and thank you for sticking with it. Its ok that you couldn't read it all – it is tough. I think if Quinn rethought about it she may have texted or called Shelby but she was battling with the fact that she was almost raped, she wanted to get her kid sister out of there and she was in potential trouble for skipping her therapy appointment in the first place. Also, while Shelby has never punished Quinn with physical violence in Quinn's brain especially in a traumatic situation, he first thought would be that she will be beaten so all those things combined her decision to leave was the only one in her mind. While Dexter did not go through those things he did see them and he is only trying to encourage Noah to do the best thing that he can do and live for himself a little. He will be better getting an education and being happy so that he can help them in the long run. The thing with Noah is he hasn't voiced what he wants to do so he will work this out with Shelby's help. As always – thanks for reviewing.

Hayleywilliamsisasexymonster – Thank you so much for the compliments! Wow I am overwhelmed! As far as your question, why label yourself. Go with whatever feels right to you and makes you happy.

amandaes417 – you did not annoy me. I was very frustrated myself. Thank you so much for your kind words. The chapter did pack a punch and sometimes it has to be read over get just digest it. Thank you for sticking with me.

Bexy – I am sorry you lost interest. Thanks for complimenting the writing.

Carla-Leigh – The will survive but they have injuries that will need some time to heal. Unfortunately no one gets to beat Will this chapter. Thanks for reviewing.

eryn117 Here is the next chapter – I hope you like it. Thanks for the review.

Anon – Sorry I made your stomach turn. I hope you stick with it but I understand if you don't. Thank you for reading this far.

Renata – Shue did not rape Rachel – he molested her but he did not rape her she got away. What he did was awful and he should be locked away but he was stopped before an actual rape. They do try to examine Rachel in this chapter and you will see what happens in this chapter. Quinn and Rachel will bond more because of the recovery but they need Santana too. There is a reason why Quinn could sleep and it will be out in either this chapter or next. As always I love your reviews. Keep them coming.

TommyH – I love that you review Tommy ! Thank you

KatyVixen – Thank you for waiting until you were out of class! Thank you for reviewing.

Nancy – I am sad that this story is a bit down memory lane but I am glad that it helps you cope. Everyone has hope some just take longer to find it. Thanks for reviewing.

Hazelstar – The driver of the light gets what is coming to them in this chapter. And there is some nice Brittana moments in this one. Thanks for reviewing.

thisisnutz – thank you – I am sorry it is a very hard read but they make progress and they get through eventually I promise. Thanks for sticking with it and reading it.

btvscharmedgirl Quinn did tell the truth about Judy but she didn't really mean to – it shows that she is progressing though. This chapter has a lot of the accident in it. Thanks for reviewing.

Anon – I am sorry as hard as I try I can't seem to get the chapters out as quick as I would like. I hope you enjoy this one. Thanks

Bueller – This chapter was planned out more than 3 months ago so it was expected before the On my Way episode and we do not have a time jump in this! Thanks for reviewing. No maiming for Shue yet.

sillystarshine – Thank you so much – get the tissues ready for this chapter though.

sachiiko yuri – Thanks for commenting on the half you did read, I am glad when it is difficult for people that they still read the parts that they can and like it. Thank you so much,

sweetdreamer94 – sorry for making you cry. I know that this chapter is not out as quickly as you wanted but I needed to make it right. Thanks for reviewing.

NinjaGleek21 – sorry I had to leave it there. None of these main characters are going to die. I would never do that to you. I love them too too much. Thanks for the cookies!

broadwaybound2016 – It is a rollercoaster and will continue to be so hang on. Thank you for reviewing.

Filmaddict – I am still disturbed after watching the dragon tattoo movie. We shall see what happens to Mr. Shue but if the family gets him he wont last long. You have some good ideas on what to do with him though. I may refer back to your review when it comes time. Thank you!

pcall006 – Sorry for your puddle! Santana will struggle in the next couple of chapters big time. But she will get counseling and she will be watched closely. This is not going to be fixed over night. Brittany will get a bigger glimpse of the family first hand and overall I think that will only make their relationship stronger. I am glad you are finding it therapeutic. Thanks for the review.

HIsland429 – Noah is going to struggle in this chapter but I hope to show that the adults in his life are there for him too. He has been so strong for all of them. Thanks for the review.

Michelle – you are right unfortunately – this is harsh reality but I am hoping to show growth and peace and love will eventually win out in this story.

Jamison08 – thank you for your review.

marinka4 – you are not allowed to kill Shue just yet – soon though you may get a chance. I don't know if this is a good read before bed but I am glad you enjoyed it. Thanks so much.

pezberry2smith – Thank you so much for reviewing. Don't feel badly. Although I do love the reviews and it lets me know that people are still reading and still liking it. I am sorry I made you cry though.

OTHangels Thank you

Kimberlli – Hiram is a piece of work and the letter will be on Noah's mind for awhile now that 2 of his sisters are hurt. But it will be addressed trust me. I am impressed by all the different emotions that they chapter caused you. Thanks for reviewing.

**There are no words for your never-ceasing support. The simple fact that several of you describe yourselves as "puddles of emotions" says something on its own. I really am so appreciative of your support. **

** has been definitely acting up. This chapter many of your received alerts on by it took almost twelve hours for it to finally post. The chapter before posted but then no alerts were sent out. Hopefully, this chapter posts without flaw. Like I said, this was the plan since the beginning. Thank you for taking this ride with me. It's still has a while to go. **

**Small, tiny side notes: someone actually a few someones have mentioned fan art to me. I am blown away. I am honored. I would love and be grateful if any of you wanted to invest time and energy into that. When first mentioned, I had a tiny daydream of someone sending me a YouTube video of a trailer of my fic. hahaha whoa, it was just a dream, but just the idea was an honor. Thank you all for reading this and bringing it all the way up to 945 reviews. STUNNED STUNNED **

Chapter 33

Quinn took a deep breath. They were going to be okay. They had to be. They were going to be okay. But if everything was okay, why was everything moving in slow motion? Why did everything feel like she was underwater? Why did her ears were being plugged like they were on the plane? Her head ached too. She looked to her right. Despite the paramedic on the other side of her window who talking to her, all she could focus on was Rachel.

That's when Quinn noticed that the airbag bag had gone off. She messed this up. How could she have been so stupid? There was a reason Rachel shouldn't sit in the front and that was it. God damn it, she cursed herself. She gave another deep breath. Ouch.

"Rachel?" she asked leaning over as much as she could the damn seat belt was holding her back. "Rachel, look at me."

Quinn felt a panic as Rachel's eyes opened and closed and opened and closed again. "Rachel?" she called again.

"What happened?" the eleven year old whispered as her eyes remained closed.

She spotted the wheels of other vehicles and blue lights flash in the puddles around the car. The police were here. She turned her attention back to Rachel. She had to stay awake. She had to keep talking. You weren't as hurt if you were awake and talking, right?

"Rachel, you need to stay awake. Talk to me," Quinn said desperately as she reached over to her but then realized she couldn't move. Rachel's eyes squeezed shut. "Rachel, you have to stay awake."

"Quinn?" Rachel swallowed and opened her eyes. They were overflowing with tears. "I want my mom."

"I know," she whispered. She held her gaze for a moment before looking at the paramedic. She hardened her eyes and scolded the fireman who was on his stomach trying to get her door open. "Get her out!"

"We're working on it." The paramedic settled on her stomach next to the fireman began to speak. "My name is Angela. What's your name?"

"Her name is Rachel Corcoran. She's eleven years old. She's hurt. You need to get her out," Quinn said pulled away as the woman examined her head wound. She realized she was still upside down as the woman right side up came more into focus. "I said help her," Quinn snapped.

"My job is to help you," Angela said.

"I don't care," she barked, but then her head hurt because of it. "Ouch," she thought out loud.

"Exactly," Angela replied. "Now, tell me your name."

Quinn held her head, hoping to ease its pain. "Quinn. I'm her sister." She noticed that she said it without hesitation.

"How old are you?" Angela said asked as she put a brace around Quinn's upside down neck.

"Sixteen," she said with a wince. She looked over at Rachel. "Rachel, open your eyes. Talk to your person in your window."

Rachel squeezed her eyes shut and slowly opened them and looked over at the window. There was another paramedic.

"Hello, my name is Erin. Can you tell me your name?"

"R-r-r-rachel," she whispered. Her eyes teared up. "I don't feel good."

"Are you feeling nauseous?" Erin asked.

Quinn suddenly felt a surge in her own flipped stomach. Throwing up was exhausting and disgusting enough but throwing up upside down was bringing gross to a whole new level. She scrunched up her nose in repugnance.

"So gross," she mumbled as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. If the Mustang wasn't already ruined, Noah would kill her for puking in it.

"Rachel?" Erin asked.

"I don't feel good," she repeated in a whisper.

Quinn watched in horror as Rachel threw up too.

"Get her out ," Quinn ordered.

"We're waiting on the firemen," Angela said exchanging a look with Erin that didn't go unnoticed. She looked over her shoulder. "We need to get them out of here now!" she shouted.

"What's wrong?" Quinn asked swallowing another wave of nausea. "Help her."

"Let's just say that vomiting isn't good," Angela said quietly.

"We can get her out pretty easily," a fireman said looking in at Quinn.

"Get her out first," Quinn said sharply looking over at Rachel.

"We'll get her out, don't worry," the fireman said as Angela backed away.

"You better," she hissed. Quinn spotted firemen's boots walking toward Rachel's side.

"Quinn?" Rachel said with her eyes squeezed shut again.

"I'm right here," she whispered reaching her arm out. She pushed against the tight grip of the seat belt and took Rachel's hand. "Hold my hand, Rachel." She felt a tiny grip. "You're gonna be okay, okay? You're going to get out of this and see your mom and …"

"What am I going to do, Quinn?" she looked at her with a sob. "She can't know..."

Quinn felt an ache in her chest that wasn't from the car accident when she noticed the blood bleeding through Rachel's skirt.

"You have to pro..."Rachel squeezed her eyes shut. "-mise...Promise me... "

"I can't," Quinn whispered.

"Please," Rachel whispered. She took a deep breath and looked around in panic. "Quinn, what's going on?...I …. I want to get out... "

"I know," Quinn managed. Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt the fireman reaching in for her. "Hold on. Why aren't you getting her out?"

The door opened and the paramedic took of the driver's side door off of Noah's Mustang.

"Are you listening to me?" Quinn hissed as a fireman started to cut the seat belt . She was still holding Rachel's hand. "You need to get her out!" She looked over at Rachel. Her eyes were closed but her brow was no longer furrowed. Quinn's heart stopped. It was relaxed. "Rachel! Rachel, wake up!" She turned to the paramedic. "Get her out! Wake her up! She needs to talk! She needs to talk! If she's talking, she's okay." Her eyes stung. "Rachel, wake up," she whispered.

"We're going to cut you out, Quinn," a fireman said.

Quinn couldn't hear him. She could only see Rachel's face. It looked so relaxed. Suddenly, she felt herself being moved onto a board. She realized she didn't have Rachel's hand anymore.

"No! No!" she screamed. They removed her and put her on a backboard.

They strapped her in. Her body was aching. She still felt as if she was underwater and could barely notice all of the other cars around her or the mile of traffic that surrounded the infamous intersection.

"Wake her up," she whispered.

"Your head is bleeding, you need to relax," the paramedic said. "We're going to take you to the hospital and your -"

"Sister, she's my sister. You need to get her!" Quinn said. "Please," she looked up at the woman. "Please make sure she's okay. I'm fine. Leave me alone. Please go get her. Please."

"We've got her out," someone yelled.

Quinn started to sit up, but realized that she was strapped to a backboard and there was a brace around her neck. She moved her toes and finger tips.

"I can move my toes. I don't have a back injury," she screamed. "I need to get up."

"You probably have a concussion. Listen to me," she said. "You need to calm down. You are bleeding from your head. You can not help her if you don't calm down and let us work on the both of you. Now stop fighting so much or we will sedate you. Calm down."

"No, I will not calm down," Quinn hissed. "Please." She was begging. She was begging because she couldn't be the one that killed the one person who trusted her and relied on her. She was granted a glimmer of hope.

"Quinn!" Rachel sobbed from the other side of the car.

"She's awake," Quinn whispered. She was loaded into the ambulance. She stared above her and whispered in relief, "She's okay."

Laying on a stretcher with an aching body covered in the smell of vomit as the ambulance sped toward the hospital was needless to say uncomfortable. She needed to stay awake. She needed to stay awake because Rachel was awake. Rachel was awake, she repeated She was so concentrated on that that she didn't notice that Angela attached an IV and put on an oxygen mask on her face.

Finally the ambulance doors opened. "Quinn. Sixteen year old female. Her pressure is strong. Head trauma and possible concussion. She has some bruising on her abdomen. Possible internal injuries. Also her left wrist is fractured. Also slightly combative but I have a feeling that's just her personality."

The paramedic and the doctor exchanged a look.

The doctor leaned over her. "Hi, Quinn, I'm Dr-"

"Where's Rachel?" she asked removing the mask they put over her mouth and nose.

"You need to leave that on," the paramedic said.

Quinn pushed it aside. "Where is she?"

"Keep this on," the doctor informed her. "I'm Doctor Erons. You need to calm down."

Quinn suddenly heard a door clap open.

"Rachel Corcoran, eleven year old female. Pressure's dropping. Airbag hit her . Internal injuries, heavy bleeding. She was in and out before, but she lost consciousness about six minutes ago and hasn't regained."

Quinn pushed the mask off and tried to sit up, but forgot she was still strapped to the back board. "Rachel," she called. Her whole body ached.

"Quinn, you need to stay down," the doctor said.

Rachel was quickly pushed past her on a hospital gurney and behind a curtain. Doctors were talking every which way.

"Pressure is dropping?"

"Yes."

"Where the hell is this bleeding coming from?"

"Is the pressure still dropping?"

"Yes. Everyone quiet." There was a slight pause. Finally, a doctor talked again. "Her lung is punctured. Someone give me a chest tube."

Quinn sat up slightly and was pushed down again. They unstrapped her and moved her to a gurney. She shivered as they cut off her clothes and put her in a gown as they checked her vitals. She even saw the nurse and doctor exchange looks when they spotted a hand print bruise on her upper arm and she flinched when someone touched the bruise on her back.

"I need her to be okay," Quinn said sitting up. "Because she's-"

Rachel's sob interrupted her. She sighed slightly. She's awake again. Quinn's ears focused on the conversation behind the other curtain.

"She's out again."

"Let's get her out of these clothes. Someone grab me a gown and -"

"Shit-"

There was a silence.

"What?" Someone finally asked.

There was no response behind the curtain of the voices talking for a moment.

"Someone talk to me. What's going on?"

"I need to go talk to police. I thought this was just a car accident," a doctor said and Quinn watched him leave and approach the police.

Quinn watched him. She watched as the young doctor talked to the police. She watched his arms wave with anxiety and then run his hand through his hair with confusion. Quinn reached up with a trembling hand and moved her mask away. The doctor cleaning her wound opened her mouth to protest but Quinn beat her to the punch.

"His name is Will Schuester. He's her voice teacher. McKinley High School."

…...

Noah felt like his heart was going to explode in his chest. Rachel was missing. His car was stolen.

"What the hell is going on!" Santana screamed next to him. He was brought out of his stupor. "I mean we're driving a freaking police car. Can't you turn on your damn lights?"

Noah looked up and realized that the car wasn't moving. He realized his mother wasn't yelling at Santana. She swore... at a stranger... a police officer stranger... He looked at his mother. Why wasn't she yelling? He then realized that she hadn't said much since they left the school.

She had only said one thing since she arrived at the school. One thing. "Rachel was missing." That was it. That was all. Nothing more.

"What's going on?" he asked as he leaned forward.

"There's some kind of crash at Five Corners," Officer Donnelly said.

"The Five Corners of Death?" Santana asked with a frown. "There's an accident here practically every month. Can't we go around?"

"You know that we can't," the officer said. There was a reason why the intersection was always so busy. It was at the center of the whole town. You had to go through it to get anywhere. "People drive too fast and don't see others trying to cross. The City Council is trying to get another light in."

The four of them watched an ambulance speed by them.

Santana shook her head. "Listen, asshole, my sister is in the hospital and if that ambulance can get through this, you can. Turn on your damn lights."

"Santana!" Shelby screamed. The three of them jumped. Santana frowned at the officer grateful and annoyed that her mother scared the shit out of the rookie. Shelby had her head in her hands. She looked up and turned to look at her daughter. "You will speak with respect-"

Her phone rang. Shelby looked back up front at her phone.

"Hello?... Joey?...WHAT!"

Noah looked up and caught Santana's eyes.

Shelby went on and put her head in her hands. "What do you mean she wasn't there?... Fine... Um... Fine...Now I have two daughters missing ? What the hell?"

"Mom, she's at the hospital. Rachel's at the hospital," Santana said. Noah felt her dark eyes on him. "She's at the hospital," she whispered.

Noah looked toward the front. His mother was crying. His mother was such a big part of his world and she was breaking in front of him.

"Fine..." she said she wiped her tears. "Please. Look. Go to the park. Look...I know... Okay...Yeah... Okay... bye."

Shelby hung up the phone. "Turn on your lights, son," she said evenly. "We're getting through this accident and to the hospital."

"Ms. Corcoran-"

"Put on your damn lights!" Shelby scolded.

"Yes, ma'am."

Officer Donnelly turned on his lights and drove through the now parted traffic. They needed to get to the other side. There were four cars in the wreck and several that managed to swerve, but avoid each other. There was no way to guess what happened. Noah looked at the cars. One was t-boned around a telephone pole, a second car had skidded into the other lane, and there was another car with its front completely smashed in, waiting in the intersection, as if it hit something. What Noah didn't realize was that the car around pole had run the red light, and hit the car that had skidded into the other lane. He also didn't realize that the car that was smashed in the intersection, whose front was crunched, had been speeding at forty-seven miles an hour in the twenty-five miles an hour speed zone; what Noah didn't know was that car, in trying to avoid the car that ran the red light, slammed on his brakes and swerved, hitting an unmoving car at the stop light.

"Mom?" Santana said quietly.

"Yes," Shelby said with her forehead in her hands.

"Quinn was at …. She was at school..."

Shelby's head rose slowly. The lights and sirens were going off as Officer Donnelly drove around traffic. However, Mom-zilla was slowly emerging.

"WHAT!" Shelby hissed.

"She was at school. Sam Evans picked her up," she said quietly. "And brought her to school."

Shelby shook her head. "She's going to see a whole new style of grounding when I get a hold of her! She was at school? School!" She paused. "That phone is gone - She will be escorted to and from school by me and only me. Is she still there? Noah call her. Why the hell didn't she go to therapy? She was supposed to stay at therapy."

"Mom," Noah said quietly.

Noah didn't move. He finally spotted the car that had once been the unmoving car at the light; he spotted his car.

"Can someone call her please?"

"Mom?" Noah said slightly more loudly.

"Noah, are you calling her?" she asked with an edge.

"MOM!" he said.

"What?" she asked looking up.

"That's my car," Noah whispered.

The three of them looked in Noah's direction.

"That's my car," he said again, louder this time.

They froze. There was Noah's mustang: flipped. Its doors had been pulled off and were piled in debris. Glass was everywhere.

"Santana," Shelby whispered as she scanned the debris. "When was the last that you saw Quinn?"

Then she saw it. It was there. Her heart stopped.

"Mom, that's Quinn's jacket," Santana whispered.

There in the debris was a Cheerios Letterman jacket with a Captain's patch on the sleeve.

Shelby spotted Gus and Bear around the wreckage. Shelby ordered the officer to stop the car and hopped out of the car running towards them.

"Ma'am, you can't be here," an officer said attempting and failing to stop her.

"Shut up," she hissed and ran to her brother-in-law.

"Where's Quinn? Is she okay? Rachel is at the hospital now? What happened?" Shelby screamed hurriedly. "What's-"

She stopped. She stopped walking because there it was. There was her youngest daughter's jacket. It was laying in the middle of the road surrounded by broken glass.

"I was called here on my way to-" he stopped when he saw Santana and Noah run up. "On my way to his house." He hurriedly recovered. "We found Rachel," he said quickly. "She was in a car accident. This one."

"In Noah's car?" Santana asked.

Shelby was too scared to breathe a sigh of relief.

"And we found Quinn." Bear searched her eyes from some sort of acknowledgement. "They called me here as soon as they realized it was them."

"Quinn wouldn't take Rachel. She can't physically take Rach," Shelby said more to herself than anyone. "She wouldn't..."

"She didn't," Bear said. "I don't know for sure, but we think that she was with her."

"What?" Santana asked behind her with a frown.

Shelby looked at her other daughter and then look back at her brother-in-law. "What?"

Bear pulled Shelby aside and continued quietly. "We have men on their way to his house with a search warrant. We also have officers at the school. His office as well as the choir room are in disarray. A boy told us that he brought Quinn back to schoo-"

"Sam Evans," Shelby said.

Bear nodded and continued. "And I think that Quinn found Rachel there and or confronted Schuester and they got away together but then -"

He looked at the accident. Shelby put her hand on her face. "Please tell me they're okay," she begged silently.

He took a deep breath, "I heard from an EMT say that things weren't looking good for Rachel and that Quinn's pretty banged up too," Bear paused. "The Mustang flipped, Shelby. They had to take off the doors to get the girls out."

Shelby let out a sob. "This can't... I was... I was...We were at dance. Then she was missing then Quinn was missing... and now... they're on their way to the hospital together?" She shook her head and whispered, "How the hell did all of this happen?"

"Shelby," he said pulling her into a hug. "I know that everything is falling apart, but we still have a lot right now. Rachel and Quinn need you. Noah and Santana will need you."

Shelby steeled her face. "You're right. Catch that bastard."

"Captain Marshall will meet you at the hospital," Bear said quietly.

"Captain Marshall? From Columbus? Why aren't you leading this investigation?" she asked.

"Because she's my niece," he said quietly. "Lima Police are still involved but the investigation is run by Marshall now."

Shelby shook her head. "Fine. Just as long as we catch him." She started to walk away. "We need to catch him."

…..

The doctor took a deep breath and watched Quinn carefully. "Stay here. I'll let the police know."

She sighed and turned her aching head as she watched the doctor talk with police officers. She wanted to get up; she needed to get up. She spotted a few doctors walking past at a quick pace from where she was laying on the exam table. The whole ER was frantic. There were six others coming in. She overheard someone saying that the person that caused the accident was old and died at the scene. Quinn was grateful; she wasn't good at yelling at old people. They kept telling her how lucky she was to only have sustained a concussion and a broken arm, but there was some talk about her spleen and possible surgery. However, Quinn didn't hear most of it. Perhaps that was why her left side hurt so much.

"It's bad... Someone call the police... We most definitely need to do a rape kit." Quinn didn't need to be told where that doctor was coming from because she knew. She saw him leave Rachel's curtain. "I called her mother. She should be here soon." Quinn breathed a sigh of relief. Rachel would be okay. She would be okay. She frowned slightly staring up at the ceiling. Shelby was going to kill her for being in this accident with Rachel, for skipping therapy, for getting a ride from Sam, for not calling her, yup she was definitely going to be sent back but she needed to try and fix some of this before she got sent back to the group home. She closed her eyes. It was exhausting.

Her thoughts were interrupted.

"She arrived without underwear," a doctor said. "I should have known... I should have known there is something up."

"She's so young and little how could someone do that and -"

"Shut up! Both of you! Shut up! Her sister is lying there on the other side of the curtain and can hear every word you're saying. Go and do something productive!"

The curtain opened. "Quinn? Quinn?" she sighed. "Don't listen to them, okay? Your sister is in good hands. I promise." She sighed. "We need to get you up to CT. Then we'll get that wrist of yours in a cast, okay? I'm going to have an intern bring you up."

"Whatever," she whispered. "I just need her to be okay."

The doctor nodded and walked away.

Quinn felt a rage explode in her chest. "It's bad." they had said. Will Schuester deserved to die. He did this. Rachel had been through too much for him to then target her. No one deserved that, but Rachel? Quinn felt bile in her throat. She let her rage lead her on. She was supposed to be waiting for an intern to bring her for a CT scan and then another doctor to set her arm and cast it, but she couldn't wait. She needed to get back to McKinley. She needed to show that man that he wouldn't get away with it.

The blonde teen pulled out the IV from her arm and took the neck brace off before she slipped off the exam table. She spotted the exit. She needed to get out before the family arrived. She needed to get to Will. She started towards the door and then a small cry came from the curtain she knew Rachel was behind.

Rachel sobbed. "I want my mom," she whimpered. "Where's my sister?"

"Rachel, I know you're scared but you need to calm down. You have a tube in your side in between your ribs," a doctor said gently. She paused. "We need to examine you... the rest of you."

"No!" Rachel sobbed. "Please.. P-p-p-please..."

Quinn had heard enough. She opened the curtain.

"Quinn," Rachel said weakly as tears ran down her cheeks. "I wanna go home."

The blonde felt herself shaking as she looked at the tube coming out of her sister's ribs.

"Sweetheart, we need to check-" The female doctor began again.

"No," Rachel said as she cried harder. Quinn watched as Rachel flinched when the doctor reached for the bottom of her gown. "Please, Quinn."

The tiny girl looked at her. Why did this little girl always look at her with such hope? Quinn was the most hopeless person she knew.

"I'm sorry, Rachel," the female said as she moved her rolling stool to the end of the exam table. "We need to check you. Can you tell me what happened?"

"N-n-noo," she sobbed.

Another nurse walked in and tried to help get Rachel's legs into the stirrups. She was pushing them away as she cried weakly.

"Excuse me, miss," a nurse said. "We need to keep her calm. Her chest tube is in. She has a concussion and her breathing is not improving."

"Then back off and let me handle it," Quinn said in a sharp whispered hiss.

The doctor and nurse backed away, giving the girls some space.

Rachel stilled. "Quinn," she said with a tremble in her voice. Her face crumpled. "Please help me." She repeated again.

Quinn bit her lip. She felt her throat tighten up, but still managed to walk over to her. Rachel reached out to her and the nurses started to protest. "Let me talk to her," she said reinforced again. They backed away. She turned to Rachel. Rachel was trying to sit up, but Quinn stopped her. "Take it easy, bug."

"I wanna go," Rachel said. "Please," she said with a plea into Quinn's eyes. "Can't we go?"

Quinn didn't know what to say, but she knew what needed to be done. "Rach," she said gently. "You need to do this."

Rachel shook her head and began to cry. "No, no, no."

Quinn cupped her face. "I know you're scared. I know, but I'll be with you. Okay?"

The tiny girl shook her head. "No, please." She looked at Quinn in desperation. She gripped her hand around Quinn's wrists as the older girl still held her face. Quinn almost forgot that they had told her her wrist was broken until Rachel squeezed it. She swallowed the pain. Rachel sobbed. "Please don't make me do this."

Quinn tried to swallow the lump in her throat but it was still caught. "I'm … I'm sorry," she whispered. "I know it'll hurt, but you can't get better until they see..."

"No, Quinn... No …. you don't understand... I can't... please..." Rachel was sobbing.

Quinn leaned down and looked her in the eyes. "Nothing will happen to you. Look at me, Rach." the girl avoided her eyes. "Rachel, look at me." She met her eyes hesitantly. "Everything will be alright. I promise. He won't hurt you ever again."

"No, Quinn," Rachel sobbed. "He... He... They'll ….. I can't..."

"Rachel," Quinn said calmly. "I didn't want to do this either but San helped me. You helped me... and I need you to let me help you."

Rachel stilled. "What if-"

"No, Rach," the older girl said quickly. "I promise you nothing will happen to you. Do you trust me?" Rachel nodded tearfully. "I need you to do this."

Rachel looked at the doctor and nurses and then back at Quinn. "Will you stay with me?" she whispered.

"Absolutely," Quinn whispered ignoring her own tears. She looked at the doctor and nurses. "I'm going to hold her while you do this."

Quinn climbed onto the bed behind Rachel and wrapped her arms around the trembling girl. She tried to ignore the fact that she also felt exposed under this hospital gown. She focused on Rachel as she kissed her temple. Rachel shook her head again. "I changed my mind. I want to go home. I want Santana. I want my mom."

"They have to do this, Rach," she whispered.

Rachel looked at her with betrayal and shook her head. "No... No... you don't understand... I... I … I don't need... Please... I just want to go home..."

Quinn shook her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

She managed to untangle her body from her Quinn's. "Quinn, please," Rachel sobbed. "You have to understand. I can't do this..."

Quinn ran her uninjured hand through Rachel's hair. "You need to."

Rachel shook her head and looked at her hands. "This will ruin everything."

The blonde looked at her. She felt that. She had lived that. And in a way it has ruined a lot, but at the same time it didn't. She looked at Rachel she had to convince her otherwise. She knew that they would never catch Will if she didn't. She needed Rachel to see that, but she hated that in her head she knew otherwise. She knew what it felt like, that draining feeling of how badly Rachel must not want anyone to know.

"Rachel, you need to do this," she whispered. "I didn't want everyone to know about me..." She trailed off. "I get it."

"It's not that," Rachel whispered. "It's not just that." She played with the end of her fingers. "I don't want to ruin everything..." She looked into Quinn's eyes. "They'll take us away."

Quinn frowned. That son of a bitch. Of course. She thought back. That's what he had said to her in choir room. That's what he would have said to Rachel. "That won't happen, Rachel," she insisted.

"It will," Rachel said with fresh tears running down her face. "We were in the system before... I can't... I can't...I'm okay... Just let's forget about -"

"No," Quinn said quickly grabbing Rachel's hand. "You won't be taken away, Rachel. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Not just me," Rachel said with an angry frown. "All of us. We'll be split up. You don't get it!"

Quinn frowned. "Rachel," she said softly. "That won't happen. Nothing bad will happen to you if you tell. We will catch him."

"N-n-no," she muttered.

"Rachel, look at me," Rachel continued to sob and look at her hands. "Rachel," she said again. "Look at me." The girl met her gaze. "Do you think Mom would let that happen?"

The girl shook her head. "She wouldn't let it. It would just happen."

"Rachel," Quinn tried again. "That won't happen. It won't."

"It will-" Rachel sobbed again.

"You need to do this, Rachel," the blonde said. She leaned closer. "If, and only if, because it won't, if that happens Rachel, I swear San and I will find you." Rachel looked up at her in surprise. "Noah too. We will find you." She saw that she got to her. She saw that her promise about something she know wouldn't happen got through to her. "Okay. Let them do this."

She looked at her one last time and then snuck a glance at the nurse and doctor.. She gave a tiny nod. Quinn barely saw it, but it was there.

"Alright," the nurse began. "Your friend can stay in here if you want."

"She's my sister," Rachel frowned.

"Sorry, sister," the nurse said. "I'm going to start."

"Thank you, bug," she whispered. They positioned her legs in the stirrups and Rachel let out a sob. "Shh," Quinn whispered. "Relax. I've got you. Tell me about your favorite musical." Rachel shook her head. "Come on, please?" Quinn asked again.

"It's called..."She let out a squeal of pain and surprise when the doctors opened her knees.

Quinn shot them a look. "You tell her what you're doing every step of the way," she ordered. "Do you hear me? Every step of the way!"

The doctor nodded. "Okay, Rachel, I'm going to touch you but just the outside okay? I'm just going to look."

Rachel nodded tearfully and buried her head in Quinn's arm. Her whole body winced and she yelped in pain. Quinn searched the doctor's eyes behind the surgical mask. It was bad. She took that moment to look at Rachel's body. There were bruise marks on her cheeks as if he had covered her mouth as he held her tightly.

"Okay, honey, I know this hurts," the doctor said gently. "I'm going to go inside, okay? I need to take a look."

He had done that to her. She hadn't gotten there on time. Quinn didn't even known Rachel was there. Rachel wasn't supposed to be there. Quinn's father had hurt her. She didn't even know what he was supposed to act like as a father. She only knew the number of times he had forced himself on her and the constant absence of her dignity. She squeezed her eyes shut. She remembered what she heard outside of the door the last night in Florida. Santana had said.

_"Rach, he...I …." Santana looked up at Rachel and steeled her face. She didn't notice her on the other side of the door. Watching. Listening. "I went to that room five times, bug," she said with unexpected strength. "You went every day."_

Quinn blinked back tears. Her own father had been cruel, but he had an odd, uncalculated conscious that had him forcing Quinn to her knees at one moment and going to church the next. People were complicated when caught in their own lies. Quinn knew this first hand, but she had never seen other victims of its complexity and now one was lying in her arms, trembling.

With the open gown, Quinn was able to see that there scratches and scrapes all up her back. There was a hand bruise on the back of Rachel's neck as well as two distinct bruised hand prints on her rib cage. Quinn didn't realize her own breaths were hitched in her chest until they lifted up the bottom of Rachel's gown. She had a view of Rachel completely exposed. The doctors had been murmuring this whole time about how bad it was; however, in that moment she stopped breathing. Rachel's underside was littered with bruises. The inside of her thighs had fingerprint bruises peppered on them. Her entrance was red and raw.

The doctor locked eyes with her. Quinn nodded knowing what they needed from the tiny girl. "Rachel," she said carefully. "Look at me," Quinn said gently. Rachel trembled and looked up at her. "Focus on me okay? Okay?" Rachel nodded. Quinn snuck a glance at the doctor. "I skipped my appointment today. Mom is going to be mad." Rachel gave a tiny smirk. Quinn studied her face and felt a pang in her chest when her eyes became pain filled and a sob escaped her lips. The tool was inside her. "Shhh," Quinn whispered. "It'll hurt less if you relax."

"Q-q-q-uinn," Rachel trembled. "Take it out.. Please...I ...it hurts."

"I know, bug," Quinn whispered as tears poured down her face. She could see the bruises on the inside of Rachel's thighs from where she sat. She could see the towels that the doctor kept blotting with blood and handing to the nurse. She looked down again and spotted the scratches on Rachel's body and realized she wasn't sure if she had sustained those from the accident or not. Rachel's sobs broke her from her thoughts. She glared at the doctor. "Finish up," she hissed.

Rachel tried to close her legs only to sob more. "Rach, you have to keep them open or else it hurts more," Quinn told her as the girl sobbed. "Finish up and get it out of her!"

"We're going as fast as we can," the doctor assured. The doctor looked at Rachel who was breathing heavily with her eyes squeezed shut. "Rachel? Rachel?" The tiny girl didn't respond. The doctor looked at Quinn. "I can't see anything. I've only been able to get three samples. We have quite a few to go. I need her to relax or else I can't get what I need."

"She's doing her best!" Quinn shouted. She felt the the girl in her arms jump. She combed her hand through Rachel's hair. "Rachel, you need to relax so that it can be over." She felt Rachel's head shake into her chest.

"Please, Quinn, please no more," Rachel sobbed.

"We need to wrap up here and get her up to CT," a doctor said in a voice intended to be quiet but Quinn heard. "There's blood in her urine."

The doctor sighed. "I'll take it out, but we're going to have to try again later." Quinn shot her a glare. "Rachel, take a deep breath." The tiny brunette let out a little cry as the tool was removed.

She looked at Quinn with big eyes as she pulled her legs up to her chest. "I want to go home."

The blonde nodded. "I know."

Rachel let out a sob. Quinn looked up and the doctor was feeling her stomach. "Her stomach is tender and soft." The doctor looked at Quinn. "You don't look so well."

Quinn looked at her. She just needed to throw up again. Seeing Rachel like that made her want to throw up, that was it.

"Quinn? What is she doing in here? Erons, you know she shouldn't be in here." Quinn looked up. Mr. Pierce was here. She squeezed her eyes shut. God, her head hurt. Dr. Pierce, she corrected. He walked over to Quinn. "Come on. You need to get your head cleaned up and that wrist taken care of," the doctor said.

"There you are," an intern said rushing into the room. "I've been looking all over or you."

Quinn took a deep, but nauseating breath. "I'll be right back," she said quietly. There was no response. "Rachel?"

She looked down. Rachel's face was relaxed again.

"What's happening?" she asked frantically.

"Get her out of here," Dr. Pierce ordered to the intern and Rachel was laid down.

"What's going on?" Quinn asked feeling the blood rush to her head. The intern led her out of the room, but she looked over her shoulder one last time and saw Rachel's battered and bruised bottom half. She was still bleeding. She was in the hallway now, her head ached and her left side hurt even more. She just … She just needed... She swallowed hard trying to articulate words in her head. She suddenly spotted Shelby and realized that's exactly who she needed.

…...

A nurse led Shelby, Noah, and Santana down the hallway. Shelby felt her heart freeze in her chest as she watched a nurse carry an arm's full of paper bags from Rachel's room. She knew what those bags were used for. She spotted Tom Pierce run his hand through his hair in exhaustion. He turned and froze when he saw Shelby's look teetering between the nurse walking away with the bags and back to him.

She turned to Noah and Santana and looked at them with a stern look that attempted to cover up her anxiety.

"Go wait in the lobby—''

"Mom," Santana began. She pointed at the room. "Rachel needs us."

"Noah, Santana, now!" Shelby snapped.

Santana jumped at her mother's voice. Instinctively tears began to fall. "What's wrong with her? What's going on?"

"Sweetheart, just go," Shelby said with urgency. "Please. I'll tell you once I find out."

She watched her son lead her eldest daughter away. She made sure she was out of sight before she turned with a shaky breath and hands to Dr. Pierce.

"What are those doing coming out of her room? I thought it was a car accident! Did you do a rape kit on my daughter?"

"Shelby," a voice called out. She turned and Gus was walking toward her. "We need to talk."

Shelby felt the color drain from her face. She couldn't do this. She couldn't. Maybe...she thought to herself. Maybe this was all wrong.

Suddenly she saw a blonde emerge from her daughter's room.

"Quinn?" she asked more sharply than intended.

Something was wrong. Quinn was staring ahead. She didn't respond to her name. Shelby pushed past Gus and walked toward her. That's when she noticed the girl's gown was a mess and there was blood on it.

"Quinn," she said more quickly. "Sweetheart, what happened?"

The girl turned and looked at her. She opened her mouth repeatedly trying to form words but nothing came out.

"Quinn," Shelby said again more shakily.

She shook her head. "She's ….. She's... She's in there." She looked up at her and met her eyes for the first time with a look that haunted Shelby to the bone. "I'm so sorry... I... I …. She said... she... She just wanted to get away... and then... we... I ….. We were at thestoplight... He... I didn't think... he... "

Quinn didn't feel her knees go weak. She didn't even feel her entire body hit the floor, but she felt Shelby's arms wrap around her. "You're okay, Quinn," Shelby whispered. The mother looked over her shoulder and shot Gus a harsh questioning gaze. "I've got you."

She felt Quinn go limp in her arms. "Quinn?" she whispered. "Quinn?" Her body wasn't moving.

"Tom! Tom! Help me! Tom!"

…...

Shelby licked her bottom lip and took a deep breath. They had taken Quinn. She had collapsed. Quinn had collapsed. She was waiting. She was waiting for news. She glanced around the corner and looked out into the waiting room. Noah was pacing and Santana had her head in her hands. She had to tell them. She had to tell them that she failed. She failed again.

"We're going to take both of them into surgery right now," Tom said.

"Both of them?" Shelby asked as Quinn was wheeled away on a gurney. "I just need to understand. Quinn's spleen? and Rachel's what? What's the surgery for? Explain it to me." She searched her friend's eyes. "Please explain this to me."

"Yes, in the accident," Tom explained. "The car flipped and the girls both sustained some internal injuries. We believe that they're minor and we just have to stop the bleeds, but we need to go under. We need to take them in and we need to look. Rachel has a collapsed lung, and a lacerated kidney which is causing internal bleeding and Quinn a lacerated spleen which is causing internal bleeding. Both need surgery right away. While under anesthesia they will do the exam on Rachel and look at all the scratches that Will did -"

"Which kidney?" Shelby asked. "She had a bad kidney infection last year and the doctors said it was weakened and we needed to watch it."

"We'll check it," Tom assured.

"And Quinn spleen? What's the worst case scenario?" she asked.

"Worst case scenario is that we have to take it out," he said. He saw Shelby's worried look. "She can live a healthy life without it. The only main thing is based on her age she might need to be on antibiotics for a few years."

"Years?" Shelby shouted.

Tom Pierce put up his hands. "Shelby, no worst case scenarios yet. You need to breathe."

She asked, "Don't tell me to breathe. Don't tell me to breathe! So far this afternoon, my daughter was taken while I stood outside of the door... and...I don't... I don't know what happened to her... And then two of my girls were in an accident. And now you're telling me that they need surgery...And now, Tom, I need to go tell my other two kids that we think that something happened to their baby sister again, but I won't know until they do an exam on my little girl because she was crying too hard for her to get through the exam awake." She looked at Tom. "So, I can't do it. I can't breathe."

"Do you want to see them before they go in? Both of them are out, but -"

"Yes," Shelby said quickly.

She was led down the hallway. Quinn was laying back. Her eyes were closed and there was a large handprint bruise on the top of her arm. "We're going to to the best we can."

"I know," she whispered. Shelby leaned down and kissed Quinn's forehead. "I love you. Come back to me," she whispered. "...Was she...was there any evidence that she was hurt? By him, I mean?"

"She had some bruises, but we checked her briefly," he began.

"Briefly?"

"She kinda escaped," Dr. Pierce said.

Shelby chuckled and ran her hand through Quinn's hair. "Of course, you did," She spoke softly to the sleeping blonde.

"It's time," a doctor said from the door.

Shelby leaned forward. "I love you. I love you and I'm proud of you and I need you to come back."

"Shelby, we need to go," he whispered.

"Okay," she whispered kissing Quinn once more. "I love you."

She watched her wheel out of the room. Shelby forced herself to breathe as she was led to Rachel's room. Rachel had a few more tubes connected than Quinn. Shelby spotted the bruises around her mouth and on her neck.

"Hey, bug," she whispered. She leaned down and stroked her hair out of her face. "Mommy's here, Rach. I'm right here."

"I promise you," Tom began. "That we will keep you updated and we will do our best."

"I don't expect any less," she whispered.

Gus and another detective entered the room. Shelby looked over at them as she rested her forehead onto Rachel's. She looked at them.

"You're going to do the exam now?" she asked quietly without looking up.

"Yes," Gus nodded.

"Apparently, they tried before but it was too much for her," the other detective that Shelby didn't recognize said.

Shelby nodded absently. "No one can really calm her down to do those exams," she whispered. She bit her lip. "Is there any chance... Is there a possibility that maybe..." She looked up at Gus. "Could we be wrong? That maybe…. That maybe she wasn't hurt….. That he didn't touch them…. Touch her…"

Shelby had no control over her tears at this point because the idea of it was too hard. It hurt too much. It was exhausting.

Gus looked at her with regret and apologies, a look that made Shelby want to scream and cry all at once.

Shelby shook her head. "Explain to me again, Tom, why they are both passed out? What happened?"

"Their bodies are in shock, Shelby. They've been through a great deal of trauma today. They both have concussions and they both are suffering from internal bleeding. While we're confident that their injuries are fixable they would have difficulty staying awake. We also gave both of them some pain medicine intravenously and that would make them drowsy."

Shelby gave another small nod. "Okay." She took a deep breath. "Should I…. Should I stay with her?... While you…. you examine her?"

Gus looked at her carefully. "Do you want to?"

"No," Shelby trembled. "But what if… what if she wakes up? I should be here."

"She won't," Tom assured, nodding to the anesthesiologist.

"I'm her mother.. I should know…." She said looking down at Rachel. "I wasn't there the first time. I should… I should be here." She looked at Gus and Tom with greater confidence. "I'll stay."

Gus nodded. "Okay. Will you be doing this, Tom?"

"I can or I can get another doctor," he said. "Whatever would make you feel more comfortable."

"I … I … If you could…. I would like you here, as a friend, if you can," Shelby managed. "I know that that's a lot to ask of you since you—"

"I don't want to be anywhere else," Tom assured. "Alright. Let's get this started."

…

Shelby leaned back against the wall in the hallway. They had informed her before Rachel's exam that Quinn had been examined before surgery and save a few bruises, there was no evidence of any other injuries. However, Shelby's relief was temporary because at that moment she had seen Rachel's lower half. When they had the trial she had seen photos and she had to run out of the room to throw up. In person, she had to throw up again. There was no control.

It was like she wasn't there.

There were so many bags: brown bags, small plastic ones. Q-Tips. Every photo that was taken made her jump. The nurse that was watching her daughter's vitals kept resting her hand on her shoulder. She didn't want comfort because clearly her baby girl had gotten known when she was brutalized.

They collected a few hairs.

She was still bleeding a bit.

There were scratches where there shouldn't be.

They had told her they weren't sure what he used, but he had used something. Shelby felt a new bile in her throat. "Based on the scratches," the detective explained. "He probably used his fingers."

Shelby swallowed a sob. There was no avoiding it. She hated herself because she felt thankful alongside all of the heartache. She felt thankful because Quinn hadn't been hurt like Rachel. She squeezed her eyes shut or maybe Quinn received the bruises because she was big enough to fight back, while Rachel didn't have a prayer.

She had been told their clothes had been taken into evidence as soon as they arrived at the hospital. They had told her that Rachel's underwear was missing.

Could Sue get Quinn a new uniform? Shelby shook her head. Why was she thinking about Quinn's uniform.

She squeezed her eyes shut. Two minutes ago Tom had kicked her out of the room. He had kicked her out because Rachel's punctured lung collapsed completely. They told her that she couldn't be in there and she knew that. She couldn't do any of it. Rachel was taken immediately to surgery. This was all too much.

She squeezed her eyes shut.

"I can't do this," she whispered.

"You can," Joey responded. Had she been standing there the whole time. "Mom and Dad are on a flight here as we speak."

Shelby looked at her thankfully. "They are?"

"Yeah."

"Your son and daughter are in the waiting room freaking out," Joey said. "You need to speak with them."

Shelby shook her head. "This is going to kill them."

"No," Joey said. "Right now thinking they know and waiting for confirmation is killing them."

She took a deep breath.

"Okay," she whispered. She walked slowly in go the waiting room. Noah was still pacing and Santana still had her head in her hands with her heel anxiously tapping up and down.

"Mom, what happened? Are they okay? What's happening? What took so long?" Noah asked frantically.

Santana looked at her with defeat, as if she knew. She just needed to be told.

"They're in surgery right now," she said with a wavering voice. "They… They're in good hands but... they're hurt."

"How.. How hurt," Noah wondered out loud. "They're gonna be okay. Right?"

Shelby nodded softly. "We think so."

Santana bit her lip. "Rachel was…. Was missing … and then… and then she was in a car accident….."

She looked up at her mother. "Please tell me that … that…. Quinn took her for a joy ride or something…." She bit her lip and continued quietly. "Because... because... that's what I need to have happened."

Shelby sighed and sat down next to her daughter. She looked at her and then at her son. "The police are still figuring out what happened.-"

That's all Shelby was able to get out. That was it. Santana began to sob; that was all she needed. Noah pulled Santana into his arms.

"She's gonna be okay," he whispered. "They're both going to be okay."

Santana couldn't hold it together because she knew they weren't going to be okay for a very long time.

…**. **

Bear pulled up in front of the house. There were police cars all around the house. There had been no sign of him. There had been a couple of students who said they "might have" seen Will Schuester leaving the school. However, there was no sign of him. Shelby had just broken the news when he left for the house. His blood was boiling and he wasn't sure if he was in the right state to be there. However, Captain Marshall wanted him there. To calm him, Gus drove him over. He wasn't sure if he should ask Gus, but he knew Gus had seen Rachel's injuries. He wanted to ask, but he couldn't find the words.

"Why did they call us?" he asked as they climbed out of the car.

"They said they found something. Because you're close to the family-"

"I am family," he interrupted.

Gus continued. "They wanted you to take a look."

Bear frowned. "Fine," he nodded as he flashed his badge and the two of them went into Will's house.

It was clean and well-decorated. It looked hardly lived in. "What I can't figure out is why he took her to the school," Bear said out loud.

"Simple," a tall man said emerging from the basement. "It was closer."

"Captain Marshall," he nodded.

"Carlson," he nodded. "I'm sorry to be here."

"I'm sorry you're here too," Bear nodded.

"Well, we think that your guy basically lost control," Captain Marshall began. "He had a plan and your trip to Florida and Rachel stopping her lessons threw him off. Our forensic psychologist is flying in. I think... actually, I know that this case is going to be very big."

Bear frowned realizing what he was saying.

"You found his stash, didn't you?"

Captain Marshall nodded. "This is going to be a big case, Carlson."

Bear took a deep breath. "Okay. Tell me what you know."

"I know we need to bring the state police in and maybe even the feds," he continued.

"That's not telling me much," Bear said with measured pace.

"This thing is bigger than your niece," he said quietly.

"Not to me," Bear said quietly.

"Come with me."

They walked quietly down into the basement. There were boxes and regular storage. Nothing looked out of the ordinary.

"Where is it?" Bear asked.

"You'll see," he replied as he went through an open door that barely even looked like a door.

Bear stopped. The room was covered. You couldn't see the wall. There were photos covering it everywhere. Children that Bear didn't recognize. Then he stopped at the middle wall of the enclosed space. They were all of Rachel. Rachel at dance recitals. Rachel at the park with Santana and Noah. Rachel with Shelby. They went as far back as when the family had just moved back to Lima. There were old newspaper clippings from New York about the case. Headlines.

"Also," Marshall said interrupting his thoughts. The Captain closed the door and on the back of the door were pictures of Quinn and her father leaving the country club. Quinn at football games. Quinn leaving her parents house for school. The pictures were everywhere.

"How many victims do you think this guy has had?" Gus asked looking around the room in astonishment.

"Too many."

…..

Santana sat between the two beds. The monitors seemed like their sounds were amplified. Her mother was at the door talking to the doctor. They had put Rachel and Quinn in the same room. Santana wasn't sure what time it was all she knew was that it was dark outside. She heard her aunt and uncle talking outside in the hallway. She hadn't been told the whole story, but she knew that she was outside leading a practice and worrying about Brittany while Rachel was inside. Rachel had been inside that school, screaming for someone to help her and their mother was frantically looking for her all while Santana was out waving her pom-poms.

She heard her mother speaking with the doctors. They had to remove Quinn's spleen. They didn't teach anatomy in McKinley. Santana didn't understand what that meant for Quinn. Were spleens important? The blond had returned from surgery first and she was still sleeping.

Rachel came in a few hours later. The doctors told her mother that Rachel's kidney had to be removed. There had been too much scarring from before and then damage from the accident was too much. She now had an ugly tube down her throat. They said she was still having trouble breathing. Rachel couldn't breathe on her own; plain and simple. There was a tube in her throat; a tube was breathing for her. She knew Rachel would be crying and screaming but she couldn't, she simply couldn't.

Now Santana sat there, just staring. They had told her they weren't going to wake up until the morning. She took a heavy breath. She would wait.

"Shelby," she heard her uncle call.

"I need to talk to you."

Santana sat up and exchanged a look with her brother, who was leaning against the window ledge with his arms folded.

"Alone," he said spotting the kids. "We need to talk alone." He made eye contact with Noah and Santana. "Do not leave this room."

"But-"

"I mean it," he said sharply.

Santana looked back at her brother. "What's going on?" she asked quietly.

"I don't know," he mumbled. He gave her a weak smile. "We'll find out."

She leaned back in her chair. She could hear her mother yell in frustration, "You're serious?"

"Hey, San," Noah called. "Aunt Joey said we should make a list of stuff we might need at home."

She shook her head. She knew what he was doing. He was trying to distract her. He didn't want her to hear. He was still trying to protect her.

"I don't know, Noah," she hissed. "I just..." she trailed off studying Rachel's face. There were bruises on her neck and face. Why hadn't she gone after Quinn? Why hadn't she been there? Would she have been able to stop it? She felt numb; she felt broken; she felt useless. Everything had happened too fast; it had broken too fast.

"Santana?"

She looked up.

Everything was broken.

Santana sat up slightly so that she could at the girl in the doorway more directly. Brittany gave a small, tight smile. "I brought you coffee. I remember the last time Rachel was in the hospital, you um... You didn't want to sleep because you were afraid she would wake up and you'd miss it. So..." She held up the cup. "Black with three sugars."

The brunette just looked at her. Why was it that she had this person, this nice kind person? A person who brought her coffee and stuck by her? Why did she have this person and she couldn't figure out how to cope with her love? Santana frowned. She didn't know how to cope with anything.

"And in case you were hungry," Brittany continued as Santana just continued to stare. She held up a box of cereal. "I picked up that gross cereal you like."

Santana gave a small smile.

"Thanks," she managed.

"Can I sit with you?" She sat anyway without waiting for an answer. "Just sit. No talking don't worry." She opened her bag. "Oh," she said sitting up and opening it slightly. "I brought something for Rach."

Santana frowned Brittany pulled out Rachel's monkey, George. She gave Brittany a tearful smile as she watched Brittany put the monkey next to Rachel. She watched as the blond took her bag and walked to the opposite of Quinn's bed and stealthily pulled out the lamb. Santana looked at her questioningly.

"She's been my friend since were little. I know about it." Brittany gave her a little smirk. "Don't make fun of her."

Santana wiped her tear and watched Brittany make herself comfortable in the seat next to Santana. She gave her a questioning look.

"You left your keys in your duffle at practice when you left with your mom." She gave a non-chalant hug. "I just thought I would pick up something for you." She handed Santana the bag. "Packed you some sweats. The comfy ones. I figured you didn't have time to change out of your uniform." She smiled at Puck. "I was going to get some for you, Puck," Brittany replied. "But I didn't want to go in the zoo that was your room, but I saw a pair of your sweats on the dryer."

"Thank for breaking and entering, Pierce," Noah laughed.

"Yeah, you know," Brittany said reaching out taking Santana's hand.

Santana felt herself nodding. While everything felt broken, it felt as if she was holding it together for one more minute, one more moment. Brittany took her hand and sat next to her. Santana still felt numb and broken and shattered, but Brittany's touch kept her a little more whole, even for just a moment more.

Noah watched the girls sit silently, thankful that Brittany could be there for Santana in ways that he never could. She wouldn't be alone with her around. Brittany and Santana eventually fell asleep around three in the morning. He knew that he was tired but he couldn't feel it. He was still wide awake. Waiting for another ball to drop. He heard his uncle tell his mother that Will had followed Rachel and the family for a long time and there was evidence. Had he missed that? He had missed it.

He just missed it.

"Noah?"

He looked up and his grandparents were standing there with a bag of groceries. Was it morning?

"Where's Mom?" he asked.

"Talking to the police."

He took a muffin. "Oh." He took a bite. "When did you get here?"

"Flew in a few hours ago," Helen said softly walking around the room and gently kissing everyone on the forehead.

"Did you sleep?" Michael asked running his hand through Noah's messy hair.

He shrugged.

Coughing noises interrupted the room.

"Helen, get a nurse," Michael said quickly going to Rachel's side. The tiny girl was coughing around the tube; she was waking up. He ran his hand over her forehand. "You need to calm down, Rach. I know it's uncomfortable. We're going to take the tube out. You just need to calm down."

Her frantic tear-filled eyes looked up at her grandfather. Her breathing calmed but was still gurgled around the tube.

Noah still held his muffin loosely as he watched his grandfather try to calm Rachel down. Santana and Brittany woke up with a start as Dr. Erons and Dr. Pierce came running in.

"Hey there, kiddo," Dr. Pierce said gently as Michael backed away. "You're doing great. This means that you don't need this anymore. Look at me Rachel. Just relax, okay?" Rachel gave a slight nod. "Alright."

He took the tube out carefully as Rachel sputtered around it. "Good job, Rach," Michael said. "Good job."

Rachel looked around and spotted Quinn. She looked up at Dr. Pierce. "She's okay. She's going to be just fine," Tom said without waiting for the question.

Noah watched still holding his muffin. He opened his mouth to ask something.

"S-s-sanny," she called out with a hoarse voice.

"I'm right here," Santana said accidently side swiping a nurse to get to her.

Rachel reached her hand out to take her hand. "I'm right here," Santana whispered.

Noah couldn't be here anymore. He dropped the muffin in his hand and ran from the room. He couldn't be here. He couldn't be there. He felt his feelings explode out of his chest. It was just too much. It was all too much. He sprinted down the hallway. He just needed to get out of there. The doctors had barely even started rounds. No one was there. He just needed to keep running.

_He stared at the door. Santana was screaming. Rachel was screaming. They were all screaming. _ _He rammed his shoulder into door. Nothing. He needed to get in. He couldn't get it. He ran over to the phone and dialed 911. He waited a few seconds until he realized there was no dial tone. _

"_Noah!" Santana screamed from the other side of the door. _

_He needed to get out. He needed to. He had to. He might only be ten but he needed to get out because he knew there was nothing he could do. He wasn't strong enough. Hiram had locked them in. The locks were too high and complex for him to unlock. The windows were padlocked. How was he -_

_He looked back at the window. He could get out if he smashed the glass. When he and Santana lived with their mom and dad back in Manhattan, there was a fire escape and his father told him that if there was a fire and he couldn't get the window open to use a chair. Noah had laughed because his father actually told him to throw a chair through the window. However, his father told him he was serious and that if he ever needed to get out and couldn't to run at the window with a chair._

"_Make sure to cover your eyes," Noah repeated to himself as he picked up the metal chair. _

_He ran at the window with all his might. What if it doesn't break? he thought seconds before he hit it. It did. It shattered. He climbed out of the window scraping his arm on the broken glass, but he didn't notice. He sprinted down the fire escape. He had no idea where they were. He hadn't been outside the apartment for so long. He took a deep breath. Run. Run. He knew he had to just run. _

Noah rounded the corner and ran into someone pushing him away from him.

"Leave me alone," he shouted.

"Noah, it's me," Michael said wrapping his arms around his grandson. "It's just me."

"I couldn't be in there. I can't. I can't," he said as his knees buckled. "I can't do this."

"I know. I know." Michael pulled him close. "I know."

…...

Santana looked over at Quinn. She was still asleep. She wasn't awake yet. Brittany had just left with her parents to go home and change. She didn't know what to say to her. All she could do was hold her hand. That's all she could offer. Her thoughts were interrupted and she sat up straighter as Rachel shifted in bed. She watched with a weak smile as Rachel opened her eyes. She had fallen asleep soon after the tube had been taken out. Doctors told them that was normal. She watched as the tiny girl looked around frantically. She reached her hand out and took it, holding it tightly.

"You're not alone, Rach," she whispered. "I'm right here."

Santana expected Rachel to look up at her. She expected the girl to be relieved. Instead she watched as the small girl looked down at her feet, or at least Santana thought it was her feet until Rachel started tugging at her gown.

"San," she whispered without breaking her gaze from the gown.

"Yeah?"

"Can I…." Santana watched as Rachel swallowed tiredly. The girl looked up with her with glazed eyes. "Can I have my clothes back?"

Santana's eyebrow's furrowed and her lips smashed together as they tried to hold in her sob. She looked away for a second as she sucked her tears back in. She knew that Rachel was exposed under that light gown. She knew that the little girl felt it too. She could see the fear register in Rachel's eyes. There was no avoiding it. She licked her lips and held her bottom lip in her mouth for a second as she regained her composure.

"I'll see what I can do," she whispered. She leaned down and ran her hand over the back of Rachel's head and kissed the top of her forehead. "I'll be right back," she whispered.

Santana walked out of the room as fast as she could. She turned two corners down the hospital corridor before she slammed her back against a deserted hallway. It was there that she let the tears fall. She released a sob as she let her legs crumble and she slid down the wall. She let the tears cascade down her face as she banged the back of her head against the wall a few times. Her fears had just been confirmed. She had felt broken before, but now the broken pieces were crumbling into small pieces; it became real.

…...

Shelby massaged the bridge of her nose and she reentered the girl's room. Santana was gone. She knew that Noah was with her father. She turned as she heard quickened footsteps running toward the room. She watched as they ran past the room. She frowned wondering where they were going to so fast.

"Ms. Corcoran," a young intern said suddenly. "I need you to come with me."

She followed like a ghost closely behind the young man. She had feeling. She had a feeling, she told herself. She turned the corner and spotted Santana sitting on the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest. The nurse's station shelf had been knocked over.

"I can't do this," Santana whispered once Shelby stepped in front of her. Santana looked like she was staring at her mother's feet. Shelby wasn't sure if she was scared to look up or she just couldn't.

Shelby leaned over and took Santana's hands. "You can. We will get through this."

Santana looked up and shook her head. "I can't, Mom." She attempted to bite back her tears. "I can't watch her go through this again. This time it's worse. She can remember more, understand more," Santana scoffed. "Talk more."

"And she needs you. And I need you. And it's okay if you're not the strongest or the bravest," Shelby said softly. "We just need you."

Santana gave a heavy sigh. "I don't know how to do that."

"We'll figure out," Shelby said with a tearful smile.

Santana didn't look like she believed her but she gave a quiet nod. She looked over at the supplies she knocked over. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"I know," Shelby whispered.

The two of them silently started to pick up the mess. Thankfully very little was broken.

"I don't think I can do this," Santana whispered as she put the last package of supplies left.

"What?" Shelby asked.

"Any of it." She looked at her mother. "I can't lose her."

"We won't," Shelby whispered. However, she too was unsure. She was unsure what was to come and what they would be able to handle and how they would break because they were just scratching the surface still. It was just beginning.

…**..**

Quinn's eyes fluttered open. Shit, she thought. Where was she? She looked to her left and Rachel was asleep. She looked to her right and Santana was asleep on a cot. She looked down and her lamb was in her arms. She hurriedly stuffed it under her pillow. Jesus, she thought. Ouch. She had a cast on her arm and an IV on the other. She gave a heavy sigh; it was real.

The door was open and she could see Shelby talking with Jackie and Gloria. They were shaking their heads. Here it was. She had ruined it. It was over. She might as well leave. She tried to sit up but a pain shot through her ribs. She must have made a noise because Shelby came running in.

"Quinn, you need to lay back," Shelby said. "You've had surgery. They had to take out your spleen."

Quinn frowned. Did she need that? "I just wanted to get going. Get out of your family's way."

"What are you talking about?" Shelby asked as Jackie and Gloria exchanged looks.

"Listen, I've caused enough trouble," Quinn began.

"Quinn," Shelby began. "You haven't."

She shook her head and threw a glance at Rachel. "If she was sitting in the backseat she wouldn't be here."

"Actually, she would probably be worse," Shelby whispered. "Noah's car is a two door. It was flipped. If she was in the back it would have taken them longer to get to her."

The blonde shook her head. "The airbags went off and -"

"Quinn, this is not your fault," Gloria assured. "Someone ran a light and caused this. Not you."

The teenager felt her eyes water. "She's going to be okay right?"

"Yes," Shelby assured. "And so will you."

She shook her head as she let out a sorrowful cry. "I'm so sorry."

"For what?" Shelby asked with a tearful smirk. "I messed everything up." She looked at Jackie. "You're going to send me away aren't you? To that home in Columbus? This was the last straw right?"

"Quinn," Jackie began sitting at the edge of her bed next to Shelby. "While I think it might do you some good to start over, Shelby wants you and I think you want to be here too." Quinn looked at her in confusion. "This wasn't your fault. We want you to stay where you feel safe and comfortable. And if that's still with Shelby, then we will make sure it happens."

"But what I did," Quinn whispered.

"You did nothing, Quinn," Shelby assured. She gave a small chuckle and took Quinn's hand. "Well you did break some rules that we will talk about but we will discuss all that later right now though. You need to get better. You helped Rachel more than I can thank you for and the accident was not your fault in any way. Alright? I love you so much and I am so happy you're okay."

Quinn shook her aching head. "I'm fine. I'm fine."

"You're so much more than that," Shelby whispered.

"Excuse me, ma'am," a police officer said from the door. "We need talk to the girls if we can."

"Well, you can't," Shelby said simply. "They are just waking up from their surgeries. Come back later this afternoon. If you need someone's approval, go find their doctors."

"Ma'am, we really need to ask the girls some questions," the police officer began.

"I understand that," Shelby said. She looked at Quinn.

"What do you want to know?" Quinn interrupted them.

"Quinn, you don't have to -" Shelby began.

"It was Will Schuester," she said simply. "Thats all you need to know right now."

"Miss we really-"

"That's enough," Dr. Pierce said from the doorway. "They all need to rest, officers. Come back this afternoon."

"We understand why you need to ask," Shelby said quietly. "But now is not the time."

"Yes, ma'am," the police officer nodded. "We'll certainly be back this afternoon."

Quinn leaned back in the bed. She had barely been away for five minutes and she was already exhausted.

…**...**

Noah leaned against the door. His arms were folded as he watched everyone sleep. Santana against hospital policy climbed into Rachel's bed. Shelby had given Santana a pill to help her sleep. She and Santana were asleep together. Shelby laid her head back against the chair in the middle of Quinn and Rachel's bed. Nana and Pop-Pop had gone home with Joey and Bear to collect some things from the house. Brittany had gone home too so he was the only one still awake.

He stood up slightly when he saw Quinn move. Her eyes blinked open.

"Hey," he said walking toward her. "You okay? Do you need anything?"

Quinn shook her head. "No, I'm fine," she said clearing her throat. "Am I okay?"

Noah chuckled. "You're okay." He nodded. "You just passed out from the surgery. You were awake for a bit. You remember talking to the police?"

Quinn nodded. "Yes," she mumbled. "Sorta."

"Do you want me to get you something?"

"No," she muttered. She looked over at the three sleeping forms. "They're okay? Rachel okay?"

Noah gave a nod and perched at the end of Quinn's bed.

"Yeah," he said. He looked at Rachel sleeping against Santana. "I know …. I …." He took a breath. "Listen,...I never thanked you."

Quinn looked at him. "What?"

"You saved her," he whispered.

"I don't know what story you heard," Quinn replied. "I didn't save her. I just found her and...well... got her into an accident... in your car. I don't know how to repay you for your car but I will as soon as I get out of here and find out where they are placing me. She keeps saying she's going to try to keep me around but -"

"Hey," he said quietly. "Quinn, you saved her. You found her... and because of that he didn't...Mom won't ever let you leave. Ever. It's not going to happen. Ever."

"You can barely pass geometry. What do you know?" Quinn snapped.

"I know we're not letting you go," he said quietly. "I just," he shrugged. "Forget about the car because... You saved our sister." He bit his bottom lip. "In my book," he continued. "I owe you." He took her hand. "Seriously. Thank you."

Quinn looked at him. She tilted her head. She realized in that moment she had never seen Noah Corcoran cry. She squeezed his hand that she was still holding.

"You don't have to thank me," she said. "I didn't -"

"Don't say you didn't do anything," Noah said shaking his head. "You did everything." He looked in her eyes. "Everything."

…...

Bear walked into the hallway. "Let's get these things. I want to head back."

Joey nodded and entered the bathroom.

"Mom, what are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm getting some fresh linens. Those linens at the hospital look uncomfortable. I understand that it's not the Four Seasons but they should invest some of their budgets on high thread counts," Helen mumbled.

"Whatever," Joey mumbled as she opened the medicine cabinet. She started to put the girls' tooth brushes and toiletries in a bag. "Seriously, this family is the only family I know that likes the cinnamon flavored toothpaste. Right? I mean..." She shook her head. She had to talk about toothpaste because she couldn't talk about anything else. "Right? Cinnamon? So gross. At least mint tastes like mint. Right?" She turned. "Mom?"

She turned around and her mother was frozen at the linen cabinet.

Joey dropped the toothpaste in the bag and walked over to her mother.

"Mom?"

Her mother turned to her slowly. Her face frozen in fear. Joey looked down. She was holding Rachel's dress.

**Thank you all again for your endless support. There are no words. Please let me know what you think.**


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Iuterpi - Thank you so much for the review. I hope this next chapter doesn't disappoint. These kids are all so strong and incredible, but they're still kids and you'll be reminded of this in this chapter. And while an incredible, supermom, Shelby is still human. All of them are still so human and flawed and complex and I really try to remind the readers of that in this chapter. I hope you lie this chapter. I'm a little nervous. Please let me know what you think. Thank you again for your continuously kind words.

lifeloveinsanity28 – Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you like this chapter.

Rah – Rachel has been through a lot. She has a long road ahead of her. Thanks for your review.

TerpsCoeur – It is an intense story and it's not for everyone but I am glad you enjoy it. Unfortunately a lot of people do go through this and it is terrible but if it gives people a little insight to what people go through than I am glad. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

mindlessbanta – Thank you so much for your review. Sorry I made you cry but you may want to grab the tissues for this one.

Drea LuRuiz – I should be telling you sorry for making you think that way about Mr. Shue – but since I don't like him on the show – I can't do that. In this story though he is definitely a creep. Thanks for reviewing.

Lost little girl – Nice story idea but my idea for a sequel will be as Rachel gets to high school and exploring that part of her life. This story still has a way to go though – I can't possibly leave it here there is still too much going on. Thank you for reviewing.

look4me – this coming chapter should in fact mark the end of Quinn's resistance to most of the Corcorans. She will learn chapter just how much she is a part of the Corcoran family she is and will hopefully stay this chapter but it will still be tough for Quinn. I think when everything is said and done Quinn will learn how parents are really supposed to be however, I will say that with Noah and Santana as siblings – the 3 of them will grow into the mischievous teenagers that we expect and Shelby will need to guide them on the correct path from time to time. Quinn does not turn into a goody two shoes.

Regarding the first review – I can't believe you spent the whole day reading my story. I am truly amazed by your words. The reviews truly inspire me to write and I am trying to make this story as believable as I can. Thanks for the review.

Cookie - Santana has to learn that she tries too hard and she will but it will take some time. She has a real lot bottled up in her and she needs to let it out and seek help. These kids always seem strongest when they are helping each other and not themselves. But they will learn that once they learn to help themselves they can be even stronger. Thanks for the review.

Qwerty – I am sorry to hear about your car accident but typical of Rachel and Quinn they may try to do things that they shouldn't a little faster than they are supposed to. But with Shelby and the rest of the grownups looking out for them – they won't get away with much. Their physical injuries will heal normally it's their emotional ones that will take time. Thanks for the review.

Manly – With all the people looking for him I do not think that he will be on the loose for a long time. Lets just hope that the right people find him. The girls have a long road ahead of them but they have many people that love them and can't help them through this. Thanks for reviewing.

childstarLeaM – Wow – thank you so much for the review! Worship ? Amazing! More Rachel and Shelby this chapter, promise.

GleeLovex3 – Thank you so much for your detailed review. Quinn does have very big walls – and there will be lots of work done to break down those walls. Shelby will help her more this chapter and some of those walls will be crumbling for Quinn for some people. Shelby is mom of the year and she has to stay strong! But she will. Santana is going to have some more breakdowns because it is rough for her too. Brittany will help her through though. Thanks again for reading the story and I hope you like this chapter as well.

NayaFan – Sorry that I made you feel ill. Quinn is going to go through some hard times because she is now stuck and hurt so she will have to learn to accept being taken care of so it will be rough for her. Thank you so much for you reviews. They always make me so happy to read them.

Lolathe17th – Yes unfortunately things like this do happen in real life and most of the time it is much worse. I have seen it first hand and I am sorry that you think it is too much. But it happens and I want to show that she will grow from it. Shelby and Santana will be in the next couple of chapters a great deal because Santana has her own struggles with everything that has happened. Thanks for reviewing.

Anna – Quinn did not lose the baby in the hospital – she had a miscarriage and did not go to a hospital – just the clinic so no flashbacks. Thanks for reviewing.

Piper –It takes a little more convincing for Quinn to realizing that she is staying. She needs to hear it multiple times because remember in her family she barely did anything wrong in her family and got punished for it so she doesn't expect anything different from this family. Puck also needs to know that he does not owe a debt to anyone. Thanks for the review.

amandaes417 – Thank you so much – I just write what I know and I try to make it as believable as possible. Brittany is awesome in this story.

broadwaybound2016 – thank you so much – keep the reviews coming.

Abbie- I am sorry for the difficult read. I completely understand. I appreciate you reviewing. Thank you

Hazelstar – The driver of the car that hit them was an elderly driver that died at the scene. I don't know if Will will get castrated but we shall see. Sam and Quinn may explore their feelings later but Quinn has so much more to go through before she can't think of her feelings for boys. Thanks for the review.

Hayleywilliamsisasexymonster – Better get the tissues ready for this chapter as well – this one I think is quite the tear jerker. Thanks for reviewing. I am blushing because you called me your hero.

OTHangels – As always – thank you

krbutler – Yes the sh*t did get real! Thanks

Stacy – Sorry he is not caught in this chapter. Keep hanging on just a little longer. Thanks

Scout – In this story Brittany is very smart and she knew it would help all 3 girls. Thanks for the wonderful words.

Kimberlli – Sorry for making your heart jump. But I guess I am glad because it means that I wrote it the way that I wanted. Noah will learn his place and make it through so that he will help all the girls in the long run. Thanks for hanging in there.

SuzQQ – Rachel and Santana will have their ups and downs but their bond is solid so even with their spats and there will be – they are as tight as sisters can be. Not too many flashbacks this next couple of chapters because we have to fix the present first and foremost. Their injuries and the fact that Will is still out there is the biggest issues right now. Quinn and Rachel will get out of the hospital before they should because of their history but Shelby and the family will take care of them at home. And Brittany is a breath of fresh air in all this drama. As always I love your reviews. Keep them coming.

marinka4 - I get so disappointed with the writing of the real Glee that sometimes it is unwatchable for me. They have ruined all the female characters in my eyes. You will find out in this chapter if the kids are separated. Thanks for reviewing.

alopez208 – I think you will need the box of tissues again for this chapter. Separation will be discussed in this chapter. Thanks for reviewing.

BroadwayTheaterGleek – thank you – sometimes I don't even know how I got to 16,000 words. I try to update as soon as I can but it usually takes a week to iron out all the details. I have the outline and ideas its just filing in the words to make it all gel together that takes time.

Gleek1990 – Thank you so much – they wont find him in this chapter but you will see when. Thanks again.

Renata – No problem – if you ever have a question, please never hesitate. Quinn did open up a bit in that chapter but for her it might be one step forward two steps back. Rachel and Quinn will have a bond and they will try and work through things together but they also have to do it on their own as well. But they will always be sisters. As always I love my hugs and kisses from Brazil

val-cb – Thanks

NinjaGleek21 – Please stay tied to the chair a little longer. Then I will let you at him! Thanks for the review and the cookie.

lovecanbesostrange –Thank you so much for the kind review. I have to admit that I am a huge Grey's Anatomy fan. And during this chapter and many chapters before I had the show playing in the background. Both of the girls' fears will really be highlighted in this chapter. There are so many confusing steps forward and back. Quinn doesn't realize all that's going on, especially her true feelings about the family. She's afraid to give into them. I'm attempting in this chapter to really highlight how young the kids are. I forget sometimes that they are still kids and their naive about the enormity of the situation. Brittany is pretty wonderful and will continue to be. Although, she's not in this chapter, you get to know her father a little better. The Will situation will be addressed more next chapter. He is not going away easily, but the family will protect the girls. You are also spot on with Santana's feelings about the Cheerios and that also begins in this chapter. Thanks again for the review. I hope you like this chapter. I'm a little unsure about it myself.

Ryoko05 – Quinn's anxiety about if she is staying or going will be discussed in depth in the chapter. She is still very anxious and the adults will notice. Thanks for reviewing.

piecesofyourheart – I will tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel for these girls – it may not be in the next chapter or two but there is light I promise you. Suzy will also be taken care of and we will make sure she gets help. Thank you for sticking with this story and reviewing.

Filmaddict – Thanks for the torture ideas. The thing with Quinn is that she has been told all her life that she is useless and unworthy so it is going to take people telling her over and over again for her to finally believe it. Only some of the things will be pieced together this chapter but it is slowly going together. Thanks for reviewing.

TommyH – He will but not sure how soon. Thanks for reviewing.

HIsland429- Thank you for reviewing. Rachel will always be Quinn's sister now in Quinn's eyes. But will they stay together this chapter should answer this question.

Nancy – I am sorry it's part of your past but I am happy that it is helping you cope. Thank you for reviewing.

Gold-Stars-Are-My-Metaphor –Thank you so much for your review. I am so happy you enjoy my story. Thank you for taking this ride with me. My reviewers definitely inspire me to keep it going.

Mia – Thank you

thisisnutz – Wow I wish I could write the book but the names would definitely need to be changed and I don't know if people would picture the characters right but its always a dream of mine to get published. Thank you for the review.

A C one – I think a lot of people hope that Will is shot on the spot but they also want him tortured so we shall see. Thanks for the review!

sachiiko yuri – Unfortunately all suffer emotionally but they will lean on each other to get through it. Rachel and Quinn will physically get better but you are right they will need a lot of emotional support to get through this. Thank you

Karissa – The girls will be home this chapter but most likely not at the same time. But you are right the girls need extensive therapy to get over this. Thanks for reviewing.

btvscharmedgirl – Sorry this one came out a little later – I had a visit from my mom and it got away from me. I hope I didn't disappoint you with this chapter. Thanks so much.

**Hi everyone! first of all, stunned and amazed that this chapter is at 996 reviews. I'm truly honored. For those of you who follow me on Tumblr, you know that this chapter took me a little bit and that I erased a big portion and rewrote it. I'm not sure about that chapter itself. Please let me know what you think. If you have read this far, you know that there tend to be some triggers, but this chapter doesn't have a lot. The family is in a state of numbness that usually comes right after the dust settles. I hope that this chapter doesn't disappoint but please know that just because the family is learning pieces and finding the dress that it's going to take Rachel awhile to open up. Also, she's not the only one who has had her foundation damaged. I'm trying my best to give this story the justice it deserves. Thank you for your patience. I also apologize that this chapter is a bit shorter than normal. **

**Thank you all again for being patient and taking this ride with me. I have many many many more things planned. Some that you will expect and others you won't. I really hope that you stick around for the ride. **

**Thank you!**

Quinn looked around the room. Her body ached. Her muscles felt as if they were still trapped in a state of pain that lingered and radiated through her body. She wanted to run but she couldn't . She had a cast... and a catheter... which felt so so weird. She looked next to her and Santana was in Rachel's bed. Santana was sitting up and playing cards with Shelby and Noah. Rachel was curled into her side. She had been silent most of the day. Every time the nurses came into the room to check their vitals. Rachel flinched and started to cry. Quinn caught her every few minutes looking over at her, as if to make sure she was still there. Shelby was sitting in between the beds, casually holding her cards with one hand and absently running her hand through Rachel's hair with the other. Quinn caught Santana's ghost-like eyes as she watched every time Shelby would take a break from stroking her daughter's hair long enough for the tiniest girl to forget and when the mother resumed Rachel would flinch.

Quinn leaned back. She felt the guilt from that. It radiated next to her pain.

The passing forms out of the corner of her suddenly stilled. Quinn was distracted by who was in the hallway when Shelby stood, causing Rachel to jump.

"Be right back," she whispered. Santana and Noah followed her gaze. "Keep playing please." She looked down at the girls and squeezed Quinn's hand lightly as she passed her bed. "Be right back."

Quinn followed her. She could see a few officers talking with Dr. Pierce and Shelby in the hallway. Quinn turned her head slightly, and opened her ears to the murmurs.

"We need to talk with the girls... with Rachel."

"What's going on?" Shelby asked.

"There's been a development," Captain Marshall explained. "It's important we get her testimony sooner rather than later, Shelby."

"I know that Frank," Shelby hissed lowly. "I know how this works." She ran her hand through her hair. "I just... They got out of surgery barely twenty-four hours ago."

"I'm going to caution that this might be hard from them so soon," Tom began.

"It's going to be hard either way," Captain said quickly.

"Can you tell me this development?" Shelby asked pinching the bridge of her nose.

"We need to talk to the girls, Shelby," he said starting toward the room.

"I need to know what happened," she replied.

"Shelby?"

Quinn looked at the door and saw Helen and Joey walk down the hallway. There was a look. Something had happened. Suddenly Captain Marshall caught Quinn's gaze. .

"Let's speak down the hallway, please," he said.

Shelby caught Quinn gaze, giving her a reassuring smile. She was trying her best to demonstrate that she wasn't upset as she returned to the room. "Stay here please." She caught Noah and Santana's eyes. "I'm serious." She flashed a small smile to Rachel who was still curled away from her. "I'll be right back."

Quinn sighed. She needed a plan. She eased into her pain that radiated into her body. She couldn't talk to the police, at least in front of Rachel. She couldn't. This was the closest thing she would get to family, but it still wasn't her family.

….

Shelby took a deep breath. She wasn't sure what she could handle. She didn't know if she could handle more. She felt a hand enclose around hers. She looked over and her sister was looking at her kindly. She took a deep breath. She entered a conference room off of the waiting room. Bear was standing in the room talking quietly with Gus. The last time Shelby saw him, he told her that Will Schuester had a basement room full of pictures of Rachel, her Rachel. And Quinn. She folded her arms protectively in front of her.

"What's going on?" she asked.

The detectives watched as the family exchanged glances before looking at Shelby.

"Stop looking at each other," Shelby hissed. "Talk to me! Someone just tell me!"

Joey took a deep breath. "We found something in the linen cabinet." She locked her eyes with Helen and couldn't finish.

"We found her dress," Helen finished.

Shelby frowned. "Her dress?" She looked at everyone with a frown. "Why was it in there?" No one answered. "Just say it."

"They found her Rachel dress, tights and underwear," Captain Marshall said stepping forward. "We took the clothes to the lab. There were visible stains on the inside of her dress."

Shelby frowned staring at the captain. Then it hit her. It hit hurt what he was saying. She inhaled deeply and felt her eyes fill with tears. She stepped back as her mother and sister reached back to hold her. She pushed them away and stepped away.

"No," she hissed. "No."

She had known. Her instincts had been screaming at her from the get go. How did she not see it? Why didn't she go looking for Rachel's clothes that night? She squeezed her eyes shut remembering how distraught Rachel was in Santana's clothes as Shelby forced her to allow her to examine her. Suspecting was one thing, but hearing it confirmed ached deep in her chest. What hurt the most was that they had barely said anything. "Tell me," she demanded. "Tell me!"

"I found her clothes in the back of the linen closet," Helen said with a deep breath.

Shelby nodded and looked toward Joey. "Was it... Was it the dress that she wore the day of the lesson?"

"What lesson?" the Captain asked.

Shelby shook her head as if it was something obvious that he should have known. "She had a lesson with him," She squeezed her eyes shut at she spoke. "She...She came back upset...but she wouldn't talk..."

"I was looking into it with Gus when we received the call about Rachel being taken," Bear explained.

Captain Marshall nodded. "Okay."

"We checked her after she ran into the shower," Shelby explained. She shook her head. "Other than a huge bruise on her arm-" The mother shook her head in exhaustion. "Damn it," she hissed. "She showered." Shelby was speaking to herself more than to them. She looked at Bear and the Captain. "She showered!" She shook her head. "Damn it! Damn it!"

"Shelby," Joey started.

"No," she yelled again. She took a deep breath. "Tell me. Tell me you can catch him."

"We think we can match the DNA with Schuester," Marshall explained. "We're still tracking him."

Shelby squeezed her eyes shut again. "I need you... I need you to explain to me what you think happened..." The detectives looked at her. "I need you to say it." Her voice shook. "I need you to explain it to me first." She looked at the people in the room. "I need to hear it from you... so..." She licked her lips with exhaustion and a wavering breath. "I need...to hear it because... I need to be upset... here..." She looked at her family. "I can't be upset in front of her."

The female detective next to Captain Marshall nodded. "The lab still needs to confirm," the woman began.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Shelby snapped.

"Pam Shepherd," she said extending her hand.

"She's a part of my team," Frank Marshall explained. He nodded for Pam to continue.

"Like we said before, there are stains on the inside of her dress."

Shelby frowned. "I don't understand." She shook her head. "Go on," she whispered.

"We believe that he forced her to help him ejaculate." Pam paused and watched Shelby soak in her words. "And that he did it on her." Shelby let out a sob. "It was all over the inside of all of her clothes."

The mother shook her head. "He forced her... he …. He forced her to wear it home." She looked at the family. "That's why she freaked out when the water was spilled on her." Shelby paced away from her family trying desperately to grasp the situation.

"Shelby," she heard her mother calling her.

"No," she shouted as she put her hand up. "I just... What do you want to do? How do you suggest that we move forward?"

Captain Marshall looked at them. "We start by talking to them. We need to see where they are." He saw Shelby's look of confusion. "We have a forensic psychologist that we can bring in-"

"She won't talk to him. She has her own therapist," Shelby said quickly. "She won't talk to your person. Quinn definitely won't talk to her. She's just warming up to her therapist now."

"Let's just figure out where we are," Bear said gently. She looked at Shelby and she took a deep breath. "Okay?"

"We all stay," she said simply.

Captain Marshall narrowed his eyes. "Fine," he said finally. "But if I ask you or anyone to leave you leave."

Shelby nodded and started out of the room. "Let's do this."

She led the group back into the room. She nodded with a stern look and wore the look into the room.

Quinn knew that look. No one had the guts to go against that look. Quinn turned her head. She didn't want to look at that. She looked over at Rachel. She was still laying on her side into Santana. She wasn't making any noises, but she could see her back rising and falling more rapidly. She was heaving; she was nervous.

"What's going on?" Noah asked standing up.

"We need to talk to the girls," Shelby said. She looked over at Quinn who was leaning up slightly. She put her hands on the bar on Quinn's hospital bed. "Can you do this?"

Quinn looked at her and swallowed. "I..." she looked over at Rachel. "Okay."

Shelby leaned down and looked over at Rachel. "Bug? Can you sit up please?"

"I'mtiredmumma," she whispered, but the noise was muffled because she was speaking for the most part into Santana's side.

"Sweetheart, we just want to talk with you," she said quietly.

"I don't want to," she muttered. "Ican't." She reached up and took Santana's hand. "I don't want to."

"Rachel," Shelby whispered. She ran her hand over her the top of Rachel's head. She swallowed the lump in her throat that built when Rachel flinched. "This is very hard, bug. However, you need to get up and try." She leaned forward. "I love you so much, you just need to try."

"Maybe we shouldn't," Noah began as he stood up and looking at his family.

"Nothing happened," Rachel said a little more loudly making a quick eye contact with Captain Marshall. "Nothing happened, Mommy. I promise."

"Rachel," she whispered.

"Mom," Santana interjected. Rachel gripped onto her tighter.

"I'm not sure-" Joey began.

There was a quiet beeping that increased in the background.

"Rachel," Pam began. "We just want to ask you a few questions."

"I can't," she muttered.

"Pam, I really think that this room is getting too crowded," Captain Marshall suggested.

"Ican'tIcan'tIcan't," Rachel whispered.

"I'll talk to you," Quinn interjected. "Leave her alone. I already told you it was Will Schuester."

The beeping in the background subtly increased.

"Quinn," Pam said turning away from Rachel. "Can you tell me what happened that day?"

Quinn looked over at Rachel. Her shift caused her to wince in pain. She looked at Pam.

Pam continued, "We need more than the name, Quinn." She looked at the now packed hospital room. "We need to know what happened in the room with the both of you. How did you get there? How did Rachel get there?

The blonde felt all eyes on her but all she heard was the sound of her heart beating rapidly in her chest. Captain Morgan was right. The room was crowded. Her heart was beating so fast that it was almost as if she could hear it.

"Quinn, we just need to know what happened," Pam said.

"I have a headache. I can't be concentrate with all these people in here." She looked at Shelby briefly and then looked away. "Maybe if I could talk to you alone."

The beating pounded in her ears. Suddenly the beating became off. It wasn't succinct; there were two beats. Except one was beating faster. Quinn looked over at Rachel. In that moment, she realized that the faster beat wasn't hers.

"You all need to get out." They looked up and Tom came into the room, followed by a nurse.

"What?" Santana shot defensively.

"Not you," Tom said coming over to Rachel's bed. "But I do need you to move over." Santana scooted over. "Rachel, you need to calm down honey." She kept a tight grip on Santana. Tom looked over his shoulder. "Shelby, we need to clear the room." Tom turned back to Santana. "We need to calm her down."

"Rach," Santana whispered. "It's okay. Come on, Rach." The grip that the girl had on her was tight and surprising.

Rachel loosened her grip and Tom leaned her back. "You're okay," he assured. "You're just having a panic attack."

He continued to talk to her quietly as Shelby moved everyone out of the hospital room and turned back to the room.

"What can I do?" Noah asked his mother.

"Hold on," she whispered with a small, weak smile. She turned toward Quinn. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she said with gritted teeth. Shelby squinted her eyes.

"It's time for your pain meds," Shelby said. She looked over her shoulder at Rachel. She spotted a nurse coming in. "We can ask them to increase the dose."

Quinn shook her head. "No, I'm fine."

Shelby frowned and turned to Rachel, Santana, and Tom. The nurse was putting the familiar nebulizer mask. She heard Tom muttered instructions to the nurse. Medicine was put in the IVs of both girls. After a few more minutes, the girls relaxed and the beeping slowed and they were asleep.

"Noah, can you take Santana to go get something to eat. Meet your grandparents out in the lobby please."

"Mom, I want to stay here," Santana said as she ran her hand through Rachel's hair.

"I know," Shelby said gently. "Please just get something to eat and then you can come back. Okay?"

She nodded slightly as she watched Shelby look anxiously at Dr. Pierce. She looked down at Rachel. "Fine," she whispered.

Shelby watched her two eldest leave the room.

"So what's going on?" she asked when their footsteps faded in the hallway.

"Shelby, I wanted to talk to you about the surgeries and how the girls are expected to recover. I feel that they both will recover from their physical injuries just fine."

"But?" Shelby asked, waiting for the last ball to drop.

"They are healthy girls but it could be a long road for the both of them. Rachel is small for her age and she doesn't eat much but after this week she is going to have to increase her caloric intake and start taking vitamins. Quinn is maturing fine but she is underweight for her size and she is also going to need vitamins and close monitoring because a simple cold could turn into something serious with her if she gets run down."

Tom's face was relaxed but there was more. Shelby could see it. "I know all this," Shelby explained. "Tell me what you're not saying."

Tom took a deep breath. "Having said all this I know that you were there when I did the exam on Rachel and you saw the scratches and bruises. We did a more thorough internal exam in the operating room," he said slowly, watching Shelby's face. "I am not the police. However, medically, I believe that while I am not 100% positive I do think she was not raped … penally. … but with his fingers." Shelby felt tears spring from her eyes as the ironic relief swept over her body. "We also did an internal exam on Quinn and there was no evidence of semen but we did take some samples just to be sure. It is imperative that she talks to the police but based on what we saw there is no evidence that she was raped this time either." Shelby gave him a tearful smile. She realized that he wanted to tell her this to ease the blows that would come. Tom was telling her the things that her daughters couldn't tell the police weren't ready to disclose. He continued. "Both of them will need follow up exams at some point as well. Rachel more so than Quinn. We can arrange that at my office, if its more comfortable for them. But Shelby they will begin to heal physically and both of them while they have to be careful will grow to be wonderful women."

"Thanks, Tom," she muttered.

"I'll have them move another cot or two in here for you and Noah."

He started for the door.

"They weren't raped?" she whispered. It was a mixture of a statement and a question.

"Yes," he said. "That's what I think. That's my medical opinion."

Shelby nodded tearfully. "Kay."

Silently, he bowed out of the room, allowing her the time to piece her broken pieces back together.

…...

Santana felt like she was moving in slow motion. She leaned slightly into her brother as he walked next to her. He wrapped his arm around her. While they didn't like each other all of the time, they had built a rapport over the years that just fit; this was one of them.

"You're doing a good job, Taz," he whispered as he kissed the top of her head.

"Thanks I really -" She stopped mid-step.

"What?" Noah asked feeling Santana's body tighten. "San?"

Everything was still moving in slow motion. However, something changed. Something was different. They weren't moving in slow motion because her heart and body ached with exhaustion anymore. Now the adrenaline was pumping.

"Hey!" Santana called. A group of doctors turned to look at her. All except one. The one that Santana recognized. She knew that face; it was burned permanently into her memory. And she knew that there was no way that he was medical professional.

"Hey!" Santana broke away from Noah.

"Santana, what?"

Santana raced toward the group of doctors. No one moved.

"Someone grab him," Santana screamed.

Bear rounded the corner. "Santana? What's going on?"

"He's there!" she said hurriedly. Bear walked over to the doctors and searched their faces.

"Santana," he began. "I don't think..."

Santana arrived there and looked at the doctors. She saw him. However, somehow, he wasn't there anymore.

"I..I..I.. swear," she stuttered. "I swear I saw him." Was she seeing him? or was he there?

"Come on," Bear said. "Let's get you some food."

"I want to head back to the room," Santana said starting back toward the room.

"No," Bear said. "Let's take you down to the lobby."

Santana gave in and followed them to the lobby.

"Sanna, you look so tired," Joey said.

"Thanks," she sneered. She folded her arms. "I need to head back."

"Your mother is with them, San," Nana said. "They're okay."

"Here," Joey said handing the kids an energy bar. Santana took a bite but felt eyes on her. She bit into the bar and chewed it slowly. Was this lunch? or dinner? Joey interrupted her. "Nana and I are going to take the shift tonight and you and mom are going to get some rest in a real bed so you can come back and help them tomorrow."

"No," Santana said simply. "What about Noah?"

"He slept last night," Joey said simply. "You didn't."

Santana frowned at her. How did she know that? She didn't want to admit it but Rachel woke her up at least every hour. One might have assumed that the Rachel would have slept the night. However, she didn't.

"I'm fine," Santana assured. "Rachel can't sleep alone right now. Quinn can't sleep alone either. Someone needs to be in the room." She shook her head. She waved a hand at her uncle. "You haven't even caught him. I heard you talking in the hallway. He's obsessed with her. He's not just going to go away."

"Santana," Bear began. "That's not something I want you to worry about. It's not your job."

"It is my job," she snapped. "Quinn and Rachel have been through enough and they're not going to go through anymore. Why don't we have a policeman on the door? And not one of those fat, old guards. I want someone real who can run and wrestle someone and-"

"Santana," Bear interrupted. "Do not worry about that."

"How can I not? She doesn't have a damn kidney. Quinn doesn't have a freakin' spleen because they were driving away from him."

"They weren't in a high speed chase, San" Nana said quietly. "They were sitting at a light. They were simply at the wrong place at the wrong time."

Santana scoffed and shook her head. "I know that. I wasn't there... I should have been there."

"We're taking you home," Nana said simply. "It's not up for debate."

"Nana, Rachel needs me." Her voice was softer and more defeated. She was pleading.

Helen looked at her softly. "She has you, but she has you less when you're not at your best."

Santana sighed as she was led back down the hallway. Shelby was sitting quietly in the room watching the girls sleep. She wouldn't want to leave, Santana thought. They wouldn't make us leave.

"Shelby?"

"Yeah?" she asked standing and walking towards the door.

"You need to go home," Helen said casually.

"Mom," she said as she shook her head. "I'm not leaving them. Things are too chaotic right now and -"

"I checked with the doctor," Helen said. "They'll be out for the night."

"They can't be alone."

"They won't be," Joey said. "They'll be out for the rest of the night. Noah and I will stay."

"No," Santana argued. "Why does he get to stay and I can't?"

"I already told you," she told her granddaughter. "You need to sleep."

"I'll sleep with Rachel," Santana said. "I sleep better with her and -"

"Santana, you're going home. You can come back afterward."

"I'm not leaving," she argued. "I'm not leaving her. She can't wake up alone. You don't understand!" she was now shouting. "You don't know what it's like! You don't know what she'll be like if I'm not here." She felt a pang in her chest. She didn't know either; she only know what Rachel was like in the hospital when she was there for infections not like she was after she went through something like this. The thing was, Santana knew what how upset Rachel still was when she woke up alone. She wasn't going to responsible for that again; she couldn't be. "I'm staying here!" she said tearfully. "I'm staying!"

Shelby saw her own tiredness on her daughter's face. She saw the anxiety and exhaustion that traced her features. She knew that they needed to go.

"San," Shelby said quietly. "Noah will stay, but we need to go. We'll go home. We'll shower. We'll eat. And come back."

"Shelby, you really need to sleep," Helen said. Her youngest daughter shot Helen a look. "Okay." She looked at the family. "Okay."

…..

After careful instructions from Santana, Noah settled into Rachel bed. His uncle was pacing in the hallway. He tried to explain that he could take anyone down, but his uncle told him that wasn't his job. He had to bite his tongue and tell her that he had done this before. He glanced over at Quinn. He had a new respect for her. He knew she didn't want to talk about what had happened to her, but he could see it in her eyes. Something had. Everything that she had dealt with they hadn't talked about. Her father, Finn being an asshole, the pregnancy... He trailed off. Neither of them were the talking types. However, he wanted her to not feel alone, but he wasn't sure how to do that. He couldn't do that for Santana or Rachel. How could he do that for a new sister?

He looked at the clock. They were coming back soon. However, Rachel was still asleep next to him. Santana was careful to tell him that her pain medicine only lasted for a certain time. However, his mother interrupted her and explained that the nurses know when to give the girls their pain medicine. There was nothing he could do. He was useless. He could be comforting, but he was the last person they would go to. He could do tasks, but not good enough. He could do a lot, but he was always second best.

A tiny moan brings him from his stupor. He looked down and Rachel was gripping tightly onto his pant leg.

"Ipromiseiwonttell," she mumbled. Suddenly her little body jumped. She looked around frantically and the beeping in the room increased.

"Pleasenomore. Please. Ithurts," she mumbled as she frowned deeply in her sleep.

He bent over his torso that he was closer to her. He hated all of the wires. If they weren't there, he would lift her up and into his arms. Santana had said exactly what he was thinking. He was busy running plays on the football field and Rachel was inside begging for someone to come to her rescue and again, he wasn't there. No one was there for her

"Calm down, bug. I'm right here," he whispered.

She sat up a little and much to his protests wrapped her arms, clad with wires around his neck. She was wearing a smaller hospital gown now. It actually fit her. It had animals on it. Did they need to remind everyone around them of her innocence? His aunt once explained that it was to make the kids feel more comfortable. He still hated it. Quinn didn't have to wear one with animals, but hers had a weird pattern, like stripes or puking dots, he wasn't sure what the pattern was called.

"I'm glad you're here," she whispered.

"Rach, you should really lay down," he soothed hugging her as if she was already shattered glass. Rachel continued to hug him silently. "San will be back soon."

"Okay," she whispered, but she didn't let him go.

He waited a few moments. She was trembling slightly. The last time he was in the hospital when they were in New York he knew exactly what to do. However, the instincts he had at ten years old were gone. Age had worn them away and all he was left with was doubt.

"Noah?" he voice was quiet.

"The nurses will be in soon, Rach," he said quietly. "Do you want anything?"

She shook her head. "Are you mad?"

He frowned. "No, why would I be?"

She shrugged.

"When you leave, Noah," she whispered. "Don't forget me okay?"

"Rachel," he said gently, pulling away from her. "I'm not leaving you. not now. Not ever."

She searched his eyes. He couldn't tell what she was thinking. Finally she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Sing me the song?"

He frowned . He put his hands on her ribs, bt then pulled away because he remembered that she broke her ribs. He needed to see her, to try to look at her eyes. He needed to make sure she understood. He wouldn't leave her. "Rach, did you hear what I said?"

"Noah," she whispered. "Please sing me the song." She gripped a little tighter. "Please."

He knew that she hurt. With broken ribs and a weak body, he knew she was hurting. He didn't want to hurt her more, but she was still pushing herself because she needed Noah to understand something he couldn't. He couldn't argue with her now. He sighed and began humming the classic Beatles song.

"Close your eyes and I'll miss you..."

He continued to sing it. Rachel was back asleep. Why after all this time did she think he was leaving her? What did he have to do to disprove that? He heard Quinn give a tiny whimper of pain in her sleep. Soon after the nurses came in and put stuff in their IVs. He frowned watching Quinn. It occurred to him in that moment that she had no one to hold her; not that she would want anyone to. Her surgery had left her body weak too. She would never admit it; therefore, he never would either. He knew that her surgery was in her abdomen and her stitches, a broken arm in cast, a concussion and stitches in head, and general aches and pains from car crash left her aching more that he could understand.

"Son, she needs to lay back down," a nurse told him gently.

"I'm not your son," he said lowly as he cradled Rachel's head and laid him next to him on the bed.

Rachel gave a small moan at the loss of contact. Noah leaned down and wrapped his arms around her, making sure to grab George for her.

He was eighteen years old. He was now a man. He didn't know what he wanted to do or who he wanted to be, but he knew that he wouldn't leave them alone. He couldn't do much, but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't help but think about the letter. He felt a pang in his chest. That monster wanted to see them. Although, Noah became confused and uncomfortable picturing Rachel as a eighteen year old, he was going to make damn sure that he never saw her. Ever. He would never see Santana. He looked over at Quinn. He didn't know all of the details but he knew that monsters might not think the same, but they were made the same. Quinn wouldn't ever return to Russell. Not ever.

…..

Shelby knocked gently on Santana's door. She hadn't heard much movement in there since she heard the shower stop running.

"San?" she asked gently. She didn't get an answer. "San?"

She opened the door and wasn't surprised to see her strong daughter wrapped idly in her towel staring down at the sweatshirt that was still lying on bed, where Rachel had gently folded it. She had worn it that night and then brought it back from Florida.

"I-I-I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't know why Rachel lied to me. It doesn't make sense. She doesn't lie to me."

"San," Shelby said walking into the room.

Santana stepped back and shook her head. "No," she said. "She wouldn't lie to me."

Shelby knew that Santana thought that Rachel wouldn't lie. However, Shelby knew that Rachel understood the burden Santana bore. She was now comprehending it more than ever before that Rachel saw exactly what Santana put herself through everyday. However, before this the lies had been little. It wasn't the volley ball battles at school, before it was lunch boxes that were taken, small lies about quiet memories that snuck under the surface. All the hints had been there. Shelby missed them too and she felt the ache of it every minute when she was reminded of it. She felt foolish in that moment, even more so than the moment before, because her strong, incredible and stubborn daughter, was realizing it too.

"She wouldn't...She...She wouldn't..." Santana said.

She was staring there in the room wrapped in a towel but practically exposed in every way.

"Santana," Shelby said gently. "You did nothing wrong. She was trying to protect you in the only way she knew how."

"No! No!" Santana said grabbing a sports bra, underwear, and sweatpants. With her towel still on, she pulled the sports bra on over the towel and her underwear and sweatpants on a rapid pace. She shook her head as she pulled the towel off. Of all her children, Santana and Noah were the ones that seemed to forget modesty. They were always changing in front of her when they were trying to carry on conversations. Rachel would changed in front of her, but not as sporadically as Santana and Noah. Quinn was definitely not one to forget and change in front of someone.

"Santana," Shelby started again.

The sixteen year old grabbed the sweatshirt from the bed and pulled it over her head.

"She lied to me. She lies. She lied to me." She waved her arm. "How did she think I couldn't handle it? Me? Me?"

She started for the door. "I could have fixed this. This never would have happened if she told me!" She looked at her mother. "Does she not trust me?"

"Santana-" Shelby began again.

"I tried," she began. "I tried," she whispered forcefully. "I checked on her once. In the lesson. Kurt was there. It went fine. I just... I …. What did I do wrong? Tell me what I did wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Santana," Shelby said taking a step toward her. She cupped her face gently in her hands. "Nothing. Rachel lied. She didn't want us to know. She didn't want us to know. She still doesn't. It's not on you. That is not on you."

"It is," Santana yelled pulling away. She swung her arm out and swiped a lamp off of the table. "It is!"

"Santana," Shelby said. "Look at me. Just look at me."

"No," Santana said. "she picked up the lamp's ceramic piece and start to throw them in the trash can. "NO," she said more forcefully. "We need to get back. We need to go."

"Santana," Shelby said more forcefully. She put her hands over the pieces and stopped her. "Look at me."

"No, Mom. I can't look at you. I can't stop. I can't not think about how everything I do isn't good enough and how people like you and Brittany are trying so hard for no reason."

"San, what?"

"Nothing," she muttered throwing the pieces in the trash. "I'll get the vacuum."

"Santana, stop," Shelby commanded. She stopped, but didn't turn around. "Rachel may need you right now, but I need you to be healthy. You're exhausted. You need to take care of yourself. I know you would never hurt Rachel, but you need to figure this out and I need you to see that this is not okay." She saw Santana tilt her head slightly, but the girl still didn't turn around. "You know that these outbursts of yours are becoming more frequent. I'm grateful that you're reigning it in now. You're picking up. But you need to figure this out."

"I'm pissed, Mom," she snapped. She took a breath. "This shouldn't be happening. This shouldn't have happened."

"I know, San," Shelby said gently. Her own eyes teared up. "I know. I retraced everything. Why I didn't go into that locker room earlier, why I didn't go looking for her dress earlier. how I didn't see that she was lying. Now, it's obvious, but you can't go back. But punishing yourself …..it doesn't ease that."

"You don't know, Mom," Santana said finally turning to her with her arms crossed. "You don't know."

"I know what it's like, San," Shelby whispered to know how one mistake ruined everything. "I know what it feels like." She took a shaky breath. " To know if you would have stayed, things wouldn't have happened."

Santana's face fell. Her mother had never talked about it. She had never said that. Santana knew exactly what she was talking about. She was talking about New York. In the back of her head Santana always wondered if her mother felt guilty. She spent a lot of time blaming her mother. They talked about it a few times in therapy while in New York. She brought it up a few times with Julia, but her mother never prompted it. She never offered her own feelings. Santana looked away from her mother. It was too real; it was too much. Therefore, she opted to stare at the tiny shattered pieces of ceramic lamp on her carpet. They lay waiting for something to take them away, because otherwise they would remain broken, ready to cut the vulnerable.

"Bottom line, San," Shelby finally said. "You need to rest."

Santana looked at her, drained. "So do you." She muttered. "But I can't do it here. Can't we just go back to hospital?"

Shelby shook her head gently. "No, because you can't rest there. The nurses are coming in every hour or so to check Rachel and Quinn's vitals. I know you wake up every time. This is why you're so tired. You need your rest to be strong. You need to be willing to help yourself." Santana looked back at the pieces on the ground. Shelby continued. "Eat the dinner your Nana made with me and then let's take a nap. We'll head back after that."

Santana looked at her for a moment.

"Okay," she conceded. "Okay."

Perhaps it was in Shelby's plan the whole time. Or perhaps it was Helen's plan. After dinner, Santana assured her mother that they would be getting up in an hour tops. However, Santana didn't wake up after an hour. When Shelby woke up four hours later, Santan was still sleeping soundly next to her. She called Bear at the hospital and was assured that Quinn and Rachel hadn't woken up. Rachel woke up once with Noah so they increased her pain meds so she could sleep through the night. Noah was curled around Rachel. The nurses had managed to figure out a system where they wouldn't wake Noah up when they came to check Rachel's vitals. Shelby crawled back into bed and wrapped her arms around Santana and they both slept. Before she gave into sleep, there was a vague memory of the pieces of lamp that remained un vacuumed on the floor. Despite its memory, she drifted into sleep knowing that she needed to follow her own advice.

….

The next morning, Santana jolted awake next to Shelby.

"We did not sleep for an hour," she announced. She hurried around the house getting ready to leave. Shelby barely had time shower and get dressed before Santana was in the garage honking the Range Rover's horn. Shelby faintly heard her mother scolding Santana at the fifth honk. She felt her daughter's anxiety, but it seemed to be amplified.

When they finally arrived back at the hospital, Santana reminded her mother of how late they were. Shelby had to inform her that it was still only five forty-five. Rounds weren't until six in the morning. She never thought she would see the day that her daughter would scold her for not waking up before five in the morning.

"Finally," a nurse said with an exasperated sigh.

"What do you mean finally?" Shelby asked, finally catching up with Santana, who had moved ahead of her.

"Well," the nurse said with a slight role of her eyes. "Your older daughter woke up at four am. Ask me how I know?" Santana opened her mouth to ask, but didn't have a chance to ask a question. The nurse's question was apparently rhetorical. "She's been ringing the nurse call button every six minutes. Yes, six. Not five. Not ten but six." She let out a heavy sigh. "Also, your son, snores. And your youngest daughter has been poking him and then occasionally he makes this loud snoring noise that scares her enough to send her heart monitor off. She's playing your son like a jack in the box." Santana snorted in laughter under her hand. Shelby gave her a gentle nudge. They were all aware of Noah's snoring antics. "Please," the nurse continued with a frown at the women. "My staff is exhausted. We have other patients."

"And we are well-aware of that," Shelby replied. "Don't worry. I will make sure my children know this behavior is unacceptable." Shelby gave the nurse a nod. "It will not happen again."

Shelby grabbed Santana's hand that was still trying to muffle her scoff and headed into the girl's room.

"Quinn, take your finger off that buzzer," Shelby said as Santana went over to the bed and smacked Noah in the head.

"Wake up, butthead," she said as she leaned over and kissed Rachel on the forehead. "Morning, bug."

Rachel gave a small smile. "Hi." She turned to her mother. "Mommy, can we go home?" Rachel asked as Santana shook Noah awake. He rolled out of the bed and ran his hands over his face as Santana climbed into the bed taking the spot he occupied seconds before.

Shelby sighed. "I'm not sure, Rach," she said gently sitting on Quinn's bed, noting how the blonde grimaced uncomfortably as if she felt out of place. "We need to wait until the nurses start their rounds." She turned to Quinn. "That call button is not a toy. What is it that you were so anxious to accomplish may I ask?"

Quinn frowned. "Well, I want to leave." She lowered her gaze slightly. "I thought I was leaving."

"I don't know if you guys can be discharged yet. You haven't even gotten out of bed and -"

"Well, get me out of bed," she interrupted. "I want to get up."

"Quinn, calm down. Healing takes time. You need to give your body a chance to rest." The blonde grumbled something to herself. "What was that?" Shelby asked leaning her head down and forward to catch the girl's eyes.

"Nothing," Quinn whispered.

"What did you say, Quinn?" Shelby asked again. She looked over and saw Noah saunter into the restroom and Santana whispering quietly to Rachel playing with George, causing the tiny girl to smirk. "They're not listening. What did you say?"

"I just want to go," the blonde said catching the woman's eye. "I just …. I need to get out of here."

Shelby looked at Quinn's eyes carefully trying her best to read them. "You're not leaving until your body is ready and the doctors and I say so." She took Quinn's hand. "I love you too much for you to push your body. You need to rest and treat it right." She looked at her with her brows raised. "You need to respect the work they do in this hospital. They don't need you ringing that bell every six minutes."

Quinn nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"Alright, but make sure you apologize to them too." The blonde nodded. "And Rachel, your brother is not a toy. You need to be resting."

Rachel rubbed her eyes and leaned back into Santana. "I am. I want to go home."

Shelby took a deep breath. "I know, Rach." The sound of a toilet flushing filtered into the room as Noah teetered in. "Wash your hands, Noah." Shelby ordered. He huffed and turned around. "We all need to talk guys."

Rachel turned her head and looked up at Santana, causing Shelby to think of her when she was little. She looked so much younger in that dinosaur patterned hospital gown. Shelby took a deep breath. She had to focus. Noah emerged from the restroom and plopped himself in a chair.

"I need to know what happened, girls. It's just us, okay?" She looked at the four kids.

Her eyes paused at Quinn's cast, the finger bruises on Rachel's faces where he covered her mouth as she screamed, at the hand print bruise on Quinn's upper arm.

"We need to talk," Shelby said gently.

"Nothing happened, Mommy," Rachel whispered leaning into Santana. Quinn looked at her and Shelby could tell the blonde's own head was spinning.

Shelby spotted Bear come to the door behind them. She went on before Santana could say something. "Rachel," she said gently. "The day before yesterday, was a very scary day for me." Rachel looked at her and then looked down at her the stuffed monkey, quietly lifting its arms and clapping them together. "You were taken and we didn't know where you were."

"Well... I...I... um..." Rachel continued to look at her stuffed monkey.

"Eighty-four minutes, Rachel. I didn't know where you were," Shelby said. She looked back at Quinn. "and then I didn't know where you were for about seven. It would have been longer, Quinn. However, you're very good apparently of sneaking out of Elyse's office." She looked at them. "You are safe here. I just need to understand what happened."

"Nothing," Rachel whispered. "I just... um... well... uh... "

"I skipped and I wanted to speak to Mr. Schuester," Quinn said suddenly.

The four brunettes looked at her. "What?" Santana asked.

"I wanted to speak with him," she said with a slight nod.

"Quinn, please don't," Rachel whispered. "You don't know anything. Please … don't …. please stop talking."

Shelby looked over are her dinosaur patterned child. For some reason, she felt so distracted by the dinosaurs. Why was Rachel wearing dinosaurs?

"Rachel," Shelby said regaining her focus. She saw big tears running down her face.

"I promise... I'm okay... I just... I just want to go home."

The mother took a deep breath. "Rachel, we found the dress in the linen closet."

Rachel's head shot up and then she winced; she had forgotten about the concussion. Her breathing became rapid. She opened her mouth to form words but they were stuck. Shelby could see her visibly shaking.

"Sweetheart, you're safe with us."

"Hey, kiddo," a new voice said at the door. They looked up and a young doctor at the door. "Sorry. I'm Dr. Sullivan. Did Dr. Pierce tell you we were bringing her down for a CAT scan?"

Shelby took a deep breath. "What?" she asked with her eyes closed.

"Good morning," Dr. Pierce said walking into the room. "Rachel, you ready for your cat scan?" He looked around the room sensing the tension. "Is everything okay?"

Rachel nodded. "I'm ready to go. Can Santana come with us?"

Dr. Pierce looked at Shelby and she gave a nod. "Santana, let the doctors do their job and be on your best behavior," she said standing up. She gave rachel a tight side hug. "I love you," she said quietly into Rachel's ear, kissing her softly on the forehead. "We'll talk more later okay?" Shelby walked them to the door and exchanged a look with Joey in the hallway to follow the girls. Shelby turned back and the nurse was taking Quinn's vitals. "Noah, they're going to change the girls' bed linens and things." She rubbed her son's toned arms as he gave a big yawn. She caught Bear's eye. "Go with your uncle and get something to eat?"

"Why does Rach need a CAT scan?" he asked looking at the door.

"They need to make sure her other kidney is working," she said softly. "She's okay, Noah."

He frowned. "Can I go with them?"

"I don't know if you can catch up," Shelby began. "You can try though."

"Will Quinn need one? I can go with her," he said looking at Quinn.

"What?" Quinn asked as the nurse took off the blood pressure cuff.

"He's asking if you need someone to go with you to get a CAT scan."

She frowned in surprise. "I don't," she said quietly. She shook her head. "I just want to get out of here."

"Well, you can't until you're all healed and stuff," Noah replied.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm getting out of here."

Shelby arched a brow. "Noah, go get some food please."

He frowned and looked at Quinn, but left.

"What's going on?" she asked as she nurse removed the blood pressure cuff.

"I told you," Quinn said trying to sound tough, but failing. "I just want to get out of here."

Shelby narrowed her eyes. She knew that there was something that the girl wasn't saying.

"We going to try and get you up out of the bed today," the nurse began.

"Well, I'm leaving today," Quinn spat. "I hope I'm out of bed."

"Quinn!" she scolded. "Cool it."

The nurse went on regardless of the the tension. "Right now we are going to remove the catheter and get you in the bathroom to wash up a little. We have a special bag for your arm and we can't get the iv wet either so we will help you."

The nurse reached for the IV. "Okay, you're going to feel a little pinch-" She paused. "Or not." SHe looked back at Shelby.

"What?" Shelby asked.

"It seems that the IV has already been taken out and it's just taped to her hand to make it look like it's in," the nurse explained. She reached and felt the sheet. It was wet. "How long have you been letting your medicine go into your bed?"

Quinn frowned. "I don't want the medicine anymore because it makes me so tired and I don't want to sleep." She avoided Shelby's eyes and pressed her lips together with a sigh. "I just want out of the hospital and to get on with where I'm going."

Shelby frowned. "Will you please excuse us?" The nurse looked at her with hesitation. "Please."

The woman sighed and left. Shelby followed her to the door and closed it behind her. SHe paused for a moment at the door, resting her hand on the handle. Quinn could only guess that she was gathering her thoughts. Perhaps this was the moment where this perfect person would finally lose it. Quinn didn't realize how badly she needed Shelby to lose it until it became a possibility. Now that it was, it was also a hope. Shelby turned slowly in a way that reminded Quinn of a horror film she saw when she was younger.

She released a shaky breath. "I know this is difficult for you-"

"Actually, you don't," Quinn fired.

"You're right," Shelby said. "I don't. But you need to take care of yourself, Quinn. I need you to take care of you."

"That's what I'm doing!" she fired back. "But you keep messing it up!"

Shelby narrowed her eyes. She released another breath. "Quinn," she said calmly. "You need to get better. You can't do that if the nurses are injecting medicine that they think is going into your body into your mattress." She pinched the bridge of her nose. " You will be going home when the doctors decide that you can go home – and I am disappointed that you took out the IV. You understand, now that this might mean that you have to stay longer, right?" Quinn frowned. "Lets start cleaning you up and i will go talk to Dr. Pierce and see when and if we can get you out of here anytime soon." She started back for the door and paused. She turned back. "They're probably going to give you a sponge bath..." She searched Quinn's eyes. "Are you okay with that?"

"No," Quinn spat.

Shelby sat gently on the edge of her bed. "Do you want me ask if I can do it instead?"

Quinn shook her head. "Well, I feel disgusting..." She let her own words sink in.

Shelby saw the girl begin to retreat into herself. She spoke up attempting to bring her back. "Well, I need to know how to do it when you're home. I'll suggest that Rachel do it with you. She hates it. I know she would feel better having someone do it with her. What do you think?" The blond looked up at her quickly and looked away. She gave a brief nod. "I'll go get the nurse. Jackie said she wanted to stop by and talk to you. Hopefully, we'll have you girls home in the next day or so..."

Quinn let Shelby's voice drowned out. There it was, Quinn realized. Jackie was going to tell her she was going away. The words that they had said the day before were false. She knew that good people didn't have the heart to say the bad things, the truths. And the trust was, Shelby didn't have time for her. She just didn't. The woman had too much on her plate, but she was too stubborn to give up her charity case that was Quinn Fabray; and the charity case knew that. She was confirming everything that she thought. Quinn watched Shelby leave. She didn't realize it would hurt this much to acknowledge what they already knew.

She barely noticed the nurse come back. The woman led her to the bathroom and took out her catheter. Shelby wasn't back yet. Quinn looked at the door one last time, hating that she was disappointed at the woman's absence and confused about the loss that she felt.

She felt as if she was floating in slow motion. It was as if the exhaustion and the reality that had become her life was just hitting her. She was led back to her freshly changed bed where a tray of discolored hospital food waited for her. The nurse said something about eating but she simply leaned back in her pillows, waiting for this chapter of this terrible novel that had become her life to be over. Her eyes settled on Rachel's monkey that lay neglected on the newly made bed.

The door opened and she jumped slightly.

"Oh, sorry," said Pam. "I was looking for your mother."

"She's not my mother," Quinn said quietly. "She's just... She's a nice woman that is being better to me than I deserve." She sat up and looked at the woman.

"Well, let her know that I stopped by," she said. Pam started to leave.

"No," Quinn said. "I want to talk to you." The woman frowned in hesitation. "You want to know what happened, don't you?" Quinn paused. "Rachel needs to be safe. I'll tell you what I know happened."

…..

Shelby went down the hallway and spotted Pam and Captain Marshall talking around the corner. She gave a heavy sigh. SHe wasn't sure where to begin, but she knew the girls needed to get better. She wanted to catch the bastard, but hounding the girls wasn't going to do it.

She spotted Tom as she rounded the corner.

"Shelby, hi," he said putting down the chart he was signing.

"Hi," she began. "I really need to get them home. They're not doing well here. I would also like the nurse to bathe Quinn and Rachel together. I think they need to support each other."

Tom nodded. "Sure," he replied. The two began to talk about the possibilities of releasing the girls' home early. Tom's main concern was making sure that any procedures that were needed were completed.

"I don't know, Shelby," Tom began. "I understand what you're saying but..."

"Tom," she interrupted. "This isn't just hard because of the situation." She searched her friend's eyes. "This is hard because both of these girls have done this before. And I think you know that."

Dr. Pierce had been friends with the Corcorans since they moved to Lima. He wasn't an idiot. He watched the news. He knew what had happened to the family. His own girls were too young to remember the national hype around the case. He sighed.

"I know," he whispered. "I'll try. He took a deep breath. "If things get worse... emotionally, I mean... we can look into maybe having someone do some home visits."

She nodded. "So... you and I have talked a lot..."

"Yeah..." he said confused.

"As my daughters' doctor." He nodded again. "However, you and I haven't talked at all about that fact that your daughter is dating my daughter."

He gave a nervous smile and leaned back away from her grabbing another chart. "Shelby," he said with a shake of his head. "Now's not the time for that."

"I actually think it is, Tom," Shelby replied.

He took a deep breath and stared at the chart for a few moments before looking up. "I love my daughter and I care deeply for Santana. I always have." He looked up at her. "We're getting used to the idea."

"It's not an idea, Tom," Shelby said carefully. "This isn't something that just sprouted out of nowhere, like the Kool Aid stand they made in your front yard when they were ten and which then morphed into them selling your lawn furniture." She shook her head. "This is who they are. They're discovering who they are and that is hard enough as a teenager, but discovering that they are different than most of their other peers, different than who they thought they were... That's so hard... They need our support."

Tom closed the chart. "I appreciate what you're trying to do here," he said shaking his head. "But at the end of the day, Santana is your daughter and Brittany is mine." He put up his hand. "I know that I love my daughter and I will not tell you how to raise yours. I'll support Brittany and I will, but this isn't an easy adjustment for Valerie and I."

"And it is for me?"

Tom opened his mouth as if to say something but stopped.

Shelby shook her head. "Because of Leroy," she said with a shake of her head and an unamused smile. "I'm more complex than the person you've simplified me to be in your head." She paused and watched him. "And so is your daughter." She started to walk down the hallway and paused. "When you're ready, I would like to talk to you about this." She scoffed. "Maybe when you've adjusted to the 'idea.'"

"Shelby," Tom called. He walked up to her. "I'm a good man."

"I never said you weren't," Shelby replied. "But to me it isn't about you being good or bad."

"How's that possible? I mean..." he trailed off again.

She chuckled. "It's possible because it's how I see things. I've been through too much for there to be clear cut lines of good and bad." She sighed. "I respect you and you and Val are two of my oldest friends. We just see the world differently." She gave a deep breath. "It's just hard because our worlds tend to be pretty intertwined."

…..

Quinn looked at Pam for a moment, pausing. However, she knew she had to tell her or else they would never catch him. She began.

"I was supposed to go somewhere and I went back to school instead," Quinn said.

"Where were you supposed to be?" Pam asked.

Quinn shook her head and continued. "But Santana and Coach Sylvester wouldn't let me practice."

"Why is that?" Pam asked.

The blonde looked at her and continued. "So I knew that Will Schuester was inside." She avoided Pam's eyes. "Rachel was different since her last lesson with him...She was scared... and …. She was different...I wanted to talk to him about it..." She looked up at the detective with a new fierce look. "I knew he knew something." SHe shook her head. "When I got there, he was fixing his shirt." She narrowed her eyes at the memory. "He had this bruise on his face. I looked around and Rachel's coat was on the floor..." Quinn bit her lip. "I walked around and saw her underwear under his desk... " The blonde straightened, unaware that Pam was already aware of those details because the evidence from the classroom had been recovered. "Rachel wasn't there." She shook her head. "So I went in grabbed the coat ….That's when I noticed blood on the floor and that's when I went to look for Rachel..." She paused for a moment and then said hurriedly, "Then I found her in the locker room. She was a mess... She was crying and wanted to leave. So I … uh... borrowed, Noah's keys … and then... well... you know the rest..."

Pam looked at her carefully. "How did you get that bruise on your arm? It looks like it's in the shape a hand."

The door opened suddenly.

"What's going on here?" Shelby asked.

"I came in here looking for you and Quinn wanted to speak with me privately," Pam said casually.

"I should be here," Shelby said sternly. "You know that. She's a minor."

The blonde frowned and turned away from Shelby. "That's all I remember," she said to Pam.

"You need to leave." Shelby's tone was simple.

She nodded. "Alright," Pam said. "Thank you, Quinn."

Shelby followed her out into the hallway. "You had no right," she said once the door was closed. "You knew to wait until I was with her."

"I understand that, Mrs. Corcoran, but honestly, she didn't tell me much." The mother frowned. "There is a lot that she's not saying, particularly about what happened to her."

They were interrupted as Rachel was wheeled back into the room. Tom followed them in with papers in hand. "I think that we might be able to release, Quinn today if she'd like," he said quietly.

Shelby gave a grateful nod. "That'd be great."

Santana watched her mother sort out paperwork. Quinn was going home. Apparently recovery for a spleen was less than the recovery for a kidney. However, she knew that Quinn was primarily going home because she was a terrible patient. Her mother wanted Quinn to be comfortable at home. And Santana knew what Shelby Corcoran wanted, she got.

Santana watched Quinn wait quietly in the wheelchair. She had a strange look on her face that Santana couldn't read. Rachel was sleeping quietly in the crook of her arm. The CAT scan took more out of her than they expected.

"What's wrong?" Santana asked.

"Nothing," Quinn replied quickly. "Can you thank Brittany for bringing my lamb?"

Santana scoffed. "Thank her yourself. She'll probably be over later while we're grounded. At least for boot camp."

The blonde gave a brief, tight smile. "You need to be strict at practice when you go back because you need to get the squad back as a unit if you're are going to nationals."

She narrowed her eyes. "Quinn, you might not be able to practice with us, but you won't be banned. You lost a spleen not the use of your entire body." She shook her head. "Plus, I don't even know if I want to do Cheerios anymore."

This caught Quinn's attention, pulling her from her catatonic state. "What? Why?"

Santana bit her lip and ran her hand through Rachel's hair. All Santana could think about was Rachel screaming for help and her out on the field thinking that that was where she should be. Quinn must have read her mind.

"Rachel wouldn't want you to quit because of her. Cheerios need you to be their captain."

"Quinn," Santana said carefully. "You're not off the team. You're captain."

"Whatever," the girl replied, thinking that she knew the truth.

"We will talk about it at home," Santana replied. "Rachel should be released soon too."

Rachel stirred in the bed and rubbed her eyes.

The blonde looked at Santana knowing that she could never verbally thank her for all that Santana had done for her. She just didn't have the words. "Just make sure you give Brittany the chance you both deserve. Brittany is there for you so use her even if it is just to be her friend."

"Quinn," Santana said nervously. "What are you doing? I'm going to see you later..."

The blonde shrugged and stared at the girl for a few seconds. "Just incase you get distracted by something that inspires you to do something stupid between now and then," Quinn said in her typical HBIC voice, but she let a small smile slip.

"You're being weird," Santana said with a frown.

"Sanny?" a small voice interrupted.

Santana broke her gaze from Quinn and looked at Rachel. "Hey there, sleepy head?"

"Can I go home?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know, Rach," she replied. "Quinn's going home though."

She watched as Rachel's eyes became big and then full of tears. "What?"

"It's okay," Santana assured. "You'll go home soon too."

Rachel turned and looked at Quinn. "Can I … I'm thirsty...Where's Noah?"

Santana arched her brow. "I'll go get you some ice chips. I can find Noah and Mom for you, okay?"

The tiny brunette didn't break her gaze from the blonde. "Okay."

The elder girl kissed Rachel on the head and climbed out of bed. She gave the slightly younger blonde girl a ghosted pat on the shoulder. "Be right back."

Rachel stared at Quinn and wrapped her arms more tightly around George. It was happening. It happened anyway even without her staying what happened, she still ruined everything

Quinn looked back at Rachel, realizing how hard it would be to say goodbye to her. She hoped Jackie would take her from the house so she didn't have to see Rachel again.

"I …. I'm so so sorry, Quinn," Rachel whispered tearfully.

"None of this is your fault," Quinn said carefully. "Things will be better this way I promise."

Rachel released a small sob. "They won't. I ruined everything. I don't want you to leave."

"You didn't do anything, Rach," she assured. "This is because of what I did and I take up too much attention."

The girl shook her head rapidly. 'You don't. I promise you don't." She looked at her with a plea in her eye. "I need you," she whispered.

"You need to be the strong girl that I know you are," Quinn whispered. "Tell the truth and be good to the others."

Rachel squeezed George tightly, understanding deep in her heart that she would lose them too when they found out that Quinn leaving was her fault. "I'm so sorry."

"Rachel, look at me," she said gently. "You did nothing wrong. I did. That's it. And I'm sorry for that," she whispered. "You are one of the strongest people I know. You can do this. I need you to tell them what happened. Can you do that?"

She didn't answer, but she simply looked at Quinn.

"Rach, you mean more than I can ever say. And... you'll always be my sister, okay?"

Rachel nodded, tears were freely flowing.

"We might not see each other for awhile and even if we don't you need to know that I'm okay and to worry about you. Okay?" She watched as Rachel sob, unaware of the defeat that was settling in the girl's heart was mirroring her own. "As soon as I get some freedom from this group home or wherever they send me, I will make sure to come back to visit you if your mom lets me."

Rachel wiped her tears. "She will."

"We might not be able to though," Quinn explained. "So we might have to do it secretly because your mom probably doesn't want Quinn around you anymore." She stared at the ground, realizing how much she ruined. She regained some strength and chewed her bottom lip. "So maybe we can meet at the park near your house."

Rachel looked at her with big eyes hoping that her one last promise would allow Quinn to stay. "I promise I won't tell."

Quinn gave Rachel a small, grateful smile. She was upset that she couldn't explain the world harsh world to girl, but she was appreciative of the fact that despite what she had been through that reality hadn't eliminated all of Rachel's optimism.

"I already told the truth, Rach," she whispered. She watched with a small sob as Rachel soaked in her words and began to cry harder.

"Quinn," she said with a defeated whine. "You shouldn't have done that. I could have handled it."

"No, you couldn't," she replied shakily.

"Please stay," she begged.

"I can't," Quinn said noticing Shelby and the family returning. She wiped her tears furiously. "Be strong, Rachel."

"But-"

Shelby opened the door with a tired smile. "Ready, Quinn?" she asked. The blonde gave a weak nod. "See I told you would go home."

Quinn forced a smile and tried to ignore the tiny sob that came from Rachel.

"You'll see her soon, Rach," the mother assured.

The blonde couldn't look back at Rachel as she left, because she knew that what Shelby just said couldn't be further from the truth.

Shelby watched the girls with a frown unaware of the promises that had been made and broken in those few minutes and even more unaware of how those promises were built on a misunderstanding that was so distant from the truth.

…..

Quinn couldn't help feel like cattle as she was ushered into the house by Helen and Joey. It had taken almost twenty minutes assuring Shelby that she didn't need her to settle back at the Corcoran house. Helen had given her strict orders to sit on the couch.

"Really, Ma'am," Quinn said. "I would like to go up to the room I've been staying in."

"Your room isn't ready yet," Helen responded, causing Quinn to frown. "Lay on the couch please and rest. I'll get you something to eat. I told you not to call me ma'am," she chuckled. She continued her ramble as she placed pillows and blankets around Quinn to get her comfortable. "Now, Dr. Pierce says you need to eat regularly and take your medicine to keep your strength up. Also, you need to stay in bed. This is a very special arrangement he set up for you. Normally, they would have preferred you stay in the hospital but your mother insisted that you needed to be someplace familiar. So No moving around very much. He said we should even walk you to the bathroom. Your body is still weak and... "

Helen continued to talk as she walked away from her, but Quinn blocked her out not concerned about what she was saying. She looked at the clock wondering when Jackie was going to arrive. She should pack. Why was she down here? She should get her things together. Standing Quinn looked toward the stairs. They were taunting her with their height and difficulty. She sighed. She didn't need any help.

The doorbell rang interrupting her thoughts. That must be Jackie, Quinn thought. Would she be upset that Quinn wasn't pack yet? As she walked slowly to the door, Quinn realized she was ready to leave everything behind, even her lamb as long as she got out of this house, this town.

"Don't get up and answer that door, young lady," Helen called from the kitchen.

Quinn ignored her. She finally reached the door and opened it. She felt her weak body lose the last ounce of strength she had left in her body.

"Hello, Quinn."

Quinn stared at her in shock unable to move.

"What are you doing here?"

**Thanks for reading! Sorry again for the short chapter. The plan is for the next update to be Tuesday. Sorry that this chapter was late. Please let me know what you think. Sorry if it disappointed. Please send me PMs with any questions or concerns. **


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

NayaFan - yeah sorry about the cliffhanger. But it had to be. She will realize this chapter - may not be that accepting of it but she will realize they are in it for the long haul. I could so picture Quinn doing that to the nurses and Rachel doing that to Noah. Yes as much as I want the parents to accept Brittana wholeheartedly I want it to be realistic. Thanks so much for your support and review.

amandaes417 – Never worry about the length of the review – at least you reviewed it – that's what makes me happy. I am glad you are still enjoying it.

Ryuen – Don't worry this chapter Quinn will finally learn where she belongs. Please remember she has been emotionally abused since she can remember so having someone say how much they love her is very foreign to her. But she will learn that she is a very big part of this family this chapter. She won't be an angel for Shelby but she will finally accept that she is one of Shelby's children. Thanks for reviewing and I hope you like it.

Anna – Well who is at the door is answered right away in this chapter. Trust me if it is Judy – she is not one to follow any type of rules when it comes to Quinn so….. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for reviewing

Scout – Your gut is on to something. Santana is like a volcano right now because even though she is not as physically hurt as Rachel or Quinn she is still very emotionally hurt. She is going to need a lot of attention and she is going to have to finally let those walls crumble and let someone in. Thanks for reviewing.

look4me – Well you find out right away who is at the door waiting for Quinn. Quinn will also learn this chapter that she will be staying with the Corcorans and she will finally accept it. That being said everything is not going to be all perfect and rosy. She is Quinn Fabray and some habits will be very hard to break. Thanks for reviewing.

Iuterpi – I am glad I didn't disappoint you. There is a lot of Quinn in this chapter. Santana is getting pretty tired herself and things are starting to take their toll on her. Shelby recognizes this and its time to get the family home and for the therapy to begin. There are a lot of people looking after Rachel so Will should not get close to her and we sure do hope that he is caught soon too. Thanks for reviewing.

Drea LuRuiz – Shelby is strong and Rachel and Quinn have bonded so well. Let's see who is at the door – shall we? Thanks for the review.

A C one - Thank you – sometimes I can be hard on myself but I never want to disappoint. So thank you. You find out who is at the door immediately so hold on. Quinn needs to learn to open up and accept love and that is something she has never been allowed to do. She has no idea how to act when people actually love you. She will though I promise.

Cookie – Santana is going to be going through some rough emotions for a while. She has suppressed her feelings for so long and now she is supposed to talk about them – things are not going to go smoothly with that. Shelby does go to therapy as well but she is also a trained therapist so although she goes she also can cope better than these kids can. Thank you for the review. And trust me I am making a list of torture techniques for Mr. Shuester to suffer.

Karissa – They will be home this chapter – Thanks for the review.

OTHangels – Santana has a lot of people in her corner she just has to learn to accept them. Her and Britt are tighter than they both think. Thanks for reviewing.

Gleek1990 – Rachel and Quinn's speech got to me as well. They are both hurting so much and they need each other so much. One of the reasons Shelby doesn't notice is because Shelby doesn't know all that was said to the girls and Shelby looks at it with reason and Quinn looks at it through fear and past experiences. Thanks for reviewing.

Kimberlli – Let's see if you guessed right? We all cant wait until the creeper gets caught but I its not in this chapter yet. Thanks for the review.

30035 – There were many thoughts about whether Quinn was staying or leaving and you will find out this chapter what happens. What does happen is what is best for all involved. Quinn was rather emotionless at the door. The girl has been taught to hold her emotions in and therefore unless it is uncontrolled anger – her reactions to things are not normal. Sorry I can wish I could update sooner but this is the best I have right now. Thanks for being patient and sticking with the story.

Comfortless soul – Quinn has been taught for the last 16 years that she is useless and a waste so she has no idea how to control anything she feels. She has to relearn even the most basic of things. But she will I promise she will. Thanks for the review.

Theilliterate – Thank you for your review from Chile! Quinn will learn more to be a part. Noah and San will talk some more. Brittany and Santana will definitely have more interactions this chapter. Nana is staying with them for a while so she will most certainly find out about Brittana. They will talk.

lovecanbesostrange – One of the reasons for Rachel and Quinn's miscommunication is that they are both children and have not been listening to everything around them. Another reason is that they have both been traumatized. Just to clarify though- Leroy is the dad who died – Hiram is the evil monster that did everything and is in prison. He sent the letter to Puck when he was 18 its not known yet if he could ever reach out to Santana or Rachel but their mother and uncles will make sure that he never does. You will see who is at the door but it is not Suzy Pepper. Thanks for the review.

Fangirl44 – The girls certainly are not ready to confront their attackers but Noah will never let any of them near his sisters again. Poor Noah he is trying to help so much but feels so lost. He will get there with therapy though. Thanks for the review.

marinka4 – Sorry about the cliffhanger and I normally don't do it but it is where the story needed to be left off. I wish Dexter (from the TV show) was in this story because he would be perfect for Hiram, Will and Russell. But sorry no crossover. Jesse will be in the story later down the road but Rachel has to get better first. Thanks for the review and sorry again for the cliffhanger.

Renata – I would never try to kill my Brazilian! The adults are being as proactive as they can be and do not want to make a mistake by bringing in Mr. Shue too early without enough evidence they may lose him and not be able to have all the charges stick. They are trying but with the lying and the lack of information from the girls there is only so much they can do. But right now all of these kids will be in direct sight of an adult at all times so I think some progress will be made. Both girls are really not going to enjoy sponge baths by Shelby but Shelby will do it gently and with care. As always – thank you so much for your review. I enjoy them a great deal.

cbrownie26 – Nope not her sister! Nice guess though.

NinjaGleek21 – Thanks for the cookie – sorry for the cliffhanger! Enjoy this chapter!

Hazelstar – Read on please – see if you are right? More Brittana in this chapter and a huge step by San. Thanks for the review.

SadPanda13 - First let me start off by saying that you for the review. I am a fan of your stories as well so I am very happy that you enjoy this story. You are so write about predators finding and stalking their prey and it is awful There is a very nice Brittana moment in this chapter and there will be more to come I promise. I completely understand how some people can have a difficult time reading this story and that is why I am so diligent about my warnings on the chapters so thank you for continuing with it and finding a safe place to read it. I am sorry this touches so close to home for you. Again, thank you so much for reading, reviewing and sharing a little piece of yourself.

btvscharmedgirl – Sorry I have driven you crazy. Wait no more read on! Thanks

Rory Flannagan – I welcome you as a reader ! Not sure what # reviewer you were but thank you so so much for jumping on and enjoying this ride. Your words are too kind!

Ryoko05 – the misunderstanding is cleared up in this chapter – don't worry. Thanks for reviewing.

broadwaybound2016 – little secret for you – she doesn't! Sorry for the cliffhanger!

Filmaddict – Thank you so much for your review. I try to leave clues throughout the chapters as to where the story is going and sometimes when I don't have the action packed into the chapter I start to feel weird about the chapter. But thank you because when reviewers let me know that I am writing what I am trying to convey it makes me very happy.

TommyH – Thanks again for the review. Rachel and Quinn will continue to bond as sisters.

**Hi Everyone! Sorry this chapter is so short. I hope to get back to my regular length next time. Thank you again for the reviews and bringing this little story over 1000. It's truly stunning. Thank you.**

**Please let me know what you think. **

**There are few triggers. No flashbacks, but things are discussed. It was a pretty emotional chapter. Please let me know. **

Chapter 35

Quinn stared at the woman at the door. She didn't realize that everything she knew from her entire life had been changed so drastically after all this time she had spent with the Corcorans. Those changes never seemed as clear as they did in this very moment. The moment where her past stared back at her with blazing eyes.

"You... You can't be here," she whispered.

Judy Fabray stared at her. Her Louis Vutton jacket was normally freshly pressed and her hair and make up were usually flawless. However, now on the Corcoran's doorstep, her magazine-ready mother, who always used to hide her venomous self behind her impeccable appearance, never looked so out of place and dishevelled. Nevertheless, to everyone else, Judy Fabray remained put together as the matriarch of the Fabray line.

"I can do as I want," she hissed with narrowed eyes. She scoffed. "And you certainly cannot tell _me_ what to do." She looked into the house with disgust. "Come on," she said sharply pulling Quinn through the door. "I know that dyke 'mother' of yours isn't here so-"

"Judy," a voice interrupted them. Quinn turned as she felt her mother loosen her grip.

Quinn saw Helen standing at the top of the stairs. That woman would have looked graceful in any situation. Quinn suddenly caught herself thinking about the movie Titanic and how everyone looked so nice as the unsinkable boat went down. Helen Berry was like that: graceful and elegant even when everything around her was sinking.

"Helen," Judy said in a tone of voice that Quinn had never heard her mother utter. It was soft and raw. She never thought her mother's voice could be like that.

"What's going on?" the graceful woman asked. Before anyone could answer, she continued, "Based on the situation, Judy I don't believe you're supposed to be here." Quinn watched Helen search Judy's eyes. "I know you shouldn't be here." The elder woman took a step forward. "So I need you to let go of my granddaughter and walk to your car and leave."

Judy's face suddenly changed. Quinn looked at her mother. She felt her arm gripped tighter. She finally looked like the woman that Quinn remembered.

"Your granddaughter," she scoffed. "Like hell. She is not related to you in anyway. I know you must think she is a piece of trash but you can't just pick up trash and claim it as your own."

Helen stepped forward between the two blondes, releasing Quinn from her grip. "Quinn, go upstairs," she said quietly but sharply.

Quinn just stared at her. Her mother had gripped her arm more times than Quinn could remember, but never had the hand removed, and especially not in the gentle way that Helen did. She couldn't move. She felt like things were moving in slow motion and racing past her all at once. She didn't know what was happening. she didn't even know whose side she should take. She just felt stuck.

"Quinn, go up stairs," Helen repeated gently.

Quinn looked at her and started to leave. She felt a hand clap around her arm. "Stay where you are, Quinn." She looked at Helen with the distaste that Quinn was so familiar with. "I am here to take my daughter home. I need to teach a nice little lesson about lying." Quinn caught her look and looked down at her feet. She knew what that would entail. "And then Russell and I-"

"First of all, Quinn, upstairs. Now," Helen said as she removed Judy's hand from Quinn's arm again in the same gentle fashion. The older woman suddenly realized that whatever was holding Quinn at that door wasn't going to move based on Helen's gentle words. Judy had a stronger pull that was built on sixteen years of hatred and anger. Helen knew she couldn't build Quinn up if she didn't recognize the foundation of the girl's life. "Judy, come here," she hissed. Helen took Judy's arm and led them down the walkway.

"Let me go," Judy hissed. However, Helen knew that Judy wouldn't have followed her otherwise.

"Get out of here, Judy. I will call the police and -" Helen began.

"No, you won't," she hissed. "She is not your granddaughter! She's my daughter! You have no right!"

"Leave, Judy," she said carefully and in a small voice. "She's not going with you!." Her voice remained even and she tried to be as quiet as possible to protect Quinn's last ounce of innocence. She continued, "You and Russell are doing nothing and apparently haven't done anything of good for sixteen years. And still by some miracle," she said raising her hand at Quinn who still seemed to be in a silent state. "You managed to raise an incredible young woman."

"You don't know anything about me," she sneered. "Not anymore." She locked eyes with the woman. She swallowed trying to regain some strength. For anyone who knew, Judy Fabray, they might have been surprised about her look she flashed at her. They may have seen the girl from twenty-two years ago, the Judy Garner before she met Russell or became pregnant at senior prom. "She's not your granddaughter. Not ever. She's a slut! A lying slut."

"She's staying," Helen hissed, losing her control over the softness of her voice. "Get out of here. I will call the police."

Judy shook her head. "You won't."

Helen took out her phone from her pocket. She said with a shake of her head, "When you were younger Judy I had hope for you. I thought you were just too young. You just needed to grow up, but now I see that I made a horrendous mistake. You will leave my daughters house right now and never speak to any of my granddaughters again."

She laughed. "You don't know anything about me. Don't preach to me when you yourself have a daughter that married out of race and then he turned out to be a fag." She could see that she was getting to Helen. She sneered and went on. "If it were up to me all your grandchildren would be taken from you and all of them would be sent to reform school – although there is no hope for any of them especially that youngest one." She narrowed her eyes. She could see that Helen was resisting the urge to hit her. "What's her name? Rachel?"

Quinn seemed to snap out of her stupor. "Shut up!" she yelled stepping between Helen and her mother. She frowned at her. "Shut up! Don't talk about any of them that way!" she spat. "Especially Rachel and -"

A slap rung out through the street.

Quinn felt her head snap back. She stared at the ground. She knew better than to talk to her mother like that.

"Don't ever disrespect me like that again, Quinn! Ever!" she yelled. She shook her head. "I can see the time here has not been good for you at all. Not at all."

Helen pulled the girl behind her. "Leave. Now."

"I am not leaving without the slut in tow," Judy snapped.

Helen ignored her. "Quinn, let's go, sweetheart," she said putting her hand on her back. She frowned as the girl flinched. "Let's go inside."

"I .. I …I need to go with her," Quinn whispered.

Helen looked at Quinn and then over at Judy who was looking triumphantly at her.

Joey's Prius pulled into the driveway. She climbed out of the car with an angry hiss and a pharmacy bag in tow.

"I believe she asked you to leave," Joey said climbing out of the car. "Mom, take Quinn inside."

"I... I don't... I can't go," she whispered not following the older woman. She didn't look at her mother, but she kept her gaze trained low. The slap didn't hurt. The pain from the accident and the pulsing aches from her surgery made her think back to every doubt she ever had with the Corcorans. All reason was absent from her. She was the little girl who was being brought down to the study. She was still that girl that didn't even take the time to run away. She was stuck.

"Quinn, let's go," Judy said.

"Inside, now!" Joey scolded. "Mom, call the police." Helen took out her phone. She turned back to Judy. "Get off our property now."

"What do you think you can do, Jo?" Judy taunted. "We're not sixteen anymore."

Joey shook her head. "You're not even a person anymore. You're terrible and hateful." She looked at her and took a step forward. "You didn't just ruin your life, but you tried to ruin her life. For sixteen years. Now if you are anything like the person I used to know, if that person is still in there, even just a little bit, I need you to leave."

Judy looked at her. Her gaze didn't soften noticeably but Joey saw it. "We're not those girls anymore. We're grown up and she's my daughter."

"Well, act like a mother," Joey hissed quietly. "And do what is best for her. Walk away." She shook her head as she felt tears burning in her eyes. She took a step forward to a person she used to know, but didn't anymore. "Leave. I know we're not the people we used to be." She looked at her and held her gaze for a moment before looking over her shoulder at Quinn. The sirens were in the distance. She looked back at her. "I know that my former best friend used to know how to fight and used to have things to fight for." She shook her head and wrinkled her nose as the tears flowed freely.

"I was weak," Judy spat, but didn't move.

"The person I knew wouldn't have stood by and accepted that this was her life," Joey continued.

"You know nothing about me. Never did."

Joey watched as the police pull up and start toward the pair. She spotted Quinn starring on with her mother trying her best to shield the young girl from something that Joey was sure that she had experienced more times than they were aware.

She shook her head and looked back at Judy. "I may not know you now," Joey whispered as the officer approached them. "But I know that you have always been weak. That's clearer than day.." Judy frowned and swallowed, wavering slightly. Joey continued, "We all have weak moments but you..." Joey shook her head.

"Is there a problem here?" an officer asked as he now stood next to the two women.

Judy continued to hold her gaze. "Many, but I'm leaving now." She straightened and looked at Quinn and shook her head. "You're a useless disappointment, Quinn you always have been." She looked at the cops and put her hands up in surrender. "I'm leaving."

Judy started down the driveway toward her cadillac.

"Hold on, Mark," Joey said following Judy. "Judy, you're still weak. You always will be." She followed more closely. "Mothers calling their daughters 'useless disappointments' Congratulations, Judy. You're not just weak but you have become your mother." Judy didn't turn around. She continued to have her back facing her. All those unsaid secrets were being quietly exposed. Judy only confided in one person about her mother. That person was Joey. Joey continued. "Except somehow you became worse. Always one for competition, huh? Congratulations." She paused. "You won."

Judy exhaled deeply and walked away.

Quinn watched her leave.

"Quinn, let's get you inside and put a washcloth on your cheek. It must hurt," Helen said gently.

"I'm fine," the blonde whispered. "It doesn't hurt."

She wasn't lying. She couldn't feel her cheek even though it was red. She couldn't feel anything. She couldn't process anything. She couldn't think about how Joey stuck up for her or how Helen called her her granddaughter. She couldn't feel any of it.

…..

Shelby looked down at her watch. Quinn was just getting settled at home. The nurse walked in for their hourly checks on Rachel. Shelby watched Rachel frown and sink deeper into Santana, who was sitting next to her.

"Do you really have to do this again? You just checked her an hour ago," Santana scolded.

Shelby looked over at her eldest daughter with an arched brow. Her daughter's aggravation and anger had increased every hour but now she was practically scolding the poor nurse. Rachel looked up at Santana with big eyes and a worried frown. She knew that Santana would never hurt Rachel, but she could see something was brewing in Santana's heart and it was going to explode.

"Santana, it is their job. That was rude," Shelby said sharply. "They need to check Rachel's vitals every hour to make sure that things are normal." Shelby combed her hand through Rachel's hair gently, watching Rachel look up at her with a reassuring, but disconnected look. "Maybe if you both relax, it will go faster."

She gave Rachel a weak smile. She hated that the nurses kept putting her in children's gowns with patterns on them. Before it was dinosaurs now it was teddy bears. Rachel didn't seem to notice the change or the gown, but everytime Shelby looked at her small body and still bruised face, she saw flashes of Rachel when she was in the hospital in New York. She took a deep breath. She couldn't think about that.

"Mommy, I want to go home," Rachel whispered, interrupting her thoughts.

Shelby could see Rachel regressing and Santana's exhaustion wearing on her. She knew that they needed to get them home. She called Elyse; it was decided that she was going to stop by in the next couple days. Captain Marshall wanted to ask Rachel more questions. Shelby had been watching Rachel closely since all of this began. It was blatantly clear that she was terrified. Shelby was searching her mind over and over for what Rachel was scared of. It ached because Shelby knew something happened. There was physical evidence of that. However, Rachel was denying it all. Previous clients that Shelby had would have responded to being pushed or badgered, but not Rachel. She was regressing more. She needed to get them out of here and get them home. Rachel wouldn't talk unless she felt safe.

"I know, bug," she whispered. "Let me check with Dr. Pierce." She looked at her elder of her three daughters. "Please let the nurses do their work," she warned Santana. "Rach, you're okay. You're safe with Sanny."

She left the room as Rachel looked wearily up at the nurse as she took her blood pressure.

"Tom, Tom," she said catching up with him as he walked down the hallway. He looked over at her.

"What's up?" he asked pulling a chart from the nurse's counter.

"I need to get Rachel home," she said. "I need to get her home and Santana home." She took a deep breath and let her voice quiver. "I need her to feel safe. "

Tom looked at her carefully. "We need for her to sleep some more here."

"No, no, no, Tom," she said quietly. "You know, Rachel. You know, San. She's scared and she can't be here." Shelby teared up. "Please. I need her home."

Tom looked at her for a moment and then looked back at the nurse. "Can you give me Rachel Corcoran's chart?" He looked through it. "She is still very fragile and the only reason I will allow it is because of her history but I have to do the exam first and see if everything is ok then she can go." Shelby breathed a sigh of relief. "But I'm sending a nurse to the house everyday for a week for both girls. I need their vitals taken everyday." He took a deep breath. "Any sign of anything concerning, they're coming back."

She nodded. "Sure. No problem. Yeah," she said. She wiped her eyes. "Tell me about the exam. What kind of …." She trailed off as she looked at Tom. Her mouth dropped open in understanding. "Okay. Let me get Bear to bring San away and-"

Tom took a deep breath. "Well, um...," he began tapping on the chart in hesitation. "Brittany's here. If uh... Maybe she can take Santana down to the cafeteria." He gave a slight shrug. I

Shelby arched an eyebrow. "Really?" She nodded. "I'll let San know."

Tom gave a nod. "I'll get Britt."

…..

Noah looked around the waiting room. His uncle was talking with the doctors. He thought about the letter again. He couldn't go hunt Will. His uncle kept a close eyes on him. He heard the police officers talking about how they were still looking for him but there were others coming forward. However, they kept ceasing all conversations when they noticed that he was standing there. He looked up and spotted a pay phone. He dug his hand in his pocket. He had found some change in the waiting room couch cushions earlier.

He stood up and walked to the payphone.

"Operator?"

"Sing Sing prison please," Noah said quietly looking around him making sure that he wasn't being watched.

"One moment please."

He looked around anxiously until the voice came back.

"Please deposit $15.25," the operator said.

"Uh...," he struggled quietly. "I need to know..." He took a deep breath. "What are your visiting hours?"

"$15.25 please."

"Noah!"

He jumped and looked up. He threw the phone back onto the phones cradle.

"Yeah?" he asked looking up at his uncle.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing," he shrugged.

He frowned and searched his nephew's eyes. There's something in his eyes. He was searching for answers and trying to gain control.

"Noah," he began. "The girls need you."

"You don't think I know that?" he asked throwing his hands in the air. He took a deep breath. "I need something."

He looked at the young boy. "I have a few ideas."

Noah looked back at him.

"I should check with Rachel and San..." he said with a shrug.

"Noah."

He looked up and his mother was walking down the hallway. "Hey," he said. "I can help. What can I do?"

"How are you?" she asked quietly.

He shrugged. "How's Rach? Where's San?" He chuckled. "Did she beat up a nurse yet?"

Shelby shook her head. "Not funny, Noah," she said trying to conceal her chuckle. "Seriously. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Ma," he said shaking his head and putting his hands into his pockets.

She frowned and looked at her son. "Is this about the crumpled ball of paper?" she asked. "The one in Florida?"

He stared at her. Were there cameras? Did his mother plant cameras? She knew everything. How did she know this?

He shook his head. "No." He shook his head again. "No."

"Noah, you're going to have to talk to me."

"I don't want to talk to you," he said sharply. "About that..." he recovered. He gave his mother a small smile. "Because it was nothing." He looked at her. "Give me something to do. Please."

She searched her son's eyes for answers. Finally, she knew that he needed something. "Rachel's going home," she said finally. "I want the girls to be downstairs. Rachel and Quinn need to take it easy and obviously, San will want to be downstairs."

He nodded in understanding. "We can head home," he said. "And we can move the beds into the family room."

She nodded. "Sure," she said softly. "Your grandfather will be back to help you." She looked deep into her son's eyes. "Talk to me later okay?" He nodded.

"Yeah," he whispered walking toward the waiting room with a new task.

Bear looked at his sister-in-law. "We need to watch him."

Shelby nodded. "I know," she muttered. "We need to watch all of them."

…..

Santana watched her mother re-enter the room. There was a look on her face.

"San, can you come here for a second?"

She took a deep breath and gave Rachel a gentle nod. "Be right back," she muttered. The climbed out of the bed and went toward her mother who walked into the hallway.

"What?" Santana asked.

"I need you to go to the cafeteria," her mother said easily.

"Why?" she asked with a frown.

"Brittany's waiting for you," she said simply.

Her face faltered. "Why is she here?"

"To support you," Shelby said carefully.

Santana narrowed her eyes. "When are we going home? I'm needed here."

Shelby took a deep breath. "You are, but I also need you to go with Brittany. Rachel needs an exam and I need you not to be here."

"Why?" Santana spat loudly. "She needs me, Mom! She can't do that alone."

"She won't," she said quietly. "She has me."

"Mom, this is ridiculous," she practically screamed.

"Santana," she began still steadily. "You are angry at the nurses when Rachel gets her blood pressure checked." She searched Santana's eyes. "I need you to see that Rachel can't handle you screaming at them when she's going to have a hard time herself."

Santana shook her head. "That makes no sense to me."

"She's going to cry, San," Shelby said. "It's going to be hard-"

"I can handle it," Santana said.

"But you don't have to," Shelby said again. "San, I know you and -"

"Then you should know that I need to be in there, Mom," she hissed. "She needs me. She _needs _me just as much as she needs you." She was breathing heavily. "I don't want to see Brittany." She shook her head and looked back at the room. "You're right. She's going to cry and be scared but I need to be there." She shook her head. "Why don't you think I can handle this?"

"Because you don't have to," Shelby said with soft eyes.

Santana shook her head frantically. "She needs me. She'll need me there."

"She might, but she also jumps every time you yell at the nurse," Shelby said carefully.

She narrowed her eyes and looked at her mother. "You think I'll hurt her?"

"That's not what I said, Santana," Shelby began.

"That's what you're saying though," she scolded. She shook her head. "I would never do that. Not ever!"

"What I'm saying, San," Shelby said looking at her, trying her best to get her daughter to see and hear her. "Is that you freaking out and yelling at the doctor as Rachel is crying isn't going to make the exam go faster."

Santana bit her lip. "I …. I won't," she said quickly. "I'll just hold her and -"

Shelby pulled her eldest daughter to her. "I know you think that this is just happening to Rach and Quinn," she whispered. "But it's not. This is happening to you too. It's making you remember too. I need to do this. You need to step away for this."

"I want to be in there, Mom," she said shakily.

"No, sweetheart, you think you need to, but you don't need to," she said holding her tightly.

"She wants me there," Santana whispered.

"Maybe, but she wants to go home, San," Shelby whispered. "You both need to go home."

She sunk into her mother's embrace. "I need her to be okay, Mom," she said quietly.

"She will be, San," Shelby replied.

"Excuse me?" the two of them looked up and the intern that had been helping on Rachel's case was standing there waiting.

"Yes?" Santana asked not remembering her name, but not caring enough to feel remorse.

"Rachel's asking for you."

Santana looked at her mother, knowing that her mother was right, but hating that she was. She reentered the room. Rachel was sitting up in that stupid teddy bear gown. God, Santana hated that gown.

"I think maybe I might be hungry," she said quietly.

Santana knew that Rachel wasn't hungry. She simply didn't want to be in the room alone anymore. The elder girl looked over at her mother and took a deep breath.

"Rachel," Shelby said going to her daughter's side. "Dr. Pierce says you can go home."

Rachel smiled. Santana couldn't remember the last time she saw a smile.

"Really?" she asked with big eyes. The younger girl looked at Santana with eager eyes.

The older girl felt like she was hiding behind her mother as Shelby approached the bed. "Bugs," she said quietly. "They need to do an exam before you leave."

Santana watched Rachel's face fall.

"Oh," she whispered. She shook her head and Santana could see tears building in her eyes. "I told you nothing happened... I just... I … um... I fell..." She looked at Santana for help. "I …. I fell..."

"On what?" Santana asked sharply. "Nails?"

Her mother snapped her head and looked at her. Santana licked her lips as she realized that was outloud. "I … I'm sorry, Rach," she said softly.

Rachel looked up at her with a furrowed brow. She bit her lip. "Yeah," she muttered. "On nails." Her voice was so tiny.

Santana looked at her and pushed her tongue into her cheek trying to freeze the sorrow in her own face. God, she hated teddy bears.

"Rachel, I'm sorry," she said again.

Rachel gave a small nod and played with the arms of her stuffed monkey. "It was nails," she muttered to herself.

"Hi," a voice said from the door.

Santana never felt more relief than she felt in that moment.

"Hi," Brittany said again. "Do you um..." Satana could tell that she felt the tension in the room. "Do you wanna get something to eat?"

Rachel looked up at her with big eyes and a trembling breath.

"You're leaving?" she asked.

"Yeah, bugs," Santana said. "Mom's gonna stay with you."

Rachel bit her lip. "Okay," she muttered, wondering what she did wrong.

She took a deep breath and turned away from Rachel. Santana looked back once more at her tiny baby sister and then she left her.

Shelby watched her daughter leaving knowing that Santana was fighting her own battle and confronting her own failures.

"Santana," she called, but the girl didn't turn.

She needed to talk to her about that. She looked over at Rachel who was shaking as she stared at her aged stuffed monkey.

"Rach," she said softly. "Honey, are you okay?"

Rachel looked up at her with big tears rolling down her cheeks. "Are you mad at me?"

Shelby frowned. "Not at all."

Rachel bit her lip and wiped her tears. "I... I'm not lying... I just... I fell."

She frowned. Why was she lying? The answer was right in front of her. She took a deep breath. "Rach, look at me." The girl hesitated for a moment, but conceded. "There is nothing that you did wrong. You're brave. I'm not angry. Sanny's not angry. No one is mad at you."

"Not yet," she whispered.

Shelby took a deep breath. "There's nothing that you can do or say, Rachel, that'll make me or anyone in this family stop loving you."

"You don't know that," Rachel said turning away from her mother.

"Yeah, I do," Shelby said with a tiny chuckle. She climbed into the bed with her baby girl. "Come here, Rachel."

Her heart broke as Rachel hesitated. She was thankful as Rachel let her mother wrap her arms around her. She kissed her softly on her temple as she rocked her gently. "The number of reasons why I love you are endless." She intertwined her hands in Rachel's She could see the tiny cuts on them. "You're strong. You're brave." She kissed her softly trying to will away the stupid teddy bears and her daughter's doubt. "I've known you your whole life. You have yet to disappointment me. I have not lived one moment in your whole life that I didn't love you. Same goes for the others." Rachel looked up at her quietly, searching her eyes for signs of lies. "Do you hear what I'm saying?"

Rachel looked at her with trepidation. She nodded. Not yet, she thought again. Her mother didn't know how she ruined everything. Not yet.

…..

Brittany watched Santana carefully. She took a sip of her coffee. She bit her lip and finally asked.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Santana responded quickly. "Sorry," she said with regret. "It's just... complicated."

"Explain it to me," the blonde said carefully.

Santana shook her head. "No," she said shortly.

"Well, I know that you don't want to talk about you," she said. "But do you mind if I talk?"

Santana looked up and met her gaze.

Brittany continued. "I'm scared. I'm scared for you. For Quinn... I know that I don't know what happened." She hesitated and met Santana's dark eyes. "And I don't want to pressure you into telling me."

"I know," the brunette interrupted. "It just feels as if everything is falling apart, but I don't know how to need you."

"There's not a right way, Santana," she said, instinctively taking her hand across the table. Santana stared at it hesitantly.

"Yes, there is." She shook her head. "I'm not good for you."

"I know that you think you're too damaged to deserve anything good.-"

"And you think that we're good enough for each other because you get me," Santana said with a slight hiss, but retreated.

"Well, everyone has their damage, San," Brittany said quietly. "I know I don't know what happened to you," she said carefully. "But there are things that you don't know about me, too. The difference is that I'm trying here." She shook her head. "I'm not looking to fix you. I'm sorry that it made it seem like that. You used to relax around me. You used to just … I don't know. We used to fit." She shook her head. "How can we get that back?"

Santana swallowed. "I don't know."

Brittany looked at her. "I know that I should be there for you. And I am, but I'm going to say this. I need you too." She locked eyes with the girl. "I need you, too," she said more quietly. She shook her head and waved her hand. "We don't have to talk. I just... I'm just trying to get you back. We used to talk about stupid stuff. We used to trust each other. We used to make fun of people and make up stories about them. We used to be so much better. And Im sorry if that makes me selfish but I can't …. I can't just do this."

Santana had done so many things wrong that she had lost count. It did feel like the same conversation over and over again. And still Brittany was here, trying. She looked down at their still adjoined hands. She swallowed trying to figure out the right thing to say and do. She licked her lips and looked around the cafeteria. She was here. She could make another mistake or, she thought glancing back at Brittany, she could try. She spotted a man at the buffet line. She squeezed Brittany's hand.

"That man's name is Aaron. He's a fourth year. He doesn't think his specialty should be ortho." Brittany frowned at her, but Santana continued. "He doesn't think that because he doesn't know if he's strong enough to break bones." She saw Brittany's eyes soften. She gave her a small smile and continued. "He doesn't even want to be a surgeon. He wants to work on a farm, but he thinks it might be a waste."

"It's not a waste though," Brittany said interrupting. "Anything, but." She gave Santana a small smile. Brittany spotted another doctor. "That woman's name is Cleopatra, but she goes by Cleo-"

"Hey,Britt," Santana said tracing Brittany's hand with her thumb. "My dad's name was Leroy." Brittany straightened and looked at Santana, surprised at the abrupt end to their game. She watched as Santana continued to trace the back of her hand with her thumb. "He called me Taz," she whispered. Brittany rested her hand on top of Santana's wrist, trying to assure her that she didn't need to continue. "He had a stroke in the elevator...and I was with him." She looked at Brittany, patiently, waiting for a response. Brittany just looked at her, she wasn't shocked or sad. She just, Santana searched her eyes, she was just there. She was accepting her. They both knew that Santana hadn't ever mentioned her father before this. Not ever. "I miss him everyday," she said with a broken voice.

Brittany squeezed her arm. She reached across the table and wiped away Santana's tears that had escaped her typically hard eyes. She let her hand linger and cup the girl's face. She felt her heart melt as Santana leaned into it.

"Taz," Brittany whispered with a small smile. "I like that."

Santana nodded. "So," she said wiping away her own tear and taking Brittany's hand. "Cleo?"

Brittany nodded. "Yeah," she said with a quiet nod. "Yeah." She gave a little smile. "Cleo really hates that guy over there," Britany said pointing to a man coming into the cafeteria. Santana smiled as Brittany went on.

….

Michael lifted the mattress and the box spring.

"Okay, Noah, are you going to help me here?" he asked curiously.

He frowned looking through the attached bathroom door. "She's sleeping?" he asked.

"Yes, that's what Joey said," he said tilting Santana's bed frame.

"She's not sleeping," Noah said. "She … " he looked at the door. "I know she's not sleeping."

Michael straightened and looked at his grandson. "Okay, what's up, bud?"

"She's hiding," he said simply.

He nodded. "Well, she's having a hard day," he said.

"It's not just a hard day," Noah said still looking at the door. "Her mother hit her." Michael looked at him in surprise. The young guy looked at him with a small smile. "You guys aren't good at keeping your voices down when you talk about things in the backyard." He looked back at the door. "Quinn's going over and over what her mother said and how she's right." He looked at his grandfather. "When she..." He took a deep breath. "We had chemistry once...I was... held back in that class... and well, she's obnoxiously smart so she was in that class."

Michael frowned and allowed him to go on. "You aren't dumb, Noah. Chemistry's not for everyone."

"Once, she came in and she was … I don't know... being weird," he frowned, still staring at the door. "She was quiet and stuff. This was her freshman year. Freshman and in chemistry. She's wicked smart." He shrugged. "She was done with the lab and she just let me, Mike, and Finn copy it. She did it ahead of time for fun..." He shook his head. "For fun..." He looked at his grandfather. "She spent the whole period reorganizing all of the lab equipment. She's not sleeping, Pop-Pop. She's in there trying to organize something." He looked back at the door. "She's in there hiding."

Michael gave a nod. "Okay," he said carefully. "What do you want to do?"

Noah looked at his grandfather carefully. "I... I don't know..." He frowned deeper. "She likes pancakes and bacon. She won't admit it, but she does."

Michael chuckled. "We can make pancakes."

Noah nodded and grabbed one end of the box spring. "Kay," he said.

….

Rachel looked over at her mother with a trembling breath. Shelby gave her a weak smile. "We're gonna go home after this, bug, okay?" Shelby watched her nod nervously. God, Shelby thought, she really hated those damn gowns. She shook her head, attempting to keep her brave face on. And teddy bears. She hated teddy bears too.

"Rachel," an intern began. "We're going to give you something to relax your nerves okay?"

She nodded and watched as the intern put it in her IV. She looked at her mother. "I changed my mind," she whispered.

Shelby licked her lips and gave a small smile. She leaned down closely and kissed Rachel on her forehead. "I know you don't want to do this, bug," she began as she moved her hair out of her face. "You are so brave and I know you're tired. I just need you to be brave for a little while longer." She combed her hand through her hair. "And then we can go home. Okay?"

Rachel gave a tiny nod. "You wanna hold George?" the intern asked. Shelby couldn't remember her name, but she knew that the young doctor knew the family well enough that she knew about George. Shelby kicked herself. normally she was better with names.

"Thank you," she said quietly as the intern handed Rachel the monkey.

The door opened. "Hi, Rachel. My name is Dr. Parish and I'm going to-"

"Excuse me, where is Dr. Pierce?" Shelby said quickly.

"He's the head of pediatric surgery he doesn't need to do -"

The intern cleared her throat at the pompous doctor. He began again. "He was called in for surgery that will take about eight hours. He explained to me that you wanted to get out of here as fast as you could. So I said I could do this exam."

Shelby nodded and looked at Rachel. "I'm going to talk to Dr. Parish, okay?"

Rachel bit her lip and nodded. Shelby watched as the intern went to Rachel and talked to her quietly, trying to relax her.

Shelby pulled Dr. Parish aside. "I know that this is just another exam for you but this isn't that for my kid. Got it?" she hissed. She turned back to Rachel and gave her nervous baby girl a smile. She turned back to the doctor. "Everything else on your mind needs to be put aside. She's scared and will probably cry though this. I need you to be focused."

"Ma'am, I'm well-aware of your case. My apologies before," he said gently. "I will be as quick and gentle as I can. I will also show you how to apply a cream that Dr. Pierce recommended." He paused. "It'll help with the healing." Shelby nodded. "I'll take care of her. We'll get you guys out of here."

Shelby returned to Rachel's side. Rachel reached out and took her mother's hand.

"Can you scoot to the end of the table, Rachel?" he asked.

Shelby helped Rachel move to the end of the table and put her legs in the stirups. She sat behind with her own legs hanging off the side of the exam table. "You're doing great, Rach," she whispered as she planted her a kiss on her temple.

"Alright, Rachel, I'm going to put this in okay?"

Shelby could feel her youngest child shaking in her arms. She hushed sweet nothings into her ear. "You're okay, bug. You're okay. I'm right here." She felt the tiny body in her arms tense and a small cry echo through the room. It was in.

"Good girl, Rachel. Good girl," Dr. Parish cooed.

Shelby felt Rachel's body stiffen even more. She looked down and could see that Rachel was crying. Tears slid down her cheeks.

"Don't worry, Rachel. You're doing great," the doctor said gently.

Shelby could see Dr. Parish moving. Normally, Rachel would be sobbing. Her gaze snapped back to Rachel. She wasn't moving. Her tears were big. She was silent. Rachel had never been like this before. She was almost catatonic.

"Rachel, I'm going to open it a little bit more." Dr. Parish moved. Tiny clicks echoed in the room as the tool was widened.

Rachel let out a tiny sob but remained still with big tears running down her face.

"Good girl," he said again.

Shelby watched as Rachel's face contorted with even more fear, but she remained still.

Then it hit her. She wasn't pushing him away or crying or clinging to Shelby because she was in pain and fear of the exam. She wasn't in that room. It was his words. It was what he said. What had he said? She repeated the last few minutes. 'Good girl' was what the doctor said. She felt her stomach drop. Rachel wasn't in the room because she was with him. She searched her daughter's eyes, they were frozen in fear. She was laying on the table frozen, her raw body exposed to the world. It was as if that wasn't enough, but she also needed to be triggered back to the place she didn't feel her mother's presence. He must have said that to her; she was with him.

"Rachel," she said gently. "Rachel, look at Mommy." She didn't, but instead squeezed her eyes shut. "Rachel, Mommy's right here." Shelby looked at the intern and Dr. Parish. "You triggered something. You need to finish up."

Dr. Parish nodded.

"Rachel," Shelby whispered. She maneuvered herself so she could cup Rachel's frowning face. "Baby, open your eyes. You're safe. You're with Mommy. You're safe. Open your eyes, Rachel."

She could hear the beeping in the background increase. She needed to calm her down.

Rachel shook her head. "Pleasepleaseplease I'm sorry. I'll be good," she whispered with her eyes closed. "Iwantmymom."

Shelby felt like her heart was on the floor. She suddenly imagined how that bastard lay on top of her baby bug, pinning her down as her youngest child begged for her, her mother. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Rachel," she whispered. "I'm right here. Mommy is right here." She looked at Dr. Parish who said something about being almost finished. "Rachie, come on, open your eyes. I'm right here. You're safe. You're here with me, with Mommy."

Shelby watched with relief as her brow softened. She was finally getting to her. Rachel opened her big brown eyes that were now filled with tears.

"I tried to be good," she whispered.

"I know, Rach," Shelby sobbed still cupping her face. She watched with heartache as Rachel let out a sob and Dr. Parish pulled out the tube of cream from his pocket..

"You did go-" Shelby shot the man a glare before he could finish. He nodded and went on. "I'm going to put on some cream Rachel to help you..."

Rachel looked up at Shelby again in panic. "It'll be uncomfortable, Rachel, but I'm right here. Okay? Right here."

She knew that Rachel didn't need to feel someone touching her private area, not again. She was scared. She needed to rebuild that safe place for her daughter... for all of her children. It was never so obvious than in that moment how that was robbed from her.

"Mommy's right here," she whispered. "Right here."

….

Shelby turned onto her street. She gripped the steering wheel a little harder. She received the call from Joey when Rachel was wheeled back into her room. She discharged Rachel and it was exhausting. It was all exhausting. Then the call from Joey made her stomach drop even more. Judy was at her house. Then she slapped Quinn across her face on her front lawn and called her a useless disappointment. She needed to keep herself together. She glanced in the rear view mirror at the backseat and saw Rachel asleep against Santana.

She pulled into the driveway. Noah and Michael were moving the beds into the family room. Santana helped maneuver Rachel into Shelby's arms. Shelby shifted the sleeping girl, careful around Rachel's incision sites. She gave the men a small smile. She looked at her boy.

"Thanks, Noah," she whispered. She lay Rachel down gently on the bed. Santana crawled in next to her. She had been silent since she came back from her time with Brittany. Shelby gave a mental note to check on that.

She looked around. "Where's Quinn?" she said as the girls settled.

Joey looked at her mother. "Upstairs," she said simply.

Shelby looked at Rachel, who was stirring slightly.

"I got her," Santana said quietly.

Joey looked at Shelby. "I got them."

Santana watched Shelby climb the stairs. She looked over at her aunt.

"What happened?" she asked.

Joey opened her mouth to speak, but Rachel gave a little stretch. She was no longer in the gown, but in a Noah's jersey and Santana's sweatpants. Joey had insisted on changing her when they got home. Rachel reached out and stretched her arms.

"Can we go home now?" she asked quietly.

"We are home, sleepyhead," Santana said

"Oh," Rachel said, opening her eyes. The drugs were wearing on her. She felt her eyes get heavy again.

The doorbell rang jolting her awake. "Who can that be? " Helen asked the room.

Rachel's eyes flickered open as she looked toward the foyer. She felt Santana's arms around her, protecting her. She wondered if Santana could feel her heartbeat increasing as Rachel saw Jackie enter the foyer. She was talking quietly to her grandmother as Helen pointed up the stair. Rachel leaned back against Santana. It was happening, she thought to herself. Everything was officially starting to fall apart.

…...

Shelby climbed the stairs and opened the door gently. Quinn was pacing and opening and closing the drawers.

"I thought you were sleeping," she said gently as she entered the room.

"I'm not," she said with a toss of her head moving past her. "Leave me alone."

"What are you doing?" Shelby asked carefully.

"Nothing." She still avoided her eyes. "Isn't it obvious?" She shook her head in disbelief. "I'm leaving. I'm getting out of your way."

"Quinn," Shelby said stepping into her line of fire. "You're not going away, you need to lay down. You just had major surgery and you need to get in bed."

"I don't want to get in bed!" she hissed.

"Quinn," Shelby said again. "Let's sit down."

"I don't want to do that either!" She snapped her head. "I already said my goodbyes. I just want to leave." She escaped the mother's arms. "Just leave me be."

"Quinn, you're not leaving."

They looked toward the door. Jackie stood there with her arms across her chest.

"Well you're here," Quinn said plainly.

"I'm here to talk with you," she said carefully. "Not take you anywhere."

The blonde frowned. She refused to believe this. She wasn't just going to say goodbye and then have to take it back. She didn't do that.

"I heard your mother stopped by." The sixteen year old froze. "Quinn we need to talk," Jackie said. "Especially about the reason your mother stopped by and," she sighed, "the fact that she did."

Quinn remained standing. "Quinn, your mother shouldn't have confronted you like she did. I have a feeling she was upset about what we talked about."

The blonde looked at her questioningly. "What?"

"Quinn, please sit down," Shelby urged.

The blonde shook her head. "Tell me what you talked about," she said dryly.

"We explained that we're changing her case plan," Jackie said carefully. "Your case plan"

"To what?" Quinn snapped.

"Severance," Jackie said carefully.

Quinn looked at her in silence. Severance. To sever. Quinn searched her vocab. To break apart. The action of ending a relationship. Her mother was going to lose her. She would never go back. If she were a good person...if she were 'normal' and 'well adjusted.' she should feel happy, right? She was going to be free of her... that's what they were trying to tell her.

However, Quinn didn't feel happy at all.

She let her body sink back into the bed, ignoring the shot of pain that surged through her body. She didn't feel better. She didn't feel saved or comforted by the fact that her mother might never slap her again. She put her hand to her cheek.

She felt alone.

Her life had never been perfect or even remotely ideal, but it had been hers. However, now here it was. The community, the state was involved in her life telling her, affirming and sealing their stamp of disapproval that her life had been wrong. To have it whispered in her head was one thing, to have it affirmed and recognized as such by strangers was another. Her entire life, her sixteen years had been recognized as a disaster.

She looked up angrily at the woman. Her frown was knitting her brows together. "Where were you?"

"What?" Jackie asked.

Quinn shook her head as angry tears rolled down her cheeks. "You can't do this. You can't come in when I only had to survive two more years. Two more years and I was an adult. I was out." She stood up and ran to the woman holding her arms out to push her but Shelby held her back. "I didn't need you save me! I don't need any of you! I just needed air that night. That's all I needed. I'm not yours to save! I just needed two more years. I needed to survive for two more years and I was out..." She shook her head and stopped trying to escape Shelby's arms. "Where were you when I was seven and my father had to buy a stronger belt because he broke it on Frannie's back because of something I did? Where were you when I couldn't hold my legs up while doing the dishes because he used his hand to take me from behind to teach me a lesson? Where were you when I was barely fifteen years old and he took my virginity? Where were you when my mother found out?" She shook her head furiously. "Were you there when I was pregnant?" She breathed deeply and felt like her chest was crumbling. "Were you there when I lost the baby"? She let out a sob. She couldn't feel the pain in her body. All she felt was the emptiness. "You can't save me after sixteen years! You should have left me there! You ruined it! You ruined it!" She looked back at Shelby in panic. "I take it back. I take back that night. Nothing happened." She looked at Shelby. She pushed her away. "I don't need you! I don't need anyone!" Quinn fell out of Shelby's arms as Shelby tried desperately to catch her.

"Leave me alone!" She looked at Shelby furiously. "I don't need you to care about me! I don't need you to love me! I need you to leave me the fuck alone!"

"Quinn," Shelby began dropping down next to her.

"Don't tell me that I have the rest of my life. Don't tell me that I'm _only _sixteen, because you can't tell that to a person... you CAN'T." She looked at Shelby. "Let me go." She shook her head. "I can't... I can't do this with you. All of this... I just can't."

Shelby leaned forward. "I wasn't there for the past sixteen years and I know that." She cupped Quinn's face. "I know you think I'm giving up on you, but there is no way I'm ever going to think of you as any less than my child."

Quinn sunk into her chest. She realized that everything that her life had been built around was fractured. She knew it was unstable but she didn't realize how weak it was. She couldn't. She felt so safe in Shelby's arms and she hated it. She tried to push away as she banged her fists weakly against her chest. "I don't need you. I don't." She looked at her fiercely. "I don't. I don't." She shook her head. "Leave me alone!"

"Not a chance, Quinn," Shelby whispered. "You think that your time is up at eighteen." She searched her eyes for confirmation. "It's not. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. For nineteen, for twenty five, for forty, I am here to stay."

"Please," Quinn sobbed trying to push her away weakly.

"I love you so much, Quinn," she said clearly. "Anything and everything you are will always be enough for me." Shelby pulled her closer. "I need you, Rachel needs you, Santana needs you, Noah needs you Quinn, you may not need us but we need you."

Quinn took a deep breath. She couldn't give into this. She couldn't. However, she had no fight left in her. Therefore, she gave into that last piece that she had been trying to protect, that last piece of self that she thought she could keep sacred. It was small but it was there. She leaned into Shelby giving it to her. Her dignity.

….

Santana opened her eyes. The sun had gone down. The last thing she had remembered was trying to cover Rachel's tired ears and distract her from Quinn yelling upstairs. She understood why the girl was so upset but it was hard for her to listen to what Quinn lived with for sixteen years, she didn't want Rachel to hear it.

She blinked and looked around. The television was on ESPN and there were Cheeto crumbs in the lounge chair next to her. She rolled her eyes. Her brother must have been sitting there. She reached out. The bed was empty.

"Rachel?" she asked.

She shot up.

"Rachel?"

"Noah?" she called out.

Noah ran into the room with a sandwich in his hand. "What? What?" he asked frantically.

"Where is she? Where the hell is she? Where's Mom?" She ran toward the stairs. She didn't ever wait for a response. "Mom! Mom!"

She was gone. He took her again. He took her from her arms while she was sleeping. Her heart was beating on the floor. She had lost her again. She ruined it.

She ran up the stairs two at a time and froze.

Rachel was standing outside her mother's room. Her bruised and scratched hand was resting on the outdoor knob staring ahead into the room.

"Rachel?" she asked

The small girl continued to look ahead. Santana followed her gaze. Her mother was curled around Quinn in Shelby's bed. They were both sound asleep.

"Rachel," she said gently again. She reached out and brushed a strand of her messy hair behind her ear. "Bugs?" she whispered.

Rachel looked at Santana. That's when she noticed the big tears that had formed in her eyes. She shook her head softly. "I'm sorry."

Santana frowned as she knelt down in front of Rachel. "For what?"

She felt her sister wrap her arms around her neck. "I didn't mean to..." she muttered into Santana's neck.

"Rachel," she whispered. "Bugs," she hugged her back.

"I …I didn't mean to," she began.

"To what, Rach?" Noah asked kneeling down next to his sisters.

Rachel looked at her brother as she leaned away from Santana, but kept her hands around her neck. She released a shaky breath and shook her head. She didn't mean for her mother to have to say goodbye to Quinn so quickly. She was glad that Jackie had given then one last night together. That's what happened. Right? She turned back to Santana.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Santana was unaware of the whispers of failures in Rachel's mind because her own were screaming too loudly.

"What for?' Santana pleaded. "Please. What for?"

"What's going on?" Michael asked coming to the top of the stairs and closing Shelby's door. "Baby bug, you should be in bed." He scooped her up gently into his arms. "Let's get you back to bed, sweetie."

"Pop-pop," Noah said causing him to stop.

Michael looked at his grandson and gave him a knowing nod. "Head down to the kitchen and we'll talk."

Santana watched her brother and grandfather descend down the stairs. The answer was right there. The answer to getting Rachel talk was there. She stood up from the ground, not realizing that she was still kneeling and headed downstairs.

"Hey," she said wondering into the kitchen.

"Hey," Noah muttered. He watched Santana sit defeated at the counter. "Heads up," he called. He threw her an Odwalla drink. "How is she?" he asked after she gave a nod of thanks.

He looked up with Santana didn't reply. She had her gaze down and she was rolling the drink in her hands.

"San?" he asked.

She licked her top lip. "This isn't how this was supposed to happen, Noah," she whispered staring at the drink. She looked at her brother. "This isn't how it's supposed to be like. This is your senior year. I'm on the Cheerios." She finished with a whisper. "This is not how we're supposed to finish high school." She shook her head. "This is not how we're supposed to finish our childhood."

Noah looked at her gently. "Sanny," he said quietly sitting next to her. "We'll fix this. They'll be okay. We'll be okay."

She shook her head. "You didn't see her when she came back from the exam," she whispered.

"I know," he muttered, caught in his own past.

She shook her head and frowned again. "I didn't mean it like that," she said quietly. She stared down at her hands. "This isn't how it's supposed to happen," she repeated.

"Maybe not," he said finally. "But it's how it's happening."

She looked at him and shook her head with a weak smile. "Always a way with words."

He shifted in his seat. "We all know something," he said quietly with a thoughtful frown.

She looked at him confused. "Well, of course we do," she said annoyed. "I just...I don't know how to help her. I don't know how to get her to trust me."

"San, you lay with her. She trusts you," he said gently. "She's just scared."

"She can tell me anything," Santana whispered. "But she's not."

"I heard Uncle Bear talking," he said with a frown. "They think he told her something." Santana looked at him carefully. "Something that scared her."

"Well that narrows it down," Santana spat. "Rachel is scared of everything. Remember when Mom went on that weird juice fast when Rachel was seven? Every time Mom used that juice machine Rachel screamed and sobbed and ran around the house?"

"How could I, not?" Noah asked. "You and I would just turn on the juicer for entertainment... Then we both had to write an essay called 'Juicers Are Not Scare Machines.'" He chuckled. "What would scare her into not telling on us?" He frowned at his own question.

"She didn't tell us about dodgeball," Santana thought out loud. "She was scared of hurting us."

The doorbell rang causing both of them to jump. Santana stood up to get it and Noah followed her. As they passed the living room, they made eye contact with Michael who was standing from the side of the bed where Rachel was still laying. Santana watched her stoic grandfather look at his watch. Santana frowned. What time was it? Why was someone at their door? She shrugged maybe it was the pizza man.

She opened the door.

She frowned. It was the flower man. It was dark out. There were flower deliveries this late in the evening?

"Uh..." Santana started. "Can I help you?" she finally asked.

"Flowers for a Miss Rachel Corcoran."

Santana looked at her brother and grandfather with a deep set frown. She looked over her shoulder and saw Rachel watching them with big eyes.

"Who sent them?" Michael asked taking a step forward, purposefully blocking Rachel's view.

The young man filed through his papers as he tried to balance the vase with the bouquet in the other hand. "Doesn't say," he mumbled after a few turns.

"It must," Santana said reaching for the card. "Someone wrote a message."

Michael reached out to protest, but Santana was opening the card already from its little envelope. He stared down at the words. He took a deep breath. "Noah," Michael said carefully. "Go get your uncle please. He's in the study."

Noah nodded and and left.

Santana stared at the small card. She saw what was written and her blood reached boiling point. This was beyond manipulation. The flower delivery boy looked as Santana fearfully as she slowly looked at him. She grabbed his collar, forcing him to drop the flowers.

"Who the fuck sent this, you crazy freako?" she screamed.

"I don't, I don't know," he stammered.

"Santana! Santana!" She could hear her aunt and uncle rushing into the room. She could feel her grandfather trying to hold her back. She couldn't focus on any of that though. All she could was focus.

"**Feel better, my good girl." **

That was all it said. Those five words were causing Santana to fly off the edge. She felt arms pry her from the boy. She didn't need him to tell her. Her eyes darted as she talked. No, she realized. She didn't need him at all. She turned on her toes and walk-ran into the living room where Rachel was sitting up watching.

"Who the hell sent you this," she snapped, holding the card up.

The eleven year old looked at her with big eyes and a deep set frown. She read the card carefully.

"I-I-I-don't know," she muttered.

"You need to talk, Rachel! Now!" Santana said leaning back combing her hand through her hair. "Tell the truth!" She shook her head, not feeling her stinging eyes. "How can you not see that we love you? How can you not see that we need you to tell us what happened?" Rachel looked up at her with a look she couldn't read.

"Santana, stop," she heard her aunt behind her.

"No!" Santana hissed. "Rachel, you have to tell us what happened! We can't help you if-"

"I can't," Rachel said tearfully. She shook her head. "Please."

"No! No! No, Rachel!" she yelled.

"Santana, that's enough," Shelby said entering the room and stepping next to Santana.

"Rachel, he's hurting you and you won't listen to us," the older girl went on despite her mother's protests. She could feel arms around her torso trying to pull her out of the room. "You're making things worse, Rachel by not talking! You need to talk! You need to tell us what happened!"

Santana watched her sister carefully, but suddenly stopped struggling in her mother's arms. The room seemed to go still Rachel looked up at her slowly with an angry, wounded and tearful look.

"What?... Like you've always done?" she hissed as the tears began to drop to the floor.

The elder brunette deflated. She shook her head slightly and ripped herself from her mother's arms. She didn't hear her mother calling her. She just needed to get out of there. It was too much.

Shelby looked after Santana. Joey starts to go after her. "Let her be for a moment," she said.

The mother picked up the card from the ground and read it over. She felt her stomach plummet.

"**Feel better, my good girl." **

She had been right about what Dr. Parish had said. She looked up slowly at her uncle. "You need to catch him, now!" she scolded.

"Shelby, stop," Helen said gently. "Not here."

Shelby followed her mother's gaze and Rachel was curled up in the fetal position crying softly. She walked over to her and reached out. "Honey, you're okay. I'm not mad," she whispered

Rachel shook her head furiously. "Leavemealone," she sobbed.

"Rachel," Shelby said slightly taken aback.

"Leave me alone," she said in a stronger voice.

"Okay," she whispered. "I love you."

Rachel curled up in the bed. Shelby watched as Noah tried to comfort her as he lay down next to her. Rachel pulled tired body away, but didn't say anything.

"Noah, we'll be right back."

He nodded understanding his responsibility.

Shelby closed the study door as soon as everyone was in there.

"Call Elyse now and get her over here for tomorrow," Joey spat as soon as the door was closed. "I don't care that it's almost eight." She shook her head. "I heard Quinn before and now this."

"I know. I know," she whispered.

"Gus and the teams are on their way," Bear said entering the room. "Your mother is sitting with the flower boy. We're going to question him."

Shelby nodded. The family watched her carefully. "He's sending her notes at my house... At her house..." She shook her head. "How would she not be scared?"

…..

Noah looked at the back of Rachel's head. She was shaking. She was scared. He looked over his shoulder and could see her grandmother and the flower delivery body sitting in the kitchen. He didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know how to make her feel better. Nevertheless, he began talking.

"You were asleep before," he began. "But Jackie left. Quinn's still upstairs."

He saw Rachel's body stiffen. He continued.

"I'm going to move the bed down for her with Bear soon," he shrugged. Rachel turned and looked at him with tearful eyes.

"What?" she asked.

He nodded casually wiping her tears with his thumb. "Yeah, you guys have the life down here. TV, kitchen right over there." He gave her a small smile. "Things will get better, Rach." He sighed seeing her turn away. "We might help Quinn paint her room soon," he said going back to casual. He watched as Rachel turned again and looked at him. "Want to help paint?"

Rachel frowned. "She's staying?"

"Of course," he said. "Why would she-" He frowned. "Is that why you haven't said anything? You think Quinn would be taken away?" He searched her eyes. "You think all of us would," he answered for her. He shook his head. "Rachel, that won't happen."

She turned away from her.

"You don't know that," she muttered. She wiped her tears and looked back at him. "Can I go see Santana?"

...

Santana lay quietly in her bed staring at the wall. She felt terrible about everything. She had checked on Quinn on her way to her own room. Her sister was still asleep. She only knew this because her brow was relaxed and the Quinn she knew didn't relax.

A small knock interrupted her thoughts. She turned and looked at the door as it opened slightly and Rachel was standing there with her hand resting on the doorknob.

"I'm sorry," she whispered tearfully.

"Me too," Santana replied sitting up. "Come here."

Rachel came into the room quietly. She walked gingerly and it took every fiber in Santana's body not to pick Rachel up and bring her to bed. However, she knew the girl had to walk alone. Nevertheless, when Rachel was in arm's reach, Santana helped her onto her large bed. The older girl took her hands carefully and said, "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," she whispered.

Santana gave a small chuckle. "Bug, I'm just worried about you. You're right I didn't tell you the truth." She chewed her lip and traced her hand on the back of Rachel's. "And it hurt me so much to lie to you...I thought about it a lot."

"I … I want to tell you..." Rachel whispered. She watched her sister trace her hand. "But I can't."

Santana frowned and looked up in thought. She noticed her mother and uncle standing outside the door that Rachel left open.

"Why not?" Santana asked.

Rachel frowned. Santana could see her chin quivering. "I'll ruin everything if I do."

"Rach," Santana said with a slight coo in her voice. "You won't ruin anything."

"We'll be split up," she whispered. "It'll be my fault."

Santana's head shot up and made eye contact with her mother and uncle. Her uncle was shaking his head. They were all thinking the same thing. Why hadn't they thought of that?

"Rachel, that won't happen. Who told you that?"

"Mr. Schuester," Rachel whispered. "At the football game... He told me nothing bad could happen or else we would be sent away."

"The football game?"

Rachel nodded. "Yeah," she whispered. She wiped her tears and continued quietly, in a simple, matter-of-fact tone. "I had Charlie with me. I needed to wash my hands... And he took me inside to a special bathroom that allowed dogs and he looked at my back and said that was why Mom got so mad."

Santana frowned and looked at her mother. Rachel looked up and saw her mother and uncle. Her tear filled eyes finally overflowed. "I'm sorry."

"You're not in trouble, Rach," Shelby said sitting next to her. I'm proud of you for talking to Santana." She sighed and looked at her brother-in-law. "But you should have told me about this. What he told you isn't true." Rachel frowned and looked at her. She looked down at her hands and leaned into her mother unsure of what to think. "Rachel, you said that he touched your back," Shelby began carefully. "Can you tell me about that?"

Rachel breathed a small sigh of relief. She was sure that her mother was going to ask her about something else. "Yeah," she muttered. She gave a small shrug as she frowned at the memory. "He lifted up my shirt and my undershirt and he looked at my back." She looked up at her mother. "Remember? I had bruises because of the dodge ball thing."

"What?" Santana asked sharply. "He put his hand up your shirt?"

Rachel frowned and looked up at her older sister. "Yeah," she said quietly, clearly confused. "He was just checking..." She paused and watched her family wear the same deep frown. "... To see if... Mom was over reacting..." She frowned as she slowed down. Everyone was quiet. She wasn't sure if they were angry … or … mad. Was that the same thing?

No one said anything for a moment. Finally, Shelby broke the silence.

"Rach, he shouldn't have done any of that. He should not have brought you inside without my permission and he shouldn't have touched you, especially on your bareback." She searched her youngest daughter's eyes. "Do you understand that you shouldn't have gone with him and that you should have told me that he did that?"

Rachel looked at her mother and sister but didn't answer.

Shelby took a deep breath. "Rachel, did he ever touch you any other way?"

There it was. There was the question she had been dreading, little did she know everyone else had been dreading it.

"No," she whispered. She shook her head frantically. "No."

"Come here, sweetie," Shelby said. She took her small hands. "You're not going to be taken away. No one is leaving this family." She searched Rachel's eyes. "We can even have Jackie come and talk to you. It's not going to happen, bug. You're safe with us."

Shelby took a deep breath. "Why don't you tell me about the dress?" she asked trying now not to tremble. "You're not in trouble and I love you. I won't let anyone take you or Noah, or Quinn or San. I promise you that."

Rachel was searching her eyes. She was getting to her. "Okay," the girl whispered. "But... But..." she looked over at her uncle. "Just you and Sanny."

Shelby nodded and Bear left the room keeping it the door slightly ajar.

"Rachel, what happened?"

Rachel leaned into her mother's chest and tilted her head to the side so that she could see Santana.

"He told me I needed to be good..." Rachel began with a whisper. She frowned as the memories began to rush into her head. Her voice was absent as tears formed in her eyes and she went on.. "He sat on top of me...He made me do things... and after he put that white sticky stuff all over me."

"Oh my god," Santana said with a gag as she ran to the bathroom.

Rachel watched her leave and began to cry. "I tried, Mommy. I tried to be good."

**Again, I'm sorry this chapter is so short. I'll try to get back to the regular length next time. **


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Dave Green – Shue is going to get caught and I think she is surrounded by enough people that he wont get near her. The 3 girls will help each other a great deal if they open themselves up to each other more and allow each other to heal. Thanks for reviewing.

Sweets – Not sure what is in store for Judy and Quinn but I am sure they will see each other. Thanks for the review.

QF- Both are in therapy and are going to be taught not to hold in everything. They both have had more stress than any teenager or adult should have to deal with. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

Durant'sCry- Thank you for reading my story. I am also a huge fan of Brittanna but I want to take it more natural. They are high school kids where one has suffered a lot of trauma so it will continue I promise. Rachel and San are the best sisters ever – thanks for the review.

Abbie- Sometimes I do have famous people in mind but other times I don't I just picture a character on another show. I don't really like to say when I don't have a strong opinion on any because I want people to picture someone they like. I think it would be bad if I said someone famous and one of my readers didn't care for that person – it kind of ruins the character for reader – does that make sense? Rachel is starting to talk more and Santana will get the support she needs to handle it – thanks for reviewing.

Kitty- stop reading this in class! That could be dangerous. Thanks for reading and reviewing though I do appreciate. The pace of Brittany and San is going to stay about the same. I don't want it to go any faster because I think that would be unnatural. Yes Quinn is staying but I don't think it will be all happy times – she still has a lot to work through.

Iuterpi – Thanks so much for your review. I am glad that you loved some of my favorite parts!

You are right about Quinn and her feelings after being told so many times that she was unworthy its hard to get it out of your head.

amandaes417 – Wow you favorite chapter of the whole story. Nice. Yeah Judy isn't going to win any mother of the year trophies. Can she grow up and turn it around? Let's see. Thank you so much for your review.

Anna – I am not familiar with the song but it definitely describes their relationship. I am happy that my updates get you through the week. Thank you for the review.

13 – Well I am sorry I made you cry but I guess if it's a good thing then I am glad I made you cry. Thank you for reviewing.

Fangirl44 – I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break your heart. Thanks for the review.

Drea LuRuiz – As much as I wanted Helen or Joey to slap Judy it would not have been right in front of Quinn. Violence doesn't solve anything and that is what Judy probably wanted. It would have justified in her mind all the times she did it to Quinn. But trust me I would not have been so calm. Shelby is super strong but she has her support too. Thanks for your review.

Cookie07 –I never hate your reviews and Santana is one of my favorites too. Quinn's outburst was a long time coming. The girl has a lot of pent up feelings. Santana will have outbursts as well but hers are for obviously different reasons.

Broadway bound 2016 – Thank you so much!

Haleywilliamsisasexymonter – Thank you so much. I am glad you enjoyed the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Scout – Judy is truly horrible! I am not sure that she can ever turn herself around to get Quinn back, the damage is done but we will see. Quinn does have a lot on her shoulders that she needs to release and be able to be a typical teenager. But with a strict but loving mom in Shelby. Thanks for the review.

Piper- Wow to be thought of in the same sentence as Great Expectations. Unbelievable. Thank you so much. He will be caught and then we will find out if he was acting alone or not. Thanks for your review.

Karissa- yes Rachel is finally opening up and Judy does have some nerve to visit the house. It won't be too long before Schuester is caught and then this family can truly move on. Thanks for the review.

Charmed girl There was a little bit of progress in this chapter. Even if Judy realized her mistake I think she may be too far gone to change her ways right now. I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for the review.

Kimberlii – Yes you are right it was Judy. Rachel will be opening up a bit more but she is getting confused on what happened when and where. I haven't forgotten about Noah and his new letter so let's see where that takes him. I am not sure Judy learns to stay away but we shall see. Thanks for reviewing.

Lovecanbesostrange - Please don't apologize I knew it was probably just a typo but I just want to make sure. While I would've liked Joey to have gone postal on Judy it was not the right thing to do and it would have shown Quinn the wrong thing to do she's been hit enough in her life. Shelby's words are starting to stick with Quinn however it maybe a long time before Quinn realizes what love is. Santana is going to start getting trauma therapy again as Shelby is noticing the signs. The Brittany and Santana scene is now bringing their relationship a little further and showing that Santana is willing to try albeit slowly. Thank you as always for the review.

Ninjagleek 21 Three cookies wow you must really like that chapter. There's a whole lot of people searching for Will let's see who gets to him first. Thank you for your review.

Suzy Q. I have to say I did wonder what happened to you last chapter but I understand people are crazy busy so that's okay thanks for loving it. I don't think Shelby or Joey will be suing the school anytime soon I just think they want to get the kids over all this trauma. Quinn is very confused over what she should feel with their parent's rights possibly being terminated but they will help her through it so Shelby will be there for her as will the rest of the family. As always I love your reviews keep them coming thanks a lot.

Tommy H. Thank you for the review.

Marinka4: I promise some good things will start to happen but there's a lot of bad things that have happened so they need to be worked through the intention is for the family to get all get better with the right therapy it's just a slow process as his life thank you for reviewing and I'm glad you're sticking with the story.

Renata sorry that I made you wait that long for the next chapter. Unfortunately Rachel's exam was necessary and it was sad. Quinn will continually have doubts but I think she believes deep down that she is a member of the family. Maybe I'll send your message to find out how we can kill Mr. Shue in the future right now we first have to catch him. Thanks again and I love your reviews and kisses from Brazil.

childstarLeaM. Yes Rachel finally is telling some of the story not all of it is out yet but it will come out eventually. It is lots of Shelby Rachel in this chapter and I hope you enjoy it. I was very disappointed with how the show handled Shelby Rachel but then again I'm disappointed with everything the show does lately. Thank you for the review.

piecesofyourheart I agree the words good girl will never mean the same again to me either. Puck is a great big brother to all of his sisters. Thank you for the review.

Filmaddict Santana is trying - it was a small step but also a big step. I don't think Will is that stupid to go to the house but you never know. Let's just get him caught first. Thanks for the review

SadPanda13 – Thank you for your review. I personally loved the Brittana scene. I was more than happy to write this scene. Quinn needed that breakdown. Will is a master manipulator. I know what you mean about the Quinn scene its so hard for her. But it will work out. I love your reviews, thanks so much!

Ryoko05 – Thank you so much for reviewing and I am glad you enjoyed the chapter. Quinn was bursting and it was a long time coming she needed to explode. Santana and Rachel's relationship is changing but will always be strong. Thanks for reviewing.

look4me – Thank you so much for choosing me over the show! Helen is awesome and already treats Quinn like her own grandchild. Frannie is not going to help Quinn anytime soon if ever. She may have taken the rap for her once but there were many more times when Frannie was the instigator and the one that caused a lot more "spankings" for Quinn.

HIsland429 – yes the flower guy did face Santana's wrath. Wrong place Wrong time. While Quinn is not officially separated from her parents she is headed very much in that direction and that will bring up a whole lot of other issues but we will work with them. Thank you for the review.

**Thank you all for the continuous support and reviews. This is a very short chapter. I had a terrible day at work on Thursday where my story very much came to life and I was put into a very emotional funk. This chapter is very short. It's not my best, but I really wanted to give you guys something. I'm going out of town on Monday through Wednesday. However, I plan to post something before I leave on Thursday. **

**Please think of this chapter as part 1 of 2. Next chapter, we'll see other interviews and a certain someone will be caught. I promise that it will happen. Also, I haven't forgotten about Noah and Santana. Don't worry. There are more scenes with them coming up. Don't worry. I apologize again. Please forgive me. I hope this chapter is okay enough. Please let me know what you think. **

**This is a very Rachel and Quinn centered chapter. My apology if those characters aren't your favorites. **

Shelby pulled Rachel into her arms. She let the child dangle her legs over hers as she sat sideways on Shelby's lap. She rested her hand over the side of Rachel head as she rocked back and forth. Rachel was still crying softly, but Shelby was thankful that she was at least letting her hold her. She remembered a time when Rachel wouldn't let anyone but Santana hold her and all Rachel would do was scream, kick, and cry. Now she was in Shelby's arms, allowing her to hold her. That bastard hadn't taken that away.

"I know you tried," Shelby said. "I'm so proud of you for trying and I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"Mumma?" she whispered wiping her tears with the back of her hand. Shelby looked down at Rachel, but the girl's head was still bowed. "I made him mad..." she whispered. "Are you mad at me too?"

"Not at all," she whispered. "I'm so happy you're talking to me. I'm so proud and grateful. Thank you."

Rachel leaned further into her mother. She chewed her lip and stared at the slightly ajar bathroom door. "Sanny's sick... I made her sick..." She looked down at her lap. "I... I'm dirty and messed up."

Shelby sat up a little straighter so that she could see Rachel's face. "You are not those two things at all." She kissed Rachel's head. "You are my baby bug. You are incredible and you transcend, which means go beyond-"

"I know what that means,," she whispered.

Shelby chuckled. "Of course, you do. I'm sorry." She took a deep breath and rocked her. "In the very least you are courageous. You are kind. And you are beautiful."

Rachel leaned the side of her head into her mother's chest. "You're my mom though," she whispered. "You're supposed to see me like that...and not everyone else does."

"That's not true," Shelby said. "I love you so much. That's how I see you. And I know a lot of other people see you like that."

Her ears perked up. She listened to her older daughters murmur quietly in the bathroom, thankful that Quinn had emerged from her hideout.

"I can't tell you what happened, Mumma," she whispered interrupting Shelby's concentration.

"Why not, bug?" Shelby asked stroking her daughter's hair.

"Because I'm not... I'm not really sure what happened," she said quietly. "He...He...changed... and he got mad at me..." Shelby noted that the whispering in the bathroom stopped. Rachel went on. "He knows everything, Mumma." She leaned in closer into Shelby's chest. "He even knows how scared I was in New York..." She looked up at her mother. "How does he know that?"

The mother frowned. "He does not know what you're feeling,Rachel. He was trying to intimidate you and make you think that he knows."

The girl's brow knitted. "It worked...," she whispered. "I don't know what happened...I'm confused because...sometimes he was there and then other times it was Papa Hiram..." She frowned again. "Once I could see Sanny reaching for me and holding my hand but then I was alone in his office...but it... it hurt the same... and I was screaming but no one could hear me..." She looked up at Shelby and the mother tried her best to suck back her tears. "Because his tie was on my mouth."

Shelby pulled her closer because she couldn't control her tears anymore and she didn't want Rachel to see her lose it. "I'm so sorry that no one heard you, baby," Shelby said. She heard another drive heave in the bathroom.

They rocked for a little bit on the bed and Rachel interrupted the silence.

Rachel frowned. "Suzy did..." She pulled away from her mother. "Suzy was outside the room when I …. when he …. when he brought me back out..."

Shelby frowned. "Okay." She was already trying to figure out their next course of action.

Rachel leaned back into her mother. "Mumma?" she asked suddenly.

"Yeah, bug?"

"I don't understand what he did... and what he said..." Rachel looked up at Shelby. "What …. I mean..." She frowned. "I ….. I …. I know... what... sex is...You make babies with sex." She nodded and searched Shelby's eyes. "You and Daddy had sex and made Noah, Sanny and me."

Shelby nodded, unsure and weary of where this conversation was going.

Rachel frowned deeper. "And...and... Noah had sex with Whitney in the back of her car..."

If Shelby could choke on her own spit, she would have, but she was sure she just choked on air. She tried to cover it with a cough and grimaced slightly as she heard something tumble to the floor in the bathroom where she knew the girls were listening.

The tiny girl frowned again. "And...Quinn... Quinn made a baby," she whispered.

Shelby's eyes bulged and her gaze jerked to the bathroom. She could see a sliver of Quinn's face through the barely open door. Quinn's hazel eyes widened in heartbreak and shock but stared back at Shelby. She felt Rachel jump in her arms when the bathroom door and then the bathroom door slammed shut.

"How can... how can people make babies?... OR want to?"

"Rachel..." Shelby started. "What happened to you -"

Rachel shook her head. "I know what rape is, Mom," she said in an eerily adult tone. "I just..." she looked away. "How can... how can it be the same thing?"

Shelby pressed Rachel's head against her chest. "Those are very complicated questions, Rachel. Ones that I promise will be answered. Things aren't just one thing or the other."

"I know that," she whispered. She slipped off of her mother's lap.

"Rach?" she questioned.

Shelby watched her take a deep breath. "I want to check on Sanny and Quinn," she finally said in the most simplistic tone and a gentle shrug.

Shelby stood up. She knew that the older girls would probably not be in a good state to deal with Rachel's big eyes full of confusion, pain, and apologies.

"Rachel," she called. "Wait, a sec-"

"San?" Rachel knocked on the door of the bathroom. "San?" She knocked again. "Are you okay?"

Shelby could hear sniffling and her eldest daughter, even though only older than Quinn by a few months, shuffle to her feet.

"Yeah. Yeah," Santana said in an almost chipper tone, but still clearly forced. The door opened. "I'm fine, bug," she muttered pulling her close. "I'm fine," she whispered again.

"You both need to go down stairs," Shelby said. "Dad?" she knew her father had been standing outside in the hallway or at least in hearing range. She was right. He poked his head head.

"Yes?"

Shelby smiled, grateful for something consistent.

…..

Quinn's eyes popped open. Where was she? How did she... Her mind trailed off. She looked around. She was in Shelby's room. She hadn't ever been in there besides that one time that Rachel and her passed through to go up on the roof. She looked around the room. It was decorated nicely, but simply. Her dresser was large with a matching framed mirror behind it. Quinn sat up with a groan. Her body was still aching. She looked more closely at the pictures on the dresser. She was expecting those obnoxiously stereotypical moments of cuteness caught when they kids were little. One of the three of them posing with a professional photographer. Professional photographs was what Quinn was used to. While she expected the candids she wasn't expecting the ones she saw. There was one of Santana and Noah right after Rachel was born; Santana was sitting on her who Quinn guessed was Shelby's lap, who was in a wheelchair. Rachel was tiny and in an incubator; Quinn knew she couldn't tell Rachel-newborn from any other newborn, but knew it had to be Rachel. There was a picture with Santana, Noah and Griffin hanging upside down on the jungle gym. There was a picture of Helen and Michael, sitting idly together in the front yard holding hands, unaware that their picture was being taken. There was a picture of a black handsome man Quinn had never seen Santana in one arm covering his ears and Rachel in the other covering his mouth with both of her small hands with Noah on his shoulders covering his eyes. Quinn could still see that he was laughing, his dimples went far beyond Rachel's hands. They were there, but there were other pictures too. Pictures of a series of young and slightly older, but still young Shelby with a round thing on a black thing. Quinn frowned. Why did she look so happy and so dressed up? That thing couldn't be a award. There were so many other pictures of the kids, cousins, Joey and Bear, and even a few of Shelby and that black man that the kids were pictured with earlier.

However, one picture made her freeze. It was a picture of Noah, Santana and Rachel. It looked recent. They were huddled underneath a blanket and sitting in an open trunk of Shelby's Range Rover. They must have been tailgating. Rachel was sitting in Santana's lap laughing and Santana was smiling as they both looked at Noah. No one was looking at the camera. It was wasn't the picture that made her pause though. It was the picture the three by four sized picture, the size you put in your wallet, that was tucked into the bottom edge of the frame between wood and the glass. It was Quinn's cheerio captain picture from this year.

She felt confused about how she felt about that. Shelby saw her and accepted her as family long ago. It was as if there was no room to even consider that Quinn might go back to her mother. There was nothing. Not even a prayer.

She looked around the room once again and felt even more out of place. She needed to go back to her room and hide in the corner. She paused. The guest room... or... her temporary room. She just needed to go somewhere else. She couldn't be in Shelby's room, she especially couldn't be there alone. The sun had gone down. She refused to be here in especially alone and in the dark. She was never allowed in her parents' room, especially not alone.

She walked back down the hallway. She spotted Michael and Bear with their backs to her standing outside of Santana's room. She frowned but and settled onto her make-shift bed on the floor ignoring the aches that electrocuted through her body. She closed her eyes and attempted to ease into some kind of sleep.

Suddenly she jumped at a slam of the ceramic toilet seat against the tank. Then she heard someone vomiting. she gave a huff.

She paused for a second. Santana? she thought. She swallowed a groan and stood up and made her way to the restroom. She opened the door slowly and Santana was hanging over the toilet.

"Um..."

Santana turned her head slowly and looked at the blonde in the doorway, with her head still resting on her arm. Her eyes were filled with tears.

"I knew he did something to her," she whispered. "I just knew it... but... but hearing it..."

Quinn watched her take deep breath and pinch the bridge of her nose. She watched the brunette in silence. She didn't know what to say. She allowed herself to ease back onto the edge of the bathtub. She frowned and attempted to gather her own thoughts.

"Is she... okay?"

"No," Santana spat.

Quinn shook her head. "Sorry," she muttered. "I don't know what to say..." She took a breath. "I'm so sorry that I left her with him."

Santana shook her head. Her forehead was now resting on her arm instead of the toilet. "Don't be sorry, Quinn," she said sincerely. "He would have gotten her anyway. He would have found a way... He did..." She sat up and leaned back into the tub. "I yelled at her."

"Good," Quinn said without hesitation.

The brunette snapped her neck to look at her. "What?"

"She needs that San," Quinn said. "You're not her mother. And you're too …. I don't know..."

Santana shook her head and Quinn watched as tears poured down the girl's face. "He made her... touch him... and then he...made her wear it home." She shook her head as Quinn stared back at her. The blonde herself wasn't sure if she was shocked or frozen in helplessness. She went on in an even quieter whisper. "I...and then … "

Quinn looked at her. "This isn't your fault, Santana. He did this." She was surprised by her own gentleness.

"I know,"she whispered. "But it feels like I did."

Rachel's voice echoed into the bathroom; the door was still open. "…. I'm not really sure what happened," Quinn could hear the struggles in her voice. "He...He...changed... and he got mad at me..." She watched Santana's eyes search the floor of the bathroom as if it had answers. Rachel went on. "He knows everything, Mumma. He even knows how scared I was in New York..." She felt a fury in her own heart as Santana's showed on her face. "How does he know that?" Rachel's question echoed in their minds.

Santana shook her head. "She's so smart," she whispered with a hiss. "But I forget that she's still a baby. She was manipulated."

She opened her mouth to respond to Santana. She wanted to tell her that Rachel wasn't a baby but that she was scared and Will knew that, men like Will always knew that. However, Rachel's voice interrupted the tense air. "I don't know what happened...I'm confused because...sometimes he was there and then other times it was Papa Hiram...Once I could see Sanny reaching for me and holding my hand but then I was alone in his office...but it... it hurt the same... and I was screaming but no one could hear me..." Quinn felt tears stinging her eyes. She didn't realize that her heart was beating fast in her chest or that she was dreading Rachel's explanation. However, the tiny girl continued anyway. "Because his tie was on my mouth."

Quinn felt her stomach drop and watched as Santana lurched into the toilet again, releasing her disgust. The blond stood from where she sat and pulled Santana's hair from her face. The blonde had no words of comfort because she knew you couldn't comfort someone away from the pain Santana was feeling. All Quinn could do was make sure she wouldn't vomit in her hair.

Rachel's voice interrupted them again. "Suzy was outside the room when I …. when he …. when he brought me back out..."

Santana turned and looked at her. "We will be talking to that little shit," she hissed. Quinn gave a small smile. She had almost forgot that the Santana she knew almost two months ago was still in there. They both looked back at the door as Rachel continued.

"I don't understand what he did... and what he said..." There was a pause. "What …. I mean..." She frowned. "I ….. I …. I know... what... sex is...You make babies with sex." Santana looked at her with a frown, but a frown not of sorrow but of impending dread.. "You and Daddy had sex and made Noah, Sanny and me."

Quinn gave a small smile as Santana frowned in disgust. No one wants to think about their parents making them... Quinn's thoughts trailed off. She stood up and leaned against the sink.

Rachel went on. "And...and... Noah had sex with Whitney in the back of her car..."

Both of them made a look of utter horror and smiled slightly at the initial reaction. Santana lost her balance a bit and knocked the shampoo bottle on the edge of the tub over.

"And...Quinn... Quinn made a baby," she whispered.

Quinn's smile faded as if it was never there. She felt her breath hitch in her chest. She looked through the crack in the door and Shelby was staring back at her. Her mouth dropped open. She felt Santana reach out to her. She couldn't this. She slammed the door to Santana's room shut.

"Quinn," Santana said gently.

The blonde waved her hands in front of her. "Leave me alone."

She ran into her room and slammed the door behind her unsure of what to think. She breathed shallowly and put her hands over her face. Her heart was racing. There were no words to describe what she was feeling. She felt splattered, spit out, and minced. The one person who accepted her and who she accepted without question thought that she made a baby by choice. She felt tears sting her eyes as her own hands tried to suffocate her feelings and the tears. She couldn't do this. It just hurt too much. She went to the corner and rummaged for the one thing she needed.

It wasn't there.

She spotted a duffle on her bed. She looked through there, as she once again ignored the pain and exhaustion in her body. She gave a small sigh of relief when she found it.

She pulled out the lamb and pulled it to her chest and squeezed her eyes shut.

_She sat on the back steps of the country club. her tears were falling without mercy. She gripped her fists. She couldn't understand or comprehend these emotions that ran through her veins. In all of her life, her entire five years, Quinn never felt so confusedly angry, sad, and frustrated at the same time. _

"_Hello, Quinn?" _

_She turned and saw Grammy Pierce looking at her with a soft smile. _

_The blonde shook her head. Grammy couldn't see her like this. _

"_I'm sorry, ma'am," she said standing and smoothing out her skirt. She started to walk past the kind woman. _

"_Quinn, dear. Come here," said the woman settling down on at an empty patio table and chair. _

_Quinn put her hands behind her back. She was told that she needed to listen to adults, so she couldn't say no. She turned and faced the woman. "I'm sorry," she muttered as she looked at her briefly before looking down at the ground. "I need to go back to my family." _

"_I asked them if you could come over with Brittany and Melanie for a playdate," Grammy said simply. _

_Her head shot up. "My daddy said yes?" she couldn't control her surprise. _

_Grammy nodded. The woman held out her hands. Quinn looked at them unsure. "My dear girl, you are so much better than you know." _

_Quinn frowned. She wasn't sure what that meant. Grammy seemed to know that. "You have so many awesome things about you but you don't have people around you that remind you of that, who tell you." _

_She frowned deeper. "You do. You tell me I'm nice and things." _

"_And you are, Quinn," Grammy Pierce said looking at her eyes. "I know you might not understand all of this, but I need you to remember something." _

_Quinn nodded. "Okay, Grammy." _

"_What you feel is never wrong," the older woman said carefully. She took a deep breath. "No matter what your mother or your father say. You are a good girl, you are kind and you are strong." _

"_No, I'm not," she said looking at her not with sadness, but simply truth. She knew, even at five that those things weren't true. _

"_You are," Grammy said. "You are those thing. To me and so many more." She sat up straighter and pulled out a small lamb from her back "I got something for you." _

"_Why?" Quinn asked looking at the lamb. _

"_There are many things about me that you don't know, my sweetheart," the woman said staring ahead. "However, you help remind me of those things that I try to forget." _

"_I don't understand," Quinn replied. _

"_You're my lost sheep, Quinnie," She whispered. "Will you protect this little lamb? Hold her close when you're scared?" _

_Quinn took the lamb and looked at it was a tenderness and care that only a five year old could. "Why?" she asked. _

"_Because it feels a lot like you do," Grammy explained. "I saw what your sister did and what your mother said to you, Quinn. I would feel very angry and sad." Grammy leaned forward and pointed at the lamb. "You can hug her and she'll understand. You don't need words and you don't need to hold it in those tiny fists of yours." Quinn looked at the lamb and then back at Grammy. "Will you take care of her, Quinn? She needs someone." _

"_I don't know if I can," Quinn whispered. She wasn't sure her father would let her. _

"_No one in your family has to know about the lamb," the older woman said carefully. "You can keep her safe. I know you can. "Maybe if you let her, someday you can let her keep you safe." _

"_How?" Quinn asked with big eyes. _

"_Sometimes, Quinn all people need is other people just to hold us," Grammy said. _

"_Oh," responded the five year old. "I'll take care of her for you." _

"_Thank you," the woman responded proudly. "Now do you want to find Brittany?" _

_Quinn nodded. "Thank you," she whispered taking her hand. _

"_Always," Mary Pierce said back. _

"Quinn?"

The blonde opened her eyes and turned to face the door. She was still gripping her lamb, but didn't turn around.

"I'm fine," she said through her teeth.

"Quinn," Shelby said from behind her.

"I said, I'm fine." she hissed.

"Honey," she began again. "I know you're not fine."

"Leave me alone," Quinn hissed. "I will be fine. Just give me...give me a minute."

Shelby took a step toward the young girl. "You've been given enough minutes. You don't need to be fine, Quinn. Your feelings are not wrong. Not ever, Quinn."

"Shut up!" she let out a sob. "Shut up!"

"Quinn," she said.

"Stop," she whispered. She sat on the floor. "Please..." Shelby wrapped her arms around Quinn. The girl began to cry harder. "It was a little girl. It was … It was a little girl."

Shelby squeezed her eyes tighter and held the girl closer. "I'm so sorry, Quinn."

"I'm not..." she sobbed. "And I hate that...I-I-I-don't know... I...I'm grateful that... that one day... I'll never have to tell that little girl who... " She let out a sob. She turned and looked at Shelby. "I … I ...I'm happy that she's not here and … a-a-and that hurts so much. I hate that I'm happy that I'm not responsible." She wiped her tears. "I'm not supposed to be grateful." She shook her head with a sob.

"Quinn," Shelby said wiping the girl's tears. "You can be angry and grateful and sad, and confused all at once."

She shook her head and wiped her own tears. "I can do this. I'm fine. I just... You need to talk to Rach and -"

"I want to talk to you," Shelby assured. "You don't have to be so brave all the time."

"I'm not!" The tears began again. She wiped them and put her hands up toward her face. "See? Not brave at all." She shook her head. "Rachel's brave..." She shook her head. "Not me."

"Yes, you," Shelby said with a small smile. "I hope you'll eventually see you the way I see you."

Quinn rolled her eyes and wiped another stray tear. "Do we need to go down to that place that I went to?" She saw Shelby's look of confusion. "You know, that place...where I first met you."

Shelby nodded. "The advocacy center?" Quinn nodded. "We'll probably all go there tomorrow."

Quinn searched her eyes and spotted the piece of information that she hadn't said. She gave a nod. "They'll need to talk to me, won't they?" She shook her head and nodded. "I told them what I saw."

"But you didn't," she said carefully. She looked carefully at the sixteen year old. "You can talk to the people at advocacy center tomorrow or you can talk to Elyse tomorrow." She kissed the girl's temple. "Let's get you back in bed." She stood up but felt a hand stop her.

"He didn't hurt me," she whispered to the floor. She looked up and met the mother's gaze. "I don't want to talk about it, but I need you to believe me."

She took her hand and pulled her up. "I'll always stand by you, Quinn. Think about it." Quinn looked at her with a frown. "About who you want to talk to." She held out her hand. "Come on," she whispered.

….

The girls were finally asleep and Noah was snoring next to them in adjacent the love seat. Rachel was curled into Santana's side in Santana's bed that Noah and Michael moved down. Quinn was asleep in her bed that was squeezed in next to Santana's bed. The entire living room was completely rearranged. The couches and tables had to be moved out the garage.

She pulled the blankets over the girls. She knew that the girls had taken their medicine before, but she wasn't sure if they would be sleep through the night. She tucked in Quinn and placed her lamb next to her. She walked next to Noah and pried the bag of chips that he snuck out of kitchen. She finally headed into the kitchen with a heavy sigh. The house was quiet.

"Alright, we're going to head out," Joey said kissing Shelby on the temple. "You good?"

She gave a subtle nod and sat on the stool at the counter. "Yeah, thank you."

"We're going to have them meet us down at the center tomorrow," Bear said as he finished washing his hands at the sink. "I really think it'll be better to do the girl's interviews there. They're trained for that kind of stuff."

"I know that," Shelby said quietly. "Elyse will come over tomorrow morning with the girls." She combed her hand through her hair. "I think I'm going to switch Santana to Elyse."

Michael frowned. "She showing signs to do that?"

Shelby looked at her father. "Not like she used to," she trailed off with a shake of her head. "But she needs to go. Julia has already voiced concerned to me that she's not prepared to help Santana through..." She looked at her family. "The on-coming storm."

Michael nodded and sat down next to Shelby. "Rachel's been in trauma therapy for so long, Shel, because she could never get a handle on triggers and to that she had to remember."

Shelby shook her head. "So we lied to her and allowed her to live the last nine years in an oblivious state of panic." She waved her arms. "Thanks, Dad! Thanks for that reminder."

"We did that, Shel," Michael said gently. "Because that's what the experts said. We took it one step at a time."

"Steps that took nine damn years," she hissed. She shook her head. "No, Santana isn't having the same issues that Rachel is having.-"

"Because Santana went through trauma therapy in New York and completed it," Helen said sitting next to her daughter.

"Because she told her damn therapists what happened but she never told me," Shelby said. "I had to hear it from them." She shook her head. It's nine years later and …We're still... I … I just..."She waved her hands. "The nurse is coming over first thing and then Elyse and then we'll meet you at the center."

"No, we'll be back over here in the morning," Helen said. "I'll be cooking some things that you can just pop in the oven or the microwave."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Joey asked.

Helen waved her off. "I can cook, thank you and those girls need to eat more. Rachel and Quinn need to eat more than broth."

"I'm working on it, Mom!" Shelby said with exhaustion. She put her head in her hands. "I'm sorry. I just... I'm working on it."

"I know, I'm sorry."

Helen took a deep breath. "We'll be back in the morning."

Shelby sighed and watched them leave wondering what the day would bring.

…..

Shelby woke up to the smell of coffee and something cooking in the kitchen. It had been a rough night. She was woken up by Quinn insisting that she needed to set up her bed on the floor. Then Rachel woke up Santana by crying about needing to go to the bathroom. Shelby had to fumble through the the kitchen to find the girls medicine and then something to eat.

She looked over at the mantle clock. She untangled herself from Quinn and climbed over the others to make her way to the kitchen.

"Mom?"

"Morning," Helen whispered. "Breakfast is almost ready."

Shelby shook her head. "This is too much, Mom."

"No, it's not. It's easily freezeable and can be put in the fridge for later. I'm packing the kids lunch."

"Sue's taking Noah and San," Shelby explained. "I haven't … told them yet but..." She shook her head. "The school administration informed all of the teachers about Will Schuester." She waved her arm. "I mean it's on the nightly news." She took a deep breath. "She has a plan for them today. A good one. They can't have full stomachs when they do what they plan to do.."

Helen shook her head. "This is why I'm wrapping it up for them to eat afterward. I know that Sue lady. She's a little... um..." Shelby chuckled watching her look for a nice adjective. She shook her head and waved her hand. "Well you know..." She shrugged. "Anyway..." She finished pointing to two thermos. "The girls' shakes are in here. I will pack a fruit salad and some cereal, too. Can they eat during the interviews?"

Shelby looked at her mother and shook her head. "Maybe, Mom." She looked at the clock. "Elyse is coming up for a bit."

"But the girls have their interviews," Helen explained. "Doesn't that sound funny? It's like we're talking about them going out for a job."

Shelby nodded. "Elyse just wants to check in with them."

"What time is she getting here?"

The doorbell rang.

"Now."

"Sweet baby Jesus!" Santana exasperated sigh..

Noah released a loud groan that echoed into the kitchen and Rachel exuded a tiny cry and Shelby could see Quinn jump from where she was standing.

Shelby sighed and went to the the door.

"Morning," Elyse said held out a venti cup Starbucks cup. "Triple cappuccino. Dry."

"Thank you," she sighed.

Elyse walked in. "Anyone awake?"

"Barely," Shelby said. "Let's talk in the study. We have about an hour or so until the nurse gets here."

Elyse nodded and followed her into the study.

Rachel rubbed her eyes and looked over Santana. "What is she doing here?"

"Upstairs Noah. Please change," Helen said beginning to fold the blanket that was draped over him.

"Nana," he whined.

"Noah! I mean it," Nana said seriously.

He moaned but stood.

Helen moved to Rachel and Santana. The older girl wrapped her arms tighter around Rachel. "We're sleeping," she announced.

"You're not," Helen corrected. She combed her hand through Rachel's hair. "Kitchen now. Go. Up. Up."

"Nana, I'm sleeping," Rachel mumbled into Santana's chest.

"Quinn?" Helen called. "I know you're awake. Up. Up. "

Quinn moaned.

Shelby took a sip of her coffee with gratitude. "Thank you. I needed this."

"I figured," Elyse said with a smile. She took a deep breath. "So she talked last night."

Shelby nodded. "Yeah, she did. You're going to be at the center."

Elyse nodded. "Both girls will be interviewed, right?"

The mother continued. "Yes. With their therapy though, I think you need to be aware that Rachel remembered things during her... attack." She searched the woman's eyes and continued. "I also think that Santana needs to be switched over to you."

"I read her file. She completed trauma therapy back in New York," Elyse explained. "We evaluated her when she first moved here."

"Yes, but I think this might open old wounds for her. It already has."

"Has she been triggered in ways like the other two?"

"More or less," Shelby nodded.

Elyse gave a sigh. "Alright, I'll file the paperwork and we'll get her on the schedule for this week. Also, Jackie sent me report of Quinn's reaction to the severance plan."

Shelby gave a heavy sigh. "Yeah..."

"We're getting through to her, Shelby. It's just taking time." She watched her coworker for a moment in silence before she went on. "She brought up the pregnancy again."

Shelby gave a tiny nod. She looked at her hands and continued. "I know her scars run deep, " she began slowly. "But...I'm unsure of who the father was."

The other woman folded her arms protectively in front of her and thought for a moment before speaking. "I've thought the same thing, but we will dive into this slowly. You and I both know that she won't talk if we push her. We've uprooted her entire life, bad or otherwise, it was still her life."

Shelby nodded. "Absolutely."

"Can I ask you something?" Elyse said cautiously. The woman nodded with a frown at the other's woman's concern. "Have you …. Have you really considered if you're ready to take this on?" Shelby opened her mouth to speak in her defense and Elyse put her hands up. "Hear me out. We see this kind of thing every day. Your family is going to go through something very trying and -"

"Elyse, Quinn is my family. It's not about 'doing the right thing' or being in over my head or me being stubborn because I don't want to give up Quinn. It's not an option." She looked at her friend. "I appreciate your concern, but I'm not going to give up on her even though this has happened with Rachel." She shook her head. "I know that people will say that I was too busy on a crusade to save Quinn to see what was wrong with Rach, but I honestly I don't believe that's true."

"I didn't mean to offend, Shelby," she began.

"I know you didn't, but how can Quinn accept that she's part of this family if people keep questioning it?"

Elyse nodded for the millionth time. "You know that we have to ask these things."

Shelby shook her head. "It's better to check in."

"You know we would only move her under the worst case," she said gently. "But it looks like we're getting pretty close to a worst case scenario and I-"

Shelby put her hand up. "I know. I appreciate it. I know. I will make sure she gets the care that she needs that all of them do. Things are bad right now, but …. I think you see that somehow Rachel and Quinn need each other and separating them will undo everything. Plus..." she said with a sigh. "That's part of the way he got Rachel not to talk." Elyse frowned and she went on. "He told her the family would be split up. They don't just need each other but they're depending on each other."

"I know and I truly believe that the need each other. They all do. Removing Quinn won't help anyone, but we still need to ask," she said with a sympathetic look.

"I know," Shelby nodded. "My family is helping. I have help. It's not just me alone."

"I'm know Shelby. If anyone can do this, you can, but it's just... It would be hard with Quinn alone. With all the layers on top of that..." She trailed off.

"I get it," she nodded. "I do."

Shelby looked up. She could hear rumblings in the kitchen. "Do you want to talk to the kids first?"

Elyse nodded. Shelby led them into the kitchen.

"Are you moving in too?" Noah asked with a frown.

The girls looked at him incredulously.

Elyse laughed. "No, but I'm here to talk schedules."

"Oh," Rachel whispered.

Santana pursed her lips together and wrapped her arm around Rachel.

"The nurse is going to come over and check your incisions and vitals and then we're going to head down to the center," Shelby said sipping her coffee and slapping Santana's hand away as the older girl reached for the Starbucks paper mug.

"The advocacy center?"

Shelby nodded quickly. "And you two," she said pointed to Noah and Santana, "Are going with Sue."

"Mom," Santana began.

"End of discussion," Helen said quickly.

"Mom," Shelby said carefully. "They're just doing their interviews that's all."

"That's not _all_," Santana hissed.

Rachel stared down idly at her plate of fruit.

"Have they caught him yet? They have right?"

Shelby stared at her kids. She was used to having her game face on but it much have drowned in her coffee.

"Oh my god, they haven't," Santana whispered.

They all turned slowly to Rachel who's breathing was becoming more and more rapid.

Shelby recognized in her eyes that Rachel was with him again, hearing his voice in her head. She put her coffee on the counter and scrunched down behind Rachel's chair.

"Look at me, Rach," Shelby said softly. The girl slowly turned in her seat and looked at her mother. "He's not going to hurt you again. What he said isn't true." Shelby could see the other children looking at her with frowns of confusion. "Do you hear me?"

Rachel nodded. "I just have to tell the truth, right?"

Shelby nodded. "Yes. Just the truth."

"Okay."

…...

Santana watched as Rachel came out of the house. She looked very un-Rachel like. She still had some bruising on her face. Because of the surgery, Rachel was most comfortable in a nightgown, but had to settle for sweatpants to head down to the center.

"You look wicked cute, bugs," Brittany said next to her. Santana had almost for forgot that she had spent the last five minutes debating on holding Brittany's hand and then pulling away.

"I look like a scrub," Rachel said with a huff. "I look like Noah. I don't leave the house in sweatpants, Brittany. While comfortable they're not suitable for public."

Brittany looked down and Rachel followed her gaze. Brittany was in sweatpants.

"Well, I mean-I don't... Um..."

"You're okay, Rach," Brittany grinned. "It takes more than that to ruin my ego."

"Okay," she muttered. "Sorry."

Santana gave Brittany a nod of thanks and turned to Rachel. "Call me if you need anything?" Rachel nodded. She cupped her face gently. "I'm sorry I can't come."

"I know." She gave a tiny smile and looked up. "You might hit someone if come."

Santana tried to chuckle but she couldn't help but feel a little wounded that her eleven year old sister thought... or knew … her instinct for violence. She gave a weak smile.

"Kay," she whispered. She knew that this needed to be done, but she couldn't help but feel lost without a purpose or a role in the process.

"Let's get moving please," Shelby said. She kissed Noah on the cheek and hugged Santana. "Be good."

Santana nodded. "Bye, Rach," she whispered. Rachel gave a slight wave and her mother helped her climb into the back seat of the car.

She watched as her grandparents talk to her uncle by her car and Quinn sat silently in the front seat. She suddenly felt a swell and a pang in her chest. She walked over to the car from the doorstep where she was standing and opened Quinn's door.

"What?" Quinn asked as she looked back at her.

Santana could see her mother and Rachel staring at her from the back seat. "I..." She took a few endless seconds to search for her words. But then she did something that she never did. She let her actions speak louder than words. She gently, but swiftly wrapped her arms around the seat-belted blond and pulled her into a soft hug. "Thanks," she whispered. She wasn't sure if the single word allowed Quinn to understand the depth of her gratitude ran deeper than just Quinn going and explaining what happened that day at school or the fact that she got Rachel away from him. The simple word signified that there were no words other than that word. While it felt empty and insignificant, it meant the world.

She watched as they finally drove away. Rachel looked back at her briefly as they did.

She felt a hand slip into her own. She didn't need to turn to know who it was.

"I don't think she really understands where she's going," Santana said quietly not taking her eyes off of her mother's Range Rover.

"She does," Brittany replied squeezing her tighter. "She'll be okay."

"She was three the last time we went to a center like that," she said quietly turning to Brittany. "I don't think she remembers." She searched Brittany's eyes for fear and hesitation. "I don't want you to feel bad for me. Or look at me different."

Brittany softened her gaze. "I might look at you differently, but I won't stop loving you and I will never feel bad for you."

Santana nodded. "I've done a lot of bad things, Brit." Brittany looked at her to go on. "What if it's all too much?"

Brittany shrugged. "I have seen you do a lot, San. It's not news to me and I still love you. It'll be a lot, but..." She licked her lips trying to find her words. "I know that... I don't know what happened but... it's made you who you are. And I love that person." Santana opened her mouth to protest. "Even if you don't yet." She gave a smile. "Just give me the benefit of a doubt. Okay?" She chuckled. "Because believe it or not, I've tried so hard not to love you as much as I do, but it didn't work. I just couldn't stop caring about you."

"I don't know what this means or how to do this," she whispered.

"We'll figure it out," she whispered. "I'll be here."

"Girls, are you about done?" Helen asked as she looked down the street. Santana pulled her hand away. "I think that Sue lady will be here soon."

She wasn't sure why she was so scared of telling her Nana, but she was. It was cliche but she was afraid of rejection from one of the few people she respected. The more people she told the more real it would be.

"Brittany, how are you, dear? I didn't greet you before."

"I'm fine, Mrs. Berry," Brittany said hugging the older woman.

Santana watched Brittany interact with her nana. She gave a soft smile. They fit; Brittany fit. Her empty hand reached out and retook the blonde's while she continued to talk to her grandmother. She gave her a smile and squeezed the hand. Her hand fit too.

…...

Rachel held Shelby's hand as they walked into the center. Quinn stood by next to them watching Rachel's reaction. Did they explain to her why they were there?

"Mumma," the girl whispered as she entered they entered the main lobby.

A woman in a business suit came out to greet them before Shelby could finish. "Hi," she said. "I'm Jill. I believe Captain Marshall let you know I was going to talk with you both."

Shelby nodded. "This is Quinn and Rachel."

"Hello," Jill smiled.

Quinn frowned. Why was she smiling? A tug on the bottom of her sweatshirt made her return to reality. Rachel was looking at her. She hadn't been able to look at the girl the same since she heard what was said in the bathroom.

"Yeah?" she asked quietly.

Rachel looked up at her with big eyes. Damn those eyes and damn them especially because they now saw Quinn's upset. She didn't want Rachel to see that. It was Quinn's own fault that Rachel knew. She shouldn't have been yelling about it so loudly.

"Hi, Rachel," Jill said, pulling Rachel's attention from the woman.

"Hi..." she said as she leaned further into her mother.

"My name is Jill," she said with a gentle smile. "Will you come in and speak with me?"

Rachel looked up at her mother, who gave a nod of approval then back at Quinn. "What about Quinn?"

"She'll be going in another room," Jill assured.

She shook her head and bit her lip. "Why are we here, Mumma?" Rachel asked.

Shelby knelt down in front of her. "Jill's going to talk to you about what happened, Rach. Remember we talked about this."

Rachel looked around and then back at her mother. "I don't want to talk to her. I want to talk to Elyse."

Jill knelt next to them. "Well, I'm a police officer, too Rachel," she explained. "Except mainly I talk to people like Elyse does. Why don't we try it and if you don't like it we can try again some other time?"

Rachel looked at Quinn. "Are you gonna do it?"

The blonde nodded. "It's not that scary, Rach. I've been here before. Trust me." Her voice was almost dry.

"Quinn's not going anywhere, Rach," Shelby said looking at Rachel carefully. "We'll be out here waiting for you."

Rachel looked at Quinn. The older girl hadn't looked at her the same. "Are you mad at me?"

"No," Quinn said getting obviously uncomfortable.

The eleven year old continued to look dejected. She turned back to Jill. "I can stop whenever I want to?"

Jill nodded. "Absolutely."

"Okay."

Shelby watched Rachel being led down the hallway. She turned to Quinn once Rachel disappeared. "I need to sort out some paperwork and talk to the Captain," Shelby said. She searched Quinn's eyes. "Are you doing alright?"

"Shouldnt you be in there with her?" Quinn asked.

"No," Shelby said watching the direction Rachel went around the corner. "She'll be okay." She looked back at the blonde. "You haven't talked to her about what she said have you?" Quinn looked at her in confusion. "About what she said while you and Santana were in the bathroom."

The blonde shrunk. How did this woman know everything? Quinn looked at the floor. "I'm …. I'm not going to explain to her what happened..." she whispered. She looked in the direction of the hallway. "She can think what she wants..." She bit her lip. "It's better than the reality."

"Quinn," Shelby began.

"I don't want to talk about it here. We're here for her to catch him that's all."

Shelby searched her eyes. "I won't love you any less."

"What?"

"It's hard for you to be here, I know. I appreciate that, you don't have to do this for Rachel though. You can do it for you too."

Quinn shook her head. "That easy huh?"

"Quinn?"

She and Shelby looked over their shoulders.

"Joey, what are you doing here?"

Joey shrugged and started unbuttoning her jacket. "I meant to be here earlier but I got caught up." She saw Shelby's look. "Bear will stop by soon," She added.

Quinn looked at all of them. It hit her harder than it did before. She had been here before, but it hadn't been about someone else, someone she cared about. Now it was. Before it was abstract and far away, like she was floating somewhere else. However, this felt real, too real. It felt as if things hurt too much. She had been to this center before. They did the forensic interviews and the medical exams in kid-friendly less scary rooms. They even had a teen room where they interviewed and talked to Quinn but the walls were just painted with 'calming' colors and relaxed decor. She looked down the hallway. Rachel had to go through that right now. She wasn't having the exam, and Quinn was thankful to that, but she was being interviewed.

"Quinn?"

She looked up and Joey was staring at her with interest.

"Why don't we go sit down?" She suggested, "They said we could use a room." Quinn looked up and saw Shelby talking with one of the people at the front desk.

"I'm going to go and talk with the Captain," Shelby said coming over with them. "Quinn, come find me if you need anything. I'll talk to you before you go into your interview okay?"

Quinn just nodded. Her mind was full. She kept thinking of all the little promises and all the random interactions she had had in her lifetime. For some reason, they all seemed to flood to the front of her brain in that moment. She was anywhere but in that moment. She looked to her right and suddenly found herself sitting next to Joey in one of the 'calmly' decorated rooms. Everything that she had read and those thoughts of how insignificant she was that crept up on her in the night were now yelling at her.

"There's something wrong with me," she whispered.

"What?" Joey asked looking at her.

"There's something wrong with me," she said again.

"No, there's not, Quinn," Joey said facing her directly.

"Did you know that some studies say that about thirty percent of children who had been sexually abused become abusers themselves?" Quinn didn't say it as a question, but rather a fact. "My parents were …. They never hugged me... or... Told me I'm good at things...But it wasn't constant. They would brag about me at the club when I was older, however I had to stand behind them... I'm... I don't understand why I haven't hurt anyone yet. Why does Shelby let me stay with Rachel? Why does she trust me? I shouldn't-"

"There are a million reasons why people turn out the way they are," Joey said. "Children in the most loving environments can become terrible people. The brain is so mysterious." She took a breath. "You are so many wonderful things, Quinn. You are that way because you're special, you're strong and you're so full of this instinctive compassion that it's as if it sneaks up on you. It's your instincts. Yes your parents were not great at a lot of things." She shook her head in anger. "But somehow you were able to identify right from wrong."

"But I still choose wrong," she whispered. She looked at Joey. Her eyes were brimming with tears. "They're all I have."

"Not anymore," Joey said gently.

Quinn shook her head. "You don't get it. You can't come in riding on your white horse saving me," she whispered with her eyes filled with tears. "It's not like that."

"I know I might not understand how complicated it is, Quinn. And I get that sometimes things defy definition and explanation," Joey began. "But, that's the hardest part to accept. Something can be purple and be spinach at the same time."

Quinn sniffled a laugh. "That makes no sense."

"That's the point." Joey wrapped her arm around her and pulled her close into a hug. "You're good at things, Quinn."

She looked at her and wiped her eyes. "I'm bad at so many things."

Joey smiled. "Me too, but that doesn't mean you're not still good at so many other things." She smiled. "You're good with Rachel. You're great with putting people in their places, San and my son included. You are loyal and kind. You-"

"Allowed my father to do what he did because I was so … " Quinn looked at her with her arms folded over her chest and tears trickling down her face. "I just want someone to love me."

Joey pulled her closer. "We love you so so so much, Quinn."

The blond shook her head. "You can say it a million times," she whispered staring at the floor with glassy eyes. "But I can't feel it."

Joey looked at her. She saw for the first time that the people Quinn needed love from wasn't the Corcorans, but it was the Fabrays and she had spent the past sixteen years trying to earn it, to feel it. She remembered the girl's heart wrenching sobs and words the night before when Jackie told her that they were seeking severance.

"If you let us love you, Quinn," she whispered. "That doesn't mean that your parents won't ever tell you."

The blonde looked at her with a frown, soaking in her words. "I don't know." She sat up and wiped her tears. "Is Rachel going to be okay?"

"She will be," Joey said simply. "And so will you."

Quinn scoffed. "Yeah. Right."

Joey smiled. "Yeah. You know how I know?"

"Try me," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"Because you're talking to me right now. " She shook her head. "You never would have done that before." She took a deep breath. "You're not going to wake up one day and have everything seem .. better."

"Thanks," Quinn frowned.

"What I mean is," Joey continued. "Would you have thought that your father was terrible say five months ago?"

Quinn thought for a moment and the older woman continued. The woman couldn't read her face. She didn't know that five months ago was when Quinn was dealing with her own guilt of losing the one human she thought would love her back. However, there was only so much emotion that the young face could convey. And to Joey, she saw hesitation disguised as progress. "That. Right there. That hesitation? Realizing the difference. That's a huge step."

Quinn frowned. "You don't get it. I don't know where I'm stepping and what I want or what I expected but … It just..." She shook her head. "I don't expect anyone to understand. It's too complicated. It makes no sense."

"It doesn't have to."

She shook her head and folded her arms, allowing herself to mold into the couch.

"Things aren't going to go away with a Joey-pep talk," she said with a shake of her head.

"They could," Joey said nudging her a bit with a smile.

"Thanks," she whispered.

"Don't mention it."

…..

Shelby was ushered into the room. Elyse, a few other investigators that she recognized from earlier and the Captain stood at the mirror. There was mirror ahead of her that looked into a colorfully decorated room with toys. She could see her baby girl sitting at the table with Jill.

"How's it going?"

"They've just been coloring," Captain Morgan explained. He gave Shelby a grin. "Your eleven year old just explained that she finds coloring to be a less childish exercise and more cathartic."

Shelby shook her head. "I bought my son a pre-SAT book last year and she soaked information from that book more than my son. My son used it as a pillow and Rachel actually looked through the book and challenged herself." She shook her head, bringing her back to reality. "Did Bear fill you in?"

The Captain nodded and folded his hands over his chest. "Yes. About what she said about the dress."

The mother nodded. "She's talking about what happened in a very fragmented way. It might be difficult to separate the occurrences. She also might be intermixing them with blurry memories." Shelby stared ahead. She heard herself, but if felt less like she was talking about her daughter and more like she was speaking of a client. This wasn't a client. This was her baby. She felt her eyes stinging uncontrollably. She took a deep breath and tries to suck them back in.

The trained her ears to the interview.

"What are you coloring?" Jill asked.

"It doesn't matter, does it?" Rachel asked.

Shelby frowned. She should have known Rachel would be snappy.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I'm here to talk …." She looked at the woman and then looked away.

Shelby watched with a heavy heart as Rachel quietly continued to color.

Jill nodded and continued. "Do you like to sing?"

"Not anymore," Rachel said as she continued to color carefully in front of the lines. She looked up at Jill. "I haven't told my mom yet. Don't tell her I don't want to go to Gable." Rachel continued to color.

"Why not?" Jill asked.

Rachel paused and looked at the woman with a tilt of her head. "Because he was supposed to ….teach me..."

"He didn't do that?"

Shelby watched as Rachel shook her head. "Mr. Schuester was nice to me..." She watched as Rachel pressed her crayon down harder as she continued coloring. "I was stupid though..."

"You weren't stupid, Rachel," Jill said gently. "He wanted you to trust him."

Rachel nodded. "I did... but then..." she trailed off. "He changed."

"What do you mean?"

She frowned and looked around the room, paused at the window and then looked at Jill. "This'll catch him right?"

Jill nodded. "It'll certainly be a big part of it."

Shelby could feel her heartbeat pick up in her chest.

"I wanted to leave..." she muttered. Shelby leaned forward further to hear her. "I was almost at the door...He wouldn't let me leave."

"You're doing a great job, Rachel," she said with a smile. "When was this?"

Rachel bit her lip and looked straight at Shelby through the one way mirror, but Shelby knew she was just looking at herself. "When he made me touch him..."

Shelby wanted so badly to go in there and hold her as Rachel began to cry.

"You're doing a great job, Rachel. We can take a break if you want."

Rachel shook her head. "I … I... he...unbuttoned my dress... and he... pulled down my …. and … um...pushed up my...training bra..."

Shelby put her hand over her mouth and let out a small sob.

The young girl looked at her crayon. "Then he sat on me..." She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "But... that was … he... the second time was different and it hurt more."

"Second time?" Jill asked.

Rachel nodded.. "He was so mad...He kept hitting me." Her eyes looked up at Jill in embarrassment. "On my... He um... spanked me a lot..." She bowed her head in embarrassment. "He had me bend over …. I wasn't holding still."

Shelby released another shuddering breath. Fresh tears began again.

"Shelby, if you need to take a breath-" Captain began.

Her hand shot up. "I'm fine." She looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry. I'm fine."

She turned her attention back to the room.

"I'm sorry he hurt you, Rachel," Jill said gently.

Rachel shook her head. "He said it was my fault..." She looked at Jill and cried.

"What was your fault?" the woman asked gently.

"T-t-that it hurt because I couldn't get wet." Rachel shook her head frantically. "I don't know what that means. He... he … he took my …. I had an accident. They were wet," she whispered. "He took them... so I..." She shook her head. "I don't know what it means."

"Rachel, why don't we take a break?" she said gently. "I can get your mom."

"No," Rachel wailed. She sat up straighter. "I just want to go home and not come back here." She wiped her tears from the back of her head. "So I need you to tell me what to tell you." She searched the woman's eyes. "Please."

The woman nodded and sat down across from Rachel. "Okay." She took a deep breath. "Did he touch you any other way, Rachel?"

Shelby didn't realize that she was holding her breath but she was. She watched her tiny eleven year old look away and to the floor, nodding quietly.

"Will you tell me?" she asked.

Rachel stared at the floor with blank eyes. "He... He put something inside of me..."

Jill nodded. "We can take a break anytime."

She shook her head. Shelby put her hand on her heart for her brave girl. "I …. He had his hand on my face, my mouth. Mr. Schuester did. The same one that..." Rachel bowed her head further. "The one that was rough and …. touched me..." Rachel pointed subtly toward her crotch. She shook her head as her brow knitted. "I don't know if he... if he put it inside of me... I got confused."

"What do you mean?"

Rachel wiped her tears. "Sometimes I was in the room with my Papa Hiram and other times I was with Mr. Schuester and … Sanny was there holding my hand. She helped me get away."

Shelby's head was bowed slightly but shot up at her daughter's words. What was she talking about? Santana wasn't with Rachel.

"What do you mean, Rachel?"

"My big sister always tells me to hit people in the eyes if they try to hurt me." She looked at Jill with big eyes. "I haven't before this... ever. I promise."

Jill gave a small nod and Rachel continued.

"I was... I was on the floor and I could feel something hitting me... you know,... down there..." She bowed her head. "I just heard my sister's voice in my head."

Shelby at her daughter through the glass. "Oh my god," she whispered. "She fought back."

Rachel went on. "I...hit him in the face." She frowned. "He pulled me back with my foot...but... I kicked him in the face."

"That was very brave of you, Rachel," Jill said. "Do you want to take a break?"

Rachel shook her head.

"Can I ask you a few questions?"

She nodded.

"How did you get in the car with Quinn?"

"I was crying in the locker room trying to hide...I was waiting for Santana to get out..." She frowned. "I should have gone out to the field, huh?"

"What you did was brave, Rachel."

She felt her eyes fill with tears as she watched her baby girl. The door opened and Bear came into the room. "Hey, how's she doing?"

"She's a trooper."

"She wanted to call my mom," Rachel said quietly. "But I begged her not to and told her I just wanted to leave. She hugged me and she got Noah's keys and we left."

Jill nodded. "What happened after that?"

Rachel frowned. "We were upside down in the car."

"Okay," she said with a sigh. "Can you tell me more about what he said to you?"

Rachel looked at her with fear and hesitation, but found her words. "He said I would ruin everything..." Shelby watched as her brow knitted in the memory. "He … He told me that I was his and that I needed to be a good girl." She watched as Rachel bit her lip. "When... he... he put that sticky white stuff on me he... rubbed it on my belly and on my... down there...before he put my clothes on...I smelled like it so he said that I had to say that I knocked the coffee over and then he dumped his coffee on me." She shivered and brought her shoulders close to her ears. "It was cold...I was supposed to …. to do laundry but I don't know how... but... I just needed to get the stuff off...so I showered...I needed to get it off..."

Shelby could see that Rachel was starting to retreat into herself. "We need to stop."

"I agree," Elyse spoke up.

SHelby watched as Rachel began to cry. The girl looked at Jill. "I want to stop. I want my mom..."

She just wanted to hold her close. She wanted it to stop too.

…..

**I know this chapter is much shorter than usual and I promised a longer one. I apologize. I hope to have another chapter this length of longer up on Monday before I leave for a couple days. Again, I'm sorry, but I thought something was better than nothing. **

**Again, I apologize for the shortness lately. Hopefully, I'll bring this back up to snuff. Thank you all for your continuous support. I will do my best to make the next chapters better, longer, etc. Please let me know what you think. **


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

…..

NayaFan – Wow your review was fabulous! There are so many parts that I want to comment on but I don't have time because I need to get this latest chapter out before heading out of town for a couple of days. Thank you so much for your comments though – I really take them to heart. I didn't want to end the chapter there but I also want to get the chapter out so I thought that even though it wasn't my usual length I need to get it posted. Hopefully you will enjoy this one. Thanks again.

broadwaybound2016 – Don't worry Quinn will forgive Rachel it is just a lot to take right now for Quinn but she thinks of all the Corcorans as her siblings right now so that wont change. Rachel stepped it up this chapter and finally told but now she will have to deal with answering more questions and I am not sure how much she will be able to handle. Thanks for always reviewing.

Dave Green – Thanks for the review. Yes – Rachel finally did open up after that threat of separation was gone. But how much she is willing to share and how quickly she is willing to share it is another thing. They are all truly sisters now and they all will lean on each other a great deal but they all react differently so it will be a challenge. I don't think it will be an easy task for Shelby to physically care for Rachel and Quinn's wounds - #1 they are in delicate places and #2 for Quinn she has never had a mother figure care for her so Shelby could face quite a battle.

childstarLeaM – Thank you so much for your review. You may have to get the tissues ready for your watery eyes in this chapter as well.

Piper – Grammy Pierce was great for Quinn but yes she wasn't always around and there wasn't much she could do – the Fabrays were just considered strict parents from what people saw on the outside. So unfortunately Quinn suffered a great deal. Nothing is wrong with having a stuffed animal for comfort at any age! Thanks for the review.

M.U.L.E – Thanks for reviewing – I will try and answer all your questions without being too vague. Quinn was a pretty healthy child so aside from her check ups as a kid she didn't go to the doctors much and I am pretty sure they sent her to school while she was sick because they would not have taken care of her much. There was basically no punishment that Quinn didn't receive growing up from grounding, to extra chores, to spanking, to being sent to bed without dinner she received them all. Her name is not Lucy in this story – that storyline made no sense in the show so it is not in my story at all. I may consider a one shot but I have so much more of this story to write and the sequel has been in my head a lot so it would be so far down the road at this point I don't know – maybe.

amandaes417 – I will try and stop apologizing for the length of the chapters but sometimes I intend to go so much further with a chapter than I actually get to. But also sometimes when I finish a chapter and it is late at night (extremely late) I find myself extra apologetic. I am so happy you can see Rachel's regression because with this trauma she will regress and that is natural when something like this happens with someone. I think that we will have more Quinn flashbacks as her father's trial gets closer. And yes I do have a full time job which in the past couple of weeks has been very challenging and difficult and has been hitting too close to this story. Thanks so much for your continuing support – when I get the reviews it lifts me up so much and encourages me to continue on with the story.

JustHoldingOn – Thank you so much for your review. Quinn's lamb is very very special and Grammy was gone too soon from Quinn's life –but at least she will always have a piece of her with her. There were several reasons why Santana was not with Elyse but she had the trauma therapy in New York and from what the experts had told Shelby she had worked through a lot of it (obviously, not all) and was able to have a counselor that was not as specialized as Elyse, however, Shelby also felt that since Santana had advanced a little more than Rachel it might be better that the two of them not share a therapist either, so that is another reason why Santana had Julia. I try to put the lighter moments in because in real life there are lighter moments as well, I am glad you enjoy them. Santana is starting to grow and allow herself to show her feelings but that is all new to her as well so a change in therapist could help her share herself more with others. Shelby has to be a rock because I have a close friend of mine and I know that if even a small fraction of this happened to her son she would not be as strong as Shelby and Will, Hiram and Russell would already be dead by her hands if they touched her child. So yes Shelby is very strong. It is truly impressive that you left a review that long from your phone! Thank you.

Kitty – Rachel is finally talking! But she may clam up again but now that the threat is gone – the full story will come out. Even though Quinn's parents are horrible, they are still her parents and she will be longing for their love for most of her life. But with the love and support of her new family – she will learn to deal with it better and finally believe that it was never her fault. Thanks for the review.

Janie – Thank you – Nana does not take much of the kids nonsense and the kids know that but they still try to get away with things. Nana is a tremendous help to Shelby! Quinn trying to navigate with the cast will be a challenge and we will see somethings this chapter that she will not be doing so well. However she has so much emotional trauma and issues right now that the physical is secondary to her – sometimes she does not even feel her pain from her surgery and the car accident. She will though, I promise. I must have subconsciously needed a drink – sorry for the typo on the Captain name!

Iuterpi – This week could be a challenge for me and updating because I am going away without internet for 3 days but I will do my best to try and keep it one track. What Sue has them do is in this chapter I hope you like it - I think the kids like it. Santana needs a change of therapists because she has kept a lot in and now it is all coming to the surface again and she needs to have someone who can deal with her outbursts better – like she used to have in New York. But no one said it will be easy. Thanks for reviewing.

Drea LuRuiz – Sorry about blinding you. You may not want to read this one so late either and certainly do not listen to cry. You will have no tears left! Thank you for continuing to read and review – I am very grateful.

Stacia – Thank you so much. It feels weird to have a stalker and not be worried about it.

Anna – Those words are tough but they will get through it and hopefully this is one step forward but not too many steps back. Now that they have talked to police, we just need to catch him. Thanks for reading.

Cookie07 – There will be a Santana/Nana conversation however, I don't know how soon. As much as Santana wants to talk to Nana she is still very scared and has to work out so much before she works up the nerve to have that talk – even though – she has no idea how Nana will react or respond – it's the fear of the unknown and she is not ready to make that leap just yet. Some are not happy about Santana switching therapist only because it is a change and with everything going on will this one change they are worried if it is really necessary. Sue is in this chapter – I hope you like it. Thanks for the review.

Sally – We will see a little of Shelby taking care of the girls physical injuries – and they will both react similar but different – they cant get the stitches wet and Quinn definitely can't get the cast wet but she will use the I'm fine response which Shelby knows by now she is not. She will give Shelby a run for her money but Shelby has dealt with Santana in the past so even though Quinn is a challenge – my money is on Shelby. Thanks for the review.

sillystarshine – Thank you so much. I am glad you are enjoying the story. The reviews always put a smile on my face and encourage me to continue.

– There is more Santana in this chapter – no worries she will be in this story a lot and her relationship with Brittany will continuing. Thanks for reviewing.

Scout – Thank you so much. It amazes me how much people are enjoying my story. And when you tell me in reviews how much you like it or think about it, it makes me want to update as fast as possible – so thank you.

Ryoko05 – Thank you. Writing this story helps me get through some of the things that I have to deal with at work but sometimes it does get a little much so I can't get focused enough to get the chapter out that I want to put out. I am taking a couple of days this week and I wont have access to the internet so hopefully I will come back more focused and ready to crank out more chapters. I don't usually feel the pressures from the readers and reviewers because I pressure myself more but thank you for saying it.

Kimberlli – I am glad you want me and I always aim to please. Sue has a lot in store for these kids and it is done in typical Sue fashion. I hope you like it! Thanks for the review.

look4me – I do like to take the time to reply to my reviewers because you guys take the time to review my story and its my way of saying thank you. With the subject of Quinn being moved, I think it is clear now that she is staying with the Corcorans for the forseeable future. The reason she has trouble letting love it is because for 16 years – her whole life she has tried to do everything to feel the love from her very own family and it has never ever happened. It is all she knows. No matter what she has done – they have never shown her love. This is something she has learned as a baby so to have basic strangers do it to her unconditionally she does not understand it. Why would strangers love her if her own family doesn't. It is not a natural feeling for her. She has to be taught the behavior. It is truly amazing that Quinn can let anyone love her when she has been hearing she is worthless trash her whole life. She will learn but it will take time. You can undo 16 years of learned behavior in 2 months – right or wrong. She will continue to struggle however, the fact that each and every time she will learn that no matter what she does they will still love her will allow her to break down her walls and finally let love in. And even though Shelby will have to discipline her, ground her and scold her, she will still be loving her all the way through. Thank you for your review.

Renata – They will not be taking Quinn away from the Corcorans. She is there to stay but they still have to ask the questions and make sure everyone is progressing correctly. They will struggle but with the family support they will do fine. Rachel and Shelby and Quinn and Shelby will all be having the talk about the birds and the bees. There is confusion for both of these girls because of what happened to them and eventually Rachel and Quinn will correct the misconception about how and why Quinn got pregnant. I hope you enjoy NY and you are lucky enough to see Lea because she is there right now and I think so are you! Congrats if you do! Enjoy your trip and thanks for your many reviews.

alopez208 – Quinn and Santana are going to become closer and they will be acting like true sisters – lots of love, but lots of bickering too. Thanks for the review.

marinka4 – Yes Rachel did talk and it is a step in the right direction. Now we just have to get Will caught. Thanks for reviewing.

NinjaGleek21 – 5 cookies! Wow – you must be hot on his trail – where is he? Is he lurking? Lets see if we get him in this chapter!

piecesofyourheart – There is already tiny little pieces of healing for this family but they have so much further to go. They will get there but there will be pain beforehand. Thanks for continuing to read,

A C one – I know that I am pretty hard on myself. I just want to make sure that I put the best out there. Quinn's interview is pretty traumatic but there is a lot that Quinn doesn't say she hasn't really been able to open up about herself and when she does the flood gates will open. Thanks for reviewing.

SuzQQ – In the eyes of the Corcorans and Berrys Quinn is already a true member of this family. The state has already moved forward to sever rights with the Fabrays but that doesn't mean that this is an easy solution for Quinn. She has lost everything she has ever known even though it was horrible it was hers and now after 16 years she is being told – never again. That's a lot to take. So it has to be done as gently and as professionally as it can be. As with most siblings they will have their ups and downs but the sisters will remain strong. Quinn and Santana will talk to Suzy but you have to remember they have no idea that she may or may not be a victim and their kid sister was abused by this guy so they may go in with their guns drawn until they realize that maybe Suzy suffered too. You will see who knows what about Mr. Schue in this chapter. Thanks so much for your review.

TommyH – Thank you!

lovecanbesostrange – I will do my best and stop apologizing I know I got carried away in that chapter. But it was late and I felt badly because that is not where I wanted to end the chapter. I want to thank you for understanding what Quinn is going through. She is upset even though she is losing her sucky family because at least it was hers. It doesn't make sense to most of us why you want to stay in an abusive relationship but it is her mom and her dad and they are the ones that are supposed to love you the most in this world. It is truly very complex. Elyse bringing up about Quinn leaving is only as a check and reassurance that Quinn is with the Corcorans for the long haul. Any removal or replacement of Quinn would be detrimental at this point to her progress and Rachel's progress. It is not going to happen but the state has to check. They know that this is the best place for her. Rachel will have a sex talk with Shelby and Elyse. They will try and explain the difference because right now Rachel is just so confused. They will also speak Quinn regarding sex because she has some misconceptions of her own as well. I will reassure you that this family is not going to be split up at all. There will be challenges but they will not split them up. There are more Brittany and Santana moments coming trust me. Brittany is much smarter in my story than the show and I am beside myself that she is not graduating on the show. But don't get me started with that – Again thanks for reviewing.

**Sorry again for the short chapter but it's the tale end of what I wanted to have last chapter. Please let me know what you think. **

Chapter 37

Quinn watched as Bear came out of the interview room with Rachel in his arms. She was crying and clinging to him. Shelby followed close behind. The blonde felt her heart in her chest as Rachel looked over at her with big eyes and reached out. Quinn stood up. She didn't want to touch her. She wanted to, but she couldn't.

"I'm ready."

"Quinn, we can -"

"I said, 'I'm ready,'" she pressed.

"Okay, I can take you in."

Quinn looked back one more at Rachel and then followed the woman into a calmly painted room. She took a seat and looked at her eagerly, ready to leave already.

"Okay, ask me questions," Quinn said quickly.

"Can you tell me what happened that day?"

"I skipped something and got a ride back to school and wanted to speak with Mr. Schuester. We knew something happened with Rachel." She was speaking rapidly, but with ease. "So...I just had this feeling in my gut and I wanted to talk to him. When I arrived at the room it was a mess and I saw Rachel's jacket there and I asked him what he did to Rachel."

"What did he say?"

"He didn't answer. He was buttoning his shirt so I asked him if he was changing and he said something about coffee." She shook her head a tiny bit. "I had this feeling in my stomach. So I looked around the room and went into his office. Her underwear was back there and there was blood on the carpet."

"Then what happened?"

"I flipped out on him and got in his face and asked him where Rachel is. He didn't answer so I told him to watch out and I left."

There was silence that settled upon the room.

"He just let you leave?"

Quinn looked Jill straight in the eyes and nodded.

"It says here you have some bruising." She watched the woman's blue eyes. They were almost silver, like glass.

She looked away and looked at the ground. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Jill took a deep breath. "He's been watching you too, Quinn. It wasn't just Rachel. He more than likely knows a lot more about you than you think. Did he say anything to you? Use it against you?"

Quinn stared at the woman's shoes as she pretended to concentrate on the carpet pattern. She heard his voice in her head from that day.

_"I heard all about the fun you and Daddy had...You're going to ruin that family. You already have. Rachel's so damaged and they're going to look at you as the cause of that. They'll split the whole family up if you tell anyone. I won't tell anyone about this if you give me what I want. I can't ruin everything for you. You must keep this quiet. You owe me now. You owe me for silence...I will fuck you like your Daddy did...You're a woman. I can't wait to feel you. Rachel struggled and cried too much and didn't even get wet...You like it rough, huh?...I can give you rough...Bend over like the slut you are." _

She shook her head. This wasn't about her.

She looked up and stared at the woman with the gray eyes. "I will tell you what I know about Rachel. He did nothing to me."

"Quinn," Jill said calmly. "How did you get the bruises on your arm? Did he try to do something?"

Shelby looked at Quinn from the other side of the glass. Rachel was in a room with Joey and she hadn't spoken since. She watched Quinn carefully.

"Answer her," Shelby whispered. Quinn couldn't hear her or see her, but she wasn't moving."Come on, Q-bear. You can do this," she muttered.

"Quinn, something happened in that room with just you and Will after Rachel left. There was a handprint bruise on your upper arm, and you didn't seem surprised or even shocked with what I just told you." Jill lowered her gaze to meet Quinn.

She shook her head. "I told you what you need to know to catch him. You don't need to know anything more-"

"That's not true," she said clearly. "What happened?"

Quinn scowled and shook her head.

"Come on, honey," Shelby said from the other side of the window.

She watched as the young girl traced her green cast. "He just... Nothing..." She caught Jill's eyes and then looked over at the one-way mirror. "Who's behind there?"

"I'm not sure," Jill said honestly.

"Just don't tell Shelby okay?" Quinn shook her head. "I'm sure she's with Rach... but..." Quinn ran her tongue along the inside of her teeth. "He was... He tried to scare me, but I hit him with a... music stand..."

"Scare you how?"

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "Just... I …"

"We can take a break, Quinn," Jill offered.

"No," she said sharply. "I need …. Rachel needs to go home and she needs to feel safe. I can't be taking breaks with you." Quinn frowned at her as if what the woman was asking was unreasonable. She shook her head and tightened her jaw. "He thought he knew me. He thought..." She met Jill's gaze. "I'm not a slut."

"I didn't say you were," Jill said carefully.

Shelby shook her head on the other side of the glass.

"What he said and did doesn't matter," she hissed.

"It does, Quinn," Jill said gently. "Because what he said was wrong."

Quinn pushed the table roughly, causing the noise to echo through the room. "No it's not!"

Jill took a breath. "What happened?"

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "He tried to have sex with me. Is that what you want to hear?"she said haughtily. She didn't know Shelby caught her breath in her chest on the other side of the window. "But he didn't! You know why? Because I am bigger and stronger. Rachel couldn't fight him because she's too little. Her underwear was underneath his desk. There was blood on the carpet! Stop asking me these stupid questions and go find him!"

The room stood still.

Finally Jill spoke. "He tried to have sex with you?"

"God!" Quinn yelled. "Are you listening to me? Do you hear me?" She waved her arms.

Jill put her hands up in surrender. "Let's take a break, Quinn," she said softly.

"I don't want to take a break! I told you-"

"Quinn." That was a new voice.

She looked over her shoulder. Shelby was standing there with a soft smile. She approached her and held out her hand. "Let's take a break."

"No," she whimpered feeling the roughness of her cast again. "Rachel needs to go home. She needs you," she said quietly to the tile floor as if it cared. She looked back at Jill. Her sweatshirt rose and fell with her strained breaths. "He knew about my father... He... knew what he did... what we did..." Quinn licked her lips and tried to catch the stray tears, but they fell to the floor. "He didn't do anything besides …. say things... and push me up against the wall..." She looked up at Shelby tearfully. "I swear."

Shelby nodded and pulled Quinn into her arms. "Okay. I believe you."

Quinn felt the wall of bravery collapse and turn into tears. She remembered that her body hurt. She remembered that the state was forcing her mother to give her up. She remembered that the whole damn town was whispering about what happened behind closed doors at the Fabray house. She remembered her little girl. She remembered she didn't get there in time for Rachel. She released a sob into Shelby's shoulder.

"I fought back," she sobbed. "Rachel couldn't fight back."

Shelby pulled her close knowing that Quinn wasn't just talking about Rachel. She was talking about the little girl that still existed inside of her that couldn't fight back.

…...

"Are you sure you know how to drive this? Is this safe?" Brittany asked.

She, Noah and Santana were in the back of van without windows.

"Yeah, Coach Sylvester-Sue-Sir, this feels kinda illegal... like you're about to go sell us on the black market for our good looks," Noah said looking around.

"Don't flatter yourself, baseball," Sue replied.

"It's Puck," he said heavily.

"Whatever," she muttered as she made another turn. "The roadkill on your head is distracting me. I've tried to run over that dead animal three times already and have gotten us off track."

Santana looked over at Brittany with a slight smile. Brittany laughed. "Coach, he can't help it."

The blonde leaned over and squeezed her hand letting her cheek graze Santana's. The darker girl blushed.

Santana was trying her best to be in the car, but she kept thinking about Rachel and Quinn. She wasn't there. She felt a squeeze on her hand again. She looked up and Brittany was staring back at her. This was the next best thing, right?

The car slowed and pulled into a parking space.

"Where are we?"

"Open the door, lazy, I'm not your chauffeur," Sue snapped as she climbed out.

Noah looked at the girls and arched a brow. He opened the door with ease. Hay fields.

"Did you bring us out here to shoot us and feed us to the cows?" he asked as he climbed out.

"No, I feed the cows more quality ingredients," Sue said again. "Thing 1, Thing 2, I'm not going to wait all day."

Santana scoffed and climbed out. "Does that make you The Cat in the Hat?"

"Out," Sue said.

Santana crossed her arms and rounded the back. She frowned at what she saw.

"Are you kidding?" she asked shooting Sue a glare.

"Hey," someone called. She looked over her shoulder and pushed her tongue into the side of her cheek. What was going on? She felt a pressure in her shoes as she watched Sophia , Lys, Dani, Kelly, and Maribel approach followed by Mike and Sam.

She looked at Brittany with a slight panic. She couldn't do this. She couldn't be here with her friends doing this here.

"Hey," Sophia said pulling Santana into a hug that the girl received stiffly. "Where's Quinn?"

Santana watched the group interact. She felt far away. She could tell that they hadn't seen each other in a long time.

"How's your vacation?"

"Great! You?"

"This will be fun."

"Do you think we're doing teams?"

"But really, where's Quinn?"

"Yeah, is she okay?"

"Man, did you hear about Schuester?"

"Wait, is she okay?"

"Yeah, the last time we saw her-"

"Right the... the baby..."

"Is she okay?"

"I heard there was an accident at the five corners. It wasn't her was it?"

"Quinn's doing-" Noah said

"She's with Mom," Santana suddenly said in a voice that was practically yelling. The group looked at her. She shook her head. "She had to do something."

She gripped her hand around Noah's arm and yanked him from the group.

"What?" he asked looked at her incredulously.

Santana put up her hands. "I … I can't do this." She shook her head.

"Why did you lie?" Noah asked. "They're our friends. I don't want them to talk or to have to guess, San."

"Noah," she hissed. "I can't do this right now." She waved her hand around them. "Look around. We are in the middle of nowhere. She brought us to a PAINTBALL FIELD! I'm not going to run around pretending everything is okay!"

"Okay," he whispered. "Okay." He pulled her into a hug. "Calm down," he whispered. "They're okay. They're with Mom. Okay?"

"I can't be here, Noah," she whispered. "I get why she's doing this. I get why Mom said okay... but … " she shook her head into her brother's chest. "I can't."

She shifted her gaze as she leaned against her brother. Brittany was talking to the group. She felt a release in her chest.

"You can tell them, Noah," she said quietly. "I just...I can't."

"You can," he whispered.

"Hey," Brittany said coming over. "You okay?"

Santana pulled away and shook her head. "I want to go home. I need to go home."

The blonde took her hand and nodded for Noah to leave. She watched the boy retreat.

"If it were switched, what would you want?"

"What?" Santana asked with a frown.

"They want you to clear your head," she continued. "I know you don't want to. I know you want to be there, but you can't." She squeezed her hand. "If you laugh it doesn't hurt them."

She shook her head and looked on the ground. "That's not the point."

"You're tense right now. You just screamed at everyone-"

"It wasn't a -"

Brittany arched her brow and shook her head. "You need to relax and you know it. You're just afraid that you're going to miss something. But what are your alternatives?"

"Brittany," she began. "I can't just run around shooting balls of paint at people."

"Of course you can," the blonde laughed. "This is competition. You love competition. You own competition." She took a deep breath. "You want them to be your focus when you get home. Well, they won't if you're still holding up your anger about being here now."

"Go suit up with the others, Brittany," Sue said coming behind them.

Brittany looked at the coach for a moment and then put her hand tenderly on Santana's cheek. "See you in there."

Sue watched the group filter into the arena before she turned back to the brunette.

"I know you don't want to be here," Sue began in an unusually tender tone.

"I know you don't," Sue said carefully. "However, I get that you're so mad. I know you."

"Bull," Santana snapped. "You're my coach. You don't know me."

"I know you care so much about your family that you forget about yourself. I know you as a fighter and a leader, Santana."

"I don't need your pep talk," she hissed.

"Clearly, you do." Sue sighed. "What are your alternatives here, Santana? I know you're pissed. I see it in your face, the way you walk. They way you talk to people. You have a right to be pissed. So go out there and leave it out there." Santana looked at her with a frown. "You can be pissed. I want you to be pissed here."

Santana gave a sigh and looked at the woman. She wasn't one for giving in.

"You're competitive, San," Sue said with a chuckle. She turned and pointed toward the set up. "Look at all of this. You can dominate this game." The blonde coach shrugged. "Unless you think it's better for you to go home and be pissed. Has that worked for you?"

Santana shook her head and folded arms. Did she know about her anger? The broken lamps?

"Sit in the van and have people talk or get rid of some of that anger and take over this game like I know you can." She sighed and started to walk away. "It's up to you."

Santana shook her head and watched her retreat.

Brittany walked over with two guns. "I can't believe our parents agreed we could come out here and shoot people." She let her smile faded. "You okay?"

She shook her head. "I've wanted to tell you a million times."

Brittany looked at her with surprise. "What?"

Santana looked at her blue eyes. She frowned. People always told her to start at the beginning. She had told this story a million times, but some how staring at Brittany she couldn't find the words but the memory seeped into her memory.

_Santana watched from the floor of the coffee table as she colored. Noah was at football practice. Her mother had been gone for two days and it was already two days too long. She watched Papa Hiram pacing in the kitchen. She didn't like him and she wouldn't call him Papa. _

"_Sanny?" _

_She looked up and Rachel was sitting was sitting across from her. _

"_What?" _

_She couldn't wait for Rachel to be older. Rachel was two. She was barely two and half. Rachel would play her games, but she wasn't good at playing Powerpuff Girls. Rachel held out the telephone. _

"_Play telephone?" she asked. _

_Santana sighed. "We're coloring, Rach." _

_Rachel frowned and shook her head. "Nuh uh. Telephone." _

_Santana rolled her eyes. "Fine." She put her hand up to her ear like a pretend phone as Rachel used the actual one. "Hello? Is Rachel there?" _

"_Yes," the toddler nodded. _

_Hiram started to yell in the kitchen into the phone. Santana saw Rachel jump. She reached for the remote for the television and turned up the volume. She gave Rachel a smile. "Miss Rachel, this is the Easter Bunny." _

_Rachel frowned. "The Easter Bunny can call?" _

_Santana nodded. "Of course. How do you think he orders candy?" _

"_Turn that damn television down!" he yelled. _

_Santana frowned. and stood up and moved toward Rachel. _

"_You're scaring her," she said haughtily. _

"_I don't care!" he screamed and threw a punch through an air. "Are you still there? Hello?" He threw his phone across the room. "Damn it!" _

"_Sanny, I want Daddy."_

_The eight year old frowned and watched the man stalk into the room. _

"_God DAMN it, Santana!" he screamed. "I told you about that damn television!" _

_She grabbed the phone from Rachel. She dialed a number and brought the phone to her ear. _

_He strode over to Santana causing her to drop the phone. She looked at Rachel. "Take the phone, Rach," she hissed. _

_He lifted the girl by the arm and shook her. "When I tell you to do something, you do it!" _

_Santana frowned. "You were scaring her!" _

"_You can't tell me what to do! You're not my dad!" _

_He squeezed her arm tighter causing her to scream. Santana looked over her shoulder quickly and saw Rachel talking on the phone. _

"_Yes, I am!" he hissed, emphasizing each word. He pulled her to him as he sat in the lounge chair. He threw her over his lap and pulled down her pants and underwear. _

"_Let me up!" she screamed as she kicked and screamed. "No!" _

_He brought his hand down on her bare bottom repeatedly. She screamed and tried to get up. When his strength was up, he looked down at her reddened behind. He was breathing heavily and Santana was still sobbing. He pulled her up by the arm so she was facing him. _

"_You listen to me! You hear me?" He shook her. _

_Santana let out a whimper and nodded. _

"_Answer me!" _

_She steeled her jaw and glared at him. "Yes," she hissed with her tears still streaming down her face. _

_He hauled her to the corner. "Stand there until I tell you otherwise!" he screamed. He shot a look over at Rachel and paused at the door. Santana felt her heart freeze from the corner, unsure of what the man's next move would be. She turned slightly and watched him pause and look at Rachel. _

_Santana felt everything stop. What was he going to do? She had never been hit before. She wasn't going to let Rachel experience the same thing. _

_She let out a shaky breath as she watched him shake his head and slam his hand against the wall. "Damn it! "Stay there, Santana! Don't talk to her, Rachel!" He left the room. _

_She let out a sigh of relief and looked back over at Rachel who stood up and walked toward her. The two year old looked up at her with teary eyes. "Here," she whispered._

_Santana took the phone. "Santana?" the woman on the other end asked. _

"_Y-y-yes?" Santana asked pulling her pants up with a whimper and then wiped Rachel's tears with her hand. Her breaths were hitching in her chest. "Shhh," she hushed. _

"_Santana, your sister called 911. I need you girls to stay on the line. Are you okay?" _

"_No," she responded. _

Santana returned to the present. She looked at Brittany. She felt her head spinning. She had thought about that a lot. That first time. That first time that he snapped. However, in that moment she felt a like she was crumbling. She couldn't do this. Not yet at least.

"About me..." she whispered. "But … I..."

"Don't have to do anything until you're ready," Brittany said gently. She gave her a smile. "Okay?" Santana looked at the ground. "San?"

She shook her head. "I need to be there."

"I know you do, San" she whispered. "But you can't. And you know you can't either." She shrugged. "At least come watch."

"There's just ten of us. Who's on who's team?" Brittany smiled wide. "What?" Santana asked unable to control her own smile.

Brittany pointed to the other cars. "We're getting more Cheerios and football players for our team. Sue rented out this whole place." She leaned forward and took her hand. "Sanny, we're playing the Christ Crusaders and the hockey players."

Santana chuckled. "Isn't that against teacher etiquette?"

Brittany shook her head. "Apparently, the teacher who oversees the Christ Crusaders and the hockey coach think that this is a healthy way for us to get us our frustrations out and get along again."

The brunette looked at the ground. Brittany's hand came into view. "Come on." She shrugged. "Just try it, okay?"

Santana looked at her hand. She took a deep breath. "Fine." Brittany handed her a paintball gun. "One condition."

The blonde looked over at her. "Anything."

Santana arched her brow. "Ruth Marks is mine."

She sighed. She needed to focus. Sue was right. She would never admit that, but she would at least admit to herself. She wasn't going to be angry at home. She heard Rachel's voice in her head. _"You might hit someone if you come." _That's how Rachel saw her: violent, uncontrollable of her emotions. She took a deep breath. She had to do this.

…...

Quinn looked at the floor. The tiles were clean. They were almost shiny. Tiny, linoleum tiles, she repeated in her head. She was left with the shiny tiles and a sniffling eleven year old and a worrisome aunt. Every noise seemed to echo in the room. Shelby had said she would be back and then they would go home. How long ago was that?

She turned next to her and Rachel's sniffle began hitched in her chest again like a hiccup that was swallowed. She couldn't be in this room anymore. She traced her cast. She remembered that her body was aching, but she was noticing it was less. However, she wouldn't tell if it was the adrenaline or not. She stood up. She just needed to move.

"Where are you going?" Joey asked.

She looked over her shoulder and Rachel was sitting there quietly. "To the bathroom."

She watched as Joey looked down at Rachel and the Nalgene the girl had been toying in her hands. Since Shelby filled it when they left and there was about sixteen ounces gone. She looked over at her Nalgene and felt Joey's eyes on her and took a drink. She had had enough kidney infections to know that she would have been drinking.

"Rachel," Joey said causing the girl to jump slightly before she looked up. "Let's try to go to the bathroom."

Rachel shook her head. "I don't need to go," she whispered.

"We need to try, Bug. Plus we need to go with Quinn," Joey said gently.

Rachel bit her lip. "I'm fine. I'll go with Quinn but I don't need to go."

"I'll go in with you, Rach," Joey said holding out her hand. "Super quick."

Rachel took her hand and they walked down the hallway. Quinn went to the restroom, but uncomfortably with one hand because she couldn't get her cast wet. She wanted to get out of the restroom because hearing Rachel whimper in the stall next to her was almost too much. She needed to be somewhere else. She needed to block it out. Nevertheless, she could still hear Rachel and Joey talking in the far stall.

"Rachel, honey, you need to finish up," Joey said.

"I'm finished," she said above a whisper.

"No, you're not, Rach. You need to keep yourself clean," Joey said with a whisper, but was still loud enough for Quinn to hear from the sink. "I know you're hurting, Rach..."

She couldn't listen to this.

"I'm uh... I'm gonna wait outside..." She heard herself say. She let her feet take her out of the room

"Quinn stay by the door and keep it open. We'll be right out," Joey called out to her.

Quinn looked behind her briefly. She nodded and allowed herself to lean against the wall in the hallway. She was tired. She never in her life thought that she would want to go and curl up in the Corcoran living room but she did. She spotted Michael walk into the center but he didn't see her. He went straight into a room.

She frowned. What was going on?

She followed down the hallway for a huge combination of reasons but the one at the forefront was a distraction. Michael had closed the door almost completely shut but it didn't click into place.

"...Their confessions are solid enough..."

"So arrest him. I don't understand why he hasn't been brought it..."

"That's the issue then?"

"This issue is that we've looked. We have a warrant. We have checked. We can't find him."

"Well, who says he's still in the area?"

"He has followed Rachel for years in the least... and Quinn, too. Obsessions like that don't just don't go away. If he's left town which I doubt, he'll be back. He just needs to be drawn out."

There was a silence. Quinn leaned in more to hear but realized no one was saying anything.

"I'm sorry, are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting," Quinn heard Shelby ask in a very unhappy voice.

"Shelby, he feels the need to be in control. If we set up the situation, we can keep them safe and -"

"My kids are NOT being used as bait! Damn it! How can you suggest that?" She practically screamed. "My kids are not bait!"

"Shelby," Captain Marshall said carefully. "We would monitor. We have looked everywhere. While this is a small town, we think someone might be hiding him. There are girls coming forward too, Shelby. Other victims. We need to catch him."

"That's right," Shelby shot back. "You do need to catch him. My children will not be used as pawns though!"

Quinn pushed the door and opened it slightly. The police were that desperate to catch him? Rachel couldn't do that. Her mind raced, but she could. She could go to the park and draw him out.

"Captain, Shelby is right. These girls can't take this," Bear interrupted.

Quinn frowned. She could take this. She could.

"I'll do it," she said coming into the room.

Shelby looked at her with wide eyes. "Absolutely not!"

"No, please let me do this! I can do this!" Quinn said with desperation in her voice.

Quinn's adrenaline was pumping too much for her to see Shelby's furious and shocked face or Joey come up behind her with Rachel in tow.

"I'm sorry, Shelby," Joey said. "Come on Quinn."

"No," the blonde said moving away.

"Enough, Quinn," Shelby said sternly. "Enough," she said with soft gaze and turned to the investigation team. "Enough. I'm taking my kids home. Figure something else out."

Shelby ushered Quinn out of the room. "Let's go home." They began to walk down the hallway. "I know that you think that this is the right thing, Quinn, but it's not. We'll talk about this more at home."

The blonde looked at the ground. "Great."

They walked out the front door.

"Shelby!" Bear called behind them.

Quinn stopped when the family stopped. Rachel was standing in front of her. She didn't think the girl could become more withdrawn but she was right. She watched the back of Rachel's head and felt a strange pang of jealousy. Rachel was able to fall back and be babied and retreat. The blonde frowned. What did she fall back on?

She heard a small gasp that brought her out of her stupor. She stared at the back of Rachel's head.

"Rach?"

Joey and Shelby looked up behind them.

"Rachel?"

Quinn followed her gaze.

"Oh my God," she whispered.

"Quinn?"

Joey, Bear, and Shelby looked up.

There was Will Schuester, setting flowers on the Range Rover.

Quinn could hear chaos behind her. However, it was blurred. She watched as Will look at Rachel and smiled. She then watched as his gaze shifted to Quinn. She was going to kill him. She was going to kill him right there in the parking lot with her bare hands. Her adrenaline carried her, raced her to the bottom of the steps.

"Quinn!"

She felt arms snake around her middle, gently. Her heart rate settled. She could feel a burning pain in her body. She had moved too fast. She watched as officers raced past her. She wanted to kill him. She never felt so defeated. She was exhausted. Seeing him she wanted to kill him, but also seeing him brought so many feelings to the surface that she felt paralyzed. She screamed at him. She felt someone hold her back, trying to sooth her. She looked over her shoulder and watched as Shelby carried Rachel back into the center. She looked back towards the Range Rover. A group of officers were racing to catch him. She watched in slow motion as he was tackled to the ground. She watched as Suzy Pepper was removed from the driver's seat of the car he was running towards. She was his get away?

Everything moved in slow motion. He was caught.

"Joey! Get her inside now!" Bear scolded

Quinn felt herself being pulled inside but she wasn't there. It just didn't seem real. She watched as Bear stormed past her and grabbed Will by the shoulders, reeling back and punching him in the face. Quinn caught a glimmer of satisfaction in Will's eyes, a smile of victory.

"You son of a bitch!" He brought his fist back again. "You sick son of a bitch!"

Quinn looked over her shoulder. The door swung open long enough for her to watch the Captain run and pry Bear off. She didn't see anymore because the door slammed shut, but still it didn't seem real.

…..

Shelby picked Rachel up and brought her back in. She could feel a dampness in Rachel's sweatpants. She gave a soft sigh. She carried her to a room that usually was used to take patients in when they were first received. She knew that there were extra clothes. She looked up and saw a familiar nurse spot them and give her a nod of understanding. She motioned for Shelby to take a seat and the nurse grabbed a change of pants and underwear. Shelby rocked Rachel gently in her arms. She wasn't moving. She wasn't talking. She could hear her breaths were hitched but nothing else.

"Honey, let's get you changed. Would you like to do it yourself?" Shelby asked as she gently put her hands on Rachel's ribs to pull her away. Rachel held on tight. She hugged the girl back.

"Okay," she whispered.

She looked up and there was a woman on the phone.

"Yes... he's here. They're arresting him now. I was told to call for backup... Yes..."

Shelby watched them. At least they didn't have to call 911. She wrapped her arms around Rachel. At least Rachel didn't have to call 911.

_Shelby was led into the station. She had just gotten her children back. She was settling into a sense of normalcy. She was accepting this new path of life. The police officers that had led the investigation asked her to come down to the station. She walked in and ADA was there as well as the chief of police. _

"_What can I do for you?" she asked sitting down heavily. _

"_We need you to verify the voices on the this 911 recording," she said simply. _

"_The 911 call that the girls made? I thought that was clearly them." _

_The ADA looked at her and sighed. "We're going to talk to you about it in court tomorrow. You were certain that Leroy was going to leave Hiram if he heard this?"_

"_Yes and he never left the children alone with him after that. You said that," Shelby frowned. "There's so many things in our favor. I don't understand why I need to be here for this."_

"_Because, we need you to hear this now. Talk to us about it. It's hard to listen to and we don't want the first time you hear this to be in court." _

_Shelby shook her head. "Fine." _

_The tape started to play. _

"_**9-1-1 What's your emergency?" The dispatcher asked. **_

"_**..." There were muffled sounds on the other end. **_

"_**Hello?" The woman asked. **_

"_**...Hello?" Rachel's voice echoed through the speakers. **__Shelby felt her breath hitch. Rachel sounded so little and scared. _

"_**My name is Olivia. Honey, where is Mommy? Are you okay?"**_

_**There was a far off scream in the background. "When I tell you to do something, you do it!" Shelby recognized that voice from anywhere. That was Hiram. She could hear Santana struggling in the background. **_

"_**Honey, I need you to stay on the line okay? What's your name?" **_

"_**Rachel," she said quietly. **_

_**There were movements and screaming in the background.**_

"_**You were scaring her!" Santana screamed from far away. "You can't tell me what to do! You're not my dad!" **_

"_**Yes, I am!" Hiram yelled back, his voice also distant. **_

"_**Rachel, what's going on?" The dispatcher asked. **_

"_**He's hurting Sanny," she said with a little sob. **_

"_**Who's Sanny, Rachel?" The calm dispatcher asked. **_

"_**My big sister. I want Daddy." She started to cry. **_

_Shelby swallowed the lump in her throat imagining her girls being so frightened. _

"_**It's okay, sweetie. Who's hurting Sanny?" Olivia asked. **_

"_**Papa." Rachel sniffled. **_

"_**Let me up!" Santana screamed in the background. "No!" **_

_**Slapping could be heard in the background. **__Shelby's eyes went wide. The room froze. _

"_**I'm sending someone over, Rachel. How old are you?" **_

"_**Two." **_

"_**Where's Mommy?" **_

"_**Singin' in a plane," Rachel said with a hiccuped sob. "I want Daddy." **_

_**The slaps in the background were continuing. **_

"_**Go get Daddy, Rachel." **_

"_**Not here..." **_

"_**Who's hurting Sanny?" **_

"_**Papa." **_

_**The dispatcher paused. **_

"_**Rachel, are papa and daddy both there?" **_

"_**No," she whimpered. "I want my daddy. Please get Daddy. Papa hurting Sanny." **_

_Shelby could hear her baby girl crying and her other daughter sobbing in pain. Her own cheeks were soaked with tears_

"_**You listen to me! You hear me?" A man screamed in the background. **_

"_**What's happening, Rachel?" Olivia asked. **_

"_**He stopped. He yelling." **_

"_**Answer me!" Hiram's voice bellowed in the background. **_

_**There were a few moments of frozen pause. **_

"_**Stand there until I tell you otherwise!" he screamed. **_

"_**Rachel?" The dispatcher asked. "Rachel? Are you still there?" **_

_**There was no answer. **Shelby felt her breath catch in her chest. _

_**Finally he screamed and there was a slam of something. "Damn it! "Stay there, Santana! Don't talk to her, Rachel!" **_

"_**He gone." **_

"_**Rachel? Is Santana okay? Is she awake?"**_

"_**She's sad. Where's my Daddy?" **_

"_**Can I talk to Sanny?" **_

_**There was shuffling and long pauses. **_

"_**Santana?" Olivia asked. **_

"_**Y-y-yes?" Santana asked pulling her pants up with a whimper and then wiped Rachel's tears with her free hand. Her breaths were hitching in her chest. "Shhh," she hushed. **_

"_**Santana, your sister called 911. I need you girls to stay on the line. Are you okay?" **_

"_**No," she responded.**_

_Shelby looked up. "That's him." She wiped her tears. "That's definitely him."_

She was pulled out of the memory when Rachel let out a little whimper. She looked and she was holding Rachel and reaching down to begin removing her underwear.

"No," Rachel whimpered.

Shelby took a deep breath. "Rachel, look at me you can do it all by yourself. At your own time."

Rachel nodded and bit her lip. "I just wanna go home."

"We will, Rach. We need to get you dressed and you and we'll get you and Q-bear home."

She brushed her hair out of her face.

Rachel tilted her head. "Does she know you call her that?"

Shelby laughed. "No. Why?"

"Because I don't think she'll like it," Rachel replied.

"Why not?"

"Because it's too cute." she said simply.

…...

Noah waved to the hockey players as they walked away.

"That's what you get!" he yelled at them as they retreated.

"That was awesome," Mike said coming up next to him with Sam at his side.

Noah chuckled. "Damn straight it was."

A silence settled over him as he watched Santana talk with the other cheerleaders as she gripped onto Brittany's hand.

"There are a lot of rumors going around, man," Mike said as he leaned against the car.

He frowned. "Like what?"

"About Schuester and Quinn...and the accident … " Sam said.

Mike nodded. "There are girls... freshman, sophomores, juniors and even seniors saying that he touched them too." Mike frowned. "My kid sister at the elementary school said that there are kids there coming forward."

"He didn't hurt Quinn. Quinn got her away from him," Noah said quietly.

Mike and Sam exchanged looks. "Who?"

"Rachel," he muttered. "There was an accident at the five corners. That was Quinn and Rach..."

Mike stared and Noah, trying to figure out what to say.

"It was my car," he finished. He shook his head. "I don't know...I just know that I can't do anything."

"That's not true, Puck."

Noah shook his head and folded his arms across his chest.

"I can't do anything here," he started again.

"Noah, you're the man. You can do anything," Sam said with a laugh.

The mohawked boy looked at him. "I've been meaning to talk to you." He stared hard at the blond boy. "Why the hell did my sister call you to pick her up?"

There was awkward silence.

"He means Quinn, Sam," Mike said understanding the language.

Sam nodded. "Oh, well... she just called me."

"And why did she have your number?"

"We're friends." Sam looked at the two seniors. "She just needed a ride. Okay?' He shook his head. "If Quinn Fabray asks for a ride, you give it to her."

"And then you tell me," Noah said with a frown. "Got it?" Sam nodded. "She wasn't supposed to be there, Sam. You don't know what's going on. It was a good thing she was though, but you tell me."

Sam nodded. "Sure..." he said quietly.

"Good."

Another silence blanketed them. "Do you like her?"

"What?...No! … I don't know... what?"

"Don't..." Noah said. "Back off. She doesn't need that right now."

Sam looked at the ground, but didn't respond.

He frowned. "Did San even play?" he asked looking at Santana. "She and Britt don't have any pain on them..."

Mike laugh. "Oh yeah, they played."

Sam smiled. "They killed that girl."

"Which girl?" Noah asked.

"That one," Sam said pointing to a girl who's coveralls were completely painted. Couldn't even see white. She was screaming at her team who was also covered.

"Is that Ruth Marks?"

Mike nodded. "Look at her hair! It'll take forever to get that paint out."

Sam shrugged. "Whatever. That girl's nutso."

"I need to do something, but we needs to be a secret."

"Okay..."

"How do you boys feel about a trip to New York?"

Santana watched her brother carefully. He was coming up with something. Something that wasn't good.

"That was kinda fun, huh?"

She turned to see Brittany next to her. "Yeah... It wasn't bad."

"Did it work?" the blond asked. Santana frowned at her questioningly. She went on. "Is your mind less distracted?"

"Yeah..." she shrugged. "IT's clear. She frowned as she thought more about the day and what she missed. "We should go." She looked at one of the older cheerleader's watches still attached to their write. "They'll be home soon." She looked over at her brother. "Come on! Let's go!"

Noah straightened and looked at the boys. "Think about it. It would be the best secret mission. You wouldn't know what hit ya." He nodded and walked backwards looking at them.

"What is he talking about?" Sam asked.

"I don't know," Mike replied. "But we're not going to let him do it alone that's for sure."

…**..**

Shelby climbed out of the car and watched with a heavy heart as Rachel jumped in the backseat when the garage door closed. Quinn stepped out of the car on her own and headed into the house. Joey had lent her the Prius so that they could do forensic testing on the Range Rover. They had ended up staying there for less than an hour. It was pretty easy to arrest him.

Quinn had been quiet.

"Stay downstairs, please," she called out to the girl. She was pretty sure she heard a mumble of some kind. She turned to Rachel. "Come on, Bug. Let's get you back in bed. We can watch a movie or something."

The girl shook her head.

"Use your words, Bug," Shelby said hoping this wasn't heading in the direction that she thought.

Rachel hadn't said much since the station. Exhaustion was splashed all over her face as it aged her features with confusion.

"I want Sanny," she whispered.

Shelby looked at her for a moment. There it was.

"She's inside, Rachel," she said when she found her voice. Shelby reached over and unbuckled the girl when she saw she wasn't moving. "Come on, bug."

She wrapped her arms around Shelby's neck. "Are you mad?" she whispered into her ear.

"Not mad at all, sweetheart." Shelby looked at her gently. "Rachel, you need to get out of the car."

She shook her head. "No."

"Come on, bugs," she said gently hoping that this wouldn't turn into an issue.

"I can't," Rachel whispered.

"What?"

Rachel looked at her hands. Shelby could see she was shaking.

"Rach, let's go inside. Okay?"

She looked up at her with her big eyes. She began to cry. "I can't."

**Sorry again that this is so short. I am leaving tonight but will be back late Wednesday night. Short trip, but needed. **

**Please let me know if you hate this. I'm trying not to make it drag, but there are so many pieces that I feel as if need to be here. Thank you all for your continuous support. Again, more Santana and Noah to come. Don't worry the change from Julia to Elyse for Santana will be explained. Trust me. However, any more questions or concerns or a need for spoilers just let me know and I'll do my best to answer you. **

**Thank you again. **


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Iuterpi – Thank you for saying that. I am always concerned. Puck's decision to go to NY is not going to look good to everyone though so he needs to really think about it. Quinn was brace and Rachel was her motivation but Quinn needs to think about helping Quinn if she is ever going to get better. Paintball was fun and Quinn is going to be upset but she will have to get better first both physically and mentally before she can do some things. Thank you for continuing to read and review the story.

GracieSunset- Well thank you for being obsessed and loving my story. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. Thanks for the review.

amandaes417 – Yes you are correct Rachel will regress but hopefully the regression won't be too far because she is in therapy currently and she has all of her family there with her, but unfortunately she will regress. Only Sue could come up with a wonderful idea of paintball and I am sure before these weeks are out she will think of more wonderful things for them to get their anger out. Thanks for reviewing.

Janie – Thank you for saying that because sometimes I try to move the story along and I get caught up with some details that I think are needed so thank you for saying that the timing is ok. The cast is very frustrating for Quinn and she will need help – the question is will she ask for it? Rachel can't get out of the car because she is regressing and just wants Santana. Q- bear is a nice add but wait until Quinn hears it. Not sure she is going to like it either. Thanks for the review.

Anon 2.0 – they saw him get caught but it is not the end of it. Thanks for the review.

A C one – Hopefully Rachel wont regress that much but she is regressing – thanks for reviewing my story.

Harley – Jackie will be told about Judy. Quinn and Rachel have been severely traumatized and threatened so what people think is the normal time that they should talk you have to consider that one was brutally abused as a baby and the other was brutally abused just 3 months ago both by family members. Trust is very very hard for these girls. Thanks for your review.

Anon – Thank you – I didn't really get into Fran giving Quinn punishments but I can tell you that she got Quinn in more than her fair share of trouble so Quinn received punishments based on what Frannie told people.

Renata – I am so glad you saw Lea! That is awesome. Wow and you saw Dianna and Cory too. What a great trip for you! Suzy Pepper is a victim you are correct but she has been manipulated by Mr. Shue for a while now so it will take some time for her to stop defending him. The girls will be intense therapy to get those voices out of their heads. Santana got her revenge on Ruth but going back to school could bring a new bunch of issues. Thanks as always for reviewing.

Stace – My trip was good but short – thanks for asking. It is very frustrating sometimes because it would make life so much easier if they all talked, however, with Quinn – talking has never gotten her anywhere so that is not going to happen, Rachel was too scared to lose something that she desperately needs and Santana is more about action than talking. Noah you will see in this chapter also has held a lot in and its not good but they are kids and that's what a lot of kids do so it is not unusual.

Ellybelly07 – Turning tables started it for me and gave me ideas – I liked the story and the concept. I am glad you found my story though. There are many more chapters left to this story I can't give you a figure because sometimes the chapters just take on a life of their own when I start to write them. But I have thought of doing a sequel so I don't have answers to your questions yet. My intentions though are to see all the kids face their tragedies and move on and be productive and Shelby to be happy once again. Thanks for the review.

broadwaybound2016 – If you liked how much of a mom Shelby was being to Quinn in the last chapter I think you will love this one even more. Thanks for reviewing.

StormHallow88 – Quinn loves Rachel like a sister and a sister she never had so it will only grow more and more. Santana has started to let Brittany in and is finding out that it doesn't hurt as much to let people in. Thanks for your input. It makes my day!

SuzyPepper – Santana and Quinn will help Rachel but they need to help themselves as well. Rachel is slowing shutting some people out so she will have to open back up again to continue healing and talking to the rest of the family that loves her so so much. Thanks for the review.

alopez208 – This chapter is another emotional rollercoaster. Get the tissues ready some of this made me cry. Thanks for the review.

Abbie – Puck is definitely planning to travel to see Hiram – will he make it? That's the question. He didn't really turn himself in – he just was beyond cocky that he could get away with it. It was his own stupidity that caused him to get caught. But I don't think this is the end of him and his evil ways. Thanks for the review.

Cookie07 – a friend of mine told me that it is a call that no mother would ever want to hear. It was a tough write too. Sue does love all these kids but she cant show it the way other people do because she is Sue. Noah is up to no good – will he be stopped is the question. San will be getting more therapy for her anger. She needs it and you will see this chapter. Thanks for your support.

Piper – It is truly a terrible thing for any mother to hear. Shelby is incredibly strong! Rachel will have the support and love of her family it will be tough but she will pull through. Thanks for the review they are always welcome.

look4me – Shelby loves Quinn like her own and Quinn will see it more this chapter. Noah does see Quinn like his sister now and he will be the big brother she never had – she may not want it at times but she now has it forever. The Corcorans are a mixed race. I never really said what exactly but I always pictured Idina and Taye Diggs as Shelby and Leroy. So the kids are light skinned some darker than others. The nurse knew that Shelby was the mother because of the hospital records and situation not by looking at her. We shall see if Shelby adopts Quinn – she has to get through the trial first. Charges will be brought against Judy as well but she most likely will not be held in jail like Russell because of the nature of the charges – hers are not as serious – even though it is abuse. It doesn't mean though that when she finally goes to trial for assaulted Quinn she wont get jail time. Don't worry I never mind answering the reviewers questions. I love them! Thanks for reviewing.

M.U.L.E – Quinn did do extra curricular activities especially when she was older because her parents did not want her just hanging around the house. They did not attend anything that she did and certainly never ever told her that they were proud of her. They may have bragged about her at the club to other members but it was only to make themselves look better. The weekends for Quinn were not that good because she was busy doing chores then church and she basically had no break unless they were so drunk or at the club where they did not have to deal with her. Quinn is going to struggle a bit fitting in to the Corcoran style but having a mom like Shelby she will be ok. Thanks for the review.

SuzQQ – I am glad you like the pace. Paintball was needed for this crew though. Aggression with some fun added it was needed for them. Quinn isn't ready for any type of relationship yet whether it be Sam or someone else, she has to love herself first and foremost and she is not there yet. Rachel will regress but keeping it to a minimum is what everyone will try and do. Noah and San's reaction is in this chapter and will continue so hold on. As always thanks for your review.

Dave Green – Rachel couldn't get out of the car because basically she did not want to move. She was shutting down and she wanted Santana it was nothing physical. Thank you so much for the review and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Brittana100 – I think this chapter is sadder so get the tissues. No Brittana in this chapter but trust me it is coming – it is a focus of this story as well. Thanks for reviewing.

Shauna – Don't apologize for not reviewing I know people are busy but I do love the reviews! He did get caught but will he remain in custody we shall see. Will has been watching Rachel for a long time – longer than Quinn I think that will come out during the trial. Hiram and Judy do suck big time. Shelby has and will continue to have a strong support system. Thank you so much for your kind words. If I knew how to stop abuse from happening I would do it in a heartbeat. We can only look for signs and hope we catch them when we can.

NinjaGleek21 – So many cookies ! Thank you so much – sorry I didn't torture him too much for you but its not over so …..

sillystarshine - Yes we did catch but he is slimy and sneaky so it's far from over. Thanks for reviewing.

lovecanbesostrange – Wow I absolutely loved your review. You brought up so many points. I loved reading the detail you put into the reviews. Quinn is going to have to face her demons soon and right now they all can see that she is addressing some of her issues by doing it through helping Rachel – that's a start but she needs to work on it or she will be stuck. Thank you for telling me it is not dragged out because sometimes when writing the chapters I notice that we have barely moved out of the same day and I always wonder if my readers are telling me to pick it up. So thank you again for the positive reinforcement that the pace is ok. We will see soon what Noah has going on in his head. He feels so badly that he just needs to do something. As always thanks for the review.

Ryoko05 – Shelby knows that Rachel asking for only Santana is a sign of her regression and frankly as much as Santana would do anything for Rachel it would not be good for Santana either. So Shelby being the mom has to be the one that steps in now and stops it before it gets worse. Giving in now would do more damage. She was waiting and expecting Rachel to regress that is all that pause meant. You and a lot of people vote Nay on Noah going to NY but I am not sure that will stop him. If Quinn had been healthier I think she would have gotten a lot closer to Will – thankfully that didn't happen because it wouldn't have been pretty. Thanks for the review.

marinka4 Just a warning we are not done with Will yet so hold on. Santana needs to keep working out her aggression so paint ball was just the answer. Thanks for the review.

Drea LuRuiz – My trip was short but fun thanks for asking! If you cried at that chapter then you will cry for this one too. Get the tissues – thanks for the review.

TommyH – More Sue in the next couple of chapters too – they need her to work out their anger. Thanks for reviewing.

Kimberlli – Please send audio next time of the sound that you made, I would love to hear it. Yes one can request spoilers but do you really want them? Thanks for the review – I hope you like.

OTHangels – Hope you like this chapter. Thank you !

**A/N: this chapter was supposed to be long (as always) however, I'm moving to a new apt tonight. so I knew I wouldn't be able to post as least until Thursday night. Therefore, I thought something was better than nothing. Please let me know what you think. Thank you for the endless support. **

Shelby looked at Rachel in the back seat. She felt stuck in that stage of panic that she radiated through her when she first got the kids back. It was the feeling where she not only dreaded but expected with open arms: She waited for the moment that her children pulled away from her and turn to each other not just because of trust but because of instinctive necessity. Everyone else had let them down; all they had was each other. She had spent eight years trying to rebuild that. She knew that Rachel was reverting back to her instincts, forcing Shelby to reinforce the the foundation that she didn't realize was weak.

She went around to the other side.

"Mom!" Rachel sobbed, reaching out to her.

"Rach, I'm right here," she said gently as she climbed into the back seat. She looked at the girl. She kissed her on the top of the head and Rachel leaned into her side as she wrapped her arm around the crying body. "Sweetheart, you cannot stay in the car."

"I don't want to," she cried. "I just..." She shook her head and looked up at her mother with big tears. "I'm sorry."

Shelby pulled her towards her. "You have nothing to be sorry about, Rach. Let's go inside."

She shook her head frantically. "No," she whispered into her chest. "I want Sanny."

Shelby sighed. Her eldest daughter was forced into that role years ago. She hoped some day that they would see why she didn't give into Rachel's request. She wasn't willing to give into that. She was the parent and Santana wasn't; simple as that. It wasn't about being the good guy or the bad guy. It was that she was a mother and Santana wasn't. She needed to preserve the last piece of innocence Santana had left. Yes, they needed each other, but they were reverting back to their instincts.

"Bug, San is inside, but -"

"Please, Mom?" Rachel asked. "I... I... just need her."

"And you have her, Rach. She's in the house, Rachel, eating lunch. Let's go join her." Shelby knew there could be a slew of reasons why Rachel didn't want to get out of the car, the simplest being that she didn't literally want to move forward. All she could do was stay still.

"Rachel," Shelby said again in an even tone. "We can't stay in here. Come on. I know you're scared, but Mommy is right here and we'll be okay." Shelby climbed out of the car and held out her hand. "Come on, bug."

Rachel shook her head frantically. "I want Sanny."

Shelby watched as her youngest looked down at her hands and started to heave. She shook her head. Shelby watched her wanting desperately to know what was going on in her young mind and wishing that she wasn't stuck in that room with two different men who had turned her life into a struggle, but knowing that was exactly where she was.

Shelby had to deal with several parents who asked her frequently why their children did the things that they did. Rarely, did she have an answer. Professionally, she was comfortable. However, sitting in the back of the Prius with Rachel in a state of panic, she couldn't stop her mind from searching for an answer. She always told her parents that children felt the same way as adults. It was the expression that was typically different, but, sometimes there were no explanations. They just did what they did because of instinct.

Shelby wrapped her arms around Rachel, reminding herself to be in this moment instead of trying to solve the problem.

"Mom?" a voice interrupted her thoughts.

Shelby looked up behind her and Santana stood hesitantly in the doorway from the mud room. She could barely see her because part of the living room furniture was blocking what used to be the spare space in the garage. She watched as Santana looked with wide eyes at Rachel. She opened her mouth trying to form words. Shelby heard her mother come to the doorway, attempting to beckon Santana back inside. She leaned closer to Rachel.

"Bug, I'll be right back." Rachel shook her head and Shelby took her small hand. "I'm right here." She looked over her shoulder towards Santana and in a soft and gentle voice she said, "Go back inside and check on Quinn."

Santana looked at her briefly and then looked back at Rachel. "She's ..um... She uh..." she finally realized she was stuttering. "She grabbed a blanket and she's laying in the corner...She's crying... but not loudly... just... her eyes..."

Shelby took a deep breath and gave Santana a soft smile. "Go back inside," she said, spotting her mother at the door again. "Get the bed ready okay, for you and Rach and then help Nana with dinner."

Santana looked at Rachel, haunted by what once was and its return.

"Santana," Shelby said again. "We'll be right in."

The girl nodded and disappeared with her grandmother back into the house. "We're going inside, honey."

Rachel let out a small whimper. Shelby reached down and took Rachel in her arms. The girl instinctively wrapped herself around her mother but sobbed quietly. "I …. I... I'm sorry."

"I know," Shelby whispered as she closed the door and carried her youngest into the house.

Noah saw her and walked to her. "Want me to take her?" He was waiting in the mudroom for them.

"No, it's okay," Shelby said softly. "In the trunk of the Prius is my bag. Can you grab it and lock up the car?"

Noah nodded and disappeared from sight. Shelby went into the family room with Rachel in her arms. Her mother approached her with her arms out to take her. Shelby shook her head, signalling that she had things under control. She knelt by Quinn with Rachel still in her arms, silently thanking her trainer for all of the squats she was forced to do. Rachel gripped onto her tighter. Shelby rubbed her back soothingly and hushed her.

"Quinn, you'll rest in a bit. You need to shower, eat and then sleep." The blonde didn't look up at her at all. Shelby's own tears began to cloud her vision, "Be right back, Quinn."

Shelby stood up with Rachel still in her arms. Santana leaned over and kissed the girl softly on the temple. Rachel let out a tiny whimper, but didn't pull away. Shelby carried Rachel up the stairs and into her master bathroom. Noah emerged with her bag and Shelby gave her son a nod as he headed back out, his eyes lingered on Rachel. He set a nightgown on the large sink counter after a few moments. The mother felt a pang in her heart about how her son knew exactly what Rachel needed.

"Ma, do you need anything else," he asked quietly.

"No, bud," she said with a soft smile. "Thank you."

She watched as her son exited the room. She turned to Rachel and set her gently on the closed toilet. "Rach-"

"I want Sanny, Mumma." Rachel shook her head.

"I know, bug, but we need to clean you up. Okay? Then you can go downstairs and snuggle with Sanny." She gave a sigh and looked at her exhausted child. "I know you're hurting, honey. I'm going to help you, okay?" Shelby's heart broke as Rachel began to cry softly. "Rachel, you need to shower. I am taking off your shirt." Shelby glided her sweatshirt off. Her incision sites were still raw and red around the bandage. There were scratches still on the front of her body and marks where he had held her down. She slowly removed her shoes and socks and then guided Rachel to standing. "I'm going to take off your bottoms okay?" Rachel whimpered as the sweat pants and underwear they received from the center were removed. Shelby felt a pang in her chest as she looked at Rachel's bruised underside. "Rachel, I need you to sit on the shower seat and Mommy will be super quick." She gave a tiny nod. Shelby reached over and turned on the water. She peeled off her jeans and t-shirt and wrapped her arms around Rachel and brought her into the shower. Rachel let out a small sob when the water hit. "Shhh," Shelby whispered. "Really quick." As she washed Rachel's hair, Rachel didn't look at her, her eyes trained down. She barely moved. Even though the water fell around them, Shelby could still see she was crying.

Shelby looked at her as she rinsed out the last of the shampoo, searching for a response. her heart ached deeper in her chest as she washed her daughter's exhausted, bruised and worn form. She removed the bandage over the incision site slowly, bracing herself for another cry. There was nothing but a muffled whimper. She knew she needed to wrap up. The silence was killing her. Shelby didn't realize that she missed the sobs, but she missed them. Turning off the water she grabbed her robe and tied her own body in it. She wrapped Rachel's large pink towel around her and kissed her softly on the head as she climbed out. She carried her across the hall and into Rachel's bedroom. She turned to run back to the bathroom to get the paper bag that she retrieved earlier and her son was standing at the door waiting to give it to her. His eyes glazed in shock and anguish at Rachel sitting on the bed wrapped in a towel.

Shelby put her hand gently on his cheek to bring his attention to her. "Thanks. We'll be right out okay?"

Noah nodded idly as Shelby took the bag. She retrieved the nightgown Noah had picked out for Rachel to wear and gently put it on her. She opened the paper bag and pulled out the cream and applicator and a clean bandage and ointment for her incision. The child didn't move as Shelby dried the incision site and put on the ointment and new bandage. She put the items aside and pulled the applicator from the package. It was be uncomfortable at first but it would insert the cream that would help heal and sooth Rachel's internal discomfort and pain. Rachel's eyes widened at the sight of it, remembering when the doctor put it in at the hospital. Shelby hated herself for being grateful that something got a reaction from the girl.

"No," Rachel whimpered beginning to cry again and shake her head. "I don't need that."

"Honey, it'll make you feel better and it'll help it heal. Lay down please."

Rachel conceded but did so with a small cry. The door opened slightly. Shelby turned at the noise and saw George sticking in, being held by her son's hand.

"I... uh... um..." he stuttered from behind the door.

She smiled and went to the door. "Thank you, sweetheart," she said gently. She looked at her son with gratitude as she took the stuffed animal and closed the door. She offered the stuffed animal to her daughter and Rachel clung onto the monkey desperately. Shelby talked her through the process as she inserted the cream's applicator. Rachel let out the loudest sob yet. "I know, baby bug," she said to Rachel's soft cries and whimper. "I know. Mommy's right here. You're doing so well. We're almost done." Shelby finished and helped her sit up, grabbing from the bag her last supplies. "You have a choice," she said softly, pulling Rachel into her arms. Her big eyes looked at her questioningly as she gripped her monkey. Shelby wiped her tears. "I know that stuff is a bit sticky and you won't like it, but it needs to be there to help you heal. You can wear a pad and a pair of your own underwear or you can wear a Pull-Up." Rachel pointed to Shelby's hand that had the underwear. She helped Rachel into the last of the clothes and pulled her into a gentle hug.

She gave Rachel a wide smile. "You did fantastic, Rachel," Shelby smiled. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Rachel muttered into her shoulder, still clenching onto the bear. "Mumma, it's wet. I don't like it."

"I know, sweetie," she muttered. "We'll keep it as dry as we can, but you have to give it a chance to absorb. Let's go find Sanny."

Shelby guided Rachel into the hallway. She saw Noah standing in the hallway. He was leaning, exhausted against the doorframe but stood straighter once he saw them. Rachel walked gingerly over to him and lifted her arms as he simultaneously held his to lift her.

"Watch her left side, Noah-"

"I got it, Ma," he said as they descended down the stairs.

Santana was waiting impatiently in the family room next to Quinn who looked as if she could be inside of the wall itself she would be. The brunette's eyes widened. Shelby watched as she whispered something to the blonde before she stood up.

"Give her to me," she said in a forceful whisper to her brother as Rachel reached out to her.

"Mom, try to feed her something please and then she and Santana need to lay down," Shelby said to Helen

"Rach?" Santana asked as she rubbed her sister's back. "You wanna eat something?"

Shelby watched as her mother disappeared with Santana and Rachel around the corner and into the kitchen. She walked to the blonde form in the corner. "Quinn?"

"Go away," she said into the blanket.

"I will after we're finished. Come on." Shelby took a breath and knelt down next to her. "Either you walk upstairs with me or I carry you up. Your choice."

Quinn narrowed her eyes. Not for Shelby, but her body. She didn't remember the last time that she took a shower. The days were never ending. She braced the wall as she slowly stood. A hand reached out to her. She looked up slowly and Noah was looking down at her.

"Go away," she hissed.

Noah took a step back.

Shelby looked at her son and said, "Thank you." Quinn struggled to stand, but stood herself. "If you would like to help-You can go grab a shower yourself or a bite to eat-"

"I want to help," he said quickly.

"You can make Quinn's bed," she said signalling to the blankets on the floor.

"I'm not getting into that damn bed," the blonde groaned under her breath as she held onto the banister of the stairs.

"We'll see," Shelby said as she wrapped her arms around Quinn's waist and guided her up the stairs.

"I can do it!" she spat.

"You can't. You're hurt. I'm not letting go." Shelby held Quinn and they made their ways upstairs.

It took five minutes but they were finally in Shelby's master bathroom. It was a trip that typically took seconds. Shelby turned on the water in the shower and grabbed the paper bag from the hospital and pulled out a cast bag.

"What's that?" Quinn asked.

"It's a bag for your cast," Shelby said simply taking Quinn's fingers of her casted hand and putting the bag on. "I'll be in here to help you, but I'll give you your privacy." She took a deep breath finishing up with the bag. "When Santana broke her arm it was very hard for her to wash her hair. If you would like you can wash yourself and then we can wash your hair in the sink.-"

"I'll be fine," she said quietly.

"Alright," Shelby sighed. "I'll let you get in and I'm going to change myself." They looked down at her damp robe. "I'm going to come back in though. We need to get you in bed."

"I'm fine."

"You're not, but we aren't going to argue. I'll be right back. You best be in that shower when I get back," Shelby said disappearing into her bedroom.

Shelby returned to the restroom dressed in yoga pants and a NYU t-shirt. the large shower door was blurred naturally with the pattern.

"Quinn?"

"I'm fine," she spat from the other side. "Go deal with Rachel."

Shelby leaned against the sink. "I'm not 'dealing' with anyone, Quinn. Right now I am with you. Would you like some help?" She could see the blonde through the blurred glass gripping the bottle of shampoo.

"No."

She sighed and folded her arms. "Don't forget to take off the bandage. We'll change it when you come out."

Shelby winced as she heard Quinn rip the bandage off. Even though the tape was wet from the shower, it still stuck to the skin.

"Quinn?"

She heard the girl grunting in frustration.

"Quinn?"

"God damn it!" There was a bang and a fall from inside the shower.

"Quinn?"

"I can't open this stupid bottle!" She banged the bottle again. "Damn! Damn it! Damn it!"

"Quinn," Shelby said. "I'm coming in."

"No!"

"I can't," she whispered. "I can't do this."

Shelby opened the door. "Quinn," she said quietly.

The girl was leaning against the wall with her head in her free hand and her casted hand banging against the wall.

"Fuck!" she whimpered.

"Quinn, I'm going to help you," she said quietly. She slipped off her flip flops and grabbed a towel before she climbed into the shower.

She watched with a heavy heart as Quinn slipped to the floor of the shower. "I can't do this." She sobbed. She continued to bang her cast on the ground. She slowed and the sobs increased. "I can't do this."

Shelby felt the water hit her back as she wrapped the towel around the girl her. "I'm going to wash your hair, Quinn."

Quinn gripped onto the towel as Shelby guided her down to the seat.

Shelby looked at her. They were in another silence. She washed Quinn's hair carefully. She felt the blonde look up at her as she rinsed her off.

"You're still wearing clothes," she whispered.

Shelby smiled. "It's alright. I have others."

"I need you to be upset with me," Quinn whispered.

"What?" Shelby asked as she rinsed out the rest of the soap and turned off the shower. She reached out and grabbed a dry towel to replace Quinn's dry one.

She turned around and stepped out of the shower as Quinn rewrapped herself.

"I need you to be mad at me," Quinn said again.

"Why?"

"Because," Quinn replied stepping warily out of the shower. "Just... because."

"Someday I might be mad at a choice you make. However, I'll always love you," Shelby said simply handing her clothes that she retrieved earlier when she changed.

"I …. I don't … I need you to be mad," Quinn said. She looked at her and

"I'm always going to love you, Quinn. For you not because of anything that you do or don't do but because of you," She said sitting next to her.

Quinn looked at her and scoffed. "You keep saying this crap and …" She shook her head. "I left her with him."

"You didn't know," Shelby said. "I didn't."

She looked at the ground. "I want... I need you to be mad at me."

Shelby narrowed her eyes and pulled Quinn closer to her. "I'm not. Not about Rachel not about your family. Not at you in any way."

Quinn let herself lean against her. "I …. I... I know I've been terrible to you," she whispered.

"Quinn, you don't have to -"

"I do," Quinn pleaded. "I've been terrible... and all this with... my mom and... Rachel..."

"Sweetheart-"

"I've... I've been terrible...I've told you that I don't need you," she whispered. She looked up at her. "I lied, " she said heavily. "I'm... I'm not …. I'm a terrible person."

"You're not," Shelby said softly.

"I'm going to make you mad and I... I need you to be mad," she whispered, searching her eyes.

"Like I said," Shelby said quietly. "I might be but I will still love you."

Quinn looked at the ground. "You keep saying that-"

"And I mean it," she said hugging her.

"I... I... I don't know if I can handle letting you go," she whispered. "I want you so so much...everytime …. I heard you. But I'm scared..."

"I know,Quinn."

The blonde shook her head. "You don't." She leaned into Shelby. "You don't know how much I wanted this..."

Shelby wrapped her arms around her tighter. Quinn laughed and shook her head. "Do you know...There are so many things that you ask for... You can't ask for hugs." She scoffed. "Except Rachel." She leaned against Shelby. "I read books... Lots of them and watched movies and television shows... I think that's how I knew what was missing." She looked up at her with tear filled eyes. "I need... I can't have you walk away..." The tears fell. "I need you …." She shook her head. "But I can't... I can't lose you... this..." She wiped her tears and sat up. "So I need you to promise me that you'll be mad at me."

Shelby turned and faced her. She cupped her young face. "I will love you forever. I won't stop. I will probably be upset with you." She laughed and wiped her new tears with her thumbs. "You'll mess up, Quinn. I don't expect you to be perfect. If you do something-" Shelby giggled. "-Like I don't know... break a classmate's nose, for instance." Quinn gave a tiny smile. "You'll be grounded. I might punish you and make you write lines or a paper or do extra chore. Just like the other kids." She shrugged. "You'll grow to hate it just like San and Noah, but I will never leave you."

"Someday you might," Quinn whispered. "And I ….." she looked in her eyes. "I won't survive it."

Shelby kissed her softly on the forehead. "Some day," she whispered pulling her close. "Someday I might die. And it'll hurt." She gave Quinn a smile as she began to cry again. "And still on that day, I will always be with you, but that's not for a very, very long time." She kissed away Quinn's tears. "I'll never leave you, Quinn. And I can guarantee that I'll never stop loving you." She smiled and pulled her close. "You are brave, incredible, smart and extraordinary and I promise you that you'll never have to ask for a hug."

Quinn leaned against Shelby, silently. She bit her bottom lip. "Thank you," she whispered. "For loving me."

"It was one of the easiest things in the world," Shelby whispered.

"I'm really not an easy person to love," Quinn whispered.

Shelby laughed. "I don't expect you to be nor do you need to be."

Quinn opened her mouth to say something as if she was searching for another reason.

"Honey, you need to rest," Shelby whispered. "Let's redress your wounds, get something in your nonexistent belly and back in bed."

"I can't sleep in that bed," she whispered.

"Nothing will hurt you here," Shelby said brushing her wet hair.

"It's not about that," she whispered. "I just can't." She looked up at her. "You know that."

"I'll lay with you until you fall asleep," she said quietly. "The drugs will help you sleep." She kissed Quinn again on the top of her head. "Thank you for letting me love you."

Quinn leaned into her. "No problem."

…..

Santana stroked Rachel's hair out of her face. Her mother had brought Quinn downstairs about thirty minutes ago. Quinn at least looked at her and said a small hello when she came down with Shelby. Rachel would barely let go of Santana. She sat in Santana's lap the whole time and didn't say a word. Rachel leaned back against Santana and shook her hand. The older girl looked up and saw her brother standing there with his arms folded. He was watching them, trying to figure out what happened. Quinn was nursing the soup and Ensure that Nana offered but barely.

"Bug, the sooner you finish this up the sooner that you and Sanny can lay down," Helen said.

"Yeah," Santana smiled. "We can watch Mary Poppins."

Rachel shook her head. Santana looked down and Rachel still was biting the tip of her finger; it was being bit by the side of her teeth. Santana looked up and saw her mother sigh. "You need to eat something for the medication or it'll make you sick," Shelby said.

"I got it," Santana said quietly grabbing an orange and the plate of soup and crackers. "We'll make a deal, bug. If you eat a bite, I'll eat a bite. Kay? You love this soup." She smiled and rested her forehead on Rachel's. "You know I don't. Okay?" Rachel gave a small smile.

Shelby watched as the girls ate. Joey walked in the back door as Rachel took a bite and Santana took a bite. Santana felt Rachel jump in her arms. "Shhh," Santana whispered as she took another bite of cracker.

Quinn pushed the soup away and started to stand to rinse out the bowl. Helen took it. "Thank you, ma'am," she said politely.

Helen, Shelby and Joey exchanged a look. Santana watched as Shelby gave Rachel and Quinn some pills and the whole family moved towards the living room.

"Let's get into bed. We can take a nap before Elyse comes before dinner," Shelby said casually.

Rachel looked at Santana and shook her head.

Quinn stood carefully and whispered to Shelby, but Santana could still hear. "Just for Rach, right? Because of what happened?"

Shelby just sighed and said, "Let's focus on sleeping please. I don't want either you back in the hospital again."

Quinn shook her head. "Neither do we."

Santana took a deep breath and laid next to Rachel. The girl barely let Santana stand up. She caught her mother looking at her. Rachel clinging had been hard when she was three years old and it hadn't gotten any easier.

"Come on, bug," she whispered leading her over to the bed in the family room. "I'm tired, too. Sue ran us wild today." Rachel scooted back and leaned into Santana's chest.

Santana watched as her mother wrapped her arms around Quinn in the adjacent bed and whisper things in her ear. Noah handed Rachel George. Santana wrapped her arm around her and Rachel gripped onto her shirt with one hand and her stuffed animal in the other. There was something in both her and Quinn's eyes. Something had happened. She needed to know but Rachel wasn't talking and she wasn't going to push her. She hadn't seen her silent like this since New York when she first saw her again.

_Santana looked at the door. _

"_Is she here?" she asked the lady again. _

"_Not yet," she said gently. _

_The door buzzed. _

_Santana shot up. "That's her! I know it!" _

_She may be eight years old, but she knew that this would fix things. Noah was at his new foster home and she was here. She was going to be here with Rachel Rachel needed her and she was going to run... Santana rethought. Rachel could never really run. Her legs were short and it was more like a waddle, but not completely. However, she and Noah used to watch her all the time and wait for her to fall but she never did. Rachel would waddle to her. She would be so excited to see her; she was Sanny. _

_The first buzzing door opened and Santana spotted Natalie holding her tiny baby sister in her arms on her hip. ._

"_That's her! That's Rachel!" Santana said with a smile. She ran to the door and waited impatiently for it open. _

_The second door buzzed open and Natalie came into the room. _

"_Rachel! Rachel! Rachel!" Santana said. "Give her to me," she demanded and held out her arms. _

_The lady she was talking to ushered Santana back into the room that they prepared for her. "Let's take her back." _

_Santana led them back to the baby wing. Well... not the baby baby wing, but the wing where two and three year olds stayed. _

"_Rachel, this is your room. See your name is on the door," Santana pointed to the door. "See?" She smiled and pointed to the sign. "I told them you like stars and music and they put stars and music notes on it. See?" _

_She looked at Rachel. Her eyes were tired. Her yellow pacifier was in her mouth. She was wearing a pink polka dotted shirt and jeans, but not the big kid jeans, the ones with elastic. Her smile faded as she looked at Rachel's eyes. They were big and worried and scared. Her own smiled faded. _

"_What's wrong?" Santana looked at Natalie. "What's wrong with her?" _

"_She's in a new place, Santana," she responded. "She's getting used to things, okay? Let's get her settled." _

"_Where are her things?" she asked looking around Natalie. _

_Natalie took a deep breath. "She doesn't have anything except what she has now and -" _

_Rachel suddenly reached out to Santana from Natalie's arms. _

"_Hold on there, kiddo," said Natalie, pulling Rachel gently on her hip. "Santana, if you're going to hold her you need to sit on the bed. She's still weak from the surgeries so you can't move around very much just like you did when you over at the hospital seeing her." _

"_I remember," she said quickly. The lady at the door gave her look. "I know I'm sorry." _

_She climbed onto the bed and Rachel reached over to her from Natalie's arms for her. _

"_She wants me. I can make her happy," Santana said holding out her arms. "Come here, bug." _

"_Careful," the lady said from the door as Rachel crawled into Santana's arms. The tiny girl sat in Santana's lap and leaned back against her. _

"_You wanna take our your binkie and talk to me?" Santana asked as she leaned against Rachel's headboard of her tiny bed and Rachel leaned against her chest. _

_Rachel leaned against Santana and looked up at her and shook her head. _

"_What's wrong?" Santana asked Natalie. _

_"She had a long morning, Santana," Natalie said sitting down at the bed adjacent to them. "She probably just wants to stay with you." _

"_What happened?" she asked, holding Rachel tighter. _

"_Just spend time with her, Santana," the lady said. "We need to bring you back to your group at naptime."_

"_I can stay with her." _

"_Your group doesn't do naps," she said with an amused smile. "Rachel's does. She'll need to join her group for dinner." _

_Santana hated doing things with the group but that's how the place was set up. She was in a stupid group called the tiggers, Rachel's group was in the piglets and when Noah was here he was in the kangas. She hated groups. She just want to be with Rachel and that was it. _

_She combed her hand through Rachel's hair just like she remembered her mother doing to her. _

"_Talk to me, Bug," she whispered. "You're okay." _

_Rachel shook her head. Santana frowned and looked at Natalie with a glare. "What did you do to her?" she hissed covering Rachel's ears. "What did you do?" _

_Rachel shook her head and looked up at her. _

"_Bug, give me your binkie and talk to me," she whispered. Rachel shook her head and moved around in Santana's lap. The lady at the door reached her hands up as if she could have stopped Rachel from wrapping her arms around Santana's neck. So what if Santana still had her cast from her broken arm. She was still strong enough to hold her baby sister. Someone explained to her that it wasn't the cast but that Rachel was still fragile. Santana didn't understand why that mattered. She knew how to be gentle with Rachel. She felt as Rachel continued to shake her head. Santana rubbed her back. She whispered. "What's wrong? I'm right here, Rach." _

_Santana scooted down on the bed with Rachel in her arms. _

"_Santana, be gentle," the lady said. _

"_I know," she whispered. She laid next to Rachel and Rachel tucked herself into Santana's chest and gripped onto the front of Santana's shirt. The older girl pulled her closer. Rachel pulled something from her pocket with her free hand. "What do you have there, bug?" Santana watched as the tiny palm opened and there was a plastic beaded bracelet. Santana sighed. "You keep 'em, bug." _

_She narrowed her eyes and looked at the women at the door. "I'll stay here until you fall asleep, okay?" _

_Rachel gripped her shirt harder and looked up around her pacifier at Santana. "I'm right here." _

Santana rested her cheek on Rachel's forehead. She could feel the heat of her skin against her own. Rachel had been that way when Santana first saw her at the shelter because they did an internal pelvic exam and no one was there. They had strapped her down to a table and put her little legs in stirrups and the only people there to hold her tiny toddler body were doctors, nurses and Natalie. It was because of that exam that Rachel didn't talk for two and half days. She couldn't go back to that. She couldn't hold Rachel while she didn't speak for two and a half days again. She would but she didn't want to have to.

She watched as her mother stood from where Quinn slept soundly and her brother follow her into the kitchen where her aunt and grandmother still sat. She heard Rachel breathing heavily. She gently extracted herself from her and walked into the kitchen.

She put her hands on her hips. "What the hell happened?" she hissed.

Shelby signed. "Let's go into the study." She looked at her sister. "Joe, will you sit with them?"

Joey nodded and Shelby led her children and mother into the study.

"What happened?" Santana said again.

Shelby leaned against the desk after she closed the door. "They gave their testimonies. And it was... it was hard for everyone." She shook her head. "Rachel and Quinn did the best they could. Quinn's was straightforward...once she started talking..." She sighed and tried to take a deep breath, but it got hitched in her chest. "Quinn did go to him. She barely missed Rachel and he attacked Quinn-"

"But she didn't say...," Santana said shaking her head frantically.

"Quinn got away," Shelby sighed. "She um... she hit him with a music stand." Shelby folded her arms in front of her. "He knew all about her father and used it against her. It shook her. Still does."

Noah sighed heavily as Santana shook her head and looked at the ground.

"Okay..." she said. She searched her mother. "Her... Quinn's bruise. So...so... she got away. He... he didn't touch her..."

Shelby nodded slowly. She took a deep breath. "He tried, San. We still don't know how far he got with either of them-"

"You said she got away," Santana pleaded.

"Quinn says he didn't touch her," Shelby searched her daughter and son's eyes.

"But... But what about Rach?" Noah asked. "What... What did she …. what did she say?"

Santana shook her head and interrupted. "What about...the hospital... they... don't they have medical evidence?" She felt her heartbeat ramming against her chest. She needed answer and she had a glimmer of hope that it wasn't what she thought. She searched her mother's eyes. "Maybe she... she didn't...Maybe he didn't …." She connected with her mother's eyes and saw her answer. "She's not talking... She... why... why is she...What did she say happened?"

"She told us a lot," Shelby said gently holding Santana and Noah's hand. "And...something did happen that we know of... medically... but we're not sure how." She let the words sink in.

Santana looked at her brother and grandmother. "What do you mean?... I don't get it... She told you and she would say that..."

"Santana, she doesn't know what happened..."

Tears were now flowing down the girl's face. "I don't understand..." She shook her head. "How can she not know?"

Shelby licked her bottom lip and squeezed Santana's hand harder. "She couldn't see, Santana," she whispered. "He had her..." Shelby swallowed the lump in her throat. "He … he bent her over the desk and she couldn't see."

Santana pulled away from her mother and put her hand on her mouth trying to contain her sob. "He took her from behind?" As soon as the words left her lips she ran into the half bath off of the study and threw up.

Shelby gave a weak nod and looked at the ground. She ran over to Santana and pulled her hair out of her face as Santana collapsed onto the floor. "We don't know how though." She wiped her own tears. "She's so little that... It could have been …. with his... but we don't know."

"But she got away so... so …." Noah looked at the women. Helen wrapped her arms around the boy.

"She did," Shelby said helping Santana sit up. "She did... but he still hurt her...And we don't..." she shook her head. "He has manipulated her down to the last feeling. She talked about what happened before we went to Florida and he..." She looked at the kids and her mother. "She needs us to help her. We need to help both of them. We don't know exactly what he said to them, but it's echoing in their heads and they...Quinn says that she's fine but any healing or any progress that we've made has been damaged by what he said to her." Shelby shook her head. "And Rachel..."

Santana looked up at her mother. "She's not talking..."

"I know," she whispered. "She was scared enough by the interview."

"I want to know exactly what she said," Santana demanded. She searched her mother's eyes. "I need to know what was said."

Shelby shook her head. "San-"

"No, I need to know what happened," Santana shouted still on the floor. "Please."

"We're trying to figure it out," Shelby said. "We know that there were those two big occurrences..."

"But..."

"She remembered," Shelby said carefully.

"Remembered what?" Noah asked.

"She remembered the room and she said that Will turned into…. Hiram... and she..." Shelby looked at the tiles of the floor. Suddenly realizing for the first time that this may be an issue. She became quiet.

"Where's your car, Mom?" Noah asked interrupting her.

"Noah," Helen offered as she watched Shelby try to process something.

"No, I want to know." He looked at his mother. "What else happened?"

Shelby took a deep breath. "We caught him," she said heavily.

Noah gawked at her. "What? ... how did you-?"

"They need my car to go over prints and evidence," Shelby said.

"He was waiting for them," Santana whispered realizing it. "Damn it!" she said slamming down her hand.

"Yeah, he was," she whispered. She licked her lips. "Rachel saw him. And he saw her seeing him." Shelby's brow knitted. "Quinn tried to run after him... but she didn't get very far. Her body was too exhausted." She looked at everyone. "I had to clean Rachel up and they arrested him and...I'm not … Quinn saw him getting arrested." She shrugged. "Quinn has barely talked but she talked with me and...Rachel hasn't talked at all."

She sighed and looked at the family. "Elyse is coming over soon," she said gently. "And San I want you to start talking with her, too."

"I did that," Santana said. "I'm done with trauma therapy. I don't need it. I don't have triggers...anymore." She looked at her mother and shook her head. "Rach isn't talking, Mom."

"I think it will help you to have the same therapist-"

"Julia is fine," Santana hissed. "I am doing fine."

"You're not, Santana," Shelby said more strongly. "And I think you know that." Shelby watched her eyes. "This isn't up for discussion."

"I don't want to switch from Julia," Santana said.

"You're not," Shelby said. "You remember how trauma therapy works. Elyse will focus on other things in addition to what you've been working on with Julia. You'll stay with Julia but go to Elyse too."

Santana narrowed her eyes. "Other things like what?" she asked.

"Like all of this." Shelby watched her. Santana could feel it. She looked at her brother. She envied him. She always had. He had dealt with things. He had grabbed the bull by the horns. She was just a puddle all the time, pretending that she was put together, pretending she was whole.

"I'm done here," she said getting up. "I'm just... I-I..."

"Santana," She heard her mother call after her.

She shook her head and stopped. "I'm doing this for Rachel and Quinn that's it. I don't need to do this." She sighed. "But I will."

She felt an arm grab her as she started out of the study. She looked up at her brother. "What?"

He searched her eyes and they both softened. "Nothing," he muttered.

She pulled her arm out and walked back into the living room. She pulled the blanket up around Quinn and then crawled in behind Rachel, wrapping her arms around her. She moved Rachel's hair out of her face. "I'm right here," she whispered.

…..

Noah watched his sister leave.

"Noah?"

"I'm going downstairs," he said leaving the room.

"Noah?" He turned and looked at his mother.

"What?" he asked heavily.

She looked at her son. "I want to talk to you."

"Later," he said shortly. He looked at his mother and grandmother. "Once you get San settled with Elyse."

"Noah," Shelby said again watching after him.

"I'm fine," he hissed. "Leave me alone."

Shelby watched him disappear from view.

No one was fine. No one could be.

_He pulled his backpack straps with his thumbs. Sixth grade sucked. He frowned. No, Lima sucked. It was the first week. Three days. His dad always said that you just needed three days to get a feel for something. Not two; not one but three. This was the end of the third day and he was done. He was done with Lima. _

_He looked around the cafeteria with a deep set frown. He wasn't going to make friends. He wasn't going to stay. HE would... His frowned softened. He wasn't sure what he would do... but it was... something. He frowned again. What would he do with his sisters? Rachel wasn't even doing all day school and Santana was ten and dumb. She broke her arm last week on some kids face that should have been his problem. He was the brother, not her. That was day one. _

"_Hey, idiot!" _

_He turned and looked at Michael Hartland._

"_Go lick your own butt," Noah spat still holding his backpack. _

"_Ooooh, so tough new kid," he spat. "You're at the bottom of the food chain. I'm a shark." _

_Noah frowned. He had heard of Michael Hartland. He was an eighth grader and he was a butthead. This was Lima. He was from New York. He wasn't going to put up with it. _

"_Get out of my face before I kill you," he spat. _

"_Oh big guy, huh?" _

"_Bigger than you!" Noah said stepping up to the boy. _

"_You wish," Michael spat looking at the boy who was the same size as him. "Heard your sister can pack a better punch than you!" _

_Noah stepped forward. "Don't talk about my sister." _

_Michael laughed. "Why not?" He narrowed his eyes. "My sister loves broadway." Noah felt a slight pang. "And people magazine." He laughed. "I knew when I first saw you I knew that I recognized you." He shook his head. "No one else knows because they think Barbie is a celebrity, but I know." He laughed and leaned into Noah's face. "I know all about it." _

_Noah screamed in anguish and unhooked his thumbs from his backpack straps. He launched at him and gripped the front of the older boy's shirt. "SHUT UP!" _

_He didn't feel panic. He couldn't see or hear anything else. All he needed was to shut him up. He didn't have a plan. All he knew was that it had been three days and that had been enough. It had been enough for him to know that he was done. He was done feeling helpless. He was done being helpless. He was done. He pushed him. He squeezed his eyes shut. He heard it in his head. He heard it all the time. _

"_**YOU'RE FUCKING WEAK!" Hiram yelled. He screamed at her. Noah ducked his head as Hiram swung at him. "FUCKING WEAK!" He hit him again. "Fight, Noah! Fight! Come on! You played hockey! You play football! Hit me!" He pulled Noah up. "HIT ME!" **_

_**Noah opened his bruised eye and saw Santana lying on the ground. She was barely awake. He had kicked her and she hit the wall. Rachel was next to her trying to get her up. "Sanny, wake up?" he could hear her whispering. They were in this position because they asked for more food for Rachel. **_

"_**I'm sorry! Sorry!" Rachel sobbed. She shook Santana. "Wake up." **_

_**Noah squeezed his other eyes shut. He couldn't hit back. He couldn't. He couldn't because that's what he did before. And that's why Santana wasn't moving. He tried to fight back. He looked at Rachel and Santana. It wasn't about fighting anymore it was about protecting. **_

"_**FIGHT BACK! YOU WEAK, WEAK, WEAK BOY!" Each word was delivered with a blow. **_

_Noah pushed Michael with his rage. He was weak, but that didn't mean that everyone had to know. Especially Michael freakin' Hartland. _

"_SHUT UP!" _

_Noah breathed heavily. He tried to catch his breath. He opened his eyes and everyone was staring at him. Everyone was staring. He looked down. He was lying on top of Michael Hartland. The boy's eyes were swollen shut. Noah leaned back on his heels. They were surrounded by a pile of glass. Michael was lying in a bed of glass. Noah narrowed his eyes and looked behind him. _

"_Shit," he said. _

_He pushed him through a window. He looked at the moaning older boy on the ground. _

_His sister had broken her arm because she was a tornado of anger. She wore her emotions all the time. He frowned. No, she just wore her angry emotions... but that was besides the point. He knew how to control it and she didn't. He stood back away from Michael who was now moaning in pain. He felt a teacher pull him to standing, but he could barely feel the couch. All he could see was Michael. He didn't know how to control anything. His was worse because he exploded and he stopped being him. He stopped being that weak boy and became a stranger, a violent one. How did he do that? _

"_Shit." he said more loudly. _

_He was becoming him. _

…...

Shelby took a deep breath and watched Noah disappear.

"They're going to be okay, Shelby," Helen said gently.

"You don't know that," she hissed. She shook her head. "I'm sorry."

Shelby put her head in her hands.

"Shel," Helen started.

"I know, Mom," she whispered. "I know." She stood up. "Just let me get through this day. I just... I just need to get through this day."

Helen took a deep breath and opened her mouth to say something. but a soft ding from her phone interrupted her. Elyse was outside.

She shook her head and sighed. "We just need to get through this day," she whispered to herself as she walked to the door. She sighed. She knew that that wasn't true that there many more days, but she wasn't going to tackle that now. She was just going to get through the day. That's all she could do.

"Hey," she said opening the door.

Elyse smiled. "Hi." She set down her back and the two of them watched the girls sleep. "Am I talking to all three of them?"

Shelby nodded. "Yes, just a check in for Quinn and Santana. Rachel," Shelby sighed. "I just need you to facilitate the talk I talked with you about."

Elyse nodded. "Do you want me to wake Rachel up? or Quinn first?"

Shelby watched her eldest daughter stir. "No, San's awake."

Santana looked over Rachel's body. She climbed carefully out of the bed and folded her arms. "I guess we're chatting," Santana said with a sigh.

"I guess so," Elyse nodded.

Shelby watched Santana. Searching for something that she'd missed.

"Be honest, San," she said cupping her eldest daughter's cheek.

Santana scoffed but nodded, blinking heavily and leaning into her mother's hand.

Shelby watched Santana disappear into the room with Elyse, wondering and hoping if she was doing the right thing.

She turned and descended slowly down the basement stairs. She couldn't hear anything. Not a sound. She ducked her head down the stair to see into the finished basement.. Noah was laying on his back on the bench press. He wasn't even trying to lift he was just staring at the ceiling.

"Noah?"

He looked over at her and gave a small smile. "I'm fine, Mom."

Shelby looked at him. She looked around the room. His posters that he had hung up were lying on the ground. Ripped down. She widened her eyes. She knew her son. She knew his temper. She knew it used to be unmasked rage where he turned into someone else. She remembered all too well.

_Shelby stared at the broken window. She bit her lip. Her son, her son that held her daughters when they cried, that carefully set oreos and milk up on the kitchen counter when she was upset, her son. Her son had done this. She folded her arms and watched the janitor sweep up the shards of glass. _

"_Mrs. Corcoran," she turned and looked at the principal. _

"_Where's my son?" _

_The man sighed. "He's in the nurse's office. He was kneeling in glass." _

_Shelby shook her head. "Bring me to my son." _

"_Mrs. Corcoran, we need to talk first." The man was trying his best to look touch but was failing. _

"_I walk and talk," she hissed. "Walk with me." _

"_Due to the circumstances of your situation," Shelby shot the man a glare. "Due to the nature-" Another piercing stare. "Mr. Hartland won't press charges as long as you send Noah to get help." _

_Shelby stopped. "I'm sorry what?" _

"_Your son needs help." _

_Shelby shook her head. "And I will make sure he gets it." She turned and faced the man. "Where is my son?" _

_The man who was trying his best to look tough finally steeled his jaw. "What I'm saying, Shelby, if your son, Mr. Hartland and the school board will not accept Noah back at Franklin or in this district until he gets the help that he needs." Shelby stared at him in shock. "You're very lucky and Noah is very lucky that Michael will be fine. But that's all Noah is right now is lucky." _

_Shelby stopped and looked at the man. _

"_He is my son," she said with a glare as she stopped in the hallway. "I will decide what's best for my son. Not you." She had stopped outside the nurse's office. "Thank you for the pep talk." _

_She walked and and Noah was laying on the bed staring at the ceiling. His knees had large band-aids on them. He stared at the ceiling. _

"_Noah?" _

_He looked up at her. "How much do hate me right now?" _

_Shelby frowned and sat next to him. "Not at all." _

_He shook his head. "Don't look at me like that, Ma." He looked down at his hands. "I would rather you be mad at me." _

"_Can you tell me what happened?" she asked carefully. _

"_He was talking crap and I lost it..." He looked up at her. "I... I don't know how it happened. I just lost it." _

_Shelby shook her head but couldn't help but contain her smile. "I can tell." _

"_It's not funny, Mom," he whispered. He looked around. "Where's Rachel? You always pick me up with her." _

_Shelby looked at him gently. "She's at home with Grammy Pierce. Santana is being picked up by Valerie."_

_He frowned and looked at his bruised hands. "I'm sorry I ruined your day." _

"_You didn't, bud," she whispered kissing him on the top of the head. "You didn't. I'm worried about you." _

_She watched as he looked at the floor some more. He wouldn't look up. "There's something wrong with me," he whispered after a few minutes. _

"_Noah, it's a hard adjustment but there's nothing wrong with you." _

_He scrunched his nose up and shook his head. "Are you listening to me? To anyone?" he asked loudly. "I threw him through a window. Not just a glass window those super glass windows that they have in schools." He shook his head. "I …. I don't know how to do this." _

"_Do what?" _

_He shook his head. "Santana broke her arm." He looked as his mother accusingly. "She broke it because she tried to push Gordon Avery because he told Rachel she couldn't be in the tree house. So she she pushed him and he pushed her and she fell out of the tree house." Shelby looked at him and nodded patiently, waiting for a point. "Normal kids push kids in tree houses. It's an accident. " He shook his head more. "You don't ACCIDENTALLY push a kid through a window and then punch his face so hard that he can't open his eyes." He shook his head more. "Don't look at me and tell me that you're just worried." _

_Shelby looked at him. She looked at her son. She was seeing him for the first time. She had never seen him so lost. He was right. With Santana she felt to haphazardly. With Noah, she saw clearer than ever that he wasn't just exploding, he was hurt by the results. He was so separate from his feelings he didn't know how to feel them. He shook his head again. _

"_Noah, tell me what you want," she said quietly. _

"_I wanna go back," he whispered. _

"_To New York?" she asked. He shook his head. _

"_To being me." He shook his head for the millionth time. "I'm stuck and... I...I am scared of who I am." _

"_Don't be," Shelby said quickly. "I know who you are. You are my son. You strong, courageous, and incredible. And you're figuring that out." _

_He shook his head. "Mom, I'm scared uncontrollable and …" I don't want to go home. I don't want to see Rach or San until I …. I'm mad, Mom. I think...I just..." He shook his head. "I need to fix this." _

_She looked at her son and sighed. "Okay," she whispered. knowing her son had grown in a way that she couldn't stop or assist. He did the growing up despite her. _

Shelby looked at the posters and the room.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said as he sat up. "Just doing some work."

She narrowed her eyes. "On what?"

He leaned forward on his arms. "She's gonna need some space."

"Who?" Shelby asked picking up the poster and gently draping them over the chair.

"Rachel," Noah shrugged standing up. "Maybe she can rehearse or something down here."

"Noah," Shelby said gently. "What is this about?"

"I'm going to build her an echo room a place where she can sing," he said simply.

She sighed. "Noah, that's an incredible idea, but right now that's not what Rachel might need."

She watched as the boy sighed and leaned against the wall. She looked at his face as he closed his eyes in deep concentrated anguish.

"What do you need, Noah?" she asked gently.

"I need to do something," he whispered.

Shelby watched her son carefully. "Noah, the girls need you. I need you to be here. And you're doing that. You're doing great."

The boy shook his head. "It's not going to get better for a long time, Mom and you know it." He looked at the ground. "And there's nothing I can do to help that."

She walked over to him and lifted his chin to look at her even though he stood a few inches taller than her. "Talk to me. There's so much you can do and have been doing."

He licked his bottom lip carefully. "The trial was so hard, Mom." He searched her eyes. "They grilled me on the stand and we had the case in the bag." He shook his head. "What are they going to do to Quinn and Rach when there's so much still in question." He swallowed his anxiety and looked away from his mother. "I'm helpless. The girls don't need me. San and Rachel need each other like... tadpoles-"

"What?" Shelby asked squinting.

"You know, things that climb on each other and eat things," he said with a casual shrug.

"Parasites?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "That's what I said."

Shelby frowned. "Okay," she nodded forcing herself to swallow her son's metaphor.

"And Quinn just wants to be your tadpole-parasite-whatever," he shrugged. "I don't have a role."

"You do, Noah."

"I wasn't there to protect her. I wasn't there to do anything. EVER," his voice rose. "I've felt my damn feelings and been to trauma therapy more than once. I'm not doing it again."

Shelby raised her hands. That hadn't been her plan. "But you're going to go back to at least talking to someone."

"I'm not angry, Mom!" he yelled. He slid down to the floor. "I'm just helpless." He shook his head with a laugh. "You and I both know that I've never been on the inside."

"Noah," Shelby began sitting next to her son. "That's not true."

He shook his head and looked at her. "Sure it is," he grinned with an ironic laugh. "But I knew that." He looked at the ground. I've known that since Santana was born." He laughed softly and stared ahead. "I've always been okay with that..." He trailed off. He chewed his bottom lip. "I'm mad," he whispered. "But I don't know what to do. I feel it all but I just... I just stand there..." He looked at the ground. "And hope that Rachel lets me hold her or San and Quinn let me listen." He shook his head. "I need to do something."

Shelby soaked in his body language. "Noah, what do you mean?"

"Nothin," he mumbled looking ahead.

Shelby watched him as he stood up and headed toward stairs.

"Noah?" she called out. He turned. "What was the crumpled piece of paper that you had in Florida?"

"What?" he asked. He avoided her eyes and she knew it was something.

"Don't do that," she said pulling herself to her feet. "What was it?"

"It was nothing," he said looking her in the eye.

She looked at him carefully. "Whatever it is that you think you need to do," she said after a few moments. "Put it on hold. We need you here."

"No you don't," he said with a shake of his head. "You don't need me at all."

"Noah," she called after him. He continued to walk up the stairs. She grabbed his hand. "Noah," she began again. "I need you here. I need you present here. I'm so sorry that you think that you're not needed but we all need you to be here."

He shook his head with a tired shrug. "Doing what?"

"Being you," she smiled tearfully. "Just being you." She cupped his face. "You are a huge part of my life. I feel you pulling away because you feel helpless but I don't need you save the world. I need you to be happy and feel loved."

"Mom," he whispered tearfully. "I can't just do that. I can't JUST let you love me."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because there's so much more I do, I just... don't... I just know how..."

He leaned down and kissed his mother on the cheek.

"We'll figure it out," she whispered. "But promise me you'll stay here."

"I'll never leave them, Mom," he interrupted.

"You're not here, Noah," Shelby whispered. "Come back to where I need you. Where you need you. I love you."

"I know," he nodded.

….


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Anon - Oh you don't know how much I wish I was consulted to write the show. As you can imagine from my writing this story it would have turned out so differently. I hope you like the latest chapter. Thank you for reviewing.

Stacey - Cough Cough - here you go! You chanted and now the update is here. I hope you like.

Sally – I am sorry your parents were like that. I have a friend whose parents are the same way. No hugging or showing any signs of affection in fact they made it seem like hugging is wrong. It's a very hard way to grow up. She is learning to change it though when raising her son and showing him that hugging is right and needed and saying I love you to him. Thank God Shelby is doing that for Quinn and she is still young she needs it. Thanks for your review.

Janie – Quinn's breakdown was needed and Shelby is awesome. She really has showed Quinn she will be there for her forever. Quinn needs that so much. Noah is a great big brother to all of his sisters. He just needs to see it himself. Thanks for reviewing.

Cookie07 – San will talk to Noah but Noah is not going to share his thoughts on whether he should go to NY or not. The scars are too deep for Santana to even think about NY. Santana only broke her arm once. Brittany and San are not back at school in this chapter but it will be interesting. Santana and Shelby will have more moments as well. Thanks for the review

amandaes417-Thank you so much. What Rachel has gone through is beyond words so I am glad I could provide some insight to it. Shelby having to hear it again – awful. Shelby has gotten to Quinn finally – it will have bumps but Quinn has finally realized that she has these people in her corner and they are not going anywhere any time soon. Noah's POV is coming alive and will be told. He is so needed by the family yet he feels like such an outsider.

Anna – Noah is definitely needed he just has to realize it. He just needs to be there for these girls. Thanks for the review.

WelshGirl – I am going to try and put happy flashbacks as well as some happier moments as this family tries to heal from all that has happened. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

marinka4 – Rachel is opening up a little more but it will be slow. Puck is a great big brother to all of his sisters. But he does feel so lost. Thanks for reviewing!

SuzQQ – Elyse is going to work with all the girls now but all the girls are in a different place emotionally even though they all have had basically the same thing happen to them. She will deal with them individually and maybe she will try to do a group session but she has to break down their walls first to let that happen. The bond with Santana and Rachel will always be there but Shelby and Elyse need to reiterate that Shelby is the mom and Santana can't take that position again even though Rachel wants it – it will push both of them further back. Shelby sees that Noah is feeling helpless and she will increase his therapy more as well as much needed time with Bear and Pop Pop. Thanks for always reviewing.

Fangirl44 – Thanks for the review. Noah is feeling a little lost but he has a strong place in this family and the girls and Shelby depend on him he just doesn't realize how much right now. As far as Changes goes – I am trying I love that story too I just have lost the vision for it and I am trying to get it back. I just don't want to throw anything out there. Thanks for reviewing.

maddy449 – Finally Quinn has opened up but you can see that even though she has opened up she is so afraid of losing Shelby and the Corcorans so she would rather not open up and give herself fully because as you can see it will kill her if she loses it. Thank you for your kind words and your review.

Iuterpi – There are more flashbacks coming in the next couple of chapters because they will deal with therapy and how they got to be the people they are right now. And even though Rachel is looking to Santana for help, Shelby has to curb that because Santana doesn't have to be that person, Shelby is the mom and she is a very strong and great mom so they are going to keep working through that to because Santana has to still be a kid. Yeah Noah feels a little lost but he is very important in this family and he is needed. He just has to start to feel. Thanks for the review.

NinjaGleek21 – Cliffhanger? I didn't think it was much of a cliffhanger but….. I will try better next time. Thanks for the cookies I needed them when I moved! Thanks for the review too.

Renata – I am glad you got to see Wicked. Rachel would be a great Elphaba. The sex talk will help Rachel somewhat in knowing what happened but you are correct because of her age and the way she was positioned she doesn't know what really happened. I was happy too that Quinn finally opened up and accepted Shelby. It wont be all rosy but it has come a long way. Thank you so much for your review and I am so glad that you had a great trip to America. Scout – You are correct it does seem too easy about Will. But stay tuned. Maybe it is Maybe it isn't. It is a lot for Quinn and Rachel right now with their statements and injuries but they just need to rest because they have the family behind them 1000%. Thanks for the review.

look4me – Quinn will now be asking Shelby for support but she has a personality like Santana so she will struggle with letting Shelby know everything. But she will try. They will be trying to handle Rachel's regression differently and they won't let her be babied but it is a fine line. I am honored that my updates are your best parts of your week. I hope I can keep it up! Thank you for reviewing.

SadPanda13 – Quinn does feel that her needs are unimportant. She will try now but she still has a long road ahead. You are right Shelby needs to make sure that Rachel goes to her for the support and not Santana – it is not healthy for either of them. I am finally in a new place with no roommates! YaY. Thanks for your continued support.

NayaFan – Two reviews wow! Unfortunately as raw as it was for the girls to relive what happened in Mr. Schue's office it is going to have to be done again for the trials so they need plenty of support and they will have it. I don't think even if they tried to push Shelby on letting the girls be bait they would have won that battle. Quinn would have sacrificed herself but there was no way Shelby would let her do it. Brittany is so good for Santana and that will continue to blossom. And Sue in my story is a kinder gentler Sue – although in the show she is starting to be gentler. Sue has a real softness for Quinn and she tried to help but her calls weren't investigated. So Quinn really has a lot of support and she just now has to realize it. I have to say I hate the Fabrays a lot. I am not a fan. Thank you so much for your reviews – they mean a lot.

Lolathe17th – Santana and Shelby will have a lot more interaction because Santana is going back to more therapy and she is going to have to talk more about which will cause her to act out a bit more because she is not comfortable talking about it. Noah is a great big brother and he really does feel left out because he was unable to stop anything. But he doesn't realize how much the girls need him. Thanks for the review.

broadwaybound2016 – Not weird at all and thank you. Santana is an amazing sister and you will see more flashbacks reiterating that. Thanks for the review.

Kimberlli – Noah will find something I promise. Thanks for the review. The trials will be pretty tough but they won't be for a while so go get the box of tissues soon.

Filmaddict – Don't apologize for not reviewing although I do love it that you do! We will be learning a lot more about Will and if there were any other victims and who helped him. But it won't be easy that is for sure. There are going to be several problems along the way. They will do their best to make sure Rachel doesn't regress too much. She will be in therapy talking it out and given the tools to cope with it. She has sisters who have gone through it and they will help her through it. Noah wants to help so badly that his plans may not be the best plans but he is trying so hard. Thanks for review I love them.

Ryoko05 – Thanks for reviewing.

A C one – As they start to heal there will be happier times, I promise. Noah needs to see how much he is needed he is needed so much. The girls need their big brother. Thanks for reviewing.

Drea LuRuiz – There is still a lot more in store for the Corcorans and I consider Quinn as one of them now. Thank you so much for your reviews.

lovecanbesostrange - Noah just feels so much on the outside right now and he is afraid of reverting back to the rage he had in NY. He wont get there because of his family but he always has that fear. Quinn's breakdown was long overdue and there will be more unfortunately but she now has accepted Shelby as her family. Shelby is awesome but she will be pushed to her limit with everything that will come out. There is only so much a mother can take. She will need every bit of her family to help her pull through this. Shelby cant give in to Rachel's dependency on Santana – it just cant happen again and it won't. Thanks so much for your review. I truly enjoy them.

Abbie – I am so sad that this hit so close to home. A friend of mine has been in the hospital before and had surgery and as much as she wanted to get home because she felt better, it was still very painful and tiring at home. So the girls still have to take it easy. Thanks for your review.

OTHangels – Thanks so much for your review. There is still more in store for all of the kids.

TommyH – More Puck stuff will be coming. Hang on and thanks for always reviewing.

**AN: Hi everyone! Thank you for the wishes on the move. It has been wonderful! **

**Please be warned that the girls talk a little bit more about the abuse. It can be a little intense to read. **

Santana looked at Elyse with her arms crossed.

"I know why I'm here," she said quickly.

"You do?" Elyse asked.

"My mom thinks that I need trauma therapy again," she said casually to the floor, her eyes holding her anxiety.

"Do you think that?" Elyse asked.

Santana frowned. "What?" She tightened her arms. "Shouldn't I … That's your job." She shook her head. "Listen, I get that you don't know me other than what Rachel has told you.-" Santana's hand shot out in front of her. "Not everything that she says is true. She's eleven. You should know that you've seen her since she was five, which by the way should be a testament to you as to why she's still in trauma therapy-"

"Santana-" Elyse began.

The brunette shook her head and kept up her hand. "No, both of my sisters are seeing you and it's your job to HELP them. And I'm sorry but you have not been doing your job."

"Santana," the woman said again calmly.

She shook her head and brought her arm back to her chest.

"You... You..." She shook her head. "Why didn't you fix her?" She looked up with tear brimmed eyes. "Sometimes I wonder who she would be..." She continued to the floor. "Who we would be..."

She wiped her tears frantically. "Sorry," she whispered. "I always go to the yelling place. I have rage," she said with a shrug.

Elyse smiled. "Rachel has always told me that you have a vendetta against lamps."

Santana shook her head with a small smile, but it faded. She chewed the inside of her cheek. "Does she really think I'm a violent person?" She looked on the ground again. "I would never hurt her."

"She knows that," Elyse said without hesitation.

The girl shook her head. "You know nothing."

The woman took a breath. "I know that Rachel and I have talked for six years." Santana looked up at her slowly. "I know that she worries about you and is scared for you, but she is not scared _of_ you."

The girl with old eyes in a young body looked back at her with a piercing stare. "You might think that you know us, but you don't." Her tone remained more even than venomous. "Not at all."

_Noah waved her over from where she hid next to the counter. Santana looked over at her shoulder at her mother who was still talking on the phone. _

"_Go," Noah whispered. _

_Santana frowned but nodded and slowly crept around the island in the kitchen. She reached up slowly on the counter and felt around for what she was looking for. She grabbed it with both of her hands. Got it. She smiled victoriously. _

_She was about to turn to her brother with a big smile. "Got it!" she whispered. _

"_No, you don't," a voice said behind her. _

_She frowned with her lips out and pouted as her father took the sheet cake from her reach. "Daddy!" she whined. "I don't see why we can't eat cake." _

"_Because it's your Aunt Kate's birthday cake and she's not here. We can't eat cake without her," Leroy said with a chuckle. "Come out, bud. I can see you." She shook his head. "No, cake yet. Mommy is going to get off the phone. Aunt Kate and her … boyfriend, Tom-" _

"_I thought it was Frank," Noah said opening the refrigerator. _

"_Noah, son, I know you have the appetite of a whale, but we are going to have a party in a little bit," Leroy said. "Close the refrigerator please." _

_Noah sighed and closed it. "When it's my birthday, I want a big cake. A better cake." He looked at Santana and continued, "And we'll eat ALL day long!" _

"_Rachel has her birthday first," Santana reminded walking over to the play pen. "Daddy, can I get her out?" _

_Leroy smiled at the five year old and said, "Thank you for asking, Santana." He folded his arms over his chest and looked at the small girl. "Do you think you can get Rachel out all by yourself?" He arched his brow. "She may be tiny, Taz, but she's still seventeen and a half pounds." _

"_Daddy, I've gotten her out before," she said with folding her arms and walking over to the playpen where Rachel was standing peeking slightly over the bar. _

_The baby smiled. "Nana-nana!" _

"_Hi," Santana said reaching under Rachel's arms and pulling her up. Rachel barely rose a few inches. _

_Santana frowned. _

"_Need some help, Taz?" Leroy asked try to contain his chuckle._

_She shook her head. She set Rachel down and stood behind the play pen. "Nope," she said with determination from behind the purple pen. She didn't see her father arch his brow higher with amusement as she pushed the pen with all her might next to the couch. Rachel cooed in the play pen. _

"_Daddy, what's she doing?" Noah asked as he climbed onto the stool. _

"_What is she doing?" Shelby asked entering the kitchen. _

"_She's being her," Leroy muttered as he watched Santana climb onto the couch and reached in so that she was at a better height. _

_She used her strength to lift Rachel into her arms. "Got her!" she said._

_Shelby looked at Leroy with big eyes as she watched her five year old lift her not even year old from the crib with a grunt and fell back slightly on her bottom on the couch with the baby in her lap. "Sanny-" Shelby said with a panicked voice. _

"_Be gentle," Noah said with a nod clearly echoing something he had heard repeatedly . _

"_I know," she said as she sat Rachel on her lap. She slide off of the leather couch and she and Rachel sat on the ground in her big sister's lap. _

"_I want cake," Noah said with a sigh. _

"_I thought we talked about this, Leroy," Shelby said with a forced smile. "Since that time that Santana tried to get Rachel from the playpen and dropped her. We agreed that neither her nor Noah should take the baby out of the playpen." Shelby continued to smile at the children. She continued with a hurried voice. "Why is Santana taking her out of the playpen?" _

_Leroy chuckled. "I wanted to see if she could do it. And she asked." He could feel their children's eyes on them. He mumbled through his teeth. "Now we know our tenacious five year old can get the baby out of the playpen." _

_Shelby chuckled nervously. "We are not leaving them alone again." _

"_Ironically, they weren't alone. We were here," he whispered. _

_Santana watched her parents with a frown. "Mumma and Daddy are doing their faces when they're mad or thinking too hard." _

_Rachel crawled off of Santana's lap and back to the coffee table. She pulled herself to standing using the table. _

"_I want cake," Noah mumbled coming into the family room and sitting next to Santana. _

"_Almost had it," Santana muttered as Rachel moved around the coffee table. She frowned. "Aunt Kate doesn't even like cake." _

_She watched as Rachel stood up and let go of the table. _

"_Mom!" Noah shouted. _

"_Noah," Leroy said from kitchen as he entered the living room. "No shouting."_

"_She's walking!" _

_Shelby looked over the counter. "Oh my god!" She walked into the family room. She knelt down. "Come here, Rach. Come to Mommy." _

_Rachel took a few wobbly steps toward Shelby. Santana had seen her mother and and father hold Rachel's hands as she walked a few steps but she had never walked by herself. _

"_Can she run?" Noah asked. "She can do that faster." _

"_She has to walk before she runs first,"Leroy smiled as his son kissing him softly on his cheek. _

"_Come on, Rach," Shelby said as Rachel took a second step toward her mother. "Good job, baby bug!" She took another step. _

_Santana frowned. "She's gonna fall. Mommy, she's gonna fall! You have to catch her. She's gonna fall!" _

_Shelby gave her eldest daughter a smile. "Sometimes we fall, Sanny. And that's okay. We'll help her up." _

_The five year old frowned. "No, she shouldn't fall at all. ever." She looked at her father. "Right, daddy?" _

_A small cry interrupted them as Rachel fell to the floor and landed on her bottom. _

_Shelby scooped her up and rocked her. "Good job, Rach. Almost. Good job." _

"_Mommy, she's crying," she said following her mother into the kitchen. "She's crying."_

_Shelby smiled and her daughter as the baby in her arms calmed. "She's okay, Sanny. See? She's not crying anymore."_

_Santana frowned and looked at her mother. "You and Daddy aren't supposed to let her fall. I will never let her fall. It's not nice." She looked at her family seriously. "I will never let her fall." _

_The mother smiled. "You're an incredible big sister. Rachel is lucky to have you." _

Santana returned to the present and looked at the woman. She wiped her eyes and looked at her with a piercing stare.

"Why do you think you are here?" Elyse questioned.

"Because my mother thinks that this is going to force me to remember."

"Is it?" she asked.

"Yes, but … I'm not paralyzed by it," she whispered. She looked at the floor. "I will always remember." She looked at the woman. "I won't ever forget." She licked her lips. "I can't. There's no way." She looked up and watched her. "I don't know what you want me to say. I don't know why I'm here. I shouldn't be here."

Elyse looked at her and shifted her weight. The girl continued with barely above a whisper. "She's scared of me and that kills me. I'll do anything to make her not scared of me."

The woman sighed. "Your mother wouldn't have you here without a reason." Elyse searched her eyes. "She's worried about you."

"I never had triggers like Rachel..." She licked her lips. "I... I did, but they were different and they don't bother me anymore."

"What were they?"

Santana looked at her with a frown. She took a deep breath and exhaled. "I couldn't... " She looked at Elyse and looked at the floor. "I can't... be in small spaces...closets and … I can't …." Santana pushed her tongue into her cheek. "My mom still keeps lights on in the hallway...and I have a night light next to my bed..." she shook her head tearfully. "It's been there since... since we moved... I just haven't moved it... you know?"

"That's okay, Santana," Elyse said gently. "Triggers aren't about eliminating them as much as identifying and coping with them and you've done that."

"I can't go into the closet...I've never... I can't play hide and seek when it's in small spaces..." She looked at Elyse. "They told me in New York that it was …. it was because he put me in the closet when he..." She bit her lip. "When he hurt Rachel."

"Okay," Elyse said sitting back. "Has anything new come up?"

"No," she said quickly.

The woman looked at her. "Are you sure?"

"Apparently not sure enough," she snapped. "Say it. Say what you think has come up."

"How many things have you broken recently, Santana?" Elyse asked.

The girl looked at her and looked away. "I have anger issues. I know that but that doesn't mean I need trauma therapy."

"Santana, I think that perhaps your rage is something we need to work on. In its own way, its a fall back," she said carefully.

"Well, based on your track record," she sneered. "You think you can make me not angry? Make me deal with _it_?" She shook her head. "You know nothing about me. I am not Rachel." She looked her in the eye for a long moment and stood up. She started toward the door. "I am angry all the time." She looked back at her quickly. "You know what I think about everyday?" Elyse didn't respond but it was clearly a rhetorical question. "I think about the person that he took away, the person that she can never be because of him." She waved her arm toward the door. "And then he took that away from her all over again." She put her hand on her chest. "I will love her no matter what." She shook her head again as tears flowed. She continued slowly, saying each word _succinctly_ "I will be angry about that for the rest of my life." She glared at the woman, "You don't know anything about me or my family. Not even close."

She held the woman's gaze, daring her to speak.

"Santana, don't you think that Rachel mourns who you could have become?"

The question made her stop. It made her freeze.

Elyse continued. "She's not scared of you. She scared_ for_ you. She sees what remembering does to you. She thinks she's holding you all back."

"What?" She shook the thought from her mind. The future couldn't loom over her as an impending event; she was too much in the present. "And I see what remembering does to her." Santana looked at the door. "She's not here with me. She's with him. She's stuck. You never helped her with that. We just realized that it wasn't that she didn't remember. It was that she did and she was afraid of saying anything. Afraid of me..." She glared at the woman. "That's on you." She shook her head. "I can't help her if I'm stuck. I can't change what happened." She felt her breath hitch. "I would give anything to..." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I will come and see you because that's what she needs." She glared at the woman. "But you judge me and think that you know me. You don't. "

"Well, if you give me that chance, I would like to try," she said gently.

Santana shook her head. "I'm not priority. My sisters need you to be on your game. And they don't have another six years for you to figure it out." She sneered the last sentence. "My mother respects you." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I don't and I certainly don't trust you. So don't you dare think that you're going to help me. But I'll be here because Rachel and Quinn need to think that you know what you're doing. So go home do your research and get your act together."

She reached for the door handle and opened the door.

"Thank you," the woman said quietly.

The girl stopped but didn't turn. The door was open slightly.

Elyse continued. "Thank you for giving me a chance."

She looked over her shoulder. "Don't thank me for anything. Get your act together."

With that she exited the room and walked toward the family room. Rachel laid with George clinched to her chest. Her brow was furrowed as she slept and she was trembling slightly. She was laying on her right side. She looked over at Quinn whose eyes were wide open.

"You okay?" she asked quietly as she sat down on the bed.

Quinn gave a slight nod. Santana reached to the side table and grabbed a dull pencil.

"What's this for?" she asked quietly.

"Your cast itches doesn't it?"

The blonde nodded and took the pencil. "Thanks." She narrowed her eyes. "So you're seeing Elyse."

"Yeah," she scoffed. "Let's talk about something else."

Quinn looked at her hand. "I kinda want to talk about how your life sucks right now," she said with a small tremble in her voice. "Please... " she gave a weakened smile. "Tell me."

Santana nodded. "Well, I'm in love with Brittany and the whole school knows... um... My mother thinks I need trauma therapy and the woman had the gall to think that she knows me...Noah is blowing off his senior year and not thinking about his future... I know he feels helpless." She gave a nervous laugh. "He's always felt like he was on the outside, but he's not...uh... We did paintball today."

The blonde frowned. "What?"

"That was bootcamp. The Cheerios and football team vs Christ Crusaders and hockey team," Santana said laying down next to Quinn.

"Did you get that bitch?"

Santana laughed. "Course." She looked at her over at her. "I wish you were there."

The blonde scoffed. "Trust me, me too."

The brunette looked at the ceiling. "Rachel needed you though."

Quinn shook her head. "She asked for you the whole time." She looked at the slightly older girl as she laid on her back. "I'm not a big sister. I don't know how to even be a sister. Me and Frannie weren't exactly...close. I just, I don't know what she needs."

Santana reached down and took her hand. "You're perfect. You're exactly what she needs."

Santana watched as the blonde closed her eyes tightly. "I don't want to let you guys down," she whispered.

She squeezed her hand more tightly. "You won't. We love you, Quinn." she smiled as her eyes pooled. "I never thought that I would be proud to call you my sister but now I cannot imagine life without you." Santana shrugged and let a few tears fall.

"I can't ...She...she knows about... about the baby... I can't." Quinn's bottom lip started to quiver and she began to cry quietly.

"Quinn," she said gently. "She's...She's eleven...She... She doesn't know."

"She … She thinks I'm …. She thinks I wanted it..." Quinn's tears fell without apology.

Santana leaned over and held Quinn. She wrapped her arms around her midsection gently and stroked her hair out of her face. "Shh," she whispered. She wiped her tears with the pad of her thumb.

"She doesn't understand," she whispered. "And if she did," she said gently. "She will always take your side. She'll fight for you." She brushed more hair out of her face. "And so will I."

Quinn shook her head. "I used to hate you."

Santana leaned into her. "I used to hate you more." She rested her head on top of hers and wrapped her arms around her as she planted a gentle kiss on her sister's head. "So much more." She smiled. "I win."

…..

Noah shot a basket into the hoop. The girls were sleeping and San was in talking to that lady. He just needed some air. He needed some air.

"You should be wearing a jacket."

He turned and saw his grandfather. He stopped dribbling the ball and looked at him. "They're glad that you're here. You should go check on them."

"I did. I wanted to check on you."

"I'm fine," he shrugged.

"You're not fine. You're anything but," Michael said. He handed the boy the wind breaker. "Put on a jacket son. It's fall."

Noah sighed and took the jacket and pulled it on.

"Mom thinks I'm giving up," he mumbled.

"Are you?"

Noah laughed. "Can you imagine leaving right now?"

"Of course not," Michael said gently. "Your father knew the first day that you started school that it was going to be a struggle."

"What?" Noah asked.

"Do you remember your first day?"

The boy laughed. "Pop-Pop, I barely even remember that there are two Dakotas and Carolinas. There should be two Ohios, right?"

"Well," Michael said leaning against the patio table next to the garage that led into the backyard. "You um... you … were sent to the principal's office on the first day." He laughed. "You were bored in class. Well at least that's what you told us...anyway, your father bought gum the day before. One of those jumbo packs from Costco. You took it the day before and you decided to use it to stick gum on everyone's seat..."

"I did that to San all the time," Noah shrugged.

"Well, not very many kids are as tough as San," Michael chuckled. "If I recall, even at three Santana always got you back."

Noah shook his head. "Yeah, she sucked. She would put oatmeal in my underwear drawer...or my pillow." He shook his head. "I hate oatmeal."

"What we didn't tell you was that we knew that you didn't like school. And your parents wanted to send you somewhere but-"

Noah shook his head. "I don't care," he said quickly. "What I care is that...I don't know. I just I need to be here."

"What you need to do is fill out those college applications on your desk."

Noah shook his head. "I don't want to … I don't... I don't know if i want to go to school and be stuck in some class room again." He saw the flash in Michael's eyes. "Don't tell Mom yet, she has enough to deal with." He dribbled the ball slightly. "I don't see me doing anything like that...You know …. anything that requires me sitting in a classroom for another four years.-"

"Noah," he began walking toward the boy.

"I wanna do something else...I'm not smart," he grumbled. "Don't pretend that I am."

"We believe in you though. We believe in all the good things that you could be and who you are," Michael said.

He shook his head. "I don't need a pep talk, Pop-Pop."

"You definitely do," he said. "You have a great future Noah you just need to figure it out." He leaned against him. "I know you know what you want you just don't know if you should do it. It was just like that time when your Mom really wanted you to play tennis, but you really wanted to play hockey and football and all those sports that a mother doesn't want her first born to play."

"I don't know," he whispered. "I just don't know."

"I don't know either, son," he whispered. "But I know we're not going to give up on your. Not now. Not ever."

Noah licked his lips. "They're done." He could see his grandfather looking at him. "I finished them. They're done."

Michael frowned. "But you just said..."

"I finish what I start, Pop-Pop..." He looked at the older man. "They were finished for a while. It took me awhile to save up for all those application fees, especially because I don't work during the football season. Though Mom hasn't noticed I took money out of the joint account she had me put my summer money in..." He laughed. "Working that damn ATM card took me a few days to figure out... Whitney had to help me..."

"You gave your girlfriend -"

"Ex-girlfriend," he clarified.

"Whatever," Michael said. "She has your pin number?"

"No... I have hers," Noah shrugged. I just made her show me how to take out money from the ATM." He looked at his grandfather nonchalantly. "Anyway... They're done..." His face became solemn again. "I don't know if I want to send them..." He licked his lips and leaned against the side of the house. "It's one thing... to fail on your own... it's another to fail in front of everyone else." He shook his head. "Rach checks the mail... that's her job...That and making the grocery list..." He looked at the sky. "I don't want her handing me a rejection letter and watch me open it."

"Noah, you're not going to fail," Michael assured.

"I might," he said honestly. "But I'm doing this for nothing..." He looked at his grandfather. "I can't struggle through school for another four years...I can't be surrounded by some hot-" His grandfather looked at him with a clear of his throat. Noah continued. "By girls and parties when I'm needed here."

"Send them in, Noah," Michael said. "We'll do it together."

Noah narrowed his eyes. "I don't see my future with a piece of paper that says I know crap. I just don't."

"We can look at other options, but you need to explore these," he assured.

…..

Shelby walked up the stairs sat on the stairs with her head in her hands.

"Shel?"

She looked up and her sister was looking back at her. She just gave a weak nod and looked up. Joey sat down quietly.

"You want to talk?"

"No," she muttered. "I can't." She sighed and looked at her sister. "I can't talk, because if I start to talk I might cry. I'm exhausted. I can't breathe. I am stuck. I haven't been …. in this place for a long time." Joey looked at her. questioningly. "Every moment when I slow down and breathe. All I hear is them and the cries that I wasn't able to sooth." She shook her head. "And now Quinn... Do you know how many times I saw that girl and they way she looked at her father... The way she looked when she was picked up from school..." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I knew that there was something wrong..." She shook her head forcing the thoughts from her mind.. "So the answer is no, I can't talk. Not now."

They heard the door open to the study. It creaked slightly as they did. Santana's voice echoed down the stairs. "Don't thank me for anything. Get your act together."

Shelby felt a frustrated grown release.

"Shelby, she's mad, let her-" Joey began.

"No, no, no," Shelby said throwing her hands in the air and rising to her feet. "I get that she's mad, but she can't speak to anyone like that," Shelby argued as she began to stand up.

"Take a moment and cool down. Quinn's awake. Let them have a moment before you..."

"Thanks for being here," she whispered. She looked at her hands. "I need to get through this day." She searched her sister's eyes. "That's all."

She stood up and walked up the stairs.

"Shelby," Joey called.

"Not now," she muttered. "Not yet."

She walked into the living room and saw the girls talking quietly. Santana was holding Quinn quietly. She gave a brief smile thanking whatever God there was for the progress the girls had made. They had gone from hating each other to needing each other.

"Are you ready to go in?" Shelby asked walking over to the girls.

Santana and Shelby helped Quinn sit up slightly. Quinn gave a tiny nod. "What am I talking about exactly?" Quinn asked as she stood up with a groan. Her body continued to ache.

Shelby looked at her quietly. "Everything," she said gently. "Anything."

Quinn looked at Shelby and bit the side of her lip. She didn't want to talk to Elyse. She was tired. She wanted to lay down. However, a tiny, miniscule part of her wanted to. There was an illusion that she had in her head of a twenty-something Quinn who had told her fears and dirty past and was now put-together because of it. However, the rest of her didn't want to invest that energy or sacrifice that dignity to get there.

"Quinn," Shelby said, appearing in front of her. "You can't skip anymore. You skipped that day and -"

"And think of what would have happened if I hadn't skipped that day," she said with burst of passion, but then she immediately felt empty and raw. She deflated. "I'm sorry."

The blonde saw a tiny flash in the woman's eyes and the young girl regretted her words. She glanced over at Santana as the brunette climbed into bed with Rachel.

"I don't know what to talk about," she hissed. "You can't fix this."

"Think about it like this," Shelby said. "Everyone has a junk drawer. Therapy isn't about getting rid of that junk drawer. It's about giving it some organization, because right now, in this moment, you can't even begin to start looking through it. Elyse can help you sort through it."

Quinn looked at the woman she had grown to depend on. "It's her job to fix things... fix people."

Shelby wrapped her arms gently around Quinn. "People don't need fixing as much as they need support and reminders that who they are is acceptable." She pulled back and looked at Quinn. "It's the fight to make you into something you're not, to silence that rage and all of that overflowing emotion inside that causes people to explode and lose control of their junk drawer." She looked for an understanding. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"You really believe that everyone is good and just at some point they get lost?" Quinn looked at her incredulously. "You can't possibly think that." She leaned forward and looked toward Rachel and Santana. "You can't."

"To me, Quinn, life is about coexisting with the ambiguous and the ability to embrace what we don't understand. So much is beyond reason. And people lose themselves trying to simplify things."

The girl frowned. "It can't be that simple. It's not."

"You're right," Shelby said resting her head on the top of Quinn's. "It's not and it is all at once."

Quinn leaned into her. "All at once is right."

"I know you don't want to talk about things," she said. "It doesn't have to be all at once. But it has to start somewhere."

Quinn nodded. She pulled away and looked at Shelby carefully. The woman gave her a gentle nod. Quinn took a breath and walked to the woman who waited at the entrance to the study. She couldn't help but feel dread. She opened the door and walked into the room.

"Hi, Quinn," Elyse said as the girl sat down cautiously.

"You left quickly this morning," Quinn said. She remembered watching Elyse leaving from the center.

"I needed to run back to the office and run home," she said casually.

"You have a life outside of our crazy ones don't you?"

"Let's talk about today," she said casually.

"I don't want to. I can't," she said clearly. "I am comfortable here and this will help me... living here. Being with them I mean. But I don't want to talk about anything that happened I will deal with it myself." She took a deep breath. "Please help Rachel."

"It helps to talk about things," she offered.

"Not for me," she said.

"You seem all in your head, Quinn," Elyse began.

"You can't all expect me to talk to you. To trust you. I don't talk about my feelings that's just not me," she said crossing her arms.

"Have you given it a chance?"

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "Yes, and isn't it your job not to force anything. Isn't it supposed to be when I'm ready?" She scoffed. "Newsflash, I'm not ready."

"Ideally, yes," she began "we would want you to be ready".

"But?" Quinn sneered.

"But your father's trial is coming up." Quinn avoided her eye contact. "We can avoid a trial if we have all of the facts."

"That's not possible," Quinn said.

"There is clear evidence against your father," Elyse explained. "But you being hesitant... it's not helping."

The blonde looked at the ground.

"There are so many gaps that you need to fill in Quinn," she said gently. "Because if you don't, they're going to try to fill all of those gaps in themselves. And they won't be right..."

The teenager didn't reply. She looked at the ground. "I don't know what you expect me to say..."

"What you've been through, Quinn, is not right. It's terrible. I know it's unfair to ask you to talk about something that you've held in for so long. It's scary and hard …"

"You don't know," she interrupted shaking her head. "You can't..." She looked at the ground.

"I know that you can trust me," Elyse said. Quinn scoffed. "I had a patient that started with me at five years old. She didn't trust me. So she didn't talk to me for about a month. All we did was color. This was hard for her because generally she was quite the talker, but only to her family, to the people that she trusted." She looked at Quinn and Quinn couldn't help but wonder if that patient she was talking about was Rachel. "I wish we had months, Quinn to build that trust, but your father's trial is very soon." She shook her head. "I'm sorry that we can't take the time for you to open up and trust me at your own pace..."

"Of all the things that I don't have, more time to trust isn't something I miss," she whispered. "I know that you're trying." She shook her head. "In all honesty, it's not you."

"What is it?"

"I think it's... it's the fact that you're just … you're gonna be one more person." The woman looked at her questioningly. "You're one more person besides the person in my head that will know." She shook her head. "I can deal with rumors and whispers. It's the truth that's scarier. The truth won't set me free and crap... It's hard no matter how you say it." She shook her head. "I don't know how to talk about this..."

The woman took a deep breath. "I don't expect it to all come out at once Quinn but it has to. Holding it in is not possible. Its not healthy for you and because of the situation it needs to come out and I would rather it come out while you are in therapy than while you are on the witness stand."

"Everyone knowing... Everyone knowing what... what I didn't do...That I stayed... It's not that I didn't know it was wrong... or that I didn't want to fight. It's not that simple. I stayed because …. " she trailed off. "Its weak. I'm weak."

"You're anything but," Elyse said strongly. "You are incredible. You have dealt with things beyond most people's comprehension..."

"And soon they'll all know..." she replied as a lone tear fell.

"They're going to ask about your relationship with your parents... with your father... about the baby..." she said gently. "I don't want that to be a surprise for you."

Quinn continued to stare at the floor.

Elyse went on. "Quinn we need to know - do you know who the baby's father was and what happened to the baby? Did you have an abortion because if you did we need to know how you got one with you being only 16 years old now and-"

"I lost the baby," she said blankly with drained eyes.

"Lost how?" Elyse asked.

Quinn shook her head and ran into the half bathroom attached to the study.

"I can't...I can't... I can't..." She sobbed after she heaved.

Quinn didn't hear the door open but she felt a hand on her shoulder. She jumped. Her chest was heaving. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't concentrate. She couldn't barely even be.

"Shhh... It's just me..." She looked over her shoulder and Shelby was holding her. She leaned back into Shelby. "Shhh." Shelby looked over at Elyse. "We're done here. That's enough."

….

Noah entered the family room and peeled off his jacket as he watched Quinn disappear into the study and his mother linger in the kitchen. He curled up in the sofa chair next to the girls' beds.

"Hey," he muttered when he spotted Santana looking at him. The older girl was sitting up with Rachel lying on her lap.

"Hey," she smiled as she brushed Rachel's hair out of her face.

"She sleep through the afternoon?" Noah asked.

Santana nodded. "Yeah. She should be waking up soon."

Noah watched her sleep quietly clenching onto her money. "It's funny..." he muttered and looked back at the television

"What?" Santana asked with a hint of edge in her voice.

"She uh... a few weeks ago she was complaining to me that we don't treat her like a grown up," he gave a distant laugh. He watched her stir slightly and fold herself into Santana's side. He lowered his tone. "Now... she... Now she won't leave your side..." He swallowed and his face became very solemn and low. He looked sharply back at the television. "It's just... It's not funny...You know what I mean..."

Santana looked down at Rachel and pulled her to her. "She's gonna be fine, Noah," she whispered. "She's gonna be fine."

She watched as her brother flipped through the channels with a frown. "Don't do that," he said quietly.

"Do what?" she frowned.

"Nothing's going to be fine, San. Don't pretend that it is."

He could see his sister frowning at him without looking at her. "You don't-" she began.

"You're pretending that everything is fine so that you can pick up all the pieces," he said with a shake of his head. "Don't pretend she'll be fine."

"Noah, don't say that," she said quietly. "Please. She will be fine. We all will. I'm not … I'm not giving up on her..."

"You're not fine, San," Noah whispered. "No one is." He looked at her with a understanding eyes. "In a way you already have."

"What the hell is going on with you?" she asked. "Something is up."

He shook his head. "Other than all the other shit that hit the fan. Nothing."

"Noah, I know you aren't fine either but get your shit together because Rachel and Quinn need us more than ever," she said looking down at Rachel.

He sighed and looked at her. "I have your back, San. I'll be here for you."

She narrowed her eyes and watched him carefully. "I know that," she finally whispered. "I always have." She looked at him. "Remember when we pretended we were superheroes together?"

He smile. "Yeah..." He chuckled. "That was pretty fun, huh?"

"We can be superheroes together," she whispered. "Like we used to."

He looked at her with a small smile. "But the thing about superheroes, San, is that they're anything but super in real life. They become superheroes because they don't know how to be human." He shook his head. "We shouldn't pretend like that." He smiled at her. She looked back at him with a faltered face. "You gotta stop being so tough."

"Ditto." She smiled and looked at her brother. "You're the best man I know, Noah," she whispered. "I hope you know that."

"I'm the best brother," he said with a laugh. "I'm the only brother. Unless you compare me to Griff and Dex...They're not much competition."

She smiled. "Thanks for that clarification." Her smile faded into slight seriousness. " No, I mean the best man," she smiled.

Rachel shifted in her arms. She let out a small moan.

"Wanna know something weird?" Noah asked watching Rachel. "You want me to take her for a bit?"

Santana looked at her brother and he went on. "She's fine," she whispered pulling the blanket up higher and Rachel snuggled in more and shifted more into Santana's lap. "What's weird?"

"She hasn't needed the neb," he whispered. "Weird huh?"

Santana looked at him carefully and then looked at the girl in her lap. "She doesn't need it."

"But why?"

He watched as Santana shifted and wrapped her arms around her. He watched as Santana's face became more vulnerable than he had seen in a long time.

"What?" he asked.

She looked at Rachel as the young girl frowned and opened her eyes with a jump letting out a small gasp. "Shh," she whispered shifting her weight and lifting her into her arms allowing Rachel to sit on her lap and lean the side of her body into her so she was facing Noah.. "I'm right here."

Noah looked at his sisters as Santana rubbed Rachel's back and hushed her back to sleep. In a few moments, Rachel was snoring softly.

"She doesn't need her neb," Santana whispered to him. "She has me."

He watched them carefully. He watched the defeat and distance in her eyes. He stood up and reached for Rachel. "Let me have her," he said taking her gently.

"I have her," she whispered weakly as her eyes filled with tears. He could see that it was too much. "I'm fine."

He took Rachel in his arms as Santana exhaustively let go. "Scoot over, buckwheat," he said with a grin, shifted Rachel effortlessly in his arms.

Santana frowned and moved over on the double sized bed. "My hair has calmed since I had it permanently straightened." She wiped her eyes. "That nickname no longer applies."

"Sure," he chuckled, effortlessly adjusting Rachel in his arms and laying on the bed next to Santana so that Rachel rested on his chest and Santana leaned into his side.

"I can hold her you know," she whispered leaning against his shoulder.

"I know you can, but you should sleep." He smiled using his free arm to wrap around Santana. "Now be quiet. Sportscenter is coming on."

…..

Shelby tucked Quinn in and saw her other three sound asleep. She took a deep breath.

She looked up and spotted Elyse coming out of the study.

"We should talk."

Shelby nodded. "We definitely should."

She followed her back into the study and closed the door.

"These girls don't trust me," Elyse said.

"Have you met them? Trust doesn't grow on trees with them."

"We don't have time for that though," she replied. "We have the trial... trials..."

Shelby shook her head. "I understand that the trial is looming but...we need some kind of consistency here."

"I know that I'm just concerned for them," Elyse said.

Shelby sighed. "How many sessions a week do you suggest?" she asked, moving on from the conversation.

Elyse thought for a moment. "Three for Santana and five day for Quinn and Rachel."

Shelby sighed. "I'm just... okay... Okay..." She nodded forcing herself to refocus. "Okay."

"Do you need me to speak to Rachel?"

"Yes...We...I need help talking to her...about sex," Shelby whispered. "I need to straighten things out."

Elyse nodded. "Let me go out and get some coffee and I'll be back."

"Of course," she replied.

She walked her to the door. "Thank you for all of this."

The woman nodded again. "Of course."

The mother turned and walked back into the family room. She leaned down and felt Quinn's forehead. She knew she had to monitor their temperatures as their bodies slowly healed. Quinn felt slightly warm but she knew she had been worked up. She decided to let her sleep a little longer before waking her up for her medication. She glanced at the clock on the wall as she went to Rachel who was still laying on Noah's chest and protected by Santana's arm. It was time to give her another round of cream. The pain must be setting in.

She felt Rachel's forehead and it felt slightly warm, too. The girl's eyes fluttered open.

"Hey there, bug," she whispered.

"Mumma, I hurt," she whispered back.

"I know," she replied.

Shelby gently untangled Rachel and miraculously didn't wake the other two. "Let's go upstairs and we can put more cream on and -"

"I want Sanny to do it."

Shelby looked at her exhausted child.

"I want Sanny to do it," she said a little more loudly.

"Come on, Rachel," the mother said with a smile. "Let's go upstairs please."

Rachel shook her head frantically and reached for Santana's hand. "I want Sanny to do it."

Shelby looked up and Joey stood at the entry to the kitchen ready to assist. She looked back down at her daughter. "Mumma, I want Sanny to do it." Rachel turned and shook Santana hand which in turn shook Noah. "Sanny wake up. Can you help me?"

Rachel had been her only child, including Quinn who could easily ask for help. However, she was still a child and she wasn't asking the right person. She was too young to realize that Santana was too young too.

"Rachel, Santana is not going to help you do that," Shelby said with more force in her voice. "Santana, go back to sleep."

Too late. Santana and Noah leaned up. "What do you need, bug?" she asked. "I can do it, Mom," she dismissed.

"No, Santana," Shelby said. "You won't." She looked over her shoulder at Quinn. Let's talk about this in the kitchen please."

Ushering the girls into the kitchen, Noah stayed in the living room pretending to separate himself from the approaching fight.

"Mom, I can handle whatever this is," Santana said.

Rachel looked at her mother for approval.

"No," Shelby argued. "This isn't a debate, girls. Rachel, Santana is not helping you do this. Come on let's go upstairs."

The older girl looked at her mother indignantly. "She wants me to help her," she argued. "Let me help her."

Shelby wasn't having this argument. She just wasn't.

"Mom," Santana urged.

"No!" Shelby yelled bringing the room to a stop and causing both Rachel and Santana to jump. "No," she said more quietly. "Come on, bug."

"You're just mad because she wants me," Santana said as Rachel still held onto her arm. "You're jealous of your own daughter!"

Shelby took a deep breath. Joey could tell she was counting to ten in her head. "It's not that, Santana." She looked at her daughter. "This isn't your responsibility. Simple as that." She turned to Rachel. "Let's go, Rachel," she said gently but insistently. She held out her hand. Rachel looked at her aunt and grandmother who nodded at her to go with her mother. She took her mother's hand and followed her slowly in that direction. She looked over at Santana.

The sixteen year old furrowed her brow and shook her head at the injustice. "Can't I go be with her with whatever you're going to do?"

"No," Joey said stepping in. Santana looked at her with big eyes. "No, San. Let your mother do this."

Santana watched Rachel and Shelby slowly make their way upstairs. She looked at her grandmother and aunt. "What the hell!"

"Santana!" Helen said sharply.

The girl waved her arms and her eyes widened in explosive emotion. "No! She needed me. Rachel wanted me and you're just siding with her because -"

Joey straightened and looked at the girl with a set jaw. "This," she said. "This right here proves that you cannot be with her, Santana. It's not about you against your mother."

"Yes, it is!" she said. "She doesn't trust me!"

Helen closed the sliding doors into the family room. "She trusts you so much," she said carefully.

"Clearly she doesn't," she snapped.

"Is that what you think? That this is about trust?" Joey asked.

"It's hard for her, Santana." She paused. "Harder than you think for her."

Santana frowned. "I know that," she muttered. "But Rachel needs me. Why can't she let me help?"

"Because as tough as you are, Santana, Rachel is not your responsibility."

"Of course, she is," she argued.

"No, she's not," Joey urged. "You're sixteen." She shook her head. "Do you know what Rachel wanted you to do?"

Santana ferocity in her face faltered and she shook her head blankly. "No, but I would do it..."

Joey licked her lips and took a deep breath. "Rachel is bruised, scratched and raw underneath." Joey watched with a heavy heart as Santana's face fell. "Your mom is applying cream that helps heal and sooth that ache. She has to put it inside of Rachel..." Santana looked at the floor. "I know you're tough, San. But that doesn't mean that you need to take responsibility for that."

She wiped her falling tears. "I can handle it. I can handle that," she whispered.

"But you don't need to," Helen urged.

"Your mom understands, Santana," Joey continued. "It's not that she's jealous of you. You are still her child. You are not the parent. What I mean is that she sees how much you need Rachel as much as you need her." She looked the into the dark eyes of her niece. "I know that you play a big role here and you always will, but you don't _have_ to." She sighed and watched as Santana leaned against the counter. "You need to understand that difference." Joey leaned against the counter next to the girl. "You don't talk to her."

"What?" Santana asked with a frown.

"Mom, will you excuse us?" Joey asked.

Helen took a deep breath and kissed Santana on the forehead. "I love you, sweet girl. Tough or not."

"You too, Nana," she whispered.

Joey waited until she was gone from the room before she continued. "You came to me about the boys and not her. She is your mother, Santana and sometimes I think you forget that. I know you don't have children and I pray to St. Joseph, Mary and Jesus Christ that you do not have children anytime soon." Santana gave a small smirk. Joey continued. "Think about it, San, her daughter isn't coming to her but is going to everyone else. However, your mother has a strange grace about her that where she feels gratitude that you're talking to anyone. You're a tough cookie to crack, San."

Santana scoffed. "You did," she whispered. "I can't talk to her like I talk to you. She …. She sees me as a disappointment. She's so perfect and I just... I can't let her down."

"You don't," Joey replied. "She's so proud of you and she loves you so much. It's not that she doesn't trust you. It's hard because you don't come to her and Rachel comes to you."

"So she is jealous?"

"It's not that easy, Santana and you know it." She looked at the young girl. "She's the grown up, Santana. Not you."

"We're all grown ups," she clarified.

"In a lot of ways you are," Joey agreed. "But in so many more you're not. Rachel clinging to you is more than just an old instinct. It's also a crutch."

"What?" she frowned. "That's not true."

Joey sighed. "You need to let your mother handle, Rachel. You can support her without being a parent. You're..." she trailed off as she looked at her niece.

"What?" Santana asked.

"You're acting like you were when your mother first got you back," Joey finished. "You can support her and Quinn without parenting them." She looked at her carefully. "We can't fall back into those habits. We'll get stuck."

Santana looked at the ground and folded her arms more tightly across her chest. "I know that this is hard for her," she whispered. "But I'm not a child."

"Honestly, San, you are," Joey said bluntly. "And your mother is making a genuine effort to conserve the last piece of childhood you have left."

"That's gone," Santana whispered.

"It's not," Joey replied. "Rachel will always have you as a sister, but she doesn't need you to be the mother and you need to understand that that's okay."

"She needs me," she muttered. "And she still has you, but that doesn't mean you have to be the grown up."

"She's scared of me... or for me...whatever," she whispered. She looked at her aunt. "This isn't the person I want to be for the rest of my life. This isn't what I want."

"How can we help you change it?"

"Santana looked toward the stairs. "I guess I …. I have to try."

"Try what?"

"To let go..." For the first time Santana released that she wasn't losing Rachel as much as she was doing exactly what her aunt was encouraging her to do: take the proper role.

…...

After some tears and whimpered sobs, Rachel was changed and back downstairs. Elyse had returned and was waiting for them. Shelby watched the back of Rachel's head as she walked slowly into the study. On her way in, she spotted Santana back on the bed in the family room. Rachel walked over to her gingerly and Santana handed her the stuffed monkey and quietly encouraged Rachel to talk to Elyse. Rachel leaned against Shelby once they were in the study. Neither one of them wanted to have this conversation.

"Hi, Rach," Elyse said. She smiled at the girl. "You've had a long couple of days huh?"

Rachel nodded and looked up at her mother.

"We're going to talk, Rachel," Shelby said. "I'm going to answer some of your questions and Elyse is going to just help us if I can't answer any of them."

Shelby watched as the eleven year old hesitated and looked at her again before she looked at Elyse. The girl looked so small.

"Come sit with me, Rach," Shelby said gently as she moved away from her to sit on the large sofa couch.

Rachel raised her shoulder on one side higher to her and she looked at mother with a tiny shake of her head. "I'm okay. I don't... I don't want to know anymore..."

"Come here, Rach," the mother said.

Rachel looked at Elyse and quietly walked over to her mother with careful steps. "I don't... have questions... I know what rape is," she whispered after a few minutes. Shelby looked at Elyse with a deep breath. Here they go. She looked at the ground and shifted slightly away from her mother. "It's when … it's when you don't want it," she muttered. "I just... I don't..." She looked at her mother. "I don't understand all of it."

Shelby took a deep breath. Rachel bit her lip.

She went on. "But I don't know if I wanna know... I don't want to have sex..." Shelby watched as the tears flowed. "I don't know..." She looked at her mother. "I used to think we would live happily ever after." Rachel looked at her hands. "I don't think a prince will ever love me."

The mother gave a trembling breath. She gave her a weak smile. "Rachel, you will have the most royal and epic love you can ever dream of. Sometimes it just takes awhile to find it. But you're right. Rape is when you don't want to have sex."

"Yes, …. but how do people ever want it though?" she whispered. She stared at her hands and the last question came out as a quiet exhale. "How will it not hurt?"

Shelby took another deep breath. "You get... there's um... uh... It's all very complicated, bug."

Rachel looked up at her patiently. Elyse nodded at Shelby.

"Bodies naturally... um... " Shelby licked her lips. "Sex is natural, Rach. It's not meant to be scary. It's complex and beautiful, but it requires so much trust between two people."

"Sanny and Noah and Quinn had sex... And they liked it," Rachel said.

The mother took another deep breath and her eyes widened. "I can't speak for them, Rachel."

"Quinn's dad raped her too right?"

The bluntness of the statement hit Shelby hard and deep in the gut.

The mother took yet another deep breath. "I … um... Yes, she was..." She looked at Elyse. She tried to form words. "I … uh..." She looked at Elyse and the woman nodded. "She... bodies... sex can make you feel better... sometimes... your body can be... manipulated …."

Rachel shook her head. "I don't understand." She looked at Elyse. "Quinn's dad hurt her like that... and she was still able to move on...you know?" She looked at the two adults. "Right?"

Shelby looked at her daughter. She wasn't ready to tackle that. She didn't know about all of Quinn's past. She felt a surge in her stomach as she realized all of those things that she didn't know or how Quinn coped with them.

"Rachel, Quinn went through something very complex and hurtful and hard," Elyse said after Shelby didn't answer.

Shelby could feel her youngest trembling in her arms. "I …. I was in the hospital for …. for a long time by myself... after Papa Hiram..." She shook her head in an absence of understanding. "Why wasn't she there too because her dad?"

She was caught. Her body froze as she stared at Rachel. She didn't know what to say. All she could remember was the brutality of Rachel and the equal unfathomable but different brutality of Quinn. All she could do was stare at Rachel. Words were beyond her.

"Rachel, everyone is different," Elyse began.

"I know that," she whispered. "I just want ….. I just want to understand because I'm tired of feeling different...I just... I want to feel the same." She looked at her mother. "Please...explain to me why Noah can... do it in the car... and San... well... I heard Noah yelling at her once... She sleeps with different boys...and Quinn did it to have a baby... but I just... I always end up in the hospital..." Her chin trembled. "What's wrong with me?"

Shelby looked at Elyse. She shook her hand. "I can't..."

"Rachel, when …" Elyse paused and looked at Shelby. The mother only nodded and watched her hand guide itself through Rachel's hair. "What Mr. Schuester did to you was wrong. There is nothing wrong with you."

Rachel looked and stared at her mother and therapist. The room was quiet.

"He told me things..." Rachel said leaning her head to the side. Her breath hitched. "I don't know what I did..." Shelby could feel her trembling. "He was on top of me and ….. and he... he made me touch him. He..." Her chin quivered. "He made these noises and told me that I needed to be a good girl. And... then...and then he …. All this stuff came out and he … and he wiped it on me..."

Shelby shuddered. She couldn't hear this. She couldn't hear her eleven year old daughter talk about this.

"Rachel, that's called semen," Elyse said steadily. "It's part of a sexual urge and when it releases it feels good."

"Do I have semen?" she asked innocently.

"No," Elyse said. "But women do … have a release of their own. It physically is to help lubricate so that the man can put his penis inside."

Rachel frowned. Shelby could see her thinking, but all she wanted to do was throw up. "He used to do that to Santana."

Shelby pulled away. "What?"

Rachel looked at the floor. "I remembered...It was like a bad dream..." She played with her hands. "Papa Hiram used to make Santana put his... penis... in her mouth and then... he put the white stuff...the semen... on my clothes."

Elyse looked warily at Shelby. She could feel the eyes of her friend on her, but as her daughter spoke all she felt was fractured. She knew that happened. She knew that he had done that to Santana. She hadn't heard it directly from her herself, they have never talked about it. She had learned about it in court, from Santana's therapist, but hearing it from Rachel as Rachel brought it to the present from deep in her memory made Shelby want to throw up.

"He said that I had to put my hand on it or he would put it in my mouth," Rachel whispered.

"Who said that, Rach?" Elyse asked trying to muddle through these questions.

"Mr. Schuster," she muttered. Shelby stifled her breath. "Is that what he was trying to do to me?" Rachel didn't seem to absorb the meaning of the looks the two adults were giving. "When he said that I needed to get wet?"

Elyse gained her strength. "He was trying to give you some physical stimulation, yes."

"But it hurt," she whispered. "Am I broken?"

"No, Rachel," Shelby said snapping out of her daze. "Not one bit."

She looked at her mother. "He bent me over... and … rubbed me...I don't know... It hurt... then he told me it was my fault it hurt and put something in me."

"Do you know what he put in you?" Elyse asked.

"No," she whispered.

Shelby sighed. "You're not broken, Rachel," she repeated in a whisper. "It's okay."

Rachel buried her face in her mother's chest. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know...I don't know what happened."

"I know, bug," she whispered. "I know."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't ….. I don't want to ask anymore questions," she whispered.

"Alright," Elyse said carefully. "You're not broken Rachel. When you're ready and things are right, it will be beautiful. But you're still young. You all are."

…...

An hour later, Elyse had long since left and they had all been fed and medicine had been ingested.

Shelby handed Quinn a bottle of water and a few pills. "Sit up and take this," she instructed. "Rachel, you too," she said handing Rachel a few other pills and her own bottle of water. She was seated in Santana's lap. Casually leaning against her in silence.

"Play with us, Quinn," Santana said reaching around the eleven year old as she set up the Scrabble board on the TV table between the beds.

"No, I'm fine," Quinn replied.

"Come on, we do it by teams," Noah encouraged.

"Only because you suck at spelling," Santana reminded.

"You and I can be on a team," Shelby suggested as she adjusted Quinn's pillows so that the blonde could sit up.

"Fine," she mumbled with a faint smile..

"Wanna play?" Santana asked quietly into Rachel's ear.

The girl has barely talked since she came out of her time with Elyse. She simply held onto Santana in silence. Dinner hadn't been as much as a struggle as it was simply tiring. However, it was the same as before. Quinn had to be reminded to eat as Rachel was basically talked through it. Evening settle and now they were basically waiting for the girls' medicine to set in.

Rachel shook her head and leaned back to into Santana's chest.

"Kay," Santana whispered drawing the tiles. "Let's see."

Noah whispered in her ear and Santana laid down the first word. "Cat"

Rachel looked up at Noah and Santana was a slight frown. Santana shrugged. "You didn't want to play, bug. Therefore, Noah and I will put down the words."

Quinn grinned and whispered into Shelby's ear. Shelby played their tiles. "Tenacious."

Noah looked at the women. "Whoa, that's a good word." He nodded at Santana and they put down their word. "Sit."

Rachel looked at Noah in frustration. "What?" he asked.

Shelby watched Quinn smile again. "Thrust."

Shelby grinned. "Whoa triple word score. Good move, Quinn."

"What should we do?" Noah whispered. "I think we can spell 'is.' Why do we always get the stupid letters that can't spell anything"?

Rachel glared up at them. "Do you have something to say?" Santana asked.

The girl looked at the board as if it was obvious what move to do.

"Yes?" Noah asked. "You want to do 'is' too?"

"No," Rachel frowned. "You have to play quiz," she burst out. "The Q and Z land on triple letters," she said with an exasperated sigh.

Santana smiled. "Really? They do?"

Noah laughed. "Now would you look at that," he said with a grin as he laid down the tiles.

Rachel sat back against Santana's chest again and mumbled something. "What was that?" Santana asked.

"Sixty-two points," Rachel said more loudly. "Your is would have been worth two..." She looked at her family. "Just saying."

"Too bad you're not playing, bug," Shelby said. "Looks like that team needs you."

She shrugged.

Quinn and Shelby played 'zones' and landed on a double word tile as well as a triple letter for thirty-two points.

Noah reached over and played a word without consulting anyone. He added 'est' to "Quiz."

"Noah," Rachel hissed. "That's not a word."

"It's not," Shelby assured with a grin.

"You're not playing, Rach," he said with a shrug. "It's a word, Ma."

She sighed and shook her head. "Noah, that's not a word and that is cheating."

"It is a word-" he argued.

"It's really not," Santana assured.

"What does it matter," he said rolling his eyes as he took the tiles off the board. "You said you weren't playing."

"Now I am so get it off the board," she said pulling on Santana's shirt. "Play this word instead."

Twenty minutes and ninety-three points later, Noah, Santana and Rachel lost only by two points. Quinn had laid back into the pillow and was just whispering words for Shelby to play. She was the first to fall asleep as she whispered words with her eyes closed. Rachel too couldn't fight sleep and slumped back against Santana.

"She asleep?" Santana asked her mother.

Shelby nodded. They picked up the game and tucked the girls in. Noah slouched in the bed next to Rachel and turned on the television.

"Hold on, Noah, can I talk to you two in the kitchen please?"

Santana exchanged a look with her brother as they followed Shelby into the kitchen. It reminded Santana of the time that she and Noah filled up water balloons with pudding and threw them at the neighbor's house after their dog had scared Rachel.

"Thank you for all your help today," she said briefly.

Santana looked at her mother.

"What?"

Shelby went on. "You both are still grounded, but it's eight and I want you to get out of the house." Shelby frowned. "Your grandfather offered to take you out for ice cream and I believe that Brittany and Michael Chang will meet you there."

"Seriously?" Santana asked.

Shelby laughed. "Yes," she said with an amused grin. "You're still being escorted, but I want you guys to get out of the house.

"You don't need us here?" Noah asked.

"Go get your coat. Your grandfather is outside." Noah hesitated and looked into the living room. "You'll call if something happened?"

Shelby nodded. "They'll be fine. Get your coats."

"Noah, grab mine," Santana called as he left the room. She looked at her mother hesitantly. She noticed her aunt and grandmother lingering at the sink still cleaning up from dinner. "I wanted to apologize," she whispered. "About before."

Shelby frowned for a moment, thinking. "Oh, thank you, Santana. I know it was confusing but it's not your responsibility." She took Santana's hands. "Santana, I know that I wasn't there before but I am here now and for forever - I love that you are willing to step in but you are 16 years old and I am not going to let you become a parent you are too young. Now go and get ice cream with your grandfather before I change my mind and put you to bed early with the girls."

The girl gave a tiny smile. "This is hard for me, Mom," she whispered. "Letting go. I can kinda see why, but it's still hard."

"I know," Shelby muttered and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you for trying."

Santana nodded into her chest. "Thank you, too."

Shelby sighed and watched her children leave out the back door. She sat heavily at the counter on one of the bar stools and Joey set a glass of wine in front of her. "The day's almost done," she assured.

Shelby rolled her eyes and took a sip.

"Physically, how are they doing?" Helen asked as she dried her hands.

"Their incision sites are fine. Low grade fevers but that's to be expected. Rachel's still pretty … raw," Shelby managed. "I think the cream is helping. The girls might wake up in the middle of the night for some pain meds. Do we still have plenty of those Ensure shakes they can take their meds with?"

Helen nodded as she double checked the fridge. "Yup, I ran to the store earlier." Shelby looked at her thankfully.

"Is Rachel in bed for the night? Do you need to change her?" Joey asked.

"She's all set. She's wearing a pad to bed so I won't disturb her unless she wakes up on her own and wants to be changed," Shelby replied glancing into the living room. "Applying that stuff isn't getting any easier. She exhausts herself sobbing and then... we went and talk to Elyse and that exhausted me."

Shelby looked into her glass of wine with a shake of her head willing herself not to lose it. As if on queue, Bear walked through the back door.

"Hey stranger, where were you all afternoon?" Joey asked kissing her husband.

Bear eyed Shelby. "We need to talk."

The mother sighed. "Can I finish my glass of wine first?"

Bear nodded grabbing a beer. "You're gonna want another," he said heavily.

**There you go. Let me know what you think. Not as long as I wanted it to be, but still about 11,500. I hope it's alright. Please review. **

**Thank you for your endless support of this little story and taking this ride with me. Don't worry for any of you concerned I still have plenty up my sleeve. **


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

amandaes417 – Believe it or not I always do worry if it's alright. So thank you for letting me know that it is. That is a tough conversation that Rachel had to have to mom and Elyse. She is so confused by sex and a sex talk at that age is confusing enough without all of the trauma that she has endured. San will have bits and pieces of letting herself open up but it won't come all at once because that is not in her nature. I will try and fit in more flashbacks I promise. Thanks for reviewing my story.

maddy449 – Thank you for loving my story and telling me. It really does help a lot. San is really trying to let go a little of her mothering role with Rachel but it is going to be hard and it will have its challenges. These are such tough situations that even adults struggle with. Thanks for the review.

Piper – all the trials are going to be gut-wrenching but the authorities will do everything in their power to help Quinn and the rest of the girls through each one. Quinn will definitely see her father and have to testify against her father when and if there is a trial – her mother will be there defending her husband too but Quinn will not have to be in the court room everyday and Shelby will make sure she is only there when she is absolutely needed. Thank you for the review.

SuzQQ – I hate hearing that you are having a bad week. I know it must be super bad because you always give such insight into my story. I hope you like this update and I hope your week gets better. Thanks

Scout – You are correct Bear does not have good news. I won't be getting into the background of Will much. Unfortunately there are monsters in this world for no justifiable reason. It just happens. He is a monster and that is that. The next couple of chapters are going to be tough reads as well.

TommyH – Thank you so much for always reviewing. I will try to incorporate more Rachel and Puck I promise.

look4me – Quinn and Santana are becoming like sisters should be and it will continue but not without it bumps. I will try and give you a flashback or two with Frannie and Quinn but obviously it will not be pretty. Russell's trial will most likely be first and foremost, Judy's will be secondary. Thank you so much I am glad you are enjoying the story.

Sammi – I promise I am updating as fast as I can. Some of these chapters take a lot out of me and I need a small break from them. Thanks for reviewing.

wonderwall85 – Wow I am impressed. To be able to write and function after reading this all at once. Thanks for sticking with it.

Fangirl44 – Sorry for the emotional rollercoaster. Therapy is going to be tough for all the girls. Quinn is part of this family now but reliving her experience with her original family is going to be tough. Santana is starting to realize it but she is going to be filling a little guilty because she actually will enjoy it. Thanks for the review.

Ryoko05 – Your welcome. Shelby and the rest of the family are going to continue to discourage Santana from playing the mother role. They understand fully why she has done it and still does but it is not healthy for their relationship and Santana is still only 16 years old – she needs to have a childhood of her own. Thanks for reviewing and sorry for making you make that comment.

Cookie07 – San will continue with therapy to try and make her realize that she never let Rachel fall. There is so much that was out of her control. But years of therapy will try and get that out of head. I am glad you enjoyed watching a piece of the "little Corcorans" before Hiram and everything tried to destroy them. I wanted to show that San was always like she is now and Noah is very similar too. Elyse has a tough job with all of the girls but she is a trained trauma therapist so she is definitely used to it. Thanks for reviewing.

Ellybelly07 – You will have to wait and see what happened but I will let you in on a secret – he did not escape. Rachel will have private sex ed but with Elyse and Shelby. Thanks for the review.

A C one – Sorry I didn't actually want to end of the cliffhanger but I had to because it fit better. Santana is slowly relinquishing the role as parent and she needs to so that she can heal too. Unfortunately the therapy sessions will continue to be heartbreaking and even with therapy I think the trials will also be heartbreaking. Thanks for reviewing though.

OTHangels – thank you so much!

cbell123 – Here you are with what happens next. Sorry for the semi cliffhanger. Thanks for your review.

Unicorn20089 – Hello back! I am glad you love the family bonding. I can just picture all 3 of them being siblings so that's where it came from.

Kimberlli- Sorry to do that to you. It wasn't where I had originally planned on ending it but I needed to get it posted so sorry about that. Thanks for reading and reviewing!.

marinka4 – I promise to try and fit in more of the happier scenes for you. Thanks for R&R.

lovecanbesostrange – Thank you for your wonderful review. You really hit the nail on the head. Your understanding of the characters is completely honest and true. I appreciate it more than you know. I was especially impressed on your recognition of the complexity of Rachel and Santana's relationship. It is a hard situation where there are no easy answers. I appreciate that you enjoyed Quinn and Elyse's talk. Somehow they'll make progress, but it won't be overnight. Rachel's confusion will continue for awhile. She is still very blurry about what happened between her and Will and ultimately her and Hiram. And this absence of clarity may prove to be more hurtful to Rachel than knowing. SHe is too young. They all are. Thank you again. Your reviews bring my so much joy. Thank you for understanding these characters.

alopez208 – Thank you so much for your review. It made me smile. I hope you like this chapter as well.

Lolathe17th – there will be more San / Joey talks and I will also be trying to fit in some more of the nicer flashbacks because those are important too. Santana and Quinn both care more about others at this point than they do about themselves and Elyse will work with both of them on that. Thanks for your review.

GleeFanatic1988 – A little more San/Britt in this chapter for you and there will be more coming I promise. I don't want it to be forced though. Thank you for reviewing.

NinjaGleek21 – Once again thank you for the cookies. I enjoy them. Scrabble was a favorite of mine. Thanks for the review.

Renata – Rachel and Quinn do have a long road ahead of them but so does Santana but there is a large loving family looking out for all of them. They will have many more talks with Rachel about sex because she does not get it right now. It is very hard for an eleven year old to understand and on top of that one that has been raped so there are many more talks with Rachel about sex and how with the right person and situation it is a beautiful thing. Please do not get yourself in trouble reading and reviewing my story at work I love my faithful readers and I need them to stay employed. As always – thanks for the review.

Drea LuRuiz – I am glad you caught that. It is such a true statement from Santana that I had to use it. If I wrote for Glee though – my show would not air at 8:00 on a regular network and it would most certainly not be a comedy. That being said the writing for this season for the show was beyond atrocious and the characters were all over the place. Especially the girls. You may need a glass of wine for this chapter as well. Thanks for reviewing.

broadwaybound2016 – Thank you for your kind words. That was one of my favorite flashbacks to write. I can so picture Santana doing that when she was little and Shelby being so worried and Leroy loving it and watching his Taz take right over. Oh how things would have been so different if he hadn't died. Thank you.

Filmaddict – I am sorry for the cliffhanger. I had wanted to go into it but I didn't have the time and I wanted to post it so I had to leave it there. Please forgive me. No screaming allowed. It is going to be a tough road for Quinn to have to tell the story before she is ready but to be honest I have no idea when she would be ready to tell the story and on a witness stand would not be a good place. So as gently as possible they will get her to tell the story once and for all. I really wonder how all these kids would have turned out if none of this had happened but we will never know so we need to move forward and make them realize that they can go on and be productive happy people. Sorry again for the cliffhanger (you can blame most of it on my beta) and thank you for your support.

Jamison08 – Thank you so much. Here you go.

**A/N You may be frustrated. I'm frustrated for this family. However, this had to happen because the prosecution is right. **

**Please read with caution. THis chapter has flashbacks that can be triggering. **

**Not super happy with this chapter, but something is better than nothing, right? Please let me know what you think. Thank you all for reading. **

Chapter 40

"So what is it?" Shelby asked taking a sip of wine as she leaned back heavily in her chair.

"Don't freak out," he began.

She gawked at him in disbelief. "You're the chief of police and you start with that? Surely, you have more tact than that."

"I'm talking to you as my sister-in-law." He narrowed his eyes and watched her carefully. "He made bail."

"What?"

"The ADA couldn't hold him because of the flaws in Rachel's testimony," he said heavily. "The lawyer wants to suppress the stuff from the house because they are questioning the search warrant. They're saying we had no right to enter...They're bringing it in front of the judge tomorrow-"

"Who is?" Joey interjected grabbing her own goblet of wine.

Bear looked at her and paused.

"Spit it out, Lawrence," Helen scolded.

The man sighed. "Felix Duncan is representing him... and Russell..."

"Scum attracts scum," Joey hissed.

Bear shook his head. "They don't have anyone that saw him kidnap Rachel. And that bastard is saying that he found her at school and was helping her They're building a case around what happened in New York and how she was unstable and took his caring efforts to comfort her wrong. Her underwear found in his office only had urine on it according to the lab so they can't use it and it is an explanation on why it is there."

Shelby shook her head in shock. "You've got to be kidding."

"I wish I was," he replied. "Schuester is saying that Quinn went to him for sex and then when he said no she got angry and hit him with the music stand."

"WHAT?" Shelby yelled.

"You're going to wake them," Helen said gently as she set down a plate of cookies in front of her daughters.

"Cookies will not help!" Shelby hissed.

Joey reached forward and grabbed three as Bear went on.

"Schuester' s trying to press charges against her. They have someone else that said that Quinn asked for sex willing to testify so we have issues there because also her father says she is a slut ." Bear's voice reached a breaking point. Shelby gripped her glass harder. "They're using everything that these girls went through against them." He watched Shelby put her head in her hands and he went on. "They know she was pregnant and her mother is saying that she killed the baby so we need to get what happened to the baby and we need it soon. Will also has Suzy Pepper who said nothing happened to her and the other kids that have said anything have just said that he was creepy and he never touched them." He shook his head. "I think they're getting scared. People don't want to come forward." He sighed. " We do not have the dress back from the lab yet but Rachel's testimony is too confusing and she is adding things that couldn't have happened. They may let him out on bail and he would be free before the trial which is in a couple of months. The one good thing is that the school is not going to allow him back until this matter is settled."

Shelby glared at him. "Good thing? Seriously?" She slammed her hand on the table. "GOOD THING?" She stood up and grabbed the bottle of wine to refill her glass but Joey beat her to it and simply handed Shelby the bottle from her glass. Helen frowned at her daughters and refilled Shelby's glass and put the bottle back on the counter.

The woman looked at her family. "What do you want me to say? How am I supposed to tell them this?" She waved her arm. "Rachel can barely sleep now! Quinn... I just... How do I do this?"

Joey looked at her sister. "Elyse is coming back tomorrow. Tell the kids then." She looked at her husband. "Dad will drive Rachel around as you tell the older three."

"Drive her around?"

"You remember last time," Joey insisted. "We need to slowly expose her to being outside of this house or she won't ever want to leave."

Shelby nodded quietly agreeing with her sister.

"Then we'll bring Rachel back once Santana has finished breaking things."

"Joey, that's not funny..."

"I know but it's true..." she pushed.

"Go to bed," Helen coaxed. "I'll wait up for the kids. They're ride is mine anyway."

"I can wait up," she said weakly.

"Just go lay with the girls. The kids will be back soon."

Shelby sighed and opened the double doors into the family room that her mother had closed. She looked at the girls. "Kay," she whispered. She walked into the living room and kicked off her shoes. She leaned over and tucked Rachel in more underneath the comforter. She planted a gentle kiss on Rachel's slumbering furrowed brow. Rachel physically relaxed under Shelby's tender touch. She crawled into bed with Quinn and rested her head on the pillows behind Quinn's. "Kay," she whispered.

…..

"Really?" Mike asked looking at Brittany.

The blonde frowned. "Yeah," she said with a shrug. "Sprinkles make the ice cream..."

"Ice cream makes the ice cream," Mike explained. "Plus you got a milk shake..."

"I really like sprinkles," the blonde said with a shrug and looked at Santana. "They're in here." She looked through the milk shake. Sprinkles in every bite... Well, sip."

Santana rolled her eyes and smiled hooking her arm with Brittany. "We'll be at this picnic table."

Noah rolled his eyes and nodded at Mike a table. "Pop-Pop, you know Mike right?"

The older man held out his hand. Nice to meet you, son," he said.

"Thanks for coming..." Noah said sheepishly. "My ma called you?"

"Yeah," Mike shrugged taking a seat. "Said you might need someone to talk to... and she would buy me ice cream..."

Noah smiled and looked at his grandfather who sat in an adirondack chair between the picnic tables that they were sitting at.

"I haven't really told you …. anything about my family..." he said carefully.

Mike shrugged. "Figured you would eventually... but I wasn't gonna hound you." He gave him a reassuring smile. "You know?" He sighed. "What's going on, buddy?"

Noah shook his head and leaned over his ice cream, thankful that he got marshmallow topping. "You don't want to know." He looked up and made eye contact with Mike. "Schuester is an asshole," he said quietly. "He attacked my sisters"

Mike straightened and looked over at Santana and Brittany. "What?" he asked. "Are they...What?"

He nodded his head and continued. "That's why Quinn wrecked my car. She was trying to get away from that bastard."

Mike narrowed his eyes. "I'll kill him when I see him." He thought for a moment and took a breath. "Wait, he hurt San and Quinn?"

Noah kneaded his lip. "Not Santana," he muttered.

The boy stared back at him in shock. "Wha-Wha...What?" He shook his head. "She's nine..."

"Eleven," he chuckled. He smiled faded. "Yeah..." He stirred his partially "They aren't doing too well - they were hurt pretty bad in the accident. Quinn was trying to get her and Rachel away from him. They both had to have surgery and he messed big time with their heads."

Mike stared back at him.

Noah took a deep breath. "San is freaked out and my family wants me to still apply to schools. " He leaned forward and lowered his tone. "I am freaking out man." He looked over at the girls. "When San and Quinn get back to school I need you to help me make sure no one goes near them."

"Absolutely," he said quickly. "They're my friends. And I-"

Noah cut him off. "Quinn's my family now. She's not just staying with us. She isn't just a friend anymore. She lives with us. From now on and no one, especially Hudson, is saying one word about her or they will hear from me."

Mike grinned. "Trust me. From me too." He shook his head. "I'm sorry, man." He looked in Noah's eyes. "I've heard rumors, but I can't even begin to imagine..."

Noah just nodded. "It's … It's hard..."

"Tell me what you need and I'll be there." Mike smiled. "Except illegal stuff... My parents want me back by ten-thirty."

"I need to go on this trip..." he trailed off. "It's more than just getting away. I have some other issue that I need to deal with." Mike looked back at him as he went on. "Do you want to take a road trip with me?"

"I told you I would," Mike said. "New York right?"

Noah nodded his head.

Mike continued, "Alright then we will have to find a way to get around our parents."

"Yea, we'll also have to use your car...but its important."

Mike smiled. "Then we'll figure out how to make it happen."

…..

Santana watched her brother carefully as she stirred her half melted ice cream.

"It's turning to mush," the blond said interrupting her busied thoughts. "How are you doing?"

Santana shrugged. "I don't...I don't know. Fine, I guess," she mumbled. "I'm glad you're here though," she muttered looking up at her.

Brittany nodded. She leaned over and took the girl's hand.

"Rach and Q aren't doing well," she whispered, continuing to hold onto Brittany's hand but not looking at her. "They keep asking her about the baby-" She looked at Brittany with wide eyes. "I know you heard stuff at school but... Don't tell her we're talking about this."

The blonde nodded nervously. "Course."

"Um... I'm just nervous for her..." The brunette looked at her ice cream. "I'm sorry... I …. " She gave a weak smile. "Okay. Sorry. Here to get away from the drama and -"

"Don't apologize," Brittany whispered. "I'm just glad you're talking to me."

"I want to tell you everything but," she said with a quiet shrug.

"Don't start with everything." She smiled. "Paintball was fun this morning. I'm glad you played."

She nodded. "Me too." She pressed her lips together. "Rachel's clinging on to me..." Brittany looked at her. "More than usual..." she bit her lips. "Living in New York with my stepdad was hard on her... and... yeah..."

Brittany frowned. "I didn't know that your mom married twice."

Santana gulped and looked at her with hesitation. "She didn't. My Dad was gay..." She frowned and looked at the girl. "My family was …. really well known in New York... They were in entertainment... You didn't know that?..." She searched Brittany's eyes. "Anyone who wants to... Can look things up..." She shook her head. "You knew what my mom did..."

Brittany sighed.. "I knew what your mother did...I didn't ask about your dad because," she trailed off quietly. "You got this look in your eye... You got so sad and I felt like you were slipping through my fingers. So I didn't ask. I didn't ask because you meant too much to me to pry it out of you..." She bit her lip. "That's not what I meant. I just...I didn't want to hurt you... I really wanted to know a few times I did," she said quietly. "You're my friend. My best friend. So I didn't...want hurt you. "

Santana narrowed her eyes. "You didn't look... at all?"

She shook her head. "No." She frowned. "When I met you it was two almost three years earlier... I knew something had happened but..." She shrugged. "When you're ten that's a lifetime and you don't care, you know?"

"No," Santana mumbled. "It's not a lifetime..." She looked down at her ice cream. "I'm sorry."

Brittany sighed. "What do you mean Rachel is clingy?"

Santana shook her head. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Listen, do you want a distraction?"

She smiled. "You know it."

"My sister's home," Brittany muttered.

"Why?"

"Because my parents found out that she changed her major..." Brittany mumbled. Santana smiled. The blonde followed suit. "I know. I mean. She really wants to be an artist. … but she doesn't know if art school is her thing. If it's too strict in their guidelines of expression or whatever."

Santana laughed. "Either way, art school is a lot different than the pre law track she told your parents she was doing..."

Brittany grinned. "Even though, she's a junior she can change her major at any time. At least that's her argument."

She arched a brow at the girl. "Your parents are paying for pre-law. Not all the art electives that she's taking. Plus if she's a junior. If she keeps changing her major she won't graduate on time."

She nodded. "That's the issue. She's wasn't even trying to get into the pre-law society. Saying that my parents were disappointed in her was an understatement. They're having her look at art schools for the spring." Brittany shrugged at Santana's surprise. "They realized that they can't force her into something she never really wanted. She idolized my grandmother, who you know was one of the best lawyers Columbus has ever seen and a woman to boot. But they … it took them awhile to separate idolizing her from admiring and respecting her doesn't mean Melanie wanted to emulate her."

Santana nodded. "Did you tell them... about what you wanted to do?"

Brittany rolled her eyes. "They did talk to me about my future for about an hour. I had to remind them I was only a sophomore but they said it was never too early...and then we had to talk about the repercussions of being suspended..."

The brunette's smile faded. "What you did that day... You didn't have to-"

Brittany frowned. "Of course, I did!" She frowned. "I know that Quinn and I haven't been close for awhile, but she is still my friend..." She looked at the ground. "We grew up together." She looked into Santana's dark eyes. "Her family was terrible to her and she had no one. Frannie tortured her. She was so terrible to her at the country club." She looked at Santana gently. "I'm so happy that you call her family now."

Santana shrugged sheepishly. "Whatever, she is. So what?" Brittany looked down at her ice cream. Santana watched her carefully. "What's wrong?"

"Just thinking," she mumbled.

"What about?"

"I didn't... I didn't … nevermind," the blonde gave a weak smile. "I just... I'm glad she has you. She needs you."

Santana stirred her melted ice cream. "I need her, too." She gave a tight grin. "But I need you too. So much."

"Ditto," Brittany replied.

"I'll be here. For anything."

"I know."

They both stared at each other quietly.

"We should get going guys," Michael interrupted all of them.

They all stood and Santana could see the boys stand and murmur quietly. She looked at the ground sheepishly. "Good night."

Brittany leaned forward, pulling the girl's chin up so that they made eye contact. "I'll see you later?"

Santana nodded and tilted her head into Brittany's hand. The blonde leaned forward and she was grateful for her instincts because she didn't pull away. And ever so softly and their lips touched. Santana fell into the kiss. They had been friends since they were ten years old and had kissed in play many times and later when they were older, kissed in sneaky passion, but in that moment it was true and genuine. In that moment everything seemed to stop.

She felt Brittany pull away, but she kept her eyes closed hoping to savor the moment for a the rest of her life. However, like every perfect moment, it ended. It had to, or else she wouldn't realize its perfection.

"Sweet baby jesus," Mike muttered.

"DUDE! Lay off that's my sister and her … um girlfriend." Noah made eye contact with her. Right? his eyes asked her. Santana gave him a weak nod, still stunned by perfection.

"Sorry," he muttered. "We should all hang out... See a movie or something...We're all friends, right?"

Noah looked at Santana, well-aware that movies, more particularly dark places weren't her thing. He opened his mouth to say something.

"We actually prefer drive-ins," Brittany interrupted. She crinkled her nose and smiled at Mike. "Why share seats with gross people when you can watch in your car and look at the stars if it becomes boring?"

She didn't notice Noah looking at her, appreciatively, but grabbed Santana's hand.

"Right," Mike laughed. "That sounds great." He shrugged. "When you're not grounded."

Santana gave a tiny grin. "Yeah I don't know when the warden will let us out?"

"Say goodnight," Michael chuckled.

Brittany leaned in again and their cheeks touched and whispered quietly in her ear. "Night."

Santana felt herself leaning in again. There may have been a moment when she forgot why she loved the blonde, why she was going through the turmoil in her head. However, in that moment she realized that she felt so indescribably at peace with Brittany. It was as if the most peaceful butterflies were fluttering gently in her stomach, exciting her but enticing her to never let go. It was the most perfect feeling that she could never describe. It simply was home.

"Night," she replied.

She followed her brother and grandfather to the car but couldn't help looking over her shoulder again. Brittany waved. Yeah, she told herself silently. Perfect. She stared out the window and climbed into bed when she returned home. Her mother and sisters were already sound asleep. Shelby had her arms wrapped protectively around Quinn. Santana readied for bed and climbed next to Rachel. Rachel always felt like home, but Brittany felt different. She felt like a future. And for one brief moment she relaxed and fell into sleep away from the reality.

…

"I don't want this," Quinn muttered as she stared at the oatmeal and pushing it away slightly.

"Too bad," Joey replied, pushing it back toward her.

She rolled her eyes and looked next to her. Rachel was sitting between Santana and her at the counter.

"I don't either," the girl muttered after watching Quinn push it way.

"I'm arguing," Joey said. "Eat or be fed."

"Joey," Shelby scolded from the breakfast table behind them.

"I'll do it," she said looking at the girls.

The two of them looked at the oatmeal.

"I'll do it," Joey said again. "Don't test me."

"Jo," Shelby hissed setting down the paper. "That's one option. She feeds you. Another option is drink all the shake and you then you will be eating a full lunch with me later today."

Rachel frowned and began to slowly eat it and Quinn sighed but followed suit.

"Rach, Pop-Pop wants to take you to the store with him to get some groceries."

"Mumma, I don't want to," she said quickly looking at the family in panic.

Santana narrowed her eyes. "What's going on?"

Shelby shook her head. "I need things, Rach," she said with a smile. "And you know what to get. you make the grocery list and if you don't go then Pop-Pop won't get the right things." Shelby caught her eldest daughter's eye. "You need to get out anyway," she finished.

Santana knew that look. She wanted her to get out. They needed to talk.

"Yeah," Santana chimed in. "You should go. And pick up my cereal okay?"

Quinn looked up and saw there were several silent conversations going on: Shelby and Santana, Santana and Rachel.

"I can go too," the blonde offered.

"No," Shelby replied casually. "I would like for you to stay here and help tidy up." She smiled. "You're still grounded remember?" She smiled. "Plus, you three are still suspended this week." They looked around cautiously. "A tutor is coming in on Monday."

"I'm sorry, what?" Noah gawked.

"Noah," Helen said with a warning frown that echoed her disapproval. She leaned down and kissed Rachel softly on the top of her head. "I'll go with you and Pop-Pop." Rachel nodded and leaned back against her as she continued to pick slowly at her oatmeal.

"She's quite fun," Shelby said as she went on. "Trust me. You really didn't think I was going to have you out of school and no school work for an entire week did you? Anyway, I expect chores still to be done. "

"I haven't checked the mail in awhile," Rachel said apologetically.

"That's fine," Shelby replied. "Make sure you let someone know when you go out to get it, but I expect it to continue to be sorted. I want you to keep the beds made in the living room. Quinn, you too. Noah and Santana, clean upstairs and -"

"Noah?" Rachel whispered, but loud enough for everyone to hear clearly as she casually took a bite of oatmeal. "Who was the letter from?"

Santana watched as her brother not so subtly widened his eyes.

"What letter?" he asked shoving a spoonful of cereal in his mouth.

"I sort the mail," she said casually. "I put that letter in your mail bin. We never get mail. It wasn't marked, remember? You promised you would tell me who it was from."

The entire family was staring at him. "I told you, Rach." He mumbled. "It was from Aunt Kate."

"But I thought-"

"I need to shower. Shower, yeah," he said putting another colossal spoonful in his mouth and sprinting up the backstairs.

They turned to Shelby for an explanation. "It wasn't marked?" the mother asked her youngest casually still looking after her son.

Rachel shook her head and took another bite of oatmeal. "Mom," she whispered. Shelby broke her gaze from the stairwell to look at her. Rachel's eyes begged her to come closer. "I need to go to the bathroom," she whispered once Shelby was closer. "Will you … help me?"

Shelby nodded thankful that she didn't ask Santana.

"Be back in a second," she said. "I want that food finished girls.

Santana looked over at Quinn. "Where are they going?"

Quinn shrugged.

"Get out of here, sweetheart," Helen encouraged turning to Joey as she started rinsing out the plates. "You need a shower."

"Thanks, Mom," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"I'm going to um..." She trailed off and looked at the girls. "Run to the office," she finished. "Need to get some work done."

"Where's Bear?" Santana asked as she ate a bite of her cereal.

Joey shrugged. "At work...I think..."

Quinn shook her head. "Shouldn't you know?"

Joey shrugged and said her goodbyes.

"Why are they taking so long?" Santana asked looking in the direction of the downstairs bathroom.

"They're fine, Sanny," she said. "Let them be."

Santana sighed heavily and put her bowl in the dishwasher. She looked back at the bathroom sharply when she heard a tiny sob.

"Santana, help me with the laundry please. We have towels to fold," Helen said in a tone that was more of an order than a suggestion

The girl started toward the restroom.

"Santana, now," Helen said more sharply. "We need to finish these towels and linens before we go to the store."

Quinn looked at Santana and the girl made eye contact with her briefly.

"Just listen to her," Quinn said. "Rach will be fine." The blonde watched the battle in Santana's eyes. "She's fine. She's just hurting," Quinn said again.

Santana pushed her tongue into her cheek to suck back her tears and followed Helen into the laundry room.

Quinn picked at her oatmeal. "I want that finished," Helen called from the laundry room. The girl rolled her eyes and started quietly toward the sink to wash it down the garbage disposal.

The doorbell interrupted her attempt to be sneaky. She groaned.

The doorbell rang. Quinn looked over her shoulder. No one seemed to be responding. "I'll get it," she muttered as she stood and walked to the door.

"Can I help you?" She narrowed her eyes. She recognized him. "You're Captain Marshall." He nodded. She pointed behind her. "My mom's with my sister." She didn't notice a tiny smile at the edges of the man's mouth. She didn't notice Helen coming in behind her still.

"Captain, what can we do for you?" she asked.

"Just need to speak with Mrs. Corcoran, ma'am," she said quietly.

"Captain," Shelby said entering the foyer with her arm wrapped around Rachel's shoulders. "Can I help you?"

"Just wanted to give you an update," he said carefully.

The mother nodded.

"Come on, girls," Helen said ushering the girls into the kitchen. Rachel leaned her tear stained face into Santana's side and took Quinn's hand despite the blonde's frown of surprise. "Your mother won't be happy if you don't finish your oatmeal."

Shelby didn't miss the eyeroll at the girl's disappeared. "Can we speak in here?" she asked leading him into the study.

"He's out on bail," he said once they were in the study. He noted the absence of surprise in her face. "I figured you knew, but I needed to tell you."

"What are you doing about it?" she asked with a sigh.

"He has an ankle bracelet," he said with a sigh. "We can also station a car in front of your house, but we'll be able to monitor his whereabouts and he's not supposed to come 100 feet near your family. He's on house arrest."

"I can't keep these four kinds in this house all day long. We're still going to go about our lives."

He nodded. "I encourage you to do so." He looked at her. "How are they?"

"Physically... they're healing. Rachel's struggling and so is Quinn." She looked up with her arms folded. "Are you working on that investigation?"

"Against Quinn's father?" he sighed and leaned against the desk. "Now, I am. Because Bear is essentially her uncle, they've brought me in to oversee the investigation as well."

"He is her uncle," she said sharply.

He smiled. "She called you her mother." Shelby looked up with frown. "When she answered the door. She's letting you in."

Shelby gave a tiny smile.

"Okay."

…..

Noah flipped through the channels casually. Captain Marshall had left about fifteen minutes priot.

"Those don't look like chores," Shelby echoed through from the kitchen. "I don't hear vacuuming. Santana and Quinn, you best be dusting. I don't want to see any dust on any surfaces. I expect things to be spotless."

Santana rolled her eyes and looked at her brother. "Who the hell sent you a letter?" she asked as she wiped a picture frame and put it back on the shelf and grabbed another to dust.

"No one," he frowned. "It was just junk."

"You're the worst liar ever," she hissed.

Quinn nodded. "You kinda are."

"Drop it.. It doesn't matter." He looked at Quinn. "Can you even stand and dust don't you have a lung or something missing?"

"Spleen, Noah," Santana replied. "You need both your lungs."

"Do you have two spleens? Heart's the only one you have one of right?"

The girls looked at him. "Seriously?"

The doorbell rang and echoed through the house. Santana shook her head and went to answer it. Shelby followed behind her as she opened the door. She shook her head when she opened the door and saw who was standing there. She turned and looked at her mother. "Is this why you sent Rachel away?"

"Santana, don't be rude," she said sharply. "Come in Elyse. Santana apologize."

"I'm sorry that you have to chaperone our conversations," she said haughtily.

"Santana, that's enough!" Shelby said in a raised voice causing the girl to jump.

A few minutes later the three of them were sitting across from Shelby. Elyse was standing to the side. Santana looked between them, skeptically.

"You called her over here so that you can stare at us?"

"Santana," Shelby warned again. "I mean it."

"What is it that you needed to ask us?" Quinn asked. She looked at her siblings. "At the same time...and without Rachel. However, you tend to do everything without her."

"That's not true," Santana said turning to her.

Quinn arched her brow, challengingly.

"Enough," Shelby warned.

"You're being rude, Santana and embarrassing yourself more than anyone else," Elyse interjected surprising everyone.

"Santana, you are on thin ice right now. One more rude comment is going to earn you another writing or two and trust me you are not going to like it. If this behavior continues, you'll move back upstairs," Shelby warned causing Santana to pause. "I want you with us downstairs and I think you do too.. However, if you continue your rude behavior you're going to be grounded to your room. "Do you understand?"

"Yes," she nodded. She looked at Elyse. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you," Shelby said exchanging a quick gentle look with Santana. The girl looked down at her hands. They both were aware that this what what she did when she felt scared and out of control. They knew that things were impending.

She took a deep breath and looked at the kids. She moved closer to them so that she was sitting next to Quinn on the couch with Santana on the chair across from her while Noah leaned against the arm of the chair.

"Will Schuester made bail," Shelby said clearly.

For a single moment the room froze. Shelby watched the kids careful. Quinn had her head bowed and stared at the ground.

"What?" Santana asked.

"Why? When?" Noah asked. "You sent them out there. You sent Rachel out there - And he's just roaming free?"

"Noah, he's not roaming free. He's on house arrest and he is being monitored with an ankle bracelet and-"

"That doesn't matter!" Noah hissed standing up and pushing his palms into the temples. "God! Call them bring them back here!"

"They're fine, Noah," she said gently. "Trust me."

She saw Santana shaking her head vigorously. "I don't understand. This doesn't make sense. He kidnapped her." Shelby saw the tears pooling in her eyes. "He... He hurt her..." She shook her head more frantically. "I don't understand."

She took a deep breath as they looked at her for answers. "No one saw him do that." The two older to deflated. "Rachel's testimony is questioned ."

"What? Why?" Quinn asked.

Santana frowned and shook her head. "Quinn was there! She saved rachel, Mom. She-"

"No, she found Rachel afterwards," Shelby said gently. She watched Quinn's face carefully. "Quinn found Rachel's underwear." She paused for a moment again and looked at the kids. "And now he is saying that Quinn wanted sex with him and he refused and that is why she hit him."

She shook her head as the tears flowed without control. "I wouldn't," she whispered. "I didn't have sex with him. I didn't have sex with him." Her voice raised. "I swear. I didn't have sex with him."

The room turned to look at her. Shelby wrapped her arms around her gently. "I know, Quinn. I know you didn't."

She shook her head. "This shouldn't be happening," she whispered sinking into Shelby.

Santana stood and looked around the study. Her eyes landed on a picture of her, Noah and Rachel. It was taken last year at the when they were at Griff's last soccer game of the series. They were huddled in the bleachers. It had been colder than they expected. They were trying to keep warm. Rachel was biting her finger and smiling as she leaned into Santana.

The girl breathed heavily. "God damn it!" she screamed. She used her arm to wipe the pictures and books from the shelf.

"Santana," she said calmly.

The girl pushed her mother away.

"No," she screamed. "No. You need to make this right. She looked at her mother. He can't get away with this. He can't..."

Santana breathed heavily and sat on the ground. "This can't happen to us."

"Santana," Shelby whispered kneeling in front of her.

"No" the girl said pushing her away. "No."

She pushed at her mother but Shelby didn't move. The girl's tears were falling freely. Noah paced heavily around the room as Quinn had her head in her hands, her cast was rough on her face. Santana grabbed the cord of the lamp from the desk and yanked it off. Elyse reached out and grabbed it.

"Santana," Shelby said gently. "I know that this hurts and -"

"You don't know! You don't! I was outside, Mom! I was in the closet! I was there and I didn't do anything! I-I-I was there and now and now he's out and..."

"Santana,"Shelby said softly.

She shook her head. "No." She looked over at her sister. "Are you okay?"

Quinn looked at her. "No." She looked up. Santana recognized the calm in Quinn's eyes. Something was brewing, Santana just wasn't sure what. "You told us without Rachel." It was a mixture of a question as well as a statement.

The mother nodded. "Yes, we haven't told her yet."

"Your mother thought it would be best if we told you three separately," Elyse chimed in.

Santana scoffed. "Because you knew we would lose it? You wanted to protect her from us?"

Elyse looked at her honestly. "We wanted to give you a chance to feel what you would naturally feel."

Santana shook her head and reached out taking Quinn's uncasted hand. "What's gonna happen to him?"

"We're not sure," Shelby said looking around. "We're waiting for evidence to come back from the lab." She looked carefully at Quinn. "They're going to really dissect your testimonies."

Santana shook her head. "And say what? That they made it up?"

The room settle in silence. They all got the answer.

Quinn shook her head and tears flowed.

"Rachel, won't be back for a bit," Shelby said. "Take some time to yourselves-"

"When are you going to tell her?" Noah asked stopping his pacing. Shelby and Elyse exchanged a look. "What?" he asked.

"We're not," Shelby said. "At least not yet."

"Are you kidding?" Noah asked.

"No," Elyse interjected. "We need to sift through all the facts. There's no reason to put her through further trauma until we have all of the facts."

"What facts?" Quinn asked. "She'll want to know this. She'll hate us for not telling her. She is not a child! You can't keep babying her from protecting her from this. You can't protect her from anything. She's not... There's no more innocence left to protect. You can't save her from that."

Santana looked at Quinn as she ranted as the dam began to break, leaking out Quinn's emotions. At that moment, Santana saw something that she never could understand before that moment.

She looked at Quinn tearfully. "Yeah, we can, Quinn."

The blonde snapped her gaze at the slightly older girl, ready to yell but she hesitated. She looked at Santana and in that moment they exchanged a look. "She's not a baby, S," she whispered as if the rest of the room wasn't there.

"We know that," Santana responded, equally ignorant of everyone else in the room. "We're trying to make a genuine effort to conserve the last piece of childhood you have left."

Quinn shook her head, still holding eye contact with Santana "That's gone," she whispered.

"It's not," Santana replied. She knew in her heart that they weren't talking just about Rachel anymore.

"She needs us to be honest with her," she muttered.

"We will be," she said squeezing her hand. "But it's better to wait until we have all the facts." She looked at her mother and Elyse. "Which I don't understand what else we don't have."

Quinn shook her head, both unaware of the impressed looks around them. "Fine, but tell her tomorrow."

Santana leaned back against the wall and looked at her mother. "Tell her tomorrow."

….

They pulled into the small grocery store.

"Nana?" she said from the back seat. "I would prefer to wait in the car."

"That's not a choice, baby bug," Michael said as he parked the car.

"Come on, Rach," Helen said as she opened the door. Rachel shook her head and remained in her seat. She didn't even react to unbuckle. "Sweetheart, get out of the car now."

"No," Rachel whispered. "I wish to stay in the car."

"The faster you get out the car, the faster we leave," Michael said grabbing a pushing grocery cart.

She looked up tearfully, but unbuckled her seat belt.

"We just have to take the first few steps, okay?" Helen held up the list. "We're just picking up a few things."

Rachel took her hand cautiously and followed her into the store. She gripped onto her tightly as they made their way down the aisle.

"I want to go home," she whispered as she looked around at the few people milled around.

"Rachel, I know," Helen said gently. "This is a little but big step. This is hard, but we won't let him win. We won't, right?"

Rachel looked at her with big eyes. She was scared. She was scared that she would see him. She was scared that someone would come around the corner and frighten her. The sane part of her should have reminded her terrified part that he was in jail he was far away. However, she didn't feel safe knowing that. All she felt fear. At home she knew what would come around the corner. Here, she had no idea. She had no control.

"I want to go," she whispered. She looked up at her grandmother. "Please."

Michael knelt down in front of her. "You're being so brave. It's okay to be scared."

She shook her head and the tears fell. "I don't want to be brave. I want my mom."

She saw a father pushing a grocery cart with his young daughter in the seat of the cart. She was bouncing her arms. "Good girl, sweetheart," the father said. "We're almost done, good girl."

She squeezed her eyes shut. She just wanted to go home.

_"Okay I'll do it for you." She let out a whimper as he reached for her. She backed away from him. Her chest breathed heavily. He backed her into the corner. Her back hit something hard and she couldn't move anymore. She was stuck. She looked up at him and he was smiling. He stroked her cheek. _

"_My good girl." _

_She let out a sob as she felt both his hands grip her hips underneath her skirt. She shook her head frantically as he pulled her underwear down. With another swift movement she felt her shirt being opened and her undershirt being ripped down the front. She sobbed and tried to push him off but he pulled her closely to his body. She pounded her fists against him. _

"_Please-Please," she sobbed. _

"_Shhh," he cradled the back of her head and inhaled deeply. "Bend over the desk, Rachel." _

_She sobbed. _

"_Come on, Rachel, be a good girl and bend over." _

Rachel felt a hand cup her cheek and she flinched back. "Please - No," she yelled.

Her eyes were squeezed shut so she couldn't see the father and his baby turn quickly to stare at her. Michael sighed. "It's just me, bug," he whispered.

She opened her eyes slowly and breathed a small sigh of relief. She wrapped her arms around her grandfather's neck. She rested her cheek on her grandfather's shoulder as she let the tears drop onto his sweater. "I had an accident," she stuttered. Michael continued to hold the little girl but looked up at his wife. They didn't have a change of clothes. He sighed. She would have to stay wet until they returned home.

Michael looked up at Helen. "We'll see you at the car."

He said quietly picking Rachel up and headed out of the store. At least, they were able to get her into the store., even if it was only for a few minutes.

…..

Quinn watched as Noah walked down the basement steps and Santana started up the stairs. She thought for a moment, forcing herself to muster up the strength to climb the stairs.

"Quinn, we need to talk to you for a few minutes," Shelby called out as they walked toward the young blonde.

"I would really rather not," she whispered.

"Quinn," she said quietly. "We need to talk."

"I don't want to," she said turning and looking at them.

"Quinn, we need you to talk to us," Elyse said.

"Don't push her," Shelby said carefully. "We just want to talk about the baby."

"I don't want to talk about the baby!" she said with an exhausted sigh. She looked at her tearfully. "No! We're not!"

"Quinn," Shelby said gently. "What aren't you telling us?"

"I told you I can't," she said heavily. She shook her head. "Why aren't you listening to me? And why does it matter? She's dead!" She looked at the women. "It doesn't matter."

"Did you see a doctor?" Elyse asked.

Quinn gawked at her. She realized the women weren't sure. "Yes," she said in frustration. "Okay? Are we done here?"

The women exchanged a look. Elyse nodded.

"Did your mother - Judy -take you?" Elyse asked.

"It doesn't matter. It's over. It's done," she looked at the women but then stared at the floor. She didn't want to be here anymore.

"It does matter," Shelby said sitting next to her. Quinn backed away from the mother. She wasn't in this moment. She couldn't be here. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to talk about this. She slammed her casted arm against the shelf in frustration. "Okay, we won't talk today, but Elyse will be back tomorrow."

She shook her head. "I won't talk about it because it doesn't matter." She looked at Shelby as if she had been betrayed. "I am sick of this! I am sick of everything and obviously talking doesn't help because we are still nowhere near being okay! None of us are! So stop pushing!"

"Okay," Shelby said enveloping Quinn in a hug only to have the blonde try to push her away. "Okay," she whispered gently. "We won't talk."

Quinn fell into the hug. "Okay," she said wiping her tears.

Elyse left. Quinn made her way carefully and slowly up the stairs. She could hear the phone ringing faintly in the background. She crept slowly into her mother's room and then up another flight of stairs. And right where she suspected, Santana sat quietly out on the roof.

"She's going to kill you if she finds you out here," Quinn said peaking out.

"I'll kill you if you try to climb out here," Santana said looking over her shoulder in surprise. "I don't need you falling off of the roof." She shook her head. "What are you doing up here anyway?"

"Looking for you," she shrugged.

Santana turned to face her on the roof. "Why?"

Quinn shrugged. "Thought you could use some company."

The brunette looked back at her. She narrowed her eyes. "You're still not coming out here." She turned and looked out at the neighborhood.

"I'll be fine," Quinn said as she reached for the sill of the window.

"I mean it, Quinn," she snapped. She reached in and yanked a chair over from the side forcing Quinn to back up. "You can sit there but you're not coming out here. So don't even try."

The blonde sighed and sat carefully into the chair. A silence fell over them.

"I can see your house from here," Santana said quietly looking at the house four streets over. . "Always could," she whispered. She looked over her shoulder a little bit. "Sorry about that."

Quinn shook her head. "I never really lived there. I just... I just was there."

Santana paused and looked over at her. She paused. "Well," she said quietly. "This is your home now." She gave a small smile. "And it always will be." She looked forward. "You're still not gonna get out on this roof."

"Whatever," Quinn said leaning back. They looked over the neighborhood in silence, comfortably.

It felt easy and safe and most importantly, comfortable. "They keep asking me about the baby," she whispered.

Santana looked behind her at the girl and gave a tiny frown. Much to Quinn's surprise, the brunette responded. "They're not going to stop, Quinn."

The blonde frowned. "Why?"

Santana turned to face her. "They ….." She looked at the girl's eyes. "I know you don't want to talk about what happened in that house, Quinn."

"It doesn't matter," she hissed quickly.

"It does," she said honestly. "Quinn, they can use this stuff against you. They need to know the facts."

She shook her head. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. I can't."

Santana looked at her hands. She tried to think about her words carefully. "Quinn, if they knew about-"

"You cannot tell a soul," she said fiercely. "I need you to swear it."

"Quinn," she said gently.

"Don't, San," she hissed. "I know that we've become friends or …. um... whatever, but I will destroy you if you say a word."

The blonde's hazel eyes pierced her dark ones. Much to her disappointment, Santana didn't flinch.

"I won't tell," she said with a small smile. "You're just scared, but I won't say anything."

The blonde stared out into the neighborhood. Thankful that she dodged another bullet for the day.

The streets in the neighborhood were deserted. It was the typical quiet upper middle class neighborhood. It was quiet. The sound of a car in the front of the house slowing and pulling into the driveway slowed their thoughts.

"Who's that? Is that Rach?"

Santana frowned. "It doesn't sound like our car, but who else would it be?'

…..

Shelby watched as Quinn made her way slowly up the stairs. She gave a sigh. Quinn needed her space and she needed to respect that. She wiped her brow in exhaustion. She heard Noah panting and punching the bag in the basement. She squeezed her eyes shut. She was already dreading the trials. She was dreading what it would do to them. She knew that the kids were fighting themselves and their emotions. She knew that they were strong enough to handle so much. However, she wasn't sure if they were ready to handle a trial. Noah was the only one who was cross examined in New York. That day had been terrible. And she-

The phone rang, interrupting her thoughts. She took a deep breath. Where was Santana? She thought to herself. The phone rang again. Pick up the phone, she ordered herself.

"Hello?... Hi, Valerie! Yes, I appreciate you allowing Brittany to go for ice cream last night... Yes,..." She deflated slight. "What?...Really? Right now?" She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't want to say that what you have to tell me isn't important but right now-" Valerie interrupted her She took a moment to listen. "Quinn? About Quinn?" She frowned. "Okay. See you soon."

She sighed and hung up the phone as she stared out the window. The leaves were falling off of the trees. Halloween was next week. At this time last year she was trying to balance how to decorate for Halloween without scaring Rachel and without giving Noah and his friends ammunition to throw at the pre-teens down the street all while trying to convince Santana that Halloween didn't give her an opportuntiy to wear a skirt shorter than her Cheerios skirt. At this time last year, her youngest wasn't wetting herself, her eldest wasn't regressing to back to who she was by throwing things like she had done barely a handful of times when she first got the kids back. This time last year she only knew Quinn as the blond girl with the sad eyes.

And now here she was, a year later. She was here waiting in her entryway, waiting for another dose of reality. She stared at the walls. There was a family portrait of her Noah, Santana and Rachel. She paused with a frown. She needed to call the photographer. She should take another picture that included Quinn. The kids had all changed their hair. She looked at her own hair and looked behind her in the mirror. Perhaps, she should cut her hair too.

The doorbell rang, interrupting her thoughts. She could hear the patter of the girls' feet coming down the stairs. She opened the door.

Valerie looked at Shelby who stared at the entire Pierce family in surprise. They all looked so solemn and regretful.

"There's something apparently that we all need to discuss," Valerie said looking back at her girls.

Quinn entered the foyer and looked at the family. The four of them looked at her with a plethora of emotions. She shook her head, pleadingly.

Brittany shook her head as her mouth tried to form around her apology. "I had to do it," she finally managed. "I'm so sorry."

Santana came into the foyer as she descended down the stairs. She spotted Brittany and gave a weak smile, which quickly faded. "What's going on?"

Brittany looked at Santana as the brunette stopped on the stairs. She shook her head tearfully. "I need to tell you something."

…

Michael pulled into the driveway. "I wonder what's going on here."

He looked into the backseat and Rachel continued to stare back at him tearfully. She hadn't said a word since he helped her buckle back in since the grocery store.

"What do you think, bug?" Helen asked.

She looked around. "That's Valerie's car. She and Dr. Tom purchased it last year." She looked at them. "They traded in the Honda."

She shifted on the paper bag that she insisted on sitting on so that the seat didn't smell of urine. "Can I see Santana?"

Michael opened the door and walked around the car. She could hear raised voices in the study.

"Let's just head upstairs okay?"

Michael scooped her up and started into the house.

He opened the door and was immediately hit with the heated conversation.

"Brittany! What are you doing?" Quinn asked. "It doesn't matter anymore! You need to go!"

The blonde barely notice Michael enter through the door with Rachel in his arms.

The family was gathered in the study. Rachel gripped tighter to Michael.

"ichael, let's take her upstairs," Helen said as Shelby's voice echoed into the hallway, attempting to be calm. Helen urged. She exchagned a quick look with Shelby before her daughter closed the door. Helen put her hand on Michael's back. "Shelby's handling this."

….

Shelby shut the door as soon as she saw her mother with Rachel. She turned back to the argument behind her.

"What's she talking about?" Santana asked.

"Don't you dare, Brittany," Quinn hissed, but Santana held her back.

"I didn't have a choice after SAntana-" Brittany stopped mid-sentence.

Quinn turned slowly and looked at Santana was such betrayl in her eyes. "What?" she hissed. "What?"

"Let's calm down," Shelby interceded.

"Quinn, I didn't say anything," Santana pleaded. "I swear."

"Don't," the blonde said putting her hand up.

Tom stepped forward. "Let's just begin from what you girl told us."

Santana looked between Melanie and Brittany. "What? Both of you?"

Brittany looked at the ground regretfully. Valerie looked at her eldest daughter, urging her to speak.

Shelby held her breath wondering what these girls could say that Quinn wanted so badly to remain hidden.

"Mrs. Corcoran, last year Brittany came to me for help," Melanie said darting her eyes between the adults in the room. Her father nodded for her to continue. "Quinn needed to go to a clinic."

"I didn't need you to do that for me," the blonde snapped.

Melanie bit her lip. "So we went."

"Melanie, stop talking," Quinn hissed.

"Quinn, I would like to hear why they have to say," SHelby said. "Melanie, go on."

"No," the blond hissed. "No!" She glared at Shelby. "I'll tell you. I was pregnant. We all knew that though right, but I wanted to go to the clinic to get rid of it. Okay? I had to go for a stupid check up to confirm I was pregnant and then I scheduled a date for an abortion. Melanie signed for me. Okay? It's over. It's done. Drop it."

Shelby looked at the Pierces and her eyes fell on Melanie and Brittany.

"You took her to get an abortion?" she asked.

Brittany looked up from her gaze on the floor. "That was the plan," she whispered. She met Santana's eyes and looked away. "But then..." she looked at Quinn. The shorter blonde turned away and looked at the floor.

"Then what?" Shelby asked.

"Then I lost it," she whispered to the carpet.

"What?"

The room fell silent.

Brittany saw the room go silent . Everyone was staring at Quinn for answers. She knew that mustering up the strength to say it was too hard.

"That day, Quinn wasn't feeling well," Brittany said. "We thought it was nerves...She told me that she was bleeding some and she had bad cramps. I called Melanie to bring us to the clinic earlier than usual." She bit her lip and locked eyes with SAntana. "It was a far drive. We...um... " SHe looked at Quinn. "By the time, we got to the clinic..." she trailed off. "The baby was gone."

Shelby looked at Quinn. She felt her heart swelling. She wanted to reach out and hug her, hold her. "Quinn?" she asked gently.

"Don't," the blond hissed staring at the ground. Shelby approached her and pulled the girl into her arms. "I said don't," she bellowed, but fell into the mother's arms anyway. "Don't," she said weakly.

Santana looked at Quinn as she fell. Did Brittany know what Santana knew?

"Does anyone else know?"

"Just us," Brittany said. "And Finn, of course."

"He's the father, right?" Valerie asked.

"Yes," Brittany said staring down at Quinn and Shelby who were crumpled on the couch. "He wanted her to get rid of it and now he's playing the martyr."

Santana saw Quinn flinch and Shelby felt the girl stiffen in her arms. Tom Pierce frowned. He had done this girl's exam.

"Valerie, take the girls outside please, I want to talk with Shelby and Quinn alone," he said calmly.

"No," Santana hissed. "I'm staying with her." She sat closer to her mother and sister.

"Santana, go outside," Quinn said in a low voice from Shelby's shoulder. The two exchanged a look. "Just go, okay?"

Santana leaned forward and kissed Quinn on the cheek. "Okay."

She stormed past Brittany, ignoring the girl's pleading eyes.

Quinn watched as the door shut behind them. She continued to feel safe in Shelby's arms, even though she knew the question that she dreaded most would fall from the only father figure she ever had.

"Quinn, is there anyone else who could be the father of this child?" Tom asked carefully sitting next to her.

She looked at him and shakily extracted herself from Shelby arms. SHe could feel the woman's concerned eyes on her. "I don't know...," she whispered. "Maybe..." She looked him in the eye. "But i think you know that..."

She stared at them. They were both looking back at her. Waiting for an explanation, the truth. She closed her eyes to escape, but she could only think about that night. She knew the truth but sharing it was the biggest challenge.

_He pushed her down against the bed and his hand clumsily felt her body. _

"_Quinn," he muttered breathlessly. _

_She felt his hips grind against her. He lifted up her top and removed it and leaned back in awe. "Thank you. Thank you." _

_He had her bra removed quickly and the boy began to ravish her breasts as if they were a prize. "You're hot," he said panting on top of her. "Too bad they're not bigger though." He sighed and leaned back yanking off her spanks and skirt. She knew he wouldn't notice the tiny bruises on the tops of her thighs where her father held her in place. She also hoped her didn't ask her to turn around so that he would see her belt marks: scars left over the years and the raw ones that had just been delivered. She winced as she felt his hands on her bottom. _

"_What's wrong?" he asked. _

"_Nothing," she whispered. "Let's do this." _

_He smiled eagerly. "Okay," he muttered. He released himself from his pants and rubbed the tip against her entrance. "Ready?" He didn't wait for her to respond. She released a gasp as he entered her. She then closed her eyes and wished she was elsewhere. She felt a build up deep in her stomach as he quickened his pace. He would do it inside and then it would be over. That would fix it. Right? She wouldn't have to worry. Suddenly he pulled out. _

"_Wait-," she whispered. _

"_Stay down," he said huskily. "I want to cum on you." He pounded his flesh. "I wanna see it," he said breathlessly. _

_Quinn felt the liquid hit the front of her body in disgust. She deflated. This wasn't what she had planned. _

She blinked her eyes open. She felt empty and raw and exposed. She felt Shelby's hand in hers.

"I don't think it was Finn's," she heard herself whisper. "But he doesn't know that."

Shelby looked over at Tom. Shit.

…...

**It's another short one. It was supposed to be longer …. as always. **


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

Theilliterate – Quinn is not going to have a boyfriend for awhile. She is not ready for one. And Shelby knows that and will do her best to control the situation. Santana has a discussion in this chapter with Nana – you will see how it affects both of them. Thank you for reviewing.

SuzQQ – I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to review. I hope it gets better for you. It is very tough to lose someone close to you.

KatyVixen – The father of Quinn's baby is explained further in this chapter and as you can see from this chapter it can only be one person. If you have anymore questions regarding it – please let me know. Thanks for the review.

Cookie07 – let me try and address Santana seeing Elyse. Elyse has known this family for a long time because she has been treating Rachel but she also knows Shelby as a friend and a colleague as well. She knows Santana very well and she is a licensed therapist who deals with these kids all the time. She will not favor Rachel over Santana. She does know how to help kids that have triggers and start to act out because of them. Elyse called Santana out because that is what Santana needs – had it been Quinn or Rachel she would not have called them out because they have different reactions. But I do understand your concern. But trust me Elyse will help all of the girls. Thank you for your review.

Marissa – Thank you for the review. More bonding ahead.

Piper – Thank you for reviewing. Puck isn't headed to NY just yet but probably soon. He will not be running into Mr. Schuester though.

Drea LuRuiz – You may have to pour yourself another glass. Things are kind of rough this chapter. I hope you like this next part. Thanks for reviewing.

Kimberlli – Ok stop rocking – here is the next chapter and yes this one is filled with drama too. How long Schuester will stay out on bail is anyone's guess. Thanks for the review.

OTHangels – The case is building against Schuester so we will see if anyone else comes forward. It would certainly help with the case. Thanks for the review.

lovecanbesostrange - I was angry too. However, the more that I thought about it the more that it made sense. He would be let go if he had a good lawyer. Don't worry. Be patient. Everything with the Pierces and Quinn should be cleared up here. Bit of an emotional explosion. One of my favorite Rachel/Quinn scenes is in this chapter. More of Puck and his letter will be addressed later. Don't worry. Things are coming with that. Not yet thought. They're brewing. Shelby thinking back was important to me. There was normalcy at one point, as normal as this family could have. I hope you like this chapter. Your reviews make me always so happy. Thank you for putting so much thought into them. I appreciate it.

Anna – Unfortunately there are many lawyers that would be willing to get scum like this out of jail. But hopefully we will get the evidence that is needed to get this jerk in jail for a long long time. Santana and Quinn are very close now and will always remain that way and I am very happy about that as well. Thanks for the review.

alopez208 – Thank you for the review. It is truly appreciated.

marinka4 – Sometimes I am for the death penalty because some people are just monsters and there is no changing that but unfortunately that wont be debated in this story. Lots of people will be lined up to take a shot at killing him. I was thinking of making him into a Pinata at Santana's next birthday party. Thanks for the review.

Fangirl44 – Quinn is opening up but she really has no choice. Time is not on her side. She has to prepare herself to return to school and to testify against her father. All of that will be very tough for her. Thanks for reviewing.

Renata – Hi Ms. Brazil! Thanks for your continued support with all the reviews you give me I am truly honored. When the older kids get the tutor so will Rachel you will see. The cousins wont visit for awhile Griffin is in school so he cant take the time off. But they will be in and out of the story.

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you so much for the cookies. So you have Russell and Mr. Schue? People are looking for them – please return them to the Lima police department.

broadwaybound2016 – yes he did make bail but how long does he stay out – we shall see. Thanks for the review.

Ryoko05 – Alls that I can say then is Wow – Thanks for the review.

look4me Santana and Quinn are sisters all the way now and that is not going to change. It should be clearer who the father of the baby was – but if you are still unsure – PM me and I will let you know. Right now they need to share the same sleeping space. It is a comfort to them. But they will move from that eventually. Thanks for the review.

Unicorn20089 – I promise you they do get better eventually. Thanks

TommyH – Thank you

Woah123 – Yes everyone thought or thinks that the baby is Finn's but unfortunately they all will know the truth eventually and it is awful for Quinn. And it is terrible that our justice system does this sometimes. We hope to straighten it out in this story real soon. Thanks for the review.

GleeFanatic1988 – There is some good Brittana moments in this chapter and there are some not so good ones. I hope you enjoy – thanks for reviewing.

A C one - The trials are going to be extremely difficult for the girls and hopefully they lean on each more during each of them. Thanks for the review. They are always appreciated.

GleekGirl101 – It is awful for the girls to relive this stuff but they will bond more and get stronger so that they do not end up stuck. Thanks for the review.

Filmaddict – the bail wasn't that high and I am pretty sure he got help. It just hasn't come out yet. Both Shue's lawyer and Russell's lawyers are scum and will do anything and I mean anything to get their clients off. So these trials are going to be extremely tough on the girls. I am honored that you are so passionate about my story. I hope this chapter is to your liking. Thank you so much for reviewing.

**AN: This story has very adult themes. Please read at your own risk. There's a dream sequence that may be very difficult to read as well as triggery. Please be warned. **

**Also, in response to all of the discussions about fics being taken down because of content, I am backing up this entire fic just in case. Please follow me on Tumblr if the by chance the story is taken down, I'll keep you updated there as to where the story will be posted. I am not giving up on this story. at all! I hope you follow it, wherever it decides to go . However, I hope beyond hope that it stays on this forum. **

Part 41

Quinn looked at them. "I know that this is bad," she whispered staring at the floor.

Shelby kissed the top of her head. "The situation is hard, yes, but you're not in trouble. We just need all of the facts, Quinn. We need to know." Shelby looked at Quinn. She could barely see the girl's face. She was leaning back into Shelby.

"Quinn," she whispered with her cheek against her forehead. "I need you to tell me what happened."

She shook her head against the woman.

"Okay," Shelby whispered. "You don't have to now, but someday I hope you will."

"What more do you want me to say?" she whispered. She reached and took her hand and unconsciously held it. She shrugged one shoulder and gave a tiny shake of her head. "I've already said it."

Shelby opened her mouth to say something but Quinn went on.

"I just," she shook her head. "I found out and I …." She paused and remembered Finn's words in her head. "I couldn't... I just couldn't keep it." She bit her lip and continued to hold Shelby's hand. "I just...I was scared and..." She bit her lip. "I knew that it might not be Finn's." She tried to bury herself deeper into herself. "I couldn't live that. I couldn't." She looked at the ground. "I knew that I wouldn't be able to love this child...I thought I could at first...but I just couldn't. I wasn't going to bring someone into the world out of hate." She took a deep breath. "I know that there are people out there that do that... That can love like that..." She looked at Shelby. "I couldn't. I can't." She let out a sob. "Finn didn't... well... he didn't um... finish... in... " She gazed up at the adults and then looked at the ground. "It couldn't be Finn's... It was his..." She pushed her tongue in her cheek to control the tears. She turned to Shelby and then turned away. She avoided Shelby's eyes. The shame and disappointment in herself felt too bright under Shelby's loving gaze.

"Quinn, what you're telling me right now takes more courage, trust and care than anyone that should ever have to give," Shelby whispered wrapping her arms around the girl. "I'm sorry you had to be alone and I know that being alone is safer. I know that not telling anyone about these secrets and these incredible hurtful things is a prison, but a sollace. Thank you for talking to me."

Quinn shook her head. "I don't deserve this," she whispered. "Rachel needs you. San needs you and -"

"You need me, Quinn. I need you," Shelby finished. "No matter what happens you are my kid. To me you're my daughter."

Quinn bit her lip. "The things I've done... The things we did," she whispered. "I'm ….. You can't want me. I don't want me."

"I do," Shelby whispered, holding her tightly. "So much."

She wiped her tears. "I'm going to have to talk about this," she looked at the two adults. "Won't I?" They gave small nods. "There's no going back," she whispered. She looked at the floor. People knew things had happened. CPS was involved, the police; there were hospital reports. She knew that the ADA wanted to talk to her. She looked up. "I need to know what's going to happen now... I need to know how this will play out."

Tom nodded. "I am going to call the clinic to get your records. I'll submit a report." He looked at Shelby. "I'm going to talk with the lawyers at the hospital."

"Why?"

"Things are very..." He looked at Shelby; he continued. "The lines are blurred here because I'm your doctor for this case, but my daughters were the ones that took you to a clinic without your parents' consent.-"

"I don't want Brittany and Melanie to get in trouble. That was never my intention! I'm so sorry," she said hurriedly.

Tom sat next to her. "And I know that, Quinn. They won't be in trouble because your parents were clearly incapable of handling things. And honestly, this isn't the first time that girls your age have had other people take them to clinics." He sighed. "We just need all of the facts."

Shelby nodded. "I'm going to contact the ADA. He's been wanting to speak with you. He'll probably have you give another statement to the Captain's team. And verify records-"

"What if it was Finn's?" Quinn asked suddenly. She felt tears fill her eyes. "I mean... If she was Finn's..."

"You said the clinic did tests?" Tom asked. Quinn gave a quiet nod and quickly wiped her tears. "We'll be able to know the blood type of … your child... We should have enough to identify who the father was."

She gave a quick nod. "Okay. Um... I …. okay..." Quinn began to cry. "I need to go. I need some time," she whispered. She stood up with a wince. "Please," she muttered. "I just need some time alone."

Shelby searched her eyes, but gave in. "I'm going to talk with Dr. Pierce and then I'll come find you." she took a deep breath. "Do not leave this house."

Quinn gave a tiny nod and headed out the door.

"I mean it," she yelled after the blonde.

Valerie made eye contact with Shelby through the open door and her and Melanie walked into the study. Melanie reached out to Quinn but the blonde pulled away.

"Back off, Mel," she hissed as she walked past.

"Let her be," Shelby said. "Give her a moment."

She turned back to Tom. "Tell me we can prove that this baby was …" She bit her lip with the shake of her head. "Russell's."

Tom nodded. "The clinic would have done tests because of her age. The blood tests should show abnormalities if it's his. Also, other …. tissue would have been tested." He shook his head. "That clinic keeps busy. This file is there. We just have to find it." He shook his head again.

"What is it?"

"My good friend, a colleague works there," Tom said folding his arms. "She's been asking more frequently how the girls are." He shook his head. "Now I know why."

…**...**

The family walked out of the study. Santana's steps stomped behind Brittany so loudly that the blonde felt as if she was being chased by an angry elephant, disguised in petite brunette form. She stopped in the living room, ready to face her. However, instead Santana stormed past her and into the kitchen. Brittany sighed and nodded at her sister and mother that she was fine and followed her best friend.

"Santana," she called.

She leaned over the sink and stared out the back window. Brittany couldn't see her face.

"Santana, I'm sorry," she tried again.

"Don't," she hissed with her head down. "Just …. I'm too mad... Not now."

"Please," she said, moving close to her. "Come on," she whispered.

The blonde reached for her.

"Don't, Brittany," she hissed. She turned and looked at her with a shake of her head. "Explain this to me," she hissed.

"I couldn't and -" she began.

She shook her head and put her hand up to stop her. "No," she said. She looked at her as tears started to pool. "You knew. You knew this whole time." The tears began to fall without avail. "You have known not just a little while but over a year. And you..." She bit her lip. "You let me... be horrible to her. Last year I was horrible to her. You... You... " She shook her head. "You should have told me."

"It wasn't my job, San. I couldn't tell anyone. She made me promise."

"I'm your best friend!" she yelled. "She's my sister!" She shook her head with despair. "You're my girlfriend!"

The anxiety of the room reached a max. Brittany took a deep breath and locked eyes with Santana. "I wasn't always all of those things. And neither was she..."

Santana turned away from her. "You don't think I know that?" she whispered. She looked at her. "I'm mad at you, Brittany," she whispered.

Brittany looked at her and Santana knew that she understood, but it wasn't enough. Knowing and feeling wasn't enough. She reached over and took the girls' hands. Santana watched as Brittany's fingers traced the back of her hand.

"I wanted to tell you but I couldn't," she whispered. "I promised her."

"I know," she replied as she continued to watch the blonde's fingers against her hand. "I'm mad," she muttered. "I just..." She met her eyes. "I ….. " She shook her head. "She's my sister. I care about her and she's hurting and … Rachel is..." She bit her lip. "I can't be …." she squeezed her eyes shut. "I can't be on the outside, Brit. I need you …. and I need them and I can't... I can't be on the outside." She opened her eyes and looked at her. "I get it. I know things too that..." she bit her lip again. "That I know and you don't."

She looked at the floor. "I know, San. But you're you and I'm me."

Santana looked at her and in that moment it clicked. Brittany was the girl that was her best friend for years and didn't go digging her part. Not once. And Santana was the girl who always needed to know.

She shook her head. "I can't," she whispered. "I can't understand and I can't think," she continued. "It... It just hurts." She shook her head. "I need to be alone." She started to walk away from her. Brittany reached out.

"Hey," she muttered, stopping the girl. She expected Santana to hesitate but she didn't.

"I just need to be alone," she said again. She leaned into Brittany and let the blonde hug her. "I can't... I just need to be alone."

"Okay," she whispered back as she rubbed her back. "Okay."

She didn't move from Brittany's arms. She couldn't; it fit too much.

….

Helen cleaned Rachel up quickly. They could still hear the yelling downstairs. Now Rachel was leaning back in Michael's arms. He stroked her still damp hair. He could feel her trembling.

"Want me to tell you a story?"

Rachel shook her head and bowed it. She had been crying quietly since they left the store.

"I was really proud of you today, Rach," he said. "I know that it was a tough thing to do."

She shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it," she whispered.

"Why not?"

She looked back at him. He could hear the tightness in her chest when they were in the car and insisted that Rachel use the nebulizer as soon as they got home. She was now hooked up under the mask. He remembered that the last time he had to do the nebulizer with her she had informed him that the mask was for babies. Any traces of that fight was gone. She looked at him from behind the mask with aged and worn eyes.

"Because," she whispered. "I don't want to be reminded."

"Of what?" he pushed.

"That the only thing I can do now is go to the grocery store for five minutes and... " she sunk further into her grandfather, "Have an accident." He saw her tears falling from her eyes. "You used to be proud of me for bigger things than that."

He hugged her. "No, I still am." He kissed her on the top of her head. "You're still the same Rachel to me."

"She's not here anymore," she muttered.

He sighed and said, "You know that you're different but you're still Rachel."

She wiped her eyes with the back of her fingers. "I don't feel like her..." She looked at up at him. "What was I like before my daddy died? Was I like this when Mumma came back?"

He understood in that moment how fragmented her past was. He always wondered how Rachel filled it, but now he realized that no one had filled it for her. The ones in the family that remembered what had happened were trying so hard to 'move on' and forget as they slowly leaked Rachel information when she asked for it. However, They made a mistake. Rachel was watching the whole time and because she couldn't remember clearly, she was trying to fill those games in alone. Nevertheless, at the end of the day there were gaps. Michael kicked himself internally. People want to know their roots, their story. No one had really recognized how desperately Rachel wanted to know hers.

"Rach," he said with a deep breath. "I promise that we'll tell you what happened." She looked at him in surprise. "We didn't mean to keep it from you-"

"It's too hard. I can … I can see that you're sad," she whispered. She looked at him with big eyes behind her mask. "I know more now that I did before... but …. I …. Maybe I can... read it...You know the file" she shrugged. "I know you all want to forget."

He looked at her tearfully and continued to rock in the glider in her room.

"It's not that we wanted to forget, bug," he whispered. "It was that... For a long time, we were scared about what we would trigger for you. We thought for a long time that things could trigger you. Your brain is a very smart organ and protected you from the beginning from remembering." He licked his lips. "Remember when you first started with Elyse?" Rachel shook her head. "You didn't talk to Elyse for months. You just colored. And the first time you talked to her she asked you about New York and we still aren't sure what she said that triggered you but you were inconsolable.."

"I freaked out?" she asked.

"You ran for the door and started banging on it. You were trying to get out. But you only did it for about ten seconds before you collapsed to the floor. You laid on your stomach with your arms around your face and you started sobbing. Your mom came in and I came in. It was before your grandmother and I moved permanently to Florida. You wouldn't let us touch you. You just kept screaming and screaming. Your mom had to do something that was really hard." Rachel looked at him questioningly, still under the mask. "We had to bring Santana over. She just entered the room and you clung to her. She was ten years old. Almost eleven. A few months younger than you are now."

Rachel bowed her head. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he replied. "What you feel is always okay. It was as if your emotions were going very fast and your brain was trying desperately to keep up. AFter that we would pull up to Elyse's building and you would start to bawl. We had to do sessions in the car before we slowly shifted to sessions at the house." He sighed. "We didn't want to tell you, Rach, because we didn't know how. Every time we gave you a little piece of information you wouldn't talk for awhile. Elyse worked really hard with you to figure out ways that you can talk about it but it took a long time. So once you explained everything you remembered to Elyse we tried to figure out a way to slowly start telling you what happened. But then - "

"I remember," she whispered. "She tried to talk to me about living in the shelter." She gulped and looked at her grandfather. "But... I got scared."

He nodded gently. "You did."

She bit her lip. "I ran out and locked myself in the car."

He nodded. "I know you want to know and that you remember more than you're able to articulate." Rachel bit her lip. "But we'll find a way that you know your whole story, alright, bug?"

She nodded and looked down at his hands. "There were holes on the ceiling."

He nodded. "It was a music studio. Those kind of walls help with the acoustics. He was keeping you three in your father's old studio. That's how... no one heard you." He watched her carefully. "It was sound proof."

"The holes were everywhere. Like cheese... like..." She licked her lips.

"Like what?"

She frowned and looked at her own hands. "Like the choir room." She felt her eyes getting heavy. She pulled at the mask with a frown. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'm tired."

"Me too," he muttered. He had been up late talking with old colleagues about what he could have been doing to help with the case and then researching for a loop hole that he was missing. He looked at the nebulizer. "We're not done yet. Few more minutes." Rachel nodded and leaned back in his arms with a deep frown. "What's the matter?"

"The holes in the ceiling were the same" she said quietly under the mask.

"They were?"

Rachel nodded. Her eyes were getting heavy despite the fact that her head was so full.

_She felt her body being lifted and carried outside. Was that the locker room? It smelled like the dance studio. She could feel the coldness of the fall hit her face. She couldn't keep her eyes focused. She couldn't see. Everything was blurry. Was she asleep? She tried to push herself up but she couldn't. She couldn't move. She felt herself being laid down. She saw a blurry figure in front of her. His voice was in a fog. Darkness surround her. She felt a blanket draped over her body. She tried to push it off, but she couldn't. she didn't have any strength. _

_She squeezed her eyes shut and reopened them. She was staring at the ceiling. She was in the choir room. She looked to her left and there was a bed that didn't have anything by a loose sheet on it. She frowned. There was never a bed in the choir room. There was a bed of two blankets on the floor next to it and a pacifier on the bed. It felt familiar, but it felt eerily still. _

_She was jolted from her observations by a voice. _

"_Hi, Rachel," she looked up and Mr. Schuester was staring back at her with a smile. _

_She let out a sob and backed away from him. "Come here, good girl," he said huskily. She backed into the corner. She shook her head. She looked at the bed. When she looked at it, she felt different. She felt fear and helplessness. It was as i it was from a distant memory _

_"My good girl."_

_She let out a sob as she felt both the teacher's hands grip her hips underneath her skirt. She shook her head frantically as he pulled her underwear down. With another swift movement she felt her shirt being opened and her undershirt being ripped down the front. She sobbed and tried to push him off but he pulled her closely to his body. She pounded her fists against him._

_He threw her onto the bed and ripped her clothes off the rest of the way so there was no way to protect herself from him He didn't do this, her voice screamed in her head. This isn't real! He straddled her hips and pinned her underneath him. _

_"Shhhh," he said with a gentle voice. "You'll learn not to cry. You'll learn to like this." He sat up. "I'll make you feel like a woman. I'll make you feel good." He released himself from his pants and ran his hand along the rigid length._

_Beneath him Rachel screamed at the sight, trying to push him off of her. "No. No. No. No!" she sobbed._

_He moved himself down her and forced her legs open with his free hand. She tried to scream and kick but her legs were being held. . "No! NO! NO!" _

_He gave her a smile and with a thrust, he entered her. She screamed in pain and her vision became blurred. _

_She squeezed her eyes shut and reopened then and Papa Hiram was thrusting above her. She couldn't stop sobbing, but she felt his hand on her mouth, muffling her. The pain radiated throughout her body. _

"_SHUT UP!" he screamed in her face. Rachel looked at the ceiling there the holes were. Her face was drenched with tears. She felt like she did when she got out of the pool. She heard a banging. Someone was hitting a door. She looked to the side at the closet door . Had that been there the whole time? She squinted her eyes to try to focus but heard herself sob out loud. It was shut but she could hear someone banging …. and screamed... she concentrated. Santana? She was screaming and sobbing her name. She tried to sit up and reach for her but she barely could move. _

_He continued to thrust deeper into her. It felt like a knife but for the first time she really understood that it wasn't. It seemed as if reality became clearer than ever before in this place. She sobbed again. What was happening?_

"_YOU LITTLE SHIT!" he scolded. He flipped her so she was face down on the mattress. She sobbed. She expected the belt. Her bare flesh waited for it. The wait was familiar. It wasn't that she expected it . It was all he did when she was on her stomach. She frowned and let out a sob. He always had her on her back for the other stuff. _

_She suddenly felt his fingers on her bottom. She squeezed her eyes together. What was going on? She suddenly felt something big at her bottom. She began to shake and cry as she clawed at the sheetless mattress. She squeezed a beaded bracelet tightly in her hand. Was this real? He pushed his weight on top of of her. "LITTLE BITCH!" _

_Her entire body lurched forward as he sheathed his entire shaft into her body. She released a blood curling scream. _

Rachel jumped awake. She in her grandfather's arms. His arms now loosely embraced her. The panic and fear in her heart pounded too loudly in her ears to hear her grandfather's snores. She was shaking. She was breathing rapidly. She couldn't be in here. She needed to get to someplace safe. She slipped out of her grandfather's arms and grabbed George. She walked as briskly as her aching body could take her.

….

Santana leaned against Brittany on the backstep that led into the backyard. She had calmed but she hadn't let go of the girl. She heard a knock behind them. She looked up behind them. Her grandmother stood there with a small smile.

"Hi, girls," she said with a smile. She handed them a blanket. "It's kinda cold out here. It's October, you know."

Santana pulled slightly away from her... from Brittany.

"Hi," she said. "You remember Brittany?" she said darting her eyes.

Helen nodded. "Yes, dear." She nodded at the blonde. "Our paths have crossed many times this week."

Brittany smiled. "Yes, ma'am."

Helen sat next to the girls and Santana couldn't help but feel her heartbeat pick up fast . Her grandmother was a woman she looked up to. Someone she respected with deep passion and unfaltering determination. However, she knew one thing. While her aunt saw things in gray with blurred lines and her mother saw things by situation, her grandmother was neither of these things. She knew what she knew and didn't budge. As much as she always respected and loved her grandmother, there was one conversation that always whispered in her memory when she thought of the woman.

_She lay quietly in her mother's new apartment. Her parents explained their divorce to her and Noah. Noah had explained to her that it sucked but at least they would get more stuff. She frowned at him. She knew he was upset that Daddy wouldn't be in the same house. Mommy wouldn't be down in the music room anymore. And now they were at a new apartment on the east side with their mother. She turned to the wall. She missed the wallpaper on her wall at her house... she frowned. Her Daddy's house, she corrected. She used to use her finger to connect the patterns and make pictures. There was nothing to connect on her new bedroom wall. She sighed and rolled over. She needed something to distract her. _

_She threw the blankets back and walked out the door and down the hallway into the nursery. Rachel was sleeping on her side in her baby bed. Her mother kept telling her and Noah to stop calling it a baby bed. Santana rolled her eyes. It was a baby bed though. It was a regular bed like hers and Noahs but it was smaller... for babies. She frowned. It was a baby bed, plus it was pink with princess painted on the frame and parts that protected Rachel from falling out. Rachel was curled into a tiny ball in her footie pajamas with her fits resting under her chin, sucking her pacifer quietly. _

_She looked around and Rachel's stuffed animal was on the floor. Rachel was still small enough that her mother told her that Rachel shouldn't have a lot of things in her bed. However, Rachel had been sleeping with a stuffed penguin that her parents bought her at the zoo a few weeks ago. She picked it up and put it in the baby penguin and put it in her bed as she gave Rachel a soft kiss. _

_Santana sat against the wall next to the bed. She was sad that she couldn't go down the hall and talk to her Daddy. Whenever she couldn't sleep, she always went and talked to her daddy until her mom realized she was awake and put her to bed. But her daddy wasn't in her mom's new apartment. She sighed and heard voices down the hallway. _

_She stood and went to the door. Rachel's room was nearest to main part of the apartment. Santana opened the door and peaked out. Her grandmother and mother were unpacking boxes in the kitchen. She was happy that Nana was here. It was making her mother not staring so sadly at the floor anymore. She could hear her grandmother's voice and she knew she was angry, like that one time and she and Noah put Griffin's underwear in the freezer when they were on vacation. _

"_I don't... I just can't, SHelby," Nana hissed. _

"_Mother, don't start. It's late," her mother said. "I appreciate your help, but you've been here all day. You can go back to the hotel." _

"_Stop trying to get rid of me," Nana said in a voice that Santana knew was serious. "Plus your father fell asleep reading Noah a cowboy book." Santana head a plate loudly hit the counter. _

"_Can you please be careful, Mom?" _

"_I just... Ten years of marriage, Shelby and he just leaves you." _

"_Almost ten years mother," she hear her mother say with a sigh. "We …. didn't get to our tenth anniversary." _

"_Nine and a half, whatever," Nana said. "You have three children and he walked out on you for that retro sleeze!" _

"_Mom!" _

_Santana jumped at her mother's anger. _

"_Leroy and I have had problems since before Rachel," Shelby said quietly. Santana leaned her ear more against the door. "If it wasn't for Rachel. our marriage would have been over years ago. She wasn't planned." Santana frowned and looked over at Rachel. Like an accident? How was she an accident? Accidents are spilling your milk or stepping on your brother's heels. How were babies accidents? Santana frowned; you couldn't tip things and babies appear. Taht's not what her mom meant. People weren't accidents. _

_Helen laughed. Why was Nana laughing? "Do you think your father and I expected and planned you or Joey? He and I have problems. Work through your problems. You don't buy a brand new apartment and sign the divorce papers right away!" _

"_Well, I did, Mom!" Santana couldn't see her mother's face but she could hear that she was tired and mad. "I don't know what to say. Okay? It's over. It's not happening. I will always love him. He's my best friend. But he's not in love with me. I'm not going to stay in that relationship when I know he's happier with someone else and -" _

"_A man, Shelby. He's gay. How does this not hurt you? A MAN!" _

"_I don't know, Mom, maybe because I grew up with loving parents who taught me that love transcends gender. Is that what you're angry about? God! Get over it!" _

"_No, Shelby, marriage is sacred. Love is precious. That's not love that he has with that man! IT's lust and it's trash! People are made to love and that is not love! It's gay lust!" _

"_MOM!" her mother hissed. _

"_No, Shelby," Nana said. "I respected Leroy. I loved him because he was the father of my grandchildren but he screwed up and quite frankly so did you. This marriage meant something and you and he ruined it! They went to Vegas and got married. THat's not a marriage! It's not legal in Ohio! New York! It is 2003! This kinda of stuff is hype. Massachusetts is passing laws. the whole country is exploding on what marriage is." _

"_Mom, we're not talking about this anymore." _

"_We are, Shelby," Nana said quietly. "I know Leroy. He's proving a point and using his passion to get there. I have to say this if one of the kids came out I wouldn't know what to say. He's ruined that for me. Love isn't simple. Shelby, when it's right it's right. Hiram screwed it up. Leroy screwed it up. And most importantly, you let it happen." _

Santana looked at her grandmother and then looked away. The older woman had sat down next to the girls. However, Santana didn't want to be there with her with Brittany; it felt strange. She remembered the conversation clearer than anything. It stuck with her, like almost everything else. She respected her grandmother but accepted long ago that her grandmother wouldn't accept or love her. She was comfortable with that because neither did she. It wasn't sad or pathetic. Santana paused and thought for a moment. Maybe it was, but it was just a fact.

"I should go," Brittany whispered.

Santana looked at her quietly. "I'm gonna... walk her back ..." she said quietly avoiding her grandmother's eyes. She realized that she felt a strange shame in that moment. She felt shame in her own house. She looked around. Her own backyard, same difference. She turned back. "It's not just lust, Nana."

"What?" Helen asked looking up at the girls and hesitated. She stood up from the step.

Santana stared at the ground. This wasn't how she wanted her day to go. However, it never was.

"It's not just gay lust. I care about her," she instinctively reached for girls. "I don't... I don't like boys."

She was holding onto Brittany's hand but she didn't dare to look into her grandmother's eyes or Brittany's.

"And I care about her too," Brittany interjected. Santana looked the blonde and smiled. "So much."

Helen took a deep breath. Her eyes volleyed between the two girls. Santana finally looked at the woman and lifted her chin a little higher, trying her best to be brave.

"Okay," she said with a nod.

Santana frowned. "Okay?"

"Yes, I've... suspected for years, Santana but-"

"What?" she asked as thoughts raced through her head. Her grandmother expected this? She thought all of those things and she expected this?

Helen looked at the girls. "You're young."

Santana frowned more deeply. She felt defensive; angry.

"You're young and what you have is special," she said gently. "But don't let it define your life."

Helen started into the house. "Wait," Santana said squeezing her eyes shut to gather her courage. "I maybe be young... and we _do_ have something special, but this does define my life. This isn't just a fling or an experiment, Nana. This..." She took Brittany's hand. "We fit. And... I …." she looked at Brittany and looked away. "You're right. I'm young and I don't know if I'll be with Brittany for the rest of my life..." She licked her lips and looked at her grandmother in her dark eyes. "But I never felt the way I felt about boys as I do about girls. I've only loved Brittany ever, but I don't think... No, I know... that this just … fits... it's right. And all of the boys I ever dated..." Santana searched for the words. "It felt like I was wearing the most perfect shoe but on my hand. It just didn't fit. And would never fit." She took a deep breath and looked at Brittany. "I don't know who I am or who I'm going to be, but I know that Brittany fits."

Helen nodded. "Okay." She sighed. "I still love. You're still you to me, but this..." She sighed and looked at Brittany. "I respect you. Both of you. I love you so much, Santana. I simply." She frowned. "I can't understand...but... I love you. I want you to be happy and if this makes you happy, then I'll try to understand." She looked at the girls. "Okay, I'll go inside. Brittany, your family I think is talking to Shelby still. You guys hang out out here."

Santana looked at her. There it was. She expected that. She wasn't searching for her grandmother's acceptance. Maybe she was, but she knew it wouldn't be miraculous. There wouldn't be a easy transition it just, was. Life wasn't miraculous where one day someone wakes up and accepts you. people are flawed. Santana knew that more than anything. People were just people. Changes, acceptance, and hugs didn't just happen. Her grandmother trying. It hurt, but it was what it was. She wasn't leaving her. She didn't disown her or hate her. She was struggling and it ached like a deep dull pain. But she had given her long speech. What more was there left to say?

"Would you like to sit out here with us?" Brittany asked suddenly.

Helen hesitated. Santana could see it in her face. She didn't want to be around her grandmother. She wanted to be far away from her and close to Brittany, love and struggling acceptance aside. She sighed and looked at the older woman. She realized that she too had to step up.

"Come on," she said with a slight role of her eyes. "Just sit with us."

Helen nodded. She took a deep breath and looked at the girls. She nodded. "Alright." She took a seat. "Okay."

…..

Quinn spotted Santana and Brittany on the back porch but continued. She couldn't be in the house. She had no control over anything. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. Everyone would know. Everyone. It's not just her dirty laundry out on the front lawn for people to see. It was as if they were sifting through her garbage and exposing details of her life that were only hers. Before they were only secrets in the night and whispers in the dark. It was someone else's life; at least that's what she pretended. She knew in her heart that it was hers. She hated it. She couldn't cope with it, but it was hers. Sure, there were afterschool specials where somehow within a two hour period, including commercial breaks, people learned how to move on. She didn't know how. Yes, she had lived sixteen years in that house. Yes, it had been hell for a lot of the time, but …. it was still her home. She was clothed, fed. Her father did take her for her driver's test. He did teach her how to ride a bike. Granted, she was reprimanded when she made a mistake. She sat down with her parents at least twice a week for a meal. It wasn't as clear as right and wrong. Yes, it was wrong, but it took her years to accept that. She still struggled with it. She deserved her punishments; they were always brought about by her bad behavior. She remembered the shock that she felt when she was at Brittany's and they spilled their milk and they weren't beaten. She was waiting for it. Mary Pierce had to talk with her that not all parents hit their children.

Now everyone would know. Everyone would see how weak she was. She didn't care that she was "strong" or "brave." Those were empty words said by sympathetic people on the outside. She survived. She frowned as she slipped into the garage.

She survived. She looked down at her cast. She didn't need this. She felt her heart out of her chest. Everyone would know. She felt the lump in her throat and the pressure in her chest. She was going to explode. She couldn't think. It was hitting her all at once. Was she feeling this? Is this what it felt like?

She breathed deeply. She spotted it. There it was.

She spotted the small bow saw hanging on the wall. It's blade as barely a centimeter wide. But that was all she needed, right?

She looked down at her cast and grabbed the saw without hesitation.

It was off in no time. She felt such a sense of relief when it was off. Her arm ached but her adrenaline was pumping too hard. All she felt was calm. She was so grateful. She breathed heavily. She looked down at her arm. it was cut slightly by the saw but not deep just tiny scrapes. The calm was slowly fading. She looked around. She had backed herself in the corner behind the couch they had moved from the living room.

She blinked. She looked down at the cast. She had stepped on it, crushed it. She felt her heart rate calm. She looked down at the mess. She squeezed her eyes shut and captured her top lip with her teeth.

"Shit."

…..

Shelby looked at the Pierces. So what now? She took a deep breath.

"You've told me everything, Melanie?" Shelby asked.

"Yes," the girl replied. "Everything I know."

"We can call Brittany in here if-," Valerie began.

Shelby shook her head. "No, it's okay. I think I get it. I want to talk to all three of the girls at some time about what happened in school but... I gave Quinn some pain medicine earlier and she's going to be tired soon. Rachel is sleeping upstairs."

"We should go then," Tom said. "We'll let you know if anything else comes up."

Shelby nodded and walked the Pierces to the door. Brittany was talking quietly to Santana. She watched as the girls said goodbye with such gentle care. She saw a glimpse of her mother walking around downstairs to where Noah was working.

"See ya," Santana whispered kissing Brittany gently on the cheek despite the foyer full of their family.

"Call you later," she replied looking at Shelby. "If she lets you."

Shelby looked at the girls. Santana looked like she was thinking too hard. She was distracted. Her emotions were boiling to the top and she was trying her best to pack them back in.

"Thank you, Shelby," Tom said as he led the family out the door.

"Thank you."

Shelby watched Santana and Brittany exchange small smiles before she closed the door.

Santana walked quietly back into the living room. She could feel her mother's arms on her.

"Where's Quinn? Is she okay?" Santana asked tiredly.

Shelby nodded. She was unsure about how much to say. She didn't know what Santana knew and she wanted so desperately to protect her. "She's around here somewhere."

"Probably in her room," Santana shrugged. "I heard her walking around earlier."

Shelby looked at her eldest daughter. "Are you okay?"

"I didn't know, Mom," she muttered. "I didn't know... that Brittany knew."

Shelby looked at her quickly. "What? Did you know?"

"I guessed," she clarified quietly. "She didn't tell me. At school, when...when that limp dick announced about the baby, it was in her eyes..." She trailed off. "But we didn't talk about it." She shrugged. "She didn't want to. So I didn't push her." She bit her lip. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just... Quinn trusted me and -"

Shelby put her hand on her daughter's. At that moment she understood. She had been so angry about Joey not telling her about Santana's sexual past. She had been so angry. However, she saw it. It wasn't about keeping a secret as much as preserving trust.

"I know," Shelby whispered. "What's going on?"

Santana scoffed. "Other than the obvious?" She looked at her mother. "I told Nana."

"She might not understand fully, but she'll come around," she said softly, kissing Santana on the temple.

"She's thinks it's gay lust, Mom," she muttered.

"What?" Shelby smiled at the absurdity.

"When we were in New York, she said that to you." Santana looked at her.

"What?" Shelby asked. Then it dawned on her. "You heard that?"

"I'll forget it," she whispered. Santana chewed her lip as she fought back tears. "I... I didn't know about Quinn... I was outside when he was hurting Rachel..." Tears fell. "I can't do this...Brittany is the one thing that... And I don't... I don't know how..." She wiped her tears. "I always knew you know?...I mean sort of... I watched women walk by and I … I just didn't want to be them …. I wanted... to... I don't know... I don't know but I wanted something...And with those boys..." She looked down at her lap. "They didn't mean anything. They never did." She frowned. "I wanted it to..."

"Santana," Shelby whispered.

"It wasn't just what she said that made me not want it to be true." She tried to shape her words. "It's everything." She looked at her tearfully. "In New York, everyone knew what happened and I …. I wanted something to be my business without it being everyone else's. It just wasn't... People talked about us enough."

"What did you think they would talk about?" Shelby asked gently rubbing her back.

"I didn't... I didn't... " She let out a sob. "I didn't want it to be something that he did to me."

"Santana," Shelby whispered.

She looked at her with big, tear-filled eyes. "I don't know, Mom." She looked at her. "Aren't I supposed to feel better? Isn't it supposed to get better?"

At that moment the weight of it all was hitting her. It was exhausting and it hurt. Santana wiped her tears.

"I need them to be okay," she whispered as she laid into her mother's chest.

"They will be. Somehow. We brought Rachel back before and you -"

"Before she was little," Santana whispered. "Before she... " Santana shook her head. "I need something right..."

"And you have so many things, San," Shelby said gently. "He didn't do 'this' to you."

Santana scoffed. "How do you know?"

"When you were four," Shelby said with a smile wrapping her arms around her daughter. "Your best friends were Paige and Bailey. They lived down the street remember?" Santana nodded. "They were older than you. They had more life experience," Shelby said with a slightly mocking tone. "They were eight and nine and they loved treating you like a princess and primping you." She laughed at the memory. "You loved it. You loved the attention. You came home and you told me and Daddy that some day you were going to marry a girl like Paige." She paused and watched her reaction. Santana was just staring at the ground. "I didn't know what kind of woman you were going to be when you were four, but while you pushed boys on the playground. It was a power struggle. But …." Shelby smiled. "There another little girl... Sammi. You were five then and …. You were so nasty to her. You didn't push her. You never did, but you were mean to her. I sat down and and I asked you why." Shelby smiled. "And you said, "'She's too perfect. She's too pretty. She's too wonderful.'" Shelby sighed. "Later...After ….what happened...we moved to Lima and you met Brittany. You came home and you told me, 'She's going to be forever.'" She laughed. "You said it just like that. And I asked why? And you said, 'She's perfect.' And that you were going to have forever with her." She kissed Santana gently. "You, my sweet girl love the people you love. And I love you for that. It's not something that he did to you. He couldn't touch that."

Santana let out a sob. Shelby pulled her close.

"Not ever," Shelby whispered as she rubbed her back. "Not ever."

…..

Her head snapped up the garage door opened. She buried herself even deeper into the corner hoping not to be noticed. She heard faint, light steps and the door of the Range Rover shut. She waited. The garage door would open soon. She waited. And waited. Maybe...someone was getting something out of the car and would go back in the house. She waited for the door to reopen.

Nothing.

She frowned and peaked up.

She couldn't see anyone in the car.

She forced herself to listen.

There it was. she heard it.

Sniffling. She stood slowly and walked toward the car.

She looked in the back into the tinted windows and there she was. She opened the door slowly.

"Rachel," she said softly. Rachel was in the far back of the Range Rover clinching the keys in one hand and George in the other.

The girl wiped her eyes and looked at her. She must have seen the deschelved looked in Quinn's eyes because the eleven year looked down at her arm.

"What did you do?" she asked, tears still streaking her face.

Quinn looked down at her arm. "Just...um..." She gave a casual shrug. "Wanted to... get it off." Rachel frowned. Quinn climbed into the car. "It's fine."

"I'm quite sure that it isn't. You go to the doctor's office to remove casts not...the garage."

Quinn scoffed. She looked down at her arm. only one word was still coming to mind. Oops.

Her regret was interrupted with a nudge. She felt Rachel sit next to her on the middle seat. Quinn turned to her and reached over with her uninjured hand and wiped Rachel tears. "What's wrong?" She could feel Rachel shaking under her hand. "Rach," she said quietly.

The girl sniffled and took Quinn's injured arm in her lap and traced the unopened cuts on her arm. "These look like cat scratches," Rachel whispered. "I always wanted a kitten." She looked up at her and then back into the garage. "What did you use?"

"Rachel, answer my question," Quinn said, cupping her face gently. "What's wrong?" she searched the girl's eyes. Did he try to contract her? Did she see him?"

She bit her lip. "I had a bad dream," she muttered. She shook her head. "I don't... It doesn't matter."

Quinn looked at her. Being kind and gentle didn't come naturally, but with Rachel she knew it was what she needed. Rachel was the person that she secretly was. The one who knew how to ask for comfort without saying a word. Quinn looked at her with her tired eyes, tear stained face, and shaking frame. Wasn't, therefore, Quinn required to give it to her? As if she heard her Rachel lifted Quinn's uninjured arm around her and laid on the seat as she pulled Quinn gently with her.

"I'll lay with you," she whispered. "That always helps me."

Quinn rolled her eyes but let herself spoon Rachel on the seat. The tiny girl looked up at her. "Mom's going to kill you."

The blond drew out a breath and swallowed her pain as repositioned her injured arm. "Don't worry about that. Now tell me why you're hiding in the car?"

"Why are you cutting off your cast in the garage with... power tools?" she retorted.

"It wasn't a power tool," Quinn said. Rachel looked at her, unexpressed "It feels fine. It's all healed."

Rachel looked at her and while holding her gaze she poked the older girl in the arm. Quinn didn't wince, but her eyes echoed her pain.

"Liar," Rachel retorted and laid back down. "Told you so." She gave a quivering breath. "She's going to kill you."

"And people are going to freak when they find out you left the house because -" Quinn immediately cut herself off.

"I didn't leave the house," Rachel corrected. She frowned. "Because what?"

Quinn looked at her cautiously. "Because..." she gave a nervous laugh. "They freak out if you have a hangnail. Going missing during nap time causes freak out."

Rachel gave a tearful smile and moved back into Quinn's uninjured arm. Quinn rested her chin on her shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"I had a bad dream," she whispered.

"You said that already," Quinn said pushing her hair back. "Who did your hair? Looks like crap."

Rachel wiped a falling tear. "Who cut off your cast? It looks like crap," she replied.

"Touche," Quinn replied. She nudged her with a smile. "Come on. What's up?"

"I was talking to Pop-Pop and then I had a bad dream," she said after a few moments.

"Well, it's just a dream okay. You're here with me now. I promise you nothing bad will happen to you," she said with a reassuring smile.

Rachel's smile faded. "You can't promise that."

She started shaking more. Crap, Quinn thought. Good going you made her cry more.

"You're right, I can't," she whispered. "I'm sorry. But it was just a dream."

Rachel bit her lip and looked up at her. "I don't know what's real and what's not." She took a trembling breath. "I don't think it was just a dream." She looked at Quinn. The older girl could see that she was starting to cry again. "I used to... I used to want to know. But now …. I don't … I don't know. I'm getting things all mixed up." She bit her bottom lip for a moment. "This isn't just a bad dream that I want to wake up from you know... Quinn, I just... when I fall asleep I used to be safe...Maybe...I think. When I fall asleep, I just want to be safe again...I don't want to wake up. I'm tired of it. I don't want to fight reality anymore. You know?"

Quinn looked at her. She reached over and wiped her tears. "I do," she said quietly. "Why don't you have a good dream okay?"

"About what?" Rachel sniffled.

"I don't know," she smiled. "Singing kittens?"

Rachel smiled and leaned into Quinn as she laid down. "I feel safe with Mom, San and Noah, but I feel safe with you, too, Quinn." She looked at her. "You made it through right? So... I should be able to."

The older girl looked at her. "I don't know if you should compare, Rach." She gave a nervous laugh. "I cut my cast off in the garage."

"It just means you felt too much at once and you... haven't found an outlet. That's what Elyse says."

"And what's your outlet?"

"I'm hiding in a car, what do you think?" she asked with a tearful smile.

Rachel leaned back into her. "Will you tell me a story? People always tell me stories."

"Like your family?"

"Our family."

"I suck at stories, Rachel," Quinn muttered.

"You must have a story. I … I … I might have seen your notebook," she muttered and trailed off.

"Seen, Rachel?"

"The one that Elyse gave you. All you do is draw in it," she said darting her eyes. "You were supposed to write in it."

"You were supposed to not open it," Quinn said back with annoyance.

Rachel shrugged. "Then don't leave it out."

"I didn't," Quinn retorted.

"Well... you left your bag out... so I..."

"Rachel..."

"Will you just tell me a story?" she asked.

Quinn sighed. "Only because you're crying in the car." She sighed. "Once upon a time …"

"You're going to start out with a cliche?" Rachel asked with a frown.

"You wanted a story didn't you?"

Rachel laughed and let it fade slightly. "You know that this isn't about the story right?"

Quinn looked at her softly. "You know it wasn't about the cast right?" Rachel nodded. "Good." She sighed and wrapped her good arm around her. "So there was this kid..."

…...

**Please check my tumblr if by chance this story is taken down. I don't know if it's jeopardy, but just in case, I thought I would let you know that I do have a game plan. :) **


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

anon - Sorry for the delay. I had to work things out but here it is - I hope you enjoy. Thanks

Jared - Sorry it took a little longer for this update - here you go. The pic on my tumblr is me but from a while ago.

Nayafan - Wow so many reviews and you have your own stories to update. I am impressed. It is not silly that you are proud of these characters I am just so happy that you see the progress they have made or are making. I am going to try and have a couple more flashbacks for everyone - good ones too so that they can all see that there were happier times and they can get to those and its not just the bad times that shaped them into who they are today - does that make sense? Never apologize for not reviewing while I love them and they fuel my desire to get the updates out quicker I know how hard you work on your stories so thank you so much for taking the time to do that. I am not sure when Quinn will call Shelby mom to her face but she truly believes now that Shelby is her mom - and the right kind of mom. The woman who gave birth to Quinn should never be called mom again. It just might be a little too early for Quinn to say it to Shelby.

Thewaspscankles – Wow – thank you so much. I am overwhelmed by your review. I am so glad you are enjoying my story. I am glad that Quinn is a favorite of yours. I have worked hard on her character and I hope I have portrayed her correctly. These are very heavy topics and in my profession I unfortunately have to deal with very similar circumstances. I am trying to portray all of them as realistically as possible. So please gets some rest – I am glad you caught up with the story and I hope you continue to enjoy. Thank you so much.

Fangirl44 - Quinn and Rachel do have a very special relationship. It will continue to grow. Santana standing up to her grandmother shows how much progress she is making even though she does not really truly feel it. Thank you for the review. I hope you like this update.

Afraid of myself – Shelby has an outlet but does have an outlet but I honestly don't know if I will show it other than just mention it here and there. The 4 kids need it more and it will be discussed more. Russell violence with Quinn was both during the sexual encounters and also he physically beat her a lot more than 5 times. He raped her 5 times though. Anything else was done a lot more than 5 times. Quinn does NOT follow the Lucy storyline and you will see it in this chapter. I am putting your suggestion about the Q& A on my tumblr page – so thank you. Thank you for your questions, they are always welcome.

amandaes417 – I love reviews so thank you for remembering. Yes it is awful that the baby was Quinn's dads. And they will find out for sure so that there is no way his lawyers can get passed that. Unfortunately Helen's reaction to Santana and Brittany is more realistic to everyone being in complete acceptance of it – sorry but it just is. She will not be cruel about it though and she will not change her love for Santana. Quinn is going to be in a little bit of trouble for taking the cast off. She just feels kind of trapped so she wasn't thinking clearly. Thanks again for the review.

Lexie-Rae – Thank you for finding my story. You bring up some great points. You are right when Shelby says she is fine just like the kids do. She does lean on others but she is also a trained therapist so she does have more skills in coping than the kids. However, the family is going to have family group therapy – all of the Corcoran kids have had it before but Quinn will go as well. This will be happening sooner than later. They are going to tell Rachel that he is out on bail but they need to also reassure her that she is safe and that there is more in place than before so he can't get her. While one of these kids could fall through the cracks the extended family is so close to this family that it won't happen. They haven't talked about Leroy that much but they will, and yes Kate is Leroy's sister and she will be making an appearance soon. Never be sorry for questioning. I love that you like my story to have questions. They are always welcome. Again, thank you for hopping on this ride.

Kitty – Yes Will did make bail but Quinn's father is not his lawyer. He is just represented by the same law firm as Quinn's father. I think everyone wishes they had a big brother like Puck. He will protect all his sisters anyway he can. And even though he feels helpless sometimes to them he is not and that is what counts the most. Thank you for the review.

Janie - Yes Shelby will be upset with Quinn and she will be in trouble but it wont be the punishment that Quinn is expecting. They will be realizing pretty soon that Rachel is missing and will cause a brief panic amongst everyone. Little Santana will come out more- I am going to put more flashbacks so they show how things were.

Gleeky-Love- My tumblr is . Thanks for liking my story.

SuzQQ – Thanks for the review as always. Russell and Will will get what is due to them but not for a little bit. You are correct when you say they feel alone but are never alone. Not in this family – they all look out for each other.

look4me – yes Quinn is going to be in trouble and Shelby will be mad. However, she will be looking for Shelby to possibly strike her or turn away from her and she will be getting just the opposite. She has earned a punishment here and she won't like it but it will not be what she expects. The Rachel Quinn scene is one of my favorites. Thanks for the review.

Anna – Sorry for making you cry – I like the line Brittany has on the show but sometimes they make her so dumb that I can't stand it. Thank you for reviewing.

strawberryfruitsnaxs – Well thank you for finding this story, Rachel is only 11 in this story so any romance for her will be very very innocent.

Dave Green – I hope they don't take it down but I don't really have any control so I will continue to post it on my tumblr if they do. Thanks for reviewing and there is some Rachel in this chapter as well.

Iuterpi- I hope it won't be taken down either but it might be so I just wanted to give the warning. I will continue to write it on my tumblr though so hopefully you can find it there. There are more flashbacks coming trust me. I have a couple in this chapter. You are correct if they have the right lawyers they may be able to get out of anything. They are going back to school in a week but Shelby has something up for next week so they will not be missing that much school and I think you will enjoy it. Thanks for the review.

Abbie – Shelby is not going to be too happy that Quinn has decided that her cast should come off. It is far from being healed. Thanks for the review.

the lucky three leaf clover – unfortunately things like this do happen in real life and in my line of work I see it every day. My hope is one day to be able to stop it but right now I just want to show that people can recover from it and move forward as long as they have the love and support to help them. Thank you for the review and reading my story.

Unicorn20089 – The site has rules for how graphic stories can be so that is a reason it maybe taken down. Hopefully it will not be. It does not matter if I warn people it's the content I guess that people are complaining about. Thank you for reviewing the story though. I appreciate it a lot.

Drea LuRuiz – Unfortunately for Rachel her mind is confused about all that has happened. First she was so young when the original trauma happened and now even though she thinks she knows about sex she really doesn't. Shelby and the rest of the family are not going to be too pleased with either of the two girls that right now are sitting in the car in the garage. But that will be addressed in this chapter. Thanks for the review.

Liv – Rachel's dream is very hard. She is very confused and when you dream things do not make sense in the dream so that will make it all the more confusing for her. Hiram's intentions with the kids was not really explained yet. It may come out as the others begin to replay the trial in their heads. This story came from my job unfortunately. I am not sure where I will end this story but I already know I want to do a sequel. Thanks for the review.

E. F. Larsen – oh no – please do not kill them before the story has an ending. They are still needed for a bit. Thanks though – I now know where I have to go to get them killed. Thanks for the review.

A C one – Thank you ! It would not have been realistic that everyone is so accepting of Santana and Brittany's relationship especially the older generation. As much as I wanted the family to be accepting in the world we live in today its not realistic. She still loves Santana she just doesn't get it. Quinn and Rachel do have a special bond and from Rachel Quinn learns so much that she doesn't even realize it herself. You are correct Shelby is not going to be happy when she realizes the girls have wandered into the garage. I am pretty confident that Quinn is in for at least a lecture if not a little bit of a punishment. Thanks for the review.

Cookie07 – Really your favorite chapter so far – wow! I think that now that Santana has gotten out her feelings about Nana and her lack of acceptance and the fact that Santana is actually starting to say that she loves girls instead of boys is a step in the right direction and the fact that Santana is actually starting to like herself. She still has a long way to go but it is a step in the right direction. I am glad you enjoyed the chapter and I hope to please you with many more. Thanks for reviewing.

marinka4 – Trust me – you will hate Schue even more. The trial is not going to be an easy one for this family. Thanks for reviewing.

Kimberlli – Nana loves Santana but you have to remember she is old school and she doesn't understand it but she will always love her granddaughter and she won't do anything intentially to harm her. She may or may not come around. All the kids are in need of hugs and love and they will get it from each other and various family members. They are strong and while things are rocky – they will pull through. Thanks for the review.

NinjaGleek21 – I love that you review so we are even! Thanks again for the cookies. You can keep Russell hidden until I need him but I will need them both back to give them the justice they deserve.

Filmaddict – Unfortunately Helen is of the older generation and she may or may not come around but it wont affect her love that she has for Santana – she still will do anything for her granddaughter – she just doesn't understand that kind of love right now. Quinn and Rachel do share a bond and they will both learn many coping skills from each other. Thanks for the review.

NayaFan – Glad you are able to review. Santana has always been protective of her family, that is her personality she was born with but it was intensified once everything happened. Santana will do anything not to have Rachel afraid of her and that is what will get her initially accepting therapy again. Quinn and Santana are getting closer by the day. Noah and Michael have a really strong relationship and he needs that since his dad passed away. I am so honored that you call my work outstanding. It means more than you will know. I don't think you need it but anytime you want help just let me know and I will give it a try. Rachel allowing Shelby is a huge step but it is one that constantly has to be enforced because at Rachel's weakest points she still turns to Santana. It will not always be that way and by Shelby stepping up with the shower and the medication application Rachel will soon to always ask for Shelby. Quinn does want Shelby to be mad but her mad and Shelby's mad wont ever be the same. Shelby will be angry at Quinn this chapter but as a good parent it is more of a disappointment than anger. Don't apologize for not reviewing you have lots of stories you work on and I appreciate them. Thank you for the reviews.

lovecanbesostrange – You are right there are small signs that all the kids are healing ever so slightly but it is there. The scars are deep for Santana about what she heard Nana say in the past and it was extremely brave for her to voice her opinion to her beloved grandmother but again that is showing that Santana is indeed healing as well. Even though she has regressed in one area (acting out more) she has moved forward in another area and that is a giant step in the right direction. Shelby holds a lot of guilt but what good parent wouldn't – the thing is Shelby is working through it and forcing the issue of Santana to stop mothering Rachel and now the last bit of allowing Rachel to grow up more. In even normal households where no trauma has happened the baby of the family is always babied a lot longer than they should be. It takes time but they will get there but to some degree they will always baby Rachel. Thank you once again for your great reviews – I love them – keep them coming.

Lolathe17th – Santana feels the need to be in control of situations and therefore she feels like she has to know everything because of what happened in the past. It was all out of her control and she feels lost not controlling every situation. Thanks for both reviews I enjoyed them so much.

Ryoko05 I am honored that this story is your favorite. Thank you for reviewing, they definitely make me want to do my best every time.

Doodle19 – Thank you so much for your review. It fuels me to continue and only put out my best.

Scout – The Quinn / Rachel scene at the end is a favorite of mine too. I am glad you enjoyed it. Yes Quinn is going to have to do a lot of explaining when they find the cast has been taken off. Thank you for the review.

Marauderette96 – I am glad that you enjoy the updates. I try my very best to get them out on time. Thank you.

broadwaybound2016- Rachel's dream was intense and it is just the start of her confusion. She needs so much help and she will get it. My tumblr link is . I hope that works. Thanks for the review.

**AN Hi Everyone! So sorry about the delay. I don't feel like this is the best. However, I knew I was late getting it up. There is more coming in this story don't worry. I'm sorry if you don't like it. It's slightly lighter than other chapters. **

**However, be warned that this story overall deals with very serious topics and you should read at your own risk. Thank you for all of the questions. Please don't hesitate to ask. **

CHapter 42

Santana kept her face resting on her mother's chest. She wiped her tears.

"Is that why you switch me to Elyse?" she asked quietly.

"Why do you think?" her mother asked.

She looked up at her. "I don't need..." She bit her lip "I'm okay."

"You are," Shelby whispered. "But you have a lot to work out."

"So do you," the girl whispered back. Normally it would have been sharp but she didn't have the bite to her anymore. She felt raw and exhausted. "I miss him," she muttered.

"Me too," Shelby said without hesitation, kissing her softly on the forehead. She knew exactly who Santana was talking about because she missed him everyday all the time. Shelby knew that a similar ache resided inside Santana. However, Shelby lost her best friend. She leaned her head on her daughter's. Santana lost her father. Shelby didn't know that loss.

Santana squeezed her eyes shut and opened her mouth, hoping the words would spill out effortlessly. However, a noise stopped her. She pulled slightly away from her mother once she calmed. She heard footsteps coming down the stairs. She knew that her grandfather was descending. No one had heavier steps. He combed his hand through his salt and pepper hair and stretched lightly.

"Rachel's down here right?" he asked trying unsuccessfully to mask his stress.

Shelby looked at Santana and the panic set in. What was going on? She felt her heart in her chest, it was beating too rapidly. She couldn't not keep Rachel safe in her own home. She needed to keep them safe.

"No," Shelby said jumping to her feet. "Damn it." She felt her heart pounding in her chest. He succeeded again. She was gone. She felt her breath quicken. She closed her eyes. She needed to concentrate. She couldn't think about the idea that Rachel might be trapped in a dark room with him, screaming for help. She couldn't think about that. Concentrate.

"What happened?" she hissed looking at her father.

He shook his head. "She was scared. She was asking questions and she fell asleep." He looked at his daughter with an indescribable regret. He shook his head slowly. "I fell asleep."

She put her hands up. "We can't lose it. We need to look. She probably is in the house. Right? Focus!"

Her daughter looked at her with fear saturating her pupils. "We'll find her," Shelby said gently. "Let's just look."

….

Noah looked at the ceiling of the basement. He came down here with an intention of doing something. However, after a workout with the punching back that left him breathless, he was now just staring up at the ceiling. He couldn't think about any of this. He needed to be somewhere else. He needed to get his head around it all. Will was out on the loose.

"Hey bud."

He looked up and saw his grandmother standing on the stairs. He hadn't realized that she had been standing there a while. He sat up. "Hi."

"Why are you laying on the floor?"

"Thinking," he shrugged as he stood up. "Why are you hiding down here?"

"I'm not hiding," she scoffed. "I'm here to see my number one guy."

He looked at her and rolled his eyes. "I'm not your number one." He shook his head. "I know that for sure."

"That's not true," she said softly. "You're-"

"Stop, Nana," he looked at her desperately. "Please."

"What do you want, Noah?" she asked quietly.

"To lay here for a sec," he muttered laying back down. "Just... lay here."

The older woman sighed. She forced herself to remember the necessity of listening and how it worked better in silence. She leaned back on the stair and nodded. She could sit. They let silence carry them with ease from one moment to the next until it was interrupted.

"Noah?" a voice of panic hollered down the stairs.

The boy looked up the stairs as his grandfather came running down them. "Is Rachel down here with you?"

He frowned. "No?" He looked at his grandfather's worried face. His eyes bulged. "Where the hell is she?"

Michael's only response was sprinting back upstairs. Noah followed Michael two by two up the stairs. Santana was reentering from the back when the three of them emerged from the basement.

"She's not out back or in the dining room," Santana said.

"Maybe she's with Quinn," Noah offered.

"She and I were on the roof before Brittany came-" Santana began.

"You were what?" Shelby asked.

"Brittany was here?" Noah asked.

"Where have you been?" Santana gawked at her brother avoiding her mother's eyes.

"In the basement," he said quietly.

"I'll check the roof," Santana said quickly running up the stairs. Shelby sprinted after her. Her adrenaline pumped in her ears but she knew that she couldn't have one daughter missing and another one falling off the roof. She continued after her.

"Quinn?" Shelby shouted as she went through the room. She looked behind her and her mother was trailing. "Mom, look in every nook and cranny for Quinn. She's probably hiding." Shelby thought for a moment. "Rachel too."

She nodded as she followed Santana. Rach was hiding, she told herself. She's hiding. She's okay. She suddenly got another flash of Rachel in a dingy basement trying to push away the weak creepy asshole that rekindled the horrors from Rachel's early childhood. She shook her head.

She opened the window that led outside to the roof. She couldn't see a thing. Nothing. Nothing on the roof. Nothing. She could see the panic in Santana's eyes.

"We'll find her," she heard herself tell her daughter. However, she didn't believe it.

They returned to the second floor.

"I can't find Quinn anywhere," Helen said. "Where did you say she was?"

"I didn't," she muttered. Think. Quinn's gone and Rachel's gone.

Her keys. Where were her keys? Shelby ran downstairs to the kitchen. She normally left them in her purse. Where was her purse? She spotted it on the breakfast table. She scrambled around inside of it. Why did she have so much stuff in here? she gave up and dumped the keys on the table. Damn it. No keys.

….

Noah watched as Nana trailed after Santana and his mother. He frowned. She had to be in the house. She used to hide everywhere.

"I fell asleep," Pop-Pop murmured. "I can't believe I fell asleep."

"Check under the stairs," he told his grandfather, snapping the man from his stupor.

Noah saw him disappear under the stairs as he went into the garage. Rachel once hid in the plastic storage container. Was she in there? He walked around the couch and went for the storage container and something crunched under his foot. He frowned and looked at the ground. A green cast was crumbled beneath his shoe. . Quinn's cast? He looked around the back of the couch. Nothing. Nothing. He started back toward the house, but stopped. He looked back at the Range Rover.

"Quinn! Rachel?" he called. There was some movement in the car. "RACHEL?"

The backdoor of the Range Rover shot open. Quinn emerged rubbing her temple. "Shut up!" she hissed barely above a whisper. She looked behind her. "I just got her asleep."

Noah walked toward the car and peered in behind her. Rachel was sound asleep on the middle seat. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Jesus Christ," he muttered letting out a sigh.

Noah leaned into the car and and picked the girl up gently as she continued to sleep. He frowned down at the cast that lay in shambles on the ground as they walked into the house. Quinn avoided his gaze as he asked, "What happened?"

"I was going to come tell you she was out here," Quinn said quickly and quietly. "She was just too scared to leave by herself."

"No, I mean your arm," he said with a frown.

"Nothing," she grumbled, hiding her arm behind her back.

He opened the door and started into the house. "Mom?" he called. "I found them."

Quinn was amazed that Rachel continued to sleep. She must have been tired.

"Noah?" they heard Shelby yell in worry and fright as she came running towards them. She spotted the girls in with a sob of relief. "Give her to me," she said hurriedly. "Rach?" she asked taking the girl into her arms. "Rachel?" Shelby sat in the chair at the looked over Rachel. "Honey? Are you okay? Wake up for me please." She looked at Quinn. "Are you alright? Come here," she said in an unusually rushed and frantic voice as she waved for Quinn to come closer. "Are you okay?" Quinn walked closer but kept her hands behind her back.

"She was asleep with Quinn out in the Range Rover," he explained as Quinn continued to avoid Shelby's eyes.

"She just came out there," the blonde said as casually as possible. "She was there and .. yeah."

Rachel moaned quietly in her mother's arms. "Mumma?"

Shelby heard a small sob escape her lips. She cupped the back of Rachel's head with her palm and pulled her close to her chest as she tried her best to dispel images of Rachel in the bleak basement with that man or in the dingy apartment in New York as the girl lost her innocence.

Quinn watched the moment between Shelby and Rachel and felt as if she was invading again. It was too intimate; it was simply too much. The woman was melting with emotions. She was worried, Quinn realized not just about Rachel's safety but in that brief moment while Quinn lulled the girl to sleep with a story that was meant to instill safety that Shelby was having a nightmare of the opposite. She was thinking about the worst case scenarios, all while Quinn was trying to build a story with a happy ending before Rachel fell into slumber. Shelby leaned her forehead against Rachel's. "You scared me, bug," she whispered.

"I'm sorry," Quinn murmured.

The mother looked at her slowly. "Are you alright?" she asked after squeezing her eyes shut and reopening them with a long sigh. She shifted Rachel onto her shoulder. She reached her hands out to Quinn. "Are you okay? I need you to answer me. Where were you?"

The blonde nodded. "Yes, I'm fine. I just went to get some air and Rachel came out there..."

"I asked you to stay inside," Shelby said quietly, but sharply, still cradling Rachel.

"I did," Quinn argued. "I didn't leave the garage."

Shelby looked at her. She was standing differently There was something off but the mother couldn't -

Then it clicked.

"What were you doing in the garage?" she asked carefully.

"Just... um... getting some air," she replied.

"Let me see your arms," Shelby said with a hard look.

"Um..." Quinn shook her head. "I would rather not. It's fine," she said. "It doesn't hurt at all."

"Quinn, now!" Shelby said sharply.

Quinn slowly revealed her arm. Shelby's eyes bulged. "QUINN NICOLE FABRAY!"

The blond's eyes grew wide. She barely saw Shelby hand off Rachel to Santana.

_Twelve year old Quinn could barely move. She just continued to sit in the car. Frannie was next to her gripping the steering wheel. _

"_He's going to kill me," she whispered. "He's going to kill me," she said more loudly. She gave a shuddering breath. _

_Quinn never felt badly for her sister. In her entire twelve years she never felt bad. However, in that moment as they sat in her father's brand new Bentley, she knew they didn't have a prayer. _

"_I … um...I'm...," Quinn stuttered. She wanted to tell her she was sorry. However, she couldn't find any words. How could she find the words to something she had never said before. She knew her sister didn't mean to scratch the car. She knew that it wasn't anyone's fault. They simply returned to the car and it was there. It wasn't Frannie's fault, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was that Frannie was driving when it happened. She was indirectly at fault. There was no hope. _

_The garage door opened and Russell stood there in his suit and tie staring at the side view mirror. The silence settled on them, save the garage door reclosing as Russell took loud steps toward the car. _

"_Get out!" he said fiercely. Both girls climbed out of the car. _

_The man grabbed Frannie's arm and dragged her to the front side of the car. His eyes were blazing. "Who the hell did this?" Frannie didn't answer right away and stared at the four inch scratch on the front, side hood of the car. Quinn slowly got out of the car, but dared not to look at her father. _

"_WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!" he screamed shaking Frannie, still squeezing the girl tighter. She was wearing a short sleeve shirt and Quinn could see the finger marks sinking into her skin. _

"_I .. I … don't know," Frannie stuttered. _

"_I don't CARE!" he screamed. He grabbed the back of Frannie's neck with his free hand as he brought her eyes closest to the scratch. "LOOK AT THIS!" he screamed. He shook the back of her head and her forehead against the car. "DAMN IT! TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!" _

_Quinn looked at the ground. She couldn't see this. Her sister pretended she was strong all of the time but she wasn't. _

_Frannie looked up at him with wide eyes. She let out a sob. "Quinn did it," she said after less than a second of hesitation. _

_The smaller girl looked at her with fear. She looked back at her father with terror. He dropped Frannie. _

"_What?" he asked quietly. She shook. "You thought your sister would take the fall for it?" She watched as he sneered and began to unthread his belt. How could Frannie do that to her? She shook in front of her. _

"_I … I ….I …" She looked at Frannie and couldn't help the tears falling down her face. "I didn't do it." _

_He chuckled. "You think Frannie is lying?" _

"_I-I-I..." _

"_Answer me, Quinn," he said icily as he walked toward her. She wanted to back away but she couldn't. "Answer me, Quinn," he repeated as he doubled the belt over. "QUINN NICOLE FABRAY!" She shuddered. _

_She looked at Frannie unable to control her tears. Her sister just looked back at her. She wasn't sympathetic. All she looked was relieved. Nothing else. _

"_That's it," he hissed. _

_He reached out and grabbed her upper arm with one hand and let the other bring the thick leather belt down on Quinn's dress-covered behind. She released a trembling breath. After ten lashings, he pushed her away and she fell onto all fours on the floor. He threw her dress over her head and pulled her panties down her ankles. _

"_You, little ungrateful bitch!" he screamed. Each word delivered a punishing hit. _

_Quinn sobbed into the garage floor. She could still see her sister's feet. She looked up and saw Frannie staring down at her. Through her tears Quinn could see her sister's smug look. _

"_Daddy, may I leave?" Frannie asked straightening. _

"_Yes," Russell said breathlessly as he yanked Quinn up to her feet and tucked the bottom of her dress into the back collar of her dress. "Corner, Quinn!" he scolded. She slowly made her way to the corner as she glared at her sister, cursing herself for feeling anything for her. "We're not done, Quinn," he bellowed. _

_Frannie didn't look back as she headed into the house. _

"Quinn?" Shelby said gently cupping her face. "I'm sorry I yelled. You're okay."

She blinked and looked around and noticed that they were in the downstairs bathroom. There was a large first aid kit in a large tackle box normally used for fishing. Shelby was gently cleaning her arm.

"You should not have done this, sweetheart."

She took a deep breath and looked around. "Where is Rachel? You should be with her," she said hurriedly. "I didn't mean to scare you. I knew you would be upset, because... he's out..." Her eyes widened. "I didn't. I didn't tell her. I promise. She was scared. She was shaking and so I... I stayed with her."

"She found you?" Shelby asked.

Quinn nodded as Shelby continued to gently clean her arm. The mother was hoping to ease her from whatever memory distracted her from the present.

"I … um... yes... I was … um... I finished cutting it off - It really doesn't hurt. It's fine."

Shelby raised her eyebrow. "It's anything but fine. We're going to get it re-casted." The brunette woman frowned. "And I think you'll need a tetanus shot. When was the last time you had one?" Quinn shrugged. "I figured." She sighed and shook her head. "This is not okay, Quinn."

The girl lowered her head and bit her lip. She wasn't sure what to say. For most of her life she was scared of being hit. She avoided it. she dreaded it. However, in this moment she never thought she would be so ashamed of disappointing Shelby. In that moment, her calm demeanor and gentleness hurt more. Quinn never wanted so badly to be hit instead.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. She felt a tear trickle down her cheek. She didn't even feel them in her eyes. "I didn't want to disappoint you …. I just... It just happened."

Shelby sighed and looked her. She took her hands gently. "I know." She looked at her so tenderly that Quinn couldn't stop her tears at all. "You need to come to me when you feel this way. It's not that you should. It's that you must. Your emotions aren't wrong and just because you feel them doesn't mean that you have to tackle them all by yourself. Okay? What you did to your arm, sweetheart, means that that you might have misaligned your arm again. You might have caused permanent damage and you certainly added more weeks to wearing this cast."

Quinn looked down. "I didn't... I didn't mean to...It just happened."

"What do you mean by that?" Shelby asked in that careful, soft tone again.

"I just... I felt..." She frowned and looked at the ground. She paused. She couldn't find her words.

"Full?" Shelby offered.

She frowned and nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay. Thank you for telling me. We'll work on that.," Shelby said. "Let's get you to the hospital."

She took the girl's hand and they went down the stairs. Rachel was still sleeping in the living room. Santana looked up as them came down the stairs.

"You okay?" she asked quickly coming into the foyer.

"We're heading to the hospital. Mom, will you drive us," Shelby said. Noah left the room and returned with their coats.

"I'll drive you," Helen offered grabbing the keys.

"They're in the car," Quinn said quietly. The family looked at her quizzically. "Rachel brought them out with her when she came out. I took them from her hand when she fell asleep."

Shelby nodded. "Okay."

"I'll come, too," Santana said as she walked toward the kitchen to grab her coat.

"You're staying here, Santana," her mother called

"Mom," she began.

"Stay here," Shelby said ushering her own mother and Quinn out the door. Michael came into the foyer. "We're moving the kids back upstairs. May sure everyone's settled when I'm back. Noah, Santana, , help your grandfather please."

"Mom," she called. She looked at her in protest.

"No, Santana," she warned. "Not up for discussion." She took a breath and walked over to Santana. She pulled into a hug. "I need you to stay here, San. Okay?" Santana nodded into her shoulder. "Go snuggle with Rachel or get Quinn's room ready for her."

"Mom, I can go. I can help," she said quietly.

"I know, but I need you and Noah here. Rachel had a bad dream that's why she was in the car," Shelby said quietly. "If she wakes up and Noah and Pop-Pop are upstairs and I'm still at the hospital with Quinn... Noah knows how to comfort her, but she might want you. You're not coming. We're not talking about this." She pulled away and looked at Noah. "I love you. We'll be back."

The door closed.

…

Santana pushed around the food on her plate.

"Do you not like it?" Michael asked as he dried his hands on the dish towel.

The girl looked at the soup and sandwich. "No, it's great. I'm just not really hungry."

"I get it, San," he said with a sigh. "But your mother does not need another kid that is not eating so can you try a little harder and eat that please."

She sighed and took a bite of the sandwich. Her gave her grandfather a soft smile. He made a good tomato, mozzarella and basil sandwich and the perfect tomato soup: comfort food.

He smiled back at her. "I wanted to tell you two something," he said gently sitting next to them. "I haven't talked to your mom yet, Noah, but you need to replace your car."

Noah looked at his grandfather. He shook his head. "I don't want to do that, PopPop." He looked at Santana. "When mom looks for cars, it's like a research project, especially because she hated the Mustang..." He gave a nervous smile. "She always hated that Aunt Kate did that. I'll never forget the look on her face when we came home and and it was sitting in the driveway." He looked at Santana. "Remember?" She gave him a weak smile. He went on. "Ummm..." He sighed. He looked at his foodless plate. He thought for a moment. He never understood his mother's relationship with his aunt. There were a lot of unsaid things. His mother had not been thrilled with the gift. She was not happy. He remembered her smile through clenched teeth, but she never said anything bad about her. She accepted the gift. Noah sighed and looked at his grandfather. "I don't want to remind anyone of the reason why I don't have a car."

Santana looked at her brother carefully. "Noah," she started.

He shook his head. "I don't want a car, Pop-Pop," he said. "We just need to focus on this now." He looked at the older man, back at the quiet living room door and then back at the table. "I don't need a car. I don't need another thing on Mom's plate. You know she'll try to figure out what's the best car to drive on top of the trials and all that." He looked at her hands. "I don't need a car."

Santana looked at her brother. "Yeah, you do, knuckle-head." She smirked. "I know you don't want to add to her burden, but do the damn research yourself. You know cars. Find one that Mom would approve of."

She took a bite of her sandwich. He smiled at his sister. "I don't need a car," he said again to his grandfather. "But don't worry about it. I'll look into it."

Michael nodded. "Guys, I'm really proud of you, you know."

Santana laughed awkwardly as she took a bite of her sandwich. "We're proud of you, too, Pop-Pop."

"No," he said honestly. "You've really stepped up. I know your mother appreciates it and -"

Santana scoffed. "What else would we do?" She looked at her brother. "I mean seriously. We're not going to do nothing, I mean -" She shook her head at the ridiculousness of it. "It's not about us stepping up as much as … what else is there for us to do?" She shrugged. "I don't know if we're even helping," she trailed off and looked at her sandwich.

"You are," Michael assured. "More than know."

Santana pressed her lips together and shook her head. "Maybe," she muttered. "But don't thank us, Pop-Pop. It's like thanking us for breathing. It's weird."

He smiled. "I'm grateful you guys are breathing. There are so many things that people do wrong. You two get so many things right but you seem to forget it and pass it off as breathing or as something not good enough." He kissed them each on their forehead.

Noah looked at his dirty dishes with a frown. The crumbs littered his plate. He knew he didn't help like Santana did. Rachel didn't need him like she needed Santana.

"Noah," he heard Santana whisper. She nudged his shoulder.

He gave her a slight smile trying to silence his full mind. He nudged back. "Nothing," he said.

"Alright," he said. "I'll chip in." He leaned in. "On two conditions," Michael began.

"You don't have to do that," Noah said.

"Two conditions," the older man went on, pretending that the boy didn't say a word.

"Firstly," he said. Santana darted her eyes between the two men in anticipation, though most of it was exaggerated for her own amusement. "You send in the applications on your desk."

Santana frowned. "What applications?"

Noah avoided her gaze and Michael continued.

"Secondly, explain to me what road trip you're planning," he said with a knowing smirk.

Santana gawked. "What?" She swatted her brother's arm. "Road trip? What the hell?"

"Santana," Michael said with a warning glance.

"I'm sorry but-" She looked up at her grandfather and saw that his gaze was focused behind her. She turned and gave a soft smile. Rachel stood at the door rubbing her eyes tiredly. "Hey, Rach."

Rachel sniffled and walked to the island and leaned between Noah and Santana.

"You alright?" Noah asked combing her hair out of her face.

She nodded as her brother wiped the moisture that still collected on the end of her eye lashes from the tears she failed to completely conceal.

"You sure?" he asked.

Rachel nodded and leaned into his side and rested her head silently on his arm.

"Let's make you a sandwich," Michael said with a smile. Rachel didn't argue but only looked back at him tiredly. "Or at least heat you some soup."

Santana reached out and ran her hand through Rachel's hair. "Do you want some of that nasty vegan pasta instead?" she asked hoping to ease a smile out of the quiet girl. Rachel looked at her hollowly and shook her head.

"I'll make you some pasta bug," Michael said as he put a pot on a stove with water to boil.

Santana sighed. "What's wrong, bug?"

Rachel shrugged and leaned more into Noah. "Rach?" Noah asked. "Did you have a bad dream?"

The girl started to tear up and cry. She shook her head. "No," she whispered. "I'm fine."

Santana scoffed and looked at her brother. "Clearly not."

Rachel let out a tiny sob. "Where's Mom?"

"Rach," Santana said gently. "Come here, bug."

Michael watched his youngest grandchild carefully. She looked down at her hands and her eyes gushed with tears. "Don't push her, guys," he said quietly. Everything that had happened had left Rachel not only withdrawn but devastated. She was overwhelmed. She was so overwhelmed that she was beyond an expression of emotion. She was overflowing with emotions. He saw it during his thirty year career with the police department. As a forensic psychologist he knew when trauma was so deep that people simply became drowned in their emotions.

Santana reached down and lifted Rachel effortlessly and easily onto her barstool with her and into her lap. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She pulled Rachel's hair out of her face and Noah wiped the girl's tears. "Lets eat something and then we are gonna move the stuff back upstairs. Do you want to put your bed in a different place in your room? Maybe away from the wall?"

Rachel shrugged. She felt so lost. She was now scared to sleep because every time she slept she had that same dream. Sleeping with San used to be a solace. Now sleeping itself was a nightmare. She wanted to know what was real, she always had. However, now the horror of it scared her too much. She didn't want to know but she had to.

Santana could feel her trembling slightly in her arms. Her eyes grew wide and she looked at her grandfather and brother. What the hell was going on? She was waking up more scared than the last time. Her grandfather fanned his hand down, telling Santana silently to calm as his other hand handed Rachel a bowl of vegan pasta and olive oil. She knew that Rachel could feel her tension. She sighed.

"You want your own stool, Rach?" Noah asked. "As you eat?"

Rachel shook her head. "I'm fine," she mumbled. She looked up at Santana. "I just want to sleep with you. I don't care where my bed is."

Santana smiled. "Okay. We can go upstairs and move my room around. We can push the beds and see what we can do." She smiled. "Well I'll push your bed and you can watch. " Rachel cracked a small smile. Santana remembered a conversation that she had with her mother years ago about the importance of acting normal.

"There will be plenty of other people that will treat you differently," Shelby had said. "You guys don't have to treat each other differently."

Santana reached over and grabbed a fork. "I'm not going to feed you, bugs," she smiled handing her the fork. She was grateful as Rachel began to slowly eat the pasta. Was this the kinda fight that her grandfather was just fighting? She sighed and looked at her brother. "What do you think, Noah? We could put Quinn's bed in the tub."

Rachel let a little smile escape her lips. "She can't sleep in the tub."

Noah leaned down and kissed her gently on the cheek. "There she is," he smiled.

"Rach, eat up," Santana said quietly. "I need to get Noah working or he is going to make us watch sports center again."

The girl gave a tiny smile and took another bite.

…...

Quinn watched the nurses and the doctors move past their curtain in the ER. Shelby had looked at her with such a distant disappointment that Quinn wanted to break her other arm. However, she paused at the thought knowing that the reality of the choice might cause even more turmoil and stress.

She sighed. They had just done a quick x-ray and now they were waiting for the results. The look from Dr. Pierce was almost as terrible as the one from Shelby. Again, Quinn couldn't help but prefer being hit. It was the strangest desire, but it was there nonetheless.

And then there was Helen who was just sitting there looking at Quinn with unreadable eyes. Was she upset? Was she frustrated? Was she hungry? Was it even lunch time? Quinn couldn't tell at all.

"Alright, Quinn," Dr. Pierce said pulling a cart of casting equipment. "I just looked at your x-ray. There was only a slight slip of the bone but I have to adjust the cast so that you can no longer move the wrist or the thumb." Quinn looked at him with disgust. Her guilt about disappointing Shelby reduced as her fury at the situation rose. "The cast has to be on for another eight to ten more weeks versus the original six to eight."

Quinn frowned in disapproval. "What?" she shook her head.

"Hey, you're the one who sawed it off in the garage," Helen said with a frown.

"Mom," Shelby hissed.

"Let's get started," Dr. Pierce said not leaving any further room for discussion.

Twenty minutes later Quinn looked down at her red cast. She couldn't move her thumb. She was permanently in a hitchhiking position. She couldn't get her face from its frowning position. Damn it, she thought to herself.

"This is ridiculous," she spat. "I'm sorry! My thumb is not broken. My arm is. I don't-"

"You don't have a choice," Shelby said quietly. "By cutting it off you shifted the bones before they're ready. We have to keep your thumb in place in order for the rest of your arm to heal."

"She's right, Quinn," Dr. Pierce said. "If you don't give this time to heal there could be permanent damage."

Quinn frowned. "I'ma cheerleader! I'm captain!"

"And you may be forever cheering from the sidelines," Shelby cautioned. "You will let this heal." She looked at Dr. Pierce. "Thank you, Tom." He nodded and walked away from the family. Quinn looked at her challengly. "Even though I understand that you need your space, you're still in trouble." Quinn frowned and looked at her. Her instincts around those words were untamable. Shelby saw it and took her uncasted hand and continued. "You are not allowed to go into any room without someone with you for the next 2 weeks. On top of that, you need to write a paper regarding the proper length of time it takes bones to heal." Quinn rolled her eyes. "You'll have additional chores to do but I'll take your cast into consideration."

Quinn stared at her in frustration. "Don't give me that look, Quinn," Shelby said gently with a smile. "I don't like this either. Come on. Let's go home."

The blonde hesitated and looked at the women. They were disappointed in her. They were upset about her choice. However, they still stood there smiling at her. It was so inconsistent with everything she knew. She sighed. Everything in her own head was a mess. She was hot and cold with her own emotions. She walked closer to Shelby. She couldn't think too hard about it all. It simply wasn't a choice. If she thought too much about it she would remember it too hard and it would hurt unbearably.

…...

Noah set down Quinn's bed back into Quinn's room with a groan. "This is heavy," he said with frustration "Are you carrying anything?" he asked Santana as they made their way down the hallway.

Santana glared at her brother.

"Keep it moving guys," Michael called. "We still have to move the furniture in from the garage too."

She rolled her eyes but continued down the hallway. She silently wished that Rachel and Quinn had to move furniture but then her smugness faded when she realized losing organs like spleens and kidneys qualified as a get out jail free card to the furniture moving punishment. She stopped into her own room and noticed Rachel curled in a ball at the head of her bed.

"She asleep?" Noah asked leaning against the door frame.

Santana nodded. "yeah," she muttered as she pulled her blanket over her sister. "I told her we'd be finished in a few minutes. She's been laying here for not even fifteen minutes and she's out." She sighed.

noah watched with a furrowed brow. "You okay?"

"What's wrong with her, Noah?" Santana murmured, her voice cracking a little.

"She's scared, San. He scared the shit out of her and she doesn't know how to tell us..." he frowned. "Just like before."

"Before she was three and didn't know how to talk like a real person," Santana said, shifting and looking at her brother. "She's a real person now and … I don't know... She's not here... "

"Hey," he said softly. "She'll talk to us. You just have to give her time. Rachel needs to wrap her head around if first and then she'll come to us." He grinned at Santana. "Not all of us throw up emotions like you do."

"Shut up," she chuckled. She stopped and followed him down the stairs. "What's up with this road trip?" She saw him stiffen. "Why was I not invited? I'm inviting myself by the way."

His face hardened. "No way."

She frowned. "What the hell."

They reached the bottom of the stairs. "Noah," she began again. "What the-"

A gentle knock at the door interrupts her. "I need to know," she said looking over her shoulder and glaring at her brother.

He barely acknowledged her. She sighed in frustration and opened the door. Her frustration faded.

"Hey."

"Hi," Brittany smiled. "I heard Quinn needed to be recasted." Santana frowned. Brittany went on. "My sister was dropping off take out for my dad and said she saw Quinn" The blonde smiled. "So... I thought you would be here and wanted to say hi."

Santnaa smiled sheepishly. "Hi." She looked around. "I'm still grounded you know." Brittany laughed and took Santana's hand.

"I figured, that's why I wanted to say 'hi' now that your mom isn't here." She smiled. She looked behind her and Santana followed her gaze. Melanie was sitting in the car. "We only have like twenty minutes until my mom gets home and we're both sorta grounded." She shook her head. "I had to pay Melanie in candy to have her drive me here."

Santana laughed and wrapped her arms around Brittany's neck. The girl blushed.

"They'll be home anytime," She said slightly pulling away but keeping her hands interlaced behind the blonde's neck. She gave a smile. "This feels right." She bit the side of her lip. It was surprising, but it was there. "Thanks for coming."

Brittany smiled and kissed her lightly on the lips. "I didn't come just for you. I wanted to check with you about Quinn." The blonde grimaced. "Is she furious with me?"

Santana frowned. "I think she's more furious at herself." She looked away from Brittany knowing that the father of Quinn's baby was still thought to be Finn by Brittany. "I can't tell you all of the details," she muttered. "I want to, but I can't."

"I know," she said leaned into Santana. "I didn't mean to make you feel as if I'm asking you." She shrugged. "I just...messed up with her. And the only way to help her was betray her. She has a right to be mad at me."

"She's not," Santana interrupted cupping Brittany's face. "Trust me. Of everyone, she's not mad at you. You did something that she wasn't brave enough to do. Tell the truth." Santana shrugged. "We're all learning how to be brave for each other." She pulled her into a hug. "She knows you love her and have her back." Santana leaned her head on Brittany's shoulder. "She's just slow at expressing it."

Brittany chuckled. "Takes one to know one." She leaned into her. "Rach okay?"

"No," Santana muttered into her shirt.

The horn beeped. Brittany pulled away slightly. "I have to go."

She held her hands and pulled them playfully, causing Santana's body to pivot slightly. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

She frowned. "Tomorrow?"

Brittany nodded. "Didn't your mom tell you?" Santana's look of confusion answered her question. "Through our week of suspension we're getting a tutor."

"You're coming, too?" She smiled. "Maybe it won't be that bad."

"It will be. I heard she's nuts."

"You're kidding," Santana frowned.

The blonde laughed and captured the girl's lips in a kiss causing the frown to fail. "Nope," she muttered as she pulled away. "And I heard she's a trip, too."

Santana groaned. Brittany kissed her one last time. "Don't frown so much," she said with a gentle smile. "You'll get wrinkles." Santana smiled. The blonde grinned back as she walked briskly to the car. "Her name is Holly Holiday. What kind of name is that?" Santana smiled. "Told ya. No wrinkles." The blonde nodded.

The brunette watched her drive away. She smiled.

"You guys make me want to throw up, you're so freakin' charming," Noah said coming behind her. "You've become one of those gross couples. If you write a love song, I'm disowning you. I can't believe you're into that love crap," he shrugged nudging her.

Santana watched her drive away. "I am. I so totally am," she muttered.

…..

Quinn hadn't said a word since the hospital. Helen put the car into park. The furniture was out of the garage and the remnants of the crumbled green cast were gone. She looked down at her cast. Quinn chose red this time. It seemed like the right thing to do. Helen turned and looked at Shelby and then paused and looked back at Quinn.

"I'll just … uh.. go get dinner started," she said quietly.

Shelby nodded.

The mother wait until the door was closed to the house before she moved. She climbed out of the passenger seat and into the back seat. Quinn looked at her skeptically.

"I know you're mad."

"You don't." Quinn squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm not mad at you," she muttered. She rethought. "Actually I am."

Shelby looked at her with surprise. "Okay."

"I just want to wake up from this bad dream," she muttered. "But my life is kinda... a bad dream..." She shook her head angrily. "This bad dream is a freakin nightmare!" She waved her arm with a humorless laugh. "I have this stupid cast on my arm for eight more weeks. I can't do Cheerios until God knows when. I just want it all to stop."

Shelby looked at her softly. "You will get past all this Quinn but you can't go hurting yourself - I will work with you and it will all start to get better but we do have some more very rough things to get through first, only this time you won't have to do it alone.

"I can't even shower alone right now. This sucks big time. Please let me just go upstairs and take a shower by myself? I promise I won't do anything to hurt myself...I just want to shower, and lay down. I am done with everything...I don't have the energy right now."

"Well, you can go in and go up and shower but then you are coming down to eat dinner. However, you did earn an early bedtime so I am glad that we can agree on something tonight." She looked over at Quinn hoping for a smile, but got nothing in return. "Listen-"

"People say crap like 'things happen for a reason'," Quinn said quietly. She shook her head tearfully. "I never believed that, ever." She bit her lip and traced her red cast. "I lived four streets over from here. My whole life..." She scoffed. "I hated your daughter for years and now..." She continued to trace the red cast. "Now she's my sister." She shook her head. "I still think that it's crap that everything happens for a reason." she gave the tiniest shrug. "I don't understand why you say the things you say and do the things you do when it comes to me." She bit her lip. "But I..." She met Shelby's eyes. "Some things happen for a reason." She felt her eyes dampen with tears. "I don't know how to thank you-"

"And you don't ever have to," Shelby interrupted wrapping her arm around her.

Quinn leaned into her. "I'll spend the rest of my life trying though." She gave a slight smile realizing that she was echoing Shelby's words.

"Okay," Shelby said. "Okay." She cupped the girls face gently after a few moments. "I'll be with you every step of the way, Quinn. I promise. You and I need to come up with some kind of system. I want to give you your space, but-"

"No, I know," she mutteered.

"We'll come up with something."

Quinn felt the intimacy of the moment getting too much. "Can I go shower?"

Shelby nodded. "Sure."

About twenty minutes later Santana was standing at the bathroom door holding a cast bag.

"I know we're family now, but you're not going to see me naked," Quinn hissed.

"Don't flatter yourself," Santana said with a sigh. "Give me your arm."

"Why?" Quinn asked with frustration.

Santana pushed her way into the bathroom. "Get over yourself. I broke my arm twice, stupid. My mom wraps it differently than I do. Do it twice, like this." She took her arm and wrapped it. "There," she said after a few moments. "Shower away, princess."

Quinn frowned as she watched Santana leave the room. She expected her to be her babysitter. She stripped and hopped quickly into the shower just in case she changed her mind. She eased into the shower and let herself relax. With her eyes still closed she reached for the bottle of shampoo. Nothing.

"Santana!" she yelled.

"Right, here, dork," she hissed from the other side of the curtain. "Stick your arm out. I'll give you some."

Quinn stuck her uncasted hand out. Santana put shampoo in her hand. She peeked her head out and saw that Santana had changed into sweats.

"Thanks," she muttered.

"Whatever," Santana shrugged. "Hurry up. Just because you're my sister doesn't mean I want to see your lady parts. I'm just a babysitter."

Quinn scoffed. "Whatever. Who says I'm not yours?" she asked as she washed her hair and attempted to wash her day away.

Santana laughed. "Have you met yourself?"

…...

The family sat quietly around the table. It wasn't a surprise that Helen wasn't a good cook. However, what she made must have been the best, but most simple meal she had attempted to prepare. Pancakes. Pancakes and sausage and eggs and bacon. It was comfort food. She stared at the family hoping it would bring solace. However, she was doubtful in the silence.

She looked at her daughter. "I didn't make the girls shakes."

Shelby watched the kids. Noah and Santana looked exhausted. She knew they would be because she asked them to move bedroom furniture and then living room furniture. However, the exhaustion seeps deeper than that. Rachel was picking at her food. Quinn was doing the same. The moment felt exhausting. She frowned. Sometimes family meals were just exhausting and in a way they were always a fight.

_Shelby walked briskly into the McDonald's. God, she hated McDonald's but Leroy insisted on meeting there to exchange the kids. She cooked better than McDonald's it was just bad. Hiram's only parenting skill seemed to be bribing the children for good behavior with crap food. _

"_Hi," she said walking up to the men. Leroy was following Rachel around the dining area. The fourteen month old saw her mother and went teetering faster toward her. "Hi, my big girl!" she smiled scooping her up. _

_Shelby leaned forward with Rachel in her arms and kissed Leroy softly on the cheek. "Hey, cowboy," she smiled. "Thank you for encouraging our children to eat crap." _

_Leroy gave her an unamused smirk. "Don't do that. Okay? Hiram had a thing. This place was closer. San and Noah are having a ball in the play place." _

"_I'm going to have to bathe them in bleach, Leroy," she said with disgust. "That place is gross." Rachel pulled on Shelby's ears. "Baby, don't do that to Mommy." _

_Leroy gave Shelby a diaper bag and pointed to two duffles. "Hiram's grabbing the kids." _

"_Mom!" Santana said as she came bounding into the room. _

"_Hey!" Shelby said smiling. "How's my Sanny?" _

"_Good!" she smiled. Shelby knelt down with Rachel in her arms and hugged her daughter. "Hey, buddy," she smiled at Noah who lingered slightly behind Shelby. "Can I have a hug?" _

"_Mom," he blushed. "I'm too big for hugs." _

"_Oh, I'm sorry," she laughed standing up. "Please put your shoes on, guys," she said shooting a glare at Hiram who looked back smugly at her. "You shouldn't be walking around without shoes. Come on we're going to go home and take bathes and -" _

"_But what about dinner?" Santana asked. _

_Shelby glared at the men. And through a forced smile asked, "Did you take her to the most child-trapping heart disease ridden restaurant without feeding them?" She shook her head. "Just to make me look good?" _

"_Yup," Hiram answered. _

_Leroy smacked him in the chest. "Bye, guys," he smiled. He leaned down and hugged and kissed each of them. "See you later, okay?" _

"_Bye, Daddy!" Santana said with a big smile. She frowned. "Bye, Hiram," she groaned. _

_After debates and Clorox wiping a high chair and a drink spill and ketchup on her pants, they were finally at a table. Three kids meals. She ripped up Rachel's nuggets. Rachel frowned and looked at them. Shelby took a bite of her salad. . _

"_Eat up, baby bug," she smiled trying to get out of the room. Shelby offered Rachel a piece of nugget. "Here, honey. just one bite please." _

_Rachel shook her head. Shelby took a sip of her coffee. It was going to be a long night. She looked over and saw Noah had finished his kids meal and Santana was almost done. She reached over and began digging through the her purse. She had some applesauce in here somewhere. She dug and dug. She sighed in defeat. She couldn't find it. She looked over at Rachel sympathetically but then frowned. most of her nugget pieces were gone. _

_Shelby looked over at Noah and Santana with a frown. _

"_Just because she eats slower than the two of you doesn't mean her food is up for grabs," she said carefully. _

"_She won't eat it, Mom," Noah said with a mouth full of Rachel's food eating more of her fries. _

"_Yeah," Santana replied. "She'll only eat this." _

_And again, Santana moved too fast for Shelby and the six year old pulled a prepared bottle from her pink duffle. Rachel smiled and reached for the bottle. Santana gave it to the baby and immediately Rachel began to drink. Shelby let out a grown. There was her culprit. They had been trying to ween Rachel off of the bottle for a while. Shelby just assumed it was the divorce and the transition. Shelby grabbed Rachel's diaper bag and there were a series of unopened toddler food in the bag. No bottle. _

_She frowned. "Sanny, let me see your duffle." Santana grabbed another one of Rachel's chicken nuggets. "Hey, hey! No more." _

_The six year old gave her mother her duffle. there were four bottles and a container of baby formula in the bag. _

"_Honey, did Daddy help you pack?" _

_She shook her head. "No," she said proudly. "I did it all by myself. I tell Hiram how to mix the bottle. I know how to do it, Mumma. Four scoops and then fill to the number eight with water. I watched you." _

_Shelby rubbed her temples. "Santana, we have not fed Rachel a bottle in almost a month. Where did you get this?" She was trying her best not to be upset, but getting Rachel to eat food had been a fight. She would sit in her high chair long after the other two were finished. They had brought her to the pediatrician and they told her that Rachel wasn't losing weight so she was okay. Now, shelby knew way. "How often do you give her a bottle?" _

"_Twice a day," Santana said proudly. "Sometimes three if she asks." _

_Shelby groaned into her hand. "She is big enough, Santana, for solid food. We've been trying to feed her big kid food. She should not be on the bottle anymore. Daddy and I have been worried about her not eating and you've been feeding her." _

"_I take care of her." Santana looked at her mother. "Hiram yells at her when she doesn't eat her food so he started letting me give her a bottle. She doesn't like the food that Daddy and Hiram make her." _

"_What about when you're at my house? Do you give her a bottle there?" _

_Santana nodded. "Yeah," she said. "Are you mad? I was just trying to give it to her before we ate so you didn't have to." Sanana bit her finger nervously. "Are you mad? I thought you said that this was what babies eat." _

"_It is, honey," Shelby said as Rachel finished the bottle, but continued to suck the last drop of the bottle. "Months ago. Rachel is going to be two very soon. Okay? And by then she should be able to feed herself. Will you help me get her to be a big girl like you?" _

_Rachel held out the bottle to Santana. "Baba!" She laughed. _

_Santana looked at her mother and brother and then back at Rachel. she reached over and took one of the chicken nuggets that Noah stole and put it on Rachel's highchair tray and began to rip it up. "Eat this." She put a small piece in her mouth. "Like this, Rachel." _

Shelby was pulled out of the memory.

"Can I be excused?"

She looked up and Rachel was looking at her tiredly.

"I don't want anymore," she said quietly. She sighed. It had always been a fight but they figured out how to move on.

Shelby gave a smile smile. "No, Rachel, you need to eat more." She sighed and looked at Quinn's plate. "You too, Quinn."

Santana reached over and grabbed a piece of fruit from Rachel's plate.

Shelby chuckled. "San, just because she eats slower than you doesn't mean that her food is up for grabs."

Santana looked at her and chuckled. "Hey, Rach," she said with a lazy smile. "Did you know you used to eat chicken nuggets?" Rachel looked at her in disgust. "From McDonalds?"

Quinn glared at Santana. "Don't start, Santana," the blonde muttered as she reached across the table and stole a piece of bacon from Santana's plate.

"Quinn, just because Santana eats he slaughtered pig slower than you doesn't mean that it's up for grabs," Rachel said with a tiny smirk.

…...

_**Please let me know what you think. More to come next chapter. don't worry. I will do my best to stay on schedule but my childhood best friend is visiting for ten days. starting Sunday. But don't worry, the next few will be a doozy. Many of your questions about the future of the characters will be answered. :) **_


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

Anon - Thank you.

Anon - Here is the next chapter. Thank you for your patience.

Renata – No problem Ms. Brazil. I know people get busy. I am glad you enjoyed the chapters. Rachel is not going to be having any friends over anytime soon. She is too fragile right now but she will have friends its just a matter of gaining confidence and moving past all this but that is going to take some time. You will see they can prove who is the father of Quinn's baby. Thank you so much for reviewing. I love seeing them.

Comfortless soul – the Hiram punishments while the beatings lasted maybe 10-15 minutes or a little longer they were held captive so their punishments were actually never ending during the time that they spent with him. They were held away from their mother and rest of the loving family members. For Quinn, it would depend on who was doing the punishments, what time of day the punishment started and who was administrating the punishments. There is no time frame for these because they are flashbacks to her and things that seem to last all day may have only been hours but when you are the receiver of these punishments it feels like forever. None of Quinn's punishments were lenient in any way though and neither were the Corcorans with Hiram. I hope this answered your questions. Thanks for the review.

And co - Quinn was made to do "favors" for Russell in hopes of getting beat less and sometimes she did and sometimes the beatings continued. She originally thought that pleasing him would prevent the beating but typically it did not. She would have had to suffer through both. Thanks for the review.

Fangirl44 – Thank you so much for the review. A lot happens in this chapter and I am afraid no pre-abuse flashbacks but there will be more of those coming.

Treasury – Quinn had some defensive wounds on her however, she learned from a very early age to accept her punishments and that it would be worse if she blocked him from spanking her or beating her with the belt. Scratches on the eye to Russell was simply a one off – Quinn did not usually fight her father when he came looking for her. It would have always made things worse. The holidays in the story are coming up and what they did will be addressed in some ways, however because of the things that are going on it will be hard to celebrate them like they have done but it will be addressed. Neither Quinn nor Rachel will act normal during the trials. And the rest of the family will all struggle when the girls regress but they have a terrific support system so they should not regress too much further. I love long review so don't apologize – keep them coming – Thank you.

Drea LuRuiz – I am glad you enjoyed it. Thank you.

Iuterpi – That's right here comes Holly. Thanks for the review.

Anon – Noah is a wonderful brother. I am glad you enjoy it. Thank you for the review.

SuzQQ Santana is definitely a take charge kind of gal and always has been. Nana really doesn't have favorites but noah feels a little lost right now. Shelby is doing a great job but you will see in this chapter she needs a little more help. And don't worry she gets it. Thanks for being patient with me I had an awesome time with my friend but now it is back to the story. Thank you.

thelastcenturian – WOW The whole thing in a couple of days that is a lot of reading. Thank you so much ! Sorry but I think Mr. Schue is a creep and I didn't mean to ruin him for you in the other fics its just my hate for him spilled over. He certainly does not get any better in this chapter – Thanks again!

Anon – Yes I went to the zoo and yes it is in America. Thanks for reviewing.

Sanni - Thank you for the review – San and Quinn are getting more and more like sisters everyday and there will be more of it coming in future chapters.

Cookie07 – I am really glad that you liked this chapter. They do start physically feeling better a lot sooner than emotionally. But they will get better. San misses her daddy a lot and that will come out more. Poor Rachel didn't even know him so that is super hard for her. But they will work on it in counseling for all of them. Thank you for the review.

lovecanbesostrange – Santana was always mothering from the beginning and I was happy that I could put in that flashback. We just have to keep it a nice balance. Quinn is being treated just like Shelby would treat the other 3 and if they had cut off a cast Shelby would have yelled their full name too. Quinn will definitely need to work hard to remember that her punishments will never be the same again. Santana does miss her daddy and she hasn't been able to work through that like she should but it will come out in therapy. Thanks for the review.

Lexie-Rae – Quinn was helping Rachel but her head is going through so much and unfortunately Shelby has to stick really close to Quinn to make sure she doesn't injure herself or feel any more lost than she already does. Frannie was not punished as hard as Quinn was maybe a small spanking here and there but nothing compared to what Quinn as gone through. The mini Corcorans are special to me and I love to add the flashbacks to the story. It definitely shows their personalities from the beginning. I am glad you are enjoying the story.

amandaes417 – Shelby saw what happened when she yelled at Quinn but it was needed. But they will both learn and Shelby wont be scared to punish Quinn the same way she punishes her other 3 kids. The Corcorans will have more moments like that but we still need to get through the rougher parts. Thanks for enjoying the story and I hope you like this chapter as well.

Victoria – Wow 2 weeks reading the story. Thank you so much. I am sorry you lost sleep over it but I am glad that you are so invested in it. Thank you for the kind words regarding my writing. I try my best to give each and every character an indepth storyline so that you can actually picture the characters while reading. I think it is important. Shelby and Quinn will have many more moments and they have truly become mother and daughter. There will be laughter, tears, anger, happiness, disappointment, sympathy but most of all LOVE. Thank you again.

Kimberlli – I am glad you enjoyed this chapter. Noah's trip should be interesting. Thanks for the review.

Piper – You are not alone. I hate Frannie too. Frannie hasn't shown any guilt and she apparently did nothing to stop Quinn from ever getting a beaten. But I am sure she has felt Russell's belt at least once. Frannie will make an appearance or two soon but she has a restraining order. Thanks for the review and keep the questions coming.

Scout – The trials are going to be tough on Quinn. But as Shelby said she is not going to do it alone. She has her new family behind her and they love and support her. Thank you for the review.

SadPanda13 - Thank you for saying that! Shelby had to treat Quinn like that – Quinn is one of her children now and if Santana had done it it is exactly how Shelby would have treated Santana. No different. And she recognized immediately that Quinn zoned out and she addressed it. If she had let Quinn get away with it it would have showed Quinn that she is treated differently. Poor San she did give up the roof but hopefully Shelby was too distracted to remember the roof. Doubtful. I enjoy your stories as well. Thank you for the review.

look4me – Shelby had to punish Quinn in the situation because she needs to stop her behavior now. She knows Quinn is hurting really bad and will continue to act out but Shelby can't ignore it even though Quinn is hurting. She has to address it and move past it. Quinn has some really hard things coming up that she has to deal with and if Shelby doesn't keep a close eye on her Quinn could slip. Shelby was gentle and motherly and Quinn realizes that she wont be hit by Shelby ever and will still be loved so it was a giant step in their relationship. Quinn and Santana have developed into true sisters and while everything is still so hard for all of them they can have the lighter moments where sisters will tease each other. Sorry for the delay in getting the chapter out – just had to work some things out for the upcoming chapters. Thanks for your review.

marinka4 – I am glad you like the happier moments. I always get nervous posting the lighter sides of this story. Holly should bring some fun to their school work that has been ignored lately. And she will be tutoring all 5 of them so it should make for some interesting lessons. Oh I wish poor Leroy was in the witness protection program but unfortunately he is deceased. Rachel will get better I promise. Thanks for the review.

TommyH – I am glad you do too. Thanks

Jamison08 – I am glad you liked it and I am working on the next chapter right now. Thanks for reviewing.

NinjaGleek21 – Trust me I will need them soon if not this chapter then definitely the next. So please stay close. I hate Frannie too. Thanks for the cookie again. And as always thanks for the review in general.

cbell123 – As soon as I can I will get the next one out. Thanks for the review.

A C one – Yes Shelby did freak out and it will be awhile before she lets either Rachel or Quinn out of her direct sight. Noah is going to try his best to get on this road trip without telling Shelby much but Shelby is not going to be happy about it when she finds out for a number of reasons. Holly will be bringing laughs that's for sure. Thanks for the review.

Lolathe17th – Please you were not rambling and I love to get reviews. So please keep them coming. My parents were not fan of McDonalds either and I have a friend that still won't let her son anywhere near that dreadful play place at any McDonalds. They are just gross. But it shows Hiram was not very good with children right from the beginning. I don't think Quinn, Santana or Noah have it in them to make it easy for any teacher. They are sure to give her a hard time but Holly will be able to handle them. Thanks for the review.

broadwaybound2016 – Santana was always a great big sister. She will continue to be as well. Thanks for the review and I am working on the next chapter right now.

sillystarshine – I am glad you liked it – Thanks

**Thank you everyone for your support. This chapter begins and wraps up or at least presents the future of the story.**

**I'm sorry it took so long, but as you through this a lot happens. please read at your own risk. So much happens. So much growth and so many surprises... and as usual, it was supposed to be longer... **

Shelby picked the blanket off of the floor and folded it on the back of the couch.

"Is everyone asleep?"

She looked over her shoulder and spotted her mother leaning against the door frame. She continued to fold the blanket.

"Yeah," she muttered. "They've been in bed for awhile. Rachel and Quinn took awhile to get down. After I finished getting Rachel ready for bed-"

"How'd that go?" Michael interrupted as he perched on the arm of the couch.

Shelby shook her head slightly. "She cried again," Shelby said as she focused on folding the blanket perfectly. "She and Quinn are moving around fine, but I can see that their bodies are still aching. Helping Rachel clean up for tonight and putting the cream on her..." She trailed off. "She's still raw. Things are healing, but very slowly." The mother scoffed. The moment of sheer panic that she felt when she couldn't find Rachel was paralyzing in its memory "Quinn cut off her cast today." She stared at the blanket in her arms. "She cut it off," she said more quietly. She thought back to the day. She understood why the cast was cut off, but it still wasn't okay. In a way she herself wished she could free herself from what she felt, but knew she couldn't. She laid the blanket down with a heavy sigh. "They'll be okay. We just have to support them."

"Shel, are you okay?" Michael asked cautiously.

The woman looked down at her hands. "What do you think?" she whispered. "I …. I'm trying... and I …." She shook her head. "She cut off her cast... Rachel was missing and I pictured..."

Shelby cut herself off. She shook her head.

"I'm fine," she said putting up her hands. "I'm just... I need to sleep."

"We're going to stay here tonight," Helen said.

Shelby shook her head.

"It's not up for discussion," Helen said. "We'll stay in the other guest room."

"Mom, I don't have one anymore. "

"You have those blow up mattresses-"

"Mom," Shelby said in disgust. "That's not..."

"We're fine," Helen said, cutting her off. "Go to bed please."

"Mother, this is my house," she argued.

"I never said it wasn't," Helen said casually.

"Good night," Michael smiled, urging her to go with his eyes.

Shelby sighed and watched her parents disappear into the kitchen.

"At least take my bed or Rachel's," she called after them. "She's in with Santana anyway."

Michael looked over at her. He gave a slight nod. "Sure." He raised his eyebrow. "Now go to bed."

Shelby watched her father head into the kitchen. "Please don't stay here because you think that I can't handle this."

Michael turned and walked back toward his youngest daughter. He rubbed his hands on both of her arms. "You're handling it well, Shelby, but you need to take your own advice and lean on people. Do you want to talk about it?"

"You're right," Shelby said backing away. "I'm tired."

He tilted his head and sighed at her in disappointment. "Shelby," he said with a heavy sigh. "Talk to me."

She shook her head. "I'm … I'm good." She looked at her father with a heavy sigh. "I just need to sleep."

He frowned. "Alright."

Shelby nodded and headed up the stairs. "Okay," he muttered.

She nodded and headed up the stairs. She peeked into Noah's room. He was sprawled on his bed snoring in a way that sounded like a broken carburetor. She smiled and turned off his light next to his bed, kissing him gently on forehead. He stirred and smiled as he opened his eyes.

"Hey," he smiled lazily.

"Go back to sleep, sweetheart," she whispered.

"You okay, Ma?" he asked as he closed his eyes.

"I'm fine, buddy," she kissed him again. "I love you."

She closed his door quietly and walked down the hallway. She peeked into Santana's room. Rachel was wearing pajamas that Shelby was sure she bought for Rachel at least four years ago. It was a matching pants and shirt set. They had Disney princess on the top and then their matching shoes scattered on the pants. Shelby squeezed her eyes shut. A few months ago, Rachel was going to donate the pajamas set but decided to keep it for "prosperity." Two steps back, she thought as she pulled the comforter up over the girls. She leaned over and kissed Santana goodnight. She gave a small smile. Santana was curled around Rachel clad in Leroy's NYU sweatshirt. She kissed them both and made her way through the bathroom to Quinn's room, making sure to leave the restroom light on for the girls.

She breathed a small sigh of relief when she saw the blonde was still in bed. She knew that it was primarily the drugs she could thank, but she was still grateful. She kissed her softly on the forehead as she moved a stray piece of hair out of her face and tucked the lamb closer to the girl, making sure to avoid the casted arm. She sighed and made her way down the hallway.

She collapsed her in bed after brushing her teeth and combing her hair. She released a heavy breath and let herself sink into the bed. She needed to sleep. She closed her eyes. She just needed to sleep. She needed to not think about the what ifs. She needed to move on from the day. Her eyes opened. Did she lock the doors downstairs? She set the alarm right? Did she set out water and the girls' pills for when they wake her up around 5am in pain? Yes, she told herself. She did. She was prepared. Should she triple check? Did her parents turn the heat down?

She shook her head. Just sleep.

_The blinking red and blue lights brought her vision into focus. Shelby approached the house. It wasn't hers. While she felt a chill run through her heart, she knew she had to go in. Everything was lit like an old Noir movie. It was foggy and strange. She looked around. The street was empty. When she looked back at the house, there was a scattered crowd outside the house now. It was a blur of people she recognized mixed with people she didn't. She frowned feeling an ache in her heart as if she was searching for something and this was where it was._

_She made her way through the crowd that seemed to part for her._

"_I'm so sorry," her brother-in-law said to her gently. Where did he come from?_

_She was standing in front of this house. It hit her. Rachel was in there. She made her way slowly into the house. Suddenly everyone around her seemed to disappear. She frowned. She looked around. She felt a panic in her chest. Something dawned on her. Rachel was missing. He had taken her. That was her reality in this place.. She looked around again. Policemen now stood near her._

"_Ma'am."_

_She looked up and Pam and the Captain were looking at her. They led her into the house. Officers were collecting samples. and dusting. It was foggy. It wasn't real. They led her down the hallway and then stopped at the top of the basement stairs. She squeezed her eyes shut, knowing what was down there wasn't helping. She seemed to float down stairs. The dim light added to the fogginess. The basement was just like she pictured when she thought Rachel was missing before. The basement was sparse._

_She looked up and around the room. She was alone again, the cops were gone. Her stomach was on the floor already. However, the once empty room was no longer empty. She breathed heavily as her panic and horror escalated. Santana laid next to her with four bullets in her chest. She instantly fell to her knees and crawled over to her._

"_No," she screamed shaking the cold body._

_She pulled Santana's bloody body into her arms. "Taz, wake up. You're okay. I'm right here," she said hurriedly. "Come on, kiddo. Wake up. Open your eyes, sweetie."_

_She sobbed and squeezed her eyes shut, sobbing as she rocked Santana. She opened her eyes. Somehow through her tear clouded vision she spotted Noah against the far wall with a knife in his back. She laid Santana down gently. "I'll be right back, sweetie," she said softly to her daughter, kissing her lightly on her forehead. It was cold. She pushed through as she ran to him._

"_Buddy?" He was face down. She leaned down and touched him lightly. Maybe he was breathing. Maybe he was alive. Cold. He was cold. "Nononononononono."_

_She let out another scream. "Noah! Please, honey. Come on! I need you."_

_She was afraid to move him. Should she take the knife out? She hissed, it was her own kitchen knife. What was going on? She breathed heavily. Quinn. Where was Quinn? She looked up and around the room. Where was Quinn?_

"_Hello."_

_She looked up._

_Russell Fabray stood there holding Quinn in front of him. She was trembling in his arms. Tears streaked her face. "Mom," she whispered. She was wearing a ripped nightgown and blood was trickling down her leg. He smiled and pulled a gun out and nested it under the girl's neck._

_Quinn shook her head. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "I can't. I just...I can't." She shook her body even more. "You told me he was in jail. You told me he was …. gone...That I was safe." She sobbed as the gun dug deeper under her chin._

"_Watch me, Q-bear," Shelby said standing slowly. "Just me and you. You're okay."_

_Quinn let out another sob. Shelby looked at her with forced bravery. They needed to get through this._

_A shot rang through the room. Shelby's heart stopped._

_Quinn fell through the ground. She ran toward her._

"_No! No!" She blinked and shot up toward her, hoping she could catch her. _

_They were all gone. All three of them. She felt the panic in her chest. She looked around. Santana was gone. Noah was gone. She just needed to hold them. Where were they? "No!" she sobbed. "Fuck you, you bastards!" she screamed. She ran around the echoing empty basement. "Come out and face me, damn it!"_

_She breathed heavily and let out a scream of frustration. This couldn't be happening. She looked around. Nothing. No one. Nothing! She paced around but suddenly stopped when she stepped on something. She looked down. George. She picked up the stuffed animal. It was dirty and mangled._

_She spotted a light flickering around the corner. This looked familiar. She held the stuffed animal closer to her as she walked around the corner. The echoing of her footsteps around her sent chills deeper. She was alone and she shouldn't be here but she kept walking. She couldn't stop. She stepped on something again. She looked down. It was a pile of clothes. She leaned down to look at them. Pajamas? There was a pattern on it. Princess shoes._

_Her eyes bulged and she quickened her pace regardless of the echoing in her ears of her own footsteps. No. No. No. No._

_She froze when she rounded the corner and unconsciously dropped the stuffed animal._

_In the corner of the room was a naked twin mattress. There in the middle of the sheetless, soiled mattress was her baby girl. Her entire body was exposed, littered with bruises and blood. Shelby could see the fluid between her legs. She sprinted over to her._

"_Rachel? Rachel?" she scolded frantically. She reached her body and gently pulled her into her arms._

_Her breath quickened. She was cold. Her tiny nude body barely looked like Rachel. She was cold. Shelby shook her head. She was going to be okay. She cradled her to her body._

"_Baby, wake up. nononononono," she began to sob. "Wake up, Rachel." She frowned and shook her slightly. "Do you hear me?" She patted her bruised cheek gently. "Rachel, baby bug. RACHEL!"_

_She wasn't moving. Shelby put her hand on the tiny girl's bare chest. There were hand print bruises on her body where he held her. Her eyes were swollen shut. She felt her chest. Where was the heart beat? She was so cold. Nothing._

_She rocked her close to her chest. "No, Rach," she yelled. "You need to wake up. You need to wake up for Mommy. I need you to fight. I need you to stay here with me."_

_Nothing. Just frozen fear and a cold body of her baby girl. _

_Shelby released a sob of anguish. "Stay with me!" she screamed._

_She looked down at Rachel's barren body. There were rope burn marks on her ankles and wrists. There were welts painting her body. she felt something stick to her chest and shirt. she followed the blood. Rachel's head was bleeding. He kicked her in the head. She tried to stop the blood with her shaking hands._

"_Wake up, bug," she ordered. "Wake up."_

_She continued to rock softly. "Rachel!" she sobbed repeatedly. "Please," she muttered. "Please wake up."_

Shelby shot up in bed with a sob. "NO!"

"Shelby? Shelby," Helen ran into the room. "You're okay. You're okay." Helen wrapped her into a hug. Shelby took a deep breath and sunk into her mother. "What happened?" Helen asked after a few minutes once Shelby calmed.

"She was dead. H-h-h-he killed her... Her body was so broken ... He... He brutalized her." the mother sobbed. "She was ...it was so real. I held her... She was lying on a mattress, naked in the basement..." She looked at her mother with defeat. "she was dead." She shook her head. "He shot them. They were all dead. Russell shot Quinn. He just... He …. he shot them... He stabbed Noah... and Rachel..." She trailed off wiping her tears. "And Sanny... she was just... she just didn't move...There were holes in her chest..."

She threw the blankets back and sprinted toward her bathroom, emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

"I can't," she sobbed in the bathroom. She shook her head and stood swiftly.

She walked briskly past her mother and into the Noah's room. She kissed him lightly and ran his hand over his back simply to double check that there was no knife. She retucked him in and walked back out into the hallway. Her mother stood at the doorway watching her. She pushed past her quickly, ignoring her. She went down the hallway to Quinn's room hoping that she was still in bed. What time is it? she thought to herself. She walked into Quinn's room quietly, allowing the light from the bathroom and the hallway lead her to the bed. Quinn was on the floor.

She sighed and shook her lightly. "Sweetheart," she asked quietly. "Wake up. Let's get you back in bed." She looked at her mother still in lingering, waiting for her to break. "Can you grab the water and the pills on near the sink? Quinn's are labeled." Helen nodded and went to the restroom. She returned and handed the pills to her daughter.

"Quinn?" she helped the groggy girl up to a sitting position.

The blonde frowned and looked at her with a frown. "I'm fine," she mumbled.

"I know," Shelby whispered kissing her softly on the forehead and handing her the pills. She watched her take them with a weak smile. "DO you want me to wait until you fall asleep?"

The girl shook her head. "I'm fine," she mumbled.

Shelby looked at Quinn carefully. "I don't mind staying," she said quietly.

The girl shook her head again. "I'm fine."

Shelby looked at her carefully. "Please start in the bed. Your body needs the support of the mattress." Quinn hesitated. Shelby looked at her tenderly. Tears pooled in her eyes at the memory of the girl being shot. "please, q-bear?"

The tired girl raised her eyebrow in surprise and uncertainty. She saw something different in the mother's eyes: fear and sorrow.

"Okay," she nodded slowly. "Okay."

Shelby kissed her softly and walked through the restroom into Santana's room.

Rachel had kicked the blankets and turned into Santana's chest. She was clenching the older girl's sweatshirt.

"Nomoreplease,"she mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"I've got you, bug,"she whispered in a hushing tone. "Mommy's right here."

Her eyes couldn't erase the image of her youngest daughter's naked, abused and beaten form so she held Rachel tightly in her arms. She was distracted enough that she didn't notice Santana sit up groggily and follow her, mumbling questions about what was wrong with Rachel. Shelby settled in her bedroom and laid down in her bed. She rubbed Rachel's back softly. She noticed her mother standing at the door. She felt another body settle on her and she smelt the smell of her late ex-husband's cologne. She turned away from the stared of her mother. She hushed Santana back to sleep softly as she combed her hair back with one hand and continued to balance Rachel on top of her. Rachel squeezed the front of her shirt as she laid on Shelby's chest.

"You're safe," the mother muttered. "You're with mommy."

She shifted so that one arm was wrapped around Santana's shoulders while the other continued the support Rachel's dead weight. Shelby held Rachel close and felt her own eyes flutter shut. She needed to hold them close and remind herself that what she saw wasn't true, even though the terror of those moments made her ache in mourning. It wasn't real, she whispered to her worried mind.

The sun seeped through her closed eyelids. She groaned internally. She just closed them. She literally just closed her eyes. Right? Shelby's eyes flickered open. Rachel was lying silently on her chest. Shelby combed her hand through her hair. Stupid princess pajamas. Santana was still next to her. Her mouth was open and was amplifying her breath.

She smiled slightly as she sat up and spotted Quinn sleeping in the corner. She gave a tiny sigh. She wasn't asleep because she was comfortabel on the floor it was because she was too exhausted to fight it. Shelby carefully untangled herself from the girls and approached Quinn. She lifted her gracefully to standing and laid her in the bed and Rachel instinctively wrapped her arms around her. Shelby paused as she watched them.

Bullets. She looked at Rachel's pajamas. Princess shoes. The knife. She sucked back her tears and ran to her room shutting the door quickly and then shut the bathroom door. She needed to mask the sound of her losing it. They couldn't see her losing it.

She threw up in the toilet. After a few deep breaths she leaned against the wall heavily.

She squeezed her eyes shut. They weren't dead. They were okay. They were okay, she said more forcefully to herself.

"Shel?"

She looked up and her mother stood there looking down at her. "Go away," Shelby whispered, turning away.

"Shelby," she said again sitting down next to her. "You're going to talk to me and you're going to do it right now."

"Mother," she groaned. "My face doesn't say that I want to discuss this," she began.

"But the smell in this bathroom says otherwise," she replied sharply.

"Mom!" Shelby exclaimed.

"Shelby, you're not fine," Helen pushed. "So don't you dare tell me that you're fine." She looked at Shelby closely as she leaned her shoulder against her daughter. "You're not fine."

"They were dead, Mom," she whispered. "They were in my arms... Their bodies were cold. I held her." Shelby pulled her arms against her chest. "I held Rachel... she was naked and beaten and …. Her pajamas were on the floor... I hate those damn pajamas."

Helen reached over and pulled her into a hug. She cupped her face and wiped her tears and Shelby didn't even feel fall. The elder woman gave a soft smile. "They're really too young for her."

Shelby gave a tearful laugh. "She likes them."

Helen scoffed. "Well, she also likes bear cubs. I don't see them anywhere. Thank you for not spoiling her with wild animals."

She scoffed quietly. She looked at her hands. "It felt so real," she whispered. She shook her head. "I lost them," she whispered. "I know they're here. I know they're alive. I know what's happening right now is my panic. I know what's happening is me being scared. I'm turning my fear into a reality that's not real. I just need to wrap my head around this." She nodded as if she was allowing her weak reassurance to be true. "I just need to wrap my head around all this. Russell won't get out. Will Schuester won't ever..." she trailed off. She shook her head. "They're safe. We will keep them safe." She bite her lip and wiped her tears. "It just felt too real" She looked at her mother. "That can never be real."

Helen squeezed her hand. "We will keep them safe and that won't be real." She sighed, "But you need to take care of you." Shelby looked at her. "You don't have to talk to me or your father or your sister even, but you need to talk to someone. Okay? I know you. I've raised you. You hold it in too much until you explode." Shelby looked at her sharply. "Not all the time, but some of the time." She looked at her softly. "You know as well as I do that it doesn't work all the time."

"I just need to get back on my feet. I'll talk to someone but right now I need to focus on what's happening and at least get Quinn sleeping in a bed and -"

"Well, that's an easy fix," Helen said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Shelby shook her head. "What?"

"In Florida," Helen began. "She slept fine."

"Because she slept with the girls," Shelby said quickly. "She wasn't alone."

Helen laughed. "No," she said at the ridiculousness. "Because her bed was off of the ground."

"What?" Shelby looked at her in surprise.

The older woman looked back at her. Her smile faded when she realized it was news to her daughter. "I mean... He came into her bed at night..." she said slowly. "With it off the ground," she continued. "Her body relaxed." I mean look she barely slept when you slept with her here, but she fell asleep through the night even."

Shelby thought for a moment. "Really? You think that?"

Helen nodded with darting eyes as if it were obvious. "I know it."

She thought for a moment. "Sure," she nodded after a few moments. "We'll go and get one for her later."

"You have to worry about that tutor with the same last name as her first name, your meeting with the ADA and -"

Shelby waved her arm. "I'll find time."

"We'll handle it," Helen said leaning against the wall. "You need to handle the kids and the tutor with the same last name as her first name-"

"She doesn't have-" Shelby interrupted.

"She does," her mother forced again. "I'll take care of it. You need to take care of you and that 'friend' you see."

Shelby frowned. "Patrick? Mother, he's my therapist. There's nothing romantic going on."

"Whatever, you need to meet with him and I really think it should be today because clearly-"

The bathroom door opened.

Shelby looked up. Princess shoes. Her stomach twisted. She gave a weak smile. "Hi, bug."

"Hi, Mumma," Rachel said quietly. "I … I didn't know you were in here... I just... " She looked at her hands. "I thought you were downstairs." She continued to avoid the women. "I need... I need to go to the bathroom and I want to be alone."

"Rachel," Helen began warily.

Shelby stood. "No, it's alright. Sure thing, Rach. We'll be right outside." She remained as casual as possible. Rachel avoided her eyes. Her hand rested on the door knob as her eyes darted around the bathroom, avoiding her mother and grandmother's gaze. Shelby closed the door behind her.

"We will figure it out," Shelby said. "I would appreciate if you set up Quinn's bed for her." They heard a small sob on the other side of the door.

Helen looked at the bathroom door. "You should go in there."

"I'm going to give her another second." She saw her mother's hesitation. "Rachel needs to know that I am here for her without me coming running at every cry. I want to hold them and protect them, but I'm trying to balance that with not coddling."

Helen gave a silent nod.

"Mumma?" a tiny whisper echoed from the other side of the door.

Shelby watched her mother carefully. "I'll figure this out." She turned back to the bathroom door with a gentle knock. "Bug? Can I come in?"

"Y-y-yes," Rachel called.

Helen sighed and watched her daughter disappear into the bathroom.

….

Approximately an hour later, the kids were all dressed and gathered in the kitchen.

Shelby placed the milk in front of the older kids and handed Rachel and Quinn smoothies along with a bowl of cereal.

"We don't need a tutor," Noah declared.

Shelby scoffed. "Really? You're going to teach yourself? She's great. She's set up some great lesson plans for all four of you."

"All of us?" Santana asked looking a Rachel.

Shelby nodded. "Yes." She sighed and took a bite of her own cereal. "Brittany will join you three for tutoring this week before you return for school next week. She's, however, agreed to stay on for the three and assist with college prep.-"

"Assuming we're going," Santana muttered looking at her brother. He shot her a glare.

Quinn frowned and stared at her food. Would she be here in two years? Shelby had talked about it, but it hit her in that moment. Two years. Who would she be to the family? She stirred her shake with her straw. Would she still have to drink these? Would she be in school? Could she afford it? Perhaps she could be a stripper...She watched the straw stir her shake. She was good at being a whore...

The mother went on, interrupting Quinn's thoughts. "Your session with her today will be mostly introductory and -"

"Will I be with her permanently?" Rachel asked quietly. The family looked at her. She met their questioning looks. "I think I would prefer that. I …. I would like to learn here... at home."

"Than at Gable?" Noah asked.

The eleven year old looked at her food. "I don't want to go there," she muttered. "I want to stay here …."

Santana looked back at her mother for guidance.

"We'll see, Rachel," Shelby said casually as she took a bite of her own breakfast. Santana opened her mouth to ask something but then hesitated when her mother shook her head.

"I still don't think we need someone to come in and teach us," Noah pushed. There was a knock on the door.

"You actually do," Shelby insisted as she continued toward the door. She through a look over her shoulder. "I expect you all to be on your best behavior."

The door opened and a woman with tall leather riding boots and an unexpectedly stylish outfit entered the foyer. Her hair was more distinctly blond than Quinn's and she had a little bounce in her step. She flashed a smile that made Noah think of a tooth paste commercial.

Rachel leaned back into Santana, as she stood quietly next to the older girl who was perched on the bar stool and she glanced up at Quinn. "I didn't expect someone like her," she whispered.

"I'm Holly Holiday," she said with a curt smile.

"Your parents named you that?" Santana asked seriously.

"Santana!" Shelby hissed.

"They did indeed," she replied with the same smile. She pulled four folders and handed them to the kids.

"What is this?" Santana asked and she unwrapped her arm from around Rachel to open it. It was a plan. It was a syllabus. There were assignments for each day. "I'm not doing this."

"Santana, you are," Shelby said pushing Rachel and Quinn's food back closer to them.

The sixteen year old brunette opened her mouth. "I'm -"

"Santana, knock it off," Helen scolded.

"So, your mother told me that you write papers," Holly said as the kids looked through the packets. "You're still going to do this for her but you're also going to do other assignments as you can see." Noah frowned deeply as he looked through his folder. "Also, at the bottom you can find a list of punitive

activities."

Rachel looked up sharply. Santana rubbed her back softly. "She won't lay a hand on us, bug. I promise. Read what she has listed."

"What's transposing?" Noah asked with a frown.

"What do you mean by theatrical expose adventures?" Quinn asked with a sneer.

"No, but isn't transposing like buses and planes?" Noah asked.

"That transporting, Noah," Rachel said a sigh. She looked at the blonde teacher. "What are we transposing?"

"I am a big fan of television," the woman began forcing Rachel to frown. "You kids now a days are addicted to television like it's MSG," She pointed her finger forward to get her point across. "But rarely do you listen to what's being said. Therefore you will transpose television-"

"You're kidding me," Santana said with a sigh.

"I don't kid," she smiled. "First we have history. You'll be dressing as someone from a certain period of time - for the older girls. Someone in US history with a report and presentation."

"MOM!" Santana hissed.

Holly went on. "Noah as a senior you're on European history."

"Like China?"

Helen looked at Shelby accusingly. "We'll clearly be doing geography lessons too," Holly smiled. She looked at the youngest. "And Rachel, you're on state history.-"

"I know all of my states and capitals and their general political affiliations as well as the state bird and tree and -" Rachel rambled but was cut off.

Holly nodded. "We might then see what we can do to make sure that you're not bored but you're challenged." Rachel leaned into Santana but nodded. "Next, science. As you can see you will be paired up and have to do a science project -"

"There are five of us," Rachel interrupted.

"You'll probably be paired with me, Rachel since you're at a separate level-"

"Can I request not being with my brother?" Santana asked.

"Ditto," Quinn interrupted. "I had chemistry with him...He lit things on fire."

"Noah!" Helen hissed.

"There was no permanent damage," Shelby muttered.

"Noted," the blonde woman nodded. "English - each has a book to read -"

"With pictures?" Noah asked.

Holly ignored him and continued. "And then write a 4 page report." Rachel smiled. She had that in the bag. "Math - you all will have to finish a math workbook. I believe the three older girls have geometry right now. Noah and Rachel we will do an assessment." She breathed and pulled out a guitar. Did she bring that with her? Noah looked at Santana mouthed "Mary Poppins" to her silently as he pointed to her bag. "You will also all have music and each one of you will have to write a little song - and at the end of the week each will sing or play it-"

"What?" Santana asked dryly. "I'm not doing that. " She glared at her mother. "I'm not doing that."

Shelby arched her brow. "You will have to perform a song together for everyone."

Rachel looked down at her hands. "No," she whispered.

Santana wrapped her arms around her. She glared at Holly. "No one will make you do what you don't want to do, bug," she said gently.

"Rachel, how old are you?" Holly asked pointedly.

"What?" she asked quietly.

"How old are you?"

Santana glared even harder. "Back off Malibu barbie."

"Santana!"

"I'm eleven," she said quietly.

"Do you want us to treat you like you're eleven?" she asked even more directly.

"Mom!" Santana hissed.

Shelby watched Rachel carefully wondering where this was going, but trusting because not only was Holly certified as an educator but also as a music therapist and psychology.

Noah watched Rachel carefully as did Quinn wondering if she was going to cry.

Rachel gave a tiny shrug. "I …. I …. " She shrugged more distinctly.

Holly nodded not changing the gentleness of her eyes that was there and Rachel noticed it. "Okay, then. That's okay Rachel. We don't have to know right now in this moment but your assignment is to consider it." Rachel met her eyes and held her gaze. "There's no such thing as a final answer. People change all the time. And that's okay." Holly shrugged. "When you're ready."

Rachel gave a tiny nod. Shelby gave a small approving smile. "Also, I hear you girls are taking French?"

Quinn nodded seeing that Santana was just glaring. "Yes. Brittany too..."

"Well, I'm going to be teaching you the foundations of Latin, Spanish, and French to better teach you French."

"I've never heard of that," Rachel interjected.

"They're all romance languages," Holly countered. "Why not learn from all three and soak in the differences?"

Rachel considered this and softened.

"Do you know about us?" Santana asked sharply. "Do you know what's going on and why we're here?" She ignored her mother's glare and her grandmother's scold. Her tone went cold. "I'm serious."

Holly didn't break her gaze. "I know why you were suspended. I understand why Rachel left her old school." She looked at Quinn and Rachel and they both looked away from her gaze, feeling too exposed. "I know enough." She didn't budge. "I admire your fire but your sass and your attitude will put you first in line for a presentation. I expect one tomorrow. You don't have to get fancy with the costume. Don't worry. Let's see... Elizabeth Van Lew."

"Who?" Santana asked.

"Going to have to look it up huh?" Holly nodded approvingly. "I think you can pull off the curls."

"What?" Santana asked again.

"I look forward to your costume," Holly smiled.

Noah read the list. "I don't take this many subjects in school. Why do I have to do them here?"

"You need to have a basic foundation in these subjects," Helen said.

"But-"

"Well, European history. Let's see. I expect a report from you Noah on..." Holly tapped her chin. "Remember costumes are important. And props! I love props!" Noah shook his head, as if begging to take back his statement. Holly smiled victoriously. "I know! Jean Le Rond d'Alembert."

Noah deflated. "I cant even say that."

"You will learn by tomorrow, won't you, dear?" Helen asked

Holly sighed and said, "I have already been over to the Pierces house this morning and gave Brittany her assignments. Today is just an introduction to what is going to happen this week." She looked at the older boy who was still trying to figure out how to pronounce his assignment. "Noah, could you help me get from my car your math workbooks, your English books that you will write the reports on, your history books and science packets. I expect all these assignment finished when we begin tomorrow. We will start tomorrow promptly at 8 am." The kids released a grown. "Please get ready, Santana and I need the following started by tomorrow for all of you– 3 pages in the math work books, chapter 1 in science, start reading your English book for your reports due by Friday. And although Santana is presenting first the rest of you have to make sure that you have started on your presentations. Finally, don't get any idea thinking that 'I only have a week with her' and' why should I do it' because I have discussed this with your mother and I will be continuing on for a while so these are due no matter if you are in school or out of school."

The kids didn't say a word. No one moved, there was nothing. Helen looked between the kids and then back at Shelby.

"Wonderful!" the grandmother smiled. "We have a lot to do."

Rachel raised her hand. Holly pointed at her.

"If we finish these assignments before the time they're due can we go ahead?"

The entire family stared at Rachel with a frown.

Rachel shrugged. "The assignments sounds fairly achievable."

"Don't go ahead, Rachel. But have your mother assess how long it takes you. I might put you on a more accelerated track."

Rachel smiled. "My teacher told me that I am very smart for my age and I can probably skip a grade." Shelby looked at Rachel and frowned. "Mr. Rossignal said that. During my lunchtime sessions with Kurt when I was at school."

Shelby and Santana frowned. "What lunch time sessions?" the mother asked.

"He said you said it was okay," Rachel said quietly. "Was that not okay?"

Santana groaned and put her head in her hands.

Shelby took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak but was cut off.

"Rachel, I'm gonna tell you something that you should know," Holly began. "You are an incredible girl, but you're also too trustworthy. People lie to make you feel better and safer."

"I know that," Rachel whispered.

"Unless you hear it directly from your mothers mouth - you need to check about everything." Holly narrowed her eye thoughtfully. "You know what. If you finish your work fast, I have a special assignment for you and I to work on."

Rachel looked at her with a frown. "What?"

"I'm going to teach you self-defense."

The eleven year old frowned. Holly could see traces to discolored bruising on her face.

"I don't like violence," the tiny girl protested.

"It's not violence if you're fighting back, Rachel"

The children all looked at Shelby waiting for approval.

"Holly, we are not necessarily-"

"She's not going to be doing things like going to the shooting range or throwing knives or drop kicking people," Holly said quickly. "We're going to do boxing. You know what? All of you will box."

"Like slapping each other in our underwear?" Noah asked in disgust.

Holly frowned and looked at him. "Noah, everyday you will present five facts about five things you know nothing about." Noah opened his mouth to ask a question. Holly cut him off. "Yes, that means Five facts per thing with a total of twenty-five facts. Yes, you can write them down and create handouts." She pointed at Noah with a smile. "Clearly, your question, right?" She smiled at Noah's blank stare. "Tomorrow: Your five things: 1. Wrestling. 2. Origin of Football 3. The education system. 4. the onion. and 5. Mohawks. Learn the history behind your chosen hair-do."

Noah looked at the family. Santana and Quinn snorted with laughter.

"Would you two like five things as well?"

They sucked back their laughter and shook their heads.

"We have a bit. Let's do some assignments. I want to make sure you all know what your assignments are. We're going to make planners for your homework assignments."

The older three frowned. Rachel smiled and raised her hand. "I have one already! Can I use mine?"

Holly frowned. "No." She smiled. "Clean slate." Rachel's smile faded and nodded. Holly leaned forward so that her face was near Rachel's. "You don't need to try so hard, Rachel," she whispered. "I already like you."

…...

Shelby folded the clothes from the dryer. She had almost forgot that she put the load in until she heard the buzzer go off.

"The kids are doing work. Actually doing work," Joey said from behind her.

Shelby gave a small, weak smile and returned to the careful folding of the kids' clothes. She paused as she looked at Rachel's underwear. She bit her lip and closed her eyes.

"Shelby?" Joey asked gently. She stepped into the laundry room and closed the door to the kitchen.

She didn't answer.

"Shelby?" she asked again.

Shelby folded the clothes and reached for something else.

"I got a call from the ADA," she said quietly as she avoided Joey's eyes. "They are handing in the evidence from the clinic today and -"

"What?" Joey asked. "The clinic?" She frowned.

Shelby didn't respond instead she continued to fold laundry.

"Shelby?" she asked. "What about the clinic? What evidence?"

Shelby took a breath and continued to fold laundry.

Joey snatched the clothes away and stood in front of her. "What is going on?"

Shelby took a deep breath. "The father of Quinn's baby."

"What baby?" Joey asked quietly.

Shelby met her eyes. "The one she miscarried last spring..."

Joey searched the younger woman's eyes. They paused for a moment. She released a shaky breath. "Just say it, Shelby."

"The baby's father was Quinn's father."

Joey stared at her. She was a woman of fire. She was a woman to be reckoned with. However, in that moment all she was was silent. Shelby was waiting for a scream. She was waiting for something, but she received nothing.

"Joey?" she asked.

"What time is the hearing?" she asked dryly.

Shelby narrowed her eyes. "In about two hours, but I need to get them food and finish folding laundry and then I need to shower and head out but I don't-"

"Go shower. I'll drive you to the courthouse," she said dryly. "We'll go get something to eat. It looks like they are wrapping up in there. Go upstairs."

"Joey?" Shelby asked.

"Go," the elder sister said. "We only have two hours right?"

Shelby looked at her. "Are you okay?"

"Go," Joey said. She continued to fold the laundry. "I'll finish this."

"You fold things wrong," Shelby replied.

"Get out of here. You're not going to go there smelly," she said. "Now get."

Shelby nodded and left the room. Joey watched her head up the back stairs through the kitchen. She watched Quinn and Santana smirk about Noah's pensive look as he tackled his school work. Quinn whispered something to Santana and shook her head at Rachel when Rachel reached over Santana to correct something. Joey watched another creep to the surface on Quinn's face. Quinn and Santana turned and looked at her. "Did you hear what we're doing?" Santana asked with a smirk.

"Focus, feisty one," Holly called from where she stood looking over Noah's shoulder helping him.

Joey gave a small nod and backed back into the laundry and closed the door. She leaned against the wall and put her hand over her eyes. A tiny sob echoed through the room. Thankfully, however, the sound of the churning washer erased the noise. She squeezed her eyes shut. She remembered the conversation clearly.

"_We're going to get out of this town and be people," a preteen Joey said with a smile. _

"_Yeah, right," Judy Gardner replied. "People don't miraculously become people, they just change into different versions of themselves." _

_Joey laughed. "You're an optimist." _

"_I'm not an optimist," she replied rolling her eyes. Joey watched as Judy looked at her hands. "I'm a realist." _

"_You're also a fun sucker," Joey clarified. "Life's short. Eat more bacon." _

_Judy laughed. "I would never give up bacon." She paused. "Promise me that we won't become the worst version of ourselves." _

_Joey shrugged. "We might but you can come back from it. You just have to get through it." _

_Judy shook her head. "That's not true. There's always a point of no return." _

"_You are the biggest fun sucker EVER." Joey laughed. She looked at her carefully. "You can come back from crappy things." _

_Judy looked at her with an arch of a brow. "Can you?" _

_Joey thought for a moment. "I think so," she said honestly. "But you have to want it." _

"_That's what I'm saying," Judy laughed. "Sometimes too much happens and you can't even find the effort to do that." _

_Joey shook her head. "You can't think that way." _

"_I'm thirteen. I'm old. Hope has been used up on the Easter Bunny." Judy shook her head. _

"_You're also cynical. How are you going to win your prince like that?" Joey asked with a nudge. _

"_What prince?" she laughed. _

_Joey frowned. Everyone has a prince," she smiled. _

_Judy shook her head. "Everyone has a fantasy." _

"_We really need to work on your optimism," Joey laughed. _

_Judy smiled. "Good luck with that." _

_Judy looked up suddenly. There was a horn honked from the road. "I gotta go." She smiled as she stood. "I'll see ya." _

_Joey smiled. "Undoubtedly." _

"Are you okay?"

Joey looked up and realised she was sitting on the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest.

Quinn was staring at her with a frown.

She nodded quietly trying not to think too much about it. "Why aren't you studying?"

She shrugged. "I was cold. My sweatshirt is in the dryer."

Joey stood up and dug out the sweatshirt. She handed it to the girl and cupped her face gently. The blond swallowed as Joey looked at her carefully.

"She told you," Quinn said quietly. Joey nodded. "I … I... um..."

"There is no way that this is your fault. No way." Quinn bit her lip and looked away. "I still love you, kiddo," Joey said softly kissing her on the forehead.

Quinn gave a tiny nod and tried to lower her gaze.

"I don't want to talk about it," Quinn whispered with a hitch in her breath .

"Okay," Joey nodded. "Get back in there. You have a lot of work to do."

Quinn scoffed. "That woman is nuts."

Joey smiled. "Good to know."

"Okay," she muttered. "I'll see ya."

Joey nodded and smiled. "Undoubtedly."

She smiled and watched the younger blond disappear back into the room.

…...

Joey walked into the grocery store and Noah raced to catch up.

"What are we doing here?" Noah asked quickly.

"Getting food, bud," she said.

"But it's a store," he said with a frown. "Maybe we should have let San come."

"That was your Mom's choice. She was disrespectful to Holly. And from what I heard you were border line," Joey said with a disapproving brow. "Work on that please."

Noah nodded. "Why aren't we at a restaurant? I mean seriously. Are we cooking?"

Joey scoffed. "They have a place called the deli. Have you heard of it?"

The two of them stopped at the deli.

"What do you think?" Joey asked. "Fried chicken? Sandwiches?"

"Rach won't eat that. I don't think Quinn likes anything fried... except bacon...Santana's a secret pig. She totally likes fried chicken but as the head cheerleader she pretends that she doesn't. I'll eat either, obviously. OHH! Mac and cheese!"

Joey frowned and looked at the boy. Perhaps bringing the human garbage disposal was a poor choice.

"Listen why don't you just get some meat and cheese from the deli." She looked up and spotted two faces she didn't expect to see in the adjoining wine and beer season off the produce. She looked at the deli tenant. "We need 1 pound of turkey, 1 pound ham, 1 pound roast beef and 2 pounds provolone. anything else, Noah?"

"What about Rach?"

"Let's do a Greek salad without Feta?"

The tenant nodded and began to package it up.

"Can you go wait in the car, Noah?"

"How will you carry all this stuff?"

Joey nodded. "I'll handle it." She handed the boy the keys. She arched her brow. "Go."

Joey saw Frannie spot her and begin to stalk toward her. Noah frowned and stared. Joey looked at him more sharply. "Go!"

He opened his mouth to protest. "I mean it", she said more sharply.

He slowly began to leave but looked over his shoulder in hesitation. She nodded him on until he was out the sliding doors. She remembered wondering on the way over how much Noah knew. While he was stoic in so may ways, he wasn't a man who would walk away from them, not if he knew that.

"The reason that Quinn's living with them is probably because she's sleeping with that manwhore," Frannie hissed. Judy walked next to her with a hand basket containing three bottles of scotch.

"Are you even of drinking age, Frannie?" Joey asked with a frown.

"Yes," she sneered grabbing a bottle of wine with a sneer.

Joey turned and took the first batch of meat from the tenant. She purposefully turned and found interest in the bread. Pitas. Are those vegan?

Frannie was suddenly in her face. If she didn't frown so deeply she would be beautiful. She had graceful features that were soft and almost fragile but they were to masked by the hardness of her eyes.

"Who the hell do you think you are? You know nothing about Quinn or about us," she hissed.

Joey looked at her and took a breath. She turned away. She focused more on the display bread. Tortillas. Are those vegan?

She glanced over at Judy and saw that she was shaking her head silently with a deep frown. Time had painted heavy age lines on her face.

"Quinn has caught you in her lies and you're only making things worse!" She shook her head. "My father has given her EVERYTHING!"

Joey tightened her jaw and flashed a glare at Judy.

Frannie continued. "He has given her a roof and food and clothes! This is how she repays us with these lies!"

"They're not lies," Joey hissed quietly. "Ask your mother," she said fiercely.

Frannie shook her head and dismissed the statement, barely flashing her mother a confused shake of her head.

"I can take care of Quinn. My mother is a mess! Obviously. Just drop this."

Joey turned and put her hands on her hips. "You're both messes," she said locking her eyes with Judy and not breaking them. She paused for a moment before turning back to Frannie. "You're a child, an angry, wronged, confused child."

"SHUT UP! YOU FUCKING BITCH!" Frannie hissed.

"Is there a problem here?" a man asked.

Joey shook her head. "I'm leaving in a few minutes. We're almost finished."

Joey took the rest of the bags of meat and put them in her arms. "You both need to open your eyes," Joey said eerily quiet. "Judy, the only thing you did well in your life is Quinn." She shook her head and looked at Frannie. She shook her head. "Frannie, you are young. You are pissed off. And you need to step up. She is your sister and I know that there were times in that house that you never fought for her." There was a slight flicker in her eyes. "I'm sorry that no one ever fought for you," Joey said slowly. Frannie scoffed and opened her mouth to reply but Joey cut her off. The brunette leaned closer and said slowly, "You will not be happier by making Quinn more miserable. I think you have already done more than your share."

"She deserved it!" Frannie suddenly hissed with a yell.

Joey shook her head. "Did she?" she asked more slowly. "Did you?"

Frannie looked away. Joey turned to Judy and locked with her eyes. "Frannie, you can waste the rest of your life being pissed off. You can come back from shitty things, but you have to want it. And all I see is you holding on to something terrible." She narrowed her eyes even more at Judy. "If you don't step up now, you will be your mother here, in the grocery store buying crap wine."

Judy just stared back at her without a word.

"Mom, aren't you going to say something?"

"No, she's not," Joey hissed. "Because she knows I'm right. Your mother believed in herself once but instead became the worst version of herself with the worst man."

"Don't talk about my father," Frannie hissed.

Joey stepped forward and looked Frannie deep in the eyes. "Let me ask you one thing," she whispered seeing a flicker in the girl's eyes. "When she was screaming or crying for help, was there a flicker of anything sisterly, of any love in you at all, that wanted to help her?" Frannie looked at her and opened her mouth, but couldn't form words. "I thought so."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Frannie said hurriedly. Judy just looked at her with a slight deflation.

Joey collected the rest of the things from the deli and began to walk away, but stopped. She turned back and looked at the women. "You need to stop fighting for something that isn't real. You never cared for her you never fought for her. You forced her to think that she deserved all the shit you put her through for sixteen years." She looked at Frannie. "Grow up," she hissed. "Figure out how to be a human being first and then maybe figure out how to live with yourself." Joey paused and looked at Judy. "I have nothing to say to you." She frowned and turned back. "You know what? Actually I do. You're not good enough for me to shit on. Best of luck with alcoholism and your raping bastard husband. You two deserve each other."

Frannie turned to her mother as Joey began to walk away. "Are you going to take that? Mom?"

Joey didn't hear Judy reply or say anything or even make a sound. Apparently, she was going take it. She looked down at her arms full of food. Pitas were a good choice. And she didn't forget the Greek salad.

…...

Shelby stepped downstairs and back into the kitchen. She looked around. It didn't feel like her house. The children were sitting practically in silence doing work.

The doorbell rang interrupting her thoughts. She answered the door. The nurse. She was surprised that the nurse that was sent over was a young man.

"Hi, I'm Scott. Dr. Pierce sent me over. I have refills on the girl's prescriptions and we'll remove the girl's stitches and I'll take the girls' vitals and check their incision sights." He took a deep breath. "Dr. Pierce also let me know that the girls might be … hesitant."

Shelby nodded.

"My older daughter will probably be rude. It's a defensive mechanism and my youngest might just... cry... So. If we could get this over as fast as possible."

He nodded.

"Quinn, Rach, come here," Shelby called.

The girls entered and Rachel leaned back against Quinn.

"He's just going to check your vitals and remove your stitches."

Rachel looked at Quinn. "I'm okay," she muttered.

Quinn looked at her with a soft smile. "It's okay. I'll go first. It'll be fine and then you can do it and get back to those color coding notes you're taking." Rachel frowned. Quinn arched her brow. "Yeah, I saw them."

Once the vitals were done, Quin thought that it wasn't going to be that bad. Then he asked the question.

"Is it okay if I lift your shirt?"

Quinn's face fell. She bit her lip. "Sure," she muttered.

She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt her shirt being lifted. She felt the familiar shaking in her body that happened in the darkness of her room. She suddenly felt a hand take hers.

"Quinn?"

She opened them and looked at Shelby. The mother smiled. "You're doing great."

She scoffed. "No, I'm not."

"Tell me about your assignments." she offered.

Quinn quietly began to describe them. She winced as she felt her incision sight being prodded.

"Are you okay?" Rachel asked quietly. "That's really red. Is she infected? Mom?"

Shelby used her free hand to rub Rachel's back. "It's fine. Rachel. She's just raw. You're okay and so is she."

Quinn winced as he began to slowly take small tweezers and scissors and cut the stitches out. He made sure there was not much bleeding.

"Why is she bleeding like that? Is she okay?" Rachel asked interrupting the discussion about geometric shapes.

"There is a little blood, but it's just because we took out the stitches. They're like little cuts."

Rachel frowned and leaned forward to look at the stitches.

"Rachel!" Quinn hissed. "Back off."

Finally, they were all out and Scott used an anti bacterial spray and redressed with a dry sterile bandage. She gave a grimace. "See? Not bad at all."

Rachel frowned and lifted the back of her shirt and glanced at her bandage covered wound. She shook her head. "It's not healed. I'll hemorrhage."

Shelby looked at her with a frown. "You won't, bug. Go and see Scott."

Rachel bit her lip and took a step toward Scott. Scott reached out with a blood pressure cuff and Rachel backed away. Shelby took a deep breath, suspecting that it would happen. She reached out and took Rachel in her arms. She felt badly as the girl's tiny breath of relief passed and transformed into panicked hitches for the next five minutes as the young nurse collected her vitals.

Quinn set next to her and distracted the small girl by telling her incorrect history dates and gramatical facts that she knew that the eleven year old couldn't help but correct.

"Rachel, did you know that Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1942?" Quinn asked holding Rachel's hand as she whimpered as he took her blood pressure.

"Quinn!" Rachel said with frustration. "We were at war. Our second world war! Columbus was long dead!"

"Oh," Quinn faux mocked. "The capital of California is Kansas," she continued as if it were real. Rachel let out a tiny sob as Shelby helped Scott lift Rachel's shirt.

She shook her head. "Stop pretending to be an idiot to make me feel better. It's making me angry."

Quinn shrugged. "But it works. You didn't even feel him start taking out your stitches."

"No," Rachel said but looked and watched with interest to see that she was not wrong. "Oh."

Scott smiled. "And we're done."

Rachel frowned and leaned back into her mother with a frown. "Quinn, I thought you said you were at the top of your class?"

"I am," she smiled. "I'm smart enough to know how to distract you."

"We're home!" Noah called from the kitchen.

"Things look pretty good," Scott said standing up. "I'll report back to Dr. Pierce. Make sure they take their meds. Also," Scott leaned forward and continued more quietly. "He will give you a call. He wants to set up an appointment for Rachel to make sure that she's healing alright beneath."

Shelby nodded and watched as the girls disappear into the kitchen. "Alright." She nodded. "Thank you, Scott."

Shelby closed the door behind him and walked into the kitchen. She looked at Joey as she unpacked the food on the table. "This is all you bought? No hummus or something? Carrots? Celery? Anything, Jo?"

The older woman frowned. "I was a little distracted, Shel. Suck it up."

Shelby frowned. "Fine. Guys, wash your hands please. Let's eat. Quinn and Rach, here are your pills."

An hour later, Shelby walked through the court house doors next to her sister. She packed her keys back into her purse and put her watch back on. Metal detectors are so obnoxious.

"You doing better? The kids settled?" Joey asked as they entered the court room.

"Yeah," Shelby said with a nod. "They're alright. Tom sent a nurse over to the house. The girls had their stitches taken out and-"

"And you're sure you're okay here?" Joey asked.

"Yes, the nurse wrapped up before we left. Mom and Dad are going to stay with the kids. Quinnie and Rach are drugged up and San and Noah are up to their eye balls in work." She sighed. "Joey, I need to be here for this. I need to be here so that I can explain it to the kids..." She looked around the room and her eyes stopped at Judy and Frannie. She continued. "To explain it to Quinn."

Joey nodding taking a seat with Shelby.

"Are you okay? You seem a little..." Joey searched for a word.

"I just had a bad dream that freaked me out," Shelby said quietly as she stared across the aisle at Judy and Frannie.

"What was it about?" Joey attempted.

Shelby didn't break her gaze as Judy looked over her shoulder. "Nothing," she muttered.

Joey followed her sister's line of vision and spotted Judy. Her eyes were tired. Her face was usually pinched tightly in a frown. It wasn't. It was simply tired. She didn't regret what she said earlier. She meant every word. Joey regretted in that moment not saying anything until that moment. She was about to comment on it but the judge entered the room and the hearing began. Frannie looked over her shoulder and shot Joey a glare.

"Bitch!" she hissed across the aisle.

"I have here that we have some new evidence that we're submitting today." The lawyer interrupted.

There was a rustle of papers. The ADA, Ben Nichols, stood and handed a file folder to both the judge and opposing party. Shelby watched carefully as the judge's eyes widened and nodded.

"Okay," he said. "Counselor?" He looked at Russell and Felix Duncan.

Felix leaned over and talked to Russel quietly. Russell narrowed his eyes and looked at the folder and shook his head. However, Shelby could tell there was a flicker in the man's eyes. Felix stood up.

"We wish to proceed with this new evidence."

The judge arched his brow in surprise. "Okay, let's proceed."

Ben stood. "We would like to call Dr. Thomas Pierce to the stand."

Shelby watched as the doctor came into the room and was sworn in.

"Dr. Pierce, you treated Quinn Fabray correct?"

"Yes, I did after the recent car accident as well as a follow up after she was removed from her parents."

"Do you know the Fabrays?" Ben asked.

"Yes," he said. He tilted his head. "I thought I did." He sighed. "I just wish I had spoken sooner."

"Spoken about what, Dr. Pierce?"

"Hind sight is twenty-twenty," the doctor said not breaking his gaze from the man. "My late mother suspected something, but...like I said hind sight is twenty-twenty."

"Miss Fabray recently disclosed the father of her child, is that correct?"

"She wasn't one-hundred percent but I knew that there was DNA evidence collected at the clinic she told me she visited."

"This is the evidence that we have here, correct?"

"Yes," Tom said.

"Can you please state for the record what this new evidence shows?" the ADA asked.

Tom looked at the Fabrays. "It shows that the father of the child that Quinn Fabray miscarried was indeed Russell Fabray."

"LIAR!"

The court room turned and looked over as Frannie stood up in rage. Shelby turned and watched Frannie stand in anger and rage. She was ranting. However, Shelby couldn't hear her clearly. All the mother saw was Judy Fabray as the blond woman looked forward with the same exhausted stare. Shelby shook her head at the woman. She realized that Frannie's reaction was typical. She watched people for a living. It wasn't news to Judy. It didn't phase the woman at all.

Russell turned and looked at Frannie and Judy. Shelby observed carefully as Frannie made eye contact with her father and silenced. Felix patted Russell's shoulders and the man turned forward. Shelby watched as Russell and Felix talked quietly. Tom was dismissed and walked off of the stand.

Felix Duncan stood. "Your honor. Permission to approach."

Shelby watched as the judge discussed something quietly with Felix and Ben. They returned to their seats.

The judge took a deep breath. "Mr. Fabray has changed his plea to guilty. He'll be held without bail until sentencing the day after tomorrow. Adjourned."

Shelby watched as Russell was led out of the courtroom by an officer. He didn't look back. Not once. Shelby watched after him. She knew her sister was wondering what he was thinking, what Judy thought. What was going through their heads. However, Shelby knew. She knew because cases like this were familiar. This was her job. Shelby worked with victims and their families. The scars ran deep unavoidably. She watched Frannie carefully. She held her head in her hands. For the first time Shelby paused. What was Frannie's role? Who was she to Russell?

"Shelby?"

She looked up and Ben and Joey were standing with her.

She sighed. "What does this mean?" Shelby asked.

Ben ushered Joey and Shelby toward a conference room. Shelby watched as Joey paused and exchanged a look with Judy.

"Come on," Shelby said to her older sister. She pulled her arm slightly. "Come on."

Ben closed the door and sighed.

"So he plead out?" Joey asked.

Ben nodded. "He's going to take a plea bargain."

"Which is?" Joey asked.

"He's pleading guilty to all charges. The DA's office is hoping that the judge will sentence him to serve each term consecutively." Ben sighed and crossed his arms as he saw Joey's eyes egging him to continue. He sighed again. "Sixty years total. He won't get out anytime soon. He will die before he gets out."

"That we hope," Shelby replied. "What's the minimum he can get?"

"Thirty," Ben said with a sigh.

Shelby shook her head. "He needs to stay in. He made her life hell and -"

"I will do my best, but..." Ben trailed off. He looked over at Joey.

"What?" Shelby asked volleying her look between the two. "What?" she said more loudly.

Joey frowned and took a deep breath as she looked at her sister, "If Quinn gives a victim's statement, there's a better chance that he won't get out. You know that this looks bad on paper but it's not personal. If the trial went forward and the jury and judge saw Quinn, it would put a face to all of this. Her statement could ensure he never gets out."

Shelby narrowed her eyes. "We've forced her too early to confess what happened." She shook her head. "Now we want her to read a statement about what he did to her for her first sixteen years. No. No way. Her stress and anxiety about this will be too much. I'm saying no. Can I read a statement? I will read one on her behalf."

"Absolutely, but hers would be-"

Shelby cut him off. "Then we'll do that. My kid is not doing it. I need to go home and figure out what to tell her. "

"We need to talk about another subject."

Shelby frowned. "What?"

There was a gentle knock at the door. The Captain walked into the room.

"What's going on?" Joey asked.

The two men exchanged a look. "We received the results from the lab on Rachel's dress."

"And?" Joey pushed.

"They match the DNA that we had on Will."

Joey frowned. "So what's the issue? Arrest the bastard."

"We can't," the captain said with a frown. "He's missing."

"God damn it," Shelby hissed.

"We went to arrest him at the house and Suzy Pepper was at the house alone with the ankle monitor on."

She shook her head and wiped away the tears. "What does this mean?" She laughed at the irony. "Other than the fact that I have to tell my youngest that the man that's giving her nightmares is out on the loose."

"We are going to escort your family back to the house. We are placing and officer at the house with you. You need to call me if you want to leave. We will escort you."

Shelby bit her lip. "Okay."

She felt Joey squeeze her hand. "Okay."

…...

Shelby walked into the house with a heavy sigh. She wasn't sure if she couldn't deliver more news. She wasn't sure what to say. The house was quiet again. This didn't feel like her house.

"Where are my children?"

She rounded the corner and the two older kids were doing their homework silently. "How's it going?"

She looked into the family room and Quinn was asleep on the couch with a book in hand.

They nodded. "This sucks!" Santana hissed.

Shelby closed her eyes. "Yeah, I know."

"Where did you go?"

Shelby shook her head. "I'll tell you later."

She sighed. Will's out. Quinn needs to testify. The words circled her head. They can never catch a break. Should they not leave the house?

"Mom, can Brittany come over?"

Brittany, Shelby thought. Should she have a police officer outside her house? She sighed. She just needed to hold her baby girl. Her mother looked at her from the sink.

"You alright, Shel?"

"Long day, Mom," Joey said quietly as she grabbed a bottle of beer.

Shelby looked into the family room. Quinn was asleep. She walked in and gently pulled the blanket up to her chin, and kissed her softly. She cracked her neck and looked around. There were blankets on the shorter couch where Rachel would have been. She frowned. George was there. She frowned deeper. She felt her heart quickening. He was out. He was missing he tricked them into thinking that he was in his house. He...

"Where's Rachel?" she asked hurriedly. "Where's Rachel?" She looked toward the stairs. "Where's Rachel?" she shouted.

"Mom? Are you okay? You're freaking out?"

"Mom?"

"Where is she?"

Shelby frowned. She squeezed her eyes shut and pictured Rachel naked in a basement some where being tied up screaming for her. She was there now, Shelby told herself. She was screaming for her. She had to get to her.

She felt an arm pull her into the front foyer. She needed to find her. She needed to find Rachel.

She looked at the woman holding her arm. "Mom!" she scolded. "I need to find Rachel."

"You need to calm down," Helen said hushed. "She's right here." Helen looked up the stairs and Rachel was rubbing her eyes.

"Mumma, this itches. I think the nurse took them out too early." Rachel paused when she sees her mother's face. "What's wrong?"

Shelby climbed the stairs two by two and picked Rachel up and into her arms. Rachel instinctively wrapped her legs around her mother as Shelby held her tightly. Rachel rested her head on her mother's shoulder. She rubbed her eyes and let her eyes close.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Shelby led Rachel to her bedroom and laid with her in the queen size bed. The girl yawned.

"The reason...," she sighed and watched Rachel search her eyes. She needed to find her words, but they were stuck in the pit of her stomach. She took Rachel's hands. "I was scared when I couldn't find you last night."

Rachel nodded. "I know," she replied. "I'm sorry. I was just scared."

"I know, Rachel," she said. "But you can't do that. You can't just go hide. I know you want to be alone but you …. you can't just not tell me where you are."

The little girl looked at her with a deep set frown. "Okay..." She looked at her mother's eyes. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

Shelby gave a weak smile. "No, bugs, I'm not."

"Oh," Rachel whispered sitting up. "What's wrong?"

"Rachel, I have to tell you something," she said quietly. "Something very important and the reason I was scared that you weren't downstairs." Rachel looked back at her with big eyes. "I need you to tell me where you are. At all times. You scared me."

Rachel felt the tension in the room and her eyes filled with tears as she looked up at her mother. "Nana said I could use the bathroom alone." She shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"Rachel, Will Schuester was put on house arrest after being released on bail." Her heart broke as Rachel sobbed. "But the results from your dress came back. They have enough to arrest him again and keep him in jail." Shelby paused. "But when they went to get him, he wasn't there. He's missing." Rachel let out a sob as Shelby pulled her into her arms and rubbed her back. "I have to know where you are at all times. No exceptions." She could feel her shaking in her arms. "It's okay to be scared but you cannot panic. You will never be alone while he is loose." She cupped her face. "I promise you that." She smiled at Rachel as she looked up at her. She frowned and made her face more serious. "The police will be outside the house and I don't want to scare you at this point but I need to make sure that you know that hiding in the garage or anywhere while he is loose, cannot happen."

She could hear Rachel still shivering loudly in her arms. She was practically quaking. She rubbed her back and rocked her gently.

"I promise I won't let anything happen to you," she said quietly. "I promise you that you are safe."

"I don't understand," she heard a tiny voice said. "I don't... I don't understand what they found..."

"They found his DNA on your dress, Rachel," she said carefully.

"Like his hair?" She frowned. "Wait,... the sticky stuff?"

Shelby nodded. "Yeah, honey."

Rachel laid her head on her mother's shoulder. "Oh." She hugged her mother tighter. "I want to sleep," she whispered. "Can I sleep?"

"No, honey, It's not even dinner yet. We're going to go tell the others and then you need to do some work." She rocked her quietly. "Bug, you are safe here. We are here for you. I love you so much."

Shelby started to sit up. Rachel held on tighter and whined in protest.

"No," she managed.

"Rach-"Shelby began.

"I have a dream," Rachel whimpered. "I have a dream that he catches me... and... I feel it... and then... Papa Hiram is there and he hits me and he puts it... and I feel it... and... I don't know why it hurts too much." Rachel frowned and sat up. "Why did... Why did they let him go?"

Shelby looked into her deep eyes taking in what her daughter just revealed. "Well..." she searched for words. "It was because it's hard to explain. I believe you, sweetie. But sometimes especially when you're remembering like you are. It's hard..."

The mother's heart broke as Rachel began to sob. "T-t-t-they don't believe me?"

Shelby felt her own eyes water. "Honey, it's not taht they don't believe you it's that... your memories are mixing with reality and it's hard to -"

"They think I'm confused," she sobbed. Rachel tried to get from her mother's arms. She started to run for the closet.

Shelby caught her and scooped her up and rocked her as she cried.

"I'm so sorry, Rachel. Shhhh..." she hushed. Rachel tried to kick out of Shelby's arms. The mother rocked her. "This is what I mean, Rach. You can't go hiding. I'm sorry. I know you want to, but you can't. Laws aren't always fair. I'm sorry. It's scary and painful but-"

Rachel stopped fighting in her arms. She was exhausted. She sniffled. "I... I want to take it back. Okay?" She pulled away and looked at her mother. "I take it back."

Shelby looked at her with a heavy heart. "Rachel, you cant take it back - and now the dress confirms what we already know is true so we move forward and it will be hard but you can do it, bug."

Rachel pulled the hood of her sweatshirt that she was wearing over her head. The mother noticed that she was wearing Santana's Cheerios's hoodie. Shelby pulled the hood back down and lifted Rachel's chin gently to look at her. "You're going to get through this, bug."

"I don't want to," Rachel muttered, pulling the hood back over her head.

"I know," Shelby whispered, kissing her forehead. "Come on, let's go wake Q-Bear and then talk to your siblings and -"

"I don't want to hear it again," she said quickly. "Can I do my work?..." She looked at her mother. "With my hood up?"

Shelby chuckled. "With your hood up, sure."

Telling the older children went how she expected. Santana had Rachel feet away from her the rest of the night and Quinn was silently screaming at herself in her head. Noah had spent an hour in the basement.

The children were now fed and silent. It was seven o'clock when the doorbell sounded. The officer named Doug that was assigned to the house approved and the ADA came into the house.

"What are you doing here?" Shelby hissed in the foyer as Santana peeked around the corner. "Santana, kitchen, now!"

Santana complied.

"I told you that I would talk to her. I would make her statement. I haven't even told her yet."

"The whole thing is tomorrow," Ben said gently. "I called you six times. The officers let me in."

Shelby frowned. "Let me make this loud and clear. You do not come to my house unless I pick up. Got it?"

"My apologies." He sighed. "I'm here to help you."

"You can help explain it to her, but I am making the statement," Shelby said.

"It's my job to explain what this statement could do."

Shelby narrowed her eyes. "Okay."

Shelby called Quinn into the study and they sat down.

She looked around with a frown. "What's happening?" she asked,

"Well, the good news, Quinn, is your father is pleading guilty."

Quinn frowned. "What?" She shook her head "I'm sure you have a lot of cases. Maybe you have them confused... "

Ben chucked. "No, I didn't. He pled out."

"Why?" Quinn asked looking at Shelby in shock.

"That's where I was today," Shelby said. "The evidence of your baby's-"

"She's not mine... she's … She's dead," Quin said quietly.

"Okay," Shelby said quietly. "Tomorrow is his sentencing," Shelby explained.

Ben and Shelby exchanged a look. "I came here to talk to you about speaking tomorrow."

"Why?" Quinn asked.

"Because sometimes it helps to hear from the victims."

"Are you saying if they don't hear from me that he could... he could get less time?" the sixteen year old asked.

"Yes," Ben said.

"But I can speak on behalf of you. If you want to write something, I can read it. Or -"

"I'll write something."

Shelby looked up and Santana was standing at the door.

"Santana, I told you to wait out there in the kitchen."

"I can," she said sitting next to Quinn, ignoring her mother. "I can write something or read something. Or both. Noah too."

Quinn frowned. "I can... I can write something. I'll do it." Shelby glared at Ben. The girl stood up. "I'll go right now... I'll um... See you tomorrow?" She paused. "Will... will my …. birth mother and …. him and …. Frannie be there?"

Ben nodded. "Most likely. They may even be giving statements against yours."

Santana frowned. "We'll be there, too."

"Santana," Shelby interjected.

"No, Mom," she said. "Noah and I will be there. Rach is too little, but we'll be there."

Santana walked Quinn out of the room and back out to the dinning room.

"What's happening?" Noah asked sitting at the table. "Rachel's asleep by the way. It's seven can you believe it?" They ignored him.

"Writing... things..." Quinn muttered.

"What things?" he asked.

"Shut up," Santana said.

"Writing a letter because... because the judge might give my... give Russell less time if I don't."

"What?" Noah frowned.

"He's pleading guilty," Santana explained. "His sentencing is tomorrow and...The judge is making a choice and it might help if we have something to say."

Noah looked at his hands. Quinn felt so much tension just by looking at his face. He shook his head.

"I can't believe that," he said standing up. He shook his head and started back toward the family room.

"Am I that disgusting?" Quinn whispered.

Noah stopped. "What?" The frown was still there. "No... What?"

"Nevermind... just... nevermind."

"Quinn," he tried.

"My baby was his baby too, okay?" she hissed. The tears fell like detached rain. "Just shut up and get out."

He looked at her in confusion, shock and surprise. It took him a second to find words, "What, Quinn- I- You're not disgusting I just can't..."

"Forget it," she said looking down at her paper.

"Quinn," he started again.

"Go away, Noah."

"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I just-"

"Go away, Noah," Santana hissed.

Noah frowned. "Quinn, you're not disgusting. There's no way."

"Go away!" she scolded.

He nodded and left the room.

…..

Night turned into day without grace. The house was silent. The tension was unmasked. Shelby gave the children a break by cancelling Holly for the day. Rachel was confused by the silence but took solace in the silence because it allowed her to be in her own world. Once the police officer and her parents were set. Shelby kissed Rachel goodbye approximately five times and did twice as many hugs and then left for the courthouse.

Quinn hadn't said a word. However, once they walked into the room she gripped harder to Shelby.

"I can't do this," she whispered.

"It's okay," Shelby said. "You don't have to. I'll read it."

"No," Santana said as they sat down. "I'll do it. She needs you here."

Shelby watched as Santana stood once Quinn was called by the judge and walked quietly to the stand. She couldn't have been prouder.

Santana held the paper tightly in her hand. She needed to be brave. She told her she would do it. She needed to step up. She took a deep breath. She looked up at the judge.

"I'm speaking for my sister," she said with a strong voice. She looked down at the paper. "She wrote this."

She looked back at Quinn once more who had her head bowed. She turned back to the judge and looked down at the paper. "My whole life I wondered what I did wrong. My father taught me that his word was right and that God was on his side. I grew up thinking that no one was on mine and I deserved what happened to me." Santana's voice waivered. "I don't expect any of you to understand me and what has gone on in my head or in that house. This isn't about justice to me. This isn't about revenge." Santana frowned at the words. "It's more complex than that. It's confusing and it hurts... all the time and that's just the beginning. I don't expect you to forgive me. What hurts the most is the failure." Santana's voice wavered. "The failure of myself to step up..."

Santana paused. She felt moisture on her cheeks. She was crying. She felt a gentle hand on her arm. She looked up and Noah took the paper from her. He leaned down to the microphone. "My name is Noah Corcoran, Quinn's brother, I will finish this statement." He looked over his shoulder making sure that Santana was back at the seat next to Quinn. They were hugging each other quietly.

"I kept these secrets all my life," Noah continued. "and for the first time, I'm starting to understand that I didn't deserve all those things that happened to me. The shame runs deeper than I expect you to comprehend... My father made choices that ruined my family and my life. But he's not my family anymore because the people that helped me understand that I didn't deserve to feel so low and pathetic are my real family now. That man was supposed to be my father. He is the reason that I thought my life was supposed to be like it was. He's the reason that I never considered anything else. But in reality it was a nightmare. Again, I'm not asking for justice, I'm asking for a second chance. Every day and every moment he took away pieces of me that I didn't know I had. And now, because of that I have to fight to feel the good things." Noah released a quivering breath. "I'm here to ask you to consider my future. I will never forget what happened and what he's done to me..What I let him do..." Noah paused. "I never thought about my future other than getting out of that house, but now I'm making plans. So I ask you with everything in front of you...To you it is just simply evidence but to me it's the secrets that I never told... With all that, I beg for a future without him. I will never forget him and all that happened, but you are the one that decides my future. Thank you."

Noah folded the paper carefully and stared down at the podium. He leaned down to the microphone. "I'm not a writer. I don't make sense most of the time," the boy said with a shrug.. "I didn't write anything at home for a speech or whatever to prepare for this..But I have … I have something to say..." He looked at the judge as he hunched to meet the microphone. "She is our sister. We have another sister at home... she's younger... Her name is Rachel... Quinn deserves to be happy. Moving on and being brave isn't easy if every day you wake up knowing that you're one day closer to living in the same world again with the same person that tried to ruin your life." Noah looked the judge deep in the eyes. "No one did anything. No one fought for her for sixteen years. I'm asking you to fight for her now." He shook his head. "That man is low and made her feel like she was lower to make him feel better about his crap self. He felt weak so he made her feel even weaker. Don't give this man an opportunity to feel strong. She's the one who's strong." Noah pointed at Russell. "Not him." He shook his head. "Quinn says this isn't about justice for her that it's about her future and a second chance. To me it's about both. She needs to feel safe. She needs to start over. Someday when she has a grown up family other than us, a family of her own, she should never have to worry about him running into her children. She shouldn't even be in the room or the same building as him. Do you understand how hard this is for her? I know I don't. I can't even try." He sighed. "She is my sister. I now have three sisters. Which is a damn lot of oxygen-"

"Estrogen," Joey said tearfully from behind him.

"Whatever," he muttered. "What I'm trying to say is that she is my sister and I don't know if you have people you care about and want to protect, but I can't seem to always protect them." He shrugged. "They're too damn tough..." He frowned. "I mean darn... oh shit, I said that before... Sorry...She is my family. I will fight for her..." He knew he wasn't making any sense anymore. He looked over at Judy and shook his head and then back at the judge. "We have all failed her. So I'm asking you to make it right. I'm asking you to fix it by giving her a future without him." He shook his head. He stood up straight and wiped his sweaty hands on his dress pants. He leaned back down to the microphone as he put his hands in his pockets. "Uh... Thank you, your honor."

He turned and walked back to the family. Shelby had her arms wrapped around both girls. Tears filled their eyes. He sat next to them and looked ahead.

The judge called Frannie and Judy to speak. However, Quinn watched, perplexed as Frannie talked and shook her head as she talked quietly to Felix. Felix stood. "The defense rests."

Quinn watched as her father stood. He looked so small. The judge leaned back in his seat. "I can not begin to describe my disgust in you, Mr. Fabray. Your daughter, Quinn has more strength and dignity than you will ever know. I didn't need her or her family to speak today to make my decision, but it certainly brought it home. You have pled guilty of two counts of rape of a child, two counts of child endangerment, and three counts child abuse and neglect. For the two counts of rape you will serve thirty years for the two counts of child endangerment you will receive twenty years and for the three counts of child abuse you will receive ten years. You will serve all your terms consecutively. You will be required to serve at least 30 years until you are eligible for parole. Therefore, Mr Fabray, you will hopefully never be allowed to walk free again but if by some small small miracle that you do you will be a very old man. Baliffs take this man out of my sight now."

Santana watched the man leave and she felt Quinn freeze next to her. She squeezed her hand tighter. They watched as he left out of sight. He was gone.

Noah reached out his arm. "Let's go home."

"Do you want to stay, Quinn?" Shelby asked. "Wrap your head around it?"

She shook her head. "There's nothing left to say." She wiped her tears and stood. "We can find out later what happened." With that she stood and walked out of the court room with her family. She didn't turn back.

Joey lingered behind with Noah as they walked out. "You did good, bud."

He shrugged. "I didn't... I don't... I didn't know..."

She rubbed his back. "I didn't know either."

…..

Quinn lay in the couch staring at the ceiling. Noah leaned over her and looked at her with a frown.

"You're obscuring my view," she said with a frown. "My view of the ceiling."

He rolled his eyes and sat down across from her on the coffee table.

He rung out his hands nervously and took a deep breath. "I don't think nor have I ever thought that you were disgusting. I'm sorry about before-"

"You don't have to do this," she groaned.

"I do," he said. "Before I was mad that he...that he plead out. I want to... I wanted him to suffer through a trial but then I was ashamed because I knew that meant you had to, too." He shook his head. "I make no sense. " he sighed. "I'm mad at him for what he did to you and I'm mad that... I wish I knew before and I... I need you to promise me that you'll tell me ….You didn't tell me...I know it's not something you want to say but... I'll fight for you." Quinn looked at him with a frown. "You owe me," he smiled. "I'm your brother. I get to throw a punch for you. You gotta let me."

"This is the strangest conversation we've ever had," Quinn said with a deep set frown.

"I just," he sighed. "You can't..." he looked for his words from the floor. "You can't shut me out. Everyone has shut me out and won't let me be there for them... so... Just... Please." He shook his head. "I was mad because I … I wasn't there... and I ….. Just let me be there okay?

She frowned. "Fine, whatever."

He nodded and stood up.

She watched him go back into the kitchen to work on his homework.

"Today doesn't count," she called after him. He smiled. "Thank you... for what you said."

He shrugged. "Whatever."

Shelby patted Noah on the shoulder as she walked into the room.

"Don't ask me how I am," Quinn said as Shelby sat down next to her. "It doesn't feel like my life. I don't feel relieved or happy or sad... I just feel... different... freer, but lost. So those are my feelings."

Shelby nodded. "Okay."

It did feel surreal and disconnected. It was over. Right?

**Please tell me what you think. I know it was an emotional rollercoaster and a lot happened but please let me know. Thank you. **

**Soooooooo Surprise surprise, this was supposed to be longer. I cut a handful of scenes and moved it to the next chapter. Please let me know what you think. Thank you. Sorry again for the wait... **


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

**Thank you everyone for your support. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry this took so long to post. **

Justholdingon - Thank you so much for your review. Don't apologize for not reviewing all the time. People get busy. I am just glad that you enjoy it. I was at first upset about the review but my beta was even more upset. People are entitled to their own opinions but I do question why they kept reading. But we will never know because they were not brave enough to sign in and allow discussion about it. Thank you for your continuous support and I hope you like this chapter.

SadPanda13 – Thank you so much. I just had to stop my beta from going postal. But like I told her they can write anything they want. It is not going to change what I want to write or how I am going to write it. Thank you so much for your continuous support.

Gleeks09 – Thank you so much. I really like your story and it means a lot when other writers such as yourself or SadPanda review my story. As you know it takes a lot of effort to write a story and is sometimes hurtful when people try to cut you down and not offer constructive critism but they can do that so there is nothing I can do about it. I thank you so very much for your support though.

Rae4509 – Thank you so much for reviewing. The other reviewer is entitled to their opinion although I am with you and question why he/she read so far into the story. But we will never know because they are anonymous. So I am moving on and thank you for your continuous support

Realitychecker – Thank you for your review. Please stop reading this story. My Beta actually wrote a lengthy response to your review but you are entitled to your opinion so I told her just let it go. Have a nice life

Janie - Russell did spare Quinn some but he left her with a lifetime of nightmares and for the most part it was just another thing he only did to spare himself more time in jail. However this time it did not work out for him. Frannie finally is faced with the truth even though she herself witnessed much of the abuse. Joey truly did stand up for her family and her newest niece. Shelby does have a therapist and will use them and has used them I just have not shown it. Thank you so much for reviewing my story. It means the world.

Stormhallow88 - First I love how you called this chapter an episode. It made me laugh. Noah and San both stepped up for the sister and it was very important for them to do that. Will won't be loose for too long. Thanks for the review.

Lolathe17th - Holly is going to be here for a while. Even with the older kids going back to school she is still needed and will stay on. They have missed a lot of school and will need the extra attention. Sorry you were in tears. The next couple of chapters may have you in tears as well. Thanks so much for your review.

amandaes417 - Thank you so much for your kind words. There was a lot of progress for the kids in the chapter. Holly is needed because these kids will go back to school eventually and they are hurting emotionally we can't let the school work get that far behind. We don't want to have to worry about that too. Holly will be here for a while.

lovecanbesostrange - This was much needed for Quinn and the proof was in the miscarriage so it proves that she wasn't lying. Frannie is a hot mess and her upbringing has been horrendous. Joey finally getting to tell Judy what a creature she has become was hard for all involved. Shelby is giving her all to these kids and there are cracks in her strength but she will keep going and make sure all her kids are taken care of. Quite a bit of time has passed for these kids to miss school but it has actually been about 2 weeks - this is the end of their suspension and so a tutor was a must however, Holly is staying on for all of them. It will just be in different capacities. Yes Helen noticed right away that Quinn slept easier so the solution was right there. It will help Quinn with one small issue in her life because right now she has so many and a good night sleep is needed for her on a consistent basis. Will is on the loose but for how long? hmmm. There was a lot packed into that chapter but I think there is a lot packed into this one as well. I hope you enjoy it and thanks so much for your review.

Guest - This chapter will explain if Frannie is up to something. Sorry about throwing your emotions all over the place. I think that this chapter will cause that too. Hang on! Thanks for the review.

Lexie-Rae - Does Shelby even have time for a man? There is so much going on that Shelby is lucky to have time to sleep or eat. But don't think I have forgotten and you may or may not see someone enter the picture soon for Shelby. Holly will have an interesting effect on all the kids and Rachel will be no exception. She will bring out things in Rachel that I don't think anyone else can. Joey will stick up for any of her nieces any time any place. This chapter definitely cemented how much the kids now view each other as siblings now and forever. Thanks for reviewing and I am glad you liked it.

renata - As much as they are all stuck in the moments of what is happening to the or has happened to them they really do need to focus on other things it will help them all try to feel a piece of "normal" and they all need that especially Quinn and Rachel - and that is what Holly will try to do. There is a lot happening in this chapter as well so to distract them with day to day things is a necessity. Shelby couldnt handle a pet right now so even though Rachel loves and may respond to one right now would not be the right time for it. The site is changing things all the time apparently so I am just trying to go with the flow. I love your reviews so I am glad you can still review. Thank you.

Abbie - I havent had a chance to read that book but maybe I will check it out. I am sorry this story brings back some unhappy memories for you and I am thankful that even though it is painful for you - you are sticking with the story. Thanks for the review.

Scout - What you are trying to say does make sense. It did seem easy that Russell was sent away too easy and is it really that easy? Maybe / Maybe not - Quinn didnt have to answer any questions in court because instead of facing more charges (there were several more counts of rape he could have been tried for) Russell decided to plead guilty in hopes that he would get a lesser sentence - which did not happen - but he thought it might - and so Quinn did not have to testify against her father - she only gave a victim impact statement. Santana and Noah stepping up for Quinn was amazing. Thank you for reviewing and I am hoping that it cleared up your question.

Taylor - Quinn is now starting to think of Shelby as her mom, a real loving mom, but she has had 16 years with the monster of a mother so it is really hard for her. And you can see the confusion when she doesnt know where she will be in 2 years. Does she really think that Shelby or any of the Corcoran's will allow her to be a stripper? The Corcoran's accept her as a daughter, sibling, granddaughter, niece so they will pay for her college degree as they would their own. You will see what will happen to Judy in this chapter. I promise you. Thanks for the review.

Anna - You will see what happens to Judy and to some extent Frannie in this chapter. This was planned from almost the beginning of the story so it has been a long time coming. Rambling is certainly allowed in reviews. Thank you for reviewing.

Filmaddict - Joey is special to me and I am glad people like her because sometimes it is hard to write OC's. You will definitely see in this chapter if Joey has had any effect on Judy. The stuff Joey said to Judy had to be said and should have been said a lot early probably not in a public store but Judy should have been confronted years ago by many people. Thank you for liking Joey as much as I do. Holly is a much needed distraction and also the kids have been away from school for a while and they do have to go back very soon so this is much needed for all of them. Thanks for the review.

alopez208- Thank you for your patience with me. I apologize because sometimes I try so hard to get the chapters out on a consistent basis but one thing or another gets me distracted. Sometimes I start writing one thing and it leads to something unexpected so it causes a delay. Thank you so much much for following me and enjoying this story. It inspires me to keep writing.

OTHangels - Thanks!

Cookie07 - Rachel is still Rachel and I hope she never loses that and because its my story she will not. San would never consider herself as brave because there has been so many times that she feels that she has not stepped up (even though that is not true) but she will learn in counseling and by growing up that she is truly one brave little girl. Tina Cohen Chang - who's that ? (just kidding) underused in the show and not yet used in my story - hmmmmm. Shelby is human and she is cracking a little but she is strong and in my story she will remain strong. Thanks for the review.

Drea LuRuiz - Lots did happen in the chapter but this chapter has a lot more happening. Sorry I made you cry. It actually made my beta cry as well and she knows the story and where it is going and what happens. Will being out is not good for anyone. Thanks for reviewing the story.

snowdrop1026 - Thank you so much I am glad you are enjoying the story as much. The kind of mother that Judy is one with no maternal instinct, no moral compass and a person that holds very little self worth. Unfortunately, there are actually mothers in this world that do this too. I am actually glad that you can not wrap your head around this kind of person - no one should be able to. I hope to show in this story and the sequel I have planned that despite all of these things that have happened this family will persevere. There will certainly more bumps and bruises along the way but they will all make it out ok - especially the girls. You will have more Frannie and Judy in this chapter as well. Quinn did get a small degree of closure but the hill is still very very steep for this girl. The wounds for her are still wide open and just because her father is locked away the damage is severe. Thanks for reviewing.

Fangirl44 - Yes you are right - Yay for him going to jail but Quinn is far from ok - but she will work on that! Thanks for the review.

blueaske - Wow impressive - 3 days 4 hours of sleep each night - wow. I am sorry that all that happened to you. I am glad though this story has helped you in some sort of way. As you can see, #1 you persevered but the scars are still there 23 years later. They may fade but they are there and they run deep. However, be proud of yourself you are a true survivor. Thank you for sharing a piece of you and I am truly honored by your words.

Ninjagleek21- Thank you for sending Russell back - but I do need some help with Will so I will be calling on you very soon to help me get him back where he belongs. Thanks as always for the cookies.

look4me - You will see more of Frannie in this chapter. It maybe good it may be bad but it is in here just the same. I am not a Frannie fan though. Quinn letting Joey in is huge in terms of Quinn growing with this family. Yes she has let Shelby, Rachel, San and Noah in but to let Joey in is very big. Quinn is with the Corcorans for the long run. Even if she wanted out - which she doesn't - they would never let her go at this point it would be like giving up on one of their own kids. Sorry about the wait but I had a great bday and my bestie from home came to visit and we had a great time. I do hope though it will be the longest wait any of you will have to endure for this story because I missed writing this story. Thanks for the review.

marinka4 - You will see more of Russell, Judy and Frannie in this chapter sorry but they are still not well liked. San and Noah were very brave and you should be proud. Holly will help all the kids and she will be really good for Rachel. Shelby will hold it together because she is very strong but she will also have help along the way. Thank you for your review.

AC one - Thank you. Holly is a breath of fresh air. The girls know that Noah is there for them always he just has to feel it. I am glad you enjoyed this chapter.

bornthisway0201 - Wow a nice long review! Rachel has taken a lot and she will be continuously going through a lot emotionally but will we see if he harms her anymore (I can't give that away) but you will find out soon I promise I won't drag it out. Britt is San's calming force right now but she can't lean on her too much even though Britt will be there for her. She needs to be able to calm herself for a long term relationship to work but trust me they are end game in my story so no worries there. Quinn is a lost sole right now. She has some really tough times ahead and she will struggle but now she has the love and support of family so it will be hard but she will get there. Shelby will succeed. She is a strong driven woman. Noah is the brother that everyone should have. The girls know that Noah just has to believe that in himself. I love your reviews and I completely understand that people don't review every chapter (although I do love them and feed off of them) Thank you so much for your continued support.

Ryoko05 - Thank you for reviewing. Holly is the breath of fresh air that is needed. She is the first person other than the Pierces and the therapists that these kids have been interacting with outside of family. It gives them a little piece of normalcy back. Shelby's breakdown albeit brief and a dream shows that she is human and doing her best but she herself will have lapses as well. Russell will hopefully die in prison. He got the sentence he deserved. Will being loose is very disconcerning for everyone but he will be caught soon enough. Suzy Peppers has no friends and a non supportive family she fell into Will's trap. But you are correct she is an accomplice at this point.

Jamison08 - Here is the next one - glad you enjoyed ! Thank you

TommyH - Yes Russell is in jail for a long long time. Thanks

solyane1 - Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you enjoy this update too. I am glad you had a chance to catch up.

broadwaybound2016 - I am so happy you love this story. I hope you like what is coming up it was something planned from the very beginning and it is finally coming to fruition. Thank you for reviewing.

…..

Shelby wiped her hands on a dish towel and looked into the family room. The kids were quietly watching television. Rachel was curled into Santana's side. The small girl bit her finger idly as she held her stuffed monkey tightly with her other arm.

"Stop that," Quinn nudged from Rachel's other side pushing Rachel's hand away from her face forcing her to cease biting on her finger like a toddler.

"Leave her be," Santana muttered.

Shelby was concerned from them. She wasn't sure how to tackle the issues. She wasn't sure where to begin. She felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders with Russell being put away, but she felt like she was missing

"They're okay," Joey said coming behind her sister. Shelby jumped slightly and gave a tiny smile. She returned to the sink. "How are you? How's it going upstairs?" Shelby asked turning to Joey. "Did Mom kill Dad?"

Joey smiled. "There's some swearing and groaning but they're getting there." She rolled her eyes. "It's Mom and Dad and Noah are up there. They're all butting heads about the directions and Mom is muttering about how Ikea is better." She looked at her watch. "Bear was supposed to be here. It's past seven so I don't know where he is." She shrugged. "Did Quinn react to the bed?"

"Well, she kinda smirked," Shelby shook her head. "Of all the things on her mind, she explained to me that changing beds was a small insignificant change. And of course, she protested and said we shouldn't have put in the time and effort."

Joey smiled. "Of course." She paused and watched the girls in the living room.

"This is stupid, San, change the channel," Quinn whined as Santana stopped at some vampire show.

"We're not watching Sci Fi crap," Santana mumbled. Santana looked at her with frown. "You're a nerd. A huge one, don't pretend not to be."

Quinn frowned but felt Rachel leaned into her.

"You're not a nerd," Rachel said quietly looking up at her.

"Yes, she is," Santana fired.

The phone rang interrupting their thoughts. As Shelby picked it up, Bear came through the door tiredly.

"Hey there," Joey said kissing him softly. She pushed away and rested her hand on her chest. "What's wrong with your face?"

His frown was etched deep in his brow. She followed his gaze. He was staring at Shelby. "What's your problem, cowboy?" she asked again quietly.

"I uh... I need to talk to her..." he said quietly. "But first where's Rach? Is Quinn alright? I heard about Russell."

Joey scowled. "What's going on? They're in the living room."

She watched with a frown as her husband strode quickly into the living room. His steps were heavy and full of purpose. The three girls looked up at him confusedly when he came to an abrupt stop.

"Are you alright?" Santana asked with a glower.

Bear teetered his weight from foot to foot and looked at the girls. He opened his mouth to ask something but stepped forward and picked Rachel up gently, lifted her into the air. She let out a small sequel but hugged him back. Her feet dangled above the ground. She rested her head and hand on his shoulder as he hugged her.

Joey frowned from the other room as her tough husband held Rachel tightly. There were tears in his eyes, but they remain unshed. What was going on?

He set Rachel down gently on the couch. He started to stand up but Rachel cupped his face. "What's wrong?" Her young brow furrowed and her worn eyes searched his. He put his hands over her small ones and smiled.

He shook his head. "Nothin'," he lied. He turned to Quinn. He gave her a knowing smile. They both knew what had happened at court, but he wasn't sure what to say. "Want a hug too?"

She smirked but shook her head. "I'm good," she said with a slight laugh.

Bear stood and looked at Santana. "Don't even think about it," Santana said continuing to channel surf.

He slowly made his way back to the kitchen as he loosened his tie and headed into the room. "What is going on?" Joey asked her husband with her hand on her hips.

He shook his head. "We had a lead on Will," he said quietly. "But I'll wait to tell Shel."

"No, you'll tell me first," Joey said with a forceful tone.

Bear shook his head. "No, I should really wait for -"

"No," Joey pushed again. "This has been a long ass day for us, and clearly it has been for you and it's more than just a lead. So I will do the filtering of this information for my little sister so tell me."

He watched with concern as Shelby continued to quietly yet angrily speak into the phone as she paced in the hallway. He took Joey's hand and opened the pantry door and motioned in.

"No, you cannot distract me with sex, Lawrence!" she hissed.

He frowned. "We are not … " He shook his head. "We're going to talk privately. The girls are in the next room and I don't want them to hear."

Joey eyed him suspiciously, but walked into the pantry. They closed the door and Joey folded her arms. "Spit it out."

He shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck. "They questioned Suzy Pepper today and discovered that she has stolen her father's credit card for that bastard. She's in custody right now."

"Where the hell are her parents?"

Bear shook his head and shrugged. "Not paying attention." He looked at the cereals on the shelf. "Poor girl. She doesn't know what she's doing. She needed someone to pay attention to her and sadly, the only one who did was him."

Joey tightened her arms. "Okay...Fine... So did you catch him?"

Bear shook his head. "No," he muttered.

"What happened then? It's almost eight o'clock. You rarely work this late."

He frowned. "I had to be there," he said staring at the bin of flour remembering how much of a mess they would make when the kids were younger and they would make cookies . He wanted so desperately to make cookies.

"Bear?" she asked bringing him out of his daze.

"I am helping with the investigation," he said lowly. "There were some purchases made …." he looked at his wife with hesitation.

She frowned. "What did he buy?" He continued to frown in silence "What did he buy?" she hissed more loudly.

"Suzy order a tub for him that was delivered today." Joey frowned in confusion but he continued. "He bought a shovel and rope from Home Depot." He watched as Joey began to connect the dots and her face fell. "His last purchase was through another website, but it was delivered to Suzy's house..." He paused.

"What was it?..." she whispered.

"It was an electric saw," he said finally.

She shook her head and wiped her tears furiously. "We can't tell, Shelby."

"What?" He asked with a frown.

"She's already having bad dreams over this. We can't explain to her that not only was he not caught but he's buying items to …. kill her..." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "You just know what he bought but you haven't been able to find him or the items."

"We intercepted the saw and the tub but …." he shook his head. "If he gets her, he's going to kill her..."

Joey looked at him ready to protest and say otherwise; however, she couldn't find it in her.

"What are you doing?" Shelby asked suddenly from the other side of the door. "We keep our food in there, you know?"

Joey sighed and glared at him and then walked out.

"What's up?" Joey asked ignoring Shelby's annoyed look.

Shelby shrugged. "That damn ADA is insisting that he stops by tonight. The Captain, too. I just... I don't understand why it can't wait until morning." She looked at Bear. "Do you?"

Bear looked at her with a frown as if he knew.

"Mom?" Santana called from the other room.

Shelby sighed and walked past her brother-in-law.

"This stupid dog won't leave us alone," Santana said holding Charlie out to her mother.

"Under normal circumstances you would be walking this dog," she said sharply. Rachel looked at her with a frown. Shelby realized her mistake. "But I will do it. It's late. You girls should stay inside."

"Can I come?" Rachel asked, hoping that it wasn't her.

Shelby noticed Bear step forward into the room. "No," she answered eyeing her brother in law. She walked back into the kitchen and pulled the man with her. "You're coming with me to walk this dumb dog."

Bear sighed and started to follow his sister in law out. He looked back briefly at his wife as she glared at him, warning him to keep his mouth shut. He sighed and pulled the door closed behind him.

"What the hell is going on?" Shelby hissed as they stepped into the backyard. She pushed a plastic bag in her hand. "I can't stand these looks, Bear. I am stressed enough. Quinn is exhausted. Santana and Noah want so badly to be needed. And Rach..." Bear looked at the woman she stared down at the ground. "I … I can't take you looking at me like that...like I can't handle this... so tell me."

He sighed and picked up the dog's mess. He took a deep breath, trying to form his words, knowing that she needed to hear it from him first.

"I have something to tell you, Shel," he started slowly as he stood.

"What the hell?" he heard her mutter. He looked up. There were three squad cars that could be seen from the back, Shelby was looking around to the front of the house as another one pulled in. "Why are there so many cops here?" She looked slowly at him. "What happened?"

"Mrs. Corcoran," Captain Marshall called as he was escorted up the driveway. "We need to talk."

It took approximately ten long seconds after the Captain's explanation to gather all of her thoughts. It took her ten seconds to put it together. Today, she put one monster away. Today, she had held one daughter as she sobbed at the life that she was leaving behind and attempt to survive and accept that. She couldn't even get a solace from knowing that Russell Fabray was away. She didn't get the opportunity to find the light at that tunnel before this bomb was dropped on her and her family.

"So," she said carefully. "You're telling me that not only is he out there but he's planning on catching her. He is planning on... He has plans."

The men nodded.

She nodded and rolled her lips together slowly. "I can't... I don't... I don't know how to make them feel safe or to make it better. I can't..." She looked at them. "He'll hurt them. He hurt Rachel as well as Quinn..." She hardened her glare. "You need to find him," she said slowly. "You need to put that fucking bastard away." She steeled her gaze at Bear and the Captain. "She doesn't sleep. None of them do..." She shook her head. "She shakes when I hold her... When I have to change her." She shook her head. "I have to change her... because she hurts so bad she can't do it herself. Find him."

"We will do our best- " he began.

"NO! You will find him!"

Bear wrapped his arms around Shelby. "Alright," he muttered. "Alright."

…..

Santana finished brushing her teeth and spit out the toothpaste. She wiped her mouth with the towel and walked into Quinn's room. The girl was leaning against the doorframe staring at the new bed.

"Well, that's... interesting," Santana said looking at the loft bed.

Quinn shrugged. "She said that it would help."

Santana scoffed. "Do you think that?" She shrugged. "Yeah... that Mom of our knows how to think outside of the box." She noticed the flicker in her face. "Okay."

"Maybe," the blonde answered the question thoughtfully. "I slept really well in Florida."

"It was also in Florida," Santana countered. She looked back at the bed with a frown. "Are you okay?" she asked more quietly.

Quinn looked at her quickly and then paused. "What do you think?"

"I think you don't know if you should be relieved or thankful or whatever," Santana said quietly.

The blonde frowned. "I -" She searched for her words. "I know... I know he can't get to me anymore... but he still does," she muttered. "In his own way."

Santana looked at her with sure eyes. "He won't, Quinn. You have me now." She looked away. "And this fancy new bed apparently."

Quinn gave a tiny chuckle. "Apparently."

….

Shelby toweled Rachel's wet hair as she sat on her bed.

"Do you want me to braid it?"

Rachel shook her head and reached for her princess pajamas.

"No, bug, those are too old," Shelby said reaching for another pants and shirt set and offering them to her daughter. Shelby was shaking slightly. Her kid was never going to wear those damn princess shoes ever again. "Or do you want a nightgown."

"I want those," she said with a frown.

"No, sweetheart," Shelby said pushing the image out of her head of Rachel in the pajamas. "Don't pout, bug. It's not attractive." she sighed. "Now, let's get the cream on and then get you to bed."

Rachel shook her head. "I don't... I don't want to."

"Rachel, we are not fighting this," Shelby said. "Additionally, you have an appointment tomorrow to get checked out."

The girl began to tear up. "I don't want to do that."

"I know you don't," Shelby said. "We need to."

Rachel frowned and looked at her hands. "Mumma, I don't want to do that. I'm fine... I promise."

Shelby cupped Rachel's face. "You need to listen to your body, Rachel. I've been helping you. You're raw and I know you're hurting."

Shelby knew. She had raised her children. She had been there changing diapers. Diaper rashes and all of that. Even after she got the kids back, this wasn't as bad as it had been back then, but it was bad enough.

Rachel looked down again with Shelby's hands still on her face. "Why... Why did he choose me?" she whispered. "Couldn't it have been anyone else?"

Shelby frowned. "I don't know, bug. No one deserves that."

"He was nice to me," Rachel whispered. "He paid attention to me … and then he... He changed." She looked up at her mother. "I was stupid, right?"

"No," Shelby said pulling her into her arms. "Not at all." She thought for a moment. "Sweetheart, do you think we don't listen to you? Don't give you freedom?"

Rachel shrugged. "I used to... but... but now... I …. It's not that."

"Well, what is it?"

"I think," she whispered. "I want to be on my own more than I want freedom."

"What's the difference?" Shelby asked with an amused grin.

Rachel thought for a moment as she tightened her towel. "The difference is," she muttered. "I don't want to be this girl forever... and it feels like I've been her... but pretending not to be."

"What do you mean?"

She looked up at her mother with big eyes. "I don't want to spend my life pretending I'm okay."

"You don't have to, Rachel," Shelby frowned. "Have you been?"

Rachel shrugged. "Maybe," she looked up at her mother. "Like I was playing a part."

Shelby nodded. "Promise me that you'll try your best to be you, okay or not."

Rachel looked up at her mother. There was a pain in her mother's eyes that was becoming increasingly stronger over the past few days. She refused to add to it.

"I promise," she muttered.

"I love you," Shelby whispered.

"I love you, too," she smiled.

"Please lay down and I'll put on this cream."

Rachel whimpered and leaned back.

Shelby sighed and began to put the cream on. Her heart ached every time she saw how scratched, bruised and raw her young daughter still was. There were still handprints on the inside of her thighs as well as scratches and bruises. She paused. He was going to kill her. He was going to … Her thoughts trailed off.

"Mumma?" she asked as Shelby put the cream on slowly. "I'm sorry that this makes you so sad."

Shelby looked at her softly. "Don't be, Rachel," she smiled. "You just need to take care of yourself, okay?"

Rachel nodded and tried unsuccessfully to hold back her tears as the applicator went in. After a few long minutes, Shelby finished and helped Rachel get dressed. Rachel's tears were running down her cheeks without apology but she wasn't sobbing.

"Where would you like to sleep tonight?" Shelby asked as she rocked Rachel gently.

Rachel shrugged. "Sanny," she muttered. Her eyes bulged. "Does she not want me to?"

"No," Shelby assured. "Come on. Let's get you to bed."

Rachel walked across the hall and into Santana's room. She followed the voices through bathroom and into Quinn's room.

"Woah," she said with big eyes.

"What do you think?" Noah asked from the door from the hallway.

"Thanks," Quinn said with a smile.

Noah shrugged. "It's fine."

"Is this because she sleeps in the corner?" Rachel asked candidly.

"Yup," Noah grinned.

"Shut it," Santana said with a frown.

"What if she falls out?" Rachel asked.

"She won't, bug," Santana assured. "She slept on the top bunk before."

Santana nodded and led Rachel out into her room. They curled into Santana's bed. Santana closed her eyes with a heavy sigh and her arm protectively around her.

"Santana?" Rachel asked pulling the older girl from the verge of sleep. "Quinn's okay, right?" she paused. "I mean...Her dad got put away."

"He's not her dad, Rach," she spat.

"Oh," she whispered.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Silence fell on them again.

"Santana?"

"What?"

"Is he going to come to the house?"

"What?" Santana asked now wide awake.

"He's out...is he …. will he..." Santana pulled Rachel closer as she trembled in her sleep.

"I promise you that I will not let him hurt you." Her voice was pointed and forceful. "You don't have to worry about that."

Rachel turned and looked at him with a frown. "I have to..."

"Rachel," Santana said, cupping her younger sister's face gently. "I promise you. He will not hurt you again. Not ever."

Rachel hitched her breath. "I have to have another exam tomorrow... Mom was crying today when she was helping me." She let out a tiny sob. "What if … What if... He comes back?"

"He won't. I promise, okay?"

Rachel curled into her sister. "You can't promise that."

"And why not?" she asked amused.

"Because you can't control the world," she whispered.

Santana kissed her softly. "I control our world," she muttered. "You're going to be okay. I promise you."

Rachel yawned and let her eyes close, knowing that there was little control left.

…...

Shelby poured the coffee into her cup. The sun was barely in the sky, but she couldn't sleep. There was something coming. She was too much on the edge of her seat. She spent most of the night moving from the kids' rooms checking if they were okay. Coffee. All she needed was coffee.

Joey rolled into the house exhausted. "I want coffee." She shook her head. "Also, I'm going to talk to all those policemen out there. They should have coffee."

"You're walking into my house and you didn't bring coffee?"

"If you don't remember," Joey said snidely. "You pawned off our mother on me. So no... there was no coffee but-"

"We brought breakfast!" Helen said coming through the door with bagels and muffins.

Michael followed behind her and held up a bag of groceries. "And juice and yogurt."

Joey frowned at Shelby. "But no coffee." She leaned forward and took Shelby's coffee mug. "Plus, my husband decided to sleep with your couch instead of me... So,..." she sipped the coffee with a content sigh. "You owe me this coffee."

Shelby glared but took the coffee. "Your husband is still snoring on the couch. Go wake him up." Joey dragged her body into the living room. "This is a rated G household, Joanne!" Shelby called after her.

Joey raised her hand dismissing her.

"So," Helen asked with a smile. "How did the bed work out?"

Shelby shook her head and smiled. "Yes, mother, you were right. Q-Bear slept through the night." The mother smiled. "I checked on her about every two hours. I even poked her to make sure she wasn't faking it."

Helen laughed and set a plate of food in front of her. "I'm always right, Shelby. It's an obnoxious fact, but it's true. It's like a goldfish can survive more than 24 hrs in a tank of human blood or bilirubin is what makes your feces brown. Or the fact that elephants are the only mammal with knees that can not jump OR King Louis XIV was nicknamed the "The Sun God." Facts. Silly facts. And-"

"Thank you, mother," Shelby said dryly. "Your knowledge is necessary and important."

Charlie began to bark with excitement. "Shut up, Charlie," Joey called from the other room.

Rachel entered the kitchen with a yawn. She passed her mother as Shelby leaned down, kissing her softly on the top of the head. Rachel continued to walk. She knelt down on the floor and took the dog in her arms. She looked up at her mother with a small smile. "Can we walk Charlie, Mumma?"

Shelby gave her daughter a smile. "Maybe later, Rach," she said softly. "You need to go to your appointment this morning."

Rachel deflated and continued to pet the dog. "Oh... Yeah..."

"Are the others awake?" Shelby asked trying to distract her.

The eleven year old shook her head. "No," she said. "Santana mumbled words that weren't words and then she rolled over. So maybe she's half awake." She looked at her mother with a frown. "Maybe."

Shelby laughed. "You feeling okay?" Rachel nodded.

There was a hard knock on the door. Shelby felt that feeling in her stomach. She put on a smile. "Why don't you go upstairs and shower, okay?"

Rachel smiled. "By myself?"

"You don't think you can?" Shelby asked with a smile, forcing it to stay in place.

The knock was hit harder this time. Shelby felt her heartbeat race. She wondered if Rachel could hear it. She looked at her, begging her face to stay smiling. Come on, Rachel she pleaded silently.

"Okay," Rachel nodded, looking at the door. "Are we going to see who's at the door first?"

Shelby forced a smile even more. "Not if you want hot water. Your brother and sisters are going to wake up soon and will want hot water." She arched a brow. "Your choice."

Rachel smiled and started slowly up the stairs with the dog in her arms. "Rachel Barbra," Helen called out. "You are not going to bathe with a dog."

There was a knock again. Rachel frowned and handed her mother the dog. "Mumma, you should answer the door before they break the door down."

Shelby tried not to crumble at the irony, knowing the possibility of what the news would be based on the current circumstances.

"Thanks, bug," she smiled. She watched at Rachel disappeared up the stairs. She looked at her mother. "Will you-"

"I'll go make sure that she gets things done and round up the troops," Helen finished. "You figure out who's banging down the door."

Shelby took a deep breath and opened the door. The Captain stood there with Jackie from CPS. Oh god, were they taking her children?

"Um..." Shelby began. "Can I help you?"

"Did you watch the news this morning?" the Captain asked.

Shelby frowned. "No." If she were sane, she would have invited them in, but she forgot and continued to ask, "What's going on?"

Jackie took a deep breath. "Judy Fabray died early this morning."

This was not what she was expecting. She turned back and looked into the house and saw that Joey and Bear were standing in the doorway behind her.

She finally invited them into the house and into the study. Shelby closed the door behind her.

"Explain to me what … what happened..." she said first. Joey was leaning against the bookshelf with her arms folded. Bear was sitting on the sofa with a frown.

The Captain took a breath. "She got behind the wheel, I suspect to get more alcohol and … she crashed. They brought her to the hospital but her injuries were too severe."

Shelby nodded. "So she was intoxicated."

The captain nodded. "Yes, it probably just all got to her."

"It's been getting to her for awhile," Joey said quietly but with a sharp tone from behind them.

Jackie nodded. "There was probably vicodin and oxycotin in her system."

Shelby nodded numbly. "I...She's gone?" She shook her head. She looked over at the Captain. He nodded confirming it. "I'm glad she felt something... I mean -"

"Shut up, Shelby," Joey snapped. "None of us could have known what she was thinking." She shook her head and started out of the room. "None of us."

Shelby watched her older sister go with a sigh. "I don't know how to tell Quinn this... I don't know what this will do to her." She took a breath. "Who's handling the arrangements? Is there going to be a funeral?"

"Russell is being told today as well but he cannot plan the services so...Her will is being reviewed and there will be an autopsy. I suspect the service will the be the day after tomorrow." The Captain looked at Jackie. "There are some things that Judy's lawyer will contact you about."

"Actually," Jackie interrupted. "There won't be a service. I know that." The other adults looked at her in surprise. "Judy didn't want one. There won't be a service. There may be a burial, but not a formal service. She was clear on that."

Shelby straightened. "Do I need to be worried? I mean Quinn is in custody of the state. She won't be taken away right?"

"No, she won't," Jackie said. "The lawyer will contact you because apparently there were some recent changes in the will."

"That hurt Quinn or favored her?"

Captain sighed. "We can't say, but-"

"I need you to tell me that my child won't be taken away."

"She won't be given to anyone in the Fabray family unless they go through the dependency process. It's complicated but based on what we know, we're not just going to hand Quinn over to them without a fight and especially without a judge's consent as well as Quinn's." Jackie sighed. "You and I both know that if she was in a group home or bouncing around we would push her to get out of the system and just go to independent living but … we can talk about what you and Quinn want in the near future. However, there's no question that this will be her home as long as you'll have her."

"I'll never give her up," Shelby said quietly. "I'll tell her this morning after breakfast." She sighed. "So she'll attend the burial or whatever service that will be held if she wishes." She looked at the captain. "You'll make sure that she's safe. I expect the best security. My other children will probably wish to attend."

Jackie nodded. "Russell may want to attend. However, they might not let him. So Frannie and I believe a great aunt may attend. We can consider and arrange a time that Quinn can say goodbye separately from the family members. Based on the history."

"Okay... Well, let me know. I'll let you know when I figure out Quinn's reaction. I need to see where she is first. She's my number one priority in dealing with Judy. Nothing else."

Shelby stood. She wasn't sure what she felt, but she knew it was partly relief.

….

Helen walked through the hallway carrying some dirty clothes. "I'm serious, Santana," she called. "Get that perfectly round ass out of that bed! I mean it!" She peeked into Noah's room. "You, sir, must clean up this room before you shower. And by clean, young man, I mean I want to see this floor. Also, get an air freshener from downstairs. When I said get up, Noah, I meant that you had to stand up, not just sit up." She stopped at Quinn's room. "Quinn, I mean it. I'm grateful you've slept, but you are not a zombie. Get up!" Finally, the grandmother stopped at Rachel's door and walked in. "Bug, you are not wearing that." Rachel looked down at her outfit. "You are not wearing tights and a skirt. We are doing tutoring there is no need to dress up."

"Nana, I'm not," she frowned with a stomp. "This is what I wear."

"No," Helen said handing Rachel sweatpants.

Rachel's eye bulged. "I will not look like a bum!"

"You are not a bum, Rachel Barbra Corcoran. And you will not refer to homeless individuals as bums either. You are healing and you have an appointment. Put on the sweats."

Rachel pouted and shook her head. "No."

"Fine. Jeans or sweats, Rachel. That's all the wiggle room you're getting." Helen tilted her head. "Do you need me to change you?"

Rachel's face fell. "No, Nana."

"That's what I thought. You have ten minutes to finish up and get downstairs."

Helen closed the door and walked into the hallway. Joey was leaning against the bathroom door with a heavy sigh.

"What's wrong?" Helen asked setting the pile of dirty clothes on the table. "I mean it, Santana! Ass out of bed now!"

"Nana! Don't swear!" Rachel yelled from her room.

"Stop yelling!" Noah groaned from behind his door.

"Shut up all of you!" Quinn screamed.

Helen turned back to her daughter. "So grateful that I only had two. You were crazy and Shelby was... nuts but... still four? Really?" She turned back to the door and opened Santana's door. "Santana Louise Corcoran, if you do not get your butt out of bed you are scrubbing toilets with a Q-Tip."

"I'm up, Nana!" Santana screamed.

Helen turned back to Joey. "What's wrong?"

Joey leaned forward quietly. "Judy's dead."

Helen frowned. "What?"

Joey shook her head as her eyes began to water. She walked hurriedly toward the attic stairs in Shelby's bedroom closet. She breathed deeply and sat heavily on the stairs. Her breath trembled.

"I … I … I saw her at the grocery store," she nodded. "I said terrible things to her." She looked at her mother. "and I'm not sorry, and I know …. I know that they got to her... I …. I've hated her for so long and what she did to that little girl. And I... I'm not sorry, Mom." she said with a sob. She muffled it with her hand. "It's not just about right or wrong... It's just... She used to be Judy and one day she wasn't."

Helen wrapped her arms around her gently. She rubbed her back. "Do you remember the last fight you had as friends?"

Joey scoffed. "Yeah. She just stopped talking to me...She just... stopped..."

Helen scoffed. "Do you remember what you two did?"

Joey frowned and searched her memory. She gave deep breath and a scoff that was inappropriate for the time. "We got caught smoking pot."

Helen nodded. "You did." She nodded. "Judy was a sad a girl. She always was and you gave her a little bit of joy. But that day... I tried to calm her parents but her father... was so angry..."

Joey frowned remembering. "That was before the summer." She looked at the ground. "He sent her away. When she came back, she was dating Russell."

"You kept bugging her until she threw a slushie at you at lunch in front of the school."

Joey nodded at the memory. "Yeah that sucked."

Helen nodded. "It's not about saving people, Jo," she smiled. "You blamed yourself for months. Remember? And …. Life is funny and then sometimes it's not." She looked at Joey. "It's really not." She pulled Joey into a hug. "I'm sorry that you and Judy lost each other."

Joey leaned against her mother. "Me too." She sniffled. "Me too."

…..

Shelby took a deep breath. She shook her head and walked into the kitchen. Rachel was sitting in Noah's lap as they all ate food.

"Rachel," Shelby called. "Sit next to him, not on him please."

The tiny brunette moved off of her brother's lap and next to Santana. The older brunette looked at Quinn who was rolling her eyes and just drowning her cereal in milk but not eating any of it.

"Quinn," Shelby said casually. "After you finish up here meet me in the study please."

"You're in trouble," Noah smirked.

"Shut your face," Quinn sneered, throwing a piece of soggy cereal at the boy.

"Quinn, no throwing food at the table," Shelby said from the island.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked from next to Santana.

Santana followed her gaze. "Yeah," she said with a frown. "You look worse... than uh... you just …."

"Digging yourself a hole," Quinn muttered.

"Clearly," Noah chuckled. "What are we doing today? When does the blond lady come?"

"Names, Noah. People have names for a reason," Helen said from the island.

"I watched a documentary on the Holocaust and there were several nameless individuals," Rachel said with a nonchalant shrug. The family looked at her with a frown. "I watched it awhile ago... Not recently. On the History Channel."

Bear chuckled "Okay, bug."

"We'll clean up here," Santana said watching her mother as she noticed Joey enter the room wiping her tears.

Quinn shrugged and followed Shelby into the study. "What's going on?"

Shelby licked her lips and sat down on the couch. "Come sit with me."

The blonde frowned at her. "Did he change his mind or something? Is he out... What's going on?"

"Come sit down, Quinn," she pushed.

The folded her arms and shook her head. "No..." She frowned. "What's going on?"

Shelby nodded. She just needed to say it. "Quinn, it's about your mother."

The blonde's eyes darted around the room. "What did she do?"

Shelby took a deep breath. "She um..." She blinked. "Quinn, please sit down."

"No," she said sharply.

Shelby nodded. She wasn't taken aback but simply tired. Quinn saw this and softened, but kept her frown.

"What's going on? Explain it to me," she said forcefully. "You've never... " She shook her head and paused. "You've always been honest with me."

Shelby nodded. "I have."

Quinn nodded. "So say it."

The mother nodded. "Okay," she said softly. She stood and approached her. She rubbed Quinn's tightly folded arms. "Quinn, your mother died this morning." The girl didn't react other than her eyes getting minisculely bigger. "There was a car accident. She was intoxicated and … she had most likely had some pills in her system..."

Quinn's aged eyes looked at her with frown.

"Quinn?"

The blond nodded. The doorbell made her turn and look at the door.

"Okay," Quinn said with dry eyes. "Okay." She looked at the door again. "Probably Holly. I don't want to fall behind. May I leave?"

Shelby took a deep breath. She didn't know what she was expecting from Quinn, but she knew that she wasn't sure if she would have expected this. However, her children always surprised her. She needed to let Quinn do this in her own time.

"Absolutely," she nodded.

The girl started to walk away.

"Sweetheart," Shelby called. Quinn stopped and turned, her face still unreadable. "The funeral is the probably the day after tomorrow. I would be happy to go with you if you'd like."

Quinn shrugged. "I should go," she nodded. "Okay."

Shelby nodded. "There's no right way or wrong way to grieve about this, Quinn."

The blonde shrugged. "There could be."

"There isn't." The mother smiled.

"May I go do my work?"

Shelby nodded. She paused. "Quinn?" The girl turned and looked at her once again. "Would you like to tell the others?"

Quinn shook her head. "No," she said briefly. "You can."

The mother nodded. "Absolutely. They'll want to be there for you...They uh..."

"I know that they've done this before, bury a parent... but... you and I both know it's not the same..." Quinn looked back at the door. "May I be excused? I really want to see San and Noah's presentations."

Shelby nodded. "Sure." Quinn opened the door. "Quinn," she called out again. The girl paused. "I love you."

The blonde smiled the tiniest smile. "I know. Thank you."

Quinn frowned and walked into the dinning room where everyone was set up waiting for Noah and Santana to change. Holly looked through the folders of work. Brittany was sitting next to Rachel braiding her hair. The blonde's eyes filled with concern when she spotted Quinn. Quinn shook her head.

"Goodness, shortstuff, you really _do_ go above and beyond, don't you?" Holly smiled looking at Rachel's work.

"She does," Quinn said, sitting on Rachel's other side avoiding Brittany's eyes.

"Holly, may I speak with you?"

The blonde teacher nodded and followed Shelby into the study.

"What happened?" Rachel asked looking up at Quinn.

Quinn looked over at Brittany with a set jaw telling her to be silent.

"Nothing for you to worry about," she said keeping her gaze set with Brittany.

"It's not nothing," Brittany said gently looking at Quinn.

"What's nothing?" Rachel asked looking up at the girls.

"Something was on the news this morning," Brittany started.

Rachel looked up at Quinn and then back at Brittany. "About her dad going to jail?" She looked at the older girls. "My sister doesn't want to talk about that," Rachel said shortly to Brittany. "It's simply something you don't talk about casually," she looked at her hands and then back towards the direction Santana had disappeared to, "Santana doesn't talk about Papa, does she?"

Brittany broke her gaze from Quinn and frowned down at Rachel.

Rachel realized that Brittany was looking at her in confusion. "Oh, I guess she doesn't..." she muttered. She looked up at Quinn. "I proved my point apparently." She shook her head. "I didn't mean to snap, Brittany, but sometimes we just don't like talking."

Brittany nodded and looked up the stairs as Santana came downstairs in her outfit with a scowl. Brittany sighed. "I know that. I'm sorry, Quinn. I understand."

"Where is that blonde banshee," Santana spat. "I am uncomfortable." She looked over at Quinn. "What happened?" she asked, sitting on the arm of the sofa.

"Nothing," Quinn said looking up at Santana and then back over at the other girls. "Nothing at all."

Santana frowned and looked over at Brittany, who simply shook her head.

"Leave her alone," Rachel interrupted. "If she says it's nothing, it's nothing." She looked at Quinn. "Right?"

Quinn smiled at Rachel. "Right."

…..

Shelby nodded towards the door. "So I haven't told the other kids yet, but Quinn wants to get back to the routine."

"And you agree with this?" Holly asked.

"Of course not," she said shortly.

"Well, I agree with Quinn," Holly said. Shelby looked at her with surprise. "Don't be so surprised. We're both in this field. Quinn doesn't know what to think."

"And we need to keep things as normal as possible," Shelby finished. "But expect the unexpected. Absolutely." She took a breath. "Do you have any questions about the …..about Will Schuester's -"

Shelby couldn't find a word but Holly cut her off.

"Escape? Yes, I understand, but we don't want to suffocate Rachel too much and your family tends to do that naturally."

Shelby frowned but nodded. "I understand it might seem that way but you don't know the details of our history."

"That's true. I don't," Holly said sharply. "But I can assure you that you'll have your hands full if you don't give her space."

"I know that," Shelby said. "She has an appointment this afternoon. I need to take her out early. However, she's not getting space until that bastard is caught. Too much is at stake."

Holly frowned. "What do you mean?"

Shelby frowned. "Do I need to spell it out for you?"

Holly met her gaze. "Other than that."

"Isn't that enough?" she asked.

Holly nodded. "You're right. Is there anything else?"

"No," Shelby said quietly.

"They will get through this," Holly paused at the door. "And so will you."

Shelby nodded. "I appreciate all this work, Holly. You need to let me know if you put in more hours than we previously discussed and I'll make sure to comp your time. My children like you and you don't put up with their crap-"

"Shelby, don't thank me," Holly said with a frown. "I went to school, just as you did to deal with the hard stuff. You and I know that this is not the hard stuff, not if we don't let it be."

Shelby nodded and Holly exited the room.

Holly entered the living room. "Alright my little academic comrades," she smiled. "Let's hit the books like donkey kong!"

Rachel frowned. "Who's that?"

"Are we related?" Noah asked turning towards his youngest sister.

Brittany smiled at Rachel. "It's a video game."

"Oh," she frowned. She turned and looked at her brother. "I love your outfit."

"Shut it, mighty mouse." He frowned. "I'm French. I'm wearing a hat. French people wear hats."

Quinn frowned. "You're wearing a winter hat."

"French people wear hats." He repeated.

Holly smiled. "If I don't like your presentation, petit garçon, you'll be doing two tomorrow. That means two costumes and two written reports. And from your absence of costume, you'll be doing two."

Noah looked at his sisters and Brittany. "Can she call me that? GARSEN?"

"It's means little boy, idiot," Quinn grumbled.

"Quinn, no name calling," Michael called from the other room.

Holly smiled. "Rachel here has to go to a super important conference-"

"It's an appointment," she clarified.

"Same difference." She looked at Santana. "So my little rebel, my spit fire, I'm glad you put some thought into your outfit."

Brittany grinned and arched her brow at the brunette. Santana blushed. It was a long skirt and an old shirt of her grandfather's.

"We do not flirt in class," Holly announced. "It is a place of learning unless you plan on giving a presentation on-"

Santana looked at Holly in frustration. "Okay..." she muttered looking at Rachel. "You don't know us," she sneered.

"You're right. I don't, but I'm trying."

Santana huffed in response but looked over at Brittany as she combed her hand through Rachel's hair.

"Rachel, you know what flirting is, right?" Holly asked.

The eleven year old nodded. "Yes, ma'am. We have cable."

The older four looked at her with a frown. "Plus one night we went to find my brother because he missed curfew and he was having sex with his ditzy girlfriend in the back of her shiny Lexus." Santana failed to muffle her snort. Brittany and Quinn didn't even try. "My sisters have a rude name for her because she had digestion problems." Rachel nodded. "I know all about flirting. That's what my sister and Brittany are doing now, but they've done that since I was little so I don't mind. They don't make out in the closet like Noah did with his girlfriend. No pun intended." She looked sheepishly up at her siblings.

"Rachel, that's enough!" Shelby yelled from the kitchen.

The family just looked at Rachel. "It's the jeans. Nana made me wear jeans. I don't feel like I'm in the proper attire to learn..."

"Okay, I can see we need to really get started," Holly said. "Right now everyone take out the math homework that you have been assigned and pass it in." The children huffed and began to collect their work. Holly turned to Rachel who was alternating between pulling at her jeans and trying to smooth them out. "Rachel, why don't you give me all the work that you have and then we will get started with the presentations."

Holly met Shelby's eyes from the other room as Santana stood up and took her place to begin her presentation. The blond gave a reassuring nod before sitting on the couch.

"Alright, spit fire," she said with a smile. "Impress me."

…..

Shelby looked over at Rachel. The little girl was looking quietly out of the window. The mother looked at the driver in the driver's seat. Gus was driving them in an unmarked car to the doctors. The Captain had insisted. Shelby gave Gus a tiny smile. He gave an even tinier smile back. She sighed heavily and turned to look at her daughter. She jumped a little because Rachel was staring back at her pointedly. Her chocolate, honey brown eyes were wide and accusing. She looked over at Gus then sharply back at her mother.

"What are you doing? Are you dating him?" She looked at the man. "Do you like my mother?"

"Rachel," Shelby hissed. "No, okay. No."

The eleven year old frowned. "My mom doesn't date, Officer Gus," she said pointedly. "My sister, Santana will kill you. Quinn and Noah too... but Santana for sure. If you want to keep your clothes clean and your record impeccable which I expect it to be, I-"

"Rachel," Shelby said blushing. "Please, just."

"If you are too uncomfortable, Mom, we can just drive home. I'm feeling fine. Why couldn't Quinn come? Did she need a check up?" Rachel asked hurriedly.

Shelby sighed. "Rachel, this is not an argument or a debate. It's happening. We're in transit so I-"

"Mom, why is Officer Gus driving us?" She frowned. "And there were extra police cars out front …." She looked at Shelby in the eyes. "Why?"

Shelby gulped and looked quickly at Gus and then back at Rachel. "Your uncle wants it, bug. He's worried. He wants what is best for you."

It wasn't exactly a lie, Shelby told herself.

Rachel frowned and looked out the window. "He's always like that. I need to live my life without a detail of security."

Shelby sighed. "Hopefully, you'll never need a detail."

A few moments later Shelby tied the back of Rachel's gown. They had taken her vitals. Shelby's already full mind was now exhausted. Rachel had lost weight. When Will took her from the dance studio, Rachel was ten pounds under for a while. However, now, she was almost twenty pounds under her normal weight and height class. Shelby scanned her mind. Rachel ate breakfast right? She thought about Quinn at Quinn's last doctor's appointment, the five-eight girl was less than twenty pounds under weight. With her muscle mass and height she should at least gain another twenty five pounds to be considered healthy. She squeezed her eyes shut. Her girls aren't eating because they were stressed and scared. She made a mental note. She would make charts. Color coded charts. They would hate it; she herself would hate it. However, it needed to be done because she didn't need to add this to the list.

She looked at her baby girl and gave a weak smile.

"Sweetie, you need to get ready for the exam. You need to take off your underwear," she said gently.

Rachel shook her head. "No, Mumma I'm good..."

Shelby sighed. There was a gentle knock on the door and the doctor came in.

"Hi, Rachel," the doctor smiled.

Rachel leaned into her mother. Shelby frowned. "Rach, you know Dr. Fernandez. She's been your doctor since we moved here."

"Dr. Camy, I don't want to be here," Rachel said leaned into Shelby.

The mother sighed and looked at the family doctor. "Camila, she clearly doesn't want to be here. It's been a long few days for all of us."

The woman nodded. "Alright, well then let's get you in and out of here as soon as possible."

The female doctor looked through the chart. "Okay, Rach..."

Shelby stepped away from her daughter. "She hasn't been wanting to eat. Even more than normal..."

The doctor nodded. "I can see that." She turned to Rachel. "Tell me what's up, kiddo."

She shrugged. "I have things on my mind...And my mom thinks we need to be here to get checked when I just need you to tell her that I don't need the cream..."

Shelby opened her mouth to protest, but the doctor cut off. "Well, I can't say yes or no to anything, Rach until I check you out and you know it." She sighed. "So we can argue, like I know that you Corcorans do best, or you can lay down and let me examine you as you tell me about your new sister Quinn."

Rachel bit her lip and looked at her mother. She leaned back on the table.

"She's blond and she's a cheerleader and -"

"Rachel, you need to take off your underwear," Dr. Fernandez said quietly.

Rachel looked at her mother hesitantly but pulled them off slowly.

The doctor smiled kindly as the girl leaned back again and continued to talk "But even though she's a cheerleader, she's pretty great. She's tough but she's a softy at the same time. Kinda like San."

Rachel continued to quietly talk about Quinn.

"Alright, Rach," she said as she put the gel on the pediatric speculum. "Just try to relax, honey."

The doctor pushed the tiny girl's legs open and began to slowly insert the instrument. Rachel started to close her legs as she cried. Shelby hushed her and kissed away her tears, but soon it moved out of her control.

"Rachel, we can't help you or get out of here if you don't finish this," she said softly.

Rachel squeezed her eyes shut and closed her legs. "No," she cried. "Nonononononono."

Shelby looked at her with a frown. Rachel had struggled through every exam she ever had. However, Shelby had never seen her like this. Not ever. At the hospital, she had cried, but she never fought.

"Please, no," she sobbed. She covered her face with both her hands. "Please," she said muffled.

Shelby looked at Camila who just shook her head indicated that they couldn't do anything until Rachel cooperated. The mother bit her lip and leaned forward to Rachel.

"I need you to lay back and breathe, honey," Shelby said gently. "I need-"

Rachel sobbed and let out a yell that sounded like a scream. "No!" She used her feet to push her to the top of the paper covered exam table. "No! No! Please! Please! No!"

The mother nodded, realizing what was going on. Rachel wasn't here. She wasn't in this moment. "Rachel," she tried again with her gentle voice. "Rachel, open your eyes and look at me. We are going to get through this."

"Nononono!" Rachel sobbed, she continued to cover her face. Shelby could see that she was shaking. This was similar to tantrums that all three of the children would have when they were toddlers. Rachel rolled onto her side and pulled her legs up to her chest. Her hands still covered her face. Shelby looked at the doctor; the woman looked like she was in shock too. The woman had known the family since she moved here and seeing Rachel react like this was breaking her heart. The door opened and a nurse peaked in, silently asking if help was needed. The doctor nodded. Rachel's sob brought Shelby back. Shelby didn't need to know what was different to know what was wrong with her daughter. She knew simply that her daughter had been feeling out of control since this all started coming to light. She never did well with pelvic exams before but now it wasn't just a fight because she was worried or scared. It was because her instincts were kicking in and this was the only way she could take control.

"Rach," she whispered, leaning close to her. "It's Mommy. I need you to look at me, sweetie. I need you to focus." Rachel soften slightly. "Please look at me Rachel." She watched as Rachel shook her head. "You're not in trouble but you need to do this."

Rachel let out a sob. "I'm fine! I'm fine!"

"You're not, Rachel," she whispered. "I've been helping you, bug. I can see that it's not getting better. I'm concerned. Just like how was I was when Quinn was sick. We need to take care of ourselves."

"No," Rachel murmured. She let out a trembling breath.

"Rachel, I know you don't want to do this. I do," she whispered. "But Dr. Camy is here. I'm here. It's going to hurt a little, but we are right here."

Rachel shook her head. She kept her hands in front of her face. "Please," she sobbed. "I can't...I can't."

She sighed. Rachel never liked this, but had never flat out refused. She had heard that she was hysterical at the hospital but … Shelby was stuck.

"Rachel," she tried again. "I'm right here. I won't leave you. We will go as slow as you need."

She gave a thankful chuckle when she watched Rachel open her finger in front of her eyes and peek out at her mother.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. "I just wanna go home." her voice was tiny. "I just want things to go back to n-n-normal."

Shelby sighed and reached down to sit Rachel up and in her arms. "I know you don't want to be here and we want to go home. We are one step closer to going home if you let her do this exam." She kissed her softly. "Do you want me to sit behind you and hold you? Will that make it better or do you want to just do it like were were? It's your choice, bug. We can get through this."

Rachel covered her face again with her hands even though she was in her mother's arms. She didn't want to do that. Not any of this. Every time she did, she remembered. She couldn't breathe and she couldn't think.

"Rachel, those are your only two choices. Otherwise, we'll wait until you're ready, but you are going to have this exam today."

Rachel let out another sob. "No, Mumma," she looked up at her. "please."

Shelby rocked her slightly. "I know you don't want to do this. Can you tell me why it's important?"

Rachel leaned back and looked at her mother. "Because I need to be healthy."

"Exactly. Please do this." She looked at her. "I'll be with you the whole time."

She gave a tiny nod.

"Would you like something to help you relax?" the doctor offered.

Rachel shook her head and looked at her mother. "No..."

"You sure?" Shelby asked lightly.

"Yeah," she mumbled as she leaned back. She took her mother's hand.

"Alright," Shelby whispered as she leaned Rachel back against her. She helped her move to the end of the table. The nurse stood at the opposite side. She made contact with the doctor and the woman scooted forward and prepared the speculum.

"Alright, Rachel," she said with a smile. "You ready?"

"No," she whispered, "but okay."

"Just relax," the doctor said softly. "I'm going to go inside and then take a sample. It'll go faster if you relax. It helps for me to talk to relax me. Can you talk to me?"

Rachel shook her head and began to cover her face again. Shelby gave the doctor a nod. Rachel let out a muffled scream as the instrument was inserted. Shelby felt Rachel push into her and saw the girl try to close her legs. She reached over and pressed one knee open as gently as she could as she signaled for the nurse to do the same.

"No!" Rachel sobbed.

Shelby steeled her jaw. "Okay, Rach," she sighed. "Look at me. You need to calm down. Look at me, Rach. Look at Mommy." Rachel removed her hands and looked at her mother. "Just look at me, Rach."

Her face contorted her pain as she held her mother's gaze. The doctor said, "You're doing great. Okay, just really quick we're going to get a sample and we're done."

"You hear that?" Shelby said kissing her softly. Shelby attempted to talk to her about Holly. "I looked at your work, bug. You did an amazing job! I am very impressed. I know that you like to write in cursive but I didn't realize your handwriting was that great." Rachel's brow softened slightly. "And I loved how started an extra math page. I didn't realize you knew how to do that. Also, your book report was very thorough especially because I didn't realize that you were already finished that book."

"I know it doesn't count," Rachel murmured looked at her mother. "I was already reading a book. I thought I would show her how I typically do my book reports in case she prefers another... format..."

"And we're done," the doctor said gently, removing the instrument. Rachel turned her head into Shelby's arms. Shelby pulled Rachel up and let her cry into her chest.

"I know, sweetie," she hushed. "I know."

"Okay," she smiled. "I'll be right back Rachel." The doctor left the room. After about thirty minutes and a time on the nebulizer, she returned.

Shelby smiled and kissed Rachel softly. "let's get you dressed."

The doctor returned. She rolled over to Rachel on the rolling stool. Rachel's eyes were puffy and worn.

"Alright, jumping bean," she smiled. "Here's the deal. You are healing but at a snail's pace."

Rachel frowned. "Is that bad?"

"Yes and no," the doctor said. "It could be worse. You could not be healing at all." She sighed and looked at her gently. "This cream helps you heal and ease your pain. I know that it's …. uncomfortable at times. But you can't look at me and tell me that you don't hurt." Rachel looked down at her hands. "Alright, Rachel, I can refill your antibiotics, the pills, but... I don't recommend it. This cream is an antibiotic. It works best. Plus the pills can give you a yeast infection and I'm telling you now, kiddo. You don't want that."

Rachel looked up at her mother. "I … just want it to go away...I …. the stuff... it does make me feel better... but it..." she looked down at her hands. "When he.. when my teacher put the sticky stuff on me, he rubbed it down there too..." Shelby squeezed her eyes. Of course. how did she miss this? "I … I already think about him all the time and I have bad dreams and then... I feel it... with the cream so …. I … so I don't like the cream."

"I know you don't like it, Rachel, but you need it," Dr. Fernandez said quietly.

"Is there something else that she can use?" Shelby asked.

The doctor sighed and looked at the girl. "There is but it's not as strong. We can try it but I want you back in a week. And I want your new sister, Quinn to come in." She sighed. "There is one more thing, Rachel," she said, eyeing Shelby. "Remember when you first became vegan and you and Mom worked on balanced meals and we had the vegan food pyramid?" Rachel nodded. "We need to do that again. I want you and your mother to make a food log and bring it in at your next visit. You can get Quinn to do it with you too."

"She's not a vegan. I can try to -"

"No," Shelby cut her off. "We will bring in food logs."

"Why? Is there something up?"

"Rachel, you haven't been feeling run down or lethargic?"

Rachel shrugged. "I just... I'm tired but... It's okay." She looked at her mother. "I just... I don't feel like eating... I just want to lay with my mom or my sisters or my big brother and watch TV."

The doctor nodded and shared a look with Shelby.

"Do you sleep, Rach? How many times do you wake up?"

Rachel looked at her mother and then back at doctor with tearful eyes. "I take naps... I watch Sanny's clock I sleep off and on unless my mom gives me my medicine but still I wake up... I sleep a few hours with the pills but then I wake up. My sister doesn't wake up if I don't move a lot..." She looked at her hands. "I hear my mom walking in the hallway at night and my uncle and aunt come in and check on San and me a lot." She chewed her lip. "sometimes I crawl out of bed and go talk to Quinn. She's awake, too..." She looked up at her mother. "We didn't want to tell you we weren't sleeping because we felt bad...badly, I mean..."She looked at her mother. "It's not you, Mumma. It was Quinn's idea for me to sit with her. She would hear me in the bathroom. I used to hide in the bathtub... I'm reading all the works by Charles Dickens again. I'm on Great Expectations. Quinn and I would take turns reading it at night..."

Shelby took a shaky breath. "How?... I am a light sleeper... We all slept in the living room..."

"We went and talked in the pantry... Once I tried to convince her to reorganize the pantry. She said, no ..."

"But I held both of you," Shelby said with a frown.

"When you are really asleep, you do a snort snore. That's how we knew, it's not every night mom."

The doctor stood and sighed. "Rachel, you and Quinn need to sleep and you need eat. I'll stop by this afternoon and do a quick check up with Quinn and you two are going on something to help you sleep at night. Something that I'm sure will be strong enough."

"I don't like being drugged up" she frowned. "I already... feel that way..."

The woman sighed. "I know, but your bodies can't heal if you keep fighting with them this much."

Shelby frowned and looked at the girl as gave her a gentle kiss. "We'll do this."

Moments later, Shelby stood at the window as she scheduled Rachel's next appointment along with Quinn's. Rachel sat silently behind her looking through a magazine idly.

"Shelby," the mother looked and saw the doctor behind the the window. CAmila leaned forward. "here are the prescriptions for Rachel. I'll have Quinn's records transferred here from the other doctor. Can I come over around four?"

Shelby nodded. "Absolutely. We have a scale at home. I'm concerned. I didn't realize it was this bad." She leaned forward and whispered, "Her mother died this morning though. I'm not sure if it's the right time." She frowned. "But I need her to sleep. How long will it take?"

"Not very long if she's cooperative," she said quietly, eyeing the eleven year old.

Shelby nodded. "Okay. We'll see you at four," she smiled taking back her credit card from the receptionist. "Thank you," she smiled.

"Shelby," the doctor said again,eyeing rachel to make sure she wasn't listening. She was talking quietly to one of the younger nurses. The doctor leaned closer to the window. "I did the best I could and we will check and see what this shows if anything but she is still very raw and red. She needs the cream to keep the inflammation down. It's so necessary that we see if this other ointment helps. - when we need to do this again she needs to be sedated a little. It is too rough for her emotionally right now and it is not good to keep doing this without sedating her a little."

Shelby bit her lip and gave the doctor a weak nod. "I understand." She put a smile on her face. "Alright, sweetie. Let's go home." Shelby nodded to Gus and the three of them left the office.

…..

Quinn stared at her sandwich. Her parents didn't make sandwiches. They hated sandwiches. However, occasionally there would be left over sandwiches from luncheons that her mother had catered with boards she served on. Sandwiches were dumb.

Suddenly the plate moved forward. She looked up and Nana was pushing the the plate closer. "Eat up," she said pointedly. "I just got a call from Shelby that she is heading home and you all need to eat." She looked at disgust at Noah as he shoveled food into his mouth as Santana looked on in disgust. "Clearly, not a problem for you, Noah."

Quinn glared at the sandwich. It was a hot sandwich that was now cold, but it didn't matter because she didn't want to eat it. The only reason at the forefront of her brain was the sandwiches were stupid. They were stupid because they were. No rhyme or reason.

"Quinn, you need to eat."

"No," she muttered.

Joey entered the kitchen with a huff. "Where is the wireless router again? I need to reset it."

Santana pointed to her mother's home computer. "It's over there somewhere." She continued to eat her own sandwich. "Where's Rachel? Is there something wrong?"

"I'm sure she's fine," Brittany said with a smile.

The brunette grinned. "I'm glad you're here."

The blonde smiled. "Ditto."

Joey began to fiddle with the router. Santana and Brittany began discussing something as Noah asked his grandmother for another sandwich. Quinn was too focused on the ridiculous of her sandwich to know that Brittany and Santana were staring at her with concern.

"Here you go, Noah," Helen said. "Quinn, eat the sandwich. I mean it," she said lightly.

"I'm not eating the fucking sandwich!" she screamed as she slammed her casted hand on the table.

The entire room froze. Quinn felt everything in her head stop for a moment. "I'm sorry," she muttered quickly. She shook her head. "I'm sorry."

She stood up and walked out of the room as quickly as possible.

Santana looked at her grandmother, her brother and Brittany. "What the hell is going on?" Helen and Joey exchanged looks.

Joey frowned and looked at her hands. She started to follow after the girl. "I'll go talk to her." She looked at her mother as she stopped. "Shelby wanted to wait to tell them when she got back. She's telling Rachel in the car, but..." She looked at her mother. "Cat's out of the bag." Joey sighed and left the room.

Santana looked sharply at her brother and grandmother. "What's happening?"

Brittany looked at Helen. Santana had known her grandmother her whole life, but the woman wasn't saying a word. The blond looked at Noah and Santana.

"Judy Fabray died last night," the sixteen year old said gently. "It was a car accident. The news said she was thought to be intoxicated but the police are investigating whether drugs or alcohol were involved for sure."

Santana looked at her grandmother and then her brother. "W-w-what?" She looked at her grandmother again. "What?" She turned to Brittany. "What?"

….

"Quinn?" Joey called as she knocked at the bathroom door. She tried to enter but Quinn was leaning up against the door.

"Go away," she hissed from the other side of the door.

"Quinn, you're not allowed to be in the room by yourself. You know the rules."

"Fuck the rules!" Quinn screamed.

Joey sighed in frustration and opened the bathroom door from Santana's room. She arched her brow. "You think that you're the only one who can hide herself in the bathroom?"

Quinn shook her head. "Get out!"

"Nope," she said closing the doors and sitting on the edge of the tub. "I'm sorry," she said with a honest tone that still managed not to be sympathetic. "About your mother. Would you like to talk about it?"

"No!" she frowned. "Just leave me alone. Get out!" Joey didn't move. "Get out!"

"You don't have to talk about it," Joey said. "But you are not staying alone."

Quinn shook her head. "Fine," she looked away from her.

"Can I tell you something? You're not gonna talk, but I am, okay?" the woman asked. Quinn hardened her gaze but didn't turn her eyes back to the woman. "I don't know what your relationship with your mother was. I won't ever try to pretend I understand. I just know how I feel and I don't know, to be honest." She took a deep breath. "In so many ways, I mourned her loss a long time ago. I don't know how you feel, Quinn, not even close. So... I just..." Quinn's face softened and looked at her. "I wanted you to know that...If you don't know, you're not the only one."

The blonde nodded. "Kay..."

Joey smiled. "Kay... Now lets talk about the sandwich."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "I'll apologize."

"There's no question of that," she said forcibly.

"It wasn't about the sandwich," she said with a sigh. "It just... it happened."

"That's okay," Joey said. "But I expect an apology and for you to eat your lunch. You look malnourished."

Quinn frowned. "Thanks..." She shook her head. "You're rude."

"I'm not the one swearing at the elderly," Judy countered.

"Not today," Quinn replied.

"Touche."

"I will apologize," Quinn frowned. "But that is all I can promise. I can eat later when I'm hungry."

"This is not a negotiation, Quinn."

"Says you," she said pointedly.

"Yes, says me, Quinn. We care about you. We love you and your body can't take this self-hatred so much. So I'm asking you to fight for you. I'm not going to stop fighting for you, but you need to fight for you. Got it?"

Quinn frowned. "I'm not eating that damn sandwich."

"Pasta?"

"No."

"Cheese and crackers and fruit," Joey said sharply.

"Fine."

She smiled. "Fine."

….

Santana sat on the couch tracing the back of Brittany's hand as they sat together.

"I can't... I can't believe it," Brittany muttered.

Santana looked at her as she leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling.

"When I saw it on the news," Brittany began. "I was shocked." She bit her lip. "I told you that I never looked you up. I was never going to push her. I know her just like I know you. I was going to wait for her to tell her." She shook her head and met Santana's gaze. "But then it was on the news when I was eating my cereal. It was too fast. It came and went and I didn't have a choice but to watch it. She died. She's dead. She did on the day after her husband went to jail for life for raping his daughter. I didn't know that he was... that that was happening to her..." Her eyes filled with tears. She shook her head. "I didn't know, but I didn't try. I didn't try to know."

"Brittany," Santana said quietly.

"No, San," she muttered. "I didn't try. I just let her pull away. I let her go."

"This isn't your fault. No one knew," she said gently. "They didn't want anyone to know."

"That doesn't make it right, Santana," she started with an exasperated sigh.

"I didn't say that it did," she countered. "I'm saying... sometimes people don't want you to know because it makes it truer." She frowned. "Does that make sense?" Brittany's look of confusion answered her question. "There is stuff I know that I can't tell you because it's hers to tell…but there is stuff I can tell you about me…I just don't know how to do it." She looked at Brittany. "Quinn kept that secret not to hurt you, but not to protect you. She did it to protect herself... not just from her parents...but..." She sighed. "I …I don't need you to affirm my feelings. I don't need you to make me feel better if I tell you what happened. I don't need you to build me up or make me feel less pathetic, because I feel pathetic all on my own. I feel helpless all on my own. I don't want to verbalize it because they are … I don't know...All that happens becomes even more true when I say them out loud." She met the girl's eyes. "It's not about sharing the burden or whatever. It's about getting to the other side... and ….What I

I'm saying is that some people need to talk about it." She shrugged. "And others don't even know where to begin."

"Santana, I didn't-"

"What I'm saying," she continued quietly, "Is that... I never understood why you were friends with her for the longest time. Why she wanted to be friends with you... but... now I get it."

Brittany frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You're the one good thing in her life. She needed you and in so many ways, you needed her too. I know that your life hasn't been perfect.-"

"Compared to you and Quinn it has," Brittany said standing up. "I'm in the dark here, San."

Santana frowned. "What?"

"Don't you get it?" she asked quietly. "You think you're on the outside wanting in, but I'm the one who wants in. I've always been on the outside." She shook her head. "I'm not making any sense. I don't want to know all the details. I just want you. And I want to be here for Quinn, but I don't know how."

"You are amazing," Santana said softly. "I want you here. This is where I told you I need time and patience but I really want you here. You're beautiful. You're everything that's good in this miserable, stinking world." She shrugged. "You might not think that you're doing enough or saying the thing." She took her hand and gave the blonde a smile and stood up. She kissed her softly on the cheek. "But everything that you're saying and being here... It's all right."

Brittany leaned forward and rested her forehead on santana's. "I don't know where we stand," she whispered. "I need you to be honest with me, I need you just as much... maybe more."

Santana leaned forward cupped her face. "I know," she whispered. "I need you, too."

Shelby walked through the front door and the girls pulled away slightly. Santana looked up at the door as she still held Brittany's hand. She noted her mother's look of exhaustion and then she saw Rachel in her mother's arms, sounds asleep.

"Mom?" Santana asked.

Shelby gave a deep frown and shook her head. "She's okay, San. She just had a rough appointment." She walked into the living room. "I'm going to lay her down here. Are Quinn and Noah in the kitchen?"

Santana looked over at Brittany. "Noah is. Quinn's upstairs with Aunt Joey." She handed Santana blanket and tucked the blanket up around Rachel. "What happened?"

Santana ran her hand through Rachel's hair.

"She had a bad exam. She started crying and kicking..." she put a smile on her face when she saw Brittany's stunned look. "But we got through it. She and Quinn haven't been sleeping and have been eating far less. I don't want you to take care of it, San, but I need you to help me watch them and tell me okay?"

She nodded. "We know about Quinn, Mom." She met her mother's eyes. "About Judy being dead."

Shelby sighed. "I told Rachel in the car. I was going to tell you guys when I returned." She shook her head. "I'll go talk to her."

Santana looked at her stood up. "I'll bring her down. Stay here, okay?"

"Santana, it's fine," Shelby insisted.

"No, Mom, I'll go get her. Okay?"

Shelby nodded. "You're still grounded, you know?"

Santana smirked. "When am I not?"

The brunette smiled and squeezed Brittany's hand and headed up the stairs.

Shelby turned to the blonde and gave her a small smile. "I'm glad you're here, Brittany," she said pulling her her into a hug. Brittany stiffened slightly and looked at her with surprise. "You are a special girl, Brittany. You always have been." She stroke her hair softly. "I want to tell you that I will always be here for you no matter what your relationship with Santana is. Okay? Just try to make good choices."

"What if I have to murder for her?" Brittany asked suddenly from Shelby's arms.

"I hope that you don't, ever, have to do that," Shelby chuckled and held the girl close. "Relationships are complicated, but I trust rhe two of you to take the rights steps when you need to. I just ask that you trust yourselves too."

"She hasn't said anything about school," Brittany whispered. "I don't know what to say."

"Let her come to you. You and I both know that you can't force that girl to do anything." Shelby laughed.

"You can," Brittany laughed.

"That's true." The mother smiled.

…

Santana knocked on the door to the bathroom. Joey and Quinn were sitting on the floor in silence.

"Mom's home," Santana muttered.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "I'm fine."

The brunette scowled. "I didn't say you weren't. Don't get your panties in a bunch."

"Girls, don't start," Joey frowned as she stood up.

"Can we have a moment please, warden?" Santana asked rolling her eyes.

Joey looked over at Quinn then back at Santana. "A moment. I'll be in the hall." She pointed at the girls. "I mean it. A moment."

Quinn watched her leave with a frown. "I don't want to talk to you either, Satan."

"I don't care," Santana shrugged as she sat down on the floor.

Quinn looked at the closed door with a frown. "You know," she said plainly. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I didn't say anything," she said back. She sighed. "But I will now. I don't know what to say to you. I'm not going to pretend to. I know right now though...that you don't know what to do or think or feel because that's you." She sighed. "When my dad died, my stepdad... or whatever... didn't let anyone else go... It was just me, and Noah and Rach and that asshole..." Quinn watched as Santana played with her cuticles. She went on tearfully. "I was upset at everybody that day... that whole time..." She caught her words. "I'm not saying that my loss is the same as yours. It's not …. I don't mean that... What I'm saying is that... Everytime I think about that day when I put my dad in the ground, I remember holding my sister and my brother holding us." She looked at her tearfully. "I don't want you thinking back on that day wishing that you had someone there for you but you didn't because you were dumb and told us not to be there because you didn't want us there or whatever," she said very hurriedly. She calmed. "I'm just... I would be there for you." She made eye contact with her. "I will always be there for you, whether you like it or not." She took her hand silently. "I don't know what you want to do, but when you figure it out. I'll be here."

Quinn sighed and looked back at the door but continued to hold Santana's hand.

"She's dead," she said plainly. She looked at Santana sadly. "And I don't feel anything."

Joey leaned against the wall in the hallway and she let the tears flow. She was having the opposite problem. She was feeling too much. She wasn't sure what to say or how to say it and these sixteen year olds were more together than her.

"Nothing," she heard Quinn sob. "Nothing at all."

**I am so grateful for everyone's kind words and support for this story. Thank you so much! Please let me know what you think of this turn. I have been planning Judy's demise since the beginning. I would love to hear what you think, even if you don't like things. **


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

The-Doctors-Song – You read the whole thing in one night – impressive! Sorry for making you cry I hope there were some parts that you laughed on to though. I don't mind that this story inspired you to write your own. I am flattered. Thank you so much for reviewing.

Lexie-Rae – Joey does see that the only good thing that came out of Judy's life is Quinn. She will forever be part of Quinn's life. She has an aunt forever. Quinn may find it difficult sometimes but Joey will never leave her now. Britt will start to push Quinn and San more. She knows only the outer layer but she wants in and is not going anywhere and now that the girls know that she is not scared off they will open up more to her. The exam was awful and they will continue to be for awhile unfortunately. Noah is in this chapter a bit more. Thanks so much for the lengthy review! I love them. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Hazelstar – The most Holly and Shelby will be is friends. Quinn and Britt will start to open up more dialog. Quinn's family life for the most part is now known to Brittany so she will begin to trust her more and share more with her. If and only if Rachel was ever kidnapped, Quinn and Santana and Noah would not allow that kidnapper to live long. Thanks so much for your review.

Renata – I am so glad you liked the chapter. Mr. Schue is a sick man. Shelby is nuts after hearing all that she is doing her best to hold it together though. I think you will really like Quinn's honesty to someone in this chapter. It will be a daily struggle for both girls to eat and gain the weight that they need to. Thank you for the review and the kiss.!

Drea LuRuiz – Thank you so much. Judy dying was planned from the beginning but there was a time when I wasn't going to do it but just had to. It fits the story so much better.

broadwaybound2016 – I'm glad! Thanks for reviewing.

Ainsley Grace – Sorry to make you cry. I hope they are not tears over Judy's demise though. Thanks for the review.

Iuterpi – Sorry for the rollercoaster ride. There are more things to come. Quinn will have this up and down feeling for a while. While she was not a big fan of Judy's, she was still her biological mother and shouldn't you feel something for the woman that raised you? You will see what Noah is planning to do in the next chapter or two and if we catch the evil Mr. Schue. Thanks for finding the story again and reviewing.

Guest – I am glad I could spring the Judy surprise on you. It was honestly planned from day one. Holly is an awesome teacher she just has some unorthodoxed ways to teach the kids. Rachel and Quinn will still have a hard time on the exams and I wish I could say that they could just avoid them for a while but based on what happened it has to be done. The family may take a trip but the last one didn't go all that well and while Will is on the loose they are staying close to home. Thanks for the review.

Fangirl44 – Judy dying was a twist but it was needed as well. You will see Noah's plans in the next couple of chapters. Thanks for reviewing.

GracieSunset – You will soon see if Will does anything more to Rachel but he has already done a considerable amount to her unfortunately. Thanks for the review.

Cookie07 – The new review system is messing up a lot of people I think especially the authors! You never sound like a rambling idiot. I am truly amazed the depth that you and others put in your reviews and it makes me so happy. Will is very cray – cray. Suzy is a lost soul who is now in a whole lot of trouble because she has no guidance but she better smarten up or she will be lost forever. Quinn is going to have a lot of mixed emotions for the burial and the days before and after. It is a very very emotional time for Quinn and she is still recovering from a serious operation so she is going to be watched very very carefully by everyone. Judy's death will bring up some emotions for Noah and San because of the loss of a parent but it wont be the same. Now the thing with Nana – for the next several weeks or months these kids will have so many people treating them differently. Nana is one of the people that remains consistent. It does not matter what has happened to these kids. She needs to go on treating them exactly as she has always treated them. And she will treat all her granddaughters the same way. With Rachel's flirting comment – to Rachel it is normal – she does not see this as outing anything – this is normal to her. It's kind of like this – my beta's niece is married to a woman and they have 3 kids – my beta's son is the same age as her nieces oldest – he has never questioned that she has two moms – it doesn't affect him – it has always been that way – its not strange to him so Rachel saying that San and Britt flirt is the same as Noah flirting with a girl – it is what it is – no big deal. I hope that makes sense. Noah's road trip will be discussed in the next couple of chapters. Yes and you see where Rachel gets her know it all attitude – Nana is an older version of Rachel. Thanks as always for the review. – I feel like I am the rambling one!

Anna – I wish everyone was like Shelby too. She is one in a million but she does have her faults as well. I am glad you like Holly. She will be in it for a while. Thanks for the review.

alopez208 – Brittany wants to be there for both of her friends and it will get easier now that San and Quinn as sisters . Trust me because they are so alike they will need someone like Brittany in there to help pull them off each other when they fight. Thanks for the review.

Guest – They may have a little more heartbreak but they will all get through it together. Thanks for the review.

Abbie – Its hard to feel sorrow for Judy because of the pain she caused her daughter both directly and indirectly. There are some people in this world that should not be mothers and she is definitely one of them. Frannie will be addressed this chapter and I honestly don't care what happens to Russell. Rachel will be ok with time but unfortunately she will have the exams for a while due to what happened to her. It will get easier for her though. Thanks for reviewing.

GleeFanatic1988 – San and Quinn are now very close sisters who will lean on each other more than ever. They know that they do not have to do this alone. Thanks for the review.

Ryoko05 – Rachel needs people like Holly and Camilla in her life because even if nothing had happened to Rachel she is still the baby of the family and they would always baby her. Now that everything has happened it only heightens how much they will baby her so it is good that people outside the family don't do it. She needs to be less coddled by those people. Thanks so much for your review.

Kimberlli – Thanks for squealing! Will does have all sorts of plans for Rachel the key is will he get to implement them. The funeral will have a LOT of police there. Shenanigans maybe in store but Quinn is just feeling nothing so I am not sure she will have much of a fight in her there. But you never know. Thanks for your kind words and your review. They are very much appreciated.

Guest – The kids interacting with each other is important because when they go back to school they need to feel secure in having each other. Judy dying is sad for everyone involved though because it brings no closure to Quinn. Thanks for your review.

Guest – Hiram is very much alive living in Sing Sing Prison in NY. Thanks

Guest – Judy dying lets you know that Quinn never will be hit by this woman again. Quinn will move on but it wont be an easy road for her. Thanks for the review.

look4me – I am not sure you are going to like Noah and Quinn's interaction in this chapter but it is still very sibling like. Judy dying was actually planned from the very beginning so it worked out well where it ended up. Quinn will open up to Shelby more but she is so afraid, confused and inside her head right now. Thanks so much for all your support on tumblr and with the reviews. I love them keep them coming.

NinjaGleek21 – Thanks again for the cookie and the crate of Will. Not sure if we will open up that crate yet but I do like your idea of where to send it.

Piper - You are correct Quinn is a very lost little girl right now and so much has happened to her in such a short period of time. Will is quite the monster and right now we only are aware that Suzy was helping him – could it be more – maybe – Thanks for your review.

Gleeauthor11 – Thanks so so much. I would be amazed if this was ever published but if it were – I would send you an advanced copy!

thelastcenturian – Schuester is an "effen ass". Please don't go insane. I want all my readers and reviewers alive and well. Thanks for the review.

Guest – I have to say I do strive for longer than 16K words but sometimes I want to get the chapter posted and I need to end it in a different place. I will be working hard to get it back up to 18K where I like it to be. Thanks for the review.

A C one – Helen is an older version of Rachel. That is where Rachel gets some of it. Poor Noah he tries so hard and is great but sometimes he sticks his foot in his mouth. They will definitely be doing the food logs with Quinn and Rachel. They need to eat and sleep more. I have already forgotten what that reality checker said in her review. It was done anonymously so people can write whatever they want. And you are correct if this is not your kind of story then don't read it plain and simple. Thank you though for all your kind words and support. They mean so much.

**A/N: I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. It was supposed to be longer and there were many other scenes that were outlined. Instead, my fingers kept typing other scenes that were unplanned. I'm sorry if this isn't want any of you expected…..Please let me know what you think. **

Quinn sat on the closed seat of the toilet. She gave a frown.

"Why are we doing this?" she asked.

"Because you're due for a check up," Dr. Fernandez said with a gentle look.

"Are you my doctor now?" she asked with a frown. There was an air of irritation in her voice

"Quinn, please," Shelby said as she leaned against the sink.

"I heard you made Rachel cry," Quinn said as she watched the blood pressure cuff inflate and deflate slowly.

"Quinn," Shelby warned again.

"I did," the doctor admitted quietly. The woman shook her head with regret. "I feel terrible about it."

"Well, you should," Quinn sneered with a snap.

"Okay, enough," Shelby said with a sigh.

Quinns sighed stepped onto the scale with a glare still at the doctor.

"I don't understand why I have to do this," she muttered. "I am not overweight. I eat well. I know all about nutrition. I don't have a lot of carbs and I don't -"

"Quinn," she sighed. "We will talk about this afterward. Let the doctor finish."

While she was grateful to the doctor because the woman interrupted a tortuous lunch with Shelby, Quinn continued to scowl as the woman put the thermometer in her ear. The girl let out a groan of annoyance when the thermometer beeped.

"Quinn," Shelby said with a sigh as she searched her daughter's eyes. The cracks in Quinn's armor came down and in those moments, Shelby was able to see the briefest glimpse of what Quinn used to be, what her life was. "I apologize," Shelby said still eying Quinn. "We're still working on our manners and improving our attitude."

Quinn lowered her head in slight shame. She hated this but disappointing Shelby was still highest on her list. She sighed. She wasn't going to backdown. She wasn't going to waste this woman's time and energy. "I still don't understand why I needed a check up at all," Quinn argued.

Shelby sighed and said, "We needed to check you out before the doctor gives you a new medication."

The sixteen year old rolled her eyes. "I told you. I'm fine. Yes, I ache, but I can get through it. I don't want anymore meds. I am tired of taking them already and I don't need them anymore."

The mother arched an eyebrow. "I can see that you're moving around more easily, but we're not giving you a new pain pill. We're giving you something that'll help you sleep."

"I sleep better," she said hesitantly. "Thanks to your bed on stilts. I don't need that." She looked at the mother and said with a more vulnerable air, "I don't need this."

Shelby got caught up in her daughter's eyes but took a breath and said, "You need it."

"Without your spleen, Quinn," the doctor explained. "You're very prone to infection." She made eye contact with the girl. "It is so important that you understand that. Minor infections for some can really hit you hard. You need to take your medication.-"

"She'll take it," Santana yelled from the other side of the door.

"Santana!" Shelby said pushing herself away from the sink. She opened the door. "I told you to wait downstairs." Santana backed away from the door slowly. "I mean it," Shelby hissed. She stepped into the hallway and Quinn could hear her scolding Santana.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "She thinks she's my nurse," the girl clarified. "Which I don't need, by the way."

"Well, she's right. You need to take your medication and perhaps even consider having a medical card made or a bracelet," the doctor asked.

"Why?" she frowned.

"Because now without a spleen you're more vulnerable." She sighed. "If you're not willing to fight for your body, I don't think that your body will be willing to fight for you." The doctor's words were slow and careful.

"I sleep fine you don't need to -"

"That's not what I heard," the doctor countered. "Also, you're an athlete correct." The nodded slowly. "You need to sleep better and more of it. Or you will get injured or strain your body. I promise you that." She sighed. "Listen, I know you don't know me, but I know that this family, your family, loves you. They need you to take care of yourself, if not for you than for them. Okay? Just think about it alright? But to be honest, you shouldn't have a choice in this. You must take this." She sighed. "but in the end, Quinn, you have so many choices. This shouldn't be one of them. It should be a given."

Quinn looked up as Shelby entered the room.

"I don't need it," she said.

"You need to take it," she whispered gently.

Shelby knelt down next to her. "She will take the antibiotic."

"And I'll prescribe you also a sleeping aide."

"I don't need one," Quinn said cutting her off. "Please. Just me a chance to do this."

Shelby looked at her with her big eyes that were filling with tears. "Honey, it's not that..."

"I need to be in control of something right now," she whispered. "Please."

"And you can, Quinn," Shelby said with a smile. "But you don't have control of your sleeping right now. Don't lie to me and say that you do. You need to show me that you have these things under control. You're not eating. You can't sleep."

"I don't want to be this weak person..." she muttered.

"You're not," Shelby said taking her hand. "And that's okay. You're still in control of so much, but right now you need to get better."

"I am better," she said weakly.

"In so many ways you are," Shelby whispered kissing her softly but there are so many things we need work on."

Quinn sighed and looked at her hands. "Fine," she whispered.

"Why don't we try these for a week and then give me a call. Typical side effects, Shelby, but we'll check in with the girls next week." She looked at Quinn. "Please, give it a chance for a week and then we'll check in."

Quinn opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off.

"She'll do it," Santana said from the now open door.

"Santana," Shelby sighed heavily. She walked to the door and pushed Santana out of the door. "Good bye. Go downstairs and help with dinner please."

"It's ready," she pushed back. "Nana left it before she left with the rest of the adults."

"Go set the table then," Shelby hissed.

"We're not eating in the kitchen?" Santana asked from the other side of the door.

"The counter, whatever, San," Shelby said waving her arm. "Go now."

Shelby closed the door on her more forcibly and leaned against it smiling at the doctor and Quinn apologetically. Shelby listened carefully to the other side. Santana was still shuffling on the other side of it. Quinn shrugged and sighed as she called, "Go away, Satan." She rolled her eyes slightly and casually once Santana made eye contact.

"Fine," Santana stomping away from the other side of the door.

Shelby turned and looked at Quinn with surprise. She wasn't sure if she should address the name calling or be grateful that they weren't throwing lamps at each other anymore.

…...

Noah leaned into the laundry room on the corded house phone as he attempted to hide the phone.

"Hey man," he said into the phone. He peered around into the kitchen to see if anyone was coming.

"Mike, what's up? Why are you calling?" Noah asked. "You're lucky that I picked up the phone before my ma heard." He sighed.

"I had to. You have no phone anymore. And whenever your warden gives if back to you, you'll see lots of voicemails from me. I've been bored out of my mind... I was just calling you to talk."

Noah chuckled. "So what's up?"

"Nothin', just checkin' in," Mike shrugged at the other end. "School sucks without you. I don't understand why you guys were suspended for more time."

"Kinda broke his face," Noah muttered. Mike scoffed on the other end. Slence fell upon them for a brief moment. "Listen, are you still in for the trip?"

"Def, but when?" Mike replied.

"Well, at the moment, I can barely leave the house let alone sneak out of the state," Noah laughed as he leaned down casually. He never thought he would miss school, but he missed his sense of normalcy. "I'm going to ask Coach if I can go to practice. I need to go to practice. How's it going?"

"As good as it can without the captain and the idiot quarterback, but Evans is really stepping up," Mike shrugged.

"Yeah? He's pretty great. Coach had him running all the plays with the wide receivers yesterday and he connected on 90% of the passes." He sighed. "Make sure to watch the film if you come to practice tomorrow because coach put in this play that no way Hudson could handle it but Evans is really stepping up so we know it will work"

"Mike, this trip... I can't talk about it here... but I just, I need you there with me when I go," he muttered.

"Of course." Noah could hear him smile from the other end. "Ever since we started jumping from your uncle's roof to snowboard down the hill, I've been there for you. What roof are we jumping off now?" Mike let his laugh fade away. "I will definitely be there. We can go when my dad's away on business. It'll be perfect!"

Noah sighed. "This isn't an overnight thing."

"Well... how long will it take...?"

"I stole my aunt's iPhone and Google Mapped it..." Noah sighed. "It's like over six hundred miles."

Mike groaned on the other end. "Noah, are you serious?"

"Yeah," he muttered.

"You should have told me," Mike said with a smile again. "You know I love secret missions!"

"Mike," Noah smiled. "This is not just some crazy fun trip... Not like that time that we did Mikah Ditch Day..." He sighed. "Let's see. Let's see..."

"I have an idea!" Mike suddenly spoke, "Why don't we tell our parents that we are going to look at some schools! Your mom would love that...she would jump at that opportunity if she thought you were going to look at colleges. She really wants you to do it man...I mean...I think you should too, but that's another conversation."

"That sounds great," Noah thought quietly. A chair shifting in the kitchen broke his concentration. He peaked back around the corner and saw Rachel pushing a chair in that it looked like she ran into. "Hey man, I have to go," he muttered.

"Alright," Mike sighed. "Listen, get your warden to release you."

Noah laughed. "I'll try, but listen, my baby sister woke up. I really gotta go."

"She doin' okay?"

Noah was silent as he watched Rachel carefully as she poked the food that was on the stove "She'll be fine," he muttered. "Talk to you later."

He hung up the phone and walked over to Rachel. "Hey, bug," he smiled.

She looked at him with an exhausted look. He sighed and picked her up and sat her on the counter. He kneeled down and looked in her eyes. He rubbed his nose against hers. "Did you sleep, bug?" Rachel shrugged and looked at her hands. "Hey," he chuckled. "What's wrong?" She didn't move. He frowned. "How about... some ice cream?"

She looked at him. "Noah, I'm vegan."

"Oh," he grinned. "So does that mean you can't have ice cream?"

She shook her head. "No, Noah. No animals."

"There's meat in ice cream?" Rachel rolled her eyes. He opened the refrigerator and smiled. "How about... cheese?"

"Noah," she said with a tired sigh.

He pretended to search through the refrigerator. "What about the Oreo cake? I think Aunt Joey brought us cake."

She grinned. "You ate all of it." He was grateful for a smile. "Plus, Noah, cake has eggs and milk and butter," she sighed.

He walked over to her and cupped her face gently. She looked at him with jaded eyes. "Why can't I bribe you with crap food like the other two? Even Quinn has a weakness."

"What is it?" Rachel asked with a tiny hint of a smile.

"Bacon," he said leaning his elbows on the counter on either side of her body.

The hinted smile disappeared. "That's so gross," she whispered. She fiddled with her hands. "Noah?"

"Yeah, Bug?" he asked pulling a stool over to him and sat in front of her.

"Can I go on your trip too?"

His head snapped up. "What?"

"You were talking to Mike," she said casually. "I have ears." She sighed. "I want to go, too." She met his gaze. "Please."

"It's just me and Mike, Rach," he said with an unfocused gaze. "You wouldn't wanna go."

"I do wanna go," she said desperately.

"Go where, bug?" Santana asked as she entered into the room.

Noah sighed. "Nowhere."

Santana pulled herself onto the counter next to Rachel.

"...He's going somewhere with Mike..he said I can't go," she muttered.

Noah felt Santana's eyes on him burning a hole in his head. He took a beat and took a deep breath before he looked up at Santana. He and his sister had a look; they had a language. It interchanged when they looked at each other. Sometimes, Santana would force him to have a silent conversation when he wasn't talking to her..when he didn't want to. She tricked him into things. Like the time that she tricked him into giving her all of his allowance or the numerous times that she tricked him into babysitting Rachel. He paused and looked up at her. She searched his eyes. He felt like his brain was being read. She looking down at him, not because she was sitting on the counter. She was frowning; she was searching. He darted his eyes around the room. Finally she narrowed her eyes and looked over at Rachel.

"Rach, lets be honest," Santana said with a roll of her eyes. "Would you really wanna be stuck in a car with just Noah and Mike?"

Rachel looked at her. "Yeah," she mumbled.

Santana narrowed her eyes at Noah. He was in trouble. She knew. "Rachel, go set the table."

"The breakfast table?" she muttered.

"Yeah," Santana muttered still holding Noah's gaze. Noah stood up and lifted Rachel off of the counter and she slowly went to the breakfast nook on the other side of the kitchen, staring behind her as she began to set the table.

Santana leaned close to him and grabbed his collar, but in a subtle way hoping that Rachel wouldn't notice, but she did.

"Honestly, whatever you're up to I will find out," she hissed. "And it's a stupid idea. And I want in."

"Noah?" Rachel called from the other side of the room.

Santana let go and Noah looked at her with a small smile. "Yeah, bug?"

"Have you sent out your applications?" She paused and looked at him.

"I... uh..." He looked over at Santana and paused. She was yelling at him in silence with her big eyes. Fuck, he muttered. "Listen, Rach," he said walking over to her and sitting across from her. "I missed it... I didn't …. I didn't do it."

"Noah," Santana said with a soft voice that run with such disappointment. "You told Pop-Pop..."

Noah shook his head and focused back on Rachel. "I wanna stay here, bug. I wanna stay here with you... with Mom and Q..." He smirked. "Even San-bags." His smile faded when she saw that Rachel was tearing up.

"You're doing this because of me..." she whispered. "You're doing this because of me," she said more brokenly.

"Rachel," he whispered. "Bug," he said leaned closer to her. "I …" He opened his mouth and realized he didn't know what to say. He didn't have the words to tell her that she was wrong, because he was staying for her.

She shook her head and the tears flowed. "You are an amazing player... I don't really know everything about football... but you …. You went and... you're an All-Star..." she wiped her tears with the back of her hands and Noah reached out and wiped the couple tears that she missed. She looked at him with a tilt of her head. "You're not a lima loser. You're an All-Star."

He gave a baffled and uncomfortable scoff. "Rach," he started with a shake of his head. "Being an All-Star doesn't matter to me."

Rachel pushed him away. "It should," she hissed. "Don't you get it?" The tears began again and Noah couldn't help but sigh. "Noah, this is who you are. This is who you are and because... because of all that happened you're not... You're refusing to be an All-Star."

"Rachel, life is not simple. It's not about chasing a dream and winning some huge prize," he said with a nervous smile.

"Noah," Santana said harshly.

"I know that," Rachel cried. "I know that!"

His face fell. "Listen-"

"No, you listen," she hissed. "I know school isn't your thing. And maybe being an All-Star isn't your thing. But... being here isn't your thing..." She frowned and wiped her tears again. "Settling for this isn't your thing. It can't be."

He leaned back in shock and looked over at Santana for guidance but she was staring at the ground. He had no one to tell him what to say.

"Rachel, I..."

"I... I …." she stuttered. She looked at him and continued. "So much has happened. I don't want you staying here to become something you're not..."

"Rachel," he tried again. "Rachel, this is what I want this is -"

"No," she whispered sharply. "No!" She shook her head. "This is you not …. This is you not even trying..."

Rachel looked at him. She paused. She looked at Santana then she looked behind her as Quinn trailed in. They heard Shelby walk to the door with the doctor. Rachel looked at the ground.

"Rach?" Noah asked.

Rachel looked at the ground more intensely. She realized in that moment that not only was stuck and confused. So was everyone else, but she couldn't help but feel that she was holding him back, holding all of them back.

"Rach?" Shelby said coming into the room. "What's going on?"

Rachel looked over at Noah and then away. "Nothing," she whispered.

Noah chewed his lip. He frowned at Rachel's bowed head. "Nothing."

Dinner was silent. Helen had left a casserole, a salad and bread for the family. She had made a separate vegan pasta for Rachel. Quinn and Rachel were forced to sit directly next to Shelby as they ate. She talked quietly about the food logs and necessity of sticking to their plans. Quinn tried her best not to roll her eyes as Shelby talked about charts and responsibility. Periodically, Shelby glanced over to Noah and Santana who were quietly eating. She caught Santana glaring at Noah, trying unsuccessfully to be subtle.

"What's going on?" Shelby asked as she interjected a loud hissing spat at the sink after they had finished. Quinn and Rachel continued to pout quietly over their food.

"Nothing," she hissed.

"Yeah, right," Shelby rolled her eyes. She looked over her shoulder. "No, Rachel, do not hide food in your napkin. I can see it.."

Rachel frowned and continued to eat as Quinn simply shot death glares at Shelby.

"Keep glaring, Quinn, all you'll get is a headache and wrinkles," Shelby said. "We will do charts with every meal, ladies starting tomorrow. Get ready." Shelby looked at the girls' food. "Three more bites."

After whining pouting and groans of frustration, the girls were finished dinner. "Clean up in here please. Rachel and I will be back."

Santana watched Shelby disappear up the stairs before glaring at her brother. "Spill," she hissed.

"Spill what?" Quinn said rubbing her stomach. "I feel like I've been force fed rocks."

Santana shook her head and glared at her brother, ignoring Quinn's statement. "Seriously."

"Drop it," he muttered. "She doesn't know what she heard and neither do you. Nothing is going on."

"Bull shit," Santana hissed. "You can't even steal cake from the counter without me! I am a rock star."

"If I recall, you can't even still cake for me."

"Why are we talking about cake?" Quinn whined.

Santana shoved a towel and a plate in Quinn's direction. "You're on dry."

She sighed and looked at them seriously. "But really. What's going on?"

"Noah's planning a thing and he's not including us," Santana said.

"You sound like you are five. Knock it off. Just drop this," he said handing Quinn a plate.

"Clearly, it's something," Quinn said with a frown. She looked at Santana. "You know that we can help you. We're much better at pulling off sneak plans than you."

"Truth!" Santana said with a nod.

"No," he sighed. "Just drop it! Stop focusing on me when you should be focusing on you!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Santana hissed.

Noah narrowed his eyes at Santana and then looked at Quinn.

"Oh," Quinn whispered. "Well," she straightened. "I'm fine."

"Bull shit," Noah said honestly.

"I'm fine," she said again.

"You're not fine," he huffed. He turned and looked at her. "Russell is in prison for life. Judy's dead!"

"Shut the hell up," Santana hissed.

"No, fuck off, Noah," Quinn barked. "I'm fine!"

Santana gave him another shove. "You are so out of line right now!"

"No," the blonde barked. "Do you wanna play this game?" she asked with her hands in the air throwing the clean plate in the dirty sink. "Let's list ALL the reasons we aren't fine!" She looked at Santana. "Shall we?"

"Quinn, don't," she pushed.

"No," she pushed back. "Rachel sleeps in the bathtub. Why? Because I left her with a child molester and the icing on the cake? I got her in a car accident that almost killed her right after she was attacked. She had blood on the inside of her legs when I found her. Did she tell you that? But you know what? It doesn't matter, because I'm fine!" she spat.

"Quinn, stop," Noah urged.

"No," she said with a shake of her head. She glared at him aggressively. "Let's see. You all talk and you think I don't listen." She widened her eyes. "So let's see if I have this right?" she snickered. "Tell me if I don't. Feel free to jump in." She pointed her finger and moved it between Santana and Noah. "Your dad died and left you with some sadistic bastard and no one knew where you were.-"

Santana's head bowed and her gaze looked at the floor.

Noah stepped forward. "Quinn, I mean it. Calm down. I'm sorry. I was out of line."

"No, you weren't," she spit back "You're right on point. Now where was I?" She scoffed. "Then he beat the shit out of you and raped Rachel so badly she couldn't move." She looked at Santana, whose head was still bowed.. "I don't even know what he did to you. Care to share?"

Noah stepped between the two girls. "Back off."

"You first," she hissed. "Leave me alone. Don't tell me I'm not fine because I'm just as raw as you are. So leave me the fuck alone and I won't push you."

"We don't mean to push you," Santana said from behind Noah, pushing him away. "He was out of line and he knows it."

Quinn looked at Santana and softened. "I'm sorry," she muttered.

Santana nodded. "Don't worry about it. I'm sorry too."

Quinn shook her head. "You didn't do anything." The two sisters glared at Noah. "Clearly, you're hiding something and we'll find out."

"Quinn, listen," he began.

"Shut up," she cut him off. "You don't get to pull that card again. Got it?"

He nodded. "Yeah," he muttered. "I'm sorry."

"Whatever," she said as she reached over and to began to rewash the plate she threw into the dirty water. Santana pushed her over gently.

"You have a cast on stupid," she muttered. "You're on dry." Santana glared at her brother who was looking. down at the ground.

"I'm sorry, Quinn."

"Forget it," she said not turning to look at him.

"Forget what?" The three of them turned and clad in a penguin patterned pajama pants and shirt set stood Rachel, looking at the three of them with a frown.

Shelby had her hands resting on Rachel's shoulders.

Quinn watched as Santana handed her the clean plate and put on a smile that the blonde had labeled her Rachel-needs-bright-and-shiny-things smile.

"Hey, bug."

"What's going on?" Shelby asked.

"Nothin," Noah said.

The mother sighed and handed Rachel and Quinn their pills and a glass of water. "Sure," she said skeptically.

Rachel took the pill and leaned her head against the counter with a yawn. Quinn took the pill with a frown and mumbles of its unnecessary nature.

"Alright, bed all of you," she said.

Noah put his arms around Rachel. "I can help her."

"Okay, Quinn let's go," Shelby said. "San, get ready too."

Shelby watched closely as Santana glared at her brother and moved toward the stairs. She narrowed her eyes.

"Is there something wrong, Santana?" she asked her eldest daughter.

The girl looked at everyone in the room. "Nothing. Nothing at all."

Noah followed Rachel into her room but could still feel Santana glaring at him.

"Are you going to stay with San tonight?" he asked leaning against the doorframe.

She looked at him and nodded. "Yeah," she was slightly embarrassed. "I just wanted to get some socks. George is in there already." She sighed and turned to him. She pulled them on tiredly as she searched his eyes. "Mom and I could hear you all yelling downstairs."

He deflated. "What?"

Rachel nodded. "This house is old. Plus you were loud..." She sighed and finished putting on her socks. "We couldn't hear everything, but you made Quinn upset."

"I know," he said quietly. "I'm gonna talk to her."

"Mom's going to talk to you too," she said warningly. "Why won't you tell me where you're going?" He looked at her confused. "On your trip, I mean."

"Because you don't need to worry about it," he said.

"Someday I'm going to grow up and be happy, Noah," she said quietly as she played with her hands. She looked at him. "And I won't need you to be a grown up... I'll just need you to be my brother and I hope you'll be my friend..."

He laughed. "Rachel, I'm your friend."

"No, you're not," she said quietly.

"I'm not?" he asked.

"No," she said with a smile.

"Who am I ?" he asked.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "You're...you're my big brother...I heard Mom joke with someone once saying that you act like you're her husband.-"

"Eww! Rachel!" he said with disgust.

"I didn't mean it in a gross way, Noah," she sighed. "I mean that... you act like... like a grown up... even when you eat cake for breakfast and you eat a whole pizza by yourself..." She sighed. "You're immature in so many ways-"

He frowned. "Thanks?..."

She sighed. "What I mean is...You are playing a role." She looked at him. "Sometimes I see you, the real you but ….I miss my brother. And I don't want you to be old... like twenty, which is super old! And still be stuck here."

"Rachel," he sighed.

"Noah, I won't tell Mom about your trip if you promise me that you won't hold back... and you'll mail your applications."

He searched her eyes. "Rachel," he said quietly.

"I see your applications on your desk. You would be great at the Johnson and Wales one... I see that application on your desk too," she sighed.

"Why? It's in Miami...I wouldn't see you except for holidays and stuff."

"I know that you don't want that," she sighed. "But, Nana and Pop-pop are there and … there are … beaches and..." She argued and looked at him. "That's where Bear went..." She looked at him. "I think you would make a great police officer..."

He looked at her with a frown. "Rachel... I'm not going to-"

"You are," she said leaning on his arm. "You just don't know it yet, because you're pretending too hard at being a grown up." She looked up at him. "Just try." She smiled. "Or I'll tell Mom that you're going rogue."

He smiled and pulled Rachel closer to him, resting his chin on the top of her head.

"I just want happy things for you as much as you want them for me," she muttered as she hugged his arm that wrapped around her. She looked up at him. "So if you don't put them in the mail, then I'll tell." She let out a yawn. "Oh, and one more thing."

"Yes, your majesty," he laughed.

"Will you sing me the song?" she asked looking at him.

He smiled at her. "Sure."

…...

Santana washed her face vigorously at the sink. She needed to get rid of everything in her head. She needed to focus. Quinn had just lost everything and she had it together. Why were her words ringing in her head causing Santana to be so off balance? She blinked and looked around. She needed to pull this together, but she couldn't. She leaned against the sink. She was exhausted and felt so far from herself. Brittany has been looking at her begging to know her secrets. She never felt so far from everyone. She was there; she was in the moments but it felt as if she was playing a part...

She looked up and heard Noah and Rachel enter her room.

She could hear them quietly through the crack in the door. She frowned as she watched them. In so many way, she had always been on the outside of everything. She wanted it that way; she didn't want the responsibility of having to reciprocate. It was hard enough to be honest .. or at least partially ...to her family. Let alone to others. She would rather be on the outside, forcing people to wonder, rather than having people look at her because they knew the truth.

She frowned. Still somehow she had let Quinn in. However, she was reminded tonight that Quinn didn't know anything about what happened to her. Brittany told her that she didn't know how to be there for her. She missed so desperately who they used to be. Did she need to know in order to get her? … to love her? She bit her lip. It wasn't just about rejection. It was so much more than that. Loving and being loved was hard enough, but … doing it under the judgement of others, as they criticized the "lifestyle" twisted Santana's insides even more. Would they whisper, 'it's because of what happened to her?' She frowned. Would Brittany think that?

She bit her lip. Did anyone know the reason for who they were? Do you become the person you are because of reasons or do things just happen? She groaned and rested her head on the sink.

She hated tutoring but the idea of returning to school made her want to vomit. She was a private person because she didn't know the truth about herself. I mean who did? And now... after an extra week of gossip in their absence, she would arrive back at school more vulnerable. She had to be ready. She had to be tough or else they would think they won.

She paused and looked at herself in the mirror. Won what, exactly? Fuck, she groaned. She couldn't think about this anymore. She couldn't think about any of this. She just wanted to -

She froze.

She could hear Noah singing softly to Rachel in the other room. She looked through the slightly ajar door. He was singing the song. That damn song. She frowned as she felt her eyes tear up. She hated the Beetles but she would always love them.

_Six year old Santana peaked through the bedroom door. She saw her father rocking Rachel quietly. The sixteen month old kept waking up in the middle of the night. He was humming the song as he rocked her. _

"_I see you, Taz," he smiled at the door. He knelt down to her level with the baby still in his arms. He motioned for her to come in. _

_She frowned and walked to him. "What are you doing up, my little hobbit?" _

_She shrugged. "I couldn't sleep." _

"_You never can," he said with a soft smile. She looked at him with a frown. "This first night back after you visit your Mom's you two never sleep." He sighed and picked her up in one arm as Rachel leaned her head against his shoulder in the other arm. He walked out to the living room of the Brownstone. "Let's see," he said as he set Santana on the kitchen counter and walked to the pantry with Rachel. "Let's see... how about a midnight snack, Sanny?" _

_She shook her head. "No, thanks." _

"_Hmmm," he said with a sigh as he rubbed Rachel's back. He went back over to Santana and picked her up and walked to the living room. He set Santana in the glider chair and placed Rachel in her lap. "Watch her head," he said._

"_I know," San said rolling her eyes. She smiled at Rachel and poked her nose. Rachel frowned and looked at her indignantly. _

_Her father put a movie on and returned to them, lifting both of them and placing them back into his lap. "Alright," he said with a grin. "This is a perfect movie to put my babies to sleep at 2am." _

_The words "It's A Wonderful Life," flashed across the screen. Santana held her baby sister's hand the whole time as her father rocked both of them gently, waiting and hoping that the movie would lull them to sleep. Instead, both of them watched the whole thing, all one hundred and thirty minutes of it. _

_He sighed as he continued to rock them in the chair as the credits rolled. "What am I going to do with you two?" he asked with a smile. _

_Santana rested her head on his chest, listening quietly to his heartbeat. _

_He began to hum to them slowly as he rocked. He started out slow. His voice was raw and honest. _

"_Close your eyes and I'll kiss you. Tomorrow I'll miss you. Remember, I'll always be true." _

_Santana closed her eyes and listened to the purity of his voice as he continued to sing. It wasn't upbeat like she heard on the radio. It was soft; the melody of his voice wrapped around her safely. It was gentle and soft. He held her close and she looked over to see Rachel already asleep. She had heard him sing it softly like this a thousand times, but this was home. The acoustic and tenderness of his voice relaxed her. this was how the song should be in her young opinion. It's how it should always be. It was how he always sang it. _

_She eased her eyes closed with his arms around her. _

She looked at Rachel as her eyes began to flutter close. She entered the room slowly. Her brother looked up but continued to sing softly. He remembered how their father used to sing it. He sang it in the same tender tempo. Santana shot him a look that was a mixture of annoyance. She leaned against the pillows of her bed and took Rachel in her arms and her sister folded herself into her arms. She hummed the harmony against her brother's melody. She heard Rachel's breath get heavier and saw her grip on her George loosen.

"She's asleep," Santana whispered. "Now get out of my room."

Noah rolled her eyes and paused at the door. "You okay?"

"Go away," she muttered as she turned to curl next to Rachel. "Turn off the light on your way out." She watched him pause. "I'm fine," she responded into the dark. "Just go to bed."

He nodded and closed the door gently behind him.

…..

Quinn groaned as Shelby handed her the shampoo as the blonde bathed in the Shelby's restroom.

"Can't Santana help me shower?" she asked.

"No," Shelby said quietly. "You want to tell me what happened downstairs?"

Quinn paused. "Not really," she finally said. She sighed and forced herself to finish bathing. She turned off the water and took the towel that was stuck into the shower.

"Elyse is coming over tomorrow," Shelby said quietly.

"Joy," Quinn grumbled as she wrapped the towel around her.

"I'm here to talk when you need, Quinn."

The girl looked at the floor. "I know," she muttered. "I just …. I hate that I need to talk... I don't know... I just... I don't know what to say. Other than..." She trailed off.

"Other than what?"

Quinn scoffed. "Other than, is this a joke?" She looked up at Shelby and her smile faded. "This all just feels like a bad joke."

"Yeah?" Shelby asked.

Quinn nodded. "Yeah." She held out her arm. "Can you help me get this bag off?"

Shelby assisted her in taking off the bag. She waited outside of Quinn's bedroom as the girl finished getting dressed for bed.

"Okay," the girl called.

The mother entered the room as Quinn climbed up into the bed.

"I just want to sleep," Quinn said surprising herself. Shelby watched as the girl's eyes closed and she tucked the lamb next to her silently.

"Alright," Shelby said. "I love you." She saw the girl smile slightly with her eyes still closed. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Kay," Quinn whispered.

Shelby nodded and closed the door behind her as she made way to the next room. Santana had her arms wrapped protectively around Rachel. Shelby kissed both of them softly and made her way down quietly to Noah's room. She entered with a gentle knock.

He turned and looked at her. He was rummaging through papers at his desk.

"Hey," he said as his eyes darted around the room.

"Hey," she smiled as she entered. "There are stamps in the desk downstairs if you need them."

He looked at her in surprise. "Um... yeah..." He gazed at the floor uncomfortably.

"I would love to take you to look at schools," she said gently as she sat on his unmade bed.

He looked at her. "You don't need to do that," he said with a shrug. "I have it covered."

"Really?" Shelby asked with an arch of her brow. "Do you want to explain to me what happened downstairs?"

"Um..." he looked at the ground.

She looked at him as she crossed her legs and tilted her head. "Because it sounds to me that you were trying to get the attention off you and onto Quinn and it worked."

He sighed. He was pretty sure his mother bugged the house. She had ears like... He thought quietly. Like something with supernatural hearing. bats?

"I'm going to talk to her tomorrow," he said quietly. "I didn't mean..." He folded his arms in front of him uncomfortably.

"Is this about the trip you and Michael are planning?" she asked with an arch of her brow.

Yup, Noah told himself as he gawked at his mother. She had superpowers.

"I want to know what's going on, Noah," she hissed. "And I expect to know now."

He frowned. "We're looking at schools." He watched her unsure if she believed him. He continued. "With everything that's happening...I didn't want you to worry about it."

"You're my son," she sighed. Did she believe him? "I've worried about you the day you were born... and every day after that. Especially that time, your sister tricked you into sticking a key into the electrical socket... or the time she convinced you to eat crayons...And then I worried about her when you sought revenge by double dog corndog or whatever daring her to jump out of her bedroom window when we lived in the Brownstone." She shook her head. "My worrying about you four is never going to go away."

He sighed and watched her knowing that he had to stick to this lie. "I just didn't... I don't want them to know..." Shelby narrowed her eyes and he went on. "Pop-Pop offered me a car if I look."

Shelby scoffed. "Wonderful," she pinched her brow together. She sighed and looked at her son. "So where are you looking at?" Noah looked over at his desk. "You can't cheat and look at what schools you've filled out, Noah."

He bit his lip. Damn, superbat hearing. He sighed. Rachel, he thought. "Johnson and Wales," he said quickly.

"In Florida?" she asked.

He nodded. "Yeah..." He thought for a moment. "And Syracuse."

She looked at him with a frown. "Those are very different schools, Noah."

"I know," he said with a frown. "I just...Rachel gives me all my mail. I'm getting all this stuff from schools and... I just don't know."

She watched him carefully. She sighed. She looked up and closed the door. "You better be actually applying for schools, Noah." she frowned. "Noah Leroy Corcoran!" He put his hands on his hips. "Look at me." He looked at his mother slowly. "Are you applying for schools or not? Because whatever you're up to..."

"I am, Mom," he said quickly. "I am." He pointed to the desk. "They're right there."

She frowned and looked through the papers. "Your essays are done."

"Was that a question?" He frowned. "Mom, I've been writing essays since I could write. That's the one thing actually know how to do." She continued to frown.

"Why exactly did you choose, 'Punching Is Not Constructive,' as your writing sample submission?" she asked. She sighed. "Noah, go to bed."

"Mom," he started.

"I love you but I suggest instead of coming up with another random and untrue explanation that you tell me the truth in the morning."

He sighed. "Mom," he started.

"No, Noah," she said gently. "I can help you, but you need to let me."

He sighed as she started out of the room. "Hey, Mom," he called. She stopped and looked at him with a sigh. "Can I please go to practice? I will ask Coach but please if she says yes, please let me. I'm going crazy here."

She watched him. "I'll see." She watched him carefully. She walked over to him and placed a gentle kiss on his head. "I love you, but you have to stop whatever you're doing." She cupped his face. "I mean it." He gave a gentle nod. "I'll call Coach Beiste as well as Sue tomorrow and -"

An ear piercing scream interrupted them.

Shelby felt her heart in her chest as she raced down the hallway. Oh God, she thought. He's in the house. She raced down the hallway to Rachel's room and then scolded herself as she reminded herself that Rachel was in Santana's room. She ran across the hall and flung the door open. Rachel was screaming in Santana's arms trying her best to push her away.

"No!No!NO!" Rachel sobbed. "Take it out!"

Santana looked at her mother in horror as Shelby conquered up her instincts to step into action.

"Rachel," she pleaded taking the girl in her arms.

Rachel continued to kick and push away. "I'll be good," she sobbed with her eyes squeezed shut. "I'm sorry. I'll be good!"

"Rachel, sweetie, wake up," Shelby begged. She rubed the girl's back. "I'm right here, bug. It's Mommy. Calm down. Wake up."

Shelby searched her eyes. She wasn't there. Fuck, she thought. Night terror? Rachel pushed against her and continued to sob, begging her to let her go.

"I want my mom," she sobbed pushing at Shelby. "Let me go! Please!"

_Rachel squeezed her eyes shut and reopened them. She was terrified. She felt a body pinning her to the bed. She couldn't sit up as she was pushed onto her stomach. Her wrists were brought above her head while another hand pushed down her penguin pajama pants. She squirmed beneath him. Will Schuester kissed her neck as he ground her against the sheetless mattress with his hips. _

"_My good girl, I've missed you," he whispered inhaling deeply. _

_She sobbed into the naked mattress as her underwear was ripped off. "Iwantmymom," she sobbed. _

_Her body was slammed against the mattress and her head was forced up as he pulled her by her hair. "No one loves you, Rachel," he hissed into her ear. "Your family left you because you were too dirty and broken! Not worth picking up." _

_The door at the top of the stairs that she didn't notice before opened and she looked to see big boots descending. She knew those boots. She felt her legs being widened as the boots neared and the weight on top of her shift down. She looked up and let out a sob as the man in the boots stopped next to her. _

"_Hold still, Rachel," Hiram smiled. "Be a good girl." _

_For a short instant, she felt the weight on top of her disappear, but then that instant was over as something was shoved so deep within her she thought she was being ripped in two. _

"Rachel," Shelby whispered closely to her ear. "Rachel. Rachel. Rachel." She continued to rub her back. "Honey, Mommy's right here. I need you to wake up."

Rachel began to calm her breathing. Shelby continued to murmur to her quietly. She looked over at Noah who stood at the door anxiously. "Noah, go grab her neb please." She turned and looked at Santana and cupped her eldest daughter's face with her free hand as she shifted and rocked Rachel. "It's alright, San," she whispered.

Shelby felt Rachel jump in her arms. She looked down with a gentle smile and continued to rock her.

"You're alright, bug," she said softly. She rocked her gently. "You're okay."

A few minutes later Rachel had the nebulizer on and Santana's arms protectively around her. She brought in a blanket for Noah because he had fallen asleep on the chair next to the girls. Shelby peaked in at Quinn to see that she was still sleeping. She pulled the blanket up around her and kissed her lightly, relieved to hear the blond girl snoring slightly.

Shelby sighed and made her way down to her bedroom. She changed for the night, washed her face and brushed her teeth. She crawled into her bed with a heavy sigh. She reached over to the empty left side of the bed. She bit her lip, wondering silently if anyone would ever fill that side. She pulled a couple pillows from the left side and wrapped her arms around it, satisfied with the substitute.

She closed her eyes with a sigh. Her eyes remained closed for approximately ten deep breaths before she was snapped awake. She could hear loud whimpers and struggling down the hallway. Fuck, she thought. He's in the house. He is here this time.

…_._

_The door of her bedroom flew open. Quinn scrambled to the headboard of her bed as she watched her father come into the room followed by her mother and sister. She looked at them with wide eyes. She felt her body shake. _

"_Get up," he ordered. _

_She watched him as he began to untie his robe. She hurriedly crawled off the bed and over to him. She stood in front of him like she always did. However, her mother and sister had never been there. She couldn't read their faces they were like ghosts. He opened his robe revealing that he was only wearing his boxers underneath. _

"_Well," he said letting the robe drop. "You know what to do." _

_She looked at him and shook her head. She felt a stinging slap across her face forcing her vision to blur. _

"_I'm sorry," she muttered. He put his hand on the top of her head and pushed her to the floor so that she knelt in front of him. _

"_Take it," he barked. _

_With a trembling hand she pulled his shorts down and took his shaft in her hand. _

"_Now," he said slowly. "Show your mother and sister how much of a slut you really are." She looked up at him with horror. "Open up, Quinnie." _

_Quinn squeezed her eyes shut and opened her mouth hesitantly. He grabbed the back of her head roughly and forced his way in. As she screamed in protest all she heard was her mother laughing and Frannie calling her a whore. _

"NO!" Quinn shot up in bed. She breathed desperately trying to catch her breath. Her door burst open and Shelby came running in.

The blonde girl jumped back on the top bunk and pushed herself into the corner of her bed. "Please," she begged suddenly. "I can't. I'm sorry. No more." Her words were stagnant but quick.

Shelby's heart broke with the fear in Quinn's eyes and the tremor in her voice.

"Quinn," she started.

"Please don't make me," Quinn said with a sob and a shake of her head.

Shelby took a deep breath. "Quinn, it's Shelby. You're safe. Look at me, darling." Quinn jumped slightly as her eyes softened. "It's just me," Shelby whispered.

The blonde girl continued to tremble but hurriedly wiped her mouth and chin. The feeling was still there but she didn't find any evidence on her hands. It was a dream. It was just a dream.

"Are you alright?" the mother asked quietly as the blonde continued to tuck herself in the corner of the bunk.

Quinn nodded hurriedly. "Will you stay with me?" she whispered. "I don't know if I can sleep but..."

"Of course," Shelby smiled. "Of course." She climbed up onto the double bed in the loft next to Quinn. "I'm glad we got you the bigger one," she smiled.

"You really didn't-"

"I wanted to," Shelby cut her off. She turned and looked at the ceiling managing to give the girl space as well as remain close to her. "Rachel tells me that you two have a little book club during these twilight hours."

The blonde frowned. "Yes," she muttered.

Quinn felt her chest heaving. That felt so real. It didn't even feel like a dream it felt as real as her time with Shelby right now. Her heart was beating so fast. She was exhausted but she felt safe next to her. She leaned back into Shelby with a quivering breath wondering if her life would continue like this.

Shelby frowned as she finally felt Quinn ease into sleep. What was going on? The girls had nightmare but they didn't wake up terrified like this. Her mind remained full until she finally surcomed to sleep.

….

Shelby woke up to a hand smacking her face. She opened one eye with a groan. Quinn had rolled over in the bed and the back of her hand was now on Shelby's face.

"Ouch," Shelby muttered. She slowly removed the hand and made her way out of the bed. She tucked Quinn back in and cut through the bathroom to Santana and Rachel's room but paused at her reflection. "Yuck," she mumbled. She grabbed a hair tie and pulled up her hair as she entered the bedroom. Rachel was still curled up in Santana's arms. Noah continued to rest in the chair. He held the nebulizer in his lap that he had clearly turned off but fell asleep before setting it down.

She sighed and looked at the clock. She sighed. Three. Two. One.

The alarm went off and Santana grumbled into Rachel's body.

"Wake up, guys," Shelby pushed. "Come on."

An hour later the older three were still getting ready as Shelby finished braiding Rachel's hair and kissed her lightly. "I like your hair like this, Rach," she smiled.

"Thanks," she muttered.

"Do you want to talk about your dream?" she asked quietly. "Fresh shower, new clothes on. Brand new day."

"If it's a brand new day, why do I have to talk about it?" Rachel asked as she leaned into her mother. "I like the new stuff better... the ointment..."

"Yeah?" Shelby asked.

Rachel nodded. "Mumma," she asked. Shelby looked at her softly. "He's gonna get me."

"What?" she asked with a frown.

"I can feel it... I know he will," she said.

Shelby shook her head. "That's not going to happen.. I won't let it."

"But I know it will happen," she muttered. "Last night felt so real."

Shelby brought Rachel's gaze up to her. "I will do everything I can to make sure that that doesn't happen." She paused. "It won't."

She teared up. "It might though," she said again. "What about Quinn's mom's funeral? I want to go to that. You'll let me right?"

Shelby sighed. "Well, we need to sort that out. It'll be a burial but … you would like to go?"

"More than anything. I can't not go just because of him. You know?…." She bit her lip. "I just...

"It's just what?" Shelby asked gently.

Rachel hesitated and played with her hands as she continued. "It's just...if... If he gets me, can you bury me in my pink dress?"

Shelby froze. She didn't know what to say to that. She had no words, and as she searched for a comforting statement, much to her heartbreak the eleven year old went on.

"And can Noah play the song?" she asked a little too casually. "And maybe Sanny can sing and -"

"Enough!" Shelby hissed. She took a deep breath and counted hurriedly to ten in her head. She cupped Rachel's face. "I am not planning your funeral. It's not going to happen." She felt a huge lump in her throat and her eyes fill with tears as she looked at her daughter's confused face. "I won't let it happen."

Rachel's bottom lip quivered. "But it will," she murmured.

"No!" Shelby scolded, feeling her own body tremble. She counted to ten again, but only made it to three when Rachel began to talk again.

"But he's going to, Mumma," she said desperately. "I feel it. He's going to take me down to a basement and he's going to -"

Shelby reached out and put her finger to Rachel's lips. Rachel continued to look at her confused. She felt terrible when he jumped at the snap of her voice "No. No. No. No." She took another breath. "Why do you think that?"

Rachel shrugged. "It's a feeling," she muttered. She thought for a moment and then her gaze looked up. "Like... remember at Starpower when they were going to announce the first overall winner for solos in the jazz category? It came down to me and Gwen Lockley and remember I told you afterwards that when I was standing on the stage just as they were about to announce the winner that I knew I was going to lose? And then I did! I just…had a feeling that I was going to lose, you remember?" She watched her mother nod slowly. "It's like that," Rachel whispered.

Shelby felt a lump in her chest. She couldn't tell her child about the bathtub or the rope or the electric saw or the nightmare she had when all of her children were dead. She just stared at Rachel with a frown. She didn't have anything say. What if she was right? What if it was impending? What if-

Thankfully, the doorbell rang. She took Rachel's hand.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked with a frown.

Shelby turned and looked at her. "I will know where you are at all times."

"Even in the house?" Rachel asked.

Shelby looked at her daughter who just explained her funeral arrangements. It broke her heart.

"Yes," Shelby said shortly. She continued to walk down the hallway. "Downstairs in ten minutes! I mean it!"

Santana watched Shelby and Rachel walk past with Quinn. "What's going on?" she asked.

Quinn shrugged.

"Ten minutes," Rachel whispered as her mother led her down the hallway. "I think I made her mad."

Shelby opened the door downstairs and her heart instinctively swelled. Two officers stood at her door.

"Who are you?" Rachel asked.

"We're your look out," a young officer smiled at Rachel, but his smile faded when he saw the mother's glare. "You have some guests. They're on the list though so..."

Elyse entered the house and handed Shelby a coffee. "Triple nonfat latte"

"You have no idea how much I needed this," Shelby sighed.

"Good God! You would think they would know who I am by now-" Joey said pushing toward the house. "Oooh coffee," Joey said pushing into the house, reaching for the coffee.

Shelby pulled the coffee. "No way," she said dryly.

"Fine," she hissed. "Hey bug," she smiled.

"Morning," she said. "I made her mad so I have to stay with her so you have to try to keep your swearing to a minimum."

Joey and Elyse watched Shelby carefully as the mother took a large gulp of the coffee with a heavy sigh and her eyes closed. She opened them at Rachel's words and looked at Elyse. "Yeah we should talk."

"And that's our queue, Rachel," Joey said leading Rachel into the kitchen. "I'll teach you how to make coffee."

"I'm supposed to stay with my mom," she said halting.

"We're sisters," Joey clarified. "I count as a substitute. Let's go." She turned toward the stairs. "Get your butts down here!"

"Joey," Shelby hissed.

"What?" Joey asked.

"You're not supposed to scream," Rachel reminded as she took Joey's hand. Her aunt looked at her with a frown. why was Rachel being so clingy. "Will I be able to have some?"

"Some what?" Joey asked.

"Coffee," Rachel answered.

"No," Shelby pushed as she watched Rachel walk into the kitchen.

"What's going on?" Elyse asked once they were out of sight.

"I need you talk to Rachel as well as Quinn," she sighed.

"I gathered that," the therapist said.

Shelby sighed and took another sip of her coffee. She stared at the cups for a few moments before she spoke.

"She told me what dress she wanted to be buried in this morning," she whispered.

"Oh, Shel," she said.

The woman went on. "She uh... told me she has a feeling. It's like she's accepted that she's going to get caught. She doesn't know all the details right now."

"Details?" Elyse asked.

Shelby shared a look with her. "He has plans." She heard the older three bound into the kitchen from the back stairwell and Joey talking to them about the importance of good coffee. "He's planning to kill her," Shelby trembled as her tears flowed. "And I've dreamt about it and then this morning... she's telling me what dress she wants to be buried in. I kinda lost it..." She looked at Elyse. "I don't know what to do..." The woman never looked so vulnerable. "Tomorrow, Quinn has to bury her mother," she continued quietly. "I need to be there for her. We all do. I should just focus on that right?" She shook her head. "I just... Things that scare me … she's talking about so casually." She looked at her co-worker. "What if it were one of your kids?"

Elyse sighed and looked at her own coffee. "If it were my kids, Shelby, I wouldn't be half as strong as you are." She sighed. "I get why you're stressed. However, you can't keep her glued to her your side the whole time. The house is guarded and secure. She needs to have some space. All of them do."

Shelby bowed her head. "The others don't know what he bought... or what he plans to do and they can't. They're already scared enough." She sighed and looked at her coffee cup. "I … I .. I can't bury my kids, Elyse."

The woman nodded. "I know."

Shelby wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay. I know we originally planned for you just to talk to Santana and Quinn, but I really need you to talk to Rachel too."

Elyse nodded. "Okay. I can clear my schedule." She searched her friend's eyes. "What about you and Noah?"

She frowned. "There's someone that I want Noah to see but..." She paused. "Crap, I need to go help him pick out a car and I'm not sure-"

"Do that today," Elyse pushed. "Get out of the house. The girls will be safe with me and Joey. Just...get away from this and spend some time with your son."

Shelby looked at her. She could hear Santana and Quinn arguing with Joey about something. She sighed. "I … I'm not..."

"You are," Elyse pushed. "Get out of the house. They'll be fine."

Shelby entered the kitchen with her game face on.

"Mom, this is dumb," Rachel whined again as Santana and Noah continued to clean up from breakfast and Quinn and Rachel continued to sit and "eat."

"It's not dumb," Santana warned. She pointed to the chart that was freshly printed from that morning.

Rachel looked at her with a signature frown.

"You need to," a new voice said entering the kitchen. Holly smiled. "Your guards let me in."

Santana frowned and looked at Holly. "Are we going to wait to start with Rachel and Quinn?" Holly nodded as she sat her things down at the table. Santana arched her brow and looked at Rachel. "Take your time please."

"Nice try," Shelby said quietly. "Finish this up or double for lunch."

Holly looked at Rachel and Quinn. "Eat it or write a ten page essay about nutrition AND eat double at lunch."

Rachel looked at Quinn. "Is she serious?"

Quinn watched Holly carefully. "She doesn't look like she jokes. Ever."

Shelby looked at Holly carefully and pulls her aside. "Could you possibly do private tutoring with them today? Work quietly with each of them on a separate assignment?"

Holly looked at her carefully. "Sure," she said finally.

"I'm taking Noah after lunch to look for cars and the girls will be going in and out of therapy, but they will need someone to help keep them on track when they get out."

She nodded. "Sure. They all have plenty of work to do."

Shelby nodded and leaned forward a little more. "I need you to keep an eye on them. Anything out of the ordinary you will let me know?"

"You got it, boss," Holly nodded. "I saw on the news this morning that they're still looking for Shitster." Shelby looked at her with a confused frown. "Schuester," she whispered.

Shelby nodded getting a light glint of fear in her eyes. "That face right there," Holly continued. "Reel that in. If you're scared, she's going to be petrified."

Shelby nodded. "Yeah," she muttered. "Okay."

…..

Quinn walked into the study with her hand on her stomach. She sighed when she saw Elyse standing at the closet rustling through the games.

"I feel as if you're the lesser of two evils," Quinn said sitting down heavily.

Elyse frowned slightly. "Thanks?..." She pulled out a few card games and checkers. "Pick your poison."

"We're playing games today?"

The woman nodded. "Yeah, if that's okay with you."

Quinn chose Uno and began to shuffle the cards. "I don't know what you want me to say. I know you need to be here by law or whatever, but... I don't know what you want me to say."

Elyse nodded. "I want you to say what you want to say," the woman said quietly.

"I don't want to say anything," Quinn said sharply as she began to deal.

Elyse drew the card and began to play. "There is no right or wrong way to 'deal,' Quinn."

The blonde frowned and took her turn as she discarded. "I'm afraid of what this means for me... for us. What it means for my family... for my life... and who I am... What does it change you know? Everything? Anything?"

Elyse nodded. "What are you afraid it means?"

Quinn held her cards carefully. "I'm afraid that I'll be them..." She avoided the woman's eyes. "Because I'm... I'm happy. I think." She narrowed her eyes. "But I don't know. I don't really feel anything."

"Can I ask you something?" Elyse offered. "You don't have to answer it now but I want you to think about it. Maybe write about it in that sketchbook that you have yet to show me but Rachel keeps chatting about."

Quinn rolled her eyes. She needed to hide that notebook. "What's your question?"

"Do you have any good memories about your family?"

Quinn paused and looked at the woman. "What do you mean good?"

"Maybe ones that don't scare you or ones that don't leave you angry or -"

Quinn looked at her carefully. "I don't really want to tell you my good memories," she said carefully.

"Why not?"

"Because …" she mumbled. "It makes my life look even more pathetic."

Elyse watched her carefully as the girl picked up a card and discarded another. "Why would you think that I would think you're pathetic."

"Because I am," she said simply. She shrugged and shook her head. "I mean look at my life..." She shook her head. "How can I not be?"

Elyse looked at her. "You're not. Certainly not to me or anyone in this family, your family now."

Quinn sighed. "Don't say that."

"Say what?"

She chewed her lip. "That they're my family."

"They're not?"

"They're the closest thing to family that I'll ever have," she said honestly staring at her cards to avoid her eyes.

"Okay," Elyse said.

Quinn continued to look at her cards. "I don't want to jinx it."

Elyse nodded. They played a few turns in silence.

Suddenly Quinn began to speak. "If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell Shelby?"

Elyse looked at her. "I can't promise that if it's hurtful to you."

Quinn looked at her two cards left in her hand. "When people tell me that my mom is dead," she said quietly. "I have to remind myself that Shelby's fine."

She brought her hazel eyes up slowly to look at Elyse.

The woman smiled. "You don't need to feel guilty about that, Quinn."

She bit her lip. "But I do," she whispered. "I don't know at what point I started thinking of her as my mom, but …." She shrugged. "In my head she is." She shook her head. "Don't tell her."

Elyse nodded. "Alright."

"Uno," Quinn said holding up her last card.

Elyse smiled as Quinn took her last turn. "Looks like you win."

….

Rachel bounced her leg at the table. "I'm finished," she called to Holly.

Brittany, Santana, and Noah looked at Rachel with a frown.

"Are you giving her less work than us?" Santana asked with a frown.

"Santana," Shelby said from her computer. "Mind your own business."

"Actually, I've given her extra work," Holly said with a frown as she looked through the work. She asked with a confused scowl. "You did your book report already?"

Rachel nodded. "Yes," she muttered. "I had time."

"And when did you have time to read a book?" Santana asked. "You don't read before bed and -"

"Well... I..." Rachel looked at her family as she fanned her book.

Shelby looked up from her computer. "Did you get up last night, Rachel?" she asked pointedly.

Santana laughed. "No, she was with me, Mom." She looked at Rachel and her smile faded. "Right?" She searched her sister's eyes.

"I … I didn't last night," she said quietly.

Brittany watched as Santana's face fell.

"What?" the brunette asked.

"We will talk about this later, Rachel," Shelby warned as they continued their work.

Joey peeked up from her laptop. "She won't be doing work this afternoon," she said simply.

"Why not?" Rachel asked turning in her chair.

"Because you're napping," Shelby said casually. "Both you and Quinn. You woke up last night and you need your rest."

"But how will I sleep tonight?" she asked with a frown.

"You'll manage," Joey pushed.

Quinn wandered into the room with a frown and sat next to Rachel.

"How was it?" she asked quietly.

The blonde just shrugged.

"Rachel, are you ready?" Elyse called from the door.

Rachel frowned at her mother and slipped off of the stool and went to her. "Is this because of what I said this morning?" she asked quietly, but Noah and Quinn looked at the two because of the statement. Brittany watched Santana carefully as she frowned at her own work, hung over with a heavy gaze. "I didn't mean to make you upset," Rachel whispered.

"Just go to therapy, Rachel," Santana said heavily, still looking at her paper.

"Are you mad at me?"

Brittany watched Santana carefully. "San," she said quietly.

The sixteen year old took a deep breath and turned to face Rachel. "I'm not mad."

She felt Elyse's eyes on her. She did not want to talk to that woman today, but she knew it was on the schedule. She softened and looked at Rachel.

There's that look, Quinn frowned. There was that look, that Rachel look, the Rachel-needs-bright-and-shiny-things smile. She rolled her eyes and pretended to be caught up in her work.

"I'm not mad," she muttered to Rachel. She kissed her softly. "Go do your thing," she said with a shrug.

"Kay," Rachel muttered.

Santana watched Rachel disappear out of the room with a frown. She jumped when she felt a hand on hers. She looked over and gave her a small smile. She could feel the room's eyes on her. She turned and went back to her work. "I'm fine."

…..

Rachel sat down across from Elyse. "I didn't mean to make her upset," she said quickly.

Elyse gave her a small smile. "It's alright." She laid out some markers and colored pencils. "I thought we'd color today."

"Kay," Rachel said quietly as she knelt down at the coffee table. She began to color quietly.

"What are you going to draw today?" Elyse asked as she began to color.

Rachel shrugged and continued to color. "I don't know." She frowned. "I made my mom upset this morning."

"Why do you say that?" she asked as she watched Rachel color some trees and and a city in a background.

"I told her that I wanted to be buried in my pink dress..." she said casually.

"Rachel, why do you think you need to tell her that?" she asked.

"Because I don't want want her wondering what to do," she said thoughtfully. She looked at her with a frown. "When my Nanny Pierce died - well, she wasn't really my Nanny, she was Brittany's-but I remember that they all were stressed out because they didn't know the details. Like what she should wear and stuff." She shrugged. "I just want my mom to know."

Elyse nodded as Rachel continued to color. "But why do you think she should know? Do you think you're going to die soon?"

"Yeah," she said quietly.

"Why do you think that?" she asked with a frown.

Rachel stopped coloring and looked up, thoughtfully. "He knows stuff about us. He's really smart. I hear my mom talking-"

"About what?"

Rachel shrugged. "She's worried. There are more policemen outside. I don't think she thinks that I've noticed." She continued to color casually. She paused, but didn't look up. "When I …. when I saw him last he... he said..." she looked up tearfully. "Everything was my fault."

"Like what?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Okay," she said.

She continued to color. She frowned. "I just … I'm scared."

"That's okay," Elyse assured.

"I just want my mom to be prepared. I don't don't want her to be sad." She looked at Elyse as she continued to color. "I know that she's sad but pretends not to be... We do that to her." She frowned and continued to color. "I just want her to move on..."

"I don't think that she would ever get over you, Rachel, that she would ever not be sad," she said quietly and gently.

Rachel frowned and continued to color. "There," she said. "I'm done." She showed her the picture. It was a picture of a graveyard on a hill overlooking a city.

"What's this?" Elyse asked.

"My dad is buried here in New York. Do you think my mom would bury me next to him?" She looked at her hopefully. "I don't remember it a lot... but …. I Googled it. This is how I picture it in my head."

Elyse licked her upper lip and took a deep breath wondering how hard this must be for Shelby if her own heart was caught in her chest. "Rachel, I want you to do something for me."

"Okay." She smiled.

"I want you to write down five things that scare you most and why," she said softly.

"I have more than five things," she said quietly.

"Well, try to narrow it down to your top five, and we'll talk about it," she nodded. She began to slowly pick up with Rachel. "I want to ask you something, Rachel, and be honest. Okay?" Rachel nodded. "Do you think you deserve this Rachel? Do you want him to catch you?"

Rachel looked at her hands. "It's not that I want to..." she whispered.

"What is it then?" she frowned.

Rachel shrugged. "This whole town talks about me." She looked at her hands. "They didn't think I heard but... someone called me,... 'dirtier than trash.'" She frowned. "I wish for princes and happy endings... or I used to... But I don't anymore...I think this is just how my story will end..." She frowned. "It's just...fate..."

Elyse took her hand. "Rachel, nothing is sealed in stone." She sighed. "Can I tell you what I think?" Rachel nodded. "I think that maybe you want him to get you because moving on is scarier."

Rachel looked at her with big eyes as they began to pool. "It shouldn't be scarier...Should it?" She chewed her lip. "Am I a bad person?"

"No," she said. "Not at all, honey."

"Can I see my mom?" Rachel asked quietly.

"Absolutely," Elyse smiled.

Santana watched as Elyse called Shelby into the study. She peaked around the corner into the study and watched as Rachel wrapped her arms around her mother's neck in a hug. She frowned and turned back to the kitchen.

"Hey," Brittany whispered from behind her. "Talk to me." she pulled her into the front living room.

Santana shook her head. "It's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing," she muttered. She took Santana's hand.

"I'm just... I'm tired," she whispered.

"Can I guess?" Brittany asked quietly.

Santana gave a small nod. "Sure." She chuckled.

"You're upset because Rachel slipped out of your arms while you were sleeping," Brittany said slowly. "Literally and figuratively."

The brunette chuckled. "What are you talking about?"

"You guard that girl like she's going to war," she whispered. "Every time she does something that you don't expect you kinda freak out."

Santana teared up. "Can I tell you why I do that? Why I watch her? Why I …."

"You don't have to," she smiled. "Seriously."

"No, I want to," she muttered. "I want you to get it."

"I don't need all the pieces to get you," she said softly still holding her hand. "I just... I just need you to talk to me when you feel this way. Don't leave me in the dark."

"I don't mean to," she whispered.

"I know you don't," Brittany said holding her cheek.

"My dad died," she whispered slowly. "He left us with his husband, Hiram...or at least that's what I thought for a long time...It … it took me a long time to change my mind." She looked at Brittany tearfully. "He …. I had to do things with him."

"San," she whispered leaning her forehead against the crying girl. She cupped her face. "I will still love you. I am here."

"No, you..." she stuttered. "You need to know..." She looked at her. "It's like buying a new car. You need to know when what you're buying has a bad carburetor or weak brake pads or... "

"Santana, you're not a crappy car," she said gently.

She wiped her tears when she heard her mother's voice draw nearer. "I feel like it," she muttered.

She finished wiping her tears as her mother walked past the living room with Rachel in her arms. Shelby set Rachel down and whispered something in her ear sending her into the kitchen. The mother went into the living room and sat across from the girls.

"You alright?" she asked quietly.

Santana shrugged. "I'm fine."

Shelby looked at Brittany. "Could you give us a moment please, Brittany?"

"Sure," she nodded. As she prepared to walk away she kissed Santana softly on the cheek.

Santana watched Brittany leave with a heavy heart. Shelby stood and sat next to her quietly as she wrapped her arm around her. "You need talk to Elyse, honey." Santana looked at her hands. "I would love to listen if you want to talk to me."

"I'm fine, Mom," she whispered.

"You're not, San," she muttered. "I see you ready to explode. Please?"

Santana looked up as Elyse waited at the door. She looked at her mother with a frown. "No amount of talking about it will make it better," she muttered.

"It might," Shelby said kissing her softly on her temple.

Santana nodded and walked into the study. Shelby walked slightly in front of her. Elyse began to clean up the coloring and the papers. The woman tried her best to hide the picture, but it was too late. Shelby saw it. Santana was still looking down at her manicured hands.

"Go into the kitchen for a quick sec," Shelby said.

Elyse turned the picture over to her chest just as Santana looked up.

"Why?" she asked.

"Please," Shelby said quickly.

Santana nodded and Shelby shut the door behind her. The mother walked over, pulled the picture from her and sat down heavily. She frowned when she saw her daughter's picture. "Do you have any idea what Santana would have done if she saw this?"

Elyse frowned. "Yes," she muttered. "I'm sorry. I -"

"No, this cannot happen. They need to trust you and if Santana saw this she would have lost it." She shook her head. "I'm losing it..." She glared at her friend. "Please, don't be so careless. I know you are doing me a huge favor but... I cannot explain to my sixteen year old daughter that her baby sister is planning her funeral."

Elyse nodded. "Alright, I'm sorry."

"I know," Shelby said. "I'm sorry, too."

She sighed. "I'm sorry."

Shelby nodded and looked at the picture. "I know I'm putting a lot of faith in you to help my girls.. my family, but I need to trust you."

"Okay," she nodded. "I know."

She sighed. "I'll bring Santana back in in a couple minutes. Please make sure that is hidden in your bag."

She nodded.

Santana walked into the room with skeptical eyes. "What did you do to piss my mom off?" she asked as she sat heavily in the chair.

Elyse retrieved checkers from the closet.

"I'm not playing a game with you," she said quickly. "I'm just here to talk. I don't want to tip toe around it."

Elyse nodded. "What would you like to talk about?"

She shrugged and folded her arms tightly in front of her. "Do you think that people mean what they say?"

Elyse looked at her with a frown. "Well, I think that words sometimes don't properly articulate what people want to say. Why do you ask?"

She shook her head at the topic. "Did you know that my sister doesn't sleep? That she just... she slips out at night..."

"Does that scare you?"

She scoffed. "Of course, it does." She blinked back tears. "I'm just... She just slips away when I'm not looking..."

"That's scary," Elyse agreed.

"Yeah, especially with a psycho on the loose," she muttered. she looked at Elyse honestly. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Is there someone you would rather talk to?"

"Yes," she whispered staring at the floor. "Can I just talk to Brittany?"

Elyse frowned and watched her carefully. "What do you want to tell her?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "But I don't want her to leave me...but I don't want to hold her back."

"Why do you think you do that?" she asked.

"Because there's better and …. I don't know," she said with a shrug.

"Okay," Elyse said casually. "I'll make a deal with you." The girl looked at her with a frown. "I'll get Brittany in here and you can talk, I'll sit over there and not say a word... and then we'll talk without her."

Santana nodded. "Okay..."

She sat in the study quietly looking at her hands as Brittany entered.

"You got me out of doing my work," she said with a smile. "Thanks." She sat on the couch next to her. "What's up?" She eyed the woman in the corner.

"I um... We didn't get to finish with what we were saying before," she muttered.

Brittany shrugged. "We can wait. I told you that there's no rush."

"I want to tell you," she said quietly. She bit her lip and looked at the blond with a deep breath. "So you know what you're getting into..."

Brittany smiled. "San, I've known you're unique and … feisty... since the day I met you and you lined the living room with socks so that my sister would fall while she chased you in crutches." She smiled. "I don't think you're damaged..."

She frowned. "I promise you that you have no idea what you're getting into..."

"That might be true, but like I said before I just need you to talk to me. Not necessarily about how you got here but just …. what you're feeling now..." She looked at her and looked uncomfortably at Elyse.

"But I think that's important," she whispered. "I … I adore you... and I just...I don't understand what we are a lot of the time and I …. I'm scared about going to school...and I don't know what it means to be... to be … me..." She frowned. "I want to be more put together for you."

Brittany smiled tearfully. "You're always enough for me. You just never let me in..."

Santana felt her breath hitch in her chest. "I … I lived in one of my father's old studios with a crazy bastard for about two months..." She felt her breathing continue to hitch in her chest. "He did... stuff to me and Rachel... and...then... my brother broke out one night and we were rescued..." She stuck her tongue in her cheek to control her tears. "Then we went into the system because they had to check that my mom was okay to take us." She looked down at her hands. "Then when Noah and I went back to school... we got into so many fights that we were eventually expelled..." She frowned. Brittany suddenly reached out and took her hand. Santana felt a sob release from her mouth. "I … I don't know how to tell you …. what happened when I lived with him..." she whispered. "I'm so ...I'm so ashamed... but... Rachel took the brunt of it … I just..." Her voice trembled. "When you get to know me more, you won't find better parts of me...It'll just get more complicated..."

"I find that hard to believe," Brittany said quietly.

"It just... It gets bigger and scarier and harder... and I …." Santana looked at her tearfully. "I need you to walk away now... because... I … I don't want to lose you later."

"Santana, I'm here to stay," Brittany said. "I know we're only sixteen but... I would never leave you because of you..."

Santana laughed tearfully. "That doesn't make sense."

"Well, I don't know how else to say it, but I'll continue saying it."

Santana looked at her and took a deep breath. "No one in this world knows me like you do...I want to tell you my secrets." She frowned and looked at her hands. "Not telling you … now more than ever... makes me feel really far from you." Her voice trembled. "I …. his name is Hiram and … he had this room in the studio that he always brought me and Rach..." She bit her lip and shook her head. "But... he brought Rachel there a lot … a lot more than me and..." She frowned. "I just went in there five times..." She frowned. "I want to tell you but I …."

"But, you don't have to," Brittany said pulling her into a hug. "You'll tell me someday and I'll still be here when someday comes around." She pulled away and looked at her quietly. "You're still you to me, with or without an explanation." She frowned. "You know why?"

Santana scoffed. "Why?"

"My Nanny told me when she was alive something about you that always stuck," Brittany said with a smile.

Santana frowned. "What?"

"She said that you had old eyes and that things had happened that probably explained you but that you never let it excuse you." Santana frowned. "You never let what happened to you be your scape goat. I know that it probably changed you...but I really love the person you are. What happened," she shrugged. "What ever it is, made you who you are. I'm grateful for that... in a weird way. Does that make sense? You don't let it … be an excuse for your behavior even though it may explain who you are."

Santana looked at her carefully. "When did she tell you that?"

Brittany smiled. "When you moved here," she said quietly. "I don't want to be a cliche, but I think I've loved forever... in some way shape or form. I just wished that you love you like I love you."

The brunette sighed and took Britany hand. "Okay." She looked at her hand with a sigh. "Okay." She walked Brittany back to the kitchen in silence. Brittany was looking at her with pause as she watched her not so subtly from the corner of her eye. "Hey," Santana pulled her back suddenly before she stepped into the kitchen.

"Yeah?" she asked as she looked back at her.

"I love you, too," she whispered with a smile as she led her into the kitchen.

**This chapter did not end and go in the directions that I planned... AT ALL... I hope you enjoyed it.**


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

**A/N: In reference to Brittana, it's not as simple as Take Me or Leave Me. In some ways it is, but in others it isn't. I do have a plan with Brittana. However I am a strong believer that every relationship, romantic or otherwise is a challenge, because as people we change and grow and in relationships one of the most enriching, most heartbreaking, most demanding and most inspiring aspect is maintaining those relationships alongside all those inevitable changes that one faces over a lifetime and learning how to grow and change with that other person as you grow and change. I know that was a big explanation, but I want you to know that is my opinion. Thank you. Also, remember that Brittany and Santana are still only sixteen. They're growing and learning as well as figuring out who they are and who they are in their relationship. **

**Also, I apologize for the delay. I'm in the process of moving again. Super sorry. **

**Finally, I hope that this chapter does not disappoint. It's been building for awhile and hopefully you're satisfied with this chapter, but it's still going to build. I don't want to cause any further anguish for you. …..but I think it might. I think you'll all hate me. …. so … here you go...**

To All My Reviewers: As I have said – there will be a sequel or two to this story. I am not sure yet when it will start or when this will end because I have more moments and arcs in this story. However, I want to be clear – RACHEL DOES NOT DIE IN THIS STORY.

DeeleeAnna - Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you continue to enjoy this story. This chapter was difficult to write because there were some very sensitive / complex subjects. Thank you for reviewing it means so much than words can say.

littleredwriting - Thank you for finding my story. I am so happy that you reviewed about each character and the things you liked about each. It makes me happy to see what my readers take and like in each of the characters. Thank you again and I am glad you really like it.

Jared - Quinn rarely fought back because when she did she always got more. So she learned at a really young age to not fight back. The reading of Judy's will will be in the next chapter. Thank you for your review.

Taylor – Thank you so much for the review. I think you will really like the Shelby Quinn moments in this chapter as well but hang on because it gets crazy.

HayleyLouise – Two days! Wow! That is a lot of reading. Thank you so much and they you for reviewing. Dealing with Mr. Schuester is one of the top priorities!

leamicheleisawesome – Thank you! Glad you enjoy!

StormHallow88 – I love that you call them episodes. Judy's won't have a funeral just a burial and you will see it in this chapter so I hope you like it. Rachel is in a very dark place right now but hopefully she will be out of it soon enough. Thank you for your review.

Filmaddict –Well this chapter will also have you in tears I think. Rachel is scared to move forward. And at this point she can't see herself moving forward. But she will. Thank you for the review.

Drea LuRuiz – Thank you for your review. As you call him Shitster will be dealt with a little in this chapter.

Cookie07 – As always your reviews and recaps of the chapters always encourage me. I always love to see my readers favorite parts or pieces of the chapter that they like the best. It is so good. Thank you so much.

Xo – Thank you for your review. I encourage everyone to review I just would appreciate it more if it was constructive criticism. The girls are having night terrors not nightmares. They are far more intense and real feeling, you will see why in this chapter.

Lexie-Rae- Awesome review as always. Thank you so much. You put so much thought into your reviews and take time to post them I am truly honored. Keep them coming - hope you enjoy this chapter. It has taken a lot out of me!

dolphinluver46 – Glad you like it. Thank you

Iuterpi – Thank you – there is a big arc in this chapter – or two – all of these were planned but they are needed. I am glad you are still enjoying.

Piper – Quinn's was NOT a flashback – it was a night terror – it did not happen. Thanks for reviewing and I hope you like this chapter.

Guest – Rachel is not ready for friends. She wants and needs them but not yet. And she does have her fellow dancers. But she hasn't gone back to them. Thanks for the review.

stars4redvines – Its ok I understand and I am very happy that you enjoy the story. I hope you continue to like it. Thanks for the review.

Dave Green – Shue is NOT going to kill Rachel. Rachel does NOT die. Trust me. Thank you for loving my story. I loved your review.

alopez208- I think you will really enjoy the Shelby / Quinn interaction in this chapter. Quinn takes such a big step. Never apologize for your review – large or small I love them all! Thank you so much for taking the time.

Fangirl44 – Quinn is my betas favorite but I do love her also. San and Britt will keep it going! Thank you.

RainbowGleek – Rachel is NOT going to get killed. She will not die in this story I promise you. Thank you so much for the review.

Guest – Thank you

Guest – Thank you – Rachel's prediction will NOT come true.

Renata – Please never ever apologize for a long review. I am shocked an honored when I see the reviews – loving every minute of reading them. So thank you so so much. I am really glad you liked the Brittana scene. They are very special to me and I want to get it right. Thank you !

FlatWeasley – Well welcome guest / Flatweasley – a review is a review but I love when people log in and are not just guest. Your English is not terrible and thank you so much for reviewing my story. I am so glad you like. And no killing yourself!

Guest- Rachel is not going to kill herself nor will she be killed. I promise you. Thanks for the review.

Anna – Thanks for the review. They were not flashbacks though. They were night terrors. It will be explained more in this chapter. I hope you like it.

Guest – That would be a weird headline. We shall see if the sisters end up going with Noah. Those two will always be into something. Thanks for the review.

look4me - Thank you for all of your kind words and you indepth review. I love reading them. I wanted to get this chapter out sooner but life kept getting in the way. Trust me your kind words and the way you review the chapter keep me going.

Arielle – you are 100 million percent correct and I am embarrassed for spelling the Beatles name wrong. My beta/proofreader has been dealt with accordingly. I may her tattoo it on her wrist – she will never forget it now. Quinn and Rachel are very much a like but very different. Thank you for reviewing.

TommyH Thank you I am glad you enjoyed

thelastcenturian Trust me they all feel your love! I am glad you enjoy the story and thank you for your kind words. And soon you can punch Will I promise. Also, I adore your stories and am particularly hooked on Irrefutable! Cannot wait for an update (well, clearly, I will but am waiting eagerly)

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for the cookies! I love your cookies.

NayaFan – Thank you so much for your review. Your support is outstanding. I hope you enjoy this chapter. It is a crazy ride right now and they are all going to need hugs after this one. I changed it a couple of times and I hope it comes out correctly.

Gleek101 – You are so right no eleven year old should plan their funeral. And for a mother to hear it is heartbreaking. Thank you so much for your review.

Brittany looked over at Santana as they did their work. She had just returned from meeting with Elyse. She couldn't read her. She never knew what she was thinking anymore. She wanted so desperately to be in her head, but she knew that she couldn't. She knew in her heart of hearts that she was still Santana and she knew unquestionably that she loved her. She didn't lie before. However, as she watched Santana with a soft gaze, and as subtly as possible, Brittany questioned the depth of her words. People underestimated how much thought she put into her words and actions. However, Brittany didn't care what people thought as much as she cared about the people she thought of. She had told her she loved her. It was out there. She felt like a weight had been lifted and she felt better, but she felt something different. She felt a responsibility not to let Santana down. She meant every word that she said genuinely to Santana. However, she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that she hoped Santana didn't tell her the details. It was a tiny part but it was there. She wasn't worried that her opinion of Santana would change but she was concerned that she wasn't strong enough. It wasn't just about supporting Santana and being there no matter what they went through, it was providing the support that Santana needed. Brittany watched the brunette softly as she silently did her work. She knew that Santana didn't feel like she was good enough but Brittany couldn't help but fear that she wasn't enough either.

"What's wrong?"

Brittany looked up and Rachel was looking at her in a way that only Rachel could.

"Nothing," Brittany smiled awkwardly. "Nothing."

She met Santana's eyes as she looked up and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Rachel," Shelby called from her desk. "Focus less on Santana and Brittany and more on finishing that lunch of yours." Holly had left a few minutes prior and Quinn and Rachel continued to pout over their food. "I'm serious girls," Shelby said from her seat.

"No, I just want to do my work," she said quietly as she moved her food around.

"I understand that but you need to eat," Shelby pushed. "Quinn, I see you putting food in your napkin. Knock it off. Rachel tried it this morning."

The eleven year old looked up with a sheepish and deep frown.

Quinn frowned and threw her fork at the sink, causing everyone in the kitchen to jump and look up. "This is stupid!"

Shelby looked up and said calmly, "That was unacceptable, Quinn. Go retrieve another fork please."

Quinn frowned. "No," she shouted and pushed back from her chair. "This is so stupid!"

"Quinn," Shelby called as the blonde stood and started to storm out of the room. "Quinn."

The blonde didn't stop. She was out of sight. Joey put her hand up to Shelby as the woman started after her. "I've got it."

"She needs to take her meds," Shelby said with a sigh. Joey nodded and grabbed an apple as she left the room. Shelby sighed and turned to the girls. "We'll be out looking at cars for Noah and -"

"When can Quinn and I get a car?" Santana asked thoughtfully. "We both have our licenses and we both -"

"First of all, Santana, you're not getting a car anytime soon, quite frankly your brother probably isn't getting a car soon," Shelby frowned. "You all have broken so many privileges and are grounded indefinitely" Shelby looked over briefly at Rachel who was still moving her food around. She looked back at the girls. "Just because we're looking at cars doesn't mean your brother is getting one."

"But Mom, I don't-"

"End of discussion, Santana," Shelby said, turning her attention to Rachel. "Eat, please."

Rachel looked up and looked at the door Quinn left in. Shelby saw it; a melt down was on the verge of its arrival. Rachel rubbed her eyes. "I don't want to do this," she whispered. The tears fell harder. "I'm tired I'm just tired. I'm tired."

Santana looked at Rachel with a frown Sporadic, impromptu crying was usually left to Santana not Rachel. The older girl looked at Brittany and then her mother.

"Rach," she said gently and rubbed Rachel's back. "Mom's not being pushy because she wants to be mean.-"

Shelby frowned. "Thanks, Santana," she muttered.

"She's being mean because she loves you," Santana continued not seeming to notice her mother's look of irritation as if her children are missing the point.

She frowned at her eldest daughter and shook her head. "Rachel, you and Quinn are on this plan because you're underweight. However, I see that you've tried and are tired. Take this," the mother said as she handed her a glass of water and the pills. Rachel took the pills and Shelby wiped her tears. "It's okay to be tired," she said softly.

Rachel rubbed her eyes. "I'm just tired" she muttered, embarrassed that she was crying. She slipped off of the stool and took Santana's hand. "Come on."

Santana looked at her mom. "Be right back."

Shelby opened her mouth to protest just as Rachel took her other free hand and pulled at Brittany. "Come on."

"Um..." the blonde began as she was pulled up the backstairs.

"As soon as she's out, ladies, come back down here," Shelby warned.

Santana nodded and headed up the stairs throwing Brittany a glance as they followed Rachel up the stairs.

Shelby watched them leave with a frown. Something felt out of place. Suddenly her head shot up.

"Noah!"

"Don't scream, Shelby," Helen scolded from the stove. "Rachel, liked the pasta? I will make her soup. And Quinn, did Quinn like the casserole?" Shelby didn't really respond, but her mother nodded and continued to mutter to herself as she puttered around the stove.

"Thanks, Mom," she muttered as she peeked down into the basement. She heard him hammering. "Noah?" she asked as she walked down the stairs. "What are you doing? "

She looked around the room. It was in pieces. "Bud, how's the project going?" she asked the boy.

He turned and looked at her. "Um... I'm trying to change something around."

"Something? It looks like the whole thing," she said carefully. "What's going on?"

Noah sighed. "I'm making something for Rach? A place where she can dance..." He said with a mutter. "I just... don't really know how..."

Shelby smiled. "Come here for a sec," she smiled.

He sat down next to her. "I know. I know. I should be doing my work."

"Well, I'm happy you're taking a break." She wrapped her arm around his shoulders. "What made you want to do this?"

He shrugged. "She needs a place. A place where she can be. I mean San has... I don't know. Everywhere..." He thought for a moment. "I remember that Quinn used to dance." He shrugged again. "I just want them to have a place."

She nodded. "Like you did?" she asked. He nodded. She thought carefully about her words before she said them. "You're still not sure if you want to leave them."It was a balancely stated question that intermingled with a statement.

He frowned. "I just don't want to leave."

Shelby nodded and looked around the shambled room. She recognized in that moment that Noah was ready, but he hadn't realized he was. She smiled and looked at him.

"Thank you for doing this," she smiled, remembering originally Noah was trying to build an 'echo room.' "I love this idea. I think it's a good idea." She frowned. "But I don't know how Rachel will take it.-"

"You don't think she'll like it?" he asked quickly. "I can make something that she likes. I mean-"

"Noah," she said gently. "I want you to know that this is incredible. I will help you do this. This is great! However, she's just not sure because this." She paused and looked around the room. "This was all really ripped from her. We have to ease her back into this."

He frowned. "He broke her didn't he?"

"Noah," she whispered. "She's not broken."

"But this changed her." He frowned and looked at his hands. "I wonder what Quinn would be like if …." He stopped himself. "I just... I don't know." He gave a slight scoff. "I didn't see. I saw her everyday..."

"Noah," Shelby offered.

"No," he muttered. "It just shows how you never know."

She sighed. "So we're going to head out in a few minutes and look at cars for you."

He sighed. "We really don't have to."

"I want to," she smiled. "Plus we can spend some time together."

"Can I ask you something?" he asked as he stood slowly.

"Shoot," she said looking at her boy.

"You're going to adopt her right?" he said casually. "I mean... That's just the next thing you're gonna do. I mean it's the only thing to do."

She smiled softly. "We will see."

He frowned and hardened his look. "Seriously. She might hate it but you have to make it happen."

She nodded. "Noted."

He started up the stairs. "Don't tell her I said that," he muttered as he walked up the stairs.

…..

Joey chased after Quinn. "Hey, speedy," she called. "Slow down."

"What?" she asked whipping around to face the woman.

"Firstly," Joey said offering the the girl an apple. "Eat this." The blonde rolled her eyes and took the the apple. "Secondly," the woman said. "Step in here."

Joey led her into Quinn's room.

"This is my room," Quinn muttered. ."Shouldn't I invite you in?"

Quinn ate the apple quietly and silently took the bottle of water and pills that Joey also offered.

"Are you sad?" she muttered after she swallowed the pills.

"What?" Joey asked looking at the girl.

"Are you sad?" she repeated again gazing at the floor as she took another bite of her apple.

"About Judy?" she asked quietly, showing some vulnerability.

Quinn nodded.

She thought for a moment. "In so many ways," she said quietly. "I've been sad about her for a long time."

"Why?" Quinn scoffed as Joey encouraged her to sit up on Quinn's loft bed. "She was terrible to you. She hated you."

Joey laughed lightly. "That was just her... And I knew that deep down. It was just this brave face that she put on, but … I knew that she lost herself a long time ago."

"To her husband," Quinn muttered looking at her cast.

Joey nodded. "People change though," she whispered. "That's an inevitability."

Quinn frowned at her cast and continued to look down. Joey wasn't sure what she was thinking or what was going through her head.

"Why didn't you fight for her?" she whispered.

Joey looked at her sharply. "What?"

The sixteen year old girl looked up. "You let her become who she is when you knew... when you knew she was …."

Joey looked at her with a lump in her throat. "It wasn't my job to save her," she said honestly but with a cracked voice.

Quinn shook her head. "Then whose was it?" she frowned. "I looked through the old yearbooks. You were her only friend... her only ally..." She looked at her cast again. "You don't like the person she became but you watched it happen."

"If I knew, Quinn, what they were doing ...what was happening in that house," she said quietly. "I wish I knew."

"No, you don't," Quinn whispered. "No, one does."

"Quinn," she said quietly.

The girl shook her head. "No," she urged as she leaned against the wall of her bed. "No." she looked her in the eye. "You don't wish that... because..." She trailed off.

"What?" Joey asked.

She shook her head. "People weren't supposed to know that's my fault."

"That's not what you were about to say," Joey pushed.

Quinn shook her head and looked at her with a hard stare. "You're glad you didn't know. You're grateful that you weren't forced to know this way..." She shook her head. "This was my life." She muttered. "Now everyone knows...And I kinda blame you for that..."

She looked at her hard. "Okay," Joey nodded.

"You're where everything fell apart," she snapped. "All of it..."

Joey sighed. She knew that this conversation was so much bigger than its words. Quinn wasn't just angry and muffled in her emotions. Additionally, in this moment it wasn't just about pointing a finger, she was devastated and this was the only way she was able to articulate it.

"I'm tired," she muttered.

"Quinn, I'm sorry," Joey said softly as Quinn lay down away from her.

Quinn looked over her shoulder. "I don't need an apology and you don't need me to forgive you."

"That's not true," Joey muttered.

Quinn rolled over and turned in her bed so that she was on her back. She yawned. "No," she said blankly. "It's just this is our lives now and it's easier to think about what we could have done."

"Alright," Joey muttered as she made her way out of the room.

…..

Rachel pulled Santana into Santana's room. The old brunette wondered briefly if Rachel would ever sleep in her bed again. Santana wrapped her arms around Rachel as she spooned her from behind. Rachel hugged George but still her a hand wrapped around Brittany's hand that was laying in front of her.

"Thanks for laying with me," Rachel muttered with her eyes closed.

Santana watched Brittany as she held Rachel. It didn't seem foreign. It felt right. However, something was clearly on Brittany's mind. She opened her mouth to say something, but once again she was interrupted.

"I'm happy you're here," Rachel muttered.

Brittany gave a small smile and squeezed her hand.

"You're coming with us tomorrow right?" she whispered with her eyes closed.

"Bug, you're supposed to go to sleep," Santana smiled.

"Where?" Brittany asked tucking a piece of stray hair behind Rachel's ear.

"To Judy's …" Rachel thought for a moment. "When we put her in the ground."

Brittany looked into the girl's eyes with a pause. "Yes," she said finally, feeling Santana's eyes on her. "I'll be there."

Santana watched the blonde with a frown as she played with the back of Rachel's hair.

"I'm glad that you have each other," Rachel whispered tiredly. "Promise that you'll always be friends. And be there for each other and love each other even when you're fighting?"

Brittany gave a chuckle. "Sure," she muttered. She saw a small glint in Santana's eye and went on. "Why? Are you going somewhere soon?" She gave another smile, but it slowly faded when she saw Santana's face behind Rachel. "Rachel, why are you asking this?"

Rachel's eyes were closed. "Just in case," she whispered quietly.

Brittany frowned and looked over Rachel at Santana who was avoiding her eyes. She sighed and reached above Rachel's head and pushed back Santana's hair, causing the girl to look up. She looked at her with tear filled eyes. Brittany looked over at Rachel and felt her grip loosen. She looked back up towards Santana and saw that she saw it too because the older brunette was quietly extracting herself from the bed. Santana pulled the blanket up around Rachel and placed a gentle kiss on Rachel's forehead and motioned toward the door.

Brittany followed her and watched as Santana pulled the door closed behind her. The blonde watched her carefully as the brunette began to walk a step or two ahead of her. The girl suddenly stopped causing Brittany to almost run into her. Santana turned and faced her with a look that she couldn't read.

"You okay?" Brittany asked.

Santana licked her lip and thought for a moment. Waiting, as she gathered her words. "He's scared the shit out of her," she whispered.

"How about you?" Brittany asked.

Santana looked at her with a frown. "Yes," she nodded. She bit her lip. "I want you to know that I love you... I just..." She frowned. "That room still haunts me... the one I told you about... and Rachel gets scared but she doesn't know exactly what happened... Or at least that's what we thought." Santana looked at her hands. "I want you to know all of my secrets, I just don't know how to tell you."

Brittany took her hand. "Whenever you're ready, I'll listen." She looked back at Rachel's room. "She's scared and she had you."

Santana nodded. "I just need to be there for Quinn and Rachel right now. Noah too, I guess, but we need to be there for them, but I'll understand if you need a break from all this. It's a lot."

The blonde smiled. "In so many ways, San, none of this is new. It just feels new..." She sighed. "I'll be there for them, but I'm also here for you. You're my person..."

Santana took her hand. "Thank you." She paused. "I wish I could be better for you," she muttered

"That's it," Brittany said as she tugged Santana into Rachel's room across the hall. She grabbed the flower vase that held Rachel's key chain collection. She took them out muttering about how she would replace it later.

"What are you doing?" Santana asked quietly.

"Every time you say shit like that you put a quarter in here …. or some kind of money coin," Brittany said giving her the vase. "You, Santana, are who I want. You are perfect. Put a damn quarter in."

Santana gave a nervous laugh. "What?"

"I mean it," Brittany smiled. "I'm not going anywhere, but I'm not going to listen to this anymore. Hopefully, I won't make a lot of money in this jar, but..." She sighed. "By putting yourself down all time, you also make me feel that you don't have faith in me to know what's great-"

"Brittany, that's not what I mean," Santana muttered.

"I know these wounds run deep and I may never understand completely what has happened and what you're going to but you're hurting and I hate that," she sighed. "I learned long ago that it's not reasonable to 'fix' you because that's... not what I want... I want you to be happy and to … I don't know... none of this is coming out right... I just...There's a lot that you can't change, but putting yourself down to me..." she shrugged as she cupped her face. "It's something we can actually work on." She kissed her softly. "Because maybe," Another kiss. "If you stop saying it to me." Another kiss. "You'll stop saying it to yourself," she said with a whisper as she pulled back.

Santana leaned and rested her forehead on hers.

"Kay," she whispered tearfully. she looked around Rachel's room. "Remember when we used to make forts with Rach?" Brittany nodded. "We should do that."

The blonde nodded. "Noted."

…..

Joey teetered down the stairs. Shelby handed Noah his jacket as Gus waited in the back entry way with Michael. .

"Are you sure you have this?" the mother asked looking at her sister and mother.

Joey nodded. "We're fine. Go and look. Quinn is asleep and -"

"Rachel is out," Santana announced as she entered the kitchen with Brittany. She rolled her eyes. "In my bed of course.

"Please do your work," Shelby said to the girls. "Brittany your mother should swing by later to pick you up. Are you all set? Do you need anything?"

Brittany smiled. "I'm fine."

"Mom, we don't have to do this today," Noah started.

Shelby shook her head. "I want to look." She smiled genuinely at her son. "We are doing this." She pointed to the homework. "Get to work please."

"Have fun!" Santana said in a sing song voice. "I still don't understand why I can't look too..."

Shelby looked at her eldest daughter. "Because car shopping is a privilege, Santana." She arched her brow. "Not for people who try to high-jack cars." Santana looked at her with a frown. "I remember you trying to leave with the car. You were in the driver's seat, young lady."

Santana scoffed. "It was for a good cause! Quinn stole Noah's car!"

"And is she coming shopping with us?"

Santana frowned. "No," she muttered.

"Do your work, captain," Joey smiled. "You're digging yourself a hole."

"I will pick out something you'll like San," Noah smiled.

"No, you will pick out something that I like," Shelby corrected. She shook her head. "Let's go." She held up her phone. "Call me please. if anything comes up."

Helen shook her head. "It won't."

"Don't jinx it," Shelby and Joey scolded.

She shook her head as Shelby, Michael and Noah followed Gus out of the house to start their journey to the car dealership

_Quinn felt herself being yanked into her father's room. How did she get here? She felt her heart beating in her chest; she felt the tension in her chest; she felt the grip on her arm. The wasn't her remembering. It was something else. It was real. She tugged her body away from him. It couldn't be real. He was gone. He was in prison and -_

_She couldn't get free from his grip. It was real. It was happening and it was going on. _

"_Please, don't," she begged as she felt herself being tossed to the floor. _

_He frowned and began to unthread his belt. He hauled her up by his hand and pushed her over the couch. _

"_Please," she begged. "I'm sorry. I swear …. I..."_

"_Shut up!" he bellowed. He staggered to the closet. He was drunk. He was usually drunk when this happened, but not all the time. She frowned. What was going on? Something felt different; something was definitely off. She felt her breath hitch in her chest. He kept the cane in the closet. Please not the cane. _

_But he didn't pull out the cane. _

_Her eyes bulged out of her head as both Santana and Rachel were hauled out of the closet and thrown to the floor. Rachel looked the same as she did in the hospital. She was bruised and bleeding; her face was tear stained. She was naked and exposed. Quinn's eyes darted to Santana. She had never seen her strong sister like that before. She was uncovered in every way she could be; her vulnerability was so raw and terrifying that the blonde wanted nothing more than to protect her. Quinn saw that she too was bleeding in the same places that Rachel was. Quinn held back a sob and tried to move toward them but was slammed against the desk instead. _

_She felt her father leaning over her. "Had some fun with them before you got here," he hissed as he pulled her dress up over her. "Now, it's your turn."_

_She gripped the far side of the desk. There were rarely times that she really fought back, at least not in the ways she wanted to. Typically, she whimpered and pushed away weakly, but she never made an effort, made the effort that she knew she could achieve, but in this moment when her only family was lying on the ground she knew she had no other choice. She pushed against him with every muscle and ever fiber of strength that she had cultivated since she began dance and cheerleading. She managed to turn in his arms so that she was facing him, but still pinned underneath him. _

_Her father fought to keep her still. _

"_WHAT THE HELL!" he bellowed. She pushed against him with her eyes squeezed shut to muster her strength She heard Rachel screaming as she attempted to fight him. He didn't move. She felt her body slam down again, but she felt a weight lifted. She opened her eyes and rushed over to the girls. _

"_Are you okay?" she whispered to them. _

_Before she could respond, she felt herself being yanked back over to the desk. A flash of the fire in the fireplace flashed across her line of vision. When had he lit the fire? He never lit the fire... he never …. She looked over her shoulder just as she was pushed over her father's wooden desk. She felt the familiar feeling of her dress being pulled up and her underwear being pulled down... Fire, she thought, what was it lit... What was he going to do? ….. She searching her mind. Her father only... had... only put his... She couldn't even finish her thought in her head. It only had happened five times... That was why she left the house that night, the night that ruined everything. She left that house because she was so torn by the stupidest fact. The fact that she would have to count on her other hand now the times that they were together if... and when... he came back. That simple fact, not everything else was what pushed her out of the house. But the fire... Her mind was jumping around so much. Why was the fire? _

_Suddenly, she realized that he wasn't on top of her anymore. She looked over her shoulder and he was stalking toward her. _

_She froze. _

_The fire. _

_He had a fire poker in his hand. They had all of the tools for building a fire for show, but they never had fires in the house. The chimney's weren't even clear. She frowned. The poker wasn't a poker but it had been formed into an "F." She clawed at the desk and pushed away but somehow she was held there. Somehow she couldn't move. She couldn't get away as she felt the searing brand on her backside as her father marked her permanently. _

"_This is the only family you will be part of," he hissed as Quinn screamed as her skin began to sear. "Remember who your real family is, Quinn." _

Joey looked around the kitchen. What was she forgetting? Noah was with Shelby. Quinn and Rachel were asleep and Brittany and Santana were looking not so subtly at each other as they did their work.

Her thoughts were broken when she heard thumping noises. Knocking noises. It sounded like a struggle.

"Mom," she called looking up the stairs. "Stay here." Santana stood looking up the stairs. "You, too." She looked at them with a cold stare. Santana opened her mouth to protest but Joey cut her off. "I mean it."

Joey started up the back stairs and toward the girls' room. Her heart beat fast as she wondered what she would find. She heard the tosing. It sounded like something was hitting the wall. She frowned. It sounded like... She heard grunting and struggling. Quinn, she thought. Her pace quickened as she grabbed the cordless phone from the hallway as she made her way into the bedroom. She heard a scream.

She opened the door and ran to Quinn's lofted bed. The girl had pushed herself to the corner of her bed. Her cast was banging against the side railing of the bed. Her face was beaded with sweat and her breathing was rapid and chaotic.

"Quinn," Joey said as she climbed up into the large loft bed. "You need wake up."

The girl let out a scream. She looked over her shoulder and Santana was standing at the door looking at Quinn's distressed form with pained, helpless eyes. She rushed over with confident strides, climbing into the bunk, and took Quinn's head and kept her from hitting it anymore.

"Quinn," Santana called. "Quinn."

She cradled her head and saw Brittany staring at the scene wide eyed and frozen at the entrance to the room.

"Quinn," Joey tried again, dodging a flailing arm from hitting her square in the face.

"Quinn!" Santana called again.

The girl pushed them away with a whimper. "No! NO!" she called with her eyes squeezed shut. "Don't, Sir! Please, don't! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

She was sobbing. Santana had never seen anyone sob in their sleep.

"Quinn!" she shouted.

The girl jumped awake and opened her eyes. She felt arms around her and she scooted back in her bed. "Don't! Please!" she continued to sob. "Don't!"

She breathed heavily. Her heart was out of her chest and her breathing was ragged. She felt her body and looked at her bottom quickly. Nothing. Nothing. Where was she? She looked around. She spotted Joey in front of her. She held her lamb instinctively to her chest.

"He's not here?" he asked quietly. It was a mixture of a statement and a question, as if she knew.

Joey shook her head, kneeling in front her. "No, honey. He's not here. He's in prison." She wiped the hair that was matted to the young girl's face with sweat off of her face. "He isn't going to get you ever again."

She took a breath, still breathing heavily. She felt someone behind her wipe her hair off her neck. How was she all sweaty? She looked behind her and Santana was staring at her softly.

"You're okay," she said in a whisper. She turned her body toward the other girl. She was so relieved. It wasn't real. It wasn't, she told herself as she looked at her sister in relief. How could something so terrifying not be real? She realized Santana was watching her.

Santana gave a faint smile and a quiet nod. "Yeah, I'm okay. We're all okay."

Quinn nodded and rested her wet forehead on her sister's shoulder. "Okay."

Santana glanced at her Aunt as she rubbed Quinn's back. Joey's eyes were darting at Quinn with a deep set frown. Santana looked at the door and Brittany was staring back at them with confused tear filled eyes.

"What was that?" Brittany asked barely above a whisper.

Quinn looked up at Brittany and the taller blonde felt like a deer caught in the headlights. She wanted to be there. She wanted to help. She wanted to support. She wanted all of that, but nothing could have prepared her for that. For seeing her childhood best friend like that, for seeing all the clues that she missed before.

Quinn opened her mouth and looked around with a shake of her head. "I don't...," she muttered. "I don't know," she said more strongly. She frowned and played with the roughness of her cast. "I felt it all. All of it." She shook her head. "It was so real and... I couldn't... I couldn't get away..."

Joey looked at her with a frown. "That was different than anything before...worse than a bad dream..."

"Rachel had one last night," Santana whispered. "She was kicking and screaming...It was like she was in it."

The brunette looked at her hands as if they knew her helplessness best.

"I had one too," Quinn said interrupting her thoughts. "...Last night I mean..." She looked at Joey. "They're so different... They're so real. It's like you're stuck in them. It's as if that's the reality."

"Night terrors."

Santana looked at the door at the blonde who spoke.

"Night terrors," Brittany said more loudly. "Sometimes..." She shook her head. "They're bigger than just dreams..." She felt the three pairs of eyes on her. "When... when my Papi came back from the war, he would have them... My Nanny would talk about it. I've .. just... I've never seen one..."

Quinn looked at her with conflicted eyes. "I didn't …. I didn't go to war."

Brittany looked at her hands. "In so many ways you did," she whispered. She looked at her tearfully. "You all did."

Santana looked at her with a frown. She saw Brittany in a way that she never saw her before. She realized in that moment that Brittany had been left behind. Maybe they were all finally catching up. Maybe they were all finally seeing each other.

Joey sighed and looked at the girls. "Let's move you downstairs to the living room. You can curl up on the couch."

Quinn looked around. "I like my bed. I slept well in it before," she muttered.

Joey nodded. "But if you have a …. " She paused. "I just don't want you to fall out." She frowned for a second and looked at the door and into the hallway.

"It's probably all the stuff that is happening," Brittany said quietly leaning against the side of the bed.

Quinn looked up from her cast. "What about medication?"

Brittany frowned. "I don't know. I know later when my Papi died my Nanny had to change her medication a lot because her dreams were too crazy." Brittany shrugged. "But she didn't have … um... that... She just... She was sad and couldn't sleep." She looked at Santana. "I don't know if this is helping."

"It is," Santana and Quinn said at the same time.

Quinn looked at her. "We just started on these new pills. It must be them. I don't care what Shelby says. I would rather not sleep then sleep like that... it's... too intense..." She trailed off. "It was too much." She looked at Santana. "It was too real."

And as if on queue, a blood curling scream echoed from Santana's room.

_Rachel had her hands over her face as she hid behind the couch. This felt familiar. They were in their family room. Dexter was on. She wasn't allowed to watch it. Santana and Noah were barely allowed to watch it. She was supposed to be asleep. She watched as Dexter took his power tool and lowered it toward his victim. Her eyes widened and she ducked behind the couch with her fingers over her eyes and her thumbs in her ears. She breathed rapidly. Oh, no. Oh, no! she repeated in her head. She suddenly felt arms wrap around her and pick her up gently. This had happened. Her mom had put her back to bed. She was safe. She was safe. She was-_

_She opened her eyes and pushed back, but the arms held her tightly. _

_It was Mr. Schuester. _

_She pushed away from him with a sob. "No. No. No." She couldn't get free. _

"_No, no, Rachel," he smiled. "No, no." _

_She squeezed her eyes shut and found herself in dark room covered in plastic. She began to cry. Dexter only kills bad people. He only made bad people pay... He made the world a better place. She let out a sob but didn't hear herself. Her mouth was covered. She opened her eyes and she saw him standing over her. _

"_Hi," he smiled holding up something shiny. She sobbed. It was a knife._

_She felt him cut her cheeks. She shook and tried to get up. She could feel the constraints of the plastic. It was so tight. She wanted to stop her cheeks from stinging she wanted to get up. _

_He walked around her. His steps echoed through the plastic covered room she was just now noticing. "You should have allowed me to take you before." He ran his hand over her cheek. "Look at all the troubles you've caused," she whispered. He ran her hand down her leg. She sobbed as she realized she wasn't wearing anything but the plastic and her legs were pried open. _

"_I want my mom," she sobbed. _

_He took the tip of the knife. It felt so real and so sharp, even over the plastic. It trailed up her leg. She let out a sob as her bladder released. _

"_You can't even control that," he mocked. "You're sure a baby." He chuckled as she leaned closer to her, climbing on the table. "I'll make sure you never grow up. You're such a waste to everyone but me. You're mine." _

_She let out a sob as he climbed on top of her and felt the knife slowly sink into her stomach and the pain set it. _

She felt arms around her. She could still feel the knife. She breathed rapidly. There was a wetness around her. She paused. Where was the plastic? She pushed away at the arms that held her. He was going to rape her. He was going to hurt her. She sobbed and pushed away.

"No, please," she pushed away.

She felt another hand. There were three hands on her. One was stroking her hair.

"Bugs, wake up."

She paused. "Santana?"

"Yeah," the voice said. She opened her eyes and turned to her sister. She released a sob of relief and wrapped her arms around Santana. She paused and realized that Joey had been holding her before.

She let out a sob into Santana's shoulder. "I had an accident," she whispered.

"It's okay," Santana said looking over her shoulder at her aunt and her grandmother who just entered the room. Joey explained what was going on quietly. She carried Rachel toward the bathroom.

"Go watch your face, dear," Nana said gently to Quinn. "And change your clothes. You'll be more comfortable."

Quinn gave a gentle nod and left the room. Helen reached to take Rachel from the girl. The eleven year old let out a scream. "No, please please! Let me stay with my sister please!"

Helen put her hands up. "Alright, Rachel," she said rubbing the girl's back. She looked at Santana as she continued to talk to the young girl. "She's not going anywhere, Rach, but I'm going to come help you."

Rachel melted back into Santana's arms. "Don't leave," she whispered into Santana's neck.

"I won't," she whispered back.

She heard her grandmother instruct Joey to strip the bed and follow Quinn and now Brittany. She turned her attention back to Rachel. She was still shaking and her face was tear stained.

"Hey," she said gently. "You're okay. We'll take care of this."

Rachel flushed as she looked down at her damp clothes. She looked at Santana, embarrassed and ashamed. "I'm …. I'm sorry..."

Rachel remembered sleeping frequently with Santana and wetting the bed. She always felt badly about it. It was part of the reason why she was so embarrassed. She wasn't five years old anymore. She thought more deeply. She shouldn't be acting like this.

She frowned and looked at Rachel. She could see that Rachel had retreated slightly and let the guilt and humiliation engulf her as a truth. It was familiar. Rachel wet the bed long before their father died. She had high anxiety. Then after everything happened, she had difficulty long after too. Santana sighed. No one was ever as disappointed in Rachel as Rachel was.

"Bug?" she whispered. "It's okay." She leaned her head down so she could meet Rachel's downcast eyes. "It's okay," she repeated.

"I'm sorry," she whispered . "I didn't mean to...I didn't … I'm sorry."

Santana pulled her into her arms. "Don't be sorry. You were scared."

She held Rachel quietly rocking her back and forth. She knew how to clean her up. She knew how to take care of her. She frowned, so did Rachel. She used to be so mortified by it all that she tries so hard to take care of herself.

"Quinn had a bad, bad dream too," she whispered with Rachel in her arms. "We think it's the medicine."

Rachel just continued to hug Santana. She rested her head on Santana's shoulder.

"I don't want him to get me," she whispered. "I don't."

Santana smirked quietly. "Who said you did, bug?" She didn't feel Rachel smile back. She pulled away slightly. "What?" She searched her eyes. "what are you talking about?"

Rachel looked at her quietly. "Can I change?" She avoided Santana's eyes. " My clothes."

Santana nodded slightly with a heavy heart and looked at her sister. Was she giving up? She pushed aside her own devastation about it, pausing for a brief moment thinking of Quinn, burying her mother later in the afternoon. She looked briefly at Rachel. She couldn't bury Rachel. She wouldn't. she looked ather. She needed her to understand that. She gave Rachel a soft smile. "Yeah," she whispered. "Lets get you changed."

Santana helped Rachel clean up and helped her pull on Santana's hoodie that was hanging on the back of the door. She pulled up the hood and tugged the strings gently so that Rachel's face was poking out .

"There," she smiled. "Good as new." She was sitting on the closed toilet seat lid. She pulled Rachel into her arms and rested her chin on the top of her head. "I love you a lot, you know."

Rachel nodded. "I know," she said quietly leaning into her. "I love you, too." She looked at Nana who finished rinsing out her clothes at the sink.

"I'll pop them in the wash next," she smiled. "No, big deal."

Rachel lowered her head. It was still a big deal if they were still talking about it. She frowned up at Santana. "I didn't mean to mess up your bed. I promise I'll try not to..."

"It's alright, Rachel," she muttered. "Don't worry about it. I mean maybe I can get a new mattress. In the least we're sleeping in your room tonight."

Rachel gave a small smile. Santana kissed her softly. "You can talk to me about stuff. Kay?"

"I know," Rachel said quietly.

"Why don't we go down stairs and watch a movie and snuggle with Q and Brit until Mom gets home," she smiled.

Rachel nodded. "Kay."

.…

Shelby sat in the front as they drove to the dealer, Robbie's Motor Mall. It was the only dealer in Lima according to Bear. It was a family owned business that took over and bought out all of the small dealers. The business was owned and operated by Bear's high school buddy and his three brothers. There was no where else to buy a car in Lima, besides the internet. Gus drove them in Shelby's Range Rover. She insisted that they not draw attention with a police cruiser.

She turned in her seat and faced her son and father. "Noah, just because we're looking does not mean that we're going to buy anything today." Her father opened his mouth but she cut him off. "Actually, I'm here so you don't purchase anything. I guarantee you we are not buying anything."

"Shelby," Michael began.

"My son," she said shortly, glaring at her father. "No car today."

"Why are we even looking?" Noah asked.

"Do you want a car or not?" Shelby asked. She took a deep breath. "Sorry. We're looking because I'm not buying you a two seater. You're getting a practical and safe car-"

"Because of what happened?" he asked.

Shelby looked him in the eye. "Your car did not cause the accident. We're getting you a safe and practical car because I want this one to last you a long time."

He sighed. "I don't need a car, Mom." He thought for a moment. "I only need it to and from school. It's pretty much going to be San's and Quinn's. They should come and-"

Shelby turned to him. "You'll need a car at school, Noah." She searched his face.

"Yeah," he said as his eyes darted. "Yeah..."

"Plus," she said turning forward again. "Your sisters won't be driving anytime soon." She turned and looked at him over her shoulder. "You have been very good lately. Too quiet, but good. I really would like you to go and talk with someone."

"Why?" he asked with a frown. "Nothing is happening to me."

He ignored their gaze and turned to look out the window.

"Noah," she started.

"Mom, I'm fine," he said quickly.

"There's a special group, Noah that you can go to," Michael began.

"I'm not going away again," he snapped.

"I'm not sending you away, Noah," Shelby said. She looked at him. She knew now that sending him away for the four weeks after the incident with in junior high was the wrong decision. He was still the same boy when he came back, but he just wasn't as angry. She looked at him. "We're not sending you away," she repeated. She looked at him carefully. "We just know that you're affected by this too and Dr. Jacobs would be able to talk with you about it."

He shook his head. "I don't want to talk to her. I have nothing to say."

"I doubt that," Shelby said as they stopped at a stop sign.

She heard her phone ringing in her purse. she took it out, bracing herself. It was the home phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey." It was Joey. "First of all, everyone's fine."

"Kay," Shelby said with a sigh. "What happened?"

"I just want to know the girls' doctor's name. Where are the pills? I would have looked on the bottles. But you still have this house childproofed like these kids are infants," Joey scoffed trailing off.

"Why do you need their doctor? What happened?"

Noah leaned forward and listened to his mother. He looked at Gus. "Turn around."

Gus looked at Shelby. Noah frowned deeper. "Don't look at her. Turn around."

"Noah!" Shelby said scolding the boy. "Respect, please." She turned back to her conversation on the phone. "What happened?" Shelby frowned as she listened to the other end of the conversation. "Night terrors? From the medicine?"

Michael leaned forward. "What are they taking?"

"I don't know," Shelby said with a shake of her head, but finally remembered.

Michael frowned. "We need to call the doctor to get them switched. I haven't had any luck with that brand with kids. It seems to always have side effects. Doctors use it though because it's the one insurances recommend."

Noah frowned. "Mom, make him turn around." He shook his head. "Rachel might need the neb at least." He shrugged. "I saw Nana doing laundry has she been having accidents again? Did she throw up?" He looked at Michael. "Pop-Pop did she throw up?"

Shelby sighed knowing that she couldn't go to the dealership even if she wanted to. Noah wouldn't be there mentally. This was about spending time with him and he wanted to be home with the girls. The mother looked at Gus and nodded. "Turn around."

…..

She looked around and opened her eyes. She pushed herself up. She was laying on the pull out couch in the family room. What happened to Mary Poppins? They were watching the movie. She looked around with a frown.

"Mom?" Rachel called nervously.

Shelby emerged on the other side of the couch.

"Hey," she said with a smile. "How are you?"

"When did you get home?"

The mother chuckled and sat down next to Rachel. "A while ago," she smiled. "Your brother laid with you for a little while." she nodded at the other couch. "He's napping too."

Rachel smiled as he snored.

"He helped you take the neb," Shelby continued. She watched as Rachel looked outside. "It's just about dinner time. I was going to come wake you up."

"What if I don't sleep tonight?"

"You will," Shelby smiled. "I called Dr. Cami and she called in a new prescription for you and Quinn."

"Quinn won't take it," she said in a matter-of-fact voice.

"I will take care of it," she smiled. "You wanna talk to me for a couple minutes?"

Rachel frowned. "Shouldn't you talk to Quinn?"

"She's upstairs speaking to Santana," she said quietly. "Don't worry," she smiled. "Your aunt is across the hallway folding laundry. I'm going to make sure they don't escape." She sighed when Rachel looked down at her hands.

"Are you still mad at me?" she frowned.

Shelby sighed. "I'm not mad at you, sweetheart."

"You're upset though," Rachel paused. "I talked with Elyse," she started lowly. "If …. I... " She looked at her with an innocence that Shelby cherished about her. "I don't want to go to the trial... I don't... I don't want to … to try to be better..."

"Better?" Shelby asked wrapping her arms around her daughter.

She shook her head. "I don't want to be that person that everyone knows will never be okay... " She looked at her mom. "I just don't want to."

Shelby frowned and looked at her daughter for a moment before finally asking, "Then what do you want?"

"I want it to be over," she said without hesitation.

Shelby nodded. "Over how?"

She watched with a heavy heart as Rachel looked up at her with raw honesty in her eyes.

The mother released a shuddering breath and pulled Rachel closer. "I know that this is overwhelming, but I will be with you every step of the way." She paused. "Rachel, that might not feel like enough, but I need you to know that I need you to fight for you." She frowned. "I know you're scared and I'm sure with everything that has happened with Judy that it must feel very overwhelming and that's to be expected." She watched Rachel carefully. "It's not just that I don't want to lose you I can't."

Rachel chewed her lip. "But …. you'll be sad for only a little bit. Nanny Mary died and Brittany's still happy."

Shelby held back her tears and pulled Rachel close to her. "If …." She felt a shake in her voice so she paused until she regained her pace. "Rachel," she whispered as she rested her cheek on her daughter's temple. "I will never get over losing any of you. I will never be happy like I am now with you four in my life."

"I don't want him to get me, Mom," she whispered. "I don't want to go in the ground... I just know that I might...and … I …. I want you to know that I don't...that I'm …." she frowned as she thought about her words. "I'm not scared..." She shrugged. "Well, I am... just...I'll never be that girl..."

"What girl?" Shelby asked.

"The one in the videos," she said simple.

"What videos?" the mother asked willing her tears to go behind her eyes instead of in front of them.

"The ones that you always watch on your computer," Rachel said leaning back into her mother. "The ones with Daddy in it." She looked at her mom. "I just don't want you to be sad forever. I want you to know that I'll be okay if …. If I'm gone..."

"Rachel," Shelby said with her eyes shut.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but it's important to me," she said quietly bowing her head.

Shelby sighed. "Thank you for talking to me about this." SHe turned Rachel in her lap. "You need to fight for you, Rachel. You're letting what happened hold you back."

Rachel frowned and allowed her voice to quiver. "It is holding me back. I don't want them to win, Mumma. I don't... but I don't..." She looked at her. "I can't keep fighting anymore. I can't... I don't want to fight against him in court." she let out a tiny sob. "I can't..."

The mother frowned. "This is hard. You're right and we'll be with you every step of the way." She frowned trying to explain it to Rachel. "Rachel, how would you feel if Quinn said this. I know you are supporting Quinn."

"I'm going tomorrow at the burial," she smiled softly. "I'm going to hold her hand."

Shelby nodded. "Okay," she continued softly. "So let us hold yours. With you saying these things, it's like you're pushing us away."

"Oh," she whispered. "But I'm not."

"But it feels like you are," Shelby pushed quietly.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Rach," she said gently. "Fight for you."

Rachel leaned back into her mother. She frowned but nodded in silence.

….

Quinn opened her eyes in her bed and rolled over and Santana was laid next to her in her bed. She frowned trying to remember what happened. She nodded. Shelby came home. Brittany went home. They slept. Santana and Quinn didn't say anything but stared at the ceiling. Quinn figured that Santana needed to talk to her too, but sleep overtook her before she could say anything. This entire day had just been sleeping and still somehow the blonde was still tired.

As she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, she remembered. Judy Fabray was dead. She frowned and looked at the ceiling. She was dead, she repeated in her head.

"Hey."

She turned over and Santana was looking at her.

"You know I only let you sleep in here because Rachel put your bed out of commission and because I know that you can't sleep alone."

"That's not true," the brunette scoffeed.

"Whatever," Quinn replied.

"You're going tomorrow right?" Santana asked quietly. The blonde turned and looked at her. The brunette rolled her eyes. "Don't pretend you haven't considered not going."

Quinn let her face go blank. "She's dead, San," she whispered. "She's going to go in the ground tomorrow and …. I just can't get my head around it." She continued to look at the ceiling because she couldn't look at Santana. It wasn't possible. "...I … um... I've gone over things over and over in my head and... I tried to leave the house that night because it was …. it was the fifth time." She hurried on quietly. "She knew... She caught me leaving and she was so mad at me …. She was mad at me because he chose me...she knew that he chose me five times..." She looked at Santana tearfully. "Your aunt was her friend... How …. How was she a person that Joey respected and cared for and then turn into a person that she was?"

"I don't know," she muttered. She reached out and took Quinn's hand.

The girls continued to look at the ceiling.

"I think about a lot of things that happened and think of all the pieces and the opportunities that I missed," Santana said quietly. "I can't...I don't know what your relationship with your mother is. She was your mother for sixteen years." Santana shrugged and she chewed her lip. "When … when I went back to live with my mom... after …. everything... everyone told me it's okay to be mad at your dad. And I was. I always have been because he... he brought that bastard into our lives and ruined everything..."

She took a deep breath and looked at Quinn. "It's okay to love your mom, Quinn."

"I'm mad at her," Quinn whispered. "I've been mad at her for so long but she …. " She looked at Santana. "I don't feel anything. I don't want to go tomorrow, but at the same time I feel too much." She looked at Santana. "I've never known anyone who's died. I don't understand where she is. I don't understand where she went..." She shook her head at the ceiling as a single tear rolled down her cheek and onto the bed. "I never told her I loved her, but I did...but I hated her too. She knew what was happening and she never fought for me." She paused. "But we're putting her in the ground..."

Santana nodded. "She's not in the ground and she's not going there," she whispered. "It's just her body."

"I know," Quinn whispered back. "But if she is not going in the ground, where is she?"

Santana shrugged. "I don't know." She squeezed her hand. "I hope you go tomorrow."

"I will," Quinn muttered. "I would give anything not to but...I need to. I need to wrap my head around it." She looked at her hands. "None of this seems real sometimes." She looked at Santana. "You know?"

Santana stared back at her with pause. She thought about it. She would dream about it to distract her mind and ease her heart. She imagined a world with her father still in it. She examined the other girl's features. In that one moment, she realized that while she herself wished for her father to be alive, Quinn was trying her best to reconcile the absence of her sadness. It ached in a way that Santana was never able to share with anyone. Not even her siblings. However, as she searched Quinn's eyes, she realized that the ambiguity and inconsistency in Quinn's emotions rocked deeply. It wasn't easily explainable.

Santana gave her hand a squeeze.

"It never does seem real," she said. "It just … is."

Quinn nodded.

…..

The rest of the evening felt numb. Quinn didn't know where to begin or what to say. She wanted to stay at the house. She didn't want to see Frannie or Russell. She just wanted to be far away from all of it because that's how she felt.

The morning arrived like an unseen spy. Now, somehow she had managed to shower around her ugly cast and she was glaring at her catatonic self in the mirror. She examined her outfit in the mirror. Was this right? Should she change?

"You look fine," she heard someone say behind her.

She looked behind her and Shelby was looking at her.

"Thanks," she muttered. "Are we leaving?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

She nodded and followed her quietly down the stairs and out to the car. She felt a small hand in hers and didn't need to look to know who it was. She needed to focus. She paused for a moment as she looked over her shoulder and around her making sure the police were in sight. She held Rachel's hand tighter. She knew how much of a chance Rachel was taking by leaving the house; she knew how much she was risking.

They climbed into the back of the car and drove silently. At the fourth stop sign, it occurred to Quinn that her father might be there. She frowned more deeply at her absence of panic. She didn't feel anything.

"Quinn?" she looked up and Shelby was leaning into the car. "Ready?" Quinn stared back at her with hesitation. "You can wait here as long as you need."

"No," she whispered, still feeling Rachel's hand in hers. She looked over and she was still sitting next to her in the car. She looked at her and then back at Shelby. It was now or never. No amount of hiding in the car would change anything, Quinn told herself. Her mother was still going in the ground; her father was still in prison. That was it. Nothing more or nothing less. Quinn looked outside the window at the empty area around the open grass. No one was here. She spotted a car winding in. She recognized it as her mother's car, a silver Cadillac, winding down the road.

She frowned again but slowly got out of the car. Rachel's hand had welded itself into hers and she was alright with that. She felt the family and the police follow them into the cemetery and she stopped around the grave. She looked around. There was not even a priest. Nothing.

She looked at the casket and remembered her mother's words echoing through her after a night of anger and punishment.

"_Where's God now?" she had spat._

It hit Quinn in that moment on the soft green grass that her mother hadn't been speaking to her like she assumed. She was actually cursing God for herself.

She looked over at Shelby. Santana and Noah stood silently next to her. Joey and Bear stood on the other side. She paused and watched Joey's face for a second and then turned when she heard someone approaching. She instinctively tightened her grip on Rachel's hand.

Frannie stood on the opposite side. Quinn barely recognized her. Her face was young and relaxed. She was drained. She paused because she hadn't seen Frannie like that in years.

"What do we do now?" Quinn asked.

"Um," Frannie muttered surprised Quinn was speaking to her. "I think we tell the man to press the button."

Quinn looked over and there was indeed a man standing there dressed in a loosely fit suit when it was clear he typically wore coveralls by the dirt marks still on his face.

"Mom didn't want God here, but she wanted the person who put her in the ground to look presentable," Frannie said quietly noticing Quinn's look.

Quinn nodded. "okay," she muttered. She looked at the casket. She hadn't felt a lot up until this moment but numbness. Now that she was there knowing that Judy Fabray, her mother for sixteen years was in the casket in front of her. She still didn't know what she felt, save a tiny hand squeezing hers and eyes on her. "I think I'm ready," she heard herself say. Suddenly she looked over at Joey. "Are you ready?" she asked.

Joey looked back her with surprise. "Yes," she nodded.

"Okay," Frannie nodded at the man and the casket began to disappear.

Quinn watched as the casket finally left her sight. she was relieved. She frowned. Was she? She took an inventory of what she was feeling. Still all she felt were the eyes and a hand in hers. That was it. She watched idly as the man in the suit with the smudges on his face began to throw dirt in unceremoniously. It was done.

She looked over at Santana and then at Shelby. "Okay," she muttered. She felt Rachel lean against her side.

Rachel looked up at Quinn and then back at the flying dirt and then back at Quinn. She had been looking around the cemetery waiting for the man of her nightmares to pop out, but now she was just focused on Quinn's blank face and the flying dirt. She looked over at Joey who was trying her best to wipe her tears before they escaped her eyes. Rachel frowned and watched Frannie scowl at the casket as if it said something mean. Rachel leaned into Quinn, waiting for her to say something. However, all she said was "Okay."

She looked back over at the other blonde girl, but she was gone. She was walking away. Rachel looked back up at Quinn. What next? She wanted to know. Quinn was watching Frannie leave in silence with the same look on her face but with deeper question in her eyes. Rachel looked over at Santana in confusion at Quinn's relationship with Frannie. Santana gave her a soft smile. Rachel nodded and looked back at the hole in the ground. She leaned closer into Quinn, suddenly remembering how out in the open they were.

"Can we go?" Quinn suddenly asked.

Shelby nodded to Santana in a way that only years of parenting could allow her to do. Quinn watched as the brunette gave her a nod and led Rachel away. Shelby took Rachel's place next to Quinn as the girl realized that the family was giving her time next to the casket of the woman she didn't know.

"Take as long as you need," Shelby whispered.

Quinn stared at the man in the loosely fitting suit and nodded as she watched the dirt fly. "I have," she muttered. "I'm ready."

"Are you sure?" Shelby asked.

Quinn looked at her. "Yeah," she nodded. "Mom, let's just go home."

Shelby watched as Quinn's face fell instantly and she opened her mouth to explain herself but nothing came out. The mother wrapped her in a hug trying to grab the moment that the blonde girl allowed her guard to fall.

Quinn felt herself being hugged but she didn't hug back. She tilted her head and looked at hole in the ground and couldn't remember the last time she had called the woman in the box 'Mom.' She reached her arms up and hugged Shelby back, knowing that the woman in the box wasn't her mother; she was just the person who gave birth to her.

"Can we go?" Quinn muttered still in the hug.

Shelby took her hand as she pulled away. "Absolutely."

The mother allowed a slight smile creep onto her lips as they walked back as Quinn squeezed her hand back.

…...

They returned to the house practically in silence. Shelby watched Quinn from the kitchen. The blond girl had been silent and clearly in her head. Rachel had tried unsuccessfully to conceal her anxiety of being out of the house and was now unsuccessfully clinging. She watched with a slightly amused sigh as her eleven year old followed Quinn around the family room as the older girl looked for the remote.

"Rachel, will you at least pretend to help me?" Quinn asked with a frown.

Rachel nodded and proceeded to look in the areas where Quinn had already looked.

Santana entered the room, changed out of her clothes. She frowned. "Rach, what are you doing?"

Rachel frowned and continued to look under the same cushion on the couch that Quinn just set down.

"Nothing," she whispered.

Quinn looked over at her with a tiny smile. "She's straightening up behind me," the blond said as if it was obvious.

Santana smiled and kissed Rachel softly on the head as she walked into the attached kitchen. "Alright," she muttered.

Shelby felt her eldest daughter's eyes on her. She looked at her with a smile. "They're doing okay I think."

The mother sighed. Why did her elder children act like idiotic teens one moment and her co-parent in another?

"They are," Shelby nodded as she watched her own mother enter the room with groceries. "Mom, I can afford to go grocery shopping myself."

"It's not that I don't think you can afford it," Helen clarified as she began to load the refrigerator. "It's that you don't have the time right now."

Noah walked into the kitchen from the back stairs. "What did you bring?"

Helen swatted his hand away. "Not yet," she frowned. "Out."

Shelby continued to watch in amusement as Rachel wondered close behind Quinn. She shook her head.

"Quinn, come here for a second," Shelby called as she pretended to busy herself at the kitchen sink.

The blond sighed and tiredly rolled in. She couldn't read her. Rachel followed close behind.

"Bug, can you please continue looking for the remote?" Shelby asked.

"I'll help you," Santana offered.

Rachel looked at Quinn, then back to Santana and her mother with a deep set frown. "Okay," she muttered as Santana led her into the living room.

"I was thinking," Shelby began slowly. "If you would like to get out of the house, you can come with us to the car dealership,"

"What?" Noah asked before Quinn could respond. "Mom, I told you we don't need to go, especially today..." He trailed off, realizing his lack of subtlety. He sighed and shook his head. "Sorry, Quinn."

The blonde shook her head. "It's fine," she shrugged. "I'm grounded," she said quietly as her fingers traced her cast. "I didn't think I could go."

"I think we can think about it, make an exception," she said as she continued to pretend that it wasn't that big of a deal and it wasn't because her mother was buried less than a few hours ago.

Shelby looked up and felt as if Quinn saw right through her poor attempt to allow her a small escape. Then it hit her. She felt like an idiot. Will was out there. Did she truly just forget that? The girls were terrified Of course, they're terrified. She was terrified. She just saw a woman she knew from childhood, the birth mother of her daughter, get put into the ground. She didn't want to to have to do that again. Rachel was following Quinn around the house. Where was her head? What was wrong with her? Should she even be taking Noah? The police are going she reminded herself. Where was her head? Where was her focus? She sighed.

"Think about it," Shelby said attempting to move on. She needed to push through. She met the girl's eyes. "I just thought I'd offer you an opportunity to get away." A look of realization washed over the girl's face. Shelby nodded. "Okay. We're leaving in a few minutes."

"Mom-" Noah said with a frown and confused eyes.

Shelby looked at her son. She sighed. She had been telling them that they couldn't let Will Schuester ruin everything. They couldn't stop their lives. She looked over at Quinn. She had a feeling that Quinn didn't want to nor could she sit in the house with nothing to do but think. She sighed and looked at Noah.

"We're going," she said blankly.

Quinn wandered back into the living room and curled into the armchair. She found an object in the room and tried her best to focus on it. Lamp shade, she thought, you are so strange. She needed something. She needed anything but this. She took a deep breath as she closed her eyes at the thought of going to the dealership on the same day that she buried the woman who gave birth to her... She trailed off. She called Shelby her mother earlier today... She trailed off again. Lamp shade. Focus on the lamp shade. She opened her eyes when she felt Rachel leaning against her side. She loved Rachel; she did. However, maybe brand new cars will offer a greater escape than lamp shades and a strangely extra clingy eleven year old girl.

She sighed again and closed her eyes. She would get up in a few minutes and tell Shelby she would go. She was going to just lay here for a moment and look at the back of her eyelids. She frowned. Stupid, lampshade.

Shelby called Noah that she was ready and snuck into the living room. She heard soft snoring. All three girls' were out, the chaos of their heads and the conflict of their hearts forced them to lose their battle to exhaustion. She lay a blanket on top of them. Helen looked on from the living room. Gus poked his head into the kitchen and let Shelby know that he would wait outside.

She grabbed her purse and paused by her mother. "Call me if anything happens. I want to know about any night terrors."

Helen gave a reassuring nod and Shelby headed out the door.

…..

They pulled into the parking lot of the dealership. They climbed out of the car and began to walk around the Nissan lot.

"We're starting here?" Michael asked.

Shelby waved her hand. "Yes, we are," she declared. She walked toward the dealership entrance as Noah, Michael and Gus mingled around the cars. "Hello!" she called out to the young salesman. "Hi, I would like to look at cars for my son."

"Yes, ma'am," the young man said. "I can help you. My name is Sean Jansen."

She nodded and looked at her phone wondering if she would get a text about any issues. "Yes," she muttered. "Shelby Corcoran."

"Oh, really? Do you want to join the gentleman inside?"

Shelby set down her phone. "What?" She shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

"Honey, I'm going to see if Hal is in," Michael said patting her shoulder. "I think he's still the manager here. He might be able to get us a deal." He gave a tight smile to the young man. "Not that you're doing a poor job, son." He patted his shoulder and walked in.

Michael walked in obliviously not noticing a curly hand man watching out the windows of the cubicle.

"What were you saying?" Shelby asked turning back to the boy.

"There's a man inside buying a car for a Rachel Corcoran. Are you related?"

Shelby froze. She dropped her phone.

Michael walked through the showroom with his hands deep in his pockets. He had lived in the area for over forty years. It was their home. Lima was supposed to be an escape from the stress of commuting elsewhere. It was home. He hopped long ago that it would help Shelby find a home and an escape from everything that happened in New York. He sighed. It hadn't.

He spotted his friend. "Marcus here?" he asked someone coming out to greet him.

"He's a bit tied up. Can I help you?" another salesman asked.

Michael frowned and watched as he soaked in the atmosphere. It was chaos. There were men on the phone. There were salesmen at the doors.

"Sir, I would recommend that you leave," the salesman said looking around.

Michael frowned. What was happening? Finally, he spotted Marcus as his old friend came into his line of sight.

"Michael!" The man said. "You need to leave. Where's your family?"

"Outside," he said quietly.

He nodded. "Okay. Go out there calmly and leave."

"What's going on?" Michael asked.

"Trust me," Marcus replied. "The police are on their way. I will call you later."

Michael frowned and searched his friend's eyes. "Okay." he nodded. "Okay." He started toward the door and froze when he heard a voice ring out.

"I will come back later!"

Michael turned and watched as a curly haired man start towards the exit doors of the store room as Marcus chased after him.

…..

Shelby frowned and looked at the man in front of her. "Tell me everything you know, now!" She looked over her shoulder. "Noah!" She waved down Gus. "Find my son!"

"There's a man inside that's buying a car for his girlfriend," The car dealer said slowly. Her eyes bulged as she managed to pick up her miraculously unbroken phone. She frowned and looked around frantically. She spotted Gus walking up and down the aisles of cars looking for her boy.

"Hello?" Joey asked from the other end.

"Is Rachel there?" Shelby asked frantically.

"No, we sent her to the store for a beer run," she scoffed.

"Joey!" Shelby said with frustration on the verge of tears.

"Yes, she's here. She's sound asleep with Quinn and San still.….." She paused. "What's going on?"

Shelby frowned. "I'll call you back," she hissed. "Do not take your eyes off of the kids." she hung up heavily.

"Where the hell is my son!" she screamed looking around. "Noah!"

"What?" she heard her son groan. She turned and Noah was walking toward her. "I'm coming. Are we done already? We just got here."

She looked around and at Gus. "Where is my father? We need to get out of here." she leaned in. "I think he's inside."

Gus nodded while on his phone. "Get in the car." He waved Noah over. "Come on, Noah! We're leaving."

Noah frowned still about thirty yards away. "Just because you like my mom doesn't mean you can tell me what to do!" he said with frustration. Shelby shot him a look. He shrugged. "Rachel told me."

"I don't care," she frowned. "Let's go!"

Noah looked around as he heard police sirens. They pulled in. He looked back at the dealership with a frown. "What's happening?" he called to his mom. "Ma! What's going on?"

"Noah!" she shouted. "Just come here! I'll explain it to you."

He frowned and watched as the cruisers came into the parking lot. He started toward his mother but paused. There he was. Will Schuester was leaving out the back of the show room.

He should have listen to his mother. He should have listened to her. However he couldn't hear her. He was too focused. He was too focused on his face. He sprinted toward him and tackled him from behind. His adrenaline was pumping too hard in his head for him to focus. Punches were flying. However, somehow he lost his focus somehow the tables were turned and he felt a blow to the face. and his arm twist behind his back. Somehow he was caught with his arm around his back and a knife to his throat.

He heard his mother let out a scream. Fuck, he couldn't let his mother down. He couldn't do this. He couldn't leave them. He couldn't. The bastard was screaming in his ear about something but he couldn't concentrate. he felt the knife deep at the edge of his throat. He tried to get out of his arms the knife scratched deeper. God damn!

He breathed heavily. He needed to get out of here.

"Noah," he heard a whisper in his ear. "Noah?"

He was barely focused on the voices. All he could see was his mother's panic and horror. He couldn't do this to her. He couldn't do this. He focused on the psycho's words. He was trying to negotiate a way out.

"Him or Rachel!"

Noah's ears felt as if they were just opening up. He struggled again and could feel the knick in his neck get deeper. He could hear his mother's sob panic and horror. He spotted her. He couldn't do this to her. He forced himself to concentrate on what was going on.

"Bring me Rachel and I won't kill him," he screamed.

…**... Sorry for the cliff hanger... I truly am. I really hope you're not too pissed and or disappointed...**


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

SadPanda13 – Thanks so much. I felt like Brittany needed a little explaining. Quinn's meltdown won't be her last I am sure of it but Shelby is already more of a mom to her than Judy has ever been. Shelby is caught in quite the dilemma. We all wish someone would shoot Will but that is the easy way out! Thanks for reviewing. And I may be moving again real soon. But this will be the last time for a while. Glad you are back.

AUS – It would not have been good for anyone if Quinn was also there. Whatever progress she had made would have been gone. But luckily that did not happen. Sorry for your heart rate. Hopefully it will be brought back to normal with this chapter. Thanks for reviewing.

Abbie – Thanks so much – sorry it brought back memories for you. I am glad you were able to get through it. Thank you for reviewing.

NayaFan – Santana and Quinn do make quite a team and they have grown so much. Sorry you were a sobbing mess with Rachel describing her funeral – my beta was a mess as well. Thank you for liking the way that I am writing Brittana – I hate the way that it was done on the show so I am trying my best to make it more realistic. It means so much from you that you love the way that I write. I hate Schuester so I am so glad I am getting that point across – but I will say that my beta hates him too so it does help bouncing ideas off of her. You are not alone in liking the fact that Judy is dead. She was no good in Quinn's life and would have always been a thorn in Quinn's side. Again thank you so much for taking the time to review my story – it helps me more than you know.

littleredwritinggleek – Oh how I would love a video trailer for this – I have so many characters in mind to play these kids and OC's. I would love it – Its ok to dream right? Thanks for the review. You will find out the fate of Noah in the very beginning of this chapter.

MrsArgon01 – Sorry for the cliffhanger – you will see in the very beginning what happens to Noah. Thanks for reviewing.

Renata – Sorry for the panic attack – and I did mean to get this chapter out a lot sooner than I did but I moved again and this time a lot further than I did the last time. Plus I got caught up on the sequel and writing some things for that. My apologies. I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for your review.

UnholyUnderBoob – Michael is a great dad and you will see him more in this chapter and how much he protects Shelby. After all she is his little girl. Holly will be appearing again don't worry because Rachel is not in school yet so she still needs to get her work done so she doesn't fall behind. Not everyone knows that Russell is the father yet so it will continue to create problems for Quinn but even if Finn had been the father it was the lesser of two evils. Thank you again for your compliments regarding my writing. It makes me continually look for ways to improve my skills.

Lea – Sorry this update took so long. I was expecting to get it out a lot sooner than I did. Thank you for reviewing.

Cookie07 – Sorry for frustrating you. I sincerely do not mean to do that. If things are bothering you about the story please feel free to PM me and I will certainly try to clear things up for you. Thanks for the review.

cbell123 – I am sorry for that – I hope you like this update.

Fangirl44 – This was meant to be out a lot sooner than now. Sorry I made you wait so long with a cliffhanger to boot. I hope you like this.

Kimberlli – Sorry for the cliffhanger – again it was not where I had originally intended to stop the chapter – it just happened that way. I am sorry that you are now a crazy lady. I hope you have had time to calm down and I hope you like this chapter. Thank you for the review because I love reviews even if they are from crazy people.

Dave Green – I hope this is not too long of a wait because I can not bear knowing that my readers hate me. Thank you for reviewing.

FlatWeasley – I will say no one dies in this chapter or in this story. Well I mean none of the main characters that is – And there is a sequel so while I am not saying if anyone dies in that one (I have not written anyone dying) I can just tell you that no one dies in this one. Thanks for reviewing and sorry that I made you shout.

alopez208 – Life did take over for this next update and I wanted it out a lot sooner than now but I can't always get what I want. I am glad you like the girls scene – it is very much where they are right now. Just trying to figure themselves out and where everyone fits.

Lexie-Rae – Thank you so much for another thoughtful and well thought out review. Rachel is still 11 and she has had to deal with very very adult issues. So her regressing will be in and out. She wants to be older and stronger but she is still so scared and hurt that it is so hard for her and her emotions. Joey and Quinn have a similar relationship with each other that Joey and Santana have – Joey loves them both dearly but she does not have the same style as Shelby and she can be a bit brass but the two of them need that in their lives. They need someone to call them out and keep them on their toes. Santana has been the one constant person in her life aside from Noah so Rachel will forever reach for her first even though she has Shelby and Nana – but she needs to try and reach for her mom first. Quinn does have the full support of the Corcoran family. She is there forever and while she will have ups and downs this will always be her family. Frannie will reappear this chapter – lets just see how loving she is. Thank you for picking up the fact that Quinn was almost at the dealership with them. That will come out this chapter as well – Noah proved once again that he is a protector to his sisters and his mother. He will do anything for them. Thank you again for the review. It amazes me that my readers put so much thought into their reviews.

Guest – Will Schuester does appear again only to do more damage! Thanks for reviewing.

stars4redvines – Thank you so much. Brittany doesn't really want to know all the details of what happened. Brittany is too kind of a soul to know such details and her and Santana will have to work on that part of their relationship and it is a very fine line.

Filmaddict – I am sorry I left it there. But I had to – I needed to get that update out and I would not have given the aftermath true justice it deserves. I will let you know when the torture of Will needs to happen so you can help me with it. Thanks for the review.

blueashke – Noah does NOT die. Sorry for the cliffhanger. Thanks for the review.

OTHangels – Noah is safe. Thanks for the review.

look4me – Wow you read the first 13 again - impressive. I do it too and so does my betas - I think it helps us remain focused and keeps us in line as to who the characters are. Shelby will never let Quinn go and she is the first mom that Quinn has had but it is too early for this discussion so it will be some time. But its coming. Santana and Quinn are very close but watch out when they get to scheming - there is no telling what they will do. I am glad you like it. I am glad you follow me on tumblr and thank you for liking my story so much. Thanks for reviewing.

Ryoko05 – Thank you for reviewing. You are correct this is on the news but Rachel is never going to be on the car lot. Shelby doesn't have to make that choice. It's a choice no mother should ever have to make. But how the girls react to this on the news is another thing. I hope you enjoy.

Dave Green – Sorry I apologize for the cliffhanger – It just couldn't be helped. Thanks for the review.

thelastcenturian – Yeah sorry for the cliffhanger – I tried my hardest to get this chapter out sooner but it just didn't happen. Thank you for continuing to love the story though. Thanks for the review too.

NinjaGleek21 – I hope you are still living because this update took longer than I expected. I thank you for the review and cookies though.

Guest – Well I certainly appreciate that you like my writing and I am sorry about the cliffhanger. The whole family is going to continue with counseling – trust me and Shelby will be getting her own one on ones shortly. Thanks for the review.

Karissa – Noah survives trust me I love Noah. Thanks for the review.

dolphinluver46 – Noah does hurt him but not to the extent that we would all love him too. Thanks for the review.

TommyH – Yes sorry for the cliffhanger – but I needed to stop there. Thanks for the review.

Lucyq – Don't be sorry – I do try to give all the main characters focus and some tend to take a back seat. I really try and take them each individually and make it flow correctly with the story. I hope you will continue reading and will enjoy the story. Thanks for the review.

marinka4 – Noah lives – no worries. He was never going to die. Just a little drama although I will say that this shows you even more how strong Noah is. Thanks for the review.

amichelea – My apologies for making you cry each and every chapter. I hope some of the cries are good cries. Thanks for reviewing.

Gleek101 – Noah doesn't die and Rachel was never ever going to that lot. Thanks for reviewing.

Marauderette96 – Thank you for your review. I am glad you liked it.

silvrd21 – Noah is very much alive! Thanks for the review.

nikiki500 – NO screaming! Sorry about that. Noah is alive ! I would not kill Noah I love him. Thanks for the review.

OutOfNoWhereHereIAm – I am glad you liked it. Hope you like this one. Thanks for the review.

Stace – Thank you I wish I had that umbrella drink and a personal mover! I have to move again but it will be the last one for a while. Thanks so much for the review.

**A/N: I hope you enjoy this and are not disappointed, but it's alright if you are. I appreciate you taking the time to read.…. It's just the top of the hill….**

_Her heels clicked loudly on the wood floors of her old room. She set one year old Rachel down in the playpen in her bedroom and changed into more casual clothes. She tried her best to look like a person when she was around the small town. It was her home town and she needed to remind people she had moved on. It felt strangely comforting being back in her parents' house in Lima. It was just for a vacation from the bustle of the city, but it was enough. As she pulled on her sneakers, she frowned. The house was quiet. Joey and Bear had brought over their boys. There should be noise in this large house. Why wasn't there noise? She picked up Rachel. _

"_Where are those rascals?" she asked the baby as they walked through the large house. She looked out the window at the top of the stairwell. _

"_Noah! Do it!" she heard Griffin call outside, but she couldn't see the kids. _

_Jesus, she groaned. That boy. She loved her nephew but he had a talent of finding her last nerve, which she took so much care to hide. She held the baby closer to her chest as she bound down the stairs. Her sister was milling around the kitchen. She frowned deeper and grumbled to the baby. _

"_Are you watching them?" she asked Joey accusingly. _

_The slightly older woman nodded, but a lifetime of sisterhood told her that Joey was in the mindset of Lima where it was safe to let the children run around and get into their own trouble in the backyard. _

_Shelby walked outside with a sigh as she balanced Rachel on her hip, the baby cooed at the sight of Santana and Noah. Santana ran over to her with a big smile. _

"_Mumma!" she smiled. "We're the Rescue Heroes!" Santana's big, frizzy hair was only mildly tamed and bounced as she ran. _

_Shelby arched her brow. "Is that so?" She let out a laugh. _

_Six year old Santana nodded. "Yup!" She nodded with pride. _

_She looked around. "Where is your brother?" Santana pointed toward the tree. The oak stood high in the backyard. _

_Shelby looked up the twenty foot tall tree, thankful that the portion one could climb only went up approximately ten feet. She was thankful because in the crock of the tree, was her son. She sighed in anxiety and exhaustion. At least she changed. Her nephew was below chanting and egging him on. She glared at him. _

"_Do it!" Griffin shouted._

_Shelby used her free hand to take Santana's hand and go over to the tree. "Griffin, stop! Noah, freeze! What is going on?"_

"_We found a baby bird and Noah's putting it back in the nest," Santana said simply poking Rachel in the stomach as she cooed in response._

_She gave a sigh and walked Santana a few yards from the tree. "Sit on the ground," she instructed. Once Santana was situated on the ground and sitting cross legged, she sat Rachel down in the six year old's lap. Leroy was always sure that Santana could hold the baby but Shelby still hadn't gotten used to the idea that her baby girl could hold her baby bug. "Stay here," she ordered._

_Shelby walked under the tree so that she could see under it more clearly. There was her eight year old at the tip top of the tree, approximately ten feet in the air. He was climbing with one hand, a baby bird was balanced in his other._

"_Noah!" she shouted. "Come down this instant!"_

"_Ma! I'm almost done! I'm almost there," he said from way up in the tree. _

"_Noah! Don't move!" She said as she pulled her hair up in a quick bun and started up the tree._

"_But Ma, I'm almost there!" he shouted down the tree. "I got—"_

_He didn't finish his sentence. He fell out of the tree._

Shelby jolted back to reality. That day Noah fell ten feet and broke his shoulder yet still, without surprise, his only concern was that the bird made it back into its nest. For the entire six weeks while he had his arm in the sling, Noah was constantly asking about the bird. When Shelby received a call from her mother informing her just a few days after they left Lima that the baby bird was dead, she didn't have the heart to tell her son. Maybe she shouldn't have protected him from dead baby birds. Maybe if she did, he would stop being the hero. She shook her head. She couldn't save her son from who he was.

She saw the man who had terrorized her daughters hold her son in a choking grip. One arm wrapped around his neck while another held a dirty knife. She couldn't think. She couldn't focus. She couldn't breath with the knife at her son's throat. She had actually stopped breathing when he tackled the monster to the ground. She wasn't there. She just couldn't move. Nevertheless, she heard herself screaming, pleading with the monster to leave her son alone. She simply wasn't there. She felt arms around her midsection. She wanted to move forward. She just wanted to get to him. She had to get to her son.

"Don't come any closer!" Will Schuester screamed. "I want Rachel and I want her right now!"

Shelby tried to take another step forward, but was held back. She frowned when she looked over at Gus and Michael. She looked at them in alarm. They were looking at her. She couldn't read them.

"I'm not sacrificing ANY of my children today," she hissed.

She turned her attention back to her son. He was frowning. It was his poop face. Coined, of course, by Santana. It was the same face he made when she thought too hard. She snapped her head and looked at the man holding her son at knife point. She frowned. His lips were moving. What the hell was he saying?

…

Noah felt the knife dig in his throat. The worry on his mother's face was too much. He just wanted to tell her he was fine. However, he wasn't fine; his own heart was exploding from his chest.

"She's a pretty one that mother of yours," a voice said in his ear. He felt the man's lips move against his ear.

He struggled to get free but the knife held him in place. "I'm going to get Rachel," the man hissed. "They're going to give her to me. You wanna know what I'm going to do to her? What she and I will do together?" Noah's anger heated deep in his chest. "Also, that Santana." Noah felt him shake his head against his. He went on. "What a spitfire. Glad I don't have to tame her, but I would if I needed to. She would behave. Now that Quinn. I don't want her. Too dirty and used for my taste. I'm more of a brunette guy so you can have that blonde slut." Noah struggled more. He was struggling so much he couldn't feel the knife digging deeper into his throat. All he was focused on was him. He was going to kill him if it was the last thing he did. He let out a groan in Noah's ear. "I can't wait," he practically moaned into Noah's ear. "To finally feel Rachel, to be inside her. To hold her life in my arms and then take it. To-"

Noah felt his anger reach a point that he couldn't recover from. It was that blind hatred that he couldn't control. He grabbed the hand with the knife in it as hard as he could causing the man to flip over his shoulder. He could hear policeman yelling instructions, but he couldn't process any of the words. He leered his foot back.

He stood breathless as the man on the ground struggled to find air. He brought his leg down on the man again and again. The man even tried to reach up slashing his knife at Noah again but the football star just let his anger control him. He saw Santana fighting the teacher as he backed her into a closet. He felt frozen anger as he pictured Quinn fighting against the curly haired man in the choir room. Then all Noah saw was Rachel. He heard her screams at night. He didn't need to imagine her pleas and her horrified sobs as this monster terrorized her. It was as if he had been there and had seen it all. The man that lay on the ground gasping for air didn't give Rachel mercy. So why should Noah give him mercy? He didn't realize he was sweating until it dripped into his eyes. He held the knife to him and that's when he noticed that his hand was shaking. He pointed the knife at him again and screamed.

"I will kill you!" He felt himself shake more and his vision become blurrier. "I will kill you! Don't touch my sisters! Don't come near my family!" He suddenly saw police swarm him and haul him away. He heard Will's words echo in his head. He was going to kill her. He was going to rape her and he was going to kill her. He dropped the knife as he felt his knees buckle.

He felt around around him as he was turned around and he let out a sob as his mother let out a sob of panicked relief. He leaned into her as she cradled him in her arms. He was taller than her but she rocked him like he was eight years old again. And he was grateful for that.

Shelby cradled him in her arms, thankful that he was alive. "Oh, God. Oh, God," she repeated over and over as if it was a mantra that brought deliverance.

"I'm okay, Ma," Noah whispered finally breaking from his stupor. "I'm okay." He pulled away slightly. "I'm okay."

Shelby looked at him with a tiny smile, but it soon faded when she noticed blood on the front of his shirt and the deep but not massive cut on his neck. She reached and lifted his shirt. There was a gash about 6 inches long across her son's side.

"Help!" she called. She looked around and watched as a paramedic and a policeman stepped in. They were all surrounding them. Had they been there the whole time? She turned back to her son. How did he get cut there? "My son is hurt!"

She watched as Noah followed her gaze, his eyes bulged slightly before he recovered and looked back at her, "Ma, I'm fine. It's just... um... It's a cut..."

A paramedic walked over and lifted his shirt as well as examine his neck. "He probably got you when he swung at you."

Noah frowned. "When was that?"

Shelby looked at her son. "When you were trying to get away, he swung at you," she muttered as she remembered. She looked at the paramedic. "He's going to be fine right?"

The paramedic nodded and informed her that all her son, her only son needed was stitches. She was ready and eager to inform the young paramedic that her son needed so much more than that. She looked at Noah as the paramedic dressed his wound. The paramedic informed them that they would stitch him up at the ER.

"Are you alright?" she asked when she noticed he was staring at the ground. "Noah," she said more gently when he didn't look up. "Noah," she said again

He looked at her with a pause and a deep frown. "Why didn't you tell me that he was going to kill her?"

Shelby felt her face fall. "He said that?"

"He didn't need to," he said quietly. He shook his head ignoring the paramedic that was cleaning him up and readying him for the trip to the hospital. "And I know now that you didn't tell us the full truth about Quinn or what Will did to her..." He looked at his mother with a frown. "You can't protect me." He pointed to where he had just been standing. "I can take care of myself! I am a man! I've been one for a long time." He looked at her with a frown. "How can you-How... I …." He put his hand on his chest. "I am a man, Mom! I don't need you to protect me!"

"Noah," she began.

"No, don't Noah me!" he said making the paramedic jump as the poor man attempted to dress the wounds. "I have a right! I have a right to know that he was going to kill them! I have a right to know that he fantasized about them! I have a right!"

He stared at her with a frown, his anger was at a boiling point. However, in her silence he found that it slowly lowered to a simmer. He was going to kill them. He frowned and chewed his lip. "He wanted to kill them," he whispered. "I... I …." He looked at his mother with a frown. "I want … I want to go home. I want to see them. I want to see San. I want to hold Rachel. I want to tell Quinn she doesn't suck and that's she's worth it."

Shelby looked at him with tenderness. "They will be okay because of you. We will go home and see them."

Noah looked at her with a frown. "We need to go now. I need to see her. I need to see them. Where are they? Should we check the house? Should we stop there first?"

"Noah, " Michael said coming behind them. "Let's get you taken care of. They're fine."

Noah looked at him. "How do you know?" Shelby mirrored his look.

"I called," he said gently. He looked at the paramedics. "Let's get going please. We have a family to get home to."

…..

Quinn frowned as she woke up. Rachel shifted into her side, but Santana's elbow as the elder brunette reached across her to find the remote was what really woke her up.

"Gah," she frowned. "Santana," she said through gritted teeth. "What are you doing?"

"I am awake and I want to channel surf," she said with a matter of fact tone. "Go back to sleep."

"I can't," she said with a frown. "You woke me up," she glared.

Santana scoffed. "It's your fault that you woke up," she smiled. She turned the TV on and began to surf.

"Turn it down," Rachel muttered as she snuggled into Quinn and took Santana's hand. "You're supposed to be grounded."

"We aren't grounded today," Quinn said. "We have the day off due to sympathy."

The blonde gave the young girl a matter of fact shrug.

"Oh," she muttered.

Santana continued to channel surf as they all watched in silence.

"Nothing scary," Rachel muttered.

Santana scoffed and continued.

The phone rang and it echoed through the house. "PHONE!" Santana yelled.

"Thank you, dear," Helen said as she peaked around the corner. "Turn that thing off. If you're awake, it's time for homework." She frowned and reached for the phone. She heard the sound lower but it was still turned on. Phone first then scolding. "Hello?" she said as Joey walked into the living room pointing to the girls to turn the television off.

"Helen?" Michael's voice came through the phone.

"Hey, handsome," she smiled.

"Are the girls alright?" he asked. Helen could hear the slight tremble in his voice that took forty-nine years of marriage required.

"Yeah," she said catching her eldest daughter's eyes. Joey looked at her mother in surprise and headed back toward the kitchen as she stood between the two rooms, in ear shot of both. "What's up?" she tried to ask casually. Helen peaked around the corner. "Girls, turn it off. If you're awake enough to channel surf you're awake enough to do homework." She leaned back into the kitchen out of earshot. "What's going on?"

"We found Will," he said after a deep breath. "Don't tell the girls yet, but-"

"MOM!" Joey called out from the living room. Helen looked around the corner to see BREAKING NEWS flashing across the screen. Helen sighed. Too late. "SANTANA!"

Helen's gaze snapped in the direction towards the front door as it slammed against what she guessed was the table next to the door. She looked back at the screen with the phone moving slowly from her ear. Rachel's breaths were hitching as the eleven year old stared at the screen. Quinn stared at the screen and then back at the foyer. She looked around Joey was gone.

Helen squeezed her eyes shut. "Tell me they're okay. Tell me what you know and fast," she said to her husband as she gripped the phone tighter.

The television reporter's voice seemed to echo deep through Quinn's head. "Will Schuester was caught this afternoon at McNeil's Nissan Dealer. SWAT teams were called in. More news to come at six o'clock."

Quinn looked at the floor. She frowned. She could feel her anger that seemed to roar like a lion explode and simmer slightly within her. She felt it. It suddenly all began to hurt. There was so much pressure on her chest she felt like her heart would explode. It was going to explode. Today, the woman who gave birth to her went into the ground. She couldn't think. She couldn't breathe. The simple thought, this whisper of the possibility of having to bury Noah or Shelby made it feel like her heart was going to fall out of her mouth. Was this love? Was this panic? Or was this simply family?

She heard screaming and walked like a weightless ghost to the foyer; she continued to watch like she wasn't there.

Santana sprinted from the living room out through the front door once the news man had made the announcement. There was no logic; there was no reason. She just ran. She ran down the steps of the porch, down the driveway. She had to get there. She couldn't let this happen.

She suddenly felt a pair of arms around her waist. "Let me go!" She spat as she pushed Joey away. She managed to wiggle out of her arms and run a few more steps before she was caught again. She couldn't move. She fell to her knees as Joey looked at her with a frown. She shook her head. She couldn't do this. She couldn't be here. She couldn't … this couldn't be another part of their life. This couldn't be it.

"Santana," she heard her aunt calling. All the noise came rushing into her ears. "Santana!"

She looked at her aunt with big eyes. "He can't hurt my mom too! He can't get my brother! I can't be here!" She screamed. "I can't be here!" She screamed again. Santana felt her breaths freeze in her chest and make them solid. She couldn't breathe. She looked at her aunt. "I can't be here," she repeated through clenched teeth.

"But you are," Joey whispered. "You're here and we need you here. You can't go there."

Santana released a sob but her chest still ached. She was hoping for release, but it didn't come. She looked at her aunt. "That man took so much from Rachel. He took what we all have taken nine GODDAMN years rebuilding and mending! And from Quinn … he makes her think all of those things that she whispers to herself are true." She wiped her tears vigorously.

"Santana," Joey said again. "You need to breathe. I know you know that you need to stay here."

"But I can't stay here!" She sobbed as she hit her legs with her hands. "I CAN'T STAY HERE!" She shook her head. "You don't know!" She shook her head again and looked at the ground. "He chose them," she whispered. "He chose them and he should have picked me! It should have been me!" Santana pointed at the house. "He chose them because they couldn't fight back. Rachel couldn't fight back and Quinn... Quinn maybe could but... I .. I could have fought back. I'm not weak! I could fight back! I could! I'm strong! I could do this!"

Joey looked over her shoulder quietly at Quinn who was looking at them silently from the opened front door. She turned back to Santana.

"It's not that you were strong and they were weak, Santana," Joey said quietly. "I think you know that too."

"I get it! I know! THEY are the strong ones! They are the strong ones and I can't! I can't be here! I would rather be hurt than have to deal with this. He needs to come after me. He needs to hurt me." She looked at her aunt. "Why didn't he choose me?"

Joey looked at her with a deep-set frown. "Oh, San."

"They don't need anymore hurt," she whispered as she gazed at the ground. "He can't hurt my mom or my brother. He just can't. Not them too." She looked back up at her. Her sobs engulfed her. "It should be me. It has to be me."

Quinn watched absently from the step of the stairs. She looked back over her shoulder when she heard the heaving breaths. She turned and saw that Rachel was still staring at the television. Her breaths were caught in her chest. Quinn looked at the television and the newscaster was still replaying the three second clip of Will Schuester being walked to the police car, handcuffed.

Rachel's breaths hitched in her chest. She couldn't do this; she was shaking. She tried to look away but she couldn't. He was looking at her. She couldn't hear what he was screaming about as he was led to the car, but she knew he was yelling her name. He was yelling about her.

Nana suddenly shut off the television, but was still on the phone. She gave Rachel a paper bag to breathe into as she walked briskly up the stairs with her ear still into the phone.

Quinn vaguely heard the older woman telling her to sit down. However, she couldn't focus on the words. All she could hear were Santana's sobs outside the house and Rachel's hitched breathing inside the house. She looked over at Rachel and her breaths were continuously getting hitched in her chest. She couldn't breathe. Quinn finally snapped into action and walked over to Rachel and rubbed her back.

"Look at me, bug," she whispered. "You're safe and you're here." Quinn took Rachel's hand. "Rachel," she whispered. "Look at me."

She quivered and looked slowly at her sister. She opened her mouth and tried to speak but labored breaths continued to stick. "I-I-I-I..."

Quinn didn't realize her instincts had kicked in, or even that she had instincts, until she pulled Rachel into her arms and allowed the girl to lean into her chest. She rubbed her back. "You're okay," she whispered. She met Santana's eyes as the girl reentered the room with Joey and paused. "We're okay."

…...

The ER doors swung open with slam. Shelby in a wheelchair as Noah lay on a gurney behind her.

"I'm fine," she said pushing the doctors away. "I need to see my son! I demand to see my son!"

"He's right in front of you, Shel," Bear said next to her.

"No!" she said as they were brought to the same curtained area. "He needs to be stitched up. I'm fine! I'm fine!"

Bear leaned forward close to his sister-in-law. "You're not fine and you need to calm down."

"Calm down?!" she shook her head and stood stroking her son's hair. "I'm right here, bud," she whispered.

He gave a smile as the nurses began hooking him up to a few machines. "I'm fine, Mom," he said quietly. "It's no worse than that time that I hurt my shoulder. Actually," he smiled weakly as they put in an IV. "That hurt more."

Shelby smiled at him weakly with tear-filled eyes. "You needed stitches that day, too," she said weakly as she pulled up a stool next to him. "You were stubborn for climbing that tree that day," she said as she leaned her forehead against his temple. "You were angry and stubborn today, too," she whispered with a slight shake in her voice. She took a deep breath. "You saved that bird," she lied quietly. "Just like you saved yourself and your sisters today."

He brought his hand up and hugged her head against his.

"I just ask," she said with a smile. "That you try not to make a habit of this when you're angry and stubborn." She kissed him softly on the temple. "Imagine what you can do when you're clear headed."

He turned and looked at her with a grin. "I'll always kick their asses if they mess with our family."

She smiled. "We're Corcorans. We don't walk away without a fight, remember?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

Shelby smiled and sat down and felt a nurse hook up a monitor. She swatted her away.

"Hey," Bear hissed. "If you won't sit on a bed, they're going to examine you in a chair. Please just cooperate."

"Ma, just get on the bed," Noah urged as the nurse adjusted his IV. She sighed and stood up.

"Her heart rate is elevated and her blood pressure is high," the nurse said to the doctor as they began to examine her.

The doors swung open.

"Thirty-nine year old man, possible internal bleeding, fractured ribs, pressure is up. We had to sedate him on route, he became violent."

Shelby looked up and watched as Will Schuester was wheeled into the next curtain. She pushed the IV away that they were trying to put in. She began to walk over to him. "Fucking bastard!" she hissed. She felt arms around her waist. "Let me go!" She looked over at Bear. "He deserves to die. He tried to destroy our family!"

"Calm down," Bear muttered into her ear. "Just... calm down," she frowned.

"No," she hissed pushing him away. "No! No!" She looked at the man. "He hurt them. He hurt my family. I can't … He can't be here. He can't be here in this hospital!"

Michael pulled her close and leaned his cheek against her ear as he hugged her. He had been standing back slightly, but he had been watching closely. He knew his youngest daughter and he knew she was about the break. "You... You need to calm down. I can't be in the room with him just like you can't be in here, but your boy is here. And he needs you. Your girls need you at home. You need to take care of yourself and calm down."

"I'm fine," she hissed.

"You're not," he muttered. "Now go back and sit on that bed, because if you want to leave, you need to stay on this side of the curtain. Judgement is not today. Right now you need to calm down."

She frowned and turned into her father but looked over her shoulder at her son who was grimacing at the stitches. She took a deep breath and turned back to her son. She combed her hand over his face.

"I love you a lot," she said with a kiss to his temple.

"Yeah, yeah," he smiled. He motioned toward the curtain. "If it'll make you feel better you can punch him," he said quietly, with a hint of worry.

Shelby sighed and looked at her son with regret, knowing she needed to regain her composure.

"I'm fine," she muttered.

"You're not," he said honestly. "You're shaking you're so mad."

Michael put his hand on her back. "You need to let the doctors examine you."

"Why?" she barked feeling her son jump. She looked at him apologetically as she stroked his hair again.

"Because you're on edge," Michael said slowly. "You're scared and it shows physically. You're sweating and... You need to calm down."

"I'm fine," she hissed.

"You're not," Bear said coming to the other side. He looked at the doctor that stood next to them. "You need to rest."

"No, I don't," she snapped again.

"Shelby," Michael said looking at the monitor they stealthily managed to put on Shelby. "Your blood pressure is dangerously high," he said quietly in her ear. "With everything that happened, not just today but everything all together... you need to sit down, you need to lay down." He watched her carefully. "I bet if you stepped back," he continued more slowly. "You would realize you're dizzy and you have a headache." He leaned forward, even closer to her ear. "Your son is scared because you're scared. Sit down."

The doctor stepped forward. "We can give you a relaxant and you can rest for three to four hours and get your body back-"

"No," Shelby pushed. "I need to take care of my son and get home to my girls. They're scared I need to get home to my girls."

The heart monitor began to beep more rapidly.

Noah looked at his mother, her brow was heavy with beads of sweat. "Mom," he whispered. He couldn't even feel the stitches anymore.

"No, I can't wait here for four hours," she insisted as she looked at her doctor. "My son needs to get home. I need to get home," she said hurriedly as the heart monitor quickened.

"Ma'am," the doctor interrupted. "Blood pressure this high can lead to serious problems like heart disease, kidney failure, stroke and even blindness and dementia. Honestly you..."

The doctor trailed off when he saw Noah's look of panicked fear as he looked at his mother. "Mom," he said quietly.

Shelby took a deep breath and looked at her father and slowly sat on the bed while still holding Noah's hand.

"Okay," she whispered. "Tell me what we need to make this go away."

"Well, first off, it is very important that you watch your diet," the doctor said.

"She will," Noah said.

"You'll need to focus on reducing saturated fat, red meat and added sugar from your diet while paying extra attention to your sodium intake. High sodium levels have been directly linked to high blood pressure and hypertension."

Shelby sighed. "Fine, I can do that but I'm not staying here overnight. My girls are freaked out and -"

"We'll call them," Bear said. "I'll go see them."

"All three of them must be out of their minds. Bug must be so scared. Santana and Quinn are-"

"Mom, they'll be more scared if you have a stroke at home," Noah said sharply looking at his mother. He turned to the doctor. "She'll stay here." he looked back at his mother. "You have to. You've been stressed for the past nine years. You have to take care of yourself."

Shelby looked at her son in surprise. She paused for a minute, soaking in his words. "Alright," she said looking at him. "Okay."

He looked at his grandfather. Noah narrowed his eyes. "Call my sisters and tell them everything's okay."

Shelby looked at her son with a mixture of guilt and regret with pride, hating that he was in so many ways her co-parent. She looked at the doctor. "Do what the man says."

Shelby looked toward the curtain that she knew Will was behind. She wanted to kill him but she had to stay here with her son. She had to stay here because she couldn't let her son lose her too. She frowned as she saw her brother-in-law's shoes behind the curtain. However, it was silent. She knew that he wasn't torturing Will Schuester but she hoped he was.

Bear looked down at Will Schuester. His body beaten as the doctors worked around him.

"Don't say a fucking word," he hissed. He looked at the doctors and leaned closer. "My sister in law and nephew are in the next room and I will go to jail for the rest of my life if it ensured that they remained safe."

The injured man just looked up at the chief of police with a weak grin."I would love to see you try" He leaned up. "I'll always get them. I'm already there." He smiled. "I've already won."

"How the hell do you think that?" Bear hissed.

"I'm already in her head," he smiled. "I'll always be there." He smiled wider. "I was inside of her and I will always be."

Bear leaned down and wrapped his hands around his neck for barely a second before the captain and a few other doctors pulled him away.

"That's enough! Sedate him already!" a doctor ordered. He pointed at Bear. "Get him out of here."

Bear fought but let himself be pulled away. "Son of a bitch," he hissed forcing himself to be pushed past his family. He couldn't look at them. He couldn't do that. He couldn't look at them. All he could do was force himself to breathe and not lose it.

He leaned against the wall of the busy hospital hallway. He closed his eyes and realized in that moment that catching him wasn't going to go away anytime soon. He was going to linger as he fought against the charges. He was going to eat away slowly at them until there was nothing. In his head he always thought that he could just capture him and throw him in jail. He had seen people like him rip families in two, embed themselves in their lives even though he would never harm them. However, as Bear leaned against the wall and stared at the ceiling of the hospital, he realized that was impossible. He would always be in Rachel's head... in the back of her mind or forefront, in her nightmares. He would haunt her just like Hiram haunted them. Just like Russell and Judy would haunt Quinn. They were wrong to think they had ever healed from the past. The past still lingered; it simply wasn't as loud.

"What happened?" he heard Noah ask from the the room.

"I don't know," Michael covered.

"Is Mom already asleep?" Noah looked over in the bed and saw that his mother was in fact asleep. "That was really fast." He looked at his grandfather and he could see his uncle around the corner. He shook his head as he looked at his grandfather again, "I can't... leave them. This is why."

"No this is why you have to move forward," Michael said leaning down. "If you go and live your life you won't be leaving them behind."

"Yeah, I will," Noah urged.

Michael shook his head, "If you don't move on, if the girls don't move on you'll just sit and marinate in the past. You're all a team, remember?"

Noah shook his head. "And teams stick together, you don't just run off."

"You're not a team now when you're all in the same place. You're not talking to each other." He sighed and looked at the boy. "If you always have everyone benched, not only will you never play but you'll never learn how to."

"What if they suck at it?" Noah asked. "What if I leave and they don't need me?"

"They'll always need you, Noah," Michael smiled. "Your mother has fought for your lives since you all were born. She wants you to live them. If you all get stuck trying to protect each other from an unlived life then what's the point of her fighting for you?"

Noah chewed his lip and looked over at his mother. Maybe it was the drugs maybe it was the day, maybe it was everything. However, he saw her. He saw how sad she was. He saw that she had no one.

"I want her to be happy," he whispered. "I want her to marry someone and be happy." He frowned. "But not a dick-"

"Language," Michael frowned. "What you want for her and the girls is what we want for you." Noah stared at the ceiling. "Time won't stand still, Noah," he whispered. "It'll move on no matter what. I want you so desperately to move with it."

The boy sighed and looked at his uncle who had come quietly into the room. Noah looked at him questioningly. "What happened with that bastard?"

Bear looked at him honestly and understood that Hiram and Will would never go away, but they could still move on from them.

"He pissed me off," Bear said as he walked to Noah. "But he's just a bastard."

Noah nodded. "Yeah," he muttered. "He is."

….

Once Rachel finished the nebulizer, she sat silently on the backs of her heels as she rested her chin on the back of the couch while she looked out the window.

"They're okay. They're okay. They're okay," she whispered almost silently as her eyes darted down the street. She bit the side of her lip.

Santana watched her from the couch as Quinn sat next to her. The brunette frown deeply and pushed her tongue into her cheek nervously. "We can't let her sit there like that. She's been sitting there for twenty minutes."

Quinn looked at her with an arched brow. "Do you know what to say to her?" She shook her head. "Nothing we say will make her stop worrying."

"I'm worried too," Santana said with a bit of a snap. "But I can't watch her sit there like that and worry. I can feel her panic and her...defeat." She watched as Rachel's brow furrowed more deeply and her mantra forced her to move her lips but barely any sound came out. She was only saying it for herself now.

"Rachel," Santana attempted. "Come over here and watch this show with me."

Rachel looked over her shoulder with the furrowed brow and silently shook her head at Santana before returning out the window. Santana sighed in defeat and Quinn just shook her head slightly.

"Let her be," the blonde said quietly. She continued as she looked at the small eleven year old. "Nothing you say will make her feel better."

Santana sighed. "Fine," she whispered. "We know they're fine...but... I just... "

Quinn put her hand on hers. "I know," she sighed. "I think we'll be okay."

"What?" Santana asked with a frown. "How? How can it be that easy?" Santana asked.

"I..." Quinn said with a deep set frown. "I never …. I never had hopes for my life other than to get out of Lima and pretend it never happened." She paused. "I …. I put Judy Fabray in the ground and a man who made me feel lower than dirt in prison. And now this." She sighed and looked at Santana. "I don't feel better or worse. I feel different. For the first time in my life...I want to make plans." Santana stared at her for a moment. Unsure of what to say. "They're okay, Santana. Just because they're not here doesn't mean they're not okay."

Santana sighed. "I don't know... too much has happened."

"And because of that you should know what panic looks like," Quinn pointed out. She turned and pointed over the back of the couch at Joey and Nana, who sat casually in the kitchen. "That's not what panic looks like." She looked back at Santana. "Things can only get better."

Santana scoffed. "You totally just jinx it."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "I really think so." She looked over at Rachel with sad eyes. "That over there is pure unadulterated panic."

"I know," Santana sighed. "We have to calm her down or at the very least distract her. If she keeps this up, she'll have to go on the neb again."

She stood and walked over to the chair where Rachel was sitting. "Can I sit here?"

Rachel looked up at her and gave a tiny nod, still silently moving her lips to the mantra. Santana reached down and rubbed Rachel's back, the girl jumped in surprise but then looked at her embarrassed.

Santana gave her a reassuring nod. "It's alright." She followed Rachel's gaze wondering how she could possibly distract her and Brittany's words echoed in her head. "Hey, Rach, remember when we were little and we used to make those big forts?"

Rachel's lips stopped moving as she looked up at Santana with a questioning frown and nodded.

"Can we make one now?" the elder girl asked quietly. "You can still come back to the window but...I need your help."

"I know you're just trying to distract me," she muttered.

"Is it working?" Santana asked.

Rachel looked out the window again as the elder girl leaned closer to her. "They're alright, Rach. Don't you think Nana and Aunt Joey would be freaking out more if they weren't?"

The eleven year old looked back out the window and then back at her sisters. "You're moving the furniture," Rachel said quietly. "Quinn and I can't move furniture." She looked back over the couch. "And you have to be quiet because they will be upset if we mess up the living room."

Santana smiled and looked at Quinn who nodded. "Noted."

…..

Shelby blinked her eyes opened and looked around. She felt strangely rested and relaxed. It was freeing for the split second before her reality rushed back and hit her. She looked around.

"You slept for awhile, Shel." She looked up and the doctor and her father were smiling at her.

"Where's Noah?" she asked sitting up.

"He's still asleep next to you," Michael assured sitting on the hospital bed.

"What time is it?" she looked around. "The girls must be out of their minds."

"They're fine," he said gently. "Bear went home to be with them. You've only been sleeping for three hours."

"I should get home," she said.

"Yes, you should, but you should slow down," Joey said appearing suddenly. She smiled. "Bear tagged me out. Thought you might want some company on the ride home."

Shelby smiled. "How are they?" she asked honestly. "Really, how are they?"

"They're panicked but they're okay. When I left the girls were sleeping in a fort that they made in the living room." She sighed and saw her sisters eager gaze. "The girls saw it on television." Shelby started to sit up. "But they're okay. They're scared but they're okay. I'm here to help you get home."

Shelby searched her eyes. "But...," she said slowly. "There's a but... What aren't you saying?"

"You need to talk to Santana," Joey said quietly. "I mean you need to talk to Rachel and Quinn too but..." Joey looked at her hands. "I had to chase Santana down the street... She wanted to get to you guys... she …. She doesn't understand why that bastard didn't choose her..."

Shelby closed her eyes. "Of course, she doesn't," she whispered.

"We'll figure this out." Joey said encouragingly.

"I hope so," Shelby said looking at her son. Without breaking the gaze, she went on. "I almost lost my boy today."

"But you didn't," she whispered.

"I know," she muttered. "But I almost did. I can't do this again."

Joey sighed and pushed Shelby gently to make room for her on the bed. Shelby rolled her eyes and moved over on the bed and made room for her sister. She leaned on her sister as her sister pulled her closer.

"You are doing remarkably well, especially because I know that this is eating away at you," Joey whispered. Shelby looked at her with a frown. "I know you, Shel," he smiled. "Ever since the kids were taken away, you haven't been the same since the kids were missing. And I'm not saying I expected you to be the same, but... All these things keep eating away at you-"

"How can they not?" she asked with a sigh. Shelby leaned back into her sister. "This isn't how I wanted my life to be."

Joey pulled her sister close and tucked her head under her own chin. "I know, but your kids are so strong and-"

"I hate that they've had to be," Shelby muttered. "I just want them to be happy but … I can't... Rachel can't sleep alone. Quinn is just learning how to sleep through the night. I …. And Santana... I just keep thinking over and over... did I mess things up with her? I've always known she has stuff to work through but she's a girl that does things in her own time.-"

"Yeah, she does," Joey scoffed. "Twenty-six hours of labor! Seriously, I cannot get over how that baby basically refused to come into this world. Meanwhile, Noah arrived right on time and one hour and then Rachel was so eager to be apart of the world she arrived two months early. Little dork." Joey laughed at the memory and shook her head. "Don't even get me started on my boys. The miracle of life my ass."

"You're so eloquent. It's astounding," Shelby laughed.

A silence settled over them.

"You should really talk to someone," Joey said interrupting the moment.

"I don't... I need to focus on them," she began.

"You've been sedated in the hospital," Joey said straight to the point. "You're not. You need to slow down and ask for help. So this weekend, Mom's enforcing a lockdown."

"I'm sorry, what?" Shelby asked pulling away from her sister.

"Yeah, she wants you to rest and the kids to rest and now with that asshole in jail we should be able to sleep," Joey explained. "Then Noah and the girls are starting school and practice on Monday. They need to rest up and -"

"I think I will go to the practices, don't you think?" Shelby said interrupting her sister . "I just... I should just watch them and -"

"I don't know we'll think about that," Joey said with a frown. "Everyone is already watching them. They don't necessarily need their mom in the stands too."

Shelby leaned back and looked at her son. "I feel far from him. I don't know what he's thinking or really understand what's going on. He thinks he's a man. He's my boy."

"No, he's not," Joey said simply. "He's a man in so many ways but still a boy in others, especially after today."

"I know," she said turning back to her sleeping son, whose snores echoed through the room. "He's still my boy."

Joey followed her gaze and gave a weak smile. "I know." She sighed. "You need to talk to someone. These days are not like the others, yes, but even though you manage to keep it together, you can't possibly do it all the time." She sighed. "Just think of it this way: if you lose it in front of the girls, they won't take it as well as your son is or is pretending to," she said quietly.

Shelby took a deep breath. "I know," she said quietly.

"Do you really?" Joey asked. "If any of the girls see you lose it," she started, "if you snap, especially now, it would be bad. If it were in front of anyone else they would get it, but not the girls." She paused as she continued to look at her younger sister, " If I know Noah, he is going to think about this. All of this..." She looked at Shelby. "Now that the doctor has put it in his head that you could possibly have a stroke if you continue like this, it will be in the back of his head at all times... He will worry about you. Like I worry about you."

"I can't lose them," she whispered. "I don't know how I would get through it."

"I know," Joey whispered. "But they won't survive losing you." She took a breath. "The girls know that you were asked to rest here for a bit..."

Shelby groaned. "First you tell me that my children can't handle things, and now you're telling me that you told them Mommy had to be drugged because she was so stressed out?!" She sat up, remembering that she had changed into a gown. "I need my clothes. Where are my -"

Joey handed her a small tote. "I brought you another change of clothes too."

Shelby frowned, but took the clothes and began to change.

"Shel, at least promise me you'll go talk to someone," Joey urged again.

"If I have time," she said quietly as she rummaged through the clothes that her sister brought.

"No. You'll make time," Joey clarified.

Noah stirred in the bed and opened his eyes. "Can we go, Ma?" he asked quietly.

Shelby nodded, kissing him softly on the top of his head. "Sure," she said making eye contact with Joey. "Okay."

….

The girls lay inside under the fort they built in the living room. The blankets draped over the tops of the furniture. Rachel's eyes flickered open. She was laying on Santana's chest and Quinn was laying next to her. She looked at each of her sisters, grateful that they were asleep. They worked so hard to take care of her that they rarely took care of themselves. She pushed herself up on the backs of her heels. She frowned, kissing both of her sister's softly on the forehead. Santana smiled and turned over on her side while Quinn swatted at the small kiss.. She frowned and crawled quietly out of the fort slowly on her hands and knees.

"Hey pumpkin," Helen said as Rachel emerged from the fort.

"Hi," she muttered as she went to the window and curled up in the chair next to the window and watched out front window.

"Rachel, let's go into the kitchen for a snack," she pushed.

"No, thank you," she whispered. She leaned forward slightly so her forehead rested on the window. She strained to see down the street. "Where are they?" she asked quietly.

"They're coming, bug," Helen reassured as she sat next to her youngest granddaughter.

"She's stressed out?" It was a question but it was also a statement.

Helen sighed and rubbed Rachel's back. "Yes, but it's the situation. It's nothing you kids did."

"I think that she might get sick," she said still looking out the window. She didn't think it on her own. She had heard Quinn and Santana talking quietly about it when they were making the fort. She wasn't sure if they meant the flu or if they meant something bigger, but they had stopped talking about it when they saw she was watching.

"She's going to be okay," Bear said sitting on Rachel's other side. Rachel leaned into her uncle's side.

"We all have to take care of ourselves," Rachel said with a thoughtful frown.

"That's right, bug," Bear said.

She looked at her grandmother. "I'll have a snack, Nana."

Bear smiled at his mother-in-law over Rachel's head.

"Yeah?" Helen smiled. She stood up and started toward the kitchen. "What do you think? Apple sauce and crackers? Or some nuts and dried fruit?" Rachel turned away from the window for a moment.

"I don't know," she muttered returning to the look out the window.

Helen smiled. One step at a time. "Well, I think that-"

Rachel gasped causing Bear and Helen to turn sharply and instinctively. She scrambled out of her chair and sprinted out of the room and into the foyer. She flung the front door open and the bang caused the sleeping girls to jump awake. Rachel sprinted out into the dark evening. The car had pulled into the driveway and turned off just as Rachel spotted them outside of the house. Bear hot on her tail, not knowing why she was doing but knowing that she was sprinting out of the house. Once he spotted his wife's car, he knew. The driveway wasn't long, but it seemed long in that moment. Shelby climbed out of the passenger side of the car.

"Mumma!" Rachel shouted as she ran to Shelby.

The mother forgot the bag in her arms and dropped to her knees pulling her Rachel up and into her arms. "Oh, bug," she said pulling her tightly to her chest. Shelby immediately felt Rachel begin to sob in her arms. She rubbed her back softly hushing her. "It's okay," she hushed. "We're okay."

Noah climbed out of the car and came to the other side. Rachel let out a sob of relief when she saw him and began reaching for him from Shelby's arms. Noah took her carefully just as Santana and Quinn rushed out of the house almost plowing Shelby over. The mother engulfed the girls, assuring them that they were okay.

Finally, Shelby and Joey managed to bring the kids into the house. Rachel leaned back in Noah's arms and laced her fingers together on the back of his neck as she looked at the cut on the side of his neck. She looked at him with worry.

"Are you okay?"

He smiled. "I'm so much better now."

"Are you okay? What happened? Are you okay?"

Shelby took a breath as they settled in the kitchen. She sat quietly and looked at the kids. Rachel leaned forward and into Shelby, quietly lifting Noah's shirt to look at the wound.

"Rachel," Shelby said bringing the girl's attention back to the table. She cleared her throat, "Okay, he's in jail and he's going to stay there."

Rachel looked at her carefully frowning deeply. She didn't feel relief. She didn't feel safer. All she felt was a surge of panic. She would have to testify. She would have to tell everyone what happened as he sat there and stared at her. She felt her mother rub her back and she jumped slightly. She leaned closer into her mother. Catching him wasn't the end of the road. It was barely the top of the hill. She still had to come back to earth. It was like that scary ride at the amusement park; the one that lifted you and dropped you. You never knew when you were going to fall, but you knew you had to. Rachel nodded. It was like that. . She felt her breaths get more shallow. She felt her mother pull her closer and she felt her breaths calm slightly.

"We're all okay. We're going to go to bed," Shelby said with a deep breath. "Alright."

Santana looked at her brother and mother with a frown. Quinn looked at her hands but mirrored the same look.

"It's late, girls," Shelby said again. "We're okay. We can talk about this more in the morning, but for now its' time to sleep. We'll be okay in the morning." Santana continued to frown and look at her mother. Shelby caught her eye. "Bug," she whispered at the little girl. "Go upstairs and get changed for bed."

"I want to stay here with you and Noah," she said quietly.

"I'm going upstairs, bug," Noah smiled.

"Me too," Quinn said starting toward the stairs. Rachel looked back at her mother, but let herself be led upstairs.

Santana turned back to her mother as Helen followed the girls up the stairs. Joey and Bear had left a few moments earlier. It was just her and her mother. Santana looked at her with tearful eyes and a shallow breath. Shelby moved closer to her eldest daughter. She wrapped her arms around her bringing Santana closer to her chest. The girl let her walls crumble as she let out a sob. It was all too real. It was all too much.

"I know, Taz," she whispered into her hair.

**I'm not sure if you're disappointed and I apologize for the wait. I just moved cross country and am in the process of changing jobs, but staying in the same field. Please be patient, but know this. I am committed to this story and these characters. I hope you stick with it. Thank you for reading. Furthermore there are no words for the fact that we're up to 1435 reviews. It's beyond appreciated. **


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48 **

Stace – Congrats on the new job! I am glad you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you for reviewing.

SadPanda13 – I am glad you are not disappointed. Yes I did do all that and I am moving one more time and starting a new job so just a little more crazy and then things should settle better I hope – although one of my betas is also starting a new job so it may be a little issue there. Shelby's family is going to make sure she is getting the help and stays as strong as she always is. Santana and Quinn have become great sisters and with that they will be double trouble. Thanks for the review.

StormHallow88 – Well it will take some time for Will to get what he should get coming to him but there will be bits and pieces coming up in this chapter. Thanks for reviewing.

Nikki – Awesome request. I loved it so much I wrote it. I hope you like it and thank you so much for the suggestion.

broadwaybound2016 – Well welcome back I am glad you got to enjoy the last 3 chapters. Thank you for the review.

Janie – Thank you for saying I cannot disappoint that is truly always a concern of mine. Judy's will be revealed at the end of this chapter. Thanks for reviewing.

Cookie07 – Santana has a lot of issues to work through. She blames herself for a lot of things that are never her fault. She is very complex and even though she feels like second fiddle it is her strength that the other girls to rely on to get them through it. San and Britt in school will be featured in this chapter as will Quinn's return to school. Thanks for reviewing.

Lexie-Rae – Firstly, the fact that I have questioned your morals is … there are really no words. Mine are questioned every day that I work in this broken system. I allude to it a tad at the end but this trial coming up will put everyone to the test. Saying it will be a challenge is an understatement. However, situations like this, a point I'm trying to nail home, "moving on" or "getting over it" is impossible. Everything that has happened will be with this family for a long time, perhaps in some ways for the rest of their lives. Not necessarily in big, active ways, but subtle ways, decision making, how they love, etc. Thank you so much for wonderful review. It means so much. I loved that you loved the flashback. Santana's struggle, while subtle is not forgotten and will be revisited more as she transitions more to school and learns more of Noah's plans...Noah and Shelby have a tight bond. If you go back and reread the beginning of the story, I tried to hint at their co-parenting skills (e.g. Rachel's need for the neb). Santana and Quinn have a few moment in this chapter. I love that you love their sistership as well as Shelby and Joey's. Thank you again.

thelastcenturian = Thank you so much for the review! I really love your story, especially Irrefutable. I cannot wait for more.

Taylor – Quinn is one of my favorites and I try to get a lot of each in each chapter. I am sorry you felt there wasn't a lot of her in the last chapter. There are some nice moments for her in this chapter though. Quinn will be allowed in the room for the reading even though Shelby will be nervous that she will be hurt. Thanks for reviewing.

marinka4 – As you can see I am not a fan of Will's either. The 3 girls have many more struggles ahead but they will lean on each other. Thanks for the review.

Kimberlli – Thank you so much. I am glad you liked it. And Will is very sneaky and he will not go down without a fight.

Renata - Thank you so much for wishing me good luck. It is not writing related. But it is still working with children in crisis. Yes the other 2 girls will heal a little better but they will all have lots of healing to do. As always I love receiving your kisses from Brazil.

MrsArgon01 – Sorry for making you cry again but thank you for loving the story and thank you for the review.

alopez208 – Santana just doesn't want her sisters hurt anymore. She wants to take their pain away and doesn't know any other way to express it. Noah will move on but it is very difficult right at the moment to see it. Thank you for your review.

Gleeauthor11 - Quinn and Rachel are on medicine that makes them sleep – the pain killers but they are not getting good sleep. They are up at night and they are always having nightmares so they are really overtired and their bodies are run down. There are unfortunately many of these sick people in the world. Idina would be incredible in this. Thanks for reviewing.

snowdrop1026 – Thank you so MUCH. I feel so honored that you are so invested in this story. Thanks for reviewing.

Scout – Thank you! Food Charts for the girls will be mandatory. That is a constant struggle with them

Fangirl44 – Yes he is caught. But the drama of it all hasn't ended yet. Thanks for the review.

FlatWeasley – Please stay healthy I don't want to lose any of my readers. Thanks for reviewing.

littleredwritinggleek – You will find out if Noah is headed to NY in the next chapter. They will heal HOWEVER, the trial is going to be very hard on all of them. Thanks for reviewing.

NinjaGleek21 – The prisoners will think he is pretty but he wont be in prison until after the trial. He will be in jail though until the trial. Thanks for the review.

TommyH – Thank you ! Although he was not beat up enough for my liking.

Drea LuRuiz - It was good that you read two chapters in a row so that the cliffhanger was not too bad for you. I am glad you enjoyed both chapters. I thank you for all your kind words and loving this story as much as you do. Thank you for taking the time to review. It really truly means so much to me.

RainBlueWater - THANK YOU!

A C one – Shelby will be taking Joey's advice and see a therapist. I am glad you enjoyed the chapter and thanks for the review.

look4me – Not a lot to say - wow - why did you not like the chapter? Joey is very different from Shelby but awesome in her own way. Judy's will reading will be interesting and I hope you like it. Frannie is still very young and needs a lot of growing up herself. Shelby will spend lots of time with All of her kids and that includes Quinn - Quinn is basically in this family for life so she will get the full attention she warrants and deserves from Shelby whether she likes it or not sometimes. Thanks for the review.

dolphinluver46 - Shelby will be going to a therapist and the kids go back to school this chapter. I hope you enjoy! Thanks for the review.

**A/N: Hi, everyone! I'm so sorry for the delay. I've been moving across country and accepted a new job (in the same field) and signed a new lease. Busy times. I want to thank each and every one of you that take the time to read this. I just saw that there are 287 people that have favorited this story and 426 people who have this story on alerts. I am in shock and never cease to be humbled by the response to this story. Thank you again to my two betas and all of you who have given me feedback. I hope this is up to par with your expectations.**

Quinn rounded the corner as she watched Noah with Rachel.

"I'm fine, bug," he said softly. "Go change."

"I want to stay with you," Rachel said quietly.

Noah smiled. "I'm not going anywhere, but go and change." He spotted Quinn. "Quinn can help you."

Rachel looked at Quinn and then looked back at Noah, suddenly feeling foolish. "I'll... I can …. I can do it on my own."

She bowed into the room and Noah watched her with heavy eyes.

"She'll be fine," Quinn said stepping forward next to him.

"I know she will be," he said looking after her. He looked over at Quinn softly with a thankful smile.

Quinn bit her lip and took a deep breath. "Listen... um... I uh...," she struggled.

He smiled. "Spit it out." He laughed.

"How can you... How can you be smiling right now?" she asked with a frown.

He leaned against the wall behind him. "What else can I do?" he asked honestly.

"I should have been there," she whispered looking at her hands. She stared at her fingernails. When was the last time she had a manicure? Her left hand was still swollen a little and the nails were looking all nasty because of the cast. She paused. Why was she thinking about her nails? She turned her gaze toward Noah. He hadn't said anything. his face however was certainly loud enough. "What?" she asked. He was staring at her with a frown and chewed his lip.

"Quinn, I'm glad you weren't there. I'm happy you weren't." He shook his head and leaned back against the wall.

"I am sorry you got hurt, Noah...I kind of feel like some of it is my fault," she said.

"It's not," he said quickly. He looked at her seriously.

"But if I … If I hadn't crashed your car..." she began.

"Yeah," he said looking toward the room Rachel went into. "What if you hadn't crashed the car, where would we be?" He sighed. He lowered his voice as he cautiously looked at Rachel's slightly open door. "If you had gone to your appointment that day like you were supposed to, who would have found Rachel?"

Quinn frowned and looked at him and then back toward where Rachel disappeared.

He shook his head. "I'm not sorry, Quinn," he said folding his arms. "And you shouldn't be either." He looked her in her eyes. "Not one bit."

"Noah," Quinn started again feeling a lump in her throat as she looked at the small cut on his throat. "I should have been there with you. I was supposed to go with you guys. If I was there...he wouldn't have hurt you. He would have-"

Noah frowned. "Quinn, he hurt me because I tackled him to the ground like a samurai on a Mountain Dew overdose." He chuckled at his own joke. He looked at her when he saw the distress still in her eyes. "Quinn, I'm glad you weren't there. You would have done something dumber than me …" He gave a weak smile and shook his head. "Stop trying to change something that you can't. You weren't there and it's better that way." He sighed. "Trust me...I get the what ifs...but there's no point in thinking about them." His eyes stared at the floor. "Because you can't change it. No matter how much you change the situation in your head."

She frowned and watched him for a moment, caught suddenly in how wrong she had been about Noah Corcoran.

"I can't find George," Rachel said in a panic as she emerged from the room clad in a footed onesie with penguins on it against a baby blue background. With the twin braids that Santana had braided into Rachel's hair during their fort-building times, Quinn was pretty sure that this was exactly what Rachel looked like when she was a toddler. Rachel looked at them with greater panic. "I can't find George!" she said with a quivered sob.

Quinn looked over at Noah seemingly stuck on her penguin outfit also.

"I can't find George," Rachel said again beginning to cry.

Quinn frowned, but snapped into action. "Let's look, okay?" she said leading Rachel back into her room. She looked around as Rachel fidgeted next to her. "You didn't sleep in here did you? You slept with San?" Rachel lowered her gaze.

"No," she muttered. "Her bedding is still being washed. We slept in my room."

"Okay," Quinn said gently leading her across the hallway, with Noah behind them.

"George is totally in here," Noah said smiling at her.

She leaned against his side as she still held Quinn's hand as they entered the room. She let go only for a few moments to turn over a few pillows. No stuffed monkey could be found. Noah felt Rachel against him as she began to heave.

"Where's George?" she asked quietly.

Quinn frowned looking at her, knowing that it wasn't about the monkey at all. She felt a strange pang in her heart; she wished that she had a monkey to miss and to keep her whole. Then she frowned, where was her lamb? The ache in her heart calmed her as she was reminded that she wasn't that much different than Rachel. They were the same in so many ways that Quinn felt herself wanting so much for Rachel to be different, simply because she didn't want Rachel to become her.

"Rach,"she asked leaning down taking her hand. "Do you want to use my lamb for the night?"

Rachel looked at her with a deep set frown. "I can't do that," she replied as if Quinn just asked her to fly.

"It's fine," she said leading her to Quinn's room. Quinn looked around her room with a blank stare. Her bed had been stripped. "Ummm," she muttered feeling the panic that she assumed that Rachel must have just felt. "Uh..."

"Oh, there you are," Helen said coming behind them. "I have your linens."

Rachel looked at her hopefully. Quinn tried her best not to look like the eleven year old baby next to her, but was equally as hopeful.

"Hey, girls," Michael said holding a laundry basket and kneeling down in front of Rachel. He held out the monkey to Rachel and the lamb to Quinn. "I think these belong to you?" Rachel leaned forward and wrapped her arm around her grandfather's neck holding George close. "Nana put them in the wash."

Quinn gave a tiny sigh of relief, though a tiny voice in the back of her mind asked herself when the last time her lamb had been washed and if she was okay with her lamb being washed.

"Thanks," she muttered, looking away. Either way, she told the voice, the lamb was back. It was one of the few things that she still clung to. She rethought. It was the only thing that she clung to, the only thing that didn't disappoint.

"Quinn?"

She looked down and Rachel was still gripping onto her hand. She sighed. Maybe that wasn't true anymore. She smiled at Rachel. "I like your pjs," she said as she started to make her bed. Rachel climbed up onto the loft and helped.

"Yeah?" she smiled. "They're my favorite. Penguins are amazing. Did you know..."

Quinn somewhat blocked Rachel out after that moment, while simultaneously grateful that she was listening to the importance of penguins.

…..

Shelby held her eldest daughter close, hugging her tightly and hoping to calm her.

Santana rested her cheek on her mother's neck. She breathed in and calmed, but didn't pull away. She let her body relax into her mother's. "Promise me you won't die," she whispered.

Shelby sighed and continued to hold her daughter. "I don't plan to, Taz, not anytime soon," she whispered rubbing her back. She watched as Santana pulled away and looked at her hands. "I know that a lot has changed around here, San," she began quietly, causing the girl to look up. "And I'm sorry that I haven't been there to push you and support you as -"

"What?" the sixteen year old asked looking up at her. "I'm fine. We're fine." She shook her head. "I don't think... I don't think that at all. Why do you think that?" Her words were rushed and her eyes wide in worry.

Shelby looked at her gently. "Calm down, sweetheart." She sighed and took her hand. "You can try to lie to as many people as you'd like, San, but not me." She searched her daughter's eyes. "You've been doing a good job though. I do commend you there, but not when it comes to me."

Santana looked at her hands. "I don't know what you mean... I just..." She shrugged. "I don't know..."

"I'm sure you haven't thought much about school," Shelby began looking at her.

Santana looked at her. Truth was she spent a lot of time actively not thinking about it. She sighed. "I … haven't had much time," she said quietly. "To think about it I mean."

Shelby nodded and watched her carefully. "Okay," Shelby said. She leaned closer to her. "Next week has the potential of being extraordinarily hard, San. Don't shut me out of that."

She scoffed slightly. "I can handle it, Mom," she said quietly.

"Can you?" she sighed. "I'm not a perfect person in the least." She paused. "I'm sure that you've known this for a long time." Santana opened her mouth to protest, but Shelby pressed on. "I … understand that you're upset and you're trying very hard not to be."

"Mom," she began quietly.

"School may be very stressful," she said quietly. "People might say things about you, about your sisters, all of us."

"Mom," she said with a frown. "I can handle this."

"Santana," Shelby said, she sighed and looked at her daughter carefully. "Can I tell you something?"

The older girl smiled. "I don't think that I have a choice here," she muttered.

"Do you ever wonder where you inherited your temper?" Shelby asked with a frown.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Oh, please, don't say Aunt Joey. That's kinda obvious."

Shelby laughed. "You received it from me." Santana looked at her with a frown. "I'm serious. You're angry for a great deal of reasons, San, but one of them is your passion. You got that from me." Santana frowned. "So please, talk to me."

"Mom, Quinn put her mother in the ground and her father in prison. Rachel's nightmare stabbed Noah... Rachel... Rachel's is in pieces because of that man..." Santana shook her head. "You don't need to worry about me."

Shelby took a deep breath. "There's no special quota for my worry, San," she said carefully. "If there was, all four of you would be even."

"Not true," Santana said shaking her head as she pulled away from her mother.

Shelby reached out and stopped her. "You have thought you have been sneaky since you were in my womb... doing your own thing and in some ways you did get through with it." She sighed and continued with a saddented tone. "And that killed me. It killed me that you were going through so much... that you never came to me... you weren't going to come to anyone." She sighed looking at her with a frown and a tearful stare. "I don't know what's going on in your head anymore, San. I'm guessing." She shook her head again, almost wistfully. "All it is... is a guess." She gave a weak smile. "I think in so many ways it always has been, but... for a while, I was right... It's like I woke up one day and I was wrong." She shook her head. "I know you don't want me to be worried about you but I am. And quite frankly, I'm never going to stop."

Santana looked at her hands as they rested on the counter. She knew her mom was talking about when she discovered that she had been having sex. She remembered the hurt look on her mother's face after their talk that long night. She shook her head, "I didn't...I didn't want you to find out," she began quietly. "I didn't' want to disappoint you...I didn't... I didn't want you to …." She frowned and chewed her lip. "I … I wanted some secrets, Mom. I shouldn't have, but I did... And. ...I needed them... I needed to have something... I don't know... I needed to have something that wasn't talked to death...I needed to screw up … " She frowned. "I … I didn't mean to hurt you."

Shelby looked at her and smiled. "I know," she sighed. "I think you and I have been spending a lot of time trying to protect each other." She sighed. "There are so many things that I'll never stop wanting to protect you from. However, I …. I will try to let you make your own mistakes. " She sighed. "But know that the mistakes that you have made and the secrets that you have kept, shouldnt have been kept. Of all people, you don't have to prove that you're tough to me." She frowned. "So please, let's make a deal and not."

Santana chewed her lip and looked at her hands. She felt her eyes sting. "I … I'm scared, Mom," she whispered. "I …. I'm not sure about any of it."

"That's okay, San," she said quietly.

She chewed her lip. "I need everyone to be okay, Mom," she muttered. "I need you to be okay..." She looked up at her plainly. "If … If you could...do that, that would be great."

Shelby looked at her with a frown, knowing that her daughter needed others to succeed so that she herself knew she could make it.

"Santana, you'll be okay too," she smiled. "Life's just a work in progress," she said gently. "You're doing fine."

"I don't want to have to be fine," she whispered. "I just want this all to go away. I'm tired of it all, but I can't leave. I can't stop. I'm in this...but I just.. I don't want it to be like this anymore."

"What do you want, sweetheart?" she asked moving closer to her.

Santana looked at her and chewed her lip. She wanted to go back nine years and tell her father to go to the hospital for his headache and not go to work. Her mother pulled her from her thoughts when she placed her hand on hers. "I wish we were where we were before..."

"Before what?"

Santana chewed her lip and looked at her mother's hand. Shelby had worn her wedding ring for a long time after the divorce. She wore it so much, Santana could still remember what it looked like on her mother's hand.

"I can't... I can't stop picturing what life would be like if … if he was still here," she whispered.

"San," Shelby said drawing her daughter close to her.

"I know... I know he's never coming back," she whispered. "So I don't understand why I keep expecting him to..." She shook her head and pulled away from her mother. She avoided Shelby's eyes. She didn't talk about her father for that reason. For that look on her mother's face in that moment, that one that made her disappear from the moment. "Mom," she said calling her from her thoughts. "I wish I could go back to when Rachel couldn't remember and we had moved on.-"

"I'm sorry, Santana," she whispered. "I don't think we did."

"I know," she sighed. "I miss people not knowing about me... now they all … they all know about me... And Quinn..."

"Santana," Shelby said gently. She looked at her sixteen year old daughter. Her vulnerability was traced on her face so boldly that she couldn't avoid it even if she was miles away. Shelby pulled her daughter to her and held her close. Santana sat against her leg on her lap as her mother wrapped her hands around her waist. For a moment she felt like she was six years old, safe, loved, with the world ahead of her. "I know you do, San but we can't change that," she whispered tearfully resting her cheek against her daughter's temple. She went on with greater fortitude. "That doesn't mean we are not strong enough to move forward now that this is out. We just have to adjust but the great thing is you don't have to try and do it alone anymore. You have all of us to be there with you and you need to realize that." She searched her daughter's eyes. "Look how amazingly strong you were before holding it all in by yourself. I have so much faith in you that you can help this family move forward because you are amazing and we will help you through that. All of us can help each other in ways we never knew, but we can't do it when we don't talk about it and that is something that we all have to work on." She sighed. "Including me."

Santana looked at her with big eyes. Unsure, but she trusted her mother. She trusted her and she couldn't disappoint her anymore.

"I don't know how," she whispered. "But I'll try..."

Shelby smiled hugging her softly. "That's all I ask."

…..

Shelby pulled the blanket up under Noah's chin as she kissed him lightly. As soon as he hit the pillow he was asleep. She smiled thankful that he was still here. She resisted the urge to dig out the baby monitors from the attic, but instead just left the door slightly ajar.

"Go to bed," she heard her mother say behind her.

Shelby rolled her eyes and came into the hallway. "Yeah, yeah," she said quietly peaking into Quinn's room.

"You take your meds?"

"Yes," she said quietly.

"Yes, she did," Helen yelled from the hallway.

Quinn nodded and looked at her hands and then back at her bed.

"I...I... I.." she whispered.

Shelby frowned and looked at her. She set down the small pile of laundry she was holding. She pulled Quinn into a gentle hug.

"I'm okay," the blonde whispered tearfully. "I'm... I'm okay..."

"Yeah?" she smiled.

She frowned and leaned into the mother, her mother. She opened her mouth to try to say something. She decided there was nothing to say. "I...I'm tired...Rachel... probably needs you... San, too... but she won't admit it..."

"Quinn, do you want to come in with us?" she asked gently.

"No...No," she said shaking her head. "I'm fine. I'm fine..."

"Quinn, come sleep with us," she said softly.

She shook her head pulling away. "I'm fine...Good night..."

Shelby kissed her softly and hugged her. "I love you very much," she whispered kissing her again. "Come in if you need anything."

Quinn nodded and climbed up slowly in her bed. Shelby pulled the blankets up and kissed her softly.

"Do you have your lamb?" she asked looking on the bed.

"Yes," Quinn said with a smirk.

"Night, Q-bear," she whispered.

"Night," she whispered back.

Shelby began to leave her and turned and stopped. "Come and see me if you want okay? You never have to ask me."

She nodded and Shelby headed out of the room. She yawned and made her way to her room where Rachel was curled up and Santana was already snoring with her arms draped around Rachel.

"Mumma," Rachel smiled with a sleepy sigh.

Shelby threw the laundry in the basket in her bathroom and then walked over to the bed. "Hey, bug," she smiled. She frowned slightly at Rachel's onesie. That girl loved penguins. "Did you put on your ointment?"

She watched the guilt wash over her youngest child. "Yes," she saw the lie in Rachel's tired eyes.

The mother sighed, recognizing the need to pick her battles. She smiled. "Well, I'm proud of you, bug," she smiled. "That was very responsible of you. I know that you must be aching and it must feel so much better with it on." Rachel looked down as Shelby climbed into bed. "New day tomorrow, bug. You can always start new tomorrow."

The tiny girl sighed and leaned her head on her mother's chest, listening to her heart, reminding herself that she was okay.

Shelby eased her eyes shut. She took a deep breath. They were okay. They were all okay. She sighed and thought for a moment about how different their lives had been a few short months ago. She thought about how fast and how drastic things had changed. She never could have predicted what happened, but in so many ways she knew that it was coming.

"_Thanks, Jo," Shelby said as she pulled on her coat. _

"_No problem," Joey said as she stood at the kitchen counter. "Are the kids in their rooms?" _

"_No," Shelby said with a sigh. "Santana is out for a morning run with Brittany. They're gossiping about the other co-captain." Shelby rolled her eyes. "You know the dramas of cheerleading." Joey scoffed. "What?" she asked._

"_I doubt they're talking about cheerleading." she muttered. She continued with her voice lowered. "I doubt they're even running." _

"_What?" Shelby pushed. _

"_Nothing," Joey shrugged. "Where's my little pumpkin?" _

"_Which? Noah or Rachel?" Shelby smiled shaking her head. "Noah's still sleeping. I woke him up but I'm sure he's back asleep. Rachel is -" _

"_What are you doing here?" Rachel said practically skipping into the room. _

"_Ready already?" Joey asked with a smile, but knowing the answer. It didn't mater that it was barely seven in the morning. _

_Rachel rolled her eyes and looked at her mother for an answer as she climbed onto one of the stools. _

_Shelby smiled. "Just was called in early to work." _

"_Oh," Rachel said eagerly as she leaned forward. "About what?" _

_Shelby shook her head. "Bye, bug," she said kissing her lightly. "Make sure everyone gets out on time please." _

"_Like the chart says!" Rachel pointing to the color coded excel sheet on the fridge. _

_Shelby nodded and Joey rolled her eyes. _

"_Yes, Rachel. The charts you made were very helpful," Shelby nodded glancing at the clock on the wall. "I need to go." _

"_They're very helpful! I can make you a chart, Mom," Rachel said. _

_Shelby nodded and opened the back door. "I'll think about it. Draw me up a draft." _

_She rolled her eyes and made her way quickly to the car. She received a call of a girl that needed an evaluation that was brought in late last night. She was on call for the advocacy center. She looked at her watch. If she did this evaluation and wrote the report, she could get the other stuff finished that she needed and hopefully be out of the office at a reasonable hour this evening. She was only part time for the department but with increasing case loads plus each one of her kids doing separate activities all the time she felt like she was more than busy all the time, and somehow it seemed that they always called when she felt the busiest. But it wasn't a 9- 5 job. She grabbed her phone and put it on her bluetooth. _

"_Lima Children's Advocacy Center. How can I help you?" _

"_Good morning. This is Shelby Corcoran. I received a call early this morning," she said. _

"_Yes, please hold." Shelby turned out of her neighborhood and drove past the park. She frowned. There was a police cruiser in front of the Fabray mansion. Weird. She scoffed and shook her head. Russell probably was fuming. _

"_Shelby, good morning!" a voice came on the line. "It's Jill from the center. Thanks for answering the page." _

"_No problem. Do you want to debrief me on the phone or wait until I get there?" Shelby asked as she made her way into the town. _

"_I can do it here," Jill said with a sigh. "Sixteen year old came in late last night. She was found in a park alone late last night by a cruiser. They brought her back home and there was a confrontation at the house. There was a stand-off between the parents and police; alcohol could be smelled on the breath of both of her parents at that time. The police at the scene discovered welt marks on the child's back so she was brought in. She then had a basic physical where both semen and bruising were found on her inner thighs. I did the interview with her when she came in and she admitted, though reluctantly, that her father sexually abused her. We did a rape kit and... There were clear signs of previous assault as well..." _

_Shelby nodded sighing. "Alright. You just want me to do a psych interview with her?" _

"_Elyse also responded to the call, if you don't have time, I understand," Jill said. _

"_No, I have time. I'll be there in a few more minutes. Could you please have her file ready when I get there?" _

"_Absolutely. See you soon." _

"_One quick question," Shelby asked. "How old did you say she was again?" _

"_She's sixteen," Jill said heavily. _

_Shelby sighed, knowing that sexual abuse of a sixteen year old rarely started at sixteen. "Alright, I'm pulling into the parking lot right now. I'll be inside soon." _

_Shelby sighed and walked into the center. She did work here frequently and every time she wondered if she was a glutton for punishment because it always reminded her of her children. _

"_Morning," Jill said greeting her, and handing her a file folder. "Thanks for coming in." _

"_No problem," Shelby replied shrugging off her coat and opening the file but looking around. "Actually, can I meet her first or see her at least, I know it's early she's probably not awake. I just..." Shelby sighed. "We always get the paperwork, but I just... can I see her first before I read this?" _

_Jill nodded. "Of course." _

_A woman joined them on the walk. "I'm Jackie, her social worker."_

_Shelby nodded. "Morning." _

"_I'm sure Jill gave you a briefing." _

_Shelby nodded, "Yes, we will get started in a few minutes. I just wanted to see her and meet her first before I review her file."_

_Shelby grabbed the file and followed them down the brightly colored hallway. She liked how they decorated, save for those damn animals on the wall. She wasn't sure if she hated the animals as much as she hated what they reminded her of. Jill and Jackie stopped outside of a room and the three of them looked in to see that the blonde teen was sleeping in the corner of the bed, restlessly. Shelby froze and stared at the girl for a moment before quickly opening the file. _

_**QUINN FABRAY **__It read at the top. _

"_Jesus Christ," she whispered. _

"_What is it?" Jackie asked. _

"_I know her," She said watching the blonde girl toss and turn. _

"_So you can't evaluate her?" Jackie asked nodding in acknowledgement. _

_Shelby sighed with the opened file as she gazed through it. "What's her case plan? Where is she being placed?" _

"_Well, we are placing her for now in a group home and -" _

"_I will take her." Shelby said quickly looking back up at the blonde teen._

"_Shelby," Jill started to object._

_Shelby shook her head, cutting off her co-worker, "I am licensed as a therapeutic placement." She looked at the women. "I know that there is paperwork and a process but …" She shook her head. "I'm in. I'll do it." _

_Jackie frowned. "You're sure? Did you read the file?" _

_Shelby watched as Quinn woke up slowly and she felt a surge of emotion in her chest. "More sure than anything," she frowned. She looked at the women. "I will go out on a limb and predict that she won't do well at a group home. I know that I do have three other children at home but don't look at me and pretend that you don't know about them" She sighed steeling her face. "I have a great family support system in the area and in general. Trust me. She'll be at home with me. Call Elyse to do the assessment but I'll talk to her now if I can." Jackie and Jill looked at each other knowing that they didn't have another choice. She stood up and walked into the room. _

_Quinn jumped and looked up putting a frown on her face. "When can I leave?" She looked down at her clothes. She was wearing a pair of sweats and a t-shirt that weren't hers. "Excuse me? Where are my clothes? I need my uniform for school." The girl wasn't talking to Shelby as much as she was just talking in general. "You need to let me go home and get my uniform at least. you can't keep me here!" She frowned noticing Shelby's presence. "Who are you? "_

"_I'm Shelby," she said carefully. "Can I sit?" she asked pointing at a seat. _

"_I guess," she spat. "It's not my seat." _

"_I work closely with this center and I was wondering if you would like to come live with me for awhile-" she began_

"_I don't need to," she hissed. "Thanks, but no thanks." _

_Jackie entered the room from the doorway. "You're going to need to stay somewhere until we figure this out. You have an interview with someone else. She being called now and then you'll be going to a group home. However, that's temporary and -" _

"_NO!" Quinn said standing up. "This is stupid! Just let me go home. My parents are fine. I need to go to school! You're wrong! You know nothing." _

"_We're not going to let them hurt you anymore, Quinn," Jackie said. _

"_Fuck you," she hissed. "You know nothing." _

"_You're right," Shelby said calmly. "There's a lot we don't know but our priority is you and keeping you safe and those two things." _

"_I went to the damn park," she hissed. "The park! That's my fault! I won't go again let me go home." _

"_Quinn, it's more about you just going to the park." _

_Shelby watched as the girl slightly deflated. _

_She shook her head. "I was wrong. Forget it … just let me go." _

"_We will talk more about this later, Jackie said. She turned to Shelby. "Thanks for coming down." _

"_Quinn, think about it" Shelby said as she stood up. "You have a place to stay at my house. I would love to talk to you more about it maybe when things settle down a bit.-"_

"_I'll be going home, so I don't need to stay with you," she bit. _

_Shelby nodded. "Alright. Goodbye." she passed Jackie on the way out and handed the woman her business card. "Give me a call. Start the paperwork." _

_The mother sighed and walked out of the room grabbing her coat and her bag. She was going to do this. She wasn't doing it because she felt that there was a debt that she needed to repay or a sympathy that she needed to ease. She was doing it because it was something that she knew she had to do. There wasn't a question; it was simple. _

…_.._

The door opened with a slight squeak. Shelby opened her eyes and looked as Quinn stood at the doorway looking at her with her lamb hanging at her side.

"Mom," she whispered tearfully. "I can't sleep, I'm sorry" she said with tears.

Shelby shifted Rachel slightly and moved over opening the blankets. "Climb in," she smiled.

Quinn let out a tiny sob and climbed in next to her. Shelby hushed her. "It will get better. We will all get better..."

"I've... I've never...done this before... with my …. with Judy," she frowned leaning into Shelby.

Shelby combed the blonde hair back. "I know," she whispered kissing her softly on the cheek. "Just sleep, okay? I've got you. We're going to sleep in tomorrow and it'll be great." Shelby smiled.

Quinn took a deep breath and leaned into her mother. "Thank you," she whispered letting herself ease into sleep.

Shelby smiled. "Always."

….

The rest of the weekend went fast, but slow all at once. Nana had the kids on lock down. They curled up and watched movies and ignored the rest of the world. However, Monday morning came way too quickly. Santana stared at herself in the mirror. She wasn't sure if she wanted to do this. She used to work so hard for this. This used to fit like a glove; now it felt so uncomfortable. She smoothed out the Cheerio skirt. It just didn't feel right. She closed her eyes and heard Rachel crying in her head. However, they weren't the cries from recent, it was those from when she was two.

"You look nice," a voice said from behind her. She snapped her eyes open now back in the present. She turned and Brittany was looking at her with a smile.

"Hey," she felt herself smile. The brunette leaned in and and kissed her softly on the cheek. "Your mom is letting you ride with us?"

"Yeah," she said with a nod. "How's everything here?"

"We just hung out for most of the weekend. My mom gave us a lecture last night about trying stay calm and counting to five in our head and walking away if people aggravate us." Santana rolled her eyes trying to make light of the situation but knew that it was real. Maybe they were making something more dramatic than it actually was, but Santana was sure that the tables had turned at McKinley and it was no longer in her family. Santana shook her head and sighed pointing with her eyes at the bathroom. "That's how we're doing, she muttered.

The girls turned and looked toward the open bathroom door. Rachel was leaning against the doorframe watching Quinn get ready. "What do you need, Rach?" Quinn asked with a heavy sigh as she brushed her hair.

Santana arched her brow. "Rachel has been following her around all weekend," she said with a small sigh. She's been around all of all weekend." She sighed. While Santana was nervous about going to school, she knew Rachel was just as nervous about being left behind.

Brittany watched Quinn with Rachel, grateful that they had each other, but she knew that Quinn must be fed up especially this morning on this day. She frowned also noticing that Quinn wasn't wearing her uniform, but decided that she would address that later.

"Hey, Rach," Brittany called the smaller girl over. Rachel looked over her shoulder and walked into Santana's room smiling at Brittany but didn't tackle the blonde in a hug like she used to. Instead, she looked up at her waiting patiently. "You're going to have a good day, right?" Rachel nodded silently. Brittany gave her a smile. "Good. Me too." She took Santana's hand, surprising the older brunette, who gave a weak nod. "Yeah."

Santana blinked and shook her head trying to focus. Brittany saw the lingering upset in both Santana and Quinn's eyes,

Brittany took a breath. "Rachel, do you want to come downstairs and eat breakfast with me?"

"Well, I..." Rachel looked between the older girls. "Um... I …"

"Come on," Brittany smiled. "Your mom is downstairs and offered me some breakfast. I just need someone to eat with me besides Noah. He chews with his mouth open." Rachel gave a tiny smile and looked back to Santana one last time before going downstairs.

The tension was eminent and Santana gave a soft smile to Rachel. "Go on, bug," she smiled. "We'll be down in a few minutes."

Santana watched as Brittany led Rachel down the stairs silently. She waited until the footsteps faded before she turned to Quinn.

"Hey," she whispered. She bit her lip. Quinn gave her a small smile. "You look nice."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Yeah, the cast really brings out my eyes."

Santana smirked. "I think so." She looked down at her uniform. "Maybe I should change too," she muttered.

Quinn shook her head. "No," she frowned. "I don't have a uniform because it was cut off of me …." She scoffed. "Literally …." She thought back at the hospital. She leaned back and sat on the edge of the tub. "I don't want to do this," she said looking at the ground. She waved her hand in the air. "Everyone knows, San. Everyone knows about the baby... Everyone knows that it was my father's …. Everyone knows." She shook her head and continued to stare at the ground. "I … just... I want to stay in this house, but I know that I shouldn't and that... I can't..." She looked at the ground. She continued in a whisper. "After all this...I want my uniform back. How stupid is that? I just... I want things to be how..." She sighed and shook her head. "I know that sounds stupid." She continued to look down at the floor.

Santana looked at her knowing what she was saying without saying it. Cheerios uniform was armor. Only those who had it and had it taken away understood how exposed and vulnerable you felt after it left. Perhaps it was trivial but Santana knew to Quinn it was so much more than the uniform.

"Quinn," she said gently. "Coach, can give you a new uniform at school. You're still a Cheerio. You're still the captain. You know Coach hates to see Cheerios out of uniform. " Santana scoffed. "You know mainly because she forgets that they're a Cheerio unless they're 'labeled' with a uniform."

"I'm not," she muttered. "I'm not a Cheerio. I'm not a leader. Not anymore."

"Quinn," Santana said quietly.

"I don't want to argue with you about this and no pep talk is going to make me feel better." She sighed as she stared at the carpet. "I don't feel like a Cheerio but I need it, but I can't..."

"Quinn," Santana tried again.

"What?" she whispered still looking at the ground. She gave a heavy sigh.

Santana took her hand. "Hey, look at me," she smiled.

Quinn slowly looked up. "Yeah?"

"Today might suck a lot and tomorrow might be even worse, but..." She shook her head. "Yeah, our secrets are out and I... I don't know how I'll handle it but I love you and I have your back."

Quinn laughed. "Sure you do."

"I totally do. Don't doubt me." Santana gave a grin and let it fade slowly. "I was in something that …. I was in something with Britany that I didn't understand and still don't and now I'm shoved out of the closet and confused as people ask me about true love and shit." She frowned. "I don't know what's going through your head but, I … I love you, you're my sister and if anyone messes with you I'll kick their ass. I promise." Quinn rolled her eyes and sighed. "No, seriously," Santana went on. She made eye contact with Quinn. "I mean it."

The blonde frowned. "We will never leave the house as it is." She sighed. "You can't get into fights because of me. I know you're tough as nails but you're still combat Barbie."

Santana scoffed. "Excuse me, I'm GI Jane. I can kick ass."

Quinn gave a small snicker. "You're definitely not GI Jane."

Another silence settled over them. "I think... I think we will be okay. It'll suck but we have each other and …. all that crap," Santana smiled and gave Quinn's hand a further squeeze. "I'll tell you if I need you and you tell me if you need me, kay?"

Quinn squeezed back. "Yeah." She paused. "But we are still the HBIC's."

Santana smiled. "Without a doubt."

…...

Shelby watched her two elder girls emerge from the stairs. There was an odd tension that blanketed them. They were all able to escape the day before, but that solace of the restful Sunday was gone. Reality seeped back into their lives.

"Breakfast," she said pointing to the place setting at the counter. She gave Quinn a look telling her, silently that there was no room for argument.

Rachel looked up at them from her own barely touched plate. Brittany clearly had been trying but unsuccessfully distracting the girl. Noah came plowing in with envelopes in hand.

"Kay, here," he said handing the big thick packets to his mother. "I did it just as you said. Stamp home address and school. Got it all in the right place. I feel like I am a pro at forms and stuff." He smiled proudly.

Shelby smiled and tucked Noah' finished college applications into her bag. "I'll drop them off at the post office myself."

Rachel looked up. "You're not gonna come straight home?" she asked.

The mother smiled. "I'm going to drop them off and then run a few errands, bug." She saw Rachel's worried brow. "Nana and Pop-pop will be here to stay with you while you work with Holly."

The eleven year old's face fell even more. "You're going to be gone the whole time I'm with Holly?" she asked with a frown. "Where are you going?"

Shelby looked at her and opened her mouth to answer, hesitating slightly.

"I'm here!" Joey yelled as she came through the back door. She frowned in surprise to see the family around the island. "Oh... Hello." she held out coffee to Shelby. "Good morning."

"What are you doing here?" Noah asked.

"Well good morning," she scoffed at her nephew. She looked at the kids. "Why do one of you always ask that? You should be thrilled to see me!"

The five kids looked at her in silence.

"Stop causing trouble, Joey," Helen said coming in behind her carrying a boat and tote bag filled with books and various items. "It's not that they're not thrilled, it's just that you're always here." An awkward silence settled on the room as the kids exchanged a look and returned their gaze back to Helen. "Well, then, how's breakfast? I brought muffins."

Noah smiled. "I like when you visit, Nana."

"Because of the food," Satana scoffed.

"Alright, anyway," Shelby said looking at the kids. "I expect best behavior from all of you today. Alright?" She began to pack up her bag more for the day. "I know we talked about this already yesterday, but I just...I need you guys to try to keep yourselves from fights today. I don't know if my heart can take anymore," she said with a small chuckle. Another silence. She looked up at the kids. Rachel was starting to tear up for the tenth time that morning and the older kids looked at her with worry and concern while Brittany sat there trying to read what was happening. "I'm fine," Shelby said quickly. "It was a joke, I'm fine."

"Mom," Noah said carefully.

"I'm fine," Shelby said settling next to Rachel as she rubbed her back. "We're all fine."

There was a soft knock on the door and Michael entered with Holly behind them. Michael soaked in the tension as he tucked Charlie the dog under his arm. "You all need to get going."

Shelby nodded kissing Rachel lightly on the top of her head. "Finish the rest of this please," she told her. She glanced down at Quinn's oatmeal. "Quinn, five more bites please. Actual bites not bird bites."

Quinn sighed and continued to eat. Santana reached out and took her hand. "Eat up, GI Jane," she whispered. Quinn sighed and ate.

After Shelby had Rachel settled to do work with Holly and Nana seemed to explode like a crafty Mary Poppins on the breakfast room table, they were finally ready to leave. They piled into the car. Joey apparently was going with Shelby somewhere, Quinn didn't have the energy to ask. Those two were practically married... or just sisters.. she couldn't decide which ones.

Shelby smiled as they finally pulled up. "Behave, guys," she said with a smile. "You'll do great. Remember to go straight to Principal Figgins office. You have your phones but they're only to call me if you need me. If I see any texting on my bill... for every text or other phone call it will be an additional week of chores."

She was expecting a groan but only got a response from Noah. "Mom, at this point we know we're grounded until summer, so... any additional threats aren't that big of a deal..."

"Would you like to challenge that?" Shelby asked.

"Not really," he muttered. "We should go."

They piled out of the car. "Take care," she called out after them. Santana and Quinn nodded weakly.

"Chin up," Joey smiled. "Talk to you later."

As the four of them walked into school everyone talking around them went silent. The whole school was staring and not a subtle stare like a bad eighties movie stare. Quinn sighed and walked heavily with Santana at her side. She felt a strange uneasiness that she needed her mingling with a comfort that she had her. She continued to remain in her daze as Figgins gave them a lecture about behavior as well as a lingering apology to her about the 'incidents' and the 'death in the family.' Quinn felt like he was giving her an unwanted gift, one that was mostly for the sake of giving rather than the thought behind it. She sighed.

"Quinn, Quinn, Quinn!" she looked up and Santana was in her face. "I've been trying to get your attention forever."

"What?" she asked with a nervous laugh.

"I have to run to the locker room," Santana said. "Wanna come?"

"I don't need you to be my guard dog," she snapped.

"I'm not, geeze." Santana frowned and shared a look with Brittany. "It was just a question." She paused. "So... um... I'll see you later?"

"Probably," Quinn frowned, realizing she didn't want to be babysat. "We live together and share a bathroom... so... Yes, I'll see you later." Santana frowned but Quinn chose to ignore it and turned on her heels. "If you send people to spy on me, I'm going to bleach your clothes."

Santana rolled her eyes and turned to watch her brother disappear with a wave as well. She smiled at Brittany but pulled back when the blonde reached out to take her hand as she looked around the hallway. "Sorry," she said quietly. She saw the hurt in Brittany's eyes. "I just... I don't know how to do this here." She sighed. "I'll figure it out. I love you, I just... I don't know if I'm ready to hold your hand and kiss you in public yet..." She squeezed her eyes shut. "Damn it, that sounded terrible." She shook her head as Brittany opened her mouth to reply. "Um... let me just run to the locker room." Brittany opened her mouth again. "I'm gonna go alone. I'm sorry. Just... I'll see you in homeroom." her eyes followed in Quinn's direction. "Watch her?"

"Course," Brittany said. She opened her mouth to say something but once again, Santana cut her off.

"I have to go," she said adjusting her backpack in duffle. "See you in a second."

And with that, the brunette walked in the other direction, leaving behind a baffled girl who thought she was her girlfriend.

…..

Quinn felt the stares on her. Were they looking at her? The absence of her uniform? Her giant ugly cast? Her permanently jaded eyes? She was at McKinley again, a place she used to find solace and instead she felt something else.

She reached her locker trying her best not to hear the gossip around her.

"Hey there," a male voice said coming up behind her.

She frowned and opened her locker before she turned around to face the voice. She frowned at the hockey player. "What?' she asked.

He shrugged. "Long time no see," he smiled.

"Go away," she said grabbing her books, closing her locker and heading down the hallway.

He followed her. "So what happened to you arm? Daddy break it?"

Quinn swallowed but forced herself to continue walking. His steps continued behind her. She picked up her pace down the hallway towards the open door leading to the west stairs.

"I know that you put out for Finn, but I never knew you were that desperate to be touched at home," he said as he leaned closer to her ear at the end of the statement. She steeled her jaw but continued to walk, but mainly because she didn't know what she would say and most importantly she didn't think she would be able to not cry.

"Oh, c'mon ice queen," he mocked as he slammed the door shut that she was trying to open. She frowned and turned around.

"What do you want me to say?" she asked with a deep set frown. "I mean really?" She spotted a few dozen eyes on her. "What do you want me to say?"

The boy leaned forward, "Come on, say it's true. We all have heard the rumors." He chuckled. "We're even filling in the blanks ourselves." He smiled and leaned close to her ear. "You always thought you were better than us. But now we know you're not." He gave an exaggerated sigh. "Tell us how many times you banged your father, you crazy freak."

Quinn felt her heart stop. Everyone knew. Everyone knew. Quinn couldn't help the tears at this point.

"HEY!" Sue Sylvester came down the hall in a red track suit. "What the hell is going on here?!" She looked around. "Go learn crap!" The crowd started to disperse slowly, but everyone' eyes continued to fix on Quinn. "GO!" Finally the halls began to clear.

She turned to the boy grabbing his collar. "Listen, what you said was sexual harassment. Consider yourself warned, kid. If I see you speaking to Quinn or another girl like you did just now, not only will you not be starting this season for hockey, you'll be off the team."

"You're the cheerleading coach! You can't do that!" he snapped.

Sue smiled and leaned forward. "Watch me." He frowned and started to leave. She coughed. "Are you forgetting something?" she asked with a deep frown. He looked at her confused. "An apology, you ape."

"Sorry," he muttered as he started to walk away. .

"Sir, expect a call from the principal later," Sue called to him. "I'll also be talking to your coach. You're officially on my list."

He frowned and disappeared down the hallway. Quinn quickly wiped her tears. Sue turned to her.

"Come with me," the coach said.

The blonde girl frowned, but followed suit. Even with Sue leading the way and glaring at people who stared, she still felt their judgements deep in her soul. Were all of them wondering about the secrets that Quinn had held silent in the darkness of her bedroom? She knew it didn't matter if she transfered schools. Not only did everyone in Lima know, but everyone in the county and state knew now too. She knew how this worked. She remembered when one of the cheerleaders from a neighboring school allowed a boy to have anal sex with her she was forever known as "Anal Ally" for the rest of her days at all of the schools in the area. Quinn frowned. What would her name be? Was there a name for someone who had sex with and had a baby with her father? Her mind sifted through names for a moment: Fuckbray...Bastard's Bitch... Cheer-Hoe... Her mind wondered. She frowned and narrowed her gaze and hardened her jaw. She didn't need sympathy. She would rather be a bitch or something that she wasn't then be real... She wasn't going to let anyone but her family, the Corcorans, see that. Not ever.

…..

Santana held her head high as she walked through McKinley. She felt everyone's eyes on her, judging her. She saw such a variety of gazes from scornful to apathetic. Their thoughts screamed in her head. She adjusted her duffle on her shoulder making her way into the gym toward the locker room.

"Hey, Corcoran," she heard from behind her.

"Go away, Travis," she frowned as she continued to walk forward. She didn't even waste time to turn around. However, she was stopped when a hand slammed against the stacked up wooden bleachers, his arm blocking her way. "What?" she hissed still not looking at him.

"So you like pussy now huh?" he said with a snicker as he leaned close her her. She backed away but he slammed the other palm on the other side of her, caging her in. "Oh, don't be like that," he said with a grin. "You and I had a fun time last year at the winter ball." He smiled and stroked her face with his fingers grazing her cheek. She jerked her head away. "Remember?"

"Hey!"

Santana and Travis looked up as Mike approached them quickly, pulling Travis away from her.

"What?" Travis asked with a frown as he put his hands up in the air.

"Get the hell out of here, idiot!" He yelled as he stood slightly in front of Santana.

"Whatever," Travis said waving his hands more, walking away. "See ya later slut. Once a cock slut always a cock slut."

"Son of a bitch-" Mike said starting toward him.

However, Santana's hand shot out and stopped him by pressing on his chest. "Forget about it," she mumbled to Mike, but she didn't give him time to respond. She walked quickly toward the locker rooms, away from the boy. She rounded the corner away from Mike and heard him exit through the heavy gym door into the main hallway of the school. She neared the locker room corridor.

"Santana...Santana," a voice taunted behind her.

She quickened her pace toward the hallway, but only slightly she wasn't going to run away.

"Oh, come on," he said with a grin as he grabbed her upper arm forcing her to turn around and face him.

It was another faceless jock she had slept with a couple times.

"Go away," she said between clenched teeth.

He ground his hips against hers. She tried take a few steps back to get away from his grinding but realized he still had her upper arm in a tight grip, "Come on, Santana. Someone turned you into a lesbo, but I'm sure I can change you back." He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips as she pushed against his chest without success.

"No!" she hissed into his dirty mouth.

"OFF NOW!" a voice echoed with benevolence from behind them.

Santana was breathing hard from the panic and the stress as she focused on Sue. She frowned but caught her breath.

"What is it with you?" Sue hissed. "You think she's up for grabs? You're not a rabbit!" She shook her head. "Go to the principal's office immediately. Don't get lost." She paused and narrowed her eyes. "I'll find you." She snuck a glance at Santana making sure she was okay. The girl gave her a tiny nod and Sue returned to look at the boy. "Go," she frowned.

He sighed heavily and left. Sue softened and looked at Santana. "Let's talk in my office," she said. "Quinn is already waiting in there."

"What?" Santana asked quickening her pace and hardening her dark eyes. "What the hell happened?!"

"Heel, cujo," Sue calmed. "She's fine, but the three of us need to talk." She led them in. "Let's begin, Quinn with finding you a uniform."

….

Noah slammed his locker shut. Applications were sent. This was happening. This was real. He frowned. He needed to go up to New York. How would that work? Either way his Mom would probably find out... so primarily he just needed enough time to get away. He frowned as he thought. Enough time to be ahead of her that when he was caught, it was too late for her to stop him. A weekend, he decided. When would he have a weekend to drive up to New York with Mike? He frowned.

Mike came storming up to him.

"Hey," Noah said quickly. "I was thinking next weekend we can do our plan."

Mike continued frowning but nodded. "What plan?"

"Our road trip," Noah said. "I need to do it soon. Could we go next weekend?"

"Yeah, yeah," Mike said. "My parents are out of town. I can pay my sister to pretend to be my mom on the phone and talk to your warden." He sighed opening his locker with a bang and then closing it with a slam.

"Dude," Noah frowned. "I know I have been gone for a week, but geeze."

"Forget it," he said. "It's not you," he muttered.

"What is it?" Noah said hardening his face. "I could use someone else to be pissed at. I'm pissed enough about everything in my family. I would love to be pissed for you."

Mike took a breath and thought for a moment before looking at his friend. "It's fine," he whispered. "I'm taking care of it. Don't worry."

Noah paused and pulled at Mike's letterman jacket so the boy looked at him. He took a deep breath and understood the other boy's look.

"What happened?" he frowned.

"Nothing, dude. I'll take care of this," he urged knowing his best friend didn't need this.

"No, you won't," Noah pushed. "If it has to do with my sisters, you'll tell me."

Mike frowned, knowing he couldn't win. He dug his hands into his jacket pocket. "You can't get suspended for another week..." He sighed, "Travis and San had a bit of a run in."

Noah instantly hardened his gaze.

…..

Shelby and Joey sat down in the courtroom.

"Thanks for coming," Shelby whispered.

"Where else would I be?" Joey smiled taking her sister's hand. "This is almost over," she assured.

Shelby shook her head as the judge entered and they stood. "No," she whispered. "It's just beginning."

Will Schuester entered the room with a stone gaze. His face was still slightly bruised from the hits Noah inflicted. However, the monster's face softened when he saw Shelby. The woman thought he would wave if he wasn't handcuffed. The judge sat down and it began.

"Please state your name for the record."

The man who hurt her daughters leaned forward toward the microphone. "William Schuester."

There were papers exchanged as the judge skimmed through, taking a long pause to look at the charges.

"How do you plea to the charges listed?" the judge asked.

"Not guilty."

The words ripped through Shelby. How could he do that? How could they possibly think that he was innocent? She felt her sister's hand grip hers.

"You honor, the people move to deny bail based on the circumstances of this case," the ADA stated.

"Your honor," Felix said. "My client recognizes he broke the-"

"Mr. Duncan, while I'm sure you may have an entertaining argument, you and I both know your client's violations of his house arrest are far beyond the arena where I would ever consider granting him bail. I agree. Mr. Schuester will be held without bail based on his fugitive status. Mr. Schuester, you will immediately be escorted to a maximum security prison outside of Cleveland where you will be held until your preliminary hearing, without bail or bond. The trial date will be assigned to you within a week or two. Next case."

Shelby watched him disappear through the doors. She didn't feel any relief at all. He was going to fight this tooth and nail and he was ready to take down everyone on his way. She felt a hand on hers. She didn't want to look at her sister. She didn't need that look of sympathy. She stood and pulled out her phone wondering if anything had gone wrong outside of the courtroom in the last fifteen minutes. She paused looking at screen. A new voicemail.

"Crap," she muttered as she pulled on her coat and put her phone to her ear.

"What?" Joey asked.

Shelby sighed. "The school called."

…..

**Sorry for the delay again, everyone. Again, I hope to get back up to 15k-20k words again. We will see. Sorry it was shorter. **

**I hope you like it. Lots to come...**

**Please let me know what you think. **


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49

Guest - I am so glad you liked chapter 26! I hope you have had a chance to catch up. Thank you so much for your kind words and reviewing the story.

AnaPana13 - I am glad you decided to continue to read the story. I am glad I was able to rope you in on Chapter 1. I hope I can live up to your expections throughout the story. This chapter was a little more challenging for me to write so I hope it comes out the way I have intended it to. As always thank you so much for your reviews.

broadwaybound2016 - Awesome I am glad you did. Thanks for the review.

Victoria - I am so glad you are enjoying the story and I think you for your patience. My beta loves Quinn and makes me keep her as real as possible. I love her too. Shelby was in it from the beginning with Quinn and while it has been difficult – Shelby never would have backed away. Thank you for you kind review.

SadPanda13 - The line you liked embarrassingly enough I laughed myself. Rachel and Quinn's scene about losing their stuffed animals was important to me to show some lightness as well as some depth. School is hard and yes, it's not always this cruel, but sometimes it is. Thank you for the review!

Dogluvertoo- Well I am glad you came across this story and I am glad you really like. Rachel is in for a very difficult ride and she is going to have to be a little stronger to get ready for the upcoming trial. Quinn is also going to have a really hard time with the trial. And although she did bury her birth mother the woman was never a great mother to her and she is finally learning what a mother should really be. I am sorry for making you cry. I like my chapters to be at about 18K words but sometimes either it is not a good stopping point or I just don't have planned out exactly where I want the next chapter to start. So thank you so much for taking the time to review.

Drea LuRuiz - The trial is going to be challenging for all. Sorry but Will is going to fight these charges every bit of the way. Thanks for the review.

Bookworm0485 - Thank you for reading this story from the beginning. It's a lot! It means a lot! So so so so much. Thank you for the review. It meant a lot that you're giving me so much credit.

Cookie07 - All of their relationships have been hard and grueling. Santana and Shelby's relationship is very tight. I have tried to show that since chapter 1. THey've been through a lot. All these characters have grown a lot. It's very stunning. I'm writing a few scenes now for the sequel and seeing the growth after six years amidst all of them is shocking. Thanks for the awesome review!

Fangirl44 - I am assuming you mean the jackasses in school. At least that is what I hope you mean.

Thanks for the review**. **

MrsArgon01 - Thank you so much. Quinn is trying really hard to be Rachel's big sister. You are correct Santana has grown but she does have a long way. Thanks for the review.

krbutler - Quinn also has come a long way but she has so much further to go. Thanks for reviewing.

Piper - Shelby will take care of herself. She knows she needs to and she will if she doesn't Helen or Joey will kick her back into place. Will had Suzie's help but did he have more? We shall see. Thanks for the review.

Kimberlli - Yeah Felix is not a very nice kid. No George was safe and now he is a little cleaner. Puck and Mike are planning this road trip – the question remains will they reach him or not? Thanks for the review.

thelastcenturian - Wow – perfection? Thank you so much. I hope you like this chapter! I was writing in the middle of your update of Chapter 8. I paused and read it. I love love loved it. I'm going to reread it again and review. Thank you!

Stace - I'll try not to be so hard on myself but it's just so hard. A safe school is next on the list. Mike and Noah are great. There's a little scene here of them. Thank you for the kind words!

FlatWeasley - The all suffer from post traumatic stress so it will be up and down but they will heal – just not all at the same rate. Thanks for the review.

look4me - Rachel is VERY much stuck in her younger ways. They're a security blanket. I'm glad you like the interactions. I'm glad you like Shelby and Quinn. I really love them too. I'm happy you loved the flashback. It was an amazing suggestion! Thank you so much for your consistent reviews!

val-cb - Thank you so much!

Renata - Thank you, but I don't think my writing is flawless. I think you will find the Rachel scenes very interesting in this chapter. Social interactions with her are certainly a struggle and that's something I won't ignore. Rachel childhood is very important to me. Her struggles will continue. Thank you for your constant reviews!

GracieSunset - Its ok you haven't reviewed. Never apologize – I am just glad you did this chapter. I am humbled by your words regarding my story. I am really happy that you like the story so much. I try to keep the chapters at about 18K words but sometimes based on where I need to end it I cut it a little short. Again thank you so much for your kind review. I am always inspired to write more and better when I get beautiful reviews such as yours.

marinka4 - Sue is awesome in this story and she will be a true asset when the kids are in school when Shelby can't be with them. I try as I might to get some comic relief in this angsty story so I hope you enjoy. Thanks for the review.

Ryoko05 - It certainly is just the beginning. I love writing Quinn and Santana. They're relationship is so strong now. Thank you so much for the review.

littleredwritinggleek - The girls have certainly been through a lot. It is so hard. Will certainly won't go without a fight. In response to your Quinn question, my plan is yes. Thank you for the review.

NinjaGleek21 - I hope I didn't disappoint you with this chapter. I am glad that you enjoyed the last one. As always thank you for the review and the cookies.

Abbie - Yeah Rachel and Quinn losing George and the lamb caused their hearts some distress but they did need to be washed so …. Its not silly and in their circumstance – this are an extension of them. Thanks for reviewing.

cbell123 - Roadtrip is on the agenda and Noah is going to do his best not to get in anymore fights – but the kids will really challenge it. Thanks for the review.

OTHangels - Thank you !

alopez208 - Thank you so much. The Shelby / Santana scene was one of my favorites as well. Noah is going to NY or at least attempting to – will he make it the whole way – we shall see! Thanks for enjoying it and thank you for reviewing.

TommyH - Once again thank you as always!

dolphinluver46 - Not sure how long Will will go away for because it even though we see it as crystal clear – they have to convince a jury. So we shall see. Quinn has truly embraced Shelby as her mom but she won't be an angel for her new mom either. Thank you for reviewing,

NayaFan - Fantastic chapter! Thank you for your review. It means a lot. The relationships are so interwoven and are so easy to write now that I know the characters so well. The night terrors were hard to write but I knew that it was a direction that I had to take. Thank you again for your constant reviews!

Lexie-Rae - Don't apologize for a late review. There's no such thing. I appreciate that you take the time. I love Quinn and Noah too. THey just fit as siblings and dianna and mark make them easy to write. Santana's character is so interesting to write. She has such a heavy weight on her shoulder. The flashback was a marvelous suggestion and I really loved it. Frannie certainly hasn't made her last appearance. I love Quinn and SHelby too as well as Quinn and Santana. School has certainly taken a harsh turn. Thank you for the review as always.

**Alright everyone, Chapter 49. Whoa! Thank you for continuing to take this journey with me. It means so much! It still stuns me to this day that all of you read this and follow this and more than one of you has told me this story is crack. I don't know if that's a good metaphor or not, but I'll take it. **

**Chapter 49**

Santana glanced over at Quinn carefully, neither of them were sure why they were there, but they both were grateful to be away from where they were previously.

"Well, ladies," Sue said as she reclined in her chair. "We have a few problems, don't we?"

The girls exchanged another look.

Sue went on. "I don't want trouble this year. My patience is like Easter eggs. They're only good for a limited time." She sobered her face and softened her voice. "Are you alright?" They each gave a small nod. "Good." She stood. "Wait here."

The blonde coach stood up and walked out the door, leaving the girls in silence.

After a few minutes of complete silence, Santana finally turned to her sister and asked, "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Quinn said with a slight frown. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Santana gave her a slight glare. "Don't be snippy. You can be snippy with anyone but me."

"But you?" Quinn asked with a mocking tone. "Good to know that you're exempt."

Santana faced Sue's desk again. She sighed dejectedly. "Everyone knows," she whispered.

"What?" Quinn asked looking up.

"I mean I knew," she said quietly. She sighed, "But... they're using it against us. They're..."

"I know," Quinn muttered taking her hand. "I was in here when we heard you in the gym." She met her eyes quietly. "You okay?"

Santana frowned suddenly feeling vulnerable. "I'm fine," she said pulling her hand back. "I'm fine."

"Liar," she whispered.

Santana just looked at her for a moment before looking away. "What happened with you?"

"Someone just made a dick comment about... about Russell," Quinn said casually, but weakly. "It's fine. Sue heard it though, so I'm sure we're going to have an inspirational speech about not taking crap from low lives or something." She rolled her eyes and gave a slight smile.

They both knew that bigger things had happened. They both knew that their lives were so different than how they were before that they couldn't come back from it. They couldn't even picture how life used to be. It was too far from their reality now. So instead all they could do was roll their eyes and smile, pretending it was something.

"Well, tweetle tits and baboon barbie, where were we?" Sue said as she reentered. She sighed and leaned back in her chair. She looked at Quinn, "We need to get you a uniform."

"I really don't-" Quinn started.

"Let me finish," Sue said unusually, gently. "You girls have every reason not to want to continue with Cheerios. You have every reason to walk out and want to become miscellaneous cattle or whatever the rest of the non-athletes are. However, you are great leaders. Yes, you will have to rework for your leadership, but you are the best that we have. The best leaders don't have things come easy to them. They have everyone consistently trying to overthrow them. So expect this ladies." She sighed. "Think of all the great leaders: Stalin, Idi Amin, Kim Jong Il, Hitler, the Romanovs-"

"Coach, I don't think those are good examples," Quinn said carefully and seriously.

"At all," Santana said with a deep set frown as she mouthed the leaders that Sue just repeated and shook her head.

Quinn frowned. "But seriously."

Sue rolled her eyes. "History is made by the people that write it."

Santana scrunched her nose. "There's not really a way to excuse mass murder." She caught Sue's eyes. "Another argument for another day."

"Either way, I need you girls on this team to lead them," she nodded.

A moment of silence settled on them. Quinn realized she was finished with her inspirational speech that somehow included praising terrifying, violent and cruel world dictators.

"To lead you need to own being a Cheerio. Meaning, we need to get you a uniform, Quinn," she sighed.

"I really don't think-" the blonde started again.

"Cheerios isn't the answer for everything," Sue said carefully. "But it'll offer you something. It doesn't solve everything, but it solves boredom and gives you a distraction. You're good at this. Don't give up …"

"It's not about giving up," Quinn thought quietly to herself.

"I think deep down you know that it is," she said in an un-Sue like way. "And I'm not letting that happen." She paused. "To either of you."

Santana sighed. Her mind was too full to think about herself. She glanced at Quinn. "I'll support you whatever you decide," she said quietly.

"But she'll support you most if you choose Cheerios," Sue said quickly. Santana shot her a look. "Turn your dagger eyes off, lady."

Santana rolled her eyes. "You just called us in here for a pep talk?"

Sue arched her brow realizing that the girls didn't want to talk about what happened in the hallway. "Amongst other things." She sobered her face. "You both need to be upfront with me. If anyone gives you a hard time like I saw and heard just now, you need to tell me."

"We can take care of it," Santana said quickly.

"I know that," Sue nodded leaning back in her chair again. "But the school board tells me I'm not supposed to encourage and support public tarring and feathering ceremonies anymore. The class of '89 robbed me of that fun. Blame them."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "What's on the agenda?"

"We need to have try outs," The coach said plainly.

Santana frowned. "It's almost the end of football season. The list is set. Why the hell would we need to do that?"

Quinn shook her head and folded her arms, understanding what wasn't being told. "People quit."

Sue nodded. "No, I kicked them off."

"What? Who? Why?" Santana asked waving her hands.

"Because of me," Quinn said simply.

Santana let the comment sink in and she looked back at Sue for clarification. She leaned back as she soaked in Sue's look. "No," the brunette said. "Because of me."

Quinn opened her mouth to protest but Sue put her hand up.

"I don't ask for the Cheerios to like you," she scoffed. "I would prefer if they hated you but most of all I would like it if they feared you. It instills a better work ethic. If people are scared, more gets done."

"I hope you don't go to the boosters with that," Quinn frowned.

"I kicked them off because they not only disrespected you both, but me as well. I won't tolerate that shit. They don't exist to me anymore." She said shaking her head. "I don't even remember their names. Probably didn't have them."

"You don't use our names," Santana said.

"But, I know them," Sue said with a frown. "I have them on a Post It on my computer here," she said pointing to the Post-It on her computer labeled: Names Worth Remembering. "You should feel honored."

"Thank you?" Quinn frowned. She looked over at Santana who was staring at her hands. She knew she personally didn't want to do Cheerios, but Santana needed it, but she could also see that she felt torn with it too. "Tell us about try outs," Quinn said taking her sister's hand.

…..

Noah walked down the hallway with determination. Mike had told him what he had seen with Santana. His mother asked him not to fight, but he didn't know how he was going to walk away from this. He wasn't going to walk away; he couldn't. He didn't care about the hisses and the gossip of everyone talking about him being on the news. He didn't care about the whispers about him but when it involved the girls? He cared.

Travis exited the gym just as Noah rounded the corner.

"Hey!" Noah shouted. The hallway was empty save the other boy. The bell had rung but he didn't care. He didn't care that he might get in trouble. All he cared about was that this jackass assaulted his sister. He didn't deal with that well, not one bit.

"Go away. COCK-ran," Travis hissed with a grin.

Noah grabbed him fiercely from behind and slammed him against the locker. "If I see you touch my sisters ever again , I'll kill you."

Travis laughed and Noah gripped his collar. "Come on, man. Quinn is not your sister-"

Noah slammed him against the locker again, not hearing the clicking of heels that drew closer. "Don't speak. you know nothing!"

The boy scoffed. "You think you're the shit, but you're not." He leaned forward threateningly even though Noah still held his collar. "Me and San have done waaaay more than just touching," he taunted. "Plus, Quinn isn't your actual sister. Don't tell me you haven't fucked her deep."

Noah screamed in rage and lifted his fist.

"Noah!"

The boy froze with his fist mid air and turned sharply coming face to face with his mother.

"What is your name?" Shelby asked as a stunned Noah slowly backed away from Travis. The boy looked at Shelby with a frown. He had the balls to get in Noah's face but a hot mom in high heels? He was at a loss for words. "I want your full name because trust me little boy I am not through with you at all," she snapped at the silent teen.

"Travis Ashfield," he said with a frown and a quiet voice.

Shelby grabbed Noah's arm and said to the other boy, "You're dismissed." The boy turned and began to strut away. "One more thing," she called out as she released Noah and walked toward the other teenager, standing so that her face was inches from his forcing his back up against the lockers. "Stay away from my daughters. You think that this is a power game? You think that this is just you demonstrating how big and strong you are?" She shook her head, "This is much bigger than that. This is sexual harassment and is a criminal offense. It will no longer be tolerated. Be careful, little boy. Be very careful."

Travis frowned but eyed the woman and snuck a glance toward Noah. He remained silent.

"Don't look at him," Shelby interrupted him. "Trust me. He's the least of your worries, Travis Ashfield."

Travis nodded and slowly scooted away from the scary mother, slowly retreating down the hallway. Shelby sighed and looked at her son.

"What are you doing here?" He frowned. "You dropped us off like five minutes ago."

"More like an hour, but," she shook her head. "I know you're angry. I'm angry but—"

"But nothing," Noah said with a scowl. "I won't put up with the bullshit."

Shelby frowned. "I know, but you're lucky because neither will I. So please don't solve your problems with your fist."

Noah shook his head. "Let my mom solve them?" She frowned. "Yeah, right."

Shelby rolled her eyes. "We will talk about this more later. Let's go."

Noah frowned. "But really, what are you doing here?"

The two of them walked to the entrance of Sue's office.

"You got here fast," the coach said from her chair.

"This town isn't very big," Shelby stated looking at the girls, only to be met with confused looks. "What's going on?"

"Why are you here, Mom?" Santana asked with a frown.

"I'm here because I was called," Shelby said simply looking at Santana who just looked around with confusion. She looked over at Quinn who simply sat in her chair embarrassed. Shelby closed Sue's office door after ushering Noah all the way into the room. She looked at the cheerleading coach with a raised eyebrow.

Sue looked at the girls. "Do you want me to tell them?"

Santana and Noah looked at Sue with identical looks of confusion. "What?" Santana asked looking at Noah and her mom then back at Sue. Santana then looked over at Quinn, asking silently with her eyes what was going on. Quinn simply shook her head to silence the girl.

Sue sighed. "We seem to be having some issues here." Sue pointed to the chair. "Sit down." Shelby frowned and took a seat. Sue took a deep breath and explained both encounters between Quinn and Santana and the teenage boys. When she finished the room filled with a deafening silence.

"How did you..." Santana began. "How did you know all of that?"

The girl was shocked at the level of detail.

Sue shook her head. "I know and see all since always but now with even greater attention when it involved the three of you," she said lightly.

"I will not accept this," Shelby said with a sharp tone that made the three kids jump in surprise.

"Neither will I," Sue said. "I hear that Travis Ashfield was giving you a hard time." The family looked at her again with a frown. "I may have superpowers," Sue shrugged. Quinn arched her brow. "I may or may not have used the Cheerios confetti budget on surveillance cameras."

Shelby nodded. "I need to honestly think about it."

"I will be enforcing new rules," Sue said assuredly.

Noah frowned. "Um... but you're a cheerleading coach."

"I am Sue Sylvester," she said as if she were the president. She nodded. "And as of last week, I've been appointed as the vice principal."

"What?" Santana asked with a frown.

Sue shrugged. "Just happened. Be excited for my reign of terror." Shelby frowned. "An educational reign of terror," she clarified. She nodded. "I'll talk to Figgins. Tomorrow is a new day. Bring these three back tomorrow. We have some changes to make."

"Mom!" Santana protested.

"Mom! I can't miss practice," Noah whined.

"Mom," Sue mocked. "Don't get your jock strap in a twist."

Shelby frowned. "I saw Coach B in the hallway before running into you, Noah. She is looking forward to you being back at practice." She nodded her head, "You'll come back later this afternoon with Bear or someone but you'll come home first." Shelby looked a Sue and then looked back at the kids. "I don't want you guys here." She said honestly.

"Mom, we're fine," Santana said with a genuine softness.

"No," Shelby said dismissively as she looked at Quinn who was shaking her head with tears pooling, but carefully not falling from her eyes. "Let's get home."

"Mom," Noah said again.

Santana noticed Quinn's look of anxiety. The brunette herself was lost in what she was feeling, but she was comfortable with putting her feelings on hold; however, she could see that Quinn was overwhelmed and breaking down, and that was un-Quinn like. Santana glared at Noah and nodded as subtly as she could manage toward Quinn. Noah followed her look.

"Alright," he said. "Let's go."

Shelby stood. "Sue," she said with a nod.

Sue nodded. "Be ready for try-outs, like I told you," Sue said at the girls. "I need my duo together again."

Santana nodded and followed her mother, brother and sister out of her coach's office. She suddenly paused slightly remembering that she blew off Brittany before like a coward. She looked at her mother as she walked down the hallway. She should talk to Brittany. She should give her an explanation. She stopped walking completely causing her mother to turn and look at her questioningly. She should talk to her.

Her mother gave a thoughtful look. Before she could say anything, Shelby opened her mouth, "Santana, go get Brittany please." It was like she was reading the teen's mind. Shelby thought for a moment. "Noah and Quinn go with her please." She turned to Sue. "Do they need to be dismissed?"

"I'll call Brittany's homeroom teacher," the coach said picking up the phone.

Santana looked at her mother with trepidation. Shelby met her gaze. "You alright?"

Her eldest daughter nodded and turned to follow Quinn and Noah who were already walking quietly down the hallway. They arrived outside of the room just as Blake Owens exited the room. He gave Santana a look and Quinn a nod. He was in their year. Primarily he was a neutral cool kid, who somehow was not involved in anything but was always the in the know.

He looked at the girls with a nod. "Sucks," he said tilting his head. He nodded at Puck before turning his attention back to the girls. "Too bad you couldn't stay in the closet and you could have remained in hiding, Q."

He walked away subtly holding open the door as one boy made a cat call when he saw Santana standing at the doorway pointing at Brittany with a fist pump. "Are you gonna make a sex tape?!" The boy shouted.

The homeroom teacher scolded at him. Santana rolled her eyes before turning to her siblings. "Can you …." she started quietly looking at Noah and Quinn.

"I'll go," Quinn said snapping out of her stupor just as Santana seemed to slowly sink into it.

"Quinnie! Saw the evening news! First Daddy! Now Will!" The teacher scolded the student, but clearly didn't have much effect when another student yelled as Quinn finished telling Santana she wanted to leave. "Mr. Jennings, you up for the task?"

After a few crude comments and corresponding scolds from the homeroom teacher, Brittany emerged. She looked toward Santana and reached to touch her shoulder but the smaller brunette pulled away.

"What's up?" she asked as she darted her eyes between Santana and Quinn and Noah who were now leaned on the wall a few yards away.

Santana nodded took a deep breath, slowly explaining what happened and that they were going home.

Brittany looked at Santana concerned but the Cheerio kept staring down at the floor instead at the person she just named her girlfriend recently. She didn't need to ask if she was okay, because it was clear that she wasn't. Noah and Quinn sensed the new tension and they walked back. Shelby met them with a tight and annoyed smile.

"Brittany, your mother will be meeting us at the house," she said simply. "Let's go."

Shelby ushered the kids out to the car.

Noah talked quietly to Quinn as they walked to the car. "If I'm not around," he paused as he pointed to the cast on Quinn's arm. "You're wearing a weapon. Smack someone with that."

Quinn rolled her eyes as they neared the car. Shelby pulled out her phone and pointed to the kids to get into the vehicle. As they started to climb into the Range Rover, Santana pulled Brittany's arm gently. Brittany stopped from climbing in and stood next to the car, waiting for Santana to say something. After a moment Santana was just shifting from one foot to the other.

Brittany gave a sigh and shook her head, "We can talk later," she said quickly.

Santana grabbed her arm again. "I'm sorry," she said finally. "I don't..." She finally let her eyes meet hers. "I know this isn't fair to you and I'm being a jerk and I'm sorry."

Brittany sighed and looked at her. "I know that this isn't easy, because it's not for me either, San. And I just..." She looked at the ground, knowing that the car was watching them subtly. She met the girl's eyes again. "Sometimes I think you forget that."

"I know... and...that's not fair for you," she muttered looking at her hands. "I'm sorry." She looked up at her and took her hand with care, but hesitantly. "I … My feelings haven't changed, Britt. I just... I don't know how to … I don't know how to feel them in public. That may make me a jerk but it's not that I'm not proud to be with you, it's just that I'm scared."

"So am I," Brittany said carefully. She gave a sigh. "I … It's really lonely what we're going through and I just... I would like to do it with you if you give me a chance."

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Me too," Brittany said pulling her into a hug. Santana was stiff but sunk into it.

Shelby finally ushered them into the car. She hung up her phone. "Rach is still working with Holly. You will join them. You may be out of school but that does not mean you get the day off." She sighed and looked at the four of them. "We will figure this out, guys. It's a big process but we will get through it."

…...

The eleven year old stared at her work then out the window. Her mother should have come home by now. Where was she? What was she doing?

"Where did they go again?" Rachel asked as she went into the kitchen for her fourth glass of water. She seemed to always have a thirst for water when she was stressed.

"They're out running errands," Helen said.

Holly entered the room heavily. Rachel had been antsy for the past hour. This was the fourth trip to the kitchen and Holly had lost count of how many times Helen had interrupted.

The older woman pointed at the arts and crafts supplies she brought. "Once you're finished with Holly, we can work on a craft."

"That won't be for awhile though," Holly said from behind Rachel. "Rachel, let's stay focused please."

Helen frowned but Rachel gave a nod and followed Holly. However, her concentration was again only temporary. Rachel looked at her work with a frown from where she and Holly sat at the breakfast nook. She was so distracted and it showed apparently, because finally Holly pointed it out.

"Rachel, where are you?" Holly asked but she received no response. "What are the things that used to relax you? Help you escape?"

Before Rachel could answer, Helen called out.

"Rachel, please focus," Helen called from the kitchen area. Holly looked at her and then back at Rachel.

"If she doesn't want to talk, that's fine," Holly said, tapping on the table getting her attention, but getting no response. "Rachel, you need focus on your work here please."

"Rachel," Helen said entering the room as she dried her hands off on a hand towel from the dishes. "Bug, you need to listen. What are you doing?" Helen leaned over her youngest granddaughter. "Sweetheart, this looks great and I think you're doing great." Rachel looked up but not at either one of them.

"Can I talk to you?" Holly said abruptly as she stood up.

It wasn't really a question and Helen could see that. Rachel looked up at the sound of Holly's chair moving back.

"Where are you going?" she asked quietly.

"To the kitchen," Holly said. "We are going to chat. I want that problem finished when I get back please."

Rachel frowned but nodded as the women disappeared into the kitchen.

Helen turned so that she could see Rachel. Holly wondered if she was afraid that Rachel was going to disappear in a puff of smoke.

"I see that you care about Rachel," Holly said. "All of them actually."

Helen nodded. "Yes, of course, I-"

"And you need to back off," Holly interrupted. Helen looked at her flustered and the tall blonde went on. "Seriously. This is supposed to be a school learning environment. I'm aware of her history and what's going on. She has the right to be distracted but you're giving her greater opportunities to be distracted. You need to let me do my job and conduct this environment."

Helen huffed. "You may know us on paper but you don't know-"

"You're right," Holly said putting her hands up. "But I'm trying to figure out who Rachel is now. Not the five year old Rachel you see six years later."

Helen frowned but soaked in her words. "She was two, but... I just..." She trailed off as she looked around the corner. "It's too hard."

"It's hard, but it's not too hard," Holly said. "You see her as your granddaughter. You love her. She is my student. I need to establish healthy boundaries for her again and having you coddle her through the process is not helping her."

Helen frowned but let the words soak in for a moment. She was rarely a patient woman, but as much as she hated it the words made sense. She sighed. "Rachel is just very-"

Holly put her hand out. "Rachel is a lot of things, but of all the things she is she doesn't need you to explain her."

Helen gave a frown but didn't argue. Holly took that as her queue to return to her student who once again stopped working and was looking out the front window.

"Rachel?" she called leaning toward the girl. She received no reply. She tapped her hand on the table making noise so not to scare her, calling her name again. No response again. Holly then leaned closer towards the young girl causing Rachel to jump so high that her chair shifted.

"Sorry," the young girl quickly responded.

Holly took a deep breath and looked at the girl. "I'm not going to hurt you," she said softly. "Emotionally or physically. I promise."

"I know, I'm sorry," she whispered, looking at her work.

"Don't be sorry," Holly said gently. "Trust is earned."

Rachel looked up and gave a slight nod,"Yeah."

"Can I ask you something?" Holly asked.

"I feel like you're going to anyway... Even though you just did."

Holly smiled. "Do you have an idea of what you want?"

Rachel's eyes darted. "I'm eleven," she said simply. "I haven't even gone through puberty."

The blonde woman smiled. "But don't you have something you look forward to? Things that you want?"

The eleven year old looked at her with a frown. "I can't wait to be a grown up," she said quietly. "and kinda... be put together." She looked at her hands. "You know?"

Holly frowned and looked at the girl, unsure if she should tell her that being put together is overrated. However, lessons weren't taught as much as they were learned. It was a fine line.

"I do," Holly said. "You're very observant. Don't lose that."

Rachel nodded. "I won't." She chewed her lip. "You asked me before what helps me escape."

Holly nodded. "Yeah," she said with a nod as she looked up from the papers so was correcting. "I asked because I know that you're a hard worker, but I want you to do something for you. Something that doesn't feel like work."

She looked up at her with serious eyes. "I like school work. I'm good at it."

"You are," she said with a nod. "There is no doubt about that, but do you like it because you're good at it?" She looked at Rachel but the girl was looking at her work. "And because you weren't as good at other things at school?" Rachel remained silent. "I know that that may sound harsh, but -"

"No, I …" She interrupted and looked up at Holly. "I... um... That's why I liked him … well, why I used to."

Holly nodded, realizing they were changing the topic to something that was rarely spoken about. Nevertheless, Holly continued to struggle to connect the dots on what the girl was trying to say. "You liked Mr. Schuester because he was harsh?" Rachel continued to have her head bowed. Holly sifted through her experience and knowledge as she tried to decipher what was indirectly being said. It dawned on her. "You were drawn to him because he was honest with you." She paused, "Or you thought he was, at least." Rachel nodded still looking down. "Well, I will be honest with you, Rachel," Holly said with greater fortitude in her voice. The girl looked up at her. "You're a smart girl and I know I can't understand what's going on in your head, but I'm here if you need to talk." Rachel nodded. Holly continued causing the girl to look up. "But I want you to be a kid and be a person that you used to be. I didn't know you then but I can tell that the person you are now is different."

She looked up at her. "What?" she frowned and looked at her hands and continued. "Really? …. Do you … Different how?"

Holly shifted her weight in her chair and rested her chin on her fist. She looked down at her with a small smile. "I can tell that you have a spark, Rachel," she said. "One that you don't know how to show anymore." Holly paused as Rachel's head bowed lower. The older woman leaned her head down. "That's okay, Rachel. It's okay to figure it out and it's okay if you're not the same person you were before." Rachel looked up at her in surprise.

"Can I tell you something silly?" Rachel asked with an innocent shrug.

Holly nodded. "Absolutely. I'm all ears."

"That's a silly phrase." Holly frowned. Rachel pointed to her ears. "You … um... you only have two ears. You know. All ears... It might imply more than … you know two..." She shook her head as Holly didn't try to mask her absence of interest. "Anyway..." She chewed her lip. "When... when I was little... well,... last year... maybe even earlier this year... You might laugh but... Every time I signed my name I would put a gold star after it. It was a metaphor." She looked at Holly. "Metaphors are important. My gold stars are a metaphor for me being a star."

Holly looked at her. "I think you're still a star, Rachel," she said simply. She leaned her chin on her fist again and looked at the girl softly. "But I don't think you need a sticker to remind people of that." Rachel looked at her with a frown. "However," Holly continued reaching for her bag and rummaging through it. She pulled out a sheet of star stickers. "Just in case."

Rachel smiled. "I trust you," she said quietly as she looked at the stickers. "I didn't mean to jump earlier."

"I know you do," Holly smiled. "You don't have to search for the good in people or force trust. Your gut can be wrong. I know that you're working on trusting people in a more balanced way..."

Rachel gave a nod. "Yeah...I want to stay inside not because I'm afraid people will hurt me, but... because I'm afraid of hurting myself, allowing it again. Does that make sense?"

Holly paused and thought for a moment. "Yeah, it does." She frowned. "Rachel, what happened wasn't your fault."

"I knew," she whispered.

Holly looked up and saw Helen lingering in the doorway. "Knew what?" Holly asked.

"I knew something was wrong," Rachel muttered. "I … just ... I didn't want it to be."

"Not everyone will hurt you, Rachel," Holly said gently. "But sometime not everyone will have the best intentions. That won't make them bad necessarily as much as bad for you. Okay?"

"Okay," she muttered. She looked up suddenly when she heard a car pull into the driveway. "Mom's home!" she said with a smile. as she hopped off of the stool.

"You still have plenty of work to do, Rach," Holly said as the tiny girl ran toward the door and paused when she saw her siblings climb out. She looked at her grandmother in surprise but then ran outside. Holly turned to Helen. "I owe you twenty bucks. They didn't make it through the day."

Helen shrugged. "I know my kids."

They lingered and watched them pile back into the house.

….

Michael folded his arms and surveyed the station. He gave a deep breath and spotted Bear exiting his office.

"Michael, you need to go home," Bear said as he tucked a folder under his arm. "Seriously. You can't be here. I'm barely apart of the investigation. You certainly can't be."

"Bear, tell me what's going on," Michael said looking at the interview room.

"Seriously," Bear said. "I can't tell you. It's not something we can discuss." He leaned forward. "Especially not here." The man looked around with a deep frown.

"Don't worry I told them I was bringing you coffee," he said holding out the travel mug.

"It's cold," Bear frowned. "Go home. I'll talk to you later."

Michael sighed and headed toward the door. The doors shot open.

"I won't talk to you!" Suzy said as she came through the doors.

"Why is she cuffed?" a woman with frizzy hair asked running behind them. "She's not a criminal! My daughter is a victim!"

"I'm not a victim, you dumb cow!" Suzy hissed at the woman as she continued through the station. "Will loves me! He loves me! I had to give him the singing dwarf hobbit because he said he had needs.-"

"Suzy, stop talking!" a man,, presumably her lawyer, said as they headed toward an interview room.

"No! He loves me! I'm not a victim. He loves me!"

Michael frowned and watched the girl disappear into the room. He looked at Bear and walked over to the captain with purpose.

"Do you have a psychologist listening on her interview?" he asked the captain urgently.

"This isn't my first rodeo, Michael," Captain said with a frown. "Go home."

"You have to have them in there," Michael urged.

"She's not going to talk," said the rookie standing next to the captain.

"Not on purpose," Michael said narrowing his eyes and looking back at the captain.

The man nodded and thought for a moment. "Go home," he said again.

Michael looked toward the room as Gus walked up to them.

"We're going to get more names," Gus said confidently. "Suzy might not talk but they might."

Bear sighed and looked over at his father-in-law. "I'm heading out soon to pick up Noah for practice anyway. Satisfied?" he asked pointing toward the room.

Michael frowned as he watched after the girl. "Not in the least."

….

Later that afternoon after a long study session, Noah finally made it to practice. He was grateful for an escape but after countless drills, he was slightly tired than he was when he had first arrived. Beiste blew the whistle indicating the end of practice. Noah had received looks and a few hard hits, but nothing more. There were few people that wanted to mess with him. A few clearly wanted to ask questions but they didn't. He was able to conduct practice, still outrun most of the defense, and even put a couple of hard punishing hits on some of the linebackers himself. If some of the kids still wanted to mess with him by the end of practice, they knew that he could still very much hold his own and he was still king of this field and this school. No matter what no one could mess with Noah Corcoran and get away with it.

Noah drew off his helmet and walked over to the car with Mike.

"Thanks for giving me a ride, man," he said with a sigh. "If you could, can you drive super slow?" Mike looked at him with a frown. He shook his head. "When I left my mom was calling all of the people that were giving the girls a hard time. She going to be in a snippy mood."

Mike shook his head. "You should get used to it, man," he said as he threw his duffle in the backseat. "She's going to be in an even worse mood when she finds out our sleepover includes a drive to New York."

Noah sighed. "Don't remind me." He sighed. "I guess I should tell you what we're doing."

Mike laughed as they climbed into the car. "That would be nice."

Noah frowned. "We're going to have to take the long way back to my house."

"Won't your warden get suspicious?" Mike asked.

"You're right," Noah said. "Maybe if we just sit in the driveway." Mike looked at him with a frown. "She thinks we need social time."

Mike laughed and started the engine. "Alright, I'm ready."

"Alright," Noah said with a heavy sigh. "My stepfather really messed some shit up."

"Your mom's husband?" Mike asked as they turned toward Noah's neighborhood.

"No, my dad's. He was gay," he said with trepidation wondering what his best friend would think.

"My dad is the head of the department of gender studies," Mike said with a shrug. "I know that being gay doesn't mean not being human. Sex is sex. I don't want to know how my sisters get it on or feel all their lovey dovey stuff. Why would I want to know or care about how strangers love? Cheers to love and shit. I still can't tell the difference between my feelings." Mike shrugged. "There's no shame in owning up to who you are." He laughed. "Plus I'm friends with you... soo..." He grinned.

"Forgot you and your family were all liberal and crap," Noah smiled.

"And crap," Mike said rolling his eyes.

Noah frowned. "We're going to see my step-dad. He uh..." Noah swallowed a lump in his throat. "He really messed things up." He could feel his friends eyes on him. "I uh... the girls were abused by him." His voice was small. "Rachel and San were in the hospital." Noah shook his head. "It was a mess."

Mike nodded, knowing there wasn't much to say. "That sucks, man."

Noah scoffed. "You have no idea." He straightened. "Anyway, I got a letter from him in the mail when I had my birthday." He shook his head. "I just... no one knows what he did to us..." He looked at Mike and looked away. "Well they do, but not really... You know? And..." He sighed. "I don't know what I'm going to say to him." He chuckled. "I just know that I don't want San or Rach opening the mailbox on their eighteenth birthday thinking that they're getting a birthday card and have it be a letter from that bastard."

Mike nodded. "Okay," he said. "My dad is staying at Oberlin for the weekend for a conference and my mom is visiting with my aunt in Cleveland. I double checked with my sister, Jen and she'll cover for us if we pay her $50."

"God, her price went up," Noah sighed.

"Inflation," Mike said with a roll of his eyes.

Noah nodded. "Alright, so we're on for the weekend?" Mike nodded. "I'll get out of being grounded."

"Good luck," Mike smiled.

Noah sighed and headed into the house. "I'll need it. But I'm Puckzilla. I'll make it happen."

…..

Santana stood at her locker the next day chewing the inside of her lip. Her mother had mentioned this at dinner last night. Santana just wanted to scream at the adults that this wasn't going to help. Not one bit.

Every time she looked over her shoulder she saw someone whispering and then she would hear Sue barking an order at someone. She sighed. It was now or never. She gave Brittany a brief smile as she and Quinn walked up to her locker.

"You ready?" Quinn asked with a groan.

"No," Santana muttered. "But we don't have a choice."

They sighed and began to walk into the gym.

"Hey!"

Santana tensed.

"What's wrong?"

She turned and saw Sophia, Lys, Dani, Kelly and Maribel gather around them.

"We missed you yesterday," Sophia said with a smile. "And you know the last few weeks."

Dani nodded. "You've missed a lot here."

Sophia elbowed her in the side.

Kelly laughed. "Yeah, if you think your lives suck," she rolled her eyes. The girl trailed off when Santana didn't respond.

Santana frowned and looked at them. Isn't this what she wanted? The spotlight off of them. She gave a tiny grin. "Yeah," she said with a small smile. "Yeah."

The girls walked into the assembly. The entire school slowly simmered as they past.

"Carry on!" Sophia scolded everyone.

People weren't yelling. Perhaps they weren't talking about things because there was five officers including the chief of the police waiting at the bottom of the bleachers. There were so many people but they were practically all stunned. They were all waiting for something. An impromptu assembly was always fun for everyone.

Santana smiled quietly at her uncle and climbed to sit next to Quinn who seemed to be spacing out. She looked over at the blonde who was pulling subtly at her uniform.

"You look fine," she whispered.

Quinn frowned and nodded. She had been stuck in her head for a little while and Santana knew that, but she wasn't going to push her.

"I'm fine," Quinn said with a shrug. "Stop looking at me like that."

Santana nodded.

"Attention, students," Figgins said as he tapped on the microphone.. "Attention. Listen." He paused. "Students, we have important things to say. Get ready."

The student body quieted. There were a few moments of awkward silence. "For what?" Someone finally asked.

"Ladies and gentlemen, you have a new vice principal effective immediately," he said slowly. There was a low murmur as he turned behind him and lifted his arms up in a grand gesture. "Coach Sue Sylvester!" There was a loud rumble of murmurs as the small Indian man began a slow clap. No one seemed to join. "Our new vice principal has a few announcements."

Santana watched as Sue strode up to the microphone and the entire gym went silent.

"There's a new sheriff in town, kids," she announced. "Starting tomorrow there is a zero tolerance bullying policy. I hear about it, I see it, and you're gone. No one escapes my wrath." She pointed at the students. "Jocks, Cheerios, losers and all. It stops now. To make sure we're on the same page, I view bullying as the following: physical or sexual harassment, verbal or otherwise. Furthermore, there will no longer be fighting, name calling of any kind or slushie wars." The students frowned at the sharp turn of events. "I'm serious about this, folks. I know all of you are going to want to test me on this new era here at McKinley." Sue leaned further into the microphone. "I look forward to it. I will take it as a challenge."

The student body paused. Was she serious? Santana looked over at Quinn, who was clearly thinking the same thing. Santana looked over at Brittany.

"Now, to what you're all REALLY here about," Sue said folding her arms. "These officers as well as those people in the ugly pants suits are here to talk to any of you about a Mr. Will Schuester." Another eery silence rested on the student body. "Unless you've been living under a rock, though I know a few of you out there that do, no judgement, you know that that poodle-haired man is in trouble." She paused and pointed her finger. "See that right there? That, my little minions was an example of verbal abuse. Just trying to demonstrate." She sighed and looked at the student body seriously. "If there is anyone who wishes to come forward and speak to these people in confidence, the faculty and staff are here for you."

Santana looked around the room. She had never seen the student body this quiet.

Sue went on. "Our noble and respected police department," she paused and Bear gave her an unimpressed glance, but she continued. "Have reason to believe that there might have been multiple victims." Sue slowly surveyed the crowd. "If this is the case then we all here want you to know that you are not alone."

Santana gazed around the room ready for a snicker or a comment, but paused at what she did see. Gwen Meyer from her fourth period English class, a spunky and witty girl had her head hanging low. A short girl that Santana used to associate with a cartoon character on the bottom bleecher was crying. Why was she crying? Another girl on the bleachers across the court had her arms folded and her face contorted in such an angry glare, but Santana could see through the hostility because it was so familiar to her own. It was only there to cover up the heartbreak. Santana continued to glance around the room until she stopped at Dani, sitting in front of her with her head bowed too. For the first time, Santana saw something different in the older girl. She felt as if she was looking at Rachel.

The importance of all these reactions and what it meant hit her deep in the gut. Why was it that in circumstances like this that everything became clearer? She didn't feel like she was seeing things better as much as she felt the pang of guilt from how blind she had been.

Santana turned and looked over at Quinn, who had been previously surveying the room, but now her focus was on Dani. Quinn looked up and back at Santana. The girls exchanged a look. Suddenly everyone began to move around them. They were dismissed. Quinn stood up quickly as Santana watched on quietly.

"Dani," Quinn said chasing after her friend down the bleacher's steps.

The normally confident and smart witted Cheerio waved at her friends. "I can't," she whispered waving them off. "I'm late for class." She avoided their eyes as she shoved her hands into her letterman jacket pockets. "Talk to you later."

Santana watched as Quinn deflated slightly. She looked at her with pause. Her sister sat next to her with a frown.

"Do you want to talk?" Kelly asked as she sat next to her, smoothing out her Cheerio's skirt.

Santana scoffed. "Do we look like we want to talk?"

Kelly nodded. "Yeah," she sighed with a shrug. "I don't know what to say."

"Yeah," Santana said looking Brittany with a weak smile. "Me neither."

"I..." Quinn stuttered. "I uh..." She looked at the doors and watched Dani disappear amongst the crowd "I missed so much."

Santana stared down at her hands. "We all did."

"Girls? Are you ready to talk to Ronald McDonald here?" Sue asked pointing to the woman in the pants suit. "Sorry," she muttered as she closed her eyes and shook her head. A small smile danced across her lips, "Bad habits die hard."

"No," Brittany said looking at her. "We're fine." She took Santana's hand.

"We don't need to talk," Quinn nodded.

"Well, then go learn cr-something," Sue ordered with a shrug.

Brittany followed Quinn as she walked with Santana to class. The shorter blonde was staring at the floor, clearly full of concerns and thoughts. Brittany was about to ask but she spoke too late.

"See you later," Quinn muttered stopping outside a classroom.

Santana opened her mouth to say something but the shorter blonde skidded away. Brittany and Santana continued down the hallway.

"I don't think I should wear this," she said motioning to her uniform. "I don't feel like a Cheerio anymore..."

Brittany took her hand. "I think you just don't feel like you anymore."

Santana smirked. "Ain't that the truth." She shook her head. "I don't know how to be us."

"I know you don't," she replied. "I don't really know either."

Santana sighed. "You're important to me. So important. You give so much to me and I don't know what I need to give to you. The trial and this and now Dani and Noah's stupid trip and Cheerios and the school hating me, us and -"

"San," Brittany said carefully. "All you have to do is be you. You don't need to give me anything."

Santana sighed. "I do... I … um... last night everyone was sleeping and I... I … I was thinking about you," She looked at her hands and avoided her eyes. "I um... I …. " She pulled her backpack up front, but then put it back on her back. "Nevermind."

"Come on," Brittany smiled. "It's just me." She took her hands. "It's just me."

She shook her head. "I … I want to tell you what happened but … I can't... And... I know you," she said finally looking at Brittany. "And I know you won't say it out loud but you're scared to hear it too... so... um..." She chewed her lip and brought her backpack forward again and unzipped it pulling out a notebook. "I … um... For English Lit we're doing short stories... I … um wrote this one last night..." She handed it to Brittany. "I don't really want to talk about it and you don't have to read it now but..." She watched as Brittany skimmed the pages. "It's about some girl …. she's sixteen and she used to think she was the shit, or at least good at pretending she was." Santana searched Brittany's eyes. "And then her blonde enemy moved into the guest bedroom and started sharing a bathroom with her and …. and then she realized she was in love with her best friend..." Santana bit her lip. "It explains a lot of the things I don't know how to say," she muttered looking at the ground. "You don't have to read it," she said quietly but she paused and looked up at Brittany as the taller blonde just looked at her with a gentle gaze. "It's just all I have to give."

Brittany pulled her into a hug. "I'll keep it in my binder and read it tonight-"

"If you want to," Santana interrupted.

The blonde smiled folding it carefully. "Actually," she said leaning forward. "It feels like a war zone here so I'll keep you close to my heart." Santana frowned but watched her girlfriend put her story down the front of her Cheerios uniform.

She shook her head and laughed as she wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist. "You're ridiculous."

Brittany rested her chin on the top of the girl's head. "You didn't have to do this you know?"

"I know," she muttered. "It … just … It just happened." She rested her head on the girl's chest. "For just a moment," she whispered. "The girl I was writing about wasn't me."

Brittany hugged her back. "I'm sure I'll love reading about her as much as I love hugging her."

"You're so cheesy," Santana smiled.

"You love it."

….

After five minutes into class, Quinn raised her hand and asked to use the restroom. The teacher was known not to remember who went and who came back so she knew she could hide in there for the rest of the time. She pulled at her Cheerios uniform and walked into the far bathroom. She just needed to breathe. She needed to wrap her head around this.

She sighed thankful that no one was ever in this bathroom. She leaned against the door as it closed. She squeezed her eyes shut and took a breath.

"You look like you could use a cig," a voice said.

Quinn put her right hand on her chest with a scream. "Jesus Mary and Joseph!" she screamed.

The girl who sat on the tall window sill laughed. "Chill out," she smiled offering her a cigarette.

"I don't smoke," Quinn said with a frown. "Thanks … though..." She said slowly.

"Seriously," the girl said still holding it out to her. "You look like you could use it."

"I'm fine," she said with a frown. The girl continued to hold out the cigarette. Finally Quinn caved and took it along with a light from the girl who seemed to be examining her closely with her eyes.

"I've never been this close to you before," the girl said with an arch of her eyebrow.

Quinn scoffed and took a drag of the cigarette with ease, thanking her close viewing of movies from the fifties. "Don't get used to it," she sneered. "Aren't you like a part of the only gang in Lima?"

The girl laughed and took another drag. "I used to hang out with the girls under the bleechers."

"The skanks?" Quinn asked with a frown as she took another drag.

"Yeah," She laughed. "But we parted ways. I'm Dylan by the way." She held her hand up. "Don't bother introducing yourself I know who you are."

"You don't know jack," she hissed.

Dylan nodded taking another drag. "You're right I don't."

"I didn't come in here to talk about feelings," she hissed.

"Good," Dylan said with a smile. "Neither did I." Silence settled on them for a few minutes, but Dylan spoke again. "Don't worry everyone will eventually stop looking." Quinn looked at her with a frown. "It's new to them. They get bored easily. Right now you are just hot off the press, and by hot I mean you are very hot." Quinn frowned more deeply. "I'm not hitting on you."

"Really?" Quinn asked. "It kinda felt like it..." She shook her head. "I said I'm not here to talk," she said with a frown. "But thanks."

"Whatever," Dylan said. She snuck a look over at the blonde. "Smoking is bad for you. Terrible habit." She smiled as she took another drag.

"Good to know," Quinn muttered as she took another drag herself. She felt the warm smoke fill her lungs. She closed her eyes and enjoyed this new sensation. It was calming and distracting all at the same time. The perfect combination.

…..

Later that night the family sat silently around the table. Santana frowned and stared at her food. . The chaos of the gym was still echoing in her head. The look on Dani's face and the fact that Brittany was reading her story, her actual story, all ate at her. She just... she simply wasn't there. She heard her mother talking quietly to Rachel about a playdate. She looked up from her plate.

"I don't really want to, Mom," Rachel said with a whine.

"Where are you going?" she asked Rachel.

"I'm not," Rachel said with a yawn. "Holly's niece is just coming over." She shrugged. "She says I need friends."

"That's not true," Santana said quickly. "You have plenty."

Rachel looked at her with a sharp glare. "Don't lie to me. I'm not dumb."

"I didn't... I didn't say you were," Santana said with a frown.

"Is that why we are having such an early dinner?" Noah asked.

"We always eat around this time," Quinn replied.

"We do?" Noah asked taking another bite. He shrugged his shoulders and looked at Shelby, "Ma, don't forget that you said I could sleep over at Mike's this weekend."

"Are his parents home?" Shelby asked as she cleaned up around them.

"His sister is. Jen, the one from college," he said with a shrug. "How else do we eat?"

Shelby nodded. "I'll check with them. No guarantees, Noah. And yes, Holly's niece is coming over to play with Rachel after dinner while Holly runs a few errands." She pointed at the older kids. "You all have plenty of homework still. Leave Rachel alone with her friend and get to it. You have missed a lot of school and I don't want you falling behind."

A gentle knock interrupted them. Shelby pointed to their food. "Finish please."

Shelby opened the back door. Holly entered the kitchen with a gentle smile. "Hey guys," she said. Behind her was a petite girl with low pigtails and a leopard print beret hat with leather riding boots and a matching... sort of matching... skirt and shirt combination.. She was loudly smacking her gum while she looked around the kitchen with a deep set frown.

"Thank you for doing this for me, Shelby," Holly said with a smile. "I shouldn't be more than an hour."

"Don't worry about it," Shelby nodded. "It's our pleasure."

"Rachel, this is Sugar. Sugar this is Rachel." The girls nodded quietly. Holly pointed to the older kids. "That's Noah, Santana, and Quinn, Rachel's siblings and her mother, Ms. Corcoran."

Sugar nodded. "I'm happy to meet rich people like you. I'm rich too. I have Aspergers. I WebMD-ed myself."

Rachel frowned. Holly smiled. "I will be back, Sugar. Please behave," Holly said waving. She paused at the door and looked at the gum chewing girl. "I'm serious."

The girl nodded and Holly left. "Yeah. Yeah." She turned to Rachel with purpose. "Entertain me," she demanded.

Rachel looked up at her family and then slowly back at the girl. "Um... I thought we would play in the living room. My friend Kurt and I used to -"

"That sounds tolerable," she said cutting her off. Rachel hugged George, who she brought downstairs earlier, to her chest a little more and led the taller girl into the living room. Seeing that Shelby was distracted, Quinn stealthily scraped her plate into the trashcan before she rinsed it. She then turned to watch as the girl followed Rachel out of the kitchen as if she were at a museum or zoo.

"How old are you? I don't play with kindergarteners," Sugar said as they walked into the living room.

Santana let out an audible growl. "Rinse your plate and then work, now," Shelby interrupted. She rolled her eyes, but complied.

Sugar walked into the living room with a frown. She was silent as she soaked in the pictures and the decor and then it began. No one was prepared for the firing of words that exploded from Sugar's mouth. She just kept going.

"While you could be considered pretty, I'm too distracted by your skirt and your animal prints that are all over your clothes. I have aspergers."

"Your sister looks like a constipated, angry chihuahua."

"Your brother's mohawk looks like a dead rat."

"Your other sister looks like Bad Mood Emo Barbie. I have one. Daddy knows the Barbie Company."

Rachel stared at Sugar with a frown as her mouth hung open in shock. She looked into the kitchen with unamusement. Shelby and Santana couldn't help but snicker.

Rachel frowned. "Just the company?" she mocked. "Not actual people."

"Do you have aspergers too or is this your personality?" Sugar asked as she shifted her weight.

Rachel huffed and retrieved her workbook. She wouldn't play with this girl. She had worst verbal vomit than her siblings. "My social exposure has been very low lately and apparently you're the only person available," she mumbled.

"I don't understand what you just said. I speak English." She paused then shrugged her shoulders, "Sorry, aspergers. I'm not racist."

Rachel snapped and looked at her sister. "What?" she mouthed silently.

"Speaking of," Sugar said with a tilt of her head. She raised her hand and pointed to Noah, Santana, Quinn and Shelby and then back at Rachel. "What are you all? Are you turkey basted?" Shelby frowned deeply as Quinn and Santana just gawked while Noah scratched his head in confusion. "Sorry, aspergers." Sugar paused and looked at Rachel and then at the women. Shelby tapped on the counter trying to encouraged the three to return to their work. "No, but really," Sugar said breaking the silence. "Yes or no?"

Rachel looked at her mother with a frown she wasn't really sure what the question meant.

"Sugar, we're not discussing that," Shelby said dismissively.

"So the answer is yes," Sugar said leaning closer to Rachel and whispering as loudly and unsubtly as possible. "There's no shame. It's just obvious since your family looks like a racial grab bag. Sorry, aspergers." She shrugged and looked around the house. "So was your dead father a part of the mob, because your family is clearly loaded... Like me."

Rachel looked back at her mother with a frown holding her monkey in her lap and her play teapot in slight defeat, alongside her workbook in front of her. Clearly, there won't be any tea. Sugar adjusted her doll.

"Gertrude," Sugar said pointing to her doll with big hair, "is a collector's item, but we're rich enough that I can play with collector's items. I don't need a cheap doll." Sugar frowned looking at Rachel's monkey. "Maybe you're not rich. You can't afford a stuffed monkey. Are you really the child they hide in the attic? Like the Little Princess? They bring you out for events and for show?"

Rachel looked at her mother and siblings in confusion. Santana opened her mouth, furious. Shelby put her hand on her eldest daughter's shoulder.

"Sugar, Rachel is my daughter. George has been with her through a lot. It's not always about the money," Shelby said kindly.

"Ohhhh," Sugar said with her head tilted high so that she had to look down at Rachel. She leaned forward and said with a loud whisper, "I'm not supposed to ask you about that stuff."

Rachel frowned. "What stuff?"

Sugar rolled her eyes. "The news has failed to cover the most _important _detail." The girl tossed her hair obviously as Rachel looked panicked at her family.

"Sugar," Shelby began.

"They fail to mention," the girl said as she stood. "That Rachel is the daughter of Broadway royalty." She shook her head at the shame and shrugged "Turkey baster or not." Sugar stroke over to the piano. "However, I'll be frank, Mrs. Corcoran, I'm better than you are." Sugar shrugged as if it were a fact of life that Shelby had simply missed. Shelby arched her brow as Noah and Santana looked like at the girl as if she had said something terribly offensive to every generation ever in the world.

"Better than me?" Shelby said lightly. She nodded. "I can see that. You look very talented."

"Talent is visual?" Quinn frowned with an eye roll.

"Yes," Shelby scoffed.

Sugar stood and held her doll in front of her. She cleared her throat. "Allow me to demonstrate." She cleared her throat again and opened her mouth but then closed it.

Rachel looked at her hopefully, but Sugar only set her doll, Gertrude, down with care. She patted Rachel on the head. "This is for you my miniature, shrimp, turkey," she said lightly as if she were handing out food to the poor. "Beautiful by Christina Aguilera," She announced as she stood up taller and cleared her throat one more time over dramatically.

"Evvverrrrrydaaaay issss sooooo wonnnnderrrrrrrrfullllllllll lllllllll," Sugar began with a screech.

Santana's hands went to her ears as Noah attempted to frown. Shelby gave a soft nodded and an uncontrolled grimace.

Sugar continued as she changed octaves. "Thennnnnn suddennnllllyyyyyyyy. It's harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd to breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeathe."

Rachel scowled and was staring at her hands mumbling in a fierce, angry tone in Spanish. Shelby looked up when she heard words that Rachel shouldn't know.

"Rachel," Shelby said warningly.

"Santana said words like that are okay as long as you don't say them directly," Rachel said, but her mother's narrowed eyes told her otherwise. Shelby looked at Santana with a frown, but the girl only shrugged.

It continued. It went on and on and on. Quinn andNoah stared at her with a deep frown. They were so stunned that none of them were noticing Rachel's reaction.

Sugar waved her arms in the air. "I am beeeeeeautttttttifulllllllll lllll! No maaaatttttttttter whaaaaat they saaaaaay! Words can't bring me down." She sang the last line with a fierce, staccato.

"STOP!" Rachel hissed. She shot up in her seat. George went flying off her lap but she quickly picked him up. Placing him on her chair she continued to ramble, cutting Sugar off as she started to sing again. "You cannot sing! I'm sorry! I don't have to pretend to be on the autism spectrum to say it how it is. Plus! To prove to a Broadway legend -My mom!- and I'm not a turkey! - You should have sung a Broadway tune. You don't have Aspergers! It's just an excuse for you to say rude things without a filter!"

Sugar frowned. "Excuse me, I wasn't finished."

"Yes, you are," Rachel hissed. "This," she said, "is how you sing." Rachel hit the note she needed on the piano and opened her mouth. "Maybe this time, I'll be lucky..." the song poured out of her. The lyrics exploded from her pores. Her eyes squeezed shut at the passion of the lyrics. She didn't feel the stares on her. She only cared about beating Sugar. She only cared about showing this girl how big music can be and how much the words can matter if you just sang them with feeling. She began the last verse. "Everybody loves a winner, So nobody loved me; 'Lady Peaceful,' 'Lady Happy,' That's what I long to be..."

Quinn stared at her in shock. She didn't know Rachel could sing like that. She looked over at everyone else and saw that they too were in shock, not because they had never heard it but because they had almost forgotten the true resonance of Rachel's singing voice.

"Well, isn't that something," Holly said suddenly standing at the kitchen door.

Quinn turned and looked at her. The older blonde was smirking.

With narrowed eyes, Quinn asked, "You planned this?"

Rachel's voice continued. "All the odds are in my favor, something's bound to begin, it's got to happen, happen sometime, maybe this time I'll win." As Rachel came down from the last note she stared at the floor in shock. What was that?

"Planned what?" Holly asked with the smirk remaining as she walked into the family room. The family continued to remain frozen. "Sugar, come on please. You can show me your singing skills on the ride back to your father's office."

"Aunt Holly, I'm better than her," Sugar said with a frown and an up-talking voice.

"I'm not so sure about that," Holly said winking at Rachel. "See you tomorrow, everyone." The woman waved was gone. Just like that.

Rachel's eyes continued to dart around the floor. She looked back at the piano. What was that?

**Sorry again that this chapter took so long. It is a bit of a change structure wise. Please let me know what you think. **

**Thank you **


	50. Chapter 50

chapter 50

Guest – Not sure what this means, but I hope you are enjoying the story.

Drea LuRuiz – The girls will slowly but surely come forward. The announcement at school has opened a lot of girls minds and given some the will power to step forward. Thank you for reviewing.

Scream4Help - Yes she is singing but for how long – it's a painful memory now for her Thanks for the review

Gleeks09 - Quinn has never heard any of them sing so it is a shock – although she could probably google Shelby and Leroy she hasn't. Rachel would never know how to take Sugar. She needs to be tamed a little. Shelby will NOT be pleased at all with Quinn cutting classes and Quinn may not get away with it for too long. Sue is definitely in their corner and as harsh as she is – she has a soft heart for the Corcorans. Mike and Noah's trip is this chapter I hope you enjoy. Thanks for the review!

Lexie-Rae - Sue was a little off on her leaders but she gets her point across. And the girls have a lot of great role models in this story. Sue is going to make a great vice principal. Holly relationship is something that Rachel does need so it will be here for a while. Bear and Michael are at a loss on how to help their family but they will make sure everything is followed correctly so there is no chance for Will to get out. You will see some of Noah and Mike's road trip in this chapter. Yes there were other victims and hopefully they will start to come forward now that it is public. Quinn is headed down a slippery slope but unlike the show – she has a strong parent at home that will not let her get too far. She can't do much cheering right now so she is a little lost. Sugar will be around for a while and will most certainly continue to annoy Rachel but she is Rachel's age and she will calm a bit as she has on the show. But it will be interesting. Thanks as always for your fantastic and observant review. I love them.

banjojd - Quinn should be eating but she is just not going to do it overnight. It brings up too many bad memories and her body has learned to react a certain way because of it. Shelby will have to keep a closer eye on her because she is rather sneaky. Noah giving Quinn that idea of using her hand as a weapon may cause future issues down the road – we shall see. You will see what else Santana has taught Rachel behind Shelby's back in this chapter. Thanks for the review.

littleredwritinggleek - As much as I would love for Quinn to go full time skank – with Shelby as her mom, Nana being around, Joey being there and then throw in Sue – she doesn't have a chance. But that doesn't stop her from trying – it just won't go so well. Quinn's dad and Hiram are not in the same prison – Quinn's is in Ohio and Hiram is in NY – so Quinn won't be speaking to Russell anytime soon. It is way too raw for her anyway. She won't see him for a while. Thank you so much for your kind words. Each chapter is emotional in some ways for me and it is a challenge for me to write. I have 2 betas that help me stay the course and keep me sane. Unfortunately this is based on some real life things I have seen. I am glad you enjoy reading this

marinka4 - In some ways it is but in other ways it is not. Thanks for the review.

alopez208 - Well I am glad it did not make you cry. I was glad you laughed at Sugar. I am going to show Britt's reaction but it may not be all at once. Thank you for your review and your continued patience – they are so appreciated.

OTHangels - Thank you!

Kimberlli - That would be an AWESOME gif! Not much Will in this chapter but he is tightly locked away for right now but we will be getting to him soon. Noah is headed to see Hiram this chapter lets see what happens.

FlatWeasley - Thank you so much! Rachel will be singing I just don't know how much because even though she loves it – it brings up some very painful memories

piecesofyourheart = Wow Thank you so much! Best Chapter huh? Sugar is awesome and she is not going away. I am so glad you like it. Thanks for the review.

Guest - Trust me with Shelby as her mom and the family that Quinn has now she will find the right path – but she will have some ups and downs – she needs to find herself and right now she is lost – Rachel will get friends too but she needs to also feel safe and it is a little too soon for that but she will get friends. The family has individual therapy but they also will start family therapy – Noah and Mikes trip is in this chapter I hope you like. Thank you for the review

Renata - I am so glad you loved this chapter. Rachel does deserve to be a kid again and she has had to deal with way too many adult things so Holly will keep bringing that in which is very helpful but it will be challenging for Rachel. She will have more friends – they will come soon. Rachel has had all those feelings and will continue to have those feelings. But as far as seeing her death again I think those will be suppressed for right now. Her sisters will help her a great deal with that. As always I love your hugs and kisses from Brazil. Thank you so much!

broadwaybound2016 - I am glad you liked it! Thank you for the review.

Stepheyy - I am glad you enjoyed Sugar. I love her on the show they just don't use her enough in my opinion. Sue scares everyone but she is 100% on the Corcoran side and she is a very nice ally to have. Thank you for the review.

Ryoko05 - Third party characters are sometimes hard for me to write so I am glad you are enjoying them.

It is hard for Quinn to have had friends with her parents so gaining and trusting friends is a new thing for her as well. She is a lonely sole. She does need someone though. Will it be Dylan – maybe. Thanks for the review

Fangirl44 - It is a true sign that Rachel is very strong. Thank you for noticing. Thank you for the review.

NinjaGleek21- McKinley is in for a rude awakening now that Sue is running the ship. Rachel is going to try and get back singing but Schuester has caused her love for it to decline a bit. She will work to get it back. Thank you for the cookies and the reviews

justanotherreaderr - I am honored it is one of your favorite stories. I hope you like this chapter as well. Sugar is amazing and they don't use her enough in the show. Thanks for the review.

A C one - That's right Sugar still thinks she is better but Rachel really wants to sing again but it brings back too much bad memories right now. Sue will protect the girls like they are her own. Thanks for reviewing the story as always

Guest- Quinn – won't be smoking for long – one of my betas will kill me if I keep Quinn smoking – Shelby catches her and it won't go well. But Quinn is going to test her boundaries. She has some new found freedom and she will start testing things. Plus she is still just recovering from a serious operation and she is underweight so I agree smoking is a bad habit and it won't last long. Thanks for reviewing.

thelastcenturian - Flawless ? I don't know about that but I am glad you enjoyed it. Thank you so much! Can't wait for your updates. :)

Jamison08 – Rachel will be singing more but I am not sure when – she is too talented to not sing for a living. Thank you so much for your review

TommyH - Even though they are short and sweet I love that you ALWAYS review. Thank you chapter.

look4me –I am glad you like the way Sue is. Sue wont let any of them give up. You are right Shelby will not like smoking at all. But how skanky Quinn gets away with will be minimal with Shelby as mom. She will challenge now and more in the sequel. Judy's will reading will be soon and it has some interesting turns. Stay tuned. Thank you for reviewing

WittyNinja - School is not in store yet. She is still too fragile at this point and that would be added stress for her. The other kids are older and they are struggling so much that Shelby will take her time to get Rachel in the right school. Because changing schools again will be too much. But eventually Rachel will go to school. Thank you for your review

dolphinluver46 - Yeah it is only briefly for now. Too much has happened but it is a love for this family so she will get back to it. Thanks for the review.

amandaes417 - No you are a very dedicated fan! Thank you so much and I am so overwhelmed by the amount of reviews for this story. It amazes me every day. Tumblr and skype are nice too! Thanks for your review and support they are truly appreciated

AnaPana1 - Holly can do that to Rachel because she is not her family and she sees what Rachel needs – not that her family doesn't but its just different. I am glad I didn't disappoint you. Thanks for your review.

AnaPana131 - She has brought back the spark but Rachel will still struggle with the singing for right now. I love Sugar too! And she will be back trust me. Thanks for the review.

croque - A scaled down version of skank Quinn is coming! Shelby and Sue won't really let it last too long. In the show – Quinn's parents were alcoholic jerks in my opinion. Thanks for the review

**A/n: Thank you everyone for your responses! I'm so proud and grateful that this story has managed to arrive at 50 chapters. I'm grateful for those of you who have followed this story from the beginning. I'm so excited and thankful for those of you who discovered this story later and plowed through all of the content over a short span. I miss all of you who have ceased reading and reviewing this story. I respect and honor your right to move on from the story, but know that you are missed and I always wonder what you think of the story. **

**This chapter has pretty graphic memories. Please read with caution. Trigger warning. **

Rachel frowned and looked at the piano. "I … I..." She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. "I … I..." She frowned. "Um..." She reached out and grabbed George and stared at the floor. She felt so overwhelmed. She had forgotten her high and sense of accomplishment when she let loose and she felt the sound emerge from her body. She forgot the passion and the freedom that she felt when she sang, but it wasn't enough anymore. It was not longer it was an escape it was so many other things instead. Instead she couldn't help but hear his voice in her ear and feel his hand on her shoulders and diaphragm. He was encouraging her and telling her she did well. It wasn't simply that she hated it. It just felt too unnatural. It felt wrong and it just didn't fit like it used to.

"Rachel?" Shelby asked coming up behind her. "That was beautiful."

The eleven year old frowned and looked up at her mother. "I... I don't like her..." Her voice came out as a small mumble.

Shelby moved closer, trying to hear. "What?"

"I don't like her, Mom!" she said folding her arms tightly around George with a stomp of her foot. "I don't like her and I'm not going to be friends with her!" Rachel's voice was hurried and sharp as she stomped and stormed out of the room.

Shelby saw a quick glance of her youngest's teary eyes before her dramatic exit. The mother looked back at the older kids. Quinn looked at them awkwardly. "Well... She can sing..." the blonde said awkwardly. She looked at them as everyone remained silent. "I didn't... I didn't realize that she was that good."

Santana started toward the door but felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked at her mother and knew that she had to remain in the room. She watched longingly as Shelby followed after Rachel and she was left behind. I'm not the parent, she told herself.

"We all used to sing," Santana said quietly still watching after her mother. She snuck a glance at Noah. "But Rachel does more than us. It was... is... a part of her."

She looked up at Noah and Quinn. She felt off. She felt raw and exposed and distant. She had written her heart out about a girl named Sadie. She frowned, knowing that the name had no meaning other than that it was the first one that popped into her head. Would Brittany assume that it had a meaning? Did it? Had she ever met a Sadie? Santana sighed. Was Brittany reading the story about her life right now? Or had she already read it? Just the thought of it made her heart pound faster.

"What's wrong with you?" Quinn asked breaking her thoughts.

Santana looked at her with a deep set frown. "Nothing."

They settled back at the table as Noah rummaged through the refrigerator.

"Is this about Rachel singing?" Quinn asked.

"What?" Santana asked, startled.

"That's a no," she said with an awkward chuckle as she reopened her book.

Santana started to quietly flip through her book. She looked up suddenly. "Why would you think it's about Rachel's singing?"

"It was a guess," Quinn shrugged, not looking up from her book. "Forget it."

"Quinn," Santana pushed.

The blond sighed and looked up with a roll of her eyes. "It was just a guess."

"What?" Santana asked more exhausted. "Explain it to me!"

"You get a look on your face when anyone sings," Quinn said with a frown. "Like you're somewhere else."

"Oh," she replied thoughtfully. "I do?"

"Don't worry so much about it. I was wrong," she shrugged.

"Record that, San," Noah said as he thumbed through a road atlas. "She'll never admit that again."

"Noah, are you just learning your states?" Quinn asked.

He scoffed, offended. He needed to get the spotlight off of himself. "Did I see you roaming the halls with that skank, D... um... D... ? Is her name D?"

Santana looked at Quinn. "What?"

"Don't call her a skank," Quinn spat. "And her name is Dylan."

"I didn't. That's what they call themselves," Noah said with his mouth full as he looked up from the atlas one more time.

Santana reached over at Noah and smacked him on the arm. She looked down at the map and turned it the right direction. His eyes opened wider with a better understanding. "Oh... okay."

"Where are you going? And if you plan to go anywhere, I should go too since clearly you don't know how to read a map." He didn't answer but instead leaned down closer to the map. "Do I really make a face?"

Noah didn't respond but continued to look at the map pensively. Santana thought more intensely about Quinn's words.

"I don't," Santana said finally, thinking outloud. "I like Rachel's singing."

Quinn looked up with a sigh. She was concentrating too hard that it was giving Santana a headache. The brunette could not help but feel irritated at how much the blonde cared about her studies. However, she didn't want to think about it for too long because she knew her thoughts would drift into the arena that they all didn't want to think about, her past. She watched Quinn for a second longer. Quinn's sigh brought Santana out of her stupor.

"I didn't say you didn't," she said with a exasperation. "Just forget it."

Santana sighed in return and sunk back in her seat, remembering the moment that they discovered Rachel's talent.

_Santana looked out the window. She didn't want to be here. She hated third grade. She hated this school. She was nine years old and was sure that she shouldn't have to deal with things she didn't like this young. That was what being a grown up was. At least that was what her philosophy was. She had already dealt with enough...She trailed off in her head. She didn't want to be here. She looked toward the front of the room at Marilyn Noel. The girl had tried to be her friend. Santana had seen it, but she felt badly because she never tried to reciprocate. She couldn't concentrate on other people's feelings. With therapy and Rachel and Noah and everything else, she was too snappy at anyone that seemed to try to be her friend. Her mother and therapist told her to be considerate. She tried to be but it was usually after she was selfish and rude and it was usually too late to redeem herself. _

"_Santana." The girl looked up at her teacher, Mrs. Hall. Santana frowned. She hated her too. The teacher went on. "You're the class helper for today. Please get the workbooks from the closet." Santana narrowed her eyes and stood with a glare. "Without the attitude, please Santana." _

_Harvey Pew sat at his desk near the closet and sneered at her. She scoffed back and walked into the back of the supply closet. She reached on her tiptoes and grabbed the workbooks. She hadn't really been in a closet since...Her thoughts trailed off. As soon as her grip was on it, she heard the door slam behind her. _

"_Try to get out now!" Harvey hissed into the other side of the closet. _

_She dropped the notebooks sharply and turned toward the door. She felt such dread in her stomach that she could barely recover. She pounded on the door panting. _

"_LET ME OUT!" she screamed. She felt her chest tighten as if the skin and organs were stretched across her chest . Her eyes squeezed shut. She was in the dark. She couldn't heard the teachers on the other side. as she scolded Harvey and attempted calm her. She couldn't hear the murmur of the kids and the whispers. She could only hear Hiram's voice and Rachel's screams. The dim light didn't provide any solace. She fell to the floor as she continued to bang on the door. "LET ME OUT!" She couldn't breathe. She let out a sob. "PLEASE! PLEASE!" _

_She didn't care about the tough persona that she kept up. She just cared about getting out and going home. _

"_PLEASE! PLEASE LET ME OUT!" _

_She couldn't hear the attempts of kind words on the other side of the door. She couldn't hear anything. All she could do was feel her own panic. _

_Santana was in the closet for nearly twenty minutes. According to the teacher she pounded too hard on the door causing the lock to get jammed. It took two janitors to finally get her out. The door opened and she burst out of the closet with a sob. Her stupid teacher asked her questions but she just pushed her way past them. _

"_NO!" she sobbed. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" She put her hand over her heart and knelt on ground trying to catch her breath. _

"_Santana," Mrs. Hall attempted again to calm the girl. _

"_SHUT UP, YOU FAT COW!" she sobbed. _

_Mrs. Hall frowned and backed away. Santana looked up with a murderous glare. The class was looking at her. Her chest was still tight. The nurse told her it was a panic attack, but she had sobbed to the point of sickness. Another ten minutes later Shelby arrived with Rachel at her side. _

"_Santana," Shelby said quietly. "Santana." _

_She looked up at mother and sighed in relief. She leapt into her mother's arms. She sobbed and finally breathed again. She felt Rachel's tiny arms around her waist. _

"_Mommy's here," Shelby whispered as she rubbed Santana's back. "Mommy's here. You're okay." _

_She pulled away from her mother and looked around the classroom, surprised to see it was empty. _

"_Where is everyone?" Santana asked taking Rachel's hand. _

"_They're at recess," Shelby said softly as she stood. "I need to talk to your principal." _

"_Why?" _

"_Well," Shelby began as she cast her girls a look. Rachel was volleying her gaze back and forth between her mother and her sister. _

_A man and Noah suddenly walked through the door. Noah's shirt was dirty and his hair was messy. Shelby sighed and looked at her son, kneeling in front of him. _

"_What happened?" she asked the man she knew to be the vice principal. _

"_Well, seems that Noah here punched Harvey Pew in the face." _

_Shelby frowned. "Noah!" _

_Noah looked at her as if she was silly to be mad at him. "He locked Santana in the closet on purpose. I didn't punch him in the face. He couldn't stay in the trash can I put him in." _

_Shelby looked at her son. "So you punched him to keep him in the trash can?" _

"_Yeah," Noah nodded, but the boy's look faded when he realized he had been caught in a lie. "Oh." _

_Shelby stood. "I'm assuming you and Principal Baylor want to speak with me." _

_The man nodded. "You assumed correctly." _

_Santana and Noah waited with Rachel between them in the hallway. Rachel looked up at her big brother then at her sister, confused as to what they had done again, but not surprised that they were in the hallway again. They had been there more than Rachel could count. All she knew was that it was almost summer and that Sanny and Noah would be home to play with her all the time. _

_Noah looked over Rachel's head at Santana. _

"_Are you okay?" he asked quietly. _

_She was still staring at the ground and didn't say much. Noah knew not to push her. He turned and looked at Rachel and smiled. He leaned back against the bench and started taping on the arm. Santana folded her arms and tapped her foot on the floor with an alternative beat. Noah and Santana used to drum periodically like this with their father. Building on beats and interchanging rhythms. Much to Shelby's annoyance, Leroy had always been tapping on something. _

_Santana chuckled when she saw Rachel swaying to the beat. Noah and Santana changed the rhythm and the four year old kept up. Suddenly Rachel began to hum as she too tapped to an additional layer of a beat. Santana looked at her. The four year old was crescendoing and changing notes with the beat. Santana added another layer to the beat with her foot and altered the cadence of the beat of her hands. Rachel kept up yet again. She raised her eyebrows at her little sister. She was more than impressed. It brought a smile to her lips._

"_What are you doing?" a voice asked causing them to stop immediately. _

_In truth it was something they used to do with their father but it had been brought back by their therapist. Rachel leaned into Santana's side. Santana frowned and looked up at the the teacher she didn't really know. She just knew him as grumpy face. _

"_We're waiting for our mom," Noah frowned. _

"_Well stay quiet," he hissed. _

_The man known as grumpy face walked away slowly. _

"_Where did you learn how to do that?" Noah asked looking at Rachel._

_The four year old shrugged and leaned more into Santana. _

"_Alright," Shelby said coming out of the office. "Let's go home." _

"_Are you mad?" Santana asked as they followed their mother out to their car and driver, Leo. _

"_Causing trouble again guys?" he asked with a smile. _

_Shelby shook her head. "Not now, Leo." _

_The four of them climbed into the Suburban. Santana groaned as her mother pointed to the booster that she had set up for her. Santana wasn't as stocky as Noah but not as small as Rachel. She still had to sit in a stupid booster. At least the windows were tinted and people couldn't make fun of her. her mother was all about safety... ever since... _

"_We will talk about this when we get home," Shelby said buckling Rachel into the car seat. She looked at Noah. "When we get home, Noah, I want you to hop in the shower please. Dumpsters are not an appropriate place to play." _

"_Say what?" Leo asked turning in the seat._

_Shelby rolled her eyes. "He's fine. I just don't want him tracking at home." _

"_Well, I don't want him tracking in my car," Leo said with a smile. _

"_You smell worse than me," Noah shot back. _

"_Touche," the driver said with a grin. He had been with the family for years and driven Leroy around frequently. _

"_Noah, don't be rude," Shelby said with a glare. She looked at Leo. "Don't encourage them please, Remember you're the adult here." _

"_Yes, ma'am," Leo nodded giving Noah a wink in the rear view mirror. _

_A couple hours later everything was settled. Rachel had been put in her room for a nap. Noah and Santana were told that they were spending their last year at that school. At first Santana did understand. Noah was moving up to junior high of course it was his last year. Then her mother explained in a graceful fashion that Santana knew that she would never acquire. They were being kicked out. Her mother assured her that they weren't kicked out but that was what it sounded like. Shelby explained that their education was terrible so that they were being removed. However, she and Noah knew in reality, they had been kicked out. _

_Santana now sat in her room. She pulled her knees up to her chest. She had caused many fights since she started going back to school, but this instance wasn't her fault. She frowned deeper. It wasn't her fault at all. She heard the phone ring down the hall of their large apartment and her mother pick up. The apartment was big, but she managed to run into the hallway and grab the hall phone. As she listened on the call, she now knew their fate. They were leaving the city. She had just heard her mother on the phone earlier that morning. They were moving far far away to Ohio. She had been there to visit but she couldn't imagine Lima as home. She just... she just couldn't..._

_She heard her door creak open and saw that there was no one in sight. Clearly it was Rachel and the bed was hiding her tiny frame. Rachel rounded the end of the bed and looked at her with a frown. She was clutching George close and rubbing her eyes tiredly. _

"_Do you want to sleep in here?" she asked quietly. _

_Rachel nodded and climbed into Santana's lap. _

_Santana felt a panic in her chest. Nothing felt like home anymore. Nothing felt the same. Things were better than they were at the shelter, but here... it just didn't fit. Her own skin didn't fit. None of it seems right. Maybe she could start over... make new friends... she didn't want to... She didn't want any of that. Rachel was in her lap playing with her fingers. _

"_Are you sad?" _

_Santana shrugged. "I don't know... I guess," she muttered. _

"_I know what would make you feel better," Rachel said sitting up. _

_Santana wrapped her arms around Rachel and kissed her on the top of the head. "Yeah?" _

"_Your favorite song," she smiled. _

_Santana frowned. "My favorite song? I don't have one."_

"_You and Daddy sang it," Rachel said. _

_The older girl knew well that Rachel remembered only some but it was a limited amount. She shook her head with a confused smile. "What song?" _

_Rachel straightened in Santana's lap and put started to bounce with a beet. Santana tried her best not to lap. Rachel clapped quietly with the alternative beat. _

"_Been spending most their lives, living in the gangsta's paradise_

_Been spending most their lives, living in the gangsta's paradise_

_Keep spending most our lives, living in the gangsta's paradise_

_Keep spending most our lives, living in the gangsta's paradise_

_Tell me why are we so blind to see_

_That the one's we hurt are you and me_

_Tell me why are we so blind to see_

_That the one's we hurt are you and me" _

_Santana couldn't contain her laugh. Her father and her used to sing Coolio's songs but she couldn't believe Rachel remembered that. She pulled Rachel closer with a smile. _

"_You did pretty good, Rach," she smiled. _

"_Yeah," Shelby said from the door with a curious smile. "You did." She smiled and leaned down in front of her. "What do you think about doing some music classes?" _

Santana looked up from her memory and noticed that Quinn was still looking at her. She needed to focus-On anything.

"We have Cheerios tryouts tomorrow," she said as she reopened her book. "Don't forget."

Quinn looked at her pointedly. "How can I?" She rolled her eyes. "I don't have any other choice."

Santana nodded and attempted to pretended to concentrate on her work.

….

Shelby followed Rachel up the stairs with a deep frown on her face. She didn't realize that this was what going to happen. She felt a pang in her heart for Rachel. She had recognized the conflict in her eyes.

"Rachel?" she said quietly as she knocked on the girl's bedroom door.

"Mumma, I'm okay," Rachel whispered. She turned to her mother. "I don't want to be her friend and I don't want to talk to her and I … I don't want to …. I just... I don't want to."

Shelby entered the room and sat on the bed pulling her youngest with her. "You want to tell me more about what's going on?"

Rachel looked up at her mother with a frown. "I don't like her, Mom. She's infuriating!"

The mother laughed. "Because she challenges you?"

"Yes!" Rachel said without hesitation. She deflated slightly. "Well... she just... Mom, she's so...I just... I don't like her..."

"Rachel, there are people in your life that you're going to have to deal with that you don't get along with," she said simply.

"I know that," she said quietly. "I do... I just... I … I don't want to sing anymore, Mumma."

There it was. This was the reason Rachel had gotten so upset. It was the reason Shelby followed her daughter up here. "You don't have to," Shelby said quietly, "but I really wish you would. You're really good at it. Quinn was impressed. She'd never heard you sing before."

Rachel shrugged. "I don't..." she looked at her hand in her lap. "I don't like singing anymore because I think of him... I … I don't … I don't I just.. I don't..."

"Okay," Shelby whispered. "I understand."

"You do?"

"Of course," she smiled. "I didn't sing for a long time either."

Rachel frowned. "Because of us?"

Shelby nodded. "It always reminded me of what I was doing and how I wasn't with you guys." She watched her frown as her baby brown eyes thought more deeply.

"How did you... How did you start back again?" she asked quietly.

Shelby smiled and pulled Rachel closer. "Well... that's a fun story."

"It is?"

The mother nodded. "Nanny Mary wasn't feeling well and the other two kids were at school. You and I were hanging out. Nana and Pop-Pop had to work or volunteer. I don't remember they were busy. It was just you and me."

Rachel looked up at her. "Wasn't it always just me and you at home?"

The mother grinned. "Yes and no." She continued, "You were four. This was a week or so after you started rapping to Santana that ridiculous rap.-"

"After she and Noah were kicked out of school?"

"They weren't kicked out," she said. "Okay... sorta... We were asked to leave at the same time that I decided to pull them from that terrible school." She rubbed Rachel's arm and continued, "I was seeing a few clients in the house and I asked you to stay in the living room as I worked in the dining room across the way. I could see you through the french doors. Normally, you just colored or played with the dolls or blocks." She smiled as she thought more about the memory. "You … uh... I looked up and I couldn't see you at one point and I excused myself to tell you to stay where I could see you and you were sitting at the piano and were playing with the metronome at the piano."

Rachel nodded. "I think I remember this. You told me I could sit at the piano but I had to stay put and that I couldn't wander out of the room."

Shelby laughed. "I told you that many times."

"But I followed directions that time," she smiled.

"Yes, you did," Shelby smiled. "So I continued with my meeting and we started hearing these little notes. I considered that you might play the piano and didn't mind. However, it wasn't just you pressing the keys at random you were harmonizing. You were doing cords."

Rachel shrugged. "There was a picture on the pile of music."

"Of the chords?" Shelby asked. Rachel nodded. "You never told me that."

" I didn't think it was important."

Shelby nodded. "So you just followed the picture?"

Rachel smiled. "Yeah."

"Well, we were hearing you play these chords and then after a few minutes we started hearing you singing to them. You weren't matching the tones. You were complimenting them."

"It was kind of easy," she muttered. "But I don't understand why that helped you go back to singing...You only did community theater and private lessons after that."

"I did," she said with a smile. "But that was enough for me." She laughed. "Do you remember what we did after that?"

Rachel shook her head. "No."

"We watched _Funny Girl _for the first time. You rarely stayed quietly when it was just you and me. But when we watched that movie." She laughed heartily. "Rach, you didn't move. I kept looking down at you to make sure that you were breathing." She rested her chin on the top of Rachel's head. "Before that point you hadn't shown ANY interest in anything. You were four and didn't dislike things strongly but you also didn't like things strongly either. Everyday... Everyday after that... you were singing songs or playing on the piano. Nanny Mary and Nana worked with you to learn other instruments."

"Why didn't I have a teacher before … before... um..." she asked a she frowned.

Shelby thought for a moment. "Well, you... you didn't want to."

"I didn't?"

Shelby shook her head. "No," she said searching her memory. "You practiced with me and … Pop-Pop and Nana while they still lived with us. We tried a couple times."

"We did?"

"Yeah," Shelby said. "There was Julian, my friend from the community theater and Wendy, remember?" Rachel shook her head. "It was pretty informal and I was there with you and then I would get up to leave and you would panic. You did alright in dance because you had the other girls with you but … yeah..."

"Oh...but you said yes, to... to him," she said with a frown.

"You kind of demanded it, remember?" Rachel seemed to deflate even more. Shelby took a deep breath. "I did because I knew you loved it. It was the first time you actually wanted to have privates from someone outside of our family. I said yes because of that and also because you...You told me that you would be with Kurt."

"I know," Rachel whispered.

"Rachel, singing with you and teaching you about singing helped me remember how much I loved it." Shelby brought the conversation quickly away from the man who she thought she once knew and back to the original purpose.

"I still love it," she said with a whisper. "I just... I feel him... when I do it. It's like... It's like sitting in a hot tub in the winter. Remember when we went skiing and we did that? It's like that... It's as if I felt something so amazing but I felt something so scary and … uncomfortable all at once. It scares me..."

"Baby steps Rachel. Tonight was step one," she whispered. "Healing isn't miraculous, bug." She kissed her softly. "Life's just a work in progress."

"I know," she muttered. "I still don't like her."

"You don't have to Rach," Shelby said. "But you do need to be respectful." Her eleven year old looked at her with an indignant glare. "Even if you think that she isn't."

…...

Santana turned on her side table lamp. The rest of the evening had been completely unproductive on her part. She hadn't finished any of her work by the time her mother came back downstairs to check it. She had to get up in the morning to finish. She looked around her room. She was distracted sporadically by everything. Noah spent the rest of the night nose deep in that map, scribbling notes onto a piece of paper which he refused to share with Quinn or herself. Santana had wanted to talk to Rachel but by the time she 'finished' her work and headed upstairs, Rachel was already sound asleep in their mother's bed. She knew Rachel was still using the ointment and the whole application made her upset, plus that damn screeching owl dressed in prada and leopard print would have tired anyone out.

She gave a heavy sigh. Then there was Quinn. Clearly she was preoccupied with something, but Quinn couldn't pinpoint what it was. As she leaned back into her pillows she thought about all that she didn't want to think about. This is why she hated sleeping alone. Somehow the things that she was trying to avoid were now penetrating her brain. With Rachel next to her or Quinn having an issue she didn't have to think about her. She didn't want to... she couldn't. Why the hell had she written about Sadie? Santana bit her lip. Who was she kidding? Why the hell had she written about herself? Why did she give that story to Brittany?

Brittany would read it and then she would know. It wasn't the fact that she thought Brittany would leave her. It's simply that she would now know. If she distanced herself far enough from it, Santana could almost trick herself into believing that it wasn't her at all. Her stupid frog-faced therapist in New York told her that she projected her feelings onto others. The only reason she was able to graduate from trauma therapy was because she arrived at the point that it was up to her. Therapy had a reputation of birthing "well-adjusted and healed" individuals. Santana knew better. You were still broken when you finished with therapy; your cracks just had super glue instead of the crappy elmers stuff.

She closed her eyes and she suddenly saw the face of Dani. What had she missed that? Was she looking for it before? Dani was always a senior who knew what she wanted but there was a hint of insecurity. There was no formula to it. Dani came from a good home with super supportive and kind parents. She was simply unsure of herself, especially in spanish. Mr. Schuester used to tutor her privately. She paused for a moment. Rachel looked a lot like Dani if she thought about it.

She closed her eyes. She couldn't think of this anymore. She couldn't do it. She couldn't think about this. She pulled her covers back and dug through her hamper. Where was it? Rachel took it last time, but she was sure it was in here somewhere. Finally she found it. Her father's shirt. She pulled it on and tucked herself back into bed. She thought for a moment. She needed something to occupy her. She had no phone, no laptop. She needed something. She pulled a book off of her shelf. _The Hunger Games. _ She frowned. Was this a book about cannibals? Brittany told her to read it awhile go.

She began to read quietly. She sighed. God damn it, she wasn't reading a book about some girl who had to take care of her sister from not having to compete in a fight to the death match. Santana had mastered the art of skimming years ago. She leaned back and closed her eyes. Routines. She would think about try outs. Cheerios Cheerios Cheerios. She eased her eyes shut.

_She stared at Rachel's tiny form. Rachel wasn't even three years old... There was blood in her diaper. There shouldn't be right? Santana reached for the wipes. There were only a few left. She frantically stripped the pillowcase off her pillow and began to clean up the blood before using the last precious baby wipes. Rachel was crying softly and kept reaching up for Santana to hold her again. Santana was only seven years old. She didn't know about blood in diapers. However, as she cleaned Rachel up she saw the bruising on the inside of her thighs. She squeezed her eyes shut remembering Hiram on top of her when he stuck one of his fingers in her. She frowned and picked up Rachel, who was now cleaned. She had thought she had been the only one but now, she knew differently. _

_Rachel rested her head on Santana's shoulder, gripping tightly to her. Santana sighed the door that Hiram had slammed shut moments ago had creaked open half way. Santana lay Rachel quietly on the makeshift bed next to Noah causing him to stir, but stayed asleep. "Stay with Noah," she said gently. Rachel shook her head and continued to grip onto Santana. Noah frowned awake and sat up pulling Rachel to him. _

"_What's going on?" he asked tiredly. _

_Santana held up a bloody diaper. Noah's eyes grew wide. _

_A grunt interrupted them. Hiram had exited the bathroom and was now the hallway glaring at them, and more specifically, the defiant seven year old. He stomped into the room. Santana pushed Rachel into Noah's arms quickly. The seven year old saw the tiny girl grip onto Noah more tightly as if she knew what was coming. _

"_What are you doing?" Hiram bellowed. He grabbed Santana's arm roughly. He looked down. She followed his gaze and saw that she was still holding the diaper. "Don't you dare!" he screamed with a shake. "What I do with her is my own business!" he screamed. He took a deep breath with a deep set grin. "Come on!" he pulled Santana with him. _

"_San!" Noah said putting Rachel down. _

"_Stay with her," Santana called. "Noah, don't leave her. She's hurt!" Noah sprinted to the closet and placed Rachel in it. Santana could hear him say something about it being a game and that Rachel needed to hide. She loved her brother, but Rachel wasn't hiding if Papa Hiram saw where she was. Noah sprinted back to him. "She didn't do anything! She didn't do anything!" he pleaded. Santana looked at her brother. He had been acting weirdly since he had found her after Hiram had... had made her bleed. She wasn't sure what you would call what happened to her on the bed that night with Hiram._

_Hiram shook her as he held her in his arm. "I can do what I want!" he hissed and backhanded Noah with his free hand before he finished dragging Santana down the hallway. _

"_Let me go!" she fought in his arm. They were going towards the room. She had to move fast. "Let go! Let go of me!" _

_He pushed her into the room with a shove so strong it caused her to fall onto the bed. She pushed herself up as quickly as possible as he slammed the door shut behind him, locking it. _

"_You think you're so good at everything, Santana," he said taunting her as he unthreaded his belt. _

_She backed herself into the corner. She was trying to be brave but she was shaking. She moved herself as far into the corner as she could. He approached her slowly, as if he were stalking his prey. He reached out and grabbed her by the arm yanking her out of the corner, holding her close to his face. "You're nothing but a piece of shit, Santana," he hissed in her face. "I can do whatever the hell I want when I want." _

_She raised her chin and looked at him defiantly. "You can't hurt my sister," she said with a slight tremble in her voice. "She's too little. She doesn't eat anymore and she-" _

"_I don't give a damn!" he screamed. "You think that you can control me," he said with a deep frown. "You think that you still have power here." Santana didn't respond. "By the end of tonight, you'll know who has all of the power." _

_He yanked her toward the bed and threw her on it again. He reached the large t-shirt she was wearing and ripped it open and then he yanked down her shorts and panties. _

"_Hold still!" he shouted._

_Santana was already crying before the belt hit ber bottom. Her fists were squeezed into tight balls as she screamed in agony. She didn't even bother counting the hits. She could barely even concentrate on his slurred, breathy words._

"_I can do WHATEVER the HELL I WANT," he screamed punctuating the words with each hit. She couldn't cry anymore all she could do was just pray for it to be over soon. She kept kicking but he held her in place with his palm at her back. _

"_Please! Please!" she sobbed as she kicked. _

"_No, FUCKING way! I'm going to show you, Santana," he said as he put his force behind each lick of the belt. "SHOW YOU!" _

_The heat and sharp, painful stings of the belt radiated so deep within her body that she wasn't sure when he stopped until she felt him on top of her back. He moved back her big hair and ran his hand down her bare back. _

"_Not so mighty now, are you?" he asked as his hand stopped at her bottom. He gave it a sharp hit with his hand. She let out a sob. She felt her body being pulled off of the mattress and thrown back on so that her legs hung off. "Open your fucking legs, Santana." _

_Her eyesight was blurry from crying. She could barely keep her eyes open from the sting. She couldn't feel anything but pain on her lower half. _

"_OPEN THEM!" he screamed at her again. _

_She shakily opened them. Her bare toes touched the hard floor as they did. She felt him breathing in her ear as she felt his hand at her backside and then... lower... where he touched her before. _

"_Who's in charge, Santana?" _

_She didn't answer him. He slapped her again on her bottom causing her to sob and moan with pain. "WHO'S IN CHARGE!?" _

"_You!" she screamed into the mattress. _

"_Damn straight," he hissed as she felt what felt like his fingers where he had touched her before. _

"_No!" she yelled, bucking and rekindling her strength despite the pain. He held her down at the small of her back as he pushed two fingers inside of her dry channel. She let out a wail as he began to pump his fingers in and out of her. _

"_I'm the fucking boss," he said as he pumped his fingers deep inside her. She was so exhausted by screaming, but she couldn't help but wail at each thrust. "I'm the boss," he hissed as he held his fingers inside her for a moment. "You're nothing! Do you know why I don't choose you?" he said whispered at her ear. She didn't answer because all she could focus on was the pain. He moved deeper in order to get an answer. _

_She screamed. "Nooo!" she sobbed. _

"_I don't choose you because you're too damn loud. Rachel is better. She's silent and she takes it. You're trash and you're fucking useless. A fucking cunt." _

_She held her breath unsure of what it meant but just wanting it to be over. After the longest five seconds, she felt him withdraw his fingers. She let out a sob of relief. She couldn't feel anything but she could feel everything all at once. _

"_Well, would you look at that," she heard him say behind her. "You have an effect on me." _

_She looked over her shoulder and saw that he was running his hand quickly up and down his hard, ridged member. His breathing became heavy and she watched in numb horror as he grabbed another one of rachel's t-shirts and exploded into it. He wiped the sweat of his brow and looked down at her as he stood up. She trembled as he watched her. He was looking at her like she needed to be squashed. _

"_I don't think you learned your lesson," he hissed. _

_She held her breath but became confused when he left the room. She heard her brother struggling. _

"_WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SISTERS!" he screamed. _

"_Fucking shut up!" he bellowed. Santana squeezed her eyes shut as she heard a slap and a thump, followed by silence. She held her breath. Oh, no, she thought. She heard a door slam open and Rachel whimper. His footsteps drew closer and returned into the room. He threw Rachel on the bed next to her. _

"_No," Santana pleaded weakly. "No. You already hurt her... no!" _

_He undressed Rachel similarly to how he did her. Santana watched as her baby sister barely moved as he stripped her. Her tiny eyes showed that she was used to this. All Santana could do was watch as Hiram beat Rachel with the belt. Rachel 's sobs came out more like whimpers. Her little hands were gripping at the sheet without avail. All Santana could do was watch. Her body was aching so badly to move. She knew Rachel had seen the blood because her baby brown eyes became bigger when she was dragged into the room. She didn't know how to fix things with her little sister. She didn't know how to save her anymore. Rachel just stared back at her as Hiram beat her. She didn't have a prayer. Santana didn't even reach out to take her tiny hand. Not only was her body useless, but Santana herself felt useless. _

Santana woke up with a start. She remembered that night clearly. She had thought so surely that he was going to violate Rachel like he had violated her, but he didn't. He was almost too tired by that point. He beat Rachel until there were no weltless spots on her backside and he was breathless. Then he just left them. He glared at Santana silently and just left. Santana remembered that Rachel still had her pacifier in while he beat her. She cried so much that it fell to the bed next her mouth. Santana shook her head. She pulled at her father's sweatshirt as she sat up in bed, swinging her legs over the side.

She sighed and looked at the clock. 3:46 am. Jesus. She moved into the bathroom and rinsed off her face. She was breathing heavily. She looked at herself in the mirror. The door opened and she felt her heart leap out of her chest.

"Jesus!" she screamed when she saw Quinn standing there.

"Hi," the blonde said with a frown. "You're up?"

"No, I'm a figment of your imagination," Santana snapped leaning back against the sink.

Quinn searched her face. She could tell that something had happened. Probably a bad dream. Santana always slept worse when Rachel wasn't there. When she first moved in, Quinn had assumed it was the other way around, but she was wrong. Santana needed Rachel just as much as the little girl needed her, maybe more.

The blonde shifted uncomfortably. "Wanna play some poker? I can't sleep either."

"We have school," Santana said. "We have to be awake because of the tryouts."

"Shut up," Quinn said dragging her into the blonde's bedroom. "You know you won't go back to sleep if you go sulk in your room." She looked at her softly. "Play some damn poker."

Santana sighed and gave in, settling down quietly on the lofted bed. "Why can't you sleep?" she asked quietly.

Quinn shrugged. "I don't know..."

"Liar."

She smiled. "Seriously. I just... I can't." Quinn looked down at the deck of cards in her hand for a minute as she tried to shuffled them with the cast. When she looked back up she caught Santana's glazed look. Quinn could tell that something was on Santana's mind. She'd had that look on her face all night. "Do you want... do you want to talk about it?" She asked as she continued to struggle with the cards before Santana grabbed them out of her hands to deal out them cards.

Santana scoffed. "Do you?"

Quinn shook her head.

"Alright then." Santana said dismissively.

Quinn nodded at the cards she just finished dealing, "Let's play. Blackjack?"

Santana nodded and paused. "Wait. I thought you were on drugs so you could sleep."

The blonde paused for a moment before finally meeting Santana's eyes. "Don't tell mom, but I'm not taking them."

The brunette looked at her sharply. "Quinn, you need to get better. On top of everything else you..."

"On top of everything else," Quinn interrupted. "I'm not doing that again. I'm not going to have those dreams."

Santana searched her eyes and opened her mouth to speak.

"I'm not," Quinn interrupted again.

"Okay," Santana said. She shook her head for a second. "You're going to get sick. You have no spleen. You need to eat and sleep to let your body fight infection."

"You're not my doctor," she said. "You're not even a doctor."

"No, spitwad," Santana hissed. "I'm your sister. And I would like to inform you that Grey's Anatomy is medically accurate. They have a medical professional working on the writing team and everything."

"You sound like a loser," Quinn said laying down her bet. "Don't repeat that in public."

"I'm serious, Quinn," Santana said as they began to play.

"Ditto," she said quietly.

…...

Santana lingered at her locker trying not to make it obvious that she was waiting for Brittany. Her heart was beating out of her chest. She was incredibly nervous to see her, but she knew that she had to. She had to know what Brittany thought of her story. Of her life. Of everything that she had been hiding from everyone outside of her family for all of these years.

"Hey," Brittany said, startling her from behind.

"Hey." Santana replied as casually as possible.

"I'm really sorry," Brittany said breathlessly. "I haven't had a chance to read this yet." The blonde pulled the story that Santana had given her the day before out of the binder she was carrying. "I just... I forgot it in my locker. I wanted to keep it safe."

Santana stared back at her. Her face was unreadable.

"Santana?" Brittany asked.

The girl just continued to look back at her.

"Santana?" Brittany questioned again.

"You didn't read it?" the brunette finally found her voice and asked quietly.

"What?" Brittany asked confused. "San, I'm sorry. I'm going to. I just... I couldn't yesterday. I forgot it in my locker but I want to - I just..."

"No," Santana interrupted. "It's okay," she said shaking her head. "I … um... It's okay." She looked at the ground. She had been worried about nothing. A new type of worry instantly took over her body. Should she get it back from Brittany right now? While she still had the chance? She looked at the story that was grasped firmly in Brittany's hands. She hadn't read it yet... maybe this was fate telling her that she should take it back?

"Santana?" Brittany attempted again moving closer to her as her eyes looked around.

"Please," she said hurriedly. Santana didn't give the girl an opportunity to answer. "It's just...I can't talk about it yet to you. Can we just try to forget it for a bit and go back to being just me and you?" She looked at her with anxious eyes. "Please?"

"San," Brittany attempted. "I want to read it." She pointed down at the folded papers that the girl have given her a day before. "I do want to."

"I know," Santana said with a nervous shake of her head. "But... can you... I just... I um... I don't want to think about it. I just …." She looked up at her with a pause. "I wanna be us."

The blonde laughed. "We are us."

"So forget about it," Santana smiled.

"You know I won't," she said gently. "But we'll think about it later." She smiled and tucked the folded notes back into her notebook.

She suddenly felt a nudge and was pushed over into Santana harshly, not noticing the folded papers she had just tucked away falling to the floor.

"Jesus!" Santana hissed.

Brittany frowned at Santana and then at the couple of hockey players that moved past them.

Words weren't exchanged but they didn't need to be. There was enough glaring.

"You alright?" Santana asked as Brittany straightened.

The blond nodded. "Yeah," she said shaking it off. "I'm fine."

They walked slowly down the hallway, glaring at anyone who looked at them.

Quinn closed her locker and turned as she heard her sister hiss at someone. "Jesus!"

She watched as Santana and Brittany made their way down the hallway. Over their poker game last night they had talked and Quinn begged her to do their own thing while at school. They needed their space. Her brow furrowed when she spotted some papers folded up on the floor where Santana and Brittany were previously standing. She crossed the hall and picked them up. She immediately recognized Santana's messy handwriting. She looked around the area making sure that nothing else was dropped. Satisfied that there was nothing else, Quinn stuffed the folded notes safely in her own homework folder and walked toward history.

…...

Holly watched Rachel silently do her homework.

"Are you going to give me the silent treatment all day?" Holly asked as she cruised through the other kids' papers.

Rachel continued to silently do her work. She looked behind her. "Nana?"

"Rach," Nana called back from the kitchen. "You're doing school things. Listen to Holly please."

Rachel frowned as Holly nodded appreciatively. "Where's Mom?" Rachel asked ignoring her grandmother's gently warning.

"Rachel," Helen said. "She had a meeting. Now please focus."

Rachel frowned and looked down again at her work. A sheet of paper crossed her path with a title, _New Assignments. _

"What's this?" Rachel asked.

"You need to do more," Holly said simply. "We're expanding your curriculum."

Rachel read the sheet. "I don't want to go on fieldtrips," she said when she saw that Holly had a few places to visit on the list. "I want... I want to stay here."

She perused the list. Museums, libraries, parks, aquariums, zoos... the list went on.

"I don't want to do this," Rachel said again with a frown.

"Well," Holly said as she leaned closer to Rachel on the table. "You can either figure out a long term plan with me or you and I can start looking at schools for you."

"I'm doing that with my MOM!" Rachel said with a tiny shout.

Helen looked up sharply, but Holly waved her off. "Well, that's fine. I'm happy that you're doing it."

Rachel frowned. "You think you're so smart!" she said with a frown. "You're manipulating me!"

"Am I?" Holly asked.

"You are doing things and you are anticipating my reactions. You're getting me upset just to trick me into doing stuff!" she said sharply.

"That's not really what I intend to do," Holly said calmly. "I'm giving you options, Rachel."

"No, you're not!" she shouted.

"You can be as angry as you want but you know just as well as I do that these are our options. Either you go to school full time with me or you go to a school full time with other kids. We can't not have you learning."

Rachel settled back into her seat and frowned, soaking in her words. "I didn't like what happened yesterday... I …. I can't sing..."

"I didn't ask you to, Rachel," Holly said simply.

"Your niece antagonized me!" she yelled. Holly arched her brow. "Do you need me to define that for you?"

"Reel in that attitude," Holly said sharply. "Yes, I knew my niece may push your buttons, but I also knew that she might potentially be a good friend. She's outspoken. She's passionate. And she's pretty tenacious, but also kind." Holly watched as Rachel deflated slightly. "Does that sound like anyone you know?"

Rachel looked at her hands. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Holly put her hand closer to Rachel but didn't touch her. "I'm not upset."

"But I was rude," Rachel said.

"That's for sure," Holly said. Rachel met her gaze and Holly smiled. "But you're sorry and I can understand why you're upset. I would be upset if I felt like I was being manipulated. I would really like to bring music back into your schooling, Rachel. You don't have to sing, but it's something that was important to you at one point." She looked at Rachel more squarely. "Don't let him take that from you."

Rachel tilted her head and felt her eyes water. "It's not that I don't want to."

"I know," the woman whispered. "But we can try. If we quit everything that reminded us of something bad then we won't do anything. Right?" Rachel nodded.

"I don't want to go to school," she said quietly. "I dont... I don't want to..I want to stay here." She looked at her grandmother, her eyes were tearing up again. "I want my mom."

"That's okay," Holly smiled. "You have a pretty great mom."

"You must think I'm a big loser," she whispered.

"I don't," Holly said. "You know what? You're kinda a loser like me."

"You're not a loser," Rachel said with a scoff. "You look like a barbie doll... a quirky one... but still." Rachel shrugged.

"I think you're a pretty incredible person who doesn't know how fantastic you really are. I'm your teacher and I want to help you with that," she said with a smile.

"I don't really …. I want to trust you...and I do... I just..." She trailed off.

Holly leaned down and looked at her. "No relationship is the same, Rach," she smiled. "It can be Rachel and Holly. It doesn't have to be anything else."

Rachel nodded. "Kay..."

She began to quietly do her work again. "Hey, Rachel?" Holly asked quietly. The girl looked up. "You're doing an amazing job."

"At what?" she muttered looking up at her skeptically.

Holly shrugged. "At being you," she said simply.

The eleven year old gave a small smile. "Thanks."

…...

Shelby sighed and looked at Patrick.

"I'm here," she said with a frown.

He nodded. "That you are. Where do you want to begin?"

"All of this is getting to me," she said crossing her legs and leaning back in the chair. She continued. "It just... I know that I can't focus on what I could have done, but... " She shook her head and looked at her old friend. "She was with him... She was with him so many times and I didn't see." She shook her head. "and San... San, I can see her falling apart and I just... I don't know how to catch her..."

"You know that she's going to fall?" he asked. Her brows came together as she considered his question.

"It's an inevitability. She throws herself out on a ledge all the time. I'm always the last one to know she's out there." Shelby rubbed her fingers over her knuckles. "More frequently than not we see parents who give up on their kids or who just... never really see them... I can't... I don't want to be that mother. Too much has happened. Noah's up to something and I'm scared of what he's getting into. He doesn't want to move on with his life, you know?" She gave a bitter scoff. "They're all so inured to it all. Now especially Quinn. How am I supposed to encourage them to move on and embrace and grow and love and change and live, if they rarely have anything to look forward to?"

Patrick sighed and looked at her with tender understanding. "You're here," he said simply. "You know as well as I do answers won't fall from the sky. They may not ever exist but you're here and we'll sort some of this out." He leaned back in his chair. "We might not solve it but in the least, you'll have things a little more organized in your head."

Shelby nodded relaxing in the chair. "So let me tell you about Quinn," she began proudly.

The two of them talked. There was an ease in grace in their conversations that was clearly built by the trust of time. She had a network of support and it was enough. Before Shelby knew it their 50 minutes were up. Patrick looked up from his notepad.

"You need to find time for you, Shelby," he said gently. "Not fun times with you and the kids but just you time. Go for a drive. Go for a run. Just you."

"And do what, Patrick?" she laughed heartily as if he were suggesting something absurd.

"Regroup," he said simply. "The one thing you can't do, Shelby, is start to let the kids act out more." He looked her square in the eyes. "They will. You have to be firm and make sure they know that you will always be there for them, but you will not let them hurt themselves or act inappropriately. Consistency is key."

"I know this, Patrick," she said with a sigh. "This isn't my first rodeo."

"With teenagers it is," Patrick said leaning forward. "They think they know you and your rules. They'll try to break them." He sighed leaning back again. "That being said, you need to apply that to your own life. Resume the self care plan we had in place."

Shelby sighed. "You know that didn't work. I have four children who all need my attention and I -"

"And you can't burn out," he said interrupting her. "I'm not going to say it again, Shelby. You're the example here. Be a good one. You know what you're doing. Just let it happen."

She stood and pulled on her jacket. She nodded with a smile. "We'll see."

…...

Quinn entered the restroom with a frown. History was one of the few classes that she didn't have Santana or Brittany in. It was one of the few classes she could skip and get away without anyone noticing. She couldn't sort out all that was going on in her mind. All she knew was that she was just nowhere near what she wanted to be. She didn't know what she was feeling. There was no question that she lived with the Corcoran's now. She even silently admitted to herself that she was a Corcoran. However, she couldn't think a lot about any of it. If she did she felt like she was going to burst. She felt that she needed a break. There was nothing for her in history class. She needed to seek out a distraction herself.

"Hey," Dylan said with a smile as she leaned against the window frame in the bathroom. "I didn't think you would come back here."

Quinn shrugged and pulled herself up into the sill of the other window.

The girl looked at her with skepticism. "Aren't you the girl we're all supposed to watch?"

"What do you mean?" Quinn asked sharply.

"I mean, you're the girl everyone else is rooting for. You're overcoming crap," Dylan said as she took a drag of her cigarette.

"Your absence of eloquent words is an inspiration," Quinn sneered.

"What I'm trying to say is that I just would think someone would notice you skipping," Dylan said. "Is this going to be a regular thing?"

The blonde scoffed. "I haven't put much thought into my future of skipping." She shrugged. "I guess I'm just riding the sympathy train." She looked at the girl. "How about you?"

"No one notices when I'm not there. It doesn't matter. I think they're just applauding me for coming to school."

Quinn sighed feeling a pang of sadness for the girl. Dylan pulled out a pack of cigarettes and threw them at her.

"You bought these for me?" Quinn asked.

"Figured you might be a little stressed," Dylan shrugged.

The blonde looked down at the cigarettes, remembering a time when she had the morals to say no to tarring her lungs. She gave a shrug. "Thanks. I'll pay you back."

"Don't worry about it," she said waving her off. "I should mention those could kill ya. You should try Red Bull instead before you get addicted."

"Red Bull instead of cigarettes?" Quinn asked. "I thought those things have different purposes."

Dylan rolled her eyes and pointed to the cigarettes. "You're just using those to destress and get through the day right?" Quinn nodded. "Red Bull is an equal exchange. It gets you through the day too." She looked at her with trepidation, but the girl went on. "Wait, how about your family? Won't your grades fall if you're not in class. If I remember correctly, you were kinda the model high school girl."

Quinn looked around with mocking surprise. "Are you an undercover guidance counselor? Your encouraging words are a little annoying." Quinn pulled a cigarette from her new carton, lit it and pulled it to her lips as she gave a sly smile to the girl next to her.

Dylan rolled her eyes. "Well, believe it or not, Quinn Fabray, people notice when you're there."

Quinn sighed. "Well, my mom won't mind about the homework. I can handle it." She paused at how easily those words fell out of her mouth. She went on, hoping Dylan didn't notice. "There are four kids in the house. I have it covered."

Dylan narrowed her eyes. "Fine, blondie," she said with shrug. She took a drag of her cigarette. "Smoking kills, don't do it."

"We're already dying anyway," Quinn shrugged. "Why not?"

"You're a lot darker than I thought," Dylan replied as she gathered her things.

Quinn shrugged and rolled her eyes. "Haven't you heard? I'm damaged."

Dylan pulled her backpack on. "Don't flatter yourself, " she said light heartedly. "We all have our share of damage. Yours is just being aired out." She headed toward the door. "I'll see ya."

The blonde watched her go, wondering how she missed everyone else's damage.

She eased back against the sill. She had brought her things from class. There was a substitute who didn't even notice that Quinn took all of her things when she left to use the 'bathroom'. She frowned and pulled out the papers that Brittany had dropped earlier, the ones with Santana's handwriting all over them. Her conscious taunted in her ear and told her that she shouldn't be looking at them. However, reason was convincing her that she was checking that all of the papers were there and it would only be accidental if she began to read.

Sadie was clearly Santana. She had to give Santana credit for her writing style. She was impressed. She knew a great deal about the Corcorans but it was fragmented. She leaned back with a sigh. There were so many pieces that now fit together more easily. Shelby and Leroy were married but their friendship wasn't enough to save their marriage. Shortly after his new partnership with a man names Lucifer (original, Quinn scoffed), Leroy died. Quinn hadn't realized that their father had died of a stroke. Quinn read Santana's words, knowing that there were no words to express the mourning that Santana was still in.

Quinn continued to read. She couldn't stop. The story finished with them moving to Lima. Quinn sat back and folded the story up carefully.

There it was. It was all written down. She had to protect this story.

She had never read her own story, but to read Santana's she couldn't help but feel her stomach bottoming out. They had been with him for almost two months. She couldn't explain the terror in her heart from her own experiences, because nothing had been consistent. Russell Fabray was not a constant monster and Judy was not always a persistent terror. There were times when days and weeks would go by when all Quinn was met with was silence. She didn't know where she stood with them but she knew that they weren't focusing their contempt with their terrible lives on her. After reading Santana's story, it was clear that Hiram invested such effort and energy into hating Noah, Santana and Rachel. Hatred stabbed differently at people. Her father was a terrible man, cruel and wrapped in his own terror and unhappiness that he had to provoke misery and demonstrate his power to everyone around him.

However, it wasn't reason behind her situation and her past that provided her any sanctuary. What she lived with and what she faced was not a cause and effect solution. It was terrible in its own right, but it was so much more than that. Dwelling on it hurt too much. She knew now more than ever that Santana understood that.

When she first moved in she didn't understand Santana's obsession with protecting Rachel. However, she gazed distantly at the papers she just finished reading. Rachel represented so much more than their sister. She was the only innocence that they all had left. Santana had to sit through two months of watching her little sister be beaten, knowing she was being violated in a way that at seven years old she couldn't even handle herself. With Quinn it had just been her. She didn't have to worry about anyone else's feelings but herself. Santana had to perform sexual acts on the evil monster that kept her siblings captive in order to try to lessen the blows on her baby sister and older brother, again something that no child should ever have to do or worry about. Quinn only had to worry about her. She had always been grateful about that. Now her gratitude felt so insignificant. Santana's over protectiveness of Rachel made complete sense now. After everything she had to witness first hand Quinn couldn't blame her for wanting Rachel to be in her sight at all times. After reading this she wanted Rachel to be in her sight at all times now too.

Santana's fear of closets made sense now as well. Quinn wondered from day one why the girl didn't have a door to her closet. Now she finally knew. Quinn's eyes watered. She couldn't imagine being locked in a closet; being forced to watch as a monster tore apart Rachel on the bed across from it. The thought made her stomach surge. She was more thankful now than she had ever been before for Noah's bravery and brains that day. He broke out just in time to get the cops to come back before the monster could move onto Santana too.

The bell rang and interrupted her thoughts. Quinn quickly wiped at her face to ensure any evidence of her stray tears weren't visible. She grabbed her things and entered back into the real world of the busy hallway. The day was almost over all she had to do was get through it.

She spotted Brittany and Santana at their lockers. She approached them with purpose. She needed to get rid of this. She needed to get this off her shoulders.

"Hey," she said interrupting their conversation.

"Hey," Santana said with a small smile. "Are you ready for tryouts?"

"Here," Quinn said without tact as she forced the papers into Santana's hand.

Santana's eyes grew wide as she looked at Brittany in shock suddenly forgetting how to breathe. Brittany shook her head in equal surprise.

"You dropped them, I picked them up," Quinn clarified quickly as she gazed around the hallway. She slowed and searched Santana's face as a sense of vulnerability and shock melted over her sister's face. "Santana?"

The girl shook her head frantically as she put her hands up. She shoved the folded notes into Brittany's hands quickly. She shook her head and looked at the story as if it would burn her. She couldn't meet Quinn or Brittany's eyes.

"San," Quinn said gently. "I didn't mean-"

"Forget it," she said with a shake of her head, unsuccessfully controlling her tears. She turned and started to walk away with brisk steps that transformed into a run.

"Santana," Brittany called back, taking the story and tucking it safely into her backpack. She started after the girl but a hand on her arm stopped her.

"Don't," Quinn said. "Let me."

"This is between her and me," Brittany said defensively.

"It's so much more than that," Quinn said gently. "Let me talk to her."

Brittany gave a faint nod and the shorter blonde started down the hallway. Quinn paused and walked back to Brittany.

"Don't lose that," Quinn said sharply. "It'll kill her if you do."

Brittany nodded and watched Quinn disappear into the crowd.

…

Santana leaned into the corner of the bathroom stall. She couldn't breathe. She felt such a panic from it all. She was such an idiot bringing that to school. Brittany dropped it. What if someone else had picked it up besides Quinn? She banged her head against the stall. Quinn read it. She saw it in the blonde's eyes. Quinn knew everything now.

She heard the door open. She sucked in a quick breath and held it in her lungs as she peeked around the stall as quietly as she could. She saw Dani standing there. She quickly wiped her face and blinked her eyes to clear the tears. She took a deep breath and swallowed her pride deciding to walk out of the stall.

"Hey," she said casually.

"Hey," Dani said with a shrug. "Tryouts are in the gym right?"

Santana nodded. "Yeah..." She watched as Dani reapplied her mascara. She didn't know where to begin. "I'm sorry," she said suddenly.

Dani looked at her with a frown. "What?"

"I didn't know... about you and….."

Dani stood up sharply. "Didn't know what?"

Santana searched the senior's eyes who was searching hers in return. She tried to form the words but nothing was coming out. "I just... why didn't you..."

"Stop!" Dani shouted squeezing her eyes shut. "Please just stop." She took a deep breath. "Listen, I'm really sorry about what happened to Rachie. I …. I can't imagine what you're feeling but... You know nothing about me, San. We're friends. You're one of my best friends, but that's just... It happened a long time ago and I... I'm sorry that I didn't say anything sooner..." She looked down at her hands. "I just can't with you. Okay?" She looked up and searched her eyes. "I just can't."

Santana looked at her with a frown. She couldn't help but feel like she was a bystander yet again.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"Don't be," Dani said softly. "It doesn't change anything. It's just …. It just is." She started to leave. "You coming?"

Santana shook her head. "I'll... I'll be out in a sec," she whispered leaning back against the sink. "I … um... I'll be right there."

Dani nodded and exited quietly. Santana took a deep breath and stared back at herself in the mirror . It didn't help that she and Quinn got about an hour of sleep. She was exhausted and worn out. They had to leave for school early for a meeting with Coach or was it vice principal Sylvester? Anyway, Sue needed to meet with them. She didn't get to see Rachel at all. She was sleeping when they left. Why was she sleeping so much? Damn it.

"Hey," said a voice behind her. She looked in the mirror and saw Quinn looking at her carefully. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," she muttered. She shook her her. "No, you know what? I'm pissed." She was gaining momentum. "You read that?"

Quinn shrugged up one shoulder. "Yeah, I did." She looked at her pointedly. "Don't lie to me and say that you wouldn't have."

"Quinn, that's-" Santana argued.

"It's true and you can't help but lie and pretend it's not," she looked at her with a frown. "You can't be mad at me. I didn't break your trust."

"You kinda did," she spat back.

"Breaking your trust would be if I took it. But I didn't. I found it. You know you're just mad because you wrote it."

Santana leaned back in shock by the truth of Quinn's words.

"Listen," Quinn said leaning against the sink next to her. "You know more about me than anything. Than anyone. And I never expected or wanted you to share with me everything... Okay maybe I did... but I got over it... but... now that I know... just... I'm sorry that no one was there to fight for you."

"You don't know anything, Quinn," she whispered, more defeated than defensive.

"That's true," she muttered. "Secrets sometimes ruin things. Sometimes they don't matter. Sometimes they mean everything.…." Quinn paused trying to find her point. "It doesn't have to change you."

"Yes, it does," she said tearfully. "It's like the most obvious, biggest piece of me that makes me feel like this... shattered person around all these put together people. "

"Brittany loves you. I love you and your obnoxious ass," Quinn smiled. "You can worry about other people leaving you but you need to stop worrying that we will. If we were going to leave we would have left long ago."

Santana looked at her. "You're terrible at pep talks."

"Well, then stop making me have to give them," she said with a frown. She pulled her backpack tighter on her back. "Me knowing isn't going to change anything just like you knowing about me...didn't change anything, which I am grateful for." Quinn looked Santana directly in the eyes as she put more strength behind her voice, "Now get your shit together, we have to go out to tryouts before coach calls mom again."

Santana nodded quietly and they started out of the room. "Hey," she called stopping Quinn. The blonde looked at her. "Thanks."

Quinn shrugged. "Whatever."

…

Tryouts were as heinously tedious as Santana expected them to be. However, she should have expected an awkward gush of underclassmen girls telling her that they supported her, but she didn't expect it. Not in the least.. She didn't know them and they didn't know her. No support needed. One of the girls who had been on the squad, Chastity Bliss, who Santana was sure was a stripper in another life with a name like that, asked Santana why Santana had chosen Brittany instead of herself. She had to quickly move to the other side of the gym to remove herself from the awkward situation.

Santana felt Brittany's eye on her through most of tryouts. et she couldn't bring herself to look at her. Santana couldn't think about that. She loved Brittany, she did, but in this moment love wasn't enough.

After everything settled and the tryouts were over, Santana spotted her mother waiting at the door to the gym. Quinn was already standing there talking quietly to her. Santana gathered her things as fast as possible while keeping her head down. Suddenly, she felt a familiar hand on her shoulder. Crap, not fast enough, she scolded.

"Can we talk?" Brittany asked quietly suddenly appearing at her side. Throughout tryouts Santana had come up with every reason to be across the gym from the blonde. She couldn't bring herself to look her in the eyes let alone be near her or talk to her. It had worked while tryouts were going on, but now she didn't have an excuse to call her away from Brittany.

"I'm not mad," Santana said quickly without looking at her.

"Really? Because you seem kinda mad," Brittany said.

"Well, I'm not," Santana said still avoiding her eyes.

"Santana," Brittany scolded. "You can't do this. You can't just throw this little hissy whenever you want and shut me out."

"I'm not!" she sighed. "I'm sorry. I just...I want you to know but I don't... I just...I'm sorry. Talk to you later."

Brittany's shoulders sagged. "Kay." Santana began to walk away. Her brother and Mike emerged from the boys side of the locker room and now were talking to Quinn and her mother. Almost there, she thought. "I'm sorry that I dropped it!" Brittany said suddenly from behind her. She stopped mid step and watched as Quinn looked up at them quietly.

Santana turned and looked at the tall blond. Brittany was standing in front of her. The blonde went on. "I didn't mean to drop it. I feel horrible about it!"

She put her hand up stopping Brittany. She shook her head. "That's not... I'm mad about that." She shook her head again. "Well... I am... but... That's not the problem."

Brittany sighed, knowing that Santana having a problem was one thing, but having to yank it out of her was a completely different ball game.

"What if someone picked that up?" Santana blurted suddenly. She shook her head as she bit her lip. She paused wondering if she should have returned it to Brittany at all.

"Santana, I'm sorry," Brittany said sincerely as she took a step towards the brunette.

Santana took a step backwards. "I know you are," she muttered looking at her hands. "It's not that I don't trust you... It's not that at all. It's not even that I don't think you should know. I want you to know all of me." She paused and looked the girl in the eyes. "It's not just me, Britt," she muttered. "It's Noah and Rachel too. No one has ever known any of this stuff outside of my direct family. No one. Ever. I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I just want you to know me... and... you lost it."

"Santana," Brittany said again, trying to understand. "It was an accident. It won't happen again."

"I know..." she whispered. "But can't you see it's not just that?"

"I'm trying here," Brittany replied quietly.

"I know you are," she replied back just as gently. "But it... it feels like I'm being an unreasonable jerk. I know it does but I can't get past it. Too much is wrapped up in this. I don't know. I can't...I just. Talk to you later okay?"

Brittany looked at her with a sad nod. "Okay." She watched as Santana quickly turned on her heel and resumed walking towards her family.

…..

Later that night, Santana stared down at her homework for the countless time. She just wanted to snuggle with Rachel and pretend that the world wasn't happening. It worked when Rachel was little, but it worked less now. Shelby stood up murmuring quietly to the youngest about how she needed to get ready for bed.

"Do you want to stay with me tonight?" Santana asked hopefully, but she attempted to mask it.

Rachel bit her lip as she searched through her memory's conversation with Holly. She wanted to be more grown up. Her family thought she couldn't even sleep on her own. It made her feel like a baby. She didn't want to be a baby anymore.

"I'm okay," she muttered. "I'm going to try to sleep alone."

Santana's eyes darted around the room trying her best not to look disappointed. "Sure," she said with a weak smile. Shelby looked at her thoughtfully but she shook her head, indicating that she was fine. It was going to be another long night.

She knew it wasn't going to be another night for poker because she watched as Shelby gave both Quinn and Rachel their evening medicine. Quinn frowned with worry but took it. Quinn would be sleeping tonight. Her head was still full, and her options of distraction were becoming more limited. Later when the house had become even quieter and her thoughts were becoming louder, she heard Noah rustling around in his room. She forfeited to curiosity and headed down the hallway knocking gently on her brother's door. There was a louder and more furious rustling around in the room for about a minute before the door opened.

"Hey," Santana said with a frown trying to peek into the room.

"Hey," he replied breathlessly. "What's up?"

"What are you up to?" she asked without hesitation trying to look around her brother's frame, but frowning when she was quickly blocked by his tall muscular figure.

"Nothing," he frowned.

"Noah, come on," she pushed. "You can tell me."

"I really can't," he said quickly. He took a moment to look at his sister and frowned. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." She snapped back defensively.

"Okay. Night." Noah murmured swiftly as he shut the door in her face.

Santana gave a loud sigh at the closed door. Her brow furrowed as she walked down the hallway, pausing outside her room as she gazed into Rachel's room. The light on her dresser was still on; she couldn't sleep with it off. Her door was also open. It was not only for Rachel's benefit but for their mother's. It was the closest thing she had before she dug out the baby monitors. Quinn's door was still open slightly too.

Santana paused. If Rachel said she didn't want to stay with her, does that mean that she couldn't stay with Rachel? She went quietly back into her room and changed. She looked at her empty bed. She was exhausted and needed to sleep. She grabbed her father's shirt and crept quietly across the hallway. She silently climbed into Rachel's bed and wrapped her arms around her.

Rachel stirred with a bit of a jump. She opened her eyes and looked at her questioningly with exhausted eyes.

"Please?" Santana begged, barely above a whisper.

The eleven year old nodded and moved into Santana's arms, easing back into sleep without a fight. Santana settled around her grateful that now she could focus her energy on Rachel and not herself.

….

Thursday at school seemed to go just as quickly as it had come. It was another boring day at school. Santana had avoided Brittany like the plague. She had managed to successfully get through the entire day without having to talk to Brittany. She could tell by the look on Brittany's face that she had finally read her story and while the anticipation of waiting to talk to her about everything was killing her, she felt like the actual act of talking about everything would be even harder. Brittany wasn't trying as hard to talk to her. Neither of them were ready. They didn't know where to begin.

So she put it off a day. She walked different paths to class than normal, hid in the bathroom during lunch and even ducked out of view a few times when she saw the tall blonde heading in her direction. She knew it was cruel and immature to do but she couldn't bring herself to face her truths, now that she knew that the blonde held them all in her head too.

After practice she practically ran to her aunt's car. Quinn had some appointment or the other with their mom, so her and Noah had to catch a ride with Joey and the stupid rat dog. As she climbed into the backseat of her aunt's Prius she released a breath and felt her body relax. She officially made it through a day of school without having to talk about her life. She could live with the glares and stares from random people in the hallways and even had almost gotten used to the sudden shoves as people plowed past her with purpose but she couldn't bring herself to deal with talking about herself. Not at school. Not today. She just needed to get through the week. She just needed one more day.

Santana looked at the back of her brother's head as her aunt drove them home. Noah and Joey were talking about something or other that wasn't of any importance as the dumb rat dog drooled all over Santana's lap. She shoved the dog to the other side of the car without breaking eye contact from her brother's head. Noah was acting like he was trying to cover up that he was part of the CIA the past couple of days but was doing a poor job at it. On her way to the bathroom, where she hid out during lunch, she had seen him and Mike whispering at his locker. They both practically had their heads shoved inside the metal box as they quietly talked and pointed at something that was out of Santana's sight. Santana squinted her eyes at Noah's head. She remembered the other night. Why was he looking at an atlas anyway? He wasn't in any geography classes. He was definitely planning a roadtrip and Mike was obviously going with him. She had known that for a while, but she couldn't figure out where he was planning on going, what he was planning on doing or when he was planning on doing whatever it was. All she had learned from her day of dodging Brittany was that Mike was in on it.

She sighed, her head was starting to hurt from all this thinking. She turned her head towards the window and stared out at the scenery that flew by them as they pulled into their neighborhood. They were almost home. All Santana wanted to do was sit next to Rachel and see how her day was. She had heard her aunt say something about their mom and Quinn being busy for an hour or two at wherever they were, but she had missed the reason why. Santana shrugged her shoulders silently. She would make sure to ask Quinn about it when they got home, but in the meantime at least she had Rachel to distract her mind.

They finally arrived at home. She would have Rachel next to her and she would be set. Almost there. Just had to walk into the house.

"Hey," her aunt said blocking her path. "What's up?"

"What's up is that you're standing in my way," Santana said with a frown.

"Sorry, your majesty," Joey replied. "I just wanted to make sure you hadn't turned into a mute or lost your hearing while at school. You didn't say a single thing on the way home nor did you respond to any of my comments or questions. Very unlike you. What's going on?"

"Nothing," Santana said with a frown.

"Is anyone giving you a hard time at school?" Joey asked defensively. "Because I will march down there myself and -"

"I'm fine," Santana repeated again. "It's nothing. I just want to see Rachel."

"Don't think we all haven't noticed how much you've been glued to her lately," Joey said gently.

"Well, she's eleven and she's going through some stuff right now. So excuse me!" Santana fired back.

Joey searched her eyes. "Whatever's going through your head you don't have to face alone."

Santana looked at her. "I appreciate that, but have you ever considered that I might need to?" She sighed heavily. "I know you're here for me, but just let me figure stuff out on my own first. You don't have to coddle me every step of the way."

"Like you're doing with Rachel?" Joey asked.

Santana instantly looked away from her aunt, choosing not to reply as guilt consumed her.

Joey sighed as she reached out and grabbed her niece's hand. "I just want to make sure that you know that you should let someone into your head sooner rather than later. If you are feeling full...don't keep it all in...I'm here to talk. I always am, you know that."

Santana gave a nod as she pulled her hand out of her aunt's grasp. "Kay." She stepped around the older woman and made her way towards the front door.

…..

Quinn looked at her hands. She knew that the car had stopped, but she couldn't conjure the effort to climb out of the car.

"Quinn?" Shelby asked.

"I don't want to go," she said strongly. "I don't want to hear that I was a disappointment and a loser to them. Not again. Not...now." She looked up at Shelby. "I …. I thought I didn't mind hearing it, but I do. I don't want to go in and hear that. She hated me anyway. What's the point? To have Frannie rub it in my face?" She shook her head. "Please, why are you making me do this?"

Shelby looked at her sympathetically. "Quinn, the lawyers cannot read the will without everyone present and you are named in the will. If it is vicious or mean in any way or if Frannie says something to you, I will be there to protect you. You are not going to be alone." Quinn searched her eyes knowing that Shelby would do her best, but that the woman couldn't protect her from the past or prevent the words before they're fired. She sighed. Shelby went on. "Joey is meeting us here as well to help with all the legal stuff."

Quinn looked around and saw that Joey was at the entry to the office building chatting away on her phone. She sighed. "I don't want to do this." She repeated again.

"I promise you that I will try to make this go as quickly as possible but it has to be done. And unfortunately, Quinn as much as you want to forget about this part of your life - forgetting is not an option but I will help you recover from it and work through it but you need to talk to Elyse and work through this - I have been down this hard road with the others and forgetting doesn't work it leads to more issues honey - I know it is hard - really hard but you are a strong strong girl and you will get through this."

Quinn bit her lip. While she was still reluctant she understood that there was no way around it. She climbed out of the car and headed into the building with the two women. She saw Frannie first; her brain didn't even identify her as her sister anymore. She paused, had it ever?

Frannie glared at her. "I hope after today, I never have to see your ugly face anymore."

"Due to the restraining order that's in place," Frannie's lawyer advised. "It would be best if you not say anything."

Frannie glared again at Quinn, but stayed quiet.

The lawyer whose name that Quinn already forgotten was now talking to her. However, Quinn wasn't listening, she was trying to figure out what the man's name was instead. She remembered knowing it at one point. She heard them vaguely talk about how sorry he was that Judy was gone. Then he said something that caused Quinn to pause.

"What?" she asked. The adults looked at her with a frown. "Sorry, what did you just say?"

"I said that your mother came to visit me a week before she died.-" The lawyer explained.

"She's not my mother," Quinn said quietly.

"And who is?" Frannie spit back. Quinn paused and glanced subtly at Shelby. "Oh bullshit! You've brainwashed her!"

"She hasn't," Quinn said with a frown focused on Frannie. "She's the closest thing to a mother that I've ever had."

"That's enough," the lawyer said. "As I was saying, Judy was adamant about the changes." He opened the papers. "Let's get started. The house was in her name only and it was mostly paid off with a small mortgage left on it. It was to be sold in the event of her death with the tiny mortgage to be paid off and the rest of the proceeds should go solely to Quinn Nicole Fabray." The tension crashed in the room. "All contents in the home except the silverware are bequeathed to Quinn Nicole Fabray to do with as she wishes. The silverware is to go to Frances Fabray." Frannie's face was frozen in a state of disbelief. The lawyer continued. "Five thousand dollars of the estate will be awarded to Frances Fabray. The $2 million life insurance policy has a sole beneficiary of Quinn Nicole Fabray. Quinn is to inherit all this on her 18th birthday. Until then it will be put in a trust fund. A minimum of 200k of the $2 million policy should be set aside for her college education."

Quinn frowned. Her parents always believed that it was the girls' obligation to attend an Ivy League school. She repeated the words in her head. What just happened? What was happening? She looked up and refocused. She saw Frannie screaming. She was _actually_ screaming. While it wasn't a new thing for Quinn to witness, she never had seen her sister scream to such a degree without feeling for her own well being.

"My mother was a crazy drunk! She wasn't in her right mind when she made the changes!" Frannie screamed.

The lawyer looked at them squarely. "It is pretty clear and contesting it will not change after the fact."

"This is bullshit!" Frannie screamed grabbing her bag and storming out the door in one quick motion.

Quinn began to cry. Her mother hated her. She frowned deeply. That was a fact. It was something that her mother said all the time. There were times that her mother wouldn't say anything to her for days and drink on the back porch. She would just sit there staring off into space. The nicest thing her mother had ever said to her happened once after Quinn was punished from her father, just once, Judy had said, "You didn't deserve that." That was the only nice thing. She couldn't remember when her mother was nice outside of that instance. She had no recollection of it at all.

Shelby guided her to standing. Joey was talking to the lawyer at the door.

"There's one more thing," the lawyer called out to them. Quinn looked at him, relieved that this piece of information would make more sense to her and give her a reason for her mother's strange behavior. "Judy wants you, Shelby, to take full custody of Quinn. She doesn't want her going to any of the other Fabray relatives. I informed her that because Quinn is now a ward of the state that she didn't have much of a say in it; however, she insisted that I tell you, should something happen."

Quinn frowned as she felt the tears run down her face. None of this was making sense. She shook her head. None of it was making sense at all. Shelby guided her out the door. She looked back at the room. What just happened?

…..

Santana stared at her work. She couldn't concentrate at all. Rachel was watching Quinn and then turning back to Santana for some sort of guidance. Lately all Santana could think about was what had happened to Rachel because of her. She wouldn't allow herself to think about what had happened to her. She had deserved it. That was a fact no matter what her therapists or her mother said. She didn't fight hard enough for Rachel. She couldn't think about her own pain. She didn't want to be a victim. She didn't want that. She couldn't think of herself in that way. People did that enough for her. She didn't want to think about it herself.

"San?"

She looked up and Rachel was staring up at her. "Yeah?" she asked with a small, weak smile.

"What's wrong?"

Her brows shot up and she gave a light laugh. "Nothing."

Everyone else was looking at her. Her aunt, grandmother and mother had been talking quietly for awhile and had now stopped to stare at her.

"I'm fine," Santana said with an embarrassed laugh. She looked at Quinn who was staring at her. She knew that Quinn had a strange meeting that afternoon. Why was everyone looking at her? Shouldn't they be looking at Quinn? Santana shook her head. She needed to get the attention off of herself. "Where's Noah?"

"He and your grandfather are working on his homework in the other room," Helen said. "Rachel, bug, it's getting late for you. Are you finished?"

She gave a tired nod. Shelby told her to head up and get ready for bed. Santana watched her leave quietly. "Mom, I'm tired too," she muttered

Shelby frowned and looked at Santana's work. "Are you finished?"

"Sort of," she muttered handing her work to her mother. Shelby glanced at Santana's assignment sheet from her teacher. "It looks like this stuff isn't due until next week. You're tired?" Santana nodded. "Okay," she said. "You wanna sleep with Rachel again?"

Santana looked slightly embarrassed. She thought she had snuck out before her mother noticed. She gave a quiet nod. Her mother dismissed her and she escaped up the stairs.

Shelby watched her go wondering what was happening in her head. Santana was one that didn't do well with being hounded or coddled. She would ask for help eventually. She hopped. Shelby silently tried to brainstorm about how she could help Santana. She could see that she was gripping onto Rachel like Rachel gripped onto George. It worried her. She wanted to comfort her but she knew that pulling Santana away from Rachel would be more stressful.

Shelby turned to Quinn and sat next to her.

"Please don't ask me if I'm fine," Quinn said before Shelby could open her mouth. "She died and she spent my entire life telling me that she hated me and now... she's left me everything. I'm not grateful, I'm not okay. I'm confused and I need to do my homework."

"Okay," Shelby whispered. "How is school? You seem to have less homework. Particularly in history."

Quinn nodded. "Yeah. We're doing a lot of group projects." The lie rolled off of her tongue quickly and efficiently. How did Shelby notice _everything_?

Shelby nodded accepting Quinn's statement easily causing Quinn to breathe a sigh of relief. At least she could keep skipping history. At least that could be something that remained constant in her life.

…...

Santana twirled Rachel's hair around her finger as the girl slept. The house was now quiet. She herself wasn't ready to sleep. When she closed her eyes, she remembered him. She didn't understand. Why now? She remembered his face... his hands... and how he held the back of her head when he forced her to give him oral sex. She just couldn't close her eyes. It was three o'clock in the morning. It's was only four more hours or so.

Rachel stirred in her arms.

"Pleasenopleaseplease," she whispered into Santana's chest.

"Bug? Rachel, you're okay," she muttered. "Wake up, bug. Wake up."

Rachel jumped awake and looked at Santana with tearful eyes. "You're okay," Santana soothed as she wiped away Rachel's tears. "Want me to go get Mom?"

Rachel shook her head and hugged her sister close. Santana could feel her breathing calm as silence settled on them. She assumed the girl was asleep again until a small voice interrupted the darkness.

"Sanny?"

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Did...h-he hurt you?" Rachel's word felt like a punch in the gut.

"What?"

"Did he...stick things inside of you and say things? And hit you?" Rachel's voice was so innocent.

"What?" Santana shot up in bed bringing Rachel with her into the dark.

"I remember," Rachel whispered. "But not a lot... He used to spank us and put things in us... right?"

Santana felt her breathing growing heavier. "Rachel, I..."

"What happened that day? That day you were in the closet?" Rachel asked gripping onto her knees. "I thought about that day when I was with... when I was with my teacher..." She looked at Santana in the darkness. "I'm confused. What happened?"

Santana looked at her and let out a quivering breath. She couldn't tell her. She just couldn't, but then for some reason she heard her own voice. "That day was the day we were rescued. The day I was in the closet. You were sleeping and he came after me and I fought him off and then he went after you. I tried to ….. I tried to stop him... but... I couldn't... He got on top of you and I tried to stop him again and... and he beat me with his belt and then pushed me into the closet and slammed the door. I put my arm in the doorway to try to get to you but he broke my arm instead..."

She could see Rachel crying and picked her up pulling her into her lap. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

"Rachel, you have nothing to be sorry about. I couldn't get to you. He …. he raped you and you screamed and cried and I … I tried to get to you … and then... and then all of a sudden... you just stopped...You didn't make anymore noise..." She held Rachel tighter. She could feel wetness on her cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

"Mr...Mr... Schuester pinned me over the desk and... put something in me... and I remembered that moment when you were screaming for me...while he..." She shook her head. "It felt like he was stabbing me...but he didn't have a knife."

Santana pulled her closer. "I'm so sorry, bug," she whispered. "I'm sorry we weren't there for you."

"You've always been there for me," Rachel said looking up.

"You're eleven, Rachel," she said shifting so that Rachel was leaning against her and sitting in her lap.

"You're sixteen," she said back. "Don't act like being sixteen means you're a grown up."

"I'm your grown up," Santana said quietly, pulling Rachel close with a tiny sob.

"No, you're not," Rachel whispered tiredly as she held her sister's hand. She looked up at her and cupped her cheek softly. "You're my sister."

Rachel yawned and let Santana's arms wrap around her. Santana felt herself still shaking over what she had said. She shouldn't have told her that. She shouldn't have said any of that.

"Rachel?" she whispered, feeling the tears coming again. She couldn't cry, not with Rachel in her arms. "Rachel?"

The only noise she was met with was a gentle snore. She held Rachel tighter as she slept. She just had to focus on holding her; she couldn't focus on anything else, especially not her words.

Rachel stirred in her arms again and laid back down. Santana followed her, spooning her small body.

"San?" Rachel asked, interrupting Santana's full thoughts.

"Yeah?" she asked shakily.

"You saved me. You always did," she said with another yawn.

"No, I didn't, bug," she muttered.

"You did," Rachel said turning and tucking her hands under her head. "When I was at the school and he was on top of me you talked to me." Santana frowned. "Go for the eyes, you told me. Remember? So I did. I fought back, Sanny."

Santana frowned. She couldn't hear Rachel's words. She shouldn't have had to fight back in the first place. Santana was outside that same school when this happened. She was outside when her sister had to fight to save herself.

…...

The next morning she could barely stay awake. She hadn't been able to sleep. All she heard was Rachel's voice echoing in her head. She frowned as she watched Noah load his bag into the the car for his weekend with Mike. She kissed Rachel lightly on the head.

"I'll see you later, bug," she said carefully making sure to glare at Holly on her way out of the front door..

She looked at Quinn who was still aloof and quiet. She walked out ahead of her and towards her brother.

"You're not fooling anyone," she hissed into his ear. "I'm going to figure it out."

He scoffed. "What are you doing?" he asked. "I'm having a guys night with Chang because you women and all your eskimos-"

"Estrogen," Santana corrected.

"Whatever," he said. "Just back off Santana. You're making up crap because you're going through something and you're pretending that you're not. So you're making my life miserable instead."

She stared at him and shook her head and shoved him. "You're being such a jerk right now. You're being selfish. Knock it off!"

"I'm a lot of things, San, but I'm not selfish," he hissed. Noah spotted his mother and Quinn coming out of the house.

"What's going on?" Shelby asked as Quinn climbed into the car.

"Nothing," Noah said. "Nothing at all."

Santana shook her head and glared at him as she climbed into the car. "Forget it."

…..

Santana was avoiding Brittany again. She could feel Brittany's eyes on her. She had been a jerk to the blond, but her guilt wasn't invoking her to move into action. She couldn't concentrate on that. She needed to think about something else.

Noah received a letter from New York, she thought. A letter from New York after his eighteenth birthday. She drew in her book. 18...18...18...18...She remembered sitting in her aunt's office countless times at her law firm. Damn it! Suddenly it all became clear. How could she have been so stupid? The bell rang and she shot up from her seat, hoping to move fast enough that Brittany couldn't catch her. She failed.

"Hey," Brittany said catching her arm. "Can you stop being a jerk for a second?"

Santana sighed and nodded. "Sorry."

"I … I know that I don't know how hard this is for you but it's hard for me too," she said quietly.

Santana searched Brittany's eyes. She wanted to hear more from the blonde, she did, but now wasn't the right time. "I know, but I have to go and find my brother before he does something stupid," she said with a frown.

Brittany sighed and turned to a passing jock. "Hey, where's Corcoran?"

The jock shrugged. "He headed out with Chang a second ago."

"Headed out to second period?" Brittany asked with annoyance.

She heard footsteps behind her. She turned and saw that Santana was running toward the parking lot. She chased after her. Damn it. She went out to the parking lot and Santana had her hands on her head in panic as she watched Mike Chang's car turn onto the main road.

"FUCK!" she screamed throwing her bag on the ground.

"What's going on?" Brittany asked breathlessly. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Do you have your car?" Santana asked desperately. "I need to follow him."

"San, what's going on?" she asked gently.

"Please, Brit," she begged pulling away. "I need to go after him. I need to go after him now."

Brittany searched her eyes, remembering the story. "Okay," she muttered. "Okay."

They climbed into the car. "Will you tell me what's going on?"

"My brother is being an idiot," she hissed.

"Well, that's not new," Brittany said as they pulled away from the school.

Santana stared back at the school, she took a deep breath in attempt to calm her nerves. "Will Quinn be okay? Can you text one of the girls and ask them to watch her?"

Brittany handed her the phone. "You can do it."

She watched as Santana silently texted and then pushed back and looked out the window.

"Santana, where am I going?"

"They're getting on the highway," she said. "Eastbound." They pulled onto the main street and watched the tail end of the Mike's car disappear. "There! There! See it!?"

Brittany nodded and watched her from the corner of her eye. She was worried. She was concerned. She was scared. "Santana, what's going on?"

Santana looked out the window at the car and then back at Brittany.

"My brother turned 18," she muttered.

"Okay," Brittany said quietly.

"When he turned 18, he became an adult," she whispered. Brittany frowned, not understanding. "When he became an adult it became legally permitted that that bastard could contact him."

Brittany squeezed her eyes shut. She understood.

"We'll get him, San," she muttered. She looked at her with a smile. "We'll get him." She pressed her foot down on the gas pedal with a little more strength.

…..

Noah looked into the rear view mirror.

"Jesus Christ," he muttered.

"What?" Mike asked from his passenger seat looking over his shoulder.

"It's my sister," he mumbled as he glanced down at his cellphone. She was calling. He gave a heavy sigh and pulled over into a rest stop area. He wasn't going to have his little sister get hit on the highway. She needed a place to pace.

She climbed out of the car looking pissed as hell. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" she screamed.

"Go home," he said solemnly.

"No!" she said. "What the hell do you think this is going to accomplish!?"

He leaned back on his heels. He knew she knew. "San, go home!"

"Don't act like you're a man, Noah! You're not a man!" she screamed. She flung her arm. "Going there and talking to him, won't help you! It won't help any of us!"

"Shut up, Santana," he said. "Go home."

"No," she said as she quickly walked up to him. She now stood a foot away from him as she looked him directly in the eyes. "You can't see him. I know that you think that talking to him will make you feel better but-"

"Santana," he said more gently. "Get in the car and go back to school. I need to do this."

"Why?" she said tearfully. "He ruined our lives. Just let it go."

"Like you have?" he asked.

"Noah! Rachel asks me what happened all the time. I don't need … I can't... you can't see him."

She was breathing more rapidly. Noah engulfed her in a hug. "Santana, go home," he whispered again. "Go home." He held her close. "Go home." Noah walked over to the car and motioned to Brittany. "Take her home."

"No," Santana sobbed. Noah pulled her away and Santana let out a sob. "No, Noah! Please don't do this! Please!"

"Take her home," he said again.

Noah pulled himself away and started to walk toward the car. He climbed into the car. Santana chased after the car. "Noah! Please!"

Brittany held Santana back just so that she didn't get hit by other cars in the rest area's parking lot.

"Noah! Noah!" Brittany called.

"Go," Noah said looking at Mike.

The boy hesitated but started up the car. They started to drive away. "Are you sure, man?" Mike asked as they pulled back onto the highway.

Noah steeled his gaze. "I am more sure now that I've seen her reaction. He needs to never get a hold of any of my sisters. Ever again." He looked straight in front of him. "We're going. Drive."

**I know you all hate cliffhangers, but it's been a long enough wait that I wanted to get this up. Hopefully the wait won't be as long this time. **


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 51

**Thank you thank you! I want to thank Lovecanbesostrange for allowing me to use one of her brilliant idea for these characters. I also want to thank amandaes417 and pcall006 for your feedback! Thank you! Thanks as always to my two awesome betas! I appreciate it so so much. I would be lost without you and you know it. **

**A/N: I know I sound like a broken record, but I'm so sorry for the delay. **

**Please read this chapter with caution. There is at least one intense dream sequence that can be very hard to read. **

Guest - I try to update consistently. I was updating every week and then it was more like every 2 weeks and now it has been a little longer because I have a new work schedule and I moved but I hope to get back to more like every 10 days. Thanks for the review.

Lexie-Rae – Thank you so much! I can't believe I am at 50 chapters either! I am there because of you and each one of my reviewers and I will be forever grateful to all of you for allowing me to share my story. Your words humble me and I thank you so much.

fbedit – Thank you so much for finding the story and taking only 5 days to read it. I am honored. I thank you for your review and your kind words. I strive to keep the characters as true to the story as possible.

lovecanbesostrange – Never apologize for not reviewing. I am grateful for everyone that does - they mean so much to me and they keep pushing my writing and making me want to post nothing but my very best. I am so glad that you are still reading and enjoying the story. That makes me so happy - you have no idea. Thank you for taking the time to post the review and telling me your thoughts on the chapter - I really do love it.

Iuterpi – Thankfully it was Quinn that found the note. It might have been disastrous. Quinn now knows what happened but it didn't change the way Quinn thinks about her new sisters and brother. It basically just solidified that they are all truly in this fight together forever. Noah never wants his sisters contacted by this monster so he felt he had to make the trip but you will see more of Santana's reaction in this chapter and why she has reacted like this. Quinn's head is all over the place. She knows that she is loved and in this new family forever but it is a whole lot of change in less than a year so she doesn't really know what she is doing right now. The family may go back to singing but it is a little way down the road. You shall see. Thank you for your review and sticking with the story.

Scout88 –Reading this in 4 days - wow that is dedication! Thank you so much for you very detailed review. When I see reviews like yours I am so overwhelmed. You are so kind and thoughtful to share your thoughts with me and make me see that when I write something it truly is taken the way that I meant it to be taken. I try to update every 10 or so days but as you can see this chapter has taken a little longer than expected. I am still working on my new schedule so thank you for being patient. Again I am humbled by your words and I am so glad you are enjoying the story.

Lolathe17th – Thank you for your continued reading. Will is in jail however, you will see he is still doing damage from inside. It will take some time for all of them to feel relief even though he is in jail. Noah is a great son and brother, sometimes though his methods of doing things are not the best. You will see what happens to Santana – she does not lie to Shelby though. Yes Sue is fierce and while she is tough and a little crazy she is an ally to the Corcoran family. Never apologize for a long comment – keep them coming. Thanks for the review.

broadwaybound2016 – I am sorry I always try to get these updates out sooner than they are coming out lately. It's not because I don't want to post – life has just gotten in the way a little more lately. But thanks for sticking with the story and thanks for the review.

dolphinluver46 – Rachel and Holly will take a couple of field trips. You will see what happens to Noah in this chapter. Thanks for the review.

look4me – I feel like I am taking forever to update the chapters but I really like and try and keep the chapters around 15k- 20K words. As much as I would have liked Quinn to go a little more skank – Shelby is her mom now and there is only so much that mom Shelby is going to let her get away with. Judy did leave the money to Quinn because deep down Judy knew what kind of parent she was to Quinn. Right now it just confuses Quinn too much. Thank you for the review and loving the last chapter, I hope you find this chapter just as "epic".

Gleefanficfan – Sorry for the delay – You can beg but I try as hard as I can to get these chapters out as quick as possible. Trust me I do not hold back at all. Thank you for the review.

thelastcenturian – Sorry to make you wait. Thank you for the review. love your stories as always keep it up :)

Renata – The will was a surprise for everyone. Quinn is just so confused over it and it will cause her some emotional turmoil that she will have to work through. Noah is going to see Hiram not Leroy – Hiram is the monster but the question is will he get to see him. Rachel is not really ready for friends – you see how hard it is for Santana and Quinn it would be just as hard for Rachel to have friends right now and while it is nice to play and forget she has to grow a little more and feel safer before trying that again. Rachel is sleepy because of a lot of reasons. She is still recovering from major surgery, she is underweight, she is on medication, she does not sleep through the night so she is sleepy but it is not a good sleep. Thank you so much as always for your reviews.

Kimberlli – Quinn reaction will take some time to really play out. It is overwhelming for her. Noah unfortunately can't and won't get the closure he is looking for. Please remember that Hiram is a pedophile that has been sentenced to a long prison sentence so his visitors are limited. Thanks for the review.

BMontague – Hiram is a known child molester – so he is basically kept in solitary confinement. With Sue as vice principal and Shelby as her mom – Quinn's truancy won't go far but she will push it. Gus will find his way back to Shelby I promise. Thanks for the review.

alopez208 – Holly is good for Rachel and will continue to push her. It was very fortunate that Quinn picked up the note. It will only solidify her relationship with Santana without Santana actually having to ever speak the words to her. Never apologize for the length of your review I love them – no matter how long or how short. Thank you for your patience. I try so hard to stick to my weekly schedule but it has really been pushed to two weeks lately. Thanks again for reviewing.

A C one – I am sorry about the semi-cliffhanger. Shelby is going to have a lot of different reactions to Noah's trip – but it is something that he felt he had to do. Thanks for reviewing.

Drea LuRuiz – Holly will continue to help Rachel in her wacky way. Sorry for the cliffhanger. Thanks for the review.

raelynne9 – OK? thank you?

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for the review and the cookies. I love them both.

Filmaddict – I am glad you are still reading but why are you saying I lost readers? I am sad hearing that but I guess it happens. I am thankful for all my readers. Quinn has a lot of soul searching but with the right people around her she will get there. Thanks for reviewing.

OTHangels – Thank you

Fangirl44 – Frannie's childhood was similar to Quinn's in which she had cold parents but she was not abused by her parents – she may have been spanked but she was not sexually assaulted and she felt more love than Quinn ever did. However, I would not say it was a happy childhood for her either. Thanks for the review.

marinka4 – Noah will be in lots of trouble when Shelby gets a hold of him. Thanks for the review.

Ryoko05 – Thank you Thank you !

littleredwritinggleek – I am sorry for the tears. Sorry for the cliffhanger too. Thank you so much for the congrats. I could not have done it without all of my readers and reviewers so thank you so much!

Edilsdnal – I promise to limit the cliffhangers. And to be honest I really really try to not do them but sometimes its just where I have to end the chapter. Thanks for the review.

hersheysforever – I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for the review.

TommyH – As always thank you!

* * *

><p>Brittany stared at Santana. She was now sitting in the passenger seat with her head bowed. She hadn't stopped crying since Noah and Mike had left. Her eyes were glazed over; she was just staring at the ground, numb to the world around her.<p>

"Santana?" Brittany called for what seemed like the millionth time. "Santana?"

Brittany couldn't know that Santana was so deep in her head that she couldn't hear her. She was thinking about what happened not only in this moment but every moment for the last nine years.

"Santana?"

The sixteen year old brunette let out a sob. She couldn't do this. She couldn't let him do this. But why then was she paralyzed to this spot? She let out another sob as every memory that she had attempted to forget rushed back to her in vivid detail.

"Santana?" Brittany called again.

The brunette only let out another sob and bowed her head a little lower.

"_Santana?" _

_Seven year old Santana looked up with a tear stained face. Her baby sister was looking at her with a frown. Noah was holding her hand. _

"_Sanny?" Rachel asked around her pacifier, which she was holding with her teeth on the side of her mouth. _

"_What's wrong?" Noah asked looking at her. _

"_Nothin," Santana said fiercely wiping her tears. She couldn't tell them that she was looking through one of the few storybooks that they had brought. She had remembered her dad reading to her and the simple memory made her cry. She missed him so much and he was gone and everything had been ruined because of it. She was brought back to the present as Rachel crawled into her lap and wiped her tears. However, the movement only caused her to cry harder. They should be out doing fun things. They should be playing on the playground. Santana felt another lump in her throat. They should be with their mother. She cried. Where was her mother?_

_She felt Rachel tense in her arms and she looked up. Hiram was glaring at them from the far end of the hallway. They need to learn to close the door, she thought to herself. Santana still felt the tears on her cheeks but could only stare at him. She couldn't get the courage to even wipe her face._

"_What the hell is wrong with you?" he hissed. _

_She saw Noah walk in front of her. "She's fine." _

"_You think you're such a big man, don't you?" he hissed as he stomped down the hallway. Hiram combed his hand through his hair and glared at the girls. Santana felt Rachel lean back further against her as Hiram nudged his foot at them where they were sitting on the floor. "Look at me!" _

_Santana and Rachel both looked up. He yanked Rachel's pacifier away and threw it across the room. _

"_You don't need that!" he spat as he turned back to the girls. "You're fine," he hissed. He pulled Santana's chin up higher with his chin. "I'll give you something to cry about if you want to cry!" _

"_I'm fine," she said quickly. _

_He narrowed his eyes. "You miss your father, cunt?" He threw her face back down and stood up straighter. "Well you shouldn't. He was a bastard. He wasn't worth all the hype." He swaggered with a slur. "Your father was nothing. You're nothing." _

_Santana looked at him with a steeled gaze. "He wasn't nothing!" _

"_Oh, getting feisty," he said with a laugh. He narrowed his eyes. "Crying over him won't bring him back!" _

"_I know that," she said strongly, _

"_Not if you're crying about it! You obviously don't!" he screamed. _

_Santana felt Rachel lean back into her again. She wrapped her arms more tightly around her. _

"_Your father didn't love you. He hated you." He narrowed his eyes and leaned over close to the kids. Noah stepped closer to them instinctively. "Say it. Say he hated you." _

_Santana didn't break her gaze from the man but she heard and saw Noah from the corner of her eye move even closer to her and Rachel's face. Rachel squirmed closer to her. _

"_SAY IT!" he screamed, he raised his arm back so that the back of his hand looked as if it swung down to hit Santana and Rachel. _

"_HE 'ATED YOU!" Rachel sobbed. _

"_Stupid cunt!" he yelled louder, raising his arm higher._

"_He hated us," Noah said as he pulled his body closer, practically on top of the girls. _

_Hiram arched his brow and looked at Santana. "Say it," he said with a challenging tone._

_Santana bit her lip. "He hated us," she muttered. _

"_Like you mean it," he continued to taunt._

_She looked at him with a deep hatred in her heart. "He hated us," she said with more fortitude. _

"_You the most though," Hiram said as he straightened and took a step back. "Say that. You'll remember this, Santana." _

_Santana bit her lip and swallowed the lump in her throat but she couldn't blink back her tears. "He hated me the most." _

_Hiram chuckled. "I know," he said casually. "He told me all the time." He turned away from them. "I'll give you something to cry about, Santana if you start crying. Rachel, I'll be back for your diaper change soon. Whatever filth is in there now you can sit in for a bit." _

_He shrugged and strutted down the hallway and they heard the front door slam and lock. Santana couldn't look at her brother and sister. She could only stare at the ground. _

…_..._

Brittany sighed. She had called out Santana's name more than she could count. She couldn't get her attention. It was like the girl she loved was somewhere else. Should she hug her? Should she even touch her? What should she do? She's sixteen! She felt so out of her element here. Neither of them were old enough to deal with this. She quickly pulled her phone out.

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Corcoran?"

"Brittany?"

The blond could hear the frown from the mother. "I … I … Santana needs your help."

"What happened at school? Sue hasn't called me. Are you alright?"

Brittany heard the woman's heels as she walked briskly into another room. Rachel was probably in hearing range. She cursed herself; Rachel didn't need more stress. Neither did Santana, she reminded herself.

"We're not at school," she said quietly.

There was a pause on the other end. "Where are you?"

"... At the rest stop... off of the highway..." she said darting her eyes over to Santana who had yet to respond.

"Are they both with you? What happened?"

"What? No, Quinn's at school. We um... we went after Noah."

"What?" Shelby asked without hesitation. "What do you mean went after him?"

"He um... he and Mike are on their way to New York. Santana figured it out... and we followed and ….. " She paused. "They fought and he drove off anyway... and …. and now …..." She looked over at Santana.

"Brittany!" the mother called from the other end. "What's going on with Santana?"

"Nothing. Nothing is going on with her. She literally isn't responding to me. I've tried...I've tried to call her name...She just...she just is crying. I've...I've never seen her like this before." She paused. Santana still wasn't responding. "I don't know what to do. What do I do?"

"Stay right where you are. Are you in a parking space? Off of the road? Are your seat belts buckled? Are you driving while you're talking?" Shelby asked in panic. Brittany could hear Michael or Bear talking in the background.

"We're not driving. We're in a parking space at the rest stop... um... we're unbuckled," Brittany said with a frown.

"Stay right there. We'll be there to pick you up in twenty minutes. Stay on the phone with me," Shelby ordered. "Try giving the phone to Santana."

Brittany held the phone out to Santana. "Santana? Your mom's on the phone. She's on her way. Santana?" The blonde took the phone back. "She didn't .. she didn't do anything. What's wrong with her?"

"Brittany, do you have a blanket?" Shelby asked. she could her a car starting up in the background.

The blond looked behind her. "Yeah..."

"Just drape that over her and stay on the line with me, okay?" Shelby said calmly. Brittany frowned. It was fall but it wasn't very cold outside. "I think she might be in shock. She needs to keep warm."

Brittany followed her directions and nodded. "Okay..."

"You're doing awesome, sweetheart. Tell me what happened, Britt," she said calmly.

Brittany took a deep breath and tried to recount as much as she could remember. As she rehashed the story, she began to worry that she put too much pressure on Santana. She always tried to treat her the same, as the girl she knew. Not just the idea of this girl. She didn't want to be on the long list of people who had failed her, but she didn't know how to make it better. She remembered reading the story and because of it she realized she didn't need the information in it. She loved her just the same. She already knew that Santana was strong. She didn't need to know why.

"Brittany."

She looked up and Shelby was climbing out of the car.

"You okay?" Shelby asked looking at Brittany as she crossed in front of the car. The blond exited the car and nodded as she she watched Shelby make her way toward the still silent girl.

She watched as with special tenderness that only Shelby Corcoran could offer, she opened Santana's door and leaned down slowly.

"Sanny?" she said gently. "Honey?"

Santana continued to be unresponsive. Shelby reached out and pulled the girl's gaze up to meet her own. Once their eyes made contact, Santana let out a shuddering breath and wrapped her arms around her mother. Brittany could hear her sobs and see her back rise and fall through the windshield. There was so much separating them right now. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Santana's grandfather standing there.

"Thanks for helping with this-" he began.

"Don't try to convince me not to stay. Don't treat me like an outsider," she said still staring at Santana's sobbing form. "I'm in this."

"I didn't say that you weren't." The man looked at her quietly. He paused and searched her face before he continued. "It's just a lot to take in."

"I know that," Brittany said. "But I'm not leaving her. Even though you are her family. She's... She's the one thing that I can't imagine giving up. I know... I know that ….. I know that loving a girl might be new to you but we're not just best friends... and loves - but that sounds so cliche, but whatever-She's like my arm!" Brittany frowned at her outburst, but recovered. "She needs you now. She does... but I need her too... and... I'll stand back...I'll even...stand far away... but... I'll still stand with her and I -"

"Brittany," Michael said softly. "I get it. What you two have is special. I admire and am so inspired by your relationship. You two are just so afraid of doing wrong by each other that you miss all that you do right. You're right by her. As someone who also stands with but not next to … I get it."

The young blonde nodded. "You must think I'm this crazy, doe-eyed-"

"I think you're pretty great," Michael said gently.

….

Shelby felt her daughter's body in her arms. She had known her daughter better than either of them wanted to admit. She knew that it was coming. It was like a storm whose clouds were on the horizon but she didn't know how to stop it. Santana did worse with people badgering her; she acted more compulsively. Shelby knew that Quinn entering into their lives wasn't the tipping point as much as it was feeling helpless about Quinn and everything else. Santana needed to feel needed. She always had. She needed to feel needed or else she would go to that place in her mind that was still stuck back in that awful room in the brownstone apartment. Shelby had tried to talk to her as best she could when things were tough and get her to open up, but there was only so much she could do to push Santana. It was her fault that she didn't know about the boys. She knew that. Santana hid it; she followed the rules, for the most part, and hid it on purpose. It was a recklessness that Shelby hated herself for not looking for. She made a mental note to watch more for that from her children from now on.

Shelby had a feeling this breakdown was coming. She didn't want to be right. She didn't want there ever to be another point. Her daughter had reached bottom too many times. While Noah felt bursts of emotion, Rachel was usually transparent and wore her emotions (or at least she used to.) Santana would let it build and build until she exploded. She pulled Santana tighter into her chest as she felt her shirt become damp from her daughter's tears and cries. Noah sparked this. She looked behind her and handed her phone to her father.

"Call Noah," she said quietly.

She continued to rub Santana's back. She needed to get it together. She needed to hold them together.

"Taz?" she whispered as she pulled her closer. They were now awkwardly sitting in the passenger seat together. She held Santana and the girl shifted so that she was squeezed half on the center console and half on the seat. She leaned onto her mother's shoulder as Shelby kissed her softly on the forehead. Her heavy sobs had finally subsided.

"I just let him go, Mumma," she whispered. "I tried... I tried.. but he... he just left."

Shelby looked up and saw that Michael was still on the phone shaking his head.

"Okay," she said softly. "Your brother is on his way..."

"To New York," she shrugged, not seeing her mother's face fall. "He's just... I don't know... it was a letter... It's because he's eighteen... I think it was him who contacted him … I told him no... and he just hugged me and told me to get back in the car... and..." Her eyes began to tear up again. "I …. I can't... I don't know what to do, Mom," she said with tears running down her cheeks. "I don't understand. I just... I don't understand." she shook her head and looked up at her mother. "Why did he want to go see him? … I .. I don't understand." She straightened. "You're going to stop him right? You're going to stop him."

Shelby reached over and wiped her daughter's tears. "I'm going to go after him, yes."

"Can you stop him?" Santana asked.

She searched her daughter's eyes; they wouldn't stop crying. "He's eighteen. And even though, to me he's not an adult, to the police and everyone else he is. I'll fix this. He'll be okay." She paused, even though her heart was racing about the possibility of her son seeing that bastard again. "I'm so sorry, San."

"Why?" she said crying again. "I'm ruining everything...I … I can't handle anything... I … can't do any of this... I -"

"You are doing a fantastic job," Shelby said.

"You're bias. You're my mother," she said. "If I robbed a bank, you would support me."

"Well," Shelby said with a slight frown. "That's not completely true..."

"You did though," Santana interrupted.

"You robbed a bank?" she asked with an arch of her eyebrow.

"We stole all of that candy. And planned a getaway car," Santana said.

"First of all... It was Rachel's Little Tike Car-

"The red one with the yellow roof," Santana said wiping her tears.

"Toddler cars don't really count as getaway cars," Shelby clarified. She smiled softly. "Santana, you and Noah were in a lot of trouble for that. I didn't let you get away with it. -"

"But you told off that stupid woman and .. you fight for us and..."

"Santana, I'll always support you," Shelby said, still not getting what her daughter was saying.

"That's what I'm trying to explain," She said heavily. "We could do the world's dumbest stuff and you still support us even when you shouldn't."

"Well, I'm sorry sweetie," Shelby said softly. "But that's my job."

Santana frowned and lowered her gaze again glancing up and looking for the briefest moment at Brittany. She shook her head. "I need you to be mad at me for letting him go. I need you to be mad at me for letting everything happen the way it happened." She let out a sob. "I was outside on the field...I was in the closet.. I was-"

Shelby cupped her face. "I love you, Santana. You need to stop blaming yourself, honey, because I promise you, you're the only one in this world that blames you. And I hate that."

"You don't understand," she said with a sob.

"I do," Shelby said. She looked at her with a strong gaze. "I do! I get it. I blame myself everyday for what happened to the three of you... To Quinn too. Everything that I didn't see. Everything that I missed and what happened because I missed it... Because I wasn't there." Santana paused and watched her with tearful eyes. "I …. I …. I think about it everyday. I … I...break a little inside. I get how you feel."

Santana nodded. "That's how I feel. That is it exactly." Santana said as tears flowed down her cheeks. "What do you do?"

"I … I wake up," Shelby said quietly. "I realize that I do feel guilty but that won't help me... it won't help you. It doesn't me. It won't help Rachel sleep through the night. It won't help your brother not hit people and it won't help you forgive yourself. I … I can't change anything that happened as much as I wish I could..." She looked at her daughter. "Guilt it just... it's an ugly cycle. It doesn't help-"

"It's not supposed to help anybody," Santana said quietly. "It just is. It's there."

"That is true," she said said gently. "It is just there, but it can get bigger. We'll work on it. We have been working on it for years. And... you are incredible, but I promise you won't feel this way forever."

Santana bowed her head. "Mumma, can we go home? I want to see Rachel. You have to go after Noah and …" She looked up and stopped talking once she saw Brittany. "Um... Yeah... Please..."

Shelby followed her gaze. "Sweetheart, do you want Brittany to stay with you at the house for a little bit?"

She bit her lip and watched the blond whose arms were tightly folded in front of her. "It wasn't her idea. It was mine. She can't get into trouble. Okay?"

"She won't," Shelby said gently. "She's worried about you. She's not worried about anything else."

"She should be..." She muttered. "She's not."

"If she wants to stay, do you want to talk to her?"

Santana didn't respond verbally, but nodded. They finally climbed out of the car. Shelby decided that Santana and Brittany would follow Michael and herself back to the house. Shelby wanted to give the girls time alone but she wanted them to follow her so she could control their speed and arrival.

"We'll see you at the house, okay?" Shelby asked. "If you need anything, have Brittany pull over."

"I'll be fine," Santana said glancing up again at Brittany. She looked back at her mom. "Were you home... when … When Brittany called?" Shelby nodded, unsure about the question. "So Rachel was there when you ran out of the house?"

Shelby sighed and looked down at her. "She's fine. She's going to be okay." She leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. "You ready to go home? We can wait here as long as you need."

"I'm ready," she muttered.

Brittany approached the car and climbed in silently. Santana reached back and buckled her seatbelt as her eyes darted around the car to look at anything but Brittany. The blonde remained silent too as she buckled her seatbelt and started the car.

Santana reached out and put her hand on her forearm. The blonde paused and looked at her slowly. "You okay?"

"I'm sorry," Santana whispered.

"Santana," she started putting her hand over Santana's. "Please don't be sorry."

"I lost it," she whispered. "Why are you still here? Why do you still..."

Brittany smiled and captured her lips softly as she cupped her cheek, silencing her. Santana eased in and kissed her back. She pulled away slightly and rested her forehead on hers.

"It wouldn't feel right to leave you when you needed a kiss the most," she said with a smile.

Santana smiled. "I've been a jerk."

Brittany laughed. "Yeah, it's not one of your more endeared qualities." She let her smiled fade and she looked at her. "I'm here for you just like you've always been here for me." Santana looked at her with a frown. "I haven't had things as big as what has happened in your life, but... you have been there for me. Just do me a favor and stop questioning it for a second and remember that I'm here."

Santana leaned over and kissed her again. "I'm sorry." She let her lips rest barely on Brittany's.

"I know. I forgive you."

She leaned back in the seat with her hand resting on hers. She turned the key and they began to drive forward.

…

Rachel waited eagerly at the window. She knew something was wrong and she didn't care about her work. She had said those exact words to Holly, preparing for a fight, but Holly simply nodded and told her that she would wait with her. The street was quiet in general,but every time Rachel thought she heard a car pull down the street she felt a flutter in her chest of panic mixed with relief. Every time she was shot down. It wasn't them.

She was shaking in anticipation. Her Nana came in to try to comfort her but it didn't work. Joey came in too but her attempt at kind words didn't help either. She let out a small squeal when she felt someone begin rubbing her back, but looked up and saw that it was her uncle.

"They're okay," he whispered, sitting next to her on the window seat. She leaned against him and he pulled her into his lap. "I promise they're okay. San is coming back right now."

"Just San?" she asked looking up at him.

He nodded softly. "I promise that everything will be explained to us. Okay?"

"She's okay?" Rachel muttered. "What about Quinn and Noah?"

Bear sighed. "Your aunt is calling the school now and Noah is-"

A car pulling into the driveway interrupted him. Rachel's gaze snapped to the front of the house. Santana was in the front of Brittany's car behind their mother's Land Rover. Rachel scrambled off of her uncle's lap and ran to the door. She saw Santana's head was bowed as Brittany was looking at her from the driver's seat, but she only saw it briefly as she sprinted toward the car. Brittany pointed at her and Santana looked up getting out of the car and reaching down to get her.

"What's wrong? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Santana picked her up and stood on the front lawn with the eleven year old in her arms, the heels of her her polka dotted flats feet dangling off of her feet. Rachel continued to cry softly and ask with a panicked, shaking voice, "What happened? Are you hurt? What's going on?"

Shelby climbed out of the car and watched her girls carefully. Santana's eyes were squeezed shut and her brow was knitted. Her saddened face looked so much older. Rachel pulled away slightly to wipe away tears that Santana hadn't realized she had shed. She smiled at her younger sister's actions and held her around the waste.

"Are you okay? What happened?" she asked again.

Santana looked back at her mother and then back down at Rachel. She was too shocked for words. When she started thinking about the events she began to tear up again. Rachel saw this and looked around frantically. "What's wrong?"

Brittany came behind them and encouraged the older girl to set Rachel down and the distant teen complied.

"Britt," Rachel asked with a confused frown. "What's wrong?"

The blonde looked at Rachel with pause and then looked quickly back at Santana, unsure if she could answer Rachel honestly and be the rock that her girlfriend needed. She hesitated but opened her mouth to respond.

"Let's get inside," Santana said suddenly. "Come on, bug," she whispered taking her hand. Rachel nodded and followed her, but after a couple of steps, Santana stopped and turned back toward Brittany who was still rooted in the same place next to where Santana had been previously standing. The older brunette held out her hand. "Will you come inside with us?" she asked quietly.

Brittany gave a tiny smile. "Of course."

…..

Quinn leaned against the back of the window sill. She was sketching silently in the notebook that Elyse had given her. Perhaps she should have been in history but her concern about the situation didn't invoke enough motivation to return.

"What are you drawing over there, Monet?" Dylan asked from the other window sill.

Quinn looked at Dylan with a frown. "He was a painter."

"Whatever," Dylan shrugged. "What are you doing?"

"Just sketching," she said returning to her drawing.

"Can I see?" Dylan asked hopping down and looking over her shoulder.

"I guess," she muttered.

"That's pretty good. A lamb?" she asked.

She closed her notebook. "Forget it."

"Clearly means a lot to you," she said returning to her own sill. "Have you ever thought about getting a tattoo?"

Quinn looked around. "Where did that come from?"

"My sister just opened a tattoo parlor," she said.

"I wouldn't really open with that," Quinn frowned.

"She's been doing it for years, but this is her own place with her partner," she shrugged.

Quinn frowned and looked down at her notebook.

Dylan continued. "At least you should show her your designs. She might pay you for some of them. Your lamb is pretty awesome. It's classic but not too much. It has it's own flare." She frowned. "If it's something important to you, do you have a date to go with it?"

One immediately popped into Quinn's mind, but she tried to remain coy. "Why?"

"Because you can put a date on it," she said quietly. "It can mean more."

Quinn thought for a moment. She had never really thought about getting a tattoo but now in this moment she wasn't against it. She frowned. She knew immediately where she would put it. She wanted it to be small on her hip. She wanted to remember this moment in her life. She wasn't sure she would forget, but just in case.

"How much would it be?"

Dylan laughed. "You're an easy sell."

Quinn shook her head. "I'm not sure when I would have time but..." She shrugged. "I'll think about it. Do you have a phone?"

"No, I use the squirrels for communication," Dylan replied snarkily. She jotted down her number and handed it to Quinn.

The blonde looked at the number. She gave a little laugh to herself. "I don't have any money..." she trailed off before the events from the lawyers office flood back to her mind. "Well, I do now," she muttered. "... but not really...I just..."

"Well, we could probably trade. I have to ask my sister, but they're always looking for new artists. She'll be around tomorrow if you want to come over. Just give me a call."

The door suddenly slammed open. "Quinn!"

The girls looked up. "Coach?"

"This is not history," she hissed. She glared at Dylan. "Who are you?" The girl opened her mouth to speak. "I don't care. Get out! Go to class! Quinn let's go!"

She marched out of the room leaving Quinn barely any time to collect her things.

"What's wrong?" she asked as she walked hurriedly down the hallway.

"Your aunt is coming to pick you up," she said shortly.

"Just me?" she asked as she followed.

"Noah and Santana are gone. Things happened and when we needed to find you, you were nowhere to be found." Sue closed the door to her office. "She's going to come in here to get you."

"What's going on? Are they okay? Is it Rachel?" Quinn asked with a frown.

Sue shrugged heavily. "I don't know why she is picking you up. I was told to retrieve you from class and bring you to my office to wait. She will be here soon." She sighed before looking at the blond with a hardened gaze. "What are you doing?" she asked with frustration.

Quinn immediately took the defensive. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't mess this up, Quinn," she said simply.

The blonde tried to not let her face fall. "Why? Do you think she'll kick me out?"

"No," she said quietly pinching the bridge of her nose. "Quinn, you want to be there. Shelby wants you there. Why the hell are you skipping class?"

"It doesn't matter. Pretty sure that I'm still ace-ing that class," she said folding her arms. "Why? Are you going to kick me off the Cheerios?" She pulled at her uniform. "Because I don't care anymore." She held out her casted arm. "Look. It just... I'm just there as a sympathy card."

Sue put up her hands. "I get that you're going all Mt. St. Helen," she said causing Quinn to frown in confusion, "but there's no need. I'm not going to kick you off Cheerios."

"Don't you get it?" Quinn asked in frustration, unsure herself where her explosive anger was coming from. "I don't need you to keep me together. It's making things worse keeping me on the sidelines. It's crap."

"Hey, kudjo," Sue said putting her finger up. "Now wait a minute."

"You're not hearing me. I don't care! Kick me off! I don't care if you tell Shelby!" She stepped forward toward Sue. "I. Don't. Care!"

To her surprise, Sue smirked. "With that kind of fire, how can I kick you off?"

"What if I quit?" Quinn countered, still unsure about how this conversation came about.

A knock on the door interrupted them as Joey walked in. Quinn turned to the door.

"What's going on?" she asked with frustration.

Joey motioned for her to come toward her. "Come on, let's go."

Quinn started out of the room but Sue's voice rang out, casual and icy. "Q, you are to report to my office next week every free period."

The blonde girl shakes her head. "Bullshit."

"Knock it off," Joey said. "Let's go." The woman nodded at the coach and they exited. "What was that about?" she asked the girl as they walked down the hallway.

"Nothing," Quinn dismissed. "Just Sue being Sue."

…..

Rachel watched silently from Santana's side as they pretended to watch a movie in the living room. Brittany was on Santana's other side holding her hand and Quinn was on Rachel's side. The adults were all talking in the other room Rachel knew everyone was listening just how she knew Brittany was unsure of what to say to Santana and the fact that Quinn was mad about something. She didn't know how to fix any of the tension so she reached out and took her sister's hand lowered the television as they listened to the conversation in the kitchen that was growing intensity.

"Well, he's eighteen, no state police is going to pull him over. He's not picking up his phone and neither is Mike. Mike's parents know what's going on and he's still not picking up." Shelby said heavily from the kitchen. She looked at her phone. "I'm going to try again but..." She shrugged with defeat. "I don't know what to do." Her voice trembled.

"Well, honestly, if he gets there, he probably won't be able to get in," Joey said honestly. "He needs clearance at that prison and..." She trailed off.

Shelby looked up. "What?" she asked sharply.

Joey looked over her shoulder at the living room and closed the sliding doors that separated the family room and the kitchen. Rachel's baby brown eyes looked at her with worried questioning look. THe aunt gave her a small smile but then closed the doors completely as she felt a tiny pang in her heart. She returned her attention to the room.

"What?" Shelby asked again, annoyed. Her eyes darting between her parents, sister and brother-in-law.

Joey licked her lips and folded her arms. "I know that you didn't want to know what happened to that man. Once he received his sentence, clearly we would never see him again..."

"Cut to the chase, Joanna," Helen said annoyed.

"Bear and I have kind of …." Bear cleared his throat. Joey went on. "We have unquestionably kept tabs on him."

"In prison?" Shelby asked. "Why?"

"To know what he's up to if he's up to anything. I'm happy to report that what they say about child rapists in prison is true," Bear said lowly. "For the most part he's in solitary confinement. He usually gets himself into trouble. He doesn't play well with other."

"In solitude, they don't have privileges," Joey continued. "Besides, Noah needs to get approved for visitation which could take months. What I'm saying is that even if he was approved, he wouldn't be able to see him." She paused for a moment and went on. "After the accident, Rachel made that comment about a letter from New York. I guessed that it could be him. I contacted a few of my colleagues to try to get more information on the legality of him contacting and if there is anything we can do. I'm still waiting to hear back. But I also sent Kate an email because she's in Bronx now, right?"

Shelby stared at her sister for a moment before she shook her head. She shouldn't be surprised at anything that her sister did. She gave a flustered nod. "Yes, but... " she shook her head. "It's Kate. The kids don't really talk to her very often. She doesn't call... She only emails and texts once in awhile." They all knew that it wasn't that she didn't love the kids. It was just all too hard for her. She had attempted to help after the children were returned to Shelby's care but the kids trauma was just too much for her to handle. She sent Shelby a long apology via email but then immediately went backpacking around Europe for almost 3 years so contact had been extremely limited. Eventually Shelby heard word of Kate returning to Denver and then was notified recently that the woman had accepted a job in New York. Many words were never exchanged between the family and Kate unfortunately. It was just one of the many things that had seemed to change following the trauma caused by Hiram.

Joey nodded. "Well, Kate never responded. Surprise. Surprise."

"Don't," Shelby said knowing that Joey and Kate had a tension because Kate wanted to remove herself for the situation.

Her sister sighed but went on. "Everything happened with... Rachel and I … I didn't push my colleagues to follow up with me...I was too distracted. It slipped through my hands."

She looked at her with understanding. "I need to bring my son back here but I refuse to chase him on the highway," Shelby said. "I'm not going to

"We'll fly," Michael said. "We'll beat him there." He looked up from his laptop that he had open for a few minutes. "A flight leaves from Columbus in a few hours. That'll give us time to get there. It's a quarter to ten. We should try to leave at noon."

Shelby looked at him with mild surprise. "Okay..." She looked at the closed door to the family room. "The girls are a mess."

"They'll remain a mess until Noah is home," Bear pointed out. "We'll take care of them. They want you to handle this."

She sighed and put her head in her hands. Should she get Elyse here? She should have her move in, she joked to herself. She was unsure what her next move was. She felt paralyzed. She felt stuck. She needed to get it together. She had to.

"Mom?" she looked up. Rachel was in the doorway. She gave a little roll of her eyes. Typical move by Santana, Send Rachel in and get answer.

She gave her a weak smile and walked over to her and cupped her face kissing her lightly on the top of her head. She looked at the other three girls in the family room. She sighed. She led Rachel into the living room. "Let's talk," she said quietly.

The air was tense. Brittany and Santana knew what had happened, but their mood seemed to plummet even more. Rachel was just looking back and forth between everyone. She looked so unsure and confused and overwhelmed. Quinn wasn't sure what she felt. It was all too much. She simply wasn't sure. Maybe someday she would see Russell, but …. She looked at Santana, she looked so broken and so unlike herself. The reality of everything that Quinn had read about in the story Santana wrote made more sense and became more achingly real. However, she thought back to what Noah had said, "I'm not apart of it." That's how she felt in that moment. It wasn't her experience. Just like Quinn and Rachel's experiences were slightly similar, but they weren't same.

"What does this mean?" Rachel looked quietly at her mother. Her question hung in the air like a falling feather, waiting for someone to catch it. "Where's my brother? Where's Noah?"

Shelby pulled Rachel close, seeing the impending breakdown. "I'm going to go get him."

Santana's head shot up. She had remained silent for most of the exchange. "I'm coming with you," she said simply.

Shelby looked at her eldest daughter. "You're not," she replied just as simply.

"Mom, I have to go," Santana pushed.

"You don't and you won't be going," Shelby said. "You'll be staying here with Nana and Joey and Bear and will wait for your grandfather and me to bring him back home. It'll be fine." She gave a small nod to Brittany. "Your mother and I talked and you can come and visit anytime while we're gone. You're even welcome to stay if that's what you and Santana decide. I'll leave that to you."

Santana looked at her mother and Brittany but didn't have time to soak up any joy from that news. She looked at her mother. "I have to go..." She looked at the ground. "I need to be there."

Rachel looked at her from her mother's lap with a questioning look. "Why?"

Santana looked at Rachel and then looked at her mother. "I need to be there."

Shelby knew her daughter. She knew that her strength was beyond any measure and her ability to protect the people that she loved was fueled by an unending energy. However, she never invested the same energy in herself. That was Shelby's job.

"You're staying here," she said again without argument.

Quinn looked at Santana with hesitation. She knew that she didn't need answers but her wounds were gaping open whereas Santana's had a thick scar tissue and had been reopened again. Quinn couldn't wrap her head around any of it. She felt so out of control, but she felt stuck all at once, paralyzed. However, still she felt like this fit. She looked at Santana.

"You need to stay here," she heard herself say suddenly. Santana looked at her with pause. Quinn lowered her voice. "I don't think that it'll make things better for you. Noah just needs to come back." She took a deep breath. "He didn't want you there." Quinn glanced briefly down at Rachel before she looked back at Santana. "It'll be too hard for him."

Rachel looked up at her with a frown and then Santana looked at her as if understanding and allowing herself to understand for the first time. Rachel's eyes began to tear up.

"Please don't leave too," she whispered. Santana shook her head but nodded slightly and looked at Rachel.

"Okay," she whispered. "Okay."

Shelby packed a bag and wrote lists. Now she was making a list of what needed to be done. Elyse had been called and would stop by early the next morning. Sue was going to stop by and take Santana out for a run to clear her mind. She knew her daughter and she needed a distraction. She zipped up her bag with purpose, making sure to pack a few extra things for Noah. He had forgotten his toothbrush so she grabbed other things that she knew it was lost. She looked over her shoulder. Rachel was back to check on her. She had been going back and forth between Quinn, Santana and herself.

"Come here, bug," she whispered. Rachel frowned and went to her sinking into her arms. "Thanks for keeping an eye on everyone. It means a lot that you're looking after your sisters. I know that they appreciate it. You okay?"

Rachel looked up at her mother and let out a tiny sob. "No..."

Shelby held her more tightly. "Bug,"she muttered as she rocked her gently.

"It's still ruining us..." she muttered trying to wipe her tears.

"Bug," she whispered, pulling her closer. "This is not your fault."

"It's because of me," she whispered. "It's because of me that Noah is doing this... and Santana is sad."

"Rachel," she tried again.

"I know he hurt Sanny more than she says," she said quietly. She looked up at her mother. "I know what she had to do and I know what she did with those boys." Shelby looked at her in surprise. "You and Aunt Joey talk loudly," she said simply. "Seeing him won't make it go away right?" She searched her mother's eyes. "He's not sorry is he?"

"I don't know," she said honestly. "But it's something your brother shouldn't do alone."

"Will he hurt us?" she asked.

"No," she said quickly. "I won't let that happen. That's why I have to go."

"Mom?" Rachel asked quietly. "Can I... Can I meet him someday?"

"No," she said quickly again. She watched Rachel recoil. "Rachel closure isn't easy. I think right now that he could hurt us simply by his words."

"By manipulating us," she finished.

Shelby nodded. "Yes."

Rachel shook her head. "How could he do that? How could he think he could do that alone?"

"I don't know," she muttered. "We'll be okay, baby."

Rachel leaned against her mother more, lost in thought. Would they?

"I'll call the house all the time. I'll give Santana back her phone and you can send me texts while I'm away. It'll be like I was never gone." Rachel turned and looked up at her mother with a deep set frown. "I promise that I will be back before you know it."

She hadn't realized it before this point but she hadn't left her kids behind for more than a few hours before. She kissed her softly and looked up watching as Quinn passed the room.

"Go downstairs and keep Sanny company, okay?"

"Is she okay?" Rachel asked quietly.

Shelby looked at her daughter with pause. "I think she's trying really hard to pretend to be." She touched Rachel's nose with her finger. "Keep an eye on her for me."

"Okay," she muttered as she made her way slowly out of the room.

"Quinn," Shelby paused following her into the the girls' room.

"I'm just getting some stuff. I thought I'd do some work." Quinn paused for a moment. "I have a history project."

"You do?" she asked.

Quinn nodded. "It's with my friend Dylan. I know that now isn't a good time... with everything but... she might be available this weekend?"

Shelby looked at her with trepidation. "I'll tell Joey. I would love to see your progress in this project." Quinn nodded, bowing her head. "How are you doing?"

She shrugged. "I'm fine. Santana looks like she's going to stab someone or cry a river." Shelby didn't smile like Quinn had hopped. "She'll be fine. I'll pick up any lamps that she breaks," the blonde said quietly with a smile. "She'll be okay."

"I know," Shelby said quickly, realizing this isn't a conversation she should have with her sixteen year old daughter. "We need you here too, you know," she said with a smile. "I know you're still mulling over everything that happened," she went on. She watched as Quinn's devious smirk disappeared. "To me you'll always be my daughter and if you decide that you need to go on a sporadic road trip, I hope that you'd bring me along-"

"I'm not going to do that," she said quickly. "I'm not. You'll never have to worry about me."

Shelby chuckled. "I'll always worry about you. Don't put too much pressure on yourself."

"I'll be fine," she said said again.

"Quinn, what will make me not worry is if you actually take your medicine instead of pretending to," Shelby said arching her brow. "That will really remove one of the many things I'm worried about." Quinn looked at her in surprise. "I'm serious. I love you too much and I don't want you to get worse."

"But I'm fine," she said for what felt like the millionth time.

"And I never want you anymore worse than fine."

Quinn realized in that moment that she had been more of a burden by trying to be fine and avoiding people's care. It didn't relieve them but it made them worry more. She didn't want to do that to Shelby. She could see the exhaustion in her eyes. She didn't want to add to that.

"I just..." she whispered. "I'm scared about the dreams."

Shelby's eyes widened slightly at the admission. She pulled the girl gently to sit on the bed.

"You're afraid you'll have the night terrors again?" Quinn gave a nod. "That's understandable," Shelby replied as she wrapped her arm around her. "You took it last night right? How'd that go?" Quinn frowned, indignantly. She had slept fine. "If you have any bad dreams, you tell one of us and we'll see if we can change the medicine again."

Quinn leaned against Shelby and for the first time, she realized she would miss Shelby.

"You can call if you need anything," she said quietly.

"It's only a day," Quinn said lightly. She shook her head. Shelby would be back she wouldn't have to worry. She stood up and walked toward the door. She paused and looked at Shelby and then at the ground. "You um... You should pack a snack …. for the plane. I heard no one feeds you on the plane anymore."

Shelby smiled. "I love you, Q-bear."

Quinn nodded and looked at the ground. "Yeah... um... And a pillow. A small one. You should bring one for the plane." She met her eyes hesitantly and chewed the side of her bottom lip. "And gum... So your ears don't pop."

"Hey, Quinn," Shelby said gently. "We'll talk more when I get back. I'm really happy that I am coming home to you."

Quinn nodded. "Yeah...Bye."

She smiled once she turned and left back down the hallway.

"You about ready?" Michael asked peeking into her room.

She nodded. "Yeah I just have to say goodbye to San and probably, Rachel four or five more times and then I'll be ready." Michael nodded and started to carry her suitcase down the hallway. "Dad, can you pack a snack or two for us. Quinn reminded me they never feed anyone anymore on the planes."

He smiled. "Definitely."

Shelby opened Noah's bedroom door and saw Santana barreling through his desk drawer mumbling to herself.

"God!" she hissed as she slammed it shut.

"What are you looking for?"

"Just anything," she said starting to collapse on his bed but then frowned knowing it was disgusting. She looked at her mother. "Why didn't he tell me?"

"Because you're you and he's him," she said softly. "Listen, Bear said he would take you out tonight to the batting cages or something. If you'd like to go, that is."

Santana frowned. "Who's going to be here with Rachel?"

"I called in Sue Sylvester to watch her," Shelby said casually.

"What?" Santana glared.

"I'm kidding," Shelby said. "Your aunt and grandmother won't be far away. Quinn will probably hang out too. Casts make it hard to hold a bat."

Santana continued to frown. Shelby pulled her close.

"I know that it feels like everything is falling apart, but we're going to be just fine," she said kissing her softly on the temple.

Santana's eyes teared up. "No, we're not," she muttered.

"Why do you say that?" Shelby asked quietly.

"Because I feel more broken than before," she said simply. She looked up at her mother with tear brimmed eyes. "I hear him all the time," she whispered.

Shelby squeezed her eyes shut and held Santana close.

"I've noticed you haven't been sleeping," she whispered.

"I don't know how to function like this," she muttered. She let out a small sob. "Please let me come with you. Is it too late? You can buy me a ticket. I'll pay for it." She rethought. "I'll find a job when I get back and I'll pay for it and -"

Shelby cupped her face. "Sweetheart, no. You need to stay here."

Santana lowered her head and put her hands in her lap, pulling away from her mother. "I never... I never thought about seeing him again..." she muttered. "Because I never forget him... Not ever..." Her bottom lip and chin trembled. She suddenly wiped her tears fiercely and sucked in her sadness, burying it in the special place that had grown larger with age. "You need to go," she said with great fortitude and strength, almost aloof. "You'll miss your plane."

She stood and walked toward the door.

"Santana," Shelby called out to her daughter. She stopped but didn't turn to face her. "Don't push everyone away."

"I'm fine," Santana said. "It's not me you should worry about."

"I always worry about you, honey. All of you, I do, but you-"

"Mom, I'm fine," she whispered defensively. "I'm not going to have some mental breakdown I'm just sad."

"Mom?"

Shelby and Santana looked up and Rachel was standing at the door holding George. "You should take George." she said quietly.

Shelby smiled down at her youngest. "You need to keep him, bug. Okay?"

She shook her head. "No, you should take him." She reached out and took Santana's hand. "I have San."

"You do," Shelby smiled. She looked at her eldest daughter. "You do have her."

Shelby took the stuffed animal and hugged Rachel softly. She cupped her face gently. "I love you so much."

"I love you most," she said hugging her tightly.

….

Shelby's leg shook with anticipation as the passengers exited the plane at a snail pace. She needed to get to her rental car and she needed to get there now! She had her phone on frantically calling Noah again, hoping that he would answer. Again, nothing. However, after a few moments and a few people moving in front of her, her phone beeped. She looked down.

There were five text messages from Santana. She opened them. She gave a small smile. They were all from Rachel.

4:01pm: Hi, Mumma. It's Rachel. You're taking off now, right? Do you know when you'll be back tomorrow?

4:15pm: I hope you remembered to buckle. You always should even when the pilot turns off the seatbelt light.

5:04pm: Charlie just peed on the living room carpet, but Brittany and I cleaned it up. Do you think we can get a dog? Perhaps, a hamster? Or a guinea pig.

5:16pm: When do you land?

5:43pm: Santana just told me you'll get all of these at once when you land. Is that true?

5:53pm: Will you please text me back when you land?

Shelby smiled texting Rachel back assuring her that they wouldn't be getting a pet anytime soon, that she landed safely and asking the little girl to give everyone a hug for her. She turned off her phone and groaned in thanks as she was finally able stand. She had her things collected in her lap and she stepped on the heels of the slow snails in front of her.

She finally made her way out to the gates. She looked around frantically and began to walk. She suddenly stopped approximately 100 feet away from the gate. Her father. They had to sit in different seats because they booked the flight so last minute. She turned sharply and practically ran back to terminal. She watched with panicked breaths as she watched the last few people exit. Her heart began to race more when she realized her father wasn't on it. She lost him? He wouldn't have fell out of the plane. He boarded with her.

"Shelby, I'm right here," Michael said calmly.

She turned and looked at him with relief. "Let's go. Hopefully, they received my reservation and have a car available," Shelby said quickly.

"I just called down there and it's reserved," he said with a gentle tone. He smiled at her. "Now, we just have to see if you can still navigate around the city."

"Trust me. I can," she smiled. A chime from her phone interrupted them, expecting that it was her baby girl she looked down but was surprised to see that she had a new voice mail.

She opened it and brought the phone to her ear.

"Hey, Ma. It's Noah. I know you're pissed...but it's weird to not pick up. Mike and I are fine. I'll be home tomorrow. Love you." She sighed and started to shakily call him back when she saw another voicemail come in. Damn the stupid delay, she thought to herself. She pressed play. "Hey, Mrs. C. It's Mike... Noah's in the bathroom, but I wanted to let you know we're okay. We are stopping at the rest stop for the night in my car in um... uh... Oh... It's off of highway 80... Mile marker... um... I'll text it to you. I think we're almost there. We're fine. Sorry for not calling or picking up. We'll be back tomorrow. He's coming back. See ya."

She sighed and looked at her father. "I know where they are." She looked heavily at her father. "They're staying about an hour or two out of the city." She looked at the text from Mike. She knew exactly where they were. "They're staying at a rest stop. I can't even think about what they'll encounter there."

"Shelby, they're staying at a reststop not a back alley way in Harlem," Michael said as they rode the escalator down to the baggage claim.

"I know," she said sharply as she approached the counter. "But my kid, while oddly and unexpectedly resourceful, is not staying in car for the night. Also. He and Mike are six feet tall at least. I haven't measured Mike recently but … Last time I checked, Mike has a Camry and -"

"Okay," her father said putting his hand up and handing the rental car attendant his confirmation paperwork. "We'll get there."

….

Quinn stared at her work. She was idly sketching her lamb again as she pretended to work on her work. Santana was still gazing off into space. She had even stopped badgering Rachel about taking her phone. Therefore the eleven year old turned to her.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked looking over at her. "That doesn't look like science." She smiled in confident knowing. "Is that your lamb? Does she have a name? Or is he a he? ….." Rachel frowned. "Or is he transexual?" Quinn frowned at the eleven year old. "I watched something on VH1 once."

"I haven't really thought about my lamb's sexual orientation," she muttered. She looked at Rachel. "You should do your own work."

"I've been doing work today. What have you been doing?" Rachel asked. Quinn looked at her in confusion.

"Rachel, you have your work too," Joey called from across the room. "Stop bothering Quinn." She looked at Quinn. "Don't you have a history project to work on before your meeting tomorrow?"

Santana looked up. She had been very quiet for most of the afternoon. Brittany had gone home for the evening but had promised she would be back the next day. All Santana could do was nod and kiss her softly before watching the blonde walk towards her car. That was it.

"What project?" she asked quietly.

"A history one... with Mr. Weatherbe."

Santana frowned. "Yeah? What on?"

Quinn frowned. "Why does it matter?"

"Because school just got back from Fall break. Isn't it a little early in the second quarter to already have project assigned? Projects are usually the product of lazy teaching disguised as new engaging learning initiatives," Rachel said simply looking at Santana for approval.

Santana nodded and pulled Rachel closer.

"I guess Mr. Weatherbe is a lazy teacher then. I don't know what to tell you." Quinn looked back down at her sketch.

"Are you okay?" Rachel asked.

"Fine," the blonde muttered. "It should only take a few hours at the most."

"You're going over there?" Santana asked distantly. "Who is it?"

"Dylan something," she shrugged and rolled her eyes. "It was assigned. I didn't pick her."

"That's not a nice thing to say," Rachel muttered. "She might be excited to work with you."

Quinn just shrugged, hating how Rachel made her feel badly about thinking bad thoughts that used to be regular.

Rachel turned back to her sister who had turned back to staring off deep into her own school book again. She had been acting so different. Something was wrong.

Joey's phone beeped causing Santana to jump. She looked at her phone. "Your mother landed and is going to pick up your brother."

"Sure, she is," Santana muttered. She backed up abruptly and slammed her hand on the table causing Rachel to jump. She glared at Quinn, and ignored everyone else's surprised stares "And you don't know any Dylan? It's total bull and you know it."

Rachel looked up at her big sister in surprise. She had no clue where the sudden burst of anger had come from. One minute Santana was almost catatonic, the next she was yelling at Quinn?

Santana licked her bottom lip and stared intently at her book as her eyes began to water. She could feel herself shaking. Her emotions were running so thickly through her veins. She didn't know what to say. She needed to control something and all she could control was yelling at Quinn.

"Stop looking at me," she snapped to the room without breaking eye contact from Quinn. Suddenly, she felt a small hand rest on top of hers on the table. She looked over at Rachel and instantly bit her lip with regret. She could see the fear Rachel was trying to mask in her young eyes. She had done that with the loud sudden slam of her hand. "I'm sorry," she muttered. She shook her head. "I'm... uh... I'm tired."

Rachel hopped off of the stool. "Do you want me to lay with you until you fall asleep?" she asked quietly.

"Sure," Santana nodded as she blinked back her tears. Rachel took her hand silently and led her out of the room.

Quinn looked sharply at the two older women remaining. "Are you just going to just get used to that behavior?"

Joey looked at her. "Cut the attitude." She rinsed off a few dishes. "We're not going to get used to it or let her get away with it, but we're not going to snuff it out. We didn't with you did we? You screamed many a time in your stay here and I guarantee you it won't be your last. Life is frustrating."

The blonde rolled her eyes. "You're frustrating," she muttered.

…..

Noah frowned and looked at the change that he had found on the floor of Mike's car. He looked at the vending machine. Hmmm, he thought silently. Chips? Do I have enough for chips? Eighty-five cents. Chips? He frowned. Seriously?

"Noah, that is not a complete dinner," Shelby said from behind him.

He froze. "Crap."

He turned and looked at her. She stood and stared at him with a mixture of feelings that he couldn't read. He leaned his head back away from her, knowing that he had identified at least one: anger.

"Noah," she said with a shake of her head as she wrapped her arms around her son in a tight hug. "What were you thinking?" she asked into his shoulder.

He pulled away from her with a frown. "I was thinking that I never want Rachel or San to get a letter in the mail." He sighed and looked at the ground. "I gotta do this, Ma," he said with a strength in his voice that Shelby hadn't heard before. "I'm going to."

"Come sit with me," she said guiding him over to a bench. He sighed in annoyance but followed.

"You can't make me go back without doing this," he said. "I'm eighteen. You can ground me tomorrow, Ma, but I will be doing this."

Shelby gave a quiet nod. "I'm furious, Noah, there's no doubt about that, but the fact of the matter is you can't."

"What? You can't stop me!" he said as he stood up.

"I know that, Noah," she said. The fact that you drove 500 miles after abandoning your little sister at a rest stop shows me that I can't stop you."

He gulped and sat down slowly. "So... so then what?"

"Noah, they won't let you in. You can't just walk into a prison just like you can't simply walk into a school-"

"You can't?" he asked. He frowned and nodded. "No, I've done that you can just walk right in."

She frowned. "To a prison?"

"No, school," he said with a frown.

She took a deep breath. "Noah, because of the level of incarceration, because of the charges, he can't see just anyone. There is a process." She watched her words sink in. "Plus... he's been put in solitude. He couldn't accept visitors even if you had already been approved and gone through the necessary process."

Noah looked at her, confused. "He's in like a time out?"

Shelby nodded. "Basically."

His shoulders sagged. "I …. I was supposed to do this..." he shook his head. "Is San okay?"

She nodded. "She's really upset and she's just trying to understand it, but..."

"She's mad at me," he said simply.

"No, she's not," Shelby said. "I mean, I'm not happy with your decision. Do you understand how big this is?"

"Why do you think I did it?" He shook his head. "If Santana opened a letter from him what the hell do you think she would do? She's a wreck now just from... just from... whatever." He waved his hand. "This was a wasted trip." He stood up and began to pace. "I need to help, Mom! I feel so useless!"

"Noah," she said walking up to him, only to have him push her away.

"No," he hissed. He kicked a trashcan in frustration. "This is not how it was supposed to be! This was my one chance to get it right! Dad always told me that you get chances and when those chances are gone you can't get them back."

Shelby frowned and looked at her son. "Sweetheart, when he told you that he was talking about the flavor of the month at Dairy Cone. And it was a joke." She gave a soft smile. "But you were five and didn't think it was funny because waiting until next year for Pippy Peppermint Ice Cream just seemed too long." She watched her son's eyes, realizing that's not how he remembered it. "Do you remember what you and your dad did?" He shook his head. "You went down to the Williams and Sonoma store downtown and bought the most expensive ice cream maker and you and your father spent the next three hours failing at making your own version of Pippy Peppermint Ice Cream."

Noah shook his head. "I don't remember that." He leaned back away from his mother. "I don't remember that at all."

She shook her head. "No, you remember him telling you about how chances are fleeting. Your father took you seriously, Noah. He had a heart that blinded him from logic and so many other things. But when it came to the three of you. He was always spot on. You always put too much pressure on yourself to get it right and when you didn't you beat yourself up about it."

"He taught me to protect them, Mom," he said softly. "I couldn't ever do that. I never did that!"

She looked at him with saddened eyes. "You've always done that, Noah. You shattered a window and climbed down the fire escape and sprinted for a mile to the police station." She watched as he looked back at her as if it was nothing."

"I could never save them from anything... ever...I was just there..." He put his head in his hands. "I never... I never could do anything. Even at the funeral … I couldn't do anything." He looked up. "We couldn't stand near the grave... We uh..." He shook his head realizing he had never told her this. "We um... he kept us in the car for most of the time... he just stood there at the grave … but … when he finally came back... Santana demanded to say goodbye..." He frowned. "I didn't do anything. She was able to get out of the car... and she ran over to the grave... and …. She stood there and cried. There was another funeral going on... like... near us... but not really... and … so he didn't grab her I guess. but... she was the one that did that. Not me... " He visibly gulped. "I never said goodbye. I didn't fight for him and I didn't fight for the girls."

He felt his mother's hand on his. "Well then let's go visit your dad tomorrow."

Noah looked at her tearfully. "Yeah?"

"Absolutely."

Exhaustion ran through Shelby's body. Noah was finally asleep. They had checked into a nearby hotel. Noah and Mike were in an adjoined room and her father and Shelby next to them. They boys were quiet and asleep, so she could finally settle. She sighed and unzipped her suitcase. She gave a small smile. There in her suitcase was Rachel's George, Quinn's lamb, and Leroy's shirt that Santana always wore. She looked at her father in surprise.

He barely looked up from his book from the other bed in the room. "Quinn wanted me to slip it in when I was carrying it downstairs and as Rachel was saying goodbye to you, San snuck the shirt in." He smiled. "They wanted you to have them. Just in case."

…..

Santana lay in bed later that night. Rachel was laying on top of her. She had been quiet most of the day; Santana could tell she was still navigating her fears about it. Something that had always been present but never really real was now even more real than ever. It was confusing. She understood that. She had been kicking herself for scaring Rachel. She wasn't going to do that. She knew that her mother had George and so she in this moment needed to be Rachel's George. However, her feelings were clogging up her arteries. She just couldn't sleep. She couldn't breathe. She kept trying to imagine what she would say to him if she saw him again. She kept trying to grasp onto those snarky words.

She sighed and held Rachels' sleeping head to her cheek. In all honesty, she didn't know what she would say. She squeezed her eyes shut, simply hoping that she wouldn't be helpless.

_Santana awoke in a cold sweat to a bang. She opened her eyes and her bathroom door had slammed against her dresser behind it knocking the things on top of it over. She stared at the figure in the door and her blood ran cold. _

"_Oh my god," she whispered. _

_Hiram was standing in the bathroom doorway staring back at her. She could see behind him, into Quinn's room. Quinn lying in a pool of her own blood that was primarily coming from her lower region. _

"_Quinn!" Santana called out. The girl only moaned in pain. _

_Santana could feel her body trembling like it used to when she was in his presence. "You're... you're in prison." she managed. _

"_Not anymore," he smiled looking at Rachel,who was awake and now scrambling to stay in her arms. _

"_Help!" Santana screamed. Where were Nana and Joey? Surely, they had heard Quinn screaming. "Help!" A sinking feeling in Santana's stomach punched her hard. No one was coming to their rescue. It was just like last time._

_Hiram walked toward the bed and Santana attempted to move out of it holding her sister tightly. _

"_Oh, come on," he taunted as he laughed with amusement. He raised his hand and waved his fingers. "Come here." _

_Santana and Rachel clamored away from him until they were close enough to the door that Santana was sure she could send Rachel out of it and it would be okay. She just needed to get her away. _

"_Rachel, I want you to run, okay?" she whispered hurriedly in her ear._

"_Don't even try," Hiram said suddenly slamming the door. He began to unbuckle his belt. "Undress her for me Santana. Just like you used to." _

_She frowned and pushed Rachel behind her. "No! You're not touching her!" _

_Hiram laughed. "Don't worry, Santana. I'll let you watch this time." _

_Santana looked at him in disgust. "What?" _

"_Isn't that what you always wanted?" he said with an edge as he pulled down his pants. "You were always in the closet or down the hallway. You heard all the fun, Rachel and I were having... but you never got to watch... Now as a dyke you must want to... You've always wanted to watch. Haven't you Santana?" _

"_No! No! That's not it!" Santana screamed. "I wanted to be there for her and you locked me out!" _

_Hiram drew closer to the girls, now only in his boxers. _

"_Get away from us!" she spat. _

_He effortlessly grabbed her upper arm and pulled her away from Rachel who let out an agonizing scream. He used his belt to bind her wrists. _

_No, no, no, no! she screamed as she tried to get loose. He yanked her toward his closet. "I hope you don't mind," he said with a smile. "I put a new door on." _

_Santana's eyes grew wide as she saw a glass door had been put on her closet. Her heart leapt into her throat as she was thrown in and the glass door was locked. _

"_No! NO! This can't be happening!" she screamed as she watched him turn to go back to Rachel who was scrambling unsuccessfully away from him. "Leave her alone! She's too little!" _

_She let out a panicked sob. That's what she screamed the first time. She watched in horror as Hiram grabbed Rachel by the hair and yanked her over to the bed. Carelessly ripping her pajamas off her body. He left her nude, smiling at her underdeveloped body. _

"_My my my, my little girl grew up," he smiled. He turned Rachel toward the glass door. "She's so pretty, Santana." _

"_Please," Rachel sobbed. _

"_Let her go! Please take me!" Santana screamed. _

_Hiram grinned. "You'd like that. Wouldn't you, Santana? To be the hero? To be wanted by me. I never wanted you and no one ever will." He turned back to Rachel with a grunt. "Bend over the bed, Rachel." _

_She looked at him with a tear stained face. "P-p-p-please no." _

_He gripped her neck and pushed her over the bed so that Rachel's legs dangled off of the side. Santana banged against the door with her shoulder. _

"_No!" she sobbed "No! No!" _

_Rachel's head was tilted to the side so that she was forced to look toward Santana. Her brows were knit in pleading horror. _

"_No, please!" the little girl screamed as he lowered himself to her. _

_Santana watched in horror as Hiram sheathed with strength and power his entire member into Rachel. She shook as she watched Rachel let out a blood curling scream and continue to scream as she tried to move away from him. He only grunted in satisfaction as he thrusted harder and faster into her. Santana banged against the door attempting, but more weakly to get to her. _

"_Rachel, you feel so good," he announced with a harsh thrust. _

_Santana watched as Rachel gave up and her whole body only shook from her trembling fear. She didn't have anymore fight in her. Santana slid back against the wall, only able to watch with her hands tied behind her as innocence was robbed from Rachel once again. He screamed in climax and suddenly the glass door was thrown open and Hiram stared down at her as if she were lower than dirt. He kicked at her legs. _

"_Open your legs and I'll give you a try," he smiled down at her. _

_Santana felt her breath hitch in her chest as he reached down and grabbed her. _

She shot up from her bed with a silent sob. She couldn't catch her breath. She looked over at her closet. It didn't have a door. It was just a nightmare? It had felt so real. She couldn't do this. She looked over at Rachel who was still sleeping soundly next to her but had wrapped her arms around her more tightly when she felt her jump. She picked her up effortlessly and walked through to Quinn's loft bed. She lay Rachel next to Quinn silently, thankful that Quinn took her medicine and didn't stir when Rachel wrapped her body around her. She paused and looked at Quinn who was sleeping peacefully. She squeezed her eyes shut as the image of Quinn bleeding and crying on the bedroom floor filled her mind again. She opened her eyes and refocused on Quinn's calm face before she looked at Rachel's, thankful that it was only a dream.

Santana still felt her heart beating insanely in her chest. She needed to get out of here. She needed fresh air. She couldn't be in here. She pulled on her Uggs and walked down the hallway and almost screamed when she ran into someone.

"What are you doing?" Joey asked with a hiss.

"I-I need... I need to get out of here. I can't breathe. Please. Please.. I just.. I …. please."

The girl's panic caused Joey to melt. "Okay," she whispered. "Okay."

They made their way downstairs. Joey grabbed her coat and keys. She motioned for Santana to put on her coat as she wrote a quick note on the counter. She pressed the buttons to the alarm, as soon as it was shut off Santana ran out of the door like a bat outta hell, without warning. Joey took off after her, the moonlight guiding her. She let her long legs keep up with her athletic niece with every stride.

Santana sprinted as fast as she could away from her house. She finally stopped at the small wooded area that stood at the end of the street, a block away from her house. She fell to her knees into the grass. She didn't notice that she was in the woods. She didn't notice that her aunt had followed her. She could only focus on one thing.

She didn't know what to say to him. She couldn't fight him in her dreams. She couldn't face him in her dreams. She couldn't even cope with him in her memory. She let out a sob. She just couldn't do this. She couldn't do this at all. She felt a sob shake her body. She felt so out of sorts. She didn't have control over anything. Her brother was going to see the man that ruined her past, present and future, and all she had left in her …. all she could do was sob in the grass at the end of the street. She let out a scream of anguish as another sob wracked her body. She wasn't sure if she would wake anyone up or draw attention to herself. However, in this moment she didn't care. All she could do was scream and clench the grass and the forest brush beneath her hands as tears poured from her eyes.

Joey slowly wrapped her arms around her niece, attempting to hold on to her and help get her to the next moment. She let Santana continue to scream into the darkness as she pulled her tightly into her own body. The cries and screams broke her heart, but she knew it was something Santana had to get off her chest. She would hold her for as long as it took. She would hold her until her muscles cramped and these damn pine needles sunk into her bones. She would hold her until she was ready and if she needed to they would go find another wooded area and scream there too. She would do whatever it took because Santana was her niece. She held Santana tighter knowing that loving Santana meant letting her scream.

**As usual, this chapter was supposed to be longer. I was going to do all of Saturday and its scenes. However, I realized that I haven't posted since the 9/12/12 and I left you on a cliffhanger. I'm so so so sorry. I hope that this is okay... **

**Also, I hope to have at least a small update by 10/3/12. One of my awesome betas and I began talking on that day. An update is mandated. ;) **


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52

alopez208- Santana's story in this chapter was especially heartbreaking. Sorry for upsetting you. Thanks for the review.

Cookie07 – Well welcome back and thank you for the review. Congrats on your first full time teaching job! Yes San is going through a very very hard time right now and the family is there to help her through it. She learned to cope one way and it wasn't necessarily the right way – but it seemed like it at the time.

Iuterpi – I tried to get this chapter out ASAP – it maybe a little shorter but I wanted to post something on mine and my beta's anniversary – Thank you for the review and I hope you like it.

Skyler – Thank you for the review – although I am not sure what the last part meant.

Renata – My dream is to get published one day and my betas tell me all the time. Thank you for believing in me. You bring many smiles to my heart.

thelastcenturian – You have mentioned it before and I am so grateful for it. Thank you so much for reviewing and the kind words. It is because of reviewers like you that make me keep going.

littleredwritinggleek – They are all very young with very adult things happening to them. Thank you for reviewing.

Marti – Shelby will NOT be happy at all with Q-bear if she goes through with the tattoo. Quinn will continue to act out a bit because this is all new to her and she is frustrated and filled with emotions so even though she wants to be good – there is a very mischievous streak inside her. Noah is hurting and all he wants to do help. Little Rachel is always challenging to write but I do enjoy it. Thanks for the review.

Fangirl44- Yes as much as Noah wanted to get to the prison and have a talk with the monster – he is not ready for it. Thanks for reviewing.

marinka4 – a nice light hearted chapter – hmmm- not sure one is coming up anytime soon. That was one of my favorite scenes too with the girls getting a piece of themselves for Shelby to have while she was away from them. Thanks for reviewing.

Renata – Yes Noah would have loved to speak to the monster but he wouldn't be allowed and in the end it is much better. His words would have just hurt Noah. Rachel is not getting a pet anytime soon especially after Rachel's description of Charlie. Thank you for reviewing as always.

Defygravity09 – I don't know how soon Shelby will get full custody but Quinn is never leaving – she is Shelby's 3rd daughter in every way and although she will act out- Shelby will be always there to catch her. Thank you for reviewing.

Drea LuRuiz – San is really hurting. And she finally has to confront her own demons and stop hiding behind Rachel's. She has to start to fix herself before she can move forward and its going to begin now. As far as Ms. Quinn sometimes she acts out in a big way and thinks of the consequences later. And you are right it is very hard to get something past Shelby so Quinn missing history and possibly getting the tattoo – Momma Bear is going to find out. Thank you for reviewing.

FlatWeasley – I can see why you would freak out if you did not see the italic on that dream. It was emotional for me to write. Thanks for the review.

Ryoko05 – Yes Santana is regressing but Santana always buried things so that she could appear healed for Rachel and Noah – yes she acted out a lot but now it is time for her to truly deal with her fears and feelings so she can truly heal. Thanks for the review.

lovecanbesostrange - I love the length of your reviews. You always give an indepth analysis of everything the chapter is about and pick out some parts that are my personal favorites. I always feel when people review at this length I should address every point but you have such a great grasp of what has gone on I feel like it is repetitive. So I just want to say thank you so so much for the reviews. I love them always.

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for the cookie. Prison is too good for people like Hiram – he can never suffer enough in my eyes for the harm that he did to these kids. Thanks for the review.

Scout88 –Your review was awesome. So thoughtful and amazing. I love that you can recap the chapters and I always love hearing from readers what their favorite part of the chapter was or what annoyed them in the chapter. It definitely helps me make sure that I stay true to each character. So thank you so very very much for that - Your time and effort to write that inspires me more than you know.

OTHangels – Thank you – I can't believe I have 51 chapters and the story is still going strong. I wish I could personally thank all my readers.

Lolathe17th – Santana is just in the beginning process of truly healing. She has built so many walls and sealed her feelings that she never wanted to share. It will take some time but they will get there slowly but surely. Thanks for the review.

TommyH – A little more of Shelby and Noah this chapter. As always – thanks

look4me – I am so happy I could keep you away from that terrible show known as glee. Haha – I never thought about the 52 chapters in one year. I have to say that it has been an amazing year for me regarding this story. It has brought me places that I can't explain. I met one of my beta's shortly before this story launched. Noah drove that way but it wont be for nothing. There be something in it for him in the long run and it shows that he will do anything to protect his sisters. Thanks for the review.

A C one – sorry for making you wait. Here is the next chapter a little sooner this time too. Thanks for the review.

Kimberlli – oh you are so right a quiet Quinn is trouble brewing. You will see what she is up to real soon. I hope you consider a "tangled mess of emotions" a good thing. – Thanks for the review they are always appreciated.

dolphinluver46 – I think all your questions are answered in this chapter. I hope you like it. Thanks for the review.

justanotherreaderr – you are correct this is one step closer to healing for everyone but they all have their own pace. Thank you for reviewing.

Rachel frowned and squeezed her closed eyes shut even tighter, blinking out the sleepiness. She wrapped her arms around Santana and frowned. What was that? Santana didn't break her arm. Did Quinn cut off the cast and put it in Santana's bed? She frowned again. Would Quinn put the case in Santana's bed? Were they fighting? Rachel finally conceded to her questions.

She opened her eyes.

"Quinn!" she said abruptly.

"What?" she groaned. The older girl opened one of her eyes a crack and looked at her clock. 5:05am. She squeezed her eyes shut. Was the sun even up?

Rachel shifted and pushed herself up using Quinn's stomach. The blonde let out a grunt.

"What am I doing in here?" Rachel asked with a frown.

"I don't know," Quinn moaned again in frustration. Her eyes remained closed and she turned into the wall, tucking herself in. "I just know that I woke up almost an hour ago because you kicked with your knotty knees."

"Sorry," Rachel muttered.

"It was fine. I went back to sleep," she muttered. "Until now."

"Sorry," Rachel mumbled again.

"Forget it," Quinn groaned. "Just... sleep okay?"

Rachel gave Quinn a tiny hug causing the older girl to jump.

"Do you miss your lamb?"

"Rachel, it's sleepy time which is quiet time," she said with a sign.

"I miss George," she said, now fully awake.

"Rachel," Quinn groaned suddenly wishing that she took more sleeping pills.

"Your bed is really high," she said with a smile as she looked over the edge. "Have you dropped your lamb before? You never told me about your lamb. "

"Firstly, go to sleep. It's not even light out," she frowned. "Secondly, you shouldn't be watching VH1."

"I have to go find Santana," she whispered loudly. "Do you want to stay here? I can come back and get you."

Quinn groaned. "Bug," she hissed. "New rule. No talking before 10am."

"That's actually an old rule," Rachel said with a roll of her eyes. She frowned and looked at Quinn whose eyes were still closed. "There's something wrong with her, Quinn. She's really sad and angry and I'm scared for her."

The blonde leaned back into her pillow. Suddenly, in awe at how Santana slept with Rachel on a regular occasion.

"Rach," she whispered. "Santana will be okay, but you need to give her space to be sad and angry. Just because she is doesn't mean she'll not be okay."

"Is that a double negative?" Rachel asked.

"I'm trying to make you feel better," she said with a sigh.

"I'm have to go find her. Are you going to stay here?" Rachel asked as she climbed over Quinn's body.

"Yes," she muttered pulling the blankets around her.

Rachel carefully maneuvered down the ladder. She bit her lip. She wanted George.

"Quinn," she asked.

The blonde let out another moan. She loved Rachel but this is ridiculous. She sat on up on her elbows and looked down at Rachel. She threw her pillow down at Rachel.

"Here," she said more roughly than she intended. "Just... Hold this til you get George back."

"What will you sleep on?" Rachel asked picking up the pillow.

"My other pillow or my arm." She turned and grumbled into her pillow.

Rachel didn't responded so she opened her eyes and looked down at the little girl, who was hugging the pillow tightly. Quinn sighed again and sat up. "Go find her and if you're upset or you need me, come back okay? And we'll do whatever you want."

The girl nodded slightly and walked through the bathroom and into Santana's room. It was empty. She held the pillow tighter and went down the hallway to her mother room. Not there. She frowned and stopped in Noah's room, knowing deep in her stomach that her sister wouldn't willfully step in there. She peeked in. She wasn't there either. She finally looked in her room, where Nana had been sleeping. The bed was unmade, but other than that, no one. Where...? …. She felt her heart speed up.

She raced downstairs. Maybe she was downstairs. She looked in the study and then the living room and then the dining room. She looked in the kitchen. Nothing. Nothing and Nothing.

She looked around and tears began to flow. She was so busy crying she didn't hear her name being called. She held the pillow closer to her chest. Santana left. Noah left. Her mother left. She couldn't find anyone. She was scared to go back upstairs and find that Quinn was gone too.

She felt arms wrap around her and she let out a panicked sob.

….

Santana stared at her milkshake. The condensation on the glass had made a puddle on the table. They had been there for awhile. Joey knew there wasn't a lot to say, which she was thankful for because there wasn't much she could think of this early in the morning. Santana had asked her after almost thirty minutes of crying in the brush in the woods, if they could go somewhere. The girl had been shivering and Joey too had been cold. Knowing that the brunette would find a way to leave if she didn't take her, the two ended up at Milly's Diner downtown. The only 24 hour diner in Lima. Joey thought for a moment. It was the only 24 hour anything in Lima.

They had been here for almost a half hour. Joey didn't have anywhere to be, but she kept catching herself wondering how Shelby would have handled the situation. She looked at Santana quietly and reached over taking one of Santana's uneaten fries. The girl looked at her with a frown.

Joey shrugged. "You weren't eating them."

She heard a buzz in her pocket and pulled out her phone. She frowned at Bear's text and replied, letting him know they were still at the diner.

"What?" Santana asked folding her arms.

Joey shrugged. "Nothing. Just Bear telling me he's awake. Married couple stuff."

"You don't sext do you?" Santana asked, but held her hand up. "Don't answer that." She thought for a moment. "Rachel woke up, didn't she? That's why he's texting you, right? She's freaking out." Santana began to pull on her coat. "We should go."

"No," Joey said quickly. "Let's stay here until you're ready. Rachel's fine. You're not the parent, Santana. She's fine. Stay here and take some time for yourself."

Santana looked at her. "No," she felt silly as it came out more like a whine. "No," she said more firmly. "I'm not her parent but right now she's my responsibility."

"And why's that?" Joey asked. "Did your grandmother suddenly forget how to be a grandmother or my husband, your uncle forget how to be a parent? We've done pretty well so far."

"If you're using Griffin as an example we should have been home a long time ago," she hissed. She shook her head. "You and Mom think that you know what's best." She pointed to her chest. "She's my sister." She shook her head indignantly. "You don't know anything."

Joey arched her brow. "Wow," she said with a frown. "We're back to this argument." She leaned closer to her across the table. "Yes, we weren't in that apartment. Yes, I know that I don't know what you saw, heard and felt, but that doesn't mean that you know better than we do." She paused and held Santana's gaze. "And that certainly doesn't mean that we haven't allowed you to hide behind Rachel for nine years." Santana broke her gaze and looked away. Joey went on. "Yes, Rachel needs you. Yes, she loves you like no else, but hiding behind her because you don't want to deal with you? We don't encourage it, but we know that that is what you have been doing. You need to know that we know it."

"Why have you let me then?" Santana asked with her arms across over her chest as her eyes began to pool with tears.

"Because you need her just as much as she needs you," Joey said softly. "But that doesn't mean that you should continue to put your emotions on hold for her."

Santana looked up at her with a deep set frown. "I want to... I don't want to be like this... And I wasn't... but..." She steeled her jaw. "This isn't anyone's fault."

" I didn't say you wanted to be like this, San," she said quietly. "And I never said it was anybody's fault."

Santana looked away. "I ...I don't want this for her... I don't want... her to feel so out of control..." She looked down. "I don't know how to move on though... I don't even know where to begin..."

"You don't have to," Joey said quietly.

Santana shook her head. "Everyone gave me my own space when I got back... when …. we got my mom back..." Joey looked at her patiently. "Everyone was so careful around me... Different than they were with Rachel and Noah."

"We couldn't read you as well, San," Joey remembered. "You were an unpredictable spit fire before," she chuckled. "You still are but... you had a new passion in you that we just... we didn't understand completely...In hindsight, us walking around on eggshells wasn't good for you either."

"Didn't you tell everyone that?" Santana asked with a frown. "Mom's apartment wasn't soundproof. We heard you talking all of the time," she muttered. "Mom not as much, but you were always wicked loud."

Joey shrugged. "Yeah... I just... You were still and always will be Santana to me and what happened didn't change that." She looked at her niece. "It changed a lot of other things. I changed and in a way you were different, but you were still you. You know?"

"That makes no sense," she muttered. "What I'm saying is … It's like everyone expects me to do things at my own pace."

"You do," Joey said with a frown.

"Because, that's the only pace that's been set," she said. She shook her head. "I don't want... I hated going to therapy but if I went... it felt as if my mom thought I was getting better."

"But you never felt better?" Joey asked.

Santana frowned. "It's not that..." She thought for a moment. "I just... I didn't know where to begin." She gave a scoff. "I didn't want to get back to how we were … before... because we weren't those people anymore..." She frowned. "I'm never going to be that person who thinks crap like 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. I'm just that person who gets through crap and is that person that I am after that crap."

Joey frowned. "Okay... noted, but just to let you know I never thought of you as and inspirational speaker. You're just you and are awesome naturally and put people in their place if they need it." She smirked at her niece, watching her carefully. "So what changed?"

Santana shrugged. "The dreams began to get more frequent...and..." she trailed off.

"And what?" Joey asked after a moment of silence.

Santana paused. "Rachel got older," she muttered. She looked at her aunt and then looked at her hands. "I … I'm not stupid..." she whispered.

"I never said you were," Joey interjected.

"What I mean is that, I knew what I was doing. I knew that I was hiding behind her and using her as an excuse..." Santana frowned. "Just like..." She lowered her head more. "Just like... I knew sleeping with those guys... did matter... and meant something deeper than what I wanted it to mean..." She chewed her lip and tried to will the tears that were filling her eyes to empty. "I knew about Brittany... I just... I don't know how to fix that... to own up to it."

Joey smiled. "You already are, San. You stopped making poor choices with those boys. You are honest with Brittany and you let Rachel be -"

"And she was hurt by that bastard." Santana looked at her hands. "I can't protect her from anything... " She squeezed her eyes shut. "I want so badly for us to be okay. I don't like not wanting her to go get a box of cereal in the grocery store. I hate that I scream at people when I can't see her. That's not who I want to be... but I can't... I just..." She bit her lip. "I keep having the dreams... and tonight I had one and he came back and he..." she bowed her head and looked at her melted milkshake. "Noah went to see him... and I can't even... I can't even put myself back together after a dream about him."

Joey took her hand from across the table. "That's okay, Santana," she whispered. "I don't think I would be able to see him again."

Santana just bowed. "I … just... I don't want to keep having these dreams... and waking up thinking that we're not going to be okay."

Joey looked at her softly, knowing that Santana probably didn't realize how big of a step she was truly making simply by admitting that.

….

Shelby had left Mike with her father back at the hotel. Mike had been remorseful since they had arrived, but knew that he was not a silent partner with Shelby instead of the frontman with Noah. The mother was grateful she had packed Noah's jacket because the crisp air of the city bit them hard. The wind was blowing subtly but other than that it was as if the city that never sleeps wasn't there.

They had been standing at the grave for almost ten minutes in silence. Noah didn't stand let alone stand silently.

"It feels different," he finally said burying his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah?" Shelby asked staring at the grave. She had been there everyday when the kids were gone. She visited there so often simply to remind herself that he was gone. However, it didn't go as planned because she talked to him so much it was as if he was still there. She even admitted to her therapist that it was almost as if she could see him and that he was talking back. She was so angry at him but more than anything she just wanted him back.

Shelby stared at the grave. She had been so focused on bringing Noah here that she hadn't thought about what she would feel. When she and finally gotten the children back, the kids never wanted to go visit him. Santana especially. She had spent so long being angry at him … Shelby thought or a moment as she realized Santana had always been angry for things she couldn't change and in reality, so had Shelby. That's why they were so angry... they couldn't take them back. She sighed remembered that their last few days in New York she had encouraged the kids to take a trip to see Leroy's grave once more. Santana finally conceded but then she refused to get out of the car. Shelby frowned...Santana actually locked Shelby out of the car...It hadn't been a good day at all. Noah stuck by his sister though. Looking back on it, Shelby realized that Noah probably wanted to go, but because Santana didn't he always opted out. And then there was Rachel who was always along for the ride as long as she was with everyone. Shelby had made a one trips with Rachel alone. However, Shelby spent most of the time at the grave. Seeing Rachel there next to Leroy's headstone had been too much.

"Yeah," Noah replied. "I just... it was bigger then..."

Shelby smiled. "I actually think that you would be about his height."

"Yeah?" Noah smiled.

She nodded. "I used to come here a lot." She shook her head with a toss of her head. "You guys were in school. Rachel would be with Nana." She looked at her son and then back at the grave. "You would be very proud of your son, Leroy."

Noah looked around. "Mom, who are you talking to?"

"I always used to come out here and chat with him," she said casually.

Noah chewed his bottom. "Does he talk back?"

"I could hear him in my head," she said wrapping her arm around his broad shoulders.

"You just knew what he was going to say," he muttered. "I don't know what he would say."

"I could tell you," she offered.

He frowned but looked back at the grave. "Kay...Hey... um... well... It's me..."

"He knows who you are, bud," she smiled.

"Well, I just... I wanted to say that I .. um... I miss you... I think..." He looked at his mother and then back at the headstone. He gave a shrug. "I don't know... what to say..." He looked at the stone. "I play football... I don't play hockey anymore, even though they still call me Puck. Wouldn't have guessed that, huh?" He chuckled and looked at his feet. "San's pretty good. Crazy... but she's good... She's um... She's Taz, you know." Noah felt himself smile at the thought of her. "I'm really worried about her. So if you could put in a good word for her... You know... I just want to get her spot reserved for heaven...She's a good person, yeah know... She just... She might not come off as heaven material. So if you could save a spot for her... in like... um... " Noah started counting silently in his head. "Like 90 years? that would be great. I know she was your favorite-"

"Noah, that's not true," Shelby interjected. "Your father loved all of you. Plus, why are you reserving a spot for Santana in heaven."

"Everyone else is a shoe in. San, needs a little back up," he shrugged.

"Noah, you're very sweet, but you're here for you," Shelby said. "Vouching for San in heaven can be done another time... but we should discuss why you think it's necessary later."

Noah nodded. He smiled a goofy grin. "Rachel's gotten so big...well, not really but bigger than two...She's really great you'd like her."

"I know he would love her," Shelby smiled. "And would have spoiled her rotten."

"Like he did to San?" Noah asked.

"Sorta but he would have wrapped her in a plastic protective bubble," she chuckled. "He said so himself when she was born."

"Yeah," Noah said thoughtfully, "because she was in that box."

"An incubator," Shelby corrected.

Silence fell on them again. Noah stared at the grave. "This isn't the same, Ma," he whispered. "I can't even imagine what life would be like with him now because remember what he was like …. feels like a dream or something..." Noah shrugged. "I miss him so much but I know that missing him won't make things better. I've always known that..."

"Noah, that doesn't mean you can't miss him. Or be lonely without him-"

"Ma, I don't... I don't dwell on that stuff. Sometimes I feel mad... and I miss him, yeah, I do... but not like Rach and certainly not like Sanny or you do..."

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You and San miss him all the time," he said softly. "We all see it. We all know that you watch those videos on your computer." He looked back at the grave. "I thought that I needed to say goodbye, but... it feels like I need to do something more..." He frowned. "He can't get close to them. I don't want him sending them mail or contacting them at all."

Shelby nodded. "We will work with Joey and our lawyer and we will figure something out," she assured. "I do miss him alot. He was my best friend."

Noah nodded. "I know." He frowned and looked back at the grave. "I thought I wanted to be in this spot. I thought that I needed to say goodbye... and … I think I already did..." He looked sideways at his mother and then looked at the ground. "I didn't need a grave to talk to him... I talked to him in my head...I didn't know you did too... I just assumed my answers weren't accurate." He looked at the grave. "I guess... I didn't need to come here like I thought... Other stuff of his means more to me...Is that bad?"

"What do you mean?"

"I have a football he gave me when I was ten and his old baseball glove... I feel closer to him using those than... being here..."

Shelby smiled gently. "That's perfectly okay."

Noah took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Ma," he said honestly. "I'm sorry for taking off thinking that I could … that I could fix this."

"I'm sorry, you did too, Noah," she said just as honestly. "I'm proud of you for loving your sisters as much as you do, but you don't need to do this. I know eighteen feels old, and you've always taken a lot of responsibility, but my biggest regret for you is if you don't live your life. Just think about it. Okay?"

"I am," he said looking at her. "I um... I think I want to be a police officer."

Shelby looked at him in surprise. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah," he smiled. "I just hope I can do well at it..."

She pulled her tall son into a hug. "I know you will," she smiled. "But I would never stop worrying about you." She smiled into his shoulder. "Your father thought you would be a firefighter."

Noah pulled away with a smile. "He did?"

Shelby smiled. "Yeah," she nodded as she remembered linking her arm with her son's as they walked away from the grave. "You were always climbing trees to save cats or go on missions with your friends."

Noah grinned at the memory. "We were the Avengers. I don't think we knew what we were doing... we were just... avenging stuff."

She leaned her head against his shoulder. "That makes sense."

…..

Rachel's chest heaved against Bear's as he tried to calm her. She had been so scared when he finally picked her up. It was as if she didn't know where she was.

"Rachel," he said gently. "you're okay."

"Where's Santana? Where's my sister?" she sobbed. "Where is she?"

"She left a note, bug," he said softly. "She's with Joey."

She pushed away in his arms. "I want to be with Joey. I want to be with Santana. Is she okay?"

"She's okay," he said again. "Calm down. You're okay."

Rachel relaxed slightly in Bear's arms. "I need … I need to know if she's okay. I need to make sure she's okay." She felt another sob swell in her chest. "She's not okay and I need to be with her. I have to. I woke up and she wasn't here. I …. I … I don't know the last time that happened. I can't wake up and not know where she is..." She looked at her uncle. "Where is she?"

"She's with Joey, honey," he said. "She's alright."

"I promised my mumma that I would take care of her," she said sitting up. "Please," she said as the tears welled up in her eyes again. "What happened?"

"I don't know, bug," he said tenderly. "But she's okay. That was very grown up of you but you need to let your aunt and I handle it."

"And Nana too," Rachel said leaning back. She paused still feeling the tension in her chest. "San and I have always taken care of each other."

"I know," he said carefully. "But you and San are still kids and I know that sometimes we don't treat you like kids and you certainly don't feel like kids." Rachel looked up at him with tired eyes. "But you are."

Rachel bowed her head. "It doesn't feel like that..."

"Well, everyone here is for you and San and Quinn and Noah too. We'll always be here to catch you if you fall," he said as he rocked her softly.

Rachel sat up slightly. "You think that … that we're going to fall."

"It's not that we think that it's going to happen," he said honestly. "It's that if you do we're here."

The eleven year old sorted through his words. "But you expect us to … to have a hard time because of what happened and then what happened... with … with my teacher..."

He looked at her carefully. "I know that I would have a hard time with it, Rachel... It doesn't make you weak. It just makes you human."

Rachel leaned back against him, deep in thought. "I don't want to... I don't want to fall apart."

"Rach," he began.

"I won't,"she said looking up at him. "I might have a hard time... during the trial... but I... I won't fall apart," she muttered more to herself than anything.

"Rachel," he said quietly. "I don't think you will."

She bit her lip because she knew she may.

…...

Joey pulled up in front of the address that Quinn had gotten from Dylan when she talked with her on the phone. Quinn looked at the house. It seemed pretty typical for Lima. It wasn't extravagant; it was modest.

"Do you have everything that you need? Where's your book?" Joey asked.

Quinn pointed to her backpack. "It's in my bag."

Joey nodded. "I'll see you in three hours alright? You have your phone so that you can call the house or me if you need anything?"

Quinn nodded. "Thanks for doing this," she said honestly. "I didn't want to do it at the house... with everything going on."

Joey gave a slight nod. "I understand that but that doesn't mean you're chopped liver."

"I really don't know what that means," she muttered.

The woman smiled. "We still care about you and love you."

Quinn looked at her softly. "I know... Me too. I just want to get this finished," she said motioning to her bag. "It's important for me to get it done." The girl was about 98% sure that she wanted to go ahead and do this. She wanted to have something that would always be with her forever linking her to the Corcorans. However, there was a 2% in her head that was telling her it was a bad idea and was hoping her insecurity about the choice would be heard in her vague answers.

"You're so studious," Joey said approvingly, interrupting her thoughts.

"I just don't want to have to worry about it," she said quietly. "Once Noah gets back and … everything..."

Joey nodded. "What is your project on again?" A BMW drove by and the driver waved at Joey. Joey rolled her eyes. "That was Mrs. Belvin. Do you know her?"

Quinn shook her head. "No." She thought back to the car. "Germany. The project is on Germany's role in the First World War."

"That's a big project," Joey said with big eyes. "Germany played a pretty big role."

Quinn looked at her and nodded. She gave a nervous smile. "Thankfully, this is a project that millions of other students have done before me. The internet is full of information and our book is pretty detailed about it. It's just an oral report."

Joey nodded slowly to Quinn's rushed answer. "You could practice at home later if you want." She gave a girl a little nudge. "Plus Shelby will want to take a look at it."

"Yeah," Quinn said rolling her eyes and looking at the house. "My mom is obsessed with checking at our work." Joey gave a slight nod, unsure if Quinn was sure of her slip up. The blond looked at her. "See you later?"

"Absolutely," Joey said as Quinn climbed out of the car. "Oh, and don't forget, I'll have a snack ready for you on your way back so if you plan to use to excuse that you ate at Dylan's it won't work. Oh and do not even think about leaving this house, Quinn. No walks. Nothing. I'm serious."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Bye, Aunt Joey."

"We're trusting you, Q-bear," she said with a bit of a smile. "Please behave."

"Promise," she smiled. "Thanks for driving me, Aunt Joey."

"Anytime."

The older woman waved and watched the girl disappear into the house.

**This is the shortest update ever. However, I wanted to do a small update in celebration of the one year anniversary of Open Wounds. Thank you so much for loving and following this story. It truly has inspired me and helped me more than you know. I am forever grateful. **


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

Lexie-Rae – Again, please do NOT apologize for being tardy in a review. Your reviews are of epic length. There is no such thing as a late review. a review is a review. :) They are so detailed and I am overwhelmed with the details that you put into them. I cant possibly thank you enough for the reviews. They mean more to me than I can say. Thank you so so much.

maricafa – Glad you found my story. Thank you so much for your kind words. It really means a lot to me. This story isn't over by any means but I am also planning to do a sequel as well. They do get better but they have ups and downs, highs and lows, just like everyone does in life. Hopefully I show that if you are surrounded by the right people you can still find peace and happiness throughout life even though very bad things happen to you. Thank you for the review.

broadwaybound2016 – Poor Rachel – she will recognize that she needs to stop panicking without Santana there. Quinn is an excellent big sister and that is a big step for her because Quinn never really had a role model on what a big sister should be like. Thanks for the review.

Cookie07 – No you are not nuts – some people like the long chapters – some the not so long chapters. I am just glad you enjoy the story. The reason they didn't try harder is because Santana hid it very well and it only really started to crumple and become obvious when Quinn moved it. Would it have come out later in life? Probably, but now that it is out – the adults and everyone will rally around her and get her the therapy she needs. Thanks for the review.

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for reviewing. I cant believe it has been a year myself – Will will have his time in court and if you don't like him now – wait until the trial – you will want to put him on that island yourself.

Lolathe17th – I can't believe it's a year either – my betas and I are amazed. I do really really want to continue Changes – it is very near and dear to me however right now I want to focus on Open and they are different from each other and it is hard going back and forth between the stories. But I will finish it – I can promise that I just do not know when. Joey will fill Shelby in on Santana – it is extremely beneficial to the kids that the adults communicate everything. Thanks for the review.

A C one – Quinn is going through with the tattoo. Does anyone else get one too – you will see. Thanks for the review.

justanotherreaderr – I am glad you enjoyed this chapter. There is always more angst coming so I am glad you found this chapter on the lighter side. Thanks for the review.

Kimberlli – Yup still lots to come for this family. I am glad you are still along for the ride. Noah will be a great cop – criminals will not stand a chance against him. Will's trial will be a challenge for the whole family. Thanks for reviewing.

Renata – Thank you my faithful Brazilian reviewer! Reading is a lost art now because so many people never take the time to read books anymore – or have the time. I know it is a challenge for my beta to make time to read with her 8 year old. But it is so important so I commend you for reading at least 3 a month. Thank you for saying such kind words regarding my writing. I am humbled. You are right about Rachel and Quinn because neither knows what they are feeling – they are both lost and Santana is lost as well although this chapter she made a tiny bit of progress by announcing she is lost. I promise you if I ever get published you will know my real name and I will forever thank my fanfic readers for their unending support.

OTHangels – Thank you – Joey is the blunt person that everyone needs in their life and she is there for these girls every step of the way.

Scout88 – One of my betas is the same way as Quinn in the morning. Don't ever wake her up before the sun if you know what is good for you – so she constantly reminds me of the mood Quinn would be in. Santana will find a happy medium she just has to learn to talk it out and stop putting everyone first before herself – once she learns that it will be easier for her. It was supposed to be funny what Noah said about San – You will see more about Leroy and Shelby's relationship in this chapter it is very special and unfortunately unique because most exes don't get along this well. The trial will be brutal for everyone involved but especially for Rachel and Quinn. Quinn's head is all over the place as would any 16 year olds that just lost her original family permanently no matter how brutal. Will Shelby find out ? What do you think? Its ok that you did not start reading this a year ago I am blessed to have you reading it now. Thank you so much.

Fangirl44 – They are all brave you are correct. Sometimes though they have to see it themselves. Thanks for the review.

alopez208 – Sorry I made you cry. I am glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the review.

thelastcenturian –Thank you so much. You humble me.

lovecanbesostrange – You hit the nail on the head. They had moved on but they hadn't healed. It was all on the surface. Having Noah go to Leroy's grave was important. It will eventually get better for these kids but only once they accept what happened fully and move on – not cover it up. You are also right puberty is right around the corner for Rachel and it will be very tough. Thank God there are some women in her life that will help her through it. Quinn is a teenager so her thinking may be a little skewed but she means well. She is struggling. She will continue to struggle but that is the only way to learn. Thank you so much for your detailed review. It is so appreciated.

look4me – Quinn is one of my betas favorites but I love her too. But you will see the Corcoran's reactions to the tattoo. It may not be what she was expecting. Thanks for the review.

dolphinluver46 – Well you will find out in this chapter whether she gets it or not. Thanks for the review.

**A/N: Again I'm so so so sorry for the wait. Something unexpected came up and the work schedule got into the way. I apologize. However, now I hope to have a more consistent update schedule. I apologize again for such a long wait. Again for those who have been following this story, please be cautious of trigger warnings. Thank you! **

* * *

><p>Santana looked at the door behind her.<p>

"Santana?"

She looked up with a shake of her head. "What?"

Elyse sighed and looked at her, sitting in the chair directly across from her. "Santana are you here?"

She frowned. "No," she said honestly looking over her shoulder again. "Do you think that we can do this... like super fast?" The older woman looked at her with a confused look. She shrugged and looked at the door. "Listen, Rachel might need me to sit with her. My aunt says she can handle it but she can barely handle her damn dog. Rachel needs her medicine and -"

"Santana," the woman said gently.

"What?" she bit, but looked back over her shoulder when she heard a soft sob from Rachel and her aunt coaxing her up the stairs. "She is having a really hard time with my mom being away and Noah and …." Santana looked at her with a frown. "I just need to make this quick okay?"

"I think that Rachel's fine," she said softly. "You have to be here for you and focus on you." She watched the girl visibly swallow. "You have to stop looking over your shoulder. This is your time."

"You don't know her like I know her. You see her once a week or something..." Santana frowned. "She's never out of my sight more than once a day." The sobs disappeared and Santana finally relaxed. Rachel must be settled...The sixteen year old licked her lips and leaned back in the chair. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"I don't have anything that I _want _you to say," she said with a soft smile. "Have you tried writing down your feelings?"

Santana frowned. "Have you met my mother? Her form of punishment is talking about our feelings. AND THEN writing an essay about them. She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. "I know I'm here because of what happened with Noah... I just... And... I just... I don't know where to begin..." She scoffed. "Plus, I don't know you."

"That's true," Elyse said.

"I just need you to tell me …. how to control this..." Santana looked at the ground. "I've always felt out of control... but never like this... not …. like this..." Elyse nodded. Santana frowned and asked something she rarely talked to anyone about. "What do you know about dreams?"

"I don't study dreams specifically, but I know they typically are our insecurities trying to tell us something or our brains trying to work something out." The woman shrugged. "Or sometimes they're just dreams. Do you want to tell me about yours?"

"Not really," Santana said with a shake of her head. A silence fell over them. Santana chewed her lip. "I don't know how to … how to stop imagining what my life would be like if this didn't happen... What Rachel would be like..." She frowned. "I don't know how to … move on... I don't even know what that looks like."

Elyse gave a nod. "I would love to talk about that, but I would suggest the first step that you can take is being an hour away from Rachel. Letting yourself be here one hundred percent."

She frowned. "You don't know what it's like."

"You're right, I don't know what it's like to be you," she said agreeably. "Can I take a guess?" Santana frowned and tilted her head. Scowling at the woman, challenging her. "I think you blame yourself for not being there," Elyse said carefully.

Santana frowned. "Where have you been? Have you read my file?" She shook her head with disgust.

"But I don't think that you've been able to move on from that," she said knowingly.

"I've said it plenty of times in therapy, but that won't change the past," she hissed. "You can't eliminate guilt."

"You can try," Elyse said.

"Don't tell me this crap about forgiving myself and whatever," she said folding her arms tightly over her chest.

"Santana, what happened wasn't your fault," she said carefully.

"You don't know crap," Santana hissed.

"I'm serious," she said with a sincerity. "You were seven years old, Santana."

"But I was old enough to know," she spat back. "I was old enough to understand," she replied with even more hiss.

"Santana, what happened was not your fault," she said again.

"It was," she said. "Just shut up. You making me say it won't make it not be my fault." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I'll always live for the fact that I wasn't there. Every time I wasn't there. So... I'm not asking you to fix that, I'm asking you how to …. How I can move on with my guilt... How Rachel can live her life without having me messing it up..."

"Well, it starts by being honest with her and with yourself," she said gently. "This is going to be a hard process that we all have to work through, but to get Rachel better and to be there for her, you need to be there for yourself first and blaming yourself for this is not going to help anyone. It is not your fault and the sooner we work through that the sooner everything will start to get better."

Santana looked at her. "My guilt isn't that big of a deal... It's like an ear... or an arm. It's just a limb that I was born with..." She shrugged nonchalantly. "I just don't want that for Rachel. I know that in order for us to move on we need to... Move on."

"If your guilt is natural, do you think Rachel sees your guilt?"

Santana looked at her with a frown. "What?"

"You told me that she was observant and you're telling me that this is a natural thing... so... If those things were true, wouldn't she see it?" Elyse challenged.

"She knows that I would have given anything to be there for her," she said defensively. "She needed me and I wasn't there... So... yeah, she knows that."

"You don't think that she might feel badly about that?"

Santana glared at her. "What are you talking about? She doesn't have any reason to feel bad!"

"But you feel bad and if she looks at you and loves you the way that I think she does," Elyse said carefully and continued. "She would feel terrible about that."

Santana felt a pang in her chest. "What do you expect me to say to that? You don't know me or my family. We feel guilty for what happened and what continues to happen and -"

"And it's not helping," Elyse said.

"It's not about helping!" Santana said throwing up her hands. "My guilt just is! It just exists! I don't expect you to fix it!" She stood up in frustration. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes, I am," Elyse challenged.

"You know what? You don't know anything! All you and Rachel and Quinn do is play games in here. I don't want my sisters seeing you," she said with a frown.

"Be mad at me," Elyse said. "Scream at me. Yell. I don't care. You can't be there 100% for them … for anyone... if you keep putting yourself last. It'll catch up with you."

"You know NOTHING about me! NOTHING!" She waved her arms. "You read my file and all that crap but you don't know me. You don't know what she went through."

"You mean what you went through?" Else said softly.

What?" she asked with a stutter.

"You said 'she'..." Elyse said. "We were talking about you."

"You don't know me! I process things! I …. I do thinking in MY OWN time!" she yelled.

"That might be true," she said. "Did it help?'

"What?" she spat.

"Did it help to do things in your own time?" Santana frowned and then hated herself as she felt her eyes begin to water and a pressure in her throat.

She wasn't going to cry in front of this damn cunt! She felt the intensity in her mind suddenly come to an abrupt halt. Never in her life had she thought that word. Never in her life had she called someone that on purpose. She used it once at the shelter and the nice lady who took care of Rachel told her it wasn't okay. Santana admitted that that was what Hiram always called her. She froze and looked at her hands. Hiram had called her that all the time.

She wiped her tears frantically remembering where she was. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I called you that."

"You didn't call me anything," Elyse said. "I'm just... I'm glad you're upset. It means you're being honest. Can I ask what you think you called me?"

Santana scoffed. "You can ask but I won't tell you." She shook her head. "My mom would kill me." She bit her top lip. "Hiram used to call me it all the time..." she said barely above a whisper.

Elyse nodded. "Okay." Santana remained silent and looked at the ground. "What is it?" the woman asked.

Santana looked at her in shock. "I don't remember the last time I said his name out loud."

"Thank you for saying it," she said simply.

"Can I... can I meet with you more..." Santana said darting her eyes as if the words weren't coming out of her mouth.

Elyse nodded, surprised. "I would like that. I'll talk to your mom, but you should talk to her, too."

Santana nodded. "Okay." She looked down at her hands, knowing that she had had this conversation in her head and with her aunt... maybe even with her mother and Brittany. That's how her entire life had felt: like it was on repeat. It wasn't just a deja vu. It was the same conversations; the same feelings; the same kick in the ass. She was stuck and this was all she knew how to do. She was so baffled by the anxiety of the situation that she didn't realize she had overcome a fear. She had taken a step over a boundary that she had always had but never knew how to cope with: The prison of her mind that fed the darkness of her heart. She felt like she was going in circles, having the same conversation, the same struggle.

"Santana?"

"What?" she asked with a slight tremble.

"You did good today," she smiled.

Santana rolled her eyes. "I did nothing. I've had this conversation a million times. I'm not doing anything right."

"You admitted that you wanted help, Santana," she said. "Which I think is the first time that you genuinely wanted it."

"I just don't want to be more stuck," she said softly.

…..

Quinn gritted her teeth. and looked down at her hip.

"Is it done?" she asked.

Dylan looked at her. "Yeah, almost. Why? Are you wanting to take it back?" She laughed. "Because I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news but... it's too late for that."

"As long as you did what I want," she said with a frown.

"We've been done for a bit," she said with a frown. "Or did you not feel the needle gun pen in your side?"

"I just really need to work on the work I was _supposed _to be doing while I was here," Quinn said with a worried glance at the door.

"Hold your horses, barbie," Dylan's sister said. "We need to wrap this up so it doesn't get infected."

"What?" She looked at them with a frown.

"Did you think that putting ink with a needle into your skin would be completely infection free?" Dylan asked as her sister began to wrap up Quinn's wound.

"There. Done," she said with a shrug. "Your mom is 100% with this?" She held up the piece of paper with Shelby's forged signature on it.

"Yeah," Quinn said. "Thanks for accepting that permission slip. It's just my mom and brother are going through some stuff."

She nodded. "No problem."

"Okay, I need to print out a report on Germany's role in World War one," she said quietly to Dylan.

"Just say that it's an oral assignment and that we made a poster and left it here," she replied. "Don't stress out. You're so distracted you didn't even look at it."

Quinn sighed and looked down at the tattoo right before, Dylan's sister covered it in plastic. It was the lamb she had drawn with the date she moved in with the Corcorans.

"What's the date mean?" Dylan asked.

Quinn shrugged quietly. "Just... just a day that was important that didn't seem that important at the time. I want to make sure I never forget it."

"You're gonna need a better story than that for when people ask you in the future," Dylan's sister laughed as she cleaned off her tools.

"Well, that' all I'm willing to share," she said with a bite.

The older girl laughed. "I like you, Quinn. You have spunk."

"Thanks," she said with a frown. "It's just something personal to me that's all."

"Dude, I don't care," the older girl laughed. "I was just pressing your buttons.

She nodded. "Okay, cool."

….

Noah waved at his grandfather and Mike as they drove off in Mike's car. They had let Mike's parents know that his Pop-Pop was driving him home. Mike eagerly took the ride because his parents decided to leave the conference early and were meeting him at home. At least driving would buy him more time. Mike could hope for a flat tire.. or a tornado.. or some other natural disaster to spare him from his parent's wrath.

Noah hooked his thumbs in his backpack and turned to head into the airport with his mother. Shelby ushered him inside but paused for a moment as she saw someone out of the corner of her eye standing a few feet ahead of them. It made her do a double take, but as soon as she looked up the person had turned the other direction.

She frowned. It couldn't be her.

"Mom?"

She turned and looked at her son."Yeah?"

"Is that Aunt Kate?"

Shelby just watched the figure leave in a hurry.

"Aunt Kate! Kate! Kate Corcoran!" Noah yelled out ready to drop his bag.

The woman was now half way down the sidewalk, almost out of sight. She turned her head to the side and made eye contact with Shelby before walking briskly away. Noah was about go after her.

"Why is she walking away?" he asked.

As if on queue, Shelby's phone buzzed. A new text message.

She looked at her phone.

She read it silently to herself. "I'm sorry. I can't. - Kate"

Shelby looked at her son with a small smile, trying her absolute best to keep her composure. "Let's head inside okay?"

"Why does she always do that?" Noah asked after twenty minutes of silence through security. "She just... she just ignores us..."

"Noah, it's hard for her," she said with a deep sigh as they walked and approached their gate.

"Well, it's hard for me too," he frowned.

"I know it is, but Kate... She knows it more than anyone... She can't handle it... There are a lot of people that sometimes just can't handle it," Shelby said softly.

"Don't you hate her for it?" Noah asked. "I just... Did you know that Santana sends her an email every holiday? Asking how she is. Did you know that? San just wants to be close to her. She's the only part we have left of him."

"I know," Shelby said. "Kate, sends you guys cards on your birthdays and money on Christmas and -"

"San doesn't care about that. I don't care about that... I mean... I cared about the car... but not like that." He shrugged. "She's not like Aunt Joey, who's in your face all the time. You know?" He laughed. "All the time. She picks us up from school and stuff. And always comes to games and Rach's recitals... Just like you always had us go to Dex and Griff's games. We hated going but you told us that family supported family. Aunt Joey complains everytime it rains or snows during a game, but she's always there." He shook his head. "The mustang doesn't mean much anymore... You know? Rachel doesn't even know her. She's just a card to Rach... She doesn't know her... She's the closest thing that we have to him and she sees us at the airport and runs the other way..." He chuckled at the irony and then added with a frown. "I don't want people to run out on them."

She gave a weak smile. "Noah," she said softly resting her hand on his shoulder.

"No, Ma," he said with a frown. "I remember what happened that day. I remember that day when we all finally came back to live with you. I remember that almost everyone was there. Nana, Pop-Pop, Joey, Bear, Griff, Dex, and Kate. But Grandpa and Grandma didn't even come..." He frowned as he refocused on his thoughts. "And then...Aunt Kate, she looked at us... and then just left..."

"Noah, that's not what happened," Shelby said softly.

He frowned, remembering. He looked up at his mother. "She held Rachel and Rachel freaked out," he said, half question, half statement.

Shelby nodded slowly. "Yeah," she said quietly. "Rachel just... Yeah... and then San,... " Shelby shook her head slightly. "I know that it was really hard for you guys to come back... but... Regaining trust that we had built with the three of you... your whole lives... That process, Noah. It broke my heart."

Noah searched his mother's eyes. "Because we didn't trust you, Ma, you gotta understand that we didn't mean to hurt you .. It just... Living with him was really hard."

"I understand," she said honestly with teary eyes. "Living without you three was really hard too. Santana mistrusted me... Rachel flinched when I touched her and you-"

He looked at her with a frown. "I didn't look at you." He remembered so clearly not being able to look his mother in the eye. "I just... I just couldn't... I wasn't mad, Ma... I just... it was real when I looked at you... We had good visits though... before we moved in... Remember?"

She nodded quietly with tears still in her eyes. "Yeah, I do."

He frowned. "It was just living in the house was hard," he stated knowing that he spoke for both of them. "It was. We all felt like it was going to be taken away again."

Shelby gave a nod, hating that she was crying in front of her son.

"Ma, please don't be sad," he said quietly putting his hand on hers. "We're okay. We're... We're okay...I was just mad that Kate walked away from us. I won't do that. I would never do that to San or Quinn or Rach...or their future kids," he said quietly. He frowned. "They should not have babies soon." He shook his head at the random thought then looked back at his mother. "I won't ever do that," he repeated again. "I know you never would either."

She looked at him kissing him lightly on the forehead and pulling him into a hug. "I never will, Noah."

"I know it's hard for you, Ma," he said into her neck. "I know you miss him too."

"I do. Everyday, buddy," she whispered with a shaky voice. "But I am so grateful that I get to hold the three of you... Now the four of you with Q-bear. I wouldn't trade it for the world."

"I just don't understand how she can walk away," he said barely above a whisper. "She hides behind those stupid cards... and even with those she only signs her name. She never even tries, Ma... Why doesn't she try?" he asked tearfully. "I feel like I'm nothing … like a huge joke... a failure... and having people give up on me …. Having a piece of him give up on me... that hurts."

Shelby pulled away and leaned down looking at her son with clear love and determination. "Noah, you are not nothing. You are not a joke and you are most definitely not a failure. She walks away … She walks away from you guys because she knows she's not strong enough." She searched her son's eyes hoping he would hear. "She walked away because it was too hard for you." Shelby laughed an ironic laugh. "She cried when you moved. She didn't just cry when Rachel cried. She cried when Santana threw something. She yelled when you laughed. She wasn't strong enough, Noah. She felt in the way and I think... in a lot of ways she was. She couldn't deal with what she was feeling and she wasn't my priority."

"You walked away from her?" Noah said.

"It's not that simple," she said. "We still talk we just... It's hard to be around her and it's hard for her to be around us."

"Rachel should know her... know him through her," Noah said quietly.

"We should talk about him more often," Shelby said leaning back.

"San, looks like a wounded puppy when we talk about him and then Rachel looks like that too because San does," he said with a huff. "It's a vicious triangle."

"Circle, sweetheart. Vicious circle."

Noah shrugged. "Why was she here?" he asked.

Shelby chuckled. "She might have been flying somewhere. We are in an airport."

He frowned and smiled. "I bet Sanny called her. She always does that sh-"

"Noah," Shelby warned.

"All the crap," he corrected.

"Not much better," she said with disapproval.

"I bet San asked her to come meet us," he said. "Probably thought we needed her. My sister's got my back," he smiled. He looked over at the food court near the gate. "Can we get McDonald's?"

She nodded. "But you need to eat it now. I don't want you smelling up the plane."

He smiled. "That's where we used to meet, remember?" he said leaning on his knees.

"I do," she nodded with a smile.

He grinned. "You hated it."

"What?" she laughed. "No, I didn't."

"Totally, did," he laughed. "San and I would play longer because we liked watching you squirm."

"Noah, I did not squirm," she said with a laugh.

"You totally did!" he argued. "San and I would drop Rachel's toys on the floor or hide her binki in the ball pit-"

"I remember that," she said with a frown of disapproval.

"San and I would bet how many times you would use the baby wipes to clean Rachel," He smiled again. "Dad was in on it," he laughed. "He said it was good for you... To go there I mean"

"What?" she laughed. "No, he didn't. What did you bet?"

"Well, the marshmellows from the Lucky Charms box, duh." He nudged her. "You loved going to McDonalds." She frowned. "Okay, maybe not. But you always went for us. You always did." He kissed his mother on the cheek. "I remember watching you hate McDonald's but always knowing that you went because you loved us." He stood up. "You loved us so much you took us to somewhere you hated."

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "That's true."

He started to walk away from her and made it to the line before he turned back. When he returned to his mother, she was already holding out a ten dollar bill.

"Don't get too much," she said. "We'll be home soon."

"Thanks, Ma," he said taking the money.

"Anytime."

….

Rachel swung her legs quietly as she looked at Elyse.

"Hey, there, Rach," Elyse said sitting down across from her. "Thanks for waiting for me."

"You're allowed to take a break between sessions... Especially with my family," Rachel said with a quiet smile.

"Do you want to play a game? Your aunt brought out some games for us," Elyse said pointing to the pile of games on the table.

Rachel shrugged. "I don't care," she said simply.

"Has it been hard not having your mom here?" Elyse asked as she grabbed the game Bananagrams.

Rachel nodded at the game and began to help sort out the tiles.

"Rachel?" Elyse asked.

"Yeah, it's hard," she muttered. Her voice trailed off.

"What is it?" Elyse asked.

"I... I've never been to a sleepover," she muttered casually. She scoffed slightly. "Not that anyone would ever invite me..." She shrugged. "Kurt came here once... but …. You can't have boy girl sleepovers. Maybe when you're little... but..." She looked at Elyse. "I didn't when I was little because... Well... you know why..."

"Okay," Elyse nodded. "I didn't really like sleepovers," Elyse said as she began to sort her tiles. "I didn't like being away from my family."

"You didn't like it..." Rachel stated. "I can't... I can't be away from them." She fiddled with the tiles that she had. "I …. miss my mom a lot. …. and I... I woke up without Santana and had a panic attack. Do you watch the Discovery channel? or the Food Network?"

Elyse was used to Rachel's scattered conversations. "Yes, I do," she nodded as she began to arrange her tiles into words.

"Well... in the factories, machines sometimes get rid of the products that are... flawed-" she said.

"Rachel," Elyse said straighten. "We've talked about this."

"I know," she whispered as tears began to fall down her cheeks. "I … don't want to leave the house... and I can't … be away from my sister... and she's worried all of the time...and... my big brother went on a roadtrip to confront … Papa Hiram about something... and I don't think he would have if everything with... with my teacher hadn't happened." Her voice was rushed, saturated with exhausted worry. "It all feels like it goes back to me ... It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why Noah slept with that bimbo, Whitney, and why my sister, Santana won't let her girlfriend love her, and my other sister Quinn won't let anyone but us get close to her..."

"Rachel, this is not your fault. None of this is your fault," Elyse said.

"I'm a piece of it though," she muttered. "If what happened with …. my teacher didn't happen … Quinn might be better by now... She won't talk about what he said and did to her too... but …." Rachel chewed her lip. "She always triple checks to make sure I'm buckled when we're in the car... Every time... It's like she thinks I'm going to fall out... And Santana is well... She's her... and Noah is …." She gave a tired laugh. "He's in New York, not thinking about him but us... me..." She frowned. "It's like I'm a gimpy sitting duck... just waiting to get shot."

"You need to do things are your pace."

"My pace isn't just slow though," she said quietly. "I'm pulling everyone else back... Like... into a pit... Like the lion pits they used to use. You couldn't get out of the pit. You could only stay in. I watched a documentary on the history channel and -"

"Rach," Elyse said with a sigh. "Do you ever watch anything for fun?"

"My sisters and I watched Happy Feet yesterday" she shrugged. "But metaphors are important."

"They are," Elyse agreed. "However, it doesn't mean that you need to go searching for them so intensively."

Rachel began to build words with her tiles silently. "People think I don't see the way they look at me," she said quietly. "Or they think that they're hiding their emotions well, but they're not."

"Why do you say that?"

The eleven year old chewed her lip. "My mom... my mom has to put this cream …. um... down there..." Rachel began to cry silently. "Because... he... my teacher... he was so... rough with me... things got infected and …." She frowned with a slight tremble of her bottom lip. "I remember my mom... I don't know, this sounds weird... but I remember being in my crib in New York and looking up at her... but she has to put this cream on now.. and it's... it's humiliating but I always think of being in my crib in New York. Is that weird?"

Elyse shook her head slightly, allowing the sad girl to be scattered. "It's not weird at all."

"My mom is always really gentle and she... She always talks to me about something or she … sings me a song... she knows that it's really hard for me to do that... so she tries to distract me," she said quietly. "My mom is gone." The statement was so short and true. Rachel said it with such a mournful look that it was almost as if Shelby was never coming back. "My aunt's here. And … and Nana and my uncle Bear...They won't let Santana do it." She frowned and looked at Elyse questioningly. "They say it's too hard for her...To see me like that. But I don't think she's ever said that... So I don't really know... but I remember when we lived at the shelter in New York she changed me and it was never hard for her... she didn't ….."

Rachel trailed off, instead she began to quietly continue playing the word game.

"She didn't what?" Elyse asked.

"She didn't look like Aunt Joey did today..." Rachel focused on the game in front of her. "While San was in session with you, she was helping me...with the cream," Rachel said quietly. "She didn't say anything the whole time and she didn't let her tears fall. Not once... but I saw them... I don't know if she ever... I don't... I know that it's ugly... and uncomfortable... but... It's so hard for everyone..." She bit her lip and looked at Elyse with big eyes. "I don't mean to make everyone remember... but I know that when they look at me sometimes that's all they think about..." Rachel frowned. "Even before... before... my … my teacher... my nana would start crying sometimes …. when I laughed at something or I don't know just stuff that you wouldn't cry about..." Rachel frowned. "It's hard for them... I don't mean for it to be."

Elyse took a deep breath and leaned over, looking at the girl. "You can't help what people feel, Rachel," she said simply.

"I know," she said quietly. "My mom told me that sometimes it gets too hard for people. It doesn't make them weak or strong or good or bad, but they just... sometimes, people know when to walk away..." Rachel looked at Elyse with big eyes. "But it seems that the only ones willing to stick around are my family... and we're barely holding on..." Her jaw quivered again. "I don't know the last time that I saw my Aunt Joey cry... I don't … I don't think that she would leave me... but I think she is only sticking around because I don't have anyone else..." Rachel's jaw quivered more. "I just want somebody to love me."

"Rachel your family loves you very much and I know they would never walk away from you or leave you," Elyse said clearly.

"I know they wouldn't, but it's still so hard for them to stick around," she whispered. She wiped her tears frantically. "My daddy's sister lives in New York... She sends us cards...and money on holidays. But she doesn't love use like my daddy loved us or like Mumma does... Or Joey or Bear... She doesn't love us like that. Santana calls her on Christmas and she doesn't pick up." She frowned. "I'm not stupid. I've been able to infer what happened-" Elyse smiled slightly at Rachel's vocabulary. "It's hurts too much for her to be close to us. She can't have us in her everyday."

"Rachel," Elyse pushed again, trying to refocus that little girl. "That's her loss. You're so much more than what happened to you."

"I just turned eleven a couple months before Quinn moved in," she said quietly. "I'll be a teenager and a grown up before I know it." She looked at Elyse. "Could you help me be more normal?...I just... I want to hold someone's hand that's not related to me … or that wants to hurt me...I want to have a happily ever after." She looked at her. "I don't feel like so much more... I feel … I don't feel like that at all. I need you to teach how to be better. I need you to teach me not to be … how not to be me."

"Rachel, I admire you," she smiled. "I don't want you to be anything but you. Right now I know you must feel like you're drowning with everything that's going on." Rachel gave a muffled sob. Elyse went on. "That's okay, Rachel. You're not drowning. You're doing just fine. You're staying afloat. Quinn accepted you before she knew everything about you."

Rachel nodded and gave a shrug. "I kinda didn't give her a choice though."

Elyse chuckled causing Rachel to smile sheepishly. "You need to give yourself more credit, Rachel. You're an innately amazing person."

"No, I'm not," she whispered. She looked at the woman. "I'm just a girl whose circumstances were wrought by hardship and was challenged to maintain this persona." Elyse looked at her with a frown. "I read that in a book once."

"Rachel, have you always been fascinated about what happened or did something spark your interest?" Elyse searched the girl's eyes. "You used to tell me when something came up."

The girl shrugged. "Nothing happened... that's the issue... Nothing changed. I live in an age of technology and my siblings' hardships are glaringly obvious... I love them... More than anything. Quinn too... but I don't want to be them... I can't... and...I … I started a new school this year... I thought I was starting over and growing up... and I didn't need to go home crying because someone was mean to me..." Rachel frowned in her ever regressing rant. "I think that there is something wrong with me. Right? It has to be me." She frowned. "I need to... I need to grow up and be stronger like they are."

"Rachel, you're already strong," Elyse assured.

Rachel frowned still deep in thought. "Not like them. I should try to be more like them," she said with a nod. "I should... I should be like them."

"Rachel," the woman interrupted. "Who you are is enough."

"It doesn't feel like it," she murmured, destroying her words that she built on in the game and starting over.

"Why don't you think about this? Have you ever wondered why your family works so hard to protect you?"

She gave a shrug. "Because they feel an obligation to conserve the innocence I personify," she said casually.

"You're really too smart for your own good," Elyse said with a gently smile.

"Not smart enough," she said as she tried to rebuild a new combination of words in the game. "I still believed him," she whispered.

"Rachel, your family protects you because you are so special," she smiled.

"They would protect me if I wasn't," Rachel said not noticing her admission.

"But they do because they love exactly who you are and that's enough," Elyse said. "You're so special."

Rachel frowned. She knew she was different, but she was tired of sticking out. For one of the first times in her life she was determined to blend in.

….

An hour later they were in the air. Noah was snoring next to her and she was looking around her at the quiet plane. She leaned back. she was exhausted but her brain was so full. She tried to look out the window but her son was leaning against it and was drooling on himself as he slept. She continued to mull over her son's words. She and her husband... her ex husband... were a great team. However, he was constantly undermining her authority. She frowned as she closed her eyes.

_Shelby leaned against the chair with a sigh. Rachel look at her with a smile from the stroller. She was still irritated with Leroy and Hiram that the made their regular exchange place of the kids McDonalds. However, both Leroy and Shelby couldn't be without the kids for more than two to three days. Shelby had put her foot down and arranged that the McDonald's meet up was still only once a week even though they exchanged the kids more frequently. Leroy usually joined Shelby during her time with the children and they somehow made it work. Shelby friends who had divorced recently thought she was crazy to share time with her ex. They told her that that's not how divorces work. She simply explained that's how it worked for them. _

_Today, was not a Leroy day though. She sighed. Leroy had kissed Rachel goodbye because Noah and Santana were only able to take a break from playing long enough to wave, and then left with his new husband. Shelby frowned. They were at a romantic restaurant with real food and cloth napkins and she was stuck with food that was taking five years off her adult life and filling her children with sugar and fatty calories. She looked down at Rachel who was frowning up at her. Shelby sighed. She was stuck in the playplace with a semi-cranky eighteen month old, an undoubtedly cranky six and a half year old, and a sugar high eight and half year old. She closed her eyes. She could feel a migraine coming. It could be worse, she told herself. WE could be at Chuckie Cheeses. She sighed heavily and looked down at her baby bug. _

"_Rachel," she said with a heavy sigh when she saw her tiny toddler almost successfully maneuver out of her stroller straps. If she didn't love Santana so much, she would have killed her for teaching her baby girl how to undo all of the straps from her booster seat at the house to the stroller seat. Rachel being Rachel with a combination of already knowing the how to put her favorite music CD in the stereo at Shelby's apartment, had already mastered the art of getting out of the stroller. _

_Rachel looked back at her with a frown. _

"_No," Shelby said with a shake of her head and a raise of her eyebrows, her serious face. "No, Rachel. You need to stay with Mommy." She pointed at Rachel uneaten food. "Eat your chicken please. If you're not going to eat the food I brought, you need to eat this." The tiny toddler pouted and reached for her pacifier that was on the table next to Shelby on top of a baby wipe. Shelby hated the germs at McDonalds. "Bug, no," Shelby said again with a sigh. She leaned down and put two pieces of the ripped nugget in front of her. "Eat those last two and then you can have your binki." _

_Rachel shook her head. "No, Mumma!" _

_Shelby's eyes widened with an annoyed roll. "Okay, princess. You cool down there and let me know." _

_Rachel began to pull at her straps again. "Sanny!" she pouted. "I play! Play!" She leaned out over the stroller and pointed at the tall tubes that she was sure were giving the other children a staph infection. "No 'icken! No!" She said as she picked up the pieces and threw them as far away from her on the tray as possible. She pointed at the tubes and smiled as Santana waved at her before heading down the slide. "Sanna!" _

"_We do not throw food, Rachel. No." Shelby shook her head. "Not okay. Mommy is not happy." _

_Rachel stopped frowning. "Mommy mad?" _

_Shelby shook her head. "Mommy's sad that Rachel isn't eating and mad that Rachel threw her food, but Mommy loves Rachel very much."_

_The baby frowned and held out her hands. "Yucky!" _

_Shelby laughed. "Yeah, yucky is right." She took Rachel out of the stroller and pulled her into her lap as she cleaned her hands. Santana came bounding over to them tickling Rachel with a smile. _

"_Hi, Mom!" Santana smiled as she reached for a French Fry, much to Shelby's attempt to hold out a clean baby wipe to her. "Sorry," she said with her mouth full._

"_If we eat, Santana, we need to sit," Shelby said. Santana rolled her eyes. "Santana, would you like to sit here for the rest of the time?" _

"_No," she muttered. "Then knock off the attitude." _

"_I want Daddy to come back. He forgot to give me my goodbye hug and kiss," Santana said with a pout. _

"_Because you wouldn't come down, Taz," she said with a sigh. "You were too busy playing with your new friend."_

"_Well, Julie's gone now!" she said with a huff. "I want my daddy to come back. Please call him." _

"_Santana," Shelby said with a sigh. "You will see him the day after tomorrow. I promise. You can call him later tonight. He and Hiram are out on a date." _

"_I hate Hiram," she said with a frown. _

"'_Ate him!" Rachel echoed. _

"_Santana, we do not hate," Shelby said sternly but gently. "We can talk about you having some special time with your dad okay? He's been wanting to take you to the studio more. Would you like that?" _

_Santana instantly brightened. "Okay." _

_Shelby gave her daughter a stern look. "Do not hate, Hiram, sweetheart. We can talk more about how he makes you feel later." _

"_Like when I was angry at the Sanchez brothers next door and you let me throw tomatoes in the backyard?" she asked with a smile. _

_Shelby frowned as she remembered the energy releasing exercise. Needless to say, the therapeutic session with Santana hadn't gone as Shelby planned. "Maybe not to throw things. We'll see," she said with a smile. The mother frowned and looked around the cramped space. "Where's your brother?" _

_Santana shrugged. Shelby sighed. The ball pit was only ten or fifteen feet away; she was confident that she could hear her son in it. She would be able to see and hear the girls from there if she checked. She restrapped Rachel in the stroller, telling the toddler again that she was not to undo the straps. Rachel nodded and in return received her pacifier. She smiled with triumphant glee. _

"_San, stay right here with Rachel, okay?" Shelby said. "I'm just going to look at the ball pit." _

"_Kay," Santana said as she offered Rachel a fry and the tiny girl shook her head in disgust. _

_Shelby peeked into the ball pit and her son, her little man was screaming along with two other boys about the "Raining Balls of Death" as they each took turns pummeling each other in the face with plastic balls. _

"_Noah!" she scolded just as one of the boys was hit in the face. "Apologize this instant and get out of there." _

_Noah frowned and climbed out of the ball pit. He sighed as Shelby began to scold him about hitting people in the face with items. Didn't his mom understand it was a game? The other kid's mom didn't drag him out when he himself got hit in the face! Noah smiled instead he had victoriously hit him with a double shot. Boom bam! He thought in his head. _

"_Noah, are you listening?" she asked suddenly leaning down and looking him the eyes. _

"_No, Ma," he said with a sigh. "Sorry." _

"_We are leaving," she said with a roll of her eyes as they headed back to the table. She looked up and frowned. Santana wasn't at the table and Rachel wasn't in her stroller. She sighed. She didn't need this. She didn't need this at all. _

"_Mumma! She wanted to come too, okay?" Santana called from above her. She looked and there in the stacked staircase, shielded in by mesh and fabric that Shelby assumed barely passed the safety inspection, was her fearless daughter pulling her tiny toddler. "I want to show her the tunnels and the slides." _

"_Santana," Shelby said attempting to keep her cool. "Rachel is not big enough to be up there. You need to come down right now. It's time to go home." _

_Shelby frowned as her elder daughter whispered into Rachel's ear. Rachel nodded around as her teeth held her pacifier with thoughtful determination and Santana lifted her with a grunt of great effort on to the last top step. "Me and Rach want Daddy. Rachel is holding me hostage and I'm holding her hostage. Kay?" Santana called down casually. _

_Shelby groaned. Ever since, Santana realized the use and effective response that she received when her parents used the cell phone, she wouldn't stop requesting its powerful use. The last time was when Noah, per Santana's demand pretended that he lost his tooth and demanded that his mother come to their father's brown stone to help look for it. Shelby was not impressed when she discovered that Leroy had given into the kids faux panic and didn't even check if Noah had lost his tooth. Needless to say, the children disliked not having both parents together so they were teaming up to have them be in the same space. _

"_Santana Louise Corcoran! This is unacceptable you need to come down here right now," Shelby said with her hands on her hips. _

"_Ma, you need a hostage na...nip... nar... We need a hostage narcissistic," Noah said confidently._

_Shelby frowned. "Noah, go put on your shoes and clean up the table. In that order please," shelby said with a frustated grown. She turned her attention back to her girls who were now rocking in the tilting tube and mocking her. Shelby growled at the world. The universe was mocking her through her children. "Santana, you need to come down this instant. For every minute you do not listen, you will have to sit with me in the kitchen and write about what you did." _

"_I want Daddy," Santana said with a more determined frown. _

"_I am not calling your father, Santana," Shelby said. "You need to come down here right now. You will not be happy if I come up there." _

"_No," Santana said folding her arms. _

"_No!" Rachel echoed and looked up at Santana for approval, the six year old nodded in delight. _

"_No!" another girl yelled. _

_Shelby frowned and shook her head. "You have two minutes, Santana. If you and Rach don't come down here, then I am coming up. I guarantee you that you do not want that." Shelby then looked sheepishly at the other mother. "I apologize. She doesn't do this typically." _

"_Well, once is enough!" the mother said. "COME DOWN HERE NOW!" the other mother screamed at the girl who had been mimicking Santana. The girl looked sheepish and began to climb down. "You should yell at your child more often," she hissed as she grabbed her child by the arm and left the playplace with ahuff. _

_Shelby sighed and turned her attention to her eldest daughter. She locked her eyes with her eldest daughter and shook her head with exhaustion. _

"_The longer you stay up there , San," she said with a frown in a town that she was clear, stern tone. "The longer that you AND Rachel will be in quiet time." She saw Santana look at Rachel and the guilt set in. "Both of you, in separate areas for at least five minutes and you're working on ten." She saw that she was getting to her daughter. She saw it in her eyes. And then something changed. _

"_Daddy!" Santana smiled _

"_Hey, buddy," a familiar voice said behind her. Shelby turned with a groan and she turned with a huff and looked at her ex-husband. "What are you doing?" _

_Leroy was kissing Noah on the top of his head and Noah was rolling his eyes in embarrassment. His eyes darted much like Noah's did when he thought he was in trouble. Two peas in a pod. He patted Noah gentle on the shoulder and walked over to the stroller, peaking in expecting to see his baby girl. _

_He frowned and reached in the bag under the stroller, pulling out his wallet in triumph. "Forgot it," he said with a shrug. "We got to the restaurant and realized it -" _

"_Hiram wasn't going to pay?" Shelby said with a frown. "I would have dropped it off later." _

"_Shelby, I'm not getting into this with you now," he said with a sigh. He looked around with a smile. "Where are my baby girls?" _

_Shelby rolled her eyes. "They took each other hostage. Causing a scene. Making negotiations to get you back here... you know, the norm." _

_He frowned and followed Shelby's gaze up into the tubes. Santana was smiling at him. _

"_I'll be right down!" Santana called. "Rachel's coming now. I'll push her down." _

_Shelby and Leroy both jumped for the slide. "Santana, no!" _

_Too late. _

"Ma!"

Her eyes snapped open as she jumped.

"We landed," he said with gently.

She gave him a small nod, remembering how Rachel emerged from that slide ride, terrified but laughing and then how Leroy had to climb into the tubes after Santana. She remembered standing there, watching him as she was left to hold their baby girl wondering if she would ever be enough to go after them or if Leroy was always going to have to be her co-parent.

She frowned deeper. Are you waiting for him to come back? She asked herself. She knew the answer. She didn't have to keep asking herself the question. She was practically still married to her dead ex husband. She didn't talk about this sad portion of her life. She didn't talk about the fact that she only went on two dates since Leroy and how it ended terribly both times, and despite what the children thought, it wasn't because Santana super-glued his socks to his shoes. He had left because of her. He had left because every time he came over they barely had time to talk because the kids were interrupting, and when they weren't Shelby always found an excuse to check on them. Her longest relationship had been two months. She sighed and took a moment to be selfish. Was she going to be alone forever? She frowned. It wasn't the fact that she felt so alone that made her ache. It was that there was a huge part of her that still expected that he would call her... or show up at the house because he forgot his wallet.

She knew that she reached an all time low a couple years ago when Joey bought her "The Rabbit" for Christmas. Needless to say that wasn't a gift that was opened with the family. She sighed. She couldn't do this. She couldn't think about this. She needed to get through a trial and get the kids to the next step in their lives. She would think about herself later, but she reminded herself that if Gus gave her a second glance maybe she would give in.

She gave him a weak smile. "Let's go see who's picking us up."

….

Quinn took a deep breath as she headed toward the car.

"How was it?" Joey asked.

"Fine,"she said with a quiet nod.

Joey started the car and headed toward the house. She pulled a sandwich out of her purse on the center console. "I bought you a bacon cheeseburger and fries."

"Why? Are you trying to kill me?" Quinn said trying not to be tempted by the smell. She held up her cast. "This isn't helping me stay in shape."

"I said you need to eat. I brought you food," Joey said putting the bag in her lap.

"In the car?"

"Yup," Joey said. "Rachel is in her appointment now and you need to have yours when you get back. If you don't want to eat in the car you can eat during your appointment."

"I don't need to have an appointment," she said casually as she looked into the bag and ate a french fry.

"Really? Because you haven't talk to her for a while," Joey said sarcastically. "It's going to happen."

Quinn rolled her eyes and leaned back. With a slight frown she gave into the smell of the bacon and quietly ate some of the burger. She arrived home and by this point her side, where she just got the tattoo, was itching like a mother. When she walked in Rachel shot off of the couch and hugged her. She frowned. She needed to spend more time with this girl.

"Hey," she smiled.

Rachel frowned. "You smell like bacon." She looked at her aunt. "She smells like bacon."

"Did you get a burger?" Santana called out from the living room. "I want a burger."

"You can eat my other half. I left some fries too," she said holding up the bag.

"Nope, you're finishing that," Joey said leading her to the study. "Go meet with Elyse."

"Mom's gonna be home soon," Rachel said with a frown. "She texted me and said they're about a half hour away."

"She texted me too, bug," Joey said. "And she said that she might sneak into the end of Quinn's appointment." She nodded at the blonde. "Alright?"

"Why?" Quinn frowned trying to offer Santana the bag of food again only to have Joey shove it back in her arms.

"I don't know," Joey said. "I'm her sister not her psychic."

"But you're nosey," Quinn pointed out.

"Truth," Santana said from the living room.

"She's not nosey. She just inquires a lot," Rachel said looking over her shoulder at Santana.

"Same thing," Quinn said.

"Yup, preach it," Santana called again.

"Alright enough," Joey said. "Quinn, as much as I'm sure Elyse loves spending time here you shouldn't keep her waiting."

"Why not? We're paying her, aren't we?" Quinn retorted.

"Quinn!" Joey said in frustration.

"It's true," Rachel said. "We do pay her."

"We totally do," Santana said from the living room at the same time.

"Exactly," Quinn said nodding at her. "Probably, pay her too much huh?"

"We don't pay her too much," Rachel said. "Do we?"

"Well she just comes and plays games with us," Santana pointed at her as she came into the entryway.

"I think so," Quinn said trying once again to offer Santana the food.

"Enough!" Joey said. She pointed at Quinn. "You. Go meet with her. I don't care how much you think she deserves. You two," she pointed at Santana and Rachel. "Kitchen. Homework . Now."

Santana sighed and led Rachel into the kitchen. Quinn watched them head out instantly jealous that she didn't get to escape into the kitchen. Elyse popped into the hallway.

"Ready?"

"Yes, she is," Joey said. "Make sure she finishes that burger."

"She's trying to inflict me with heart disease and high cholesterol," Quinn groaned.

Elyse nodded and motioned for Quinn to come into the study. The girl took a seat and sat heavily in the large chair that she knew Elsye normally sat in. She wasn't in the mood for this. Not one bit.

"Can we get this 'so your bio-mom's dead let's talk about feelings' conversation over with quickly?" she asked as she unconsciously opened her bag and grabbed another fry.

"Quinn, that's up to you," Elyse said coyly.

The blonde sighed in frustration. She frowned. "My sisters and I were talking. How much do you make?" she asked rudely.

"Quinn, that's not appropriate for this conversation-" she said.

"Whatever," she sighed. "Listen," she said unconsciously taking an angry bite of the burger. "If it is up to me, we are done here. She's dead. I moved on. Done." She took another bite of the burger. "Tell my aunt that I will be upstairs on your way out."

"That's not an option," Elyse said. "We don't have to talk about her, but you need to have this session."

"What's the point if I'm not going to talk?" Quinn retorted. "Shouldn't you be focused on San and Rach? If you haven't noticed, they're hurting more than me. I don't care about my birth mother."

"You don't care about what she left you?" Elyse countered.

"It was just guilt money. I don't need to forgive her. I don't have this hate toward her. She's just a person that made my life miserable and now she's in the ground." Quinn stared down at the burger in her hand and then her food, suddenly feeling disgusted.

"What is it?" Elyse asked.

"I don't want this," she spat. "I'm full."

"Because of your mother?" she asked.

"What? No!" Quinn chewed her lip. She lied. The physicality of death terrified her more than the ideology of it. She remembered reading a poem in her English literature book from AP English. It was all about the physicality of death. The maggots. The decay. The brutality of nature. She hated her-She hated Judy. But thinking of anyone being eating by the harshness of nature was terrible. "I'm going to throw up."

She sprinted out of the study to the bathroom and squeezed her eyes shut. Slamming the toilet lid open, she released the contents of her stomach into the bowl. All she could picture were her mother's decaying eyes. She threw up again.

"Are you okay?" Joey asked coming into the bathroom and holding her hair back. "What were you talking about?"

"Nothing," Quinn hissed as she wiped her mouth.

"Are you sick? Do you have the flu?" Rachel asked from the doorway.

"I'm glad I didn't eat that burger," Santana said.

"Ewww, it smells like bacon vomit," Rachel said with a frown.

Joey took a deep breath. She had two boys. Still, she wasn't used to the incessant never ending female chatter unless it was her own. "Enough," Joey said again. "Out!"

Joey closed the door and turned back to Quinn, who was now rinsing out her mouth and washing her hands at the sink.

Quinn glared at her aunt as she dried off her hands. "Can I just lay down?"

"Yes, in there, as you talk to Elyse," she said.

"I don't want to," Quinn frowned.

"Well, I don't want to go through menopause but it's inevitable," Joey said back. "Wash up and lay down on the couch in here. I'll get you some water."

Quinn frowned and sighed heavily.

"Fine," she sighed and lay down on the couch. "I'm done talking about it. It is over. Why bring it up?" She huffed and leaned back in her seat. She wasn't going to be here. "Do you know what my mom wants to talk about?"

Elyse nodded, but didn't answer.

"I'm not talking about Judy. She's in the ground being eaten by bugs and ….." Her ferocious words died down. "What did my mom want?"

"She'll want to wait until she gets here to talk to you about it," Elyse said, simply. "Do you think of her as your mother?"

Quinn softened. "Of course, I do." She looked at her hands. "I know I might be out of place saying it, but... I need to say it while I can."

"Are you going somewhere?" Elyse asked cautiously.

"Everything comes to an end," she replied tracing her cast. "It's inevitable. Might as well embrace it."

"What if there was a way that it didn't end. Would you chose that?" Elyse asked.

"You mean adoption?" Quinn asked without hesitation. She shook her head. "I know she's thinking about it, but there's no way that... I just... The state wants to get rid of me."

"And what better place to do so in a home that you actually want to be in?" she countered.

Quinn shook her head. "I know that I sound like I'm beating a dead horse... well... not actually beating a horse." She frowned with embarrassment. "I don't know what that sounds like. I'm not a psychopath who kills cats. Though... at the group home there was a girl who talked about killing cats, casually... you might want check that out."

"If it is who I think it is, you're fine," Elyse said.

"You're not very good at confidentiality," Quinn pointed out. "I should talk to my mom about that."

"I didn't reveal who she was, Quinn," she said simply.

Quinn pointed at her with her uncasted hand. "But you implied." She shook her head. "What I'm trying to say is... Shelby has enough problems and..."

"Quinn, having you come into the family isn't like a random side order that she can send back to the kitchen," Elyse said.

The blonde frowned. "You clearly were just talking to Rachel." She bit her lip. "Listen, I know how things work. I lived in that group home... granted not for long... but long enough to know how many kids run away every day and how many people don't care about them... How they go and live at foster homes and after one bad incident they're sent back and-"

"Do you think Shelby would do any of that?"

Quinn frowned. "She hasn't yet...but she will. It's impending. It's inevitable. Granted, her track record with her three children might show otherwise... but..." Quinn shook her head. "Listen, I trust her, but I'm waiting for the ball to drop... I'm waiting for it to end. I would love more than anything to be a Corcoran forever, and I know in some strange way, I already am... but I still feel like I'm playing dress up." She frowned and looked at her broken arm. "I pretended so long to be someone I wasn't... to be whole and … put together... And I wasn't..."

"How do you feel now?" Elyse asked.

Quinn shook her head. "I don't know. Scattered?" She sighed. "Rachel is really really going to need Shelby and she needs to focus on Rachel and San and as much as she loves me and is there for me..." The blond trailed off as she stared at her cast. She took a breath and refocused the conversation as she looked up at Elyse. "It will make her life easier, I get it. She is one of a kind, but now that I am free and clear it might be easier for me to age out or apply for emancipation."

"Can I be honest with you?" Elyse asked.

"Isn't that what you're paid to do?" she retorted.

"No one is going to grant you emancipation, Quinn," Elyse said carefully.

The blonde looked at her with a deep set frown. "Why?" she frowned. "I have my own money. I have money! Shelby got me through the hard stuff... Now she can get back to her family."

"It's not about the money, and didn't you say you were a part of this family?" Elyse countered. "Legally, Quinn, a judge won't grant you emancipation …. with your history."

"My dad is gone and my birth mother is dead," she growled. "They don't matter. I'm alive and I need to be on my own."

"Is it that you want to be on your own, Quinn, or that you want to be out of people's way?" Elyse countered. "I respect you and I know that Shelby loves you. If she wanted to adopt you, would you do it?"

The girl felt the itch of her tattoo again. "I'm already a Corcoran... in my own way..." She frowned. "I don't need her to adopt me to know that."

Elyse nodded. "But is it what you want?"

"In so many ways it's what I've always wanted," she muttered. "But what you want and what you actually need are different."

"How so?" she asked.

She frowned. "Listen, I know I'm being contradictory, but I'm sixteen. I'm stupid. I know she would never ask me to leave. I know that, but... Life happens. It's not just about being a burden or an extra weight..." Quinn looked at her. "To me, I'll always be a part of this family, I don't need an adoption to tell me that and I know that... things can be out of my hands... out of both of our hands."

Quinn frowned knowing that she was barely making any sense. She took a deep breath and looked out the window.

"They're home."

…..

Santana sat quietly at the counter. She could feel Rachel's eyes on her.

"What's wrong, bug?" she asked.

"Why did you ask it like that?" Rachel asked with a sigh. "Are you mad at me?"

Santana took a deep breath. She could feel her grandmother's eyes on her as well as her sister. "No," she said honestly.

"But she's mad in general," Nana said.

"No, I'm not," Santana countered with a frown.

"Is that why you left last night?" Rachel asked honestly.

Santana looked at her grandmother. "I'm not mad."

"It's okay to be mad."

"I'm not mad!" she hissed.

"She's just on edge because Noah went to see him," Rachel said looking at Santana and then back at her grandmother. "You can't tell her how she feels, Nana."

"I'm not," Helen said. "But I think that you girls try to filter your feelings in front of each other."

"I don't," Santana hissed.

Rachel looked at her hands for a moment and then looked back up. "Me neither," she mumbled after a moment.

Santana looked at her with frown, hesitating as she wondered if she was leading Rachel into a direction she didn't want her to become: herself.

"Rachel knows she can be honest with me," Santana said with a smile. She narrowed her eyes, hating as the words left her lips but giving in. "I'm …. I'm pissed as hell that he went and I couldn't stop him."

"Santana!" Helen hissed. "Watch your mouth."

"I thought were were talking about feelings," she spat. "Those are my feelings!"

"Do you think he feels better? After seeing him?" Rachel asked trying to calm her sister down.

"I don't think so, but I'm sure he feels something," Santana frowned.

"What do you wish would have happened?" Rachel asked honestly.

"I wish..." Santana sighed. "I don't know."

Rachel looked up at her. Her sister was a mess. She didn't know how to help her. She didn't know how to do that. Noah was supposed to protect them and he went to _him_ instead. The man who still haunted Santana's dreams. Rachel wasn't stupid. She knew that Hiram had hurt her... and made her do things. While, Santana thought it wasn't the same … Rachel tried to take a deep breath and push past the discomfort that hadn't gone away between her legs. The same discomfort that hadn't gone away since …. the car accident and her teacher. She wondered if Santana ever hurt like that. Or Quinn.

"Rachel," Santana whispered, bringing her younger sister out of her thoughts.

"I'm sorry you feel so alone," Rachel whispered.

"Bug," she muttered. "I don't. I have you," she said gently pulling her toward her.

She frowned and tried to soak her tears back in. All she could do in this moment was think about how necessary it was to grow up. Rachel's ears perked up when she suddenly heard a car pull into the driveway. She shot out of her seat.

….

Noah sighed. His head was all over the place. He couldn't focus Not one bit, but he couldn't even realize what was going on around him. He hadn't even realized that they were home until there was a knock on the window. Being with his mom and being in New York had been a rush of confusion. It felt right before, but now... in the afterthoughts of it, he didn't know what to say. He expected something more.

He opened the door and stood. Suddenly he felt two tiny hand push into his gut.

"Ugh," he groaned.

"How could you? How could you do that?" Rachel sobbed and pushed him again causing him to stumble back.

"Rachel," Shelby said.

Noah shook his head and looked back at Rachel. "I'm sorry, Rach," he said.

"How could you leave me like that? How could you leave Santana like that!?" she sobbed. "Why did you think you could do that?" She pushed at him weakly again. "What were you trying to do?"

He leaned down and picked her up gently as she sobbed into his neck. Her small fist hit him weakly on the chest. He looked up and made eye contact with Santana who was standing outside near the house. He shook his head and his eyes began to water. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

She couldn't hear him, but she saw what he was saying. Santana walked briskly to them and wrapped her arms around Noah and Rachel. He knelt on the ground Rachel leaned between them. Noah leaned his forehead against Santana's and cupped Rachel's face. It felt like he was in pieces.

….

Quinn watched out the window as the three siblings embraced. She felt grateful for them, but on the outside too.

Quinn stood. "Thanks for coming," she muttered. "You can go now." She said simply to Elyse.

She started toward the door and it swung open.

"Hi," Shelby smiled. "Sorry I'm late." She said pulling off her jacket and kissing Quinn on the top of her head. "Hey," she said gently.

"Uh... hi," Quinn muttered. "Shouldn't you be out there... with them?"

Shelby shook her head. "Nope, here's fine." She waved out the window. "They're fine. They needed some time together, plus I wanted to be in here with you."

Quinn frowned again. "Why?"

"Because," Shelby said. She searched the girl's eyes. "Did you do something different?" She combed her hair back. "There's something different about you." She narrowed her eyes and continued to search Quinn's face. "What is it?"

She shook her head. "Nothing," She lowered her head and wondered if her eyes could reveal that she had a tattoo on her hip. Could she see that? "I'm fine."

Shelby looked at her for a moment more and then looked away. "Okay." She smiled at Elyse. "So where are we?"

"Why did you want to come into my session?" Quinn asked bluntly.

"I just wanted to talk to you about something," Shelby said gently. She nodded at Elyse. "Something that I wanted Elyse to facilitate."

Quinn took a deep breath. "I …. I … um... Is this about adopting me?" She suddenly felt her eyes stinging.

Shelby gave a tiny smile and wrapped her arms around her, gently pulling her into a hug. "Yeah," she whispered.

Quinn leaned into her embrace. She had been trying every moment to deter her hope away from Shelby's love and acceptance. She knew it would end or something would happen. She didn't want to think about how much she wanted her love and wanted to be in this family, because then she was forced to think about how she got there.

"I can't," she muttered into Shelby's neck.

"Why? Can't what?"

"I can't ask that of you," she muttered. "It's … it's too much."

"You're not too much, Quinn," she said with a smile, wiping away her tears. "Honestly, this will be paperwork. It doesn't change our everyday and how we are. If you want we can change your last name, but that's up to you." Quinn leaned back. Her eyes watered. "You are already my daughter to me," Shelby went on. "That's not what will change. "You'll just be my daughter to the rest of the world."

"But... but... adoption isn't a sure thing... I mean... like you said... There's paperwork... I might get denied and …." Quinn ranted as she wiped her tears.

Shelby laughed. "I wasn't going to do it without your permission," she smiled kissing her cheek. "and I don't think we'll get denied. You want to be here right?"

Quinn looked at her. More than anything. "I just... I don't … It's not that." She motioned out the window. "You're children are slobbering on the lawn." Shelby laughed. The blonde looked at her seriously. "I … I can't ask that of you."

"Quinn," she said simply. "If you want you here, I want you here. I want you here more than anything. I want to paint your room upstairs. I want to go look at colleges when you're ready. I want to be with you every step of the way." She looked at her honestly. "I know that you have had a lot of changes over these past few months, and you've been sent through the wringer and I can understand if you don't want to be permanently apart of this family."

"I do," she said quickly.

"And it's okay to have doubts," Elyse said. "Like Shelby said, it's a lot of big steps."

Quinn nodded and looked at her hands. It was a step that she wanted a take but knew that if things didn't go through, she didn't know if she could survive g to leave that. She sighed. "I … I want this... I just... I don't want to get my hopes up," she muttered. "Plus... I think you're biting off more than you can chew. I mean do you even work anymore."

Shelby smiled. "We're fine financially. You should never have to worry about that."

Quinn bit her lip. "I... um... What if i crack and go crazy and become a serial killer?" Her words tumbled out of her mouth. She looked up when she was met with silence. "It could happen."

"Well, firstly, I hope that you don't become a serial killer," Shelby said gently. "Killing is bad."

"I'm not a cat killer," Quinn said quickly.

Shelby looked at Elyse questioningly. The woman shook her head to ignore it.

The blonde went on. "I … Um... I …. What if... What If I can't be a Corcoran forever?"

"Your father and your sister don't have any rights to see you again," Shelby said. "You may be eighteen soon but you don't owe them anything. Listen, Quinn, you're going to mess up. I don't expect you to be perfect. But I will always love you. No matter what you do."

I think you're speaking too soon, Quinn thought suddenly feeling the itch of her tattoo and aching for cigarette.

"Joey is already looking into the paper work. Jackie and I will talk with you more about this soon but I just... I wanted to talk to you about it first," Shelby said gently.

"I want to be a Corcoran," she whispered. "I just... I don't know if I can be."

Elyse gave her a soft look.

"To me you already are," Shelby said gently.

….

Bear led Rachel back into the house to be put on the nebulizer much to her distaste.

Santana watched her brother go to the car.

"Are you going to help me, buckwheat?" he asked with a grin.

Santana rolled her eyes and followed him to the Range Rover and grabbed the bags. She started toward the house.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, not meeting her eyes. She didn't reply. "I really am."

"Forget it," she muttered.

"We went to see him," he muttered leaning back against the bumper and dropping the bags on the pavement.

"I know, idiot," she hissed as she sat next to him.

"Not him," he replied quietly. Santana bowed her head and crossed her arms. She couldn't look at her brother. "Don't worry, I asked for a place in heaven for you."

Santana wiped her eyes and scoffed. "Noah, going to someone's graveside isn't like going to confession... or something..."

"It's just... you did that, remember?"

Santana folded her arms more tightly. "No, I didn't..."

"Yeah, you did, remember?" he said nudging her elbow. "It's what you do."

"What are you talking about, Noah?"

He smiled. "The last funeral we went to. Uncle Bruno's... dad's brother."

Santana frowned. "Um... I was like five...Rachel wasn't even born."

"I know... but someone at school told us about heaven and hell and said that we better reserve our spots in heaven," Noah said with a smile.

"Again, I think that was our next door neighbors and she said that because you peed in her garden on her terrace," Santana said.

Noah smiled. "I know... but um... At Uncle Brunos's funeral you saved me a spot in heaven." She watched Santana hear his words. "I was just returning the favor. You said that everyone was a shoe in but that I needed back up."

She frowned. "Again... I was five... I had no idea what I was saying."

"You've always had my back, San," he said quietly. "I'm sorry I didn't bring you with me …. but I couldn't..."

"It's not just that you didn't..." she muttered. "It was the fact that you knew I couldn't. She said with a sigh. She laughed. "Who's going to save Rach and Quinn and spot?"

"Naw, they're good," he smiled. "Right?"

She nodded and folded her arms. "Did you see him?... That... him...?"

"No," he said gruffly. "Needed clearances or whatever. Of course, I didn't think about that."

"I'm glad you didn't see him," she said. "But I'm sorry you didn't get what you wanted."

"I'm sorry I ditched you at a rest stop," he said with a small smile. He paused for a second. "I miss him a lot. I feel like I'm forgetting who he was."

Santana nodded and felt a lump in her throat. "I miss him all the time." She looked at her brother. "You're a lot like him." She smiled. "More than you know."

"How would you know?" He laughed.

"Because I know everything and I remember him," Santana said with a roll of her eyes. Her gaze softened. "And you're a lot like him. You're short tempered, but honorable and kind and you hold Rachel like he did."

"Well, he taught me to hold her so I wouldn't drop her," he scoffed. "We should talk about him more, huh?"

Santana laughed. "I think so." She looked toward the house. "I think it would be good for Rachel too..." She shrugged. "To hear about him more I mean."

He nodded and continued to stand silently for a few moments. "What do you remember most?" Noah asked.

"How he would break the rules... all of the time. Like bedtime, snacks before dinner... Mom got so mad at him. He would kiss her and say someting about how Mom shouldn't waste her worry on little things." Santana smiled at the thought. "I know that they weren't always happy... and that they fought a lot... but they were best friends. It was weird, huh?"

He nodded. "It was home though." He thought back to his conversation with his mother. "Do you ever remember making Peppermint Ice Cream with him?"

"Uh...yeah," she said with a laugh. "You don't?"

He gave a small nod. "I might need you to refresh my memory."

**I know this is late. I'm sorry. I also know it's short. I'm sorry again for that. However, I wanted to have it up before I went to work. I hope it's alright. Thanks again for your continuous support. Please check out my tumblr. I've posted a fantastic trailer for this little fic. :) **


	54. Chapter 54

Guest – As sad as it is for Santana to peel back the layers – she is starting to and that is what is great about it. Santana and Joey do have a great relationship because while they fight Santana always knows if she cant go to mom Joey is there for her. Noah wanted to be a police officer is going to have a wonderful effect on his relationship with his uncle as well as his grandfather. But Shelby will always worry about her baby boy. Quinn and Joey's relationship is very similar to Santana and Joey's relationship and the bond will be strong as well. Thank you for the review. It was great to read!

GleeFanatic1988 – Glad you enjoyed – Thank you!

dolphinluver46 – I think if Shelby finds out about the tattoo that will eliminate if Quinn gets another date added to it. Shelby will not be too happy. Thanks for the review.

A C one – Two words – THANK YOU!

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for letting Bear and Noah getting a hold of him first. The trial is probably going make you hate him even more. Thanks for reviewing.

Queen Nan – I think there are a lot of people that hope those 3 rot in jail. Thank you for loving my story and allowing me to share it. The reason they did not do a rape kit on the first attack will be addressed in this chapter but Rachel was lying and not forthcoming as to what happened and there were no marks or bruises to indicate her story was false so that is a major reason why she wasn't taken to the hospital. And even though they all felt something happened Rachel denied it. Reviews make me know that people are still reading and enjoying it.

lovecanbesostrange –  I am sorry I didn't mean to toy with your feelings that badly. Santana grew a lot with Elyse but she still has so much more to learn and let out so it was a great therapy session. It helps tremendously that Elyse has known this family for so long and yet she can treat the girls all differently. She is a great therapist and she is worth her money. Quinn's issues are incredibly deep and will take years to even all come to the surface. She basically has been told her whole life by people that are supposed to love you unconditionally that she was unwanted and that she was trash so she has to relearn almost everything. Her first reaction to everything will be tested. Joey loves them so much and they are so relaxed around her – and that is part of the reason she is so good for them. If or when Kate comes back it may be both good and bad because she will be just as nervous around the kids and that will affect their relationship as well. I highly doubt that Santana or Quinn has masturbated yet and Quinn is actually going to have to have a sex talk with Shelby sooner or later. Rachel will begin to have one here but these girls need professionals to help them as well as mom due to their past experiences. It will not be easy. Finally Noah while starting to look like a man – still is Shelby's baby boy and they will always need their special time and talks. I am so glad you are so involved in the story and I love your reviews. Thank you so much.

Lolathe17th – Shelby is very much needed by all the girls but it was good to show them that they can be away from her for a night or two. It wont happen a lot and especially not for a while but it was good. Rachel was too young to know Leroy so she only can imagine him. Thanks you for the review.

Abbie – Shelby is very loving and caring. Don't worry about not reviewing – although I do love reviews very very much.

Bookworm0485 – In this story Quinn is 16 so she does very much mind that Quinn got that tattoo and based on her health and her foster status and her forgery Quinn will have a lot of explaining to do. The trial is going to be tough and you will get a glimpse of what it will be like in this chapter. Thank for reviewing.

Fangirl44 – Thank you for reviewing. I try to update faster but life always seems to be getting in the way lately – sorry about that.

Renata – I am so glad you enjoyed this chapter. They have all made little steps and right now we are starting to see Santana grow a little more. All of them have self esteem issues and all of them will continue to need counseling and a lot of it. Tina hasn't appeared yet but you will see Kurt re-appear in this chapter. I am not sure about Tina yet. Thank you so much for your comments. They are too nice. Thank you for reviewing.

littleredwritinggleek – Kate may or may not try and reach out again. It is very hard on families and she is indeed missing out on their lives. It is truly her loss. I think you are correct about Shelby's reaction to Quinn's tattoo. You are also correct that it is a giant step for Santana to admit she needs help. The road ahead is tough but they will all journey on it together. Thanks for the review.

Scout88 – Santana is angry and because she is angry she cusses and lashes out because that is the way she tries to cope – similar to Quinn who when she is angry she reverts into herself – they both are only 16 years old and need therapy to find other ways to express their anger and displeasure with a situation and that will come with time and age. You will see Shelby's reaction to the tattoo in this chapter. Quinn unfortunately due to her breaking some rules again may have limited access to any friends for a while. While Shelby knows and appreciates that she is going through a very trying and tough time she needs to reign her in and make sure she doesn't go too far. There is no way really that Quinn can go full skank in my story because Shelby and the rest of the Corcorans are too attentive to the kids to let that happen. Perhaps Kate will come around but she is missing out and that will be her own fault. I am sorry you were frustrated with Leroy but sometimes there is a good parent and a bad parent in a loving way – one of my beta's has that – daddy is always the one that is the fun one but for important things – he is always there for mommy so its ok and that is how Leroy was – Thank you again for your awesome review you always put so much thought and detail and I love it. Thanks

OTHangels – Thank you!

Kimberlli – I didn't want them too sappy but they are needed I think. There is a little drama that happens in this chapter so get the tissues ready. Thanks for the review.

Ryoko05 – I never try forget about Noah he is so important to me I am glad you like it. Sometimes it does get tough getting these chapters out because I know what it is like when I want a story to update and its been awhile. I really do my best but sometimes you are right and life gets in the way. I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you for your review and understanding.

marinka4 – Shelby and Noah are special to me. I love Noah and he needs more time with his mom. Each of the girls have different responses to Elyse and that's what makes Elyse's job difficult at times. Thanks so much for the review.

Yay – I am glad I made your day. You made mine by reviewing. Yes Shelby has said she has always wanted to adopt Quinn so she is going to try to do it now. Rachel has a lot of questions that still need to be answered and addressed when it comes to down there. She has been sick a while now but remember it hasn't been minor things – she has lost a kidney and was attacked so it is going to take time. Aunt Kate cant handle things and it wouldn't be good for anyone if she were around right now. She may come around though. Quinn did indeed go through with the tattoo. Thank you so much for the review.

MissPuckerman – Work still exists for me too so I understand more than you know. Thank you for your kind words. Quinn has had a lot of drama but unfortunately she is going to have more because we still have the trial to go through. Thank you for the review.

thelastcenturian – I am glad you enjoyed the little pieces of Leroy that I am able to add in. Thank you for reviewing.

look4me – You may cry for Quinn again this chapter I'm afraid. If Quinn changes her name and gets adopted by Shelby she will indeed be Corcoran – not any other name. You will see Shelby's reaction to the tattoo this chapter. I hope I don't disappoint you. I am glad you liked the flashback and yes it does happen a lot at McDonalds with kids. I am so happy that you love the story and my dream is to be published one day. Thank you for reviewing – it keeps me focused and wanting to write.

FlatWeasley – Thank you – I loved the trailer as well. It was perfect! Thanks for the review.

xX – Shelby's reaction to the tattoo is in this chapter – Quinn can't afford to be throwing up and getting sick anymore she is underweight as it is. Thank you for the review.

TommyH – My faithful fan I am glad you liked this chapter. You always review and I am very grateful so Thank you again!

broadwaybound2016 – Rachel will always be the baby but she does have to grow a little to protect herself and her family and she will but it will take time. I try to update as fast as I can but work and life gets in the way and I can't just throw chapters together – I need to be focused so I am so grateful for your continued patience. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thank you so much for the review.

**Chapter 54 **

**Thank you thank you! I want to thank amandaes417 and pcall006 for your feedback! Thank you! Thanks as always with a never ending thanks to my two awesome betas! I appreciate it so so much. I would be lost without you and you know it... legit! **

The weekend passed too quickly and Shelby found herself staring out the window Monday morning as her stomach gurgled with dread. Was she making the right choice by keeping her children in school? Or should she have kept the older ones at home with Holly too? And what about work? She was still able to do a few evaluations here and there over the past month or so now that her family was there to help watch the kids. She was able to sustain her contract with her department, but for how much longer? Would things have to get even worse before they got better? She shook her head. Things were better now. Perhaps, she would be able to get back to work, at least on a more regular basis soon. She loved being home with the kids. She loved having the luxury of seeing them, but she also hated the reason why she needed to be home with them all the time. She looked at her mug of coffee in thought. Rachel could barely leave the house. She shook her head. No, she's doing great, she scolded herself for doubting her daughter. Rachel would never be okay if her own mother doubted her. Kurt was coming over for a playdate this afternoon. Progress. Things were great, she told herself even though she felt as if she was bracing herself for a storm.

"What are you doing?" a voice asked behind her.

She turned and looked at her mother, who had yet another load of laundry to sort. "Mom, I can do that," she offered, though only half meaning it. She hated laundry.

"Yes, you can, but you don't want to," Helen said pointedly. "While the children sort the laundry in those bins upstairs, I've found that Noah's clothes tend to go in every pile. Perhaps I should do a lesson with him?"

"He would love that," Shelby said sarcastically with a roll of her eyes.

Holly was working with Rachel now as the older children were at school. She could hear Rachel talking quietly to her tutor about the project they were working on from the other room.

"Heard anything from the school?" Helen asked as she folded laundry.

"No," she said setting down her mug. "Don't jinx it please. We have a few more hours, then homework with Holly for the older three while Rachel has her playdate with Kurt, but we're not supposed to call it a playdate according to her because they're 'old,'...And then that woman from the court is coming over."

"Kurt? Isn't he that one boy's brother?" Helen asked.

Shelby nodded. "Rachel couldn't go over there, obviously," she said quietly. "But from what I gathered when I talked with Carole yesterday, they've been limiting Kurt's time with his brother and it's been stressful on them all, so … I think that he needs to have this time with Rach as much as she does." Shelby shook her head and looked toward the room where Rachel was working. "I just... I'm nervous for all of them. For the meeting with the ADA this afternoon, the kids at school and …. yeah... I just-"

Helen shook her head and looked at her daughter with a sigh. "You worry too much."

"How can I not?" she mumbled.

"You have to give your brain a break," Helen said quietly.

Shelby shook her head. "What I need … What we all need is to get back to our routine." She looked at her mother. "Rachel needs to get to school. I need to get back to work and... You guys need to go home."

Helen shook her head slightly. "We will see. Michael and I have talked about maybe heading down for the holidays, but …. It was your turn to host Christmas and your sister was supposed to host Thanksgiving this year and the last time she did that she pre-ordered everything. So..."

"Don't you think it's unfair that I'm having to put all this work into hosting basically both holidays because of everything going on?" Shelby asked with a frown.

"Do you want to fly your children back to Florida or eat Olive Garden for Thanksgiving?" Helen asked. "Plus we'll be here. It's not like you're doing this alone." She saw her daughter panicking. "How about your dad and I spend more time at Joey's house?"

"You'll kill each other," Shelby said.

"Maybe," Helen smiled. "But you're right. You guys need to get into a routine and maybe have the girls sleep in their own rooms, or at least have the option to."

Shelby gave a stifled laugh. "Let's not push it," she said with a weak smile.

"Mom?" Rachel called from the dining room interrupting their conversation.

"Rachel, you better be on break," Shelby called back. "Both Holly and I talked to you about this. Even though we're at home doesn't mean you are not still in school."

There was a moment of silence before there was a quiet mumble and the discussion about the assignment continued.

"Knock knock."

Shelby frowned. That was a man's voice. A man's voice that wasn't her father's and wasn't her brother-in-law's and certainly wasn't her son.

She turned and saw Gus standing half in and half out of the kitchen.

"Uh... Hi," Shelby said almost dropping her cup. Did she brush her hair today? She looked casually at her reflection in the microwave. Nope. Messy bun and yoga pants. Sexy, Shelby thought. Gah...Sex? Seriously, Shelby? Focus, you're taking too long he's going to think you are delayed. "What are you doing here?"

"Um..." Gus pulled a bakery bag from behind his back. "Pie. Apple, right?"

Fuck yes, yoga pants forever; lifetime alone. Check. "Thanks," Shelby said with a mild smile taking the pie. "Um... you stopped by to give me pie?"

"No," he laughed coming into the kitchen. "I was looking for Bear. He said he was working from home?"

"Is that a question?" Shelby chuckled. She shook her head. "He's not here. Technically he has his own home, you know?"

Gus frowned. "Joey said that he was here..."

She hardened her face and raised her eyebrow. "I'm sure she did," she mumbled as she put two and two together in her head. She shook her head. "They're both not here."

"What are you doing here?" Rachel asked from behind Shelby.

"Hi, Rachel," he smiled.

"Rachel, what did I just say?" Shelby said, slightly annoyed.

"Mumma, I'm getting water. Holly said okay," she said quietly.

"Quickly please," Shelby said handing her daughter a glass.

Rachel went the refrigerator and slowly filled her glass in the dispenser in the door.

"Why are you here?" she asked again. She spotted the bakery bag and spoke again before he could answer. "You brought my mom pie?"

He smiled. "How'd you know?"

She shrugged. "My mom likes pie. Did you bring her apple pie?" He nodded. "That's her favorite." She searched his face and then reached into the refrigerator to put ice cubes into her glass. Slowly, much to Shelby's annoyance.

"Rachel," Shelby said with a sigh. "That's enough ice. Go back in with Holly."

Rachel put one last ice cube in and then closed the refrigerator. She went to the man and waved her hand toward her, motioning for him to come closer. He leaned down and rested his hands on his knees. Shelby watched with further anxiety as Rachel spoke to him quietly but then also felt a hint of pride, realizing her child was interacting with him without hesitation. He smiled and nodded as she started out of the room.

"Like I said," Shelby said watching Rachel disappear back into the dining room. "They're not here."

"Who isn't?" Joey said pushing past Gus and into the kitchen as she set down her things. "Oh hey!" she smiled and looked at Gus. "What are you doing here?"

"You're not coy," Shelby frowned at her sister giving her an eye roll. She turned to face Gus again, "what did she say to you?"

"Who?" Joey asked as she changed her focus to her sister.

"Not you," Shelby said, shaking off her sister and pointing towards Gus. She continued, "My kid."

Gus smiled. "She just said that you go on runs after you eat lots of pie and …..I should go on a run with you too."

Shelby frowned. "Oh..." She smiled, embarrassed.

"That is a great idea!" Joey said with too much enthusiasm.

Shelby glared at Joey and turned back to Gus attempting to soften her gaze. "Bear should be at the station." She turned to her sister. "Shouldn't he, Jo?"

Joey rolled her eyes. "Yes." She nodded at Gus. "Did you bring me pie?"

Gus laughed. "Don't hold your breath, Jo." He shook his head. "Besides, you hate pie. Whenever we all used to go out to get pie you would complain that it wasn't cake."

Shelby looked at her sister who only shrugged. "That's true."

He nodded. "Well... I'll see ya?"

Shelby nodded back. "Thanks," she said holding up her bakery bag.

"Anytime," he said as he began to walk out. He paused at the door. "We should get coffee sometime."

"She likes coffee," Joey piped up.

Shelby glared at her again and then turned back to Gus. "Sure."

He smiled. "You have my number?"

She nodded. "Yeah." He nodded at Joey. "Don't be too obnoxious, trouble," he told her as he left the house.

"What was that?" Helen said from the laundry room.

Joey smiled. "Some guy I work with," she smiled. She turned to see her sister's furious look. "What?"

"What?" Shelby mocked. "What are you doing? I don't need to be set up and certainly not now," she added quietly, hinting toward the dining room. "What the hell was that?"

Joey set down her briefcase. "Calm down," she said with a slight roll of her eyes. "It's just this guy I work with, Mom. Both of us do. Technically, he works with Bear but..." She shrugged and leaned on the counter to be closer to her sister. "You were so sad this weekend. Seeing Leroy did that to you."

Shelby frowned. "I didn't see him," she said quietly. "I saw a slab of marble with his name etched into it."

"You know what I mean," Joey said with a sigh. "It's one of the reasons you moved from New York. It was too hard for you."

Shelby scoffed. "Also, Noah and Santana were kicked out of school and -"

Joey waved off the comment. "You know that's not the only reason so stop pretending that it is." She looked at her sister honestly. "You were sad this weekend because it opened up too much with him. You had three children with your best friend." She leaned forward and whispered, "The last one was an accident and we all know it."

Shelby glared at her. "You better not tell my kid that."

"She's knows," Joey said going on with a shrug. Shelby began to shake her head and glare at her, but Joey began talking before Shelby could spit out her angry words. "Anyway, you had three children... a marriage where you were mostly his beard instead of his wife and then you guys broke it off and you had a strange twisted divorced relationship. And then... well he had a civil union granted by the state of New York to a man that ruined all of our lives."

Shelby looked at her sister and shook her head with another scoff. She put her hands up. "I can't deal with you right now."

"It's the truth," Joey stated, casually.

"Yeah," she hissed. "So is the Holocaust, but it doesn't make rehashing all the details any less painful and difficult." She sighed.

Joey looked at her. "Did you just compare your marriage to the Holocaust?"

Shelby groaned in frustration. "I can't with you right now," she said in frustration. "I just can't."

"Girls, please stop bickering you're giving me a headache," Helen said from the laundry room.

Shelby sighed and opened the bakery bag and began to eat the pie. "What are you doing here?" she frowned. "I thought you worked."

"I thought you did too," Joey snapped. She sighed and opened her briefcase. "I told Alicia that you would be here and we could talk before she comes this afternoon." She saw Shelby's uncertain gaze. "Alicia is one of the lawyers working with us against Schuester's case." she clarified.

Shelby sighed. "I …. need to change." She rolled her eyes. "And eat pie." She shook her head. "She can stay after to talk to me if she needs later tonight. I have an afternoon. I still need to get ready, pick up the kids and get Rachel ready for her playdate -" Shelby rolled her eyes. "Rachel wants to call it a meeting. She thinks playdate is for little kids."

Joey frowned. "Um, no." She shook her head at her sister. "You know just as well as I do that it will take you two minutes to scarf down that pie. Plus it doesn't take you long to get ready and you have a few hours until the kids get out of school."

"No, Joey," she hissed. "I don't want to. Not right now. I don't have time. She can talk to me later."

"Well..." Joey muttered. "I …. um... "

The doorbell rang.

"Joey," Shelby growled. "Take her into the study. You talk to her. I need to get ready and then I need to pick the kids up from school. You can't just drop this on me!"

"She insisted," Joey said again. She looked at her solemnly. "There are some things we need to go over before we talk to the kids."

"I can't describe how _not_ in the mood I am for this," Shelby said.

Joey nodded. "Quite frankly neither am I." She stepped forward. "You have to have this talk before we talk with the kids with Alicia."

"Found her outside ringing the doorbell," Bear interrupted the sister's conversation, leading a woman around Shelby's age into the house.

"Hi," Shelby said with a frown hating that she waited until the afternoon to get dressed. "I … um … excuse the appearance." She looked toward the dining room. "Let's speak upstairs." Shelby looked at her mother. "We'll be back."

"Mom?" Rachel called.

"I'll be back, bug. Finish up with Holly. Nana will fix you some lunch soon and then we'll go pick up everyone from school before Kurt comes over. " Shelby looked at her daughter and watched her look back at her with a frown. The mother gave her a small smile. "Don't worry. I'll be right back."

Rachel nodded and then Shelby led them upstairs.

"So why couldn't this wait until after you've spoken with my children?" Shelby asked once she walked into the room and closed the door behind her. She picked up the stuffed animal and Rachel's pajamas that were still on the bed from the morning after Shelby helped her put on the cream. She looked at the suited woman who had yet to respond. She frowned as she continued, "Or after I was able to look and feel like a person," she grumbled.

"This is Alicia Towers the ADA," Bear said pointing to the woman.

Shelby shook her hand with a tight smile. "From district court?" The woman nodded. "So what's going on?"

"The prosecution is going to go after the girls pretty hard and discount their testimonies," Alicia began getting right to the point. "I understand that a rape kit was collected after the car accident on both girls?"

Shelby narrowed her eyes. "Yes, well, I don't want them to go on the stand."

"I understand that, but I do believe that the girls will be cleared to testify by the court appointed therapist and -"

The mother cut her off. "I'm sorry what?"

"I read your file. I don't want them on the stand either, but I doubt that they'll be cleared because of their past," she said simply as she crossed her arms. "The defense will go after that so we need to cover all of our bases."

"Go after what?" Shelby said with a sigh.

"The girls' past. They will make the argument that they are unfit to make these accusations because of it," Alicia said bluntly.

Shelby shook her head. "This is why you called this meeting?"

"I called it because we need to go over details of how you all handled it." She sighed. "We need to go over why you didn't file when you suspected that Rachel was first attacked." Alicia searched the mother's eyes.

Shelby gaped at her and looked at her brother-in-law and sister. "She didn't have any marks or bruises that were inconsistent with her story. She was barely letting me hold her, let alone some stranger. I wasn't going to bring her in. Plus, she had just taken a steaming hot shower. The likelihood that anything was going to be found was so minimal that it wasn't worth bringing her in that might to the advocacy center." She shook her head. "I shouldn't have to explain myself to you. I am her mother and I did what I thought was right at the time. You should know this. I made sure she went to see Elyse first thing the next day, and Elyse filed with the CPS."

"As a mandated reporter," Alicia said simply.

"Yes," Shelby said not understanding where she was going.

Alicia looked at her pointedly before she turned her focus to Bear. "You are a mandated reporter as well as the chief of police! Who was in the house when this happened?"

"Listen," Shelby said trying her best not to raise her voice. "I'm her mother first. You and I both know, we all know, that once the incident has happened and showering or days and hours have passed and on top of that the victim doesn't want to go in, the exam and the process is more traumatizing and is more for everyone else to check off a box that says no evidence was found. We all know that kids are put through these exams all the time when everyone knows they probably won't find anything. I wasn't going to put my kid through a SAIN interview, when I wasn't even sure that something happened at all. I know how this works. while SAIN interviews are designed for kids and victims, doesn't make it any easier. She insisted that nothing had happened, and I checked her over. Like I said, there weren't any marks that went against the story she told me, so I chose to believe my daughter." She shook her head. "I don't understand what the issue is."

"I understand that personally, but professionally? It looks badly," Alicia said calmly. "Yes, they had rape kits done after the accident. However, not going to the advocacy center after the first time was not beneficial." She looked at Bear. "Do you see what I'm trying to say?"

"Based on their files, you should know that putting them through a process when they're already denying anything happened was too hard. She did the right thing and had the therapist talk to her in the morning and a report was filed." He put his hand in the air as he shrugged. "What's the big deal?"

"Don't you see the hole we're digging yourself here? You didn't file originally with even the police-"

"Because we didn't know if anything happened. Filing abuse by an unknown is done all the time and its just to check off a box," Shelby said with a groan of frustration. "And they would have told us to go to the hospital or the advocacy center and get a SAIN interview done. It just wasn't something Rachel could have done. You didn't see her. You don't know my kid."

"I know I don't," Alicia said. "But please try to see that by not bringing her in because she was too fragile to even go through the process makes my argument harder. You shielded Rachel. Wouldn't that mean that she's so fragile that she could have taken a safe, friendly touch as inappropriate?" She looked at the other adults. "This is what they're going to argue." She watched them slowly understand what she was saying. "We need these girls, Quinn and Rachel, to be one hundred percent honest with us. That means that we can't coddle them." She looked at Bear. "You're the chief of police."

"I am her uncle. She was denying it. I wasn't going to open a formal investigation. I went and talked to him and their stories were the same. I knew I couldn't act on that. There's nothing I could have done. I wasn't going to put her through something that we just suspected. You see it everyday. There's only so much you can pry a kid before you do more damage. You get why we did what we did. You're just twisting it in the slightest way to make it look bad."

"You don't think that's how Schuester's lawyer is going to spin this?"

Shelby frowned and looked at her sister for guidance. "What the hell?" She shook her head. "I get it. I do. But... Why are you telling me this now?"

Joey looked at her gently. "She's telling us this because she's not going to coddle the kids this afternoon when she speaks to them...and she needs our cooperation."

The mother scoffed. "I don't coddle them!"

Alicia interrupted the sister's conversation with a challenging gaze. "You might not mean to but we may need to have some hard conversations and I need us all to be on the same page about that."

Shelby frowned as she looked back at the ADA. "Of course." She shook her head as she remembered what she was thinking earlier. It was definitely get worse before it got better.

….

Santana closed her locker. She made it through the day. Almost. She had practice earlier that morning. The girls that had tried out last week were decent. However, she refused to accept them completely because she knew what they were: Second best. The best had left because they didn't want to work with her and Brittany … and in some ways even Quinn. They didn't confront her around school they weren't allowed to since that bullying assembly, but there was an undeniable tension that she could never escape. This was a place where she used to feel powerful. This was a place that she used feel big and tough. Now, it was a place where she had to remind herself that she still was.

"Hey."

She looked up. Sophia had been talking to her about something that she wasn't listening to. She gave a weak smile. "What?"

"Geeze, San," Sophia said with a roll of her eyes. "I was asking you about the game this Friday."

Santana nodded. "Yeah, I think we're decent."

Sophia nodded. "I... We have regionals in February."

The brunette frowned. "We'll be ready. Yeah, those newbies suck but-"

Sophia looked at her. "It's not them I'm talking about."

The girl squared her shoulders. "Are you talking about me?"

"No," Sophia said covering. "You're amazing. You bring your A game like you always do..."

She watched her trail off. "What are you saying? Are you talking about me and Brit?"

"No," Sophia said again, slightly frustrated. She leaned closer. "Anyone with eyes that knew you two could tell there was something more. The girls that left were stupid." She sighed. "It's Quinn." She clarified. "She doesn't want to be there." Santana opened her mouth to speak, but the girl went on. "You and I know that she may be the best and she is but ….She was never really into it. She was into being a Cheerio and loved the perks that came with it more than she was into being an actual cheerleader."

"She's going through some stuff right now but... we all are... I'll talk to her. Don't give up on her," Santana said with a frown.

"I'm not, but I don't want to see her doing something that she doesn't really want to do either," Sophia said.

"It might just be the cast," she replied. She shook her head. "I'll talk to her."

"Talk to who?" Quinn asked walking up to them with Brittany.

"Hey," the taller blond said as she placed her hand on the small of her girlfriend's back. Santana gave her a small smile.

"I haven't seen you all day," Santana said looking at Quinn. "What have you been doing?"

"You know destroying lives, and making people cry," she shrugged. "The norm. Don't worry, I went to class." She held up her sheet that Shelby had them all get signed again. "Thanks for checking, mother hen."

Santana's eyes rolled in annoyance. "Jesus. Grumpy much?" She turned to Brittany as Sophia began to chat with Quinn about something she didn't care about. She gave the blond a small grin. "I wrote you something."

Brittany straightened. "You did?"

She nodded. "It was me just judging everyone in all of my classes when I was pretending to be writing notes."

Brittany smiled and leaned in kissing her lightly on the cheek. Santana bowed her head, blushing. Brittany smiled. "Did you write in the margins reasons why I should not be with you again?" she frowned. "Because I'll write all the reasons why I should be." She gave a small sigh. "I wrote you something too. Granted, it wasn't during class." Santana rolled her eyes at her girlfriend's subtle reprimand. Brittany offered Santana a folded note. "You wrote me your story..." Santana's flirting eyes faded slightly and looked around vulnerably. Brittany spotted this and took her hand at her side and gave her a small reassuring smile. "So, I wrote you mine." she rolled her eyes with a wink and a smile. She squeezed Santana's hand. "I think you know most of it. I just thought it would be fair."

Santana looked down at her feet and took the letter. "Thanks," she smiled.

"Ready?" Noah asked coming behind them.

Santana nodded and gave Brittany a hesitant and light peck on the cheek. She waved at Sophia and began to head away with her sister and brother. She looked over her shoulder at Brittany one last time. The blonde was looking back at her with a smile. She gave a tiny smile back before she headed away from the school.

"Hey," Rachel said from the far back of the Range Rover when they arrived at the car.

Santana smiled and climbed into the back with Rachel who was eating, or more specifically holding, a protein bar. "Hi," she smiled kissing Rachel on the top of her her head.

Shelby handed the other three a snack. "How was today?"

"Fine," they all muttered.

"We're going to have a meeting with the ADA after you guys do your homework for a bit and Rachel hangs out with Kurt," Shelby said as they pulled away from the school.

"Why?" Santana asked as Rachel looked up at her. She pointed to the girl's bar.

"Why what? Why am I hanging out with Kurt?" Rachel asked her sister.

Santana shook her head. "Eat it, or I'm going to force feed it to you."

Rachel scowled. "Quinn's not eating hers, you're not doing that to her!" she whined.

"We just got into the car," Santana shrugged, but glared at Quinn who was turned slightly in her seat.

"Bite me, Santana," she said. "I dare you to -"

"Enough," Shelby said. "Those bars will be eaten. And if I find them stuffed in the pockets of the doors again, you will be scrubbing this entire car with toothbrushes."

"Why are we meeting with the ADA?" Santana asked again.

"We need to meet with her because we'll be working a lot with her," Shelby said vaguely. She looked at the girls in the rearview mirror and her son next to her. "I expect you to be on your best behavior."

….

Carole and Kurt arrived soon after they all got home. Rachel was ushered into the other room as she watched her mother talk with Quinn about her history project. Rachel watched her mother and sister interact; it was more as if her mother was quizzing Quinn to make sure she actually had a project. She turned her gaze toward Santana.

"Have fun," she said as she started toward the kitchen, but Rachel didn't miss the slight glare that her eldest sister gave her friend. She looked down at her hands. She had her plastic tea set out and Kurt had brought his plastic scone and dish set. Before, they felt too old to play with the tea set, but they did anyway. Now it felt like another life.

"Thanks for inviting me over," Kurt said with a barely there smile.

Rachel shrugged. "Thanks for coming..." She looked up at the boy. "I'm sorry I couldn't go to your house..." She lowered her gaze. "I can't be around your brother."

"I know," Kurt muttered. He frowned. "Neither can I," he whispered.

"What?" she asked.

"My mom and dad won't let me be around him alone," he said quietly. "They said he's really mad and …... They don't talk about it-"

"About what he did to my sisters?" Rachel asked sharply.

Kurt looked at her for a moment. "That too, but ….." His voice became even quieter. "They don't talk about the fact that you and I play tea party... or that I collect pictures of my women's clothing and shoes."

"You just look at fashion magazines," the girl said with a shrug. "You have style... Your mom wore a knitted vest with a cowboy on it today... She might not know how fashion really works." Rachel's eyes bulged in embarrassment. "I didn't mean that the vest was ugly-"

"It's ugly," Kurt smiled, but it faded slowly after they made eye contact. "I don't mean that," he finally muttered. "I mean... the fact that when I imagine my life as a grown up. I picture holding hands with a handsome man... who's tall and has …big feet and ….a good head of hair..." He trailed off. "They don't talk about that."

Rachel bit her lip and watched him carefully.

Kurt went on. "And now... they don't leave me alone with him." He thought back carefully at silent conversations his parents had had and complex looks that they've exchanged. "My brother has always been angry... My mom says that it's because his dad is angry too. Not my dad... I mean... our dad..." He shook his head when he knew he wasn't making any sense and corrected himself. "Finn's dad." He took a breath. "He went to war and came back angry... and got angry at Finn a lot and that's why he's angry." He looked at Rachel honestly, neither of them realizing that the teens and the adults in the kitchen were listening quietly.

Rachel shrugged. "My brother and sisters are mad all the time." She shook her head. "They never did what your brother did..."

Kurt nodded. "He's still my big brother and I'm sorry," he said honestly. "What he did-"

"What he's doing," Rachel corrected. "I know he was never a good friend. My mom doesn't trust him. That's why I can't go over there... You're brother is not sorry Kurt... Not even a little bit."

Kurt frowned. "You don't know that," he said defensively.

"Is he? Is he sorry? He was so mean to my sisters..."

"Your brother broke his nose," Kurt spat. He cracks a slight smile. "It's not funny," he said trying to recover.

"I'm sorry your brother is mad and that you can't spend time with him," Rachel muttered.

"It's not like he wants to," he muttered. "Do you think that …. he'll be sorry?"

Rachel shrugged. "Maybe...Someday... Maybe your mom should let him throw things... That works for my brother and sisters... Usually things like lamps..."

He nodded. "What he's doing is wrong. I'm sorry." He gave a small shrug. "I know my mom and dad are real sorry."

"Really sorry," Rachel corrected.

"That's what I said," he said quietly.

She gave a small smile and shook her head. "I know it's not you, Kurt."

"I still feel bad," he said with his head bowed.

"Badly," she interjected.

"That's what I said," he said in confusion. Kurt smiled. "I hope we're still friends," he muttered as his smile faded showing his uncertainty.

"I think that we are," she said quietly. "I... just... I've been kinda... scared I guess..."

He nodded, unsure of how to respond. "My parents are taking out another mortgage. I don't really know what that means but it has to do with money, I know that much. And my dad's taking another job."

"Why?" Rachel asked.

"I'm going to go to your school next year," he said with a smile.

She looked at him, unsure. "You're going to come to school at my house? That doesn't cost more. It's probably cheaper. My mom shops at Costco and Whole Foods. I think it's cheaper than hot lunch at school."

Kurt laughed. "No, Gable." He smiled. "I'm going to Gable."

"That's not my school," she whispered, bowing her head in embarrassment.

An awkward silence fell on them. Rachel reached behind her on the bookshelf and grabbed the bucket of Knex. "Do you want to build a ferris wheel?" He nodded as they began to take out the pieces.

Kurt looked up at her biting his lip.

"What?" she asked.

"I'm sorry, Rachel," he said honestly.

"For what?" she asked with an awkward smile.

"For leaving you with him," he said simply.

"I was never with your brother," she said with a confused laugh as she continued to sort the pieces that she needed. She looked up when she realized he wasn't saying anything. She met his eyes. "Oh," she muttered. "You mean... you mean _him_?" Kurt nodded. Rachel shrugged. "That's my fault. I lied to everyone. I lied to you."

"Well, it's because you said you needed a dad," he said carefully. She looked at him surprised that he remembered that.

"Yeah, well he wasn't anything like my dad," she said quietly. "Well, not Daddy... maybe like..." She trailed off again. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Sorry," he said quickly. "I can have your mom call my mom?"

Rachel shook her head. "We have to build a ferris wheel," she said with a small smile.

Kurt nodded. "Yeah." He paused again. "I've missed you a lot."

"Missed you too," she smiled.

They continued to build quietly. "Hey Rachel?"

"Yeah?"

"Could we watch _Funny Girl _as we build this?"

Rachel smiled. "Unquestionably."

…..

A half hour later after the kids had changed and Kurt had left they were all settled in the kitchen chatting with Nana and Pop-Pop. Rachel was pleading for a puppy as she held Charlie in her lap and tried to subtly feed the dog her second snack that was given to her from Nana.

"Rachel, I'm serious," Shelby said as she sipped her tea. "Dog down. Eat please."

Rachel frowned but complied. Her life had turned into a never ending snack time. The back door opened and Joey and Alicia came in with cups of coffee.

"Why are you here?" Santana asked as Rachel shifted next to her and into her lap. She was eating apples and peanut butter, or more like she was pushing them around.

Joey led the woman into the kitchen. "This is Alicia Towers."

Santana sighed. "I thought you were the only lady lawyer in Lima," she said with an eyeroll.

"Santana, please don't be rude," Shelby said.

"I am the only corporate lawyer in Lima," Joey corrected. "I don't do criminal law."

"Yeah, yeah," Santana waved off her aunt's last response, but continued to challenge her with a frown.. "So then you're here... why?"

"I just introduced her," Joey said looking at the teenager. "I'm here to introduce her."

"Couldn't my mom have done that?" Santana asked. "Is that the only reason you came over?"

"Santana, I'm very important-" Joey said looking at her niece with annoyance.

"She's engaging you. You're encouraging it," Shelby sang quietly into her sister's ear.

"Am not," Joey muttered with a huff. She hated that she was right.

The mother turned to her second born with a stern look. "Santana," Shelby said. "One more word and you're writing me five thousand words on the history of the word subpoena."

Santana huffed and leaned back in her seat. Alicia shifted and smiled at the group.

"I'm here to let you know what you can expect with the trial. I am the district attorney and I will be prosecuting the case," she said simply.

Rachel looked at her sisters for a hint of what that meant and most importantly if they approved.

"What to expect?" Quinn asked the woman.

"Yes," the lawyer nodded. "Give you a chance to know what type of questions you can expect to be asked while on the stand and what answers they will be looking for."

"You're coaching us?" she asked with a frown as Rachel looked between her and the lawyer woman.

"No," Alicia said quickly. "We don't do that."

"Because it's illegal," Joey interjected.

"I don't get it," Santana said.

"Well, why don't you listen and find out?" Shelby countered.

"So, so far Rachel and Quinn, you've been subpoenaed to testify," Alicia said folding her arms over her chest.

Rachel leaned against Santana. She shook her head. "I don't want to."

"You don't really have a choice, bug," Joey said gently.

"Well, I did submit a motion for your video testimony. It's being considered but it will most likely be denied. Your therapist supports it, but a court appointed therapist is also going to evaluate the both of you to make sure that you are of sound mind and able to testify." The women looked at the girls for a moment, pausing. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want to talk to anyone..." Rachel said. She shook her head. "I don't. I don't..."

"Okay, okay," Shelby said scrunching down on the balls of her feet next to the girl as she rubbed her back. "We have plenty of time. That is why Alicia is here now. It gives us time to prepare."

"What about me?" Santana said straightening up. "And my brother?"

Alicia looked at Joey questioningly. "Well, you haven't been called. I doubt you will be."

"Why?" she asked sharply.

The woman looked uncomfortable and looked at Joey for assistance. "Well, they don't need your testimony, San. It's not... It's not … um... It's important just not to the case."

She deflated slightly. "What do you mean it's not important?"

Joey looked at her niece softly. "You and Noah have great perspective but they don't need you to speak in court."

"Why?" she asked again with a frown.

"Because what you have to say isn't better or worse for either side," Alicia said again.

"I have plenty to say!" she said.

"I know you do," Shelby interjected, silently telling the other women to back down. "But you don't need to go on the stand this time, San."

"But why?" she asked her mother again, instinctively pulling Rachel into her lap.

Quinn turned to her and gave her a soft look. "Because you weren't there," she said gently. She took her hand. "It's okay," she muttered as she saw Santana's face fall.

The brunette rested her cheek on the back of Rachel's head as she held her tighter. She knew she wasn't there. She thought about it every day. She didn't need to be reminded.

Shelby rubbed Santana's back hoping she could reach the girl later and tap into the emotions that were exploding beneath her ever-breaking heart.

"So far the list of other people who are being cross examined is pretty short," Alicia said trying to get her attention away from the girl. "Um... let's see... Will Schuester, of course." She muttered nervously and Joey glared her into silence. "Um... your therapist, Elyse... "

"Their therapist? Can they do that?" Noah asked.

"Yes," Joey said simply.

Shelby nodded at her son, telling him that she would answer his questions too.

"They're calling a sexual abuse specialist and … um..." Alicia flipped through more pages, trying to find the other names of the subpoenaed witnesses the defense had set into motion.

"So what's their deal? I mean I don't really understand," Noah said interrupting again. "I've been paying attention. He's been charged with kidnapping and... stuff... Why... are we doing this?"

Alicia looked up from her papers at him. "He is on trial for rape and attempted rape against both of the girls. We know he will be found guilty of aggravated assault, unlawful possession of a loaded weapon, harassment of a minor, violating probation and child pornography. Nobody has forgotten about any of that, he has pled guilty to those charges. The kidnapping charge from when he took Rachel from the dance studio..." Her voice softened as she watched the room become more tense. She sighed and continued, "that charge is being contested, but he admitted to it pretty clearly in his confession. Basically, Will Shuester is already going to prison...This trial just decides how long and if more charges are going to be brought on him. These charges are serious in themselves, but the sentence would stick if he is convicted of the sexual crimes against the girls."

Noah frowned. "But you found evidence right?" The adults looked at him. "I mean... his um..." He looked at Santana and Quinn and the girls covered Rachel's ears. "His... junk," he whispered.

Shelby looked at him. "Noah, how do you know that?"

"I live in the same house," he hissed.

Alicia looked at him. "But that doesn't exactly prove rape," she said simply. She leaned over and pushed the girls' hands away from Rachel's ears as she looked at the young girl perched on Santana's lap. "I don't think we should filter what you're going to hear since you're going to be in the room-"

"That's not for you to decide," Noah said stepping forward.

"Actually, it is," she pushed back.

"Noah, stop," Joey said with Shelby.

"Who else is on the list?" he asked with a sigh and a shake of his head.

"A few teachers to set his character," Alicia shrugged as she glanced at her paperwork again. "And... um... Finn Hudson."

Quinn's head snapped up. "What?"

"Why?" Santana hissed.

"Yes, why?" Joey asked with a frown.

"Well, ….. you dated him right, Quinn?" Alicia asked. Quinn felt her breaths quicken in her chest. She could barely focus.

Santana nodded for her. "But that doesn't matter!" She took a deep breath and combed Rachel's hair back. "He's a douche. Why would that matter?"

"I'm friends with his brother," Rachel offered.

Santana hushed her gently, telling her that that is probably not why he was being called.

"He's going to make me out to be a liar," Quinn quietly muttered. She squeezed her eyes shut. "And he'll be right."

Alicia furrowed her brows at the teenager's sudden admission. "You need to know that I need to know everything. Anything that I don't know will be brought up in court against you. I can guarantee that. We need to lay everything out here," she said trying to catch someone's eye.

Rachel looked away from Alicia and directly at Quinn. "Why?" she asked her sister. "You're not a liar." She glared at the woman. "My sister is not a liar!"

Shelby frowned more deeply wondering why this teenage boy was being called to the stand for her daughters' attacker. Then it clicked. "A liar," Quinn's words echoed in her head. Shelby remembered the moment in the study when Quinn confessed to her about how she lied to Finn about the baby... a lie to protect her dignity and herself from the truth behind the pregnancy. She looked over at Joey and they instantly exchanged the magnitude of the admission.

She squeezed her eyes shut. "I ... um... " Quinn started to try to find the words to answer Rachel's question but trailed off when none came to mind.

"What's wrong?" Noah asked. He looked at his mother and aunt. He knew that look. Something was wrong. He looked at Quinn who was still sitting silently with her eyes squeezed shut and knew what he had to do. "Rach, come on, let's go upstairs. Okay?"

"No, I want to stay here," she pleaded putting her hand on Quinn's arm. "Quinn?" The blonde didn't move. "Quinn?" she tried again.

The blonde hesitated, but finally opened her eyes and looked up. "Go with Noah, Rach. I'll tell you later," she whispered avoiding the younger girl's eyes.

Rachel looked at her mother. "What's going on?"

"Go on, bug," Shelby muttered with a nod of her head. "Go with Noah and Santana."

"I want to be here," Santana said with a shake of her head. She leaned forward. "I already know, Mom," she whispered. Her eyes were pleading. "Let me be here."

Shelby looked at her with a warning eye. "Go please."

Santana decided not to argue once she saw the look on her mother's face. She stood Rachel up and quietly went upstairs following her brother, looking over her shoulder at Quinn one more time. Joey motioned for Bear to follow them to make sure they were distracted.

Shelby turned to Quinn and sat down next to her. She pulled her close and kissed her softly on the head.

"We can stay until whenever you're ready," she whispered into Quinn's ear as she rocked her tenderly. "I'll be here the whole time." Quinn looked at her with tears in her eyes. Shelby smiled. "You can do this, Q-bear," she said kissing her on the forehead. "I know you can."

Quinn leaned into her mother and let the tears fall. The ache from her tattoo seemed to disappear as the hurt in her heart took over. She turned her face to look at Alicia. She looked at her aunt briefly before turning her gaze away from her eyes and back towards the ADA. "I lied to him," she said quietly. "I...got pregnant. I was pregnant and I told him... I told him that it was his baby..." She said as she felt a lump in her throat. "And it wasn't." Shelby tightened her arm around the girl as Quinn began to tell the loveless story of her and Finn.

….

Quinn wasn't sure how much she had cried. She wasn't sure how many questions of the lawyer she had actually answered. All she knew was that now this stranger knew and her aunt knew. They knew the whole story...and soon a courtroom full of people would know too. She had heard them talking once she walked up the back stairwell.

"-We might be able to argue this," Alicia said. "She was vulnerable and confused and admitting the real father of her child would be too hard for anyone let alone a sixteen year old girl who had been through what she's been through and -"

"Don't okay?" Shelby said. Quinn could hear her shaking her head. "Just …. Just figure out what you're going to say and fight for my kids."

Quinn heard her move toward the stairs so she started to move towards her room. Or at least she tried.

"Quinn?" she turned and Shelby was staring at her.

"I'm fine," she said.

"You're not. I know that that was hard," Shelby said.

"Please," she whispered. "I'm fine. Just... the windows are all on alarm. Just... can I have some space?"

"I really don't want you to be alone," she frowned.

"I'm not going to be alone," she said. "I can't be, because I went all Texas Chainsaw on my cast, but please I'm begging you, please leave your sister, G.I. Jane downstairs okay?" She felt her tears fill her eyes. "Please, Mom. I won't do anything. I will sit with San if you really want me to because at least she will shut up... I just need to sit and think. Please?"

Shelby frowned. "Go in your room and I'll be back to get you later." Quinn hugged her tightly.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Shelby cupped her face softly. "Okay." She kissed her softly. "Leave the door open, alright?"

"Okay," she muttered.

She heard her leave and make her way down the stairs. She looked around the room and realized that she didn't need to be alone. What she needed was a large bag of junk food, or to go on the longest run in existence, or have a wine cooler even though she only had it once... she NEEDED something... she needed to think about something else besides alone time. She needed to breathe. She frowned. She needed fresh air. She grabbed her coat and the box in her coat and walked as casually as she could to the other end of the hallway.

She needed to get there. She needed to breathe.

She arrived in her mother's room and saw, much to her chagrin, that on the door of the closet that led up to the attic a padlock was securely fastened. She frowned.

"Stop looking like someone ran over your dog," said a voice behind her.

She turned and Santana was looking at her with a smile holding a screw driver and bobby pins.

"Let's get you some space," she smiled as she began to unlock the lock for her sister.

It took Santana about a three minutes to open the lock. Now amidst the evening air they sat quietly on the roof.

"I um... I …." Santana stuttered. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nope," she replied.

Quinn reached back behind them and started to close the the window. Santana looked at her with a frown and watched as the blonde pulled out a box of cigarettes.

Santana's eyes bulged. "UM, NO!" She hissed reaching for the carton trying to yank them away from her sister's grasp. Quinn pulled them back. "No,"

"Excuse me those are mine!" Quinn snapped when Santana somehow managed to snap the box away.

"Not anymore!" Santana fired back.

"I'm not going to fight with you on the roof," the blonde bit.

"Because you'll lose and fall off of the roof," she frowned. She looked at the box of cigarettes that were now in her hand before she looked back up at her sister. "You're crazy! What the hell, Quinn? I will not be burying my sister in ten years because you die of lung cancer!"

"Shut up, Dr. Phil," she bit. "Stop being dramatic! This would only be my sixth or seventh one. Calm down! Now, give them back." The blonde reached for the pack again.

Santana extended her hand away from Quinn out of her reach as she shook her head. "I hope you enjoyed them because they were your last," she spat and threw the box over the roof and into the backyard.

"You idiot!" Quinn spat in disbelief. "You are an asshole. Mom is going to find them!"

"Stop! You'll thank me when you get back on the squad. You won't be the fastest... or second fastest on the team next to me if you're lungs are full of tar."

"I don't want to do Cheerios," Quinn said with a huff, still pissed that her sister had thrown her box of cigarettes over the roof. "I don't want to do it at all! I don't care about it."

"Well, that's obvious," Santana grumbled. She looked at her honestly. "If you don't want to do it, you don't have to. Just... don't smoke. It's stupid. And you'll smell..." She waved her arm. "Who gave you these? Why did you start smoking to begin with? When did you start smoking?"

"Knock it off," she said with a roll of her eyes. "Just shut up. You skipped school last Friday to chase after Noah and didn't tell me, so we are even."

Santana scoffed. "Truancy and cancer are not even. How is that even?" She frowned. "When the hell have you had the chance to smoke six or seven cancer sticks anyway?"

"I found time," she frowned. She folded her arms over her chest. "I can't believe you did that."

"Well, suck it up! Don't do it again," she frowned.

Santana turned her head when she realized that Quinn was quiet. "Fine," the blonde stated.

"You're going to give in that easy?" Santana asked.

"I just... I've made a lot of stupid choices... and I guess... cigarettes are bad," Quinn frowned.

"Wait, seriously?" she looked at her. "You're giving in this easily? Who are you?"

"You're just you, it's not like you can ground me. So whatever." The blonde narrowed her eyes. "Just accept it, okay?"

Santana searched her sister's face. She frowned and then it dawned on her. "What did you do?"

"What?" Quinn scoffed. "Other than … lying to Finn and making him more angry than he already was? You heard his little brother today..." She frowned. "I did that... _I did _that."

"I'm pretty sure that Finn was already genetically engineered to be a douche," she said softly. "Listen... I …. I heard that we're gonna adopt you."

"You're not," Quinn said dryly. "Mom is... Or is trying to."

"Well, I'm glad," Santana muttered. She shook her head. "Yeah, you lied to Finn." She shrugged. "So what? Bad things happen all the time. We know that. Finn is a person who was taught to blame other people and get revenge. That's not on you."

"It feels like it is," she whispered.

"Well, you'll always be here... or at least a part of our family. We're not going to give up on you." Santana laughed. "Don't you think mom would have taken me back if she could?"

"You're her daughter. You're her blood." She shook her head. "I am not going to get my hopes up for it. Things happen that are out of our control sometimes. I am a mess, but I will always feel like a part of this family and …. you all are so special to me. I'll never forget it."

Santana gave a small grin. "Don't get all mushy on me or I'll push you off of this roof."

She gave a slight smile. "I mean it though," Quinn whispered. "I …. living here has been …. It's the best." She looked at her sister and paused. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Hello, have you met me?"

"It's kinda big," she whispered.

"You're not doing meth are you? Or you didn't put Noah up for sale on Ebay did you?" Santana frowned. She looked at Quinn. "Human trafficking is bad."

"No..." she frowned. "I … did something..."

"Please tell me you're not going to be arrested. Please, please, please," she muttered.

"I don't think I can get arrested for forging a signature," Quinn muttered.

"Actually you can..." she muttered. "It's called identity theft."

"Well,... I … um... It's not that," she muttered. "... But I might get arrested then..."

"What is it?" Santana asked.

"I'm going to show you. Don't freak out. You can't fall off the roof," she said slowly.

"Just show me," she muttered.

Quinn lifted up her shirt slightly and pulled down her sweatpants.

Santana let out a gasp. "Oh my god!" she said looking closer at the tattoo. "Quinn," she whispered.

The girl was about to protest and stick up for herself but Santana was giving her a small smile.

"You did this because you didn't think you would be with us?" Quinn gave a tiny nod. "I … I get it," she whispered. "But you didn't have to do this..."

"I did," Quinn muttered.

Santana sighed. "Why didn't you invite me?" Quinn just shrugged. "Can I touch it?"

"... It's kinda sore."

Santana frowned more deeply. "How did you get it? Where? When?"

"From Dylan's sister."

"Who? I thought you made her up," Santana stated.

The blonde looked at her with confusion and offense. "Um... no."

Santana looked at it more closely. "I can't see it under the plastic. Is that... Is that a date?" Quinn nodded and the brunette looked closer. "Awww Quinn."

"Don't coo at me. It's weird," she frowned. "I'm not Rachel..."

"But that's so..." Santana smile genuinely. "Quinn-"

"Stop looking at me like that," she frowned. "It's weird."

"DINNER!" Noah yelled.

"Don't tell anyone," Quinn muttered as she pulled her shirt back down.

"I won't," Santana said honestly. "But I might not have to if you don't take care of it. You don't have a spleen, idiot." Quinn rolled her eyes as they climbed back into the attic. "And don't smoke."

"Don't sound like a PSA," Quinn muttered. "It's disgusting. I miss angry you. Can you be angry lamp-throwing you again?"

Santana scoffed as they headed down stairs. "Only if you go back to being your grumpy gracefully screaming self."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "I was a bitch with grace," she said as they reacted the bottom of the stairs. "You were just permanently grumpy."

Noah was waiting for them outside Shelby's room. "You guys shouldn't be up there."

"Now who's the PSA?" Santana asked. "Maybe we should sell you on EBay." Quinn smiled.

"Don't joke about human trafficking!" Rachel frowned exiting her room wearing Quinn's Cheerio's sweatshirt.

"That's mine," Quinn frowned.

Rachel shrugged. "I was cold." The girl took the blonde's hand and the blond held on despite the frown.

Santana gave Quinn a side glance. "You're not a bitch anymore," she muttered quietly. She roughed Rachel's hair. "Rachel's a clothes stealer, Q, get used to it."

"I don't steal," Rachel frowned. "I borrow."

"You should still ask Mom if you can order another one from Sue," Santana encouraged.

Quinn nodded with a slight shrug, knowing that perhaps her next sweatshirt might not be a Cheerios one.

…...

The rest of the night was quiet. Quinn was somewhat thankful that Santana knew. She needed someone to know. Noah would be weird and Rachel would … well, she was eleven. By showing Santana, they knew in their own way. She needed them to know just in case... or when she left. She would never have the guts to show her Mom …. Shelby... but she would know... someday... During dinner, the woman looked deep in thought. No one had ever fought for her like Shelby did. She frowned, no one probably ever would.

She remembered that Rachel was practically clinging to her through the rest of dinner. She could see the confusion in the girl's eyes. Quinn felt a pang in her heart because she wasn't sure if she knew what was coming. She … Quinn stared at her ceiling bringing her into the present. What was coming? She squeezed her eyes shut. Joey knew everything now. She knew she was pregnant and … and lied to her boyfriend to try to get her pregnant. She knew... She knew she was going to kill it but then … her body rejected it. Joey knew and soon a whole courtroom full of strangers would know.

She felt her breath hitch in her throat. She wasn't ready for that. She didn't know if she would ever be ready for that. She felt a panic in her chest and a lump in her throat. They would bring up her father and they would bring up what he -

"Quinn?"

The blond sat up in her high bed on her side. "Rachel," she said softly. "What are you doing? I thought you were asleep?"

Rachel shrugged. "Mumma had to put the cream on," she muttered as she pulled at her pajamas. She frowned. "She wouldn't let me wear my princess pajamas."

Quinn looked at her softly. "Rachel, you're too old for those," she said quietly. "They make you look like you're five."

She frowned. "No," she mumbled.

"Where's San, Rach?" Quinn asked looking at her suddenly noticing that the girl looked uncomfortable as she pulled on her star patterned pajamas. "I like the pjs you're wearing now, Rach. They don't make you look five... Maybe eight." She smiled. She frowned when Rachel didn't respond to any of her statements. "What's wrong?"

Rachel shrugged one of her shoulders. "What's wrong with _you_?"

Quinn looked at her tiredly. "Rachel, what are you talking about?" She watched as the small girl bit the side of her lip. She sighed as she looked at Rachel's pj pant's again. "Did Mom get you those? Are they new?" The blonde frowned. They were hanging slightly off of her. "They look kinda new," she muttered.

"I don't want to talk about my pajamas," she muttered.

Quinn sighed and leaned on her back. "What do you want to talk about?" Deep down she knew, but earlier when she had said that she would tell Rachel later, she was hoping that she wouldn't really have to.

She heard Rachel's tiny steps and then she turned her head and jumped slightly. Instead of climbing the ladder like Quinn had assumed, Rachel had climbed the side so that her face was near Quinn's and her feet were perched on the chair on the desk beneath the loft.

"Uh... you're really close to my face," she muttered. "What's wrong, Rach?" she asked again, feeling slightly like a broken record.

"What's wrong with you?" Rachel frowned.

"You've already asked that," she muttered. She turned her eyes and searched Rachel's. She saw the anxiety of her own heart deep in the child's eyes and she was instantly reminded that she wasn't the only one with bad dreams, whose thoughts ran rampant at night. She wasn't the only one at all. "You're going to fall. Come up and lay with me."

The blonde hated herself a little more when Rachel's eyes lit up so brightly that it was as if she had given her a Tony Award. The little girl scrambled into her bed and then under her covers. Quinn resigned to the fact that her job as an older sister required that her bed would be crowded and her clothes would be taken.

"What's up, Rach?"

"Can you tell me what happened?" she muttered. The older girl froze. "Can you tell me why I had to leave the kitchen when the lawyer lady was here today?"

"What do you mean?" Quinn heard herself ask.

Rachel was silent for a moment. She didn't say anything for a few seconds but it felt like years.

"Rachel?" she tried again.

"Is this about your baby?" she whispered. Quinn had to strain her ears to listen and then immediately wished she hadn't.

She froze. She couldn't answer life questions let alone her own. She just couldn't.

"Quinn?" Rachel asked again. "Please don't be angry at me."

"I'm not Rachel," she whispered. She looked at the ceiling. "It's hard to explain."

"I know," the eleven year old muttered. "But I need you to explain it to me." She looked at her. "Please, Quinn." The blonde could see the tears in her eyes. "I need to understand... I need to know why my only friend's brother is going to say that you're a liar." Her jaw quivered. "You're the best person I know... well... one of the best...And I need to know if Kurt can still be my friend."

"You can't be someones friends based on their family, Rachel," she said quietly. "You should know that."

"I do," she whispered. "But... you're Quinn and you deserve people unadulteratedly on your side."

Quinn's eyes grew wide. "The fact that you know what that means still baffles me," she mumbled. "I … Rachel... I'm going to tell you the truth..." The blonde started but then trailed off.

She looked over at Rachel with pause. "Not very many people have before... He said he would... but he... Mr. Schues..." Rachel couldn't even finish his name. "You're the one person who almost always has told me the truth...Please?" She looked at her and traced her fingers over her cast. "I was getting ready for bed and …. I don't want you to think that you're alone..."

Quinn looked at her her own body shaking slightly in anticipation of what she needed to say.

"I never thanked you ….. Really thanked you for helping me that day... I just... I want to help you too," she whispered. "But I can't... if you don't trust me," she continued to trace Quinn's cast. "It's not fair." She looked at the blonde who couldn't stop her tears. "I don't want them to tell me in court that you're a liar. I want to tell them that they're wrong."

Quinn motioned for Rachel to lean down and she did and Quinn noticed that she was clenching Quinn's sweatshirt that she had taken earlier. "Where's George?" she whispered as she wiped her tears.

Rachel frowned and a slight panic settled over her as if she just realized that didn't have him.

"Shh, it's okay," Quinn said realizing her mistake. "I can help you go find him."

She shook her head. "You need to tell me," she whispered.

Quinn bit her lip. "I lied for a long time," she began.

"Because you didn't have a sister like Santana," she said simply in her own Rachel away. "Or a brother like Noah or a Mumma like mine."

Quinn tried to laugh at that but she felt her eyes fill with tears at the simple fact. "Yeah," she whispered as she felt Rachel's hand take her uncasted one. "I didn't."

"You protect yourself," Rachel said quietly. "Right? You had to be brave all the time."

Quinn gave a tiny nod and steeled her jaw. "I … My father... he did a lot of really bad things, Rachel," she said quietly.

"I know," she muttered.

Quinn shook her head. "I don't think you do, Rach," she said tearfully and neither of them noticed a slender brunette holding a stuffed monkey in her hands at the entrance to the bathroom. "He and I …. we … um... we did things."

"No, you didn't," Rachel said quickly. "You didn't do things. He did them to you like my Papa did them to me and Sanny."

"Rachel, it's hard to explain," she whispered her tears coming again. "It hurts less if you convince your body that you want it."

"I don't understand... how can it... How..." She search through her wealth of knowledge as she thought for a moment. "When I was with him he said it would hurt if I wasn't wet... do you mean like that?"

Quinn let out a sob. She couldn't do this. She didn't know how to. She didn't have the words or the wisdom to explain this in the way that Rachel needed.

"Please don't cry, Q-bear," she whispered and tried to wrap her body around her older sister's body. "Please don't cry."

Quinn clung back to her. "I …. I wish I could explain it to you better. It's not that simple."

"You said that you would explain it to me," she said looked at her with hope, but still keeping her hands around her neck. "Please, I believe that you're so much better than you know... you just... you just need me to remind you. You can just say it," she suggested. "You can just …. You just say it out loud like ripping off a band aid …. or I guess in your case... like sawing off your cast..." Rachel frowned. "Maybe that's a bad metaphor."

Quinn gave a tiny smile. "I know but it's too hard, Rachel," she muttered.

The eleven year old watched her sister with a frown as she searched through her mind for the answer she felt she had but just didn't quite understand. She looked at her hands as she thought of all that she had heard and all that she had been told. Her head snapped up and met Quinn's eyes. She understood.

"Your daddy raped you," she whispered. Quinn looked at her as if she was being punched in the gut, but Rachel's words tumbled out of her, carelessly and full of misunderstanding, desperate to grip onto what had been around her that had never been understood. "You didn't want it. …. but it hurt less... if you convinced yourself that you did." She thought back to the conversation she had with Elyse and her mother. "Bodies can be manipulated," she whispered. "Is that what he did?" Quinn was beside herself, she couldn't answer that. "Is that what they're going to say? That you wanted it?" Rachel looked at her with a frown. "But you didn't... you didn't..." She reached out to her. "Is that what happened?" Her own body shook. "Your body thought you wanted a baby?"

Quinn just shook her head. "I'm sorry...I don't... know how to explain this...not to you."

Rachel shrunk back and looked at her. Her chin quivered in confusion. "Why?" she begged. "I'm a person, too. I'm like you."

The blonde swallowed hard and looked at her, in her star pajamas that hung off of her body and her big eyes full of a foreign innocence Quinn couldn't remember possessing. Rachel suddenly looked at her with a tearful frown.

"No, you can't do that," she said. "I'm not as innocent as people think that I am. I'm not.-"

Quinn felt the loft shift and she looked up at Santana who was crawling into the bed.

"Rach," she muttered as she brought her into her arms and pulled her into her lap so that she could rest her chin on the top of her head and wrap her arm around her. "Rachel," she said quietly taking Quinn's hand with her free hand. "It's not that easy."

"Why?" Rachel asked sinking into her arms. "I want to know. I need to know. Quinn's not a liar. She's not," she said with a muffled cry.

"I am," Quinn sobbed feeling the weight of everything crashing down on her. "I lied to him, Rachel. I lied to Finn about something so big that ….. I can't take it back."

Santana cupped Quinn's face. "It's okay. You're okay. We don't have to talk about this."

"No," Quinn sobbed. "I have to. I have to talk about this. I told Finn that the baby was his, Rachel... It wasn't."

The air was heavy. Rachel was looking at her with wide eyes in a way that made Quinn want to go blind. She didn't want the only innocent thing in her life to know the most gruesome thing about her. The truth felt dirty and exposed in the air. She couldn't take it back.

Rachel looked up at her eldest sister for some guidance, for anything. She had a new panic in her heart. She scrambled out of Santana's arms and for the first time as she ran down the hallway, she didn't hear her big sisters run after her.

Santana lay down on the bed and looked at Quinn silently. She took her hand in hers. "I'm going to hold you okay?" she whispered. "I'll stay here with you tonight."

"I don't need you to," Quinn muttered.

"Shut up, yeah you do," Santana whispered.

"Rachel thinks I wanted it..." Quinn said quietly into the darkness.

"No, she doesn't," Santana said quietly. "She just doesn't understand right now. Sex has always been... violent to her... She is just realizing it's complicated and ….. you had the courage to explain it to her."

"You should go be with her. She needs you. You're like her arm," Quinn said with a smile.

The elder girl frowned. "No," she whispered despite the pang in her chest. "She has her own two arms," she muttered. "I can hear her now. Mom's taking care of her."

…..

Shelby finished washing her face and turned her head when she heard a stifled sob. She peeked into her room just as Rachel came running in. She was panting and heaving with a sob.

"Bug," she said with a frown as she scooped up her youngest daughter. "What's wrong?"

"I-I-I figured it out," she sobbed into her neck. "I made her sad. She's crying and she's so sad. I understand. Her daddy manipulated her body and made her think she wanted it and that's...that's... that's..." She let out a sob.

Shelby's eyes widened. "Okay, okay," she whispered gently as she rocked her. "Shhh. I'm right here."

"I made her cry, Mumma," she muttered. "I made her tell me and she's mad. She's mad at me."

"I'm sure she's not mad," Shelby said. "She just upset. Want to go see her?"

"No, no," she muttered. "She's mad. I made her cry."

"Let's go check on them, bug," she whispered lifting her and making her away toward her daughter's room.

Rachel made her mother stop in her room for George but then they made their way into Quinn's room. Santana turned slightly and smiled at her little sister.

"You alright?" Shelby asked honestly.

"No," Quinn muttered. She looked at Rachel with a soft smile. "You okay?"

"I'm sorry, Quinn," she sobbed.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," the blonde said gently. "You want to come and lay with us for a bit?"

Rachel hiccuped a tiny sob but looked at her with question.

"I'm not mad, Rach," she said softly. "I knew you would come back. You always do. Sometimes, we all need some time though. Right?"

She nodded her head and Shelby lifted Rachel into the large loft beft between the two girls. Shelby reached out and cupped Quinn's cheek. "You sure you're okay?"

She nodded. "I'm fine," she muttered.

"We'll talk later okay?" Shelby nodded. She kissed Rachel and Quinn goodnight and leaned against Santana. "They'll sleep through the night, they both took their meds, so you don't need to wake up every two hours to check on them," she whispered. Santana looked at her in surprise. She kissed her eldest daughter. "I love you, girls. Come and get me if you need anything."

…...

Quinn squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn't turn her brain off. She couldn't even be here. She couldn't be in this classroom. Rachel had barely looked at her all morning but she wouldn't let go of her hand. Rachel was supposed to have a field trip today with that squawking child, Flour... or something. Quinn frowned. She was scared that she had ruined that for her. Now she was in school in these smelly hallways with these smelly people. She didn't want to be here at all. Not one bit.

Practice that morning had been so ridiculous. She couldn't focus on the routines. She felt like a wallflower on the sideline. She didn't belong there anymore. She was supposed to be captain and she just couldn't find the energy to care anymore.

"Quinn?"

She frowned and looked up. Sue was staring at her with a frown. "We need to talk."

"I have class," she said quickly grabbing her bag and attempting to make a quick exit.

"We will talk, Fabray," she called after her.

Quinn grimaced. "I look forward to it," she muttered.

She went through school in a fog. Every person she passed she wondered if they would read the paper or listen to the news that covered the case. Would they care? Would she be a conversation started that brought people together? Or maybe even tore them apart.

She frowned. How would they all remember this? Would it be brought up next year? Or a ten year reunion? She wondered if she would even be here.

"Hey!" Someone called out behind her.

She frowned and turned and looked at a confused face of Finn Hudson.

"I'm not supposed to talk to you," she said as she started to walk away.

"Quinn, wait," he called out. "You owe me an explanation."

She turned around and faced him. The fury and confusion of her heart felt like it exploded with fury. She pointed at him. "I do not owe you anything!"

"You kinda do," he muttered. "I know I wasn't supportive... I know I ..." His brow became angry. "You're not innocent here. You lied to me!"

"I did and I'm sorry!" She frowned. "I don't know how else to say I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to say!" She shook her head. She could feel a pressure building in her chest. "Yes! It wasn't fair to you! Yes, it was terrible! Yes! I'm sorry! But you're all I had." She frowned and looked at him. "We were terrible to each other, Finn."

"This is still on you, Quinn," he said icily.

She looked at him with a great surge in her heart. She suddenly hated him more than anything. She hated all that he stood for. She stepped forward ready to let her feelings of indignation fuel her response since her words were failing her.

**"**Quinn!" Sue suddenly called. "That's enough!"

The blonde looked around her. They had drawn a crowd. Fuck, she thought.

"Everyone get to class," Sue ordered. Quinn started to leave with the crowd. She had a long laundry list of what she didn't need. Coach Sylvester and Finn Hudson were at the top of the list. "Quinn, my office now."

The blonde turned but didn't make an effort to move.

The hallway was soon empty, but all the blonde could do was stare angrily at her coach. She didn't want to be in school. She didn't want to talk to anyone besides her family. She wanted to just escape it all. She couldn't though. She was stuck in this school and in a role that she no longer wanted to be in.

"Did you hear me? My office," the coach challenged.

"No!" Quinn bit back. She looked at her with a fire in her eyes. She couldn't take this anymore. Not any of it. This is the one thing she could control. She didn't know what questions would tumble out of Rachel's mouth. she didn't know what next predator lurked around the corner. All she knew was this was the one thing that she could control.

She looked at her couch with a raw honesty in the empty halls.

"I quit," she said solemnly.

"Quit what?" Sue asked.

"Cheerios," she muttered. "I'm out. I don't want to do it anymore."

"Let's go talk in my office," Sue said quietly.

"No, no!" Quinn hissed. "No!"

She frowned. "I'm not just going to let you give up, Quinn."

"This isn't about me needing to be pushed or doing something inspirational or something stupid like that," Quinn said. "I don't want to do this anymore. I..." She looked at the ground.

"You need the Cheerios," Sue said gently. "You need something to keep you focused."

Quinn shook her head and shrugged. "Maybe, but it's not the Cheerios." She frowned even further. "I'm sorry." she said almost angrily, but she was unsure who exactly she was angry at. "I can't." she frowned.

"What's going on?" a new voice asked. Quinn turned and looked and Santana was standing with her arms folded.

"Do you Corcoran kids ever do what you're told?" Sue asked with a heavy sigh.

"No," the girls responded simultaneously..

"Get to class, girls," she said sharply. "We will be talking later."

The two of them started to walk in the same direction down the hallway and reached the apex of the where the hallway went in two directions and Santana continued to walk with her sister.

"Santana, you're going to the west wing," Sue corrected. "You're going the wrong way."

The brunette rolled her eyes and turned the other direction away from Quinn. They disappeared from Sue's view but could still see each other and the blonde took the opportunity to tell silently to meet her downstairs.

"Stop talking to each other and get to class," Sue bellowed.

"Sue Sylvester," Santana suddenly heard a man bellow down the hallway; his voice echoed. Figgins she grinned. He went on. "There is an issue in gymnasium. The new gym teacher is requesting that you move the flying trapeze equipment that you've set up..."

Sue suddenly began to rant about how the gym teacher wasn't credible because the focused sport this week was ping pong. As her voice faded down the hallway as she walked the opposite direction, Santana ran quickly after Quinn.

"Hey," she smiled.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Let's get out of here," she said simply.

Quinn frowned. "And go where?"

Santana shrugged. "I don't know but I can't be here."

The blonde scoffed. "Neither can I." She looked at her with a frown. "Why can't you be here?"

The brunette frowned. "Just... I'm going to lose it."

Quinn stopped and looked at her. "Did someone give you a hard time?"

"Don't worry about it," Santana said. "He didn't hurt me or anything just was whispering crap in my ear like he was Darth Vader." She shrugged "I wanted to twist his dick off."

Quinn grimaced. "... Did you?"

Santana shook her head. "No," she muttered.

The blonde rolled her eyes as they passed a classroom where Noah was sitting, drooling on his desk as he slept. Santana ushered the blonde away from the door afraid that he had seen them.

"There's the diner down the street," Santana offered. "Please," she said as she gave Quinn a playful look. "I'll buy you pancakes and bacon."

Quinn narrowed her eyes. That food was certainly a weakness. Shelby tried to cook bacon for her when she could, but Rachel gagged too much at the smell of pork. She rolled her eyes. "Fine," she said. "But we can't get caught.

"We won't," Santana said. "We have lunch next and then you have study hall and I am supposed to have it now. We'll be back when we actually have to go to class. Trust me. We won't get caught."

"Famous last words," she scoffed as they headed out the back door of the school.

…..

Shelby leaned down and kissed Rachel softly on the head.

"You're going to have a great time," she said with a smile.

Rachel frowned. She had been so quiet for most of the morning. She was clearly stuck deep inside of her head. Shelby was hoping this trip would help to distract her and not encourage her catatonic state.

"Rachel?" The girl looked up at her mother with a frown. Shelby sighed and pulled Rachel's toggle coat off of the peg in the mud room and held it out for her daughter to put on. Rachel pulled it onto her shoulders and fastened up silently. Shelby leaned down and straightened the collar and brought her daughter's eyes up to meet her own. "You in there?" she asked with a light laugh.

Rachel gave a small smile and nodded.

"Are you excited for your field trip today?" Shelby asked.

Rachel lifted one of her shoulders and looked at the ground.

"Rach, are you going to use your words at all today?" the mother laughed.

"If they're needed," she muttered.

"What's wrong, bug?" Shelby asked sitting on the bench in the mud room and pulling her daughter into her arms.

"Nothing," she sighed. "Just thinking." She searched her mother's eyes. "What will you do while I'm on my trip and everyone else is at school?"

Shelby grinned. "Maybe get some coffee." She examined her daughter's face. "Are you scared to go on this trip?" She paused before continuing. "Are you scared that I'll be busy if you need me?"

Rachel shrugged. The mother smiled. That was a yes. "Holly has my number. I'll have my phone on me, but if there's a chance that I miss a call I will call back as soon as I can."

The eleven year old chewed the inside of her lip. "I need to go on this trip though." The mother wasn't sure if the girl was talking to her or herself.

Shelby nodded. "I think you'll have fun, Rach," she said honestly. "Sugar and Holly may be a little more..."

"Abrasive," Rachel interjected.

She laughed. "Yeah, I guess so." She tucked Rachel's hair behind her ear. "You'll do just fine."

"I think I will be too," she said quietly looking at the floor. "I have to be," she finished barely above a whisper.

Shelby stood up and cupped her daughters face. "I love you."

Rachel pulled away from her slightly and opened the door. Holly and Sugar who were waiting in the car for her just outside of the garage. Sugar had been recently "recommended" to another school. Holly disclosed that her young niece had insulted the wrong people and was asked to leave the school because of her "outbursts." SHelby was grateful that Rachel had a companion. She knew that while Sugar might not have been her first choice or even her tenth choice. She had a quality about her that was oddly warm even though she was frequently misunderstood. Shelby knew her daughter could see that even though she would never admit it.

Shelby watched as Rachel walked out to the car with soft, hesitant steps.

"What's wrong with you?" Sugar called from the back seat.

Rachel looked at around and bit her lip. "Nothing," she muttered. Shelby watched her daughter carefully wondering if she should have made arrangements to go. However, Holly insisted that it was important that Rachel go alone. While it may be a big step, Holly told her, Rachel certainly wasn't alone. They were only going to be gone two hours. She sighed. Just two hours. Holly ushered Rachel into the car.

Shelby waved to her with a soft grin. Rachel put her hand on the window and waved her fingers.

_Shelby lead Rachel into the building. She frowned at the little girl. It was only two hours, Shelby told herself. Only two hours a week. It was good for her. Ever since the kids came back to live with her they had been struggling to socialize within the family let alone outside of it. Now almost six months of living with Shelby, Shelby and the in-home therapists agreed it was time to integrate the kids more with other children in a more forward and almost aggressive manner. they had been catering to the children's particular needs too long thur encouraging the dependency instead of depleting it. _

_Santana and Noah eased into it with a frown on their faces to accompany the fresh scars on their hearts, but Rachel had been struggling differently. They had had a few children over to Shelby's apartment but every time Rachel had made sure that Shelby or Santana or Noah were in the room. Every time Shelby attempted to sneak out of the room, Rachel realized her mother was gone within seconds and abandoned her playmates in search of her mother. It was time to put Rachel in a new place where she couldn't go and look for Shelby or at least that's what the in-home therapists had told her. Professionally and rationally, Shelby heard her, but as the mother, she couldn't help but think she was traumatizing her baby girl even more. _

_She led the three year old into the playroom and a handful of other children were also being dropped off. Rachel looked up at her mother with a deep set frown. _

"_You're going to have so much fun!" she smiled as she knelt down and helped her out of her jacket and hung it with her bag in her cubby. Shelby pointed at the other children, a few of them Rachel had met at playdates, trying to encourage Rachel. Her in-home therapist was even leading the play group. Shelby search the girl's young but aged eyes. She chuckled. "No one's fooling you, huh, bug?" Shelby smiled as she cupped her small face. "I will be right back here to get you. You're going to have fun with your new friends and your teacher, Lindsey, will be here." _

_Rachel gripped onto her mother shirt. "No," she said. _

"_Yes," Shelby said as she lead Rachel further into the playroom and Lindsey knelt down to greet her. _

"_Thanks for coming to play, Rachel!" she smiled. _

_Rachel frowned and looked at her mother and then back at Lindsey and then back at her mother. "No," she said again. _

"_Mumma will be right back, bug," she smiled. Shelby pointed to the other toys and projects that were already lying out. "Look at how much fun you'll have." _

_Rachel shook her head and waved her hands in front of her. "No, no," she said with a vicious shake of her head. _

"_Mommy will stay with you for 10 minutes, Rachel, and then we're going to say, bye bye," Lindsey said. _

"_No," Rachel said again. Shelby retrieved George from Rachel's bag in her cubby. _

"_Look, Rach, George needs you to keep him company," Shelby smile. "He wants to play but he's a little scared." _

_Rachel instinctively hugged George close to her chest. _

"_Hi, Rachel," one of the aides smiled. "Will you help me color?" _

_Rachel looked at Shelby with a silent frown and the mother smiled with encouragement. The aide led Rachel and George off to the table in the corner with the other children. Lindsey signalled for Shelby to leave. Shelby hesitated but snuck out of the classroom and went into the parents' room there they could see into the classroom but the kids couldn't see them. It was similar to the police station and made Shelby feel strangely uncomfortable as if she were watching her kids being interviewed again. _

_Shelby gave the other mothers a tight grin before she stepped up and stood closest to the window to watch her baby bug. She watched as sheer panic settled on Rachel's face and the tiny toddler began to look around with increasing anxiousness. She grimaced as Rachel pushed up herself with George still in her arms to standing and ran to the door._

"_Mumma!" she sobbed with body heaving tears and hiccups from her body. She reached up on her tip toes but still she couldn't reach the handle. She pound on the door with her fist. "Mumma! Mumma!" _

_The teacher leaned knelt behind her to offer soothing words, but Shelby's gentle baby girl just pushed her away. "No!" she sobbed as she ran at the door and banged against it. "Mumma!" _

_Shelby frowned. It was too soon for this. It was all too soon for this. She started toward the classroom and peeked through the tiny window at the top and Lindsey shook her head, encouraging Rachel to have these few hours alone. Shelby frowned. Her gut was telling her it was too much too soon. Rachel's sobs for her were tearing her up. The mother returned deflated to the parents' room. Rachel was now sobbing in Lindsey's arms trying to push her away and make her way back toward the door. Lindsey resigned and set Rachel down on the floor. Rachel heaved with her free hand pointing toward the door. _

"_Mumma! Mumma!" she sobbed. _

"_Hey, Rachel," an aide said kneeling down. The woman offered Rachel a pink pacifier. Even though she couldn't be seen or heard, Shelby reached her arms as if she could stop the woman from bribing her child with the pacifier. Lindsey also attempted to stop the aide from bartering the child's for her tears in exchange for the tiny crutch that had become she bane of Shelby's existence, but it was too late. Rachel snatched the pacifier and put it in her mouth. The tiny girl was thankful for some relief from this stressful time, but she still didn't stop from crying. She pulled George more tightly to her chest as if they might take him. _

_The aide tried to coax her over to the group, which was now sitting to do a craft at the table. Rachel shook her head and walked backward slowly to her cubby, George clutched to her chest and her new pacifier tightly in her mouth as she quietly cried behind her two reliable friends. She shook her head. "No," she said with a hiccuped sob heavily again as if she realized all over again that she didn't have her mother in the room anymore._

_Lindsey leaned down with a tissue to offer to wipe her tear stained face. "No!" Rachel said, but pacifier fell out and to the floor. Lindsey tried to get it to at least rinse it off. She wasn't fast enough. Rachel snatched it as if it were her last lifeline and popped it back into her mouth. She frowned and pointed toward the door. _

_Lindsey shook her head. "Mommy will be back, Rachel. I promise but let's make her a picture first." _

_Rachel shook her head and pointed toward the door. Lindsey gave her a soft smile. "I'm going to go play with the others. When you're ready, you can come and join us." _

_Rachel frowned again so deeply and Shelby had never seen a wrinkled brow so stressed and upset. She watched her daughter in hopes that she would concede and join the group. However, Rachel did the only thing she knew how to do. Shelby watched with heartache as Rachel walked gingerly over to her cubbie, put her jacket on upside down and hugged her bag and her monkey to her chest as she sat with a thud in the far back corner of the small locker cubby as she continued to suck and chew on this new pacifier. _

_The aide and Lindsey tried to coax her out but she continued to shake her head. The final straw was when the aide tried to sit partially in the cubby with Rachel. Shelby rolled her eyes, knowing that wasn't going to work. The cubby was Rachel's safe space and the woman was violating it. And as always, her baby girl continued to surprise her. Three year old Rachel Corcoran slowly undid her velcro sneaker with one hand, set her monkey safely behind her, and then threw her shoe with all if her strength at the aide's face with a labored grunt. _

_Shelby let out a cry as the tiny shoe hit the aide in the nose. _

_Lindsey slipped out of the room and came into the parent viewing room. She exchanged a silent look with Shelby and the mother nodded. It was too much too soon. _

Shelby sighed at the memory as the car disappeared from sight. Needless to say, Rachel didn't go back to that playgroup. Instead, they eased Rachel in slowly to playgroups where the parents stayed. They moved to Lima and Rachel had more one-on-one attention with Brittany's grandmother, Mary Pierce and occasion playgroups here and there. However, when Mary started to get sicker, Shelby had to bring Rachel to daycare and she did surprisingly well, save a few tears on the first day. It was that initial abrupt absence that Rachel had hated.

A ringing distracted her from her thoughts. Shelby looked down at her phone. Two new emails. She frowned.

**From: Coach Sylvester**

**Subject: Cheerios & Quinn**

**Ice Queen, **

**Your blonde daughter wants to quit Cheerios. Let's chat at game on Friday. **

Shelby rolled her eyes at the salutation. She paused. Quit Cheerios she repeated in her head. Maybe that's what Quinn needed and completely fresh start in something she wanted to be involved in instead of something she was good at.

**From: Mr. Coleman**

**Subject: Quinn Fabray**

**Ms. Corcoran, **

**I have been very lenient with Quinn over the past few weeks with her excessively long bathroom breaks where she is gone for the most of the period and her absence of effort in class. I wanted to contact you and verify that you received the letter I sent home with Quinn a couple days ago detailing the matters and my concerns about her current failing grade for the course. Please feel free to contact me this afternoon by phone or email. I will be working late on the comprehensive essays that students turned in today. Please note that Quinn did not turn in her report. **

**Sincerely,**

**Mr. Coleman**

Shelby sighed. Great. Her phone buzzed again, causing her to let out a groan. She softened slightly when she saw who the text message was from.

….

The museum was less crowded than Rachel had pictured. She was grateful for that. They wandered around looking at the exhibits. Rachel just wanted to go home and lay in her bed. She didn't want to be here at all.

"Something important has happened," Sugar said interrupting her thoughts.

Rachel looked at her with an unimpressed rise of her brow. "What is it? Did you finally realize what abrasive meant?" she asked with an annoyed air.

Sugar scoffed in indignation. "No," she huffed. She smiled wide. "I became a woman yesterday," she said proudly.

Rachel's brown knitted. "How does one do that?" she asked.

Sugar frowned. "I don't know how one and two do it," she said. "But I did!" She straightened her back with an attempt at embodying etiquette and class.

Rachel tried her best not to roll her eyes. "What were you before?" she retorted.

"A girl! A child!" Sugar said with detest. "Like you," she shrugged, "but we were friends when I was a child, too. It's womanly to stay friends even when _you_ haven't become a woman yet."

The tiniest Corcoran scowled. "I don't understand. You don't look different to me."

Sugar straightened again and lifted her gaze with unyielding pride. "I started my PERIOD!"

The echo of her voice bounced off of the walls of the museum. An older couple smiled at the girls while a pair of student snickered and cooed. Rachel looked over at Sugar. The taller girl's' head was still raised with pure seeming pride. Rachel did not understand her in the least and was about to retort something harshly but paused.

She frowned more deeply as Sugar's words soaked in. Her face fell. She looked at the floor and her eyes darted with slight panic.

"... Did... Did it hurt?"

Sugar rolled her eyes. "Well, of course it does! Cramps always hurt."

Rachel wrung her hands nervously. "Um..." she managed.

"You need to move to the next room?" Holly asked coming behind them as she finished writing her own notes on the exhibits. "girls did you write everything you needed to? There were six exhibits you needed to write on." Sugar sighed and began to walk toward the exhibits to finish the assignment.

Rachel thrust her notebook toward Holly. "I'm finished," she mumbled. "Here." Her voice was heavy.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she whispered. She looked up at her teacher. "Is it almost time to leave?"

"She's just upset because I'm a woman and she's a child," Sugar called out across the gallery.

Holly gave Rachel a small smile. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," she mumbled. "I don't want to talk about it at all."

…..

Shelby climbed out of her Range Rover and tucked her phone in her pocket after making sure it was volume was on loud so if Rachel needed her or if her old three children decided to cause destruction somewhere.

"Thanks for coming," Gus said as he climbed out of his squad car.

"I needed a little break," she said with a small smile, grateful that she had decided to look like a person today.

"Yeah? That long of a day?" he asked.

"Always is," she said with a roll of her eyes. They headed toward the diner.

"You should learn to relax a little more," he said with a laugh. "We can schedule weekly venting sessions. You look like you need a confident besides Joey."

Shelby laughed as the hostess greeted them and pointed them to a table. "You have no idea." She took off her jacket. She leaned back and smiled at the waitress as they were poured a cup of coffee. "Thanks," she smiled.

"So," he said with a smile opening the menu. "What's your poison?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure what I'm in the mood for."

He laughed. "It would help if you opened the menu."

"I grew up in this town, Gus," she said sipping the coffee. "I could recite this menu in my sleep."

He arched his brow. "Impressive," he said looking through the menu. "So what do you recommend?"

Shelby didn't answer. He lowered the menu to look at her. She was gone and was walking away from him.

"What is it?" he asked.

She didn't answer but instead stopped at a table in the corner.

"Mom?" Santana asked in disbelief.

"Crap," Quinn muttered as she grabbed her last piece of bacon.

"What are you doing here?" Santana asked.

"Funny, I was just about to ask you the same question," Shelby said with a scowl as she pulled out her phone.

"Who are you calling?" Santana asked.

"The school, where you should be," she retorted.

Santana frowned and shook her head as her mother informed the administration of their absence and that they wouldn't be returning for the day and that Shelby requested a meeting with the principal.

"This if fucking ridiculous," she muttered.

"Excuse me!" Shelby hissed leaning on the table so that she was face to face with her eldest daughter. "You're supposed to be in school. You're the ones breaking the rules here."

Santana shook her head. "I couldn't be there, Mom! Plus it's only lunch and study hall we're missing."

"Not the point, Santana," she replied.

"Totally the point," she muttered.

"Quinn, we have a lot to talk about when we get home, too," Shelby said firmly. "I received an email from Mr. Coleman today. Was there something you were supposed to give me?"

Quinn chewed her mouth full of food slowly. "Maybe," she muttered.

Santana frowned and looked in the direction that Shelby came from across the diner and spotted Gus speaking with the waitress and her mother's coat hanging over the booth that he was sitting at.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS!?" she hollered.

Shelby stopped scolding Quinn to glare at Santana.

"Do not scream inside," she said with a frown.

"No!" Santana said standing up. "You came here with him?!"

"Santana, that is enough," Shelby stated and sighed heavily when she spotted Gus next to her.

"Hi, girls," he said.

"Back off, Fabio!" Santana hissed. "My mom doesn't need you! My sister is at home where my mother should be. She doesn't have time for you so go away."

"Santana!"

"No, Mom! This is so stupid!" Santana said facing her mother.

"Santana!" Shelby stated.

However, once again, Santana cut her mother off and began yelling in Spanglish, causing the mother to grab her keys and pull Santana outside toward the car.

"I guess they're going to leave?"

"No, she's just going to talk to her in the car so Santana can scream," Quinn frowned as she took another bite of bacon and watched them go out to the car. She looked at the police officer. She knew him, but she didn't. She certainly didn't know him well enough to share a meal with him.

"So... bacon and pancakes, huh?" he asked casually.

"...Uh... yeah," Quinn frowned as she watched her sister continue to yell animatedly in the car. For once, Quinn wished she was there for one of Santana's screaming matches. She heard that the Spanish that Santana had picked up came from her father's parents.

"So... school not good today?" he asked interrupting her thoughts.

"Nope," she grumbled.

"Do you think she thinks it's a date?" he asked.

Quinn frowned. they weren't friends. Why was he asking her this?

"Who?"

"Santana," he clarified.

"Clearly," she said rolling her eyes.

"How can I make it up to her? We were just coming here to relax. We're friends," he said casually. "I don't want upset her."

"Too late," she said shortly.

"Did I upset you?" he asked.

"You interrupted my lunch," she said with a frown, but then deflated when she realized who she was speaking with.

He laughed. "That's true, but you interrupted mine … my potential lunch."

"True," she replied. "But I didn't cause mass chaos."

"Touche," he said. "How can I make it up to you?"

'You can start by paying for my pancakes and bacon. My mom will be grateful because I'm eating," she said simply. "Santana's meal too."

He nodded. "You're good."

"Of course," she shrugged. She looked out at the car. Santana was now sitting with her arms folded and her eyes staring ahead like daggers. Shelby was clearly talking but not getting through to her at all. "I don't think you're escape the wrath of her though."

Gus followed her gaze. "I had a feeling that I needed to do more than buy Santana lunch to win her over."

"You didn't win me over," Quinn corrected. She paused. "My mom doesn't need douche bags right now."

"Noted," he smiled. "Thanks."

"Whatever," she replied. "Just don't be one to her."

….

Santana was so angry her face hurt.

"Santana, are you listening to me?" Shelby asked.

"No!" she fired back again. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what? Going to lunch with another man?" Santana didn't make a noteable reply save from her slightly less angry glare. "Santana, I have friends."

"No, you don't," she said. "You don't and... I … I don't like this." She huffed. "I know its not fair but we can't share you with anyone right now... We just... I'm sorry."

Shelby softened. "It's okay to be angry at me," she said gently.

"Stop," Santana said. "I don't want to do that with you. I don't want to talk it out. I'm mad at you."

Shelby sighed. "You're still in trouble for skipping school."

"Good!" she hissed.

"We will talk more tonight," she said sternly.

"Whatever," she muttered.

"Enough with the attitude, Santana," she barked. "I'm serious."

"So am I," she hissed.

"Fine," Shelby said. "Settle down until then we will talk."

Santana didn't speak to Shelby for the rest of ride. She didn't speak to Shelby after they met up with Rachel and made their way to the doctor's office. She didn't say one word to her mother. Rachel asked her what was going on. Santana ignored her question and asked her about the trip to the museum. The four of them waited quietly at the doctor's office. It was simply to check the girls' incision sites but that didn't ease either of their anxiety.

The nurse instructed the girls to change into their gowns and then the doctor would see them as soon as possible. And that was where yet another battle between Shelby and the girls began. Rachel didn't want to change at all. Quinn was demanding a separate room which only caused Rachel to become more upset.

"I can't," Quinn muttered. "I'm on my period."

"You can't because of that?" Rachel asked with a slight quiver in her voice.

"Come here," Santana said softly drawing Rachel into her chest. "She's okay."

"You can keep your underwear on. There will be no exams besides a quick look. This isn't up for discussion, girls," Shelby said again.

Rachel resigned to having Santana help her change, but Quinn looked around in panic.

"You can change behind this curtain," Shelby said pointing to the curtain in the room.

Quinn looked relieved and conceded to change behind it. She reemerged confident that she could hide her tattoo without the doctor seeing it. The plastic that still covered the tattoo crinkled and the blonde held the gown carefully closed.

"What's that?" Rachel asked from Santana's lap.

Quinn looked at the floor. A piece of medical tape and plastic that had been covering her tattoo fell to the floor. The blonde shrugged nervously.

"I don't know."

Shelby picked it up and examined it for a second before she led Quinn behind the curtain.

"Is this yours?" she asked quietly.

Quinn looked at her feel like a deer caught in the headlights. "Um..."

"I'm going to look," Shelby said as she lifted the bottom of the gown gently. She let out a heavy sigh when the raw tattoo came into sight. "Quinn..."

**Sorry, it took so long everyone. This was supposed to be a little longer with a few more scenes but I think that this will be okay enough. Thank you! I hope it was okay. Please let me know what you think! **


	55. Chapter 55

Scout88-** There will be more Gus and Shelby scenes - he isnt going away anytime soon. Alicia has to be tough because the trial will be tough. They will hate her but they will understand why she is doing it and did it in the long run. Rachel and Quinn will both continue to have food problems because it is a learned behavior from very young with Rachel and with Quinn it is associated with terrible things. Kurt will still be very much a friend of Rachel's but he is in a very precarious situation because of his family. Quinn wont be picking up the cigarettes anytime soon. Santana is not going to lose her sister. Don't hold your breath for Finn to change and grow a heart - he doesnt think he did anything wrong and even if he was lied to by Quinn he still outed Santana and that is unacceptable. Once again you humble me with your kind words regarding this story it is reviews like this that keep me writing and wanting only to put out some of my best work. Thank you.**

**Abbie - I am sorry that this is such a hard read for you. I understand that it may be too tough for people to read and I appreciate all the reviews that I get - its ok that you cant review I understand. Thank you**

**NinjaGleek21 - Thank you! You'll have to gauge Shelby yourself in this chapter. We will see :) I love my little bee-bee, Rach. Thanks for the cookie. **

**thelastcenturian - thanks my friend! I'm sure there were a few flaws in there somewhere. hopefully, this update came soon enough. **

**look4me - Thank you for the review! I love San and Quinn together. They've come so far. You might see the results of the cig throwing... Rachel pushing Quinn to talk isn't something that Shelby would have encouraged definitely, but it's something that Rachel would do. she's eleven and is full of so many questions. I'm sorry you're not a Rachel fan. I adore her but I know that we all have our favorites and they're all not the same. Thank you for the compliments on the character development. It means a lot :) **

**OTHangels - Thank you! **

**dolphinluver46 - Thank you! Shelby will get there. Gus's development may be a little slower but you'll certainly see it. I hope that I've updated soon enough for you. **

**Cookie07 - It's okay that you didn't review the last chapter. While I miss you always, I'm grateful for any review you're able to offer. Santana opening up to Elyse was a huge! Clearly, I'm a huge Rachel fan and I'm sorry that you're not. It's oaky that you're not. I think that it's amazing that you still like the story even though you don't like her. Rachel and Sugar will bond but it won't be angelic. Both of their personalities are abrasive and I think that they both need that. You know?**

**littleredwritinggleek - I am glad you liked the humor in the chapter - the girls are very blunt and it is such a tough conversation for Quinn to have with Rachel but she is trying. Thank you for the review. **

**broadwaybound2016 - That part of the flashback was one of my betas favorite too. Thank you for the review. **

**Ryoko05 - Dont tell anyone but San is one of my favorites too. She is very protective of any friend her mom is going to have because of her past and also because she is so protective of her family. Thank you for reviewing. **

**Kimberlli - Well I am glad I didnt make you cry too much. Finn is a big douche and I am not a fan. He just needs to go away the selfish jerk. You will definitely see more of Sugar in the upcoming chapters and possible more Kurt - Thank you for reviewing. **

**marinka4 - Well Quinn gets her fate for the tattoo in this chapter and if Santana becomes a lawyer - you are correct people better watch out. She will make an incredible one as well as Noah is going to be a great police officer. Thanks for your continued support. **

**renata - Noah is sometimes the outsider because of his gender though - but - he is an incredible supportive brother that they will always lean on and be supported by - Joey and Nana try to treat the children as they normally would treat any children who have never suffered the trauma that these kids have endured. This is how Joey has treated her children so while it may seem bossy and overbearing it is natural for her and not scripted because the kids don't need that - The trial is coming soon and they still have to investigate how many others may have been involved - stay tuned it is coming - Thanks as always for your review and support. **

**FlatWeasley - Thank you for reading :) **

**Iuterpi - Finn is a big jerk and I think since Kurt has come back over and started to hang out with Rachel again it may happen more often because Rachel does need to keep friends her age and not to isolate herself. So there may possibly be more Kurt coming up. Quinn gets her punishment for the tattoo in this chapter and while Shelby understands why she got it - she is 16 and there are a slew of other reasons she should not have gotten one at this time. **

**piecesofyourheart - I am sorry it was too much for you and yes the trial is going to be very hard. I appreciate your continued support. Thank you **

**amandaes417 - Wow you definitely felt strongly about that last chapter! Thank you so much - it means a lot to me. **

**blueashke - Thank you for reading. Shelby is amazing. **

**Bookworm0485 - -Shelby gets a little re-charge in this chapter. Thanks for reading. **

**raelynne9 - Yes sad but there is progress. Thanks for the review. **

**croque - I hope you like it. Its a mixture of feelings. Thanks for the review. **

**A/N Sorry for the eleven day delay (even though I think that you have grown accustom to it.) I was spoiled enough to have one of my editors physically throwing things at me when I wasn't focusing on this so you can thank her (indirectly) for the update tonight/morning. Thank you for your patience. Please let me know what you think. Thank you to my awesome betas and amandaes417 and pcall006 for your feedback!**

Chapter 55

Quinn had seen Shelby angry. She bit the side of her lip and bowed her head; at least she thought she had. Shelby was clenching her jaw and barely shaking her head with her eyes wide. The blonde looked at her more closely. Or was she just shaking? Was she that angry with her? Quinn felt herself frown. She didn't have a right to be angry at her. It was her body! She repeated internally, her body.

Shelby's gaze suddenly met Quinn's and her defense melted away. Shelby's eyes were unreadable but they were unquestioningly piercing.

"Knock, knock," Dr. Pierce said opening the door. Shelby opened the curtain and joined the girls. He smiled. "How are my two favorite patients?" He was met with an awkward silence as Quinn folded her arms over her chest defensively and Rachel leaned into Santana with a worried glance. He gave them a soft glance. "Let's make this quick and painless because I know that both of you are not huge fans of doctors. Who would like to go first?"

The room was quiet.

Suddenly, Shelby's voice cut through the silence. "Quinn will go first," she said simply. She gave the blonde a soft smile that made Quinn think that perhaps Shelby wasn't angry at her. But then Shelby continued. "She seems to have added to your art work."

Quinn never wanted to disappoint Shelby. She thought it was because of who she was that would push her away. Instead it was something she did; it was a choice that she made all on her own.

"What did Quinn do?" Rachel asked quietly from Santana's lap.

Santana gave her a small shake of her head.

"Alright, Quinn let's take a look."

Quinn climbed onto the table. Dr. Pierce led her to sit down gently and the blonde nodded with a frown. He draped a paper sheet over her legs and guided her to lie down. "I'm going to lift up your gown."

He noticed the tattoo first, raw and exposed now that the plastic had fallen off. He gave the girl a little sigh and nodded at Shelby.

"Wh-" Rachel began but then Santana put her hand over her sister's mouth and whispered something quietly in her ear.

The eldest daughter looked up and exchanged a glance with the blonde laying down. Then Shelby saw it. She saw that look in Santana's eyes. Santana knew about Quinn's tattoo. She knew.

"Alright, Quinn," Dr. Pierce said lowering her gown. She didn't realize that she had been holding her breath. She frowned. "You can sit up. Things look okay... but there is a spot around your tattoo that's starting to look a little infected so I am going to order a topical antibiotic that you need to apply twice a day for about a week. If it gets any worse I need you to tell Shelby immediately and get back into my office. On top of the topical medicine, you absolutely need to continue to take your oral antibiotic twice a day and no skipping." He looked at the girl with sympathetic eyes. "Quinn, your body can not fight infections like the rest of us because your spleen is gone. A simple cold for you could put you in the hospital-"

"It can?" Rachel asked quietly behind her.

"Yes," Dr. Pierce said looking at her with a smile. He turned back to the blonde with a more grave look. "I don't know where you got this tattoo but you need to be a lot more careful. I am sure Shelby will be going over this with you." He exchanged a look with Shelby. "Have you been seen by Dr. Fernandez for a checkup yet? You should be getting a full check up from her to make sure that you are getting healthy. You are still underweight and she will need the records from the clinic as well as your old primary care doctor's records from when you lived with your previous parents." The man let out a sigh. "I don't say this to my other patients, but I love you, Quinn. You need to take care of yourself."

Quinn nodded and stared at her hands. "Okay," she muttered. She felt a lump in her throat. Didn't they understand why she needed this? Didn't they see that she didn't mean to hurt them but she needed this to get through losing them if she did? Couldn't they see that?

Dr. Pierce stood and washed his hands. He spoke to Shelby quietly as Quinn climbed off of the table and reached for her clothes. "She needs those records transferred to the new doctor. We need to make sure her vaccines are up to date. She should see a gynecologist as well for her annual. Do you know if her periods are regular?" Shelby shrugged and looked at the girls as a million questions and worries cycled through her head. Dr. Pierce saw the uncertainty in Shelby's eyes, he nodded his head and caught the woman's gaze as he smiled at her kindly. "She is healing fine from the surgery though. That is good news."

Shelby looked over at her girls again. Rachel was leaning forward from Santana's lap looking impossibly close at Quinn's tattoo. Quinn was trying and failing to have a whispered conversation with Santana. Rachel reached out and poked the tattoo.

"Ouch!" Quinn bit.

Rachel shrunk back. "Sorry... I just … I asked if it hurt..." she muttered.

Santana arched her brow at both girls, telling them silently to knock it off.

"I will," Shelby said quietly to Dr. Pierce. "I just found out about the tattoo. Seems as if she kept it a secret. I might call you with more questions about it."

"Absolutely. Don't hesitate." He turned to the girls. "Alright, Rach," he smiled. "Ready?"

"I don't want to," she said.

"Rach, you just saw Quinn," Santana said. "It was super fast."

"No," she said with a frown.

"Yes," Shelby said walking toward her youngest. "You can climb up on the table yourself, Rachel, or I'm going to put you up there."

"No," she said again with her eyes narrowed. "I'm fine. No."

"Okay," Shelby said effortlessly lifting Rachel from Santana's lap and putting her on the table. "Lay down, bug." Rachel looked frantically at her mother. Shelby leaned close to her face cupping her cheek. "I'm right here."

Rachel looked over at her sisters. She didn't want to be a child anymore, she reminded herself. It was time to grow up. Growing up meant you were brave when you didn't feel brave she told herself. Be brave, she said as she squeezed her eyes shut. "Kay," she muttered as she lay down.

"Alright, Rachel, I'm going to pull up your gown and take a look," he said softly as he looked at the surgical site.

Be brave. Be brave. Be brave she repeated in her head. Be brave.

"And we're done," she suddenly heard Dr. Pierce say.

Rachel scrambled off of the table and over to Quinn and Santana as Dr. Pierce continued to speak with Shelby.

"Everything looks good," he smiled. He looked over softly at Rachel. "Rachel and Quinn, you're both still underweight. You need to drink lots of fluids and make sure you're eating healthy foods as well." He turned to Shelby. "Are you working with a nutritionist with them?" Shelby nodded. "Rachel, I want you to really evaluate your choice to be a vegan. Yes, you can be vegan and have a healthy lifestyle; however, right now you and Quinn need to have more foods in your diet. You need to eat more." He looked back at Shelby and continued. "I am also going to continue with the antibiotic with Rachel for a while as well. Rachel, you need to tell Mom if it starts to hurt to go potty or if your belly starts to hurt. I want to keep a close eye on you and I know Dr. Fernandez does too. I am not going to check you internally today because your mom told me that you are still using the cream and it is starting to improve - plus you have a follow-up with Dr. Fernandez in a couple of weeks - so I think you are good for today."

He turned over to Shelby. "You need to get both of these girls their flu shots and keep on them about their medicine - both should probably take a vitamin in the morning as well - I could prescribe it but have Dr. Fernandez do it so all their records are the same. I see that you have your hands full today so I won't take up anymore of your time." He smiled back at the girls who were talking quietly. "It was great to see you girls and I better get good reports about both of you!" He winked at Santana. "I'll see you later, San."

The room was quiet once Dr. Pierce left. Rachel looked between the girls and then at her mother. She felt the tension. She just didn't completely understand it.

"I thought bikers only had tattoos..." She looked at her sister. "Will you drive a motorcycle too?" Rachel asked honestly.

"No!" the three of them said simultaneously.

"It was a legitimate question," she muttered as they began to get redressed.

…..

Noah pulled his duffle over his shoulder as he made his way down the hallway.

He wasn't even sure where he was going. He didn't even know guidance counselors had offices. He wasn't sure what this meant. Was he in trouble? He frowned. She was a guidance counselor. What was she going to do?

"Hi, Noah," the woman with bambi eyes said as he knocked on the door. "Am I in the right place?"

She laughed. "Well, I'm the one who called you so yes..."

He laughed nervously. "I don't know who you are? Is this office new?"

Her greeting smile faded. "No, it's not." She motioned to the seat. "Take a seat." She opened a folder full of pamphlets and papers and looked through it carefully. "Alright," she smiled.

"What's that?" he asked.

"It's your file," she smiled.

"I really didn't mean to break that window …." he said cautiously.

She frowned. "What window?"

"Nothing," he muttered looking at the folder. "Nevermind. What's in there?"

"It's all the schools who have contacted us about you," she said simply.

"What?"

"Noah we know that you haven't chosen a college yet and we have been notified that a number of recruiters will be in attendance at the next game."

He looked at her with a frown. "Huh?"

"Is there any school that you have a strong preference towards? Do you have any idea of what courses you would like to take?"

"What?" he asked again.

"We can help make arrangements for you and your family to visit the schools or have the recruiters come to you personally and sit down here and talk," she said carefully.

"I'm just one guy... I … there's tons of other kids... smarter kids that you can work with."

"Noah, you're the only All-American in our county," she said with pride. "You're not just a guy. people want you. You just need to want this too. Is going to school something you want?"

"Um... he muttered. "I'm just one guy," he repeated.

"We know," Emma laughed. "that's why I'm here."

He frowned. "Does my mom know about all this?"

"Not yet, but I'm scheduling a meeting," she said. "Do you know what you want?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't have a thing to do with school."

"Thats okay, Noah. Right now just concentrate on the big game Friday and we will have you and your mom in next week to go over some of the schools you want to focus on and what kind of scholarships they are offering. This is a huge decision and you certainly can't make it alone. I just wanted to touch base with you today and tell you that there will be a number of recruiters at the game. Don't be alarmed if some of them come up to you after the game and try to get you to sign right away. This takes time and we are here to help you."

"Thanks, I guess I will talk to my mom and my grandfather and see what happens, but I am not promising anyone anything, right now my family comes first and no recruiter or scholarship is going to tell me otherwise."

Emma nodded. "I don't know everything you're going through, Noah, but... I know enough to know that they won't want to hold you back from all of the opportunities that are available to you." She sighed when she saw his shake of his head. "We'll schedule a meeting."

He nodded. "Kay. Thanks..."

Practice had been in a tidal wave of exhaustion that morning. He was just ready to find his sisters and go home. He frowned. He hadn't seen them most of the afternoon. He thought. Did he talk to them at all? He stood puzzled for a moment before deciding to go outside and watch for his mother. Maybe they were already out there.

A car honked. He looked up. His mother and sisters were in the car and looked to be terribly grumpy. He walked over to the car with a frown.

"Noah, will you sit back here with me?" Rachel called. "Mom separated all of us. Quinn and Santana wanted to sit together but they couldn't."

He gave his sister a nod and climbed into the car. "So... what happened?"

"We will speak at home," Shelby said sharply.

"That means we can't talk now," Rachel muttered to her brother.

He gave her a small smile. "Thanks," he whispered.

When they arrived at home, things didn't get any less tense. Noah was instructed to take Rachel into the kitchen for a snack and Quinn and Santana were led into the study. The two girls sat down quietly waiting for their always vocal mother to speak. They were waiting for her to announce her baffled disappointment.

Shelby shook her head. "I don't... I can't..." She paced in front of the girls who just looked at her with a frown. "I can not even put into words right now..." She shook her head and continued to pace. She put up her hands and faced the girls ready to open her mouth, but then she didn't say anything. She frowned and returned to pacing again.

She shook her head. "Grounded. Effective immediately," she said suddenly. "You can kiss any bit of freedom that you did have goodbye."

Santana frowned. "You're _this _mad because we skipped school?" she pushed still angry about the fact that Gus was apparently dating her mother, and her mom hadn't even spoken a word about it. She wasn't going to take this lying down. "We didn't even skip school. We skipped study hall... well we planned to. You're the one that caused us to skip the whole day."

"Shut up," Quinn hissed through her teeth as she elbowed her sister in the stomach with her cast

"Santana," Shelby said with an icy stare which reminded Santana that she wasn't the first HBIC in the family. "You're pushing your luck. I recommend that you don't push anymore. You're in trouble not just for skipping but lying -"

"No!" Santana hissed. "You can't yell at me. I left school because it sucked and you told me not to fight. I had to leave school or else I would fight. And you CANNOT yell at me for lying. You are dating!"

Shelby frowned and looked at her daughter gently. "I'm not. He's my friend and that is it," she smiled. She let her smile harden. "I am angry though. I can't not know where you are, girls. This is not okay. Not one bit."

Santana looked at her with a challenging frown. "That's not what this is about," she said.

"No, you're right, it's the fact that I'm trying to keep you girls safe and you can't listen or follow any directions," she said raising her voice.

"You're not mad at Santana," Quinn interrupted. "You're really mad at me. I'm the one who broke the rules."

"I am actually upset with both of your choices. I received two emails from the school about you Quinn. One from Coach and the other from your history teacher and then I find out that you snuck off and got a tattoo." Shelby shook her head. "I'm angry. Yeah, I am, but I still love you." She looked at Santana. "Both of you." She shook her head again. "Right now, neither of you are going to tell me why I'm angry. I am angry at both of you for so many reasons. I need time to collect myself and put it into words and you should be thankful for that." She sighed. "Go into the kitchen with your brother and sister and get a snack. Quinn, beginning now, you cannot be in a room without any adult present. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, ma'am," she whispered.

"Mom, this is ridiculous!" Santana continued to argue.

"Santana Louise! Out!" Shelby yelled. "Both of you get to the kitchen now."

Shelby walked into hallway and watched the girls disappear into the kitchen just as the front door closed.

"Uh... hi," Joey said as she unbuttoned her jacket. "What's wrong?"

Shelby pinched the bridge of her nose. She couldn't wrap her head around any of this, not even close. On top of everything with Quinn and Santana, she received an email from Emma about meeting about recruiters on Friday for Noah's future. Holly talked to her briefly when she picked up Rachel about Sugar saying something that upset Rachel for the majority of the afternoon field trip and it had to do with Sugar starting her period.

"Nothing," Shelby muttered, still pinching her nose. She suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and her mother was handing her her coat.

"Joanne, take Shelby far away from here. She needs a glass of wine … or two," Helen said softly.

Shelby put her hands up. "Mom, I'm fine," she said. "Yes, I'm a bit on edge but I just need a moment to gather my thoughts."

"I think you need more than a moment," Helen said nodding to her eldest daughter, who nodded and began to rebutton her coat.

"I am not sure if I should leave them," she said honestly.

"You can leave them enough to take a break. I will have them do their homework and get them settled. Everything was alright at the doctors right?" Helen asked as she pulled Shelby's wallet from her purse.

The woman gave a slight shake of her head. "Um... Yeah. The girls are still underweight but... things are fine." She pushed her wallet away as her mother offered it to her.

"Mom, I'm fine," she said with a frown. "Seriously. Just get out of my face for a second and let me breathe."

"That's what I'm try to say," Helen said softly. "You need to get out and breathe. The kids are fine. They have plenty of work to do."

"Quinn's grounded," Shelby began.

"Aren't they all grounded?" Joey asked.

Shelby shook her head. "Quinn cannot be alone at all anymore. She can't even be alone with the other two girls or Noah."

Helen frowned but nodded. "Go, it'll only be a few hours. They're supposed to be doing their homework anyway."

Shelby frowned. "Fine, but I am not kidding about Quinn. She needs to stay with just you or Dad only. I'll tell you later about what happened."

She started toward the door. She frowned and looked over her shoulder, hesitating. She shook her head. She couldn't say goodbye to the kids. What was there left to say?

About twenty minutes later, she and Joey were settled at the bar in one of the few local bistros.

"So, what's going on?"

Shelby took a sip of her wine. She was here to drink wine and not talk with Joey. She had felt so angry at that moment when she saw that tattoo, but now that her anger had stewed with her, she realized the person she was more angry at was herself. Was she really helping Quinn? Was she even able to attempt to love her enough? Initially, she was confident that she could, but now she was wondering. Was she failing them all in the long run? Quinn had been through so much that she couldn't help but think that she was digging the wound open. She was making it worse instead of helping her heal.

She was just one person and she believed so wholeheartedly that she wasn't enough. She couldn't possibly be. She sipped her wine as she silently thought about how the mistakes that she knew she was going to make would shape the kids in the future. She frowned as she replayed her conversation with Santana in her head. In so many ways, her daughter had always been out of her reach. Santana had been her father's daughter and Shelby could never help her in the way that she knew Leroy could have. Leroy could have done so much better by her. Shelby took another sip of wine. But Leroy was dead and all Santana and Shelby was there. Shelby couldn't throw Santana's tantrum back in her face.

Shelby scoffed internally. Here she was abandoning her all over again with a glass of Merlot. She frowned trying her best to search her memory where Santana was her girl, her big girl, Santana had always corrected. She sighed. She couldn't remember exactly but she did remember when Santana officially wasn't hers anymore and most importantly when she couldn't get her back.

_As Shelby carried a three year old Rachel into the bedroom, she felt Santana trailing behind her. Shelby's family was out there. It was too much for them. She shouldn't have done that; she knew that now. It was too much. Noah and Rachel were finally asleep after the terrible overwhelming shock of all the relatives. Noah had eventually warmed up but Santana had stayed back the entire night. She wasn't interested in being in the same room as any of her family members, let alone talking to them._

_She sighed and tucked Rachel in quietly. "Where do you want to sleep tonight, San?" she said quietly kneeling in front of her other daughter. _

_Santana looked around and looked at Rachel's bed and then looked at her own bed. The nine year old had her own room, but had insisted on still sharing with the tiny girl. This was their first night. Shelby just hoped they all made it through. She looked back up at her mother without a word. _

"_Santana," she said gently. "It's time for bed. Let's get you ready." _

"_I don't want to be here," she said with a frown. "I changed my mind." _

"_Where do you want to be?" Shelby asked calmly. _

"_I want to go home," she said._

"_We are home," Shelby said. "Do you mean the shelter?" _

_Santana pushed away from her. "No, I mean our home... I want to go to the big house. I want to have my room there. I don't want to be here." Her voice was escalating. There was a deep panic in her eyes as the sheer truth of their new reality set in and the ending of all that used to be disappeared. _

_Shelby sighed and led Santana into the hallway. _

"_Don't," she hissed pushing back at her mother. Shelby picked her daughter up effortlessly and brought her to her bedroom hoping not to wake the others. "NO!" Santana scolded pushing herself out of her mother's arms. _

"_Okay," she muttered, releasing her daughter gently to the ground again. "Okay, we can't sleep at the other house. I'm sorry. I miss it too, but it's not ours anymore." _

_Santana frowned. "I don't want to be here," she said again stepping back, inadvertently knocking something off of the dresser. She watched the item crash to the floor and stared at its debris for a moment. She then yanked a lamp down and watched it fall before the mother could catch it. _

"_Santana, no," Shelby said with a frown._

"_I don't want you!" she screamed kneeling back on her heels on the floor and began to throw the pieces at Shelby. "I don't want you!" She traced the pieces in her hands that were too small to throw. They were so small, but so sharp. The nine year old knew that they wouldn't hurt enough. _

_Shelby sighed, expecting this. However, her absent reaction wasn't what Santana wanted, Shelby knew that, but the mother wasn't going to feed the outburst; nevertheless, she would still support it. She wished she could help her daughter sort the upset that was in her mind. She wished she could ease that anxiety in her chest and the sadness in her heart, but she couldn't. All she could do was accept the jagged ceramic pieces that were being thrown at her. She could be her daughter's punching bag because her daughter had been one too long. Shelby wanted so badly to bear the brunt of it. _

"_Santana, I know that I'm not who you want. I'm sorry about that," she began. _

"_NO!" Santana burst again. "I don't want you! I want Daddy! Give me my Daddy!" _

"_I wish I could, San," Shelby whispered. She felt her heart in her chest ache. She wanted to give Santana everything. She wanted to give them all everything, but she couldn't. Not even close. _

"_That's not good enough!" she yelled. _

"_I know," Shelby said trying to will herself not to cry. She couldn't demonstrate to Santana that she didn't have it together. She knew that she had to reknow Santana again, and she knew that Santana couldn't be lead by a weak and weepy mother. _

"_You left! You left! I don't want you, but I __HAVE __to have you because you're all I have," she said throwing another piece of broken lamp at her mother, but this time more weakly. "I don't want you." _

"_I'm sorry that I'm your second choice, San, but I'm the only Mumma you're going to get, and I promise you I won't leave again," she said trying to move closer to her distraught daughter. Santana backed up, still on her knees. _

"_I don't want you," she whispered again. _

"_I know, San, but I'm all that's left," she whispered with tearful honesty. _

"_I know," Santana muttered back. "But... I still don't want you." _

"_You don't have to want me," Shelby replied moving closer again to her. "But I think you might need me." _

_Santana was silent at that. The girl had barely spoken to her since they moved back in the house that day. Shelby knew in this moment that Santana had held this truth close to her. The child let it build in her chest, waiting and hoping that it wasn't true. However, now, with the reminder that she could never really return to her father's, Santana knew now more than ever that this wasn't what she wanted. She wanted something else. She needed the person that was now in the ground who betrayed her by leaving her with the one person who ruined her life. It was such a hard burden to bear at nine years old. Shelby didn't have the ability to heal it. _

"Shelby? Shelby?"

The woman looked up and took another sip of her wine. "What?" she sneered.

"Talk to me. What is going on?"

Shelby looked at her sister. "I can't do this. I'm screwing things up worse and -"

"Shut your mouth," Joey said with a sigh. "I love you but I'm not throwing you a pity party. Yes, you can have doubts, but you're not going to sit here and become a sloppy drunk."

Joey snapped her fingers at a waiter and began to order a bruschetta platter. The woman waved the waiter off once she ordered and turned to her still baffled sister.

"I'm sorry. I love you, but this …." she waved her hand in front of her sister. "This... thing you're doing. You're retracing every moment that things went wrong aren't you? You're probably thinking about where you could have pushed Rachel more and Santana less or where you could have been more direct with Noah or how you could have helped Quinn not become so sullen, but Shelby, you're one person. You're a parent. We aren't perfect but you're obnoxiously nearly close to it. So what's going on that made you wallow?"

"Have you been paying attention?" Shelby asked. "What's not going on?" She shook her head. "Quinn has a tattoo. Santana knows about it. She argued with Gus at the diner-"

"Wait, you went with Gus to the diner?" she asked.

Shelby pushed her hand in her face. "Not the point."

Joey rolled her eyes. "Fine. Tattoo? It's not something gaudy is it? A huge ship? Or a giant cross with Jesus on it... Thorns and all?"

"Stop," Shelby said with a sigh. She thought for a moment. "Just... Just stop." She sighed. "Quinn has a tattoo of ….." Shelby thought for a moment about it. What exactly was it. She was too shocked about what she was seeing to really soak it up. She frowned. A lamb? She looked at the ceiling again. A date? What was the date?

Then it hit her.

"God damn it," she said out loud.

She felt herself feel the air being pulled from her body. Quinn had been examined closely by Dr. Pierce. The date. The lamb. Shelby felt like a heartless angry bitch. She put her hands on her face. She couldn't do this.

"Shel?"

Shelby felt her eyes sting with tears. Her heart hurt; she had missed a key point. The tattoo wasn't a test of limits. It was a permanent reminder of what Shelby had been able to give Quinn, as little as it was, it was the biggest gift that the girl had ever received. Shelby felt like a jerk. She had scolded a girl that felt too low already after a lifetime of not ever expecting anything more. The lamb was so much more than that... That tattoo was the first choice that that little girl had made for her. And Shelby had thrown it back in her face.

Shelby rested her forehead on the table and raised her arm. Their sheepish waiter came over to them with a dreading look.

"Can I help you?"

"Bourbon," Shelby said into the table. "Now."

Joey looked at him. "Oh shit," she mumbled as she looked at her defeated sister. She looked back up at the waiter. "Go. Now. I promise, I'll actually tip you this time..." She looked at him embarrassed. "Okay... and those last couple times too."

The boy scampered off to the bar.

Joey took her sister's hand from underneath her head. "Okay," she began. "Firstly, you're a very unattractive and sloppy drunk so you can't go home drunk. Secondly, use your words. I can't help you if you don't."

"Shehasthetattoobecauseshe-" Shelby began.

"Don't talk to the table. Talk to me."

Shelby looked up with her hand pushing up her cheek. "She got that tattoo for her. It was her choice. She did it for her. This girl has NEVER done anything for her. Ever."

"So?" Joey said. Shelby shot her a glare. "Okay, let me rephrase. Yes, she might have made a huge step for herself. However, she still went out and got a tattoo... at sixteen. She's a baby. And I think we all forget how young sixteen is because she's so... In so many ways, Quinn is so aged. But, she still did something wrong." Joey sighed. "Yes, she is destined to do things wrong every now and then. She's a person; it's in our DNA. But, you have to be consistent with her. She needs you to be a little mad at her... PLUS..." Joey trailed off.

"What?" Shelby asked ripping the glass of bourbon off of the waiter's tray.

"Ohio has some pretty strict laws on tattoos. Being that you didn't know about this, I will bet my husband, not really, that she forged your signature to get this tattoo."

Shelby downed her drink. "She doesn't act like she wants to be in school."

"Yeah, and she skipped with San right?"

The younger mother nodded with a frown. "She doesn't want to be in Cheerios. She has lied to her teachers... I don't know how to do this."

"Yes, you do," Joey said softly.

"I can't... I can't let her down. I can't let them down," she felt a lump in her throat and then a sob escaped her lips. "This isn't like your children where I can mess up all the time," she said waving her hand in the air with a sob.

Joey frowned, trying to figure out if she was going to take offense.

Shelby felt the tears ache in her chest. "I have had years to rebuild things with Noah and San and Rach... and …. now with Quinn, I can't help but think that I'm kicking them more when they're down. I'm just... I'm..." Shelby wiped her tears and took a sip of water. "We're moving backwards..."

"Shelby?"

"... Joey, I can't do this..." She began to let out another sob. "You're here... Bear is here. Mom is here. Dad's here and …. I can't do this...I've never been able to. I've never been enough for them and now I took on Quinn only to disappoint her. She is.…. I can't be another person on her list that let's her down, but I am," she sobbed. "I have all of you helping me but... I'm still not doing enough."

"Shel," Joey said reaching out to her. "To you, it'll never be enough. You're doing a fantastic job. You're amazing. You are alone in a lot of ways. We're here to support you. You're the mom. Not us. You still call all of the shots. We're just here to feed them and watch them but you're the parent. You're the mom."

"And I'm doing a crap job!" she said with an exasperated sigh. "How have I been doing this? How have I gotten to the other side of these nine years? I can't..." She looked at her sister with raw, worn eyes. "I love them so so much, but I can't keep putting them through the ringer like this. I can't continue to keep watching them struggle like this when Rachel is in high school. I can't... I …." She buried her face in her hands.

"Shelby, you knew this was never going to be easy," she began carefully.

"I know that! I've known that since my two year old wouldn't let me hold her!" she snapped. "I get it. It's hard, but I can't... I can't accept that their lives will be like this forever. I won't …. And I can't help but feel like I'm a contributor. I'm the iceberg to their titanic."

Joey paused and pushed a glass of water in Shelby's direction. "First of all, your children aren't the titanic. You and your metaphors... Rachel is your child... Okay...but if you're going to speak that way. You're not the iceberg, you're the fucking lifeboats... You're the one lifeboat that's pulling people from the water and filling up, unlike those weak lifeboats..."

Shelby put her hand up. "No more Titanic references."

"Fine," she said with a tiny huff. "But honestly, you have been consistent. You have fought for them and helped them through. You're going to continue to do so."

"It's just... It's just so damn hard," she whispered. "I never know if I'm going to scar them again."

Joey gave a gentle shrug. "Maybe you will and maybe you won't, but you can't be perfect Shelby. You're going to make mistakes but no mistake will be bigger than walking away. No one can do it better than you." She sighed. "Santana keeps pushing you … She keeps pushing you more than the other three because she is just making sure you're still there. She's so scared you're going to leave her."

"I would never leave them," she said quickly.

"By doing this, Shel, by doubting everything that you do, you are," she whispered. "Stick to your guns and help them get to the other side of this. In the end they know you'll always be here. You just have to remind yourself of that." She sat up. "Like tonight. You left. The kids might not know where your head is, but they know you're coming back. I remember there was a time when you would walk out that door and Rachel would wait at that damn window bench in the front room until you returned."

Shelby grimaced. "She still does that."

Joey frowned. "The point is you'll come back."

"I'll always come back but... I just wish... I wish there was someone to help..." Shelby trailed off. "I can't do this anymore, Joey... I can't keep expecting him to come back. I understand how pathetic it makes me. I'm pining for my dead ex-husband who left me for a man that raped and abused my kids..." She looked at her hands. "I have to stop. I need to be here right now and …. I just... I don't know how to stop." She felt another sob rip from her lips. "This is not how I pictured my life."

Joey looked at her gently. "I know," she whispered. She looked at her honestly. "Listen, I miss him too, Shelby, but he's gone. He's not coming back and I'm not saying you have to 'move on' because I think that phrase is crap...Your life is different. It's changed forever and you'll never get back to what it was before everything. I'm not saying that you can't stop missing it but you have to stop wanting it. Does that make sense?"

She looked at her thoughtfully.

"I know you Shelby. You think about weird things in the future. You want to walk them down the aisle. You want to be there when they host their first Thanksgivings. You want to be there and now you're just afraid they won't get there." Joey looked at her. "You being with Gus is important for them to see. Yes, it'll be hard at the beginning but ….You can show them that you're moving on. That's not going to hurt them. That's going to show them that it's possible."

Shelby nodded and quietly took a drink of water. She gathered her words in her head. "What can I do when my good isn't good enough? When it feels like all that I touch tumbles down? You know?"

"Well," Joey said with a light shrug. "You fuck it up and then you keep trying until you get it right."

"You're so eloquent," she muttered. "Let's finish up here. I have children to tend to and my own gray hairs to manage."

….

Quinn stared at her work. They had had dinner in almost silence, had a battle over food portions and then now for the longest three hours of their lives they had been doing homework.

The words of her history book that she hadn't opened for almost a week were becoming blurred into unrelated letters. Rachel was looking at her. Not just looking at her but was staring at her as if she were going to break... or maybe as if Quinn herself was going to break. Either way, it was bothering her. She didn't know what to say. She felt like crap, she didn't need to snap at the tiny fragile girl and feel like an even bigger asshole. The fact that she disappointed Shelby was enough. She didn't need to be reminded that she had told her eleven year old sister that her father had gotten her pregnant. That wasn't news she ever planned on delivering.

"I need to go to the bathroom," she started toward the door suddenly. She stopped. "Can I go?"

Rachel looked back at her book as Quinn snuck a glance toward her. Another punch to the gut, Quinn thought to herself. She was shredded, grilling and burning the last bit of Rachel's innocence by tainting her with her truth. She sighed. Before she used to condemn them for not being honest with her, now she felt like she was running over boxes of newborn puppies if she made Rachel sad in any way.

"Sure," Nana said standing up.

Quinn turned and headed up the stairs. She was going to pretend she was going to the bathroom but she was going to sneak up the stairs and - Her thoughts immediately stopped when she heard footsteps behind her climbing the stairs. She turned and saw Nana staring at her.

"Um... I'm going to the bathroom," she said.

"Your mother said you're not allowed to be alone and that means the bathroom too," she said simply.

"You're going to watch me pee?" Quinn frowned.

"No, but I'm going to stand at the door probably in that slight alcove," she said.

Quinn frowned. "I don't need to go anymore," she said quietly.

"You don't?"

"No," she said deflated.

"It was a decoy?" the older woman asked with a smile.

"Yes," she said with a huff. She wandered back into the kitchen to the island and sat in her seat next to Rachel who was practically breathing in her ear. Her shallow breathing saying, 'Love me. Look at me.'

She sighed and grabbed her pencil and began to write. However, she was stopped. On her notebook was a piece of paper and in perfect cursive it said, "I'm sorry I made you cry."

Quinn sighed. God damn puppies in a box.

She wrote back on it, "Don't be sorry. Seriously. I'm not angry. I promise. :)." Happy faces make things better, she told herself.

She watched Rachel read it cautiously and then tentatively write back. "You can be angry. I know you are angry at yourself and by extension you're angry at me... That's okay..."

Quinn sighed. "Can we talk about this not on loose leaf, later? I'm not mad and I don't want to have to explain it on paper."

Rachel bowed her head as she read Quinn's words. Maybe, she had been too harsh, Quinn thought.

"Okay," Rachel wrote back simply.

The blonde looked up and Santana was staring at her with a frown from Rachel's other side. However, before more notes of questions could be asked, the back door opened and Shelby came through the door.

"Hi," Shelby said gently. She went around the room and kissed them all softly on the tops of their heads. "Did we all eat dinner?"

"Ma, it's like... ten o'clock," Noah said looking at Rachel with a frown. "Someone should be going to bed but... hasn't."

Rachel turned and frowned at him.

"Actually, all of you should be heading to bed. You've been working on your work for hours. You should be all set right?" Shelby asked with an exhausted smile.

The kids all muttered and shuffled upstairs. Shelby could tell that Rachel was trying to get Quinn's attention. Quinn was trying to ignore Rachel's attention and then Santana was attempting to push herself as physically far from Shelby as possible. Noah, as always, was caught in his own thoughts while simultaneously soaking in the scene before him.

About twenty minutes later they were almost finished getting ready for bed. Noah was helping Rachel get tucked into Santana's bed and Santana and Quinn were trying to talk to each other but were being wardened by Nana. They certainly didn't want to talk about things in front of her, so not much ended up being discussed between the teens. Joey called up the stairs with her dog in her arms. Santana rolled her eyes but continued to brush her teeth.

"Hey, Shel, you'll never guess what I found in the bushes in the back when I was taking Charlie out," she called.

Santana and Quinn met each other's eyes with dread as they froze.

Joey and Shelby peaked into the bathroom. "Care to explain these tonight or tomorrow?" Shelby asked holding up the box of cigarettes with a look of exhausted annoyance more than anger.

"Tomorrow," Santana said.

Quinn nodded. "Yup, tomorrow."

Shelby nodded. "Fine," she said. "Quinn, I've had Pop-Pop move your blankets and lamb in. You'll sleep with me tonight, okay? Unless you want us to sleep in your bed."

"Why?" Quinn asked trying to conceal her contentment of sleeping in Shelby's room. It would never be anything that she would ask for, but it was something that she never really protested to. She felt a slight flutter in her heart. Shelby couldn't be that furious with her... No, Quinn, she reminded herself. This means she doesn't trust you when you sleep.

"Everyone all set?" Michael asked from the hallway.

"Where's George?" Rachel called.

"I got it," Michael said heading back across the hallway.

Joey waved goodbye and headed back down the stairs to head out for the night. Shelby disappeared into Rachel's room and kissed her goodnight and hugged Noah before he disappeared into his room. Santana tried to dawdle in the bathroom as long as possible until it was time to follow her grandfather across the hall and crawl into bed with Rachel.

"San," Shelby called out.

Santana sighed. "Yeah?" she asked, barely turning around.

Shelby walked in front of her and lifted her daughter's chin so that she was looking directly at her eldest daughter's sullen gaze.

"I love you," she said with brute honesty. "So so much."

Santana shrugged. "Yeah, I know."

"We'll talk tomorrow," she said kissing her lightly on the cheek.

"Kay," she whispered.

"Night," she muttered.

Shelby wandered into her own room and saw Quinn standing near the bed. Shelby was reminded of a time when she had to coax the girl to sleep in a bed and now Quinn was waiting patiently before climbing into one of the few beds where she felt safe, but refused to admit it.

Shelby smiled at her. "You ready for bed?" Quinn nodded. "If you don't feel comfortable..."

Quinn suddenly let out a small sob. She stood awkwardly near the bed. Shelby gave a small rueful sigh and wrapped her arms around the girl. Quinn hated and loved Shelby for this. The woman left the house because Quinn had made her so angry that she lost her words and now she was here hugging her and comforting her.

"I know you've had a hard day, sweetie," she said quietly. She smiled into the blonde's hair. "A long couple days. I'm not thrilled in the least about the tattoo," she continued with her arms still wrapped around her. "But I still love you. I'm still so thankful for you and I'm forever grateful to call you my daughter." She pulled away slightly and cupped her cheek. "So proudly so."

"I'm so sorry," Quinn cried into her neck.

"For what?" she asked.

"I told Rachel all of those things... I told her those things about me... and made her cry," the blonde said wiping her tears.

"Shh," Shelby said gently. "Don't be sorry. We all know how Rach can be with all of her questions. You were just being honest with her.-"

"Well, clearly that wasn't a good idea," she said stifling another sob unsuccessfully.

"It's alright," Shelby said. "You were actually doing what Alicia was advising us to do: not sheltering her from the truth. No one is mad about that. We'll just have to remember to have a conversation with Rachel about what you two talked about."

"I would really rather not," she muttered. "I feel like I've done enough damage."

Shelby pulled her into her arms again cradling her head in the crook of her arm. "You haven't damaged anything."

"I have... I'm sorry about everything all of it..."

"Q-bear," she cooed softly wrapping her in her arms more tightly. "I love you. You've apologized enough. We're going to sleep now and start anew tomorrow. I'll love you tomorrow and the day after and the day after that."

Shelby eased Quinn and her lamb into the bed. Thankful that the medicine was kicking in. Quinn eased her eyes shut as she relaxed in Shelby's arms. The mother sighed, fell into sleep and into a memory that she had almost forgotten ever existed: a time of innocence.

_Shelby scooped another spoonful of hummus onto her carrot and popped it into her mouth. Santana and Noah had just arrived back from school. It was snack time. _

_"Mumma?!" _

_Shelby looked up and her five year old daughter, almost six year old, was staring at her with a deep set frown. Shelby finished chewing and looked at her child with a bashful laugh. _

"_Yes?" she asked._

"_Mumma..." Santana began. She straightened to clearly demonstrate that she meant business. _

_Shelby mimicked her young daughter and folded her hand on the table. "Yes, my big girl?" _

"_Why..." She paused. "...Um..." She paused again. _

"_It's okay, Santana," Shelby said, sensing her daughters careful cogitation about her important statement. Santana had more noticeably _

"_Mumma," she said again more confidently. _

"_Yes?" she asked with a smile. She never knew what her children would say. _

"_You should stop eating," Santana said plainly. "You're getting big and round." _

_Shelby stared at her daughter in shock and didn't even look up when her son spit his milk on the table. _

"_San, you're not supposed to call ladies fat," he whispered. "Daddy said." _

"_She's Mumma not a lady," Santana said with an eye roll. "Right Mumma?" Before Shelby could answer, Santana went on. "The only person I know who eats as much as you is Bubbles at school... PLUS yesterday, at Mattie Moo's you wouldn't share your cookie dough brownie top sundae with me OR Daddy-" _

"_Or me!" Noah said with a frown. _

_Santana rolled her eyes and went on. "Mamma, you needs to share." _

"_I need to share," Shelby corrected with a sigh. _

"_That's what I said," Santana said. She turned to her brother. "I said that right?" _

_Shelby stared at her daughter with a deep-set frown and her jaw hanging open in pure shock. "Um... well," she managed. She took a deep breath and collected herself. "I'm …. Okay... Noah, we all need to talk-" _

"_About you not sharing?" Santana asked. _

_Shelby looked at her daughter gently. "San, we've talked about interrupting people. Meaning talking when other people are talking." _

_Santana frowned. "Sorry..." _

"_Noah, please either eat the pretzel or throw it away. You've licked all of the salt off of it and now it's soggy," Shelby said offering her son a napkin. Noah frowned and started to put the pretzel back in the bag. "Noah! Have you been licking off all the salt on the pretzels and putting them back in there?" _

_Noah frowned. Shelby had her reply. She reached over and took the bag, giving her first born one last handful of half-soggy pretzels and threw the rest of the bag away. "Noah, please do not do this anymore. It's disgusting." _

_Santana shrugged in a way that made the mother think that her children had done worse things. Oatmeal in the underwear drawer, she reminded herself. Her children's endless, though disgusting, imaginations were ceaselessly inventive. She made a mental note to have Leroy and herself talk more about it. She frowned and looked at her children who were silently exchanging looks, in a way that only siblings could. She and Leroy wanted to wait and tell the children together. Before when Santana was born, Noah was two and didn't need much of an explanation of the miracle of life. However, now both of them had minds that were way too quick and dangerous for their own good. She rolled her eyes with a slight frown, looking in the direction of the newly tossed pretzels. Clearly, she told herself. She wanted to do this with Leroy but clearly she had some questions to answer now. _

"_Alright," she said facing the kids. "I need to tell you something." _

_Santana crossed her arms. "What? You and Bubbles both eat and -" _

"_Santana, who is Bubbles?" _

"_Mumma, you interrupted me," Santana said. _

_Shelby frowned. She had found herself with her foot in her mouth more than once with her children. She didn't want to scar them when she told them about their new baby sister. They had just found out that it was going to be a girl, their Rachel. Just as Leroy had predicted much to Shelby's chargin. _

"_I am sorry, Santana. Please finish what you were saying," Shelby said to the five year old. _

"_You and Bubbles both eat a lot and I think... I think well... you should stop eating as much. Do you still go running with my daddy?" _

"_He's my daddy, too," Noah corrected. _

_Santana glowered at her brother. "No," she said._

"_To answer your question," Shelby intervened. "Yes, Daddy and I still go running." _

_The girl looked at her mother. "It doesn't look like it." _

_Shelby looked at her body, suddenly fearful that her five year old was acosting any person that looked overweight. "Everyone looks differently, Santana. Bodies change." _

"_Because people eat a lot," she said simply. _

"_Yes, but sometimes, people can't help how they look. Sometimes, medically, they cannot lose weight," Shelby said softly trying her best to teach her intrepid daughter a lesson. _

_The five year old looked at her mother. "So they can be … BIG and... ROUND... and... bumpy-" _

_Shelby frowned. "Bumpy? What do you mean?" _

_Noah looked up from where he was still sorting through his soggy pretzels. "Like... Mrs. O'Leary...she's bumpy." _

_The expression of curiosity melted off of Shelby's face and was replaced by a look of utter embarrassment and confounding shock. Mrs. O'Leary wore tight pants all of the time and her cellulite was clearly outlined through it. Her children, of course, would see that. _

"_Guys, when you describe people how they look when they look differently from others it's rude," she said as simply as she could. _

"_Why?" Santana asked.  
><em>

"_Because people are different. You're different. I'm different and Noah's different," Shelby attempted to explain. "It's okay to be different but when people point out people's differences in... a mean way, it can be hurtful. Like when you say something about someone with a face -" _

"_Her yucky face?" Noah asked._

"_My yuck face?" Santana asked. _

_He nodded. "When you don't like something you make this face and everyone knows it." _

_She frowned. "Do I Mumma?" _

"_Sometimes," Shelby said. "But see Santana? When your brother pointed something like that out to you it can be hurtful because you don't mean to make that face, but you do. However, if you are pointing at people and describing them in ways that aren't very nice, it can make them sad. Do you think Mrs. O'Leary wants to be described as 'big, round, and...bumpy?'" _

_Santana thought about this for a moment. "No," she said. _

"_No," Noah echoed. _

_Shelby internally commended herself. Okay, check. She paused. "Wait, Santana. Who's Bubbles?" _

"_This boy in my class," she said simply with a shrug. "I named him that." _

_Shelby sighed at her daughter's casual air. Clearly that point hadn't been made yet. _

"_Wait... is calling him that bad?" _

_Shelby paused. Maybe she spoke too soon. _

"_Well, why do you call him that?" Shelby asked. _

"_Because he looks like a bubble," she said again thinking over her words carefully as if they were about to push her into a trap. "Like... like the ones that Noah can blow with the Bubblicious Bubble Gum." _

_The mother waited patiently as Noah and Santana mulled this over. _

"_So that's rude?" Noah asked. _

"_I think so," Santana said. "Right?" she frowned again. "But he likes being called Bubbles." _

"_Yeah, he does," Noah gibbed in. _

_Shelby tilted her head. "What's his real name?" _

"_Cornelius Castelluccio," Santana said with a struggle to say his last name. She nodded. "He doesn't like his name." _

_Shelby sighed trying her best to conceal her smile. "Well, that might be the case, but..." _

"_It's because he's Bubbles. If he wasn't Bubbles he might cry," Santana said carefully. _

_Shelby nodded and tapped her daughter's nose with her finger. "That's it," she smiled. _

_A comfortable silence fell over them as Shelby basked in her success of teaching her forever stubborn children a lesson. _

"_Soooo..." Santana said. "Why do you keep eating so much?" _

_Shelby sighed. Oh, right, that's how they had began. "Okay," she said with a deep breath. "Your Daddy and I wanted to talk to you together about this, and will probably talk to you more about this later. I promise." _

"_Kay," Noah said as he stood up from the table. _

_Santana grabbed his arm. "No, stay. I wanna know. Fat people die earlier. Mommy can't be dead." _

"_Wait," Shelby said. "Santana, who told you that?" _

_The five year old looked at her mother. "I don't know, the lady at school. The one who gave us the yucky granola stuff and pictures." _

_Shelby suddenly wondered how many other five year olds misconstrued the health demonstrations at schools. She bucked up. She had to not make this conversation be another one of those demonstrations gone awry. _

"_Guys, I'm eating for two people now," she began. _

_Santana narrowed her eyes and arched her brow. "We know." _

"_Know what?" _

"_That you're eating for two people," Santana said frankly. _

_Shelby frowned. "You know?" _

"_Yeah, because you're bigger... Who are you eating for? Daddy?" she looked at Noah and gave him an up-down. "You're not eating for him are you?" _

"_Santana, we've talked about talking about people in front of them. Noah is still sitting next to you." Santana looked back at her, puzzled. "And he can hear you," she emphasized. _

_She turned to her brother. "Sorry." The two of them looked at her expectantly. "So... who are you eating for?" _

"_Your sister," she said simply. Be frank, be simple, she told herself. _

_Noah looked at Santana and Santana looked at Noah. _

"_... Um... Where is …. Wait... who?" Noah managed. _

"_Guys, I'm pregnant," Shelby said. _

_A look of understanding settled on Noah's face. "I get it!" _

_Santana frowned more deeply. "I don't!" _

"_Mommy has a baby in her belly," Noah said reaching for a soggy pretzel. Shelby nodded, impressed with her son. "She has to feed it by eating." _

_Santana scowled at her brother and tethered her gaze between her mother and her brother. "How?" she asked. _

_Noah shrugged as he chewed the pretzel. "I don't know but Mommy will get REAL big and then push the baby out of her belly button." _

"_Uh, actually, no," Shelby said. _

"_Her belly button?" _

"_No," she said again. _

"_Yes," Noah said. "Wayne in my class said that the belly button feeds the baby and gives the baby life." _

_Santana lifted her shirt and looked at her belly button. "Mine doesn't do anything." _

"_It's true. And you know what?" Santana looked at him, patiently. "Daddy put the baby there." _

"_Where did he get it?" Santana asked. _

"_His pee pee!" _

_Shelby put up her hands. "Okay!" she clearly needed to clarify this. _

"_No, Mumma! I know! There are tadpoles in daddy's pee pee-" _

"_Will they be frogs?" _

_Noah shook his head confidently. "No, they swim to Mumma's garden and then... the baby crawls in the stomach...I think..." _

_Santana frowned as she faced her mother again. "Where is your garden? Can I see it? Are there other babies in the garden?" _

_Shelby looked at her children. What just happened? "Well, sorta. Babies come from your privates, it's a bit complicated, but yes, you're right. Babies come out of Mommy's privates." _

_Noah and Santana looked at her in horror. "No wonder boys dont have babies that would hurt too much!" _

"_Well, it hurts for mommies too," Shelby smiled. She looked at Santana who was staring at her in confusion and then looking in between her legs. _

"_Is there... Will a baby fall out when you pee?" she asked. _

"_No, no, Sanny," Shelby smiled. "You won't have to learn about that for a long time. And your sister will come out at a hospital." _

_Santana looked at her again and then looked at her brother. "My daddy did not put a baby in your stomach." _

"_I assure you he did," Shelby said with a laugh._

"_Prove it," Santana countered. _

_Shelby sighed. "No, I promise you. Daddy and I did this together. He's already picked out a name." _

"_Nope," she said. "My Daddy wouldn't do that." _

_"You can ask him when he gets home," Shelby said with a smile._

_Santana scowled and looked at her mother then looked at her brother and then back at her mother's stomach. _

_"So she's in there?" she asked with baffled curiosity. "Right now? She's stuck in there with your hummus? You covered her with your hummus?"_

_"Not exactly," she replied with a smile._

_"The hummus goes in her belly button," Noah asked. "Right? Mom?... Mom?... Mom?"_

Shelby jumped and opened her eyes to the darkness. She remembered that moment clearly and she remembered in that moment thinking that was a big hurdle. Now the memory was littered with bittersweet irony.

"Mom? Mom?"

She opened her eyes and watched light filter into the room.

Rachel was standing in the doorway looking at her with exhausted eyes. Shelby crawled out of bed and caught sight of the clock. 3:46am. They almost made it through the night, she thought to herself as she ushered Rachel out of the room to see what she needed.

…..

Quinn woke up and and felt a knee in her back and then a hand on her face. She removed the hand on her face and opened her eyes. Rachel was gripping onto the front of Shelby's shirt with one hand and had her other hand on Quinn's face. Quinn frowned and looked over her shoulder. Santana was spooning her other side, still sound asleep. How big was this bed?

"Morning."

She looked over Rachel and Shelby was looking at her with a soft smile.

"Did you sleep alright?" the mother asked.

"Til now," Quinn mumbled.

"Shush," Santana moaned. "Sleep."

"Are we late?" Rachel grumbled with her eyes closed.

"Not yet," Shelby said looking at the clock.

"Why does it matter? You're not going," Santana muttered.

Rachel huffed but kept her eyes closed.

Shelby disentangled herself. "15 minutes girls and then out of bed." She peeked out into the hallway.

Quinn eased back into sleep, grateful for a little more rest. She sighed.

"Quinn?" Rachel's voice rang out.

The blonde groaned. "Yeah?"

"Why... Why..." she began.

"Bug, I'm tired. What's up?" she mumbled.

"Why can't you take off your clothes if you have your period?" she asked.

The blonde opened her eyes and looked at the perplexed girl. "What?"

"Yesterday at the doctor's, you said that?"

Quinn rolled her eyes and closed them. "I don't remember half of what I say."

"Don't tell her that," Santana urged with exhaustion.

"You don't?" Rachel asked again making Quinn feel as if she were a puppy killer.

"No, I don't," she said honestly opening her eyes. "I don't know if I said that. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

Rachel sat up and leaned back against the pillows. "You didn't... you didn't hurt my feelings...I just don't understand... how badly does it hurt?"

Quinn felt Santana shift behind her. Quinn turned on her back and looked at her, begging for help.

"Rach," Santana began. "It's really early. It feels like a bad tummy ache, but you can still do stuff. Q was just saying that so she didn't have to do it."

The young girl frowned. "Oh," she mumbled. "I'm going to … go..."

Quinn squeezed her eyes shut. "Rachel, come back."

"No, it's fine. You … you didn't hurt my feelings... I just... um...I'm sorry for asking so many questions." She shrugged and let George dangle at her side as she slowly left the room.

Quinn groaned. "Fuck, how does she do that?"

"Make you feel like crap so quickly?" Santana asked. "It's a gift," she sighed.

….

A few hours later, Shelby shifted in her seat. She looked over her shoulder at the window. Quinn was waiting outside the office with Santana. She sighed and turned back to the principal.

"Alright, Mrs. Corcoran, thank you for coming in today," the principal said as he folded his hands.

The mother nodded and looked at the other man in the room. What was the superintendent doing here?

"We have a lot to talk about," the mother said, taking the defensive with her approach. "I understand that my children broke the rules; however, how is it that they were able to leave so easily? If I remember correctly, according to the letter that you sent out last week, we were going to really crack down on security and really monitor the students. My daughter, Santana, is being harassed and Quinn has apparently been skipping history for over a week. Please explain this to me. I send my children to school in hopes that they will be safe, academically challenged, and personally enlightened. My children aren't getting any of that."

"Mrs. Corcoran," the superintendent began. "We apologize for all that your family is going through-"

"Don't," she hissed. "You and I know very well, Simon, that you are here only because your school district is being examined by the entire country because you allowed a predator into your school. How many young girls were lured into his classroom? I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to help my children get an education and I would be happy to take them elsewhere if need be."

The man sighed and looked at her. "We are trying our best to -"

"Your best isn't good enough," she interrupted. "Finn Hudson is testifying against my girls. Tell me if we can come up with a safety plan here to ensure that their interactions are nonexistent or at least minimal."

The principal sighed. "You know we don't have the resources to do that, Shelby."

The woman squeezed her eyes shut. "What are you and your teams doing about the harassment? I won't tolerate it. And quite frankly neither should you. Yes, we are all tied to the social stigmas of this community but what are we teaching these kids if we let it go?"

There was a heavy sigh. "I wish I could tell you that we can try to eliminate all harassment. However, change doesn't happen overnight and we certainly cannot promise to be able to monitor and work on the hatred. We had an assembly on the new anti-bullying policy and we've made some progress, but we can't control all of it nor hear every taunting word."

Shelby sighed. "I understand that. Therefore, I have no choice but to pull Quinn from school for the rest of the semester. I'll speak with Santana and Noah, but I certainly hope that school becomes less of a twisted war zone and more like an actual learning environment." She stood. "Is there a place where I can speak to my daughters?"

The principle was given a look by the superintendent and he stood with a nod.

"You can use my office," the principal offered.

Shelby nodded and ushered the baffled girls into the office. Santana looked at her with a frown and crossed arms as Quinn stared at her hands, pretending she was elsewhere.

"What's going on?"

The mother straightened. "I don't think that this school is good for the two of you. Quinn, I can't keep your interactions with Finn monitored and I believe that I have to pull you from school with everything going on, especially with the trail coming up. I know that you're both not focused and Santana, I am not happy at all about the harassment that you're receiving-"

"Mom, it's not..." Santana trailed off.

"It is, San," she said. "I've decided that Quinn, I'm pulling you from school and Santana, I am torn whether or not to pull you as well. "

The brunette straightened and put her hand up to try to halt her mother's words. "What?" She looked at Quinn who was just staring at their mother. "What!?"

Quinn felt like she didn't feel anything. She didn't have anything to say about this. She wasn't attached to school. She didn't even like it here. She had nothing holding her here except Santana. She wanted to make sure her sister was okay, but that was it. However, it was a big 'it.' Finn's words echoed in her head.

_"You kinda do," he muttered. "I know I wasn't supportive... I know I ..." His brow became angry. "You're not innocent here. You lied to me!"_

She couldn't be here. She had been down this path before and had known this feeling before. She didn't need school in the least. She didn't want to be here. She was barely holding on to the home that she needed. She didn't want to ruin it anymore. She didn't want to fight anymore. She was just too tired. She looked up and realized that Santana was staring at her and her mouth was moving. She was talking to her.

"What?" she asked.

"Are you listening?" Santana asked. "Is this what you want?"

Quinn shrugged. "I know that it's not something that I don't want. I hate school San... and I didn't realize it... I don't... I don't want …." She looked at Santana as if it were just the two of them. "I don't want to leave you here alone."

Santana looked at her, her own wall of instinctive anger melting slightly.

"I don't want you to stay someplace you don't want to be," she said quietly to her sister.

"Do you want to stay here, Santana? You can think about it if you wish," Shelby offered.

Santana looked at her. The thought of being excluded from home made her jealous, but she didn't know if she could miss school. She missed Brittany. This was where she saw Brittany. At that moment, with the possibility of losing it, she realized that she wasn't ready to give it up.

"I want... I want to stay I think," she muttered.

"San, I am going to let you decide if you want to continue to go to school or if you want to be homeschooled for a while like your sisters," Shelby said coming toward her. She took her daughter's hands as her eldest daughter continued to avoid her eyes as if they might turn her to stone... or maybe because she was afraid to cry. She began quietly as Quinn stepped away from them closer to the door, trying to give them privacy. "I know that it has been tough on you. I can't even imagine how tough it has been but I am so proud of you for being so brave," she said quietly. She lifted the girl's chin so that their eyes met. "I just wish you would see how brave you are. I guarantee you Santana there are at least ten kids in your very grade right now that are questioning their sexuality just like you,San-"

"Mom, I don't want to talk about this," she said trying to pull away.

Shelby went on softly, "I know, but I want you to know that those kids have not been able to say it or display it. What you and Brittany have is very special and unfortunately you are not able to enjoy it because of uneducated mean spirited people and I am so sorry for that. It is your choice whether you want to continue going to school right now or take a break and be homeschooled. However, I need to know that you are safe at school too so if anything happens to change that I will make the decision. If someone says something and you feel like fighting or you need to leave, you will have your cell phone to call me and you will also be allowed to go to coach's office and cool down in there. But, if I find out you are skipping any classes or you leave school or you fight, you _will_ be staying home with your sisters. Do you understand?"

"Yeah," Santana said with a slight nod.

Shelby leaned forward and pulled Santana into a tight hug. The girl felt stiff and unsure of the embrace for a few moments before she gave in and hugged her back with a light embrace. "I want you to only have to worry about yourself right now," she whispered into her daughter's hair as she palmed the back of her daughter's head. She kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "Later today we will also be discussing what happened at the diner and your behavior there, it was not acceptable and you know that." She looked over at Quinn. "The two of you need an explanation for the cigarettes that your aunt found in the bushes. Better get your stories straight before we all chat tonight. I'm interested to see what you have to say. I won't be forgetting about those. " She smiled at the girls' unexcited faces before turning back to Santana. "I love you."

She gave a tiny nod in her mother's embrace. Suddenly, realizing that her mother had always given her choices and that it was life that was so brutal and absent of any personal choosing. She had always thought that it was her mother that had limited her and forced her into the life that she now lived. She was rarely outwardly bitter toward her mother about that, but in this moment she was reminded of how hard her mother tried. She rethought and realized she wasn't seeing it for the first time as much as she was finally understanding it.

"I love you too," she muttered, hugging Shelby tighter.

Santana pulled away suddenly realizing that she wasn't alone. Shelby looked at Quinn and held her arm to her. "You ready?"

Quinn nodded and walked with Shelby and Santana down the hallway. When they arrived at the appex of the hallway Santana paused and waved subtly. "See ya," she whispered.

Quinn felt numb as she walked out to the car. She climbed into the passenger seat and buckled in silence. She looked back at the school. She didn't miss it; she didn't care. However, she still felt like she should.

"What about Cheerios?" she asked abruptly.

"I talked with Sue about you leaving," she began quietly.

"San should be bumped up to head cheerio. She deserves it. She's practically already it," she trailed off as she got lost in her thoughts.

Quinn was so much in her head that she wasn't really listening to what was being said or even that anything was being said at all. She suddenly felt a hand on her leg. She looked up and Shelby was staring at her.

"What?" she asked, embarrassed.

"I need you to focus, Quinn," she said turning to her leaving the car off. Her keys dangled in the ignition and Quinn suddenly felt that their swinging motion was mesmerizing. "Quinn," she said again. "I'm sorry I didn't give you a choice with school, but seeing you like this... You're not focusing with me... how can you focus in class? I'm worried about you-"

"You're not worried about Santana and Noah?" she asked with a frown.

"I am," she said simply. "But I'm worried about your recent actions. Skipping class... The tattoo..."

Quinn felt a lump jump in her throat. "I... I ….. I didn't mean for you to find out about it."

Shelby looked at her quizzically. "Well, I did, Quinn." She looked at the area that Quinn had the tattoo. "Quinn, why … why did you do this?... Really do it?"

The blonde looked at her with tear filled eyes. "I don't... I don't know how long I will be here for but... I …. this... this is home to me... and I wanted to remember this year..."

Shelby frowned and sighed. "That's what I thought," she muttered as she pulled her into a hug across the center console. "Quinn, I know you are hurting and things have changed drastically over the last couple of months for you and I can appreciate all the effort and all that you have given to us and most importantly yourself. However, as your mother I will not let you continue down this destructive path that you have been going. I would never let your sisters or your brother get a tattoo either. And it's not just about expressing yourself and the fact that it's your body and your choice." She paused and searched her eyes. "It's about the fact that it is dangerous for you. You don't have a spleen. You're fighting infections right now and also, I know that you think that right now, at sixteen, things seem permanently stuck in a rut, but they're not going to stay like this forever. They most certainly aren't."

Quinn looked down at her hands. She didn't want to have a talk. She wanted to disappear.

Shelby went on. "I understand you need your space but at the same time you have proven over the last couple of weeks that you are not making good choices when you go off on your own so I am not going to allow you to have that space for a while." She looked at her honestly and traced her daughter's knuckles gently. "When you feel you need some space you can ask me or Joey or Nana or Bear or Pop-Pop to go with you on a walk or sit in a room with you and I promise we won't talk and we will leave you alone while you take your time but I can't let you go off on your own for the foreseeable future. I know that you might think that this is harsh but I love you too much to change my mind about it."

She sighed, searching for a reaction from Quinn. Searching for anything.

She received nothing so she decided to go on. "I've decided that until at least January you will be home schooled with Rachel. You are a straight A student and I want to keep it that way. There are too many distractions for you at school. You seem to like to take off and leave it whenever you feel like it anyway, and you know that that is not okay and that it's unacceptable behavior but for some reason you keep doing it. I have contacted all of your teachers and I will be informing Ms. Holly that you will be with her full time. She is very aware of your course load. You will not fall behind any of your classmates. After speaking with Figgins, this will not reflect negatively in your school files at all. The coursework will be passed in with the other students and you will continue to receive any and all credits you would have earned if you remained in school." The girl was still staring at her hands. She continued more gently. "I need to know you are safe and being home is where I know you are the safest."

She sighed when Quinn continued to be unresponsive. "As for the tattoo," she began. Quinn looked up and Shelby was grateful for a reaction. "Our focus will be to keep it clean and healthy. You will be putting cream on that morning and night for the next week or so. You will be taking the antibiotic twice a day and I am making an appointment for you to have a complete physical with Dr. Fernandez."

Quinn frowned. "Why?"

"You need to stay healthy, Quinn. I think we need to really talk about putting you on birth control and-"

"I'm not having sex any time soon," she said quickly. "I don't need it."

Shelby searched her eyes. "Maybe, but when was the last time you had a regular period?"

Quinn thought for a moment. Since she had her first period they were never regular, she realized. Sometimes she would ache so much she had to double check to make sure what side her appendix was on. Other times, they would last for weeks; sometimes they would last a day.

Quinn shrugged. "I'm not going to have sex. I promise," she said, feeling another swell in her chest.

"Q-bear," Shelby whispered. She pulled her into her arms. She knew she couldn't tell her daughter that she knew the statistics about the higher frequency of promiscuity that many victims of sexual abuse practiced. But most importantly she knew her daughters. She knew what Santana had done and she didn't want that for Quinn. She wanted her girls to be safe. She couldn't tell her daughter that she didn't want her to become her sister; she didn't want her daughter to become a statistic. "Quinn, I want you to live a remarkable life and make safe mistakes, but that requires so much from you too. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Quinn looked at her honestly. "Why do you do this?" she asked slightly hurt and slightly exhausted.

"Do what?" the mother asked.

"Concentrate so much on my future when I can barely breathe through the present?" Quinn asked honestly. Shelby leaned back, surprised and struck by her honesty. "I can't think about the sex that I'll have because I don't know how I'll have it without thinking... of what I've already done."

"Quinn," she said quietly. "I think about your future. I think about your sisters' and your brother's future, simply because you have one. It's a plain and true fact that I think in your full heads and overflowing and unselfish hearts, the four of you forget."

"We forget?" she asked.

Shelby smiled and hugged her. "Yeah, you get stuck in a moment and you forget that there is a tomorrow."

"Do you do that?" she asked looking at her mother.

Shelby looked at her with a vulnerable gaze. "Yes," she said quietly. "I do."

"About what?" Quinn asked.

The mother treaded carefully. "I sometimes think I don't do right by you guys," she said quietly. "That my ex-husband could have done better."

Quinn smiled without hesitation. "That's impossible. You have the patience of a saint... even though you pretended that you didn't go to try to drink away your stress last night," the young girl said. Shelby looked at her mortified. The blonde smiled slightly and shrugged. "It's okay. You even did that with a strange grace." She let the smile fade slightly. "I _am_ sorry about the tattoo, but at the same time I'm not. I'm not," she ended with more fortitude in her voice. "I know it was bad but... I needed this..."

Shelby gave a heavy sigh. "I think I understand that. However you need to understand where I'm coming from. So part of of your punishment for leaving school, again, lying, forging my signature for the tattoo," Shelby paused at Quinn's surprised face at the mention of the last thing. She nodded her head. "Yeah, I know about that," she said pausing again for effect before continuing, "your punishment for all of the aforementioned is to write me two 5000 word papers on the following: The spleen and what it does for your body and what can happen when you lose it and two: the history of tattoos. And since you've gotten so good at lying lately - you can do the presentation that you told Joey you were working on the other day when you went to your friend's house and present it to me, Joey, Holly, Rachel and Nana."

Quinn let a glare settle on her face. "Seriously?"

"I haven't been known to kid," she smiled. "Yes, seriously." She looked at Quinn and cupped her face. "But no matter what, I love you. I even spoke with Jackie this morning over the phone. She's already forwarded your case over to the adoption unit. We're going to get this official."

The blonde looked at her hands and felt a question practically falling out of her mouth.

"Yes?" Shelby asked.

"Will... um..." she paused.

"What is it?" Shelby asked

Quinn looked at her hands and then traced her cuticles on her hands. "So... will..." she trailed off for a moment before taking a deep breath and looking at Shelby. She took another deep breath. "Will I be Quinn Corcoran?"

Shelby gave a smile. "If you'd like to be," she said with a smile.

Quinn paused for a moment. "Isn't that their dad's name? So shouldn't I be... a Berry? Shouldn't you be a Berry? You're maiden name?"

Shelby smiled. "You're certainly a Corcoran and you'll always be one to me. Name or not, it's your choice though."

The blonde leaned into her slightly. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, flipping to a different topic in her head instantly.

"For what?" the mother asked.

"For what I said to Rachel," she said quietly.

Shelby shook her head with a sigh thinking of her youngest daughter. "Don't be sorry. She needed to hear it and that's what she admires more about you: That you're honest with her. Sometimes things are hard to hear and I'm so proud of you for taking that leap and being honest with her, even though you didn't have to." She searched Quinn's eyes. "You really didn't have to."

The blonde frowned. "Who else would explain it to her?" she muttered. "It was my job... It's my story."

The mother looked at her with a new respect. "It is your story, but it's not your job. We could have done it together. We can talk to her together about it. I think she is in her head like you are right now and she's very confused about a lot of things. If you would like to clarify some things we can do it together..."

Quinn paused. "I don't know," she whispered. "I'll say the wrong thing."

"You won't," she said with a gentle gaze. "You'll know what to say and no matter how you say it, she'll still love you."

….

Rachel looked out the window, wondering where her mother had gone. Things had ended so abruptly that morning with her sisters. She wasn't mad at them as much as she was angry at herself and the world that continued to throw more baffling questions in her face. She looked down at her work. She looked at the book list that was available for her. One of the books was Diary of Anne Frank. Her nana thought she was too young to read it but she understood it. She wasn't ready to write her story. She wasn't even ready to tell it. She wanted to read about someone else with a story that sounded more atrocious than hers. Holly allowed her to do a report on it but the questions and the format of the report was more narrow than Rachel had expected. It's didn't gloss over the hard questions, but in some ways it did. She frowned. If she wrote a book and was betrayed by a family friend and brought to a concentration camp, would anyone read her story? She frowned more deeply. Could she do a project about the concentration camps? The terror of the tragedy fascinated her.

"Rachel?"

She looked up and Holly was looking at her with a frown. Sugar was staring back at her from the table, her work still in progress.

"What?" she asked quietly.

"We were talking about the field trip, would you like to participate?" Holly asked.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "What was the question?"

"What was your favorite?" Holly asked.

"I didn't have one," she muttered as she remembered how her sisters left her for school with a silent hug and kiss goodbye. No one could talk. No one could say anything to her. She didn't want to be in her kitchen. She didn't want to be learning. She didn't want anyone to talk to her. She just wanted to crawl into a small space with George and disappear.

"Rachel, I think you had at least one that you liked more than the others," the teacher offered.

"No," she said quietly. "I didn't."

"Rachel, don't be rude," Nana called

Rachel continued to look ahead. She looked at the pile of plates that her grandmother was drying and stacking at the end of the counter. She didn't want to be here. It was as if she couldn't concentrate on all that was going on in reality because everything that was screaming in her head was too loud.

"I don't care," she mumbled. She stood up from her seat, not noticing the car pull into the driveway.

"Rachel, we're not finished," Holly called, but the girl acted like she didn't hear her.

The tiny girl stood and ran her arm along the island's counter top. She didn't want to learn. She didn't want to know anymore. She always thought she wanted to know. She thought she wanted to feel and understand but she didn't. That's why she had walked away from her sister's this morning. She couldn't listen to the silence and watch the echos of confusion and heartache on their faces at her curiosity. She was a child, like Sugar had said. She was behind and everyone was blocks in front of her. She was always trying to catch up with them, but she was tired. She didn't want to anymore. Not in the least.

"Rachel, sit down," Nana called. Rachel ran her arm along the counter. "Sit down, Rachel." she repeated again.

"What's wrong with her?" Sugar asked, but Rachel couldn't hear her.

The girl continued to walk forward and ran her arm along the counter's edge; it collided with the stack of plates and the eight ceramic plates crashed to the ground with a thunder and a bang. And for the first time in her life, Rachel didn't flinch at the sound. She simply kept walking and climbed up the backstairs. She was so tired of all of it.

"Rachel!" Nana screamed at the mess.

"Rachel, come back right now," Holly called.

The girl continued to climb the stairs. She wasn't going to chase after anyone anymore. She was tired of searching for the answers. She was tired of being left behind. She wasn't going to try anymore. People would have to come after her because now it was her turn to have people be behind her. She was walking away.

Shelby walked into the kitchen to find her mother and Holly calling after Rachel.

"What is going on?" she asked as Quinn followed her into the kitchen.

The two of them settle their gaze on the pile of broken ceramic plates that littered the tiled floor.

"Holly, could you begin to go over the plan with Quinn? You should all move into the dining room. I'll be right back," she said looking at the broken plates, she expected to find a panicking daughter upstairs. She knew how much Rachel hated loud noises, the breaking of the plates must have been what sent Rachel fleeing from the room, she assumed. "Rach and I will probably be doing the neb for a bit." Shelby felt someone grab her arm, stopping her from exiting the room.

"I didn't drop them," Helen said holding her daughter's gaze. "Rachel wasn't listening to us. She was barely responding and then she just pushed them off of the counter and walked away." Shelby looked at her with surprise. "She didn't flinch. She didn't say a word. She just walked away."

"What?" Quinn asked looking at all of the plates.

"Yes, it was weird," Sugar said. "It was like she was a crazy from a horror movie."

"Don't call my sister crazy," Quinn hissed looking at the younger girl.

Shelby nodded at Quinn to follow Holly to the dining room and she climbed the stairs to find her now unflinching daughter.

"Rach?" she called.

The hallway was empty.

"Rachel?" she called again.

Santana's room was empty. Quinn's room was empty. Noah's room was Rachel-less. Shelby settled into her room and was ready to leave when she heard a rustle from the closet. She went into the closet, begging that Rachel hadn't picked the lock to the attic. She opened the door and in the corner of the master closet was a box that she had flattened that had now been refolded. She perched next to the cardboard and knocked softly on the box.

"Rachel?" she said quietly. "Can you come out of the box?"

There was no answer.

Shelby let herself slide to a sitting position and lean against the wall. "Okay, bug. I'll be here when you're ready to come out."

The mother looked at her watch. She had five hours before she had to pick up the other kids. Hopefully, Rachel didn't have the willpower of her sisters and would wait this out for over five hours, but either way she would wait.

….

**Please let me know what you think. Get ready... Holidays are coming. **


	56. Chapter 56

littleredwritinggleek – I don't think Quinn tricked her body as much as her body tricked her – meaning she did not enjoy it at all but her body did things that she could not control. Never feel your questions are stupid. I love questions it no bother – please keep them coming. Thanks for the review.

JWilson18 – Thank you so much for your kind words. I am happy that you enjoy the story. Thanks for reviewing.

Guest – I agree her storyline was ruined in the show. They did handle the car accident terribly. Sorry but it wont be in this story. Shelby is too attentive of a mom. Thanks for the review.

Drea LuRuiz – I am glad you had a chance to catch up. I am so happy you still enjoy the story, Thanks for reviewing.

Guest – The holidays are coming soon. Please hang on – it's a new experience for some. Thanks for the review.

hannahginny – Thanks

Gleeks09 – Thank you so much I love your stories as well. Quinn and Rachel being home schooled with Holly and a little bit of Sugar should certainly cause some chaos. Thanks for the review.

Crying here – I'm sorry you find it so sad – thanks for reading and I am really sorry I lost a reader. Thanks for reading while you did.

Scout88 – I think the only reason Shelby questioned her parenting skills with Quinn is because there are so many layers to Quinn and Shelby is just reaching the surface. She thought she had a better handle on her but it is coming. Thank you as always for your wonderfully long reviews. I really love them and appreciate them! Quinn and Shelby's relationship is truly beautiful and I love writing them together. I'll talk a little bit about why Shelby had Quinn sleep with her. We'll also see more about Noah in this chapter and his future. As for Rachel, this is kinda of the beginning of something that won't see a clear end until the sequel. ….. enough said on that one.

Renata –As always you pay close attention to our little Rachel. You're nailing her on the nose. Thank you as always or your detailed reviews It means a lot. Rachel's story is something that is still developing. Keep her subtle struggles in mind for the sequel. The holidays coming up will be fun. I'm not sure when Quinn and Rachel will return to the doctor but they will eventually. Don't worry Bear will be in this a bit. :) Thanks as always.

broadwaybound2016 – Rachel will not become mute. I am so so happy that you enjoyed that chapter. I hope you like this one as much. Thanks for the review.

justanotherreaderr – Ok no reading in classes. You need to focus on them but I am so happy that you liked the chapter. I hope you are going to enjoy this one. Thank you for reviewing.

Kimberlli – I hope this one does it for you. This one has a little bit of everything I think. Thanks for the review.

OTHangels – Thank you

thelastcenturian – Thank you so much.

leamicheleisawesome – I am happy you found my story. Feel free to PM me with any questions or concerns you may have I love to hear from my readers. Thank you for the review.

Ryoko05 – Yes unfortunately in these cases the fix is not overnight and does take a long process I am glad you are still on this journey with me. Thanks for the review.

some thoughts – Wow I am blown away. Thank you so much. I am so glad you liked this last chapter. Quinn is finally feeling love in her life and to her that is such a strange feeling. Imagine being 16 and not feeling love from your family. She has to relearn the basic things over again. Thank you for your review.

lovecanbesostrange –Thank you for reviewing don't apologize for not commenting on every last thing just hearing from you and knowing that you're still reading is enough. We'll get a little more into Santana's head in this chapter. She is very much better able to cope with other people's issues than hers. For her not to run to after Rachel it was a huge thing. thank you for taking note of that lol I can see Rachel asking Santana what you asked. Sex is a concept that Rachel will continue to struggle with into the sequel. I like Gus too. I think he's great for Shelby's character. Thanks again for your responses!

Fangirl44 – It is very huge but is it a good thing or a bad thing? You will start to see Rachel change more and more but some of the changes are not for the better. Thanks for the review.

Doodle19 – Rachel will start to do that more and more – she is growing and is no longer just a little girl. But it may not always be for the better. Thanks for the review.

TommyH – Thank you as always!

UnicornsAndRainbows20089 – I am glad you enjoy! Thanks for the review.

marinka4 – Rachel will continue to ask but she may not always ask right away. I love Noah and especially in flashbacks. Thank you so much.

look4me – I like to keep my chapters at about this length but that is why they take me so long sometimes. Shelby does not joke when it comes to punishments – she wants to make sure the kids understand she means business. Quinn will learn that and maybe just maybe wont have to write too many more essays. She will need to learn to control herself better before Shelby can let her out of her sight. She needs to talk about her feelings more. If she had just run to a comfort place or something that would be one thing but she tends to put herself in danger lately and it is something Shelby has to control for now. She is just going to be out of school for the remaining part of the year – she is not stable enough to be in school right now. She does a lot of wandering. Thanks for the review.

dolphinluver46 – A little more of Noah and his football career in this chapter. Quinn has no choice with Shelby as a mom to be taking those meds. Rachel's reaction will be addressed but it is the start of her truly changing which in some ways is good but other ways bad. I am glad you liked this chapter. Thanks for the review.

TheCdKnight – Thank you so much for liking my story. I love to bounce ideas off other writers but I am not sure what kind of commitment I could give another story at this time. I have this current one and 2 or 3 others that I work on that are not published yet. PM me and we can chat. Thank you so much for reviewing.

NinjaGleek21 - Thanks as always for your cookies and support! I'm so grateful that you still read. Rachel will get some answers but not all.

**Thank you so much for your patience! Please let me know what you think! Just to let all of you know, Rachel's journey and all of the kids journey's won't be neatly wrapped up in this story, even though this story is far from over. Just something to think about. **

Chapter 56

Shelby waited and waited. She waited for about twenty minutes and then she heard a soft snore in the box. She sighed and gently opened the top of the lid. Rachel was asleep. Her small frame was leaning up against the edge of the box. Shelby sighed and decided that she would give her a bit before she woke her up.

She turned back to her bedroom. She began to clean up her room. Somehow it was a mess again and she reminded herself that the girls had slept in her bedroom. She looked at the messy bed and wondered if her children would always sleep with her. She desperately wanted them to achieve independence but a small selfish part of her was grateful that they still needed her.

She began to straighten the the room and she found herself suddenly refolding her clothes in her dresser. She needed something to keep her mind focused.

"Hey, there," she turned and spotted Bear standing at the entrance to her closet. Shelby sighed and led him out back through her room and into the hallway.

She looked at the clock. It had been over an hour. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "Thought I'd check in. Plus I need to take your parents to the the airport."

Shelby nodded. "Right," she said, remembering that they were flying back to Florida to settle things before returning to Lima for the entire holiday season... Shelby was tempted to stab herself in her eye at the seeming permanence of her parents' presence but she refrained.

"Don't worry," Bear smiled. "We set the guest bedroom up for them when they get back. We know it's our turn. I know that technically they were supposed to stay at our house I told Joey that and we'll deal with them. Rachel should have the option of sleeping in her room at the very least."

Shelby nodded. "I know they mean to help but-"

"You have a trial coming up. Not to mention one child is homeschooled because it's safer than high school and another kid is in a box in your closet," he smiled.

"Thanks," she said with a grimace. "She broke all of those plates downstairs, Bear. She didn't flinch and was unresponsive to everyone." Shelby pinched her brow. "The trial hasn't even started yet." She gave a defeated shrug. "It's only going to be downhill."

"I thought about what the ADA said," he sighed. "I think we do have to be honest with them." He winced at the thought. "It's hard for Rachel to talk and we've never pushed her to."

"And we shouldn't," Shelby said.

"You're a clinician though," Bear said gently. Shelby glared at him. "And the mother, sorry. But... I just... Rachel might be smashing plates and going silent not because she's being forced to talk but because so much is happening that she doesn't understand. This is the girl who needs to know how everything works and where everything comes from..." He shrugged. "She needs to know that more than anything about herself. You said yourself that she didn't ask questions because she was afraid of how we would react."

"Well, what i've learned is that applying reason to anger doesn't mean she won't feel it. I need to give the girls the right to feel what they feel." Shelby sighed and leaned against the wall. "I'm scared of the damage that this will do to her and Quinn …. and Noah and San too..." She looked at the pictures on the wall. There was one of all three of the kids sleeping on Leroy's shoulder about the same age. Leroy had made it into a collage about a year before their divorce. "I need to get more pictures of Quinn... Can … Do you think the Fabrays have them?"

Bear chuckled. "They don't strike me as the picture type, but I think you need to make your own memories of her here."

She shook her head. "You're right. I'll try to find my Canon somewhere... hmmm where did I put that?" Her mind was wandering. "I'm losing it. What did you say?"

"You're tired and stressed but you're going to get through this." he looked at her calmly.

As if fate were kicking her when she was down, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She sighed.

"Hello?"

"Shelby, this is Alicia."

The mother sighed. When did she give this woman her personal cell phone number?

The lawyer went on. "The motion for video testimony requires that they meet with a court appointed psychiatrist. I'll set up those appointments soon. I also want to schedule when a good time is to work with the girls individually...getting them ready for trial incase the video testimony doesn't work out...I have an opening early next week or later this week before the holiday. I still need to present how I'm approaching this case to the DA, but I really think that this is the best approach."

Shelby sighed. "Now's not really a good time."

"I don't know if there will ever be a good time. This is difficult to talk about."

"I understand that, but we have to talk about it."

Shelby realized in that moment that she shouldn't mention that Rachel was sleeping in a cardboard box. "Okay," she said honestly. "I just want to let you know that this is going to be difficult for them."

"I wouldn't expect it to be easy, but that's why we need to start," she said gently.

"I know," the mother stated.

"Alright, I'll email you with the details," she said quietly on the other end. "Talk to you later."

Shelby sighed and looked back at her closed door. "Okay," she said with a frown. "I need to get it together and go pick up San and Noah and -"

"I'll do that after I drop your parents off. Timing will be great. Don't worry about it."

She nodded. "Thanks." He nodded and began to walk away. "Hey, wait a minute do you still do that PSA with the elementary school?"

He frowned. "Which one?"

"The one with the M.E.," Shelby asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, who's in trouble now? I know you had that punishment saved for a rainy day."

"It's definitely raining," Shelby said.

"I'll set it up," he nodded. "For the girls?"

"Let's have all four of them do it. It'll be good for them," Shelby said.

He nodded and headed down the stairs. Shelby turned and headed back into the closet and saw that the box hadn't moved and there was still a gentle snore coming from in the box. She glanced at the clock and escaped into the bathroom to shower, hoping that Rachel wouldn't wake up or Quinn did not make Sugar cry...or Sugar didn't make Quinn cry. She sighed. Please behave for thirty minutes, she begged.

….

Quinn noted that there was one suitcase by the door. She frowned. Pop-Pop and Nana were going home with just that? She rolled her eyes. They were babysitting Shelby as much as Shelby babysitted all of them. Quinn frowned deeper. Didn't that annoy Shelby?

"Your face looks funny," Sugar said interrupting Quinn's thoughts.

"Everything about you looks funny," Quinn retorted.

"Quinn, enough," Helen said.

"Sugar, focus on your work please," Holly urged.

"It's time to leave this smelly place. It makes me think of Paula Deen's kitchen," she said as she looked at Helen. "Not that you're fat. You're 'healthy' but you should feed her more," she said as she poked Quinn's side. "It's time to leave."

Quinn shot out her palm and pushed Sugar out of her personal space with the heel of her hand by the younger girl's forehead. "Don't touch me, you urchin," she hissed.

"Quinn," Helen said with a frown.

"She started it," she said pushing at the girl who was now looking at her like she was an exhibit at the zoo.

"Act your age, please," Helen urged.

"What are you looking at, dopey?" she snapped as Sugar reached out to touch her hair. "Hands off, dwarf. I mean it."

"Sugar," Holly scolded. "Enough." She looked at Quinn. "I have set aside assignments for you and your sister and -"

"I know who you are!" Sugar said suddenly. "I read about you in the paper-"

Quinn felt the color drain from her face. She suddenly remembered that moment when she Googled the family when she first moved in. Her shame burned more deeply within her.

"Sugar, that's enough," the teacher stated.

The blonde bit her lip and looked away.

The young girl knitted her brow with confusion. "It's not. She's the head cheerleader. She's in the paper all of the time. They won the national championships last year."

Quinn looked at her with surprise and reluctant uncertainty. "That's what you read about me?"

Sugar shrugged. "What else would I read? There are only three sections to read: sports, comics and classifieds."

The blonde darted her eyes in confusion. "Classifieds?"

Sugar rolled her eyes. "That's where you find the puppies and kittens and bunnies for sale. Duh!"

Quinn looked at the girl and then the teacher and the older woman. Was this how this town would remember her or would Sugar be the only one? She remembered when they won last year. She sighed. That seemed like another lifetime; it seemed like another her. It was another her; the one she had to be in order to hide all of her pain from everyone that surrounded her.

"Can I go?" she asked. She stood and waved at Helen as Bear came into the room.

"Aren't you grounded?" he asked.

She glared at him.

He shook his head. "Shelby is upstairs with Rach."

Helen asked, "Want me to walk you up?"

"No," she said. "I can do it myself."

"Well, I don't think-" she began.

"Please," Quinn begged and snapped all at once.

"Don't push it," Helen said walking over to her and hugging her. "I already said goodbye to your mother, maybe I'll come up and say goodbye to Rachel-"

"I don't think she's in a talking mood," Quinn said pointing to the still broken pieces on the floor.

"Maybe I'll try," she said leading her upstairs.

"They're in Shelby's closet," Bear yelled after them.

Quinn frowned and followed Helen upstairs. Helen peaked into the closet but heard the shower going in the bathroom. Quinn's eyes settled on the box and suddenly she knew exactly where Rachel was. She looked over her shoulder and heard Shelby say that she would be out in a few minutes. Helen said that they had to go pick up Michael at Joey's house but that they would see them in a few days.

Quinn stopped listening as Shelby started telling her mother to wait a few minutes so she could say goodbye and then vaguely heard Helen telling her it wasn't needed. Quinn knew she had to stop trying to understand this family, and just start accepting them. They did not need long goodbyes. They didn't do anything like the "normal" families on television did. She gave the grandmother an uncomfortable shrug-wave combo and Helen gave the top of the box a small kiss. Eww, Quinn thought, don't kiss the box. Once Helen left Quinn sunk down and sat next to the box.

She put her hand on the outside of the box, pausing. "Rach?" she whispered. No response. She sighed and let her hand linger on the box. "Rach?"

It was silent. The blonde leaned back defeated against the wall.

"I don't like Sugar," Quinn said gently as she looked up at the ceiling noticing how neat and well-organized everything was in this room. "I get it now. I don't like her either... Listen... are you okay?" Still no answer. "Rach, you can't hide in boxes. Even though you look like you're eight, doesn't mean -"

"Quinn?" a little voice asked.

Her gaze snapped toward the box.

"Yeah?"

"Are you mad at me?" Rachel asked from inside the box.

"No," she said quickly. Her brows creased as she looked at the still closed box. "Were you faking being asleep when Nana was saying goodbye?"

"No," she mumbled. "I was just kinda asleep... Quinn?"

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Are you scared?" Rachel's voice was so small.

"Of what?" Quinn asked leaning her head back, pretending to be brave.

"Everything," Rachel mumbled.

She sighed and looked at her hands. "Rach?"

"Yeah?"

"Get out of the box," Quinn muttered.

"I can't," she whispered.

"Did you lose your ability to walk?" she said with a frown. "Rachel, life is hard, but it doesn't mean you can live in a box."

"I'm not living. I'm hiding," she snapped.

"Rachel, you can't hide in a box and you know it." She sighed. "Life sucks and then you die."

"That's a little harsh," Rachel said.

"It's true," Quinn muttered.

"If you lived under a rock," she replied.

"Says the girl in a box," Quinn bit back. She sighed. "Listen, life is scary and it's hard and -"

"I know that."

Quinn could hear the frown in Rachel's voice. "I know you do. But you believe in puppies and kittens and love, life can be more than crap if you give it a chance."

"I don't believe in that stuff," Rachel said opening the top flap of the box. "I want to, that's why I talk about it so much."

"Rachel, I'm starting to think that I'm going crazy because I'm talking to a box."

"Sugar thinks that you're crazy." Rachel paused.

Quinn could hear the insecurity in the other girl's voice. She sighed. "You asked me this morning about …. "

"Periods," she said all too quickly.

She sighed. Yeah..." she said. She pulled her knees up to her chest. "What do you want to know?"

Rachel opened the other flap of the box. "I don't know... what it's like... what you do..."

The blonde rested her chin on her knees. "I never had the talk... or a talk, I guess... um... I learned things mostly from books and …. the internet..." she said quietly. She looked up. "It hurts... um... like a bad stomach ache... cramps... and sometimes …. you feel fat..."

"But why couldn't you take off your clothes?" Rachel asked.

"Well, um... because... I mean I guess I could have, I was just insecure... I wanted an excuse..."

"Because of your tattoo?" Quinn closed her eyes in annoyance. She didn't want to talk about that. "Can I see it?" Rachel asked.

"No," she muttered.

A silence settled over them. Quinn was hoping that she was finally going to climb out of the box.

"Quinn?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry that I made you upset," she said honestly.

"For what?"

"To talk about your baby," she said.

Quinn felt the sudden urge to throw up. she barely noticed Rachel begin to peek out of the box.

"I ….. I …. I know I don't understand...but I know that it makes you upset and ….." Rachel slipped out of the box and sat next to her. Quinn still wasn't looking up. "I'm sorry that happened to you," she whispered taking her sister's hand.

Quinn's eyes were glossing over, it was becoming harder to see. "Me too," she whispered.

"Hey."

The girls looked up and Shelby was in a fresh shirt and a pair of jeans. She scrunched down in front of them and cupped their cheeks. "Can we get off of the floor?" she smiled.

Rachel looked at Quinn who nodded. Shelby helped them up and led them to the bed. "So," Shelby said trying to be relaxed. "Let's talk."

"About what?" Rachel asked. "Periods?"

Quinn groaned. She didn't want to hear this. Rachel looked and their mother all too eagerly.

"Well, they're regular and normal and are sadly uncomfortable but they shouldn't be unbearable." Shelby looked at Quinn.

"Are yours regular and uncomfortable but not unbearable?" Rachel asked, quoting her mother.

Quinn shrugged. "No... not really, but I've heard that..." Her eyes darted around.

"What?" Shelby asked.

The blonde sighed. "I heard that... it's not … regular until you're older," she said quietly. She shrugged. "Whatever."

Shelby sighed. "Your bodies are all different, just as they all go through different things. But They're sacred."

Rachel looked at Quinn. "Doesn't feel like it..." the older girl said.

"You need to take care of your bodies and you," Shelby began. "and sometimes... your bodies feel disjointed … like they're betraying you..."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Rachel muttered.

Quinn looked down at her. "What do you want to talk about?"

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know... I just... Can you talk to Quinn about it,Mumma?... sex I mean? That's what you're talking about, right?" She looked up at Shelby and Quinn from where she was leaning into Shelby's side.

"Why just Quinn?" she asked.

"Because it doesn't apply to me," she said with a sigh. "I'll always be … me... and I'll never have sex..."

Shelby sighed. "Alright," she looked at both girls. "I think you'll be ready when you're ready, but I'm going to ask you a favor. Something that's really important." Quinn looked at her with a tilt of her head; Rachel mirrored the curious look. "I know that to ask you to be honest with me is hard to ask, but promise me you'll always be honest with yourself. I love you two more than I can say and I can tell there is so much going on in your heads, but we're a team, okay? I know that things are going to be scary with the trial and you don't have to tell me every overwhelming feeling but you have to tell me when you need some time... If you need to hide in a box or if you just need some space." She touched the end of Rachel's nose lightly. "I'll be with you every step of the way."

Shelby looked at the girls. In her head she expected a smile... or even a hug. She received blank stares in return.

She sighed. "I know that this is scary and that emotions are all over the place but I need you to know that what you feel... is okay. Granted, Rachel, you'll need to clean up down stairs and Quinn, you still need to do those essays about the tattoo, but do you understand what I'm saying? I know it can be hard to articulate." She shrugged. "I mean your sister has broken many a lamp in her day and Noah has broken one too many noses." Quinn and Rachel smiled. "It's not funny," Shelby said trying to contain her own smile. "We should all try to not break things to express ourselves... at least without notice."

A perplexed looked washed over Rachel. "I should have told Nana I was going to break the plates? Because I didn't know... It just happened..."

Shelby thought for a moment and she could feel the girls looking at her. "Not exactly, but tell me what you're feeling like you could burst. I know that you might not always know, but you should try. I just... You both apologize more than anything and I don't want you to feel badly for that." She searched their eyes for confirmation that they understood. "I'm simply saying that you don't need to. Okay?"

The room was silent for a moment. Shelby was sure she was talking to a wall when finally Rachel spoke. "I'm sorry we apologize so much," she said quietly.

Quinn reached over and gave her a light nudge. Shelby rolled her eyes thinking that she hadn't made an impact but was then interrupted again.

"I... um... I'm glad that …. I'm not in school, but I don't know if I want to be here..." Quinn said honestly.

Rachel looked at her in surprise. "Why?"

The blonde shrugged. "I just... I want to be here... safe... at home, but..." Shelby could tell the girl was trying to share; she was attempting to follow direction for the mother more than for herself. "I'm scared that I want to be here because I'm too tired and scared of being out there more than because I actually want to be here."

Rachel soaked in her words, unsure. "You're hiding in the house like... I hid in the box?" she asked. Quinn's eyes locked with Rachel and the tiny girl continued. "Like I'm already hiding in the house." Her voice was tiny and quiet.

"Yeah," Quinn whispered. "I think so."

Shelby felt as if the girls had forgotten she was there and that they were talking over her.

Rachel thought for a moment. "I think it's okay if I hide. Mom lets us wait until we come out. We will eventually... we just have to give it time."

Quinn tilted her head. "Or you could live alone for the rest of your life with a house full of cats being your only company."

Shelby looked at the elder girl with a sigh.

"I like cats," Rachel said thoughtfully, considering what Quinn said.

"Rachel, we don't want to be losers," Quinn began.

"You can have lots of cats and not be a loser," Rachel said with a frown.

"Let me know when you find one," she retorted again.

"Okay, enough, we've deterred from our original point," Shelby said. She looked at them cautiously. "You're not losers and you never will be."

"You don't count," Quinn said.

"Yeah, you're bias," Rachel frowned.

Another silence settled over them. "Am I in trouble?" Rachel asked suddenly.

Shelby looked at her. a sheet of panic was washing over Rachel's face.

"We do need to talk about what happened," Shelby said.

"I can go," Quinn said getting up.

"No, don't," Rachel said. "I don't want to talk about it because I don't know what … why... " She looked at the two women. "It just happened. It was like... I felt... full...but I couldn't concentrate on anything... I couldn't feel anything and all I wanted to do was break those plates..."

Shelby nodded. "I can understand that. Do you know what your mind was full with?"

She shook her head. "No..."

Shelby sighed. "We can talk about it more when you do figure it out. I know that you are feeling overwhelmed, but it's not going to end." She looked at the girls as she turned the conversation again. "You need to talk to the people involved with this trial the best that you can when they ask you about what happened..."

"What if we don't want to?" Quinn asked.

"I know you don't want to." The mother looked at the girls. "But you need to try the best that you can."

Rachel chewed her lip and Quinn looked at her with a tiny smile. "We need to try, Rach." She took her hand. "Okay?"

She remained silent but lifted her head quietly, indicating that she would try.

"Alright, Rachel," Shelby said, shifting. "You need to start on an apology letter to Nana and say goodbye to Holly and Sugar as well as apologize to them."

She shook her head. "Sugar?"

"Yes, Sugar. You interrupted the lesson. You need to apologize to them tomorrow."

She groaned. "Fine..."

Shelby stood and led them down the stairs and Rachel could not help but wish she was back in the box, not for its safety, but its refuge from having to apologize to Sugar.

….

Santana walked over to Brittany in confidence. Her heart still beating wildly at the sight of her.

"Hey," Brittany smiled when she saw her approach. "What's up? I haven't seen you for most of the day."

Santana rolled her eyes. "I know I was with Sue for most of it. It was silly. She was lecturing me on shit that I can't remember... and …. making me captain..."

Brittany frowned. "Captain, Captain? Is Quinn okay?"

Santana nodded. "Our mom pulled her out of school." Brittany continued to look at her with a confused frown. Santana leaned back against the lockers. "Finn was being a douche to her and yeah..."

"Did she catch you for skipping yesterday?" the blonde asked.

"What do you think?" Santana said the an indignant frown. .

Brittany smiled. "I don't know. You managed to miraculously hide from her for two months that you started your period when you were twelve. That's a lot to hide in Shelby-land." The blonde leaned against the lockers and looked into her eyes. "So your mom pulled Quinn but not you and Noah?"

The brunette shrugged. "We're fine. Quinn was the one that needed help."

She reluctantly collected her words. "Quinn isn't the only one that needs help..."

Santana shook her head. "I'm fine."

"You're not. I saw what happened yesterday day..." Santana looked at her with confusion and Brittany. "What happened before you skipped out... "

"I..." Santana followed her arms protectively in front of her. "He just slapped my ass and said something that I'm sure my nana could come up with." She rolled her eyes and waved her hand to pretend it didn't matter. She saw Brittany's look of dubious concern. "I'm sorry I didn't come find you..."

"You didn't need to..." she said sharply but then retreated. "I'm sorry." She looked at Santana honestly. "You needed her... You needed your family." She saw Santana look at her hesitantly and Brittany reached out and took her hand. "It's scary for me too."

Santana shook her head. "I'm sorry," she with more fortitude. "Yeah, those guys gave me a hard time, but I took care of it."

Brittany gave a sheepish smile. "You did. You walked away." Her smile melted. "I'm worried for you. … People are saying shit about you and -"

"Are they saying it about you?" she asked with a snap.

"No... Yes," she said with a frown. "But it's not as bad. I still hang out with the girls and we have each other's backs but you're still figuring out how to pull it together and it worries me... because you're doing it alone and I … If you want to do it alone, maybe you should ask your mom to let you …. leave..."

"Do you want me to?" she asked brokenly.

"No," Brittany stated. "Of course not." She took her hand. "I just... You need to do what you need to do to stay afloat."

"I want to be here with you," Santana said. "She asked me," she continued with a wider, more confident smile. "I want to be here with you. Quinn …. I worry about her... and maybe I can focus a little more on me... Quinn didn't get the choice but I did. It's not safe for her here. With the trial and everything.. she just can't..." She smiled. "I want to stay here with you. This is where I get to see you."

Brittany nodded and pulled her close and flipped of a random glare of a bitch who passed by. "You gotta start letting me love you back."

"I'll work on it," Santana said with a grin.

"Good." The pulled away and looked at her. She smoothed out her skirt nervously. "...This isn't easy for me."

"I know," Santana said quickly. "I'm sorry if I ever acted like it wasn't."

Brittany took a deep breath and began to pick at her cuticles nervously. "No one teaches you that when... when you … come out-"

"Or you're shoved out of the closet," Santana retorted leaned back.

"Yeah," she smiled sheepishly and thoughtfully as her smile faded in thought. "No one tells you how hard this is..."

"No one ever does," Santana whispered taking a nervous hand from her.

"I didn't think that I could do this... I … I didn't think..." She trailed off and took a breath. "Sometimes I don't think I'm in love with my best friend. Sometimes I think... maybe I'm not … I'm not gay and I didn't change my life … I even... I sat at lunch all day yesterday staring at the group of guys-"

"The hipsters?" Santana laughed, knowing what group Brittany was gawking at.

"Yeah," she laughed. She shook her head as her smile faded once again. "I didn't feel anything... I just... Sometimes I wonder if I saw you more often, held your hand and just saw you I would know... I would remember how I am... " she laughed embarrassed. "I'm not making sense."

"You are," she said quickly trying to calm her. "I …. I always wonder if this is my life and who I am... but I have never been more sure about anything than I am about you."

Brittany chewed her bottom lip tearfully. "I should be sure. I should know. Love should be blind... and true and clear..."

Santana shrugged one shoulder. "It can be all those things. It can be safe and true and perfect but it can be confusing and hurtful and hard... and I … I wish I could make it clear for you."

She took a deep breath. "But you can't... We can try together."

Santana nodded. "Absolutely." She looked down at her hands. "I don't know how much you can be there... but... I would love for you to be..." She shrugged. "And I want to be here for you too. Anything you need... I'll try my best."

"I know you will," Brittany smiled. "And so will I."

…

Quinn frowned. How was it that she worked all day on school work and still had school work all at once? Dinner had been quiet and then now homework seemed endless. Maybe someday she wouldn't be grounded and she could channel surf. Here she was fantasizing about channel surfing. She felt relief wash over her when it was announced that they needed to get ready for bed. She started to follow Rachel up the stairs but was stopped.

"Hold on, San and Quinn, we need to have a chat," Shelby said.

Santana let out a groan.

"Cut the attitude and come back down here please."

They both sighed and sat back down at the table. Shelby crossed her arms and placed the box of cigarettes on the table. Quinn couldn't help but glare at Santana.

"So, let's talk about whose these are."

Quinn wasn't sure what she was going to say. She was pretty sure that Santana would cover for her but she didn't want her to take the fault for it either.

"Before either of you try to come up with an excuse, I want to let you know that I was smoking the two of you out. No pun intended." She calmly stated.

"What?" Santana asked with a glare.

"I know you occasionally smoke Santana," Shelby said with her strangely calm voice. The girl looked at her in confusion more than attempting to denying it.

"WHAT!" Quinn asked. She turned to look at Santana. "You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Shhh," Santana hissed putting her finger up in Quinn's face and turning back to their mother. "I'm not a smoker."

"But you smoke," Shelby said in her obnoxiously calm voice.

"Only when I'm super stressed... wait.. How did you...?" Santana shook her head rapidly and put her hands up in front of her.

"I. am. Mom." Her voice was staccato. "I know everything," she said with a steely glare.

"Well, if you knew then why didn't you say anything before?"Santana countered.

"For your information, young lady, I do not owe you an explanation," Shelby said crossing her arms. "The fact is I do know. And I know both of you are doing it and both of you are still going on the roof. It all stops now."

"Mom, cigs don't kill," Santana said causing her to receive a push on her arm from Quinn.

"They're cancer sticks," Quinn hissed quoting her sister from the other day.

"Bite me," the brunette barked.

"Enough," Shelby said. "The two of you will have a four thousand word essay." Quinn opened her mouth in protest, but Shelby cut her off. "Yes, it's happening with your other essays. You'll manage." She shook her head. "Listen, girls. I understand your desire for space and need to be above things but the roof just isn't safe. I'm sorry. Your uncle has offered to repair the tree house out back. You are able to have time for yourselves, but I just need to know where you are at all times. I can't not know." She held up the cigarettes. "As for these, your punishment for them is tomorrow. Because I think it'll be beneficial for Noah and Rach they're going too."

"Going? Going where?" Santana asked.

"You'll see," she said with a sigh.

Santana huffed and started to leave the room and stopped at the stairs. She turned with a heavy sigh. "Am I grounded too?"

"Do you need to be?" Shelby countered. Santana deflated. "Don't push your luck."

Santana shook her head and climbed the stairs. Quinn looked over at Shelby. She was more angry at Santana than the fact that she was caught.

"Quinn?"

"Wh..What?" she asked looking up at her.

Shelby sighed. "No more smoking okay? I'm serious. If you're willing we can explore other ways to relieve stress."

The girl shrugged. "Whatever." She started toward the stairs and she could hear the mother following. She paused. "Why did you have me sleep in your room with you before?"

Shelby shrugged. "That's always an option. It's never something that I'll force you to do."

Quinn shook her head. "I .. sleep better with you... but isn't that weird? Me sleeping in your bed. I'm not even your kid and... it's weird."

The mother gave a soft smile. "Rachel and Santana still sleep with me on occasion. Even Noah every once in a blue moon, but don't tell him that I told you." she looked at her quietly. "I had you sleep with me because I knew that you wouldn't ask and I especially knew that you felt badly from your day and you would stay up thinking too much. You have the right to sleep alone tonight but you're always welcome to ask for some company."

The blonde girl frowned. "I don't know how to ask for that, but it makes me feel better...Is it something that we have to keep secret?" Shelby looked at her questioningly. "Sharing a bed with a parent at this age is … inappropriate right?"

Shelby frowned. "It can be misinterpreted yes, but what matters is that you're comfortable with it. You're the one that's in charge. You're still very much grounded but I still love you. You're still my daughter and you will always have a choice of where you sleep in this house. Okay?"

Quinn nodded. "Okay."

…

Later that night, after cleaning up and after a quiet dinner, Rachel found herself finishing getting ready for bed in the bathroom. As always Rachel and Quinn lingered longer at the table than everyone else. Shelby had talked with Rachel about taking a temporary leave from veganism and Rachel compromised to move more toward a vegetarian diet. Tonight she had homemade noodles and broth that her grandmother had made for them earlier in the day. She had never seen her mother so pleased as she was as Rachel ate the homemade egg noodles without much argument even though she took awhile to eat. Rachel was dawdling in the bathroom because she knew her mother would come find her to do the cream soon.

Rachel wiped her face with the towel and stared at herself in the mirror. Quinn and Santana were still talking downstairs with Shelby. Rachel passed through Santana's vacant room and went across the hallway to her room. She stared at her bed. Her Nana had been staying there with Pop-Pop. Maybe she should try to sleep in here too. That's what she should do, right? That is what other kids her age did.

"Hey, bug."

She turned and looked up at Noah. "Hi," she mumbled.

"What's up?" he asked ruffling her hair.

"Nothing," she shrugged.

"Liar," he chuckled.

"Are you excited for your game?" she asked as she climbed onto her bed.

"Yeah?" he laughed. "You don't care about my game."

"Yeah, I do," she frowned. "It's a big game." She narrowed her eyes with a mischievous smile. "I know about the scouts."

His smile faded. "I don't need to worry about that." He poked her nose. "And neither should you."

"You're going to do great," she smiled. "You're going to get at least 100 yards running today and intercept at least a pass on defense." Rachel looked at her brother. "You are the only one on your team that plays almost every play of the game on offense and defense Noah, they are coming to see the superstar in action."

Noah smirked. "You don't know that."

"You're really great at what you do," she grinned. "You'll never stop being good at what you do."

"You're coming to the game?" he asked. She gave a quiet nod. He frowned, knowing what that meant. "Rach, you don't have to..."

"I want to," she muttered. "Bear said that because Nana and Pop-Pop aren't going to be there that we have to record the game together and I have to hold the camera."

"You?"

She nodded. " ….. I want to..."

"Rachel," he said with a frown. "I want you to feel safe and being at the school might be too scary for you, I understand that."

She shrugged. "I want to be there to see you," she muttered.

She leaned against his side as he wrapped his arm around her.

"Are you freaking out about stuff?" he asked quietly.

Rachel deflated. "You mean the plates?" She looked at her hands. "I … I guess so... I'm just... I'm stuck."

"You're definitely not stuck," he said gently. "You know how I know?" she looked at him with a frown. "You're not hiding under the stairs."

"I was hiding in a box earlier today," she said bluntly.

"True, but you came out," he smiled.

She took a hold of his hand. "I want to try harder for you."

"Rachel, you don't have to..." he said gently.

She looked at him. "You're not a Lima loser, Noah. This is your chance. It's not just that this will give you something to look forward to and will help you get out of here... This is your chance to be you..."

He laughed nervously suddenly feeling vulnerable with his insightful baby sister. "I am me."

"No, you're like an abbreviated version of you..." She shrugged. "Football is the only time where you forget that you're you..."

"I don't forget, Rach," he smiled. "It's just the one thing that I'm good at."

"You're the best brother," she smiled.

"I'm the only brother you have," he chuckled.

"But I always want you to be Noah... not just my brother," she said looking at him.

"Rach, I don't understand." He was looking around the room uncomfortably unsure about how they went to talking about football to losers to being Noah, but not her brother?...

"I might always be the kid in the box, Noah, but I promise that I will always be if you don't ever try to do anything else..."

"I don't understand," he said again.

"If you don't move on, how can I?" she asked honestly.

A knock interrupted them and they looked up and Shelby was looking at them with a smile. "Hey, you ready for bed?"

Rachel nodded. Noah leaned down and kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "See you in the morning, bug."

She watched as her big brother left the room. The bed dipped slightly.

"You alright?"

She gave a quiet nod.

Shelby pulled her close and rested her chin on top of her head. "I know you're scared, bug," she whispered. "That's okay." Rachel remained silent. "All of this is scary, but I wanted to let you know that I'll be here every step of the way. You can always ask me any questions. Your period can be scary but I promise if you think there is anything wrong we'll ask and see..."

Rachel bit her lip. "When... When do you think that it'll happen?"

"I don't know," she said. "It's different for everyone. Your sister and I started around the same age... but... your aunt Joey started a few years later."

"I... um..." she paused. "I remember."

"What?" she asked softly.

"When... when I was still wearing …. " Rachel bit her lip. She was so embarrassed that she was still in diapers up until she was five. "... I remember... um... wearing my princess Pull Up... Remember? The one with Belle on the front... and Jasmine?"

Shelby nodded. "I do," she said quietly.

"You let me go by myself and we were at the grocery store... and you waited outside the stall with Santana and Noah and... when I went to there and pulled down my Pull-Up..."

Rachel bit her lip... remembering the panic that she felt in that moment.

_Rachel gripped onto Santana's hand tightly as they walked into Target. She was five and knew three things about Target: it was very red; the ceilings were high; and Mommy and Santana are hard to see if they go in another aisle so she had to hold a hand at all times. She squeezed Santana's hand tighter to make sure that it was still there. _

"_Are you sure you don't like this?" Mumma asked pointing at a toy on the shelf._

"_Mom, those are dumb," Santana said with an eye roll. Sanny was mad today because they were shopping for Noah and not for Sanny. Rachel looked at the toy. She thought it looked like fun... it was big... and it flew... and it had batteries and a remote. She turned her gaze towards her sister who was still making her pinched face with her eyes small and her lips squeezed together. Rachel tried to mimic it but it made her face hurt. She looked at her mother with a shrug. _

"_Noah is a big boy. Maybe he wants a big boy toy."_

"_Rach, he's eleven," Santana said with a frown. "He's not a big boy... " Rachel looked at her mother and then back at her sister not sure what her big brother was if he wasn't a big boy on his birthday. "He's just... Noah." She reached out. "How about this?" _

_Santana was pointing at a matchbox car hanging on the shelf. Rachel heard her mother sigh. She wasn't happy. Rachel shifted slightly. She felt that her Pull Up was wet. She looked at the tiles on the floor. She just started Kindergarten... No one else wore Pull ups, but Mumma said no one could tell because hers were special but .. She could tell. _

"_Bug?" Mumma called. _

_She sighed. "Mumma, I have to go to the restroom," she said with as much of a grown up voice as possible. _

_They led her to the bathroom. _

_She looked toward the stalls. She hated going potty at the store. The toilets were too big and sometimes she couldn't get the big stall with the metal handles in the stall. She wanted to do it by herself. Ever since her Mumma found the diapers in the back of Rachel's closet after Rachel tried to change herself after accidents, her Mumma wouldn't let her go to the bathroom alone. _

"_I can go by myself," she said once she reached the bathroom. _

_Mumma looked at her in the way that Mumma looked at kids when they do things they shouldn't. "Rachel, we can ask for help. It's okay to need help." _

_She tried her best to mimic her sister's angry face and Santana started to laugh and her Mumma looked at her with a sigh. She didn't want them to react that way. _

"_I'm a big girl," Rachel said. "I want to do it by myself." _

"_And you can, Rachel, but I want to be there if you need help," Mumma said. _

"_Mom," Santana whined. "She's going to pee her pants if you argue with her." _

"_No! I can do it by myself." _

_Mumma breathed like a dragon who was trying not to breath fire... Like in Shrek, Rachel thought with a tilt of her head. Mumma opened the stall door. "You cannot lock it but you can go in alone and we will wait here." _

"_No, wait outside in the hallway," Rachel said feeling a strange feeling in her diaper. _

_Mumma looked at her with a look that meant that Rachel couldn't argue. She turned and walked into the stall hoping that the big bars were there. She didn't want to fall in. Those toilets were big. She closed the door but didn't lock it and pulled down her pink pants. She frowned. Her Princess Pull Up felt wet. She smiled back at Belle and Jasmine who were upsidedown and looking at her from the front of the diaper. They always smiled. She couldn't ask her Mumma for a new Pull Up without her knowing... Maybe she would just take it off... and then... say that she lost her diaper. She looked at the big toilet. Maybe she would say that it fell in the toilet. Sometimes the stickers on the side came undone. She nodded. She would throw it in the toilet. The toilets at Target were loud and scary and it could definitely eat her Pull Up like it ate her pee._

_She looked at the toilet to make sure that the seat was down. One time her brother forgot to put the seat down and she fell in. Mumma came running into the bathroom looking scared but when she saw Rachel in the toilet she smiled. Rachel never understood why she did that._

"_Rachel? Sweetheart what are you doing?" Mumma's voice rang through the stall door._

"_Nothing," she said quietly and undid one side of the pull up. They made these things Mommy proof. The stickers were so loud. _

"_Rachel, you don't need to undo it. You just pull it down. Honey, what are you doing?" _

"_Don't come in!" she screeched. _

_Rachel could hear her mother sigh again. "A few more seconds and then I'm coming in." _

_The five year old sighed and pulled the half undone Pull-Up down. Her eyes widened and she felt her heart beating in her ears. How was it in her ears? _

_She let out a tiny scream. _

_When she had an accident her diaper was yellow... this time it was red. _

_She started to sob. Why was it red?!_

Rachel blinked and looked up at her mother. "I remember that I was bleeding."

"Rachel, that's because you had a kidney infection. That's when we found out that you had a very high tolerance for pain and that's why you were able to last that long with the infection that you had later." Shelby stared down at her unsure daughter. "It might be a bit of a surprise at first but it won't be like that. We'll figure it out and you can always ask." She continued to see Rachel's hesitation. "Let me ask you something."

"Okay," she said quietly.

"How many women do you know? You don't have to like them but just think about it." Rachel visually demonstrated that she was thinking hard. Shelby chuckled and went on. "Periods can be hard to understand but I promise that almost every woman goes through them and the women before them and the women before them."

Rachel frowned. "But I read that things can go badly and sometimes they're not -"

"Sweetheart, if you would like you can do a research project on it, but I'm going to give you the materials to read okay? I would really rather you not research this on your own."

Rachel leaned against her mother tiredly, knowing that she would need to do the cream. She had somehow gotten used to it. She didn't like it but she was used to it. Maybe that was what periods would be like too.

….

The next day or so went on too slowly in Quinn's opinion. She was ready to explode. She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. That was an understatement. Rachel was undeniably grouchy. Much to everyone's surprise she attempted to sleep alone, which only ended in Santana sleeping in Quinn's bed and then Quinn gettng kicked out of her bed when Rachel crawled in. As a result, Quinn crawled into Shelby's bed only to be woken up with Santana and Rachel climbing in at approximately four in the morning. It was like musical chairs... only with beds.

Nevertheless, it left Quinn grumpy and having to sit next to the Flour made her even more irritated. She rolled her eyes; with a name as silly as Sugar, Quinn had decided she could be tolerated with being called another baking product.

"Quinn, are you finished?"

She looked up. "I finished this project," she said slightly impressed with herself that she was able to finish her 'punishment essay' about tattoos so soon. With restriction from the internet, she had to kill a lot of trees to print out her articles. Rachel told her she was killing trees with her choices.

Holly was talking to her about her homework for the evening and what she needed to do for tomorrow. She had been understanding for the most point about all the essays that Shelby has been giving to her and Quinn was grateful for that.

Quinn sighed in relief as Sugar's rambling started to calm as she was told to put on her coat.

"Yes!" Quinn said as she raised her hands in the air. She looked over at Rachel who was frowning at her. She gave a sheepish shrug. "I'm just really excited about this essay and even more so about this field trip."

Rachel scowled and rubbed her eye. She was tired. Quinn looked over at her and was almost sure that she would fall asleep before they arrived at wherever they were going for their field trip. Quinn was right because Rachel fell asleep on their way to wherever they were going.

"You guys suck," Noah hissed at her as they rode to their punishment field trip. "You're lucky that we didn't have practice today."

"Oh cry me a river," Santana hissed.

"All of you stop," Shelby said. "Can someone wake up Rachel please?"

"Why are we here?"

"You'll see," Shelby said as she climbed out of the car. They walked quietly into the building and followed signs toward the Medical Examiner's office.

"Are we going to see dead people? Dead bodies of dead people?"

"Can you see live bodies of dead people?" Rachel asked. She frowned. "Wait, don't answer that."

Santana looked at Quinn. "How bad can it be?"

….

Santana closed the door behind her as they all walked back to the car about an hour later.

"I hate you both," Noah said for what felt like the millionth time as he frowned with his arms crossed.

"I …. I … I don't think it was that bad..." Rachel said thoughtfully only to receive glares from her siblings. "I'm just saying the compare and the contrast is important..."

Santana glared as she thought back to what they just saw. "That was disgusting."

"I just wanted to peel it off," Quinn thought thinking back at the tarred lungs that they just saw.

"That's what you did to your lungs," Rachel protested. "If I see another cigarette in your hands, I'll cut 'em off."

The family looked at Rachel in surprise. "I don't choose not to breathe and by smoking you choose to make yourself not breathe." She frowned at her sisters. "No, smoking. No No NO." She walked ahead of them with a stomp.

"At least they didn't make us compare livers of drinkers," Noah whispered to the girls.

"I heard that," she hissed back at them.

Santana frowned and looked at Quinn. "I always thought I was going to be a doctor. Now I think not."

"Throwing up when we were forced to feel the tarred lungs demonstrated that," Quinn retorted. "That was super gross by the way."

"Thanks," she sneered. "I clearly blew chunks for you."

"Don't ever say that again," she said quickly. "No more smoking?" she half asked and half said.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Apparently so because if we do we'll lose our hands."

….

Rachel talked about the field trip for the next forty-eight hours and every time Santana gagged. Finally, there was something else to distract her but Santana felt badly that she was so grateful for the distraction because it was causing the young girl anxiety.

Santana looked back at the bleachers. They hadn't arrived yet.

"What's wrong?"

She turned and saw Brittany smirking at her. Santana smiled. She was so beautiful.

"What?" Brittany blushed.

"Nothing," she said embarrassed. She pointed over her shoulder. "I'm just waiting to see if my family was here."

Brittany nodded. "Are they nervous having to be here? Rach and Quinn I mean."

Santana gave a subtle shrug. "Sorta but she's pretending not to be because she's her and then Rachel's trying to too and failing."

"But they wanted to come or did your mom make them?"

The brunette gave a soft smile. "They wanted to be here for Noah." She rolled her eyes. "My family is so cheesy."

"You love it," Brittany laughed.

"How are you?" she asked. "Ready for this game?"

Brittany smiled. "I'm good. I'm sad that I won't see you most of break but I'm happy to see you now."

Santana smiled and leaned forward and pulled her into a huge. "I'm always happy to see you." She tucked her cheek next to the blonde's; she didn't want to let go. she heard a jerk behind them sneer. "We're going to get out of here, you and me," she whispered.

"I know," Brittany whispered back.

Santana pulled away. "Go suck your own dick," she called after the guy. She took Brittany's hand with one and flipped him off with the other. She smiled back at Brittany. "Even though I'm grounded maybe you can come over for the festivities."

Brittany laughed as the girl rolled her eyes. "You know I do love your family's 'Christmas Pre-Game.'"

Santana smiled. "It's one of a kind."

"There they are," Brittany pointed as the Range Rover pulled into the parking lot.

….

Quinn looked around at the crowded parking lot. This was one of the biggest games of the season. It was the Friday before Thanksgiving and it was as if everyone in Lima was at this game. It was a big deal but Quinn also considered the fact that there were very few other things to do in this town.

Shelby climbed out and opened the backdoor. "I want you girls with me at all times," Shelby said as Rachel climbed out. The crowds hadn't gathered yet. Shelby had purposefully gotten there early so that they weren't fighting the crowd, but instead they would be watching the crowd itself from the stands.

Quinn rolled her eyes. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to be far far away from here.

Rachel's eyes were darting around, unsure. She kept looking back at the parking lot as they neared the football field.

"Rach, you'll settle with me first and then your uncle will come and get you," Shelby said leading the girls up the stairs of the bleachers.

Quinn rolled her eyes. She didn't want to be there. She didn't want to be at school, but she did want to be at the game. She wanted to see Noah play. She just preferred that everyone else didn't see her there. Shelby was talking to Rachel about the importance of staying with Bear. Bear finally showed up and Rachel followed him quietly down to the field. She wasn't that jealous of Rachel getting to help film. Quinn was grateful the crowd would camouflage her. She spotted the Cheerios getting ready. She didn't feel jealous. She didn't feel on the outside. She always felt on the outside in her own way, but now that she actually was she felt better.

"Do you want some food? I want some food!"

She looked up and Joey was sitting to her right and Shelby was sitting to her left. She frowned. She used to have dignity in this school.

"She would love some food!" Shelby said with a grin. Quinn rolled her eyes. Shelby also had brought a cooler full of food. Some of it was for Rachel but she knew that it was also for her. Of course, Joey ran down the bleachers on her way to get nachos, pretzels, hot dogs and other gross things. Quinn rolled her eyes. She was sure that Joey was a garbage disposal in another lifetime. Shelby then began to rant about all the contents of the cooler. She was saying something about cider and banana bread and fruit and snack bars. Quinn couldn't concentrate on what she was saying. She was watching the crowd come in. A few students stared at her. Others were taking double takes physically asking if it was really her.

"... We will be going to a nutritionists soon and you and Rachel are going to be taking nutrition as a subject at home," Shelby said. Her voice penetrating through her rambling thoughts.

"What?" she asked looking at her.

"I know you don't want to be here," Shelby began quietly as a few people walked past them on the bleacher row.

"It's freaking me out a little bit," she said biting her lip in embarrassment. "But... I wanted to watch the game and I... I know I couldn't be left alone at home..."

"True," Shelby said pulling out the blanket and draping it across the two of them. "I never thought I would end back in Lima either, you know? I just... I thought I would sing myself to Broadway and everything would be so much better than it was in high school. It's strange for me to be here a lot too."

"They had the same building back then?" Quinn asked with a chuckle.

"Thank you very much," Shelby said straightening. "They did indeed." She looked at the girl honestly. "You're so much bigger than this school, Quinn. I know that it's embarrassing to sit up here with me and not be a part of things socially."

"I'm not embarrassed to be with you," Quinn interjected. Shelby arched a brow. "Maybe a little. I just... I don't fit in anymore... before I could pretend but being here just feels strange. You know?"

"Trust me," she chuckled. She pointed to a family down front with two young children and a sullen pre-teen. "See that family there?" Quinn followed her gaze and nodded. "The father went out with that mother sitting with her daughter over there. They were so in love in high school thinking about it makes me want to throw up. Before the internet, us, Lima losers, had our own celebrities." She pointed to another couple. "The Johnsons over there. They were married right after high school. They were a part of a little scandal because they had a baby five months after they were married." Shelby pulled Quinn close. "We don't all chose to be here in Lima and maybe someday you'll decide to have a family and go to your son's football game or your daughter's cheerleading competition here in Lima, but I don't think you will, Quinn. You are much bigger than these bleachers."

Quinn smiled and rested her head on her shoulder. "So are you," she whispered. She looked up at Shelby who was thoughtfully staring at the field in front of her. "I don't think you're a Lima Loser."

"Thanks, kiddo," Shelby glowed.

…

Noah looked around the field in front of him. The crowd was loud and crazy; the bleachers were full. The glare of the lights seemed to be the only light for miles. He knew if they won this game then they would be going on to playoffs. It was unquestioningly one of the most important games he had ever played. He looked up at the stands and found his mother and Quinn chatting about something. His eyes scanned the crowd again and he saw his aunt chatting with a group of other fancy women; his mother told him to call them "professionals" and not fancy. However he believed that that made them sound like hookers. Santana was on the sidelines with a group of Cheerios and Brittany's hand in hers as they all giggled about pom-poms or whatever girls giggled about. Finally, his eyes rested on Rachel who was perched on Bear's shoulders with a cam-corder in hand. She had her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth as if it were helping her concentrate.

He loved football or more accurately he liked playing it. It was where everything else fell away. There was so much going on in his head. Although Rachel never came crying to him in the middle of the night, he still checked on her and she still checked on him. He caught her peeking in his room earlier that morning to make sure he was ready for school. When he opened his backpack, she had put a little note in it.

"Have a good day! I love you! See you tonight! You're going to win! I can feel it!"

Love you!

**Rachel**

It was the best note he had ever received.

"CORCORAN!"

He looked up and Coach Beiste was waving him over. "Head out of the clouds! Let's go!"

He ran over to the huddle. The pep talk was less peppy and more meant to put fire under their asses to get their game on and not mess up. He knew they had a better chance of beating this team now that idiot Finn was off the team. Sam was a decent quarterback but he was still young. Noah shook his head. He sounded like a grumpy old man.

They announced the starting line ups and he was heading out to midfield for the coin toss. Since they were the home team the large obnoxious lineman from the other team was set to make the call.

Large obnoxious boy chose heads and it was tails.

The referee turned to Noah and said, "Do you want the ball first?"

Noah nodded; he was a man of few words. He had enough women in the house to know the importance of silence.

"Shake and play nice," the zebra dressed man growled in a way that reminded Noah of a pirate. When he was younger his father used to read him Peter Pan. Noah never wanted to be Peter; he was always a lost boy. He smiled. He went for halloween as a lost boy when he was a kid. His favorite part of his costume was the slingshot that his father made him to go with it. He and Santana used that thing on other kids long past Halloween. Needless to say, it had been taken away more than once only to be refound again. Until it sadly broke one day. Noah narrowed his eyes up to the bleachers and his mother waved at him. He chuckled. She totally broke it, he realized.

Noah held his hand out to shake the lineman's hand. The large obnoxious boy shook it tightly as if he had read a book on how to shake a hand like a man. Noah went to withdrawn his hand but the lineman held on. He glared at the boy.

"I hope you aren't playing for the wrong team like your sister. It's a shame because she is a hot piece of ass," he said with a wink.

All thoughts of Peter Pan and his mother, the slingshot breaker, fell away. He ironed his gaze and ripped his hand back. He popped his mouth guard in as he stormed to the starting line. He bit his teeth together harshly trying to ease the tension in his body.

Noah barely remembered lining up for the open kickoff. All he could see was fire. The roar of the crowd shook Noah back into reality and he ran up to catch the ball. He caught the kick off at the eight yard line. He dodged the first couple of tacklers and then he noticed the big goof coming right for him. Noah wanted to kill. He quickly headed right for him then at the last second just as the idiot was to tackle him Noah spun in the other direction and the lineman fell flat on his face. Noah took off down the sidelines and did not stop until he made it into the endzone.

6-0 McKinley.

"This was an epic start to Corcoran's best game," the announcer rawred. "This boy never fails to surprise us! It's going to be a great night, folks."

By halftime, Noah already had 112 yards rushing and 45 yards receiving. He also had an interception and a fumble recovery. Coach Beiste could not believe what a complete game he was playing. The score of the game was currently 35-0 with Noah scoring all but one of the touchdowns. He didn't care as much about all that he accomplished. He was just trying to relieve the tension that the asshole had caused. He had learned how to use the game as his outlet. However, he was lying if he wasn't impressed with himself with all that he was able to achieve in twenty-four minutes.

Coach Beiste wanted to start the second half off with a bang. She decided on the kick off they would use the only trick play they ever practiced. Instead of kicking off they would do an onside kick with the hopes of surprising the other team. Noah lined up ready to recover the ball. The line man that made the comment lined up opposite Noah ready to block him from tackling his returner.

The play started and it was kicked directly at the linemen and it bounced right off his big round stomach. Noah crashed into him with such force it seemed like he came out of his shoes. Noah leaned into the line man that was on the ground with tears in his eyes. The tension fell from Noah's body. Noah leaned forward and grabbed the cage of his helmet.

"If you ever talk about my sister that way again, you're going to be begging for a tackle like compared to what I'll do to you," he growled.

Timeout was called because the obnoxious boy needed help getting off the field. The crowd clapped from him when he stood. Noah just glared; he didn't clap.

The game continued. McKinley won the game soundly 54-0. Noah had ended the game with 302 yards rushing 104 yards receiving a kickoff return for a touchdown and a punt return for a touchdown. It could not have been a better game for the scouts to see.

He saw the team rushing at him and raised him into the air as he waved the winning ball. They had done it. He smiled and scanned the crowd. Santana was jumping up and down screaming joyfully with the Cheerios in the way that only teenage cheerleaders could. Joey, Quinn and his Mom were clapping triumphantly amongst the excited crowd. Even Quinn had a big smile on her face. Then his eye settled on Rachel who with her camera still attached to her hands was beaming with pride from Bear's shoulders as the man has his hands raised yelling in victory. Rachel caught Noah's eyes and gave him a thumbs up with a free hand. He grinned back at her. Maybe he could move on to college and everyone would be ok – just maybe ?

….

Shelby climbed down out of the bleachers and was met by Coach Beiste and a handful of men who each had folders under their arms.

"Evening," one of the men smiled.

Coach Beiste beamed. "Shelby," she smiled. "We have some men here that would like to talk to Noah."

Shelby looked at Quinn and then looked at Bear and Rachel who were approaching. "Thank you, gentlemen, let's see if I can grab him."

Rachel from Bear's shoulders was able to spot Noah amidst the crowd. She tugged at Bear and told him hurriedly, "Let me down! Let me down!"

Rachel scrambled off of her uncle's shoulders and began with a burst of strange energy and pride weave through the crowd toward her brother. It wasn't that she was lost or that she couldn't see him. She couldn't hear her mother' panicked voice. She sprinted through with one goal in mind. She felt a flutter in her heart and a pride that reached the ends of her fingers and toes. She could see her brother perched on some big, tall boys shoulders and she felt so excited. She was smiling so much her cheeks hurt.

She watched confused as Noah's smile faded and he knocked the back of the guys head and shoulders to let him down. Why was he so upset?

She suddenly couldn't see him anymore. Where did he go?

She felt a gentle hand take her arm and she saw her brother pulling her toward him. Her grin was back. She didn't protest as he maneuvered her onto his shoulders whispering something about how she was going to get trampled like an ant hill at a playground.

"Noah, you're all sweaty," she whined as she held onto the top of his head for balance.

"Deal with it," he smirked. "You're going to give Mom a heart attack."

"She's right over..." she trailed off. "Where is she?"

"You ran across the field, bug," he said with a soft voice. "It freaked me out."

Rachel frowned and looked back through the crowd as her big brother guided her back through.

"I just wanted to see you," she said thoughtfully. "I knew exactly where you were so …." She considered what she just did and looked back at the crowd that they went through. "I knew exactly where I was going."

He looked up at her causing her to lean back on his shoulders. "I know. Thanks for coming, Rach."

"I told you that you're really great at what you do," she grinned. "I'm so proud of you."

She looked back at the school and her smile faded slightly. She felt an echo in her ears. The noise wasn't of the crowd but it was something else. It was like all of the jumbled up thoughts she had ever had were being crammed into her ears at once. She tilted her head to try to understand them not realizing her mother had removed her from Noah's shoulders and was scolding her gently. Rachel just kept staring at the school. It was almost as if she had forgotten it was there, just like she had forgotten the crowd was there when she ran through it.

"Rach?" she heard her mother calling.

She looked at her mother and looked down at the ground. Her emotions were darting all over the place like a bouncy ball. She didn't have a prayer of grabbing even one of them. She rested her head on her mother's shoulder and blinked quietly to the sound of her shallow breathes, unsure to be proud of herself or more nervous about her compulsive behavior.

She felt a new hand on her back and she shifted her gaze where she was met with a concerned look from Santana.

"You okay?" she asked quietly.

Rachel forced a small smile and nodded. She climbed out of her mother's arms and told her mother's quizzical eye to go speak with the scouts. Her mother kissed her lightly on the cheek and whispered words of comfort, that still sounded jumbled in Rachel's ear before she went to the scouts with Noah.

Rachel leaned back into Santana's stomach and felt herself get lost in her head.

….

Noah continued to glance over her shoulder making sure that Rachel was still alright with Santana and Quinn as their aunt chatted with passers by.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Noah," a man said brining him back to the conversation in front of him. "You should be really proud of the game you just played. We would certainly be honored to have you."

"Thank you, sir," he nodded shaking his hand. He then noticed that was the last recruiter.

"What a list of options!" Emma said with a squeal of excitement forcing Shelby and Noah to look at her with a grimace. "McKinley is honored to have you! We can talk more about these options when you get back from break."

He nodded. "Sure," he smiled.

The woman with the bulging eyes retreated and Noah started back toward the family.

"Noah," Shelby called after him.

He turned but then felt her pull him into a hug. "I'm so proud of you," she whispered into his ear. "We all are and your father would be exceptionally proud of you too."

He grinned bashfully and hugged her back. "Thanks, Mom."

"I hope you're proud of yourself too," she said in the way that only mothers could.

The side of his mouth went up in a barely-there grin. "I think I am."

Shelby leaned back and searched his eyes with her hands resting on his padded shoulders. "I unquestionably am."

He looked back at the family. Quinn was resting her head on Santana's shoulder and Bear had Rachel on his shoulders again. "I'm really happy that they came," he realized aloud.

"Me too," she beamed.

He looked look at her confidently. "I think we'll be okay, Ma. You don't have to worry so much."

She nodded at her son's confidence. "I think we will too."

A few hours later, the house why now quiet. Noah was sitting at the counter of the empty kitchen dipping pretzel sticks into a tub of now melted ice cream. He stared at the pile of pamphlets that were piled on the counter, wondering if the campuses looked as nice in real life.

"That's disgusting," a voice said behind him.

He turned and Rachel was standing at the doorway with George in hand.

"Hey, space cadet," he grinned as she climbed onto the stool next to him. "You're supposed to be sleeping."

"So are you," she retorted.

He leaned over and searched her eyes. "You okay?"

She gave a brisk nod. "Yeah, I just kind of freaked myself out when I went to go see you."

"You freaked all of us out," he corrected. He sighed thoughtfully. "You used to do that kind of shit all the time."

"Language," she scolded.

He shrugged. "You remember? You used to just do stuff and then it caught up to you. Like when you were super excited for that doll... um... erm..."

"Hannah Montana?" she growled embarrassed. "I no longer watch that, Noah. It's for babies."

"Rachel, you are a baby," Santana said coming in behind her with Quinn in tow. "That's disgusting, Noah."

The boy groaned. "Leave me alone, buckwheat. I worked hard tonight. I need to replenish my strength."

"You said that last week after you took a dump," Quinn retorted.

"That's gross," Rachel whined. "Please act like civilized human beings."

The three older kids looked at her with a frown.

"Are you ready for this week?" Noah asked looking at Quinn, who was reheating two Eggo waffle. "Look at you eating on your own."

"Bite me, Puck," she hissed. Quinn put a waffle in front of Rachel. "What? you're not vegan anymore."

"I am too, I'm taking a temporary leave of absence," she corrected.

"Whatever, here," she said forcing the waffle in Rachel's hand. "Is Thanksgiving big here?"

"Sorta," Santana said as she ate out of the refrigerator but not bothering to take anything out.

"I don't have to meet anymore relatives, do I?" she groaned.

Rachel shook her head as she bit into the waffle. "No. Just Griff and Dex and Joey and Bear and Nana and Pop-Pop and us."

"Just," Quinn said with a roll of her eyes.

"We do lots of stuff for the pre-game," Noah said as he bit three pretzels and double dipped them back into the now melted and frothy ice cream.

"For football?" she asked.

Rachel shook her head. "No, the Christmas Pre-Game."

Quinn took a bite of her waffle and widened her eyes, rolling them slightly.

"Don't worry," Rachel said. "It's fun... Sorta of."

"Rachel, it's tons of fun, Quinn will have a lot of fun."

"I'm sure it will... be something like I've never experienced," she said finishing up her syrupless waffle.

"Well," Rachel began quietly.

"What?" Quinn asked looking at her.

"That's kind of a given. Russell and Judy Fabray don't seem like the Christmas Pre-Game type," the eleven year old said seriously.

Santana and Noah watched Quinn carefully to see how the blonde would react. To their suprise, Quinn laughed.

"That's so true," she said with a smile.

"Guys, it's almost one in the morning," Shelby said combing her hand through her hair. She rested her chind on the top of Rachel's head and wrapped her arms around her, taking silent note that Rachel and Quinn appeared to be eating. "What are you doing awake?"

"I couldn't sleep and saw the light on," Rachel said quietly.

Santana shrugged. "I woke up and she wasn't there."

Quinn pointed at Santana. "She woke me up and told me that Rachel wasn't with her."

The women looked at Noah was was sloshing the melted ice cream in the tub absently. He looked up at the now quietly room. "I was hungry," he said simply.

Shelby sighed. "Alright." She noticed her eldest daughter still rummaging through the refrigerator. "Santana Louise, do not graze with the door open please. Take out what you want."

"You're wasting electricity," Rachel said with an affirmative nod.

"It won't run out," she sighed. "Mom, are we going to go shopping tomorrow?... I mean today?"

Shelby gave an exhausted yawn. "I guess we should start huh?"

She reached over and began to make a list.

Quinn looked over Shelby's shoulder and watched the list become longer and more bizarre. She looked looked over at Santana, who just shrugged in response.

"I told you so," she said with her mouth full.

"You're disgusting," Noah said mocking her tone from earlier.

"Bite me, Puck," she hissed, showing him the food in her mouth.

"Hey, hey. I'm vetoing any fighting until at least 10:00am. I have enough gray hairs as it is," Shelby interjected.

"Hey, San, do you remember when Rachel wanted to get that doll for Christmas and we lost her in the store?" Noah asked.

Santana narrowed her eyes. "Yeah," she said as she cast a glance over at Rachel. "Why?"

"We were talking about when she used to do stuff without thinking," Noah said with a shrug.

Rachel bit her side lip and looked at her sisters and then over at her mother.

"That's what you were talking about?" Shelby asked putting her list down. She lifted Rachel into her arms and sat back down in the stool.

Noah nodded. "Yeah, when she came down here."

Shelby paused for a few minutes, collecting your words. "All four of you," she began. "Have a quality that certainly is one that all Corcorans have."

Quinn arched her brow. "Really?" she challenged skeptically.

"Yes," Shelby began again. "All four of you are carelessly impulsive."

"Isn't that redundant?" Rachel asked.

"Sort of," she stated. "But you're impulsive enough that it gets you all in more trouble than perhaps a more 'average' level of impulsiveness. You all act on instinct with such velocity but then you all retreat suddenly, almost forgetting how strong you can be. I admire that fire in the four of you even if it scares me half to death most of the time."

Shelby kissed the top of Rachel's head, silently conveying that she wasn't angry about the child's most recent demonstration of careless impulsiveness.

"Now, Quinn," she said turning to the girl with a grin. "I bet you have some questions about our holiday festivities, which are yours if you want them to be."

Quinn nodded and Shelby began to describe them. For a moment, the family was offered a solace from the imperfection that had become their lives. The early morning hours drifted into day as another day began and another day was left behind. The mistakes and challenges that were still very present in their lives quietly slept and patiently awaited to be addressed.

**Alright, that's all, folks. **

… **Just kidding just until the next chapter. **

**I wanted to get Thanksgiving into this chapter too, but it didn't work out. Therefore, I'll pull a Glee and do a belated Thanksgiving. Please if you're still reading let me know what you think! I know that many of you have stuck with this story for over a year. It means so much to me. Please let me know what you think of the story. Thank you again for sticking with it for so long! **


	57. Chapter 57

Slea - thank you so much I am glad you enjoyed the chapter - I hope you like this one. Thanks for the review.

Guest – Thank you I like writing Sugar, she brings a little humor into the story which is needed for these kids. Thanks for the review.

Gracksies – Ok Shelby would be furious with you if you were reading this and not studying so you need to focus on school and then read this in your spare time. Don't get me wring I love that you are reading it but I don't want anyone to fail school over it. I am a perfectionist and that's why sometimes it takes me so long to get the chapters out. Thanks for the review.

Faberritanalover21 – 5 days to read the whole story? Wow – Thank you so much! I am so glad you like this story I realize it is a tough read for most people so I am glad that you like it. Thanks for the review.

Cookie07 - Shelby most likely knew and wanted San to say it for herself. Santana is very sensitive but has such strong outer walls that it takes a lot for her to show them and she is slowly letting them down for Britt. Some of the Corcoran traditions are coming out in this chapter and while Quinn feels a part of this family in some ways she is going to see how far she has to go to really feel comfortable. Thanks for the review.

Scout88 –Shelby is grateful for all of the help that her parents are giving. She's not being ungrateful, but a tiny part of her is annoyed a single parent that she in essence isn't a single parent. It's a tough transition, but she certainly knows what her family is sacrificing. In my experience, when family comes to "help" you're so grateful for what they do, but you are also distracted by their constant presence. Santana is not one to follow her own advice. She never is being hypocritical isn't beyond her character. I am proud of Noah too. He is an amazing player. Rachel making brash decisions will continue in this chapter. She has a blind passion. Quinn definitely doesn't want to talk about sex. Thank you again for your wonderfully long reviews. thank you!

Iuterpi – The trial will not be a pleasant affair and will take a toll on some of the Corcorans but they will rally and pull each other through. Thanks for reviewing.

Guest Thank you so much

Durant's Cry – I am glad you caught up with this story. I plan to continue this story along with doing a sequel – I have to admit it has been a little rough lately because real life has gotten in the way. But trust me I will be continuing and finishing this story as long as there is interest in this story. Thank you for reviewing.

leadmyfollow – I am glad – thanks for reviewing.

dolphinluver46 – Thank you so much. I am not sure if Noah will play football in college but now he is finally looking at the options.

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for the cookie. It will be a slow process for Rachel because the trial is going to be tough for her. Thanks for the review.

UnicornsAndRainbows20089 – My beta said the very same thing – but I could never end it there. There is so much more I want to write but I also don't want to drag it on – I want to show growth with each of the characters – it is a challenge but I love each of these characters so much. Rachel gets out of the house in this chapter but it may not be for the best – haha – Noah has to make that big decision on whether he will go far away or stay close to the girls. Thanks for the review.

JWilson18 – Thank you so much for your review. I try to make each chapter filled with enough detail for everyone. I am glad that you are seeing that each character is growing that is one of the things that I strive for. I thank you for being patient with my updating – due to the length that I like to have for my chapters it does take me a little more time than the usual writers.

Dave – I am sorry you feel that way about the story. I try my hardest to show progress in each of the chapters with each of the characters. It is a hard juggling act to make sure I keep the story moving and not moving it too fast and unrealistically. I apologize for taking so long in updating as well. I will tell you that my betas and I work on this story every single day to make sure we get it right and where we want it to be. Unfortunately we all work full time jobs and also one is in a different time zone so our scheduling are not always clicking but we want to get the next chapter out as soon as possible but I also do not want to post junk or a filler chapter. I am working on developing Rachel more and the story very much involves her. I thank you for your review and I hope you like this chapter.

Ryoko05 – Thank you I wish I could have all the chapters wrap up so nicely.

Guest – you find out a little more about Quinn's period this chapter. Thanks for the review.

broadwaybound2016 – Thank you so much! I hope you like this chapter.

Gleeks09 – Thank you so much. Noah needs to move on so Rachel can move on – it is so true. They all need to help each other move on. Shelby and Quinn have a very special bond and relationship and it will only grow as Quinn grows. Thank you so much for your review it means the world to me.

littleredwritinggleek - I am so happy that you enjoyed this chapter. Each one of the kids is growing in their own way at their own pace. All of them have so much further to go but they will get there. Thank you so much for your review.

thelastcenturian - thank you, friend. lol i think you're too generous with this review of "perfection as always." lol perfection is an awfully high bar. thank you for the vote of confidence!

Kimberlli- I'm very proud of Noah too! Rachel's impulsive behavior worries all of  
>them. I hope you like the Thanksgiving chapter. Thanks for the review.<p>

OTHangels – Thank you for the review I am trying to get a little more of Britt and San in every chapter.

Renata – I am so happy you loved this chapter. I was a little concerned that it didn't move along fast enough. Quinn and Shelby are special and I am glad you like it. I can't give out any spoilers yet on the sequel except that they are all alive and doing pretty well. Or at least some of them are – you just have to wait – sorry. Thank you so much for always reviewing I look forward to them so much.

lovecanbesostrange – I am glad you liked the ending. There is so much going on and to have them all together in a natural and non dramatic setting – it is needed. Britt and San have not had time to work on their relationship but even if it is not in this story – they will still be together in the next – but as young adults and teens often do – they will have their ups and downs – it's a relationship and it always needs work. Noah is finally realizing that there is a future for him and his family and that is a good thing. It will still take work but there is one. Thanks for reviewing.

marinka4 - yes I have been writing and you have been graciously reading and reviewing my story for a year! The Corcorans and I include Quinn in this are as strong as siblings can be. Thanks for all your support over the year.

TommyH – Thank you – its Faberry without the romance though.

**Sorry for the delay everyone. Here is a short chapter. **

Chapter 57

….

Quinn ran her tongue over her teeth and bit her lip. They had two carts full of food. She knew that Thanksgiving was a holiday of gluttony but this seemed a little extreme. However, nothing seemed more gluttonous than Costco. She couldn't help by glare at everyone. There was a child on a leash to her left and a grocery cart with enough child seats in the cart for four children and the family pushing the cart still needed more seats. Costco was a store for over indulgence; its customers would be over consumers in their lives as well as their shopping habits.

"Do we really need all of this?" Santana whined.

"You know we do, San," Shelby said with a sigh as she encouraged Santana to stop throwing super-sized boxes of cereal in the cart.

The girls had to come shopping with her because they were grounded. They couldn't stay home with Noah and Rachel. However, while the girls felt like they were being punished, Shelby couldn't help but feel like she was being punished too. Costco was a science and approaching it during the holiday season required a certain level of strategy and motivation. Shelby turned and looked over her list. They had barely started. She squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn't send the girls to go out and retrieve items. They had to do this all together. She hated following her own rules. She sent a quick text to Joey to stop by and check on Noah and Rachel after work because they would be a while. She put her phone in her back pocket and frowned.

Quinn was sifting through the clothes in the middle of the warehouse as if it was infested with bugs and Santana was practically pushing a pregnant woman in the line for samples.

"Quinn, Santana! Come over here please," Shelby called.

Quinn dropped the clothes as if it were giving her a disease and Santana sighed.

"Ma! These mini quiches have 2 more minutes," she yelled out. Santana motioned to the line as if she needed to have a mini quiche to save her life.

"Santana," Shelby said quietly, still not raising her voice as she arched her brow.

Santana shook her head and let her arms fall limp at her side in frustration. Shelby looked at her again and glared. The teenager rolled her eyes and glared at the pregnant lady in response.

"Santana, I'm not asking you again," Shelby called out.

The teenager finally dragged her feet toward her. Quinn drowned out Santana's lecture about the importance of mini quiches. She looked around and watched as the store was busy with an urgent holiday bustle. She couldn't be in here. She felt the roughness of her cast. She watched a man toss three packages of five tubes of toothpaste each into the basket. Why would anyone need that much toothpaste? She let her gaze wander over to another aisle where a woman was shoving toilet paper packages into her cart. There was no more room in her cart so her child had to carry it but it was too big so the child was dragging it.

"Quinn. Quinn," Shelby called.

The blonde jumped slightly and looked at her. "Sorry," she muttered. "I've never been here...It's kinda barbaric... and incredible capitalistic."

"Welcome to America!" Santana laughed as she took a five pound bag of pistachios and a Ghirardelli chocolate assortment.

"There are 100 pieces of chocolate in that," Quinn said. She turned to Shelby. "Are we having one hundred people over?"

"We don't need one hundred people to eat one hundred pieces of chocolate. Noah and I can easily split the bag," Santana said, considering for a second and grabbing another bag and throwing it into the cart.

"Put it back," the mother instructed. "We don't need pistachios or chocolate."

"Mom, we need this," she said with a scowl as if her mother were passing up a necessary commodity like toilet paper.

"Put it back," she said again. "We are only getting what is on this list or in this coupon book." Shelby stated holding up the book.

Santana frowned. "I don't understand, Mom. We need this," she said. Quinn was pretty sure it sounded like a whine.

"No, Santana," Shelby said. "Also, No throwing anything into the cart. Remember what happened when Noah threw that bag of peas. We don't want a repeat performance do we?"

Santana scowled and started to take things out of the cart with great indignation.

"Alright, Quinn, look at the list and help me figure out what we need," the mother stated. Quinn caught her eye and could see that the woman was trying to keep her focused on what was going on instead of her thoughts in her head.

Quinn read off the first item on the list and Santana and Shelby had another conversation about how a bulk package of pudding cups wasn't needed. Quinn didn't have a problem with people in public... not sense. She let the crowd hide her from the world. She frowned. Did that even make sense? She shook her head. She gets lost in the crowd, she corrected herself. She rose above it when necessary, but only to blend in... She sighed hating that she focused so much on her internal monologue.

The cart suddenly bounced and startled her back into reality. She frowned and looked at the gigantic bird in the basket, wrapped in plastic. Her knowledge of holiday preparation was centered preliminary around cheezy, unrealistic specials. However, she was pretty sure that birds weren't supposed to look like that. She attempted to push the cart and was met with too much resistance again.

"Santana, I have one hand," she sneered at her sister.

"Santana, what did I say about throwing things into the cart?" Shelby said with a irritation.

"It's frozen," Santana offered. "Why does it matter if I throw it in the cart. It's not like I can hurt it. We're just going to put it in a bucket outside on the porch anyway."

"What? Why?" Quinn asked in disgust.

"Because it's frozen," Santana said.

"Enough," Shelby said putting her hands up. She held up the list and the coupon book. "We are completing this. It's happening. No samples. NO throwing things in the cart. We're getting this done."

Quinn and Santana exchanged a look of confused awe.

"One sample?" Santana asked.

"When we're finished," Shelby said. "Quinn, we'll push this cart together."

They continued down the aisle in silence. Neither girl wanting to interrupt the beast. Quinn pushed the cart as if it were her ball and chain. There was something about shopping at Costco that sucked a bit of her soul out. She couldn't even squeeze the bar with her casted hand. She hated this damn cast. She wasn't even sure what caused it to get so dirty, but it was. She liked things neat and tidy and an old cast wasn't that at all.

"Quinn? Quinn Fabray?"

The blonde looked up and frowned wishing suddenly that her cast was magical and could transport her to a world far, far away from here.

"Quinn, dear," the woman clad in a Burberry Coat and a matching scarf pulled her into a hug. "How are you doing, dear?" she asked. She nodded her head, each word echoed greater sympathy as demonstrated through the greater etching into her brow.

Quinn didn't even think she would ever see this person at Costco. Ever.

"Evelyn Greer," the woman said extending her hand to Shelby. "Quinnie and I go way back. Her mother and I played bridge at the club." The woman put her other hand out up to her face as if to whisper to Shelby, but nothing was concealed at all. "Clearly, we don't play bridge anymore. Of course, I , as the chair of Club Counsel, chose to have the Fabray's dishonorably discharged from the club long before that woman's demise."

Santana looked at Quinn. "Is the club the army?"

"Basically," Quinn shrugged.

Shelby took her hand and shook it with a fake grin politely plastered onto her face. "It's a pleasure. I'm Shel-"

"Shelby Corcoran," the woman interrupted. "I'm well-aware of who you are." She shook her head in appreciation. "We're so grateful for all that you do. Taking in Quinn and -"

"Quinn is just as much my daughter as my others," Shelby interjected again. "I'm very lucky to have her."

"Who wouldn't be?" Evelyn Greer stated. "She has always been a kind and caring girl." She looked at Quinn with a shake of her head. "It's a tragedy what all those people put you through."

Quinn felt Santana harden next to her. The cannon was loaded and was going to explode. Quinn put her casted arm out. "Don't," she hissed

"It's all for the best, now isn't it, Quinnie," Evelyn continued. "You're practically normal now. Will we see you leading the Cheerios to another victory?"

"I'm no longer a Cheerio, Mrs. Greer," Quinn said kindly. "I'm trying to focus on other things right now."

"Of course! Of course!" Mrs. Greer said with another nod radiating with attempted empathy and a pinch of her brow. "You will always have The Club, dear. We are all very sorry."

Quinn frowned. She hadn't realized that she would be the talk of Bridge Club. She should have known that that's what they would talk about over their cucumber sandwiches and tea. All the women at Bridge Club always gossip about other women at Bridge Club while at Bridge Club. Quinn frowned. She wondered if her mother's attempt to keep the perpetual gossip wheel churning was an effort to do her "social part" or smoke and mirrors to just keep herself off of the wheel. She gave Evelyn Greer a look and looked over the woman's shoulder for a basket. She had none. Quinn looked down at the woman's hands. She was holding a 6 pack of bulk champagne bottles.

Evelyn Greer followed her gaze.

"New Year's Party, Quinnie," she said. "You remember, of course?"

The blonde girl nodded. "Mr. and Mrs. Greer always throw a lovely celebration for the New Years."

"And Costco is the place to come," she smiled. She rested her hand on Shelby's. "Lovely to see you again," she said as if she was just running into her and would see her again.

The woman waved and was gone in the crowd with her Champagne in bulk.

"Well," Shelby said.

"She's a crazy cow-" Santana began, only to get a glare from her mother. "Sorry," she muttered.

"She's not that terrible," Quinn said searching for her slightly in the crowd. "There are worse people in the club." The blonde's thoughts trialed off. Evelyn Greer would say hi to her at Costco and wouldn't deny purchasing Champagne in bulk. Evelyn Greer was probably the only woman in Bridge Club who would acknowledge Quinn directly. The other's would cower behind whatever aisle they were in and whisper about her.

"Let's finish up, girls," Shelby said rubbing Quinn's back and kissing her softly on the temple. "We don't want to be here all day."

Quinn smiled. "Neither do I," shrugged. The two of them looked up and Santana was trying to be subtly looking at the list while actually standing in line for mini pigs in the blanket. "We should let her think that she's getting away with that."

Shelby smiled. "You think so?"

The blonde nodded. "Most definitely."

…..

Rachel took a deep breath. She watched as the mailman put mail in the last mailbox on their street and climbed into the white car and drove away. It couldn't be safe driving with the door open she thought, attempting to silence her anxiety about her self appointed task. She went to a football game. Walking to the end of the driveway should be easy. Their driveway was one-eighth of a mile long, which was six hundred sixty feet. Not six hundred AND sixty. Her advanced math teacher told her that adding "and" meant that you were adding a decimal.

She looked at the drive way. It was big enough for bicycle riding and skateboard jumps. It wasn't super long but it was long enough. She had seen the mailman put mail in the mailbox. She knew there was stuff in it.

She went to the closet, pulled on her red peacoat and gingerly buttoned it. She paused and looked at the closet. She is not hiding in the closet anymore. She was going to football games and going to get the mail. She was doing big things and doing awesome stuff. She started toward the door again.

She wasn't going to get Noah, because she might fail and she would fail for sure if he was watching. She was eleven and she used to do this all of the time. Noah was downstairs doing his thing in the basement. She told him that she was watching something on the history channel and she had the television turned up loudly so he could still think that. She was going to do this. Just how she used to.

She reached for the doorknob and paused.

Things weren't like they used to be though. The world was dangerous. She needed to take precaution. She bit her lip and looked in the closet. She reached for an umbrella. That wouldn't protect her would it? She could open it in someone's face. Would that work?

She shook her head. No, it wouldn't.

She turned and looked out the window again. She was going to do it. She just needed something...to protect her. Just in case.

She paused. Keys. There were keys on the counter. They weren't keys like her mother's keys. They were keys like at the dealers. Her nana left the car that they borrowed from the airport at the house. Her nana didn't want to return it only to get another one. Rachel tilted her head. She had seen her sisters and brother drive. She had seen her mother drive and aunt Joey drive. It was easy. Drive, park and reverse. Watch, look, and listen.

She grabbed the keys. It wouldn't be hard at all. She would be safe in a locked car. Rachel climbed into the car. It was facing the street. She just had to start it and drive it down the driveway and go to the mailbox. She moved the seat forward; she adjusted the mirrors and buckled her seatbelt. And most importantly, she locked the doors. She took a deep breath. Six hundred sixty feet.

She started the car and put the car in drive just like she had seen her family members do many times. She had to sit up really tall in the seat in order to see over the wheel but since it was a straight short distance the eleven year old shrugged her shoulders and nodded her head. She knew the brake pedal was on the left and the gas on the right. Rachel was surprised how fast the car moved without even touching the gas pedal so she rode the brake the entire way down the driveway and turned to perfect accuracy so she was parallel to the street. She smiled with glee, that wasn't that hard. She had this. Super perfect. She parked the car again. She rolled down the window slowly, but the driver's side was automatic so it went very fast. She reached out the window for the mailbox. She couldn't reach. She made sure the car was in park once more and reached out the window again. She still couldn't reach. She looked around and unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned out the window. Still couldn't reach. She frowned and looked around again. It was clear.

She tightened her scarf. She could do this. She opened the door and got out. Leave the door open, and don't get locked out, she told herself. Her aunt locked herself out of the car a lot. Only twice with kids in it.

She opened the mailbox carefully and withdrew the mail. There was a lot of mail. She leaned into the car and laid it on the passenger seat and climbed back into the car. After rolling the window back up, she buckled her seatbelt. She checked the mirror and she locked the doors. …..Now she had to back it into the driveway. How did she do that? She bit her lip. She could honk the horn and ask Noah for help but he would be upset. There was nothing to hit in the driveway... she just... How hard could it be?

She moved the seat closer and put her hands at ten and two, something she remembered her mom yelling at Santana about when Santana was a new driver. She took a deep breath and put the gear in reverse. She put her foot on the brake again. There was a slight dip in the street. She couldn't let it slip. She backed up the careful tiny increments of movement. She was back in the driveway. She smiled.

"Did it!" she exclaimed.

Her elbow slipped and bumped the gearshift.

Oops.

…

Shelby turned onto the street, grateful to be out of Costco. Once Evelyn Greer was spotted and Santana received her sample the girls were more cooperative. They were in and out of there like lightening. Santana and Quinn had a strategy and for some reason, Shelby saw what she had missed before, how great of a team the two of them were. Shelby felt less like the mother and more like a follower. Unload the car. Thaw the turkey and...

Shelby thoughts trialed off. What the hell?

"Why's the car moving down the driveway?" Quinn asked from the passenger seat.

"I don't see anyone in the car," Santana frowned, leaning over the center console. "Maybe... Nana left it in neutral?"

"She left yesterday, the car would be in the Henderson's living room by last night if that was true," Quinn stated.

As if on queue Rachel's head popped up and looked at them in panic and apologies before she turned back to the center console and tried to push, what Santana guessed was, the gear shift into park.

Shelby slammed on the breaks. She was sure the groceries went flying in the back. The two older girls gave grunts of pain as the seat belts caught them from lurching forward. Shelby managed to unbuckle and sprinted toward the rolling car that was now about to be in the street. She knew it wasn't a busy street and she knew that the car was just rolling down the hill, but regardless, her youngest daughter was behind the wheel of a moving car. Her eleven year old daughter.

"She's fast for a mom," she heard Quinn say as she sprinted toward the car.

Shelby reached for the handle and the door was locked. She knocked frantically on the window. "Rachel, unlock it. Unlock the door."

"It's locked," Rachel said panic in her eyes.

Shelby took a deep breath walking quickly next to the the crawling car. "Rachel, unlock the door. Just move the lock, okay?"

Rachel nodded and unlocked the door and as soon as it clicked Shelby ripped open the car door, reached over, put the car in park and pulled the emergency break up.

Santana came running over just as Shelby pulled Rachel into her arms and out of the car. She kissed her softly and cradled her head.

"What are you doing?!" Santana exclaimed. "We practically just got rid of your Malibu Barbie car like yesterday."

Rachel looked at her. "That's not true."

"Go unload the groceries with Quinn please. Rachel and I are going to have a chat."

Santana sighed but resigned and went back to the car where Quinn was rolling her eyes.

"It was barely moving," Quinn said as Santana made her way back to the car.

Santana frowned. "It was moving. That's all that matters." She watched as her mother walked Rachel back into the house and yelled for Noah.

"NOAH LEROY CORCORAN!"

He came running up the stairs frantically, an ear bud in one ear and a hammer in the other.

"What? What?" he asked.

"Move your grandmother's rental car," she said calmly holding Rachel's hand.

He frowned. "I thought you took the Range Rover."

"I did. Your sister took her own car," Shelby said motioned down at Rachel. She looked back at Noah. "You and I will have a talk later. Move the car and help Quinn and Santana bring in and unpack the groceries."

Shelby sighed and led Rachel into the study. The tiny girl was calm now. She had a strange smile on her face. That had scared the crap out of her. She hated rolling down the driveway and not being able to stop but she wasn't stupid. She left. She did it. She just didn't complete it. It was as if she received a B... okay... Maybe a C. Never before was she satisfied with a C.

"Rachel, this is not okay," Shelby said sitting on the couch.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Shelby sighed. "Rachel, what you did was irresponsible and dangerous and it scared me half to death."

"I know," she whispered.

Shelby knelt down in front of her. She shook her head and managed in a gentle voice, "What the hell were you thinking? The car is not a toy, Rachel. You know that."

"But I just had an umbrella... and it was just in the driveway," Rachel said.

"What do you mean you just had an umbrella?" Shelby asked.

"To protect me," she said.. "I can only do so much with an umbrella but I can hit them with a car."

Shelby frowned. Her children's logic never ceased to amaze her. "Rachel, we've talked about this. Panicked and frantic people with weapons don't go well together. Do you understand that your logic doesn't make sense?"

Rachel thought for a moment. "I wanted to feel safe."

"Why didn't you ask for help?"

"Because I wanted to do it by myself," she said quietly. "It was important to me."

Shelby sighed. "I'm proud that you tried to get the mail, Rachel. But I'm disappointed and shocked that you thought this was okay. You are not even allowed to ride in the front seat yet, Rachel. Why do you think it's okay to drive the car? A rental car for that matter." Shelby searched her daughter's face. "You knew it was wrong. You just didn't think you would get caught."

"Can I plead the fifth?"

"You're not on trial here," she said unamused.

"Am I grounded?" Rachel asked.

"Unquestionably," Shelby said.

"I did it though," she smiled.

Shelby looked at her youngest with a smile. "You did and you scared me."

"No, I left. I left the house and I retrieved the mail," she smiled. "I did it."

"Rachel, I am proud of you for getting the mail and that is a giant step but the way you did it was wrong and you know it. We will work on it and I know that this is big for you but you are about to receive the longest grounding of your life - you could have been seriously hurt unnecessarily young lady and your nana will not be pleased you did it with her rental car. Along with writing nana a letter of apology you are grounded for 2 weeks from all electronics and you will now be writing me a paper on how the state of Ohio chose the legal driving age and when they did."

Rachel nodded. "I'm sorry," she muttered.

Shelby hugged her again. "I know, just please. Do not drive yet. And don't ever use a car... or an umbrella as a weapon..."

"Kay," she whispered as she leaned into her mother. .

….

Quinn looked around as she put the groceries away slowly If she put them away too fast, she couldn't eavesdrop as effectively.

"You were supposed to be watching her, you idiot," Santana spat shoving her brother.

"How was I supposed to know that she was going to go grand theft auto?" Noah retorted. "She told me she was watching a documentary and I could be downstairs."

"She's eleven and she also tells you that-" Santana was cut off.

"Knock it off," a voice echoed and the backdoor opened.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Get out, Griffin, you're in the wrong house." She sneered at her cousin.

"Hello to you too," The tall boy rolled his eyes at his cousin. "Mom, sent me over to help with the meal."

"You mess up peeling potatoes," Santana hissed.

Quinn stood there awkwardly as the bickering continued. She was a part of the family. She knew that but in so many ways she wasn't and Griffin had reminded her of that with their trip to Florida. She turned. She was going to go and this will be her escape and -

"Where are you going?" Shelby asked coming into the room with Rachel. She lowered her voice. "You need to stay with me or another adult at all times, Quinn. I'm sorry, but I need you safe and Rachel just gave me more than enough panic for the day. Thank you."

Quinn frowned as Shelby started giving orders. Thanksgiving wasn't for two days. What was there to prep? What the hell was brining a turkey? Why did that sound like a salmonella bath to her? And why did they need that much gingerbread? What was with all the bags of jumbo marshmallows?

The questions were endless. All of the groceries were put away and the family began to cook. Quinn wasn't sure what they were doing but then realized that they were working on pie. Why does one family need this much pie?

"Keep kneading the dough, Rachel," Shelby said. "Griffin, keep chopping those pecans please and then pit the cherries. Noah, cut the strawberries I mean it. Stop eating them. San and Quinn, seriously, please at least pretend that you're washing and drying all of that produce."

"Is this what we're doing for the next two days?" Quinn groaned. She looked up and realized she had spoken her question out loud.

"No, tonight's the first event," Rachel said with a shrug.

Shelby took four sheets of gingerbread out of the oven.

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "Please don't tell me that we're having a cliche gingerbread house making contest."

Noah looked at her. "It's not a gingerbread house. It's the most epic gingerbread tower. It doesn't matter if it's pretty. It's whoever can make it the tallest."

"That's really stupid," Quinn muttered.

"Don't knock it, Q,"Griffin spat. "You're here to celebrate. Aren't you?"

"Buck up or shut up, Griffin," Santana bit. "You're just bitter because you lose every year... usually because you throw a hissy and break your tower."

"Santana," Shelby said intervening. "Griffin. Enough. Quinn, if you do not want to participate you don't have to," Shelby stated. She tilted her head. "However, you're going to be with us the whole night so... In my opinion you might as well participate."

….

For the first time since Quinn had moved into the house, they were eating in the big dining room at the fancy table instead of around the island. Joey and Bear joined them for dinner. There were plenty of small conversations going on around them; however, Santana didn't listen and instead watched Rachel carefully for the evening. The car thing freaked her out. It freaked her out a lot. She caught Rachel tracing her fingers on the edge of the plated after dinner. She caught her mother's eyes and begged for a moment.

Rachel continued to poke at her food and then noticed that people were getting up to leave back toward the kitchen. She felt her sister turn next to her.

"Hi," she said looking up at her. "Are you mad?"

Santana looked at her and gave a slight shrug. "A little, but I kinda get it."

Rachel nodded and continued to trace the edge of the plate. Santana leaned back and rested her arm on the back of Rachel's chair.

"Are you thinking about how we're not using our normal plates?" Santana guessed. "Because you broke all of them?" Rachel gave a nod.

"Didn't you feel badly about all of the lamps you broke?" the eleven year old asked.

Santana scoffed. "Not really."

Rachel nodded and continued to push her food around on her plate. She tilted her head down and stared down at her food. "I … I'm sorry for what I did today," she muttered. "And I'm sorry for breaking the plates …..but in those moments I didn't feel... like me."

Santana nodded, understanding what she was and wasn't saying. "I get it," she stated quietly. "But... you can't just break stuff."

Rachel frowned and looked at her sister. "That's a little hypocritical don't you think."

Santana shrugged. "Do as I say not as I do. Maybe you and I can go running."

"We're grounded," Rachel muttered. She pushed her food around on her plate again. "We're the same now. We break stuff."

She bit her lip and stared at her baby sister. She didn't want that for Rachel. She didn't want her sister to break things. Santana knew what she felt like when she broke things. She felt like her emotions were going to explode from every pore; she felt like she would never relieve the stress in her head that was usually a pounding headache. She didn't want that for Rachel. She knew that Rachel always wanted to be her and that responsibility was too much because Santana couldn't stand the person she had become. It wasn't the anger that scared her. It was all those other emotions that the anger covered up.

"Rachel, I don't break things because …. because I want to," Santana said. "I don't like doing it. It's because …. or at least this is what Julia said, it's because that big bang... the crash... it's a shock value. It like... releases something in me where I can finally relax."

She searched her sister's eyes as she gave her the explanation. She couldn't read them.

"What?" Santana asked.

"That's not how I felt," Rachel whispered. "I didn't feel anything.. It's like I didn't even do it..." Rachel shrugged and looked at her food and leaned against Santana's side as they say quietly at the table. "But I feel badly... I really liked those plates." She bit her lip and looked at her. "Can we go running? I would like to try."

Santana smiled and ran her hand through Rachel's hair. "Yeah?"

"But...I had to leave the house in a car to get the mail..." Santana continued to look at her. Rachel rolled her eyes. "I can't run in the car..."

Santana laughed. "We can start small. We don't have to go run a marathon." She groaned. "Please don't make me run a marathon." Rachel gave a tiny smile. "Oh, there's that smile." She took a deep breath. "Rach, look at me for a second."

Rachel bit her lip and looked up at her big sister. "Yeah?"

"I need you to promise me something," Santana began.

"I promise that I won't stuff too many marshmallows in my mouth during Chubby Bunny," Rachel said with a tiny nod.

She shook her head. "Yeah, that too... thanks. But that's not what I was going to ask you." She took a deep breath and took Rachel's hands. "We're sisters, Rachel."

Rachel laughed. "I know."

The older girl squeezed her hands a little tighter. "Rachel, I need you to talk to me. I need you to tell me when you don't …. when you feel scared and out of control."

"You've asked me this," Rachel said with a tilt of her head. "I tell you as much as I can." She shrugged. "Sometimes, I just don't have the words."

Santana gave a nod. "I know how that can be. I also know that it can be scary to ask for help."

"I'll always ask you for help," Rachel stated looking at Santana.

"Really?" Santana asked.

Rachel nodded again. "Because you'll always be here for me right?"

Santana gave a tiny scoff. "Of course."

"You always let me sleep with you, Santana," Rachel said. "Pretty sure I peed in your bed...and puked on you last year when I had the flu. I know that I have you and I especially know that not everyone is lucky to have a sister like you. I promise that I'll tell you things." she lowered her head. "I'm scared," she whispered.

Santana reached out and pulled Rachel into her lap. "I know, bug. I will be with every step of the way. You don't have to do this alone."

"Do what?"

She shrugged. "Any of it." She rested her cheek against Rachel's forehead. "The trial. You stealing cars. Any of it. I'll be there."

"Kay," Rachel said leaning back against her sister.

Santana kissed her on the top of the hear. "Kay."

Santana didn't worry about losing Rachel, but she worried about Rachel losing her. About being left behind. However, as they sat there in that moment, Santana realized that Rachel wouldn't ever walk away from her. She frowned more deeply as she realized that she had always had a tiny bit of her that wanted to walk away from her, but never could.

_Santana narrowed her eyes and backed up to savior the victories of her goal. This was her year. She was twelve years old and this was her year. She wasn't stupid her cousins were idiots and her brother always cheated. She was now older. She pushed her sleeves up and looked at what she had accomplished. Her gingerbread tower was stable, tall and on top over everything else, pretty. And most importantly: She was winning. She smiled. She was totally going to win. _

_A small defeated cry brought her out of victory thoughts. _

_She looked over and Rachel's gingerbread tower had crumpled. The seven year old gave a sigh and knelt down on the ground and rested her bottom against her heels. She sighed and groaned in defeat at her crumbled tower._

"_Ten more minutes, guys," Bear called out. "Sorry, Rachel. Come over here and you can be my judge." _

_Rachel just continued to look at her pile of crumbled candy. Santana shook her head. Rachel wasn't going to win with her tower anyway. She had spent the last hour and fifty minutes working on the placements of her gumdrops on her foundation of her tower. Who placed gumdrops for that long? She scoffed. A seven year old baby would. She frowned. Rachel wasn't sobbing or whining. She was just staring at the rubble of her tower in sadness. She needed to focus on putting on the top. She needed to win. Dexter always won and she didn't want to deal with that again. However, watching silent tears run down her sister's cheeks made her hate that she wanted to win this. _

"_Bear, Rachel and I are a team. She's working with me," Santana said with a sigh. That seven year old was going to ruin her tower. _

"_Hey! She can't do that! Rule # 6: Teams must be clearly stated," Griffin hollered. _

"_It never says when they say it needs to be stated," Santana hissed. She turned more gently to Rachel. "Come here, bug. Come help me." _

_Rachel stood up solemnly, still upset with her loss. _

"_You suck so bad, Santana! You're not going to win!" Griffin yelled as he looked over at her causing his own tower to crumble. _

_Santana arched her brow. "Who sucks now!" _

"_Enough," Shelby said. "Rule #1 Good Sportsmanship!" _

_Santana rolled her eyes and continued, all the while surveying her competition. Noah and Dexter had tall towers. She needed to beat them. She looked at the shambles of Rachel's tower. The objective of this competition was to build the tallest one and the pieces had to be connected. She narrowed her eyes deep in thought. One year, Dexter had used cardboard. However, no one seemed to remember. The main rule was that the builder couldn't hold onto the creation. If Dexter used cardboard, why couldn't Santana use Rachel. So what if her dumb brother and cousin didn't think of it? That's not her fault. It wasn't cheating. She was being smart._

"_Five more minutes," Bear called out._

_Santana ran into the garage and retrieved a ladder. _

"_Santana, what are you doing?" Shelby called. _

"_You'll see," she stated as she dragged the ladder next to her tall, perfect tower. "Rachel, come here,"she instructed. _

"_You're cheating!" _

"_Am not!" Santana led Rachel up the ladder. "Rachel, just stand on the third rung." _

_The seven year old nodded, eager to be in charge of the excitement. _

"_Two minutes!" _

"_Santana, what exactly are you doing?" Shelby asked placing her hand on Rachel's back to steady her on the ladder. _

"_Rachel, here," Santana said giving Rachel her broken gingerbread foundation. "Hold it in the air like a statue of liberty with one hand and then put your finger on the top of my tower."_

"_One minute," Bear called. _

"_We're totally going to win," Santana smiled at her sister. _

They had won. However, a new rule was made that gingerbread much be touching gingerbread for added height. Santana remembered, while fleeting, how she wanted to leave Rachel behind. There was never any moment that she really did, but there had been so many tiny moments like this that made her regret it. She never told anyone that she felt badly because she knew that people would assume that the she was overreacting or they would analyze her concern into the ground.

She knew what she felt and she knew that she couldn't hide behind Rachel much longer, but old habits were hard to break. It wasn't just about hiding but it was about everything all at once. She was sixteen and she knew that she never focused on herself because she felt like doing so was like opening pandora's box. She remembered learning about how that opening of the box released all of the evils of the world. She remembered that there was one thing that was left unreleased in the bottom of the box: hope.

Rachel gripped her hand, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Is Brittany coming over for pie?" she asked.

Santana looked at her with surprise. "I … I think so. I forgot to ask her. We'll have ask."

"I hope she does," Rachel said resting back against her.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she stated. "You seem happier when she's here. She's always here for pie."

...

Quinn looked around the room. Everything seemed to have been moving in slow motion. She was now certain that her only knowledge of Thanksgiving only mimicked what she had seen on television. Thanksgiving at the the Fabray house was nothing like it was at the Corcorans, but nothing ever was. First there was the gingerbread contest and then a disgusting game called Chubby Bunny and then yesterday they had an outrageous game of flag football. There were all games to prep for the holiday season and now it was finally Thanksgiving Day. She was trying to decipher exactly was going on, but she couldn't. The family had a habit of talking all at once, over each other.

She hated the holidays. She didn't like them because people spent so much effort pretending to live up to a holiday standard of "goodness and joy and love" and crap so strongly, that it was as if those things didn't exist during the rest of the year. While the birth of Jesus was symbolic, Quinn had a small amount more of tolerance for the holiday than she did Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was just salt in a bullet wound. Literally, a bullet wound. It was a holiday to celebrate and give thanks; it symbolized compromise and appreciation of the settlers and the Native Americans coming together. Quinn was 100% sure that the people on the still very real reservations aren't celebrating the grabbing, gluttonous hands of the "Americans." The blonde had had sixteen years to truly embrace her bitterness over the holidays and in her opinion. People should be more bitter. Manifest destiny and the establishment of this country was wrought not by the "American Dream" but assholes who wanted more than the next person. Nevertheless, people sat down for the sake of appreciation, hope and love, and crap, as they rolled the bullshit idea of Thanksgiving in powdered sugar and stuffed their throats like true patriots.

Quinn blinked and paused for a second.

Her annual bitter holiday rant seemed so out of place in the Corcoran house as the family literally began to deck the halls for Christmas. What family decked the halls?

"Here," Rachel said giving Quinn a pile of decorations. "Your internal monologue is really loud."

"What?" Quinn asked.

"Your scowl on your face demonstrated you were judging our holiday festivities," Rachel stated. "Don't be bitter. You'll get an ulcer. And you already have no spleen and a broken arm. I wouldn't try my luck if I were you."

"You're intelligent, Rachel, you have to admit that Thanksgiving is completely absurd," Quinn stated as she stood up and began to hang the decorations, but not because she wanted to, just because she needed something to do.

"Not as absurd as Columbus Day, but pretty close, but I guess... while the holiday derives from a very twisted place, it encourages people not to suck as much as they normally do."

Quinn smiled. Rachel had been happy since she had won the gingerbread competition a couple days ago. Quinn was sure that she won because she was Rachel but she found out that Rachel had planned on building a grand tower for a while. However, Quinn, was still embarrassed for Noah, Santana, and Griffin and how into the competition they were. She sighed and slowly began to hand the decorations.

The blonde reached over her shoulder and looked over her shoulder at the door. Nana come in through the garage with a pile of mail. She had found out about Rachel's escapades under Noah's lack of supervision and both of them received a lecture from the older woman. She paused and watched as the older woman walked up to Shelby and started chatting with her. She handed her what looked like a stack of mail. Quinn suddenly remembered that no one had been in the car since Rachel went for her joy ride. The young girl paused even more as the women both looked over at her.

"What did you do?" Santana asked her quietly.

Quinn just shrugged.

Quinn watched Shelby open an envelope and give a heavy sigh. She watched as the woman pinched the bridge of her nose. She looked over at Santana.

"I don't know."

A timer went off, bringing Quinn out of her stupor.

"Dinner's ready!" Joey yelled. "Dining room please!"

Quinn followed in behind them as they all started to sit down. The table looked like it should be in a magazine. She was grateful to be here and knew that everyone had accepted her, but still she felt out of place. It was as if someone was singing in her ear, "one of these things is not like the other." She sat at the table and the meal began. The turkey was perfect. This is everything she never knew that she wanted. She just did not know how to accept it.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" she asked suddenly. She looked up and realized that everyone had started to eat dinner. She looked apologetically around knowing that it was rude to ask that at the table.

Shelby nodded and set her cloth napkin on the table and stood up.

Griffin opened his mouth to ask a question but the table shifted and he cringed in pain. "Why'd you kick me?" he asked his mother.

Joey shrugged. Shelby held her arm out and Quinn stepped in front of her and up the stairs.

Quinn felt like her head was going to explode. She was now a family member full of brunettes. She always thought that this what she wanted but she didn't know how to do this. They arrived at the bathroom upstairs.

"I can go in by myself," Quinn said.

"I know that you can," Shelby said. "I will wait right here."

Quinn nodded. She finished her business quickly and washed her hands, curing her damn cast again. She sat against the bathtub and frowned. The last two days had been a whirlwind. They had made so many pies that Quinn thought they were working for a bakery. They had made so much gingerbread that she was sure that the family owned stock in the ginger industry.

There was a gentle knock at the door.

"Come in," she groaned.

"Hi," Shelby said peeking in.

"Hi," she muttered back.

Shelby sunk down and sat next to her. "How are you holding up?"

"You've asked me that every day since the holiday started," she said pulling her knees up to her chest. "Usually you ask twice or three times a day."

"And what's your answer right now?" Shelby said with a small smile.

"I'm tired," she said with a frown. "... This... is just... Thanksgiving is …. the one day a year that I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I read _Little Women _alone in my bedroom." She looked up at Shelby. "I know that... that everyone is thinking..." Quinn trialed off.

Shelby looked at her. "What do you think they're thinking?"

Quinn shook her head and gave a scoff. "Everyone knows that I probably did something sad and pathetic like that during the holidays. Not just the people in this house but everyone in this town. Oh look at what a lovely holiday Quinn Fabray will have now. What a kind woman that Shelby Corcoran is for taking in poor ol' Quinn." The teenager mocked.

"If that's what everyone is saying," Shelby said evenly. "What are you thinking?"

Quinn rested her chin on her knees and looked up at her with a deep breath. She shrugged one of her shoulders. "I know that you care about me. I know that it's genuine. I know that I want to be a part of this family, but it doesn't mean that I'll be any good at it."

"There's no such thing as good or bad at it," Shelby said. "I told you that you don't have to participate in any of the events. You watched. That's fine. You're still a part of this family and I will always remind you of it."

"Only because you don't want me to tattoo it on my other hip," she smirked.

Shelby laughed. "I certainly don't want you to get another tattoo."

"You're not mad anymore?" she asked honestly.

"I'm not super thrilled about it nor am I ready to put it in the next family newsletter, but I'm certainly not seething over it," Shelby stated. "How are you feeling?"

Quinn shook her head. "Fine... Why?"

"How are you really feeling?" Shelby asked again.

The blonde shrugged again. "Fine... why?" the girl repeated.

"Quinn, you're not feeling tired? Or having discomfort when you're going to the bathroom?" Shelby asked carefully.

"Why are you asking me this?" Quinn asked skeptically.

"We're going to go to the doctors on Monday," Shelby stated.

"Again? I don't want to," she stated. "I'm fine. I feel the same that I've always felt.

Shelby looked over at her and paused. She took a deep breath. "Quinn, after... the accident you and Rachel had pelvic exams done."

"Amongst other things," Quinn mumbled as her eyes darted towards the floor.

"Well, it took awhile for the results to come back because they didn't know who your primary care physician was and so it was routed and re-routed and finally came back to Dr. Pierce's office."

Quinn sighed. "I don't understand. What are you telling me?"

"I didn't want to tell you today," Shelby began.

"Then why are you?" Quinn asked, sure that she wasn't going to like what she was going to hear.

"Because I think that you can maybe get the holiday celebration you want," Shelby smiled. Quinn didn't return it so she continued. "Quinn, they did an STD panel and the results came back."

"That's what you were reading today," Quinn stated. "Before dinner?" She gulped and took a deep breath. "Is... is what I have curable?"

Shelby wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. "Absolutely. We're going to make sure everything is cleared up."

"What is it?" Quinn asked, unsure and scared of what would be revealed.

The mother looked at her hesitantly. There was no easy way to say this especially with all the baggage that Quinn seemed to carry around. "You have chlamydia," Shelby said after a moment of hesitation.

Quinn snorted "Of course I do," she scoffed. She shook her head. "Fuck!" She threw her hands up in the air. "Why not? Give the girl a prize!"

Shelby kissed her softly on the forehead. "I'm sorry, sweetheart,"

"I knew that there was something wrong," she mumbled. "It just... I … It's felt better since the accident though."

"Probably because of the antibiotics, but you'll need different ones," Shelby stated.

"That means lots of yogurt," she muttered.

Shelby chuckled. "Yes. You'll need to get checked every three months."

"I think …. I think I might have given it to Finn," she whispered. She shook her head. "I thought that he gave it to me... He slept with a girl before me … and then a girl after me... People at school made fun of them because they were the school whores.. and … Everyone found out that they had … chlamydia..." Quinn bowed her head. "I gave it to them."

"So Finn's already been treated?"

Quinn nodded. "I think so. He is not known for being subtle and was asking all these questions in health class and the nurse had to call his mother. …. I just... I didn't think... I read the symptoms …. and …. I didn't think... I had it..."

"One of the girls could have given it to you," Shelby assured.

Quinn laughed. "We both know who gave it to me..." she said looking at her hands. "Without... without a spleen... am I going to be okay? You said that I can't fight infections."

Shelby nodded. "That's something that we need to check out," she said gently. "We will fix this. You will be healthy and back to doing whatever you want to do, be that cheerleading or running or dance or photography or whatever. We're going to get you healthy and you will be fine." Quinn leaned her head against Shelby's shoulder. "Can you tell me what your symptoms are?"

"I'm just... really tired... and... when I go to the bathroom it's a little …. uncomfortable but... "

"Have you been sleeping better?"

Quinn became very quiet.

"What?" Shelby asked.

"I … I sleep better when someone sleeps with me..." she said biting the edge of her mouth. "I know that that's really childish and.."

Shelby gave a soft smile. "Have you seen this house? You never have to ask, okay?"

"So I can... I can stay with you?"

"Absolutely," Shelby smiled.

They sat in silence for a moment and Quinn sighed. "What other symptoms should I have?"

"Well, you said you have discomfort during urination, do you have... any … discharge or anything? Or … Inconsistent periods or spotting?"

Quinn nodded, embarrassed. "I...I thought it was normal... I read that... that discharge is normal...I've had that for a long time... It's just not something I know how to ask for help about... I don't know how to... I didn't know if I should...Is this... Is this what you..." She trialed off feeling her cheeks flush.

"What?"

"Is that what you and Nana were talking about?" she managed.

Shelby sighed. "Yes, she was finally cleaning out the car after Rachel went on her little drive. And Rachel did manage to get the mail. It had all fallen on the floor after I stopped the car and I had forgotten about it. This is no one else's business but your own, Quinn. We don't have to tell anyone."

Quinn remained silent. She was mortified. She felt like the list, "Things that Have Happened to Quinn Fabray" had just received its last blow.

"You're so much more than the things that happen to you," Shelby whispered to her, kissing her on the temple. "I promise you."

Quinn just gave a tiny nod and looked down at her hands.

"I love you and we will figure this out. And you will feel so much better now that we have this all figured out. You'll have an energy that you haven't had before to figure out what makes you happy." Quinn just nodded and gave her a tearful smile. Shelby sighed. "Okay. Let's get you settled. You can stay up here for the rest of the night if you'd like."

"Really?" the blond asked.

"Really," she said. "I'll bring you up a small plate of food. We'll get you settled and then you can read if you'd like. I think Rachel has _Little Women_."

"Maybe, I should read a book I haven't read," she shrugged. "Start a new tradition."

"I hope that this isn't the tradition," Shelby laughed.

"I've always wanted to read _Peter Pan_," she replied.

"We definitely have that book," Shelby assured. She kissed her softly on the forehead and pulled her to her feet. "While you're sick, you're still not getting out of the photo that we're taking sometime this weekend."

"What photo?"

"For the Christmas card," she stated simply.

Quinn frowned. We do that?"

Shelby chuckled. "That we do. Let's go find that book and get you some meds."

….

About twenty minutes later, Shelby was back at the table and told everyone that Quinn wasn't feeling well and dinner continued.

"Well, she lasted longer than I hoped," Griffin stated.

"Enough," Nana said. "We will make her a plate. If she wants to rest, let her rest."

"I have nothing against her. I know that she's had a crap deal," Griffin said again.

"What are you saying?" Rachel asked.

"What do you mean?" Santana bit.

"All I'm saying is that this is different for her and we're all crazy," he said.

"She is a member of this family," Santana barked. "You need to get over whatever your problem is."

"I know she is," Griffin argued back. "I just saying... we're not a simple family to come into. We're certifiably crazy."

"We are?" Rachel asked.

"We're not," Noah stated putting another scoop of potatoes on Rachel's plate

"We kinda are," Joey muttered.

"We're not," Bear stated, agreeing with his mother-in-law. .

"Sanity is over-rated," Nana said as she loaded a plate up for Quinn.

"Nana, I don't think that Quinn will want as much as you're putting on there," Rachel said.

"Well, better to have too much than too little, bug," she stated. She winked at her. "Unless you're driving a car."

Rachel frowned. "I said that I was sorry."

"Don't be," Griffin smiled. "Everyone needs to go on a joy ride."

"Griffin, eat your meal and stop putting your foot in your mouth," Joey stated.

He sighed. "Fine," he continued to eat quietly.

"The food tastes great," Dexter offered.

"Don't act like a grown up," Noah said.

"I am a grown up," Dexter argued.

"Are not," Griffin argued.

"Yeah, huh," Dexter said.

"Nana, I think we are insane," Rachel mumbled as she watched the group.

"Noah, pass the beans please," Michael called. The food moved around the table. Small talk was made about the desserts and the Thanksgiving meal overall.

"Soooo," Griffin began suddenly. The family looked at him with a mixture of frustration, annoyance, and impatience. "Fine... nevermind," he grumbled looking down at his place. "You know what?"

He realized his mistake because the entire family seemed to react and ask at once.

"You're the Grinch?" Rachel asked.

"You cheated today during flag football because I saw that and that was cheating?" Noah said pointing his finger at him.

"We don't want to hear how you're constipated, dear," Nana said quietly.

"No, Grif, you're not Charlie Brown. Don't play the victim," Dexter said as he rolled his eyes.

"Griffin, eat your food," Bear instructed.

"You realized your balls fell off at birth and were used as implants for your bulging eyes?" Santana spat. Her question was the longest and so the whole family heard it.

"Santana Louise!"

"Sorry, Nana..."

A silence settled over them.

"Nevermind," he muttered.

Santana glared at him. She knew that Griffin wasn't a purebred douchebag but she was confident that he was a breed of one. Probably from a distant relative of Bear's. She couldn't stand him at all and in her heart of hearts she knew it was because he had worse control than she did when it came to his brash comments and lewd ways. He was a purposeful douche when he felt scared and needed to defend his territory. He was an idiot but he was one that had a purpose. then when he said stupid things usually he genuinely wanted to know; he just lacked tact on how to ask. Still understanding him didn't make her like her cousin more, but it also didn't make her hate him any less.

Santana looked up when Griffin muttered under his breath again.

"What?" she asked.

"I was just going to ask about the trial," he said quietly. "I just... I want to know what's going on but it's like I'm asking about..." He trialed off when he saw everyone's faces.

"Listen, we understand that you have questions," Michael began. "But, it's best if you asked them privately."

Griffin looked around at the table and it was quiet. He sighed heavily. "Sorry."

Santana looked down at her food. She had purposefully not really thought about the trial because she didn't want to. She needed to focus on something else. She looked up and glared at him and narrowed her eyes. He was there last time. She shook her head. Sort of, she corrected. He wasn't there for the trial itself but he knew how hard it had been. The small portion of her level headed self knew that it was the only way Griffin knew how to understand. He only knew how to ask the hard questions. He was like a less cute, more obnoxious, insensitive older version of Rachel.

Santana closed her eyes and smelt the scent of mahogany and oranges. She felt a cold steel in her hands.

"Santana?" The girl opened her eyes. "Everyone is finished eating except me and you," Rachel said quietly. Santana looked around. The table was being slowly cleaned up. "Mom said to let you have a moment," Rachel continued. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing," she said shaking her head and widening her eyes with a slight shrug. "I just... nothing."

"Oh... Okay. Want to heat up your food? You've been moving it around your plate," she stated.

"No, it's fine," she smiled. "Don't worry about it."

Santana continued to eat quietly even though she could feel her sister's eyes on her. She knew that Rachel knew that she was thinking about the trial or New York or the combination of the two. She knew that Rachel wanted her to answer her questions but she wasn't sure how.

She took a deep breath. "Remember how when you ate the lemon cookies that Nana made yesterday and you told us that you remembered something about when you were little about eating those?" Rachel nodded. "Sometimes I think of things or smells and I remember things too."

"Oh," Rachel whispered. "You don't have to talk about it," she muttered.

"But I know you want me to," Santana said setting her fork down. "I know you're scared about this trial, but you're going to get through it. I promise."

"You just sat silently staring at your mashed potatoes for the last twenty minutes because Griffin mumbled about the last trial and you only did a video testimony for that... I'm sorry if my confidence isn't soaring through the roof..." Rachel muttered.

Santana gave a small scoff. "You can do this."

"But you're scared. You're the strongest person I know and you're still scared..." she mumbled.

"Just because you're scared doesn't mean that you can't do this," Santana said. "I was eight years old. You are so much older and more mature than I was."

"That's not true," Rachel mumbled. She looked up at her. "I never had to take care of someone like you took care of me."

Santana leaned on the table and rested her chin on her fist. "That might be true but... Rachel you can do this."

"I don't think that I can," she mumbled. "But I can't back out."

Santana straightened when she heard this. "Rachel," she began.

"You'll be there, though?"

"Every step of the way," Santana replied. "I'm just scared for you and I hate that I can't fix this."

Rachel looked up at her. "I tried to keep it a secret," she whispered.

Santana sighed heavily. "I know that you did," she said gently. "You can't ever keep a secret like that, Rach. That wasn't what I meant."

"Why?" she asked. "Look at you. Your food is cold because I couldn't keep it a secret."

She smiled. "I really like my food cold. I won't burn my tongue," Santana sighed. "You and Quinn will be incredible. We will put him away and you will be okay."

"I promise I won't lie to you. Ever again, " Rachel said seriously.

Santana poked her nose. "You better not."

"I won't."

"You girls finished?" Nana asked as she came into the room. Rachel nodded. Santana watched as Shelby ushered Rachel into the kitchen and talk about the importance of eating a little bit more. Santana looked at her mostly empty plate. Orange and mahogany.

_The large door opened. _

"_Santana?" _

_She narrowed her eyes and looked at the woman in front of her. She looked over her shoulder at her mother. "Who's she?" _

"_Why don't you ask," Shelby encouraged her eight year old. _

"_Who are you?" she asked. _

_The woman told her her name but Santana didn't care about her name and the woman saw that. "I'm here to ask you the questions." The woman whose name Santana didn't care about looked at her mother who gave a nod. The nameless lady continued. "You will sit in this chair and the camera is over there. I brought you some snacks. Well, we only had oranges."_

_Santana frowned. "I don't want oranges. My mom gives me them instead of candy." _

"_Well, lets get started then," she said guiding Santana over to the chair. "I'm going to ask you questions and all you have to do is answer to the camera." _

_The first few questions were easy. Her name. Her birth date and how old she was. Her family. _

_But then the questions became harder. She wasn't even sure she was answering them. She didn't know how to do this. _

"_Where is your father?" _

"_He died in an elevator," she stated. _

_They wrote something and she gripped her hand around the metal chair armrests. _

"_Do you know who hurt you?" _

_She frowned. "Yeah and my brother and my baby sister." _

"_Who did?" _

"_Hiram," she stated. _

_She looked over at her mother, who gave her a nod. _

"_How did he hurt you?" _

"_With his belt. He kicked my brother sometimes. …. and he... he did stuff to my sister..." _

"_Did he do stuff to you?" _

_Santana took a deep breath. Mahogany. Her father used to have a big mahogany desk. _

"_Yes...but not like Rachel." _

"_What did he do to you?" _

"_I had to... um..." She looked at her hands. "He put something in my mouth sometimes..." _

"_Do you know what?" _

"_It's really gross..." she muttered unable to look at the camera anymore. _

"_It's okay." _

"_His …. his... privates... you know... my brother calls it his winky," she frowned when her mom made a noise behind them. Santana turned in the chair to look at her._

"_You're doing great, baby," she smiled. Santana hated when she smiled like that. It wasn't really a smile. it was more like a face that she made when Rachel cried when she had a diaper change or when Rachel wouldn't eat or Noah would throw something on the ground. _

_She turned back to the woman. She decided she would call her Daisy in her head. _

"_What else did he do to you, Santana?" _

_She looked over at her mother again and then back at Daisy the cow. "The Cow" part seemed necessary. "Does my mom have to be in here?" _

"_Yes," Daisy the cow said. _

"_Because this is making her cry," Santana stated. _

"_I'm fine, Santana. I'm fine. Keep going," her mother assured. _

"_What else did Hiram do to you?"_

"_He … um... he put something inside of me after he spanked me. He didn't like clothes on me or Rachel... He smiled when things weren't funny..." _

"_Do you know what he put inside of you?" _

_She shrugged. "It hurt," she said simply. "I didn't cry for very long though... not really. Rachel didn't really cry. She does now... but she didn't when he was with her. She was really quiet." _

"_What did he do to Rachel?" _

_She felt a big ball in her throat. Like a gum ball. She wanted to back out but she couldn't. _

"_I counted," she said straightening. _

"_Counted what?" _

"_How many times I went into the room with him. I went in five times... and he... he normally did the same things... Like I told you..." _

"_Santana, what did he do to Rachel?" _

"_He... spanked her and …. put... put his fingers inside her until she bled..." Santana said with a frown. "But she didn't scream... when he did it to me I screamed... but when he did it to her... she was quiet.-" _

"Santana?"

She looked up with a slight jump.

She looked up and Brittany was sitting next to her.

"Hi," Santana stood up and hugged her without hesitation.

"Happy Thanksgiving to you," Brittany smiled rubbing her back.

Santana smiled into her neck.

"You okay?"

"No," she mumbled taking Brittany's hand and tracing her knuckles.

"Pumpkin? Cherry? Pecan or chocolate? Apple? or Blueberry? Or what?" Brittany looked at the pies. "You're family freaking loves pie."

"Yeah," she smiled.

"I just made a plate of all of them," she stated.

Santana picked at the pie.

"I … um... when I was eight years old I had to testify at the trial but... it was over video. Doing the video was extremely hard... and Rachel and Quinn can't even do that. They have to be face to face with the whole courtroom," she said lowly as she mixed in her ice cream with her pie making it look like striped soup. Santana looked up. "I'm scared of what this will do to Rachel and Quinn."

"It's okay to be scared," Brittany said.

"I don't know, Brit," she said quietly. "It's not just that I'm not very good at showing it... I'm not good at feeling it..."

"Emotions suck," Brittany said quietly.

"But … they're scared enough... they don't need to know that I am too..." Santana replied.

"True," Brittany nodded. "You don't have to be brave all the time though, San."

Santana leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips. "Thanks," she whispered.

"I didn't do anything."

"You're listening and eating pie with me... That's plenty," She smiled. "Are you staying the night? Rachel kicks so..."

"I don't mind," Brittany said. "Your mom said I could stay if I wanted to."

"I should be catatonic at the table more often," she smiled. "My mom and grandmother and aunt are doing their traditional Black Friday thing."

"You mean that thing they do when they go and poke fun of and ruin the crazy holiday thing?" Brittany asked.

"Yeah," Santana laughed. "BFS: Black Friday Sabotage.

Brittany shook her head. "You're family is so weird."

"You have no idea," she muttered. Santana smiled and leaned over toward her again. "I'm really happy you're here." She kissed her softly.

"Ditto," Brittany smiled and kissed back.

"Get a room!" Noah said as he passed through.

"Do not, no, do not get a room!" Shelby called.

"It's not like she can get her pregnant," Griffin stated as he leaned against the doorway.

"Griffin," Bear groaned.

"It's true," Griffin shrugged. Dexter smacked him in the back of his head. "Ow."

"Don't be a dick," Dexter stated.

"It is a fact," Griffin said. "Unless, you're packing, Britt."

"Do you have a filter? At all?" Brittany asked.

"Clearly not."

Shelby looked at the girls. "Santana, Rachel is already curled up with Quinn. They're leaving room for you. Brittany, you're welcome to sleep over but you'll need to stay on the couch."

"My mom did say she was going to come pick me up at eleven," Brittany admitted and Santana scrunched her nose in disapproval. "She said that my sister was never allowed to do sleepovers with her boyfriends so just because you're you and I'm me doesn't make it any different."

"Poo on equality," she said squeezing Brittany's hand. She leaned over and whispered, "Maybe you should come over while everyone is out shopping."

"What a lovely idea!" Shelby called from across the room.

"She has ears of the bat," Santana groaned.

"Santana, you are still grounded but I definitely need help with cleaning. Your sisters are also grounded. You two can be on Rachel duty. But Brittany, I think you can come over and help her clean."

"Can Mike come over?" Noah attempted.

"Sure, but cleaning must be done. That means raking outside," Shelby stated.

"We'll take what we can get."

"You're not going to be alone all day. I'm going to be back around 8am and Bear and Pop-Pop will be here to keep you all in line." Shelby started up the back stairs. "I'm going to go upstairs and nap. Please behave."

"Perfect."

Santana settled and continued to hold Brittany's hand with one hand and trace it with the other. They would get through this. Scared and all.

**Thank you again for your support everyone. It means so much.**


	58. Chapter 58

claireeleven – Thank you so much for your kind words. I am very happy and humbled that you found the story and enjoy it so much. It takes a lot of planning so that is one of the reasons the chapters don't get out as quickly as I would like. Thank you for taking the time to review.

Guest – Thank you for that but I am not sure what one has to do with the other. I hope you are enjoying the story and I am unsure what you are threatening to do about it but I am glad you are going to stop so I can continue to write and have others enjoy it.

Lolathe17th – I am so glad you caught up – I try to be equal with all the characters – although with Quinn and Rachel and the things that have happened to them it gets a little disproportionate. You will see a little more of Santana in this chapter (she is one of my favorites). The reason Shelby let her make the decision about school is because she knew Brittany was there with San – and she wanted San to keep some semblance of normalcy to her day but you will see in this chapter what happens further. Quinn was pulled because she couldn't focus for 10 minutes on anything and she was leaving school whenever she felt like it. Santana still has Cheerios where she can actively participate. Your reviews are not too long – no worries there. Thank you very much for it.

Guest – The infection could definitely have caused the miscarriage. There are a number of reasons she could have miscarried and they maybe addressed later. One of the reasons it was not caught sooner was because she has moved and guardianship has changed and it was one of those things lost in the cracks. One of my betas works in a medical doctors office and she says you would be surprised with the number of times a test is missed and the results are not given to the patient. Unless the patient is diligent with following up themselves, human error is very high in a busy clinic or medical office setting unfortunately. Quinn would not have been one to follow up on her tests – she would have wanted to forget anything and everything associated with it. Thanks for the review.

CX - Thank you for the review and the Christmas wishes. I am so glad that you are enjoying the story. I try to fit in flashbacks where it seems to fit and unfortunately sometimes for Quinn's there aren't really many happy ones.

Guest – You are correct Rachel's act with the car is terrible and she was extremely lucky with not getting into a serious accident, however, the punishment for Rachel compared to the others is difficult because she has basically grounded herself. She is stuck in her own mind and Shelby and the others know that – so Rachel feeling she is a disappointment to her mother is more punishment than Shelby can possibly give her. And this wont be forgotten by Shelby by any means. Noah and Santana will help the girls with the trial and we will see it through their eyes as well because it will bring back a flood of memories. The key will be now that they are older how will they handle it. Sugar will be around for sure because Holly is homeschooling Rachel and Quinn for the time being. Thanks for the review.

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you so much for the review and holiday wishes. I hope you like this chapter as well. The trial will be very hard for Rachel.

UnicornsAndRainbows20089 – With determination I think Rachel can do anything she puts her mind too. There will be an ending but there is also a sequel. Thanks for the review.

Doodle19 – Thank you for the review. I am very glad you are continuing to read and still enjoying the story.

Iuterpi - Thank you I am glad you are enjoying. Thanks for always reviewing.

OTHangels - Thank you

Renata – Thank you for the holiday wishes – I hope you had a Merry Christmas and a nice New Years, Yeah Griffin is a piece of work but I couldn't possibly have a realistic story where all the characters were nice and friendly and had no issues. That's not life so you always will have that relative that you have to see but don't really want to see. But remember he is still young and he is just being himself. Rachel and Shelby will never have the relationship they had on the show Glee. I think the show did an awful job and the fact that Shelby came back to find her daughter and a quick comment by Mr. Schuester and she left her again did not make any sense to me so no I don't think I can write that kind of relationship. Plus I think one of my betas would disown me. Thanks as always for the reviews.

Roxy555 - Thank you so much for your kind words. I am glad you are enjoying reading it and sorry about the football referencing – if truth be told I need a lot of work in that area so my beta is a football nut so she helps me with it. I try to update every 10 -14 days but based on my work schedule and the holidays and now this illness I have it has been a little bit of a struggle. Thank you again for the review. I hope you like this chapter.

marinka4 – Things will start to get a little better for some and for others it is going to take a little more time but in the end – they will all be a united strong family. Thanks for the review.

JWilson18 – The trial will be in the next couple of chapters – It is definitely after Christmas and New Years – not a great way to start off the new year but they will get through it. Thanks for the review.

Fangirl44 – Santana and Brittany are awesome together and they will get better – in my story they are definitely end game. Thanks for the review.

broadwaybound2016 – Thank you so much!

look4me – Truly I think it is more coincidental that the story was falling into the same time as the real world but as much as I try pushing this story further along I don't want to rush things either. There are many stories online that have similar things as this one but I try my best to be original. Happy holidays to you as well. Thanks for the review.

dolphinluver46 – Loved the review – thanks!

Kimberlli - Every family does have a bum or a relative that is a little off and you wonder where did they come from, but Griffin just needs to grow up some. I am so glad you love the story. Thanks for the review.

Chapter 58

**Thank you for your patience! **

**The next chapter will be the Christmas Holidays. Sorry we're so delayed.**

* * *

><p>Shelby took a deep breath and pulled her coffee cup closer as a woman in front of her played tug o war with a large screened laptop. She and her sister and mother always believed that witnessing the crazy that was Black Friday was essential to reminding themselves they weren't that nuts.<p>

Joey came up to her with a smile. "I totally caused that fight I think."

"Congratulations," Shelby stated.

"Mom is over in the electronic section trying to convince these two women that their lives really don't depend on the purchase of that $60.00 camera."

"I love that she mediated and you antagonize," Shelby stated.

"You usually have more fun here," she stated.

Shelby shook her head. "Forget it," she mumbled. "Look, that couple appears to be lost. Why don't you go make them cry or something?" Shelby shook her head, hating that she supported her mother and sister's poor behavior for the sake of her own entertainment.

Joey narrowed her eyes. "No, I'll stay here. What's going on?"

Shelby looked down at her left hand and traced the barely there tan line on her ring finger. Perhaps it wasn't even there, she just still remembered how her hand felt and looked with the ring on it. Still, after all these years her hand looked naked.

"I never thought I would be that woman," she whispered as she wrapped one arm around her midsection and continued to nurse her coffee. "That woman who kept comparing every experience to the past and gets caught up in what-ifs." She waved her hand in front of her as if swatting away her melancholy thoughts. "Forget about it."

Joey arched a brow. "No, this is hard. This would be hard for anyone. I'm proud that you came out with us to remind everyone what an incredibly capitalist, selfish society we are."

"Says the woman who shops on Amazon like it's her job," Shelby stated with an eye roll. She sighed. "I think that I went too easy on Rachel."

She leaned back against the shelf and looked at her. "Why would you think that?"

"Have you ever had a run away car with a child in it?" she frowned. "What she did was dangerous and stupid and … DANGEROUS! … and stupid!"

Joey rolled her eyes. "You can't go and repunish her more... It's like take backs."

"We all know the trial is going to suck for them. It's like this dark cloud we can see coming back it hasn't freaking rained yet. You just know when it eventually does it's going to pour!" She shook her head. "It just doesn't seem that any umbrella will be enough."

Joey put her hand up. "Let me catch up with metaphor." she looked at her sister. "You can't protect them from every storm."

"But I need to prepare them to survive every storm," she sighed. "I just... You know what I keep thinking about? When we had to sent Noah off to that program for six weeks. The longest six weeks of my life. I just... I sent him away and he came back ….. so … revived... I was so thankful for that. I'm just... I am scared that I'll have to send one of the girls away … because I can't do right by them."

Joey looked at her. "The fact that you always worry if you are doing things is right means that you unquestionably are."

Shelby thought for a moment. "If she had said something... if she had said something when he first... If she had said something then we wouldn't have to do this. She wouldn't have to to this. None of this would have happened to her...again. I told her... I told her... about how it's her body and that she didn't have to do things that she didn't want to and how she needed to see an adult." she shook her head. "what... Why didn't she say anything? …. I ask myself this all the time... and... then … I realize that I can't ask that, because I'm blaming her. I'm blaming my sheltered kid for trusting someone... the wrong someone but someone..." She shook her head. "And Quinn... now with..." she squeezed her eyes shut. "Santana is getting harassed at school and she's putting up with it. She fights for Rachel when Rachel talks to someone in the deli aisle, but she won't fight for her... And Noah... Noah is finally trying with school but I think he thinks it's a joke."

"Like I said. You're a good mom, Shelby. You can't protect them from everything. Your kids are flawed because their human. They're figuring it out and you're helping them. I honestly think that maybe in these next few weeks before Christmas and the New Years break if things are so bad with Santana at school, you should pull herr at least until the new year. She needs to catch up anyway. She must be behind because of the time she's missed."

"Miraculously, she isn't that far behind," Shelby confirmed. "But you're right. It's just something that I can't tolerate and that ridiculousness of that school. It's just... I will figure it out i'm just... I'm not sure how."

Joey arched her brow. "Well, Shel, you're perfect. I'm sure you'll figure it out."

Helen came up to the girls. "Alrighty, I think I helped that couple."

Shelby smirked. "I'm glad you could do your good service."

"Alright, now let's get down to the main reason why we're here," Helen said with an over enthusiastic clap of her hands.

"And why's that?" joey asked with a frown.

"To get shirts for the Christmas picture of course," Helen said. "Okay, the boys... Your boys, Jo, what size are they wearing now?"

Joey shrugged. "I think …. they're the same size as Bear... maybe smaller."

"That narrows it down," Helen said with a roll of her eyes.

"Well, I never know what mood the boys are in. Sometimes they like to think they're models or smaller than they are and they wear them super tight other times they think they're huge and wear them baggy. I don't know. Let's just guess with what they look best in."

"Mom, they're about the size of Noah. Get the boys men's larges."

"What color are we doing?"

Shelby idly picked out shirts as they finalized the color of a red: a dark red, not quite burgundy but not quite red. She picked out a size for Rachel and Santana and was thinking about the size for Quinn when her mother interrupted her.

"What size is Quinn wearing? Should we do long sleeve or short sleeve with the cast? What do you think?"

"Longsleeve," she said. "We can stretch it over the cast." She sighed. "I want her to be in the picture but we're not going to pressure her if she doesn't want to be in it."

"No," Joey interrupted. "Pressure her. She needs to know that she's a part of this family. the boys used to kick and scream with the picture. She's going to be in. Just like they were."

Shelby nodded slowly with a hesitant frown.

"We are pressuring her because the other kids in the family don't get a choice and neither does she - she is in this family now and I will sit her on my lap if I have to," she said with shrug. "We're easy on these kids in some ways but we don't let them out of punishments. Just because Rachel likes doing essays doesn't mean she will enjoy doing it. She wants to be treated like everyone. It's not about coddling them. Practice what you preach and don't treat them any different from anyone else. They already feel like that all on their own."

Shelby stared back at her, knowing that she was right, but still uncertain on how to move forward.

….

The night had been long since Rachel had thought that Quinn was Santana and kept snuggling into Quinn and pushing her hand in the front of her shirt. when Quinn finally pushed Rachel to Santana's side of the bed, Santana woke up and fussed over the blankets that the three of them were sharing. Shelby came home and laid with the three with them and things were calm. However, morning came too soon.

Now, Quinn sat idly near the island as they gathered around in the kitchen. The kitchen was bustling as everyone was trying to eat breakfast. Rachel was sitting next to Santana, who was braiding her hair idly. Moe, Larry, and Curley were having a pancake eating competition and Bear was actually encouraging it.

"C'mon, Griff and Dex, you can eat faster than that! Noah is totally beating you!"

"Have you met him? He's a vacuum," Dexter complained.

"If anyone throws up, Bear, you're cleaning it up," Shelby said.

Quinn continued to watch in disgust. She frowned. that's all she did now a days was frown. She was going to get wrinkles. Thanksgiving was over and they were already preparing to spread the Christmas joy. She wasn't sure if she was ready for all of those traditions.

Shelby grabbed and zipped up her North Face and turned to Quinn. "Grab your coat please. Girls, don't forget that Elyse is coming over today."

"Don't we ever give her a day off?" Santana asked.

"Where are you going?" Rachel piped in.

"I have to go to the doctors," Quinn muttered.

"Why?" Santana asked. "Not about Elise but about Quinn. I don't need to go. I think we should cancel anyway. It's a holiday for the rest o the world... except Elyse and whoever Quinn's going to see."

"Mind your business," Shelby stated. Quinn's head was bowed and as she zipped up her jacket slowly. "Just a check up. Nothing to worry about."

Noah was moving four coffee cups around that were turned upside down. "Rach, pick one."

He continued to move the cups around. Rachel took a bite of toast and pointed at a cup.

Noah picked up the cup and there was a piece of paper beneath it. "Looks like I'm going to Penn State!"

"Noah! No, we are not choosing schools like that," Shelby stated seriously.

Quinn leaned over and looked at Shelby. "I don't... I don't really want to go..." she whispered. "I'm fine."

Shelby turned to her and pulled her into the mud room as she reached for hat and gloves. "I know you don't want to go, but you need to. I promise I'll try to make this quick but we do have to go."

The blonde hardened her gaze. "No," she hissed.

"Rachel, pick one," Noah called again. They could hear cups moving.

"Noah, I mean it," Shelby called. She turned back to Quinn and looked at her calmly. "Quinn, you can either get in the car yourself or I will pick you up and carry you out there myself."

The blonde turned and looked back at her with a laugh. "You can't do that. I'm way too big."

The three in the kitchen looked toward the mud room in interest. Rachel looked up at Santana with a tiny smirk, knowing that Shelby was a lot stronger than she looked. "Mumma's gonna win," she whispered.

"Quinn, I mean it," she said. "We need to leave."

"I don't need to go," she stated with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Alright," Shelby stated and she reached out and pulled the light blonde over her shoulder.

"What are you doing? Are you crazy?" Quinn called out.

"I'm not crazy. If anything, I'm consistent," Shelby stated.

Quinn groaned. "Fine," she muttered relaxing in Shelby's arms. "Put me down. I'll go."

"Told ya," Rachel said looking up from her loose leaf piece of paper that she was beginning her essay on.

Santana arched her brow. "But, really, why are you going?"

"Seriously, none of your business," Shelby reiterated.

Noah leaned back in his chair and watched them leave.

"I think you should go here," Rachel said from his side. He looked down at her and she was pointed at one of the pamphlets with lots of smiling faces on the front. "It looks nice and they have a small student to professor ratio."

"What?" he asked frowning at the brochure. The school she was looking at was USC. He didn't know where it was but knew that it was far away.

"Rachel, work on your paper please," Nana said from the counter. "Noah, if you are finished dirtying those cups go to the counter and wash them please.

Noah stood and looked out the window. He remembered when he moved here and he wasn't sure if he was ready to leave. He knew that he would still see the family it wasn't as if he was saying goodbye forever, but he knew that his sisters wouldn't be down the hall. His mother wouldn't always be there when he thought she wasn't. He knew that Rachel had been right, though. She couldn't move on if he didn't. He needed to show that he could be successful at school and away from home or she would never try herself.

It was hard to make any choices though with the trial so close. He gave a small sigh and glanced over his shoulder. He couldn't find the words to talk to Rachel about the trial. He didn't know what to say. She knew it was already going to be hard, he didn't need to point out the obvious.

Santana went silent at Thanksgiving dinner, just from the mention of a trial. He continued to wash the cups and glanced over his shoulder at Rachel, wondering if she remembered how Noah had reacted after the trial for Hiram. Noah couldn't help but wonder how Rachel and Quinn would react after the trial. He only hoped that they could bring them back from the places they buried themselves in.

_Ten year old Noah ran his tongue along his teeth and reached to loosen his tie. It was cold outside and his mother made him wear a sweater over his shirt and tie. He felt like he was in a straight jacket. He couldn't move as easily as he wanted. He wanted a t-shirt. How did grown ups wear real shirts like this all the time? It wasn't comfy. _

"_Alright, Noah, you ready?" _

_He looked up and his uncle who was wearing a tie and a fancy shirt too was looking down at him with raised eyebrows. Noah wondered if he was comfortable. He gave a nod but he meant to give a shrug. He wasn't in the mood to talk. He wanted to change._

_He leaned back suddenly when he saw his mother kneel down in front of him. _

"_Hey kiddo," she smiled, pretending that she hadn't just swore at Hiram in the hallway. Her eyes had tears in them. "You ready to go home? You did just great, bud." _

"_I don't like this tie," he said. "Can I change?" _

_Her smile melted slightly and Noah wasn't sure if he said something wrong. Her smile came back like it did when he or his sister did something wrong in public and their mother pretended that she wasn't mad. _

"_Sure, sure," she said hurriedly. "Let's go." _

_Noah wasn't sure what to say. His mom had her arm around him in the backseat as they drove back to her apartment. No one said anything. Not the driver. Not his uncle. Not his mother. Not his Pop-Pop. Or even his aunt Joey who always had something to say. No one. He wondered if his Nana had something to say. She was at home with Rachel and Santana. _

_He couldn't help but remember everything that he had to say in the courtroom. He didn't remember exactly what he said. He was sure what he said wasn't shocking to him. People shouldn't be so upset. He didn't know them and it didn't happen to them. It barely happened to him. He just knew it happened to his sisters. When he was little when Santana was still a baby he had a stuffed wolf named Balto. He used to carry it around all the time but especially when he was scared. One night Santana had a bad dream after watching Jumanji. She thought she was going to get sucked into a game and eaten by tigers. He gave Balto to Santana because that was what big brothers were supposed to do. Of course the next day Santana pretended she was a doctor and opened the hole that was already in Balto's neck and took out all of the stuffing and replaced it with chocolate kisses. Noah rolled his eyes. Sisters never knew how to appreciate nice things. _

_He didn't have Balto to hug anymore because his dad had to get rid of him. They had a burial ceremony, Noah remembered. All Noah knew was that after he finished what he was saying in the courtroom in front of the strangers, he wanted to hold something that made him feel better like Balto did. _

_He was led out of the car and into the building where his mom lived. He didn't notice that all the adults kept looking at him until they were in the elevator. They all kept glancing over at him and then looking away as if they hadn't been looking before. His uncle was whispering quietly to his mom. He didn't care and kept looking ahead. His mom lived way up on the top floor of the building. Sometimes he wished they lived closer to the ground. The ride wouldn't be that long then. _

_The doors finally opened and the house was quiet. Santana ran up to him and was asking him questions but he wasn't sure what to say because he wasn't sure what she was asking. He decided not to say anything but then everyone looked at him some more. His older cousins were sitting with Nana playing Sorry. He hated that game because no one was ever sorry in Sorry. _

_The family was still looking at him but he wasn't sure why. He frowned and remembered that he wanted to change and started toward his bedroom. _

"_Noah, do you want help?" _

"_Let him, be, Shelby," he heard his Pop-Pop say. So because his grandfather said something Noah felt like he didn't need to. _

_He pulled his tie off the way his dad had showed him. He pulled on his blue sweatpants that his grandma gave him for his ninth birthday. They had a hole, but Noah still loved them. Finally, he pulled on a long sleeve shirt from his hamper. He liked it better than his clean ones even though it had a stain on the elbow from where his sister spilt juice on him. He decided to wear it inside out. He passed his reflection in the closet mirror and paused. He stopped and looked at his hair. It looked like crap. It was all brushed. His mom had done it after she had tied his tie. He ran both his hands through his hair and fixed it. He started to walk out to the living room but paused. _

_It was nap time, he realized. He should check on Rachel. _

_He walked quietly to Rachel and Santana's room. Rachel slept alone during nap time only because they made a tape of Santana and his mom singing bedtime songs and stories to her. It only worked at nap time. It didn't work at bedtime though. He peeked into the room and Rachel had the blankets wrapped tightly around her and she was snoring softly. _

_Her monkey had fallen out of her bed. He walked in quietly and picked it off the floor and placed it back in her bed. She opened her eyes and looked at him tiredly. _

_She moved over quietly in bed and closed her eyes. "Stay," she muttered. _

_Noah was ten years old. He was a big boy and didn't take baby naps anymore, especially in Rachel's baby bed with the baby fences still on. But for some reason he was tired and for some reason laying with Rachel seemed to be a more fun thing to do than have his family stare at him. He pulled the comforter unceremoniously off of Santana's bed and the pillows and stuffed animals on her bed fell to the floor. He crawled into bed with Rachel and wrapped his arms around her. He had forgotten what was said in the courtroom but all he knew was that it was hard and lying with Rachel wasn't hard at all. _

_He closed his eyes immediately when he heard his mother walk down the hall. _

"_Where is he?" his mom asked in the same voice she asked when Griffin's lizard went missing. _

"_He's in here," Noah heard his uncle say. "Let him stay with Rach. See? He's already out." _

"_What if he …" Joey trailed off. _

"_He protects her. He just needs a break," his mom said. _

"_I want to lay down too," Santana whined. _

"_Leave your brother be," Joey stated. "Let's go play Nintendo, San. C'mon." _

"_I want to lay with Rachel and Noah. He never lays with her," she said again. _

"_Exactly," Noah heard his aunt say. "Let's go." _

Noah remembered laying with Rachel until he woke up and when he did she was poking his face. Apparently he had been snoring. He caught himself wondering what Rachel and Quinn would need to hold after the trial and he felt a pang of jealousy and worry that they wouldn't need to hold anything at all.

...

Quinn looked around the room with a frown. She hated doctors offices. She hated how the tables were covered with paper. She hated that she would soon have to wear paper. She was pretty sure she hated paper. Doctors kill the environment she thought suddenly. She rolled her eyes. She had been spending too much time with Rachel.

"Hello," the nurse said coming into the room. "Found what I was looking for."

She was the same woman that had weighed her and taken her height. Quinn never thought that any adult would be happy that she was gaining weight but they were. the woman began to take her temperature and what not and Quinn couldn't help but think about how much more cooperative she was now than she was a few months ago.

_Quinn was pissed. They had told her either go in an ambulance or she had to go in a police car. Being as her father and mother were both being put in police cars right now, she consented to the ambulance because she didn't want to be near them. She had tried to take it back and explained that she was in the park for a walk and she was fine. She didn't need anything. However, her drunk father had assumed that because he hadn't hit her, her mother hadn't either. When the police called her father's bluff and looked at her back everything went to hell. There were so many people asking her questions she didn't know where to begin. So many new people. Police officers. Paramedics. Even a social worker showed up. She heard that the social worker showed up in record time because of the situation. She couldn't help but groan. _

_Quinn hadn't been sure which weakness it was. If it was her exhaustion, her pain or her confusion, she didn't know. However, at one point she began to cry and the truth began to fall quietly out of her mouth. She had had no practice on saying what she said. It came out fragmented and almost unintelligibly. However, it had come out and now her parents were arrested. At least 10 strangers knew about her family and she was sitting in a paper gown at the hospital or at least she thought it was a hospital. It was a special center someone had said. There were pictures of animals on the walls. She hated animals. She sighed in defeat. She had just wanted to go for a walk. _

_She pulled at her gown. She should have protested more when they took her clothes. She saw the glances when she came out from behind the curtain as they were packing her clothes up. She had still been bleeding …. from after being with... her thoughts trailed off and she hoped that they thought she was on her period. _

"_Hello," a doctor said as they entered the room._

"_I don't want to be here. I don't need to be here. I'm fine," she hissed. _

"_You're not," the doctor said, "and that's why you're here." _

"_Go away. I'm a minor you can't be alone with me," she said._

"_Actually, I can but I can ask someone else to come in here with us," she offered in a kind voice, but Quinn couldn't hear the kindness through her own bitter wall. _

"_No," she hissed. "I don't need anyone else. I just want to leave." _

"_Can you tell me what happened?" _

"_Nope, because nothing happened," she snapped. _

_The woman sighed. "Okay, well, let's just start with your vitals. Can I listen to your heart and look in your ears and throat and nose?" _

"_No," Quinn stated simply. _

"_It's a routine exam and we can stop anytime you want. If there's nothing is wrong then this should go fast," the doctor stated. _

_Quinn frowned but didn't respond and someone how the woman took that as permission to approach her. _

"_Go away," Quinn snapped._

_The doctor looked her straight in the eye to the point where Quinn felt uncomfortable. No one had ever looked at her like that. The doctor wasn't angry. her eyes were honest and a strange brilliant shade of green. _

"_I can't imagine how hard this is, Quinn, and I know that this is just the beginning of something that could potentially and most likely will change your life in more ways than you know, but you will get through this," the woman stated kindly. _

"_Shut up," she snapped back. "Leave me alone." _

_The doctor stood up straighter and looked at Quinn heavily. "I know that you want to take it back, Quinn, but you can't. Nothing will go back to the way it was no matter how much you fight it." She started toward the door. "Let me know when you're ready. You can't leave until you have an exam. Plus, you're here for at least the night until CPS can place you. You're not going anywhere. Let us know when you're ready. Just ring the buzzer." _

The deflating of the blood pressure cuff brought her back to reality. She looked up and Shelby was giving her a small smile. That woman was supportive at all hours of the day and in all shapes and sizes. Quinn would hate it if she didn't need it so much.

"Alright, things look good," she stated. "I'm going to need you to change into this gown after I leave. I'm going to ask you a few routine questions." She didn't look up from the laptop that she was entering information in as she began to ask questions. "How many sexual partners have you had?"

Quinn felt a cold blanket of discomfort drape over her. She looked at Shelby. Why were they asking this?

"Two," she heard herself mutter.

"Date of your last period?"

Quinn couldn't remember. She shrugged. The woman still didn't look up.

"Do you remember the last time you had intercourse?"

Quinn could only shrug again. Of course she remembered. It wasn't going to be something she was ever going to forget.

"Could you be pregnant?"

"Okay," Shelby stated cutting the nurse off with a huff that Quinn knew she was pissed and meant business. "Can I speak to you outside, please?" Shelby asked.

"I'm not quite finished here," the nurse replied as she finally looked up from the computer.

"No, you are," Shelby stated quietly, indicating that she step outside.

The nurse looked at her with indignation.

"These are routine questions," the nurse said annoyed.

"I understand that, but Dr. Fernandez knew that we were coming. She should have informed you that is a sensitive case. Did you even read the file?"

The nurse sighed, knowing that she wasn't going to win with this woman. She nodded. "Alright. I'll let her know."

Shelby watched the young nurse walk away with a sigh. She understood that it wasn't the woman's fault but Quinn didn't need that crap right now. She sighed and headed back into the room.

"She was just doing her job," Quinn stated. "It's my fault that I was uncomfortable."

Shelby looked at her gently. "It's not your fault. Not in the least. She was brash with her questioning. Plus, there's no need to repeat it when the doctor will ask."

Quinn looked down at her gown. "... I'm going to change okay?"

Shelby nodded and pulled the curtain.

"Black Friday shopping was a bit insane," Shelby stated trying to talk about something casual.

"You don't strike me as the one that needs or wants to do Black Friday shopping," Quinn said behind the the curtain.

"It's more of a tradition. We don't really buy anything," Shelby said as she sat down in the chair.

"I don't get it," Quinn grumbled as she finished pulling on the gown but then couldn't tie it because of her stupid cast.

"I'll let you know when I get it," Shelby laughed.

Quinn chewed the inside of her lip. "Um... uh... "

"I was thinking that tying your gown might be hard with the angle," Shelby called. "Can I help?"

"Um... Please," Quinn sighed.

Shelby nonchalantly tied her gown. "You're doing great," she whispered as she kissed her softly on the cheek.

Quinn gave a nod because she couldn't look her in the eye. If she did, she would cry. The door opened and the doctor that came to the house came in.

"Hi, Quinn! Thanks for the wait," she smiled. She sat on the stool and opened the computer. I'm going to ask you some questions and then we can have a bit of talk okay?" She took a deep breath. "I received your test results," she said gently. "We'll clear this up."

The doctor began to ask Quinn a series of questions. She didn't want to answer them but caught herself staring at a freckle on the doctor's cheek and listening to her honest answers as they quietly exited her mouth. She couldn't look at Shelby as she answered questions about her period, or condoms, or pills, or the last time that she had sex. She had done so much with this woman. The woman had literally seen how deep her scars were, but still she couldn't look her in the eyes. Vulnerability sometimes required more humility than a person could offer. When it came time to do an exam, Quinn lay back and squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't need Shelby's kind eyes full of compassion and support. She didn't want that because she knew if she saw it she would cry. There was something about knowing that someone genuinely cared that broke something inside of her. Perhaps it was the reality that she has so long ago accepted, but she didn't know.

Quinn spread her legs and laid back as she attempted to pretend she was somewhere else.

She failed.

It hurt and it ached. She was uncomfortable and she couldn't stop the tears that were falling down her face.

She felt Shelby comb her hand over her forehead and into her hair and a sob escaped her lips.

"We're almost done, Quinn. A couple more minutes," the doctor said as Quinn tried to shut out the memories of her childhood.

After the longest couple minutes of her life, they were finished. The woman started to talk to her but she couldn't really hear anything. All she could focus on was the roughness of the paper that been draped over her. Why weren't things softer at the doctors office? She caught herself wondering. She felt a hand on her back and her eyes caught sight of Christmas decorations. She needed to get presents she suddenly thought with purpose. How would she be able to buy presents when she was grounded? She frowned again as her mind shifted over to the wonders of the specialty medical waste basket

"Quinn? Quinn?"

Quinn looked up and Shelby was staring at her, concerned.

"You can get dressed now."

Shelby pulled the curtain and Quinn wiped her face and got dressed in silence.

"I'm not stupid, you know," Quinn whispered. "I know what people say about me …. They read my chart and they think that they know me... They talk about me..."

"Sweetheart, people will always talk, you can't control that," Shelby said softly.

"That doesn't make me feel better," she mumbled. "I don't want their pity or yours. I just... I don't... I don't know."

She opened the curtain and pulled on her jacket.

"I... everything used to be about appearance and … it's hard to break that habit," she said with a shrug. "Especially when I can't …" she shook her head. "I don't know...I just I can't even pretend anymore. Everyone knows I was just a faker... They're talking about me as if i'm some bad cliche ..."

Shelby nodded piecing together what the young girl was trying to say. She pulled her into her arms and kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "You're so much more than what has happened to you, Quinn."

"You keep saying that but... I … But I'm not Quinn Fabray anymore. I'm just the girl who everyone thought they knew but didn't… I'm just... I'm moving in slow motion and I'm stuck all at once. Did …. Did the others feel like that? All this stuff... has happened... and I haven't even been with you for a long time. I'm... I …. don't feel the same. I don't feel like this is my life. "

"I guarantee it," she said holding her tightly. "Things hurt, Quinn. Thank you for coming and doing this. The doctor is right. You'll be fine if you take care of yourself and let me know if you feel any discomfort. You will always be Quinn to me. Figuring out who you are is a lifelong thing. I promise you though that it's not going to be this hard."

Quinn leaned into her embrace with a sigh.

…

Santana gave a heavy sigh. She didn't want to go and chat. She didn't want to talk about her feelings. Not one bit. She had been thankful that Quinn had returned from wherever she was and she was able to convince Quinn to go in and talk to Elyse as soon as Rachel got out. She almost had Noah agreeing to go in but then her grandmother starting making a batch of cookies and she lost her brother's attention. She was about to give an excused about food poisoning but her mother looked at her with a warning look that told her that there was no room for argument.

Her shoulders sagged and she walked into the room disgruntledly. She didn't think they were all that "severe" that they needed to talk to this woman as often as they did. Despite whether or not Friday was a regularly scheduled day, Santana didn't care; it was Black Friday. Apparently Elyse never took holidays.

She sighed and fell into a chair.

"Don't you ever take a day off?" Santana asked with a sigh as she sat down across from Elyse.

"Yes," she laughed. "I took yesterday off."

"Do you have other clients besides us?" Santana asked.

"Yes," Elyse said patiently. "I have a meeting this afternoon."

"And then you're taking the weekend off?" Santana said with a nod as if it were a demand.

"Yes, Santana," she stated. "What's with the interest in my off schedule?"

"It just feels like you have no life." She folded her arms more tightly. "Thanksgiving is a time to watch football. Do you like football?"

Elyse nodded again amused that Santana was asking so many questions about her. "I do. Why?"

"Because Detroit Lions and Dallas Cowboys played yesterday and I watched them" she stated. "I assumed you did too."

Elyse laughed. "Did you guys have your annual flag football playoff?"

Santana nodded. "Quinn didn't want to play and mom said that she couldn't because of her arm, but yeah, we did. It was fun."

"I didn't realize you were a big football person," she said.

Santana shrugged. "I'm not just a cheerleader."

"I didn't say you were."

"My brother used to play hockey, but he got more into football because he and my dad used to play catch a lot and watched football..." she trailed off.

"Your father wa a big football fan," she stated.

Santana nodded. "Yeah, we all used to watch until bedtime on Monday nights. Noah and I always fought tooth and nail to stay up."

Elyse smiled. "What else happened since the last time we talked?"

"Well," Santana began. "Rachel and Quinn and I all sleep together in the same bed. I know... it sounds weird but we all keep each other company... Um... my cousins are home. Quinn went to a doctors appointment and I don't know why. Rachel is okay I think …. She's quiet though. She and Quinn have an appointment with a court therapist next week..."

"How's school for you?"

"Quinn was pulled from school. Brittany has a big math project. Who does that? Math projects?" Santana thought more deeply about what happened since she last spoke with her. "Oh, and my mom and my aunt and Nana went on their annual insane shopping thing." She thought for another few moments and then lit up. "Noah played an amazing game last week. Scouts came and he really blew them out of the water. He ran 302 yards rushing 104 yards receiving a kickoff return for a touchdown and a punt return for a touchdown."

"That is impressive," Elyse nodded.

"It is. We're really hoping he makes the right choice for school," she said with a shrug and her arms still folded.

"Anything else going on with you?"

"Nope," she said quickly, straightening with a smile. "Am I done?"

"No," Elyse stated. "I'm going to ask you something and just go by instinct."

"I have a feeling that I don't really have a choice in this," she stated folding her arms even more tightly in front of her.

"How do you define yourself?"

"Ummm...I'm Noah's little sister... and … Quinn's sister...and I think her best friend, though neither one of us will admit it. Brittany's girlfriend,"she blushed. She sighed thoughtfully. "...And Rachel's..."

"Rachel's what?"

She shrugged. "Just Rachel's." She nodded with affirmation. She would always be Rachel's.

"Can I tell you something? An observation." Santana's patented glare graced her features. Elyse continued nonetheless. "You never talk about you," she stated simply. "You have to be prompted in that direction, guided even, but you never talk about you voluntarily."

"I don't need to," she said with a frown.

"This is therapy for you, Santana. Not therapy for everyone else."

"I'm fine," she said. "I'm dealing with everything just fine!"

"Everything?" Elyse asked.

"Yeah," she shrugged. "Everything."

"What's everything?" she asked.

"Everything with that bastard and at school," she said. "I'm handling everything just fine."

"What do you need to handle?"

Santana scowled. "I am not going to let some jackass at school who slaps my ass bother me. I dealt with it. I didn't fight… and I left school with Quinn." Elyse paused but Santana was too busy still shaking her head to notice. "Plus the trial is coming up and I'm handing it just fine. Don't let what my mom tells you make you think that I'm not. I was just tired."

"What do you mean?"

"When I sat at the table yesterday and I was thinking about the trial … I was fine, I was just thinking," she said quickly. "Just... thinking..."

Elyse nodded. No one had mentioned anything about Santana at the table.

Santana continued to go on. "I was just thinking."

"Okay," she said. "It's fine to just think."

"I was fine," she said again. "I'm fine."

Elyse looked at her. "Okay. So I can ask you a question then?"

"Yes, because I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine!' she said with a frown.

"What is happening at school?"

"They think that they know me," she hissed. "Because I slept around before, they think I still want to, I can handle it though. I'm fine."

"They think that you still want to sleep with them?" Elyse asked.

Santana frowned. "Some people think that I'm not really a um... that i really like girls for real... Like I'm faking it because I … I did...I slept around a lot before..."

"That shouldn't matter. No one should touch you if you don't want to be touched," Elyse said.

"Thanks, Mr. Rogers. Is that what you tell all the kids?" Santana snapped. "I'm fine! I can handle it! I'm strong. I know how to fight them."

"Watch the attitude Santana," Elyes said. "You shouldn't have to handle anything. What's happening to you is sexual harassment."

"Oh shut up!" Santana hissed. "Don't throw labels around like that making it something that it isn't."

"What is it, Santana?"

"It is nothing," she said. She became very quiet again.

After a few minutes of silence the therapist spoke again. "Santana, do you remember what happened to you?" Elyse was looking at her in a way that told Santana exactly what she was referring to.

Santana frowned as she crossed her arms tighter over her chest. "What kind of question is that? My crazy ass stepfather kidnapped us and raped my sister," she spat.

"Santana, that's not what I asked," Elyse said calmly.

"And he beat the shit out of all of us," she shrugged.

"Santana, do you remember what happened to you?" she asked again.

Santana became silent for a moment. "Of course, I do," she finally whispered.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Do I fucking look like I want to talk about it? You can't just bring that up," she snapped. "You can't just point things out that are sexual harassment that aren't and say that I'm some victim when I'm not."

"I never said you were a victim," Elyse said. "But what happened to you, Santana... What Hiram did was terrible. Just as terrible as what he did to Rachel."

"Shut up," Santana said standing up. "I don't want to talk about this. I'm leaving."

"Wait, no where are you going?" Shelby asked as Santana reached for the door and her mother came in.

Santana flew her hands up. "Mom, I'm fine. This is crap. This is all crap!"

"Santana, calm down," Shelby said gently cupping her face feeling like her daughter would explode at any moment. "Look at me. What's going on?"

"She's terrible," Santana said with a sigh looking at her mother and leaning into her touch. "I … I 'm fine... and she's telling me all this other crap."

Shelby didn't break Santana's gaze. "Okay, San. Can we all talk about this together? What do you mean?"

"She's saying that what's been happening at school is sexual harassment and then she brought up Hiram and then... I just... I'm fine, Mom. I promise it's not that. It's not that at all!"

"Let's sit down, San," she said. "You can have conversations with Elyse just like you talk with me."

Santana instantly remembered why she didn't talk to her mother about what was going on at school. "Um... nothing... I'm fine now. You can go now..." she muttered.

Elyse and Shelby exchanged a look. "Santana, what you told me before, I have to tell your mom."

"What? That's not fair," she hissed.

"Santana, what's happening at school?"

"Nothing," she said again. She rolled her eyes as they continued to look at her patiently. "I skipped school with Quinn, but you know that already."

"Why did you skip it?" Elyse said.

Santana glared at her icily as if could turn the woman to stone. "Because someone slapped my ass," she mumbled.

"What? Who did?" Shelby asked.

"Mom, it's no big deal. I can take care of myself." She pointed at the woman. "She thinks that that's sexual harassment."

"It is," Shelby said calmly.

"No, it's not," she hissed as she stood up. "It's not. It's not. That's not it!" Shelby and Elyse exchanged a look. "It's not what that is. Sexual harassment isn't comments or … a soft slap on the ass. It's not!" She put her hand on her chest. "I know. I know what it is! And what happens at school...it's not that. Not at all."

"Santana," Elyse said with a soft tone carefully. "Sexual harassment and assault are different things."

Santana's gaze snapped at the woman and she opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. She felt herself breathing hard. She didn't want to think about this. She didn't want to do any of this.

"I don't want to do this anymore," she mumbled. "Mom, I want to go."

"Santana, let's talk about this," Shelby said quietly.

"I don't want to," she said shaking her head.

"Okay," Shelby stated. "What do you want?"

"I want her to stop acting like what happened to Rachel happened to me too," Santana spit out. She looked at Elyse and at her mother. "It wasn't the same."

"I didn't say that what happened to Rachel happened to you," Elyse said cautiously. "I did say that it was just as terrible as what he did to Rachel."

"But it's not!" Santana spat. "It's not just as terrible at all... it is different …. it was completely different. I … I said yes..."

"Did you?" Elyse asked.

"I said yes because Rachel was in there and he would have done it to her if I didn't say yes..." she said quickly. She could barely feel the tears on her cheeks or the breaths aching to get out of her chest. She shook her head. "It … It's wasn't the same. He hurt her because I didn't say yes to everything..."

She was shaking. She was shaking and she couldn't see straight and it wasn't because of the tears. It was because of something else. She felt this blind rage that ached in her that she didn't know how to release.

Shelby saw her daughter beginning to feel anxious. She stood and pulled her into her arms, but Santana pushed her away.

"You think that too!" she realized. "You think that what happened to Rachel and ...Quinn is the same thing that … barely happened to me."

"Santana," Shelby stated quietly. "It was different but it was still terrible and hurtful." She agreed with Elyse.

"No, no," she shook her head. "That's not true." She stood up. "He went after her because I fought back too much... because of that one time I didn't say yes. How many times do I have to say this? I went into that damn room only five times and Rachel went every day." She was shaking. It wasn't the same. She could see that. "I've said this again and again and again."

"Santana, what's going on at school isn't okay," Elyse said again.

Shelby looked between the two suddenly realizing something new. "Sweetheart," she called "Santana, look at me." Santana did. "You blame yourself for what happened to Rachel."

"Of course I do!" she scolded. "Jesus!"

"Santana, when you started sleeping with those boys did you want to?" Shelby asked.

Santana scoffed with a shake of her head and she wiped your tears. "Are you serious? Are we really talking about this?"

Elyse and Shelby exchanged a look. "Did you want to? Did they force you?"

"No," she hissed. "Never."

"Why did you do it?"

"Why does anyone have sex?" she snapped "It feels good. I was with them because it was physical and it didn't matter!" She pointed her hand toward the door. "It will always feel good for me. It will be a BATTLE for it to feel good for them! I am fine! So if some dick slaps his hand on my ass then I can take it! I can take it!"

"Does it always feel good, Santana?" Elyse asked.

"Fuck you," she hissed barely above a whisper.

"Santana," Shelby said gently approaching her daughter. "What …. Did you ever feel like you needed to punish yourself... to hurt as badly as Rachel? …. or as Quinn?"

"What?" Santana barked. "No...I'm fine. What's going on at school is nothing."

"Santana, it's not fine," Shelby said. "Look at me, San."

Santana bit her lip and looked at her mother. She folded her arms across her chest. "I'm scared, Mumma...I can't let her down again."

"Sweetheart, you never did. She thought of you when she was with Will."

Santana frowned. "What?" she scoffed. "While I was outside running practice she was inside getting raped."

"She got away from him because you told her to go for the eyes," Shelby told her daughter softly.

"I know she told me … but it doesn't matter... she shouldn't have had to fight back," Santana said shaking her head and sitting in the lounge chair in the corner.

Shelby knelt in front of her. "But she did, San, she did because you taught her how to fight back and it saved her."

Santana searched Shelby's eyes. Had it? Had it saved her?

"No, no... she did... that... she..."

"You taught her, Santana," she said softly kissing her on the head. "All you."

Santana shook her head and felt a sob escaped her lips. She shook her head rapidly. "I'm fine, Mumma... I'm fine... " Her tears flowed. "It was never me."

"Santana, what happened to you was bad too. It was terrible and I need you to understand that. Maybe not today but eventually," she said. "allowing other bad things happen to you isn't going to make things better. I promise you."

"I'm fine," was all Santana could whisper. Shelby pulled her into her arms. "I'm fine."

Even though she said it, they all knew that she wasn't.

….

The family all gathered outside. The backyard of the Corcorans was so picturesque, Quinn admitted to herself. She just never really noticed. They were all dressed in the same colored shirts and were trying to coordinate with the photographer whose name Quinn believed was Lars.

"Alright, everyone we'll do the big group picture first and then we'll try to split off into smaller family units."

The man was giving directions to everyone and Quinn let herself get lost in thought. She had been barely given an opportunity to protest about being in the picture. However, as much as she didn't feel that she deserved to be in it, a piece of her really wanted to. She was proud to be in the picture.

"Alright, Dexter move a little to the left and Joey move over to the right. Santana, stop messing with your hair. Okay lean in. Everyone look at the lense. Okay. Smile."

It went on like that for about twenty minutes. Shifting, rearranging, smiling was all they did. Finally, it was their turn. It was the Corcorans turn. Quinn felt a strange flutter in her belly as she stood patiently with her hands on Rachel's shoulders. Santana stood next to her with Shelby next to her and then Noah behind all of them. Quinn couldn't help but feel misplaced. There was something that felt familiar about this that she couldn't put her finger on.

"Alright, smile on three."

_Quinn smoothed out her dress. _

"_Stand up straight, Quinn," her mother barked. _

_The seven year old smoothed out her dress again and stood up straight. Her father leaned forward and sandwiched her head between his cheeks.  
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"_Smile and be grateful," he hissed. _

"_Yes, sir," she said with a nod. _

"_Alright smile on three," the photographer called. _

_Perfection and grace. That's what they were trying to capture. _

_Quinn felt a deep pinch in her arm as she looked over and her sister Frannie was looking down at her with a grin. Her arm ached and she turned and glared at her sister who only pinched her harder and deeper causing her to elicit a small cry. _

"_Quinn!" her father scolded. _

_The seven year old looked at her sister but licked her lips and attempted to control her tears. Her father smiled a kind smile and asked, "Can you give us a moment?" _

"_Absolutely," the photographer nodded as he stepped out of the room. "I'll just be down the hall."_

_Quinn watched as the photographer left the room and they all waited for a few moments until they heard the door down the hall shut. Quinn visibly gulped as her father turned and glared at her. _

"_Come here," he hissed barely above a whisper. She looked at her sister and then back at him. _

"_I … I didn't...I didn't mean to..." she whispered. _

_Her father yanked her over to him and shook her by her arm. "What the hell is wrong with you?"_

_His voice wasn't loud. It was barely below his regular tone. _

"_I... I..." _

"_Bend over, Quinn," he spat. "Judy hold her." Her father flipped up her lavender dress and pulled down her underwear and tights. "Not a sound, Quinn." _

_Quinn felt as her mother held her forward with one hand and covered her mouth with the other. She received ten lashings for the cry that she let release when her sister pinched her. After the lashings, Quinn couldn't avoid the dull ache. Her father yelled at her about needing to smile once more and then they all returned to their spots. _

_The photographer came back into the room and her eyes were wiped. _

"_We're ready," Russell smiled. _

The photographer had praised them and their family's photogenic nature, Quinn remembered. However, the result always haunted her. Everyone said it was such a lovely family photo, but Quinn could see the tears in her eyes.

Rachel leaned back against her and Quinn felt herself smile a little. She wouldn't cry for this photo no matter how many times she was pinched. A hand slipped into hers and she smiled knowing it was Shelby's. She smiled and laughed.

The photographer then told the four kids to get together per Shelby's request. Santana pulled Rachel onto her back and Noah pulled Quinn on to his and the four of them laughed as the photographer attempted to keep up with them as they keep changing into different positions. The photographer had the patience of a saint in Quinn's opinion as Santana and Noah continued to come up with outrageous poses. Nevertheless, there was a piece of Quinn that felt more home than she ever felt in that moment. That piece didn't question her place. It didn't question anything. It just knew that everything would be okay just in that moment. And she was so thankful because she had the photographs to prove it.

….

By the time the long weekend ended, the loud house was still loud. However, Monday brought with it the appointments with the court appointed psychologist. Quinn remembered that during more of her session with Elyse on Friday they talked about how shutting this person out wouldn't do any good to the case. Nevertheless, it didn't make her anxiety over the appointment any easier and she could see by Rachel's face that she was feeling the same way.

Quinn was first. She always was. She made sure to go in with her head held high so that Rachel didn't know she was scared. It wouldn't help if they were all scared.

A man was sitting in a brightly lit room waiting for her as she entered.

"Hello," he smiled.

"Why are you smiling?" she asked. "Are you looking forward to this?"

"Maybe not looking forward to it," he stated. "But did you want me to greet you by scowling?"

"I guess not," she muttered. "So what are you going to ask me?"

"Do you know why you're here?"

"To see if I'm fit to testify," she said.

"Do you think you are?"

"I'm not insane," she fired back.

"I didn't say that you were," he replied.

"A lot has just happened and they think that it would be too much for my sister and me," she said with a shrug. She watched as he wrote something down. "I call her my sister because I want to not because anyone is making me. They are more my family than my blood family was. Ever."

"Tell me about yourself," he began.

"Why? Don't you want to know about Schuester?"

"No," he said. "At least not yet. This is about you."

"My name is Quinn and I'm sixteen."

"How long have you been living with the Corcorans?"

"Since... um... since the end of September... after I was taken from my parents' home." She frowned. "I lived in a group home for a little while... but they didn't like me because I set off the fire alarm and as people were running out I turned on the backyard sprinklers."

"Did you think that was funny?" he asked.

"Sorta of," she replied. "But I knew it was wrong because I knew if I did that I would be sent away. I didn't want to stay there anymore."

"Why?"

"Have you ever stayed in a house full of girls?" she asked.

"Touche," he smiled. "Are you happy with the Corcorans?"

"Yeah, really happy," she said quietly "They're like the one perfect imperfect thing. You know?" She bit her lip. "When Rachel comes in here, don't make her cry, okay? She's tired and... Just don't."

"Okay. I will try my best. It's never a goal of mine of making people cry," he stated.

"Okay..."

"Quinn, do you think you're alright to testify?"

"I'm not professionally qualified to make that assessment. That's your job."

"But I'm asking you what you think," he pushed.

"I think that I'm... fine... but I'm scared of what they'll say about me," she whispered.

"What do you think they'll say?"

"That's none of your business."

"Okay," he nodded. "Can we talk about your father?"

"No," she said sharply. "We can't talk about my mother either... Well, Judy, I mean. We can talk about Shelby if you want to."

"Okay, tell me about her."

"She has the patience of a saint," she muttered. "She's great. and she's put up with me for so long."

"Are you a lot to put up with?"

"Yeah," she shrugged. "What is it that you really want to ask me about? Can you just ask it so that I can leave? I know that my testimony is important. It's important because Rachel can't remember," she began to ramble. "I …. I need to be in there. If Rachel passes this … test or whatever it is... and I don't... you need to fake it and pass me too."

"Why?"

"Because she needs me in there."

"Even though it'll be hard for you?"

"It'll always be hard for me," she said honestly.

"Well tell me more about what's hard for you."

"Why?"

"Because I think it'll help me get to know you a little better."

"This is Rachel's case you don't need to get to know me."

"Yes, I do," he pushed.

"No, you really don't."

"This is your case too. there are charges that he is facing against you."

"Like what?" she spat.

"Aggravated assault. Sexual harassment. Attempted rape-"

"I think you have it wrong," she said standing up.

"I do?"

"Yeah," she said. "Listen, I'm in here because of Rachel. Don't make her cry. I will tell you what I saw. I went to confront him and her stuff was on the floor. I went and looked for her. I was calling her name and I saw her underwear under his desk. When I got to the room he was buttoning up his shirt... Yeah... he pushed me up against the wall and he was... he was saying stuff... but I pushed him off of me and went to find Rachel."

"What kinds of things?"

"Sick things," she spat. She rethought back to that moment. "He said um... "

_"You're not going anywhere, Quinn," he laughed. He shook his head with a cackle. He put his body in front of her to stop her. "I heard all about the fun you and Daddy had," he said with a smile as he stroked her cheek. She flinched away, but he grabbed the back her neck. He brought her face close to his and she tried to pull away. "You're going to ruin that family. You already have. Rachel's so damaged and they're going to look at you as the cause of that. They'll split the whole family up if you tell anyone. I won't tell anyone about this if you give me what I want. I can't ruin everything for you. You must keep this quiet. You owe me now. You owe me for silence." She looked up at him realizing that's how he must have threatened Rachel. He threatened to take her away. He leaned closer to her with a smile. "I will fuck you like your Daddy did," he hissed. She let out a sob as he pushed her against the wall. Her father used to be rough with her. She felt like she was a helpless child again. She felt stuck. He grinned in satisfaction. "You're a woman. I can't wait to feel you. Rachel struggled and cried too much and didn't even get wet," he taunted._

"Quinn?"

"He admitted it..." she said suddenly. "He said... that Rachel struggled and cried too much and didn't even get wet...and then he said.. um... that he would uh... 'fuck my like my dad did.'" She wiped away her tears frantically. "Are we done here?"

"Are you?"

"Yes," she replied.

He nodded. "Thanks for coming in."

"Whatever."

….

Rachel bit her lip and looked at her hands. They were very small. She had volunteered once at a literacy program and the child she was matched up with had the same size hands as she did. He was four... She had been 10 at the time. She frowned. She much had changed since last year.

"Rachel?"

She looked up at the man with the kind eyes. He reminded Rachel over her brother and sisters' friend, Mike. She knew that he was Asian. She wasn't sure what area he was from. She was humble enough to admit that growing up in Lima, Ohio, didn't make it easy for her to identify the difference between different countries in the vastly diverse continent. She felt ashamed of that.

"Rachel?"

"What?" she asked jumping slightly. She frowned. She couldn't learn if she didn't ask. "What is your ethnicity?"

The man smiled. "I'm Korean," he smiled.

"Do you live in Lima?"

He shook his head. "No, I live in Cleveland."

"Oh," she stated. "I was just wondering. I don't mean to offend you. Ethnicity or race shouldn't matter. I was curious because the continent of Asia is so diverse and people are quick to categorize all Asians into one ethnicity."

The man smiled. "I appreciate that, Rachel. Can I ask you what your ethnicity is?"

"Absolutely," she stated. "I'm … hmmm... My dad's parents were from... Puerto Rico and my mother's parents are...European... but Nana's parents were Jewish immigrants from the World War 1 and my dad's parents parents parents came here earlier than that around the Spanish American War at the turn of the century."

The man smiled, impressed. "You know a lot about your family?"

"I did a project on our heritage for my new teacher recently..." she frowned. "It's... It's good to know your past," she whispered. She sighed and looked at her hands again.

"Rachel," he began. "Do you know why you're here?"

She continued to look at her hands. "Yes," she whispered after a beat. He opened his mouth to speak but she stopped him by beginning to speak again. "Have you ever seen The Lion King?"

"Yes, it's one of my favorite movies," he smiled.

Rachel smiled back. "It's based on Hamlet, you know?"

"Maybe, but still, it's a great movie."

"That's based on Hamlet," she pointed out again.

"You're a very smart girl, Rachel," he stated.

"I know," she muttered. "Well, I'm asking you because... well, remember what Rafaki says to Simba?"

"Which time?"

"When he hit him with his walking stick," Rachel said.

The man nodded as he remembered. "When he tells Simba that even though the past can hurt you can even run from the past or learn from it."

Rachel nodded. "do you believe that?"

"I think it's different for every circumstance and every person," he said. "Rarely are things that simple."

Rachel chewed her lip. "My first grade teacher told my mom that I learn differently from other people."

"How so?"

"I …. I don't know. I take lessons and manage to follow instructions but still do it wrong." she looked candidly at the man. "I know why I'm here... andI know... that this isn't what we're supposed to talk about but... I just... I didn't learn the right lesson from my past... because I …. I didn't want to be scared of everyone..." she looked at her hands. "If I followed my instincts... I … I would never leave the house. Do you ever feel that way? Like you have to... do what's wrong for you to prove yourself right and everyone wrong?"

"Sort of," he answered. "Did you know what Mr. Schuester was doing was wrong?"

"I … I know now," she murmured. She shook her head. "It's hard to understand... It's hard to explain."

"He was my only friend," she whispered. "Everything seems... clearer... now that it's happened, but in that moment...I didn't think that about him... I didn't know that a person you knew could do something like that. I thought... Monsters... were monsters and you knew it... and good men …. were good men..." Rachel sighed. "My brother and sisters aren't the nicest people when you first get to know them... They're kinda like Venus Fly Traps and snap at you at first contact...But I know them and they're just guarded... They're such good people deep down...I understood that... behind hard on the outside and soft on the inside." She sighed. "I guess... I just... I didn't realize you could be the opposite too." She paused for a few minutes and then looked up. "You know?"

He nodded. "I do." He leaned forward. "Rachel, what do you remember about your last time with Mr. Schuester?"

The tiny girl squeezed her eyes shut. "I um... " She felt her breath in her chest get caught in the web of her anxiety. "I um … I get a little confused when I remember things about him."

"What do you get confused about?" he asked.

"I …. I remember stuff... like... I smell old diapers and get a strange feeling in my stomach like when you go over a hill too fast. I then... I remember the beeping noises in the hospital and... these beads I used to carry around. It was a bracelet my big sister gave me." She frowned. "I remember things weird like that."

The man nodded and wrote a something down. "But what do you remember with Mr. Schuester?"

Rachel took a deep breath. Breathe, she told herself. "He... he was standing in front of me...and...He... He told me I had an accident and that I needed to take off …. my...my underwear... but I didn't …. so he took them off for me and then he … pushed me down onto the desk...or maybe a wall...Wait, I think that was later...Things are kinda fuzzy there... Everything... everything happened so fast... and I … I was remembering other things too... I just... I know that …. he came after me... and was on top of me on the desk.. and then …. against the wall... and then on the floor... but I don't remember who I ….. how we got from one place to the next..."

"Can you tell me what else you remember?"

"I... he …. he touched me... from behind when i was over the desk and …. something was inside of me... you know..." she felt tears trail down her cheeks. "I...I … I … I don't remember what he put inside... I just know that he did...because it hurt … a lot...I couldn't see..." She took a deep breath. "I don't... I don't know how to help you."

"You're doing a great job, Rachel."

"No, I'm not," she muttered.

….

Brittany leaned back into Santana as they lay on the couch surfing through the channels.

"Your mom was really nice to let me come over," Brittany said leaning up for a kiss.

Santana leaned down and met her lips and smiled slightly. "Don't thank me yet. She's just here to talk to your mom about how she's going to pull me out from McKinley."

"What? Why?" Brittany asked.

"Because of that tap on the ass," Santana mumbled.

"Well, good," Brittany stated. "I don't want you to continued to get harassed like that."

"That's not harassment," she said quickly.

"It is," she replied.

Santana shook her head not wanting to argue.

"You don't have to prove anything to me, you know?" Brittany said taking the brunette's hand. "You don't have to pretend to be so tough." She kissed her nose softly. "I mean seriously. You are pretty great all by yourself."

Santana shook her head and smiled as she pulled Brittany back into her arms. "You're the greatest all by yourself."

Brittany pushed back against her and Santana hugged her close. They paused for a moment as they looked into each other's eyes. Santana suddenly felt oddly vulnerable and so she did they only thing she knew how to do. She reached up and pulled Brittany into a searing kiss. Brittany in turn pulled her closer and in that moment she knew that this was more than a kiss or an act of desperation. There was something there that the two of them had never truly explored before: Lust.

"Get a room," Quinn said as she passed through the living room. "You're in a communal space."

Santana pulled away and sat up abruptly. What was that? She felt herself get caught in her thoughts.

"Um..." Brittany began.

"We shouldn't do that in the living room," Santana whispered.

"Mom won't let the two of you be alone upstairs if she catches you doing that," Quinn said passing through again.

"Jealous, Q?"

"Eww," Quinn replied. "I don't want to make out with either one of you."

"Either one of whom?" Rachel asked sitting next to Quinn.

"Forget it," Santana muttered as the mothers came into the room.

"Santana, let's talk about some stuff."

Shelby, Brittany and Brittany's mother, Valerie, sat quietly in the kitchen. They began to talk about taking Santana out of school and the reality of what that meant. However, Santana wasn't there to listen. She couldn't focus at all. Something was eating at her and she couldn't put her finger on it. Her mother had been so careful and gentle with her since the session on Friday. She even allowed Brittany to come over but Santana needed to fix something but she wasn't completely sure what it was.

She could tell that Brittany could tell she was elsewhere because when the blonde finally left she held her in a hug for a few minutes longer than normal as if to try to bring her back to reality. Santana seemed to wake up from her stupor for a few minutes because she kissed Brittany lightly on the cheek and said that she was fine and that she would talk to her later.

Brittany's mother decided that Brittany would remain at McKinley for the time being even though Santana was being pulled out. Santana felt a lot of things for Brittany but she never felt worry. She knew in her heart that Brittany would be fine and that Valerie Pierce would make sure of it. It was a crusade that Shelby was more than willing to pass on.

"San?" Shelby asked putting her hand on her daughter's back. "You alright?"

"I'm fine," she said quietly.

"You wanna come and talk about it with me?" Shelby asked.

"No," Santana said quietly. "I don't want to talk."

"Okay," Shelby said cautiously. "Are you upset that I'm pulling you from school?"

"No," she said quickly.

"Are you upset that Brittany had to leave?" Shelby guessed.

"No," she said again just as quickly.

"Santana, what's going on?"

"Nothing," she mumbled. "I just feel …. very full..."

"Okay," Shelby nodded. "You and I can go for a run later if you'd like."

Santana nodded. "Okay," she shrugged.

Throughout this whole conversation she couldn't meet her mother's eyes. There was something that was simmering in head. Something that she had to fix that she couldn't put her finger on.

She gave a heavy sigh. "I'm fine, Mom," she said with more strength. "Seriously."

"Okay," Shelby said doubtfully but kissing her softly on the forehead. "I'm going to work on dinner. Stay downstairs with your sisters please."

Santana sat heavily on the couch. Rachel was asleep next to Quinn and Quinn was still idly watching the program on the history channel that Rachel was watching.

"I like the holidays," Quinn muttered. "Mom kind of keeps forgetting that we're grounded."

"Don't push it," Shelby called from another room.

"She also has hearing of a bat," the blonde sighed. "So you and Brittany were making out on the couch in the living room... that's kinda nice..."

Santana didn't reply.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine," she muttered.

"If you say you're fine one more time, I'm going to punch you into next Tuesday," Quinn said simply.

"Well, who's the violent one now?" Santana scoffed She sighed deeply. "I think that I want to go further with Brittany..."

"Because you genuinely want to or because you're afraid you have nothing else to offer."

"Well, you cut straight to the chase there... Thanks..." she grumbled.

"I know you're only thinking that you have to do that because you're feeling out of control," Quinn said quietly. "It's like a drug that you have to take, except it's not an actual drug. You either have to have sex with people or you have to fix people. It's your thing."

Santana narrowed her eyes and looked at her with a frown. "That's not true."

"Really? It's not?"

Santana turned away. "Whatever..."

"Santana, come back," Quinn called as the brunette stood and started to walk out of the room.

"It's fine, Quinn," she muttered.

"Come back here, please," Quinn called out. "I would chase after you but Rachel would wake up. Come here for a second."

Santana rolled her eyes and sat back down. "What?"

"You can't be mad at me."

"Why not?"

"Because even though you're doing that standoffish thing that you do, San, doesn't mean that you have to push me out," Quinn replied. "You don't have to offer sex or fix someone to be you."

Santana rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"I'll tell you a secret," Quinn offered.

"Go for it," Santana replied.

"I admired you for a long time," the blonde said quietly.

"Why?"

"Because you never backed down from a fight no matter how stupid of a fight it was," she replied. "And... you picked yourself up when you could have just laid on the floor."

Santana looked at her for a moment. "When was that?"

"When wasn't it?" she countered.

They looked at each other or a moment. Each of them wasn't sure what to say. "Santana, you're a lot more than who you think that you are. You just … never give yourself a chance. Brittany makes you happy. You're just afraid of being happy because you're afraid that the other shoe will drop."

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because you've been looking like a lost toddler in Wal-Mart for the last three days," she said with a smile nudging her shoulder.

"Was not," she replied.

"Are you kidding me?" Quinn asked. "It was like living with zombie-Santana. Rachel put candy in your pockets and you didn't even notice."

Santana reached into her pocket and pulled out a handful of fruit snacks. "This isn't candy."

"Whatever. Rachel calls it candy." Quinn shrugged. "Listen …. I don't know what's wrong... but you need to try to figure out it, Santana."

"Isn't this the pot calling the kettle black?" she scoffed.

"I don't get catatonic like you do. You're starting to freak me out," she smile softly. "Just try okay?"

Santana nodded. "Sure..."

….

After dinner when Shelby went to go run with her daughter, she couldn't find her. Before she could ask, her question was answered.

"Why does Santana get to go in the tree house before it's finished?" Rachel asked.

Shelby stared out the window with a heavy sigh.

"Because she was able to climb it without permission," Shelby said turning to her youngest.

"At least it's not the roof," Quinn pointed out.

"Very true," she nodded. "How are the cards coming?"

"Do we have to sign our names on all of them?" Noah asked.

"Would it make sense to only sign your names on a couple of them? These are holiday cards. Try to show a little more enthusiasm."

"Let me go talk to her," Joey said quietly.

"I don't think she wants to talk, Jo," Shelby stated.

"Let me try."

Shelby watched from the window as Joey carefully made her way into the tree house that was still under construction.

"Mom, Noah is signing his name Puck. Do we have to redo those cards?" Rachel whined.

Shelby sighed and sat the table. "Noah, do we need to make this harder than it is?"

….

Santana arched her brow as Joey climbed ungracefully into the tree house.

"You don't need to come and check on me."

"Really? It's freezing and November and you're sitting in a tree. What are you doing up here anyway?"

"Thinking."

"About?"

"Nothing."

"Thinking about nothing. That's original, San."

They continued to sit in silence for a few moments and Joey was ready to throw in the towel and head inside.

"Do you think what happened to me was the same as what happened to Rachel?" Santana asked suddenly.

Joey looked at her for a moment and realized she couldn't remember one time when Santana had asked her about about this.

"No," she said firmly. Santana searched her eyes. "And yes," she said in the same tone.

"Well, which is it?"

"San, are you really looking for such specific answers after all these years?" she asked. "It's not that simple and you know that?"

Santana shook her head. "I guess …" she mumbled.

Joey looked at her for a moment. "Santana, what happened with you was a lot more different but it was the same too..."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," she mumbled.

Joey moved over to the side of the tree house where Santana was sitting and sat next to her. "Okay." She looked at her for a moment before looking away again. "But we will, Santana, we will talk about this. We're not going to let you pretend it didn't happen anymore."

Santana leaned into her side. "Fine," she mumbled.

**Sorry for the wait and thank you for your patience. Please let me know what you think. **


	59. Chapter 59

gleefanficfan – Sorry for the delay. Work has been a little crazy and got a little in the way, plus a visit from mom, but I am back – I hope it was worth the wait. Thank you for your patience and your review.

Scout88 – Wow 2 reviews! Thank you so much. Quinn is making nice memories with the Corcorans – she has been through so much and unfortunately she has to relearn even the basic things. Noah will be more responsible when picking out a college. You will see who and how they will testify in the trial but it will be hard either way. I am so happy that you can picture the Corcorans as older because maybe you will enjoy the sequel that I have planned. Thanks again for the reviews.

cabotbensonnovak4evr – thank you so much for the review and your patience.

UnicornsAndRainbows20089 – Here it is – thanks for waiting. And the constant state of grounding is addressed.

Guest – Wow – sorry about that – I hope you got your rest. Thank you for sticking with the story.

thelastcenturian – Thanks for catching up! Thank you for the review.

Tappers – Sorry if you think Shelby is overbearing – she is doing it to protect Quinn – so far Quinn has been being very self destructive when she is left on her own and as a parent Shelby cannot trust her right now. But you are correct Quinn may blow sometime soon. Thanks for your review.

OTHangels – Thank you

NayaFan – Thank you so much for your reviews. I am humbled by your praise. I sometimes do worry about the pace of the story but sometimes I feel the need to put in scenes and not overlook things I think are important. So thank you so much for letting me know the pace is good. So many reviews – I am so glad that you are enjoying this story. But please remember to sleep! I love writing little Santana and little Rachel.

Thewaspscankles – Thank you so much for your understanding with my updates. Sometimes life does get in the way and I want to write so badly but I either don't have the time or I do but I don't have the focus, so thank you for your understanding. And yes I did understand your review. Keep them coming.

alopez208 – I personally hate the long time before the updates but I am a bit of a perfectionist and I will not put an update out there if I don't think it is up to par. I hope you enjoy this one. Thank you for your review.

Lolathe17th – Quinn is progressing but she will indeed have setbacks because it is inevitable with the trial coming up. I am glad you are also enjoying the lighter side of things. Sometimes those are harder to write. Thank you for your review.

Sarah11650 – I am glad you do! Me too! Thanks for the review.

sleaglee – Sorry for the wait. Hope you like it – Thanks for the review.

Ryoko05- Thank you so much for the review. I hope you like this chapter.

Guest - I hope you like the Christmas chapter too. The kids all have such different emotions for the same situations and I am so glad that you think I capture them correctly. I appreciate your review.

Renata – Hi Ms Brazil. Bear will be in it soon enough. There is a big trial coming up and he is definitely around for the holidays. I am not sure any of the kids are reaching closure yet. They have come so far but they still have so much further to go. Thank you so much for calling my work amazing. I am so happy you are still enjoying it.

Abbie – I am not a fan of doctors offices but I will say that I tolerate them better than one of my beta's does. She can barely go – Shelby is a super woman but she does have cracks she just doesn't show them very much. Thanks for the review.

Cookie07 – Sex for Santana and all the girls is VERY confusing. She slept with the boys for a number of reasons and while the first time was uncomfortable there were other times when her body enjoyed the experience if you know what I mean. They will all continue to work on their sexual experiences so they can move forward. Thank you for the review.

JWilson18 – The holidays will be a mixture of fun and confusion for some. Thank you so much for the review.

blueashke Santana's issues with be addressed more and more. She has not really addressed everything and it will start to come out more and more. Thank you for your review.

marinka4 – The trial is right around the corner and is going to create a lot of angst. Will they survive it ….that will be the question. Thank you for reviewing.

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for the cookies – the trial will be tough for all. Thank you for reviewing.

croque – So glad you reviewed.

TommyH – as always – thank you for the review and I am glad you love Noah and Rachel.

**A/N: I can't say sorry enough for the delay. It's shorter than I anticipated. I didn't get to the holidays. I'm sorry. I hope you like it. **

**Chapter 59 **

Santana twirled her fork in her hand as she picked at her breakfast. She wasn't in her uniform. She wasn't going to be head cheerleader anymore. She wasn't going to have control of the school or feel that surge of adrenaline. She stared down at her food. Shouldn't she be more upset? She hated that she didn't care more. She should care shouldn't she?

"Santana, don't pick at your food," Shelby called from across the room.

"I'm not," she lied.

"Who do you think she'll make head cheerleader now that we don't go there anymore?" Santana asked Quinn who was sketching in her notebook more than eating her food.

"What?"

"Cheerios," Santana said annoyed.

"Gimme a break," Quinn said with a sigh as she reached to take a drink of her juice. "You and I never cared about Cheerios. It was just a substitute, a distraction. You care about winning and you care about the power but you don't really care about Cheerios. You just liked it because it came in with built-in friends."

"Being apart of something special, makes you special," Rachel said simply as if it were a common saying. She looked at her sister expectantly, waiting for her to agree on the philosophy as she ate a bite of toast.

Santana rolled her eyes.

Noah reached for his jacket. "So … am I grounded or can I drive myself to school? I can't really remember."

"You and what car?" Joey asked.

"Why isn't he getting pulled from school?" Rachel asked. "If it's dangerous for the girls isn't it dangerous for him? Mumma, that's sexism," Rachel said with a tiny glare of disapproval.

"It's not dangerous for us," Santana said slightly offended as she finally soaked in Rachel's words and realized that her brother was still at McKinley.

"But I thought," Rachel began.

"Why would you think that?" Quinn interjected.

"I'm fine at school, bug. I actually stay in it," Noah said simultaneously.

"But seriously, I don't get it," Rachel stated interrupting the conversation. "Why isn't he pulled from school?"

"Something to think about, Noah. You and I need to take a trip to look at schools." Shelby said with a nod of her head as she talked over the kids.

"He has football, Rach," Quinn said quietly. "He needs organized aggression. Plus he needs to get into a school."

"Hey!" Noah said with a frown. He turned to his mother with a sigh. "Rachel, already decided. I'm going to Penn State."

"Well, that's ironic," Joey scoffed only to have Shelby hit her in the gut.

"What is?" Rachel asked.

"Nothing," Shelby stated, glaring at Joey before she turned back to her son. "Noah, you're not going to Penn State because their football program is suspended. Do you mean U Penn?"

"Yeah...I guess," he muttered. "Whatever really."

"I'll take you to school. Let's go," Joey called as she walked out of the house.

"Have you ever wondered if three out of the four of us were pulled from school that it's not the school's fault, that maybe it's us?" Quinn asked with a frown.

Rachel looked up at her and then over at Santana and then their mother for a sure answer.

"It's not us," Shelby said simply. Santana and Quinn arched their brows. "Okay, it might be but you're not doing anything wrong. Girls, eat up. Holly will be here any minute."

"But why?" Rachel asked.

"Why what?" Shelby asked. The girls were still looking at her patiently. "I need you all to concentrate and you couldn't at your school and both Quinn and San have a little problem staying put in school. Now finish up. Elyse will also be coming over too. I expect a productive time with Holly."

"Why?" Santana asked.

"Because you have an appointment," Shelby said. "Enough with the questions, girls. Finish up."

A few hours later, Shelby was watching the girls from the kitchen as they worked with Holly when there was a knock at the back door. She turned and opened the door for Elyse.

"Hi," she smiled. "They're just finishing up."

"Are they behaving themselves?" Elyse asked with a chuckle

"For the most part, but Sugar isn't here today. She's home with the flu. So that might be a part of it," Shelby smiled.

"So I talked with Alicia and I received a copy of the report from the court-appointed therapist," Elyse said quietly.

"And?"

"Quinn most likely will be testifying. I think it'll be tough because they're going to try to discredit her... and I'm not sure how. Rachel will have a hard time on the stand either way. I know that Alicia is coming over but I think there is only so much I can help these girls prepare for this trial. We might just simply need to focus on damage control," she said honestly. "We're very limited on what we can do to prepare them. It's going to be hard. Unquestionably. I have no doubt that they're going to have a hard time."

"Yeah," Shelby sighed and combed her hand through her hair, trying her best not to let her skin crawl with that feeling that had been lingering for days: Dread. "Okay. Do you have any other concerns?"

"Always do," she said with a smile. "What else are you worried about?"

"Well, the holidays of course. Santana bites like she's a starved anaconda. It was her father's favorite holiday. She tries to make it really special for Rachel. Beware. Plus now that I've pulled her from school, beware."

The woman laughed. "Good to know."

"What are you doing here?" Rachel asked as she walked into the room.

"Why else would she be here?" Santana asked with a frown.

"Santana, please be the child I love," Shelby stated as she reached out and absently kissed Quinn on the top of her head. "Did you have a good session with Holly?"

Rachel nodded and leaned back against Santana. "I like having you here," she whispered.

Santana gave a small smile and pulled Rachel close, kissing her softly on the temple, but not responding.

Elyse felt the slight tension in the room. "Okay," she smiled. "Who's first?"

…

Rachel watched Santana carefully as she came out of the study. Santana had actually consented to going first and she came out very quietly. For her entire life, Rachel had known that Santana's faroff silence usually meant that Santana's thoughts were so loud she had to listen to them. She frowned. Santana wasn't crazy. She made a mental note never to tell anyone that her sister's thoughts were so loud that she sometimes became silence.

Quinn stood from Rachel's side and went into the study. Rachel sat closer to Santana as the older girl sat down heavily on the couch.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked quietly.

Santana looked at her, slightly startled as if she hadn't seen her there. "Nothing," she laughed awkwardly.

"You seem far away," Rachel said with a bite of her lip. "That usually means you're in your head because something is wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," Santana said with a weak smile. She turned and locked eyes with Rachel. "Honestly."

"Liar," Rachel sighed looking down at her hands. "I … wish..."

"You wish what?" Santana asked.

"I wish we could talk how we used to," she muttered. "... I think ….. I wish that you would believe that we'll be okay."

"We are okay, Rachel," she said with a frown and a slight shake of her head. "You're safe. I'm safe. We're... We're just fine. I will never let anything happen to you."

"That's not your job," she said quietly squinting her eyes with a heavy sigh. Santana searched Rachel's face Rachel's entire body seemed to radiate with careful, pensive preparation.. "I …. I think …. I believe that we can live happily ever after." She looked up sharply at Santana. "I know … I know you don't believe that, but...I think we can be okay if we try." She balled her fists and hit her thighs with them. "We have to try."

Santana frowned and took Rachel's fists in her hands. She kissed them softly. "I promise we will try."

Rachel shifted on the couch and turned to look at her with pleading eyes. "You have to mean that. You have to mean that with every fiber of your being," Rachel said with slow annunciation as her voice dripped with desperate need and wistful hope. "You have to mean it."

"I don't know what else you want me to say," Santana said with a tiny smile. "I don't know what you mean. I'm not lying to you, Rach. I will try." She paused and bit her lip before taking a slow breath and swallowing slowly. "I always am."

"No," Rachel practically whined. She shifted and put her hands on her sister's face, cupping her cheeks. Santana wasn't sure where Rachel had learned to do that but she had always done it as a strange sign of affection and a plea to make sure that the person she was talking to was listening to her, really listening. "You have to want it. You have to want to not be angry. You have to want your happily ever after."

Santana stared back at her. She put her hand over Rachel's tiny hand on her own cheek. "I promise you that I'll always be here for you."

"i want you to be there for you first," she said leaning against her and looking up at her. "Please. Please do this for me. Please try. Stop doing this for me . If I am supposed to do it for me then you have to do it for you. Remember?"

Santana searched her eyes. "Remember what?" she asked with a sigh.

"I go. You go," Rachel whispered. "When I was little you said, you go, I go. You said that with everything. Remember? I wasn't hungry at the home with the name on my door. And you told me, I go, you go. And I sat in the chair and that's how we ate. Remember?"

"Yeah," she said tearfully as she felt a wave of emotions of the memories of that time flooded back to her.. "You didn't want to eat anything so … they let me sit with you in the cafeteria... and eat with you because that was the only way that you ate. I would take a bite and then you took a bite. And …. then that's how we did it after that." She traced the back of Rachel's hand and pulled her closer.

Rachel squeezed her hand back. "I go. You go," she said leaning back. "You gotta try. If you don't try... then... how will I know it's my turn?" She moved closer into her sister's check. "You have to go before I can go."

"You can always go first," Santana whispered wrapping her arms around her.

"I can't," Rachel whispered.

Santana rested her chin on the top of Rachel's head. "Why not?"

"Because how will I know if I can?" she muttered.

Santana was quiet and then looked at her quietly. "You are the strongest person I know."

"You're the strongest person I know," Rachel giggled. She squeezed Santana's hand. "You know that."

Santana chuckled but remained silent

"You'll try," Rachel said with a nod. "We'll be okay and be grown up and whole and happy. You go and then I'll go."

Santana pulled her closer and hugged her closer. She took a deep breath and "I promise you I will try and you promise me you will try and together we will make sure Quinn tries, too."

"Yeah?"

The older girl nodded. "Yeah..."

A silence fell over them.

"You really promise that you'll try. You seem … you seem so angry and sad and far away and I'm scared that you won't try... that you'll just... you'll leave." She stopped herself once Santana opened her mouth to interrupt. "Not go away but you'll... go... somewhere else in your head. You sat in the tree house all by yourself. Will you tell me what you're thinking?"

Santana looked at her for a moment, unsure what to say.

"Is it because you're remembering too?" she asked.

"No," Santana said tightly. "I'm just... Rachel, I promise we'll figure this out. I promise we'll get through this and I promise we'll try."

"But-" Rachel started.

"No," Santana said softly. "No, buts."

Rachel giggled. "Butt." She frowned. "Can we watch Finding Nemo?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Yeah."

An hour later, Rachel was still very much in her head. She swung her legs from where she sat. She was happy about Santana. She was happy because Santana said that she would try. Santana would try and she would make it. The trial would just be like a big therapy session, she told herself.

"Rachel, did you hear me?"

She looked up at the woman. "No," she said quietly.

"I asked you about your meeting with the court-appointed therapist and if it was okay."

Elyse looked at Rachel carefully and for the first time, Rachel saw something that she hadn't seen before. She saw worry and concern.

"You can't look at me like that," she said.

"Why not?"

"Because everyone looks at me like that," she said quietly. "We're going to make it. We're going to be fine. Testifying is going to be easy..." Elyse looked at her with an arch of her brow. "Okay... not easy... but we'll be fine." She straightened. "I know we will be."

Elyse watched her carefully. "You will be."

….

Shelby watched her girls curl up on the couch as they watched the movie.

"Girls, you know you're grounded, right?"

"Mumma, we have to see if they find Nemo … we haven't even gotten to the point where they're at the initiation," Rachel whined.

"You're still grounded," Shelby sighed knowing that she was being a softy but knew that she didn't have it in her to turn off the movie especially since she was pretty sure that she had seen Santana and Quinn laugh at least once.

Elyse sat her bag on the counter.

"How'd it go?"

"Santana only put two dollars in the swear jar," she said quietly. "They all certainly have a long way to go. Quinn is talking more and Santana is talking more …. And Rachel is almost back to her old self."

"Then... What's going on?" Shelby asked as she offered the woman a glass of water.

"What isn't there? This trial could potentially ruin them. Quinn gets to a certain point and gets very very defensive and she needs to get past that and we have to push her past that for the case to be successful. No matter what they try to use. Her hiding things will make it worse for her in the long run... And Rachel isn't talking... not like how she used to. Not honestly. When I say her old self I mean, I don't mean organically. I'm scared that this trial will cause irreparable damage."

"We'll fix it. It's not something that will defeat them," she said with a heavy sigh and a nod as if she were convincing herself. She met Elyse's eyes with a new determination. "And they can't have their therapist thinking that," she stated with a quiet urgency.

"We can't predict what will happen, but we have to accept the possibility that what I have to offer... what you have to offer... might not be enough." Santana looked up at her with an intense gaze. "And I'm fearful that Santana might lose it-"

"What?" Shelby practically hissed. "I know my daughter and -"

"Then you should know that this trial could be catastrophic for not just Rachel and Quinn but for Santana and Noah. I might not be able to help her-"

"We will manage," Shelby hissed pulling Elyse into the back room away from the girls.

"You're not listening to me," Elyse stated. "You and I have been in this field for a long time. I can see how much this trial is upsetting you. You have so many tools at your disposal but your children-"

"What? My children what?" she snapped.

"They don't have those same skills," she said in the same measured tone.

"Shut up," she said haughtily. "My kids have spent their entire lives proving idiots like you wrong. You're not the first to think that they can't or won't make it."

"That's not what I said, Shelby," she said calmly. "What I'm saying is that we need to be open to all possibilities here."

Shelby narrowed her eyes even more. "Possibilities?"

"We need to evaluate the worst possible scenarios," she said carefully. "There are resources that you haven't taken advantage of yet."

Shelby felt her face fall for a moment just before she hardened it again. "We're not doing that."

"We have some of the best crisis counselors in the area and -"

"I don't think that my kids meet left of care and I'm not committing them to a program like that," she said with a snap.

"Shelby, you know that it's not committing them. The programs that I'm talking about are short-term. Why am I explaining this to you? You know all of this."

Shelby looked carefully into the other room and saw that Rachel was laughing about Mt. Wannahockaloogie and Santana and Quinn were trying to not reveal their smiles. She didn't want to hear this. She couldn't.

The back door opened and Joey came in and frowned at the scene before her as soon as the tension from the argument hit her.

"What's going on?"

Shelby shook her head and looked back at Elyse. "Well, what it sounds like is that if they don't move at the pace you want them to then you're going to walk away."

"What?" Joey asked.

"That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that we might need to figure out other options. They might need more in the worst case scenario. You know these programs. You know your kids and instead of ignoring the fact that they might have to be in these programs, you should take the time to look to see what's best for-"

"What's best? What worst case scenario?" Joey asked. "What's going on?"

"Keep your voice down," Shelby hissed to both of the women.

"Think about it Shelby. We can't protect them from everything, especially themselves. I'll plan to see the kids next week."

Shelby frowned. "I'll certainly think about it," she said lowly.

Joey and Shelby watched the woman go with a frown. "What the hell is that?"

"I think I might have to find another therapist," Shelby said watching her go. She sighed and turned to her sister. "She thinks that we need to be open to the possibility of putting the kids in a program if things with the trial go as terrible as they could."

Joey narrowed her eyes. "Hospitalize them? Get them more intensive treatment?"

Shelby nodded with a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I can't think about that. I think that she's wrong. You know that they can't …. I already abandoned them once, if I did a short-term that would open up another very huge can of worms that I'm... We're all not ready for that. It's just a possibility. It's not even a given. She's just saying that it might be needed, but she's working with them! Why is she jumping to that? It's like she already has in her head that they aren't going to make it through this. As if she knows... or thinks she knows that they need this... ."

Shelby looked up when she realized her always interrupting sister hadn't interrupted. She took in Joey's face. Her sister was silent and Shelby didn't need Joey to say anything to know what she was thinking; silence was loud enough. Shelby wasn't going to accept this now. She wasn't going to be ready for that. She waved her sister off as Joey opened her mouth to try to say something.

"Don't," Shelby hissed. "Just don't. I'm going to go sit with my girls. I don't care what you do."

Without giving Joey another opportunity to speak, she walked into the family room.

…

Noah climbed out of the car and looked at his mother. The entire week she had been acting strangely but he couldn't articulate it. Then he had to drive to Ohio State with her for the weekend for his visit. The whole ride she had been acting strangely. He wasn't sure how to ask but now he was sure he just had to rip off the bandaid.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked as he dug his hands into his pockets as they talked toward admissions.

She smiled at him. "Nothing, did you not like the CDs I picked out? I thought that it was a good balance," she said straightening. "Eighties... some sixties with some stuff from now. Plus we listened to what you wanted to listen to."

He arched his brow. "I'm not talking about your music, Ma." He nodded his head in her direction. "I'm talking about this."

"What?" she asked as they neared the buildings.

"You've been doing that thing that you do," he said with a shrug of one shoulder. "You're bubbling."

"Bubbling?" she asked.

"No, that's not right. That movie with Brad Pitt," he said.

"Babel?" Shelby asked.

Noah smiled and nodded. "Yeah, that." He shrugged. "I want to do this, Ma, and you're all acting like I was going to run out of the car every turn we took. You talked the whole way here. …. You talked about the mileage signs... Is this about the trial?"

Shelby smiled at her son. He was a man of few words, but when he had to say a lot, she was reminded about how similar he and Rachel was. She sighed and paused at a bench and sat down.

"Sit with me for a sec," she said gently.

He rolled his eyes. "I don't want to talk about your feelings or mine. I just want to tell you you're babbling."

"When has it ever been as simple as that?" she asked with a smile. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry that I don't seem like myself."

"So it is the trial?" he asked. She didn't answer right away. "Or is it that you think San is going to blow?

She looked at him in surprise. "What?"

"Sometimes I look at her and I feel like I'm in a horror movie... Like right before the monster comes out and the monster doesn't come out," he said with a pensive frown.

She looked at her son with a frown. "Those are thoughts that you should bare careful to say out loud. You haven't told your sister that have you?"

"I have three sisters," he said with a brow arch. "I know exactly what to say to piss them off and I know telling Santana that her face reminds me of a horror movie is one of them."

She laughed. "So true. I am so excited that you want to do this, Noah. Maybe I am scared that you'll change your mind and I'll be there the whole time if you do and -"

"I don't want you to," he said looking at her with an awkward half smile. "I don't want you to hold my hand during college, ma. I don't want you to think that...I'm going to fail any second. Look around. All of us could fail any second. No matter how much you love us doesn't make that possibility go away."

"No, I don't think you're going to fail-" she began.

"But you've never really given me a chance to," he said quietly, more to himself than anything else. He shrugged. "I don't know if this school is for me but... I want to do this... I don't... I don't need you to tell me that you'll help me find a tutor or … whatever when I fail a class... That's my responsibility." He looked around. "I hear that they have other kids teach you in college," he smiled. "Usually girls."

"Noah," she warned.

"Rach is right, ma," he said. "How are we going to ever get it right if we don't try? If we can all stand on our own two feet without …. carrying each other over the finish line... You know? Does that make sense?" He searched her eyes. "Gotta let us figure it out."

She leaned back and stared at the sky for a moment before answering. "You're right," she said quietly.

"I am?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I don't give you as much credit as you deserve."

"I can do this, Mom, and you give me plenty of credit you just don't let me do it," he laughed. "But I don't think that I ever wanted to try to...But Rachel's right we can't be old and thirty and living in the same house."

"Thirty isn't old, Noah," she said.

"To you it isn't. To me it is," he said.

She sighed and leaned back. "True."

"You deserve to be happy, you know," he said. "We want you to be."

She frowned. "I am happy."

He tilted his head and rolled his and nodded as if the words were going to come to him but he didn't want to say them once they did. "You know... Happy...Happy... Happy... you know... HAPPY."

"Happy?" she asked. Noah widened his eyes as if he needed his mother to get it. Her eyes widened.

"We all know... it's been awhile, Mom," he said carefully.

She waved her hands. "We are not talking about how long it's been! We are not talking about that at all! While you may be barely an adult, we are not having _that _conversation. Not now. Not ever."

"I just... Ma, I want you to be happy."

She smiled. "I know you do but," she said letting the smile fall from her face. "Talking about my sex life with my children does not make me happy."

"Doesn't make me happy either," he grinned. "Just... let yourself be happy, okay?" he shrugged. "You do everything for us. You're taking me to look for schools. You drive us to appointments and stuff. I just … I don't want you to end up alone like the lady on that commercial who falls and can't get up."

Shelby looked at her son. "Thanks, bud. I don't want to be alone either... but … I don't also want to put a lot of effort into a relationship right now..." She sighed and clapped her hands. "We are here for you, okay? Let's do a tour. We're meeting the recruiter and you're going to be smoozed by a football player who's also going to show you around." She raised her eyebrow. "Please make good choices."

He nodded. "I will... What are you going to do?"

"Probably go to the campus coffee shop and eavesdrop," she shrugged.

"Will you be okay?" he asked.

She nodded and smiled at him gently as they walked into the athletic center. "I'll be fine."

….

Shelby pulled up to the house and Noah practically leapt out. He had been talking for almost the last half an hour about needing to go number two. She rolled her eyes as he ran into the house. The rest of the weekend had been a bit hectic. Noah had a tour of the school. He met with the athletic director. He shadowed a student. He slept in the dorm and then he even attended a practice of the freshman team. And Shelby was so grateful that he actually appeared to enjoy it. Somehow even though Noah had done all the work, she was still exhausted. Perhaps it was to do with the fact that for most of the weekend she kept thinking about scenarios adorned in bad choices of others and possibly also her son. She kept thinking of how her son as well as a lot of other people's children would be unsupervised with alcohol, parties and girls. She sighed as she pulled her bag from the back. She decided to make her son come back and haul his things into the house. He needed to be responsible for that. She would give him until dinner to see if he would remember without a reminder.

She paused as she entered the house. Soon this home would no longer by Noah's. She shook her head. It would always be Noah's but it wouldn't be his in the same way it was now. It would be different. It wouldn't be the same ever again.

"Mom!"

Shelby felt a pair of arms wrap around her. She smiled and set down her bag as she hugged with one arm.

"Hey, Rach," she smiled.

"Rachel?" Holly called from the kitchen.

Shelby arched her brow. "Rach, are you supposed to be doing work?" Rachel's eyes darted as if she was pretending that she wasn't doing anything wrong. "Rachel, have you been listening to Holly today?"

"Yeah..." she mumbled.

"Rachel," Shelby said as she brought the girl's gaze up to her eyes by lifting her chin.

"Can't I say hi to you?" she asked quietly.

"You can, but you probably saw me pull into the driveway right?" Shelby asked. Rachel gave a small nod. "And I bet Miss Holly asked you to finish the test that I know that you have today. Did you finish?"

"No..." Rachel mumbled.

"Go in there and finish your test please," she said kissing her gently on forehead. "I love you but you need to listen. This is still home, but it's also school and it needs the same respect of any other school."

Rachel frowned and grumbled under her breath.

"What was that?" Shelby called.

"Nothing," Rachel mumbled.

They walked into the kitchen. Holly looked up and walked over to Shelby and talked quietly to Rachel about continuing with her test. Shelby looked up and saw that Santana and Quinn were whispering to each other as they wrote. Shelby reached across the table and took both of the girls' tests.

"We do not cheat in this house," Shelby scolded.

"We can't cheat, Mom," Santana argued. "Holly makes the tests different so we can't cheat."

"Miss Holly, Santana," Shelby corrected.

"Why are we calling her Miss Holly?" Santana asked.

"Because apparently the two of you are very disrespectful. The tests are still on the same subject and the two of you are helping each other. That is still known as cheating. You need to try to earn Miss Holly's respect back," she stated.

Holly lifted her finger up. "Actually, Holly is fine. Respect does need to be earned but I don't... Holly's fine,"

Shelby frowned. "Okay, but girls... This is unacceptable."

"It's not like you can ground us anymore," Quinn said. "We're in a permanent state of ground-"

"Shut up," Santana hissed lowly.

Shelby folded her arms and arched her brow. "You'd be surprised."

….

Quinn stared down at her cast. Was it really time to get it off? Noah had been talking about college like he was an expert. Quinn hadn't realized how much time has past until she heard him comparing three college visits he had gone on in the last couple weeks. She hadn't realize what a non-bullshiter Noah was. He had this strange way of reading people and if they smoozed him in a way he didn't like he crossed them off his list. Quinn couldn't help but think that because she and Santana were no longer on cheerios they wouldn't experience that. She should live more vicariously through him, especially since she and Santana had been cleaning and recleaning everything in the house down to the last window sill.

"What's the first thing you're going to do once you get it off?" Rachel asked her from her side. Quinn noted that she too had been oddly chipper recently.

Quinn stared down at Rachel with a heavy sigh. "I don't know. What's up with you?"

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked immediately looking away and concentrating with great detail on the cloth napkin in her lap.

"You're sitting here all... I don't know... you're … happy," Quinn stated.

"What? that's good isn't it?"

"But it doesn't feel like you're real... it feels like you're playing dress-up," she sneered.

"Why are you being so mean?" she asked quietly

"What's going on?" Shelby asked as she pulled on her jacket.

"Nothing," Rachel muttered.

Quinn stared down at her. There was so much on the tip of her tongue and caught in her throat that she wouldn't explain … that she couldn't possibly explain. She had been so ready to get the cast off. However, now with the holidays, the end of the year and the trial coming up it felt as if her life was just continuing to mock her. While Rachel was trying her best to be happy, Quinn felt as if she was barely holding her head up. And she couldn't explain it to herself let alone anyone else.

Quinn leaned down and kissed her softly on the temple. "I'm sorry I'm grumpy and I took it out on you," she whispered.

"I know," Rachel said back still quietly. "I'm trying to be happy."

Quinn sighed. "Don't try so hard."

"I .. I just thought you'd be happy," Rachel said softly. "You've been so surly this week. You don't have to be. You can just say what you're thinking … what you're feeling."

"Rach, we practically live in therapy. Do you think if I could easily express what I was feeling, I would still be going to therapy?"

"Touche," Rachel mumbled. She looked up at her mother. "Can I come too? I want to see it come off."

Shelby smiled but shook her head. "No, Rach," she said quietly. "Girls, I am going to be talking to Holly about your work. I don't want you to think you can take it easy now that you are home.-"

"What easy way?" Santana sighed.

Shelby narrowed her eyes. "You and Quinn pulling the stunts you've been pulling is going to stop. Quinn I want those extra history reports done"

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "Why?"

"Because the two of you have been slacking and -" Shelby began.

"No, why do I have to do extra projects?" she asked.

"We will talk about it in the car," Shelby stated. "We're running late."

"No, I want to know," Quinn said aggressively. "You can't instill respect with Mr. Clean."

"You're right. Maybe I can't. If you and Santana draft a new plan for how you two should be punished, I'll consider it."

Santana perked up. "What? Really?"

Shelby nodded as she handed Quinn her coat. "Yes," she said. "Now. Let's go."

….

Quinn wasn't sure exactly what she was expecting by the way they took off the cast but it was certainly less exhilarating as when she sawed of the cast herself. She stared down at the now naked arm as they drove away from the doctor's office. She was exhausted and she hated this. She wanted this cast off for so long. Now, she had it off and she felt a surge of emotions. It was the heavy cast that she wanted off because she hoped that she would never be reminded of how she received it, but now that it was off...it was all she could think about. She could hear Rachel crying in the car. She could feel herself hanging upside down. She could feel the ugly hospital gown that she had to wear. She could feel it all more than she could before. She hated it. She hated all of it

The car stopped.

She looked around. They were in a parking lot.

"What are we doing here?" She looked over to the store, an art store. "We don't need anything here."

"You might if we go look," Shelby said kindly.

"Do you remember that I'm drafting a punishment proposal when I get home? I'm grounded. I don't get it." Quinn looked back down at her naked arm. "You shouldn't give me anything."

"Why not?"

"Because I... I had a cast removed that I got from an accident. An accident that totalled Noah's car that I stole, that cost Rachel her kidney-"

"And you your spleen," Shelby said. She turned to her in the car. "Quinn, that accident wasn't your fault."

"Maybe not completely, but I was a part of it. I was driving. If we had stayed at school. If I had gotten San and Noah then... then we wouldn't have gone through any of that."

"Maybe," Shelby replied simply. "But we can't go back and change anything."

"I know that," she whispered.

"I know you do," Shelby continued. "But I also am completely sure that you are not to blame. No one in this family blames you for any of that. You're the hero in this story, Quinn."

"I don't feel like it. You shouldn't say that... I didn't save her... I'm the one who left her with him to begin with and..." She trailed off as she shook her head angrily at herself.

"Quinn, you did the best that you could and your best is good enough," Shelby stated.

"It never feels like it," she mumbled.

Shelby smiled. "Well, that's why I'm here: To remind you that it is." She took a deep breath and smiled at her. "I never expect you to be perfect, Quinn. I expect you to be you."

"I know," she muttered. Quinn ran her fingers down her newly exposed arm. "But I don't know who that is."

"I'm still figuring out me," Shelby said. "It's a process."

"I know. I know.. . 'Life's just a work in progress.' You tell us that all the time and I feel like it would mean more if one of us actually believed it."

"We all have things to work on, Quinn. Just because you're in trouble for something doesn't mean you're not still a good person." Quinn nodded, but didn't say anything. "And you are, Q-bear. You're a great person."

Quinn didn't want to listen to this anymore. In the grand scheme of things, when people were separated between good and bad … she never knew where the fell. She always knew better and worse people. She was in the "other." category.

"So... You're giving me a thanks-for-not-sawing-off-your-cast present?"

"Think of it as a celebratory gift for getting the cast off," Shelby said with smirk.

"Why are you doing this?" Quinn asked.

"Because you deserved a little something for being so great." she answered simply.

Quinn looked back at her silently and shook her head slightly. "I don't... I don't get it... You never give me gifts."

"Doesn't mean you don't deserve one," Shelby said trying her best to understand.

"I don't... I don't want it..." she said quickly.

Shelby searched her face. "Can I ask why?"

"I know... I know... it's rude not to accept gifts but... I just... I … I'm sorry. I can't..."

"Quinn, it's something small," she said slightly confused. "Even if you had put up a fight every single day about the cast, I would still be buy you something."

Quinn shook her head. "You don't... I don't want it. I can't accept your gifts. Even for Christmas... I know it might be awkward, but I.. can't."

"Can I ask you why?" The mother repeated.

"I don't have anything to give in return," she said trying to harden her features so her face couldn't be read.

Shelby searched the young girl's face. She was sifting through her memory for clues. Fabrays. Gifts. Giving. The Fabrays wouldn't give Quinn gifts-she paused. Quinn had a car. She had nice things. She had clothes. All of which were reclaimed when Shelby took custody of her. She felt a pain explode in her chest at understanding.

"Your father gave you gifts," Shelby said carefully.

Quinn gave a weak nod. Shelby was expecting more silence, but the young girl continued. "My father used to give me gifts...after...I used to think that he was sorry. That he regretted it and was buying me stuff because he felt ... bad... but after he and I ... you know... after the first time...he bought me a car. I remember realizing when I saw that car that he wasn't buying my forgiveness... he was buying my silence." Quinn traced her arm again with her fingers. "I don't know how you imagine what my Christmas was like. I still received what I needed. I'm not one of those people who will cry over pencils or gifts that shouldn't be gifts. I had what I needed so I didn't stick out like a loser." She caught Shelby's eyes quickly but then looked away. "Christmas was the Lord's day. We went to church. We came home. That's it. I received what I needed throughout the year. But gifts," she continued. "Real gifts... were only given when something was required in return."

Shelby took a deep breath and turned to Quinn in her seat. "You're not required to give me anything in return. Ever."

Quinn sat there for a moment and was looking at Shelby with thoughtful eyes and the older woman realized that Quinn wasn't really looking at Shelby. Quinn was thinking. She was remembering something.

"What?" Shelby asked.

"My grandmother gave me a doll once," she said still looking past Shelby. "Her name was Winifred. She was from a special collection of dolls and I was supposed to be grateful to have her. And I was... very much... but I was also eight and... I wanted to play with her." The blonde took a deep breath. "Gifts are not meant to be enjoyed. They're supposed to be practical and serve a purpose … I don't want a gift from you..." she finished with a whisper.

Shelby took her hand. "The reason why I would give you something was because I wanted to. I don't want anything in return." She gave a small smirk. "I guarantee that one of these Christmases or Birthdays you'll hate what I give you, but you won't know now to say it.-"

"I wouldn't," Quinn interrupted.

"I know, but the point is Quinn, I will always give you things whether it be a trip to this art store or a new clothes or new shoes... I give you things not to prove my love or guilt you or silence you. I give them because I love you. So proudly so. Nothing more and nothing less."

"I.. just... I don't... I don't know... it's weird to get something from you. I c-c-can't," she shrugged. "I get that you want to give it. And I hate that I can't accept it, but... I … I don't know."

Shelby took a deep breath. "Okay," she nodded. "I can get that."

"Do you?" she asked quietly. "I don't know..."

"So you want to receive gifts but they have a bad association?" Shelby asked. Quinn nodded. "Well...why don't we start small." Quinn looked up at her with a frown. "You're picking it out anyway."

"But you're buying it..." Quinn said again.

"But you're choosing it," she said. "So … hypothetically, you can go into that store and buy the cheapest, smallest gift. I want this to mean what you want it to mean to you. We can't control me giving you gifts. Simply because you're my daughter and it's an inevitability. But... we can control the process in which you begin to receive them."

Quinn looked at her with a frown; she would try another approach. "What if I go in there and demand the most expensive item? Or worse, break it?"

"Then we would figure out a consequence for that behavior, but you're still leaving here with a gift," Shelby said with a soft smirk. "Also," she continued with a tender smile. "Christmas is coming and now I plan to find the best possible gifts for you." She let her smile fade. "I know that it might seem that I'm not really respecting your past … I guess ... relationship with gifts. but … It's just not something that I'm willing to sacrifice."

"I don't want you to," she muttered. "I ..just... I can't accept them," she bit her lip. "I don't know how. I just … Plus... even if i did. I have nothing to give in return and..." she trailed off. "You know that I would give you the world if I could. I can never repay you."

Shelby nodded. "Well, why don't we do this. There's a big box out in the garage. Huge," she added with a smirk and wide eyes. "That will be your box. We'll move it to somewhere in the house. Maybe your room... or somewhere. We'll figure it out and … Every gift that you're not ready to accept can go in there And you will remember that I don't want anything in return and that no matter what I'll keep giving you something."

Quinn bit her lip. " I want you to pick it out," she muttered. "I want the first gift that you give me be one that you pick out."

Shelby took her hand. "Let's do it together."

Quinn nodded and gave a soft smile. "Okay."

….

Santana was at her wit's end. There was no avoiding it. She was going to kill her. She glared at her. 'Yup, she was going to kill her.

"Santana? Santana? Santana?"

Santana glared at Holly. She blamed that woman for bringing Sugar back. She had been grateful for when Sugar was gone a few weeks ago with the plague. Never before did Santana wish the plague on anyone. However, after being schoolless for a few weeks and with the impending trial and even worse with Christmas coming, she couldn't deal with Sugar. She would rather battle an angry mother bear. However, she bit her lip, because she knew that's exactly what she would dealing with if she executed her plan for Sugar which right now included an ax and lighter fluid. She decided to blame Quinn. It had been easier when Quinn was there. Santana would have gladly chopped off Quinn's cast herself so that she didn't have to spend time with Sugar alone.

"What?" she snapped.

"San," Rachel said quietly.

Santana snapped her head to Rachel. She pointed in the most unsubtle way at Sugar as if the girl's lone existence was the cause of every terror in the world.

"Santana," Rachel said again.

The older girl gave a groan and a sigh and turned to Holly. "What?"

"No, need to be rude, just because you aren't as smart as me," Sugar said. "Just admit it." She paused for a second. "You're wrong. You're wrong. Say it. YOU'RE WRONG!"

Santana couldn't remember what they were arguing before. She only vaguely remembered that she was asked to complete the question. They had been playing a "fun" game of jeopardy. Somehow. Holly had managed to set up a game for all three of them that asked them questions that only pertain to the subjects that she was learning. However, Santana couldn't see the effort that Holly was putting into it. Now, all she could see was a woman who was trying to unite things that couldn't be brought together.

"SHUT UP!" Santana screeched. "Why are you even here? Don't you go to school?"

Sugar straightened and smirked with pride. "I can do what I want! My daddy lets me do anything and I am too good for school. My talent is -"

"UGH!" Santana screamed slamming her hands on the counter.

Holly met the girl's glare and sighed. Helen had returned back to the crazy Corcoran house a few days ago, but stepped out to run to the store. Holly was the adult here.

"Rachel, Sugar, go into the other room and work on your reading assignments," Holly said.

"Aunt Holly, San-TANA started that! We can't help that she's a poor LOSER and that she's WRONG!"

"Sugar, there's no need to emphasize any of that. Everyone is wrong -"

"I'm never wrong," Sugar said as she crossed her arms.

Santana snapped her gaze toward the girl, but Holly interjected before the girl could protest. "Other room, girls."

Rachel slipped off of her chair and followed her huffing classmate toward the living room. She paused and went back to her sister. She gripped her hand to gether her attention because her sister was still glaring ahead. She gave the hand a little tug and Santana looked down at her with a questioningly look.

"Just... remember what we talked about? Remember?" She looked back at her sister's blank stare. It was a few weeks ago … but still her sister always remembered.

"What?" Santana asked shooting a glare past Rachel at Sugar and then another at Holly.

"Nevermind..." Rachel mumbled as she walked past Sugar and into the other room as she sat heavily on the couch.

"What's your problem?" Sugar asked as she sat next to her.

"Nothing," she muttered.

"We're friends, remember? But you don't really act like it anymore since your sisters joined," she said. "You don't act like it at all."

Rachel narrowed her eyes. "Well, sorrryy," she said with an absence of any genuine remorse.

"You're not sorry," Sugar stated. "Just like you weren't sorry when you broke all of those plates. remember when you did that?"

Rachel looked at her with a frown. "Yeah," she hissed back.

"Because sometime people act like you never did," Sugar leaned forward more. She whispered quietly. "People are still giving you plates." she put her hands in her air. "Why would anyone give you anything breakable?" She looked around the living room. "Look at all this stuff on the walls and on your shelves. Pictures. Things. Lots of breakable things." Sugar pointed with her thumb over her shoulder. "And your sisters. I'm sure THEY break things all of the time."

Rachel slowly looked up her with a frown. She could hear voices rising in the kitchen. She stood and looked at at her sister from the other room.

"I don't care if she's a your niece!" Santana yelled. "I don't care if she's the damn Queen of fucking England!"

Rachel heard papers crash to the floor in the kitchen. She could see an outline of her sister. Her sister had forgotten. She had forgotten to believe in their happily ever afters.

"I mean, why isn't your mom thinking about doing taking down these things. OR," Sugar said. "Wrapping them in bubble wrap." The girl smiled. "What would be a good idea."

Rachel felt her breath quicken in her chest. She hated bubble wrap. "We're not friends," Rachel hissed.

"What?" Sugar asked sadly.

"We're not friends! I don't even like you!" she barked turning toward the girl that was suddenly standing too close to her. .

"Take that back!" Sugar snapped tearfully.

"No! You're not my friend! You're not my friend! You're not my friend! You're not my friend! I hate you! I hate you! I hate EVERYTHING about you!" Rachel screamed.

"SHUT UP!" Sugar screamed launching at Rachel pushing them both over the back of the couch.

Rachel pushed at Sugar to get her off of her causing both of them to narrowly miss the coffee table Sugar pushed Rachel back and hit her with the palm of her hand. Rachel groaned in frustration more than pain and yanked Sugar's hair. She heard her brother talk about the importance of hair pulling. Sugar screamed in anguish allowing Rachel to gain the full advantage and push them under the coffee table, but Sugar was bigger. Rachel tried to yank Sugar's hair again but because she was under Sugar and Sugar was under the coffee table. Rachel wanted to beat this girl. She wanted to break every plate in the house in front of Sugar. She wanted to break everything in front of her and make Sugar watch.

"What is going on?!" Shelby asked.

If Rachel could see past Sugar or the coffee table or the couch, she would have seen her mother glaring at her house of chaos and her blond sister trying to hide her snickering.

"This is not funny," Shelby said.

The coffee table was removed; Rachel felt her mother remove Sugar and then pull her up.

"Sit," Shelby stated pointing to one chair. "Sit," she said again pointing to another. She looked at Quinn. "Quinn, this is not funny. Stop laughing."

"I can't help it. I'm sorry," she giggled.

"Then you sit there," Shelby said pointing at the couch. "No talking."

Rachel looked at her hands. The living room suddenly became silent. This was when the house realized the chaos coming from the kitchen. Santana and Holly were still screaming. Rachel then heard her mother scolding Santana. Then she heard her mother call for her.

"Rachel and Santana, I want an apology now."

"I don't need to apologize to you," Rachel said. "I didn't do anything to you." Shelby arched her brow. Rachel shrunk back slightly. "Well... I guess I need to apologize to you now..." she muttered.

"We are going to apologize and then we're going to sit down and talk about this. I want a verbal apology to Holly and Sugar and then we're going to take some time and calm down."

"Sorry," Rachel muttered.

"For?" Shelby pushed.

"Yelling and pulling your niece's hair and telling her that I hated her and that we weren't friends and... wishing that I could hit harder so I could hit her harder."

The taller women in the room slowly looked toward the smaller girl slowly.

"Okay... "Shelby said. "Rachel, you'll need to apologize to Sugar in a moment. Santana?"

"I'm sorry I screamed at you and called you a terrible teacher and told you to shut up... and swore at you... and called you names and... getting aggravated with Sugar, but she's aggravating. Face it."

"Santana, you're apologizing," Shelby commented.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Apologies accepted," Holly smiled.

"I don't accept them," Sugar said from the doorway.

"I'm still sitting on the couch," Quinn hollered.

Shelby sighed and watched as Rachel repeated her apology to Sugar only to have the girl roll her eyes and Rachel frown with indignation about it.

"We'll see you next time, Holly," Shelby nodded.

"I DON'T look forward to it," Sugar huffed.

Rachel rolled her eyes and unconsciously leaned into Santana who pulled her closely to her side.

"Living room, now," Shelby stated pointing the girls into the living room.

Rachel sat next to Quinn and Santana sandwiched Rachel's other's side feeling slightly out of control and strangely distanced from where she was. Something luckily distracted her.

"What's that?" Santana asked looking at Quinn's hands.

The blonde shrugged. "Nothing."

"You got a gift didn't you?" Rachel asked. "Can I see?"

"No, we bought... it together..." Quinn stumbled.

"What is it?"Santana asked, noticing her discomfort.

"It's … just..." Quinn held up the key chain awardly. "... It's just... this..."

"Why did you get that?" Rachel asked with a frown.

Quinn shrugged a single shoulder. "It seemed too practical to go in the box," she mumbled.

"What box?" Rachel asked.

"Okay, let's talk," Shelby stated sitting in front of them.

"I don't want to talk," Rachel said folding her arms.

"Okay, but I am," Shelby stated. she took a deep breath. "We need to figure something out girls. I get that you're angry and you have every right to be. I get that you don't want to work with Holly and you're struggling to work with Elyse. I know that this is hard and we all know that it might not get better … at least right away." She looked at them carefully. "I know you're trying your best, though and I will always continue to ask that of you."

"Mom, what are you saying?" Santana asked feeling as if this conversation was building in a strange way that she couldn't prepare herself for. She didn't even know how to brace herself for any of this.

"I don't want you to take what I'm going to tell you and bottle it up. Because this isn't a threat or an ultimatum."

"You shouldn't have to disclaim things like that," Rachel whispered.

Shelby rubbed her hands together and licked her lips. "We need to figure out a new system. We need to figure out how to communicate. I don't want you to get so angry you can't breathe... or feel that you can't talk to me because you're afraid of hurting me."

"I don't understand," Quinn said quietly.

"Sometimes, because people love and care about you so much, they can't help you like you need. They can't... help you like..." She sighed. "It's not because you're bad or because I don't love you or anyone in the family doesn't love you enough but …. sometimes is so much bigger than right and wrong."

Rachel chewed her lip as she felt tears well in her eyes. "I don't understand. You don't love us enough?"

"That's not it, Rach. That's not it all," Shelby said hating that she couldn't articulate this right.

"You're saying you might have to send us away... Like Noah... Because no one can fix us here," Santana said slowly with a poor attempt to cover up her heartbreak.

"I have no plans to, San," she whispered softly. She put her hand on her heart as she reached out to the girls. "I will love you all three of you forever." She gave a tearful smile. "You three have made such amazing progress. Bugs you went outside. Sanny, you haven't thrown a lamp in forever. Q-bear, you stepped out of your comfort zones. I will be there for every milestone you make." She watched the girls look away one at a time. She was losing them. "Look at me. Girls, look at me." They slowly met her gaze again. "You are not broken. No one is. You're flawed we make mistakes. Otherwise, we wouldn't be human. I'm asking you to be honest with me."

"I don't want to go away," Rachel said with a hitched breath, causing Quinn to look away and Santana to wipe away a quick tear.

Shelby looked at her children. She saw the panic. She saw that she was rubbing salt in their wounds and she wasn't helping. She wasn't healing she was hurting them more. She had made a mistake. She thought that she would need to be truthful with them. However, these new truths were cultivating more doubt.

"Listen. I love you. All three of you so so much," she said closing her eyes with passion. "I won't abandon you ever."

"Then why are you telling us this?" Quinn said with an expected sob. "I don't understand."

Shelby looked and saw her gripping her key chain with anxiety. She reached out and took her free hand and then looked over at Santana who was just gazing down at her feet.

"No one is going anywhere," Shelby suddenly heard herself say. "I promise."

Santana let out a small sob. "I'm sorry we're so fucked up. I'm sorry that we can't get it right. I just... I 'm sorry I -"

Shelby pulled her to her with her free hand. "No, I'm sorry. I'm wrong. Okay? We will all get through this. I just need you to know that I'm here to listen. I'm here for you to scream at and be angry with. You don't have to do it with everyone else," she said with a light chuckle. "Okay," she said meeting their gazes tearfully. "I will never ever give up on you and I will certainly never leave you."

Rachel lurched forward into her mother's arms and Shelby pulled the other girls to her with. Shelby could feel their distressed heartbeats against her own body. She could feel the worry in their tears and the confusion on their hitched breaths. She thought she knew what she was going to do. She thought that her love was enough, but now she knew that it had to be. She had to do this. She had to and not someone else.

**I know I know. It's a bit short. I know... And I know I promised you holidays, and then after that the trial, but I realized they didn't fit with what I had planned for this chapter. So just move it up a chapter. It is coming I swear, but I'm trying to perfect this. I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to do this. Hopefully we'll get back on schedule with the next chapter. Please let me know what you think? Lots of planning for the open wounds and the sequel. please keep reading. **


	60. Chapter 60

Chapter 60

NinjaGleek21 - I'm happy that you liked the chapter! I loved Rachel's attack on Sugar. I like that you liked the interaction between the siblings. :) I always love writing them. I hope that you enjoy this chapter :)

EleanoRambaldi - I am so glad that you found the story but I am sorry I kept you up all night reading it - one of my betas and I love your stories so she was over the top when you reviewed this. Sorry for being evil but I am glad you enjoy it. Thanks so much for the review.

look4me - I am sorry you find Rachel annoying. She is very intelligent and sometimes comes across the wrong way but Rachel only has love in her heart, she only wants what is best for other people and she has been through so much trauma in her short life that normal every day coping skills are not there yet. Quinn and Shelby have a very special bond that will last forever. The trial is approaching fast and will cause issues for everyone. Thanks for the review.

Abbie - Protein shakes are the most appetizing but Quinn and Rachel will be on them for awhile. They provide the nutrients that they two of them need to get better. It is a challenge for the two of them to get what they need in a day so this is the best way. Thanks for the review.

purplemonkey23 -Thank you so much for your review. It makes me very happy to share this story with people and when I see that I have new readers I feel blessed. I am glad you are enjoying it. You will see some more of Noah in this chapter. Noah is an amazing brother and I love writing him.

Brittanyismyunicorn - Thank you so much for your kind review. We get a glimpse more into Shelby's head in this chapter. She is an awesome mom but she is also human. I too have been eagerly awaiting the trail and I am so sorry it's been taking me so long to get there. I too am a sucker for the sister moments. lol Yeah, it is Sugar but Santana is also on edge because of the holiday season

zuperkt - what an incredible honor! However, that would be a lot of printing. I've been told that right now Open Wounds is approximately the length of the first five Harry Potter books. Thank you so much for reviewing and loving the story!

Durant'sCry - My heart is forever shattered for these girls. Thank you so much for seeing them as they are: broken but really trying and conflicted, angry and sad. The trial has a lot of potential for hitting them hard. I'm bracing myself for it.

Joanne - thanks kindly for your review. I understand that it feels like lots of one on one time with Quinn and Noah, but I'm really trying to space it out. I do too, love Shelby and Rachel. Thanks for still reading even though you're not a Quinn fan. :)

LupitaTequila13 - I'm sorry that I brought you to tears. However, I'm not sure if this update will give you relief. Thank you so much for you comments. They mean so much. I'm sure I'm much less than brilliant but your words mean so much.

fanofyourstory - funny you mention Rachel's asthma. It's definitely coming back and has not been forgotten. Right now Rachel is pretending that she's fine. Thanks for reviewing :)

sleaglee - thank you for loving the story! hope you like this chapter!

Ryoko05 - I'm happy you liked/loved this chapter. While Shelby is super mom in so many ways, she is also human. This chapter really delves into it more. I've really tried to highlight her character as not just a loving mother but one that has a hard time asking for help. It's going to be a rough road for them. We saw a little into Shelby's head when Will was on the loose and how out of control she feels but as you'll read here, Elyse really struck a nerve and it's having big ripple effects. Thank you so much for affirming and supportive words. Thank you for recognizing that there is so much under the surface plot that I have to write. I know that we're all eagerly awaiting the trial too but i also want to do it a specific way. Hopefully it'll suffice. Thank you again, friend.

Cookie07 - Lol. You're not "supposed to" like or dislike any characters. I'm simply portraying the characters as I understand them. Sugar has genuinely good intentions, but her execution isn't perfect. She does have a little piece of my heart. I agree she is misguided but hilarious and I have no doubt that her little heart broke when Rachel told her they weren't friends. Perhaps that will be revisited in this chapter (wink wink). Rachel's outburst was a mixture of hilariousness and red-flag-esque. Elyse's worst case scenarios will be more explored her. What Elyse was trying to say is that not everything is in SHelby's control. We'll see where that takes the characters over the next few chapters. Needless to say that all that's coming will not be easy. Thank you for always reviewing and your kind words as well as your commitment to these characters.

Renata - Hi friend! lol Ms. Talented. You're so kind. The girls are certainly making huge progress. You're right in your assessment of all of the girls. Very very right. Thank you so much for your kind review as always. I hope you like this chapter.

IMHO - I'm so happy you loved it. Shelby and Quinn's talk broke my heart too and the fight made me laugh. Noah and Shelby's talk kinda ran away from me but was funny lol. Sometimes, the characters write themselves. I'm grateful that you think that the pace is perfect. You certainly do not heal from this abuse overnight. I'm excited to see what you think of the sequel too. Shelby and your anger is legitimately placed at Elyse, but Elyse is telling us something we don't want to hear in that perhaps Shelby cannot give the girls everything that they need. I also agree that the girls weren't ready for that conversation with Shelby at the end, but neither was Shelby and that will have its effects in this chapter and chapters to come. Thanks for your kind review :)

marinka4 - I cannot wait for the holidays too. However, per usual I cannot write a fluffy holiday chapter. Sorry if this doesn't meet your hopes and dreams. Don't worry the trial is coming, I'm impatient for it too. I appreciate you waiting so long for it. I hope you like this chapter!

Guest - Not necessarily. Quinn and Rachel will be testifying but it was recommended that Rachel didn't testify. The trial if it goes as i have planned will be a clusterfuck. sigh. we'll see what happens though when I finally write it. Thank you for your kind review!

Sarah11650 - thank you for your review! I am also looking forward to the trial. I'm sorry that it's taking me so long to get there. I appreciate your patience.

Scout88 - I love your reviews for so many reasons but most of all because you write them as you read them. I'm still juggling with Santana and Quinn's future at McKinley. We will see what happens. It's not only that Santana just doesn't care about cheerleading, she isn't sure what she feels about anything. Santana is having a hard time in a series of areas and I'm trying my best to portray that more. Let me know what you think. The trial is going to be tough as you know but we will see what happens. I've geared you all up for it and my little notebook and docs have so many notes, but we will never know the beast that is the trail until i really begin to write it and get into the heads of the characters. Shelby and Elyse both had valid points. Shelby cannot do everything on her own, but that doesn't mean she should expect the worse, especially when she's lived it. I'm sorry that I put you in tears. Quinn came from an affluent family but certainly every gift had a purpose. That scene was purposefully placed because of christmas. Rachel really does need a friend her own age, but sadly Sugar is all she has right now. The last scene was heartbreak and unplanned, but needed. Both your and my fingers are crossed. The sequel... well, sequels... right now are kind nuts. I'm worried how they will be received and I keep exploring the characters more. It's going to be a rollercoaster that's for sure. Thanks as always for your long and kind review! I always look forward to them!

leamicheleisawesome - Thank you! I hope you like this chapter!

Lolathe17th - Noah is certainly a bit inconsistent, but he's still the little boy that shoved a chair out the window and sprinted for blocks to the police station to save his sisters. He loves his family and always puts them first. Lol it was certainly a funny fight. I was laughing with Quinn too. Shelby never plans to send the children away, just like she didn't plan it with Noah, but sometimes it happens. I hope that this update was fast enough. Thank you so much for being so awesome!

Jwilson18 - Thank you so much for the review. The Shelby/Quinn scene was incredibly sad. I really enjoy writing it. The ending was sad too but there is more to come and it's difficult for anyone to predict what happens with the kids...However, I know no matter what they will never give up on each other. We will see what happened. I hope you like the sequel but of course, I need to finish Open first. I guarantee what I have planned thus far for the sequel looks to be like a rollercoaster in the least.

croque - Thank you for the review! I loved the talk between Quinn and Shelby too!

**Author's Note: I know that I've been tempting you all with the trial for so long. I'm impatient for it too. I'm definitely getting to it and it's expected to be in the next chapter, but as you know I'm a perfectionist and I've been trying to do my best to mold and shape this story around this family with such tender loving care as possible. Additionally, I want to let you all know that you shouldn't expect a written version of Law and Order for the trial chapter. I am very focused on the concept of experience of the trial rather than the trial itself. I am more interested in getting ready to go to the trial and its aftermath, rather than the action in the courtroom. It's a process and I'm fascinated for focused on that process. Thank you so much for your patience and your continuous support. **

**On my tumblr, I posted a link to a screen play of Open Wounds by Allythewriter (allythewriter(.)tumblr(.)com.) She did a fabulous job! You should check it out.  
>You can find it at allythewriter(.)tumblr(.)compost/41958271606/open-wounds-tv-pilot-script or  
>(( ))kvisit(.)com(())S1oTZAg**

********Also, please check out my Tumblr where I've posted the trailer for Open Wounds and its sequel. SO AMAZING! Don't worry I won't be starting the sequel with a great deal of attention until after Open Wounds is completed. :)********

**Thank you so much for your patience! **

...

Shelby sighed and looked at Patrick. She wasn't sure where to begin.

"So," she said with a smile.

"So," he replied back. "It's Christmas time."

"Yes," she said with a slight smile. "Two weeks left or something like that?"

"Do you think the reason why you're here is the same?" he asked.

She gave a nod. "Yes, I think that I still need to be here. Christmas is hardest and that's why I originally started coming to you."

"I remember," he nodded. "Christmas is what brought up all of those memories. Does it still?"

"Yes and no," she said. "It's more like a feeling that I always get."

"What kinds of feelings?"

"Like I forgot something," she said almost without a beat. She thought for a moment. "It's that feeling that you get when you leave the house and you're not sure if you locked the door."

"Like you left something behind?' he asked.

"Yes," she said distantly. "I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up one day and those feelings will be gone. Perhaps I won't trace my thumb on my ring finger and I won't have to remind myself that I took off the rings years ago. I know this isn't healthy and that's why I'm still here..."

"And you tried dating?"

"It's just too much for the kids right now and..." she trailed off.

"And what?" he asked.

She met his gaze. "I can't help but compare him to Leroy. I know it's wrong, but the whole time I'm thinking of how Leroy would make a snide comment or judgement about the person."

He sighed. "How about friends?"

She gave him a slight glare and roll of her eyes. "Did you just ask me if I have friends?"

"Do you?" he asked.

She gave a laugh but then saw that he was staring at her, patiently waiting for an answer. "Yes," she deadpanned. Patrick arched his brow. "Well, not close friends. I don't have time for close friends."

"Maybe you should make time, Shelby," he offered.

"Have you looked at my life lately?" she laughed. "My social calendar isn't really my priority."

"If you can't let a friend into your life, Shel, how do you expect to let a lover into your life? You know as well as I do that he's not coming back. You're the one that has the ability to make your life a tragedy. Set expectations, Shelby. Set goals. In ten years... in twenty years where do you see yourself." He searched her eyes carefully. "Maybe start with casual dating. Instead of looking for a future. Search for something better." He paused against as if he was considering something that he didn't know that he could say. "Have you considered going to a support group?"

"I won't help those people in those groups, Pat. I'll make them think, Crap, in ten years, I'll still be pining? I'll be the pathetic one."

"Do you think you're pathetic?" he challenged.

She swallowed and met his gaze for a moment and then looked away . "What else am I? He's not coming back and I still … I still sleep on my side of the bed."

"Having room for him still in your life is different from saving room for him in your life."

"Is there a difference?" she asked quietly.

"Try making little steps. After things calm down, try to find more things to do on your own."

"It's not about me, Patrick," she urged. "My social life is not my priority."

"Didn't you tell me a few weeks ago that Rachel was asking Noah to move on so that she could?" Patrick asked.

Shelby stared back at him with conflicted anguish. "It's different. I'm their mother."

"Is it different?" He leaned forward and rested his forearms on his legs. "I'm not asking for you to change who you are, Shelby, I'm asking you to try to move forward. And honestly, it sounds like they are too. You're not leaving them behind for having a life. Do something you love again... maybe give lessons? You don't have to start this instant but maybe make a list of ideas. Just think about it?"

She gave a slight scoff. "I … I will try after the trial," she stated, shaking her head.

"I saw the girls out there when you came in," he said as he nodded toward the door.

Shelby shook her head and gave a subtle shrug as she emerged slightly from the vulnerable shell he has coaxed her into. "Yeah, we're doing errands after this. I'm trying to get them more out of the house." Patrick arched his brow. "And my sister is at work and my mother has a migraine and my brother-in-law was driving to the airport to pick up my father, who stayed in Florida for a few extra days. The three of them are fine together now. I realized they were getting antsy in the house."

"No more fighting?"

Shelby shook her head and knocked on the wood table. "Nope. They're fine. I just don't want them staying home alone. I know it sounds silly because San and Quinn are sixteen-"

"But given the circumstances," Patrick finished. "Anyone would understand. And how is the trial going?" he asked with a heavy sigh.

"How do you think?" she looked toward the closed door where the girls were waiting on the other side. "We're all on edge but … We'll see."

She became quiet as she rethought her statement.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Elyse thinks that we might have to get the crisis teams involved or check them into facilities if things go wrong," she said quietly.

"And what do you think?"

She shook her head. "I don't think that any of them would be able to deal with that. They won't see it as me helping them. They'll see it as me abandoning them." She looked at her hands. "I wouldn't be able to handle that."

"But you're not," Patrick said. Shelby looked up at him

"That's not the point," she said. "The point is that it'll do more harm than good." She looked at the clock. "See you next week?"

He nodded. "Shelby," he called when she reached for the door. She turned with a sigh. "Take care of yourself."

"I am," she said quickly. "See you next week."

She walked out into the waiting area and Rachel was leaning back into Santana from the older girl's lap and Quinn had her head rested on Santana's shoulder as Santana flipped through a magazine for all of their viewing.

"This completely looks like homework," Shelby said with an amused grin.

"It is," Rachel said. "We're comparing how different forms of media portray different celebrities."

"Yeah, yeah," Shelby rolled her eyes as she grabbed the girls' coats from the rack. "You can continue your research later. Let's get out of here."

Christmas shopping was certainly not her favorite thing to do and with four children, two nephews, parents, a sister and a brother-in-law, it wasn't an easy task to accomplish. Last year, Noah, Santana and Rachel went shopping on their own, but … Shelby frowned. Perhaps she was being too protective. Actually, she knew she probably was. Tough shit, she told herself.

"Mom, can Quinn and I go and pick out a presents for you and Rachel?" Santana asked as they pulled into the parking lot.

Quinn opened her mouth to speak but Santana elbowed her.

"Maybe," Shelby said. "However, I want us to start as a group first. Remember, we're here to shop for everyone else."

"I… I…don't have any money," Quinn stated.

"Mom's going to pay for it," Santana said.

"You buy everyone's gifts?" Quinn asked as she turned to look at her.

Shelby rolled her eyes. "Yes, I guess you can say that. You kids are expected to not exceed twenty dollars on any gift for anyone. I expect you all to make something for everyone in the family. Santana, please don't make something snarky for your cousin like you did last year."

Santana folded her arms with a huff. "It wasn't that bad of a gift."

"Mumma, I have twenty dollars," Rachel called from the back seat.

"I think I have some money too at home," Quinn stated, but then trailed off as she started to calculate in her head how much money she would have to spend if she bought everyone something.

Shelby pulled into a parking space. "Remember, guys, you're not obligated to buy anything. A simple card -"

"Can be as special as the most expensive diamond," Santana and Rachel sang back to her. Santana with a roll of her eyes and Rachel with an affirming smile.

Shelby gave Quinn a thoughtful look, trying to silence the girl's obvious worry that was gracing the blonde's features.

Rachel bit her lip and looked at the crowded parking lot. She leaned forward and rested her chin on the back of her mother's seat. "Can I wait in the car?" she whispered.

"How will you help us from the car?" Shelby asked as she climbed out of the car.

Rachel leaned back in her seat as she set her jaw in thought with a tilt of her head. Shelby opened her passenger door causing her to jump as Quinn and Santana climbed out the other side. Shelby took her hand gently.

"I'll be with you the whole time," she said softly as she kissed her lightly on the head. "Remember we talked about this and this was your idea. All four of us will be together. You can help me push the cart. It'll be fine."

Rachel gave a nod. "Yeah," she mumbled. "It'll be fine."

Shelby nodded and squeezed her hand as they walked toward the store. "Yeah, it will be."

Rachel was glued to the cart and glued to Shelby as they wove up and down the aisles of Target.

"Santana, we are not getting Noah a power drill," she called out to the girl who has grabbed the countless thing off of a random shelf.

"I think it would be a fun gift," Quinn stated and receiving nod of approval from Santana.

"I thought so," Santana said with a smile.

"Is it less than twenty dollars?" Shelby asked for almost the millionth time that visit.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Fine. I don't know what we're getting everyone."

Quinn rolled her eyes and chose to go a more practical route. "Did he ask for something?"

"Earphones," Rachel called from the cart. She was standing on the bar of the cart and holding on to area where you pushed, her mother's hands were on either side of her body. "The ones with the little 'b' on the side."

Shelby looked at the girls for guidance.

"We can't get those here, Rach," Santana stated.

"Oh," she said as she leaned back against her mother.

"Rach, as light as you are, it's hard to push the cart and you when you're leaning back into me," Shelby stated, nudging her up to lean more on the cart than on her. "Girls, while you're here, let's get any toiletries you need too please."

They turned into the toiletries aisle and Santana stared at the tampons as if she were making a huge life decision. Rachel climbed down from the cart and stood next to her sister, trying to decipher what she was looking so closely at.

"Quinn, you finished the medicine for -" Shelby started quietly only to have Quinn glare at her with a mixture of mortification, anxiety and despair. Shelby leaned closer to her and rubbed her back, hushing her softly. "I'm sorry. Have you started your period yet?" she asked even more quietly.

Quinn just stared back at her for a beat and then her eyes darted as Santana talked to Rachel about the difference between Playtex Pearl Tampons and Tampax as Rachel looked at her with a confused tilt of the head. Quinn tried to recall if she had been regular since she... Her thoughts trailed off. She didn't want to think about when she was responsible for someone other than herself and she failed. She remembered the doctor telling her a few weeks ago that after the... she couldn't even say it in her head... After _that _cleared, she was supposed to be regular again. Quinn continued to avoid Shelby's eyes.

"Quinn?" Shelby asked again. The blonde looked up at her. Shelby continued barely above a whisper. "You need to tell me when you start. Why don't we get you some stuff for when you start?"

Quinn still didn't respond but silently grabbed a box of tampons and put them into the cart as Santana returned to the cart with Rachel. Rachel climbed back onto the bar as her mother continued down the aisle.

"I'll never need those," Rachel said quietly to her mother.

Shelby sighed. "Yes, you will, bug," she said quietly kissing the top of her head. Rachel leaned back against her again, this time Shelby didn't protest.

"How about this?" Quinn asked pointing to a blender. The family looked at her confused. "He drinks Rachel and my shakes maybe he can make them for himself in college..." It was as if when the words left her mouth that she realized that she sounded ridiculous.

"Okay," Shelby said as she rested her chin on the top of Rachel's head. "Why don't we go get some stocking stuffers?"

Her voice was quiet as she watched Santana watch Rachel. Rachel had stopped "believing" in Santa Claus few years ago, much to Santana's disappointment. It was just another piece of childhood that Santana felt like she couldn't preserve. Rachel was almost indignant about the let down. Rachel couldn't wrap her head about it. She didn't understand the lie behind Santa. She knew that all parents didn't mean to lie to children... but they did. To make them think there was a Santa? and bad things didn't happen? She always asked these questions, but they were louder during the holidays. Nevertheless, she was a grateful that he wasn't real because then that meant that he wasn't sneaking into the house at night.

"Mumma, Quinn doesn't have a stocking," Rachel whispered.

Quinn's head snapped up. "I don't... I don't need one. I-"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Oh, stop."

Quinn shot her a glare.

"Quinn already has one," Shelby said as she guided the girls toward the candy aisle.

"What?" Quinn asked.

"Nana is almost finished yours," Shelby said casually.

"Nana made all of ours, Quinn," Rachel said with a beam of proud.

Quinn looked at Shelby but the woman only gave her a nod and a calm smile. "Alright, we usually do a mixture of candy, fruit, and little stuff. Of course, I'll take care of most of it."

The blonde stood there looking at the selection of things. She was getting a stocking. She blinked a few times and let it sink in. She was getting a stocking. She couldn't help but smile a little.

….

Rachel leaned against Santana's side quietly.

"I think I need to tell her that I'm sorry again," she said as she looked out the window as Sugar sat in the backseat with her arms folded as Holly talked to her with the door open.

"Why?" Santana asked as she followed Rachel's gaze and then looked back at her. "You apologized to her already."

Rachel looked up at her. "Sort off," but she's really sad about it. Look at her. She doesn't even want to get out of the car," she said pointing toward the window.

"It's probably not about you," Santana assured as Holly came through the front door with her things.

"Well, Sugar doesn't want to come inside because she's still mad at Rachel," Holly stated as Shelby took her things.

Rachel glared up at her sister as if to say "I told you so."

Rachel stood and walked into the entryway, not noticing that she interrupted the conversation between Holly and her mother simply by her presence.

"Yes, Rach?" Shelby asked with quiet amusement.

"I believe that I can get her to come inside," she said with a slight sigh.

Shelby arched her brow. "You would like to try?"

Rachel gave a slight nod. "I would like to try," she said quietly. "I _am_ the one who made her upset."

Shelby searched her daughter's eyes for a moment. "Alright. Want me to walk you out?"

The eleven year old gave a nod. "Please."

When they arrived at the car, Sugar was frowning as deeply as she possibly could. When she finally saw Rachel standing at the window bundled up in her coat, she tried her best to frown even more deeply but her face would contort how it wanted.

"I do NOT want to speak with her!" Sugar stated in a huff.

"Please," Rachel asked as she tapped on the window. She continued in a louder voice. "My mumma will wait right here outside the car. She doesn't trust me in cars alone."

Sugar rolled her eyes. "No," she said with a bark. "I don't want to do that. We are not friends."

"I will talk to you through this window, but it's so silly and preposterous, but I will!" She rubbed her arms and looked at her mother to give them a moment. Shelby concealed her smile and gave a small nod and walked a few feet away.

"I'm sorry," Rachel called through the glass. She groaned at the face that she was speaking to through glass. "Sugar, please, this is silly. I don't want to speak with you through a window."

Sugar folded her arms. "What are you going to say?"

"I going to say I'm sorry. I don't know how to be friend, but I want to try," she said. "I know what I said was mean. I said it because I was angry about stuff but not at you and making you feel badly was all I could do-"

"That's stupid!" Sugar snapped.

"I know," Rachel said sincerely. "You just say stuff that's on your mind and you never think about how it'll affect other people."

"You just told me you did the same thin," Sugar snapped back.

Rachel frowned. That was true. "Well... I …. um...Okay..." she sighed.

"I'm still sad that you said what you said. We have to be friends... If we're not friends, hen we don't have any friends," she said simply.

"That's not true," Rachel protested.

"It is," Sugar said. "You don't have any friends either."

"I do too! Kurt is my friend."

"His brother was mean to your sisters in a grown up way that my aunt won't tell me so that usually means it involved sex." Shelby's head turned slowly to the conversation. Sugar continued and the train continued to drive out of control and was teetering as if about to derail. "You can't be friends with him by association. Plus," she continued casually. "You didn't have any friends and that's why you became best friends with your teacher and he hurt you."

Shelby's head shot up at Sugar's words. She watched Rachel carefully. She became extraordinarily quiet and still. Sugar lacked tact. She didn't realize what she said had not only hit a nerve, but hit Rachel hard. Rachel seemed to shrink next to the car. Shelby opened her mouth and was about to approach but Rachel finally spoke.

"That's true," she mumbled. "But that was mean too."

"But it's true," Sugar argued.

"But it's mean too," Rachel said tearfully catching her eye. "I'm sorry for what I said to you and I hope you're sorry for what you just said to me."

Sugar looked at her slowly and her frown melted away. "Maybe we don't know how to be friends," she said quietly. Shelby almost missed what she said.

Rachel shrugged. "Maybe... but we can try..."

Sugar watched her for a moment and the girl reached out and opened the door. "You can sit if you want to."

"I would rather sit inside," Rachel replied as she wiped her eyes.

Sugar sighed. "Me too..." she finally said.

….

"What are we doing?" Quinn asked from behind Santana.

"We're watching thing 1 and thing 2 have a conversation," she stated simply.

Quinn watched Rachel stand outside the car door and speak to Sugar. "If they become obnoxious friends, I'm going to need a lot more to get through these tutoring sessions."

"Preach," she said as she collapsed on the couch and Quinn followed.

"Maybe they'll have a fight and then Holly won't have class," Quinn stated.

Santana scoffed. "Yeah, right."

Bear walked into the living room. "Being productive as always, girls?" he asked with a chuckle.

He began to quietly move the furniture in the corner.

"What are you doing?" Santana asked.

"Seriously?" he asked with a smile.

Santana's eyes darted. "Uh... yeah..."

"I'm getting the tree tonight, San," he said casually. "Remember?"

Santana blinked a few times. "Right," she said quietly. "Forgot..."

He nodded. "Okay," he nodded. "Are you-"

"I'm fine," she snapped as she avoided her uncle's eyes. She loved Quinn but rehashing her feelings about Christmas. It wasn't Quinn. She didn't do that with anyone.

"Do you girls want to come?" he asked.

"We're grounded," Santana said quickly.

"Maybe your mom will let you come anyway," he started.

"It's fine," Santana said quickly. "Noah might want to go. You can go." She nodded to Quinn but appeared to slowly disappearing into herself.

Everything around her seemed to get very quiet. It wasn't as simple as Christmas was perfection at one point and then it stopped. She wasn't the typical Scrooge. She loved Christmas because it reminded her of him, but she hated Christmas because it reminded her of him. Nothing was simple in her life. Not anymore.

_She gripped his hand hard as they wove through the lot. _

"_This is the challenge, Taz," he said as he walked through the parking lot. _

"_What is?"_

"_The best tree means a happy Christmas," he said. _

"_Christmas is always happy, Dad," she smiled. "Mumma says that Christmas is special because we're all together, but we're all always together." Santana narrowed her eyes. "Is this because it's your first Christmas without Mumma?... and we're not all living in the same house?" _

_Leroy stopped and looked at her. "I want this Christmas to be great and I know it will be." _

"_Then why are we looking for the best tree if we already will have a happy Christmas?" _

_He sighed. "You're a smart kid." He led her over to a bench. "You know why I love Christmas?" _

"_Because you get presents?" _

"_No," he laughed heartily. "Because it inspires people. Christmas is magic, Santana." _

"_No, it's not," she frowned. "Santa isn't real." _

"_How do you know?" he challenged. _

"_Because he can't deliver all those presents in one night," she said obviously. _

"_How do you know?" _

"_I just know," she said. "It's just not possible. Christmas is about being nice and sharing and being nicer than normal." _

"_That's not magic?" he smiled. _

_She scowled at him. "Daddy, I'm six... almost seven. You don't have to lie to me anymore. I only pretend to believe in Santa because Noah still does." _

"_That's nice of you, San," he laughed. "But I think magic exists everywhere, Taz." _

"_No, it doesn't," she said getting frustrated. "You don't live in my house anymore and you married someone that's not nice." _

_He sighed. "You haven't even reached double digits yet, San. You can't be this pessimistic." _

"_I don't know what that means," she said dryly. _

"_Christmas is magic not because people act better but they believe that they can be better," he said. _

"_Why can't they think that on Easter? They get candy and presents on Easter." _

"_Easter...is kinda like new beginnings. Christmas is more like happy, warm feelings all the time." He smiled and nudged her shoulder. "Magic." _

_She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You're silly. It's not magic. It's a trick" _

"_Maybe, but it can work," he said with a wink. "You have to let it." _

"Santana?"

She frowned and looked up at Rachel who was looking back at her with a determined look and Dugar by her side.

"You two have to be nice to her from now on," Rachel said simply.

Santana scowled and darted her eyes between the two babies … She rolled her eyes... To her, they were babies.

"Okay?" Rachel asked. as she looked at her sisters.

"Why?" Quinn asked.

"Because she's my friend," Rachel said with a soft smile at the girl.

Santana narrowed her eyes. "Whatever," she said. She turned to Sugar. "Don't piss me off, smurf."

"I'm not blue," she argued.

"Not yet," she said with an eyebrow arch.

"Santana," Rachel groaned. "Come on, Sugar. You can sit next to me today."

Quinn looked over at Santana. " I think I liked it when they were pulling each other's hair."

"Truth," Santana replied.

….

Shelby pulled up to Noah's school later that afternoon and spotted him waiting near the curb chatting with Sam and Mike. He waved off his friends and climbed into the car. He smiled at her and greeted her quietly.

"Hey, ma."

"Hey," she smiled as she pulled out of the parking lot. "How was school? Learn anything new?"

He shrugged. "No... "

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he smiled.

"Noah," she said.

He shrugged. "It's just weird being there without them and this is the first day that I didn't look for them."

"It's okay to miss them," she said as they pulled into the McDonald's parking lot.

He smiled. "Have you told them that you do this? You hate McDonald's. I'm not complaining. You know I'm always hungry but..."

"Well, then tell me what you want. I'm doing it because Nana is getting the girls something at home, and you have an appetite that easily met by this place. Though, it's not good for your heart. Everything in moderation.

They walked inside and Noah ordered. His mother didn't like the smell in the car.

He shoveled from fries into his mouth. "I don't know, ma... What if I do this and they don't need me?"

"They'll always need you, they just might not need you to hold them up like you do now. That's a good thing"

He sighed. "They... they have each other and now... I'll go away and … it's not like that they needed me before."

"Noah," Shelby said gently.

He shrugged. "I'm never going to stop supporting them but... what if they don't need me?"

"Like I said, they'll always need you," she said as she reached over and stole a fry.

"Yeah, I guess so."

Shelby watched him carefully as she searched his brow.

He continued. "I just... I … I don't know..."

She reached across and took his hand. "You know why they need you? Because you show them every day that you're an incredible brother and young man. Just by being you."

"But I don't feel needed... at all... like... like if I …." he trailed off and took a bite of his burger.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothin'," he shrugged. He gave his mother a weak smile. "You can't make them need me, Ma. I guess it's good that they don't though."

"They'll need you so much during this trial, sweetheart," she said gently. "I need you."

"I don't feel needed, Ma..." He shrugged. "McDonald's and one on one time with you won't fix that."

Shelby sighed and squeezed his hand tightly. "I will always need you and so do they."

He nodded and continued to eat his food silently.

For the rest of the evening, all she could think about was how Noah was quietly retreating into himself. In so many ways they all were. She peeked in on the girls one last time. The three of them were now cramping all into Quinn's bed. None of the girls spoke about it; it had almost become habit. Shelby closed the door and walked quietly down the hall and retucked Noah in. She understood what he had said. She saw the girls relying on themselves and each other and not on him. No one was trying to hurt him; it was unintentional. It just happened.

She leaned against her pillows and turned her lights out. Finish up a Christmas list. Buy more protein powder for the girls. Talk with Santana and maybe have Noah spend time with Rachel. A storm is supposed to come. Does Quinn have gloves? She should get Quinn some gloves. She continued to make a list as she eased into sleep.

_The girls were huddled around the island as they closed the computer. _

"_Mom, he didn't answer," Rachel whined. _

"_Who didn't?" Shelby asked, noticing that Rachel looked slightly older. Maybe she was imagining it. _

"_Noah," Rachel said with a roll of her eyes. _

"_Where is he?" Shelby asked as she opened the refrigerator._

"_Are you feeling okay?" Quinn asked. "Noah is at school. Did you forget?" _

_Shelby gave a nervous smile. "No, of course not... What school?" _

"_Ohio State," Santana replied. "Mom, are you okay?" _

_She nodded. "I'm fine." _

_She sipped her coffee and stared at the dark liquid but when she looked up she was at work. Her office didn't feel like her office. This was weird, she thought to herself. _

_Ringing. _

_The phone was ringing. Where is the phone? She looked around and finally found the phone at the window. Weird. She would never put her phone by the window. It made no sense. _

"_Hello?" _

"_Mrs. Corcoran?" _

"_Yes? This is she." _

"_Ma'am, I need you to come down to Columbus." _

"_Is my son okay?" _

"_Ma'am, I need you to come to St. Peter's hospital in Columbus." Shelby felt a twist of her organs. St. Peter... wasn't he the patron saint of fishermen. She suddenly was in her car, gripping her steering wheel. Did she even tell anyone where she was going? _

_She walked through the doors. Was this the hospital? Where were the doctors? One passed. Then another. There they are. She braced herself. Was he okay? He was okay. He had to be. _

"_What's going on? My son, Noah Corcoran, is here," she said anxiously to the woman behind the counter. _

"_One moment," the receptionist said with a ridiculous smile. _

"_I don't want to wait one moment!" she hollered. "Where the hell is my son!?" _

_Shelby looked around frantically, wishing that she brought someone with her. She should have told her sister. She should have... Why didn't she do that? Where was her cellphone?_

"_Ma'am, come with me," someone suddenly said._

_She walked down the hallway. Her heels were clicking on the floor and echoing in the hallways. Why were her shoes so loud?_

"_... Drinking at Ohio State... Found in the park... Couldn't revive... identify..." _

_She took a step forward even though all she wanted to do is take a step back. She couldn't handle this. She just couldn't. She couldn't look at this. She couldn't look at a dead body that might be the dead body of her son. Her heart stopped at the thought. _

_She looked at the woman again with pained eyes. Her mouth was moving, she was still talking. What was she saying? She looked toward her right and Shelby followed her gaze. There was a body under a sheet. _

_There was a body under a sheet, she repeated to herself. _

_She felt her heart quicken as she saw a person near the body. She's was going to lift the sheet. Shelby felt her hand on her chest as the sheet was lifted. _

Shelby sat up in bed with a gasp. She breathed heavily. Where was she? Where was she? She had felt the heels on her feet. She had felt the steering wheel. It all seemed so real. She threw back her covers and grabbed a sweatshirt and patted as quietly as she could down the hallway.

She didn't need to see his face to know that it was Noah in her dream. She knew.

She opened Noah's door. He was snoring.

He was alive. She leaned back against the door frame and let her body slide to the floor. It had all felt real, too real. She breathed heavily and felt a tear on her cheek. She closed her eyes in an effort to ease the anxiety from her dream.

"Mumma?"

She opened her eyes and immediately squinted. It was bright.

"Mumma, why are you sleeping on the floor?"

Shelby grunted slightly when she felt Rachel sit in her lap. She sighed and wrapped her arms around her youngest child.

"You're sleeping sitting up and Noah's floor is dirty," Rachel continued.

"I just... I wanted to watch him sleep. He won't always be down the hallway," Shelby said quietly. "What time is it?"

"Seven oh three," she said with a yawn.

Shelby rolled her eyes. Of course it was. She sighed and rubbed her hands up and down Rachel's arms. "What are you doing up so early, bug?"

"I was awake," she said quietly.

"Yeah?"

Rachel nodded again.

Shelby felt her body ache in stiffness. She couldn't believed that she had slept on the floor and no one found her and woke her up until now. It was late, of course everyone was asleep and no one would wake up before her baby bug.

"Alright, bug, let me stand up and stretch and then we'll go and make breakfast for everyone," she said with a smile with a mix of a groan.

"What are you doing on the floor?"

They looked up and Helen was looking down at them with disapproval.

"Mumma wanted to watch Noah sleep because he won't sleep here as much anymore once he goes to college," Rachel said simply.

Helen arched her brow. "Really?"

"Yes, mother," Shelby said with a sigh pushing Rachel gently to stand and getting to her own feet with a groan. "Breakfast?" she asked with a smile.

"Shelby-" Helen began.

"Come on, bug, let's go downstairs," Shelby stated looking at Rachel and avoiding her mother. She led her down the hallway.

….

Quinn frowned and stared at the tree. For once she was grateful for her lack of spleen. She didn't have to help bring it in a week ago and she didn't have to wrap it in lights and popcorn. She sighed as she remembered that they had to string popcorn. Quinn believed that it was a waste of good popcorn and was sure that the birds would fly into the house and eat it off of the tree themselves.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked as she sat next to her. She followed her gaze. "Don't worry. We're doing ornaments tonight. We want to wait to put up the ornaments. It's a process."

Quinn gave a quiet nod, feeling a slight pang of confusion at the fact that these traditions weren't her own.

"Hi," Shelby said as she walked into the room with a box in her arms.

"See," Rachel said pointing to them. "Told ya."

Quinn watched from the couch as the family began to decorate the tree. Bear had brought the tree but apparently they had their own tree at home. This was the Corcoran tree, Quinn inferred, as Joey sat on the couch idly flipping through paper work. Quinn was happy that she was actually working. She was starting to get concerned for the lawyer that she was out of work. And even worse, Quinn was starting to think that the reason she was out of work was because of something that Quinn had done... because the family was put through something that she put in motion.

She watched as Santana, Noah and Rachel hung ornaments that clearly meant something. They weren't generic ball ornaments. They clearly all had a story. Some of them were falling apart. Others of them were so disgustingly gross in the craft department that she just imagined Noah coming home with the ugly craft and a look of accomplishment on his smiling face. She could also imagine Shelby coveting it as if it was an original Monet.

Shelby sat next to her and she looked at her with a small shoe box.

"I'm not making you any ugly ornaments," she said dryly.

Shelby smiled. "Hey, now," she said gently.

"What's that?" Quinn asked as she pointed at the box.

"These," Shelby said popping off the lid. "Are your ornaments."

"What?" she asked with a pause.

"Well, they might not be exactly the same as the others... but... there are sixteen ….," she said with a smile. "Typically, I buy the kids one new one every year. You weren't paying attention, I already gave them theirs just now." Quinn frowned and looked into the box. "You moved in with us in... September? You've been with us for about sixteen weeks. I bought you an ornament every week."

"When?" she asked with still a blank face, avoiding Shelby's eyes but staring at the the box. "You're always with us... and... you didn't know if I was going to stay ….."

"I always knew I was going to give them to you," Shelby said quietly.

"Really?" she asked with a frown. She looked at the box skeptically. She swallowed her anxiety. "I um... I …. thank you?" she mumbled. She looked up at the woman. "You didn't have to do this."

"I know but-"

"I mean you didn't have to catch me up with the others... I …. I already feel like a part of the family..."

"I know you do," Shelby smiled pulling her into her side. "You are undoubtedly a part of this family. If you want to put these ornaments in the box upstairs you can."

True to her word, Shelby had found a large box from the garage and put it in Quinn's room soon after their conversation. Santana and Rachel were asking about it but Shelby always told them to mind their business.

Quinn chewed her lip. "How about we just put up one," she muttered.

Shelby gave a small smile. "Absolutely."

"Will you pick it?" Quinn asked.

Shelby nodded. "Why don't I narrow it down to two and then you pick one from there? There's no right or wrong answer."

Shelby narrowed the box down to two ornaments. Quinn was able to glance at all of them that Shelby had picked out. The woman had put so much thought into it all. There was one with a cheering pom pom, a simple tree, a gardenia, a paint brush, a stack of pancakes and bacon. Quinn laughed quietly. That was a little silly, she thought to herself. Who else would want pancakes and bacon? There was also a chain saw ornament. Quinn glared at Shelby as she took out that ornament.

"Really?"

"Irony and a sense of humor is a necessity in life," Shelby said with a wink and a smile, kissing Quinn gently on the temple. "Someday you'll find it funny."

Shelby then set two ornaments in her hands. One was a small group of shepherds standing under a star and the other was a lion cuddled with a lamb.

Quinn felt tears sting her eyes as she stared at these ornaments. Everything was so carefully thought out. She didn't need to know what they stood for. She had an idea and that was enough. It was enough to know that she was thought of. That she meant enough.

She wanted to thank her but she just didn't know how so she reached out and wrapped her arms around Shelby's neck in a hug. She hugged tighter. She didn't want to let go.

"The lion and the lamb," she whispered.

"Okay," Shelby said as she rubbed her back.

"What's going on?" she heard Rachel whisper.

"Quinn's crying over ornaments," Noah whispered back.

"Oh," Rachel said back.

"Knock it off and help me," Santana complained.

"Three of you come here for a second," Helen called from the doorway. "I have some snacks that you would like to try."

"You're just trying to get us to leave," Quinn heard Rachel say, but the blonde wouldn't let go in her hug. She heard the others leave the room.

Shelby's hand rubbed her back and the rested her head more relaxed on her shoulder.

"Thank you," she heard herself whisper.

"Anytime," Shelby replied.

"Will you put it up?" she asked meekly as she pulled away and wiped the tears that she didn't realize were on her face.

"Absolutely," Shelby said kissing her on her head. She stood and walked over to the tree, found the ornament's perfect place and hung it. "Perfect."

…..

Santana propped her hand on her hip and looked at the child easel that they had propped up with a list of items.

Facial

Massage

Candles

A puppy

Chocolate

"This list is basically a spa day," she said looking at the list. "Besides the puppy," she said with a frown at Rachel who shrugged from Quinn's lap.

"Then let's get her that," Noah said as he chewed loudly on his piece of gum.

"We can't just give her a spa day for Christmas," Rachel said. "She needs to unwrap it."

"We can put it in an envelope," Quinn said as she combed Rachel's hair out of the tiny girl's face.

"She needs a break from us," Noah said. "I think a spa day would be good."

Rachel scrunched her nose. "Why does she need a break from us?" she asked looking at her sisters.

Santana glared at her brother with an arch of her brow. "She just needs some her time," Noah attempted again. "The real question is are we going to give her one big gift from all of us or something individual from all of us?" Noah asked.

"I …. I want to give her something from me... but I want to give her something from all of us too..." Quinn muttered. "What I give her will be small."

Santana nodded. "Okay.. I think that I agree."

Noah sighed. "Okaaaaay."

"Stop pouting. You know you can't just piggy back on the main gift. You need to figure out something yourself" Santana snapped at her brother.

"Who made you captain of this meeting?" he said with a sneer.

She threw him a glare. "Okay," she continued. "Why don't I talk to Bear and see if he wants to get Joey the same package and then Mom can go with someone.-"

"And that he can pay for more of it," Noah interrupted.

He received another glare from the girls.

"Alright, I think we're good," Santana said. "It's settled."

Santana leaned back and thought about what she was going to give her mother. She's not a giver... or at least not naturally. She always forgot birthdays and was fine with giving presents and never seeing people open them. However, Christmas was the one holiday that she put an effort into her gifts with her family. She narrowed her eyes. She never really took Griffin seriously as her family so her gift to him of a gardening manure pellets felt perfect.

She let her gaze fall on her sisters. Quinn looked thoughtful as if she were at war with herself about what the best present would be. Her gaze settled on Rachel who also looked strangely torn and pensive but she was staring at the list with deep concentration. There was a flicker in Rachel's eyes that reminded her before she did something stupid. She followed Rachel's gaze and looked back at the list. Then it clicked.

"No," she said as she crossed her arms and looked at her youngest sister. "Absolutely not."

"What?" Rachel asked with a defensive frown.

"No puppy. Nope. Nope. They're too much work."

"We can all help!" Rachel said. "It would be the most glorious surprise ever! I promise and -"

"No," Santana replied shaking her head. "No. No."

Rachel sighed and leaned back into Quinn. She looked up at the blonde. "It would have been the most magnificent and sensational present in the whole wide world, Q-bear."

"I know, bug," she whispered still combing her hair idly. "But no puppy, okay?"

Rachel sighed and leaned against Quinn. "Glorious," she whispered to herself.

….

Santana stared down at her work as she and Brittany sat in the breakfast booth in the kitchen. She could feel Brittany looking at her but she couldn't look up. She wasn't sure what to say. Despite being grounded, Noah had been allowed to go to the basketball gym and Brittany was able to come over.

"So what are we doing? We don't have to do homework," Brittany said gently. "We can watch a movie or something. Quinn and Rachel are upstairs napping." She gave a smile. "Or..." she said moving closer. "You can kiss me and tell me how much you've missed me."

Santana looked up with a blush. "I have missed you," she said with a small smile. She leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips. Brittany kissed her back. "A lot," she said with another kiss.

"Ditto," she said with a smile. She moved closer to her. "We don't have to do anything at all, but I would rather do nothing with you instead of watching you do work," she muttered as she idly traced her finger over the top of Santana's hand.

Santana sighed and set down her things and sat next to her with a smile. She leaned her head on her shoulder.

"I bought you something for Christmas," Santana whispered quietly.

"You did?" Brittany asked.

"Yeah," Santana muttered.

"I didn't bring your present. You didn't tell me that we were exchanging presents today-"

"You don't have to give anything to me," she said with a tiny grin.

"I know, but I want to," she said quietly taking her hand.

"Well... just... can I give you mine now? I think that I won't see you until after the new year and Christmas gifts after Christmas seem weird."

"That's what mine will be, silly," Brittany said kissing her softly. Santana rolled her eyes and the blonde caught on. "Oh... yours is the present that matters, the one that you give." She laughed heartily. "I'm going to beat you at your own game someday," she said with a smile. "Go get it."

Santana went upstairs and was back down in a few minutes. She came down and offered her a perfectly wrapped and exquisitely bowed shoe box.

"Thank you," she grinned. "You set the bar high, Corcoran."

Santana watched anxiously as Brittany carefully opened the box. She didn't know where they stood on a girlfriend level in the gift giving department but Santana knew that she had known Brittany for a long time and she felt that this would be the best thing she knew how to give. When she finally opened the box, Brittany paused. Santana felt her heart stop. Did she not like it?

"Santana," she said carefully. The blonde looked up and Santana could see that Brittany was close to tears.

"Don't cry," Santana said gently. "I just... I remembered that when we were ten years old you told me that someday when you meet your prince and fall in love that you would know that he truly loved you back only if he-"

"If he gave me the moon. Because then that meant he loved me to the moon and back," Brittany whispered. She took out the small snow globe with the moon crest in the middle.

Santana gave an embarrassed shrug. "I'm not smart enough to be an astronaut and I also posses more social skills than they do so …. I couldn't go to the moon- Plus I'm only sixteen, but... I am... I didn't want to bring the moon closer and I …. just wanted to let you know that...I don't need to go to the moon to know that I love you, but I thought -"

Brittany took her hand and kissed her with soft tender care. Santana sunk into the kiss and kissed her back. Finally they came up for air. "This is perfect," Brittany muttered. "Thank you."

Santana wiped her tears away. "I'm glad you like it."

"I have my present ready for you at home," she said with a smile. "Maybe I can bring it by later?"

Santana gave a shrug and a nod. "I think that'll be okay."

"Maybe I can call my mom and ask her to bring it when she comes to get me," she said perking up. "I'll do that right now. Don't move."

Santana rolled her eyes and leaned back in her seat. She was left with her thoughts as she watched the girl disappear around the corner to call her mother. This was what she wanted, to give the perfect gift. However, she felt a strange sensation in her chest... like she was going to ruin it...as if she was waiting to mess it all up. Even after something as perfect executed as that, Santana was caught in her head waiting for the happiness in her heart to make its exit. It was as if her heart knew that happiness didn't have a home there.

"She's going to drop it off when she gets me," Brittany said with a smile. "I think you're really going to like it."

Santana silenced the voices in her head and smiled back. "Yeah, I bet I will."

…

Shelby walked through the hallway. The house was settled. Her parents were asleep in Rachel's room; Noah was snoring and the girls were-She paused as she looked at Quinn's large bed. Rachel. Quinn. Where was Santana? She sighed and walked through the bathroom into her eldest daughter's room. Santana was sitting up in bed with her back facing her mother; her head was bowed.

"Sanny?" Shelby called. "You alright? You have been quiet today since Brit left -"

Shelby walked to the other side of the bed to see a CD in her daughter's hand. She sat next to her and kissed her gently. "What's that?"

Santana didn't answer right away. Her silence was killing her.

"San?" Shelby said again reaching out and running her hand over her daughter's back.

Santana jumped slightly and looked up at her mother with a frown. "She um... I ….. It's my Christmas gift."

"Yeah? What is it?" she asked.

"It's um... outtakes," she said quietly.

"Of what?"

"Daddy's old recording sessions," she whispered. Santana felt tears sting her eyes. "She found them online and used some equipment to cut them... and she made a CD …. I …. I ….. I didn't know what to say... I don't know …. if I'm thankful for this. I think I am but I …. She thinks I'm mad... but I ….. can't... I don't know what to do..." She looked up at her mother and shrugged one of her shoulders. "I don't know if I can listen."

"That's okay," Shelby said gently. "You don't have to until you're ready. I know I wouldn't be ready to listen right away if I received that gift." She said honestly.

Santana rested her head on her mother's shoulder as she felt her tears run down her cheeks. "I don't know what to say to her."

"Why don't you start with thanks," Shelby offered. "It's late though, so you can call her tomorrow."

Santana nodded from where she had her head rested. She wiped her nose with the back of her hand. "Will you stay with me tonight?" she whispered.

"I can't imagine being anywhere else," Shelby said softly hugging her eldest daughter to her chest.

Santana was asleep in the matter of minutes. The exhaustion of her heart and the loudness of her brain. Shelby had her arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders as Santana's head was leaning on her chest. She couldn't remember the last time that Santana was curled into her and not curled around Rachel. She was grateful for that moment with Santana, but she also knew that Santana needing her was a sign of rare vulnerability in her daughter.

Shelby ran her hand idly through Santana's hair, remembering how her daughter's hair hadn't always been as tame. She chuckled to herself; Santana hadn't always been as tame as she was now. Shelby knew that her daughter couldn't be broken in order to be tamed. She would escape further into herself and in so many ways, Santana would lose herself completely.

Shelby felt her breath hitch in her throat. She was scared because it wasn't only a theory. It was a possibility. They were in so many ways standing on a precipice. and Shelby was so scared that if she reacted a half of a second too late, she would lose her. She would lose all of them and just because they slipped through her fingers. She was scared about not being fast enough.

_Shelby combed her hand through her hair. Okay, she thought to herself. Everything was perfect. The table was perfect. It was all …. Shelby trailed off and looked around her. She was at her home in Lima but she stared through the living room and was baffled because it looked like her living room in her New York apartment. She chewed her bottom lip. _

"_Kids?" she called._

"_Yeah?" she heard Noah call. _

"_Where are the girls?" _

"_I don't know," Noah called. _

_Shelby put her dish towel down. Why was she always holding a damn dish towel? Because something was always spilling or dirty, she answered herself. _

"_Quinn?" she called. _

"_What?" _

"_Where are you?" _

"_Reading," she called back. "Rachel is with me... Okay she was... " _

"_Rach? San?" Shelby asked as she wandered through the house that kept flashing between her New York apartment and her Lima house. _

_She heard a knocking. It was so faint. She could barely hear it._

"_What is that?" she asked the house. _

_The knocking became more frantic. _

"_Guys? What is that? Rachel, Santana, answer me!" _

_Silence. The room kept changing. _

_Lima. _

_New York. _

_Silence. _

_Lima. _

_Tap. Tap. Tap. _

_Silence. _

_Shelby followed where she thought the sound was coming from. _

"_Mumma! She's stuck! She's stuck!" _

"_Rachel?" Shelby called. "Where are you?" _

"_Mumma, she's stuck!" She heard her youngest frantic voice. _

"_Rachel!" she kept moving toward the sound. _

_Tap. Tap. Tap. _

_Shelby ran to the girls' rooms. _

_Empty. _

_She ran to Noah's room. _

_Empty. _

_She ran to her room. The door to the attic was hatched. She climbed the ladder two rungs at a time. Rachel was banging on a tiny closet that Shelby has almost forgotten was there. She had blocked it years ago for this reason. She felt a punch in her stomach. This almost felt familiar. _

"_Mom," Santana sobbed from the other side. Shelby could hear her fists pound on the door. _

"_Honey, what happened?" _

_Santana continued to bang on the door with ferocity. "Mom! Please! LET ME OUT!" She couldn't breathe. She let out a sob. "PLEASE! PLEASE! I- I - I t's s-st-uck... Mom, please! Let me out of here!" Santana let out a hopeless sob as she banged on what Shelby guessed was the wall. "Please... I'm scared..." She let out a sob. "Please, Mumma." _

_Shelby could hear the panic in her daughter's voice. She could hear the strain in her breath. _

_Shelby banged her shoulder against the door. She remembered the door swung in. It should give. "Santana, move out of the way, sweetheart." _

_She could hear Santana's sobs becoming more strained. "Mumma, please," her voice was smaller now as she was banging on the side on the walls of the closet door. "It's dark in here." _

_Shelby ran at the door. She punched it. She kicked it. She somehow found a crowbar. She was going to get her kid out of there. Much to her surprise, the crowbar failed her. Everything was failing. Everything was falling apart expect that damn door. _

"_Santana!" Shelby called._

_Nothing. _

_There was no tapping. _

"_Santana, talk to me, baby," Shelby said. She looked behind her and Noah was standin there and Quinn was holding Rachel in her arms. "Noah, get me the power drill, I'm taking off this door." _

_Noah sprinted down the steps. _

"_Santana, I'm going to take off the door," she said. "Give me a few minutes. Okay?" _

_Nothing._

"_Santana?!" _

_Silence. _

"_Santana!" she called banging on the door again. _

"_M-m-mumma." _

_Shelby could barely hear it. She had to put her ear to the tiny closet door. _

"_Sanny, you need to hold on. I'm going to get you out. I promise." She looked over her shoulder just as Noah came in with a drill. _

_She watched her hands move like lightning as if they weren't attached to her body. She finally had the hinges off and she ripped open the door. _

_All was silent. All was still and all she could see was Santana's unmoving hand, still balled in a fist. _

Shelby jumped awake in bed.

Santana moaned and rolled over. "What's wrong?" she asked groggily.

Shelby's chest was rising and falling rapidly and Santana looked up at her with confusion. The darkness of reality enveloped her as she embraced Santana's tired body.

"Mom, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Shelby managed as she pulled Santana closer. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried her best to suck back her tears, but couldn't. "I'm fine," she managed. "Go back to sleep."

Santana snuggled into her mother's arms. "Okay," she mumbled.

…..

"Death is peculiar," she said out loud.

"Okay," Patrick replied. The appointment just started. He decided to followed Shelby's lead.

"It can be so many things for so many people. It can be slow build. A well orchestrated symphony. You have time to plan and prepare with yourself or the people you love. Or it could just be a big bang. Like a gun shot. From out of nowhere."

"Okay," he said quietly.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Leroy and I want to be cremated. The physicality of death was something that was …. so... terrifying to us. Death was hard enough but... yeah." She sighed. "But he wasn't. That man didn't ….. So sometimes I think too much about it when I miss him and …."

"Okay," he nodded. "Why are we talking about death?"

"I want my kids to have a plan if something happened to me," she said. She was so in her head that she wasn't sure if she was talking to him anymore as much as she did herself. "It's just... I want there to be a plan..."

"Okay," he nodded.

"I also... I don't think Quinn is dealing with Judy's death," she said quietly.

"How should she be dealing?" he challenged gently.

Shelby shrugged and shook her head. "She never talks about her..."

"Does she have anything to talk about?"

"Everyone has something to talk about," Shelby offered. She paused.

"Shelby, you and I both know that Quinn wouldn't easily forget the last sixteen years. Let her get used to this life. It sounds like she'll talk to you when she's ready, but it also sounds like she's been doing a lot of talking. You should know that dealing takes time, especially in a situation as complex as hers."

"But she never talks about it," Shelby replied.

"What does she have to say?" he asked.

"Good point," she muttered. "I just.. I don't want her to look back and regret this..."

"Regret what?" Shelby didn't answer; Patrick continued. "Who exactly are we talking about?" Shelby looked at him with a frown, confused. "Are we talking about Quinn or you?"

Shelby didn't answer for a few moments. "I just want them to be okay," she said finally.

"They will be," he reassured her. "Shelby, you can't control the future... or even other's around you. You're doing your best and supporting your children and helping them cultivate the tools that they need to succeed."

Shelby shook her head. "I feel like I need to do better." She put up her finger as Patrick started to speak. "Don't tell me to do a self-affirming exercise."

He smiled. "Fine, but you know you need to do something that affirms you as a parent and a person. I think you know deep down you're doing right."

"Am I?"

She sighed and looked at her watch again.

"Who do you have watching the kids?"

Shelby rolled her eyes. " Most everyone is in the home. My nephews have been running around catching up with old high school friends this week, but my parents and sister are home watching them. Bear is at the station."

"So why are you so worried?" he asked.

"Have you met my children? They can get into trouble more quickly than..." She shook her head. "I can't even come up with a good metaphor."

"Shelby, I think you're becoming one of those mother's that you used to talk about."

She scowled. "I am not smothering them," she defended herself.

"You really are," he replied honestly.

"You have to let them breathe and you need to take a breath and remember that this isn't your fault."

"Well, then whose is it?" she asked leaning back in her chair.

"You know that it's not yours," he said quietly.

"I need to blame someone and most of all I need them to feel safe and happy and ….. " She licked her lips. "Rachel's sense of accomplishment is leaving the house. I've timed it, Pat; she has only been able to leave someone elses side for about fifteen minutes before she has this mini panic and then goes back to being this mini parasite. At the beginning of the year, my issue was her wandering off... Now she doesn't get more than a few yards away. Quinn has a box of gifts in her room...She can't accept gifts easily because everything her father gave her was after he abused her... Santana is so lost within herself, but I'm sure that she'll be last to realize it and I can't do anything to help her. And Noah feels helpless and unneeded and I can't fix that and worst of all he knows it. I try my very best to embrace and celebrate the successes that they have but when those 'successes' are so drastically different from who they were a few months ago..." She sighed heavily. "I can't help but mourn that loss. The loss of them."

"You can't dwell on that though," he urged.

"I know that," she whispered. "I'm just so afraid that...we're all going to lose it. We're treading on thin ice and it feels like we're all about to fall through."

"You're all going to get through this, Shelby," he said. "You'll survive this."

"I'm tired of helping them survive life. They shouldn't be hanging on."

"They're not," he said gently. "They're getting by and you're spotting them, but give them some space. Let them find their own balance."

"We'll see," she sighed.

"Maybe try doing something fun as a family," he suggested. "Bowling? I know Santana hates going to the movie theater... so, hmmm ... How about family yoga -"

"Have you met my children?" she asked dryly.

"How about the indoor trampoline gym?" he offered.

Shelby shook her head. "Rachel doesn't have a kidney. What if she falls?"

"Jumping on a trampoline isn't like she's going to play football."

"Well, I just want to get through the holidays. The trial is starting in a week. The girls don't testify until after the New Year, but the trial itself starts next week. One top of that the tutor's niece who comes to the house frequently has had the flu off and on. I just need to focus on the holidays. My shopping is finished and I just... I just need to get through."

"And you will," he said

"I hope so."

…..

Rachel looked around the room. "Crap."

She chewed her lip and knitted her brow. This wasn't good.

"Rachel?"

She jumped and raced to the door. "Don't come in!"

"Why?" she heard her mother ask from the other side.

"Because," she looked around the room. "Because," she said more forcefully.

"You're supposed to be watching her, Joey," she heard her mother scold her aunt.

"I am! She's not invalid. I don't have to see her every second. She said she wanted to bake cookies. I said okay. She's eleven she's not five," Joey barked back. Rachel could hear her aunt take a breath. "She was going to call me when she was done mixing and then I would help her put the cookies in the oven." Rachel leaned her ear against the wall Her aunt's voice was far away; she probably hadn't gotten up from her chair.

"Shelby, Joey's right," Pop-Pop told her. "Leave her be."

"Rachel, we're coming in," her mother stated.

"Give me 5 minutes," she said as she scrambled back to the counter. The batter had gone everywhere. She had been trying to clean up the hand held mixer, which she had to use because she couldn't move the heavy red mixer from the pantry. While she had been trying to clean the raw egg from the handheld mixture as it was resting on the counter she knocked the switch and the batter that was still on the beaters went all over the kitchen. She was pretty sure there was batter on the fan on the ceiling. However, her main focus was to get rid of the batter that was in the most immediate line of sight.

She frowned as she frantically tried wiping down the counter. There was flour on the floor.

"Rach, we're coming in," Shelby said.

Rachel could hear the frustration in her voice and felt a strange frustration in her chest. She was so upset because she was trying to surprise her mother; her mother's frustration had been wearing on her face. Rachel was sure that cookies would make her feel better. They had to. She couldn't even get that right.

"Rachel," she hear her mom say in her exhausted and disappointed voice.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she said as tears stung her eyes. "I wanted to make you cookies! I-I-I-I'm sorry!"

She looked up at her mother and felt a tightness in her chest as she looked around the room. Her face crumbled in a sob. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

Her mother gathered Rachel in her arms despite the fact that Rachel was covered. She had always been grateful that her mother never minded getting dirty. She rested her head on her mother's shoulder.

"I just...I-I-I wanted to make you cookies. You look so sad and...I- This is not how I wanted it to happen," she said with a frown," she said quietly trying to settle down. She leaned back and looked at her mother. "Handmixers are so hard."

Her mother laughed and sighed heavily. "That they are. That's why we ask for help."

"I didn't want to ask for help," she said simply.

"I know and now we have a bigger mess to clean up," Shelby said with an arch of her brow. "You will be cleaning all of this up by yourself."

Rachel wiped her tears and scowled. "I can't reach that high."

"We'll bring the ladder in. I'll make sure that you don't fall, but this is your mess, bug. You'll be cleaning it up and maybe if you're still up to it afterward I can make cookies with you."

Rachel frowned and looked around the kitchen. That was so much cleaning. None of this was going as planned. She was supposed to make cookies for her mother not provide her with more work. Pop-Pop was already beginning to clean but paused and went upstairs when Shelby looked at him as she rested her hand on Rachel's chest..

"But first," Shelby said interrupting her thoughts. "You need to use the neb for a bit."

"No," Rachel protested.

"Yes," Shelby replied as she placed her hand on Rachel's chest and kissed her softly on the cheek. "You're wheezing slightly. We'll do it quickly and then clean this all up."

"Holy shit!" Joey exclaimed as she entered the kitchen finally.

"Language!" Shelby and Rachel scolded.

"I can't even see a kitchen floor!" Joey said looking at Rahel is disbelief.

Shelby turned to her daughter with a smile. "Aunt Joey would love to help you clean up too since she was supposed to help you."

"I didn't want her help," Rachel said as Pop-Pop returned with the nebulizer.

"Well, you're eleven and she's forty-"

"Older," Joey said with a frown. "Ugh."

After an hour everything was cleaned up, but Rachel couldn't help but feel defeated. This wasn't what she wanted to do. She wasn't supposed to do this. She was supposed to be more helpful not be causing more chaos. They didn't have time to cook another batch before Holly arrived.

"What's your problem?" Sugar asked as they all worked quietly on their school work.

"Nothing," Rachel said dramatically. "Just ruining Christmas."

"Oh," Sugar said with a shrug. "You can fix it. You have days before Christmas."

Rachel perked up. "How?"

"Give her what she wants," Sugar said with a shrug.

"I want her to be happy," she said wistfully.

"Well, what makes her happy?"

Rachel frowned at the simple question. "Um... we do."

"Other than you, silly," she said with a roll of her eyes. "My father loves cars. I bought my father a car."

"What?" Rachel asked loudly. Holly and her sisters looked at her.

"Girls, are you working?"

"Yes," Rachel muttered. She looked down at her work. "How did you buy a car?"

Sugar rolled her eyes. "I didn't buy it myself, dummy. Daddy bought it, but I gave it to him."

"Oh," she muttered.

"So... what are you going to give her?"

Rachel shrugged and caught Santana looking at her with a frown. She lowered her voice and continued. "We're getting her a spa day but I want to do something big. I wanted to get her a puppy, but my big sister said no."

"Your big sister is stupid," she said a little too loudly.

"Hey, urchin!" Santana barked. "The big sister can hear you!"

Sugar frowned and opened her mouth ready for a fight. Rachel clamped her hand over her mouth and shook her head. "She'll bite you," said the youngest Corcoran.

"I can bite too," Sugar sneered back.

"No one can bite as hard as her," Rachel said quietly. She looked at her new friend. "Trust me. She's part wolf."

"Oh, that explains it," Sugar said looking at Santana only to receive another glare. She nodded. "Yeah, I see it now." She turned and looked at Rachel. "Puppies are great but something can be greater."

Rachel looked at her seriously. "What's better than a puppy?"

Sugar smiled. "I have the most glorious idea."

Rachel tilted her head. "The puppy was supposed to be a glorious idea."

"I have something better," she said with a wide smile.

"What?"

"My daddy owns a zoo," she said.

….

Later that night, Noah collapsed in his bed and stared at the ceiling. School vacation was finally here. He was partially grateful because that meant he didn't have to nap sitting up at the desks, but now he had to be awake at home where he felt like he was more of a waste of space than anything.

A knock on the door broke him from his thoughts. He looked up, expecting Rachel. His tiny bug had been coming in lately and simply bouncing on his bed and complaining to him about how his room smelled, but still she hadn't been coming to him like she used to.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he said with surprise. "What's up?"

She shrugged. "Just... I haven't seen you in awhile."

"I'm down the hall," he laughed.

She was silent for a few moments. "I've missed you," Santana muttered as she leaned next to Noah's desk that he used as a coat rack.

"I've been right here," he muttered.

She shrugged. "I um... I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked with a nervous laugh. "I … the girls need you. You can't apologize for that. It's just how it is."

"You know I need you right?" she whispered.

Noah groaned and looked at her with frustration. "Did Mom put you up to this?"

"No," she bit back sharply. "I just...I realized that I would be upset if...no one was coming to me."

"Jesus, Santana," he said with a snap. "It would have been better if you said Mom put you up to this. No one needs me. I'm grateful that they have you and Mom but I'm in the dark and you coming in here feeling bad for me won't make me feel better. So get the fuck out."

Santana didn't move.

"What?" he barked again.

"I need you," she whispered. Tears stung her eyes as she stared down at the ground and her hands gripped the edge of the desk behind her. "I'm not Rachel and I'm not Quinn. I don't... I don't know how to need you... and I don't … you're you... but I've... I've always needed you and I … I just don't know how to show it."

He took a deep breath and watched the tears fall from her face. "San," he said gently as he wrapped his arms around her pulled her into a hug.

"I ….. I don't know what to say to you. I've watched you from the sidelines and I knew that you were sad... but I just... I didn't know what to say...I still don't."

"I don't expect you to say anything," he whispered. He cupped her face and forced her to look up at him. "Not your job, but I miss hanging out with you. We used to do stuff... I just miss that."

"I know," she muttered.

"Are you okay?"

"Not really... but... I'm not really... I'm not really sure what I am... I'll let you know?"

He searched her face for a moment before nodding. "Okay."

"I...um... I need your help on something."

"What?" he asked with a roll of his eyes.

She held up the CD.

"What's that?"

"Brittany's Christmas gift to me... I … um... It's Dad's rehearsal outtakes... " She swallowed. "Can you listen to it for me?" asked asked with a tiny sob.

He took it and sighed. "I guess so..."

"You … you don't need to... You're okay with this?"

He looked at her and crossed his arms. "Yeah..."

"How?"

He paused for a few more moments before he took a deep breath. "These clips that Brittany found online... Are they from the YouTube videos?"

Santana's heart stopped. "What videos?"

Noah shrugged. "I don't know... there was a documentary or something awhile back. They looked at Dad's career and posted a lot of his sessions and outtakes...I watch them sometimes... When I miss him." He looked at Santana was a carefully smile. "It's kinda better to see him and hear his voice. Why don't you watch them with me?"

"I don't know if I can," she said with anguish.

"It's okay if you can't. He's not going anywhere. He'll wait til you're ready."

She gave a small ironic grin. "He's already left." Her smile faded at the reality of her words.

Noah laughed. "But YouTube is forever."

She looked at him with a frown. "I …. I don't know."

She rested her head on his shoulder and he pulled her closer. "One of them has you in it."

She perked up. "What?"

She sat nervously in front of Noah's laptop. The video loaded. Play. A random man's voice came on as clips of their father and mother and the father in rehearsal flashed across the screen.

"_**Leroy Corcoran was one of the most innovative musician and producer of his time. Once he left the music scene as a lead musician, he became incredibly influential behind the scene. Clips and interviews of him became rare, but we were able to find a behind the scene. What people forget is that he was such a family man. People focus on the tragedy of his death and then what happened to his children." **_

_**A picture of Leroy came up with a baby carrier on his front and Santana on his back holding around his neck as Leroy stood in the music booth talking through the microphone at the musicians. **_

"Where were you?" Santana asked.

Noah pointed at the screen.

_**Another picture flashed of Noah and Santana at the sound board with headphones on, smiling in excitement. **_

_**A video clip came up and Leroy was listening to the music and giving instructions as he walked around with a tiny sleeping Rachel in the baby carrier against his chest. He pulled Rachel slightly back from the carrier so that the camera could see her face. **_

"_**This is our baby bug, Rachel," he smiled. He lifted up her hand and waved it. "She says hello." **_

"_**Me too!" a small voice said. The camera looked down at a brunette with large dark curls. She waved. "I'm Santana." **_

_**Leroy looked down at her with pride. He knelt next to her while support Rachel's back in the carrier. He pointed to her. "This is my girl! The world better watch out." **_

The video ended and Santana didn't know what to say.

She chewed her lip. "How many are there?"

Noah shrugged. "Five I think."

She pause and look at him after a moment. "Can we watch them?"

He nodded. "Sure."

"Move over," she said as they settled on his bed. She wanted to get comfortable to watch these, because she was pretty sure that she would make him watch them with her again and again.

….

Shelby sorted through her things. It had been a long day. True to her word, she had cooked cookies with Rachel after their session with Holly. The girl had been up and down all day. She went into the tutor session for the neb and cleaning up with a disappointed confusion. However, after the session, Rachel was bouncing on air, but she found Rachel fading in her father's lap on the couch after dinner. It had barely been seven o'clock. Shelby frowned remembering that Sugar had had the flu on and off. She would kill that little girl if she gave the kids got the flu.

However, she was thankful because she could hear Santana and Noah talking and laughing in his room. She was grateful for that.

She had managed to coax her youngest to sleep by seven-thirty with a song, another round of nebulizer, and medication to help her sleep. She was thankful that they were finally finished with the cream. They all seemed to be healing; it was slow but it was finally happening. She set Rachel in Quinn's room and started to leave and paused.

Quinn walked up the stairs just as Shelby entered the hallway. "Hey, are you finished with your stuff?"

She nodded. Quinn was quiet too. She had been pensive for days. Shelby could tell she was stuck in her head.

"Rachel, might be getting sick," Shelby began.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "That girl is a walking plague. Maybe it's because her one friend is a weirdo."

"Quinn," Shelby warned. "You and Santana should really be nicer to Sugar."

"Her name is Sugar," she said dryly. "How can I be nice to her?"

"Touche," Shelby smiled. "So you and Santana should try to sleep in Santana's room tonight."

"Won't Rachel wake up and think that the world has ended because she's alone?" Quinn asked with an arch of her brow.

Shelby narrowed her eyes and tilted her head in the way that moms do. "She'll be fine. She'll sleep through the night."

"Oh, you drugged her," Quinn smiled cheekily.

Shelby laughed. "Stop it." She softened. "You've been really quiet today. Do you want to talk about anything?"

"Nothing's wrong," she mumbled. "If I had a dollar for everytime you asked me that," she began. She sighed and looked at her hands. "I just..." she shrugged. "I don't know what you want me to say. Christmas isn't my thing... It's just not... and I don't know."

"You don't have to be happy all of the time, Q-bear," she said. "That's not what I'm asking you."

"Good, because I think that's virtually impossible," she said with a nervous smile. She looked down at her hands. "I just... I … um... I just... I don't know."

"Okay," Shelby said quietly. "That's fine."

"I know I can talk to you but I just don't know what to say," she shrugged. "I feel lost a lot." She perked up realizing what she said. "I know that I have a place here. I get that now... but I still don't feel … I feel like it's a big mistake... like I'll wake up one day and... and I'll forget."

"Forget what?"

"Where I came from... Who I am," she whispered. "

"You're not lost, sweetheart," she said.

"But I feel like it," she replied. "I was … I was Quinn Fabray for sixteen years and … I felt like I was suffocating all the time... and now... now I can breathe being here but... I feel like i'm playing dress up... but I'm numb too... But when I'm busy and I'm... with you and Rach, and San... I feel better... Even Noah... but I just... " She shook her head. I don't know who I am. The person who I was before was a faker... and now... I feel like one too."

"What are you faking?" she asked gently.

Quinn shook her head. "My whole life."

Shelby reached out and pulled the girl to her.

"You can't hug me and make it better," she whispered, but she didn't struggle.

Shelby sighed. "You are fantastic."

"Stop," she whispered.

Shelby went on. "You are hardworking and a crazy perfectionist. You're incredibly creative. I think we should try to cater to that."

"I don't want to do anything that costs something more," she whispered.

"You are my child, Quinn. There's no question about that. I would pay for lessons for any of the the kids. And that includes you."

"But it's so expensive. Each tube of paint is almost $2.00, at least... and that's just the water colors... the brushes could be expensive as... $8.00 and... canvas..." Quinn trailed off and looked up when she felt Shelby's eyes on her.

"You looked it up," she said simply.

Quinn bit the inside of her cheek and shook her head. "Don't do what I think you're going to do and go out and buy me the best and most expensive set or … whatever." Her brow knit. "Please." Shelby tilted her head in confusion. "When I was in the group home... Even though I hated all of it... I knew what to expect. Nothing. And so many of those girls demanded and demanded and … they were dependent on their stuff. That's all that they had. They would literally have cat fights over straighteners." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I just didn't get it... but I do... Sometimes... It's all you have to your name.. but now... here with you where you're always giving things to me... and going beyond and above." She put her hand on her chest. "I don't deserve that. I don't deserve any of that."

"Why not?" Shelby asked gently.

Quinn shook her head. "I just don't..."

Shelby sighed. "I'm going to spoil you for the rest of your life and unquestionably the rest of mine," she said with a soft kiss. "Not because I feel badly for you or a debt to pay to you. I think that you are incredible. You can accomplish so much in this life by simply being you. You're responsible and you're kind, but I don't want you struggle to have those basic necessities.-"

"But people do it everyday and they're better for it," she interrupted. "I'm not going to take your charity. I want to work for my things. I want to do it myself."

"You can certainly buy certain things for yourself, but right now you don't have time for a job. I'm your parent. I'll pay for it." She cupped her face and brought gaze up to her. "Accepting a gift and accepting things from me does make you spoiled or selfish. Okay?"

Quinn shook her head. "Fine," she whispered. She leaned back into Shelby. "I just .. I don't ….I want to give you all that you give me."

"You do," she whispered.

Quinn continued to shake her head. "I'm tired now."

"Okay, "Shelby muttered.

She felt Quinn fall to sleep pretty fast. Shelby looked at her ceiling. She didn't know how to make Quinn feel better. She didn't know how to fix this. She just didn't know how to do that. She felt lost. this perfect little girl felt lost. She didn't know herself. She didn't see how wonderful she was. How could she get her to see that? Shelby chewed on her lip. How could she bring her back from this? How could she make them see that they're so much more than their failures? None of them believed that they were good enough for good things. Life had hit them so hard that no one believed that it could be tolerable. Shelby shook her head. Who was she kitdding? She was holding her breath too. She was waiting for it all to crumble.

_She walked through the house. Everything was in its place. This was her house. There were jackets on the floor as always. She picked them up and began to hang them on the rack in the mud room. Noah's... Santana's... Rachel's... She frowned. That was it. _

"_Girls?" _

"_What?" Santana called from the other room. _

"_Where's Quinn?" _

"_Who?" Rachel asked. _

"_Quinn," Shelby said simply. She walked through the house and she felt like she was the steady cam of the Blair Witch Project. "Quinn?" _

"_Mom, who are you calling?" Noah asked. _

_Shelby felt a panic rise in her chest. "Quinn?" she called. She ran through the house. "Quinn!" she called. She felt her heart pounding in her ears. She was worried. Where was she? She sprinted up the stairs. "QUINN?" _

_She sprinted back downstairs. Where is she? _

"_What are you doing?" Joey asked as she came in the back door. _

"_Where the hell is she?" she urged. _

"_Who?" joey asked. _

"_Quinn! Where is Quinn?" _

"_I don't... What?" Joey asked her confused. "Who's Quinn?" _

_Shelby grabbed her coat. They didn't know who she was; Quinn must be still with Russell. "Stay here," she called over her shoulder._

_She sprinted out. She ran to her car. She practically sped over to the Fabrays. She barely even felt the car move. Did it move? She rushed over to the house. Something was different. Something was off. She opened the house and the home was ….. The furniture. … It was gone. It was there and then it was gone. _

_When it was there it was covered in a sheet. What was going on? She reached for the light switch. It didn't work. _

"_Quinn!" she yelled. _

_Nothing. _

"_QUINN!" _

"_Excuse me?" _

_Shelby ran downstairs. _

"_Who are you?" she asked a woman in a dress suit with a couple._

"_We're showing the house, ma'am," she said carefully._

_Shelby frowned and sprinted back to the car. She wasn't here. She wasn't here, she screamed again at herself. She climbed back into the house frantically. She knew where she would be. She would be outside. She would be in the park. She's fine. She's there. She told herself. _

_She buckled her seatbelt and she was at the park . _

_She looked around frantically and felt a sigh of relief. _

_There was a blonde head across the parking lot. There she was! _

"_Quinn!" _

_She screamed. The blonde head didn't stop. Quinn kept walking. She sprinted harder toward her but she felt like she was getting further away. She finally caught up to her and when she finally got there she couldn't breathe. _

"_QUINN!" she yelled even though she was a inches away. _

_Quinn pulled her arm from her roughly. "LET GO!" _

_Her back was still to her. _

_Shelby felt a pang in her chest. "Quinn?" _

_The blonde pulled her arm back and stumbled to the ground and cradled the back of her head as she fell. She was shaking and her eyes were glazed and confused. _

"_Wh-Wha-?" _

_Shelby froze. Quinn's face was dirty. Her hair was a mess. Was it a mess before? She felt a golf ball in her throat. Quinn's clothes hung on her body and there was a pool of blood in her crotch. Shelby reached down to her. _

"_WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Quinn flinched. _

"_Quinn," Shelby said more gently, pulling her hand back. "It's okay. I'll take you home." _

"_I … I don't … I don't know you," she said. Quinn struggled to her feet. She couldn't get to her feet. She fell. again and again and again. _

_Shelby reached out to help her. _

"_Don't touch me!" _

_Quinn managed to get to her feet. She stood there and Shelby watched as the stillness of Quinn caused her anxiety to quicken. What was happening?_

_The young girl with the worn face looked back at her. Their eyes connected and Shelby felt a lightness fill her chest. _

"_Do you live here too?" she asked. _

_Shelby's heart fell. _

"_Sweetheart, you don't live here." Her face was blank. "Quinn?" Shelby asked again. _

"_Who's Quinn?" she asked. _

_Shelby watched with a heavy anxious heart as Quinn fell back. She reached out and caught her before she hit the ground. _

_Quinn looked up with her with pained eyes. _

_Shelby looked at her with a new understanding. She wasn't Quinn. She was lost. She then noticed with a heavy heart when she saw blood on the side of her mouth. _

"_Have you been coughing up blood?" _

_Quinn closed her eyes. _

"_I don't remember," she whispered. She opened her eyes and searched Shelby's face. "Have you always been here?" _

_Shelby shook her head and searched her pocket. Where was her phone?_

"_You're going to be just fine, Quinn," she looked around frantically. _

_There was no one here. they were alone. _

_Quinn looked at her. "You're a nice person..." _

_Shelby sobbed. _

"_Ma'am give her to us." _

_She looked up. _

_Paramedics. _

_What?_

_They lay her down. _

_There were so many paramedics. She couldn't see her. _

"_She's not breathing-" _

_She felt someone pull her away. _

_She fought. She could hear the paramedics._

"_Charge." _

_She let out a charge and she watched the body bounce. _

"_Charge." _

_She wasn't moving. _

Shelby jumped awake in bed with a gasp. She heard a tiny moan and rustle and saw Quinn wrapped around a pillow. Shelby leaned over and nestled next to her, moving her hair out of her face. She idly ran her hand through Quinn's hair She needed to keep her safe. She needed her not to be lost. She needed her never to feel like that again... like she could in Shelby's dream.

Quinn gave a tiny sigh but remained asleep. Shelby felt the same anxiety in her chest. It had all felt so real. How could it have been so real? She felt a sob hitch in her chest. What was going on with her? She felt her heart still trembling. How could this feel so real? How was she doing this? How -

"Mumma?"

She popped up in bed as the light in the hallway peaked through the crack in the door. Rachel stood there rubbing her eyes.

"Mumma, there's no one in my bed," she whispered. Shelby quietly climbed out of bed and scooped the girl and led her back to bed. Thankful for a distraction.

…..

They weren't church people. Shelby didn't bring the kids to church not because they were Godless or she had an avid hatred of organized religion. It simply wasn't a priority. She had grown up in the church and had been embraced by the community and the beliefs and the church structure provided enough room for her to explore and grow.

However, her children weren't raised in the church. Shelby always wanted it to be, but it just didn't happen. Nevertheless, every Christmas they all went to the evening service. There were traditional readings, carols and lighting of the candles. And every year it was always a chore to get them there and a miracle that her children didn't burn the church down with the candles.

Rachel looked around at the row of relatives. Bear, Shelby, Joey, Helen, and Michael were strategically placed between the kids. Years of going to church where the service involved candle lighting, taught them that an adult needed to be there at all times.

The service was almost serene. Rachel always looked forward to it. She was able to watch everyone and still feel safe. She always focused on someone throughout the service. This year she watched a woman across from her. She was slightly older than her mother and she was so ….. pulled into what was happening during the service. As if she was looking for something. The time finally arrived where they had to light the candles. Rachel perked up. She could hear her sisters laughing over the candle. Quinn seemed to enjoy the service because Santana and her kept whispering back and forth. She knew her big sister Quinn had never had a church experience like this. She had normally had to sit really still but Santana kept poking her despite the fact that their Aunt Joey sat between them.

Rachel carefully held her candle and looked back at the woman. She was staring at her candle and crying. Rachel frowned and unconsciously tilted her candle.

"Whoa, bug, careful," Bear stated next to her resteadying her candle.

"Why's she crying?" Rachel whispered.

Bear followed her gaze and took a deep breath. He gave his head a slight shake. "Maybe because she had a hard year."

"It's not the end of the year yet," she muttered.

"Sometimes," Bear said glancing down at the candle. "These candle mean something to people. People use them at funerals or … at at vigils. So sometimes they're a reminder for people..."

"Reminder of what?"

"How things happened or didn't happen," he said gently. "It's a tradition."

"Oh she muttered. Rachel frowned and looked down the line and then back at Bear. "Then what is Nana remembering?"

Bear followed her gaze and saw his mother in law in tears looking at the candle.

"I'm not sure," he said softly. He looked down at her with a subtle smile. Rachel swore she saw his eyes glisten but she wasn't sure.

Before she knew it the service was over. Shelby held her hand carefully as the family wove through the crowd just in serendipitous time for Rachel to see Sugar. She yanked on her mother's arm. "Mumma look!"

Santana and Quinn groaned.

"Girls," Shelby warned.

"Hi!" Rachel said not letting go of Shelby's hand but dragging her mother over to Sugar and her equally large family.

Sugar smoothed out her green dress. "Do you like my dress?"

Rachel nodded eagerly.

Sugar smiled. "Good. I AM the most beautiful girl in the world," she smiled with a proud shake of her head.

Rachel laughed. "I know you say that everyday."

Sugar leaned over and cupped her hand next to her mouth as she whispered in Rachel's ear. "My daddy's partner dropped the present off at your house."

"He did?!"Rachel exclaimed causing everyone to look at her.

Sugar shook her head in disapproval. "Yes, silly, now be quiet." She leaned closer. "My daddy doesn't know. It's a secret too because I told my daddy's partner a long time ago that i would get him fired if he didn't get me everything I wanted."

"That's lucky," Rachel whispered with a nod.

"So, when you get it, your mom can't tell my dad," she said carefully.

"She won't! She'll love it!" Rachel beamed "It'll be the best gift ever."

"What will?" Santana asked as she moved down the shorter girls' level.

"Nothing," Sugar said.

Rachel shook her head. "Nothing," she said and couldn't contain her smile.

….

Quinn could barely sleep all night. She knew that Santana couldn't sleep because the girl stayed up practically talking to herself about something. It was like she had planned something elaborate. Quinn was nervous. She knew what Christmas morning looked like at her parents' house. It looked the same. However, she felt like she was trapped in the end of Home Alone 2. She felt like there was cheerful music, perfectly planned snow, and picturesque Christmas displays surrounded her. It felt surreal. She was waiting for the director... aka GOD... to call cut on her life and for the scene around her to crumble. It was Christmas morning and she was bracing herself for its fall.

Rachel slept with Shelby that night and Quinn swore that girl woke up the house like a screaming Banshee

"MOM, THERE'S SOMETHING UNDER MY PILLOW! WAKE UP!"

Quinn groaned. Wasn't shelby sleeping next to her? She heard a patter of little feet. Maybe this meant she didn't have the plague? Children that run that fast don't have the plague.

"EVERYONE GET UP!" Rachel screamed again. "We have to go on a hunt! We have to!"

Quinn glared at the ceiling. "What -"

"Come on," Santana said excitedly. "Let's go watch."

Quinn arched her brow. Who was this? She watched and groaned in frustration as Santana tugged her along as they followed Rachel through the house. Quinn wasn't an idiot. Santana had set up a scavenger hunt for Rachel to find the gift. Rachel was radiating with excitement. Bear was even following them around with a video camera. She was grateful that Joey, the cousins, and Noah were sitting with their grandparents on the couch eating pancakes and watching the Christmas news. However, it wasn't even news. There were shots of babies and puppies all over the screen. Quinn was jealous and wanted to eat pancakes. However she was stuck as Santana's wing man. Since when did she need a wingman?

"Rachel, slow down," Shelby called running after her.

"We're almost done," Santana said with a smile.

Rachel raced into the music room and lifted the piano cover on the baby grand as she her fingers on the edge of the piano. Her hand was above her head holding the lid open. She gasped in excitement.

"MOM, LOOK!"

Santana and Quinn turned the corner just as Rachel released her hand from holding the cover. Shelby and Santana reached out to catch the lid of the cover that Rachel let go of the lid in distracted glee. They missed.

Quinn grimaced. She hated that it required Rachel to get her head slammed by the baby grand to stop Santana from dragging her around the house, but Quinn couldn't help but feel grateful that it was over.

After fifteen minutes of tears, Rachel finally was able to open the gift that Santana had take so much care to hide. She gave her sister a grateful smile and a happy hug at the necklace. Nevertheless, Santana had a hint of disappointment on her face. It wasn't how she wanted things to go.

"Thank you, Sanny," Rachel whispered hugging her sister.

Santana gave a weak smile. "You're welcome," she whispered hugging her back. She gave a heavy sigh, but pulled Rachel into her lap, a distant look settling in her eyes.

Presents were almost all opened an hour later. Remnants of their stockings were already half consumed. Each of the kids had their share of clothes, and shoes, and gift cards, and cds and now there was a small amount of wrapped gifts that remained. Everything was always strategically planned. Santana's face still hadn't moved. She watched as Quinn lingered by the tree. She had seemed okay with her gift, but every gift Quinn opened, Santana felt as if she was weighing the emotional and monetary value of her own that Quinn bought for everyone else. None of this was going how Santana had pictured. Her mother kept asking Quinn to fix ornaments on the tree. She wasn't sure wasn't sure why though; she guessed maybe to distract her. She wasn't sure.

"Here," Rachel muttered as she set a gift in Santana's lap.

Santana smiled at her sister. Rachel's gifts were always the most amusing. She opened it carefully with a tentative smile but her smile faded as she removed the wrapping paper.

"Rachel," she whispered. "This isn't ….. "

It was a box that Santana knew all too well. Santana always bought it from Macy's herself while she and Brittany were roaming around looking for things. She would lie and saw she was buying it for a boy. It was the cologne that she had bought for years. It was the cologne that she sprayed on her father's sweatshirt; it had been his cologne.

"Rachel," she whispered again.

"Do you like it?" she asked carefully.

"Yeah," she said tearfully. "um... Yeah..." She pulled Rachel back into her arms. "This much more than the amount Mom gives us."

"It's from me and Quinn and Mumma and Noah, but they said I could get the credit," she muttered into her ear.

Santana nodded. She had such a surge of emotions in her chest and she wasn't sure if she was happy. All of her big presents this year had been about her father. She wasn't ashamed of him but he was her quiet secret; she had been wrong. Everyone that she loved saw how attached she was to him and her vulnerable transparency scared her.

Santana forced Rachel to sit in her lap and that's when she spotted the envelope in the tree. She pointed at the tree. "Q, Mom's been trying to get you to see that all morning," she said dryly.

Shelby rolled her eyes. "Thank you, San."

Quinn blushed and went to the tree. She sighed and felt awkward as everyone watched her open it. She knew she was breaking her own rule with her unwrapping of most of the gifts that she had received, but it seemed almost worst to reject them. However, she had the box upstairs and she had agreed with Shelby that all of the presents she unwrapped could be stored in the box and whenever she was ready she could use them and accept them.

She gave opened the envelope and pulled out the packet of papers.

Her heart gave a tiny flutter.

"Merry Christmas, Quinn," Shelby whispered from beside her as the young girl looked down at the papers.

"Quinn Nicole Corcoran," it read.

Shelby pulled her close into a hug. "I love you so much. The papers came in officially a week ago. I wanted to surprise you.

Quinn stared down at the papers. This was her name now.

She looked at the people in the room. They were all looking at her as they attempted to gauge their reaction to hers. She gave a smile and a nod. She didn't know what to say. She held the papers close to her and sat down quietly next to Santana. She just didn't know what to say. Then she remembered.

"I have your gift..." Quinn mumbled as she reached in her pants pocket. "Um... here..." she whispered.

She pulled out a tiny jewelry box. Shelby smiled in surprise. "Oh, Quinn," she whispered looking at the box and tracing her fingers over it with tender appreciation. She opened it carefully and she put her hand on her heart. It was a mother's ring: four birthstones of the kids wrapped carefully in a setting of silver. "This is beautiful," she said pulling Quinn into a hug.

Quinn nodded as she rested her head on Shelby's shoulder. "I'm glad you like it," she muttered.

"I think that's all of them," Shelby said with a clap.

Rachel jumped up. "Mumma, I have one more for you."

Joey looked at her niece with narrowed eyes. "What?"

"It's in the other room. Don't move!" Rachel ran carefully out of the room and returned to the room carrying a box unsteadily as if her box has a shifting weight. Michael reached out and took the box out of habit.

"Rach, what did you... he began but trailed off.

The box was moving.

"Open it, Mumma!" Rachel smiled in excitement. Shelby looked at her father who has a slightly worried glance. She leaned forward and removed the lid with caution as Rachel leaned forward with excitement.

There inside the box was a -

"SWEET BABY JESUS, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" Joey screeched as Shelby jumped back and Michael lifted Rachel's face from the box.

"Merry Christmas!" Rachel smiled but then the smile faded as she saw the look of fear and horror on the family's face.

What happened for the next 45 minutes was chaos. Turns out despite a great deal of arguing and panic, Rachel had given Shelby a very confused, very frightened and very feisty, three week old Fennec Fox. After several phone calls, concern and Rachel's attempt to hold the fox, Shelby was able to get the story. Sugar had stolen the fox from the zoo. After another thirty minutes the zoo came over and picked up the fox much to Rachel's confusion and sadness.

"I just don't understand why we can't keep it. Sugar said that people have foxes all the time as pets and they're a perfect mixture of puppy and a kitten," Rachel said during dinner, making it the 20943209th time that she had brought up her confusion about the situation.

"They're wild and rare, Rachel," Shelby said. "They're not domestic animals."

"But they are the most glorious present," Rachel mumbled in disappointment.

"Maybe, but they shouldn't be a pet," she said simply to her daughter. "The zoo told us that they're going to name the baby fox after you, Rachel. It's be yours but you won't have to take care of her. She belongs with her Mumma just like you belong with me."

Rachel finally gave a nod of understanding. "Okay."

The rest of the night was mellow. Shelby could feel Rachel's disappointment but also she was baffled herself about how her incredibly intelligent child had been convinced to steal a wild animal and bring it home as a pet. Bear had bought Noah and the boys tickets to the cleveland browns game and they were off planning what they were going to take for the tailgate party. he was occupied with something new. Santana was slightly withdrawn. There was something in her head and everytime Shelby would pry or attempt to offer any comfort, Santana would snap like a trap. Quinn, like Santana, was stuck in her head but seemed more content than normal. Shelby suspected that she was battling the official change of her name. She couldn't push them to talk to her. She couldn't fix everything.

Shelby rocked Rachel in the rocking chair around bedtime. Her chest was still tight from all of the excitement of the day and much to the girl's protest she was using the nebulizer. Shelby was grateful that Rachel appeared to be the only child to get exhausted by the steroid in the medication while so many other kids became more hyper. Rachel was always exhausted after a treatment.

"Are you mad?" Rachel asked under the mask.

"No," Shelby whispered. "Just... surprised and confused."

"I want to give you something that you deserve. Something glorious and exciting and amazing." She lowered her voice even more. "You do so much for us and we all wanted to give you something you deserve."

Shelby smile gently. "You all are enough for me."

"But... what if we aren't?" she asked with a slight cough.

"You are," she whispered. "Always."

Rachel leaned back further in her arms, slowly beginning to relax. Shelby briefly remembered when Rachel started having asthma she was always afraid she would stop breathing in the night. However, she heard that every parent feared that.

Shelby reached over and shut off the machine and could hear Rachel's gentle snores. She lingered for a moment after she lay her in Quinn's bed. Would it always be like this? When would that moment come where they wouldn't sleep all in one bed because the fears and insecurities of the evening no longer sucked them in? Would that ever happen? She was thankful that they leaned on each other but hated that it was a necessity and found herself wondering if it was terrible that she was encouraging them to be crutches to one another.

An hour later the entire house was quiet. Almost over, she told herself as she eased under the covers. New Years and then we're done.

We're not done, a voice in her head said.

The trial started next week. She couldn't stop that. She knew herself enough to know that she was fixating on the holidays to avoid the unpredictable turmoil of the trial. At least for the holidays, she had control. She wasn't ready to give that up.

…..

Quinn's eyes opened to commotion under her bed. She frowned and looked over her shoulder at the clock. 2:41 am. She reached over in bed and felt Rachel in bed with her and then she turned to her other side. Santana was missing. She climbed out of and saw that Santana had draped the top sheet from the bed that the three of them always kicked off.

"San?" she asked.

"What?" Santana gruffed back.

"What are you doing?"

"It was the one holiday," she said quietly.

"What?" Quinn asked looking at her.

"It was the one holiday," she said again. She sighed and picked at her cuticles. "It was the holiday that my father cared about. He cared about birthdays, but he never cared about his or any other holiday like this. He... " She looked down at her hands. "We had a um... we had a calendar. One of those advent ones... He bought if for me the Christmas before he died." She shrugged one of her shoulders. "I only used it once. ….. but that year... he put little notes in each day with the little... advent thing. Noah didn't care and Rachel's best friend was binkie then... so... yeh...I remember thinking that we were always going to do that... we …. were always going to …. have notes in our calendar..." She rolled her teary eyes. "I … I don't know."

She caught Quinn's eye and then looked away.

"Santana," Quinn began. She knew exactly why Santana was sulking. Santana was a hard person to read, but once you did, once the secret was found out, she read like a book. She was upset because of the day's imperfections.

"Don't," she said with a weak smile. "The day was a hot mess. Nothing turned out like it was supposed to...Just... Let me be sad about this..."

"I'm not saying you shouldn't be," Quinn stated. She gave her a weak look. "I'm just saying she was so excited and that's why she slammed her head,. She was excited for this. She loves her gift too... Is this really about that though or more about... her gift to you?... and Brittany's gift to you?"

Santana shook her head. "Whatever," she sighed. "It just... I don't know... whatever. It's not that."

"I'm not going to let you sit here and sulk alone," Quinn said as she sat down beside her.

"Well, then either sulk with me or get the hell out," she snapped.

"Calm yourself, cujo," she said. "I'll sit with you."

Santana narrowed her eyes and watched Quinn for a moment.

"What?" Quinn asked.

"You can't tell anyone," she said. Quinn looked at her as if she was insulted that Santana had forgot that she could keep a secret. "sorry," Santana grumbled. She pulled out a bottle of Vodka that was half empty.

Quinn arched her brow; she wasn't sure how she missed the smell of it.

"What are you doing?"

"Knitting a sweater! What does it look like I'm doing?" Santana barked. "You in or out."

Quinn looked at the bottle and then back at Santana. The day had been exhausting. it had been perfect in a few ways but terrible in others. Quinn never would have sought out a drink, but she couldn't resist its offering.

….

_Shelby looked around the hospital. Why were they here? she looked to her left and Rachel had a mask over her face. _

_Why were they at the hospital for a neb treatment?_

_Beeping. There was beeping everywhere. _

_The typically white walls were covered with animals. Damn it she hated those damn animals. She frowned as she searched the pattern closer. It was all Fennec Foxes. _

_She rolled her eyes. She could feel the wheezing her in her child's chest . She called over a nurse. There were so many nurses, but they weren't wearing scrubs. They were wearing sweatpants. They were moving in front of her. It was so strange. _

_A nurse suddenly appeared in front of her. _

"_Hi, we're going to have to take her into surgery." _

"_I'm sorry, what?" Shelby asked holding her tighter. _

_The nurse nodded. "It's a simple surgery. You don't have to worry about it. We're going to repair the..." The woman trailed off. _

_The woman looked at her. "I'll take her now." _

_Shelby frowned and tried to kep Rachel in her arms. "No," she said frantically. I can't to talk to a doctor. You can't take her into surgery like this. She needs a stretcher. She needs to change out of her pajamas." _

"_The surgeons will do that," the nurse said. _

"_No," Shelby said again. "This doesn't make sense." _

"_What are you operating on her for?" _

"_Let me take her," she urged. _

"_No," Shelby said. This wasn't like her other dreams. this wasn't real. The couldn't be real. "She's not going with a nurse in sweatpants!" _

"_Ma'am let us do our job," she insisted. She pulled Rachel from her arms and carried her haphazardly in her arms down the long hallway. _

_Shelby went after them. "I don't understand why she needs surgery." _

"_It's simple. We're going to repair her... and then she'll be fine." _

"_Her what?" Shelby asked. They walked through swinging doors and then when shelby got to them a half second later, they were locked. She banged on the door. "What is going on?! Give me my kid!" _

_Shelby blinked and she was sitting in the waiting room flipping through a Newsweek magazine. She wouldn't be doing this. She wouldn't. The nurse came out and she was holding a scrub cap. Why... what?_

_She stood up. "I know I said it was simple," she began. "But it became complicated. We did everything we could." _

"_No!" Shelby said as she rushed to the doors that were still magically locked. "NO!" _

"_I'm sorry. Rachel's dead. We couldn't revive her." _

Shelby sat up gasping for breath. What was going on with her?

….

Rachel rubbed her eyes and sat up. She frowned and looked around the room. She was alone in bed.

A laugh from could be heard from beneath her bed. She looked around. She was in Quinn's bed. She looked around again. Santana's sweatshirt was in Quinn's bed too. Well, Rachel reconsidered, it was their dad's sweatshirt but Santana wore it all the time.

"San?"

"Shhh... you woke her up," Santana whispered.

"I didn't. You did," Quinn giggled back. "She's totally going to tell on us."

"She won't," Santana whispered back. Rachel rubbed her eyes again when she saw Santana come into focus and stagger out from under the loft bed. "Hey, bug," she smiled goofily. "Come here."

Santana held out her arms and pulled Rachel safely into them. Rachel hugged her back unsure of what they were doing. She carried her behind a sheet that was draped under Quinn's bed like a fort.

"What are we doing?" she asked with a yawn as Santana sat down and pulled her into her lap.

"We're just drinking some juice and playing cards," Santana smiled.

"But it's late," Rachel said leaning back into Santana.

"It is," Santana smiled.

"Can I have some juice too?"

Santana and Quinn exchanged a look.

"It's not vegan," Santana argued.

"I'm not vegan anymore, remember? I can do it," Rachel frowned.

Quinn and Santana exchanged another look with each other. "Only very little though, Rachel, because you aren't used to it"

Rachel nodded and took a sip of Santana's juice and made a sour face but continued to drink the juice because her sisters were watching her, expecting her not to like it.

"Okay, that's enough," Santana said quickly.

After about twenty minutes Rachel had had a few more sips. Santana watched as her younger sisters swayed with intoxication. She was wondering if they couldn't mix alcohol with the medications they were on. However, Santana's own buzzed brain didn't mind. She laughed. Naw. This was making her feel better. She hadn't gone to barely any parties this year and she hadn't been able to let loose, escape. She knew in her heart that Christmas this year wasn't a disaster. There weren't any fights or anything terrible. The fox was bizarre, and incredibly ironic, her brain told herself.

She looked over at her sisters. They were happy. Why couldn't she be happy? Why couldn't she be grateful? She paused. She couldn't do a lot of things; she knew that better than anyone.

"Santana," Quinn asked. "Why are you reeelllly upset."

Santana leaned back and felt Rachel tilt her head and look up at her.

"I don't know how to be happy," she whispered.

"Cheers to that!" Quinn laughed as she raised her glass.

"Me TOO!" Rachel raised hers and almost spilt it everywhere.

"It hurts everyday and I just don't know how to deal with it," Santana said calmly.

Rachel turned and looked at her straight on from Santana's lap and pulled at her shirt. "Do you have a boo-boo? Where?"

"I think we gave her too much," Santana cackled as she pulled Rachel back into her lap.

"Well, I'm officially your sister, so I can help you... not that I wasn't before but Imma CORCORAN BITCHES!"

"Me too! Me too!" Rachel scrunched her nose. "BITCHES!"

Santana laughed and screamed when the curtain that had been covering their fort was removed.

"Excuse me?" Shelby asked tiredly with her hands on her hips.

"Uh... ohhhhh," Rachel sang. She yanked on Quinn and Santana's shirts. "We woke Mumma up," she whispered in a less than whisper.

"You certainly did," Shelby said.

**So there you have it. We kinda sorta completely survived the holidays. It wasn't EXACTLY what I pictured, but I think it is one of the best it can be. Please let me know what you all think. **

**Also! Please check out my tumblr and check out the trailers that Amanda has put together. They're amazing! Also, I posted above a script that Ally put together. Take a look! :) **


	61. Chapter 61

krazyy989 – Shelby is not too pleased with the vodka drinking but she knows that this is a sign of things that are much worse. Santana has drank before as has Quinn – it is not a one time thing for them but with Shelby as her mom I don't think she did it too often. She didn't really have a change too, but those occasional times whenshe was able to go to a party she did. With Quinn she went to parties and drank but that was limited because of her parents as well. Thanks for the review.

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for the cookie! I do love your cookies! Yeah Sugar's ideas are a little crazy but she is a spoiled rich kid so there may be some more before we are through. However, while spoiled, Sugar cares a lot and this is the only way she knows how. With the trial coming up Noah and Santana are going to have to deal with the memories from Hiram's trial. It is going to be emotional for all of them. Thanks for reviewing!

Cookie07 – I wish they had developed Sugar more on the show it would have made Glee more of the comedy it should be but since they aren't going to do it I am going to try and sprinkle some Sugar into this story. Santana is very sad and is going to have a really tough time over the next couple of weeks – she just has to learn to communicate better and allow her family to help her through this. Shelby is not going to be too pleased with her daughters but as usual they will get through it. Thank you for the review.

blueashke – Thank you for reviewing. Of course they would get caught. These kids have to learn it is very hard right now to get anything past Shelby.

lemon-rind – I am very glad you liked the Christmas scenes. Rachel just wanted her present to be special and what is more special than a wild animal. Putting her and Sugar together may not be the smartest idea but they are starting to enjoy their friendship. I use the word full a lot to describe the way people feel. It is something that I have grown up saying. Thanks for the review.

Look4me – Yes Quinn is officially part of the Corcoran clan and there is no going back – she will be one forever. The drinking is just the start of bigger problems and you are correct the grounding isn't working and they are still acting out so something has to change. Shelby does not hit and will never. So Shelby will work with the professionals to help get these kids through the trial and how to not act out. Grounding may still occur but it needs to be adjusted and effective. I am sorry you don't agree that Rachel is intelligent. Rachel is just an 11 year old. She has been through traumatic experiences that no adult should have been through let alone a child. She is book smart but she is naïve and emotionally very young. She longs for security something that was ripped from her in the very early stages of her life. So her emotional skills and social skills maybe behind others her age but it is all due to the trauma that she faced. Thank you for reviewing.

Sarah11650 – Shelby's nightmares were horrible and she is suffering like all the kids are – she needs to allow herself to get help as well. And she is doing that. Thank you for reviewing.

OTHangels – Thank you !

Scout88 - Sorry the computer ate your review. I hate when that happens. This chapter is also another monster chapter. Shelby needs someone other than her family to talk to and as much as I love Gus – right now Shelby can barely have time for herself let alone a new relationship. Its not over by any means but right now there is no time for it. Shelby is a saint because my beta cringes every time she has to take her 9 year old to any store so she is a saint in her book for taking 3 kids at one time and having it be Christmas time. Sugar is brutally honest and the things she says makes people cringe but they also get to the heart of the matter. The trial is going to bring a whole bunch of emotions to the surface and they will have to be dealt with right then and there but they will survive. Quinn is now and forever a Corcoran. I am glad you are enjoying the story and I so appreciate your indepth reviews!

Abbie – The trigger of Shelby's nightmares is that fact that she can see the kids are struggling and she knows that the trial is only going to make it worse and no matter how hard she tries to shelter them or ease them through it. She feels helpless and nothing is harder than feeling helpless to your children. Thanks for the review.

thelastcenturian – Wow thank you so much! Thank you for the review! have i told you how much i love your stories lately?! amazing! cannot wait for the update of Irrefutable.

Brittanyismyunicorn – Sorry I made you wait so long for this chapter – these next couple of chapters are so emotional that it takes time to write them and get them out right. I am glad you enjoyed them. The nightmares are horrible and is showing how worried that Shelby is about the kids. She feels helpless like she cannot stop their pain. I often wish I could hug all the characters. Thank you for reviewing and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Fangirl44 – Drunk Rachel is funny but it won't happen a lot due to her age. She is only 11. And with Shelby as the mom – it wont happen anytime soon. Thanks for the review.

krbutler – Not really anything a mom wants to hear at that time of night from her 11 year old. Thanks for the review.

Ryoko05 – I hope you enjoyed the trailer. I love it. Don't get caught at work though. Shelby is very upset about the drinking but she also knows it is another sign that the girls are spiraling faster out of control. Her anger will be more controlled because of that – while she is angry, they did it for a reason other than a high school party – so she will be more concerned with that. The rest of the family though will be adding in their unwanted two cents too. Thanks for the review.

Iuterpi – Well grounding has not really been working lately so it may be a case of reverse psychology and see how that works. The trial is not going to be fun for anyone involved. But the girls have to talk or someone is going to walk and then it will be worse. Thank you for reviewing.

JWilson18 – Loved your review – so concise. Thank you for that –You were so right! Don't worry. The girls will think about the consequences of their actions this chapter.

Lolathe17th – Santana just got the bottle from the cabinet – Shelby didn't know she would have to lock things up but now she does. The drinking is a sign of something deeper for the two older girls and Rachel was just along for the ride. Shelby dreams are showing her concerns and worries. Will they be able to survive all this. Based on what happened for Christmas I am pretty sure that New Years eve will be a very quiet affair for everyone. Thanks for the review.

OutOfNoWhereHereIAm – Rachel definitely didn't know it was alcohol so she wont be in too much trouble. The other girls will be hearing about it a lot though. Thanks for the review.

lifeloveinsanity28 – I am glad you are enjoying the story. I apologize for the update being so slow. It is a tough chapter to write because it is a build up of so much. Thank you for your kind words.

Stuck –I am sorry you feel like this story is dragging on. The issues are complex and in my opinion do not go away quickly or completely. I am sorry you feel like discontinuing to read this story and I thank you for staying with it as long as you have.

AdriannaAJ – Thank you for the review sorry for the slow update. There will be some Brittana moments in this chapter – perhaps not all that positive. No Kurt/Rachel for a while though. Noah isn't ready to find a girl just yet but he will.

Renata – Thank you – I love your reviews and look forward to them. I am glad you enjoyed this chapter. Rachel can't really have a pet right now – while it may be therapeutic I think in the end Shelby has too much going on to take that on as well.

marinka4 – Well there is a sequel and all the characters are in it so that should answer your question on whether or not they are a premonition. Thanks for the review.

darlingdancer124 – I am glad that you are attached. My beta and I are extremely close to these characters. In some ways they are like our babies. Thank you so much for your review.

fireman12468 – Thank you – I hope you like this chapter.

Bueller – I am glad you laughed in that chapter because this chapter is a little more heavy than that one. Thank you for your review.

Guest – you are correct, it is a very angsty story. There is not much humor in this chapter. Thanks for review.

TommyH – thank you very much

Chapter 61

**You all have been so patient and thank you doesn't feel like enough. Thank you for reading. Please be aware that I am not a lawyer. I decided to sue my "creative license" with my limited law knowledge. I am only familiar with out the state deals with parenting rights. And I can certainly tell you that I'm surprised every day. (But don't worry, Shelby won't lose the kids.) The point is that I'm not a lawyer. I'm still doing my best to tell an honest story of how trauma can affect this family. I hope that you enjoy this chapter. **

…

Shelby stared at the girls. Her exhaustion had just turned into a migraine.

"Sawwwwwrreeee," Rachel said swaying back. "We're drinking juice. Wannnna have some juice? It's great juice." She smiled. "Juicy Juice!"

Shelby narrowed her eyes and looked at the almost half empty bottle of Vodka that Santana was trying and failing to conceal. "Rachel, you're not drinking juice," she said glaring at the girls. Drinking was bad enough but including Rachel was a new low.

Rachel held up the glass to look at its contents and almost tipped it over in the process in her unsteady hand. "No, it's juiccssssse, Mumma," she slurred again.

"Juice!" Quinn offered as she held out the bottle of grape juice as she tried her best to balance herself and look the most sober. However, she was failing with flying colors.

Shelby pinched the bridge of her nose. "Enough, get up."

"Mom, we're finnnnne," Santana said as she pressed her lips together. She was attempting to sober up, but lost her balance as she maneuvered her weight with Rachel in her lap.

Shelby suspected that Santana had consumed most of the alcohol simply by the fact that Quinn and Rachel's glasses were half full and Santana's was empty. She sighed and looked at the girls and slowly realized that this situation could escalate to something more serious.

Shelby knelt down. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked Quinn and Rachel.

"Perfect!" she smiled brightly as she struggled to get to her feet.

Santana scowled and leaned forward heavily forcing Rachel to look at her. "Why wouldn't you feeeel grreeat?" she asked as she looked at Rachel and then over at Quinn. "You're finnnnne."

Shelby ignored Santana and looked at Quinn and then back at Rachel. Rachel managed to push herself to her feet so she was standing in front of her kneeling mother. She smiled brightly, determined to prove that she was fine. However, the smile didn't remain on her face for long as gravity seemed to melt it from her face when she felt a lurch of her stomach. She shook her head frantically. "I don't feel good."

"You okay?" a new voice asked.

Shelby looked over her shoulder and was grateful to see her father at the door.

"Pop-pop, I don't feel very-airy-weary good," Rachel said shaking her head.

"What's going on?" Helen asked peaking in, causing Santana to give a loud grown. "Are you drunk?" she asked.

"Nana, shhhh," Rachel said. "The boys are sleeeeping."

"What's going on?" Bear asked walking into the room as well.

Shelby suddenly regretted having Christmas at her home as she rubbed her temples. "Let's just get something in their stomach and back in bed."

"Ugh," Quinn said cradling her head. "Sweeeeet baby Mary Jesus Joseph and Easter."

Santana scowled at her sister's words. "What?"

"How are you feeling, Quinn?" Helen asked going to her side.

Rachel reached her arms up with a moan of exhaustion and Bear pulled her up into his arms. "Okay," he said rubbing her back. "Let's head downstairs."

"It's not the mornnnning," Quinn muttered. She tilted her head and looked out the window, surprised to see that it was getting light outside. She winced. "Ugh. My head."

"It's four-thirty," Shelby said standing up. "Let's go."

Santana frowned "I don't understand," she hissed pushing herself unsteadily to her feet, but only made it halfway.

Shelby shook her head. "Santana, are you feeling okay?"

"We're justttt…. Drunk," she said crisping the k.

"Exactly," Shelby said frankly. "Get up."

A few minutes later the girls were pushing grilled cheese sandwiches around their plates as Shelby hung up the phone.

"I can't believe you called Dr. Pierce," Santana said quietly, slightly more sobered up. " I don't care if he was already awake to go into the hospital."

She had been complaining and mumbling since they had come downstairs. For the most part everyone was quiet. However, at the statement, a clang of plates was heard. The room looked at Bear, who stood at the sink exhaling heavily.

"Santana," Bear snapped. "We are not doctors. We needed to know exactly how the girl's medications would react to the alcohol due to the fact that they don't have a spleen or a kidney."

Santana frowned deeply at her uncle. She understood that it was five in the morning and she understood that drinking wasn't okay and it could have been a risk drinking with antibiotics but she had drank with it before and didn't understand.

"It just... It just gets you drunker faster," she said quietly looking between her uncle and her mother.

"There are so many other things that you didn't consider, Santana," Bear bit. "Did you?"

Her mother put her hands up. "We're finished discussing this. You'll all be fine. Maybe even a little headache later in the morning but..." Shelby trailed off and shook her head. "Let's go back to bed and we'll talk about this later."

"I agree," Helen stated, "But we can't blame this all on Santana."

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "Rachel and I aren't idiots and we're not sitting ducks. I …. I am not saying that it was a good choice, but it was my choice. You can't blame it all on her."

She shifted and looked over at Rachel, expecting her to weigh in.

"No, we're certainly blaming you too," Helen said. "What were you thinking?"

"Okay, enough," Shelby stated. She turned to the girls. "You are in trouble, but I won't lecture you on this now. I'll at least wait until the sun comes up. But please, take a moment to consider that question, 'What were you thinking?''"

An uncomfortable silence settled over them.

As if on queue, Rachel heaved and threw up just shy of the garbage bin that Michael was attempting to offer. Santana and Quinn both grimaced at the sight and smell, sobering with every sniff.

Shelby sighed.

"I got it," Michael and Bear said at once.

"Bring them upstairs," Bear said. "We'll bring Rach up in a sec."

Shelby nodded and motioned for the elder two girls upstairs. Quinn was clearly considering her words, but there was something in Santana's eyes. Shelby pushed down her concern and just focused on getting the girls to lay down. Quinn started toward her room.

"No, you girls are sleeping with me," Shelby said.

"Why?" Santana asked with a hiss.

"Because, I said so," she said after a long pause.

"I'm sorry," Quinn muttered. "But I'm with Santana. You can't be this mad about this."

Shelby put her hands on her hips. "And why is that?"

"We love you and we know that you love us, but we have no escape," Quinn began quietly, but her words becan to trail off. "Christmas was amazing... but … it's hard... and … San..." She looked over at her sister. She took a deep breath. "…. We just ... we needed to breathe."

Shelby sighed. "Well, I understand that, but drinking with your eleven year old sister isn't the route to go. You two need to be more responsible. Quinn, you're sick and have no spleen AND you're on medication..." She shook her head "Let's try to rest and we'll talk about this in the morning."

"NO!" Santana said. "I want to talk about this now!"

Quinn looked at her with a frown. "Santana, it's okay," she whispered. "We didn't do anything wrong."

"You did," Shelby stated, "and we will talk about it later."

"I said, now!" she hissed. "I don't want to talk about it later...and REST. At least, Bear took the time to yell!"

"Okay," Shelby said calmly. "I'm deeply disappointed in you two. I still love you very very much and I recognize that I haven't given you an opportunity to relax. I'll give your television time and your internet access back. However, you girls need to remember the reason it was taken away in the first place. You keep breaking rules and by doing so you've left me really nothing else to take away as punishment." Shelby shook her head as she took a deep breath. "I do understand that you girls need something though and like I said, I will give you the television and Internet if-"

"I don't care about that crap!" Santana said knocking over a lamp as she cut her mother off. I just want to be left alone."

"Well, that's not an option," Shelby stated. "You guys will have more space but it'll be supervised in someway, because I can't even let you sleep on your own now without wondering if you're drinking."

"You have to give us space though!" Santana spat back. "I can't breathe! You'll only force me to drink more!"

An eery silence fell over them.

"What's going on?" Bear asked coming to the door.

Shelby put her hand up, stopping him. "Santana, look at me." She didn't. "Santana." Nothing. "Santana."

"I don't want to be here," Santana said suddenly.

"Okay," Shelby said. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to go for a drive," she said quickly.

"You can't, you've been drinking."

"You told me you'd give me space. I want my damn space!" she said sharply.

"Okay," Bear said putting his hands up once he saw the hurt look on his sister-in-law's face caused by Santana's snap. "I'll drive you."

Shelby and Bear looked at one another. Shelby was unsure, but knew her daughter well-enough that Santana needed some space. She needed to clear her head. They had put too much direct blame on her and now it was having its effects.

"Put on a sweatshirt, San," Bear said gently. "If you want to go, then let's go."

Quinn watched Santana leave with a heavy heart. She didn't know what to say and most of all she didn't know what to feel. She wasn't as angry as she knew that Santana and she felt like she should be. She knew Santana was on the edge right now, but she didn't know exactly on the edge of what. She felt Santana's anguish, but she couldn't feel it genuinely herself. This was her best Christmas and she could see clearly that Santana was struggling through this one. Santana took such responsibility for the happiness of others, but couldn't find it for herself.

Quinn watched as Santana pulled on her sweatshirt and headed out the door. It occurred to her in that moment that while she was making a new foundation and learning to accept love and support at all, Santana was learning how to repair her own foundation that had been so tragically broken. Santana had had their perfect life. Quinn climbed into bed and rethought. Perhaps it wasn't perfect...but what it became was so far from perfect that everything before seemed to be harmonious. Quinn felt she understood that more than she did before.

Rachel was asleep within a few seconds of being brought up by Michael. She was now laying in Shelby's bed... her mother's bed... staring at the ceiling. Why was everyone blaming Santana? She was just as responsible. Santana was hurting. She wasn't responsible for everything.

Quinn's mulling and finally she couldn't restrain herself from keeping her thoughts in her head. "I know you're awake. I know that you are mad... but … we weren't getting behind the wheel... we were drinking responsibly," she argued. "I'm sorry you're so upset," she said into the dark.

"Quinn," Shelby said quietly. "Do you really think that?"

Quinn paused for a moment. "I didn't want her to drink alone... It's so much, Mom..."

"What is?" Shelby asked shifting in bed toward Quinn.

"Everything that's happening. It's a lot for her... for us. There is so much on the line. She tried so hard this Christmas and … it didn't turn out how she wanted it... and she's not just being spoiled and whining. She's hurting. And... What I say next week …. " Quinn trailed off and looked at Rachel. "If I mess up next week... he'll be out...It's just so much."

"Quinn," Shelby began.

"I don't want to talk about. What I'm saying is that Santana is scared... and she's sad because... She's just... She was disappointed and I'm sorry that you're mad but I'm not sorry for what we did. You can't be mad at her. She needs to breathe and she needs to forget and... I do, too."

Shelby licked her lips. "I'm sorry that you want to forget."

"You shouldn't be sorry. This isn't your fault. It just sucks. Don't you ever feel like you can't breathe? Like it's all too much?"

Shelby looked at her daughter. "Of course I do, but we still need to find a responsible way for you to relieve that stress."

Quinn nodded into the dark. Her eyes fading close. "Fine."

"Quinn, I understand what you are saying but it's not right and I think deep down you and Santana know that it is wrong." She sighed. "And it can't happen again. You need sleep and so do I."

She was met with a tiny snore. Quinn was asleep.

….

Bear drove around the corner, trying his best not to be affected by the silence of his niece.

"Where are we going?" he asked gently.

"I don't care," she mumbled rolling down the window and letting her face be blasted by the biting cold of the late December night.

Bear sighed and turned onto another street. They circled around the neighborhood. He stopped at the stop sign, still looking for other cars even though the streets were silent.

"You know what, you can just drop me off here," she said as she reached to open the door. "I need some air."

Bear didn't even try to reach for the door because when Santana tried to open it, nothing happened. She flipped her gaze and glared at her uncle. "CHILD LOCKS!? You turned on the CHILD LOCKS!?"

"You're trying to get out of the car, aren't you?" He sighed. "Listen, I will drive you around for as long as you want. That was the deal, but you are not getting out of this car."

"I don't want to talk," she snapped.

"I didn't say that you had to," he said gently.

"Don't do that," she snapped again. "You have no idea what i'm going through and what I feel."

"You're right. I don't, but we're all here for you. We love you and support you and -"

"I know that," Santana bit again. "I don't need you to love and support me. I need you to leave me the hell alone."

"We're not going to do that," he said.

"Why the hell not?" she asked.

"Santana, calm down," he pushed.

"NO, I want to know," she said turning to him. She looked into his eyes, searching for an answer. "You don't trust me," she stated simply. "Mom, always thought I would hurt someone... hurt Rachel..."

"Santana," he said gently. "That's not what we think."

"I know it is, so you can stop pretending," she said staring out the window.

"I'm not pretending, San," he said. "We're not afraid of you, Santana, we know you."

She turned and showed him a glare but remained silent for a moment. "Then what is it?"

"You hold so much in that we're not sure how to read you... and it scares us," he said.

She scoffed. "I don't see what the difference is."

"You have so much going on and we get worried-"

"Why?!" she hissed. "Look around …. I'm not the problem. I'm figuring it out."

"Is that what this is?" he asked honestly. "Me and you out in the car before sunrise after you binged drank with your little sisters?"

She looked away. "That's not what happened."

"Really? Because from where I'm sitting that's what it looks like." He shook his head. "We love you and we're here for you."

"I know that!" she interrupted. "God! You have to stop saying that because you being there, doesn't make it easier or … better... or... It's just... I'm trying to figure out how to …..." She shook her head with a shrug. "I don't know."

"San, you know that this isn't okay. It's okay if you feel overwhelmed and angry and -"

"You don't know what I'm feeling!" she said again. "Stop pretending that you do." He looked at her ready to respond but then stopped when he saw her face. Santana looked back at him with an exhausted look and tearful eyes. "I don't know what I'm feeling... I … just... I feel... Today sucks. The week before sucked and next week is going to suck. You get to drink. Why can't I?"

"It's illegal," he said simply. "And Santana, this is a problem. I just... I know it sucks. It hurts me to see you hurting and I … I hate it." He sighed. "Maybe I can finish the tree house for you sooner rather than later and -"

"I don't need you to fix this for me," she said. "I just... I don't need you to fix me." Her voice was so quiet. She turned and looked at her uncle. "So stop."

He gave her a soft smile. "I promise you. We'll get through this."

She frowned. "You can't promise that... None of us know..." She shook her head. "I thought we didn't have to talk..."

He nodded. "Sorry. You're right."

"I want to go home," she whispered.

"Okay, San," he said gently.

She knew she was still in trouble. She didn't know what to say, but she knew she was feeling something. She was so anxious that she was shaking, but what she hated most was that she knew she couldn't stop it. She just had to let it go from a boil to a simmer until it didn't hurt so much.

…..

Rachel chewed her food quietly. The kitchen was so silent. The entire family was sitting in silence. She didn't understand. Santana was frowning so deeply that Rachel was sure she was angry not just at herself but her waffle. Rachel looked over her glass of juice at Santana's plate.. The waffle looked great to her. Poor waffle, it was just caught in the crossfire.. The eleven year old glanced over at Quinn. The blonde didn't look content as she chewed on her bacon. She looked annoyed. Quinn never usually looked like that when she ate bacon.

"I don't understand," Rachel said quietly.

"What don't you understand?" Bear asked as he put another waffle on Noah and Griffin's place. "Please try to eat some fruit too, boys."

"Why is everyone upset?" Rachel asked trying to mask her confusion with faux maturity.

Noah arched his brow at her. "Seriously?"

Rachel narrowed her eyes. "We weren't drinking naked in the back of a Lexus kissing a bimbo planning to drive home," she sneered.

"Touche," Quinn said with an approving nod.

"Seriously?" Griffin grinned with his mouth full of food looking at Noah in surprise. "Shitney?"

"Ewww," Santana said throwing her napkin at Griffin.

"Griffin! Language," Bear scolded.

"That's her name," Griffin interrupted.

"Rachel," Nana said with wide eyes looking at the youngest. She looked at Noah with a disappointment as new as the first time she heard about it. "Noah!?"

"Mom," Shelby scolded.

"Shel," Pop-Pop intervened.

"Shut up," Joey muttered into her cup.

"Enough!" Bear stated over the chaos. "Everyone eat their damn food."

The family looked at him in surprise.

"You said-" Rachel started.

Quinn reached over and clamped her hand over Rachel's mouth. "We know," she whispered. "Eat your food."

Shelby sighed and leaned her arm on the table as she continued to eat.

"You okay?" Helen asked rubbing Shelby's back.

Shelby's head shot up and she gave a smile at the family.

"I'm fine," she said. She looked at the girls. "I'm a little tired because you three woke me up."

Rachel frowned and tilted her head. "We always wake you up. Almost every night and you don't look like this."

"She has a point," Joey said. Shelby narrowed her eyes at her.

"You should really try to sleep through the night," Helen offered.

Rachel looked at her sisters and then her brother with another thoughtful, but now apologetic look. "I'm sorry that we wake you up so often." In all honesty, she was but she never thought about how it affected her mother.

Shelby glared at her mother and sister. She sighed. "Rachel, you can always wake me up, okay?"

She tilted her head with trepidation. "Promise?" she asked.

Shelby took her hands in hers. "I promise." She gave the kids a weak smile. "We all have to take care of ourselves. We need to try." She met Santana's eyes. "Okay?"

Santana rolled her eyes but nodded down at her food. "Okay."

…..

Santana stared down at the sink of dirty dishes. Scrub and rinse, she told herself, as she willed herself to get it together. She was so stuck in her head. She needed to snap out of it and she needed to do it fast.

"Ugh," she said leaning forward slightly when she felt thin arms wrap themselves around her waist. She looked down and saw that it was Rachel. She closed her eyes with a frustration. The fact that Rachel could see that she was upset was a red flag in itself to pull it together. What she hated was that she didn't know why she was so upset, she just knew that she was.

She rinsed and dried her hands with Rachel's hands still wrapped around her. She unwrapped Rachel's arms and pulled the girl up into her arms.

She sighed heavily with a mock groan. "When did you get to be so big? What happened to the tiny five year old?"

"Santana," she growled with a pout.

Quinn leaned back against the counter as she dried off the dish that Santana handed her. "Seriously? Pretty sure she's the average size for an eight year old."

Rachel pouted deeper. "I was just trying to give you a hug and you're being mean."

"I didn't get a hug," Quinn pointed out.

"I was just making an observation," Santana smirked folding her hands under Rachel's bottom as the younger girl frowned at her. "Don't do that, Rachel. You look sour and like the girl from Willie Wonka."

Rachel tried to frown differently but couldn't. "I'm sorry you got into trouble," Rachel said honestly to both of them.

Santana rolled her eyes and set Rachel down. "Don't worry about it," she said quickly.

Rachel wrung out her hands as she pondered her words as the older girls returned to washing dishes.

"Was there something else, bug?" Quinn asked. Rachel walked over to Quinn and gave a gentle hug. "Uhhh... thanks," Quinn muttered.

The young girl returned to staring at them in silent contemplation.

"Um..." she began.

"What, Rach?"

"Are you alcoholics?" she asked out of the blue.

"What?" Pop-Pop called from the breakfast nook.

Santana dropped her plate into the soapy water with a splash.

"Well... you both say you feel better... or you drink to feel better... and …. people drink when they're stressed ANNNND then become dependent on it... it becomes their … crutch..." She narrowed her eyes as she processed her words. "Is drinking your crutch? That's what they call it... you're... um... emotionally broken. We learned in last year during Know Your Body, Know Yourself Week."

"What were they teaching you over there?" Joey asked from behind the paper next to her father.

Rachel turned and looked over her shoulder. "I also learned where babies came from... but I already knew... but some kids were grossed out... but most of us were just very confused..." she trailed off and shook her head slightly. "... I'm not as confused anymore though..."

Quinn looked over at Rachel and paused. She knew exactly what she was talking about and it broke her heart. She caught Joey's eye of concern and spotted Santana seething next to her. She opened her mouth to say something but then got cut off.

"I... just," Rachel began again before Quinn had the chance to say anything. "I don't want to be an alcoholic, too. It's bad for your liver... right? and... I don't want your livers to do badly... and I don't think you're emotionally... crippled...Right? Are you too young to go to AA?"

Santana shook her head in frustration. "Rachel, we're not going to AA."

"I heard the first step is admitting you have a problem," she said gently. "I think that's true in anything. Elyse said that. Maybe she can be AA."

"Rachel, no one is doing AA, honey," Pop-Pop said gently.

"Why not?" she asked. Quinn shook her head.

"Because according to your definition we're all winos," Joey scoffed.

"What?" Rachel frowned.

"Joey, you're not helping," Bear scolded.

"But... it's supposed to be used responsibly... and I thought responsibly meant not driving or …. um... playing sports. … like... swimming while you did it... But... I guess... it means … emotionally too right? I remembered the crutches from school...Well... what I learned at school."

"Rach," Santana said with her arms folded. "We're fine."

"You always say that," she said, discouraged.

"True," Santana said as she cupped her sister's face. "But I mean it."

Rachel frowned and looked at her sisters. "Really?"

"Yeah," Quinn nodded. "Yes, we … um..." Her eyes volleyed between the adults in the room.

"We're de-stressing," Santana finished. She rolled her eyes at her grandmother only to receive a glare and a cleared throat. "We did wrong and we're in trouble. We're sorry that you were tricked into it."

Rachel narrowed her eyes. "I didn't get tricked. It just happened. I'm... I'm happy that you let me..."

Santana looked down at her with surprise.

"Hey," Shelby asked passing through. "What's going on?"

"We found another reason to pull Rachel from that school," Joey called from the paper she was looking through.

"Lovely," Shelby said with an annoyed glare at her sister. "San, Quinn, I expect the list of things to be finished when I get home."

"Can I help?"

"You want to clean, Rach?" Shelby asked.

Rachel nodded, suddenly feeling shy with everyone's eyes on her.. "Yeah," she muttered. "I …. I drank too..."

Shelby narrowed her eyes. "Okay..." She kissed each of the girls. "San, Brittany is stopping by later this afternoon to go for a run with you."

"And be followed by the secret service," Santana stated rolling her eyes.

Bear chuckled. "Ya, hear that? I'm the secret service."

Santana rolled her eyes. "Can't we just run by ourselves?"

"No," she stated. "She can stay for a bit after though." She looked at Quinn and Rachel. "You're welcome to invite someone over. Maybe Kurt ... or... Dylan?"

Santana scoffed. "Neither."

Quinn shook her head. "I really don't think Dylan would want to come over... to be watched...Maybe some other time."

Rachel frowned. "I like Kurt but maybe Sugar can come over."

Shelby arched her brow. "Since your Christmas adventure, she's been grounded."

"Mom, it's Sugar. She doesn't know how to be grounded."

"Well, she is," Shelby stated. "And technically so are you."

"But we're having friends over," Rachel frowned.

"True." Shelby pulled on her jacket.

"Where are you going?" Rachel asked.

Quinn frowned. "She told us earlier, Rachel. She's meeting with Patrick."

"Why?"

"Because … um... because..." Quinn looked over at Shelby.

"Because sometimes I need to talk to someone to," Shelby finished.

"Why?"Rachel asked as she visibly swallowed.

Santana was staring out the window with her hands idly on the edge of the sink full of dirty dishes. She smiles slightly at the sight of Brittany. She felt a nudge in her side. She looked over and Quinn was nodding in Rachel's direction. She followed her gaze and looked over at Rachel. Rachel had been sticking to them like glue. She was trying her best not to look worried and was only making it more obvious that she was.

"Rach-" Shelby and Santana said at the same time. Rachel looked between them as Santana and Shelby exchanged a look that her eleven year old mind couldn't read.

"You don't want to hang out with me?" Santana asked with mock offense as she reached out and ran her hand through Rachel's hair, causing the girl to roll her eyes.

Shelby watched her eldest daughter carefully. Something was going on. She couldn't put her finger on it. She shook her head, bringing herself back to the moment.

"Rach, I'm just going to meet with Patrick like I always do," Shelby said as she zipped up her coat.

"But it might snow," Rachel said. "It said on the weather channel that it might snow."

She pointed at the family room through the living room where Noah and the cousins were watching Inception and screaming confused and baffled obscenities and then being scolded by Bear who was mumbling the same things.

"It was on..." She frowned at the new movie that was on and remembered that she was semi-booted from the room once the boys decided they wanted to watch the movie. Noah told her that she could stay and she did for about five minutes but she kept leaning into his side so much to cover her eyes and consequently smelling Noah's armpits that she moved to the kitchen. "Well... It was on... when I was watching Animal Planet."

"I have a great car for snow, Rach," Shelby said gently, "and it's not going to get heavy until tonight. So I'll see you all later." She pointed at Quinn and Rachel. "There's no shame in taking a nap girls. and Santana, you and Brittany can hang out but open door policy."

"You're late," Joey stated, still not moving her papers.

Shelby rolled her eyes and started out the door. "Behave please."

"I'll try to keep her in line but you know how your sister can be," Michael called out.

"Knock knock," Brittany called as she entered the kitchen. Rachel ran to her and Brittany picked her up in her arms. "Hey, there."

Rachel wove her fingers around the back of Brittany's neck and leaned back and smiled at her.

"Do you know what Noah gave me for Christmas?"

"What?" Brittany grinned.

"A room! His room! Well, not his room...but the basement. His man-cave! He's building me a studio..." Her smiled faded. "I don't know... I don't know when I'll be ready to use it, but..." Her eyes relite. "YOU can come over and use it too!"

Santana looked over at Brittany and gave her a soft smile. She already knew that as a teacher over at the dance school, Brittany was able to go in to the big studio whenever she wanted. But she also knew that Brittany wouldn't tell Rachel that.

"That is a great idea," Brittany said without a hint of hesitation. "You should show me it."

Rachel scrambled. "I'll do it right now!"

"Let me say hello to San and Quinn first," Brittany said as she also greeted Michael and Joey who gave her nods of hello.

"Hey," Brittany smiled at Quinn as she rested her hand on the small of Santana's back as the brunette continued to wash dishes slowly but looked over her shoulder and kissed her girlfriend, softly on the lips. "Hey," she whispered as she leaned her forehead against Santana's for a brief moment.

"Hi," Santana smiled.

"Come on, Brittany," Rachel said as she pulled at Brittany's hand.

Brittany rolled her eyes at Santana and Quinn and followed the girl out of the room.

….

"Shelby!"

She looked over her shoulder and her mother was following her out to the car.

"Mom, I'm going to be late," she sighed as she put her bag on the passenger seat. "What?"

"Make sure that you're honest with him," Helen said simply.

"What? Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just don't seem to be too focused right now and I'm worried about you. Despite what you say, I know you're not sleeping and-"

Shelby put her hands up. "Mom, I love you. I hear you but I gotta go okay? I promise we'll talk when I get home. I know I have been avoiding you-"

"Like the plague," Helen pointed out.

"I promise, I'll talk to you later," she whispered going and hugging her mother. "But I have to go. Watch the girls okay? Make sure that Rachel and Quinn take their meds and a snack and also... Noah needs to clean out his gym bags and -"

"Goodbye," Helen pushed her gently into the car.

Shelby pulled out of the driveway and started down the street as she took a deep breath. She wasn't sure what to say or where to begin. She was grateful for the silence. She squeezed her hands around the steering wheel more tightly.. She didn't want to be late for her appointment with Patrick, but she knew that her mother was right. She needed to tell the truth. She knew she was like her children in the sense that she didn't like the vulnerability that was required for a true confession.

She kept thinking back to the worries that the girls must be acting. She knew that a lot was at stake for this trial and she couldn't ease that pain. She couldn't control it at all. However, she knew the girls' insecurities were going to be at their height. She needed to hold it together. She needed to hold it together because she remembered how easily it could all slip away.

_Shelby woke up quietly and looked around the room. The beeping was still driving her crazy. She stood up and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. Noah was sleeping on a cot that they had moved into the room and Santana was sleeping in her own hospital bed that she had moved as close to Rachel's hospital crib as possible. The kids were just found last night. Her family has been in and out, supporting her, but she had sent them home. Her father and mother had refused to go back to Florida though and were now getting coffee. Shelby watched tiredyl as the nurse checked the kids' vitals. She couldn't believe that this was her life. _

_There was a knock at her door and she looked up with a slight jump. _

"_Hi... she said with trepidation. Two women, one older and another that looked around Shelby's age._

"_Hi, Shelby. Can we speak with you?" _

_Shelby looked at the kids and folded her arms tightly over her chest protectively. "Who are you?" she asked as she walked into hallway. _

"_I know that this has been a long process. We met once before. My name is Natalie and this is my partner Gretchen. We're from Child Protective Services and -" _

"_Why?" Shelby asked with a frown. "Why are you here? You don't need to be here. My kids are home with me and they'll be safe with me now." _

"_The police are still conducting their interviews and are just beginning the investigation," Gretchen began. _

"_Don't talk to me like I'm stupid," Shelby snapped. "I know how this works." She narrowed her eyes. "What did someone say? Did someone say I wasn't a fit parent? They don't know anything about us! They don't know!"_

_Gretchen put her hands up. "Let's talk about this in this conference room. We have reserved it and -" _

"_No," Shelby snapped. "I want to know what's going on. What the hell!" _

_Natalie continued with a calm voice. "We just need to talk to you." _

"_No, what you need to do is your initial assessment so you can decide to do an investigation," Shelby snapped. "I know exactly what this is. What were the allegations? What could I possibly be accused of?" _

"_What's going on here?"_

_Shelby turned and saw her father walking toward her with cups of coffee in hand.. "CPS is here to check me out," she said loudly. _

"_Okay," Michael said gently. "Is there somewhere we could talk?" _

_Before anyone could answer, a tiny cry came from the slightly ajar door. _

"_I have to go," Shelby stated as she started toward the door. "Rachel's waking up. She had one of her surgeries, yesterday and I need to be there." _

_Natalie and Gretchen exchanged a look. "Go and check on her," Natalie said. "And then come back. We would really like to talk to you." _

_As if on queue a nurse emerged from the room. "She's fine," she said with a smile. "She just shifted and her pacifier fell out. I put it back in and she went right back to sleep." _

_Shelby suddenly hated the nurse. She wanted to be in there with her kids. She didn't want to be with these women. She felt numb as her father led her into the conference room down the hall. What would someone say about her? What could she possibly do? _

_They sat down quietly at the table. _

"_I cannot imagine what you're going through," Natalie began. _

"_No, you can't," Shelby snapped. _

"_We want to make sure that these kids don't go through anymore hardship," Natalie went on. _

"_Okay..." Shelby stated. _

"_When Santana came in to the hospital, she was exhibiting some behavior that was rather disturbing as did your son," she stated. _

"_With what they've been through , that's understandable. I will get them the services that they need. I know that I can provide them with a safe home," she said defensively._

"_We know you can offer them the services that they need but I am concerned to make sure they are in the transition that we need." _

_Shelby stared at the woman for a moment. There was something that wasn't being said. "What aren't you telling me?" _

"_Santana stated that she doesn't feel safe in the home with you," Natalie said after exchanging a look with her co-worker. "And Noah is presenting concerning behaviors." _

"_They were held hostage for over a month by a psycho who beat and raped them, what type of behaviors do you want them to present?" Shelby snapped. "I will work with her and I will make sure that she's safe. That all of them are. I just don't understand." _

"_We want to make it clear, Shelby, that it is not our intention to take the children from you. You know that. You've worked with CPS. We never want to take custody-" _

"_But?" Shelby interrupted. "Where is the damn but?!" _

"_We want …. we hope that you want to work with the department. The children will need to be getting some specialized services and -" _

"_You want them to go to a residential... you want them to be in care..." Shelby shot up in her seat with a fit. She ran her hand through her hair. "You're kidding me!" _

"_Reunification is our hope, Shelby," Gretchen urged. "You know that we don't want keep the kids. We want to make sure that you have the tools that you need to have these kids back and -"_

"_No! I didn't do anything WRONG! I get what you're doing but I don't need it!" Shelby said as she knocked over a chair. "I lost my kids before and you want to take them away?! AGAIN?!" She shook her head and glared at them. "Let me guess? You want to do supervised visits? You want... UGH! You can't be serious!" _

"_Shelby, calm down," Michael urged. _

"_I know you're upset," Gretchen began,. "But we are trying to make sure that when these kids return home that they feel as safe as possible. They have been through the most devastating trauma-" _

"_That's it... That's really why you're doing this," Shelby stated. "It's because this is...this is such a public case. The entire country knows about this." Shelby shook her head and stuck her tongue in her cheek. "And your department was dealing with the Riley O'Ryan case... the one with the dead children. I'm fucking glad that I can be your platform for great social work!" Shelby shot around the room and continued to pace. She kicked another chair. She felt rage shaking her body. "This is ridiculous! I need to regain back their trust! And you taking them away won't help that!" _

"_Shelby, please listen to this plan. We want to work with you," Natalie urged. _

"_I don't want to listen to this!" Shelby said starting for the door as she slammed her hand against something else. She never felt this out of control. she couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. _

"_Shelby," her father called out to her. "You know that the department isn't here to trick you. They're making sure that you're ready for this. I love you but this... right here... you slamming things. How do you think the kids would handle this?" _

_Shelby felt a surge of pressure in her chest. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I can't do this." _

_Michael stood up and walked toward his daughter. He pulled her into his arms. "Shelby even the most experienced parent needs help with this. They're not asking you to be perfect, but they're asking you to be ready." _

"_But they want to take my kids," she whispered into his neck as he pulled her closer. They want to go into care." _

"_And you will always be able to visit," Natalie stated. You know that sometimes we put harsh limitations but you won't have those. We could do regular home visits and supervised visits. Make sure that you have a good parent aid and -" _

"_I don't need a parent aid," Shelby snapped. _

"_One that could help you with your children's outbursts," Gretchen offered. "You know you can't be having these outbursts." _

_Shelby shook her head. "I want what's best for them." _

"_So work with us," Natalie stated. _

Shelby walked down the hallway to Patrick's office. She never accepted help before that. She sometimes wondered exactly what the children remembered. Noah was in a foster home and she had tried over and over again to explain to him that he wasn't sent there because he as bad but because he didn't need it. He simply didn't need to be at the shelter as much and at that point the kits were spending at least two to three days a week there. It was so confusing, but it had left such deep scars. It was why Will Schuester was able to get to Rachel so easily. All she knew was that the three of them had such a hard time while they were in care even though it was only for barely two months.

"Shelby? You ready?"

She looked up and Patrick was staring back at her. "Yes, sorry... um... Yeah."

Shelby sat down heavily in the seat in front of Patrick.

"Okay," she said directly. "I'm here and I need an answer. Not a suggestion. I don't want you to have me figure it out on my own. I need an answer right now. The trial starts in a few days and I need to be 200% I need an answer."

"To what?" he asked.

She then began the most speedy and exhaustingly detailed description of her dreams and what they were. As she wrapped up her mind started drifting to the memory that she just had.

"Santana," she said suddenly.

"What about her?" Patrick asked. "Your dream of her... is devastating. They all are but I think-"

"She's pulling away from me," Shelby interrupted. She shook her head. "not intentionally but … I don't know. It's almost like a defense mechanism. I'm scared for all of them but with her... I just...Did I ever tell you that she …. she was somewhat of the reason why the kids were in custody for that short time?" Shelby was rambling. The exhausted, sane part of her knew it, but couldn't stop the rest of her that was taking over. "She told them that she didn't feel safe with me... me. " Shelby frowned. "She drank last night and pulled the other girls into it and …."

"Is everyone okay?" Patrick asked.

"Absolutely," Shelby stated. "I called the doctor. My father replaced the lock on the liquor cabinet. Everything is fine... but it's the fact that she needs to... Ugh! I just remembered! Elyse! Remember what I told you last week? She called me in for a meeting … a meeting! Ugh!"

"Shelby," Patrick began.

"What a woman! … oh and you know the drinking, I think Quinn was all for it. Maybe it was Santana's idea but Quinn was right there with her. They pulled Rachel in too. Why do kids drink?" Shelby deflated slightly. "I feel like I'm losing Quinn too... like she feels the need to dress up her problems with fineness. She has put so much pressure on herself for this trial. I … just... ugh... Rachel-"

"Shelby," Patrick interrupted again.

"What?"

"You're exhausted."

"Yes, I am but-"

"You have to take care of yourself," Patrick said. "You're stretching yourself too thin. I've seen you like this. You're strung out on no sleep and worry. Please please just take New Years to relax. Don't do anything just-"

"The trial begins in two days. The girls don't have to testify for another week or so but... the trial begins next week and I'm dreaming that my kids die... so... I just... How can I relax? How?"

"You have to try. Do a game night or a movie night or something. Not high maintenance." He sighed. "Your entire family is there to help you. I know that you're going to turn down any sleep aids that I offer you but let her family help you. I'm proud that you still make these appointments a priority but you really need to make yourself a priority too."

She just shook her head. "I need to be there, Patrick. Rachel would barely let me leave for this." She looked out the window as snow began to fall. "Great," she groaned.

"I am not going to disagree with you Shelby," he said carefully. "while you're wonder woman in so many ways, you're not perfect. You know you need to care for yourself. This trial is going to be horrible on all of you and worse for the girls but you will get through it but don't turn away any extra help. let the experts help where they can. It doesn't make you look weaker. It actually makes you look like an awesome parent doing the best you can for kids that have been dealt terrible cards. even adults can't handle the stuff that has happened to these girls"

"I know that, but I'm their adult. I'm their person,"

"You accepted help before, Shelby you just need to remember why you did. You know you should but that requires that you give and exchange with them. Okay?"

Shelby nodded. "I just don't want them to think I am giving up on them."

"You're not," Patrick urged. "You're accepting help. IT doesn't mean they're bad or not good enough it means their world has become more complicated for just you. Accepting help does NOT make you weak, Shelby."

"I know that," she whispered. "I used to be the service... I used to …. I used to get it... but now it seems so far away." She shook her head. "I have spent so long rebuilding and this and making them feel safe … and i feel like I'm pulling the rug out from under them. They knew that I'm fighting for them."

"I don't think you ever will, but your body might not give you any other choice," he stated. "Go home, be snowed in. Just relax."

She looked out the window and watched the snow fall.

"I should get home," she stated still looking at the snow.

"Drive safe," he said as she stood and started toward the door.

She nodded back at him. " Thanks."

"No problem."

….

Rachel frowned and looked out the window. She couldn't see the Henderson's house anymore because of the snow. She stood up from where she was sitting around the dining room table where they had set up Scattergories. Noah and Griffin becoming physically irritated as they waved their arms in the air and grunted with exasperation as they tried to complete their list. Meanwhile, Bear was quiet and thoughtful as was Brittany. However, Santana wasn't hiding her frustration just as the timer continued to tick. They hadn't been able to go out for their run because of the snow. Therefore, all of their energy was focused on this game.

Still though, Rachel wasn't focused on the game. She kept looking outside. She hadn't even realized that they had brought out the games to distract the family. She hadn't heard her uncle and grandparents talking about the movie looked more like everyone was in their head rather than focused on the plot line. The games brought the innate competitive nature in everyone. However, Rachel's gaze continued to be drawn to the falling snow outside.

"Is this a white out?" she asked from the window.

"Yup," she mumbled looking in Rachel's direction but then Quinn looked around her magazine from where she was lounging back behind Noah and Griffin. "That's not a garden tool," she stated pointing to the boys' list.

"Yes, it is," Griffin argued.

"It's not?" Noah whined. "You can use a chainsaw in the garden."

Rachel wandered over to the window and sat up on her knees as she rested her chin on the back of the couch to look out of the window.

"What if she can't make it? What if she crashes? What if she's stuck like that old lady who had to eat the snow because her car was buried? Will she know to eat the snow? Will the Lambertsons let us borrow their snowmobiler so we can go find her? I didn't buy new snowpants this year. Do you think mine from last year fit? Remember I got a snowsuit instead of snow pants to go with my jacket? I liked that better because then I couldn't get snow stuck in my pants... when I crawled into the snowfort that I made.-"

"Okay, honey," Michael said gently coming up behind her and sitting down. "We'll be fine. You mom is already on her way home and she'll be here any minute."

Rachel frowned and silently shifted and sat abruptly on her grandfather's lap and leaned against him with a frown.

"I want her to come back," Rachel whispered. "What if I see him ….. at the trial... and I can't breathe and I forget my words... and she's not there? What if-"

"Shh," Michael said as he kissed her temple. "She's going to be here any minute."

"But she might not be," Rachel mumbled. "Bad things always happen to us."

Brittany watched as Santana frowned and watched Rachel in silence. She wasn't even looking at the scattergories pad anymore.

"Rachel, that's not true," Michael stated gently wrapping his arms around her protectively.

"Yeah, it is," she whispered, but her eyes glazed slightly and she went on in a partial monotone as she looked at the floor. "My daddy died and that should have been enough hurt but then...then my papa took us and hurt us and-"

"Okay, Rach," Michael said quietly, hushing her gently.

A rough movement of the dining room chair made Rachel jump in his arms.

Santana moved swiftly out of the room, mumbling about going to the bathroom.

"It's right there," Quinn stated, pointing toward the bathroom off of the kitchen. She turned to Joey. "Why does she get to leave? I want to leave too."

"Quinn and she are grounded," Joey stated. "But she can go pee. It's not like jail."

"This feels like jail... at the north pole," she muttered.

"Be grateful that you have _People Magazine_," Joey retorted. "Elves are stuck making toys for spoiled kids."

"What?" Rachel asked from Michael's lap as the older man shot his daughter a glare. She watched after the direction that Santana went. She frowned and looked at Brittany as she cuddled more into her grandfather's arms. "What I said made her sad because she doesn't like talking about Daddy. Mumma tries but she doesn't like it."

Brittany gave her a soft smile and looked behind her at the stairs and then back toward Rachel and Quinn. It almost was like they weren't themselves. Rachel was looking out the window like there was a prize snowflake with an answer.

"Can I go get my monkey?" Rachel whispered.

Brittany shot up. "I'll get it."

"Do you know where George is?" Rachel asked.

Brittany gave her a small smirk and poked the little girl's nose. "Is he in your mumma's bed where you slept with him last night?" Rachel just nodded in a mixture of awe and sleepiness. She had been getting tired more often than not lately. Was that why her mother had told her to take a nap? "Then I will be right back, bug."

As soon as she headed up the stairs and she was sure her face was out of Rachel's view, Brittany let the worry settle on her face. She walked down the hallway. She passed Santana's nana folding laundry.

"She's in the bathroom, dear," Helen called out. "Don't be too long."

"I'm getting George for Rachel too," Brittany stated.

"I'll grab him and bring him down to her," Helen offered. "Don't be too long. I know she only wanted to see you. She rushed right past me."

Brittany gave a nod of gratitude and knocked gently on the bathroom door. "San?"

Santana had her back faced to her. Brittany saw her hands go up and wipe her eyes. Santana turned and flashed a smile at her.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey," she said gently as she wrapped her arms around her. "You okay?"

Santana nodded and looked at the ground while being encased in Brittany's arms. As always, Brittany didn't push her. She never wanted to; Santana wasn't one to respond well to that. Suddenly, Brittany felt Santana's lips on hers. She sunk into the kiss with a bashful smile, but the kiss itself became more intense. A frown graced Brittany's features as she tried her best to keep up with Santana.

"San-" Brittany tried between kisses.

Santana continued to kiss just as aggressively and Brittany's smile started to fade.

"Santana,"Brittany said finally forcing Santana's lips from her.

"Please," Santana said kissing her again and wrapping her arms around the blonde. Her fingers inched under Brittany's clothes. "Please. Please love me back."

Brittany could barely keep up with Santana's lips. She felt her breath hitch as Santana's fingers ran over her stomach.

"Oh god," she whispered. She let her mouth open with a gasp as Santana sucked on her pulse point. However, she was pulled out of her thoughts, when Santana's words echoed in her head. "Please love me," they had said. She found her will power and pushed Santana away as gently as she could.

"What?" Santana asked.

"Stop," Brittany said with a shake of her head.

"You don't want to be with me?" she whispered.

"Of course, I do," she whispered cupping Santana's face. "Not like this. Not when you're pretending not to be sad and you just... you just need to feel something else. I don't want to be your distraction."

Santana looked back at her with wide, tearfilled eyes. "That's... um... that's not it," she managed.

"Girls?"

Santana looked like she snapped out of a gaze. "We'll be right out, Nana."

"Take your time, San," her grandmother stated casually. "Brittany, I couldn't find Rachel's monkey. Did she say where it was?"

"I'll show you," Santana quickly volunteered and started toward the door. Brittany reached out her hand to stop her but Santana only walked past her hand. Brittany's fingers grazed her skin, but for the first time, they felt like ice to Santana.

When Brittany returned downstairs, Santana had Rachel in her lap and the small girl was playing quietly with the monkey. Noah was leaning on the dining room table looing at his scattagorie pad.

"You're drooling," Griffin said with disgust.

"Shut up," Noah mumbled to the table. "My body hurts too much to close my mouth and sit up."

"That's disgusting," Quinn stated as she and Joey switched magazines.

"Shut up," Noah groaned. "I feel like I was hit with a tractor...like the one at Pop-Pop's farm... with the blades."

"Blades?" Rachel asked from Santana's lap.

"The tiller," Michael corrected. "Not blades, Rach."

Bear reached over and felt Noah's forehead. "You feel warm, bud," he said. "You should go to sleep."

"Someone carry me up there," he moaned into the table.

Joey scoffed. "Sorry, the forklift is coming in next week."

"Jo," Bear said.

Joey rolled her eyes and leaned up to kiss her husband. "Yeah, yeah, be nice," she mumbled and received a kiss.

"Ewww," Quinn mumbled.

"You just want to get out of shoveling the driveway tomorrow," Griffin complained. "

"Shut it," Noah moaned again.

"Hello?"

Rachel popped up in Santana's arms. "Mumma?"

"Yup," Shelby called out from the mud room as she began to peel off her jacket.

"MUMMA!" Rachel barrelled into her causing her to lose her balance because only one arm was out of her coat, but somehow, Shelby managed to maneuver her arm out of her jacket and return to standing all with Rachel in one arm as her youngest wrapped her tiny arms around her neck and buried her head in right under her ear.

"Hello," Shelby said using one arm to rub soothing circles on her back while the other balanced the girl underneath her bottom.

She shared a look with her parents and her sister and brother-in-law. When she left Rachel was no where near this clingy. She looked around the room. When she left things didn't seem even close to this tense. The mood in the room was strange and her child clinging to her like velcro.

Shelby sat at the table and looked over at Noah. "You alright?"

"I'm tired," he complained.

Shelby glanced at the clock. It was late in the afternoon. There must be something wrong.

Helen set a cup of tea in front of Shelby as Shelby maneuvered Rachel and sat down at the breakfast table. Rachel continued to cling and didn't respond to Shelby's attempt to help the girl turn in her lap so that she was facing the group. However, it didn't work and she resorted to smoothing down Rachel's hair. Shelby gave her mother a nod of thanks as she continued to survey the room. Santana was sitting awkwardly on the couch with George in her lap; clearly, Rachel had been sitting there. Brittany was sitting in the adjacent chair next to Santana. Shelby hadn't seen two people sit so close but look so far apart. Meanwhile Quinn was pretending to be interested in the magazine she was looking at that had been sitting on the dining room table for weeks. She saw that Quinn's jaw was clenched in a way that it hadn't been since they went to Florida and even before that when she had first moved in

"I'm going to get started on dinner," Helen stated.

"What are we having?" Griffin asked.

"Roasted chicken," she stated. She saw Michael look at her. "I picked up one of the premade at the store. We just have to heat it up. Don't look at me like that Michael Richard Berry. I know what I can and cannot cook."

Noah interrupted with a moan into the table. "Ewwww..."

Shelby frowned. "Last time Nana made that Noah you ate the half of it yourself."

Noah just shook his head. "Go upstairs, bud," she said. "I'll bring you up some water. I want you to rest and I want the rest of you to stay away from him."

"Wait, I don't know if we have enough roast chicken for everyone, Jo," Helen stated. "Aren't you going home soon?"

Joey looked up at her husband. "Well," Joey began.

"The roads are really bad, Jo," Shelby said but then sighed when she felt Rachel hug her more tightly. Shelby looked back her sister. "It would be fine if you stay here again. Brittany, I'll call your parents. I knew that they were driving back today. I want to make sure that the don't get stuck in the storm." Shelby watched Brittany look over at Santana and Santana look intensely at George the monkey. "San, can you come help me with something please?"

Shelby attempted to gently guide Rachel from her shoulder only to feel a slight deadweight. "She looked at her father. "Is she asleep?" she asked quietly.

Michael leaned forward next to his daughter and looked at Rachel and she was indeed asleep. He stood up and took the girl from Shelby. "She's been worried about you all afternoon and … she was rambling about... the trial and things coming up. She's been strung out all afternoon. I was convinced she was going to fall asleep with Santana earlier, but I guess she was just waiting for her mama."

"Don't let her sleep too long," Shelby warned. "I need her to sleep tonight." She stood up and pointed at Santana. "Santana, come and help me for a second."

Santana gave her grandfather Rachel's monkey and followed her mother.

"What?" she asked as she propped her hand on her hip.

"What's going on?" Shelby asked quietly.

"Nothing," Santana said gripping both of her hips.

"Santana," Shelby stated. "What happened?"

"Nothing, Mom," she said. Santana looked up at her mother with hesitation. "I …I'm scared... and I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," Shelby stated pulling Santana into her arms. "did something happen between you and Brittany?" Santana gave a silent nod but she didn't respond. "I don't know if her parents will be able to make it back from Toledo tonight." santana gave a nod.

"We didn't fight...I just..."

"You just what?" Shelby asked.

Shelby watched as Santana attempted to but didn't know how to articulate what she was saying.

Shelby narrowed her eyes and searched her daughter. "Let's just go upstairs, you and me and we'll talk for a bit."

"Mom, I don't ….." Santana argued weakly.

"Please," Shelby stated. Santana conceded with a sigh. "We'll be right back," Shelby called as she led Santana upstairs.

She watched her daughter pace around the room. Santana hated confrontation … she hated anything that had to do with her. Shelby couldn't help be reminded that she had the tools to talk with Santana, but she had been so afraid to lose Santana in the process that she didn't use them.

"San, did someone say something that made you feel... overwhelmed?" Santana's eyes darted and gave Shelby her answer.

"Your pictures are getting dusty," Santana said as she looked at the pictures that lined Shelby's bureau.

"We can dust them," Shelby stated handing her the dust spray and rag from the bathroom cabinet.

Santana dusted quietly.

"Did Brittany come up and try to talk to you?" Shelby asked.

Santana nodded but didn't answer as she continued to dust.

"You were upset," Shelby said simply.

"Yeah," Santana replied as she paused with dusting.

"Brittany loves you so much, Santana," Shelby said gently. "I know I love you." Santana looked at the edge of the dresser and traced her finger along the pattern as she avoided her mother's gaze.

"I can't feel it," Santana whispered. "I …. I just want to feel … something... and... she pushed me away..."

"Not because she didn't love you," Shelby said softly.

"I can't feel her love," the girl whispered. "But... I can feel that."

Shelby took a deep breath. She knew what Santana was saying but not saying. Santana was talking about sex.

"I love you so much, San, and I know it's hard to feel it … Let alone accept it... but I promise you that you deserve every happiness in the world."

Santana's eyes locked with Shelby's. They were wide not with hesitation or confusion, but instead they were filled with mourning confidence; Santana believed so desperately that her mother was wrong.

Shelby went on. "You're so much more than you know, San. And I wish so desperately that I can shut up that voice in your head that says that you're not. You're strong, affectionate, kind and gentle, but you're also fierce and passionate and you love with your whole being. Someone would be so lucky for that love."

Santana leaned into her mother's embrace, not just for the comfort but because the intensity of her mother's words in combination with her loving gaze became too much for the girl to handle. Before she couldn't feel anything, now she could feel it all.

…..

Rachel blinked her eyes open and looked around. She was upstairs in her bed. she looked at the light coming into the room. She climbed out of bed, gripping her stuffed monkey tightly in her hand. She stared at the snow as it fell. She could barely see across the street anymore.

She leaned up on her tip toes and looked out front. Her grandpa was already beginning to plow because it was getting so deep that if he waited for it to stop the snow blower wouldn't be able to handle it.

She was brought out of her trance when she heard someone throwing up. She and George walked into the hallway.

She knocked on the door with a frown.

"Noah? Are you throwing up?"

Noah hurled again.

"Eww," Rachel said to herself. "Do you want me to get Mumma?" He hurled again. "That was chunky," she mumbled to herself.

"Rachel," she heard a warning tone.

She turned and looked over her shoulder at her mother who was carrying a glass of water.

"Hey," Shelby said as she set the water down and knelt in front of her. "Just in time. We're almost finished making dinner." She felt her forehead. "Are you feeling sick? Did you sleep okay?" Rachel nodded. "Which one?" Shelby laughed. She arched her brow. "Rachel, you're a big girl. I now that things are really scary right now but using your words are important."

"I slept okay," Rachel muttered. "I feel kinda feel tired... but not sick..."

Shelby gave a soft smile. "Okay...Go downstairs, Rach. Get ready for dinner please."

Rachel looked toward the bathroom. "Tell Noah that I hope he feels better."

Shelby nodded. "You need to make sure that you stay away from your brother until he gets better."

"That's not true," Rachel stated. "You know that the flu can spread before that. If Sugar gave it to us we already going to get it, it's just a matter of when."

Shelby cupped her child's face. "Thank you, smart girl. Now, please. Listen to me and go downstairs."

Rachel took George and walked slowly down the stairs. Quinn was curled up on the small couch in the living room and her cousins were playing Rummikub. Santana was sitting in silence on the far end of the couch away from Brittany. Their socked feet were barely touching. Santana looked up and gave her a smile.

"Hey, bug," she said as Rachel sat down on the edge of Santana's side of the couch and leaned into her.

"Why's Quinn sleeping?"

"Why were you sleeping?" she retorted. Rachel arched her brow. "Well, she wanted to go out and shovel with Pop-Pop and Nana said no because she's starting to feel warm so she had a tantrum and wore herself out."

"Shut up," Quinn hissed with her eyes still closed.

"Nana told her to lay down," Santana whispered. "She just stopped snoring a few minutes ago."

"San, stop, she wasn't snoring," Brittany added lightly.

Santana gave her girlfriend a look that Rachel couldn't read. "Are you fighting?" Rachel asked bluntly.

"No," Brittany said with a smile. "We're okay," she said softly as her eyes met Santana's.

"But you're not sitting next to each other," Rachel pointed out.

"But you're not sitting next to each other," Brittany mimicked and leaned over and tickled Rachel as she planted a kiss on the top of the girl's head and pulled her into her arms.

"Are you staying the night?" Rachel asked from Brittany's arms.

"Yeah, my parents are stuck in Toledo and they want me to stay here rather than driving home."

Rachel leaned back and looked at Santana who was taking a sip of water.

"Are you going to sleep with my sister?" Rachel asked.

Santana spit out her water.

Rachel's eyes widened. "I don't mean like that!" she practically shouted.

"Rach, no yelling in the house." Bear stated.

"But are you?" Rachel asked honestly.

"Your mom will figure out the sleeping arrangements. Do you think that if Noah had a girlfriend over that the girlfriend would get to sleep in the same room?" Michael asked.

Rachel frowned. "But it's Brittany. She sleeps with my sister all the time."

Santana looked around uncomfortably. "Rachel enough."

"Alright," Shelby stated as she walked into the room. "Everyone needs to stay away from Noah. He definitely has a flu. His fever is 102. I just gave him some medicine. Please. Don't go near him. I want to have people have the least contact with him so that this entire house doesn't get the flu."

She noticed Santana staring at Brittany and then looking at the floor and then away.

"What's going on?"

"Just Rachel asking her typically age appropriate questions," Joey stated.

Shelby rolled her eyes. "Wash your hands please and let's eat."

….

Sleeping arrangements were set. Santana, Quinn and Rachel will either sleep with Shelby or in Quinn's room. Brittany was going to sleep in Santana's room. Noah was going to remain barricaded in his room. Joey, Bear and the boys had finally made their way back to their own house. Finally, Nana and Pop-pop were n Rachels' room. That was everyone, Shelby thought to herself with a sigh. It was already ten o'clock. Rachel was asleep in Shelby's bed with George clenched to her chest. She had been clenching to everyone all day and it was breaking Shelby's heart.

"You ready?" Shelby asked as Quinn came into the room.

"For what?" Quinn asked.

"Bed," Shelby said with a soft smile. "Santana's saying goodnight to Brittany and then she'll be back in. I meant what I said before. I was wrong to make you and Santana sleep with me last night. You can sleep either in your bed or with me. It's your choice. You and Satana really violated my trust. I'm worried about the two of you. I want to trust you and give you space but I need you to see what these decisions are not okay. I'm not expecting you to be perfect."

"It feels like you kinda do," she whispered.

Shelby sighed. "Hey," she said as she enveloped her in a hug. "I'm sorry. I'm doing my very best and I'm not going to give up on you kids, but I'm worried that I can't help you as much as I want to." She pulled back and searched Quinn eyes. "I'm going to have a meeting the day after tomorrow after the three of you meet Elyse and I'm going to talk with her and we're going to see if we can help the three of you more."

Quinn's face fell and she shook her head. "Please don't do that. We don't need their help we just need to figure it out and -"

"You and Santana and Rachel think you need to do everything on your own. You don't. I know that you're so grown up aiso so many ways, but you did that by necessity. It's not your job to figure this out on your own and drown your pain on your own. I'm thankful that none of you kids are running away all the time or getting arrested or doing drugs. It's okay to feel like you're falling apart and it's my job to help you feel better." She cupped Quinn's face. "It's not supposed to be this hard."

Quinn bowed her head. "Having Griffin here..."

"Did he say something to you?" Shelby asked with a deep frown.

She shook her head. "No, he just reminded me who I was. I know he is just being protective of himself... I see that now, but I …. I was just mad and I didn't want to be with him and you all made me stay in the room with him and-"

"I'm sorry, Quinn," Shelby said. "You should have told me that. AS much as love you and as good as I am, I can't read your mind, thought I wish that I could. You have to talk to me."

Quinn gave a small sigh. "I'm scared about tomorrow... and then … later when we testify."

"I know," Shelby said hugging her again. "It's okay to be scared."

"I know," she said with emotion in her voice still avoiding her eyes. "But I'm scared all the time. I'm scared that this isn't real. I'm scared that this is …. this is going to ruin us... I'm...What if... What if they blame this all on me?"

"Oh, Q-bear," she whispered as she hugged her again. "I don't know what they'll do in court but I will love you no matter what. I know that this is a lot to ask of you. I'm trying to make it so that you and Rachel didn't have to testify but-"

"I have to," Quinn said with a new passion. "I have to because if I didn't …. They need to know what I saw. They have to. Rachel is more scared than any of us and she is just... she has so much faith in everyone but she feels like a shell of herself. I'm scared that she won't be her after the trial. Are you scared of that?"

"I'm scared of that for all of you, Quinn. I'm worried about what this will do to all of us," Shelby gave a soft smile. "No matter what happens. I won't give up on you."

"But what if you have no other choice?" Quinn asked. "What if we reach the bottom and we can't get back to the top?"

"Then I'll come down and get you," she said simply.

"But what if can only choose one," Quinn asked."

Shelby gave a tiny sigh. "Quinn, sweetheart. I'll never chose. I'll always go back for you." She hugged her tightly. "Life is hard, Quinn, but millions of people weren't put on this earth to expect to do it alone. Okay? Life is full of surprises and challenges and I cannot wait for you you experience all of its wonders and grow and learn and be. I promise you that we will get to the other side of this."

Quinn was quiet for a few moments but she stayed nestled in Shelby's arms. "I want to stay in here," she whispered. "I sleep better here."

"I sleep better too," she muttered.

….

Santana laid on her back in her mother's bed. She couldn't sleep. The entire house was asleep except her. She remembered having a quiet conversation with Brittany before they went to bed. She mumbled apologies and they left it at that, but the silence of the night amplified the loudness of her head. Was Brittany rejecting her? Did she see how desperate Santana was to fill that void? Did she see Santana as too fragile and weak to handle it?

She frowned and crept quietly out of the bed and made her way down to her bedroom.

Brittany was sleeping there silently. Without hesitation as she silenced the butterflies in her stomach she climbed under the covers and lay next to her. As she rested her head on the pillow she moved closer to to Brittany. She carefully draped her hand across Brittany's midsection but then pulled away. She needed to do this right. She needed to do it perfectly. She slipped back from underneath the covers and peeled off her sweatpants and then took off her long sleeve shirt so that she was only in her sports bra and underwear. She crawled back into bed with Brittany and draped her arm across the girl's chest, hooking it with the top of her shoulder.

Brittany smiled softly and Santana watched her graceful face as the street lights lit up her room just enough to see the delicate features. She bit her top lip with her teeth and leaned up and kissed Brittany so softly that when she closed her eyes she pretended that she was the prince and Brittany was the princess and her kiss would awake her from the deepest darkest sleep. She was going to feel better. She was going to feel whole. When she kissed her she didn't hurt as badly. Doing more must make the hurt stop completely. Right?

Santana leaned and kissed her again.

Brittany's eyes fluttered open and she smiled into the kiss.

Santana shifted so that her leg and bare stomach were draping over her. Brittany pulled Santana closer but Brittany's eyes opened when she felt bare skin.

"San, what are you doing?" she asked with wide eyes as she pulled away from the kiss. "San... what's going on?"

Brittany sat up and Santana leaned in for another kiss and ran her hand beneath Brittany's shirt. "Come on, Britt," she said with a kiss. "Please. I'll make it beautiful."

Brittany pushed her away when SAntana kissed her again. "Stop."

"Please," she begged with suddenly tear filled eyes. "Please. I need to be close to you. I love you. This is about us. This is about us. I think we can do this."

Brittany woke up. "Not like this, San." She reached out to her and Santana tearfully pushed her away. "Santana," she began.

"No," Santana said as she pulled her clothes back on and furiously wiped her tears. "You don't want me. I'm trying."

"Come here, San," Brittany offered.

"No," Santana said her tears were now uncontrollable. "I'm trying here. I'm trying."

"I know," Brittany said gently.

"Don't you want me?" Santana asked tearfully. She didn't know how to tell Brittany that this had never happened to her before. She had never been rejected from sex.

"Santana, I do," Brittany said sitting up and trying to move toward her. "I just... I think you want to need me because you want me to fill this void. I see that you're hurting and you're sad. and -"

"It's not your job to save me," Santana said trying to push her away.

"I'm not trying to!" Brittany said.

"I need you! I need you all the time! I'm trying to do something for you! I'm trying to love you back!" Santana hissed. She was almost sobbing. "Please," she whispered. "Why don't you love me back!"

"I'm just trying to love you the best I know how. I'm trying to be here for you but you keep... you keep trying to find excuses for why you don't deserve that. or you keep pushing us to something when we're not ready... I'm not ready. I just … Why can't we talk? Is that too hard?" She slammed her hands down in a fit of frustration that looked so foreign on the typically calm and gentle face. "STOP trying to sabotage us!"

Santana stared back at her with heartbreak. "I'm not," she whispered.

"Well, it feels like you are," Brittany whispered. She shook her head. "I want to be with you. I want to love you and I want to be that person for you but you keep pretending that either you're okay or we're perfect but you never come to me. Not really, San. I want to kiss you and hold you and make love to you but look at you right now... You're not doing this for us. You're doing it for you."

Santana shook her head and let the tears fall. "That's not true."

"Santana, you can keep doing this," Brittany said as she took a step forward only to have Santana shake her head and back away. Brittany sighed and shook her head. "You're pushing everyone away so you don't hurt as badly if by some crazy chance they'll leave you. I won't leave you. I am here, but I won't be here if you keep pushing me like this." She move forward toward her again. "You have to stop hurting yourself."

"I'm not," Santana hissed. "I'm not a cutter or something. I'm fine. I'm fine!"

"You know what I mean," Brittany whispered.

Santana crossed her arms protectively in front of herself. She shook her head. "Well, I'm sorry that I'm not good enough." She rushed out into the hallway.

"San, that's not what I said," Brittany rushed after her.

"What's going on?" Shelby asked as she came into the hallway. "Girls, it's two o'clock in the morning."

Santana just let her tears fall down her face when she realized her mother was staring at her and her girlfriend was staring at her. "I'll never be good enough." Her mother and Brittany moved toward her. She put her hands up. "So just stop... just … stop trying."

Shelby watched Santana disappear into Quinn's room. She wants to be alone, she told herself. She wants me to leave her alone. Shelby shook her head. She didn't care.

"Come on, let's talk really quickly," Shelby said gently as she led them back to the Santana's room. "What happened?" she asked Brittany carefully.

"I... um... I woke up and …. she was laying next to me..." She looked at Shelby and then looked away. "She was … um...She was in her bra and underwear."

Shelby let out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry, Brittany, Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said with a shake of her head. "Santana does that all the time..." Her words drifted off. "I mean … she um... sometimes she needs something physical …. when she's feeling overwhelmed."

Shelby mulled over her words carefully. "Has she ever pushed herself on you when you don't want it?"

Brittany looked at her shocked. "She is still Santana. She would never hurt me. She might be passive aggressive but she's not aggressive!"

Shelby put her hands up. "I'm not saying that she is, I'm just asking a question." She wasn't going to tell this girl that sometimes children who were abused become abusers not always because they want to hurt someone back but because they need to regain that control. It was something that the psychologists had told her in New York wouldn't happen with Santana's behaviors, but it might continue to be a possibility.

"She's just so sad and I just... I want to make it better for her. She thinks that everyone is going to give up on her but I won't... but I also won't do that … I'm not ready for that."

"That's fine, Brittany. It's okay not to be ready," Shelby said. She looked at Brittany. "You can stay in here for a few minutes but I'm going to go and lay with her and just be there with her. You can come in if you want to."

"I don't know if she'll want to see me."

"I guarantee you she does. She doesn't know how to ask," Shelby said gently.

She walked through the bathroom into Quinn's room and climbed up onto the bed.

"I don't want to talk," Santana said with a fierce tone dripping with anxiety.

"You don't have to," Shelby whispered.

Santana bit her lip as she felt the tears sting her eyes. "I messed it up," she whispered. "Will you stay here and hold me?"

"Always, San," Shelby whispered as she spooned her from behind. "I love you too much to let go."

"Mumma, I am so tired and angry all the time and I can't do this anymore. Stop believing in me," she cried quietly.

"I never will, Sanny. I never will."

"You still should," she whispered.

Santana leaned back against her mother and let go. She did so not because she wanted to, but only because she couldn't hold on to all of the toughness and the bravery anymore.

…..

The next morning came all too fast. Santana remained silent most of the morning. Brittany went home the next morning. She was looking green. Shelby told them that she wasn't feeling well and while she did look under the weather, Shelby couldn't help but think it was something more than that.

Elyse smiled at the girls as she "You ready?"

Quinn was brought back into the present. Elyse was over at the house to do damage control aka therapy sessions but they were conveniently right after their meeting with Alicia.

"I don't know," Rachel asked as she leaned into Quinn. "Do we have to meet with the lady alone?"

"With Alicia?" Shelby asked. "Yes," she said gently.

"I don't want to," Rachel said.

"We know you don't but you need to, Rach," Quinn said.

"Alright, Rachel, are you ready?" Alicia looked up from her papers. "We're going to practice and talk. I want to make sure you know exactly what to expect."

Quinn scoffed. "Yeah, like you can prepare us for that."

"Mom," Santana called from the kitchen.

Shelby looked up at her eldest daughter and gave her a heavy sigh. Not only was she emotionally exhausted but she now appeared someone pale.

"You look terrible," Quinn said as she took in Santana's appearance.

Shelby went over and felt her forehead. "Oh, Sanny," she sighed. "Let's get you in bed."

"Wait," Rachel called and ran after Santana and warapped her arms around her waist. "Feel better."

"Bug, I know you want to hug Santana but we need to keep those of you who aren't sick healthy. Okay?" Shelby was worried. Quinn and Rachel hasn't had a flu since they were sick in the hospital. She wasn't sure how their bodies would handle it.

"Mom, she's just doing this to get out of therapy," Quinn teased lightly. "Jealous."

"You should be," Santana winked back weakly. "You're just pissed because you didn't think of it earlier."

"Okay, enough," Shelby stated. "Rachel, go in and speak with Alicia please."

Rachel took a deep breath and walked into the study with a heavy heart. She stared at the books on the wall. She should read more books. Why were the shelves so high? Her mind continued to wonder.

"Rachel."

"What?"

"Did you hear what I said?"

Rachel shook her head. "No, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It's just that I was saying it's important to be focused. You can always ask them to repeat the question. You just need to answer their question. Okay?"

Rachel nodded.

"Okay, Rachel," Alicia said. "Why don't you tell me from the beginning what happened the day of the accident?"

Rachel's eyes went wide and her breath became shallow. "That... that's one of the questions?"

"Do you want to see the questions that they're planning to ask you? They're supposed to let you know for the most part before hand."

Alicia offered the pad of paper to her. Rachel looked at the careful writing.

"These are confusing," she said after a moment of looking at the questions.

"They might try to confuse you, Rachel," Alicia said honestly. "Because of what happened to you when you were little and because of we're charging Mr. Schuester for, they're trying to make it seem like you're confused. That's why is it very important that you answer the questions only."

Rachel gave a nod and looked at her hands. "um... Can I bring my monkey up on the stand?"

Alicia sighed. "No, honey, you can't." She knelt down in front of the sitting girl. "I know that this is not something that you want to do. We want to keep you safe, okay? He hurt you and we want to make sure he never does again."

Rachel gulped. "Will he be in there?"

"Yes, he will, Rachel," she said honestly.

"He'll see me?"

"Yes," Alicia answered. Rachel checst began to rise and fall.

"Rachel, he's not going to hurt you in there. He and his lawyer to do the trail in front of a jury. A judge will be there and lots of security guards. He cannot hurt you. All you have to do is tell the truth."

"I don't remember it all," she sobbed.

"That's okay," Alicia said. "You just have to answer the questions, okay? You can always wave me over."

Rachel nodded and looked at her hands. "I don't want to do this," she whispered.

"Rachel," Alicia sighed and knelt again in front of her. "We have him right now for some charges and without your testimony they might minimize what happened. I want to make sure he doesn't hurt you anymore. I know you're scared. I'm scared for you but it's one day in your whole life and then … it'll be over."

Rachel looked up at her with tear filled eyes. "My entire life has been changed by short moments... I know that it only takes a moment to ruin your life. I know that."

Alicia sighed. "Rachel, this isn't just about you. I want to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else."

"Has he?"

The lawyer looked at the little girl, suddenly feeling vulnerable under her eyes. "Yes."

Rachel had a new look in her eyes as her tears fell down her cheeks. "I'll do it," she said with her shoulders back.

"You're one of the bravest girls I know, Rachel," Alicia said softly.

Rachel shrugged. "No, I'm not... What if I change my mind?"

"Then I won't call you to the stand, but the other side has subpoenaed you meaning that you need to go and answer their questions."

"I want to answer your questions," she whispered.

"Okay," Alicia smiled. "Thank you."

….

Quinn frowned and glared at Alicia. "You better make sure that she's okay." The blonde glared at her. "I saw her when she left here. I better make sure that he doesn't rip her apart on the stand."

"I'll try my best, Quinn," she saie honestly. "But … I think your questions might be really hard too."

"Whatever... ask me..."

"Firstly, it's important that you don't talk about the trial with your sister."

"Pretty sure she panics hearing the Law and Order theme when our grandmother watches it so... yeah I won't be talking to her about it," Quinn bit back.

Alicia leaned against the desk. "Quinn, it's very important that you answer only the questions that they ask you."

"That's a dumb thing to say," Quinn snapped. "Of course I'll answer their questions."

"Quinn, they're going to try to throw you off and discount you as a witness," Alicia said trying to get Quinn to see the magnitude of this.

Her armor was beginning to fade. "How?" she asked with her arms folded tightly across her chest.

"They talked some to Finn Hudson and your past with your father... is..."

"Is what?"

"Is available. It might be used against you," she said.

"I don't understand," she said with a frown.

"Quinn, sometimes trauma and experiences like yours can …. cause people to hurt others," Alicia said.

Quinn jumped up in rage. "I would NEVER hurt her! EVER!"

"I'm not saying you did, Quinn," she sighed. "I'm just saying that it very well might be brought up. And the way to stay focused is answer their questions as simply and honestly as possible."

"I'm not a perfect person," she said tearfully.

"I didn't say that you were," she sighed. "I'm just saying that they might make you out to be something that you're not."

Quinn stared at the floor. "It wouldn't be the first time."

Alicia looked at her carefully. "Quinn, the defense may try and say you are lying and attempt to prove it. You have to be prepared for that. Only you know what has been a lie and what is the truth. Okay?"

Quinn continued to stare at the ground. "Okay..."

….

Shelby pulled the thermometer out of Santana's ear. "Yup, San, you have it," she said with a sigh.

Santana shook her head and pulled the the strings of her hoodie as she also pulled her knees up to her chest.

"I don't want to be sick," she sighed.

"Tough luck, San, you are," Shelby said kissing her on the forehead.

"Rach and Quinn need me," she said as she pushed her legs over the bed.

"No, no, you stay in bed, missy. I'm sure once you lay down you'll be out like a light. Maybe I'll move you and your brother together so you can keep each other company," Shelby said. She nodded at the thought. "I'll bring him down here with you so maybe Nana can shampoo the carpets in his room. She's managed to find time to do it with the rest of the house..."

"Mom, you're talking about cleaning outloud," she hissed.

"How are you doing with what happened last night?" Shelby asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," she whispered. "I can't. I'm sick I have to rest."

Shelby sighed at sat on the edge of the bed. "Nice try." She soaked in Santana's body language. "You know that what happened wasn't okay. It wasn't a good solution."

"I know that now, thanks," she bit back.

"Santana," Shelby began again.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said with a heavy frown.

"At least think about it please. You're actions may not have been their best, but she still loves you and cares about you. Were you trying to prove something to yourself?"

"I don't want to talk about it!" she scolded.

"Santana," Shelby pushed again. "I love you so so much and I wish you could see how much I love you." She frowned disappeared down the hallway.

Santana let out a slight sigh of relief. She didn't want to talk about it. Not at all. Barely five minutes later her mother returned with an iPod.

"What's that for? That's not mine. That's yours," Santana said.

"I know," Shelby said. "I made something for you."

Santana frowned. "What? A playlist?"

"I couldn't sleep these past few nights and I've been watching you your entire life and…" She gave a vulnerable shrug. "And I love you more than words and I have... I see that you struggle sometimes and I want to fix it all. Support you and love you but I know that you have to figure some stuff out on your own and we can't fix everything overnight. So …. I … I made you a playlist."

"I don't... I don't think i've ever seen you stutter," she said with an embarrassed smile. "Did you put any jazz on it?"

"You'll have to see. It's just. It's just all those things I wish I could say to you, but I can't always... or things that I think might help you find your voice. I hear the song and I think of you." She smiled. "I have great taste in music. Thank you very much!"

"Because we showed you some of our music," she grinned. Santana rolled her eyes but continued to lean into her mother's arms.

Shelby kissed the top of her head as she cupped her cheek. "Every song means something a little different. Whether to me or it reminds me of you... or yeah... It's under your name. Rest, okay?"

Santana just nodded as she looked down at the iPod. "Thanks, Mom," she called after her.

"You're welcome, Taz."

Santana watched her go before she looked down at the playlist. She scrolled through it as she unraveled the ear buds.

"Soldier" by Ingrid Michaelson

"Better" by Regina Spektor

"Life is Beautiful" by Vega4

"Make You Feel My Love" by Adele

"Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise" by the Avett Brothers

"Everything'll Be Alright (Will's Lullaby)" by Joshua Radin

"Solsbury Hill" by John Hiatt

"Ups and Downs" by Kendall Payne

"Come Downstairs and Say Hello" by Guster

"I Feel It All" by Feist

"Little Pieces" by Gomez

"All We Are" by Matt Nathanson

"Falling Awake" by Gary Jules

"Winter Song" by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson

"Young Blood" by Birdy

"No One" by Alicia Keys

"Before You" by Chantal Kreviazuk

"The Battle" by Missy Higgins

"Light Outside" by Wakey! Wakey!

As Santana listened to the first music, for the first time in her entire life, she realized her mother did see her, with more clarity and love than anyone else. The songs captured not just Shelbys feelings for Santana, but they also gave voice to so many of the feelings that Santana had in her heart that she couldn't articulate. Santana knew without a doubt which song and which lyrics were her mother's and, so loudly, more so than ever before, Santana heard which were her mother's to her, and which were her mother attempted to give her untamed emotions a voice.

…...

Shelby descended down the stairwell as the girls made their way into the kitchen. They were silent. She was scared of what had been said with Alicia and even more worried about what was said later in the meeting that each of them had with Elyse.

"How did it go?" she asked as Elyse paused rom packing her bag.

Elyse gave a sigh. "Are you available tomorrow?"

Shelby frowned. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I just... I think that I want to talk to a supervisor about this. Something …."

Shelby frowned. "If the meeting is tomorrow, you've already had time to show him or her the file," she inferred.

"I need help," Elyse stated. "I want to include you in the conversation."

"Well, thanks," Shelby hissed.

"Just... can you?"

"What time?" Shelby asked.

"We can do the morning. We'll both be in the office."

"Okay, I'll come over at ten," Shelby said still in defensive mode. "How were their sessions?"

"Quinn was very passive and worried about the trial but she was very... vague... And Rachel kept asking about the other girls-"

"Who told her about the other girls?" Shelby asked with a flare, but attempted to remain quiet because of the kids in the house.

"I think that Alicia said something," Elyse began.

"Are you kidding me?" Shelby snapped.

"Mumma?" Rachel called from the kitchen.

Shelby looked to her left and Rachel was standing with her monkey at her side. She forced a smile. "Why don't you go hop in the shower, Rachel? By the time you're finished, we should be ready for dinner. And straight up and come straight down, Rach. Don't stop and see your brother and sister. I really want to keep you and Quinn healthy."

"Okay," Rachel said quietly.

As soon as the door was shut and the water was running, Shelby continued the conversation.

"What did she say?"

"She was mainly concerned about their experiences and if they were the same or similar to her own."

Shelby pinched her brow. "I …. just... I okay... is she still here?"

"She was paged out right after Quinn's session with her," Elyse explained. "But she is concerned about the girls on the stand. "We wouldn't be calling them to the stand if they weren't being called by the defense."

Shelby shook her head. She didn't care why … all she cared about was that it was happenng and she couldn't stop it.

…_._

The next morning, ready and prepared to be the "head bitch in charged" as her children called it, Shelby walked into the Elyse's office and spotted Angela right away.

"Hi," she said with a surprised smile. She saw Elyse coming out of the room from the corner of her eye. She gave a slight scoff and shake of her head. "You're coming to the meeting ….. about my children."

"I'm here to just offer some feedback," she offered. "It's nice to see you."

Shelby shook her head and put her hands up. "I know how my children look on paper."

"Elyse asked for feedback and so did you and that is why I'm here." She sighed. "Let's just talk. I know you, okay? Don't get defensive yet."

Shelby nodded. She had worked a lot with Angela over the years. She had worked with her on countless cases professionally. Angela was incredibly smart and her decades of experience made her an expert in the field. However, these weren't just the average kids. These were her children.

They settled in Elyse's office. Shelby has almost forgotten what it looked like.

Angela met her eyes and with the genuine care that she was none for she said, "I want to say Shelby that I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to Rachel."

"Me too," she whispered as she felt a strange surge of emotion bind in her throat.

"And I am sad that I haven't had a chance to meet Quinn. I hope to meet her soon." She looked briefly over at Elyse and then back to Shelby. "We suspect that he tried something with Quinn too, right?"

Shelby nodded wiping away her tears. "Yeah... but she's not really talking."

"How are Santana and Noah?" Angela asked.

"Noah's okay but he feels useless and that kills me... Santana's … um... she's having a hard time... She um... she was outed pretty publically and terribly at school."

Angela nodded. "Elyse told me a little about that."

There was an odd tone in the room. It was like everyone was holding their breath.

"The trial is coming up. It's... actually started... The girls testimonies aren't until later this week," Shelby stated as if she were building up to something.

"Yes, they are. Are you prepared?"

"I don't know how much they'll regress," Shelby said honestly. "They already have begun."

"I looked over Elyse's notes carefully and I've really thought about this, Shelby," Angela began. "I have some suggestions and some recommendations for you and the kids."

Shelby visibly sighed and gave a nod. "Okay."

"You know just as well as I do that there are fantastic programs out there that could really be utilized here. It seems like the kids haven't dealt with the trauma that happened in New York."

"When it all happened, we did trauma therapy. We had the parent mentor. I learned how to be a better parent for them. Be more patient have different coping mechanisms for them."

"You're a fantastic parent, Shelby," Angela said. "I'm not saying that either. I'm saying it because it's true. You know the parents we work with. They don't have boundaries established. They don't have limits on themselves. Typically, you're not a parent that we work with because you have it so together. Your children have been through so much and then the combination of this most recent trauma has opened all that old trauma up. Maybe it was set off when Quinn first moved in and I'm not blaming Quinn for that. At most I want to thank Quinn for that. This gives us an opportunity to address these things while they're still young. Imagine if they were in their mid twenties or thirties trying to rummage through all this. Sometimes we all just need some help."

Shelby chewed her lip. "I need them to know that I love them and I'm not giving up on them. I don't want to push them into this."

"But you know as well as I do that love isn't enough sometimes. We need help from people where this is their job and Santana, Quinn and Rachel aren't close to them." Angela sighed. "I agree that I don't think the girls would do well in residential. I think that a therapeutic mentor would be great for them. We can think about a good day program. From what I've gathered, Santana needs to really sort through a lot. I'm not discounting the work that you've done or her other therapists in the past, but it seems that Santana is a very explosive girl. While her lamp breaking seems to have tampered off over the years, it's still a strategy she falls back on."

Shelby bit her lip. "She's always been just a girl who feels so tremendously. I think she feels like she needs to punish herself for what happened to Rachel... I assume you read the portion recently where her multiple sexual partners were revealed. I worry about them all the time, but especially Santana... She... um..." Shelby trailed off, unable to find her words.

"She has a lot of self-destructive behavior," Elyse suggested.

"So much so," Angela continued. "That I gather, just from her papers that this is her being restrained. I'm worried about when and if she loses it completely."

Shelby looked at her hands. "When we were in New York, after they were found, Santana had to be medically sedated multiple times. It was one of the reasons when CPS in New York treaded so carefully with our case. Rachel was at the shelter because I didn't have the medical capabilities to support her. They had 24 hour nursing. She needed that care. It just... it so happened that that same facility worked with children who had been through trauma like Noah and Santana and... .after a lot of discussion, having them stay in that program was what was best." Shelby shook her head. "All they remember though, is that they weren't with me. We were trying to make them feel safe and ready. Santana originally said she didn't feel safe... and now... in hindsight I feel like consenting to services from CPS I made things worse."

"Opening up for services with them gave you the option to have greater access. It's hard for the kids to understand that it's a choice. That services are a choice to families. Granted there are many social workers that use that 'choice' as an ultimatum but ultimately it's a choice." Elyse sighed. "I don't think now is an opportunity to clarify all the details of what happened in New York, but it's something that I think we should discuss with them."

"Quinn is new to you," Angela began.

"And I love her just as much as the other three,"Shelby interrupted.

"I don't doubt that," Angela began. "She just also appears to have some issues that I think would benefit from more services."

"She's trying to establish herself. She's trying to just figure out her place in the world. I'm just getting her to a comfortable place in the home. She's finally sleeping in her bed. Now that it's off the ground. She sleeps through the night for the most part-"

"And Rachel and Santana do they sleep in their own beds?"

Shelby bit her lip. "Like I said, they've kind of regressed and neither of them can sleep with the trial coming up if they sleep alone, especially Rachel."

Angela nodded and looked at Elyse before she looked back at Shelby. "You know that they need to sleep on their own."

"This was a battle that was had for awhile," Elyse pointed out. "Santana and Rachel tend to cling when they need each other and when they don't they don't. It's very subtle."

"The three of them, Quinn, Santana, and Rachel, are really leaning on each other right now. The three of them sleep together and they all seem to sleep better," Shelby stated.

Angela took a deep breath. "I don't doubt that they do. The three of them all have long histories of not feeling safe in bed. Something, though we should work on is helping them function apart for each other. Spending an hour or so apart would be good."

Shelby nodded. "I was out of the house for a few hours for my personal therapy appointment yesterday and Rachel freaked out a little. She clung to me and everyone else. She waited by the window until I got home."

"And she'll do that and that's okay. And every time you come home, she'll be reminded that you won't leave her. They all will," Angela encouraged. "I think... and I've been trying to figure out how to have this discussion with for a long time."

"Okay," Shelby stated, bracing herself.

"I've noticed this is something that you do a lot, but not as severely as parents that we all have dealt with again, you have to remember that," Angela said.

"Stop trying to build me up, Ang," Shelby said with a sigh. "Just say it."

"You tend to tip toe around their trauma. You don't push them about it or even really try to get them to talk about it. You allow it to be an excuse," Angela said carefully.

Shelby took a deep breath. I know my children and I put boundaries in place and I may have made a mistake in not pushing them but I... " she looked at her hands. "I try to talk about their father and San shuts down and Rachel follows suit. Noah is fine talking about him. And he talks about him with Santana some but Santana generally doesn't respond. Rachel doesn't know what to say. She's said to you Elyse, I know that she doesn't know how to feel about her father. She didn't know him but he was the reason that Hiram came into her life but she's also a man that her sister idolized." Shelby sighed. "With Quinn too, we're trying to sort out her relationships with her biological parents...I just don't want to push them because I know that they'll shut down."

Angela nodded. "Quinn's situation is incredibly troubling and sad. Her history with her father has so many layers of unquestionably awful experiences. We certainly need to focus though on allowing her to come to terms with it herself. I know Elyse is concerned that Quinn believed that she killed her child... that she caused the miscarriage." Shelby gave a nod. "And also she's been understandably very spontaneous and pushing the boundaries. With the tattoo and all."

Shelby sighed. "Yes... I... Yes, she had." She was out of words. "I love her very much and right now I'm just focusing on helping to convince her that it's genuine."

"And that's true. We're all in the field. We know that they could potentially. We want to be patient and let them be ready to talk about it, but we also need to put them in arenas that allow them to do so. you know? I think the girls would benefit from some group supports. The day program has some great groups for the girls." She paused. "There are also supports available if they don't want to be a part of the group or if they become disruptive or it becomes too much. The girls both demonstrate some very concerning behaviors. I know you're concerned too."

Shelby thought about it for a moment with her eyes closed. "I agree that we can't have them stay silent anymore - its no longer an option …. They need to process it one way or another. I would rather continue their schooling with Holly, but we can look into these groups for an extra curricular. They have to be in an environment that can handle it and process it with them. They have the support at home but they need to know how to handle it themselves for the future and a group program will help them..." She looked at her hands. "It's hard but I think this is the best solution." She paused. "I'm unsure though, if Rachel can handle a group session. Quinn and Santana will be mostly in the same program, but Rachel will be alone."

Elyse casted a glance over at Angela. "I know you're concerned for Rachel separating from the others, but I think that's what she needs. She needs to feel needed, Shelby. Yes, she's regressing and she has been clinging. She'll still have you but she needs to stand on her own again. Before Will happened, she was still struggling. She was having a hard time at school. She was so eager to show that she was independent when she wasn't. We need to help her get there."

"I'm not saying that I don't want her there," Shelby interrupted. "I want all of them there." She ran her hand through her hair. "They are all so scared right now and I'm worried about pulling the rug from underneath them."

"That's a valid concern," Angela agreed. "But Rachel needs to not have her catch her every time she falls."

Shelby pinched the bridge of her nose. "Last time I did that, Will Schuester molested her and excuse me for being overprotective." She shook her head as all of her feelings surfaced. "I'm sorry."

"No," Angela said kindly. "It's okay to be pissed, Shelby. As always you're coping with this with such grace and strength and -"

She squeezed her eyes shut. "Please stop," Shelby hissed. "I'm not. I'm worried all the time. I'm scared all the time." Her words were staccato as she held her hand over her heart. "I'm so afraid for them …. that one wrong move one word will make their gray day a pitch black day. I know that I need help with them. I do. I'm not saying that you're wrong but … I'm scared of the world and if it'll continue to spit them up and chew them out." She looked Angela in her eyes. "You and I both know what can happen in those programs. And I can't have that happen to my kids."

Angela put her hands up. "I understand, SHelby."

"Shut up, Angela. You don't. You really don't."

Elyse looked at her with pause and weighed her words before she said them carefully. "Shelby, we are on your side. We don't want worse things to happen these kids. Okay? We may not love them exactly like you do or see what they've been through but we are on your side."

Shelby shook her head. The armour that she had come in with was now gone. "They testify tomorrow."

"We know."

"I'll talk to them afterward about this."

"So we'll call and see if they have openings for you and try to make referrals."

Shelby nodded. "If they don't have openings for all then I won't do it. They need to start in it together."

There were a few more questions. A few signatures, but at the end of it, she felt numb not because the decision she was making could potentially make things worse. But there was also a part of her that felt like the choice that she was making was just the icing on the cake. The rest of it was going to come tumbling down.

**I know that we didn't get to the girls' testimonies and I keep waving in front of your face like someone holding bait in front of someone and then pulling it away. I swear that its not my intention. As I developed the characters, for this chapter, I realized that some parts needed to be bridged. I now working full time day hours and not full time with night hours where I got off of work at 12 am or 1am and had to do an overnight every week. Now I'm doing 9-5 and the choirs are singing. I'm able to write more regularly and talk with my betas regularly. I don't want to make promises what I cannot keep but the plan is to write more regularly and to not have such long waits between chapters. Also, knock on wood, i hope, I pray, it's perfectly planned in my outline, the girls' testimonies are next. I have so much planned for this story: Open Wounds and then later for the sequel. Thank you for sticking with the story! ****Please let me know what you think. Thank you! **


	62. Chapter 62

OTHangels – No problem about reviewing – thank you for this review. I love any and all reviews. I am glad you are enjoying it and hope you like this chapter.

Comegetit - - You are officially on the Russell Fabray hate list – it is getting longer and longer by the day. Thank you for liking the story and reading. I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for the review.

Cookie07 – Santana is very hurt, confused and feels lost and helpless. This is really difficult for her. This is very alarming and she is truly starting to crumble. Shelby will get Santana help before she would ever physically hurt Brittany or anyone else. And frankly Santana will never get that far but she is struggling and will continue for a little longer. But the family is there to help she just has to realize and start to accept it.

MTLover – Thank you so much. I am humbled by your words. I am glad you are enjoying the story. Thank you for reviewing now and while I LOVE reviews I understand people are busy. Thank you again for your review.

HannahWilliam33 – I am sorry you cried. I am so glad you found the story and that you like the story. Thank you so much for your kind words.

thelastcenturian – Sorry to leave you hanging it is never my intention. My beta and I try so hard to get the chapters out as quick as possible but this was really intense so it takes time. Thanks for reviewing.

Brittanyismyunicorn – Santana feels like she has to be so strong all the time and she is actually crumbling. Unfortunately she will learn the hard way. But she will always be loved and supported. Thank you for your review.

1moredreamer – you registered! Yay! Rachel has regressed but she is still an 11 year old and with Sugar around it helps a lot. As much as the girls should have been punished regarding the drinking they have such huge days ahead of them that Shelby has to find a balance and has to give them an outlet that is not dangerous to relax and decompress. You will see how Shelby helps the girls in the very near future – stay tuned. Things are finally starting to settle for me but some days there are not enough hours. Thank you for your endless support.

lemon-rind – They will finally get down to the core of the issues and start to build from their foundations very soon I promise. Thanks for reviewing.

NayaFan - Loved your review. Thank you for understanding the drinking and while they are not supposed to do it - they have their reasons and while it is not an answer at least they understand why they did. Santana is sad and it is so complex because even though it is not happening it to her directly she feels so much for her sisters and so little for herself that its almost worst. And who doesnt love Bear! According to my beta - this is every parents nightmare. Shelby is what Quinn needs right now but Quinn has never had a mom so it is hard for her. Santana and Rachel and Noah have had years of a nurturing mother - Quinn not so much. The testimonies are very hard to write so I hope you can enjoy them. Thank you for reviewing. I appreciate it a lot.

JWilson18 – You know the girls too well! They will not go without a fight but at this point they are running out of options. The testimonies are going to be tough real tough. Thanks for the review.

Mox – Thank you for your love! I am so happy you are enjoying it. Thank you so much. I hope you like this chapter! Thank you for the review.

IMHO – Those hours were killer for me! Am I am so glad they are over. The family is a blessing and a curse but they are going to need all the support that she can get. This chapter is an intense chapter as well. Santana is struggling and she needs so much. They are struggling with testimonies and feelings that they have no idea how to deal with. The girls need therapy and they need it fast. I am so glad you are enjoying this story. Thank you so much for your review.

NinjaGleek21- I am honored that you have chosen my story to review. These chapters are intense and part of the reason it takes so much time to get them out. I appreciate you being so patient and I am sorry they make you sad. Thank you for the review.

krazyy989 – Testimonies are in this chapter and you will see them testify but they will not be in the courtroom otherwise. They cant handle it. I can't put a number of chapters left to go but there will be a sequel. Thanks for the review.

Lolathe17th – and yes this is yet again another intense chapter. Thank you I am glad you enjoyed the playlist. They will not be pleased about therapy of any kind but they NEED it. Thanks so much for the review.

Sarah11650 – It is not ending anytime soon and you will see only a glimpse of Shelby taking care of them because she is focused on this trial and the girls testifying. Thanks for reviewing.

zuperkt – Thanks for the warning! It was intense to write as is this one. Thank you so much for reviewing. I did not mean to make you sob. But get your tissues because this one is very intense too.

Bookworm0485 – Shelby wont get the flu. She has a lot on her plate. She is a very strong woman. She will get comfort soon but there is a lot more happening before she gets anytime to relax. Thanks for your review.

**Hello, everyone! thank you so much for your patience! This is the chapter we've all been waiting for. Take a breath and read when you can. It is emotional and touches on abuse that has happened so far. Please read this chapter with caution. **

**I'm also not a lawyer... please be gentle with my law knowledge. **

Shelby pulled onto her street. The sun was finally out and the snow seemed to sparkle on the streets. The snow blanketed the trees that lined the street with such a gentle, a calming grace that only the winter brought. It had yet to turn that impending shade of brown and gray and turn to piles of sand on the side of the road that made you forget about the beauty that was once there.

She gave a tiny frown as she neared the house. She was so grateful and thankful that her father and brother in law and cleared the driveway. The storm had brought about eighteen inches to Lima. She made a mental note to thank them again even though her words wouldn't be enough for their hard labor because she knew her would have been so angry at every flake of that snow if she had to shovel it herself.

Her head had been spinning since she left the office. It kept teetering from extreme to extreme in her head. She didn't know what she was doing and she was so scared that she was going to ruin everything that she took so hard to rebuild and -

SPLAT

Shelby slammed on the brakes. Just yards from the driveway a softball sized snowball had slammed into the passenger side of her car.

She parked the car on the street and climbed out of the car with a frown deeply etched in her brow, but it changed to one of confusion when she saw children in her front yard... and none of them were hers.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Shelby!" a little boy who's name Shelby didn't know said. All she knew was that he was from the green house with the blue shutters five houses down.

"Uh... What's going on?" she asked as she surveyed her front yard.

There were almost a half dozen children in her yard and none of them were hers. They were all around Rachel's age and were madly building what looked like a snow fort village with a man dressed in a suit with a pair of snow pants digging next to them. She looked at the driveway and saw a black Cadillac. Sugar was at her home and from what she could see Sugar was calling out all of the orders... to everyone.

She felt her heart skip a beat as she scanned for Rachel. Rachel should be out here if Sugar was here. She spotted the tunnels. She looked in one and one of the twins across the street was in it. She looked in another tunnel and heard herself wonder, why there were so many snow tunnels in her yard. It was empty. She spotted another one and looked in and Rachel was sitting quietly bundled in her snow gear playing tic tac toe in the snow.

Rachel looked up and smiled and released a little sigh, almost in relief. She moved to her knees and hugged her mother tightly.

"What are you doing in here by yourself?" Shelby asked gently as she rubbed her back.

"I'm having fun," she said with a slight grimace.

Shelby sighed.

"Alright, guys, I got more little shovels," Bear called.

Shelby released her daughter and stood up to see that her brother in law was holding most of Shelby's gardening tools.

"Hey," he smiled sheepishly. He leaned over and looked at Rachel. "Rach, you ready to come out?" She shook her head and he stood up. He gave Shelby a small sigh. "We thought it would be good for her to get fresh air and you said it was okay for her to have a friend over."

"I was thinking maybe a movie with Sugar," Shelby said quietly before she bent down and looked at Rachel. "Bug, why don't you go and say goodbye to your friends and then go inside to warm up."

"I don't really talk to the neighbors... I don't know why they're here," she said quietly. "It was just Sugar and me...and then everyone else showed up and I didn't want to be there."

Shelby nodded. "Okay, Rach. Thanks for still staying outside, but it's time to get you inside." Rachel's cheeks were rosy red and she had taken off her hat because it was tucked in the back of the tunnel. "First grab your hat please." Rachel did and kept it in her fist before Shelby pulled it on her head and her own gloved hands could feel the coldness of Rachel's cheeks. "Why did you take your hat off?"

Rachel just shrugged. "It was pulling my hair funny. I have a ponytail and it's a hat..."

Shelby sighed. Duh, she thought to herself. "Say goodbye quickly and go in."

Rachel walked over to her friends. Bear looked at Shelby apologetically. "I'm sorry. I'm sure she's cold, she hasn't been moving around like the other kids. I had her dress as she would as if she was running around. I didn't want her to overheat in her suit. All these other kids came over and I was distracted."

Shelby shook her head. "It's fine. She wouldn't tell anyone that she was cold anyway."

She paused as she saw Sugar follow Rachel toward the house. She opened her mouth to protest. She wasn't planning on her daughter's only peer to stay. Shelby's head was too full of chaos. She paused to remind herself that she shot herself in the foot when she put up the option for Rachel to have a friend over. When she finally got inside after saying goodbye to the other children in a way that was really saying, 'go home,' Sugar was ranting about how how they needed more time outside and how the other children couldn't design as well as her. Shelby sighed and listened to the child bicker with herself .

"Hush, flour!" Santana said with a moan from the couch. "I have a headache and i feel like I battled earth wind and fire just to get downstairs. I can't deal with the sound of your voice. It feels like everything good in the world is dying."

"Don't be so cranky, Medusa," Sugar snapped.

"Careful or I'll turn you to stone, you little urchin," Santana sat up on the couch and barked but then moaned again and forced herself to lay back down. "Get out of my house," she said as she draped her arms over her eyes. "Bug, come here."

"Santana, try to set an example," Helen called.

"Why? She's devil spawn," Santana hissed as she tried to shift on the couch to let Rachel lay with her, but Shelby held Rahel to her side. "Pure evil doesn't need an example. Ma, let Rachel lay with me. Come here, bug."

"Santana, enough," Shelby said as she turned to Sugar. "You're sick, Santana. I'm not sure how you made it downstairs when you should be in bed, but rest and don't argue." She turned to the child that was not her own. "Sugar, it's late and I believe that you are grounded. Neither your father or your aunt told me that you were coming today."

"Mr. Lion-"

"Bear," Rachel said with a frown as she leaned into her mother's side.

Sugar frowned. "Why do they call you an animal. Do you not like being called by your real name? What is it?" she asked all at once.

"It's Lawrence," he laughed as he took a sip of his coffee.

Sugar snorted. "Bear is definitely better. Anyway he called me and I told Frank that if he didn't bring me that I would fire him."

Everyone's gaze looked toward the chauffeur who looked sheepish and embarrassed. He shrugged. "Sugar, drives a hard bargain."

Santana coughed from the couch. "Whipped," she faux sneezed.

"Santana! Enough," Helen barked.

Rachel gave Sugar a wave and walked and curled up into Santana's lap . "I'll see you later. Thanks for the fort," she mumbled.

Sugar rolled her eyes. "Of course, they will be better next time. Won't they, Frank?"

"Yes, Miss Sugar," he nodded as he opened the door for her.

Once the door was closed, Shelby turned with a sigh and saw Quinn napping on one couch as Santana tucked the blanket around herself and Rachel on the opposite couch. Her children were magnetized to each other; it was a fact she realized a long time ago. She sighed and went over to feel Santana's head. She was still burning up.

"No, Rach," she said untucking Rachel from Santana's little nest. "No, I know you want to curl up but I don't want you sick."

"If I'm sick I don't have to testify," Rachel mumbled as she continued to shiver and leaned back into Santana.

"No," Shelby said softly.

Rachel frowned. "You move around too much. I can't lay with you if you don't even lay down until night time. I want to lay with San."

"Rach, don't whine," Quinn mumbled into the couch.

Rachel perked up. "I can't lay with San because she sick?"

"Yes, Rach," Shelby said shaking her head with a laugh. "Get up."

Rachel climbed off of the couch and crawled on the the longer couch with Quinn, who let out a grunt. "Rach," she moaned.

"I wanna lay with you," Rachel said as she rested next to Quinn.

Quinn sighed. "I'm sleeping."

"You're talking. You're awake," Rachel said as she carefully messed with the blankets. "And I'm cold. Pleeeeease."

"I'm sleep talking," she said dryly. "You're interrupting my REM."

"Nuh uh," Rachel said as she reached and laid down closer to Quinn.

"Is this okay?" Quinn asked as she looked over Rachel's body at Shelby.

"It's fine," Shelby said sitting on the arm of the couch. "Are you okay with it?" she asked more quietly.

Quinn paused and Rachel looked up realizing the tension. "You really don't want me to sit here with you?"

Quinn tried to form words but all she could hear were Alicia's words.

Rachel's eyes fill with tears. "What did I do?" she asked.

Quinn sighed and wished she could bury herself in the couch cushions. She felt Shelby's eyes on her. "What's going on?"

"I don't know!" Rachel said with a sigh as her tears ran down her cheeks. She threw back the blankets and headed toward the hallway toward under the stairs but Bear scooped her up.

"Hey," he said gently as she rubbed her back. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Quinn said as she shook her head and tried to keep her face hidden. "I have to go to the bathroom," she said.

Shelby stood up and calmed her hand through Santana's hair lightly as she watched as Quinn rushed out of the room and her mother and brother-in-law ushered Rachel toward the kitchen.

"Mumma, what did I do?" Rachel asked from Bear's shoulder.

"Nothing that I know of Rachel," Shelby said. "Go warm up. You're still shivering."

"She can lay with me," Santana called over the couch as she started to sit up only to have her mother push her gently back down.

"You're sick and you have a fever," Shelby scolded gently. She looked at her mother out of the corner of her eye. "I'm not even sure how you got downstairs."

Helen shook her head and tucked the huffy teenager back in. "San, no, you need to rest. No snuggles until you can keep a meal down," Nana said. "But I'll make you some hot cocoa too."

"Kay," she said rolling her eyes.

Down the hallway, Quinn stared herself in the bathroom mirror. She didn't know what to say. She didn't talk about it with Elyse. She couldn't really even wrap her head around it all. She let out a shuttering breath.

"Quinn?"

She looked at the bathroom door with a frown. "I don't want to talk," she said quietly as she ran the water. "Nothing's wrong I just... I don't want her hanging on me right now... and... I don't..."

"Okay," Shelby said through the door. "Can we not talk about this through the door?"

Quinn dried her hands and opened the door. "there's nothing to talk about."

"Really?" Shelby said as she searched her eyes. "What's going on?"

Quinn tried to look away. "I have so much on the line tomorrow... She does... and I don't... I don't need to be reminded of that responsibility." Quinn couldn't believe how the lies were coming out of her mouth. She didn't know what to say but she couldn't say the truth. She couldn't say the words that were in her mind and the doubt in her heart. She told Shelby before she didn't know who she was and Alicia just knocked her feet out from underneath her. She didn't know how to articulate any of this.

"Is that what's really going on?" Shelby asked.

Quinn gave a rapid nod. "Yeah."

"It doesn't have anything to do with what you talked about with Elyse or Alicia?" Shelby asked gentle.

"How did you know about that?" Quinn asked feeling her body tense.

The truth was Shelby didn't know much. Elyse didn't have much to report and she didn't talk to Alicia at all.

"I don't," Shelby said gently. "What happened?"

Quinn just shook her head. "Nothing, I swear. Nothing happened. I would never do that. You have to know that."

Shelby took a deep breath. "Quinn, I don't know what you're talking about."

Quinn just shook her head and felt the weight on her chest cave in. "I would never hurt, Rachel," she said with a quiver of her lip. "Ever."

"Honey," Shelby said as she pulled Quinn into her arms. "I don't believe that you would. You are so kind and gentle with her. Even when you weren't with anyone else, you always were with Rachel."

She shook her head. "People think that I made it up. People think that I hurt her and not him. I wouldn't I swear!" Quinn sobbed.

Shelby rubbed Quinn's back. "Q-bear, I would never think that you would do that. You know why?" Quinn shook her head. "Because you get so upset when you make her feel an ounce of unhappiness."

"I can be mean, Mom," she whispered into her shoulder. She pulled away and wiped her eyes. "I can be mean to people and make them upset and …. I … I can... what if I can do that?"

"Quinn, I don't believe you will," Shelby said.

"But, … but Alicia said that sometimes those who are abused become the abusers and … and... and ..-" she was trying to contain her hiccups. "What if it only take a moment? What if we just... what if I -"

"Quinn, calm down," she whispered. "Look at me."

"I can't … do this... if that's what they're going to say to me... if that's what they're going to accuse me of if -"

"Quinn," Shelby whispered as she cupped her face. "Look at me." She wiped the girl's tears with her thumb. "I know the truth. You know the truth and we know that they're wrong.-"

"But that's not enough!" she whimpered. "Don't you know what it's like when people think so little of you? And you can't get that dignity back?"

"Yeah, I do," Shelby whispered. "for a long time, I was the celebrity mother that left my children in the hands of a monster. I was that mother that was over analyzed and gossiped about. It hurts, Quinn, and I wish that I could protect you from it all but I can't. …. But I promise that I won't love you any less after this trial. I'm not going anywhere."

She shook her head. "What if it's not enough?"

"It will be," Shelby whispered. "If you don't want Rachel to snuggle with you, you have to tell her. and it's okay if you don't want to. Just tell her."

"I know...It's not that... I just... I don't want to … I don't want to... be tempted."

Shelby felt something explode in her chest. She was going to kill that woman. "Q-Bear, did you ever feel that way toward Rachel before?"

"No," she replied quietly. "But she's right... I might... because.. because of what happened..."

"It is true that people who have been in situations that you have been in sometimes can become abusers. If you ever feel those urges, you can tell me. I will still love you but you need to come to me. Okay? Let me know what's happening when you're confused or scared and I'll be there."

Quinn looked at her tearfully. "I think that I'm going to hurt her?"

"No, I honestly don't believe that you will, but I know that it's a fear that is in you right now. I don't want you to be scared. Ever. I know that this isn't what you want for you or Rachel or anyone else. you know what you feel about Rachel."

"I love her. She's … she's my sister and she's the first one that accepted me without a question..." Quinn thought remembering.

"Exactly," she whispered kissing her temple. "That's all you need to remember. Every moment. Talk to Elyse about this. We can do it together."

"I don't want to talk about it," she said. "I won't... I won't do that...I'm not saying I want to-"

"Quinn, she put a doubt in your head that I wish wasn't there-" Shelby began.

"I've... always thought about it..." She continued to avoid Shelby's eyes. "About the kind of mother I would be... the kind of child I would bring into the world..." She gave a tearful scoff. "Look what happened."

"Quinn," Shelby began softly.

"I don't know who I am or what I'm capable of... Good or bad..." She looked up at Shelby with tearfilled eyes. "I ... don't want to disappoint you."

"Quinn, I will always love you. I will always support you. I didn't know who I was or what I was capable of when I was your age. I just... I had no idea..."

"You are a mom... You're the best mom," she muttered.

"I didn' ... I didn't know that I wanted to be a mother... I thought that I was destined to be a Broadway legend... Then I did an internship and my life changed and I wanted to do more...Life changes everyday, Quinn... and we all do our best to be together with it."

"I'm still scared," she muttered as she leaned her head on her mother's shoulder.

"It's okay to be scared. I am too."

….

Rachel poked at her hot chocolate. She kept fishing the marshmallows out and then pouring more in once she finished. She had eaten almost the whole bag of marshmallows because of the process.

"Sweetheart," Helen called. "If we wanted you to eat the bag of marshmallows, we would have given you just the bag."

Rachel frowned and held up the bag. "But you did."

"To go with the hot chocolate, bug," Bear said as he took the bag from her. "Finish your hot chocolate or go lay in the family room, but not with your sisters."

"Where's Noah? Can I sit with him?" she asked.

"No, bug," Bear said. "Even though his fever broke, he's been wiped out the whole day. I don't want you getting sick."

"If I'm sick, I won't have to testify," she said.

"If you're sick, you won't have to testify tomorrow, but you will eventually," Bear said. He felt her forehead with the back of his hand and gave a heavy sigh. "I think it's brewing in you and Quinn, but I think you'll be fine for tomorrow. You're going to do fine and then it'll be over."

Rachel looked at her marshmallow-less mug. "I don't want to talk about it. I'm not …. it's not for me... it's for the other girls."

Bear paused. "You know about the other girls."

Rachel nodded. "Do you? Do you know how many there were? Or... if they were my age too?"

Bear felt like a he had been shot in the heart. He remembered seeing those pictures in Schuester's basement. He remembered all of the faces. It was why he couldn't sit in court like his father-in-law, wife, and sons were today. He couldn't sit there and listen to what the man could have done to Rachel and had done to others.

He leaned down and scooped Rachel up. "Rachel, you just need to answer the questions tomorrow and tell the truth."

Rachel elbowed him lightly. "You didn't answer my question." She looked up at him with pleading eyes. "Will you tell me? The truth I mean."

"About what?" Shelby asked as she entered the room.

"The truth about the other girls," Rachel said casually. "No one will tell me anything."

Helen and Bear looked at Shelby for advice. Bear caught the look in his sister-in-law's eyes. He knew something was up.

"Rach," he said gently. "We will tell you everything after the trial is over. Only concern yourself with the truth and then I promise I will sit down with you afterwards and tell you everything."

"Everything?" Rachel asked.

"I'll answer all of your questions," he smiled softly.

"Okay," she said as she leaned against his chest.

"Rach..." Quinn called from the doorway. The eleven year old perked up. "Do you want to come lay with me? We can watch Animal Planet if you want."

Rachel nodded and climbed off of her uncle's lap and took Quinn's hand that the blonde was offering. "You're not mad at me?" she asked quietly.

"No," Quinn answered back as they settled onto the couch.

Shelby watched them settle and closed the sliding doors most of the way.

"You alright?" Helen asked. "I need to call that stupid ADA," she hissed.

"She's in court for the case," Bear said. "What's going on?"

"I need to call Elyse then," she said.

"She's testifying today," Bear said again.

"Well, I don't care! I need to talk to someone," she hissed. She continued barely above a whisper. "Alicia put ideas in Quinn's head that she was an capable of being the abuser and told Rachel about the other girls and I am going to kill her."

"What?" Bear asked.

"I just... I can't," she said as she put her head in her hands as she leaned on the counter. "I don't need this, too."

Helen and Bear exchanged a look. "How was your meeting?" Bear attempted casually.

Shelby let out a groan into her hands. She paused for a few minutes before she spoke. "I don't want to talk about it yet."

"What happened?" Helen pushed.

"What part of I don't want to talk about it did you not understand?" she snapped. She squeezed her eyes shuts. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just. I …. I can't think about that right now. At this moment, I'm trying to coordinate what I need to pack for tomorrow for court. I want to bring Rachel's neb just in case. I want... I think that Dad will take Quinn back and then we'll bring Rachel in. We have a few hours between their testimonies... I just I can't think about it yet."

Helen frowned. "Okay," she said thoughtfully. "You know we'll be here as long as you need."

"I don't know if I need you here!" she slipped. She felt herself panting with anxiety. She shook her head. "I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't... I'm sorry. I do... I do appreciate all that you and Dad do. Same for you, bear. You and Joey being here has helped …. I just... I don't know... I …. I'm sorry. I need some answers and I need to yell and I need-"

"You need to breathe," Helen said offering Shelby a cup of tea.

"You know it'll take so much more than that to keep us away," Bear smirked as she took the mug just as the sliding door opened.

"Mumma," Rachel said with a quiet sigh as she peeked through the door.

Shelby straightened and looked at her youngest. "Yeah, bug?"

"Quinn's snoring and Santana is sleeping, too," she said. "Can I go find George?"

"I'll go get him," Bear said as he ran up the backstairs.

Shelby set her tea up down and crouched down in front of Rachel. "Why don't you try to take a quick nap too?"

Rachel shook her head but wrapped her arounds around her mother's neck. "I want..." she trailed off and rested her head on her mother's shoulders.

Shelby put her hands on Rachel's sides and pulled her back from her and looked into her eyes. "What do you want?"

"Can I have..." she asked quietly. "Can I ..um..."

"Yes, Rachel? What is that you want?" Shelby asked with a smirk.

"Can I have the rest of my Christmas candy?"

Shelby exhaled with an arch of her brow. Her other kids inhaled their candy. Rachel still seemed to believe they were still allotted a certain amount of sweets and then handed the rest of hers in and continued to ask permission for when she had it. Or, much to Shelby's amusement, she would try to 'sneak' sweets in the most obvious way, as if she wanted to get caught.

"What did you eat for lunch after I left?" Shelby asked.

"A sandwich with tomatoes and basil... and cheese," she said remembering. "And... um... sweet potato chips and... um... carrots and green pepper sticks..."

"What a big lunch," Shelby said with a smirk. "Now how much of it did you eat?"

Rachel frowned in thought. "Um...I ate enough."

Bear let out an amused scoff as he entered the kitchen with the stuffed money in his arms. "Rachel," he said as he handed Rachel her Geroge. "How much of your lunch did you eat?"

"Some of it," she whispered. "Nevermind. I don't want candy."

"You know you can have some, Rach," Shelby said gently. "But we need to eat some real food too."

Shelby peeked in the refrigerator and say Rachel's sandwich sitting in the drawer. There were approximately 4 bites taken from the sandwich and next to that sandwich was Quinn's soup. It looked like she didn't even eat any of it. Practically the entire container was full of soup.

She shook her head and walked over to Bear and leaned against his side slightly as she rested her chin on George, using the monkey as a pillow. "I changed my mind."

Shelby took the sandwich and the soup out of the refrigerator. "I know that we're going to have dinner in a bit but I want to have a snack with you. I'm hungry. Will you eat with me? You can have an orange and maybe a bite or two of some sandwich." Rachel looked at her with a sigh. Shelby knew that look. It was the Corcoran look of disinterest. Rachel had already moved on. She didn't care about eating anymore. "Hey, hey, Rach," she laughed. "Don't tune me out yet. Your sisters and brother do that all the time."

Rachel laid her head down completely on the counter. "I want to lay with Santana and Quinn." She started to climb off of her chair.

"They're both sleeping, Rach. Plus," she said as she leaned over the island on her elbows. "Santana is still sick and," she paused for dramatic effect. "You're starting to feel a little warm-"

"Sooooo if i'm already sick I can lay with her," she said excitedly.

"No," Shelby laughed. she stuck her bottom lip out slightly. "Will you please do this for me, Rach? I know you know why you need to and I would really like some Rachel snuggle time too."

"You're guilting me into lying with you- and it's lying too. Miss Holly just went over that with me last week. The difference between lay and lie and …. all that... I think that's it...Maybe it's lay."

Shelby laughed as Rachel hugged her side. "It's just what I need right now, Rach," she said as she kissed the top of her head.

"I'll always snuggle with you, Mumma," Rachel whispered.

"You will?" Shelby laughed.

"Yeah."

…..

Noah opened his eyes and looked around the room. It was dark. Was it night time? Was it Christmas? No, they had done that. That fox, he reminded himself. He looked around. There was a glass of water on his nightstand and his room was fairly clean. He frowned as he leaned over the side of his bed. The carpet was clean... and smelled like flowery baking soda. He rolled his eyes. His nana must have cleaned. He looked down at his bed sheets. They were damp. He frowned... that wasn't good. He yanked the sheets off of the bed and through them into the hallway on his way to the bathroom. After making sure that all three of the door were shut, he didn't want his sisters walking in on him. He started a long shower. As he scrubbed his body and became a person again, he was trying his best to remember what day it was. They did Christmas... and …. hmmm... he remembered nothing after that... He had a fever and felt sick and... There was snow... and …. He knew that there were days but they seemed to blend together.

He dried off and walked back to his room and grabbed his sweats and changed and hauled his sheets down the hallway. He peeked into Quinn's room expecting the girls to be in there. He only saw that Quinn and Rachel were asleep in her lofted bed. He didn't see Santana so he dropped his sheets heavily and peeked into Santana's room only to see his Nana walking out.

"Hey there," she said with a smile as she reached out and felt his forehead. "You feel better. You're not hot."

He nodded. "I was kinda hot and sticky when I woke up." His eyes widened. "Not like that, Nana!"

She chuckled. "You're fine, bud. Your fever just broke. I'm just glad it didn't give too high to take you to the hospital."

"How long was I sleeping ? I don't even know what day it is Did I miss New Years?"

Nana tilted her head. "Noah you've been asleep for days. We've been taking you up . taking you to the bathroom. Feeding you soup..."

"Oh," he said in surprise. "Thanks... I'm starving."

She chuckled. "I bet."

Noah nodded. "Is it late? Why are they sleeping?"

She chewed her bottom lip. "The girls are testifying tomorrow," she said slowly. She watched as his posture changed completely. "And Santana has your flu too. We're keeping a close eye on it though. I think it's a little worse than yours but she'll get through it. And I think Quinn and Rach might get it. They have low grade fevers now."

"Low grade? Like failing?" he asked.

She smiled as she began to pick up the sheets on the floor and collect his laundry. "It's barely 100. A little bit below."

"That's no good. Isn't she supposed to be like 80...or 90... ?"

"No, almost," Nana stated. "98 is normal."

"Yeah," he nodded. "So I can't see them?"

"Well, they're sleeping," she smiled. "Let's get some food in your belly."

He paused and looked back at their rooms. "They nervous?"

"What do you think?" she said with a weak smile. "Let's head downstairs."

He sighed and picked up the sheets and laundry basket and he followed her down the back stairs.

"Look who it is," Bear chuckled.

Shelby looked at her son with a smile. She reached out and felt his forehead. "How are you feeling? I thought that was you showering."

He nodded. "I feel better. I didn't realize I was out for so long. That little dwarf gave us the killer strain."

"Don't say that," Shelby said as she began to make her son a sandwich.

"Ma, can I have more than a sandwich?"

"Give my guy some pasta," Michael laughed.

"I don't want to give him anything too heavy," Shelby said as she reached for some soup. "Your sister hasn't been able to keep anything down for days. You have slept for days."

"I'll take whatever you give me," he sighed with a grin. "But know that I might want more."

"Noted," she smiled.

"So..." he began with a frown. " Will... What's going to happen tomorrow?"

He watched with a frown as everyone exchanged a look.

"We're not sure," Joey began seriously. His aunt was never serious.

"What do you mean? What aren't you saying?" he asked as his mother handed him a sandwich.

"We've been going," Dexter began.

"To the trial?" he asked.

Dexter nodded. "Open arguments have stated that they're really going to bring up Rach and Quinn's past... to discount them... " he said carefully.

Noah narrowed his eyes. "What are you saying? He can't do that. We have her clothes. Quinn saw it."

"We know," Joey stated. "But it'll be hard for him."

"And he'll be in there with them?" They nodded.

He shook his head and looked at his mother. "You won't leave them alone right?"

"Absolutely not," she said gently. "We will get through this."

"Mom?"

Noah looked on the stairs and Santana was standing their in their dad's old shirt and a pair of sweats.

"You look like crap," he said with an amused smirk.

"Glad to see you've risen from the dead," she hissed back at him.

"Santana," Nana stated with a sigh. "I just checked on you. What do you need?"

"I cannot sleep by myself," she said said avoiding everyone's eyes.

Noah looked at the family. Something had happened. He wasn't sure quite what, but something had happened. Even Griffin wasn't saying anything.

"I'll come up and lay with you," Shelby said with a gentle smile.

"I want to lay with Rachel," she said quietly. "Is she sick yet?"

Noah soaked in her sister's appearance. Something happened. He hadn't seen her like in a long time and it scared him.

_Noah stuffed his clothes into his duffle. He didn't get it. He didn't understand why he was leaving and his sisters had to stay. He wasn't stupid. _

"_Everything will be settled soon," some grown up said from the door. _

"_Shut up," he muttered. "I want to see my sisters." He looked at the stupid grown up with determination like his mom used to. He wasn't sure if it would work though. _

"_You can certainly say goodbye, but I know that you're seeing them tomorrow for your visit with your mom." _

_He frowned. "Well bring me to them." _

_He didn't care what the woman said as he walked into the kiddie unit. That's what he called it because that's where all of the babies were. Rachel was sitting with a corner playing with one of the ladies was sitting with her. Rachel was sitting with her holding her pacifier in her mouth and a bear clenched in her arms that she found in the stuffed animals corner that she always tried to claim during play time. The lady attempted to engage Rachel with building blocks. _

"_Rachel, will you hand me the red one?" she asked kindly. _

_Rachel silently looked over at the red block and then back at the woman. _

"_She knows which one it is," Noah said over the fence that wrapped around the baby area. "She's not stupid." _

"_Noah," the lady stated. "Use kind words." _

_Rachel pushed herself to standing and walked carefully over to Noah. She still walked funny but Noah didn't say anything he didn't want to embarrass her like he knew he would be embarrassed if someone made fun of him. She smiled at him. He reached over the gate and was about to pull her up and the lady behind him coughed and said no. He rolled his eyes and opened the cake and walked in. _

"_I'm going to go somewhere else. Okay?" _

_Rachel's frown deepened and her eyes filled. _

"_I'll still see you. I just can't stay here anymore, but I think we get to go home to Mumma soon," he said. "I know it."_

_Rachel shook her head and wrapped her arms around her brother. "Sorry. I sorry!" _

"_Rachel, you didn't do anything wrong," a grown up said. Noah thought her name was Natalie but didn't care to remember. "Noah is going to spend time elsewhere." _

"_What?" Santana asked as she rounded the corner. _

"_I was going to find you," Noah said carefully. "You can't be mad. This won't change anything." _

"_It will," Santana said with a deep set frown. _

_Noah looked behind him and saw the teachers talking. They were worried. They always looked at Santana as if she were a slingshot ready to go off. He watched the grown ups talk to the babies about the need to go in another room. They thought that Santana and Noah didn't notice, but they always did. _

"_Santana, you need to calm down," a grown up said once all of the little kids were out. _

"_I am!" she screamed. "Where's my brother going?" _

_The grown ups looked at each other instead of responding. _

"_Santana, we talked about how Noah might stay somewhere else," Natalie stated. _

"_No you didn't! You didn't!" she scolded. _

_Rachel was still holding closely to Noah and was starting to shake in his arms. _

"_You have to calm down, Santana," he told her. "Rachel's scared." _

"_I want to leave! You can't go! NO!" _

_Noah felt someone edge closer toward her. Rachel gripped onto Noah tighter. _

"_Come here, Rachel," a grown up said. _

"_No!" Noah said pulling back. "She's safe with me. Leave us alone!" _

_Santana leaned over and knocked over a shelf. _

"_Santana, this is not okay to break stuff. I'm sorry that you didn't know," Natalie tried. _

"_Go Away! My brother needs to stay here! HERE!" _

_Noah held Rachel close to his chest and it felt like whole room became silent. He watched his sister destroy the playroom for the babies. Rachel wouldn't stop moving in his arms and he didn't realize she was crying until later. One of the grown ups had to lead Noah and Rachel away. They kept telling Santana that she could be angry but she would need to clean up when she was finished. They told her that it wasn't okay for her to throw things. Didn't they see that Santana didn't care about the toys. All she cared about was ... going home and having Noah there. _

_As Noah was being led out of the room he stopped and looked at Santana. _

"_San, stop," he whispered. _

_She looked at him and shook her head. "I can't." _

_He met her eyes and he saw his sister. She was in there somewhere. He sighed and sat Rachel down. A grown up started toward her. "Leave her alone!" he scolded. Rachel jumped and looked at her brother. Noah could see that she was hiccuping like after he cried really hard. "Rachel," he said as he looked at her. "Sit right here okay. I'm going to talk with Santana." _

"_Noah," Natalie began. "We can talk to Santana." _

"_Well, you suck at it," he hissed.  
><em>

"_Let's give it a try," one of the grown ups said._

"_This is the problem," Natalie hissed not quietly enough. "They are NOT supposed to be the grown ups. We are." _

_Noah smiled at Rachel and she nodded. He stood up carefully and looked over at Santana. "You made a mess," he said with a smirk._

"_Shut up," she frowned but had a tiny smile that she was trying to conceal. _

_He walked over to her and began to clean up. "You know I wouldn't leave you because I wanted to," he said quietly. "You still mad?" _

_She shook her head. She was getting to the point where she was too tired to be angry, but she was quiet. Noah knew that that meant. He knew that she would just shut down. She would get quiet and sometimes cry or sometimes hit things. _

_She shook her head as she played with the toys that she knocked down. she rolled the blocks in her hands._

"_Santana?" _

_She frowned and threw it across the room. "Why are you leaving?!" _

"_Because they told me to," he said. "We gotta do what they want or else we can't go home. You just went through this room like...Like the tazmanian devil." _

"_Don't say that," she barked with tears in her eyes. _

"_I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" he asked softly. _

_Santana just looked down at all of the toys. "I'm fine. Go away." _

"_San, don't be mad." _

"_I'm not mad," she whispered. "Go away." _

_He stood up slowly. "I love your face," he said with a goofy grin. _

"_Whatever" she mumbled. "I love your face too." _

_He stood up carefully and felt the adult lead him out of the room. _

Noah returned to the present. He would never forget how Sananta looked kneeling in the middle of toys looking as crumbled as ever. And that look was in her eyes now.

"Don't get Rachel sick, okay?"

"I won't, just leave it alone," she snapped before she walked out of the room.

"What...what happened?" he asked as he turned to his mother.

He watched as his mother followed Santana up the stairs with her eyes like moms do. "You need to talk to her, Noah," she said softly.

He frowned. Something happened. He knew that in the least, but what he knew even more was that right now his sister was on the edge and they were going to have a lot more to clean up than a room full of toys.

...

Quinn blinked her eyes open and looked around. The house still had that soft murmur that she had grown accustom to. It reminded her that she wasn't alone, but she wasn't smothered either. She stretched slightly and sat up. She untangled herself from Rachel and quietly climbed over Santana before she made her way downstairs. She heard that the television was on as she slowly made her way to the bottom of the stairs. It was if she were having to remind herself how to walk. She glanced over the back of the couch and stared at the screen with disgust but still made her way to the other couch. She had to sit down or she would fall over.

"Hey," Noah said. "You're alive."

She rolled her eyes as she tucked herself in. "You're the one we were worried about. Glad to see that you've survived the plague."

"Yeah, and I feel like I haven't eaten for years!" Noah said taking his last bite of food from the plate he was eating. "I love being sick," he said as he stood up. "They let me eat on the couch."

She scoffed and shook her head as he went into the other room to leave Quinn and Griffin together awkwardly.

"I ... I wanted to say ... I'm sorry," he as his eyes shifted to and from the television.

Quinn scowled. "What for?"

"For not... for being so hard with you at the beginning... I just... I'm sorry," he muttered.

"You've already apologized for this," she said with a confused glare.

"Quinn, I was just... I really mean it this time," he said with a shrug.

"Good to know you were faking it before,"she scoffed.

"I just... I promise I will have your back from now on...I just remember how hard the trial was before and -"

"Well I'm different," she hissed.

"You are," he recovered quickly. "You don't have to be tough all of the time, Quinn."

"You're just saying all of this because you went to the trial today and feel guilty," she said as she swung her legs off of the couch.

He sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she hissed as she slowly made her way toward the kitchen.

Noah passed Quinn and frowned. "Quinn-"

"Go away," she said as she walked into the kitchen.

Noah sighed and leaned back on the couch with a new bowl of food. "What did you say?"

"Nothing," Griffin mumbled back. "I didn't get a chance to."

"Chance to what?" he asked with his mouth full.

Griffin looked quietly at his hands. He rarely was still or quiet. "I was at court... watching the trial for the past few days, Noah, and... it sucks... and... I think that they're going to have a hard time."

Noah looked at his cousin, soaking in his words. "Well... we all knew it wasn't going to be easy..."

"I just wish that Quinn knew she had people to go to," he said.

"She does," Noah said. "And I guarantee that one of them isn't you. Sorry, dude. You're kind of the last person on her radar to care about. So ... whatever you're thinking... stop..."

"I just wanted to thank her for everything she's done with Rach and San and -"

"Seriously, Griff," Noah said, cutting him off. "No one needs to hear it from you."

"Ouch," he grimaced with a grin.

"Seriously, man," Noah said, taking another bite. "Quinn has a lot more things to think about than you."

"I'm just ... I was a jerk and I want to apologize," he said.

"Maybe someday, someone in this family will believe you. You have to stop acting like a jerk .. apologizing for being one isn't enough."

...

Quinn wandered into the kitchen looking for something.

"Hey, there," Shelby smiled walking over to Quinn. She gave a frown was she felt the girl's forehead. "Q-bear, it feels like you're getting warmer."

Quinn groaned annoyed. "Blame it on Santana. She's drooling on my pillow."

"How about some soup?" Helen asked.

Quinn shrugged. Shelby kissed her lightly on the temple. "Soup, please, sweetheart," she whispered.

Shelby felt Quinn sigh in indignant frustration and she made her way up the stairs. She felt as if this task was pointless, but she was still going to separate them. She hated that they were so sick, but Rachel's immune system was so terrible as was Quinn's and Santana couldn't be with her sisters, but it seemed that they kept drawing each other in.

When she neared Quinn's room, she heard heaving from the bathroom. She quickened her pace and opened the door to see Santana lurching over the toilet. She gave a sympathetic sigh and rubbed Santana's back.

"I'm fine," Santana said into the toilet bowl.

"You're not, sweetheart. You're sick," Shelby said.

"No, I'm fine," she said as she pushed herself away from the toilet bowl. "I'm going tomorrow."

"Santana," Shelby said looking her daughter in the eye. "Even if you were 100% healthy, San, don't think I would let you go."

Santana frowned. "What?" she asked with hurt in her eyes. "Why not?"

"Because none of the kids are going. I think yes, you're old enough to do your own things, but I just... it's too hard," Shelby said gently.

"Too hard?" Santana asked in frustration. "All of this is too hard. She needs me there. She thinks I'm going to be there. She needs me there. They both do!"

"Sweetheart, it'll be too much. It will be hard for me," she said kindly.

"So I should be there for you too!" she interrupted. "I need to be there."

"Santana," Shelby said quietly. "It's not happening. I'm so sorry. I just... I think it'll be too much..."

"I don't care," Santana whispered as she tried to stand up weakly, but her mother put her hand on her shoulder to keep her down. She looked at her angrily. "I have to be there!"

"San, it's not going to be easy for them and they're going to have a hard time with it. They aren't really going to go that easy on you and ... I don't want you in there. Noah isn't going to be in there either."

"The boys have been going," Santana argued. She tried again to stand up. "I should be able to go! I have to go!" she shook her head. She tried to reach the sink to pull her up, but she couldn't. She let out a sob.

"And they've been having a hard time with it, San," Shelby said quietly. "They're not going tomorrow."

She leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. "Rachel, needs me," she whispered as she began to hit the back of her head against the wall, but Shelby reached her hand between her daughter's head in the wall to stop her. 'Quinn needs me..."

"Of course, they do, San," Shelby said. "But you can't be there." She could see Santana was on the edge of a meltdown.

"I have to -" The color from her face drained and she leaned over the toilet again.

Shelby held her hair back and rubbed her back. "It's not happening, San. You can't even stand up. You're not going to court. I'm sorry."

Santana stared angrily at the porcelain throne. She had been on the floor of the bathroom for over an hour. She hated that she was sick. She hadn't been able to get up because every time she attempted to she heaved again. She heard a gentle knock at the door broke her thoughts.

Rachel looked at her with a tilt of her head.

"Mom said you were on quarantine, but I wanted to come and see you," she said quietly as she climbed into the empty bathtub. "I'll sit over here."

"You were laying with me earlier, Rach," Santana chuckled weakly. "You don't have to barricade yourself in the bathtub."

"...So... You won't be there tomorrow and ... neither will Noah..." she whispered.

Santana looked at her with regret. "Rach," she whispered. "I will be with you the whole time."

"But you won't," she mumbled in defeat.

Santana stared at her baby sister as she sunk deeper into the bathtub. Her heart was breaking at Rachel's devastation and furious over her mother's inability to allow her to be there for Rachel.

The door opened causing Rachel to jump.

"Rachel, there you are," Shelby said with a tiny shake of her head as she held her hand out to Rachel to come toward the door. "I told you to get ready for bedtime."

Rachel nodded and walked toward her mother. She cast one more glance at Santana. "Feel better, Sanny."

Santana felt a lump in her throat. She wasn't going to be there and she couldn't be there. She was on the floor next to her own waste. She felt like she was stuck in that moment. She was finally able to get to bed with the help of her mother and uncle. Whenever she looked at them, their mouths were moving but she wasn't hearing anything. She couldn't focus on it. All she could think about was Rachel's eyes as they looked at her. They weren't just sad and disappointed. They were lost. She was scared and she couldn't have her going scared. It just could be like that.

She lay in bed alone for the rest of the night not only because she couldn't sleep alone, but because everytime she closed her eyes she kept thinking about what the lawyer will say to Quinn or the looks that Quinn would receive.

"Santana?"

Santana looked up at her door and her mother was standing there.

"What's wrong?" Santana asked as she attempted to sit up.

"I thought that i'd check on you," she said gently. "I couldn't sleep either."

Santana looked at her mother and felt the lump in her throat filling her nose and eyes as she began to cry. "I have to be there, Mom," she whispered. "I have to..."

"Oh, San," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around her. "We will be fine. We all will."

Santana shook her head and wiped her tears. She couldn't stop thinking about this; her mind wouldn't turn off.

"Let's read a book," Shelby whispered as she reached over Santana and pulled a book from her small shelf.

"I don't want to," she whispered.

"I thought you might say that," she whispered as she pulled out the iPad. "I thought we could watch a movie that I know would distract you at least for a bit."

Santana frowned. "Jurassic Park?"

Shelby smirked. "I don't know how you fell in love with this movie but yes."

Santana leaned into her mother. "You're going to get sick too," she whispered.

"I haven't yet," Shelby stated. "Your sister's have fevers but I'm okay."

"Or so you say," she whispered as the movie plated. "If I feel better tomorrow, can I go?"

"Santana," Shelby warned. She kissed the top of her head. "She'll be okay."

Santana leaned into her mother. "I hope so."

They lay quietly for a few minutes more as they watched the movie. Santana gave a few mumbles about how this would be so much better if it were real before finally falling asleep soon after they lawyer was eaten by the dinosaur.

Shelby stared down at her daughter questioning the choices that she had been making over the past nine years. When Santana had been staying at the shelter, they were worried about Santana's outbursts and to what level her trauma would still impact her puberty and teenage years. They were worried about Santana's reactions. They were sure that she would hurt Rachel and even more sure that she was going to hurt herself. Shelby felt like she had dropped the ball with Santana in areas that she had thought she was watching closely. She knew that this trial may tear them in two and she wasn't sure if they could come back from it. She was requestioning every choice that she had made and wondering if there was a moment where she could have been better, pushed them harder out of their comfort zone so that they were more prepared for it all. Her mind was overflowing with scenarios. She couldn't stop it and even more she couldn't believe that they were doing this again. How has she let this happen again? How did things all go wrong?

...

Quinn smoothed out her sweater as she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked at herself. Her heart was in her throat. She was trying her best to distract herself but she couldn't. She was constantly distracted by her reality.

"You don't look like you're ready," a voice said behind her.

Quinn didn't turn around. "I thought that you were down with the plague. Making a stop on your way to the bathroom?"

"Shut it," she whispered. Santana stepped forward and leaned against one of the Quinn's bed posts. "I brought you something."

"What?" Quinn asked turning to her. "More germs and your puke breath?"

"No," Santana said, causing Quinn's smirk to fade slightly. "I've brought something for you."

Quinn arched her brow and looked at Santana's hand. The girl held out a pair of earrings and her necklace.

"You want to give your plague jewelry?"

"I ... I can't be there," she hissed. "Mom said so."

"Well you're puking every five seconds," Quinn pointed out quietly.

Santana thumbed the jewelry. "I just...I want to be there for you."

Quinn looked at her quietly. "I ... I promise that Rachel will be fine. I will make sure of it. What I ...what I say I mean... Mom told me that I can't be there for Rachel's testimony either..."

"I want to be there for you too," she said quietly.

Quinn smirked. "You want me to wear your plague jewelry and think of you?"

"Shut up," Santana said with a roll of her eyes. "I know you're scared and you're afraid to say it...I didn't... I didn't have to testify like you are... but... I had to talk to a camera..."

"You were also a child and had the cute factor... They think that my ... what... what happened with me and my father... that ... that ... I could hurt Rachel and-"

"What!" Santana asked tensing.

"I never would! EVER!" Quinn barked.

Santana was staring ahead blankly as she shook with rage.

"Santana?"

Quinn couldn't read her. She wasn't breaking anything. She wasn't saying anything. She was just seething. She was at the edge.

"Santana?"

Santana reached for something. Quinn stepped in front of her. "Stop," she whispered pulling her into a strange hug. "You don't have to break everything because you're upset."

Santana hugged her back quietly. Her eyes were trained forward.

Santana pulled away slightly. "They shouldn't say that about you."

"Thanks..." Quinn whispered confused.

"They said that about me," she said barely above a whisper.

"But you didn't go to court about it," she replied. She shook her head.

"I'm so sorry..." she whispered.

Quinn shook her head. "You have nothing to be sorry about," she said looking at Santana honestly. "Okay?"

Santana stared at her with a frown. "Just wear them okay?"

Quinn looked at her with a tiny smile. "After I bleach them."

"Bitch," Santana mumbled.

"Asshole."

"Girls?"

Nana stood in the doorway looking at them. "Santana I thought you were on your way to shower and get cleaned up. I think you'll feel better."

"I think you'll feel better if you go," she smiled. "I ran a nice bath for you."

"Thanks, Nana," she whispered.

"I also placed a large garbage bin near it," she said as she held at her arm for her to follow her. "Try not to hurl in the bath."

"Thanks, Nana," she mumbled.

...

Shelby put her earring in and stared at herself in the mirror. Here it was. This day had come and she wasn't sure what to expect. She never did and that's what scared her most. Joey and the boys had left a little earlier to hear what was going on in the beginning. Shelby was glad that she couldn't stay for all of it. She couldn't be in the same room as that man. She didn't know how her sister was handling it.

"Mumma?"

She turned and looked toward the door of her bedroom.

Rachel stood there with her light pink dress with, what Shelby believed was three pairs of spandex from dance, and a cardigan and complete her outfit, Santana's scarf and Uggs.

"Sweetheart," Shelby said as she walked to her and knelt in front of her. "What... Why did you chose to wear this outfit?"

"It's cold outside and I don't have any dress pants like Santana and Quinn and Noah. Why don't I have pants?" she asked hurriedly.

"Because you never want to try them on. You've always insisted that double tights with your dress would be enough" Shelby reminded her youngest.

"I just... I don't want to be cold," Rachel said.

She knew that it was more than that. She knew that Rachel didn't want any skin showing. The terrible thing was... Shelby couldn't blame her. and she hated herself for not making sure that Rachel was comfortable with the clothes she had for this trial.

"We will find something nice for you to wear," Helen said from behind Rachel.

"How?"

"Well, I've been working on some options," she said with kinda looked at her with a frown of confusion. "A woman needs to have some pants. I bought her some cords and dress pants and jeans."

"Mom-" Shelby interjected.

Helen put her hands up. "Don't worry, they fit her. I've been double checking and measuring her during naptime."

"I don't have nap time, Nana," she frowned. "Don't call it that." She sighed. "Thank you though... I think... I want to wear pants."

Shelby nodded. "Okay."

"I'm ready," a new voice said from the hallway.

Shelby looked up and gave Quinn a soft smile. She hated that even while Quinn squirmed with nervousness that she looked stunning in dress pants and a nice blouse. She was wearing Santana's necklace and earrings with bashful pride.

"You look beautiful," she said softly.

Quinn nodded and looked at the ground. Her nervousness was boiling at the surface again.

Rachel followed them with anxious little pants. "You'll come back okay?" she asked.

"Of course we will," Shelby said stopping Quinn by catching Quinn's arm and pulling the girls close to her. "We're going to be fine. Look at me." Rachel looked at her mother with open wide eyes, begging for guidance and Quinn gripped tightly onto Shelby's hand, hoping to find the courage to meet her eyes. "We are going to fine. This is just another hard day. Okay? And we will have tomorrow and it will be an amazing tomorrow. okay?"

Rachel nodded. "Okay, Mumma."

"Quinn?"

She didn't respond; she only nodded. Shelby peeked one last time in at Santana and left Rachel with her mother as the girl almost had to be pried from her grip.

"She'll be okay," Quinn said quietly as they made their way down the street.

Shelby gave a gentle smile. "Are you okay?"

"No," Quinn said as she looked up at the road.

Shelby exchanged a look with her father in the front seat. "I wish I could make this easier for you."

"You can't," she bit. She squeezed her eyes shut in regret. "I'm sorry. ... I just... I don't do this..."

Shelby watched as tears began to gather in her eyes. She shook her head in manic.

"Do you want me to pull over?"

"NO!" she shouted. "We can't be late. I have to do this. I have to!... but I can't."

"Quinn, honey," Shelby said as she pulled her daughter into her arms. "I can talk to the DA but you were still subpoenaed by the defense."

Her breath hitched in her chest. "I'm scared," she whispered. Her entire body was shaking but she couldn't stop it.

"I know," Shelby mumbled as she pressed her forehead to Quinn's. "I can talk with the DA."

"No," Quinn whispered. "I need to do this... I have to do this..."

"I'm so proud of you for doing this, Quinn," Shelby whispered. "But if you chose not to I would be just as proud."

"Are you ready?" Michael asked.

Quinn looked around. They had stopped. When had they stopped? She looked around. A phone ringing brought Quinn from her thoughts. Shelby pulled her phone from her pocket.

"Yeah, I know. We're on our way, Jo, It's tough..." Shelby reached to get out of the car but Quinn snapped her arm out to stop her.

Quinn knew that she had to do this. She knew that she had to do this, but her heart wouldn't stop beating out of her chest. She wasn't ready to face him. She didn't understand why she felt like this. She didn't feel like this when she went to her own father's trial. She paused. She barely went. She knew what would happen to her father when she went and barely choked through her statement. She felt her her body shake. Rachel could barely function at home. It was up to her to do this. She had to do this right... She had to get it right. There were no other options.

"I'm ready," she whispered.

Shelby looked up from the phone. "We can wait-"

"No," Quinn said more aggressively. "We can't."

Quinn didn't look back into Shelby's eyes. Not once. As they sat outside the area waiting for her to be called, she couldn't help but feel nervous and concerned. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to wait out there with her. Luckily the judge had assured them that it would be a closed court besides family. They wanted to make it as easy for the girls as possible. Shelby was able to walk in with Quinn and take her to her seat when they were called. She was so nervous that Shelby couldn't imagine what Quinn must be feeling or even close what was going through her head.

"We're ready," someone told them from the door.

Shelby inhaled sharply. Here they go. Quinn walked in front of her, still avoiding Shelby's eyes. Shelby wanted so badly to walk her through this whole mess, but she couldn't. They swore her in and Quinn's pierce eyes were strong and solid. Her eyes didn't show an ounce of nervousness. And as they didn't waver, her jaw set as she prepared herself for battle. She took a seat quietly next to the judge.

"Alright, Quinn," Alicia said quietly making eye contact with the girl. "Please state your name for the record."

Quinn leaned forward with her shoulders square. "Quinn Nicole Corcoran-"

A chuckle from Will Schuester broke Shelby's attention as well as the rest of the courtroom. Alicia glared at the defense table.

"Is there a problem?" the judge asked.

"No, your honor," Felix Duncan responded as he gave his client a warning look.

Shelby turned her attention back to Quinn and saw that the girl had deflated slightly and was now shifting in her seat.

"Quinn, how do you know Rachel Corcoran?"

"She's my sister. My adopted sister technically," she said easily.

"Can you tell me about your relationship with her?"

"I love her very much. I would protect her from any harm. When I first moved in with the Corcorans, she is the first one who I really had a connection with. In my heart she is my sister."

"Thank you, Quinn," Alicia said with a smile. "Quinn, can you tell us what you saw when you arrived at Mr. Schuester's office on the day in question?

The girl took a tiny breath and leaned toward the microphone. "I went to Mr. Schuester's office to talk to him about what happened with Rachel earlier... before vacation. Rachel wasn't supposed to be there because I knew mom was taking her to dance class. When I got to his office in the choir room, he was fixing his shirt and he told me that he spilled coffee on it, but I didn't see a coffee stain... but his cheek was bruised." Shelby saw her pause and stare at the floor, but before Alicia could encourage her to continue, Quinn went on. "I saw Rachel's jacket was on the far side of the room and... I saw her underwear near his desk. I asked him where Rachel was. I looked for her and couldn't find her so I started to leave... And that's when he cornered me and ... I knew that I needed to find her. He was holding me to keep me from leaving so... so I hit him on the head with a music stand to get away. I had to go find her."

Alicia nodded and let the courtroom soak it in. "Quinn, did he say anything to you? Did he do anything to you?"

"What... what do you mean?"

"You said that he held you in the room. Can you tell us what happened?"

Shelby saw Quinn's shoulders give in and her once steady gaze begin to waver. "Is that important? He hurt Rachel and I went to find her and ..."

"Quinn, please, did he say anything to you?" Alicia said softly.

Quinn's eyes finally met Shelby's and the hazel eyes crumbled.

"I ... I ... I told him that I would hurt him if he hurt her. He... He came closer to me and backed me into the wall and said ... and he was laughing and he told me that he ..." She let out a sob. "He said... he said that he knew all the 'fun' my father and I used to have. And that... that the family would split up if I told... and that it would ruin Rachel and ... I... I owed him." Shelby felt her blood run cold. She watched as through Quinn's eyes as she was brought back to that moment. Quinn let out a sob. "He um... he ... said, 'I will fuck you like your Daddy did and he told me, ''You're a woman. I can't wait to feel you. Rachel struggled and cried too much and didn't even get wet.'"

Shelby felt bile rise in her throat at the words and of the image of that man confronting Quinn like that.

She let out a sob. "He told me to bend over like the slut I was and that... that h-h-he can give it to me rough." She shook her head and looked at her mother. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Thank you, Quinn," Alicia said. "That's all."

Felix stood up and buttoned his jacket. "Do you need to take a break?" he asked with a smirk.

"No," she said wiping her tears. "I'm fine."

"Only if you're sure," he said.

Shelby stared at her daughter; her whole body was frozen. Look at me, Quinn, she begged herself. Don't close off. Look over here. She didn't.

"Quinn, do you have a good relationship with your sister?" Felix asked casually.

"Yes, Rachel and Santana and I are very close," she said.

"I mean your actual sister," Felix said. "What is your relationship with her?"

"Objection! relevance?"

"Withdrawn," Felix stated.

"Do you know a Finn Hudson?" Felix asked.

"Objection!" Alicia called.

"I agree, Mr. Duncan," the judge said with annoyance.

"I have a point your honor."

"I suggest that you get to it. She is a witness and she it not on trial. Tread lightly," the judge said curtly.

"Do you know Finn Hudson?"

"Yes," Quinn said as she visibly swallowed.

"Are you aware that he told this court earlier today that you told him he was the father of your child when in fact he wasn't?"

"Objection!" Alicia scolded. "This is a completely other matter."

"I want to credit her as a witness. She is making a series of accusations against my client," Felix stated.

"She is not on trial here, Mr. Duncan. But I will allow a little leeway, please answer the question, Quinn."

"Yes," Quinn stated.

"Did you and Mr. Hudson have a sexual relationship?"

"Yes," Quinn whispered.

"Was sex between you and Finn Hudson consensual?"

Quinn chewed her lip. "Yes."

"Mr. Hudson told this courtroom this morning that it was you that initiated the sexual relationship between the two of you - is that correct"?

"Objection" Alicia interrupted. "She already admitted it was consensual"

"Just want to show the court a pattern, however I will withdraw the question"

"Is it true that you asked Mr. Schuester for sex?"

"What? No! I never asked him for sex!" she said shaking with emotion. "He came after me?"

"So you're saying that Mr. Schuester's claims that you asked him for sex and then he turned you away, aren't true?"

"I didn't ask him for sex!" she practically screamed.

"Do you feel like Mr. Schuester wronged you?"

"Yes, he hurt Rachel..."

"Did you ever want to seek revenge?" he asked.

"Objection!" Alicia added.

"The jury will disregard the statement."

"You said that you love Rachel very much," Felix continued. "Do you love her enough to lie for her?"

"Objection," Alicia called out. "She was sworn in. She is well aware of the gravity of perjury."

The judge put her hand up. "Mr. Duncan, ask her specifically about the case, please."

"Where were you supposed to be that day in question?"

Shelby watched as Quinn bit her lip with a frown. "I had Cheerios practice at the school."

"Really? We have a statement here from your therapist stating that you had an appointment with her at the time of the alleged incident. Were you supposed to be at the appointment Quinn?"

"Yes, but ... it was the beginning and I couldn't be there... I .. " She looked at Shelby. "I'm sorry." Their eyes connected across the room. "I called a friend for a ride."

"I see," Felix said with a nod. "Can you tell me about your relationship with Rachel?"

"She's my sister," Quinn said straightening her back.

"You stated that you loved her. Like a sister do you love her?"

"Yes!" Quinn said with a frown.

"How do you know what kind of underwear Rachel wears?"

"What?" Quinn asked. She felt her stomach drop.

"You stated that you went into Mr. Schuester's office and you saw Rachel's underwear. How did you know it was hers?"

Quinn shook her head as tears ran down her face. "What are you saying? I wouldn't never hurt her like that?"

"I'm just asking you how you knew it was hers. Had you seen it before?"

"I help my mom with the laundry," Quinn said with a tiny sob.

"Is it correct that you and Rachel had a car accident after this alleged incident? How did that happen?"

"I found her in the locker room. She was scared and bleeding and she just wanted to leave. I thought.. I would drive her in my brother's car for a bit and then bring her there. She needed to feel safe."

"She was hurt and you didn't get her help?"

"No... she ... yes... she was scared..." Quinn said as her breathing became more deeply. "I knew what that was like!"

"Knew what what was like?"

Quinn looked at Alicia in desperation. "I ... I felt like that. Like I needed to get away after times with my ... with my father."

"Would you say that Rachel looks up to you?"

"Yes," she replied.

"You had an issue of bullying at school correct?"

"Yes, but I-"

"Can you tell the court who Jeannie Marks is?" Felix pushed.

"She's a girl that was teasing Rachel. I went and played dodgeball with her at the school..."

"And gave her a black eye?"

Quinn attempted to form words but couldn't. "I didn't mean to hurt Jeannie like that."

"Like you didn't mean to hurt Rachel?"

"I never hurt her," Quinn growled. "She's been through so much. I was just trying my best! I didn't hurt her!"

"I'm not saying that you did, Quinn," Felix stated. "You're in transition. You're a girl who has had a long history of abuse. You may have never intended on it."

"Objection, is there a question?" Alicia asked.

"You never got angry at Rachel? Your school record shows that you had a history of some anger issues."

"He did this. He pushed her. I didn't!" She looked at her mother. "I didn't! "

Quinn tried to hold back her tears. She tried to hold back her heartbreak in her entire being. She closed her eyes and remembered what it was like to be under her father. She remembered what it was like to wish for it to end. she couldn't imagine Rachel sobbing underneath her wishing to be safe somewhere else. Was that what people thought of her? Was that what people believed? Quinn suddenly jerked forward and heaved into the barrel close to the witness stand. This was all too much for her.

"Your honor, I request a recess," Alicia called.

"I see that we need one," he said. "I reserve the right to ask her questions later but I'm finished for today."

The judge turned to Quinn. "You're dismissed."

Quinn slowly stood from her seat. She felt like her life was falling apart and her body was going with her. She couldn't see straight. She couldn't breathe. She saw Shelby staring at her. She felt her entire body race toward her as fast as her legs could carry her.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed as Shelby pulled her into her arms. "I promise. I didn't touch her. I didn't. You have to believe me."

"Quinn, you have nothing to be sorry about," Shelby whispered softly. "Let's get you home."

Shelby felt the girl's body against her. Her entire body was on fire. She closed her eyes hating herself for hoping that it was only the stress of the trial.

...

Santana pulled on her clean sweats. She was pretty sure her grandmother took the time to iron it, but she didn't care. She looked at her closet and spotted her dress pant hanging. She made her way slowly to the closet. maybe she could somehow get dressed instead to go to court and her mother would see she was better.

"You feel any better?" a voice asked before she made her way to the closet.

She looked up at the doorway. "What are you doing here?" Santana asked with a deep frown. "You're supposed to be at the trial."

Bear smiled. "I want to be here." He leaned out and felt Santana's forehead. "Still pretty warm. You should get back to bed."

"No," I have to find Rachel," she said with determination.

"Santana, you need to rest," he pushed.

"I'll rest when I'm dead," she said with a push.

"Well, that'll be soon if you don't get back in bed," Noah said from the door.

"Ugh!" she groaned. "I need my sister!" She she began to breathe heavily.

"Sanny?" Rachel peeked in behind her uncle.

Santana calmed at the sight of Rachel.

"Look," the tiny girl said as she smoothed out her dress pants. "I'm wearing pants like yours."

She smiled. "I see that."

"I ... I realized that I can have you with me," she whispered as she leaned back into her uncle and put her hand in her pocket. "I don't have to be alone."

"Yeah?" Santana asked trying not to become emotional.

"Look," Rachel whispered holding out her palm. In her palm were the plastic beads that Santana had given Rachel so long ago. Somehow they were still on the same plastic gimp that Santana had made it on. "It's too small for my wrist now though," she said thoughtfully as she thumbed the beads. "But I can still hold them..." She gave a gentle smile. "They're... they're still magic right?"

Santana wasn't sure if Rachel was being serious about the magic since apparently she was still a child who believed that wild foxes could be real pets.

"Yeah," Santana whispered as Rachel neared her and climbed onto Santana's bed. Santana looked down at the beads with a smile. "I remember making that," she whispered as she wrapped her arm around her.

"Did you make it just for me? You did right?" Rachel asked.

"Sort of," Santana said. "I made it during art at school... and I was wearing it that day... in the elevator when .. um... when Dad died," she finished with a whisper. "I just didn't want to take it off... " Santana could feel her brother and her uncle watching her carefully. It all hurt too much. "Then you were scared one night. Remember?"

Rachel nodded but then shook her head. "Not really."

"And ... I told you the beads were magic...And each one was special..." Santana said getting lost in the memory. It was after Hiram had brought Rachel back from a 'changing.'

"What did they mean?"

Santana looked at her. She honestly didn't remember. "I..." she stared down at the bracelet intently. "I ... think I ... " She was going to lie. She was going to say something that wasn't true to fill that void. She met Rachel's eyes. She felt her stomach bottom out and her uncle planted a trash can in front of her just in time and picked Rachel up and handed her to Noah. "I'm sorry, Rach," Santana said into the barrel.

"It's okay," Rachel called as Noah carried her down the stairs.

Noah sat them on the couch downstairs with a sigh. Rachel continued to stare down at the beads in her hand. "I ... I'm going to be just fine," Rachel said with a nod. "I'm going to be just fine. It's going to be easy. I have my magic beads and they're going help me and it's going to be great."

"Rach, it's okay to be scared," Noah said softly.

"I'm not," Rachel said as she looked at her brother. "I'm not scared. Santana will be with me and Mumma will be there."

"Rach," Noah said again, unsure of this fearless girl next to him.

"I'm going to be just fine," she said again. "Fine. I'm brave and I can do this."

"I know you can," he said kindly. "I'm scared though."

Her face fell. "You don't think I can do it?"

"I know you can, but -"

"But nothing," Rachel smiled. "I'm going to come home and I'll be fine. Just fine."

...

Michael put the car in park and glanced back at Shelby in the backseat. The entire ride had been silent. Shelby looked at Quinn as they pulled into the garage. She hasn't said a word or loosened her grip on Shelby's hand since they left.

Shelby was scared. She was scared because simply from her line of work she knew that Quinn could have been triggered by a number of things in the courtroom. The girl was now trying to sift through her feelings to find a meaning or explanation. And on top of all that the girl was burning up.

"Quinn?"

The girl still didn't look up.

"Sweetheart?" Shelby said again.

Nothing.

"Honey, we need to get you inside and in bed. I want to take your temp."

Nothing.

"Quinn," she said again. Shelby attempted to pull her hand away but the girl held her with an iron grip.

"Don't leave me," she whispered.

Shelby watched as the color drained from Quinn's face. "Dad, grab me a bucket!"

Somehow after two daughters and six grandchildren, Michael was able to move fast enough to get the bucket and open Quinn's door so that the girl hurled into the bucket. Twenty minutes, two Tylenol, a change of clothes and a gentle backrub latter, Quinn was asleep. However, Quinn hadn't let go of Shelby's hand the whole time. It was starting. She wasn't sure exactly what, but Shelby knew that the were barely holding on.

"Day by day, Shel, hour by hour. We'll be okay," a voice said behind her.

She looked up and her father was standing there. "We can do this."

Shelby shook her head with a heavy sigh. "God, I hope so."

"Mumma?"

...

Rachel held her mother's hand as she was guided into the courtroom. Her mother had been nervous since she came home, but she was pretending not to be. She looked like she might cry and yell all at the same time. Rachel was determined to get through this day without her mother shedding a single tear. Her mother already looked sad. She didn't want to make her mother cry. She was going to be strong and perfect and the best.

However, the same time her heart was beating too fast in her chest that she was scared it would fall out of her mouth, even though she knew that wasn't physically possible. Shelby leaned down in front of her and pulled gently at Rachel's shirt.

"You look beautiful, bug," she whispered.

"Really?" Rachel asked feeling a twist in her stomach. "I was hoping that I didn't."

Her mother paused and stared at her. She watched as her mother swallowed and took a deep breath before speaking. Did her mother know that she just didn't want him to think she was pretty. She bit her lip, maybe she should explain it.

"I just... don't want to be pretty for him," she whispered.

"I know," shelby said softly. "I'll be there with you the whole time, Rachel. I won't let anything bad happen to you."

"Will he be in there?" Rachel asked.

"Yes, bug. I've told you that he will be, but he won't get near you," she said for the millionth time in the past few days.

"Kay," she mumbled.

"We're ready."

Rachel felt her mother take a step toward the courtroom but Rachel didn't follow. She was frozen. She felt her mother return to her.

"I'm scared," Rachel whispered with her head bowed.

"That's okay," Shelby replied. "Are you ready? Or do you need more time."

Rachel frowned but nodded her head as she looked up and stared ahead blankly. She stood up slightly. "I can do this. It'll be easy and... I'll be fine."

Shelby frowned. Rachel's emotions from the beginning of the day to this moment had been so worrisome.

"Rachel, it's okay to be scared. I'm scared now. We will get through this-"

"I'm fine," Rachel smiled a smile that didn't even meet her eyes. The smile barely extended past her lips. "I'm ready," she told the officer and she walked ahead of Shelby before she could stop her.

Rachel passed the table where he sat at and couldn't help but stare at him. She felt a shiver run through her. All of the strength that she just thought she had, was now gone. She had thought that she could be strong for this, but she couldn't breathe. She couldn't think; she couldn't even tell if she was breathing anymore.

She sat down in her seat quietly.

"Please state your name for the record."

Rachel continued to stare at him.

"Please state your name for the record," Alicia said standing between the two.

Rachel seemed to snap out of her daze. "Rachel Barbra Corcoran," she said quietly into the microphone.

"I'm going to ask you some questions, Rachel, okay?" Rachel gave a tiny nod.

"How long have you known Mr. Schuester?"

Rachel couldn't look away from him. There was something about him. She just couldn't look away.

"Rachel?" Alicia asked gently as she moved closer to the girl.

Rachel jumped at Alicia's presence. "W-wh-what?"

"How long have you known Mr. Schuester?" she asked again more gently.

Rachel shrugged. "Um... a few years... but I never really talked to him... he taught at my brother and sister's he and my Mumma went to high school together." Her eyes seemed to drive back toward him and was looking at her. Right at her. She felt as if they were the only ones in the room and it scared it. Her heart almost stopped.

"Rachel?" her view was suddenly blocked by the attorney. "Rachel, did you start taking voice lessons from him this year?" She continued to stare at him.

"Rachel?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Can you speak up a little louder please? I'm sorry we need to make sure we can all hear you."

"Yes," she said more loudly.

"Can you tell me what kind of teacher he was with you?" Alicia asked.

"He scared me... but not at first..." she whispered as Alicia nodded encouragingly.

"How did he scare you?"

Rachel was looking down at her hands and her gaze snapped toward her mother. Shelby felt her heart clench . Rachel was staring at her in panic and Shelby knew her daughter well enough to know that she didn't want to be there anymore. She was changing her mind.

"I don't …. "

"You don't what?"

"I don't want to talk about it" she said quietly.

"Rachel, we need to talk about it," Alicia said trying not to look panicked.

"Why?" she asked quietly still looking toward his table.

"Because we need to keep you and the other girls safe."

"What other girls?"

"Objection!" The defense called out.

"Sustained. Stay on task please."

"Withdrawn," she said with a nod. "Rachel, there were two incidents that happen with Mr. Schuester?"

"Yes... where he took off my clothes... but there was another time in the bathroom where he put his hand on my back but I wasn't as scared then." Rachel thumbed the beads in her hand tightly as she tried her best to be brave.

"What happened with Mr. Schuester the day that Quinn dropped you off for your lesson, before you went to Florida?" Alicia asked.

Rachel looked at Alicia and then looked at Mr. Schuester and then back her mother.

"I ... um... he..."

"Okay," Alicia said. "Rachel do you recognize this?" She placed a bag of Rachel's dress near Rachel.

"That's my dress in a bag," she said simply.

The court room filled with tiny smirks of amusement.

"Do you remember when you wore it?" Rachel nodded. "I need you to answer, Rachel."

"Yes, I remember," she said quietly.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Alicia asked.

"I ... It got dirty..." she whispered.

"What does your dress have on it?" she asked.

"It's not my dress anymore," she said. "I gave it to the police..."

"Rachel, what's on the dress?" she asked gently.

"Sticky white stuff," she whispered squeezing the beads again.. "... It came from Mr. Schuester's ... um... his... penis..."

"Do you remember where it was on the dress?" Alicia asked more gently.

Rachel moved down lower in the chair. "It was on the inside... of my dress," she muttered.

"How did it get there?"

"...It was on my ... um... it was..."

"Can you point on this doll Rachel where it was on your body?" Alicia asked bringing a generic doll to the stand. Rachel pointed to the entire midsection of the doll

"... And then Mr. Schuester ... pulled my clothes on over it... and spilt coffee on it ... because it smelled."

"What did you do with the dress?" Alicia asked.

"I ... I hid it," she said looking at her mother.

"Why did you that, Rachel?"

"Because... because... I ... didn't want to ... do this..."

"Do what?"

"come to trial..." she said. "It's scary... and ... I could ... I could be okay... we were okay before it."

"What do you mean, Rachel?"

"When I was little..." Rachel whispered.

"Alright, Rachel. Thank you," Alicia said hurriedly. "Can you tell us why you felt scared and needed to hid it?"

"Because... Mr. Schuester told me my mom would go to jail and my sisters and brother and I would be separated... And I... I can't do that. I can't sleep without my sisters or my mom-"

"Okay..." Alicia started noticing the shift in the courtroom. "So you didn't tell anyone about that day?"

"No, but my mumma and my therapist thought something happened... or that I was remembering... and I... I did. I remembered being in the closet and on a bed and -"

"Okay, Rachel," Alicia said softly. Rachel's eyes continued to shift toward Mr. Schuester. Alicia was trying to stand between her but couldn't be there the whole time and Rachel was getting off track.

"Rachel, do you know who took you from dance class on the day of the car crash?"

Rachel nodded. "Mr. Schuester. He put a cloth over my mouth and said... um... he said...I was a good girl..." she whispered.

"Then what happened?"

"I don't want to talk about that," Rachel said.

"Rachel, we need to talk about it happened?"

"I was in the choir room... and ... I ... I was on the floor... and then..I wasn't... I don't want to say anymore..." Rachel said with tears in her eyes.

"We need you to talk about what happened in the choir room, Rachel," Alicia urged.

"Objection, your honor! Leading the witness," Felix called out.

"Enough," the judge said and turned to Rachel calmly and put on a more softer gaze. "Do you remember what happened that day, honey?"

Rachel just shook her head. Her whole body was shaking from what Shelby could see and she was yards away. She wanted to get up and run to her.

Alicia nodded. "I'm sorry, Rachel. Are you sure you have nothing else that you remember?"

Rachel just shook her head with a bodily hiccup.

"Let's have a fifteen minute recess," the judge stated. "You can go see your mom, sweetheart."

Rachel started to get up but before she was able to exit the witness stand she was in her mother's arms. Her exhausted mind didn't realize that Shelby's mind was just as scattered and Shelby was determined not to have Rachel pass by Mr. Schuester without her tiny girl in her arms. It took most of the fifteen minutes to calm Rachel down. She wasn't sobbing but her breaths were scattered. Shelby could feel the wheezing in Rachel's chest. This needed to be over as soon as possible. However, she knew more than ever that the worst had yet to happen.

"You're okay, bug," Shelby whispered. "Mumma is right over here. You're going to be just fine. You're doing so well. We're almost done."

The judge returned to the stand and Shelby felt like Rachel was removed from her arms too fast. What she hated most about it... was Rachel left her arms all on her own. She wanted her daughter to have her independence, but she could feel Rachel at war with herself. She knew as her mother and as a clinician that Rachel couldn't find a balance of everything that she was feeling. She was remembering not just the most recent trauma but all the traumas before. The fears and the anxiety was overwhelming. No amount of holding her for fifteen minutes would calm that. Shelby needed more time; Rachel needed more time.

"Hi, Rachel, my name is Felix Duncan. I'm going to talk with you." Rachel chewed her bottom lip as Felix went on. "Do you recognize my client?"

Rachel nodded. "Yes." Felix wasn't doing Rachel the service that Alicia did. Mr. Schuester was looking right at Rachel.

"He's your teacher?"

"He... he was... my voice teacher," she whispered.

"Rachel, can you tell me how long you've been seeing your therapist?"

"... Um... since ... since... a very long," she said... "Since I moved here to Lima when I was five."

"Can I ask you why you see her?"

"I ... I have ... anxiety...over... stuff," she struggles as Mr. Schuester's eyes didn't leave hers.

"What kinds of stuff?"

"When I was little... things happened and..."

"CAn you tell me about that supposed day in the choir room?"Felix asked.

"It happened," she said with a confused frown.

"Your testimony to the police stated that your sister, Santana, was there. Was she there?"

"Not in person... I saw her... I saw her like I saw my Papa Hiram," she whispered.

"You said you were on a bed. "Well, where were you Rachel? the floor or in the closet? You keep switching?"

"Which time?... I um..."

"We all need to be on the same page, Rachel. We're talking about the times that Mr. Schuester allegedly hurt you. Where were you?"

"Both times were in his office and … then there was that time in the bathroom but i didn't know it was bad."

Felix and Alicia exchanged a look that caused Shelby's stomach to drop. "The bathroom?" Felix asked.

"Objection!" Alicia called. "Badgering. We just went over this."

"I'm... I'm confused."

"Clearly," Felix mumbled. Alicia and the judge flashed him a look and he put up his hands in surrender. "Withdrawn."

Rachel head a fresh batch of tears running down her cheeks. "I don't... I don't remember how it happened."

"Why?" Felix asked aggressively.

"Because he made me remember other stuff!"

"Other stuff?" Felix asked changing to a softer tone.

"When I was little... I don't remember much of it... but I ... react to it... I-I-I get triggered," she said.

Felix nodded with a confident smile. "What do you remember from that time with Mr. Schuester in the choir room?"

"I ... I ... I don't..." Rachel looked up and with blurry vision looked at her mother. She didn't want to let her down. "It hurt... what Mr. Schuester did."

"Are you sure it was Mr. Schuester?"

Rachel frowned in confusion. "What? Who?"

"Your new sister Quinn," he said casually.

Rachel shook her head rapidly and she let out a sob. "She never did that! She never hurt me like that. He bent me over and ... made me... and it hurt... Quinn never hurt me! I promise!" she continues to cry with sob as she shook her head rapidly. "She never hurt me... he ... he did it... he did it!

"No further questions," Felix stated. "She's clearly upset."

"But you y-y-you didn't ask me what he said... he... he-"

"Sweetheart, we're finished," the judge stated.

Rachel looked at her mother and shook her head. She let out a sob. She had failed. Her mother was crying.

...

Shelby looked over Rachel. She had been silent ever since they returned from court. She didn't expect much but she expected something. She expected her to be clingy. She expected her to sob. Instead she was silent. She was barely responsive. Shelby picked her up to bring her inside but Rachel hadn't clung back. There was nothing. None of the Rachel she knew was in there.

Rachel had her back turned to the island. Shelby knew she couldn't push her. She sighed and set a sandwich in front of Rachel and kissed her forehead.

"Joey," she called as she walked toward the stairs.

Joey nodded and looked toward Rachel. "We'll be fine."

Shelby climbed the back stairs and ran into her mother who was carrying a bag. "Hi!" Helen said hurriedly. There was something wrong.

"What?" she asked. "What's going on?"

"Santana's fever broke but Quinn's fever has spiked... dangerously high. It's almost 104. She hasn't kept water down. I just got off the phone with Dr. Pierce. He wants us to bring her to the hospital now. I'm sorry... how was -"

"It was terrible. She's... she's not responding... she ...Neither of them are."

"Mom?" Santana peeked out of the room. "Where's Rach?"

"She's... she's downstairs, San. It was really hard... for both of them," she began, but before she could finish Santana was down the stairs.

Shelby walked quickly to Quinn's room to where Noah was helping her pull on a jacket.

"I don't want this," she whined. "I just ... I want to s-s-s-leep."

Shelby stepped forward. "Quinn, we have to take you to the hospital. Your fever is too high."

Quinn eyes lit up with joyful tears. "You're here," she sobbed hugging her weakly. "I'm here," Shelby whispered. "I'm here. I'm right here."

Quinn clung onto her with dear life but her grip was weak. "I woke up and you weren't here..."

"I'm sorry," she said gently. "We need to get you in the car and to the hospital."

"I c-c-can't," she said barely able to sit up straight. "I... I just want to stay with you..."

Shelby sighed. "You will, Quinn, but we're going to the hospital." She turned to Noah. "Bud, can you carry her downstairs please?"

Noah picked Quinn up easily. The girl could barely keep her eyes open to respond.

"MOM!" Santana yelled from downstairs.

Shelby kissed Quinn softly on the forehead. "I'll see you downstairs."

"Don't leave! Don't leave!" Quinn said weakly.

"I'll see you in thirty seconds, Quinn," Shelby said as she let her exhausted legs carry her down the stairs.

In the kitchen, the pots and the pans were emptied onto the floor which were normally in the cabinets. The removable organizational shelves were removed. Joey and Santana were looking at the cabinets with confusion and worry. Shelby let out a sigh and crouched on the balls of her feet. She could see Rachels' feet sticking out of the bottom of the cabinets.

"Bug, please come out," Shelby said.

Nothing.

"Rachel, sweetie, I have to go. Do you want to go with me? Quinn's fever is really high-"

Nothing.

"…. Okay, bug, you can stay here at the house, but we need you out of the cabinets. They're too small... and I need you out here. You can sit with Santana and watch a movie."

Nothing.

"Rach," Santana said desperately. "Bug, please come out. I can't come get you in there."

No response.

"Rachel," Shelby said more sternly. "You need to come now."

No movement no response. Shelby frowned with her hands on her hips. She looked at Joey. She needed to get Quinn to the hospital. She looked at Rachel's foot that was sticking out of the cabinet. It was shaking.

She knelt down immediately at the cabinet. "Santana, go get the neb!"

**Okay... here it is. Again. I'm not a lawyer. I'm sorry. I took an artistic license for some of this stuff. I'm sorry. I don't mean to offend, but that has been planned for awhile. I'm very nervous about how this chapter will be received. I have a long weekend. so the hope is to have the next chapter up sooner. ... PLEASE tell me what you think. **


	63. Chapter 63

Gleekalwaysand4eve – I am so glad you found this story! To answer your question, because of the dynamics there is no Quick – Puck and Quinn are only siblings and will remain only siblings. Thanks for the review.

Ellybelly07 – They seem to be back to the beginning but they are really not – they just have to change the way they cope because the way they learned has come back to haunt them instead of help them. You will see a little bit of who comes forward in the trial. I am sorry you wanted to see more of it but I am not a lawyer and I really cant pretend to be. Also, I wanted to focus on the actual effects that it had on the characters more than the actual daily grind of the trial. I never intended the girls to be in attendance of the trial either so it would have been hard to do it that way. The circles that the kids are going through hopefully will end soon but they will be dealing with this for most of their lives – its just how they deal with it will be different. Thank you for reviewing.

Brittanyismyunicorn – Thank you so much for your kind words. It was a very emotional chapter and Quinn and San and Rachel will all need each other to lean on. They are going to have a rough time but with the right therapy I am hoping all will come out ok. Thank you for the review.

RaneJizzoli – I am glad you caught up! It is a very tough read and I totally understand why people have to stop reading. These kids have been through a lot and it is extremely emotional. I am glad that you enjoyed it. Thank you for reviewing.

Asmodeus Poisonteeth – Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to me. It is a very hard read and I understand it. It is sometimes very draining to write but it I also want to make it as real as possible. Thank you for the review, they are always appreciated.

NinjaGleek21 – sorry to leave you panicking. The lawyer does need to go in the box but unfortunately – there are lawyers that are very cold old there. I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for the review and the cookie!

Guest – This story is filled with plenty of angst and I don't see it dying down too much yet. Thanks for sticking with it and thanks for the review.

IloveDiannaAgron – it is hard to read and I appreciate you reading it but if it is too tough for you I completely understand. Thank you for trying and I appreciate your honesty.

1moredreamer –no problem - I love that you took the time to review. I always appreciate it. Quinn's testimony was brutal and her lies did not help her but she is finally through it. Rachel and Quinn are in the hospital together. Its kind of a tough time again for the girls. I love how much you review and I love that you registered. Thanks so much Renata.

Scout88 –I have to say I got confused at the review at first and then I saw the chapter you reviewed. So I get it. Shelby is going to have her hands full. I hope you like how she handled it. Quinn's testimony was hard but it was unfortunately expected. The programs that they have to go in are intense but they are necessary. Thank you for reviewing I loved it and I am glad you liked the chapter.

Amazed – I am not a lawyer so I don't know the answer myself but I believe they would make Quinn testify with him there but Rachel may not have had to in real life. But I do know that if she didn't then it could be a chance that if he is convicted he could appeal it so I went with what I thought was best. Thank you for reviewing.

Walkingonthunder – I was taken back by your review until I noticed what chapter it was for. Thank you so much for reviewing and putting this story as one of your favorites.

Jess – Thank you so much – I love my readers and reviewers.

krazyy989 – Lawyers will spin it anyway to make their clinics look better and Quinn unfortunately lied so as tough as it was on her – it was expected. And we will probably not see Mr. Schue testifying. Thanks for the review.

Guest - I am glad you like it. I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for the review.

thelastcenturian – I want to do more than punch them in the faces but we will see what happens to them. Thanks for the review.

Cookie07 – the girls have a lot of work ahead of them and they will need everyone in their corner especially Noah. Thank you so much for reviewing all the time I really do appreciate it.

OTHangels – THANK YOU

marinka4 – I think you meant Felix and my answer is not soon enough! Thanks for the review.

Sarah11650 –My favorite character changes so sometimes I really love Santana, many times I love Rachel but I also love Shelby, Noah and Quinn. However, my beta loves Quinn so she helps me with her. Neither girl would ever become an abuser even though that is a fear for people. Just not in my story. I can't even discuss what a poor portrayal of Shelby the show did - it was horrendous. Never worry about your review length - I love it - thank you for taking th time.

Ryoko05 – Thank you for your reviews. I am so glad you enjoyed it and to be honest I feel Shelby's panic too.

BMontague - Thank you first and foremost for your review and honesty. While I'm not well-versed in the the law aspects of it, I do work in the system. I understand your frustration, but again at the end of the day this is the story and what I was focusing on was the revictimization and the redirection of blame of the girls, which is an action that I see frequently. In terms of working with the system, there is such a plethora of players that so frequently things go "wrong." Someone drops the ball and the domino effect continues. I understand the frustration, but I didn't bring Alicia in expecting her to be the best lawyer nor did I characterize Felix to be a lawyer who knew to have his ducks all in line. I very much recognize that my law background is lacking, but I am pretty well-versed in dealing with children and trauma. The girls haven't received the care that they need because of Shelby in a way. Yes, Shelby babies the girls. This is something that I put in place since the beginning. Next chapter really focuses on that. While Shelby has been a very gentle mother with the kids, she ultimately is an enabler who has not been open to services outside of the family, which is something I deal with on a daily basis. Not all kids are the same. I have almost 80 children on my own case load right now and they're all different. A huge point of this trial was to demonstrate that what has happened since the trauma in New York has not been properly dealt with. That's why the wounds were opened so easily. I'm not trying to demonstrate in this story how families "should" cope but instead how their process of coping occurs so often is. If all the players in each of our professions did the best that they could and advocate for the same thing, our jobs would be much easier. I really appreciate your words and I am also grateful for your frustration. This story is one of many. It's certainly not perfect. Thank you for taking the time to write this and read it! I really appreciate it!

Look4me - Sorry you are so annoyed by Rachel. You have always told me that you didn't like her. I respect and appreciate that you took the time to share your opinion. Her characterization is consistent with children I have worked with. Some people find them annoying and overwhelming too, and consequently is why they've been in different placements. She's supposed to be annoying and clinging, and I can understand why that's frustrating for you to read. Thank you for letting me know that this chapter was a struggle for you to read. I appreciated you taking the time to read the story for this long. However, if you are not a fan of Rachel, the story may continue to be more frustrating for you. I respect and affirm your wish not to read it. It means a lot that you've stuck by it for this long. I know that you used to enjoy it, especially based on the incredible script that you wrote. :) I'm sorry it has become a source of annoyance. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and concerns!

**Thank you all for your overwhelming response. I am so grateful. there are no words for my gratitude. This is a much shorter chapter than anticipated. I kinda of split what had planned into two parts. **

Shelby looked over her shoulder and watched her mother was zipping up a duffle of clothes and whatever things her mother believed that they needed. How was she calm? How was she prepared and Shelby felt like she was about to be pushed off of the edge?

"Shelby, I just took Quinn's temp again," Helen said with a bit of urgency but still calm. She was direct and focused. "It's 104.3. We have to go. Do you want to meet us there?"

Shelby felt her chest tighten. She had to go. She had to leave but she couldn't leave Rachel, but she couldn't fight with Rachel. She peeked into the cabinet. She needed to see Rachel's face and to make sure that she was okay. She knew she saw Rachel's food shaking. Maybe she just needed to be on the nebulizer. She would leave her and take Quinn to the hospital, but she had an aching feeling in her gut. She couldn't.

"I need to pull her out," she said to her father and brother-in-law. She felt a sinking feeling in her gut.

Santana looked at her with big eyes. "Mom," she said worriedly. She hadn't moved from her spot yet.

"Santana, go and get the nebulizer please and grab a coat," Shelby ordered and her eldest daughter finally found her feet and ran up the backstairs.

Shelby exchanged a look with her father. She wasn't sure what she was saying but she was concerned and she felt like they were on the edge of a precipice and they would either all off the edge or learn how to step back. She peeked into the cabinet. She could hear Rachel wheezing heavily. She could see her chest rising and falling with heaviness. It was dark in the cabinet but she could see her eyes were trained to the floor. She wasn't there. It wasn't that Rachel wasn't listening but she couldn't hear them.

Shelby pulled her head out. "Call 911. We need an ambulance for both of them."

Bear nodded and began to dial. Santana raced back into the kitchen. "I have it," she said breathlessly.

"Plug it in," she said to her daughter before turning to her father. "Help me get her out." She reached into the small space and bent Rachel down so not to hit her head. She wasn't sure how Rachel managed to climb into this cabinet in the least. She was expecting a struggle but got none. She pulled Rachel out as her father supported her head and attempted move the pots and pans too. She took the mask for Santana and the nebulizer was turned on. Rachel still didn't push it away. Her eyes were unfocused in front of her and her face was red and her body was trembling but was otherwise unresponsive

"What's happening?" Santana asked with worry. "Rachel, look at me." The girl didn't respond. "Rachel!"

"Santana, yelling at her won't help," Shelby said as she shifted the girl in her arms. "She's... she's not here... we're going to take her to the hospital."

A small cry from behind her interrupted as Noah emerged with Quinn in his arms. "Ready?" He saw Rachel and the floor. "What happened?"

"No," Shelby said. "Set her down on the window seat, Noah. We called an ambulance."

Quinn whined and pushed at Noah. "I want to be in my bed. Where's Mom?" she said pushing at Noah as he set her down.

"I'm right here, Quinn," Shelby said unsure of this new left of clinginess that Quinn was demonstrating.

Shelby watched as her two eldest children exchanged a look. Santana looked at her with regret. "I should have been there," the sixteen year old said said. "I should have been there."

Shelby looked down at Rachel and saw that her gaze was still absent underneath. She was also burning up. Shelby gave a shaky sigh. She reached a hand out to call for her mother.

"I got it," Santana said quickly before Shelby could even verbalize what she was saying. Santana told her grandmother she needed the thermometer.

Joey was trying to talk quietly to Quinn who was only moaning and pushing her away and trying to peel off her clothes. Shelby called out to her just as Santana returned with the thermometer.

Shelby took the thermometer from Santana and allowed Santana to take Rachel who was still unresponsive underneath the mask. Santana gave her a relieved look grateful to hold her but then felt her heart plummet as Santana saw that her presence didn't make a difference in Rachel's reaction. Shelby took her temperature and the girl didn't move a muscle. She frowned at the result. Damn it. where was that damn ambulance?

"How high is it?" Bear asked as he brought the kid's coats in.

"103," she said with a sigh.

"Mine wasn't that high, was it?" Santana asked.

"No, it wasn't," Shelby said. Her attention shifted back to the window as Quinn was struggling to unbutton her jacket. She went to her and knelt by her, thankful as she heard the ambulance in the distance. "Quinn, calm down. I'm right here. calm down."

Quinn's eyes lit up and she settled. "I'm just... I'm hot... can I go back to bed. Please? Please?"

"No, honey," Shelby said as she heard her father greet the EMTs at the door.

Just as she turned she heard Rachel heave under the mask. The little girl threw up and coughed underneath the mask just as she the EMTS came in and shouted instructions about sitting Rachel up and removing the mask so that she didn't choke, only to discover that Rachel was still unresponsive, which was even more concerning. Shelby saw another ambulance show up grateful that her brother in law was able to convey that they needed help for both girls.

"We need to head to the hospital with her," Rachel's EMT said as Santana tried to simultaneously wipe off the vomit and follow them.

"We're going to start an IV with her," the male EMT said pointing to Quinn.

"I'm coming," Santana said. "Let me just change."

"We need an adult," a young EMT said.

"I'll go," Helen stated.

"Rachel doesn't have a kidney," Shelby stated. "Quinn doesn't have a spleen and both have been fighting this flu for a day or so. Right? Quinn's fever spiked this afternoon. I'll ride with her."

"I'm coming too," Santana said urgently.

""I'll take you and Noah, San," Joey said. "Go change, San. Hurry."

Santana looked at Rachel as her mother started talk more to the EMTs about the issues. She felt a breath of panic.

"Santana," Bear said stepping in front of her. "Look at me. Go get changed. They'll be okay. Okay? Go get changed."

Santana gave a shaky nod and made her way up the stairs as the girls left the house on stretchers.

...

Shelby could barely register what had just happened. She couldn't hear the words that were being told her her. She was just thankful that Quinn was still holding her hand. The squeeze wasn't tight but it was still there. The sickly girl was still with her.

"I'm going to put an IV in," Shelby barely heard the EMT. Quinn just looked at Shelby with a exhausted frown. her brow barely flinched when the needle when in.

"Are we going home?" Quinn asked quietly.

"No," she said quietly as they went over a bump and Shelby bounced. She gave her a soft smile.

"She may be delusional and that's expected," the EMT said softly.

Shelby gave a panicked grimace trying her best to keep her game face on. However, in her heart of hearts she knew this was bad and what was worst is that she knew it was not going to improve. The ambulance came to an abrupt stop and barely a second later the door opened.

"What do we have?"

"Sixteen year old female. Temperature is 104 and rising. She's starting to be delusional. She recently had her spleen removed. Page Dr. Pierce. He know's they're coming in."

"They?" the ER doctor asked just as the other ambulance came in.

"We called in the other ambulance," the EMT said with a frown of confusion.

Shelby looked over as her mother climbed out behind Rachel stretcher and they exchanged a worried look.

"Eleven year old female. She's been unresponsive for the last seven minutes. She had very labored breathing. When we were on scene, she vomited in her breathing mask of her nebulizer."

Shelby scoured the area. While Quinn was weakly still trying to hold her hand, Rachel wasn't moving. Her eyes weren't open and there were doctors talking about them around her. She wasn't there.

"Shelby!" she snapped into action and look at her mother in front of her and a young intern in front of her. "We need to know their history."

"Um..."Shelby managed as doctors swarmed the girls.

Quinn let out a weak, but panicked moan when the doctors began a central line while simultaneously undressing her and changing her into a gown.

"Wait," Shelby said. The doctors looked at her. "She's... she's sensitive and..."

"Shelby," Dr. Pierce said coming behind her. "We have it from here."

"I ... I um... " Shelby watched as the nurses and interns tried to calm Quinn down. She tried to reach forward but felt her mother's hand on her arm.

"Shelby, let them do their work," Helen urged.

"They... they both testified today, Tom," Shelby said making eye contact. The doctor paused and met her eyes. Her voice lowered. "It didn't go well..."

He gave a stiff nod. "Let me have some time with them. You know you can't be in here," he pushed.

"Tom, I need them to be okay," she urged.

"Shelby, I know," he said. "You know I will do my very best. I love them too."

"I can't..." she muttered, but she trailed off as she looked over at Rachel.

Rachel wasn't moving. or making a noise. The nurses spoke gently to her as she stripped Rachel out of her clothes and into a gown. Shelby felt a surge of panic just in time to hear a nurse by Quinn ring out in a panicked tone.

"We need to cool her down, Dr. Pierce. She's burning up," she urged again.

Shelby looked at her mother with a deep breath and worry as she looked down again at Rachel.

"Her fever is 103, Dr. Pierce," an intern next to Rachel said.

"Start her on an IV and get her on a monitor and the nebulizer," he said from near Quinn as he nodded at a resident to tend to Rachel.

Shelby looked at Rachel with a weak smile. "Rachel, honey, look at me," she whispered. She waited for Rachel too look at her. She received nothing. "Rachel?"

"Shelby, let's get out of their way," Helen said.

"Shelby, you need to leave," Tom said.

Shelby was frozen. "Rachel, look at me," she urged. She didn't get anything in return. Not even a glance. Rachel was just continued to silently breathe was heaved breaths. "Rachel, it's Mumma. Look at me." She said more sharply, cupping her face gently.

Nothing.

Shelby felt a punch in her stomach. She felt her body stiffen and lose its feeling as she was led away from the girls. What was happening?

...

Santana paced through her room then across the hall to Rachels and then back into Quinn's. What was she forgetting? She had George. She had their clothes and Quinn's favorite book and Rachel's iPod. She just needed that one last thing. What was it?"

"Santana, we need to go," Joey said.

"I can't forget anything!" she snapped.

"Hey," Joey said. "We can come back. Okay?"

"I know that!" she hissed again. "But they need this stuff. Let me think."

"San," Noah attempted. "Calm down."

"Shut up!" she said breathing heavily. "Let me think!"

She closed her eyes what was she forgetting?

The lamb.

"Okay, she said after running and retrieving it. I got it," she said after a moment.

"We're not going to turn around, San," Joey said as she pulled on her coat for a millionth time.

Santana rummaged through her bag. "I think I have everything."

She looked over at her uncle and her grandfather. Her grandfather was on the phone and shaking his head.

"What's wrong?" Santana asked. She looked at her aunt. "What's wrong?"

Michael caught his granddaughter's eyes and gave a small shake of his head and walked away for a moment, trying to demonstrate that he needed a few minutes while he finished on the phone.

"Who is he talking to?" Santana asked with worry.

"Hey," Noah said looking at Santana. "He'll tell us, alright? Don't freak out just yet."

"How can you not freak out?" she hollered.

Michael hung up the phone and walked over to the family. He tried his best to put on his gentle smile. He needed to get his family to the hospital. "Are we ready to go?"

"What's happening?" Santana asked with an urgent voice.

"Santana, we'll talk about it later," he said as he opened the door toward the garage. He couldn't focus on that. he couldn't look at Santana. He couldn't be reminded of how broken things were. He needed to focus on the little things, like getting out the door. They had to get in the car and get to the hospital.

"No, now!" she said with a deep set frown and desperation masked by aggressive . "I need to know!"

Michael's calm demeanor broke as he slammed the door. "No, Santana!"

"Dad," Joey said with unsure eyes.

"Santana, you cannot get what you want! We will tell you things when the time is right!"

"Michael," Bear urged. "Take a breath."

"Santana, I love you and you know that," Michael said; his voice now calmer. "But you're old enough not to yell and demand. I'm sorry I yelled, but I'm not sorry for what I said."

"Hey, back off," Noah said as he stepped forward and watched Santana look at the floor for support.

"Let's go," he said with a heavy sigh. "Come on."

Santana remained silent and slipped on her coat. Noah couldn't read her. He didn't know what to say and he didn't know what she was thinking.

"You okay?" Joey asked.

"I'm fine," she said shortly. "He's right," she continued with a whisper. "Let's just go, okay?"

Noah watched her for a moment and soaked in her features. He knew she was thinking miles a minute. He remembered one thing that slowed her down when she was little. He didn't know if she would respond to it in the same way but it was worth a try. It had been his first memory of his sister and it never failed no matter how much they fighted. Even though rarely they admitted to needing it.

_Noah narrowed his eyes and looked through the crib bars. Santana was sleeping with her butt up in the air. She looked dumb. She was so loud when she was awake. She was certainly fun to play with when she was awake...but she slept a lot. She would get tired really fast... and hmmm... Should he wake her up? _

"_Noah, son, what are you doing in here." _

_Noah turned with a frown and look at his father. He wasn't sure what to say. _

"_Come here, bud," he said as he rested his hand on his shoulder. "Let's let San sleep." _

"_No, I think she's slept enough," he said casually. _

"_She's not even two yet, pal, you wore her out," Leroy laughed. _

_Santana fussed in the crib and stirred. _

"_Shhhh, Dad," Noah said as he reached his hand into the crib. "Sleep, San." Noah's voice was loud and Santana looked at him with a glare. "She's mad." _

"_She's not mad, Noah, she's just... tired... like when we wake you up." _

_Noah nodded in awe finally understanding. Santana continued to pout. _

"_Let's just let her sleep, Noah," Leroy said trying to lead him out of the room. _

"_Sleep, San," Noah said as he put his hand in the crib. Santana grabbed his fingers with hers and kept him from moving. She didn't sleep with a toy or a binkie or anything like that. Santana was...he couldn't remember the word that his mother used but it was long and sounded like a word they used on the day with fire works in the summer. ...inter... imper...independer...something. _

_Santana was snoring again. "Just pull your hand out, son," Leroy said quietly. _

"_No," Noah said loudly as he looked up quietly at his father. He lowered his voice into a loud whisper. "I want to stay here with her." _

Now over fourteen years later, they didn't touch as much. They didn't need it. Santana found that in Rachel, but Noah was her brother before Rachel. In his head, he knew their connection was greater that words or touch. They just understood each other.

Noah watched as Santana buttoned her jacket and continue to stare off ahead of her as her head pounded with anxious doubts. He reached out and took her hand before she could take a step. She looked with him with a tiny frown and then looked down at their joined hands. He gave her hand a little squeeze, and then a wink and a smile. She nodded and squeezed back.

...

Shelby took a breath for the third time.

"Shelby, please sit down," Helen said.

"I can't sit down. I need to ... I just can't, Mom," she said closing her eyes or the millionth time as she tried to get a picture of her family when they were happy and healthy. She squeezed her eyes shut. She needed some kind of solace. She needed something. She needed to feel whole again. She felt like her entire foundation had been ripped out from underneath her. It was a feeling that was all too familiar.

_She put her head in her hands. She didn't know where her children were. They were missing. She didn't know where they were. Her husband was dead and her children were gone. She was-_

"Shelby!"

She looked up and shook her head. So much of New York was now coming back in wave. She remembered the smells and the aches. She couldn't do this. She hated this. She didn't feel fully here. She felt stuck in cement in one place straddling the location between the two.

She looked up at her mother. "Yes?"

Tom Pierce look at her with a heavy, serious look. "It's a waiting game, Shelby. They're really sick. We had to start both of them on IVs. Quinn is awake, barely. I'm concerned because her fever is dangerously high. I think that the stress of the trial fought off the bug for a bit, but as soon as she finished testifying, that adrenaline the stress was causing."

"What does that mean?" Shelby said. "Dangerously high?"

"It means that we may have to try different alternatives to cooling her down since her body without a spleen might not be able to fight for itself," he said. "She's awake and talking. We need to keep her engaged. Sometimes with fevers this high there can be some hallucinations and other risks. We need to be with her through this. She's very sick and so is Rachel. As you know, she threw up on the way here. We put her on oxygen through a tube that goes through her nose. Her breathing is very erratic right now. We're going to do a breathing treatment every three hours-"

"Like her nebulizer?" Helen asked. Tom nodded. "She won't like that at all."

He gave a sympathetic nod. "That's my other concern. Rachel is not responding well."

"What do you mean?" Shelby asked.

"Quinn is able to give verbal responses when she's awake. Rachel is struggling. Psych may need to get involved. but until then we need to focus on getting her fever down and her breathing regular."

She stared at Tom. She didn't know what to say. She swallowed visibly, unsure if she was ready for an answer to her question. "What does that all mean?"

"They're stable, Shelby," he assured her. "But right now things can get worse or better at any moment. You have to prepare yourself for the long haul with these two. They are underweight and sick. I understand Noah and Santana had this. Brittany had it and I think got it from them, but my point is their bodies are healthy and are able to fight infections. Quinn and Rachel's aren't."

She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. "I need to know the worst case scenario, Tom.-"

"Shelby, we're not there yet and -"

"I'm there," she hissed. She put her hand on her chest. "I am THERE.-"

He moved closer to them." But medically, we're not there yet. I will be with you every step of the way. We need to keep the communication open. We're going to have nurses and interns in and out of there. My residents are great, just give us a chance to do our job. The girls will hate us, but we need to keep them away. If their fevers go up by a hundredth of a degree we'll know. I'm not going to continue with this worst scenario with you. it's not going to get us anywhere-"

"But I need them to make it through. I can't take anymore devastating surprises.-"

"Shelby, you need to focus and get some rest yourself because when they are better they are going to be their cranky selves again wanting to get out of this hospital," he said again. "I will take care of their medical needs. Let's take it day by day. We need to focus on getting their fevers down-"

"What if they don't go down?"

"I'm not playing that game with you, Shelby," he said quietly. He looked at Helen and then back at Shelby. "We need to focus on what we know and move forward."

Shelby looked down the hallway. "Can I see them? Please."

"We're just moving them now into a room down the hallway. I'm also moving in a few cots. We're a little tight for space with the regulations, but I figured you would need some room in there." She looked at him gratefully as he went on. "But until their fevers go down, we need to make sure that the girls have the beds to themselves. I don't want Santana or Noah in there with them."

Shelby nodded. "I'll tell them."

He started down the hallway and she felt strangely as she walked down. Her legs didn't even feel a part of her body. She realized they were in the pediatric wing as the animals on the wall seemed to pop out from the wall paper. She couldn't deal with either girl in those gowns. It was too much.

"I'm having them bring over some other pajamas for the girls. Can we change them?"

They turned another corner. "No, not yet."

Shelby sighed and didn't have time to wallow in her defeat as the door opened and she saw the girls. Quinn gave her a weak smile when she came in. Her eyes were half closed as exhaustion leaked from her pores. There was a nurse at each of the beds examining them.

"There ... you ... are," Quinn smiled weakly.

Shelby walked over between the let out a sob as she reached her out. "I want to go home. Please, Mom, please," she whispered. Shelby watched the nurses talk quietly to the doctor around the girls.

Shelby sat down. "You and Rachel need to stay here. These bags right here are giving your fluids that you need." She looked over at Rachel was heaving slightly even though oxygen tube was working.

Quinn let out another sob. "I want to go home," she said. "Please..."

Shelby shook her head tearfully. "I'm sorry, Q-bear. Not yet." She took Rachel's hand in hers only to have Rachel look away from her and only hold on.

"Quinn, you have to calm down. I'll be here the whole time. We can't leave until you're better." Shelby looked up as a nurses moved around the girls. They were taking their vitals and and talking quiet. "What's going on?" she asked quietly to the medical staff.

"We're going to give Rachel some steroids," a young intern said. "To help with her breathing. Dr. Pierce has ordered medicine for both of them that should also let them relax and calm down and -"

"Excuse me. I'm sorry," someone said hurriedly as they came into the room. "There's a situation in the waiting room."

"Oh... okay," the intern said awkwardly.

"Not you," the person at the door said. She pointed at Shelby. "You."

...

Santana couldn't stop thinking about how distant Rachel looked when she last saw her. She couldn't stop thinking about how Quinn was sweating so much she looked like she was getting out of the pool. It had come on fast with Santana had it but... it hadn't been this bad. She looked toward the doors leading back to the emergency room again. She hated that she was asked to wait; she hated even more that the request was more of a demand. She had no choice in it. She glared around the waiting room. The scent of the room felt like it was suffocating her. She hated the smell of this hospital. She hated all of the colors in the pediatric wing. She paced back and forth on the carpet. She hated the carpet. She hated all of this. She caught a glance of flowers on the counter at the nurse's station. She couldn't help but think about an altar with flowers. She squeezed her eyes shut with a shaky breath as she tried to push the thoughts out. Meanwhile, her attempts were met with flashes of dark, amber wood and then a flash of granite stone. She shook her head. She wasn't going to think about that.

"Santana, please sit down," Joey said again with a sigh. "I can see you're a little unsteady. You need to take care of you and-"

"I don't care," she barked with a shake of her head. "I want to be in there and -"

"Santana, you know that you might be in the way. we need to make sure that the girls are treated first and then you can get in there," Bear said. "You have to calm down." Santana opened to mouth to protest, but Bear went on. "This is overwhelming and it sucks. It's scary. I'm scared too, but we need to trust these doctors. You're panicking, and having you in the bed next to them won't help anyone," he said with a kind smile. "You need to breathe... We want to treat you like an want to let you know what's going on, but you need to try to stay calm. It's okay to be scared but it's not good to be scary."

Santana looked at her uncle with confusion. She glanced over at her brother who was staring back at the two of them with a confused, but mostly angry glint in his eyes.

"Well..." Santana began quietly. "How will you react?" Her tone was honest and vulnerable. She didn't know. She really didn't. She looked over at her brother for help but as she did her gaze paused.

The news was on the television in the waiting room.

"We're at the county courthouse. There was a new break later this afternoon. The DA confirmed that more witnesses were coming forward. The country has its eyes on Lima. This high school teacher has always been a resident of Lima and has been teaching for over a decade. As more victims come forward, the country can't help but wonder how many there are." The camera cut away and Suzy Pepper was walking in. The camera flashed again as a nameless woman began talking about how Schuester was her neighbor, but Santana narrowed her eyes as she watched Will Schuester's high school picture flash across the screen.

She wasn't in the hospital anymore. All she heard were her sisters' cries in her head. Those nights where Rachel whimpered in her sleep were amplified in her brain. She felt her shirt being gripped by Rachel. As she squeezed her eyes shut more, she felt the walls around her closing in as she thought more about being in the closet. She wasn't hearing the voices around her in the hospital. She was hearing what it was like nine years ago. She could feel the mugginess of the closet; she felt the clumsiness of her skin after not having a bath. She felt a pressure in her chest and a pounded in her head. She couldn't breathe at all.

They flashed Will's picture again on the screen. She couldn't hear anything but the memories echoing in her own head and she couldn't see anything but his smug face even as a young high schooler.

The television was mounted on the wall and Santana had no other goal but to make it all stop. She needed to silence the chaos in her brain and she was oblivious to the noise of her present reality.

….

Shelby rounded the corner just as she heard a crash, a break, and sporadic screams. She quickened her pace and walked into the waiting room in time to see a television on the floor and her daughter on her knees. Santana was breathing heavily as she sobbed and stared at her bloody and debris covered hands.

"What happened?" she asked rushing toward Santana. She called for a nurse anxiously.

Noah was behind Bear who had been holding him back. "Let her be," Shelby heard Bear urge as she walked forward. Noah glared at his uncle and then looked back at his sister who was sitting back on her heels on the floor. He was losing her. He watched as his mother knelt in front of her and talked to her gently as as Santana reacted and clung to her crying.

"I need to see them. I need to see her," Santana pleaded. "Please. She needs me. You know she needs me. You have to let me see her. She needs to know that I'm here. I'm here and I'm not there. I can't be locked out of there! I can't. I can't be. I'm ….. I'm here! I'm here!"

Noah's ears ached as Santana practically screamed through her sobs at their mother. His mother just hugged her and for the first time in years Noah saw his mother look lost, just as lost as he always felt. He paused as he remembered something from New York and after nine years, he really understood the depth of their meaning.

_He leaned back in his seat and threw the tennis ball at the man named Aiden and he threw it back. He didn't mind coming here because this man was the only grown up who let him throw a ball inside. His mom sometimes came too and she even played catch but for the most time it was just Noah and the man. _

"_So, did you think about what we talked about last week?" Aiden asked._

_Noah shrugged. Even though he was nine years old, Aiden always had him talk about feelings and things. He didn't know why he still needed to talk about it. _

"_Come on, Noah, you remember," Aiden laughed as he through the ball. "You're a very smart guy." _

_Noah shook his head. "No, I'm not. My sisters are smart. Not me." _

"_Why do you say that?" Aiden asked as he caught the ball that Noah threw. _

"_Because Santana always comes up for the plans for our secret missions and Rachel can color inside the lines... and she doesn't even talk," he shrugged and caught the ball throwing it back. _

"_I think you've come up with some great plans," Aiden said with a smile. _

_Noah rolled his eyes. "You give me compliments like my Nana. Yesterday, she told me I did good job not putting my shirt on inside out..." _

_Aiden grinned. "I still put my shirt on inside out. He turned his shoulder as he tossed the ball up in the air. Did I get it right side out today?" _

_Noah nodded and caught the tennis ball as Aiden through it. _

"_I can think of something that you do really well at coming up with plans too," Aiden said. can you think of plans that you've come up with?" _

_Noah hated these questions because they weren't really questions. Aiden knew the answers and Noah didn't... but Aiden still asked the questions. It was frustrating. _

"_Uh..." Noah threw the ball harder at Aiden hoping to throw him off, but the man still caught it. "I don't know." _

"_How about when you went to go get help?" Aiden asked. "Or when Rachel was hungry or thirsty you got her things to eat?" _

_Noah narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean? That wasn't a plan... a secret agent plan … she was hungry and she didn't... she didn't talk anymore so …. Sanny and I helped her. Mostly Sanny." _

"_Well, she needed you to help," Aiden said. _

_Noah shrugged and tossed the ball at him. "I didn't do anything special. I just did what I was taught." _

"_What were you taught?" Aiden asked. _

"_How to feed my sisters..." Noah said with a frown as if he had just said that. _

"_How though?" _

"_Santana had a thing of formula for Rachel...but … Rachel was too old for that... but it's all we had for her. He only brought home like a box of crackers for us.. but once he... brought home chicken nuggets... Santana and I had to eat them cold... but they weren't frozen anymore. They were melted." Noah shrugged. _

"_Do you think other kids know how to make a bottle or have to eat chicken nuggets like that?" Aiden asked carefully. _

_Noah frowned and thought for a moment. "...No, their moms and dads do it." He frowned and looked at his hands. "I remember what we talked about last week," he said suddenly. _

"_Yeah?" Aiden asked as he tossed him the ball. _

_Noah nodded. "My mom. You asked me about my mom."_

"_Do you remember what I asked you?" _

"_We talked about how I was mad during the visit that we had..." he said quietly. He knew it had been wrong. He hadn't meant to throw the ball that hard when they were playing catch a few weeks ago with his mom .. but he had. "I told her I was sorry. She 's not mad." _

_Aiden nodded. She's not. I know. Did you remember the question I asked you?" _

"_You asked if I was mad," Noah said with a frown. "I think so..." _

"_Were you mad at your mom?" _

_Noah thumbed the tennis ball in his hand. He was, he realized. He was mad. "Yes." _

"_Are you still mad at her?" Aiden asked. _

_Noah threw the ball to Aiden and thought for another moment. "I can't," he concluded._

"_Why not?" Aiden asked. _

"_She already said, she was sorry," he said simply. Didn't he see that? _

"_What did she say sorry for?" _

"_All of it... that she wasn't there with us... when my dad died," Noah said. _

"_Noah, can I ask you about the problem at school?" _

"_Where I pushed Kyle Montgomery?" _

_Aiden nodded. "You said sorry for that." _

_Noah nodded. "That was a long time ago." _

"_It was a couple weeks, yes. Remember when you told me you felt badly about hitting him?" _

"_I … I did... he was mean but... I still... I made him cry... and...it's not okay to hit..." _

_Do your remember what you said?" _

_Noah frowned as he tried to remember what he said and tried to figure out which part Aiden wanted to hear. He looked up realizing it. "You mean about the part where I didn't want to hit like Hiram? I don't... I don't hit people I like..." _

"_Do you think Hiram hit people he didn't like to begin with an then one day he slipped and hit someone he did?" _

_Noah frowned. "Maybe." He was confused. "I don't get what this has to do with my mom being sorry. You don't think she is?" _

"_I think that she might be sorry still even though you forgave her," Aiden said as he tossed the balls. "Grown ups feel sorry sometimes for a long time. They want to do better." _

"_You mean for the next time? I don't want it to happen again..." he trailed off. _

"_I mean that maybe your mom still feels badly about what happened like you feel badly about hitting Kyle still," Aiden said. He was making that face that Noah's uncle made when noah was confused. Aiden sighed and looked at Noah. "Sometimes, Noah, grown ups feel badly for a long time. Your mom is a person-"_

"_Well... yeah she's a person," noah said rolling his eyes. "She's my mom. She does everything. She …. she's the best mom." _

"_But before she was a mom she was just Shelby... it's okay to be mad at your mom, Noah. It doesn't mean you love her less." _

_Noah folded his arms. "I don't like you saying that. Don't talk about my mom like that. My mom is the best mom." _

_Aiden put his hands up. "I'm sorry." _

"_You should be. I don't want to play anymore."_

Maybe Noah saw doubt in his mother's eyes before this moment. He knew he had, but it was never as clear as it was now. For the first time, he didn't just see his mother anymore, he saw Shelby Corcoran: A woman who had been through hell and back.

Noah took a step forward and watched as someone from the emergency room was talking to his mom and Santana began to breathe like Rachel when Rachel panicked. He stepped forward with a shout when he saw them pull out a needle and Shelby calm them

"What are you doing!?" he asked urgently. "Leave her alone."

"Noah, just let them do what they need to do," Bear said.

"No! She's not some wild animal that you need to shoot and shut up!" he yelled.

Noah frowned as Santana stopped crying as much and closed her eyes. It didn't matter what he said, they were still shooting her like a lion.

…

Shelby watched as Santana's breathing slowed and she was moved onto a stretcher and moved down the hallway.

"We're going to move her into the room with the others," Tom said gently as Shelby still had her hand over her own heart.

The mother gave an absent nod as she watched the stretcher get further and further away. "I'm... I'm going to go with her. I need to be with the girls … I -"

"Ms. Corcoran, I would like to speak with you first," a new voice said.

Shelby frowned at the woman in front of her. "... Who are you?"

"My name is Dr. Gretchen Miles, the hospital asked me to come-"

"I'm sorry, what?" Shelby asked as she looked between the other doctors. "What? Why?"

"Shelby, there have been other girls that have come forward," Bear said gently. "Trauma teams have been sent down from Cleveland and -"

Shelby put up her hands shaking her head. "I …. I don't have time for this."

"I believe that you should make time," the doctor stated. "I've tried calling for the past week and was recommended by your family's current therapist-"

"Elyse?"

"Shelby, remember, she mentioned this to you?" Joey asked with a frown.

Shelby shook her head and she pinched the bridge of her nose. She was sure that she was getting a migraine. She vaguely remembered having this conversation and signing release forms when she met with Elyse and her supervisor. Shelby sighed. "You're the woman that Angela recommended. I know I received your calls, I just... I haven't had a moment to call you. I thought it was agreed that we would talk after the trial. I really don't have time to talk to you now."

"I was at the courthouse this afternoon and all this week," Dr. Miles said. "We have a lot to discuss. I mentioned in my voicemails and I think Angela has mentioned that it would be important for me to meet with the girls this week. I have a great team that's willing and able to meet with you and your family-"

"My family?"

Dr. Miles sighed. "The released that you signed were extensive. I know. You have a lot on your plate, but I can assure you that I know what I'm doing. I am was able to read the records …. including the very extensive one from New York."

Shelby folded her arms. "Okay," she said defensively.

"What I'm saying is that we should talk," Dr. Miles said. "Santana's outburst is concerning and from what I've read they're fairly frequent."

"She's not violent," Tom interrupted.

"She appears to be," Dr. Miles stated.

"I'll talk to you but I'm not talking to you now," she snapped. She looked over the woman's shoulder and saw that her son was asking the nurses if he could go through the doors that Santana went through. "My son needs me and then my girls."

Dr. Miles nodded. "I'll touch base with you first thing tomorrow."

"I'm sure you will," Shelby said as she moved past the woman leaving her parents, sister and brother-in-law, and walking toward her son.

Noah swallowed with a deep set frown and started after her. What had just happened?

"Son, you can't go down there," a voice said behind him but he couldn't hear them as he continued down the hallway. It wasn't until he felt a hand on his arm that he stopped.

"What?" he asked with a frown.

"Noah, she's okay," Shelby said gently.

"Why did you do that?" he barked as he looked at everyone. The adult exchanged a look instead of answering verbally. "Answer me," he commanded with a frown of betrayal.

"We didn't want her to hurt herself," Joey stated.

"That's not true," he responded quickly with a shake of his head.

"It is, Noah," Bear said. "Calm down."

"Or what? You're going to shoot me too?" he snapped.

Shelby put her hands up. "Noah, stop," she said drawing closer to her son. "Listen to me. Did you hear what they were saying before we gave Santana the shot?"

"No..." he said as he tried to maintain his frown.

"Santana has been having some trouble breathing. You know, when she panicked? We needed to calm her down," Shelby tried to explain.

Noah shook his head again. "You can't just do that to her you have to let her just... just do it...just be mad."

"Noah, it's bigger than that," a woman he didn't recognize said.

"Why are you changing things now? Why?" Noah asked. He couldn't stop shaking his head. He couldn't wrap his head around how twisted things had become.

"Because it's not okay-"

"She doesn't know that! She doesn't know how to cope any other way," Noah said as he felt a lump in his throat and tears in his eyes. "It's not fair for you to change the rules of the game when this is always how she's played it. It's just... it's just not fair to her!"

The woman he didn't recognize stepped forward as his family and Dr. Pierce looked at him like deer in the headlights, all paralyzed by their own thoughts.

"You're right, Noah," she said.

"Who are you?" he asked. "I wasn't talking about you. This is about my sister and you don't know her at all."

"You're right," Gretchen said. "I don't know her, but I think once I get to know her better and she gets to know me I think we can help her."

"Help her with what?" he snapped looking at his family for an explanation.

"Help her from feeling like she's drowning in guilt and suffocating with her anger," Gretchen continued.

Noah's brow softened. "You can take that away from her?" he asked in a way that made Shelby feel like she was looking at her nine year old instead of her eighteen year old.

"Noah?" Shelby asked. "What do you mean take that away from her?"

"Because that's how she feels!" he yelled. "That's how she always feels! I know my sister! I know her better than she knows her! Mom, you know she's sad! You all know that she feels like that!"

"She has," Shelby said chewing her lip. "We've been working on it. She knows the difference between right and wrong. She's not ….." She looked at Gretchen and exchanged a look that Noah couldn't read. He watched her take a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. "She's stable," she said. It was as if they were having a different conversation that excluded the rest of the room.

"I'm not saying that she's not," Gretchen said. "I'm just saying that she has a great deal to work on that hasn't been addressed."

"Like what?" Noah asked. "What are you talking about? She's done therapy. She's done lots of therapy and... everything..." He looked at his mother. "Right, Mom? Mom?" He soaked in his mother's stance. She was covering her eyes with her hand. She was trembling. "Ma?"

She took a deep breath. "Noah, remember when you went away for little bit?" He nodded silently. "You were able to work on stuff there where you were able to figure out how to not be angry all the time."

Noah looked at his mother and then stared back at this woman. He looked at his family. "What?... Are you... Are you sending her away?"

"I hope not," she said tearfully. "I'm sorry, bud. I did wrong by you guys."

"No!" he said with a frown. "Did she tell you that?" he asked pointing at the woman. "Did you say that my mom did wrong? She didn't! She didn't!"

"There's a lot that we didn't … address in New York," Shelby said gently.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Your therapists did not think that we should have moved to Lima. You were just getting a crucial point in your therapy," Shelby said quietly. "I've met a lot with Elyse and … in hindsight it's as clear as day that so much has never been healed."

He shook his head and put his hands up in confusion and a deeply knitted brow. "I … I don't get it."

"Quinn is still beginning to deal with all that she's dealing with. It's so new and so fresh and it will remain fresh until it's addressed," Shelby said.

"You're saying that... that Santana has been walking around with like a fresh … trauma?" he asked.

"In some ways yes," Gretchen said. "Circumstances are always different and people can revisit that trauma more easily than expected, but in so many ways, Santana and Rachel have been holding it together for awhile...but they appeared to be more stable than was thought. In a lot of ways their wounds are as fresh as Quinn's...Does that make sense?"

Noah looked at the woman and then his mother and then the rest of the family. "Are you going to take them away from my mom?" he asked pointedly.

"Absolutely not," Gretchen said. "We just need to work with them in different ways than your mom has up to this point."

"Because she did something wrong? Because she didn't," Noah argued, defensively.

"She didn't," Gretchen said softly. "She did the best that she could."

Noah frowned and soaked in the family's looks and it was clearly said that while that was true, their posture was telling him that his mother's best wasn't good enough and he wasn't sure what that means.

Shelby put her head in her hands. Things had just settled down... Sort of. They had given Santana a sedative, much to Noah's distress. Santana's hands had been cleaned and wrapped. None of the wounds were big but there was broken glass everywhere from the broken television. It felt like a metaphor. Rachel used to tell her how important metaphors were. Now Shelby was lucky if her little girl looked at her.

She squeezed her eyes shut. How did they get to this moment? The three of them were in there now breathing in their beds. She missed when things were loud. She missed when they were fighting. She felt helpless and lost. She shook her head. No, she wasn't going to concede to that. They were going to make it through this.

Noah had finally gone home with his cousins reluctantly. She wasn't sure how they convinced him, but somehow they had. However, knowing her son he was going to come back ready to stay the week... or even the month. He was trying so hard to be strong for Shelby but she could tell he was crumbling as well. Santana's outburst was beyond scary and Shelby was now convinced that at least one of her daughters if not all 3 needed the intense counseling that was being set up by Elyse. She wondered in her head how she was going to explain it in the morning to Santana. She knew Santana needed it so much but she was still so scared that she was not going to get her Taz back. Rachel had yet to focus on anyone since she arrived at the hospital. Had she lost her baby too? Tears were actively flowing down her cheeks but she was determined that she would fight until the end for her children.

She wiped her tears as an intern entered the room. She gave him a weak smile as he approached Quinn and Rachel's beds. Quinn had been working to sweat out her fever. Nurses and interns had been in and out of the room so much tonight that Shelby barely noticed the male intern that was a side of Quinn's bed carrying a new set of sheets.

As Shelby slowly closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair, she was jarred awake by the scream that came from her blond daughter. Quinn was slapping and trying to kick the intern telling him to stop. She was so weak but she was using the last of her energy to slap at his arms. He was attempting to calm her and Shelby watched as he pressed the call button for the nurse to come in and help her. Then Shelby heard Quinn scream as weakly as possible, "Stop, Daddy! Stop! I am sorry I am sorry, please no!"

Shelby jumped from her chair and moved the intern away from Quinn. Quinn eyes were not focused but Shelby could still see fear ring through them.

She gently grabbed Quinn's face. "Q- Bear, Mommy is here. Look at me, Quinn. Look at Mommy," Shelby said urgently.

But Quinn didn't.

Shelby felt her stomach bottom out as Quinn's body began to shake.

"What the hell is happening?!" Shelby shouted, not noticing the tiny girl jump awake next to her.

"Her fever is too high," the nurse said calmly. "She will be fine."

"She doesn't look fine to me!" Shelby hissed as Quinn continued to shake and Shelby could barely hold her in so she didn't fall out.

"Her body is trying to fight this. We need to cool her down and she is ready for her next dose of medicine and that should help. Just hold her right now. I am going to let Dr. Pierce know and see if he wants to change any medicine. I know its scary Mrs. Corcoran but she will be ok," the nurse said honestly. "We just have to help with this fever."

Suddenly, Shelby felt a stillness in her arms. As quick as the convulsions started they ended and Quinn was opening her eyes. Exhausted and confused Quinn looked up at Shelby with half open eyes. "I want... I want to ….. go home..." she whispered. She brought her hand up weakly to Shelby's which was still on Quinn's shoulder. "Don't... don't... leave..."

Shelby felt her heart in her chest. How did she go from a bad dream to a seizure? Was that even a seizure? Shelby cursed herself of the absence of medical knowledge.

Nurses filtered into the room and told her that they needed to change Quinn's bed and cool her down. They looked at Shelby as if she knew what that meant. She didn't know what any of it meant. She noticed that the bed was wet.

"It's normal," a nurse whispered. "For patients to lose control of their bladders."

Shelby gently picked up Quinn from the bed and sat with her on her lap. The nurses quickly got to work in changing the sheets and giving a damp cool cloth to Shelby to hold on Quinn's head.

Quinn whispered, barely loud enough to hear, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Shelby gently rocked her as she watched in worried awe as the bed was changed. She continued to watch in a haze as the nurse checked Quinn's IV and made sure that it was still in place. Since it was all set, she watched her put more medicine in the IV and she felt her daughter start to relax. Quinn was sleeping soundly in no time. She took the moment to change Quinn out of her soiled clothing with the help of the nurse before she tucked her back in.

She felt numb as she lay Quinn back in her bed. She backed up and practically fell into her chair again. A nurse talked to her but Shelby could only see her lips moving. It was going to be a long night. All that happened in less in thirty minutes... barely twenty-five minutes. Once the nurses left she let out a sob of anguish. It was too much. She put her head down on her hands and began to cry. She felt the sobs wracked her body with exhaustion and her eyes felt as if they losing the last of the moisture in her body. She had no energy. She was losing it... and she had no idea how to stop it. In the midnight hours, she didn't see Rachel's eyes watching her in the darkness. Shelby didn't realize that while her own fears were being verified that Rachel's were also becoming a reality.

…_.._

Santana stirred in her bed and rolled over. This was not her bed. She looked over and Rachel was sitting silently in a wheelchair as they changed her linens. She pulled her own covers back. She spotted her mother bent over Quinn's bed sleeping soundly. The morning light was barely shining through the windows. Santana walked over to Rachel who was staring quietly at the floor. Santana reached out and picked her up.

"Santana, leave her be," Shelby said tiredly from Quinn's side of the bed.

"Morning," Joey said quietly entering the room and handing her sister a large cup of coffee. Sh kissed that tops of the girls' heads.

"Mom, she can't sit there by herself," Santana said looking between Rachel and her mother.

"She's sick and so are you," Shelby said as she made her way toward Rachel. "Morning, bug," she whispered kissing her softly just as the nurse finished the bed. Shelby felt Rachel's forehead. "Are you still feeling badly?" She turned to the nurse. "How high is her temp? She's still feeling warm."

The nurse looked at the vitals. "They took it about ten minutes ago. Rachel's is 103.5 and Quinn's still 105."

"That high?" Joey asked as she wrapped her arm around Santana's shoulders. "I thought we gave them some medicine to lower their temperatures..."

The nurse nodded and Shelby turned back to Rachel. "Bug, let's try to go to the bathroom and then we'll change you into some pajamas that I brought you and get you out of the gown."

"Not yet, Ms. Corcoran," the intern said. "We need to be able to get to their IVs."

"I have a short sleeve pants and shirts pjs for them. You can get to the IV," Shelby said tiredly.

"Ma'am, we need to have them in hospital gowns at least until their fevers break," she said regretfully.

"Fine," Shelby said trying to remain calm. She gave Santana weak smile. "You can stay in here with Quinn or you can come with us."

Santana gave a nod and followed her mother but not before glaring at her aunt to stay with Quinn. She followed closely behind and watched in a strange and confused trance as her mother and another nurse put a special plastic bowl in the toilet and they were coaxing Rachel onto the toilet. They they changed her into another gown, and she watched as her mother gave a grumble as the nurse handed Rachel a gown covered in perky oval shaped multi colored clowns. She signed. She looked at how small it was and was hopeful that they would have to bump up to a larger size and perhaps an adult size since the next size up was a large. An adult small would surely fit her, she told herself silently in a rambled voice. And that adult size wouldn't have freakin' clowns. However, as she watched her mother put the gown on Rachel. It wasn't too small. It was almost too big.

She looked down at her own gown. She was in a gown, she reminded herself. She stared down at her hands. She knew that she her hands bandaged but so much of it had been a blur , How did she get here? How did she get to the bathroom? where Rachel was peeing in a bowl with her name on it and Quinn has a bowl waiting for her. How did this happen?

She scrunched down on the balls of her feet in front of her. "Rach?" she asked. Maybe Rachel was looking at her. Maybe she was just scared from before.

Rachel didn't look up as their mom tied her gown. She let out a shaky breath and was about to stand up but Rachel reached out and took her hand. "Where's George?" Rachel's voice cracked from slight disuse.

Santana jumped up and ignored the rush of blood to her head. she had a task. She had a task and she was going to get those things done.

"I'll get him," she said hurriedly as she walked back into the room and looked through the newly made bed. Nothing. No George. "We... We gave it to her... I remember... I woke up...and I told you last night... remember?"

Joey nodded. "I do. It's here somewhere. She had him this morning."

They searched above the bed and below. Nothing. Nothing and nothing.

Shelby walked out of the bathroom with Rachel leaning against her side.

"He isn't here," Santana said frantically. "He isn't here!"

Shelby lifted Rachel to her bed and Joey stepped in and tucked her in as Shelby walked over to Santana.

"San?" she asked softly as the girl began to frantically dig through the duffle she brought. "Where is he? She had him!"

Santana rushed down the hall oblivious to the exposure of her own gown and the unsteadiness of her step. "He changed her bed!" she scolded as she pointed to the nurses' station. "Where's George?"

"George?" the nurse asked.

"It's my little girl's stuffed monkey," Shelby said gently. "It means more than I can explain. Please... tell me it's in the linens."

"They were already sent down to the laundry room," she said regretfully.

Santana felt her head become more fuzzy. She felt a pressure on her temples and a clench of her jaw as her entire body tightened with frustration. She felt her heartbeat quicken and a chaos in her head become louder. She needed to break something. She wasn't sure why she felt such a release from it, but it relieved her like nothing else and -

Her thoughts were cut off when she felt her mother's arms wrap around her tightly in a protective hug. Her mother cradled her head and rested her chin on her shoulder near her ear. "San?" she whispered. "You have to breathe, baby. We will fix this okay? I promise you that we'll help you from feeling this way. I'm so sorry."

Santana fought against the hold. this wasn't what she wanted. She felt her breath quicken in her chest. She needed to release from this. This wasn't going to work, she told herself.

"Let go," she said weakly. "She needs him, Mom. It's her... it's her binkie. It was her binkie and it helped her. She needs George and without George she'll never talk again! She won't come back. I need to find him! I need to get if for her. I have to! It's my responsibility! I need to get her binkie!"

"Santana," Shelby said hugging her tightly. She realized that Santana was not longer talking about George. She wasn't even really talking about her binkie. Santana was tapping into that responsibility that she used to bare, the responsibility that she never relinquished. "She's going to be okay. We will find her something new.-"

"She doesn't need something new! She needs George!" Santana said.

"What I mean, San, is that Rachel doesn't need George anymore, we just need to teach her that," Shelby said. "I need to teach her that. You are her sister, San. You are safe. You are loved and I am here." She rubbed her back as she felt Santana's body become less tense. "I am here, okay? We're going to be okay, but we need to change, San."

Santana squeezed her eyes shut and pushed against her mother, but her mother's arms remained strong. She gave in and leaned into them. "I need them to be okay."

"Me too," Shelby whispered as she rubbed Santana's back. "I need you all to be okay."

Santana leaned heavily on her mother. "Are we going to tell her that we lost him?"

Shelby held her daughter close. "You did nothing, Santana. I did nothing. Sometimes things happen out of our control.. they just happen."

Santana pulled back and looked tearfuly at her mother. "Things happen to us a lot," she whispered.

Shelby kissed her softly. "I know."

…..

Santana looked over her shoulder at the door. She didn't want to be in there. She didn't want to discuss and she didn't want to be anywhere not with her family.

"Santana?"

She didn't understand why her mother asked her to do this.

"Santana?"

She hated that she couldn't be out there. She was sure that when Rachel's fever would get lower she would respond. She just needed that one more degree. She needed to get better.

"Santana?"

She didn't understand what this lady wanted from her. She certainly didn't understand was Elyse was doing in there. She looked at the door again. She wanted things just to go back to normal.

"Santana?"

Enough, she thought as she turned roughly in her seat.

"What?!" she barked.

"Santana, this is Gretchen," Elyse said.

"Okay..." she said with a frown.

"She's going to meet with you and your sisters and see if she can meet with you more regularly," Elyse explained.

"Well, I meet with you already, isn't that enough?" Santana asked with a bite.

Elyse changed a look with Gretchen, causing Santana to frown and meet Gretchen expectant and unphased eyes. "I think in so many ways, Santana, that you've outgrown Elyse."

"I've... I've only been placed with her for a few months... My little sister has been meeting with her the longest... maybe you have us confused..." Santana said unsure, but knowing deep in her heart that they weren't confused.

"Santana, I don't think that I can help you in the way that you need," Elyse began.

"Help?" Santana frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I've become too attached to you all, Santana, and I think that I'm not giving you guys the tools that you need," Elyse tried again.

Santana shook her head. "I don't understand... You think I'm too fucked up for you?" she bit. "It's because I break shit all of the time? I've always broken shit!"

"Santana, that's not what I mean," Elyse said.

"Then what do you mean? I told you! I told you that you better be on your A game remember?" Santana asked raising her voice. "When things were bad with my sisters, I told you to get it together for you and now you're telling me I'm too much for you... We're too much?!"

Gretchen looked at Santana calmly. "It's not as easy as that, Santana."

"Then freaking explain it to me," she snapped.

"Well, first of all, your anger, Santana, is something that you should have coping with for awhile," Gretchen said.

"People are edgy sometimes. So what? I'm just edgy," Santana said folding her arms.

"Is that what you're going to tell your boss in a few years when some customer makes you angry?" Gretchen countered.

Santana narrowed her eyes. "I wouldn't do that."

"What if they really got in your face about something?" Gretchen asked.

"They wouldn't," she said with gritted teeth.

"What if someone knew about your family and brought that up?" Gretchen pushed again but did so gently in a conversational way. Santana deflated slightly realizing the woman's point. "Santana, do you have any idea how much property damage your mother has paid for?"

Santana frowned deeper. "You mean... today?" she asked.

Gretchen gave a casual shrug. "I mean whenever. This year? Last year."

"If you came in here to guilt me about how many lamps I've broken, you're on crack," she bit. "Help my sisters. I'm fine. I won't break anything anymore. Can I go?"

Gretchen leaned forward slightly, shifting slightly in her chair. "Not yet, Santana," she said as she looked up Elyse. "Can I ask you something, Santana?"

"You're going to anyway. I don't know why you're asking me," she said tightening her arms.

"Have you talked about what you feel when you break things? have you explored that?" Gretchen asked carefully. She met Santana's eyes, which were silently challenging her.

"Yes," Santana said quietly. "It's … because I'm mad. I've talked about this with Elyse. I feel... I don't know... like... I'm... I'm drowning and I'm clenching every muscle in my body. I've told her this... and breaking things... it just... I don't know... it releases feelings and I'm fine. I've told her this."

"Santana, those are great steps, but that's the beginning," Gretchen began only to have Santana scoff. "What?"

"What?" Santana repeated. "You're telling me it's the beginning? Listen, lady, I've been doing this therapy crap for years and I talk in circles and this is what it is."

"Well, it doesn't have to be," Gretchen said kindly. "I want you to be able to cope with your feelings without having to rip televisions off of the wall." She examined Santana as her face morphed from defensive to slightly vulnerable. "Let me ask you something."

Santana huffed. "Fine."

"Do you want to have a family someday? Children?"

Santana narrowed her eyes. "Well... I … I don't think that's in the cards for me."

"Is it something you want?" Gretchen asked.

"Of course, it is," she whispered as she stared at the floor. "It just might not happen."

"Why not?" Gretchen asked.

"Because... it just … it won't," Santana said. "I'm … It just won't, okay?"

"There are so many ways to make a family, Santana," Gretchen smiled. "What I'm asking is in ten years do you still want your emotions to reach a point that you're breaking things in your home?"

"I never do that in front of Rachel," she snapped back from her deep thoughts. She met Elyse's neutral eyes and was reminded of a few months ago. "Okay... um... I've... I've hurt her though."

"I'm not saying you have," Gretchen said. "I'm just saying, Santana, that it doesn't always have to be like this."

Santana stared back at her with a frown. "Oh," was all she could respond with.

….

Shelby watched distantly from the window as Gretchen talked quietly to Rachel. She was showing her pictures. she was talking to her and trying to engage her and Rachel wasn't moving at all. She wouldn't look up at her. Shelby had been in there for a moment trying to coax Rachel out of her silence. Her fever had broken and was now slowly lowering to functioning. She could breathe better, but still she was weak and unresponsive. Tom said she was ready to eat solids on her own, but she was refusing to even look at the food they would prepare for. She frowned. At least that was consistent, she scoffed silently and then scolded herself for making fun of it and then she snapped at herself for talking to herself. She stepped forward to listen to Rachel and Gretchen.

"Rachel, I know that you can hear me," Gretchen said carefully. "Rachel, I brought some things for you."

Rachel didn't move.

"Rachel, you and I can work together like you and Elyse began. She said that at the beginning you and she played games and colored. We can do that together," Gretchen tried again.

Rachel didn't say anything. She continued to look away silently.

"Your family loves you very much, Rachel," Gretchen stated. "I'm not going away even if you don't talk to me, Rachel. I will come meet with you."

Rachel didn't look at her but she shifted slightly.

"Rachel, you're not going to be meeting with Elyse anymore. You're going to meet with myself or others on my team. We have a series of good people that are going to work with you. There are groups with kids your age that you're going to go to, but it would be more helpful if you were able to give me your input. I want to know what you're looking for and I can't know that unless you talk to me."

Nothing.

"Okay," Gretchen said as she reached into her bag and pulled out a Composition Notebook. "I want you to use this, Rachel. I know that you have a voice. You have a very strong voice. You're just not aware of how strong you really are. We can work together to find that."

Rachel didn't move.

"Rachel, I hope you use this notebook because or else I'll think you're empty and soulless inside," Gretchen said with a wink and smile. "Just write a page please."

With that, Gretchen turned and walked in the other direction out of the room. Shelby caught Rachel looking up after Gretchen as the woman left the room. And for the first time in what seemed like forever, Shelby didn't think she was making a wrong decision.

Gretchen gave her a sign and looked at Shelby softly. "Let's talk."

Shelby sat down carefully at the table.

"Thank you for meeting me alone," Gretchen began.

"I understand why you asked," Shelby said with a nod. "I was a clinician once...Thought it was another life in so many ways, but …. I get that there can be too many cooks in the kitchen."

Shelby shifted uncomfortably as she watched Gretchen settle in her seat and take out a notebook.

"They didn't want us to move to Lima," Shelby said quietly.

"Why?"

"Because, they just reached a point in their trauma therapy where they were just beginning to identify their trauma as trauma. And you know that those are pivotal points... but Santana and Noah had most recently been kicked out of their schools. I needed to move closer to my family... but I know I was wrong for interrupting their treatment."

"Firstly, Shelby, maybe you were and maybe you weren't. I don't know the clinicians you worked with in New York. I don't know what your everyday looked like over there, but I know that you have a support system here and you probably didn't have there. Your kids are holding up incredibly well. I know Quinn is sick, so I wasn't able to talk to her and Rachel is unresponsive, but she's in there. I saw her peeking up at me as I left the room."

"You think that you can help them?" Shelby said.

"I think so," Gretchen affirmed. "Dealing with trauma requires a great deal of discussion. I can understand how Noah received treatment in the program that he went into. It shows. You and I both know that typically in these situations there can be a lot of players. There will be myself coordinating these services and meeting with them as their clinician, but then the girls would likely benefit from a therapeutic mentor."

"You don't think that they need a psychologist too?" Shelby asked as she braced herself.

"I think they could benefit for an evaluation, but I certainly don't think that they need medication and I will continue to advocate for it. I think that these kids have learned to function on their own and did so with some therapeutic work but not as aggressive as they might need. It's a balance and I think that silence around their trauma was not about shame, which we often see in our field, but silence was wrought on simply because those wounds hadn't properly healed. I think that in New York it took so long to identify all the trauma, two years, I read, right?" Shelby nodded. "For some kids it takes that long, but for others it doesn't... and I think that your kids weren't pushed as much."

"They had very involved clinicians back in New York," she said.

Gretchen gave her a weak smile, "And you know what the disadvantage of that is." She sighed. "We're not here to break apart and reexamine what did happen, we're here to move forward. Shelby, you've done an amazing job and you have really taken outstanding strides for them. These kids do well in school. They are great socially. They are not violent toward other children or a danger to the community."

Shelby gave an awkward laugh. "Well, that's all up for discussion."

Gretchen looked at her honestly and gave a nod before looking down at her papers. "You have started with family therapy?"

"We're actually on the waiting list over at Lima Heights Associates," Shelby sighed. "I don't want to add all these clinicians and have team meetings about them, excluding them. I want to get them the services that they need but I don't want it to be out of control. You know?"

"Well, the children aren't with the state anymore, even Quinn. She's adopted and in your custody. CPS doesn't need to be involved. I agree, we can have a team that can be best matched for the girls."

Shelby chewed her lip. "I don't want them in residential."

Gretchen looked at her with a sympathetic grin. "Shelby, you and I know that that's the last resort. Residential isn't considered until other things are exhausted and your children are highly too functioning for residential." She sighed carefully. "I think that it might be extremely helpful if not only you and Noah were involved in the family therapy, but I think that you and Noah may benefit from it."

"I'm already seeing someone."

"How long have you seen him?"

"Since I moved here and Noah is seeing someone too even though he's stable right now. You know that we have a capacity at the program to get someone to work with him specifically around school stuff."

"He's applied," Shelby said. "He actually did that by himself, but I think in terms of doing the other stuff, he might benefit from someone new."

Shelby gave a slight shake of her head. "Yeah... Maybe," she whispered.

…

**Thank you for reading and sticking with this story. Please let me know what you think. Thank you! :) **


	64. Chapter 64

Chapter 64

Cookie07: Thank you thank you for your long review. I absolutely love Noah/Santana too! Their bond is so important. They really keep each other afloat. Santana and Shelby is also a great connection that I enjoy exploring they are very much. You can definitely feel angry with Michael People have been very careful with Rachel but their less careful with Santana because her reactions are different. It's certainly not an excuse. Rachel's issues are very loud and obvious and Santana's are forgotten. It's certainly something that i've been exploring from the beginning. This family is FAR from perfect in how they've dealt with things and that is being explored in this chapter a little bit. I certainly don't think every child especially every child with a diagnosis needs to be medicated. People forget or are unaware that once children are medicated they still only see their psychiatrist once a month and they see their clinician or therapist once a week. Psychiatrist is primarily there to regular the medication not do the clinical work. Thank you so much for your two cents! I always love and look forward to long reviews. I'm so grateful that you took the time to give me your thoughts and opinions. I hope that you enjoy this next chapter. Thank you again!

alopez208 – Thank you so much for reading this story and rereading it. This family is going through so much. Noah is a great big brother to all his sisters. Shelby is such a great mom – I feel so much for her. Sorry for the delay – these chapters are sometimes very emotional for me as well so it can take a while to get out. I am sorry but I am forever grateful for your patience. Thank you.

LupitaTequila13 – Sorry I made you cry but you may need some tissues for this chapter as well. Thank you so much for your review.

Abbie – Thanks so much for the review. Its ok that you did not review. I love them but I know people get busy. It does happen to things in the hospital and it is very sad. But Gretchen will teach Rachel there are other ways to cope.

OTHangels – Thank you

Sarah11650 – Santana doesn't mean to break things she is just overwhelmed and this was a way she coped but she will learn to do it differently. They will not be sending her away. Your reviews are not all over the place and I am grateful for your reviews. Thank you

1moredreamer – Gretchen needs to be aggressive and get to know the family quickly – she has a very large task in front of her. All of the kids are in for some new ways to approach things. Rachel especially has to relearn things and it is going to be very carefully planned out because there is a lot of levels that she was traumatized. We will have to see how successful it is. Never apologize for a long review I love it. Thank you as always.

HannahWilliam33 – The girls are going through a lot right now but they have a lot of help to get them through this. Thank you for your review.

thelastcenturian – Thank you for your continued support.

Kimberlli – Gretchen will be a strong help for this family and she will have a great team behind her. Will will hopefully get what he deserves. Thank you for reviewing.

krazyy989 – They do need a break and they may get one soon. Thanks for the review.

Asmodeus Poisonteeth – I hope you enjoy this one – it took some time to write but parts of it were hard. Thank you for reviewing.

TommyH – Lots more to come as well. I hope you like. Thank you for the review.

leamicheleisawesome – Thank you so much. Rachel will make slow progress but she will come out soon.

JWilson18 – Sometimes I am on the edge of my seat too – lol – Thank you so much for your support. I am so happy that you like it.

Lolathe17th – Santana is very sad right now. All twisted up and not knowing how to cope – she will get there I promise though. Elyse was good but just needing help. Shelby meant that Santana was physically sick. She knows her daughter needs help though to cope with everything she has been dealt. Thank you so much for your review.

croque – Quinn doesn't have a spleen and because of it she gets sicker easier and longer but they are making adjustments – plus stress can make you sick and she has been under a great deal of stress. Thank you for the review.

BMontague- No need to apologize I love long reviews ! You are right most of the time when the issues hit very close to home with the people you love its hard to stay objective and do things that you know are in the best interest of everyone. I am both excited and nervous that you had several colleagues read the story. Noah is a big part of the story and sometimes I feel he doesn't get in the story as much as I would like. He is more observant than the adults realize and he is a great benefit to his sisters. It was time for a change from Elyse, while she was great with them this new trauma is overwhelming and Gretchen and her team will help immensely. Quinn is very sick and can get that way very quickly. My beta is a single mom and she would be out of her mind if her little boy was as sick as Quinn or any of these kids are but Shelby is strong and with the rest of the family around she has great support. At this point Shelby needs a bottle of wine and a week in the spa! Thank you so much again for your in-depth review. I love reading and hearing from all my readers. It fuels me and makes me hopefully become a better writer.

Guest – Intense is right but it will start to get better. Thanks for reviewing – I am glad you are enjoying this.

Guest-raven – That's right that is all Quinn wants is Shelby, Shelby is her mother now and who doesn't when they are sick. I'm impressed that you have reread the chapter so many times. It is a tough read. Nana and Pop and Bear weren't really mean they are just at a loss at how to help the ones they love. Thank you for the review.

zuperkt – I nor you should ever lose hope for the Corcorans. But they will have to go through more intense therapy to get past their latest struggles. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

Ryoko05 – That is why they know Santana's therapy needs to change – she is breaking at all ends and its time to really fix it and teach her to cope better. Thanks for reviewing.

amandaes417 – Thank you so much. Santana is slowly letting someone in but it will be slow because she has blocked it for years. San has a lot to say she just doesn't know how to say it and at this point Santana wants to change but at the same time she is scared to do it Thanks for reviewing.

**Thank you everyone for your patience. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I did post the song that I used in the chapter on my tumblr. Please let me know what think. **

Despite what the nurses had told her, Santana had pushed her bed as obnoxiously close to Rachel and Quinn's as possible. It was inches away from both of them and Santana couldn't understand why this was an issue. Doctors could still get to them on the other side. She was just in the hospital bed bitch seat. They were making a bigger deal than it needed to be. She looked in the hallway. Her mother's brow was furrowed as her grandmother, aunt and uncle talked with Brittany's father.

"Excuse me, you can't sit-" the intern began but Santana glared at her with a deep set frown, silencing her.

"San," Noah said from the chair on the other side of Rachel's bed. He arched his brow at her. "They can't check them if you're that close."

"Shut up," Santana said with a sneer.

Noah frowned. "San, seriously?"

Santana sighed and looked at the intern with a tilt of her head. "Could you please try to work around me?"

"Santana, you cannot have your bed there," Shelby said as she entered the room from the hallway. "Please move it back."

Santana leaned over to Rachel. "I'll be right back," she whispered. She patted Quinn's bed as she moved off of hers. "Noah, help me."

Noah groaned and moved the bed with Santana with loud huffs of discontent as the other relatives filtered into the room.

"Where's Dad?" Shelby asked Joey.

"He's still at the courthouse," she said quietly, but Santana could still hear her and she caught her bandages on the side of the bed.

"Santana, please be cautious of your bandages please," Tom pleaded.

"Can we just commend me that they're still on?" Santana asked. She motioned toward Quinn. "She took hers off with a saw."

Quinn gave a weak smile and nodded from her bed silently.

"She agrees," Santana said pointing at Quinn.

"Not funny, San," Shelby called out.

Helen sighed and looked at Joey and Bear. "I'm going to go get everyone some food."

"Why? No one is eating," Santana asked.

She watched her aunt and her mother talk silently with their eyes. It reminded Santana of how she could look at Quinn or Rachel and just know what they were thinking. Her mother met her gaze.

"A large vanilla latte," Shelby said with a smile as if they hadn't been caught chatting silently.

Joey rolled her eyes and kissed the kids quietly. "She'll be back before you know it."

"Santana, you and I are going to go home and wash up and then we're going to come back," Shelby said casually as she pulled on her coat.

Santana looked at her brother and Quinn and then looked in Rachel's direction. She stared back down at her hands. "I …. I can't go. I'm a patient. Plus … Nana just left... why are we leaving?"

"Dr. Pierce is going to sign the discharge papers for you, San. Nana is going to come back here after she's done and Bear and Noah will stay. We're just going to go home for a bit and then come back. Noah went home last night and I think we can get you home to get showered and changed."

"I brought my clothes, Mom. I'm fine," she said pointing to her bag.

"San," Shelby said. " We'll be back before you know it."

Santana looked over at her brother. "... Why?""

"Why will we be back before you know it?" Shelby asked with a smile as she sat next to Santana on her bed. She rubbed Santana's back. "Come on."

Santana looked at her brother. "I... I want to know why you were talking to that woman..."

"What woman?"

"The woman that you were talking to," Santana said with a roll of her eyes.

Shelby looked at her son and looked at Quinn's tired eyes. "I was going to talk to you about that stuff when we got back."

"I want to talk about it now," Santana said as she stood up and went over to Rachel's bed and sat on the edge.

Rachel shifted slightly but continued to lie facing away from her.

Shelby looked at them. She looked at her sister for a moment and then looked back at the kids.. "We're going to make some changes around here," Shelby began.

"What?" Noah asked as his face fell. That didn't sound good at all.

Quinn attempted to sit up from her own bed.

"Stay put, Quinn," Shelby said quietly. She sighed and tried to say casually, "The woman that I talked to was a trauma therapist and we're going to work with her team-"

"Why?" Santana interrupted.

"She's getting there," Quinn said weakly.

"We're going to work in with the team.-"

"I don't get it," Noah interrupted. Quinn snapped with a frown but then rested her hand back on Shelby's in exhaustion.

"They have a handful of people who work together and will meet with you," Shelby said. "You won't be seeing Elyse anymore."

"Why?"

"Maybe because she hasn't been doing her job," Noah muttered.

Santana looked over her shoulder at Rachel who still wasn't speaking. She felt her own eyes sting with tears. She hadn't been in the courtroom. She couldn't figure out what was going in Rachel's head. She was so far away and Santana didn't know how to reach her and more terrifyingly, she didn't know what to say to bring her back.

"I think that they need that," Santana admitted quietly.

Noah snapped his gaze over to his sister in surprise. When they were little he and Santana always played Batman and Robin. Of course, Santana insisted that she was Batman. Either way they were a duo, he was going to stick by her no matter what.

"I think... I might want to talk to someone," Noah began quietly. He could feel Santana's eyes look sharply toward him. He turned and met Santana's gaze. "I just … I think it would be good... for all of us."

She searched his eyes and then looked at Quinn. She could feel everyone else's eyes on hers. She looked over at Rachel. She felt like she was thinking a million thoughts all at once. They were in the hospital again. They were all in pieces on the floor. She didn't even know where to begin to put things back together.

"Rachel?" she attempted.

Rachel didn't move.

"Maybe..." Santana whispered looking at her mother. "Maybe we can get her something else to hold... because she doesn't want to be held and …. she doesn't have George." She searched her mother's eyes. "Right?"

Shelby looked at her. Santana could tell that her mother had so much to say, to ask and to answer, but Santana didn't want to hear it. She just needed things all to be glued back together. That's all she could handle.

"I'm okay," Quinn whispered. "I'm okay."

"Shut up, you're wheezing like a whoopie cushion," Santana hissed.

"Like what?" Joey asked from where she was kneeling on the other side of the bed. "Rachel, look at me, kiddo."

"Leave her be, Jo," Shelby whispered. "We can't push her."

Shelby and Santana watched them thoughtfully. "Is it because of George?" she asked with a weight in her chest.

Shelby looked as Santana with a soft kiss as Rachel seemed to weakly bring her knees up closer to her chest and fold into herself. "No, San," she whispered.

Santana looked at her mother. "This new woman... is new?... and you think that maybe she'll help us?"

Shelby gave a nod. "I think it might be good to talk with someone new. You'll still have Elyse to talk to if you want to, but Gretchen and her team will be there too."

Santana looked over at Rachel searching for a sign...anything. Rachel didn't move. Maybe that's what they needed. They needed change because everything they've ever done wasn't working.

Santana turned to her mother tearfully. "We'll do it." She looked over at Quinn with desperation in her eyes. "Please, Quinn we have to try."

Noah took Santana's hand. "We'll all try."

Santana gave her brother a smile and squeezed his hand and wipes her tears with her other hand. She turned and looked at Quinn hoping to convince her of the necessity of a new beginning, but she frowned when she saw that she was asleep again.

"We're going to be okay," Santana whispered to herself. She didn't know if that was true, but all she knew was that they couldn't cope with the alternative.

…

The drive from the hospital was silent. Shelby unbuckled her seatbelt and the release of the fastener seemed to echo in the silence car. She turned and looked at Santana with a heavy heart. She reached out and took her daughter's hand.

"San?" she asked quietly.

Santana squeezed her mother's hand and let out another sob. Shelby quickly pulled Santana close.

"San," she whispered.

"Mom, I don't understand... I don't understand what's going on. Everything is moving so fast but moving so slow all …. all at once," she said into her mother's neck.

Shelby squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed Santana's back quietly hushing her. "I know. Trust me, I know."

"You don't know," Santana said with a glossy stare as she relaxed in her mother's arms. "I …. I don't feel like me... I feel … I'm not me... With … Brittany...I … I almost …. ruined everything," she muttered. "Quinn can't stay awake. Aunt Joey is talking to Rachel like she's talking back... Pop-Pop is angry... and he's never angry... And …" Santana pulled away and looked at her mother. "Rachel -" she put her hand over her mouth and tried to shake back more tears. She furiously wiped them away. "What if Rachel doesn't come back?"

Shelby watched Santana battle. She may have had the right words to say, but right now they were too lost in her sorrow.

"I need to know how to make things right, mom," she whispered. Santana looked at her bandaged hands. "I don't … I don't know how to do this..."

"Santana, sweetheart, you're doing the best you can," Shelby whispered, still holding her hands. "You cannot blame you for this. Okay?"

"How can you not?" she said with a crack in her voice. She let out another sob. "I want him here, Mom." She let out a shaky breath and looked at her mother. "I can't stop wanting him to be here. Please... I need to make that go away."

Shelby looked at her tearfully knowing that Santana. "I wish that he was here all the time, too, San." She hugged Santana tighter. "All the time, but you are so like him with your tenacity and your strength."

Shelby held her close, knowing that there was a new box of secrets in Santana's heart that was being opened. She needed to nurture them out so that that box didn't close again. She needed to catch her as she fell.

Santana shook her head. "I'm not, Mom. I ruin all of it...I … I just …." She pulled back and looked at her mother with fresh tears tracing down her cheeks. "I need to learn not to miss him so much. I need you to teach me that. Please..." she whispered. "I need to know how to make this feeling go away."

Shelby couldn't hide her own anguish anymore. "What feeling, San?" Shelby asked.

"That one that makes me …. makes me feel like I'm drowning... It's like I'm looking for him all the time...I can't, Mom. I can't ."

"You can't what?" Shelby asked with a strangled sob.

"I can't miss him like this anymore. He's not here. He's not here... at all," she whispered.

"San, I miss him all the time too. It's okay to miss him," she said cupped her face. "I promise you that it's okay."

Santana shook her head. "It's not. It's not okay because I …. I'm just reminded how broken we all are because he's not here..." She looked up at her mother. "I'm sorry, Mom."

"San, what are you sorry for?" Shelby asked. She never understood all the guilt that Santana felt and her daughter never gave her access for it. Santana always took responsibility as if it were a duty and Shelby always tried to sift through the hints Santana dropped, but she never could access it completely.

"I wasn't tall enough... I couldn't reach the buttons," she whispered in an eerily calming voice. "I … I was with him... and he was looking at me..." she whispered. "He … he couldn't say anything he just held my cheek and he looked at me and … and... and then he wasn't looking at me anymore..." Santana looked at her mother with big eyes. "I … I couldn't reach the button."

It hit Shelby like a bullet to the heart. It all came back to Leroy. The day Santana took on the weight of the world was the day that her father left her in the elevator. She remembered Santana once told her that she had told Leroy that she would offer to change Rachel's diapers that day. She remembered that it was so random that she almost didn't even make note of it. It came out of the blue when they were out on an errand alone years ago. Santana was in a quiet mood and she had said in simple and distant voice that that day she told her father that she would change Rachel's diapers. Shelby saw more clearly than ever that it wasn't the diapers as much as it was the responsibility that Santana had taken, but it was a responsibility that Santana hadn't realized was too heavy and even now years later, she was still the tiny girl in the elevator wondering what was wrong with her and why she wasn't strong enough to carry all of the responsibility or … tall enough to reach the buttons.

Shelby pulled Santana in her arms tightly. "Santana, it is not your fault. None of this is your fault. It never was. Ever."

"Then... why does it feel like it?" she whispered.

….

Noah watched his aunt and grandmother talking in the hallway with the doctor. It had been an hour or so since his mother and sister left. Quinn had been tossing slightly. She was still sweating and Noah kelp listening to doctors talk numbers when they took her temperature. Noah had been listening but he didn't understand despite his curious eyes, but they saw him listening and were now talking in the hallway. He looked over at Rachel who still had barely moved despite the fact that her eyes were open and she had better color in her face.

While he was more used to Rachel chatting nervously, he was also familiar with this Rachel. He looked at her downcast eyes. He leaned forward with a small smile.

"Rach, I bet they're talking about you," He whispered as he leaned closer to her bed. He motioned toward Quinn. "She's out like a light still. Maybe you can wake her up, huh? And make her feel better with a bad joke?" Rachel didn't look up. He swallowed visibly with a heavy sigh. "You always had really bad jokes."

Joey entered into the room with a tight grin. "Guys, we're going to move Quinn for a bit..." Joey began.

Noah saw Rachel tense out of the corner of his eyes.

"They're going to move her down to the ICU," Joey said quietly.

"We should wait for Mom," Noah said quietly looking at Rachel. "Mom and San can't come back and have us moved... why can't Rachel go with her?"

"She just needs to stay here," Joey said gently.

Noah looked at Rachel and then back at his aunt. "You're going to go with Quinn?"

She nodded. "Nana could wait here with you."

Noah shook his head and nodded toward Rachel. "We'll be fine by ourselves."

Joey sighed. "We're just going to get her settled. Bear is on his way and he'll come and check on you two." Joey walked silently over to the bed. Noah knew that they were all supposed to act like she was still the same Rachel, but his aunt had the worst time of it. She kissed Rachel's head softly. "We'll be right back, bug. Stay with Noah, please."

Noah turned back to Rachel with a soft grin. "I brought some snacks for you." He said with a grin, but it faded slightly. "I know you might not like some stuff, but …. I brought it anyway..."

He pulled out a half eaten package of Oreos. More crinkles of the wrappers didn't have Rachel look up but Noah was pretty sure he saw her shift her eyes toward him. He arranged Skittles, a Butterfinger, Poptarts, and a package of Oreos, a candy bar and a sandwich bag of Goldfish.. He held up the bag of Goldfish.

"I brought these from home," he said with a tiny smile. "I remembered that they're your favorite. Do you remember?... You always liked them... even when you were vegan, you said it's okay it's not real cheese... Remember?"

Rachel didn't move. He leaned back and looked at her as he chewed lazily with his mouth open, hoping that his bad habits would get her to respond. It didn't work. He leaned back in his seat with a frown.

He frowned and looked around the room. The beeping and the noises seemed to surround him. He swallowed his food quietly and looked at the IV that seemed to be making the most noise in the world. He didn't need to hear the noises, because he knew them by heart. He had spent too much time in hospitals. He had spent too much time glaring at the animals on the wall. In this room, there were pictures on the wall of balloons and then there was a cartoon of monkeys on a bed. He knew that those things were there to make the kids feel better but he couldn't help but feel that they were mocking the children instead. It was as if they were telling them that their lives sucked so much they had to be surrounded by colors and animals in order to forget.

Noah looked back at Rachel and then back to the picture. He straightened and looked over at her with a heavy sigh. The noises and the smells of the sterile hospital brought him back to a different time and place.

_He tilted his head and glanced into the hospital room. _

"_Noah , you can go in and say hello," Natalie said from behind him. _

_He frowned and looked up at the woman. "She's not going to say anything back.," he muttered. _

_Natalie scrunched on the balls of her feet in front of him. "Why do you think that?" _

"_Because she hasn't talked in awhile. She... she used to talk a lot. She used to sing songs and they... didn't even have words... and... she stopped," he mumbled as he leaned back in the hallway wall. "She just stopped." _

"_Well, it helps if you keep talking to her like she's still here," Natalie encouraged. "She can listen. She can hear you. You just have to let her know you're here." _

_Noah glared at her. "That easy, huh? You didn't let Santana come." _

"_Well, your sister was having a hard morning," Natalie said. _

"_She threw a chair... That's not just a hard morning," Noah mumbled. He looked back into the room. "You're breaking my sisters." _

"_I'm sorry," Natalie said. "I don't understand, Noah." _

"_Santana's always been angry. …. My mumma says she's just... passionate..." he shrugged. "You're all just making her more angry... angrierrrrr." _

"_Well, that's something that we'll work on with her," Natalie said. "Just like we'll work on making sure that Rachel talks." _

_Noah shook his head. "It's only going to get worse." He looked up at her. "My mom can make Rachel talk. She can make Santana calm down. She always could." _

"_Why? Was your sister mad before?" Natalie asked. _

"_She was angry when I put my gum in her oatmeal," he shrugged. "Or when Blaire Elliott down the street beat her in kickball. Blaire was pretty good." _

_Natalie nodded and leaned against the wall next to him. "Things have changed, Noah. Your sister isn't mad for the same things anymore." _

"_I know that," he snapped loudly. He looked into the room. His head snapped up and heard the monitors beep louder. "What's that?" He watched doctors and nurses rushed in and an intern told them that they needed to leave. He frowned and watched as they gave Rachel a mask. "You're ruining everything. My sisters don't need me. They need my mom." _

"_Well, your mom is doing what she needs to do but we all have to do things before you can go home," she said softly as she led him down the hallway. _

In the present he opened her eyes and blinked to take in his surroundings.

"Hey, bud," Bear said from another chair across the room.

"What did she mean?" he asked.

"What?" Bear asked.

"Who?"

"Natalie, what did she mean?" Noah asked.

Bear glanced over at the bed. He could see Rachel's downcast eyes were shifting.

"Noah, what are you talking about?"

"She said that Mom needed to do things before we go back with her," Noah said remembering. "She didn't do anything wrong... why …. she didn't do anything wrong."

Bear nodded. "It wasn't that she did things wrong, Noah. It was that things had changed and …. the department was offering her support services so that you guys could get the help you needed," he said softly.

Noah shook his head. "Well, it didn't work. We didn't get any help that we needed." He shook his head more angrily. "You're not just changing the game on Santana. You're changing it on all of us... You just didn't tell me all of the rules."

"Noah, let's talk about this outside," he said as the heart monitor started to increase.

"Fine," Noah said. He walked over to te bed and knelt down in front of Rachel. "Bug, I'm going to be outside. Okay? I'm going to fix this."

Rachel didn't respond, but Noah stood and walked heavily into the hallway. He put his hands on his hips. "What happened? I want to know. I want to know because things are all connected. I remember New York." He placed his fist on his own chest. "I remember! I remember that Santana and I got kicked out of school and we came back here. I remember that... I remember how hard she tried and I remember that we went to every appointment that they asked us to. I remember that!" He shook his head. "But …. I … I was still angry. I was... I had to go away..." He looked up at his uncle. "Explain it to me. Explain to me why the game is changing."

"Noah, no one is being sent away. It's not about pointing fingers. Your mother and this family has done the best that they knew how to do-"

"But! But what?"

"What you feel, what the girls are going through. It's never going to go away overnight. It's may not ever go away... There have been so many opportunities for us to do better, but we were scared. We were scared because we remembered what it was like in New York. So we continued to walk on eggshells."

Noah frowned and looked at him. He felt a breath hitch in his chest. "That's not fair," he said shaking his head. "We... we tried."

"No one said that you all weren't trying your best, Noah," Bear said as his nephew's cupped his face. "But we were all in so many ways trying to build a house with no real plan. We can spend eternity pointing fingers at each other or we can try to move on."

Noah shook his head as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat but couldn't, causing the tension to be released through tears. "I thought that was what we were doing," he whispered.

"Noah, this is not your fault. Look at me, Noah," he whispered.

"I don't care about that anymore," he whispered. "It'll always be someone's fault. Santana always wonders what she could have changed if she was taller." He met his uncle's eyes. "I know her." He shook his head. "My mom always wonders about what if she didn't go to London. Rachel …. I know she thinks about now what if she said something... about Will … and Quinn wondered what would have happened if her parents had been caught earlier or she had said something. We can't live in the what if because that our whole life..." He shook his head. "I want to talk about the what now. I want to know what's going to happen _now._"

"We're waiting this out, Noah, in terms of the girls getting better," Bear began.

"Don't lie to me," he said with a frown. "You have a plan and I want to know it now. I'm eighteen. I'm not a kid anymore and I haven't been for a long time."

Bear looked at his nephew. He could see how much had changed in this one moment. "Quinn is having a VERY minor procedure done. So minor that your mother thought it would be easier and cause less strain if you kids didn't know about it. They're putting in a central port so they can get her medicine in faster and heal faster. Without her spleen, Noah, she can get sick very fast and this will get her the medicine she needs quicker."

Noah stared back at him, unsure if to be angry that they didn't mention it or grateful that he was telling him the truth. "... and it's minor?"

"It's super simple. She'll be in and out in no time."

"Isn't she scared?" Noah asked.

Bear chewed his lip. "Her fever is so high right now, Noah, that if we told her she wouldn't even know. She's in and out of consciousness so much."

"What about Rachel? and San?"

He glanced behind them into Rachel's room. "They're going into a day program upstairs."

"Why upstairs?" he asked.

"It's the pediatric psych unit," Bear said gently. "Santana, can go home if they want but they still want to try to observe Rachel. Her fever did break but... they want to watch her." "And when Quinn is well enough she will join both San and Rachel".

"... What for?" he asked.

"There's a concern if she continues the way that she is... not responding... it's not just that we want her to talk, Noah," Bear stated. "Her body is still weak. She's not eating... or functioning..."

"I … uh... I brought her snacks," he said quietly. "... She didn't... she wanted any."

Bear patted his shoulder. "I saw that," he smiled gently. "That's why Rachel will probably stay down here but attend the day program upstairs when she can. There's a concern that she might be... what they call failure to thrive. She's shutting down mentally and physically and they're going to put her on a feeding tube tomorrow if things don't improve."

Noah looked over his shoulder back into the room. "She'll be okay," he whispered. "They'll be okay." He turned and looked at his uncle. "You gotta tell me this stuff. Okay? I get why you didn't tell them, but... I deserve the truth."

"Rachel and Santana know that they're doing the day program. Your mother told Rachel this morning and she's going to tell Santana this afternoon. When Quinn feels better she will tell her too, because Quinn will go to a similar group." Bear paused for a moment. "And you're going too, Noah." The boy looked up. "Your mom can explain it better but there will be a group, and then a clinician and a mentor-"

"I had one in New York. I don't need one," he said with a mumble.

"Do you really believe that?" Bear asked. He took a deep breath. "You're going to see them, Noah."

"Fine," he muttered. "I don't need it though."

Bear shrugged. "Maybe, we'll see."

…..

Santana was silent. Shelby had been ready for yelling and screaming, but she hadn't braced herself or been prepared at all for the silence.

"Can we go?" Santana asked quietly.

Shelby soaked in Santana's features. She was wearing Shelby's sweatpants from Columbia that had been worn from time and use. Santana had "borrowed" them before but not in years. She was wearing her father's sweatshirt and Noah's "man-Uggs," as Rachel used to call them. She was swimming in everything. She looked more lost than ever.

Shelby gave her a soft smile. "San, let's find something that you're comfortable in and that fits you."

Santana remained quiet but nodded slightly. She followed her and sat silently on Shelby's bed as her mother looked through the closet.

"San, you didn't really say anything to what I told you before," Shelby said as she offered Santana a pair of sweatpants. "These ones are a little smaller," she smiled. "They are from my undergrad years. My butt was smaller then."

She gave Santana a wink. Santana just looked back at her quietly. Shelby grabbed a shirt and pulled if off of the shelf, silently suggesting that she wear it under her father's sweatshirt. Santana changed silently, without argument.

"San, talk to me," Shelby whispered.

Santana gave a tiny shrug. "What?"

"What's going on? I told you about the group you're going to do and the work that we're going to try to do with you and you haven't said anything."

Santana gave another shrug of her shoulder. "You think there's something wrong with me," she whispered. She looked up tearfully. "Don't you?"

"Santana," Shelby said with heartbreak. "That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean?" she asked honestly.

Shelby sighed quietly and pulled Santana's hand into hers. "You mean the world to me, Santana, and I hate that you're struggling...It's not that there's something wrong with you, San. It's more like... I did you a disservice. I thought... I thought Elyse was helping and I think that she was in so many ways, but she really wasn't in a lot of others." Shelby paused for a moment. "Santana, in New York you should have gotten more care."

"I'm okay, Mom," she said turning to look at her. "I promise. I'm... I'm just …. I …"

"San," Shelby whispered putting her hand on hers. "You have been angry and you have been confused and you have been trying to tame all those feelings inside you for far too long." She looked at her daughter for a moment. "I didn't know about the boys that you had been with -"

"Mom, I thought we...we were okay with that. I …. I'm better. I don't do that anymore. I know that it's bad," she said rapidly. "I'm with Brittany now and...I'm okay."

Shelby searched the features of Santana's face. "San, you don't have to be okay. I'm not okay. I just... I want you to be able to feel what you feel without feeling like you have to bury it deep inside of you. What happened to you was so hard and horrible and I don't think we tell you how much -"

"How much it sucked?" Santana asked. "I'm all better, Mom. I am. Yes, I've been getting a little mad... but... I'm not like how I used to be..." She trailed off. "I'm fine now. They told me I was better and that I … was okay."

"In so many ways, San, you are," Shelby said brushing her hair out of her face.

"I didn't need trauma therapy anymore because... I was okay. Rachel needed it because she still had it... and she was still panicking. remember I hadn't done that in a long time."

"Santana, there are different ways that people have what you and Rachel have and... yours was a lot more subtle than hers was and I'm so sorry that I didn't see it... as clearly as I do now."

"See what?" Santana asked.

"See that you're scared and were panicking in the only ways you knew how to. You were being impulsive and angry." Shelby paused for a moment and looked deep in her eyes. "Santana, when you ripped the television off of the wall, what were you feeling?"

"Like it to stop," she whispered without hesitation.

"What to stop?" Shelby asked.

Santana shrugged. "I don't know. It's just... this feeling I get sometimes."

Shelby gave a nod. "Like when you say you're feeling full?"

Santana had coined that phrase long ago. She had originally stated that she felt so condensed with feelings and emotions she couldn't handle anymore; she was full. She had been eight years old when she had told Shelby that. It had been a few months before they had moved to Lima.

Santana nodded. "But it goes away... It's like I'm not me for a minute... and then... I wake up."

"Baby, it's not supposed to be this hard. Everything that you're feeling and you're processing is stuff that I should have done better to help you with. We would have-"

"What?" Santana asked. "Help me with what?"

"San, I should have listened to you better and... I'm sorry. This program will help you. You're not going anywhere. It'll be like going to an afterschool program... a club." Shelby assured her as she rubbed her back.

Santana scoffed and shook her head. "It won't be a club, Mom."

"It won't?" she asked.

"It will be a shit fest of emotions and teenage hormones," Santana replied.

Shelby laughed. "That's true, but we need to try this, San. I'll be with you every step of the way"

"I know," she whispered. "That's not what I'm so nervous about."

"What are you nervous about?" Shelby asked.

"The steps themselves," she mumbled.

Shelby took her hand and pulled her into a tighter hug. "Of all the women in the world, Santana, I know that you can take them."

Santana reached out and took her hand. "Thanks, Mumma," she whispered. She looked up at her after a moment. "I don't thank you enough."

Shelby gave a tiny smile back."Thanks," she whispered as she leaned in and kissed the top of her head.

Still after talking Shelby kept looking at Santana as she reliving the moments where she had gone wrong. The moments that she thought she could have been better. They entered the hospital and she could tell Santana was tensing. Shelby reached out and took her hand with a tiny smile. Santana accepted her mother's hand and followed her closely down the hallway that was becoming way too familiar.

"You know what?" Santana whispered. Shelby looked at her as they exited the elevator. "I hate all the animals everywhere. I think it's tacky."

Shelby smiled. "I couldn't agree with you more."

They rounded the corner and entered the room.

No one was there except Joey who was sitting there silently reading a magazine.

"What's...happening?" Santana asked trying to coax herself silently to remain calm.

"Dr. Pierce wants Rachel to get an CAT scan on her kidney before she discharges," Joey said quietly as she folded up her magazine. She gave a soft smile to San as she entered the room. The tenseness in Santana's body clearly showed her panic the was pounding to the surface.

"Where... where is Quinn?" she asked

Shelby exchanged a look with Joey with a deep breath, silently telling her that they needed to tell her.

"San, Quinn went for a simple procedure. Basically, they're giving her a portable IV," Shelby said calmly.

Santana looked around. Where were they? What did they mean procedure? "What... "

"San," Shelby said gently. "It's really minor. So minor that I know they would be fine without me here."

Santana shook her head. "You didn't tell me because you didn't think that I could handle it," she said with a heavy breath.

"Santana, I didn't want to worry you when you didn't need to. You're still the child and I'm the mother," Shelby said trying to approach her.

"No," Santana said pushing herself from her mother. "You need to be with them. They need you."

"They're okay, San. You need me too," Shelby said softly, trying not to see the storm that was coming.

Santana shook her head. "No. No. No. I need them here, Mom. I need... I need them here."

"I know that, San."

"No, you don't know," she yelled as she felt something inside of her reaching a new level. It was if she was on the edge and she had no other choice but to jump. She barely registered that people were talking around her or that Gretchen was being paged. All she saw was her mother. They had had a good morning and now they were alone... or it felt like they were alone. Santana never ached for that. She knew that her sisters needed her mother more. She was Santana Corcoran. She didn't need anyone and having her mother offer herself to her in this moment as they stood alone in a hospital room missing two beds, it all just hurt. It hurt too much.

"Santana."

"Santana," another voice called.

She needed it all to go away, she realized. She reached for the first things she could get her hands on. She broke it. She didn't even know what it was, but it was in pieces.

"Santana," she heard more sharply.

She felt arms wrap around her and she fought against them. She couldn't do this. She needed to get out of here. She had to find her.

"Santana," she heard a more familiar voice.

She blinked, looked up and her mother was staring at her. She had assumed her mother had been holding her. She looked over her shoulder and it was the woman her mother had been talking to. Her ears seemed to open all at once. The room was so full of noise and everyone was looking at her.

"Santana, just breathe. Don't focus on any of them. Listen to me," the woman said. She fought against her harder. "Santana, look at your mom. Just look at her." Santana tried to block out her voice. She really tried, she even squeezed her eyes shut, but then she opened her eyes and she couldn't look away from her mother. "Everyone is right here with you, Santana. It's okay to be mad but it's not okay to break things. Take a breath. You're okay."

Santana looked at her mother. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Santana, it's okay," Shelby said carefully.

"No, it's not okay," she said feeling emotion in her chest.

"You're right, San," Shelby said. Santana didn't notice the glance that she exchanged with the woman. "It's not. Gretchen is right you can't break things like this anymore, but I still love you more than you know. We need to get a handle on this."

"And we will," Gretchen said.

Santana looked back at her mother. "Okay..." She frowned and looked at the empty room. "I can't be without them," she whispered.

"You can, San," her mother told her.

Santana shook her head. "I can't." She felt a swell in her chest. "I …. I... I wouldn't survive it."

"Santana, they're not going anywhere," Gretchen told her.

"You don't know that!" she bit at her and managed to push her away and reach for her mother. "None of you know!" She looked at her hands. "I wouldn't survive it. ….. I wouldn't let myself."

"Santana," Shelby said with a sob. "We're not there, baby."

"But it might," Gretchen said not breaking her gaze from Santana's defeated frame. "That is scary, Santana."

"Damn straight," she barked. She deflated again and looked at her hands. "No one knows that like me... it changes everything." She looked up at her mother. "I won't live through that again. I promise you that."

"Santana," Shelby said shaking her head. "I need you here. I love you too much -"

"You can't love me enough to make it all go away if they're gone," she said quietly. "This isn't me being morbid, Mom... I … just I know..."

"Santana, that's not going to happen-" Shelby said.

"But it might!" Santana interrupted. "They're not here... and... things can happen... and ….I promise I would do it fast." Shelby shook her head and let out a sob. "I promise I would do it fast," she whispered.

Shelby just stared back at her with tears running down her face. "I … I … Santana... I love you so much... and this devastates me."

Santana stared back at her honestly. "But... it shouldn't surprise you."

She held her mother's gaze for a moment and then looked at Gretchen. "I'm ready to clean up," she said plainly.

….

Quinn frowned as she woke up. She took a breath and swallowed dryly before opening her eyes. She blinked the fuzz from her eyes. Nothing in this room looked familiar and there was no bed next to her anymore. She remembered. Rachel. She was here with Rachel. She looked to her left and then to the right. No one.

Where was Rachel?

Her heart rate picked up and the panic increased. She moaned at the ache in her body. She opened and closed her fists. Her skin was so clammy. A noise moved above her. She shifted her gaze and saw a nurse working above her. She spotted a nurse playing with her IV again. She looked down at her chest. There were two small tubes poking out of her chest and they were taped down. She frowned. When could she get that thing out? She wanted out.

She looked around for her mother but she only saw Nana sitting at the end of the bed reading a magazine. Before she went to sleep Nana was telling her they were just doing a minor procedure on her so she would have the IV moved from her arm but she could go home with the new one. It would stay there for awhile and wouldn't hurt as much. They were right. It didn't but she wanted to be anywhere but here.

She felt her eyes sting. She was so confused. Nothing was making any sense to her.

"Quinn," she heard far away. She turned her head to her grandmother and saw her call for the nurse and took Quinn's hand.

"I think your fever is finally breaking," Nana said gently as she brushed her hair out of her face.

Quinn looked around again. She was grateful for her grandmother but that wasn't who she needed.

The nurse looked at her with a gentle smile and pushed more medicine in the bag above her head. "I will tell Dr. Pierce know you are awake, honey," the nurse told her softly.

Dr. Pierce entered the room with a relieved look. "Quinn honey, we will get you out of here as soon as you are better, but right now we are going to keep you about an hour more down here and then we will move you back to your room with Rachel. Maybe later we can try and get you up to take a shower. You can't get the new catheter wet similar to when you had your cast but it will help us get medicine faster to your body. You and Rachel also need to hold down some food before we even think of discharging either of you. It's now up to the two of you on how quickly you get released. Plus I think your mom wants to speak with you about other things that are going on."

He was saying so much, but she couldn't focus on him. She turned back to her grandmother.

"Where's Mom?" she whispered as her voice cracked. "I need Mom, Nana, please."

"She'll be here soon Quinn. Just let the nurses come check and make sure everything is ok and we can move you back to the room, honey."

Quinn started to tear up. "Nana, please get mom. I want to go home. Please. Let me go home."

Nana looked down at Quinn and gently shook her head at the girl. "Quinn, you can't go home yet. You just had surgery. It was a minor one but it was still surgery. Your fever has not been gone for 24 hours yet. They are giving you more medicine through your new central port and that should get the medicine in faster, but honey, you are not going home until Dr. Pierce says it's okay. You also need to be able to keep down food and move around on your own a little before you go home."

"Please, I am sorry. I want to go home. I am fine now just a little tired,but I can sleep at home," Quinn said desperately as she gripped onto Nana's hand. "Please."

The door opened and Quinn looked up hopefully. It was a nurse and an intern. Her chest clenched under the stress. "I want my mom," she whispered.

The intern checked her vitals. "Your meds worked awfully fast, Quinn," she said with a soft smile. "I think you just needed that extra push. We can move you downstairs back to your sister's room."

Quinn's gaze snapped up. "Rachel?"

The intern nodded. "Yeah, Rachel."

"Hey there," Shelby said with a soft smile as she came into the room.

"Mom," Quinn said trying to sit up. "What happened? What's going on? Where's San? Where's Rachel?"

Her mother looked at her tearfully, knowing something that she didn't.

"Santana's just up stairs and Rachel is finishing her test. We're going to finish up and we'll all meet back in your room. Okay?"

She reached out and grabbed her mother's hand. "Please. Don't leave me."

Quinn didn't know where her high level of attachment was coming from, but she knew that she needed her mother. With every additional second she was awake, she remembered another detail of the courtroom. She remembered. "What happened? How long was I asleep? Is he gone? Is Rachel okay?"

Shelby gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. "Q-Bear, I need you to focus on resting. I'm just focusing on everyone right now too.-"

Quinn looked at her with a deep set frown. "Please. What happened?"

Shelby shook her head. "I don't know," she said honestly.

"Why?"

"Because my attention has been here, Quinn, with you and your sisters and brother," she said quietly moving her hair out of her face.

Quinn frowned for a moment and remembered the conversation that had happened earlier... it felt like forever ago. New therapist... new programs... a team.

"I didn't mean what I said earlier, Mom," she said with as much conviction as she could muster. "I don't need that."

"I really don't," she said weakly. "I'm fine. I … Um... I feel fine. San and Rachel might need it but I don't."

She could tell her own voice was still weak and she knew it was difficult to conceal that. She knew she didn't sound or feel like herself, but she was determined to leave her. She was determined to move on. She couldn't look back anymore. Not only did it hurt too much, but behind her were things that would hold her back. She couldn't focus on that anymore. She couldn't even consider them. Forgive and forget right? She looked up at her mother. She wasn't sure if she would accept that. It had been barely four months, maybe five? That was it. Wasn't that enough?

"We'll see, Quinn. Let's get you moved downstairs okay?" her mother said quietly.

Quinn looked at her mother for a moment and paused. She felt like she was waking up to a changed world. There was something different and she wasn't sure if she was ready to change with it. They had brought her downstairs and were able to sit up for the first time. It was a head rush, but she felt miles better. It had been an hour or so since she had woken up and the had placed a plate full of mush in front of her. She really wasn't in the mood. She stared at the food in front of her with a frown. She was waiting for too long and she was still only stuck with Nana. Suddenly Nana started toward the door.

"Where are they?" she asked. "Where are you going?"

"They're coming," a new voice said from the door.

Nana looked at Quinn. "This woman is going to talk to you for a bit, Quinn. I'll be right outside."

"Who are you?" Quinn frowned.

"Gretchen," the woman said as she sat down.

"What are you doing in my room?" she asked looking at the door.

"We're going to meet quickly," she said.

"Don't you see that I'm sick?" she bit.

"You certainly seem a lot better than you did earlier," she said.

Quinn frowned. "I am and I'm ready to home and you're the last person I want to talk to."

"I can understand that," Gretchen replied as she sighed and watched Quinn's features. "I want to try to talk to you about thing that have happened."

"Why? Can't it wait?" she asked.

"Not really," Gretchen replied. "I see you haven't touched your food."

"I'm ready for my sisters," she said. "Something happened and I'm needing answers."

"Well, did they tell you about about the feeding tube?"

Quinn rolled her eyes. "They did, but they won't use it."

"How do you know?"

"They're bluffing," Quinn said folding her arms.

"Are they?"

"My sister's girlfriend's father is my doctor," she said.

"Doesn't that make his worry higher?" she asked.

"Well, I don't really need one," she replied.

"You're not eating," Gretchen pointed out. Quinn rolled her eyes. "I guarantee that you need to step up and take care of yourself first. I'm sure they'll give you a few more days since you just woke up."

"Did you just come in here to talk to me about nutrition?" she asked with a frown.

"No," Gretchen said as she eased back in her chair. "I wanted to talk to you about you."

"And say what?" she replied.

"There have been a lot of changes," Gretchen began.

"So," she asked. "I'm happier with them... obviously. I'm sure you had some light reading about me." She sneered her last few words.

"Quinn, feel free to continue being rude to me but I certainly won't be rude to you."

"I'm not being rude," she frowned. "I'm telling you how things are. Life sucks and you get over things."

"Is it that simple?" Gretchen asked.

"It has to be," Quinn replied looking over at the empty bay where Rachel's bed was. "She was the first person who welcomed me into the... the family. Santana and I hated each other..."

"I know that you're close," Gretchen nodded.

"...She's like … she's like all the good parts of me squeezed into one person... or all the good parts that I wished I had." She shook her head surprised by her own honesty. "I don't want to talk to you. I don't need to."

"Why not?"

"Because, what happened happened and I don't need to talk it out. I just need to move on. It was months ago."

"Sometimes it takes decades to process things," Gretchen said.

"I'm not one of those people," she said looking at the door again. "I don't need that. I just need to move on."

"Quinn, you are a strong girl. It doesn't take a doctor to know that," Gretchen began.

"Wow, I really hope we're paying you the big bucks," Quinn replied dryly.

Gretchen arched her brow. "I do too," she smiled. "Quinn, all that you've been through takes some processing. It's been a lot and it's all been difficult."

"I don't need you to get into my head to tell me that," she whispered.

"I don't want to talk about my father or my childhood or my mother or the trial," she said as she looked at her hands. "I don't."

"Okay," Gretchen said.

"I'm over it," she said simply.

"You're over it?" Gretchen asked.

"Yes," Quinn said simply. "I … I heard something on the radio and...it was before I moved in with the Corcorans. The DJ was making fun of that guy... you know Britney Spears's old boyfriend …."

"Why were they talking about him?" Gretchen asked.

"Because he was asking for money from Michael Jackson's estate... They told him that he should get over it because it happened so long ago." She looked up at Gretchen. "I'm getting over it. I'm moving on. I don't want to think about that stuff and talk about it until I turn blue. What good will it do?"

"It might give you some answers," Gretchen replied. "They shouldn't have said that on the radio."

"Why? People think that," she asked. She shrugged. "But... I mean … people use it because its sensitive. I don't even know if it's true. You know?" She shrugged. "My birth parents..." The phrase still sounded strange on her tongue. "They …. they kinda sucked. Why not just move on?"

"You were raised by them for sixteen years," she said.

Quinn nodded. "It wasn't that they were always bad people... It just... and it wasn't that I woke up and that they were suddenly different. It slow..."

"They were inconsistent," Gretchen said.

"My father bought me things... and my mother," Quinn shrugged. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Okay," she nodded gently.

"I don't want to talk to you at all," she said more fiercely. "Can you leave?"

Gretchen nodded. "In a few minutes. Quinn, we are going to talk regularly. We can end today, but I wanted to let you know that we'll be meeting on a regular basis."

"Go help someone else," Quinn said looking at the door, wishing she could run out.

"Well, for the time being I'm going to work with your family," she said.

"I want you to think about things that you want to talk about."

"I don't want to talk about anything," she said. "I just need to get some air."

"That's a good idea," Gretchen replied. "Perhaps for our first time together you and I can just go for a walk."

"I'm pretty trapped here," Quinn said with a frown.

"Well, you're going to get better and they''' most likely will keep you for a bit until you can get a little better. Santana's going to meet with me either today or tomorrow and Rachel is going to meet with me soon too. Noah too."

"I don't need to talk to you."

"Well, to really see if that's true you have to meet with me for a bit. That's just how it works." Gretchen stood up and pointed to the food. "You should eat something."

"Or what?" Quinn narrowed her eyes.

"I told you or what," Gretchen said.

"Well, I'm waiting for my family," Quinn said as Gretchen peaked into the hallway.

"They're on their way."

….

Noah followed close to Rachel's gurney. She hadn't spoken. She refused to look at him the whole time. The perky intern kept talking to her like she was going to look back at her. He felt her panic when they lifted her gown and did the ultrasound. He wanted to shake her. He wanted to yell and make her come out of it. He wanted to hold her but he knew that they couldn't. It was so much different than her being under the stairs... It was so much worse.

"She's sees you here, you know," the intern said. "And I know that she appreciates you."

"What do you know?" he asked with a frown.

"I know that she looks at you when you're not looking," he said.

He looked over at the man and then down at Rachel. "She's not dead, she's just... she's thinking …. she's soaking it all in... She...I'm not stupid I heard you're all sending her up to the loony bin... and... she doesn't need that."

"It's not the loony bin," the intern replied. "It's the psych wing. She might be an outpatient here for a bit because she's still not eating."

"... She's just...She... it's her body and …. we're trying," he replied.

"Well, she's not 100% better because she's not trying hard enough," the intern said simply.

"How can you say that?" he asked with a deep set frown.

"Because it's true," the intern shrugged. "You gotta want to be better. Mind over matter and that crap."

Noah looked at him with a frown. "Aren't you supposed to be a doctor?" He shook his head. "You don't know anything about us."

He nodded. "I am a doctor, but that doesn't mean I can't see what's in front of me." He shrugged. "Listen. I don't know you and you don't know me, but I see her watching you when you're not looking. She's in there. She's catatonic. She just needs someone to tell her it's okay to come out."

Noah looked at him. "It's not that simple. That's what we've been doing. She knows we're here. You said so herself."

"She's your sister, man," the intern said. Noah looked at him and then watched as Rachel was returned to their room on the pediatric wing. He frowned when he saw his mother but not Santana. He looked back at the intern with a sigh. "What I'm saying is you gotta try the basics. You have to stop tip toing around her and just... try."

"What do you know about it?" he asked with a frown.

"I have a sister who everyone treats as fragile and...they're so careful about how they are around her that they forget the simple things. She's in there. You just have to pull her out," he shrugged.

Noah looked over at Rachel and then back at the intern. He watched as mother talked to Tom and his grandmother and uncle.. There were so many people around. He narrowed his eyes and watched Rachel's tense body relax ever so slightly as she caught sight of Quinn in the room. He gave a slight smile and looked over at the intern who smirked as he started backing away. He arched his brow.

"I told you so," he said before he turned forward and walked away. Noah watched as

Noah shook He looked up as the elevator open and saw his sister sitting there in a wheelchair with a deep set frown on her face. He frowned and walked briskly to her.

"What's going on?"

Santana rolled her eyes weakly. "They're not committing me," she said dryly. she spun her pointer finger in the air. "Yay, me."

Noah knelt in front of the wheelchair. "Can we have a sec?" he asked his aunt.

Joey narrowed her eyes. "A minute," she said. "Don't leave this spot."

Noah rolled his eyes and turned to Santana after Joey stepped away.

"What?" Santana asked with a shaky breath.

Noah took her hand. "What happened?"

"I freaked out," she mumbled as she pulled slightly at the ends of her fingers. "I messed up again."

"Naw, he grinned. "You're just letting off some steam."

"It's not funny, Noah," she whispered.

He sighed and looked at her. "You're not crazy. You're just so pissed and angry that you can't see what's in front of you."

She gave a nod. "Yeah... They think that this new doctor can help me...I'm feel like I'm in pieces," she whispered.

"Maybe you are, but you're not crazy. Okay? Just because you need help doesn't mean something is wrong with you."

"That doesn't make any sense," she whispered with a slight grin.

He squeezed her hand. "San, I promise you you're not alone in this."

"When you... when you pushed that boy through the window... and then went away …. did it fix it?"

"What? Fix what?"

"You," she asked honestly.

He shrugged. "I'm still me. I still feel angry all the time, but … I'm a little put back together..." He sighed for a moment and looked up at her. "When I went away, I … I talked a lot... Not at first... but … eventually...about what happened. It kinda helped."

"You don't talk about it here," she said quietly.

"Because it's too hard here... it was easier with people I didn't know, he remembered. I didn't have to feel about how they would feel when I told them." He looked at her. "We don't talk about Dad because sometimes you get too sad and you're already sad enough." Her head snapped up and she stared at him in surprise. "I know you are, San. Don't lie." He shrugged. "Maybe this will help."

She chewed her lip. "Yeah, maybe." She looked at her hands and he watched as her mouth twitched as he tried to keep her tears in. "I'm scared," she whispered. She looked up at him as the tears began to fall. "What if it all falls apart all over again?"

"You won't," he said simply.

"How do you know?"

"I won't let you," he whispered. "I'll be with you every step of the way, San. You forget that you're not alone all the time. I'm promise that I'll remind you of that everyday."

She rolled her eyes with a weak smile. "Thanks," she whispered.

"Anytime," he smiled.

…..

Shelby sighed and rubbed her temple and took a deep breath. She soaked in the words that Gretchen and Tom were telling her. She was able to see that Rachel was curled away from Quinn despite the blonde's gentle words and Santana was down the hallway talking quietly to Noah.

"So she didn't meet level of care?" Shelby asked after soaking in their words.

Gretchen shook her head. "What does that mean?" Helen asked.

"It means that she doesn't need to be admitted to psych," Joey replied.

Shelby looked over her shoulder and watched Noah talk gently to Santana. "I'm worried about her," she said.

"We know," Bear said rubbing Shelby's shoulder. "We all are. We're worried about everyone."

"I think that it might be beneficial to try to talk to them today," Gretchen said. " I talked with Doctor Pierce about how he and his teams have been trying to get Rachel to eat and that a feeding tube is the next step."

"It is. They're thinking the same for Quinn," Shelby said darting her eyes between everyone else. "... They have to put it in their nose and they're going do it while they're awake."

"I think we need to try to talk to them about it again," Gretchen said. She looked at Tom as he approached the group. "I think that it'll be more traumatising to force a tube down their throat."

"They have no nutrients in their bodies," he said with concern. "The IVs can only offer so much. We've been offering Rachel foods for days."

"And we have been also trying to get her to eat too," Helen interjected.

"But she hasn't. The medicine that has been working isn't. Her fever has gone up to 101 again. It's still mild considering her health and that it was so high before, but..." He looked at Gretchen.

"I was looking at their past diagnosis," Gretchen began.

"Rachel has Adjustment disorder and PTSD. It was ruled out for my two older kids," Shelby rattled off as she folded her arms. Shelby narrowed her eyes and looked at Gretchen. "Know that an idiot clinician in New York also tried to diagnose Santana with ICD. That's not accurate. You and I both know that clinically that's incorrect."

"Shelby, I am not diagnosing her with anything. Your kids have been judged enough I just want to meet with them."

"Wait, what's ICD?" Joey asked.

"Impulse Control Disorder," Shelby said tightening her arms. "Quinn hasn't been diagnosed with anything yet. Clinically there was a lot of work still to do. There was so much that we were trying to stabilize for her."

"There was a lot of change and new trauma going on," Gretchen said.

Shelby frowned. "What are you saying?"

"Being raped by your father and becoming pregnant, being removed from your home, your birth mother dying suddenly in car crash, moving into a new family, being adopted by the family plus the trauma with Will and the responsibility that she feels for that," Gretchen said calmly. "And now this. Feeding tubes are a bad idea."

"I know that," Shelby said pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I talked Quinn,," Gretchen said. "I think that we can talk to her more about eating and she can respond. It's about control."

"You don't think I know that?" Shelby asked with frustration.

"I'm sorry," said with a shake of her head. "I need to help them I need to figure out how to do this the best way."

Gretchen nodded and spotted Noah and Santana looking at her with her heightened voice. "Can I talk to you alone in here?"

Shelby nodded and walked into the conference room. "Yeah?"

"You need to pull it together," Gretchen said quietly.

"I know," Shelby said with a frown. "I just..." She paused and looked towards the hallway. "I can't make another mistake."

"You will, Shelby, because you're human," she said.

"But I can't... we're all falling apart and it hurts too much and I can't make another mistake. We're all barely holding it together."

"You're doing the best you can, Shelby," Gretchen said.

"Well, my best isn't good enough," Shelby said.

"It's going to have to be," she said simply. "We are all here to support you but no one expects you to be perfect."

"Everyone is holding it together and fairly well," Gretchen said.

"Sort of," she whispered. "What do I do?"

"You trust yourself again," Gretchen said.

"I don't want to push them too far or make things worse."

"They won't." She sighed. "I'm going to talk with Noah for a few minutes and then I'll talk with Santana. Spend some time with Rachel... I've noticed you've spent less time with her since you've been here."

"That's not true!"

"She has had most of my attention for years and because of that I've..." Shelby trailed off and looked at the ground.

"What we talk about in here, stays in here, Shelby," Gretchen said quietly.

"I'm not going to blame my children," she whispered.

"I'm not saying you are," Gretchen said.

"I don't know how to help her or make her feel safe. This trial has brought us all to our knees," she said quietly. "I don't know where to go from here."

"Forward, Shelby," Gretchen said. "Rachel, Santana, Quinn and Noah have held it together for so long because of you. No one else. Trust yourself and your instincts."

Shelby gave a smile and a shake of her head. "That easy huh?" He licked her lips. "Has anyone told you why it's such a big deal that we lost George? Or what their father meant to Santana? The burdens that Quinn and Noah are experiencing?"

"They're four very different kids and we'll treat them as them. They are all very reliant on each other and we need to remind them that they can stand on their own. We can do this. But we can't until you trust yourself and you trust me."

Shelby sighed and looked at her with a new understanding. "Okay."

However, Shelby confidence shifted again once Tom told her about Rachel. Shelby stared back at Tom blankly. She wasn't sure how to process all that he was saying. She could feel her mother next to her with high concerns. The procedure had gone well with Quinn. She knew it would but she felt relieved nonetheless. However, she couldn't soak in the words about Rachel.

"You said that she was better. The fever broke and she is better," Shelby said. "We just need to get her evaluated upstairs and they did that-"

"They didn't," Tom said.

"What?" Shelby asked as she looked at her mother. "I thought that they were going to try to do that while I was gone too... take some … pressure off of it. Gretchen and I thought that some of the anxiety was surrounding the build up about things..."

"Well, I don't know if that's true for all situations, but for Rachel, anytime anyone approaches her that's not someone in the family, her heart rate skyrockets," Tom explained.

Shelby looked at her mother. "... That's... yeah... she just...Yes, she's like that, but her heart rate goes up when we try to be near her too."

Tom nodded. "Your son had been in there with her, but she's been unresponsive. Shelby, I think she might need that contact. She honestly needs some contact I think. If I remember the last time she was in the hospital, she responded well to being held."

"Well, it isn't last time," Shelby snapped. She bowed her head and pinched the brow of her nose. "I'm sorry. It's just I can't touch her if she doesn't want to be touched. All my kids know this. It has to do with her trauma history."

"I understand that, Shelby," Tom said, "but I think you should consider it."

"I can't push her more," Shelby said. "I want to hold her but I can't hold her and make this go away. She was responding some before, but not anymore..."

"Shelby, just try," Helen said.

"I'm not messing things up more than I already have," she replied with a frustration.

"Shelby, I don't know Rachel," Gretchen began. "But from what I read she responds to you. She responds to your touch. I'm going to meet with Santana and Quinn is going to go get one last test and Noah's going to go with her. Stay with Rachel and try."

"Sometimes, all anyone needs is that human contact."

"She loves to be held," Helen interjected.

"But I don't want to push her," Shelby said.

Shelby watched the other kids leave the room. It was just her and Rachel. She gave a small sigh and slowly approached the bed

"Rachel?" she called out.

She didn't move.

"I'm really happy that you're feeling a little better," Shelby said with a soft smile as she sat down next to her.

"You know what we were thinking, Rachel?" the intern began. "We were thinking that you can use some time with your mom. I'm going to unhook this stuff okay?"

No response.

The intern removed the IV bag and the heart monitor on her finger. Rachel continued to lay there silently looking at blankly ahead.

"Can I hold you, Rach? I can do it just for a little while and then myself and your nana are going to give you a quick bath in the bathroom okay? You and Quinn are getting a little stinky," she said hoping to coax a smile. She frowned. Nothing. The heart monitor wasn't hooked up anymore so she would never knew if Rachel's heart was beating fast. Trust your instincts, she heard in her head. She reached out and picked Rachel up gently. Her body was limp but there was a moment, it was weak, but it was there where Rachel fell into the hug and let her head rest on Shelby's shoulder. She was still in there. Shelby rubbed her back gently and gave a tearful smile. She was still there.

.…

Santana sat in the room. She knew it wasn't this woman's office and she wasn't sure what she was in here,but she was here. All she knew was that the person on the psych floor said that she needed to talk to someone sooner rather than later.

Santana looked at her with a frown a she set up a box and ceramic plates, mugs and bowls .

"What are those for? I'm not hungry. I don't see any food."

Gretchen continued to set the set up. It was a five piece set. Each piece was a different color but they were generally all matching. She set a pitcher of water next to the items and looked at Santana expectantly.

"I don't get it," Santana said with a frown.

"It's an activity. Please Pour some water in each of the items," Gretchen stated.

"Why?"

"I want to show you something," she said.

Santana rolled her eyes.

"Santana, you need to keep your attitude in check. I will respect you but I expect you to respect for me," Gretchen said calmly. "I'm not going anywhere despite your attitude. You and I can either sit here and have a conversation, respectfully or you can take some time for yourself. You strike me as a person who's no nonsense. You don't have to like me, but give me a chance. Okay?"

Santana gave a nod and rolled her eyes slightly. "I just...I'm crazy. She … just am dealing with some stuff right now and I … I get angry but I …. I hurt other people but... I never hurt Rachel and... it's not..." She frowned and shook her head. "I'm not crazy..."

"I never said you are," Gretchen said as she sat down.

"... I remember what it was like living in the shelter... I wasn't stupid... we heard people talking and looking at the kids that were angry... I tried to keep it together."

"Okay," Gretchen said sitting down. "And honestly, Santana, you've done an incredible job-"

"Stop," she said with a frown. "Everyone has always said that about me... and I just..."

"You survived the best that you could, Santana," Gretchen said softly. "But I think you've been floating around in your life boat for a long time. It's time to come back to land, Santana."

Santana scoffed. "My sister speaks in metaphors all the time." She stood up and looked at the items. "So pour water into these plates? and cups? and mugs? Is this a life lesson?"

Gretchen shrugged. "Probably, but mainly it's to have a discussion... a debate even."

Santana rolled her eyes and looked at the items. "Great."

She poured the water in the items. "Kay... now what?"

"Does it hold the water?"

Santana looked back and there was an increasing puddle underneath the items. She huffed and grabbed her sweatshirt before Gretchen could intercept her and tell her she already brought a towel. And Santana cleaned up the mess with her sweatshirt. and turned back to Gretchen who was looking at her with an arch of her brow.

"I have more, Santana said. "It's not big deal. It's just water."

Gretchen nodded, but remained silent.

"So the point of this is things leak when you least expect it?"

"It could be is that what you think?"

"I think whoever glued these things back together did a terrible job at it," Santana said as she examined the now damp pieces.

Santana put the pieces down thoughtfully. "Are you saying that things that are broken can't be fixed?" Her voice rang with a bit of hurt.

"No," Gretchen said.

"I'm saying that sometimes, part of it is that I think that it's time to get new plates no matter how much you love the old ones," she said.

"Well, your metaphor sucks, because I can't go exchange my siblings or my life at the nearest Stop N Shop."

"But in so many ways life is about new beginnings and new approaches-" Gretchen began.

"Well, life also has a way of keep throwing shit in your face," Santana said loudly.

"That's true," Gretchen shrugged. "Language by the way. We're definitely going to reinstill the swear jar." She paused. "Do you know why we do that?"

"Because it's rude to swear?" she asked with her eyes staring at the ceiling.

"Because if you swear at your knuckle head boss, you're fired," Gretchen replied. "We're trying to teach you that it's not okay, Santana."

"I wouldn't do that in a job."

"You might if they get in your face or on your nerves. It's your go to, Santana."

"People get angry. I have the right to be angry," she argued.

"You do, but property damage might get charges and fines filed against you if you continue this behavior."

"You don't know anything about me. You think you're going to give me a new plate and I'll be fine?!"

"I think you're holding together with tape and glue and you think that you're functioning perfectly. You're not. Things can be okay. You can take down your guard."

"Things are not okay! I let down my guard and bad things happen! Rachel was molested while I was at practice! My mom left and my dad died! I was there when he died! My stepfather then kidnapped us and raped my sister to the point where she was in the hospital for weeks and beat the shit out of my brother!" Santana breathed heavily.

"I know," Gretchen replied.

"You know because you read my file," she sneered.

"That's true," she replied. "But I also know that you never talk about you. You managed to reveal what happened to you in … two sessions in New York but nothing more. Do you remember what prompted that?"

"They told me they needed to know if anything happened to me... because... it would help to... to put him away..." she whispered. She looked up at her. "I don't see why I need to talk about what happened to me... because...I can't... I can't get that back."

"It's because it'll help you not feel like you're being held together by tape and glue, Santana." Gretchen sat down next to her. "I think that we can work together not to help make you feel whole and healed, but work together to learn to live with this."

"I have been," she whispered. "

"Well, it shouldn't be this hard and you shouldn't be this angry."

"Well, I am."

"We'll work on it," she said as she took a deep breath. "When we have our sessions, Santana, I want to focus on you. Not Rachel or Quinn or Noah or your mother. I want you to answer how you feel. Not how they feel or how you see them"

Santana looked at her with a frown. "What am I supposed to talk about?"

"This time is about you, Santana," she said carefully. "You are going to college before you know it and I hope so terrible that you'll be held together with a little less tape and glue. We have to work together. We are going to talk about a lot of things, Santana... Including what you remember before the trauma in New York to the trauma in New York to present day-"

"I have talked about trauma so much that it doesn't even mean anything," she said with a glare at the floor. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"I believe that you don't want to talk about it anymore, Santana, but I also believe that you've given them the least information as possible. You only told the story of your stepfather to your therapist in New York .. the full story...and then you halfway told Elyse recently...the rest the only time you've dodged it."

"Most kids have to tell their narratives all the time... I just...I don't want to... "

"Most kids don't want to either... "

"Just because I've told my story once, doesn't mean that I'm eager and ready to tell it again," Santana frowned.

"It's not how comfortable you are in telling your story that determines how healed and whole you are, Santana. It's so much more than that. We are going to go slow and work through all of this. This is all for you and I want you to realize how important you really are."

Santana rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"Do you understand why this is important for you?"

"Because you don't want me to throw a television at anyone?" she said. "I was sorry, by the way. I told them that too. I offered to help them clean up."

"But the blood and the debris was distracting them," Gretchen offered. "You need to be safe first, Santana."

"But I needed to help," Santana said urgently. "I ruined it..."

"You ruined the television, Santana, but you can't help if you're still bleeding."

Santana looked at her with a frown. " I feel as if that was another metaphor." She looked down at her hands. "I'm in here because they think that I'm crazy. Right?"

"You're not crazy... or any crazier than anyone else," Gretchen said.

"I think that's a flat out lie."

"I think that you have been faced with a lot Santana and you are holding up the best you can, but I need to now really take the time and work out some of that stuff. And only you can really take that step, Santana."

"Do you know how I can make my sister talk again?" she asked quietly.

"I don't. That's up to her too." Gretchen paused. "I think Rachel just needs to be reminded that it's okay to come out."

Santana nodded.

Gretchen went on. "And so do you, Santana."

Her head snapped up. "I'm not ready to talk about that," she said sharply.

"I meant as a whole, Santana," Gretchen said carefully. "I meant that you don't need to be so tough all the time. People are here to support you."

"I know..." she whispered. "Are we done?"

"We can be but we're meeting later this week too."

"Whatever," she whispered as she started to walk out of the room. She paused for a moment. "Thanks," she said barely audible.

Gretchen nodded at her and Santana walked out of the room and back into the room. She put her hands in the pockets of her mother's sweatpants. She was grateful that they didn't put her in a damn gown. She entered the room and saw Rachel rocking gently with Bear in the rocking chair. She could see that Rachel's hair was damp, like it was freshly washed. Her mother was guiding Quinn with her grandmother into the bathroom.

"Hey, stinky," Santana grinned at Quinn. "Nice to see you up."

"Shut it, Satan. I've had the plague for forever, what's your excuse?" Quinn smirked.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Santana said with a smile. She sighed and watched her uncle receive a phone call. She fumbled around in the pockets and paused. She pulled out the item in them.

She felt tears sting her eyes. The beads.

She felt her breath pick up. She didn't remember putting them in there.

"I have to go for a bit," he said to Joey who nodded. "I'll be back," he whispered as he laid Rachel back down on the bed.

Santana picked up a chair and brought it to the edge of Rachel's bed.

"Hi," she whispered.

Rachel didn't say anything. She didn't even look at her.

"Are you feeling better?"

Nothing.

She looked down at Rachel's hand that was next to her still. She wanted to pick her up and hold her too but she knew that she needed to be patient... She didn't know if she would be able to handle making Rachel cry because of her touch. Even though her uncle and her mother had held her. She just wasn't sure what her touch could offer.

"I brought you something," Santana muttered.

She carefully pulled the beads out from her pocket. they were still on the multicolored string that she had originally put them on years ago.

Rachel still didn't move. She didn't make a sound.

Santana reached out and placed the beads unceremoniously but tenderly in Rachel's open, limp hand. She quickly stood up. She couldn't bear watching them fall to the floor forgotten nor could she tolerate seeing them lay neglected in Rachel's unresponsive hand. She was going to do her deed and leave them. She wasn't …. she couldn't do anymore...

"Can I go for a walk?" Santana asked her aunt.

"I'll go with you. I need to stretch my legs," Joey said standing up. "Shel, we'll be back."

"Joy," Santana said as she walked out of the room followed by her aunt.

Shelby peaked her head out of the bathroom and looked over at the empty room besides her baby bug that continue to lay silently in her bed. She gave her daughter a soft smile as an intern entered the room. She didn't expect Rachel to do anything back, but she paused when she heard a soft clicking sound. It was less of a clicking and more of a shifting of something small and plastic. She looked back over at Rachel and paused. Her little hand was moving.

Rachel was palming and feeling the beads in her hand. Nothing else in her body was moving but her finger were running over the beds with care in silence. They were the same beads that Shelby had put in the pants pocket earlier that day in hopes of reminding Santana of the magic that the young girl had convinced everyone that they possess. Magic, she thought quietly to herself. They certainly were something and it was all because of Santana. She had to help her see that.

….

He sighed and looked at the woman with a frown. "So it's my turn?" he said with his arms folded.

"It is," Gretchen said.

"I will talk to you about whatever you want me to," he said.

"Well, this session is for you so I would like you to talk about what you want to talk about," Gretchen countered.

"... I'm fine," he said.

"Are you?"

"I think so," he said. "I'm just... trying to be supportive."

"I think you certainly are," she said.

"There has to be more that I can do," he said. "Can you tell me what more that I can do?"

"I think you're doing enough, Noah," Gretchen said. "You've been so involved. I even saw that you grandfather dropped of you guitar-"

"He's been at the trial. He won't say much about it since he snapped at my sister," he mumbled. "I don't think it's going well..."

"Noah, I wanted to know how you were feeling about all of this," she said.

"Helpless," he said. "But I always feel like that so it's no big deal."

"It is a big deal, Noah." She assured him with a kind smile. "I know that everyone is proud of you."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Do you sing?"

"What?" he asked caught off guard.

"You brought the guitar. Do you sing?"

"No...not really..." he mumbled. "I … just mess around with it..."

"Music was a big deal in your family," she said.

He shook his head. "Whatever. It was... it was...is .. important to Rachel... She's the only one I really play things for..." He thought for a moment. "There's a song my dad used to sing that we sing to her to make her feel better...It's a Beatles song..." He shrugged.

"Do you sing anything else?"

"Not really."

"Why don't I think that's true?" she said with a grin.

He shrugged bashfully. "I don't do it for anyone except if I'm related to them. Normally it's just Rachel." He paused. "I thought it would make her feel better."

"Does it make you feel better?"

He nodded.

"Can you tell me how?"

He frowned for a moment trying to find his words. "It makes it …. it hurt less... like he's still here... but it's me too... it's like I'm doing something."

"I think that you are," she said. "You're not helpless, Noah."

He frowned and looked at the floor. "I am …. I'm always on the outside."

"Outside of what?"

"All of it," he mumbled. "I wasn't in the room. He went after them and he never went after me."

"Hiram?"

Noah nodded. "I could never protect them. I could never do anything..." He looked t his hands. "I knew about Santana sleeping with those boys and I tried to stop it... but... I couldn't..." He sighed. "So I went to every party... but that didn't help... She never wanted to be saved."

"Is it about saving?"

"I don't know anymore..." he shrugged. "You read our file right? I don't have to tell you what happened? Please."

"You only have to tell me what you want, Noah."

"I ….. Sometimes it feels like I'm still there... it's not as bad anymore but sometimes it feel like it...Talking about it helps me... but it's so hard for them...I should have gotten out earlier. I don't care what you say, but I should have escaped earlier."

"But you didn't, Noah," she said.

"Why didn't I?" he asked.

"Maybe you were too scared to leave them... I don't know, Noah, but the point is that you did. and honestly, Noah, they never would have survived that night if you hadn't escaped that night," she said softly.

His gaze snapped up and he looked at her in surprise. "What?"

"I believe that. I believe because you were able to get medical help that that was the reason that they survived."

He looked away from her. "I …. I never thought about that."

"Thought about what?"

"That the would have died that night..." He chewed his lip. "At that point," he whispered. "I think that dying would have been too easy. We had no other choice but to survive."

"And you have," she said. "You sprinted all the way to the station."

He nodded. "Yeah..."

"They'll still be there if leave, Noah. It's okay to move on."

He shook his head. "Not yet." He stood up. "Can I go?"

She looked at him for a moment. "Do you have somewhere to be?"

"I want to talk to Rachel," he said realizing something... a memory.

"About what?"

"I have a song she hasn't heard."

She gave a nod. "I'll see you soon though."

He stood up and looked at her. "Kay."

He walked back into the room and saw that Rachel was lying silently as always. One of her hands was holding on tightly to something and the other was buried under her pillow. He gave a knock on the slightly ajar bathroom door.

"Ma?"

"Don't come in!" Quinn shouted.

"I won't,"Noah said putting his hand over his eyes anyway despite the door blocking his view. "Where are San and Aunt Joey?"

"They went for a walk," Shelby said.

"Can I... can I close the door?" he asked with his hand still over his eyes.

"Why?" Shelby asked.

He paused feeling the redness in his cheeks. "I have my guitar..."

Shelby peaked around the corner. "Sure, bud," she said quietly knowing that her son.

She closed the door and Noah went back toward Rachel Noah looked over his shoulder at the door once more, making sure it was closed. He turned back to Rachel.

"I brought my guitar," he smiled. "...I have a secret to tell you... A story..." He gave her a soft smile as he leaned forward toward her. "I know you can keep secrets, Rach." His smile faded slightly but he forced himself to shake his head of the memories of recent days as he pulled his guitar case closer. He pulled it out carefully and pulled the strap over his shoulders. He strummed a few chords quietly.

"When I was really little," he began as he moved his fingers over the strings. "You weren't born yet, but when Mom and Dad weren't fighting, they would dance... real slow in the kitchen. She would smile and he would whisper this song in her ear... slowly though... like this...I'll show you. .They didn't make a mix of it until recently... Or at least I didn't find it slow like he used to sing it until recently..." He looked down at his fingers making sure they were in the right place. "I …. I sometimes practiced the cords... It was hard to figure them out until I heard the slower version. It's not the same as the fast version... You'll see..." He gave a sheepish grin and began to sing quietly.

"When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you. And when I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you," he began. His voice was gentle and slow. It wasn't the fast paced version that had been popular at one time. Instead his voice was so soft that the song left his mouth like lullaby. "And when I come home, yeah I know I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be the man who's coming home to you. And when I'm dreamin', well I know I'm gonna dream. I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you."

He looked into face as her eyes remained open but her stare continued to be empty. He didn't see the bathroom door open slightly and his mother, grandmother, and sister peak out. He straightened and closed his eyes trying to ignite a new strength in himself as he continued to the chorus.

"But I would walk 500 miles, And I would walk 500 more," he sang with a crack in his voice. He wasn't just singing a song he was making a promise. He was declaring something that he always knew that he would be able to give her. He failed to notice Santana and Joey return to the outside of the room or the hospital staff that was gathering outside. It was just him and Rachel. He was making a promise, a vow, to her and no one else mattered. "Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles, To fall down at your door."

He looked at her silently as his fingers grazed the strings. He didn't care that the tears that were dripping down his face were falling on his guitar strings. "When I'm workin', yeah I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who's workin' hard for you. And when the money comes in for the work I do. I'll pass along every cent of it to you. And when I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you."

He refused to break his eyes from Rachel's lost ones as he continued with a shaky voice. It was so much more than a song. "And if I grow old, well I know I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you." He straightened and opened his voice with new breath. "But I would walk 500 miles, And I would walk 500 more, Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles, To fall down at your door. But I would walk 500 miles, And I would walk 500 more, Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles, To fall down at your door." He played the tiny interlude that had taken him too long to perfect. He paused for a moment and cleared his throat as he trembled and sang the last portion. "When I wake up, well I hope I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who's waking up to you. And when I'm dreamin', well I know I'm gonna dream. I'm gonna dream about the time I had with you."

He let out another trembling breath as he rested his guitar on his thigh. He didn't notice his aunt and uncle standing outside of the room with concern and heartache. His aunt had her hand over her heart. His focus was just Rachel.

"He … he used to sing it to her a lot," he said as he leaned closer to Rachel. "Bug, I know that you're in there. I know that you can hear me. I need you to come back here." He tilted his head and reached his hand out and rested it on the side of Rachel's bed. "I'm be waiting right here. Okay? I'll never leave you and I promise that things will get better than this."

Rachel continued to have her gaze tilted down. She didn't react. She didn't move. He had failed. He sat back in his seat with a frown and dejectedly started to pull his hand way.

But he stopped.

He looked down at his hand and Rachel's hand was wrapped around his fingers.

His gaze snapped up to her eyes and for the first time she was looking back at him. He moved his chair closer and looked at her with a tearful smile. "I won't leave. I promise," he vowed.

**Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think. The song I used was the cover "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) by Sleeping at Last. Thank you again for reading! Please let me know what you think. **


	65. Chapter 65

Cookie07 – Thank you for the review - never worry about the length - it makes me happy whether it is long or detail I just love that people take the time to still review. You will start to see more of what happened to Santana and even more of Quinn's home life. The other thing is that Rachel doesn't really know what has actually happened to her but she will start to learn that too. One of the reasons that is hasnt been about San is that San has never allowed it. She has never wanted it to be about herself and they have always followed her lead. Again thanks for reviewing.

Guest – 4 times WOW – thank you so much. Quinn has changed a lot since stepping into Shelby's house. To now be raised by such a loving family – she will continue to grow. But she will also have her struggles. Your English was fine – no apology necessary. I must apologize to you and each and every reader for such a long wait between updates. It is never my intention and life just seemed to get in the way each time I and my beta sat down to write this story. I am so grateful for your continued support.

OTHangels- Thank you as always.

Look4me – Its ok – I understand totally about not being able to review. Thank you for this latest review. I am not familiar with those characters but I will google them. The happy moments will be coming but these kids have been through a lot and the trial is not over yet.

1moredreamer – no worries about the late review as you can plainly see I am horrified with the length of time it has taken me to get this chapter out. You are correct Noah is awesome for this family – he is doing so well but he totally underappreciates himself. Rachel will have a tough time with treatment but actually all 3 girls are suffering and all 3 need therapy so badly and will receive it in different ways. Quinn has only had Elyse and it has been for a relatively short period of time and Rachel has been handled with kid gloves really. Shelby wasn't really afraid to approach Rachel she is just struggling with the idea that she is the cause of some of her discomfort. I hope this makes sense and as always thank you so much for the review.

IMHO – Thank you so much for your review. I need to read some of the reviews sometimes when I am feeling a little writers block to remind me that people are still enjoying these characters. Sorry I made you a blubbering mess though. Three times I am impressed!

Rhegianne – Thank you so much for your kind words. I am not much of a fan of glee anymore myself but I will say that it has allowed me to meet some amazing people. I am so glad you are enjoying this story!

FlatWeasley – Rachel will slowly get better but she has had such a tough time – she needs to find her strength again and as you can see slowly but surely she will get there. Noah is a rock! Thank you for your review.

JWilson18 – Thank you so much – Noah is a rockstar in my book and he never gives himself credit for all of the small things that he does. Shelby knows Santana more than both of them realize but with Gretchen they will see that they really don't know what is best for each other. Quinn is going to struggle and the issue with food is not that she doesn't want to eat but more so that she is so used to not eating – she associates it with bad things and she will have to learn to get around that. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Asmodeus Poisonteeth – Thank you for your review. I apologize for making you wait this long. Your words about my writing mean so much to me. I am so happy that you enjoy the story so much!

Fangirl44 – Gretchen is a change that this family has needed for a while. But it will be tough because these girls are so traumatized. It will take a lot of love and hard work but it will be worth it. Thank you for your review.

Anon – Lots of tissues and therapy will be hard but there a few lighter moments coming – I promise. Thank you for your review.

Ryoko05 – I am so glad you liked the song. They do make a lot of promises and that is what each one of them needs. Thank you for reviewing.

blueashke – I am sorry I made you wait so long. I am happy that even though you cried you thought it was worthwhile. Thank you so much for your support and patience with this story. It means the world to me.

Lolathe17th – I am glad you enjoyed the chapter so much. Noah always goes to music its something he gets from him dad. I think that is really important. And the beads are important too. They are inching forward. But it would not be realistic if they jumped forward. Thank you for reviewing.

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for the cookie! I am glad you enjoyed. Hope you enjoyed this one and I am sorry for the terrible delay.

TommyH – Wow I made you tear up at the end. Thank you for the review!

zuperkt – We are talking about family and they are stronger when they work together and depend on each other. They will learn to do that more and grow much stronger. Thank you for your review.

holdmetonight – Wow – really? Thank you so much! I am so honored to be at the top of your list – I am sorry for such a long wait with this chapter.

Guest – I hope you like this one. They are all going to therapy and will basically learn to depend more on each as well as learn they are strong enough to stand on their own. Thanks for the review.

Guest – Rachel will start to speak soon. She will not be mute forever. She will learn to adjust and cope a little better too. Thanks for the review.

thankthatstar – you will see more of the therapy sessions – but they are a little harder for me to write. I am so glad you like them. Thanks for reviewing.

HannahWilliam33 – I am glad you liked it. Sorry for the wait with this chapter. Thank you for the review.

ayomoses21 - Thank you so much for the review and your willingness to read this super long story from the beginning. It means so much! I hope you enjoyed the update.

…...

Santana chewed her lip as she folded her arms more tightly over her chest. She wasn't hiding that she was standing outside her sisters' room. She was in her space though as she watched Noah talk quietly to Rachel as if she were telling a secret. She wasn't jealous of Noah. She was grateful that Rachel responded. She was thankful that her sister was still in there, but the hurt radiated through her body with the knowledge that it wasn't her who brought Rachel back to surface. She didn't help at all with that.

"Santana?"

"What?" she snapped.

"Whoa, there," Joey said with her hands up.

"Sorry," Santana mumbled with a roll of her eyes.

"What's going on, kiddo?" Joey asked.

"Nothing. My life is perfect and dandy. Can't you tell?" She put on her tough mask. Her aunt arched her brow and looked at her demanding honesty. "I just want to go home."

Joey narrowed her eyes and studied her face, but she finally conceded "I know."

"I'm not crazy, Aunt Joey," Santana whispered.

"I didn't say you were," she replied kindly.

Santana paused for a moment. She had all these questions at the tip of her tongue. "If someone asked you if you would be able to survive if my mom went through what Rachel went through.. and then you lost her...or thought you would, you would have said the same thing... Right? You wouldn't have survived."

Joey looked at her for a moment. She had known why Santana was admitted to the hospital. It was something that Santana never talked about. She had once called it the darkness in her heart. Joey was starting to realize that she should have offered her more light a long time ago, because without it she was only reinforcing that shame within the young girl. "I don't know, San," she said honestly. "I don't know what I would have said, but I know that I can't know what I will do or say until I'm in that moment and I know all of those circumstances."

Santana looked at her indignantly. "I thought that you would understand."

"I do," she began, knowing that she had said the wrong thing.

"You don't," Santana snapped back as she brain became flooded with the sounds of her childhood. She continued more quietly, "You don't and you won't." She shook her head again. "I'm tired of being a broken emo record. I want to leave. I just want to go home and have things be how they used to be."

Santana turned her head into the room and Rachel was sitting alone in the bed as Quinn made her way back in from the bathroom with the help of the nurse and her mother. Santana gave her youngest sister a small smile and she felt an ache in her heart when Rachel returned with a tiny smile back.

"I have to find her monkey," she said out loud without breaking eye contact from Rachel. She knew that this task was the catalyst of her recovery .

"We'll figure something out," her aunt said softly, but Santana could not help but feel patronized. She couldn't tell the difference between her own interpretation and her aunt's honest words. She couldn't tell if she had something in mind besides actually finding the old toy.

"No, we will. we will find him," she said with more conviction. She unfolded her arms and her fingers grazed her hospital bracelet. "I don't need this anymore."

"People who went to medical school say otherwise." Joey said with an arch of her brow. The elevator opened at the end Bear stepped of the hallway and Joey's face lit up. Santana could tell her aunt was exhausted by it all. Her aunt needed her husband like her mother needed them. Her aunt wrapped her arms around her husband's neck once he got to her.

"Well, hello," her aunt said to her husband.

He smirked at his wife as he and Michael made their way down the hallway.

Santana watched them carefully. She knew that they were coming from the trial and she wasn't sure if she was ready to know what happened. She didn't know if she could handle it. She just couldn't. She barely even noticed her grandfather until he was reaching out to hug her.

"Hi, honey," Michael said as he kissed Santana's temple.

She gave a silent nod into his arms.

"How's it going?" Michael asked as rubbed Santana's back softly.

She gave a silent shrug. "Fine..." She avoided eye contact and continued to mumble, "I have to go …"

She started toward the room. Her breath was quickening. If she just held Rachel, she would be okay. She tried to block out the soft whispers of her aunt, uncle and grandfather. She didn't want to hear that. She couldn't. If she just reminded herself of where she was and …. She shook her head. She would be fine. She started into the room with slow, cautious steps.

"Santana, are you ready to meet?"

Santana stopped with a glare. "What?" she turned and looked at Gretchen. "It's not my turn. We just met."

Gretchen looked at her schedule. "It looks like it is to me."

"I just saw you a few hours ago," she said with a frown. "You have other patients. Clearly, you should talk to my brother again. He just broke into song."

"I know but you saw me for individual. Now it's time for IHT," she said casually. "It's been a bit too. I had lunch. Saw your brother and talked to a colleague …. it's been long enough. Your mom told you about this. Come on. It's just the first session with your mom. It's a way to help strengthen your relationship."

"I don't want to do that," she whispered. "Plus you can't double fist with therapy...in one day..."

"Well, we are," Gretchen said gently.

"Ready?" Shelby asked with a gentle smile.

"No," Santana said as she frowned but followed slowly after her mother.

"I don't need IHT," she mumbled as she collapsed into a chair. "I had it once and I don't need it.."

"Do you even know what it is?" Shelby asked gently as they sat down in an empty conference room.

"No," she said after a few seconds of silence.

"It's a type of therapy that focuses on the relationship between your caretaker and you. In this case, your mom," Gretchen explained. "It's more focused than family therapy since your family therapy would include your siblings as well as your mother. There are different forms and it's not always the same structure, but that's the basics of it."

"There's nothing wrong with me and my mom," Santana said quickly.

"I didn't say there was," Gretchen said. "I simply think that you both can benefit from this."

"I'm not angry at her," Santana said as she rolled her eyes.

"I didn't say that you are," Gretchen said in the same calming tone. "I think that you keep a lot bottled up inside of you, Santana, and it explodes and you don't know how to calm yourself down. Because your mother is your caretaker, she's the one that will help you calm and -"

"I … I... we don't need you," Santana said. "Right, Mom?"

Shelby looked at her daughter carefully. "Santana, I'm going to do sessions with the other girls and Noah too. I think we all have things we can improve on."

"Shelby, I think that what you said is very true, but I think that it would be helpful to really be clear as to why you both are here. You need to be honest here."

"You're lying?" Santana asked her mother looking back at her with hurt.

"I'm just not being completely honest," Shelby said feeling her eyes sting already. "I'm scared for you, Santana. I don't think you see how deeply you despise yourself. I'm scared that you're going to hurt yourself-"

"You mean hurt Rachel or Quinn," she replied with a deeply rooted loathing at herself more than the concept.

"That's not what I said," Shelby said. "Santana, listen to me. I'm scared for you. I'm scared that you will hurt yourself. I'm scared that you already have."

Santana frowned. "I haven't... I … I didn't. I haven't." she frowned and looked at her mother. "Is that why we're talking again?" She shook her head. "I'm fine. I feel better now. I lost it for a second, but I'm fine. I don't want to be in here. Rachel and Quinn need us. They need you."

"Do you also think that they need you too, Santana?" Gretchen asked.

The girl seemed to fold into herself, but didn't answer.

Gretchen continued. "Santana, I believe that you have so many emotions running through you and it can very hard for anyone to manage."

"Don't talk to me like you know me," Santana snapped.

"You're right," Gretchen said cutting Shelby off before the shocked woman could get a word out. "I don't know you, but this is what I think and I need you to really think about what I'm saying and if it's true for you in any way, shape or form. When you panic, Santana, I think you have at least two different states."

"Yeah? That's what you think?" she asked folding her arms, defensively.

"I do. I think right now, from what I'm being told, you either reach a boiling point so quickly that you have to shut it up the best you can and you do that by breaking things in a blind rage. You can't hear anything but the thoughts in your head and pieces of different memories. Am I right?"

The girl stared at her for a few moments before responding. "Aren't you a little too aggressive for a therapist? Aren't you not supposed to do that?" Santana asked.

"I also think that you have a slow build that in some way sneaks up on you and in other ways walks beside you and that's when you make quiet, self-destructive choices."

"Like?" Santana confronted.

"The boys that you've slept with."

Santana could have heard a pin drop. She stared at her for a moment before she looked over at her mother with narrowed eyes. "I can't believe you."

"I told her, San, because I'm worried. We need to talk about this."

"I've told you that talking about this won't make it go away," she said with a deep frown. "And I don't do that anymore!"

"It won't, Santana, but we can work to give you better problem solving methods. Do you understand that was a wrong choice? Why it was dangerous? We can talk about better ways to cope with that."

"I don't need that," she said through gritted teeth. "I want to go."

"We're not finished here yet," Gretchen said. "Santana, what do you think about that behavior?"

"It's bad. Blah blah blah."

"Santana, it's fine to be upset and angry, but it's not acceptable to be rude," Shelby frowned and paused again. She took a deep breath before carefully moving forward. "You told me about what happened between you and Brittany." Her words were so cautious.

A look of shock set on her face. She knew in her heart that her mother wasn't using this against her, but she couldn't help but feel raw and exposed. She couldn't help but feel betrayed. "Well, I don't want to talk about my sex life," Santana said with a bite.

"Then we won't," Gretchen stated. "Santana, can you talk to me about your relationship with your mom?"

"Um... no... I think we're okay. I love her and she loves me and I'm okay."

"Do you feel safe with her?"

"Why are you asking me this?" Santana asked narrowing her eyes.

"I'm asking you because I need to get a better picture of the two of you together."

"Well, you seem to have a better picture of everything else." She shook her head. "There's nothing wrong with my mom. I love her."

"Do you trust her?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"One I am interested in hearing what you have to say," Gretchen replied.

"Yes." She rolled her eyes. "Of course I trust her." She glared at her. "I know what you're getting at. Clearly, you didn't look at the notes close enough. I have already worked on rebuilding my trust with my mom. I have abandonment issues but not as badly as I used to. Shouldn't you know this already?"

"When you go off to college, do you trust her to take care of Rachel." Gretchen's voice didn't waiver.

Santana paused. "... You don't know what you're talking about."

"Santana, do you trust her with Rachel?"

"She's our mom," Santana said.

"That didn't answer my question," Gretchen asked.

Santana glanced over at her mother. "I... It's not that I don't trust her..."

"It's not?"

"No... bad stuff just happens..." Santana felt her energy that she had so easily invested in her anger begin to seep out of her. She was replaced with that feeling in her stomach. That feeling she got that brought her away from where she was.

"It does," Gretchen agreed.

"Well... I think it would be better if I'm here... and ….. " She shook her head. "I just... My brother was sent away... I can't be okay... so... if you could fix me... If you could make me better, I would really appreciate it."

"Santana," Shelby said softly. "I don't want to send you away. I don't want to send you away and Noah left for a bit but I talked to him everyday. I went to see him every week and -"

"I don't remember that," Santana said.

"You were about ten...You had a lot of sleepovers at Aunt Joey's," Shelby said with a gently grin.

Santana frowned. "You always came home though."

"I did," Shelby said.

"I … I waited for you..." She remembered out loud. "You slept with me and Rachel …. when we were at Aunt Joey's..."

"I did," Shelby nodded again. She frowned for a few moments. "Did you remember how long Noah was away, Santana?"

She shrugged. "I … I don't know...a few months?"

"45-days," Shelby said simply, eying Gretchen.

Gretchen gave a knowing look. "Oh," she said quietly. She looked toward the paperwork on the desk. "I didn't realize."

"Yeah," Shelby said.

"What does that mean?" Santana asked as she looked between them.

"It's special placement, Santana," Shelby said. "You and I talked about this awhile ago. I don't think that you're going to do it."

"Why?" she asked quietly.

"Because it typically requires a change of custody."

"You... you gave Noah up?" Santana asked.

"No," Shelby said quietly. "I was and am still his mother."

She looked at Gretchen.

"It would make more sense if you tell her," Gretchen encouraged Shelby.

"Santana, it wasn't just me that made the choice to have Noah go away and get some treatment. The school got involved. This is a special program that works to make sure that he gets aggressive treatment. He had individual therapy. He did family therapy with me. He had a lot of assessments done."

"What kind?" Santana asked quietly.

"Psychological and a biopsychosocial and … some other ones."

"What are those for?" Santana asked Gretchen directly.

"They were to help evaluate him. To see if there were any specific services that he needed for school, for academics or social-emotional support. We also did some anger stuff with him. We were really lucky that the program that he went to he was able to work with some good coaches that integrated more discipline into his routine and after that he was involved in a lot of activities and sports to really help give him that support."

"He's not perfect though. He still beats people up," Santana practically exploded with a tattle.

"It's not a win all," Gretchen said. "It's almost like a therapeutic respite but ... But it can be complicated," Gretchen said. "Does that make sense? Do you remember him coming back differently?"

"I remember what happened. I always remember," she snapped.

"Santana, I didn't abandon Noah. I won't abandon you." Shelby reached out and took Santana's hand.

"I didn't say that you did," she bit again. She felt a feeling her stomach. She met Gretchen's gaze and didn't break eye contact. "... I don't understand how he was okay. I don't understand how … I want that too... " She didn't finish her sentence.

"I'm not sending you away, Santana," she carefully. "But we are going to do something similar. You'll be staying at the house, but you're going to go to a day program."

Santana's face didn't change. Silence fell on them and Shelby turned to Gretchen with concern.

Gretchen looked at Santana. "Santana, what are you thinking?"

"... I … I don't know," she replied after several moments of silence.

"I think you do," Gretchen pushed.

Santana chewed her lip for a moment and stared at the floor. Finally, she took a breath and spoke. "Noah threw a boy through a window... and he left and came back and he didn't... He came back better..." She looked up tearfully. "You've always just accepted that I was... that I ….. Wasn't I wrong too?"

"Wrong doing what?" Gretchen asked without hesitation with a soft, casual tone.

"I was mad... am … am mad... and I didn't get sent away." She was clenching her fist with one hand and the other was moving its fingers along the hospital bracelet on that wrist.

"Did you want to be?" Gretchen asked.

At the same time, Shelby said, "I said that you won't be."

Gretchen reached her hand out toward Shelby. "Let her speak."

"I want to be better," she replied barely above a whisper.

"Better?"

Santana nodded, but remained silent.

"Santana," Gretchen began carefully as Shelby continued to watch her daughter with a high level of confusion and heartbreak. "You are a passionate person with a lengthy trauma history. Adjusting and coping with your feelings is something that you will always have to deal with. Your brother was sent away because at that time that's what they thought was best for him. You are a different person. I think that your emotions are valid. You have a lot that you have worked on with Elyse and Julia and other clinicians in New York and I think that you were given some good coping skills, but you and I can work more on those things. You have a lot of insight. Like your mother said, the school got involved with your brother which means that there may have been some involvement with court that was unavoidable. Your mother had a tough choice to make, but she certainly didn't give up. You and your brother are different people and I think that we can all work together on things you're facing. No more tape and glue, okay?"

"... You can fix me?" she asked after a long pause.

"I really don't think that you're broken, Taz," Shelby whispered. "I truly don't."

Santana nodded and chewed her lip once again. Her body language with her trail of thought.

Gretchen tilted her head and leaned forward as she noticed the girl stiffen. "Santana, can you tell me about your nick name?"

The girl scoffed. "Tasmanian Devil... meaning that I destroy everything in my path...My dad gave it to me."

Gretchen nodded. "Do you like it?"

Shelby looked at her daughter with a sympathetic smile. Leroy had called her that and - She paused. She felt like an idiot. "Santana, you do not destroy everything."

"I do," she whispered. "He knew it. You know it..."

Shelby took a deep breath. "Santana, that's not..." She gave a tiny smile. "Do you know what your father called me?"

Santana rolled her eyes, not caring. "I don't know."

"Elmer Fudd,"she said with a grimace. "Do you think I go around shooting people?"

Santana gave a tiny smile. "There's a reason though." She looked at her mother. "There is a reason that you're called that and there's a reason why I'm called that... and … yeah..."

"Santana," Shelby said softly. "I'm so sorry."

"Please don't be sorry," she muttered. "It's what I have of him."

"It's not," she said with passion. as she put her hand on her daughter's shoulder.

"It is," Santana said as she pulled away and stood up. "Don't... okay? Just don't. Don't try to make me feel better. It won't work." She began to pace. She was demonstrating just how fast she could go from calm to out of control.

"Santana, stop. We can stop for some time. We can take a break."

"I am done for today! I am. Don't talk to me anymore." She backed herself away from them as she spoke.

"Santana,"Gretchen said. "Listen to my voice. Listen to me."

Shelby watched her daughter seem to deteriorate in front of her. Every moment that Santana was like this Shebly felt like she couldn't move. She wasn't sure how to help her. She wasn't sure. She hadn't been able to do right by her. She has seen other kids like this, but those other children hadn't been her children. Where had she missed it? Santana had fallen through the cracks and the person who was breaking in front of her was the result of Shelby negligence what had happened. What she hated most of all was that it didn't come out of left field. People had given her signs; people had helped her. Shelby just hadn't let herself see it.

_Shelby watched Santana sit quietly outside the office. _

"_I want you to understand that gravity of what I'm saying," the woman said to her. _

_Shelby looked over at the woman with a glare. "Don't speak to me like I'm an idiot especially when it's about my kid." _

"_Shelby , I feel as if you're upset, but I don't mean to upset you," the woman said. _

"_You're telling me that you think that she's too angry," Shelby said. "Wouldn't you feel angry if you had been through what she's been through. _

"_She just needs to-" _

"_Needs to what?" Shelby snapped. "You don't know my kid. She just needs a change. She needs to have a chance to feel what she feels." _

_Shelby stood and shook her head. _

"_I didn't say that she didn't," the woman replied. "This is hard and -" _

"_Don't," Shelby said. "Please, just don't. I am in this field too. I get it." _

"_I agree with you, Shelby. Sometimes medication is overused and used inappropriately.-" _

"_She doesn't need it. Her functioning is too high. I believe, yes , she has a diagnosis but but it doesn't mean that she needs anything. She just needs …. She doesn't need that." _

"_It's something we can talk about," the woman began again. _

"_We're not going to talk about it anymore." _

"_Shelby, I really think that this is the best choice for Santana," she said. "It's something to consider." _

"_You did. You considered it but you just are here to tell me what you think. This isn't a discussion for you," Shelby said. She straightened and shook her head. "We're going back to Lima to be with my family." _

"_Shelby, I think that's a good idea, but I also think you really need to continue with Santana's treatment. -" _

"_I know what's best for my kid. She's eight years old for Christ's sake. She has been through so much and I don't like hearing you speak about her like that. She's not the person you think that she is.". _

"Shelby talk to her," Gretchen encouraged.

Shelby looked at her daughter as Santana paced more quickly. She didn't know what to say. She took a deep breath again as she felt another voice fill her head.

_Shelby's heels clicked against the floor as she walked into the Brownstone. _

"_I don't care what they say," Leroy told her as he followed in behind her. _

"_Leroy, let her go to her room please, and then we will talk," Shelby said as she helped a three year old Santana out of her jacket. _

"_No," Leroy said as he scooped Santana up. He gave her an eskimo kiss and his daughter laughed with glee. "Santana, there is nothing wrong with you. Okay? It's not okay to push, but you are certainly not an abomination. Okay? What do I always tell you?" _

"_Santana Corcoran is incredible, brave and bold." _

"_That's right," Leroy said. He kissed Santana on the cheek. "We can always be better, San, but that doesn't mean that you weren't extraordinary to begin with. You hear me?" _

"_Yes, Daddy," Santana smiled. _

"_What are you, San?" he said with a smirk. _

"_I'm extraordinary and I will be even better!" she laughed. _

_Shelby smiled and kissed her on the top of her head. "Go find your brother, sweetheart." She scampered off and Shelby looked at her husband with an arch of her brow. "Our children certainly won't suffer from low self esteem, Leroy," she chuckled._

Shelby watched Santana pace again. She walked up to her and gently took her hand, causing her to stop. "San?"

"What?" she replied avoiding her eyes. "You can do this. Look at me." Santana looked up at her after a few beats.

"You don't know that."

"I do," she replied. "I will be with you the whole time."

"What if I mess it up? What if it's ruined?"

"Then we will try again, San," Shelby said again. "You're not broken." She chewed her lip. "Do you know what you are?"

She saw her daughter's eyes fill with tears. "Don't listen to those thoughts in your head, Santana. Do you hear me?" she said as she leaned her forehead against her daughter's. "You are extraordinary, Santana. You always have been."

Santana froze for a moment. She leaned into her mother's embrace before finally saying, "But I can be better."

"We all can, San, but that doesn't mean that you still aren't incredible to begin with."

Santana leaned against her mother, but remained silent because she didn't have anything left to say.

...…

Quinn looked over at Rachel with tender gaze. It was just the two of them. Noah had gone to the cafeteria with Michael and the adults were chatting in the hallway while Shelby was still Santana for another session with Gretchen. Quinn watched the girl was playing silently with stuffed animal that Joey had given her while insisting it wasn't a replacement for George. Quinn reconsidered as she watched Rachel. The girl wasn't playing with the stuffed animal as much as she was staring at it with consideration; she was evaluating if it was worth her time.

"Rach?"

Rachel looked up and looked over at Quinn.

Quinn studied her quickly before she turned away again. "You have to snap out of this, Rachel."

Rachel looked at her for a moment and then she looked away. She frowned down at the stuffed animal and turned toward the door.

"They're coming back in a few," Quinn told her.

Rachel looked over at her and palmed her new stuff animal's arm in her hand. Quinn spotted the beads on her wrist.

"What are those?" Quinn asked, expecting the worst like a creepy stranger gave them to her when no one was looking.

She looked at the beads, but didn't respond.

"We're going to go home soon, Rach," she said.

Rachel looked over at her. She was smiling so subtly for a moment but then it slowly began to fade. Quinn didn't need the words to know what she was thinking. It had slowly been flooding back to Quinn. They all knew why and how they had gotten to the hospital. It was the giant elephant in the room that no one wanted to talk about, but Quinn knew in her heart that she wasn't ready to talk about it.

"Hey, Rach," she called out. "Look at me."

She didn't.

"Rach," she called out again.

Rachel shifted enough that Quinn knew that she was listening.

"Rachel, I'm scared too okay. That's partially why I got so sick. Okay? I get it and I promise that I won't let anything happen to you."

Rachel met her gaze, but her eyes weren't grateful as much as they reciprocated the same promise. Rachel slipped out of her bed.

"What are you doing?" Quinn asked.

She wasn't surprised when there was no answer but Rachel pulled off her heart monitor and tugged at her iv so that she could crawl into Quinn's bed.

"Rach," she began. She pointed to the iv. "You're going to pull that thing out," she said it seriously but didn't otherwise fight Rachel as the girl moved toward her. Quinn felt a pain in her heart as she attempted to reach out to Rachel because she could tell the girl wasn't as steady on her feet as she should be.

"What's going on here?" a nurse asked as she entered into the room. She gave a heavy sigh. "Rachel, if you wanted to go lay with Quinn, you need to ask. I could have helped you instead of you giving me a heart attack."

Rachel just looked at the nurse and then back at Quinn.

"Is everything okay?" Bear asked as he walked in with Helen.

"She just wanted to come and sit with me," Quinn replied.

Quinn eyed them carefully. The adults had been talking in the hallway since Santana and Shelby had left. They had been talking about the trial but had pretended that there were discussing something else. Quinn hated that; she hated that more than she could say.

Joey entered the room with a bag. "Everything okay?" she asked as she sat at the end of the bed where the girl were sitting.

"Yes," the nurse smiled as she retaped Rachel's IV. She gave the girls a small smile and left the room.

Joey looked at them with a sneaky smile.

"What's wrong with your face?" Quinn asked.

"I have a surprise," she smiled.

"You didn't get a tattoo too did you?" Quinn asked as she leaned her head on the top of Rachel's.

"No," she whispered with a mischievous smile.

Quinn felt her stomach churn as she watched a glimmer in Rachel's eyes light up as Joey reached into the bag and her own small hand lose grip on the other stuffed animal they had given her earlier. She felt Rachel deflate when she saw what Joey pulled out her tiny dog, Charlie from the bag. It didn't take rocket science to know that Rachel had thought it was George.

Rachel gave a tiny smile when Charlie crawled into her lap and licked her face.

"I'll find him for you," Quinn whispered in her ear as she kissed the top of her head. Rachel looked up at her curiously and the blonde stared back at her as if to say, "You know who I'm talking about."

"There, puppies always make people feel better," Joey said with satisfaction, interrupting Quinn's thoughts.

"Joanna!" Shelby scolded her from behind her. "Are you serious?"

Quinn blocked them out as her mother began to lecture her aunt about bringing the puppy into the hospital. Nevertheless, the dog stayed in Rachel's lap. Quinn stared idly at the machines. The heart monitor and the numbers changed. Up and down. Up and down.

"Quinn?"

"Quinn?"

She looked over at her mother. "What?" she asked with a tired exhale.

"Did you hear what I asked?"

"Clearly not," Santana scoffed from Rachel's bed.

Quinn glanced over at Rachel. Rachel was still silent but at least she was following conversations with her eyes as she and Santana played with Charlie from Rachel's bed. Apparently, Rachel had moved back over there. She saw that a new IV was now hooked up. She must have been daydreaming for a long time. She took note to not do that as often or as long. She didn't want people to think she was crazier. They already looked at her like she was a nut ready to crack.

"You're going to meet with Gretchen," Shelby said again.

"I really don't need to," she said as she crossed her arms. "I … I am fine... I guess that others might not be but... I'm fine," she said.

Noah scoffed from behind his magazine. He had returned from the cafeteria and was now more alert much to Quinn's chagrin. Quinn frowned at him. She had missed him coming in too. Where was she? Why was she feeling like this? She frowned and stared at Noah trying to regain her composure.

"Bite me," Quinn hissed.

A nurse was poking at her vitals. Quinn sighed heavily and waved her hand at her. "Why are you in here again? Do you really need to do this?"

"Quinn, stop it. Don't be rude," Shelby stated.

"I'm not. I'm asking a question," Quinn said. She looked at Gretchen at the doorway. "She's already in here. Why do I have to meet with her?"

"Would you like to do it here in front of everyone?" Shelby asked.

"While you may not mean to be rude," Gretchen interjected. "For someone who doesn't know you, it seems rude."

Shelby exchanged a silent look with Gretchen and then a second at Quinn.

"What?" Quinn asked with hesitation, trying her best to keep her armor up.

Shelby stood up and approached the bed. "Rachel let's get you out and about today."

Quinn frowned as she watched Shelby and Gretchen exchange another silent look.

"What's going on?" she asked with a deep frown. She looked at Gretchen. "I may be sick and I may be rude... but... I am not stupid."

"No one said you were," Shelby said as she and Santana helped Rachel gently into the wheelchair. Shelby hooked the new IV bag on the the hook on the top of the wheelchair as she silently told the kids to be cautious of it. The youngest girl was just watching them in silence as they moved around her. "Santana and Noah, please stay inside the building and be back in a half hour. Joey will go with you."

"Why?" Santana asked. "Because you want alone time with Quinn? She's going to tell me anyway."

Shelby arched her brow with her mom stare. Santana sighed.

Rachel looked at Quinn with a confused frown. The blonde rolled her eyes casually and smiled. Shelby reached for the small dog and put it in Rachel's lap.

"Do not let that dog loose in this hospital," she said to the kids.

Santana nodded and she and Noah walked quietly out of the room as Rachel peaked over her shoulder back at Quinn. Quinn watched them leave the room. "What's going on?"

"Firstly, your attitude needs to stop. I know that you know how to be polite," Shelby said as she sat at the edge of Quinn's bed.

The girl's cheeks pinked and she glanced up for a moment at Gretchen and then looked away. "Why does she have to be here?" she whispered.

Shelby looked at Gretchen and gave a nod. "She doesn't, but she might be observing more in the future. Gretchen, could you excuse us, please?"

"Sure thing," she said.

Quinn chewed her lip as she watched the woman begin to leave. "I'm sorry for being rude," she called out.

Gretchen turned and looked at her. "Thank you for the apology."

Quinn rolled her eyes slightly and shrugged. Gretchen took her leave and Quinn turned her attention back to her mother. She let the wall come down a bit.

"I want to go home," she said weakly. Finally looking at her mother and letting the reality sink in brought tears to her eyes. "Please."

"We will go home, Q-Bear. Probably sooner rather than later. You are better than before but you're certainly not well. We might be able to go home today. When we get home, you need to rest. Your spleen fights infections and now that you don't have one, it's more difficult for you." Shelby leaned in and the girl leaned into her arms. She rocked her gently. "I know that so much has happened and you feel like you're fine. You are doing well but processing needs to start. You need to let yourself heal..."

"I don't need to do that. I may have said that I did when I was sick... but it was the peer pressure. I was peer pressured into therapy. I don't need to process..." she said quietly. She thought for a moment. "I've already processed... What is there to say?... Things sucked... then things really sucked... then... they got better."

Shelby looked at her mother with a sigh. "Can I tell you something?"

"I don't think I have a choice,"she muttered.

"So happy to have your spunk back," Shelby smirked. "Well," she began. "For a long long time, I thought that healing was an organic process."

"... Okay..." she mumbled. She looked up at her. "I don't want a story that ends with the moral.'Yes, Quinn, talking about your feelings eases your pain or crap.'"

"That's incredibly eloquent," Shelby scoffed. "My story wasn't exactly like that."

"Well, the moral of my story is... why process? It won't change anything," she looked at her hands. "I love them... You know I do... but... I'm …. I'm okay. I'm not... breaking things or … anything...I'm talking... yes, I don't talk about ….. Judy...or... Russell...but I'm holding it together. Isn't that enough?"

"Quinn, going to talk with someone, to process and do some therapeutic work doesn't mean that you're broken.-"

"Well, what does it mean then?"

"It means you need someone to talk to," Shelby began.

"Well, I lived sixteen years basically just talking to myself... and occasionally Brittany... and my books... and... periodically a really bad ABC Family drama...Why start when you're behind?"

Shelby smirked again. Quinn's wit never ceased to entertain her. She nodded. "I can see why it would be easy to see it that way."

"Then how do you see it?" she asked with a little bite.

"I used to think the same way that processing and growing is personal and isn't forced but... I found that it helped me alot... When you're only talking to yourself you only have one perspective... With another person you can really figure things out... yes, you're a different person than the others and you're very independent," Shelby said. "But Quinn so much has happened that you really need to ask yourself if you're processing or if you're silencing it."

"I don't want to go," she said plainly.

"I hear you, Quinn," Shelby said. "But you don't really have a choice. You need to go to this. Therapy doesn't mean you spill your guts the first day."

"I would hope not," she said with a frown.

"It means all sorts of things. It means building trust with other people..."

"I don't want to do it," she said again.

"Why?" Shelby asked simply.

Quinn thought for a moment. "I personally don't think talking about it will make it go away... It'll just …. stir it up...and makes it hurt more."

"You're going to try it, Quinn... and another thing you're going to do is be involved in a group," Shelby said.

Quinn scoffed. "What? They have groups for kids who were knocked up by their fathers." The words had just tumbled out of her mouth and before she knew it. They were punching her deep in the gut. She tried to fold into herself but felt her mother's arms around her, rocking her gently. "I … don't want to talk about that," she said distantly.

"It's not a group like that, Quinn," Shelby clarified.

Quinn chewed her lip for a moment, unsure how to form her words. "I... I talked about that stuff …. with Rachel," she whispered. "... a while ago when she couldn't sleep and... I couldn't sleep."

Shelby frowned for a moment and looked at her. "What stuff?"

Quinn suddenly found her fingernails fascinating and began tracing her cuticles. "...She asked me things …. about... what I remembered... and if I ever doubted that someone would love me..." She trailed off for a moment. "She asked me all those questions that I never let my mind even finish asking... you know? I don't want to talk about that... That's when I realized I couldn't talk about it. I can't."

"Quinn, why didn't you -"

"What didn't I tell you?" she asked with an ironic laugh. She shook her head. "Rachel needs not to feel alone. She's scared... and I can't tell her that I feel like no one will ever... but if I think that... if I admit that she'll think I believe that's true for her... that she'll-" She stopped herself and looked at her mother. "What was I supposed to say? It hurts not to think about it. I feel safe now. I can't think about my future. I can't think about putting myself back together... I just... I can't because I know I can't. It's too late for me."

"It's not," Shelby said.

"You don't know that," she said. "I knew from a young age who I needed to be in order to make someone love me and I'm not it."

"Do you question my love? Rachel's? San's or Noah's?"

"Everyday," she said honestly. "But not as much as I used to... I think... no, I know, that you are all just rare freaks of nature... in a good way." Quinn smiled.

Shelby sighed. "Well, I love you so much, Quinn," she said holding her tightly. "I never doubted that."

"That's good," she whispered. "I didn't know what the right thing to say to Rachel was...but I... I don't know what to say to her."

Shelby looked at her. "It's not your job to know what to say to her."

"It is when she asks me," she replied. "What do I say?"

Shelby frowned for a moment. "You tell her that sometimes it's hard to predict the good that will come your way, but you know that it will."

Quinn rolled her eyes and looked at her mother. "I'll just send her to talk to you and tell her life is like a box of chocolates."

"Good plan," Shelby said as she kissed the top of her head.

Quinn fell silent again for a moment. She chewed her lip with nervous anticipation. "I don't want to talk about the hard stuff with anyone else... anyone else but you."

Shelby felt herself smile slightly. She pulled Quinn closer. "It's incredibly hard, Quinn, but I promise that there are people worth trusting out there."

"Will they ask me about …. about …. Judy... or... Russell?"

"Maybe," Shelby said. "Therapy may be more aggressive with Gretchen than Elyse."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because we needed to make some changes," Shelby said.

"I don't want to talk about those things... I don't want to talk about my life..." she said barely above a whisper. "I don't want to talk about .. about my baby..." She looked up at her mother. "It won't make it better. It'll just make it more … It'll... It'll hurt too much. I promise I will do well in school. I promise that I will stay clean and perfect and -"

"Quinn, I don't want you to be perfect," Shelby said gently rubbing her back. "It's taking be a long time to realize that you all have been holding it together. I don't want you to do that."

"But I don't want to fall apart. Santana explodes but I don't."

"But you stared off into space today for almost thirty minutes, Quinn. You check out a lot."

"I don't... I didn't realize that..."

"Did you used to do that a lot?"

Quinn shrugged. "Probably." She looked down at her hands. "I only spent an hour... maybe two with my parents at the most during the day..." Quinn trailed off. "And most of it was at night," she whispered.

Shelby gave a sigh and hugged her closer. "Quinn, those wounds don't heal on their own. They can scar deeply if you don't take the time to take care of them."

"Like how?" Quinn asked.

"In how you live your everyday, in how you communicate with others... how you relate with others..." Shelby said kindly.

Quinn shook her head. "I'll figure that out when I get there. I will."

"Mostly you will, but working with Gretchen and going to group you'll be able to do a lot of problem solving with others."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "What if I say no?"

"Quinn, Gretchen and I already started talking about some different things for you. She pointed out to me that You have lived a majority of your life alone. I can't expect you to acclimate to the craziness of the household overnight and in so many ways you have, but if you want to have some alone time and walks I think you should be able to. I just want to trust that you use that time well." Quinn looked up at her in surprise. "This woman is an advocate for you. She can't become a better one unless you talk to her."

Quinn leaned into Shelby.

"I'll do it for you."

"Please do it for you," Shelby said as she kissed the top of her head.

"Santana is a mess," Quinn said lightly trying to change the subject.

"She's not," Shelby said. "And neither are you."

"Don't lie," she said, her attempts to make light of things expelled from her body.

"I meant what I said, Quinn," Shelby replied. "I always do. I will respect and give you more space, but you also need to know that I trust you to make good choices during that time."

"I will," she said looking up at her. "I don't go breaking televisions," she said trying to make things seem less serious.

Shelby looked at her straightforward. "This isn't about, Santana. This conversation is about you. I don't trust you because you have a tendency of hurting yourself."

"I don't," Quinn said quickly.

"You cut your cast off in the garage," Shelby said.

"Well, that was a smaller deal in reality. It's not that serious..."

"You took out your IV while at the hospital. You went to Rachel's school for that dodgeball thing... you confronted …... Will alone …."

Quinn shook her head rapidly. "Those... those things are out of context."

A nurse walked in with a smile. "Alright, Quinn, one more x-ray."

"Famous last words," she mumbled.

"Quinn," Shelby scolded.

"We just need to make sure your new iv line is in place, Quinn, and then you'll be able to go home," the nurse explained.

"Really?" she asked.

"We'll have you back in no time and you'll get to go home," she smiled as Shelby and the nurse helped Quinn into the wheelchair.

"Don't jinx us," Quinn said.

Shelby gave a smirk but then reconsidered. "I should go with you," Shelby said quickly.

"Mom," Quinn said with a roll of her eyes. "I can do this by myself... I'm not an invalid." Quinn looked at her mother. "Seriously."

"Please behave, Quinn," Shelby said.

"I will," she replied. "But if anything happens to me. Blame it on the woman who jinxed it."

"We'll be back," the nurse told Shelby kindly.

….

Noah wheeled himself next to Rachel. He smirked at her and gave her a wink. He and Santana were sure that they could make Rachel talk. She was in there and she was responding with her eyes, but they just needed to get her to talk. She was faking it like she did before and she would talk to Santana and Noah when she was little. They just had to get her to talk. Noah looked kindly at Rachel. He was going to remind her that things were going to be okay.

He paused and looked up at Santana and gave her a wink as he continued to wheel himself in the wheelchair next to Rachel. He knew more than ever that he needed to do it for Santana. Santana looked at her brother and he gave her a smirk. He had to. She gave him a nervous smile and his eyes caught hers as they looked guiltily down Rachel. She smiled at

"Stop looking at me like that," he whispered to Santana. "Chin up. It's going to work."

They all needed some hope. And at this point they were relying getting her talking. Santana had ranted about how she knew that if they got Rachel alone that she would talk. Santana reminded Noah that she used to whisper things to him and Santana long before she started talking to Shelby.

Santana looked over at her brother casually as they made their way down the hallway. Joey was on her phone chatting with someone on the phone.

"Wanna race, Rach?" Noah asked.

Rachel looked at him with an arch of her brow and she hugged the dog closer.

"No," Joey said from behind them. Noah deflated. "I'm serious, Noah, get out of the wheelchair. There are people who actually need it."

Noah stood with a sigh and pushed the wheelchair at an older woman who was moving with a man in scrubs supporting her weight.

"Here she needs this more than me," Noah said with a roll of his head.

"Noah," Joey hissed.

"What?" Noah asked as they continued to walk past them.

Joey shook her head and they continued down the hallway. "Just please be more cautious. That woman may have been doing physical therapy."

He frowned. "Oh." He looked over at Santana as if to ask her, but his sister just rolled her eyes. He could never read that look. She looked around and put his hands in his pockets to keep him from shifting his weight so much. He looked down the hallway. He could remember how to get back. There were a lot of signs but they seemed to make him feel more stupid than assisted.

"What about outside? Can we go outside and walk?" Noah asked. He wasn't sure if this hospital smelled bad but it smelt like a hospital and that was enough.

"Noah, it's too cold out," Joey said gently.

"Right," he nodded.

He glanced over again at Santana. He was shifting again and again. This wasn't going as planned. Things had been perfect and uncomplicated after he had sang that song. He had felt a surge of accomplishment and even more he had felt like things were getting better. however, reality sunk back in. Why couldn't life be a constant bliss? He wished he could focus on one task. He realized that getting Rachel to talk was so interrelated in other accomplishments. It was easy when they were younger. He made a goofy smile remembering when his sole issue was learning how to hold Rachel as an infant and independently reminding himself to hold her head and neck without being reminded. He just wanted life to be like that again where he only had to focus on those few essential things and the rest fell in place.

"Let me push for a bit," Noah said taking over Rachel's wheelchair. Santana rolled her eyes but moved over. They needed fun. They needed something.

He gave a smirk when he spotted the elevator and leaned down close to Rachel's ear.

"Hold tight,bug," he whispered.

Rachel looked up at her brother and simultaneously gripped tighter to the arms of her wheelchair with one arm while the other held Charlie more tightly.

Noah steered the chair as if he were going to head down the hallway, but paused as outside of elevator. Serendipitously, inches from the door and seconds from the beginning of his pause outside the elevator, the metal doors opened. Noah smiled and pushed Rachel into elevator. Rachel looked up with him in confusion.

"We're just going for a ride," he said with a gentle voice. Santana slipped into the elevator just as the doors were closing, glaring as always. The elevator door closed just as their aunt caught sight of them from where she had stopped the chat with someone. As she began to race toward them in frustration, the doors locked shut.

Noah leaned against the back wall in relief as the door closed. He smiled as his sisters. "Good as gold."

Rachel looked up at them with concern.

"Don't worry," Santana said, answering for her brother. "We're just heading out." Rachel looked up at her with more concern. "We're just taking a fun trip. This is fun."

Santana was grateful for the escape. She needed a relief from her life. She needed to escape and get lost in a hospital for a bit. She glared down at her hospital bracelet. She would have preferred if she wasn't a patient though.

Rachel looked at the dog and her siblings and then gave a stiff nod.

"Rachel," Santana whispered as she knelt down in front of her. "Talk to me."

Noah watched as she stared back at her with a deep frown. She was going to say something he felt it.

The elevator dinged and the door opened.

Santana squeezed her eyes shut and stood back up as the door opened. At that moment, Santana thought that things couldn't get worse or that the weight on her shoulders couldn't be any heavier. She had a hospital bracelet. They thought she was certifiably crazy and her sister was mute and her other sister had a iv strapped to her body. But then the doors opened.

On the other side of the door stood was Brittany.

Santana felt her insides curdle. She had been wrong.

"Hey," she said quietly.

There was a tiny piece of her that wished she was happier to see her. She rethought and knew that a piece of her was happy to see her. She loved her more than she can say. She let the rest of her that had driven her initial reaction rise again to the surface. Sometimes love isn't enough.

"I can't talk right now," Santana said as she wheeled Rachel out of the elevator and she felt the burning gaze of her brother's eyes in the back of her head.

"I haven't seen you in awhile and... I was worried..." Brittany said quietly. "I heard about the trial and..."

"I really can't talk right now," Santana said sharply.

"Well...I need to talk to you. It's been... It's been too long and I don't know what this means," Brittany replied.

"I …. we're gonna go," Noah said slowly as he took the wheelchair from his sister, who seemed to be frozen.

Rachel looked over his shoulder and put her hand on his. and shook her head ever so slightly. "We gotta," he muttered to Rachel. "It's not our business."

The eleven year old looked up at her big brother just long enough for her grip to loosen on the dog.

Noah's gaze snapped up and away from his sister's begging eyes. He didn't want to feel those brown eyes on him, but he knew that having this talk with them there wasn't good, but it was something Santana needed to do. "Fffffff," he hissed. "Hold tight, Rach. San, see you back at the room."

He pushed Rachel down the hallway as fast as he could without causing her to be thrown out of the chair. .

"I have to go, Brittany," Santana said again looking away from her and taking a step away, but then stopping "How did you know I was here?"

"My dad told me you were here," she said carefully.

Santana backed away from her as if the girl was on fire. "Doesn't doctor patient privilege mean anything to anyone?" She shook her head, enraged. "God! I'm fine!" she hissed. She spotted her medical bracelet and the bandages on her hands. She felt herself shaking slightly.

"Santana, he didn't-"

"Didn't what?!" she scolded. She pulled at her bracelet and then began on her bandages.

"Santana, he just told me you were still here because of the girls," Brittany said without looking away from the bandages or the hospital bracelet that she didn't seem to notice until now. The blonde's gaze soaked in Santana for the first time. She was so much more disheveled than normal... almost shattered.

"Stop looking at me like that," she spat as she turned from her. .

"I'm not looking at you like anything-" Brittany began with her hands up.

"You are! You are!" she said accusingly as she pointed her finger at her.

Brittany stepped toward Santana, but the girl moved back. "Don't."

"San, it's just me. Look at me," Brittany said. The blonde spotted nurses coming toward them.

"Why did you come here? I don't need you! I would have called if I needed you! I didn't! That should have told you something," Santana hissed as she backed away once again and started down the hallway.

"It did," Brittany said following after her. Attempting to keep a calm speed, but failing. "It told me that you needed me." She looked at her with a knowing look. "You go silent when you need someone. It's like you don't know the words."

"Leave me alone," Santana said as she looked at the floor or the doors or anywhere that wasn't Brittany as she made her way down the hallway. She slowly slightly, because she couldn't say the next words and walk, breathe, speak and lie all at once. "I don't need you. I don't even think I love you"

The truth was she did, but she couldn't admit it. She couldn't say it out loud in her head let alone whisper it in her heart. Brittany didn't say anything and she was too much of a coward to look up and see the hurt on her face. Then she realized that everything was still. The nurses she thought had been following them were gone. It was just them.

"Santana, let's go find your mom," Brittany whispered.

She wasn't even responding to that. She wasn't fighting and what that screamed to Santana was that Brittany was so far from her side. Brittany wasn't with her anymore and not because of anything Brittany did but because she simply couldn't be and Santana needed to accept it. Santana was the broken piece to the puzzle. Not Brittany, but the Taz in her knew she would never tell her blonde friend, her everything that.

"Stop patronizing me!" she said throwing her hands up in the air in frustration.

"Santana, stop," Brittany said. "I'm not. Please just look at me."

"Just go, Brit," Santana said as she walked faster down the hallway.

"No way," she said as she followed close behind her.

"I can't do this with you." Santana suddenly felt a surge of emotion and adrenaline in her chest. It felt good and right. She needed to continue fueling the fire. "I can't do this with you!"

"What? Do what?" Brittany asked honestly, causing Santana to stop outside of the stairwell. .

"Do this," she said again. "Just leave me alone."

"I'm not leaving you, San," she said shifting so she was standing in front of her. "I need you to hear me."

"And you need to hear me," Santana said as she pulled away. She felt a pain in her chest and an energy surging from her toes. This was the only way to expel it. She had to cut all ties. "Go away. I don't want anything to do with you anymore, Brit. I can't breathe and I can't think and you just get in the way."

The blonde frowned. "Santana, you're mad and I get that."

"No," Santana scolded. "No you don't! You don't get it at all."

"Well try to explain it to me," Brittany begged.

"No," Santana snapped again. "Are you that desperate for someone, Britt? You're taking all this crap from me. People think that there's shit wrong with me and here you are accepting this shit from me. GO AWAY!" All she could picture was her throwing herself at Brittany. All she could feel was the blind rage through her veins. She couldn't risk hurting the people she loved more. She couldn't cope with that. "Go away. I've done enough talking. I don't want to talk to you."

"I'm not leaving you here," Brittany said with tears in her eyes. "Let's just go back to your room-"

"Go home, Brittany," Santana glared and she turned. "I don't want you near me or my family. Don't come to my house." Her voice was full of ice. "Don't call. Don't visit. Don't anything. I don't want you here or there or at all."

"Santana, please talk-" Brittany sobbed.

Santana couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel the pain of it all. She hadn't expected Brittany today and throwing her into her day... into her messy life was too much. It was incinerating them all.

"Take the hint, Brittany," Santana said lowly. "Go home and leave me alone."

Without another word, Santana walked briskly past the nurses leaving a dumbstruck Brittany in her wake and she refused to look back.

….

Quinn frowned more deeply and they headed down the hallway. She didn't know where she was. She was even more sure that she didn't know how to get back. She knew she had been out of it for a bit, but still. It was as if she were in a different building.

"We're almost there, Quinn," the nurse who had switched out with the nurse told her. They arrived at a long line of other people waiting for whatever test Quinn was having done. She couldn't even remember. She paused when she saw a laundry cart pass by as if collected linens. It wheeled itself into the elevator. Quinn watched the lights above it

She watched the elevator light as it stopped at the second floor.

"Quinn?"

She turned and looked at the woman, breaking her attention from the elevator.

"What?"

The intern's pager went off and a doctor peered around the corner. "Don't move, okay?" the intern said as she was halfway down the hallway. "Seriously I'll be right back!"

Quinn rolled her eyes and started to stand from her wheelchair. Too hard, she thought to herself as she could barely push herself to standing. She wheeled her way over the elevator and waited impatiently until the metal doors opened and she rolled herself in.

The doors closed and she was gone.

….

Shelby narrowed her eyes as she watched her son wheel Rachel and around the corner. She picked up the dog off of her daughter's lap and gave it to Bear.

"Where's Santana?"

Rachel looked up at her mother and then looked back at her brother.

"She and Joey went for a walk," Noah said.

"What-" Shelby began.

"Oh, good you're back," Gretchen said as she walked up to them.

Noah looked at her with confusion and then a slow nod. "Sure." He paused. "What for?"

"Rachel and I are going to talk," Gretchen said quietly.

"Ma, she knows that she's not gonna talk back right," he whispered to his mother.

Shelby shook her head and tried to smile. "Rachel will be fine," she said quietly.

Noah situated Rachel onto the bed and Shelby watched him watch Gretchen carefully.

"Noah, go with Pop-pop and find your aunt and then go and find your sister please," SHelby said.

Noah sighed. "It's fine. She's with Brittany."

"Brittany's here?" Shelby asked confused.

"Uhhh," Noah said confused.

Shelby frowned and shook her head. "Noah, just go outside for a bit...Go, please," she encouraged. Noah sighed and left the room and Shelby turned to Gretchen with a smile.

Gretchen smiled at Shelby. "Thanks, Shelby. We'll do this."

Shelby's smile faded. "I... I think it should stay."

"You should go look for Santana too," Gretchen said casually.

Shelby paused and looked at her with a mixture of confusion and betrayal. Shelby looked at Rachel who was looking at her, pleading her not to go. "I'll be right back."

"See you soon," Gretchen said as she sat down.

Rachel looked at her mother and watched her leave before shifting her gaze to Gretchen, only to quickly look away.

Gretchen soaked up Rachel's appearance. She leaned back into the chair with a heavy sigh.

"So, Rachel," she said with a soft grin. "Thanks for sitting up with me today."

The girl was propped up in bed and was silently looking at the woman with a frown. Her mother was at the door and her other relatives were unsuccessfully being subtle in the hallway. It was as if they all didn't expect Rachel or Gretchen for that matter to fail.

"What's with the face?" Gretchen asked lightly.

Rachel remained silent but tried to relax her face.

"Rachel, you're going to go home either later this afternoon or tonight," Gretchen began. "That can be scary, but also, I'm going to talk to your mother and your siblings and all of those relatives who love you out there. They're not going to treat you any differently because you're not expressing yourself that same. Or at least I don't want them to."

Rachel frowned again.

"That's confusing," Gretchen said with an understanding sigh. "I know you're scared, Rachel, but what I also know is that you were once a very expressive person and I think that you still are."

She paused and looked at Rachel. "You liked to sing right?"

Rachel shook her head and then looked at her hands.

"Rachel, he can't take it away from you," she whispered to her.

Rachel leaned back into her pillow away from the woman. clearly a subject that she didn't want to discuss.

"Rachel, you and your sisters and brother are going to do this differently than before," Gretchen began. "We're going to do meet together, and you'll visit with me and your mom and there's a group you'll go to."

Rachel looked up at that.

"I think you'll like it, Rachel. It's when kids your age who can talk about things. I think it's important. Your mom told me that you have a great friend, Kurt and another named Sugar." Rachel's head snapped up with confusion. Gretchen smirked. "Okay... your mom said that you and Sugar were newer friends." Gretchen said as she studied the girl's face. She couldn't read it. She wasn't sure if she was excited or scared. She had been watching the family carefully for days and there was so much that she had been able to infer, but she was still learning.

Gretchen opened her mouth to ask another question and she leaned forward again trying to make contact with the girl. However, she paused when she saw that the girl's chest heave and her body tense.

Gretchen looked behind her and saw Shelby talking quietly to Dr. Pierce.

"Rachel, your mom is right by the door," she said kindly. "I'm sure they're just talking about what you need for discharge." Gretchen had read how many pelvic exams this girl had to have. She was sure that was one of the many sources of her anxiety. She watched Rachel tense again. She looked back at the door again and a nurse was coming into the room to change the bed or do something nurse-like She realized that the nurse was male. "Rachel, your mom is at the door and your brother is outside too and your grandmother and grandfather, too. Your uncle and your aunt are here too. You're safe."

Rachel looked around again and her heartbeat increased.

"Rachel, you need to calm down," Gretchen replied. "You're going to be just fine." She tried distraction. "I forgot to tell you that we're also going to do some family work. It's a family session where we all sit down and figure out what works for you all. We'll probably do them at your house. Do you have a favorite place in your house?"

Rachel tilted her head and looked back into the hallway again.

"Rachel," Gretchen started noticing that she was losing her focus... or what little she had to begin with. "I want you to try to do something for me. Your sister, Quinn, actually mentioned it to me." Rachel looked up with curiosity. "She said that you're the only one who can talk. We can't force you to talk. So, I brought you a notebook for you to write whatever you want to write or say."

Rachel looked at the notebook that the woman handed to her and then looked over at the door.

"Okay," Gretchen said as she stood. "Rachel, look at me." She did. "I'm excited to work with you. We can move forward and do this together."

Gretchen was sure... almost sure... that she saw a tiny smile on the edges of Rachel's lips. She turned and walked into the hallway in time for Noah to come practically barrell her down.

"Do you want to do a session with her now?" Shelby asked as she followed her son into the room. "Noah, please be cautious of the IV," she said for the millionth time only to have the boy roll his eyes for the millionth time.

"I don't think so," Gretchen stated. "I think we should start that when she's an environment she's more comfortable with." She looked toward the room and then looked back at the mother. "Would you like to talk now or later tonight? I can call you once you're settled-"

Shelby shook her head. "I'm sure once the house is quiet and I'm able to talk that I am sure that Rachel will be on top of me and Quinn will be snoring, don't tell her I told you," she said with a slight smile. It faded when she looked at Gretchen's face. "Or we can talk now...It'll probably wake the kids if you call later. We should talk now."

Shelby nodded and looked over at . "I'll be right back, Rach."

Shelby made her away across the hallway, followed by her Gretchen. She folded her arms and looked past Gretchen into the hallway. "I want to talk with you but San might need me."

Gretchen nodded. She opened her mouth and tried to speak, but nothing came out. She paused again. She brought her hands up in front of her. "There's a lot to work on," she finally said.

"I know," Shelby said quietly.

"There's a lot to work on but it's not impossible. At times it might seem like it but all these kids have been through so much-"

"I know they have," Shelby said as she tightened her arms.

"And I'm also not saying that you haven't done a terrible job," Gretchen said.

Shelby scoffed and shook her head.

"Shelby, I'm serious," Gretchen said. "I am not going to lie and say that if they had more aggressive treatment right off the bat that it might have been different, but you know as well as I that we can't change things."

Shelby let out another heavy sigh.

Gretchen went on. "You all have done so well, but you all are struggling too." She took a deep breath. "There is so much that hasn't been addressed." Shelby looked at her. "Leroy's death hasn't been discussed with Santana... or even Rachel for that matter."

"She doesn't want to talk about it," Shelby said. "they've tried to talk to her about it."

"Well, I think it's something that needs to be talked about again. Also, Quinn hasn't talked about her abuse or addressed it."

"No," Shelby said. "I don't want to push them."

"And that is the root of the problem, Shelby. That's why they sleep with you still. You have to let them go."

"I won't push them into an area they're not comfortable with. Their entire lives have been about being forced to do things that they don't know how to do."

"But that's the problem, Shelby," Gretchen said again. "That's the exact problem. Quinn has had her guard up the whole time. -"

"I know her. I know my kids. I know that they struggle all of the time," Shelby said tearfully.

"You have only skimmed the surface. Santana cannot talk about hard things. She cannot talk about him-"

"With you," Shelby said. "She hasn't talked about it with you."

Gretchen shook her head and looked at her gently. "It's not just about talking about things, Shelby. They won't address it within themselves. Rachel doesn't know what to think. Noah doesn't know what to think. Quinn is devastated and confused and …. That's all okay because we will work on it."

Shelby sighed. "What do you want us to do?"

"What do you mean?" Gretchen asked.

"I'm sure that there are things that you want us to work on," Shelby sighed.

"I think that I want you to start to think about the small things. We'll work together as a team and all I ask that you're honest," Gretchen said calmly.

Shelby looked at her and she realized for the first time that everything that had happened, all of it, seemed to sink into her and once again, she felt another fracture within herself.

"Shelby?"

The woman broke her eye contact with Gretchen and looked at the door. Joey was looking at her with regret and worry.

"We have a problem," Joey said.

….

Once the elevator doors opened, Quinn noticed that the atmosphere had changed. It was quiet on this floor. She paused. It wasn't quiet as much as it was more deserted. There were machines running which made it feel like the whole floor was moving with a slow rumble. She wheeled herself slowly and carefully down the hall.

"Can I help you?" a voice asked causing her to jump.

She looked up and say a young woman standing there couldn't be more than her mid-twenties.

"I'm looking for the lost and found... My sister lost something in the sheets," she said.

"They let her come down here by yourself?" the girl asked.

Quinn nodded.

The woman tilted her head in suspicion but nodded. "There's a room at the end of the hallway. It's used as the lost and found."

Quinn realized that if this was a man she could have been more hesitant. She would have gave more consideration to this situation. But the person helping her was female and she didn't consider it. Instead she wheeled herself after her. The woman opened the room.

"There's a few boxes at the back of this storage closet. Ignore the mess. We keep the other chemicals in here," she said. "Just make sure to keep the door propped. Okay?" She nodded toward a box that she had placed in front of the door.

Quinn nodded. She wheeled herself to the door and realized she probably wouldn't be able to maneuver in there.

"Do you need help?"

"No, I'm fine," she said with a snap. She took a deep breath. "Thanks."

"Let me know when you're done. I'm in the room down the hall." And the girl was gone.

Quinn rolled her eyes and sighed. she turned her attention in the room. She saw boxes in the back of the storage room. She had to practically crawl over a shop vacuum and other tools Quinn would have assumed were unnecessary in a storage closet in the darkest corner of a hospital in Lima, Ohio.

She groaned as she pushed herself to standing and made her way into the room. She gripped onto the piles of the metal shelves as she felt the blood rush to her brain. She chuckled to herself as she made a mental note to get up more slowly the next time she was in the hospital in a basement searching for her kid sister's lifeline. She scrunched her nose up. This place smelt stale. It smelt and looked like the only place in the hospital that hadn't been cleaned thoroughly.

As she glared at the items in the room her feet got tangled on one of the extension cords and she felt her body lurch forward. Her arms barely had time to catch themselves but they did. She groaned and kept her eyes shut as she told herself she would feel that in the morning.

She craned her head up and opened her eyes. The box was in front of her face and peeking from the box was a stuffed monkey's paw.

She felt a relief and hope enveloped her. A smile burst from her lips as she reached and pulled out the monkey. Perhaps it's because she smiled for so long that the smile felt alien to her face, but she still couldn't stop.

She shifted and pushed herself so that she was sitting on the nasty floor. She looked at the monkey. It certainly had been through the wash. It was clean but its arm had a tiny tear. She sighed. At least she had him. She pushed on some objects to help her to standing but instead moved the box that was holding the door open. It was as if things moved in slow motion. The box moved and the door closed with a loud slam.

The smile on her face instantly faded.

"Fuck," she hissed.

….

Santana had pressed all of the buttons on the elevator. She didn't care. She just didn't. She watched as people got off and on. She pretended she was where she was supposed to be. She had ripped off her bracelet. She should have taken it off before. She wasn't a patient anymore her mother had discharged her.

She felt her chin quiver as the words that she had said to Brittany echoed in her brain. She didn't know how to be anyone's anything and she had ruined her last lifeline. She didn't realize the battles that they were fighting were too hard for anyone their age let alone anyone in her situation. It just hurt too much that things couldn't be simple. They never were.

After what she thought was the fifth time that the doors opened and closed, Santana concluded that she should get out and head back to the room. She was sure her mother was having an aneurysm. She noticed that the elevator stopped at the second floor. Perfect, she thought to herself. She could walk slowly back up to where her family was on the sixth and then her mind should be cleared by then.

The doors opened and she was hit with a stale smell of laundry. She frowned in disgust. You would think that this place wouldn't be as smelly.

She sauntered down the hallway. She was an expert at dwaddling. She smirked to herself. She should teach a damn class. She paused outside a closet where a lone wheelchair was sitting. She arched a brow with suspicion. It was as if someone was waiting to get back into it. She looked at the door. Santana knew a closet when she saw one. She hesitated again. She had seen many a horror movies begin this way.

The doorhandle moved and Santana jumped back as if it were on fire.

"Jesus," she whispered.

"Fuck," she heard someone on the other side mutter.

"... Are you okay?" Santana asked, once she realized a serial killer wouldn't be locked in a closet.

"Santana?"

"Quinn?"

Santana opened the door easily and looked at her sister with a confused frown. She soaked in her sister's appearance as Quinn did the same to her. She saw the monkey in her sister's hand and smiled with grateful understanding. Then her smile faded.

"If you're here-" Santana began.

"And if you're here," Quinn said back.

"We're in so much trouble," Santana said with a grimace. She sighed and leaned down to help her up. "Are you okay?"

"I wasn't in here long," Quinn said as she easy back into the chair with a heavy sigh. "Only enough to panic a bit."

Santana nodded. She knew her sister well enough not to ask if she was okay. She knew that she had been scared and that she was tired and weak, but there was no point of exhausting those facts. "How did you find the monkey?"

"I had a hunch," Quinn said. She paused as Santana began to push her back toward the elevator. "So... maybe we should take whatever long way you were going to take."

Santana nodded as she leaned on the handles of the wheelchair. "Yeah...Mom's going to be pretty mad since I bet we've been gone awhile because i've had time to ride the elevator long enough to stop at every floor twice."

Quinn smiled. "Definitely she'll be pissed then. I hope she doesn't make us talk about our feelings."

"Don't count on it," Santana replied. "I already had therapy twice today. I'm blaming you if I have it a third time."

"I was supposed to have an x-ray," Quinn said quietly. "I may have wandered off."

"They're going to put you on a leash," Santana replied as they rounded the corner. "After they kill you."

Quinn exhaled heavily and leaned back in the chair as Santana pushed her into the elevator. "At least we have the monkey."

Santana chuckled quietly as the doors closed. "At least."

"You okay?" Quinn asked after a few moments of silence.

Santana shook her head even though she knows that Quinn can't see her. "Not really," she whispered.

Quinn reached back and took her hand. "You're good enough, San."

Santana met her eyes as the girl turned and looked at her. "So are you."

The elevator dinged and the doors opened.

"Crap," Quinn said as the doors opened and they were met with their mother standing there with folded arms and an angry worried glare.

"Crap is right," Shelby replied.

Quinn was exhausted as they went the fifty yards down the hallway. Shelby waved down a nurse and they immediately turned and headed back to the elevator. Santana knew not to question why she was going with them.

"Do you have any idea how many people were looking for the two of you? Do you have any idea?" Shelby asked.

Santana looked at Quinn who only arched her eyebrow. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Are you?" Shelby asked. "You two keep wandering off all of the time. It's not okay. I know you both need your space, but you can't go getting it whenever you want. You can't. I need to know where you are. It's not just me here, girls, who were looking for you. This whole hospital was looking."

"We found him," Quinn said with a yawn.

"Found who?" Shelby asked.

Shelby looked at her blond child and saw that they were as exhausted as she was. Her eyes drifted to the girl's lap and she spotted the coveted monkey. She gave a sad smile and a heavy sigh. She pulled Santana into a side hug and kissed Quinn softly on the top of her head.

"This doesn't mean I'm not still angry," she said softly.

"We know," they whispered.

Shelby continued to lecture the girls about the importance of always letting Shelby know their whereabouts as Quinn got her x-ray.

"You okay?" Shelby asked Santana as they watched the technician move the machine around Quinn to get different angles behind the door.

Santana shrugged. "I broke up with Brittany."

Shelby nodded. "I'm sorry."

Santana shrugged. "It is what it is."

"It is, but I don't doubt that it's more than that," she told her quietly.

"Alright, all done," the technician said as she wheeled a tired Quinn out, who was still holding George.

Santana looked down at her. "You look like crap," she smiled.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Right back at you."

"Girls, please," Shelby said as she wheeled Quinn back toward the elevator. She smiled at the two of them when she saw them both sink back into themselves. "I have you both beat on the looking like crap scale."

Santana gave a soft smile. "Can we go home?"

Shelby nodded. "We just need to wait for Quinn's results back and your sister need to finish the IV bag she's on." Her smile broadened. "And you need to give her George."

Quinn gave a tiny smirk, but then it faded. "When will she talk?" she asked.

"What happened to her?" Santana asked. "How do we fix it?"

Shelby paused outside the room. "She's in there guys. She's getting better. We're fixing it already. We're on the road."

Rachel sitting in snuggled between Joey and Noah as the nurse took out Rachel's IV. The nurse put a bandaid where Rachel's IV had been. She looked up with hopeful eyes as they moved into the room.

"Hey," Quinn said as Shelby wheeled herself up to Rachel's bed.

Quinn had been concealing the monkey underneath the blanket that they had given her. She slowly pulled the stuffed toy out and Rachel let out a surprised gasp.

"I found him," Quinn said as she offered him to Rachel.

Rachel smiled from ear to ear and grabbed George with one arm and as quickly as she could she sat up on her knees and reached over to Quinn and wrapped her arms around her sister's neck.

"Careful, careful," Shelby said as she left her hand on Rachel's back as she reached up on her knees and hugged Quinn.

"Thank you," Rachel whispered. She leaned back on her heels and stood on the bed and wrapped her arms around Santana. "I know you helped. Thank you."

Shelby looked at Rachel with a tearful smile.

"Thank you, Mumma."

"You're welcome," Shelby muttered as she kissed the side of Rachel's head.

"Rach," Santana whispered from her arms still wrapped around her. Rachel turned and looked at her sister. "We looked so hard for this and Quinn found it and I know how much you need George." Rachel tilted her head and stared at her sister confused. "I think that as much as you need him. We need you here even more. I need you here. Okay?"

Rachel leaned forward and hugged her sister and let her head rest on her shoulder.

Santana went on. "We need you here."

Quinn nodded and looked at Rachel with a nod and an encouraging smile. "We do, Rach."

Rachel was still holding George's hand in hers and she let him go and reached out to Quinn to. "Okay," she muttered.

"Alright, we ready to go home?" Dr. Pierce asked as he came into the room.

"Yes, please," Rachel said as she leaned into Santana's arms.

Dr. Pierce smirked. "Well, if you say so, Rach," he grinned. "Quinn, your x-rays came back fine. You're doing great."

Rachel looked up at Santana as she felt her sister stiffen slightly. She saw that her big sister was looking down in embarrassment. She leaned closer to her.

"Guys, you're going home, but you need to still take care of yourself. Rach, you've been doing well with the IV and the nurse told me you ate some food this afternoon and Quinn, I know food has been up and down. I gave your mother some paperwork to start working with a nutritionist. He or she will work more with you. I know your mom matched you up with one before, but this one will help and come to the house and even teach you guys to cook, okay?"

Quinn forced a smile. "Joy."

He looked over at Santana. "Make sure you keep meeting with Gretchen and her team, San," he said gently. "We all want you to be the best that you can be. You are all so special to me and my family."

Santana turned away.

"Let's get you changed, Quinn, you look like you're half asleep," Shelby said gently as she began to help them.

…..

Santana leaned against the wall outside of the hospital room. Her head was so jam packed she wasn't sure where to begin. She knew she just needed to breathe. She was going to start there.

"Hello," Gretchen said as she walked past her.

"My mom said I could stand here," Santana said with a roll of her eyes. "She can see me and my aunt is at the end of the hallwy with my uncle."

"I was just saying hello," Gretchen replied.

"I just broke up with my girlfriend. In a hospital... only days after I tried to rape her..." Santana's words were rushed and breathy.

"Santana," Gretchen said stopping.

"What?"

"Why did you break up with her?" she asked.

"Because I had to," Santana replied. "I don't want to have a session. This isn't me asking for help."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you have to break up with her?" Gretchen asked.

"Because everything else was falling apart. I wanted to beat it to the punch," Santana shrugged. "It's more than just me right now and I'm making it about me."

"This is about you, Santana," Gretchen said. "Not anyone else. Your life is your own."

"It's not. It's not just me," Santana hissed, but she retreated when she noticed her aunt and uncle look up at her from the end of the hallway.

"It is Santana."

She lowered her gaze. "I don't want to focus on me," she whispered.

"Why?"

"Because... you were right. I am being held together with tape and glue...Have you seen crafts being held together like that. If you look at them, they'll fall apart simply by the force of your gaze," Santana scoffed.

"It's okay to fall apart."

"No it's not," Santana said dryly.

"Why isn't it?"

"Because I won't be put back together," said looking back into the room as her mother and grandmother helped Quinn and Rachel finish up.

"You certainly won't be the same, Santana but you'll be you... maybe even a you that feels better," she said.

"I … I didn't mean to tell them," Santana said suddenly.

"What?"

"I didn't mean to tell them what happened …." she muttered distantly.

Gretchen paused, knowing it was important that the girl was even acknowledging that something did happen. However, she wasn't sure exactly what Santana was speaking about.

Santana went on naturally. "I …. I didn't mean to. I lied and told them i that it didn't hurt... that I wasn't there...I lied. It hurt a lot. He made Rachel watch a lot... I don't think she remembers those parts. but... I tried not to cry. … but sometimes I couldn't help it." Santana paused. "All I'm trying to say is what you read in my file... I don't know if it's... It's not all true but it's not all fake."

Gretchen soaked in her words. "It can take awhile to process," she said finally. "Memories are hard to sort through.'

Santana nodded.

"You ready?" Shelby asked coming up behind them.

Santana nodded and gave her a weak smile.

Shelby rubbed Santana's back and kissed her on the head softly. "Let's get out of here." She nodded at Gretchen. "We'll talk later?"

Gretchen nodded at Shelby and offered Santana her card. "Santana, you call me anytime you want, okay?"

Santana looked at her card and gave a quiet nod. "See ya," she muttered.

….

As Shelby predicted, Rachel and Quinn were exhausted by the time they arrived home. Crackers and toast and medicine were all in their stomachs about an hour later and they were asleep in Shelby's bed. She was grateful for their exhaustion because it was going to be an even more exhausting road ahead. Therapy began tomorrow and school continued. Shelby was able to get Santana settled with Quinn and Rachel pretty easily. The girl finally let herself relax with Rachel curled into her arms as they snuggled on Shelby's bed. She was out in minutes.

Shelby sighed and one child, two child, three child. Where was-

"Hey, ma," Noah said as he emerged from his room.

"Hey, bud," she smirked. "You want to bunk with the girls in my room?"

He shook his head but teetered his weight back and forth.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I want to listen," he said. "I want to be apart of it."

"Apart of what?"

"I know that you're going to go downstairs and talk about the trial... and what happened. I want to be there for that," he said honestly.

"Noah," Shelby began.

"Mom," he said with more conviction. "I will be there for that. I'm just telling you. You can't make me leave."

She nodded understanding. "Okay."

He smiled triumphantly.

"Hey, Noah?" He paused and looked at her. "I don't know if I told you this, but I'm proud of you. So so proud. I always have been and so much has happened and you have handled it with such grace, Noah. We're all very proud of you."

He blushed. "It's fine, ma."

"And your singing, Noah," she whispered as he pulled him into a hug. "Thank you."

"Don't go all Sound of Music on me, Ma," he blushed again.

"Yeah, yeah," she smirked. "We would be better."

She followed him into the kitchen where Helen was scooping up some ice cream. "Dessert is always a must," she said with a smile.

"Thanks, mom," Shelby replied as she sat heavily at the table. "So what happened?"

Joey looked over at Noah who was shoveling ice cream into his mouth.

"He can stay. He wants to," Shelby said calmly.

Bear sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Well, the girls' testimonies it's hard to say where it put the jury, but Suzy's testimony is really demonstrating how manipulative he was."

"What do you mean?" Noah asked.

"Suzy has been talking about the tub and tape and -" Michael began.

"... What about a tub and tape..." Noah asked.

Joey looked at Shelby who turned and looked at her son with a heavy heart.

"Noah," she began slowly. "There are items and a tub, tape, rope...and other things... that Will purchased with Suzy that lead the lawyers to believe that he planned to not just take Rachel and ….. and hurt her... but kill her too."

He sat back silently for a minute. "Oh," he muttered finally. "But what she's saying... he'll go away for good."

"We hope so," Shelby replied.

"She goes on the stand again tomorrow," Michael said. "But it's been a long trial... we won't know anything final until they come back with their decision."

"What do you think will happen?" Noah asked. "I can't... They can't have him getting out later... or ever."

"We know, son," Bear said gently.

"No, you don't," he said as he shook his head. "You don't know them like I know them. They're barely hold on."

"Noah," Shelby said.

"No, Mom," he said. "Those lawyers need to put him away."

"It's not that easy, bud," Bear replied. "There's so much evidence and it's not and open and closed case. He has some great lawyers."

"There must be something that I can do," Noah said.

"There's not, son," Michael said

Noah leaned back and looked at his melted ice cream.

"We need more people to come forward," Michael said sipping his coffee.

"How do we do that?" Noah asked.

"I meant to say, Noah, that the case in general needs to have people step up. It's not our job and certainly not yours to go around helping to get testimony," he said.

Shelby watched her son. "It is not okay, Noah. If you do that it can ruin the case."

"What can I do then, ma?" he asked pleadingly. "I have to do something?"

"Noah, it's okay to feel helpless," Shelby said gently.

"No, it's not," he replied.

**I'm so sorry this took so long. Please let me know what you think of this chapter. I do have more planned for next chapter. I hope you stick around and read it. Please please please review. **


	66. Chapter 66

We love us – not really sure what this means – it sounds like you are disappointed and I am sorry about that – I hope you like this one if you are still reading and I apologize for the wait – Thank you for the review

Brittanyismyunicorn – Thank you so much for your review. It was sad that Santana pushed Brittany away but she really couldn't give the relationship the time that it needed. She doesn't like herself so she needs to find that in herself before giving herself to someone else. But she will. Noah does feel left out but he is very much in the girls lives and you will see it more and more. They need their brother and their brother needs them.

queenbeeee – Wow thank you so much – I am so happy you are enjoying it. There is no way that you can get through this story in 1 day – that's for sure. Thank you very much for the review. I am humbled by it. Sorry for the wait.

Drunalove - Sorry about the wait – no excuses – I will say that my beta and I talk and think about this story every day and we try our best to get it out as soon as we can. Thank you for the review and I will try and get the next update out sooner.

C3 – I am sorry the update took this long – I know Rachel has been through so much at such a young age. She definitely needs a lot of attention. The thing is even though she was abused at such a young age – that might have helped her a bit because she was too young to understand it. Not to say that it is a good thing because none of it is good. It certainly is a balance with Rachel. She is so young, and they're unsure of how to best help her because her PTSD is so severe. Thank you so much for the review.

littleredwritinggleek – Thank you for coming back. I appreciate it and I know it is a very hard read. The kids are getting better. They did need another therapist and also more therapy – more intense therapy – they were getting stuck and not that everyone didn't mean well it just they were drowning. The trailer can be found on my tumblr page  .com . Thank you for the review and I am happy you are back.

Goofy – ONE DAY – impressive because this is a very long story! I try very hard not to be inconsistent and sometimes that is the reason for my delays. I apologize and I hope it is nothing too glaring. I am sorry you do not like Rachel – she is young and because of her age she is inconsistent with a lot of things – she has been babied a lot because of the trauma and because she is the baby of the family. I am also sorry that you don't care for Quinn – she is my betas favorite and maybe its because she does like Dianna as an actress – that being said I really do like that you are still reading the story. Shelby is my rock and I hate how they portrayed her in the show so I wanted to show a very different and strong woman. Santana is a favorite of mine as well and they are going to change her treatment as well. The way she was treated was something that Santana was comfortable with for about 8 years and even though now they are figuring out that it may not have been the right way – they did not know that and they are learning that now. Does that make sense? Thank you for the review and there will be more moments with San and Noah soon.

Kissing-Razors13 – Thank you so much for your review – Wow 3 times rereading it – thank you! Regarding the reviews – its ok I get that people don't like parts of this – its not for everyone – it's a tough read. Thank you for your kind words – it really keeps me going knowing that people are still enjoying this story.

lemon-rind - The trauma they have all gone through is very exhausting. Quinn was determined to find the monkey but as you can see Quinn can be very reckless with her own well being and it is something that the therapist have to work on with her. Santana and Quinn do need alone time – especially Quinn and they will start to get some I promise you. They just have to behave when they have it. Thanks for the review.

krazyy989 - I am not sure why you think that about Noah but we will see! Santana is having a tough time right now but she is on her way to getting better. Thank you for reviewing!

OTHangels – Thank you – sorry for the delay in this update!

PassionIsKey – Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I am glad you like it. Santana is really at her breaking point and that is why this therapy is so important this time. She is at the age where she can now understand a lot more. She will now deal with issues that have been hidden to her and everyone and learn to cope better. I am sorry you don't care for Rachel – she is clingy but she has had a great deal of trauma happen to her at such a young age. I hope you will at least like her a little but if not I get it. Shelby is a rock – but she has her weaknesses but she is certainly the strongest woman I know. Because of therapy the punishments will start to calm down. The girls do need their own space but Quinn for one has not displayed that she can make good choices – but she will get there. They will head back to school as well but will it be McKinley – hmmmm not sure yet. Thank you for reviewing.

Asmodeus Poisonteeth – The Britt/San scene needed to happen – San is far from ready for a relationship and it is not really fair to Brittany. I was going to tell you what was going to happen to Will but my beta says no – not just yet – soon though real soon. I know there are many people that want to see him go to prison and or killed but we will see. Thanks for the review. Sorry for the delay.

Lolathe17th – I have to tell you it was so hard to write Rachel not talking. So I am glad she is talking again too! Santana had to break up with Brittany because she has to get better first but never say never they may get back together again. The trial should be wrapping up soon but the girls will not go back into the courtroom – it will not help in their healing. Thanks for the review.

RaneJizzoli – Thank you so much for your review. I try my best not to ignore characters or lose some of them and sometimes it is hard. This story is intense and I am glad you are enjoying it.

Cookie07 - The hardest thing to do is make sure a parent gives equal time and support to all her kids. Shelby tries and while some people may think she favors one over the other – she is human and it may happen from time to time. Sometimes it will appear that one child needs it more than the other. Santana was always feisty – she was the tazmanian devil according to her father – she was not a delicate child so her aggressiveness has been there but it was made worse by the trauma. The trauma that happened to Santana happened when she was only 8 and it was awful and painful – she remembers a lot and a lot more than Rachel but she may not remember it all – they have only touched the surface on what happened and the only ones that truly know are a sick sick man and a traumatized 8 year old. Having said that – I am not sure how much at this time I am going to go into because now its in recovery mood. Thank you so much for your review. I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter out – time got away from me and my beta.

alopez208 - Well I am sorry that I make you cry thank you so much for your kind words. This story is so near and dear to me and I am so happy that people are still enjoying this. Thanks again.

Ryoko05 – Thank you so much for your continued support – I often wonder because my updates are not as often and I am no longer a fan of the original show if people are still into this. So thank you so much for saying that – I need it. My job is very much tied to the type of trauma that these characters have faced and unfortunately for the victims it is not a quick fix and it takes many many years to work through the pain but in the end – with the right help and support it can be done.

1moredreamer – I am glad you recognize the growth of everyone. Some is very small but some of them are making bigger strides. They will all heal at different rates because the trauma happened to each one of them differently but they will lean on each other to heal. Rachel will start to come around – Gretchen and her team will start to get through to her in this chapter. She will see that she is not alone and she is very much loved and needed. As always – thank you so much for your support from Brazil!

Guest – Glad you like it – sorry for the delay.

Sarah11650 – Thank you very much for the review. Sorry for the delay!

Guest – I am sorry you think that Shelby favors Noah – that's not my intention. The girls just deal with their anger differently and Noah had already gone away for more intense therapy when he was younger – he did physically hurt people whereas Santana only hurt things. Thank you for your review and I hope you will continue to read.

piecesofyourheart – Rachel will chat again. And Brittany is not gone forever. She will be coming back definitely . She is Quinn's friend and will be at the very least Santana's friend too, its just that they really cant be in a healthy relationship right now. Thank you for reviewing.

qwertyuiop1234 – Rachel will get a lot of focus and Santana and Quinn will get it as well. They have babied Rachel a lot because they thought that was best but it wasn't really the right approach. They will get there – thanks for the review and I hope you like this chapter.

JWilson18 – I couldn't lose George forever! Quinn knows how important that monkey is to Rachel and how devastated Santana was that it was lost so she needed to do this for them. Its time for Noah to know about the trial as long as he knows that the way to help is to let the authorities take care of things. Thank you for the review.

NinjaGleek21 – You are not a terrible person by any means. Thank you so much for the cookies and the review! I am glad you are still enjoying it.

sarge362 – I try to give each character the same amount of time without adding unnecessary fillers – sometimes it gets very hard. The story is full of angst you are correct. And I try to put warnings out – they will get better but it is a long road – I am trying to paint it as realistic as possible but I also understand if people feel that it gets tiring and boring. Its not for everyone. You are correct in why Noah got his therapy and about Rachel – Santana made it seem like she was getting better when in fact she may have just suppressed a lot of the pain. Quinn's trauma is very much in the forefront because it just happened or was just discovered so her therapy is new and raw to her as well. Thank you so much for your review.

zuperkt – Thank you for having faith in my Corcoran family. They did show lots of small acts of healing this last chapter and they will survive because they have each other and are strong! Britts not going to die but they needed to break up right now because its not what San needs right now. Thanks for reviewing.

Gleegirl913 – It will have more Rachel / Shelby and I really do try to make it as even as possible I am sorry you feel that I have focused too much on them. I hope you like this better. Thank you for the review.

HannahWilliam33 – I am glad you liked the chapter. Brittany and San needed this and I am also happy that Rachel is back to talking. Thanks for the review.

G2 – I am sorry you think that way. I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for reviewing.

Guest – I think Rachel and Quinn care about Santana very much as does Nana and the rest of the Corcoran clan – I am positive Joey loves her and cares about her very much. Thank you for your review.

Guest – I am sorry you feel that this story is stuck. I try very hard to move the story along but I understand if you feel that it is too slow. Thank you for your review.

Guest – I am glad that you gave this story a try and I am sorry if it is not paced to your liking. I know this story is not for everything. Thank you for taking the time to read this story and I am sorry I disappointed you. Thank you for your review.

TommyH – Thank you for your continuous support!

Guest – Yes it will have some happy moments but it is mostly an angst story. Thanks for your review.

blueashke – Santana's therapy will include taking about her previous trauma and getting to know what really happened. She is in for some intense therapy but she will start to heal. Thanks for the review.

Paigeheartsglee12 - Thank you so much for your review. I am glad you like the story.

Noah had one of the muffs of the earphones on his ear and the other propped off of his opposite ear. He had gotten over the shock of hearing his father's voice in the music a little while ago. Now he was focused on the notes as he strummed. Transposing wasn't easy but we he managing as he attempted to follow along with it.

He was thankful for the silence so that he could concentrate on the music. His aunt and uncle had somehow managed to convince his grandparents to stay at their house for the night. His aunt had said something about the immediate family having time together or something like that. Noah couldn't quite remember.

Either way the house was now silent besides the whispering of the music in his ear. His mother had tried to stay up with him but had fallen asleep on the couch during the nightly news. He had tucked her in on the couch, but she had awoke and had mumbled about how it was important for him to go to sleep. Noah nodded and lied through his teeth as he told her that he would go to sleep soon.

He listened carefully to the chords and strummed them quietly in sync with what he heard. He paused every so often and wrote down a few notes on a piece of paper.

"What are you listening to?"

He jumped and looked up in surprise.

"Hi," he said with a sigh of relief when he saw Rachel staring back at him holding George close. She looked more surprised than he was. "Why aren't you snuggling upstairs with Mom and the girls?" He smirked as he set his guitar aside. "I know you're tired."

She shrugged and walked over to him. She pulled herself next to him and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"What are you doing awake, bug?" he tried again after a few minutes of silence.

"I couldn't sleep," she muttered.

"How long did you take to try to go back to sleep?"

Rachel shrugged. "Enough time... I was scared …. Even though Quinn and Santana were there I got scared... normally Mumma helps me go to sleep or Santana ….. but …. I couldn't ….." she trailed off.

"Couldn't what?" he asked.

"I couldn't be alone with the stuff in my head... It scared me," she whispered.

He pulled her close. "I get that. You just have to let the better stuff in your head take over."

She shrugged and nodded toward his stuff. "What are you doing?"

"Just playing with a song," he smiled. "Mom still sings you to sleep right?"

Rachel lifted one of her shoulders to her ear. "Sometimes..."

He pulled her closer to him and grabbed his headphones and put them on her ears. "Listen to this," he said gently.

She leaned into his side and listened to the song. "I know this song," she muttered. "Brown Eyed Girl."

"Yup," he grinned.

She slipped the earphone off her ears with a yawn. "Why are you listening to that?" she asked.

"You and Santana would never sleep... ever..." he grinned. "Dad sang to you a lot. He sang the Beatles song but he also sang different songs to you. Both you and San used to calm with the songs."

Rachel looked up at him with another yawn.

"I know you're tired," he chuckled. "You want to stay with me until you fall asleep and then I'll bring you upstairs?"

She shrugged. "I want to stay with you…..Will you sing it to me?" she asked as she leaned back into him. "Can we watch a movie?"

"I thought you wanted me to sing a song," he teased.

"Oh yeah," she grinned with heavy eyes.

"You want me to sing to you?" he asked with a grin.

She shook her head. " I want a story."

"A story?" he chuckled at her fickle nature.

She nodded. "Yes, about puppy dogs and kittens," she smiled pushing his creative envelope.

He rolled his eyes. "I hate cats."

"I know," she responded but then frowned. "Why?"

"Because they're cats," he sighed. "Fine. I'll tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a dog and a cat. The cat was obnoxious and was always getting into trouble. He went over waterfalls - but he got what was coming to him. A nice cold bath. Anywho,the cat always tried to make friends who didn't want to be friends with him. Birds... bears... and -"

"Noah," Rachel frowned with a yawn. "You can't tell me your account of Milo and Otis."

"Why?" he asked. "It's a story."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Another story."

"Fine," he frowned. "Once upon a time there was a young puppy. He was a mischievous puppy and would always eat everyone's clothes and shoes. His owner was a young boy who had a sister and a brother. His brother had an older dog who thought that this new puppy was a bit reckless and crazy and his sister had a snotty old cat. One day the family went on vacation -"

"Noah," she sighed. "That's Homeward Bound."

"You love Homeward Bound," he said with a grin.

Rachel grinned. "Okay... continue..." she said with her eyes closed as she leaned back against him.

"Anyway... the family went on vacation and left the pets at a farm, but they didn't realize they were just there for a visit so of course being all panicky and crazy... they went after the family-"

"Why..." She yawned. "Why.. didn't we go to London...When Mumma left?"

He paused for a moment and kissed the top of her head. "Because we're humans, Rachel. We didn't have Chance and Shadow's sense of smell."

Rachel smiled with her sleepy eyes closed. "I like that answer."

"Me too," he smiled to himself..

"Keep going," Rachel whispered.

Noah whispered. "Um... and then they ran across the field after falling in a muddy hole."

Rachel's eyes snapped open. "You ruined the moment."

He grinned. "Why don't you tell me a story?" She shook her head against him and he sighed. "How about...I tell you a story?"

She rolled her eyes. "That's what I asked."

He kissed the top of her head. "Yeah.. yeah..." He sided. "Soooo... This is a true true true story."

She yawned. "A true true story?"

He nodded. "Once upon a time-"

"Don't be too cliche," she whispered as she snuggled into her brother.

"There's no seafood in it," he assured, causing Rachel to shake her head tiredly.. "So you were born early... once upon a time." She smiled with her eyes closed. "When Dad finally brought us to the hospital, I was so so so excited to see you. Santana asked Dad if every baby we saw was you as we went through the hallways. We stopped at the nursery wing. Dad picked us up so we could see all the babies. Santana pointed at every single one of them and said, 'That's her. That's her... wait... That's her.' But then dad shook his head and said that you were so special that you had to be kept somewhere else, somewhere special. You arrived early and so you had a special room where early arrivers came. Dad said he wanted to show us what how big the regular newborns were so that we knew how small you really were."

Rachel yawned. "I wasn't special," she muttered. "I was different..."

Noah hugged her to him. "You are so so special. Santana was very careful with you. I think it's because Dad told her that you were like her paper mache project that she broke carrying up the stairs... Dad said that we needed to be gentle with you -"

"Because I was tiny... I still am," she mumbled.

"No, because you were going to be a star. You are going to be."

"He didn't say that," Rachel said looking up at him.

"He did," Noah said with a nod. "I was there."

"Your memory is wrong. You were too little."

"Nope," he grinned. "He said that Rachel Barbara Corcoran had a set of lungs on her. He knew you could sing."

"I don't want to sing," she whispered. "Not anymore."

"It was your voice, Rach. You don't have to sing now but it was a strength that he knew from the beginning."

She shook her head. "I don't think that's true."

"Dad knew you were strong, Rachel. We all did, but most of all him. He had no doubt that you were going to fine. It didn't mean we couldn't help you. San even told Dad that she would take care of you because she was strong."

Rachel frowned and looked at her hands as she nestled into her brother, thinking of his words.

He rested his chin on the top of her head. "Rachel, you got yourself through that. …. and then you were the one that pushed through and survived what happened in New York."

"You were there... and everyone else..." she muttered with another yawn.

"But you, Rach, people can try and try, but you were the one that pushed through."

She wrapped her hand around his hand that was resting on her midsection. "Can you tell me another story about him?"

He smiled. "Absolutely."

In minutes they were both asleep.

…...

Shelby's eyes flickered open. Her body was exhausted but somehow she felt more rested than she had felt moments before. She felt an arm draped over her midsection and a body nestled against her front. Sunlight. Morning. Words seemed to form slowly at the front of her brain. Children... Shelby's eyes snapped open. Quinn had her body snuggled into. She leaned forward and kissed her softly on her head and then turned her head back to see Santana behind her with her arms draped over her. Shelby remembered hazily crawling into bed last night with the girls.

"Mom, stop moving," Quinn grumbled.

"Yeah," Santana groaned.

"Get up, girls," Shelby said as she pushed herself up, forcing the girls to shift and getting grunts of dissatisfaction in response. "How are you feeling, Quinn? I want to check your PICC line-"

"My what?" Quinn asked.

"The portable IV thing," Santana muttered.

"I'm fine… It's fine," Quinn replied.

"Well, I'm going to check it nonetheless," Shelby said.

"Mom," Santana rawred as she pulled the pillow on top of her head.

"Santana, you're not a lion," Shelby said. "We do not sleep all day."

"Yes, we do... and we are lions," Quinn mumbled into her pillow. "Where's Rachel?" she asked as she moved her arm around the bed with her eyes still closed.

Shelby looked around. "She's asleep with Noah," Nana said as she passed the door.

"When did you get here?" Shelby called out.

"An hour or so ago," she replied casually from down the hall again.

"Does she have a key or did she burgle her way in?" Santana asked lifting her head.

"Grandmothers don't burgle," Nana called out.

"That's stereotyping, Nana," Quinn called back.

Nana made a noise from the hallway.

Quinn closed her eyes.

"No, no," Shelby said with a smirk. "We're going to wake up, girls. It's almost ten o'clock."

"So," Santana said as she sat up.

"So..." Shelby mocked slightly. "We have things to do." She reached out for her phone and looked at the time. "We really need to get up, girls. Let's go."

"I don't understand why we can't sleep in," Quinn grumbled.

"We already have," Shelby grinned. She looked down at her phone and saw a red alert indicating that she had a voicemail. She sat up and put the phone to her ear as she rubbed Quinn's back.

The message began to play in her ear. "Good afternoon, Shelby. It's Jackie from the Department. I know that you and I haven't spoken in a bit. I hope Quinn is doing well. This isn't about Quinn though." Quinn looked up at Shelby as if she heard her name though the phone. Shelby paused the message and put her hand over the speaker. "San and Q, I mean it. Up and adam."

Shelby brought the phone back to her ear and resumed the recording of the voicemail. "I know that there has been a lot happening with the trial and especially with the girls' individual care. I don't want you to feel pressured about what I will ask. I am reaching out because we're desperately looking to place one of my clients in the Lima area. She attends Gable right now and we really don't want to disrupt her school placement. It'll only be through the rest of the school year because she is a senior. Again, I understand the gravity of what your family is coping with right now. I am hesitant to ask but management in my office wanted me to reach out and ask. Give me a call. Thank you."

Shelby looked at her phone. She has called yesterday afternoon while they were at the hospital. She hadn't even heard her phone go off.

"Who was that?" Santana asked.

"None of your concern," Shelby said as she could feel Quinn's eyes on her too. She swatted the air as if had done something to her. "Completely unimportant."

Quinn frowned.

"Seriously, girls," Shelby said as she stood up and stretched. "Get dressed please. We have places to go. People to see. By the time I come back those butts better be out of that bed."

Quinn rolled her eyes but sat up anyway as she watched her mother leave.

"That voicemail was about me," she said as her eyes watched after her mother's departure.

Santana rested her chin on her palm. "What?" She shook her head. "You don't know that."

"I do. I heard my name," Quinn said.

"Well you're adopted. We're stuck with you. Go to sleep. If we're in REM when she gets back then we won't have to go do what we have to do," Santana said as she readjusted her pillow.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "You're not tired. You just don't want to do that group you have to go to," Quinn muttered

"Whatever," Santana groaned. She moved her head on her pillow so that she was looking up at Quinn. "We're never going to get rid of you. It's probably the department asking if they could put you on a poster about successful kids. Plus, you're not heinously ugly-"

"Thanks, Santana," Quinn replied dryly. She leaned back and looked out the window.

"Stop thinking so loudly," Santana muttered with her eyes closed. She opened them and looked up at her. "What's wrong?"

"What's not wrong?" Quinn responded.

Santana looked at her. "I know," she whispered.

"I just… I'm caught in my head right now….. You know? I just… I need some time…."

"For what?"

Quinn shrugged. "I don't know." "This doesn't feel like my life…" Her voice was a whisper.

Santana let out a slight sigh and sat up as she leaned against the headboard next to her sister. "... I was eight…. when everything happened." Quinn looked over at her in surprise. Santana played with the blanket's edge. "It's normal for nothing to feel real. It's …. normal to feel numb."

"Is it?" Quinn asked with a frown.

Santana frowned. "I have spent forever since my …. since my dad died trying to get back to 'normal'..." Quinn stared at her, knowing that this level of vulnerability was rare to reveal. "I'm now just realizing that I can't…."

"I don't understand," Quinn muttered after a few moments of silence.

Santana looked up at her with a forelong look. "I'm just trying to say that …. What you had, Quinn….. It wasn't okay… but it was normal for you…. and it's okay to struggle with the change."

Quinn shook her head. "I don't know if that's the issue."

Santana looked at her. "Going back to my mom was really hard," she muttered with a crack in her voice. "Just because you have something better doesn't make it easier to accept."

Quinn chewed her lip and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know what to say. "Even though you're you, you still grew up knowing how to articulate how you feel. I don't know how to say it. It's all gumbled in my head."

Santana scoffed quietly. "Articulate how I feel? I'm pretty sure I threw furniture at you…."

"The girls I met at the group home where I stayed were crazier than us."

"Yeah?" Santana smirked.

"While I have no way of articulating how I feel, they really had no idea. They would flip when they couldn't have a bagel at breakfast…." Quinn's smile faded. "I always wondered what made them that way and I reminded myself that it could be worse."

"But that doesn't mean that what happened with you isn't big…." Santana said gently. "Listen… I know that you don't like talking about it …. Maybe it'll help…"

"Isn't this the pot calling the kettle black?" Quinn said.

"Probably," Santana replied. "But… I've been actively trying to move on and return to normal by ignoring everything that happened….and it hasn't worked. Plus I have had more sessions with Gretchen and …. while they suck a lot… I feel better… somehow… but I do…. and it makes me want to get better even more…" She looked at her sister. "It makes me think that I don't want to be where I am… and how I feel for the rest of my life." She looked at her hands again. "I can't let him ruin my life forever…. Hiram… I can count the number of times I've said his name….. I …. I feel like everytime that I lose control that he gets that control."

Quinn nodded. "I …. I know that you hate him-"

"Hate doesn't begin to describe what I felt for him," she sneered.

"... I …." She shook her head. "Never mind"

"What?" Santana asked turning to her.

"It's not …. It's not that simple with me." She looked at Santana tearfully. "My parents were all that I had….. They were terrible but they were all that I had… but I still don't know how I feel… It's like…. It's like I was drowning and now I'm a fish that's washed up…."

Santana gave a slow nod. "But it's not all you have now. You're not alone anymore."

"But sometimes, it was easier when I was. I could get lost and pretend I was somewhere else. I love you guys."

Santana nudged her. "Awwww."

Shut it," Quinn said with a jab in Santana's side with her elbow.

"I just…. I went from being able to escape into a book… or in being a bitch at school .. to being surrounded by genuine people…. It's … it's hard… and I …. I don't know."

"I get it," Santana said, taking in the somber atmosphere. "You just need to talk to Mom about that. I think you need time to yourself." She took her hand. "We're going to get out of this town, Quinn. We're going to be okay."

"I hope so," she whispered. She chuckled.

Santana smiled to herself. "I think you escaped because you're so good at being a bitch."

Quinn smacked her in the face with a pillow. "Look who's talking."

….

Shelby knocked gently and went into Noah's room. She sighed. Empty. She peeked into the bathroom where she thought Rachel was. Empty. She frowned and forced herself not to panic as she made her way down the stairs. When she entered the living room she saw Rachel sleeping on top of Noah and Noah with his head crooked to the side.

She grimaced. They didn't look comfortable at all. She knelt beside them and shook them slightly.

"Guys, time to wake up." Her voice was gentle as she attempted not to startle them.

Rachel's eyes fluttered open and she looked at her mother. "Hi," she whispered.

"Hey," Shelby said as she cupped her cheek. "How you doing?"

She gave a tiny nod. "I'm okay."

"We need to check your temps and take a neb treatment before breakfast," Shelby said. "When did you come down here?"

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know. It was still dark out and Noah was awake."

Shelby frowned. "Did you try to go back to sleep at all?" Rachel nodded. "Honey, I know you wanted some company, but because you slept on the couch you and Noah were not sleeping comfortably."

Rachel looked up at her older brother who was still snoring slightly. "He's still sleeping."

"You and I both know that it's better for sleeping if you sleep in a bed," Shelby said.

Rachel nodded. "For REM," she muttered.

"That's right," Shelby said as she kissed her on the top of her head. "You know that you can wake me up when you want."

Rachel just stared back at her."I'm going to go brush my teeth," she said with a yawn as she slid off of Noah's lap.

Shelby took her hand before she slipped by her. "I have a surprise to tell you about."

Rachel frowned. "What?"

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you," she winked.

Rachel gave a tiny smile. "Kay," she said as she placed George next to her brother.

Shelby watched her youngest child walk down the hallway before she turned to her son. "Noah," she said shaking him a little harder." Nothing. "Noah."

"What?" he groaned.

"Get up, son," she said. "It's ten o'clock."

"Ma," he moaned as he brought the pillow on top of his head and moved to snuggle down on the couch. His arms reached out to where Rachel was just sitting He opened one of his eyes and looked around. "Where is she?"

"She's brushing her teeth and washing her face. Getting ready for the day like you should." She sighed. "Why didn't you go upstairs last night?"

He shrugged. "We didn't need to. We were comfortable down here."

"Were you?" Shelby asked.

Noah sat up and cracked his neck as he stretched. "Just a tad bit stiff."

Shelby smiled. "Did you have trouble sleeping?"

He shrugged. "Kinda… but Rachel came down and we talked."

"Yeah? Can I ask about what?"

"About dad," Noah said quietly. "I think…. I think she might be better if she sings again." He looked up at his mother. "Right?"

Shelby looked at him with a weak smile. "Noah, I think that Rachel has a lot to work on. We all do. I think that she will go back to singing but we can't push her."

"Why not? It might be what she needs. I need football to help me. Rachel just needs to get back to singing and she'll be better. I know it."

"I think that it might help, Noah, but I think it's really complicated. It has been her source of relief for her but it's also a source of terror. With you it took time, remember? You didn't want to play hockey for a long time… you really got back into sports when you went to your program."

"... The coach helped focus me. We just need to find Rachel a good coach. Right?"

"Noah," Shelby said again. "It's not as easy for Rachel to get back into the game."

"Why? Why isn't that simple for her?" Noah asked.

Shelby looked at him. "It was never simple for you, Noah. Nor Santana or Quinn. I think that Rachel will need a lot of pushing but she will also need a lot of support. Like you did. But singing was how he was connected to her. I think it's going to take someone more than this family that can help re-introduce singing into her life."

"Why?" he asked sadly.

Shelby gave a small shrug. "Because it was what we used before, remember?" Noah looked back at her confused. "When she was young, we used it as a tool to help bring her out of a sadness she was in then…."

"It worked before though," Naoh argued.

"And it might work again, but I think it needs to be more than just us. I think we can push her, but we have to careful. I think with all of us, Noah, we can't do things how we did them before."

He gave a slow nod and chewed his lip. "Mom?" he asked after a few moments.

"Yes?"

"Would…. would you be angry….if I went away?"

"Where would you go?" she asked. "You mean for school?" she realized.

"Yeah…."

"I would miss you every day," she smiled. "But I would be so grateful and proud if you did too. I think starting in a new place would be an incredible adventure for you. Do you want to go away?"

He shrugged. "I do, but I don't want to run away."

"I don't think you will. You're starting a new adventure. You're moving on."

"... But I don't want to leave everyone else behind," he muttered.

"You're not," Shelby said. "We're moving on with you." She leaned over and kissed him softly on the forehead. "Now go hop in the shower and get dressed."

He stood up and smiled at his mother as she continued to sit on the couch. "Thanks, Ma."

She nodded. "Thank you," she said with a smile.

…..

Shelby pulled the Range Rover into the parking space. She looked in her rearview mirror and the four kids were looking out the window at the big building.

"We're all going inside?" Noah asked.

Shelby shook her head. "Yes and no," she said. "You're mentor is meeting us here, and will bring you home, Noah. Santana and Rachel's groups are in the building and Gretchen's office where Quinn is going is also here."

Shelby looked at her silent girls. Santana was glaring at the building as if it was threatening her. Quinn was frowning and trying to figure out which window was Gretchen and Rachel was just starting down at her hands. She took a deep breathe. "Let's go, guys. I'm starting a new trend and not be late."

Slowly the kids filtered out of the car. Rachel had insisted on bringing George but now the girl was staring in the car at her monkey on the seat as if she was making Sophie's Choice. Shelby leaned closer to her daughter's ear.

"Bug," she whispered. "You can bring him in if you want, but I don't think you'll need him, but I'll hang out here while you're all in your groups and I can run out and get him if you need him."

Rachel nodded and started to walk next to the family into the building.

Quinn was holding the crook of her arm as her fingers kept grazing over her portable IV. She stared at the numbers as they rode up the elevator. Santana had opted to take the stairs with Noah, but only after a stern. silent look from Shelby that said, "Your butts better be where they're supposed to be when we get up there." She stared down at Rachel, who was holding onto Shelby's hand with a death grip. When the floor dinged, they arrived at the level that Quinn was supposed to get off on. Quinn felt Shelby's hand on her. Shelby had left Rachel with Noah and Santana near the elevators as she walked with Quinn into the office.

Santana gave her a tiny wave as Rachel practically climbed on Noah for comfort. Quinn turned forward and saw a large waiting room.

"Are we early?" Quinn asked.

"A little," Shelby said.

"What about them?" Quinn asked motioning toward the door.

"You're meeting with Gretchen is in less than five minutes and then Santana and Rachel's groups start. San's going to have lunch with hers and then Rach's gets out and she and you are going to your cooking thing."

Quinn grimaced. "Hooray." She looked at her mother. "You don't have to wait for me you know. She's going to come and get me. There's nowhere for me to go."

"Well, I want to," Shelby said. "Plus I would be nervous."

"I've met with her before." She shrugged. She chewed the inside of her lip. "I … I think I want to talk to her. I ….I think I do." Shelby looked at her, encouraging her to continue. "... I know that that person was talking about me on the phone this morning."

Shelby looked at her with a frown. "Quinn -"

"I heard my name," she said, cutting her off and holding her mother's gaze. "Will you tell me?" .

"Quinn," Gretchen said as she entered the the waiting room.

Quinn continued to hold her mother's gaze waiting for an answer.

"I will but after your session. It's nothing directly about you. It's because you've done so well at our house they're asking a favor of me," Shelby said simply.

The blonde let out a little sigh of relief as Shelby pulled her in for a gentle hug. Her mother kissed her gently on the top of the head. "Nothing to be worried about," Shelby whispered in her ear.

She pulled away. "I'll see you in an hour."

Shelby watched as Quinn disappeared into the room. The girl looked back for a moment and Shelby gave a small nod. Quinn nodded back and walked forward and disappeared into the room.

….

When Shelby came out of the Gretchen's office and was surprised to have a tall young man talking to her children. Rachel was sitting closer in Santana's arms and Noah was a few yards away speaking with him casually. He looked like he was barely out of college. He was dressed only a little bit more put together than her son, who thought jeans and t-shirt was a dressed up outfit.

"Hi, Shelby Corcoran," she said as she extended her arm and didn't think twice about interrupting.

"Matthew King," the young man said. "I'm the therapeutic mentor for Noah. We spoke on the phone."

Shelby's anxiety in her chest shrunk away. "Nice to meet you. Sorry, my other daughter Quinn was beginning her appointment with Gretchen. So," she said as she smiled. "What are your plans?"

"I think we might head to the pond and play some hockey," he said looking at Noah. "That's what we were just talking about. Noah said he bought his skates. It's pretty cold outside. The pond is pretty frozen."

"Yes," Shelby nodded. "You brought your duffle in with you, right Noah?"

"I gave him some money for lunch," Shelby said. "Please not too much junk. I don't want junk food to be a regular thing with the two of you. I know social workers are infamous for bribing with McDonalds." She winked at Noah. "But I mean it. Maybe a wrap or something."

"Kay, ma," Noah said with a roll of his eyes. "See ya." He waved at Rachel who waved back slightly.

"Okay, text me when you're there please. Also, Matthew can you make sure that he wears his coat. He might say that he is hot on the ice, but I just know that he needs to at least wear the light one," Shelby said quickly.

"Mom, he's not an invalid," Santana said shifting Rachel on her lap. She gave a shrug and a roll of her eyes. "Just kidding. He is. keep going."

Rachel gave her a tiny jab with her eyebrow.

"Santana, enough," Shelby said.

"Bye, ma," Noah said trying to remain as 'cool' as possible.

Shelby watched as he disappeared into the elevator.

"What about playing hockey and eating McDonald's is therapeutic?" Santana asked as Rachel slid off of her lap and took her mother's hand.

"Santana, I'm sure you'll do fun things with your mentor," Shelby said.

"What? Why? I'm not getting a mentor," Santana said with a frown as she folded her arms in front of her.

"Maybe not now, but you might eventually," Shelby said.

"Noah, needs one because he's socially crippled and he needs a 'male role model.'" She put her ringers in the air using air quotes. "I don't need one. I'm socially stable." She felt Rachel looking up at her. "Not that having a mentor would be bad….I just don't want one."

Shelby looked quietly down at the girls. "Let's go downstairs please. We can take the stairs."

"Mom, I don't want you to drop me off and embarrass me," Santana said as they headed off to the stairs.

"Well, I will bring you to the room but I won't walk in with you, but if I hear one incident, Santana where you do not attend this group, I will sit in there."

Santana rolled her eyes but nodded.

"And do not roll your eyes at me, Santana," Shelby said. "I love you but your attitude needs an adjustment."

Santana nodded and gave Rachel a small smile as they went down the stairs. She looked down when she felt her mother take her free hand.

"I know that the first day will be hard but it's hard for all of you," Shelby said as they opened the door into the hallway. "Everyone's nervous for their first day.

"Mom, I know that.," she muttered. "And I know that I need to go… that doesn't mean I want to."

Shelby looked at her kindly. "I'm proud of you for doing this."

Santana gave a soft scoff. "Like I had a choice."

"You always have a choice, San," Shelby said. "You and I both know you're capable of kicking and screaming and not doing things if you don't want to."

Santana looked at the ground and shrugged. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to do this one bit. She looked over at Rachel and scrunched down on the balls of her feet. She gave her a weak smile. "You have a good time today, okay? You might make a new friend. At least yours isn't as long as mine," she said lightly. "Just remember that you are incredible and can do this. I'm so proud of you."

Shelby crouched down beside her daughters. She could see Santana regressing into that place that they had worked so hard to get away from.

"We are all proud of you, Rachel, just like we're proud of you, San." Shelby stood up and took Rachel's hand. "They're serving lunch Let's head in okay?"

Rachel frowned and watched her sister but leaned into her mother's side.

Santana gave a small nod and she stood up too. "I'll go in alone, Ma," she said quietly.

Shelby nodded and gave her a small wave as she watched other teens filter in. She spotted who she assumed was the facilitator of the group who gave her a smile.

"Are you leading this group?" Shelby asked.

The woman nodded. "Yes, I am. Lauren Bremer," she said as she extended her hand.

"Shelby Corcoran," she said. She nodded toward the door. "My daughter, Santana, is participating in this group."

Lauren nodded. "I'm excited to meet her."

"I was curious about how you structure the group," Shelby said as a few other teens went in.

"I'm sure that I can tell you a little bit more about it later," Lauren replied. "I'm sorry but I want to get a few things set up." She looked down at Rachel. "Can I help you with anything else before I head in?"

"She has a group on this floor, Pre-Adolescent Socialization and Support," Shelby said.

Lauren nodded and pointed down the hallway. "PASS is held down there." Rachel looked up at Lauren with a frown. Lauren gave her a reassuring smile. "I hear they do a lot of fun things in that group." Rachel gave a small shrug. "You better get going it's almost time for it to start."

Rachel looked up at her mother who was staring after the woman. Shelby felt like she was being watched and looked down at her daughter. "Ready?"

She remained quiet as she followed her mother down the hallway. Rachel's group was much shorter than Santana and Quinn's appointment. She was sure that dropping Rachel's off would be the hardest. As they approached the door that was supposed to have the room that Rachel was meeting in, she felt Rachel stop. She looked back and her daughter was looking up at her with a worried frown.

"Hey," Shelby said as she looked down at her. "You only have to be in there for forty five minutes. And like I told San, everyone else in there will be just as scared as you."

Rachel looked at the door. "Where…. Where will you be?"

"I can sit in there if you want me to," she said kindly.

"Actually, we don't encourage parents to sit in the room with the kids," a woman said quietly.

Shelby tried her best not to glare at the woman. She looked a few years older than Shelby herself.

"Hi, my name is Tonya," she said kindly. "I'll be leading your group today. What's your name?"

Rachel looked at her mother.

Shelby gave Rachel a reassuring nod. "This is Rachel," she said after a few moments of silence. "What kinds of things will you be doing today?"

"Well," Tonya said, subtly taking in the mother and the daughter team. "We will learn to know the people in this room. There are only a few of us. We will play a game and just learn to relax a little. It's a very loose structure."

Shelby had read the literature. She knew that this group was designed for kids similar to Rachel with a history of abuse and anxiety in social situations. Either way, she had not let her children out of her sight with anyone but her relatives or Gretchen since the incident.

"She'll be fine," Tonya said. "You ready, Rachel?"

Rachel looked at her mother and then back at the woman. She held more onto her mother. .

Shelby knelt down next to her. "I'll see you later, Rach," she said quietly.

"I don't want to," she said quietly to her mother.

"Come on. We're late," a new voice said frantically behind her. Shelby looked up and behind her and to her surprise she saw Carol Hummel walked briskly down the hallway with Kurt in tow.

For the first time Shelby saw her daughter gave a hopeful look.

"Hi, Kurt," she said quietly. She tilted her head. "What happened to your eye?"

Kurt brought his hand to his face as if he thought he could cover it up. He looked up at his mother. "It was an accident," he muttered. His whole demeanor was different than Rachel remembered. "Are you going to this class?"

Rachel nodded and extended her hand. "Me too."

He gave a small nod. "Good." He looked over at his mother. "See ya, Mom," he said quietly.

"Bye, honey," Carol said quietly.

To Shelby's surprise Rachel started toward the room. Almost as if realizing her mother was still standing there, she turned and gave her mother hug around her middle. "Bye, Mumma."

"See you soon," Tonya said as she followed the kids in.

Shelby watched as the door seemed to close heavily behind them. Shelby gave an awkward sigh and looked over at Carol. To say an awkward silence fell over them was an understatement.

"Hi," Shelby said quietly.

Carol shook her head. "We don't have to do this right now," she said briefly. "I have to go run a few errands before I pick Kurt up…. It was good to see you."

Shelby barely got a wave in before the woman disappeared down the hallway. She frowned as she remembered Kurt's appearance. Shelby and her family had been on their own island for so long that she almost forgot that other people were struggling on their own. She didn't care for Finn especially in how he treated her daughters, but that didn't mean that she hated him as a person. She frowned and looked down at her watch. She needed to grab some sandwiches for the girls before Rachel and Quinn got out.

….

Santana sat down heavily in one of the seats and glared around the room. There weren't a great deal of people here, but there were probably about ten kids in there. All of them looked as grumpy as she was. and most of all none of them wanted to admit that they needed to be there.

"Alright," Lauren said with a grin. "I know we are waiting for a couple more, but we should get started. I'm having lunch delivered and I want to go over a few things." She cracked a smile. "Don't get used to the lunch delivery. You will all be bringing in your own lunches from now on. This is just a first day treat."

"Sorry, we're late," a voice said behind them.

Santana rolled her eyes but kept her stare forward. She hoped that this went by fast and most of all she hoped that this went fast and didn't require a personal statement. She felt raw and exposed already. She wasn't ready to splatter her emotions on the wall.

"Take a seat," Lauren stated. "What's your name?"

Santana still didn't bother to turn. She didn't need this. She didn't need any of this. She didn't care who was in this room and she didn't plan to. She was doing this to get better. Everyone else didn't matter.

"Finn Hudson," said the person who entered the room.

Santana's head shot up and snapped back to stare at the boy.

"Nice to have you here," Lauren replied.

"He can't be in here," she practically shouted.

"And why is that?" Lauren asked.

Santana had a long list of reasons, but the only one that seemed to explode from her was. "Because he's a jerk. He was terrible to my sister and….." She looked around the room at the first time. Everyone was staring at her. She wasn't ready to tell strangers that this jackass had outed her. She wasn't ready to splatter her secrets around the room.

Lauren nodded. "This wasn't how I planned on starting this class but let's talk about this. Finn, Santana's pretty angry at you. What are your thoughts?"

The boy gave a nod. For such a tall guy, Santana saw him looking very small in that moment. "I'm sorry," he muttered.

Santana frowned. She had been ready for a fight or even a chair being thrown. Nothing.

""You're right," he spoke up again. "All I can say is I'm sorry."

Santana felt strangely exposed in that moment and the room wasn't even looking at her. She didn't know what to say to that. She gave a small scoff. She realized that she brought the attention on herself without intending too. Now she knew people wanted to know not only her problems but Finn's too. She looked over at Finn.

"Whatever," she said. "He can't get in my face though," she warned.

"No one will get in anyone faces," Lauren assured. "Do you want to say something to Finn, Santana?"

Santana looked at him. "No," she said not breaking her eye contact with him. "I'm good."

Lauren nodded.. "Okay. Let's get started and then we can really get down to business."

Santana rolled her eyes. She hated anger management already.

…..

Quinn looked down at her drawing. Gretchen had noticed that she needed something to do with her hands while she chatted so she offered her a sketch pad and drawing pencils.

"You've been through a lot of changes over the past few months."

Quinn shrugged. "Yeah." She sighed, remembering what she wanted to "Do you have things that you want to talk about?"

Actually, I do," Gretchen said. "I want to know more about you. And what you're thinking."

"There's too much…. we only have an hour right?" Quinn gave a slight shrug. She looked down at her hands. "It's just too much… there's been so much change."

"Can you tell me what your days used to be like?"

Quinn frowned. "I would go to practice and I would come home."

"What would happen when you got home?"

Quinn chewed her bottom lip and gave a slight shrug. "Ummm….. I would get something from the kitchen to eat and then sit at the breakfast table and do my homework."

"Did you do that every day?"

She gave a subtle nod. "I … I couldn't eat in my room and parents…. my other parents… They needed to know that I was doing my work…. It was just my routine."

"...When did they get home?"

"um… " Quinn shrugged. "They spent a lot of time at the club."

"Did you talk when they got home?"

Quinn shook her head. "No… but I poured my father his scotch and my mother her gin…. It was normal….. I know…. I know that everyone thought every night things were terrible… but they weren't. It was just… some nights were harder than others….." She paused for a moment. "Can I ask you something?"

Gretchen nodded.

"How do I move on? I love my family and my mom… but … I don't know how to just…. Sometimes I wish I had that silence…." She looked at her hands. "I hate that I want that, but sometimes I wished I had it….I don't have to worry before I go to sleep that he will wake me up but I still … I wish for that… I don't have silent anymore. I don't even sleep alone… I can't anymore."

"You don't sleep alone?"

Quinn gave a slight chuckle. "No…. I sleep better when I'm not alone… Is that weird?" She shrugged. "When I first went to my mom …. Shelby…. she… I couldn't sleep in my bed. I was scared …. He… had been so angry with me….." Quinn looked at her. "He wasn't terrible to me every day. He gave me gifts and told me I deserved good things…. My mother… Judy… she was the one who was say things to me…. Things that would hurt the most…" She shrugged. "I know I'm being a big baby but I like sleeping with them. It reminds me when I wake up that I'm not alone… Plus…. Santana and Rachel have been scared too sometimes. We all need each other right now…. You know?"

Gretchen nodded. "Have you been scared?"

" When what?"

"When you sleep alone still?"

Quinn shrugged. "I … It feels different. I don't like it. I can't sleep as well. It's nice when I have people there."

Gretchen nodded and wrote down a few notes. "Quinn, do you know what we're going to be working on?"

She shrugged. "Me?"

Gretchen nodded. "Do you have goals for yourself that you want to work on?"

Quinn shrugged. "I want to… I want to move on...I want to know what that means to put this behind you…. you know? Like everyone talks about…."

"You'll never forget, Quinn, but it won't be as fresh in your mind. It won't hurt as bad the more you move from that…."

"Do you really think that?" she asked. "Time heals all wounds and stuff."

"I think a lot of trauma, not all, but a lot, can be like a burn…. it hurts so much in that moment but then as time goes on it's a dull ache…. Then it's just a scar."

Quinn frowned. "I think sometimes it can feel like that… but… Santana and Rachel…. and even Noah.. their trauma is so new…. but it's not too. You know? ….. all the stuff that happened recently to Rachel and then…" Quinn shrugged. "Their burns are still fresh…. "

"I think maybe they might not have healed, Quinn. I think that's something I'll work on with them. And a lot of your wounds are fresh but a lot of them are old too. Can you think of anything that's old? That doesn't hurt as much?"

Quinn tilted her head to the side. "I … I don't know…. I just….. I …. It's hard to explain….I just…. I want you to know that everyday wasn't a nightmare as much as it was just….. the same never ending bad day." She shrugged. "It was just… It was my life…." She shook her head. "I … um…. I stayed at the group home for a little while. Did they tell you that?"

Gretchen gave a little nod. "Not much about it."

"I wasn't there for long….I think I was supposed to be there longer…. but then…. my mom came…. not … not…. Judy…. not the one who died.. but…. my mom now… She saw me and wanted to bring me home. I don't know why but she did." She shrugged. "But… It took a little bit before I could come to her house. My worker said that there was lots of paperwork and stuff….."

Gretchen nodded as the girl talked quietly. She saw her picking at her cuticles idly. "Tell me about the group home."

"There were lots of different girls there. There were a lot of girls from the city… all of them Columbus and Toledo and even Cincinatti."

"Did you make any friends?"

"No…." she whispered. "But I didn't try."

"Why not?"

"Because I was scared…." she frowned. "A few of them went to school at McKinley… but I never saw them.. most of them were in the special education wing …. but they still knew who I was…." Quinn gave a scoff. "I didn't know them. I don't even think I've tried to talk to any of them since then….I never see them..." Quinn looked down at her hands in embarrassment as she felt shame run through her veins. "That's not true actually. I saw one of them… um…. she was from …. Columbus….. Her name was...is...Ebony. I saw her on the day that everything came out at school." Quinn frowned as she remembered. "I didn't say anything to her. She didn't say anything to me." She chewed her lip. "I think I judged those girls too harshly because I didn't want to be one of them. I didn't want anyone to know what happened…. but I remember one of the few group sessions I sat in someone said that something that means more now that it did in that moment."

Gretchen nodded. "That happens to me a lot. What did she say?"

"She said no one wants to be in a group home. No one wants to remember why they're there….. but that we know…She talked about her mom and as much as she knew what her mom did…. and she knew how bad it was… she still ran back to her house every weekend." Quinn shook her head and met Gretchen's eyes. "Will it go away?"

"What?"

"That tiny part of me that wants to know if my father ever loved me?" she whispered. "Or if my mother ever cared…." She felt a tear drop onto her cheek. "I …. I love my family now. I love Shelby and I can't imagine where I would be without her but…. I …. sometimes…. I just…."

"Do you feel guilty?"

Quinn shook her head rapidly. "But then I get mad. I just….. How can you feel so much at once? That can't be right…. Santana describes it as feeling full. Like you have so much inside of your head… and in your heart that you feel like…. you're going to explode out of your finger tips. How do I make it stop?" She nodded with more focus as she wiped her tears. "I want to make that go away. Can you do that?"

"Quinn," Gretchen said gently. "We talk about a lot of things. We can work on different coping mechanisms to help figure out those feelings."

Quinn nodded tearfully. "Okay."

"Can you tell me a little about school? You mentioned about that you didn't want people to know. Are you different at school?"

She scoffed. "I think you know the answer to that," she said wiping her tears.

Gretchen took a few moments. "Do you think that one of the things that you want to work on is… your identity."

"What do you mean?"

"How do you see you, Quinn?"

The girl's eyes hardened. "I don't know," she said quickly.

"Can you try? Can you come up with things that you like to do that help to define part of you?"

"I don't know," she said again. She was getting so frustrated. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Quinn, how do you see yourself?"

"I don't understand!" she stood up. "I don't want to talk about my image! I don't …. like it…."

"Why?"

Quinn stared at her shocked. "Are you kidding? My mother drank and drugged herself into a telephone pole I killed my baby….. I ….. my ex-boyfriend called me a slut to the entire courtroom….. I …" She let out a quivering breath. "The town knows that I slept with my father….." She looked at her hand and traces her wrist where her cast used to be. "I thought that I was okay….I read a book once ...that talked about child abuse…. I found it at the library. It talked about how one day we would be a sad story. It said that sometimes you can pacify and silence it or put it on pause. But that you wake up and it is your life. You can run from it. I don't think I am. I was functioning. It didn't cripple me anymore…. but maybe… maybe I was just silencing it….and I don't want to have to do that anymore..."

"I think you're doing a fantastic job, Quinn, trying to be honest with yourself, but it's a process and it's an exhausting one."

She gave a slight nod. "Can I go?" she finally whispered.

"Think about the ideas of your image okay? What that means to you.. Let's talk about something else though."

"Is that how you see me?" she asked.

"No," Gretchen said. "But I know that's how you see you. We will work on those things, Quinn. I think that you're hardest on yourself. The parents you lived with for the most of your life were very tough on you. Not just through their actions but their words. And we will work on talking it through."

Quinn nodded tearfully. "I ….I don't know if I can."

"Well, that's why you're here," Gretchen gave a small smile. "And we can help figure this out together."

…..

Santana kept staring at Finn. The more she stared the more angry she became. What was he doing here? She felt this rage deep in her stomach that seemed to just radiate. He knew she was watching him because he kept looking nervously over his shoulder. She felt her anger repeatedly reach a boil and she had to force herself to calm down. However, every time she remembered what Finn did. She remembered that he testified that against Quinn. She didn't need to be in the courtroom to know what they were accusing Quinn of doing. She knew. She knew it all.

"I know we are just getting ready to know each other, but let's open the floor, Lauren stated. "Let's talk about triggers. We will explore this throughout the weeks that we're working together but do any of you know what your triggers are?"

Santana was still glaring at Finn. She had seen him throw plenty of tantrums on the football field, but that was about it. Her mind began to sift through her memory about why he was here.

"Santana, what about you?" Lauren asked.

"Start what?" she asked and the room was looking at her.

"What are your triggers? What makes you angry?"

"Ignorance," she said without hesitation. "Judgement."

"Can you elaborate a little more on that?"

"I hate it when people judge people without really getting to know them," she said. "I really hate it when they do that to people that I care about. I just lose it."

"Well, sometimes the people you care about aren't angels," Finn said. "I'm not saying that are at fault.. but the people we love aren't perfect."

"Don't mean you can attack them or accuse them of things!" Santana said.

Finn turned to face her. "You can't be angry with me."

"Fuck you," she spat.

"Santana," Lauren warned. "Talk this out but not with such foul language please. Clearly, the two of you need to clear the air. I think we can all learn from this."

Santana rolled her eyes and turned back to Finn. "You were wrong. You had no right to say what you said."

"You weren't even in that courtroom…You weren't even friends with Quinn when she and I were together. You don't know everything. You think you know, Santana. I just said the truth. They twisted it. Not me. She lied to me! It's on her….. but I am sorry about what I did to you."

"I don't care about what you did to me," she said hating that people were watching this interaction. "You were the one who told her to abort her baby. You were the one who pressured her!"

"Get off your high horse, Santana. You and your family have anger issues. We're here for a fucking reason. I said I'm sorry, but don't tell me that you're not at fault too. Your brother broke my jaw! and your precious new sister told me that I was the father of her baby and I wasn't!"

"Well you know who was, Finn," Santana said coldly. "You dated her for years and you didn't even ….. you didn't even know her…"

"You're right. You know what? Don't act all innocent. You got me kicked out of that game."

"Oh give me a break," Santana said rolling her eyes. " You got kicked out because you fumbled so much. Plus you didn't get pulled out. You're just not a good player Finn. Sam is better."

"Ugh," Finn said standing up. "He's not! I'm better! I'm a senior!"

She watched him as he looked at her angrily. She recalled exactly what she had said to him.

_"You're nothing. What you make Quinn feel is exactly who you pretend not to be. You act like a big man, because you can't help it, because you're the beanstalk. Sometimes I get distracted and think I see a small boy trying to climb you in search of a hen that lays golden eggs, but that's beside the point. Let me chop you down, gi-gantasaur. You're a loser. You'll always be a Lima Loser. Quinn is not only too good for you, but so is that rock over there. Deep down you know that too in the roots of your stalky being. You need to back off and settle in, because you're here to stay, homeboy. Maybe your stepfather will let you lick the floor of his shop. But that's only if you're lucky. So don't talk to Quinn anymore because you've already wasted not only her time and energy but you've also scarred her simply with your foul stare and jutting jaw, which make you look like you're passing gas. So hunch down, Quasimodo and look around you. This right now, you as a barely mediocre player, and that's being nice, this is the HIGHLIGHT of your life. Don't talk to Quinn. Ever. Maybe if you're lucky, she'll wipe her feet on you later." Santana plastered a smile on her face. "Bring it home, quarterback! Go Titans!"_

"Get over yourself, Finn," she stated. "You're not mad at me as much as you're angry about what I said because it's the truth. That's not my problem that you feel so mediocre. That's on you."

"Okay, we need to stop these personal attacks," Lauren said. "Let's take a break."

"No," he said. Finn narrowed his eyes as he breathed deeply. "You're not perfect either, Santana! And you know what don't make what I said a big deal. Everyone knew about you, Santana. It wasn't news."

"You outed me over the loudspeakers at school and you made flyers!" she screamed. She launched at him only to be held back by a pair of arms and she watched as Finn was held back by two other staff.

"That's enough!" Lauren said. "Finn and Santana calm down. I think we have found your triggers."

She suddenly felt very small when she realized that there were more people other than the two of them in the room.

"Let's talk about this," Lauren said after a few moments. "It seems to me that the both of you have a lot of things to work on. I think a lot of us spend time trying to suffocate feelings that we explode." Finn and Santana just looked at the ground too caught up in their own thoughts.

"Do you two have anything to say?" Lauren asked.

Santana felt her anger melt away. She replayed the words she had said in her head. She knew the words were hurtful but she wasn't ready to apologize. Not to him.

"I'm sorry I had an outburst. I don't want to be near him though. I'm not ready."

"Me neither," he replied. "I'm sorry for my flip out too."

Lauren looked at them. "I don't know the two of you, but we're talking about triggers today. I think we all can learn something from what happened. We could all feel it reach it's boiling point. We can't take that back but what can we do tame it and avoid it in the future?"

Santana seemed to tune the rest of the of the session. She knew why she was here. She knew what she needed to get out of this class but she didn't know if she could do it with Finn Hudson. She shifted her gaze and watched him for the rest of the morning. She found herself wondering why he was doing here and it hit her strangely hard when she realized whatever the reason that he was here, it must have been a big one.

Lauren announced a lunch break and Santana stood heavily and walked over to the platters of items that were set up in the back. She caught Finn's eyes and realized for the first time he felt just as stuck as she did. She didn't like the choices that she had made and she didn't believe he could be left off the hook. However, once part of her anger went from boiling to simmering she realized that Finn Hudson must have hit pretty low to come here. And in that moment she reminded herself that she was in the same position.

...

Shelby took a deep breath and smiled as Gretchen's door opened. "I think we're ready for you, Shelby."

Shelby nodded and entered the room with a smile. She looked at Quinn and gave her a grin.

"Hi, sweetheart," she smiled. "How did it go?"

She shrugged. "Fine. What are we going to talk about with you," Quinn asked.

"I wanted to talk about your relationship," Gretchen said as she took a seat back in her chair.

"With… with her?" Quinn asked as she looked at her mother with a frown. "I like her alot…"

Gretchen nodded slowly. "There's been a lot of changes since you moved in."

"You've said that a lot," Quinn stated simply.

"Quinn, don't be rude."

"I'm sorry," Quinn replied.

"Can you tell me some things you like about living with Shelby?"

"She's my mom," Quinn corrected. "And yes, I chose to call her that. She didn't force me to do anything. She's like…. she was like everything that I always dreamt for in a mom….. but better. She was real….. well is…."

"What makes her better than what you dreamt?"

Quinn thought for a moment and looked over at her mother. She felt her cheeks flush. "... It's stupid…" she mumbled.

"It's not," Shelby told her.

"My family wasn't touchy feely…. at all…. well… " she looked at her hands. "Not in the way that you wanted," she said letting her mouth go dry. She chewed her bottom lip. "But I…. I always…. no that's not true… I just… I …. I was scared a lot…. I still am." She gave shrug. "Have you ever not had something for a long time and then… you get it again and you realize how much you need it?"

Gretchen nodded. "Yes I've felt like that."

"She…. my mom… Shelby she … holds me…. She … she hugs me and … I feel safe…. " Quinn visibly swallowed and looked at her hands because if she looked at her mother she would cry. "My…. my father… Russell… sometimes he held me…. and …. it .. it felt good… but…. Shelby … my mom…. my mom feels like home…" She chewed her lip. "I'm not being very articulate"

"You're doing incredibly," Shelby said with a kiss on her forehead.

"She makes me feel normal… I wouldn't let people touch me before and she made it not awkward, Quinn chewed her lip again. "I … I thought I would never have that…. and I thought if I did I would mess it up. One of the girls in my group home said that her foster mother was really affectionate toward her and she took it the wrong way and ended up in the group home…. I …. I thought that would be me because I threw slushies at people I hated. just so they didn't see how scared I was." She risked a look at her mother. "We don't anymore….Slushies are bad. I know. I'm happy here."

Shelby smiled. "I am so happy that you are with us."

"Quinn, what is something that you don't like about living with Shelby?"

"Why would you ask that?" Quinn asked.

"Because I'm sure there's something…. many things probably," Shelby laughed.

"Are there many things that you don't like about me?" Quinn asked suddenly.

"What?" Shelby asked. "I love every aspect of you, Quinn. Why would you ask that?"

Quinn shook her head frantically. I don't know."

"Quinn, are there parts of you scared to share with Shelby?"

"Of course there are," she whispered. There were too many too name.

"Quinn, there is nothing about you that would make me love you less. Nothing," Shelby said.

"That doesn't matter," she whispered.

"Why not?" Shelby asked.

"Because what you feel… and what I feel… are different," she muttered. "You set the bar so low… and I know that the person you care about isn't the same person… but I … I'm trying to be that person…. You know all those things about me… the bad things… but you still…. you still love me… and …." Her voice cracked. "I am so gr...grateful. I just… I love you so much and I … i don't want to be another person that I hurt."

"Quinn, you will make mistakes. I want you too. I see you trying so hard to be so perfect. I see you and I am so proud but I need you to know that you can't disappoint me, Quinn."

"It's hard to hear that, Quinn, isn't it?" Gretchen asked.

Quinn nodded tearfully.

"Do you spend time together?" Gretchen asked.

"Of course," Quinn said wiping her tears. "I'm like allllways with her…" Quinn trailed off."

"What is it?"

"... I like time with her but… we don't have a lot of alone time…."

"Do you want alone time?" Gretchen asked.

"That's all I had for sixteen years….. "Quinn mumbled.

"Well, Quinn has been grounded frequently," Shelby stated.

"I … I sawed off my cast," Quinn muttered suddenly finding the ceiling interesting as her gae tilted upward.

"Oh," Gretchen stated.

"It itched. And no, I didn't want to hurt myself. It just.. it itched…." The blonde girl looked at her mother who was looking at her with an arch of her brow. Quinn went on. "I was feeling overwhelmed… and … I just… I needed to do something… that what something that I could do." She took a deep breath. "Can I ask something?"

"Absolutely," Gretchen stated.

"Santana…. has had PTSD…. and Rachel has that and anxiety and stuff…. What… what do I have?"

"Do you think you have something?" Gretchen asked.

"I-sawed-off-my-cast," she said pulsing at each word. "There's something wrong with me. So… so tell me."

"I think that you've been through a lot of trauma, Quinn," Gretchen began. "A lot of trauma that for some people might paralyze them. You function well in school. Minus the slushies. You not only participated in sports but you lead a team. You're doing phenomenally. Do I think that you have a diagnosis? I don't know. Is it something that we will explore. Yes. We can have you meet with a special person on our team that specifically does tests to diagnose."

" I just want to know what's wrong with me," she muttered. "There has to be something."

"I think that there is a lot going on in your head, Quinn. That's why we're going to talk regularly. We're going to work through it with your mom."

"Why is it happening now?" Quinn asked. "I could numb it before… Nothing bothered me before. I was able to regroup in no time and now I can't. I just. … can't." She looked at Shelby. "I …. There's something wrong with me."

Shelby looked at her. "There's nothing wrong with you, Quinn. Like Gretchen said, a lot has happened and your brain and your feelings are catching up and sorting themselves out. You said that nothing bothered you before. I think it always has bothered you you're just learning to let it bother you. you're allowing yourself to feel it. We will figure it out together and with Gretchen."

"Sometimes, I try to escape… and I still can. I … I just.. think about other stuff and I'm not in that moment. Is that bad?"

"NO," Gretchen said. "I think that you've learned to protect yourself. It's actually called dissociation and it's a way that PTSD can be … expressed. It's hard to describe, but it's something that we can talk about. I want to learn more about you and how much you do it and when… and why. We will get to know each other, Quinn," Gretchen said gently. "And we will figure out ways to make your relationship with your mother even better so that you feel better about being you around her, without disappointing her."

Quinn nodded. "We have a lot of work to do."

Gretchen smirked. "We really do." She looked at her watch. "You and Rachel have a nutrition class in a few minutes."

Quinn nodded. "Apparently we're cooking our lunches… We'll see how that goes."

Shelby smiled. "It'll be fun."

"Not everything is fun," Quinn smirked back.

….

Noah laced his skates up and looked at the pond. He smiled as he slid onto the fresh ice.

"When was the last time you skated?" Matthew called out as he warmed up too.

Noah shrugged. "Maybe last winter, but mainly with my sisters. I don't really play hockey anymore. I don't really like the team at my school and it's just not my thing anymore."

Matthew nodded. "Want to take a few laps around? Warm up?"

Noah nodded. "Sure thing." After a few seconds of silence, Noah looked over at Matthew with a frown. "What are we supposed to do?"

"We're just going to hang out in this first session and get to know each other," Matthew said. "We might establish goals, but for the most part it's getting to know each other. What do you want to know about me?"

"Are we going to hang out like this every week? Go skating and stuff?"

Matthew nodded. "We'll hang out. It'll be very informal. Tell me how you got the nickname, Puck."

Noah shrugged. "I played hockey when I was little. There's not much to tell."

"So is this what you like doing for fun?"

"Skating?" Noah asked as he circled around. "I guess."

"Do you like to hang out with your sisters?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

Noah remained quiet as they went around more. "Are you really close with them?"

"San is about two years younger than me… She has the months counted out but we're a lot closer in age. She's kinda like my best friend… but I'm really protective of her. but you can't tell her I said that."

"Yeah? Why not?"

"She's just.. she's like…. she's like a turtle," Noah said as he leaned down and they sped around the corner.

"A turtle?" Matthew asked.

"She has a really tough shell…. but she moves fast… so she's like a fast turtle," Noah said.

Matthew chuckled. "What do you see you as? An animal I mean."

Noah shrugged. "I don't know."

"Maybe a lion? No.. my sister, Quinn, is a lion. you should see her hair in the morning. It's crazy." He smiled and gave a shrug. "I just. …. I don't know."

"What about you, Noah?"

"I don't know… I'm just me," he shrugged again. "Can we play hockey? One on one? It'll be a work out. Do you think you can keep up? There's no one here so we can take over the whole pond."

Matthew chuckled. "You're going to give me one hell of a run for it, aren't you?"

"I promise I won't check you."

Matthew looked over at him with a heavy sigh. "Alright."

They only skated for about twenty minutes. Noah wasn't the kind of player to ever go easy on anyone unless they were Rachel. Noah shot his hands up in the air in victory at the six goal he scored. It was getting too easy. He smiled but faded when he saw that Matthew was heaving in the middle of the ice.

"Dude, are you okay?"

"I'm in better shape than this," Matthew said holding up an arm weakly. "Or at least I thought I was."

"I can go easier on you," Noah chuckled.

Matthew shook his head. "I think maybe I could use something to eat."

Noah grinned. "I could always eat."

About twenty minutes later, they were sitting at a local burger joint. Noah said that it was better to do that joint than McDonalds, plus this was better. The table was silent again and Noah slowly looked up and saw that Matthew was staring at him. He had been able order what he wanted and Noah had made sure that the ten dollars stretched as far. He was able to get two burgers, fries, onion rings, and chicken fingers.

"What?" Noah asked as he threw a fry into his mouth.

"You certainly have a appetite," Matthew laughed.

"Always did," he smiled. "I like that we did today. Will we do this every week? Just eat food and get you into shape?"

Matthew nodded. "Or we can try other stuff. We're going to get to know each other but we're going to relax."

"And then I start talking to you about hard stuff?" Noah said bluntly. "Just asked me what you want to know."

"You seemed pretty laid back. Normally people push me away," Matthew said. "How did you know you could trust me?"

"I don't," Noah said. "But … you don't scare me. I liked just hanging out. …. if my sisters came, Rach would be worried about falling. San and Quinn would be…. I don't know depends what mood they're in…. I don't know. I just do."

"Do you feel like you can't get relax around your sisters?"

"I can," Noah said as he took another bite of his first burger. "It's just different when I play sports."

"How does it make you feel?"

"That's too typical of a line," Noah said as he smirked.

"Seriously though, does it help you? Playing sports?"

Noah nodded. "I had to go to this program…. it was in the middle of nowhere and all we did was just talk about our feelings…. but there was this guy who ran the program and we had to play different sports …. but he wasn't like any other coach. Most of the guys there. We were really pissed off. All of us. Most of us didn't even want to play… but we were able to just… I don't know learn to be angry on the field…. So I learned to let it just … just happen on the field." He shrugged. "It's the one thing I'm good at…It's the one thing that I don't have to worry about."

"I read about your game a few weeks ago. 302 yards rushing 104 yards receiving a kickoff return for a touchdown and a punt return for a touchdown."

"You follow football?"

"We're in Ohio, Noah, who doesn't follow one of the best football teams in the state," he smiled. "Noah, you're very good at what you do. Have you thought about college?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I applied and stuff. I'm waiting to hear back."

"Where did you apply?"

"Here in Ohio…. Florida… and then…. just places…." He paused. "I talked with my mom. and…. she and I are okay with me going away. I just… It's like I keep changing my mind, you know?"

"It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to be scared about it. There are a lot of changes," Matthew said. "It's different for every kid, but it's a huge change and so many people are scared. I guarantee that every kido the campus is scared of all of the changes."

"But it's different for me….. I'm not like every kid,"he said. "I'm not scared of the stuff that everyone else is scared of."

"What are you scared of?"

He stared down at his food. "I'm scared about if Santana will get made fun of at school….She's tough but she's not as tough as people think she is or if Rachel will make friends when she eventually goes back. She doesn't have very many…. I wish…. I wish people wanted to be her friend. I'm scared that Quinn will think that's she's not worth it all. He shrugged. "I don't know."

"I think that you do," Matthew said. They're going to be okay."

"My mom said that. She said something about a new adventure." He shrugged. "I just…. What if something bad happens while I'm gone?"

"Then you can come back," he smiled. "They'll always be here."

"You can't say that," Noah muttered. "I….. I know that your life can change in a second. …. Things can change and bad things can happen….. and there's nothing you can do to stop them. I just… I can't imagine missing those things. I want to be here when the bad things happen…. but at the same time I don't."

"You think that things will happen?" Matthew asked.

"They always do," Noah said casually as he took another bite of his burger. He watched Matthew watch him carefully. "Don't look at me like that. It's just true."

Matthew looked at him for a long while. "You can't live your life waiting for the next bad thing to happen?"

"Why not?" Noahed asked.

"Because it's like driving as you're riding the brake," Matthew said.

"Well at least you can stop when you want to," Noah said.

"Noah, I think that's a pretty anxious way to live your life," Matthew said. "We can work on it. I think we should try to work on it."

"Okay," he gave a nod.

….

….

Shelby smiled as she watched Carole and Kurt disappear down the hallway. They had another awkward exchange where Rachel and Kurt did most of the talking. Shelby felt grateful that Rachel was talking and interacting for her own free will. It was as if those things that held her back before didn't matter and in so many ways they didn't.

"Did you have fun?" Shelby asked as she led Rachel down the hallway.

Rachel nodded. "I did. We played games and talked about things that scared us when we meet new people and we practiced things like getting to know people."

They walked down the hallway toward the elevator.

"Can we see Santana?" Rachel asked.

"I think she might still be in session," Shelby said.

"No, I'm here. We're on break, Mom. I'm not skipping." They turned to see Santana standing outside of the restroom. "Was that Kurt Hummel?" Shelby nodded. "Douchey McDouchpants is in my anger management class," Santana replied casually. She saw her mother begin to open her mouth. "Whatever… Finn. He's fine… He's just… I don't know. He's different but I want to kill him."

"You didn't did you?" Rachel asked looking up at him.

Santana scoffed. "No, bug."

"He's just angry," Rachel said.

"I would hope," Santana said. "We are in anger management."

"He's just angry because of his dad and the war," Rachel said leaning against Santana's side casually. "Kurt told me. He said his parents won't let Kurt be alone with him and that before his dad and Finn's mom got married, Finn's dad came back from war and was angry and got mad at Finn and that's why he's angry…."

Santana remembered listening to that when Kurt had come over. "Doesn't excuse his behavior."

Rachel shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"You sure you're okay?" Shelby asked. "I'm nervous about you being in there with him, San."

"Mom, there are tons of people in there." She waved her mother off. "Let me take care of it okay? I don't need you rescuing me."

Shelby paused. "Fine, but if you're uncomfortable in any way, please let me know."

"I will," Santana said. "I'm going to go back in before all the dessert is taken."

"Good bye," Shelby smiled.

"Bye," Rachel waved.

….

Santana made her way back into the room. She spotted Finn by the dessert table and felt this strange feeling in her chest. She couldn't tell if she wanted to kick him in the groin or just throw a chair at him. It was a toss up. She made her way over to the table, noticing the facilitators tense up as they watched them. She had to make this casual, but she had to say this. She hated that it wasn't easy to just hate someone. Finn was no longer that dull stereotype…. she paused, smirking to himself. Maybe he still was, but still seeing Kurt and his black eye made her pause. She remembered those moments when she scared Rachel. She knew that Finn didn't feel the same way about Kurt as Santana did about Rachel but if it were just a fraction of what Santana felt, she knew that Finn must feel horrible. If he were human, of course, she reminded herself, and that was up for debate.

Santana looked at the ground and then back at the table as she poured herself a glass of water and then reached for a cookie. .

"Why are you here?" she said quietly.

"Why are you?" he asked.

"I saw your brother in hallway," Santana said pointedly as she turned to her. "Why are you here?"

He stood up and looked at her. He knew what he was asking without her having to say every word. He chewed his bottom lip as he shifted his weight. "It was an accident," He stated as he visibly gulped. "I threw something because I was mad. Hit him in the face….." He shrugged. "It was an accident."

Santana watched him. She had never thought she would see him give a sincere apology. "I thought you couldn't be alone with him," she said not meaning to sound mean, but that's how it came out.

"I can't be around him….I wasn't supposed to be, but I was that day. I came home for the trial and it was just a lot you know….It's just a lot…..I ….. I thought that I was an angry person…. I knew that. I just…." He gave a small chuckle. "I couldn't stand him for the longest time. I can't stand him almost every day. … My dad was a jerk and I … I didn't see how angry he was until I … I threw my keys at him, Santana. He has a scratch above his eye and on his cheek bone. I missed his eye by inches… or less than that…. the smaller ones… the the Europeans use."

"Millimeters?" Santana offered .

"Yeah," he replied. "I just… I never …. My mom married Kurt's dad and it was the best thing that could have happened to my mom… but I didn't let myself see it. I just….. I could blinded my brother… and you want to know something worse?" Santana looked at him, shocked by his honesty. "I scared him. I always scare him. My parents won't leave me alone with him…. and they didn't even mean to that time. He … he was trying to be nice to me and I lost it. I ...I lost it. He won't look at me. My mom won't look at me. And now we have to see some chick every week from social services...because Kurt's school saw him with a bruise and they're questioning if my parents can take care of us….. I messed up. I have messed up a lot. I'm sorry for what I did to you. I really am."

Santana rolled her eyes trying to make light of it. "It wasn't like I wasn't mean to you back." She shook her head. "I'm glad you're becoming in touch with your human side again," she said. "'But what you said at the trial has ruined everything. Do you have any idea what you did… what you could do?"

"I'm not a bad person," he muttered. "I just…. I don't …. I was mad at Quinn and…. you… but I …. I didn't believe … I didn't think any of it was real. I thought you were playing the victim but…. I stayed some… after I testified…..I sat in the courtroom." He gulped. "That's why I was so angry that day…. I didn't know, Santana. I didn't know he was going to kill her."

"What….." Santana whispered.

"That's what they said…." Finn said still staring at the dessert. "And it was like …. it was like it hit me in that moment what Quinn must of gone through….what Rachel went through…. and ….. I just...I … You don't think it's real in that moment. You don't want to see the monster inside of you...inside of others. The monsters everywhere. They're there, ya know…." He visibly swallowed. "When I saw the evidence….. The tub and…. the rope and saw…. I think I lost it at the saw…."

Santana could feel her body shaking. "What?"

Finn just continued on obliviously. "I messed up with my brother and I… because I went home after that and I knew that I had said in that courtroom could … make things worse. I took it out on him…"

"You're lying," she shouted. "Shut up. That's not true! Why are you saying this?"

"Santana, what's going on?" Lauren asked approaching the table.

"It's true," Finn said still caught in his own head. "I think…. he could have killed them both. He's that screwed up. You can never tell how screwed up people are you know?"

"Stop! Stop!" Santana shouted.

She was shaking. What was happening? She came over to kind of not really apologize and he was telling her that that bastard not only did what he did to her sisters but was planning to kill them? She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think.

"It's just crazy, you know?" Finn said. He finally looked up. "Santana, you okay?"

**I'm sorry that this took so long. Please let me know what you think. **


	67. Chapter 67

Guest – My beta and I promise to try and get the next update out faster, please accept our apologies.

PashaVrais – All I can say is I'm sorry for the delay and I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for reviewing.

Ari28 – Sorry for the delay in updating – I hope you like this chapter – Thank you for reviewing. And Thank you for being #2000.

bizzylizzy14 – well thank you for reviewing and I am glad you have been following this story.

Anonymous5678 – Thank you so much for reviewing. I love hearing from my readers and I am so glad you like it. Quinn is my beta's favorite too. The sleeping alone issue is addressed some this chapter and you are right it won't be fixed overnight. Especially, since it has been such a help for all of the girls. Gretchen and her team plan to help them a lot. Santana does forget about herself all the time but that is identified and now will change. Shelby and Noah are amazing. Sorry for the delay in updating. Thanks again for the review.

Isabel – I am glad you like it. Impressed that you read it in a couple of days. Sorry for the delay in updating. Thank you for the review.

Little red – Thank you for the review.

KC1991- Thank you for your kind words. It takes a lot to get the chapter out because I try my hardest to have the story flow. I am so glad you like this. Thanks for the review.

Brittanyismyunicorn – Yup Finn was oblivious. Sometimes he just doesn't think before speaking. Santana does not handle the news well. But luckily Santana is in an environment that can help her through this. Thank you for reviewing.

zuperkt - Wow – I have to say my beta and I loved your review. You summed it up so eloquently. Thank you. Its reviewers and readers such as yourself that keeps us going. Some of the chapters are so much harder to write than others but knowing that there are people wanting and waiting keeps us going.

Arra – The Corcorans I assure will have good days. They are coming. As the girls learn to adjust better, they will have better times. Thanks for the review.

Lolathe17th – Poor Santana is right but she will be in group therapy – it may not continue with Finn though because there are so many other issues with him anyway. I am so sorry it took so long for me to update. This chapter has been challenging. Thanks for sticking by me and thanks for the review.

1moredreamer – Thank you so much for the review and I am so glad you enjoyed this chapter. As you can see Finn was just dopey and said what he thought Santana already knew so he was trying to start anything but learning what Schue was going to do to her sister – Santana couldn't take it but at least it was an honest reaction. Quinn has been holding a lot in even though she is growing but she has gone from having the worlds worst mothers to seriously one of the best so even though she is in a better place, she has to adjust. Rachel has learned her whole life how to please other people and I think Gretchen and her team recognize this and will work with her and all the girls to explore their own emotions about themselves and not just other people.

lemon-rind – Finn very oblivious and I think his character is somewhat true to canon because in the show Finn has always been a clueless character. You see Santana's reaction in this chapter. Thanks for the review.

Kimberlli – Yes there is no filter on Finn but he didn't know that Santana had no idea what was happening at the trial. Kurt is back and yes it does help Rachel but Rachel needs to help Rachel. Thank you for your continued support. Thanks for the review.

Fangirl44 – Thanks for the review – sorry for the delay.

JusCurious – Who's Sophie? That was a reference to a movie called Sophie's Choice with Meryl Streep. I don't want to ruin anything but Sophie, played by Meryl had to choose between saving one of her children over another.

holdmetonight - my sincere apologies. It is always my intention as well as my betas intention to get the next chapter out as soon as possible and lately it has failed miserably. Thank you for supporting me.

HannahWilliam33 – I am glad you like their growth. Thanks for the review.

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for the cookies – Finn is clueless and it was not a good time to tell Santana this so its time to deal with it now that it is out. At least she was in the right environment to handle it. Thanks for your review.

gleefanficfan – I apologize only because these are very hard things to go through for people. But I do own it and I just apologize to warn people. Thank you so much for your review.

TommyH – I promise Puck and Rachel will always remain close. All of them will but there will be up and downs as they grow but this family is stronger than anyone I know. Thanks as always for the review.

IloveDiannaAgron – I am glad you do. If you ever have any questions, please feel free to DM me and I will try to help you anyway I can. Thanks for the review.

Guest - If or when Noah goes away it will be to college and to help all grow. But Noah will always be close to his family. Santana and Finn being in the same group will be addressed this chapter. Thank you so much for the review.

Guest – Thank you so much and thanks for the review.

Drunalove – No marrying of the story is allowed. Thank you for the review.

Stepheyy – I am glad you liked it. It is very heavy and as they get healing it may get lighter. Although there is some things that the girls have to let out to be able to deal with them properly. Thanks for the review.

mattblue – sorry about the lack of updates. Its not from not trying its just that some chapters are much harder to write than others. Thanks for the review.

**Thank you all of your responses! **

Santana felt her heart beating rapidly in her chest. She felt her body shaking and could practically feel her anger oozing from her pores. She couldn't breathe and she couldn't think. She wished that it was easy to calm down, but she never had that luxury. Her emotions were never easy. She either felt too much at once or she didn't feel at all. And when they bubbled to surface she had no idea how to return them to their normal simmer. She could only think of one thing that could calm her down, one person.

"_When I saw the evidence….. The tub and…. the rope and saw…. I think I lost it at the saw…." _Finn's words kept echoing in her head. She could barely concentrate on being angry. Tub? Santana hated that she watched so much crime television that she knew what that meant. She knew that the bodies were hard to find with tubs. Dogs couldn't smell the bodies…. They couldn't smell the bodies decaying.

"Santana," she heard her name being called.

She jolted her head up and the voices seemed to emerge through the fog of her thoughts.

"I need to see my sister," she said under her breath as she attempted to reign in the chaos in her head. Her voice was barely above a whisper when it left her lips. She could feel herself shaking as if she was cold but she knew that it wasn't the temperature. All she could think of was the physicality of it all. All she could think of was Rachel sawed into tiny pieces and being put in the ground. She felt herself dry heave at the thought.

"Santana," Lauren said, breaking through her mental barrier.

"I. need. Rachel," she said through clenched teeth. She could feel the anger surging again. She took a heavy breath and looked around. She was in the hallway. They must have ushered her there. She hadn't realized that she had been so removed from her reality.

"Santana, what happened? Talk to me. Finn is -" Lauren began.

"This isn't about him," she said anxiously. "I need to see my sister! I need to talk to her! I need to see her."

Her voice was practically screaming. She didn't care who was staring at her. She just wanted to see Rachel. She had to see her. She frowned and headed down the hallway. Her heart was beating so fast and she felt a dizziness in her head. She pulled at the front of her shirt because it felt sticky against her skin as she attempted to will herself to focus. She couldn't be that girl that pulled the television of the wall. They already knew that girl on paper. She couldn't grasp control any of what she was feeling though because she could only think about the fact that she was feeling dizzy with all of her feelings and anxious thoughts and that her heart felt like it was going to explode. If she closed her eyes for too long, she thought singularly about blood splatter. She thought about how much blood would splatter if an arm was cut off. She winced. Why was she thinking about that? Why was that coming to mind?

"Santana," Lauren said suddenly standing in front of her. The woman didn't know how to take a hint.

"Move," Santana said as she bumped her shoulder against the woman's as she posed past her.

"Santana, you need to calm down," Lauren said as stepped in front of her again.

"No," she hissed and pushing Lauren more purposefully. "Get out of my face."

Santana didn't care that Lauren lost her balance. She didn't care at all and found herself wishing that she had pushed her hard know that she Lauren fell. All she cared about was getting out of there. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She couldn't do any of it. Lauren was standing close to her and smelt a hint of cigarette smoke on her. Santana was quickly enveloped with a suppressed memory. It hit her like a gust of wind that blew past her; it was too fast to hold on to but cold to ignore.

She remembered that the room Hiram brought her and Rachel to and how it always smelled like smoke and cigars. She remembered that the first time she slept in a place that didn't smell like it she couldn't figure out what was missing in the room. She blinked her eyes several times and ran her hands over her face, pausing when she felt tears streaking over her hands. She was crying… When did she start crying?

She felt someone near her and her arms flew out to push them away out of instinct. She felt her arms were grabbed she kicked with all her might causing the person holding her to release her. She felt another pair of arms wrap around her middle and despite fighting them, she felt a small comfort in the restriction and she felt some tension release from her body.

"Santana?"

She blinked and looked up at the voice. And it was Gretchen. A tiny part of her felt relieved. She would help her.

"What?" she said feeling her breath hitch in her throat. She chewed her lip. She wasn't going to ask her directly though.

"Why did you leave group?" Gretchen asked.

"I just…. I need to talk to my sister…" she said relaxing in the hold, barely noticing that there were people still holding her body.

"Do you feel ready to come and talk to me before we go see your family?"

"I really want to see her first," she said quietly. "I want to see Rachel."

"I understand that but you and I need to talk first about you. I don't want to do it here because I think you want to my two colleagues to let you go first so that you and I can have some privacy."

Santana frowned and looked around. "Oh…." She hadn't even really been aware of it. She just knew she felt more relaxed than she did moments before. She looked back up at Gretchen and saw her nod with a new understanding.

"Did you know that you were being held?"

Santana gave a shrug, unwilling to show that she was so out of touch. "My mom does this a lot… she holds me… And… it calms me…. It makes my mind quiet."

"Are you feeling okay to have them let go?"

Santana just nodded numbly. The people hold her let go and Santana could only stare at the pair of workers as they walked away. She remembered how hot she felt before when her anger was radiating from her and now all she felt was cold.

"Santana?" Gretchen said leaning down so she could meet her gaze.

"What?" she asked with a unsteadiness in her voice.

"Do you want to stay here a little while longer?"

"I want to see Rachel," she said looking down at the ground and folding her arms tightly around her middle.

"I know you do, Santana, but she's in a session-"

"I don't care," she spat, feeling her heart race and her body get warm again. "I want to see her! I just need to see if she's okay! She doesn't have to see me! I just need to see her!"

Santana felt a strange surge of emotions within her. It was that as she exploded like a firework and now she was just the raining pieces of fire falling from grace.

Gretchen nodded. "We're going to talk for a bit first and then -"

"NO!" Sanana said raising her voice. Firework tears or not she wasn't going to back down from this. "I want to see her first and then I'll talk."

"Santana, you and I know that she's safe. We are going to talk and then we can see her," Gretchen said matter of factly.

Santana just stared at her. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to argue her point more clearly. "I just need to see her," she whispered tearfully.

"You will, Santana," she said gently. "But we need to process. We need to debrief. You pushed Lauren twice. We need to talk about this."

"Why?' she asked, shakily. She shook her head, not waiting for an answer. "I don't want to talk about this. I don't need to. I'll tell her that I'm sorry but…. I don't need to… talk…. not now."

"Santana, remember what we talked about?"

"When?" she asked with an exasperated sigh.

"We need to work together so you're not just being held together by tape and glue."

Santana felt an unusual betrayal in her chest. The words still rang true. She had meant what she said, but she wasn't to be called out on it. She knew that the woman was right. She knew that she had to take that step.

"This work is hard, Santana. Working on you, I mean. Let's go talk," she said gently.

She let out a sob, forgetting for the second time that she was crying. "You don't get it," she said frustrated.

"Santana, that's what I'm trying to do," Gretchen said softly.

"Why won't you give this to me?" she said. She didn't have the energy to get angry anymore. She was only able to feel heartbroken. "I won't say anything. Please. Just let me go see her. You don't understand."

"Santana, no," Gretchen said. "But the sooner that you and I talk the sooner you can talk to Rachel.

"Can I see my mom?" Santana asked knowing that her sister was nearby. She rethought as soon as she said it. She wasn't sure if she wanted to see her, because she didn't know what she would say, but she had an innate need for her in her heart.

"Santana," Gretchen said. "Your mom and you can talk later. The three of us will certainly talk and you can talk even more to her later when you go home. She's there and your family is there. Right now we need to work together. I know that's scary."

"I'm not scared to talk to you!" she said trying to wipe her tears.

"I think you are," she said gently. "I will take you to Rachel and I will take you to your mother after we talk."

"Why not now?" she asked with frustration.

"Because it's not about them now, Santana. It's about you."

Santana clenched her fists at her side. "Don't you get it? You're supposed to help me! Rachel is what I need! She calms me down! I just need to see her and you're not letting me. I want to talk to my mom and you're not letting me. Do your job!" She shook her head not waiting for Gretchen to respond. "I need Rachel… We love and support each other… We're like…. We are pieces of each other."

Gretchen looked at her softy. "You can lean on each other and you can even rely on each other, but right now I feel as if she allows you to silence your feelings instead of allowing you to actually feel them."

Santana stared back at her. She didn't want to let the truth of her words absorb. She didn't want to accept them as truth. but they were.

"She …..We….no one understands it like we do," Santana said sinking away from Gretchen. She didn't want to talk. She didn't want to process she wanted to see her sister.

Gretchen nodded. "But she also needs you to be real with her….. and not just have her be that person that you hug, but then never rely on."

"I want to hit you now. Why can't I see them? Its not fair."

"'You're angry, Santana, and we need to focus on why and talk through this. This is part of the process."

"Fuck the process," she spat.

"Santana, we can talk here or we can talk in my office," Gretchen said. "Your choice."

Santana shook her head and looked around. She could see that there were staff still looking on. She suddenly felt exposed again. She bowed her head and folded her arms.

"How long will this take?"

"However long it needs to take," she replied.

Santana shook her head as she followed Gretchen idly down the hallway. She didn't want to. She couldn't do this. Her voice to echo her restrictions in her head. She just couldn't follow her and talk. She would be too distracted.

Gretchen leaned against the her desk and watched Santana pace carefully. Santana was one of the most impulsive girls she had worked with and she knew that she couldn't push her too much in one direction or another, but she also knew that the girl needed to calm down. She had so much unexpressed rage that her trauma history had demonstrated she could hurt others and herself.

"Santana, the first session is always hard," Gretchen began.

"I know that," Santana said with her arms around her chest as she began to pace in tighter circles. "You don't need to tell me that. Do you have any idea how many first sessions I've had?"

"You didn't let me finish," Gretchen said evenly. "The first session is always hard but it's not supposed to be that hard."

"What are you talking about?" she said shaking her head wildly.

"Santana, tell me what Finn said to you."

"I don't want to talk about that," Santana said. "I have to go."

Santana began to rethink all that had been said and all that she thought and paused. She couldn't let Rachel see her like this. She felt like the firework trails in the sky….. but then her brow knit as she thought about it more. Her body began to shake again as she processed it more in her head.

"She wasn't going to tell me," she said out loud. "No one ever tells me!"

"Why do you think that is?" Gretchen asked.

"They don't trust me," Santana said. "But don't they see that that's what makes me angrier!" She shook her head trying to regain control. "You're not listening. I. need. Rachel."

She wanted to scream and realized her hand hurt slightly. She looked down and had knocked over things on the table. All she could think about was wanting to see her sister. She just needed to get out. She had to go. She felt her hands grip something in front of her and lifted it. She could feel weight straining her muscles, but she didn't care. She needed that release.

She heard herself panting as if she were in a dome.

"Santana?"

She lifted her gaze and looked over at Gretchen her chest rising and falling with exertion. She couldn't detect any remorse beneath her anger for the destruction she caused. She was in a place where her anger didn't scare as much as it should. She just wanted to not feel it anymore. They weren't going to let her see Rachel. She had too much of a darkness in her heart that it would inevitably shatter the people around her and by extension herself. And now all she was left with as her anger exploding from her fractured heart.

"Santana," Gretchen said again. "You're angry and you have every right to be angry. Furious even, pushing other people. I can see you struggling and you get so deep in your head. I need you to stay in this moment with me."

"Why?" Santana asked. "If I can't see Rachel, then why bother. Why bother being here? Just lock me away….. just make it all go away."

Gretchen could see the girl unraveling in front of her.

"Do you really want that?"

"No!" she shouted. "I just want it all to go away! Can't you understand that?"

"I can try, Santana."

"Tell me," Santana spit. "Tell me what I do." Her mind was racing and an old fear surfaced. "What if I turn into a monster?…... I don't feel sorry about this." She pointed down to the mess.

"Well, I can certainly say that you are a very strong girl, Santana. And yes, your anger can be scary but you are able to calm. What we're doing right now - We're processing. We're talking through it."

"But I need some resolution. I told you!" She let out a heavy sigh. "I told you that I'm being held together with tape and glue and I can't…. I just…. I feel like it's all going to crumble…. At any second. I'm just waiting for the pieces to fall. It's like Jenga," she said.

"That's a great analogy, Santana," Gretchen said kindly. "What does your resolution look like?"

Santana shrugged. "It looks like ….. I don't feel like this. It doesn't feel this hard."

"What do you feel like?"

"That the world is about to crumble that no good things can happen with out fifty bad things happening."

"Santana, bad things don't always happen," Gretchen assured.

"You can't be serious," Santana said dryly.

"I think that there is so little we can control in this world," Gretchen began. "But what we can control is how we tackle the hard stuff."

"You think I want to live my life like things are about to fall apart? I don't," she said defeated.

"Santana, what worries me is that your anguish keeps you from being safe," Gretchen stated.

Santana just shook her head. She was fine. "I'm fine," she admitted out loud as she looked at the objects on the floor. "Rachel is here and Quinn needs me. I would never leave them."

There was a brief knock on the door and just as Santana looked up the door swung open.

"Shelby," Gretchen began, but was cut off.

"What happened? What's going on?" Shelby asked. "Staff members came to get me."

"There was an incident," Gretchen said, she looked at Santana for guidance.

Santana looked at the floor. She felt so incredibly full and seeing her mother made her want to explode and hide all at once. All she could do was keep breathing.

"What incident?" Shelby asked. "Santana?" Shelby moved toward Santana who stood on the other side of the room, but the girl only backed away with a shake of her head as her mother neared her.

Shelby nodded knowing that her daughter needed space. "San, what's going on?"

"I … I want to see Rachel," she managed.

Shelby nodded and took in the state of the room. "Santana, we need to clean this room up first."

Santana just shook her head. "No," she said after a few moment of her head continuing to shake. "No."

"Santana, can I tell your mom what I know?" Gretchen asked.

Santana gave a half nod.

"There is a young man in Santana's group that she knows.-"

"Was it Finn?" Shelby asked looking between them.

Gretchen took a breath and waited for Santana to give her another faint nod. Shelby's eyes seemed to bulge out of her head. Gretchen put her hand up to keep her from exploding. "There was a confrontation at the beginning of the group, but they calmed and then -"

Shelby pointed toward the room. "What did that boy say to my kid? What did he say? You don't understand. They can't be together He can't be near Quinn. I knew that this was a bad idea. I knew it."

Gretchen shook her head. "I didn't hear every word but-"

Shelby shook her head. "I'm so sorry, Santana. I should have pulled you earlier. He shouldn't have upset you-"

"It's not him," Santana said angrily between her heaving breaths. She looked up at her mother slowly. Her stupor was fading away because of the shock of it all. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Shelby looked back at her, stunned and unsure of what to say. "Santana, what are you talking about?"

Santana let out a scoff as she tried to wipe fresh tears away. "Why didn't you tell me that he was going to kill them?" Shelby's face fell. Santana just continued to look at her feeling a betrayal breaking her heart all over. She tried to steal her face. "That's what Finn said. He didn't say it out of anger or … he didn't mean it to hurt me. It was a fact…." Her words were so to the point that it took a minute for the emotions and the grenades in her chest to go off. She looked at her mother. "Why didn't you tell me?! I deserved to know!"

"Santana," Shelby began.

"No! NO!" She stomped her foot and pointed at her mother. "You don't get to do that! You don't get to protect me. There is nothing to protect me from anymore!"

"Santana," Gretchen tried to interfere.

"Go away!" Santana scolded.

"Santana, I didn't tell you because I didn't know how," Shelby said tearfully.

"Stop! You weren't going to tell me," she yelled. She waved her arms. "Look around you. All I am is Taz to you. You can't tell me anything because I'm going to crumble."

Santana was crying openly now. She didn't know how to stop it. "You promised me," she said with a waiver in her voice. "You promised me that you would tell me the important stuff….. and you haven't…. You never did…."

"Santana, that's not true," Shelby said as she walked toward her daughter.

"No!" she shouted backing away from her.

"Santana, I'm sorry. I didn't want you to find out like this," Shelby said. "I did want to tell you."

"Bull shit," Santana hollered. She shook her head. "You lied! You lie!"

"Santana-" Shelby began toward her.

"Don't," she said as she walked closer to the door. "Just don't!"

"Santana," Shelby said.

"I need to get out of here," she muttered as she pushed past her.

"Santana, stay," Shelby said.

Santana burst through the door and raced down the hallway. She wished she could find Rachel and have it all go away but she knew in her heart that Gretchen was right. She couldn't see Rachel now. She couldn't see anyone. Now when she felt like this. She let her legs carry her. She had always been a good runner and she just let her body take over.

….

Rachel kept looking between the instructor, Bridget, and Quinn. She stuck her tongue out of the side of her mouth slightly and looked at the woman and then looked over at Quinn again.

"You ready?" Bridget asked, trying to calm the girls. She could see that she was losing the attention of the older girl and that the younger girl looked as if she asked her to donate an organ.

Rachel looked again at Quinn, trying her best to attempt to look relaxed and comfortable. "We've cooked before," she said with a roll of her eyes. She shrunk back slightly. "Right, Quinn?"

Quinn just nodded with a weak smile. She looked out the window behind her before turning back to Rachel "Just listen. Okay?"

The blonde looked at the food in front of her. She was tired and she didn't really want to learn about nutrition. She simply wanted to be home or somewhere else. Her stomach churned as she looked at the clock. She had to be there for an endless amount of time. She couldn't help but wish that she was writing an essay alone somewhere else. She needed the task because she knew it would help distract herself from all that had happened. She didn't want to think about the fact that she was just in the hospital earlier that week. Nor did she want to think about the stress that caused her to get there. She blinked back to the discussions that she had with Gretchen and then she remembered the voicemail that her mother took earlier that morning and her mind was reoccupied again.

The woman teaching them cooking skills interrupted her thoughts once again.

"So I want the two of you to make a balanced sandwich. You must include one ingredient from each of these categories," Bridget said pointing to four sections. "You need a protein, vegetable, bread, and cheese."

Rachel raised her hand. "Do we have to eat the sandwich too?"

"Yes," Bridget smirked. "Your mom wants you to eat lunch with me as well as cook. Please make something that you will like to eat."

Quinn started to prepare to cook her chicken silently and Rachel just watched her, looking for guidance. The eleven year old stared back at the other proteins, then looked at the breads available and over at the cheese.

"Rach?" Quinn asked with a frown.

"Rachel, how can I help you?" Bridget asked her gently.

Rachel chewed her lip and stared at her place. "I don't know what to do."

"Well, what do you like?"

Rachel half shrugged and then shook her head. She knew one thing for sure: She didn't like this at all. She could see that her sister didn't want to be here and wasn't going to help her, but she was looking at her with concern. The blonde looked down at her.

"Rachel, make a -" Quinn began.

"No, it's okay, she can figure it out," Bridget said gently. "Keep cooking, Quinn."

Quinn eyed Rachel for a moment after glaring at Bridget for a moment. "Bug, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she mumbled. "What would I make you?"

"You have to make something you like," Bridget said, trying to refocus the girls.

"I used to be vegan," she said quietly. "I don't know…."

"Rach, just make a grilled cheese. We had that a few nights ago. You liked it, remember?" Quinn said with a frown.

Rachel looked at Quinn and then looked back at the food. Quinn sighed and tried to ignore the own queasy feeling in her stomach. She was almost sure she wasn't sick as much as she was exhausted and uncomfortable. She leaned down and rubbed Rachel's back. "Rach, this isn't hard. Don't make this hard."

Rachel leaned into her. "But…. but they want something fancier than grilled cheese. And .. And I don't know how to make it. Since I set that fire one time in the kitchen I…. I can't make anything without Mom a-a-and-"

"Okay," Bridget said as she as she stood closer to Rachel. "Rachel, this isn't supposed to be hard, just like Quinn said. Let's go through these options together. Okay?"

Rachel looked up at Quinn.

"Quinn will be right here still," Bridget assured.

The blonde gave her sister a tight grin and tried to nod reassuringly. Rachel turned back to Bridget and looked up at her with hesitation.

"Rachel, let me help you," Bridge said. "What do you like to eat? Let's move over here and Quinn will start on hers."

Quinn watched as Rachel continued to look over her shoulder and Bridget led her back over to the other station. She turned her attention back down to her raw chicken. Her butter…. her fat…. she corrected herself was melted in the pan and now she has to cook the chicken. Season, she told herself. She had to season both sides. She looked behind her at the windows. She wanted to be out there and not here.

"Quinn, you doing okay?" Bridget's assistant asked.

Quinn noded and felt her stomach surge. "I don't feel well," she told the assistant. She just needed to get some air.

"How can I help you?" the assistant asked.

"Can you help me with the chicken?" Quinn asked. "I need to trim the fat off and season it. It feels gross… and it's not helping my stomach."

The assistant nodded. Quinn started to toast the bread but she felt another surge in her stomach. She turned the toaster oven on, failing to notice that it wasn't on a toast setting but the broiler setting, with the temperature at four hundred degrees. She set the timer longer than normal. She liked her toast well-done.

She sighed as she returned to her station. She ate breakfast at the house, but she just felt tired and sick. She blinked a few times and found herself staring at the raw meat. She took a deep breath. She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't be here.

"I have to go," she muttered. She gave Rachel a quick look. "I'll… I'll be right back. I have to go to the bathroom, Rach," she said briskly before walking out of the room.

Quinn saw Rachel looking at her with wide and uncertain eyes, but she couldn't be there anymore. She just needed air. She let her legs carry her out of the room. She just needed air. Right back, Rach, I promise, she thought to herself.

Rachel watched the door close behind her sister and she stared down at the food she was beginning to prepare. She could feel her heart race more as she realized with every lasting second that she was alone with people she just met barely twenty minutes ago.

"Rachel," Bridget said gently. "I'm going to check on your sister okay?"

Rachel had every intention of nodding her head, but instead she just stared back at Bridget. She chewed the bottom of her lip and followed Bridget with her eyes as the woman walked out of the room. She bit her lip harder in attempt to release her anxiety but she was feeling more pain in her lip then she was relief in her chest.

"Rachel?"

She looked up and the assistant was smiling down at her. The woman has hair like Santana's but it was pulled back in a half pony tail. Rachel couldn't remember the last time her sister wore her hair like that. She held her lip between her fingers and stairs back at her food.

"What?" she asked, still pinching her lip with her finger tips. She brought her fingers away from her face and nervously let them fiddle. "I mean…. I mean. yes?"

"Can I help you?" the assistant asked.

Rachel shook her head. "I'm okay."

"It looks like you have started."

"I have," Rachel lied. She hadn't and she knew the assistant was lying too. "I started in my head… I… I don't need your help."

"Can I cook next to you then?" the assistant asked.

Rachel shook her head. "My sister is… she's coming back," she said with a waiver in her voice. She looked at the door again. "She's coming back."

Rachel's gaze looked back down at her sandwich… or what her sandwich would become. She felt her heart beating practically out of her chest.

"You're okay," Rachel whispered to herself. She looked up at the assistant. She needed a distraction. "... What…. What are you making?"

"One of my favorite sandwiches," the assistant grinned with pride. Rachel looked up at her expectantly. "It's a grilled cheese with guacamole and bacon."

"My sister loves bacon," Rachel said with a little less shake in her voice. "Did you tell her it was available? She would have made a bacon sandwich."

The young woman smiled. "I believe she knows, but she wanted to use chicken instead."

"Oh…" Rachel muttered as she bit her lip again. She looked with distress at her food "I … I need help."

She knew that she hadn't made any progress and she knew it would make more sense to say she just needed this woman to do it for her. She looked toward the door again and around the room. She had been so proud that she had made it through her first session. She bit her lip again. She had had Kurt then though and other kids whose names she couldn't remember. And now she was alone.

"Rachel?" the woman asked.

"W-what?" she whispered.

"How can I help you with your sandwich?"

"Can you make it?" Rachel asked.

The woman laughed and put her hand on Rachel's shoulder.

"No, sweetheart... but we can work together," she said not noticing Rachel's body tense.

Rachel visibly swallowed and stared at her food. She could only feel the ghost of the hand that the woman put on her shoulder. She bit her lip for the upteenth time. She could start to feel it getting swollen. She looked back at the door. She hasn't even noticed that the woman's hand had been removed or that the the woman was talking as she buttered Rachel's bread.

"I shouldn't be here," Rachel muttered.

"What's that?"

"I...I don't know you," Rachel said looking down at her food again.

"You're right," the woman said as she sat down on a stool to be more at Rachel's level. "Can you tell me more about yourself?"

Rachel stared back at her and just shook her head.

"Okay," the assistant said. "can I tell you about me?" Rachel didn't respond but she just looked back down at her hands. She was wearing a bracelet that she borrowed from Quinn and a ring that she took from Santana's jewelry box.

"You're okay," Rachel whispered to herself. She looked up and realized the woman was talking to Rachel, but in actuality she was talking to herself.

"... And just recently I received my bachelors in psychology. I'm starting my masters next spring."

Rachel bit her lip even harder and looked past the woman at the door. She realized that talking had stopped and she looked at the woman.

"W-w-what is your name?"

The woman looked at her in a way that made Rachel realize that she must have already told her. "Chloe Schnider," she smiled. "I know you're meeting a lot of people and it's hard to keep track of everyone's names"

"Why are you here if you just graduated?" Rachel watched Chloe look slightly offended. "I mean…. Gretchen and my other therapists have masters and even have a PhD. My mumma has her masters….. You…. Should you work with me?"

"Well, I only work part time and don't worry, Rachel, I'm qualified to be here. I help Bridget."

Rachel looked at the door again. "Bridget is Quin's person."

"Yes, but she's yours too," she told her.

Rachel frowned. "The last group I was in didn't have a person just for me."

"Well, this is a group that is structured different. We like to have everyone have a partner. We call that one to one," Chloe explained.

"Oh," she muttered but … I don't think I should be alone with you," she said again looking at the door.

Chloe watched her carefully. "You can be, Rachel. You're safe in here, but would you rather be out there as we wait for Quinn."

Rachel frowned and looked at her with a nod.

"Let's clean and make sure that…" Chloe trailed off and looked behind her. "What's that smell?"

Rachel looked up at her and watched as Chloe's eyes bulged out of her head.

"Crap!" the young woman said.

Rachel followed her gaze and saw smoke pouring out of the toaster oven that her sister was using. Chloe grabbed the fire extinguisher. "Rachel, stay there please."

She watched with silent fascination as Chloe neared the toaster oven and opened it before preparing the fire extinguisher. The flame shot out of the toaster and around the completely charred bread. Chloe looked back at Rachel and when the fire alarm went off.

…..

Quinn walked down the hallway immediately feeling better as she just needed to get out of the room. Once she was out she took the stairs up to the next floor. She was pretty sure she heard Bridget walk out behind her. She didn't want to talk. She didn't want someone to check on her. She wanted to escape and be anonymous. Just for a minute she didn't want to be Quinn Corcoran formally Quinn Fabray. She shook her head. Just for a minute, she told herself. She would be back before anyone would care. She would be back for Rachel. She just needed a moment for her; she just needed a moment to remember how to breathe again.

She climbed the stairs slowly due to exhaustion but faster because she was finally getting the air she needed. There was a walkway that overlooked to the floors below and down to the lobby. Quinn blew out a heavy sigh as she situated herself on empty walkway. She leaned over the railing of the bridge and rested her weight on forearms. She just couldn't be there anymore. It was too much.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" a voice echoed through the atrium.

Quinn frowned and leaned over the banister. She stood up straighter when she saw that the girl who was the source of the yelling. It was Santana. The blonde perked up and looked down at her sister and watched her run out of the building and her mother following close behind, yelling as she went.

She briskly walked toward the elevator. She heard Santana screaming something incoherent as she sobbed, causing Quinn to she push the down button more ferociously. She needed to be down there. When the elevator finally opened, her adrenaline led her out the glass doors of the front of the building. She couldn't tell that it was cold nor could she make out what her mother was yelling after Santana.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Santana screamed again. "You didn't tell me! You didn't tell me!"

"What's going on?" Quinn asked the random person next to her as she made her way toward the street but she was still yards away from her sister and mother.

Quinn watched as Santana stopped in the middle of the parking lot and turned to Shelby angrily. She had forgotten how terrifying Santana looked like when she was angry. It reminded Quinn of a rabid animal during a zombie apocalypse. If she wasn't so scary, Quinn would laugh. Santana turned to Shelby with her fists cliniched at her sides.

"Stop lying to me! I will never get better. I should have known what he was going to do. I wanted to go to the trial, Mom! I need to see him! I need to know that he won't get away with this," she hollered.

Shelby said something that Quinn didn't hear. She hated that her mother had such a calm voice while Santana was screaming clearly far away. Whatever Shelby said didn't go well with Santana because Quinn watched as Santana broke away from their mother and began to quicken her pace away from Shelby.

Quinn took a step forward.

"Don't, Quinn," Gretchen said putting her hand on Quinn's arm. "What are you doing out of class?"

Quinn frowned and pulled away from her. "Let go of me. I know my sister. She doesn't need you. She needs me."

Quinn took another step forward. "Quinn, stop," Gretchen said as Bridget came out of the building. "Bridget, take her inside."

"No," Quinn said again. "Santana!" she called out to her.

Gretchen walked toward Santana and Shelby as Bridget attempted to usher Quinn back inside.

"Let's go inside please," Gretchen urged. "Santana, you can take as much space as you need inside, but storming out of the building is not safe."

"Yes, Santana, please come on. It's cold outside," Shelby said. "I promise we will talk but I am not going to argue with you outside."

"No, no," Santana scolded as she jogged to get more away from her mother. "Get away from me."

"Santana, stop," Shelby scolded. "We will not argue in the parking lot! You are not looking. You're not paying attention Please pay attention."

"Fuck you! I'm not going to argue with you either!" Santana said as she picked up her pace and ran as fast as her legs could take her.

"God damn it," Shelby shouted loud enough for Quinn to hear and she watched her mother run after Santana across the parking lot next to the side of the building. "Santana! Stop!"

Quinn started to run after her sister, ignoring the yells after her. She needed to get to Santana before Santana did something stupid, regardless if it required an act of stupidity herself. She knew Santana better, she told herself. They were cut from the same anger cloth.

But a noise made her stop in her tracks.

The noise shrieked through the air.

Fire alarm.

Before she turned around, she caught a glance of Santana stopping in the middle of the road next to the building and following her gaze toward the building. For a brief moment, she and Santana met each other's eyes. Santana wiped her tears furiously and turned back toward the building.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Quinn's brain yelled at her. Rachel, she scolded herself. Did she leave something on? Did she leave her stove on? Fuck, she couldn't remember as she let her feet slowly turn her back into the building.

A honk and a yell broke Quinn's thoughts again.

She whipped her head around back toward Santana and saw a truck passing and once it passed she spotted her mother was holding Santana close to her chest in her arms. She watched after the truck, attempting to piece together what happened. The truck looked like it was on the side of the building in the loading dock. It had been going faster than it should have and the possibility of what could have happened only caused gory pictures in Quinn's head.

She locked eyes with Santana's flustered and broken ones. She gave a slight nod and turned back toward the building. She started toward the building again, but then people were flooding out of the building.

"Quinn? What are you doing out of your session?" Shelby called out to her as she walked toward the blonde, with Santana's hand in her grasp It was as if seeing Quinn for the first time.

Shelby shook her head. "Go sit in the car please." She turned and started toward the building, spotting Gretchen. "Gretchen! Rachel's still in there!"

Gretchen turned away from the staff she was speaking with and turned to Shelby and watched the girls come toward her.

"You all need to stay out here."

"No," Santana said moving in front of her mother toward the building. "We need to get Rachel."

Quinn frowned at the building as she instinctively took Santana's hand. "We're going in. We all know that she's freaking out."

"Absolutely not," Shelby said. "I will get her. The two of you will wait in the car."

Gretchen looked between them as they continued to argue.

"I need to get to Rachel. She doesn't do well with fire alarms," Shelby stated taking a step toward the building.

"No," Gretchen said simply as the fire engines pulled up behind them.

"Excuse me?" Shelby asked. The three of them staring at Gretchen with a deep frown.

"You are family. I am the lead clinician for your case who happens to also be the director of the program. You're not going in."

Shelby stared back at her in disbelief. She heard Santana taken in a breath to begin yelling. She reached out and put her hand on her daughter's face, attempting to cover her mouth. "Stop," she whispered.

Shelby turned to Gretchen. "Please, I -"

"Gretchen," Bridget said walking up to them. "Chloe just called and…" She trailed off when she saw Shelby.

"Just say it," Shelby hissed.

"Chloe stated that the fire has been put out for the most part. It was in a toaster oven. The smoke alarm won't shut off until the fire trucks arrive. Rachel won't get with Chloe to come outside. She's just sitting there rocking back and forth with her hands over her ears."

Shelby shot Gretchen a look of I-told-you-so and started toward the building. She shook her head and started toward the building; this was her kid. This choice was not up for discussion. . Gretchen put her hand on her shoulder.

"No," Gretchen said. "Shelby, stop. She's with my staff. I will go in and bring her out. Quinn and Santana, I need you to stay here."

"No," both of them protested.

"This is bull shit," Santana spat. "I'm not going to do this! I'm not going to argue with you! She is scared and she needs us."

"She's my daughter," Shelby snapped. " I don't care what you say, Gretchen, but I'm going in there. I need to see her. She needs me." She looked at the woman with a deep set frown. "So get out of my way."

"I'm sorry, Ma'am but you cannot go in," the fire chief said as he turned to Shelby and Gretchen. "We need to clear the building."

"My child is in there," Shelby began.

"Yeah, my sister is in there," Santana said.

"It looks like there are still a few people coming out," the policeman said.

Quinn shook her head at the bickering group and started toward the building. She didn't do small talk. She just needed to get Rachel and come out.

"Darlin', you gotta stay out here," a firefighter stated.

"Quinn, come back here," Shelby scolded.

"This is crap," Santana said. "Go get my sister!"

"Enough," Gretchen said. "I'm sorry. I'm not arguing about this. The more that we argue the more time we waste. Your choice but I am not going to change my mind. You're not authorized to go in and you and I both know that I barely am. And most of all you know that I'm right."

Shelby locked eyes with Gretchen. Searching for some sort of answers with a silent showdown.

"She needs her neb when she gets out. She won't go with you you have to tell her that I said it was okay," Shelby said evenly.

"Mom, you can't be serious!" Santana shouted.

"We don't have a choice," Shelby said as she continued to hold Gretchen's gaze. "We will be waiting right here. If you're not out with in ten minutes, I'm coming inside."

…..

Rachel kept her eyes clamped shut as she tried calm the burning in her chest. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to be here. Part of her didn't even understand what was it that scared her about the noise. She frowned even deeper. She hated that she was so scared. She tucked her chin under her her arms that she had wrapped around her knees.

She cracked her eyes open and looked at Chloe on the phone in front of her.

She felt her eyes fill with tears.

"I …. I can't stand the noise," she said shakily to Chloe who stared back at her in surprise. "Please make it stop."

"Rachel, we can't, but we can walk out, okay?" Chloe said gently.

Rachel shook her head. She didn't want to do that. "I want my mom," she quivered.

"Rachel, we are going to go straight to her," Chloe told her. She stood up and held out her hand. "Come on."

She shook her head. "Nonononono," she said with her breath becoming more hitched.

She hated this. She hated being this person that was scared all of the time. She wished so desperately tht being brave … or even better stoic. She couldn't suffocate her feelings. She felt them too much and too often.

"Rachel, it would be quicker and safer if we go outside," Chloe said.

Rachel shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block out the noise.

She sighed and looked at Rachel. "We're going to have to do this."

Rachel let out a sob. "No!"

"Rachel?"

She looked up and a firefighter was standing next to her.

"Rachel, let's go outside," he said. "Your mom is out there waiting for you."

She shook her head and closed her eyes as she leaned away from her.

"Rachel," a new voice said.

Rachel opened her eyes and looked at Gretchen. Her body was concentrating on the noise but her brain perked up to the woman's words.

"Rachel, we need to go outside," Gretchen said.

"I'm scared," Rachel muttered.

"I know," Gretchen said. "We're going to get away from the noise and go out to your mom and sisters."

Rachel shook her head. "Can't she come here?"

"No, she can't," Gretchen said.

"You've been brave, Rachel, but you need to leave now with us," she said. Gretchen looked at her. "That noise, Rachel, isn't scary. It's there to keep us safe. You're safe now. The fire department can turn it off, but they need you to be out of the building."

Rachel searched Gretchen's eyes.

The woman smiled at her again. "It's just a big machine that helps keep us safe."

Rachel looked at Gretchen with a frown and then looked behind her the firefighter who spoke to her before.

"Now, you can walk yourself or my friend, Chief Blake, can bring you to your mom and sisters."

Rachel licked her lips and stared back at her.

"Rachel, changing and growing and being brave isn't something anyone can do for you. You need to do it for you," she said gently.

"Ready?"

Rachel looked over her shoulder.

"Come on, kiddo," the chef stated as he lifted her up bridal style.

Rachel felt her breath hitch. "I'm right here,"Gretchen said as she took her hand. "And your mom is right outside."

Rachel frowned and squeezed Gretchen's hand. All she could do was hold on.

… .

Shelby watched as Gretchen spoke to the firefighters and walked into the building despite their protest. The woman assured them the fire was put out but that she needed to get to a patient.

Shelby turned and saw Quinn and Santana huddled near the sidewalk. She spotted a paramedic and quickly asked, but more demanded a blanket. She draped it over the girls' shoulders. She looked at Santana recalling the moments that had just flashed before her. Her daughter was always tempting fate and today she blindly stopped in the path of a truck. Shelby's heart was still making its way out of her throat. Perhaps a more sane part of her knew that Santana was fine now and wouldn't be hurt. The truck wasn't going fast, but it was going fast enough to take Shelby's breath away. And what killed her the most is Santana barely noticed. She didn't even blink.

Shelby reached out and cupped Santana's face and kissed her. "Don't do that ever again," she said. Santana pulled away weakly and stared intently at the building.

Santana pulled away from her. "We need to have them get the neb ready."

Shelby nodded at her daughter and waved one of the EMTs over. "Are you sure you're okay?" she asked Santana.

"Mom, I'm fine," she said dryly. "Just leave me alone."

Shelby stared at Santana for a moment at a loss of what to say. She realized that now wasn't the time to push.

"Quinn, are you alright? What are you doing out of class?" Shelby asked.

Quinn felt caught in the spotlight. She hadn't had time to come up with an adequate lie. She sucked in her cheek and bit it with her teeth as she made a poor attempt to construct something believable on the spot. "Um…I …. I just needed air?"

Santana looked at her with an arched brow. "Was that a question?" she smirked.

Their thoughts were interrupted when a firefighter walked out with the fire chef holding a crying and hiccuping Rachel in his arms.

"Hey," Shelby said with a sigh of relief.

Santana sprinted ahead of her mother and took Rachel from the man. Rachel immediately clamped her hands around Santana's neck. Santana held her tight and felt the anxiety of the everything before rising to the surface. She rubbed her back as she blinked back her own tears.

"Shh," she whispered. "You're fine."

"Let's have the EMTs check you, Rachel," Shelby said, breaking Santana from her thoughts.

Santana opened one of her eyes and saw that her mother was rubbing Rachel's back and Quinn was standing close to them. Santana saw that she was still chewing the inside of her lip. The brunette was distracted again when she realized her mother was taking Rachel from her arms.

"No," she shouted out.

"Santana, we can all go with her, but you need to let your mother take her," the woman said without argument.

Santana looked at her but surrendered because she feel the heaving in Rachel's breath as it was against her neck. "You have to take the neb, Rach," she whispered kissing her on the forehead.

She watched out of the corner of her eye as Quinn tried to ease away from them and toward the car. "Where are you going?" Santana asked but then waved her hand not expecting an answer as she grabbed her hand and pulled her toward her. Quinn continued to walk away, pulling Santana with her.

"Ugh, Quinn!" Santana groaned yanking her back.

"Quinn, we're going inside. Now."

The blonde frowned as she allowed her sister to drag her in from the cold.

….

Shelby looked over at the door again.

"I really should take them home," Shelby said.

"You will, but Rachel needs to use the neb first."

Shelby stood up with a shake of her head. "She should get it at home."

"Shelby, stop," Gretchen said. "My staff is out there with them. They're fine."

Shelby sighed. "I feel like I should be with them."

"And you will be as soon as you leave," Gretchen said. "Shelby, you need to focus. Tell me what you thought about today."

"Are you serious?" she asked with a frown. "This day went terribly." She put her head in her hands. "We are a mess. My children can't get through a day. Oh, god, Noah! I didn't check on Noah and -"

"And he's fine," Gretchen finished. "Shelby, I honestly believe that while today didn't go as planned, it couldn't have gone better."

"Are you mocking me?" Shelby asked in a dry tone.

"Not at all," Gretchen stated. "We were able to see how you all function when you reach a point of stress and most of all we were able to process or begin to process with all of you. Yes, we have a lot of work to do, but this is a fantastic foundation. You must see that."

Shelby shook her head. "It's not that easy though. Today was so stressful for them."

"And for you," Gretchen pointed out. "Stress is unavoidable and I think you've been trying to avoid it."

"Wouldn't you?" Shelby asked honestly.

"Shelby, you have done so well with the providers that you've worked with before but all of the kids' reactions and lash outs are linked to their trauma."

"I know that," Shelby snapped.

"You and I both know that this trauma runs deep, Shelby," Gretchen said. "Both the fresh trauma and the old wounds. We need to work on this. We need to be more direct and most of all take responsibility and encourage the kids to take responsibility."

Shelby stared at the floor. She felt and anxiety building in her temples and a hollowness in her heart.

"I don't want to fail them again," she said quietly.

"But you need to, Shelby," Gretchen said. She tilted her head at Shelby's frown. "In a way, you need to make mistakes and you need to let the kids make them too. You need to let them try to work things out on their own." She paused as she looked at the mother sympathetically. "I can't possibility begin to understand what you're going through, but I can imagine that it has been a battle. For instance, Rachel's reaction to the fire alarm is something she wants to work on and it is something that you need to let her do. She wants you and she needs you but she has come to accept you to catch her all the time. She's a preteen and -"

"She's not a preteen," Shelby said with a scoff.

"Basically, she'll be twelve soon -"

"Next year," Shelby said with a harsh sake of her head.

"This," Gretchen said with a pause. "What you're doing right now, protecting them, is not helping." The woman chewed her lip as she carefully thought of her words. "And I think that has held her back. You coddle her, Shelby. You do it to all of them, but mostly to Rachel. And Santana does it too, but in a lot of ways she follows your lead."

Shelby shook her head. "You…. you don't understand what she's been through, what they've all been through."

"I know that I don't," Gretchen said. "But you need to let them do the work they need to do….. you told me that you withdrew them abruptly from their trauma work in New York when you moved to Lima."

Shelby avoided her gaze. "That's not the same. We needed to move closer to my family. I needed help.

"You and I both know that the way trauma is treated and understood today is completely different from ten years ago. We have to give them a chance to do that hard work. We need to figure out new coping skills so that they can stand on their own and then you have to allow them to do so." Gretchen's tone was soft and gentle without a hint of judgement.

Shelby shook her head. "It's not that easy though. I've been trying to work with them for nine years."

"And like I said before, what you have done has kept them afloat. They have not been hospitalized-"

"Noah," Shelby began.

"Received treatment, Shelby. He was never put in a hospital unit. We can't focus on what has happened. We can use it to learn from." She straightened. "For instance, with Santana, we can't avoid talking about the hard stuff, especially the stuff she wants to know about, like the trial. And also, you shouldn't apologize for keeping things from her. You have remember what a strong parent you are and give yourself credit for it and stop apologizing for the decisions that you make. At the end of the day, Santana is still sixteen. She certainly has a lot of anger. And it something that we really need to address with her. She can hurt someone-"

"She … "Shelby started.

"It's okay if it scares you. We both know that it scares her too. Her very reaction to this news was part of the reason I suspect that you didn't share things with her and she needs to adjust to that. I think that we can find an outlet for her and a way to focus those anxiety. She can't continue to act like this. She may hurt someone or herself."

Shelby leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. Gretchen was right but being right and doing right were two different things.

"For Quinn, we need to start following through with our word. Quinn needs some freedom. They all do but this girl has been alone for her entire life. She's not anymore but we need to let her have an ability to have some time just for her."

Shelby sighed again. "But when we give her freedom she wanders off."

"I know I saw that today, but she does that because she isn't given the opportunity to have her time. We need to give her space."

"I know," Shelby stated. "I just…. I don't know how."

"We will figure it out together." Gretchen said giving her a reassuring smile. "You just have to be open to change. While you may think it was a very bad start, I think that this day could not have gone any better. The girls let down their defense mechanisms and the triggers just happened. Trying to explain what they do is different from their natural reactions."

Shelby gave a slow nod.

"Another thing that we also really need to address is the fact that Rachel doesn't remember most of her trauma, which is typical, but what makes Rachel's situation so unique is everyone knows the details … except for her. And quite frankly that little girl is smart enough that I think she will try to fill in those details if she hasn't already."

Shelby looked at her exhausted. "I know…. She knows that she can Google herself… I just…. I haven't told her because she hasn't usually asked. I've been waiting for her to ask….. but…." Shelby looked at her hands. "She told me awhile back that she knew it made us sad… so she didn't…. but she wants to know."

"And we need to let her know then. We can do that together."

Shelby took another heavy sigh and looked toward the door again.

Gretchen gave her a gentle smile. "Go home. I'll contact you with a schedule tomorrow."

Shelby shook her head. "No….. no… I think you're right….. I really do," she said meeting her gaze. "And because of that I need to know the plan. I need to know what we're going to do."

"Shelby, this isn't something that we're going to fix overnight," Gretchen began.

"I know that, but I need to know the steps. I need to know what's going to happen." she said.

"Well, we will try to get the girls active again and really work on each of their plans. We will form a treatment plan. Santana needs to work on her anger. She describes herself as being held together with tape and glue and I think we can work on that. We need to get each of them an activity that is just theirs. For instance, I think Santana might enjoy boxing. Quinn may really flourish in an art class. And Rachel, I think can thrive again in dance or music… It's something that we will work closely with her because she used to do it. And we also need to talk about school. I know that you have worked with the school district and they have a tutor and are hitting the necessarily milestones, but we need to get them back in a school setting."

Shelby opened her mouth to protest but Gretchen went on.

"And I think you also need to really evaluate what you need to keep you balanced," Gretchen said carefully. "Do you still see someone?"

Shelby waited a few beats before she responded. "Yes… but not regularly."

"I think you need to consider going regularly."

"I've heard this before but I -"

"But nothing," Gretchen said. "You and I both know it will probably help."

Shelby gave a silent nod.

"For Noah we'll just continue to work toward the goal of getting him ready for college," she stated. "Emotionally and academically."

Shelby nodded. "He certainly needs that support. He sent me a text that he was enjoying his time with Matthew."

"... The… The ruling is later this week..."Shelby said. "Should you be there for that? When I tell them I mean."

Gretchen paused. "No, I don't need to be there. We will certainly plan to talk about it."

"In the individual sessions and the family session?"

Gretchen nodded. "I don't want to overwhelm them with services but-"

"No, services I think they'll acclimate to… it's the other stuff…. like school and social stuff that they'll struggle with…" Shelby looked up and say that confused look on Gretchen's face. "It's just been us."

"We need to try to change that."

Shelby nodded. "I know…. but it seems as if every time we change things fall apart."

"You can't think like that," Gretchen stated.

"I know I shouldn't but I do…. because it happens."

"Your daughter, Santana, said the same thing."

"She did?" Shelby asked.

Gretchen nodded. "Yes, she did."

"Shelby, I think that your strength as a family being so close is such a strength but I think it's also an achilles heel if you don't use it well."

"Like what?"

"Like the girls have all told me that you all sleep in the same bed. I'm not stating that it needs to begin tonight but they need to start moving toward not sleeping together. You and I both know that it is not good for their sleeping patterns.-"

"Typically, yes, but they actually sleep better together." Gretchen looked at Shelby with a frown and Shelby went on." "It's something that I attempted to work on for years but I was trying to choose my battles."

"I think it's a battle we're going to have to tackle again. Like I said, don't rush into major changes but we'll work on it in family therapy and in-home therapy. I'll start doing that at the house."

Shelby sighed and looked at her with an exhausted nod.

"You're doing well, Shelby. We just need to figure out how your family can safely grow and change."

"I feel as if I used to be better at this and then all of a sudden I just…. I forgot how," Shelby admitted quietly.

"I think you're just figuring out a new dance rather than dancing the old one," Gretchen said softly.

"I guess so," she muttered.

…..

An hour later the family was sitting quietly at home trying their best to let their minds escape into the reality of the show and escape the present.

Noah let out another chuckle as they watched the scene of the show. "Our family isn't like the Dunphy's right?"

Quinn arched her brow at her brother. She turned back to the screen and folded her arms more tightly in front of her. "We're like a twisted version of the Dunphy's."

"I wouldn't say twisted," Santana said from the opposite end of the couch with Rachel leaning against her chest.

"Yeah, I would just say dark," Rachel said quietly.

Santana combed Rachel's hair back from her face and kissed the top of her forehead as Rachel let out a yawn.

Quinn looked over at Shelby who was typing on her laptop. "What are you doing?"

"Just catching up on an email," Shelby said casually.

Quinn frowned and looked over at Santana, who only shrugged.

"Ma, when will I see Matthew again?"

"Didn't he tell you today?" Shelby asked looking up.

"I think so but I just wanted to check," Noah replied as he laughed again at the show. "It's in a few days right?"

"I think you're going to meet with Matthew once a week, but that you can call him if you need to," Shelby said as she closed the computer.

"Mumma, I think you're nicer when you talk about us," Rachel said as she looked over at her mother and then her siblings for agreement. "Plus… I think we are nicer to each other."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Rachel, we're only nice to each other when we're not throwing things at each other."

Santana grinned. "Truth."

"Guys, we need to start getting back into our routine," Shelby said as she set the computer

"Why are you working?" Quinn asked. "You don't really do that often."

"Sometimes I need to though," she said standing up.

"What routine?" Rachel asked.

"Wait, if you're on your laptop does that mean we get ours back?" Santana asked. "Quinn barely had time to time to use hers."

Quinn shook her head sheepishly.

"It's not mine, Santana," Quinn responded. "Rachel and I share one because neither of us need one of our own."

"Glad we're not sharing," Santana mumbled.

"Me too," she said with an eye roll. "I don't want to deal with your porn spam."

"You have porn spam?" Rachel asked looking up at her sister.

"No," Santana hissed. "Quinn, it is your laptop you just want to say that its shared with Rachel because you didn't want to accept it."

"Shut it," Quinn growled.

"Enough," Shelby said.

"What routine?" Rachel asked again.

"Holly will come back in. You guys have the Ohio State Exams coming up. You need need to be sure that you'll pass to the next grade."

Santana frowned. "Will I be going back to school?... Any of us?"

"I am," Noah said without hesitation.

"You are?" Quinn asked as she looked over at him.

"You want to?" Santana asked with a slight scoff which received an elbow from Rachel.

"Yeah," Noah said. "Right mom? I can go….." His brow furrowed. "I … I can't really remember why I stopped…..I just kinda miss it."

"You had the plague, idiot. Remember?" Santana asked.

Shelby frowned at Santana, who shrunk back. "Sorry….."

Shelby turned and looked at her son, surprised. "I'm happy you want to go back, Noah."

"Why do you want to go back?" Santana asked, still confused by her brother's motivation.

He shrugged and shook his head. "I'm not sure…..but I do…. I want to…."

Santana arched her brow and shook her head. There seemed to be so many changes around her that she felt like the last to know. her brother hated school…. he always went but he hated it and now he was asking to go back. What was happening. She pulled Rachel closer to her and rested her chin on top of the girl's head. She didn't want to go back. she wasn't that person anymore.

Quinn stared at her hands and exchanged a side glance with Santana. She watched as the older brunette had pulled Rachel closer to her and was deep in thought with a mixture of insecurity and nervousness on her face. Santana opened her mouth to speak, but Noah cut her off.

"I'm a senior…. and …. I can't … I don't want to spend another year there." Noah said more to himself than to his mother. It was as if he just realized his reason.

Shelby stared at him in surprise. "I'm glad you want to go, Noah," she smiled.

"Mom, I don't want to go," Quinn spat out suddenly. She shook her head rapidly. "I …. I don't like Holly a lot but …. I don't want to do school with everyone else. ….. I …. Not yet… I can't."

"Me too," Santana whispered.

Rachel just looked at Shelby and nodded.

Shelby gave a slight shake of her head and gentle smile. "We will work with Gretchen's new team and see when you are ready to go back to school and if there is a chance that it should be a different school."

She watched the girls physically relax for the most part, but they all seemed to look tense and stressed from the process. Shelby took a deep breath as she soaked in her children's faces. She sat down and rubbed her legs as she smiled lazily at them.

"There will be some changes, a lot of changes," she said with a deep breath. "Rach and Q-bear need to be healthier. We're going to work with Gretchen and her team to help us get back on a routine. Miss Holly is going to help you stay on grade level. She and I talked briefly and she thinks that you are all on point but we will still need to do some work, especially staying on task." She looked at Santana briefly. "We're going to get you back to being as active as you all used to be. Sue called and stated she'd be willing to help because she told me that everyone else would would only assist you on becoming lazy."

"She always says that," Santana muttered.

Noah laughed. "I won't have to do that with hockey season coming up." He pointed at the girls. "It's alllll you!"

"Shut up," Santana frowned.

Shelby shook her head. "No more squabbling." She stood up and leaned down and kissed Santana on the top of her head. "I love you."

Santana gave a small smile. "Love you…"

"I love you," Shelby said as she kissed Quinn on her forehead and poked the end of her nose as she pulled away. the blond gave her a tearful smile.

"I love you," Shelby told Rachel as she kissed her on her temple.

"I love you, Mumma," Rachel said with a grin.

"And you love me," Noah said as he held his arm over his head to shield himself for a kiss.

Shelby pulled his arm down and kissed him on the cheek.

He gave a screech and wiped his cheek. "Ma!"

"Your aunt is coming over with food," Shelby said with a forced smile.

"You're not happy you don't have to cook?" Rachel asked.

Santana looked down at her. "Mom's just as tired as we are, Rach, and Aunt Joey is full of -"

"Energy," Shelby said cutting her off.

Santana frowned. "I was gonna say that…..Well something like it."

"We can watch a movie as we eat and settle down for the night and start anew tomorrow. Holly is coming over tomorrow. She's bringing Sugar so I expect the three of you to be on your best behavior. She and I are meeting in the morning and I want the four of you to work on whatever is needed. "

Santana rolled her eyes again.

"Pick out a movie please," Shelby said. "I'm going to grab your meds, girls. Rachel, why don't you go upstairs and change."

"Why do I have to change?"

"Because your siblings changed into sweats when they got home. I want you to be changed for when you fall asleep in the next few hours," Shelby said as she opened her computer on the counter in the kitchen.

Rachel groaned and disappeared up the stairs.

Quinn watched after her mother as she exited the room. She combed her hands through her hair as Shelby checked her email on her laptop for the second time that hour.

"What is she doing?" she asked Santana shifted next to her.

Santana looked toward her mother. "I don't know," she shrugged. "Mom, what are you doing?"

"Subtle, San," Quinn grumbled.

"Nothing," Shelby said. She closed her notebook computer. "Hurry up, guys, and pick a movie before your aunt comes over and picks one for you." She looked around. "Did Rachel go upstairs yet?"

Noah nodded and began flipping through the guide on the television and Shelby disappeared up the stairs. Quinn watched until Shelby disappeared before she stood up and walked briskly toward the kitchen.

"Ugh, what are you doing?" Santana asked as she followed her with heavy steps.

"Open the computer," Quinn said as they walked into the kitchen.

Santana smiled happy to have some mischief to distract her. She opened the computer quickly and typed in her mother's password.

Quinn looked at her in confusion. "How did you-"

Santana scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I'm Santana Corcoran, Quinn. Plllleeease."

The brunette turned and looked at the computer. Her smile faded when she saw the title. "It's an email from Jackie at social services…. talking about another placement."

A throat cleared behind them.

Santana turned to her mother and shook her head. Her chest felt heavy and she couldn't do this.

"What are you doing?" Shelby asked

"What are _you_ doing?" Santana asked. she shook her head and looked away. "I'm so tired of being mad at you. Why can't you tell us what's going on"

"Santana, that's enough. Stop," Shelby said. "I know you're upset, but I am the mother here. You can be mad at me all you want but you are not the adult, I am. I will choose what to discuss with you."

"Were you not going to tell us until the girl showed up at our door? or the night before?"

Quinn looked over at Santana with a confused frown that the angry brunette missed but the mother didn't.

"What?" Noah asked coming into the kitchen with Rachel at his side. "We're getting someone else?"

"You didn't read far enough," Shelby said. "I told her no. I cannot take a fifth child. We can't take someone else."

"Because one of us would have to share a room?" Rachel asked.

"No," Shelby said gently. "I said no because we need to focus on us. And I need to give the four of you 400% of my energy. If we were to have another child in my home you would each get less of my attention."

"But… I looked at some of the email," Quinn said. "... She goes to our school and she needs to finish her year… right? …. Why can't we take her?"

Shelby looked at her. "Quinn," she said gently. "We're not going to have another person into our home."

Quinn looked at her tearfully. "Why can't you save her like you saved me."

"Quinn," Shelby said as she moved toward her.

"No, don't," Quinn said as she moved away from her. "Why can't she go to Joey's house? She just needs a place."

"Quinn, it's not that easy. Joey isn't licensed to be a foster parent. She hasn't had experience-"

"She's raised two nethanderthals and watches us and -"

"She was approved as a resource for me, but she's not a foster parent. It's a different process and plus, I don't even know if that's something she and Bear would want to do. It's already been done, guys. you're not going to push this. Plus. … I've told them that I need to close my home as a foster parent."

Quinn took a shaky breath. "What? What do you mean?"

She wasn't sure why she panicking. She didn't even know when she began to cry, but she knew that she was right now. She felt devastated for this girl and she didn't know exactly why but all she could think about was what is Shelby has said no to her.

"Why are you crying?" Noah asked looking at Quinn. He looked at the other women in his family. "Why is she crying?"

Quinn wiped her tears. "I'm not." She shook her head. "I just think that this is stupid…..We can take care of her."

"But not in the way that she needs," Shelby replied.

"I was in the group home …. even for a little bit I was. You're like the Holy Grail. Everyone would settle for mediocre. They would settle for living under the stairs or the chokey-"

"What?" Noah asked.

"She's referencing _Harry Potter_ AND _Matilda_," Rachel beamed as if she just discovered another incredible part of Quinn she didn't know about.

Quinn just shook her head. "I was Matilda but the closest person I head to Miss Honey was Sue Sylvester…And that's saying something….. and then there was you. "I think it's wrong…" She looked over at Santana and then down at her hands. "Do you ever feel like you're stuck? You're stuck with this feeling deep in your heart and you feel like you're drowning and you will never get to the surface? Do you wake up and remember that feeling every day and you wonder to yourself with a deep sadness if this is your forever… if you're always going to feel this way? If this is it? If this is how your future will be? … like it's never going to get better?"

Santana looked at Quinn for a moment and took her hand silently.

Quinn went on. "I feel that all the time… I feel it all the time…. but then for a moment I remember you'll be downstairs pushing me to drink some protein shake or having me talk to you and asking me how I am…. and I just…. why can't you give that to someone else too?"

Shelby put her hand on her own chest and walked toward Quinn. She bit her lip and shared a look with the others. Her eyes locked momentarily with Santana's.

Before Shelby could say anything, she was cut off.

"Mumma, why can't we take someone else? I can sleep in Santana's room. I already do… Well we all sleep in Quinn's room lately. I would like to add something as a person who has spent a lot of time under the stairs. It is very comfortable and can be appropriately converted to a bedroom," Rachel said, showing a spark of her old self.

Shelby chuckled mildly but regained her composure. "It's still a no."

Santana folded her arms across her chest. "But why?"

"Because it is," Shelby said. "It's terrible and it's hard." Her voice waivered slightly, but it is what it is. "And right now my focus is the four of you and no one else. Quinn, I know that right now. Everything is hard."

"It's always hard," Santana interjected quietly.

"I cannot begin to understand and I can only imagine, but how you feel…. like you're struggling to get to the surface. I believe that you will feel like you are floating and then all of a sudden you're on land. We need to focus on getting us back on land."

"And you can't worry about any other drowning kids," Quinn hissed under her breath.

"I can't…We can't," Shelby said honestly.

Rachel looked up at her siblings. Noah was silent as he leaned against the door frame with a scowl. Quinn was still tearful and was trying to form words as her arms righted over her chest, as if she were trying to protect herself. Santana looked at her mother and her face remained unreadable.

"This is wrong," Quinn said with a trembling voice.

"Yeah, Mumma, why can't we take someone for a just a little while. I'm sure that he or she will be very good….. We need to help other people and give people a chance. Right?"

Shelby closed her eyes. "Its not that simple. Guys, this is not up for discussion, but no matter what the answer is still no."

Quinn glared at Shelby. "You were the best turning point in my life. You were what saved me and you are just another let down in that girl's story."

Shelby licked her lips and gave a slow nod. She visibly swallowed. "That may be true but the four of you are my story right now. Not this other kid."

Quinn shook her head and started to walked back into the living room.

"Let's go back into the living room."

"i want to be alone," Quinn muttered.

"Well you can sit at the kitchen counter or you can sit in the living room with the rest of us. We're going to have dinner any minute," Shelby said.

Quinn started back toward the kitchen but Santana grabbed her wrist and dragged her into the living room.

"What?" Quinn asked as they sat down on the couch.

"Calm down, Cujo," Santana mumbled. She watched as Rachel was pulling at Noah's mohawk on the other couch. "I get what you mean," she continued quietly. "Like you're stuck I mean."

"It just not fair," Quinn whispered.

Santana nodded. "But…. let's think about it…. It's ….." Santana bit her lip. "Mom can't take on another kid.-"

"Because we're too much?" Quinn hissed.

"Yeah," the brunette responded.. Quinn looked back at her surprised. "You and I both know we have our own shit. Another person… another teenage girl coming in….. that's a cluster fuck."

"But I caused this. you were fine before.. and then I like ….. crow-barred your emotions out of your heart of titanium," Quinn said.

"Careful, your freak flag is flying," Santana said with an arch of her brow.

"I'm serious though…. she goes to our school and she's a senior and we just…. we didn't know."

"We didn't know about you," Noah said as Rachel continued to play with his mohawk with the gel that she retrieved from the bathroom. Noah sat there idly as she did.

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "What?"

"We didn't know, Quinn, and… you just don't know everyone's shi-" Rachel yanked his hair. "Ouch! Shitake! Shitake mushrooms!"

"You just never know what others are going through," Santana muttered.

Quinn shrugged. "I just…. What if she's going to be a Nobel Peace Prize Winner? What if she could be something great but she never will be because we didn't help her?"

Santana frowned and looked at her skeptically. "Are you serious? Sh-Crap happens all the time. It happens all the time and you can't breathe…." She bit her lip and looked over at Rachel remembering the information that she received today. She looked over at Quinn. "Sometimes it's all just too much…..but I think Mom's right. We have a lot to work on." she bit her lip and looked at Quinn and continued quietly. "I think you know that too… and I….. I think you are so good at caring about others but ….. it's also easier than caring for yourself."

Quinn scoffed. "Look who's talking,"

"I'm serious," Santana whispered. "We have to do the work, Quinn…"

The blonde looked at her hands. "What if she wakes up and wonders if that other girl could do it better?" Santana looked back at her questioningly.

"You're here to stay, Q-bear," Shelby said coming up behind her from behind the couch and kissing her on the top of her head. "I promise you that."

Quinn gave miniscule nod. "I still don't think it's fair."

"It never is, sweetheart," Shelby said as she sat down between Santana and Quinn and wrapped her arms around them.

The door suddenly burst open and banged against the counter behind her.

"Hi, Family," Joey smiled as she carried and arm full of take out bags into the family room, only to have Shelby usher her back into the kitchen.

"Jeeeze, Jo, have you met my children. We are not eating on the sofa," Shelby grumbled.

"So… "Joey said as she came into the family room with an amused grin. "Did anything exciting happen on your first day?"

"We might get a foster kid to live under our stairs," Rachel said.

Quinn sighed and gave Joey look. "No, Rach," she said looking over at her. "We aren't getting another kid. We have too much to do."

...

**First and foremost, thank you all for your patience. I am so grateful that you continue to follow this story. Thank you for 2002 reviews, 426 favorites, and 575 follows. It blows me away that five hundred and seventy five of you still receive emails that I updated. Thank you for that! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm sorry that it took so long to post. **

**Happy birthday to my dear friend, Amanda! She made the fantastic trailers for this story and the sequel. **

**I would be lost without my phenomenal beta. Thank you, S!**

**Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you Thank you! **


	68. Chapter 68

**Chapter 68 **

Katie - I am glad you like this story. I am glad you found it too. I apologize for the delay in updating, My beta and I have a little bit of writers block and keep throwing around ideas of where to end the story but I am so glad people are still reading. Thanks for the review.

rizzlescalzonafic - Sugar was a good character on the show that was underused in my opinion. I am glad you like her in this story. Thanks for the review. And I am sorry your dog is looking at you funny now. I am sorry that even a small aspect of this happened to you and yes unfortunately it can and does affect you into adult life. I am glad you got the therapy and help you needed and I am so happy to hear people that have success stories when stuff like this happens. There is no time limit on feelings or emotions and that is what I am trying to portray - everyone is different and has different triggers and feelings, it's all how one handles them and I am trying to give the kids the coping skills they need to move forward. I don't even want to discuss Quinn's storyline in the show because the way the show handled it in my opinion was so very wrong. Thanks again for taking the time to read and review.

Pigiama- I know this update is painfully late. I apologize. Too much of real life and not having the time to write. Thanks for the review and sticking with the story.

MusicBaby1013 - Wow what a review. I am so sorry I broke your heart. Part of the reason that some of these chapters take longer to write is because they take my mind to a place that hurts - it gets emotional for me as the author as well. I appreciate you taking the time and writing detailed reviews. I am hoping you are going to enjoy these next couple of chapters and I am excited that you want a sequel. I do already have a lot planned for the sequel I just need to finish up this story first. Thank you for your support.

NayaFan - Thank you so much for your review. I always enjoy your stories as well. Santana is going to continue to struggle but she is making so much progress - its small but its there. I am glad you are still interested in the story because as an author I struggle sometimes and need to feel that people are still interested. All these characters are so near and dear to me. Thanks again for the review,

Guest - Sorry for the delay in updating. You will see the decision on whether this extended family gets another sibling or not. I hope it makes sense. Thanks for the review.

Guest - Corcoran was Leroy's last name. Berry is Shelby's maiden name. Hiram last name was Irving. Its kind of changed from the show - Shelby kept her married name because of the kids. She still loved Leroy and did not change back to Berry when they got a divorce. I hope this clears it up. Thanks for reviewing.

HannahWilliam33 - Never late in reviewing. I am late in updating. Sometimes life just gets in the way. Its not that this story is not near and dear to me because trust me, my beta and I always think of this story and how we can make it better and realistic. Thanks for reviewing and I hope you like the therapy we have planned.

1moredreamer - Well may you never lose your internet. My beta goes nuts when she doesnt have hers. Gretchen is a tough counselor but she is also the director of the program and oversees all of the therapy. She will be one of the therapists and they need her to be as tough as she can be. She knows that these kids are capable of coming out of these horrific circumstances and having wonderful productive lives but they need to be as tough as nails and have the coping skills to work through it because triggers will always happen for them. Also because they will have all different kinds of therapy they will be able to handle Gretchen. Thank you as always Ms. Brazil!

KC1991 - Well I am glad you enjoyed your birthday gift. I have explained what is going to happen with the foster kid in this chapter - I hope you like it and understand my reasons for it. Thanks for reviewing.

IMHO - Thank you so much in recapping what I want to show. They have been making so much progress but yet it never seems like enough. I want to show that they continue to grow and Shelby does have to change some of her ways and she has been hurt as well by this whole mess. As a mom she wants them to never be hurt again but she knows deep down that its time to let them go a little more so they can live freer. Thank you very much for your review.

Kimberlli - Thank you so much for your review. And thank you for recognizing my beta. She would tell you that she is not the best proof reader and she apologizes for all the typos but we work together on this story tirelessly. It has bonded us more than you will ever know.

Ryoko05 - I am so glad you see progress. It is slow and at times I ask myself am I being too slow. Shelby needed someone to look at this whole Corcoran clan objectively and I think that is why Gretchen's team will work so well. Boxing is only one of the sports that we are exploring for San - because trust me we do not want that pretty face of hers messed with - she will look at other team sports when she is in a better state of mind. Right now its more of a one on one thing for her. She has to trust herself before she can trust others. I am not much of a hockey fan but I do love ultimate Frisbee - I have played a little myself but since moving East there are not that many teams around here anymore. Thank you for your understanding in the delay in the updates. And as always I love and feed off the reviews.

PaoHalliwell - Late to the party is better than never to the party right. Thanks for the review. Unfortunately I do not think we will ever reveal who the foster kid is.

jadelouise - The links to the trailer are on my tumblr account. I am glad you were able to add this as a follow and I always try to do my best to get updates out the minute they are ready. I hope you enjoy this one. Thanks for reviewing.

Lolathe17th - Wow favorite chapter so far? Sugar is a pain in the butt but she means well. And who doesn't have one of those annoying people in the lives. The individual therapy and the group therapy are the hardest to write because I am not a trained therapist but I want to make it as realistic as possible. And these kids even though they have suffered similar trauma will not process it all the same way. Different things have happened and at different ages so all of the processing would be different. Thanks for reviewing.

lemon-rind - Slowly but surely is right. We are getting there and thanks for coming for the ride. Thank you for the review.

TommyH - Thank you !

Drunalove - I am glad you enjoyed. Thanks for reviewing! Quinn is my beta's favorite.

Gleegirl913 - I'm trying for more Rachel - it's just how it flows. Thanks for reviewing.

Guest - The other foster child is addressed in this chapter. I hope you understand. Thanks for reviewing.

**I apologize so so much for the exhaustingly and terribly long delay. It's been hard to write lately and find the flow as well as the time and energy. I cannot apologize enough. I am still committed to these characters and this story. It is unquestionably a part of my life and my beta's life. **

**Thank you for staying as supportive of this story as you all have. It means more than you know. The fact that we've broken two thousand reviews and I continue to get followings and favorites every week or so. I am so grateful. Thank you and Thank you! **

**I am still committed to writing a sequel and this story will be completed first before I will begin that. I have so much written already and so much planned. I'm excited to begin to share it. **

Rachel pulled her comforter up to the head of the bed and folded the top of the comforter down delicately. She smoothed it over with meticulous effort in an attempt to eliminate the wrinkles from the comforter. Her mother told all of them to clean their rooms, but she knew her mother just wanted them upstairs and occupied while she met with Holly and Gretchen. Rachel looked around her room with satisfaction before starting toward her door. She was already finished. Her mother had forgotten that Rachel's room was always clean. They were just going to have to meet with her present. She gave a nod. She was very good at sitting still quietly; it would be fine.

"Whoa, whoa, bug," Joey said as she intercepted Rachel in the hallway with two baskets stacked in front of her.

"You're doing laundry?" Rachel asked with a surprised frowned.

"I did raise two boys, Rach," Joey said as she set the baskets down. "I _am_ capable."

"But…. you don't like doing that stuff," Rachel said with a tilt of her head. "You always get other people to do it for you."

Joey rolled her eyes. She didn't want to be shrunk to size again by her eleven year old niece. "What are you doing out of your room?" she asked changing the subject.

"Am I grounded?" Rachel countered as Joey led her back to her room.

"Sorta," Joey mumbled.

"Why?" Rachel asked as they reentered the room.

"Rach, let your siblings be," Joey said. "Lets figure out how we can clean up this room that's practically spotless."

"Why can't I go help the others? You and I both know that they need help," Rachel said.

"Because you already asked them ten minutes ago if you could help them and they all told you no," Joey said with an arch of her brow. "Plus Sugar will be over soon." Joey rolled her eyes at the name.

Joey walked over to her shelf in the closet trying to find something to occupy the eleven year old.

"Aunt Joey, are you going to take the girl?" Rachel asked as she leaned back on her bed.

"What?" Joey asked perplexed. "What girl?"

"Last night, Mumma and all of us were talking about her. She said you're going to let her stay there," Rachel said. She sighed, barely noticing her aunt's look of shock. "Well….. she didn't say _that…_.."

"What are you talking about?" Joey asked with a furrowed brow.

"The other girl," Rachel said as if that would provide Joey with clarification.

The woman sighed as she remembered the late night conversation the evening before. She sat down and pulled Rachel to her and into her lap, knowing her sister hadn't been able to successfully explain to Rachel that they weren't accepting her. She would attempt another approach.

"Rachel, remember when your Mumma took Quinn in?" Joey asked.

Rachel nodded. "She told us."

"However, before she told you she had a lot of conversations with other people too," Joey began. Rachel looked up at her curiously. "She talked to her family. We thought a lot about it."

"... Why can't you do that with the new girl?" Rachel asked after a few moments of hesitation. "I really think we can help her. I don't understand why we can't.

Joey looked at her. "Rachel, your mom thought long and hard about taking in Quinn even though she didn't have a lot of notice. Ultimately she knew she was going to. Right now, taking in this girl isn't something that we can handle."

"Handle?" Rachel asked. "We're a burden?"

"That's not what I said," Joey replied. "Kids take time and energy, Rachel. You know that. We want to do right by this girl. She's bounced from place to place and do you think she wants to come into a new household with four other kids?"

"We will be nice to her," Rachel replied.

"Of course you would. Rach, that's not the point. I have no doubt that we can provide her a good home and a safe home-" Joey started again

"So then why-"

Joey put her finger to her own lips indicating for Rachel to be quiet. "But the thing is, Rach, your mother is doing her very best to raise the four of you. She's committing 100% and bringing in a new child will take some of that away. That girl deserves better."

"But our worst is other families' best," Rachel argued. "Why can't we try? She's a senior and it'll only be for a little bit."

"Because, Rach, we can't. That girl deserves someone that can focus on her and her alone and someone who can be a long term resource. If she walks into this house and there are four other kids, what do you think she will think?"

"Man, I'm lucky...?" Rachel said with a tiny shrug. Joey gave her a side glare. The girl sighed. "Quinn came into our house when there were three of us."

"Quinn was different," Joey said quietly.

"How?"

"In so many ways," she whispered. She looked at Rachel and gave her a weak smile. "We can't be there for everyone."

"Well, but what if we could," Rachel asked as she sat up. "What if we are passing up an opportunity to save her?"

"Rachel, we cannot. She doesn't have a place to sleep and she deserves better."

"Why can't you take her?"

"Because I'm not a foster parent," Joey said. "They haven't looked at my house and approved."

Rachel frowned and looked at her hands. "I'm scared she's going somewhere else that won't be good. You know?"

"She's going to be okay," Joey said.

"How do you know?"

"Jackie let us know that she's being placed in the area," Joey said gently. "They found another one, a better one."

"So she doesn't need a place with us anyway?" Rachel asked with disappointment.

"No, Rach, and even if she did, she wouldn't." She paused for a moment. "Why do you want this girl you don't know to live here so badly."

Rachel frowned. "Because…." she began but her voice faded. "I ….. I think I wanted something else to think about. And I think your life is made of these big and little moments and …. what if this is a big one and we miss it?"

Joey nodded. "There's no shame in wanting to think about something out. Sometimes we want things to distract us." She gave a sigh. "I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I think that you'll see someday why we can't take her in."

"You're sure that she's going to be okay?" Rachel asked.

"Who?" Joey asked.

"The girl," Rachel wondered.

"She will be," Joey said. "And so will we."

"How do you know?"

"Because I do," Joey whispered kissing her niece's forehead. "And I'm always right."

Rachel gave a soft smile. "Not always."

"Nope, always. I don't think we'll ever miss big moments, Rach." Joey looked around the room. "Now, your siblings have been trying to do some work in their rooms, but they keep being distracted."

"I can help," Rache said. "You have to admit that they're not the best at cleaning."

Joey chuckled. "Rachel, I think you could use some time for you before your little friend shows up."

"She's taller than me," she mutter indignantly.

"Either way," Joey said. She stood up. "Please stay here. I'm sure you can find something to reorganize." She held Rachel's gazed for a second. "I'm sorry that you're disappointed, Rach, but in your heart you know it's for the best."

"Doesn't make me want it any less," she said with little shrug.

Joey leaned forward and kissed her on the top of her head. "I know."

Rachel watched as her aunt exited the room. The more that she thought about the conversation that just offered the more that she felt like she wanted to be alone too. She couldn't articulate exactly why, but she knew that she needed to catch up with everyone else. Everyone else knew that and had accepted it. She needed some time to accept it. She looked around her room. She needed some time to do a lot of things.

She returned her attention to her tidy room once again. It wasn't as if it was dirty before, but it certainly needed to be straightened. She didn't remember taking all of the books out, but there they were on scattered in front of her floor. She knelt down at the low bookshelf and sat back on her heels as she put the books away. Every time she picked up one of the books she paused for a second and reminisced about her favorite parts in every story. She didn't want to think about the other things.

She was thinking about when baby spiders flew away in _Charlotte's Web _when a small knock interrupted her thoughts. She looked up with a deep set frown. Her mother had told her that she was coming over but she wasn't sure that this was the best idea that her family since they came back home. She knew they were also unsure of their choices based on how surprised they were when Rachel easily conceded to letting Sugar visit. However, it wasn't as if any of them had a choice. Her mother, Gretchen and Holly were meeting. Her siblings didn't like Sugar and had to clean up their own rooms, so Rachel was left to entertain the girl.

"Hi…." Rachel said as she turned back to her books, deciding to reorganize them out of alphabetical order by the author's last name and into ROYGBIV according to the book's binding. However, she was doing the task more to avoid conversation than for practical organizational purposes.

"My aunt said you shut down in the hospital," Sugar said, breaking the silence that only lasted a few seconds. "Did you do it like a computer or more like a circus ride?"

Rachel narrowed her eyes but didn't say anything or make eye contact with Sugar. She didn't want to talk about that and she especially didn't want to talk about it with her only faux-friend. She had decided that was what she viewed Sugar as. Kurt was her real friend and Sugar was her faux-friend. She wouldn't otherwise be friends with her if it weren't for their circumstances.

"I thought it was weird because you're like..." Sugar's face puckered up in thought. "... Like _on_ all the time! Even when you're knocking over plates," Sugar said with a casual shrug. She looked around her bedroom. "Looks like you haven't broken anything yet."

Rachel followed her gaze around the room and then looked at Sugar. She wasn't sure what to say because she was right. She hadn't broken anything, but she had only refrained because she had forgotten it was an option. Also, she didn't need to.

"We're friends," Sugar said straightening. "You said so yourself. Remember?"

Rachel paused as she traced the binding of the book in her hands. She glanced up at Sugar. She remembered that she said what the girl claimed she did and she remembered that she had truly meant it. She gave Sugar a tiny smile and the bubbly girl sat down next to her. Maybe she was more than a faux-friend…. maybe she was a real one.

"Well, I decided that because we're friends, I need to come and see you," Sugar stated. It was more of a declaration. Rachel watched her for a moment. For the first time since Rachel had known her, Sugar became visibly uncomfortable. "It's your turn to talk."

Rachel bit the inside of her cheek for a moment. "Thanks for coming," she finally whispered. She looked at her for a second.

"It's not like I had a choice," Sugar said as she rolled her eyes

She wasn't sure why she was shy but all she could think about was the fact that the only people she had been around for the past few weeks have been her family or her therapists. She kept hearing what her aunt had told her. They couldn't save everyone.

She turned to her friend and grinned. Her friend, she repeated in her head.

"You're right. You didn't choose to come, Sugar. Your aunt brought you because you're not old enough to stay home alone," Rachel said with a cheeky grin.

Sugar rolled her eyes with slight relief and shrugged. "No! I can stay home alone with my people. We're friends. Of course, I came. You're sick…. It's what friends do. They visit." Sugar's eyes lit up as if she remembered something. "I brought something for us."

Rachel arched her brow and watched as Sugar pull out a book. She tilted her head. It didn't have anything on the cover. For some reason, she expected Sugar to read something to an exciting picture on the cover.

"Aunt Holly reads out loud a lot to me. I told her before that I refused to do it with your crazy loud family and your scary sisters." She met Rachel's eyes. "You have to admit they're scary."

"They just do that because they need to control a situation," Rachel shrugged.

"Well, they're still scary," Sugar stated with a toss of her hair.

"You never really seemed scared of them," she frowned with suspicion.

"I can't let them know that. Never show weakness" Sugar shrugged. "Anyway! I read this book aloud a lot. It's my favorite."

"What is it?" Rachel asked looking at the old and non-descript cover.

Sugar rolled her eyes in slight frustration when she realized that Rachel couldn't tell what the coverless book was. "It's Winnie the Pooh of course."

Rachel gave a small smile. "I like Winnie the Pooh."

"Me too," Sugar said. "He's sensible and honest."

Rachel arched her brown. "Yeah?"

"And Christopher Robin never treats him like an idiot even though sometimes, Pooh feels like one because he's not as smart as Rabbit or Owl."

"Yeah," Rachel said with a nod. "Which is your favorite story?"

"I like them all of course," Sugar said.

Rachel gave a quiet grin. "Me too."

"I can read to you if you want me to," Sugar offered.

Rachel shook her head. "It's okay…." She saw the girl's disappointment as she deflated and she gave a small sigh. "Actually, could you read the one…. where they go look for the north pole?"

Sugar grinned and opened the book with pride as she began to read.

…

Santana looked around her room with a small sigh. She hadn't spent a lot of time in her room in ages. She used to spend at least fifty percent of her time in her room. She didn't remember exactly what she used to do in there, but she knew that her room felt more foreign than it did before. She slept in there, but she didn't stay in there alone. She gathered up her clothes and threw them into her hamper in her closet. She stared at the doorless room and visibly swallowed. She hated everything that her doorless closet stood for.

A gentle knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts.

"Here," Quinn said as she walked in with a basket of linens. "I think your sheets are in here too."

They had thrown in a load earlier and they apparently just finished drying. Santana sifted through the laundry basket and pulled out her sheets.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Quinn asked suddenly.

"What?"Santana asked as she stretched one corner of the fitted sheet on the bed.

"... I don't know…..Just stuff?"

Santana glared at her. "No….." she muttered and shook her head as she pulled the fitted sheet on the rest of the way. "Do you want to talk?"

Quinn shook her head. "Not really."

Santana snuck a glance at her sister and saw clearly that she wanted to speak. She and Quinn weren't the best at hashing out their feelings.

"Are you about done in your room?" Santana asked as she attempted to start a conversation.

Quinn shrugged. "For the most part." She watched Santana tuck the comforter onto her bed. "I'm sorry," she spit out suddenly.

"What for?" Santana asked not looking at her right away.

"I think …. I um… that I set the fire," she muttered.

"What?" she asked as she sat down on the bed. "Also, it wasn't a fire as much as it was a super reactive smoke alarm."

"I left my toast in the toaster," she mumbled. "I don't think I actually put it on the toaster setting."

Santana gave her a slight eye roll. "Quinn, it's not your fault." She gave a shrug. "You were supposed to be monitored. Clearly they didn't monitor you."

"You're not mad?" Quinn asked in disbelief.

"I'm mad," she responded without hesitation, causing the blonde to stumble slightly off balance. "Just not at you," she replied as she pulled Quinn to sit on her bed as she laid back on it. "I'm too exhausted to be mad at you." She turned her head toward her sister. "You're one of the only sane people left in my life."

Quinn chuckled as she leaned back on the bed next to Santana. "Ditto."

They stared up at the ceiling for a moment taking in the sounds. She could hear Rachel and Sugar giggling down the hallway.

"Why'd you do it?" Quinn asked as she continued to look at the ceiling.

"Do what?" Santana replied, not moving from her place.

"Run in front of the truck," the blonde answered back without faltering. She locked her eyes with her sister's, who looked away after a few beats.

"I didn't mean to," Santana said as she turned toward her sister.

"We all mean to, even if we say we don't," Quinn whispered. She looked at Santana. "I'll kill you if you leave me alone here."

The corners of Santana's lips curled slightly. "Wouldn't I already be dead?"

"I would resurrect you and kill you again," Quinn said as she sat up.

Santana chuckled. "Good to know."

"But seriously," Quinn said as she looked at her sister. "Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?" Santana asked after a few moments of silent.

Quinn shrugged. "I don't know…. something that makes me not worry about you."

Santana scoffed. "You're worried about me?"

"No," Quinn smirked.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Totally are."

"Hey, do you guys have the Fabreeze?" Noah asked without knocking.

"Mom said to wash your sheets and not Fabreeze them," Santana groaned.

"She specifically said not to Fabreeze it," Quinn pointed out.

Noah rolled his eyes. "So is that a no?" he asked.

"Yes," they both responded.

Noah sighed and rolled his eyes as he left the room.

Quinn looked at Santana with a sigh as she leaned her head on her shoulder. "You look like you could use some Netflix."

Santana rolled her eyes and rested her head atop of Quinn's head. "That always cheers me up."

"We can even watch a new show," Quinn nudged.

Santana arched her brow. "Any show?"

"No porn, Santana," Quinn said dryly with a warning glare.

"Why do you think that's all I watch?" Santana asked annoyed.

"Isn't it?" Quinn asked as Santana grabbed their shared and recently ungrounded iPad that the four of them fought over.

Santana rolled her eyes and gently pushed Quinn off of the bed. "Shut it."

….

Shelby leaned back and looked at them. These next few weeks will be a bit … hectic to say the least.

"So where does this leave us?"

"Well, unfortunately, we can't put these tests on hold for them. We've actually been putting them off, but the school district is now saying that we need to complete them. Ultimately, I think that it's best if they take them now," Holly said simply. "I would recommend figuring out how to get them back into school. Not necessarily McKinley but-"

Shelby shook her head. "The girls don't want to go back and I don't think I want them back either."

"To McKinley or back to school in general?" Gretchen asked.

"I just don't know if that's something they need right now," Shelby said. "There's too much going on."

"Shelby, we can work with the girls to get them tested… other tests, besides the state tests, to see if they qualify for an IEP, an individual education plan," Holly said. "While they most likely won't need it for academics, they may need it for socio-emotional support-"

"Rachel was tested for one of those a few years back and she was right on the fence. They tried to offer her services at her old school," Shelby shook her head as she trailed off. "Well, you all know how that turned out."

"I think unquestionably the schools have not been a good fit for the girls, but there should be some out there that might fit them better," Gretchen said. "With Holly and the school district they can assist in making sure that the girls are placed well."

"And plus you kinda have the school department by the balls now," Holly said.

"What?" Shelby asked shocked by the teacher's brass comment.

"Well," Shelby said looking between the women. "Will was a teacher who committed a heinous act against the kids. He especially hurt your kids. They will make every effort to do whatever you want."

Shelby leaned back in her chair. "I guess so." She leaned back in her chair. "I don't want to make the wrong choice with this."

"There will always be that fear," Gretchen pointed out.

"They girls will have Sue at school. I would hate to take that away from them," she said with a sigh. "But they don't want to go back there and I think they may benefit from a new start." She shook her head and looked at Gretchen. "They need stability and consistency. I want Santana out of that group."

"We've already discussed that. You know she won't be returning," Gretchen said calmly.

"I just want to remind you," Shelby frowned. "And I don't want him anywhere near my child."

Gretchen gave a small sigh. "Shelby, they won't be in the same groups but they may see each other at some points, but they will not have any interactions."

"They better not," Shelby mumbled. She took a breath. "Are they ready to take these tests?"

"They certainly are," Holly said but paused. "Academically. It's all the other stuff. We need to take things one step at a time."

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but you all keep saying that and we're still here," Joey interjected from the laundry room.

"Jo," Shelby said as the massaged her temples.

"I'm just saying we have to get things in order. We need to move forward for real instead of talking about it so much."

"Thank you, Jo" Shelby said dismissively.

"I can't help but agree," Holly said.

Shelby tried to contain her dragged glare.

"What I'm saying is that I can help if we establish goals. I understand that the girls don't want to return to school but

I think that they need to. These girls excelled at a public school. They were doing extra curriculars and both made honor roll."

"But there were playing a part," Shelby said with her arms crossed.

"Doesn't mean that we leave them out of school completely," Holly countered.

Shelby waved her hands. "Let's focus on having them finish their state exams and looking at other school options and weighing the pros and cons and we will revisit this in a month or two."

"We will begin again tomorrow. There is a smaller group that I think Santana may benefit from. Rachel and Quinn need to return to their cooking lessons. We know now to provide a great deal of supervision for the girls. We will revisit the school thing in a month or two, but the girls need to come to the center consistently for their appointments," Gretchen offered simply. "Something to certainly consider is how you're going to disclose the details of the trial to the kids."

Shelby shook her head. "What?"

"They're going to ask and you might as well have an answer ready for them."

Shelby met Gretchen's gaze. She was more right than she knew. Shelby gave a slow nod as her mind retraced the events of the last few days. It was so much. She needed an answer. She needed something.

_Shelby wiped her hands dry on the kitchen towel with a yawn when there was a gentle knock at the door. She glanced at the clock. Right when she expected him, an hour late. She opened the door with a sigh. _

"_Hey," she said with a frown. _

"_I know, I'm late," Leroy said with a sheepish tilt of his head. "But I'm here." _

_He looked behind him and pulled in two trolleys with a total of six large boxes. He silently unloaded them into the living room. _

"_Do you think we over did it?" Shelby asked with her hands on her hips as they looked at the large boxes. _

"_Probably," he said with a shrug. "But you were the one that said you wanted this Christmas to be the best for them because it's the first Christmas that we're not all together." _

"_But you're still coming tomorrow morning for breakfast and gifts, right?" Shelby asked. _

"_Of course, I am," he said kindly. "But you know what I mean." _

_She gave a nod and reached for the first box and pulled out the instructions. She looked at them with a frown. "Why didn't we hire people to do this for us?" she frowned as she examined the paper. "Also why did we think it was a good idea to get our nine year old son a dirt bike? Who's idea was that? And we live in Manhattan. Where will he ride it?" _

_Leroy only shrugged. "I don't know. You bought our charming older daughter a Nerf gun." _

"_I'm one hundred perfect sure that was you," Shelby glared as she opened up another box. "Let's start with Rach's gift first. Fisher Price Cars can't be that hard to assemble." _

_Leroy sighed and conceded. "You're doing a good job, Shel. We didn't need to shower them with gifts." _

"_We didn't shower them," Shelby groaned as she looked at the multiple parts in the box. "I just this has been a tough on them. They're so confused."_

"_It's been tough on you too," Leroy whispered. "And I'm sorry about that." _

_Shelby shook her head rapidly. "I'm not doing this with you. I don't need your pity for being that person that would have been happy holding her best friend back from being the person that he was just so __**she **__could be happy." Her words came out jumbled and rushed. She took a breath. "Just don't. Okay? Let me learn to figure out how to be without you and I'll get after back to you." _

"_We can still be best friends," Leroy said quietly. "To me we still are." _

"_To me that's still the problem," she whispered. "I'm learning how to be happy without you and it's damn hard when you're not here anymore." _

_Leroy held his arms out at the boxes. "I'm totally here. We're still together and we're still friends." _

"_It's not the same thing," she whispered. _

"_Well, we need to figure out how we can make it better and be a new us." _

_Shelby just gave a weak nod. "Give me some time okay. There's not really a self help book, __**How To Get Over Your Celebrity Perfect Husband, Father of Your Children and Best Friend Leaves You for A Man While You're Still Inappropriately In Love With Him**__." _

"_I don't know if that would make New York Times Best Seller List. It's very long," Leroy grinned. He paused for a moment and licked his bottom lip. "You're not in love with me, Shel. We're just best friends who are dependent on each other who once thought they were in love." _

"_Really?" Shelby asked as she attempted to put together the roof of the Fisher Price Car. "That easy?" _

"_Of course." _

_Shelby looked at him with pause. He always made things simple when they were complicated. _

"_What are you doing!?" a tiny shriek asked from behind them. _

_Shelby looked at Leroy first who looked back at her like a deer in the headlights. _

"_I said," Santana said again. "What are you doing?" _

_Shelby tilted her brow as if to say, All you, pal. _

"_Sanny, what are you doing up?" Leroy asked as he stood up. _

"_That wasn't my question, Daddy," she said as her father scooped her into his arms. _

"_Santana, where are you supposed to be?" Leroy asked. _

"_Where are you supposed to be? You don't live here,"Santana countered. _

"_How old are you?" Leroy asked taken aback. _

"_I am seven years old, Daddy," she said with a roll of her eyes. _

"_What are you doing?" she asked again. _

_Shelby continued to look around with a frown. "Well, we're unpacking boxes." _

"_For what? On Christmas eve? Santa won't come if you're here like this." _

"_Santa won't come if you're awake," Leroy replied. _

"_But what __**are **__ you doing?" _

"_You can't tell anyone," Leroy said with a quiet wink as if he were sharing a top secret secret. "There is a great storm in the Arctic and Santa is a bit behind schedule. He can us a call and asked if we could help him." _

"_You?" Santana asked. _

_Leroy nodded. "No, parents can only do so much. We do the prep work."_

"_Like the elves?" _

"_Yes," Leroy said with a straight face. "We get the grunt work done so that Santa can put his magic in the toys." _

_Santana narrowed her eyes. "How do I know you're not lying?" _

"_Would I lie to you?" _

"_Yes," she giggled. _

"_Well, do you believe me? Would I lie about Christmas?" Leroy asked. _

"_No," she said seriously. _

"_So you should go to bed, huh?" _

_Santana nodded. "I came for a glass of water." _

"_Liar," he grinned. "You came looking for Santa." _

_Santana nodded. "Caught me," she said throwing her hands around his neck. _

"_You better go to bed and let us do elf work." _

_Santana sighed and walked back down the hallway of her mother's apartment. She stopped and turned to her parents. She opened her mouth but her father cut her off. _

"_Don't tell your brother and sister," he warned. _

"_I won't." _

"_Goodnight, sweetheart," Shelby called. _

"_Night, Mumma," she called back. "Make sure that Daddy isn't a bad elf." _

"_Will do." Shelby grinned a she looked at her husband with surprise. They sat in silence assembling for about thirty minutes until Shelby went and checked on Santana to find her snoring in her bed. _

_She returned and looked at her husband in surprise. "How did you-" _

_Leroy shrugged. "They're going to ask and you might as well have an answer ready for them." _

"_You had that answer prepared?" _

_Leroy shrugged casually. "Santana's always asking questions. She's completely your daughter." _

_Shelby scoffed. "She reminds me more of my sister." _

_Leroy chuckled. "Sure, she does." He looked at her and offered another smile. "We're doing okay, Shel." _

_Shelby signed and looked at him. "What if Santana has questions and I don't know how to answer them?" _

_He scoffed. "You'll always have an answer. You just have to trust your gut." _

_SHelby rolled her eyes. "Everything is so easy with you." _

"_Because it always is," he grinned. "Now help me put together this stuff. If it's not perfect, you know who Santana will blame." _

_Shelby laughed. "Yeah, you." _

Shelby looked at the two women with a tiny nod. "Okay." She sat down at the table heavily and looked at them. She leaned back in her chair and folded her arms over her chest as she attempted to figure out what to say. "I know my children." The statement came out more of declaration than anything.

"Okay," Holly said slowly.

"Tomorrow is the final part of the trial and Santana needs to go," her words came out simply once again. "She should go. She needs this…."

They were silent as they were unsure how to respond to the abrupt announcement.

"What changed your mind?" Gretchen asked.

Shelby frowned. "I just know her." She looked at them. "She always has questions and if we don't provide her with an answer, she'll go looking for her own."

"I agree," Gretchen agreed. "And you and I both know that there is only so much that we can prepare ourselves and particularly Santana for this. I want want to hear what you have to think about this."

Shelby folded her arms tightly across her chest and leaned back in her chair and looked around the room as she attempted to gather her thoughts. She honestly didn't know. Her eyes fell on a picture of the four kids from Christmas. She chewed on the inside of her lip.

"Tomorrow is the verdict." She looked out the window. "Her father and I disagreed on how to raise her a lot. I always wanted to protect her, but Leroy …. If Santana said she was going to fly, instead of telling her she couldn't, Leroy would figure out a way how." Shelby shook her head. "But honestly, over the past nine years….." She shook her head. "I don't know what he would have done if he had been here. I imagine but….." She continued to shake her head. "I don't know."

"Well, none of us do," Gretchen said. "And we never will."

Shelby gave a small sigh. "I want her to be there because she believes that she needs to be there." She gave a tiny smile, that was barely a smile but only enough for her lips to curl up on the sides. "Quinn won't want to be there and Noah will just…." She shrugged. "It will depend where he's needed. And Rachel won't want to be there but I think she won't know how to admit it, but San will want to be there. She will struggle but we'll need to be there together. I will need to be with her."

Gretchen nodded. "Well, we should talk to her."

"Give her the option," Shelby agreed out loud. "Give them all the option." She took a deep breath. "Will we have that conversation now?"

Gretchen nodded.

"Do you have any further questions for me?" Holly asked. "I left the kids' work on the counter. Everything is organized. I can get Sugar and we can go."

Shelby pulled her body up the stairs as she led Holly to her niece. She wasn't sure how she was going to say this. She didn't know where to begin with this but she knew she had to start be getting the kids downstairs.

"Thank you for letting her come," Holly said quietly as they approached Rachel's room.

Shelby waved her off. "Not a problem."

However, she paused when she heard the giggles coming from Rachel's room. She leaned against the door frame and watched as Rachel read aloud with a grin. She couldn't remember the last time she saw her daughter look so relaxed.

"Wow," Holly whispered as she watched them. "How are they and where are our girls?"

Shelby gave her a side smile before she turned back to the girls.

Rachel sat with her legs crossed on her bed, poised as she did the voices.

"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind,"Pooh?" he whispered.

"Yes, Piglet?"

"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you."

Rachel smiled and Sugar giggled. Rachel opened her mouth to continue when Shelby knocked gently on the door.

"Is it time to go?" Sugar asked.

"Yes-" Holly started.

"Actually," Shelby said. "I just want to let you know that we're going to still be meeting for a bit longer."

"Okay," Sugar shrugged.

"You sure?" Holly asked as Shelby pulled the door shut most of the way.

Shelby nodded. "I haven't seen her like this in so long.

"I haven't seen Sugar like that ever," Holly grinned. "I can come back and get her. I have to run some errands anyway."

"Thank you," Shelby said. "That sounds perfect."

"Good luck," Holly said as she walked down the hallway.

Shelby sighed and knocked on Noah's door just as it opened.

"Ma!" he said with surprise. "What's up?"

Shelby peeked around her son and looked at the messy room. "How's it going in here?"

"It's going," he said with slow nod. "I think I've made some progress."

She arched her brow when she saw the bottle of Fabreze in his hand. "Laundry, Noah. Not Fabreze. I thought I made that clear."

He shrugged. "I don't know…. I don't think it's that bad."

Shelby shook her head. "We are not negotiating, but you can take a break. I want to speak with you as well as San and Quinn."

"What about Rach?"

"I think I want to talk with her one on one about this later," Shelby said as she turned toward Quinn and Santana's set of rooms. "Head downstairs please."

Noah sighed and tossed the bottle of Fabreze back on his bed.

"I saw that," Shelby said without turning around. "Pick it up and put it on your dresser. It'll spill if you leave it like that."

"How do you know?"

Shelby scoffed as if he were joking. "I know," she replied simply.

She reached up and knocked on Santana's doors. In every quiet moment, she remembered how at odds the two girls used to be. She felt a happy feeling deep down in her heart knowing how much they needed each other now. She opened the door and saw that they both were facing away from her both with earbuds in their ears through a split jack connected to the iPad. She arched her eyebrow. Clearly this wasn't cleaning.

"How do you think he keeps it so clean?" Quinn asked rather loudly. "Wouldn't he drop blood somewhere? Spill it I mean?"

"He uses plastic," Santana practically yelled back.

"But, plastic can overlap, he has to spill some blood sometime," Quinn countered still with a raised voice.

"He's a professional," Santana said with a roll of her eyes.

Quinn took an ear bud out and turned to Santana. "Whatever," she mumbled. "I wish we had someone like him."

"Me too," Santana said quietly with a tiny visible gulp. Her face hardened. "He's just cleaning up. Plus…. Some people deserve it. Like this guy."

Shelby peached over the girls shoulder just as a red-headed character lowered a power tool onto what looked like a bound man's neck. Shelby snatched the iPad, causing both of the girls to jump.

"What are you watching?" Shelby asked as she looked at the iPad and then looked over at her girls.

"Dexter," Santana said with a shrug. "It's about a serial killer who kills people that deserve to die."

Shelby arched her brow and looked over at Quinn, who only shrugged.

"It's a good show, Mom," the blonde mumbled.

"And what exactly is he doing here?" Shelby asked looking at the paused scene.

"He is chopping up the body so he can fit it into garbage bags to go into the ocean," Santana said as she sat up in bed.

Shelby looked at the girls in disbelief. This was too real for her to hear about a fictional show because it was too much of a reality in their lives. How were they watching a show about it?

"Mom, you're not mad are you?" Santana asked. "It's just a show…. even though, I think we would be better off if -"

"Don't finish that." Shelby ordered. "Let's all talk downstairs please."

"But Mom," Santana started.

"Don't," Quinn said as she stood with a sigh.

"Why?" Santana asked.

"Because I'm pretty sure we're already in trouble," Quinn said with a roll of her eye.

"But why?"

"Because for a brief moment we weren't," Quinn replied as they made their way downstairs.

Shelby sighed and watched the girls walk down stairs. She was too flabbergasted to interject with the girls' conversation.

"Mumma," a little voice asked behind her. Shelby looked down at her youngest. "Can we use that?"

"Rachel, I thought you and Sugar were reading," Shelby said as she set the iPad she was still holding on the hall table.

"We were, but we want to watch a show now," Rachel declared. "Now that Sanny and Quinn are done. It's my turn."

"Oh, is it?" Shelby asked with a quirk of her brow. "I'm pretty sure that you and Sugar have plenty of work that Miss Holly can give you."

Rachel narrowed her eyes and tilted her head. "Don't you want me to enhance my social skills?"

Shelby mirrored her look back and shook her head with a smirk after a few moments. Her daughter was certainly one of a kind. "What exactly do you want to watch?"

Shelby needed some clarification after what she had seen her older two girls watch.

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know. Sugar and I have already read a lot of Pooh. She wants to watch something."

"There are other books you can read," Shelby offered.

"But we want to watch something, Mama Corcoran," Sugar said as she stepped into the hallway. She paused when she saw Shelby's look. "Should I call you something else?"

Shelby looked at the girl again. She wasn't going to start a power struggle with this child.

"That's fine," she said with a grimace. "Rachel, you remember your profile password on the iPad?"

Rachel gave a steady nod. "One hour girls," Shelby began.

"We want to watch a movie, Mumma," Rachel said. She gave a single shrug. "I'm getting over not having another sibling."

Shelby frowned and looked at Sugar before turning back to Rachel with a confused tilt of her head. She sighed. "And what movie is going to help you, Rach?"

Rachel looked at Sugar and straightened proudly. "The Incredibles."

Shelby chuckled. "Okay, why don't you watch in my room on the television in my room instead, okay?"

"Okay," Sugar said as she took Rachel's hand and dragged Rachel toward Shelby's room, leaving the woman wondering how Sugar knew the layout of their home.

"I think we should maybe get her another friend," Shelby heard her sister's voice behind her.

Shelby turned and swatted her. "Stop."

….

Quinn looked around the room. They had been asked to come downstairs and now they were here and no one was talking. Finally, she thought, as Shelby emerged from the back stairwell.

"Why are we here? And what do you have to tell us that you don't want Rachel here for?" Santana asked bluntly.

Quinn arched her eyebrow at her mother.

"Maybe Mom just wants Rachel to hang out with Sugar and get to be better friends because they were actually acting normal," Noah said as he folded his arms.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "But seriously why are we here."

"Firstly, I'm sorry," Shelby said as she stood. "Gretchen, can I ask you a question in private for a moment?"

Gretchen gave a nod and stood.

"Mom, is this about Dexter?" Santana asked with an eye roll.

"Who's Dexter?" Nana asked walking in from the living room.

"The show?" Noah asked. "What season are you on?"

"Excuse you?" Shelby asked in horror.

"Just season one," Santana shrugged.

"Just wait," Noah said with a grin.

"Whoa, whoa!" Shelby said. "Clearly, those parental controls don't work."

"They do," Santana replied.

"It's your passwords that suck," Noah interjected.

Quinn nodded. "It's our birthdays backwards….. And I'm new to the family."

"How am I supposed to remember who's is who?" Shelby muttered to herself.

"Shel, we can easily redo the passwords," Joey called from the laundry room.

"But that's not the issue, is it?" Gretchen asked as she looked between the kids and the mother.

Shelby sighed. "It's the content. You're not bothered by it at all?"

Santana gave a single shrug. "I don't know. Not really. People are terrible everyday…. Why not watch something about a guy who brings them to justice? It's not a big deal mom."

Shelby gave a slight scoff. "I dont know what to say. Please help me, Gretchen. They cant think this is right."

"They know it's not. They know that killing is terribly wrong," Gretchen said. "But I too have seen some episodes of Dexter and I think that's what's so interesting about it. He struggles with the ambiguity of right and wrong."

"But at the same time, he makes it simple," Quinn interjected. She shrugged. "It's a strange comfort knowing that there's a balance out there."

"But it's not real," Shelby said.

"We know," Santana muttered. "Mom, we just needed to focus on someone else's problems. We needed to focus on Dexter's."

"But it's just not appropriate," Shelby said laughing at the absurdity of the conversation.

"That may be true," Gretchen said. "But they're watching it. So watch it with them and then talk about why they like it."

"You're going to watch Dexter with us?" Santana deadpanned.

"You're going to watch a show with us about a serial killer who has a sister who swears more than Santana on a bad day?" Quinn asked.

"We will see," Shelby said still unsure of how they arrived at this point. She looked at the therapist. She wants to hash this out more with her later without her children as their audience. "I'm not sure about it."

Santana shrugged. "So watch it with us," she offered. "Just…. Rachel can't watch it. So… we'll have to find those rare moments when she's preoccupied with something."

Shelby nodded. She didn't want to watch it but the words Gretchen had told her so many times echoed through her head. She said that she was too protective of her children. She had said that there had been no compromise from her part. She chewed her lip. Her children would watch what they wanted and do what they wanted. She knew that. She needed to start breaking more of her own rules before it broke them all.

"Okay, we will talk more and sort out the logistics. I'm worried that you guys will be triggered by it," Shelby admitted.

"There will always be things out there that might trigger us," Santana said, causing her mother and Gretchen to look at her in surprise.

Shelby recovered after a moment. "That's true." She nodded at her kids.

"That's it?" Quinn asked as she looked at her mother.

Shelby gave a little sigh. "It's not, but it's enough."

A moment of silence settled upon them.

"So…. Why are we here?" Quinn asked.

"I want to talk to you about tomorrow," Shelby began .

"What's tomorrow?" Quinn asked absently.

"The sentencing," Santana muttered.

"We missed them telling the verdict?" Quinn asked.

Santana looked at her with a frown. "You wanted to go?"

Quinn shrugged. "I just wanted to know."

"He wasn't on trial for everything at once right?" Noah asked.

"That's right," Shelby said. "Um… well, he was on trial for rape and attempted rape against…" She trailed off as she looked at Quinn who was staring at the floor as her other two siblings were trying to subtly stare at her. " …...Quinn and Rach….and kidnapping of Rachel." She sighed. "He was already found guilty three counts aggravated assault, unlawful possession of a loaded weapon, two counts of harassment of a minor, violating probation and child pornography. Kidnapping was already part of the plea because he admitted that in his confession. He only took the plea so that he wouldn't have to face life without parole. He is hoping to get out and we are hoping that if he ever got out of prison he would be a very old man."

"You remember a lot, ma," Noah said quietly.

"That I do," Shelby winked. She sighed and sat across from the kids and looked at them as they attempted to avoid her eyes. "I wanted to ask you three if you wanted to go to the sentencing tomorrow."

"Isn't this a little last minute notice?" quinn muttered.

"You didn't say what the verdict was," Santana said quietly meeting her mother's eyes daringly.

"He was found guilty of all charges," Shelby said as she reached and put her hand on Quinn and santana's hands and looked over at Noah.

Santana felt her eyes sting and her vision became blurry as she looked at her mother. "What does this mean?"

"It means he will be sentenced tomorrow and then this will be over," Shelby said.

"It will never be over," Quinn mumbled.

"Why do you say that, Quinn?" Gretchen asked.

Quinn shrugged. "Because it's true. It'll be better, but…. it won't fix what happened." She bit her lip. "I don't want to go tomorrow. It won't make a difference for me."

She blonde shook her head and leaned back on the couch.

"Quinn," Shelby asked with a frown.

"Mom, I'm fine," she muttered as she closed her eyes, causing her mother unexpectedly to frozen with concern.

Santana glanced at her sister, confused.

"I don't know if I want to see him," Noah muttered. "I just don't know."

"You don't have to," Shelby offered.

"What about Rach?" Noah asked.

"I will worry about Rachel. I'm going to talk to her." She paused and looked between her silent daughters, one of whom was clearly shutdown with her eyes closed and the other was quietly staring at the ground. "You don't even have to make a choice now. You can think about it," their mother said softly.

"I don't want to think about it," Noah said honestly. He licked his lips and looked over at Santana.

"I'll do whatever Santana wants," he said finally. "I know Rachel won't want to. For a moment she'll think she'll will but when the reality comes to mind, she won't want to." He paused for a moment. "San?"

"I need to go, mom," Santana said after a few moments.

"Okay," Shelby said squeezing Santana's hand a little more. "Okay."

Santana nodded. "Yeah," she whispered as she looked down at her hands. "I have to be there."

"Can I ask why Santana?"

"Because Rachel can't," Santana replied without hesitation.

"Without thinking about her, Santana," Gretchen began. "Why do you want to go?"

"I can't not think about her," Santana said. "I don't understand."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't clear," Gretchen said.

Before she could continue, Santana interrupted her. "I need to go to know that I don't have to worry about him being around the corner." She chewed her lip. "I just …. he made everything that I made myself forget come back. And I …. I need him to pay for that. I have to go."

Gretchen opened her mouth to say something but Santana spoke up. "I need to go. I have to. You don't understand-"

"Hold on," Gretchen said. "I'm sorry to interrupt, Santana, but you need to give your mother a chance to answer. Why do you think she would say no?"

"Because she always does. She didn't let see ….. She didn't let me go to New York, I mean," Santana mumbled. She shrugged. "I don't know. She just usually tells me no."

"Well, I'm not," Shelby said. "I'll be with you but, I wanted to give you guys a choice and I am going to support that choice."

Santana looked between her mother and Gretchen. "What?"

Shelby gave a small grin. "Yeah."

Shelby watched as the look of confusion washed over her daughter. She could see that Santana wasn't sure about the feelings that she felt. The look of shock on Santana's face caused Shelby to believe that Santana had been ready to put up a fight.

"You can change your mind, San," Shelby assured her.

She frowned. "I won't," she mumbled.

"Well, if you do," Shelby said. "That goes for all of you." She looked at Quinn, whose eyes were still closed. "Quinn?" Quinn's eyes remained closed. "Quinn, I know you don't want to listen to me right now and you don't have to answer, but I want you to talk with you." Shelby frowned. "Quinn?"

"Ma," Noah started.

"She's asleep, Mom," Santana said with disbelief and a grin.

"No, she's not," Shelby said immediately Her daughter was stressed and as a result she was shutting down and closed her eyes to block her out…. or at least that was what Shelby had convinced herself had happened.

"She is," Santana laughed. "She's legit snoring. Trust me. She fakes it all the time with Rachel because Rachel won't stop talking at night unless she thinks Quinn's asleep… Unlike me where she just keeps whispering in my ear whether I respond or not… but this is Quinn for real asleep. If she were faking, I would know."

Shelby gave a half scoff. "Quinn, sweetheart, wake up," she said with a nervous smile. This was ridiculous. Quinn shifted and leaned into Santana and continued to snore softly. "Quinn," Shelby said more loudly.

"This might be a good thing," Gretchen said behind them.

"I'm sorry?" Shelby asked. She shook her head. "Santana, can you check on Rachel and Sugar please? Noah, follow her and make sure she doesn't make Sugar cry. If they're still playing nicely, come back downstairs please. If they're not bring them downstairs with you. Either way, come back."

Santana shrugged and started toward the stairs with Noah behind her. She turned and looked at her mother. "Mumma don't worry so much about Quinn. She just….. She's not giving up…. she's not … she's not worse… she just …. she moved on. She's good like that. So much stuff has happened to her that she doesn't hold onto her anger like me…. or even Noah…. Just….." She looked at Gretchen for a moment and then her mother. "Don't over analyze her passing out on you. She's tired. That's it."

"Thank you, sweetheart," Shelby said with a soft smile. The mother waited until the kids disappeared up the stairs when she turned to Gretchen and led her away from Quinn's sleeping form and into the kitchen. "This is okay?" she asked with confusion. "I can think of all the of reasons why it's not…."

"We don't know what Quinn is thinking," Gretchen began. "But either way, she's not ready to discuss it. I think just from my short time with Quinn that she not only separates herself from her trauma, but she does it in a way that's almost strangely healthier than other kids that dissociate. Quinn doesn't suffocate it as much as she steps away from it and forces herself to be removed from the situation. …. this is the tactic that she's had to use her entire life. She never dwelled on it because she knew she would drown if she had to. Some kids in her situation struggle and every kid is different, but she really had dealt with it in the most healthy way she could. Long story short… I think this is a good sign."

Shelby sighed. "Is it?"

"I think maybe," Gretchen said gently. "We will talk with her more if she's up to it, but she might not be. She might may very well not go. And we will get through that."

Shelby nodded. "I guess we will," she mumbled to herself as she looked back at her sleeping daughter.

…

Rachel rested her chin on the pillow most snuggly as she continued to be engrossed in the movie.

"Can I say something?" Sugar asked.

"No," Rachel said. "We're watching the movie."

"We can pause it," Sugar said with an eye roll.

"No," Rachel said, not breaking contact. "I like this."

"Can I say something?" Sugar asked again.

"No," Rachel laughed. "Let's watch."

"I just wanted to say that I noticed your mom and I have the same singing talent because we both love the same song."

Rachel nodded idly, but continued to watch the movie, entranced.

"I don't want to watch this anymore," Sugar announced.

"You don't?" Rachel asked as she turned her head slightly from the screen but kept her eyes focused on the movie.

"Nope," Sugar said. "Let's watch something on the iPad."

"My mom took it," Rachel said.

Sugar rolled her eyes. "I have mine, silly." Sugar reached over and turned off the television in the middle of the movie, much to Rachel's flabbergasted look.

"Why did we have to ask for mine then?" Rachel wondered out loud.

"I didn't want to use mine then," Sugar replied as she pulled hers out of her bag. The girl straightened and looked Rachel with a satisfied and boastful grin. "I know something you don't know."

"I doubt it," Rachel said with a side glance.

"I do," Sugar said.

"What?" Rachel asked with a roll of her eyes.

"I know what your mom's favorite song as a girl was," she said proudly.

"You don't," Rachel said turning to look at Sugar completely. She didn't want to admit that the more she thought about it, she didn't know the answer.

" I do," Sugar proclaimed with her nose in the air.

"Nuh uh," Rachel replied.

"You wouldn't be arguing with me unless you DIDN'T know!" Sugar retorted.

Rachel huffed and tried to conceal her vulnerability. She didn't know because she couldn't remember the last time her mother sang to her.

"I'll prove it!" Sugar said as she opened an application on her iPad.

Rachel wasn't sure when they went from enjoying The Incredibles to competing again over who was right and who was wrong. Friendship confused her terribly.

Sugar pressed things on her iPad and finally put it in front of her face. "Watch."

Rachel frowned as she watched her mother's face come into view on the Youtube screen. She was younger, but not unrecognizable. Her mother opened her mouth to sing, the song flowed from her effortlessly, almost like it was apart of her. It was as if she were sharing a piece of her that you always knew but were never privy to. She would close her eyes and smile as the music exploded from her. Rachel felt like her mother singing to her.

Her eyes filled with tears are her mother sang a heartfelt, jazz version of a red-headed orphan's hopes. Her mother was telling her to hang on one more day. She couldn't remember when she heard her mother sing this song. She had never seen her mother sing like she did in the concert.

"You gotta hang on-You gotta hang on 'til tomorrow- Come what may," her mother sang in the video. Rachel felt her heart beat faster.

She grabbed the iPad from Sugar's hands.

"Hey!"

Rachel pushed past her siblings as they walked up the steps.

"Rach?"

"Rachel?"

She bolted down the steps with the iPad in hand as it continued to play. As the song reached its height and her mother's voice echoed down the stairwell, Rachel leapt down the back stairwell and into the kitchen right as she ran into her mother.

"Rach," Shelby asked as she knelt down in front of her. "What's going on?"

"I …. I …." Rachel looked down at the iPad in her hand. "Um…." Her fingers grazed the edge of her mother's now frozen image.

"Rachel, what is this, bug?" Shelby looked down at the iPad. She frowned deeply when she recognized herself. "Is this me?"

Gretchen peaked over her shoulder. Shelby looked at the screen. It had been the last concert she had done before she went to London. She was singing her favorite childhood song, "Tomorrow." Her heart seemed to burst in her chest over the irony of the song.

"Will…. Will you ….." Rachel began quietly. "Will you….sing this for me?"

Shelby looked at her, stunned.

"What?"

Rachel looked up at her with tears in her eyes. "I just….. When you sing it like that…. I believed it would be okay. You made me feel better. Can you ….. can you sing it for me, Mumma? We….. we're stuck with a day that's always gray…. you can fix it if you sing your song." She looked at Gretchen. "You have to listen. She will make you feel better." Rachel's gaze shifted hopefully to her aunt. "Remember, Aunt Joey? When Mumma sings, she can make you feel better. Sugar showed me this and …. I felt better instantly."

Shelby looked down at her daughter with unshed tears. She had pushed that concert out of her mind. She let that song drain from her memory. It all had hurt too much and now it was just unbearable. Rachel was asking her to sing about the hope for tomorrow when so much of her was filled with anxious dread and anxiety about it. Shelby didn't even know how Rachel would handle what she had told the older three now that she had an ideal … a song even…. about hope for the following day. Had Shelby been wrong? Should she remember the piece of her that believed in the words she sung? Her heart had felt so heavy when she sang that song. She was preparing to leave her children and she was still accepting that her husband wasn't ever returning home to her. And then her daughter who had been against singing for months was not begging her to sing again … was begging to be a part of the music again.

It all hurt too much.

She reached out and took the iPad.

Rachel offered it to her as her other carefully pulled it from her hands. "Want to watch you with me? Do you not remember the lyrics? I … I can help you…."

Rachel's brow furrowed as Shelby gave a tearful shake of her head. Shelby pulled Rachel into her arms and cradled the back of Rachel's head with her hand as she held her tight to her. Noah and Santana leaned against the door frame as they watched with slight confusion. Santana reached over the counter and took the iPad and pressed play.

Noah visibly swallowed and chewed his lip to hold back tears as he remembered that his mother used to sing that song to them as kids. His father would sing to them frequently, but this was a song that had been stored away so deep inside them because it was too painful to unpack.

Santana's features melted into themselves onto her face as the memories flooded back to her. She couldn't remember the last time she had heard her mother sing this song. She felt a hand slip into hers and she looked over her shoulder and Quinn had woken up. She leaned onto Santana and together, the two of them watched the video of their mother telling them to hang on.

"When I'm stuck …..with a day " Rachel whispered in her mother's ear. "That's gray …. and lonely."

Rachel stopped speaking the lyrics as her mother held her closer.

Shelby looked up at the kids and held Rachel closer. She had stopped doing the thing that she loved that made her feel to the end of her fingertips because it hurt too much. She had stopped so long ago that she had forgotten what it had felt like to feel that way. Seeing her perform like that and to see her feel the music so deeply in pit of her heart made her want to learn to soar again. She hated that she couldn't remember when she last sang and she hated that she had become the stereotype that had removed that. Music had always been a part of her but for almost the last decade it had become a dormant neighbor instead of the active lover it once was. She hadn't realized how much she had pushed it away and how empty she had been without it. People forget to tell you that it's more complicated than missing things once they're gone. Instead, Shelby knew at that moment, as she sat on the kitchen floor surrounded by her children, that she had let the piece of her slowly melt away as she forced herself to need it less and less. She forced that piece of her to become an accessory instead of a necessity as it always had been.

Shelby look at her other three children.

She had forgotten how music allows her to feel weightless and full all at once. She forgot how it allowed her to let her heart explode and her brain drain. She forgot its solace.

"Come what may," she whispered.

**I know it's not as long as they used to be. I really will try to be better. I strongly encourage you all to watch Idina Menzel's performance of Tomorrow at the Barefoot at the Symphony concert. **

**Please let me know what you think. **

**Thank you! **


	69. Chapter 69

Ellybelly07 - Thank you so much and sorry for the long wait.

krazyy989 – Thanks for reviewing and keeping with the story. Sorry for the wait.

Guest – Sugar is definitely blunt but it works well with Rachel. It will take some time and some patience on Shelby's part but she knows that she needs to give them more independence to allow them to grow. Santana is too emotionally raw to handle a relationship at this time but with time she will develop one – whether or not its Brittany only time will tell. Thank you for reviewing I love hearing everyone's thoughts.

NinjaGleek21 – I am glad you enjoyed the Dexter comment. I am watching all the seasons now and Dexter definitely would have taken care of a couple of these people. I am happy you are enjoying and thank you for the review and the cookies.

Ryoko05 – Wow masterpiece! Thank you so much. I love Quinn and Santana as sisters. They have grown so much and truly love each other. I think if asked they would have a hard time remembering when they didn't love each other. They have been through so much. Thank you for your never ending support.

MusicBaby1013 - Sorry you had such a long wait for this chapter. Writers block along with real life has seemed to take its toll on getting this chapter out. I am actually hoping people are still interested in this family. I am so glad you enjoyed this chapter and overwhelmed that you caught up. Thank you so much for your review.

Bookworm0485 – Shelby's rendition of that song is beautiful. I love it. Thank you so much for the review.

PaoHalliwell – Shelby as wonderful as she is does need help. But now realizing it has become a major step in this family's recovery. Thank you so much for reviewing.

Guest – As much as I and the girls wanted a new foster at this point in time the family has to handle their own problems first. There may come a time when they do meet up or interact with others in similar circumstances but right now we have to fix themselves. They will interact while they are at therapy but they need to concentrate on their own issues first. Slowly but surely each of the Corcorans will start to use music again to heal. Not too sure about when it is introduced for Quinn but we will make it work. Thanks for your review. I appreciate everyone of the them that I get.

Guest – Sorry you had to wait so long for this update. My sincerest apologies. Thank you for your review and your continued support.

KStoryteller – One of the best reviews ever. It made laugh. Sorry to make you cry and I apologize for this delay.

lemon-rind – Thank you so much for the review. Sorry to make you cry. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

KC1991 – Thank you so much for the review.

Lolathe17th – Thank you so much. There is a little bit of optimism and I have to say it is about time. This family has been through a lot. I hope you like the section with the trial in it. I did not go into a lot of debt because the story is about the reactions from the Corcorans and not really about the monsters that came into their lives. Thanks for the review.

Drunalove – Quinn's hair is long right now. Not sure if it will stay that way. Also we did do one birthday and it was Noah's and it didn't go that well. I don't know if we will have another yet but we will see. Thanks for the review.

zuperkt – Things are going to change a bit for everyone so that they can get stronger . Gretchen and her team are going to work with them extensively and give Shelby more tools at her disposal to help the girls and Noah through this latest trouble. Now saying that Quinn and Santana are not going to always be accepting to this therapy nor is Rachel. Thanks for reviewing.

qwertyuiop1234 – Quinn doesn't hold Rachel because she does not think Rachel should be treated like a baby. She has said that many times that they baby her too much. Thanks for your review.

rizzlescalzonafic – My beta relates to Quinn a great deal. I am so glad you can relate. She definitely uses it as a defense mechanism. Thanks for your review.

Blitz182 – Wow marathoning this fic you should get a medal because it is very tense. Amazing. I always try to get more Noah scenes in because to me he is a very important part of this family. He is such an amazing big brother. Thank you so much for review. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Guest – Sorry about the withdrawal. I hope you are still with me. It has been a long wait and I am sorry for that. That's for the review.

Guest – Please forgive me. I hope you did not die on me. Thanks for your review.

Guest – Music will come for this family I promise. It is still is in the hearts of all of them they just have to let it out. Thanks for the review.

Guest – I am so glad you like the relationships. That is important to me and makes me happy write more and more. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with your dads passing. Because of how LeRoy died and what happened after the family broke away a bit. I can't say that we will see them again in this story but possibly in the sequel. Noah will be an amazing boyfriend and when the right woman comes along for him the family will embrace her. Remember he is still in high school and his family has been through a lot. Thank you for the review.

Guest – Sorry for the long wait. I only hope you are still with me. Thank you for reviewing.

HannahWilliam33 – I am so happy you liked it. I am having major writers block and I am so sorry for the wait. I am glad you are really loving the relationships. Thanks for the review.

Eyghon – Impressed that you have gotten all the way through the story and I am certainly humbled by your words. There is a little more left in Open and then on to the sequel which we actually have quite a few scenes written already. I don't want to spoil if there is a time jump but you might be on to something (wink, wink). I apologize for making you wait so long for an update after you did an incredible job in catching up with the story. Thank you for the review it is very much appreciated.

Alese222 – Re-read it twice! Thank you! The bonding for the sisters as well as the rest of the family is something that I really try to convey and I am glad you like it. I am sorry for the delay in the updates, writers block as well as real life has gotten in the way but this story and its sequel is very much a part of mine and my betas life so it will go on as long as we have an audience. Thank you for reviewing.

Guest – I have missed updating it too. Trust me it has not been for lack of trying. Thank you for your patience and reviewing this story.

Readitallinonego – LOVE your pen name! It is a very rough story and a hard read. I know that I have lost some readers over the years because of the material and maybe because of lack of updates recently. My beta and I remember when we used to get chapters out in a week or so. Not sure why this one has been forever and I can only say I am sorry. I pride myself in making each of the characters believable and also grow at the same time. They all have slipped but I think that makes them all the more realistic. I am humbled by your words and I hope you enjoy the latest chapter. Thank you for your review.

Guest – I hope you enjoy this latest chapter and I am glad you love this family because at this point my beta and I feel this family is ours. Thank you for the review.

Chapter 69

"I've never heard her do that before," Quinn mumbled as she leaned against Santana's shoulder. "I didn't even know she could anymore."

Santana stared on at her sister and mother. "I can't remember the last time I heard her sing," she mumbled.

Quinn glanced over at her and watched her stare at her hands. "You okay?"

Santana gave a single shrug. "Yeah…." She met her eyes with a weak smile. "I'm fine."

"Santana?" The girl looked up at Gretchen. She had forgotten that the woman was even sharing that moment with them. She glanced over at her mother who was also looking at her with concern. She hated when her mother's brow knitted like that because it meant she was thinking so deeply she was willing to get

"What?" she asked with a little bite. She glanced down at Rachel who was also looking at her pensively.

"Well," Shelby said said with a sigh as she straightened to her feet. "I want to say that I'm sorry,"

"For what?" Santana asked with a frown.

"Please don't give an inspirational speech, Mom," Quinn said with a dull tone, realizing that her mother could go in that direction quickly before anyone could stop her.

Shelby scoffed and gave a slight sigh with a smirk. "I'm not, Quinn... I have been reminded what singing meant to me." She let her smile fade on her lips. "Still means to me." She looked down at Rachel and to the kids. "I don't ever want you guys to give up something you love because it … " Shelby searched for the words.

"Because it ruined everything?" Santana finished with a mumble. She looked up sharply at her family as if she realized what she said. "I didn't …. Mom, I'm sorry."

"By the way that was an inspirational speech," Quinn said at the same time that Santana mumbled something under her breath.

Shelby arched her brow at Quinn and turned her attention to Santana.

Shelby nodded. "I understand, San."

Santana gave a nod and looked down at her hands. Even though her mother said that she understood, she wasn't sure that her mother really did understand. She had too many mixed feelings running through her head. It was all so much at once. She pushed the thoughts from her head, blatantly refusing to focus on the thoughts anymore.

"It's okay to be confused," Gretchen offered, interrupting her thoughts. "And it's okay to be happy and upset. It's okay to feel that all at once."

Santana knew that she couldn't explain what she was feeling because she didn't even know herself. Hearing her mother sing brought so much to the surface. It was like it was pulling her under and if she thought too much about it, she would drown. She couldn't do that. She shook her head again toward her mother.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it." She looked at gave another sigh and glared at Gretchen. "And, no, I don't want to talk about it."

Shelby nodded at her daughter, knowing that Santana's relationship with music was long and scarred. Healing wouldn't happen overnight. Shelby watched as Santana shifted from foot to foot and tried to get into her daughter's head.

"You don't have to do performances like you did before, Ma," Noah said as he leaned against the door frame, breaking Shelby from her thoughts. "I just listen and play music sometimes...you know?"

Shelby smiled softly, loving that one of Noah's many qualities was that he never gave up on things. Even as a kid he did what he wanted when he wanted to. Shelby was never good at putting limits on him, but he always set his own for the most part. She paused, save for his anger… and his academics. She chuckled inwardly. He was an easy going boy and he never let his father's death deny him from still having a relationship with his father's music.

"That's a great idea," Gretchen said.

Shelby saw her two older girls roll their eyes and she shot them a look. The absence of her children's manners astounded her at times.

"I think that as an assignment you should integrate something you used to love back into your routine, even if it's only for just five minutes-"

Santana scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Santana," Shelby said warningly.

"Don't you need to have a therapy session or something about this?" Quinn asked seeing Santana's discomfort.

"Perhaps, we should," Gretchen began.

"I was kidding," Quinn said dryly. She grabbed Santana's arm. "We will be upstairs doing homework."

"Stay down here please," Shelby called out.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "We will…Noah, let's go." Noah groaned but trailed after his sisters.

Shelby watched as Santana allowed herself to be pulled out of the room. She gave a small sigh and felt Rachel look up at her curiously. The sound of someone clearing their throat pulled Shelby from her thoughts. Sugar was glaring at them.

"What is it?" Shelby asked with a smirk meeting the visiting girls' gaze.

"It was my idea to show her," Sugar said straightening, expecting praise.

"Well, thank you," Shelby said with a nod. "You helped me remember something that I forgot long ago."

Sugar nodded and rolled her eyes. "It's always been on YouTube. There has always been Youtube."

"Good to know," Gretchen said with an arched brow.

"Rach, Sugar's aunt will be here soon. Sugar is all of your stuff packed up?" Shelby asked.

Sugar nodded confidently as Rachel shook her head rapidly.

"Well, let's go upstairs," Joey said. Shelby smiled at her. She had forgotten that she was still in the kitchen. "Let's get Miss Sugar ready so that she can leave." Sugar glared at her. "Because it's time for her to go back to her home."

Shelby watched after her sister gratefully as the girls disappeared up the stairs.

"Well," Gretchen said pulling Shelby from her thoughts.

"Well, indeed," Shelby said quietly. "I feel like I was hit by a tidal wave."

"Let's talk for a bit?"

Shelby gave a curt nod and led them into the den.

"Now, why did you want them to stay downstairs?" Gretchen asked.

"Have you met my children?" she laughed. She saw Gretchen didn't laugh with her and sighed. "Well, they're in trouble… per usual."

"I think that you should start giving them more freedom," Gretchen told her simply.

Shelby scoffed. "When I gave them freedom, one got a tattoo, all of them climbed on the roof, one drove a car and couldn't even reach the pedals, they smoked, one planned a field trip to jail, one burnt toast so severely that they set fire and also my youngest child stole an endangered baby animal from a zoo."

"Don't you think they miss their friends?" Gretchen asked moving almost too quickly for Shelby's taste.

Shelby arched her brow and pursed her lips. "I love my children," she lowered their voice. "They barely let each other in, let alone other friends. They haven't even asked to have other people over."

"Did they know it was an option?" Gretchen countered, but was only met with an arched brow from Shelby. "Doe it bother you that they don't ask about their friends?"

"Of course it does," she snapped. "But I'm not going to push them."

"Well, I think we should."

"They are social. Noah is on the football team and the lacrosse team. Santana and Quinn are cheerleaders and Rachel…. We'll work on Rachel," Shelby said getting flustered. "But they can be social they're just…. they don't always do things outside of school."

Gretchen nodded slightly. "That doesn't bother you?"

"Of course it does," Shelby said with another sigh. "I told you I choose my battles with my children."

Gretchen nodded. "You should consider choosing more. Like I've told you before, you all have taken great strides to get here. There are just more steps that need to be taken. Honestly, I think we've made a lot of discoveries since I began working with you, but it's important to embrace the successes that have already been achieved. Not all kids are able to do as well in school and in extra curriculars are your children, especially after all of the trauma they've experienced."

Shelby arched her brow. "Well…. That's good."

"My team and I have developed treatment plans as we spoke about before." She handed the documents to Shelby. "As we discussed, one of the goals is getting the girls started in another activity to move toward greater independence. I really love that your family is so close knit, but as you and I have talked about before, they are so co-dependent on each other. When you're home, do your children spend any time apart?"

Shelby chewed her lip. "... Sometimes….." She shook her head. "We have a long way to go. We have … a lot of reconciliation to make."

"With what?"

"With our pasts," Shelby said quietly.

"I think you have made so much progress, but you're all scared to let go. This is a chance for everyone to have a clean slate," she said. "Now, you need to step up-"

"Excuse me?" Shelby said as she narrowed her eyes.

"We've been working for a little while now." She paused. "Where are you in the kids' schooling?"

Shelby gave a heavy sigh. "Well, Holly is coming over more often and the kids are preparing to take their state exams."

"The girls are, but what about Noah? He's in his senior year."

"I know that, but he's behind and I don't just want him to return to school. Holly and I have communicated with the school and we have the assignments that he needs to complete and we're hoping to have him go back soon-"

"Monday," Gretchen said. "He needs to return to school. He can't do the work for school unless he's in school. He wants to go back. He's told me that. What's holding you back?"

Shelby sighed. Everything, she thought to herself. "Okay," she said quietly.

"I know things have happened before and things haven't gone as planned, but that's why we're all in place."

Shelby gave a tiny nod as the folded her arms across her chest.

"Give Quinn and Santana some more independence. When was the last time you let the girls run an errand?"

Silence gave her her answer.

"Shelby, they're sixteen," Gretchen said again.

Shelby sighed and licked her lips. "I know that." She found herself caught in a moment. An argument she had once had with Leroy about how Santana would be such a terrible teenager because her husband would never tell her no.

"Shelby?"

The woman jumped ever so slightly. "Yes? Sorry…"

"What are you thinking about?"

Shelby shook her head with a wistful smile. "Nothing."

"Well, I was saying that Rachel should go to new classes and you need to drop her off there and let her stay."

"We'll see about that," Shelby said.

"We will work on it," Gretchen assured. She attempted to shift gears. "When was the last time you sang?"

Shelby laughed. "In the car?"

"No, I mean seriously… and not lessons, either. When was the last time you sang?" Gretchen asked as she leaned back against the counter.

She shook her head. "I don't know why that matters. I'm a different person than I was then." She folded her arms over her chest. "I just need to figure out how to reintegrate it back into my life…. I just …. I was a different person then."

Gretchen nodded slowly. "I know that you're a different person than you were back then, but I believe that this is a part of you. Singing and music is a part of you and you have cut yourself off from it to punish yourself."

Shelby put up her hands. "You're not my therapist." She released a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry…. This is just….a lot. I've lost so much and I have focused on them."

"Well, you need to focus on you."

"I'll speak with my therapist," Shelby said trying to contain her eye roll, but failing.

"What advice do you think I'm going to give you?"

"That I need to move on?" Shelby asked.

"Shelby, you know the answer to this. Think about the advice you give to your children."

Shelby was trying her best not to glare at the woman. "My children know that I will love and support them."

"When Rachel started singing, why did you encourage her to continue?"

"Because it helped her," Shelby said. "She escaped into the music… but it helped her recognize all that she could do."

"And now she wants to give it up?" Gretchen guessed.

"She doesn't but it hurts too much. It reminds her of so much and I get that." Shelby sighed and looked down at her ringless finger. "I get that."

"Shelby, how can Rachel tackle the pain of what music brought her if you refuse to recognize your own pain?"

Shelby stared at the woman for a moment. Shelby was a therapist. She knew all of these things. She really did, but in that moment in her kitchen as this woman spoke to her, she realized what a task she was asking her children. In her heart of hearts, Shelby has always known that there was an unbalance between what Shelby was asking of her children and what her actions demonstrated to them.

"I'm a hypocrite," Shelby whispered.

"No, you're not," Gretchen said. "The point of that question wasn't to suggest that you were, Shelby. I'm not saying you need to return to singing. However, I'm saying that you need to reconcile your relationship with your past. All of the kids do."

Shelby opened her mouth to speak but the doorbell interrupted her thoughts.

"Excuse me," she said quietly as she went to the door.

"Shelby, it's okay to talk about it," Gretchen called after her.

The mother paused at the door and gave a curt nod. Maybe it was time. Shelby turned back to the woman.

"I … I need to talk to you at some point about Quinn and her falling asleep. And Santana's reaction to me singing."

"Do you want to talk about it now?" Gretchen offered.

Shelby shook her head and laughed. "By talk about, I mean I need you to explain it to me. Should I be worried?"

"I think that we have a lot to talk about. After you gave me releases for the school, I found a subtly in one of Quinn's old school records. She has been dissociating for years. Falling asleep in class, staring off into space, while still soaking in what is around her and maintaining her high GPA. I think it was one of the only ways she's been able to survive. However, I also think her ability to sleep anywhere during any conversation also contributes to the fact that they all sleep together. As for Santana, you and I both know that the biggest demon she battles is herself with all of her anger. I don't think it's specifically your singing as much as what it triggered. We can talk about it more later. You should make an appointment with your therapist-"

"It's not pressing," Shelby said quietly as she wrung out of her hands.

"I see you panicking, Shelby," Gretchen said.

"I'm not," she hissed through her teeth. There was so much that was flooding her mind in this moment. She gulped and folded her arms tightly. "You'll still meet with the kids this afternoon."

"Yes, and I think it would be fine if you want to take the time to speak with your therapist," Gretchen encouraged.

"I'm fine," she muttered.

"I already made an appointment," Joey said as she led the girls through the kitchen.

The doorbell rang again.

"You do know that the noise means there is someone at the door, right?" Sugar said as Joey guided her toward the front door

"You okay?" Joey asked in a whisper as she moved around Shelby. "Sugar, go grab your stuff."

"I have it," Sugar said as she rolled her eyes.

Shelby was so stuck in her head she barely noticed the loud little girl leave. She barely even felt her sister usher her out the door saying that she had already made arrangements for their mother to stay with the kids while they met with Gretchen. She kept looking down at her hand as they drove into town. Her finger from her right hand traced over her ring finger of her left hand absently.

"Shelby, what's going on?" Joey's voice finally penetrated Shelby's fog.

Shelby looked around realizing they were outside of the office.

"I just need to … I just need to talk to Patrick about some stuff….." she murmured as she tried to tame the tornado of her memories. "Can you just check on the kids and make sure dinner is ready?"

"Annnnd, pick you up….?" Joey said in that annoying way she did when Shelby and her were kids.

"I can walk," Shelby said.

"I'm sorry," Joey said with a scowl. "I thought that you were my sister not one of my nieces."

Shelby was yanked from her thoughts. "What?"

Joey waved her arm in Shelby's direction from the driver's seat. "I don't know what's going on, but this is not you."

Shelby shrugged. "I can't explain it…. I...Not yet… That's why I need to talk to Patrick and then…. then we'll talk. I'm sorry… I'm just..."

"Full," Joey finished. "I get it. Okay… I'm just going to sit out here."

"Joey, just go do something," Shelby said as she approached the door of the building. "Something productive that doesn't include stalking me."

….

Barely five minutes into her session, Quinn was speechless. Quinn stared back at Gretchen with a frown. She didn't understand the question.

"What do you mean?" she asked the woman.

"Well, what do you want for your future?"

"But in relation to what?" Quinn asked again crossing her arms.

"Everything," Gretchen said. "School. family."

"You do know that I'm sixteen, right?" Quinn asked. "I believe that you need to take things day by day. There's no use focusing on the past."

"Do you really believe that?" Gretchen asked.

"Any amount of me talking about it won't make it not happen. It won't make it go away. It happened. I'm angry. I'm sad. I just…. I'm tired. mostly I'm just tired and I want these feeling to go away and I want to be at the next step. I want to snap my fingers and feel better. You know?" Quinn looked at her with a deep set from and shook her head. "Why am I here? Really here… Talking to you I mean."

"Because I think that you would benefit from this," Gretchen began. "It's our weekly session."

"How do you think I can benefit from this?" she asked with a piercing glare and a folding of her arms.

"How do you think?"

"You can't answer a question with a question," Quinn said shaking her head in disappointment. "I just told you that there's no point in talking about it."

"I think that you believe that not talking about what happened is what's best for you," Gretchen said.

"Why will talking about it help?" she frowned deeper. She and Santana had discussed this several times. Talking about it doesn't make it disappear…It doesn't make you forget."

"Because talking about what happened makes it less scary—'' Gretchen started.

"No it doesn't," she interrupted sharply. "I've moved on. You dragging me in here to discuss my feelings about the past doesn't help me."

"Quinn, it hurts to talk about it and it hurts to revisit those things—"

"So why bother!?" Quinn yelled.

"Because the more that we explore it together, the more that we can understand and ultimately, I believe, the easier it is for you to talk about it, the easier it is for you to process it."

"You're not hearing me," Quinn said rolling her eyes. "I don't need to talk about it because I've already processed it. It sucked. It… It hurt… and … now I'm safe and I'm whole."

"Were you broken before?" Gretchen asked.

"Of course, I was," she whispered.

"Why do you say that?"

"Don't shrink me," she spat. "I don't need this."

"Why did you fall asleep when Shelby—"

"She's my mother," she corrected.

"I apologize," she replied. "When your mother told you that you had an opportunity to go to the trial, you fell asleep during the conversation. Were you very tired?"

Quinn shrugged. "Yeah, I sleep with my sisters…. So yeah…. Because Rachel kicked me by accident last night….I think I woke up. So yeah… I was tired."

"Where do you usually sleep?"

"With my sisters and sometimes my mom joins us." Quinn frowned. She didn't understand why this mattered.

"Why?"

"Because….. because I don't like sleeping alone," she admitted staring at a spot on the floor. "It's just here I sleep. Anyway, I just slept because… I was tired."

"Are you tired a lot? Do you fall asleep a lot during conversations?"

"Ones that I don't want to be apart of," the girl muttered. "Why does it matter? It's not a special skill.. It's just something that I do."

"Something that you do?"

"Yeah," the blonde said with a sharp tone.

"That level of dissociation to the point of deep sleep can be very concerning, Quinn. We want to make sure that things are okay. I know that you've been through a lot but I'm worried that your coping mechanisms have become so severe that you're unintentially hurting yourself."

Quinn frowned. "REally … I'm fine…. you and everyone else have nothing to worry about."

"I know that you think talking about it won't help, but I believe that we've already made a great deal of progress," Gretchen said. "Let's talk more about your sleeping."

"I really don't want to," Quinn said. "I don't need to."

Gretchen nodded and held Quinn's gaze but didn't say anything.

"What?" Quinn asked. Her eyes darted. "Fine," she spit finally.

"Fine?" Gretchen asked.

"I was faking it, okay?" Quinn said folding her arms. "She knows, doesn't she? My mom? That's why she's having you ask me? What was I supposed to do? I wanted to not be there! I didn't want to listen to it. Talking about the past doesn't make it go away. how many times have I had to tell you that?"

Gretchen nodded patiently.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Quinn asked impatiently.

"It seems as if you aren't finished," Gretchen said calmly.

"We have so many talks in our house about feelings. I feel enough already and I'm ready to explode. I don't want to be there I never want to be there and…. I just… I faked it…." her voice faded. "I used to all the time….. It didn't help though… not with him…"

Quinn chewed her lip and looked down at her voice.

"Thank you for telling me the truth," Gretchen said.

"I haven't before because I didn't really think it mattered," she said with a shrug.

"I'm relieved," Gretchen said, "Because as I said, there are ways that people dissociate when tackling stress."

"Yeah, well, I've read that you can overpathologize a person," Quinn spat. "I think this may be a fine example," she mocked.

"Your attitude really takes a dive when you're feeling vulnerable," Gretchen observed.

"Thank you, Oprah. I'm grateful we're paying you for your expert opinion."

"Quinn, stop it. I don't expect you to like me but I require the same respect I give you," Gretchen scolded.

The blonde contained her eye roll, but only barely.

"What other ways have you used to escape?" Gretchen asked.

Quinn gave a single shrug. "I used to read a lot." She paused and looked up at the woman, who nodded at her to continue.

"How did you use them?"

"How do you think?"

Gretchen arched her brow warningly.

Quinn sighed. She looked at Gretchen with a mixture of distaste and conceding humility. She began quietly, "When things were scary or I was overwhelmed I would just go there. I would go through my dreams… even though sometimes it's hard to stay asleep … it was … kind of easy to escape from a situation if I needed to… I just close my eyes, you know?"

"What was your favorite book?"

"Alice in Wonderland," Quinn said. "It was my life and my fantasy all at once."

"What do you mean?"

"I wanted to escape into another world… and I was running from … from my family… from cutting my head off," she said quietly with a shrug.

"Interesting," she nodded. "Yesterday, why didn't you want to be a part of that conversation?"

Quinn looked at her as she chewed her lip. "I just didn't want to be. I've moved on from him. I knew I didn't want to go so there was no need to be a part of it anymore."

"Does that worry you?"

She gave another shrug. "Did my sister tell you that we weren't friends before?" She looked up. "Santana and I….. I was bitch, but in my defense, so was she. We were both bitches and I'm pretty sure we competed over who the best bitch was." Quinn chuckled to herself. "I spent my life pretending to be someone else…. to be safe. I feel safer now…. and I've moved on."

"Quinn, how do you think you've moved on?"

"I have a new life and a new family," she said simply.

"Why do you sleep with your sisters and mother?"

"Because I sleep better that way," she said with a roll of her eyes. The question didn't even catch her off guard. It wasn't an issue. They all slept better when they were together. When they were apart someone was always waking the other up with nightmares.

"Have you tried sleeping alone?"

"Yes," Quinn glared. "My sisters need me so … yeah."

"What happens when you sleep alone?"

Quinn looked down at the ground.

"Quinn?"

"I get scared," she whispered.

"Of what?"

"Everything," she said after a pause. "Are we done?"

"Quinn, I think that you and I both know that you have a lot to work on." Gretchen's voice was gentle. "I want you to think about goals that you want to work on with me. I have a few that -"

"I don't want to work on anything with you," she interrupted. "I don't need to. You're not listening to me. Focus on Santana and Rachel."

"I will, but I'm also going to focus on you," Gretchen said.

"What do I have to work on?"

"For one, learning to be on your own without being scared. I want to know those things you're scared of so that you're not scared of them anymore. Falling asleep at night without those whispers of memories in your head haunting you. You shouldn't have distractions to sleep-"

"I'm done here," Quinn said standing up.

"That's fine," Gretchen offered. "Think about what we talked about, Quinn."

"Whatever," she muttered with a sigh. As she stepped out of the room, her thoughts churned. Would she need to be at her family's side for the rest of her life in order to get a good night sleep? She exhaled. Her books never really gave her guidance about how to let go once you found people good enough to hold on to.

"Quinn?"

"What?" The girl stopped outside of the door.

"Don't forget about that journal you have. Use it to ask those questions you're hesitant to say out loud. Perhaps, if you let me, I can answer them next time." She paused for a moment. "I know that you told me that you were pretending to sleep and I believe you but i really would like us to work on integrating you back into the world you've spent so long selectively escaping."

"I told you that I don't want your help," Quinn said as she started to walk away, knowing honestly that she would eventually use the journal, but she wasn't going to admit it now.

….

Shelby lost count for how long she sat in silence. She wasn't sure where to begin so instead she sat there trying to figure out how to start.

"Shelby?" Patrick asked.

"I dont know where to begin." When in doubt, always state the obvious, Joey's lifetime motto had said.

"Well, you can tell me what happened that caused you to make an appointment today," Patrick encouraged.

"My youngest, Rachel, showed me a video of a concert I did around the time….. when we were still in New York….when I was going to leave for London," Shelby said. "It brought up some stuff for me."

Patrick waited patiently for Shelby to begin.

"... I … left him…" she said thoughtfully as she remembered that time in her life. "But … he left me long before emotionally, I mean." She gave a sheepish smile to herself. "I had always been a realist. I had always lived so honestly… except for my relationship with Leroy." She wrung out her hands as she sat back in her chair. "I just….." She gave a slow, single shrug. "I wasn't ready to give him up."

"When did you?"

"I haven't really…. I have never told anyone this. Not the details of it, I mean," Shelby stated with a sigh. "How I left him."

Patrick nodded. "Do you want to tell me some of them now?"

"I don't know," she muttered. "I sang for the first time today in-I don't even know how long."

"How did it feel?"

"It hurt," Shelby replied without hesitation. "Santana said something about it ruining things and in a lot of ways it did. I went to London to do the role I originated on Broadway… But realistically, I was taking a break from life and from my failed marriage. I poured myself into that role because of that need to escape."

"What happened wasn't your fault," Patrick told her gently.

It didn't matter how honestly he said it, Shelby never believed him. She shook her head pushing away the words.

"When I heard myself singing today, it was like the pain of that time in my life came back." Shelby explained the video that Rachel showed her. "That concert was …. I was so raw in my performances that night because that was the night that I found out…about the affair." Shelby shook her head and chuckled to herself. "It's so …. cliche and I hate that so much. I hated it so much in that moment." She clenched her fists at her stomach. "It burned for so long inside of me that it didn't go away until I was told that he was dead. … And then it just felt like all my organs had been ripped out of me." She felt her eyes sting with tears. "And… then everything happened with my children and I …. I haven't really felt human since."

"What have you felt like?"

Shelby shrugged. "Mom-zilla,"she said dryly. Patrick gave her a pointed look. "It felt like a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from. I haven't figured out how to wake up for the last ten years." She scoffed to herself. "I never thought I would be this person. Ten years later and still angry and pathetic."

"Shelby," Patrick said gently.

"Don't," she whispered.

He nodded and moved on. "You talked about hating something in that moment. What did you hate?"

"I hated that I had been so committed and so …. willing to sacrifice my integrity for the sake of a lie that I let myself believe that things were still okay between us…. That they always would be okay." Shelby glanced out the window for a moment. "I knew," she bit her lip. "…. I had known for years that he didn't love me like that or see me like a lover, but I was…." Shelby shook her head and wiped her eyes. "I feel like such a fool."

"Why?"

"I can't move on. Even then I was scared to be without him." She shook her head at the memory. "But when I walked in on him that late morning, I was still devastated. It was like he was breaking my heart all over again and I had forgotten that he already had just by not loving me back."

"_Shel," Leroy started. _

"_Don't," Shelby said putting her hands up. "Just don't." _

_She walked briskly down the hallway away from him. She could hear him hushing the man that was in their bed. She winced, what was her bed. She heard his large feet jog down the hallway. She couldn't find the energy in her to get past her sadness to move forward away from him as he moved toward her. _

"_Shelby, stop, please," Leroy said as he rounded the corner wrapping his robe tightly around him. He paused when he saw her standing there. _

_She shook her head and moved down the hallway to the kitchen. Feeling him next to her made her feel ache more deeply. _

"_Why?" she asked as she felt her ears feel the pressure of this moment suffocated her. She turned to him sharply "I …. I believed in us for so long and I was so stupid." _

"_Shelby, please stop," Leroy tried to steer her back to him._

_She pushed him away. "Did you ever care?" _

"_Of course I did," he said in a way that was so sympathetic Shelby wanted to slap him. "I still do." _

"_Don't patronize me!" she snapped. Thankful that the children were still at school. She put her hand on her chest to try to catch her breath. "I love you with all that I am. You are my best friend and you can never just…. just…" _

"_What?" Leroy asked. _

"_Love me back!" she screamed. _

"_Of course, I love you back," he said fiercely. He deflated. "It just was never enough. Do you know what it's like to feel empty….but feel so incredibly grateful and loved all at once?" _

_Shelby let out a sob. "I don't know what I could have done." _

"_Shel," Leroy began taking a step toward her, only to have her back away. "You will always be my best friend, but I …. I feel like every day is a lie. Like my skin isn't right and the person that I am is a character. I learned to escape into my music but when… but when the music stops and it's just me…. it's just cardboard. You keep me afloat, Shelby. Our kids … make me feel like I've done something…something right…. but I …. I …" He hit is hand on his check. "Me… I have never felt right …. I …. I have never been me." He chewed his lip trying to figure out the best words that would hurt the least. "Being with him makes me feel something I've never felt." _

_Shelby shook her head. "Don't! Don't!" _

"_I never wanted to hurt you." _

"_Too late," she whispered. She grabbed her coat and didn't look back. _

"I knew he didn't love me like that anymore, but it still felt like he was…." She trailed off and shook her head. "I threw myself into that concert for two straight nights. It was back to back shows. I just stayed in my dressing room. I ignored his calls and messages. And then he showed up at my dressing room where he knew I couldn't escape." She laughed at the memory of his face at her doorway. "He was so sorry, but at the same time I remember how … how much lighter he looked. Like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. I realized at that moment that I was that weight."

"Shelby, how do you think he would react if he were here with you?"

She sighed. "He would be in jail," she said simply.

Patrick looked at her surprised. "Why?"

"Because he would have killed Hiram with his bare hands," she said calmly. She chuckled. "He was never really a violent man either."

"I don't think he would have," Patrick said. "I think he would have seen how much his family needed him."

Shelby remained silent for a moment, picking at her cuticles. "He would have loved Quinn."

"You think you would have moved to Ohio?"

Shelby shrugged. "I think so." She smirked again. "He would have caught that something was up with Quinn years ago."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because he would have," she replied leaving no room for argument. "Quinn was meant to be in our lives and he would have made it happen."

Shelby remained silent for another few beats.

"Shelby," Patrick began slowly. She looked up at him. "Did Leroy see who Hiram was?"

Shelby's first instinct was to go on the defensive. She paused remembering how she voiced that she didn't like Hiram. The children had said that they didn't like him. It wasn't until that phone call that had been recorded on by the 911 operator that Leroy had finally seen. … and then he died.

"Not until it was too late," she admitted.

"Do you blame him?"

"What's the point of being angry with the dead? They can't feel it."

"Is the point of them feeling it?"

Shelby shook her head. "As mad as I was with him, I have been more furious with myself."

"You understand the importance of letting that go right?"

"How? I thought that I wasn't mad at him anymore that I wasn't….. I didn't feel betrayed and then I sang that song and …. it's all coming back to me…. and as a result I've had that damn Celine Dion song in my head the whole way here." She let the smile of her own humor fade away. "Just make me stop feeling this way please."

"I think you're making a lot of progress yourself," he said. "Go back to basics, Shelby. When was the last time any of you did anything?"

Shelby's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"You've talked to me about what you're thinking and the family. And what the therapists think, but what have you and the kids been doing?"

"We have a lot of appointments," Shelby said immediately. "I have four children with …. needs."

"I understand that but when was the last time that you did something fun?"

"...My children are… are trying to heal. They aren't sure if they want to go out and do something fun. The last time we tried I think was in Florida and alls that happen was Rachel wouldn't come with us and Quinn ended up in a fight with her cousin." She sighed. "I dont even know where to start. I feel like I am always grounding them and yet I know that they need to get out more - I need him behind bars for good and I need to get moving forward. I just feel stuck and full myself and I didn't realize how much until now"

"What about a movie?"

"My children don't like the movies," Shelby said.

"Shelby, you need to get out more. You all do."

She sighed and looked at her watch. "I will work on that."

"Shelby, you missed his funeral didn't you?"

Shelby stopped and looked at him with a frown. "What?" She shook her head. "I was stuck in the airport… and then… And then everything happened."

"Maybe it's time to finally say goodbye."

She looked back at him for a moment and leaned back in the chair. "I think it is," she whispered.

….

The night was quiet and morning arrived all too quickly. Before long, it was mid afternoon. The house seemed more quiet than usual. Shelby sighed. She knew that she had to have this conversation but she wasn't sure if she was ready for it. She conceded and knocked gently on the door.

"Hi," she said attempting to conceal her distress.

Rachel looked up at her from her book. "San and Quinn are watching TV on the iPad. They told me I couldn't watch with them." She huffed.

Shelby sighed, knowing what they were most likely watching "And you're listening to them?"

Rachel nodded. "Quinn gave me the scary look."

Shelby smiled with a nod. "Ahh, scary Quinn is certainly scary."

Rachel nodded. "Where did you go yesterday?"

"To talk to Patrick," she sighed as she folded her arms and sat down next to her youngest daughter.

"Are you upset?" Rachel chewed her lip for a moment as she set down her book next to her.

Shelby moved her head back and forth. "Yes and no."

Rachel bowed her head. "Did I make you upset because of…. because of what I showed you?"

Shelby wrapped her arm around her. "It made me a little sad but more than that it made really happy."

"Tenebrous feelings or …. ambiguous feelings… or… abstruse?"

Shelby let out a laugh. "You are going to ace those tests you have coming up."

Rachel looked up at her expectantly. "So…what kind of feelings?"

"Kind of all of those. It brought back a lot, but that's normal sometimes. It's okay to feel a lot at once. It helps to process it."

"... What did you need to process?"

"All that I lost," Shelby said quietly. "And all that I forced out of my life because of those loses."

"Oh…." Rachel mumbled. She pulled away and looked at her mother. "You changed out of your jeans and tshirt."

"I did," Shelby said smoothing out her slacks.

"Why?"

"Rachel, I need to talk to you about something."

"...Is it about what you're doing this afternoon?" Shelby looked at her surprised, prompting her to go on. "Noah's showering. And he's taking longer than a minute. He only did that before court last time too."

Shelby nodded knowingly. "Your brother is able to dress up on occasion."

Rachel tilted her head and looked down at her hands. "I think … I think I don't want to be there," she whispered. She bit her lip. "But I'm scared that I will wish I that I had been there when I'm older."

The mother took a deep breath. "I understand that. And we can't predict what this can do for you."

"I'm scared to see him," she whispered. "I want to be brave, but I can't."

"You are though," Shelby said pulling her close again.

She swallowed. "I'm not."

"Not what?" a new voice asked.

They looked up. Quinn was leaning against the door. "Santana is helping Noah with his tie." She turned to the younger girl. "Rach, are you going to stay here with me?"

Rachel rolled her eyes weakly. "Where would I go?"

Quinn shrugged honestly. "I don't know." She gave a sigh.

"San, stop!" Noah scolded from down the hallway. "You can do my tie, not my hair."

"Guys, knock it off," Shelby scolded. She calmed and looked back at the girls. "It's okay that you don't want to come. It's over in a lot of ways, but …. I want you to know it's okay to talk about it and it's okay to still feel scared about it."

"We don't want to talk about it," Quinn said quickly.

Rachel looked at Quinn and then back at her mother. "Yeah." She chewed her lip. "Well, before we don't talk about it, can I ask a question?"

Quinn rolled her eyes and looked at their mother for an answer.

"Go on," Shelby said trying to contain her smirk.

"What's the sentence? How long?"

"That's what they're going to find out, bug," Quinn said with an eye roll.

"Oh," she said. "But what are the options?"

"Long time or very long time," Quinn replied quickly.

Shelby smiled. "Yes, he was found guilty, Rach. So he will be serving a minimum of twenty years."

She watched the girls take in the information, knowing both of them were trying to imagine their realities in twenty years.

"I don't want to be there," Rachel said.

"You don't have to be," Quinn told her. She looked at her mother briefly and then looked away again. "I don't want to go either."

"Will you be gone a long time?" Rachel asked.

Shelby shrugged. "It's hard to tell, but we'll be back in time for dinner."

Another awkward silence settled on them again.

"What are you going to do while I'm gone?"

"What can we do?" Quinn scoffed.

"Well," Shelby said with a heavy sigh. "You can go out if you wish."

"What?" the girls asked in surprise.

"You're not grounded."

"Technically, I haven't been for awhile," Rachel said. "But… I still thought we couldn't leave."

Quinn frowned. "Since when….." She trailed off. "Not like I would want to go anywhere…"

"Well, you can if you wish. I think it would be good for you girls to get out. You can invite someone over. Any friends…"

"We don't have any friends," Rachel said.

Quinn tilted her head about to protest, but remained quiet.

"You have friends," Shelby smiled to herself. "Rach, you have Kurt. Quinn, you have Britts…..but if you want to stay in, why not rent a movie?...Or watch something on tv. Something appropriate," she said eyeing, Quinn. "Or maybe have Joey take you bowling."

"I hate bowling," Quinn said.

"Me too, especially, without the bumpers," Rachel said. "And you have to wear other people's shoes."

"Okay," Shelby said with an eye roll. "How about the book store?"

Both of the girls instantly perked up.

"Really?" Quinn asked trying to contain her excitement subtly.

"Really," Shelby said, barely recognizing the excitement on her children's faces. It had been so long since she had seen it. "Joey will take you."

"I'll what?" Joey asked as she stopped in the hallway.

"Take us to Barnes and Noble," Rachel breathed with a smile.

"Perfect," she grinned. "I need me some coffee."

"What are you talking about?" Santana asked leaning against the door frame. She was dressed in a simple pencil skirt and cardigan.

"You look different," Quinn said more to herself than Santana with an frown. She wasn't used to so seeing Santana look like a person.

"You look nice," Rachel said.

"How about me?" Noah asked as he pulled on his jacket.

"You look really different," Quinn said with an even deeper frown. "Why do you have to dress up?"

"Because normally we look like thugs," Noah said.

"You don't," Shelby said with an eye roll. "We should go."

"Yes, coffee," Joey said.

"You can go too, but we should go," Shelby said as she stood up.

"Where are you going?" Santana asked.

"The bookstore," Rachel smiled.

"Oh," she nodded. "Be careful."

"Do you want anything?"

Santana shook her head. "I'm good." Rachel looked up at Santana for a second and then looked down at her hands. "What?"

"Um…." she said as she chewed her lip. "Thanks…"

"For what?" Santana asked as she looked down at her.

"For going today…"

Santana leaned down and kissed her on her forehead. "Don't thank me."

"Let's go, guys," Shelby said guiding them down the hallway.

Rachel pulled on Santana's arm as the rest of the family went down the stairs. Santana looked down at her expectantly.

"You don't have to go," Rachel whispered.

Santana sighed and leaned down to be at Rachel's level. "I want to."

"But why?"

"Because," Santana said standing up and tucking a stray piece of Rachel's hair behind her ears. "I want to see him."

"Why?"

"Because I need to," Santana said.

"Do I?"

"No," Santana replied quickly.

"Why not?"

Santana sighed again and sat down on the top step and pulled Rachel down next to her. "Rachel, I want to go."

"I want to come with you," Rachel said.

"Because you want to be there or because you want to keep me company?"

Rachel chewed her lip. "I'm not sure."

"Go to the bookstore and have Aunt Joey buy me something good," she winked.

"You're not upset that I'm not going with you?"

"No," she said quietly. "It's important to know when to say you don't want to do something, Rach."

She gave a gentle nod and looked at her hands.

"You ready?" Shelby asked from the bottom of the stairs.

Santana looked up and nodded.

….

Rachel ran her hand down the row of books.

"What are you doing?" Quinn asked with a frown a few feet away as she looked up from a book jacket that she was reading.

Rachel shrugged.

Quinn frowned. "You can go over to another section if you want to…."

She shook her head. "No, I'm good."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "What's your problem?"

Rachel shook her head. "I don't have one."

Quinn rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the books. She realized that she didn't have most of her books that she coveted most from her childhood. Out of all of the things that she wanted from there she had forgotten her books. Maybe it was because in those moments she didn't want to think about that time in her life.

"What are you going to get?"

Quinn gave a small sigh. She had forgotten her clingy sidekick.

"I don't know yet," she replied after a moment. "You might find books that you're more interested over there."

"You want me to leave you alone huh?"

Quinn rolled eyes knowing how overwhelmed Rachel was but how hard she was trying to conceal it. "You can hang out with me, but you and I both know that the books you want to read aren't in this section."

Rachel sighed. Quinn was right.

"And you know that Joey isn't going to be getting coffee forever," Quinn added.

"She's distracted by celebrity gossip," Rachel said with a roll of her eyes. She looked behind her at the books before her. Quinn's taste was similar to hers but Rachel liked reading classics. It was if they had secrets that she needed to uncover. She also liked reading books about history. Biographies, specifically. Quinn loved stories. Rachel had this strange fantasy with people's realities. She never attempted to explain it before, but Quinn knew her unique liking to the genre. It was a reminder that the world is less scary. Rachel always needed that.

She chewed her bottom lip and looked over at the section she wanted to read.

"I'll be right here," Quinn said quietly as she didn't look up from her magazine.

Rachel nodded and walked stealthily over to the section. She looked over her shoulder as she turned the corner and Quinn disappeared from her line of sight. She ran her fingers along the shelf carefully. She wasn't looking for a particular person she was just looking for something, someone else's life to connect her with the world. Her eyes shifted to the shelf next to her that was titled "Celebrity Biographies."

She frowned at the small section that focused on stars like Bernadette Peters and Kristin Chenoweth and then she stopped.

She frowned. She knew the person on the book cover but not how she should. She reached up on her tip toes and pulled the book down from the shelf.

"_Falling Up: Loving Leroy Corcoran_ by Hiram Irving," Rachel whispered to herself. She turned the book over and looked at the jacket. The book had a ten year anniversary seal on it. She glanced down at one of the more recent reviews.

"Irving offers a unique perspective and insight that hasn't been seen before. This answers many questions quietly. For then first time writer, Irving is able to successfully catch a reader."

Rachel sighed. She hadn't known that he had been a writer. She opened the cover and looked at the jacket. Hiram's face stared back at her. That wasn't how she remembered him. The middle of the book had inserts of different textures. She opened to them. She grinned, pictures. There was a picture of Shelby with a swollen belly with Leroy and a younger Santana and Noah.

"The family before I met Leroy," the caption said.

"What did you find?" Quinn asked coming up behind her. Before Rachel could conceal the book, Quinn grabbed it out of her hands. She was prepared to make fun of the tiny girl but her face fell slightly. "Rach…."

"What?" Rachel almost whined as she reached up and tried to take the book back. Quinn scoffed and continued to hold the book higher. "Give it back."

"No," she said pushing Rachel lightly away from her. "Why do you want to read this?"

"Because," Rachel said. Quinn rolled her eyes and flipped the book over to read the back. "I don't know anything….." She looked at her hands and wrung out her fingers before looking up after a few seconds. "No one ever talks about it… About him…. There are pictures in there that I've never seen in there!..." She gave a soft shrug. "How else will I find out?"

Quinn tried to school her face. She wasn't going to give in that quickly.

"Go ask for money," she said dryly.

"You're getting it for me?" She lit up.

Quinn arched her brow. "I didn't say that." She frowned. "You shouldn't be reading it. You know you shouldn't be."

"I don't know anything about my dad, Quinn" Rachel whined.

"Don't whine," Quinn scolded.

"Santana never talks about him and Noah won't really either." She sighed. "And I'm afraid to ask Mom about him because she gets so sad when I do ask." She looked at her pleadingly. "Please, Quinn. Please!"

Quinn looked at her for a few moments. She knew that Rachel's words were right, but she knew that Santana would kill her. She shrugged internally, perhaps that was a benefit rather than a con.

"Go ask Joey for money. Tell her that we need enough for both of our books. I'm buying one too," she said as she flipped through the pages.

"Is that a yes?" Rachel asked with an excite clap.

"No," Quinn said. "Go get money."

Rachel smiled knowing the answer. "Okay, be right back! Don't move! I don't want to lose you."

Quinn watched her skip off without a care. She thumbed to the back of the book. It was released almost eleven years ago. It was before everything happened. No one had ever talked about the book before, but they didn't really discuss anything.

Rachel practically knocked her over when she stopped in front of her with a wad of cash. Quinn beamed quietly, knowing that Rachel hadn't even noticed the steps she was taking.

"I'm going to keep it in my room," Quinn said. She watched Rachel's face fall slightly. "We'll read it together okay?"

"Why?" she asked.

"Because there's no need for you to do it alone," she said simply. "Plus I'm curious too."

Rachel nodded. "We can't tell San, right?"

Quinn arched her brow. "What do you think?"

She nodded. "What do you think they're hearing right now?"

"What do you mean?"

"At the courthouse," Rachel said quietly.

Quinn shrugged and looked at her hands. "I don't know…. And I don't really care."

Rachel looked up at her quietly. "Why not?"

"I just don't, Rach," Quinn said with a sigh.

"You don't feel anything at all?" Rachel asked after a few moments.

"I don't know, Rach," Quinn said with a sigh.

"Don't be mad," she mumbled.

"I'm not," the blonde replied trying to suddenly be interested in a biography about Hillary Clinton. "We don't have to talk about everything all the time, Rach."

"But we don't," she muttered. "We never do."

Quinn threw Hillary back on the shelf and turned to the younger girl. "What do you want me to say, Rach?"

"I want you to tell me the truth," she said straightening her posture.

"About what?"

"Everything," she said simply.

"Why?" Quinn asked heavily.

"So that I better understand it all," Rachel replied carefully.

She sighed as she searched the girl's eyes. "I feel as if you have a lot of gaps that need to be filled and the thing is Rach, I don't. It's all there. I remember all of it…. And sometimes, I just need to pretend that that's not my life sometimes."

"You pretend that everything's fine?"

Quinn shrugged. "I guess so."

"Why?"

"Sometimes I can only take reality in small doses because it's just too much," she said to her hands.

"Should I do that too?" Rachel asked honestly. "Does it make things better?"

Quinn looked at her for a moment wondering how her answer would shape the girl's future. She was always wondering what the girl would remember. Rachel was one of those kids that dissected everything you said.

She licked her lips nervously and chewed her bottom lip. "Listen, Rach," she said carefully. "Shit happens."

"I know that," she said quickly. "And don't swear."

"Just listen for a sec," Quinn said. "I'm trying to say something." She exhaled heavily.

"Say it," Rachel encouraged.

Quinn put her hand over the young girl's mouth. "You're killing me here," she said seriously but smiled after a second. She lowered her hand. "Rachel, life is innately hard and you and I ….. You've been through a lot and I….. Our lives aren't normal. Maybe we never will be. Sometimes though the only way you can get to the other side is pretend. Some people are brave and face things head on and others can only be brave by taking it all in small doses. It's almost as if you take it all at once you….." She trailed off.

"You drown," Rachel finished. "But …. Trying to forget it really isn't good either, Quinn, because look at San. I dont want you getting angry and mad all the time"

Quinn nodded. "Yeah." She smirked. "You think I'm like her?"

Rachel shrugged. "Maybe not as explosive but explosive enough." She chewed her lip again. "I can't think about what's happening there because I'm scared."

"It's okay to be scared," Quinn said. She sighed. "I'm scared all of the time."

"You are?"

"We will get through this, Rach," she whispered. "I promise."

"I don't want to look back in another eight years and wishing I had information that I could get but didn't," Rachel said with a sigh.

"Rachel, you're not old and we'll find you the answers you're looking for," Quinn assured.

"It'll just take time," Rachel nodded.

Quinn agreed. "It'll just take time." She ran her hand over Rachel's hair. "Rachel, we can get caught in what happened or we can move forward. I think we can move forward. We just have to try. Name five things we can do to move forward."

"What do you mean?"

"Just stuff…" Quinn said as she searched for her words. "Just stuff that doesn't make us keep…. being stuck, I guess."

"Um….. we can leave the house more," Rachel said casually.

Quinn scoffed. "What a novel idea."

"I just have become so comfortable there. I enjoy the house," Rachel said.

"I know you do," She said with a roll of her eyes.

"You should do something…." Rachel said trying her best not to sound rude, but unsure how to go about it. "Like other than being a hermit."

"Excuse you?" she chuckled.

"I just mean…. when I used to watch San's practices you were always talking with the other girls or even the boys on the football team and …. you were the Head Bitch In Charge…. and now you're….. you're not."

Quinn pretended to look offended but also let Rachel's words sink in. She was playing a part before. She frowned. She had no idea who she was or who she wanted to be. Before she just survived. Maybe Rachel was right. She should invest more effort into being who she wanted to be.

"I dont know what I want to be," she said honestly. "I haven't had a chance to figure it out. And …. I'm kinda scared about what I'll find out."

"Well, maybe that's why you have to let yourself do it," Rachel shrugged.

"Well, aren't you full of advice," Quinn said with a roll of her eyes.

"I'm serious," she murmured. She stared down at the book cover with her father's picture on it.

"Well," Quinn began. "I might try take up art again or something."

"You don't want to go back to Cheerios?"

Quinn frowned as she collapsed into one of the comfy chairs. She didn't even want to back to school at all. She could only shrug. "I need a change."

"You already have a tattoo," Rachel said sitting on the arm of the chair. "What are you going to do now? Dye your hair pink?"

Quinn arched her brow. "Not a bad idea."

"I'm kidding," Rachel said dryly.

"I'm just going to say this once, Rach," Quinn said. The younger girl prepared herself for some lecture or another about being okay with dyed hair. "I know that a lot has happened but I think you should try to go back to doing the things you used to love. I know that…. he made you not feel safe doing them but…. I just think you should try again."

Rachel's face changed for a moment. She stared down at her hands and caught a glimpse of her father staring back at her. She half shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe," she mumbled.

"Jesus, what are you girls doing?" Joey asked with her hands on her hips. "Rach came and asked me for money forever ago and you're resting on your way to the check out?"

"Yeah, so?" Quinn shrugged. "What's the hurry? Other than you're bored."

"Hey now," Joey said. "Watch it." She pointed at the pile of books. "You know this is a bookstore where you buy the books not read them in the store."

"Then why do they have a coffeeshop, WiFi, and comfy chairs? I feel like they're putting off mixed signals," Rachel pointed out.

"Come on, smarty pants," Joey said. "Do you still want that shake?" Rachel nodded rapidly. Joey turned back to Quinn. "You got this, Q?"

"Pretty sure I can check out a few books," the blonde scoffeed.

"Really? You sure? Pretty sure you have stolen cars and managed to get yourself a tattoo," Joey jeered. She saw Quinn deflate slightly. Maybe it was too soon. "I'm kidding. Go check out the books. Do I need to make sure they're appropriate?" Quinn gave her a look of death. Joey held her hands up defensively. "Okay! Okay! Go check out and maybe if you're lucky, I'll get you a Frappachino."

"I don't wa-"

"Too bad, you're getting one," Joey said with a smile as she led Rachel to the coffee shop.

Quinn stood quietly in line and looked down at the pile of books. _Alice In Wonderland, Falling Up: Loving Leroy Corcoran-_She scoffed and almost shuddered as she basked in the most likely unintentional parallels between Shel Silverstein's Falling Up and the reality that was Leroy Corcoran's legacy. She frowned at the other book that Rachel had grabbed. _Gene Kelly: A Life of Dance and Dreams_. And finally the last book she had grabbed, _Gone Girl_. That wasn't going to be an easy ready but she had heard it was good. It didn't matter if it was scary. She slept with an eleven year old that kicked and her sixteen year old sister who hogged the bed and attached onto them like a sloth.

"Next," the checkout lady called and Quinn walked forward.

…..

Santana swallowed as she looked around the courtroom. She wasn't sure what she expected but she knew that this wasn't it.

"You okay?" Shelby asked as she patted Santana's leg.

The girl looked up and gave a stiff nod. "Yeah…"

Noah licked his lips. "It's kinda hot in here," he muttered as he wiped his sweaty hands on his pants.

In his head, Noah believe that he hadn't been as affected by the man as his sisters, but in that moment all he could remember was having his hands around his neck and a knife digging into his skin. He had pushed that out of his mind until that moment but in that moment as he sat on the wooden bench of the courtroom, that was all he was thinking about.

"You're sure he's going away, Ma?" he asked.

Shelby nodded. "Yes, bud. We're just not sure for how long."

"Oh," he nodded. "He needs to go away so they don't have to worry about him at all."

Santana frowned and looked at him. "Them? I'm sitting right here."

Noah shook his head. "You know what I mean."

Santana rolled her eyes. "I really don't," she mumbled as she looked around her.

She felt so uncomfortable and it wasn't just her pencil skirt. She exhaled deeply. She needed to see him. She told herself that it was just for Rachel and Quinn, but it wasn't. She was brave enough to admit it to herself. She hadn't been able to see Hiram but Will was responsible for more of her ….. She wasn't even sure what to call it. She remember that she told what's-her-face she was put together with tape and glue. Santana knew that she hadn't always been like this, or at least as obvious as it felt now. That was Will and … .in some ways Quinn's father. It was not the men of her past but the men of her present. She bit her lip, she was lying. It was Hiram… and it was her father's early death and …. She shook her head. It was all of it. She needed closure with someone and Will seemed to be her only option.

"Santana?"

"What?" she snapped.

"I've been trying to get your attention," Noah said sheepishly.

Santana cast her eyes downward. "What?"

"I was just…. apologizing," Noah mumbled.

Santana arched her brow and glanced over at her mother who was nodding encouragingly.

"Whatever," Santana shrugged. She wasn't gazing off into space because she was upset. She wasn't sure what to expect or what to feel.

The next few moments seemed to happen in slow moment and all too fast. Santana couldn't really understand how it could be both at once, but that was how it felt. She seemed to watch in a fog as they stood for the judge. Her jaw dropped open slightly ajar as she watched as Will was lead in. He caught her eye and gave her slight wink. She leaned instinctively into her mother, who wrapped her arm around her. She felt her mother lead her to sit down.

"Do you have anything to say, Mr. Schuester?" the judge asked after she took a moment to glance at the paperwork in front of her. She took off her glasses and glanced at the man.

"Your honor, I am very sorry for what these girls think happened to them, but I did not do anything but be nice to them and befriend them. Because of who they are and what happened to them in the past they mistook my kind jesters and-" Will began.

The judge held up her hand. "I'm going to stop you there. You have already been found guilty, Mr. Schuester. I am not asking you to try to begin your appeal. I'm asking if you have thing you want to say that will perhaps influence your sentencing, but I see that you have yet to accept that you've done anything wrong."

"I haven't, your honor," he said quickly.

She shook her head. "You have been convicted with a sexually violent predator specification, then the sentences would be served consecutively. With all of the girls that testified against you and you were found guilty by the jury…"

Santana couldn't really concentrate on all of the words of the judge. All she could think about was what this man had put her sisters through and the other girls she knew. All she could think about was how many times the girls sobbed and screamed and no one was there to help them. She remembered that she had been outside waving her stupid pom poms when their worlds were crumbling.

The gavel banged bringing her back into reality. As soon as he was there, Will was being led out.

"What… What happened?" she asked shaking her head in confusion.

"It's over," Noah said as he stood up.

"What?" Santana asked as she looked frantically at her mother. "What do you mean that it's over?"

"He was sentenced for thirty three years and he's not eligible for parole until after he serves his first twenty," Shelby said gently.

Santana shook her head. "I dont know what kind of justice I'm looking for," she mumbled. She shook her head. "This is …. this isn't what I expected." She looked at her mother and brother and then back down at her hands. "I don't feel any different."

Noah looked as his mother with a frown. "What do you mean? We knew what was going to happen today…."

"No," Santana said as she tried to fight the tears that were coming to her eyes. "No… I didn't .I didn't know because I thought… I thought," she put her and do her chest to try to calm down. "I thought that I would feel better. I thought that this would be over." She looked at her mother. "What's going on? Am I going…Am I going to feel this way forever?" She wiped her eyes vigorously with the back of her hand.

Santana chewed her lip and pushed herself to standing, cursing her pencil skirt as she walked ahead into the hallway. She couldn't shake this feeling of disappointment. It felt that so much had built up to this moment. Where was her relief? So much had happened and built and then it just seemed to fizzle ut because she couldn't concentrate on a short sentencing.

"Santana?"

She stared at the floor as she felt her vision blur again. Her gaze snapped up at her mother. "I want to talk to Gretchen. And I want to talk to her now!" she said almost too aggressively.

She didn't even know if she liked the woman but she knew that no one would be able to provide her answers that Santana would take seriously except for that woman. Santana wasn't sure how her mother did it. She honestly never knew how her mother did anything, but she always did. An hour later she was sitting across from Gretchen. She couldn't figure out why she was so caught in her head, but she was. She stuck, again.

"Hi, Santana," Gretchen said.

"I never thought I would be one to ask to see you," she whispered. "So…. thanks…. for showing up."

"What happened today?"

Santana frowned trying to put it into words.

"Nothing," she said quietly. "I need you to explain it to me."

"Explain why nothing happened?" Gretchen asked.

Santana nodded. "This was the one thing." She hit the palms of her hands on her thighs. "The _one _thing that I could look forward to that had an end. And …. and I felt nothing." she looked up at the woman. "Why is that?"

"What were you expecting?"

Santana swallowed visibly as she thought for a second. "... To feel better like… things were closed and finished."

Gretchen nodded in understanding. "Why do you feel that you needed that?"

Santana blinked for a bit. "Because …. Well, it's the first time I've really had that…. At least for something big like this."

"What do you mean?"

"Everything else has just happened…." Santana folded her arms and leaned back in her seat. "And I was either too late or …. something else had happened. I don't know." She shook her head. "It's hard to explain."

"I believe you made a lot more steps today than you realized," Gretchen offered. "One of which was coming to see me." She arched her brow. "Willingly. Santana, you're reaching out for help in a way that you never did before. I expect that a few months ago you would have tried to suffocate those feelings on your own. You're actively looking for answers and more importantly openly requesting help."

Santana shrugged. "Why do I feel this way?"

"What way?"

"That everything is so unfinished," she said.

"Because it is," Gretchen offered. "What's the one thing that you feel that you can never get back?"

"Why?" she asked skeptically. 

"Because we're going to attempt to get that back for you," Gretchen said leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. "If you'll let me help you."

Santana looked at her, searching her eyes for trickery in the name of psychology. She would test her. "My dad's funeral," she said with strength at first but then felt her eyes water at the reality of her statement. She looked away. "I … I never said goodbye. I just…. I missed all of it."

"Then let's say goodbye," Grethen offered.

"What?" Santana frowned. "You're kidding. I can't fly to New York."

"You don't have to physically be there to say goodbye," she said.

"But that's the point that I wasn't there before," she said with a groan.

"I thought the point was that you weren't able to say goodbye?" she challenged. "Listen, there are several ways to say goodbye, Santana. And you don't have to stop saying goodbye. I lost someone close to be once. I wasn't able to be there for the service and but I took a moment on the day when they put my friend in the ground and I just…. mourned. And now every year on that day I take a moment and remember her. I think about her often more than just that day, but …. There's something about finding a sacred space, within your community and within yourself to celebrate that person and say goodbye."

"...Oh," Santana said after a few moments. "My dad's buried on a hill...I did go there once before we moved to Ohio but…. I didn't know what to do…. You know?"

"Well, then let's talk about it," Gretchen offered.

"Why?" Santana snapped more harshly than she intended. "I mean what do you think it would help?"

"What do you think it would hurt?"

"My family doesn't want to do this," she said.

"How do you know?" Gretchen said. "And also, they don't have to. It can be something you can do on your own."

Santana frowned. She realized that she wanted them there. She just wasn't sure how to ask.

"Let's talk this out, Santana," Gretchen offered.

The girl frowned skeptically. "How do you know this will help?"

"How do you know it won't?" Gretchen asked.

"... Fine," she whispered.

….

Rachel lay on her stomach in her room kicking her feet back and forth as she pressed play again on the iPad. At one point she hated that her siblings were always on it, but now she was grateful that they were out doing something else. Noah was grateful to be out and about again, but after an hour of hanging out with the guys at the local burger joint, Noah just brought them back to the house and were playing street hockey on roller blades out back. Santana had been meeting with their mother in the study. Quinn was not being subtle at all in eavesdropping so they just invited her in.

She kept watching and rewatching her parents' perform. From the book, Quinn bought her she had discovered that her parents met on a Broadway Show, a revival of a chorus line. She hadn't realized that her father was a dancer as well as musician. He has acted as a consultant for choreography and music. There were videos posted of her father and mother during rehearsals.

A message popped up on the side of the screen. "Hey, you," it said.

Rachel frowned and clicked on the message. "Brittany Pierce." It was labeled.

"Hi." Rachel replied.

"How R U?"

"Fine," Rachel wrote shaking her head at Brittany's message. Why couldn't she just type it out.

"R U mad?" Brittany asked

"No…" Rachel typed.

"Waz w. the '...'"

"Brittany, 'waz' is not a word," Rachel typed.

"Rachel?" the message asked after a pause.

"What?" Rachel asked out loud as she sent the iMessage.

"Why are you on, Santana's iMessage?"

Rachel shrugged unconsciously. "Because she left it on," she answered.

Brittany didn't respond for a few minutes and then an invitation for video chat popped up on Rachel's screen. BRittany was calling. Rachel accepted it with a curious frown.

"Hello?" she asked. Rachel say her face appear first. Rachel smiled further when Brittany's face popped up.

"Rachel," she said with a sigh and a smile. "San is going to be upset that you're logged on. Has anyone else messaged you?"

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know. I dont think so."

"What are you up to? Where's the family?"

The girl shrugged again. "They're in a meeting. Well…. Noah is outside playing street hockey and San and Quinn are in a meeting." She lit up with a thought. "You should come play with me! I want to show you something."

A smile graced Brittany's face. "I'm glad you're feeling better, Rach."

"I wasn't sick," Rachel frowned. "I was just….. I was stuck in my head. But I want you to come over. I dont know if I showed you what Noah made for me. I want to do things today….. It's a new day…. New Beginnings!"

"Yeah?" Brittany asked as her face echoed that she was thinking something else.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked, trying to shake her own feelings that were exploding at the seams in all directions. She was riding the wave of the emotional rollercoaster of this day.

"What? Nothing…." Brittany said forcing a smile.

"You're making a face," Rachel pointed out.

"I just haven't seen Santana in a long time," Brittany said quietly.

"Well, maybe she'll want to see you," Rachel said quickly. "Unless you're fighting. Are you?"

Brittany paused. She wasn't even sure. "Tell me about what you want to show me."

"My brother made me a studio and I want you to see it," she said. "Not much to say." Brittany nodded and opened her mouth to say something. "Well! I do want you to teach me that dance that the older girls did last year…. the one from _A Chorus Line_."

Brittany's mouth opened slightly in shock. "...Really?"

Rachel nodded vigorously. "I can change and you can change and can you come over? … Now?"

Brittany chuckled. "I'll have to tell my parents…. but-"

"Santana won't mind," Rachel said quickly. "You're coming over as my friend."

Brittany rolled her eyes. She knew that this was a lot bigger than either of them could put into words. Rachel was asking to dance again. Santana would want that even if she wasn't her favorite person at the moment. She shook her head because she wasn't even sure why they were at odds. However, Santana has specifically told her not to contact her or come to the house. Brittany reconsidered, but that was also when Rachel wasn't speaking. So much has changed. Brittany took a deep breath. Maybe Santana had too.

"Okay," Brittany said. "Give me twenty minutes."

Rachel smiled. "Okay."

Rachel was downstairs and waiting at the front door. She didn't want Brittany to ring the doorbell and attract attention.

"Rach?" she looked over her shoulder to see her aunt pulling her coat on. "I have to run back to my house and grab Charlie. Do you want to come?"

"No, thank you," Rachel said politied.

"Okay, I texted your mother. Make sure to remind her though, okay?" The girl nodded. She paused looking at her. "are you going down to the basement? Did you change?" Rachel just nodded. "You sure you don't want to come with me?"

"I'm okay," Rachel said.

"Alright," Joey said with a frown. "But call me if you need anything."

"I will," she replied and was soon waving to the woman as she backed down the driveway around the hockey playing boys.

She returned her attention back to the window. She didn't have to wait long before she saw Brittany walking from down the street and she gave a little skip as she snuck quietly out the door. Before she could reach her, the older blonde has stopped and talked to the boys.

"What are you doing here?" Noah asked pulling off his helmet.

"Rach invited me," she said with a shrug as she nodded in Sam an Mike's direction. "What's up, guys?"

"Wanna play some hockey, B?" Sam asked.

She shook her head. "Thanks, but Rachel and I have a date."

"Doing what?" Noah asked as he took a drink of water and glancing down at Rachel who was hovering slightly behind Brittany.

Rachel shrugged and just took Brittany's hand. "Come on," she said.

Noah nodded in their direction with a curious shrug. Rachel took her hand and led Brittany down to the basement. Brittany's eyes widened in awe. "Whoa, Rach! This is awesome!"

"Noah did it," she said with quiet gratitude and pride. "Isn't it great?"

Brittany nodded. It's pretty great. She gave Rachel a wink. "I didn't think it would come out this well?"

She tipped her head. "What?"

"He asked me to help him. He didn't want me to see them though, but I drew out plans and suggestions with him," BRittany said.

"Oh…." Rachel mumbled. "So you already knew…"

Brittany nodded. "I did…. and I also know that it was finished a while ago." She looked down at the girl. "So, why did you call me over today?"

Rachel chewed her lip. "... Um….. I received a new book today….. you can't tell Santana, though." She reached out her pinky. "You have to pinky swear before I continue." Brittany conceded. Once that swearing of pinkies was finished, Rachel continued. "I …. It's called _Falling Up_… which ironically serves as parallels whether purposeful or not to Shel Silverstein's poem…. but anyway…. My daddy was a musician but he was also a dancer. Did you know that?"

Brittany tamed her chuckle. "I didn't know that but I had heard that."

"Well, my mumma and him met during a revival of A Chorus Line and…. well…. I've been watching videos of old performances and I ….. I remember that … that you and the other older girls taught a dance based off of one of the key dances…. but …..um…." She chewed her lip again.

Brittany lowered her eyes to the girl's level. "Take your time, Rach."

Rachel gave a shrug. "I …. um…." She looked around the room and then back at Brittany. "I want to but… I'm nervous but I …. I don't want to do it with anyone but you….. Dance I mean… so…. will you? Dance with me?"

Brittany smiled wide. She started to speak but then paused.

"Well, I think," Rachel interrupted Brittany's thought process. "I … I don't know a lot about my dad, but I just… Can you teach me this? Or can you show me?... You're the only person besides Quinn who doesn't treat me differently… but I don't think she knows the dance…. but I…. I haven't done this in a really long time and I …. I miss it but I … it hurts too… but I …. I dont want to try it and then fail…. with them, you know?... I mean I don't want to fail with you either I just….. Can we do dance together? Can you make it so I don't feel scared anymore about this? I want to feel about this before….before everything happened."

Brittany leaned down and took Rachel's hand. "Listen to me," she smiled. "Everything aside, including my absolute adoration of you, you are one of the most gifted performers and technically sound dancers I know, but you shouldn't be for everyone besides you. So today we'll play around with this dance but I will follow your lead. And you need to listen to you. So when you're ready to stop, you tell me, okay?"

Rachel paused and searched Brittany's eyes for any lies or falseness. She gave a curt nodded. "Okay."

….

Quinn frowned as she let the words soak in.

"Do you have something to ask, Quinn?" Gretchen asked.

The blond's head shot up. "No….."

"Your face says otherwise," Gretchen said.

Quinn looked over at Santana. "I ….. You know I will stand by you for whatever you need but…." She shook her head. "Nevermind."

"No, go on, Q-bear," Shelby encouraged.

Quinn gave a single shrug and picked at her cuticles. "I just…. After today…. today when he….. you want… I mean … you need to do this?"

"When would be a better time?" Gretchen asked.

Quinn shrugged again. She locked eyes with Santana. "You know I'll be there for you, but I just don't see how this will help you with …. the man you put away today."

Santana sighed. "I didn't do anything today. That's the point. He …. he mattered to me, but at the same time he didn't. He didn't … make any difference in my unresolved life."

"Quinn, are you searching for a type of closure?" Gretchen asked.

She narrowed her eyes defensively. "I was eavesdropping on San's session. I do _not_ know how this became our session," she spat. She sighed and looked at Santana again. "Let's just focus on you, okay?"

"Well, we can make this your session too. Please, share your feelings with the group" Santana offered but her voice was more mocking than realistic. Shelby gave her a look. Santana continued more seriously. "You don't have to do this with me."

"I want to," Quinn replied. "You stood by me. So I will stand by you as you pollute the environment."

Santana frowned. "Thanks, Rach," she mocked.

Gretchen looked at Shelby for an explanation. "Just let them banter. It's what they do," the mother offered. "Do you want to invite Rach and Noah?"

Santana shrugged. "I didn't even know if I was going to ask Quinn, but she butted in, per usual," she muttered the end of the statement with an eyeroll.

"Hey, now," Quinn replied. "It's not like you don't butt into every conversation that involves me! pretty sure you acted like you had a medical degree at one point."

"I do," Santana replied immediately. "It's honorary from Grey's Anatomy, Criminal Minds and Dexter. Someone has to take care of your scrawny ass."

"What kind of degree is that? General surgeon with a side of behavioral analysis and blood spatter?" Quinn argued.

"Okay, enough," Shelby said putting her hands up.

"I think I owe it to them to ask," Santana said after a moment. She shrugged as she tried to tame her feelings of feeling silly. She didn't want to come off as being an after school special. "I'll ask them." She looked at Gretchen. "Are we done? Do you have to be a part of that?"

"If you want me to," Santana shrugged. "You can hang around…."

Santana moved out of the study, trying to find her words with every step. She felt as if her request would be a lot to ask. She stopped mid step as music met her ears.

"What's that?"

Santana didn't realize that her mother was almost sure of what it was. Instead, she turned toward the noise and walked quietly down the stairs. A familiar voice met her ears. 

"Chaines step, pas de bourree. Turn turn, walk and walk," the voice said in a rhythm. "Good job! Rach, make sure you're changing your spot on time for your double turn."

Brittany continued to count as she subtly mirrored Rachel's moments. Santana watched as Rachel moved across the floor as she did the combination.

"Better!" Brittany clapped in triumph. "See, Rach? The turn is easier if you spot! Good job! Again!"

Santana slowly moved down the stairs. She paused, baffled by the sight before her. Brittany demonstrated another move. She clapped her hands as Rachel moved across the floor.

A creak on the stairs, caused both girls to look up.

"Santana!" Rachel smirked as she put her hands on her hips as she caught her breath. "Brittany's teaching me a new dance."

Santana gave a slow nod. "Yeah…. I see that…" She locked eyes with Brittany and felt her breath catch in her throat. She nodded rapidly as if she were agreeing to something. "Um…How long have you guys been working on this?"

Rachel shrugged. "Long time? I don't know," she said. "Are you finished with what you're talking about?" Santana could only nod. "Well…. wanna see my dance?"

Santana gave a weak smile and nodded again. "Sure."

Rachel danced as Brittany helped her keep time. Santana smiled. It almost as if she hasn't stopped. Santana didn't notice any faults in her movements. Despite the exhaustion and the turmoil her body and mind had been through, the eleven year old was able to make it almost seem effortless. It was as if her body was able to mold to the music with a tranquil balance of aggressive skill and cultivated passion.

When she finished, a half sob and half sigh of relief echoed throughout the finished basement. They turned and Shelby was at making her way down the basement steps with a look of relief .

"That was beautiful," she smiled, pulling Rachel into a hug.

"Thanks," Rachel said breathlessly. She put her hands on her hips. "We have a lot to work on though. I'm a quarter of a beat late on some of the turns.

"You are doing fantastically, especially since it's been so long." Brittany beamed though her smile faded slightly when her eyes met Santana's again.

"It hasn't been that long," Rachel said quickly, but her smile faded slightly. "Oh… maybe it has…."

"It looks to be that you're making a big step," Gretchen said from next to Quinn who stood at the top of the stairs.

"Thanks," Rachel mumbled. She hadn't thought about the significance of it as much as she thought about doing it.

"You said, you've been dancing for an hour?" Shelby asked. Rachel nodded putting her hands back on her hips as her breath caught up with her. 'I think that's enough for today, but perhaps you can work on your routine tomorrow. You and Quinn just left the hospital. We don't want you to push yourselves too hard."

"Darn, I was thinking about running my daily marathon in a hot second," Quinn retorted. "You ruined it for us all."

"You're especially snarky today," Shelby said with a chuckle and a roll of her eyes, leading Rachel up. "Come on upstairs, girls."

Quinn sighed and made her way up the stairs and glanced over her shoulder at Brittany and Santana who were still looking at each other. "Stop glaring at each other and come upstairs."

"We're not glaring," Santana muttered as she went up the stairs and disappeared into the kitchen.

Brittany almost frantically grabbed at her things. "I should go," she mumbled.

Quinn tilted her head to the side. "You know how Santana is, B," she encouraged.

Brittany just shook her head. "I should go." She hurried up the stairs and stopped at the top. "I'm really proud of Rachel …. Can you tell her I had to head out?"

Quinn offered a quick shrug. "Sure, but you should tell her."

Brittany just shook her head and headed out of the room hurriedly. "Thank you! See you!" she said hurriedly, exchanging a quick look with Santana before heading out the door.

Rachel watched after her in surprise. She waved half heartedly after her. "Bye, Britt! Thank you for coming!" She turned back to Santana and glanced between her and Gretchen.

Noah had walked in the door as he wiped his sweat off of his brow. Sam and Mike had gone home. There appeared to be an elephant in the room.

"What are we doing?" Rachel asked.

Gretchen and Shelby looked to Santana, who shifted from one foot to another.

"I … I … I want to do something…." Santana began.

"Okay," Noah shrugged as he threw a handful of cereal in his mouth. "I'm in."

Santana sighed nervously and gave a scoff. "You didn't even hear what I had to say."

He shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I'm in."

Santana glanced over at Quinn, her eyes caught Brittany making her way down the driveway from the kitchen window.

"We want to have a ceremony," Quinn began.

"You're doing it too?" Rachel asked.

Quinn nodded. "Sometimes….. sometimes we don't get a chance to say goodbye when we need to and …. we're going to do it now."

"To who?" Rachel asked.

"Dad," Santana mumbled. She straightened. "I know this might seem like this is out of no where… but…. I've never…. I haven't been able to say goodbye, and I need to and I would…. like to… and I'm just saying that you're welcome to … to say goodbye with me."

Rachel frowned and looked at her sister. "How?"

"There are a few things that we can do," Gretchen said gently. "You can write something. You can perform something. Santana, do you want to talk about what you're doing?"

Santana half rolled her eyes. "It was Gretchen's idea… she did it with another client…..I'm going to say something real quickly and … attach a longer message to a balloon and let it go…"

Rachel opened her mouth and Quinn reached out and put her hand over her mouth. Rachel glared up at her blonde sister. "I want to too…. minus the balloon."

Santana rolled her eyes but gave a weak nod. She glanced over at Noah who gave her a pensive nod. "Of course, we'll do it with you."

"I'm going to work on it right now," Rachel said as the group broke up. She reached the top of the stairs when she felt someone reguide her toward Quinn's room. She looked up curiously at her sister. "Where are we going?"

"Hush, hush," Quinn said as they went in. Once the door was shut she turned to her. "So…..What was up with that this afternoon?"

"What?"

"You invited Britt over…"

"She's my friend…." Rachel said not getting it.

Quinn sighed realizing that the complexities of Santana and Brittany's relationship had not been shared with her.

"Rach, you shouldn't have done that." Once she said it she regretted it as Rachel's face fell. "I mean…. you … it's complicated. You're amazing dancer and I was so proud to see you dancing."

"Thanks," she muttered. "Why is it so complicated/"

"They broke up," she blurted out.

"...What?" she muttered in surprise. "Why?"

"Don't tell her that I told you," Quinn said… "It's complicated… Rach."

"Can't you just explain it to me?" She frowned. "No one ever tells me anything."

"No," she bit quickly. She shook her head. "Rach… I just…"

"Well, tell me why you're mad at me," Rachel demanded.

Quinn was immediately regretting this confrontation. She didn't know what she wanted out of it. In all honesty, she knew that Rachel wasn't trying to hurt Santana she just did. She saw the hurt on both of their faces. They were the only people that knew how to love each other… they were her only example, and she tried so hard to covet their feelings. However, she didn't know how to explain that to the eleven year old.

Rachel frowned. "I made a big step today," she affirmed herself. "And….. and I didn't know about Brittany and Santana but…. I've read my father loved to dance… and I … today so much has happened and I just…. how was I supposed to know."

Quinn sighed. Rachel had a point. "I know…. you didn't know. I'm sorry."

"Why are you acting like this?" Rachel asked searching Quinn's eyes.

Quinn shook her eyes. "Just forget it, Rach…. just… keep doing well."

Rachel frowned and looked at her with a tilt of her head. "You always tuck your emotions so deep down inside you. Like they're a coveted bone," Rachel pointed out.

"Are you calling me a dog?" Quinn scoffed.

"You and San both do that. It's like it's a secret that you don't want to share."

Quinn scoffed with a grin. "Your emotions drag you around like a toddler with her baby blanket." She arched her brow. "You're the blanket in this metaphor by the way."

Rachel frowned and folded her arms. "No…."

"Rach, don't be mad but you experience what you feel so…. boldly but also so … I don't know…. from the inside out."

"Well, you don't feel things at all," Rachel bit.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Don't I know it," she whispered to herself.

"I didn't mean that," Rachel said. "I'm sorry."

"Whatever," Quinn said, barely phased. "I want you to keep dancing, okay? Keep hanging out with Britt, just tell me when you're bringing her over okay? Then you and I can work together so that Santana doesn't feel…. caught off guard."

Rachel folded her arms. "I dont understand. So much happened today….. he...he went away and I ….. I didn't even know if I could dance like that anymore. and you just…. you're raining on my parade!"

Quinn scoffed. "Rach, I … I am proud of you for what you did today. I just reacted too strongly."

Rachel frowned skeptically. "I don't understand what your problem is… I never do."

She slid out of the room, more confused than when she first went in.

…

Santana looked down at the list as she pushed the grocery cart with her elbows.

"I'm surprised that she let us do this," Quinn muttered as she looked over Santana's shoulder.

"Well, she gave us a time frame and specific instructions on what to get," Santana said. "I just wanted to come and get the balloon I wanted," she mumbled.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Well, I wanted to get away for a bit," she said quietly as she pulled some pasta from the shelf.

"Only because Rachel was huffing at you for the afternoon. What did you do?"

Quinn shook her head. "Nevermind."

Santana rolled her eyes. "You'll tell me eventually. You always do."

She shook her head as they continued down the aisle, idly collecting items on the list.

"Do you feel any different?" Quinn asked as she pulled several different boxes of cereal down.

"No," Santana mumbled. "That's the problem." She looked at her. "I'm ready to move on….but I guess I'm the only one that really can make that step…."

"I guess so," she replied.

"Hey!" a warm voice said behind them.

The two turned to see a couple of their former teammates, Sophia and Kelly.

"Hi," Quinn said sheepishly.

"Come here!" Sophia said as she wrapped the two girls in a hug and Kelly followed.

"How are you? When are you coming back to school?" Kelly asked.

Sophia poked her in the ribs. Quinn couldn't hear what she whispered other than the word, "trial."

"We miss you," Sophia stated. "We have states coming up soon."

"I was in the car accident," Quinn spit out awkwardly. The girls looked at her patiently. "So … Yeah… I can't do that for awhile."

Kelly laughed. "You can just say, 'I don't want to hang out with you.' Our feelings won't be hurt."

Quinn shrugged. "Well, I don't have a spleen sooo…."

"We have been very anti social for a long time," Santana said stepping in front of Quinn. "Don't mind her. What are you doing here?"

"The girls are coming over because we're getting ready for the AP exam in calc. Clearly, we need snacks," Sophia explained.

"In all seriousness, we really do miss you two," Kelly said, Sophia nodding. "I dont know where you are in your lives… and …. even if you're coming back but…. hang out with us some time."

"We weren't just friends because we cheered," Sophia said.

"Weren't we?" Santana asked.

"We enjoyed both of you, even when you were fighting with each other,"Sophia laughed.

"But seriously, are you coming back?" Kelly asked. "Quinn, I need your glowing personality." She laughed. "And for your help with AP Calc and San, we need you to keep everyone in line."

Santana gave her sister a side glance. "We have your numbers. We can call you."

"Really, because you've haven't replied to any of our texts or emails," Sophia said with a quirk of her brow. "We were even reaching out, Quinn, when your mom passed to come and see you and we didn't get anything."

"Well… um…. My phone doesn't work anymore," Quinn muttered.

"You've become terrible at lying," Kelly smirked. She shrugged. "Listen, call us when you're ready to hang out. We'll be here."

The girls watched as their peers disappeared around the corner. Quinn was the first to sneak a glance at her sister first. "What just happened?"

Santana shook her head. "I don't know…" She chewed her lip still watching in her direction. "I do miss this… just… just not enough to … reach out and that makes me feel like shit."

Quinn shrugged. "I guess."

Santana turned to her in surprise. "You don't miss anyone?"

Quinn shook her head. "I don't really need anyone else…" She started to walk ahead and grab cookies off of the shelf. She was pretty sure they weren't on the list but she didn't care. She could hear Santana's steps quicken to catch up with her. "I dont want to talk about my feelings. I feel like if this was college I've majored in that!"

Santana put her hands up. "I'm not in the mood for scary Quinn," she mumbled. She grabbed the list and the cart and walked ahead. "Talk to me when you're ready to stop being a whiner."

Quinn frowned and watched her sister walk ahead. She sighed and and swallowed in defeat. She chewed her lip as she jogged to catch up with her.

"I'm sorry," she muttered.

"I know you too well for you to lie to me," Santana said. "If you don't want to hang out with them, fine. Don't. You let me in and you let Rachel in and you're a better person than you give yourself credit for."

"They were my old friends. I'm not the same person anymore," she muttered.

"Well, who's to say that they won't like the new you." Santana said. "Just try okay?"

"Try what?"

"Try giving yourself the benefit of the doubt."

Santana reached across and pulled down a simple helium balloon . Quinn paused and watching Santana carefully examine the balloon.

"What if I don't feel any different after I do this?" she asked quietly.

"I think you already are," Quinn mumbled.

…

All of them stood at the top of the hill that overlooked the tiny town of Lima. On the spring day, it was supposed to be cold, but for some strange twist of fate, it was a beautiful calm and almost warm.

Gretchen looked at Santana with a soft nod. "Santana, why don't you tell everyone why we're here."

Santana took a deep breath and stepped forward. She wrapped the string of her balloon tightly around her fingers. She glanced at the people in front of her, slackening the grip her teeth had on her lip.

"I um…. I want to …. I want to thank you all for coming," she began. She looked at her sisters, mother, and brother. She nodded at her aunt and uncle. "I….um….. When Gretchen told me about this I … I thought that it would be dumb. I … I didn't know how I was going to …. feel something from this." She looked at her family for a moment before glancing back down at her hands. "My father was buried in New York and I .. I wasn't there. So .. Um…. today… we're having our own ceremony. …."

Santana nodded over at Rachel who was holding a piece of paper.

"Rach, wants to say something …." Santana sighed. "I um…. I wrote something out… Words… have never been my strong suit but...After Rachel is finished, we are going to attach it on and we're going to let it go."

Rachel nodded and took her place next to her big sister. She cleared her throat as she opened her letter.

"Dear Dad," she began. "I didn't know you. I don't remember what you sounded like or how you made Noah and Santana laugh. I don't remember any of that."

Quinn noticed Santana start to tear up slightly and took a step forward taking her sister's free hand. The girl looked at her with a shake of her head as if she didn't need to. Quinn's eyes looked back at her echoing her words from before, "You stood by me," she had said. Santana squeezed her hand back.

"But, my family loved you a great deal. Santana and Noah miss you every moment of everyday and I know that pieces of you are within their every action and thought. I wish that I knew you. I wish I knew what you sounded like and if would like the same things I do." She looked up at Santana who gave up trying to wipe her tears. "My sister has always wished that she should say goodbye to you and I've always wanted to say hello. So, I promise that I will try my best to help my sister say hello again to you to. Mom and Noah, too." She glanced over at her mother. "I hope you're happy where you are and you feel how much we miss you and you are loved." She gave a final sigh. "With great big love, your daughter, Rachel Barbra Corcoran."

Santana leaned down and kissed Rachel softly on the forehead, whispering silent thanks.

She looked at her note that was attached to the balloon. "I want to….. I … The words that I wrote," she said tearfully. "Don't begin to express how much that I feel. I …. I know that…. that I have to let it go and I …. I appreciate you're all here to see it happen but I …. I don't know if I can do this…." She looked at her mother. She wasn't ready to let it go.

Noah stepped forward and took his sister's other side. He pulled her close. "You're not letting him all go, San. He's always here. He's here everytime you let yourself laugh and every time you …. you do anything." He felt tears prickle his own eyes as he let San's weight fall into him.

Quinn supporting her and wiping away her tears. Shelby knelt in front of the kids pulling Rachel to her.

"No," Santana said tearfully. "I know he's gone … and I know…. he's not … he's never coming back but I …. I already lost so many pieces a long time ago and if I …" she looked down at the balloon. "I'm not ready to lose more."

"You won't," Shelby said cupping Santana's face. "We won't. There are so many pieces of him that we've kept hiding deep in our hearts because we were too afraid to celebrate him. Let him go, San. Let go so we can re-embrace him."

Santana looked at her mother tearfully. She looked at the now crumpled piece of paper still attached to the end of the balloon.

Shelby pulled her close. "I am so proud and I know with all my being that he is so proud. You can take this step, San. Like Rachel, said, we're not saying goodbye. We're saying hello, but we need to let that piece of him go."

"I can't," she whispered.

She felt a small hand on her hers. She looked over at Rachel. "We can do this."

Rachel held her gaze and she looked up at the sky. "It's a perfectly clear day."

Santana squeezed her eyes shut, trying to tame the sting of her tears. "I will always hold you close no matter how far you are from me," he used to tell her when they would go to their mother's.

Santana took a breath but it came out more as a weakened sob. She lifted her arm, opened her fist, and let go.

**I know it's been forever. It's been 5 months and 14 days. Too long. I know. I'm sorry for that. I am unsure if this met your expectations that this long wait cultivated. Thank you for sticking by this story. We're drawing to the end of Open Wounds but we're not quite there yet. **

**Thank you again! **


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